Baby Severide
by HogwartsPrincess11587
Summary: This is a continuation of 'A New Beginning' following the lives of Kelly, Erin and their new baby Shay. Erin Lindsay and Kelly Severide are both highly dedicated to their work and to each other. Now they have baby Shay to fit into the equation, how will they manage the struggles of parenthood while maintaining their careers? Completely and totally Linseride!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! As it says in the description this is the continuation of another fic I have written. You don't have to have read A New Beginning but it will probably make more sense if you do. I most likely won't be able to continue to update daily, I've written a chapter a day for a month now and it's pretty taxing. I'm also studying and working so I have to prioritize, that doesn't mean I wouldn't rather spend all my time writing this!**

Shay was already a week old and Erin wondered how the time had passed so quickly. Together Erin and Kelly had put into practice all the skills they had been reading about over the last few months. While it was uncomfortable at best Erin had gotten the hang of breastfeeding. Shay was growing slowly but steadily which provided the evidence Erin needed to persevere. Kelly had become the master of bath time, his big hands held Shay securely even when she was soapy and slippery. Teamwork was essential, together they managed to meet all of Shay's needs and get adequate sleep. Kelly only had a fortnight off work so in the second week he stepped up trying to do as much with Shay as possible. It wasn't a particularly demanding job, she slept most of the day. They learned as much about each other as they did about being parents and they had never felt more connected. Kelly didn't want to return to work but he didn't miss much. As Shay started to stay awake for longer periods of time Erin learned to use the baby carrier. Soon enough she was able to do everything, including visiting firehouse 51 with Shay safely strapped to her chest. Erin had been smart enough to store diapers, wipes and a change of clothes at both the firehouse and district so that she didn't even have to take a bag when she went out. Kelly arrived home after his fourth shift back to find both Erin and Shay frustrated. His shift had been hectic with two house fires and a complicated extrication following a car crash, he didn't feel up to soothing a screaming baby.

"How was your day?" Erin asked trying to talk over Shay's noise.

"Long" Kelly answered taking Shay from Erin, he knew she'd probably already tried everything but he needed the screaming to stop.

"I don't know what's wrong with her" She said watching Shay intently, it didn't seem to matter how she was held.

"She'll tire herself eventually" He said hopefully gently rubbing Shay's back.

"It's been an hour" She commented.

"Have you eaten? I'll take care of her for a while" He replied.

"Yeah, I'll go have a shower" Erin said though she felt bad about making him look after a screaming baby after a 24 hour shift. Erin knew as soon as she got out of the shower that nothing had changed, Shay was still crying and Kelly looked exhausted.

"Should we call a doctor?" He asked as she emerged from the bathroom.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with her, she's fed and she doesn't have a temperature" Erin replied trying to convince herself that calling a doctor would be an overreaction. Babies cry, it's a fact of life and they had just been lucky to have avoided it previously.

"Okay" Kelly said with a yawn.

"I'll take her for a drive, see if that helps" Erin said taking Shay from Kelly.

"I'll come" He volunteered.

"No, you've been at work all day" She reminded, he'd been yawning seconds ago so there was no way he could argue he wasn't tired.

"You've been home with her all day" He countered.

"Whatever" Erin conceded, she had her keys and was out the door before he had moved. She drove around with Shay until she finally fell asleep then was especially careful when taking her out of the car. They made it into the apartment without a sound but as soon as Erin tried to put her in her crib she started to cry again. Erin scooped her up and took her out into the lounge room hoping that Kelly would get some sleep. She fed Shay until she was asleep again then dozed on the couch for a few hours. It was after midnight when Shay decided she had slept enough and woke ready to play. Erin tried to hold her attention but struggled not to nod off. When Shay started screaming again Kelly emerged from the bedroom and instructed Erin to get some sleep.

"I wish you could tell me what's wrong" Kelly whispered to Shay, she stopped mid cry and stared up at him with matching bright blue eyes. As if what she had been trying to get across was finally understood she looked thoughtful for a few moments then started to cry again. With a frustrated sigh Kelly started to rock her gently. Erin took over again an hour later. They continued to take turns all night, at one point Shay slept for a whole hour but otherwise spent the night crying. By dawn her cry was a scratchy gasping, her throat too sore for anything more.

"I feel as bad as you look" Erin laughed when Kelly rolled over to face her.

"Same" He groaned burying his head in the pillow.

"I have mothers group at ten" She said miserably.

"You don't have to go" He suggested.

"I told Lara I would, she wants to meet Shay" Erin explained regretting how eager she had been in agreeing to go.

"Call her, she'll understand" He mumbled, he was right. There was an easy out but she already felt like a terrible mother and wasn't going to call Lara and prove it.

"No I'll go" Erin said handing Shay to Kelly, she was finally quiet. "If we let her sleep all day we'll have to do it all again tonight" She added, Kelly quickly sat up and started talking to Shay. Once Erin was dressed she made breakfast, Shay was being frustratingly good now the sun was up.

"I'm going back to bed" Kelly said once he had finished his toast.

"Okay" Erin said putting Shay in the baby carrier before putting on some washing and generally tidying the apartment. She left at half past nine knowing she would need the extra time to find the trendy café. It turned out that finding the café was the easy part, it was a car space that took most of the extra time she had budgeted. Lara was very excited to finally meet Shay and was apologetic that she hadn't had time sooner. Willow had grown and was almost twice the size Shay was. They talked together then joined in with the rest of the group. Erin wasn't fussed with consistency of Shay's bodily functions the way some of the other mothers were but tried to participate in the discussion anyway. She was glad to know that she wasn't alone, all the other mums seemed to expect endless crying and were envious that Shay wasn't usually like that. Erin let Shay sleep in the car on the way home then traded her off to Kelly for an afternoon nap. Kelly handed her a hungry baby after a few hours' sleep then joined her in bed until dinner time. Kelly made dinner and gave Shay a bath leaving Erin time to fold and put away the clean laundry. They slept better than they had since Shay had arrived, she only woke once for a feed then went straight back to sleep.

**Just a nice short chapter to ease into things. What do you think?**


	2. Chapter 2

Erin had never really considered exactly how long she was going to take off work. She had been visiting with Shay at least once a week over the past few months and had even pitched in to help on a particularly difficult case. She had started trying to get to back to her pre-pregnancy level of fitness the week Shay had been born. Nothing major just taking Shay for walks to the park or around the shops. She progressed from walking to jogging and then eventually to running. With Shay now three months old she was back to being able to run five miles. Erin hadn't mentioned returning to work, she was certain Kelly would want her to stay home a while longer. With her stuck at home he could expect to receive daily visits from his two beautiful ladies. He delighted in seeing his daughter. Shay recognised him immediately and smiled every time she heard his voice. He loved spending time with her as she wriggled and stretched to try and figure out how to coordinate her limbs. Erin loved watching them spend time together and knew that it was the small moments like these she would miss if she returned to work. Not really sure how to handle her conflicting feelings she decided to talk with Hank. She planned her visit for late in the afternoon hoping they would be finished for the day. Erin was right, the team had been dismissed and all that remained were Olinsky and Voight, both sitting at their desks working away.

"Hey, what you doing here so late?" Hank asked surprised to see her.

"Just thought I'd drop by and run something past you" She answered taking a seat, Shay was sleeping soundly in the baby carrier on her chest.

"Sure, what is it?" He asked closing the folder he had been reading.

"I just need someone to talk to about coming back to work, you're my boss so I figured that was a good place to start" She explained, he was so much more than just her boss.

"You want to come back already?" He questioned slightly surprised, he knew she'd have a hard time staying away but at the same time she really seemed to be enjoying motherhood.

"I think so, I'm not sure though" Erin said hoping he would tell her what she wanted to hear, returning to work would not make her a bad mum.

"Why do you want to come back?" He asked, if she wasn't working for the right reasons she was useless to him and the rest of the unit.

"I love Shay and every little smile makes my day but I look at this city and now more than ever I want to make it a safe place. I want to put away criminals so Shay will have a safe city to grow up in" She answered taking her time to make sure he knew how seriously she was considering the possibility.

"Well I'm happy to have you start whenever you're ready but there's plenty you need to organise. I'm guessing you haven't talked to Kelly" He said with a knowing look, she nodded in response. "He deserves a say in the matter so you need to discuss it with him first. Then there's the issue of what to do with Shay, it's a big deal leaving your baby with someone. I don't want to hear any more about it until you've had time to think about it and talk it through then we'll figure it out" He advised sounding unusually wise.

"Thank you" Erin said, she always trusted his judgement and this was no different.

"That's what I'm here for" He said with a smile.

"I know, sometimes I forget how good you are to talk to" She said rubbing Shay's back to try and keep her asleep. Clearly Shay thought she was missing out on something.

"Is she awake?" He asked noticing Erin's attention shift immediately to the baby when she showed the slightest sign on waking up.

"Yeah, I think she wants to say hello" Erin answered unclipping the carrier, she removed Shay and handed her to Grandpa Hank.

"She's getting big" He commented, he hadn't held her since lunch a fortnight ago.

"She really is, the doctors are really pleased with her" She shared particularly proud of her daughter.

"Good, now take her home to bed" He said handing the baby back.

"We'll talk soon" Erin replied before leaving Hank alone in his office. The car trip home was quiet, Shay couldn't help but fall asleep even if it was only a five minute drive. Erin decided to think about her return to work more seriously then discuss it with Kelly after his shift on Friday night, she would cook dinner and talk about it properly.

* * *

Friday arrived quite quickly, Erin stayed in deciding it was too cold to venture out. She hated dressing Shay in multiple layers because it restricted her movement and she got grumpy if she couldn't self soothe by putting her fist in her mouth. They had a quiet day, Shay was happy as long as there was music playing and Erin finally managed to finish her crocheted blanket. Kelly arrived home while Erin was still preparing dinner so he gave Shay a bath then put her to bed. They talked quietly until dinner was ready then moved to the table to eat.

"What's going on?" He asked knowing she always premised serious discussions with his favourite meal.

"I love that you know me so well" She answered shaking her head. It was sad but true that she'd never thought of herself as being deserving of such an amazing relationship.

"I don't know you well enough to know what you're thinking" He said knowing that she was hesitating because she predicted he wouldn't agree with whatever she was planning.

"I want to go back to work" Erin replied knowing there was no point in delaying further.

"Really?" He asked not sure she was being serious.

"Yes" She answered with a great degree of certainty, she'd clearly thought it through.

"Are you sure? You haven't really spent any time away from Shay" Kelly said trying to be the voice of reason.

"I know I'll miss her, I'll just have to find a really good childcare place. You'll look after her when you're not on shift won't you?" She questioned.

"Of course. I'm not going to stop you going back to work but I think you need to be sure. Why don't we go out one night and get someone to watch Shay?" He suggested.

"A test run to see how I handle separation?" Erin asked, though she really hadn't spent more than an hour without Shay over the last few months.

"Something like that" He answered not sure if she liked the idea.

"Okay, I'll organise something for next week" She agreed.

"I don't think it'll be an issue" He said sounding confident, she didn't know if he was being honest or just supportive.

"We'll find out" She said effectively ending the conversation. They ate in silence for a while then discussed a rescue Kelly had made on shift.

* * *

"You sure you'll be okay?" Erin asked again knowing she had bombarded Dawson with a lot of information in the last few minutes.

"We'll be fine, and I have your number so don't worry" Dawson confirmed, she had been more than willing to babysit Shay.

"Call me if you need anything" Erin added as Kelly physically pulled her through the door.

"I will" Dawson called before closing the door.

"Still want to go back to work?" Kelly checked, he didn't want to be mean but she already looked stressed and they weren't even out of the building.

"Absolutely" Erin answered, even though she was feeling conflicted she didn't want to show it. They made their way to the restaurant and Kelly pretended not to notice when Erin took her phone to the bathroom. She stood in the cubicle debating whether or not she should call Dawson. She felt like she was in withdrawal, hands shaking ridiculously as she held her phone. It took a few minutes but eventually she convinced herself that Shay would be fine, Dawson was a fully capable paramedic after all. With this thought in mind she returned to the table. Kelly knew she was struggling but was also aware that she was the one who wanted to go back to work.

"She'll be fine" He said unable to bear how pained Erin looked.

"I know" She replied trying hard to smile.

"We can go home if you want" He suggested.

"No" Erin said determinedly. Erin struggled at times but managed to get through the rest of dinner without even looking at her phone. She knew Kelly was testing her when he suggested they go for a walk. It didn't turn out to be a bad idea, the lights of the city made for a beautiful view. They talked about small, stupid things, ice cream flavours and the posters they had had on their bedroom walls growing up. Finally Kelly was satisfied that Erin would be able to handle a day back at work and they returned home. Dawson had had an easy evening with Shay sleeping half the time.

"She was amazing, almost makes me want one" Dawson said, she had been considering the possibility of having a baby once she married Casey and the time with Shay was great practice.

"Good" Erin said trying to sound disinterested, she waited until Kelly was forced to take Shay from Dawson then said goodbye before she let out a sigh of relief. Erin now knew she was capable but did she really want to? The city needed her but Shay needed her more. Maybe she should leave it a little longer.

**What do you think? Should Erin go back to work or stay at home with Shay?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Late night update, sorry I had a truly hectic day! Also I didn't really proofread this properly... Please forgive me :D**

Erin's favourite thing was to roll over in the morning and find Kelly playing silently with Shay. She'd be quiet and still so she could watch them for a while, Shay grasping at his fingers and kicking against his chest. They both smiled and pulled faces, Kelly leading while Shay tried to copy him. Erin knew he did it so that she could get extra sleep but it was too perfect to miss. Never had she felt so complete, she had an amazing man who would do anything for her and a perfect, happy and healthy baby. Eventually Shay would get hungry and Erin would announce that she was awake. She fed Shay while Kelly made breakfast, which they increasingly ate in bed while Shay wriggled around between them.

"What have you got planned for the day?" Kelly asked trying to be interested in her admittedly boring house life.

"Can we come to the firehouse with you?" She asked, she had nothing planned for the day and was sick of daytime television.

"Of course" He agreed. He looked after Shay while Erin got ready then they swapped, he rushed them out the door already five minutes late. Erin left him to do roll call while she headed to the kitchen to see what was happening. Despite the fact she spent at least three days a week at the firehouse they still managed to fuss over Shay every time. They were family so Erin didn't mind handing Shay over and settling in to catch up on gossip, she knew that as soon as Shay needed to be fed or changed she'd be back.

After lunch Erin took Shay for a walk and ended up back behind her old desk. The intelligence unit were working hard to weed out trouble makers prior to the protests that were sure to happen during the trial of a corrupt city council member. There were so many people who had flooded to the city over the last few days that they needed to search through hotel records for those with records for protest arrests. Erin was amazed by the sheer number of people who seemed to float between protests, seemingly there to make trouble rather than stand for a cause. Even with the list divided between the team it was still a time consuming and tedious job. As they worked the team talked about recent arrests, almost trying to make Erin jealous. It would have worked had Shay not joined in babbling along with their conversation.

"She'll be talking soon enough" Antonio commented.

"Once they start they never stop" Olinsky added. Erin nodded but continued working too focused on the person she was researching. He had attended twenty-seven protests over the past year and had been arrested nine times for violent behaviour. He could well be the spark that turned the protest from peaceful to something more. Erin turned his name and file in to Voight then headed back to the firehouse. Everyone was out on a call so she turned on the television to see if there was a fire on the news. The headlines had scrolled through once when she heard someone knocking on the kitchen door, it was never usually locked so she got up to investigate. She did not expect to see Katie standing there with her hands full of grocery bags.

"Hello?" Erin greeted wondering what Katie was doing in town and why she hadn't stopped by to meet Shay.

"Erin! Hi! I stopped by the shops on the way here from the airport" Katie explained placing the bags on the bench before turning to get a better look at baby Shay.

"Kelly didn't mention you were coming to visit" Erin said still slightly confused.

"I wanted it to be a surprise, I was going to make dinner for everyone then get a lift with him to come meet Shay" Katie explained clearly excited to see the baby.

"That makes sense" Erin accepted knowing Kelly would be thrilled to have his sister back in town.

"At least now I don't have to wait to see her" Katie said clearly excited.

"No you don't" Erin said getting Shay out of the carrier, she had been sleeping but didn't fuss when she was placed in the arms of her aunt. Shay had spent enough time being passed around that she didn't seem bothered by strangers.

"She's so cute" Katie exclaimed loving her chubby baby arms and legs.

"I certainly think so" Erin replied.

"I can babysit sometime this week if you want to spend time with Kelly" Katie offered.

"That would be great, I'll let you know" Erin said, Kelly had been raving about a movie but refused to see it alone. If she looked up when it was on they could spend some time together while Katie got to spend time with Shay.

"Sure. Where is everybody?" Katie asked suddenly noticing that the usually crowded room was empty.

"They're out on a call, should be back soon though" Erin answered optimistically.

"I'll get cooking then, they don't like being made to wait" Katie said giving Shay back to Erin.

"Feel free" Erin agreed more than willing to eat anything Katie cooked. Not long after a wonderful aroma filled the room everyone arrived, almost as if the smell had lured them back. Erin watched as Katie and Kelly hugged and talked over dinner. The food was incredible and everyone eagerly told Katie that she should plan surprise meals more often. Katie promised to stop by again though she was only in town for the week. After dinner they dropped Katie off at her parents house then headed home.

"I spent some time at work today, with Shay. I was thinking I might try and see if I can take her in with me a few mornings a week. Slowly get back into things" Erin shared while they worked together to bathe Shay.

"That sounds good, what does Voight think?" He asked rinsing the soap from her hair with ease.

"I didn't get the chance to talk to him about it but I will" She said getting the towel ready.

"If you're happy I'm happy" He said kissing her head as he handed Shay over.

"If Shay's happy we're happy" Erin agreed. "Can you get her clothes?" She asked following him into the bedroom. Once Shay was dressed and fed they put her to bed.

"It was nice to see Katie" Kelly whispered as he rearranged his pillows.

"Yeah, she volunteered to watch Shay if you still want to watch that movie" She replied resting her head on his chest.

"That'd be great" He agreed with a yawn.

"We'll figure out when in the morning" She agreed before closing her eyes.

* * *

In the morning Kelly was just as eager to see the movie. Erin agreed as long as he called Katie and organised it with her. They spent the morning out shopping then had a quiet afternoon. Katie arrived early which gave Kelly plenty of time to run her through everything he could think of when it came to Shay. Erin emerged from the bathroom wearing a dress he had never seen before, it was quite a bit more fitting than her usual clothes and made the most of the change in in breast size. Kelly complimented her then waited for her to quiz Katie, once she was satisfied Shay would be in good hands they were able to leave. The cinema was almost empty so Erin didn't hesitate to ask questions when the movie plot became too convoluted to follow. Kelly was just as confused. Once she lost track of what the main character was trying to achieve she snuggled closer to Kelly and tried not to fall asleep. The movie ended and they made their way out into the cold night air, it was very effective in erasing the traces of sleepiness. By the time they got home they were wide awake. Katie filled them in on every detail then left looking forward to going home to sleep.

"That was fun" Kelly said getting a drink of water.

"I was falling asleep but now I'm not even tired" Erin answered.

"I'm sure we could think of something to do" He said pulling her closer before kissing her softly.

"I'll just check on Shay" She promised. He sighed, he'd waited months, a few more minutes couldn't hurt.

"Asleep?" He asked as she returned.

"Yeah" She replied before initiating a series of kisses.

"Did I tell you how much I like this dress?" He questioned stepping back to admire her.

"You did" She answered.

"Well it's great and all but you look better without it" He said reaching around for the zip. Erin laughed as he removed the dress.

"So this is better?" She asked once the dress was gone.

"Yes" He nodded.

"How about this?" She questioned as she pulled his shirt over his head.

"Even better" He agreed lifting her easily.

"Couch" Erin instructed.

"Why?" He asked changing his planned route.

"She might be asleep but it's still weird" She explained.

"Okay" He agreed, location didn't bother him.


	4. Chapter 4

"Morning" Kelly whispered before waking her with a kiss.

"Morning" Erin mumbled back.

"Sorry, she's hungry" He said placing Shay on Erin's chest. Shay was pulling a face Erin immediately recognised, her pre-crying face.

"Its fine" She said sitting up. "What's for breakfast?" She asked once Shay was happily feeding.

"Anything you want" He responded with a smile.

"Pancakes?" She asked with a hopeful look.

"Of course" He said getting up and heading for the kitchen. Once Shay was full Erin put her back to bed then proceeded to the kitchen. While her first instinct was to declare it a safety hazard she came to appreciate Kelly's shirtless cooking. They talked as he finished cooking then sat down to eat.

"I'm going to chat with Voight" Erin said.

"He'll be excited to have you back, even if it means having Shay around as well" Kelly replied supportively.

"You're right" She said getting up and taking their plates.

"Happens more often than not" He added with a laugh.

"I'm going to have a shower" She said stopping at the table to kiss him before making her way to the bathroom. Kelly had changed and dressed Shay and was having a one sided conversation about the best breakfast foods. They swapped roles and Kelly was ready in no time.

"I'll drop you off on the way" He offered, it hadn't taken him long to realise one of his duties as a father was to usher them out the door. Erin would always think of something she'd forgotten but once the door was closed, he refused to let her back in.

"What are you doing today?" She asked realising his shift didn't start until that evening.

"I'm going to check in with Casey, we're rebuilding the kitchen of a church hall that was burned down by some teenage idiots. Casey's in charge" He groaned, at work they were equals but when it came to building projects Casey made the most of his expert status and bossed everyone around.

"Sounds fun" She responded as he pulled up out the front of District 21. It took a few moments for Erin to transfer Shay from her car seat to the baby carrier but then she headed into the building.

"Detective, nice to see you" Platt greeted.

"Good morning" Erin replied heading for the stairs.

"Lindsay!" Halstead exclaimed as if he hadn't seen her in weeks.

"I was here the other day" She reminded.

"Would you rather I didn't miss you?" He asked.

"Well no. Is Voight busy?" She asked noticing his office door was shut.

"Yeah he's talking with the Commander" Halstead informed.

"Okay, anything I can do to help?" She asked eagerly not wanting to stand around and wait.

"Sure, I'll run you through what we have so far" He agreed. She was up to speed on everything and had even suggested a few alternative approaches when the Commander exited Voights office.

"Detective Lindsay, nice to see you" The Commander commented.

"Thank you, Sir" She replied. Once the Commander left she let Voight reorganise the team before she joined him in his office.

"What can I do for you today?" He asked.

"I wanted to talk to you about doing some desk work a few mornings a week" Erin said confidently "with Shay" she added.

"Sure, I don't mind as long as she isn't going to get in the way" He agreed, from what he had seen the baby spent most of her time sleeping.

"She won't" Erin promised.

"When do you want to start?" He asked.

"Actually I was just talking with Halstead and I had an idea about using the tattoo. So now basically" She answered.

"Go ahead, let me know what you come up with" He said as she got up to leave the office.

"Will do" She replied. It took a few moments to brief Halstead and Atwater on her plan but soon enough they were on their way to the hospital with a composite artist. Instead of tracking the attacker based on his looks, which had been obscured by his hood and the dark, she planned to use his tattoo. It would only work if the victim remembered it in enough detail. Hopefully the artist would be able to sketch the tattoo which she could then try to match with one in the system. It was a great plan but whether or not is worked was an entirely different question. Erin worked at her computer waiting for the two young officers to return.

"What are you doing?" Halstead asked as he walked back in, Lindsay was holding the corner of a blanket in her mouth.

"Feeding Shay" Lindsay responded continuing to type with one hand while her other held the blanket so she could talk.

"Just like that?" Halstead questioned amazed.

"Yeah" She answered trying to focus on the computer.

"How does that work?" He asked clearly too fascinated to notice how busy she was.

"I loosen one of the straps, unbutton my shirt, unclip my bra and shove my boob in her mouth" Lindsay responded matter of factly without looking up. Ruzek sniggered from his desk.

"That's awesome" Halstead announced.

"Yeah" She responded, wanting the information on the tattoo. Finally Halstead stopped staring and handed her the artists drawing. Erin started going through the database hoping that the attacker had been arrested previously. It took a while and most of the unit went out for a lunch break while Halstead and Lindsay stayed behind. She was close to getting a match on the tattoo, or at least close to having searched the entire database, when she froze. Shay had stopped a few moments prior and now wet warmth spread its way across Erin's chest. Erin held out the blanket and looked down to assess the damage, Shay had decided she didn't really need the second half of her lunch. Moving quickly she had her drawer open and was removing baby wipes at an alarming rate, she cleaned as much as she could before removing Shay from the carrier. Halstead was watching intently from his desk though was brought to his senses when she held out Shay for him to take. Erin cleaned up as best she could, some of it had reached her shirt so now she had a wet patch over her left breast. She took off the carrier and hung it over the back of the chair before taking Shay back. With a cloth over her shoulder she burped the infant properly before continuing to work.

"Erin" Voight said to get her attention when he walked in to assess their work.

"Yes" She asked looking up, all the information she had found on the tattoo was printing.

"Do you need to go home?" He asked subtly gesturing to her shirt.

"No, its fine Shay just didn't like lunch" She explained, the patch was drying slowly and she hoped it would disappear completely by the time the rest of the unit arrived back from their break.

"Okay" He said feeling relieved.

"Tattoo stuff is on the printer, four guys with similar ones, two on the left forearm, you should be able to figure it out from there" She said, Voight went to get it then headed to his office to read through it.

"Great job Erin" Voight announced as he stuck the two tattooed suspects pictures on the whiteboard.

"You good from here?" She asked loving that she was able to help them narrow down suspects with such ease. If Kelly hadn't been texting her about coming home she would have stayed indefinitely.

"Yeah, thanks" Voight replied.

"See you tomorrow" She added as she left.

"Lindsay, you coming back?" Platt asked looking up from the two young uniforms she had been talking to.

"Kinda" She answered, it was complicated and she didn't really feel like explaining it, especially not when she could see Kelly waiting in the car just outside the door.

"See you round then" Platt replied realising the detective had somewhere to be.

"Yeah" Erin called over her shoulder. Thankful to be in the warm car she let Kelly talk about his day before telling him every detail of her own.

"Sounds like you had fun" He commented getting Shay out of the car.

"Yeah, I'm not saying that being home with Shay isn't great it's just work has been my sole purpose for so long…" She wasn't sure how to finish, she hoped he would understand what she was trying to say.

"I get it" He said following her into the apartment.

**So Erin is going to be spending some more time at work and gets to keep Shay with her at the same time. Couldn't not have that scene with Halstead, I can totally see it happening. Hope you have/have had a great day :D I'm not sure if I'll get the chance to update tomorrow as I'll be travelling to and from the city for some doctors' appointments (4 hours driving all together), sorry. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello! Sorry to disappear on you for so long, the trip to the doctor turned into a Christmas shopping trip so we didn't get home until really late...And today I had to cover for a sick colleague! I'm exhausted but still enjoyed writing this:**

Erin and Kelly tried to get into a routine. With Erin's return to work came a more schedule, she never knew how long she was going to hang around at the district. She would stay until the case was solved, Shay got fussy or she outlived her usefulness. Voight and the rest of the team were glad to have Erin back. The guys joined in with Shay's chatter and she laughed when they made funny noises or pulled faces. As Shay got older Erin started to worry about the things she was exposed to. Photos of gruesome crime scenes were often plastered on the whiteboard. She knew she couldn't keep bringing Shay to work, especially not when she started picking up words. Though Erin tried to bring it up Kelly had been increasingly focused on work, to the point that he was even starting to take extra shifts. Erin knew they were drifting apart, but what did she expect when the only reason they were together was Shay. They barely had time to talk let alone be intimate. Erin realised they were too similar for their relationship to work. Both extremely dedicated to the work, making time for Shay as well meant losing time with each other.

"I'll make dinner" Kelly announced moving from the couch to the kitchen as soon as Erin entered the apartment. He'd had the day off but she'd gone to work, taking Shay with her. Kelly had argued saying that he was more than capable of looking after Shay, Erin rebutted that she had to feed their baby. He couldn't argue with that so he gave up and returned to bed as she made her way to work.

"Okay" Erin agreed heading to the bedroom to get changed. She fed and burped Shay then put her on the floor to play. Kelly served dinner and they ate in silence, watching Shay rolling around and reaching for brightly coloured toys. They both knew that they needed to talk but neither could find the right way to start a conversation, at least not a serious one.

"Shay will be four months old on Friday" Kelly said.

"Yeah, we should do something" She nodded.

"We could go to the park this weekend, or the zoo maybe?" He suggested.

"The zoo would be fun" She agreed before they fell back into silence. Kelly bathed Shay and put her to sleep the way he did every night then showered and joined Erin in bed. The distance between them was in reality about a foot, but it felt more like the Great Wall of China, keeping them apart. Erin rolled to face the window and tried to get to sleep. She knew she had to fix things with Kelly, but didn't even know how, why or when they had been broken.

* * *

Tired and frustrated she threw herself into her work. She played peek-a-boo with Shay until the infant started yawning, signaling that she needed a sleep. Erin hummed away contentedly until Shay fell asleep. Eventually she found their suspects real name and from there an address. The creep they were after had been trading in street kids, selling lost, pretty girls to illegal nightclubs. Erin wanted nothing more than to go out and help the team get him off the streets, the best she could do was find good information. When the team returned an hour later empty handed she got stuck in and tried to find another place he would hide. After trawling through the database she found his ex-wife and gave the team her address. While their target wasn't there the ex-wife had an idea where he would be, with his friend, Jimmy. It was a ridiculously common nickname that kept Erin occupied through lunch and into the afternoon. With the rest of the unit out getting lunch she briefly lost focus and ended up contemplating the Kelly situation, she needed him but more importantly Shay needed him. The only solution she could think of was for them both to reduce their workloads, something she wasn't keen on and knew he wouldn't be either. When Halstead slid into his chair causing it to creak Erin snapped to attention.

"Everything okay?" Halstead asked.

"Fine" She replied trying to dismiss thoughts of her personal life. All she needed was another address, then she could go home for the day.

"How's it going?" He asked, he had noticed her increasing work hours and suspected she wanted to be out on the streets with the rest of the unit.

"I think..." She pondered searching through a narrowed down list of associates "he's staying here" She finished scrawling the address on the piece of paper. There was only one associate on the new list who had Jimmy noted in his file as a nickname.

"I'll get Voight" Halstead volunteered jumping up.

"Are you sure this time?" Voight demanded, two failed raids were enough for one day.

"If he isn't there then I can't find him" She answered with a frown, he didn't seem to understand how much effort she had put in.

"Okay, suit up guys" He said turning to the rest of the unit. Erin was done for the day so she packed up her things and got ready to leave. She had just stopped to talk to Platt when Antonio ran in.

"Lindsay, Ruzek's sick, any chance you can help us out?" Antonio asked, Voight had sent him to get a uniform but she was better.

"I'd love to" Erin said before looking down at Shay sleeping against her chest.

"Five minutes or we'll go with someone else" Antonio replied. Erin was conflicted, if she made the call Kelly might be able to get there in five minutes, at the same time they weren't really on speaking terms. He hated the way she refused to stay home with Shay when he was working hard to ensure they were financially stable.

"I'll watch her" Platt volunteered looking fondly at the infant.

"Umm?" Erin asked, Platt was well known for messing with people's heads.

"Is that hesitation? I'll have you know I am great with kids" Platt said.

"Okay then" Erin said throwing caution to the wind, she woke Shay as she handed her over. With a concerned look over her shoulder she ran upstairs to grab her badge, sidearm and vest. Not two minutes later she was in the car with Halstead, in the drivers seat where she belonged.

"I've been driving for months, this isn't fair" Halstead protested when she demanded the keys.

"I'm leaving my baby with Platt, hand me the keys and get out of my way" She answered, it had been a long time since she'd seen him move so quickly. They arrived at the address and didn't waste anytime busting through the doors. Lindsay's hard work and dedication payed off and she felt invincible as she snapped the cuffs around their suspects wrists. He had no idea what he was messing with, she worked so quickly the arrest was over in a blur, she handed him off to Antonio then headed back to the district.

"She's fine" Platt said with a satisfying smile when Erin raced into the building.

"Thank you" Erin said pleased to have Shay back in her sight.

"Slept the whole time" Platt said smugly handing Shay over to Erin.

"Sorry" Erin apologised realising that by now she really should trust Platt.

"Don't be, you're a good mum with good instincts" Platt complimented before turning to yell at some uniforms who'd dented their patrol car. Erin headed home the thrill of the arrest still coursing through her veins. Kelly had not long arrived home himself but Erin decided not to tell him. He'd only worry.

**I felt like I was losing momentum a little bit so I decided it was time for a little trouble in paradise...Thoughts?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for the reviews, they are the best motivation :D**

During their morning car trip Erin discussed leaving Shay home with Kelly on Friday. He was eager to do his bit and had felt rather useless over the last week.

"Of course, it'll be fine" He answered.

"You can always call me or drop by" She assured, more for herself than for him. It was easy to trust him, he was Shay's father and it was clear that he loved his daughter. Erin felt the same level of anxiety about leaving her baby with anyone.

"We'll be fine" He said pulling up out front of the firehouse. Erin got out of the car and made her way to the drivers side door Kelly stood between her and the car. At first she was confused by his lack of movement but she let herself relax slightly as he pulled her into what would have to be their most awkward hug.

"See you in the morning" She said stepping back to allow him past.

"Have a nice day" He replied, the conversation took place out of duty rather than with any feeling.

"Stay safe" She reminded through the wound down window.

"You too" He answered turning and heading towards the firehouse. Erin arrived at work and led the briefing on their new case before getting to work.

"What up?" Halstead asked catching her staring at her computer screen for an extended period of time.

"Nothing" She snapped immediately beginning to type, though the cursor wasn't even in the text box.

"You can tell me stuff" He said before getting back to his own work. The criminal they were after was one member of a massive, feuding, family. Erin ignored Halstead instead turning her attention to Shay. Shay had started to make word sounds and Erin had been chanting 'mama' at her endlessly whenever they were alone, there was still no sign it was having any effect. The baby would happily repeat sounds for Antonio, he loved making her say 'banana' in garbled baby noises that were far from the real pronunciation.

"Lindsay, can we talk for a minute?" Voight asked.

"Sure" She answered as she got up and joined him in his office.

"So Shay's staying home tomorrow?" He questioned, she had briefly mentioned it but didn't even know he'd been paying attention.

"Yeah, why?" Lindsay asked.

"I need someone to do some undercover work, we can get Burgess up if it's too soon" He said trying to sound neutral.

"You're asking me if I want to go undercover?" She asked.

"Yeah" He replied uncertainly.

"You know you don't have to ask, I'll do it" She agreed cracking a smile.

"Okay, it's just a family gathering, we just need to build up a better profile. It should be pretty safe, low risk" Voight added.

"With Halstead?" Lindsay asked.

"Yeah" He nodded. She gave him a thumbs up and left his office.

* * *

In the morning Erin double checked everything before leaving for work. She had to be sure that Kelly had everything he could possibly need. There was no time to stress over leaving her baby at home, there was too much to do before the undercover mission. Having established themselves as distant cousins in the family tree they made sure to memorize people's names to make their cover more convincing.

"You sure this is going to work?" Halstead questioned as he straightened his tie.

"Pretty sure" Voight confirmed.

"We're just going to turn up at a family event and try to blend in" Halstead said making sure he was on the same page.

"That's the plan" Antonio replied.

"What sort of family event?" Lindsay questioned realising Halstead was right, their limited cover might not be enough.

"A christening" Voight answered.

"Why don't I go home and get Shay, there's no way they can be suspicious of us if we have a baby" Lindsay suggested.

"If you don't want to be here you can go" Voight replied coldly suspecting putting her undercover so soon was a mistake if she couldn't keep her mind off her baby.

"No, I'm serious, she's the perfect cover" Lindsay argued.

"She's got a point" Olinsky said knowing that no one would ever suspect them of being undercover police if they had a baby.

"You're willing to take Shay undercover? Into a potentially hostile environment" Voight questioned not at all keen to put his granddaughter at risk.

"Potentially hostile" Lindsay scoffed, "you said yesterday it was low risk."

"Yeah low risk for fully trained intelligence officers, not three month old babies" He answered.

"She's four months old" Lindsay corrected though she knew it wouldn't change the argument.

"She's your kid" Voight said walking away.

"I'll be back in ten" Lindsay replied. On the drive home she started to wonder why she was willing to put her baby at risk. Because she missed Shay terribly, or wanted to prove Voight wrong, or that it would legitimately establish their cover. There were any number of reasons but she wasn't sure any of them were really good enough.

"What are you doing home?" Kelly asked when she entered the apartment.

"I just need to borrow Shay for an hour or two" She answered heading to the bedroom.

"What for?" He questioned feeling hurt that she didn't trust him to care for their baby all day.

"Do you trust me?" Erin asked.

"Of course" He nodded knowing it was the type of question there was only one right answer to no matter how good the justification.

"Halstead and I are going undercover, a tiny job at a christening, we need Shay to make it look more realistic" She explained watching his expression change.

"You want to take our baby undercover?" He asked knowing he couldn't possibly be hearing her right.

"Yes" She confirmed dressing Shay in a floral dress.

"No!" He responded "nothing's that important, do it without her" he argued.

"It's a christening, it'll perfectly safe" She assured.

"Erin, no" He warned.

"It's safer if I take her, for both of us" Erin pressed picking up Shay.

"Please" Kelly pleaded knowing there was no other way to change her mind.

"It'll be fine" She answered pushing past him on her way to the door.

"Erin, this is stupid" He called after her but she kept walking. With Shay safely secured in her car seat she stopped by the district and picked up Halstead.

"I won't let anything happen" Halstead promised as they pulled up out the front of the church, Lindsay had been unusually silent.

"We just need to get some family history" Antonio assured over their ear pieces.

"We're heading in now" Lindsay replied taking Shay from her car seat.

"This is on you" Voight reminded, angry that Erin was so stubborn.

"I got it, we're fine" Lindsay answered as they made their way through the crowd towards the church door.

"It's great to see everybody" Halstead announced doing his bit to ensure they didn't look out of place.

"Is that Aunt Cleo?" Lindsay demanded pointing out one of the people who was sure to have the full story on the family.

"Yeah, lets go say hello" He agreed leading them over to the older woman. He introduced them and seamlessly explained how they were related then guaranteed there was no doubt in her mind by regaling her with details of the previous family gathering, a wedding. They'd found photographs on social media and deconstructed them enough to pretend they'd attended.

"Who is this then?" Cleo demanded looking fondly down at Shay.

"This is our new baby, Shay" Halstead confirmed putting his arm around Lindsay's shoulders. Shay looked up at him and smiled her perfect toothless grin.

"She is beautiful, looks just like you! Those lovely eyes" Cleo commented before dragging them over to meet some other 'relatives'. While at first Erin had been slightly hesitant to have her baby with her in such an unfamiliar environment she soon felt safe. More so with Halstead going out of his way to play the protective husband and father role. The christening went smoothly and soon they were well enough informed they could leave. They made excuses and decided to leave. Erin stopped at her apartment on the way back to work, wanting to give Shay back and assure Kelly that everything was fine. A quick search revealed that the apartment was unoccupied.

"What happened?" Halstead questioned as she secured Shay in the back.

"Nothing" Erin mumbled getting in the car. No one mentioned or questioned the fact that Shay was there for the afternoon. Erin wished she had taken the chance to change the baby out of the dress, the clothes she had in her drawer had long been outgrown. Just another thing to add to her endless to do list. Lindsay and Halstead wrote out their reports noting every interaction they had at the christening and everything they had overheard. Shay had been an excellent conversation starter. Voight gave Lindsay a small nod as he passed her desk, an admission that she had been right without bringing it up again. Her calls to Kelly went unanswered and she left as soon as she could, desperate to make amends. He wasn't at the firehouse and nobody had seen him all day so she went home. When he still wasn't back in the morning she got angry, she called and left message after message demanding that he at least let her know he was okay.

By lunchtime she was sick of waiting around at home and decided to take Shay to the zoo without him. It was cold and there was barely anyone around, Shay was asleep along with most of the animals. If nothing else she tried to see it positively, it was a great chance to get out and about. Erin took a seat at the lion enclosure and watched the massive animals sleeping peacefully. She let her thoughts wander for a while, suddenly brought to her senses when someone sat down next to her. Not just next to her though, almost on top of her he was that close. She didn't need to look up to see who it was.

"I'm really sorry" She started ready to make a full blown apology if he hadn't spoken.

"I'm sorry too" Kelly said looking down at his hands.

"Where did we go wrong?" Erin asked biting at her lip.

"When we went back to work" He answered.

"And by we you mean me, everything was fine when it was just you working" She said shaking her head.

"We can fix this" He replied a look of determination spreading across his face.

"Can we?" Erin asked looking him dead in the eye. "I want to work" She added.

"You can, we'll figure it out" He assured pulling her close.

"We don't have to, you can still be part of her life if we aren't" She replied with a serious look.

"Erin, I never picked you as a quitter" Kelly sounding disappointed, he couldn't force her to continue their relationship if she didn't want to.

"I'm not" She answered.

"Then we have to try harder, make time for each other" He stated knowing she had and always would doubt herself, it was one of the first things he knew for sure about her. She could never see herself the way everyone else did.

"Alright, lets stop wasting time here then" Erin said as she stood up.

"Erin, I love you" He said suddenly serious again.

"I love you too" She replied allowing him to crush Shay between them as they kissed. Shay protested and he bent down to kiss the top of her head.

"Love you too" He whispered to her.

"Home?" She asked.

"I haven't seen any of the animals yet" He complained. Erin shook her head and pulled out the map before letting him plot a route to the exit that stopped by the animals he wanted to see. They walked hand in hand, Shay woke up properly and Kelly took her out of the carrier excited to show her the animals.

"Erin? Erin Lindsay?" A voice asked and Erin turned to see who it was, Jenna had been to the same high school. They were never close but Erin had briefly sat at Jenna's group table. Erin turned to check Kelly and Shay, there were close to the fence looking at a giraffe.

"Jenna" Erin replied as she approached.

"Never thought I'd see you here" Jenna commented, Erin wasn't exactly sure what she meant by the comment but didn't waste time thinking about it.

"Yeah, small world" Erin replied knowing it was what people typically said in that situation.

"You here alone?" Jenna asked.

"No, with my family" Erin answered feeling suddenly proud.

"Family?" Jenna questioned looking at the groups of people along the fence.

"Yeah" Erin replied, "Kelly" she called and he made his way over. Jenna's expression was priceless. "This is Kelly and our baby, Shay" Erin introduced with a smile.

"I never thought you'd have kids" Jenna replied still looking shocked. "My husband is over there with our boys, Dylan in the green and Brandon in Red" Jenna added. Erin nodded in acknowledgment turning to see the no doubt picture perfect family. If Jenna's husband hadn't been staring down the shirt of another woman Erin might have believed they were happy.

"It was nice to see you" Erin said ready to move to the next enclosure.

"Yeah, you should come to the next reunion. We've been planning since the last one, shame you weren't there, it's at a park so we can bring our families. Not for another six months though" Jenna smiled in return.

"Maybe" Erin agreed before walking away with absolutely no intention of going to any reunion ever.

"School friend?" Kelly enquired leading them to the Hippopotamus enclosure.

"Not really" Erin answered, she hadn't had any friends at school.

"Well she looked jealous" He said with a smile unable to stop himself from kissing her again.

"She should be" She answered before trying to make out which grey blob the hippopotamus was. They stopped to look at a few more African animals on their way out of the zoo. After dinner they sat together on the couch ready to talk.


	7. Chapter 7

"Okay, so I have Shay tomorrow?" Kelly checked looking at the weekly planner Erin had attached to their fridge.

"Yeah" Erin responded after leaning over to check, she wished she had neater hand writing.

"And you're coming to dinner at 51 tonight, Brett's teaching Cruz to cook so it should be edible" He added.

"See you at six" She nodded stopping to give him a kiss before collecting Shay and leaving the apartment. During the conversation she had had with Kelly they had planned out all their free time, together and apart to ensure they were using it effectively. The work day flew past though Erin noticed Voight was still annoyed at her, after talking to Kelly she'd realised just how dangerous her actions had been. She seriously regretted her actions and was struggling with the fact she couldn't change the past. She got up ready to leave for the day.

"You headed home?" Antonio questioned taking the opportunity to play with Shay's foot. Today was the first day Erin had decided to put Shay facing out of the baby carrier, she loved looking around the room but it did make feeding her more difficult.

"Not quite, dinner at the firehouse" Erin answered. Until Shay started coming to work Erin hadn't realised just how great Antonio was with kids.

"Say hi to Gabby for me" He added before pulling a face that made Shay squeal.

"Sure, see you tomorrow" She replied trying to entertain Shay with her fingers. Erin felt stupid driving the two and a half blocks to the firehouse but didn't want to have to walk back to her car after dinner.

"Hello" Kelly greeted coming up behind Erin and sneaking a quick kiss.

"Hello" She replied.

"Good day?" He asked removing Shay from the carrier for a cuddle.

"Yeah, you?" She said enjoying watching Shay grasp at his nose.

"Pretty quiet" He answered.

"I'll go see if there's anything I can do to help, you got her?" Erin asked.

"Got her" He confirmed walking proudly over to the squad table where his colleagues did their best to compete for Shay's attention. If Erin hadn't seen it with her own eyes on multiple occasions she never would have believed just how soft the brawny fire fighters truly were. Erin headed into the kitchen to see how Brett and Cruz were doing, they had more than enough helpers, so Erin used the time to catch up with Gabby.

"Antonio said to say hi" Erin started knowing that he would get annoyed if she forgot to pass on his greeting.

"I don't know why he bothers, it's not like he doesn't see me every other night at Molly's" Gabby complained.

"Just the messenger" Erin reminded.

"Sorry, I just don't know what I can do to fix things for him and Laura..." Gabby trailed off clearly her brothers failing marriage was something weighing heavily on her. "How are you anyway?" She asked after a thoughtful pause.

"Good, better" Erin answered.

"Better? What happened?" Gabby demanded, joining the guys on truck had left her too busy proving herself to bother to check in with her goddaughter.

"We just had a bit of an issue with time management now that I'm working" Erin explained feeling stupid for bringing it up.

"Matt and I are finding it hard to balance things too, we started a date night thing. I'm more than happy to babysit, whenever I'm not on shift, it helps to set aside couple time" Gabby offered.

"I might have to take you up on that" Erin agreed trying to remember what was written on her planner.

"You should, this week" Gabby insisted.

"I'll have to look at what we've got on" She said with a nod.

"Food's up" Cruz yelled interrupting the conversation at just the right moment. They sat down to dinner, Kelly was unable to juggle Shay and eating the way Erin did. After watching his miserable attempt Erin took the baby and tried to demonstrate, he gave it another shot but ended up spilling food down his shirt when Shay wriggled unexpectedly.

"I bow to your superior parenting skills" He laughed surrendering Shay to Erin.

"We'll practice at home" She declared in response.

* * *

"That's not on the planner" Kelly announced when Erin suggested they take up Gabby's offer to babysit.

"I told you, the planner is only a guide" She answered, he shook his head knowing there would be repercussions if he decided to add something.

"Right" He said sceptically.

"Don't you want to go out?" She questioned.

"I do" He nodded.

"Then we can ignore the planner" Erin reiterated.

"If you say so" He answered with a sigh.

"Sorry" She replied, making the weekly planner had been her idea and she was starting to realise she'd been a little bossy. Going out for a night was her chance to make it up to him. He shrugged and went to find out why Shay was crying. He returned a few minutes later just as the show they had been watching ended. Erin filled him in on what had happened and they made their way to bed. Erin lay with her head on his chest, discussing possible venues for their night out.

* * *

Returning home after dinner to find Shay already sound asleep was great. Gabby was happy to have a quiet evening in, without Matt she'd found that spending so much time with him was exhausting. Erin and Kelly spent some time talking with Gabby before she realised the time and decided to get home to bed.

"We should do that more often" He said watching Erin put Shay's toys away.

"I was thinking we might make it a regular thing" She suggested.

"No arguments from me" He agreed helping her tidy to get it done more quickly.

"There are plenty of people who'll be willing to look after Shay, if we rotate through them it should work out" She said to build on the idea.

"I like talking with you" Kelly said as she paused to look around the now spotless room.

"Talking? Okay we can go to bed and talk more if you want" Erin said with a grin he knew well.

"There are other things I like doing with you" He backtracked hopefully.

"Really?" She questioned.

"Really" He assured pulling her into his arms. "We need to get a bigger place" He said after kissing her.

"Okay" She agreed.

"Really?" It was his turn to ask.

"Why not?" Erin shrugged, pulling at the hem of his shirt.

**Just a little Linseride loving to keep you guys happy! I have an idea for something in a later chapter that might be a bit more M rated...Not usually my style but I'm willing to give it a shot if you promise not to laugh too hard ;) Let me know if you're keen or if you think I should stick with alluding... Other than that their search for a bigger place is about to begin :D  
**


	8. Chapter 8

The search for a new apartment started to take up any and all unscheduled time. They traded in lunch breaks for property inspections and soon found a realtor they trusted - as much as a realtor could be trusted anyway.. Erin had strict guidelines regarding proximity to work which massively limited their options. The hunt gave them something other than Shay or work to talk about. They found the perfect apartment only a week into their search but hesitated, now it was gone but it had set an impossibly high standard. Kelly considered having a talk with the landlord but Erin convinced him to let it go. They would find an even better place, eventually.

"What do you think?" June the realtor asked looking excited at the prospect of selling the three bedroom apartment.

"I think it's cute" Kelly replied struggling to judge Erin's feeling towards the plain white space.

"Can you smell that?" Erin asked looking around expectantly.

"You're right, what is that?" Kelly asked picking up on the faint scent.

"Drugs, downstairs I'd say" Erin answered honestly before turning to see that June's face had fallen.

"Really?" June questioned looking particularly shocked.

"Yeah, don't worry I'll report it" Erin volunteered ignoring the 'play nice' look Kelly was giving her. She couldn't stand it when June pretended she didn't know the faults with a place.

"Right, I'll call you if I find anything else that meets your criteria. Thanks and sorry" June said leading them back out of the apartment. Kelly and Erin made the trip to the Herrmann's house where they picked up Shay then headed home for dinner. This was essentially their routine whenever Kelly wasn't on shift. Most of the time they took Shay with them, judging her opinion based on her facial expressions and whether or not she stayed awake. Erin had agreed to look after the Herrmann kids for a few hours one afternoon every week, with Shay included it was a particularly hectic time. It gave Cindy time to run errands and do grocery shopping, something she hadn't done kid free in years. Erin always left the chaotic house exhausted with Shay hyped up from all the attention. Erin felt it was only fair to contribute in return for Cindy's occasional date night babysitting services. Cindy didn't see it that way and would happily have looked after Shay anytime for nothing in return.

* * *

"Why don't you ever let me look after Shay?" Halstead asked holding the baby so she sat on his desk.

"What do you mean?" Lindsay asked looking up from her computer.

"I was talking to Gabby at Molly's the other night, and she said she got to babysit" He questioned.

"You can look after her if you want" Lindsay agreed, wondering what he was getting at.

"Really? I thought you might not trust me or something" He explained.

"You're my partner, I trust you with my life all the time. Is that not enough?" She enquired.

"Yeah of course, I just wanted you to know that I'm good with babies" He answered.

"And by good with babies you mean you can make her smile" Lindsay teased.

"I got her to stop crying the other day" Halstead defended.

"She thought your finger was my boob, is that really something to be proud of?" She said loving how easy it was to stir him.

"You're so mean! I was volunteering to look after her but if you don't want me to that's fine" He replied.

"If you don't have to work late you can take care of her for a couple of hours this Thursday night" Erin answered, it was convenient that she hadn't already lined someone up to look after Shay.

"Awesome" Halstead answered and Lindsay couldn't help but think she had just given him exactly what he had wanted. Sure enough Thursday was a quiet day for the intelligence unit and Erin organised for Halstead to arrive at her apartment a whole hour early. She knew he would need intense baby care training.

"So this end goes in her mouth" Erin instructed holding up the bottle she had just used to demonstrate heating and washing.

"Ha ha, I'm not stupid" Jay protested though was forced to realise he should have paid better attention when she quizzed him a few minutes later.

"I'll get changed then we're good to go" Erin announced once she'd gone over the correct answers with Jay, she was sure he'd figure it out.

"I'm recording this so don't mess with the remote" Kelly instructed peeling his eyes away from the televised hockey match for a few seconds.

"Sure" Jay nodded realising his partners relationship was far more grown up than any he had seen before. No matter how attractive the girl he was still always going to pick hockey over a dinner date. He put it down to the fact they had a kid. A kid who was his responsibility for the next few hours, he had to admit he was beginning to regret the bet he'd made with Antonio.

"Call me if you need anything" Erin reinforced as she headed for the door.

"I will" Jay assured looking down at Shay "we're going to have some fun aren't we" he added once the door was closed. It turned out that the definition of fun was sitting on the couch watching hockey with the occasional game of peek-a-boo.

* * *

Meanwhile at the restaurant conversation had been temporarily interrupted by the delivery of their meals. "Babe?" Kelly asked looking up after a eating for a few moments.

"Yeah?" Erin responded automatically.

"Why are we looking at two or three bedroom apartments?" He asked sounding confused.

"What do you mean?" She questioned wondering if he had hit his head at work or something.

"Why not go all out and find a house?" He asked, Erin stopped to think for a moment, he had a point. "You know, broaden the search so we have a better chance of finding the right place" He explained logically.

"If we buy a house what's to stop you trying to fill it with children?" She asked picturing herself with half a dozen kids.

"Don't you want more though? Not now but in a few years when Shay is bigger" He asked after a thoughtful pause.

"I honestly don't know. I haven't thought about it, Shay is only four and a half months old" She replied shocked to think he had considered the possibility of having more children.

"Yeah, sorry. Pretend I didn't say that" Kelly replied shaking his head.

"I'm not saying no" She clarified before turning her attention back to her plate. They continued to eat in silence for a few minutes each inwardly feeling daft for their contributions to the conversation.

"So can I look at houses?" He asked eventually.

"Sure, the same rules apply though. Not too far from work" Erin agreed.

"It'd be nice to have a bit of a yard for Shay to play in" Kelly suggested.

"Yeah, and we'll get a dog and a cat at the same time" Erin responded sarcastically.

"Erin, we can stick to looking at apartments if you want" He said wondering what he'd missed.

"I just don't want to end up a typical suburban mum" She explained.

"There is nothing typical about you" He said. "You're incredible, as a person, as a mum and as a detective."

"A yard means mowing" She replied turning the attention away from herself though she was secretly flattered by his response.

"Yeah" He nodded though they both knew there was more to the conversation.

"I'll keep an open mind, the right place will turn up eventually" Erin concluded.

"Absolutely" Kelly agreed. Dinner continued smoothly though they tried not to talk about Shay, work or their search for the perfect place. Erin couldn't help but panic slightly when there was no movement in the apartment following her knock.

"Jay" Erin called out fumbling with her keys. Once through the door she moved quickly through the apartment breathing a massive sigh of relief when she found the two. It appeared Jay had settled in to watch the hockey then drifted off with Shay sleeping peacefully in his arms. Erin snapped a quick photo knowing it would come in handy one day then took Shay. Jay woke suddenly and oriented himself before starting to make excuses.

"I'm sorry" He concluded after running out of ideas that would justify his nodding off.

"I don't care, she's fine and you're fine. Go home and get some sleep though or work tomorrow will be interesting" Erin said shaking her head, not too long ago she would have freaked out if someone fell asleep while watching Shay.

"Okay, I'll see you in the morning then" He agreed before leaving.

* * *

"What you doing?" Matt Casey asked noticing Kelly had been spending a lot of time on his computer in his office.

"Looking for a house Erin will like" Kelly answered putting his phone on the table to eat, it was his turn to shortlist properties for viewing in the next week.

"A house? That's big" Matt replied

"Yeah, she's just so picky. How'd you do it with Dawson?" Kelly asked hoping Matt would be able to help.

"I stayed out of it. The occasional comment on structural stuff but other than that I kept my mouth shut" Matt informed.

"I can see us living in any of the places we've been, we're what makes it a home" Kelly answered.

"Tell her that, sounds like the kind of thing girls like to hear. I think" Matt suggested then backtracked realising he didn't want to take responsibility if things went badly.

"We'll see" Kelly nodded realising he didn't have time to waste chatting, he picked up his phone and continued scrolling through the listings. Kelly had just finished his list when Erin dropped by to say goodnight.

"You've been busy this week, I didn't think you'd have it done" Erin commented looking through the list he'd compiled.

"I've been working on it all afternoon" He answered honestly making her smile.

"Well thank you, it really does save time. The ones you pick are always better too" She said reaching over to wipe Shay's chin before she dribbled on his shirt.

"I hope this is the last lot" He replied.

"Me too. Alright, I'm going to take her home to bed. I'll see you in the morning" She said watching Shay yawn.

"I'll be there by seven" He assured before giving Erin a quick kiss.

"Bring breakfast?" She asked hopefully.

"Sure" He agreed walking her out to her car. He waved as she dove away then returned to the maintenance work he had been doing on the squad equipment.

**A bit of house hunting mixed with some cute stuff. I love Lindsay and Halstead's banter at work so I hope that translated well in my writing, also I've been looking forward to Halstead babysitting. Hope you liked it :D **


	9. Chapter 9

**I would like to dedicate this chapter to (in no particular order): sydcasy, stagediva23, sandygirl and biihzane. You've been consistently reading and reviewing this fic and deserve a whole lot more thanks than you get. A dedication is nothing in return for daily bursts of encouragement that motivate me to write :D To sandygirl in particular I would like to thank you for your honesty in yesterdays review and I hope this makes up for it a little! **

Erin didn't realise how ridiculously competitive she had become until she came out of the bathroom the next morning to find Kelly and Shay playing in bed.

"Dada" Kelly encouraged with a smile.

"What are you doing?" Erin demanded, she'd been spending every spare second alone with Shay doing the same for 'Mama'.

"J.. talking?" Kelly stuttered realising he had been caught in the act.

"Didn't sound like talking" She accused clearly frustrated by his actions.

"Well, no. I was trying to get Shay to do that" He explained not sure how to take her reaction.

"Well Shay is going to say Mama first, we've been practicing for weeks" Erin answered playfully.

"Really? Here I was thinking it was just me" He shrugged slightly stunned to realise they'd been working against each other.

"Are you serious?" She asked unable to hold back a disbelieving laugh.

"Absolutely, no wonder it hasn't worked yet. You've been undoing it all and confusing her" He replied, feigning outrage.

"I'm confusing her? I was just trying to level the playing field. Dada is easier to say, it isn't fair" She said in response prior to pulling on jeans and a t-shirt before joining them on the bed.

"I'll stop if you stop" He proposed narrowing his eyes.

"Sure" Erin agreed instantly.

"How am I going to know you aren't cheating?" He questioned seeing the flicker of defiance in her eyes.

"You'll just have to trust me" She answered reaching over to tickle Shay's feet. Shay responded with a laugh before babbling away, there were a few recognisable sounds but nothing close to Mama or Dada yet.

"Alright" Kelly agreed, he didn't even know why he'd started coaching Shay. It probably had something to do with what Otis had said about developmental milestones a few weeks back. Kelly was great with Shay but he wasn't they type to read parenting books, when Otis had suggested that Shay should be saying words already he had decided to take matters into his own hands.

"I don't know if I should leave her home with you all day" Erin said after a few moments.

"I'm done, I promise. She'll talk when she's ready" He replied throwing his hands up in surrender.

"Okay then. Mama loves you Shay" She said with a cheeky grin, slipping the word into conversation didn't break the rules as far as she was concerned.

"Go to work" Kelly replied with a shake of his head.

"Have a nice day. Gabby's taking Shay to a book signing at the library this afternoon, picking her up at three. I'll pick you up and we'll head to the house together" She replied sweetly kissing him quickly before turning her attention to saying goodbye to Shay.

"Book signing?" He asked slightly confused.

"Yeah, some picture book author she's always wanted to meet. She's using Shay as an excuse to be there" Erin explained realising it sounded more sane when Gabby had explained it.

"Alright" He answered shaking his head. "Stay safe" He called after her, she'd been going out into the field with the rest of the unit and his concern for her safety had reached an all time high. After all there was Shay to consider. Erin drove to the district, enjoying the silence that gave her time to mentally prepare for whatever the day had in store.

"Alright Halstead, you won" Antonio announced just as Erin walked into the locker room.

"Won?" She questioned watching Antonio hand Jay a hundred dollar bill. She hadn't really been fussed if they let her in or not but the look Jay gave Antonio heightened her suspicion.

"Yeah, just a bet" Jay tried to deflect.

"She won't care" Antonio laughed leaving the room to get some work done.

"What won't I care about?" Erin demanded knowing instantly from his behaviour that she certainly wouldn't approve.

"Before I tell you I need you to know that I didn't do it just for the money" He clarified.

"Good" She said nodding encouragingly.

"So at Molly's the other week the Dawson's ganged up on me and said they'd give me a hundred bucks if I survived a night looking after Shay. Which I did" He explained bracing himself for her reaction.

"Oh and you didn't do it just for the money, you did it for the comfy couch and decent TV as well" She answered.

"Of course. No seriously though, Shay is great and no trouble. I'll look after her any time" Jay said trying to make it seem as if winning the bet had been an added bonus.

"Antonio's right, I don't care. Just don't bet about my baby" Erin replied punching his arm before leaving the room. Voight stood by the whiteboard tapping his foot, she didn't realise her conversation with Halstead had been delaying the unit. She slid into her desk chair mumbling a quick apology to Voight.

* * *

"This is it" Erin said moving from the master bedroom to the room she anticipated would be Shay's.

"Really?" Kelly asked getting slightly excited.

"Yes!" She nodded her eyes sparkling as she smiled.

"So our room, Shay's room, then?" He asked looking at the two rooms further down the hall.

"I don't know, a guest room and a study?" She suggested, she didn't care if the rooms were left empty the house felt just like the perfect home.

"Really?" He checked again not wanting to let excitement get the better of him.

"Doesn't it feel right?" She demanded twirling in the empty room.

"Are you okay?" He asked, she'd been behaving oddly all afternoon and he had no idea why.

"Shouldn't I be excited?" She questioned.

"You don't look excited you look drugged" He replied frowning slightly.

"Seriously though" Erin stated going from thrilled to straight faced in a split second.

"What time did you go to bed?" Kelly asked reaching out to feel her forehead for a temperature.

"Okay, so I had a terrible day at work and I'm trying to see things positively" She explained looking frustrated.

"So do you actually like it? This is a big decision remember" He said knowing he would have to find out what had ruined her day.

"I do like it and I think it has everything we need" She said maintaining her completely serious tone.

"You sure?" He questioned.

"I'm certain, do you like it though?" She asked turning the tables, now she was worried he had spotted a fault.

"Absolutely" Kelly assured.

"Let's do it then" She said grabbing his hand and leading him down the stairs.

"You don't want to sleep on it?" He asked.

"Last time we did that we missed our chance, this is it" She answered with a look of determination, her strange behaviour left him wondering if she genuinely liked the house or if she just wanted to go home. Erin let Kelly talk with the realtor while she stepped out of the room and called Gabby who agreed to meet them at what was potentially their new house. Once Erin had Shay and Gabby's opinions she was convinced she was right. Kelly was glad to see her taking the commitment slightly more seriously. Deciding to trust her instincts he filled out the preliminary paperwork then toured the house a final time.

"I'll call you in the morning" The realtor guaranteed walking them down the front steps and out to the street.

"Thanks" Erin and Kelly replied. Erin and Gabby stood in the street admiring the house while Kelly moved the car seat from Gabby's car back to theirs. Gabby showed off her signed picture book and thanked Erin for letting her take Shay.

"Good to go" Kelly announced taking Shay from Gabby.

"Enjoy the book" Erin teased. "Thanks for your opinion" She added before saying goodbye and joining her family in the car, out the front of their new house. She returned to full blown excitement as they returned to the apartment and she realised just how much space they would have in the house. With Shay in her own room she could buy clothes because they were nice rather than because she needed them.

"Alright, Shay's asleep. No more excuses, what happened at work today?" Kelly asked once they'd eaten and been through Shay's bedtime routine.

"It's a long story, can't we just go to bed?" Erin tried to reason.

"No, tell me" He insisted. She sighed then launched herself across the couch so she was sitting on his lap. Then she looked into his eyes in an attempt to look seductive before kissing him roughly. "Erin, tell me" Kelly said holding her arms.

"I've been trying to help a girl, like I did with Nadia, today we found her body in an alley" Erin answered after rolling off him.

"I'm so sorry" He whispered pulling her into a hug. It was times like this, when she was most vulnerable, that he realised exactly how lucky he was. More than anyone he had met before her heart and head were in the right place.

"I tried, but maybe I should have tried harder" She explained knowing it was perfectly normal to attribute blame.

"I'm sure you did everything you could" He comforted.

"I didn't, I just did what worked with Nadia. Jamie wasn't as strong, I knew she didn't want it badly enough but I still gave her the choice" She justified thankful that he was willing to listen.

"You couldn't force her" He said.

"True, I still feel responsible though. No matter how many logical arguments you put forward. I just want to go to sleep" Erin answered snuggling against his chest, without him she would have fought her exhaustion. In his arms she was safe and she could ignore the rest of the world for a while.

"Let's go to bed then" Kelly said taking her with him as he stood up.

"Okay" She replied loving the way he could carry her with such ease. He didn't let go of her for a single second that night, she needed him and he was there.

* * *

It was a particularly long week waiting for the paperwork to be finalised before they finally received the keys to their new home. Voight had been quick to volunteer to watch Shay while they moved in but that would have to wait until the weekend when they all had time off.

"You, me and Shay. Dinner at out new house tomorrow night" Kelly announced, it was the best celebration he could come up with when they both had work.

"Alright, you bring dinner and I'll bring Shay" Erin announced pulling up out the front of the firehouse. Kelly got out of the car fully convinced that the sooner he started his shift the sooner he would finish. Voight had granted Erin a late start knowing she had to meet with the realtor but as soon as she arrived at work she was thrown into the case. It was highly complicated and took the team a long time to explain, gangs, drugs, murder, guns and prostitution, if it was illegal it was happening. She thought the monumental achievement of committing to buy a house had been forgotten but at the end of the day the team dragged her to Molly's for a celebratory drink, of juice in her case. Erin felt ridiculous at the bar with Shay but stayed until everyone had finished their first drink. It was better than going straight home after work anyway and made her realise how much the team cared. She put Shay to bed and ate dinner alone, nights when Kelly were on shift always seemed to last forever. The reality TV show she'd been watching ended and she exchanged texts with Kelly until falling asleep.

* * *

"I can't believe it's ours" Kelly said looking up at the house.

"It'll be ours properly when we have furniture" Erin replied following him through the door into the empty living room.

"I've lined everything up for this weekend" He replied flicking the light switch.

"Great now lets eat then we can explore" She said swapping Shay for the bag of take out in his hand. They settled on the living room floor to eat while watching Shay play on a blanket. They talked softly in the cavernous room enjoying just being together.

"This place is going to be awesome" Kelly said proudly.

"Absolutely, we're going to fill it with plenty of memories" She answered raising her bottle of juice in a toast.

"And kids" He he added before tapping his bottle to hers and drinking.

"Eventually" She reminded before moving to place Shay back on the blanket. They talked, ate and played with Shay. Shay's new favourite thing to do was throw her toys and have her parents retrieve them, if they didn't bring them back fast enough she would threaten to cry which always sped them up. Erin knew she should probably discourage the behaviour but she enjoyed the transformation from tiny baby to independent, game playing baby too much. Buying a house had made her think of the future, something she had spent a large chunk of her life avoiding doing, it might not have been what she had planned but there was no way this wasn't better. A wonderful man willing to put up with her and talk through problems and a beautiful, healthy, growing-bigger-everyday baby. And now a house to make into a home as well. What more could she want?

**Any good? I will do my best to avoid filler chapters in general (or simply work harder until I am actually happy with them - I haven't been for the last few days). ****Time for an excuse...I have a fairly big assignment due on Monday (45% of my mark for the subject) so I should probably focus on that tomorrow...I'm a terrible student :P I have not forgotten about the M rated stuff I promised, it will occur in the next chapter - I'll do my best to post it on Monday but my assignment has to come first...Sorry :D**


	10. Chapter 10

**So it isn't technically Monday anymore...I'm very sorry. I did manage to get my assignment in on time and write this today so I am pretty pleased with my efforts. I hope you enjoy this, by far the hardest chapter I have written! Have barely proofread it but I'll do that in the morning :D**

Erin had no idea why she woke up at that specific moment on Saturday morning, Shay was still sleeping, the light had not yet burst through the gap between the curtains, and everything was silent. She thought for a moment that she might need to use the bathroom but that was swiftly ruled out as well. All in all she was awake for no reason, yet she couldn't get back to sleep. It couldn't be that she wasn't tired, they'd had a late night watching movies while packing and work hadn't exactly been slow that week. She was tired but she couldn't sleep. After considering leaving the bedroom to continue packing she rolled over determined to get back to sleep. With a rush of sentimentality she realised this was the last time she would be waking up in this room, her bedroom. She had had bedrooms before but this one had been completely and totally hers. Not the hostile bedroom she knew as a child nor the sanctuary provided by the Voights, this room was hers. Recently she had started to share it with the two people she loved most in the world: Kelly, undoubtedly the other half of her soul, the person she was destined to be with, and Shay, the person they had made together, their perfect baby. The sudden rush of emotion towards nothing more than a room, walls, paint and carpet surprised her. Letting her eyes drift she was assailed with memories. The time she had hit the jammed window with a book, missed and dented the window sill, the cracked paint on the ceiling she stared at when she couldn't sleep. The very faded but still slightly visible wine stain on the carpet near the door brought back a particularly difficult night, the first infanticide case she had investigated. All the old memories stirred in her mind obscured by the things that now occupied the room. One of Shay's tiny socks on the floor next to the crib, Kelly's boots near the door, all evidence to the fact she was no longer alone. It might have been just a room but it was a room that contained moments, or memories of moments, a combination of the best and worst. Erin sincerely hoped that their new house would come to be a home, it was hard to picture the empty shell of a building containing these special moments. Reflecting back on when she had moved into the apartment she realised she hadn't wanted or needed a home then, just a space that was all her own. It had taken time but she had learned that her mind, body and soul were her own. The apartment was all she had needed to be truly independent. Now that she'd chosen to share herself with the people she loved most, it was only right that they start fresh, in a place that was theirs. As if sensing the deep and strange thought crisis she was having Kelly rolled and snaked his arm around her waist pulling her closer.

"You okay?" He whispered hoarsely barely opening his eyes. Erin had no idea when he had gotten to know her well enough to read her with such ease but it was reassuring.

"Yeah" She reassured pressing against him until he lay flat on his back, now she could rest her head on his chest and let the steady thud of his heart calm her mind. That was the theory anyway. Shay had other ideas and sensing her parents were awake decided it was high time for breakfast. Shay fussed a little scrunching her face and flailing her clenched fists. With a long sigh Erin pushed herself out of bed and lifted the baby into her arms, instantly calming her. Kelly did the gentlemanly thing and tried to look as if he wasn't enjoying the extra time he had to doze. Erin enjoyed the time she spent feeding Shay, it really was an amazing opportunity to bond.

"What time is it? Matt's going to be here at nine" Kelly asked when he finally decided to sit up.

"It's only seven thirty, time for you to make breakfast before we finish packing" Erin replied, he knew it was an instruction not a suggestion and promptly got out of bed.

"Anything in particular you want?" He asked.

"Something that uses up the eggs and cheese" She replied too transfixed on Shay to look up.

"I'll see what I can do" He nodded before leaving to check the kitchen. Of course he had started packing things from the kitchen and now had to dig through the box for the utensils he wanted. Feeling particularly lazy he cut cheese into the scrambled eggs and scooped them onto wraps seasoning lightly with salt, pepper and Italian herbs. Erin left Shay to rest more, wanting her on her best behaviour to make things easier for Hank. Kelly had expected complaints, a groan at the very least, but Erin accepted the wrap and ate it while writing a list of things they had to do.

"Okay, so I'm going to finish packing in the bedroom, you finish the kitchen. Then I'll take Shay to Hank and head to the house while you coordinate the move from here" Erin explained in an attempt to summarize the comprehensive list she had written.

"Sounds good, if you number the boxes I can send them in order" He suggested.

"Smart" She complimented opening a drawer to grab a marker, the drawer was empty and Kelly bent to retrieve one from the box for her. Marker in hand she set about numbering the boxes, it didn't take long but she was pretty sure she'd made two number sevens after stopping to check on Shay. They got dressed then packed all the remaining clothing from the closet. Kelly returned to the kitchen while Erin sorted out a bag to accompany Shay to Hank's house.

"Matt's on his way" Kelly called after his message alert tone sounded.

"We're about to leave" Erin replied fighting to get Shay's second sock on. She quickly double checked everything and made a second copy of her list, handing it to Kelly as if it was the most valuable thing they owned. "Don't forget you can call me" She added grabbing her keys, the key to their new house shiny and bright next to the older, dull keys. Shay couldn't help herself and fell asleep as soon as the car started moving. Erin could tell that Hank was trying not to look pleased that Shay was asleep as she ran him through everything he would possibly need to know to care for her. Unlike other times she had left Shay with someone she didn't have even the slightest doubt that he would take good care of her.

"Have fun" Hank teased from the doorstep.

"Oh I will" Erin replied confidently, how could unpacking and sorting everything you own in a day be fun, she suspected the one day move plan was a little too ambitious. She had barely had time to set the thermostat when Matt Casey and the first load of boxes arrived. She directed them into the right rooms and made sure to thank him.

"They're doing furniture at the moment so that should be next" Matt informed.

"Awesome, remind him to follow the list" She said hopefully.

"I'll do my best" Matt laughed as he left the house. Erin set about conducting an inventory check as she unpacked, starting in the kitchen.

* * *

The day went incredibly smoothly, he followed the list to the letter and sounded calm on the phone when they stopped for lunch. Not long later he accompanied Matt to deliver the remainder of the boxes. "Last one" He announced before placing down the box in the middle of the living room.

"Really?" She questioned, stunned that everything had gone to plan.

"I hate to break it to you but we really don't own that much stuff" He answered.

"Well we've never had space for more, now we do..." She trailed off hoping he understood what she was suggesting. Matt descended the stairs then made a quick exit before they could rope him into rearranging furniture again.

"We spent so long packing it" He complained as she opened yet another box and started pulling out items.

"It's just like shopping, you put it in the trolley then through the checkout, back into the trolley, into the car then finally inside once you get home. Lots of packing and unpacking, it's kind of fun though" She said happily draping a blanket over the couch.

"Sure, I'm going to go do Shay's room" He said suddenly, causing her to raise a suspicious eyebrow.

"Have fun" She answered before returning to the box to find something else to put away. She got distracted from time to time and moved from one box to another unpacking erratically. She wanted nothing more than for their new house to be perfect, and finding the right homes for some of their belongings was harder than it looks.

"Babe, I'm going to dash to the hardware store I'll be back in a bit" Kelly called making his way for the door.

"What for?" She called back but the sound of the front door closing was all the answer she got. She didn't hear him return, but she did hear Shay's bedroom door click closed. While her detective instincts demanded she find out what he was doing she decided to trust that he had a reason for keeping her out. There was plenty of unpacking to keep her occupied anyway. She'd made a dent on each of the rooms but was yet to finish unpacking a single box, as soon as she got close to the bottom she would find something to do in another room. Meanwhile Kelly worked away in Shay's room, there was the occasional thud, typically followed by an expletive but otherwise there was no indication of what he was doing.

"Erin" He called eventually, it was just after three and she'd decided to have a five minute break.

"Coming" She replied placing her glass of water on the kitchen bench before venturing up the stairs and into Shay's room. She gasped and her eyes widened as she finally saw what he had been doing.

"I know we didn't talk about it but I figured you'd be a little sad with Shay in her own room..." He started but was stunned to silence when he saw a single tear run down her face. "Don't you like it?" He questioned suddenly doubting everything he had done, regretting not consulting her and choosing together.

"It's perfect" She answered after struggling for words. Kelly let out a tiny laugh as relief washed over him before pulling her into a hug.

"I didn't want to go overboard but it was kind of fun" He said turning so they could both admire his work. The wall behind the crib was covered in carefully placed wall stickers, a tree on either side with the name banner hanging between them. On the branch of one tree sat two colourful owls. The simple black tree silhouette looked perfect on the pale, olive green wall. The bright banner and owls accenting the organic colour particularly well.

"You're incredible" She answered still stunned he had put so much effort into decorating the room. When she finally tore her eyes from the wall she saw that he had unpacked and organised everything as well.

"I hope she likes it" He murmured thinking of Shay and her growing ability to communicate dislike.

"She will" Erin replied hugging him even tighter. They stood in silence for a few moments simply appreciating his handiwork.

"I suppose we should keep unpacking" Kelly said eventually accompanied by a sigh.

"I think you deserve a break" Erin replied with a smile he knew well.

"A break?" He questioned.

"From unpacking" She replied reaching down to grasp his hand. With one last look over her shoulder she led him to their new bedroom.

"Wait a sec" He said pulling his hand from hers leaving her standing at the end of the bed. Footsteps disappeared down the hall, then down the stairs as Erin stood wondering what he was doing. Soon enough he bounded back up the stairs meeting her quizzical look with a mischievous one.

"And?" She asked not noticing the slip of paper in his hand.

"Had to get this" He said holding it up triumphantly. Erin replied with an increasingly confused look and he decided to explain. "I just don't recall seeing this part on the list" He laughed.

"Oh, sorry. We can follow the list if you'd prefer" She challenged her face deadly serious.

"That's not what I meant" He answered quickly but she had already started to move toward the door. "Item 23" He exclaimed after a quick scan of the list.

"Bedroom?" She asked moving to stand next to him so she could see the list properly.

"Yes, bedroom. Short for test new bedroom" He answered proudly.

"Ah, well that does make sense" Erin agreed unable to keep a straight face any longer.

"Shall we?" Kelly asked as his mischievous grin reappeared.

"We shall" She answered, her voice suddenly little more than a whisper. He turned to face her then gripped her upper arms tightly in his hands before pausing for a moment as their eyes met. The anticipation was palpable. Blue eyes darted from her hazel stare to her lips wanting nothing more in that moment than to feel them against his skin. The corners of her lips turned up as gaze flickered back upwards indicating that she was feeling the exact same thing. It was a glorified staring competition, with much higher stakes and an unclear definition of winner. Two strategies were at play: looking as alluring as possible hoping the other to make the first move or focusing on the eyes and hoping against hope that their heart didn't explode as it raced faster and faster in desperation. The stalemate ended in a tie both moving to blink eyes closed and crash lips together in an instant. Their lips kicked into action the feel of finally making contact spurring them on. Her tongue grazed against his lower lip and he didn't hesitate to respond.

"Bed" He breathed as their mouths separated giving in to pleas from desperate lungs. She didn't have a chance to answer too occupied by the way he pressed his body against her, steering them to the freshly made bed. Stopping for a moment at the edge he rid her of her shirt and pants before pausing to let her do the same. Erin stood frozen for a moment then rushed to tug his shirt up and over his head, he removed his jeans himself as her eyes danced across his abdomen. Now wearing only their underwear they settled on the bed bursts of pure energy coursing through their veins every time their skin touched. A soft moan escaped her mouth before his lips returned to hers hungry for the feeling of her tongue against his. His hands coursed across her body loving every rise and contour. The next time they parted to breathe he returned his mouth to her earlobe loving the noise she made as his tongue travelled on down her neck. Pressing soft, barely-there kisses along the edge of her bra he moved quickly to unclasp it as she arched her back craving the pressure of his lips against her burning skin. He flung the bra across the room returning his mouth to hers momentarily before rushing to explore the newly revealed flesh of her heaving chest. Her head spun as her brain struggled to cope with the sensory overload. In an attempt to elicit some acknowledgement of pleasure she ran her fingers lightly down his back. He was too focused on trailing kisses between her breasts to her navel and below. Every sound she made encouraged him to move faster covering the distance to the lacy edge of her panties in no time. Gathering her incoherent thoughts she took control pulling his face up until their lips met then gripping him between her thighs to roll them until she sat astride him. The friction sent them both mad and she worked quickly to remove the thin layers of fabric separating them. Kelly could no longer let her control the situation roughly flipping her onto her back. Erin tried not to hurt him with her fingernails gripping him tightly as he positioned himself above her. She desperately needed more yet there he was teasing her at the last second. With a grunt she moved her hands to his hips and maneuvered him to gain what she desired. He groaned at the way she never really let him control anything but didn't protest. She couldn't stop the stream of words leaving her mouth, his name accompanied by expletives, conscious thought consumed by the raging inferno within. The intensity of his movements built driving her closer and closer to the edge. Suddenly her words stopped replaced briefly by rapid breathing, then silence. After a staggeringly long time she drew in a shuddering breath her body continuing to spasm until he joined her. A moment later he flopped to the bed beside her panting heavily, as his breathing calmed he pulled her closer then gave in to exhaustion.

* * *

Erin woke with a start finding herself in complete darkness. Kelly continued to breathe evenly behind her as she raced to find her pants and mobile phone. Stumbling around in the darkness was useless so she found her way to the light switch and flicked it on. Her eyes watered from the intensity of the light but she ignored it, intent on locating her phone. Pulling it out of the pocket in her pants she pressed the on button and faced twelve missed calls, all from Hank. "Shit" She said loudly before hitting dial. Holding the phone with her shoulder she struggled to pull clothes on while she waited for Hank to answer. In the bed Kelly stirred wondering what was happening.

"Hank, what's going on?" She demanded as soon as the call connected.

"Everything is fine, just wanted to know when you'll be collecting Shay" He answered sounding ridiculously calm to her panicked mind.

"I'm just leaving, I'll be there soon" She said finding it difficult to dress with one and a half hands.

"Bring Kelly, I've cooked dinner" He replied.

"Alright, see you soon" She agreed knowing it was easier than arguing. "We've got to go, get dressed" Erin announced as soon as she hung up.

"What?" He asked groggily but still managed to sit up.

"Dinner with Hank in five" She answered, it had the desired effect and he was out of bed pulling on clothes in seconds. Erin did her best to straighten her clothes not wanting to look as disheveled as she felt. Kelly followed her silently out to the car and slid into the passenger seat without complaint. They arrived at Hank's house and were pleased to see Shay happy and smiling in her grandpa's arms.

"Shay and I have something to show you" Hank revealed once they had had a moment to settle in.

"Really?" Erin questioned not sure what to expect.

"Shay, who am I?" He questioned looking at her intently.

"Papa" Shay answered confidently looking from Hank to her parents stunned faces.

**Okay, so was that alright? I really wanted to focus on their feelings rather than the mechanics of the situation. I did warn you that it wasn't my strong suit, constructive criticism would be appreciated - try and make a sandwich: positive, point to improve on, positive. Love you all and sorry again for the delay!**

**P.S - I was trying a different writing style, did you notice? Do you like it? **


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello, I was very pleased with the positive reactions to yesterdays chapter. I didn't spend nearly as long perfecting this one but still think it's pretty good. Enjoy :D**

Erin set the salad bowl on the table then took a step back to inspect her efforts. She had spent the afternoon in the kitchen, the mess revealed just how over ambitious she had been. Every time she looked at the perfect pictures in the cook book she couldn't budge the feeling that she was simply playing house. Masquerading as a competent home maker, working and raising a child suddenly wasn't good enough, she felt the need to prove that she could perform domestic tasks as well. Moving into a house had made life easier, with more space came less clutter. Shay had spent the afternoon playing in her bouncy chair, enjoying her mothers humming and laughing at frustrated growls. Erin had decided to cook a proper three course meal earlier in the afternoon settling on the recipes with the fewest ingredients, less opportunity to stuff it up. When Erin had finally finished cooking the kitchen was a disaster zone. After doing her best to minimise the damage she turned her attention to presenting everything neatly on the table. Now finally satisfied everything was presented as neatly as possible she retrieved Shay and checked her phone. Kelly hadn't called to say he was running late so she expected him home any second. The longer she looked at the table the more faults she spotted. Turning her attention to Shay she straightened her small pink shirt and flower headband before checking her phone again. Kelly had no idea that she'd planned such an elaborate dinner so she could forgive him for being a few minutes late.

"I'm home" He called as he stepped through the front door.

"How was your day?" Erin asked moving to the hall so that she could see him, he looked exhausted.

"Long" Kelly replied. "Have you been cooking?" He asked hanging his coat on its hook.

"Yeah, I made dinner" She answered leading him through to the dining room.

"Wow, looks amazing" He commented concerned he had forgotten a special occasion.

"I just felt like doing something nice" She revealed not missing the sigh of relief he let out upon realising he hadn't forgotten something.

"Thank you" He responded watching Erin secure Shay in her brand new high chair. They hadn't had space for one in the apartment, and Shay had a habit of sleeping through meals, it was nice to have her at the table with them. Conversations with Shay were rather one sided, shortly after picking up 'papa' she had moved on to 'ma-da' a combined term she used to gain attention.

"Antonio reckons she's saying murder" Erin commented as Shay expressed her disgust at being second priority to food.

"It does kinda sound like it" He laughed feeling especially spoiled.

"I'm a little worried about the words she's going to pick up if she keeps coming to work with me" She replied.

"That could be a problem" He agreed. "This is amazing by the way."

"I wasn't sure it would be edible, the cook book may as well have been written in another language" She said before realising this was one of the instances where her habit of turning down praise could be seen as rude.

"It's great, you just have to trust yourself" Kelly assured eating with vigour to evidence just how great it tasted. Not trusting herself not to accept the praise she didn't reply simply giving him a smile in response. "The guys want to know when the house warming party is" He said after a few moments of comfortable silence.

"Oh, I hadn't even thought about it, we could do something on the weekend though, you aren't working Saturday" Erin answered not sure exactly how complicated hosting a party could be.

"It doesn't have to be big" He said feeling as if he shouldn't have brought it up, she'd worked so hard to make a nice dinner and now he wanted her to organise and host a party.

"Yeah, it's a good idea though, we don't really get together with everyone very often" She replied not at all worried by the idea, all of their friends were fairly laid back.

"We'll organise it together" He added.

"Of course. Now about Shay and work, she's getting bigger..." Erin started not exactly sure where she wanted the discussion to go.

"We'll look into daycare, it'll only ever be few days a week because I'll still look after her on my days off" He filled in for her.

"But then I only get to see her before and after work and on weekends" She replied revealing the real issue behind her hesitation.

"I'm sorry, I wish there was something I could do to change it but you can't have everything" He said wisely.

"I know, I just don't want to miss anything" She answered though there was no other solution she could think of.

"You won't. The only difference will be that you won't have to look after her at work, you'll be too busy out on the streets chasing down criminals to worry about her" He reasoned. It was easy enough to talk about the danger her job entailed, it was actually sending her off to work knowing she might not come home that was the difficult part.

"Alright, I'll ask around and do some research" She agreed just as the oven timer sounded, desert was ready. Of all the things she had ever cooked the Chocolate Lava Cakes turned out the best, perfectly baked outsides and gooey centered as well. Kelly refused to let Erin clean up and instead sent her upstairs to bathe Shay. Once Shay was asleep in bed they started the preliminary planning for their house warming party.

* * *

Saturday arrived before doubt had a chance to set in. From the very beginning Erin had been eager to be a good host and Kelly had continually had to tone down her plans. With only half an hour left until guests started arriving she allowed herself a moment of panic, there was still so much to be done. The fact that Kelly had just installed a baby gate at the top of the stairs didn't help. The mechanism on the safety device was stiff and unyielding delaying any trip up or down the stairs considerably. Erin tried desperately to keep her cool but snapped slightly when she tried to descend the stairs with both hands full, beyond frustrated she instructed him to remove the gate, it wasn't as if Shay was even mobile yet. Kelly argued that it had taken him almost an hour to install then volunteered to get anything she needed, she accepted the offer and made the most of it hurrying to get everything looking presentable in time. Using a table cloth she covered the two remaining unpacked boxes, both full of books, to turn them into impromptu tables. Erin learned quickly that the worst part of being a host was the delay between finishing setting up and when people started arriving. As always the Herrmann's were the first to arrive, Chris joked that if they weren't the first they'd be the last. Erin loved the way Cindy managed her brood, keeping the peace from a distance. Kelly took door duty while Erin chatted away with Cindy then snuck upstairs to show her Shay's beautiful room. Along the way Cindy taught her some tricks of the trade regarding the baby gate and Erin's loathing for the device quickly dissipated now that she could actually get it open.

"I'm going to change her, keep an ear out for the door" Kelly said holding Shay at arms length the way he always did when she soiled her diaper.

"Okay" She replied checking to see the living room occupied by happy guests. It didn't take long for the doorbell to ring. "What on earth?" Erin demanded stepping aside quickly to let Hank and Alvin through, between them they carried a large cardboard box.

"It's your present" Hank winked trying to avoid the door frame as he moved into the living room.

"What is it?" She questioned scanning the plain cardboard box for clues.

"Well the other night at dinner you complained that you needed bookshelves" Hank explained.

"Yeah" Erin replied finally understanding the box.

"Well you see I bought this at IKEA a while back but then I moved back into the house. They've just been sitting in the garage unopened, it's fine if you don't like them" Alvin continued.

"Thank you, that's great" She said knowing she would easily find a place for them no matter what they looked like. The house still seemed bare in places, her furniture looked great in an apartment but the sheer size of the house dwarfed it.

"We'll just leave it here for now" Hank said placing down the box along the far wall, out of the way of guests. Erin hadn't noticed that her improvised moving box table now covered in presents of various shapes, sizes and wrappings.

"I didn't know we'd get presents" Erin whispered to Kelly when he returned and handed Shay over.

"Of course" He winked stopping beside her to watch their friends mingle.

"We should have parties like this more often" She joked.

"I don't plan on moving again any time soon so enjoy it while it lasts" He replied kissing her forehead quickly before heading to the kitchen for a beer. Erin joined in a conversation and took the chance to enjoy the moment. Their new house was filled with all the people they held near and dear, the atmosphere fun and relaxed. After everyone had finished eating they opened presents, two creatively wrapped potted plants amongst other useful and thoughtful household items.

"You can look after a baby but I'm not sure you won't kill that" Jay teased as Erin placed the pot plant in the empty corner of the living room.

"I bet you looked for the most complicated one" She responded catching his cheeky grin before turning to read the label. It wasn't particularly tricky, keep out of direct sunlight and water regularly, surely she could do that.

"I hope you don't mind, it's a lame present but I had no idea what else to get" Jay said finally.

"I really like it actually, nice and green" Erin said turning the pot so the best foliage was at the front. "For now anyway" She muttered not even trusting her own ability to care for the plant. They talked for a while until Kelly requested Erin, one of four sober people in the house, drive his friends home. It took a few minutes for him to explain the directions but soon enough she felt like the typical suburban mother, taxiing people around.

"That wasn't so bad was it?" He asked when she returned to the nearly empty house.

"The party or being in a car with your squad? I have a slightly better appreciation of what happens in the squad truck now" She answered.

"They weren't too bad were they?" He questioned wondering who he would need to discipline.

"They were fine and the party was great too" She answered before turning her attention to ushering the last few people out. After a very quick clean up they headed up to get Shay ready for bed already dreading the effect the late night would have on her mood the next day.

"Bed time?" He questioned watching Erin settle Shay into her crib.

"I'll be there in a sec" She confirmed in essence giving him permission to leave her with Shay. It took slightly longer than she anticipated with Shay still to excited from the various guests to go to sleep. When she finally made it to the bedroom she was fighting to stop herself yawning constantly. She knew that if she didn't laugh she'd cry as Kelly's snores filled the room sentencing her to a less than ideal nights sleep.

**So I wanted them to have another opportunity to get together with everyone. I only write the interesting parts but in reality their lives, with such tight work schedules, leave little time for socialisation. Couldn't help but throw some IKEA furniture in there...might have to write about the assembly for a bit of a laugh next chapter! If Erin was that frustrated by a baby gate I can't imagine her trying to decipher IKEA instructions. I plan on getting a Christmas themed chapter up tomorrow but then I'll be taking a few days off to spend time with my family. If you don't get the chance to read the Christmas chapter between now and the day (it's a hectic time of year for most) I hope you have a great Christmas/Holiday :D**


	12. Chapter 12

**I decided to upload late so that those of you in my timezone are more likely to read it in the morning ;) Not really, I was just busy all day! This is the Christmas chapter with added IKEA furniture construction scene as a Christmas present to you all (once it was in my head I couldn't help but write it down). To those of you who don't celebrate Christmas I hope you have a nice holiday and to those who do Merry Christmas! I hope you all have a safe and happy break, enjoying the things that really matter family, friends and food... **

"I swear it makes more sense this way" Kelly said rotating the instructions one hundred and eighty degrees.

"Give it to me" Erin answered carefully putting the handful of screws on the ground before snatching the piece of paper. The quizzical look on her face indicated she also didn't understand the picture.

"If we put this bit here and screw it in then add the next shelf it'll be fine" He said turning his attention to the parts of the furniture.

"No then it'll be backwards and we'll see the ugly side" She answered looking up from the diagram to better understand what he was saying.

"Ugly side..." He grumbled in response before flipping the piece.

"I think I've got it" She announced holding the instructions in front of him before explaining, based on the previous and next steps what the instructions were actually telling them to do.

"Makes sense" He agreed reluctantly before configuring the pieces the way they appeared in the pictorial instructions. With Erin translating and Kelly building bookshelf construction continued smoothly. The final screw was missing sparking a house wide search, though it was eventually located in Kelly's pocket.

"It's done" Erin sighed stepping back slowly to admire the bookshelf. It really shouldn't have taken an hour and a half to construct.

"Time to add some books" He said smiling broadly now that the task was nearing completion.

"Don't put that one there, it's too heavy" Erin warned but Kelly didn't listen. As they headed toward the stairs, ready for bed after a long night of furniture construction a thudding noise indicated he should have listened. The whole shelf had fallen, expelling all the books causing them to thunder to the floor. Shay was woken by the sound and her cries could be heard from the bottom of the stairs. "I'll get her, you fix that" Erin instructed before heading to console Shay.

* * *

"It's Christmas next week" Kelly reminded as they fought their way through the unusually crowded mall towards the grocery store.

"Yeah, we aren't doing anything big are we?" Erin questioned wondering if he had made any plans.

"No, just lunch with Hank like last year?" He asked knowing it was a Christmas tradition for Erin.

"Actually, I don't think we should make Hank host, he's been working so hard recently and I swear he's lost weight" She said wishing she had more time with him to find out exactly what had been going on.

"We could do it, nothing fancy just something quiet and simple" He agreed securing Shay in the trolley.

"Sounds good, I'll tell him at work tomorrow" Erin said aloud, more to secure on her mental to do list than for Kelly's benefit. They started up and down the aisles laughing when they reached for the same product at the same time.

"Did you bring the list" He asked suddenly.

"Of course" She answered handing him the crumpled piece of paper. They didn't get the chance to shop together very often so making a list was important.

"After this we could get some decorations, like a tree and stuff"

"An artificial one. I spent enough time walking around in fields to find 'the perfect tree' with Hank as a kid" She laughed remembering the freezing cold adventure and the mug of hot chocolate Camille had waiting when they arrived home with what was forever referred to as the best Christmas tree.

"Okay, what's for dinner tonight?" He questioned pulling her focus back to the shopping. Once the shopping was in the car they decided they'd leave Christmas tree shopping for another day, they'd bought a lot of cold food and Shay was grumpy.

"You're really hard to buy for so can we just agree on one present each. We'll both get stuff for Shay though" Erin suggested as they unpacked the shopping. Shay was oblivious to the conversation as she slept in her car seat on the kitchen floor, not that she had any idea what Christmas was.

"Yeah, sounds good, do you think she'll be able to unwrap presents by herself?" He agreed tessellating their purchases to take up the least room in the pantry.

"Maybe, she's getting more coordinated. It'll be fun to watch her try anyway" She said looking forward to a quiet day at home together. Work had been hectic over the last few weeks and combined with the stress of finding a suitable daycare center for Shay she'd barely had time to consider the holiday. Kelly had been equally busy as the number of house fires increased as winter set in.

"Anything in particular you want?" He questioned, she really was the hardest person to buy for.

"Surprise me" She challenged not having even having considered presents for herself yet, she was too busy brainstorming ideas for him.

"Great" He groaned, now he'd have to get back in favour with Gabby so he could get something half decent. Not that he was out of favour, she just didn't like how friendly he was with Sylvie Brett.

"It doesn't have to be big or fancy, spending time together as a family is a present in itself" She said wisely fitting the last of their purchases in the freezer.

"Alright, what are we doing this afternoon then?" He asked looking across the room to see that Shay was still asleep. As soon as she woke up they could do something together.

* * *

"So I hope you know I'm terrible at this" Erin warned selecting the only rectangular box among the stack of things they had bought Shay for Christmas.

"Well I'm lousy too, I'm starting to think we'd have been better off paying the people at the shop to wrap this" Kelly answered holding up an irregularly shaped toy.

"It doesn't have to look great" She assured getting stuck into wrapping the box, struggling with a rectangle did not bode well for the rest of the evening. If nothing else it was a highly comedic experience, they both ended up covered in tape and the room was a complete mess. When all the presents were finally wrapped they placed them under the tree. The wrapping paper covering the ridiculously large teddy bear they had bought Shay tore as Kelly tried to place it so it was quickly shifted to the back of the display.

"Done?" He questioned.

"Done" She assured, she'd snuck his present in right at the base of the tree, it wasn't very big so she hoped he hadn't noticed it.

"Bed?" He asked before wrapping his arm around her shoulders and guiding her up the stairs. Erin found it hard to sleep strangely eager to open presents in the morning. Christmas had never meant anything but family and food, now that she had her own family it was suddenly vital that it go smoothly. Without even realising she'd fallen asleep she woke as Kelly flung the curtains open to let in the bright morning sun. "Merry Christmas" He announced before flopping back onto the bed to kiss her good morning.

"Already?" She asked feeling as if no time had passed at all.

"Presents" He shouted before launching himself off the bed. Erin took her time and was finally fully awake when Kelly returned with Shay.

"Did you wake her?" Erin asked.

"Yeah, it's Christmas, you can't sleep in on Christmas" He replied, she wondered if he had always been as excited about the day or if having Shay had affected him as well.

"Merry Christmas baby" Erin said taking Shay from Kelly, he'd even gone to the trouble of dressing her in her 'My First Christmas' shirt and green and red stripy pants. The Christmas hat sat crooked on her head and they both knew the moment they looked away it would be removed. Erin pulled out her phone and snapped a few photos before finally giving in to Kelly's demands and heading downstairs. In the morning light the tree and presents looked even more magical. After a few more photos they settled onto the couch trying to read each others minds.

"So the mature thing to do would be to help Shay open her presents first..." Erin said eventually eying the one wrapped item she knew hadn't been there when they'd gone to bed.

"She's still pretty sleepy, I say we open ours first" He said eager to see her face when she opened the present he had purchased.

"Sounds good to me" She said getting up to dig his present out from among the others. "Here you go". He took the small box, wrapped in blue paper with white snowflakes and could barely contain his excitement. Carefully peeling back the tape and paper revealed a plain black box. He opened it carefully and pulled out the present. What appeared to be normal dog tags on a chain were actually a highly personalised gift.

"Wow" He let out while flicking from the first tag, with his name, date of birth and other personal information to the second. The silver surface had been laser etched to create a perfect picture of Erin and Shay. He recognised the image immediately, it was his favourite photo of the pair and had been set as his phone background photo for more than a month. "It's beautiful" He said finally looking up to show Erin just how pleased he was.

"I know you already wear a necklace" She started but wasn't able to finish as he pulled her into a hug.

"It's perfect and I love it" He said kissing her head then proceeding to put his present on.

"Did you see the back?" She asked, he fumbled with it then turned over the tags revealing the words 'Stay Safe'. It had been something they had started saying to each other every time they went to work, in their time together they had both learned just how dangerous their occupations could be.

"Now you have to open yours" He said getting up and retrieving her present, it was a large, almost flat rectangle. She had absolutely no idea what it could be so set about unwrapping it straight away.

"This is exciting" She said finally pulling away the paper. Before her stood a canvas print of a photo she had never seen before: tiny Shay curled and peacefully sleeping in Kelly's fire helmet. "When was this taken?" She asked stunned that she had never seen the perfect image before.

"The day she was born" He replied still not sure if she liked it.

"It's amazing, she was so small" Erin said letting sentimentality wash over her for a moment before giving him a big smile to show she liked the gift.

"Gabby helped me organise getting it enlarged and printed" He explained.

"I can't believe I haven't seen it before, it's the most perfect photo" She said still shocked at just how thoughtful a gift it was. The fact that both their gifts had ties to Shay made her realise just how important her small family was.

"Not bad for a phone photo" He laughed relieved she liked the present.

"I'm going to hang it on that wall there so that everyone can see it" Erin declared pointing to the bare wall above the couch.

"I'll hang it" He volunteered "after we open more presents"

"Shay can open her own" She responded placing Shay on the floor in front of the presents. Shay shuffled herself forward a little and grabbed at a present, it took a few attempts but soon it was in her lap. Kelly pulled one corner of the paper loose and from there she tore it off, her gummy smile indicating just how much she was enjoying it. Erin took the box and fought to get the toy out, plastic ties making it nearly impossible. The glow in the dark teddy bear was discarded for another present and wrapping paper shredding opportunity. What baby didn't want a miniature fire truck, complete with lights and sirens. Kelly stopped to take some photos loving every look Shay gave, delight followed by confusion and anger when the tape stuck to her hand. Once the gift opening portion of the morning was done they moved on to breakfast and lunch preparations. Kelly kept Shay occupied and decorated the table while Erin worked in the kitchen, she didn't have a recipe but seemed quite confident. Hank, Nadia, Antonio and Jay arrived on time and soon enough lunch was on the table. It was calm, quiet and as far as Erin was concerned the perfect way to spend Christmas. Antonio tried but failed to teach Shay to say Christmas and the afternoon disappeared as they ate, talked and laughed the day away. Erin sent everyone home with an assortment of leftovers then cuddled on the couch with Kelly and Shay to watch a Christmas movie. Shay fell asleep very quickly, exhausted after a long day filled with presents and family, leaving Erin and Kelly to talk softly until the movie ended.

"I like Christmas" He said as the credits began to roll.

"I like Christmas with you" She answered pressing a kiss to his forehead as she got up, taking Shay up to bed. She joined him in the kitchen a few moments later, making sure everything was washed and put away properly before they made their way to bed. On the way Erin caught herself stopping to stare at her present, Shay had been so tiny and had grown so quickly. Rather than looking to the future she reflected on the past, instantly filled with a sense of self pride she'd never felt before. Feeling more contented than ever before she joined Kelly in bed and slept soundly.

**I could have gone on and on with descriptions but wanted to keep things short and sweet. Hope you liked it :D What did you think of their presents to each other? I don't know how viable it is but picturing a tiny baby in a fire helmet was too cute to resist...just had to figure out how to weave it into the story. I feel like Kelly is really acing the dad and partner role. Thanks for reading! **


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello, I've had a lovely break but I'm back and ready to go! I spent a fair bit of time planning so I have a much clearer vision of what I want to happen in the next few chapters. I hope you enjoyed your break as well :D**

Kelly had a dilemma. Erin hadn't mentioned the possibility of putting Shay in daycare for weeks. They had both been increasingly busy over the holiday period so they hadn't exactly had much time to talk about it. They hadn't been able to find someone to look after Shay so there would be no date night that week. Not that Kelly really wanted to bring the topic of daycare up while they were out together, or at all for that matter. He had however noticed that Erin always seemed happier when she returned home after a long day at work without Shay. Exhausted but fulfilled after a day of making Chicago a safer city. It was a feeling Kelly knew well, the feeling of knowing for sure a house was clear as flames consumed it, that he had done his job as best he could. He also knew what it was like not to be able to work to his full potential, injury had left him unable to do the job he loved on more than one occasion. While Erin would never admit it he was certain taking Shay to work was slowing her down. The dilemma was how to bring it up tactfully. Kelly decided the only solution was to stage date night at home, cook something nice and then bring it up over dinner. Executing the plan was considerably easier than he had expected. With Shay in the baby carrier on his chest he was able to put together Erin's favourite meal, chicken and asparagus Risotto. Erin arrived home just in time to watch him serve dinner. She was intrigued that Kelly had gone to the effort of making her favourite meal and focused on appreciating the gesture rather than questioning the motive behind it.

"Looks good" Erin commented helping him undo the baby carrier and settle Shay in her high chair.

"You've been working all day and I didn't think you'd let me get away with a third lot of take out" He replied.

"Yeah no twice is enough, but you still didn't have to go to the effort of making my favourite" She said making sure he knew that she was thankful. She was hoping that by appearing positive he would divulge the reason for his meal preparation sooner.

"Well I hope you like it, I figured Shay could try some too" He said motioning to the plastic spoon on the high chair tray. They had started letting Shay try some of their foods enjoying her reactions to new and interesting tastes and textures.

"I think she'll like it" Erin said taking the spoon and scooping up some of the rice before blowing on it gently. When she was certain it was cool enough she fed it to Shay, at first she screwed up her face but soon realised it didn't actually taste bad. Erin handed Shay the spoon, letting her play with and dribble on it for a little while.

"It's not as good as when you make it" He noted.

"That's because I add a secret ingredient" She smiled.

"How can I make your favourite meal the way you like if you won't tell me all the ingredients?" He asked, playfully frustrated.

"We don't currently own any of the secret ingredient so telling wouldn't make a difference" She defended.

"Well it's still alright" He sighed.

"It's great, I love it, and I love you" She assured reaching across the table to hold his hand. Now would be the perfect opportunity for him to bring up whatever he was going to bring up. Instead he turned his attention to his food leaving them to eat in silence. Erin started to think she had misread the situation, maybe he simply made dinner to be nice.

"You didn't tell me about your day" Kelly said when the Shay stopped babbling and the silence extended.

"It was good, we tracked down some stolen property which helped solve a murder" She said picking the most interesting part of a day spent mostly behind her desk doing paperwork.

"Look, I really don't want to be the one to bring it up but I really think we should start looking into daycare more seriously. Shay's getting bigger..." He said not sure where to stop.

"Yeah, I've been putting it off. I'll start looking properly" Erin admitted, she was fine with separation because she knew and trusted anyone she left Shay with. Leaving Shay with a stranger, no matter how qualified seemed almost irresponsible.

"We'll look together, we can make a short list and everything" He answered trying to be supportive, he wasn't exactly keen on the idea of trusting a stranger with the most valuable thing in his world.

"Assuming the good places have vacancies" She said.

"Oh, I didn't realise it worked like that" He replied after taking a moment to consider the potential of the good places being full.

"Yeah, we probably should have started looking a while back then we'd be on a waiting list" She explained.

"It'll turn out" He guaranteed trusting that things would again fall into place favourably.

"I'll clean up, you head up and give Shay her bath" Erin instructed stacking their bowls together. She moved to the kitchen and quickly tidied before heading up to find Shay throwing bubbles at Kelly. Taking her dripping wet baby in a towel Erin took Shay and got her ready for bed. Kelly joined her in the bedroom and together they read Shay a story and watched as she drifted off to sleep.

"I think you need a shower" Kelly whispered from behind as he followed Erin to their bedroom.

"Rude" She replied.

"I heard that sharing showers is good for the environment" He enthused using his hands on her waist to steer her towards the bathroom.

"Oh, well that's fine then" She nodded grabbing her towel on the way. "Wait, isn't showering together going to take longer?" She questioned.

"Since when have I cared about the environment? I just want you in the shower" He laughed shaking his head.

"Alright then" She laughed as he reached across and removed her shirt.

* * *

"So these four all have vacancies and are located fairly close to work?" Kelly asked looking over the list carefully.

"Yeah, so now I want to go look at them and see if they're as good as their websites and welcome packages suggest" Erin clarified having already picked her favourite.

"So we'll do it on the weekend, they're open Saturday's aren't they?" He questioned.

"Yeah, three are even 24/7. I was talking to a few of the mums at the district and they reckon that one is the best. They've all run background checks on the staff and the worst thing that turned up were traffic violations" She said pointing to the one second on the list.

"I'll keep that in mind when we drop by" He said watching as she smoothed Shay's soft wisps of hair.

"I'm going to be late if I don't go now. Have a great day and stay safe" She said planting a kiss on his cheek before turning and heading for the door.

"You too" He called after them. Erin made it up the stairs just as Voight emerged from his office to brief them on the day's case. He'd angled the white board carefully so that the photo's couldn't be seen from Erin's desk, shielding Shay from the gruesome murder scenes. Lindsay handed Shay to Halstead then proceeded to look at the images.

"I'll get onto the travel agency" She stated as she took Shay back and got settled behind her desk.

"Everyone else is working on witnesses" Voight instructed before grabbing his coat and leaving, Atwater following him obediently. Lindsay lost herself in the convoluted chain of call centers that eventually lead to the travel agency's head office and almost an hour listening to infuriatingly repetitive hold music. On the verge of a mental breakdown she passed the phone to Nadia and decided to walk to the corner store to buy lunch. The fresh air worked wonders and soon Lindsay was heading back into the district determined to get through to the travel agency even if it meant hours of hold music.

"Lindsay, I got something for you" Platt called as she reached the top of the stairs.

"Yeah?" She asked unsure what Platt wanted.

"I found, well, I made this for Shay" Platt said handing over a small but perfect uniform shirt, patches and all.

"Wow, you didn't have to do that, thanks" Lindsay said shocked by the normally gruff Desk Sergeant's attitude towards Shay.

"She's here every other day so she needs a uniform" Platt justified.

"We're looking at daycare centers" She admitted hesitantly.

"I'll miss seeing her around, but it'll be good to have you back properly" Platt said understandingly.

"Thanks though, Shay loves it" Lindsay said holding the shirt just out of Shay's reach.

"She'll make a good cop one day" Platt said reaching across to hold Shay's hand.

"I don't know about that" Lindsay answered not sure that she'd ever want her baby to face the sort of danger she did.

"Moo!" Shay said as Platt played with her fingers.

"We've been working on animal noises" Lindsay explained just as Antonio came down the stairs and requested her presence for an update on the case.

* * *

"So what would a typical day here look like?" Kelly asked feeling like a professional interviewer now that they had inspected two other prospective daycare centers. They'd quickly established that his role was to keep the staff busy while she talked with other parents, they were the most reliable source of inside information.

"We start the day with a some time playing on the floor, then morning tea and a sleep. After that they do an activity, sing a song, read a book or play a game. Then lunch, another sleep and more playtime, we don't have a structured curriculum until they're a little older" The woman answered condescendingly.

"What's the ratio of staff to babies?" He asked next.

"Five babies per staff member, they're all different ages so they require different levels of care" She informed.

"If Shay were to come here what ages would the other babies in her group be?" He questioned.

"She'd probably end up with Hannah, who has a few smaller babies at the moment. I think the oldest is four months" The woman said.

"Shay wouldn't be her top priority then" He stated.

"Our staff are trained to look after multiple babies, dividing their attention as equally as possible" She snapped.

"How are we going?" Erin asked as she finally joined Kelly, she had dug up plenty based on her conversations with other parents. There was no way that this would be the daycare center for them.

"I've run out of questions, but I have the booklet so we'll read over it and get back to you" Kelly said turning his attention from Erin back to the facilities administrator, his tour guide.

"Okay, we'd better get some lunch then. Thank you for your time" Erin said smiling at the woman before turning and leading the way back out of the maze like building. "Not that one" She announced as soon as they reached the car park.

"Good, that was terrible in comparison to the last one" He agreed sliding into the car. "Do we have to go to the next one, the second one is perfect and we're just wasting time"

"Nothing to do with the fact the game starts in twenty minutes?" Erin challenged knowing that he hadn't expected the process to take all day.

"Of course not, I just don't think a better place exists. I have never seen someone as good with kids as Nina at the last place, I'd trust her to look after Shay" He answered though it would be a blatant lie if he said the time wasn't a factor in his considerations.

"She was pretty great. The last place had a few really bad reviews so we can skip it and head home" She agreed.

"Only if you're certain about Nina" He said trying to keep his priorities in focus, Shay, then Erin and in last place the hockey game starting in seventeen minutes time.

"I'm certain, I trust her" Erin said sounding firmly convinced. Nina seemed particularly competent and had been more than willing to assure Erin that she wouldn't hesitate to call if anything happened with Shay. Erin didn't want her baby being handed off to some stranger but from the moment they met Nina hadn't felt like a stranger, just a long lost relative interested in Shay.

"We'll fill in the paperwork after the game" He agreed.

"I'll fill it in while you watch the game" She corrected before starting the car. They arrived home and Kelly headed straight for the couch while Erin thanked Gabby for watching Shay. Gabby was pleased to hear their search had been successful and was appropriately supportive when Erin confessed how terrifying the idea of relinquishing care of Shay was, even to someone as trustworthy as Nina.

"Shay will be fine and Nina sounds great. It's a big deal and just like any big change it'll take time to adjust" Gabby said wisely before rushing off to Molly's so she could help out with the game crowd. Erin pulled out the paperwork and filled it out thoroughly double checking her responses before setting the papers next to her keys. She headed upstairs to check on Shay and found her laying awake in her crib. They played quietly on the floor in the dim afternoon light, Erin enjoying every facial expression Shay came up with. Daycare three days a week could be a good thing if she approached it with a positive attitude, something she was more than willing to attempt.

**I'm not a parent, it's probably stupid to compare but I have a dog and leaving him at the kennels when I went away on holidays earlier in the year was heartbreaking. I just have to add that I have raised him since he was a tiny puppy, including four hourly bottle feeding for the first few weeks and therefore he's the closest thing I have to a child. I'm trying to channel that emotion into Erin... Anyway... Hope you liked the update :D**


	14. Chapter 14

Erin looked at the bag then selected another outfit and stuffed it in the front pocket. She had been sure to label everything carefully with Shay's initials. Four spare outfits was excessive but Erin had always preferred being over prepared. Shay had started to favour her stuffed lion, as soon as it had gotten to the point that Shay wouldn't sleep without it Erin had returned to the toy store and bought two more. One for at daycare and a spare just in case the others went missing. The bag was so stuffed with the clothes, lion toy and a box of Shay's favourite bread sticks, it barely zipped shut. Erin put the bag beside the front door, ready for the morning, then joined Kelly and Shay in the bathroom. Kelly hadn't noticed the lid on the soap bottle was unscrewed so when he upended it the bath had quickly become a bubble bath. Erin joined in the game of collecting and blowing bubbles across the room making Shay splash and giggle. Both adults knew they were making a job for themselves when it came to cleaning but loved the squeals and laughter too much to stop.

"Bubbles Shay, bubbles" Kelly said slowly in an attempt to teach her the word.

"Babababa" Shay chanted in response delighted by the way the foam squished between her fingers.

"Bubbles" Erin repeated.

"Bubbas" Shay responded grabbing at the bubbles Kelly held out for her. Erin piled bubbles on Shay's head then ran to get her phone for a photo, by the time she got back Kelly had a matching bubble hat.

"Very nice" Erin laughed snapping a few photos from different angles.

"I think you need one too" He insisted trapping her arms at her sides so she couldn't resist the attack. All three had bubbles piled on their heads and laughed every time they caught a glimpse of their reflections in the mirror. Slowly the bubbles started to pop and dissolve and the bathwater cooled to the point where Shay didn't like it anymore. Just as she started to get upset Erin lifted her out of the bath and into a warm fluffy towel. She dressed Shay in her while Kelly made the lion toy dance to distract her. The lion continued to dance around the room until Shay could barely keep her eyes open. "Sleep well" they whispered once she was tucked in holding the lion possessively to her chest. They left the room and closed the door before heading to their own bedroom for an early night. There was a brief argument over how much earlier they needed to set the alarm to get Shay to daycare and still make it to work on time but once that was settled they headed to sleep.

* * *

"I'll have my phone on me all day, you can call to check in at anytime" Nina said watching as Erin gave Shay yet another goodbye kiss.

"I'll see you tonight baby" Erin whispered before giving in and handing Shay to Nina, if she took any longer she would be late for work.

"Bye-bye mama" Nina said helping Shay wave her hand.

"Be good" Erin added as she turned away from the pair. She stopped and took a deep breath before continuing out of the daycare center and into the car park. They had already dropped Kelly off at the firehouse so now she just had to get to the district and get stuck into work. Voight could read Lindsay with ease and quickly sent her out to interview the staff at the nightclub their murder victim owned. Lindsay and Halstead were quick to eliminate most of the staff but one barman had been in conflict with the owner for months.

"Everyone knows you and Ian didn't get on, can you tell us what that was about?" Lindsay asked.

"He didn't like that I didn't force more drinks on people, only topped up when they asked. He just wanted the money but filling the place with drunks ruined the atmosphere and people stopped coming back" Dave the barman replied replacing bottle caps with pouring nozzles as he spoke. Ian's death didn't seem to have deterred his eagerness to work.

"That doesn't seem like the sort of thing two grown men would argue about for months"

"He wouldn't let me deviate from the menu either. I've been a barman for more than a decade, I know how it's done and I know what it takes to make a successful nightclub. Ian never liked to listen to me and I didn't listen to him. He threatened to stop paying me if I didn't listen but it was an empty threat, this place would sink without me. I didn't kill Ian but if I was you I'd look into the financial side of things, he's annoyed plenty of people with overdue loan payments" Dave informed, Lindsay knew he was telling the truth and thanked him for his time. They headed back to the district and started looking through the financial records Ruzek had acquired.

"He was terrible with money, the nightclub hasn't even covered the start up costs and it's been open for three years" Antonio announced slightly outraged to think someone could throw that much money away.

"So how was it still open?" Lindsay questioned.

"Ian never got money from banks, the nightclub doesn't even have the right licenses to be serving alcohol, he must have known someone, a lawyer or senior cop who's been protecting the club. Towards the end he was paying loans by loaning money from other people. That's not a great way to make friends" Olinsky weighed in.

"So we pay a visit to the people he was borrowing from" Halstead said standing up and grabbing his jacket.

"We've got an address for the guy who gave him the initial payment on the club, we'll start there and you can text us the information on the others when you find it" Lindsay instructed before following Halstead out to the car park. While the people Ian had loaned money from all had a shared hatred for the charming and charismatic nightclub runner they all also had alibis for the time of the murder. Having exhausted that idea they moved on to working out who benefited most from Ian's death. With him dead the loan money could never be recovered and his beneficiaries wouldn't receive a cent. His ex-girlfriend would get her car back but that was hardly motive for murder. Lunch came and went as they struggled on slowly but surely running out of leads. "It wasn't murder, it was an accident, someone went to get the money he owed them. Someone who wasn't experienced with guns and they accidentally shot him" Lindsay put forward knowing it was a weak explanation but better than anything they had.

"Accidentally shot him in the head? Twice?" Antonio countered.

"Someone really inexperienced could do it by accident, once they realise they've fired the first time the could panic and squeeze the trigger again?" She defended.

"Okay, so who's alibi was a lie?" Atwater asked.

"That Russian chick, I'd bet on it" Halstead announced.

"She was Ukrainian but I think you're right, we'll talk to the friend she was supposedly with at the time" Lindsay agreed stopping to fill in Voight before driving to the friends workplace. Seeing a mother and baby in the clothes store momentarily put Lindsay off but Halstead was quick to step up and take the lead in questioning the friend.

"Alina wasn't at your house on Saturday night was she?" Halstead demanded wondering how they had even met.

"She was, we watched the celebrity dancing show" Alina's friend answered folding and neatening a pile of shirts.

"That's on at six thirty" Lindsay stated, at first Halstead was put off but then realised where she was going.

"What time did Alina leave?" Halstead asked.

"I don't know exactly" She answered as she continued to move around the shop straightening the displays.

"Well then approximately?" He pressed.

"It was before eight" She answered.

"Thank you" Halstead announced before leaving the store.

"So she lied, do we really think she would get a gun and threaten Ian?" Lindsay asked getting in the car. Halstead was about to answer when his phone rang, he chatted briefly then hung up.

"They got onto Alina's husband, now ex-husband, since the divorce she hasn't had much money. He thinks she would have been pretty desperate to get the loan money back" Halstead explained

"Alright, lets bring her it" Lindsay answered merging neatly so she could take the next right. Moments later they were leading Alina to their car before driving her to the district. Voight asked Lindsay to take the lead in the interrogation and it didn't take long for Alina to confess. As soon as she had Lindsay rushed through the paperwork and was off to get Shay from daycare. The traffic was ridiculously dense and Erin would probably have been better off spending the time fixing her report. Her fingers tapped away on the steering wheel and eventually she made it through the lights. The car park was busy as well so she parked on the street and walked.

"We thought you'd be here soon" Nina said handing Shay over immediately.

"Traffic was slow or I'd have been here half an hour ago" Erin answered after kissing Shay on the head.

"She's only just woken up so your timing is perfect. She was really great, a little quiet but I'm sure that's just because it's an unfamiliar environment" Nina said as she unhooked Shay's bag and handed it over.

"Okay, thank you, we'll see you on Wednesday" Erin replied eager to get home.

"Have a nice night" Nina replied as Erin and Shay left.

"Did you have a nice day?" Erin asked Shay as they walked to the car. Shay babbled in response and Erin took it as a yes. While Erin wanted a quiet night at home with Shay she decided to drop by the firehouse on the way home.

"How'd it go?" Kelly asked.

"My day was good, Nina says Shay had a good day too. We just wanted to stop by and see how your day was" Erin answered handing Shay over.

"It's been good so far, quiet is always good" He replied. "You should stay for dinner, Brett and Mills are cooking" He added. Erin stopped to think for a moment, she had planned to reheat leftover risotto then lay in bed with Shay and read. Mills and Brett were both great cooks though and she was excited to see what they came up with.

"Yeah alright" She agreed.

"Should I be hurt that you're staying for the food?" He questioned feigning hurt feelings.

"No, I love you and I love spending time with you, the food is an added bonus" She replied giving him a quick kiss before following the amazing scent trail to the kitchen.

"Hmph" He sighed knowing her actions made his point. "Shay, you won't leave me for food will you?" He questioned.

"Mama" Shay replied with a cheeky smile, Kelly tried to ignore her response but couldn't stop himself smiling. Once he'd put away the tools he'd been working with he joined Erin and almost everyone else in the kitchen. Their patience was rewarded and soon dinner was on the table. After one mouthful Erin was certain she'd made the right decision, Shay chewed on a piece of carrot while observing everyone else eating. Erin had never been in the firehouse when it was so quiet before, she was just about to comment on how good the food was when the alarm sounded.

"See you in the morning" Kelly said before stuffing as much food in his mouth and running off to get ready. Erin sat stunned for a moment, she pondered for a moment about whether she had enough self control to turn away from food the way everyone else is. Of course she wouldn't hesitate if lives were at stake. At the same time she was very pleased she didn't have to and instead finished eating and cleaned up as much as she could before making the journey home. Taking her time she read to Shay then put her to bed before snuggling up in bed to read her own book. She'd just opened to the last page she'd read when her phone vibrated. Instead of reading she exchanged text messages with Kelly until she could barely keep her eyes open.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello, this chapter is a bit longer than usual so it took me more time to write. I hope you like it :D**

"Erin, I'm sick" Kelly grumbled as he rolled over to face her. She sat up moving away from him at a rapid pace, the looked dreadful, pale and sweaty with puffy eyes and the beginning of a red nose.

"What happened?" She asked getting out of the bed and moving further away from him.

"Newhouse's kid got sick, then he did and I must have caught it" He groaned.

"I'll get you some ibuprofen, stay there" She ordered backing out of the bedroom. Normally she would have at least made an attempt to be there for him, work was so busy and with Shay to look after as well she couldn't afford to get sick. Isolation was their best bet. Erin handed him the tablets and a glass of water then placed the cup of tea on the bedside table and left. She returned with a box of tissues a few minutes later and informed him Shay would be going to daycare, all he needed to do was stay home and get better. After a quick shower she roused Shay and got her ready for the day. While Shay had only been attending daycare for two weeks she noticed the change in routine and decided to be grumpy.

"Mama" Shay complained as she was strapped into her car seat.

"I'm sorry baby, daddy's sick so Nina's going to look after you" Erin explained wondering just how much Shay understood, she certainly seemed soothed by her mothers voice if nothing else. Despite Erin's best efforts to make up for lost time she was still late to arrive at work. Even with a case to work on she still took time to text Kelly regularly and let him know that even if she wasn't there to look after him she was thinking of him. At lunchtime she found a place that delivered soup and organised some chicken soup for Kelly. Thankfully with her mind drifting between work and home the rest of the team reverted to their previous dynamic and got the case solved more or less without her help. After shift she took the time to explain to Voight the reason she had been so distracted.

"You have sick days, you could have used one to take care of him" Voight replied.

"He's not that sick, and I don't want to catch it" She admitted, he shrugged.

"I need your head here when you work, if he's going to distract you you'd be better off staying home" Voight reminded before turning his attention back to his computer, essentially dismissing her.

"Night" She called over her shoulder. Grabbing her jacket on the way past she said goodbye to those who had stayed behind to finish paperwork and made her way out to the car. At the daycare center Nina commented on Shay's persistent bad mood and suggested Erin keep a close eye on her for a temperature, she might have already been exposed Kelly's illness. Erin remembered to stop by a pharmacy on the way home and stocked up on painkillers, tissues and hand sanitizer. Once home she made Kelly dinner and gave him more medication before eating her own dinner. She checked to find him asleep then got on with getting Shay to bed. The house was strangely quiet considering how early it was and she didn't want to disturb his sleep so she headed downstairs to see if there was anything worth watching. Feeling conflicted she decided to sleep on the couch, she reasoned that Kelly would never know and she couldn't risk getting sick. She'd already have to work twice as hard to make it up to Voight the next day. It wasn't the best night's sleep she'd had but it was better than sleeping next to Kelly as he alternated between snoring and wheezing.

* * *

It took three days for Kelly to get well during which Erin only stepped foot in their bedroom to deliver food and medication or for clean clothes. He didn't see Shay the whole time, Erin didn't want to risk her health. Work was hectic with a new gang trying to establish itself right where three other gangs were already in conflict. Unfortunately the new gang had a 'by any means' mentality which had already claimed the lives of two innocent bystanders. If Shay got sick Erin would have to take time off essentially letting the rest of the intelligence unit down.

"Erin please, I'm better I promise, sit with me" Kelly said when he noticed that even after he'd done a shift back at work she was still avoiding him.

"I have stuff to do, maybe later" She replied.

"Stuff can wait" He answered.

"No it can't. You won't have any clean socks tomorrow unless I do some washing" She reasoned.

"Please, we haven't spent any time together all week" He complained in response.

"We'll do something on Saturday" She answered before leaving the room to get on with the washing. He wasn't sure how to tell her that he'd already agreed to go to a hockey game with Clarke and a few of the squad guys on Saturday, he had a feeling that now wasn't the right time to bring it up. Erin put the washing on, folded and put away the rest, it had given her time to realise Kelly was right. It couldn't hurt to snuggle on the couch with him for a few minutes. Just as she started making her way to the lounge Shay started crying. Taking it as a sign that she wasn't meant to spend time with Kelly she made her way into Shay's room and tried to see what was wrong. Shay usually slept soundly so Erin was concerned this could be the first symptom. It turned out that Shay had simply thrown her lion toy out of the crib and wanted it back, as soon as it was in her hand again she settled back to sleep. Erin realised she was being ridiculously paranoid and headed down to snuggle with Kelly on the couch. She had missed the way his chest made the perfect pillow, how his arms reached all the way around keeping her close. The television program was a ridiculous and after two advert breaks Erin wrestled the remote from Kelly's hand and turned it off. Now the steady thudding of his heart was the only sound she could hear. "I'm really sorry" She whispered feeling as if speaking would ruin the moment. He didn't bother to respond at first content with just placing a kiss on her head.

"I'm sorry for getting sick and making so much more work for you" Kelly said eventually.

"Don't be silly" She replied with a shrug.

"I'm serious, you looked after me really well. I had lunch, medicine and tissues delivered everyday" He said.

"But I didn't stay with you and keep you company. I wouldn't even let you see Shay until you stopped sneezing, she missed you" Erin responded.

"You did the right thing" He assured.

"Thank you" She sighed before pressing her lips to his softly. He kissed her back pulling her onto his lap.

"I missed this" He said with a grin pulling the hair tie from her hair so that he could run his fingers through the silky locks. The hand on the back of her head made it easy for him to take charge of the kissing.

"What are we doing Saturday?" She asked when they finally took a moment to catch their breath.

"What do you mean?" He queried more focused on trailing kisses down her neck.

"You and me this Saturday, to make up for the lack of date night. I'm just wondering if I need to organise a babysitter for Shay or if we're going to make the most of her afternoon nap" Erin explained using her hands on his shoulders to push him back momentarily. She sensed the hesitation and his eyes refused to make contact with hers. "What?" She demanded. He replied with a groan knowing that he couldn't lie about his plans to attend the hockey game, he feared her reaction.

"Clarke got some tickets to the Blackhawks game, I agreed to go. I didn't know you'd want to do something on Saturday" He explained cringing as her forehead creased in a frown.

"We'll figure out some other time then" She said trying to sound as if it didn't bother her, he could tell that it did and it made him feel awful.

"Why don't you come to the game as well, Shay's big enough for her first hockey game and the guys won't mind you coming" He proposed suddenly keen on taking his lovely ladies to the hockey.

"I don't want to mess up time with your friends" She answered, while time together was important she also knew it wouldn't be half as good if they didn't have time apart as well.

"They see you as one of the guys anyway" He said trying to persuade her.

"I don't know if I should be offended by that..." Erin laughed.

"They love you, I love you and Shay and hockey. It'll be fun to do something different, Shay can wear her tiny jersey. It'll be perfect, please?" Kelly asked hopeful she wouldn't be able to resist.

"Alright then" She agreed shaking her head, it wasn't at all what she had planned for Saturday but at the same time it did have the potential to be fun. Erin had attended her fair share of live sporting matches and had learned early on that the quality of the company was the most important factor, Clarke and Kelly's squad team were family so a laugh was guaranteed.

"Happy?" He questioned.

"Very" She replied giving him a quick kiss before getting up. "We've both got work in the morning" She explained as he gave her a sideways glance.

"Okay, but at least come to bed with me" He said pushing himself up from the couch as well.

"Only if you don't snore" She teased though she had no intentions of sleeping on the couch ever again.

"I'll do my best" He replied following her up the stairs, they checked on Shay then headed to sleep.

* * *

"Okay, you guys ready yet?" Erin called wondering what was taking Kelly so long. She entered Shay's bedroom to find Kelly struggling to get the headband to sit straight on her head.

"Almost" He replied poking out his tongue in concentration. Once he was satisfied the headband was on properly he held up Shay to show Erin his efforts. Shay wore red, black and white stretchy pants with her red Blackhawks jersey and a matching headband.

"Very nice" She commented wondering when he had purchased the pants.

"We need a photo" He said handing Erin his phone, she took the picture and handed it back.

"We're going to be late" She said, it had been a long time since she had seen him move so quickly. He packed Shay's bag then made his way to the car leaving Erin to turn off the lights and lock the door.

"You driving?" He asked strapping Shay into her car seat and taking the headband from her, he would put it back on when they arrived.

"I always drive" She answered as he slid into the passenger seat. They found a car space with relative ease and set about finding the rest of their group. One phone call and several text messages later the group was finally together and made their way to their seats. Erin sat on the end with Shay on her lap just in case she needed to make a quick exit. Everyone was surprised by how transfixed Shay was on the game, she watched the puck fly across the ice with a concentrated frown. She clapped her hands and babbled along with the crowd when a goal was scored, by either team. Erin enjoyed every moment of the game, though she spent more time watching Shay than the ice.

"Is this her first game? She's beautiful" A stranger commented looking at Shay who was clapping her chubby hands together.

"Thanks, it is. I had no idea she'd like it so much" Erin replied as the older woman moved back into her seat across the aisle.

"I started bringing my boys to games when they were that small" The woman added before gesturing to the two burly men who sat beside her, her sons had definitely grown. The women continued to chat through the intermission then turned their attention back to the game. By the time the game ended and celebrations died down Shay was sleeping with her head on Kelly's shoulder. They stayed around to discuss the game for a while then used putting Shay to bed as an excuse to skip out on drinks at Molly's. Shay was so exhausted she slept through her usual bedtime feed. Erin and Kelly didn't mind, they were more than happy to have some alone time.

* * *

"Kelly, I didn't know if I should call you. It's Nina, Shay's sick" Nina explained as soon as he answered the phone.

"What sort of sick?" He questioned as his heart started to race.

"She's got a temperature, and she's coughing too" Nina replied. "I didn't want Erin to freak out, I know she's busy today."

"That's fine, I can come get her. I'll be there in twenty minutes" He said already making his way to his locker for his keys. He knew his first response should be to call Erin, to let her know what was going on, but at the same time he didn't want to distract her in the middle of the biggest bust the intelligence unit had planned in years. They were hoping to settle the gang drama once and for all by cutting their supply of drugs, weapons and underage girls. It was a massive operation with two dozen uniforms called in to assist, it was also going to be dangerous. He couldn't bear the thought of putting her off, thinking of the possible consequences convinced him that figuring out things with Shay himself was the best course of action. Kelly told Matt where he was going then headed for his car.

"I'm not allowed to give her children's paracetamol without your permission" Nina explained as Kelly entered the room and lay eyes on his clearly unwell daughter.

"That's fine, I'll figure it out" Kelly said scooping her up, shocked by how hot she was he instantly peeled off her pants leaving her in her diaper and shirt. "Can you hand me her bag?" He asked already struggling to juggle the removed clothes and squirming baby.

"Of course, are you sure you don't want me to call Erin?" Nina asked unsure that calling Kelly first had been a good idea.

"I'll call her when we get home" He lied taking the bag and adding a rough signature to the early departure log.

"Okay, I hope she gets better soon" Nina said as the pair walked out the door. Kelly was waiting at the exit of the daycare center car park when he realised he could take Shay via the firehouse and get Brett, Mills or Dawson to look at her. He had a feeling Shay's illness was more than just a cold, her temperature was high and she was coughing terribly, the sudden onset had him worried as well. The sooner a paramedic was able to reassure him the better.

"Sorry" Kelly apologised to Matt as he walked back in, Shay screaming in his arms.

"Is she okay?" Matt questioned not having known Shay to be capable of such awful noises.

"She's sick, where are Brett and Mills?" He questioned looking around to see Ambulance 61 missing.

"Out on a call, I'll get Gabby" Matt answered before rushing off. Kelly took Shay through to the kitchen and placed her stuff on the table. He felt stupid for not stopping at a pharmacy, the firehouse didn't have any children's paracetamol and from the sounds Shay was making she was clearly in pain. Feeling more than useless he tried to soothe her, all while wondering what was taking Matt and Gabby so long.

"That does not sound good" Herrmann said walking over and placing a hand on Shay's forehead.

"I don't know what to do" Kelly responded, the fear evident in his tone and eyes.

"I'll get a cool cloth" Herrmann answered. He returned less than a minute later and placed the cloth on her head, it looked stupid but the lack of screaming indicated it was working.

"What's up?" Gabby asked rushing into the room.

"She's sick" Kelly said, rocking Shay gently. The movement was calming for both father and daughter.

"Yeah, Matt go buy some children's paracetamol, the orange box for four months to one year" Gabby instructed, it wasn't much to go on but it was all she could remember of the packaging.

"Got it" Matt said moving at top speed out of the room.

"Take this off" Gabby said pulling the shirt up and over Shay's head. There wasn't much they could do until Matt returned so they simply kept a close eye on her. Every now and then they would wet the cloth and move it, from her head to her back or belly. Once Mills and Brett returned Gabby was able to use their thermometer to keep track of her temperature.

"Here you go" Matt announced handing the box to Gabby, she read the instructions then measured out the correct dosage. Shay didn't appreciate having the medicine squirted into her mouth but swallowed it anyway. Within minutes of the medicine being administered she was fast asleep. With a massive sigh of relief Kelly settled on the couch with Shay sleeping in his arms.

"Thanks guys" He said after a few moments watching Shay sleep. It took a while but eventually everyone returned to what they had been doing before the crisis. Kelly had started to drift to sleep himself, the adrenaline surge wearing off, when Shay started coughing. At first it was a small cough here or there but it soon woke her and quickly got to the point that he feared she couldn't breathe. He called for Gabby and she was there in an instant sitting Shay up and listening to her chest. The both noticed the blood in her dribble at the same time, a quick look at each other confirmed that something was definitely not right.

"We need to get her to the hospital" Gabby said taking Shay from Kelly and moving swiftly to the ambulance, Mills and Brett were in the back restocking and snapped into action immediately. Kelly trailed behind wondering what on earth he could do to help. Brett and Dawson attached the heart rate monitor, not that it gave them much useful information. With lights and sirens on the ambulance pulled out of the firehouse quickly reaching top speed, the journey to the hospital more crucial than any Kelly had made before.

**To Be Continued...**

**I love throwing in a good cliffhanger here and there...please forgive me :D **

** sandygirl - I tried to get some Erin/Kelly alone time in there the way you asked. I really struggle to write that sort of thing... I do however have big plans for future chapters, you'll just have to be patient with me! Also thank you so much for your continued support. **


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello, didn't want to make you wait forever for the next installment. Just a reminder that I'm not a doctor and any medical stuff is completely made up (though I try to keep it realistic). Enjoy :D**

They arrived at the hospital and were immediately seen by a doctor. With a single injection the doctor was able to stop Shay's coughing, allowing her to breathe properly while giving him enough time to conduct a proper assessment. Rather than coming to a conclusion he ordered a series of tests then left them with a nurse. Kelly held Shay and relayed information to Gabby who was attempting to fill in the paperwork the nurse had delivered. It wasn't until the first lot of blood samples had been taken and they were moved to a room that Kelly thought to contact Erin. She didn't answer her phone so he left a message then tried Halstead and Voight. Voight answered on what Kelly was certain was the final ring, it was a tense conversation but Voight assured Kelly that Erin would be there soon. Mills and Brett had to get back to work but Gabby decided to stay until Erin arrived. They took turns holding Shay, rocking her at just the right speed and whispering to her reassuringly. Gabby volunteered to wait for Erin in the room while Kelly and Shay were escorted to the radiology department for x-rays.

"We're just going to need her to lay still for a few seconds" The radiologist explained gently, she was clearly experienced with frazzled parents.

"Just here?" Kelly asked placing Shay on the bench.

"Yep, if you can just hold her still" She instructed before securing Shay to the surface of the bench with Velcro. "Now we have to go wait in there, she'll be fine" the radiologist assured patting Kelly gently on the arm. He bent and kissed Shay's head before moving out of the room. It didn't take Shay long to realised she was alone and start screaming again. All Kelly was able to do was to talk to her soothingly over the intercom, it didn't achieve much but the radiologist seemed satisfied she had enough to go on.

"I'm sorry baby" Kelly apologised picking Shay up and cuddling her to his chest.

"I hope everything turns out alright" The radiologist said kindly before ushering over the nurse to take them back to the room.

* * *

Meanwhile on the other side of the city Lindsay, Halstead and two uniforms were about to breach the main living area of a gang hideout."What?" Erin demanded when Voight ordered her retreat.

"Erin, get out of there now" He repeated, this time using her first name. She felt like arguing the point then realised how dangerously serious he sounded. Tapping Halstead on the shoulder they made their way back out of the house and headed straight for the mobile command center where Voight was waiting.

"What's going on?" She asked, slightly more subdued now she'd had time to consider the possibilities, Voight wouldn't have said anything if it wasn't important.

"Kelly just called. Shay's in hospital. Halstead is going to drive you" Voight said slowly and calmly, at least he hoped it came across as calm, he couldn't help but worry for his granddaughter.

"Okay" Erin managed weakly before turning and marching to the car. Halstead didn't have a chance to relish in the fact that he was allowed to drive, instead he was trying to maintain composure. The effect Voight's statement had had on his partner was quite shocking, he's never seen Erin loose colour faster. Even when Kelly had been hurt she hadn't been so panicked. When stopped at a red light he looked over and noticed that her hands were shaking, he reached across and squeezed her hand comfortingly.

"She'll be alright" Halstead assured hoping he was right.

"Just get me to the hospital" She replied trying not to get angry with him, he was doing everything he could to get them there as quickly as possible. The journey across the city took half the time it usually would have but it still wasn't fast enough for Erin.

"Go" Halstead instructed pulling up near the main entrance, she had started moving before he had even spoken. It took her a few minutes and all the patience she could muster to ascertain the general direction to Shay's room. The nurses were more than useless and in the end she found her own way. Erin would never be able to explain just how she had located the room in the maze-like hospital. At first she supposed it was something about being able to distinguish Shay's cry but that didn't make sense seeing as Shay was off having x-rays when she arrived.

"Erin" Gabby said as soon as the detective rounded the corner.

"Where is she?" Erin asked looking from the empty bed to Gabby with fear in her eyes.

"Having chest x-rays, she just has a temperature and a cough" Gabby explained quickly.

"Why is she in hospital then?" Erin questioned knowing Kelly wasn't the type to overreact and go to hospital for anything less then an emergency.

"She started coughing up blood, I know it sounds bad. Don't worry the doctors are running lots of tests" Gabby said trying to be supportive, Erin looked like she was either going to cry or punch something.

"How long until they'll be back" Erin asked, she knew Gabby had no way of knowing and dismissed the answer before it even came. She took to pacing to the door and back. Eventually Kelly and Shay returned, Erin had Shay in her arms before Kelly had even registered her presence. He gave her a moment to see for herself that Shay was alright before speaking.

"I'm sorry" He said simply. Erin completely ignored him focusing all her attention on Shay. Gabby decided it was time to leave though she requested Kelly keep her up to date on any new information. The last thing she wanted was to become the negotiator in the imminent conflict.

"Are you her mum?" The doctor asked looking straight to Erin as he walked in.

"Yes" Erin confirmed.

"We've been running some tests to rule out pneumonia and whooping cough, Shay doesn't have either. I'd like to run another lot of blood tests and get some IV fluids into her just to be safe" He explained.

"More blood tests?" She asked not wanting Shay to experience any unnecessary pain.

"Yes, I'd like to narrow down the possibilities even further. It'll give us a better chance of treating what ever this is properly" He reassured.

"Alright" She agreed feeling as if denying the tests would be more harmful to Shay than another needle.

"The nurse will come be in to do that in a minute" The doctor confirmed before leaving them for his next patient.

"The nurse was really good last time, calm and gentle" Kelly said watching from a distance as Erin fussed over Shay.

"Okay" Erin acknowledged though she didn't bother to look up.

"Hello, is this your wife?" The nurse enquired looking from Erin to Kelly when she entered the room a few minutes later.

"No" Erin replied matter-of-factly.

"Oh, sorry" The nurse said quickly before checking Shay's chart. "Can you hold her again?"

"Sure" Kelly replied brushing past Erin as he moved to hold Shay the way he had been shown before the last blood test. Erin watched Kelly closely sensing her response to the nurses question had hurt him in some way. It was the truth though, they weren't married, she didn't feel their relationship needed a title but she had never really considered his opinion on the topic. Now was not the time to worry about it.

"All done" The nurse said as she left them alone again. Kelly held Shay as she fell asleep while Erin pulled out her phone and sent a quick message to Voight.

"I'm sorry" Erin said when she looked up to find Kelly staring at her.

"What for?" He asked.

"Everything" She sighed getting up and closing the distance between them, she smoothed Shay's hair and kissed her forehead before looking up into his eyes.

"This is all my fault, I probably gave her what I had" He replied.

"It's my fault too, if I wasn't so busy thinking about work I would have noticed something was wrong this morning" Erin countered.

"I should have taken her straight to the doctor instead of to the firehouse" He argued, struggling to keep his voice down.

"And you should have called me the minute you found out she was sick" She added. "If you want to take responsibility for this I'm not going to stop you!"

"Erin, that's not what I meant" He said.

"No, it's all your fault. Happy? Because nothing you say or do is going to make Shay better" Erin finished. She wanted nothing more than to storm out of the room in frustration but she couldn't bear to leave Shay. The feeling of uselessness she was experiencing was unfamiliar, she was too preoccupied worrying about Shay to consider that Kelly would be feeling the same way. Shay was her priority, once they knew she would be alright they could figure out everything else. Kelly didn't bother responding and the room returned to silence. They moved about uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact at all costs. After what felt like years of waiting the doctor returned.

"We've got all the results back, Shay has a chest infection. It's easily treated with antibiotics which we'll start right away. I'd still like to keep her in overnight, just to be safe" The doctor explained, both Erin and Kelly felt relief wash over them. Shay was still quite ill but now at least they knew she would get better.

"Thank you" Kelly said placing Shay on the bed so that the nurse could give her the antibiotics easily.

"I'll go home and get some clothes for her, is there anything you want?" Erin asked, now that she knew Shay would be alright she desperately needed fresh air. The trip home would give her time to process the days events and calm herself. She didn't even want to think about the conflict with Kelly, she just wanted to get out of the hospital.

"I don't think so" He replied looking shocked when Erin left without so much as a goodbye to Shay. Of course now that it wasn't urgent Erin got completely lost trying to find her way out. Getting more and more agitated each time she turned down a corridor that didn't end in an exit she found herself jogging from hall to hall.

"Erin?" Dr Willhite asked confused to see the detective in the renal ward.

"I don't know how to get out" She said as tears started streaming down her face. Erin hadn't felt so out of control in years, she felt stupid for crying but couldn't make herself stop.

"I'll take you, what's going on?" He asked placing his clipboard on a desk before putting an arm around her shoulders and leading her back the way she had come.

"Shay's sick" Erin said, they hadn't seen much of each other recently but Erin had been a regular babysitter in the first few months after his wife's death. At times when Erin felt like being a mother and a detective was impossible she thought back to how well Jules had managed it, proving it was possible.

"Okay" He nodded as they made their way through the glass doors and out into the open.

"I'm being stupid, I don't even know why I'm crying" Erin said weakly reaching up to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"You aren't being stupid, you're being a good mum. What's wrong with Shay?" Dr Willhite asked finally releasing her.

"She has a chest infection" She answered, saying it out loud made it real but also helped her realise that it wasn't anywhere near a worst case scenario.

"She's in the right place then. Where are you going?" He questioned.

"I need to go home and get her some clothes" Erin said already starting to feel more in control.

"Alright, take a deep breath" He instructed, she obeyed. "Now, go home get the clothes and come back. Shay will be alright, I'll head up and talk to her doctor. I'll keep an eye on her until you get back."

"Thank you" Erin said with a nod. They stood together for another moment then headed their separate ways. Erin felt strangely calm as she drove home, parked then went inside to pack a bag for Shay. She changed out of her work clothes, leaving her side arm and badge in the bedroom. In the kitchen she shoved some snacks into the bag then paused to think of anything else they might need. Convinced she had everything they could want she made her way back to the hospital. Kelly and Dr Willhite were talking quietly when she entered the room, Shay was still sleeping on the bed.

"How'd you go?" Dr Willhite asked stepping aside so she could put the bag on the table.

"Got everything" She answered moving to the bed to check on Shay.

"Her doctor thinks she'll sleep through, he wants to know if she wakes up and eats" He added.

"Thanks" Erin said taking a moment to ensure he knew that she was grateful for his help.

"I have to get back to work, you know how to find me if you need anything" Dr Willhite said before leaving them alone. Erin couldn't help but wonder what he had meant, she had no idea how to find him and rushing around the hospital in a panic didn't seem like it would work a second time.

"There's some food in there" Erin said pointing to the bag next to Kelly.

"Okay" He replied.

"Look, I'm really sorry" She whispered. Moving from the bedside she took a seat next to him then lent over and hugged him, as best she could with them both sitting. At first he resisted the hug but when he realised she was going to persist until he gave in he knew he was delaying the inevitable. He sighed and hugged her back feeling instantly better. They stayed in each others arms until Voight stomped into the room, waking Shay. Kelly took care of Shay while Erin filled Hank in on all the details. After a quick hug with his granddaughter he left, reassured he could go home and sleep soundly. Any remaining doubt left Erin's mind when Shay decided she was hungry and settled in Erin's arms feeding contentedly. Kelly couldn't help but smile as Shay dribbled milk everywhere in her urgency.

"Great" The doctor announced when he stopped in to see Shay feeding.

"So she'll be alright now?" Kelly asked.

"I'd say so. She'll be on antibiotics for a while but she'll make a full recovery" The doctor answered, noting something on the chart while he spoke.

"I never want to see her like that again" Kelly said softly, unable to stop the image of his tiny baby fighting to breathe from resurfacing in his mind. Shortly after the doctor left Shay fell asleep. Erin didn't want to let go of her so together they sat on Kelly's lap. He held them securely in his arms and allowed himself to doze with them. It was a long and uncomfortable night but they didn't even consider the possibility of going home to sleep. They were thankful that they didn't have to call their workplaces, everyone knew they would be taking the day off. Shay was discharged at ten and they made their way home via a pharmacy and a fast food restaurant. Having just missed the breakfast menu they ended up with burgers and chips, neither complained. At home they curled up on the couch with Shay between them and fell asleep. Erin had set an alarm on her phone so she couldn't possibly forget to give Shay her medicine. A steady stream of visitors in the late afternoon kept them occupied, Gabby and Matt followed by Cindy, then Hank and lastly Jay. Cindy brought dinner which they were particularly grateful for, their fast food breakfast and non-existent lunch left them hungry for real food. Erin couldn't have cared less about the articles she had read on the dangers of co-sleeping, there was no way she was letting Shay go. Shay coughed and wriggled a little in the night but otherwise they all slept peacefully, comforted by each others presence.

**I know this chapter is kind of all over the place but I actually really love it, I think because that's what it's like in real life. I probably won't get much of a chance to write between now and tomorrow night, so tomorrows update won't be as long, just a warning because I like to keep you well informed. Thanks for taking the time to read, love you all :D **


	17. Chapter 17

**Told you I wouldn't have a chance to write! I hope everyone is looking forward to an even better year in 2015! I watched the promo for next weeks episode of Chicago Fire today and I am very eager to see how things go! I really don't want Erin leaving though so it's a double edged sword... Anyway Happy New Year and enjoy :D**

With Kelly having taken most of the previous week off sick Erin decided the right thing to do was to stay home with Shay herself. The intelligence unit had pulled off all of their raids without Erin's help. At first she was disappointed to have missed out on such a massive operation then, after a conversation with Voight, realised the rest of the unit would be spending the next week doing paperwork. Life at home with Shay wasn't easy but she certainly didn't envy the endless reports they would be writing. Kelly felt like he was shirking his fatherly duties by going to work so to make up for it he was constantly dropping by.

"How it going?" He asked popping his head around the living room door to see Erin looking particularly miserable.

"She won't sleep unless I'm holding her" Erin replied looking down at Shay, sleeping like a starfish across her chest.

"Do you want me to hand you the remote?" He questioned trying to lighten the mood.

"That would be great, if I move she cries, if I talk she cries, if I think loudly she cries, basically I'm being a mattress" She answered trying to see the lighter side to her situation, it would have been much funnier if she hadn't been trapped in the same position for the last hour and a half, with an itch foot.

"Here" He said placing the remote in her hand. He watched on like a spectator in the final minutes of a close game as she raised the remote and pressed the on button. Her reaction time was perfect hitting the mute button immediately then turning down the volume to the lowest level and unmuting. Shay stirred slightly but didn't wake. Erin and Kelly made eye contact then sighed. She turned her attention back to the television, searching for a bearable daytime television program. Meanwhile Kelly had a brilliant idea and raced to the kitchen, Erin wondered what he was doing, she could hear the fridge opening and closing followed by cupboards and draws. All was revealed when he returned a few minutes later with a plate of her favourite snacks, he'd even gone to the effort of applying smooth peanut butter to half of the celery sticks and crunchy to the others. He placed the plate on the armrest of the chair and gave her a quick kiss on the head. "I really have to go now, is there anything else you need?" He said knowing that the longer he left the squad guys in the truck the more havoc they could wreak.

"Alright, have a nice afternoon, we'll be fine" Erin assured with a massive smile. Knowing that he was thinking of her made the job of keeping still for Shay so much easier.

"Okay, call me if you need anything" Kelly added.

"I will, stay safe" She answered as he turned to leave, looking over his shoulder one last time before rounding the door and disappearing out of sight. His squad were so relieved to have him back in the truck, apparently he's surpassed his previous personal best for a side stop on the way back from a call. One he untangled his seat belt, they'd had to do something to overcome the boredom, they made their way back to the firehouse. While they teased him mercilessly none of them had any concerns about dropping in to check on family, they had their own families and could easily relate. Each of them knew that in a crisis Kelly would be there for them, this was their way of being there for him. Word of Shay's ill health, with exaggerated accounts of her coughing fit and subsequent struggle to breathe, had spread around the firehouse and as a result everyone was being especially kind to Kelly. He appreciated their concern, they were his family just as much as Erin and Shay. Kelly set about putting on a new saw blade while the rest of the squad got stuck in making sure they were ready for the next call. Once everything was restocked and organised properly they headed to the squad table for a hand of cards. No sooner than the cards hit the table the alarm sounded and they were called to what sounded to be a tricky extrication. All the information they had was: 'MVA, two people trapped, car vs. tree'. As always they were ready for anything. Arriving on the scene Kelly took a moment to assess things before stepping into action.

"Newhouse with me, everyone else get the passenger" He ordered watching his team procure the tools they would need to get the teen out of the passenger side of the vehicle. Usually when a car hits a tree one side is severely damaged while the other is relatively untouched. In this case the tree had been hit straight on at such a velocity that the front half of the car had been torn in two. Kelly hadn't seen such a thing in all his career. "Hey there, we're going to get you out" He assured the driver when he was close enough to get a better look at the situation.

"Don't worry about me, get Polly out" The older driver instructed trying to look across to his passenger despite the hard collar the paramedics had put on him.

"The rest of my team are working on her, don't worry" Kelly answered. They got to work and sure enough a few minutes later the driver was free, rushed onto a spinal board and into the back of the ambulance. Only then did Kelly bother to walk around the car and assess the passenger. As he did so he saw his team step back, ceasing work to let the paramedics apply defibrillator pads to Polly's chest. The entire squad crew watched on in horror, silently hoping and praying that the paramedics would get her back. It quickly became apparent that Polly was too far gone, she was dead and his first instinct was to blame himself. In sombre silence they packed away their equipment and made their way back to the firehouse, any loss of life was tough but Polly looked fourteen at best, with her whole life ahead of her. Rather then resuming the game of cards they sat in silence, each preoccupied with thoughts of things they could have done differently, previous losses and the effect the loss would be having on the family. Everyone in the house understood what they were going though and gave them the space and time they needed. Kelly eventually got up and headed to his office, putting off his report would only make things worse. It temporarily eased the swirling stream of negative thoughts. Time passed slowly and strangely that night, he wanted to be home in bed with Erin and Shay but made do with text messages and too dark photographs. He hadn't yet told Erin the extent of his days work, they both preferred to discuss those kinds of thing in person, he also knew she was busy enough with Shay.

* * *

"I brought breakfast" Kelly announced walking into the oddly quiet house first thing the next morning.

"We'll be down in a sec" Erin called back, she had been putting off getting out of bed but was now eager. Shay had slept well and seemed to have improved greatly, she was awake, smiling and laughing too. Erin picked her up and settled Shay on her hip before heading down to the kitchen.

"Good morning beautiful" He greeted so enthusiastically that she instantly knew something was wrong.

"What happened?" She demanded putting all thoughts of food aside.

"We lost a kid, car accident, she was trapped and we couldn't get her out in time" He explained straight up, deflecting now would only be delaying the inevitable. Erin knew that words wouldn't help so instead she gave him a one armed hug, Shay understood and kept quiet. When he pulled away he took Shay giving her a hug and kiss then handed Erin the breakfast wrap he had bought her. They moved to the lounge and ate in front of the television, catching up on the morning news. Once they had both finished eating they discussed their plans for the day, Erin wanted to hit the grocery store and stock up before cooking up meals for the freezer. The last few weeks had depleted their supply and she wanted to get everything in order before she returned to work. Kelly was keen on staying home with Shay, her good mood had worn off quickly and she was clingy and tired again. He planned on heading to bed anyway so having Shay as company didn't bother him. Erin showered and dressed as quietly as she could, Kelly and Shay slept snuggled together on the bed. With a list in mind shopping took no time, and soon she was unpacking bags from the car. The first dilemma was fitting everything in the fridge. Feeling like she could set a new high score in Tetris she pulled out the cookbook and read through the recipe she intended to make. It was one of the few things good enough that she was constantly referring back to the recipe. That didn't mean that she had remembered the vast quantity of butter the pastry required, one thing she hadn't thought to buy at the store, instead she found herself researching alternatives on her phone. With the pastry problem overcome she got onto preparing the various pie fillings. While they cooked away she got ready for the second round, pasta sauces and lasagne.

Everything was either cooking or cooling when she turned to the fridge for a glass of juice to reward herself. The first thing she noticed when she pulled open the door was the lack of light, she closed it then opened it again, still nothing. She froze and listened for the ever present hum, nothing. All the other electrical devices were still working so the only explanation was that their fridge had spontaneously decided not to work. Things were cool enough for the time being but if the problem wasn't fixed soon half of the things she had bought would go bad. Thankfully Kelly had woken hungry and joined her in the kitchen shortly later. He handed over Shay then started his own diagnostic tests and repair attempts. When that didn't work he took Shay while Erin looked up and called fridge repairers. As it happened today was a busy day for people in that line of work and it would be hours before anyone could come and fix it. Frustrated that nothing ever went to plan Erin and Kelly helped themselves to refrigerated foods for lunch.

"I'm going to go ask the lady next door if she could spare some space in her fridge" Erin eventually resolved getting up and purposefully leaving the room. They had barely spoken a word to their neighbors since introducing themselves when they moved in, despite this they were surprisingly willing to help. Mrs. Croft, the kind old lady that lived up the street from them, got the man directly across the street to make space in his freezer. Erin was amazed by how kind complete strangers could be and soon her fridge and freezer were empty. When the fridge repairman finally stopped by he broke the news that replacing it would be cheaper then demanded money and left. It was too late to head to go out and buy a new one so they had a thrown together dinner.

"Everything should be fine now" Kelly said as they lay in bed that night.

"What do you mean?" She questioned, not following his train of thought.

"Threes, bad things happen in threes, Shay got sick, I had a crappy shift and the fridge broke, that's three" He explained punctuating it with a yawn.

"I hope you're right" She said positioning her head on his chest. Shay had surprised them both and happily decided to sleep in her own room.

"Me too" He agreed.

"I did say we needed a stainless steel fridge to match the oven and dishwasher when we moved in" She realised.

"We'll see, I like white" He replied.

"I do too, but it doesn't match" She argued.

"Why does it have to?"

"It looks better" She insisted giving in and yawning as well. The conversation faded into nothingness and they enjoyed the peace for a few moments before falling asleep.

**What do you think of going to work with Kelly for a bit? I just wanted to mix things up :D**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello everybody! The first update of 2015 :D **

Erin sat in the waiting room bouncing Shay on her knee, their appointment had been scheduled for just over half an hour ago, there still there was no sign of the doctor. She had even gone to the effort of making sure they arrived ten minutes early. Erin was thankful Shay was back to normal, if not the excessively long wait would have been unbearable. Shay's health had improved massively over the last few days, her appetite had returned followed by her positive attitude and she'd even started sleeping normally again. Erin had received daily updates from Halstead and Voight so she knew the team had completed their paperwork and were back on the trail of some of the city's most notorious criminals. These two factors combined, tempted her to going back to work. Shay was still on antibiotics for another week so Erin was conflicted. Kelly hadn't been in the right frame of mind to discuss it so Erin had made a doctor's appointment, needing another adult opinion on the topic. Kelly had blamed himself for Polly's death, despite the coroner's report and departmental investigation proving otherwise. Erin's attempts to discuss the topic had been ignored to the point that she increasingly felt like she was living alone with Shay. When he wasn't at work being ridiculously cavalier, Erin had heard from many sources that he'd been running into burning buildings for photo albums, pets and even toys, he was home sleeping. Erin knew what he was going through, she'd lost people too, and she didn't understand why he wasn't letting her in.

"Shay Severide" the doctor called snapping Erin back to reality. Erin slid her bag onto her arm as she stood and followed the doctor to his office. "Haven't seen you in a while" He commented looking across to his computer.

"Yeah, I went back to work so life has been a bit hectic" Erin explained.

"Understandably" He acknowledged, clearly still reading over Shay's records on his computer.

"Shay was hospitalised a fortnight ago, I asked her doctor to send you his report" She added.

"Oh, really? I haven't received anything. If you don't mind, I'll just go check with reception" He answered looking shocked.

"Sure" Erin answered, the fact he didn't know explained his behaviour. He left the room and returned a few minutes later.

"Nothing, I've got them looking into it though" He said moving around the desk to sit down again. "Why don't you tell me what happened"

"She developed a temperature and cough between when I dropped her at daycare in the morning and about lunchtime. Her dad picked her up, gave her some paracetamol which didn't help. She started coughing up blood and had trouble breathing so she was rushed to hospital where they ran a bunch of tests and figured out that she had a chest infection. She's been on antibiotics ever since, twice daily" Erin recalled, memories of how useless she had felt resurfaced but she tried to ignore them.

"That must have been terribly frightening" He responded typing away furiously.

"I was at work" She said blankly, she wasn't sure she'd ever get over it.

"She got to hospital in time and looking at her today I would never have picked it. You can't always be there" He said supportively. One of Erin's favourite things about this particular doctor was his ability to empathise and say exactly the right thing.

"She's still on the antibiotics but she's back to normal" Erin answered turning her attention to Shay who was chewing on the sleeve of her shirt.

"Well that's great, what's today's visit about then?" He asked knowing that she had never made an unscheduled appointment before.

"I want to go back again but she's still on medication so I wasn't sure if she's okay to go back to daycare" Erin said instantly feeling like a bad parent for even suggesting returning to work.

"I don't see why not, if she's taking medication morning and night they won't even have to worry about it" The doctor noted ignoring the doubt he saw in Erin's eyes.

"Really? It's only two days this week, I think" Erin said suddenly doubtful about Kelly's ability to look after Shay on his days off.

"You think?" He questioned.

"Yeah" She replied, smiling, it wasn't something she wanted to discuss.

"Well I can weigh her and do a bit of a check-up just to be sure if you want" He offered.

"That would be great" Erin sighed.

"Hello Shay, how are you?" He asked as he took Shay from Erin, carrying her over to the scales.

"Mama?" Shay replied looking to Erin with uncertainty, Erin smiled reassuringly and Shay started babbling in response to her doctors facial expressions.

"Gosh she's getting big" He commented noting her weight on a piece of paper.

"Well she eats a lot" Erin laughed.

"Still breast feeding?" He enquired.

"Just twice a day, she eats baby food and chews on just about anything" She answered wondering if she should intervene as Shay fought to grab the stethoscope.

"Good" He mumbled. Erin watched on silently as he measured and tested everything he could think of. "Her chest sounds perfect, everything else is normal as well" He said handing Shay back to Erin a few minutes later.

"So you're saying it's okay to send her to daycare tomorrow?" Erin asked hopefully.

"Absolutely fine" He nodded.

"Great, thanks" She said, allowing herself to smile.

"Any other questions?" He asked transferring his notes into the computer.

"No, that was everything. Thanks" Erin answered getting up to leave.

"See you in…" He looked at his appointment register "a month"

"Okay" She replied as he held the door open for her. He walked her out to the reception desk and checked up with the receptionist. There was still no sign of the hospital doctor's report. Erin checked her phone on the way to the car sending Lara a quick apology, she was running late for their lunch. Since they were already late Erin took a few minutes to call Nina at the daycare centre and organise Shay's return for the next day. Of course she then met every single red light between the clinic and Lara's house. By the time she arrived Shay was sleeping in her car seat, not wanting to wake her Erin simply unclipped it and carried it inside with her.

"It's so good to see you!" Lara squealed as she pulled open the door, Erin had put the car seat down in preparation for the hug she knew was coming.

"It's great to see you too" Erin said as Lara released her.

"Come in" Lara said stepping aside to welcome Erin into her home. Just as their home had changed to accommodate Shay, Lara and Josh's house was completely different now that Willow was getting close to walking. "Will's upstairs having a nap" Lara explained. Erin placed Shay in the corner, out of the way but still close so she could keep an eye on her.

"So how have you been?" Erin asked.

"Great, I've really got the hang of the whole mum thing. I haven't been doing anything interesting though, not like you back at work" Lara replied.

"Well I've been terrible at the mum thing and great at work..." Erin trailed off.

"Don't be silly, you are a great mum" Lara scolded.

"Sure, that explains why my baby had to be rushed to hospital while I was off raiding gang hangouts" She elaborated.

"That can't be the whole story, tell me what really happened" Lara forced.

"Okay" Erin said before taking a deep breath. She started at the beginning and told the whole story in as much detail as she could manage.

"Oh, poor Kelly, it must have been dreadful" Lara said when Erin finally finished.

"I'm so over poor Kelly" Erin snorted.

"What's going on there?" Lara demanded.

"A girl his team were trying to get out of a car died. He's blaming himself and working until he collapses. I haven't spoken with him properly since and I'm sick of it" Erin said sounding particularly harsh.

"So he's blaming himself?" Lara questioned.

"Yeah and that's fine, that's normal for a while. It's been almost two weeks and he can't keep going like this" Erin replied.

"Are you angry at him or worried about him?" Lara probed trying to gauge the situation properly.

"Both" She answered looking over to check that Shay was still sleeping, she'd dropped her lion but slept on peacefully. "I'm worried about him" Erin said after a moments thought. "He's taking stupid risks, he has Shay and me but it doesn't seem to bother him. I just want him to talk to me."

"Have you given him a chance?" Lara asked.

"Not really, I've been letting him do whatever he wants and staying out of his way" Erin answered as realisation dawned.

"Then that's what you have to do, once Shay is in bed tonight talk to him" Lara instructed getting up to organise lunch.

"I'll do my best" Erin agreed. The conversation turned to a lighter subject and they discussed their growing girls as they ate lunch. Erin was thankful to have someone to talk to and couldn't help but feel that Lara's message had arrived at the perfect time. They hadn't spoken much since becoming mothers but their friendship was the sort that was easily picked up where it left off. Erin left feeling much better about herself and her complains. While Lara had been quick to defend Kelly she soon realised that all Lara was doing was making her analyse the situation by leaving the emotion out of it. Arriving home it didn't appear that Kelly had moved all day. Erin had mentally prepared herself to give him her full attention and set about getting dinner and Shay's bedtime routine out of the way. She showered, giving Kelly time to settle into bed, then joined him. For the first time in days she snuggled against his side. She let silence fall over them hoping to force him into breaking it. Not falling asleep was the hard part as the minutes ticked by.

"I'm sorry" He whispered eventually looking down at her. Placing a finger under her chin he tilted her head up and claimed her lips.

"That's okay" Erin murmured in response when he pulled away. It didn't take long for his lips to return, suddenly hungry.

"You're so beautiful" He added as he started kissing along her jaw. Inside Erin's head a storm was brewing and soon enough it got to the point that she could no longer hold her thoughts in. She placed a hand on Kelly's chest and gently pushed him back, he resisted so she pushed harder.

"Are you sorry because you realise you've been handling this wrong or because you want sex?" She asked.

"Erin" He groaned.

"I'm serious, you have the choice here, you can talk to me or we can keep things going the way they have been for the last couple of weeks. I'm not saying I wouldn't rather have sex but I'm not going to give in until you decide to grow up and talk about your feelings. Oh, I forgot macho firemen don't even have feelings" She ranted feeling colour rising in her cheeks

"Oh I have feelings" He replied, clearly fighting to keep his voice down.

"Really? What are you feeling?" Erin questioned.

"Pissed off" He replied throwing back the blanket and getting out of bed.

"Where are you going?" She asked softly.

"The couch, night" Kelly replied coldly marching purposefully out of the room.

"Night" She replied though it was too late. Flopping back onto the bed she couldn't help but wonder what Lara would think of her. Surely this wasn't what Lara had had in mind. Erin groaned and tried to find a comfortable position, if only she could turn off her mind she might stand a chance at sleep. Laying in the darkness made it easy to catastrophize, what if they never made up?


	19. Chapter 19

**Okay, so I'm a firm believer that you cannot have the rainbow without the rain. As such I pride myself on conveying a realistic relationship. The story would be quite boring if they were happy all the time. Please forgive me and realise that everything I write is part of a bigger picture. **

In the morning Erin woke feeling determined. She was out of the house with Shay in tow an hour earlier than necessary. Kelly was still snoring on the couch when she let the front door slam closed behind her. Nina was very pleased to see Shay looking so much better. Erin was quick to assure Nina that she wasn't at all to blame for Shay's ill health. Shay seemed just as content in Nina's arms as she was in her mothers so Erin didn't hesitate to give her a goodbye kiss and leave. Rather than heading straight to the district she stopped at the boxing gym frequented by the intelligence unit, mostly because of the discount Antonio had negotiated for them. Erin pulled her hair into a ponytail and found herself a punching bag, letting the emotions she had been holding back fly. Each punch landed with a satisfying thud. She lost track of time only stopping when she became to exhausted to continue. The timing just so happened to coincide with Jay Halstead's arrival at the gym.

"What are you doing here?" He asked approaching her as she turned away from the punching bag.

"Punching things" Erin replied with a shake of the head, it was a dumb question so she supplied the obvious response.

"Just because you felt like it?" He questioned, undeterred.

"Yeah" She answered, she knew he was fishing for more information. She grabbed her towel and water bottle and walked off leaving him standing there confused. He thought on it for a moment then turned his attention to his own morning work out. Erin showered, dressed and made the trip to the district in silence. The moment she walked through the door she forgot about Kelly and Shay focusing fully on the work day she had ahead.

"Oh, it's a hair up day. Watch out" Olinsky commented as Erin walked in to find the unit lounging around their desks.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She questioned, feigning innocence.

"You know what it means" Olinsky laughed before turning on Ruzek and ordering him to fetch some paperwork. Antonio and Atwater turned in their chairs and pretended to get to work, it was pointless until Voight arrived and introduced their new case. Halstead turned up twenty minutes late but Voight still hadn't arrived so there was nothing but Lindsay's glare to reprimand him.

"Sorry I'm late, I've been talking to a CI and I've got us a case" Voight announced when he arrived half an hour later.

"What is it?" Atwater asked eagerly, he had been twiddling his thumbs while everyone else used the free time to read emails, check the news or discover the latest funny cat videos.

"My CI gave me a tip off about a truck load of drugs coming into the city soon. Wouldn't give me any details, just a name. I want to know everything there is to know about Thomas Sullivan" Voight answered as he scrawled the name across the whiteboard. They didn't need to be told twice, snapping to action. Antonio divided up the task assigning bank records, criminal records, personal life, known associates and family to different members of the unit. It wasn't long before Lindsay had found everything in the system about his family and urged a visit to his mother. She ran it past Voight and with his approval found herself driving out to the suburbs with Halstead complaining from the passenger seat.

"Ma'am, Chicago PD, can we come in?" Lindsay asked though she didn't give the impression that the woman had any choice.

"Alright" Mrs Sullivan answered leading them through to a cosy living room.

"We just wanted to talk about your son Thomas" Halstead provided once they were all seated.

"Tommy? What do you want with him? He's a good boy" She defended quickly.

"When did you last see him?" Lindsay questioned.

"A couple of weeks ago. What's this about?" Mrs Sullivan asked.

"We have reason to believe your son is involved in some fairly high level drug smuggling, we need to talk to him" Lindsay answered holding eye contact for as long as possible.

"Talk, you lot don't talk. You shoot people" She replied looking up to the family photo on the wall. Lindsay followed her eyes and noted the two boys, there had been no record of a brother.

"We want to avoid that" Halstead said.

"Do you know where Thomas is?" Lindsay asked.

"If I did I wouldn't tell you" Mrs Sullivan answered.

"Ma'am please, we don't want to hurt him. We just want to stop him committing a major felony" Lindsay said trying not to get frustrated.

"Your lot said they wanted to talk to Bobby too, then they shot him. Do you have kids?" She asked softly.

"Does it matter?" Lindsay shrugged.

"If you did you'd know that the most important job any parent has is to protect their kid. I'm sorry but I can't help you anymore" Mrs Sullivan replied getting up quickly and ushering them out of her house before they could change her mind.

"Well that was helpful" Halstead said as they drove away.

"More so than you think, the moment we're out of sight she's going to try and contact her kid. If we're lucky we might be able to find him" Lindsay responded with a smile. They weren't sure whether to be pleased or frustrated when they arrived back at the district to find that the search for Thomas Sullivan had been disregarded following a new discovery. Using telephone and bank records they had been able to link Sullivan to a number of other unsavory characters, one of which was particularly close with a CI Antonio knew. The CI had happily given over the entire plan when asked, they were going to get a massive quantity of illegal drugs into the city in the walls of a house on the back of a truck. It was certainly a novel idea but now the intelligence unit were onto them they stood no chance of succeeding. With this information all they needed to do was prepare to stop the truck early on Thursday morning. They found the perfect stretch of motorway for the bust and sorted the finer details. By the time Erin left at five everything had been planned out perfectly.

* * *

One thing they couldn't have anticipated was the discovery of Thomas Sullivan's corpse by some uniformed officers in the middle of the night. The officers been patrolling near a busy nightclub when they spotted the body in an alley. Lindsay felt terrible for Mrs Sullivan, in response she headed the investigation. It took most of the morning to find where Sullivan had been killed and from there they were able to use CCTV footage to identify his killer. Lindsay wanted to bring him in but Voight insisted they wait until after the bust, chances were he'd be there anyway.

"You did this" Mrs Sullivan screamed at Lindsay when their paths crossed at the front desk later that afternoon.

"Mrs Sullivan, I'm sorry for your loss" Lindsay replied calmly.

"I hope your kid dies" Mrs Sullivan spat back, Lindsay didn't look back as she headed up the stairs. Lindsay knew Mrs Sullivan was distraught but the thought of anything happening to Shay still made her feel sick. She wanted to call Kelly and check in but instead she did paperwork.

"I want everyone here by four thirty in the morning" Voight commanded before dismissing them for an early night. Erin headed straight home and took Shay for a walk to the park. She increasingly felt like two people, Detective Lindsay and Shay's mum. Kelly had dinner ready by the time they got back. Sitting in the dining room to eat was ridiculously tense, Erin fought the urge to throw herself at him and kiss all his troubles away, along with her own. Instead she ran over the plan for the next morning in her head while she ate. They performed their parenting duties then got ready for bed.

"I have to be at work by four thirty in the morning so you'll need to drop off Shay. Her bag is already packed and by the door, her clothes for tomorrow are on the dresser" Erin said when Kelly entered the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"Okay" He acknowledged.

"Can you please come back to the bed tonight?" She asked, the words escaping her mouth before she could stop them.

"Alright" He agreed, the couch wasn't exactly comfortable and he was tired. Now that he finally felt like he could let her into his head he hesitated, not wanting to distract her from her work.

Waking up with Kelly's arm around her waist made her smile, even if it was insanely early. She snuck out of bed, dressed and was gone. The rest of the team were pumped and it was hard not to let the excitement get the better of her. It was still going to be a dangerous situation and Voight made this very clear in his briefing. They were to say with their partners at all times. They headed to the motorway and got into position, communicating over their ear pieces. The truck rolled into view, the house on the back wasn't really a house, just half of one. Still full of plenty of hiding places. As soon as the truck stopped they made their approach. Antonio and Voight drew the anticipated gunfire of the very angry driver and passenger while the rest of the team gained access to the house. They moved through strategically, treating it just as they would if it wasn't on the back of a truck. All up they found and arrested three men, each poorly concealed in the shell of a house. With the driver and passenger Voight and Antonio had arrested they had five fugitives in custody. Next came the fun part, taking sledgehammers to the walls to find the drugs. Each wall was packed from top to bottom with packages the size of bricks. They called in narcotics who were eager to join in on the demolition. By the time they were finished they'd successfully beaten the state weight record for a single drug haul. They headed back to the district and got straight to work extracting confessions, not only for the smuggling but for a number of other outstanding crimes as well. It was an arduous process, not helped by the constant need to refer to and work with other units.

"We'll do the paperwork tomorrow, head home" Voight instructed just after three o'clock.

"Not complaining, but Molly's won't be open" Ruzek replied looking around the room for support.

"I'll buy a round tomorrow when all the reports are in, until then I want you all to go home and get some rest" Voight answered. That seemed to make everyone happy and they all collected their things leaving before he could change his mind. Erin was in the daycare parking lot before she had a chance to think, she planned to spend the afternoon with Shay then have an early night.

"Good afternoon, can I see Nina please?" Erin asked the girl at the front desk.

"Nina isn't here today but I can get Clara, her stand in" the girl replied turning and moving to do so. Erin waited patiently.

"I'm here for Shay" She said when Clara arrived.

"Shay?" Clara asked looking suddenly confused.

"Yes, Shay Severide" Erin clarified shaking her head, if Nina were there she'd be leaving already.

"S..s..she's not here, somebody already picked her up" Clara replied getting paler by the second.

"Her dad?" Erin questioned, then she started wondering why on earth Kelly would pick Shay up early.

"No" Clara replied.

"Then who?" Erin asked, there were only four people allowed to pick Shay up and Erin had a hard time believing Gabby or Cindy were behind it.

"I don't actually know" Clara admitted bursting into tears.

"What do you mean you don't know? You gave my baby to a stranger?" Erin asked, already moving past the gate and into the daycare center. This was so utterly ridiculous there had to have been a mistake, surely if she looked properly Shay would be there.

"I'm sorry. She knew Shay though. She knew where you worked too, I just assumed..." Clara said following Erin on her search.

"Stop talking" Erin snapped, her stomach sinking as she realised Shay was actually missing. Erin stopped to take a deep breath trying to work out the best way to handle the situation. Panic washed over her and she fumbled her phone from her pocket.

"Erin, what's up?" Voight asked casually.

"Hank, someone's taken Shay" She managed weakly.

**To Be Continued...**

**Things have to get worse before they can get better, no? Don't hate me...**

**P.S - I was made aware of some technical difficulties in viewing the last chapter, this had nothing to do with me and I am hoping it has all been sorted now. **


	20. Chapter 20

**So I've already reneged on one of my new years resolutions...I ate way too much chocolate while writing this!**

Hank Voight was old fashioned, he didn't like to make phone calls while driving. He was happy to make an exception now though, calling the team back in and giving them directions to the daycare center. Meanwhile Erin was trying to get information from Clara, who was blubbering instead of answering questions. Voight arrived and sent Erin outside to call Kelly while he took the calm and soft approach with Clara, judging it would be the only method that worked.

"Kelly, you need to come to the daycare center" Erin said pacing back and forth.

"Whats going on?" He asked having no context from which to discern her reasoning for requesting his presence.

"Someone's taken Shay" She replied. It was the second time she'd said those three words, this time they were accompanied by physical pain. Anything could be happening to Shay, she had grown so much but she was still delicate and incredibly vulnerable. Erin didn't want to think about the possibilities but there was no way somebody would steal a baby without some form of malicious intent.

"I'm on my way" Kelly replied after a long silence, somehow he managed to sound calm. Erin sat on the low brick wall that ran around the raised garden bed trying to dismiss the terrible thoughts racing through her head. Antonio was the first to arrive, without speaking he pulled Erin into a hug. He'd been in exactly the same position and knew what she was feeling.

"We'll find her" Antonio assured when he stepped back, looking her dead in the eyes. She nodded then watched as he entered the daycare center. Ruzek and Burgess arrived together, Erin didn't care what was going on between them, she was just happy to have more people looking. Antonio returned to the car park and sent Ruzek and Burgess to search the immediate area, including the playground two blocks away. Erin knew it wasn't going to be that easy.

"Erin" Halstead said softly when he stopped in front of her.

"Who would do this?" She asked him, the question had been swirling around in her mind and saying it aloud helped.

"I don't know, but we'll find them, we'll find Shay" He answered determinedly. Erin stood and initiated a hug, he was her partner and at times she wondered if he knew her better than anyone else, purely because they'd spent so much time together. He held her firmly and she let herself cry, tears streaming down her face as the severity of the situation finally got to much. She had been too busy at work to protect her baby. When she finally released Jay the first thing she noticed was Kelly standing with Antonio awkwardly watching her while trying to listen to what the detective was saying. Wiping her cheeks to regain composure Erin moved to fill him in on the situation. Voight interrupted ordering everyone back to the district.

"Erin, with me" He barked. She looked at Kelly then did as she was told and got in Voights car.

"What did she say?" Erin questioned when he didn't start speaking.

"Middle aged woman, short and blonde" Voight described, Clara really hadn't been paying much attention so they had very little to go on. "Pissed off anyone matching that description recently?" He asked while she processed the information.

"Mrs Sullivan!" Erin announced suddenly remembering how angry the woman had been.

"Thomas Sullivan's mother?" Voight asked.

"Yeah, she said she hoped my kid dies" Erin realised unable to keep the fear from her voice.

"Then that's where we look" He said before interfacing with the car to get Antonio to pick up Atwater and get to Mrs Sullivan's house. Erin supplied the address feeling a tiny surge of relief knowing they were on their way. She wanted Voight to turn the car around so she could face Mrs Sullivan herself but knew he would never agree. At the district Voight made her tea then forced her to sit in the break room while he went down to talk to Platt. Olinsky had been at his desk the whole time trawling through the CCTV footage from up and down the road of the daycare center. Tracking the car had become their only lead when Antonio had called to let them know Mrs Sullivan wasn't home. Erin ignored Voight's commands and went over see if Olinsky was making any progress.

"You're looking for Mrs Sullivan's car?" Erin questioned.

"Yeah" He replied without taking his eyes from the screen. Erin stood watching over his shoulder until Kelly arrived, now it was her turn to make tea.

"The whole unit is working on this" She assured, trying to sound confident.

"I don't know how to feel" Kelly said looking up at her, the pain in his eyes matched the fear in hers. "Other than useless" He added.

"We have an idea who it is, we just have to find her and hope..." She stopped herself.

"Hope that they haven't hurt her?" He questioned. She couldn't bring herself to answer so instead gave him a nod. "Who is it? Why?"

"There's a woman who's son died yesterday, she blamed me. I don't know how she found out about Shay or anything but I don't think she'd hurt her. I think she just wants me to understand what she's going through" Erin replied, it was hard to try and rationalise such an irrational act.

"Were you involved in his death?" Kelly asked. For a moment Erin felt hurt that he even needed to ask.

"No, not at all but I spoke to her about him the day before. Her nephew was killed by a policeman, she adopted him when her sister died. I think she's hated the police ever since" Erin explained.

"Okay" He said unable to think of any further questions.

"I'm going to go see what's happening, stay here" She said when Voight arrived a few minutes later.

"Still nothing" Voight announced before Erin had a chance to ask. "You just have to sit tight" He instructed before leading her back to the break room. She sat reluctantly then started stabbing holes in a Styrofoam cup the minute Voight left the room. Erin watched as one by one the unit returned to their desks, knowing they'd reached the point where time was the only solution. Kelly held her hand and they sat in silence, Erin allowed her mind to wander. When she returned to reality she noticed the team huddled around Olinsky's desk. She couldn't stop herself from joining them, standing quietly a little way back so no one noticed her presence. Olinsky had located Mrs Sullivan's car at a mall, Voight was laying down their plan: find the security office and view security camera footage until they spotted Mrs Sullivan, then lock down the shop she was in and negotiate getting Shay back.

"What if she won't give the kid over?" Ruzek questioned.

"We shoot her, we're not messing around today. This is family" Voight responded scanning faces to make sure everyone understood. "Suit up, we roll in five" He finished and everyone turned to leave.

"I'm coming too" Erin said catching up with Voight just as he reached his office door.

"No you aren't" He replied. "You being there won't help. I'll get her back, trust me."

"Hank, please?" She asked.

"No" He said firmly as he pulled his vest on and checked his gun.

"Please?" She pleaded sounding more pathetic than ever before.

"You can stay in the car" Voight agreed shaking his head.

"I'll stay in the security office" She corrected, he sighed. Voight knew all to well how good she was at getting her own way so he didn't bother to argue.

"Get Nadia to sit with Kelly then" He ordered. Erin apologised to Kelly profusely but he didn't seem to mind that he was being left behind.

"I don't care, just bring her back" Kelly said before watching Erin and the rest of the team leave. Halstead kept a close eye on his partner as they made their way through the mall, the car park and security office were on opposite sides of the complex. The rest of the unit were looking for Mrs Sullivan and Shay, there was no sign of them amongst the crowd but they didn't lose hope. Voight was rather forceful in dealing with the head of security determined to gain access to the security cameras immediately. With eight pairs of eyes on the dozen screens it didn't take long for them to spot Mrs Sullivan. Burgess pointed her out on the bottom right monitor.

"Where's Shay?" Erin questioned fully expecting to see her baby with Mrs Sullivan.

"We'll go ask her, you stay here" Voight replied. A moment later he ordered Burgess to stay with Erin, just in case. Erin watched the screen intently, Mrs Sullivan might not have Shay but she would certainly have answers. It was hard not to smile as the team swiftly and efficiently took Mrs Sullivan into custody, even with only the grainy security camera footage to go on Erin could tell Mrs Sullivan wasn't pleased. Burgess received a phone call that ordered her to delay Erin so they had time to get Mrs Sullivan back to the district and into the interrogation room before she arrived. It was definitely an easier said than done situation, Erin now desperate to get her baby back. Burgess insisted they stop for food as they made their way back to the car, selecting the longest line and most complicated order. If Burgess wasn't her only ride back to the district Erin would have gotten angry, instead she paced until the order was filled. When the pair finally arrived back at the district nobody even tried to stand in Erin's way. She looked ready to explode but didn't interrupt the interrogation the way they had expected, instead content to watch the exchange through the glass. Mrs Sullivan's blatant denial of any involvement was at first frustrating but as Voight continued to question her it became apparent that she really wasn't involved. That she had driven past the daycare was completely coincidental. When Erin realised this meant that they had been wasting all their time, that they were really no closer to finding Shay, she sunk to the ground. Pulling her knees to her chest she curled herself into a ball and cried. Those who had been watching the interrogation alongside her didn't know how to react. When Erin ignored their attempts at comforting they retreated momentarily, returning with Kelly. Kelly didn't say a word he just sat down beside her and placed an arm around her shoulders.

"Aren't you going to find who does have Shay?" Kelly asked looking up at the small crowd of intelligence officers when they continued to stand and stare minutes later. That got rid of them but also resulted in a muffled sob from Erin. After a long time wondering what he could say to help her he figured it out. "This isn't helping" He said harshly, she gave him a glare but couldn't help but see the truth in the statement. She got up, straightened herself and joined the rest of the unit.

"Any idea who else would do this?" Antonio asked when Erin had been watching for a few minutes.

"No" Erin replied, she had been so sure it would be Mrs Sullivan that she hadn't even considered it could be anyone else. There was no one else with motive.

"You have a pretty regular routine, have you noticed anyone matching the description watching you?" Olinsky asked.

"No" Erin answered again feeling more than useless.

"Atwater, take Burgess to Erin's house and question her neighbours, they might have noticed something odd" Voight ordered and the two young officers got straight to it. "Antonio, go get Clara. We'll get a composite picture together so we can search databases" Voight continued running his fingers through his hair as he did so. Erin took a seat at her desk, entered the information they did have then started scrolling through the tens of thousands of images. Kelly joined her trying to feel purposeful but none of the women looked even vaguely familiar.

"Mrs Croft is the nosiest old lady I've met in a long time" Burgess commented when she and Atwater arrived back.

"And?" Erin asked hopefully.

"She's downstairs making another composite picture, we figured having two wouldn't hurt. Says the lady has been watching your house, started a few weeks ago then she disappeared for a week and started again last Wednesday" Burgess informed proudly. Suddenly the house Erin had grown to feel safe and secure in seemed much less so, she wondered how she could have missed someone watching them. She knew the answer though, she had been so caught up with Shay being sick and the conflict with Kelly that she wouldn't have noticed a thing. A realisation hit Erin and she quickly looked at the computer screen.

"Shay needs her medicine in an hour" Erin said quietly. Logically she knew that despite the doctors insisting Shay complete the course there was little harm in missing the third last dose. Emotionally she felt that it was just another thing she was failing to do as a parent.

"It'll be alright" Kelly assured brushing her hand off the mouse and scrolling for himself.

"Okay so Clara said the woman knew where you work and knew Shay's name. That has to narrow it down" Atwater said looking at Kelly and Erin hopefully.

"Not really if she's been watching the house I'm sure she could figure out where I work. Shay's name is on her bag, it could be seen from a fair distance" Erin replied.

"So you don't know any older, blonde women?" Atwater asked just to be sure.

"None that would do this" Erin replied before turning her attention back to her computer screen. It was a long shot but searching through the images was more likely to lead to something than hypothesizing aloud. They continued to scan the faces, hoping one would stand out.

"Erin, you're going to want to see these" Voight said when he reached the top of the stairs with the two composite pictures. Erin looked up as he turned the pictures around so she could see them. She recognised the face instantly, she pulled open her desk drawer, smacking the corner right into Kelly's knee. It distracted him momentarily but he was still able to grab her hand when she pulled out her gun and tried to make for the door.

"Wait isn't that...?" Kelly asked holding her wrist firmly.

"It is" Erin answered pulling her arm free of his grip.

"Kid, I'll come with you" Voight insisted.

"Who is it?" Halstead asked in the silence that followed, feeling he'd been left out of the conversation long enough.

"My mum" Erin answered quickly. The unit seemed stumped by the revelation but were also very relieved, they finally knew who had Shay. "Lets go then" Erin said looking directly at Voight, she had a feeling she would need him there if she was to avoid becoming a murderer. While they hadn't been invited or ordered everyone followed them out to the parking lot. Kelly rode with Antonio and Halstead while Olinsky found himself stuck with Ruzek, Atwater and Burgess.

"Erin, two things. First, the priority is getting Shay back. Second, you can do whatever you like to Bunny, just don't kill her" Voight instructed as Erin directed them to her mothers latest address.

"I wouldn't" Erin answered, while she might have felt like it she could never do something that would guarantee long term separation from Shay.

"I know" He replied pulling up out the front of the surprisingly nice house. Erin got out of the car and climbed the front stairs, waiting until Voight joined her before ringing the doorbell.

"Erin, hello" Johnny answered looking pleased.

"Where is she?" Erin demanded watching as the smile fell from his face.

"They're in the lounge" He said and as he moved back to point she pushed past him. The joy of seeing Shay momentarily overrode any anger she felt. She pulled Shay from her mothers arms and held her to her chest. Voight and Johnny stood watching in the doorway. Shay started squirming and Erin took a moment to check her over fully before looking up at her mother. She thought for a moment then turned and left the room and house, crossing the street to where Kelly stood. Shay was in for another crushing hug as her father joined the reunion. Kelly pressed a kiss to Erin's head then took Shay, a massive smile spreading across his face now that she was safely in his arms. Erin didn't want to leave them but knew she had to speak with her mother. Voight had already made a start.

"What were you thinking?" Erin asked looking at her mother while shaking her head.

"I put a note in your mail box telling you I had her, there was no need for any of this fuss" Bunny replied. Erin noticed the look of shock on Johnny's face, he'd clearly been lied to.

"Everything is wrong with that statement. You don't think do you? Why would I check the mail box when my baby is missing?" Erin questioned keeping her voice even, yelling wouldn't help.

"You think I'm the one to blame here but you're the one who won't let me see her!" She defended.

"Damn right I won't let you see her! And after this you'll never see her again" Erin said calmly, her mother didn't deserve any more second chances, especially not where Shay was involved.

"Oh come on Erin" Bunny whined.

"No. Don't come looking for her again because I'll have you arrested"

"You wouldn't" Johnny interrupted, stunned by the revelation that his wife's relationship with her daughter wasn't as rosy as he'd been led to believe.

"I would and I won't hesitate if that's what it takes to protect my baby" Erin answered looking across to Voight, he gave her a quick nod then followed her out of the house. Not before giving both it's occupants a warning look.

"Home?" Kelly asked looking exhausted. Erin nodded and turned to follow him to the car, halfway there she stopped and turned. She ran back and thanked everyone for their help. Kelly was still holding Shay, the car door open and car seat waiting.

"I'm so sorry" Erin said noticing the way he looked at Shay.

"You didn't do this" He replied before leaning down and strapping Shay in. Erin let him drive, only because he had been standing on that side of the car. They stopped and bought take out on the way home, neither felt like cooking or eating. Arriving home they ate then found themselves simply staring at Shay. Just like when she had been sick they took her to bed with them, she slept soundly between them while they lay watching her.

"If this wasn't my fault then Polly's death wasn't yours" Erin whispered, they were physically and emotionally exhausted but she felt like now was the right time for this conversation.

"I know that now, I just...It was the first person I've lost since Shay was born. Polly was a kid and a daughter and I couldn't stop thinking about Shay. How I could have worked harder" He replied huskily.

"Oh" Erin said.

"Forgive me? I should have talked to you, you were so busy with Shay and burying it seemed so much easier" He revealed.

"Already have, and I'm never too busy to talk. I promise" She replied with a smile.

"I'm never too busy either" He assured, rather than looking at Shay they were looking at each other.

"This was the worst day" Erin laughed softly when the silence grew to loud to bear.

"Tomorrow will be better" He replied as he carefully leaned across Shay to kiss Erin. She kissed back wondering how they had let the conflict drag on for so long when the solution was so simple, a quick conversation and a kiss. When they pulled apart to breathe and both found themselves yawning they decided they'd better sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

The familiar buzzing of a phone was the first sound Erin heard the next morning. She hoped that if she ignored it, it would stop. It did momentarily and she had just drifted back to sleep when it started again. She groaned softly and rolled over snatching her phone from the bedside table. "What?" Erin asked as she answered the phone, hoping to convey from the outset that she wasn't pleased to have been disturbed so early.

"Don't even think about coming into work today" Voight said gruffly.

"Wasn't planning on it" Erin replied before hanging up and returning the phone to its place. Careful not to make much noise she rolled back. Shay was sleeping, stretched out like a starfish while all Erin could see of Kelly was his back. Erin tried to return to the comfortable position she had been in prior to the phone call but it was no use. Instead she placed a hand on Shay's belly and was instantly met with big blue eyes. Erin couldn't have asked for a more perfect moment as Shay locked eyes with her and gave a massive smile. They spent a long time just looking at each other, Shay quiet and fascinated, Erin thoughtful. Shay finally decided she was bored, she rolled and pushed off Kelly's back to get closer to her mother. Erin pulled Shay up onto her chest pressing a kiss to her head as she did so. Shay grabbed a handful of her mothers hair and shoved it into her mouth, her confused look when it didn't taste any good was priceless. Next she moved onto the shirt, it didn't taste great either. "Are you hungry bub?" Erin asked in a whisper, Shay's eyes snapped up to meet hers at the word hungry. Erin shifted onto her side and Shay tried to help her get the shirt fabric out of the way, as soon as her breast met open air Shay took over. "Such a piglet" Erin commented as Shay started dribbling milk everywhere in her desperation. She looked down and smoothed Shay's soft hair, when she looked up again Kelly was facing her, a massive grin on his face.

"Morning" He greeted.

"Morning" She replied. "I didn't mean to wake you"

"You didn't, its fine" Kelly said quickly, it was obvious to Erin that she had but the smile still hadn't left his face so he clearly didn't mind.

"Ow" Erin said suddenly breaking eye contact to look down at Shay.

"What?" He asked confused.

"She's getting teeth" She replied as she straightened her shirt. Shay poked out her bottom lip and threatened to cry not understanding why breakfast was being cut short. "No biting" Erin told Shay as she sat her up, Shay looked to Kelly before deciding not to cause a fuss. He had watched the exchange with a horrified expression, Shay didn't understand it and Erin struggled not to laugh at it.

"She's getting so big" He said after watching Shay for a few moments.

"Yeah, it won't be long before she's running around causing chaos" Erin replied. Usually thinking of how much Shay had grown made her miss the tiny baby she had been, today Erin was just thankful that they'd found her.

"I might have to do some more baby proofing" He pondered aloud.

"Just make sure you buy the same brand of gate, I'm not learning a whole new locking system" She said remembering the difficulty she had had with the last one.

"I'll do my best. I think we'll need three more, one halfway up the hall so she isn't getting into the other bedrooms, one between the living room and downstairs hallway and one into the kitchen. I could do that today" He said, thinking carefully about the dangers their house held for Shay.

"I'm going to go make breakfast, you can watch Shay and plan your baby prison" Erin replied, she was certain she could learn to install them herself but it was nice that he was willing.

"What are you making?" He questioned, replacing all thoughts of baby gates with food.

"Bacon and egg wraps?" She asked stopping in the doorway to make sure he didn't have any special requests.

"Awesome" He answered. Kelly played peek-a-boo with Shay in bed until the smell from the kitchen got too strong to resist. They arrived just in time for breakfast. Kelly took Shay with him to the hardware store to buy baby gates then got on with installing them while Erin cleaned, vacuumed and did laundry. By lunchtime they'd run out of things to do.

"What should we do this afternoon?" Erin asked looking at Kelly hopefully.

"It's a nice day, we should go out" He replied.

"Where though?" She questioned trying to think of somewhere other than the park down the street.

"I dunno, we could just go for a walk down by the lake" He suggested, struggling to be more creative.

"Great idea, I'll get her hat" Erin replied particularly excited for an excuse to finally use the new hat she had bought Shay. It was reversible with red and white stripes on the inside and navy with white butterflies on the outside.

"Okay" He answered softly, giving Shay a confused look, he certainly hadn't thought it was that good an idea. Erin returned with the hat and a jacket as well, it didn't matter that there were already three of Shay's jackets in her car.

"Lets go" She said excitedly removing Shay from her high chair and moving towards the door.

"I haven't even got shoes on" He called to her as he stood.

"Hurry up" She replied heading out to the car without him. Erin had been waiting patiently in the car for a few minutes when he finally arrived.

"Sorry, couldn't find socks" Kelly explained as he slid into the passenger seat.

"That's because I washed them all" She replied reversing out of the driveway and heading for the lake. There were some joggers, a few couples siting talking and a bunch of kids with ice creams running wild. Kelly hoisted Shay up onto his shoulders from which she could observe everything going on. They walked slowly, enjoying just being together. Talking about anything and everything.

"Where are we going for date night next week?" Kelly asked.

"I have no idea, was there somewhere you wanted to go?" She responded, secretly pleased that he had brought up the topic.

"Casey was raving about a new place a few streets away from Molly's" He answered.

"Sounds good, you'll book?" Erin asked looking out across the lake, small white tipped waves rolled over the surface.

"Done" He agreed.

"I can't send Shay back to that daycare center" She said when they'd walked in silence for a while.

"We'll find something" He assured taking a moment to think about how best to approach the topic.

"Over the weekend?" She asked skeptically. "I don't know if I can trust anyone ever again."

"I have Monday off. It doesn't have to be a daycare, there are people we trust who we could ask Lara or Cindy..." He suggested, unable to think of anyone else. Erin and Lara were fairly close friends but Lara was still the perfect housewife and couldn't help herself from judging at times. Cindy on the other hand was perfect and incredibly trustworthy, she would treat Shay as one of her own and protect her fiercely.

"I'll think about it" Erin replied, and so she did as they at last decided to turn around and walk back to the car. They had been so busy talking they didn't realise how much ground they had covered so it was a much longer walk than they expected. The sun was starting to set adding beautiful pinks and oranges to the sky across the lake. When the car finally came into view they were distracted by the couple they had been following suddenly stopping. As they went to walk around them the man got down on one knee to propose to his blushing girlfriend. They sped up to pass then exchanged a look. "That's cute?" She commented.

"Cute?" He asked carefully.

"Yeah, what?" She questioned clearly not seeing the significance of the admission.

"I thought you were a 'marriage is a waste of time' kind of girl" He explained.

"I am, but its still cute" She replied, now he was even more confused then he had been to begin with. Wondering what exactly that meant for their relationship he was pleased to be distracted after only a few minutes.

"Can we get ice cream?" Kelly asked noticing the ice cream stand just past where they were parked.

"Seriously?" She demanded "of course"

"What flavour are you going to get?" He questioned eagerly joining the line.

"Chocolate" She replied her tone indicating it was a stupid question.

"I might get strawberry, Shay can try some" He said wishing the line would move faster. They finally reached the front and purchased their ice creams.

"This is going to ruin dinner" She said with a laugh.

"That's part of being an adult" He replied handing her Shay so he could eat properly, his incapacity to multitask still amused Erin.

"Exactly" Erin agreed as she let Shay try some of her chocolate ice cream, Shay loved it and was quick to grab hold of the cone for herself.

"We might have to get her one next time" He commented snapping a quick photo on his phone, what could be better than his daughters sticky hands and chocolatey cheeks. As soon as they had finished Erin rushed them back to the car for baby wipes, she was surprisingly good at removing all trace of the frozen treat. They drove back home in silence. Erin pondered what was for dinner while Kelly compared they day they had had to the previous one. He was struck by the realisation that so much could happen in such a short period of time. "I love you" He said breaking the silence as the car stopped in the driveway.

"I love you too" Erin answered straight away looking across at him to make sure he knew she meant it.


	22. Chapter 22

"Erin, I wasn't expecting a call from you. Is everything okay?" Cindy Herrmann asked when she answered the phone.

"Everything is fine. I was just wondering if we'd be able to meet up sometime today, just to talk" Erin answered quickly.

"Saturday's are always really busy, the kids have sports" Cindy explained sounding disappointed. Erin's mind raced as she tried to figure out a solution to their problem. The five Herrmann kids and Shay would make it impossible to have a serious, uninterrupted conversation.

"What if I get Kelly to help wrangle the kids?" Erin asked.

"I guess that could work, he could stay at home with the little ones while Chris takes the boys to soccer" Cindy replied as the idea gained momentum.

"Okay, we can leave in ten minutes. Does that work?" Erin questioned, ten minutes was a little ridiculous, Kelly and Shay were both still in bed. Erin had woken early with one thing on her mind, finding someone trustworthy to look after Shay when she worked.

"Sure, see you soon" Cindy answered, the yelling in the background indicated the need for the conversation to end.

"Bye" Erin said quickly. Now she just needed to get Kelly and Shay out of bed. "We're leaving for the Herrmann's in ten minutes" Erin announced, Kelly looked unimpressed but jumped out of bed and headed for the shower anyway. Taking Shay to her bedroom Erin dressed her comfortably then met with Kelly in the kitchen. She was constantly amazed by how quickly he could eat a bowl of cereal, she had given up on it years ago because it always made her late for work. As soon as Shay's bag was packed with anything she might need she bullied Kelly out the door and they were off.

"So whats going on?" Kelly asked slightly confused as to why he had to be present for the conversation.

"Cindy and I are going to head to a cafe and have coffee while I ask her. You and Chris are going to have to manage all the kids, he's going to take the three older boys to soccer while you stay home with Josie, Kenny and Shay" She explained, hoping he didn't mind being volunteered for child minding.

"Sounds fun" He replied, she couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic so she didn't comment further. They arrived a few minutes later and were quickly ushered into the house. The bigger kids were running around flinging long socks at each other while the little ones were absorbed in Dora the Explorers latest adventure.

"Boys, stop running" Christopher Herrmann yelled as his wife greeted their guests.

"Honey, Kelly's going to watch Josie and Kenny, I'm going out with Erin" Cindy instructed her husband when he finally turned to join the conversation.

"Okay, sure" Chris replied giving his wife a quick kiss on the cheek before heading up the stairs to locate the source of the thumping noise.

"The sooner you go the sooner you'll be back" Kelly said trying to sound wise and comforting, Cindy looked a little anxious to be running off.

"Josie will tell you what DVD she wants next, they're allowed to watch one more before morning tea. Fruit salad is in the green container in the fridge. Call me if you need anything" Cindy said before turning to give Erin a smile.

"Don't let her lose her socks, that's the last matching pair she has" Erin told Kelly as she handed Shay over.

"She still has a matching pair, you're doing well then" Cindy laughed as she followed Erin out the front door. Erin drove them to a small cafe a few streets away, despite its proximity Cindy had never been to it before.

"I'm sorry for interfering with your plans" Erin said as they sat at the only free table near the window.

"Plans, taxiing kids to sports and cheering supportively when they score an own goal? I'd rather talk with you" Cindy replied with a smile.

"That's okay then" Erin laughed, picturing the forced cheers a parent would have to give during sporting attempts.

"So, what's going on? I haven't heard from you in weeks, Chris said Shay was in hospital but since then I haven't heard anything" Cindy said once they'd ordered tea and cake.

"Everything has been so busy. Shay was in hospital overnight, three weeks ago, she's only just finished the antibiotics but she's totally recovered from the chest infection. We had a bit of a drama on Thursday when my mum decided to take Shay from daycare without telling me" Erin said trying to play down the abduction of her daughter.

"That's crazy you must have been really worried" Cindy exclaimed easily putting herself in that position.

"Yeah" Erin admitted softly, really worried didn't cover getting the intelligence unit involved but she didn't really want to mention that.

"Why wouldn't she have told you?" Cindy questioned.

"She knows she's not allowed to see Shay so she lied her way past the staff and took her instead" Erin said honestly.

"You mean she wasn't one of the people you approved to pick Shay up?" Cindy asked starting to look angry.

"No, it's just you, Gabby Dawson, Hank, Kelly and I" Erin answered.

"That's ridiculous" Cindy said shaking her head in disbelief.

"Absolutely, that's why I wanted to talk to you. I don't want her going back to daycare but I want to keep working" Erin said hoping Cindy could see where she was going.

"Oh, I'll look after her, no problem" Cindy volunteered immediately.

"It's two or three days a week, seven until five usually" Erin informed making sure Cindy knew all the details before she agreed to anything.

"That's fine, Josie is at kindy five days a week so it's just Kenny and I at home most days. It'll be nice to have another baby in the house. I promise I'll look after her just like one of my own" Cindy answered quickly.

"Thank you, you really don't have to if you don't want to" Erin checked.

"I want to, seriously I really enjoy it" Cindy assured sounding very pleased with the idea.

"I'll pay you the same rate as the daycare" Erin added after a few moments pause.

"Don't be stupid" Cindy responded, shocking Erin.

"Well I can't expect you to do it for nothing" Erin reasoned.

"Yes you can, that's what friends are for. Plus you and Kelly can look after our lot once every few weeks, that'll make us even" Cindy replied resolutely.

"Really? Are you sure?" Erin asked.

"Certain" Cindy said with a final nod.

"Thank you" Erin said again as she wondered what she had done to deserve such a generous friend. Now that the business part was over Erin was happy to relax, drink her tea, eat her cake and chat about all the weird and wonderful things that parents had to deal with. They returned to the house just over an hour later and were surprised to find Kelly leading the kids on a bear hunt. Kenny toddled along behind Josie while Shay watched on looking thoughtful.

"Did you have fun?" Cindy asked when the excitement of her return had died down.

"Yes, but we have to find teddy" Josie squealed quickly running back to the lounge room to locate her missing toy. Kelly mouthed 'five minutes' at Erin then proceeded to make up obstacles for the kids to pass over on their hunt.

"He's really good with them" Cindy commented as she stood with Erin to watch.

"Yeah, he's naturally great with kids" Erin nodded as he seamlessly talked with Josie while preventing Kenny from colliding with the wall.

"Do you think you'll have another?" Cindy pried with a hopeful smile.

"I've actually been thinking about it, not until Shay's older but I think we might" Erin said wondering if there was a relationship between how long it had been since she was pregnant and her eagerness to do it again.

"Well I think any child would be lucky to have you two as parents" Cindy complimented as Kelly finally finished the game by revealing that the teddy bear had been under a blanket the whole time. He said goodbye and picked up Shay before joining Erin and Cindy.

"Good to go?" He asked.

"Yeah" Erin nodded in response.

"Thank you so much" Cindy said giving Kelly a quick hug. "I guess I'll see you on Tuesday morning" She added as she walked them to the door. They exchanged goodbyes and headed home for a quiet afternoon. They settled in front of the television, watching a children's movie while trying to get Shay to stand unassisted. Shay had started pulling herself up using anything and everything but she couldn't maintain it when she let go. Erin suspected she was simply too fat for her tiny feet to support her. At the same time they questioned if she was even ready for standing and walking since she didn't even crawl reliably.

**Okay so today's update is a little short and kinda boring (just the technical side of things) because I didn't get much time to write (and I've run out of motivation to stay up any later to continue). I'll try and make up for it tomorrow :D **


	23. Chapter 23

**So I promised I'd make up for yesterday and I really tried. I honestly spent most of my day writing this... It took a lot of drafting to get something I am somewhat happy with. You all know I'm not good at the M rated stuff but you all seem to really like it so I gave it my best shot. Enjoy :D **

"I ate way too much" Erin groaned as they walked hand in hand back to the car.

"Well I ate all my desert and finished yours so I ate way, way too much" Kelly replied.

"If you weren't a hot fireman I'd worry about how much you eat" She commented seriously.

"Thanks, I think" He said narrowing his eyes. She simply smiled in return and snatched the car keys from his pocket. Kelly was never allowed to drive but she hated carrying the keys, her dress didn't have pockets and they created a bulge if stored in her clutch. The drive home was quiet, both reflecting on the last few days and the wonderful dinner they had just shared. Jay was quick to leave though he did make sure to brag about how easily he had gotten Shay to sleep. If Kelly didn't have something better in mind he would have watched the last few minutes of the hockey game. Instead he followed Erin upstairs, she stood in front of her dressing table removing the feathery gold earrings she had worn.

"Tonight was fun" She commented making eye contact with him in the mirror.

"Was?" He questioned.

"Is?" She asked trying to hide her smile with a questioning look.

"Yeah" He agreed from close enough behind her that she could feel his breath on her neck. Not taking his eyes from hers he leaned down and placed a light kiss below her ear. She exhaled sharply as he straightened, breathing hot air across her ear. Kelly placed one hand on her stomach, pulling her against him and steadying her at the same time. With the other hand he grabbed the zip of her dress, it refused to move without the tension of another hand. Noticing the problem Erin reached up and held the edges of the fabric taut, the zip to descend in one smooth motion. Kelly's mouth returned to her neck drifting slowly down then across her shoulder as he slid the dress down her arm. As impatient as ever she shrugged the dress off and tried to turn and face him. He gripped her arms and forced her to continue to face the mirror.

"What?" She asked softly watching his eyes scan her body.

"You're so beautiful" He replied, she had to stop herself from snorting.

"Well I think you're pretty gorgeous, I'd rather look at you to be honest" She said as she again tried to turn and face him.

"Later" He whispered huskily as he rested his chin on her shoulder and traced his fingers down the soft skin of her sides. He ran a finger across the bottom of her bra, stopping halfway to feel her racing heartbeat against his hand. She couldn't stop herself from moaning as he ran his tongue up the back of her ear. She opened her eyes seeing herself in the mirror. Frustrated by the way he was holding her such that she couldn't see or kiss him properly she decided to take control. Raising her right foot she slid it back until the heel of her shoe pressed against the top of his bare foot.

"Now" She demanded increasing the pressure to the point where it was sure to leave a mark.

"Okay then" He answered without hesitation, happy to move his foot away from hers. She turned to face him, a wicked grin on her face, once again she had gotten her own way. Kelly didn't know how to feel, he liked to make sure she knew how much she meant to him but she seldom relinquished control for long enough. He didn't have a chance to over analyse the situation though as she pulled him close and kissed him softly. Wondering if this was her way of apologising he decided not to over think things and just go with it. She loved the way his lips and tongue responded to the slightest movements of her own. All of a sudden she became aware that he was still fully dressed, hungry for more she began to get rid of the fabric keeping them apart. She ignored the two buttons that went flying as she tore at his business shirt, he'd only worn it so he didn't look quite so underdressed next to her. Shocked by her unusually rough behaviour he grasped her hands and found that they were shaking.

"Whats wrong?" He asked trying to convey the concern he felt.

"Nothing" She assured brushing off his grip and placing her hands to his chest, from there she tilted her head and kissed him.

"Then why are you shaking?" He demanded taking a step back.

"I'm not, I'm totally fine. Stop worrying, actually just stop thinking so much" She answered.

"Erin, we don't have to do this" Kelly said looking at her with pity.

"Yeah we do, its been weeks" Erin snapped wondering if she would get more pleasure from sex or punching him.

"Who cares?" He asked but she had run out of patience shoving him until he fell onto the bed. She kicked off her shoes then crawled on top of him. Sex, she had calculated, was the safer option and so that's what she set about doing. He made a few attempts to stop her, to slow things down and talk to her but she grabbed his wrists and held them to the bed on either side of his head. She used her mouth solely to keep him quiet. After few minutes she felt him relax so she released his hands and pulled back to look at him. He looked bewildered but that didn't stop her from pulling at his pants and kissing her way down his abdomen. "Erin whats wrong?" He asked unable to let it go.

"Nothing is wrong, though I'm starting to think that sex after that much food isn't the greatest idea" She replied, no reservations in brushing aside the real problem, whatever that might be.

"Erin, please" He pleaded.

"Can we please just have sex?" She questioned in response.

"No, I want to talk" He answered shaking his head.

"Well I want to have sex" She replied loudly before realising Shay was sleeping in the next room. "And if you hadn't noticed, you do too" She added in a deadly whisper as she pressed her leg against his erection. He groaned in response though it was impossible to know what part of the exchange he was objecting to.

"Promise me we'll talk about it after" He said with a frown after a long pause.

"Okay" She agreed flippantly sitting up to remove her bra. Once it was gone she removed his underwear then awkwardly tried to remove her own while still sitting astride him. While he had been still up until that moment with a burst of energy he rolled so that he was above her then pinned her hands either side of her head the same way she had. He proceeded to give in to his primal urges, using her body to relieve his frustrations with complete disregard for anything else. Erin was startled but didn't protest. It was rough and fast, soon they were totally breathless. He collapsed on top of her panting for a few moments before mustering the energy to roll to the side. Neither moved for a very long time, their breathing and heart rates returned to normal but their minds continued to race.

"I'm sorry" He said eventually, barely a whisper in the oppressive silence.

"Don't be" She breathed back.

"Can we talk now?" He questioned.

"I need a shower" She replied pushing herself up onto her elbows. He nodded and watched carefully as she walked to the bathroom. After a few minutes he followed slipping into the shower as she got out. Once dried and dressed in their pyjamas they returned to bed, Erin sitting cross legged at the end while Kelly lounged against the headboard.

"What's going on?" He asked softly.

"I don't know, I'm sorry" She shrugged feeling less like talking as each second passed, she wanted to curl up and sleep but he was determined to extract answers.

"I'm just trying to understand. Did I do something?"

"No. I guess I was just nervous and I don't like looking at myself so I went a little crazy" Erin tried to explain, feeling ridiculously emotional.

"Alright" He nodded. "I think you're the most gorgeous person ever, I love every part of you"

"Well maybe I don't" She responded unable to make eye contact.

"That's normal, I'm sorry" He said tilting his head to the side to look at her properly.

"Stop saying sorry! I'm the one who freaked out over nothing" She grumbled flopping forward onto her pillow.

"You're even pretty when you do that. You might not believe me but I'm going to keep saying it until you do" Kelly replied with determination as he slid down to lie flat. She reached out and flicked the light off. The conversation was over but he still wasn't able to sleep, he reached over and grasped her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. She squeezed back and sighed.

**Yay or nay? I wanted to add another dimension rather than just plain old sex...Thoughts? Next chapter will be Shay centered but I have some more M rated stuff planned after that and would love constructive criticism/tips/advice if you have any. Thanks!**


	24. Chapter 24

Chicago has always been known for it's weather. Usually everyone complained about the cold but for the last week the city had been uncharacteristically hot, breaking the highest temperature records every day. While Erin complained the most about the weather, Kelly was the one who actually had to struggle with it. When he was required to don his protective clothing and run into a burning building while the roads were melting he felt like he'd chosen the wrong career. He was particularly glad to end his shift and head home on Saturday morning. They hadn't made plans for the weekend so he was looking forward to removing as much clothing as was decent and occupying the couch. Blasting the air conditioner in his car he was moderately cool by the time he got home. The trip from the car to the front door had him sweating again. He pulled open the door and what he saw made him feel sick, Erin was laying spread out on the floor in the hallway, seemingly unconscious.

"Erin" He squeaked stepping into the house and dropping his bag.

"What?" She asked as she sat up.

"I thought you were dead, or hurt! What are you doing on the floor?" He questioned while he tried to calm down.

"I'm fine, the floor is just nice and cool" Erin answered standing up, she understood his concern.

"Where's Shay?" He asked.

"Just over there" She answered pointing around the corner into the lounge room. Shay wore only a diaper and singlet, sitting on a blanket happily stacking her blocks. She looked up when her name was called but then returned to adding a fourth block to her unsteady tower. As they watched the tower crumbled, Shay laughed then started stacking again. "She's been doing that for almost an hour" Erin explained.

"And she still laughs? She's more patient than I am" He smiled following Erin into the kitchen.

"I have no idea where she gets it from" She replied, Kelly laughed. It certainly didn't come from Erin either.

"It's so hot" He groaned.

"I've lived in Chicago my entire life so I'm completely unprepared to deal with this weather" Erin agreed.

"Do we have ice cream?" He asked looking hopefully to the freezer.

"We do, or there are fruit juice ice blocks, I bought them for Shay but I think you deserve one too" She offered, one hand on the freezer door, waiting for his response before opening it.

"Sounds great" Kelly answered watching as Erin pulled open the freezer and retrieved two of the frozen treats. She cut the top off one and handed it to him then cut the second one in half. Grabbing the cloth from Shay's highchair as she went she moved to the lounge room. Shay squealed with delight as soon as she saw the ice block.

"Mama icy" Shay demanded.

"Yeah baby, icy" Erin replied handing her one of the halves, she shoved it straight in her mouth and started chewing on it.

"When did she learn icy?" Kelly asked joining Erin on the couch, they sat a comfortable distance apart, it was too hot for physical contact.

"Day before yesterday" She answered. "You really don't miss very much, she's asleep half the time you're at work" Erin assured.

"I don't like missing any of it. If it doesn't cool down I'm quitting my job, fires on days like today are ridiculous. People should just stop setting stuff on fire! It's hot enough already, they don't need to make it hotter. Bloody global warming, we're going to have to move further north. How do you feel about Canada? They still have ice hockey and beer so I'm in" He ranted only stopping when his ice block started to drip.

"The weatherman says this should pass by mid week" She replied having finished her half of the ice block while listening.

"It had better" He grumbled sliding off the couch. Shay used her free hand to crawl towards him and climb into his lap. "Sorry baby" He apologised realising he had worried her.

"Dada icy?" Shay questioned removing her ice block from her mouth and offering it to him.

"I have my own, thank you though" He answered gathering Shay in a hug.

"I can't live like this, we're going to have to go to a pool, the bath tub isn't big enough" Erin said after watching Kelly and Shay for a few minutes. Shay had wriggled out of the hug and crawled to get her blocks, dragging the blanket across the room so they could build together. Kelly loved making Shay laugh when he flipped the blocks and they made animal noises, he favourite was the cow.

"Do you know anyone with a pool?" Kelly asked.

"Antonio has one, I'll call and ask. If not we'll just have to go to a public pool and fight the masses" She resolved standing up to find her phone, she found it and scrolled through her contacts. Pressing dial she waited for Antonio to answer.

"Lindsay? What's up?" Antonio Dawson answered, sounding out of breath.

"Antonio..." She said musically, hoping he was in a good mood.

"Yes you can come and use our pool" He answered immediately.

"I wouldn't ask if we weren't dying" She replied with a laugh.

"It's fine, you aren't the first to call. Gabby and Matt are here, so are the Willhite's" Antonio explained.

"Awesome" Erin said

"Admission costs juice and ice cream" He added.

"Any particular type?" She asked, not wanting to turn up and be denied entry.

"Apple and anything but lots of it!" Antonio said. "See you soon" He said quickly before hanging up.

"Sure, see you soon" Erin mumbled sarcastically placing her phone on the kitchen bench. "I found us a pool!" She announced.

"Great, I'll get Shay ready" Kelly replied lifting his daughter up into the air and zooming through the house with her making plane noises. Erin followed them up the stairs, gathering a bag for towels, sunscreen, diapers and clothes for Shay. She then proceeded to the bedroom and pulled open her drawer of swimwear, there wasn't much to choose from but she settled on a simple black one-piece. Once changed she put on a dress over the top and went to see what all the laughing was about.

"What's going on?" She questioned but quickly spotted the problem.

"I didn't realise the zip went at the back" He said holding up Shay to show her pink and purple swimmers, the ruffle that was meant to be at the back was instead across her front. Erin couldn't help but laugh.

"I'll fix it" She said taking Shay and removing the swimwear to find that he had put the swim diaper on backwards as well. It took a few minutes to sort things out, Shay was excited and squirmy making Erin's job trickier. Kelly returned and they were finally ready to leave.

"Have you got everything?" Kelly questioned when he realised he'd left the important job of packing down to Erin.

"I think so, but we still have to stop by the shops to get apple juice and ice cream" She answered throwing the bag into the backseat while he distracted Shay from her ruffle for long enough to do up her seat belt.

"Why?" He asked sounding slightly confused.

"Admission fee" Erin replied trying to work out which grocery store was closest to Antonio's house. She'd only been to his place twice before and couldn't remember seeing any shops on the way. "Do you want to wait here with the aircon on?" She asked when she finally found a parking space, of course it was about as far from the door as was possible.

"Yeah okay" Kelly agreed, she was only getting two things so it shouldn't take long. He was right, she returned less than five minutes later and handed him the plastic bag containing her purchases.

"Pool time" She enthused, looking forward to a day by the pool.

"Pool Shay" He said wondering how quickly she would pick up the word. Shay remained silent so he looked over his shoulder to see that she had discovered the zip of her swimmers.

"That's Jay's car and Hank's" Erin commented as she led the way up the front path of the Dawson house.

"This should be fun then" Kelly said pressing the doorbell since her hands were full.

"Hello" Eva said as she pulled open the door. "Come on in" She added stepping aside to let them past.

"We brought ice cream and juice as requested" Erin said, gesturing to the bag she had let Kelly carry. They walked through the house, Kelly heading to the kitchen with Eva while Erin took Shay and followed the noise.

"Lindsay!" Jay yelled, the first to spot her.

"Halstead!" Erin called back letting Antonio take Shay while she placed her bag at the end of the table. She quickly greeted Laura and Gabby and waved to Diego, Matt and the Willhite's who were playing soccer on the small patch of grass, if they weren't dripping from the pool she would have questioned their motivation.

"Has Shay been swimming before?" Antonio asked, standing on the step with Shay on his hip.

"No, but she loves bath time so she should be okay" Erin replied looking around again. "Where's Hank?" She questioned, his car was outside but he was nowhere to be seen.

"He went next door to get to the ball back" Antonio answered and no sooner had he said it then Hank appeared with a large pink beach ball in hand. At the same time Eva and Kelly returned with the juice and a stack of cups. The kids spotted the pink ball and quickly abandoned their soccer game, they couldn't help but splash as they started up a game of volleyball in the pool. Erin quickly took Shay from Antonio and moved to the furthest corner so she didn't get splashed.

"I'll hold her if you want to take your dress off" Jay volunteered watching Erin struggle to keep her dress from falling in the pool while playing with Shay.

"Um..." Erin hesitated.

"I won't drop her" He assured, looking confident.

"She's gets pretty slippery when she's wet" She warned.

"If I drop her I'll fish her out" Jay said with a smile holding out his hands for Shay. Erin handed Shay over, pulled off her dress and slid into the water before demanding her baby back. Jay laughed at how protective Erin was but handed Shay over quickly then swam away and joined in the ball game. Erin progressively lowered Shay into the water, starting with just her feet, then her legs and body. They spent the day in and out of the pool, swimming, talking, eating ice cream and laughing. It was rare to spend so much down time together but they were like a family coming together for the holidays. They stayed on for an impromptu barbeque dinner and went home thoroughly exhausted.

**I hope you liked this one. Implausible or not I had fun writing it. What could be better than some of our favourite Chicago Fire and PD characters chilling by the pool all day?**


	25. Chapter 25

With the end of the heatwave life returned to normal, work consuming most of their time. Any and all free time was spent with Shay, she was getting closer to walking every day. Kelly and Erin were concerned they were going to miss this major milestone. It got to the point that Cindy was dropping Shay off at District 21 each afternoon as part of the school run. Typically by this point in the day the intelligence unit would be finishing of their case and starting paperwork. Unfortunately Shay wasn't as easy to manage as she had been as a smaller baby, she could be incredibly loud and required constant entertainment. Shay's favourite game was hiding under desks without their occupant realising. Initially Erin had been worried to give Shay freedom to roam the office space but everyone seemed to keep an eye on her so the risk was acceptably low. Even the unit's newest member Hayden Powell, a computer technician, enjoyed Shay's presence. As a new father himself he had gone to the effort of fitting a pull down blind to their case board. Despite everyone's best efforts Erin still jumped to her feet every time Shay started to cry. Erin was sitting at her desk typing up a recount of their day when Shay screamed. Erin moved so quickly that her computer mouse was left dangling over the edge of her desk.

"I don't know what happened" Atwater said quickly as Antonio, who had been walking past at the time, picked up Shay and handed her to Erin. Shay continued to scream as Erin assessed the cut above her eye, speaking to her soothingly the entire time.

"She was trying to use the drawer to stand up" Antonio explained as he handed Erin some tissues.

"What's going on?" Voight questioned as he exited his office to investigate the cause of the commotion.

"Shay's hurt herself" Erin explained dabbing at the cut while rocking Shay.

"Is she okay?" Voight asked rushing over to see how badly hurt Shay was.

"She'll be fine" She replied, the cut was quite small, running vertically through Shay's eyebrow and only bleeding a little.

"You should still go get her checked out" Voight encouraged, his judgement of the severity of injuries especially clouded when it came to Shay.

"It's nothing, I'll just keep an eye on her" Erin said after assessing her options. A doctor's appointment was out of the question, Shay's paediatrician was the best in the city with a tightly packed schedule. Going to the hospital would be a complete overreaction.

"Really? You set a land speed record getting to her but you aren't going to get her checked out by a doctor?" Halstead interrupted.

"She's fine, kids fall over and hurt themselves all the time" Erin justified, it helped that Shay had stopped crying.

"I can call Gabby" Antonio offered trying to diffuse the tension.

"I'll stop by the firehouse on the way home. If I was worried I wouldn't still be standing here" Erin lied, she had started to question her reaction to the situation. Shay was calm and quiet, the cut had stopped bleeding, and there was really no need for medical intervention. At the same time Erin knew she would feel dreadful if something did come of the accident.

"Okay, get back to work then" Voight said as he watched the battle of looks.

"I'm really sorry Erin" Atwater said trapped at his desk where everyone had crowded around.

"It's not your fault at all" Erin replied patting Atwater's shoulder before heading back over to her desk. Shay was happily snuggled to her mother's chest, sucking on her fist. Erin got on with her report trying to ignore the way Halstead was constantly giving her a disapproving look. She tried to see his reaction as a positive, it meant he cared about Shay, but it was still frustrating seeing as he wasn't a parent. Of course she felt bad, guilty even, Shay wouldn't even be there if she wasn't close to walking. That meant she was going to pull herself up using anything she could reach, Erin should have chosen a safer environment. As she handed in her report and left for the night she was hit by a wave of anxiety. What was Kelly going to say? If not for the tiny part of her that needed to be sure Shay was alright, Erin probably wouldn't have stopped by the firehouse. "I'm sorry baby" Erin told Shay as she smoothed her eyebrow a little to minimise the appearance of the cut. Taking a deep breath she walked into the firehouse, she wanted to talk to Kelly before finding Gabby so she headed straight for the squad table.

"Heads up! Ladies incoming" Cruz called as soon as Erin entered the building, she thought it was highly suspicious but knew it wasn't her priority. As she neared the table the cards were scooped off into a fire helmet and hidden under a chair.

"What's up?" Kelly asked jumping out of his seat to welcome his family.

"I'm here to see Gabby but figured I'd fill you in first. Shay had a little bit of an accident and cut her eyebrow" Erin said knowing that if she didn't get it out straight away she wouldn't avoid bringing it up at all.

"Oh baby" Kelly said, leaning down to kiss Shay. "She looks fine, and it's not your fault" He assured before kissing Erin's forehead as well.

"You weren't even there! But thank you" She replied with a nod.

"Dawson was in the kitchen last I saw, when you're done with her we need to talk" Kelly said

"Okay" Erin said hesitantly, 'we need to talk' was rarely followed by a positive.

"It's nothing bad" He laughed watching her carefully.

"Okay" She said with a shrug as she walked off. Gabby was lounging on the couch with Mouch and Pouch watching the news intently. As soon as she saw Erin and Shay she got up.

"God I need baby cuddles" Gabby groaned, she hadn't had a very good day.

"She's not really feeling up to it at the moment, she had a bit of an accident" Erin explained quickly before adjusting the way she was holding Shay so that the cut was visible.

"Poor thing" Gabby said having a closer look. "It really isn't anything to be worried about, it's closed up nicely and as long as she's behaving normally you don't need to be concerned."

"She's a little clingy" Erin added making sure Gabby had all the information she needed for a proper assessment.

"Probably scared herself" Gabby reasoned giving Shay's hand a gentle squeeze.

"Thank you" Erin said, normally she would stay and chat but Kelly's request was on her mind.

"No problem" Gabby said before making her way back to the couch. Erin headed straight back to the squad table, this time they weren't quick enough to clear away their cards.

"Nice" Erin commented noticing the scarcely clothed model on the back of the cards.

"They were a gift" Kelly defended quickly.

"I honestly don't care" She laughed.

"Right, let's go" He said throwing in his cards then leading her outside. They stood in the cool breeze for a few moments, Erin waiting expectantly while Kelly tried to organise his thoughts and phrase things properly. "So you've seen the news yeah?" He questioned.

"I have but you might need to be more specific" Erin answered wondering if she'd missed something.

"The bushfires in Colorado are really bad, they're losing entire towns. The fire department are asking for volunteer teams. I talked to my guys and we voted that we'd put our names down. Nothing has happened yet but I just wanted you to know. I would have discussed it with you first but it was an all or none situation with my squad" Kelly explained with a frown, it had sounded better in his head.

"That's fine, it's your job. I'd feel bad knowing you turned down the opportunity to help people just to hang around with Shay and I. We'd manage without you. Of course I'd rather not have to but… basically what I'm saying is that it's fine!"

"Nothing's official but we'll know more pretty soon" He said reaching across to rub Shay's back, she was slowly drifting to sleep.

"How long would you have to go for?" She asked starting to wonder what she'd agreed to. Having seen the news footage showing the destruction, the scale of the situation was unfathomable. It wouldn't be an easy fire to extinguish.

"I don't know at this point, no less than a week" Kelly answered tentatively.

"No point stressing until we know more. I'm going to head home and get Shay to bed" Erin resolved.

"Okay, I'll see you in the morning" Kelly agreed pulling them both into a quick hug.

"I'll text when she's asleep" Erin assured as she turned to walk away. Kelly watched them drive away then headed back inside.

**Hello! I'm not really sure what the procedure is for bushfires in America but here in Australia we send teams interstate all the time for big fires (which are unfortunately very common – we've had two major bushfires burning most of this week). I picked Colorado because when I googled 'American bushfires' it was the first state to come up, highly creative of me). I look forward to seeing you all again tomorrow :D**


	26. Chapter 26

"Erin?" Kelly called when he arrived home the next morning, the house was quiet so he headed straight upstairs. The last thing he expected to see was Erin still asleep in bed. If he didn't wake her she would be late for work. He watched her for a moment then crossed the room and sat on the bed. Leaning across he pressed his lips to hers then sat back as she started to stir. She opened her eyes, scanned the room then closed them again. "You have to get up, it's six thirty" He said before she could get back to sleep.

"What?" She asked sitting quickly. "My alarm didn't go off" She added as she turned to check her phone, she'd been so preoccupied that she hadn't remembered to plug it in to charge.

"You still have plenty of time to get ready" He replied, surely she could get ready in half an hour.

"No I don't, feeding Shay takes at least twenty minutes" Erin complained getting up and pulling her hair up.

"So don't, you've been talking about stopping for a while" Kelly suggested, he knew he should have kept quiet

"I can't just stop, forget I said anything" She said exasperatedly before leaving him sitting alone in the bedroom. He got up and headed down stairs, making breakfast would be helpful. The truth was he needed to tell Erin he'd heard back from the department, he didn't want to bring it up while she was in a bad mood though. Erin rushed down the stairs fifteen minutes later and handed Shay to Kelly. "Thank you" She managed through a mouthful of toast.

"Do you have five minutes to talk?" He questioned, Erin nodded. "I'm leaving tomorrow morning for ten days in Colorado."

"Oh" She replied unable to stop herself from conveying the sadness she felt, ten days was a long time.

"It's not as long as you think. I'll be back before you miss me" He assured.

"I doubt that. I'll see if I can get this afternoon off, or tomorrow morning" She proposed.

"Alright" He nodded knowing he would be so focused on working he wouldn't have a chance to miss them too much. Erin would no doubt distract herself with work as well. It was Shay he was most worried about leaving, ten days was a long time for her. By the time he returned she would be saying new words and would most likely have taken her first steps. He was reassured by the fact that he had all day with Shay.

"I really have to get going. I'll call at lunchtime to let you know what's happening" Erin said before finishing the remainder of her breakfast.

"We'll be fine!" He called after her as she dashed up the stairs. She took the quickest shower she'd had in years, threw on some clothes then stuffed her pockets with everything she would need.

"Love you both, have fun" She said as she stopped to in the lounge room doorway.

"Love you too. Have a great day and stay safe" Kelly replied as he encouraged Shay to wave. Erin drove in her usual reckless fashion and managed to halve the normally ten minute journey.

"You're late" Halstead teased as she tossed her jacket over the back of her chair.

"Well I'm here now, what's going on?" She asked taking a seat and logging into her computer.

"Nothing much, still keeping an eye out for Jerry Dunn, looking into his connection with the stash of guns and money we found the other day. Olinsky took Ruzek and Atwater to teach them how to fish for a new CI" Halstead informed.

"Got it" Lindsay replied turning her attention to the dozen unread emails that had accumulated overnight. She sorted through the emails then turned her attention to the case at hand. Earlier in the week they had discovered a substantial haul of illegal guns and counterfeit money. All evidence indicated Dunn was planning something big, only they had no idea what it could be. Dunn wasn't the smartest criminal and predicting his next move was particularly complicated. Erin was so caught up she almost forgot to talk to Voight, it was only when the bush fires were mentioned that she recalled. "Are you busy?" She asked as she knocked on the doorframe of Voight's office.

"No, come in. What's up" He questioned immediately.

"I just wanted to see if I could get this afternoon off, or tomorrow morning even. Kelly's flying out to Denver tomorrow to help with the fire. I know I don't have any leave left but I'm sure you can do without me for a few hours"

"You know I don't care about all that paperwork, take this afternoon and tomorrow. A quiet day home with Shay once Kelly's left is probably a good idea. If Dunn makes his move I'll be calling everyone in, weekend or not. It might be the last day off you get in a while." Voight explained. He wanted a fully focused and functioning team, if that meant giving her a day off it was worth it.

"We've just spotted Dunn's car heading south along Mitchell Parade, want us to follow him?" Antonio interrupted with a sharp knock on the door.

"Let's get moving then" Voight announced. "South on Mitchell could be taking him to Arthur Harvey's house, Lindsay and Halstead get there before him. Antonio and I will try and follow him."

"Can I drive?" Halstead asked hopefully as he followed Lindsay out to the parking lot.

"No" She replied with a shake of her head, they'd been working together for a couple of years yet he still asked the same question and received the same response. It wasn't far to Harvey's house so they parked across the street and settled in to keep an eye out for Dunn. Harvey had Dunn always worked together but rarely met face to face. Dunn paying a visit to his old accomplice was a long shot but they'd run out of other leads.

"So how's life?" Halstead questioned.

"Fine" Lindsay replied as she stuffed her phone back in her pocket having texted Kelly.

"I'm really sorry about yesterday, I've just never heard Shay scream like that" He apologised after a few minutes of silence.

"It's fine" She was quick to respond.

"So what's the problem then?" He asked.

"Problem? There is no problem" Lindsay answered trying to remain focused on Harvey's house.

"Sure" Halstead replied, clearly not believing her.

"Seriously" She insisted.

"Okay, you don't have to tell me stuff, it's not as if I'm your partner or anything" He said trying to motivate her to share.

"Jay, if I had a problem you could fix I would tell you. There is no problem" Lindsay answered honestly.

"Whatever" He said turning to face Harvey's house.

"Kelly's going to Colorado for ten days. It's not a problem though, it's his job" She said quickly.

"Still, what are you going to do with Shay?" Halstead wondered aloud.

"I'll have to talk to Cindy, hopefully it won't be a major issue for her to have Shay all week" Lindsay replied though she hadn't put any thought into a backup plan.

"Well I'm happy to take her for an afternoon whenever you need" He said supportively.

"Thanks" She acknowledged as she shifted in her seat to use the side mirror to keep an eye further up the street.

"It's my job as her godparent and your partner" He reminded.

"Is that Dunn's car?" Lindsay questioned suddenly as a dark blue vehicle of the same make and model turned down the road.

"Maybe" Halstead replied wanting to match the plates before they made a move.

"Can't be, it has those stupid family stickers on the back" Lindsay declared the moment the car passed them.

"Yeah the plates don't match" He confirmed. They returned to watching, talking occasionally but mostly focusing on the plain white house. After almost an hour they received a call from Voight telling them to head back to the district, Dunn had continued to drive across the city. He'd stopped at a library and returned a book then made his way home. Unfortunately they couldn't arrest him for failing to pay his library fines. All they could do was watch him drive away and hope that when he did eventually act they'd be there to catch him.

"You can go now" Voight told Erin as soon as she got to the top of the stairs.

"Okay, thanks" She replied before gathering her things and saying goodbye to the rest of the team.

"This isn't fair, you get so many days off" Ruzek complained. Erin didn't bother to reply instead making her way down the stairs. She couldn't help but smile at the thought of a quiet afternoon at home with Shay and Kelly.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sergeant Platt demanded.

"Home" Erin answered simply.

"Why? You have negative leave you realise" Platt questioned.

"Yeah but most of that's because of Shay" She explained.

"I don't actually care, I think it's pretty cool that you balance work and family so well" Platt said with a small smile. Erin opened her mouth to speak but then thought better of it, conversations with Platt rarely made sense.

"Bye" Erin mumbled as she turned and left the building, she was wasting precious time with her family. She couldn't repeat her rapid morning commute and sat in traffic impatiently tapping the steering wheel. When she did finally make it home she was surprised to smell something cooking. "What are you up to?" She questioned as she made her way into the kitchen.

"Making biscuits" Kelly explained.

"Okay" She nodded rounding the bench to inspect his progress. The finished batch looked and smelled good and the ones about to go in the oven were cute animal shapes.

"I was bored and Shay seems to like cooking" He said gesturing to Shay who was sitting on the floor playing with a bowl and spoon. Erin took a biscuit from the cooling rack and took a bite. "That'll be hot" He warned.

"Still good though" She replied through a mouthful of biscuit.

"Are they?" Kelly asked sounding pleased with himself.

"Yeah, haven't you tried one?" Erin questioned before holding out the biscuit for him as he slid the second tray into the oven.

"That is good" He commented.

"Surprised?" She questioned.

"A little, but I followed the recipe exactly so I shouldn't have been" Kelly answered. "How was your day anyway?"

"Pretty good, didn't do much really. You?" Erin said as she picked up Shay to say hello.

"She is so close to walking, she was about to take a step when she fell over this afternoon" He said excitedly.

"Really?" Erin asked knowing that Shay would no doubt start walking the moment Kelly's plane took off.

"Yeah, we'll show Mummy" He replied taking Shay and heading to the lounge room. He placed her down, helped her stand and then let go of her. Shay wobbled a little then gained confidence, she shifted her weight to lift one foot and fell. Kelly caught her and stood her up again.

"Come on baby, you can do it" Erin encouraged crouching across from the pair.

"Ma!" Shay answered as she fell again.

"She's so close" Kelly said, sounding a little frustrated as Shay fell over a third time.

"All she needs is the energy boost of a biscuit and she'll be ready" Erin suggested.

"I hope so, I really don't want to miss it" He said softly.

"You won't, if you aren't here I'll record it on my phone" She assured knowing it was hard enough for him to have agreed to go without the added guilt about missing Shay's first steps.

"Promise?" He asked.

"I promise" She nodded, adding a quick kiss for good measure.

"Let's have some biscuits then" Kelly said as he stood up, taking Shay with him.

"Yum" Shay declared pre-emptively.

"I agree baby, they are yum" Erin smiled. Once the oven was off and the second batch had joined the first to cool they took a few biscuits to the table. They were glad for the high chair when Shay decided to crush her biscuit before eating it, the crumbs mostly caught by the tray. "You can cook any time you want."

"It was actually quite fun" He replied watching as Shay picked up a handful of crumbs and shoved them messily into her mouth.

"Did you get any packing done?" She asked.

"No, I'll do it tonight" He answered, every time he remembered the trip he felt even worse. After their snack they took a walk to the playground and did everything they could think of to motivate Shay to walk. They headed home, each holding one of Shay's hands as she toddled along between them. Erin suggested they let go and see what happened but Kelly didn't want to force it. "She'll do it when she's ready" was his response.

"What do you want for dinner?" Erin asked when they arrived home, she had plenty of time to cook anything he wanted.

"I don't know, whatever" He shrugged.

"Well I'll make some 'whatever' while you go and start packing" She responded.

"Fine" He grumbled. Erin looked to the fridge for inspiration and was soon cooking away while Shay demonstrated her percussive abilities with her bowl and spoon. She called out when dinner was ready and he returned, she had no way of knowing he'd spent the entire time sitting on the end of their bed trying to work out an excuse for his squad. They ate in silence, wanting to make the most of the time they had left together but consumed by their thoughts. After dinner they got Shay to bed then retreated to their room. Erin wasn't pleased to see Kelly hadn't made a start on packing but with her help it didn't take long to get it finished.

"What time does your flight leave?" She asked.

"Ten" He replied, placing his suitcase by the door.

"Plenty of time" She said stepping towards him and wrapping her arms around him.

"I don't want to go" He said holding her tightly.

"Yes you do, you just don't want to leave" Erin replied with a forced laugh. He sighed deeply and stepped back holding her at arms length while taking in every detail of her face.

"I'm going to miss you" Kelly said before kissing her softly.

"I'm going to miss you too, it's ten days. We can do it" She said with a determined look. "You'll have to call me twice a day so I know you're okay. If you don't call or answer I'll get on a plane and come find you."

"Alright" He agreed. They climbed into bed and settled in each others arms. They talked until they ran out of things to say then finally went to sleep.


	27. Chapter 27

Erin and Kelly had both anticipated a sleep in but when their neighbour started his lawnmower at daybreak their plans changed.

"Didn't he do that last weekend?" Kelly demanded as he rolled to face Erin.

"He did" Erin confirmed. Neither had had enough sleep but the lawnmower was too loud to even attempt to get back to sleep.

"Shh…listen" He murmured pressing his finger to his lips for silence. Erin froze, waiting to hear something unusual.

"What?" She mouthed after almost a minute of silence.

"Shay must still be asleep" He answered with a grin she instantly recognised.

"I doubt it, she's probably just entertaining herself" She said

"That's just as good" Kelly replied shifting until he was leaning across Erin's body, so close their mouths were almost touching.

"Good point" She whispered before pulling his mouth to her own. As they kissed Kelly wondered how he was going to survive ten days without her. He resolved that this was his chance to make up for the time they'd be spending apart. Erin was just as eager, delighting in every subtle movement of his lips and tongue. When they finally pulled apart neither could hide their smiles. She kissed him again, biting at his bottom lip as she pushed him until he lay flat. He held her waist firmly, keeping their bodies pressed together. She worked her hands up under his singlet loving the way his muscles tensed under her touch. He groaned softly as she shifted her attention to kissing along his jaw, his stubble rough against her lips. Seeking her lips he followed her into a sitting position finally allowing her to remove his singlet. He pulled off her clothes then awkwardly shuffled out of his pants. Erin couldn't help but laugh. Kelly loved the sound of her laughter but preferred the pressure of her mouth pressed to his so he slid his hand up her back, losing his fingers in her hair in the process of kissing her. The carefully choreographed dance of their tongues something he could never get enough of. It was second only to the pleasure of finally burying himself inside her, her internal muscles instantly responding. She couldn't hold back a moan as she repositioned herself to meet each of his thrusts. Shay's cries would have ruined the moment had they not already been to far gone to care. By they time they regained control of their bodies she'd settled herself giving them time to catch their breath.

"It's going to be the longest ten days of my life" He muttered.

"Positive attitude" She scolded before distracting him with a series of light kisses across his chest.

"I'm trying, you're making it too hard" He groaned, her reaction was to give him a final kiss then disappear into the bathroom. Having showered and dressed they collected Shay from her crib and went downstairs for breakfast together. After a game of hide and seek in the lounge room and a conversation filled with long, heavy pauses Kelly headed upstairs to check he had anything packed and ready. Erin rattled of a list of things he couldn't possibly go without, then checked his bag and was finally satisfied he had his phone charger.

"Time to get to the airport then" She said holding open the baby gate so he could get his suitcase down the stairs.

"I guess its too late to get out of it" He grumbled wondering why he had ever even considered it in the first place.

"Absolutely, you're getting on that plane if I have to carry you" Erin replied sounding much more resolute than she felt.

"I don't think you could carry me, but I have a feeling that I'd better not push it" He said wisely.

"Good idea" She nodded. "You've got everything, I've got Shay and the keys" Erin added as she followed him out the front door.

"If it isn't packed I can either buy it or go without" He assured as he packed the car.

* * *

"Don't expect me to cry" Erin warned as she pulled his suitcase up the curb and onto the footpath. They'd been lucky enough to find a two hour parking space within walking distance of the airport entrance.

"I don't" He replied with a smile as he followed her lead, across the taxi lane and into the airport. Shay squirmed in his arms, demanding to be put down, he improved his grip and followed Erin into the line. They checked his luggage then proceeded to security. Erin took Shay to give Kelly a chance to empty his carry-on bag into the tray. They made it through the metal detector with little fuss and after a random explosives swab of Kelly's bag they were free to roam the airport. The flight didn't leave for another forty-five minutes so they found the correct boarding gate and got comfortable. After a few minutes of simply staring at each other they turned their attention to entertaining Shay. Moving to the large glass window they pointed out the variety of colourful planes to Shay. She didn't seem to care about them very much but her reflection in the glass provided ample amusement. Returning to their seats they spotted the rest of Kelly's squad a few rows away, he waved then turned focused on his family again.

"Not long now" Erin said looking at her phone.

"I know" He nodded looking as if he lacked the motivation to ever move again.

"Dada" Shay added as she used the empty seat between her parents to pull herself up. Kelly reached out and picked her up, giving her a hug as she tugged on his ear.

"We'll be fine, you need to take care of yourself not worry about us" Erin said firmly.

"I'll be careful. I'm always careful these days, I have way too much to lose" He assured as he helped Shay stand on his lap.

"That's a bit mushy, Mr Macho Fireman" She said watching as he kissed each of Shay's little fingers.

"It's fine as long as they don't see" He replied gesturing over his shoulder to the rest of his team, she turned to see them deep in conversation.

"I'm pretty sure they're busy thinking about their own families" Erin answered, the time away was going to be equally difficult for everyone, at least they'd have each other's backs.

"I expect photos of Shay daily, especially if she does something really cute, or has food on her face" He requested.

"Of course, in return I need regular communication" She reminded.

"I promise" He said as the first boarding call for his flight started over the loudspeaker system. Erin felt completely pathetic, rationally she knew he was only going for ten days but emotionally she never wanted to be apart. "If you cry I'll have to cry" He said using a finger to lift her chin and force her to look at him.

"I said I wouldn't and I won't" She assured building up her tough exterior.

"Sooner I go the sooner I get back" Kelly said as he stood, gathering his carry-on bag before lifting Shay. "You be good for Mummy. I love you so much and I'm going to miss you but I'll be back soon" He said to Shay.

"Yes" Shay replied though he didn't know how much she understood.

"Good girl" He added before kissing Shay's head and handing her to Erin. He then wrapped his arms around them both, the hug surpassed the duration of a normal hug but they didn't want to have to let go. "I love you so much, I'll be home as soon as I can" He assured Erin as he breathed in the scent of her shampoo.

"I love you too" Erin nodded as he finally released her. Ignoring the tears that threatened to fall she gave him a quick kiss then pushed him towards the line. He stumbled backwards then straightened himself, turned and walked away. He joined his squad in the line then looked over his shoulder to watch Erin bouncing Shay on her hip.

"Dada" Shay practically yelled as she twisted in her mother's arms.

"It's okay baby, he'll be back soon" Erin soothed despite the fact that she was fighting her own desire to run over and hug him one last time. Kelly lost track of the conversation as he watched Erin struggling to restrain Shay.

"She'll be fine" Newhouse assured, he too was leaving his daughter.

"Yeah I know" Kelly said as he cleared his throat.

"Shay please" Erin pleaded, worried that she'd drop her if she continued to writhe.

"Dada" Shay screamed. Erin wanted to disappear, not only did she feel like her heart was actually breaking but people were starting to stare as well.

"Shay, stop" Erin said firmly but Shay did the complete opposite and Erin was forced to put her down. Shay settled momentarily as she stood up. Kelly had reached the front of the line and was handing his ticket to the attendant when he turned to get one last look at Erin and Shay. Shay waved both her arms so he waved back, loving the big smile on her face when he did so. Erin was so preoccupied trying not to cry as she watched Kelly that she barely noticed Shay starting to move. Shay was more determined than ever, she knew what she wanted and all she had to do was put one foot in front of the other to get it. Kelly watched as Shay ignored the idea of a few practice steps and continued to walk towards him. He started to make his way through the crowd desperate to give Shay a celebratory hug. It wasn't easy to fight his way through the line of fellow travellers, he felt like a fish swimming against the current. Erin followed along behind Shay, not wanting to interfere or put her off.

"UP!" Shay demanded when she finally reached him.

"Come here baby" Kelly answered as he lifted her into the air, he peppered her face with kisses and hugged her tightly. "I have to go now, but thank you" He said after a few moments.

"Now I don't have to worry about not having my phone at the ready" Erin commented as he handed Shay over.

"No but you do have to worry about her escaping" He joked.

"You're going to miss it if you don't go" She said with a look of alarm as she realised everyone else had already boarded.

"I love you both" He reaffirmed before kissing them both and and running to get on the plane.

"That was pretty cool Shay" Erin said as she caught Shay's eye.

"Dada?" Shay questioned, now unable to see him.

"Dada goes bye" She explained moving to the window to watch as the plan taxied down the runway and disappeared out of sight. They watched for a few more minutes then turned and headed back to the car. Erin had secured Shay and climbed into the drivers seat before reality finally hit her and she could no longer hold in the tears. She was alone with Shay and would be for ten long days. Erin barely noticed when her phone started ringing but she retrieved it and answered automatically.

"Erin, any chance you're still at the airport?" Voight questioned urgently.

"Yeah, why?" She asked.

"We've just found some bodies and Powell has Dunn's car headed in your direction we think he's trying to run. You need to stop him from boarding a plane" Voight explained.

"What? How? I have Shay" Erin said already knowing her presence was useless if she had to take Shay.

"Just get to the security office and get them to keep an eye out for him" He instructed.

"I'll try" She agreed already unclipping her seatbelt. Getting into the security office turned out to be the major challenge, she had her ID card but no badge. It wasn't until she had Voight confirm her identity over the phone that she was finally allowed in. She passed around her phone with a photo of Jerry Dunn then stood in front of the bank of screens playing live security camera footage waiting for him to arrive. The moment he did she had some uniforms and two airport security guys stop him. They escorted him to a customs interview room then waited for the intelligence unit to arrive.

"You okay?" was Halsteads first question when he saw his partner.

"I'm fine" She replied wondering if it was that obvious she'd been crying. He stood with her to wait while Voight and Olinsky did some preliminary questioning.

"Thank you. I'm sorry to mess up your day" Voight said when he returned from the interview room a little while later.

"You going to take him back and get a confession?" She questioned with a nod in Dunn's direction.

"If I'm lucky, we have enough DNA to put him away so a confession isn't necessary. Enough about work, you should go" He explained before realising what she was doing, trying to distract herself with the case.

"Can Shay show you something first?" Erin asked.

"Of course, what's she doing now?" He asked as Erin lowered Shay to the ground and stood her up. It took a lot of encouragement but eventually Shay connected walking and celebration. Once she'd demonstrated her abilities for the entire unit Erin wished them luck and made her way back to the car. Shay was asleep by the time they got home so Erin settled into bed to read while Shay slept peacefully beside her.

**You didn't really think I'd let Kelly leave without a little loving did you?! I mightn't be the best at writing it but I'm trying really hard to improve. This probably sounds ridiculous but I sat there crying as I wrote the boarding scene... Anyway I hope you enjoyed this and I'll see you again tomorrow :D **


	28. Chapter 28

It was the small things that got to Erin most. The absence of Kelly's toothbrush in the bathroom, the way the lid on the milk wasn't screwed on crooked, the remote on the coffee table instead of between the couch cushions, all things Erin had become accustomed to. His plane wouldn't have even have landed yet and she was already finding it hard to live without him. Shay woke up from her nap in a great mood, ready to refine her new ability to walk and cheer up her mother. Erin was getting ready to take Shay to the park when she remembered that she really ought to contact Cindy. Putting off their walk she packed some of Kelly's biscuits and made the short trip over to the Herrmann's house.

"ERIN!" Josie yelled when she pulled open the door.

"Hey Josie, is your mummy home?" Erin enquired as she followed Josie into the house.

"She's in the kitchen!" Josie answered before running off to wrestle her princess doll from her little brother.

"Erin, I thought I heard someone knocking" Cindy said as she shook her head and continued kneading dough on the bench.

"Josie let me in" Erin explained placing the container of biscuits on the bench before lowering Shay to the ground.

"She invited the postman in the other day too" Cindy said with a laugh.

"Well that's nice of her" Erin replied watching as Cindy divided the dough into portions.

"It was interesting. Anyway, what's going on?" Cindy questioned looking from the container of biscuits to Erin.

"Well I need to talk to you about this week and I thought it might help if I bribed you with biscuits" Erin answered honestly.

"Chris mentioned that the squad were flying out, everyone's pulling extra shifts to cover them. Including me! Not that a day with Shay is anything like a shift" Cindy assured.

"Are you sure? It's not as if you don't already have your hands full" Erin asked knowing biscuits weren't particularly helpful.

"I'm certain, it's the least I can do when you're off keeping us all safe" Cindy answered ignoring Erin's protesting shrug.

"Well we don't have a case at the moment so unless something big comes in I should be done by three" Erin said, deflecting the attention away from herself.

"Dropping her off at the district saves you the trip, and we're already driving past so it's no issue. It'll just be five days instead of three, too easy" Cindy said.

"Oh! I forgot to tell you, she started walking this morning" Erin announced when she realised she'd skipped the most important news.

"Really? Gosh she's getting so big" Cindy replied as she washed her hands.

"Shay, do you want to show Cindy you can walk?" Erin asked, Shay had been playing with Erin's shoe laces but at the mention of her name she looked up and smiled. Erin lifted her onto her feet and Cindy rounded the kitchen bench to get a better view. With a confident smile Shay took a few steps using her arms like a tightrope walker to balance. As soon as she received the praise she desired she sat down and crawled to the toy car she had spotted on the floor.

"That's great, makes life more interesting though" Cindy laughed remembering each one of her children's first steps. "Oh, did Kelly get to see it?" She asked with a gasp.

"Yeah" Erin mumbled thinking back to the precious moment in the airport.

"I'm sorry, it must be hard without him. How long is he gone?" Cindy asked hoping to remind Erin that he'd be back soon enough.

"Ten days" Erin answered.

"Well with all the relief crews flying in it could be sooner, from what I've seen on the news it doesn't look like there's much left to burn" Cindy said as she gave Erin a supportive pat on the shoulder.

"Yeah, maybe" Erin nodded, she knew Cindy was trying to help.

"You've got a three day weekend, what are you going to do?"

"I don't have anything planned but I'm sure I'll find something to do around the house"

"Okay, I've got to get going but feel free to drop around if you're feeling lonely" Cindy said putting the dough in the fridge then moving through to the lounge room to sort out Kenny and Josie.

"Of course, thanks" Erin said as she collected Shay then started making her way to the front door.

* * *

Every second on the plane meant he was getting further and further from Erin and Shay. Trying desperately to take his mind off his family he tried to join in the card game the rest of the squad were playing, spread across three rows of seats it was particularly difficult to keep track.

"Severide, your turn again" Newhouse said as he gave Kelly a shove.

"Right, sorry" Kelly said snapping back into reality. He managed to finish the game then shoved on some headphones and lay back for a while. The in-flight entertainment system was playing a comedy Kelly had seen before, it was better than dwelling on how much he wanted to turn the plane around.

"Is there anything I can get you?" The flight attendant asked as she approached, making eye contact with Kelly alone.

"Uh, no thanks" He replied taking off the headphones.

"Are you sure? The Pilot says we're supposed to give you guys anything you want" She said as she leaned further forward, guaranteeing him a good view of her cleavage. With a highly suggestive smile she lay a hand on his shoulder.

"Certain" He snapped, she recoiled hastily with a disapproving look then rushed off down the aisle.

"Rude" Newhouse said, punctuating it with his elbow.

"Well she wasn't just offering peanuts and I'm not interested" Kelly defended.

"You don't say!" Newhouse replied.

"Shut up" Kelly groaned.

"Look none of us want to be here" Newhouse reminded.

"What's the problem? You wanna swap seats so she asks you next time?" Kelly demanded though he knew it was a low blow.

"No, just be nice. She has no way of knowing you've got a family" Newhouse said before putting his own headphones on and ignoring the look Kelly gave him. Thankfully it wasn't long before the plane landed and they bustled through the airport. Once they'd collected their luggage they piled into a minivan for the two hour drive to the nearest fire command outpost. Again the squad guys started up a game of cards, this time Kelly sat out, using calling Erin as an excuse. Though they both desperately wanted to stay on the phone forever they kept it brief agreeing to speak again soon. Kelly relaxed and looked out the window.

"Hey Severide you planning on proposing anytime soon?" Capp asked all of a sudden.

"What?" He asked, he hadn't been following the conversation so the mention of his name followed by such a presumptuous question shocked him.

"I just need to know how much I can afford to lose in this" Capp answered.

"Are you guys betting on me marrying Erin?" He questioned still not sure he was following.

"Yeah we've been betting on when you'll propose, I have to say this trip is conveniently timed" Capp said with a smile.

"Really, when have you bet?" Kelly asked.

"I'm not that stupid" Capp laughed.

"Seriously though you're wasting your money she'd never agree" Kelly affirmed.

"Or you're just too scared to ask" Newhouse suggested.

"There would be no point in asking, she wouldn't say yes. Anyway who are you to talk?" Kelly said firmly hoping it was the end of the conversation. The fact that he was their superior didn't seem to stop them from speaking their minds, usually he liked the way rank was irrelevant.

"That is the point though, you don't know for sure until you ask. Women love that" Their driver added.

"He's right man" Newhouse agreed.

"Just get on with playing and leave me and Erin out of it" Kelly said before turning to look out the window. Kelly suddenly had a lot to think about.

* * *

The weekend was over in no time. Kelly got stuck into work, as long as the sun was up he was out trying to contain the blaze. Erin on the other hand quickly ran out of things to do around the house and resorted to binge watching a crime drama. They spoke as often as his work permitted. Shay had started calling the phone Dada and got excited whenever it rang. Erin had started to realise that she was wasting perfectly good time with Shay but lacked the motivation to do much more than join in her stacking and sorting game. Returning to work was a welcome relief. The unit didn't get a case until Wednesday but filled their free time by pitching in on a series of narcotics raids. Voight was particularly lenient and made sure Erin was always free to go as soon as Shay was dropped off. Erin formulated an afternoon routine with Shay that involved stopping by a local park to feed the ducks. Shay's feeding strategy was to simply throw bread at anything that moved, thankfully the ducks were used to it. Shay would then sleep in the car on the way home ready to play for the rest of the afternoon. Erin had discovered Shay's love for puzzles so they worked together to order the large colourful pieces then take them apart in half the time. When they'd exhausted their supply of puzzles they would prepare dinner, wait for Kelly to call then after speaking to her dad Shay would have her bath and go to bed. Erin would settle in to bed and prepare to do it all again the next day.

**Just a little calm before the storm, thanks for reading - tomorrow will be better I promise, I ran out of time today :/**

**I just need to give you a little heads up that not only do I have an assignment due soon but I will also be going away on holidays for a week (starting the 19th). I will hopefully have plenty of time to write but I'm not sure if I'll have a reliable internet connection - I'll do my best but you'll just have to be patient :D**


	29. Chapter 29

Kelly quickly realised how good his job as a city firefighter was. In rural Colorado he faced the added pressure of attempting to save livestock. Having completely lost track of days all he could do was focus on saving the property. Trudging through a field of crunchy, dry grass he came to the conclusion it wouldn't be an easy task. The squad had just acquired a tractor from the farmer, assured him they would do everything they could then watched as he drove away with his wife, kids and as many possessions as would fit in the car. It had been heartbreaking to think that not only did they have nowhere to go but also that it was likely they would never see their home again. Kelly had known that all the buildings they had tried to save over the last week meant something to someone but seeing it first-hand increased his determination tenfold. Unfortunately of all the jobs they had been to this house was possibly in the worst position. The house and a number of outbuildings sat in the valley between two hills, the surrounding pasture used to raise cattle, all incredibly dry and highly flammable. The fire was approaching from the south, over the hill to the left of the house. Squad three were about halfway up the hill, where it levelled out a little and a dam had been dug. Using the digger attachment of the tractor and shovels they were able to dig a substantial fire break. As they worked the smoke in the air thickened and eventually the glow of the coming fire could be seen over the crest of the hill. On their way back down to the homestead they did their best to heard the cattle into the yard nearest the house, the animals wild with fright.

"Get on the radio and see what's going on with the wind" Kelly instructed as they took a quick break to rehydrate. They got straight back to work attaching pumps and hoses to the various rainwater tanks scattered across the property. They had already back-burned a section on the other side of the hill but by the look of things it had done little to slow the blaze. The glow over the hill grew brighter then finally flames burst into sight, hungry for anything and everything in their path.

"Winds changing, it's going to blow the fire up behind the house" Capp informed as soon as he returned from the modified pickup truck.

"Okay, that'll be our main front then" Severide replied urging his men prepare for the battle they were about to face. Everyone knew what they had to do so they kicked into action, soaking the trees and gardens around the house, filling the gutters with water and covering anything that would be easily set alight by embers. The fire came into view, both to the side and back of the house. Kelly and his men made their final preparations and donned their protective gear. In no time the fire was consuming the furthest fence, then the second furthest and finally the closest. "Newhouse, mist it to keep the embers down" Kelly instructed as he checked over his own hose one last time. As soon as the fire was in range of their hoses they blasted it with water, Kelly was constantly conscious of the limited supply they had. The fire started to sputter and lose ground initially but the gusting wind whipped it towards the house. Tony's rainwater tank had run out and soon the tree he had been protecting was consumed by spiralling flames. Now the embers became their enemy forcing them to split up into two teams, those combatting the fire and those extinguishing the spot fires that started in the house yard. It wasn't until the plastic furniture on the back deck started to melt that Kelly realised just how hot it was getting. Looking around he realised that the sky had darkened considerably, rather than heavy clouds to bring relief it indicated another fire approaching.

"Tony, take Capp's hose, we need an update on the Banks street fire, if it's coming this way we're going to need to leave" Kelly yelled over the roar of the fire which was slowly fighting back.

"Sure thing" Capp acknowledged running to execute the order. If the fire they were currently fighting converged with the Banks street fire they would lose not only this property but all the other properties right up to the river that ran through the small town five miles away. There just wasn't enough water available.

"I can't get through to the Bank street crew, command can't either, they want us to abandon this and go find them" Capp informed a few minutes later.

"Alright, go through the house and open the windows, we'll soak it and run" Kelly commanded though he knew it wouldn't hold the fire off for long.

"Some of us could stay here" Newhouse suggested when he was let in on the plan.

"No way, we stick together" Kelly said as he turned the hose on the house, ruining the family's possessions with water in order to save them from fire was contradictory. They emptied the rainwater tanks then piled themselves and their equipment into the pickup and headed back the main road. They passed dozens of cars packed with people, animals and possessions fleeing. Banks street was normally a fifteen minute drive away, they made it in ten. The whole area was burned and blackened. It didn't take long to find the pickup the crew had been in, it was still burning on the side of the road. Kelly and his men got out and checked the car, there was no sign anyone had been in it when it burned. They made their way to the nearest house, now a smouldering ruin.

"Severide, over there" Tony pointed and the entire team broke into a run, there were four sets of fire resistant clothing scattered around at the base of a massive rain water tank.

"They must be in there" Newhouse suggested softly, it wasn't a conscious decision to lower his voice. Nobody knew why they had stopped yelling but as they moved around the tank towards the opening they were all wondering what they were about to see. Kelly took the lead, it was his job to delegate, this was something he needed to see for himself. He climbed onto the rainwater tank using a pallet as a ladder and peered down into the darkness.

"Thank god!" followed by a number of cheers was all Kelly heard.

"Fire's gone" Kelly said brightly lowering himself over the opening so he could get a better look, five half clothed, soot smeared men stood up to their chests in the water. Two supporting the oldest man, who looked badly burned.

"We climbed in here to get away from it, it got pretty hot but we're still alive, Dean is pretty badly burned. We're stuck" one of the men supporting Dean said squinting up at Kelly.

"Go get the ladder" Kelly yelled turning to look at his men, after a brief conversation with the rest of his men Kelly and Capp set about putting the ladder in place. Soon it was just Dean and the fireman who'd spoken up left, they didn't have any option but to haul Dean out with a rope. It was evident Dean had somehow ended up trapped, even his fire retardant jacket was badly singed, the sleeves melted to his burned flesh. In the light of day Kelly was able to make a quick assessment of Dean's condition, they didn't have very long to get him to a hospital. Capp had already gone to the trouble of radioing the command center to let them know what was going on. They had to leave one of their pumps behind and even then there was barely enough room for everybody. Kelly couldn't help but think back to the farm they had left, there was still a chance they could save it if they returned. Command had dispatched an ambulance, a fire truck and two more mini crews, Kelly hoped their paths would cross before they reached the turn off to the farm. He allowed himself to be hopeful, especially since they were driving so slowly because of their extra passengers.

"Is that another fire?" Newhouse questioned pointing out to the west.

"Yeah" Kelly replied trying to ignore the growing realisation that nothing he was doing was making any difference. There was still no sign of company as they reached the flat stretch of road before the turn off to the farm. As he neared it he decelerated having finally come to a decision. "We're going to leave you guys here, keep driving until you meet the ambulance" Kelly instructed Louie, the man who had taken command of the second team.

"Really?" Capp questioned as he climbed off the back of the pickup to follow Kelly and the rest of the squad.

"Yeah, you two bring a pump, we'll run ahead and see what we can do" Kelly confirmed as he started at a light jog down the road, not before grabbing a hose and throwing it over his shoulder. It was a considerable distance to run, especially when every breath was a fight against the smoke and every step restricted by the heavy protective clothing. Kelly was more determined than he had ever been, every time he felt like stopping to walk he remembered the farmers daughters tiny face pressed up against the glass of the car window, fear in her eyes. He broke into a run when the house came into view, still standing with the fire raging on three sides. The trees were all on fire as were the living room curtains, they had arrived just in time. Kelly didn't need to give commands, the team knew instinctively what to do. The hose was connected to the only rainwater tank with a pump, the water pressure was pathetic but better than nothing. Capp and Tony took their time to arrive with the pump but joined in straight away. They had managed to put out the fire all the way back to the first fence when they realised they were in serious trouble. The fire they had spotted while driving was moving much faster than they had anticipated, it was now making its way along the driveway. If they didn't act quickly they would be surrounded.

* * *

Erin's day started off completely ordinarily. She had dropped Shay off with Cindy and proceeded to work as usual. Halstead had bought coffee and placed it on her desk as had become custom. Erin thanked him and set about drinking it while going through her emails. The morning passed quickly though they little progress on their case. An international university student had gone missing three days ago and there was still no sign of her. Elka Ilan was a popular and high achieving but none of her friends had any idea where she'd disappeared to. It was completely uncharacteristic for her to go anywhere alone which led to the suspicion that something more sinister might have happened. Erin had been selected to keep in contact with the morgue in order to check any unidentified bodies matching Elka's description. They had thousands of pictures from her various social media accounts but they didn't give any clues as to where she could be. After some minor issues getting her circle of friends to cooperate they ruled out the most recent boyfriend stealing drama they were able to rule them out. It left them very little to go on. The case had essentially stalled leaving Erin a lot of time to wonder what Kelly was up to. She was about to send him a message when Voight emerged from his office and asked her to accompany him to meet with a CI.

"So where are we going?" She enquired as she got into the car, the only time Erin didn't bother to question being a passenger was when Voight was driving.

"A crack house just off the university campus. I used to have a CI, today she calls me out of the blue and says she knows something about Elka. At this point anything is worth checking out" Voight explained.

"That's odd, you don't think she just wants money" Lindsay questioned.

"Probably" He answered gruffly, Lindsay suspected there was more to it then he was letting on but didn't bother to press it. If he wanted her to know he'd tell her, if he didn't then nothing she said would change his mind. "Stay here" He instructed when they arrived.

"No" Lindsay protested, shoving the car door open before he could lock her in. She followed him into the yard. The house was beyond decrepit, the rotten front stairs made getting to the landing interesting but they managed. Voight knocked twice then waited patiently.

"Keep your mouth shut" He warned as they were finally let into the house by a brunette woman, not much older than Lindsay. They moved through the house to a back room that was obviously used to deal drugs. The first think Lindsay noticed was the gun on the coffee table.

"Hank, it's lovely to see you" the woman said as she flopped onto the peeling faux leather couch. Lindsay was shocked to hear her refer to him by his first name, not many people had the nerve.

"Gemma" Voight replied.

"Not glad to see me are you?" Gemma questioned with a very fake sad look.

"No. What do you know about the missing student?" He asked expectantly.

"How much have you got?" Gemma questioned as her eyes trailed to his jacket pocket, Lindsay knew there was a considerable amount of cash stored there.

"Do we have to do this every time? I pay you what I think is reasonable based on the information you provide"

"Fine" Gemma sighed. "I saw Elka the other night walking across the courtyard with her brother.

"Her brother?" Voight asked, nothing in their investigation had made them suspect her family, they had assumed they weren't even in the country.

"Yeah, her brother Otto, I only recognised him because she was showing off pictures of him at a party a few months back" Gemma said with a smug smile. Lindsay wondered what a person her age was doing hanging around at university parties, she suspected it was probably where she earned her income selling drugs. Then Lindsay was forced to questioned whether this was where she would have ended up without Voight.

"Okay, where were they going?" He asked.

"I don't know" Gemma shrugged.

"Alright, thanks" Voight said handing her a hundred dollars.

"Seriously? You have to be kidding!" Gemma said waving the money around.

"You haven't given us much to work with" Voight justified as he handed her another fifty, he knew she was just going to spend the money on drugs. That was why he's stopped calling her in the first place, the more desperate she became the more she had lied, drugs had consumed any desire to help put criminals behind bars.

"Its more than you had before" Gemma snapped.

"Sure, thanks" Voight said as he turned to leave, Lindsay hesitated. In a second it became clear that Gemma wasn't going to let it go, she reached forward and picked up the gun that had been laying in front of her the entire time. Lindsay was quick to react drawing her gun and yelling for Gemma to put it down. Voight had spun back around though he hadn't had even started to reach for his gun when Gemma pulled the trigger. He hit the floor with a thud and then there was silence. Gemma realised what she had done and started to panic, it gave Lindsay the opportunity to hit the gun out of her hands. Now that Gemma was unarmed it was a simple task to cuff her.

"Don't move" Lindsay growled before turning to see Voight, bright red blood spilling onto the hardwood floors. Why had they chosen not to wear vests? "Hank, are you okay" Lindsay croaked as she crouched over him, applying pressure to the bullet wound.

"I wasn't fast enough" He replied still struggling to process that he had actually been shot.

"You'll be fine" Lindsay comforted as she pulled out her phone, wiping her bloody hand on her jeans before dialling 911. "They're on their way" She added only to see that he had lost consciousness. Despite her best efforts to stem the flow he continued to bleed, already far too pale. Lindsay knew he was dying, she wanted to yell at him and cry and hurt Gemma all at once but instead she pressed harder and prayed, it was the only thing left that might help.

**A double cliffhanger! Will Kelly and his squad manage to escape the fire that is surrounding them? Will Voight survive? You'll just have to wait and see tomorrow!**

**I had a little difficulty writing this because the Squad 3 guys haven't actually been named on the show (just Capp, Newhouse and Tony)...there are two other guys there but I didn't want to suddenly make up names for them and confuse you - they aren't particularly vital to the storyline anyway :D**

**I tried to Americanize as much as possible but I'm not sure if I should have made it a college instead of a university...I don't understand the difference (we don't really have colleges in Australia). **


	30. Chapter 30

"In here" Erin yelled when she heard voices at the front of the house. It felt like she had been holding Voight together for hours. He was still bleeding profusely, strangely it gave Erin hope, if he was still bleeding and breathing he was still alive. Even if it was only barely.

"Move" The paramedic instructed as he pushed Erin aside, she stood and stepped back. The grim faced paramedics started to load Voight onto the backboard, speaking softly and swiftly to each other. Erin desperately wanted to ask if he was going to be okay but she didn't want to distract them from their job. They lifted him and started making their way to the front door. Erin had just started to follow them when the paramedic turned on her. "You can't just leave her here" He said firmly using his head to gesture at Gemma who was crouched down in the corner looking horrified. Even in her frazzled state Erin couldn't argue, she needed to get Gemma to the district.

"Where are you taking him?" Erin called after the paramedics.

"Lakeshore" He replied casually. The sirens had already started to fade when Erin snapped into action. She grabbed Gemma and rushed out to the car. It wasn't until Erin slammed the car door shut that she realised she didn't have the keys. Unable to think rationally she pulled Gemma out of the car then walked her to the nearest intersection. She was able to stop and commandeer a car, happy to finally be making progress. Her plan involved shoving Gemma out of the car as soon as they got to the district then rushing to the hospital at full speed. Everything was going smoothly until the lights of a patrol car flashed in the rear view mirror.

"Are you kidding me?" Erin said to herself as she pulled over and promptly got out of the car.

"Ma'am get back in the car" The police officer called through the window.

"I'm police" Erin replied pressing her badge to his window.

"Oh, sorry" He apologised. Erin knew a snarky comment wouldn't help so she got back into the car and continued to drive recklessly until they reached District 21. There weren't any parking spaces so she simply stopped the car in the middle of the road, dragged Gemma up the stairs and handed her to the first uniform she saw, Burgess.

"Lindsay? What's going on?" Burgess asked pushing Gemma upright again, Erin hadn't exactly been gentle in the exchange. Nor did the detective look at all collected, still covered in blood.

"She shot Voight" Erin replied feeling numb as the words spilled from her mouth without any real thought behind them. She didn't stick around to explain instead rushing back outside to the car. After performing the most awkward three point turn ever she was back on track. Stuck at a red light she had a moment to reflect, none of her choices had been particularly logical. She could have handed Gemma to the patrolmen that pulled her over or swapped cars at the district for one with lights and sirens. Either option would have had her at the hospital faster. As soon as the light turned green Erin sped on. After parking properly she rushed into the hospital only to find herself at a loss for words when she reached the nurses station. "Voigh, Hank Voight. He was shot" Erin managed after a few moments.

"I'll have to check but I'm pretty sure he's in surgery" The nurse said getting up and disappearing out of view. Erin paced back and forth while she waited for the nurse to return. "He's in surgery but the doctor who treated him is happy to speak with you. If you just take a seat in the waiting room Doctor Atkins will be through in a little while" The nurse informed. Erin nodded in acknowledgement and proceeded into the waiting room. It was surprisingly empty, a few people sat talking quietly in the corner completely absorbed in their own medical drama. Erin couldn't bear to sit so she continued to pace restlessly.

"I was Mr Voight's doctor" A man said as he approached Erin, slightly alarmed by the sheer quantity of blood on her hands and clothing.

"Oh he's my…" She paused trying to work out what descriptor to use "boss" she settled on.

"Well he's honestly very lucky to have made it to the hospital alive, he's lost a lot of blood, the bullet nicked his aorta. I don't want to give you false hope, it's a miracle he's made it to surgery. It'll be complicated but the best cardiac surgeon in the city is fighting for him" Dr Atkins explained unsure if he should have made Erin sit down.

"Okay" Erin answered processing the information carefully.

"I have to go, but if you need anything just ask one of the nurses" Dr Atkins said turning to walk away. He took a step and the stopped to look back at her "you might want to wash your hands" he suggested. Erin nodded mindlessly and looked down, not only were her hands covered in dried blood, they were shaking more than ever before. Feeling suddenly light headed she slid into the nearest chair staring up at the ceiling as she took slow, deep breaths. She closed her eyes for a few seconds trying desperately to fight the rising urge to vomit. When she opened them the rest of the intelligence unit stood before her looking stunned and expectant.

"He's in surgery" Erin announced quickly watching as relief flooded their faces.

"What the hell happened?" Olinsky demanded.

"I don't know, she just shot him" Erin said after a long pause, there wasn't much to explain, it had been a completely irrational act.

"Have you talked to a doctor? What did they say?" Ruzek questioned unable to contain his childlike curiosity any longer.

"It's not good, he's lucky to have made it to the hospital at all" She answered blankly, if she didn't connect the words to their meanings it didn't hurt as much.

"I just can't believe it" Antonio commented as he took a seat opposite Erin.

"Believe it" Erin snapped holding up her hands as proof, it was a completely unnecessary contribution but her brain wasn't functioning properly. There was too much at stake. Voight had saved her life now there was nothing more she could do to save his.

"Come on" Halstead said grabbing her by the arm and pulling her to her feet. Erin didn't have the will power to fight him as he led her across the waiting room and into the disabled bathroom. She stood in front of the basin watching herself in the mirror as Halstead washed the blood from her hands. The stoic looking Erin in the mirror failed to convey the maelstrom of emotions she was experiencing.

* * *

Kelly was facing an entirely different set of emotions, though no less intense. Leaves from the trees rained down, tiny bursts of fire falling from the sky, setting everything they touched alight. Beautiful but deadly. Kelly had led his men into a death trap, for nothing more than a house. The fire surged towards them from every direction.

"What are we going to do?" Newhouse asked, for the first time since they'd arrived in Colorado he was questioning whether or not he would make it out alive.

"How much water do we have?" Kelly questioned. He needed all the information before he could formulate a plan.

"Not enough" Newhouse yelled back.

"How much?" Kelly insisted.

"Those two are half full, the smaller one is nearly out" Newhouse answered though he had already come to the conclusion that their only option was to evacuate, if they could fight their way through the fire.

"If we sacrifice the barn and sheds we should be able to save the house" Kelly commented, more to himself than the rest of his squad. Feeling deeply conflicted he took a moment to think, not that it was easy, his mind swirling as the smoke thickened. He was committed to saving the house, for the little girl who reminded him so much of the little girl he had waiting at home. It was illogical and a long shot at best, he was willing to risk his life for the house but he couldn't condemn his men. Unable to resolve the internal debate he called his men in and held a brief meeting. Just as he expected they refused to leave unless he did.

"Our best bet is to head back up the hill to the dam, past there it's already burned out so we'll just have to walk along the top of the hill to the road" Capp contributed receiving nods of agreement from the other men.

"Alright that's what we do then" Kelly said with a sigh, all the training in the world couldn't protect him against diminished confidence in his own judgement. If his squad thought fighting their way out to the south was the best option he had to trust their combined judgement over his own. They got to work joining hoses to run them to the southern boundary of the house yard. The thick hedge that had once lined the fence was now a raging inferno. It would be a waste of water to put it out so they simply moved further down the fence until they reached the gate they had driven the tractor through only hours earlier, it seemed like years.

"Kelly, man the pump" Newhouse ordered experimentally. Kelly, having given up on his ability to lead, was quick to execute the order. He let the job of monitoring the water pressure gauge consume him. It was a truly strange sound that woke him from his reverie. Snapping his head round he wondered how he could have become so focused on the tiny needle of the pressure gauge that he had missed the barn catching fire. The noise came from the barn, louder and more desperate now. Before he knew what he was doing he had started to run towards the burning structure. Kelly pulled the barn doors open but stopped in his tracks as the thick, dark smoke billowed out. As soon as it ceased dispersing he plunged into the darkness. He'd have given anything for the mask and oxygen tank he took for granted as a city firefighter. Now that he could see he was able to identify the noise, a large brown dairy cow trapped in the back corner of the barn. Having untied her lead rope Kelly fully expected her to be able to lead her out into the open. Even with her lift at stake she stubbornly refused to step over the fallen beam. Kelly gave her a sharp slap on the side but she wouldn't budge. The hay in the loft was burning, sending embers raining down on Kelly and the cow. Pulling his hands up into his sleeves to protect them he bent and dragged the beam a little, creating a path for the cow. He stood stunned as she immediately rushed past him out into the open. Kelly quickly moved to follow her lead, he would have succeeded if the loft hadn't collapsed at that exact moment.

"This is all my fault" Erin mumbled. They had barely been waiting for an hour but they had already exhausted every avenue of conversation, none of it meant anything anyway. All that mattered, to Erin at least, was Voight's survival.

"Don't be stupid" Halstead was quick to reply. No one else had heard her but would surely have said the same thing.

"You weren't there. I noticed the gun, just lying there, loaded and everything. But I didn't do anything about it" She snapped placing her feet back on the floor, she had been sitting with her knees curled up to her chest.

"He probably saw it too" Halstead assured.

"I was his backup" She argued.

"Erin you can't change it" He groaned. Erin knew he was right but blaming herself was something to do, it made waiting less painful, redirecting the emotion to hating herself. The silence consumed them again. It wasn't until her phone vibrated, using the last of its charge to inform her that it had run out of battery, that she was able to pull herself together for a moment. She quickly borrowed Halsteads phone and checked the time, dialling from memory she had Cindy on the phone in seconds.

"My boss has been shot, we're all waiting at the hospital. Can you keep Shay for the afternoon?" Erin explained before they had the chance to exchange greetings. Cindy was quite shocked by how unaffected Erin sounded but quickly agreed to continue to look after Shay for as long as was necessary. Now that Erin had stopped to think about Shay she couldn't stop it from also wondering what Kelly was up to. Erin hoped that he was having a better day than she was.

* * *

It took the squad no time to realise that the loud collapse inside the barn and the disappearance of their Lieutenant were connected. They had been to focused fighting the flames to notice the appearance of the dairy cow, now it suddenly all made sense. Turning their hoses on the building they rushed in and quickly spotted a boot sticking out from beneath the burning straw and wood. They were able to pull most of the debris off him, all but a large support beam that was crushing his leg. A blow to the head had rendered Kelly temporarily unconscious.

"We've got to lift it off him" Capp yelled as he looked up to see the barn starting to crumble around them, they didn't have time to mess around.

"How" Newhouse demanded, it was the main central beam, twice as thick as any of the others. Twice as heavy as well.

"We'll take this end, Tony you grab Severide and get ready to pull" Capp instructed, having taken momentary command given his considerable time on the squad. The men got into position then started to lift.

"This is impossible" Newhouse grunted lifting with all his might.

"No it isn't" Capp yelled and with one final burst of energy they managed to get the beam high enough for Tony to drag Kelly out. Newhouse had done serious damage to his shoulder in the process but knew there wasn't time to complain. They still had to get out of the barn before it collapsed in on them. They hauled Kelly out and left him laying alongside the rain water tank before they set about making back the ground they had lost.

The world swirled into focus, massive dark clouds of smoke all that Kelly could see when he came to. It took a moment for him to remember exactly what had happened, when he did he shook his head at his own stupidity. The movement sent his already concussed brain into overdrive, he quickly lost what was left of his breakfast. Feeling better with an empty stomach he pushed himself up and sat against the rainwater tank to assess his surroundings. The barn had fallen in on itself. The cow he had rescued stood at the side of the house, watching him and the other firemen cautiously. His squad had done well in his absence, making considerable ground. Feeling like he needed to make it up to them he tried to stand, both his brain and leg sent enough pain signals to make him realise it wasn't possible.

"You're back" Newhouse commented as he ran to check the pump after a sudden drop in pressure.

"Yeah, sorry and thanks I think" Kelly responded as the pump sputtered again. Newhouse fiddled with a valve then set off back to the front line to see if this alteration had any effect. He was back again seconds later. "Did you hurt yourself?" Kelly asked realising Newhouse was using his non-dominant hand to fix the pump.

"You just happened to be crushed under the heaviest beam" Newhouse said, Kelly was entirely to blame for his injured shoulder but at the same time it wasn't as if they'd had a choice.

"Sorry. Hows it going?" Kelly asked, if he'd been able to stand up he would be have seen that they'd worked the fire down to a twenty foot section between them and the scorched field.

"Almost there, if this would just work" Newhouse grunted as he gave the pump a forceful kick, it burst back to life for a second then died completely.

"What did you do?" Capp shouted running back along the hose. They assessed the pump, now completely useless, then realised it didn't matter. The water had run out.

"This is going to sound crazy but I say we jump into the tractor and drive through it" Tony suggested.

"That's completely insane, but it's also our only option" Kelly realised as he calculated the potential outcome.

"Lets do it" Capp enthused running off to get the tractor. They helped Kelly in, squeezing him behind the seat then all filled in around him. Capp, who had elected to drive, only had a very limited section of windscreen to see through. It was enough to see that they didn't have long, the fire was starting to dry the grass they had soaked. They reached the edge of the fire and Capp floored it, not that it did much in the cumbersome machine. The temperature rose instantly becoming almost unbearable right as they burst out the other side of the fire. Continuing to drive up the hill until they reached the dam and ditch they had worked on first thing in the morning. Climbing out of the tractor they couldn't contain their hysterical laughter, the red paint had blistered and the tyres had melted but the tractor had still saved their lives. Watching as the fire finally consumed the entire valley they didn't notice the whir of helicopter blades until the bright red, fire retardant stained water poured down on the fire. The wind had drawn the fires together and that was it's downfall, now it could and would be easily contained by the water drop. The helicopter pilot waved to them then pointed towards the road. Capp was quick to hoist Kelly to his feet and assist him on the walk back to the road. There was no rush so they took their time talking as they walked, adrenaline already wearing off. When they reached the road they were met by four fire crews and an ambulance. Kelly allowed the paramedics to look at his leg in exchange for a working phone, his first priority was letting Erin know he was okay. The phone rang and rang but she didn't answer.

* * *

"He's out of surgery" The surgeon informed as soon as she entered the waiting room. Erin knew Voight was tough but she hadn't let herself even hope that he would make it. "That doesn't mean he's out of the woods. We had to revive him twice, it was probably the hardest surgery I have ever performed" She admitted "I managed to graft some of his femoral artery over the rupture and it seems to be holding well."

"When can we see him?" Erin was quick to ask as soon as the surgeon stopped speaking.

"As soon as he's out of post-op, I'll send a nurse" She replied with a small smile.

"Thank you" Erin remembered to say, the rest of the team followed her lead ensuring the surgeon knew that they appreciated her time and effort. They returned to their seats, now able to smile, laugh and joke about all the incredible things Voight had accomplished and how he was sure to be out of the hospital in no time. They all had lingering doubts deep down but fed off each others external positivity. The nurse was less than pleased to approach the rowdy bunch and tell them they were allowed to visit her stable but critical patient. Erin couldn't help but smile when she finally saw Voight, for a long time she wasn't sure she'd ever see him again. He was incredibly pale with tubes and wires sticking out everywhere but he was alive. Convinced there was nothing more they could do the members of the intelligence unit slowly said their goodbyes before heading home.

"You go, I'll stay with him" Olinsky offered as he placed a hand on Erin's shoulder, he knew the whole thing had been much harder on her than on him. Alvin hadn't doubted for a second that old his friend would bounce back, he'd learned early on to accept Hank Voight's invincibility.

"No its okay" Erin objected straightening her posture to avoid looking tired.

"What about Shay?" He questioned.

"She's staying with the Herrmann's, they'd all be asleep by now" She concluded after a quick look to the clock that hung above the bed.

"Go home, get some sleep. I'll call you if anything changes I promise" Alvin said much more forcefully. Erin considered her options, it really was a case of sleep in an uncomfortable hospital chair or in her own bed. Voight wasn't going to wake up and they wouldn't know more about his condition until the cardiac surgeon returned in the morning.

"Alright" Erin said as she stood up, her back was already sore so she was glad not to spend any longer in the chair. She stopped and leaned over Hank, squeezing his hand and gently kissing his cheek before waving goodnight to Olinsky and leaving the room. Without a car she was forced to take a taxi home. As soon as she had showered she flopped into bed and fell asleep.

**I'm hoping this wasn't a massive let down...I did consider killing one or both of them but couldn't actually bring myself to do it :/ I'm not a doctor so I had no issue in making Voight survive a usually fatal injury (my medical knowledge is largely sourced from M*A*S*H... feel free to laugh). Anyway I'm exhausted, hope you liked it!**


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31! This is officially the longest fic I have ever written, thank you so much for your continued support. Writing is an escape for me and it means a lot to know that people are reading and enjoying the crazy roller coaster of things I think up for these characters. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it coming long into the future (I certainly don't have plans to stop anytime soon). Okay, I'll let you get on with reading now :D**

Kelly had been taken to the nearest hospital by ambulance, despite his protests. Newhouse accompanied him, no longer able to bear the pain of his damaged shoulder. They both had x-rays then waited together for their results.

"This is all my fault" Kelly said, filling the increasingly uncomfortable silence.

"You were just trying to save the cow, I was just trying to save you" Newhouse shrugged. They had all misjudged things before, now Kelly just needed to learn from it.

"Exactly, you hurt yourself saving me from my own stupidity" Kelly replied as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"I'd do it again" Newhouse responded.

"I wouldn't, the cow's probably dead by now" Kelly groaned.

"Probably not, did you see how many crews they had at the farm gate. I even heard them talking about getting another helicopter in" Newhouse said trying to cheer Kelly up.

"Bad news for both of you I'm afraid" the doctor said when he came in holding up their x-rays.

"How bad?" they both asked at the same time.

"Your leg is broken and you've done some serious damage to your shoulder muscles" The doctor explained to Kelly and Newhouse in turn.

"Erin is going to kill me" Kelly muttered, Newhouse laughed at the level of genuine fear in Kelly's voice. The doctor started talking to Kelly about his options they couldn't cast the leg due to the cut and abrasions the beam had caused. There were still splinters that would need to be removed then the cut would need stitching. After that they couldn't cast it for a few days to make sure they didn't miss an infection, Kelly fully intended to be on the next plane back to Chicago so he didn't bother to complain.

"I'm also quite sure you're concussed, we'll be sending you though to a major hospital for an MRI" The doctor explained "You'll need one too" he added looking at Newhouse. As soon as the doctor left the room Kelly talked the nurse into giving him a phone. He tried Erin but again she didn't answer, it was quite late so he didn't bother to call again. It wouldn't be fair to wake her up only to tell her he'd gotten himself hurt.

* * *

Erin sat up as soon as she woke, already feeling guilty for having slept at all. She threw on some clothes, brushed her teeth then ran out the door with nothing but her keys. Standing in the driveway she questioned whether or not the universe was trying to tell her something. Over the last twenty-four hours she had had the worst luck. And now her car was still in the parking lot at the district. After taking a moment to calculate distances she shoved the keys in her pocket and started to jog. The jacket that had seemed necessary when looking through the bedroom window soon became stifling. It was peculiar how effective running was when it came to clearing her head. Three quarters of an hour later she arrived at the district. Thirsty and sweaty she didn't bother to head into the building. After blasting the air conditioner in the car for a few minutes Erin put the car into drive and made her way to the Herrmann's. It was the longest she'd ever stood at their front door without someone answering, so long in fact she started to wonder if something was wrong. Erin had just raised her hand to knock again when the door swung open, she could tell from Cindy's face that things had not gone smoothly.

"Come on in" Cindy said sounding both frustrated and relieved. Erin didn't know what she could say to help so she followed Cindy into the house silently. "Nathan, can you get Shay for me?" Cindy asked as she turned to her oldest son.

"I'm really sorry about this" Erin said feeling like a terrible parent and friend.

"It's fine, she was just really unsettled" Cindy dismissed "all night" she added softly. Nathan arrived with Shay and handed her over to Erin.

"Thanks" Erin said as she took a look at her daughter. Shay looked tired but very happy to be reunited, it was possibly the longest they had ever been separated.

"Anytime" Cindy replied, more out of obligation than enthusiasm.

"I'm really sorry" Erin felt the need to reiterate as she made her way back to the front door. She knew she would have to arrange something spectacular to thank Cindy and started brainstorming ideas as she drove to the hospital. Shay had fallen asleep and was dribbling slightly, Erin smiled then remembered why she was at the hospital and scolded herself for being so thoughtless. It was a horrid shock to find Voight's bed empty, sheets stripped away as if he had never been there. She had no choice but to find a nurse and ask for help to locate him.

"Mr Voight was doing so well they took him up to a ward, give me a second and I'll find where exactly" The nurse said before turning to the computer. "Okay he is on the sixth floor, west wing, corridor B, room 13."

"Thanks" Erin said quickly, did 'doing well' mean he was awake?

"Do you need me to write that down? I could get an orderly to escort you" The nurse offered.

"No it's fine, thanks" She replied already halfway to the closest elevator. There was a map on the wall directly opposite the elevator so Erin wondered how anyone could get lost. Unfortunately the map didn't translate to the actual floor plan very well. Erin was starting to regret turning down help when by complete accident she stumbled into Voight's room.

"Morning" Olinsky whispered hoarsely.

"Morning, how's he going?" Erin asked placing Shay's car seat on the floor in the corner of the room.

"He woke up about an hour ago. He seems fine, frustrated to be stuck in bed but I think that's probably a good sign. The nurse got annoyed when he started asking about when he could leave" Olinsky laughed.

"I wonder if he realises how lucky he is" She pondered.

"I don't think he can quite yet, he'll understand once the doctor explains it and when he sees how worried you've been" Olinsky said as he stood up and started to rub his neck.

"Not worried enough to stay the night" Erin commented.

"You have other priorities" Olinsky reminded pointing to Shay.

"She stayed with Cindy overnight, I just went home and slept" Erin explained, moving closer to the bed.

"Erin, if you try to blame yourself he's just going to get annoyed, that's not good for his heart" Olinsky said knowing that a little manipulation would make everyone's lives easier. The only way to stop Erin blaming herself was to suggest it would negatively influence Voight.

"Okay" She nodded.

"I'm going to head home for a shower, are you alright to stay here for a bit?" Olinsky questioned.

"Sure" Erin answered though she wasn't sure how long Shay would sleep, keeping her quiet if she woke up would be difficult. Olinsky gave her a pat on the shoulder and handed her a newspaper before he left. She settled into the chair and unfolded the paper. It wasn't until she read the headline for a second time that she registered the fact that Kelly was still in Colorado, she'd been so preoccupied that he hadn't even crossed her mind.

* * *

When morning arrived and Kelly still hadn't heard anything from Erin he started to worry. She had been the one insisting they stay in contact yet she wasn't answering her phone. Kelly and Newhouse had been lucky enough to catch a ride on the helicopter taking Dean to Denver, it wasn't a particularly smooth or comfortable trip but it was considerably faster than it would have been by car. Kelly hated hospitals at the best of times but he tried to keep his complaints to a minimum, it was his own fault he was there at all. He couldn't think of anything other than Erin and Shay as the doctors expertly dug the wood splinters from his leg and stitched the cut closed. Kelly waited patiently for his MRI then negotiated his way to a discharge and instructed the doctor to send the results through to Chicago. By the time he had finally busted his way out of the hospital the rest of the squad had made their way back to Denver. With Kelly on crutches and Newhouse's arm in a sling they boarded the next flight to Chicago, but not before Kelly left a message on Erin's phone.

* * *

Erin's patience wore thin very quickly. A kind young nurse offered her a phone so she quickly called Kelly, she tried to remain calm when he didn't answer. It was most likely that he had already left the regional command post, off for another day battling the fires. As if on cue both Shay and Hank woke the moment she stepped back into the room.

"It's good to see you" Erin said to Hank as she lifted Shay out of her car seat and settled her with a hug.

"You weren't worried were you?" He croaked, she moved around the bed and pour him a glass of water. Once he had taken a sip he looked at her properly, even having slept in her own bed she still looked terrible.

"You almost died. Hell you did die! Twice in surgery" Erin said, she was massively relieved to see him so well but angry that he thought she wouldn't be worried.

"Okay, I'm sorry but I'm also okay" Hank insisted reaching out to squeeze her hand and prove it.

"But you nearly weren't" She whispered.

"I'm alive and I plan on staying alive, at least until Shay beats all your records at the academy" He said seizing Shay's attention.

"Sure" Erin answered unable to stop herself smiling. Hank held out his arms and Shay responded, squirming until she was handed over.

"I'm going to be around for a long time yet, your mummy has nothing to worry about" Hank said to Shay putting on a brave face as he exerted himself just keeping hold of the infant.

"Her mummy is worried the doctor wouldn't like to see this" Erin responded reaching across to take Shay back.

"It think it's great actually" The surgeon said from the doorway, Erin knew they had probably had the same amount of sleep yet the surgeon looked almost cheerful.

"Can't argue with the doctor" Hank teased pushing Erin's hands away.

"I certainly hope you won't be" The surgeon said as she reached for his chart. "It says here the first thing you asked the nurse was when you could leave" she commented.

"No offence but I've got work to do" He defended.

"I'll explain your injury and the typical survival rate and then we'll see" The surgeon warned before starting a firm lecture on just how close the bullet had been to ending his life once and for all. Erin was pleased to see him listening attentively. When the surgeon finished he had been effectively put in his place, happy to stay in hospital for as long as she recommended. After advising him to get as much rest as possible the surgeon checked the incision then left the room. Hank caught Erin glancing at the clock and wondered what was going on.

"You don't have to hang around if you have somewhere to be" He assured.

"It's nothing" She replied hastily.

"Okay" He said shifting to get a better look at her. "Erin I'm really sorry that I scared you."

"I just didn't want you to leave me, I'm an adult and I have my own family but I still need you. I think I always will" Erin said sitting on the edge of his bed

"I won't always be here but I'm going to do my best to stick around for a long time yet" He answered reaching out and rubbing her arm.

"I haven't heard from Kelly since yesterday morning" She added leaning down to place her head on his shoulder, he did his best to hug her with one arm. The doctor had told him he was lucky to survive the bullet but holding Shay and Erin in his arms made him feel lucky. Erin felt pathetic, she was completely losing it in front of the one person who deserved to see her cool, calm and collected. She knew it was selfish but she couldn't stop herself from crying, too much had happened, she couldn't process it so she needed to let it out.

"He'll be fine, I'll be fine and you'll be fine too" He comforted, it had been a long time since he'd last performed this duty.

"I need to go home and get my phone, then I'll know if he's called" She concluded as she sat up and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.

"Alright" Hank said as Shay escaped from his hold and crawled over him into her mothers arms.

"I don't want to leave you. Where is everyone? They were all here last night" Erin noted poking her head out the door to check there were no familiar faces waiting.

"I'm in a hospital with hundreds of doctors and nurses, I won't be alone" He said.

"I'll be back soon" She said then grabbed the car seat and left. Once she was home she had to locate her phone then plug it in to charge. After a very anxious five minutes the device finally turned on vibrating madly as a dozen missed calls arrived. The call log showed Kelly' s most recent call had only been a couple of hours ago. Erin listened to the message he had left then checked the time. She would barely have time to make it to the airport if she wanted to be there when he arrived. Kelly hadn't given a reason for his early return but she was too excited to question it. She changed Shay into clothes that actually fit, she hadn't bothered to update the spare set of clothes in Shay's bag so they looked uncomfortably tight. Then she was off again to the airport looking forward to seeing Kelly more than ever. Erin still hadn't forgiven herself for completely forgetting him for a whole day so she wanted to make it up to him by being there when he touched down. She hoped it would be the complete opposite of his departure, extreme happiness instead of sadness.

**Are you looking forward to Erin seeing Kelly? How do you think she'll react?  
**


	32. Chapter 32

Erin made her way through airport security, stooped awkwardly to the side so she could hold Shay's hand. Now that she could Shay insisted on walking as much as possible. Erin knew she would have to increase how much Shay ate to make up for all the extra energy she was using. Once they had cleared security Erin checked the arrivals board and found that Kelly's flight had been delayed and was still half an hour away. It was such a novel environment for Shay that Erin wasn't concerned about having to entertain her. After a look through the shops, and the impulse purchase of a 'Chicago, My City' Shirt for Shay they found a seat at the correct gate.

"Dada will be here soon" Erin said softly to Shay to get her attention. Shay, like all children, was inherently curious but her propensity to stare at people for uncomfortably long periods of time could get awkward.

"Dada!" Shay squealed excitedly, clapping her hands.

"Dada is coming home, and I'm never going to let him go anywhere ever again" Erin explained as she lifted Shay onto her lap, the last part more to herself than for Shay.

"Dada no go" Shay replied seriously.

"Yeah" Erin nodded pleased by Shay's growing ability to convey her thoughts with words. They weren't anywhere near full sentences but it was enough to understand what she was thinking. Shay started to chant 'dada' repeatedly, despite glares from other patrons Erin did nothing to quiet her.

"She seems quite excited to see her dad" An older woman commented looking affectionately at Shay.

"It's only been a week" Erin replied with a guilty smile.

"A week might technically always be the same amount of time but I can assure you some are much longer than others" She replied thoughtfully.

"In that case it's been a very long week" Erin conceded.

"Business trip?" The woman questioned, she was clearly waiting alone and had nothing better to do.

"Kind of..." Erin answered realising that that was exactly what it was. She never thought she'd be in a relationship with someone who went on business trips, it sounded much too pretentious.

"Kind of?" She asked.

"He's a fireman, so he went to help out in Colorado" Erin explained.

"Well good on him. I saw on the news this morning that there are only two fires still burning and they're both currently contained. I bet your husband will be exhausted" The woman said, normally Erin would jump to correct her but at that moment it didn't really seem important.

"Probably" Erin sighed, her plans for the afternoon involved leaving Shay home with Kelly so she could return to the hospital. Thinking of the hospital she wondered if she should call Antonio or Halstead to make sure Voight wasn't still alone. Erin would have pulled out her phone to make the call if the plane she had been waiting for hadn't taxied into position right at that moment. Gathering Shay and her discarded sock Erin moved to the window so they would be nice and close to the top of the ramp.

"Dada" Shay exclaimed as the first people started exiting the plane.

"Almost" Erin encouraged feeling her own excitement start to build. After the twenty-four hour nightmare of a day she'd had all she wanted was for Kelly to hold her, safe in arms for as long as it took to forget the rest of the world. Expecting to see him at any moment she was disappointed and confused when the stream of disembarking passengers started to thin.

"Dada?" Shay asked, on the verge of tears.

"Soon baby" Erin comforted moving to check the display properly, she was certain they were at the right gate but neither Kelly nor his squad appeared to be among the passengers. The screen indicated that she was correct but there were no longer passengers making their way to the top of the ramp. After double checking her phone she left the waiting area to locate another arrivals screen, it was possible there were two planes arriving at the same time and he had simply sent the wrong details. Of course this meant that when Kelly did finally reach the top of the ramp they were a considerable distance apart. Erin was standing looking baffled at the arrivals screen, Kelly scanning the crowd for the two faces he desperately needed to see.

"Dada" Shay yelled, Erin knew instantly from the change of tone that Shay had spotted her father. Even from that distance, and despite the traffic of travelers moving between them, they could read each others expressions. Erin's face fell instantly when her eyes left his face and noticed the crutches and bandaged leg. Kelly continued to beam but his stomach lurched with nervous anticipation, he could tell from her expression that she was either going to forgive him, and potentially cry, or kill him right then and there. Shay wriggled wildly in Erin's arms forcing her to start to move towards the unexpectedly bruised and battered man. As they got closer Shay finally succeeded in forcing her way to the ground, from there she could get to her Dada far more quickly. Traveling as fast as her tiny, chubby legs would carry her she reached him in a matter of seconds. Tearing his eyes from Erin, who had slowed her pace substantially, Kelly held his crutches in one hand and scooped up Shay with the other. Erin watched them hugging and smiling and wished she could join in. She couldn't though, she wouldn't allow herself to give the impression that she was at all pleased with him. He was hurt, she didn't know how badly but it was enough to make her question everything. They had grown so close, falling in love with each other in the process of becoming parents, maybe too close. Erin didn't know if it was because of the near miss with Voight or because she was still struggling to process that Kelly was hurt but she decided to stop walking. Things had gone too far, she had become too invested so now she was left with no choice but to physically distance herself and regain control. As Erin stood, blank faced, packing her emotions back into their box, the one place where they were safe and contained and untouchable, Kelly realised something was wrong. It took him a minute to figure out that he would have to put Shay down before he could use the already irksome crutches to reach Erin. Shay obediently walked back to her mother, Kelly following close behind.

"It's nice to see you" Erin said weakly as she lifted Shay onto her hip then turned and started walking towards the exit.

"Erin, please" Kelly called after her, when he realised she wasn't going to stop he quickly set about trying to catch up. His leg started to throb but he ignored it, the pain in his leg incomparable to the growing pain in his chest. At the main door out of the airport Erin stopped suddenly and turned around she brushed past him as she started to move again, fighting the crowd to get back into the building. By the time he had caught up to her she had collected his luggage. Backtracking the exact path they had just traveled they progressed out into the open, then across the road and into the parking structure. Kelly still trailed along behind, even with Shay and the heavy bag Erin made sure to walk faster than he could. After securing Shay in the car and packing the bag into the back she waited. Kelly struggled to stow his crutches then hop to the passenger seat and get in. "Erin" He said, sounding particularly apologetic. He reached across for her hand but she pulled away and started the car. The drive home gave Kelly plenty of time to think, but when they arrived he still had no idea what to say to fix things. Erin headed inside, plugged her phone in, made lunch then sat and ate with Shay as Kelly pleaded for her to just listen to what he had to say. She wouldn't acknowledge him at all but she had no choice but to listen as he explained everything. Content ignoring him Erin didn't speak a word in response until Shay was having her afternoon nap.

"I've gotta go" She said quickly.

"Erin! Where are you going?" Kelly questioned.

"Work" She replied, if she stopped to explain the Voight situation he might think she was forgiving him. The hospital was calm, quiet and clean, easy for her overworked brain to process. Voight was glad to have company again, the nurse tried to tell Erin that it wasn't visiting hours but he quickly made Erin's presence a condition of his compliance.

"Are you okay?" He asked, surely with Kelly back she would be happy.

"Fine, just thinking" She answered dismissively.

"About?" He questioned.

"Where everyone else is" She lied securing the deception by looking him dead in the eyes.

"At work if they know what's good for them" Hank was quick to contribute.

"Oh, yeah. Probably" Erin replied, she had completely forgotten about work and their current case. Now that Erin remembered she hoped that the delay wouldn't cost Elka her life. "I should probably go see if they need any help" She said after a long pause.

"No you should probably go home" He said, while it was nice to have her around he knew something big was happening.

"I can't" She shrugged.

"What do you mean?" Hank asked.

"I can't go home" She repeated.

"I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong" He said when she failed to continue.

"The fact that I'm not at work is what's wrong, you seem fine so I'll head in and make sure everyone's behaving" Erin explained.

"I'll need you and Antonio to work together while I'm stuck here, the doctor seems to think it might be a while" He said, the last thing he wanted to do was indulge her desire to smother her family issues with work but he had little choice.

"Sure, we'll manage, you just get better" Erin assured as she made her way to the door, stopping only when he spoke.

"Erin, you know I'm here if you need anything, even if you don't want to talk or if you just want to cry or yell and scream and hit things. I will always be here for you" He said though he didn't truthfully know why, it just seemed like the sort of thing she might need to hear.

"Thank you" She replied before leaving. Arriving at the district felt like going home after a long time away. The intelligence unit had continued to work and were closer than ever to finding Elka. They had her brother's rental car details so all that remained was tracking down the vehicle and hoping the siblings were nearby. Powell was busy monitoring CCTV so the rest of the team had a momentary break. After filling them in on Voight's current condition Erin retreated to her desk, staring meaninglessly at her computer screen instead of doing something productive.

"You alright?" Nadia asked placing a steaming cup of coffee in front of Erin.

"Yeah I'm fine" Erin replied.

"You don't look it" Nadia commented.

"Thanks" Erin replied with a glare, getting the message the younger woman retreated to her own desk and got back to work. Wanting nothing more than a good outcome Erin made the decision to stay back while the rest of the unit made their way to the recently discovered rental car. Erin wasn't in the right frame of mind and she couldn't shift the doubt that she might get another colleague shot. She didn't even listen when the team returned, eager to share their victory. Leaving the district she had no idea why Elka had gone missing or how her brother was involved.

"Oh no you don't! Go home" Hank protested when she marched into his room.

"Don't tell me what to do" She said defiantly relaxing into the chair.

"I'll get my nurse" He threatened holding up the remote with the emergency call button.

"You wouldn't" Erin said confidently. Hank depressed the button and his nurse came rushing in.

"I need to sleep" He explained ignoring Erin's horrified expression.

"Fine" Erin groaned leaving the room just as quickly as she had entered it. She had nowhere but home to go. She sat in the car in the driveway for a very long time, when she did finally go inside she was pleased to see that Kelly had managed to get Shay to bed. Kelly turned off the television and followed her upstairs to the bedroom. He waited in bed while she showered then, reluctantly, crawled in next to him.

"I love you" Kelly said.

"I love you too" Erin replied without hesitation. That was the problem though, she loved him more than she had ever loved anyone before, except Shay of course. It was a completely different type of love though. This was the sort of love where she knew she would cease to function if anything happened to him. The ease with which she had forgotten him in favour of Voight, topped off by the fact he had been badly hurt made her angry and confused.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Everything" She answered, it was so much easier than explaining everything.

"Please talk to me" Kelly said looking at her hopefully.

"We'll talk in the morning, I just need to sleep right now" She responded, rolling away from him to show him the conversation was over. Erin did everything she could think of to try to get to sleep, she was exhausted but her brain wouldn't stop. Eventually she couldn't hold it in any longer. "You got hurt, doing your job, again. I don't like what you do, it's too dangerous but who am I to talk when I'm running around shooting criminals one minute then playing with our baby the next. The world, our world is messed up" Erin stopped for a moment to take a breath then started again. "Voight got shot and nearly died and I don't know what I'd do if he had but he didn't and you didn't either but I've never felt more alone. He was dying right in front of me and you were off in Colorado, not that I was even thinking about you. I spent half a day without even thinking about you so it's completely ridiculous for me to have reacted the way I did when I saw you this afternoon, hurt. My emotions right now are too complicated and I don't understand them so I don't want to have them at all. It's just easier if I ignore everything and hope it goes away but you aren't going to go away. I won't let you leave me because other than Voight you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I need you, all of you, always. So you have to be more careful" She finished finally. Kelly had been half asleep when she'd started talking but he was soon wide awake, listening to every word and trying desperately to understand what she was saying. Her thoughts had exploded from her mind for a moment and he finally had a glimpse of what it was like in her head. She felt tired, angry, confused, hurt and in need of reassurance all at the same time, it was enough to give him a headache.

"I'm not going anywhere" was all he could think to say as he disregarded the pain in his leg pulling her across the bed. He held her firmly to his chest, his words were useless.

"I think I just love you too much" Erin whispered.

"I know I love you too much" Kelly replied pressing his lips to her forehead. Allowing her eyes to close, she stopped to absorb the moment, in seconds she was asleep.

**I'm not really sure what I had planned for this chapter but it kinda took on a mind of it's own and just flowed out my fingertips (that sounds less insane in my head)...**


	33. Chapter 33

"Erin" Kelly said softly placing his hand on her upper arm to give her a gentle shake. She didn't stir at all, her deep even breathing continued making Kelly question how long he could hold on for. Erin was nestled to his side, her head resting under his chin with one arm draped across his body. Not long enough he decided as he gave her another shake.

"Mm...what?" She asked sleepily, her first instinct was to pull him closer.

"I have to get up" He whispered trying to push her away.

"No" She groaned shifting herself so that she was completely on top of him.

"I'll be right back" Kelly assured before pushing her off he sat up then fumbled with his crutches and hobbled to the bathroom. Watching him struggle to walk brought back all the feeling Erin had been trying to bury. "You okay?" He asked when he got back into bed, she was staring blankly at the ceiling, deep in thought.

"Yeah, fine, sorry" She said shaking her head a little to clear it.

"Is everything alright? Between us?" He questioned, rolling onto his side so he could look down at her.

"Yeah I think so, at least I get six weeks of knowing you're not going to die" She replied distantly.

"Erin please" He groaned knowing she was struggling more than ever with his line of work.

"Please what? Accept that you're going to risk your life for a cow? Not likely" She scoffed feeling her heart rate increase as anger flooded her body.

"I made a dumb mistake, you can't tell me you haven't" He defended.

"No I can't say that I haven't but I don't usually end up with broken limbs" She answered quickly.

"Just broken ribs" He commented softly, dredging up the distant past wasn't going to help but she was acting like she'd never gotten hurt. Erin looked like she was about to explode but as the seconds ticked past she didn't respond. Eventually, when he assumed she'd given up she spoke.

"This isn't about me, this is about you and the fact that you need to realise I can't do this without you" Erin said in a clear, cold tone.

"You could" He insisted.

"You sacrifice yourself for a cow and I'm left with the baby. Trust me you were only gone for a week and I already feel like I've gone insane" Erin snapped.

"I am not going to die for a cow, I didn't die for a cow" Kelly reasoned.

"No you just broke your leg which is nothing, I shouldn't have any issue with it" She said sarcastically.

"Erin, stop. I'm confused, just tell me what's actually wrong?" He asked, holding his head in his hands.

"What's wrong? Maybe I realised how much I love you and I can't figure out how to make it stop" Erin answered honestly.

"You want it to stop?" He asked, pain evident in his voice.

"Yes, I've never felt like this before. It hurts, when you go away or when I see you hurt" She replied, near tears.

"Come here" Kelly said pulling her into his arms, she tried to resist at first but then gave in. "You're scared" He whispered as realisation dawned, she wasn't scared of losing him, she was scared of losing herself. Erin stiffened in response. "I know I went away, I left you and Shay. You were all I could think about, that's why I tried to save the cow. I watched the family pack everything they could into their car and drive away, their little girl reminded me of Shay. She was so confused. I lost control, I got too involved and I made stupid decisions. But I'm never going to do that again, I promise. I'm not going to leave you and Voight isn't either. You've had a rough week but I'm here now, I'm here for good" Kelly explained, pouring his emotions out for her to take or leave.

"You won't go away again? Even if half the country is on fire?" She questioned weakly, it didn't seem a fitting reply at all.

"I'll quit being a fireman altogether if it would make you happy" He assured.

"I'll think about it" She teased as she smiled up at him.

"Good idea" He nodded.

"I missed you a lot" She complained, still smiling.

"I can tell" He laughed.

"I think I need to show you how much" Erin said, her serious facial expression conflicting with the way her hands were pulling at his shirt. Kelly felt relief wash over him, replaced by an entirely different feeling as her lips danced along his jaw. She indulged him with a kiss, slow and meaningful. Kelly let his hands rest at her waist, her perfectly smooth skin under his calloused hands. Shay chose that exact moment to declare to the world that she was hungry. Erin continued regardless, certain Shay would calm herself. When they next pulled apart to breathe Shay was silent. A loud thud made both adults lose interest in each other, panic rising as they rushed to Shay's room. Erin arrived first, Shay sat on the floor at the bottom of her crib looking confused.

"Is she okay?" Kelly questioned as he arrived on his crutches.

"I think so" She replied as she checked Shay for any sign of an injury.

"How did she even get out?" He questioned, Shay was barely tall enough to see over the railings so it didn't make sense.

"I don't know. She must have been really determined" Erin suggested.

"I think she scared herself" He said watching Shay's confusion fade.

"I hope so. Let's get some breakfast anyway" She said starting to move towards the door, with one last look over her shoulder to check that nothing was out of place she let it be a mystery. Kelly followed, taking his time on the stairs.

"Have you got plans today?" Kelly asked as they sat down at the table to eat.

"I should probably be at work already, I'm supposed to be working with Antonio to cover Voight" She answered, feeling even worse about staying in bed.

"I have to see a doctor" He groaned.

"To get that cast?" She questioned looking at his bandaged leg, she wondered how he had managed to avoid it so far.

"Yeah, and apparently I need an MRI as well" He said, Erin's face fell. "As a precaution because I lost consciousness" He added to reassure her.

"Do you think you could wait until this afternoon? I'll take you to the hospital when I visit Hank, that way we can keep Shay with us" Erin said after thinking for a moment, she wasn't sure Cindy would be pleased to have Shay back.

"Yeah sure, Shay and I can catch up on the TV we missed" He commented.

"The TV you missed, she isn't even supposed to watch it" She corrected though she hadn't really made any effort to restrict Shay's television viewing, surely shows about wilderness survival and cars weren't damaging.

"What time will you be home" He questioned, changing the subject before Erin could ruin his plan for a lazy morning.

"I have no idea, I'll call when I know if we've got a case" She said leaving him at the table with Shay to go get dressed. Erin left for work a few minutes later. Kelly and Shay settled onto the couch, they'd barely moved when Erin returned just in time for lunch. Erin didn't have much paperwork to do and had made excuses about going to see Voight. It wasn't a complete lie, she was going to see him, after she stopped at home for lunch.

They emerged from the hospital a few hours later. Voight was in good spirits, glad that his doctor had allowed him to go for a walk down the hall. Kelly was glad to know his MRI had come back normal but was already sick of the cast. The doctors had debated how best to treat his leg for so long that he had seriously considered asking them to remove it, it would have been faster. They decided to remove the stitches early and replace them with an organic adhesive which wouldn't interfere with the cast. Erin wasn't surprised to see that he had chosen bright for the outer layer of the cast, a very close match to the red of the squad truck. She threatened a trip to the firehouse, knowing they would quickly deface the cast, when he tried to get out of cooking dinner. They ended up stopping for take out. As soon as Shay was asleep, Erin checked on her half a dozen times to make sure, they were able to pick up where they had left off.

**Probably a bit of a disappointment there but tomorrows chapter will make up for it I assure you! Unfortunately after tomorrow I won't be able to update for a few days because I'll be traveling to Perth (if everything goes according to plan I'll be updating on Tuesday). **


	34. Chapter 34

**I really hope you like this one...M rated towards the end ;)  
**

It took a few weeks to get back into a somewhat regular routine. The intelligence unit struggled without Voight's guidance, and while he'd technically left Lindsay and Antonio in charge they didn't have his authority. Voight fought his way out of the hospital after two weeks, spent a day at home then promptly returned to work, ignoring his doctor's orders completely. Erin for one was glad to have him back, she'd been working seven days a week just to keep things moving. Kelly was trying to make the most of his forced time off work. He loved spending so much time with Shay, she was constantly learning new things. In his mind his greatest achievement to date was teaching Shay to bring things to him, Erin wasn't particularly pleased to find he had trained their daughter to fetch. At long last Kelly got a chance to get out of the house, it was Saturday morning and Erin was having a well-deserved sleep in. He had fed and played with Shay until she too decided she could do with more sleep. After placing Shay on his side of the bed, a pillow in place to prevent her rolling off, he grabbed his jacket and car keys. Kelly wasn't supposed to drive with his broken leg but the switch from cast to boot made him wonder if the line had blurred. By the time he reached the first major road he had the hang of driving again. There were two things he needed to do, things he'd been thinking about since his return to Chicago, and Erin couldn't find out. He still wasn't sure it was a good idea, soon he'd know for sure. Pulling up outside Voight's house wasn't nearly as nerve wracking as knocking on his door. When nobody answered after five minutes, and some very insistent knocking, Kelly retreated to the car. There was only one other place Voight would be so Kelly made the short trip to District 21. Getting past Sergeant Platt was an unexpected hurdle but eventually he made it up to intelligence.

"Severide, what are you doing here?" Jay Halstead asked looking up from his desk as the footsteps approached.

"I just wanted to talk to Voight" Kelly replied.

"He just went downstairs to get some paperwork, should be back soon. Anything I can help with?" Jay asked as he tried to read Kelly, he looked flustered but that didn't mean anything specific.

"No, I just have a question" Kelly said looking from the door at the top of the stairs to Voight's empty office.

"About Erin?" Jay was quick to ask.

"Yeah" Kelly answered, Jay narrowed his eyes and thought for a moment. It wasn't his place to get involved, he was just her partner, but he couldn't help but be suspicious. Jay could only think of one reason for Kelly to ask Voight anything.

"Look man I don't want to interfere but if you're here to ask Voight what I think you're asking you need to leave" Jay said as he stood.

"Seriously?" Kelly demanded starting to get a little annoyed at Jay's assumption he knew what was happening. That on top of the fact he had always been a little concerned about Jay's relationship with Erin.

"Yeah seriously. Think about it, if the question relates to Erin then that's who you should be asking. I really hope you know her well enough that you understand her need to be in control. You can't go asking Voight a question meant for Erin, it needs to be her decision alone, no pressure from you or Voight or anyone. Trust me, Voight wants her to be happy and if you can do that he won't care that you didn't ask his permission" Jay spelled out hoping his suspicions were correct.

"You're right" Kelly said after long moment of thinking things through, he was still baffled that Halstead had been able to read him so easily.

"Yeah, so ask Erin, but only if you're serious because if you aren't and you end up hurting her in any way I will make you regret it" Jay assured. Kelly was already starting to question himself, it had seemed like a good idea when he was sitting on the couch at home. He gave Halstead a resolute nod then retreated to his car, he sat thinking for a moment then made his way to his next destination.

* * *

Seeing the number of choices, gleaming and glittering in the glass cabinet, Kelly realized he was out of his depth. He pulled out his phone and called Gabby, surely she would have some advice. Gabby squealed with excitement when he voiced his plan then rushed to join him at the store. She tried to be reasonable and practical, narrowing it down to three choices. Kelly had a clear favorite so with encouragement from Gabby he bought it, stowing the small box safely in his pocket. He thanked Gabby profusely then returned home, trying to pretend nothing had happened. Erin was a little worried but figured she would need a morning out if she'd been trapped at home for the last few weeks. Kelly was unusually helpful with the housework, leaving Erin plenty of time with Shay.

"Erin, can we go for a walk to the park?" He asked unable to resist any longer. While he wanted everything to be perfect, she deserved nothing less, he couldn't hold out for date night at a fancy restaurant.

"Yeah sure" She answered, it wasn't a strange request so she didn't give it much thought. Getting shoes on Shay's tiny feet was a two person job, with careful communication and some luck they managed the task. By the time they left the house the sun was starting to set. Kelly realized he wouldn't have time to muck around when they reached the park. He started doubting everything, a park was not the venue Erin deserved. "Are you alright?" Erin questioned, picking up on his nervous energy.

"I'm fine" He replied, trying to match his thoughts with his cool exterior. It was getting darker every moment and as they arrived in the park Kelly made the decision to delay, this didn't feel right. He wasn't going to let the opportunity to have fun with Shay pass by. Erin watched on with a smile as he followed Shay around the park occasionally lifting her from the ground, up into the air to fly for a moment then returning her to her feet. Both Shay and Kelly were laughing, Erin felt a little left out so she headed towards them to join in. Kelly leaned down help Shay to her feet when the box slipped out of his pocket. Before Kelly could retrieve it Shay grabbed it and started running. "Shay, can I have that?" He hissed, looking over his shoulder to see Erin getting closer.

"No" Shay said firmly moving past him, towards Erin, as fast as she could. Kelly followed after her, just catching up as she presented the box to Erin.

"What's that?" Erin questioned when Shay held out the foreign object.

"Umm…" Kelly started but it was too late, Erin had accepted the box and was looking at it cautiously. Kelly didn't have much of a choice, he took the box from her hands, it was easy since she wasn't expecting it and dropped to one knee. Shay grabbed at him, trying to get the box back, he settled her on his knee then looked up at Erin. Her face was completely blank. He swallowed, preparing himself to speak. "Erin, I love you so much. Will you marry me?" Kelly asked flipping the box open to reveal the ring he had chosen. She didn't move, he couldn't even tell if she was still breathing. A million thoughts swirled through her head but she tried to ignore them, this wasn't a question for her brain, it was a question for her heart. Shay started to cry so Kelly pulled the ring from the box, he handed Shay the empty box and she stopped. When he looked back up at Erin he was surprised to see her eyes twinkling, the buildup of unshed tears glistening in the low light.

"Kelly" She said, starting softly, "you have a part of me, I didn't give it to you willingly and I don't think I can ever get it back. I don't know what love is or how to be a wife but if you want to marry me to show the world that we belong together then that's what I want as well" Erin had no idea where the words came from, they were just there.

"Is that a yes?" He breathed still not sure he could celebrate.

"Yes, yes I will marry you" She answered as he stood up. It wasn't something she ever thought she'd say but it seemed stupid not to. He slipped the ring onto her finger, to his surprise it fit perfectly, he'd used the shop assistant and Gabby's hands to guess the right size.

"I thought you'd say no" He laughed nervously, watching as she looked more closely at the ring. Three strands of yellow gold were plaited together to form the bank, a perfectly proportioned diamond sparkling in the middle.

"But you still asked" She noted as she grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. Barely a second after their lips met they were forced apart, Shay kicking Erin in anger after dropping the box. "Shay" Erin complained before bending down to retrieve the box.

"We should head home" Kelly commented, noticing for the first time that it was now completely dark, the only source of light the half dozen street lights surrounding the park.

"Yeah" Erin agreed with a sigh, still trying to process everything that had happened. They walked home in silence, both caught up in their thoughts. Shay tried to run ahead but they were both quick to grab her hands, keeping her safely between them. They made their way through the front door into the pitch black house. Erin flicked a light switch then checked to see her new ring in the bright light, it was perfect, not too big or too plain.

"So there's a reason I asked you in the park" Kelly said as he followed her thought the house. He decided that making it sound intentional was his best bet, especially since he had an idea.

"Really? Why?" Erin questioned wondering if she had missed something.

"So that Shay could run around, now she'll sleep really well" He said with a grin.

"Oh, do you have plans?" She teased as she pulled off her shoes, tossing her socks straight into the laundry. He continued to follow her though he had no idea where she would lead him next.

"I certainly do" Kelly answered resting one hand on her waist when she finally stopped in the kitchen

"I might get her dinner ready and put her to bed early, then deal with the consequences in the morning" She said pulling open the fridge.

"I'll take her for her bath now then" He offered taking Shay from Erin's hip.

"Okay, no messing around with bubbles" She instructed sternly.

"Why not? Are you feeling a little impatient?" He teased as the grin returned to his face.

"You're wasting time" She replied knowing she was playing right into his hand.

"We'll be back soon, no bubbles" He agreed moving through the house and up the stairs. Erin threw together a quick meal for Shay, some tomato pasta, carrot and celery sticks and cubes of cheese. All things Shay liked and typically ate quickly. Of course tonight, while her parents battled to remain patient while drowning in anticipation, she didn't really want to eat at all. They played with her food to try and make it more appealing, in the end she only ate half of it. Eventually satisfied that Shay wouldn't die of starvation Erin took her plate, finished the carrot and celery herself then joined Kelly and Shay for a bedtime story. Shay was too exhausted to cause any further delay, as soon as she was asleep they snuck out of her room and closed the door. Kelly gestured for Erin to lead the way so she did, struggling to walk calmly and confidently to their bedroom.

"Hi" She said softly as he shut the door slowly and turned to face her.

"Hello. Any requests from my beautiful fiancée?" He questioned, closing the space between them in two strides.

"No" She answered with a shuddering breath.

"In that case you'll just have to trust me" Kelly replied, she gave a tiny nervous laugh as he ran his hands down her back. Her lips were so close but he didn't want to kiss them quite yet. He wanted to see what he could achieve with just his hands. Pulling at her shirt he lifted it until there was tiny strip of skin exposed above her pants. He ran his fingertips across it and was thrilled to feel her shiver in response. They maintained eye contact as his fingers drifted over her body. Communicating entirely in looks he knew she was struggling to remain still. In an attempt to feed her desire for more he pulled her shirt up over her head and dropped it to the floor. She stepped in until their bodies were pressed together and went to kiss him, he redirected her lips to his cheek then kissed her forehead. He could feel her frustration building but ignored it, turning his attention back to touching every inch of exposed skin. Tracing the outline of her bra made her think he was going to remove it, at the last second his hands dropped and removed her pants instead. She stepped out of them thinking about the underwear she would have worn if she had had any clue as to how their day would turn out. The practical black bra and green cotton underwear would have to do. Kelly couldn't have cared less what she was wearing, he just needed to communicate how much he loved her.

"Can I?" She questioned reaching for the hem of his shirt.

"Not yet" He replied running his hands down her arms, from shoulders to fingertips. With her hand in his Kelly led her to the bed, she obliged laying back until she rested on her elbows. He pressed a hand to her chest and she lay flat while he supported himself on an elbow above her. She expected a kiss now but instead he pressed his mouth to each of her eyes, loving the flutter of her eyelashes against his lips, then to her nose. He moved on to her neck as she questioned his intentions, surely he wasn't planning on avoiding kissing her the entire time. She bit her lip as his mouth rested in the valley between her breasts, his bottom lip obscured by the fabric of her bra. Lifting her chest from the bed she was pleased when his hands slid around and undid her bra. She couldn't help herself from pulling it off but then returned to lying still as he tormented her with his hot breath. Erin was wondering if he knew just how hard she was trying to let him have his way. When he leaned back to look her in the eye she found her answer, he knew and he was loving it. He snubbed her mouth again and moved down her neck, arms and hands planting soft kisses along the way. Paying particular attention to the brand new ring on her finger for a few moments. Shifting such that there was an elbow either side of her body he cupped her breasts, running his thumbs across her soft skin. He let his hands slide down, simultaneously tracing the curve of her breasts while kissing lower and lower down her middle. Her skin was on fire, she needed firm and certain where he gave soft and slow, so she groaned softly hoping it would encourage him. He laughed against her skin, moving upwards to see her face. "Patience" He whispered as he move his mouth down along her jaw. It was a feat of self-control not to turn her head and claim his lips. Her brain was overloaded with stimuli as he touched and kissed her body, moving at random to tease her.

"I'm being patient" She whined softly.

"It's worth it, isn't it?" He replied looking up at her. In her mind the answer was a very definite no. No amount of torturous touching was worth it when the same result could be achieved in seconds when things were done properly. At the same time she couldn't help but relish in how close he had brought her without even a kiss. His question remained unanswered as his mouth found her left breast, drawing out a moan and sending her mind spinning. She was so very close to edge now that all she needed was a little more, she wasn't going to get it anytime soon unless she chose to act. He could practically hear her mind working away, if he couldn't distract her again she would take control. Moving his mouth to her right breast while continuing to stimulate the left with his hand was his attempt to buy time. Unfortunately the shift was exactly what Erin sought. She grabbed him and pulled him off balance, his knee placed between her legs to steady him. Grinding against this leg was all it took, sending her spiraling as the orgasm ripped through her body. As soon as he saw it happening he pressed his mouth to hers. "You're so bad" He scolded when she regained control.

"You're so good" She countered kissing him as evidence.

"You're bad and you aren't always going to get your way" Kelly said firmly.

"I tried really hard" Erin complained.

"Try harder" He instructed before biting at her neck. She let out an involuntary whimper as she questioned what he had planned next. The sound spurred him to action and he bit, kissed and sucked at his way down her body. His hands ran down her sides stopping when they reached her underwear, she squirmed but he held her hips certainly.

"If you loved me you wouldn't tease me" She commented as his thumbs began to slide under the waist band of her underwear.

"It's because I love you that I tease you" He replied.

"Liar, this all for you" Erin argued though it couldn't possibly be true, so far she was the only one who'd benefited from his actions.

"Sssh" He said, reaching up to press his finger to her lips. She parted her lips and allowed her tongue to glide across his finger. He paused, watching her intently. Any self-restraint she had had up until that moment evaporated, as a plan formed in her mind. First she pushed his hand away then she struggled against him, eventually succeeding in climbing atop him. He groaned when he realized his turn in charge was over. Erin leaned down and kissed him, trying to be gentle. She had no idea how he managed to put aside his own urges for long enough to tease her but she was going to her best to figure it out. She stopped kissing him and pulled him up removing his shirt before starting on his pants. Seizing the opportunity she undid the button as slowly as she could, pausing to press her palm to his straining member before starting on the zip. Kelly knew she was delighting in her revenge. Getting his pants off proved to be considerably more difficult than she had expected, even so it worked to her advantage, every second was valuable. Pushing him back to the bed she leaned over him, pressing a light kiss to each of his closed eyes. He reached out and pulled her hips to his for a brief second of wonderful friction.

"Patience" She snapped as she pulled away, flopping down beside him for a moment. Starting at his shoulder she kissed her way across his chest, tracing a line between his navel and the top of his underwear with a finger the entire time. Kelly had wanted to resist, to show her what he meant when he asked for patience but she was succeeding in proving her point. Being teased certainly wasn't as much fun as doing the teasing.

"You win" He said shaking his head. Erin didn't bother to reply, victory meant she didn't have to wait any longer. She pulled off her own underwear, then his before claiming her prize. They paused for a moment, staring into each other's eyes while their bodies screamed for more. Rolling her hips slightly she leaned forward and kissed him. He started to move within her, slowly at first appreciating every second. The way her chest was heaving drew his eyes to her breasts, he sat up and kissed them softly before laying her back. She wrapped her legs around him, drawing his body flush against hers. He placed his hand next to her head, supporting himself on his extended arm he found the perfect angle. Now he was eliciting a moan with every thrust. Erin was close but he was closer, she opened her eyes drawn to the rapturous look in his. A devilish smile spread across his face as he lost himself, putting himself first for once. She groaned slightly then trailed him into oblivion. His mouth found her neck, just below her ear where the skin was most sensitive. Erin couldn't stop herself from crying out in pleasure. He sucked her earlobe into his mouth for a moment then stopped to watch as her eyes regained focus.

"You should propose more often" She commented sliding her hand up his neck to pull him in for a kiss.

"It wouldn't be as special" He said seriously.

"I'm hungry" She announced, not keen on seriousness. Erin sat up, pushing him off so that she could get up. Returning to the room a minute later she carried a tub of ice cream and two spoons. He laughed but accepted the spoon gratefully. "It's not a celebration without ice cream" she clarified.

"So we'll have ice cream at the wedding?" He asked, feeling slightly confused when her brow furrowed.

"Yeah" She answered as realization dawned, accepting his proposal meant a wedding. He wouldn't settle for something simple either, he'd want friends and family, cake and a stupid clothes.

"What's wrong?" He questioned, she was so deep in thought she hadn't even taken a second spoonful of ice cream.

"I want you, not a wedding" She answered honestly.

"Okay, we'll keep it simple" He said. Looking across at her, completely naked, smiling despite the spoon in her mouth he decided he didn't need a big wedding. All he needed was for Erin to be happy.

**Was that alright? I tried really hard to think of the cutest proposal and I knew Shay had to be involved! How will people react? Should they get married quickly or wait a while? What should their honeymoon involve? I look forward to reading your suggestions, see you on Tuesday :D**


	35. Chapter 35

"Good morning beautiful" Kelly croaked when he rolled over to find Erin watching him, a small smile on her face.

"Morning" She replied, reaching across to run her fingers down his arm.

"Feel any different?" He questioned grasping her hand gently before twisting her new ring until it was straight on her finger.

"Not really, sorry" She answered.

"Good. I don't want it to change a single thing" He said leaning across to kiss her gently. Erin placed her hands on either side of his face, pulling back to stare deeply into his eyes. She was still in awe of the fact that in a world full of people they had somehow found each other. "What?" Kelly asked, curious to know what she was thinking.

"I love you" Erin explained simply, emphasizing it with a slow, meaningful kiss.

"I love you" Kelly replied. They lay there for a long time. Erin eventually had to look away, fearful that if he stared into her eyes any longer he would be able to see into her soul.

"I'm going to go see what Shay's up to before she tries to break out again" She said pulling her dressing gown on over the shirt she had retrieved from the floor at some point during the night. His shirts were the most comfortable sleep wear and she was always looking to acquire them, preferably straight from his back.

"I'll make breakfast. Pancakes or eggs?" Kelly enthused, getting up to follow her.

"You know I can't resist your pancakes" She answered.

"Pancakes are on their way" He confirmed before descending the stairs confidently, the boot really did make his life easier. Erin proceeded into Shay's room, pleased to see Shay sitting in her crib, conversing with her lion.

"Good morning baby girl" Erin greeted as she moved closer. Shay looked up and smiled. She quickly discarded the toy and stood up, waiting patiently to be released.

"Mama" Shay replied, extending her arms up to indicate her desire to be lifted.

"How did you sleep?" Erin questioned as she lifted Shay and placed a kiss on her forehead. Shay babbled a nonsensical as she pulled her mother's hair. Erin loved to keep a running dialogue with Shay, even if it was mostly one sided. Once Shay was changed and dressed they headed downstairs to check Kelly's progress. The first pancake was quickly devoured, Erin tearing off pieces to share with Shay while they watched Kelly cooking. She let the rest of the pancakes stack up as she gathered their preferred toppings from the cupboards and fridge.

"Last one" Kelly announced proudly, pouring the remaining mixture into the frying pan. Erin started to carry things to the table, giving Shay a plastic plate so she could 'help'. After cornering Shay they managed to strap her into her high chair, it had recently become her least favourite place. As usual Shay struggled until she realised food was directly linked to compliance.

"Any plans for the day?" Erin questioned as she retrieved the pieces of pancake Shay had thrown to the floor.

"No, but we should do something" He answered.

"I think we should have lunch with Voight, then we could do something this afternoon. It's hard to figure out activities, with Shay and your leg to keep in mind" She said, Shay was old enough to enjoy a trip to the zoo but walking around all afternoon would be difficult on Kelly's leg.

"Sounds good, any ideas for the something?" He enquired hoping she had something in mind.

"Not really, she'll be ready for a sleep after lunch so we could take her to a movie" Erin suggested. "A children's movie" she clarified, just because Shay would be asleep didn't mean they could watch anything too loud or scary.

"There's that one with the dog, he lives at the firehouse and saves the day...Blaze" He suggested excitedly.

"Okay, if we can find it. Are you sure you want to watch a movie about firefighting? I avoid movies about police" She said though she could tell he was convinced it was a good idea.

"Shay will love it" He assured.

"Shay will probably be asleep" She reminded.

"Alright, I really want to see it" He admitted, though it he had made it very obvious that Shay wasn't the person he was thinking of when he requested the movie.

"Then we'll see it. Can you get her hands before she gets the syrup in her hair?" Erin asked watching as Shay's sticky hands got closer and closer to her head, at the last second Kelly managed to stop them. Erin handed him a baby wipe and he quickly set about removing the syrup.

"You go call Voight" He instructed once he was confident he had the situation under control. While Erin made the phone call Kelly decided to check the schedules of the local cinema's on his phone. Thankfully the movie was quite popular so there were plenty of sessions throughout the day, no doubt one would fit in with whatever they ended up doing for lunch.

"He's cool with it, I told him we'd bring the food though. I really think he should be taking it easy so he can get better faster" Erin shared when she joined him in the kitchen to help tidy.

"It's easier said than done" He said simply, she knew exactly what he meant, if she were in Voight's position she'd be doing her best to get back to work as well.

"Would walking to the bakery be too much?" She questioned, unsure how well his leg was healing. He had stopped taking pain medication as soon as he had gotten used to the boot but she was still surprised the doctor had been so easily convinced when it came to removing the cast.

"No, that's a good idea" He agreed. They made their way upstairs to get dressed and ready while Shay played hide and seek under their bed. Twenty minutes later they were well on the way to the bakery. Shay had walked the first hundred meters, painfully slowly, so Kelly had hoisted her onto his shoulders so the trip wouldn't take all day. Voight was opposed to 'fancy' bread so they chose a simple white loaf then decided on some delicate little lemon tarts as well. On the way home they let Shay walk some more. By the time they had showered, prepared lunch and dressed Shay they were running late. With everything packed neatly Erin took the car keys, determined to get there quickly but smoothly.

"Are you okay?" Erin questioned noticing the way Kelly was nervously fiddling with his necklace.

"Fine" He said, clearing his throat.

"Don't lie, what's wrong?" She requested.

"I'm just worried he'll be upset I didn't talk to him before proposing, I mean he's pretty much your dad" He explained knowing that anyone who wasn't a little afraid of Voight was most likely mad.

"He might be, but I don't care. Hopefully nothing he could have said would have made you change your mind" Erin said, confident that Voight would come around to the idea.

"Of course it wouldn't have. It's just tradition" He said quickly.

"We'll I'm kind of glad you didn't talk to him, or ask his permission or whatever. We already live together and have a kid, our relationship is far from traditional" She justified.

"Very true, it might not be traditional but it's perfect" Kelly said, reaching across to put his hand on her leg. "I was going to ask him though" He added softly.

"Really? Why didn't you?" She asked, unable to hide the surprise in her voice. Facing Voight to ask permission to marry his one and only daughter would be terrifying, she expected that he had wanted to avoid it at all costs. Kelly of course was busy trying to figure out if he should lie or not. 'Your partner told me not to' was hardly a fitting response.

"Yeah, he wasn't there when I went to visit. I didn't want to wait to ask so I just skipped it" He answered, feeling bad for lying by omission.

"You wouldn't really have been asking him though?" Erin questioned.

"Not really, just asking for his opinion, maybe some advice" Kelly said confidently though he really hadn't planned past getting into Voight's office. He was particularly glad Halstead had stepped in and prevented him making a fool of himself as well the possibility of facing Voight and Erin's wrath.

"Well you don't need permission and I don't think you needed any advice, it was perfect"' Erin said firmly.

"It didn't really happen how I planned" He laughed.

"Well I think it was great and I trust me I would have said no if I didn't think it was good enough" She said lightly.

"We'll I'm glad Shay took care of things because my plan was nowhere near that definition of perfect" He added.

"I am too, now let's go, I can't wait to see his face. I'm not sure if we should tell him or wait until he notices the ring. He's just had major heart surgery, I don't want to kill him" She thought aloud as she collected the food. Kelly helped Shay up the front path then carried her up the stairs before helping her press the doorbell. They were both well aware that Voight was some of the best police the city of Chicago had ever had but the time it took him to notice the ring on Erin's finger was truly remarkable. Almost the second the door opened he was arching his eyebrows questioningly, eyes fixed on the ring.

"Hanky" Shay greeted, using the name Olinsky had taught her back when she was spending afternoons at the district. She only continued to use it because of the amusing reactions that resulted. Erin and Kelly both sighed as they stepped into the house. Shay had provided the perfect excuse to bring up the engagement properly in a few minutes.

"Precious Princess" Hank replied happy to take Shay from Kelly. Erin made her way to the kitchen, leaving Hank, Kelly and Shay alone in the lounge room.

"I didn't know how to do things properly, I hope that's okay" Kelly tried to apologise.

"Don't sweat it, if she's happy I'm happy. You seem to make her happy, except for when you get yourself hurt, I wouldn't mind if you stopped that" Hank replied, giving Kelly a pat on the shoulder to convey just how much of a non-issue it was.

"I don't do it on purpose" Kelly defended.

"You run into burning buildings" Hank said dryly.

"Yeah I know" Kelly shrugged, it was an occupational hazard, something he couldn't avoid without switching occupations.

"Food is ready when you are...Is everything okay?" Erin asked as she walked into the room, they had both stopped speaking suddenly, as if they were guilty.

"Fine, congratulations kid" Hank said, pulling Erin into a hug before she had a chance to question them further.

"Thanks" Erin mumbled into his shoulder, Hank didn't hug very often so she assumed it meant they had his seal of approval.

"What's for lunch then?" He asked, trying to sound enthusiastic about eating. The medication he was on had suppressed his appetite to the point he was barely motivated to eat one meal a day. There was no way he'd let Erin think there was anything wrong though. Lunch went well, everyone relaxed and happy to be in good company. The sandwiches were a hit but a clear second after the lemon tarts. Kelly played with Shay to keep her awake while Erin tried to convince Hank to work from home for a little while. She knew it wasn't an option in his mind but she still felt obliged to voice her concern and support. The beeping of Hank's watch signaled he needed to take some medication, giving Kelly the perfect excuse to whisk his family away for the one o'clock session of Blaze. Erin laughed when they walked into the cinema, four minutes before the movie started. Kelly really was like a child in a candy store, practically jumping up and down with excitement to see the movie. The teen selling tickets had clearly seen the over enthusiastic parent scenario before and was happy to entertain Kelly's fussy seating requirements. Erin followed along happily, carrying Shay who had fallen asleep in the car.

"We'll have to save some popcorn for her" Erin whispered as they found their seats and got comfortable.

"I think she'll like it" He replied already scooping some into his mouth. Erin was the type of person who refused to eat popcorn before the movie actually started, Kelly knew but loved to frustrate her.

"This had better be good" She added as the film company logo flashed across the screen. An hour and a half in the dark with Shay sleeping sprawled out in her arms would seem like forever if the movie was boring.

"Don't worry it will be" He assured before turning his attention to the screen. They followed Blaze the dog on a series of increasingly incredible adventures, watched as he overcame adversity and emerged victorious. The movie was suitably fast paced and the dialogue well thought out to balance humour with the more serious theme.

"That was actually pretty good" Erin said as the credits began to roll.

"Can we get a dog?" Kelly questioned, dead serious.

"What?" She questioned, sure she must have misheard him.

"A dog, I've never had one" He explained.

"No, you have Pouch at work" She reminded, Pouch didn't officially belong to anyone but as the firehouse dog she was part of Kelly's extended family.

"But she isn't my dog" He replied, Blaze might be animated but he was sure he could get a fairly similar dog then train it up.

"You don't need a dog, nor do you really want one. Trust me they're more trouble than they're worth" Erin said, unprepared to even consider the possibility any longer.

"Okay" He grumbled, temporarily happy to let it go. After doing some research he would try again. Erin couldn't stop memories from her childhood flooding back, there was no way they were getting a dog. She became more and more convinced as she drove them home. Shay was still fast asleep so after transitioning her to her crib Erin and Kelly took the opportunity to spend some more time alone together.

**Hello! This update might seem a little late but I'm trying to adjust to the different timezone (it's a 2 hour difference). Perth is awesome so far but I'm staying with family so I don't have a set schedule, I'll write and post when I can but I can't promise it'll be daily. I really hope you liked this chapter, I'm trying to give you some cute Linseride before the drama of wedding planning begins :D I think tomorrow will cover the reactions of the members of the IU and Firehouse 51...**

**P.S - Blaze isn't a real movie, I totally made it up (I was going to use Planes Fire and Rescue but then I pictured a really cute animated dalmatian and came up with my own movie idea). **

**P.P.S - I didn't really proofread this...Let me know if you spot any mistakes (other than the usual Australian/American spelling differences). **


	36. Chapter 36

Despite her best efforts Erin was running late when it came to getting to work on Monday morning. It was hard to get motivated after such a wonderful weekend with her little family. When she had finally dragged herself out the door Kelly had been in the middle of trying to teach Shay the rules of ice hockey. Shay looked quite confused but still entertained her father with an occasional 'yep' or 'mhm' both of which she had learned from listening to her mother on the phone. Erin had woken up to find a reminder on her phone, Shay's first birthday was only a month away. This on top of the fact that Shay's Blackhawks jersey no longer fit forced Erin to realise that her tiny baby was growing up. Getting to work on time, leaving her baby home to continue to grow, seemed like a very low priority. When Erin did eventually arrive at the district she rushed in, eager to avoid a lecture from Voight.

"Lindsay" Platt called, Erin stopped and backtracked to the desk curious to see what Platt wanted.

"Yes?" Erin demanded.

"You're late" Platt said with a smile.

"Later every second" She explained before racing up the stairs, Platt's laughter following her the whole way to the top.

"We were starting to think you might not be coming" Voight greeted as she strode to her desk, threw her jacket over the chair and turned to check the whiteboard.

"Sorry" She murmured.

"Halstead, run her through what we have so far in the car on your way to interview the aunt" Voight instructed. Erin grabbed her jacket and followed Halstead out to the car. She could already tell it was going to be a long day.

"Good morning" Halstead remembered to say as he slid into the passenger seat.

"It's morning but I don't know about good" She answered, feeling a complete lack of motivation.

"Oh, Voight's just grumpy because the case is tricky not because you were late, Ruzek only arrived about a minute before you" He said, trying to encourage her to stay positive.

"Whatever" Lindsay replied, sliding her hands across the steering wheel, waiting for him to comment on the ring. Halstead spent the remainder of the trip bringing her up to date on the case. A married couple, Brian and Rachel Reid, with three small children had been found dead, yet there was no visible cause of death. The laboratory had found it to be a case of cyanide poisoning, something that was increasingly rare. Commander Fisher had allocated the case to intelligence after homicide failed to achieve anything in three whole days. Voight had expected it to be an easy way to start the week but so far it was as convoluted as a murder mystery novel.

"So Rachel's sister, Bronte, is the one who found the bodies. She's already given a statement but we need to make sure she didn't leave anything out" Halstead added as they got out of the car and made their way to the second floor apartment.

"Yes?" Bronte questioned when she opened the door a few moments later.

"Good morning ma'am, we're detectives with the Chicago Police Department looking to ask you a few more questions" Halstead explained, they both produced their badges as proof and were led into the apartment. It took a few minutes to get past the basic questions but soon enough they were learning more about the family, none of it seemed particularly relevant to the case though. After relaying the new information to the rest of the unit they decided to do some digging into Brian's business ventures. Erin made sure to accept files with her left hand, hoping that someone would eventually notice her new ring. It was disheartening when nobody seemed to notice but she tried to keep in mind that they were men, detectives alright, but still men. Erin started to suspect there was something more to the situation when she took a moment to get a coffee. Nadia sat eating a sandwich so Erin stopped to have a chat, she hadn't really had much of a chance to check in on her and now was as good a time as any.

"Hey, how have you been?" Erin questioned sliding into the chair opposite Nadia.

"Good" Nadia answered looking a little uncomfortable.

"Done anything fun recently?" Erin probed wondering when it had become so hard to talk to Nadia, they had been very close for a while but had drifted apart as life got in the way.

"Not really" Nadia shrugged. Erin noticed her gaze locked intently on the new ring and started to hope that Nadia would bring it up, she certainly didn't want to have to. Instead Nadia stuffed the last of her sandwich into her mouth and scurried away back to her desk. With a frustrated sigh Erin got up and headed for her desk, at least there she could pretend to be doing something useful. When it finally ticked around to four o'clock she started staring blankly at Voight's office door, surely any minute he would come out and tell them all to go home. They clearly weren't making any progress on the case, without a suspect who had both means and motive they were stuck. The combination of experience in knowing when to give up, go home and start afresh and wanting to be at home with family made Erin's mind cease productive functioning. When Voight did finally emerge to tell them to go home Erin realised she would soon lose her chance to announce her engagement. If she left it until the next day they would think she wasn't excited. She had just really wanted one of them to notice, Nadia had but hadn't said anything and Halstead had been acting a little odd all day. Something was going on but she didn't know what so she seized the opportunity.

"Um..." She started weakly, it was still loud enough to gain everyone's attention though. With all eyes fixed on her she felt pressured to continue but hadn't actually considered what she should say. "I just wanted to let everyone know that Kelly and I got engaged on the weekend" Erin finished, it sounded pathetic. She was quite shocked to hear Voight laugh.

"I'm really sorry kid" He said when he was finally able to speak again. Erin had used the time to scan the faces of her colleagues, all looking strangely guilty.

"What?" She demanded feeling less than impressed at being left out of something.

"Voight said he'd buy a round at Molly's if we didn't say anything" Ruzek informed.

"I don't understand. You bribed them so they wouldn't acknowledge it? What does that even achieve? It certainly isn't funny. I see you all as family and this is a really big deal, you'd rather free beer than bothering to congratulate me. Thanks a lot" Erin said, first turning on Voight then the rest of the unit. She paused momentarily to hear their response then decided she didn't really care. Angry and confused she marched out to her car, ignoring her phone as it started to ring. Erin was just buckling her seat belt when it started to ring for the second time, at least if she checked who it was she could decline the call she decided. Much to her surprise it was Kelly. "Hey" She answered straight away.

"Are you alright?" He questioned straight away picking up on the changes to her voice.

"Fine, what's up?" She said, turning the focus back on him.

"I was just thinking we could stop in at 51 for dinner to share the news. We don't have to if you don't want" He offered undermining himself for fear of being insensitive, something was clearly going on with her.

"Sounds great, I'm about to leave work now. I can drop by on my way home and see who's cooking" Erin suggested.

"They'll see the ring" He objected.

"Oh yeah" She realised watching intently as the rest of the intelligence unit arrived in the car park, she really didn't want to hang around any longer.

"I'll call and let them know we're coming, you just come home" He instructed.

"Alright, see you soon" She agreed dropping her phone into the cup holder as she moved to start the car. The drive home gave her time to mull over what had happened. Voight wasn't the type for jokes so she suspected he was more opposed to the engagement than he had let on at lunch. Surely he knew that asking everyone to pretend not to notice would hurt her, something he had never sought to do before. When she arrived home she decided to push her feelings aside and enjoy some family time. Shay had graduated to a puzzle with a piece for each letter of the alphabet so Erin joined in. Time seemed to slow down again as she savored every glance and jerky movement from Shay, soon enough she wouldn't need help doing puzzles. After that it would be no time before she was off at school, then to college and beyond, the thought was quite daunting for Erin.

"What are you thinking?" Kelly asked, unable to read her if she refused to look at him.

"She's just growing so fast and I'm missing it to go work with idiots" She explained.

"I thought you liked working and since when are they idiots?" He questioned.

"Since Voight ordered them not to comment on the ring, so I was waiting all day for someone to notice but they didn't. I was starting to wonder if they even care..." Erin trailed off unable to stop herself from pouring out the problem.

"That's stupid. Look, your family might be rude but mine aren't trust me. Everyone at 51 is going to be really excited for us" Kelly assured pulling her into a hug.

"I hope so, I was really excited. I just wanted to share that" She sighed. After a few minutes she started to feel better so he released her. She took Shay and headed upstairs so they could both get ready to leave. Kelly sure was right when it came to everyone at 51 being excited. As soon as they spotted the ring there were cheers and congratulatory hugs. Dawson was quick to jump in and offer to lend Erin her collection of bridal magazines, an offer Erin found difficult to refuse.

"So do we get an engagement party?" Otis questioned knowing it could be an opportunity to promote Molly's as a venue.

"Yeah of course, we just need to figure some stuff out first" Kelly assured as he looked across to check at Erin was alright. They settled down to chat while waiting for dinner. Brett and Cruz were in the kitchen working hard to combine their very different culinary approaches. Dinner turned out to be incredible, though Shay stole all the attention by colluding with Pouch to avoid eating any of the pumpkin. Having fed half her portion to the dog Shay was keen to get on and play, this largely meant crawling around under the table. At least it kept her entertained while her parents finished eating. They had ice cream to celebrate the occasion, Herrmann even revealed his secret stash of rainbow sprinkles. Erin, Gabby and Sylvie formed a group at one end of the table, discussing everything to do with wedding and party planning. Erin still wasn't sure she'd ever want something large scale but enjoyed the distraction none-the-less.

"Wait up! You can't get married" Mills declared.

"Why not?" Kelly was quick to challenge.

"Detective Severide doesn't sound nearly as cool as Detective Lindsay" Mills explained. Erin traded a look with Kelly, she hadn't even considered changing her name and she hoped he knew that.

"We'll figure it out" Erin interjected before Kelly could commit to either option. They could still be married and have different names. They both returned to their conversations knowing they would bring up the topic for discussion later on when they were alone. Erin managed to steer the conversation away from weddings ending up talking about how soon Shay's birthday was. "Has anyone seen Shay?" Erin questioned, panic rising as she scanned the room and couldn't spot her usually boisterous baby. Everyone was up and searching in a matter of seconds, no one quite sure when they had last seen her or what she was doing. Erin couldn't stop herself looking everywhere, even in places too small for Shay to fit. Thankfully it wasn't long before she was found.

"She's in here" Matt Casey called from his office, Erin and Kelly were the first to arrive, eager to see that Shay was alright. She had clearly made friends with Shay as the pair now slept together, snuggled against each other in the corner of the carpeted room. Feeling massively relieved they decided to take her home and get her to bed. It took another half hour to farewell everyone but in the end they made it home. Laying in bed side by side there were two subjects running though Kelly's mind for discussion.

"Shay and Pouch get on really well" He started, picking the easier battle first.

"We are not getting a dog" She answered quickly.

"Erin please, I'll look after it" He reasoned.

"You work 24 hour shifts" She reminded knowing it would be impossible for her not to get involved.

"At least tell me why you're so against the idea" He requested, if he knew her thoughts he could work around them to get what he wanted, a dog.

"I had a dog when I was little, really little, I barely remember her but I remember how she died" Erin answered struggling not to get emotional as she remembered the exact moment, in terrible detail.

"What happened?" Kelly asked too intent on knowing the full story to consider how painful it was for Erin to remember.

"My dad killed her, he got angry at me because I gave her a sausage. He should have hurt me, I tried to stop him but I was only really little so he beat her and killed her" She replied instantly brushing away the lone tear that escaped.

"I'm sorry" He said as he pulled her closer.

"I can't do it again, you get attached and then they die" She concluded pushing him away.

"Alright, I'm sorry" He apologised realising that tonight was definitely not the right time for serious discussions. Instead he held her tightly, letting her know that he was happy to accept her decisions if she provided valid justification. Erin struggled to get to sleep, the case, Voight's behavior and memories of her childhood all taking over her mind.

**Alright so today I had an idea: The person who writes the 100th review of this fic will receive a bonus one-shot (pairing and scenario of their choice - approx. 2000 words)...I'm both fishing for reviews and interested in broadening horizons as far as my writing is concerned. I will PM the person and from there they can make their requests (I will then post the completed one-shot and dedicate it to them). I know it isn't much but I feel like you guys deserve something special (especially my lovely loyal reviewers ). Additionally I'm on holidays so I'm in a really good mood :D **

**P.S - We are currently at 93 reviews.**


	37. Chapter 37

"What's wrong?" Kelly asked as Erin took out her frustrations on the clean dishes she was putting away.

"Nothing" She lied slamming the cupboard door regardless of the fact that Shay was still sleeping, Kelly had been as well only moments earlier.

"Voight" He guessed.

"I called in sick" She replied slamming the empty dishwasher closed.

"That bad?" He asked suddenly concerned.

"I just don't want to deal with it right now" She explained, she felt tired and confused. Her happiness shouldn't hinge on Voight's approval but he had done so much for her that she felt she owed him.

"What about the case you're working on? Don't those kids deserve to know who killed their parents" Kelly said hoping to motivate her to put the Voight drama aside in favour of the case.

"They can figure it out without me" Erin said after taking a sip of the scalding coffee.

"Okay then" He agreed, stepping past her to start preparing Shay's breakfast, combining the cereal and milk early gave it time to soften. Erin stepped back and watched as Kelly moved through his morning routine. Shay was perplexed to see her mother still there for breakfast but didn't let it distract her from her food. Erin attempted to go back to bed to read but she found herself stuck on the same line of text, reading it over and over again, unable to focus. Catching herself trying to solve the Voight dilemma she decided she needed to do something useful.

"Laundry" She said to herself as she jumped out of bed and headed purposefully through the house. She carried the sheets she had avoided folding over the weekend to the dining room table, laying fitted sheets out flat was the only way she could fold them into a somewhat regular shape. Halfway through folding the sheet she had a better idea. Erin picked them up and carried them to the couch. Kelly and Shay were in the process of destroying the city they had constructed using blocks but both stopped to watch. Erin dragged the coffee table out of the way then pulled the cushions from the couch to make walls. She stopped for a moment to admire her work then dashed to the dining room, returning with two chairs. A moment later she had completed the construction phase by draping sheets over her construction and moved on to furnishing. Pillows and blankets covered the floor inside the compact blanket fort. She crawled in, pulled a blanket over herself and lay down. Shay was quick to join her, almost collapsing the fort in the process. Kelly was hesitant to join in, concern for Erin growing as he watched her revert to such childlike behaviour. Eventually it got to the point he could no longer resist discovering the source of the laughter.

"Room for one more?" He questioned as he pulled the sheet across to make an entrance.

"Of course" Erin replied, shifting a little to make room for him. Kelly crawled into the space and lay down.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked reaching across to hold her hand.

"I'm not" She answered honestly for once. "But I don't want to talk about it, or think about it. I just want to spend some time with you and Shay, she's growing so quickly and I don't want to forget this" She continued.

"Alright, lets make some rules for our little sanctuary" He suggested after taking a moment to process what she had said.

"No talking about work" She suggested instantly.

"Or other people, this is a family only space" He informed.

"No nana" Shay voiced ensuring they kept her recent aversion to banana in mind.

"No lying or avoiding a question" Erin put forward after acknowledging Shay's rule.

"Only say positive things" He said triumphantly. The silence stretched as they both tried to think of new rules.

"I can't think of anything else" She said when she realised her mind had started to wander.

"Neither, I think that's enough though" He replied.

"We can always add more later" Erin reminded.

"Exactly. What now?" Kelly asked unable to resign himself to just laying around all day.

"Now we can talk" She stated.

"About?" He said, seeking clarification.

"Anything" She said, nodding resolutely.

"Mama, hug" Shay demanded before throwing herself at her mother.

"What are we doing for Shay's birthday?" Kelly asked simply.

"I really don't know, we have to have some sort of party though" She answered, she really just didn't want it to happen, Shay was the perfect age and size. Marking her birthday would only serve as a reminder that it was one less year she would rely on them.

"We have to have an engagement party too, that's a lot of organising" He complained realising he had spoken too soon.

"You're right, we can hardly combine them" Erin said with a sigh.

"Or could we? Shay's birthday party for lunch or in the afternoon then the engagement party at night. Having them both on the same day makes it worth flying in" He said, thinking particularly of Katie.

"I suppose we could, she's hardly going to remember it" She agreed as soon as she became aware of the viability of the situation. It would be a lot of work to host two parties in one day but it was possible.

"Should we have a theme?" He questioned moving from the technical side to the more fun.

"Or we could do it at the park or something so the house doesn't get completely wrecked" Erin proposed, never keen on making more housework than was already required.

"How about the zoo?" He asked after thinking about Shay for a moment, she liked her lion and making animal noises so it fit well.

"Do they do parties?" She asked.

"I think so but we could just set up on one of the patches of grass" He enthused, making it sound much easier than it would ever be in real life.

"But then there would be random people around" Erin said, highlighting the flaw in the idea.

"True...We'll think of something" He assured as they faded into silence again both trying to work out alternative venues. After a few minutes with no progress Kelly got distracted. "What type of cake?" He asked, eyes widening as he thought of the endless possibilities.

"Really? That's the next most important thing?" She questioned.

"Absolutely" He nodded.

"Shay what type of cake do you want?" She asked figuring that input from the birthday girl couldn't hurt.

"Sketti" Shay answered instantly.

"Spaghetti cake?" Erin asked using her tone to suggest Shay come up with another option.

"Pancake" Shay said.

"Now that's a good idea" Erin praised.

"We could make a giant stack of pancakes, rainbow ones with syrup and whipped cream between the layers" Kelly said, clearly keen on the idea.

"We? Are you volunteering to make it?" She asked.

"Sure, I'll have to practice to get the perfect recipe but I hardly think you'll complain about eating the samples" He agreed with a small laugh.

"I certainly won't" She said excitedly.

"Wait here, I have an idea" He said shuffling out with ease. Erin rolled onto her stomach, enjoying the freedom of the extra space as she wondered about Kelly's idea.

"What's that for?" She asked when he returned with a notebook and some pens.

"Draw it" He instructed as he tore out a page and handed it to her along with a pen.

"I can't draw" Erin protested.

"That doesn't sound very positive to me! Just try it" He enforced. Reluctantly Erin put pen to paper, drawing not only the cake but the layout of the entire table, every important party food plus a few of her own favourites.

"What do you think?" She asked handing him her rough drawing, he took a moment to analyze it before commenting.

"I think this is great, better than my idea" He said quickly moving his own piece of paper out of view.

"Show me" She demanded, he gave in and placed the picture before her. While she had focused entirely on the food his plan stretched to include her. His detailed nothing less than a ball pit and jumping castle.

"Now we have something to work towards" He said with a stiff nod. His biggest concern was figuring out how to get the jumping castle into the zoo. Drawing their answerer resulted in a stack of drawings, of varying artistic talent and skill as the day wore on. After they had exhausted the birthday party topic they stopped for a few moments, taking time out while Shay climbed all over them. Kelly made a trip to the kitchen and returned with ice cream for lunch.

"When did you buy this? I thought we ran out" Erin asked looking at the tub suspiciously.

"Yesterday" He admitted. After passing out the spoons the three of them sat in their sanctuary, each enjoying a different stripe of the Neapolitan container. Shay made a mess with a handful of ice cream, dripping pink ice cream across a white blanket. Without negativity it was easy to laugh off the incident and vow to fix it at a later date. After their unhealthy lunch, Erin made Shay eat a special baby muesli bar, they returned to planning and plotting. Inevitably the topic of the wedding came up so they both drew versions of their dream wedding, making notes and listening intently to the ideas they had in common.

"I think we need to focus on the two parties we've already committed ourselves to before we think about the wedding any more" Erin said as Kelly suggested she draw the wedding dress of her dreams, a task that was considerably harder than he made it sound.

"That's probably a good idea, I'm just excited" Kelly laughed rolling to face Erin.

"I'm excited too" She said pouring every ounce of motivation into making it seem like a genuine statement. Erin had tried to make it very clear that the purpose of the wedding was to fulfill his wishes rather than her own. She wanted Kelly not a big wedding with a dress or cake.

"We'll make it perfect" He guaranteed hoping that she was simply really good at masking her wedding related feelings instead of being disinterested.

"You'll be there, that's all the perfect I need" She said, indulging her desire to remind Kelly how strongly she felt about him more often. They spent the afternoon drawing up guest lists and silly seating plans before giving in to exhaustion for an afternoon nap. They woke feeling refreshed and eager to get back on with life. Erin regretted taking the easy out and found all the motivation she needed to talk to Voight, first thing in the morning. In the mean time she was going to try out a new recipe for dinner then watch some form of televised sporting event while enjoying Kelly's company. He carried her to bed just after the final buzzer rang out, ending the basketball game, and tucked her in. Kelly took a moment to be thankful for Erin, especially when she was at peace, externally anyway.

**Alright, I had a massive day and I almost fell asleep writing this...first time I've been that tired when writing. Sorry it isn't up to my usual standard :/**

**P.S - Still only at 96 reviews...keep them coming :D**


	38. Chapter 38

**So I ended up at a concert until midnight...then I got back to the house and found that my computer had picked up a number of viruses (I knew there was something I forgot to update the other day :/) it's all sorted now (I hope)...Anyway it means that this chapter is a bit short and disjointed, I still got out everything I needed to, just not in the best possible way. I didn't want to leave you hanging, I'll update properly tomorrow :D**

Erin was up and out the door before Kelly was fully awake. Heading straight for Voight's house she ran over the possible directions the conversation could travel, none were particularly appealing. She knew one thing for certain, she was going to marry Kelly, with or without Voight's support. Knocking on his front door she questioned how best to start the conversation.

"Erin, what's up?" He asked when he pulled the door open to see her pacing back and forth across his front porch.

"We need to talk" She said, pushing past him into the house. Leading the way into the sitting room she stopped and turned to check he had followed. "I don't know why you thought it would be okay to get the unit to ignore my engagement, but that's really not okay. You can ignore it if you want, though I'm a little confused because you seemed fine with it at lunch the other day. Basically I don't care what you think, the rest of the unit can form their own opinions, if they conflict with yours that's your problem not mine" Erin stated feeling instantly relieved.

"I'm sorry" He replied softly, slightly taken aback by her straight to the point approach. "I just want you to be doing this for you, not because it's what people expect" He added when he'd had a moment to think.

"I'm not a kid anymore, I am doing this for me, and for Kelly and Shay" Erin said with great conviction.

"I wanted to give you a chance to think about it before everyone came rushing in with opinions and advice. It didn't turn out how I intended at all, I am really sorry" He reiterated, he had known she wasn't sick but had no idea that this was what the problem had been. In truth he had regretted saying anything at all, he needed to learn to trust that he'd raised her right. It was hard to look at her and not remember the struggling teen she had been when they first met. At that point she had already been through so much and he knew she deserved a smooth run from here on out.

"Good. Just to clear things up, in case you're in any doubt, I love Kelly and I want to spend the rest of my life with him" She assured.

"I get that, I just know that up until he proposed you were against marriage" He reminded recalling the numerous conversations they had had on the topic over the years.

"I know, it just felt right" She answered, it was weak but there was no way to describe what she had felt in the moment that Kelly knelt down.

"Yeah?" He asked sounding skeptical

"How did you know when to ask Camille?" She questioned in the hope that relating it back to his own life would help him understand.

"It was just the thing you did back then, after you dated for a year or so, it was expected" He said, knowing well that she was right. There was a particular feeling associated with the realisation that that one other person was the one to spend the rest of your life with.

"But you still felt something, like you wanted to have a family and grow old together" Erin checked suddenly concerned her plan would backfire. Camille and Hank were such a strong couple, the perfect role model for her as a teen, surely there was more to it than societal expectations.

"Of course" He acknowledged, looking over his shoulder to check the time..

"Well that's how I feel with Kelly, I don't see the wedding as anything more than a way to celebrate that feeling" She justified.

"Alright, it's just a little sudden" Hank said finally.

"A few weeks ago you were bleeding to death on the floor of a crack house, maybe I've learned to seize the day" She defended quickly, it still wasn't a pleasant thing to bring up. Just the mental images were enough to make her feel nauseous. However, her words had the desired effect and he stopped for a moment.

"Are you coming to work today?" He questioned, figuring that questioning her logic was pointless.

"Yeah" She nodded.

"Well in that case, you're late, get going" He instructed, throwing in a small smile so she knew that everything was alright.

"I'll see you there" Erin assured.

"Erin, wait!" He called after her, she stopped on the spot and turned back to see what was wrong. "I'm so proud of you, everything you've managed to achieve over the years. Including building your own family with Shay...and Kelly" He said finally accepting that Erin's judgment would have to suffice, not that he really had any reason to dislike Kelly. There was just always the possibility that he could hurt her, apparently Erin loved him enough to take the risk.

The smile Erin gave him when he arrived at the district, a full twenty minutes after her, communicated clearly that everything was once again fine between them. He ordered them to work and made his way to his office, still displeased to remain behind when they went on raids. Explaining to Halstead the reasoning behind her day off was more difficult than she had expected but it was over by the time they arrived at the new gang head quarters. After receiving a tip off that the gang had moved they had decided it was the perfect opportunity to let their presence be known. They'd probably come away with a few minor drug offenses, nothing particularly dramatic.

Erin did not expect to have a gun pressed against her head only seconds after entering the house. Initially it was chaos, everyone yelling, her own instincts to fight only making the offender grip her hands tighter. Then things slowed as Halstead initiated negotiations, all the while watching as Antonio and Atwater made their way up behind the man holding Erin. Time slowed further, Erin had no idea what was going on behind her but could tell Halstead was trying to maintain her captors attention, she assisted by struggling as much as was possible. Forcing him to readjust his grip and providing the perfect opportunity for her colleagues to strike. The gun was gone and she was practically thrown from his arms, Halstead steadied her and checked that she was alright.

"Just part of the job" She laughed, slightly hysterically given the rush of adrenaline.

"Lindsay, you good?" Antonio questioned as Atwater roughly dragged their cuffed offender past the Halstead and Lindsay.

"Fine" She nodded. Erin was almost concerned at how just how lacking in fear she had been. At first the shock of the situation had gotten to her, then when the intelligence guys had started yelling she knew she would be alright. Voight might not have been there to save her but the rest of the unit were. They had done their jobs perfectly, just as she had expected. Erin put a round a Molly's on the line if they refrained from telling Voight about the whole thing, he would only worry and overdo his rehabilitation work to get back to protecting her. She understood that this was exactly the problem she had had with Voight, bribing the unit to keep quiet about something. Somehow though it was completely justifiable in her mind, ignoring the guilt she got to work on her report. Owing drinks at Molly's didn't actually mean drinks after work for her, she had a family she would much rather spend time with. She gave Halstead some cash then headed home. "Kelly we need to talk" She called as she kicked off her shoes.

"In here" He called back as softly as possible while still getting across the information. She found him on the couch, Shay sleeping against his chest. "What's up?" He asked.

"We need to set a date" She answered rushing into the kitchen, she returned with their calendar.

"What's going on?" He asked, still confused about their conversation.

"I had a bit of a close call at work, I don't want to wait forever to marry you so I want to set a date"

"Alright then" He agreed though he had to bite his tongue not to question the nature of her close call. Any close call was certainly enough to worry him.

"How about then?" She asked pointing to a blank weekend on the second page.

"I don't know, the weather could interfere" He answered sensibly, pulling the calendar from her hands so he could attempt to find it himself. "This is the best we can do" He concluded after flicking through the calendar.

"That's six months away" She complained slightly.

"You still have to work, and plan or organise the wedding. I'll be over before you know it" He promised as she took a seat beside him.

"Okay, done then. That's the date" She confirmed reaching across to the coffee table for a marker, all there was were stamping pens. Selecting an appropriate combination of red love hearts and yellow bell shapes she marked the day on the calendar.

"I'm already excited" Kelly admitted. Erin laughed then leaned across and kissed him, communicating her mutual excitement with actions rather than words. They settled in together to watch some television before dinner, Shay still sleeping peacefully oblivious to the drama that was going to unfold over the next few months. Wedding planning was rarely smooth but Erin was up for the challenge.

**Regarding my 100th review one-shot prize: According to the site I still only have 97 reviews (it is being spaz and doesn't count guest reviews...I think it's probably something to do with my settings but it's 2am so I'm not going to figure it out now...forgive me). I am going to count guest reviews and that makes Joy the winner! Congratulations! Now the problem is working out how we will communicate. I don't feel comfortable sharing my personal email as it includes my full name - tomorrow morning (wait...this morning!) I will make another email account and post the address with the next update so you can you can contact me (I'm making the assumption that you have an email account). That's the easiest way I can think of :D Happy? If not I guess you could just post any requests in a review, it's up to you :D**


	39. Chapter 39

**Hello, I am having the best time on holidays and I know you love fluff so this chapter is full of it! This fic has already surpassed my wildest expectations, I still have plenty in store but I might need to have some time jumps...I'm not really sure but I wanted to warn you ahead of time. You see when I published the first chapter of A New Beginning I had ten chapters already written, these days I write each chapter the day it's published...I want to get back to having a few chapters as a buffer but in the mean time I'm going to get back to enjoying my time in Perth and let you get on with reading :D**

"Erin, I need your help" Gabby requested over the phone.

"Sure, what's up?" Erin asked, Gabby had never asked for anything before but with the amount of babysitting she had done Erin was already open minded.

"I'm going wedding dress shopping this weekend, I was supposed to be going with my cousin but she can't make it so I thought you might like to come. You can try on some dresses too. It'll be fun!" Gabby said hopefully. Erin stopped to think for a moment it would potentially be a lot of fun but at the same time there was still heaps to do before Shay's birthday and the engagement party. With such a hectic work schedule it was approaching much faster than Erin had anticipated. This was a great opportunity to assess the choices, she wasn't a fan of big wedding dresses but she needed something.

"Alright, sure. Just send me the details" She agreed, it would only be a few hours.

"Really?" Gabby checked, having expected more hesitation or even the use of Shay as an excuse.

"Why not? You're right, it'll be fun" Erin enthused suddenly fully committed to the idea.

"Okay well I'll pick you up at seven on Saturday morning" Gabby replied, sounding equally enthusiastic.

"Seven?" Erin questioned, the weekend was her only chance to sleep in, even just to eight o'clock.

"Yeah, an early start is necessary if we're going to get to all the shops I have on my list" Gabby explained, clearly taking things much more seriously than Erin.

"So you're not planning on buying the first dress you like?" She asked.

"You're not allowed to let me, I have to check out all the options before I commit to anything" Gabby instructed.

"Can do, I've got to go but I'll see you on Saturday" Erin said as she watched Antonio and Atwater arrive back from their stake out.

"Sure thing" Gabby concluded. Erin scrawled 'Wedding Dress - Saturday' on a sticky note and attached it to her monitor. Then she listened intently as Antonio filled them in on the information they had found. The drugs were being smuggled from Indianapolis to Chicago disguised as acrylic nail powder, sold directly from cheap nail salons who employed hundreds of illegal immigrants. It was a much bigger operation than they had been expecting, and the new information signaled it was time to get the feds involved. As soon as they did they lost control of the case, something Voight loathed. It meant however that the unit got the afternoon off. Nobody had anything planned so Antonio organised dinner at a local pizza restaurant, the invitation open to everyone. Erin stopped at home to pick up Kelly and Shay, very glad that Antonio had deviated from the usual night at Molly's for something more family friendly. They stuffed themselves on pizza and enjoyed the novel, relaxed environment. Erin completely forgot to speak with Kelly about her new plans for Saturday.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Kelly asked when Erin started setting an alarm for the next morning as they lay in bed on Friday night.

"Setting an alarm" She answered, it was fairly obvious.

"What for?" He questioned, clearly confused.

"Oh, oops! I forgot to tell you I'm going wedding dress shopping with Gabby tomorrow" She realised suddenly.

"Tomorrow morning?" He asked. Erin wondered why he was being so slow.

"Yeah. Is that a problem?" She demanded, feeling frustrated that he seemed to be making such a big deal of it.

"I expected you'd look after Shay, I have to head in to the department headquarters to try and get them to clear Newhouse" Kelly explained with a groan, nothing was ever easy.

"Oh" Erin managed, now that she saw the problem she needed a quick solution. "I can ask Jay or Hank to watch Shay" She suggested.

"I'm sure Voight would enjoy spending some time with her" He said encouragingly, he was secretly still anxious about Erin finding out about Halstead's role in the engagement.

"I'll figure it out" She said before composing a text message to Voight.

* * *

"Everything he could possibly need is in the bag" Erin said gesturing to the bag she had packed for Shay to take to Grandpa Hank's.

"I've got it sorted, you have fun" Kelly assured as the clock ticked to seven o'clock. While it was inconvenient to have to make the side trip to Voight's house it was worth it if it meant Erin could have a little time off. She deserved it after working so hard over the last few weeks as a detective and as a fiancee and mother. He also couldn't wait to see what she chose to wear for their wedding, in his opinion she would look perfect in anything.

"I'll try" She promised, giving him a quick kiss before opening the front door.

"Don't let Gabby bully you into anything" He warned knowing Dawson particularly well.

"I won't" She nodded pleased to see Gabby pull up out the front. Kelly kissed her softly before allowing her to rush down the front stairs and climb into Dawson's car.

"Good morning" Gabby greeted cheerfully as soon as Erin pulled open the door.

"Morning" Erin replied as she secured her seat belt.

"First stop is the furthest away so we can talk about preferences on the way" Gabby informed as she followed the GPS's instructions to the main road. Erin felt completely out of her depth as Gabby discussed fabrics, styles and cuts like a professional, it all sounded complicated. All she wanted was a nice dress, simple, elegant and comfortable. Their first stop turned out to be a tiny boutique with a few dozen dresses to choose from, Gabby quickly communicated with the shop assistant to narrow that down to four possibilities. When the shop assistant asked Erin what she was interested in she made excuses about her first priority being Gabby. After all she was marrying Casey in just less than three months, all that was left to do was find the right dress. "What do you think?" Gabby asked when she emerged from the change room wearing the first of her choices.

"Honestly?" Erin questioned.

"That's why I brought you" Gabby nodded thought she was slightly worried about the criticisms that were about to be voiced.

"It looks like you gave some toddlers a roll of toilet paper each so they ran around wrapping you in it" She answered.

"But I really like it" Gabby said, looking to the shop assistant for support.

"You look wonderful" the shop assistant persuaded, Erin wondered just what a designer dress like that would cost.

"I really like it Erin" Gabby repeated looking at herself in the mirror.

"Try on a different one" Erin instructed. Unfortunately it was downhill from there, each dress worse than the last. Thankfully there were only four, Erin was running out of tactful ways to say 'you look terrible'. Gabby had her heart set on the first dress, Erin had to step in when the sales assistant started pressuring Gabby for a deposit. "You told me not to let you buy until you'd seen all the options" She reminded as she dragged Gabby back to the car.

"That doesn't mean you have to be rude" Gabby snapped back, quite unused to not getting her way.

"Oh please, she just wanted the money" Erin grumbled in response. The only positive was that she had been able to acquire the right to drive. Even in an unfamiliar car Erin was quick to begin making evasive traffic maneuvers. If the hour and a half it took to try on four dresses was anything to go by it was going to be a very long day.

"Now we do the whole thing all over again, even though the perfect dress for me is back at the other store" Gabby said as she held open the door for Erin. She was forced to take her statement back when she fell in love with another dress. "How about this one?" She asked, giving a twirl to ensure Erin didn't miss a detail.

"You said no zippers" Erin interjected.

"Good point, but otherwise alright?" Gabby questioned.

"Do you really want that much fabric? It seems a little excessive" Erin asked honestly, it was better than a blatant no.

"Alright, that rules out those two as well" Gabby instructed the shop assistant. Three stores and two coffees later Gabby decided it was time to get Erin into a dress. Without any idea what she wanted it was easy for Gabby to make suggestions for Erin. Their opinions on what looked good conflicted strongly. "Lace is so last year" Gabby said pretentiously, having read all the bridal magazines she could find.

"Since when do I care about trends?" Erin asked before taking a moment to admire herself. The full white dress was so elegant it would have made anyone look good. It was far from spectacular though. Once Gabby had played the critics role for three dresses she decided it was time to turn the focus back on herself. Erin was rather relieved but also resolved to stop lying. "No" She said as soon as the curtains parted, Gabby stepped back behind them and got started on the next dress. Erin might not be up to date on what was considered fashionable but she was awfully good at suggesting the most appropriate gowns.

"I really, seriously, actually, properly think this is it" Gabby announced two hours later as she admired herself in yet another floor length mirror. Erin struggled for a second, she had started to see her role as that of the devils advocate, with this dress though there were no flaws.

"I really, seriously, actually, properly think it could be. You look amazing" Erin replied.

"There's nothing you don't like about it?" Gabby questioned.

"For you it's perfect, exactly what you've been describing all day" Erin assured, it really did look stunning.

"What about the beaded one from before?" Gabby asked, bringing up the previous favourite.

"This one is way better" Erin confirmed.

"I'm not allowed to buy it today, I promised Matt I'd sleep on it! He doesn't want another invitation debacle" Gabby sighed. Erin was well aware that Gabby and Matt had had their invitations made only for Gabby to stumble across a theme, requiring alteration to the existing invitations. In the end they had been forced to start afresh.

"This is the last one we have in stock and it's limited edition" The sales assistant announced, Erin had really grown to hate their typically unhelpful comments.

"Can you put it aside for me? I'll come back tomorrow and pay for it"

"I'm not supposed to" The sales assistant said, making it sound almost painful.

"But you will for me" Gabby insisted authoritatively.

"I can pay the deposit, you won't be breaking your promise and you won't miss out on the dress" Erin suggested.

"Erin, no" Gabby said, shaking her head.

"I'm serious" Erin said to the sales assistant.

"I can't let you do that" Gabby worried

"Do you know how much I'd owe you if I had to pay for all the babysitting you've done for me?" Erin questioned.

"You're sure?"

"Certain" Erin said moving to the counter to pay the deposit.

"Thank you" Gabby said for the first of what would soon be a thousand times.

"Can we go home now?" Erin asked hopefully as they made their way around the block to the car.

"No! Now we have to find you the perfect dress, there are two more shops" Gabby protested.

"What if we see a dress you like better than the one you've just committed to?" Erin asked, slightly concerned that looking at more dresses would be tempting fate.

"I won't, I'm not looking for me anymore, just for you" Gabby assured, determined to return the favour in actions not just words.

"Fine, one more shop" Erin agreed.

"Tell me again what you're looking for" Gabby said as they started making their way to the next shop on the list.

"That's the problem, I don't really know" Erin sighed, she had a vague memory of a dress she liked but couldn't recall where she'd seen it.

"What do you like then?" Gabby asked.

"I don't care how last season it is, lace can be nice. Definitely not strapless" Erin said, the search for the closest car park began all over again.

"Yeah that works, what don't you like?" Gabby wondered, feeling like it might be more of a challenge than she'd thought.

"Poofy, I hate big! I need to be able to move normally, or relatively normally" Erin replied instantly. They made their way into the store, Gabby was a completely different person, intuitive and thoughtful in her dress suggestions.

"It's still not right" Erin said, sounding defeated. It was the last dress that fit all her criteria and it was still wrong. Even though she had never expected to find the perfect dress that day it was still frustrating to see so many good dresses but not a single great one.

"Home it is. I'll lend you some magazines so you can find something specific you like" Gabby resolved.

"Thank you" Erin remembered to say. Truth be told she couldn't wait to see Shay. Weekends were usually strictly for family, she didn't regret the day she'd had but she wanted to make it up to Shay. She was so impatient that she headed to Voight's house instead of her own. After a quick farewell to Gabby she made her way up the stairs, she didn't even stop to knock.

"How did it go?" Voight asked while watching Erin greet her daughter with a hug.

"It's madness" She replied honestly.

"Reconsidering?" He teased playfully.

"After the fifth shop, yeah!" Erin laughed.

"Five shops?!" He asked, shocked to think there could be anything so complicated it took five shops worth of options to find.

"More, I lost count. Gabby got a dress though" She said trying to remember the positive.

"No luck for you?" He wanted to know.

"Not yet, I still have ages to figure it out" She answered swinging Shay around on her hip, she noticed the photo on the mantle and stopped. That was it. That was the dress she had been looking for. It all made sense. When Voight had decided to take her in as a kid he had brought her home and made her wait in the sitting room until he had a chance to talk with his wife. Sixteen year old Erin had been left alone in the room with that photo, and two others. She'd studied them carefully, hoping that the kindness in the eyes of the woman in the pictures would be there in real life. Since then photo after photo had been added, one of Kelly, Erin and Shay sat at the far end. Pulling herself back to reality Erin reached out and ran her fingers along the frame.

"She looked so beautiful" Hank commented following her eyes to the photograph of himself and Camille on their wedding day.

"Yeah she did" Erin agreed, Camille had been the mother she had always wanted.

"Do you want me to see if I can find it?" He asked. "The dress" He clarified after a moment.

"Do you still have it?" She asked cautiously.

"Of course, I'm not sure where but give me a few days and I'll find it for you" He guaranteed.

"I'd love that" She nodded.

"You don't have to wear it, it might not even fit" He warned hesitantly.

"If it does though, that would be perfect, it would be perfect" Erin said before starting to worry that she was getting ahead of herself, she wasn't anything like Camille, tall and willowy, Erin shorter and stronger.

"I'll find it then. You'll look amazing in whatever you choose to wear, you can have it modified however you like. Camille would have loved all this wedding fuss" He said, giving a small, sad smile. Camille had been his soul mate, living without her was painful, especially in moments like these when he was overcome with pride.

"Probably, I feel like I need her help if I'm going to pull it off" Erin disclosed.

"It'll be great, I can always help out if you need" He assured feeling that the least he could do was be supportive.

"I know, thanks" She smiled.

"I might just go look until Kelly gets here" Hank said, leaving Erin and Shay to play together. Erin called for Voight the moment Kelly pulled up. She desperately wanted his search to have been a success but at the same time couldn't wait around while Shay needed dinner and bed. "Here you go, it was in the spare room just like I thought" Hank said holding up the dress carefully, even though it was protected in a bag.

"Can I come by and look at it in tomorrow? I don't want Kelly to see it" Erin requested.

"See what?" Kelly asked, as he pushed through the front door, Hank was back up the stairs in no time, hanging the dress on the back of the nearest bedroom door.

"Nothing, sure thing Erin" Voight assured as he made his way down the stairs.

"Thank you so much, we have to get her into bed" Erin said gesturing to Shay who was yawning in her fathers arms.

"Anytime" He reiterated as he followed them outside, waving from the front porch while they drove away. Seeing Erin in Camille's wedding dress would be incredible, a moment any father would be proud to witness.

**So Gabby came across as a little snobby in this chapter, I really like her as a character but I can see that she would be a complete bridezilla! I tried to redeem her in the end. Hope you liked this. **

**Joy: I made an email account but I can't post the address here due to the security settings (I even tried in a review...didn't think it would be an issue). Any chance you can just make an account so we can PM? It's super easy...if not you'll just have to tell me what you want in a review. I really didn't think it would be this complicated :D**


	40. Chapter 40

After a quick dinner, and even quicker bath Erin put Shay to bed. Kelly hadn't bothered to help, a clear sign his day had not gone well, so Erin was eager to find out what had happened. The fact that he was on his third beer only confirmed her fears, something bad had happened. She knew that Squad 3's response to their final fire in Colorado had been the source of an investigation. With both Kelly and Rick Newhouse having been hurt it was important to review the situation. Putting the excitement and nervousness about Camille's wedding dress out of her mind she joined him on the couch.

"Hey" He greeted enthusiastically, the beer starting to affect him.

"Hey" She replied not sure how to start the conversation tactfully. "How was your day?" She settled on, waiting until the adverts to speak.

"I don't want to talk about it" He said firmly.

"Please, it'll help" She persisted.

"No, go away" He said giving her a warning look. Erin felt frustrated but at the same time knew that shutting down was often her own response to a bad situation. Since becoming a parent she hadn't resorted to alcohol, something she was thankful for, it never seemed to help. Concluding that something bad had happened and that he was in a bad mood left Erin two choices. After giving his hand a firm squeeze, an attempt to convey support, she chose the easiest option and left him alone on the couch. Feeling much more relaxed after a shower she allowed her mind to float back to the wedding dress. She wanted to be excited but at the same time wanted to prevent the disappointment that was sure to result. Inspecting herself in the mirror she realised that the chances of the dress fitting, let alone looking flattering were slim. Then she felt bad for thinking about the dress instead of whatever crisis Kelly was having. Putting both subjects out of her mind she lay in bed and scrolled through the most current to do list she had on her phone, occasionally making amendments.. They really needed to start getting organised for their party spectacular. Party planning was a great distraction and boring enough that she got to sleep quickly.

"I'm going to quit my job" Kelly announced as he stumbled into the bedroom at some point later that night. Erin was startled awake by the sudden noise and felt particularly angry to have been woken by his drunken rambling.

"I'm trying to sleep" She grumbled, rolling to face the wall while pulling her second pillow over her head.

"I'm serious, I don't want to be firefighter anymore" He insisted, tugging the pillow out of the way.

"Shut up and go to sleep" She instructed using her most commanding tone.

"Erin, I love you" He transitioned to as soon as he saw his words weren't having the desired effect.

"Kelly, please" She pleaded, too tired to continue her previous approach. He leaned across to try and kiss her but she shoved him back, pushing him until he was lying flat on his back. "Go to sleep."

"But I love you" He whined.

"I love you when you do what I ask" Erin said encouragingly before rolling away and replacing her pillow. He continued to talk senselessly for a few moments then drifted off to sleep, snoring loudly. She desperately wanted to get back to sleep but her mind wouldn't allow it. There was simply too much to figure out, especially if Kelly continued to distance himself. She knew that in the scheme of things the stupid dress should be her lowest priority but the possibility of it fitting kept running through her head. If it didn't she would have to try and get a replica made, something that would surely be difficult as far as budgeting and time constraints were concerned. She had no idea how long she stayed awake just thinking but it definitely left her feeling less than when she woke up in the morning. At least she wasn't feeling as bad as Kelly, she personally thought he deserved the hangover. After a quiet morning with Shay she decided to seize the opportunity and get the dress trial over. Hank was pleased to see her and took over with Shay while Erin headed to what had once been her bedroom to change. It technically was still her bedroom, nothing much had changed over the years. Unzipping the garment bag she was thrilled to see that the beautiful white dress was in perfect condition. She touched the lace sleeve carefully then set about removing her outer layer of clothing. Pulling the dress from the hanger she noted just how light it was, unlike some of the dresses Gabby had forced her into the day before. The two dozen tiny buttons up the back of the dress made it difficult to get on, she didn't want to ask Hank for help though. Once the buttons were fastened she allowed herself to breathe a sigh of relief, so far so good. Hitching the skirt up she moved to face the mirror, letting the fabric fall she took in every detail of the dress. Perfect, delicate lace showing off the skin of her shoulders and arms then covering the white bodice. The bottom half of the dress was exactly what she had been looking for, not excessively tight nor poofy. Looking past the dress to herself she was amazed the dress would need some minor alterations but otherwise made her look incredible. It took a few moments just to peel her eyes away from the mirror, enjoying feeling pretty for once. "Hank, do you want to see it?" She called from the landing. A length adjustment was definitely necessary after she'd almost tripped as she walked.

"On my way" He replied lifting Shay from the floor, leaving her unsupervised would be asking for trouble.

"What do you think?" She questioned as soon as he came into view.

"I just..." He started. Erin looked up, wanting him to continue, and realised he was crying. Feeling completely out of her depth she moved towards him, eventually pulling him into a sideways hug.

"I'm sorry" She comforted as he turned away to compose himself.

"Don't apologise for being gorgeous. You look amazing, do you like it?" He questioned unsure how to redeem himself following his moment of weakness. He would have given anything for Camille to have seen this moment, the scrawny street kid they had invested time and love in had turned into a princess. The dress was stunningly perfect on Erin, of course it was very different to how it had looked on Camille but still just as beautiful.

"I love it, it's amazing. I feel strange in it though" She answered honestly.

"Like I said yesterday, you don't have to wear it" He reminded.

"But I will, I really want to. If that's still okay?" Erin questioned still not sure what had caused his reaction.

"Absolutely" He assured nodding eagerly.

"Thank you" She said hugging him again. Shay tried to grab at the dress but Erin pulled away, hesitant to put it in danger between now and the big day.

"You can keep it here for now. How about staying for lunch?" He asked hopefully.

"Yeah alright" She agreed, it was hardly as if she was looking forward to going home.

"I'll leave you to it" He said, stepping back towards the top of the stairs.

"Hank, can you unbutton me?" She questioned turning around, it really would halve the time it took to get it off.

"Sure, here" He replied handing Shay over. Erin kept Shay at arms length, she couldn't afford to ruin the dress at this point. Just as her arms started to shake from over exertion Hank finished the task. He took Shay back and headed downstairs to start lunch while Erin removed the dress, hesitantly. She took great care to hang it properly then stored it in the wardrobe alongside clothes she hadn't seen for years. Once dressed she joined Hank in the kitchen, thankfully he'd decided on simple ham and salad sandwiches. Erin made a deconstructed version for Shay and poured juice for everyone. Erin took the opportunity to question Hank on all things wedding related, like a typical guy he hadn't really contributed to any of the planning.

"At this point the dress is all I have" She commented with a small laugh, while it was an important component it was hardly the defining point of a wedding.

"No ideas for a venue?" He questioned.

"Well I hardly want to copy you and choose a church" She answered. Erin had ruled out churches straight away, much too traditional.

"Everything will fall into place, don't worry" He said, hopeful they could change the subject to something more interesting. Like always they ended up talking about work. Before Erin knew it the day had disappeared.

"I really should get home" She commented as they packed away the box of family photos he had brought out mid-conversation. Without them she probably would have left hours earlier. There was a particular type of happiness that stemmed from reflecting on good times.

"I'll see you in the morning" He answered making sure to hand her Shay's lion. Erin tried to form a plan on the way home, it was difficult without knowing how Kelly would be feeling. He might even be ready to talk, she held hope but also concern. What if the investigation hadn't gone well for him? His midnight ramblings about quitting his job had to be caused by something. All hope of a resolution left her when she arrived to find him on the couch, drinking again. He must have made a trip to purchase more alcohol because the number of empty bottles exceeded the supply they had had in the fridge.

"Kelly" She complained, too frustrated to bother arguing properly. She put Shay down on the floor then started collecting the bottles from the coffee table.

"You're in the way" He snapped leaning absurdly far to the right to see the television past her. Erin didn't trust herself to respond so she kept her mouth shut. After taking the empty bottles out to the recycling bin she returned to the lounge room. Snatching the remote from the arm of the couch she flicked the television off. Shay was playing with her toys in the corner so now was as good a time as any to talk.

"I was watching that" He said turning to face her properly.

"We need to talk, or rather, you do" She replied calmly.

"I can't talk about it because I don't understand it, please Erin just let me drink" He responded after downing the last bit of his beer.

"Why don't we do something fun with Shay instead?" Erin suggested knowing that bringing Shay into the conversation usually helped him see sense.

"No" He said, punctuating it with a shake of the head.

"I can't just let you keep drinking" She said as he rose from the couch and made for the kitchen. He returned with another beer in hand.

"If it's a problem I'll go to Molly's" He proposed as a simple solution.

"What? So you can embarrass yourself in front of your colleagues?" She demanded, already fighting the urge to yell, Shay the only thing stopping her.

"Erin please" He shrugged.

"No Kelly, tell me what's going on, tell me what you do understand, tell me something" Erin said quickly. "Anything" she added in a whisper.

"Talking isn't going to fix the problem" He said smugly taking a mouthful of beer.

"Well I don't know that! Because you won't talk to me" She hissed, looking across to see Shay watching them intently. "Stop drinking" She added as an afterthought, reaching across to pull the beer from his hand.

"No" He argued, holding the bottle firmly.

"Kelly" She groaned, refusing to let the bottle go.

"If I stop drinking will you leave me alone"

"No! We have to talk eventually, please just get it over with now" She pleaded. The words must have struck a chord because he instantly doubled his efforts to keep the beer in his hand.

"I am not going to talk, please shut up and go away" He said calmly gripping her wrist until she was forced to relinquish her grip on the bottle.

"Kelly?" She asked as she wondered whether crying would aid or worsen the situation, his behaviour had her close to tears already.

"What Erin? You want me to tell you everything? I'm not going to. Want me to stop drinking? THAT I CAN DO!" He yelled suddenly, throwing the bottle against the nearest wall. Now they were both standing, eyes locked, fury seeping from every pore. Shay was screaming in the background, ignored by both parents momentarily. Erin took a moment to calm herself, the adrenaline coursing through her veins made her sure she could fight him physically. In the end she decided on a more emotional attack. She twisted the ring from her finger and handed it to him before scooping up Shay and leaving the house. Once she was in the car she let the tears fall, eyes stinging and blurring making it impossible to drive. She didn't understand what had happened but she didn't want to, her attempts had failed and she was giving up before anything more serious happened. He wasn't the person she had thought he was if he was capable of terrorizing Shay just to make his point. Shay deserved more, Erin too. Realising this she wiped her eyes and started the car.

"Did you forget something?" Hank asked when he pulled open the door, he had seen her car pull up in the driveway. He knew his assumption was wrong the moment he saw her. "Come in, tell me what happened" He said placing his arm around her shoulders to guide her into the lounge room.

"Kelly's being an idiot" She managed before starting to cry. Just thinking about him made her feel sick. She wanted him so much, needed him, after everything they had been though together she was sure they could handle anything together. She would never have accepted his proposal otherwise. Now she wasn't even sure there was going to be a wedding, or a relationship.

**Oh no! More drama :P Just when you all thought I was going to stick to some minor wedding related drama... What's caused Kelly's stupid behaviour? **


	41. Chapter 41

Waking up in her old room made her feel like she had moved backwards. Feeling more out of control then when she had first moved in with the Voight's she took a moment to collect her thoughts before getting up. Having decided to pretend nothing had happened she got on with getting ready for work. Shay was unusually quiet and didn't even seem to mind when Erin had to improvise her breakfast. Completely unprepared Erin didn't even had clean clothes let alone the special fortified infant cereal Shay was used to. Hank made an effort to tread lightly around Erin, hopeful that she would talk to him when she was ready.

"You don't have to come to work today" He offered considerately.

"Of course I do, I've taken so many sick days I should probably be paying the department" She replied with a small laugh.

"What about Shay?" He asked.

"I'll call Cindy in a few minutes" Erin replied as she double checked her watch, it was still quite early.

"Alright, whatever you need, I'm here" Hank assured before heading upstairs to get himself ready for work. Erin was struggling with the sudden transition, just days earlier it had been Hank she was annoyed with. Focusing on getting ready for the day ahead Erin dressed Shay, thankful for her over-preparedness when it came to storing a clean outfit in the car. Finding clothes for herself was a little more difficult. Searching through the wardrobe yielded passable results, all the while trying not to look at the dress hanging right at the front. Taunting her with its perfection. Erin wanted to wear the dress, wanted to see Kelly's face when he saw her in it, she wanted the wedding as much as, if not more, than before. She resolved to fix things with Kelly. In the darkness the night before she had allowed herself to be angry and upset, the daylight forced her to realise the stark reality, all she had to do was forgive him. That process couldn't start until after work though. Checking her watch she pulled out her phone and made the call to Cindy, who was a little surprised but completely happy to take care of Shay.

"I'll see you at work" Erin called to Hank as she finished preparing to leave. Cindy was very excited to have Shay back and Erin was pleased to see Shay equally as keen. She felt particularly thankful that Cindy was so relaxed, and didn't even try to pry into the reasoning behind the sudden return.

"Nice to see you Shay" Chris commented when he stepped around her as he entered the kitchen to find his wife talking with Erin.

"It's been too long hasn't it" Cindy said to her husband.

"Well I expect they've been rather busy, big party coming up next weekend" He said giving Erin a small smile.

"That's right, very exciting" Cindy beamed.

"It is" Erin lied looking from Cindy to Chris. "Can we have a word?" Erin asked him.

"Sure" He agreed giving his wife a look.

"I'll go check the boys are ready for school" Cindy nodded, she was curious to know what was going on but didn't want to intrude.

"What's up?" Chris asked eager to know what Erin wanted to talk about.

"Do you know what happened yesterday at the department meeting Kelly went to?" She questioned seeing this as a great opportunity to get the information she desperately needed to fix things with Kelly.

"Oh it's a big mess isn't it" He said shaking his head.

"Yeah, but what actually happened?" She asked hoping he had the details.

"The department were okay with the Colorado situation, not happy with Kelly but there wasn't much they could do about it since they weren't technically in charge at the time. Then it got to be all about Newhouse, he's been off with a shoulder injury. After all this recovery time and two assessments by doctors he was ready to be cleared for duty, problem was only one of the doctors agreed. To settle it the department ordered a third evaluation, Rick wanted to get it over with so he was squeezed in and saw the doctor yesterday afternoon. Kelly watched his kid. That doctor found something new, ordered some tests and it turns out his shoulder is worse than they thought and he'll need surgery to fix it. After that he'll never be able to work again" Chris explained, suddenly things started to make more sense.

"And Kelly blames himself?" She realised.

"Of course he does, if he hadn't run into the barn he wouldn't have been crushed, and Newhouse wouldn't have needed to rescue him" He said, sounding as though he agreed that Kelly was to blame.

"Thanks" Erin said after a quiet moment in thought.

"No problem, I'm guessing Kelly didn't want to talk about it" Chris guessed.

"Not all" She answered, her tone suggesting there was considerably more to the situation. All of a sudden aware of just how late she was going to be Erin thanked him again, said goodbye to Shay and rushed off. Work was a pleasant relief, giving her something else to think about. The entire department was doing an audit of CI's which involved plenty of paperwork as well as getting out on the streets to reconnect in person. In the process they gathered a substantial amount of information, it wasn't relevant quite yet but every little bit was sure to help at some point.

"Lindsay, with me" Voight ordered in the early afternoon.

"What are we doing?" She asked, though she was following him obediently.

"Checking in with a CI" He answered.

"Last time we did this you were shot" She reminded.

"I've known this guy for years, he isn't about to shoot me. I don't need backup, I just thought it would be a good chance for us to talk" He explained as they got in the car and started traveling through the busy streets.

"Anything in particular you want to talk about?" She questioned, she knew he wanted to talk about the Kelly situation but she could feign ignorance and hope he changed his mind.

"You know what I want to talk about" He said, taking the opportunity while they were stopped at a red light to give her a serious look.

"I'll sort it out" She replied quickly.

"I was thinking it might help if I go talk to him" He suggested.

"No offense but I know you're not the talking type" Erin said, she was right, his typical approach required force.

"I'll give it a go if it helps" He defended quickly, he just wanted to help.

"I don't need your help, this is between us, I'll figure it out" She answered determinedly.

"At least let me watch Shay, that way you can talk things through without being interrupted" He said carefully, wanting it to come across as an order while not wanting her to fight for the sake of fighting the way she usually did.

"Alright then" She agreed without hesitation. The meeting with the CI went smoothly, as did the rest of the afternoon. That didn't stop the growing sense of dread in Erin's stomach, the discussion she planned to have with Kelly would make or break their relationship for good. She just hoped that he hadn't been drinking so they could talk properly. Picking Shay up from the Herrmann's only to then drop her off with Voight made Erin feel like a terrible parent. She rationalised that letting Shay down for one afternoon in order to ensure she had both parents in her life was a reasonable compromise.

Going home had never made Erin feel so sick. She stopped at the top of the stairs and took a deep, calming breath then unlocked the door and made her way into the lounge. The television was on but Kelly was nowhere to be seen. She recognised the sheet of paper on the coffee table and approached to get a better look, a police notice for driving under the influence. The time recorded was ten in the morning. Could things get any worse?

"Oh, hello" He commented, unfazed, entering the room with a plate of buttered toast. Erin returned the ticket to the coffee table then straightened herself to face him.

"Hi" She replied. In the silence that followed a lot was communicated.

"I'm sorry" They both said at exactly the same moment, both allowing a tiny smile to flicker across their faces in recognition of their synchronicity.

"Does that mean..." He started.

"Can I..." She said stopping when she realised she was cutting him off. He pulled the ring from his pocket and held it out for her. Erin took it gladly and slipped it back onto her finger.

"What are you sorry about?" He asked.

"Everything" She answered simply.

"I'm really sorry, I would do anything to go back and change things"

"I know" She nodded.

"I thought I'd screwed everything up" He admitted, tears shining in his eyes.

"I did too" She said softly.

"Then why are you here? For Shay?" He questioned worried that she had forgiven him way too easily.

"Yes, but for myself as well. We all make mistakes. Last night was one of them, for both of us" Erin answered.

"I'm so sorry, is Shay alright?" He asked, memories of her echoing screams again filling his mind. They had been the most sobering noise, the beer induced haze leaving only to be replaced with the knowledge that he had been the source of her concern. When the door had slammed behind Erin and Shay he'd slid to the floor and cried. Then he had cleaned up the glass and scrubbed the wall all the while thinking about how much he wanted them back. Plagued by terrible thoughts of his own inadequacy he had started on what remained of the bottle of vodka they'd been given at the housewarming party. By the time that was gone it was morning, when nausea indicated a return to reality he had jumped in the car, headed for the liquor store. Talking his way out of being arrested by using Erin's name was something else he regretted. Finally comprehending that alcohol only caused regrets to pile up he stopped drinking. Vomiting and sleeping his way through the day as he processed the alcohol. He had really only woken up an hour before Erin had arrived, feeling dreadful but clear headed.

"She's fine" Erin assured, realising how sick with guilt he looked.

"How can you forgive me?" He questioned.

"I don't know, but it's done" She promised, she took the plate from his hands and placed it on the coffee table. He didn't expect her to pull him into a hug but he certainly didn't resist. With a deep sigh he held her tightly for a long moment. "Have you brushed your teeth?" Erin questioned when she pulled back a little to look up at him.

"Yeah" Kelly answered, a very perplexed look spreading across his face.

"Just checking" She smiled before sliding her hand up his neck to the back of his head, pulling his face towards hers until their lips met.

"What?" He asked when he retreated as soon as they made contact.

"Shh" Erin breathed before stepping forwards to close the distance between them again. This time he didn't resist her advances, one moment they were kissing passionately, the next she had removed his shirt and was untying his shorts.

"Erin?" He questioned wondering what was motivating her desire for intimacy. She didn't reply forcing him back onto the couch while she removed her own clothing. Erin wanted one thing, to erase the past twenty-four hours, even herself unsure how this related to her current actions. Replacing every bad thought and feeling with a good one was helping though. As she sat in his lap she could feel his resistance failing. He wanted this too. Kissing and sucking at her neck, drawing moans and gasps from her, became his top priority. Her head fell back and her back arched as he provided friction in all the right places. Desperate to have him inside of her she removed the underwear separating them in two swift motions. He thrust into her, taking her by surprise. She continued to kiss him, coordinating the movements of her lips with those of her hips, needing to convey her feelings physically. She was so close already, fighting not to let herself go until he had had the chance to catch up. That didn't take very long. Afterward she slumped forwards allowing Kelly to hold her until she was barely able to stay awake. A sneeze from Kelly brought her to her senses again.

"I'll go get Shay and some dinner" She informed, kissing him one last time before climbing off him and retrieving her clothes.

"Okay, we can talk later" He confirmed as he watched her get dressed.

"We don't have to" She said firmly. Talking about his job, about Newhouse and the role of blame was only going to let the negativity back in. Erin much preferred the idea of sitting on the floor eating pizza with Shay, then, once she was in bed, laying together silently contemplating life. In the end she got her wish, forcing him into silence by kissing him every time he tried to speak. The responsible adult within told her they would need to talk properly soon, until then she just wanted to feel normal, in love, again.

**I don't even know what to say... I feel so emotionally invested in these fictional characters that trying to convey what I think would realistically happen in their relationship is quite taxing. **

**Tomorrow will be my last update for a few days as I make my way home again. **


	42. Chapter 42

"Good morning" Kelly greeted entering the bedroom with two steaming mugs of coffee the moment her alarm went off.

"Morning" She replied turning off her alarm before sitting up and accepting the hot beverage.

"Sleep alright?" He asked, taking a seat opposite her on the bed.

"Yeah, I did actually" She said with a smile, this was what she wanted. Normal caring conversation and simple, thoughtful gestures.

"That's good" He nodded reaching across to hold her hand.

"What are your plans for the day?" She asked, using her thumb to rub circles on the back of his hand.

"I have a doctors appointment" Kelly answered.

"Well I didn't commit to anything with Cindy..." Erin informed.

"I'll call her, don't worry. I'm going to make breakfast while you have your shower" He said happily. Erin knew he was going to extra effort to prove that he wanted them to remain together, long term. Appreciating his effort she thanked him for the coffee and gave him a kiss on her way to the bathroom.

"Kelly" She said, turning in the doorway to look at him.

"Yeah?" He asked, concern evident on his face.

"Thank you" Erin answered before stepping into the bathroom and closing the door. Neither knew exactly what she was referring to but it was nice to simply say what she felt. Kelly had breakfast ready when she made her way to the table and had already started feeding Shay. Erin took a moment to say good morning to Shay and kiss her cheek.

"Mama mornin'" Shay beamed, half chewed cereal and milk dribbling from the corners of her mouth. Kelly was quick to wipe away the food and help Shay coordinate the next spoonful, smiling the whole time.

"Good morning beautiful" Erin replied sliding into her chair and taking a bite of her toast. She couldn't help but wonder how long they would last like this, it seemed as if they could never go very long without some sort of drama. Kelly seemed to be giving it his all, his smile failing to droop even when Shay splattered him with milk. They spent the rest of breakfast discussing what Kelly should make for dinner. Erin didn't want to leave, not when everything was going so well. Reluctantly making her way to the district she managed to compartmentalize her feelings such that the tough and intuitive detective within was on display.

The day flew by, when she wasn't hard at work she was texting Kelly, keeping up to date with everything he was up to. She was pleased to hear that the doctor was impressed enough to permit him to start walking without the boot. Erin was sure Kelly would have destroyed the uncomfortable contraption by the time she got home. Even though they had decided on what was for dinner at breakfast time it was still pleasant to arrive and find Kelly in the kitchen. It was ridiculously adorable to watch, Kelly singing along to the radio as he cooked and Shay trying to dance.

"Hello" Erin greeted when the song ended.

"Mama" Shay squealed toddling unsteadily across the kitchen to wait, arms outstretched, at the baby gate.

"How was your day?" Erin asked generally, lifting Shay up before stepping into the kitchen to see if there was anything she could help with.

"Pretty good, we did some painting this afternoon" He boasted pointing to the fridge door where two very different paintings were on display. Shay's was a kaleidoscope of random colour blotches while Kelly's portrayed three stick figures in a park.

"That's awesome" She praised, taking a step closer for a better look.

"Yeah, I was thinking we could outline some letters then have Shay decorate them as a banner for the birthday party this weekend" He suggested.

"I can't believe that a year ago I was pregnant" Erin said, struggling to comprehend just how much had happened over the last year.

"It's incredible isn't it" He acknowledged feeling the same way himself.

"We really need to get sorted for the party" She said, reverting back to the original topic.

"There is a fair bit to do" He agreed slightly worried that they had barely started to prepare. At least now that he could get around unencumbered he would be able to put up decorations.

"I think we should be able to get most of the things we need at the mall on Thursday afternoon" She said scrolling down the list she had prepared on her phone.

"Oh, we're watching the Herrmann kids on Thursday night, I only agreed because we owe them for taking care of Shay" Kelly said waiting nervously for a reaction

"That makes things tricky, I'll just have to write you a list then" Erin informed, her work schedule didn't permit a shopping trip unless it was Thursday's extended hours.

"Get a piece of paper and we'll work it out now" He said, the pasta still cooking and the sauce simmering away, it was the perfect opportunity for a short break.

"I've got two columns, one for Shay's birthday and one for the engagement party" She explained handing him a pen. They worked together, building a comprehensive list of everything they had to get done over the next few days. It was a much less daunting task when it was set out nice and neatly on a piece of paper. Shay's party didn't have a theme, nor very many children attending but it was still sure to be a fun event. Kelly had taken on the responsibility of cake making as well as providing entertainment, he had decided early on that a jumping castle was necessary. As far as birthday presents were concerned they had both decided to be practical purchasing new shoes, sheets and clothes for Shay along with a few toys and games. Party guests were sure to bring fun gifts anyway.

In contrast Erin hadn't really done much as far as the engagement party was concerned. All she had done was contact a printing company to order one hundred 'save the date' cards. Ideally she would like to be gauging potential brides maids and groomsmen. It all seemed to be upon them so suddenly, like an assignment left to the last minute, Erin could feel her stress levels starting to rise. She reminded herself that the party was for her, and Kelly, to celebrate their engagement. That meant that she could organise as much or as little as she wanted.

"Dinner's ready, can you help her wash her hands?" Kelly requested, swapping the pen for a spoon. Erin put aside thoughts of the wedding for a moment.

"Sure can" She said as she balanced Shay on her knee in a well practiced maneuver that allowed Shay's short arms to reach the stream of water. After soaping up both pairs of hands Erin rinsed and dried them as well then set about removing all of Shay's clothing bar her diaper. Red pasta sauce stains were stubborn and frustrating for someone so impatient with laundry, as such removing the clothing was her proactive approach. She pulled an already ruined bib over Shay's head and secured her in the highchair.

"After the party we'll have to make a schedule for wedding planning" He said, placing their dinner plates on the table. "Where do we even start?" He questioned

"First we'll need a venue so we can send out invitations. After that it's all pretty easy, catering and decorating mostly" She explained.

"And working out what to wear" He added.

"I'm all sorted on that front" She said with a smile.

"I didn't think you found anything with Gabby" He said starting to wonder he had been too self-absorbed to remember her bringing up the subject of wedding dresses.

"I didn't" She responded.

"So what are you wearing?" He asked, confused.

"A dress, it's white, other than that it's a secret" She said cryptically.

"Do you even know what you're wearing for the party?" He questioned, it was fair enough that she didn't want to tell him about the wedding dress but if he didn't change the subject she might be forced into it.

"Not yet, I'll probably just wear a dress. Shay has the 'Birthday Girl' shirt I bought online and her rainbow tights. You can just wear a shirt and jeans. It doesn't have to be complicated, it's her first birthday, she won't remember it" She answered.

"I still can't believe it's been a year, so much has happened" Kelly said softly, scooping pasta from the highchair tray back into Shay's bowl.

"But we've made it. Together. That's all we need to do" Erin reinforced.

"Forever" He nodded, squeezing her hand.

"Forever" She agreed. They ate the remainder of their dinner in silence, both contemplating the past and future. Forgetting to be responsible adults they ended up just as wet as Shay during bath time. Encouraging her to splash had led to an all out water fight, only stopping when Kelly complained about the soap getting in his eyes. Erin teased him for being so delicate, the soap was supposed to be irritation free. They got Shay to bed then changed into their sleepwear.

"We should do that everyday" Kelly said as he flopped into bed.

"No way, it makes too much of a mess" She replied.

"It's so fun it has to be worth a little cleaning" He was convinced.

"A little? You can clean the bathroom next time" She said, shaking her head a little. It didn't seriously bother her but she felt it was important to remind him that she had been doing most, if not all, of the housework since he had broken his leg.

"I will, sorry" He replied.

"It's fine, I wish we could do it everyday but it wouldn't be as fun if we did"

"True" He agreed. The conversation faded away, neither felt the need to fill the silence with pointless words.

"Kelly?" Erin asked, suddenly rembering something she had been meaning to ask him.

"Yeah?" He questioned in response.

"The other night you said you were going to quit your job" She stated.

"I wasn't me at the time" He sighed.

"I understand that, you just seemed really certain" Erin continued, she wasn't sure what she even wanted to hear in response.

"I was. I still am a little, I don't want to be responsible for depriving someone of their livelihood ever again. I've ruined Newhouses life, not just his career" He said sadly, obviously feeling deeply guilty for his actions.

"No you haven't he'll figure something out" She assured, everyone on squad had such a broad range of talents and skills that Erin was sure he wouldn't be unemployed for long.

"If it wasn't for my stupidity he would never have gotten hurt" He said firmly.

"You can't change it, you're responsible for your own regrets. Just forgive yourself and move on" She said wisely.

"How do I do that?" He asked.

"Just keep repeating that what's done is done, that you did your best in the situation" She advised.

"But I didn't, I was careless" He complained.

"Did you learn from it? Will you ever do it again?" She prompted knowing there was an upside, she just needed him to see it.

"Of course I won't do it again" He assured, slightly confused as to why she would even ask.

"Then you leaned something. Firefighting is what you love, you should keep doing it until you stop loving it. That means you're going to have to make executive decisions, as long as you're learning and doing your best they shouldn't become regrets" She expressed, firmly believing he needed his job to keep himself going.

"I know, I just need a little more time to get my head back into it" He clarified.

"Good" She smiled. Though the conversation had been short Erin felt that they had made considerable progress, he opened up to her and in return she had tried to provide helpful feedback.

"Erin" He said softly.

"Yeah?" She asked.

"Thank you" He whispered as he pulled her closer, she settled her head on his chest and allowed his heartbeat to soothe her to sleep.

**I hope this was an alright chapter...I needed them to start resolving things properly (pretending it never happened was never going to work so Erin needed to slowly start to delve into the problems Kelly is having). I'll be back home for the next update (fingers crossed for Thursday) :D**


	43. Chapter 43

**Hello, I'm back! I had a lovely holiday but nothing beats seeing my dog Leo after ten days apart (I don't know why I feel the need to tell you this but it's too late now). I am super motivated at the moment and have plenty of free time on my hands ;) I do apologise for the delay (it's 2am here so I missed my Thursday deadline), I've been working on Joy's 100****th**** review fic (which you should all check out tomorrow – maybe very early Saturday morning…) and struggling to readjust to this timezone. **

Erin was running late. She absolutely hated to be late for anything but it was completely unavoidable. She'd even skipped out on her paperwork, bribing Jay with tickets to a hockey game if he did it for her. It still didn't change that fact that she was a record forty-five minutes behind schedule. That meant Kelly had spent half an hour alone with six children, he was probably never going to forgive her, assuming he'd even survived so far. Finally making her way out into the parking lot at the back of the district she spotted Burgess, who she'd been meaning to talk to all day. She had a split second decision to make, talk to Burgess and be even later or put it off and potentially forget.

"Burgess" Erin called as she decided she was already so late that a few minutes wouldn't make a difference.

"What's up?" Burgess questioned as she approached.

"We're majorly lacking in children for Shay's birthday party, do you think you could bring your niece?" Erin asked, Kelly had been so keen on the jumping castle that he hadn't even bothered to think about the lack of children.

"Yeah, I think so. Atwater has a little sister too" Burgess suggested as Erin checked her watch for the tenth time.

"Can you tell him it's okay for her to come?" Erin questioned as she pulled open the car door.

"Sure" Burgess nodded.

"Thanks" Erin said with a sigh.

"No problem" Burgess replied as she stepped back so that Erin could drive away. Driving more aggressively than ever before she sped across the city to the Herrmann's house. Stopping to catch her breath she waited at the front door, surely there should be more noise. She knocked twice and was quickly greeted by Nathan.

"Where have you been?" Kelly demanded as he tipped Josie off his back and quickly ducked out from between the boys and the television.

"Work, I'm really sorry" She apologised, she had sent a text message but he'd clearly been too busy pretending to be a horse to check his phone.

"Well you're here now" He shrugged wondering if the delay was punishment for agreeing to babysit in the first place.

"Absolutely" She confirmed though she still felt quite frazzled.

"I was thinking we could take them to the park around the corner, tire them out so we don't have to mess around at bed time"

"Alright, shoes, hats and jackets" Erin listed, all things that took a while to get on Shay and were certain to take considerably longer when multiplied out.

"I'll take those three" He said gesturing to the older boys on the couch, leaving Erin with Josie, Kenny and Shay, the more difficult group. She didn't complain figuring it was really only making things fair. It took some encouragement, then flat out bribery to get Josie to put her shoes on. Kenny understood that it meant they were going somewhere and Erin was well practiced when it came to Shay. None of them had any protests when it came to putting on jackets but all three fought their hats. Erin simply tied Shay's hat on then negotiated with Kenny and Josie until they understood they couldn't leave the house unless their hats were on. Of course Kelly and the three older boys were waiting impatiently at the door. Erin stayed at the back of their strange procession, carrying Shay and holding Kenny's hand as he walked along beside her. Kelly had the kids skipping, hopping and jumping. Erin expected that they would be tired by the time they got to the park, they certainly weren't. Seeing the positive side to the situation Erin concluded that her role as swing pusher meant she wouldn't have to visit the gym anytime soon.

"Almost ready to go?" She asked when Kelly joined her after helping each of the four older children across the monkey bars and down the slide a few times.

"I think so, but we should let them decide" He answered, taking over pushing Kenny so Erin could focus on Shay. Slowly but surely the children each lost their enthusiasm, when they were all sitting or lying on the play equipment Erin made the call and assembled them near a tree ready for departure.

"Erin?" Someone called from the footpath.

"Leah! Hi" Erin exclaimed rushing to greet the teen, they tried to hug but it was awkward, each with a baby on their hip.

"Is this your baby?" Leah asked saying hello to Shay as well.

"Yeah, this is Shay. Lucas is so big now" Erin commented hardly recognising the chubby blond toddler.

"He eats so much" Leah laughed.

"That's good. How's work?" Erin questioned watching as Kelly waved then started leading their charges back towards the house.

"Do you have to be somewhere?" Leah asked having seen the exchange.

"No it's fine" Erin said though she wasn't sure what task he would force her to do to make up for again leaving him with the children.

"Who are all those kids?" Leah questioned looking perplexed.

"We're babysitting for some friends, or rather he's babysitting" She replied feeling guilty, both for failing as a babysitter and for not having caught up with Leah for ages.

"And is he your…?" Leah questioned not sure how best to phrase it.

"Fiancé" Erin answered with a surge of excitement.

"Congratulations, that's exciting" Leah said with a smile.

"Thanks, it is. Enough about me though, tell me what you're up to" Erin instructed.

"I quit my old job because my boss kept messing around my pay. Now I work at a hairdressing salon and I'm taking come community college classes as well" Leah explained.

"That's awesome, let me know if you ever need me to watch Lucas for classes or something" She offered.

"My boyfriend looks after him most of the time now" Leah informed. Noting Erin's raised eyebrows she decided to provide more information. "Lincoln was doing a placement at Lucas' daycare centre as part of his early childhood education course. He's a really great guy"

"Good" Erin nodded trying to be supportive though she couldn't help but worry for Leah.

"Yeah, everything is good and it's all thanks to you" Leah said gratefully.

"You're the one doing the hard work" Erin deflected.

"Thank you though, seriously"

"No problem, seriously" Erin replied.

"I'd better let you get going" Leah said after a pause, more because Lucas was getting impatient than because they had run out of things to talk about.

"It's Shay's first birthday this weekend, we're having a party on Saturday, you should come if you don't have plans" Erin said.

"I'd love to" Leah answered, accepting the invitation instantly.

"Great, have you still got the same number?" Erin asked.

"Yep"

"I'll send you the details" Erin said, adding it to the top of her extensive pre-party to do list.

"Thanks, have a nice afternoon" Leah farewelled realising that the afternoon was quickly becoming night. Erin watched for a moment as Leah put Lucas down and he ran to the slide then turned and started walking quickly to the Herrmann's house. To make up for her absence she singlehandedly sorted dinner then got all the Herrmann children into their pyjamas and beds while he coordinated bath time. Shay kept herself entertained with a toy car while Erin and Kelly assumed a divide and conquer approach to bedtime stories.

"You take Shay home and head to bed, I'll wait up" Erin said firmly when they made their way downstairs once everyone was tucked in.

"You don't have to" He said quickly.

"I do, I really should have helped more" She justified.

"I'm the one who got us into this and you have work tomorrow, you should go" He argued.

"Please just take Shay home to bed" Erin said calmly.

"Alright then" He responded with a disapproving shake of the head.

"Thank you" She smiled, giving him a quick kiss before following him out into the cold night air. All alone in a house full of sleeping children Erin took the opportunity to make what had to be her hundredth list of things to do before the party. Each list growing more and more complicated until she had to start afresh, usually on a bigger piece of paper. Having reached A4 she was hopeful she had covered everything. By the time she fell into bed it was past midnight, the Herrmann's were very thankful and Erin had planned and scheduled every moment of Saturday morning.

* * *

Saturday arrived incredibly quickly, much too quickly for Erin's liking. She was still trying to overcome the exhaustion associated with such a late night on Thursday. As assigned Kelly had made a trip to the shops for ingredients for his pancake spectacular of a birthday cake while she was at work on Friday. Erin was worried he was being overambitious when he showed her his plan, a rainbow stack of pancakes held together with layers of peanut butter and strawberry jam. She really didn't have time to discuss it properly or find an alternative so she decided to trust that he would figure it out. Erin didn't feel bad to be skipping out on Shay's birthday seeing as she wasn't officially one until mid-afternoon. The solo trip to the supermarket was highly successful and when she returned Kelly was working away in the kitchen. Having been sensible food preparation was minimal and soon she was simply upending packets into bowls then setting them on the table.

"Can I borrow you for a sec?" Erin asked fearful of interrupting such a vital moment of cake preparation, the addition of the final layer.

"Sure" He answered once the third red pancake was in position.

"I just need that chair moved over there" She instructed as he followed her lead into the living room.

"Easy" He said as he shifted the chair.

"Thanks"

"I just have to decorate the cake, what have you got left to do?" He asked, Erin unfolded her list and looked over it carefully.

"Pick up the save the date cards" She said rushing to grab her keys. "Keep an ear out for Shay, she should be awake soon" Erin added.

"Of course" He nodded. Unfortunately everyone seemed to want to pick up their printing requests on Saturday morning, the line was enormous and it took a great deal of patience to reach the front. Arriving home she was shocked and saddened to see the cars of some of their guests already parked out the front. Erin shoved the box of cards on the kitchen bench with her keys and followed the laughter out into the backyard. The jumping castle was fully inflated and in use by the Herrmann children, Atwater's sister and Burgess' niece. Vinessa Atwater was holding Shay's hands, helping her remain upright as the air shifted beneath their feet.

"Hey" She said softly as she stopped beside Kelly.

"Hey" He replied, putting his arm around her shoulders to pull her into a hug.

"I'm sorry" She apologised immediately. She noticed that Kelly had dressed Shay in her party outfit. He'd even gone to the trouble of tying back her hair, which was just long enough to get into her eyes, with a colourful ribbon.

"Don't be, you've done everything you can for the party. Now you just have to trust yourself and stop to enjoy it" He said firmly giving her a serious look.

"I would enjoy getting the camera" She said hoping he didn't mind.

"I can do that, you just watch her" He instructed after placing a kiss on her forehead. If she was this much of a perfectionist over their daughter's first birthday party he was concerned for their wedding. Unlike a birthday that happened annually they would only get one wedding.

"Okay" She sighed stepping closer so she could see into the corner properly, the last thing she wanted was an injury for the birthday girl. The jumping of the other children soon became to vigorous sparking a tantrum from Shay, Erin was quick to intervene. Having retrieved Shay she spent a moment talking to her, finally wishing her a happy birthday. They were so trusting that after the first few trips they decided to leave the front door open. Their guests arrived and followed the improvised signs through the house to the backyard. When Erin went in to get Shay a drink she was shocked by the massive pile of presents that had accumulated. Most were wrapped in pink but a few stood out clearly, a zebra striped bag with green tissue paper sticking out the top caught her attention. Her timing was perfect as Hayden and his wife and daughter arrived.

"Hello, come on through" She welcomed, as the newest member of the intelligence unit Hayden wasn't really sure how to act outside of work. It was made more difficult by the presence of his wife, Sam and baby daughter Ruby. He hadn't been very honest about what exactly his job involved so he was worried someone would mention something. After a few minutes in the backyard it became obvious that work was the last thing on everyone's minds. Erin handed out balloon and containers of bubble mix making everything more interesting.

"When is she going to open presents?" Gabby demanded after the fourth balloon popping incident once again left Shay in tears.

"When everyone's ready" Erin shrugged, Kelly quickly stepped in and ushered everyone inside. Shay was placed in the center of the room and handed her first present by Gabby, it just happened to be the zebra striped bag. Having had some practice at Christmas it didn't take Shay long to understand what she was supposed to be doing. The bag contained three different types of bubble bath and an assortment of bath toys.

"She always loves bath time when I babysit" Gabby explained as Erin struggled to get the blue bottle out of Shay's mouth. After a few seconds watching Shay play with her newly acquired toys the next person stepped forward and handed her the next gift. This continued for a while, the unwrapped presents included hairclips and headbands from Leah, playdough from Nadia, a pair of maraca's from Kim and Adam, a massive pink teddy bear from Kevin, a tea set from Platt and Mouch, a set of toy cars from Kelly, some new clothes from Erin and an assortment of toy foods from Lara, Josh and Willow. There were still a few presents to be opened, the biggest ones, but they had an intermission so that the kids didn't get too bored. Returning inside as the sun started setting Shay opened presents from Jay, Kelly's Squad, the Herrmann's, Antonio and Finally Voight. Jay had bought a beautifully illustrated book of fairy tales that Shay immediately opened and started turning pages, more gently than Erin had ever seen. There was laughter as Shay pulled a tiny ice skate from the box given to her by Capp on behalf of Squad 3. The tiny pair of skates were the perfect size and were perfectly themed with the new, bigger Blackhawks jersey they had given her as well. Cindy gave a strangely shaped bundle to Shay then handed Erin a rectangular package.

"This one's for you" Cindy smiled watching as Erin cautiously removed the wrapping paper to reveal a thick notebook. It contained photos and recounts as well as various pieces of artwork, all documenting the time Shay had spent at the Herrmann's. Erin struggled to find the words to thank Cindy so instead she gave her a massive hug, vowing to read it properly later. Seeing Shay triumphantly holding her three new packets of socks Erin couldn't help but laugh.

"She'll have lost half of those by the end of next week" Erin commented knowing that Cindy knew exactly what she meant.

"I wouldn't expect anything less" Cindy laughed. The two remaining gifts, Antonio's and Hank's required assistance to unwrap. With the help of her dad and the two gift givers Shay opened a lovely old rocking horse and a little red wagon.

"My kids are too big for that now" Antonio commented when the last piece of paper was removed from the horses face. It had been a complete nightmare to wrap and was even harder to transport.

"It was Justin's, I bought new wheels and repainted it" Voight said about the wagon as Shay climbed into it eagerly, Kelly holding it still as a safety precaution. After making sure they had thanked everyone they headed outside again. Vinessa and Zoe had quickly become friends, inviting Newhouse's daughter to join them in pulling Shay around the yard in her wagon while the other children caused chaos with bubbles in the jumping castle. As the last of the daylight faded they ventured inside for cake. Kim volunteered to take photos as the cake was brought to the table, lone candle burning brightly. Erin held Shay in her lap and demonstrated how to blow out the candle while everyone sang happy birthday. Kelly had a strange look of pleasure on his face as he hacked the cake into messy but fairly even pieces. He made sure to give Shay the biggest. Erin didn't even think to remove Shay's white shirt before she secured her in her highchair and handed her the rainbow cake.

"This is insanely good" Ruzek commented first, everyone was surprised at how good the pancake monstrosity tasted. Those with children started to leave as soon as they'd finished their cake. Those that remained were engagement party guests. Erin took Shay up for a bath and some quiet time while Kelly prepared dinner with assistance from their many guests. By the time Erin re-joined the party everything had changed, anything vaguely birthday related had been moved and the table was set ready for dinner. Even with every chair in the house there were still a few people left standing. The squad guys solved the problem by taking their dinner plates into the lounge room to sit on the couch, conveniently watching the football game at the same time.

"Having fun?" Kelly questioned as Erin and Shay joined him at the end of the table.

"Absolutely" Erin answered, Shay yawned. All she wanted was food then sleep. After dinner Kim, Gabby and Nadia worked to clear the table while Erin, Kelly and Grandpa Hank put Shay to bed. They brought out the wine and Erin enjoyed her first drink in just under two years while they talked and laughed. Erin couldn't remember whose idea it was but they ended up in the jumping castle, straining to see each other using the back porch light. Snuggled up next to Kelly with all her family and friends in the jumping castle to reminisce was the perfect engagement party for Erin. She eventually fell asleep only to wake up when Kelly carried her into the house, farewelling the last of their guests at the bottom of the stairs before taking her to bed. She pulled off her dress and got into her pyjamas, still half asleep then brushed her teeth and crawled into bed. Kelly joined her, whispering about how great the parties were until he was sure she was asleep again.

**I hope this lived up to expectations! It was a very fun chapter to write, especially bringing back characters we haven't seen in a while. Before you ask, yes, I did intentionally give Leah's boyfriend a name starting with L…It seemed like a cute idea at the time :D Other than that I just need to clarify that when I say jam I mean jelly if you're American (sweet, sticky, fruit preserve/spread). I usually Americanise but calling it jelly was just too strange. Working out what presents people would give Shay was really fun so I hope you liked it **

**P.S – After some extensive planning on the plane yesterday the current goal is to have the wedding as Chapter 50, this might mean the chapters are longer than normal to make up for the fact I'm trying to cover almost 6 months in 7 chapters…it's taken 43 to cover a year…I'm sure you're not complaining over longer chapters though :D **

**I didn't even proofread so please let me know if you see any errors… I'll fix them when I wake up in the morning :D  
**


	44. Chapter 44

**I've been sick. Very sorry for the delay. **

"I think I drank too much" Erin groaned as she rolled over, Kelly was tiptoeing through the room, not wanting to wake her. He had just needed his phone.

"I don't know, you fell asleep before things got crazy" He laughed crossing the room, he crawled across the bed and kissed her.

"Things got crazy and I missed it?" She asked, feeling left out.

"Not really, you didn't miss much at all" He assured deciding not to tell her about Ruzek getting a black eye. The jumping castle had gotten slippery after someone spilled a glass of wine, the liquid pooling right near the opening. Returning from the bathroom Ruzek was oblivious to the hazard, slipping in it only to catch Halstead's elbow with his eye. He was definitely going to have some impressive bruising.

"Oh…good" She sighed though she could tell he was remembering something amusing.

"Just the part where we talked about you" Kelly teased, shifting the focus back to her as he sat up, remembering that his shirt was wet.

"Who said what?" She demanded anxiously.

"It was honestly all good stuff" He laughed.

"Sure" Erin said sceptically.

"We talked about how good you are at your job…" He stopped to kiss her "…that you're an incredible mother…" another kiss "…and a great party planner" He finished with another, long, slow kiss.

"Well in that case I'd better get up, I don't want to disappoint everyone by staying in bed all day" She said, throwing back the blankets as she sat up, turning to look at him properly. "Wait, why are you wet?" She questioned looking at the splash marks on his shirt.

"I had to hose out the jumping castle, bubble mix and wine" He explained.

"Where's Shay?" She asked.

"Sleeping, she was pretty exhausted so she went back to bed after breakfast" He said feeling instantly as if he'd said too much.

"Breakfast?" She questioned, she recognised the tone and wanted answers. "Please tell me you didn't have cake for breakfast" She said when he hesitated.

"I could tell you that, but it would be a lie" He admitted trying to cover his smile with an apologetic look.

"She needs proper food" Erin scolded, cake was hardly nutritious.

"She'll have a healthy lunch, you're making it, after your shower" He informed.

"What time is it?" She questioned have lost all sense of time, it had to be pretty late if he was talking about lunch.

"Eleven thirty" He answered after checking his phone.

"What time did we go to bed?" She asked, shocked she had slept through the morning.

"You fell asleep just after one but you didn't get into bed until three" He replied.

"And I feel like crap, that's just pathetic" She complained as she stood up.

"You had three or four glasses of wine" He reminded, surely she knew there were consequences for exhausting herself with planning and organising.

"Three…pretty embarrassing" She laughed as she headed for the shower. After her shower she checked on Shay and constructed lunch using green foods only. Shay was not happy.

"No!" Shay yelled as she tried to throw her plate, Erin gripped it tightly and returned it to the highchair tray.

"Eat up" Erin encouraged, taking a celery stick and smiling massively as she bit into it to demonstrate.

"CAKE" Shay demanded throwing herself backwards.

"Shay no. This is lunch" Erin explained.

"No Mama! I CAKE" She tried face red with anger.

"No cake" Erin said, shaking her head.

"No Mama!" Shay replied turning as far around as was possible to avoid the food Erin was offering.

"Kelly!" Erin called, the perfect solution in mind.

"What's up?" He asked as he stepped out of the kitchen, placing the last piece of a slice of cake in his mouth.

"Cake!" Shay squealed victoriously, if Dada was having some surely she could too.

"Well somebody gave her cake for breakfast and now she's refusing to eat anything else. Good luck" Erin smiled as she handed him the plate.

"I'm sorry" He apologised as he took her seat, placing the plate in front of Shay.

"Good" Erin nodded turning to leave before Shay realised she wasn't getting cake. Her crying echoed through the house as Erin got to work cleaning instead. "How much of that did she eat?" She questioned when Kelly brought the half empty plate into the kitchen an hour later.

"Most of it" He shrugged.

"How much really?" She demanded.

"None" He groaned, some of the food had flown across the room and he'd eaten some to keep himself going. He emptied the plate then took the cake out of the fridge.

"What are you doing?" She asked as he selected a knife and started cutting a portion of cake.

"She has to eat" He said as he slid the cake onto Shay's plate, taking the place of broccoli, celery, baby spinach, apple, asparagus and peas.

"No. We are not going to give in to her. She has to learn"

"She's one" He tried to remind her.

"I know, that's why we have to make the right decisions for her. Put that back, I'll try again in an hour…she'll get hungry enough eventually" Erin concluded, supervising as he put the cake back into the fridge. Kelly didn't agree at all but was too tired to fight over it, after all he had stayed up later and woken earlier than she had. Shay was still raging at the lack of cake but Kelly managed to calm her with a ride around the garden in her new wagon. Erin got back on with housework, keen to get everything done so she could spend some time with Kelly and Shay. Finally done folding, sorting and putting the washing away she headed downstairs to see what they were up to. Kelly was casually feeding Shay chicken flavoured chips. "Kelly!" Erin said exasperatedly as she took the chip from Shay's hand, ignoring the beginning of another tantrum.

"She was hungry" He defended.

"Then get her some proper food" Erin instructed taking the packet from him. She wondered if Kelly was intentionally messing with her by choosing the flavour with green packaging.

"Those are proper food, potatoes are vegetables" He explained knowing full well just how angry Erin was getting.

"You're going to make her fat!" Erin announced taking Shay from the couch to hold her protectively, still in a bad mood Shay screamed, writhed and kicked.

"No I'm not, why are you so worried? The cake is made of pancakes, which we have for breakfast at least once a week" He explained in an attempt to justify his actions. He refused to see feeding his hungry child as a bad thing.

"It's not the same, those are full of sugar and colouring…things that are bad for her" She argued.

"There are plenty of worse things" Kelly protested.

"That's so not the point!" Erin almost yelled, trying desperately to keep a grip on Shay as she threw herself around, using all her bodyweight to convey her discontent.

"Put her down before you drop her" Kelly said softly.

"Don't…" She started but she didn't bother to finish, storming out of the room and up the stairs. Putting Shay in the middle of their bed, where she could continue her tantrum without getting hurt, Erin sat down. With her head in her hands she stopped to think things through. Shay settled herself eventually, crawling across the bed into Erin's lap. "I'm sorry" She apologised looking down at her big baby, she had grown so quickly. They had cruised through the first year of her life, doing what they could when they could. Now Erin just wanted to make sure she was doing everything possible to make sure Shay continued to thrive. Laying back on the bed with Shay next to her she took the chance to tell Shay just how much she loved her, adding kisses where necessary.

"Love 'oo Mama" Shay replied placing a hand on Erin's cheek. They lay there staring at each other for a long time.

"Hey" Kelly whispered as he joined them, Shay rolled and greeted him by grabbing his ear.

"Hey" Erin said just as quietly.

"I'm really sorry" He said next.

"Me too, she's just getting so big so quickly and we only have so many chances to get things right" She explained, feeling it was necessary to justify her explosion.

"We are getting things right, look at her, she's perfect" He instructed, Erin took a moment to look at Shay properly, soft golden hair right down to her ten tiny toes.

"She really is isn't she?" Erin beamed feeling pride swell in her chest.

"We make good babies" He winked leaning across Shay to kiss Erin.

"Baby" Erin corrected firmly.

"We'll see" He challenged placing a hand on her stomach. She shook her head but allowed him to kiss her again anyway. They went downstairs and made Shay eat her celery and broccoli before allowing her to have some chicken chips, a successful compromise. Spending the afternoon searching for a wedding venue ended the day peacefully.

* * *

Unfortunately, there was nothing peaceful about the rest of the week. Erin had well and truly messed up her sleep cycle, coffee was the only thing keeping her going at work. Kelly was jogging twice a day complaining that he couldn't go back to work until he got fitter. In truth he was still feeling guilty to have ruined Newhouse's career. There had to be something more he could do but he couldn't figure out what. Erin didn't know how best to help so she tried not to get involved, it wasn't as if she didn't have enough to be doing anyway. When she found herself awake at two o'clock Thursday morning, still searching for a wedding venue, she decided she was going to need to ask for help. It definitely wasn't her strong suit but she didn't have a choice, both her home and work life were suffering under the strain of wedding planning and she'd barely started. A quick scan of the morning newspaper turned up several candidates for the role. After the first phone call Erin was convinced Kelsie would be able to help her pull off the wedding of her dreams. Now the only thing playing on her mind was Kelly's situation, he was physically ready for work but struggling mentally. It was understandable that he was hesitant to take command again. The issue stemmed from Newhouse so that was where she went to pursue the solution.

"Hi" Erin said as Rick Newhouse pulled open his front door.

"Erin, what's going on?" He asked, adjusting his sling nervously.

"I wanted to see how you're doing. I brought these" She said holding out a container of brownies.

"You want me to talk to him don't you?" Newhouse asked, hesitant to accept the container.

"Only if you want to, I just think it would help. Both of you" Erin answered pressing the container into his hands before turning to leave.

"I'll do it, if you watch Naomi after school tomorrow" He called after her.

"Sure, bring her with you and I'll take her to the park or a movie or something" Erin agreed eagerly, now she just had to convince Voight to give her Friday afternoon off. He had been watching her carefully all week and agreed before she even had a chance to justify.

* * *

"So Naomi, what do you want to do this afternoon?" Erin asked as Newhouse's daughter joined Shay in the backseat of the car.

"I don't know" Naomi answered quietly.

"How about a movie?" Erin suggested, Shay was due for her afternoon nap so it was convenient timing.

"Okay" Naomi agreed. Erin didn't know why Naomi was being so shy, usually she was bouncy and talkative, they had met each other at the firehouse numerous times. They'd even had a conversation at Shay's birthday party. The cinema was surprisingly empty so they picked what Naomi determined were the perfect seats. Erin had purchased popcorn and drinks. The popcorn was finished before the movie even started which was a positive because then Shay didn't feel like she was missing out. Erin was lost in thought for most of the movie only drawn back to reality by the tap on her arm. "I need to go to the bathroom" Naomi whispered.

"Okay" Erin nodded getting up to lead the way. Naomi was perfectly capable but as Erin's responsibility there was no way she was going alone. Erin was just pleased that Shay kept sleeping as they ventured out into the bright light. They happened to miss the major action sequence of the movie, Naomi tried to apologise but Erin hastily dismissed it. Satisfied that Newhouse and Kelly had had plenty of opportunity to talk they headed back straight after the movie. The men were sitting on the couch, beer in hand, hockey on the television, things had clearly gone well so Erin smiled. Newhouse had barely sipped his beer so he was quick to discard it in favour of taking his daughter home. Erin was relieved to hear Naomi telling him about the movie as they left.

"Thank you for meddling" Kelly said as soon as they were gone.

"So when do you start work?" She asked.

"Tomorrow" He grinned.


	45. Chapter 45

**Two things just quickly:**

**Daisyangel: Hayden Powell was introduced to replace Sheldon Jin but I'm pretty sure I've only mentioned him once or twice prior to the party. **

**Michinkicks: I'm glad to see that people are still starting to read this, thanks for the reviews.**

**Oh and everyone else, you know I love you right?! Because I really truly do! Enjoy :D**

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Erin asked, though she had been asking versions of the same question for the last few days, this was the last opportunity for him to change his mind.

"I'm sure, I've missed spending time with Shay so I want to spend the day with her. That and I trust that you'll pick the perfect venue" Kelly answered, bouncing Shay on his knee. Erin couldn't argue with his justification, she loved that he was working again but there was nothing better than seeing the two of them together.

"I have to make the decision today though, Kelsie says delaying any further will put everything at risk" She informed not trusting herself nearly as much as he seemed to.

"Sounds dangerous, it can't be that bad" He said, not sure what she meant by 'at risk'.

"If we don't have a venue we can't have invitations, no invitations mean no guests, and no guests means no wedding" Erin explained.

"Invitations aren't that important, most of the people coming work with us" He reminded, he didn't want to seem disinterested or play down the situation but he did feel the need to reassure her that it wasn't a major drama. The wedding wasn't about the venue, the invitations or the guests. It was about them.

"You're right, worst case scenario we do a Boden and use the firehouse" She laughed, stopping to give them both a goodbye kiss on her way.

"Why is that the worst case?" He called after her, the firehouse meant a lot to him so it would be meaningful.

"I'll keep it in mind if I don't like any of the places Kelsie has shortlisted" She answered before checking the time and realising she was going to be late. The first place Kelsie suggested was quickly ruled out. It was a massive hall in a beautiful old building at the university, an architectural wonder but didn't suit what Erin had in mind. They didn't really have the numbers to justify using such a big space. The second venue had the opposite problem. Erin was starting to worry now that they were halfway through the list.

"I have a feeling you'll really like the next one" Kelsie comforted, immediately noticing the change in Erin's behaviour.

"It's the botanic gardens one right?" Erin questioned.

"Yep, but if it you don't like it that's fine. I will find the perfect place for you" Kelsie guaranteed.

"Kelly suggested the firehouse" Erin replied offhandedly.

"That is always an option" Kelsie admitted as they got out of the car. They made their way along a winding path, Kelsie took the lead as Erin followed, admiring the plants. The path opened out onto a perfectly manicured lawn, a gleaming white building right in the middle. After a walk around the outside of the T shaped building they headed inside. There were so many windows that light flooded the rooms, white walls making it almost too bright. Erin wasn't sure what the first room was designed for but it was ideal for the ceremony, long enough and wide enough with windows along one side. Kelsie was quick to explain where the guests would sit and where a raised platform would be placed. Then they ventured into the other half of the building to where Kelsie envisaged the reception dinner being held. As a restaurant, open only over the holiday season, it was absolutely perfect. Erin asked for a moment to walk through again, trying to calm herself. The moment she had gotten a glimpse of the inside of the building she knew it was what she wanted. She could easily see herself, in Camille's dress, walking down the aisle, Kelly waiting at the end. Erin had never felt such an instant connection with a building, maybe it was that for the first time she could picture what she wanted, making everything more real. As she got a grip and stopped fantasising her rational mind take over, there was no way it would be cheap. Kelly was so relaxed he hadn't even set a budget, any mention of finances was a sure way to end the conversation. She understood that he didn't want it to be about money but she couldn't stop herself thinking it was silly to spend so much on a single day. She had accepted his proposal and all that came with it, the wedding was almost a hurdle to test them.

"You alright?" Kelsie asked gently, Erin had been staring off into the distance, deep in thought, for a long time.

"Yeah…I just…I think this is it" Erin replied cautiously. Kelsie smiled broadly and let out a sigh of relief. Job satisfaction as a wedding planner was difficult, especially given that her clients were actively risking their lives every day to make the world a better place. It only seemed fair to make sure their wedding was perfect.

"I've already checked that the date is free but I'm not in charge of bookings, I'll call on Monday and put your name down as a possibility. Then after Kelly's seen it too, we can finalise. By the end of the week would be good" Kelsie explained.

"Finalise it straight away. I want it" Erin said feeling suddenly decisive. Kelly had made it abundantly clear that his top priority was her happiness. This place, with the beautiful gardens and practical layout made her happy.

"If you say so" Kelsie nodded.

"I do" Erin laughed.

* * *

"Kelsie is expecting my call in the morning so can you just take five minutes to look at the options?" Erin requested. With the venue sorted they had moved on to invitations.

"Sure, but you have to agree with my plans for Saturday" Kelly answered.

"What plans?" She asked.

"I'll tell you after" He said, loving the playful but enraged look he got in return.

"That's hardly fair" She complained.

"I know" He smiled following her from the doorway of Shay's bedroom to the dining room table. Three places were reserved for eating but the rest of the table had been consumed by the wedding, folders and magazines scattered randomly. On top sat the three options for invitations. All based on the same olive green card with exactly the same information presented on a second layer of subtly patterned cream paper. By the time Erin had realised that the green was identical to the olive of Shay's bedroom wall it had been too late. Kelly thought it suited their venue, which he had only seen pictures of, to have green paper. He knew she was serious so he took his time, before choosing. "That one is my favourite"

"Why?" She asked calmly.

"The silver leaf print is pretty, delicate but not glitzy or sparkly" He said thoughtfully. Erin took another look and smiled it was her favourite too, for the same reason. She liked the other options but they seemed excessively decorated.

"This is it then" She said picking it up and pushing the others aside.

"Makes it very real" He realised as he read the invitation, it was still long time to wait.

"No going back now" She cautioned seriously before shifting to a laugh.

"Good" He winked before kissing her.

"Now tell me what's happening on Saturday" She demanded.

"Well I put Shay in her ice skates for the first time the other day and they fit perfectly, we have a short window of opportunity before her feet grow" Kelly explained.

"So you want to take her ice skating?" Erin questioned.

"Yeah" He nodded eagerly, clearly he had been looking forward to it for a long time.

"She can barely walk, that doesn't seem safe" She replied, unconvinced.

"But she's really small so she doesn't have far to fall" He enthused.

"Oh, well that's fine then" She said sarcastically, her facial expression conveying her discontent.

"We'll dress her appropriately and I won't let her fall" He resolved.

"I'm not allowed to say no" Erin shrugged waving the invitation as proof.

"Good, it'll be fun. We need to spend some time together" Kelly grinned.

"We? I don't have to skate do I?" She questioned wondering if his input on the invitations was really worth that much.

"It's family time" He reminded.

"Alright, but I don't know how you're going to teach both of us at once" Erin said, hoping he would realise it was too much to coordinate and let her spectate.

"I'll manage" He said determinedly.

* * *

"Just make sure she doesn't fall backwards" Kelly instructed as he grabbed Shay's foot and put the skate on. Erin stood behind the bench seat, holding Shay's hands out the way. As soon as the skates were on Shay wanted to walk for herself, not realising they were any different to normal shoes. She protested loudly as they carried her to the entrance to the ice, both already wearing their skates.

"Please don't drop her" Erin said softly as she watched the man ahead of them fall as soon as he stepped onto the ice.

"I won't" He assured gliding gracefully onto the ice, clearly well practiced. Shay was fascinated by the strange movement and stopped struggling to concentrate. Erin followed Kelly hesitantly, never straying out of arms reach of the barrier. "Want a go Shay?" He questioned as he lowered her onto the ice.

"No!" Shay announced though it was clear she meant the opposite. They looked at each other, then simultaneously corrected her. It had only been a few hours since they'd been talking about her preference for the word. Shay very rarely said yes though it was often obvious she meant it and they had decided to make a point to say yes more often.

"It's ice" Kelly explained as Shay crouched down curious to feel the surface.

"Icy" She squealed not connecting the smooth surface with the frozen treat she was now expecting.

"Just ice" He said, standing her up. Erin couldn't help but get involved, taking Shay's hands and keeping her standing while Kelly moved her feet for her. "Sliding" He explained as he let go and she started stepping. He helped her again until she started moving her feet properly.

"She's getting it" Erin smiled as Kelly started to experiment with releasing his grip, always keeping his hands close enough to catch Shay when she wobbled. Trusting his ability to keep Shay safe Erin started to experiment with her own technique, observation her favourite educative method. They separated briefly when Kelly let go of Shay and she skated away, ignoring the dozens of adults gliding past her at high speed. He went to retrieve her but Erin wasn't confident enough to stray from the herd of beginners along the edges. It didn't take long for the novelty to wear off, after the third lap Erin was ready to leave. She could now skate and stop effectively and didn't really that learning anymore would be useful. Kelly was keen to keep going, already teaching Shay to move backwards. Erin stepped off the ice and put her shoes back on, taking her phone from the locker to get some photos. She ended up filming Shay twirling and swirling across the ice as Kelly followed along completely in awe of her natural ability. Kelly didn't let them leave until lunch time. Once she was satisfied she had captured the milestone Erin found the café and drank coffee while sorting through emails on her phone. Shay slept all the way home, exhausted

**I am well aware that it isn't typical to have a one year old ice skating but I know a few toddlers who can so it isn't impossible. This chapter was initially going to be all wedding planning but I couldn't resist some cute family time. I love the idea of the wedding at the botanic gardens (possibly because I spent one of my afternoons in Perth at their botanic gardens and saw 4 different wedding groups). While I was there I also found the Western Australian Firefighters Memorial…I'm not ashamed to admit it made me cry. **

**Note: I spent a good half hour tossing up between botanic and botanical :/ I'm fussy when it comes to using the right word and after extensive googling (plus checking an actual dictionary - yes those still exist) I couldn't figure out which was more correct… **


	46. Chapter 46

"What do you think you're doing?" Voight asked as he entered his office to find Erin going through his desk drawer.

"I another photo for you" She explained finally locating the battered leather photo album, she flicked open to the last image then slipped the new photo in next to it.

"What did Shay get up to on the weekend?" He questioned, the first few photos were of himself with Camille, Justin and eventually Erin. The rest was dedicated entirely to photographs of Shay.

"We took her ice skating" Erin replied turning the album around so he could see the photo.

"Sounds fun" He laughed taking the album, he had to resist the urge to flick through the rest of the photos. Every single image made him smile.

"She loved it" Erin smiled.

"Well I'm glad you had a good weekend because things are going to be hectic around here from now on" He explained, saddened to have to focus on work once more.

"New case?" She questioned.

"Yeah, a fourth woman was reported missing this morning, all members of a fancy golf club. It's the only connection we've been able to find so far. We're going to need you to go undercover for this one" He informed.

"Yeah sure" Lindsay nodded though he hadn't actually posed it as a question. It was possibly the first time she wasn't excited, there was so much going on at home.

"Olinksy and Powell are already working on your identity so you should head down and see what they've got first" He instructed. Lindsay nodded then left his office, heading straight downstairs to see how difficult it was going to be.

"Perfect timing, come here" Powell said as Erin entered his office, gadgets of every type strewn across every available surface. Erin didn't hesitate to follow his instructions, soon enough he had scanned her iris, linking it to the member's profile he was fabricating for her.

"Who am I?" She asked looking to Olinsky who was working on a fake passport and drivers licence, she suspected he had learned to forge documents on one of his long term undercover operations.

"Madeline Payne, a boring business woman" Powell explained.

"Thanks, couldn't come up with something interesting" She sighed.

"You have to blend in at the club so it's all profits and non-profits for you" He smiled.

"What sort of business?" She questioned, always keen to start memorising details as soon as possible.

"Sports equipment, that's why you're a member of the club, for business not because you have any interest in the game" Powell answered though it was a well-known fact that most golf club members were in it for the social aspect.

"Okay, so am I blending in or getting noticed?" She questioned.

"Blend in first, they're running charity dinners every night this week so it's a great chance to see how things work. Once you're able to link the women we morph your profile to suit and hope you get noticed by whoever is taking them" Olinsky instructed, not once taking his eyes off his work.

"I love being bait" She said sarcastically before leaving them to keep working. She suddenly had a lot to organise.

* * *

"Madeline Payne" Erin said clearly as she presented her invitation to the doorman.

"Welcome ma'am, here is the catalogue of items up for auction tonight" He replied stiffly, handing over the booklet before ushering her through the main doors. There were people everywhere, the first thing Erin did was gauge the suitability of her attire. Satisfied that she would blend in with the majority of the women she made her way into the crowd. Making her way to the right side she pretended to be interested in the auction items up for display. It was difficult not to look alarmed when she read the value of some of the artworks in the catalogue. After a few minutes of wondering what set the paintings here apart from Shay's artwork Erin spotted Atwater carrying a tray of drinks. Her loathing of solo work was never more apparent as she made her way towards him instead of playing the part and waiting for him. Catching her mistake before she ruined her cover she ignored him, took a drink and moved to the join the crowd admiring the most expensive item. An undeniably beautiful marble statue, there was already a murmur of discontent surrounding who would take it home. Erin knew it wouldn't be her. Making her way to the table she easily joined the conversation, careful to present herself as neither too keen nor too disinterested.

"Miss Payne?" Atwater asked, surprising Erin who had been trying to laugh genuinely at a ridiculously outrageous anecdote from the ancient man across the table.

"Yes?" She asked turning to face him.

"Ma'am if we could speak for a moment" He answered, replicating the manner of the other staff perfectly. Erin excused herself and stepped away from the table to speak with him.

"Voight's going to call you in five minutes with a change of plans, I've just told you that the valet damaged your car" He said calmly before walking her back to the table. Feigning frustration she explained what had happened to the rest of the table then let the conversation carry on as she looked at her watch. Curious to know what had changed she made her way to the bathroom with a minute to spare. Thankfully the bathroom was empty, everyone still busy eating. Hank called right on time, Erin answered before it even had a chance to ring properly.

"You need to win the auction for the statue" He instructed as soon as the line connected.

"How? I thought I was supposed to blend in" She questioned.

"Another woman has disappeared, we need to speed things up" He informed.

"That's going to draw so much attention though. And I don't have three million dollars to spend" Erin said, seeing only flaws.

"Powell is going to hack the bank account we set up for you, just do it, we'll sort it later. Attention is what we need" Voight asserted.

"Alright, I'll go register to bid" She agreed.

"You can't lose, it isn't real money" He added, hoping to boost her confidence.

"Got it" She confirmed before hanging up. Erin didn't have time to return to her table, the meal was over and the auction was already under way. The Pietra masterpiece she was going to bid for was the last item. After registering she moved through the crowd, placing herself neatly at the front and center, far away from those doing the most bidding. They liked to stay at the back so they could watch their opposition. The auction seemed to be progressing rapidly, Erin put that down to being nervous about bidding with more money than she was ever going to earn. She let the auction for the statue start without her. It was highly contentious with at least a dozen people bidding, seemingly at once. As the price increased and numbers dwindled she started to express her interest. In minutes it was just her and a rather attractive opponent. He looked like some sort of model, tall, dark and handsome in a crisp cream coloured suit. He was also not going to let it go, they continued to raise the stakes, he tried to scare her by going up in increments of half a million dollars. Erin was quite enjoying the ability to persist, her fictional wealth was infinite. When they reached the five million dollar mark he started to slow down, eventually giving in when he realised she wasn't going to let anything stop her. Grinning at her victory she spoke quickly with the organisers then made her way back towards the bathroom.

"You like Pietra then?" Her opponent asked, stepping right in front of her.

"Not particularly, it's for charity" She shrugged trying to step around him.

"That's awfully moral for someone who just spent a five million on a statue, surely you could just make a donation" He insisted moving to block her escape. She wasn't sure if she was reading too much into it but he gave her a funny feeling, the type she had learned to trust.

"Maybe I wanted to see how well you lose" She said, taking a different approach to see what he would do. There were plenty of people around and she could see Atwater watching her in the distance.

"And?" He questioned.

"Admirably" She answered.

"You are not a good loser?" He asked, phrasing indicating that he was not as British as his accent would suggest.

"I wouldn't know" She smiled, Erin was starting to like Madeline Payne.

"Maybe I'm being a good sport because you are beautiful" He answered after shaking his head at her quick response.

"In that case I insist we start the auction over, it's not fair for you to have surrendered to my looks" She said seriously, a half smile indicating she was teasing him.

"What are you going to do with it?" He questioned.

"I don't know, do you want it?" She asked not letting him see if she was serious or not.

"Very much" He answered instantly.

"How much" She questioned. If she sold something she didn't actually own for a profit she could pay out the debt and keep the rest she thought, smiling to herself.

"Almost as much as I want you" He replied, suddenly very serious, his almost black eyes locked on hers.

"Well I'm not up for auction" Erin said firmly as she pushed past him and entered the bathroom. Hiding in a cubical she was forced to text message Voight as other women primped and preened in the mirror. When she left the bathroom he was waiting, at least now she knew who he was. Cristiano Conti, an Italian underwear model turned entrepreneur.

"I apologise for being so forward" He said, falling into step beside her as she made her way into the crowd.

"I'm sorry for buying the statue you wanted" She replied, slightly put off by not having anywhere in particular to be. Erin was leading him randomly through the crowd, hoping to spot one of the people from her table so she could strike up a conversation. Anything to get rid of him so she could focus on finding out what was happening to the missing women.

"Stop" He said suddenly, grabbing her arm to prevent her getting any further ahead. It took a lot of will power not to turn around and fight him.

"What do you want?" She demanded snatching her arm away from him.

"I want you" He answered.

"You don't know me and I don't want you" She replied, eager to get away from him. Nobody seemed to think his behaviour was unacceptable, despite the fact he wasn't even trying to keep his voice down. If Atwater hadn't been watching her every move Erin would have felt scared.

"What is your name then?" He requested.

"I don't want to know you" Erin insisted taking a step backwards.

"Just your name, I'll leave you alone" He offered, eyes softening as he waited for her answer.

"Madeline Payne" Erin said carefully, it wasn't her real name and didn't mean anything but she needed him to think it was.

"Cristiano Conti" He introduced in return before turning on the spot and leaving. She watched him all the way until he disappeared out the front doors.

"Madeline, I didn't know you wanted that statue" piped up one of the women who had been at her table, Eve something.

"I think it will look good in my library" Erin replied, loving the way she could say something so absurd.

"Cristiano didn't look pleased to have lost it though" Eve admitted.

"Do you know him well?" She enquired, curious to know more about him.

"Not really, he's not my type. I'm not sure he's anyone's type since all that drama with his brother's wives" Eve replied, constantly watching the people around her.

"Wives?" Erin asked, questioning the plural.

"Didn't you hear? He was sleeping with both his older brother's wives. Deplorable behaviour for such a charming man" Eve revealed.

"Why would he do that?" She questioned.

"They're really only his half-brothers, he was written out of his fathers will when it came to the family business so he was angry at them I suppose. It's still no excuse. Nobody has forgiven him for it and he does not like that" Eve said, as if this sort of drama happened often in her social circles.

"He wasn't very pleased when I turned him down" Erin revealed.

"I bet he wouldn't have been. Be careful, he'll probably try again later in the week. He doesn't like to be rejected" Eve warned.

"Surely he won't try anything here" Erin said, probing for more information.

"That's what Lucille said and now she's been missing for three days" Eve said gloomily. Erin was familiar with Lucille Brockman, the second woman to go missing and only blonde.

"Do you think he was involved?"

"I'm sure of it, I just hope he hasn't done anything to hurt her"

"Is she a friend of yours?"

"Yes, we grew up together. Spent a whole summer on my father's yacht once" Eve said, smiling sadly. Erin finally concluded that their world was completely different from hers, yachts, libraries and multi-million dollar statues. It was obscene.

"So did the other women who are missing reject him too? Tara Short, Amelia Ebden and…" Erin had to stop herself, the news of Ashley Wu's disappearance probably hadn't spread yet.

"I don't really know, I never met them" Eve answered, seemingly not noticing the way Erin's sentence ended suddenly.

"Okay, thanks for warning me though. I'll be careful" She said, desperate to end the conversation and get this information back to the rest of the unit.

"Are you coming tomorrow night?" Eve asked.

"Yes" Erin answered immediately.

"Good. Without Luci I need someone to talk to. We can ask Tara and Millie's friends if they know about Cristiano. Figure it all out before the police like in a TV show" Eve proposed, clearly keen to get her friend back.

"Sounds good, I'll see you tomorrow then" Erin said. Eve walked away, slipping into another conversation in seconds. Erin made her way towards the exit, stopping to give Atwater a wine glass she had picked up off a side table on the way. "Thank you" She nodded, signalling that he could stand down as they'd rehearsed. She waited on the front steps until he brought the car around, taking on the role of valet and driver. Erin conveyed most of the new information to Voight during the car ride back to the district. Though she was eager to get home to bed she went over every last detail at least twice as they debriefed and made notes for the next day.

It was strange coming home to a dark and silent house, she took off her heels at the door and snuck through to the kitchen. Desperate for a glass of water. She dropped the glass in fright when something brushed past her leg in the darkness. Flicking on the light she found a cat watching her disapprovingly. In her rush to shoo the cat out of the house she stepped on a shard of glass, cutting her foot.

"You alright?" Kelly asked croakily from the doorway.

"Why is there a cat in our house?" She asked.

"I don't know" He said handing her a tea towel for her foot before opening the back door to let the cat out. The fluffy black feline seemed happy to leave. He cleaned up the glass while Erin applied antiseptic cream and a bandaid to the cut.

"I didn't mean to wake you" She said apologetically, following him up to the bedroom.

"You didn't" He replied, the bedroom light was still on and he had his laptop streaming a hockey game.

"I told you not to wait up, it's one in the morning and you have work tomorrow" She said particularly frustrated, she knew he wasn't keen on her doing undercover work but that didn't mean he had to lose sleep.

"Today, I have work today" He corrected, sitting on the bed to turn his laptop off.

"Exactly, you should be sleeping" She argued as she stepped into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

"Forgive me for not being able to sleep when you're out there putting yourself in danger" He replied as she watched him carefully from the doorway.

"I wasn't in any danger. It's just fancy dinners, the entire unit watch me, ready to move if anything happens" She explained despite the toothbrush in her mouth.

"So you have to do it again tonight?" He questioned.

"Yeah, I'll call you when I get home" She promised before popping into the bathroom briefly.

"You could stop by the firehouse on the way" He suggested hopefully when she returned.

"I still have to figure out what to do with Shay" Erin remembered.

"She can sleep at the firehouse, there's always someone there even if we're out on a call" He said, providing a great solution. She didn't want to burden Cindy, Hank and Jay were part of the operation and Gabby was working the same shifts as Kelly.

"I don't know. I'll think about it" She decided, joining him in bed.

"I'm glad you're alright" He whispered once she turned out the lights.

"You worry too much"

"Where's your ring?" He questioned, he had reached across to hold her hand the moment she had lay down, only now noticing the engagement ring was missing.

"In my desk at work, I had to take it off. I'm sorry" She apologised, she felt like she had apologised too much over the last few days.

"Doesn't matter" He answered, she almost wanted to turn the light back on so she could read his expression. To make up for it she shifted closer to him, cuddling close to try and comfort him. She was too tired to wait for it to work, falling asleep on his shoulder in seconds.

**It's been a while since I've written a case based chapter and this was quite fun, more soon :D**


	47. Chapter 47

In the morning Erin rolled over to find the bed empty, surprised that Kelly gotten up before her alarm had even gone off. She hoped he was just in the bathroom. Reaching for her phone to check the time she found that he'd left a note.

_You deserved some decent sleep, told Voight you'd be in at 9. See you in the morning. STAY SAFE. Kelly xxx_

Pleased that he's taken the initiative and frustrated that he had left without saying goodbye she decided not to dwell on it. Treating herself she stayed in the shower until she felt ready to face the day. Sorting through the information they had gathered and preparing to do it all over. Atwater had managed to get copies of the guest lists for all the events that week. They ran all the names through databases and found very little, definitely no one with a history of abducting women. Even Cristiano had a clean record. They already had access to all of the security so Powell was searching through to see if there were any interactions between Cristiano and the missing women. He seemed to have spoken to every woman at each event, though each time he locked onto a target and pursued her relentlessly. First Tara then Millie, Lucille and Ashley. Voight made sure to remind the unit that Tara had been missing for nine days, it worked as planned and they left for the golf club determined to get to the bottom of things.

Erin arrived alone again, though Halstead was joining her inside Voight forbid any interaction. The tone and venue had completely changed from the previous night. The dozen round tables were gone, replaced by one long table down the center of the room. They barely had five minutes to socialise, Erin searching the crowd for Eve, before they were asked to take their seats. She was frustrated but not surprised that Cristiano had somehow managed to get her seated next to him. There was little chance for him to talk to her though as the first speaker of the night took to the stage. Between each speaker, Erin lost count after the eighth, food would be served and brief conversations held. Eve was at the opposite end of the table, closer to Halstead, so there was no chance to follow up with her. At long last Atwater gave the signal that allowed Erin to leave, Voight had clearly decided they were wasting their time.

"Are you leaving?" Cristiano asked her as she left the table, desserts had only just been served and the speeches were far from over.

"Yes" Erin replied distantly before making her way to the exit. Cristiano followed her, a step behind the whole way. Out through the foyer then down the stairs to the valet station. Without Atwater there to drive her she had to wait for her car to be brought around. Cristiano saw it as his chance.

"So you are bored easily if you do not get to spend your money?" He questioned.

"Something like that" Erin answered. She had allowed herself the briefest moment of hope that she would be able to collect Shay from the firehouse and take her home to her own bed. It was too late though, Shay already be asleep in Kelly's office. At least she assumed Kelly had followed through on his plan to take Shay to work after her day with Cindy. She had been too preoccupied to follow it up. Now it was distracting her. Erin realised Cristiano had been speaking and she hadn't heard a word. "Sorry" She mumbled as she walked away from him, looking hopefully down the driveway.

"Madeline wait" He demanded moving quickly to keep up with her. She ignored him. Finally the headlights of her car appeared in the distance, they couldn't arrive quickly enough for her. "Will you be here tomorrow?" Cristiano asked desperately.

"Maybe" She answered.

"Please" He requested.

"Maybe" She repeated, the valet handed over her keys and she started to move towards the car door.

"Please" He insisted, grabbing her wrist so she was forced to twist and face him. This was becoming his signature move and Erin did not like it.

"Not if you're going to hurt me" She said, pulling to free herself from his grip. As if he hadn't realised he was hurting her up to that point he released her and stepped back apologising rapidly, in Italian at first then in English. The moment she was able to she climbed into her car and drove away. Halstead and Atwater had only just missed the situation but followed her all the way back to the district.

"Are you alright?" Voight demanded the moment he arrived. Erin had already taken a seat at her desk, typing up things she had overheard about the missing women before she forgot.

"Fine" She answered quickly, he sounded more concerned than was necessary.

"Well tomorrow night don't fight him, let him lead you to the other women" Voight instructed, his concern evaporating.

"We're not even sure he's the one taking them" Erin snapped, she knew she could handle herself but there was something about the way Cristiano acted in the heat of the moment that scared her.

"He can't be, we have him on camera before, during and after the times the women went missing" Powell informed, he had only just heard them and made his way upstairs.

"Exactly, he's a creep but he's not the person we're looking for" She said resolutely.

"He's probably paying someone to do it" Voight replied.

"What's his motive then? Most guys can handle rejection without resorting to abducting people" She questioned.

"After everything surfaced about his brother's wives he needs to assert himself. Punishing women who fail to see past his reputation makes sense" He answered, if he was right it wasn't a well thought out crime.

"Have we checked his bank records to see if he's paying someone else who's been there?" Erin asked Powell.

"I'm working on it" Powell confirmed. Erin slumped in her chair, eager for Olinsky and Ruzek to arrive so they could talk everything over sooner rather than later. She wanted to be in bed. When they finally arrived Erin took control and led the discussion hastily. Sure enough as soon as they covered everything they needed to Voight sent them home. Yawning the whole way Erin was so thankful to fall into bed, even if she was feeling lonely without Shay and Kelly. The worst part was that she couldn't wait around to see them in the morning. Voight demanded her presence bright and early with vital new information to share. It turned out that Cristiano was paying another guest, Phillip Roth, the money changing bank accounts within 24 hours of each abduction. It fit too well not to be directly related but they didn't have any evidence to prove it. That night Voight only had one task for Erin, enrage Cristiano enough that he would call in Roth, essentially she was to let herself be abducted. Back in her GPS enabled heels at last. She was so desperate for the whole case to be over, so that she could see Shay and Kelly, that she was almost looking forward to it. It was difficult to brush off Eve but once she had she made a beeline for Cristiano, he was only going to do something if she rejected him so he had to initiate the dialogue. Erin waited around for him, he was watching her from a distance. Ignoring Voight's orders she ended up talking with Halstead, something that immediately caught Cristiano's attention. Rather than trying to talk to her Cristiano simply walked over and poured his glass of red wine down the front of her dress. Halstead guided her all the way out to the car, just as confused as she was.

"Who would have thought trying to get abducted would be so hard?" Erin commented when they were back at the district. Voight kept things brief so Erin had some chance of salvaging her dress. She wouldn't have been half as annoyed if she hadn't planned on wearing it to Gabby and Matt's wedding on the weekend.

* * *

Kelly noticed three things when Erin walked through the front door, first was the wine stain on her dress, it was the most obvious and also looked very much like blood. Second was the bruising around her wrist and lastly the look of exhaustion she wore. He wasn't sure who was responsible but he wanted to make them pay. "I'm fine" She said before he had a chance to comment. Making her way straight to the laundry she had removed the dress and pulled on one of his t-shirts by the time he arrived. He watched as she scrubbed at the stain furiously then left the dress to soak.

"What happened?" He asked, blocking her exit from the room.

"Just work, I don't really want to talk about it right now. Is Shay asleep?" Erin asked, it had been so long since she'd seen her that nothing else seemed to matter.

"Yeah" He nodded, almost apologetically.

"I'm going to bed" She said, pushing past him. He followed her silently upstairs. She stopped in to check on Shay, sleeping peacefully in her crib. Then moved into the bedroom, he watched intently as she brushed her teeth and changed into her pyjamas.

"What's going on?" Kelly asked when she got into bed and turned out the light without a word.

"Nothing" She murmured, burying her head in the pillow.

"Erin please, we haven't seen each other for a day and a half. Then you turn up covered in wine with a bruised wrist. What am I supposed to do?" He questioned.

"Let me sleep" She replied, pulling the blanket up even further. Kelly decided to let her do what she wanted, they could talk about it in the morning. He ventured back downstairs and finished the documentary he had been watching, not absorbing anything as he tried to work out what to do.

* * *

Erin was just as hesitant to talk in the morning. She had woken early and was feeding Shay breakfast by the time he made his way into the kitchen. At first she ignored his questions by pretending to be focused on Shay, then she rushed around cleaning and straightening things and after that she had to get ready for work.

"Is there anything I can do?" He asked as she prepared to leave, reluctantly putting Shay down as she headed for the door.

"Can you buy me a new dress, for the wedding this weekend, and figure out some sort of present for them?" She asked.

"You know that's not what I meant" He said, clearly hurt that she wasn't talking.

"I'm sorry, we'll talk properly on the weekend. I just need to get this case sorted before then" She apologised.

"Alright" He shrugged knowing it was best not to get between her and her work. She stopped to give Shay another goodbye hug then left. Erin was relieved when Voight and Olisky shared their new plan, no more undercover work for the time being. All they needed was Phillip Roth's car, if it had traces of DNA from any of the women they would be able to charge him and interrogate him until he told them where the women were. It wouldn't take long for him to come around if Voight got him alone in the cage. Powell scoured CCTV from across the city in search of the car, eventually locating it in a hotel parking lot. Roth just happened to be making his way to his car when they moved in, Voight was quick to order his arrest. It took almost three hours for him to give up the location of the women, confessing to abducting them before they even had results from the forensics team. Even after this admission he refused to bring Cristiano Conti into it. The intelligence unit raided one of Conti's dozen homes in suburban Chicago and found the missing women. They were taken off to hospital, hungry and traumatized but otherwise well. Voight insisted they finish the initial paperwork, he still wanted Conti, then he would buy a round at Molly's. Erin skipped out and headed home, thrilled to spend some time with her family after a very stressful week. Kelly still wanted to know what had happened but put it aside in favour of a tower building competition.

**I know it seems like a weak ending to a case that I had a lot of build up for but they still haven't got Cristiano Conti… things might get interesting, you never know ;) Tomorrow's chapter is going to be massive if I'm to stick to the Chapter 50 as the wedding plan…!**


	48. Chapter 48

Erin knew that this was her only chance to talk to Kelly. They wouldn't get another opportunity with work and the Dawson-Casey wedding to attend. Taking a deep breath as she headed downstairs, she had spent an extra half hour just watching Shay sleep. Kelly was watching the television so she headed to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine.

"You drinking that or wearing it?" He questioned when she made her way into the lounge with the glass in hand. She couldn't tell if he was joking or angry.

"Are you still interested in hearing about my week?" She asked, ignoring his question as she joined him on the couch.

"Of course" He answered, turning off the television before shifting to face her.

"I had to go undercover to find four women who were abducted" She could already see that he didn't approve. "It was the easiest way to find out what was happening, which we did and they're all fine now" Erin summarised feeling it necessary to start with the positive resolution.

"So the bruise and the wine, how do they fit in?" He enquired trying to stay calm.

"The man responsible was just angry that the women had rejected him. I had to make him angry so he would want to abduct me as well, that way we could find them" She explained.

"Was it Voight's idea?" He demanded, anger rising in his chest.

"Was what his idea?" She asked, she understood what he meant but wanted him to have to say it.

"Using you as bait" He clarified.

"I was perfectly safe, Atwater and Halstead were right there with me and the rest of the unit were just outside" She answered, she wanted to reassure him but instead he thought she was being dismissive.

"So you were perfectly safe but the psycho kidnapper still managed to hurt you?" Kelly questioned.

"Kelly, it's just a bruise. I understand you don't like it, I didn't like it either but it's my job" She rationalised.

"So you got the girls back but did you get the creep?" He asked, after taking a moment to calm himself.

"Not yet, we're working on it. Voight isn't going to let this go" Erin assured reaching across to hold Kelly's hand. He ran his thumb across her bruised wrist, intentionally drawing attention back to the marks Cristiano's hand had made. All he wanted was for her to realise that her safety was more important than her work. In his mind anyway.

"Is he going to try to use you again?" He questioned

"Maybe, and I'd be happy to do it" She replied withdrawing her hands, she could tell this was going to be a point of contention.

"Even if I don't want you to?" He asked stiffening again.

"Yeah, it's part of my job" Erin reminded.

"Well your most important job is here, as a mother. The undercover stuff is too dangerous and unreliable. Shay needs you more" He argued.

"I know and I hated not seeing her but those women needed me too" She said firmly.

"Whatever" Kelly mumbled as he got up to retreat, there was no way he was going to win, not that he knew what they were fighting for. Her role in undercover operations was always going to be a source of conflict. He hoped she understood that he cared too much to remain level headed when she came home hurt. Even if it was just a bruise. Erin heard him moving around upstairs, not leaving the couch until she heard him turn off the shower. He was pulling on a shirt when she entered the bedroom

"What's that?" She asked her eyes draw immediately to the bag on her side of the bed. It was from one of her favourite dress shops, tissue paper spilling from the top indicating it wasn't empty.

"You wanted me to get you a dress" He shrugged.

"Oh, I didn't expect you to actually do it" She said as approached the bag, flattered that he had done what she had asked but concerned about his fashion sense. She couldn't help but smile as she opened her unexpected present.

"Well I did, and I got a wedding present too" He boasted, clearing their previous discussion from his mind as he watched the smile on her face grow. She unfolded the dress and took a moment to look at it properly. It wasn't something she would have bought for herself but the longer she looked at it the more she loved it. The purple and orange floral print, style and length were just right and it was definitely appropriate for the occasion.

"Thank you" She whispered trying to convey with her eyes how thankful she was, not just for the dress but for the way he cared.

"I hope you like it" He said watching her turn her attention back to the dress.

"It's beautiful, thank you" She said, putting the dress down so she could thank him with a kiss. Kelly needed more than one kiss to be convinced that she was alright following her undercover escapades.

* * *

Erin arrived at work feeling eager. She wanted to get back into her regular work routine and find a way to take down Conti without going undercover. She was on her way into Voight's office to explain this preference when Powell emerged looking disheartened. Voight followed right behind him, stopping to lean against the doorframe as he explained that Conti had fled in a private jet. He could be anywhere in the world because some lazy airport employee hadn't run the required checks. Voight made sure his unit felt just as much to blame, they hadn't known he owned a private jet though it should have been assumed and followed up. Feeling slightly deflated Erin hoped the day of paperwork would pass quickly. It was a welcome relief to accompany Voight to meet a CI late in the afternoon but he sent her back to her desk as soon as it was over. Relieved to finally be free for a few days she stopped by the firehouse on her way to collect Shay.

"I didn't expect you to be here" Erin said as she passed Gabby on her way to Kelly's office.

"I ran out of sick leave" Gabby groaned.

"Have you been sick?" Erin questioned, it had been a while since they had seen each other.

"Wedding planning mostly" Gabby informed as she pulled out her phone, typed something, then returned her attention to Erin.

"I chickened out and hired a wedding planner" Erin admitted.

"It's too late for that now" Gabby tried to laugh, she was clearly stressed.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Erin asked, certain she would come to regret it.

"Well there are about a million things to do so I'm sure I can find something" Gabby said as she ran her hand over her hair.

"I'll just check in with Kelly then come find you for instructions" Erin explained.

"Sure" Gabby nodded as she continued on her way. Erin paused at the closed door, unsure if she should knock. In the end she decided not to. Kelly slammed his laptop shut with such force upon seeing her that she was convinced he was doing something he shouldn't have been.

"What are you doing here?" Kelly questioned looking incredibly guilty.

"I just wanted to visit. Tell you I love you and maybe kiss you" She answered, eyes still narrowed as she tried to figure out what he was up to.

"Maybe?" He asked

"Yeah" She said reaching for the laptop. He shook his head fervently. "Okay then, bye" She said turning on her heels.

"Erin" He called after her but she kept walking. Finding Gabby was more difficult than expected, until Mouch informed Erin that Gabby was likely hiding in the showers to make phone calls to the florist again. Erin made her way to the bathroom slightly concerned that Kelsie hadn't yet brought up anything to do with flowers.

"Hey" Erin mouthed when she found Gabby pacing frantically as she rambled into her phone.

"Sorry" Gabby apologised when she hung up the phone.

"That's okay, what am I doing?"

"I need you to collect a parcel from the Mail Distribution Center in the city and deliver it to the church, it's the sign and guestbook stand but you don't have to assemble them. Just get the parcel before they close at six thirty" Gabby instructed, pulling sticky notes and a pen from her pocket in order to write down the instructions.

"Sure" Erin nodded, reading the note carefully to check she didn't need to clarify anything.

"Thank you" Gabby mouthed after answering her phone. Erin nodded in acknowledgement and left. Collecting Shay would take at least fifteen minutes, giving her an hour to get the parcel. Traffic was light and they made good time. The difficulty came in convincing the attendant to hand over the parcel, resorting to using her badge she stowed the parcel in her car and made her way to the church. She had never been inside the massive building before but instantly knew why Gabby had picked it when she did. The stained glass windows scattered coloured light beautifully, even in the late afternoon dim. After her first conversation with a priest in years her duty was done. She messaged Gabby to let her know then headed home to make dinner.

* * *

"Anything I can do?" Kelly questioned as he watched Erin brushing her teeth and putting on Shay's shoes at the same time. Erin shook her head, finished fastening the shoe then disappeared into the bathroom. By the time she returned he had put the shoe back on twice then distracted Shay with the miniature torch on his keychain.

"Five minutes and I'm ready" Erin said, dashing out of the room to pack everything Shay might need.

"We're still going to be early" He replied after looking at his watch.

"Good" She yelled in response. He took Shay downstairs and kept a close eye on her, Erin would kill him if Shay got something on her dress.

"Ready?" He called twenty minutes later when Erin still hadn't appeared. They had lost all the extra time he had factored in.

"Almost" Erin confirmed from the doorway. The car trip to the church as interesting as Shay removed and threw any clothing she could. One of her shoes hit the windshield, much to Erin's surprise, as they stopped at a red light. They arrived at the church, dressed Shay again then headed inside. Erin proudly pointed out the sign and guestbook stand she had delivered. Though she didn't really see the purpose, or the need for them to match. Kelly felt obliged to stop and talk with everyone while Erin was responsible for preventing Shay from destroying the floral arrangements along the aisle. They finally sat down and the wedding got underway. Erin missed most of the ceremony, her attention firmly fixed on keeping Shay quiet, an exceedingly difficult task. Kelly did his best to help but Shay wanted to converse with him. They didn't really get a chance to talk with Gabby and Matt until the reception. Kelly took over watching Shay to give Erin a chance to socialise and check everything out. If nothing else this was a great opportunity to see a wedding first hand. In the lull between dinner and dessert Erin found herself joined by Gabby.

"You've been watching me all day" Gabby commented.

"I've never been to a proper wedding before, but I have a pretty important one coming up so I've been trying to figure out how to be a good bride" Erin tried to explain. Gabby snorted with laughter.

"You're a detective and I'm not drinking at my own wedding, it's pretty obvious isn't it" Gabby said.

"What?" Erin questioned, suddenly confused, she had honestly just been conducting first hand research.

"I'm pregnant" Gabby announced softly after looking around to check no one was listening.

"Oh, I hadn't even noticed you weren't drinking, congratulations though" Erin replied trying to process the information.

"It's perfect timing though. I won't be allowed to work on Truck now we're married but I'll be busy with the baby anyway" Gabby smiled. Their conversation was interrupted by one of Gabby's cousins, Erin gave a quick wave and returned to the table. Shay had finally fallen asleep on Kelly's shoulder, Erin straightened Shay's dress then asked Kelly if they could leave.

"After cake" He agreed, it was the one thing he'd been looking forward to. The cake was pretty incredible, Erin was even more excited about their wedding cake tasting Thursday afternoon. She had avoided telling Kelly, he would just get overexcited, but had made a special effort to make sure he wasn't on shift.

* * *

Kelly was confused when Erin ordered him to change his shirt and put on some shoes. Thinking they were going to the park he didn't bother to hurry. When they got in the car and drove in the opposite direction to the park he got confused. All was revealed when they pulled up out the front of a cake shop, massive wedding cakes on display in the window.

"Kelly this is Kelsie our wedding planner" Erin introduced as they met outside the door.

"Nice to meet you" Kelly said politely as he held the door open for them all.

"At last" Kelsie commented before leaving Kelly and Erin to talk while she spoke to the owner. Neither of them had any idea how complicated cake making could be until they took a tour through the kitchen. Shay chanted 'cake' the entire time, much to the amusement of the staff. They looked through a photo album, pointing out possibilities, then finally got to sample the flavour option. Kelly could barely contain his excitement. Erin loved to see him so happy about something wedding related. He was always there for a second opinion but basically left everything up to her.

"We can't not have that one" Erin concluded after tasting the red velvet cake.

"But I prefer that one" Kelly said cautiously pointing to the more neutral butterscotch flavoured cake.

"Try it again" She insisted, pushing the plate towards him.

"Erin, I like that one" He replied stubbornly.

"But…" She complained, giving him her best pouting face.

"But you've made all the decisions, I want that one" He contended.

"Only because you haven't wanted to get more involved" She defended, slightly hurt he would use it against her. She had provided plenty of opportunities for him to get involved but he always volunteered to look after Shay instead. They both had the realisation at the same time, simultaneously looking to Shay who was happy sucking icing from a spoon.

"Not fair, she'll pick the red one" He complained, but he couldn't think of a better way so he waited to see the results, already forming rebuttal.

"We'll see" Erin said confidently as she placed the two plates front and center then lifted Shay onto her lap. "Which one Shay?" She asked. Shay looked confused then reached her hand out, slowly, indecision evident. At that last second she realised she had two hands and simply grabbed a piece of each.

"Well that didn't work" Kelly laughed.

"We'll just have to figure out a way to have both" Erin concluded, practically begging Kelly to argue.

"I have an idea" Kelsie interrupted before Kelly had a chance.

"Yeah?" Erin asked hopefully.

"It's a little more expensive but you can go for a cake for the night and cupcakes for everyone to take home. You're already having the ice cream so guests won't want very much cake. And sending people home with cupcakes is a great little thank you present" Kelsie explained.

"I have a photo of something like that" The head cake decorator added from his station across the room. Erin waited for Kelly to say something, eventually Kelsie's questioning expression got to him and he had to speak.

"Sounds good" He agreed.

"I think so" Erin added as a photo was produced, a medium sized, round white cake surrounded by layers of cupcakes, icing fading from white through to a salmon pink. "That's pretty."

"I like it" Kelly agreed.

"We can match the colour to the bridesmaid's dresses" The decorator offered

"We'll work on that" Kelsie said comfortingly to Erin, they had tried to discuss bridesmaid's dresses, something that would continue to be impossible until Erin actually selected some bridesmaid's.

"So we have butterscotch for the cake and red velvet for the cupcakes?" Kelly asked.

"That works" Erin agreed, it was the order she had preferred anyway.

"Very easy" The baker assured. They briefly discussed numbers and prices then placed an order, icing colour and decorations pending. They would discuss it and get back to them closer to the date. Erin needed to get Shay home and feed her some actual food before the sugar overwhelmed her system.

"I'm really sorry, I didn't think before I spoke" Kelly apologised the moment they got in the car.

"Its fine, you're right" She shrugged.

"I just want you to enjoy the wedding" He said softly

"How could I not, you've got to remember that everything else is just extra. The day is about you and me" She reminded.

"Can I take you out to dinner to apologise?" He asked, placing his hand on her thigh.

"You don't need to do that" She answered, though the fact that he had offered made her smile.

"I want to though" He asserted.

"With Shay?" She asked.

"I'm sure we can find someone to watch her" He replied, it had been far too long since their last date night.

"Jay didn't mention any plans at work this afternoon" She suggested hopefully.

"I would call him but it's probably better if you do" Kelly answered.

"Just call him" She said, turning the last corner before home.

"Fine" He said, taking her phone and searching through her contacts for her partner. Erin listened carefully as Kelly requested Jay's babysitting services. "He says no" Kelly relayed dejectedly.

"Tell him he owes me" Erin instructed.

"He wants to know what for?" Kelly asked.

"Tuesday morning" She replied, Kelly conveyed the message and sure enough they had an agreement.

"What happened on Tuesday morning?" Kelly enquired as he collected Shay and followed Erin inside.

"He made a rookie mistake while we were doing some weapons maintenance, the unit would never let him live it down if I told them" She said, vaguely enough that she couldn't be accused of going back on her word.

"I'll make her dinner if you want to get changed" He offered.

"Why are you being so nice?"

"Because I love you" He replied, she couldn't argue with that so she headed upstairs to get dressed. She stopped at the top of the staircase, something was wrong. Scanning the landing she spotted the problem, the cat that had caused her cut foot was back again.

"What do you want?" Erin asked the furry creature, not sure how to get it downstairs and out the door without touching it. It tilted its head in response then walked confidently past her and down the stairs, slipping through the baby gates with ease. Erin followed and let it out the front door, she really wanted to know how it was getting in so she could stop it. Having wasted enough time already she headed back up the stairs to get dressed, changing her plain t-shirt for a sequined top that she barely ever wore. There was nothing wrong with her jeans so she kept them and swapped her comfortable boots from some delicate velvet ballet flats.

"He's here" Kelly yelled up the stairs. In the time it took him to answer the door Shay had thrown her fork, leaving a lovely red tomato sauce mark on the wall, and resorted to using her hands to get the pasta into her mouth. Erin checked on Shay and gave Jay some last minute instructions before she was ready to leave. Feeling particularly generous she let Kelly drive, that and she wanted to see where they would end up.

"This is a bit fancy" She commented as he pressed the top floor button in the elevator, the _Cloudtop_ restaurant was located high above the city, with three hundred and sixty degree views.

"I'm very sorry" He reminded.

"Still…" She started, then decided to let it go and have fun. They were seated immediately, clearly Thursday nights weren't particularly popular. Taking their time to talk a little before ordering. It always amazed Erin that they could live and spend most of their free time together but still find something new to talk about. They ate their dinner in silence, appreciating the view of the city.

"I have a present for you" Kelly announced once the waiter collected their plates.

"Ooh, I like presents" She smiled, personally thinking that a night out with Kelly and good food was already a present.

"Stay calm" He instructed as he handed her an envelope, she looked at him, concerned and confused, then opened it. She pulled out three plane tickets.

"What?" She asked herself as she read the tickets.

"Calm" He reiterated.

"These are for tomorrow!" She half shouted, lowering her voice progressively as she became aware of their location.

"I know, I'm taking you and Shay on a pre-honeymoon, she doesn't get to come on the real one and you need some time off. It's just for the weekend, planned and paid for" He explained softly, squeezing her hand as he tried to gauge her reaction. She looked stunned.

"Tomorrow" She squeaked.

"Yeah, I'm taking the day off, you go to work as usual. I'll pick you up from work on our way to the airport and we'll be at the resort by this time tomorrow" He explained with a hopeful smile.

"Okay" She nodded, finally coming to terms with what he was saying.

"Shay's going to love the beach" He laughed.

"Yeah" Erin agreed. "Is that what you were doing on your laptop when I stopped by the Firehouse last Friday?"

"Yep, I wanted it to be a surprise" He answered.

"Well you have" She laughed. They ordered dessert and talked about his plans for the weekend, sleeping late, playing on the beach or in one of the pools and eating at the restaurant each day. Naturally Erin was more concerned about the logistics, what they were going to need to pack for Shay and how they were going to manage her in the confined space on the plane.

"I've already worked that out" He said when she raised the plane issue.

"Yeah?" She questioned.

"I just won't let her have her afternoon sleep, then she'll be tired enough to sleep on the plane" Kelly said, feeling particularly smart.

"Or she'll be doubly grumpy" She replied sceptically.

"I'll take her to the park before we pick you up" He added.

"Alright" Erin agreed, certain that would burn enough energy.

"What do you want to do now?" He asked, they'd already eaten as much as they could.

"Go home and pack" She suggested.

"Does that mean you're excited?" He questioned, it had been a massive risk and he needed confirmation that she was genuinely happy.

"Very" She answered, nodding enthusiastically.

* * *

"We're going on a plane" Kelly told Shay as he carried her to the airport window to look out at all the planes. Shay had been unsettled since they'd arrived at the airport, she thought he was going away again.

"We board all the way up the other end" Erin informed.

"Okay, well look at the planes up there" He said, following Erin's lead as Shay clung even tighter to his shirt.

"This is us" She announced when they arrived at Boarding Gate 23. Judging based on the people in the waiting area it was going to be a quiet flight, Shay appeared to be the only small child. Erin felt nervous, what if Shay decided to have a massive tantrum and annoyed all the other passengers?

"I'm not going anywhere" He soothed when Shay started to cry as the announcer called for their flight to board.

"We're going on an adventure" Erin added leaning in to kiss Shay on the head. It didn't seem to help much and Shay only got louder as they joined the line to board. When they reached the front of the line Erin handed over the tickets while Kelly finally got Shay to stop crying. They boarded the plane and found their seats, Erin holding Shay while Kelly placed their biggest bag in the overhead locker. As soon as Kelly sat down Shay was back in his arms not yet trusting that he wasn't leaving. They watched the remaining passengers board then made sure everything they could need was located somewhere they could reach.

"Sorry folks, we're going to have a little bit of a delay getting out of here because of the wind" The pilot informed over the intercom system after twenty minutes of waiting to take off. It was another ten before they even started taxiing out to the runway. During which time they re-enacted the first half of the Lion King with Shay's toy lion. Shay was getting sleepier by the minute, yawning and rubbing her eyes. Taking off woke her up briefly but as the plane levelled out she fell asleep.

"I still can't believe we're doing this" Erin smiled, reaching over to hold his free hand.

"It's pretty crazy" He whispered back.

"And awesome" She laughed, looking out the window as the city lights disappeared behind them. She raised the armrest and snuggled up to Kelly's side. Shay took the opportunity to stretch out across both of them. Erin was tired, it had been a long week at work, but too excited to even think about sleeping. Turbulence about halfway through the flight woke Shay briefly. Erin handed Shay her lion which she held to her chest with one hand while sucking on the fingers of the other. She slept through the landing and baggage collection, stirring slightly when they strapped her into the car seat for the short drive to the resort. Erin took Shay while Kelly managed their bags and bookings. Their first priority upon entering their room was to get Shay to bed. Erin was pleasantly surprised that Kelly had remembered to request a crib for her. It wasn't until Erin was unpacking her bag from the plane that she realised the problem. Shay's lion was missing. Without delay Erin called the airport, they forwarded her call to the correct airline who agreed to hand the toy in to the airport lost property desk if they found it. They would have to wait until morning to go back to the airport and see. At home it wouldn't have been a drama, Erin had two identical lion toys hidden just in case.

"You're more worried about it than she is" Kelly commented when Erin continued to pace well after he suggested the head to bed.

"She's asleep" She replied, the lion was her key strategy when it came to getting Shay to sleep. If they couldn't find it things would quickly get difficult.

"She won't even notice, she's in a new and strange place, she'll be too busy exploring" He comforted.

"Of course she will" Erin sighed, brushing her teeth before joining him in the bed, unfortunately her delay meant he had chosen the best pillow.

Erin quickly decided that she could get used to waking up to the sound of crashing waves. Even through the curtains she could tell it was a bright sunny day, perfect beach weather. Kelly and Shay were both still sleeping heavily after she had a cup of coffee so she left a note and headed back to the airport. The relief she felt when the lion was handed over was immense, she was secretly quite attached to this particular lion toy. The others hadn't been through the washing machine a dozen times after being thrown up on, painted, dragged across supermarket floors and through mud in the park. This lion was special. Now for the first time he was going to get sandy. Back in the room Kelly and Shay had eaten breakfast and were getting ready to go to the beach. Erin got changed while Kelly smeared sunscreen all over Shay, putting some on the lion too for good measure. Thrilled to be out in the sunshine they walked down to the beach. Twenty minutes later they made their way to the pool, vowing never to return. At least not while Shay was little. Shay loved the sand, too much. Within minutes she'd shoved a handful into her swimming diaper and another into her mouth. The sunscreen hadn't had long enough to dry and was acting as glue, turning Shay into a sandpaper baby. Shay didn't know what to do so she rubbed both sand and sunscreen into her eyes, screaming when it started to sting.

"That was not a good idea" Kelly realised as they rinsed Shay off under a shower, which only ran cold making Shay even more upset.

"Way too much sand" Erin agreed.

"I think she's still got some in her mouth" He commented as they entered the pool, it was the nearest to their room, and happened to completely empty as well. The pool water washed off the remainder of the sand leaving Shay much happier.

"We should get her into swimming lessons" Erin remarked, it was important for her safety and it wouldn't hurt to get her started soon.

"That could be fun" He nodded.

"I'll look it up when we get back" She agreed before tickling Shay's feet beneath the water. It turned into a full on tickle fight which then evolved to splashing. Shay laughed and squealed along with her parents who had forgotten everything else in the world, truly living in the moment. Completely soaked they trudged back up into their room and all climbed into the shower together. Warm and clean they ventured out along the beach to a café for lunch. Then they lounged around and slept the afternoon away, Shay nestled between her parents on the bed.

"I wish we could stay here forever" Erin whispered softly.

"You'd get bored pretty quickly, and all that sand" Kelly said recalling the horror of the beach. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to think of the beach without picturing Shay covered head to toe in sand.

"That was a disaster" She groaned, it definitely didn't turn out how she'd expected.

"But now she's been to the beach" He raised as the positive outcome.

"True, and you got a few photos to prove it. Hank will love one" She agreed.

"He's got quite a collection" He said, reaching across to run his fingers down her arm.

"He loves her" Erin smiled, she loved seeing her daughter and her father figure together. Shay softened Hank in a way she hadn't known possible.

"I know, it's good for her to have at least one grandparent in her life" He said.

"You invited your dad to the wedding" She reminded.

"But I doubt he'll show" Kelly shrugged, he had stopped caring about his father's approval as soon as he held Shay. The moment he knew what it was like to love another human being as a father he lost all respect for the man who had walked out.

"He might surprise you" She said optimistically, not sure that Kelly even wanted anything to do with his father.

"Is your mum coming?" He asked in retaliation.

"That's not fair" She complained rolling off the bed, it was a completely different situation. After eating a banana she forgave him, joining him on his side of the bed. The moment they kissed Shay woke up. Kelly laughed then convinced them to put on jackets and head out along the pier to watch the sunset. It was so windy at the end that Shay snuggled in the front of Kelly's jacket to keep warm, he kept one arm around Erin as well. They huddled together until the light faded then headed back in. Then they were off to the restaurant for dinner, and afterwards into bed for a movie about surfing penguins.

"I love you" Kelly whispered immediately before drifting to sleep.

"I love you too" Erin replied then switched off the television and joined him.

* * *

Erin tried to enjoy every moment of the next day though from the moment they woke up she was disappointed they had to leave so soon. They spent the morning trying out the other pools then showered, dressed and checked out. Leaving their luggage in lockers while they wandered the beach, pier and shops. They bought souvenirs, some genuine, others comedic. They walked along the shoreline, Kelly keeping Shay on his shoulders, back to the hotel. With their luggage they returned to the airport, boarded their plane and slipped seamlessly back into their lives.

**So while I would love to, I didn't make a big fuss over the Dawsey wedding because I'm saving all my good wedding descriptions… I went a little overboard on the storyline with Shay's toy lion (who I've very creatively named Roary) but I still get my stuffed tiger out when I'm sick or sad. Other than that this is a long and fun chapter in my opinion. The wedding is so close and I'm really excited so I hope you are too, let me know if there's anything in particular you can see happening :D**


	49. Chapter 49

Erin had been concerned that the pre-honeymoon would put wedding preparations behind schedule. Instead it provided a boost in motivation. Kelly was also making more of an effort to get involved in the process of wedding planning. "Alright, we can't avoid the bridesmaids and groomsmen conversation any longer" Erin declared early one Saturday morning. If they put it off any longer they wouldn't have time to organise what they would be wearing. It would also help to have extra opinions to settle the disagreements they were constantly having.

"I thought we talked about this, Katie and Matt. Done" Kelly said, already wishing he could go back to sleep to escape the endless wedding preparation.

"But I want to ask Nadia, so you need a second person as well" She explained.

"Why?" He questioned.

"It'll look stupid if it's uneven" She said, it was a struggle to plan the 'perfect' day and keep in mind that it was all supposed to be making them happy. All their guests would have expectations and she felt the need to meet them.

"All they do is stand there" He shrugged, taking a moment to give her a serious look.

"Exactly" She encouraged.

"Well I can't think of anyone" He replied with a sigh.

"What about one of the squad guys?" She asked, surely he could simply pick one of the six men he worked with every day.

"But I can't just pick one of them, it wouldn't be fair to the others" He complained.

"It doesn't have to be fair" Erin reminded sternly.

"I'm their leader, I've messed up enough in that role already" He answered.

"No you haven't. Think about it, who do you know that would be willing to wear a suit for a day to get free food?" She asked, only half joking.

"Any guy with a half a brain would agree but that's not the point. This is a big deal, it's our wedding and the roles are supposed to mean something. That's why I'll just have Matt and you can give Nadia another job" He decided, not fully understanding the role Nadia played in Erin's life.

"She deserves to be a bridesmaid, she's been working really hard at work and she's practically been my personal assistant for everything wedding related. Without her and Kelsie we wouldn't have achieved anything" Erin justified.

"So basically, you've already made the decision and I have to accommodate you" Kelly reviewed feeling it necessary to remind her that they were in it together.

"Newsflash: that's pretty much going to be your life when we're married" She replied, it couldn't be a surprise to him that she was so determined to get her way.

"I will find someone" He concluded.

"Good, you have until Monday morning. After that I choose someone for you" She said assertively.

"Fine" He grumbled, rolling out of bed to start the day with a shower. Erin lay back in bed to think for a moment, she didn't want to compromise but knew if she didn't he would revert back to observing wedding preparations. Continuing to think on it as she breakfasted with Shay then got on with the day. By dinner time she had come up with a solution.

"Alright, I know I'm being a bossy bitch when it comes to the wedding so I've come up with a plan. We both get three final decisions, when there's something we can't agree on you use it and the other person has to give in" Erin explained as they ate.

"Sounds good, but what if we both want to use one on the same thing?" He asked, it was the only flaw in the system.

"Then we can defer to Kelsie" She said, having full confidence that Kelsie would pick what was best for the wedding.

"Alright, deal. But you should only start with two to make up for being such a bossy bitch" He teased.

"Ouch" She replied, though she knew she deserved it.

"Do we have a deal?" He questioned, holding out his hand.

"Fine" She agreed, shaking it firmly. Instead of releasing her hand he pulled it closer, pressing his lips to the back of her hand. Locking eyes with her he tried to convey his determination to get through the rest of the planning phase without conflict.

"Well in that case I get the final decision on the car, and what the groomsmen wear… I'll save my last one" He informed.

"That's not how it works, you're supposed to wait until we disagree" Erin objected.

"I'm just saving us the trouble of an argument, though you are awfully cute when you're annoyed" He joked.

"Cute?" She asked, outraged that he would ever describe her as cute. It was a word for babies, or puppies and kittens, not cops.

"Undeniably" He smiled, her reaction proving his point.

"What sort of car do you want then?" She asked her lack of say in the matter a little liberating, if anyone had an issue with it she could blame him.

"Well after you, Shay and work my car is the most important thing in my life, it's only fair she's involved"

"She? Really?" Erin questioned, he had never used female pronouns to describe the vehicle before.

"You love her" He assured.

"Don't know about that" She shrugged, the car was great, just lacking adequate safety features. Seeing as he was the one who extricated car crash victims for a living she didn't understand his willingness to continue to drive it.

"Well the decision has already been made" He reminded, smiling at his small victory.

"Dare I ask what you want the groomsmen to wear?" She asked.

"Haven't thought of that yet, but they'll thank me when you try to force them into pink tuxedos" He laughed.

"Very funny, but we really need to work out a colour. There's no way I'm making Katie wear a dress the same colour as the invitations" She explained, hoping to convey that it was a serious matter.

"Definitely not, but please not tonight" He requested.

"Alright, no wedding talk for the rest of the night" She agreed.

"Good, the hockey game is about to start" He said with a grin that indicated he'd planned all along to use the game to avoid wedding discussions. It explained why he'd cooked dinner early.

"You didn't list hockey as one of the most important things in your life" Erin realised, the omission invalidated the entire list. He was left to think about where hockey fit in while she encouraged Shay to keep eating. "One more mouthful and you can watch the hockey" Erin bargained with Shay. They worked together to clean up the kitchen then headed to the couch to watch the game. Kelly always ended up engrossed in the game but Erin still saw it as valuable family time.

* * *

"Jay is going to be your second groomsman" Erin informed when she called Kelly at 12:01pm on Monday.

"That's not fair!" He protested, never expecting her to actually hold him to the deadline.

"I gave you two and a half days" She reasoned, it was perfectly fair to hold him to an agreement they had made.

"Erin, he's your friend not mine" He explained, though it wasn't actually a bad idea.

"Katie is your sister, you specifically asked me to include her" She reminded pettily.

"But…" He whinged in an accordingly juvenile tone. He thought her final decision policy was an admission of, and, apology for, her controlling tendencies.

"Well do you have anyone else you can ask?" She asked, deciding to give him one last chance.

"No" He groaned, once again she was right.

"Then it's done" She concluded.

"This counts as one of your final decisions" He stated.

"No it doesn't! This arrangement was in place before any of that started" She argued instantly, cut off by the bell that called him to work.

"I have to go, love you" He said quickly, she could hear them being requested at an apartment fire. She was completely used to his phone calls ending this abruptly but had never imagined she would recognise the address of the fire, her old apartment.

"Love you too" She mumbled, he was already gone. Not sure what to do she sat stunned for a few minutes, until Halstead started throwing paper clips at her. Realising that the apartment was no longer hers didn't terminate her attachment to it. Kelly was the perfect man for the job, he would do his best to save it she rationalised before getting back to work.

* * *

"I'm really sorry" Kelly said softly after informing her that her apartment, along with both the neighbouring apartments, had been destroyed.

"It's just an apartment" Erin said, trying to distance herself from the emotion.

"No, it was your apartment, then it was ours, it was Shay's first home, it was an important place. It's okay to be upset" He said, rubbing her arm gently.

"Okay" She nodded. He pulled her into a hug and held her tightly she reflected upon everything that had happened there.

"That entire end of the building is structurally unsound, they'll probably condemn the whole thing" He added, figuring that now was the best time to deliver even more bad news.

"What caused it?" She asked, she had barely moved into the building when someone tripped the fire alarm system. The sprinklers had been very effective, ruining half the paperwork from the realtor. If the system worked then it should have worked when the fire broke out today.

"No idea, there department will conduct an investigation" He explained, rubbing large circles on her back.

"Okay" She nodded, giving him a final squeeze before stepping back.

"What's for dinner?" He asked after a pause, hoping that it wasn't insensitive to change subjects so quickly.

"I don't know, you'll have to figure it out" She said, grabbing her keys and phone.

"Why?" He interjected before she had a chance to explain, he had already cooked two nights in a row.

"Because I have a doctor's appointment. There are plenty of options in the freezer that you only have to reheat" She explained quickly.

"What do you need an appointment for?" He asked, looking worried.

"Whatever you pick make sure Shay eats it all Cindy said she didn't eat much of her lunch" Erin said, either evading the question or genuinely more interested in Shay's dinner. Kelly couldn't tell but didn't have a chance to seek clarification as Erin kissed Shay and left without a word. The first appointment he let slide, the way she avoided his questions indicated it wasn't something he would want to hear about. He put it down as a sensitive, female only, health issue and didn't dig too deeply. After she attended a second appointment a week later and a third a few days after that he started to get curious. Curious and concerned. Trying to be thoughtful he made sure she ate well and got enough sleep but there was no obvious change in her behaviour. The only way he was going to figure it out was to ask her.

"Are you alright?" He asked, looking at her through the reflection in the bathroom mirror.

"Yeah fine" She answered without hesitation before starting to brush her teeth.

"You aren't sick?" He questioned. She shook her head. "Then why have you been going to the doctor?" He felt relieved to finally ask. It was frustrating that he had to wait for her to finish brushing her teeth to answer, he made a mental note not to have important discussions in the bathroom from now on.

"It's nothing important" She started.

"Erin, just tell me" He directed.

"We're getting married" She said not sure where she was going to take the conversation from there.

"And?" He asked, trying to understand what the wedding had to do with it.

"I thought I'd be proactive about health insurance, being married means we need to change our cover, but that involves going to check-ups. Each company recommended a different doctor" She explained, smiling triumphantly at the end. To him it looked a lot like she was pleased to have fabricated a convincing lie.

"Why didn't you just tell me that?" He questioned immediately.

"You've been really busy with the fundraiser for Naomi and I didn't want you to feel obliged to go to appointments as well" She answered, this time managing to internalise the smile.

"If you say so" He accepted, it was late and he wanted to get to bed. That didn't mean he was finished investigating though and he was already planning his next move.

"I'm sorry" She said sincerely, taking his hand as she led him into the bedroom.

Kelly didn't have a chance to pry over the next week and after that the wedding was so close he almost forgot. Besides, Erin had stopped going to the doctor so it couldn't be the serious illness he had led himself to believe. He divided his free time between fundraising for Naomi Newhouse's education fund and helping out with the last minute wedding tasks.

"How can we possibly have everything sorted?" Erin asked on Tuesday night when Kelsie called to confirm that there was nothing left for them to do.

"Don't question it, just enjoy it" He instructed.

"But we must have forgotten something" She worried.

"What else could we need?" He questioned placing his hands on either side of her head.

"I don't know, do you think we have enough decorations?" She asked, certain there must be something left to do.

"Definitely, what more could you want? An ice sculpture?" He asked jokingly, they really did have everything else already.

"Of what?" She demanded, pretending to seriously consider the possibility of an ice sculpture.

"A firetruck" He answered instantly, she couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm serious though, what else can I do?"

"Pack for our island adventure" He suggested not expecting her to take him seriously. She spent an hour folding and sorting clothes into her suitcase while he lounged on the bed watching. In the end she only stopped when Kelly practically carried her to the bed then trapped her in place, kissing her hungrily to distract her.

"Okay, I'll stop packing" She surrendered when he pulled back to assess her reaction.

"Good, I was worried I'd have to keep kissing you" He smiled, kissing her once more before turning off the light and settling into bed. It was the last time they would kiss before the wedding.

**Tomorrow we'll see if all their time planning pays off… **


	50. Chapter 50

**CHAPTER 50! I can't believe I've made it this far. Thank you all for reading :D **

"Let me take that" Hank offered extending his hand for Erin's bag. After a second of indecision she handed it over giving him a nod and a smile. She followed him as he carried it up the stairs into her old room. Nothing had changed since she'd delivered the bridesmaid's dresses the previous day, the wardrobe door still ajar, revealing the two dresses and her wedding dress. Hank placed the bag on the bed then turned to see her smiling, it settled his nerves slightly.

"Sorry" She said, blinking rapidly to clear her head.

"Don't be, dinner will be ready in ten" He informed, stepping out of her room so she had some time alone. Erin let her eyes drift back to the dress, butterflies already fluttering wildly at the thought of what wearing it meant. After a few calming breaths she unpacked her things. Pulling out her phone she smiled at the photo Kelly had sent, Shay had a piece of broccoli in one hand and some cauliflower in the other. He had teased her about feeding Shay marshmallows and popcorn for dinner. She didn't bother to send a reply, throwing her phone onto the bed before heading downstairs to see if Hank needed any help in the kitchen. The silence continued through dinner. Afterwards they tried to watch television but neither paid any attention to the program, Erin was thinking about the wedding while Hank watched her closely. Though she wasn't at all tired she made her excuses at nine o'clock and retreated to bed. Laying in the darkness, she wondered what Kelly was doing. He was probably in bed as well.

* * *

"Want another?" Capp asked, getting up to take his empty beer bottle to the kitchen.

"Nah, I'm good" Kelly replied, Erin had made him promise to have a quiet night. Having his friends over wasn't strictly breaking that promise. Even if she thought it was he had a perfectly reasonable way of justifying their presence. He needed something to distract him from how much he missed her. It was utterly ridiculous, it was less than twenty-four hours until they would see each other again. In fact in twenty-four hours they would be married. It was hard to admit that that scared him a little bit, he just wanted everything to run smoothly.

* * *

Erin woke up feeling like she had only been sleeping for a few minutes, the light and chirping birds convinced her otherwise. Grinning madly she realised this was it, after months of waiting the day was finally here. Buzzing with excitement she made her way downstairs. "Good morning" She announced as she entered the kitchen to find Hank cooking breakfast.

"Morning" He replied starting to serve the bacon and eggs he had prepared. Erin buttered the toast and they sat together at the table.

"You used to start every weekend by asking me if I had plans" She reflected with a laugh.

"Got any plans this weekend kid?" He asked, he'd used the line a thousand times over the years.

"Oh, not much really. Just marrying the man I love" She answered with a shrug.

"Not nervous then?" He questioned, narrowing his eyes.

"A little" She admitted shifting the egg around her plate to try and make it look as if she'd eaten more than she had.

"Good" Hank smiled, instantly more cheerful.

"Good, how is that good?" Erin demanded.

"Well not being nervous would mean you aren't taking this seriously. It's very serious to commit to spending the rest of your life with someone" He elaborated with a thoughtful look.

"Not helping, and I know it's serious. I'm more worried about leaving Shay for a week than about marrying Kelly" She explained.

"That's understandable, but I'll take good care of her" He assured giving her hand a quick squeeze.

"I know" She nodded, about to remind him that he would have plenty of help when the doorbell interrupted them. After exchanging a variety of looks she got up and went to answer the door. She would really rather they weren't running this far ahead of schedule.

"Hey, sorry" Gabby said when Erin opened the door, still in her pyjamas.

"Nothing to be sorry for, what's up?" Erin asked, stepping aside to lead Gabby though into the sitting room. It was unexpected but nice to have a visitor, the added bonus was that Gabby would know exactly what she was feeling.

"I just wanted to see how you're going, I pestered Antonio until he gave me the address" Gabby revealed.

"I'm fine, the perfect ratio of excitement to nervousness. For the time being anyway" Erin replied, it was nice to know Gabby cared enough to go out of her way to talk.

"My mum told me it was normal to be nervous but not to go through with it if I ended up puking" Gabby paraphrased, it had sounded much wiser in her mother's words.

"Don't think I'm that nervous" Erin said, now adding being sick to the list of things to worry about.

"I blamed morning sickness" Gabby laughed.

"Oh yeah, sorry, how are you going?" Erin asked feeling selfish not to have commented sooner.

"I'm fine, just impatient" Gabby answered, placing a hand over her now noticeably pregnant belly.

"Yeah, nine months is a long time" She nodded. Time seemed to pass differently once the baby arrived. Shay had been around for twice that long but it hardly felt like it.

"As soon as I'm able to eat normally again I'll be happy" Gabby said,

"Shouldn't be long" Erin said though she knew it was likely an infuriating comment, every pregnancy was different.

"Yeah, I'm over the morning sickness most days but I don't like the same foods anymore, it's frustrating. Anyway, it's your big day not mine" Gabby reminded, eager to get back on topic.

"True" Erin agreed, not knowing what else to say.

"You helped me out at the last minute so I was wondering if there was anything I could do for you to return the favour" Gabby said, finally remembering her actual reason for stopping by.

"Umm…" Erin said as she stopped to think. "Would you be able to look after Shay during the ceremony, Hank said he would but he's got to give me away first."

"Sure, absolutely" Gabby said excitedly.

"And promise to keep an eye on her while we're away" Erin added as an afterthought.

"I was going to anyway, godmother duties" Gabby assured.

"That's all I can think of" Erin smiled.

"Alright, well I'll see you there" Gabby said, feeling it would be intruding if she stayed any longer.

"In four hours" Erin blurted. Gabby laughed in response.

"Just some advice, try not to smile for the next four hours, your face will be sore before the photographer even gets started" Gabby advised as she stopped at the bottom of the front stairs.

"Didn't think of that, thanks" Erin said, trying to keep her face neutral. Gabby gave a thumbs up before heading out to her car. Erin headed back into the kitchen, Hank was reading the morning newspaper.

"Everything okay?" He asked, sounding concerned, as soon as he looked up.

"Fine" She replied a little confused. "Oh, I just don't want to strain my smiling muscles" She explained, he couldn't help but laugh. After finishing her breakfast, barely warm egg and soggy toast, she headed upstairs and rang Kelly. She needed to make sure he was awake and that Shay was behaving.

"Hello?" Matt Casey asked when he answered Kelly's phone.

"Hi, just wanted to check that everything is okay" Erin explained.

"Yeah everything is fine, I've got it sorted" Matt said confidently.

"Is Shay alright?" Erin questioned, not wanting to end the conversation until she had all the information she wanted.

"Yeah, she's fine. That's her playing xylophone in the background" He answered. She had been wondering what the dreadful sound was but assumed it was some sort of pre-wedding soundtrack someone had made.

"Alright then, thanks" She replied before hanging up. Confident things were still on schedule she grabbed her towel and walked across the hall to the bathroom. Hank had made sure to let her know that he had already showered, it meant she could stay in as long as she liked. She tried to let the scalding water wash away all the negative thoughts.

* * *

"Are we supposed to be doing something?" Kelly asked, laying back on the couch after putting another movie in the DVD player.

"Nah, it only takes twenty minutes to get dressed, add ten for Shay and it's still only half an hour. Plenty of time for movies" Matt answered.

"Wonder what Erin's doing then" Kelly thought out loud.

"Oh, it'll take her hours to get ready" Matt corrected, not expecting the semi-playful punch he received.

"She's gorgeous, it won't take hours" Kelly defended, trying not to be too offended.

"Not what I meant, I'm just saying the more women you put in a room the longer it takes to get anything done" Matt informed.

"We can always take Shay out to the park" Jay suggested from the floor, he was halfway through an alphabet puzzle with her. She'd worked out that the game lasted longer if she took apart the pieces he put together.

"That's a good idea" Kelly agreed, Matt might be relaxed about everything but he certainly wasn't. Getting rid of some of his nervous energy at the park sounded like a great idea. Halfway through the movie, when it started to get boring, Kelly found a soccer ball and ventured to the park with Shay and Jay.

* * *

Erin had resorted to scrolling through the thousands of photos on her phone, eventually she dozed off out of boredom. The doorbell woke her and she rushed to answer it, Hank had already let Katie, Nadia and Leah in. Erin wondered what on earth they could need that would require that many bags. She greeted them and ushered them up to her bedroom. After teasing her about the posters that still hung on the walls they set about unpacking and getting ready. Feeling so much older than her two bridesmaids Erin lounged on the bed while they exchanged gossip. She had never really expected Katie and Nadia to get along so well, they were fast becoming best friends. Leah had offered up her hairdressing services and started with Nadia. Time flew and soon it was Erin's turn, Leah worked wonders, twisting and pinning until Erin's hair looked just as it had at the practice session. The messy bun style was anything but messy, each strand of hair placed exactly where Leah wanted it and secured with sparkling hair pins. All three contributed to her make-up, achieving the light and natural look she desired in no time. Nadia and Katie rushed to get into their dresses while Erin thanked Leah and walked her out. Putting on the dress was the last thing Erin wanted to do before leaving so she headed downstairs to check on Hank, looking sharp in his dress uniform.

"Five minutes" He instructed, he had just received a text message to let him know Kelly was had arrived at the venue.

"That's it?" She questioned, surprised at how quickly time had passed.

"Yeah" Hank confirmed, watching as she raced out of the room to get into the dress. Katie and Nadia buttoned it up and stepped back to assess their work. Erin truly looked stunning, hair up and out of the way to show off the delicate lace that contrasted perfectly with her lightly tanned skin. The irregular edge of the lace sitting perfectly around her neck and wrists. Nadia and Katie were happy, after a quick look in the mirror Erin was too. They headed downstairs together, Hank complimented them all. The elegant dark cherry red bridesmaids dressed made Erin's dress appear even whiter. Katie and Nadia left, still needing to pick up the flowers on the way.

"We're going to be late" Erin commented checking her phone before handing it over for him to store in a pocket. If she hadn't been wearing a dress with sentimental value she would have requested one with pockets, that way she wouldn't have to rely on everyone else to carry her things.

"No good wedding runs on time" Hank reminded. She was ready now, waiting for him to make the first move to the car.

"Are we going?" She asked when he still hadn't budged a minute later.

"I just want to give you one last chance to think about it. It's not too late to change your mind, I'll talk to them and sort everything out" He explained, watching her reaction carefully.

"It is too late though, he already has my heart, we should have done this a year ago" She answered, unable to do so without a small smile.

"A year ago you didn't want to get married" He reminded, playing the devil's advocate was important.

"Well now I do, right now. So can we please go?" She requested, almost getting to the point where she left without him.

"Of course" Hank smiled, he didn't feel like he'd fulfilled his father and mentor role until he'd given her the opportunity to turn back and watched her fight for what she wanted. He started to move grabbing his keys automatically before switching them for Kelly's. Hank opened the car door for her and helped her into the blue 1968 Ford Mustang Kelly treasured. It took a little while for Hank to adjust to driving the car. They were about halfway between Voight's house and the botanic gardens when the first warning light blinked on. Not wanting to worry Erin for something minor Hank continued to drive, a second and third light followed and soon there were none left unlit. The engine started to cut out and he could no longer ignore the issue, managing to pull over just as it died completely.

"Are you kidding me?" She asked, wondering if this was some elaborate plan to stop her getting married. It seemed he was making an effort to prevent it.

"No, It's probably something stupid, stay here while I check" Hank instructed. Erin didn't have any way to tell the time but with each passing second she was getting later and later.

* * *

Kelly stood waiting, their guests had all arrived and taken seats. He didn't want to make his way to the front until he knew she had arrived. Katie and Nadia brought the flowers, waiting patiently at the entrance for the bride. Matt was sent to talk to them, confirming that Erin was definitely on her way. Kelly left Shay with Katie and made his way to up the aisle, stopping to greet guests as he went. By the time he took his place Erin was officially late. Kelsie stepped in from the sidelines to have a quick word with him, assuring him Erin had put too much into the day to miss it. No matter what everyone was saying Kelly was still starting to doubt himself. In the extraordinary way minds escalate problems he managed to convince himself that he had forced her into getting married. When they had first met he had known she wasn't that kind of girl, but he had thought he'd be able to change her. When she accepted his pathetic proposal he thought everything would magically change, and he'd been right. Erin had thrown herself into wedding planning, the extra time apart strained and then strengthened their relationship. Then there was the issue of the visits to the doctor, maybe she was running late because she was sick. Either way it took a good talking to from Jay and Matt to stop him giving up so soon.

* * *

Meanwhile Erin had given up waiting and had joined Hank in looking thoughtfully at the engine. She really didn't know too much about the mechanics, just that it appeared to have all the right parts. Five minutes of fiddling provided nothing so Hank gave in and called a taxi. Erin was too worried about Kelly to be particularly concerned about arriving to her wedding in a taxi. What if he called off the wedding before she got there because he thought she wasn't coming? These thoughts occupied her attention until a bright orange taxi pulled up. Hank locked Kelly's car then politely carjacked the taxi, forcing the driver into the backseat with Erin. This way he was able to make up for lost time by speeding and disobeying traffic laws. Pulling up in the botanic gardens Erin didn't wait for the door to be opened, instead she got out, straightened her dress and approached the entrance. Quickly explaining the situation she greeted Shay and Katie while Nadia signalled Matt. As soon as Hank finished paying for the use of the taxi, with a generous tip to make up for his actions, the music was cued. Erin didn't have time to be nervous before she knew it the bouquet was in her hands and Hank had pulled her veil down.

"You got this kid" He whispered as Shay led the way, in her tiny dress, the top half plain white with a red and navy print of heart-shaped spots for the skirt. Accessorised with white tights, red sparkly shoes and navy ribbons in her hair. Katie and Nadia followed closely behind, walking calmly and confidently down the aisle. Gabby collected Shay at the front and stood her on the chair to watch as Hank half dragged Erin into the building. Erin was tripping over her own feet, wanting to stop everything, take a five minute break to compose herself then start again. But this was it, her one and only chance so she pulled herself together. It wasn't until the halfway point that she even bothered to look at Kelly. Once he had used his final decision to select the groomsmen's clothes it hadn't taken him long to decide the best option were their formal uniforms. Navy suits with crisp white shirts and gloves. Jay looked a little out of place with his blue shirt but Kelly didn't mind. With Shay around Erin had become familiar with Disney princess movies, none of the princes looked anywhere near as good as Kelly. He had been watching her intently the whole time. There was no exaggeration in saying that seeing her for the first time, utterly beautiful in the magnificent dress she had refused to even describe, took his breath away. Once he started looking he couldn't tear his eyes away, trying to read her through the delicate, lace trimmed veil. When she finally looked up, he let out the breath he had been holding and smiled.

Hank stopped to whisper something to Erin before folding back her veil and shaking Kelly's hand. Traditional obligations met he went to join Gabby and Shay in the front row. Kelly offered his hand and Erin accepted, letting him help her up the step then position her correctly in front of the celebrant. She turned to hand her bouquet to Katie then stopped, enjoying a silent moment before the celebrant started to talk. She was too busy staring into Kelly's eyes to hear the first part of the ceremony, only paying attention when they were asked to share their vows. Matt pulled the rings from his hat, they had been stuffed through a hole in the lining and were a little tricky to remove. Kelly and Erin broke eye contact as they accepted the rings. They had debated the order endlessly, eventually Erin cashing in a final decision to go first. Now she regretted it as she cleared her throat and started to speak. Fidgeting with the ring as she did so.

"I, Erin Lindsay, take you, Kelly Severide, to be my friend, my lover, the father of my children and my husband. I will always be yours no matter how much we argue. I promise to forgive you for running into burning buildings if you do the same when I go undercover. I promise to serve you (breakfast in bed) and protect you, to the best of my ability. Together we can face anything" She finished with a satisfied smile. Shay had taken the other guests laughter as an invitation to speak, asking loudly for Mama while Gabby tried to quiet her. Erin looked over and smiled then focused again.

"Do you, Kelly Severide, take Erin Lindsay to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The celebrant asked clearly.

"I do" After the mild hiccup of removing his gloves before sliding the ring onto his finger it was his turn.

"I, Kelly Severide, take you, Erin Lindsay, to be my friend, lover, mother to my children and wife. You have ignited a fire I can't put out. I will always be yours, even on the darkest days. I promise to be more careful at work and to trust your judgement. I promise to love and protect you, fear and respect you. Together we are stronger" He responded. They had both started with the same template, adding their personal touches yet coincidentally saying very similar things. As he talked Shay fought both Gabby and Hank, eventually winning out to rush over to her parents. Erin wasn't at all thrown by Shay's presence, instead she paused momentarily to pick the toddler up, place her on her hip and keep listening.

"Do you, Erin Lindsay, take Kelly Severide to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The celebrant asked in his monotonous voice, he didn't seem to mind Shay's intrusion either. Then it was done, the ring was on her finger and he could sigh with relief. The hardest part so far had been waiting for her to arrive. After some further remarks from the celebrant they were asked to kiss. Not at all nervous despite the hundreds of pairs of eyes on them they kissed, nothing too long or too short. The same electric feeling from the first time they kissed coursed through their bodies. They pulled apart both smiling widely they turned slowly to face their guests. Erin wasn't sure what all the fuss had been about. It turned out the fuss was what came next. After signing the official documentation they walked back down the aisle together, hand in hand, Shay still being carried by her mother. Gabby was quick to find Erin and apologise.

"It was actually pretty important for her to be there" Erin smiled in response, Gabby was right, there was still a lot of smiling to be done. After greeting guests and accepting well wishes they congregated for a group photo. Then the guests were free to go home and return for the reception or wander the gardens. The photographer led them to a lookout where the city skyline formed the perfect background. Jay and Nadia stood next to Erin while Katie and Matt stood with Kelly, Shay content to stand between her parents for a few photos. As the photographer rotated through configurations of the wedding party those left waiting stood and chatted. When at last he was satisfied he had what he wanted they were free to go. Hank took care of Shay while Kelly took Erin for a walk around the gardens. They found a bench beneath an arch of climbing roses and sat to talk.

"You look incredible" He started before thinking back to the way he hadn't been sure she was coming.

"You look pretty amazing" Erin replied. "What's wrong?" She asked noticing his vacant gaze.

"I thought for a little while there that you weren't coming" He answered gently.

"Your stupid car broke down so I arrived in a taxi" She explained with a laugh, now it was funny.

"That makes sense" He sighed.

"I would have walked if I had to" She stated, he had no doubt she meant it.

"Feel any different yet?" He asked, rubbing circles on her palm with his thumb.

"Not really, I have a husband" She realised, the word seemed foreign on her tongue.

"I have a wife" He replied, equally amazed by the power of the word. Pulling her onto his lap he stroked her cheek lightly until she bent forward and kissed him. They didn't need words again for a while.

"My husband and I should probably get back" Erin said pulling him up as she stood. She had been telling the time by the level of light so felt disadvantaged when he pulled his phone from his pocket.

"We should" He agreed after checking the time.

"I love you" She said, stopping suddenly to look at him again.

"I love you too" He replied, kissing her swiftly. The reception was everything they expected it to be, just like the engagement party it was a gathering of close friends and family members. Erin forced Kelly into a conversation with his father while she found Shay. They ate, drank and danced just as expected. Though Erin made it very clear she wouldn't be dancing again anytime soon. As the evening continued Erin became less interested in celebrating the wedding and more concerned about leaving Shay for an entire week. Kelly picked up on the shift and declared it time for cake. It had turned out exactly how they wanted, or at least how he wanted. He used this third final decision to decorate the cake with a fireman climbing a ladder up one side. In response Erin had a representation of herself made, wedding dress, gun, badge and all. After cake and ice cream they no longer felt compelled to leave their seats. Shay had fallen asleep on her father, sticky ice cream hands gripping his suit. Katie and Nadia came over to request Erin throw the bouquet, apparently they had been betting with Jay and the rescue squad about who would catch it. Everyone was taken by surprise when the red, navy and white floral arrangement landed in Trudy Platt's hands. Erin told Kelly about it then leaned against his shoulder, trying not to fall asleep, she was so tired but she didn't want the day to end. Some people had already given in and left but the rest were waiting for Erin and Kelly. As their travel agent extraordinaire, one successful weekend trip to the beach his official transcript, Kelly dictated when they left. They took Shay to Hank's house and took their time to say goodbye over coffee. Then they returned home. Kelly insisted on carrying her into the house before they showered quickly and got changed into the clothes they had laid out to wear on the plane. Erin had been packed for days but didn't criticise when Kelly was still shoving things in his bag at the last minute. Then they packed themselves into the car, after double checking everything. They stopped by Voight's on the way to the airport to hand over Shay's favourite book of bedtime stories, really Erin just needed to give her one more kiss. Not that Shay had any clue as she continued to sleep. The airport was dull but they boarded the plane, hand in hand, ready to face the future together.

**The wedding was never going to be traditional and I've never actually been to a wedding…That's why it took so long to upload (lots of research). I hope this was believable. It took me an hour just to write their vows…Hope you liked them :DI feel like I've forgotten something...  
**


	51. Chapter 51

**Sorry for the delay in updating, the site was down when I tried to post it last night. Today's chapter will be up in a few hours. **

Kelly shook Erin awake then led her through the airport as they rushed to collect their bags and check them for their connecting flight. He had managed to save a few hundred dollars and a three hour stopover by booking with two airlines. Erin wouldn't have minded the extra time, it was as if all of the exhaustion she had put on hold was suddenly catching up with her. It certainly wasn't how she wanted their honeymoon to start. The second flight was much more comfortable, they were in the first row after the bulkhead so they had extra leg room. And the unoccupied seats behind them meant they didn't need to feel guilty for laying their chairs all the way back. Kelly had spent the entire first flight watching her, they had started out snuggled together, whispering whatever thoughts entered their minds. Then she had fallen asleep and he let his mind wander. Genuinely feeling that he could look at her face for eternity and still not understand the complex being behind it. Now she was his wife he was going to do his best to get to know her better. He wanted to know the details about past she hadn't shared with anyone and the dreams she held for the future, their future. He fell asleep after midnight, not wanting their magical day to be wasted in slumber. A few hours later the cabin crew turned the lights on and announced breakfast, waking them both.

"Good morning" He whispered, taking the chance to kiss her.

"Good morning" She replied letting a smile spread across her face.

"Did you sleep alright?" He asked, the creases from the blanket on her cheek indicated she had slept heavily at least.

"Yeah, I don't really remember changing planes" She admitted.

"You were pretty much sleepwalking" He laughed.

"I'm pretty sure I just followed your shirt, which if you've forgotten, is hideous" Erin said looking down at the bright green Hawaiian shirt he insisted on wearing.

"One more plane trip and you can take it off" He whispered suggestively.

"And burn it?" She questioned.

"It's not that bad" He said, feigning hurt.

"You're right, it's worse" She smiled, he shook his head. They turned their attention to the flight attendant and gladly accepted their breakfast. Four hours later Erin was regretting how eager she had been to eat everything. Their plane had landed, leaving them an hour to collect their luggage and make their way to the much smaller local airport where the plane that would take them to the island resided. The smaller airport had a selection of much smaller planes, Erin felt bad about packing so much when she realised how tiny their third and final plane was. It also happened that light aircraft struggle in the moderate winds they faced shortly after take-off. The plane was bouncing around so badly she was getting greener by the second.

"Here" Kelly said, unfolding a sick bag he had taken from the seat pocket on their first flight.

"How much longer?" She questioned, she could only contain the nausea for so long.

"An hour at least" He said, rubbing her shoulder sympathetically.

"Great" She groaned, sitting back against the seat she looked up and closed her eyes trying to talk her stomach into keeping breakfast.

"Try to get some more sleep" He suggested, pulling her to his side so she could rest her head on his shoulder. The infuriating thing was that she managed to hold herself together the entire flight. It was when she stepped onto solid ground, the absence of jolting and shuddering confusing her brain, that she finally lost her breakfast. Sitting on the tarmac with Kelly rubbing her back as she vomited was definitely not the right way to start their island escape. After a few minutes she decided to stop feeling sorry for herself and get up. Their pilot, a cheerful young man called Bronson, was very apologetic for the rough flight and helped Kelly carry their bags up to the main road. There was only one taxi on the island so after finding out there would be a forty minute delay they decided to walk. The resort was visible from the airstrip and didn't take more than ten minutes to get there. Kelly dragging both suitcases despite her arguments. It was nice to stretch their legs after so much time cramped aboard planes. The resort was beautiful, built entirely of sandstone with bright green grass, tropical gardens and a massive swimming pool surrounding it. Neither of them understood the point of having a swimming pool when the ocean was so close, dazzlingly clear blue water and the whitest sand they had ever seen. The suite looked even better in person and the view was breathtaking, endless ocean to the right and barely touched rainforest to the left.

"This is incredible" Erin commented, pulling the curtains as far open as possible.

"Beautiful" He agreed softly, she tilted her head and gave him a questioning look when she realised he was looking at her.

"What now?" She asked, looking from the ocean, to her husband and then to the bed.

"Lunch?" Kelly questioned.

"I don't think I'll be eating for a few hours, you can though" She answered.

"Still feeling sick?" He asked, checking her temperature with the back of his hand.

"A little" She nodded hesitantly, she didn't want to seem pathetic, especially when the flight hadn't had any effect on him.

"I'm sorry" He said, hugging her tightly for a moment.

"I'll just lie down for a bit, you go find some food. Then we can go to the beach" Erin resolved. He kissed her cheek then retrieved her toothbrush from her bag, zipping it closed quickly when she returned with a cold bottle of water from the fridge. "Thank you" She said as she took the toothbrush and headed into the massive bathroom, it was the same size as their bedroom back home. Once she was settled on the bed he left. The moment he stepped out the door she was on her feet again, fishing her phone out of her handbag to call and check on Shay. Erin had been dying to make the phone call since the moment they had landed, well maybe a few minutes later, when the vomiting had ceased. She didn't want Kelly to think she wasn't enjoying being on holiday and definitely didn't want to admit that missing Shay accounted for at least half of the dreadful way she was feeling.

Reassured that everything back home was fine she curled up on the bed and fell asleep. Kelly returned, carrying a large paper bag containing the things he had bought at the local shop. Seeing Erin sleeping peacefully he shut the bedroom door and worked out how to operate the television. When Erin woke they headed straight down to the beach, it was late afternoon so after walking the entire length of the island as the sun set they headed straight to the restaurant. They felt a little underdressed in their travel clothes, jeans rolled up to their knees and still a little damp from running amongst the waves, but the staff didn't mind. They talked quietly for a little while, Erin turning away to avoid Kelly noticing her yawn.

"Let's go back" He said squeezing her hand a little as he pulled her up from the chair. Snaking his arm around her waist they walked slowly back to the suite.

"I'm going to have a quick shower" She said against his neck when he pulled her close the moment they were through the door.

"Okay, very quick" He agreed, kissing her hungrily as motivation.

"I promise" Erin nodded, heading into the room to grab a few things from her suitcase first. When she first unzipped it she assumed Kelly had run out of space and added some things to her bag. Digging down all she found were towels, almost all the towels they owned and some uninflated pool toys. "Kelly" She called.

"What?" He asked as he rushed into the room.

"Where are all my clothes?" She demanded, throwing a towel at him.

"Ah…well you see I don't think you need any. It is our honeymoon after all" He answered, adding a small smile and a wink at the end.

"So you unpacked all my clothes?" She questioned, reserving judgement until she knew the extent of his interference.

"Yep, I put a few things in my bag for you though" He said, unzipping his own bag to show her. He produced two bikinis and an assortment of lacy undergarments.

"How thoughtful" She said sarcastically, waiting for him to reveal the rest of her clothes.

"I'm serious though" He said, straight faced. She didn't want to but she was starting to believe he hadn't actually packed anything else for her.

"But what am I supposed to wear?" She whinged.

"Those are my favourite" He answered triumphantly pointing to the red set. At that Erin got up and walked to the bathroom, slamming the door as hard as she dared. He waited for a few minutes before realising she was no longer going to be having a quick shower. Settling in front of the television he found a hockey game to watch, so absorbed that he didn't even hear the shower turn off. Erin dried herself then moved into the bedroom to assess her options, once she'd decided she headed to the doorway, leaning seductively against the doorframe. The hockey was intense by Kelly immediately noticed her presence, anger still flickering in her eyes. That wasn't what caught his attention though. Her decision had been not to give in to his silly games, instead she stood there completely naked. "Erin?" He croaked, sliding forward to the edge of his seat.

"You have a lot of apologising to do" She replied, stepping backwards into the darkness.

"Better get started then" He answered turning off the television as he went. "I'm sorry" He said as he reached the bedroom doorway, she was sitting on the edge of the bed, a dangerous smile on her face.

"Prove it" She said hoarsely laying back across the bed. He crossed the room, taking off his jeans as he went. He stood before her for a moment then flopped down beside her.

"I'm really sorry, I wasn't thinking and I won't do it again" He apologised sincerely gripping her hand and looking her straight in the eye.

"Not exactly what I meant" She laughed, rolling onto her side so she was leaning over him.

"Oh, right, I can do that too" He assured as he pulled her onto his chest, kissing her gently. "I'm sorry" He uttered when they stopped for air. Kelly continued to apologise after every kiss, taking a break from her mouth after a few moments so she could catch her breath. That was hardly likely as he continued to attack her neck, soft, appreciative sighs leaving her lips. He rolled her onto her back so he could carry on down her body, apologising intermittently. Starting at her knee he worked his way up the inside of her leg, she couldn't bear it any longer. Grabbing his shirt she pulled him forward until his face was right in front of her own. "I'm very sorry" He breathed before kissing her softly.

"Good" She smiled, kissing him roughly. Teeth grazing his bottom lip as she used one leg to press their bodies together. Her hands worked lower down his back, clutching at the hem of his shirt. He lifted himself off her slightly as she drew the fabric up, then leaned against her as she pulled the shirt over his head and down his arms. He was crushing her but she smiled anyway, he was so close she could feel their racing heartbeats competing. Resting on his elbows again she moved beneath him, sliding her hands down his back and below the waistband of his boxers. She groans at the lack of pressure when he climbs off her and removes the last of his clothing.

"Will you forgive me?" He asked, standing before her as naked as she had been for him.

"We'll see" She mused as he moved back onto the bed. He ran one hand down her thigh, positioning her body perfectly beneath his. Then he leaned down and kissed her as he plunged into her with such force that she swore. She had been close already but his movements brought her right to the edge.

"Do you forgive me?" He questioned, he'd been waiting for this moment. His blue eyes scanned her face, her eyes shut tightly, bottom lip caught between her teeth, and knew she was almost there. So he stopped. Her eyes flew open, she groaned in frustration then nodded furiously. "Say it, say that you forgive me" He instructed, incapable of staying still any longer.

"I…I…I…" She stuttered "I for…I forgive" She continued, struggling to breathe let alone speak. He slowed himself, not wanting to give in. "Don't stop" She ordered, wrapping her legs around him to trap him in place as she processed the request.

"Say it" He demanded impatiently.

"I forgive you" She answered loudly and he finally let her go, crying out in pleasure she fought for a second, locking her eyes with his. Then she was arching into him, clutching at the sheets and his back simultaneously. With a grunt he followed her over the edge, making sure to kiss her the moment he regained voluntary movement.

"I love you" Kelly said as he drew away from her, resting on one elbow alongside her.

"I love you too" She answered immediately "more than anything else in the world."

"More than chocolate?" He questioned, mindlessly tracing the curve of her breast with a finger.

"Absolutely" She guaranteed, turning her head to kiss him. He continued to list things she might love more, each time she answered then gave him a kiss, there was no greater way to express her certainty.

"What about Shay?" He challenged when he had run out of other options, she had been drifting off but this caught her attention and forced her awake.

"Okay, I lied. I love Shay more than anything in the world. But you're a close second" Erin admitted thoughtfully.

"I wouldn't want it any other way" He assured, kissing her forehead lightly as he pulled the sheets up over her, holding her as she fell asleep.

* * *

"So, Mrs Severide, what are we doing today?" Kelly questioned over breakfast. He had woken her up by handing her his Hawaiian shirt, requesting she put it on before breakfast was delivered.

"You know I'm not changing my name" Erin reminded firmly.

"Just for this week?" He requested.

"If you have to" She surrendered.

"I do" He laughed. They ended up heading to the beach. Erin quickly got over any hesitation when it came to wearing so little, the way Kelly looked at her was enough to quash any self-consciousness she felt. A complex display of his sand construction skills left them with a hot tub sized pool, designed specifically for them to lounge in. After a quick lunch of tropical fruits they swam out to the reef and snorkelled all afternoon. The next day they didn't feel the need to leave their room at all, food, sleep and each other all they desired. They felt as if they had missed an opportunity when it rained nonstop for two days. But they managed to occupy themselves in other ways. When it was finally clear again the following day they walked up the beach and made their own trail into the rainforest, they didn't need a map, it would be impossible to get lost on such a small island. After walking for a few hours they discovered a waterfall, it seemed completely untouched by humans.

"I think I need to make an apology" Kelly said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively as she pulled one of his shirts off and entered the water.

"Not out here" She shook her head, "and you don't have anything to apologise for."

"Please" He asked, tugging at the ties of her bikini.

"No" She insisted, kissing him quickly before climbing the slippery rocks to see if she could get high enough to see the ocean. He trailed her and they found a ledge, spray from the waterfall distorting the view of the uninterrupted horizon. They stayed until the sun started to set then made their way back, not wanting to get lost in the rainforest at night time. Realising they were completely disoriented they walked until they reached the beach and followed it around until they eventually reached the resort.

"I have something for you" He said as she looked amongst his shirts for one to wear to dinner. She really hoped the staff hadn't noticed her wearing the same pair of jeans morning, noon and night.

"Really? What?" She asked eagerly.

"This" He answered, sliding the wardrobe open to remove her favourite green dress, miraculously uncreased on the hanger.

"How did you…?" She started to question then changed her mind, accepting the dress before disappearing into the bathroom. He would never have given it to her if he knew it would quadruple the time it took her to get ready. Using the extra time to change into equivalently formal attire he was still left waiting. It was well worth it in the end.

"I married the most beautiful woman in the world" He realised aloud as she stepped out of the bathroom. Then he recognised the same hockey teams that had been playing on the first night were versing each other again. Forgetting the Blackhawks entirely, these were his favourites from now on.

"I married a fireman" She replied with the same sentiment, stealing the remote to turn off the television. They went to dinner, remaining in contact the entire time, her foot on his leg then hand in hand while waiting for dessert. Feeling guilty for eating excessively yet again she requested they walk along the beach before bed.

"We should go back to the waterfall tomorrow" He suggested, looking out across the moon dappled waves.

"Hmm…maybe" She agreed

"It would be memorable" He encouraged.

"No, anyone could see"

"Please" He pleaded.

"Definitely not. I'm your wife, which means it's my job to say no" She concluded. In retaliation he gave her a shove, she was mid step and caught off guard toppling to the sand. A wave washed up, soaking her as he apologised and pulled her back to her feet. She laughed but asked to return to the room. He made up for the missed opportunity at the waterfall later that night. Turning the shower on as they lay in the bath to ensure realism as he had his way with her. Erin had to fumble for the plug rather urgently to prevent the bath overflowing. It was certainly memorable.

* * *

"Sun, surf, sand and sex" She concluded on their final night.

"I could definitely live like this" He said confidently.

"I don't think that's an option, we have Shay to think about" She said, only just remembering to check her phone for messages. After the first day she stopped calling every couple of hours, in fact by midweek she was lucky to remember to call at all.

"True" He realised disappointedly.

"It would only get more complicated if we had another" She added carefully.

"Complicated isn't bad" He defended quickly, she laughed a little.

"If we did have another would you want a girl or a boy?" She questioned, it was purely hypothetical.

"Doesn't matter to me, Shay's going to be an amazing sister either way" He answered assuredly.

"I miss her" Erin said sadly.

"Me too, but we'll get to see her soon" Kelly replied, trying to cheer her up. After spending the next day in transit they would get home very early in the morning, reluctant but ready to get back into ordinary life.

"Oh god" She groaned clearly having just remembered something.

"What?" He questioned.

"We have to go on that bloody plane again" She complained, just the thought of it made her feel green.

"No, I switched for tickets on the ferry, it takes longer so we won't have as long to wait at the airport" He explained, it had only taken five minutes of negotiation and was worth it for her comfort.

"Thank you" She said before showering him with kisses to show her appreciation. It turned out that there was nothing to be thankful for. Her motion sickness was considerably worse on the lurching waves.

**That was a fun chapter to write, I hope you enjoyed reading it :D **


	52. Chapter 52

"Do you think she'll have grown much?" Erin asked quietly as the plane started its descent. She had been looking forward to arriving back in Chicago all day but now she was feeling guilty for leaving in the first place.

"No, it's only been a week" Kelly comforted, rubbing her leg gently.

"But it was a long week" She worried.

"Not long enough" He answered, looking away from the movie to give her a reassuring smile.

"She's probably forgotten us" Erin catastrophized.

"You talked to her two days ago, she hasn't forgotten you" He laughed, wondering why she was so worried.

"Okay" She accepted looking out at the bright city lights. The island had been incredible but deep down she thought the city was prettier, at least from high above where the horrible things people did to each other weren't so obvious. It didn't matter that the crime rate was so high, it kept her in a job, and it was home. Anxiety grew in her chest as the plane touched down. Despite the fact it was one in the morning Hank had guaranteed he would be at the airport to greet them. Erin grinned when Kelly stopped to help an elderly lady get her bag from the overhead locker, again feeling certain she had married the right man. They spotted Hank straight away, looking slightly odd with Shay in a pink fleece sleeping bag, in his arms.

"Hey" Erin greeted taking Shay straight away, the sleeping toddler didn't even stir.

"Hey, you're looking great. Did you have fun?" Hank replied before giving Kelly a nod of approval.

"Yeah, it was great" Erin answered, smiling as she made eye contact with Kelly. They discussed the island as they made their way through the airport to collect their luggage. Hank explained that while he did expect to see Erin at work, he wouldn't mind if she arrived late. Kelly returned with their suitcases, slightly out of breath. "You sure you're fit enough for work?" She asked him.

"Yeah. Someone tried to take your bag, his was the same but he didn't bother to check the tag" He enlightened as they followed Hank to the parking complex.

"Oh, well in that case, thank you. Those clothes are so important to me" She laughed. There wasn't really much to talk about on the drive home. Hank left them standing at the end of the driveway, eager to get home to his own bed. Erin managed Shay and the front door while Kelly took their bags straight to the laundry, unpacking their toiletries to take upstairs. They got ready for bed quickly and climbed in together. Erin insisted Shay spend the night in their bed, so all they could do was hold hands as they fell asleep.

* * *

"Mama!" Shay squealed as soon as she processed what she was seeing. Both Erin and Kelly jolted awake, it had only taken a week to forget the joys of early mornings.

"Hey baby" Erin replied, hugging and kissing her daughter.

"Didn't miss me did you?" Kelly asked.

"Daddy" Shay complained, moving like a caterpillar to get across the bed, her sleeping bag impeding her movement.

"Of course she did" Erin said with a sceptical look as she checked her phone. Surprised by the way they were already waking up at the same time they usually did.

"Miss 'oo" Shay nodded as she grabbed his hair, pulling until he tickled her to make her stop.

"We should get ready for work" Erin decided, stretching before tossing back the blankets.

"I had so much fun so don't take this the wrong way, but I'm really looking forward to getting back" He said as he continued to tickle Shay.

"Me too" She laughed, removing Shay before the screaming started. The three of them headed downstairs for breakfast, they worked together seamlessly and had breakfast on the table in record time. Shay ate considerably more than Erin expected, it suggested they had arrived home in time for a growth spurt. Feeling ridiculously efficient, and possibly forgetful, Erin had plenty of time to play with Shay before they had to leave.

"I can't do it" Kelly said, concern evident in his voice as he stepped into the lounge room to say goodbye.

"Yes you can" Erin assured.

"Come to the firehouse for dinner?" He asked, spending any time apart, even for work, seemed unnecessary.

"Maybe" She answered, not sure how exhausted she would be after a full day at work.

"You have to, I'll die without you" He complained, already looking miserable.

"I love you" She said, standing up to kiss him. "Now go to work."

"I love you two" He said looking from his wife to his daughter. Erin took Shay out to the front garden where they stood and waved goodbye when Matt stopped by to collect Kelly. Despite numerous hushed conversations with the mechanic over the last week his car still wasn't running, and wasn't likely to be anytime soon. Erin gathered Shay's things and locked up, knowing the hardest part was still to come. Shay started crying the moment they pulled up out the front of the Herrmann's house.

"It's just for the day" Erin tried to comfort as Shay fought to keep her seat belt on.

"Mama!" Shay wailed as Erin finally got her loose.

"I'll see you tonight" She assured as they headed up the front path. Shay was so loud that the door was already open when they reached the top of the stairs.

"Hi, how was it?" Cindy asked excitedly.

"It was great" Erin answered, trying to get Shay to detach herself.

"She'll settle, she was really great all week" Cindy assured managing to prise Shay away.

"Thank you, for taking such good care of her" Erin said to Cindy. "Be good baby, mama love you and will be back tonight to pick you up, I promise" She added to Shay.

"Mama NO" Shay commanded.

"Have a nice day" Cindy spoke over Shay's cried, turning Shay's desperate attempts to grab her mother into something resembling a wave.

"You too" Erin replied as she turned and walked out. It was hard to leave Shay screaming but staying longer would only make it worse. She used the drive to work to pack away all her wedding and honeymoon memories, trading them for long term cases and a list CI's to catch up with.

"What a tan" Platt commented the moment Erin reached the top of the front stairs.

"It's nice to be back" She replied, continuing on up to intelligence. It took her a moment longer than she would have liked to enter her code. It was going to take a few days to shift back into work mode.

"Lindsay's back!" Antonio called and the rest of the unit rushed out to greet her. Voight ordered them back to work after a few minutes.

"It's nice to know you missed me though" She smiled settling in behind her desk, preparing herself for the insane number of unanswered emails she was about to face.

"I let Halstead drive" Antonio warned when he slid across on his chair.

"Great" She sighed, now she would have to contend with a grumpy partner.

"That's pretty" He commented, noticing she had changed her computer background. Just seeing the number of emails made her need to take a break, changing her background to a photo of the waterfall was the motivation she needed.

"It was amazing" She sighed.

"What was amazing?" Halstead questioned as he rounded her desk to see what they were looking at, closely followed by Ruzek.

"The island, everything was beautiful. That's a waterfall we found in the rainforest" She explained.

"Nice" Halstead nodded.

"I really hope it isn't ruined by tourists the way some of the other places have been" She said a little sadly, they hadn't been home twenty-four hours and she was already looking forward to a return trip. "What?" She questioned hesitantly looking over her shoulder at Ruzek's tilted head.

"Just picturing you having sex there" Ruzek answered honestly.

"EW!" Halstead complained.

"Well don't!" She snapped at the same time. Antonio simply pushed off and slid back to his own desk.

"Dude, she's my partner, don't be stupid" Halstead complained, punching Ruzek's arm.

"It was their honeymoon" The younger man justified. Lindsay and Halstead shared a look, both silently agreeing to let it go. She wondered how she had missed this.

* * *

Dinner at the firehouse was great up until the point Shay climbed onto the table and shared the new word she had learned. "Fuck!" She yelled, incredibly innocently. Erin's look of horror matched Kelly's and the whole room fell silent. Not knowing what to do and but not wanting to make a fuss Erin signalled for everyone to continue their conversations.

"Shay" Erin scolded as she lifted her off the table.

"Mama" Shay replied with a grin. Erin quickly said goodbye to everyone, a little embarrassed but angry at the same time. It wasn't a word Shay would have heard around, someone had said it to her, more than once. As a detective it was her role to find out who.

"What was that?" Kelly questioned as he followed them out to the car.

"No idea" She sighed.

"We'll sort it out, you just take her home and get her to bed. I'll see you in morning" He said, giving her a goodnight kiss before being gentlemanly and opening the car door for her.

"I don't know what to do if she says it again" She complained through the open window.

"Just ignore it" He advised stepping back to watch them drive away. The moment Shay was asleep Erin got to work, she hated having to ask Hank but he was a suspect who needed to be ruled out. He was as surprised as she was by the new addition to Shay's vocabulary. The only other person on the list of suspects was Jay, it was hardly likely that Cindy, Gabby, Katie or Nadia were responsible. She had hoped it wasn't him, not after he'd dealt with Ruzek's stupidity so gallantly.

"What's going on?" Jay questioned instead of answering the phone with a greeting the way people normally did.

"I need to talk to you about Shay" She started, hoping he would come straight out and admit it.

"Is everything alright?" He asked. She wished they were speaking in person so she could read his body language.

"She said something tonight, a new word, and I'm not sure where she learned it" Erin explained.

"Oh god! Erin I'm so sorry! I was looking after her while watching the hockey, we were losing really badly, I completely forgot about her being there. I told her not to say it but that might have just made it worse. I'm really sorry" He apologised sounding rather upset.

"Well…I don't know…just don't do it again" She said after taking a moment to think, the damage had already been done.

"What can I do to make up for it?" He asked.

"Nothing, its fine" She replied, the last thing she needed was her baby daughter cursing like a sailor.

"Please?" He asked

"It's totally fine" She sighed.

"How about Thursday, I'll watch her for your date night" Jay suggested hopefully.

"Alright" Erin agreed, he would only keep persisting until she agreed to something. "But no hockey" she added.

"Never again" He assured. Now that the mystery had been solved she could get to sleep.

* * *

As the weeks passed by Erin kept expecting to wake up and feel the bliss of being newlyweds had worn off. They hadn't wanted being married to change anything but it definitely had. Date night was a weekly occurrence - Jay making an effort to expand Shay's vocabulary more productively as penance - and they were spending all their free time together as a family. It was exactly what Erin had wanted but now, sitting in the doctor's waiting room, she wasn't sure she'd made the right decision.

**Oooh….decision?! **


	53. Chapter 53

Thrilled and terrified. It had been 43 days since Erin had felt that exact combination of emotions. Last time she had been walking down the aisle, now she was simply walking down the ramp of the medical clinic. The only major difference was the bandaid on her elbow. She got in her car and drove back to work, trying to compartmentalize as she went. With a deep breath and a sigh she settled behind her desk.

"Lindsay, my office, now" Voight barked as he rushed across the room.

"Uh-oh, what did you do?" Halstead asked as she put down her pen.

"I have no idea" Lindsay muttered as she got up and headed for Voight's office, making sure to shut the door before sitting down. "What's going on?" She asked when he continued to read the file in his hands.

"We might have a new case, a big one" He informed, looking up a moment later.

"How big?" She questioned, siting up straight in preparation.

"Undercover for a month big" He answered confidently.

"A month?" She asked, so shocked she stood up. How could he even consider her for that kind of thing?

"Just during the days, we'll cover your tracks and figure it out so you can still be home every night and for weekends" Voight explained, wondering why she was taking it so badly.

"But…" She started, pacing back and forth in front of his desk.

"It's a great opportunity to get on top of all the robberies that have been happening recently, you just work as an administrative assistant at a pawn shop we know to be dealing stolen goods" He added, trying to convince her that there was the potential for considerable gains.

"I can't" Lindsay answered, finally calm enough to sit down again.

"It's an office job, you won't be in harm's way" He reiterated.

"I can't risk it" She concluded after considering it for all of five seconds, it was so far from being a good idea that she didn't even need to consider it.

"I know you're married now and that you've been working hard to put family first but we need you on this one" He said, it was his last opportunity to get her to agree without making it an order.

"It's not that" She replied, shaking her head. The timing couldn't be any worse.

"Then what?" He demanded, watching her carefully. It was tempting for her to lie, or refuse without justification but the longer she thought about it the more important it became to tell the truth.

"I might be pregnant, I was at the doctor not meeting a friend for lunch" She confessed, taking an hour long lunchbreak was so unusual for her that she felt the need to clear it with him first.

"Oh?" He questioned, raising his eyebrows accordingly. "I didn't know you were…"

"Well. Yeah" She answered vaguely adding a nod at the last second.

"Okay. When will you know?" Voight asked, trying to remain calm even though it was a sudden and unexpected revelation. He was starting to feel the slightest bit of pride fluttering in his chest.

"Tomorrow" She answered trying not to let her anxiety show.

"I'll get Burgess to do it. It'll be good experience for her" He decided.

"Alright. I'm sorry" Lindsay said

"Don't be, this is what you want. Isn't it?" He asked

"Yeah, absolutely" She answered, quickly but not very genuinely.

"You don't sound very sure"

"It was my decision" She said sharply. This had been her plan, she'd spoken to doctors and worked out dates. She just hadn't expected it to work quite so well.

"But you're married" He reminded, implying that Kelly was somehow responsible. First he'd convinced a sceptic to believe in marriage and now he might be about to get his wish for another child as well.

"He doesn't even know" She corrected quickly.

"Alright" He accepted, now he just had to trust that the time he'd had to raise her was sufficient. That and the fact she was an adult who needed to make her own decisions.

"I'll get back to work" She said, getting up and leaving his office before he could say anything further. This had to top the list of their most awkward conversations.

* * *

"How was your day?" Kelly questioned the moment she walked through the front door.

"Good, how was yours?" Erin replied, hanging her coat and removing her boots.

"Awesome, I took Shay ice skating again. She loved it" He beamed, while he loved doing things as a family it was great to have a father daughter activity.

"Cool. Where is she?" Erin questioned moving through the lounge room, looking for Shay.

"She was right….oh" He said as he scanned the room and realised Shay was no longer playing with her farmyard animals.

"Shay" She called and within seconds found the cheeky toddler, her giggles giving away her hiding place.

"Shouldn't have taught her hide and seek, she doesn't seem to understand that the game ends" He said as he followed them into the kitchen.

"What do you want for dinner?" Erin asked looking to the cupboard for inspiration.

"Shay?" He asked, waiting to see if she had any ideas.

"Pizza!" Shay answered straight away. Erin couldn't help but smile, she certainly took after her father.

"Alright, but you have to brush your teeth properly" She decided after seeing the longing look on her husband's face, he wanted pizza just as badly. "And you have to help this time" She added looking at Kelly.

"I help by playing with Shay" He answered with a cheeky grin.

"Well Shay can play right here" Erin said, placing Shay on the floor before handing over her phone. The toddler deftly found her way to her favourite game and got to work sorting the coloured shapes into the right boxes. Kelly pulled open the cupboard and followed Erin's directions to the best of his ability. Apparently 'put the pineapple on that one' wasn't specific enough. "You realise you were supposed to cut those" She commented as he placed yet another pineapple ring on the pizza.

"Really? We don't normally have to cut it" He questioned, though it did look odd.

"We normally buy chunks of pineapple but somebody didn't read the label" She replied sprinkling cheese on the other pizza.

"It could have been you" He said, attempting to shift the blame.

"No, I took Shay to the bathroom" She reminded.

"Fine, I'll cut them up" He complained, reaching over for a knife.

"No, leave it, I like them. They look kind of like a flower" Erin said as she stopped his hand.

"If you say so. I like giving my wife flowers" He chuckled, putting the knife back before kissing her quickly on the cheek.

"I'm pretty sure I wanted to kill you last time you gave me flowers" She remembered.

"True. Oven?" Kelly asked as he picked up the tray.

"Yep" She nodded opening the oven door so he could slide the tray in. "Record time" She added when she looked up at the clock.

"What now?" He questioned as he set the timer.

"Now we check to see if Shay's set a new high score" She laughed turning to see the spot on the floor empty, phone discarded.

"Shay" He called. Erin joined in and they searched methodically through the kitchen and dining room. No matter how quiet they were they couldn't hear her giggling.

"Where else could she be?" She asked when they'd looked everywhere and still hadn't found her.

"Laundry?" He suggested, it was the only room they hadn't searched.

"But I always leave the door closed" She answered, moving towards it anyway.

"I might have left it open when I got my shirt this afternoon" He cringed, it was the one room they hadn't bothered to baby proof. The door was ajar, both panicked they were going to find her eating washing powder and rushed in.

"Shay" Erin half scolded as she saw her toddler sitting in the laundry basket, a fluffy black cat on her lap.

"Mama tat" Shay replied, patting the cat roughly.

"Yeah, cat" She said as she pushed the animal away and picked Shay up. "Daddy said he was going to stop it getting inside."

"Daddy tried" Kelly replied, baffled as to how the creature continued to get into their house. It would mysteriously appear at least once a week, never asking for anything, just walking around as if it owned the place.

"Well just get it out and wash your hands, dinner will be ready by now" Erin instructed, dusting cat hair off Shay before taking her to the bathroom to wash her hands thoroughly. They ate dinner in relative silence. Erin had thoughts of her own to contend with and Kelly was still trying to figure out their fury invader. "Can you run her bath so I can have a shower?" Erin requested as she packed the leftover pizza into a container. Kelly was still trying to get Shay to eat her crust instead of just sucking on it.

"Sure" He nodded. Shay refused to bathe without her crust sucking away on it right up until she dropped it and it got soggy. The she threw it across the room and demanded another. Kelly was able to substitute a teething toy of a similar shape and settled Shay to bed with it.

Erin knew something was wrong the moment she stepped out of the bathroom. He never usually sat waiting on the end of the bed looking concerned.

"What is it?" She questioned. All she wanted was to crawl in to bed and sleep but whatever he was going to say was already more important.

"Your phone rang" He answered looking up at her.

"And?" She asked.

"It was the doctors with your test results" Kelly informed. She couldn't tell if he was angry or not, he just looked hurt.

"And?" Erin repeated nervously.

"They wouldn't tell me" He concluded.

"Kelly…" She started but was cut off.

"What test?" He demanded standing up to move towards her.

"I don't want to talk about this right now" She said carefully, looking up into his stormy blue eyes. Before he could say anymore she pushed past him and got in to bed.

"Erin, please, I thought the doctor's thing was over"

"I'm sorry" She apologised, laying back and pulling the blankets up to her chin.

"I looked through your phone" He admitted softly.

"Why would you do that?" She asked, slightly offended by the way it indicated the lack of trust he felt.

"Because I'm worried about my wife, the mother of my child, who keeps going to see doctors but won't tell me why. Six calls to the doctor this week" He justified, facing her from where he sat on the edge of his side of the bed. Clearly distressed.

"I was just trying to get an appointment at late notice" She explained wondering how she could convince him without telling him the truth.

"What for?" He needed to know, punching the bed to emphasise how serious he was.

"I will tell you as soon as I know the test results" She answered.

"I wanted a marriage based on honesty" Kelly said harshly.

"Whatever happened to trust?" She questioned before rolling over. He continued to seethe, both internally and aloud, but she pretended to be sleeping. It was incredibly hard not to just tell him. She didn't want to face how crushed he would be if the test was negative. The conflict was better than getting his hopes up. Potentially for nothing.

"Katie is coming to live with us" He added right before she fell asleep.

**I only got out half of what I had planned for this chapter, and it's not my best writing – too much dialogue or something, lacking flow. But you have to read tomorrow because Erin will be finding out if she's pregnant!**


	54. Chapter 54

Erin knew it was going to be a big day the moment she opened her eyes. Sleep had been a temporary escape but now she had to face reality. Though her alarm had barely started to buzz Kelly was already gone, reality wasn't kind. It was painful to know he was annoyed, she could tell from the clattering downstairs that he was nowhere near forgiveness. A lot now hinged on a phone call. The moment she allowed herself to think about it her phone started ringing. She let out a deep sigh when she saw it was just Halstead.

"Morning" She answered, climbing out of bed.

"Good morning" He greeted cheerfully, his tone made it obvious he wanted something.

"What do you want?" She questioned, even less patient than usual. She selected an outfit and lay it on the bed.

"I'm sorry to ask but can you please give me a lift to work?" Halstead asked nicely.

"Sure" She answered before hanging up. After getting dressed she joined Kelly and Shay downstairs, his clattering had been productive and an inviting stack of pancakes sat on the table. Erin tried to start a conversation but he didn't care for small talk, he wanted answers she didn't yet have.

"Have a nice day" He muttered out of obligation as he grabbed his jacket and left. It wasn't much but it was more than she got from Shay, instantly distracted by the glitter paint Cindy had waiting. Erin couldn't help but smile, for the first fortnight after their return Shay had cried every morning. Over time she realised they weren't going to abandon her until it got to the point she didn't even fuss without a goodbye. Her adaptability was a good sign and left Erin certain they would manage if a new baby did change their family dynamic.

Completely oblivious to Erin's lack of interest, Halstead provided an embellished recount of his role in breaking up a bar fight as they made their way to work. Increasingly nervous every second she was glad for the distraction when Voight, Olinsky and Antonio led a thorough presentation of the information they had and the information they needed for their new big case. She tried to ignore the questioning looks Voight continued to throw her way. Combined with the way Burgess was sitting on the front corner of Halstead's desk the way she usually did, she couldn't help but feel she was already being replaced. Telling Voight and refusing the undercover work was in her best interests but that didn't mean she didn't already regret it. "You good for this?" Voight asked as she walked past on her way downstairs. He had assigned her and Halstead to watching Powell's back as he installed their own security cameras around the pawn shop.

"Absolutely" Lindsay assured though she couldn't lie to herself as easily. She needed to put everything out of her mind and focus. In order to do that she left her phone in her locker, that way it couldn't possibly distract her.

"Can you carry that one for me?" Powell asked gesturing to the smallest of the three crates of equipment he needed.

"Sure" She answered, watching as Halstead stacked the other two and carried them to the back of the car. At least she was still the best driver, not that she got to prove this as they made their way inconspicuously to the back of the building across the road from the pawn shop they were targeting. Powell didn't waste any time getting to work. Erin guarded the door onto the roof while Halstead lay at the edge performing preliminary surveillance and making sure the people on the street didn't notice them.

"That place is so dodgy" Halstead commented as they took the stairs down to the car and moved to the next building over. Since the operation was likely to last a while they were only saving themselves trouble by being thorough to start with. By ten o'clock they had placed a dozen security cameras and were making their way back to the district. While she tried not to make it obvious the first thing she wanted to do when they arrived was check her phone. She dawdled at her desk momentarily then decided to get it over with, if she had missed a second call she would have to call them. She picked up the phone and pressed the on button, the screen lit up to show a picture of her family. Then as she went to put it down it started ringing. Feeling like having perfect timing twice in one day was too coincidental she answered the phone.

"Hello" She answered calmly, she knew the number but didn't want to jump to conclusions.

"Erin, birthdate for results" The doctor instructed, considerably less formal the second time around.

"Eighth of July, Eighty-two" She provided without having to think.

"Your test is positive, congratulations" The doctor informed.

"Thank you" She smiled, letting all her fears evaporate for just a second as she thought about the new life they had created.

"How keen are you to see your baby?" The doctor asked.

"Um…I don't know. Why?" Erin questioned, of course she wanted to see the baby, not that there would be much to see so early.

"I can get you an ultrasound over your lunch break if your boss doesn't mind two long lunches in a row" The doctor offered. Erin had to stop and think for a moment, she'd already left Kelly out of everything, did she really want him to miss the first ultrasound as well?

"That would be great" She decided. Kelly could come to the first ultrasound when it started to actually look human, the picture might help announce it.

"It's quite early, you might get a heartbeat if you're lucky" The doctor explained making sure Erin didn't get too excited.

"Alright, I'll chat with my boss. You go ahead and organise it" She agreed trying not to let the negative thoughts back in.

"Too easy" The doctor finished. Erin put her phone in her pocket, her other hand had subconsciously come to rest over the baby. She let it drop quickly as footsteps approached.

"Lindsay, I've been meaning to talk to you" Burgess started as she got out the clothes she was wearing to the first undercover meeting, the job interview.

"Really, about what?" Erin questioned.

"Two things, firstly thank you for this opportunity and secondly I'm trying to organise baby stuff for a friend, she's a flight attendant working as much as she can early on but her boyfriends a jerk and won't do baby stuff. So basically I was wondering if you had stuff you don't need anymore" Burgess explained in her usual half nervous, half enthusiastic manner. Erin couldn't help but smile at the timing.

"I had nothing to do with you getting the job. And um…" She panicked realising she couldn't say anything about needing the baby things without giving her pregnancy away. Burgess was waiting expectantly. "I…can't help with baby things. Sorry" She finished weakly.

"Oh. I thought you have plenty of stuff from Shay" Burgess said disappointedly.

"I do…but I might need it again" She said sounding as if she was trying to convince herself as well.

"Are you pregnant?!" Burgess practically yelled, much to Erin's frustration.

"I might need it" She clarified.

"But it makes sense, with the undercover work" Burgess pressured enquiringly.

"You can't tell anybody" Erin gave in, it was as good as an admission anyway.

"Oh!…oh I won't" Burgess said, shaking her head furiously. "So nobody else knows?"

"I only just got the phone call. I've got to go talk to Voight" She explained, shutting her locker.

"This is so exciting" Burgess grinned.

"Yeah" Erin nodded less than enthusiastically as she left the room. She wanted to blame her nausea on morning sickness but it was more likely dread and guilt. She had essentially told Burgess and was about to tell Voight before her own husband had any idea. Nothing had turned out the way she had planned.

"One of the cameras has disconnected, we've got to go figure out why" Powell informed as she passed him on her way to Voight's office.

"Just give me one minute" Lindsay requested as she rapped her knuckles against the doorframe.

"Come in" Voight answered not looking up until the door clicked closed. Shutting the door always indicated as serious conversation so he put down his phone and gave her his full attention.

"I just got the results, I'm pregnant" She stated unemotively. "And I need my full lunch hour again"

"Congratulations" He said, unable to stop himself smiling at the thought of another little Shay causing trouble. "Take as long as you need" He added, assuming she was going to use the time to inform Kelly.

"Thank you" She nodded, any other boss would likely complain.

"Be careful" Voight reminded as she opened the door, Halstead and Powell waiting impatiently at the top of the stairs. She didn't feel the need to acknowledge him. Approaching the building, even with Halstead and Powell close by, she was hyper vigilant. The camera might not have been connected properly to start with or someone might have intentionally disconnected it.

"It's the one on the corner over there" Powell whispered as they stopped at the door to scan the rooftop. The massive ventilation system made it impossible to clear. Lindsay didn't trust Powell with a gun, his hands shaking just holding the weapon gave away his reluctance and inexperience. It would be safer to make him go first but it would also make him the easy target so she stepped out, looking carefully around with each movement. Powell followed closely behind with Halstead guarding his back. They reached the corner of the building, confidence that they were alone growing. Powell got to work replacing the camera, the internal wires had been purposely cut, someone didn't want them watching the alley alongside the pawn shop.

"Did you hear that?" Halstead mouthed to his partner. Lindsay shook her head, she hadn't heard a think. A second later the first gunshot sounded. Halstead reacted instantly pushing his partner behind an air conditioner unit and crouching down alongside. They didn't have time to communicate but they didn't need to. Lindsay had provided cover fire, trying to locate the person shooting at them, while Halstead stepped into the open and returned dragging Powell by the collar behind him.

"Is he alright?" Lindsay hissed.

"He's fine" Halstead nodded joining her in searching for their opponent, the needed to get off the roof. It was an extremely indefensible position.

"Sorry, I've never been shot at before" Powell explained loudly, his voice filling the silence. The familiar click of a magazine being slid into place alerted them to the position of the shooter, circling around to trap them in the corner. While it had been advantageous they both made sure Powell knew to keep his mouth shut from now on. Formulating a plan was important but with every passing second the shooter could be getting closer.

"Stay here with him" Halstead ordered finally, their hushed argument wasn't making any progress so he made an executive decision. Before Lindsay could argue he was moving away from them, towards the where the noise had come from. Keeping her gun up she followed Halstead's every move until he disappeared out of sight. A moment later there were three gunshots followed by silence. If Halstead had succeeded he would be shouting all clear by now. Pregnant or not she couldn't justify not going to her partners aid so she got Powell on his feet and led the way. She almost shot Halstead when he stepped out in front of her suddenly. Comforted to know they were together again they tried to formulate another plan. Their discussion was interrupted by the door slamming closed. Powell took it to mean they were safe while Lindsay and Halstead knew better. With increased confidence they worked methodically to clear the rows of vents. Only then did they move towards the door, confident that they were alone.

"It's locked" Powell said dejectedly when he tried the door.

"We have guns" Halstead reminded, Lindsay knew to step back while he made light work of the handle and hinges. They both knew they should call for backup, anything could be waiting in the stairwell, but neither seemed to care. Keeping close to each other they made their way down the stairs, Powell made responsible for watching the doors on the landings. Eventually they reached the exit. Other than some muddy footprints they had nothing to go on. Powell had an idea and they spent and extra twenty minutes placing a security camera where they had full view of the first one. This way they could see who was disconnecting it. Arriving back at the district Lindsay gave Voight a wave and left for her appointment. No doubt by the time she got back Halstead and Powell would have somehow incorporated a dozen gunmen and a helicopter into the story. Erin was called in straight away, feeling completely unprepared. She had planned on using the time in the waiting room to transition from Detective Lindsay, who had not long been in a rooftop shootout, to Erin, wife and mother.

"Miss Lindsay, it's nice to meet you. Can you fill me in on your pregnancy so far?" The sonographer asked.

"Well there hasn't really been a so far, I only found out for sure three hours ago. Dr Grafton worked her magic to get me in so quickly" Erin explained.

"Alright, congratulations, and how far along are you? Approximately" She questioned making notes as she spoke.

"Five or six weeks" Erin answered.

"Let's have a look then" The sonographer enthused. There really wasn't much to be seen and in the end the picture was barely worth it. A round black blob in a sea of fuzzy grey. Erin thanked the sonographer and shoved the picture in her pocket. Ready for the day to be over already she bought a sandwich to eat in the car on her way back to work. The last thing she expected to see when she arrived was her husband in Voight's office. The blinds were open but the door was closed. Fighting the urge to burst in she took a moment to calm down sitting at her desk to watch and wait. She childishly pretended to be working when Kelly emerged a few minutes later. He didn't stop to say anything so she followed him outside.

"What were you doing?" She questioned as she fell into step beside him.

"I just had to ask Voight something" Kelly explained continuing to walk, it was at this point she realised he must have walked from the firehouse.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing to do with you" He answered.

"Kelly, please?"

"No" He refused, still walking.

"We need to talk" She said. Specifically she needed to do the talking while he listened.

"We can talk at home" He said as he stopped and turned to face her.

"I was going to drop by the firehouse after work" She suggested hopefully.

"Well don't" He instructed firmly.

"Fine" She called after him before turning on her heels and making her way back to the district. If Kelly wasn't going to fill her in she would ask Voight. Angry and tired when Voight refused to talk, instead suggesting she ask her husband, she turned to paperwork then took an early afternoon. Watching two sisters bludgeon each other at the park was the last thing Erin wanted to see but Shay was having a great time on the slide. She knew another baby would change everything but they had plenty of time to prepare. Shay would be so much older by the time it was born and would hopefully have learned to share.

* * *

Erin woke up when Kelly climbed into bed early the next morning. He usually tried to get some sleep after work, especially on weekends when they liked to do things as a family. She sat up, deciding that now was as good a time as any to talk.

"I know it's a bit late…but I have a wedding present for you" She started hoping that he would see she was making an effort.

"Really? Is it honesty" Kelly asked almost intentionally hurtfully.

"I'm trying" She pleaded.

"Okay what's the present?" He questioned.

"Maybe I shouldn't have called it a present. It's a big deal. I realise we're married and that I should have talked to you about it but I wanted it to be a surprise. Please forgive me?" She requested, laying the groundwork for the massive apology she felt the need to make.

"I can't forgive you if I don't know what you've done" He replied impatiently. At a loss for words she rolled over and took the ultrasound picture from the drawer of the bedside table and handed it to him. "What am I looking at?" He asked, taking the picture for closer inspection.

"Our baby" Erin answered calmly.

"Shay?" He questioned.

"No" She answered loving the flicker of a smile that crossed his face.

"Erin, don't mess with me" He said seriously.

"I'm not messing with you. I'm pregnant" She laughed, quickly stopping herself when she noticed the look of disbelief. "That's why I've been seeing doctors over the last few months. I wanted to do something special for you so I made some appointments to make sure I was healthy and discuss dates. Turns out our honeymoon was perfectly timed but the doctors were doubtful anything would happen first try. But it did" She explained deciding that the more information he had the more likely he was to believe it.

"You're pregnant?" He asked, feeling the need to double check.

"Yes" Erin nodded, reaching out to hold his hand.

"You've surprised me alright" He said after taking a moment to process the news.

"I'm really sorry I did it without talking to you, it is what you wanted though, isn't it?" She questioned needing him to forgive her for failing in her duties as a wife so quickly.

"Absolutely, I'm so sorry for doubting you" He replied still unable to shift the grin. "I feel like an idiot, you only found out yesterday" Kelly groaned, connecting the phone call to the test.

"This is going to change everything" She said softly.

"It is, but we're going to do it together" He nodded.

"So you forgive me?" She questioned.

"There is nothing to forgive" He assured leaning across to kiss her. One kiss turned into many as he tried to convey just how pleased he was. After pulling up her shirt and kissing her belly he returned his focus to her lips.

"So the fact that I'm pregnant turns you on?" She questioned, feeling him harden against her leg.

"Yeah" He answered enjoying every kiss. She granted him complete control, relieved he had forgiven her so easily. "Is this okay?" He questioned setting a painfully slow rhythm when he eventually decided to progress past kissing.

"No, this sucks. We've done this before and Shay turned out fine. Just be normal" Erin instructed.

"Mama?" Shay questioned, heads snapped up to see the toddler standing in the doorway looking confused.

"Shay?" How did you get out?" Erin asked, trying to push Kelly off, he didn't budge.

"Mama snuggle?" Shay asked walking towards them.

"Shay, can you go get your ball for me?" Kelly requested.

"Okay" She answered sweetly disappearing into the hallway as quickly as she had arrived.

"What the hell?" Erin questioned.

"I don't know" Kelly laughed before turning his attention back to worshipping his wife's body.

"She'll be back any second" Erin warned, conflicted between finishing what they had started and mentally scarring their daughter.

"No she won't, her ball's downstairs" He laughed speeding up his movements anyway. The prospect of Shay returning any second was disturbingly thrilling and neither of them lasted much longer.

***blushes* Had to happen eventually... **


	55. Chapter 55

Erin let herself relax in Kelly's arms, happy just to enjoy the moment while it lasted. She had brought too much stress upon herself over the last few weeks, completely unnecessarily. The calm couldn't last forever, not with Shay roaming the house unsupervised. Neither of them expected to hear a sickening thud from the stairs but it was certainly effective in getting them out of bed. Rushing out of the bedroom, tripping on the sheet they shared for modesty, they found the baby gate at the top of the stairs hanging open. Erin rushed forward so she could see down the stairs while Kelly hesitated a moment, not sure he wanted to see.

"It's okay, it's just a book" Erin announced quickly looking back at Kelly, considerably paler than usual.

"Where's Shay then?" He asked. Erin clicked the gate closed then let him guide her back towards Shay's bedroom. They found their cheeky toddler halfway up her bookshelf, talking to herself as she selected a book. Curious, they stood back and watched as she climbed down.

"Look" Shay instructed them as she carried the book to the top of the stairs and placed it on the floor. It wasn't very thick but gave her just enough height to be able to reach and use the gate latch. With the gate open Shay picked up the book and sent it flying.

"Why are you throwing books Shay?" Erin asked hoping there was some sort of explanation.

"Gravity" Shay claimed looking up at her father for approval.

"What have you been teaching her?" Erin questioned, either their child was a genius or he had reverted to answering her constant questions with ridiculous answers.

"We watched a documentary the other day, they were dropping books as an experiment" He said starting to realise that Shay was increasingly aware of the things they watched on television.

"Right. And how long has she been opening the gate?" She asked, now nowhere was safe if Shay could simply find something to stand on.

"That's new and not my fault" He defended instantly, willing to take responsibility for the books but nothing more.

"Sure" She said sceptically as she took Shay's hand. "Shay, we don't throw books. Books are for reading" She explained as she led them through to the bedroom, Kelly catching up quickly before he lost the sheet. He pulled on his discarded pyjama pants as soon as he had the chance. Erin pulled the sheet tighter around herself then stepped out of the room for a second. Returning with a picture book in hand she handed it to Kelly. "Daddy's going to read to you while I take a shower" Erin instructed.

"I shower" Shay complained.

"Not this time baby girl" Kelly consoled as he settled her on the bed and started to read the story. The princess saved the dragon in typical storybook fashion, Shay seemed more amused by turning the pages. Erin watched from the doorway, wondering where another baby would fit. "Breakfast?" He questioned hopefully when he noticed her.

"Yeah" She agreed leaving Kelly to put the book away while she took Shay downstairs. Marvelling at how Shay had suddenly become an escape artist, climbing out of bed and getting the gates open. Working out what to have for breakfast was the next dilemma. Toast with avocado was easy to prepare but not something they had every day. Shay decided she hated it before she even tried it, scraping the avocado off and squelching it between her fingers.

"Shay, eating not playing" Kelly coached as he joined them, showered and dressed.

"There are three major things we have to talk about…" Erin started.

"Sure, what's up?" He asked taking the toast from Shay before she could throw it.

"First thing is Katie. You mentioned something the other night but never explained yourself" She prompted.

"Yeah, sorry. I offered to let her stay here for a few weeks while she gets settled in Chicago. She's got a new job but doesn't want to move back in with her family" He explained.

"You are her family. When does she arrive?" Erin asked neutrally.

"Monday" He offered hesitantly.

"Okay" She nodded.

"I know I should've asked you but I figured it wouldn't be too big a deal, we have plenty of space" He half apologised, unable to judge her reaction.

"Its fine" Erin smiled, it would be interesting to spend more time with Katie and Shay would love having someone else to play with.

"What's next?" He asked, pleased to have already ticked one item off the agenda.

"Umm…What were you talking to Voight about yesterday?" She asked softly, not sure it was any of her business.

"We were talking about schools" He clarified quickly.

"Why?" She questioned.

"You know I've been fundraising for Naomi Newhouse, since it's my fault her dad can't work. Well she's a really bright kid and Voight mentioned at the wedding that he could get her into a good school" Kelly informed

"Yeah he's good at that" Erin smiled, remembering how easily he had talked his way into getting her a place at an incredibly good school.

"He definitely is. Oh, and we're going to a movie night at the firehouse tonight. Well you don't have to come but I'm taking Shay" He added before he forgot.

"More fundraising?" She hardly needed to ask.

"Textbooks and uniforms" He nodded "if we get decent numbers we'll send some money to the local youth group as well."

"Sounds good. Third thing is working out how we're going to keep our little monkey from getting hurt" Erin moved on.

"That is a problem. All the gates have essentially the same locking system so we can't just buy different ones. The stairs are really the only major hazard though" He said as he thought about the issue more seriously.

"True, but it's nice to contain her" She reminded.

"I know but maybe it's time we got rid of the gates, before she starts sneaking through them. We'd just need to keep a close eye on her for a few weeks and teach her not to use the stairs if we aren't there" He proposed.

"Maybe" She said, encouraging him to continue.

"We'll make it into a game somehow" He assured.

"Alright. Any ideas for keeping her in bed?" She asked smiling when Shay finally decided she was hungry and started munching on her toast.

"Shut her bedroom door?" He put forward.

"She could still fall and hurt herself climbing out" She said, gently telling him his solution wasn't viable.

"Maybe it's time for an upgrade. We can get her a new bed now so it isn't a drama when the baby arrives" He grinned.

"That works" Erin nodded.

"She can move into a different bedroom at the same time" He added.

"Why?" She questioned, a new bed was a good idea but a new bedroom was pushing it.

"New baby?" He reminded.

"Will be joining us in our bedroom for the first six months at least. Getting a new bed will be enough of a change, we have to do things gradually" She informed as she handed Shay more toast.

"Okay. We'll look into getting a new bed. Anything else?" He asked.

"No I think that's it" Erin concluded.

"My turn then. What are we doing today? I think we need to celebrate" Kelly smiled pointing to the ultrasound picture he had already stuck on the fridge.

"There's plenty of washing to do" She suggested with an excessively enthusiastic smile.

"Seriously though, we have to do something" He encouraged.

"We'll you figure it out. I'm going to get on with housework" She agreed, not wanting to waste any more time. If Katie was coming she needed to neaten the guest bedroom and clean the bathroom mirror properly.

"I can help if you tell me what to do" He said as he got up to stop her, already concerned she was going to overdo things.

"I'm fine, I promise" She assured giving him a quick kiss before lifting Shay from her highchair and carrying her to the kitchen. Once most of the avocado was washed away she undressed Shay, dropping her pyjamas in the washing basket on the way upstairs. Dressed and ready for the day Shay was handed to her father for entertainment while Erin got on with cleaning. Kelly wanted to be helpful so with Shay's help, or rather hindrance, he got on with vacuuming. By midday the only thing left to do was wait for the washing machine.

"I figured it out, we should go to the zoo" He suggested when they met in the kitchen for a drink. "See how they contain their little monkeys" He joked.

"Sounds like a good idea" She agreed tickling Shay who knew they were talking about her.

"Should we have lunch first?" He asked, checking the clock.

"We could take lunch" She offered.

"Picnic at the zoo. I think that's a fitting celebration" He agreed, already moving to get organised.

"Definitely" She nodded. Shay spread mayonnaise on the bread, and all over herself, while Erin prepared sandwich fillings and fruit salad. Half an hour later they were seated on their picnic blanket watching monkey's climbing around in their enclosure. Shay had decided she was a monkey and clung to Kelly, occasionally loosening her grip for more food.

"When can we tell people?" Kelly asked, if it was up to him they'd announce it at the movie in a few hours' time.

"After the next ultrasound, two months maybe?" She answered throwing Shay a grape.

"That's ages" He complained.

"We should wait until we know everything is alright" She justified.

"It will be though"

"You never know" She shrugged, trying to keep things in perspective.

"I know that everything would be fine if you stop working" He grumbled.

"Really? It's been less than a day and you're already trying to get me to stop working. I am fine, the baby is fine and I'll work for as long as I want to" She said, making sure he knew things were no different the second time around. Her judgement was most important.

"But you'll tell Voight, straight away this time?" He requested extending his arm so Shay could swing from it.

"He already knows" She admitted gently.

"What? When did you tell him?" Kelly asked, looking hurt and disappointed.

"Yesterday, I mentioned it was a possibility the day before then confirmed it as soon as I knew" She answered honestly.

"Why would you tell him first?" He questioned.

"I needed to give a reason not to go undercover. Proof that I'm taking being pregnant seriously, if you didn't trust me" She explained.

"You know I trust you, I just worry" He clarified.

"Well you don't need to worry" She said, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

"Okay then, tell me honestly. When was the last time you got shot at?" He asked.

"That's not fair" She protested knowing the answer wouldn't make her point by any means.

"When?" He demanded.

"Yesterday" She admitted. "When was the last time you ran into a burning building?"

"Yesterday, but I'm not pregnant" He defended, shocked to know his wife's job was so risky. He had assumed she would tell him when they had to use their weapons but he was clearly mistaken.

"Whatever. Voight knows and he won't let me do anything too dangerous" She said finally.

"I love you" He used as an apology.

"I love you too. Now tell me about the movie we're going to" Erin changed the subject.

"It's Blaze" He beamed.

"The kids movie with the dog? Your idea wasn't it?" She accused with a laugh, he had enjoyed the movie far too much the first time. Shay owned a stuffed Blaze, pyjamas and shirts with the fireman's fury friend and a replica firetruck from the movie. Erin knew that if the clothing line came in adult sizes her husband would wear them too. She continued to tease him about the movie selection all afternoon. He tried to distract her with facts about the exotic animals they saw but she wouldn't let it go.

The firehouse looked great, the trucks were parked outside, door open for tours, leaving the open space for chairs and the projector screen. Kelly took Shay down the front where the children had pillows, blankets and bean bags. Erin used the chance to socialise, checking on her family every now and then to remind herself just how right she had been. Kelly was so great with kids and she was confident that together they would definitely be able to manage another.

**I needed a chapter for them to talk things through but I mixed in some cute family time to keep you guys happy. I won't be able to update tomorrow :( Sorry, but I have to drive to my university for textbooks etc. and it's going to take all day. **


	56. Chapter 56

**Yesterday was massive, this isn't what I had planned for this chapter but I felt like writing something light and fun…Enjoy :D**

"Sing Mama!" Shay demanded from her car seat.

"What song baby?" Erin asked, making eye contact in the rear view mirror.

"Sing!" Shay repeated.

"Radio?" Erin questioned as she pressed the button and music filled the car.

"Next" Shay requested, Erin hit another button and the radio station changed. They went through half a dozen stations then Shay settled on one playing an upbeat song Erin had never heard before. Careful to pay attention to the lyrics she continued to drive, almost certain the GPS directions were wrong. Shay sang away, babbling tunelessly as she kicked her legs energetically. Feeling frazzled and completely disoriented Erin was massively relieved to see the massive yellow and blue IKEA sign. Finding a car space near the door was difficult but after a few laps she stalked a family to their car and took the space they vacated.

"Ready to go baby?" Erin questioned, knowing that turning the music off without Shay's permission was an easy way to start a tantrum.

"Waaaiiit…" Shay said slowly, as the last of the instrumental music faded out. Erin turned off the car before the next song could start and got out. Shay knew she wasn't allowed to walk in the car park so she didn't fuss about being carried. This didn't last long when she spotted the escalator inside, transfixed and desperate to touch it.

"It's not safe baby" Erin explained, keeping a firm hold on Shay. One of her most terrifying childhood memories involved an escalator. She wouldn't have been more than eight years old, spending afternoons at the local mall to avoid her mother's latest boyfriend. Distracted by the massive Christmas tree she hadn't noticed her loose shoelaces until they got caught, the escalator pulling at her shoe hungrily. Another shopper had pressed the emergency stop button and freed her trapped shoelaces, but not before a security guard had arrived. He meant well and refused to let her leave without an adult. She still remembered the terror she had felt when Derek, the boyfriend, had showed up to collect her. Realising she was standing in the middle of the walkway she put the memory out of her mind and stepped to the side, turning her attention to Shay. Letting the toddler loose amongst the crowd probably wasn't the wisest decision but Erin did it anyway. Following along as Shay navigated the displays, drawn to bright colours and handles.

"Mama please?" Shay asked, holding up a bright green cushion, textured to look like scales.

"We're just looking" Erin informed as she helped Shay put the cushion back, a week ago Shay would have been upset by this but today she didn't even pull a face.

"Can I have a dragon?" Shay questioned next.

"I don't think they sell dragons here, sorry baby" Erin apologised, taking Shay's hand to keep moving through the bedroom section. Taking the time to point out interesting shapes and colours.

"DRAGON" Shay yelled as she pointed at an elderly lady wearing a textured green jacket.

"Shh, no Shay. That's not a dragon" Erin quieted quickly, convinced everyone had heard and was judging her parenting ability.

"Mama!" Shay scolded in return, sounding as if she'd explained it a hundred times before.

"Shay, which sheets do you think Aunt Katie would like?" Erin redirected, releasing Shay so she could assess the options.

"Aunty Katie likes dragons" Shay informed as she climbed onto one of the beds to feel the sheets.

"No more dragons today baby" Erin said, wondering how many times Kelly had read the book with the dragon.

"Yes Mama" Shay agreed reluctantly.

"Which ones?" Erin asked holding up two sets of sheets, one a ghastly pink floral and the other a print of Paris at night.

"Yuck" Shay complained.

"You choose then" She laughed watching as Shay donned a serious expression and looked at the options.

"Aunty Katie likes eating" Shay said resolutely as she picked the sheets that looked like the top a pizza.

"Will you tell her you picked them?" Erin asked.

"No" Shay answered.

"Cheeky" She laughed, no doubt Shay would blame her for the sheet selection.

"Monkey?"

"Yes, you are a cheeky monkey!" Erin agreed lifting Shay onto the bed before tickling her.

"I pick them" Shay surrendered between giggles.

"Good girl" Erin praised, tucking a set of the pizza sheets under her arm.

"Next?" Shay asked, practically dragging her mother away from the beds.

"Well Katie's room only has a bed so far" Erin explained, leading the way to the bedside tables and chests of drawers.

"Red" Shay declared, picking a locker style bedside table, the bright colour and latch demanding her consideration.

"What about this one?" Erin asked, seriously considering a plain white bedside table.

"Yucky" Shay concluded.

"Why?" Erin questioned.

"Too square"

"Okay, round then?" She asked, pointing to the next one over.

"Yes" Shay nodded. Not quite believing she was following the advice of a one year old Erin wrote down the details and checked the price, definitely affordable. As they moved away Erin froze for a moment then turned back to the table, after closer inspection she decided it would be fairly easy to assemble. Satisfied, they moved on to drawers, Erin looking with both Katie and the new baby in mind. Tossing up between two very similar sets she momentarily lost track of Shay.

"Shay?" Erin called when she noticed her mistake, scanning the immediate area for the purple shirt Shay wore.

"MAMA!" Shay answered, popping up out of a drawer suddenly.

"How did you get in there?" Erin asked as she lifted Shay out.

"Monkey" Shay reminded.

"Which drawers does the monkey like?" Erin asked pointing to the two options. Shay considered it for a moment then decided on the ones on the left, slightly taller with deeper drawers but also cheaper. "I think you're right" She nodded, noting down the information carefully. Having found the three things they had been looking for in that section they moved quickly through the lounge room, kitchen and office sections. Watching Shay carefully Erin rounded the next corner, revealing the entrance to the children's section. Erin put her down and let her approach at her own speed, eyes wide as she tried to take in all the coloured toys.

"Mama look" Shay squealed as she stopped and pointed.

"What is it?" Erin asked, following Shay's gaze to a pile of stuffed dragons. Shay shook her head, knowing she wasn't supposed to talk about dragons any more. "You can say it."

"DRAGONS!" She yelled, running straight at the toys. She grabbed one and cuddled it to her chest before discarding it for another, identical, one. After cuddling a few she realised there were too many, collapsing amongst them with a satisfied sigh.

"You can have one" Erin smiled when she crouched down in front of Shay.

"Please" Shay nodded, struggling to pick only one. Then she spotted something hanging on the far wall that she wanted even more. Leaving her mother behind she raced over to the plush dragon costumes, patting the strange fabric lovingly.

"Does it fit?" Erin asked, selecting one of the costumes then helping Shay into it. They only came in one size and it was big on Shay but seeing her in with wings and a tail was too cute to resist. Erin decided Shay had to have one.

"Fits" Shay insisted, pulling it tight around the middle.

"You can have one if you promise to be a good dragon, no setting anything on fire" Erin said as she reached across to undo the zipper, Shay pulled away quickly. It wouldn't hurt to let her wear it for the rest of the shopping trip.

"Promise" Shay agreed.

"You still need a friend, dragons always have friends" Erin explained as they moved back towards the stiffed dragons. Dressed as a dragon, pointed ears on the hood, with a dragon tucked under her arm Shay couldn't help but grin. She didn't even mind as her mother wandered through the baby section, choosing a packet of embroidered bibs that was on special. Next they reached the section Erin was most interested in, children's beds. "Shay, do you want a big girl bed?"

"That one" Shay decided immediately, pointing to bunk beds.

"No, one of these" Erin instructed moving to the more age appropriate section, small brightly coloured beds with guardrails. Shay looked conflicted for a moment then climbed into the nearest bed.

"No" She shook her head before moving to the next one. Erin wasn't sure why she smiled every time Shay decided a bed was no good. There weren't that many options and soon Shay had ruled all of them out.

"We don't have to pick one today" Erin concluded, for herself as much as for Shay.

"Mama, hungry" Shay said, pointing across to the food court. Checking her watch Erin noticed they had missed morning tea and were now on time for lunch.

"Let's get some lunch" Erin nodded, taking Shay's hand. It was difficult to walk past all the toys and fun furniture but Erin assured Shay they would come back after food. At the top of the stairs Erin grabbed a bag, stowing the items they had found so far. Trailing her little dragon they joined the queue to get lunch. Erin had already decided to give up being a serious parent and didn't bother to negotiate when Shay asked for green Jelly, using her manners. Selecting a chocolate pudding for herself and a fruit salad for the baby she laughed, eating for two definitely had benefits. Fish, chips and salad was the daily special so Erin ordered one, the portion big enough to share with Shay. Adding juice to their tray they bought their food and went to find a table. Loving how family friendly everything was Erin made sure to write down the name of the chair Shay sat on, not a high chair but a normal looking chair with extended legs so she was at the right height for the table. "You are a genius" Erin commented when she followed Shay's lead and dipped a chip in her dessert. Unlike Shay who was simply testing the surface strength of her Jelly the chocolate pudding, potato and salt combination was actually good.

"Genius monkey dragon" Shay smiled.

"Is that your new name?" Erin asked, glad she grabbed extra napkins.

"Yes"

"I don't think he's hungry" Erin said quickly as Shay aimed a wobbling spoonful of Jelly at her stuffed dragon's mouth.

"SHE" Shay corrected.

"Sorry, she's not hungry" Erin rephrased.

"More for me" Shay said as she lifted the spoon to her own mouth in a rush, tipping the Jelly into her lap. 

"That's what Daddy says" Erin nodded, Kelly often used the phrase when Shay wouldn't eat her food.

"Daddy's a dragon" Shay informed.

"He can be" Erin agreed, handing Shay another chip.

"You too" Shay guaranteed.

"Really?" Erin questioned.

"Yes" Shay said with great certainty.

"How?" She asked, wishing she paid more attention to the dragon in the storybook Shay was presently obsessed with.

"You are" Shay answered, as if it didn't need explaining.

"Okay, keep eating" Erin replied, handing over the last piece of fish.

"Not hungry" Shay decided, pushing the fish away.

"But you haven't even finished your jelly" Erin reminded.

"You eat Mama" Shay said, handing the cup to her mother with a smile. Having already eaten most of the fish, chips and salad, along with the chocolate pudding and fruit salad she really didn't need anything else. The jelly did look quite appealing though and she convinced herself that it wouldn't hurt. Half an hour later she was regretting eating anything at all. Trying to play with Shay made difficult by the persistent low level nausea that was morning sickness. The children's section had so many great toys and ideas that it was hard not to want to buy one of everything. Erin and Shay played with felt finger puppets, cardboard dolls houses, and massive rolls of paper, then settled in a miniature circus tent for a few minutes. Shay ran off to play on a spinning chair while Erin found a bed to sit on. Just watching Shay whirling on the chair made Erin consider her escape plan, the bathrooms were just around the corner so she wouldn't have far to go. Taking Shay would be inconvenient though.

"What's wrong?" Erin asked when Shay approached, frowning slightly.

"Mama play" Shay complained.

"Mama doesn't feel good" Erin explained, hoping Shay would be understanding.

"Better when you sleep" Shay encouraged, Erin always told her she would feel better after a sleep if she wasn't feeling well.

"Not yet. More shopping and then we'll go home for a sleep" Erin said, taking a deep breath as she stood up. Shay nodded and didn't fuss over leaving the toys behind. Downstairs they got a trolley, making their way quickly through the remaining displays, stopping briefly to choose more bathmats and a toothbrush holder. Erin added a lamp, photo frame and potted bamboo for Katie's room then moved through to the warehouse section. Using the information she had written down she found the flat pack bedside table and chest of drawers. Rushing through the checkout she was thrilled to almost be done.

"Need some help?" A man asked, watching as Erin took Shay from the trolley and moved to put her in her car seat.

"Uh…No I'm fine" Erin replied, looking at the trolley. The flat pack furniture was right on the edge of what she considered a reasonable weight to lift alone.

"It's no problem" He insisted.

"Okay" She agreed after a moment, opening the back of the car so he could load the heavier items.

"And that's my random act of kindness for the day" He nodded when he was finished.

"Thank you" Erin smiled, always cautious of strangers who were unnecessarily kind.

"I'll take this back too, only because it's on the way to my car though" He added, taking the trolley.

"Thanks" She repeated before getting in the car. Shay was very fussy about music on the way home, indication that she was due for a sleep. Erin left everything in the car when they arrived home, feeling dreadful and preoccupied by getting Shay down for her nap on time. Feeling lazy she simply settled in bed, turning Kelly's pillow sideways to form a barrier so Shay couldn't roll off. They napped together, waking feeling refreshed and energised. With Shay's help she unpacked their purchases, leaving the furniture for Kelly, and got Katie's sheets on to wash. The finger puppets she had snuck into the bag provided effortless entertainment for Shay as they lounged around on the couch all afternoon. After dinner they fought over removing the dragon costume for bath time. Erin agreed that Shay could sleep in it afterwards, Shay acted out the dragons roll in her bedtime story then settled herself to sleep. Erin hung out the sheets then took a shower and crawled into bed. Just thinking about the next day made her yawn, a full day at work followed by Katie moving in.

**Nothing purposeful, just cute Mummy/Shay time. If it wasn't already obvious I ****love**** IKEA… And I'm pretty sure IKEA stores all have the same basic layout (at least they do in Australia). Jelly = Jello.**

**HELP: I need to come up with a gender and name for the Dawsey baby in this fic…suggestions? They aren't a major part of the story but I'll still need to refer to it by name and I'm feeling really lazy so if I don't get suggestions I'll probably just pick a top 10 name. **


	57. Chapter 57

"Does my little dragon want anything else?" Erin asked, packing Shay's lunch into her lunchbox.

"No" Shay said, after assessing the food options carefully.

"Time to go then" Erin said, reaching across to smooth Shay's hair under the hood. She put the remaining tubs of yoghurt back into the fridge, stopping to remove the ultrasound picture as she did so. After tucking it into her back pocket she lifted Shay down from the bench and followed her to the front door. The drive to the Herrmann's was unusually quiet, Shay too busy playing with her tail to request music.

"What do we have here?" Cindy asked when she opened the door to see a scaly green shape on Erin's hip.

"Dragon" Shay informed.

"Be good" Erin instructed before setting Shay down. "Kelly's going to pick her up after lunch" She added to Cindy, handing over the lunchbox.

"Alright, have a nice day" Cindy said with a quick wave as she turned to see what the children were up to.

"You too" Erin smiled as she headed for her car. Next stop was the firehouse where she found her husband struggling to stay awake at his desk. "Good morning" She said as she stepped into the office and closed the door.

"Morning" He replied, looking incredibly pleased to see her.

"I thought you might want this, it'd be the first thing Katie noticed if it stayed on the fridge" She explained as she handed over the ultrasound photo.

"Thank you" He grinned as he grabbed her wrist and pulled until she was sitting on his lap. After a quick kiss he sat back, looking at her carefully.

"What are you thinking?" She asked, she hadn't seen him so thoughtful in weeks.

"That I married the woman who can make all my dreams come true" He answered with another kiss.

"That's a bit mushy" She complained, punching his arm playfully.

"I'm just excited" He grinned, sliding his hand up the front of her shirt to rest on over her very flat stomach.

"Me too" Erin nodded, removing his hand, she placed a soft kiss on it before dropping it as she moved to stand up.

"You've been feeling alright?" He questioned.

"Yes, I'm fine. I have to get to work though" She replied, leaning down for one last kiss before leaving his office. With a groan he got back to work.

* * *

"You're late" Voight complained the moment Erin sat down at her desk.

"No I'm not" She argued.

"We'll not technically, but you're later than usual" He clarified.

"Sorry" She responded though she definitely wasn't, stopping by the firehouse on the way to work wasn't something she did regularly. It certainly guaranteed a good start to the day if nothing else.

"Today is Burgess' first day undercover, Antonio and Powell are keeping an eye on things from the van just around the corner. Those cameras we've been having trouble with are down again. Halstead and Lindsay, find better places to put them. Everyone else is working on finding the man in the footage we got before the feed died. And figuring out why he's so determined not to let us see what's happening in the alley" Voight briefed.

"Let's go" Lindsay nodded grabbing her jacket and keys. Not long later she was standing at the door to the stairwell of the building where only a few days earlier they'd been shot at. She knew the chances of the shooter being on the rooftop again were incredibly slim but she still wished she'd taken the time to pull on a vest. Halstead didn't seem at all concerned, pulling open the heavy, squeaky door without hesitation. He stomped on up the stairs, Lindsay following close behind. They returned to the corner and found that this time the cameras had been shot. After assessing the buildings in the immediate area they both came up with different solutions to the problem.

"We get a smaller, better camera, and put it further away, near those fire escape stairs would work. In the middle of the night" Halstead suggested.

"Or we could just ask the city to put in a POD on the power pole that's right there. They're bullet proof and he'd have a hard time climbing up to it" Lindsay provided as an alternative.

"We'll organise both, you up for a late night" He questioned. Installing a camera stealthily, under the cover of darkness seemed like a fun way to spend the night, but he didn't have a family.

"Not really" She answered honestly.

"You okay?" He questioned.

"Yeah, Kelly's little sister is moving in tonight" She justified, hoping he wouldn't think any more of it.

"That'll be weird" He commented, using his phone to take a zoomed in photo of where he wanted the camera placed.

"I hope not" She replied. "Are we done here?" She asked shifting the focus back to their work.

"Yep" He nodded as they took one final look down along the alley and made their way back to the stairs.

"Wait a sec, is that blood?" Lindsay asked as she spotted a few dark red droplets on a step about halfway down.

"Could be" He nodded, kneeling for a better look.

"I didn't notice it the other day, I just wanted to get out of there" She recalled.

"I'll get someone down from the lab, DNA will make identifying him easy" Halstead agreed, pulling out his phone to make the call. Lindsay knew she hadn't ever gotten a clear shot so either Halstead had or the blood belonged to somebody else. That was assuming it was blood at all, it could be paint for all they knew. She took a seat on the nearest landing and settled in to wait for the forensics guy to arrive.

"It's going to take a while to match, we'll call you" He said, giving a curt nod as he slipped the bag of evidence into the pocket of his crisp white lab coat.

"Thank you" Lindsay nodded, following him down the stairs and out to the car. They passed the van where Antonio and Powell were staked out on their way back to the district, glad not to be cooped up all day. They relayed their findings to Voight and the remainder of the unit then set about getting their camera plans in place. Nadia handled the phone conversation for Lindsay, such a good negotiator that the new POD was going to be installed straight away. With nothing left to do but wait she called home to check that Kelly had started to assemble the furniture for Katie's room. She listened sympathetically to his expletive filled rant on pictorial instructions then answered emails and checked in with CI's until mid-afternoon. The moment Burgess was clear they were allowed to leave for the day.

* * *

Erin arrived about five minutes after Katie, taking Shay so Kelly could finish the tour he was giving. She followed them upstairs to check the bedroom one last time as Kelly apologised for the bucket of Shay's toys in the bathtub. Katie was quick to let her brother know that she didn't mind, in fact she was looking forward to getting to know her niece. They had never really spent more than a few hours together. Satisfied the bedroom was alright but still anxious for everything to be perfect Erin went back downstairs to check how dinner was going.

"Katie's just settling in, you okay?" Kelly asked when he joined her a few minutes later.

"I'm fine, why?" She questioned in response.

"I still feel bad about inviting her to stay without talking to you first" He explained.

"I'm not worried. She's family and Shay likes her" She assured, squeezing his hand gently as she moved to check the oven yet again.

"She's already offered to watch Shay on Friday night, I'll book something and we'll go out" He informed, eager to spend some time alone with his wife.

"Sounds good" Erin nodded trying to hide a yawn by turning away.

"Big day?" He questioned, unwilling to let it go unnoticed.

"Not really" She shrugged.

"Well I'm sure other things are using up energy" He hinted, looking down in the least subtle way. His head snapped back up as Katie entered the kitchen, trailed by a little green dragon who refused to wear anything else. Dinner was comfortable, Erin kept Shay quiet to give Katie and Kelly a chance to catch up. Their conversation continued well into the night, Erin and Shay leaving them to talk in favour of bath time, story time and an early night.

**Katie has arrived! Next chapter is date night because I haven't done one of those in ages. I hope you guys don't mind that I've slowed things down again. I will skip chunks of time here and there but I don't want to rush through. **

**POD = Police Observation Device**


	58. Chapter 58

"Feels like ages since we've done this" Kelly commented after opening the car door for his wife.

"It hasn't been that long" Erin replied, accepting the arm he offered.

"Longer than I'd like" He defended pulling her close as they walked the block and half to the restaurant.

"You're the one who cancelled last week" She reminded gently.

"That's because I thought you were dying" He argued, his expression suddenly serious.

"You did not!" She complained, adding a playful shove for good measure.

"Yes I did, that's why I freaked out when the doctor called" Kelly explained, remembering the hurt and fear he had felt when the doctor had refused to tell him anything.

"I'm sorry, I wish I'd said something sooner. I just didn't want you to be disappointed" She apologised, stopping walking for a moment to give him a hug.

"We'll you're not dying and I'm not disappointed so let's have fun tonight" He declared taking the few remaining steps before pulling open the door grandly.

"Sounds good to me. But I'm a little hurt that you wouldn't take me out to dinner if I was dying" She complained as they were seated.

"Can we please not talk about you dying, it hurts" He said, pained expression indicating his seriousness.

"I'm not dying, I promise" She assured, reaching across the table to squeeze his hand firmly.

"Good" He nodded

"I did figure out all our insurance before the wedding though" She teased as she handed him the menu.

"Stop" He insisted.

"I'm sorry, what do you want to talk about" She said wondering if making fun of him for loving her so much was mean. It was nice to know he cared enough that just the thought hurt him.

"Do you think it's a boy or a girl?" He questioned, taking her by surprise.

"I think it's a blob" She answered honestly, they wouldn't know the gender for months and she was fine with that.

"Seriously though, what are we going to name it?" He asked.

"I don't know. Ask me again when it resembles a human being or even better, when it's born" She replied, pleased to see his eyes sparkling as he grinned.

"I'm really excited" He said softly.

"I can tell, and I am too. I just know it's a long way off" She reasoned though his excitement was contagious and she couldn't help but smile back.

"And you're worried about Shay" He said softly.

"That obvious?" She questioned.

"You didn't even look at the beds properly and you've let her do whatever she wants all week. It's obvious" He laughed, rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand comfortingly.

"I just don't want her to think we love her any less" Erin sighed, feeling conflicted.

"She's not going to think that" He assured firmly.

"She might when I'm up all night with a crying baby and don't have any energy left for her, or when I get too big to play with her" She explained.

"Like you said, those things are a long way off. Until then all we can do is show her we love her and explain it so she's prepared" He concluded, he knew everything would turn out alright in the end.

"I might do some research, find some books" She agreed, resisting the urge to pull out her phone and start researching straight away.

"Okay, but for now let's just order dinner" He suggested.

"Alright, what are you having?" Erin questioned as she tilted her head to better read the menu upside down.

"No idea, you?" He asked in response, rotating the menu so she could look first.

"Not a clue" She laughed. They eventually decided what they wanted and placed their order. Talking about work briefly before their meals arrived.

"Erin" He warned as she reached across to steal another chip.

"I'm growing you a baby" She reminded with a smug smile then took two chips just to prove she was serious.

"I don't stand a chance for the next seven months" He realised.

"Only seven months, are you kidding? You remember how I was after Shay was born right, it'll be a year if you're lucky" She informed deciding she liked the look of his salad as well.

"I hope you understand the sacrifices I make" He sighed as he pushed his plate across the table for her. She didn't even bother to hide her laughter.

"The sacrifices you make? You can't be serious. No coffee or alcohol, eating and sleeping well, not doing the job I love, expanding until my clothes don't fit then pushing a whole freaking baby out my…" She summarised, cut off before she said something that would guarantee all eyes in the restaurant found her.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry" He said quickly, almost leaving his chair in his urgency to stop her speaking.

"Now you've got the hang of it" She grinned, patting his hand gently before pushing his plate back towards him.

"Seriously?" He complained when he realised she'd only eaten one component of the salad.

"I love you" She reminded.

"But did you have to eat all the beetroot? You know it's my favourite" He questioned sadly.

"I love you, and our baby loves you" She reinforced giving her best apologetic look.

"You are impossible" He whinged, not wanting any of his salad now the best part was gone.

"Impossibly awesome" She beamed, he groaned loudly, tempted to give in and let his face meet the table. "Buy me dessert, then take me home so I can apologise" She whispered seductively.

"Okay" He squeaked, waving over the waiter for a dessert menu. They read through the options carefully. Kelly didn't complain when she ordered for him, nor when she ate half his chocolate cheesecake. By the time they got back to the car his patience was wearing thin, he'd been a gentleman and kept his mouth shut but received nothing in return.

"On second thoughts it's going to be too weird with Katie just down the hall" Erin explained as they pulled into the driveway.

"We have a door, she has a door and I'm perfectly capable of keeping quiet while you apologise" He said firmly, there was no way he was letting her back out of it that easily.

"I was joking" She laughed as she leaned across to kiss him, pulling away the second he kissed back.

"Nasty"

"Can you keep your cool for ten minutes while we thank Katie?" Erin questioned as they reached the front door.

"Five minutes" He corrected.

"Seven" She negotiated.

"Six?" He asked hopefully.

"Deal" She nodded, stepping inside. All bets were off the moment they saw Katie, curled into a ball on the couch, crying. "Katie?" Erin asked cautiously.

"I'm so sorry" Katie replied, sniffling. Erin no longer cared about anything but Shay and raced upstairs to check she was alright. Shay was sleeping peacefully in her crib, Roary's paw in her mouth for comfort. She only sucked his paw when she got upset so something had definitely happened, there was no sign of any injury though so Erin was forced to go back downstairs for answers. Kelly had taken on the role of comforting older sibling, handing Katie tissues and hugging her.

"What happened?" Erin asked gently, taking a seat on the other side of her distraught sister-in-law.

"I thought I was helping" Katie started.

"Okay…" Erin nodded, desperate for more information.

"You've been complaining about how dirty her costume was, so when I took it off to give her a bath I put it in the washing machine. Shay got upset so I ended the wash early, rinsed it by hand and put it in the dryer…that's when…that's when…I ruined it" Katie sobbed.

"The synthetic fabric wouldn't handle the heat" Erin nodded, finally understanding the problem. For the first time she noticed the remnants of the costume on the coffee table, still mostly green with an occasional brown patch. The paint of the scales had melted together to form a tangled ball of fabric.

"I'm so sorry" Katie added softly.

"It's fine, it's nothing. I thought you'd dropped her" Erin said, letting herself laugh as relief hit her full force.

"No, I just ruined her favourite thing in the whole world. Getting her to sleep took forever. She's never going to forgive me" Katie replied gloomily.

"She's already forgiven you or she wouldn't be asleep. We can get her a replacement" Erin assured.

"I'm really sorry" Katie added.

"It's fine" Erin repeated, making eye contact with Kelly. Then she left him to console his sister, making a quick stop in the kitchen before heading upstairs. She got ready for bed then climbed in to wait for him. Increasingly impatient she was seriously considering going to sleep when he finally arrived. He crossed the room quickly crawling onto the bed to kiss her. "Nothing is going to happen if you don't shut the door" She informed when they parted for air.

"Oops" He said, quickly getting up to fix his mistake. While he was up he took a moment to brush his teeth and take off his shirt and jeans.

"Looks like we'll be making a trip to IKEA in the morning, which is probably a good thing because I need to get something for Gabby's baby shower" Erin commented when he slid into bed beside her.

"Um…you're supposed to be apologising" He reminded, leaning over her.

"Right there" She smiled pointing to the bedside table.

"Erin, that is not funny" He said. Anger growing in the pit of his stomach as he spotted the can of beetroot. She'd even been kind enough to bring a can opener and fork as well.

"Oh, I'm sorry, what were you expecting?" She questioned, thrilled by his twitching eyelid.

"You" He answered, reaching across to roughly remove her pyjamas. Erin tried to kiss her way to an apology as he tugged at her pants, it was the first time she'd ever actually tied them tightly. He grunted with frustration and was close to tearing them so she reached down and pulled the ties loose. "You don't normally tie them" He said, sounding betrayed.

"I'm so sorry" She laughed, lying still to make his attempts at clothing removal more difficult.

"No you aren't" He complained.

"You're right, I'm not" She shrugged before deciding to stop messing with him. Pushing him onto his back she removed her shirt then rolled on top of him. She peppered his face with light kisses, focusing on his jawline. A soft knock on their door had her moving back to her side of the bed. "Yeah" Erin called as she retrieved her shirt, pulling it on just as the door opened.

"I'm sorry but do you have a cat?" Katie asked.

"Umm…no. Why?" Erin questioned, it seemed awfully random.

"One just jumped onto my bed" Katie explained.

"Oh, it's not really ours. Kelly will come get it" Erin volunteered, giving him a shove. He looked to Katie at the door then his discarded jeans hanging over the side of the washing basket.

"I'll just go keep an eye on it" Katie said quickly when she noticed his hesitation.

"I hate cats" He growled as he pulled on his pants and rushed to shoo the creature outside. It had become a biweekly occurrence and the animal knew it was time to leave the moment he arrived. He followed it downstairs and let it out the back door. Stopping to say a quick goodnight to his sister he walked slowly back to the bedroom, convinced he wasn't going to get an apology. Erin sat waiting expectantly, slightly disappointed when he showed no interest in her. Instead he climbed into bed, sat up against his pillow and reached for his can of beetroot.

"No don't" Erin warned as he put the can opener on the lip of the can and started to open it. "It'll…" She tried to stop him but the bright pink juice had already spilled from the can, dripping onto his bare chest and then dribbling down to meet the sheets. The brand new white sheets they had received as a wedding gift.

"Sorry" He said as he tried to wipe away the juice, only smudging it and making it worse.

"Whatever" She shrugged, flicking the light switch as she rolled over to go to sleep, leaving him sitting in the dark to eat his beetroot.

"I'm sorry" He said hopefully. She didn't reply immediately, waiting until the sound of him eating got to her.

"Fine, give me some and I'll let you apologise" She answered, turning the light back on as she sat up, taking the can and fork from him.

"Should we be soaking this or something?" He asked, rubbing at the pink blotches on the sheets.

"Probably" She answered, no longer seeming at all concerned for the sheets. Two slices of beetroot later she placed the can on the bedside table, moving over him in the process. He was pleased to have her in his lap, even more so when she removed her shirt. Thankfully there were no further interruptions as they worked to make apologies that wouldn't be forgotten anytime soon.


	59. Chapter 59

"Where's Shay?" Erin asked as Kelly returned, carrying even more random household items in his arms.

"What do you mean? I thought she was with you" He asked, looking down to see that she wasn't with her mother.

"No, you took her to look at the magnetic containers" Erin reminded starting to panic a little.

"And then I brought her back" He answered, turning on the spot to scan the area, there were so many potential hiding spots for someone so small.

"Oh, yeah. Then you put her in the cupboard for a photo" She remembered.

"I definitely took her out again" He assured.

"When did you last see her?" She questioned, there was so much ground to cover they had to narrow it down before starting their search. Being logical and methodical would hopefully pay off.

"I don't know, over by that chair maybe" He answered, looking across at the bright orange office chair he had spun Shay around on.

"Okay, you check there while I go see…Wait, there she is" Erin announced with massive relief, crossing the walkway to retrieve her toddler from the display bed. Erin felt like they had been doing this way too often, the constant fluctuation of panic and relief leaving her feeling drained. "What are you doing baby?" She asked as she picked Shay up.

"Sleep Mama" Shay whined.

"I know baby, I'm sorry" Erin comforted knowing Shay

"Is she okay?" Kelly asked.

"Yeah, she just needs lunch and a sleep. This was supposed to be a half hour trip for dragon costumes" She explained, keeping a close eye on the drowsy toddler. If she went to sleep without food their afternoon would be a nightmare.

"I'm sorry, I got a little carried away" He apologised sincerely.

"You don't say" She replied, looking down at the assortment of things he thought they needed. It was getting to the point that he'd need a bag if he found anything else.

"Have you seen Katie?" He asked, realising she was missing as well.

"No…you go find her I'm going to get Shay some food" She said, obviously frustrated.

"Alright, you have your phone?" He checked. Splitting up in such a massive store was risky and they were already struggling to stay together.

"Yep" She nodded before leaving him to take a shortcut through to the food court. An hour later the four of them finally made it to the car. It would have taken twice as long if Erin hadn't managed to talk Kelly out of getting Shay a new bed. She knew they needed to buy one but there was no way it would fit in the car. Kelly resolved to come back by himself when she was at work.

* * *

After two almost completely sleepless nights the three adults in the household were seriously considering burning the new bed and returning Shay to the crib she so desperately desired. Katie especially didn't understand the fuss, the look Erin gave Kelly made sure he knew that saying anything would have severe consequences.

"Third time lucky right?" Katie asked hopefully. They'd retired to the couch after dinner, letting Shay play on the floor as they prepared themselves for another night long tantrum.

"She was yawning before we went to the park so hopefully she's too exhausted" Erin replied yawning herself at the thought of sleep.

"I don't understand, she was so excited in the store. She helped put it together and chose her own sheets…why does she hate it?" Kelly complained, watching as Shay burst into fits of giggles every time she dropped a block.

"Because it's different" Erin answered simply.

"There's an important food critic coming to the restaurant tomorrow" Katie said to no one in particular.

"I put the baby gate back in the hallway and confiscated her books so she won't be able to visit you again" Kelly explained as an apology.

"And we'll try to keep her quiet" Erin added, feeling even worse knowing that Shay's inability to accept change was disturbing Katie's sleep, and possibly her job performance.

"Its fine, surely she has to sleep tonight" Katie said enthusiastically.

"You'd think so, I told Cindy not to let her nap for very long after lunch" Erin agreed hopefully.

"May as well get it over with" Kelly said determinedly as he stood, taking Shay upstairs for her bath. Erin handed Katie the remote then followed. Shay knew bath time meant it was almost bedtime so she'd been intentionally difficult for the last few nights. Kelly had no other option but to pour copious quantities of bubble bath into the swirling warm water, white foam formed instantly, causing Shay great excitement. She was so preoccupied that she didn't even fuss when he unzipped the dragon costume. Erin watched cautiously from the doorway, not wanting to spark a tantrum by getting involved. Shay played with the bubbles while he lathered up her hair then rinsed it carefully. The difficult part was then to get her out, Erin contributed by using Roary and the stuffed dragon as incentives. Once Shay was dressed they tucked her into her bed and read her a story, then another to make sure she wasn't just pretending to be asleep.

"Quick" Erin hissed the moment Kelly was through the door. He followed her into the bedroom and in no time they were lying in bed enjoying the silence.

"This is great" He sighed softly.

"Sssh" She replied, feeling her eyelids grow heavier by the second.

* * *

"No!" Erin said, disbelief evident in her voice, as her alarm sounded the next morning.

"Yes" Kelly confirmed, rolling over to face her.

"Awesome" She grinned.

"We did it" He beamed, placing a quick kiss on her forehead.

"She did it" She corrected as she stretched.

"Celebratory pancakes?" Kelly asked, he had been making pancakes for breakfast whenever he got the chance.

"Absolutely" She agreed, never needing an excuse to eat something she didn't have to prepare.

"Don't take too long in the shower then" He added as he climbed out of bed.

"I won't" She answered, the thought of pancakes so appealing she rushed to shower and get dressed. The smell of pancakes wafting up the staircase made her even hungrier. By the time she arrived at the district she was regretting every mouthful. Taking the stairs slowly she was starting to feel a little better by the time she reached the top. One look at the sickening images on the whiteboard and her composure vanished. She peeled off her jacket and rushed past Nadia's desk, using putting her jacket in her locker as an excuse. It wasn't the first time morning sickness had struck at work but it was embarrassing to have it triggered by something she could usually handle with ease. She kept a toothbrush in her locker specifically for these occasions and she used it as she cleared her mind. Satisfied she wasn't going to vomit again she decided to join the rest of the unit for Voight's daily briefing. He updated them on Burgess' findings then moved on to explaining the new photographs on the whiteboard. Both cameras they had in place along the alley had captured the same thing, a teenage girl being beaten, raped and murdered.

"We have an ID for the kid, Natalie James, she ran away from home the other day because her little brother broke her iPod" Antonio informed, struggling with the knowledge that his daughter was older than Natalie would ever be.

"Whoever is responsible didn't want us watching, so either he's been planning this the whole time or he's done it before" Lindsay suggested, feeling the need to add her take on the situation and remind them of her presence.

"My guess is he's done it before, he's never going to do it again though. I want Halstead and Atwater on the rooftop watching the alley until we arrest him. Ruzek and Powell are keeping an eye on Burgess, I want Antonio and Lindsay to track the van until we have a body and, Alvin and I are going to go poke around" Voight informed. "Lindsay my office" He added when everyone started moving around to get on with their assigned tasks.

"But…" She argued.

"This will only take a minute" He answered, holding the door open for her as she moved into his office.

"What's up?" She asked as pulled on his vest and jacket.

"You alright?" He responded, ignoring her question.

"Yeah, I'm fine" She assured.

"I'll keep you at your desk today" He said, somehow managing to make it sound like and offer and an order at the same time.

"I'm totally fine to go out" Lindsay insisted.

"Well I'm not taking any chances so get comfortable" Voight smiled.

"Alright then" Lindsay sighed, he clearly wasn't going to change his mind. Her days on the streets were already numbered so she wanted to be out there with them. Voight had a point though, being behind her desk kept her close to food, water and bathrooms. Luxuries Halstead and Atwater wouldn't have on the rooftop. After further consideration she didn't mind spending the day at her desk. Antonio and Nadia were great company as they learned everything there was to know about the van, all four owners to date, ending with the man it had been stolen from. They watched through hours of security footage but still couldn't find it. Feeling the need to approach the case from a fresh angle Lindsay got to work on enhancing the footage to work towards identifying the man. While they searched they questioned his motives, there had to be a reason to use the alley and it was more than likely connected to Burgess' undercover job. Lindsay took a moment to stretch her legs and pour herself a mug of milk before returning to her desk, determined to prove she was still an important member of the unit.

**Ooh…The case is starting to get interesting! How far will Erin go to prove herself?... **


	60. Chapter 60

"Natalie's body's just been found" Halstead conveyed the moment the phone line connected. It was just after four in the morning so he wanted to get straight to the point. Erin had been sleeping soundly until her phone started buzzing violently, now she was wide awake.

"Where?" She croaked, climbing out of bed and grabbing clothes on her way into the bathroom.

"The stretch of riverbank just up from Monroe Bridge, there are other bodies too" He informed

"How many?" She asked, not sure she really wanted the answer.

"They're not sure yet" He answered grimly.

"Alright, I'm on my way" She said, holding her phone with her shoulder as she wriggled into her jeans.

"See you there" Halstead finished. Erin finished getting ready and made her way to the stairs, stopping to check on Shay as she went. While she seemed to have accepted the new bed she insisted on sleeping with her head at the wrong end, feet tucked in under her pillow. It was times like these Erin was thankful Katie was staying with them, if not she'd have to wake the sleeping toddler. She scrawled a quick note and stuck it to the wall opposite Katie's bedroom door. Hopefully Kelly would get home before Shay woke up. Leaving the house so early was strange, the city was surprisingly busy but traffic flow was smooth and she reached the bridge in no time. The swarming police presence let her know she was in the right place. She parked as far away as was reasonable and used the walk to prepare herself for what she was about to see. Spaced evenly along the riverbank were six shallow graves, the corpses in various states of decomposition.

"They all look like teens" Antonio informed having already assessed the bodies.

"Serial killer?" Lindsay questioned as she moved to get a better look at the closest body.

"Looks like it" He agreed, following as she continued, weaving through the flustered forensics team. Even in Chicago, with a notoriously high homicide rate, they didn't often find six bodies at once.

"Woah" She commented as she reached the third body, unlike the others it had been dismembered.

"That's the odd one out" Antonio said, quite unnecessarily.

"But it wasn't the first" She noted, thinking it was peculiar to change methods. Serial killers were typically set in their ways but at the same time were rarely rational.

"That one's leg is broken" He pointed out.

"There doesn't seem to be much consistency" She commented. Natalie was beaten and bruised. The second most recent corpse looked almost unharmed, then there was the dismembered body, another intact, undamaged, corpse, followed by the badly broken leg and the final one was only partially uncovered but had clearly been shot in the head.

"Once we have lab reports we'll know how and when they were killed" Antonio replied, well aware that they didn't have enough information to be making judgements.

"That's going to take days. How were they found?" Lindsay asked, looking around for the rest of the unit.

"An old guy with a metal detector" He answered pointing to the group nearest the bridge. Halstead and Voight were deep in conversation, clearly finding it just as strange as she did. What kind of person walks around using a metal detector along the riverbank at four in the morning?

"Insomniac" Halstead informed when Lindsay posed this question a few minutes later.

"Fair enough" She shrugged.

"Voight wants us head over to the bridge and use the photo of the guy in the alley to see what the locals know" Halstead explained turning to lead the way.

"Okay" Lindsay nodded as she followed Halstead. There was barely anyone out so rather than questioning people they were essentially tasked with watching the sun rise over the city. Lindsay had always loved the eerie silence of the early morning and the view from the bridge was spectacular, she barely missed being in bed. When early morning joggers and cyclists started streaming across the bridge they got to work. Even their best photo only showed half the man's face making him difficult to identify. One person mentioned that they might have seen him a few weeks ago, remembering because he had been covered in mud. They asked probing questions until they had and an exact date, from there they would potentially be able to connect it with a murder.

* * *

By three o'clock in the afternoon Lindsay was feeling the effects of the early start. Yawning seemingly constantly she was blinking rapidly just to clear her eyes long enough to read the documents Burgess had managed to copy. The financial records of the pawn shop were exactly what she expected from a criminal enterprise, poor and confusing. Some transactions didn't even mention what was being exchanged. The highlight of her day had to be when Kelly stopped by with Shay and afternoon tea, delicious carrot cake thanks to Katie.

"I missed you this morning" He said, taking a seat next to her on the stairs. Shay was happy sliding from step to step on her bottom, the smooth stone making it easy.

"We barely spend five minutes together normally, I'm rushing around to get ready and you're half asleep" Erin reminded, she was used to not seeing him daily.

"What was so urgent anyway?" He questioned.

"Some bodies were discovered down by the river" She answered distantly, thinking of the unidentified victims and their families.

"Gross" He responded.

"Yep, six teenage murder victims. We've only identified one so far and that's because we have footage of her being raped and murdered" Erin elaborated. She didn't usually like to go into detail but today it seemed to help.

"That's horrible, how do you do that everyday?" He asked, never really considering that things like that happened in real life let alone in their city.

"Well thankfully we don't. It helps that we're going to find the person responsible and make them pay" She replied, finishing the last of the slice of cake.

"As long as you're alright. I'm here if you need anything, you just have to call" He reassured, pulling her into a side on hug for a moment.

"I know, I'm fine though" Erin assured, it was nice to know he was willing to talk to her about tough cases, it felt wrong though. The intelligence unit were their own little family, helping and supporting each other. Talking about work with her real family defeated the purpose of trying to defend them from it all in the first place.

"Lindsay, we have three ID's" Nadia informed as she made her way past them as she climbed the stairs.

"I still think Severide sounds better" Kelly commented, disappointed every time someone called her Lindsay. He wanted the entire world to know that she was his, that they belonged together and always would.

"It does, on you. Severide, take our baby home and don't wait up" She instructed.

"You'll be home for dinner though" He said determinedly.

"Probably not, I'm staying for as long as it takes" She replied, handing him the empty plastic container.

"You have to eat and sleep" He said gently, struggling to keep his eyes up but knowing that looking at her stomach would make her angry.

"I will, when we have him in custody" She smiled, having been eating only moments ago he could hardly complain about that. This break from the computer had cured her endless yawning and she was ready to get back to work.

"I'll talk to Voight if I have to" He threatened, they both knew it was an empty threat, he wouldn't dare.

"He's been really great, you should probably thank him, he's the reason I've spent most of the last two days behind my desk" She defended.

"Alright. Don't work too hard" He said finally, lifting Shay up into the air.

"I love you" She grinned, the sound of their daughter laughing and the smile on his face made everything worth it.

"Love you too" He responded, they said it so frequently he didn't even have to think any more. She kissed and hugged Shay goodbye then got back to work. Reading the missing persons reports was more difficult than she expected, the parents were so desperate to get their children back and she knew they wouldn't. They could never hold their children again because some sick bastard had taken them away. She channeled her anger and got a lot of work done.

* * *

"You need to go home" Voight said as he stopped to sit on the corner of her desk, it was well past midnight and he was questioning his own reasons for staying.

"But I'm so close to something, I know it" Lindsay assured flicking through the documents scattered on her desk. She regretted not keeping the missing persons files separate from the pawn shop ledger.

"Well what then?" He asked, her contributions to a case were often the tipping point between collecting evidence and actually arresting the perpetrator. He would be willing to let her stick around, but only if she really was onto something.

"I don't know, I have the information I just need to process it" She explained trying to filter through the library worth of papers she had read in the last twenty-four hours.

"Which you can do from bed. I'll drive you" He pressed as he took the paper from her hand, placing it on the wrong pile.

"I'm fine" She argued, looking intently at the documents, there was something she was missing. It was staring her in the face yet she couldn't see it.

"Home, now! That's an order" He said, hitting his fist against her desk to emphasise the seriousness of his statement. The force shifted the top piece of paper and finally she could see it.

"Wait, just one second" She argued as he tried to pull her up out of her chair. The dates were the key. The dates the teens were reported missing were the same days that massive undisclosed transactions took place at the pawn shop. Somehow the pawn shop was profiting, it was almost like they were selling teenage runaways. To be murdered. **  
**


	61. Chapter 61

"What are you doing?" Erin asked, opening one eye as she heard Kelly pause right beside the bed.

"I was going to turn your alarm off. I should have known you weren't asleep - no snoring" Kelly answered, moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I need to get to work" She said, ignoring his comments as she shifted past him to get out of bed.

"You need to get more sleep" He complained, following her into the bathroom.

"I'll sleep when this case is over. I'm fine" Erin assured, as she removed her pyjamas and turned on the water.

"It's not you I'm worried about" He said sharply.

"Love you too" She answered frustratedly as she stepped into the shower.

"Erin" He tried to reason.

"Go to work" She replied, preoccupied. "Oh, can you drop Shay off?" She added as he turned to leave the bathroom.

"Fine, but promise me you'll eat a proper breakfast" Kelly said, stopping to lean against the doorway.

"I promise" Erin called back before stepping under the water to rinse off. She didn't even stop to dry her hair, pulling on comfortable clothes before rushing downstairs to the kitchen. After staring into the fridge, absentmindedly, for a few minutes she realised she was wasting time. She cut herself a slice of cake, not even bothering to with a plate, then had second thoughts and grabbed an apple as well. Not stopping to eat as she found her keys and got into her car. Driving one handed she made her way to the district, accidentally leaving her apple in the cup holder.

"Morning" Halstead greeted eagerly from his desk, the three cardboard cups in his bin indicated he was only still conscious thanks to caffeine.

"What do we have?" She questioned, looking over the new additions to the case board.

"No, no, no, no!" Voight started as he came rushing out of his office.

"Don't even bother" Lindsay sighed, settling behind her desk, flicking through the files Halstead had handed her. They now had all six missing persons reports and preliminary laboratory findings as well.

"My office?" Voight questioned, looking across at Halstead. Instead of keeping his head down Halstead sat up straight, wondering what Voight didn't want him to hear. It was always infuriating to know he was being left out of something. Lindsay didn't look like she was about to move though so he was hopeful he'd be present for their discussion.

"I've got work to do" She replied, turning her attention to the first file.

"No, you have sleep to be doing" He replied, reaching across to shut the folder.

"Halstead hasn't slept" Lindsay challenged, daring him to explain his reluctance to let her work. She opened the file again as she waited for his response.

"Erin" Voight warned, she paused for a second to assess how far she was willing to go.

"I'm just trying to do my job" She said softly, deciding that conflict wasn't the right approach to convince him to let her stay.

"You're no use on four hours sleep" He refuted.

"Hank, I would love to go home and sleep but you know as well as I do that I can't. Not until this is over, not until we find the person who killed these kids" She justified. Voight frowned, he understood and couldn't argue with her stance. He hadn't slept so he was already a hypocrite..

"Fine" Voight said resignedly.

"What's that about?" Halstead questioned the moment Voight was out of earshot.

"You know" She shrugged.

"Whatever" Halstead said. She clearly wasn't going to explain herself so he assumed it was just Voight being overprotective, as usual.

"Where is everyone anyway?" Lindsay asked, thankful Halstead accepted her non-answer.

"Bringing in the pawn shop owner, Miklos Wolski. They've arrested him for trading stolen goods but we're going to question him about the transactions you found" He explained.

"Okay, anything else?" She questioned, feeling as though she'd missed way too much already.

"DNA evidence proves that the guy who shot at us on the rooftop was the one raped and murdered Natalie. And Tahlia Brown as well. Nothing in the system though" Halstead contributed, he'd spent his entire morning going over everything they had on the alley/rooftop guy, trying to find something to identify him.

"None of the others were raped?" She asked, slightly surprised.

"Nope" He answered immediately.

"Why not?" She pondered. The more she looked into causes of death the more she questioned his motive.

"Not my area of expertise, but they're flying in a federal unit to take the case. We only have until they arrive" Halstead informed, sounding slightly relieved that he wouldn't have to work a second night.

"When's that?" She asked.

"Six tonight" He replied. They had ten hours to figure it out. Erin Lindsay had always been good at working to deadlines. She realised however that it was impossible to meet when she came to the conclusion that the six teens weren't all murdered by the same person. The circumstances surrounding the deaths of Natalie and Tahlia were so similar and the rest were so very different. Connecting the other pair, young boys who died of asphyxiation and drowning, left them with four different murder techniques, or four different murderers. It was all just a theory but the further they looked the more sense it made. Voight and Olinsky had Wolski in the cage and were doing their best to extract useful information. The rest of the unit were upstairs going over theories.

"So somehow the pawn shop guy is selling the kids for murder. Mr Rape-Murder must be in on it because from what we know he's the one who's disposed of all the bodies. I think it's some sort of sick business scheme. He provides the victim, and include disposal, for the twenty-five hundred dollar fee" Lindsay proposed, she'd been trying to connect the murders to Wolski, so far unsuccessfully.

"Makes sense" Antonio realised, sickened by the thought of human lives as merchandise.

"Assuming Mr Rape-Murder is behind this, why is he using the pawn shop?" Halstead asked, not convinced they had enough information to substantiate Lindsay's theory.

"Because it's easier that way, criminals everywhere, word of mouth advertising" She explained.

"Guys, we got something" Atwater said, placing his phone on his desk, they'd barely noticed him taking a call.

"Yeah?" Ruzek asked excitedly.

"Wolski definitely isn't the rapist, but the DNA is very similar, the lab lady says they have to be close relatives" Atwater informed.

"Does Wolski have a brother?" Lindsay asked hopefully.

"Three, only one in the US, Alekto" Halstead answered, the search tab still open on his computer.

"I'll get Voight" Antonio said as he rushed from the room, at last they had a name.

* * *

"Please" Lindsay almost begged.

"Absolutely not, I've already let you stay all day. There is no way you're coming with us" Voight replied firmly, tightening his vest until it sat just how he liked it.

"I'm fine" She reminded, just like Kelly, Voight seemed to think being pregnant somehow made her extremely fragile. No matter how much she protested they didn't seem to understand that she knew her body and her own capabilities.

"You can keep Burgess company" He said, trying to make it sound important. Burgess was struggling to process their theory. She'd watched Miklos and Alekto arguing out the back of the pawn shop, at the time it hadn't made sense. Now that Miklos had as good as confirmed Lindsay's theory, everything had changed. Kim felt guilty that she hadn't figured it out herself, she had worked closely with both brothers as part of her undercover job, never suspecting a thing.

"Can't Powell?" Lindsay asked, knowing he was trying to make her feel needed elsewhere to distract her.

"Erin, you're not going to win on this one" He answered firmly. Unlike other situations where he typically caved to her demands there was no way he was going to let her, exhausted and pregnant, accompany them on a potentially dangerous arrest. Her presence in such a risky situation was completely unjustifiable.

"Alright, you'd better get going, it's only fifteen minutes until the feds are supposed to arrive" She instructed, accepting his decision reluctantly.

"You can keep them occupied" Voight suggested.

"Stop making up jobs" She complained. Watching the rest of the unit, fully suited up, making their way to the cars.

"I'm serious, I want ten minutes alone with this guy" He replied, they both knew what that meant, he was going to get a confession, using as much force as was required, ignoring the rules and regulations.

"Just go arrest him first" She said, warning him against getting too far ahead of himself.

"Stay put" He warned finally. Lindsay watched on angrily as they drove away, tempted to suit up and follow them. Instead she headed upstairs to see what Burgess and Powell were doing. She joined them in listening to the radio chatter of the unit, it wasn't the same as being there in person but it was better than waiting around. Before she could hear if Alekto Wolski was home a young uniform was sent upstairs by Platt, informing them that the feds had arrived for the case handover.

"Let me know when they get him" Lindsay instructed Burgess before leaving them to go greet the federal agents. "Detective Lindsay" She introduced herself, leading the group up the stairs.

"We were told to talk to Sergeant Voight" The leader commented.

"He's busy at the moment" She informed, thinking it was rude that they hadn't introduced themselves in return.

"Doing?" He pressed.

"Arresting a suspect, then we're going to question him. After that hopefully everything will be resolved and you'll have made the trip for nothing" Lindsay answered, not meaning to annoy them but feeling the need protective of her unit and their case.

"We'll be doing the interview" He assured.

"You can discuss that with Voight. I'm just here to fill you in on what we have" She said with a small smile. Turning their attention to the whiteboard she ran them through the victims and their causes of death along with everything they had on the Wolski brothers.

"It's definitely not a serial killer so we might just let you keep this one" The leader said, trying to quiet his colleagues whispers of disappointment.

"We just want to see it through" She said, hoping he knew what it was like to have a case stolen when all the hard work had already been done.

"You still have three other murderers to catch" He reminded.

"I'm sure we'll manage" Lindsay assured, confident Voight would get a confession from Alekto, along with the names of the other murderers.

"We might go check in at the hotel, call me when you've interviewed Alekto" He said, clearly impatient, reaching into his pocket to retrieve a business card to offer her.

"Alright" She nodded, accepting the card. Now she knew his name, David Forster.

"Nice to meet you detective" David said before guiding his team back downstairs. Relieved not to have to entertain them any further Lindsay rushed to find out how the unit were going. Burgess quickly explained that Alekto had taken his elderly neighbor hostage, Halstead was positioned ready to end things. It happened so fast, even the people there seemed confused over the radio. Halstead had been forced to take the shot, obliterating Alekto's shoulder rather than killing him. They needed the information he had and it worked in favor of the hostage as well. Then there was complete radio silence for what felt like forever. Four minutes later Atwater requested an ambulance, then Lindsay's phone started to buzz.

"We've got him, and names" Voight informed.

"Okay" She acknowledged. Then the call ended abruptly, that meant the ambulance had arrived and Voight had other things to do. Lindsay was ready to find the other murderers the second the unit returned with their names. After searching the names himself Voight was confident the three remaining murderers weren't immediately dangerous. He ordered everyone home for a good nights sleep, and greeted Kelly pleasantly when he arrived. Voight had made the phone call without thinking, between the two of them Erin stood no chance of refusing dinner and bed. It didn't stop her from being furious but all her arguments were forgotten the moment her head hit the pillow. With her stomach full, Shay sleeping peacefully and plenty of missed sleep to make up for she had no trouble drifting off. Finally satisfied that she was alright Kelly headed back to the firehouse, almost thankful he didn't have to endure another night of snoring.

**Yesterdays reviews had me grinning the entire time I was writing this. Thanks, I really appreciate it :D **


	62. Chapter 62

Erin stumbled into the kitchen, unable to sleep with such a wonderful smell wafting up the stairs. Kelly was standing shirtless at the stove, Shay on on his hip, spatula in hand. She stood watching them, moments like these made her especially thankful for her perfect little family.

"Mama!" Shay called when Erin approached.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you" Kelly apologised immediately.

"It's fine, I need food" She replied, taking Shay from him so she could say good morning. She felt as if she hadn't spent any time with Shay over the last few days, at least not while she was awake.

"I made pancakes, special celebratory bacon pancakes" He said proudly, stepping aside to show her the pancakes, cubes of bacon mixed into the batter to make amazing smelling, spotted pancakes.

"Celebratory?" She questioned, not sure exactly what they were celebrating.

"The case is finished isn't it?" He asked in response, suddenly worried.

"Not quite, we've still got three murderers to catch" She answered hesitantly.

"Oh" He groaned, not sure how much longer he could continue without her. From what he'd seen she wasn't eating or sleeping properly and now more than ever he felt the need to make sure was taking care of herself.

"Sorry" She said, feeling terrible for causing such a dejected look to spread across his face.

"Does that mean more late nights?" He asked, focusing on cooking rather than looking at her.

"Until we catch them" Erin nodded, moving closer so she could put a hand on his back. She kissed his shoulder then saw the stack of already cooked pancakes, desperately hungry.

"Alright" He shrugged, there was nothing he could do about it.

"Can I?" She asked, pointing to the pancakes.

"Of course" He replied, handing her a plate. She froze for a moment, conflicted, her favourite thing to do was smear peanut butter on pancakes, but these had added bacon.

"I'm pregnant" She said to herself as she retrieved the jar of peanut butter, and the strawberry jam and Nutella while she was there.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he watched her top a pancake with peanut butter, then one with jam and another with Nutella on top.

"I'm pregnant" She answered with a grin. "I just feel like it" She added as she cut into the stack for a first bite. The combination was exactly what she needed.

"You're crazy" Kelly laughed watching as the continued to stuff food into her mouth.

"It's so good! Try it" She insisted, holding out her fork for him.

"No thanks, I'm going to have butter on mine" He said, moving quickly to avoid the fork.

"Boring. Shay thinks it's good, don't you?" Erin defended.

"More" Shay demanded, reaching out to grab the forkful destined for her mothers mouth, shoving it in her own instead.

"You really should try it, the Nutella layer at least, it's the perfect combination of salty and sweet" She said, offering him one last chance.

"What's the perfect combination?" Katie asked as she entered the kitchen.

"Nutella and bacon" Erin informed, wondering how she was going to explain away the peculiar combination.

"I'll trust you on that one" Katie said, clearly unwilling to experiment.

"You two are so boring" Erin complained, adding another layer with more Nutella before moving to the dining room. Shay sat on Erin's lap, tearing off pieces for herself, getting sticky Nutella, jam and peanut butter all over her hands and face. Kelly and Katie followed a few moments later.

"She's going to need a bath!" Kelly laughed watching as Shay tried to brush her hair from her eyes, leaving a brown streak across her forehead.

"Is that peanut butter?" Katie asked, realising there was more on Erin's pancakes than just Nutella.

"Yep" Erin nodded, waiting to see if Katie was going to question it any further. Kelly quickly started a conversation about other things they could add to pancakes. It was obvious he was trying to divert attention from his wife's strange eating habits.

"I'll take our messy little monster" Kelly volunteered, kissing Erin's forehead before taking Shay, keeping her at arms length.

"I have to get to work" Erin said softly, she wished she could join them in the bathroom for a bubble fight, or on the couch for a lazy day in. Instead she cleared the table and dragged herself upstairs to get ready for work.

* * *

"Lindsay, just in time, want to help me get a confession?" Halstead asked as soon as Lindsay arrived.

"From?" She questioned, hesitant to face a violent murderer first thing in the morning.

"Arthur Bresnik, the Wolski's first customer - shot sixteen year old Penelope Lyons for absolutely no reason. Some uniforms picked him up trying to get an interstate bus out of Union Station" He replied.

"Alright" She agreed, noting that the room felt almost crowded with everyone back behind their desks.

"Can I use your desk then?" Burgess asked hesitantly. Voight had called Burgess and Roman up for the day but hadn't given them any orders yet. They stood out of the way waiting to be involved, Burgess had never been good at waiting and knew she could be of some use behind a computer.

"Sure" Lindsay nodded, they had two more murderers to track down and needed all the help they could get. Lindsay knew it was unrealistic but she really wanted to catch them before the end of shift, that way she could spend a whole day with Kelly and Shay. After a quick discussion with Halstead they settled on an interrogation strategy and went in to face Bresnik. They didn't have anything other than Wolski's word to go on, the ballistics report might be of use if they had found the murder weapon. Bresnik's lawyer tried to stall but in the end his client confessed - to manslaughter. He claimed he was simply making the most of an opportunity offered to him by a friend, Wolski had already abducted Penelope so there was no premeditation from Bresnik. It was enough to put him away for a long time so they saw it as a success.

"Anything on Curtis or Furling?" Halstead asked as they headed back out to their desks.

"Spencer Curtis is a woman" Burgess informed.

"So?" Lindsay asked, a little frustrated that neither Burgess or Roman were moving from behind her desk.

"So she's the one who killed India Gossman, and dismembered her body" Burgess explained looking horrified.

"Women kill people, and hack up bodies" Lindsay replied, clearly having no patience for stereotyping.

"She's new at this" Ruzek defended.

"Who names their daughter Spencer anyway?" Halstead asked, trying to diffuse the building tension.

"Mr and Mrs Curtis did, obviously" Lindsay snapped back.

"What up with you?" Antonio questioned, passing Lindsay on his way to his desk. He'd been downstairs running some ideas past Powell.

"Nothing" She replied, not even sure herself why she was suddenly feeling so angry. Taking a moment to calm down she grabbed a drink in the break room then set about getting her desk back, peacefully. "Can I have my desk back?" She asked, feeling no need to use manners.

"Oh, sorry" Roman said, moving quickly out of the way. Burgess gave Lindsay a challenging look then let Roman pull her up from the chair. Feeling considerably more settled in her own space Lindsay was able to get on with work. The whole unit worked non-stop all morning, finally finding a recent address through Spencer Curtis' employer. One look at Voight told Lindsay she wasn't going to be accompanying them. At least she still had Owen Furling to find, taking her mind off the forced isolation. Halstead seemed to be the only one even slightly suspicious about it. Having Curtis in custody gave a morale boost and the unit were working rapidly and cohesively towards finding Furling as well. No one cared when dinner time rolled by and they still hadn't had lunch. Voight kept throwing Lindsay looks so she made sure he saw her eating a muesli bar. There was no way she was going home before everyone else, even if that meant working all night.

"Coffee" Burgess said, placing a cardboard cup on Lindsay's desk the way she had for everyone else. Frustrated didn't even begin to describe how Lindsay was feeling. Burgess knew she was pregnant, her behaviour proving she was more interested in her career than any friendship they had. Then, just when she was starting to think horrible things the familiar fragrance of a Chai latte reached her. Lindsay looked across at Burgess questioningly, a wink in response suggested she had completely misjudged the situation. One thing was certain though, Burgess was vying for her position in the unit. That made her a threat and as such she needed to be treated with caution.

"I've got him, Furling, he's driving across town, on Carlton Street right now but he's indicating to turn onto Twenty-Sixth" Powell informed, eyes fixed on the laptop screen.

"Let's go" Voight called, the unit snapped to action. "You can ride with me on this one" He added when he stopped before Lindsay, the only person not to have made a move.

"Okay" She nodded, even staying the car would feel more inclusive, especially since even Powell was heading out. The four vehicles split up, knowing that when they saw each other again they would be on top of Furling. Rather disappointingly Furling tried to play it cool, pulling over immediately when signaled by Burgess and Roman in their squad car. Lindsay and Voight watched from their heated seats as Antonio, Atwater and Halstead arrested him.

"Four murderers in forty-eight hours, that has to be a record" Voight said as they pulled out of the car space.

"I'm sure the Commander will be stopping by to personally thank you" Lindsay replied.

"Not likely, he doesn't come in person unless I'm in trouble. It's been a busy week" He commented, he'd rather come to dread the Commanders visits.

"It certainly has" She agreed instantaneously.

"So you won't argue when I tell you I don't want to see you until Tuesday at least?" He questioned, knowing he was pushing his luck.

"I didn't say that" She complained.

"Well too bad, I'm dropping you home and if you turn up before Tuesday I'll fire you" Voight threatened confidently.

"You wouldn't" She laughed, reminded of the empty threats he had used when she was a teen. He was constantly saying he'd drop her off on a street corner if he caught her doing the wrong thing, they both knew he'd become too attached for that. On her first night at the Voight's house he had given her a welcome to the family speech.

"I'm sure Burgess can replace you" He assured, silencing her for the rest of the drive.

"Thanks" She muttered out of obligation when he pulled up out the front of her house. Frustrated that he had brought Burgess into the conversation.

"Sleep well kid" He replied, almost apologetically, waiting until she was inside to pull away.

* * *

"I've missed this" Erin whispered as she looked over her shoulder to see Kelly staring blankly in her direction. He had started of watching her, she always looked happy when she slept, relaxed in a way she never was while awake. Then he had started thinking, or rather scheming and plotting.

"Me too" He agreed, pulling her across the bed so their bodies were firmly pressed together.

"We'll we have all day to make up for it" She grinned, twisting to face him before giving him a gentle kiss.

"Yeah..." He replied slowly and cautiously "about that..."

"Seriously?" She demanded, disbelief evident in her eyes.

"I'm really sorry" He apoligised knowing he had been the one complaining when she sacrificed family time for work, now he was the one skipping out.

"What's more important than time with me? And Shay and the baby?" She questioned, looking sad.

"Low blow" He complained, she was becoming much too good at using the baby against him.

"What are you doing then?" Erin asked, trying to move away to evidence her lack of support for anything other than spending the morning in bed together. He tightened his grip, not willing to let her go just yet.

"It's a surprise" He replied in barely a whisper.

"Please don't" She protested straight away, she had always hated surprises.

"You'll like it I promise" Kelly assured.

"How long do we have then?" Erin asked, raising her eyebrows hopefully.

"Plenty of time for that" He grinned, kissing her hungrily to make sure she knew just how much he hated how her work hours had kept them apart. The moment she was finally naked there was a thud against the door, then another.

"Is that knocking?" She questioned.

"Nope" He replied, pressing his lips to hers such that the room was silent. They could hear that it was Shay, awake. If her bedroom door hadn't stopped her theirs wouldn't last long either.

"It's my turn to make breakfast anyway" Erin concluded, pulling her pyjamas back on.

"I guess. Maybe we can pick back up after the surprise?" He suggested, only just resisting the urge to reach across and pull her back to bed.

"Of course" She agreed before pulling open the door to enthusiastically greet their daughter. He listened as they laughed their way down the stairs, smiling broadly as he took a shower then joined them for breakfast.

"Don't say a word!" Was the first thing she said when he returned after a few hours out organising the surprise.

"I wasn't planning on it, but if I was the word would be gorgeous" Kelly responded without needing to think, it was the only word even close to describing her.

"Shut up" She groaned, sinking further into the couch, hoping he would let it go.

"I'm serious" He said determinedly.

"I just haven't done any washing in a while and they're comfortable" She justified, running her hands down her legs.

"You can wear leggings anytime you want, no reasons or excuses necessary" He explained.

"Have I told you I love you?" She asked, feeling a ridiculous surge of gratitude only attributable to hormones.

"You have, but I still love hearing it" Kelly grinned, looking anxiously out the window. Erin almost wanted to get up so she could see what he was looking at, but that would indicate she was excited for the surprise he had planned.

"Good" She nodded.

"Ready for your surprise?" He asked, again looking to the window.

"I don't know, tell me what it is and I'll tell you if I'm ready" Erin proposed as a last minute escape option.

"Just come here" He laughed, grasping her hand firmly as he pulled her up.

"Okay" She answered, resigned to letting his surprise occur as he led her to the front door. Shay felt left out and followed along quickly. They stopped on the front landing, Kelly waiting for her to notice the difference. Erin scanned the yard then broadened her scan to the fence, footpath and beyond.

"I thought you might want these" He smiled, depositing a car key in her hand.

"What?" She asked, though she had already noticed the car in their driveway. A midsized SUV, the same blue as his old car, sat there, shiny and new.

"I love you" He reminded, before she could react properly.

"You bought a car?" She questioned unable to take her eyes off the car, she could see that the plastic wrap was still on the seats.

"Had to replace the one that failed to deliver you to our wedding" He justified.

"But..." She started, too shocked to form a full sentence.

"But I needed a new car and I decided to be practical. I have a family now, a growing one. It's the first time I've actually looked at safety features before buying a car. This model got the highest ratings in the class..." He shared, clearly pleased with his purchase.

"Kelly" She said, stopping his babbling without giving a definitive reaction.

"I know I should have talked to you about this" He apologised, worried that she still hadn't said anything.

"It's fine, its more than fine. This is great, like really great! I love it and I love you and it's blue. Thank you for thinking of us" She replied, babbling just as much as he was. Damned hormones almost had her crying.

"I think about you all the time" He said looking her dead in the eye. Feeling things getting too serious she cracked a smile.

"Can we go for a drive?" She asked excitedly.

"Of course" He said, producing his own set of keys."I thought Shay would like to help take the plastic off, it's kind of like unwrapping presents and she loves that" He explained as he scooped Shay up and carried her down to the car. Erin walked around the vehicle, looking it over critically before confirming her approval with a smile. She took photos as Shay tore at the plastic then they argued as he fitted her car seat. Then they could finally go for a drive.

"People like new car smell but its making me sick" She complained just as they made it onto the main road nearest their house.

"Do not vomit in my new car" He warned jokingly.

"Take me home then. Quickly" She replied, now that she had acknowledged the nausea is was much more intense.

"Really?" He questioned, though he was already indicating to turn around.

"Really" She assured, winding down her window fully to try to get rid of the smell of new plastic. Cold air blew into the car, her hair fluttering wildly in her face. Closing her eyes for a moment she ignored the wind and nausea, focusing on how wonderful her life was. Then a wave of nausea hit, she breathed through it, delighted by what it meant. A new car was great but nothing could compare to a new baby.

**Just a few of things to say:**

**\- I have absolutely no idea how the American legal system works so I'm using what I know of Australian law (I only did one semester of law at university so I'm definitely not an expert). My understanding is that the differentiation between murder and manslaughter is premeditation.**

**\- I love Burgess, Erin is just feeling a little uneasy and I'm writing her perception of the situation.**

**\- I know very little about cars, picture a Ford Escape/Nissan X-Trail/Toyota Captiva or similar... I had to Google American car categories and they seemed to refer to that type as midsized SUVs so that's what I went with. I hope it wasn't too confusing. **

**\- There is a cyclone heading in my direction. It is possible I will lose power, don't think I've given up on this story if I don't update for a few days! **


	63. Chapter 63

"Go to work already" Erin complained, pushing Kelly to the edge of the bed.

"Do I have to?" He whined trying to resist.

"Yes" She said as she gave an unexpected shove, he only just caught himself before hitting the floor.

"I've barely seen you all week and now I'm the one who has to go to work" He protested as he straightened up.

"Barely seen me?" She laughed. "Last night? Earlier this morning? Did you have your eyes closed?"

"Not what I meant" He answered seriously.

"We can't spend all day in bed, go get in the shower. I'm going back to sleep until Shay gets up" She informed, rolling over to tease him with her bare back.

"Twenty minutes of sleep?" He questioned fighting the urge to climb back into bed.

Yes, I expect you to get her breakfast then put her in bed with me and give her my phone" Erin explained, it definitely wasn't the type of parent she had planned to be.

"Nice" He replied harshly.

"You complain when I don't sleep!" She reminded.

"Why don't I just take Shay to Cindy?" He suggested in response.

"No, just wake me up when you leave" She ordered, pulling the covers up over her head as she curled up to sleep.

"You sure?" He asked, if he couldn't stay in bed with her the next best thing was knowing she was taking care of herself and the baby by resting.

"I need to spend time with her too" She said, her voice muffled by the blankets.

"Alright" He said as he closed the bathroom door.

* * *

Erin didn't expect him to actually go through with it, but when she woke up Shay was sitting there playing on the phone. Tiny tongue sticking out the side of her mouth in concentration. "Morning baby" Erin said as she reached across to pull her into a hug.

"NO!" Yelled Shay in response, hitting her mothers hands away to focus on the game.

"What are you playing?" Erin asked moving herself to sit up behind Shay instead. She watched quietly as Shay finished the level, setting a high score. "Yay" She clapped, trying to celebrate the small victory, then she took the phone before Shay could start the next level.

"Mama!" Shay complained trying to get the phone back. When she realised she wasn't going to get her way she threw herself back onto the bed for a full blown, kicking and screaming tantrum. Erin frowned then sat back to wait until Shay calmed down.

"I'm sorry baby" Erin apologised, resting a hand on Shay's stomach. Shay tried to roll away but Erin wouldn't let her, deciding the best solution was a good tickle. Squeals and tears of laughter were so much nicer. When Shay was smiling and happy again they got up. Shay joined Erin in the shower, fascinated by the way the soap foam was washed away by the stream of warm water. They dressed and went for a drive to Shay's favourite indoor play center.

Brightly coloured play equipment, padded for safety, filled the hall giving Shay endless opportunities for fun. Unlike the other mums who sat around to watch Erin liked to get involved, following Shay into the ball pit, onto the trampoline and down the various slides. Not to be unexpected given her parents and their occupations Shay was a thrill seeker. She was always looking for something semi-dangerous to do to test her strength and capabilities. This meant she favoured the same sections of the playground as the older children. Erin almost always had to step in to ensure Shay got a turn, this week however school had returned and there were no older children to compete with. After what felt like the millionth ride down the slide Erin decided it was time for a break. At the cafe she purchased a rainbow cupcake for Shay and a orange and poppy seed muffin for herself. Shay ate quickly, making a terrible mess then ran off to play again while Erin cleaned up.

"Oh, don't worry that's kind of my job" A teenage employee said as Erin wiped up the cupcake crumbs with a baby wipe.

"Couldn't help myself" Erin replied, cleaning up after Shay ate was such a habit by now.

"You're the cool mum" The teen commented as she moved to wipe over Erin's table.

"I am?" Erin asked, not sure what that even meant.

"Yeah, you don't just sit around" She smiled.

"I'm sure there are others" Erin shrugged not thinking it was nearly as uncommon as the employee did.

"Not really, we had a kid fall and break his arm last week and his mother didn't even move. Then she complained about not getting to finish her cheesecake" The teen recalled.

"I didn't think it was possible to break an arm in here" Erin said, standing up to get a better view of what Shay was doing. She definitely wasn't in immediate danger having shoved some of the ball pit balls down the front of her shirt, carrying them up to the top of the slide so she could roll them down one by one.

"The padding's great but it only goes so far" The employee nodded then noticed the added concern in Erin's eyes. "Your kid is fine, she won't break anything. It's when they're older and try to climb up the outside of the equipment that they break stuff."

"Yeah she's not big enough for that yet" Erin said, sitting back down.

"How old is she?" She asked, putting down her spray bottle for a moment.

"Almost two" Erin answered, it was strange to say, it felt like just last week she was saying almost one.

"She's really cute" The teen commented.

"I certainly think so, for now anyway. Wait until she throws a tantrum when I tell her we're leaving" Erin joked though it was quite possible seeing as Shay had been particularly sensitive all morning.

"Yeah, good luck with that. I'd better get going" She said with a small, sympathetic laugh.

"Of course" Erin nodded watching the teen move to clear a table across the room for a moment then turned her attention back to Shay. As Shay started to slow down, stopping to sit and rest on the stairs up to the slide, Erin saw her opportunity. "It's time to go home" She warned, Shay frowned a little.

"Mama look" Shay instructed, releasing a ball down the slide, then the rest all at once. They slid down together and collected the balls, Erin leading the way to the ball pit instead of the slide. Shay played some more then climbed out herself, looking tired.

"Ready to go?" Erin asked, Shay didn't protest and took her mother's hand, content to be led out of the building. Erin made sure the music was up nice and loud in the car, not wanting Shay to fall asleep quite yet. The plan had been to go straight home but the massive closing down sale signs on one of Erin's favourite baby clothes stores was grounds for a side trip. Shay tried to carry the basket as Erin made sensible selections, practice with Shay meant she focused on clothes that were easy to get on and off. And gender neutral. Keeping in mind the stacks of baby clothes they had at home she moved on to clothes for Shay. She spotted a pink and white spotted shirt with 'Big Sister' across the front in big bold letters and had to have it even before she saw the pink hair bows it came with. It was the perfect way to make the announcement. They joined the massive queue at the front of the store, by the time they reached the checkout Shay was sleeping, head resting on her mother's shoulder. Erin could have sworn Shay was twice as heavy when asleep but still managed to make her purchases and get everything to the car.

It was a close call getting inside, Katie jumped up from the couch the moment the door opened, offering to take the bag of assorted baby clothing. Erin thanked her but brushed off the offer, rushing upstairs to put Shay to bed. She was desperate for the bathroom as well so she tossed the bag onto the end of the bed. Then she got distracted by the need to do washing. Shay slept for half an hour, giving Erin plenty of time to sort washing. They had a quick lunch then Erin grabbed out a plastic table cloth, some paper and pots of finger paint. "Can you paint Daddy a picture?" Erin asked, pulling a one of Kelly's old shirts over Shay's head.

"Look" Shay announced a few minutes later, having covered the paper in brightly coloured hand prints.

"Beautiful, another?" Erin asked, replacing the painting with a new sheet of paper. Shay continued to paint, not only the paper but herself as well. "What's this one?" She asked, pointing to one with lots of yellow, red and green.

"Food" Shay answered.

"For Daddy?" Erin questioned, not sure Shay even understood what she was being asked.

"Yes" Shay answered, with great certainty.

"You're right" Erin realised suddenly. "Daddy likes food"

"Yes" Shay nodded. Erin left Shay for a moment to grab her phone, desperately needing to make a phone call. She dialed the firehouse, requested Chief Boden and waited on hold while checking on Shay, paint now tangled in her hair. After introducing herself she made her request. "Is there any way I can borrow Kelly for two hours tonight?"

"Two hours?" Chief Boden asked, clearly shocked by the request.

"One and a half?" She revised down.

"What's so important?" He questioned.

"Dinner" She answered hesitantly, it had been a great idea until she considered the technicalities.

"Okay..." Chief Boden replied, clearly unconvinced.

"I'll babysit, anytime" Erin offered, fearing she was losing her opportunity.

"I'll do what I can but no promises. What time do you want him?" He asked deciding that free babysitting and a night out with Donna was worth losing his squad lieutenant for a few hours. I was likely going to be another quiet night anyway.

"Seven" She answered, looking at the clock, surely she could make a decent dinner in that time. "Oh, and you have to convince him to stop by" She added, hanging up before he could disagree. "Katie" She called, grabbing Shay around the waist and putting the lids on the paint before making her way upstairs. Shay had turned to eating the paint so it was time to pack up the activity anyway.

"Yeah?" Katie called back moving from her bedroom into the hallway.

"One second" Erin said, stepping into the bathroom to turn on the bath, Shay still squirming in her arms. "Okay, I know it's your day off but I really need your help" She started.

"With?" Katie asked cautiously.

"I want to make dinner for Kelly" Erin explained.

"Sure, what do you have in mind?" Katie questioned, already smiling.

"I have no idea, that's why I need your help" Erin admitted, checking the bath.

"Great, I'll see what we have, plan a menu and make a shopping list" Katie grinned, rushing off down the stairs.

"Are you sure? You don't have to" Erin called after her. Slightly surprised that things were going to plan so far. An hour later she was sure she'd been too hasty. After a completely nausea free morning she had stupidly thought she would be fine all afternoon as well. When she was up to her elbows in pasta dough probably wasn't the best time to realise she could no longer stand the sight or smell of lemons, the key ingredient in the dessert Katie was making.

"That's not done yet" Katie commented when Erin balled up the dough and left it on the bench while she washed her hands.

"I know" Erin replied, breathing through her mouth to avoid the lemon.

"Well we're already behind schedule" Katie said, trying to be authoritative but not bossy.

"I'm really sorry, I'll be back in a sec" Erin apologised, rushing from the room. Katie was confused and concerned so after making sure the kitchen was safe she followed Erin upstairs.

"Are you okay?" Katie questioned when she found Erin sitting on the bathroom floor.

"Fine" Erin replied quickly though it was obvious Katie didn't believe her.

"Are you sure dinner's a good idea?" Katie asked, looking particularly worried.

"Of course, I'll be fine in a minute" Erin assured with a smile, already starting to feel a little better.

"I don't mean to be rude or nosy but...are you...?" Katie enquired gently, not even needing to use the word to be understood. It was the only explanation she could think of and she'd had suspicions for a while.

"I'm pregnant" Erin nodded, there was no point trying to hide it any more. Kelly had been dying to tell Katie since the day she'd moved in. Then she realised he had probably wanted to tell her himself and felt terrible.

"Congratulations! That's so exciting!" Katie grinned.

"It is, but I can't really deal with lemon at the moment" Erin explained.

"That's fine, I have a lemon free backup dessert" Katie said, her thoughts shifting from the news of another niece or nephew to the dinner.

"You don't have to do that, I'll be fine with it again in twenty minutes or so" Erin said quickly.

"It's no trouble. I haven't started cooking yet, I've just been juicing them" Katie shrugged.

"Really?" Erin questioned.

"Yep, you take it easy and I'll handle dinner" Katie answered.

"No, I'm good now" Erin said as got up, determined not to make Katie responsible for executing something that had been her idea. Together they made their way downstairs. Erin stopped and sighed when she saw Shay, having somehow pulled down their coats from the hooks near the front door. It had been silly to think Shay would stay on the couch, 'reading' the way she had been for the last half hour when the chance to cause trouble arose. "What do you think you're doing?" Erin asked as she approached.

"No" Shay replied, stepping back, something behind her back.

"What do you have?" Erin requested, hanging the jackets back up before turning her attention to the toddler.

"No" Shay repeated.

"Show me" Erin instructed firmly.

"No" Shay squeaked.

"Please" Erin added, Shay frowned knowing she couldn't resist that. She slowly brought her hands to the front, revealing Erin's car keys in one hand. "You can play with those" Erin laughed, picking up Shay to carry her through to the kitchen where she could keep a closer eye on her. Once Shay was settled Erin washed her hands and continued with the pasta dough, following Katie's directions to roll and cut it. Other than finishing the pasta Erin didn't really get to contribute much to the rest of the meal preparation, Katie refused to give her anything more difficult than stirring to do. It did give her plenty of time to play with Shay, then organise her dinner and get her ready for bed, the jangle of keys replacing any verbal interaction.

"Alright, we have twenty minutes to clean up and set the table" Katie announced when Erin came back into the kitchen after putting Shay to bed, it was quite early but she hadn't had much of a nap. Kelly would be arriving in half an hour, assuming Chief Boden played his part.

"What can I do?" Erin asked feeling terrible, the whole thing had been her idea but she'd hardly done anything to execute it.

"You can set the table while I wash up" Katie informed knowing Erin was anxious to do something meaningful.

"You don't trust me to wash dishes?" Erin asked, feigning hurt.

"I expect hand holding at this dinner so you can't have pruny fingers" Katie justified, trying to look deadly serious.

"Okay" Erin laughed, it was very strange logic but she wasn't really going to fight for the right to wash dishes. She gathered everything she would need to set the table and moved to the dining room, determined that everything look perfect.

"Oh no!" Katie said, as something made a thud in the kitchen, Erin rushed to see what had happened.

"What's wrong?" Erin asked, confused when she saw the pork roast looking perfect.

"We didn't buy cherry tomatoes" Katie informed, rifling through the fridge again.

"That's not so bad, surely we can go without" Erin shrugged, it was already so much more than she could have done on her own.

"I guess" Katie said, clearly disappointed to have put so much effort into a meal only to miss a component.

"We still have time. I'll run to the shops and grab some" Erin proposed.

"Okay" Katie agreed, nodding eagerly.

"Shay has my keys" Erin groaned not wanting to wake her by searching for the keys. Then she realised it was hardly a problem. They had two cars and Kelly still insisted on driving to work with Matt, meaning she could just grab another set of keys.

"You don't have long" Katie reminded as she followed Erin to the front door.

"Keep an ear out for Shay, I'll be back in no time" Erin smiled, not stopping as she made her way over to the new car and climbed in.

* * *

"Severide, can I talk to you for a minute?" Chief Boden requested the moment the squad guys threw in their cards to signal the end of another hand. Seven o'clock was ticking closer and he didn't want Kelly to be late for whatever Erin had planned.

"Sure" Kelly answered, jumping up to follow the Chief outside. "What's up?" He asked when the Chief didn't start speaking.

"I don't want you to worry but..." Boden started, only to be cut off by the alarm calling them to action. _ Squad 3, Truck 81, Ambulance 61 - Motor vehicle accident, two car collision, corner of Marlborough and 37th._

"Can it wait?" Kelly asked, ready to spring to action the moment the Chief dismissed him.

"It'll have to" The Chief gave in, Kelly ran off to get to work. Ninety-eight percent of the time Kelly Severide loved his job. Fatalities and familiar faces made up the two percent he hated. They arrived at the scene, Kelly didn't waste any time climbing out of the truck, he rushed towards the cars then stopped suddenly. His halligan slipped from his gloved hand, clanging on the road as he recognised one of the cars, his car, their car.

**Thought I'd lull you into a false sense of security before dropping a cliffhanger on you...**

**Cyclone update: Everything is fine weather wise for the time being. It is flooding over the next few days that poses the most threat to me personally - we were flooded in 2011. And of course the 100+ km/h winds that they're predicting over the next few days could cause issues with powerlines. **


	64. Chapter 64

"Severide?" Capp asked almost running into the lieutenant who had stopped right in front of him.

"No" Kelly answered softly, starting to move, gaining speed as he neared the car, unable to see inside because of the airbags. He yanked the passenger door open and climbed in, first checking the backseat then turning to his unconscious wife. There was no time to acknowledge the relief he felt when he saw that Shay wasn't in the vehicle. "Erin?" He asked, though she was clearly unconscious, blood pouring down the side of her face.

"Don't move her" Mills said quickly as Kelly reached across, he pulled his hand back in response, not wanting to make things any worse than they already were. The young paramedic slid along the back seat until he was right behind Erin then set about stabilising her neck and sitting her up straight. Then he pressed a dressing into the cut on her head. "Hold this" Mills instructed leaving Kelly alone to see what was holding up the extrication. The pressure Kelly was applying wavered as the entire car shifted, the squad and truck team were towing the other car out of the way, freeing access to the drivers side of the car. Erin's blood had soaked through the dressing making Kelly too impatient to wait, he positioned himself carefully and started kicking at the door. It was badly crumpled and he made barely any progress until the squad guys started prying it open from the outside. The door opened and Kelly moved back, watching as they freed Erin and pulled her onto a spinal board, Brett started to bandage a fresh dressing around her head as they moved to the ambulance. She was free but Kelly suddenly found himself unable to move, shock getting the better of him. Casey appeared at the door, his mouth moving but making no sound, at least nothing audible over the pounding heartbeat in Kelly's head. Realising his words were having no effect Casey grabbed Kelly by the jacket and pulled him out of the car, dragging him towards the ambulance.

"Sir, stay sit still" Herrmann yelled drawing Kelly's attention to the other vehicle for the first time. Filled with rage he fought against Casey's grip, determined to find out what had caused the accident, Erin couldn't have been at fault given the positioning of the stop sign. Erin. He turned to look at the ambulance and knew it was more important to be with her. Mills and Brett had done what they could to prepare her for transport, pulling away the moment Kelly was seated in the back. Lights flashing and sirens blaring.

"She's going to be alright" Brett assured.

"What?" Kelly asked, the ability to communicate returning now that he could watch Erin's heart rate on the monitor, slow but even.

"She's going to be okay" Brett repeated, not sure she shouldn't be treating Kelly for shock.

"And the baby?" He asked, not having remembered their unborn child until now.

"She's pregnant?" Brett questioned, looking concerned.

"Yeah" He nodded, waiting for Brett to do something to check the baby. When she didn't do anything other than increase the IV flow rate he got annoyed. "Do something" He requested.

"I can't, we'll be at the hospital soon, they have the right equipment" Brett informed sympathetically.

"Do something. Please" Kelly pleaded.

"Mills ETA?" Brett called.

"Two minutes" Mills responded, swerving wildly to increase their speed. The transition from ambulance to emergency room was surprisingly smooth, Brett and Mills conveyed medical jargon to the doctors and nurses while Kelly tried to keep up. His uniform the only reason he was allowed in with her. He stood at the end of the bed, grasping her foot while trying to pay attention as the medical team methodically assessed her injuries.

"Laceration to the head" The doctor in charge said from his position at her head, peeling back the bandage to reveal the cut. Starting just off center, following her hairline for a few inches then disappearing backward into her hair at a right angle, still bleeding heavily.

"Doesn't seem to have any broken ribs and there are no obvious signs of internal bleeding" A nurse conveyed, cutting away Erin's shirt. Now the male doctor was flicking his his torch across her eyes.

"She's pregnant though" A young female doctor said, feeling Erin's lower abdomen carefully.

"Did they say how far along?" The male doctor asked, it would determine their course of action.

"Ten weeks" Kelly contributed quickly.

"Hmm" The male doctor said, a completely noncommittal noise that Kelly didn't know how to interpret. "Hang a bag of blood and get her up to radiology for a head CT" He instructed. A nurse rushed off to execute the commands.

"But the baby?" Kelly asked.

"There's nothing we can do, what happens happens, she's our priority" The male doctor answered. "Who are you anyway?" He questioned looking up at Kelly for the first time.

"She's my wife" Kelly informed.

"Then you can't be in here" The male doctor snapped harshly, looking scathingly at the nurse who he had decided was responsible for Kelly's presence.

"We need to check the extent of her head injury but her vitals look good" The female doctor said to Kelly, making eye contact and placing a hand on his arm reassuringly. After a moment of silence she tried to guide him through the curtain.

"You need to do something to check the baby" Kelly said firmly, refusing to move.

"We'll get a sonographer to have look when we know your wife is alright. It's too early to do anything though" She said, applying more pressure to his arm in order to get him moving.

"But..." Kelly argued weakly.

"Go through to the waiting room, I'll come get you the moment she's back" The female doctor instructed calmly, pulling to the side as the orderlies arrived to take Erin.

"Okay" Kelly accepted taking one last look at his dreadfully pale wife before allowing the doctor to walk him to the waiting room doors. He stepped out into the dull grey, completely silent, room and leaned against the wall while he tried to process everything. Struggling to stay upright he slid to the floor before pulling out his phone. He didn't look up when a phone started ringing at exactly the same time he started calling, there were dozens of people and it had to be a coincidence.

"How is she?" Hank Voight croaked sliding down next to Kelly.

"How did you?" Kelly asked, taking the phone from his ear to end the call.

"I have eyes everywhere" Voight answered mysteriously, usually Kelly would have questioned what he meant but right now he couldn't have cared less.

"She's alright, they're doing a scan of her head" Kelly explained.

"Is she conscious?" Voight questioned, not sure how worried he should be.

"Nope" Kelly replied.

"The baby?" Voight asked next.

"No idea" Kelly shrugged, angry and confused that the doctors hadn't done anything. He understood that Erin was their priority, and he knew they could always have another. He didn't want other children though, he wanted this one, the one he talked to, kissed and held his hand over protectively - he loved it so much already.

"I guess we wait then" Voight concluded, shifting into a more comfortable position, there were plenty of empty chairs but he didn't want to leave Kelly alone on the floor. Kelly nodded in response before resting his head in his hands. They waited impatiently, Kelly tapping his foot while Voight repeatedly clicked the pen he'd found in his pocket. Each annoying the other but too preoccupied with thoughts of Erin to comment.

"That's you" Voight said when Kelly didn't move to answer his phone, too deep in thought to hear it ringing. By the time he picked it up off the floor it was too late. He didn't get a chance to see who it was before the phone started to ring again, Katie's name flashing on the screen.

"Katie?" Kelly answered, it wasn't the best way to start a phone call but he could be forgiven considering the circumstances.

"Hey" Katie said softly, when Kelly didn't say anything she did. "It's Erin, she went to the shops half an hour ago and she still isn't back, I'm a little worried. And you're supposed to be here by now too. What's going on? We've been working all afternoon. I think it was going to be a surprise but we made you dinner. We were missing cherry tomatoes so she dashed to the shops. Is she with you?" Katie rambled clearly anxious.

"Cherry tomatoes?" He asked seemingly absorbing the least important piece of information from the call. Erin had nearly died and their baby might well have, for cherry tomatoes.

"Yeah" Katie answered, sounding uncertain.

"She had a car accident" Kelly said after a moment, getting up to walk away from Voight. Hoping pacing would soothe the growing pain in his chest.

"What? No. Is she okay?" Katie questioned, her excitement instantly replaced by concern.

"I don't know" He answered honestly.

"What can I do?" Katie asked, sounding panicked.

"I don't know, nothing, you've done enough." He answered. "What were you thinking? Were you even thinking? She's pregnant. Freaking tomatoes. I don't even like tomatoes. She's pregnant!" Kelly ranted finding it easier to blame Katie than think rationally.

"Kelly..." Katie started but he was too angry to listen to her excuses, he hung up, looking long and hard at the electronic device in his hand. The more he thought about it the more he regretted everything he'd said.

"Feel better now?" Voight enquired, appearing behind Kelly.

"Shut up" Kelly replied. Voight was a little shocked but didn't let it show. Kelly tried to ignore the older man's presence as he hit redial and waited, frustrated when Katie didn't answer.

"You should probably go apologise" Voight recommended when Kelly shoved the phone into his pocket furiously after a second and third attempt.

"What? Go? No" He argued immediately, settling on the edge of the nearest chair. Of course he knew he would have to deal with the repercussions of his own stupidity eventually, he wanted to know that Erin was going to be alright first though.

"Go apologise" Voight insisted.

"Don't tell me what to do" Kelly said as he stood again, stepping forward intimidatingly, he was bigger than Voight and so emotionally charged he might just resort to settling the disagreement physically.

"Go home, apologise, change into something comfortable. It's going to be a long night" Voight tried to reason, not at all threatened.

"I can't leave her" He said, flopping back into the chair. He felt useless waiting around, talking to Katie was something he had to do, the sooner the better.

"Go" Voight instructed, handing over his car keys. "I'm parked in the drop-off zone out the front."

"Fine" Kelly gave a quick nod and pulled himself up, the sooner he left the sooner he could get back.

* * *

"Katie" Kelly called the moment he stepped through the front door, all the lights downstairs were off. He couldn't help but smell that they had been cooking, he wanted for it to make him angry but instead he just felt sad. The light escaping around the edge of her bedroom door indicated Katie was awake so Kelly didn't hesitate to knock. "Katie, can I come in?" He asked gently.

"No" She called back, even through the door he could tell she'd been crying.

"Please? I'm really sorry" Kelly apologised, worried by the the thumping and thudding of drawers and cupboards opening and closing.

"Well you don't need to be. I do! You're right, it was my fault" Katie said, pulling the door open forcefully enough that it slammed into the wall. She pushed past him, headed for the stairs as Kelly noticed the drawers hanging open. Empty.

"No it wasn't, where are you going?" He called as he followed her downstairs, grabbing at the bag she was carrying. Even lugging all her belongings she was still moving too quickly for him to catch. Halfway down the front stairs he heard Shay's screams, she'd been startled awake by the commotion and had by now discovered she was alone. He rushed back into the house and up the stairs finding Shay crying on their bed, snuggled up on Erin's pillow. "Come here baby" Kelly whispered, moving onto the bed to calm Shay. Something plastic crumpled underneath him but he didn't even try to investigate until Shay had stopped crying. He couldn't tell what it by feel so he flicked on the bedside lamp. Grasping a pink and white spotted shirt he flipped it, the words on the front were too much. Holding Shay even tighter he let himself cry, just for a moment, as he reflected on how close he had been to buying an older model car. He had made the right decision and the safety features had saved her. Erin was alive and he was wasting time, he moved to get up then spotted something blue and yellow hanging out of the bag. Curiosity overcame him and he pulled it out, a tiny coverall with a white rabbit embroidered on the front. He dropped it as soon as he realised what it was, springing back as if it was electrically charged. Not thinking about it was easier. "Let's go see Mama" He said to Shay, who was dozing in his arms. Stopping in Shay's room he shoved some things into a bag for her, grabbing her favourite blanket from her bed and finding Erin's keys in the process. Driving Erin's car meant he wouldn't have to mess around with Shay's car seat, something he didn't have the patience for at the best of times. He used the drive to the hospital to prepare himself. Erin and Shay needed him, now more than ever, to be strong.

"I take it things didn't go well" Voight commented when Kelly walked into the waiting room with Shay.

"Have you heard anything?" Kelly asked, ignoring Voight's comment as he dropped the bag to the floor.

"I can take her" Halstead volunteered, looking at Shay. Kelly hadn't even noticed the familiar faces in the room until that moment. The entire intelligence unit and most of his colleagues from the firehouse sat nearby, all looking as concerned as he felt.

"Thanks" Kelly nodded, handing the sleeping toddler over without a second thought. He pulled a blanket from the bag and draped it over Halstead's shoulder, protecting Shay's face from the harsh light.

"It shouldn't be much longer" Voight said just as the female doctor burst through the doors. Kelly recognised her immediately and moved towards her, meeting each other halfway. Voight followed quickly while everyone else stayed put, expressions shifting from concerned to hopeful.

"You probably want to see this" The doctor said excitedly, holding open the door for them. They followed her unquestioningly along the corridor to the curtained off section where Erin lay. A sonographer stood over her, looking intently at the screen, the sound of a steady thudding heartbeat filling the space. Kelly moved to Erin's free side, grasping her hand as he watched and listened to the tiny hear beating away just as it was supposed to. He was happy enough to cry. Voight gave Kelly a manly thump on the back, blinking away the tears that formed in his own eyes.

**I love to write Voight as a big softie! This chapter was all over the place and took a whole heap of writing, editing and rewriting before I was satisfied. There was so much I wanted to happen - I especially liked writing the scene with Kelly in their bedroom looking at Erin's purchases. Unfortunately making him fight with Katie was the only thing I could think of to get him home!**


	65. Chapter 65

Kelly refused to leave her side from that point on. He listened intently as her doctor explained that it was up to her now. She could wake up at any moment, tonight or next week. Kelly knew one thing for sure, he would be there when she did. An obstetrician stopped by to discuss the baby's health, cautiously optimistic but also warning that only time would tell. They wheeled Erin up to a room on a ward, Kelly and Voight settling in for a long night. After about an hour Voight got up to go find coffee, thinking he'd stop by and see who was still in the waiting room. Most people had given up for the night, he didn't blame them. Those who remained were happy to hear that Erin was alright and demanded phone calls when she was up for visitors. Halstead had stretched out across three chairs, sleeping heavily with Shay snuggled on his chest. Voight tried to wake him, but that only seemed to make Shay wriggle so he gave up, straightening her blanket before continuing on to the cafeteria.

Kelly watched Erin hopefully, whispering to her now that they were alone. "You've got to wake up now or you'll miss work, I know you'd hate that. And there's always Shay to consider, she's sleeping now, I think, but in the morning she's going to want to see you, awake. You know I need you too, and the baby, but I think it's enjoying the bed rest. You've been doing way too much lately. Dinner tonight, that was a good idea, I don't know how you were planning on getting me off shift. If that's what this was, some elaborate plan to get me away from work then it you definitely pulled if off! Sorry. I'd say just about anything to get you to wake up" He finished, just as Voight returned.

"Here you go" Voight said as he handed over a steaming cup of coffee.

"Thanks" Kelly replied, swapping the hand he was using to hold Erin's so he could drink properly.

"Did I miss anything?" Voight questioned, though it was fairly obvious he hadn't.

"No" Kelly sighed as they settled back into a comfortable silence. "Did you see Shay?" He asked as he stood to dispose of his empty coffee cup, unable to sit still a moment longer. He felt terribly neglectful to have just handed her to Halstead and run off.

"She's sleeping on Halstead, they're both fine" Voight informed, leaning as far back as he could.

"Okay" Kelly accepted, feeling a little less like a terrible parent.

"Don't worry I'm sure he'll find us the moment she wakes up" Voight assured.

"Probably" Kelly laughed, at least Halstead was a familiar face to her. Silence again. Not for as long though.

"You know you don't need to worry about Erin, she's tough" Voight said watching Kelly instead of Erin for a moment.

"She's not invincible" Kelly replied carefully, it was hard to admit.

"Pretty damned close though, the way she bounced back as a kid. I've seen people who let a childhood like hers drag them down for their whole lives" Voight beamed, clearly proud of Erin. Kelly took a moment to think, realising he had never spoken with Voight about Erin as a teen.

"Why did you take her in?" Kelly asked, slightly more abruptly than intended.

"She had potential, bucket loads of potential. All she needed was someone to care, that's not hard, she made it so easy. And my wife loved her, that certainly helped" Voight answered.

"Hmm" Kelly nodded, his wife was an expert at overcoming adversity. He just wished she'd overcome this setback faster. He ached to see her eyes light up when she smiled. As if feeling his desperation her fingers moved in his hand. Kelly shifted forwards immediately, opening his hand to see the ever so slight movement. Voight noticed the change too, sharing a quick,hopeful look with Kelly when her head flopped to the side. "C'mon Erin, just open your eyes" Kelly coaxed, moving his fingers against hers. It took a moment but her eyes fluttered open, only to be scrunched closed again, the light too bright for her. Her heart rate increased as she she cracked one eye open, looking straight at Kelly, clearly unfocused. Erin let out a deep breath as she closed the eye slowly then seemed to drift back to sleep. Tired and a little disappointed Kelly released her hand and got up to pace.

"It's progress" Voight said encouragingly.

"I know" Kelly answered, almost running into the nurse in his distracted state. Margo, the nurse assigned to conduct Erin's hourly observations, was pleased to hear she had regained consciousness, even if it was only very briefly. She assured both worried men that it was a good sign then left them to monitor her, requesting they press the call button if she made any sign of waking. It was well after midnight when she started to stir again, moving both her hands to pull the sheets into tight fists. A tiny whimper of pain was all it took to have both men on their feet. Kelly rubbing circles on the back of her hand while Voight raced off to get a doctor. "It's okay, I'm right here" Kelly soothed trying to loosen her incredible grip. Her eyes opened, watering as they adjusted to the light and blinking rapidly. After a quick look around she released the sheet, her right hand flew to her stomach as her left reached up to clutch her head.

"Argh" She groaned as the intense pain in her head flared.

"It's okay, the doctor's on his way" Kelly said softly, not sure what he could do to help.

"The baby? Is the baby?" She asked, concern fighting through the pain.

"It's fine" He nodded quickly.

"Are you sure?" She questioned, looking at him as if he'd told a blatant lie.

"Yes" He promised, reaching up to cup her cheek with his hand.

"But...the baby" She managed before letting her hand fall from her head, it was too much. All she wanted was for sleep to take the pain away. Her whole body seemed to relax as Kelly started stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"Stay awake" Kelly demanded when her eyes closed.

"Erin, Erin can you open your eyes for me?" The doctor requested as he rushed into the room, closely followed by Voight.

"Why?" She asked, still conscious after all.

"I just need to see that you can" The doctor explained.

"Is my baby alright?" She questioned, opening her eyes to look at the doctor. The pain returned, stronger than before, she tried to ignore it focused on the doctor.

"Yes" The doctor answered quickly.

"Is it really?" She asked, trying desperately to sit up.

"Erin, the baby is fine" Voight said firmly, stepping past the doctor to lay a hand on her shoulder. She started to cry, curling into a tight ball and grasping his hand with both of her own.

"Please don't lie" She managed between sobs, Kelly had moved onto the bed behind her, rubbing her back gently.

"Erin, how much pain are you in? Out of ten with ten being the worst?" The doctor asked needing more information before he could determine an appropriate response. He wasn't sure if she was crying because her head hurt or because she was concerned for her baby.

"Six" She answered after a long pause.

"Erin" Kelly scolded, it clearly wasn't the truth.

"Eight" Erin conceded. "But my baby" She said, the hopelessness and pain in her voice indicated she was fighting to speak at all.

"Okay, I'll get you something for the pain then we'll check the baby" The doctor decided, leaving the room as quickly as he had entered. Kelly and Voight made eye contact, both equally concerned about her behaviour as she continued to cry softly. Neither knew what to say or do so they just stayed as they were until the doctor returned. He injected something into the line of her IV then stepped back looking satisfied.

"Oh" Erin murmured after a few minutes, noticing that she could open her eyes without feeling like a truck was parked on her head.

"Better?" Kelly asked as she uncurled a little, releasing Voight's hand in the process.

"Better" She nodded, stopping when the movement caused a surge of pain.

"Everything is going to be okay" Kelly smiled, looking up to see the doctor had disappeared.

"Are you really sure?" She croaked, turning her attention to her flat stomach, there no way for her to know they were telling the truth.

"Of course, the baby is fine, and so are you. I promise" Kelly said, looking her straight in the eye, using his most serious expression and tone.

"Kid, why would we lie?" Voight asked, trying to reason with her. He understood she was scared but she wasn't beyond seeing logic.

"I don't know" She frowned. There wasn't a chance for her to construct an argument as the doctor returned, looking triumphant.

"Sorry to run off. This is a fetal doppler, so you can hear the baby's heart" He apologised and explained. She lifted the hospital gown without instruction, he stepped forward and got to work applying the gel before pressing the doppler probe to her stomach. He moved it slowly and carefully until a strong steady heartbeat could be heard. Tears of relief streamed down her face as she was finally convinced.

"I'm sorry" She said said, looking from Voight to Kelly. They didn't need an apology and were quick to dismiss the notion. The doctor showed her how to operate the compact device then left it on the side table along with the bottle of gel.

"Try to get some rest" The doctor added as he paused for a moment in the doorway. Kelly had wanted her awake so desperately but now that she was he could feel exhaustion creeping in. They tried to talk but couldn't think of anything meaningful to say. After half an hour of long silences, punctuated by yawns, Voight decided to head home. He promised he would be back first thing in the morning, leaving the couple to cuddle together on the narrow hospital bed. Erin eventually slept, Kelly holding her tightly to his chest. Even though he was thoroughly exhausted it took a long time to get to sleep, every time he closed his eyes he pictured her back in the car, feeling the same fear all over again. He had no choice but to open his eyes, take in every detail of her sleeping face, paying special attention to her deep, even breaths to calm himself. Then he would close his eyes and try again. Eventually getting to the point where he was too tired to open them again, he could feel that she was still there, still breathing. That was all that mattered, as long as he could feel her breathing he could sleep.


	66. Chapter 66

Kelly woke to the rapid thudding of their baby's heartbeat, smiling he looked down at Erin. Curled against him with her new favourite device in her hands, the screen reading a healthy one hundred and sixty-eight beats per minute.

"Just checking" She explained when she realised he was awake.

"Sounds good" He said proudly before wiping away the gel so he could place his hand there. The one place in the world it seemed to fit perfectly.

"Yeah" She nodded trying to smile. She looked away quickly, reaching across to put the fetal doppler on the side table.

"What's wrong?" He asked when she still didn't look at him as she settled back against his chest.

"Nothing" She answered quickly, he'd spent enough time worrying about her. He gave her a look and she knew he wasn't going to give up that easily. "I was just thinking...about what I'd do...what we'd do if...you know" She paused again, really struggling to find the words. Pausing frequently was the only way she could avoid letting the tears spill from her eyes. "If we hadn't been so lucky" She said at last, shifting awkwardly in the confined space so she could bury her face in his chest. He couldn't think of an appropriate response, he didn't want to think about that possibility any more than he already had.

"I love you" Kelly said after a long silence, kissing the top of her head softly.

"Even after I nearly killed our baby?" She asked looking him dead in the eye. He had to hold in a snort of laughter, only able to because of the pained expression on her face.

"It was an accident" He replied firmly.

"It's my job to protect our baby and I couldn't" She said sadly.

"Exactly. It was an accident. You couldn't possibly have prevented it"

"I suppose" She shrugged, not entirely convinced that he didn't blame her. It didn't make sense, she blamed herself, she had been the one driving. Inattentively. She'd been in such a rush to get the tomatoes, ridiculously excited for dinner. That had to have caused the accident.

"You weren't the one at fault, the other driver drove through a stop sign" Kelly explained quickly.

"Oh" She realised, guilt lessening straight away.

"What do you remember?" He questioned.

"Not much" She realised, trying to think back to the exact moment everything had gone wrong. "I was just driving and then there was light, lots of it. Then nothing" She said, her headache peaking as she forced herself to remember the moment of impact.

"You hit your head pretty hard" He reminded, looking down at the clean white bandage, it made her look ten times more vulnerable, not that she looked vulnerable at all most of the time. Memories resurfaced and he was forced to shake his head to get rid of the awful sight, back in the car, blood everywhere. He wished he could erase those images from his mind, he never wanted to see her like that again.

"Yeah" She breathed heavily, allowing herself to acknowledge the pain for the first time. It wasn't nearly as bad as it had been in the middle of the night. When she looked up his expression matched what she was feeling, he quickly assumed a neutral face.

"Is it hurting?" He asked, letting concern flood his voice. Certain she was in pain when the beginnings of a frown formed on her face.

"A little" She answered, honest but vague.

"I can go get the doctor" He offered, dragging his arm out from under her so he could sit up.

"No need for that. How are you feeling Miss Lindsay?" A doctor asked as he entered the room, wearing a crisp white coat.

"Mrs Severide" Erin corrected without thinking, it just slipped from her mouth. It felt right though.

"I'm very sorry" The doctor apologised, moving to the end of the bed to consult her chart.

"Don't be. We haven't been married very long and I've been lazy with the paperwork" She explained, trying not to laugh at Kelly's confused expression. "And I'm feeling fine" She added.

"Good to hear, you're due for more pain relief shortly" The doctor commented.

"Okay" She accepted gladly, Kelly pulled her closer absolutely hating that she was in pain.

"It's just your head?" The doctor questioned, eyes flicking between Erin, Kelly and the chart.

"My neck is a little sore too" She mentioned hesitantly, she didn't wan to lie to the doctor but Kelly was already too worried.

"That's to be expected. Can you describe the pain in your head?" The doctor requested.

"Um...I don't know, its a mix between feeling like it's about to explode and like something is crushing it. Dull and constant" She attempted, feeling as if she was missing the necessary vocabulary.

"Alright, anything else?" The doctor asked, finished his assessment. Pain management was all he could really do at this point.

"When can I leave?" She asked, purposefully avoiding looking at Kelly, she knew he'd be scowling.

"Erin" Kelly groaned, letting his head flop back to the pillow in exasperation.

"No seriously, I just want to go home" She tried to reason with him before turning her attention to the doctor, letting him know she was serious.

"I'll consult the neurologist that looked after you last night and the obstetrician, but I personally want you to stay another night at least. Just to be safe" He said gently, watching disappointment settle on her face.

"Hmmph" She complained.

"You didn't just ask to go home" Voight croaked, already frowning as he appeared in the doorway.

"She did" Kelly nodded feeling as if he were dobbing in an annoying classmate.

"I'll organise some breakfast too" The doctor informed, feeling like he was crowding the room.

"Thank you" Erin was sure to add as he left.

"So you're feeling well enough to go home?" Voight questioned as he took a seat.

"Definitely" She answered, undeterred by Kelly's response, sliding out from behind her to leave her alone on the bed.

"But she's going to stay" Kelly informed determinedly. "For the baby" He added, wondering if the guilt tripping worked both ways. Her glare told him it did.

"Halstead and Shay are still sleeping" Voight informed, more to Kelly than Erin.

"What?" Erin demanded, clearly missing something. She had assumed Shay was home in bed, with Katie keeping an eye on her.

"Halstead was looking after Shay, just watching her sleep really. But then he fell asleep and I couldn't wake him without waking her as well" Voight explained.

"Where?" She questioned, frustrated that he hadn't given her all the information she needed.

"Out in the waiting room" He answered quickly.

"Why couldn't she just stay home with Katie?" She asked, though the look on Kelly's face told her that was impossible.

"Katie and I had a bit of an argument" He said softly, preparing himself for the inevitable backlash of his stupidity.

"About?" Erin questioned looking to Voight to determine that he already knew what Kelly was talking about.

"Something stupid" Kelly answered, not wanting to go into detail.

"Me?" She asked.

"Yes" He nodded, feeling as if he needed to defend his wording. She definitely wasn't stupid.

"And?" She prompted expectantly.

"And she packed her stuff and left" He explained.

"Please tell me you didn't blame her" Erin said hopefully though she was quite sure she had read him correctly.

"I was just so worried, and angry" He tried to justify.

"You're an idiot" Erin said, her tone suggesting it was something he should have known by now.

"Yeah" Kelly nodded, he'd been trying not to think too much about it. Hoping he hadn't permanently damaged the already complicated relationship he had with his only sibling.

"Go get Shay for me, then you have to go find Katie and apologise" She instructed, though she made sure he knew there was no point in arguing.

"I tried to apologise" He said, wondering if that would make Erin's response less harsh.

"Kelly" She replied simply. He nodded.

"I'll just stay here" Voight smiled, content to sit back in his chair and sip his coffee. Kelly left the room, passing the nurse in the hall. He returned a short time later with Halstead, carrying Shay who continued to sleep, completely oblivious to the turmoil of the night.

"Hey" Halstead said softly as he entered the room, relieved to see his partner looking relatively well.

"Thank you" Erin replied as he gently placed Shay in her arms. The first thing Erin did was kiss Shay's forehead, thankful just to be able to hold her.

"No problem" He smiled, stepping back carefully to stand beside Voight. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine" She answered, the medication was starting to kick in and she actually felt well enough to get up and go home.

"Good" He acknowledged, he hadn't seen or heard enough to know how serious the crash had been so he hadn't known what to expect.

"Jay" Erin said slowly, intriguing him.

"Yeah?" He questioned noting the seriousness of her tone.

"I'm pregnant" She announced swiftly and evenly, taking the three men by surprise.

"Oh...Okay. Congratulations" He smiled as he quickly overcame the shock, to be honest he'd had suspicions. There was no other logical explanation for her compliant desk work and aversion to coffee.

"Does that mean I can tell people?" Kelly questioned.

"I don't really see the point in waiting anymore" She smiled.

"You hit your head pretty hard kid, you had to be waiting for a reason" Voight interjected, slightly concerned by her sudden candour.

"I didn't want people to know in case something happened, and it did. And we both survived" She explained, holding Shay's tiny hand with one of her own, the other resting over the baby.

"Fair enough" Voight concluded.

"Alright, you have to go find your sister" She instructed, pointing to Kelly. "You need some breakfast, and I mean proper food not just coffee. Go home for a sleep and a shower while your at it, I'm pretty sure that's Shay's dribble on your shirt. I'm fine" She said as she shifted her attention to Halstead. "You can stay and keep me company" She finished with Voight.

"You sure you're okay with Shay? I can take her with me" Kelly offered.

"No, that would be a distraction and an excuse! Get going" Erin ordered sternly.

"Love you" He whispered as he leaned down to kiss her cheek, deciding at the last minute against aiming for her bandaged forehead. She raised her eyebrows, watching him closely as he crossed to the door.

"When are you getting out?" Halstead asked when Erin gave him a questioning look, wondering why he was still standing there.

"Halstead" Voight said warningly, glaring at the young detective.

"Tomorrow morning" Erin answered before Voight could kick Halstead out of the room.

"I can organise all your visitors for this afternoon" Halstead said, she loved that having visitors wasn't optional but that when they arrived was.

"Okay, but you should probably check with the nurses first" She suggested.

"I'll work it out, nurses love me" He said with a boastful smile as he left the room.

* * *

Erin was shocked when it turned out that Halstead's 'all your visitors' turned out to mean almost all the people she knew. The intelligence unit including Nadia as well as Platt, Burgess and Roman arrived shortly after two o'clock.

"Is everything okay?" Burgess asked, completely lacking subtlety. Thankfully their colleagues saw it as as a social gathering and were deep in conversation, laughing and joking.

"Yeah it's fine" Erin assured wondering how she was going to tell everyone. She didn't have to wait long for an opportunity to present itself.

"What the heck is this?" Ruzek asked, holding up the fetal doppler, flipping it in his hands to try and discern a function.

"Umm" Erin started, wondering if she should redeploy the direct approach she'd used with Halstead. Her chance was snatched away as Shay entered the room, proudly wearing her new shirt. 'Big Sister' emblazoned across the front.

"What?" Platt demanded immediately, never having been one to hold back if there was something on her mind. A stunned silence filled the room as expectant eyes fell to Erin.

"Yeah...Kelly?" Erin asked turning everyone's attention to her husband when he entered the room, a little surprised to see everyone.

"You said I could tell people" He grinned hoping she wasn't annoyed.

"I did, I just didn't expect you to tell everybody so quickly" She laughed, bracing herself as congratulations and well wishes started to flow.

"I still don't get this" Ruzek said loudly, holding the doppler upside down and back to front.

"Hand it here" Erin requested, deciding that showing him was the easiest way to explain. It helped that she was incredibly proud, the heartbeat one of the most comforting noises in her world. She expertly maneuvered the probe locating the heartbeat in no time.

"That's awesome" Ruzek enthused.

"Pretty cool" Atwater agreed before turning his attention back to Shay, laughing so hard tears streamed down her face at the faces he pulled.

"Amazing" Nadia contributed.

"Incredible" Burgess felt the need to add, not wanting to be left out. The others did have a chance to comment as more visitors arrived, this time from firehouse 51. Sharing the baby's heartbeat had been alright with her closest family members but now it seemed strange so she was quick to put the device aside. Focusing on thanking each of them for coming, it certainly made her feel special. Herrmann even brought get well cards illustrated by his children. While she hated being in hospital, and wished that the accident hadn't happened, it provided a great opportunity for everyone to catch up. They all knew it wouldn't be long before they'd be at the hospital to welcome the Casey baby.

"I'm sorry I'm going to miss the baby shower tomorrow" Erin apologised to Gabby.

"That's fine, you just get better" Gabby said, happy to be able to sit down for a moment.

"I will" Erin assured.

"You've got good timing though, if you have a boy we can give you the clothes he's outgrown" Gabby said rubbing her hand across her massive belly, Erin was certain Shay had been born before she'd gotten that big.

"Still not going to tell me his name?" Erin asked hopefully, she'd been guessing ever since they'd revealed the gender.

"No way, you made us wait for Shay" Gabby reminded.

"True" Erin sighed, already starting to feel stressed about having to come up with a name for the new baby.

"What do you think you'll have though?" Gabby asked, unable to think of anything but babies.

"A healthy baby" Erin replied, not putting any serious thought into the question. "Hopefully" She added, the last twenty-four hours had taught her that nothing was certain.

"I'm sorry. You must've been so worried" Gabby empathised easily.

"Yeah" Erin nodded taking a moment to think as Matt arrived to take his wife home. The rest of the crowd decided to move their gathering to Molly's when visiting hours came to an end. Kelly gave a sigh of relief as he fell into the chair after handing Shay to Erin.

"That was nice" He commented as he yawned.

"It was" She agreed, starting to feel tired herself. "You two should go home" She suggested after a long silence, Shay entertaining herself feeling the oddly textured hospital blanket.

"She slept for an hour and twenty minutes after lunch so she'll be fine for a while yet. At least until you go to sleep" He informed.

"Just take her home, she's had plenty of excitement so she'll sleep after dinner, a bath and a story. You need sleep too" Erin argued, even though he'd spent time at home she knew he hadn't slept.

"I'm not leaving you" He said, refusing to leave her side again. After a morning of negotiations and apologies with Katie he had returned to the hospital briefly. Collecting Shay before going home for lunch and a shower as she napped.

"I'll be fine. I'm just going to sleep anyway" She reasoned.

"And eat" He corrected, willing to use anything to shift her focus from sending them home.

"I can do that alone too" She informed, increasingly frustrated.

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" He asked, not wanting her to be alone for a minute let alone all night.

"I'll be fine" She assured, trying to be patient, he was just being caring.

"Alright" Kelly accepted at last. "I love you" He said, kissing her softly before collecting Shay.

"I love you too" She replied. "Be good for Daddy" She said to the squirming toddler.

"We'll see you in the morning, first thing" He promised.

"Okay, bye" She farewelled, relaxing back to enjoy the silence. Family was great but her head hadn't stopped throbbing all day. Peace meant she could sleep, optimistic that the headache would be gone when she woke up.

**What did you think of the announcement? **


	67. Chapter 67

"I'm fine" Erin complained as Kelly rushed around the car to open the door for her. It was just after midday, convincing the doctor to discharge her had taken longer than expected. She was glad to be home now.

"I love you" He reminded, he'd used those three words at least a dozen times already, each time to justify being excessively cautious and helpful.

"And I love you but please calm down, the doctors wouldn't have let me come home if I wasn't alright" She explained, placing a hand on his arm to steady him as he shifted nervously, not sure whether to get Shay or Erin's bag first.

"I'm pretty sure you bribed them" He teased, hoping she knew that he was going to continue fussing for as long as he felt it necessary.

"I did not" She replied adamantly, snatching her bag from him before making her way up the stairs.

"Erin, let me help" He protested though he was too busy getting Shay to rush to her aid, not that she appeared to need any help.

"I'm still fine" She assured, waiting patiently at the front door. The night alone in hospital had given her plenty of time to think and she was glad to be well rested. It was going to be a long day if Kelly kept this up.

"Bed or the couch?" He asked as he unlocked the door.

"How about I do some washing?" She replied, coming across as deadly serious though she was just trying to annoy him.

"Erin" He whined.

"Kidding" She replied in the same long, drawn out manner. After dropping her bag and ditching her coat and shoes she made her way to the couch, rearranging the cushions and blanket for optimal comfort. Kelly handed her the remote, ordered her not to move then made his way to the kitchen. Taking Shay who had been complaining loudly about being hungry since the moment they'd left the hospital. Erin flicked through the channels then turned the television off, lying back to rest for a moment.

"I can help you up to bed if you want to sleep" Kelly said softly, placing the plate of food he had made her on the coffee table.

"No, I'm fine, just bored" She answered, opening her eyes to look across at him.

"Okay, you start eating, I'll get Shay to sleep then we can watch a movie" He outlined, handing her the plate.

"I want Shay" Erin replied, looking down at the food, not feeling even a tiny bit hungry. The nurses had forced her to eat all of her breakfast.

"She needs to sleep" He reminded gently.

"I know, she can sleep here, give me twenty minutes of quiet time to get her to sleep" She tried to bargain. He didn't appear to be considering it seriously so she gave him her best pathetic and pleading look.

"I know how you work, you won't let go of her once she's asleep on you" He replied, starting to think that was her plan.

"Would it be so bad to have her sleep through a movie?" She questioned.

"No, but you need to eat" He justified unconvinced that she wasn't trying to overdo things already. The doctors had tasked him with making sure she took things slowly and he wasn't taking that duty lightly.

"Kelly, please, I've been a terrible parent, not just because of the accident, before that with work as well" She pleaded, feeling stupid but knowing it would work.

"You have not been a terrible parent" He argued immediately.

"Please" She requested, her final word on the matter, it was up to him now. He took his time making the decision, testing her commitment to the idea by making her wait.

"Alright, but if it's more than twenty minutes I'm taking her up to her bed" He concluded when he realised she wasn't going to give up.

"Okay" She smiled as he went to get Shay, certain she would have finished her lunch by now. To keep him happy Erin made an effort to eat, or at least move the food around the plate so it looked like she had.

"One sleepy baby" Kelly said as he handed over Shay, putting Erin's plate on the coffee table, determined to make her eat more soon. Erin got Shay to sleep in record time, they argued over movie options briefly then settled on a thriller. Erin ate what she could, giving up the moment he gave a satisfied nod and supplied her painkillers - which had to be taken with food. Then Kelly finally let himself relax, she cuddled against him with Shay sleeping soundly across both their laps. He fell asleep just as the characters in the movie started to rob the bank. Erin got distracted watching Shay breathe and soon found herself asleep as well."I can't leave her" was the first thing Erin processed when she woke up. Unlike the way she usually regained consciousness abruptly this time it took her a few minutes, willing her eyes to open after the initial disturbance of Kelly's phone ringing. She's heard parts of the conversation but they were just words. Sitting up slowly she made eye contact with Kelly, he mouthed a quick apology and moved to another room to continue his argument. She hadn't been able to work out who he was talking to but she knew they were talking about her. When he didn't return after ten minutes she got sick of waiting around, sliding a pillow under Shay's head as she got up. After a much anticipated long hot shower she faced herself in the mirror. Feeling clean and calm she set about changing the dressing on her head, according to the doctors instructions. It was the first time she had looked at it properly. The bruising and dark antiseptic ointment made it look dreadful, she was just pleased it didn't hurt too much. She had just finished packing away when the nausea hit. So sudden and unexpected that had she not already been in the bathroom she would have made a terrible mess. The timing just happened to coincide with Kelly's arrival, checking in on her.

"I'm fine" She said before he had a chance to speak, already frustrated by the pained expression on his face.

"No you aren't" He argued rushing over to help her, fearful she'd be sick again or faint.

"Stop" She protested, pushing him away. The flushing toilet was too loud to attempt conversation, so he settled on watching her closely as she crossed to the basin and rinsed her mouth. Starting to brush her teeth as she tried to ignore his nervous pacing in the background.

"I think I should call the doctor" He said finally, making eye contact with her reflection.

"Please don't...Just stop, I'm alright" She whispered, deciding to let go of her annoyance. After turning to look at him properly, still pacing, sick with worry, she knew she had to do something. There was no way it was healthy for him to be so anxious. Words clearly weren't working so she settled on actions. "Come here" She instructed, crossing the room to pull him into a hug.

"What are you doing?" He asked bluntly, though he definitely didn't want her to stop. It was reassuring to have her so close, from here he knew he could protect her.

"I'm trying to convince you that I'm alright. It isn't working but I'm really trying. I you need to trust me when I say that I'm fine and please stop worrying" She explained, continuing to hug him tightly, his heart beating steadily against her ear.

"I can't do that" He said apologetically, pulling back a little to look down at her.

"I know...I've given you way too much to worry about. That's why I'm going to go get into bed, and let you fuss all you like" Erin concluded, releasing him from the hug, taking his hand to lead him out to the bedroom.

"Thank you" He breathed, relief spreading across his face.

"And by fuss over me I mean spend time with our baby" She corrected when he tried to tuck her in.

"Okay" He agreed shifting to press a kiss to her belly.

"The other one!" She laughed, shoving him away.

"She's still sleeping" He informed, though he knew he should probably go check on her.

"Not for long, what do you plan on doing this afternoon?" Erin questioned, even from bed she could make sure he had something fun ready for Shay.

"We'll start with juice and a biscuit. Then drawing or building until she gets bored, outside to kick her ball around. Dinner, bath and bed" He answered, making it up as he went.

"Sounds like you've got everything sorted" She commented approvingly.

"I definitely do, you just have to stay here and rest" He said, giving her a quick kiss before he got up to leave.

"I will, I promise" She lied, watching as he walked away. Determined not to waste her afternoon she listened carefully, out of bed the moment they were playing in the backyard. For lack of anything better to do she started by tidying their room, as much as she could without risking him noticing. The bag of baby clothes, minus Shay's shirt, was sitting on the floor in the corner so she decided to put them away. One thing led to another and soon she was sorting through Shay's wardrobe, paying special attention to clothing brands and sizes. If anything Shay had too many clothes, bought, given or gifted to them and Erin was always concerned she'd outgrow a size before she got to wear everything. The sound of Shay crying was the only thing that snapped her out of her sorting frenzy, quickly putting everything away and sneaking back to bed. Just in time for Kelly to arrive, Shay in desperate need of love and sympathy from her mother.

"Mama" Shay cried, extending her arms and tipping herself until Kelly had no choice but to put her on the bed.

"What happened baby?" Erin asked, rubbing Shay's back as she wriggled her way under the blanket to snuggle against her mother's chest.

"She tripped over the ball and grazed her knee a little" Kelly explained, flopping down onto his side of the bed.

"Oh no" Erin said sympathetically.

"Show Mama your magic bandaid" He prompted, not wanting his own attempts at calming Shay to go unacknowledged.

"The fairies will make it all better" She agreed when Shay presented her knee, the purple Tinkerbell bandaid looking huge in comparison.

"You get any sleep?" He asked hopefully.

"I tried" She answered honestly.

"Okay" He agreed, finding it hard not to drift off. Any energy he had replaced during his mid-movie nap had been burned running around with Shay. "I need to talk to you" He said just as she thought he'd fallen asleep.

"What's up?" She asked, trying not to sound at all worried.

"I have to go to work tomorrow" He said angrily. That explained the phone conversation.

"That's alright" She assured, confident she was up to a day unsupervised. As much as she loved spending time with him she felt a little overwhelmed by all the attention she had received since the accident.

"No it isn't, I tried to talk my way out of it but the new guy I was telling you about, Harvey, is pretty unreliable. At least he called this time. Capp's out too so I can't leave them two men down" He explained, sounding particularly agitated.

"We'll be fine" She comforted, running her fingers through is hair to encourage him to relax.

"Actually I was thinking Shay could spend the day with Cindy" He suggested cautiously, rolling onto his side and propping himself up on an elbow.

"Don't be stupid, I can look after her. We'll have a nice quiet day at home with princess movies and cake" She challenged.

"Where's the cake coming from?" He asked, not willing to invest the energy in constructing an argument, she would always win anyway.

"You're going to bring it to us" She informed with a broad smile.

"Am I just?" He questioned.

"If you know what's good for you" She replied instantly.

"What type of cake?" He asked, willing to give in to any of her food related requests.

"Much better, I'm thinking chocolate is a safe bet" She laughed.

"I will bring you chocolate cake if you promise to take it easy" He proposed, seeing a way to get something out of the arrangement.

"I promise" She answered without even needing to think.

"And I mean a real promise not an I'm going to sneak out of bed while I think my husband isn't looking promise" He clarified, taking her by surprise.

"I'm sorry" She said softly, not seeing the point in denying it.

"Good, you need to be resting" He said firmly.

"How did you even know?" She asked, quite sure he hadn't seen her.

"I didn't until you admitted it" He laughed.

"Damn" She grumbled, wondering when he had gotten so smart. "Double my cake order."

"Done" He nodded, getting up to go make dinner. He took Shay to give Erin some quiet time. She decided to at least attempt an actual rest, promptly falling asleep. She woke with a killer headache, ate so quickly she barely tasted the food, took her painkillers and went to back to sleep.

* * *

Not only did Kelly stop by with cake, three varieties instead of two, but he also made regular stops with a range of her favourite foods. Before his shift even started he delivered her favourite yoghurt, morning tea was fresh berries from the farmers market, where a gas bottle had exploded causing a minor crisis. Erin couldn't be disappointed by lunch, her favourite pizza from the fancy wood fired place on the other side of the city. Her three cakes for dessert, not that she could eat more than a mouthful of each before feeling sick. More fruit for afternoon tea and the remaining pizza reheated for dinner. If his concerns for her health translated to such good food she was tempted to make him worry by not answering her phone. Shay slept surprisingly well considering the most strenuous thing she'd done all day was drag a chair to the fridge to get juice, pouring it everywhere in the process. Lying in bed that night Erin exchanged text messages with Kelly the way they had before Shay was born, sharing whatever thoughts entered their heads. They both enjoyed these unfiltered conversations and wondered why they hadn't made more time for them recently. Erin couldn't help but see the accident as an opportunity to revise her lifestyle choices, vowing to make the necessary changes to be more present for Shay, Kelly and their new baby.

**Something big is going to happen tomorrow... :D **


	68. Chapter 68

**I said big...not necessarily bad...but I guess that's up to you :P Enjoy!**

Erin was strangely compliant over the next few days, eating, sleeping and resting when instructed to. Kelly continued to worry about her health but increasingly her contemplative silence was the main source of his concern. The doctor had warned about behavioural changes triggered by head trauma but said it was highly variable. As long as she continued to look after herself and Shay he had no reason to complain. When she made dinner on Thursday night Kelly saw it as her way of proving she was well enough for work. In reality Erin had finally come to a conclusion and wanted to discuss it with him.

"Don't pull that face" Erin complained when he walked into the kitchen , straight off his shift, looking tired, a little angry and confused.

"Sorry" He said overcorrecting to a ridiculously fake smile.

"What's wrong?" She demanded knowing he wouldn't talk about himself unless she forced him to.

"I just don't want you overdoing things" He explained softly.

"By cooking dinner? Its been almost a week and I feel so much better" She replied, continuing to cook as she spoke, he'd probably be even more annoyed if he knew that she's already cooked and frozen a separate meal for Shay's dinner. Kelly's transition to night shifts meant he didn't get home until after Shay's bedtime. The upside of the change was that it gave them a chance to have dinner without her a few nights a week. Erin hoped it would provide an opportunity for increased communication.

"Back to normal?" He questioned.

"Not quite. You make it sound like that would be bad. Isn't that why you're making me rest so much? So I can get back to normal" She asked in response, wondering if he had simply had a bad day. Nothing else she could think of would account for his bad mood.

"Normal means you want to go back to work" He informed rudely, making it sound as if she were just trying to get him to deliver the bad news himself.

"This is still going to take a while, go have a shower" She instructed hoping it would give him a chance to calm down. If he continued like this she wasn't sure she wanted to have a serious discussion with him.

"Okay" He agreed, still obviously displeased.

"Great timing" She announced when he returned just as she was selecting bowls from the cupboard.

"I'm sorry" He apologised, moving until he was right behind her.

"Me too" She replied, nothing specific in mind. He placed his hands on her waist, bending forward to kiss just below her ear. The shower had definitely changed his mood she realised as he turned her around and lifted her onto the bench. She dropped the serving spoon into the pot as he nuzzled against her neck, making his way up to her mouth slowly. "I love you very much, but I'm hungry" She said when he finally pulled back to look at her, breathing heavily.

"I suppose I could let you eat" He replied, talking slowly as if he actually had to consider his options.

"The sooner we eat the sooner I'll let you take me to bed" She encouraged sliding down the moment he stepped back.

"Hurry up" He laughed, fumbling to hold out a bowl for her to fill.

"We have to talk first" She prompted, following him into the dining room.

"About?" He questioned pointlessly, he knew her well enough to know what she was about to say. He didn't want to hear it so he refused to look at her, focusing on the food instead.

"Work" She grinned, the word he had grown to hate.

"Can't we talk about that some other time? Right now I want to set a speed eating record" He answered, seriousness dissipating as he raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"I've been thinking about it quite a lot" She said seriously, his grin indicated he wasn't listening. "No sex until you participate in a serious, adult conversation" She threatened, his eyes snapped to hers and he straightened in his seat.

"Okay, what's going on?" He asked, banishing his smile before it got him into trouble.

"I don't want to go back to work" Erin answered hesitantly.

"What?" He questioned as soon as he realised what she'd said. His shock evidenced by the sudden release of his spoon.

"I love my job, but I love you more, and Shay and the baby. Family is more important. I can take leave now and spend some time with Shay before the baby's born. I hate to admit it but my job is pretty stressful, it's life and death a lot of the time, I don't want that stress impacting on the baby. I just...it's crazy but work doesn't seem nearly as important as it did a week ago" She explained, it was something she'd been struggling with in the quiet moments of each day, and late at night.

"Great. I'd love for you to never work again..." He said, somehow not nearly as excited as she had expected him to be.

"But?" She asked, beating him to it.

"But I don't think it's a good idea. Shay is fine with Cindy and we spend plenty of time with her" He justified, his reluctance growing the more he considered it. It was what he thought he wanted, but it wasn't what was best for Erin - he loved her more than anything so he couldn't want it.

"You get to spend time with her whenever you aren't on shift. When I work I barely see her for five days, a hug and a kiss in the morning and an hour of playtime at night. If I'm lucky. I don't want to be the parent who works all the time" She reviewed. All she wanted was to be the parent she hadn't had, working all the time was just as bad as being constantly drunk or high.

"We both work a lot, we knew it was going to be difficult even before we had Shay. Do you remember when you stopped working right before she was born? The boredom sent you insane, cleaning everything, doing washing everyday. You need to work, it gives you something to do" He tried to reason.

"I'll have Shay to keep me busy, and growing a baby takes energy too" She argued, mentioning the baby in an attempt to reduce the tension in the room.

"You've been bored just over the last few days, I can tell, you don't sleep as well. Shay isn't really that difficult to look after, it's definitely not challenging mentally" He persisted, quite sure she wasn't thinking it through.

"There are so many things I could be doing with her though. Educational stuff so she isn't behind when she starts school. I was reading a news article yesterday about firstborn children always being behind because their parents don't provide enough learning opportunities" She defended weakly the obviously exaggerating article the only thing she could think of.

"That's stupid, and she doesn't start school for years. Do you really want to give up working?" He questioned, trying to get the discussion back on track.

"Yes. Not forever, just a year. Then the baby will be six months old, and who knows, by then I might just take a desk job" She answered, seriously.

"That's not what you want. Even with two to look after its not going to be nearly enough for you. You're used to functioning on such a high level that staying at home is going to be too easy"

"Maybe I want easy. Maybe I just want to focus on being a good parent" She declared, losing the battle not to raise her voice.

"Near death experiences do this to people, they quit their jobs and run off to travel the world or spend time with their kids. It never works out, Shay doesn't need anymore time and attention than she already gets" He tried to explain, he'd seen it so many times amongst colleagues.

"You're saying she doesn't need me?" Erin questioned in barely a whisper. His eyes widened as he realised she was fast approaching a level of anger he couldn't handle, after the raised voiced, maybe a little yelling, came something he feared. Silence.

"No I'm not, I'm just saying she doesn't need you all the time" He corrected quickly reaching across to grasp her hand.

"She doesn't need me at all an you know it. She has you and Cindy. She probably wouldn't even notice if I wasn't around" She blurted as she pulled her hand away, making a fist that thudded to the table. Enough force to make their cutlery clink against their dishes.

"That is not true. She was asleep the night of the accident but her face still lit up when she woke up and saw you were there. She loves you and needs you. You need work" He said, it hurt to know that she had such negative thoughts about herself.

"I don't need it" She maintained.

"You do. Everything works how it is now, I don't understand why you suddenly want to change everything" He presented as his next argument. Always having operated on an 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' mentality.

"Because I'm not happy. I don't want to miss out on this time with her. It feels like I've already wasted a year of her life" She replied honestly. He sighed with relief, she was loud again that meant she had to be calmer.

"Erin" He said softly, not wanting to argue any further.

"I'm serious. I want to spend time with her before she has to share me with a baby" Erin added.

"Is that what this is? You feeling guilty about the baby again? Because that baby is a gift, neither of us had siblings growing up. I don't know about you but I wish there had been someone I could talk to, someone who was always there no matter what" He said, the image of Shay with a sibling,just a smaller version of herself, dancing through his mind.

"Someone to fight with?" She challenged.

"No, a best friend. Only without awkward introductions and getting to know each other" He rebutted instantly.

"That's not how it works. I've seen the Herrmann boys nearly bludgeon each other to death, siblings aren't all close" She provided as an example.

"I know, and they won't always be, just like in any relationships there'll be fights. They'll argue, but then they'll forgive each other in the end" He said, finding it difficult not to smile, their relationship would be very different without the fighting.

"Like you and Katie? Because she might have accepted your apology but she hasn't forgiven you. That would mean moving back in, which she hasn't done" Erin said smugly, it was a low blow, a sign of desperation. She didn't want to admit that she was picturing their children, like the kids in calendar shots, one helping the other up after a fall, pushing each other on a swing.

"That's not fair" He said, he already felt guilty enough without her dragging it into their discussion, or was it an argument at this point.

"I'm right though, Katie hasn't forgiven you. Not really" She added, feeling victorious.

"That has nothing to do with this, you don't want to go back to work. I think you should" He summarized, unwilling to continue now she was bringing up completely unrelated events instead of genuine arguments.

"Well I don't care what you think" Erin threw back, a note of finality in her voice.

"Why did you ask me then?" He questioned, knowing full well he should just leave it alone. Now he was just as bad as she was.

"I wanted to talk about the financial side of things! I'm only eligible for so much paid leave and I don't want you to feel pressured to work all the time" She answered, though she had wanted his opinion and support, it turned out they only mattered if he had agreed the way she had expected him to.

"Fine, look I'm sorry. I would love for you to stay home and if it's what you want then you should do it. I'm just worried that it isn't going to be what you expect and that by the time you realise you'll be stuck at home because of the baby anyway. Why can't you go back to work now, just for three months then take time off from then" He rationalised, having taken a moment to consider his response carefully.

"So you're saying we can't afford it?" She asked, he'd had the chance to present his thoughts, she didn't want to argue again. What she wanted were facts, the actual numbers, they might make it easier to come to a final decision.

"We can, absolutely, we've got plenty of money saved, even after I bought the car" He answered.

"Which I crashed and ruined" She added, speaking her mind. She had ruined everything, at least that was the easy thing for her to think.

"It was insured, the only reason we don't have a replacement yet is because I want a different model, or colour at least. You shouldn't have to drive the exact same car" Kelly said, there was no point reasoning with anything other than the truth.

"That doesn't bother me, it saved me the first time" She shrugged.

"Okay. Money isn't an issue and if it is, because you get so bored you develop some sort of online poker addiction, I'll take on a class at the academy or pull double shifts" He said with a laugh.

"Online poker, really?" She snapped angrily, then she decided it was fair given the way she'd brought up the Katie situation.

"I'm just saying you're going to be bored" He finished.

"Well then I choose to be bored" She accepted, giving him a small smile.

"Okay"

"Fine" She concluded.

"Fine" He nodded. They both picked up their spoons, not having had a chance to eat while they talked, she'd barely been able to remain seated.

"Ugh" They groaned, synchronised complaints of disgust upon realising their food was cold.

"Microwave?" She suggested, standing up to take both their bowls to the kitchen. He gave her a nod but waited in his seat, thankful for a moment of peace. She returned and they ate in silence. They didn't speak as they got ready for bed either. The last thing Kelly expected when she joined him in bed was for her to roll on top of him, kissing him before he could process what was happening. "I'm sorry" She said softly, hoping he could move past their heated discussion. She desired an entirely different type of heat.

"I'm sorry to. I just want you to be happy. Take some more time to think about it" He said looking up at her carefully. He wanted her to know that she was free to make her own decision, she had his support either way. At the same time he felt that they'd spent more than enough time talking and hadn't made much progress.

"I love you" She said instead of bringing up the fact that she had already spent days thinking about it.

"I" He said, stopping to kiss her forehead, "love" as he reached her nose, "you" he finished. The moment the word was out of his mouth she was pressing her lips to his, he kissed her back sliding his fingertips across the exposed skin of her lower back.

"Just trust me" She said, the double meaning made obvious as she sat up and pulled off her shirt, then wriggled to tug at his pants. Now there was definitely no need for talking.

* * *

"I just want to talk" Erin said the moment she reached the top of the stairs, hands raised to indicate her surrender. Voight immediately leapt up from behind her desk, frowning. She couldn't help but take a look at the case board as she moved towards him, flashing a smile at each of her colleagues as she went.

"I thought you knew how to operate a phone" He challenged, moving towards his office.

"I do" She nodded enthusiastically, playing along to get a laugh from her partner. Clicking the door shut she was pleased to see the frown was gone. Even without it she was starting to feel nervous.

"You're looking better" He commented, waiting for her explain her presence.

"Yeah, I feel great" She smiled, questioning her own ability to follow through.

"Really?" He asked, sensing there was something

"I'll feel better in a few minutes, I hope" She said, taking a seat.

"Alright, tell me when you plan on starting" He requested, not thinking for a minute that he had any real say in the matter. Once a doctor had cleared her he didn't have grounds to refuse her return.

"That's the thing, I don't think I'm going to. I love my job and the work we do is really important. It's just not as important as my family. Now is as good a time as any to stop and put them first. You're really only going to be missing out on a few months of desk work from me anyway. So if it's okay I'd like to take my leave early. It's what I want and I've thought about it a lot and..." She was cut off before she could say anything more.

"Stop. You don't need to convince me. One of my biggest regrets is putting work before family. You can take all the time you want" He beamed.

"Thank you" She smiled, frustratingly close to tears.

"Why were you worried?" He questioned after a moment.

"Kelly thinks I'll go insane without work" Erin answered, hoping she could prove otherwise over the coming weeks and months.

"He's right and the door is always going to be open but I respect your decision. It can't have been easy..." He trailed off, thinking about how Camille had asked him to take time off when she'd first been diagnosed with cancer. He had been so sure it wasn't anything serious, by the time he realised it was too late.

"Until a few years ago work was all I had, well you and work. I never thought I could be this happy yet here I am taking it for granted and that's not okay. I'm sorry" She replied thoughtfully, feeling an apology was necessary.

"It's those guys out there who are going to need convincing" He chuckled, pointing out the window. In their leaders absence they'd devised a game, placing a bin on a chair, then sending it flying down the aisle between desks as they threw balls of paper. Cheering and laughing with each hit or miss.

"Yeah..." She agreed. They would understand, eventually.

"Better go tell them. And clean out your desk while your there" Voight instructed.

"Umm..." She said as she hesitated.

"Changed your mind?" He asked teasingly.

"No. I just have two conditions" She explained as she started to stand.

"Right?" He questioned, they both knew she was in no position to be making demands.

"Firstly you have to drive me home, and secondly I want to be here when you give my job to Burgess" Erin listed as she moved to the door, waiting for his reply before opening it.

"Burgess?" He questioned.

"She's good police, she'll work hard and she deserves the opportunity" She assured, feeling that if she was leaving she should at least have some say in her replacement.

"Fine by me. Why am I driving you?" He asked, getting up to follow her.

"I walked" She answered, it had been an effort to convince Kelly to let her go out alone.

"Where does Kelly think you are?" Voight demanded, not wanting to be part of a lie. He'd come to respect Kelly and didn't like the idea of deceiving him when all he was trying to do was protect Erin.

"Walking" She said as she opened the door, stepping out before he could share his opinion on the matter.

"You'd better hurry up then" He whispered, moving past her to head downstairs.

"You coming back then?" Halstead asked excitedly.

"Actually I need to tell you guys something" Erin answered carefully, waiting until all eyes were pointed in her direction before speaking. "I'm going to be taking some leave, long term. I don't know when or even if I'll be back"

"Oh" Halstead said, shocked and saddened by the revelation.

"Everything okay?" Antonio asked, more worried about what she was leaving for than the impact it would have on the unit.

"Yeah. I just can't balance work and family any more, I love you all...But Shay is way cuter" Erin said, trying to lighten the suddenly sombre atmosphere. "And she needs me" She added, scanning the room as they processed the information, slowly starting to nod in approval.

"I'd love to say we'll celebrate at Molly's but we have a case and I don't want to mess up your baby" Olinsky said, leaning as far back as his chair would permit.

"Thanks. But celebrate? You could at least pretend you're going to miss me" She teased.

"We'll miss you" Ruzek contributed unexpectedly, nods and murmurs of agreement from the others made her smile.

"Damn right you will" She assured, moving a little too quickly out of the room in search of a box. Even if they did see her crying she'd blame the pregnancy.

**Not bad? **


	69. Chapter 69

**Thanks for the lovely reviews yesterday :D**

"Okay baby, it's photo day. Please try to look cute" Kelly requested early Wednesday morning, stubble tickling the smooth skin of Erin's belly.

"What?" Erin questioned, squinting down at him as his words and movements roused her from the deepest sleep she'd had all week.

"I'm just asking the baby to try to look good for it's photo today, I need a cute picture to show off" He explained, resting his cheek over the baby as he looked up at her.

"It's our baby, there's no way it isn't going to look good" She laughed.

"True. Come on let's go" He said, clearly excited to see their baby again. The circumstances of the last ultrasound had been anything but pleasant and there was no picture to show for it.

"The appointment isn't until ten" She complained, pulling the blanket up over his face, determined to go back to sleep.

"We should still get there a little early" He replied, sitting up on his side of the bed before ripping the blanket off her.

"It's seven o'clock. I'm not getting out of bed until eight. Why don't you go see if Shay's awake? You can watch that stupid chipmunk cartoon" Erin reasoned, using a foot against his chest to push him away.

"They're beavers" He corrected.

"Whatever, we're not leaving until nine thirty" She declared, he grabbed her foot and kissed it before getting out of the bed.

"I can make breakfast" He offered, pulling on some socks.

"I just want cereal" She said gently.

"You don't want pancakes?" He questioned encouragingly slightly surprised by her response, she always wanted pancakes.

"No. Sorry" She apologised, feeling as though she should have accepted the offer just so he could feel some minor accomplishment.

"It's fine. Shay and I will eat the leftover quiche" Kelly concluded, Erin didn't ever seem to eat leftovers so it would be wasteful to cook something instead.

"Okay but don't let her get pastry everywhere" She warned knowing he was most likely going to sit Shay on the couch and hand her a plate of food.

"I won't" He assured. The sound of the vacuum woke Erin at exactly eight o'clock, he clearly hadn't listened and was now trying to correct his mistake. A shower and bowl of cereal later she was ready for the ultrasound appointment. "So what are we doing with Shay?" Kelly questioned when Erin finally agreed to leave, at quarter past nine.

"She's coming with us" She explained, turned almost sideways in the passenger seat so she could hold Shay's foot.

"Oh, I thought we'd drop her off with Cindy"

"Why?" Erin asked, she had just assumed they would go as a family.

"I don't know. I guess we just kept it as an us thing last time, a little break from life to spend sometime looking to the future" He explained, trying to understand his thoughts just as much as she was.

"This baby is part of her future too. I might have said some stupid things the other night but I want them to be close" She retracted carefully, determined their two babies would be each others first best friend.

"Okay, isn't she going to be bored and disruptive though?" He asked, reaching the intersection where they had to commit to either the medical clinic or the Herrmann's.

"My phone is fully charged just in case, I think you'll be surprised though" She smiled, hoping Shay wouldn't let her down. Shay was the center of attention as they sat in the waiting room, playing a game where she walked across the tops of their legs. Shifting them apart suddenly so she nearly fell, squealing and giggling as she was caught at the last second.

"Erin Severide" Was called, interrupting their game. Kelly almost dropped Shay in excitement.

"I like that" He grinned, carrying Shay under one arm and holding Erin's hand as they made their way to the consultation room. Erin gave his hand a squeeze in response, she'd gone to a lot of trouble to change the name for the appointment.

"I'm guessing you know the drill" The sonographer said, smiling at Shay who had gone quiet, clinging to her father's shirt as they entered the unfamiliar, hospital-like environment.

"Yeah" Erin nodded as she sat back and lifted her shirt. Soon enough the black screen was filled with their baby, now looking much more human with clear arms and legs. They exchanged a series of excited hand squeezes as they got a good look at their baby for the first time. Erin had missed the ultrasound in the hospital at ten weeks and Kelly was more interested in the heart beat than anything.

"Looking good, perfect measurements" The sonographer commented as she got to work.

"Perfect" Kelly beamed, trying to convey to Shay that it was a happy occasion. Shay relaxed considerably when the sonographer checked the baby's heart rate, the rapid beat similar to the CD they'd used to get her to sleep as a small baby.

"A little big to be honest, you're certain it's only twelve weeks?" She asked looking to Erin for an answered.

"Absolutely" Erin nodded.

"We'll you're doing a great job. Keep it up" The sonographer informed as she handed over a stack of pictures for them.

"Thanks" Erin said, handing them on to Kelly after a quick look.

"Look baby, that's our new baby" Kelly explained to Shay, holding up the images.

"You call her baby?" The sonographer questioned as she led them to the door.

"Yeah" Kelly nodded.

"Well just a bit of unsolicited advice, don't. Stop now and start using a nickname instead. I had a lot of trouble trying to get my son to understand he wasn't being replaced by the 'new' baby" She advised as they made their way down the corridor.

"Oh, I never even considered that. Thank you" Erin said, realising how confusing it would be for Shay.

"Good luck with everything" She said as they reached the door back out to the waiting room. Feeling like a broken record Erin thanked her again. They checked in with the receptionist then made their way out to the car. Only letting go of each other briefly to get through the door. Shay was singing away in her own language, sounding just as happy as they felt.

"That was great, I'm glad Shay came" Kelly commented as he secured Shay in her car seat.

"Yeah" She agreed, sliding into the passengers seat. "Now am I going to have to fight you for the really good profile?" She asked looking at the stack of pictures in his hand. He was just trying to decide where to put them while he drove. The one she wanted showed the baby's disproportionately large head, facial features clearly distinguishable right down to the perfect nose and lips.

"No, you can have that one, I want the whole body shot" He answered, more interested in seeing the whole baby.

"Awesome, I think Hank will like it" She said, he didn't even need to look across to know she was smiling.

"Is that the next stop then?" He asked, knowing she wouldn't want to wait to share the image with her former colleagues and family members.

"Yes please, I'll take it up to him while you go show off at the firehouse. Then I'll meet you at Ruby's diner for an early lunch" She proposed as a plan for the remainder of their morning, she wasn't sure if they'd still do waffles at this time of day but she was definitely going to find out.

"How?" He questioned wondering if Voight was going to taxi her again. The last time she'd been driven anywhere by Voight, a box of personal items from her desk and locker in hand, she'd arrived home in tears.

"I can walk" Erin reminded.

"I don't want you walking that far" He said, immediately disagreeing though he knew she was more than capable. Having just seen the precious little life they had made he felt the need to be extra protective.

"It's good for the baby, we need fresh air and light exercise" She informed patting his leg convincingly.

"Still, it's a long way" He protested.

"It's only two blocks and I just aced that scan, perfect remember?" She asked knowing he knew how illogical it was, she'd walked from their house to district 21 less than a week ago.

"Alright, if you're sure" He conceded, pulling up right out the front of the building she still considered her second home, or third maybe, after the Voight's house.

"Certain" She said firmly, leaning across to kiss him before taking the picture.

"See you soon" He used in place of a goodbye.

"Okay, love you Shay" Erin added as she climbed out of the car, poking her head through the door just in time for Shay's response.

"Mama" Shay replied, waving wildly from her car seat.

"Bye-bye ba...beautiful" She corrected, trying to take the sonographers advice but struggling because it was such a habit. She moved to the foot path and watched them drive away before heading up the stairs.

"Lindsay" Platt called the moment she stepped through the door at the top of the stairs, narrowly avoiding some very new looking uniformed officers.

"Sergeant Platt" Erin replied, trying to match her enthusiasm.

"Please tell me you're coming back" Platt requested hopefully.

"Sorry" Erin said with a shake of the head. "Are they in?" She asked, gesturing up the stairs.

"Yeah, I'll have to take you up though" Platt said, making her way around the desk.

"Please...you've never followed protocol before" Erin laughed, making her way to the stairs alone.

"No...It's just your fingerprints and code won't work anymore" Platt explained as she caught up.

"Oh" She realised.

"Come on, they'll be thrilled to see you" Platt said, holding open the gate for her.

"Yeah" Erin said, trying to shake the bitterness she was feeling, reminding herself it had been entirely voluntary. That she was happy at home with Shay.

"I knew it! Pay up Atwater" Halstead called the moment he spotted her.

"I'm just visiting" Erin rushed to elucidate. Platt turned and left without a word.

"Really, you sure you don't want to come back? I have money on it"

"Sorry to disappoint" She apologised, Halstead groaned and flopped back into his chair dramatically.

"What've you been up to?" Antonio asked, drawing attention away from Halstead.

"Nothing too crazy, just mum stuff. I've signed Shay up for some classes next week so that'll be interesting" She informed, it really was all she'd really gotten around to doing so far.

"Classes? How old is she?" Atwater questioned, looking up from his computer to join the conversation.

"Baby classes, music, swimming, yoga...and Spanish" Erin added last, making eye contact with Antonio.

"Never too early" Antonio agreed, wishing his wife had done the same with their children. Both struggled with the language, much to his frustration.

"Is that it? Sounds boring, you have to come back" Halstead pleaded, frustrated at losing two weeks worth of beer money.

"Well actually I've been kind of busy growing a human being as well" She defended quickly.

"How is that going?" Antonio questioned, feeling as if he was the only person in the room not trying to make her feel bad about her decision.

"Great. I was just bringing this to Hank" Erin answered, handing over the picture. Deciding to ignore her partner in favour of talking about the baby.

"Cute" He commented after a quick look.

"Ooh, let me see" Halstead said rushing over from his desk to look at the picture.

"But it's so boring" She reminded him, reaching across to take the picture back.

"I'm sorry" He apologised, she let him look at the picture as he explained that he was being stupid because he missed her. She accepted his apology and moved to show the picture to Burgess as well, who'd sat at her desk looking both intrigued and terrified.

"It's going to be so cute" Burgess gushed as she admired the tiny face.

"I hope so" Erin agreed taking back the picture to pass to Atwater, Ruzek and Olinsky. Finding it amusing that the one person she had come to show was the only person who hadn't yet seen it. She didn't bother to knock on Voight's office door, sliding into the chair while he finished his phone conversation.

"Didn't expect to see you here" He commented the moment he put down the phone.

"I had to bring you a present" She explained handing across the picture.

"Very nice" He said as he slid it into the corner of one of the photo frames on his desk, a picture of his family: Camille and Himself at the back with Justin and Erin smiling happily in the front. No one would ever have been able to tell that she wasn't their biological child. Especially not with the photo next to it, his favourite from her wedding: Kelly and Erin looking lovingly at each other while he was busy entertaining Shay in the background.

"I'm happy" She said, misreading his thoughtful gaze as one of concern.

"You should be, you're doing good" He agreed, she couldn't reply as he answered the phone, mouthing an apology followed by a farewell as he realised it was going to take a while. Noticing the time on her way out of his office she knew she couldn't hang around the way she wanted to. Better things were waiting though she convinced herself as she started to walk to the diner. Any doubts she had were halved when she spotted Shay, face pressed to the window. Ten minutes later her waffles arrived, topped with chocolate ice cream and sliced banana. It was hardly a nutritious meal and definitely a bad example to Shay.

"Any good?" Kelly asked wondering how she could eat something so sweet so early in the day.

"Not bad" She answered, it wasn't as good as she'd wanted it to be.

"Not great?" He questioned.

"No it needs peanuts" Erin decided, knowing the nutty goodness would go perfectly with the chocolate and banana. Next thing she knew Kelly had waved over a waitress.

"Do you have peanuts?" He asked the teen.

"Yeah, we have chopped nuts for on ice cream" She replied slowly.

"Awesome, can we get some?" Kelly requested.

"No, sorry, don't worry" Erin jumped in, dismissing the waitress.

"What's wrong?" He asked, having only been trying to help.

"Salted. I mean salted peanuts" She explained, feeling flattered that he'd even tried.

"Oh, okay" He said as he slid from the booth.

"Where are you going?" She questioned immediately.

"There's a bar down the road, they'll have salted peanuts" He replied.

"You don't have to..." She said, the statement dying as she realised it was too late. He was already gone. When he returned, glass bowl and all, right from the bar she laughed. Any lingering doubts vanished, she was definitely doing the right thing.

**If you haven't tried salted peanuts on chocolate ice cream you should!**

**~ Incoming Long AN ~**

**I was in a bit of a writing rut today so I planned on going back and editing...Ended up rereading the first ten chapters of this fic and was absolutely shocked by how much my writing has improved (even if I do say so myself). I didn't realise how dreadfully I wrote Shay's early life and I promise I'll make up for it by keeping the time jumps to a minimum with baby no. 2...I have so many ideas that at times I find it hard to stop planning and actually write!**

**Unfortunately I also have to tell you that I started work today...and I'm back to university on Monday :( I have honestly found such pure joy in letting my imagination run wild with these characters, ****and**** there's no end in sight. I might just have to scale back to updating every other day... I'm really sorry...We'll see how things turn out.**

**What are your feelings regarding how long this is getting? Should I make a separate fic when baby no.2 arrives? Or are you happy with the current format? I worry that I'm not getting new readers because they're daunted by how many chapters there are...**

**Alright one last thing I need your help on: Would you feel ripped off if I cheated and did a series of 'day in the life' chapters focusing on all the things Erin and Shay get up to? **

**If you read all of that...THANK YOU! And be sure to let me know what you think :D**


	70. Chapter 70

**Monday**

"Time to go on an adventure" Erin said as she lifted Shay from the lounge room floor, leaving a tower of coloured blocks behind.

"Venchaaa!" Shay yelled in response flopping forward into her superman flying pose, forcing Erin to drop her bag to catch her. Making a mental note to talk to Kelly about the way he encouraged the behaviour she bent to retrieve her bag.

"We're going to do some yoga" Erin informed.

"Yoghurt" Shay replied excitedly, she had not long had breakfast but she always looked forward to strawberry yoghurt.

"Not quite, we can have yoghurt when we get home" Erin explained, spinning on the spot to scan the room for anything she might have forgotten. Then she headed for the door, eying the car keys on their hook as she went. "Are you gonna walk?" She questioned when they reached the foot path. Erin had spotted the Mums and Bubs yoga class posters stuck to the playground at the local park and decided it could be fun, though she had no idea what to expect. Shay didn't answer instead wriggling until she was set on the ground, immediately attempting to escape. Her mother's hand stopped her, keeping her close as they began their journey. As they walked they pointed out all sorts of things to each other, starting with the neighbors cat, birds, a tree, smashed glass on the road, flowers and cracks in the concrete - Shay was curious about everything. It made the walk seem so much quicker and in no time at all they arrived at the park, making their way to the shaded grassy area where people were starting to gather. The instructor spotted the unfamiliar face and rushed over to welcome them.

"Hi, I'm Gina" The woman said, holding out her hand.

"Erin" She replied accepting the firm handshake.

"I'd love to chat but we're already late to start. Feel free to just watch or ask questions whenever. It's free but we ask everyone to bring a plate to share every second week - next week. We're pretty relaxed, the aim is to get out of the house and have some fun" Gina explained quickly, looking around as everyone rolled out their yoga mats, people seemed to have laid claim to particular locations.

"Okay, thanks" Erin said as she moved from what had become the front of the class.

"You don't want to go there" A red head said as Erin went to roll out her own mat, feeling flustered to be the last person standing around. "There's an ants nest, come over this side" She added in response to Erin's confused expression.

"Thanks" Erin whispered as she rolled out her own yoga mat and sat down, Shay sitting on her lap. The class started and Erin did her best to keep up, her red headed acquaintance gave tips and hints occasionally. Erin knew she was in the right place when one of the other children, a sickly pale little boy, threw a tantrum. Gina set a task for the rest of the class then spoke to the boy until he calmed down. A laid back atmosphere was important when small children were involved. Once they reached the halfway mark Erin decided it was time they started to have fun. She talked to and tickled Shay while attempting to replicate the movements of the instructor. Shay laughed and squealed while rolling around on the on the mat, stretching and curling as she was supposed to. The second last pose was Erin's favourite, lying on her back with her knees curled to her chest, Shay on her belly along Erin's shins. Straightening her legs into the air at a slight angle then bending them again made for an entertaining ride for Shay, holding her mother's hands so she couldn't roll off.

"More!" Shay laughed when Erin paused for a second, the exercise surprisingly strenuous with the added weight of a toddler.

"I'm trying" Erin said, worried that if she tried to straighten her legs again she wouldn't be able to keep them raised.

"Great job Erin, we can build up to the ten reps I've got everyone else doing" Gina commented as she walked past, moving through the class giving feedback to everyone. Then they moved on to the final stretches and a few minutes of breathing exercises that Shay didn't understand.

"Ssh" Erin hushed, placing her finger on Shay's lips, surprising her into silence. She settled back, laying as she was supposed to on Erin's chest, both looking up at the fluffy white clouds. In a moment the class went from near silence to a steady buzz of conversation, mats were rolled up and groups formed for conversation. Gina sought out Erin and escorted her around, introducing her to everyone. Other than the red head, Sharron, mother to Caitlin, Erin wasn't sure she was going to remember many names. The class had been a lot of fun though and she committed to coming back the following week.

"Where are you parked?" Sharron asked when Erin finally farewelled Gina.

"We walk, it's only a few blocks" Erin explained, pointing in the general direction they walked.

"That's pretty cool. I'm over there, see you next week" Sharron said as their paths diverged. Erin said goodbye and waved before turning her attention to getting home. Shay dawdled behind, not wanting to leave and tired. Eventually refusing to move one step further, Erin carried her the rest of the way home. They had a quick lunch followed by the yoghurt Shay hadn't forgotten she was promised. Then they settled on the couch to watch her favourite princess movie, The Little Mermaid. Neither made it to the part where Ariel gained legs, both sleeping through the rest of the movie and well into the afternoon.

"Mama" Shay said, pulling at her mother's hair.

"What?" Erin questioned as she pushed the small hands away, not yet ready to open her eyes.

"Mama up!" Shay insisted.

"Okay, I'm up" Erin caved, sitting up slowly.

"Build" Shay requested, climbing off the couch to grab a block, bringing it back to her mother. Erin was still struggling to wake up but slid off the couch and built towers for Shay to knock over. When that started to get boring she tried used the colour names Shay knew and made patterns for her to continue or replicate.

"What should we do now?" Erin asked when she ran out of ideas with the block.

"Food" Shay answered, digging a toy piece of lettuce from her toy box.

"Cooking?" Erin suggested as she got up, encouraging Shay to put the lettuce back before leading her through to the kitchen.

"Yes" Shay agreed confidently.

"What should we cook?" Erin asked, not expecting a proper answer but deciding it wouldn't hurt.

"Biscuit" Shay requested, looking up at the jar on the bench, seeing that there was only one left Erin handed it over.

"Let's make biscuits" She said, researching a recipe on her phone while Shay sat on the bench and ate the biscuit. Settling on a simple shortbread recipe they gathered the ingredients and made the mixture, cutting out stars and hearts. Once they were in the oven Shay requested a story. Erin was happy to oblige but completely lost track of time, remembering the biscuits only when they were very burnt. They had the ingredients and Erin wasn't one to accept failure so they got a second batch into the oven. Waiting in the kitchen until the three timers, phone, oven and microwave, went off. She took them out and placed them on the cooling rack while Shay took her phone, playing with the stopwatch and timer to make it beep randomly. After cooling for a little while Erin broke one of the hearts in half, giving one piece to Shay and eating the other. If she'd known that simple actually translated into completely tasteless she would have used a different recipe. Chocolate made everything better so Erin decided to melt some and dip the biscuits to give them flavour. Shay was quick to discard the phone when she saw the dark brown liquid. Erin didn't think it was possible but from her spot on the bench Shay managed to get covered in chocolate, usually trying to take dipped biscuits from the tray before the chocolate set. Erin turned her back for one moment and looked back to see Shay's hand in the bowl of chocolate. "You are too cheeky" Erin scolded gently, lifting Shay down to the floor where she sat to suck her chocolate covered hand.

"Hey" Kelly greeted. Erin had been too focused, trying to peel the supposedly non-stick baking paper off the biscuits, to even hear him arrive.

"Oh, hi" Erin replied. "What are you doing home?" She added not expecting him for a few hours yet, that would be if her internal clock hadn't been messed up by her afternoon nap.

"What are you doing?" He asked ignoring her question as he moved closer, looking at her funny.

"Cooking, we made biscuits"She explained, holding up one of the biscuits she'd successfully removed the baking paper from.

"Oh, well you have something on your cheek" He informed finally close enough to be sure of the brown smudge.

"Probably chocolate, not as bad as this little monster though" She answered lifting the chocolate covered toddler onto the bench.

"What is she still doing up?" He questioned, though he couldn't help but smile at the fact she could still fit her entire hand in her mouth.

"What?" Erin asked, turning to the clock, actually paying attention to the time. "Oh, umm...I lost track of time" She said slowly, wondering where three whole hours had gone.

"I'm guessing you haven't had dinner then..." Kelly replied, particularly hungry.

"Nope, I'll throw something together" She said, rushing to wash her hands so she could figure something out.

"Don't worry, you finish this and get Shay cleaned up, I'll go buy dinner" He suggested, too impatient to wait for something to be cooked or reheated.

"Okay, I'm sorry" Erin apologised, not only had she made a mess of the kitchen but she hadn't even produced any proper food.

"It looks like you had fun" He said, disregarding the apology as he stole a biscuit.

"We did" Erin nodded, quickly moving to intercept Shay who was once again reaching for the chocolate.

"I'm sorry" He said as he closed the space between them, she stood stunned as he licked the chocolate from her cheek. "I'll be right back" He added before turning and leaving.

"Alright Shay, lets get this done" Erin said, stacking the finished biscuits into the jar then peeling the baking paper from the last few. Then it was upstairs to the bathroom, discarding Shay's clothes on the way. Kelly arrived back just as they were making their way down the stairs, both showered and in their pajamas. "What so great?" Erin questioned surprised by the ridiculous triumphant grin on Kelly's face.

"Well not only did they have a new burrito with every type of meat you can imagine but I also collected the mail" He said, the stack of letters in his hand was nothing unusual.

"And?" She asked, feeling lost.

"And there's a letter for you" He said, placing the paper bag on the dinning room table before handing across a letter. She took it wondering what was so great, immediately spotting the name on the front: Mrs E. Severide.

"I told you I was serious" She nodded, deciding to leave opening the letter for later.

"I know and I believed you, it's just awesome to know that you're finally properly mine" He beamed.

"I'm still my own person" She said warningly.

"Yeah, you know what I mean though don't you? Now everyone knows just by looking at your name" He tried to explain, not sure if she was actually having an issue with his words or just asserting herself.

"I guess. And being yours isn't a bad thing, but you still don't get to tell me what to do" She summarised for him.

"Wouldn't dream of it" He replied firmly.

"Good" She smiled.

"Now, how was your day?" He questioned as they sat down to eat. She told him all about yoga in the park and her hopes of making new friends. Then he recounted his day, exploding gas bottles and all. They were so caught up in talking they didn't notice Shay falling asleep in her highchair after finishing her dinner. "Mrs Severide, I think it's time for bed" Kelly said, ending their conversation when he saw Shay, head flopped forward as she slept.

"I think so. I'll take her if you clean up" Erin suggested, she loved the name but it did make her feel different. Her own expectations of what it meant to be Mrs Severide taking over.

"Sure" He agreed, takeaway dinner meant easy clean up, scrunching food wrappings and shoving it all in the paper bag it had come in. Then that was stuffed in the bin and the job was done. He joined Erin in tucking Shay in, a little confused as to how she had woken up again. It bothered him enough that he had to ask. "Did you wake her up when you took her out of the highchair?"

"No, she had to brush her teeth. Normally I wouldn't wake her but we're going to the dentist in the morning" Erin explained.

"Her teeth are fine, she doesn't need to go to the dentist" He replied quickly.

"She's almost two, it's just an annual check up..." She reasoned, leading the way through to their bedroom so they could get ready for bed.

"What's that face for?" He asked, knowing she had something to tell him, and he guessed he wasn't going to like it.

"I made you an appointment too" She said apologetically. Quickly shutting the bathroom door to escape his immediate reaction.

"I hate the dentist, I went in for a toothache and the guy ripped out all four of my wisdom teeth right then and there. It hurt like hell. You can cancel the appointment, there's no way I'm going" He refused adamantly when she finally let him into the bathroom to brush his teeth, which he did so vigorously for good measure.

"Well Mr Severide, it would make Mrs Severide very happy if you sucked it up and set a good example for little Miss Severide" Erin requested, hoping to cheer him up by reminding him of joyful discovery.

"I'm going to buy you an apron" He declared, she had only recently let him in on her fear of aprons. The last thing she wanted was to look like some old fashioned housewife.

"Mean" She complained, punching him in the arm.

"And making me go to the dentist isn't?" He questioned getting in to bed.

"I'm going too!" Erin assured, snuggling up next to him.

"Alright then, but you'll come in with me? Just to make sure they don't pull out my teeth" He asked, sounding genuinely fearful.

"I promise I won't let them pull out your teeth" She comforted, trying to hide her smile with a sympathetic look. She liked to know that he had weaknesses just like any other person.

"I still don't want to go" He whinged, trying to convince her it was unnecessary.

"But you will for me" She smiled.

"Mrs Severide is pushy" He grumbled, folding his arms across his chest.

"But she's also a really good kisser" Erin defended, reaching across to turn off the light as she kissed him. He had to agree, relaxing as she made him unfold his arms so that he could wrap one around her as she used his chest as a pillow.

**I have a very busy week planned out for them, full of cute family moments that I hope you'll enjoy :D**


	71. Chapter 71

**Tuesday**

"I've changed my mind, I can't do this" Kelly groaned, Erin was already holding his arm firmly to keep him in his seat. They'd barely been in the waiting room for five minutes and he was already feeling the effects. Increased heart rate, sweating, shaking and catastrophizing.

"Stop it" Erin instructed, giving him a serious look. She knew he hadn't slept well but she hadn't attributed it all to a simple visit to the dentist, surely as a grown man he could see his fear was irrational.

"No, I think I'm going to be sick" He replied, closing his eyes as he struggled with nausea. Erin looked at him, he was ridiculously pale all of a sudden. Looking around she wondered if she should help him to the bathroom, instead she dug through her handbag producing one of the airsickness bags she'd stowed on their honeymoon.

"Just relax" She said soothingly, handing him the bag. He accepted it gratefully, holding it firmly in his trembling hands.

"I can't do it" He muttered softly. Though Erin noticed he had started to regain colour the moment the dentist had called another patient. Looking at the clock she wasn't sure she'd be able to keep him still for another ten minutes, even then that assumed the dentist was on time.

"You can" She assured, rubbing his leg comfortingly.

"No I can't, please..." He pleaded.

"Breathe, it's just a check up" She reminded gently. If she'd known it was going to be this much trouble she never would have made him an appointment. From the moment she'd mentioned it he'd been acting strangely. He hadn't slept well and had tried absolutely everything to make sure they were late. She wanted to help him face his fear but Shay's first dental check up probably wasn't the best opportunity.

"I don't need a check up" He insisted through deep but shaky breaths.

"I know, we're not here for you we're here for Shay" Erin reminded expecting that the mention of their daughter would have him snapping out of it. Unfortunately it had little effect.

"I'm setting a terrible example, I'll just wait in the car" He said moving to stand up.

"No, you can do this. It's okay" She argued, keeping him in his seat. Things were quickly escalating past the point where she felt equipped to handle them. He was only getting more anxious as the hands on the clock ticked closer to their appointment and she could hardly stop him if he decided to leave. "Do it for me, and Shay and the baby" She whispered, turning in her seat before pulling his head to her shoulder, holding him until he calmed down a little.

"Three Severides?" The dentist called. Erin released him, leaving him alone for a moment as she stood to collect Shay from the play area. He would either compose himself or run, she had no idea which. When she returned he looked as if he was still making up his mind.

"I'll hold your hand" She said extending it for him to take. It took him a minute but he reached out, grasping it firmly in his sweaty palm. "You can do this" She added giving a motivating tug when he still hadn't moved a moment later.

"Can't I just stay here?" He asked, he wasn't sure he could move, certainly not towards the threat.

"Come on" She said, another pull. He was much to heavy for her to actually shift but it increased the pressure he was feeling. Seeing he wasn't going to move, and noticing the other patients staring she leaned down whispering something in his ear that had him on his feet in seconds. Still reluctant but now unable to resist, more terrified of the consequences, he followed her through to the dentist's office.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Webber, we're all just here for a check up?" The dentist questioned when they entered his office. Just the sight of the chair had Kelly fighting the urge to run. Erin held him firmly in place, talking with the dentist, he had no idea what they were saying but the middle aged man in the white coat seemed much too friendly to be a dentist. "Who wants to go first?" The dentist asked, not moving from his chair.

"We'll start with the big baby" Erin answered, pushing Kelly forward, he stumbled slightly but caught himself at the last second, refusing to fall into the chair.

"Take a seat, I'm just having a look" Dr Webber said kindly, sensing the battle between the two adults and Kelly's anxiety.

"See Shay, nothing to worry about" Erin teased as Kelly gave a final dejected look and sat down. Squeezing her hand so hard it hurt. "Look it's your chipmunk show" She pointed out when Shay drew her attention to the television above him on the ceiling.

"They're beavers" Kelly corrected, then frowned realising her attempt to distract him had worked, if only briefly.

"Okay, open wide for me" Dr Webber requested, having positioned himself right beside Kelly's head. For a second Kelly looked like he was going to cry, then he looked at Shay, smiling and pointing up at the television. Thinking of her he tried to relax, picturing himself on the couch with her, letting himself fall into the program as he opened his mouth. Dr Webber seized the opportunity, having a quick look around.

"Daddy has lots of teeth" Erin told Shay, knowing that the squirming toddler was next. Kelly was out of the chair the second Dr Webber confirmed what he had known all along, his teeth were perfectly fine. Much to Erin's surprise Kelly volunteered to take Shay, working with the dentist to get her seated on the 'magic chair'. The moment his teeth were no longer involved he was fine, joking and laughing to distract Shay while Dr Webber checked her teeth. Erin stood back feeling quite perplexed, he had gone from struggling with paralyzing fear to her normal happy husband in no time.

"These are perfect. Do you brush them?" Dr Webber questioned as he sat back, pleased with her teeth.

"No" Shay assured with a grin.

"Would you brush them with this?" Dr Webber questioned, producing a sparkly pink toothbrush.

"Tooffbrish!" Shay squealed as she accepted the present then held it out proudly to show her father.

"Say thank you" Kelly requested.

"Thank you" Shay repeated obediently.

"All done" Dr Webber said, lowering the chair so Shay could get off, walking over to show her mother the sparkly toothbrush. Erin had no issue taking her turn. Kelly entertained Shay with a plush toy tooth while they waited. Their three appointments took less than an hour, so they were home in time for morning tea.

"Anything else you're deathly afraid of but haven't told me?" Erin questioned as they sat down to eat their assorted fruit and biscuits. She never wanted that sort of surprise again.

"No, I'm really sorry" He apologised.

"I seriously thought you were going to be sick" She laughed, now it was funny.

"I don't even want to think about it" He grumbled shaking his head to dismiss the memory.

"But you were fine with Shay?" She questioned, confused.

"I was fine for Shay. She shouldn't have our fears" He replied, more thoughtfully than she had expected. She paused for a moment, reflecting on her own fears and decided he was right.

"Thank you" She said getting up to move around the table, sitting on his lap to hug him. "I love you" murmured against his shoulder, wanting to blame pregnancy hormones for the surge of emotion. The morning had proved he was just like any other human, weaknesses and strengths, but he wasn't just any other human. He was her husband and she felt incredibly lucky to have him.

"I love you too" He declared, kissing her nose gently before moving his hand quickly to deflect a piece of banana Shay had thrown. "Eat up so we can play hide and seek" He told Shay, keeping an arm around Erin as he helped Shay finish the last of her banana. They spent the rest of the morning playing hide and seek. Erin and Kelly taking turns to hide with Shay, both extremely competitive. It became a game of who could keep Shay the quiet the longest. Kelly claimed victory though Erin protested frustratedly, while they hadn't set any official rules she was sure that remaining inside the house was implied. "Daddy's going to make lunch to pay for cheating" Erin told Shay, frowning at Kelly.

"You never said we couldn't go outside" He complained. It was technically true but at the same time he knew it was against the rules and he'd done it anyway. With that in mind he made his way to the kitchen.

"I shouldn't have had to" She shrugged.

"You're just annoyed that you lost" He teased, looking in the fridge for inspiration for lunch.

"Because you cheated!" She insisted, pushing him aside so she could gather ingredients for salad wraps.

"I would have won even without that round" He reminded, taking Shay to compensate for the fact Erin had taken over lunch making.

"I demand a rematch!" She requested, unable to accept defeat.

"Fine by me!" He assured, confident he could repeat his game winning performance. They ate quickly then started again, strictly inside. They thought all was lost when Shay fell asleep but then decided to play on without her.

"You can't hide in the same place twice" Erin complained when she found him in the linen cupboard after searching for three quarters of an hour, having looked everywhere else before returning to his previous hiding place.

"Stop making up rules and just accept that I'm always going to win" Kelly suggested smugly.

"You are not" She complained.

"We can't have a rematch, we've run out of places to hide" He concluded, everywhere he looked he could see somewhere one of them had hidden, or attempted to.

"And time, Shay's swimming lesson starts in half an hour" She added, looking at the clock. Even though only one parent was allowed to participate in the lesson they both changed into swim wear before gently waking Shay and getting her ready. Erin was glad they had when the smell of the chlorine at the pool triggered a particularly strong wave of nausea, forcing her outside to wait. She hated to have missed the lesson but thought of it as an added opportunity for Kelly to spend time with Shay. Already starting to worry that her extra time at home would have an impact on their relationship. She didn't have a chance to think about it for very long when Kelly and Shay appeared, both apparently unsure on the use of towels. She ended up almost as wet as they were after a series of celebratory hugs. The drive home was quiet, Shay almost falling asleep. Wanting her to sleep well they worked together to keep her awake until a reasonable time for dinner. They continued to argue about ways to settle their hide and seek competition past Shay's bedtime until Kelly had to leave for work.


	72. Chapter 72

**Hello :D Just heads up that I had to edit the last sentence of yesterday's chapter because I kind of forgot that Kelly still has to work! **

**Wednesday**

"How do you feel about staying in bed this morning?" Erin asked Shay, feeling lazy she had barely woken when Shay crawled into bed with her. Snuggling with her until she refused to stay still any longer.

"Mama!" Shay complained kicking back the blankets.

"Okay, I suppose we need breakfast" Erin decided, pulling the blanket back up over Shay's head, eliciting a grunt of complaint then laughter as Shay fought against the sheets, and her mother's tickling hands.

"Food" Shay decided once she was free, clambering off the bed to make for the door.

"Yeah, you hungry?" Erin questioned as she followed.

"Yoghurt!" Shay called as she waited at the top of the stairs. Erin caught up and lifted Shay to her hip making her way to the bottom of the stairs just as the doorbell sounded.

"Who's that?" Erin asked Shay, moving to open the door without hesitation. She wasn't expecting anyone and she was still in her pajamas but she yanked the door open anyway. "Antonio. Hi, what's going on?" She questioned when she realised who it was.

"Hey, sorry. Gabby's having the baby. Matt only just called me but they've been at the hospital all night. I just thought I'd stop by and tell you on my way" Antonio explained quickly.

"Oh, okay. That's really exciting. Thanks" She replied, trying to process the flood of information.

"Well, I guess I'll see you at the hospital" He said turning to leave, eager to get to the hospital. Erin looked past him to her car, then to her keys, still hanging on their hook.

"Um...Antonio wait" She called after him, heart pounding as she considered what to say next. He was at the bottom of the steps but turned to look at her.

"What's up?" He asked, making his way back up the steps.

"Can you...could you please...drive me?" She managed eventually. Erin had never been one to ask for help but she didn't feel there was any alternative. She couldn't yet bring herself to drive again, it had ended so disastrously the last time.

"Sure, why?" He questioned as he tried to understand.

"I just...I can't...well I haven't...not with Shay" She stuttered, feeling pathetic for admitting weakness.

"The accident?" He enquired cautiously.

"Yeah" She nodded, making eye contact as she tried to judge his reaction.

"That's fine, normal, I'll just wait here while you get ready" He said, serving to remind her that she was still in her pajamas.

"Oh, sorry, come in. We'll be five minutes" She said, moving out the way so he could come inside before rushing off up the stairs to get ready. Ignoring Shay's cries for yoghurt as she got her dressed. Once they were both in comfortable, casual clothes Erin started to pack a bag with Shay's favourite toys. Rushing back downstairs and into the kitchen for yoghurt, fruit and muesli bars, stuffing them into the top of the bag before joining Antonio at the front door. Just touching the car keys made her feel sick as she handed them over. After giving her a concerned look he opened the door, leading the way to her car. Erin put Shay in the back then slid into the passenger seat, stowing the bag between her feet.

"You good?" Antonio questioned, not sure how careful to be.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I've been in cars, I just don't trust myself to drive with Shay. Not yet anyway. I know it's stupid"

"It isn't stupid, you were seriously injured and you have to protect her from that. I just have to add that it wasn't your fault and that I know for a fact you're a great driver"

"I know. I'll figure it out"

"Good, don't know how you're going to get her to all those classes otherwise"

"I guess I've been lucky so far..." She trailed off, she hadn't even started to think about how she was getting Shay to her Spanish class that afternoon. Eventually she would have to drive but she planned to put it off for as long as possible.

"How have you been anyway?" Antonio asked, breaking the silence.

"Fine. Good. No great actually. It's completely different but I like it and I think Shay does too"

"Mama yoghurt" Shay called from the backseat after hearing her name.

"Not long" Erin told Shay. "I give her yoghurt, she likes that at least" She added to Antonio, laughing at how easy Shay was to please most of the time.

"It's more than that and you know it, you're doing great"

"You're just being nice because you're excited to meet your nephew!"

"Well I'm excited about that but I'm serious. You made the right call. I wish I'd spent time with my kids when it mattered"

"It still matters and I know you've been making an effort. You've been to all of Diego's soccer games this season"

"True"

"Then you're doing what you can and I'm just doing what I can" She summarized. Their families were at very different stages so it only made sense for them to have very different measures of success.

"And that's all we can do" He concluded as they finally arrived at the hospital parking structure, paying before finding a space. They made their way inside, both familiar with the route to the maternity ward.

"Hey...um...you won't tell Kelly...about the driving thing...will you?" She questioned hesitantly as they made their way down a long, deserted corridor.

"He doesn't know?!" Antonio questioned, shocked that she had chosen to reveal her struggle to him but not her husband.

"Please?" She asked, watching him carefully as he made up his mind.

"Of course I won't. But you should" He replied seriously.

"Yeah. I will" She nodded as they entered the waiting room, familiar faces gathered in the far corner. Most of the firehouse 51 family were busy working to control a blaze at a tyre recycling plant but those who could be spared along with Cindy Herrmann, Matt's sister and a number of Gabby's friends were deep in conversation as they waited patiently for news. Given Matt's last update they didn't expect it to be much longer. After making her presence known Erin took Shay away from the crowd so they could sit and eat breakfast. Shay managed surprisingly well, holding the tub of yoghurt in one hand and her spoon in the other. Once they'd eaten Erin cleaned Shay with baby wipes and handed over her phone for entertainment, settling back to wait. Erin didn't expect Kelly and the rest of the truck and squad teams but they arrived an hour later, looking worn out.

"Hey" Kelly said, taking the seat next to his wife instead of the one next to Shay, too busy on the phone to even notice him.

"Hi, how was your morning?" She asked out of habit more than interest, the more detail he gave about his work the easier it was to worry about him.

"Crazy, have you heard anything yet?" He questioned, looking hopefully down the hall.

"Nope" She shook her head.

"Okay" He sighed, then started to smile, scanning the room as it became a grin.

"What?" She asked when the grin didn't leave his face after a few moments.

"Next time they'll be waiting for us" He answered, placing his hand on her belly, certain that any day now she would start to show.

"Yeah" She nodded, noticing Antonio watching her intently.

"You nervous?" He asked detecting the shift from genuine to fake smile.

"A little, it's hard not to be" She answered, shifting in her chair so she couldn't see Antonio.

"I'll be there this time though. I promise" He guaranteed,

"I hope so" She said before looking over her shoulder to see Antonio raise his eyebrows questioningly. She wanted to tell Kelly, he would understand her reluctance to drive but at the same time she was sure that it would wear off. If she could just wait until then he would never need to know how stupid she was being. Thankfully everyone was distracted by Matt's arrival, a bundle of blue blankets in his arms. He circled the room, proudly showing off his new son.

"He was born seventeen minutes ago and he weighs exactly eight pounds" Matt informed, gently rocking the baby to keep him quiet.

"Does he have a name?" Herrmann requested before anyone else got the chance.

"Aiden. Aiden Matthew Casey" Matt announced, Aiden started to cry as the crowd of family and firefighters fussed and fawned over him. "I'm going to take him back, feel free to come congratulate my amazing wife" He added when he couldn't settle Aiden.

"Do you want to stay with Shay?" Erin asked Kelly, just returning from looking at the baby.

"Sure" He agreed. "She was cuter" He added in a whisper, making Erin laugh. She watched as Kelly lifted Shay onto his lap, instantly starting to help her with the phone game, then got up. Following the line of people to Gabby's bedside.

"Congratulations, he's beautiful" Erin complimented, now that she had a closer look at the baby she had to agree with Kelly. Shay had been so delicate and feminine where Aiden definitely looked like a boy, chubby cheeks and an almost square face.

"Thanks, I'm so glad he's finally here" Gabby smiled stroking his cheek.

"Don't worry, it'll start to feel real soon" She advised.

"Good" Gabby laughed. They only managed to speak briefly before Erin was forced to move on, saying a quick goodbye as the next person took her place. After a chat with Cindy, during which she agreed to watch the five Herrmann children the following afternoon, she made her way back to the waiting room. Becoming nervous when she saw Antonio and Kelly in conversation. Quickly moving towards them she gave Antonio a warning look before recommending he go see Gabby and the baby.

"I was on my way, can I talk to you for a sec?" Antonio asked as he got up.

"Sure" She agreed, letting him lead her across the room to a quiet corner.

"Don't worry about the car situation, I'll hang around here until Laura and the kids arrive and she can drop me off" He explained.

"Oh, okay. Thanks" Erin accepted as she processed what he was saying, he had left his car out the front of her house. She hadn't even considered it so she was glad he had.

"We were planning on organising something for Voight's birthday, we'll let you know what we come up with" He added, spotting a group of cousins and deciding not to try to talk to his sister until they had.

"He hates his birthday" She cautioned.

"Yeah but we need a reason to get everyone together" He shrugged.

"Okay" She finished, thankful he hadn't raised anything to do with driving. Luck continued to be on her side on that matter. Kelly drove her home and a message on their answering machine cancelled the Spanish class. She mightn't have had her morning in bed but made up for it all afternoon, using the laptop to play movies for Shay while she worked out her options. 'I'm afraid of driving with our daughter in the car in case there's another accident that kills us' was the best she could come up with so she decided not to bother him. She decided to tell him that she'd volunteered them to babysit the Herrmann kids the following night over dinner instead.

**Credit to Sandygirl for naming the Dawsey baby :D**


	73. Chapter 73

**Thursday**

"Morning" Kelly called over the sound of the shower.

"Morning" Erin replied, reaching for the tap after a final rinse. Much to her surprise his hand stopped hers just as she made contact with the cold metal. "What are you doing?" She laughed, turning to face him as he pulled their bodies together under the stream of hot water.

"Well I wake up to my gorgeous wife naked in the shower, what am I supposed to do?" He questioned turning them so the water hit his back as he kissed her.

"Wait your turn?" She suggested, pulling away so she could get out.

"Not likely" He chuckled as he stopped her, maneuvering her under the water as he blocked her escape. She gasped at how cold the tiles were when he pressed her to them, seizing the opportunity to steal a kiss from her parted lips.

"I love you very much but we don't have time for this right now. Shay's going to wake up any minute" Erin tried to reason, giving him a searing kiss before pushing him away.

"She can wait" He replied running his hands down her sides, pulling her against himself at the same time.

"You know she can't. Anyway she has playgroup this morning" Erin said firmly, placing both hands on his chest.

"She already knows how to play" Kelly argued, leaning in to suck at her earlobe. Fighting the moan rising in her throat she slid her hands up his chest and neck, resting them on either side of his face.

"But she doesn't know how to share" She answered, looking deeply into his eyes as she tried to convey her own reluctance to leave the shower.

"Neither do I" He complained, sensing she wasn't going to give in.

"Then you should probably come too" She proposed, though he really had no say in the matter, he was their oblivious chauffeur. She started to slide the door open.

"But..." He whined, letting his hand fall short of its target, her shoulder. Water beading on her skin as she moved away from the spray of water.

"Maybe some other time" She smiled, renewing his hope as she stepped out into the cool air.

"Tonight?" He asked eagerly.

"We're babysitting for the Herrmann's tonight" She reminded gently, pulling the towel around herself.

"Ugh...why do you do this to me?" He complained turning his face under the water, hoping it could wash away his frustration.

"I'm sorry" She apologised, trying to make eye contact through the condensation on the glass.

"Go away" He said grumpily, clearing a section so he could look at her, wrapped in a towel much to his disappointment.

"Don't take too long" She instructed before leaving him to shower while she sought clothes in the bedroom. While he was a little annoyed at her he still kept his shower short, joining her in the bedroom before she was even fully dressed. Wearing jeans and a crisp white bra she stood looking thoughtfully at her shirt choices.

"I think you should wear that one" He contributed pointing at a maroon shirt before moving to get dressed himself.

"That's the tightest shirt I own" She challenged, raising her eyebrows before

"I know, I swear I can see it today" He said, freezing halfway through pulling on his jeans to reach across to her belly.

"You cannot" Erin protested, turning sideways in the mirror to look for herself. "You can!" She realised proudly, running her own hand over the distinct protrusion, it wasn't much but it definitely hadn't been there a few days ago.

"I think we should celebrate...in the shower" He suggested hopefully, dropping his jeans before tugging the shirt from her hand. She considered it for a second before giving a laugh of disbelief as Shay appeared at the door, looking stunned. Roary the lion clutched in the hand at end of the arm protruding from the neck hole of her pajama shirt. All indications of very heavy sleep.

"Good morning princess" Erin said, moving to the doorway to fix Shay's shirt.

"Mama" Shay greeted, happy to be scooped into a hug once her arm was through the sleeve.

"Did you sleep well?" Kelly asked, trading Erin's shirt for Shay. She nodded vigorously, before starting to babble about a tiger in the bath. Kelly listened intently then asked questions as Erin put on the shirt. Unable to help herself from staring into the mirror as she pulled her hair up then ushered her family downstairs. Breakfast, beavers and bows later they were on their way to the indoor play center for playgroup. Kelly had never been before and had the wondrous expression of a child in a candy store when he saw the rainbow play equipment. Erin settled in to drink her hot chocolate and chat with the other mothers while Kelly ran off to play, initially just with Shay then with the other toddlers as well. The conversation branched off and Erin took the opportunity to talk to a breastfeeding mother about the introduction of a second baby to the family. Fay had plenty of practical advice but made sure Erin knew it wasn't going to be easy. The recommendation of spending time introducing Shay to a baby so she had some idea what to expect wasn't something Erin had considered. The timing of Aiden's birth was particularly convenient, in a few months he would be awake long enough for an introduction and Shay would be questioning her mother's expanding belly. Kelly returned sweaty and exhausted, buying himself a sports drink before falling into the vacant chair next to Erin.

"Having fun?" She questioned as he half emptied the bottle of it's bright red contents. Her only concern was that Shay would want to copy her father, anything that colour couldn't possibly be healthy.

"Yes, this place is awesome! We have to have her next birthday here" He answered excitedly.

"That's a good idea, though after Hank's next weekend, your birthday is closest" She reminded, wondering why he was planning Shay's birthday before his own.

"Can I have my birthday here?" He asked, clearly he hadn't even had considered it.

"If you want" She laughed, wondering if he was being serious.

"I haven't had a birthday party for ages" He reflected, he hadn't had the sort of party he'd be willing to let Shay attend since his eight birthday, after that it had been paintball and years of wild, drunken nights.

"Do you want a party? I thought you liked cake at work and dinner with me" She questioned knowing they hadn't done anything particularly memorable for the last few years.

"The last few birthday's have been the best of my life, having you and Shay to share them with. But I think a party could be fun" He replied. His family were the best present he was ever going to get, birthday's and Christmas couldn't compete.

"You're too sweet and I have plenty of free time for party planning" Erin smiled, tempted to give him hug.

"Good point. I think we should have Shay's birthday here. That way you can make my birthday party a surprise" He encouraged.

"Okay" She agreed, looking forward to the challenge. Starting to think about themes and locations while he sipped at his drink.

"You should get Shay to show you her game in the ball pit" Kelly suggested after a few minutes.

"Is she throwing them at other children again?" Erin questioned, looking across to the group of children, currently under the supervision of another parent.

"No, she sneaks up behind them and puts them in their shirts. Or down their pants..." He explained, much too proud of Shay's mischievous tendencies.

"That's not nice, she'll make one of them cry" Erin complained.

"She already has" He laughed.

"You're okay with our daughter being a bully?" She demanded, struggling to see how it was amusing.

"She isn't a bully, I made her apologise" He defended quickly.

"That doesn't make it okay, you can't do something mean and expect an apology to fix it" She tried to justify.

"Don't over analyse it, just go watch her shove balls down little boy's pants" He responded, unable to keep the smile off his face.

"Not funny" She said, shaking her head at his immaturity as she got up. Determined to correct Shay's behaviour before it caused an issue.

"Very funny" He corrected as she walked away. Erin distracted Shay by teaching her to spin the balls. Looking back over to see her husband surrounded by women. They'd descended like scavengers on a carcass, all talking at him excitedly. Even from across the room she could see a few blatantly flirting with him. It was hard not to be jealous when he seemed to be enjoying the attention. When a blonde reached over to feel his bicep Erin couldn't stand it any longer. She collected Shay before pushing through the crowd, women dispersing rapidly as they realised he wasn't alone.

"Time to go" She snapped at him before making her way to the exit.

"I thought playgroup was about learning to share" He teased as he followed along after her. She couldn't believe that he'd thrown her words back at her, or that they could hurt quite so much. Angry didn't even begin to describe what she was feeling as she opened and closed her mouth, fighting to find the right words, any words. "I'm sorry, I was joking" He added before she could respond.

"Well don't" she complained, slamming the car door to vent her frustration.

"I'm really sorry" He apologised sincerely, refusing to start the car until she made eye contact.

"Good" She frowned, still not sure she could forgive him.

"I think it's cute that you care" He informed, smiling when he thought about how quickly the women had moved on when Erin had arrived.

"Kelly, I married you. I'm raising my child with you. I'm having your baby! I care" She declared adamantly.

"Our child, our baby" He amended.

"I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have married such an attractive man" She said after taking a moment to calm herself. It was a complete over reaction, while he hadn't turned them away he certainly hadn't reciprocated. She pretty much deserved it after leaving him in the shower.

"None of them could ever come close" He assured, placing a hand on her knee as he continued to drive. Once they arrived home he banished her from the kitchen while he made morning tea. Carefully sandwiching peanut butter between slices of banana before dipping the whole thing in chocolate. Erin used the time to do washing, always astonished at how quickly it seemed to accumulate. When he finally called her into the kitchen she was almost brought to tears by the gesture. Only able to control herself by questioning how he had managed to do it without Shay ending up covered in chocolate. Erin's biscuit making adventure had made her believe their daughter was some sort of chocolate magnet. Eating way too many of the treats they barely felt like lunch.

Before sending him to the shops to buy the ingredients to make more they discussed possible activities for the evening. Their previous babysitting adventures had taught them to never arrive unprepared. Coming up with something that would appeal to all six children was difficult but eventually they settled on balloons and bubble mix. Shay was still napping when he returned with everything they could possibly need for the afternoon. He did his best to draw Erin's attention away from the medical drama she was watching. Whispering to and kissing the exposed skin between her shirt and jeans.

"I think you need a shower" She suggested the moment the show ended, turning off the television before watching the preview for the next episode.

"Really?" He questioned sitting up straight.

"You're the one who works to pay the water bill" She shrugged as he lifted her off the couch and carried her upstairs. Even with Shay exhausted after her morning at the play center he knew their time was limited, undressing while the shower warmed up. They stumbled into the shower, Kelly skillfully adjusting the water temperature while kissing her hungrily. It was steamy enough without scalding water pouring down on them. Every inch of skin demanded his attention, so he started kissing, biting and sucking his way along the trails the water left as it cascaded down her body. Claiming his lips when he stopped to look at her gave her the chance she needed. Backing him against the wall as she ran her hands down his arms and chest loving the muscular contours her fingertips found. The moment he had the chance he turned the tables lifting her and pressing her to the wall. Wrapping her legs around him as he positioned himself, drawing out a moan as he entered her. They froze for a moment, making eye contact before he started to move. Slowly at first then with increasing urgency as her moaning and muttering spurred him on. He lost his grip for a second with blissful results as gravity forced her to meet his thrust. Repeating the movement once then twice propelling them over the edge. He set her down, cupping her face in his hands for a slow, passion filled kiss. They took a moment, wordlessly communicating, before returning to reality, turning off the water and pulling towels around each other. Dried and dressed they got on with their day, Erin returning to the laundry while Kelly collected Shay and moved to the kitchen.

* * *

"I think we'd have more fun here" Cindy complained when she saw the supplies Kelly carried.

"Probably" Chris agreed, neither looking forward to the amateur play they had found themselves with tickets to.

"Well we've been working on our balloon animals all afternoon so you have to go" Erin explained, handing Cindy her bag before leading them to the door.

"We're coming home early if it's boring" Chris warned, looking longingly into the lounge as Kelly twisted a balloon into a bear.

"Alright" Erin accepted as they made their way to the car, she waved until they were out of sight then rushed inside, eager to join in. Once each of the children had the animal they requested they played peacefully for a little while. Then rough play led to the loss of a balloon giraffe and alligator. To avoid an argument Erin and Kelly continued to produce animals, feeling like the entertainment at a children's party. The next problem occurred when they started to run out of particular colours, then balloons altogether. Balloon animals were discarded in favour of bubble mix, causing it's own fair share of tears following a spill and a taste. Kenny and Shay weren't coordinated enough to make their own bubbles but had fun popping them instead. Erin cleaned bubbled mixture residue from the furniture while Kelly helped the six children to wash their hands. Dinner was hectic to say the least, they only got through by bribing the children with dessert. Bedtime couldn't come soon enough, both adults struggling to understand how the children could keep going. Lacking motivation they put on a movie, carrying the children to bed one by one as they fell asleep.

"What do we do with all these?" Kelly questioned looking at the pile of balloon animals.

"I don't know, just leave them there?" Erin replied, shifting on the couch so she could see how many remained.

"They should be home soon" He commented, checking the clock as he tidied the last of the toys away before joining her on the couch.

"Then you have to go to work" She complained.

"We've had a busy day though, I'm hoping for a quiet night" He answered, laying back to rest his eyes for a moment.

"You have to be extra careful if you're tired" Erin cautioned, shifting a little to relieve the pins and needles in her arm. .

"What do you have planned for tomorrow?" He asked, changing the subject before he had to tell her for the millionth time that he was always careful.

"Music and a visit to the library I think" She said, watching Shay's face form a smile even in her sleep, that had to be a good sign.

"She'll love that" He smiled, brushing the hair from over Shay's eyes , they'd managed to lose both pink hair bows

"Variety in bedtime stories would be nice" She agreed.

"Yeah, I don't even need to read them anymore" He laughed, it was helpful when Shay refused to turn the pages.

"Is that them?" She questioned, hearing a car door close just outside.

"I'll go see" He answered mustering all his remaining energy to get up. Once Chris and Cindy were inside Kelly gave a quick report of the evening before saying goodnight and joining Erin and Shay in the car. They drove home quietly and got Shay into bed. It made him late but Kelly refused to leave until his wife was sleeping soundly.

**Thursday has always been my favourite day of the week :D Erin might need to drive to get to music and the library tomorrow... She****'s only just showing so it's early days as far as the pregnancy is concerned. By detailing what they're doing each day of the week I won't feel so bad when I skip ahead. I'm glad you're all as excited about baby no. 2 as I am! **


	74. Chapter 74

**Friday**

"Okay, let's do this" Erin said, more to herself than Shay, who didn't seem at all fazed by her mother's progress so far. They'd eaten breakfast, gotten dressed and ready to leave. Then they'd spent five minutes at the front door while Erin calmed herself enough to hold her keys. Feeling the weight of the responsibility that came with them more than ever before. After running upstairs to vomit and repeating the process she was ready for the next step. Making her way to the car while combating the negative thoughts swirling in her head. She took twice as long as usual to put Shay into her car seat, readjusting the straps until she was satisfied they would keep her precious daughter safe.

"Mama sing!" Shay requested once her mother joined her in the car. Erin couldn't remember ever feeling more uncomfortable in the drivers seat, her practical driving test could never compare.

"Not right now" Erin replied, trying to focus on getting the key into the car, hands shaking violently despite her determination. Kelly had faced his fear of the dentist for Shay and now she had to do the same so Shay could go to music. Shay liked music, or at least she loved to sing in the car and bang on pots and pans. Taking a deep breath Erin started the car, feeling instantly accomplished. Then muscle memory took over as she put the car into gear, turning in her seat ready to reverse. Rather than the driveway, footpath and street beyond all she could see was Shay, innocent blue eyes and a wide grin. "Stop being so stupid" Erin scolded herself as she turned, letting her head flop forward as she closed her eyes and tried to overcome the panic rising in her chest. Not for a moment had she lost confidence in her own ability to drive, it was everyone else on the roads that she was worried about. She had never been able to account for them before but she'd still spent years driving completely carefree.

"Mama" Shay complained, kicking her legs to show her frustration at the car still being stationary and silent.

"I know" Erin answered, taking a calming breath as she straightened, ready to try again. Her focus shifted to the rear view mirror, making eye contact with Shay. The toddler pressed her hand to her mouth to blow a kiss, something she usually only did to say goodbye. It was too much for Erin who turned off the car and got out. Relief replacing the negative thoughts as she lifted Shay out of the car seat and hugged her to her chest. "I'm sorry" She apologised in a tiny whisper, well aware that she was letting Shay down. Music class just wasn't worth risking their lives.

"No Mama car?" Shay questioned placing a hand on her mother's cheek to look at her properly.

"Not today. I'm really sorry" Erin said as she walked slowly back towards the front door.

"Why?" Shay enquired.

"Because I love you" She answered without having to think.

"Why?" Shay repeated. Erin knew it didn't mean anything, she could go on for hours just using that one word.

"You're the best thing I've ever done" Erin smiled, stopping on the bottom step. "And I'm going to take you to music" She decided as she realised there was another way. They didn't live very far from the nearest train station and she already knew there was one across the road from the school where the music classes were held. She didn't know much about the train network, only ever having used it to chase fugitives before. Buying a ticket was surprisingly complex and Erin was thankful when an employee at the station came to her assistance. The train into the city was full of business people and students, they found a vacant seat near the door and sat down.

The next train was completely different and Erin suddenly understood why they had such a bad reputation. Eight youths, looking as if they were up to no good crowded one end of the carriage while a drunken man sang and vomited at the other. Trapped in the middle were half a dozen reasonable looking passengers, occupying the seats and refusing to make eye contact. Feeling determined Erin made her way towards the vacant row of seats closest the hoodie wearing teens. Sensing her intentions they spread out, stretching their legs across to take all the seats. With a sigh and a frown she resigned to standing, Shay on one hip and her bag on the opposite shoulder. It was only three stops until they got off anyway.

The music class was well worth it, run by a team of professional musicians who worked to nurture foundational music awareness through play. It was no surprise to Erin that Shay was drawn to the drums, bashing away to be make the loudest noise. Once the toddlers had experimented with each of the instruments they sat and listened to a song then danced to another before being divided into small groups to rotate through the instruments . After throwing a tantrum at the piano Shay sat out for a few minutes, rejoining the group when the class and parents were called to make a circle. Feeling like a failure for the second time that morning Erin sat silently as they sang nursery rhymes she had never heard before. Beyond 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' she was clueless, unable to babble along wordlessly the way Shay did. The other parents even seemed to know the actions that accompanied the songs, something she attempted to replicate. Determined to do a better job the following week Erin set herself the homework task of learning nursery rhymes. She decided to focus on the positives of the lesson as they wandered to the library, calling Kelly along the way.

"I'm pretty sure Shay's going to be in a rock band when she grows up" Erin informed after they exchanged greetings.

"Really? Why?" Kelly asked, looking forward to hearing about Shay's latest adventure.

"She loves playing drums" She explained, dodging several other pedestrians as Shay decided to swing from her hand.

"Awesome" He laughed.

"I filmed it so you can see tonight" She added, knowing how much he hated to miss Shay being cute.

"Can't wait" He replied, Erin knew exactly which smile he wore.

"Busy day?" She questioned.

"Not really" He answered. "Umm...it's great that you called though because I need to ask you something."

"Yeah?" She wondered impatiently, unsure where he was taking their conversation.

"Would you mind if I spent the afternoon with the guys tomorrow? The hockey season starts soon and we managed to get Molly's so we we're going to rewatch all the best games from the last few seasons" He asked cautiously.

"Of course I don't mind, sounds fun" She shrugged.

"You sure?" He questioned not sure she wasn't just pretending to be okay with it.

"Certain" She assured making sure she sounded genuine. A quiet afternoon at home would give her a chance to cross some things off her to do list.

"I don't know what time we'll finish" He added, almost sounding as if he was trying to get out of it.

"That doesn't matter as long as you're having fun" Erin replied absentmindedly, too busy crossing a road to bother checking that he actually wanted to go.

"And I have Sunday off so we can do something together then" He proposed, interrupted by the bell calling him to work. "Gotta go, love you" He finished quickly.

"Love you too, stay safe" She answered though she knew he was already gone. Putting her phone back in her pocket freed her hands so she could pick up Shay.

"Mama" Shay complained, having quite enjoyed her game of swinging and leaping .

"We're going to get some new stories" Erin consoled as they crossed the courtyard in front of the library.

"No bed!" Shay cried, immediately connecting story time with bedtime.

"Just stories" Erin explained, hoping Shay would understand when she saw the shelves of books. The entire bottom floor of the building was dedicated to children's literature. Decorated with bright colors and providing plenty of spaces to sit and read. Before they could look at the books Erin filled out and submitted a membership form, the man at the desk said her card would be ready for collection by the time they were ready to borrow. He was absolutely correct. They managed to spend three hours at the library, an hour just exploring before heading to a nearby cafe for lunch. Upon their return they started collecting books to borrow, a ever-growing collection that required much pruning. Erin discovered a section of books with accompanying CDs and started looking for anything to do with nursery rhymes. Meanwhile Shay burrowed under a bean bag and fell asleep. There was a moment of terror between noticing Shay was missing and locating her fast asleep but otherwise it was a surprisingly calm outing. Not wanting to wake Shay, Erin gently transferred her to her shoulder and moved upstairs, reading a parenting magazine, and cringing frequently, until Shay woke up. They borrowed their books and CDs, purchasing a sturdy library bag to help carry them home at the same time. Being alone in a train carriage was equally as frightening as sharing one with people of questionable character. The walk home after the train had Erin tired enough for a nap but Shay was pumped and ready to play. Erin decided on hide and seek, limited to the lounge room so she barely needed to leave the couch. Slowly drifting off to sleep as she slid to a reclined position.

"Mama wakey" Shay tried to whisper, pulling at the hair obscuring her mother's face.

"Mmm?" Erin groaned fighting to stay asleep.

"Mama up!" Shay demanded, adding a slap for good measure. Erin extended her arm, pushing Shay away as she slowly opened her eyes.

"I'm up" She yawned as she sat up, checking the time on her phone. The fifteen minute nap left her feeling worse. Pushing through the exhaustion she headed to the kitchen, assigning Shay minor tasks as she set about cooking meals to freeze and take to the Casey's over the weekend. Then she opted for an early dinner, planning to get Shay into bed early as well. Shay refused to leave the bath until the water was almost cold and then took forever to choose which of the library books she wanted to be read. Erin knew it was by chance but couldn't help but groan when Shay selected the longest book. Shay wasn't fooled when she tried to provide a single sentence ending to the story either. Thankfully Kelly arrived home and took over. Erin was snoring loudly by the time he made it to bed, having given in to Shay's request for another story.

**Tomorrow will be the last full day chapter, after that things will get back to normal. Some people have enjoyed the change of pace (myself included) but I understand that it wasn't for everyone. Either way thanks for reading, without you I wouldn't be able to learn and grow as a writer. **

**P.S - I'm assuming Ice Hockey has seasons... I could Google it but I'm feeling really lazy right now :/ **


	75. Chapter 75

**Saturday**

"Bacon" Kelly whispered, holding the plate in one hand while using the other to pull the sheet back from Erin's face. Then he brushed a few strands of hair out of the way, eyes falling on her new scar, it was fading but remained visible. A reminder he didn't need. He let his finger hover over the shiny pink line, feeling instantly guilty when her eyes flew open. They took a second to focus as he pulled his hand way.

"Move!" She instructed, a great deal of urgency in her voice. The time he took to process what she had said was enough for her to come up with an alternative, retreating across the bed. Not stopping there she continued her hasty journey to the bathroom, stomach heaving though there was nothing to expel. Kelly was still struggling to figure out what had happened, initially blaming himself then realising it was more likely the food that had caused her to flee. Sliding the plate onto the bedside table he decided to follow her.

"I am so sorry" He apologised from the doorway.

"Not your fault" She sighed leaning heavily on the basin. Waking and moving so quickly had her heart racing but everything was still hazy.

"Kinda is" He laughed, concern put aside as he tried to lighten the mood. Moving across the tiled floor to stand behind her, running his hands down her bare arms before resting them on the beginnings of a baby bump.

"You're right…but at the same time you tried to bring me breakfast in bed. Can't really complain" She replied, resting her head under his chin.

"I can though, you snored all night!" He teased. Fighting the nausea she opened her eyes, he looked exhausted, his smile couldn't hide the fact he'd barely slept.

"That explains the sore throat" She grumbled.

"I can kiss it better" He offered enthusiastically, leaning down to kiss her neck. Erin closed her eyes and tried to enjoy the moment.

"Thank you" She whispered as he continued to move his mouth down and along her collar bone. "Where's Shay?" She questioned hesitantly, she wished they could stay like this forever but knew just how much trouble Shay could cause when left unsupervised.

"Sleeping on the couch...she woke up ravenous, ate enough to feed a football team then fell asleep" He explained with a laugh and a proud smile.

"Nice" She nodded, a hint of disapproval in her tone. Shay had definitely inherited her father's ability to eat and eat and eat.

"She had a late night too" He reminded.

"I know. I just don't want to think about food, any food. I feel sea sick" Erin complained "or plane sick" she added thinking back to the horrid plane ride to the island on their honeymoon. Just like on that journey she knew it would all be well worth it in the end.

"Back to bed?" He asked, leading her by the hand back towards the bedroom.

"Mmm...But can you take the food away and open the window first? And turn on the fan?" She asked not sure she could bear the slightest whiff of food.

"Of course" Kelly laughed, reluctantly letting go of her hand to rush to comply.

"Thank you" She called after him, turning back around to look at herself in the mirror. She could see it, underneath all the happiness was guilt and frustration. There was no way she would have been tired enough to snore all night if she hadn't done so much walking around the city, and she'd only walked because she was too scared to drive.

"Alright, all clear" He informed upon his return. Erin tore her eyes from the mirror and left the bathroom, determined that as soon as the nausea passed she would do something to get behind the wheel again. She didn't yet know what but it gave her something to think about while she lay in bed, willing the world to stop spinning. Kelly climbed in after her, wrapping his arms around her to hold her close, deep in his own thoughts.

"Are you okay?" She questioned when she noticed the way he was staring, eyes distant but locked on her face.

"Yeah" He tried to assure though she could pick it was a lie by the way his eyes met hers then darted away. His attempt to cover it with a very fake sneeze had the guilty look returning.

"Okay" She nodded, accepting his response purely because he didn't lie often and when he did it was usually minor. Embarrassed and frustrated to be so easily read he buried his face between her neck and shoulder, breathing in the familiar and comforting scent of her shampoo. Their minds continued to race as their bodies relaxed, breathing slowing as sleep crept in. It didn't last long, both woken by the sudden and unexpected sound of gunshots downstairs. They almost tripped over each other in their desperation to locate the source of the sound, thoughts on nothing but Shay. As they rounded the doorway into the lounge room they were massively relieved to find that Shay was responsible for the sounds, having located the remote and turned on the television. Increasing the volume of the violent action movie until the gunshots sounded real. Erin grabbed Shay, shielding her from the very gruesome scene on the television while Kelly seized the remote. Pressing the red button in the top corner so the screen went black.

"Stress like that can't be good for the baby" Kelly concluded, feeling the post adrenaline slump particularly acutely himself. He steered Erin to the couch, making her sit down with Shay on her lap.

"We'll be alright" She guaranteed, referring to all four of them. Kelly pulled his wife and daughter into his arms, holding them tight to keep them safe. Erin could sense his need for comfort and tried to be supportive by not fighting the hug, it would have been easier if she knew what he was thinking and feeling.

"Yes we will" He agreed after a few moments, squeezing them tighter despite Shay's attempts to escape. Eventually she gave in to the fact that he wasn't going to let them go and shifted to be sandwiched between her parents.

"I should probably make a start" Erin said, wanting to put her plan into action. That involved keeping busy until he left for Molly's, after that she could actually start working on her fear.

"On?" He questioned. Certain he could talk her into staying in his arms, at least all morning.

"The usual: washing, cleaning, cooking... No matter how hard I try to fight it, the truth is that I'm a housewife now. Not a very good one unless I get up" She argued, struggling against his grip.

"There is nothing wrong with being a housewife" He countered, sensing she wasn't at all happy.

"Other than being called a housewife" She snapped, finally managing to wriggle free of his hold.

"We have a house, and you're my beautiful wife. What's so bad about that?" He asked, hoping a compliment would calm her.

"It implies that I'm stuck here" She retorted, busying herself by removing the cushion covers,

"That's not a bad thing" He shrugged, at home she was safe. Erin was thinking exactly the same thing, angered and determined to regain the freedom she had lost.

"Whatever? She finalised, rushing from the room to gather enough washing for a load. Kelly cuddled Shay instead, though soon she had wriggled out of his grip as well, more interested in the toys in her toy box. Erin worked through her list of household chores while Kelly entertained Shay.

"Do you feel like lunch?" He asked when he found Erin sorting clothes into Shay's wardrobe a few hours later.

"Yeah sure" She agreed, moving on to putting fresh sheets on Shay's bed as he watched. Conflicted by the desire to help her both with the sheets and by providing food he concluded to try both. He got everything so badly tangled that she had to start again, not before kicking him out. Surprisingly, Shay was much more helpful, fighting to get her pillow into it's case though it was almost as big as she was. Kelly called them down to lunch just as she finished in Shay's room. They ate in silence, again too occupied by their own thoughts to converse. Erin wanted to know what was going on with Kelly, he kept looking at her the exact same way, as if she were going to disappear at any moment. That coupled with his constant need to be in contact made her think his lie wasn't trivial at all. Her need to get to the bottom of it was overshadowed by her thoughts about driving, constantly questioning the plan she had formulated. It wasn't until Kelly left for Molly's that she could even determine if it was at all viable.

"Antonio. Hi, I need your help" She requested when the detective finally answered his phone.

"What's up?" He asked, that he would help her was never in question, all he needed was to know what had to be done.

"I still can't drive and I was wondering if you could help me...please" She added, asking for help was so foreign that she wasn't sure how to phrase her request.

"Sure thing. I can be at your place in ten, we'll talk" He replied.

"Alright" She agreed. There wasn't much point in a farewell seeing as they'd be seeing each other again in minutes. The motivation to talk to Antonio instead of Kelly was due to the fact that he was already familiar with the problem. She was also confident he understood the underlying cause of the issue, her all-consuming need to protect Shay and the baby from the dangers of the road. Antonio arrived precisely ten minutes later, Erin welcomed him through to the lounge room, listening for the movement upstairs that would indicate Shay waking.

"Shall we start?" Antonio questioned once she'd fussed around getting him a drink.

"Okay, how?" She asked.

"Explain the problem" He instructed, perception of the incident was important in determining

"I was in a car accident two weeks ago and I haven't been able to drive since. The accident wasn't my fault but there's no way I can take risks with the lives of the people I love" She summarised for him, though it was nothing he didn't already know.

"What about the benefits, Shay's classes are good for her and she has fun at them. You need to be able to drive to get her to them. The risks of another accident occurring are so incredibly low that you just need to focus on the benefits" He tried to reason, though he could tell she wasn't paying much attention.

"I've thought all of this before" She explained, he knew she had but there was a big difference between thinking about it, talking about it and doing it.

"Alright, let's move on to the practical element then" He replied, placing his drink on the coffee table before getting up.

"What?" She demanded, suddenly overwhelmed by anxiety. Not knowing what he had planned made it worse.

"I'm assuming that's Shay not a possum, go get her and meet me at your car" Antonio added, listening to the steady thud upstairs.

"But I can't..." She protested, even though she found herself getting up off the couch to do as she had been told.

"You wanted my help and you're getting it" He smiled, following her out to the hall.

"So what are we doing?" She questioned when she joined him in the car after putting Shay in the back. Thankful Antonio had taken the driver's seat.

"I'm going to drive you out to the industrial estate near the airport. It's Saturday so the place will be deserted, perfect for you to drive around without needing to worry" He explained gently, sensing her nervousness.

"Starting small?" Erin asked, unable to stop herself checking both ways before they turned out onto the street.

"And building up. Once you're comfortable we'll move to increasingly busy areas" He finished, he was making it up as he went along but it sounded fairly reasonable.

"Thank you" She said softly, it was hard enough admitting defeat and asking for help. Knowing that help had arrived in under ten minutes was definitely something she hadn't expected.

"Don't thank me, just tell Kelly. He can take you out driving just as easily as I can" Antonio requested as an alternative payment.

"He's out tonight but I'll do it first thing in the morning" She agreed, having been meaning to discuss it with her husband the whole time. Now that she was doing something to deal with the problem she felt much better about initiating that conversation.

"Promise?" He demanded.

"I promise to tell Kelly in the next twenty-four hours" Erin agreed sincerely.

"Good" He nodded as they arrived at their destination, and handed over the keys. Erin managed to drive around the industrial estate with no issue, there were no unpredictable other road users to compete with and she could feel her confidence growing. Attempting then to drive home was definitely too much, the first moving car she saw had her pulling over to return to the safe, passenger side. It wasn't going to be the miracle fix she had dreamed of but it was positive progress.

**This is only 2/3 of what I wanted to happen this chapter but I was falling asleep on my keyboard... I figured that getting this up was better than nothing. I do apologise though for failing to execute my plan. Especially since I won't be able to update tomorrow (work, study and doctors appointments). I will get back on track! I'm lacking energy not enthusiasm that's for sure :D **

**P.S - Just to clarify for Sandygirl and anyone else who's wondering when I talk about skipping time I just mean a few weeks here and there to get the baby here faster... But I had a plot idea today that might put that off for a few more chapters anyway. I'm not a very patient person but at the same times I don't want to miss opportunities by rushing the way I did in A New Beginning...**


	76. Chapter 76

**Sunday**

For the second time in twenty-four hours Erin woke with a start. Not only did she have no idea how much time had passed since she'd fallen asleep but she also didn't know why someone's mouth was pressed to hers. It only took a second for her to recognise her husband, familiar lips and scent giving him away in the darkness. "Ugh! What?" She questioned as she pushed him back, still not sure if she was actually awake.

"I love you" He whispered before leaning down to kiss her again.

"Are you drunk?" Erin demanded, tasting beer on his lips now that she was fully conscious. She'd tried to wait up for him, falling asleep some time after eleven when he still hadn't returned from his hockey night. Of course she'd expected him to drink, but not to excess.

"Maybe" He said with a laugh, clearly highly amused by the question. "Erin, I love you" He announced, giggling as he kissed her nose.

"That's nice" She nodded before rolling away, determined to get back to sleep as quickly as possible.

"I'm never going to let go" He assured, circling his arms around her from behind and nuzzling against her neck.

"Are you ever going to shut up?" She asked pointedly, giving him a stern look despite the fact it was too dark for him to see it.

"You're so beautiful" He replied knowing she was looking in his direction.

"I won't be if I don't get enough sleep" She growled, wishing she could reach another pillow to block out his words.

"Yes you will. You're always beautiful" He assured rolling her back so he could press his lips to her forehead, content to rest in that position for ever.

"Ssh!" She hissed, starting to assess her options.

"I love you" He breathed after a few seconds of silence.

"Kelly go to sleep" Erin instructed firmly.

"But I love you" He whined.

"You can love me in the morning" She snapped trying to wriggle into a more comfortable position.

"In the shower? That was fun" He questioned, sliding his hand up her shirt to rest at the curve of her waist.

"Go. To. Sleep" She coached, removing his hand and forcing him to lie flat on his back. With him still, at least for the moment, she was able to return to the position she had been in when he'd woken her.

"I love you so much" He said, softly and pleadingly.

"Please shush!" She answered, uncoordinatedly flopping her arm across until her fingers found his mouth. A physical barrier to his words.

"I love every part of you" He mused, gripping her hand in his as he touched his lips to her hand, wrist, and forearm. All the way up her arm to her shoulder and neck. Stopping to run his finger along her jawline. "Except maybe that" He corrected. The pressure of his finger disappeared for a second, she knew where it was going before she could feel it, hovering over the scar. He had spent so long staring at it that he'd memorised the location, able to find it in seconds even in complete darkness.

"Hmm?" She questioned, seeking elaboration as her face fell, shifting from frustrated but slightly amused to hurt. She hated the scar too, a constant reminder she didn't need, but that he'd said anything about it hurt. It was done and she couldn't change it.

"I don't like it" He clarified annoyingly simply.

"Go to sleep" She instructed, unable to keep the feeling of rejection from her voice.

"I don't want to" He argued stubbornly, shifting until his body was pressed along her side.

"Well then go away" She suggested, shoving him back to his own side of the bed.

"But I love you" He reminded, as if those words were enough to make her forgive anything.

"You're drunk and I'm tired, sleep or leave" She provided as his two choices, realizing that the window of opportunity to slip back into the dream she'd been having was gone.

"I can't leave you! And I definitely can't sleep!" He argued instantly, horrified by both.

"Yes you can, you can do both…on the couch" She attempted to reason before losing what little patience she had at two in the morning.

"Erin, I love you" He repeated, as if it was the only coherent thought he had.

"I know, but I'm trying to sleep" She whinged. He was quiet for a moment, leading her to believe that he'd finally started to drift off.

"I can't leave you" He whispered, rolling onto his side so he could reach over and place his hand on her stomach.

"Kelly" She sobbed dryly, too frustrated and exhausted to cope with anymore of his drunken rambling.

"I'm scared" He whispered, taking her completely by surprise. The desperation in his voice washed away her fatigue, she propped herself on her elbow, leaning down over him. Determined to find out what he was on about.

"Of?" She asked gently.

"Everything" He answered, pulling her onto his chest, she wished she could see his face but instead relaxed against him, accelerated heart rate indicating he wasn't messing around.

"What's going on?" She asked after a moment, resting her forearms on his chest so she could hold his face. That way she might be able to decipher his expressions. She really hoped it wasn't just the alcohol making him say stupid things, he seemed too serious but she couldn't be certain.

"I shouldn't've gone to Molly's. I couldn't stop thinking about you, it was annoying the guys so they kept handing me drinks until I shut up… But I was still thinking about you…" He started, it was obvious he was thinking hard about something, possibly struggling to choose the right words.

"Okay" She nodded.

"I can't stop thinking about you" He said, as if realizing it for the first time.

"Why does that scare you?" Erin questioned as she thought about it. She'd been scared by the sheer quantity of love she had for him, accompanied by a terrible fear of losing him after the near-miss in Colorado. It made sense that he was facing the same thing now, it explained why he had been acting strangely.

"I'm scared it'll happen again" He replied slightly cryptically, it didn't answer her question.

"What will?" She asked, certain he was talking about the car accident. She needed to hear him say it.

"I had a dream, a few actually, last night" He explained, voice low as he struggled to recall the dreadful mental images.

"About?" She enquired, wanting him to be more specific.

"The crash" He provided.

"You've been dreaming about it?" She wondered aloud. She knew it had effected them both but didn't realize to what degree, it explained his clinginess.

"Yeah. Only in the dream I couldn't get you out" Kelly said slowly, it was hard to think about let alone picture. "Then I listened to you snore until I fell asleep again" He continued, trying to reduce the seriousness by bringing up her snoring. "It was so real" He said after a little while. "I came home and you were on the floor, bleeding again. Over and over every time I went back to sleep you'd be lying there bleeding and I couldn't make it stop, I couldn't save you. What if I can't save you?" He demanded, increasingly agitated as the line between dream and reality blurred.

"It's not going to happen again. And I know you'll always be there to save me…not that I'll need it because I'm fine. I'm okay, everything is okay" She comforted, sliding her hands under his shoulders to squeeze him tightly.

"I can't stop thinking about it, I can see it. Every time I close my eyes I can see you in that car. I was so scared. I am so scared" He blurted. She could feel his hot breath on the top of her head, and his heart was racing faster than ever.

"I'm scared too" She said softly, it wasn't an attempt to calm him, rather an admission that they were in it together.

"It's not going to happen again" He replied, echoing her previous statement.

"I'm too scared to drive" She confessed. When she'd promised Antonio she would tell Kelly first thing in the morning she hadn't meant before sunrise but it seemed like the perfect opportunity. Then she remembered that he was drunk, he smelled like a distillery but she'd somehow managed to ignore it. Their conversation had been sobering but it was entirely possible he wouldn't have any recollection of it in the morning.

"What?" He questioned, self-pity replaced by a need to understand.

"I haven't been able to drive" She explained hesitantly, wondering why she was still afraid to admit it aloud.

"But…?" He challenged, not quite believing that she hadn't been driving.

"Today when you were at Molly's I drove for the first time…since… And even then I had to get Antonio to help me" She said with a sigh, she just wanted everything to go back to normal.

"I don't understand" He stated blankly, surely he'd have noticed before now that she wasn't driving.

"I've been home most of the time, or you've driven us. I've walked too" She informed, thinking back on all the times she'd actively sought to avoid ending up on the driver's side of the car.

"But you were in the city yesterday…" He pondered.

"I…We…took the train" She said carefully, bracing herself for his response.

"That's not safe!" He complained emphatically.

"It's not that bad" She tried to reason, it hadn't been bad, not good, but definitely better than driving.

"Driving is probably safer" He laughed harshly.

"I know, and I'm working on it" She defended. It wasn't enough that her inability to perform an everyday task was constantly on her mind, he had to highlight how irrational it was as well.

"I can't believe you took Shay on the train" He sighed, wondering how she could be so careless. The trains weren't safe, people were robbed, assaulted and abused on a daily basis.

"I can't believe you're being so horrible" She countered, irritated by his lack of understanding. Silence fell over them as they both tried to work out how to recover from what they'd said, both wanting to take it all back. It was early, she wasn't thinking straight and he certainly wasn't.

"Can I…Can I help you?" He asked seriously, regretting everything he'd said. She had been supportive when they'd discussed his fears but he was being rude and insensitive in return.

"I don't know" She frowned, genuinely unconvinced he would be as calm and nonjudgmental as Antonio.

"In the morning, not now" He clarified when she didn't instantly agree.

"Yeah" She laughed coldly, concluding that the moment for serious conversation had passed. The only logical thing to do next was go back to sleep.

"I love you" He said, reverting back to his sentiment from the beginning of the interaction.

"I love you too, but it's time to sleep" She replied, discontinuing the discussion.

"Okay" He agreed, starting to feel tired for the first time. "No, stay there" He requested when she tried to move off him. The added weight on his chest would make it ache after a while, intruding on his unconscious thoughts. Reminding him that she was alive and alright, allowing him peace of mind.

* * *

Erin spent Sunday conducting damage control. First keeping Shay occupied and quiet while Kelly slept, live working overtime to metabolise the alcohol he had consumed. Her task wasn't made easy by their miniature megaphone of a daughter, insisting on shouting rather than talking. Erin quickly lost count of how many times she used the words 'inside voice'. Bribery was the only way she could stop Shay from yelling but it didn't stop her hitting and throwing anything and everything determined to make noise. The only real solution Erin could think of was taking her to the park, the moment they left the house Shay fell silent. By the time they got back Kelly was awake, sitting on the couch eating cereal and putting on a brave face. It was self inflicted suffering after all. Erin joined him on the couch and they talked. Properly. Honestly. For hours. Then they held each other, all the comfort they needed was right there. When they finally got up to organise dinner the house was quiet, the strange type of silence that followed an explosion. Shay seemed to understand. They might not have made any visible progress but mentally they were both in a better place. Committed that together they would be able to overcome their fears, for themselves, each other and for Shay.

**A resolution, or the beginning of one. Thank you for reading :D **


	77. Chapter 77

"Do you want to drive?" Kelly asked, offering Erin the keys. She pulled away quickly, almost bumping Shay against the wall in her haste.

"Shut up" She snapped, scowling at him.

"I'm serious. You did really well the other day until..." He started.

"I don't want to talk about it and I don't want to drive" She cut him off, not wanting to discuss it again. He'd spent the entire week being incredibly supportive, taking time to go driving around a new housing development on the edge of the city with her. Feeling she was ready to move on Erin had attempted to drive them to playgroup. By the time they reached the first stop sign she was flustered, not helped by the impatient horn honking of the car behind them. In response she had stopped the car, gotten out, removed Shay and walked the block and a half home. She hadn't driven or talked about it since and the sudden halt in progress had Kelly worried. "Can you get her hat?" She questioned eager to change the subject.

"Sure, anything else?" He asked looking at her expectantly, she'd been rushing around for half an hour but that didn't mean she hadn't forgotten things.

"Don't think so. Picnic blanket, presents, food, sunscreen, insect repellent, Shay's bag, jackets, hats...shoes. She's not wearing shoes" She listed, noticing Shay's bare feet at the last second.

"Can we take a soccer ball?" Kelly questioned spotting the ball next to their shoe rack.

"I guess so" Erin agreed, not sure what the plan for the barbecue really was. She had managed to avoid getting involved in the planning and preparation. Only agreeing to bring a salad and cupcakes because she felt guilty that everyone else had work.

"You don't have to carry everything" He said, trying to take the picnic blanket she was holding with her elbow.

"It's fine" She argued, if he took the blanket it would displace the bowl and bag also held on that arm.

"Let me help" He requested, trying to figure out what he could take without disrupting the delicate balance.

"Opening the door would be helpful" She instructed kicking the bottom of the door impatiently.

"Sorry" He apologised as he opened the door, soccer ball under his arm and Shay's shoes in hand. He took one last look around to make sure they had everything then locked the house, rushing to get the car door for his overloaded wife. The drive to the park was uneventful, Kelly remained convinced that it would have been a perfect opportunity for Erin to drive in calm Sunday morning traffic. They found a car space and got out Erin's first priority was getting Shay's shoes on so she wouldn't need to be carried. Jay and Adam had spotted them arriving and rushed over to offer their help.

"Oh my god! What happened to your hair?" Adam questioned the moment he saw Erin, surprised by the sudden change in appearance.

"Hmm?" Erin asked, pretending not to have heard him while giving him a warning look.

"What he means is: Wow! Your new haircut looks nice" Jay intervened quickly correcting his colleague's blunder.

"Thank you" Erin accepted with a smile, brushing her new fringe behind her ear. Kelly had been shocked to arrive home from work on Tuesday night to find his wife sporting a completely new look. No matter how much she argued otherwise they both knew she had requested that particular style because it hid any trace of the scar.

"Yeah, that's what I meant. You look hot, why didn't you wear more dresses at work? You have great legs, very sexy" Adam rushed to add looking her up and down. The red, blue and purple floral print dress fell to her knees, slightly shorter than usual given the extra fabric required to cover her gradually expanding middle. It was bright and cheery but didn't seek to appeal to the opposite sex, covering far more than any dress she had worn for undercover work. His comments made her feel slightly self-conscious but given it was Adam Ruzek talking she quickly dismissed it.

"Just shut up" Jay instructed, punching Adam in the arm. Erin was glad Jay had stepped in, the look on Kelly's face indicated he was far from amused.

"I'll take Shay and you can figure out the rest of it" She volunteered, picking up Shay and heading towards the barbecue before they had a chance to respond.

"Erin, nice to see you" Hayden greeted, reintroducing his wife and daughter, Sam and Ruby. She stopped to talk for a minute, wordlessly handing Shay over to her grandpa. The moment Hank held her a smile formed on his face, able to temporarily forget his birthday and just enjoy time with his favourite person in the world. Antonio and Laura seemed to have the food under control so after a few minutes Erin went to chat with Kim, Kevin and Nadia. There was a lot to catch up on even after only a few weeks. They had been extraordinarily busy at work with late nights becoming the norm. Erin was quite pleased not to have been included, of course she missed it at times but Shay's smile reminded her of her priorities. Nadia was pleased to report that sharing an apartment with Katie was working out well, they had both needed a place to stay and by living together the rent was affordable. Erin took a moment to scan the area for her family. Vinessa and Zoey had quickly spread out a picnic blanket for Shay and Ruby to play on, enjoying entertaining the two small girls. Hank and Alvin were sitting back under a tree, talking and sipping at beers. Kelly was in conversation with Antonio, throwing her a hopeful look when they made eye contact. She said a quick goodbye and moved to join him.

"Hey" Kelly greeted, sliding his arm around her the moment she was close enough, still feeling the need to be protective.

"Hi, how's everything going?" Erin questioned, not specifically asking either of them.

"Good. I sent Adam and Jay for plastic plates. And the food's almost ready if you want to go tell the birthday boy?" Antonio explained.

"Do not let him hear you call him that" She cautioned, knowing Hank wouldn't think it was funny.

"Shay was calling him Papa Hanky Grandpa" Antonio defended.

"That's cute though, call him the birthday boy and you'll be looking for a job" She warned.

"Why does he hate birthday's anyway?" Antonio asked her, figuring she would know. The only other person would be Alvin, they seemed to know everything about each other, which made sense considering they'd worked together forever.

"He doesn't hate birthdays, just his own. Camille used to make a big fuss every year, we'd bake a cake and take it to him at work and everything" She revealed, it wasn't anything sensitive so she didn't think Hank would mind. She hoped it would also encourage Antonio to be slightly kinder about the whole thing.

"Oh" He acknowledged, able to empathise.

"Yeah" Erin nodded, unable to stop the memories of his past birthday's entering her thoughts. They stood in a thoughtful silence for a few minutes before Erin remembered she had a job to do.

"Can you tell Ava to put her phone away as well?" Antonio asked, frustrated that his daughter hadn't put the thing down the entire time.

"I don't think I want to get involved there" Erin answered, while she had been one she definitely didn't understand teenage girls, they were much too complicated.

"You'll have a teenage daughter one day" He provided as encouragement."Maybe two" He added when she still looked conflicted.

"Fine!" She conceded frightened by the thought of her already troublesome daughter as a rebellious teenager. Shay was growing up much too quickly already.

"Kid?" Hank asked when Erin approached.

"Happy birthday" She replied with a small smile, conveying more with her eyes than her words. He nodded, drained his beer and sat forward.

"What's going on?" He questioned, knowing she wasn't just there to acknowledge his birthday.

"Lunch is ready" She informed.

"We'll be right over" He assured, remaining completely stationary.

"Okay" Erin shrugged, making her way over to the table where Ava Dawson sat, transfixed on her phone. "Hi" She said as she got closer, not sure there was any other way to get the teens attention.

"Hey" Ava said as she looked up.

"Your dad told me to ask you to put your phone away" Erin relayed flatly.

"Asked or told?" Ava demanded.

"Um...told" She corrected.

"Figured" Ava sighed as she turned off the screen, placing the phone face down on the table.

"Sorry" Erin added, it wasn't worth much but it was better than nothing. Ava nodded then looked longingly at the device as it buzzed wildly to remind her of everything she was missing out on. "It's time to eat anyway" She said, trying to put a positive spin on the situation.

"Sure" Ava shrugged as she got up to see what her parents were doing. Erin turned her attention to uncovering the various containers of food on the table, ready for the hoard that was about to descend.

"Did I tell you that you look beautiful in that dress?" Kelly questioned as he came up behind her.

"I think so, but it doesn't hurt to hear it again" She smiled as she turned to face him.

"Well in that case you are absolutely beautiful" He said softly, holding her at arms length to get a proper look.

"Thank you. I like that shirt" She smiled, feeling the need to pass on a compliment in return.

"You told me to wear it" He reminded, challenging her to try harder.

"That's because I like it... it wouldn't look half as good on anybody else" She tried to amend.

"Thank you" He accepted gladly, pulling her into a hug so she knew he was serious.

"I'll make a plate for Shay if you go get her" Erin suggested when she stepped back, conscious that people were starting to gather for food.

"Alright" He agreed, underestimating how hard it would be to get Shay off the two girls, especially since they had already lost Ruby. "You can play again after she's eaten" He reasoned. After a tense moment, during which Kelly was convinced there were going to be tears, the girls agreed and let go of Shay's hands. Erin was waiting with an assortment of foods, happy to sit and watch Shay while Kelly got himself some food. There wasn't nearly enough room at the table so they sat scattered around it on picnic blankets and camping chairs.

"You sure you don't want a chair?" Jay offered, feeling bad that Erin was sitting on the ground.

"I'm sure, it's fine" She answered, rather comfortable with Shay on her lap.

"Really?" He questioned, holding out the chair encouragingly.

"Jay, thank you for your concern but please just sit down" She said more formally, hoping he would give in.

"But you're pregnant" He stated, as if it changed everything.

"Not old or injured" She concluded, more interested in getting Shay to chew her food properly. The freshly baked bread courtesy of Laura Dawson was the best component of the meal according to everyone. That was until they tasted the cake she had made. Hank looked like he was going to be sick when the cake was placed in front of him, sparklers and candles burning brightly. He held it together and thanked Laura as she handed him the first slice. He retreated to his chair under the tree, cake in one hand and beer in the other. Only returning when it came time to open presents. Erin felt terrible for buying him a book but no one else seemed to have found anything better. It was his own fault for being so hard to buy for. Of all his presents there was a clear favourite, an obscure blob of modelling clay Shay had shaped, dried and painted.

"You could use it as a paperweight" Nadia suggested helpfully as she rotated the colourful object in her hands. Hank agreed, more because he wanted it on his desk where he could see it than because it was a practical use for an otherwise useless creation. Hank held on to Shay as she fell asleep for her nap, missing out on the epic soccer match Kelly and Jay had started. It got far too rough and Erin was glad Shay wasn't involved, enjoying the chance to talk with Hank and Alvin. By the time Shay woke up Erin was ready to go home for a sleep. Kelly had started a rematch after losing the captain of the other team, Jay, to injury after an aggressive goal attempt by Kim. Erin dragged their picnic blanket into the shade and fell asleep, woken by Shay's cries.

"What did you do?" She questioned as Jay handed over the wailing toddler.

"Nothing" He insisted.

"What's wrong?" Erin asked Shay instead.

"JayJay mean" Shay sobbed, pointing accusingly at the man she usually enjoyed spending time with.

"What did you do?" Erin asked again, this time unwilling to accept anything but the truth.

"I laughed at her" He answered, feeling guiltier the louder Shay got, he could have sworn she was only doing it to get him in trouble.

"Why?" She questioned.

"Her obsession with Bieber is out of control" He smirked.

"You know she's trying to say beaver!" Erin scolded immediately.

"I had no idea it would upset her" He defended quickly, it was only the third time he'd been the cause of Shay's tears and he hated it.

"Well it did. Great job, you made a kid cry" She congratulated sarcastically, finally having calmed Shay.

"I'm sorry" Jay apologised sincerely.

"Don't apologise to me, she's the one you've upset" Erin argued encouraging Shay to stand and face her well meaning godfather.

"I'll be back in a second" He promised before running off. A few minutes later he returned with a bag of marshmallows, using them to persuade Shay to forgive him. Erin resumed dozing as the pair wandered off to collect leaves. It was mid-afternoon by the time her being awake coincided with a break in Kelly's soccer tournament, essentially himself and Kevin against Antonio, Ava and Diego. Erin told Kelly to finish his game, stopping to have a quiet word with Hank on her way to the car. Her plan for the afternoon was a continuation of her nap, seemingly paying for a nausea free week with added exhaustion.


	78. Chapter 78

**Yesterday's chapter wasn't great, like seriously the worst one I think I've ever written. I posted it then went to bed and cried because I was too exhausted to fix it and I was convinced you'd hate me. I woke up bright and early, went for a run then drove for two hours for lunch with my family. Then when I finally got home this afternoon I played with Leo and put off writing until the last possible moment. I sat down and put pen to paper, feeling better about my writing than I have in weeks. I feel like if you graphed the quality of my writing it would be more erratic than the stock market and for that I apologise sincerely. It's also really hard when I come up with a great plot line I feel I have to include and stupidly start writing and publishing them before I come up with a solution...Anyway I love you all for reading and leaving kind reviews for crappy writing - without them I don't think I would have picked up my pen at all. Enjoy :D**

"Yoga" Shay said correctly for the first time as they arrived at the park on Monday morning.

"Yeah yoga" Erin enthused as they rushed over to claim their spot before the class began. Gina was already at the front waiting so they didn't get a chance to greet those on neighbouring yoga mats as they sat down. As it was their third class they were familiar with the routine and positions giving them the chance to focus on technique and conversation. Shay loved to describe the fluffy white clouds as she lay on her back, Erin holding her feet to stretch her small legs out flat then all the way up to her chin. Placing a kiss on Shay's nose each time she leaned forwards.

"P...ouch" Shay declared randomly as she pointed up at a cloud she thought resembled her furry friend.

"Does it look like Pouch?" Erin questioned as she looked up to try and work out which cloud Shay was pointing to.

"Yes" Shay nodded, jabbing the air with her finger.

"Pouch" Erin agreed finally seeing what Shay meant. The cloud was an oval with a circular head and multiple long tails, giving the look of a single tail moving quickly. "Pouch is a?" She led, constantly encouraging Shay to think and use her words.

"Puppeee" Shay squealed, enjoying making the long 'e' sound.

"A puppy dog" Erin answered.

"Woof" Shay added after a few moments and a change of position.

"Pouch goes woof" Erin encouraged as turned her attention to Gina for the next movement.

"Who has a dog called Pouch?" Sharron questioned, having overheard the dialog from her mat next to the pair.

"Firehouse 51" Erin answered, turning to face Sharron as part of the sequence of movements they were supposed to be going through.

"Oh...a fire dog? Like Blaze?" Sharron asked.

"Not really, she just lazes around the house" Erin laughed. "Does Caity like Blaze?" She probed knowing Shay enjoyed rewatching the movie on occasion.

"My husband does" Sharron groaned.

"Mine too! He's seen it more times than Shay" Erin explained, thankful to have met someone else who's husband liked the children's movie.

"We own it on Blu-ray and we don't even have a Blu-ray player" Sharron added to make sure Erin understood it bordered on an obsession.

"We have two copies of the DVD because the first one got scratched, I tried to throw it away but he wouldn't let me" Erin competed playfully, both realising they had more in common than they'd ever predicted.

"I don't think we should let them meet...they'd probably start a fan club" Sharron laughed though it was a serious possibility.

"Probably" Erin agreed, they already owned more than enough Blaze merchandise.

"At least your husband's a fireman" Sharron shrugged. Gina walked past forcing them into silence as they listened to her critiques. After that they knew they were being watched closely so they focused on the yoga. The class ended a little while later but they remained in the park, talking as Shay and Caitlin played in the sandpit. They only left when both girls started to complain about being hungry. On the walk home Erin spotted the home invading black cat, she hadn't seen it in a little while but it appeared to have been taken in by the old man at the end of the street. She didn't care about the creature as long as it didn't return to randomly visiting late at night. Shay got her yoghurt the moment they arrived home, normally she would have refused to eat the mango flavour but she was hungry enough not to notice. Erin ate morning tea as well before checking the fridge and cupboards to work out what to make for dinner. Not being able to drive to the shops to grab ingredients meant she had to be more thoughtful, it was also saving them a fair bit of money. Kelly didn't seem to see it as a positive though and Erin really wanted to get back to normal before he worried about it anymore. She had an idea but wasn't sure it was viable. While Shay played she made the necessary phone calls to find out and organize it, unfortunately in order to get the help she needed she would have to drive. She waited until the least busy time, the break after lunch and before school pick up.

* * *

"Thank you so much for doing this" Erin said, handing Shay over to Cindy.

"It's no trouble, I've actually really missed having her around. Especially since Josie is off at Kindy three days a week. It's too quite when it's just Kenny and I" Cindy explained, smiling despite Shay immediately starting to pull on her hair.

"Here I am wondering how I'm going to do it with two" Erin laughed, it was lovely to have a friend at the opposite end of the scale: children leaving for school rather than new babies arriving. Cindy had been on speed dial since the second time they had ever spoken, and it had come in useful on so many occasions.

"We'll I can always look after Shay when the new baby arrives" Cindy volunteered, she seemed as if she'd be happy to keep Shay forever. "That's the easiest time though. The baby sleeps most of the time and Shay will love to help look after it. When the little one starts crawling it gets hard because they'll go in opposite directions" She laughed, looking over her shoulder to check on Kenny before releasing Shay to go play with him.

"Yeah" Erin nodded as she realised how difficult it would be to keep two small children out of harms way. A quick check of her phone told her she'd run out of time to stand around and chat.

"We'll talk over coffee when you come to pick her up" Cindy provided as a solution.

"Sounds good. I shouldn't be too long and thanks again" Erin added as she turned to leave, first checking Shay was alright and waving goodbye. Cindy joined the kids on the floor while Erin saw herself out. The drive to the Herrmann's had been alright, it wasn't very far and Erin had used back roads to avoid encountering any traffic at all. Unfortunately there was no chance of doing the same on the way to her next destination, not having Shay in the vehicle made it a little easier. It was still a tense twenty minutes, constantly checking her mirrors to ensure the cars behind maintained a safe following distance. Pulling into the parking structure was a massive relief. "We did it bub" She muttered, running a hand over her belly before undoing the seat belt. She got out of the car and headed for the administration building. The Chicago Police Academy was one of Erin's favourite places in the entire city, before being assigned to District 21 it had been her second home. The Voight's house would always be her first. Her time at the academy had been an opportunity to prove that she was capable of doing good.

"How can I help you?" The lady behind the desk asked when Erin had been standing, reminiscing, for a few moments.

"I just need to sign in" Erin explained shaking her head to dismiss the memories and focus on the present.

"Just over there" The lady instructed, pointing to a sign in book.

"Thanks" She nodded before moving to fill in the book, feeling like an idiot when she had to attach a visitors badge to her shirt. From there she was free to roam, heading straight out the back past the oval and into the large garage that opened onto the driving training track. The garage was divided into three main sections, vehicle storage, a workshop and a closed in classroom like area. The first two were empty so she tried the third. Surprised to find the person she wanted to speak to leading a class, she had called and asked for his schedule so she wouldn't interrupt.

"Detective Lindsay, lovely to see you" He greeted, looking over his students heads to spot the late arrival.

"Sir" Erin replied, not sure what to do she had frozen in the doorway.

"You know my name's Russ, Erin" He corrected.

"Sorry, I didn't know you had a class" She backpedaled, more than happy to wait outside until they were finished.

"I don't, these are my supps" Russ explained, the blank look on her face indicated she required more information. "When they don't look like they're going to pass my course they qualify for supplementary lessons" He added.

"You still haven't failed anybody?" She asked, laughing at the thought.

"Nope" He answered.

"What's that twenty years?" She questioned, giving a vague estimate.

"Twenty-five" He beamed. "Supps, this is Detective Lindsay, you drive like she does and you'll pass...that's for sure" He laughed as he gestured for her to join him at the front. The eager faces of the young adults in the class made her nervous but Russ was quite insistent. "Got time to show these kids how it's done?" He questioned eagerly.

"Umm..." Erin replied, not sure how best to refuse.

"Come on you have to! You still hold the track record" Russ demanded.

"Ah...Actually I..." She tried to explain.

"Just a run in the Sim?" He said, cutting her off.

"The what?" She questioned feeling as if the whole trip had been the worst idea.

"Simulator, these days I don't have to risk my cars until they prove they can handle it" He explained, leading her over to the far corner where half a car sat in front of a large white screen.

"Um..okay, but I haven't..." Erin agreed before trying to make excuses for what was sure to be a poor performance.

"Don't worry, you'll be the best driver they ever get to see in action" Russ explained, ushering the class over, so they stood bunched where the back half of the car would usually be.

"Alright, how does this work?" She questioned, pulling open the door to join him in the car.

"Just like a car, turn the key and it'll start, follow the instructions on the screen" Russ said, doing up his seat belt regardless of the fact it wasn't a real car. As she adjusted the seat she could feel her heart rate increasing, she definitely hadn't expected to be put on the spot like this.

"Just like a car" She repeated as she turned the key, there was no sound of an engine starting but the screen flickered to life, suddenly they were sitting at a red light, the river visible to the right.

"Supps, watch and learn" He instructed his class before turning to watch Erin begin to drive them smoothly along the road. Erin felt more relaxed in a car than she had been since the accident, probably because she knew it wasn't a real car and therefore knew there was no way she could crash. Russ typed something on the keyboard in front of him and suddenly a bright red car appeared before them. "You have to pull them over. Don't hold back" He explained, watching as she accelerated to keep up with the red car, automatically reaching across to flick the lights and sirens. "As soon as she initiates the chase she's turning on her lights and sirens" Russ commentated for his students. The red car continued to gain speed before swerving wildly to begin racing through the maze like city in an attempt to avoid apprehension. Erin didn't hesitate for a second before dropping the handbrake to match their sharp turn, refusing to lose any ground. She wasn't one for racing games but this was just realistic enough to keep her concentration. "How's Hank?" Russ questioned, wanting to add some challenge to the task.

"He's fine, it was his birthday yesterday so we all went to the park" She answered easily, able to focus on both driving and talking, in a real car chase she would probably be conversing with her partner and using the radio.

"We being the intelligence unit?" He asked, his students muttered nervously at the mention of intelligence.

"Yeah" Erin nodded, biting her lip as she grazed past a civilian's car to continue the chase.

"They partnered you with Halstead?" Russ questioned, keen to catch up on his favourite student's career.

"Yep" She answered quickly, switching to reverse to follow the red car down an alley.

"He always strutted around like he had something to prove" Russ shrugged, remembering the young man quite well, fresh from the military. Always waiting for orders rather than using his own initiative.

"He's good police" Erin defended automatically, Jay would always be her partner.

"Born to serve and protect" He commented.

"Definitely" She agreed, beginning to realise that it didn't matter how close she got the red car wouldn't pull over.

"Last I heard you were pregnant, that was probably a few years ago" Russ recalled, thinking back to the last shred of news he'd heard about her. He liked to keep track of his students but he was kept busy by each new class, determined to get every student a pass mark even if it meant hours of overtime.

"Yeah...Shay turn's two soon. Halstead's her godfather" She explained, still trying to work out a way to stop the red car.

"And you're married and having another, never thought I'd see the day" He remarked, reserving judgment until he heard her opinion on the matter.

"Me neither...but it's amazing" She laughed thinking back to the person she had been in her academy days, so much had changed.

"I'm sure you're a great mother" Russ said certainly.

"I stopped working" She put forward.

"See, you are a great mother" He assured, noticing the way she had one hand resting over her stomach while the other worked furiously to pursue the red car.

"But I'm not Detective Lindsay any more?" She questioned carefully, wanting his opinion on the subject. He had always been quick to tell her she'd be good police and she wasn't sure he would agree with her decision to give it up for family. Whatever he said wouldn't change her mind but it would be interesting to hear.

"Mrs?" He asked.

"Severide" She filled in.

"I know the name, not a cop though" He said, trying to remember where he had heard it.

"He's a fireman" She supplied, it was likely he had met Kelly's father.

"Nice?" He declared and asked at the same time.

"He's great" She answered. "I married him" She added as proof looking across make sure he knew she was happy.

"You'll go back to intelligence though?" He asked.

"Yeah, when this one's about six months old. That's the plan anyway" She clarified, knowing plans had a way of changing unexpectedly.

"Wow!" A student commented, Erin hadn't performed a particularly spectacular maneuver so she assumed it was in reference to the conversation.

"Hmm?" Erin asked throwing a quick look over her shoulder to try to identify the student.

"Umm...Having kids and working intelligence, I didn't know that was possible" The female student explained hesitantly.

"Of course it is" Erin assured, looking back again to make eye contact with the young woman who had spoken.

"You supps should be focusing on the driving, that's the only way you're going to get a uniform. Even then I wouldn't get your hopes up for intelligence" Russ said, remembering the class for the first time since he'd started the conversation.

"I win" Erin grinned as the statistics of her drive appeared on the screen. The class had thought she had given off when she'd turned off instead of following the car. She had instead trapped the red car by pulling out in front of it. In real life the red car would have collided with them.

"A pregnant lady who's never touched this thing before has beaten you all, run through in pairs then you can go" Russ instructed as he got out of the car, Erin followed though she wanted another chance. Certain she could do it again in half the time. "Not bad" He commented when they were suitably far away from the students.

"Not great" She sighed.

"You'd be surprised, pass mark for that run is eight minutes" He explained.

"Seriously?!" She questioned struggling to believe that without any practice she was able to pass comfortably.

"Yeah, you're a good driver. Always have been" He commented, confused by her laughter. "What?"

"I came to ask for a favour..." She said slowly.

"Sure, what can I do?" He asked immediately.

"Well I had a car accident a few weeks ago and I'm having some trouble driving" She started to explained.

"Doesn't look like it" He commented, not sure he could believe his best student was having an issue with driving.

"That's a simulator" She argued.

"It translates pretty well to the real world" He said, knowing from experience that a students performance on one would be duplicated on the other.

"But in the real world you can crash and die" She reminded. Russ simply turned and pointed in response, perfectly on cue the simulator screen flashed red and the words 'Fatal Collision' appeared on the screen. "You know what I mean, I have a kid...kids" She corrected gesturing to her stomach. "I know you had a really bad accident, bad enough you were retired. But I also know that you still drive so I was hoping you could help" She said, rephrasing her request entirely.

"Of course I will" Russ assured, gripping her shoulder firmly in support.

"Thank you" She said with a small smile, the more she did it the easier it was to ask for help.

"It won't be hard for me but it might be for you, seven days a week on the track until you're comfortable again" He put up as his conditions.

"Okay" She agreed.

"What are my two rules?" He asked hopeful he'd drilled them into her enough that she'd remember all these years later.

"Trust yourself and trust the car" She answered without hesitation.

"So you'll have to bring your own car" He concluded.

"Sure" She nodded, understanding exactly what he meant.

"We'll start tomorrow morning at eight if that works for you" Russ suggested, though she was to thankful that he'd agreed to help to negotiate times.

"I'll see you at eight" Erin replied enthusiastically.

**Sometimes you have to just have to keep asking until you find the right person to help with a particular problem :D **


	79. Chapter 79

"Ugh" Kelly complained the moment Erin tried to move. He had kept her close all night but now she needed to get up if she was to get to the academy on time. A second attempt only served to tighten his grip, like a snake constricting it's prey.

"I can't breathe" She wheezed at him, exaggerating for dramatic effect. She might have been wide awake, too keen to sleep but he certainly wasn't. He refused to show any sign he was awake but loosened his arm. She waited until he resumed the deep, even breathing of sleep before making a third attempt. Success. The first thing she did was turn off her alarm, it wasn't due to go off for another half hour. That alone was sentiment to her eagerness. Then she gathered the clothes she had put out before bed and moved through to the bathroom, clicking the door shut as quietly as possible. She didn't waste time in the shower, barely letting the soap lather before rinsing it off. Erin had carefully calculated the window of opportunity to get to the academy in light traffic: between the usual morning influx of workers to the city and the school run. She dressed quickly then tip-toed through the bedroom and out into the hall, unable to resist checking in on Shay on the way. Shay had certainly adjusted to the larger bed, taking up more space than Erin thought possible by sleeping outstretched like a starfish. It was a recent habit that Erin attributed to the way Shay was asked to float in her swimming lessons. After pulling the blanket over her sleeping starfish Erin made her way down the stairs, checking the time before, during and after breakfast preparation and consumption. Back upstairs to brush her teeth she was slightly less careful when it came to making her way through the bedroom.

"What are you doing?" Kelly grumbled, looking mightily confused. She had frozen like a deer in headlights mid stride.

"I have that thing at the academy" She explained quickly, at no point had she explained what 'that thing' was.

"What thing?" He questioned, she wasn't sure if he was narrowing his eyes or simply struggling to keep them open. He did recall her mentioning something about the academy but she hadn't provided enough information for it to stick in his mind.

"You know" She shrugged, turning to retrieve a pair of socks from her drawer despite having every intention of wearing shoes that didn't require socks. "Good morning" She added carefully when he was still staring as she turned back around.

"Morning" He frowned, certain he was being left out of something important.

"I have to get going" She added as she continued her trip to the bathroom, brushing her teeth far from thoroughly in her rush to get going. Stopping suddenly as she entered the bathroom she was suddenly questioning the necessity of her trip to the academy. She had managed to drive Shay to the Herrmann's and her incredibly attractive husband was sprawled across their bed, magnificently muscular back visible.

"What time will you be back?" He asked, looking over his shoulder at her.

"I'm not sure" She answered mindlessly, completely preoccupied. It was frustrating that she could go from wanting one thing to wanting something completely different in no time at all. Getting her confidence back had seemed so important, otherwise she wouldn't have laid out clothes, set an alarm and barely slept for enthusiasm. Simply by sleeping without a shirt Kelly had sent her mind spinning. She wondered if she had time to do both then quickly told herself off. "Eleven at the latest" She added, blinking quickly to regain composure.

"Okay" He shrugged as he rolled over, settling into a more comfortable position. Her desire to run her hands over his chest grew but she pushed it aside.

"Are you okay with Shay?" She questioned, trying to distract herself with thoughts of their daughter.

"Of course. You're driving?" He asked gently.

"Yeah" Erin nodded, looking to her feet to resist the urge to remove her clothes and join him in bed.

"That's good" He smiled, she was clearly nervous so he didn't want to make a big fuss. That didn't mean he wasn't thrilled to hear it.

"I have to go" She told herself firmly as he legs started moving of their own accord, carrying her to the bed where she sat, then leaned down over him. "I love you" She breathed before giving him a searing kiss, electricity surging through her body. Sighing in frustration she pushed herself off the bed and rushed from the room, leaving Kelly just as confused as he had been when he'd first woken. Flustered before she even got in the car she was pleased to see her moment of weakness hadn't cost her the window of opportunity. There was still traffic and it still took twice as much concentration as normal but she made it to the academy without much difficulty. She was half an hour early so she didn't expect Russ to be standing waiting for her.

"Good morning" He greeted happily.

"Morning" She replied, pulling her hair back to indicate she meant business.

"You ready for this?" He questioned, looking out over the large black plain, orange traffic cones scattered seemingly randomly.

"I think so" She said cautiously, not knowing what he had planned. It had taken the entire drive to get over the missed opportunity with Kelly, now she was back to feeling excited and nervous. Ready to conquer her fear once and for all.

"Let's just set a baseline time and work from there" He instructed as he walked over to get into her car. She took a few steps back to the car and pulled open the door, sliding into the still warm seat. Russ gave a few one word instructions as she prepared herself for the unseen course, slightly taken aback when he pulled out a stopwatch. His finger hovered over the start button as she approached the entrance to the course, stopping behind the invisible line drawn between the cones. The moment she shifted her foot to the accelerator he depressed the button. The unfamiliar course and lack of practice was evident as she chose to go slow rather than knock over cones. "Not bad" Russ commented when she stopped the car at the other end.

"Okay" She nodded, she didn't feel ready for the criticism she knew would come next.

"But not good" He said seriously, somewhat confused by her sigh of relief.

"I'm pregnant" She reminded.

"Do it again but in half the time" He commanded, no room for negotiation in his tone. Completely disregarding the fact that she had spoken.

"I don't know..." She started as she drove back around to the beginning of the course, half the time meant twice the speed. Approaching a level she deemed dangerous.

"Just try" He cut her off, sounding very final to prevent further protest. Stopped at the start line she closed her eyes, took a few deep breaths with her hand resting over the baby. Not sure if the strange fluttery sensation was the beginning of movement or simply nervousness. This wasn't something she wanted to do but she knew the moment she argued with Russ his willingness to help would cease. So she tried to revert back to who she had been the last time she had performed well on a course, young, single and determined. This time however she drew her motivation from somewhere else, back then failing would have meant letting Hank down, now if she failed it would be Shay who suffered. "Good" Russ commented as she rounded the first corner, letting her hands and feet move without over thinking it. The brakes caught them at the other end, she couldn't remember any of the course, it was a blur of orange and black but her heart was racing. "How do you feel?" He questioned.

"Sick" She answered with a giddy laugh.

"You hit three cones, that's three laps of the oval" Russ said blankly.

"Seriously?!" She questioned, shocked. It wasn't that she didn't remember the rule, she had just assumed it wouldn't apply.

"Yeah" He nodded, dark eyes dangerously serious.

"I'm pregnant" Erin argued weakly.

"You can still run" Russ assured.

"Seriously? I'm not in your class and I'm not here to set good times. I can still drive, I just can't drive on roads, with other drivers who could screw up and kill me. I thought you'd understand but clearly you don't!" She declared angrily shifting in her seat to make eye contact the entire time.

"Erin. I trust you so won't come count. Off you go, three laps" Russ requested though it was more an order considering he wouldn't accept any alternative.

"No" She said simply and firmly.

"I'm done then" He shrugged as he got out of the car.

"Running isn't going to help me trust other drivers!" She called over the top of the car as she got out, not even sure why she wanted him to stay.

"You don't need to trust them. You need to trust yourself and your car, you know that" Russ replied calmly.

"I do trust myself and the bloody car" She yelled, feeling no need to hold back. It wasn't that she didn't respect him, she certainly did, the old Russ who had gone out of his way to ensure she excelled, not just in his class but in others as well. Spending hours coaching her on negotiation strategies and radio etiquette.

"Then you should still be driving fearlessly" He explained, letting himself into the garage.

"That doesn't even make sense" Erin muttered to herself, not sure whether to follow him or leave. She wanted to leave but the traffic would be more than she was prepared to handle. That thought alone settled it as she marched determinedly up to the oval. The three laps didn't take her very long but it was plenty of time to think.

"Thank you" Russ said when she returned, he stood leaned against the bonnet of her car, keys in hand. In her frustration she'd left them in the car, a mistake he typically punished with two laps. Given her earlier outburst he was willing to let it slide this time. Erin hadn't forgiven him and she made sure he knew it, frowning until she started to get a tension headache.

"Can we just talk?" She asked after a painfully long silence.

"Of course" He nodded. For some stupid reason the ease with which he had forgiven her made her feel even more annoyed.

"Just tell me what the plan is? I'll do what exactly what you say, laps and all, if I can see the point. Explain to me how this is going to help me drive my daughter to her activities" She requested hopefully.

"Okay, come on" Russ agreed, leading the way into the garage and through to the classroom. They sat on either side of a desk as he mentally prepared what he was going to say. "You can't do anything about the other drivers. They're going to make mistakes and you might just be in their way when they do. You can't trust them so the only alternative is to trust"

"Yourself and your car" She filled in, just because it was his personal philosophy didn't mean it actually translated to the real world.

"Know your car and you'll know the best way to get out of trouble" He summarised. Erin understood what he was saying, and in most situations he would be right but no matter how well she knew the car she still wouldn't have been able to avoid being smashed into. It was random chance.

"But..." She started to argue.

"That's your car right?" He questioned, gesturing in the direction of her car.

"Yeah" She said, not sure where he was going.

"So I'm assuming it's not the one you were in when the accident happened" Russ reasoned.

"I was in my husband's car" She answered, frustrated that she was beginning to see his logic. Maybe everything would have been different if she'd been in her own car, known just how hard to hit the brakes or accelerator to avoid the collision. Of course it would also have helped if she'd been fully alert and aware rather than distracted.

"Drive it much?" He asked.

"No" She supplied.

"There's your problem, to trust it you have to know it. You know your car, now you just have to trust it, in order to do that we're going to pull crazy maneuvers on my courses. Fast and borderline reckless, but I won't let anything happen to you or your baby. Once you know what the car's capable of, with you at the wheel, you'll be good to go" Russ finished, incredibly persuasive with an authoritative voice and logic she couldn't ignore.

"Okay" She agreed as she processed what he had said. Taking the time to think about it carefully.

"Go home and think about it, I'll be here no matter what you decide" He put forward in the absence of any other noise. Then he got up and left before she had a chance to speak. After a few moments deep in thought she got up, she had a big decision to make. First she had to get home, vacuum, play with Shay, feed her a healthy lunch, keep quiet while she naps and get her to her swimming lesson on time. Then she would have time to think about it properly, maybe even discuss it with Kelly.

**Russ is based on a mentor of mine, it's a complicated relationship and I wanted to convey something similar. **


	80. Chapter 80

"Hey" Erin greeted from the couch when Kelly arrived home on Friday night.

"Sorry I'm late" He apologised immediately, pulling off his jacket and boots. A late call out to an hardware store fire had delayed his departure from work. He had known their chances of making the eight thirty reservation were slim when he had made it but now it was downright impossible.

"That's okay. I put out clothes for you" She smiled, gesturing up the stairs. On a drawer handle she'd hung his best jeans, a white cotton singlet and a powder blue button down. She didn't care about being late, she just wanted a night out.

"Thanks" He nodded, pulling his shirt off as he raced up the stairs to shower and get dressed.

"You picked his clothes?" Jay asked, looking perplexed from his end of the couch. His role for the evening was simply to occupy the house and keep an ear out for Shay. It was essentially and opportunity to watch whatever he liked on a bigger and better television than the one he owned. Erin had even said he could have whatever he wanted from the fridge, essentially there was no downside to the arrangement.

"Yeah?" She questioned, not sure what was wrong with that. It was fairly normal really, Kelly provided clothing suggestions for her and she did the same. He could wear whatever he liked and she wouldn't care, it was just easier to put clothes out for him. The fact that he looked great in blue had definitely influenced her decision though, it was date night after all.

"That's just weird" Jay shrugged, reaching for the remote that sat equidistant between them.

"Not really, we're going out and I knew he'd be running late" She defended, not sure why she felt the need to justify her actions.

"How could you possibly know he'd be late?" He challenged.

"We have to be somewhere at a specific time" Erin explained hoping he would understand that that practically guaranteed something would happen.

"Like when I get tickets to sporting events?" Jay questioned trying to liken the situation to his own life.

"Just like that!" She laughed. Any time Jay purchased tickets to a sports game, of any variety, a big case would take off, forcing them to work around the clock. It was so reliable that he simply had to express interest in a game and the rest of the intelligence unit would volunteer to buy the ticket for him.

"Let's go" Kelly called as he jumped the last three stairs coming to rest in the doorway. Erin and Jay looked at him then to each other before starting to laugh. "What?" Kelly questioned looking around wildly to try and figure out what they were laughing at, not considering for a single second the possibility that it could be him.

"Buttons" She managed as she got up, smoothing her dress as she walked across to him. He looked down and understood, he'd been in such a hurry he'd skipped the first button hole. All the buttons were off skew, making the front of his shirt crooked. She steered him back into the hallway, and tore open the buttons, pressing her lips against the fabric of his singlet as she started at the bottom to do them up properly.

"We don't have to go" He suggested softly as she continued to button, moving her mouth up his neck as she reached the top. Even in the three seconds he'd had to look at her since arriving home his heart had started to race. Her navy blue dress was new, a elegant vintage style with a knee length full circle skirt and the blouse style top. Buttons ran from the collar to a high waist, she'd only done up a few and coupled with the mid-length sleeves there was still plenty of skin visible. She'd finished the look with bright red heels and lipstick, he hadn't noticed yet but she'd gone to the effort of painting her fingernails a matching shade.

"If Jay wasn't already here I would definitely be up for that" She reasoned, any mention of her former partner instantly killed the mood.

"I can kick him out" Kelly proposed eagerly.

"We'll have plenty of time for that when we get back" She decided, stepping back to admire her work. Reaching across to wipe away the slightest smudge of lipstick from his neck, thinking that smudge proof was a makeup industry lie.

"Fine" He groaned, it was possible their table had been given to another couple by now so he didn't see the point in driving across the city when staying home had benefits.

"One second" She requested as she moved back into the lounge room, stepping in front of the television to ensure she had Jay's full attention. "If she wakes up and complains about being hungry just give her a biscuit and half a cup of milk. Then put her straight back to bed, no TV or stories, make sure she can reach Roary or she won't sleep" She added to the list of instructions she'd gone through before Kelly arrived.

"Easy" Jay answered. "Go have fun" He ordered firmly.

"We'll be back by..." Erin started, looking to Kelly to finish the statement.

"We'll be back" Kelly finished before grasping Erin's hand and pulling her through to the hall, hoping she'd start kissing him again. When she didn't he reluctantly reached for the keys. For the first time in a month she worked the keys out of his grip and led the way to the car, looking calm and confident. "Early mornings paying off?" He questioned as he got into the car.

"Yeah" She nodded as she started the car, completely at ease as they joined the steady flow of traffic.

"I'm really proud of you" Kelly assured, drawing navy fabric of her dress so he could place a hand on her leg.

"It's taken a month" She reminded, unwilling to accept unwarranted praise.

"But you've got it now, you went shopping with Shay this afternoon. You're incredible" He argued.

"It's just driving and Russ is really good at his job" She provided simply, forwarding the credit to where it was due.

"How long are you going to keep going?" He asked, not sure if he should look forward to a lazy morning in bed together.

"I need to talk to you about that" Erin informed flatly, performing a perfect parallel park in the first empty space she found.

"Yeah?" He questioned before getting out to rush around and get the door for her.

"I'd like to take your car, the new car" She said carefully, letting him guide her along the footpath with an arm around her waist. He'd only picked the replacement vehicle up on Wednesday, it sat parked in their driveway, shiny and new with the odometer only just in double digits.

"What?!" He questioned, content for the car to remain exactly where it was forever more. The novelty of having a new car didn't seem to apply this time, rather every time he looked at it he only saw it's predecessor, crushed and crumpled.

"It's important" She added.

"But..." He disagreed trying to come up with a valid argument.

"But you haven't been able to drive it either" She challenged.

"I just don't understand why you have to drive that car ever again" He muttered. She stopped walking and pulled him to a halt as well, looking up at him carefully.

"I don't plan on driving it much, if at all, but I need to be able to. The car didn't cause the crash, it saved me" She explained. Kelly knew there was nothing he could say or do to compete with her look of determination.

"Okay" He shrugged, resigned to the fact he was going to have to see her driving that car again at some point.

"I need to get back to normal, fearless" She reasoned.

"I don't want you fearless, I want you to be cautious" He objected, holding open the door for her.

"Look don't worry, forget I said anything, let's just enjoy dinner" She suggested, sliding her hand down his arm to hold his hand.

"Alright" He agreed before turning his attention to giving their name, surprisingly their table was still available. They were seated and left to peruse the menu. "You hungry?" He questioned in an attempt to generate conversation.

"Not really" She answered, too busy scanning the salad options to bring up the fact she'd eaten way too much at lunchtime. Trying to make up for skipping breakfast yet again.

"How was your doctors appointment?" He asked, a second attempt.

"Everything's fine" She assured, putting the menu down when after seeing the look in his eyes. "Better than fine really, above average."

"Awesome. Not working is helping" He smiled.

"Well I might need to go back because if it keeps growing at this rate it's going to be massive" Erin teased, not entirely convinced that the stress of work was any less than the stress she'd been facing recently.

"That's not a bad thing" He grinned, wishing he could pull her into his lap to feel her belly again. He wouldn't mind if his hand was glued there.

"Yeah it kind of is!" She complained, constantly conscious of the fact that it had to be born.

"I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt if this one was bigger than Shay" He defended.

"Wouldn't hurt? You're great at this" She laughed, wondering if he had thought at all before speaking.

"I'm sorry" He apologised as soon as he realised, cheeks reddening with embarrassment.

"You're right though, bigger than Shay would be nice" Erin conceded as the waiter approached to take their order. Kelly tried to convince her to get 'real' food but she ordered a salad and told him it was the only thing she felt like eating.

"Do you think it's a boy?" He asked suddenly, ending the comfortable silence and drawing her eyes to his.

"I don't know, does it matter?" She asked softly, she hadn't really put much thought into it.

"No of course not" He said quickly , wanting her to know he was thrilled to be having a baby regardless of gender.

"Good, but I would like a boy...I think" She smiled, it was hard to know if she wanted something she'd never had before.

"I don't know, our girl is pretty awesome" He shrugged, it couldn't hurt to have two blue eyed miniature copies of his beautiful wife.

"She certainly is" Erin agreed.

"I wouldn't mind another one just like her" He decided. Thinking about the baby made him realise they weren't even at the halfway mark yet, he just wanted to be able to hold it already.

"I have no idea what we'd name a girl" She realised wondering what they would have named Shay if Leslie hadn't died.

"Do you have a name for a boy?" He asked, her tone indicating that naming a girl would be harder.

"Yeah. If it's a boy it's going to be called Henry" She stated, there was no question about it.

"After Hank... Fair enough" He nodded.

"You can pick a middle name" She suggested quickly, making sure he knew he could still contribute to the naming process.

"Shay and Henry, that works" He answered, trying to let her know that he liked the name.

"It might be a girl though. I chose Shay so you can pick a girls name" Erin decided, unsure what he would suggest.

"You didn't choose Shay, you let me have Shay" He argued immediately.

"You don't have to pick a name if you don't want" She shrugged.

"I do, I will" He nodded enthusiastically, his smile quickly disappearing as he realised the significance of the situation. Finding a name suitable for their daughter wasn't going to be easy and he didn't have the faintest idea where to start.

"That way we'll know what it's going to be called after the twenty week scan" Erin summarised.

"You want to find out?" Kelly asked not bothering to mask his surprise at the statement.

"Yeah, don't you?" She questioned having automatically assumed he would want to know as soon as possible.

"Well we didn't with Shay" He reasoned.

"We don't have to. I don't mind and it doesn't really matter, most of the newborn clothes we have are gender neutral" Erin explained, happy to let him decide.

"I want to know. But it was the best surprise" He concluded wanting both equally.

"Well you have plenty of time to decide" She reminded.

"Thank you" He said, both to the waiter delivering their food and to his wife. She was much more relaxed about the baby than he had expected. Definitely more relaxed than he was at that moment. He didn't know how he'd avoided it until then but he was suddenly struck by the realisation that he loved the baby. He had loved it from the moment he had found out about it, love increasing steadily as it grew. That made him question how much love he had, surely there was only a finite amount. Previously entirely devoted to Erin and Shay, where had the portion he held for the baby come from. Did it mean he was loving one of them less? He didn't want to love Shay any less because of a new baby but he had already started to love it. He was thankful for the lull in conversation as they ate so he could try to grapple with the immensity of the problem he faced.

"Are you even listening?" She questioned, this time pressing her foot against his leg to get his attention.

"Hmm?" Kelly said, finally acknowledging her presence. He had been staring at her the entire time but only now could she see his eyes actually focus.

"I don't want dessert but I was asking if you did... Are you alright?" She asked, noticing the underlying look of terror.

"Yeah, just thinking" He shrugged trying to dismiss the thoughts.

"About?"

"Stuff"

"The car or the baby?" She questioned, it had to be one of the two.

"Baby" He answered.

"It'll all be fine, we'll find a name and get organised. It's going to be okay" She assured, wondering why he was so worried all of a sudden.

"I don't want dessert" He stated eager to get home, even just to the quiet of the car. Anywhere he could sit and think uninterrupted. He completely ignored Erin and her attempts to get him to talk as he paid and rushed from the restaurant, leaving her struggling to keep up. It didn't much matter that he was so far ahead, she had the car keys and refused to press the unlock button.

"Kelly talk to me" She instructed as she met him on the passenger side of the car, his hand waiting on the door handle.

"There's nothing to talk about" He snapped, reaching across to take the car keys.

"There obviously is! Is it the baby? Because I don't understand, you were really excited and now you look horrified" Erin questioned, desperate to understand what he was thinking.

"I am excited" He said, tone and expression betraying him.

"You might want to tell your face that because it doesn't look like it" She argued, struggling not to laugh at the stupidity of the situation. Of course they couldn't just have a nice night out, that would be far too much to ask.

"I don't think I can love it" He said softly, closer to tears than she ever could have predicted.

"The baby? Why not?" She asked, so shocked by the admission that seeking further information took priority over comforting him.

"I don't want to love you any less...or Shay. How can I love it too?" He questioned, so serious he might well have been pondering the meaning of life itself.

"You already love it" She said, trying to be serious though it was a completely laughable statement. How could he be worried about loving the baby. "Love doesn't work like that, there aren't any quantities involved. It just happens" She explained gently.

"I don't know" He shrugged, frowning childishly.

"You've had a long day at work and you're tired. I'm sorry for insisting we do this tonight" She apologised, pulling him into a hug. His work schedule didn't accommodate date nights, not that they really needed them now that she wasn't working. What had seemed like a massive existential crisis only a minute ago was solved with a single hug. She opened the car door and pushed him into the seat reaching in to hand him the seat belt. His hand missed hers and instead of the seat belt he grabbed a handful of her dress, pulling her forward until he could twist her around. Erin had no idea what he was doing but didn't complain, happy to sit on his lap as he held her and whispered an apology.

"I'm an idiot" He sighed.

"I know. I still love you though" She laughed, wondering how far up her dress his hand was going to go. There was nobody around but it definitely didn't seem decent.

"I love you so much, and I love loving you. I don't want that to change" He whispered right against her ear, loving the way her hair tickled his lips.

"It won't" She assured turning her head so she could brush her lips over his for the tiniest second of contact. "I lied" She uttered breathlessly as his fingers continued to tease their way up the inside of her leg.

"What?" He asked, confused but not really wanting to be distracted.

"I'm going to take you home so I can show you exactly how much I love you" She grinned kissing him hard and fast before standing up, slamming the door and before rounding the car. He didn't want to interfere with her driving so he settled on resting a hand just above her knee. The drive home seemed to take a ridiculously long time and then came Kelly's least favourite part of date night. Small talk with the sitter. Jay had spent the evening alone so was keen to talk.

"I'll see you upstairs" Erin said, pressing a kiss to Kelly's cheek before leaving him to talk hockey with Jay. The apologetic look she threw over her shoulder was met by a glare. She washed away her makeup and ran a comb through her hair before taking off her heels and lounging on the bed. At first she tried a seductive pose but that quickly became uncomfortable. By the time Kelly arrive she had decided to experiment with Shay's starfish position.

"I didn't think he was ever going to shut up" Kelly groaned as he sat on the edge of the bed to remove his shoes.

"I'm sorry" She said, placing a hand between his shoulder blades.

"Don't be" He smiled turning to smile at her before getting up. He took off his shirt and jeans before stopping to look at her.

"You sure you have enough love for this?" She asked gesturing from head to toe.

"Too soon" He groaned, crossing to the bed to lay down beside her.

"You are okay though?" She checked, propping herself up on one elbow as she used her free hand to slowly work the white fabric of his singlet up his body.

"Yeah. I don't even know what I was thinking" He answered honestly wishing he could go back and erase that portion of the evening.

"It's okay to have doubts, to be afraid of this change" Erin said, temporarily leaving his singlet to run a hand over the baby. "I know I'm scared" She admitted. "But love and happiness win, when I look down and see our baby I have to smile. When Shay does something stupid and gives me the same cheeky grin you do, I smile because that's what this is about. You are an incredible father and I'm going to give you another little human that you're going to shape into a wonderful person" She encouraged with a small smile.

"I love you so much" He replied firmly, reaching over to run a thumb along her cheekbone. Intent on sliding his hand to the back of her neck to draw her face close enough for a kiss.

"No more words" She breathed as she moved to straddle him, pulling the singlet off in one swift motion and interrupting his plan. He gave a nod in response, looking down to decipher the word she was writing across his chest with a fingertip. Love. Neither of them knew what love was, undefinable and indescribable, but they did know they were feeling it at that moment.

"I love you" He mouthed silently, it wasn't breaking the rule but she pressed a finger to his lips anyway. Leaning forward to replace it with hers for a soft and slow kiss. She sat back again, watching him carefully, his hands dropped to the buttons of her dress undoing them unhurriedly. The silence was heavy between them. When he bent forward to kiss the soft skin escaping her bra she let out a moan, letting it die halfway through, surprised by how loud it sounded. He set mind to generating another moan, temporarily inhibited by her dress. After letting him struggle for a few minutes she stood and undid the zipper that ran down the side, taking it off and letting it pool on the floor. Kelly sat up but she resumed her position over him regardless, accepting his hot kisses gladly. When her breathing grew louder than speaking would he took a break, running his fingers down her sides. She shed her bra and he cupped a breast in each hand, fingers alive as they caressed the softest skin she possessed. He rolled to the side in order to continue trailing kisses downward. She had been enjoying the feel of his taut shoulder muscles beneath her hands but she let them fall to the bed, idle, as he finally got the moan he desired. Like any good thing one simply wasn't enough, the easiest way to draw more from her was to remove the fabric keeping them apart. She had barely registered the sudden divestiture when his body took their place. There was only one thing in the world she could think about and even that was made difficult. She pulled him in for a kiss as his thrusts shifted from tentative to sure. As much as he loved kissing her he preferred the senseless stream of words pouring from her mouth, silence long forgotten. He loved her like this, completely bare, naked of mind and body. She fought to keep her eyes open, determined to convey everything she couldn't with words or actions in a single look. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't sustain it for long. It was Kelly who looked away first, eyes scanning her entire body to lock this moment in his mind forever. It wasn't even a moment though, over in no time as they both gave in to the spectacular result of their actions.

"I love you" She breathed against his lips before relaxing and embracing the strong desire to sleep. He replied within seconds but she was already asleep. He took a moment to shift her head to the pillow then pulled the covers over both of them before allowing sleep to claim him too.

**What a mammoth chapter, hopefully reading it didn't take as long as writing it did...though I must say I actually enjoyed the last part this time ;) Usually I feel a sense of obligation but today I just let my mind go! Now it's time for the bad news: I won't be able to update tomorrow or on Friday (and potentially Saturday as well). I have read a few fics that stopped abruptly for no obvious reason so I feel the need to let you know when I'm not going to be updating, no excuses this time, it's just my life. **


	81. Chapter 81

"Daddy!" Shay screamed as she appeared from behind the the firetruck. Kelly looked up, fully expecting to see his daughter, instead he saw a dragon wearing a tutu. He couldn't help himself and burst out laughing as the little monster ran towards him, lips and cheeks stained red, squealing excitedly. She came to a halt at his feet just as Erin rounded the truck in pursuit.

"Hello?" He said, looking down at Shay as if he didn't recognise her.

"Daddy up!" She demanded raising her arms to indicate she wanted to be lifted.

"Who are you?" He questioned.

"Oh, I traded in our daughter for a dragon princess" Erin informed as she approached.

"Princess?" He questioned, thinking a dragon ballerina was more believable.

"She left her tiara in the car" Erin explained as Shay growled and tried to climb her way up her father's leg.

"Nice" He nodded.

"We were sorting through some clothes..." She tried to justify. The tutu was only recent addition to Shay's wardrobe, after seeing Caitlin's at yoga on Monday Erin had decided she had to have one. Shay had immediately fallen in love with the sparkly purple frills and when she'd rediscovered her dragon costume, now barely big enough, she couldn't decide between the two.

"Clothes for the baby?" He asked excitedly, deluding himself into thinking it would arrive sooner if they were prepared.

"No, Shay's just grown two sizes in a week" Erin said proudly, both their babies seemed to be growing rapidly.

"Shay" Shay answered at last, looking up expectantly before raising her arms again.

"What happened to her face?" He questioned as he lifted her into his lap, finally getting a good look under her hood.

"Oh, that's from these" Erin explained as she set the container of cupcakes down on the table. She'd completely forgotten she was holding them. "I made blue for the district and red for you guys" She explained as she opened the container, she'd slipped when pouring the food colouring so anything that touched the icing was stained red. Erin placed a cupcake in front of Kelly then slid the container down the table to the rest of the squad.

"Thank you" He said, smiling up at his wife. Shay took advantage of his inattention and beat him to the cupcake. Smashing her hand into the icing as she lifted it from the table and shoved it at his mouth. "Thank you too" He said as he carefully took the cupcake off her then licked as much of the icing from her hand as he could. Erin reached over with a baby wipe and got the rest before Shay could spread it everywhere, feeling like she finally had the parenting thing down.

"There's another container on the front seat if you want to share with everyone else" Erin explained, throwing her keys to the closest squad member, a young guy she had never seen before.

"Seems like you're having a good day" Kelly smiled, pleased that everything was working out. They'd finally settled into a routine that worked for everyone.

"I'm having a great day" She grinned moving Shay to sit on the edge of the table so she could take her place on Kelly's lap.

"How's my baby?" He asked as he slid his hands up under her shirt, resting his head on her shoulder at the same time.

"Our baby is good" She replied, closing her eyes for a few seconds as she let herself relax, sighing softly as her cheek came to rest against his head.

"It's okay for you to spend a whole day on the couch or in bed you know" He reminded gently, sensing she was tired.

"Why would I do that?" She questioned, shifting slightly so she could look at him.

"You look tired" He answered cautiously, wishing he'd prefaced it with some sort of compliment. She looked beautiful and always would, just as if she needed to sleep.

"I'm fine" She smiled, choosing not to to be argumentative because it would only serve to prove him right.

"Did Shay wake you up again last night?" He questioned, noticing Shay escaping on all fours across the table. Her growth spurt had been accompanied by an increase in appetite, she seemed to want to eat constantly, hunger waking her in the middle of the night. When he was home they'd sneak down to the kitchen for biscuits or cake, Erin preferred to give her a banana.

"Yeah, but I still got plenty of sleep" Erin defended, knowing exactly where he was going with it. 

"And you've been up at seven every day for a fortnight. When are you going to stop?" He enquired, she seemed to think she wasn't allowed to be tired, not when she wasn't working.

"Driving with Russ?" She asked, wondering if he was being specific or general.

"Yeah" He nodded.

"Today, I'm done. I invited him over for dinner tonight. To thank him" She explained.

"Oh, okay" Kelly said, clearly surprised she hadn't mentioned it sooner. "What time?" He asked eventually.

"Seven" She supplied, watching Shay carefully as she distracted the rest of the squad with squeals of laughter before sneaking a hand into the container of cupcakes.

"I'll talk to Boden and see if I leave early" He volunteered.

"Erin, can she have one?" Tony asked, though Shay already had a cupcake in her hand.

"Yeah" Erin nodded, it was too late to stop her anyway, a handful of icing already on it's way to her mouth. "It's fine if you can't make it, Russ understands" She added as she looked back to her husband, doing everything she could to avoid yawning.

"I'd like to meet him. Properly" Kelly replied, eager to meet someone who'd known Erin before she'd become a detective.

"Okay" She smiled, settling back for a few moments.

"What have you got planned for the rest of the morning?" He asked watching carefully as Shay managed to extort his squad for more cupcake once she'd finished her own.

"I just have to stop by the pharmacy on the way home" She answered, without opening her eyes. If she did she knew she'd have to do something about Shay.

"Shay can stay here for a bit of you want to go by yourself" He suggested hopefully.

"Really?" She asked, even five minutes without her at this point seemed heavenly. Especially after three cupcakes when the sugar in her system would have her bouncing off the walls.

"Yeah, just pick her up on your way home" He shrugged, making sure she knew it wasn't a big deal.

"Not going to argue with that" Erin laughed as she got up. She kissed his cheek quickly then waved to Shay, dropping the packet of baby wipes on the table as she retreated. Just a few moments of silence in the car had her feeling restored, before she had been wondering how she was going to make it through dinner but now she was fully motivated. Hardly twenty minutes later she returned to the firehouse to find Kelly looking as if he'd just witnessed a violent crime and Shay sleeping peacefully on the floor under the squad table. "Do I want to know?" She teased.

"It was insane, I've never seen her that hyperactive. Racing around like a little hurricane...and then she just dropped, curled up and fell asleep" He debriefed slowly.

"You didn't give her another cupcake?" Erin questioned though she knew the answer already.

"Oops...but Pouch ate half of it" He cringed in response.

"That's still gotta be close to four" She said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Oops" Kelly groaned, tilting his head to check Shay was still sleeping.

"We're terrible parents" Erin realised, not sure why she was laughing. If not for the short break she would probably have been in tears.

"Yeah" He agreed.

"I guess she won't be needing lunch" She shrugged before bending over to check on Shay.

"I'll get her" Kelly stepped in, lifting the limp toddler out from under the table.

"I should take her home" She concluded, moving towards him so she could take Shay.

"I'm sorry" He whispered as he pushed past her, determined to carry Shay to the car himself.

"She'll be fine" Erin assured, following alongside then rushing ahead to open the car door for him.

"Why don't you have a sleep too? When you get home, just sleep for a bit" He recommended/

"I will" She smiled, stopping to hug him before getting into the car. She didn't sleep though, the moment Shay was in bed she started tidying. There were plenty of chores she'd put off and having a visitor was all the incentive she needed to finally get them done. Erin couldn't remember a time when there hadn't been a coffee stain on their coffee table, the wooden surface seemed bare without it. Then there were Shay's toys to put away and vacuuming and dusting to do. She even stepped outside for a few minutes to clean both sides of their front windows. Finally feeling as if she deserved a sleep she headed upstairs. Not five minutes after lying down Shay was awake. The moment they went downstairs Shay noticed the difference, everything was spotless and she didn't like it, determined to get things back to the way they had been. Toys were easy to put away again but red marker on the coffee table and hand prints on the windows were more difficult. As Erin chased after her she wondered if there had ever been a Hurricane Shay, it would have to have been pretty destructive so she was sure she'd have heard of it. Strapping Shay into her highchair and handing over her phone was the best solution Erin could think of. That way she stood a chance of starting dinner on time.

**I wanted to write the dinner in this chapter as well but I'm just too tired to do it justice right now so I'd rather wait. I'm really sorry. **


	82. Chapter 82

"What do we owe Boden?" Erin questioned the moment Kelly entered the kitchen an hour and a half before his shift ended.

"You're babysitting Baby Boden on Friday night" Kelly answered reluctantly, he wasn't convinced negotiations were over. If he had another chance to talk to the Chief he would swap the babysitting duties for an extra shift over the weekend.

"Great, thanks" She scoffed. She didn't mean to direct her frustration at him, but she'd just burned her wrist on the edge of pot for the third time. That along with two new bandaids decorating her hands indicated she'd had an accident prone afternoon.

"I'm sorry, I'll fix it" He added quickly.

"I'm sorry, it's not your fault" She replied, satisfied it was sufficiently stirred she moved to the sink to run her wrist under cold water. The first two burns were nothing more than red marks but the third had already started to blister.

"Are you alright?" He questioned as he moved across the kitchen to look down at her hand. "What happened?" He demanded upon closer inspection.

"I just caught the edge of the pot" She explained, wondering why he was looking so worried.

"Three times?" He asked, disbelief evident in his voice.

"Yeah" Erin nodded.

"You didn't sleep this afternoon did you?" He said, more an accusation than a question.

"Don't be stupid" She said as she turned off the water and patted her arm dry with some paper towel. Touching the raw skin stung but she didn't want Kelly to notice so she donned a neutral expression and continued as if it didn't.

"What can I do to help?" He asked kindly, resisting the urge to argue because it wouldn't help the situation.

"Um...You can take Shay upstairs and get her dressed" She answered slowly, looking over to see Shay still engrossed in the game on the mobile phone.

"Why don't you do that? I'll watch this" He suggested gently, moving over to the stove.

"Okay" She compromised, certain that if she protested he would too. All she wanted was a nice, friendly dinner with Russ. "Shay, time to stop" She warned as she approached the highchair, much to her surprise Shay dropped the device to the tray and looked up.

"Why?" Shay squealed excitedly.

"We need to get ready for dinner" Erin informed, bouncing Shay up the stairs energetically. The only explanation for Shay's uncharacteristic behaviour was her own neglectful parenting. Erin hated that she'd been too busy cleaning and preparing for the dinner to have paid Shay much attention. She was starting to admit to herself that she was in fact tired. There wasn't much she could do other than enjoy the dinner then get some quality sleep, she'd already put an end to her early morning obligations. Kelly would probably even volunteer to take Shay to playgroup to give her a chance to sleep in. Erin tried to redeem herself by making getting dressed fun, Shay didn't seem fazed by the removal of her dragon costume. She hadn't fussed when the tutu had disappeared during her afternoon nap but Erin had been certain Russ would be meeting Shay the dragon.

"Urrrple" Shay requested when Erin asked which of the two dresses she preferred. The purple dress was soft cotton, plain and simple with flowers embroidered around the edges. Once she was in the dress there was the small matter of taming her hair, something else that had been growing recently. Light brown and now long enough to have a slight wave. Keeping it out of her eyes was the main objective so Erin put up the top half and added a purple butterfly clip for decoration. They moved down the hall to the next room, Shay inspecting her appearance in the mirror with a delighted grin while Erin changed her shirt. After holding Shay's hands while she jumped on the bed for a few minutes they decided to go back to the kitchen to see what Kelly was up to.

"Has Daddy been making a mess?" Erin asked Shay, they were both grinning across at him.

"Daddy's got this under control if Mummy wants to set the table" He answered with a confident smile.

"Are you sure?" She questioned, not wanting him to feel obliged.

"Yeah, he should be here soon" He enthused.

"Okay" She accepted, taking Shay with her. After setting two places she peeked back into the kitchen.

"It's fine" Kelly assured when he caught her.

"Thank you" She smiled seriously before moving on to the third. Shay's highchair always went at the end of the table, typically with a parent each side. Tonight however, Erin would sit closest to Shay with Russ opposite and Kelly to the right. It looked a little awkward but was the only appropriate configuration she could find, seating Kelly next to Russ seemed silly given they'd never met. Once the dining room looked neat Erin filled one of Shay's cups with juice and screwed on the lid, resisting Shay's attempts to drink it before dinner she put it out on the highchair tray. Erin finally had a chance to stop for a few moments, using the opportunity to ask her husband about his day, pleased to hear it had been fairly quiet. Then the doorbell rang and Shay raced off, used to the noise signaling the arrival of a friend. Erin followed behind, picking up Shay before opening the door. "Welcome" She greeted as she stepped aside to let Russ in.

"Thank you" Russ replied, they were both as unsure as each other on the typical script for such situations. "I had to bring something and I didn't think wine was appropriate so I got some sparkling apple juice" He explained, holding up the bottle. The only thing that distinguished it from a wine bottle was the large silver apple on the label.

"Thanks" She smiled before realising she'd forgotten something. "Russ, this is Shay" Erin introduced, only now noticing the way Shay was gripping her sleeve incredibly tightly. "Say hello" She instructed, Shay gave a pained look and snuggled into her mother's chest, avoiding looking at the stranger. It wasn't Uncle JayJay with a colouring book or Aunty Katie who cooked incredible food, she'd never met Russ before and she didn't seem to want to. Erin mouthed an apology to Russ and tried to extract Shay from her hiding place. They moved through to the dining room where Kelly appeared.

"Hi, Kelly" He greeted simply.

"Russ" Russ replied with a nod as he accepted the handshake, Erin hoped she wasn't the only one thinking it was somewhat awkward.

"Daddy" Shay requested, speaking for the first time in Russ' presence only in order to get further away from him. Kelly took Shay through to the kitchen for a minute while Erin showed Russ around, focusing on the photos they had displayed around the house.

"That's more like it" Russ commented when he found an old photo of Erin and Hank.

"A lot's changed" She laughed.

"For the better though, you have a beautiful family" He complimented with a small smile.

"I've been really lucky" Erin agreed.

"You've worked hard and you deserve it" He corrected, not believing there was such a thing as luck in those situations. Luck was getting inside before a storm hit not turning your life around completely and finding someone to share it with.

"What about you? Family?" She asked, eager to steer the conversation away from herself.

"Nah, never had a chance. I was seeing someone a few years ago, she had a some adult kids and they didn't like me...So that was that" He shrugged, clearly still a little saddened by the outcome.

"That's a shame" She responded with an adequate level of sympathy.

"I don't need kids of my own, I have nieces and nephews and plenty of others through the academy. You included" He reminded.

"You definitely made a difference in my life" Erin smiled, he was the main reason her memories of the academy were positive.

"I was just carrying on what Voight started" He said modestly.

"Thank you" She replied seriously. There was so much she owed him for, right down to getting to class on time on her first day at the academy. She'd been dreadfully lost when they'd bumped into each other, he walked her to class while he talked about a recruit he was looking forward to meeting. Someone his friend had told him would be the best cop in their year, she'd blushed furiously when he'd advised her to become friends with Erin Lindsay. He'd laughed outright when he called attendance in his class the next day, their relationship had progressed to friendship the moment she graduated. They'd kept in contact for a little while but when she was moved up to intelligence work had become her only priority.

"Dinner?" Kelly questioned when he stepped into the lounge room, feeling as if he'd interrupted an important moment.

"Yeah, sorry we're on our way" Erin acknowledged as she followed him through to the dining room. After a minor tantrum from Shay at being so close to the stranger, sparked by Russ trying to talk to her, they started to eat. Erin continued to make small talk with Russ, Kelly's hand on her leg under the table to indicate his support physically rather than verbally.

"I have to thank you, Sir" Kelly contributed to end an awkward silence.

"None of that" Russ scolded in his natural teacher-like manner. "Erin never told me what firehouse you're at" He lead.

"Fifty-One" Kelly replied, gesturing vaguely in the direction of his workplace.

"In that case I believe you'll know my nephew Chase" Russ informed proudly.

"He's new on my squad" Kelly nodded.

"How's he doing?"

"He's a good kid, has plenty to learn but I look forward to teaching him everything I know" Kelly smiled. Chase had only been with them a week, he fit in well with the squad and listened and did what he was told, that was the most important thing.

"You'll keep him safe? His mother worries" Russ asked, though it was clear he was concerned as well.

"Of course" Kelly nodded.

"Erin, how do you handle having a husband in such a dangerous job?" Russ wondered.

"Honestly? I try not to think about it. It's hard..." Erin explained thoughtfully. "He's been hurt a few times" She recalled, looking across at Kelly for a moment as his grip on her leg tightened. "It used to be pretty even" She added.

"Her job was hardly safe" Kelly explained. Erin didn't like that he used the past tense, she had every intention of returning to work when the baby was old enough.

"It's worth it?" Russ enquired, trying to judge Kelly's view on his wife's career.

"It's absolutely worth it and Kelly wouldn't do what he does unless he thought it was worth it too" Erin interjected.

"I'm lucky this time around" Kelly agreed, almost randomly.

"Hmm?" Russ questioned.

"She worked when she was pregnant with Shay" He explained.

"Mostly behind my desk" She clarified before Russ got the wrong impression.

"Happy and healthy is all that matters" Russ suggested, sensing it had long been a source of conflict.

"Exactly" Erin agreed.

"Looking forward to having another?" He asked after a few moments peace.

"Definitely" Erin smiled nodding along with Kelly.

"Shay's going to be a great big sister" He suggested, though it was a complete assumption because didn't know Shay very well, if at all.

"Why?" Shay asked in response. Russ had been calm so far and her mother smiled when he spoke so she'd slowly started to think it would be alright to interact with him.

"You're going to help look after the baby?" He questioned.

"Mama baby?" Shay asked hopefully.

"You're my baby" Erin encouraged, but Shay only started to babble nonsensically, using familiar sounds and the occasional word. "She doesn't really understand"

"She's smaller than I expected, you sure you're up for two little ones?" Russ asked, watching intently as Shay prodded her food with a finger.

"I hope so, she'll be two before the baby's born" Erin reasoned, thoughtful of everything Cindy had said. Shay was constantly getting bigger and smarter. The variety of activities she participated in had to be credited, they were such wonderful learning environments. Erin wasn't sure they'd continue the Spanish classes with three out of four sessions so far having been cancelled.

"We'll manage" Kelly smiled.

"You could always help out by babysitting" Erin teased, knowing Russ definitely wasn't the type to look after small children. She'd be happy if he taught Shay to drive though, it would be much less stressful than doing it herself and Hank was hopeless.

"BabeSat Hanky Grandpa" Shay explained, throwing her cup to the floor to get Russ' attention.

"Grandpa?" Russ asked, unable to hide his smile at the thought of Hank and Shay together. He'd known Hank Voight for years, always going to the same bars after work, and knew he was softer than he seemed. But at the same time imagining the gruff Sergeant with little girl seemed strange.

"Papa Hank?" Erin led.

"Papa Hanky" Shay agreed, thumping both fists to the highchair tray in encouragement.

"What about Russ?" Erin asked Shay.

"Gampaa?" Shay pondered for a moment, looking at Russ cautiously.

"Grandpa Russ or Papa Russ?" Erin replied, turning her attention to the subject of their conversation.

"Really?" Russ asked uncertainly.

"We have to stay in contact and Shay's kind of lacking in grandparents, it's really just Hank" Erin explained, Russ certainly deserved the roll of honorary grandparent.

"Nothing from your family?" He dared to ask, looking sad but hopeful.

"Absolutely not" Erin assured with a smile, happy to think about where she was going rather than where she had come from.

"How is Hank doing? I haven't seen him much in the last year or so" Russ wondered.

"He doesn't go out much... refuses to admit it but being shot has taken a toll on him" She explained carefully, she hated thinking about that time and had to keep reminding herself that Hank was perfectly fine.

"He was shot?" Russ asked, he wasn't joking when he said he hadn't seen him much.

"Yeah, not quite a year ago when we went to see a CI, she go annoyed shot him. Only just missed his heart but ruptured his aorta. He's very lucky to be alive" Erin sighed.

"That is lucky" Russ agreed. "Especially at his age"

"Aren't you two about the same age?" She asked.

"Well yeah but I do a sitting around and talking job while he does a running and shooting job. He can't keep at it forever" Russ argued, certain he wasn't nearly fit enough to do Hank's job.

"He's fine though" Erin defended automatically, the thought of anyone else running the unit was too hard to think about. Voight thought he was indestructible and she wasn't about to disagree with him.

"What was Erin like back at the academy?" Kelly asked, hopeful of lightening the mood somewhat.

"She was a great kid and a great student, her name isn't on the honor board for no reason" Russ joked.

"What?!" Kelly demanded immediately.

"She didn't tell you?" Russ asked, looking accusingly at Erin. "Finished top of her class. Still holds records around the place, fastest repelling and deescalating drill, fastest obstacle course, track record and spectacular performance at the range."

"Really?" Kelly asked. Not surprised to hear it, as such, just surprised he wasn't hearing it from her.

"You've married an incredibly talented cop" Russ informed.

"I knew that already" Kelly beamed.

"Who want's dessert?" Erin asked quickly, gathering plates as she stood. When she returned to deliver bowls of apple pie and ice cream they stopped talking suddenly. She knew they had been talking about her and turned her attention to helping Shay eat so they could continue. Overhearing their conversation led her to the conclusion that they were so certain of her abilities, much more so than she was. The apple pie was gone in no time. Russ was certain to thank her for what she'd known was his favourite desert. Erin cleaned up while Kelly took Russ and Shay through to the lounge, deep in conversation with Russ. The way they had gone from awkward strangers to friends in such little time had Erin a little worried, Russ had a healthy stock of embarrassing stories he could tell. Instead she found both men sitting on the floor playing with Shay, settling on the couch to watch them compete for the coloured blocks they required. Shay knocked over their city then sat on Russ' lap while they rebuilt, showing extraordinary progress as well. Erin decided it was picture worthy when Kelly and Russ continued to build even after Shay fell asleep. Erin took Shay up to bed, leaving Kelly to reminisce with Russ about his own old car and his dreams of restoring one again someday. The dim light in Shay's room made Erin sleepy so when she returned downstairs she was quick to bring the evening to a close, determined to do it again sometime soon.

"That was great" Kelly concluded when they'd waved goodbye to Russ.

"I'm glad you like him" Erin smiled.

"I want driving lessons with him!" He laughed.

"You'd just have to ask" She assured, double checking everything was away in the kitchen before flicking the light switch and heading upstairs.

"I'd rather spend the time with you and Shay" He decided, following her into the bathroom.

"Talking about time with Shay, would you mind taking her to playgroup in the morning? I'd like to get some extra sleep" She requested, he wouldn't say no but it was nice to preface it as a question.

"I'd love to, thank you" He nodded enthusiastically, time with Shay while Erin was resting seemed like a complete bonus.

"Don't be silly" Erin shrugged, giving him a hug before walking him out to the bed. The moment she got comfortable against his chest she fell asleep. Kelly scrolled through the pictures on her phone before turning out the light.

**I didn't think I'd be able to update today but I worked really hard to get everything else out of the way! I hope you liked it :D **


	83. Chapter 83

Kelly had fully anticipated the need to sneak out without waking Erin, he didn't expect to still be sneaking around after lunch time. They'd returned from playgroup to find the house silent, after putting Shay down in the lounge room he'd crept up the stairs to find that Erin hadn't moved from the bed, still sleeping heavily. Back downstairs he took his duty to entertain Shay, quietly, very seriously. It wasn't particularly difficult given Shay's tranquil post-playgroup state. Her lack of energy meant that sitting either end of the coffee table rolling toy cars back and forth was entertainment enough. After lunch she went down for her nap leaving Kelly alone in the quiet house. He tried to do the laundry but after bashing and crashing around the small room, unable to locate the fabric softener, he gave up. There was nothing of interest on the television so he made his way upstairs, convinced that joining them for an afternoon sleep was the best option. Erin started to stir the moment he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Hey" She smiled, looking across to see him bent over, hands working on the laces of his shoes.

"Hey sleepyhead" He whispered back, kicking off his shoes.

"What are you doing?" She asked softly, rolling onto her side to watch him. She'd expected him to be putting his shoes on not taking them off.

"If you can't beat 'em join 'em" He explained, relaxing back on the bed.

"But playgroup" She reasoned with a yawn.

"It's almost two o'clock, we went to playgroup" He informed seriously.

"What?!" She questioned immediately, then decided not to waste the energy because it simply wasn't possible to have slept through their departure and return. Let alone the entire morning.

"You've been sleeping" Kelly nodded as he caressed her cheek, running a fingertip along the line left by a crease in her pillowcase.

"But...really?" She asked scrunching up her face as she tried to process the possibility, his face certainly didn't suggest he was joking.

"Yeah, we tried to stay quiet for you" He smiled.

"Thank you" She nodded before reaching across for her phone. Convinced that he was in fact telling the truth she still felt unsettled by strange passage of time. "Where's Shay?"

"Napping, we did lots of running around at playgroup" He explained with a smile.

"Oh"

"I stayed with her the whole time to avoid the other mums" He added to make sure she knew there was nothing to be jealous of.

"Thank you" She whispered, letting her eyelids flutter for a moment as she suddenly found herself struggling to stay awake.

"Just sleep" He replied, shifting so her head could rest on his shoulder. She nodded once then let out a deep breath as her entire body relaxed again. It was at least an hour before she woke again.

"I'm so hungry" Erin realised aloud, waking Kelly as she pushed herself up and out of his embrace.

"I'll make you some lunch" He volunteered as he sat up behind her, having only been dozing.

"I need food. Now" She replied urgently as she stood and crossed to the door, she didn't care what she ate, anything would do. There were too many choices in the kitchen so she found herself standing in the cold draft of the open fridge, eating whatever she could get her hands on.

"I'll make you proper food" Kelly offered when he arrived after her, shutting the fridge just as it started to beep from being left open. Erin continued to eat a slice of apple pie and some celery while watching him put together a sandwich.

"Thank you" She mumbled through a mouthful of pastry as he handed her the sandwich on a plate. Then he made his way upstairs, having caught sight of Shay playing quietly in her room on his way to the kitchen. Shay wanted him to join her game, hide and seek with Roary and an unnamed toy badger.

"Mama's waiting downstairs" Kelly explained to her, she launched into his arms, eager to see her mother at last.

"Mamamamamama" Shay chanted until she was seated on Erin's lap, the sandwich long gone.

"Do you want more?" He asked as he picked up the plate.

"No, I'm good. Sorry" She apologised, not sure he understood just how forceful her hunger had been. Missing breakfast and lunch when pregnant was hardly a smart move.

"I probably should have woken you for lunch" Kelly replied before taking the plate to the kitchen. It wasn't at all his fault but she didn't get the chance to argue the point. By the time he returned she was playing with Shay. After going upstairs to shower and dress she insisted they take a walk around the block, feeling especially lazy. Shay walked most of the first block, Erin decided she wasn't ready for them to go home and crossed the road to keep walking. Kelly picked Shay up, her legs so much smaller than theirs, and swung her onto his shoulders before rushing to catch up with Erin.

"I'm sorry I wasted our day" Erin apologised, slipping her hand into his as they walked.

"You didn't waste it" He disagreed, releasing her hand for a moment as he repositioned Shay on his shoulders, carefully placing his other hand on her back so she couldn't fall.

"I pretty much did" She persisted.

"Spending a day growing our baby is a good thing, your body needed that sleep" He reasoned, bringing her hand up to his mouth so he could kiss the back of it.

"I guess" She accepted reluctantly.

"It's okay for you to slow down" He added, hoping she'd continue to agree with him.

"But I don't want to, I like going out and doing things with Shay" She argued, getting a sigh in response.

"I know you do but it's okay not to have a scheduled activity every day of the week" He suggested gently.

"I'm pretty sure Spanish is cancelled indefinitely so I have nothing on Wednesday's" She explained with a smile, confident that he'd be satisfied with her having a day off midweek.

"Okay, you're not allowed to leave the house on Wednesday's" He nodded, pleased to have reached a consensus.

"Um...I agree with what you're saying but I don't like the precedent this sets. I'll divorce you here and now if you try to tell me when I can and can't leave the house" She replied deadly seriously. Regret instantly hit her but she stood firmly by what she'd said.

"I'm sorry" He managed, stopping walking to look at her. "That's not what I'm trying to do. I just want a healthy baby and that means you need to listen to your body" He defended.

"I am! It's my body" She argued, feeling like they weren't making any progress.

"You know what I'm trying to say" He complained with an exasperated sigh.

"What did I ask you to do when I was pregnant with Shay?" She asked after a moment.

"Trust you?" He shrugged, she'd asked him to do a lot of things but he figured this most likely what she was referring to.

"Exactly, and we have a beautiful, healthy daughter" She reminded.

"Fine, do what ever you like" He conceded, still trying to get over the shock of her using the D word.

"I'll call Cindy when we get home" She said as she started walking, pulling him along by their still joined hands.

"What?" He questioned, completely lost.

"Wednesday's: Josie goes to kindy so it's just Kenny at home and Cindy said she'd always be happy to take Shay. I'll call her and organise it. One day a week won't hurt" Erin explained, she didn't personally feel it was necessary but knew it would make Kelly happy. A day alone certainly wouldn't hurt, especially considering how motivated she'd felt after twenty minutes alone at the pharmacy.

"Okay" He agreed hesitantly.

"Anything else you want?" She asked lightly, flashing him a grin as she reached up to put Shay's hat back on her head.

"No" Kelly said quickly. "Thank you" He added.

"I love you" Erin assured.

"I trust you, completely and totally" He replied. The timing was perfect as they'd just reached their driveway, having walked four blocks. Erin kept her word and called Cindy the moment they got inside, less than five minutes later it was all sorted. Kelly and Erin talked on and off while Shay watched the newest addition to their DVD collection: Planes Fire and Rescue. Then they had dinner and played with Shay until she was tired. Kelly was happy to bathe her and get her into bed, it was one of the things he missed the most when at work. Then he settled on the couch with Erin to watch her favourite medical drama, a completely unrealistic portrayal of life as a doctor in outback Australia.

"I don't want you to go" Erin complained when Kelly to checked his watch for the fourth time, they both knew it wasn't long before he had to leave for work.

"Why not?" He questioned gently.

"Because I won't sleep" She justified, redirecting her attention to him as she shifted from hugging him side on to sitting across his lap.

"Yes you will" He assured, carefully laying her back until her head rested on the armrest.

"I slept all day, I'm never going to get to sleep" She argued determinedly, feeling wide awake and fully alert.

"I'll stay until you're asleep" Kelly proposed hopefully as the program came to an end.

"That could be hours!" She said, shaking her head as she tried to figure out how their conversation had gone full circle. She wanted him to stay, or rather she wanted him to know that she wanted him to stay, she didn't actually want to be responsible for him being late to work.

"I know, but I love you" He reasoned, pressing his lips to her forehead in a soft kiss.

"I love you too" She replied, still a little confused. He turned off the television then moved to get up, much to his disappointment Erin managed to wriggle her way out of his arms. He caught her by the waist and kissed her shoulder before guiding her up the stairs and into their bathroom. They brushed their teeth with unintentionally synchronous movements then moved through to the bedroom. Kelly ventured downstairs to get her a glass of water as she changed into pyjamas, one of his t-shirts.

"Into bed" He instructed upon his return, she did as she was told and crawled into bed. He lay down on top of the covers on his own side and turned out the light, waiting until his eyes adjusted before reaching across to brush her hair back. "Close your eyes" He requested before placing light kisses all over her face running his fingers along her jaw and down her neck. She moved closer and kissed him softly before resting her forehead against his. Then they lay still, listening to the sound of each others breathing, Erin's slowing and evening out as she started to drift off. Just as he'd expected it didn't take her very long to fall asleep, the most tense moment was getting off the bed, from there he made his way downstairs and grabbed his keys. If the traffic was good he wouldn't even be late.

**I don't think I've been consistent with pyjamas/pajamas but if that's my biggest concern then I'm happy :D **


	84. Chapter 84

**I had a little bit of an issue with the timeline and had to do some rewriting because Baby Boden is so little on the show but my fic is set in the future - Terry Boden is older than Shay. **

Kelly's attempt at renegotiating Friday night didn't go well. Poor phrasing led Chief Boden to believe he was volunteering to work a double shift, expecting nothing in return. He feared bringing it up again would only make it worse so he gave a small smile and left the Chief's office.

"Lieutenant, can we talk?" Chase asked as he met Kelly in the hall. Kelly was happy to delay calling his wife to deliver the bad news and gave the young man a nod.

"What's up?" Kelly questioned.

"My uncle mentioned that he'd met you and I just...I'm not sure what he told you about me but...But I've changed" Chase assured, steel grey eyes locked with his superiors in a firm stare.

"He didn't really say anything, just asked me to keep an eye on you" Kelly informed, narrowing his eyes as he tried to figure out what Chase was trying to say.

"Oh...Well forget I said anything" The younger man said, panic drawing out a weak laugh.

"Not so fast" Kelly called after him when he turned on his heels and started walking back the way he had come. "What do you mean changed?"

"It's nothing" Chase was quick to reply.

"We all change" Kelly nodded "there's no reason to be ashamed of your past if it's led you to where you want to be, where you are now" He finished wisely.

"Okay, thanks Sir" Chase said after a thoughtful pause. Kelly was left standing alone still trying to figure out what Chase could possibly be talking about. He was so young that surely there couldn't be much in his past to run from. Deciding to think on it and bring it up at a later date Kelly continued back out to the squad table to find his jacket. In the pocket was his phone, as he pulled it out and flipped it the right way up it started to ring, making him jump a little.

"Morning" He greeted when he answered.

"Good morning" Erin replied, he could tell from her voice alone that she'd slept well.

"What did you have for breakfast?" He enquired, looking to ease his way into the conversation before telling her the outcome of his conversation with Boden.

"Toast...with the avocado you tried to hide" She answered, a combination of triumph and guilt discernible in her voice.

"I wasn't hiding it! I just wanted some..." He defended, a complete lie, he had definitely been hiding it.

"Sorry" She replied honestly.

"You ate all of it?" He questioned, sounding far more surprised than he actually was.

"Shay had some" She answered, shifting some of the blame onto their daughter to make herself feel better.

"Sure" He said sceptically.

"I'm sorry" Erin apologised.

"I'll get more" He shrugged, it would almost be worth the effort of planting and caring for an avocado tree at this rate.

"Thank you" She grinned in response.

"Bad news..." He stated after a pause.

"Yeah?" She questioned.

"I couldn't get you out of babysitting Terry" He informed hesitantly.

"That's okay"

"I'm really sorry" He apologised.

"It's totally fine. Shay could do with a new friend, they haven't really spent any time together" She explained, not particularly worried about spending an evening with two toddlers. If she could manage the Herrmann brood it couldn't be that bad.

"That's not all..." He added, cringing as he considered the best way to phrase what he was about to say.

"Mmm?" She asked.

"I'm working over the weekend" He blurted, getting it out quickly seemed easiest.

"Oh" She said, understanding exactly what had happened.

"I'm sorry" He assured.

"Stop apologising, it's fine. We'll just have to come visit you" She replied cheerfully, unwilling to let the disappointment she felt influence her tone.

"Thank you" He said with a smile. He'd avoided working double shifts for months, hating not seeing Shay for forty-eight hours straight.

"We've got to go to music, I'll call you on our way to the library like usual" She explained, having been getting ready to leave the house as they spoke.

"Okay, have fun" He concluded.

"Love you" She added automatically.

"Love you all" He smiled as he put the phone away. Wandering back inside to check on his squad and get to work. Once he'd delegated all the jobs he could think of, conscious of the awkward glances Chase kept throwing his way, he headed up to his desk to fill in some equipment requisition forms. It was painfully boring work but he once it was done he could stop by the kitchen on the way to the squad table for a game of cards. Midway through the games they were called to a school where they were needed to free a boy who had slipped between two steps. He was terrified and had a substantial graze up his back but the staircase definitely came off second best, losing one of the steps in the process of freeing him. Brett and Mills took the child to the hospital while Casey made a quick trip to the hardware store. Going above and beyond Matt used his carpentry skills to put a replacement step in, in time for recess. Then they made their way back to the firehouse for another hand of cards.

"Severide, Boden's looking for you" Otis informed on his way past. Kelly threw in his hand of useless cards and got up, checking his phone on the way to Boden's office. He sent Erin a quick message saying he'd call instead then knocked and entered.

"Severide" Boden greeted, gesturing for he Lieutenant to take a seat, Kelly immediately obliged.

"What's up Chief?" He questioned wanting to get straight to the point.

"I just got a call from Donna, Terry's not doing so well. Seems to have picked up a cold at daycare. I made this reservation months ago so I've convinced Donna that Erin can handle it" Boden explained.

"I'll talk to Erin, Shay can probably stay with Hank so she doesn't catch whatever it is" Kelly replied after taking a few moments to think through their arrangements.

"I'm sorry" Boden apologised.

"Nothing you can do about it. I'd be able to look after Shay if I wasn't working tomorrow" Kelly put forward as an option, hopeful the Chief would forget his eagerness to work an extra shift.

"I really need you on squad though, we've got a serious lack of guys at the moment" Boden answered, shifting in his seat to look at the roster he had on his computer screen.

"I can talk to Chase" Kelly suggested, he knew the rest of the squad members had plans and weren't up for a double.

"He's already working tomorrow" Boden informed.

"Okay. It's no problem, Erin'll be at your place by seven" Kelly assured, hopeful Erin would be just as accepting.

"Thanks Severide, I'll keep this in mind when you want time off with your new baby" Boden smiled as the conversation terminated.

"Thanks" Kelly nodded as he got up and left the office, already full of dread about the phone call he now had to make. He thought about calling Hank first to organise him looking after Shay but figured it was probably best if Erin handled it considering the extremely late notice they were giving. Before he could over think it he stepped into the laundry and dialed his wife.

"Hello handsome" She greeted, sounding particularly happy.

"Gorgeous" He nodded in response. "How was music?"

"She refuses to play anything but the drums" Erin laughed, now that she wasn't faced with disapproving parents and teachers it was easy to see the situation as amusing.

"Knowing what she wants isn't a bad thing" He replied, most of the time it was great that she knew what she wanted. The exception being when she couldn't communicate that desire effectively.

"I agree but the people running the class seem to think she's too young to know what she wants, its stupid" She groaned, even just attending for the percussion segment of the lesson was worth it for the smile on Shay's face though.

"That is dumb, she definitely knows what she wants" He confirmed, thinking of how certain Shay was about things she did and didn't like.

"How's your morning been?" She asked.

"Quiet, just a quick trip out to a school to free a kid who slipped and got stuck between two stairs" He recalled simply.

"Ouch" She cringed as she pictured the situation.

"He's fine now though" He was sure to add, she had definitely become more squeamish of late. Normally she was all for guts and gore but the pregnancy hormones had her empathising with any and all pain, he'd noticed it a few times and knew to be more sensitive.

"Of course he is, my hero of a husband was there to save the day" She said proudly, trying to take her mind of the child.

"I can't think of anything that starts with W" He complained when the silence stretched past an acceptable pause, determined to find an alliterated compliment.

"I'm your wonderful...incubator?" She suggested with a laugh.

"You're so much more than that, but how is the baby?" He questioned.

"The same" She answered, wishing there was more she could tell him.

"No kicking?" He asked.

"It's still a little early for that" She explained gently.

"Oh" He accepted, it was a good thing really because he was determined to be present when the baby gave it's first solid kick.

"Any requests for books at the library?" Erin asked, changing the subject from their unborn child to their bookworm toddler. They had gotten into the habit of borrowing five books every Friday, reading them a few times each before returning them. It was a great calming strategy when Shay got angry or frustrated and an important component of her bedtime routine.

"Are there any more by the author of the Wombat book?" He questioned, having enjoyed the writing style as much as Shay had.

"I'll have a look" Erin assured.

"Thanks"

"Anything else? Because we're nearly there" She asked, almost dropping the phone as she held it against her shoulder to get a better grip of Shay's hand as they crossed a road.

"Two things. To make things even worse Boden just called me into his office to tell me that Terry's sick, he still wants you to sit for them though. It's contagious so you're going to want to find someone to watch Shay, I was thinking Hank wouldn't have plans for a Friday night..." He trailed off.

"Okay, what's the second thing?" She prompted.

"Did Russ say much about Chase? I want to know more about him and he isn't opening up" Kelly explained, certain that doing some digging wouldn't hurt.

"He never even mentioned him, but give Chase a chance. He's still getting used to things" Erin defended, purely because Chase was related to Russ she wanted him to succeed.

"I know, I'm being nice I promise" Kelly guaranteed genuinely, he wanted the kid to stick around and become the firefighter he had the potential to be. But if there was something holding him back that they were able to help with, they had to find out what it was.

"I'll talk to Russ about it when I see him next" She proposed.

"Thanks" Kelly smiled. "Have fun at the library" He started to conclude as Mouch entered the laundry to transition his clothes from the washer to the drier.

"We will. You stay safe" She answered.

"Love you" Kelly responded, she hung up quickly as they approached the stairs to the library, preferring to have both hands available to assist Shay.

* * *

Erin didn't blame Terry for screaming, he was sick and had been left in the care of a someone who was practically a stranger. Donna had gone through an extensive list of calming strategies but Erin had barely listened, certain she could handle it. Now she was going on the little she remembered, something about a blanket, in an attempt to calm him. If he didn't already have a sore throat he was going to give himself one. "Which blanket?" Erin questioned as she entered his bedroom, there were three blankets in and around the bed, then a few rolled up on a shelf and two on the chair in the corner. Way too many options.

"Mama!" Terry wailed yet again, struggling to free himself from Erin's grip. She closed his bedroom door and set him down, wanting to see what he would do. After checking the room carefully he walked to the door and started banging on it. "I want Mama!" He yelled.

"Terry, Mama's not here right now but she will be in a little bit" Erin lied, it had barely been half an hour since they'd left so their return was far from imminent. He slumped to the floor, still banging his fists against the door as he cried. "Aha!" She smiled as she found the most worn looking blanket, a black and white cow spotted fleece article with ragged edges. She wasn't sure what to do with it so she simply spread it over him. He pulled it over his head and curled underneath it, instantly soothed by the familiar square of fabric. "Okay little man, bottle and bed I think" She decided as she scooped him up off the floor, his head peeking out from under the blanket as they went downstairs. Donna had left written instructions that Erin followed to the letter. Carefully measuring out his medicine before giving it to him, closely followed by a bottle of milk to wash it down. Terry continued to drink his bottle contentedly as Erin took him back upstairs and put him to bed, making sure his blanket was tucked securely around him. She scanned the bookshelf and chose a familiar story, one Shay enjoyed, but as she turned to read it to him she realised he was already asleep. Sliding the book back into place she spotted a baby names book on the top shelf, she took it downstairs and settled on the couch to flip through it. She had almost finished the boys names, when the Boden's got home, searching for a potential middle name for Henry. Donna insisted she keep the book and thanked her profusely for looking after Terry, sacrificing time with her own child. After a quick stop to collect Shay it was time to go home and sleep, too tired to think much about her husband's absence.

**Any ideas about the Chase situation? I know I haven't given you much to go on but that'll be developed in coming chapters :) I picture him as a young David Lyons if that helps at all... **

**Biihzane: There is some drama just around the corner...**


	85. Chapter 85

**PSA: If you're on Facebook go give 'Linseride are Love' a like (and follow them while you're there!) :D **

"It's just you and me princess. We're going to have a girls weekend" Erin explained as she dressed Shay, a light green long sleeved shirt joined the purple tutu and striped rainbow tights. Just looking at her made Erin smile. After waking to an empty bed with a sore throat and runny nose she was doing everything in her power to turn the day into a good one.

"Girls" Shay nodded as she reached up to be lifted, fingertips brushing against her mother's growing belly.

"I'll have to tell Daddy you said that" Erin laughed as she picked Shay up. There was a fifty percent chance Shay's prediction would be right. It was still a few weeks until they'd be able to find out and even then Erin wasn't sure they would.

"Daddy?" Shay asked as she slipped down to the ground again looking around for a moment before finding a piece of paper she'd scribbled on with red crayon. "Daddy" She repeated as she showed the picture to her mother.

"It that a picture for Daddy?" Erin questioned though it was clear that was what Shay was trying to communicate. "Let's cook Daddy something yummy and then we'll go visit him"

"Yes!" Shay agreed Erin picked her up and took her down to the kitchen. She'd already taken some plain cookie dough from the freezer so all they had to do was select a flavour and mix it through. Shay demanded peanut butter while Erin was keen on chocolate so they divided the dough in half. Once the dough was flavoured they formed small balls and lay them out on the baking tray. Erin had forgotten to preheat the oven so she cranked up the temperature to compensate. Ten minutes later they took them out of the oven, perfectly baked but needing to cool before they could be packed for transport. Turning her back for a moment to wash the container she turned around to see Shay munching away on one of each flavour, both still warm. "You're a cheeky princess" Erin smiled before quickly following Shay's lead.

"No princess, no taaraa" Shay explained as she patted her head.

"Your tiara is still in the car" Erin answered through a mouthful of chocolate and peanut buttery goodness. It would always be her favourite combination, she just needed something to stick them together so everyone else could taste it too. They'd used most of the peanut butter in the dough and they'd run out of Nutella as well so their options were limited. The tub of vanilla frosting in the fridge was mysteriously empty so their only option was strawberry jam. Erin decided to give it a try, making one for herself and one for Shay. "Any good?"

"Yummmama" Shay agreed.

"Do you think Daddy will like them?" Erin asked as helped Shay get off the bench, unable to decipher what she was saying with her mouth full.

"Go Daddy" Shay yelled after swallowing, grabbing her drawing as she ran to the front door.

"One minute" Erin called after her as she rushed to sandwich the remaining cookies with strawberry jam and pack them into the container. They stopped to put on shoes and jackets then headed out to the car. Something brushed past Erin's leg as she secured Shay in her car seat, she looked down to see the formerly home invading black cat. She hadn't seen it in weeks and it had never been so friendly before, rubbing around her legs in a figure eight. When she tried to shoo it away it darted under the car, delaying their trip by a full five minutes. It would have been much longer if she hadn't remembered the umbrella in the back of the car. Shay was impatiently hitting her tiara against the window when Erin finally got in the car.

"Daddy" Shay whined when the car finally started to move.

"We're on our way" Erin assured, turning on the radio to distract Shay as they made the quick journey to the firehouse. Erin and Shay were always made welcome as members of the 51 family, more so when a container of food was visible.

"How are my lovely ladies this morning?" Kelly asked as Shay ran at him, Erin opened the container and placed it on the kitchen bench, stepping back as everyone rushed to sample the contents.

"Excellent" Erin replied watching him lift Shay onto the table.

"Really? Are you feeling okay?" Kelly questioned, raising his eyebrows. Erin didn't want to bring up the fact that she'd caught whatever Terry had, and didn't think it was visibly obvious, so she wasn't sure what he was getting at.

"Yeah...why?" She requested.

"I don't think I've ever seen you wear pink before" He explained.

"Sure you have" She defended, then realised it was quite possible he was right. The shirt had only resurfaced after she'd searched for a different one a few days earlier, having been buried at the bottom of a drawer for as long as she could remember. "Does it matter though?"

"Of course not! You look great in anything" He smiled, appreciating the way it clung to her figure. "Or nothing" He added in a whisper as he stepped past her to get a cookie before they were all gone. Her cheeks flushed at the thought.

"You can't do that to me" She hissed upon his return.

"I'm sorry" He winked only increasing her frustration.

"It's not fair when you're working all weekend" She complained, taking a seat on his lap the moment he sat down. After looking around to check on Shay, happily feeding a cookie to Pouch, she kissed his cheek.

"Well it's not fair that you're going to make me fat" He rebutted, thoroughly enjoying the choc, peanut and strawberry creation. They were almost as good as his banana, peanut butter and chocolate treats, something he hadn't had a chance to make for weeks.

"Ha! I'm getting fat so it's absolutely fair to make you suffer along with me" She replied.

"You are not getting fat!" He argued, kissing the skin below her ear as he ran his hand over the baby bump.

"I am" Erin answered challengingly, giving him ample opportunity to protest further, instead he remained silent. "And I like it" She added, giving in to the smile she'd been trying to hide. Her hand joined his, guided it in large, lazy circles over her stomach.

"Why did I have to work a double?" He questioned with a groan.

"I'm guessing because you didn't think about what you were going to say" She suggested.

"Yeah" He said, defeated. "We could sneak into my office real quick" He breathed into her ear, causing a laugh to escape her lips. She gave him a brief look with raised eyebrows then settled back against him, thinking about the proposition. Shay was preoccupied by Pouch, Cruz and Brett and wouldn't even notice if they were quick enough.

"I don't want you to get sick" She sighed after seriously considering it for a few moments.

"Sick?" He questioned.

"I picked up whatever Terry had, it's not too bad though" Erin explained softly.

"I'd be happy to catch it" He assured, moving his hand lower, fingers grazing the skin beneath the waistband of her pants.

"Don't be silly, it's only two days. We'll survive" She encouraged, kissing his cheek again before getting up. After a quick trip to the bathroom Erin guided Shay through a very drawn out goodbye and packed her into the car, not sure what to do for the rest of the day. There were always princess movies to fall back on if she couldn't think of something.

"Noooo!" Shay screamed when they stopped at a red light on the way home.

"What?" Erin asked, thankful for the red light so she could turn and look.

"Daddy" Shay explained waving her drawing through the air furiously.

"Ooops" Erin sighed, flicking on her indicator so they could go back to deliver the drawing. It was a very quick visit, cut off by a call to action for everyone at the firehouse. Erin and Shay watched in awe as the place emptied in seconds, everyone eager to get out and do their jobs. Luckily Kelly had had enough time to praise Shay and thank her for the picture. Even going to the effort of finding sticky tape so he could hang it on the wall, visible from his chair at the end of the squad table. "What do you want to do now?" Erin asked as she led Shay back to the car.

"Ummm..." Shay pondered. "Fairy grarden" She declared after putting considerable thought into the matter.

"But we went to the fairy garden yesterday" Erin tried to explain, starting to regret asking for a suggestion. The 'Fairy Garden' was actually just the garden in the courtyard out the front of the library, carefully looked after so that there were flowers in bloom whenever there wasn't snow. Small fairy ornaments were hidden amongst the flowers causing Shay great delight.

"Again" Shay requested. Erin thought about it as she drove, really not wanting to make the trip into the city, she just had to think of something better to substitute it with. They seemed to get every red light on the way, looking around at the last intersection gave Erin an idea.

"Why don't we make a fairy garden?" She suggested hopefully.

"Fairy princess" Shay giggled seeming happy to do anything as long as flowers or fairies were involved. Erin drove past their turn off and continued to the nearest hardware store with a garden section. The spot she had in mind was the garden bed beside their front stairs. It had been empty since they'd moved in, soil too poor to even grow weeds.

"Morning ma'am how can I help you?" A cheerful teen asked as he spotted the confused look on her face, maybe the idea was a little over ambitious.

"I want to grow some flowers but I have no idea what that actually requires" Erin answered honestly, Shay was singing loudly about flower petals and butterflies but the hardware store employee didn't seem to mind.

"Do you have a garden bed or are you looking for something potted?" He questioned.

"I have a garden bed but I don't think it's fit for growing things, the soil's not very good" She replied, thankful for the assistance.

"How big is it?" Was his next question.

"Um...about that big" She supplied, pointing to a large raised garden bed they had on display for cultivating vegetables.

"Alright. In that case I suggest you buy a few bags of a compost blend, mix it with the soil you have and then you should be good to plant some flowers. Seedlings or established plants are your best bet at this time of year, daily watering and a sprinkle of fertilizer should see them through until it starts snowing" He suggested helpfully.

"Okay, so what do I need to do that?" Erin asked as she pushed her empty trolley towards him. He took it gladly and led her over to the bags of soil and compost, discussing the merits of each variety before making a recommendation. She was hardly in a position to suggest an alternative so she nodded as he slung three bags of compost into the trolley.

"Do you want the seedlings today as well?" He asked.

"Yeah" She nodded though she had a feeling that mixing the compost through the soil would be enough of a job for one day.

"What type of flowers are you looking for?" The teen asked as he narrowly avoided colliding with a display.

"Are you familiar with the garden near the city library?" She asked, knowing it was a long shot.

"Umm...Petunias?" He questioned uncertainly.

"Sure" She nodded as he moved on to a different section. After much consideration she chose established plants instead of seedlings, they looked harder to kill and already had flowers. Jason, as finally introduced himself, agreed that it was a wise choice and added a tub of fertilizer pellets to her trolley before escorting her through the checkout and helping her put her purchases in the car.

"Good luck" Jason farewelled once everything was loaded into the car.

"Thanks" Erin replied as he walked away, she had a feeling she was going to need all the luck she could get. The first difficulty was getting the bags of compost across the yard to the garden bed, each one weighing twice as much as Shay. Erin knew Kelly would have a fit if he knew but she got the job done before heading inside for lunch, leaving the plants in the shade. Their salad wraps were accompanied by an assortment of fruit, then after some quiet play it was time for Shay's nap. Erin pulled on one of Kelly's long sleeved shirts and headed out to the garden shed, finding the necessary tools for the job. She started by loosening the soil then added the compost and mixed it through to the best of her ability, it was much more of a workout than she'd expected. Sweaty and exhausted she sat on the kitchen floor drinking cold water from the fridge until she heard Shay calling from upstairs. A princess movie and five rounds of hide and seek later Erin decided they had to finish the job. Shay turned out to be great at wiggling the plants from their pots, loving the loose soil that fell into her lap each time. Erin had read the tags on the pots and followed the planting instructions so they were at the right depth and spaced evenly. Jason's estimate had been spot on with just enough space for the dozen plants.

"Fairy flower flutterby, petal petal, leaf dirt!" Shay sang as she worked, making Erin smile as she bent to pack the soil in around the plant. It took Shay a little while to get each plant out, tipping the pot upside down and wiggling gently until it fell, only occasionally requiring her mother's assistance. Then all Erin had to do was put the plant into one of the holes, carefully arranging the colours in stripes. Pink followed by yellow, purple and red. It didn't take more than half an hour to get all the plants into the ground. She started to wonder what Kelly would think when he saw their hard work.

Erin should have noticed when Shay stopped singing but she was too focused on reading the fertilizer label, now determined to keep the plants alive. Bored of the flowers Shay wandered around the front yard, spotting a butterfly and then a bee to chase. As the bee disappeared into the sky she looked, noticing something even better, the black ball of fur walking confidently along the footpath. As she approached, far from stealthily, it ventured onto the road. Shay looked over her shoulder at her mother, still busy trying to work out the right amount of fertilizer, then turned back to the cat. The sound of tyres squealing as brakes were slammed on drew Erin's attention for a millisecond, she didn't think anything of it until she heard the accompanying thud.

**To Be Continued...**

**I'm sorry. **


	86. Chapter 86

**Take a deep breath..!**

"Shay!" Erin called, or at least tried to, all that came out was a garbled scramble of letters mixed with sheer panic. Her eyes searched the garden but she was already moving towards the street, small stumbling steps becoming lengthy strides as she made it to the edge of the road. Finally able to see the vehicle responsible for the noises, a white sedan. It was stopped a little way down the street, out the front of their neighbours house. "Shay" She yelled as she started to run towards the car, bright red brake lights fading as she reached the halfway point. She expected that this meant the driver would turn off the car and get out but instead the car continued to run. After a few seconds it started to move, reversing a small distance before it swerved onto the other side of the road and sped off. Erin didn't know she was capable of such all-consuming hatred but as the white car disappeared into the distance she tried to divert her energy back to what remained. The small battered and bloodied shape the car left in it's wake. She didn't get the chance to look at it properly before her attention was demanded elsewhere.

"Meow" Came a small voice, a voice she would recognise anywhere. Erin just about collapsed with relief to see Shay unhurt. Standing between two cars that were parked along the side of the road, eyes fixed on the cat the car had struck.

"Shay" Erin cried, tears that had been blurring her vision now streamed down her face. Erin altered her course and rushed towards Shay, nothing else in the world mattered as long as her baby was safe. But Shay had other intentions, stepping out onto the road before crossing to the black tangle of fur and limbs.

"Cat" Shay pointed as she got closer. "Mama cat" she called, her small arm moving in an exaggerated pointing motion as she neared the animal, writhing and screeching horribly in the middle of the road.

"Shay stop" Erin instructed firmly, Shay did as she was told but was already close enough to bend and reach out to the animal. "No Shay" She added as the little arm stretched out to touch the cat. It had fallen silent but was still squirming wildly as it tried to pull itself up. Erin knew it wouldn't understand that Shay didn't mean any harm, likely to bite or scratch her if she got too close. She reached them just in time, stopping to look up and down the road for traffic before bending to pick Shay up. She was small and fast enough to evade her mother's hands crouching lower to lay her hand on the cat's head. It stopped moving instantly, large yellow eyes staring unblinkingly at her as it relaxed back to the ground. Erin was certain it was dead. For the second time that day the cat had gone under a car, only this time it hadn't been stationary. She didn't feel anything for the animal, all she desired was to have Shay safely in her arms.

"Mama no!" Shay screamed as her mother lifted her from the ground. She gave a pained scream as she tried to resist, fighting more fiercely than ever before in her desperation to get back to the ground. Her wild kicking and flailing not only hurt her mother but posed a threat to the baby so Erin was forced to release her. Grabbing a small wrist as she lowered Shay to the ground, holding it firmly to keep her close before taking a moment to check again for traffic. Shay swung from her mothers grip to land on the ground, hand immediately returning to the top of the cats head, stroking it gently. Erin didn't know what to do, so she stood looking around hopefully, certain that someone else must have heard the disturbance and would render some form of assistance. Mr Lawless from up the street had been watering his front garden but was now no where to be seen, the entire street suddenly deserted. Things only got more difficult for her when the cat moved, letting out a small gasp as it did so. It wasn't dead. Yet. But it was suffering. "Mamaaa" Shay started to cry as the cat struggled to breathe.

"It's okay" Erin assured, looking around one last time before crouching down to better assess the cat's injuries. It's back left leg was visibly broken, the skin along its side torn and bleeding, and the way it was struggling to breathe all indicated it was dying, slowly and painfully. Despite her best efforts Erin couldn't help but feel compassion, deciding in an instant that she had to do something for the animal. A mercy killing seemed the best course of action but she wasn't equipped, instead she pulled off her shirt and carefully wrapped the cat in it. Then she collected Shay with an arm around her middle and carried them both back home, depositing Shay on the bonnet of the car before she raced up the stairs for the keys. She placed the cat on the passenger seat then buckled Shay in before driving to the nearest vet. The staff at the veterinary surgery moved almost as quickly as Erin had to get to Shay, trying to save the cat's life. Erin was left standing in the waiting room, trying to process everything that had happened as Shay cried into her shoulder. It hadn't even been ten minutes but it felt like a lifetime.

"Ma'am?" The lady at the desk asked, Erin had the feeling it wasn't the first time she'd spoken so she made eye contact giving a small smile and nod of acknowledgment in place of an apology. "What's the cats name?"

"I don't know. It's not mine" Erin answered flatly, not sure why the information was even relevant.

"Did you hit it...by accident?" The lady questioned gently.

"No, I just saw it" She tried to explain, stepping forward to lean against the desk.

"Oh...I've got to go talk to the vet" The lady informed before urgently exiting the room, she returned with the tall spiky haired vet a moment later.

"Hi" The vet greeted as he approached. "The cat isn't yours?" He asked immediately.

"No, it's a stray in our neighbourhood" Erin replied, trying to focus on the vet. Holding Shay wasn't enough to take her mind off how close it had been. The cat situation didn't seem very important in comparison.

"She's pretty badly hurt" He explained.

"Yeah" Erin nodded, not sure what he was trying to say.

"Are you willing to pay for the surgery she requires?" He questioned hesitantly, it was clear he wanted the cat to live, he just needed her permission.

"I don't know" She managed, it was just a stray.

"Otherwise we'll have to put her to sleep" The vet said softly, visibly saddened by the thought.

"Mama" Shay pleaded softly. Erin knew she didn't understand the conversation but the timing made it seem as if she did.

"How much will it cost?" Erin enquired, trying to work out what she would do with the information. She didn't value the creature's life at all, it meant nothing to her, or at least that was what she told herself.

"Well her back leg is broken and might need to be amputated, her pelvis is broken in a few places, she has a collapsed lung and some internal bleeding too..." He listed, trying to justify the price he was about to give.

"How much?" She demanded, cutting him off.

"I'll keep it under two thousand dollars" He guaranteed, she could tell that he didn't want to get his hopes up. She understood why, it was a lot of money to spend on a stray. Even though it was a time sensitive decision Erin took a moment to think about it.

"If you do the surgery will it survive? Will it recover fully?" She asked genuinely concerned that the cat would die even if she spent the money.

"Assuming there are no complications" The vet informed, he couldn't say it would survive but the encouraging smile he gave made her think the chances were reasonable.

"It's not even my cat" She reminded as she continued to think.

"I understand, it's your call" He said, making sure she knew he wouldn't judge her either way.

"I don't know" Erin muttered, the three words occupied her thoughts instead of a logical weighing up of options, saying them aloud helped. It was a lot of money whichever way she looked at it. She tried to justify saying no, Shay probably wouldn't remember it in a few weeks time but she could already feel the guilt that would accompany that decision. "Alright" She decided. "Please save it. I'll pay, just do whatever you have to."

"Thank you, we'll call you when the surgery is over. She'll need to stay here for a few days at least" He grinned, walking backwards towards the doors as he spoke. Erin nodded until she forgot what she was agreeing with, still feeling numb.

"If you could fill in your details" The lady behind the desk requested, sliding a form across the shiny white surface before placing a pen on it.

"Sure" Erin answered, hoping she had made the right decision. Once she'd filled it out she stumbled out into the dim evening light, the cold breeze waking her a little as she walked to the poorly parked car. Shay didn't want to let go of her mother and started to cry when the car door was shut after she was placed in her car seat. "It's okay, the cat is going to be okay. And you're okay. I love you. You scared me but we're okay, we're all okay" Erin tried to soothe as she put on her own seat belt. Taking a moment for some deep calming breaths before she started the car. Shay continued to cry, only stopping when Erin reached her left hand back and held her small foot. Erin seriously considered driving to the firehouse, changing her mind when she thought about how hard it was going to be to explain.

"Mama!" Shay sobbed as her foot was released, the car now parked in their driveway. The momen she was free of the car seat she clung to her mother like a baby monkey, keeping quiet as they climbed the front stairs. The front door wasn't even locked so they moved straight through to the lounge room to lie down on the couch.. It was time to prepare dinner but Erin didn't care, holding Shay was more important. She had no way of knowing how long it took to emerge from the underwater like haze that had struck her. As it grew darker she finally started to feel like herself again and pushed herself up, rousing Shay who had been half asleep. Erin dragged herself to the kitchen and reheated food from the freezer with one hand, the other holding Shay. They both refused to let go of each other so Shay sat on her lap to eat, though neither of them felt at all hungry.

"One more bite" Erin enthused, though she'd said that for the last three forkfuls of food.

"No" Shay argued but took the plastic fork anyway, slowly moving it towards her mouth. Once the food was in her mouth Shay threw the fork across the room, determined not to eat anymore.

"Okay" Erin shrugged, leaving the half eaten meal on the table as she took Shay upstairs. She chose soft, purple footed pajamas for Shay, they looked just like the ones she had worn as a tiny baby. Then she discarded her pants and climbed into Shay's bed. Ten minutes later, after pulling six random stuffed toys out from under herself she changed her mind, taking Shay and Roary down the hall. She arranged the pillows so that hers formed a barrier on the far side of the bed while she lay on Kelly's, the smell alone making her feel safer. Shay was asleep in a matter of minutes, snuggled up close with a fistful of her mother's pink shirt in her mouth and Roary sandwiched between them. Erin didn't want to think about it, she didn't want to feel the accompanying emotions so she watched Shay's chest rise and fall. It was quite hypnotic but she couldn't bring herself to sleep quite yet, carefully wriggling out of Shay's hold to sit up. Without taking her eyes off Shay she located her phone on the bedside table.

"Hey beautiful!" Kelly answered, it sounded loud to Erin because she'd been in complete silence since Shay had fallen asleep.

"Hey" She replied, trying to sound upbeat.

"What did you do today?" He asked, it was a simple question. Erin could feel the tears welling up as she tried to think of a suitable response. She wanted to tell him everything but feared he would be as angry as she was at herself about letting Shay out of her sight.

"Stuff" She answered in a small squeak, wishing she had better control over herself, thankful for the fact he couldn't see her.

"Are you okay? Is everything alright?" He questioned, sensing something was wrong.

"Yeah" She sniffled pathetically. Tempted to hang up, compose herself and call again in a few minutes.

"What's going on?" He demanded.

"I just...we just had an awful afternoon...I'm sorry" Erin tried to explain.

"What happened?" He enquired gently, she might not want to talk about it but he had to know what was making her cry. Erin slid back down to lie flat then and rested a hand on Shay's chest before answering.

"We were out the front, Shay was chasing butterflies but I wasn't really watching her. I don't know exactly what happened but she must have seen the cat, the black one that hangs around. She followed it up the road. I didn't realise she was gone until I heard a car hit something" She told him, conscious of his breath catching as she paused for a second. "Shay's fine and I took the cat to the vet but..."

"But nothing. Everything worked out" He defended straight away.

"But she could have been killed!" Erin argued, loud enough that Shay stirred, moving her hand closer to her face. For the first time Erin noticed the purple bruise around Shay's wrist, distracting her from hearing what he said next.

"But she wasn't" He said firmly, it wasn't something he wanted to think about. Ever.

"I should have been watching her" Erin added weakly tears dripping to the pillow as she touched a finger to the discoloured skin, guilt overwhelming her system.

"Will you ever take your eyes off her out the front again?" He asked, sounding harsher than he intended.

"No" She snapped hand retreating from the small sleeping form to wipe away the tears. The car hadn't hurt Shay, nor had the cat but she had.

"That's what matters, it was just a close call. A warning" He explained.

"I shouldn't have let it happen at all" She argued, unable to forgive herself. She'd come to the conclusion that he just didn't understand, surely if he'd been there he would be angry with her. If he could see what she'd done to their precious little girl.

"It's done babe, you can't change it. Everything turned out alright" He reiterated gently.

"But..." She started, arguing was second nature, the easiest thing to do in times of stress.

"Just try to get to sleep, it'll all be better in the morning" He reassured her before she could argue any further.

"I wish you were here" She grumbled after a moment of silence. 

"I know. Just sleep" He whispered softly, she had no idea that his keys were in his hand. And had been from the moment she'd spoken, he was ready to leave but quickly realised his presence wouldn't help. She'd had a bit of a shock and all she needed was a good nights sleep.

"She has beautiful eyelashes" Erin smiled, ignoring him as the opportunity to marvel at their daughter arose.

"Everything about her is beautiful" He agreed, wondering which bed they were in.

"And her ears are perfect" She continued.

"She's perfect and so are you" Kelly replied, staring at the photo on his desk. Wondering how it was possible to miss her so much, if she wasn't so distressed he probably wouldn't, they'd seen each other earlier that day.

"Hardly" Erin snorted, catching herself before she laughed out loud.

"Stop staring at her, turn the light off and sleep" He instructed forcefully.

"Can't you come home? Just for a little bit" She pleaded.

"I could but I'm not going to. You're okay and she's okay"

"But I love you" She whined.

"I love you too, now sleep!" He said, words followed by silence then the beep of the line disconnecting. Erin swore under her breath then dropped her phone to the bedside table, flicking off the light since her hand was already there. Rolling onto her side she pulled Shay close and closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep.

**Not so bad after all? Can you forgive me?**


	87. Chapter 87

A bright new day, full of potential. The bruise remained but the guilt had lessened considerably. Erin still didn't let Shay out of arms reach, deciding on a lazy Sunday morning in bed. Shay didn't protest, happy to stay where it was safe and warm. They hid under the covers and talked, laughed, played peek-a-boo and hide and seek forgetting the outside world completely for a few hours. That was until the outside world started knocking on their door, demanding to come in.

"I thought you'd be up by now" Hank commented when she let him in finally. She'd originally assumed it was someone from a religious organisation or charity. It wasn't until he'd called out that he knew she was home that she got out of bed.

"It's Sunday" She defended, pulling her dressing gown tighter around herself, something that was made more difficult by the fact she was sharing the garment with Shay.

"You were never a morning person but it's after ten" He added, shaking his head a little.

"Hmm" Erin nodded, she'd lost track of time again, busy contemplating the fact that her phone had remained silent all night and all morning. She was expecting a call from the vet and Kelly would usually have checked in by now as well. "Sorry, do you want coffee or something?" She asked, concluding that he would get around to explaining his impromptu visit when he was ready.

"I'm good. I just wanted to stop by and check in with you. And Shay left these at my place the other night" Hank explained, producing the two yellow hair bows she'd been dropped off wearing. Erin hadn't even bothered to ask for them, Shay lost half a dozen a week but it wasn't a major concern. Leah had given shared information about a warehouse that sold them in bulk.

"Thanks, it was time to get out of bed anyway" She smiled, putting the bows to immediate use, much to Shay's frustration. Hank followed as Erin moved through to the kitchen making Shay a bowl of cereal as they talked. While he had missed her since the day she'd stopped working the realisation that she might not come back at all had struck him overnight, requiring an urgent conversation for clarification. "I'm definitely coming back, the day this one is six months old I'll be back behind my desk" Erin assured stopping to point to her belly before continuing to feed Shay. The toddler was still comfortable on her mother's hip, soft dressing gown acting as a blanket to keep her warm, and partially hidden from view.

"I'll hold you to that" He assured with his usual gruff nod and a stern look.

"How's Burgess?" Erin enquired, it was the easiest way to generate conversation about the intelligence unit.

"Getting better" He shrugged.

"Did something happen?" She probed, detective instincts compelling her to find out more.

"She's nothing like you, blew an undercover job because she wouldn't kiss the guy we were after. I think it's because of Ruzek. I don't know why I thought it could work with them both in the unit" He complained accepting the mug of coffee she offered even though he'd turned down the offer. Erin would do anything to fill the kitchen with the aroma she missed as much as she missed intelligence.

"We'll I'll be back in less than a year, then you can boot her" She suggested, taking a spoonful of Shay's cereal for herself.

"I might trade her before then. I could get her something in homicide" He replied thoughtfully.

"She's a person with feelings" Erin reminded, frustrated that he was treating Kim as a belonging but also paranoid that he might find a better replacement and not need her back.

"You never let that get in the way" He grumbled. That might have been true of the old Erin, these days feelings definitely clouded her judgment. The cat was a prime example.

"Just give her a chance" She requested carefully, meeting his gaze with an expectant look.

"How many busts can one person screw up? Three strikes and you're out as far as I'm concerned. So yes I'll give her a chance. One more chance" He growled passionately. Erin totally understood where he was coming from, a failed bust was downright painful. Not only was it a waste of valuable time but it made any future attempts ten times harder. She found herself running through the short list of failed attempts she'd been involved in, drawn back to reality by Shay demanding more cereal. Erin hated cereal but without even noticing she'd emptied the bowl. She poured out a second helping, this time letting Shay eat until she was full before finishing off the remnants, guiding the conversation away from work.

"You know I don't have a life outside of work" He explained when she asked him what else he had going on in his life.

"I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt to go out and do something. Meet up with some old friends for dinner..." She suggested hopefully.

"I don't have friends" He sustained.

"Yes you do" Erin argued, trying to think of people to suggest, unfortunately her knowledge of his social life was considerably dated.

"I read the book you got me, not bad" Hank smiled, changing the subject to the one thing he did do in his limited free time.

"I hoped you'd like it" She said, it wasn't a great birthday present but she hadn't been able to think of anything better at the time. It was at least topical, the biography of an ex-undercover cop who had worked in narcotics and gangs, at one point staying undercover for three years without seeing his wife and kids. "That's perfect!" She announced triumphantly at the epiphany she'd just had. "You could write a book!"

"Nobody wants to read about me" He laughed, instantly dismissive of the idea.

"Sure they would" She assured.

"Well I don't want to. Where would I even start?" Hank asked still convinced she was being silly.

"The day your dad was killed?" She suggested, the lighthearted conversation suddenly taking a serious turn.

"Erin" He warned, eyes dark and dangerous.

"Sorry" She mumbled, regretting overstepping the line.

"Seen your mum lately?" He questioned to even the playing field.

"I've got Russ' number, you should catch up with him" She answered after giving him a questioning look, challenging his childish need for revenge.

"I'm good" He replied instantly tensing at the other man's name.

"Why? What happened?" She demanded.

"We had a disagreement" He shrugged.

"About?" She questioned.

"His nephew"

"Chase?"

"You know him?" Hank asked, obviously surprised.

"He's on Kelly's squad" She explained.

"Oh...tell him to be careful" He cautioned, his relationship with his son-in-law had changed dramatically over the years. The first time he'd seen Kelly with Erin he'd been worried, the Severide reputation was well known. Everything had changed when he'd found out Erin was carrying his child, suddenly there was the potential for the charming fireman to become a permanent feature in their lives. Now would do anything to keep the young man around, he made Erin so happy.

"What? Why?" She questioned. "Hank why?" She demanded firmly when he didn't speak.

"How are you today Miss Shay?" Hank asked Shay, completely ignoring the question.

"Princess" Shay corrected.

"Sorry your highness, Princess Shay" He amended with an apologetic bow.

"Hank" Erin snapped when he straightened.

"Forget I said anything, he must have changed or he'd never have made it to squad" He provided, it wasn't much but it was the only answer he was going to give.

"Changed?" She questioned.

"I'd better get going. It was nice to see you" Hank smiled pleasantly as he turned and made his way towards the front door. The conversation ended so abruptly that it took her a moment to follow, desperate for more information. He moved far to quickly and was getting in his car by the time she reached the front door. She closed it and locked it as she realised she'd have to find out another way. The most obvious thing to do was to call Russ so she made her way up the stairs and picked up her phone, useless with an empty battery.

"Shower?" Erin asked Shay once the phone was plugged in, a look of confusion had her rephrase the question. "Waterfall?"

"Yes Mama yes!" Shay answered. It was a rare treat for her, ten times better than a bath. After a quick trip to the other bathroom for Shay's towel they were peeling off clothes and stepping into the warm stream of water. Shay giggled and squealed, splashing around joyously as Erin washed herself. Once they were both clean and smelling of vanilla Erin wrapped Shay in a towel.

"Dry your toes" Erin instructed, smiling as Shay struggled to perform the task, little hands forcing the fluffy towel between her tiny toes.

"Dry Mama" Shay called when she was finished. It had taken her long enough that Erin was fully dressed and had an outfit picked out for Shay as well.

"Good job" Erin praised, taking the towel to give her a final rub down before dressing her for the day. Shay jumped on the bed while Erin looked over the list of missed calls, deciding the best order to return them in. She started with the vet and was pleased to hear the cat was doing well, and would be fit for release on Wednesday morning. It was the first time she stopped to think about what that meant, she didn't want a cat, especially not a three legged stray. The next phone call was to Kelly, he was particularly smug as she told him about their peaceful morning. The result of a good nights sleep. He was looking forward to coming home and sleeping in his own bed while she was more interested in finding out what he wanted for dinner, deciding not to bring up Hank's warning until she knew more. She desperately wanted know what the deal with Chase was but wasn't sure how to bring up the topic in a conversation with Russ, especially not over the phone on a Sunday morning. There was something else she had to do so it wasn't hard to distract herself, conducting a quick search online before getting back on the phone to arrange the installation of a front fence. The third company she called were open on Sundays and agreed to stop by for measurements and a quote at two. Until then they were free to resume their games, hide and seek turned into a chance to tickle Shay.

"Stop!" Shay managed at last, laughing as her mother's hands crept like spiders down her back then across the bed, falling still at her sides. Shay straightened herself, standing up to bounce a few times before crawling onto Erin's lap. She placed her two small hands on the unfamiliar rise of her mother's stomach, it had been a gradual change but she was still curious.

"That's our baby" Erin informed, resting one hand over both of Shay's.

"Baby?" Shay asked, grinning at the use of her old title.

"You're my big baby and this is our little baby" She tried to explain pointing as she did so.

"Big" Shay nodded as she pointed to herself.

"And little" Erin finished pointing to her belly. Shay looked confused for moment then stood up, climbing off the bed before walking to the door. Erin wasn't sure what that meant, she might be disgusted by the notion or going to get something from her room, there was no way of knowing.

"Mama food!" She called over her shoulder as she continued her journey, stopping to wait patiently at the top of the stairs. Erin wasn't sure that they'd made any progress but had to laugh at the way Shay always seemed to have food at the back of her mind. Downstairs they ate a combination of morning tea and lunch. Erin knew Shay was missing her daddy when she chose Blaze to watch while she had a rest, not yet tired enough for a nap. The fencing man arrived half an hour into the movie so they went outside to speak with him, Erin kept Shay on her hip the entire time. Shay didn't mind, resting her head on her mother's shoulder for a sleep.

"With the style of the house I'd recommend something like this" the man suggested, holding up the catalogue so Erin could see the picture.

"A white picket fence?" She laughed, finding it hard to think of herself as the type of person with the house and family that style of fence suited.

"Something more modern?" He questioned failing to understand how it was funny. He flicked forwards a few pages until Erin stopped him, particularly keen on a fence that looked wooden but was actually metal.

"I like that one" She pointed out.

"What type of gate would you want?" He asked, the clueless look on her face prompted him to list the options. "Traditional bifold, sliding, electric?"

"Electric" She nodded, thinking about it rather than committing.

"They're not that much more expensive, especially the solar powered variety" He encouraged.

"How do they work?" She asked.

"There are two types. The first type you have a small remote, similar to the one you use to unlock your car, which you press for it to open or close. Alternatively you get the sort where you just fit a sensor in your car, when it's in range the gate opens automatically" The man explained, opening a different catalogue to show her a diagram.

"That's awesome but I don't know" She shrugged, it wasn't really what she'd had in mind.

"You'll want to discuss it with your husband" He nodded understandingly.

"No" She defended though he hadn't meant anything by it. "I'll have that fence and I want a cool electric gate, whichever type is cheaper and I'd like it by the end of the week if that's possible" She requested, hating the idea of deferring to Kelly for a decision.

"Oh...um certainly" The man accepted, scribbling down the details alongside the measurements he had made.

"This week?" She checked.

"I think we could do it on Wednesday" He suggested, pulling out his phone to check the calendar. Erin watched over his shoulder as he scrolled to the correct date. It was the first time she'd paid any attention to the date, the realisation that Kelly's birthday was now only one weekend away caused momentary panic. She was supposed to be organising him a birthday party but she hadn't even thought about it, let alone done anything. "Yeah, Wednesday is free"

"Great, thanks" She smiled, accepting the hand he extended, still stuck on what to do about Kelly's birthday.

"I guess I'll see you then" The man finished as he stuffed the catalogue and other papers into a plastic folder. Erin agreed and gave a small wave before heading back inside, spending the rest of the movie thinking about the venue and theme of Kelly's party.

"Look Mama Sooty!" Shay pointed as the credits rolled, the various animals dancing across the screen between the text. Sooty was a small black cat with massive, yellow, animated eyes.

"Yep" Erin nodded distractedly not even bothering to look up from her phone, still searching for inspiration.

"Slide, slide, STOP" Shay sang, having discovered the remote. She'd used it to change the channel to a hockey game, jumping off the couch to replicate the sliding motions she used when her daddy took her skating. She would have repeated the phrase a dozen times before Erin finally noticed, struck by the perfect idea for Kelly's birthday party.

"Shay you are a genius" She exclaimed as she rushed to the kitchen for the skating rink's phone number. Conveniently located on a magnet on their fridge along with the opening hours. They weren't open on Sunday's but she tried to call anyway, leaving an inquiry on the answering machine. She left the phone on the bench, checking in on Shay before making her way upstairs to use the bathroom. She was on her way back down when she heard Shay talking, not softly to herself like usual but half of a proper conversation. "Shay?" Erin asked as she stepped into the room, finding the toddler standing on the couch with the phone pressed to the side of her face. "Who are you talking to?" She added as she approached, not sure how best to manage the situation.

"Mama Daddy" Shay said surrendering the phone.

"Hello?" Erin questioned.

"Hey. How'd she get your phone?" Kelly asked in response.

"I don't actually know" She answered, running a hand through her hair before taking a seat on the arm of the couch.

"Well I'm glad she did" He assured.

"What did she say?" Erin wondered, he sounded quite pleased so it was probably something to do with Blaze.

"She was telling me about snuggle-cuddles and tickles with Mama and the little baby" He informed, grinning broadly.

"Really?" She demanded, shocked that Shay had remembered the brief conversation.

"Yeah, what did you tell her?" Kelly asked, glad that Shay was starting to understand but sad to have missed it.

"Not much, she just put her hands on my belly so I told her that she was my big baby and it was my little baby" She explained.

"I love you. All three of you. The big you and the two miniature ones as well" He was compelled to remind.

"I love you, the miniature you jumping on the couch and the one I'm growing" Erin laughed. Shay really was her father's daughter and Erin had no doubt the new baby would be the perfect blend of them as well. "And I miss you" She added softly. He groaned. That couldn't be a good sign. "What?"

"Um...I'm really sorry babe" He started, prefacing it with an apology meant it had to be bad.

"What?" She repeated.

"Boden needs me to stay" He explained reluctantly.

"Another shift?!" She demanded disbelievingly.

"Yeah"

"No! Seventy-two hours straight, isn't that illegal? I'll look it up" She argued immediately, annoyed that Boden would even think to keep him working for three whole days.

"I'm really sorry" Kelly apologised.

"It's not your fault. Give me twenty minutes and I'll talk to Boden myself" Erin assured.

"I love you" He reasoned gently.

"You don't want me to yell at him?! Because I'm going to, I'll blame it on being pregnant!" She ranted already moving to put shoes on and find the keys.

"I love you" He said again, more softly this time.

"I need you" She whined, flopping back onto the couch melodramatically.

"It's just one more night" He consoled, fearful she'd started crying, she seemed to be all over the place.

"Fine but next time Shay's sick he's babysitting" She grumbled, not crying but definitely close.

"I'll tell him that shall I?" He joked trying to cheer her up a little.

"Yes do!" She agreed strongly.

"I'm sorry" He said after a long moment of silence, Shay was laughing in the background and all he wanted to see was her smile. In person rather than just in photos.

"We're going to watch Blaze without you" She threatened in a last ditch attempt.

"I'll be thinking of you the whole time" He promised.

"Think about what you're doing, if you get hurt I'll kill you. Be careful and stay safe" She requested, at least she had Shay. Without that cheeky grin, she would probably be halfway to the firehouse by now.

"I will, love you" He farewelled, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"I'd love you more if you were here" She complained miserably.

"Goodbye gorgeous" Kelly concluded.

"Bye" She grumbled, placing the phone on the coffee table before capturing Shay for a hug.

* * *

"I need you" Erin said the moment he answered the phone.

"It's two in the morning" Kelly complained, just because he was stuck at the firehouse didn't mean he was awake at such an ungodly hour.

"I need you" She repeated, sounding fully alert and awake.

"Go back to sleep" He instructed gently, wondering if he was imagining the seductive tone she was using.

"I can't. I need you now" She argued, he definitely wasn't imagining it.

"It's the middle of the night" He reminded, on the off chance she had somehow hadn't noticed that it was pitch black outside.

"Kelly I'm serious, I've tried to sleep but I can't. I need you to come home" She stated flatly.

"I can't, I'm working" He complained, he'd definitely much rather be at home with her.

"My body is on fire" She explained breathily, adding the deep throaty laugh she saved just for him.

"Erin?" He questioned.

"I am so serious right now" She replied running her free hand down her body.

"I'll see what I can do" He assured, already making his way through the bunks to rouse Capp.

"Twenty minutes" She provided.

"Then what?" He questioned curiously. He took the long beep of her hanging up as the starting point of her countdown. "Capp, I'm going out for a few minutes. I've got my radio" He explained, kicking the end of the bed insistently until Capp sat up.

"Whatever" Capp groaned before turning up the volume dial of the radio on his bedside table.

"I'll be back" Kelly added before moving back to his office for his jacket and keys. The drive home was incredibly fast, he didn't see another moving vehicle the whole time but it still felt like it was taking too long. He dropped his keys in his rush to get the door open, struggling to locate them in the dark. Then there was the matter of getting the right key, he cursed the fact he carried so many. He took of his jacket then stepped out of his boots creeping up the stairs, socks keeping the sound of his footsteps to a minimum. The faintest line of light along the floor at the end of the hall spurred him on.

"Hi" She breathed when he opened the door, just a crack at first in case she'd managed to fall asleep.

"Wow!" He gasped, grinning appreciatively as he got a proper look at her. The red lace he'd last seen on their honeymoon was back. She sat cross legged in the middle of the bed, arms crossed as well. Breasts bulging over the edge of the bra cups.

"Hurry up" She demanded, frustrated that he was just standing staring.

"Sorry" He murmured as he took off the radio, fumbling with it and dropping it twice before frustration overcame him and he threw it onto the bedside table. Then he tore of his clothes, shirt first then pants, leaving his black cotton boxers for later. Erin uncrossed her arms as he crawled onto the bed stopping when their faces were only inches apart. "Hi" He smiled, licking his lips as his eyes fell, watching her already heaving chest rise and fall.

"Hi" She greeted again, straightening her arm to push herself forward, she was desperate for his touch but didn't want him to know that. He exhaled slowly waiting for her to make the first move.

"Hi" He sighed after what seemed like forever, looking up to see what was causing the delay.

"Hi" She laughed before using both hands to grab his face, pulling him forward until his mouth reached hers. After a quick kiss he shifted backwards to sit comfortably, forcing her to pursue him if she wanted more. She didn't hesitate before following forcing him onto his back, no particularly bothered that his head hung over the edge of the bed. Abdominal and neck muscles tensing beneath her as he held his head up to kiss her. Moaning into his mouth as their tongues met and battled. Kelly groaned, relaxing his neck between kisses, trying and failing to unclasp the bra at the same time. "I need you" Erin whispered encouragingly, rolling her hips for emphasis.

"This is hardly easy" He complained as he brought himself up to claim her lips.

"But you're a big, strong fireman" She reasoned when he relaxed again, running her hands down his body, fingertips pressing against the ridges of muscle. Her hands paused at the edge of the black fabric for a second before starting to tug his boxers off. She rose up onto her knees so she could remove them more easily, he took the opportunity to move onto the bed, keeping the fabric in place and earning a groan of frustration. Before she could reposition herself to try again he grabbed her, pulling her forward until his mouth reached her breasts. She moaned loudly as he removed the bra tossing it across the room carelessly, gaining full access. It was less than a minute before she decided she couldn't take wait any longer. She took control then lost it the instant he sunk into her, digging her fingernails into his chest, as she climaxed. It was over before she had the chance to enjoy it, swearing as he laughed.

"That it? Should I go now?" He teased.

"What would you do if I said yes?" She threatened in response.

"This" He declared, hands gripping her hips as he started to move against her. A deep breath and a sigh later she put her thoughts aside and relaxed, refusing to hold back the gasps and moans. "I love this but you're going to wake Shay" He warned following a particularly loud exclamation of pleasure. She couldn't help it though, the concentration that would require was more than she was willing to sacrifice. "Don't. You. Dare" He grunted, punctuating each word with a thrust as she neared her second orgasm. They were both close but he had been at distinct disadvantage from the beginning, playing catch up after entering the equation when she was already fully aroused. He didn't care that the number of red crescents she'd created across his chest doubled, he had to increase the pace. She fell silent as the intensity of a near synchronous release tore them from reality.

"You can go now" She panted, rolling off of him.

"I don't half feel used" He groaned, not quite sure that she was joking.

"I could have called someone else" She teased, raising her eyebrows challengingly as she leaned over him.

"Sure" He sniggered while affectionately brushing her cheek with his thumb.

"I'm serious though, you can go" She concluded, pressing her lips to his for a second before she pulled away. Leaving his side to get in under the covers, seeking warmth as the sheen of sweat began to evaporate.

"I love you" He provided, the ultimate excuse to stay. He knew he had to go but that didn't stop him following her into bed. Nuzzling against her neck as she settled on her side.

"Get your stinky socks out of my bed" She complained the instant his foot brushed against her leg, he had completely forgotten how much she hated it. Before he could apologise she disappeared under the covers, on a quest to remove them. "Should have put it in my vows" She grumbled as she tossed his socks to the furthest corner of the room.

"I love you" Kelly repeated, it was one of the few times she hadn't immediately said it back.

"I love you too" She sighed, closing her eyes. He held her until he was sure she was asleep then slid out from behind her, gathering his clothes and the radio before flicking off the light. Moving carefully through the house and back to his car in the dark. Then there was the matter of getting back into the firehouse. The plan involved sneaking back into his room and vehemently denying anything Capp said in the morning, no one ever had to know that he'd left. Everything was going well until he saw that the lights were on, then he noticed the huddle around Capp's bunk.

"What's going on?" Kelly questioned when they stopped talking and turned to stare.

"Erin okay?" Capp questioned, he looked almost pained to ask.

"Yeah, just needed help...changing a light bulb" He improvised.

"Mate" Matt groaned as he got up and left the crowd for his office.

"Lieutenant" Otis nodded as he approached, reaching out to grab the radio Kelly had slung over his shoulder. "This shouldn't be on" He informed as he released the hold button, the red light he hadn't even noticed beforehand went off. It took Kelly a moment to comprehend what that meant, looking up his worst fear was realised. The looks on their faces told him they'd heard everything. He didn't know what to do other than retreat, ignoring the calls of 'big strong fireman' and 'stinky socks' as he slammed his office door. If this was his Monday morning he wasn't looking forward to the rest of the week.

**This is the longest chapter I've written in a really long time, I was tempted to cut it into two but I couldn't find the right place. At this point I'm not sure that I'll get the chance to update tomorrow, sorry in advance. **


	88. Chapter 88

Erin woke with two goals for the day. First she had to start organising the spectacular birthday party her husband deserved. He had asked for a party and she was going to make sure it was a day he wouldn't forget easily. The second thing she was determined to do was figure out exactly what was going on with Chase. It was the more difficult of the two so she needed time to think on it.

"Shay, time to get up" Erin whispered as she approached the sleeping toddler, she hated to wake her but if she didn't they'd never make it to yoga on time.

"Sleepy time" Shay mumbled as her mother lifted her up, kissing her forehead before letting her continue to rest on her shoulder. Giving Shay the chance to slowly wake up as they headed downstairs for breakfast. The magnet on the fridge motivated Erin so she left the half awake toddler on the couch, with the remote and a bowl of cereal on the coffee table. Since the moment the thought had entered Erin's mind she had known the ice skating rink was the perfect venue for the occasion. She simply couldn't wait for them to call her back, it would delay everything else and she was on a tight schedule after leaving it so late. There was no back up plan, something she made clear to the manager who answered the phone. As a skilled negotiator all she needed was enough time to balance what he wanted and what she was willing to give for it. Naming the right price was more difficult than she expected seeing as the first thing he said upon hearing her request was that it was impossible. They didn't do birthday parties and they weren't open to the public over the weekend. Saturday's were used for lessons, competitions and hockey games, and they weren't open at all on Sunday. She was ruthless and finally he agreed to make an exception to open on Sunday afternoon for the party. Once he'd conceded on one point she was able to convince him to extend the hours he put forward to almost all day, and add catering and skate hire to the deal, all without revising the price. She was hardly extorting him, having agreed to pay half as much as she owed the vet. The triumphant feeling was short lived.

"Oh dear" was all she could manage when she saw the mess Shay had made. Milk dripped off the coffee table and dribbled down the couch, chunks of sodden grains mixed among the liquid. The quantity was baffling considering half the cereal and milk remained in the bowl, joined by the remote control.

"Mama!" Shay squealed, slapping a hand onto the milky surface of the coffee table to make a splash.

"That's yucky Shay" Erin scolded gently as she made her way back to the kitchen for a cloth to wipe it up with. Shay was sucking on the remote when her mother returned, bursting into tears when it was confiscated.

"Mama" Shay growled angrily as the patterns she had made were wiped away.

"You made a mess" Erin explained.

"No"

"Yes, this is a mess and I'm cleaning it up" She elaborated.

"Why?" Shay asked, her default response when she didn't understand something.

"Because it's yucky. Can you take your shirt off?" Erin requested, regretting not phrasing it as an instruction the moment she said it.

"No"

"We're going to be late for yoga" Erin warned

"No Mama!" Shay cried recognising the tone as the one that withdrew privileges. Erin cleaned as much as she could then scooped Shay up, peeling off her clothes to put in the laundry. Then it was upstairs to get ready for yoga, driving to the park because they were already running late.

"You seem distracted" Sharron commented as they followed Gina's instructions.

"Party planning" Erin explained, out of breath from rushing across the park. Her mind was constantly working on all the things she still had to do. Invitations needed to be made and distributed as soon as possible. Then she had to work out decorations, a cake and presents. All without Kelly's knowledge.

"Shay?" Sharron asked.

"Kelly's first" Erin answered, realising she would be doing this all over again in a months time for Shay.

"What are you thinking of?" Sharron questioned as they shifted into the next position.

"I've booked the ice skating rink, he loves hockey and taking Shay to skate. I hope he likes it" She said, starting to doubt herself for a moment.

"I'm sure he will" Sharron enthused.

"I don't have invitations yet but I'd like you to come, you can bring Caity and Bryce" Erin smiled, at all of Shay's activities she'd tried to socialize with other parents. Sharron was the only person she'd found so far.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I think we made the step from yoga buddies to friends at morning tea last week" Erin reminded, thinking back to the conversation they'd had. Both disclosing sensitive personal information as they discussed how much they'd changed in the last ten years.

"Good point. We'll be there" Sharron accepted .

"Ooh! Any chance you want a three legged cat?" Erin questioned after a moment of concentration.

"What?!" Sharron laughed, unable to hold the pose as she tried to work out what had happened to their serious conversation.

"A cat got hit by a car on our street and I took it to the vet. I'm paying for the surgery and everything but I don't want to keep it" She explained.

"Doesn't it belong to someone?" Sharron questioned, finding the situation quite strange.

"No, it just wanders around the neighbourhood going wherever it pleases" Erin informed as she helped Shay roll over.

"Mmm...Well I don't want it but I can ask around and see if anyone I know does" Sharron offered.

"Thanks" Erin nodded, not sure that there was much else she could do. They focused on the yoga for the rest of the session then watched the girls play on the playground for a few minutes before going their separate ways. Since they had the car it was easy to get to the printing shop, choosing a very basic design that would be ready in an hour. The hour was spent placing an order for the birthday cake. She thought choosing a wedding cake had been difficult but at least there had been parameters, with a birthday cake she was free to choose any flavour, shape and decorations she liked. Given the theme of the party so far she worked with the baker to design a Chicago Blackhawks themed cake. Hunger, boredom and exhaustion had Shay in a terrible mood so after placing the order and picking up the invitations they made their way home. After lunch Shay had her nap while Erin realised she had the perfect excuse to visit Russ and bring up Chase. She didn't want to wake Shay twice in one day so she settled on her bed with the baby names book. Helping Kelly by going through and highlighting the names she liked.

"Mama" Shay mumbled as she entered the room, climbing onto the bed to snuggle up against her mother.

"Did you have a big sleep?" Erin asked, worried Shay would fall asleep again.

"Mhm" Shay nodded as she sat up, looking at the highlighter with interest.

"Ready to go out again?" Erin questioned.

"Daddy?" Shay asked hopefully.

"Maybe on the way back, we're going to visit Grandpa Russ first" Erin explained gently, setting the book down on the bedside table.

"Pa Russ" Shay agreed, it sounded a lot like the way she pronounced walrus.

"Let's go" Erin announced as she got up, lifting Shay with her.

"Baby" Shay smiled running her hand over her mother's belly as she was positioned on a hip.

"Yep, baby's coming too" She smiled. It had been strange going back to the academy pregnant but it was even stranger to take Shay, pointing out anything interesting or colourful as they walked along the corridors. They had to walk around the oval to avoid a class jogging in their awful navy tracksuits.

"Erin Lindsay?" A woman questioned from the shadows alongside an equipment shed.

"Ma'am! Hi!" Erin greeted quickly, realising she had no idea what the fitness instructors name was.

"Gosh!" She commented as she stepped into the light, definitely the same woman, just shorter and with more grey hair.

"Yeah" Erin nodded.

"Who's this?"

"This is my daughter Shay" Erin introduced quickly.

"Hello Shay" The woman greeted making eye contact with the wary toddler.

"No!" Shay decided after a moment.

"Say hello" Erin requested.

"Why?" Shay argued.

"Please" Erin asked, wondering why Shay was only difficult when they met important people.

"Thank you" Shay grinned.

"Sorry" Erin apologised as she turned her attention back to her former instructor.

"No not" Shay yelled.

"Shh" Erin instructed, Shay fell silent but didn't stop scowling.

"Looks like you have your hands full" The older woman commented.

"I wouldn't have it any other way" Erin assured.

"It's lovely to see you again, I have to get back but good luck with everything" She finished, as she moved back into the shade.

"Thanks" Erin nodded, she was talking about the baby but Erin felt like she could use the luck right about now. Russ was again leading a supplementary lesson, she recognised some of the faces though less than half of the original group remained. After the brief glance through the window she waited in the hall outside the classroom, humming to keep Shay quiet. Her plan to wait was interrupted when the class started to exit unexpectedly, moving in an orderly group outside. Russ spotted Erin as he followed them.

"Hey, what brings you here?" He questioned as he continued to walk.

"Needed to see you" She answered as she started to follow him, it was the only thing she could think to say. Useless and vague because she didn't want to go into too much detail too quickly.

"I'm just giving a demo run, you can do it if you want" He offered.

"But..." Erin instantly started.

"Don't use her as an excuse" Russ said, taking Shay from her.

"Thanks but I don't feel the need to show off, I know how good I am" She supplied hopefully.

"Can't argue with that" He shrugged.

"We'll stay here and watch" She smiled as she took Shay back, ignoring her protests.

"Try to keep them focused" Russ requested, pointing to his students who were already huddled in a circle gossiping loudly.

"I'll do my best" She agreed, moving to stand amongst them, her presence alone was enough to quiet them. It took Russ two minutes to complete the course, not knocking over a single cone. A minute later and the class was dismissed, running up the hill towards the main building.

"So what's up?" Russ asked once they were gone.

"I wanted to give you this" Erin explained as she produced an invitation.

"Mmm" He nodded as he looked it over.

"You don't have to actually skate, I'm not" She assured.

"You didn't have to bring me one, you could have called" He said, clearly suspicious about her intentions.

"I know" She nodded.

"But?" He questioned.

"But I want to know more about Chase. He's working with Kelly and I want to know he's up to the job" Erin confessed, there was no point wasting any more time.

"Who's suggesting he isn't?" Russ demanded immediately.

"Nobody it's just..." She started.

"Hank said something?" He fulled in with a frustrated shake of the head.

"Yeah"

"Look Erin I never asked about your past" He explained.

"Your life never depended on me" She argued, the circumstances were completely different.

"He's a good kid now" Russ assured.

"I'm happy to take your word for it as long as you can promise me he isn't a threat to my husband" Erin declared, though she wasn't sure she'd be able to let it go if there was any lingering doubt. Kelly's job was dangerous enough already, a weak link amongst the squad could cost them all.

"Chase got into drugs when he went away to college. He broke his girlfriend's jaw and assaulted a police officer one Friday night after party. Voight heard and gave me the info of a rehab center, but my sister and I decided we could handle it ourselves. We did and he's clean now, has been for almost two years" Russ explained carefully.

"Okay"

"I never asked you about your past but I know enough, if you could help him... He says he's fine but temptation is everywhere and I worry that all it's going to take is a bad day at work..." He added, clearly concerned for his nephew.

"I'll talk to him" She promised, though she wasn't sure it would do any good.

"Erin"

"Yeah" She nodded.

"You can tell Kelly but otherwise this stays between us" He requested firmly.

"Of course" She agreed adamantly.

"I'll come to the party" Russ replied, it took her a moment to remember what he was talking about.

"Okay, we'll see you then" Erin smiled, getting the distinct feeling the conversation was over. She had enough information to process so she said a quick goodbye then led Shay back up to the car. They stopped by the grocery store on the way to make sure they had supplies for Kelly's welcome home dinner. They put the shopping away then Erin opened the lounge room curtains, standing Shay in front of the window before going outside to water their flowers. She flicked the hose up so the water jetted at the window, Shay laughing as her hands remained dry on the other side. They built a tower, read a book, did a puzzle and watched some television while they waited to start cooking dinner. Erin was happy to let Shay stay up late, they'd probably all want to sleep in.

"DADDY!" Shay screamed when he finally arrived, tearing through the house at top speed to get to the front door. Erin remained in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on dinner as she listened to their conversation and subsequent laughter. They joined her moments later, thanking her for cooking as the family of three made their way to the dining room together. Happy to be reunited at last they caught up as they ate.

"I was thinking I might take Shay skating tomorrow" Kelly announced midway through the meal, causing Erin to drop her fork.

"Sounds good" She agreed in what she hoped was a seamless recovery. Secretly wondering if he somehow already knew. She kept a close eye on him for the rest of the meal, eventually accepting that the timing was coincidental. He was more than happy to put Shay to bed, being very generous with bubbles in the bath, two stories and extra cuddles and kisses.

"She's asleep" He explained as he entered the bedroom, moving to change into pajama's

"Thank you" She replied, putting the baby names book back as she watched him.

"Thank you for taking such good care of her over the last few days" He added with an appreciative smile.

"Thank you for coming home" She sighed in response.

"I'm never doing that again" Kelly assured as he stepped into the bathroom. Erin waited patiently, rewarded by a kiss in which he tried to convey all his emotions. She couldn't help but let out a satisfied moan, shocked when he then pulled away.

"You okay?" She asked, wondering if she'd done something wrong.

"Yeah" He sighed, dismissing his thoughts so he could kiss her again. There was plenty of lost time to be made up for but he continually resisted Erin's advances. To the point where he pushed her away and sat up.

"What's wrong?" She questioned, convinced she was doing something wrong.

"Nothing" He answered quickly.

"It's okay if you're tired" She smiled, kissing his cheek before getting comfortable on her own side of the bed.

"No, it's not that. Can we just...look at names together?" He asked, spotting the book and deciding it was a safe option.

"Sure, I was highlighting the ones I like for you to pick from" She explained picking up the book so she could hold it open between them.

"That's a good idea" Kelly nodded, though there were far fewer highlighted names than he'd expected. It wasn't what she'd had in mind but she tried to enjoy simply spending time with him. Head on his shoulder as they went through the book, methodically at first then flipping through and seeing what fate chose.

**I managed to get this together... it took me all day. No seriously all day because I'm sick at the moment :/ I'll have to catch up on uni stuff over the weekend :P**


	89. Chapter 89

"I missed having you here" Erin sighed, they'd both been awake for a little while but neither had spoken. Enjoying a peaceful moment snuggled together, Kelly's arms wrapped protectively around her.

"I missed being here" He replied, but it wasn't the here he missed it was the who. It wouldn't matter where they were as long as they were together.

"Dadadadadadadaaaa!" Shay called from down the hall taking them both by surprise.

"She missed you" Erin laughed as the footsteps grew closer.

"I'll make up for it today" He guaranteed, sitting up so he was ready when Shay launched herself at him. He wasn't joking either. After a minor obstacle, Shay had well and truly outgrown her skates, they were off regardless. Erin had moved from bed to the couch but hadn't made any further progress. By the time they returned from their adventure: eating ice cream after playing in the park for an hour then watching Blaze's friend Justice the police dog bring down a criminal mastermind while stuffing themselves with popcorn. When he'd sent Erin a message saying they were on their way home she'd showered and made lunch, expecting them to be hungry.

"You don't like it do you?" She questioned as she watched them pick through the salad. Kelly ate the cubes of beetroot while Shay only ate the feta.

"No we do, it's just we had ice cream and popcorn" He explained. "And before you say it I know I can't make up for not being there this weekend with food."

"But it's a start" She joked.

"I thought you'd be worried about her getting proper food" He commented, trying to hide his surprise at not being told off.

"Not really...I'm just worried she's going to fall asleep in the pool this afternoon" Erin shrugged.

"Oh...I forgot about swimming" He realised. Shay probably wouldn't have the energy to flop around like a very cute, but magnificently uncoordinated, fish.

"Yeah, you're taking her" She informed wondering how he could forget something he'd been doing every Tuesday for weeks.

"You don't want to come and watch?" He questioned, feeling bad to be spending the day with Shay while Erin was left around the house.

"I'm quite enjoying moving as little as possible" She supplied honestly.

"Okay, as long as your happy" He smiled, reaching across the table to hold her hand.

"I'm happy, though we should probably talk later" Erin suggested. They had a lot to discuss, the cat, the fence and Chase.

"Sure" Kelly agreed, he knew he had to tell her about the radio but didn't have the courage at present. He would have to find it over the course of the afternoon. Erin ate what remained of his salad, then finished Shay's as well before returning to the couch. Shay wasn't tired so Kelly took her out into the backyard, feeling the need to perform some basic maintenance now that their front yard was looking so good. Then they raced inside to get ready to go to the pool for swimming lessons.

"Just in time" Erin greeted when they arrived home, dinner was ready early because she knew Shay would be struggling to stay awake. Kelly looked worn out so she didn't push their need to talk, spending the little time he had left at home cuddling on the couch.

"Thanks again for doing this" Erin grinned as she handed Shay across to Cindy, who barely had a chance to hold the toddler before she was running off to play with Kenny.

"It's absolutely no problem" Cindy assured.

"Almost forgot, I have to give you an invite to Kelly's party and ask if you want a cat" Erin remembered, pulling out one of the invitations and handing it over.

"A cat?" Cindy questioned, not sure she'd heard Erin correctly, it seemed awfully random.

"Yeah. I'm picking it up from the vet this morning, I only got involved because it was hit by a car. We don't want a cat though so I'm trying to find it a home" Erin explained.

"Chris is allergic. Given the fuss he's making about the cold he has I really don't think he could handle it" Cindy informed.

"I'm what?" Chris called from the kitchen, popping his head out into the hallway after hearing his name, missing the second part of his wife's comment thanks to her hushed tones.

"Allergic to cats, put this on the fridge dear" Cindy explained before handing him the invitation.

"The ice rink? How'd you manage that? We tried to organise a party there for Lee Henry last year" He croaked.

"You chose the wrong academy, I used my police negotiations training" Erin explained, wondering if it was a good idea to leave Shay in a house with someone taking a sick day.

"Not fair" He grumbled.

"Oh and don't tell Kelly, its a surprise" Erin added

"I'm surprised you're still talking to him" Chris said, knowing his wife would kill him if he were in their shoes.

"Hmm? Oh yeah...three shifts is a row was awful" She nodded, though the look on his face indicated they were talking about two different things.

"...Yeah" Chris smiled, eyes shifting nervously. "I know a guy, Clarke, who's friends with some Hawks players, I can ask him to see if he could bring them along" He suggested, figuring a change of subject was the safest move.

"Really? That would be awesome" Erin enthused, leaving Shay would be fine. She'd be with Cindy and there was plenty to be done.

"No problem"

"Is there any chance you could hand out some invitations? When you're feeling better. Just spread the word a bit without Kelly knowing"

"Sure thing, I'll take 'em in to Molly's"

"Make sure you tell people to bring socks" She added as she handed over a stack of invitations. "What?" Erin questioned when she noticed the alarmed look on his face, Lieutenant Severide had a new nickname.

"You might wanna ask your husband about that" He mumbled, unable to make eye contact.

"Umm...?" She asked, completely puzzled.

"Not my place" Chris added before rushing back to the kitchen.

"Sorry, no idea what that's about" Cindy apologised with a frown, just as curious as Erin about what had just happened.

"I have to go anyway, I'll just say goodbye to Shay" Erin smiled, deciding not to let it bother her, she could always stop by the firehouse later and interrogate Kelly.

"Okay" Cindy nodded, watching as Erin went to give her daughter a goodbye kiss then make her way to the front door. From the Herrmann's house Erin went straight to the vet to pick up the cat.

"Now she's just going to want to rest for the next week or so, keep her somewhere quiet - like a laundry or bathroom. Her medications are all labeled but I'll run you through those in a minute. All her dressings are fine until Monday, I'll drop by your house and change them if that's okay" The vet instructed, Erin was reading the small orange pill bottles carefully while listening.

"Okay" She nodded.

"I'll be there just after five" He explained, wondering if that would be convenient.

"So I just feed it and leave it alone?" She checked, certain it had to be more complicated than that.

"Pretty much, cats are very independent animals and she'll look after herself. I've give you my cell phone number in case you have any questions, feel free to call me day or night" The vet supplied, showing her the number on the back of the business card.

"Thank you, for everything" Erin said, wondering if he was always so good with follow up care. Either way he seemed dedicated to getting the cat better, the sooner it was well the sooner she could find a loving home for it.

"Thank you for valuing her life enough to save her, a lot of people wouldn't" He replied, carrying the cat out to the car for her. "Good luck and call me if you need anything."

"I should have thought to buy you some stuff" Erin told the cat as she drove them home, leaving it curled on a blanket on the laundry floor while she went to the shops. She'd never bought cat food before and was overwhelmed with the choices. Then she bought it a bed, food and water dishes and a litter tray. By the time she was finished the laundry had everything the cat could need, it had already settled itself in the new bed. "You just chill here for a while" She explained to the animal, yellow eyes following her every move. She didn't have time to worry about it, leaving for the district to hand out invitations.

"Why didn't you cook for us?...We work hard you know" Ruzek complained the moment he saw that she wasn't carrying a container of baked goods.

"I know it might come as a shock to you but women don't actually spend all day in the kitchen. And as for working hard, I know you haven't had a case all week" She defended, handing him an invitation.

"Ooh! You're forgiven, cake and skating! Totally worth it" Ruzek grinned as he held the invitation like a prized possession.

"Any idea what Kelly wants for his birthday?" Antionio questioned from behind his desk.

"Your guess is as good as mine" Erin laughed, she had a few ideas but couldn't afford to give them away. She had to find him something meaningful and only had a few days left to figure it out. Once she'd handed out the invitations and caught up on everything going on in intelligence she headed home, eager to check on the cat. She peeked through the laundry door to find it sleeping not disturbing it again until she gave it dinner once Shay was upstairs asleep.

"Babe what the hell?" Kelly questioned when he stormed in looking confused.

"What?" She questioned looking up from the quiz show she was watching, she'd been waiting for him to get home but hadn't expected him to make such an entrance.

"Um since when do we have a fence? And a gate?" He demanded, feeling as if he must have missed an important conversation.

"Oh, sorry I'll open the gate" She said moving to get her keys, she stood at the front door and pressed the small green button

"Erin?" He complained as the mechanical sound of the gate filtered through the silence.

"I'm sorry" She apologised, not sure what the problem was.

"I'll just put the car in then we can talk" He sighed, shaking his head as he made his way down the front stairs. Erin pressed the button again when the car was parked and Kelly had to admit that it was pretty awesome.

"We needed a fence and I didn't know what I wanted but I liked that one, you'll see it properly in the morning. The electric gate wasn't that much more expensive and it's so cool. It makes life so much easier" She explained enthusiastically, hopeful he would see it from her point of view.

"Than not having a gate?" He asked, not knowing himself why he was so against it.

"Yes, this way our children will be safe when they play outside" She nodded, squeezing his hand before placing it over the baby. "It's for the kids" She reasoned, loving the way his expression softened and eyes sparkled.

"You win" He laughed, bending down to kiss her stomach before kissing her as well.

"Dinner?" She questioned.

"Yeah" He agreed following her through the house, deviating to get rid of his jacket, shirt and pants in the laundry. "Erin?!" He called when opened the door, startled by the eyes glowing up at him.

"Oh!" She remembered leaving their food on the bench as she went to explain. Next time she'd just tell him everything from the beginning. "That's the cat that got hit, the one I thought was Shay. The vet fixed it up and I'm just going to look after it until its recovered, then I'll find it a new home" She explained, taking his clothes and placing them in the washing basket before pushing him out of the room.

"Right" He nodded, leaving her as he made his way up the stairs to pull on a singlet and his checkered flannelette pajama pants.

"I'm sorry" She repeated when he sat down at the table to eat.

"It's fine, I just wasn't expecting it but..." He smiled.

"...I should have told you" She finished for him, acknowledging that keeping it from him had been a mistake.

"It doesn't matter now, the important thing is... Can we keep it? Please?" He requested firmly, his eyes as wide as a child in a candy store.

"What? No!" She denied immediately.

"It's cute and you've already gone to the trouble of saving its life. Plus it looks just like Sooty" He justified, after Blaze and Justice the charming black cat Sooty was his favorite animated animal. Soon enough she'd have her own movie.

"We're not keeping it" Erin declared sternly, wondering what had come over him. He barely knew the animal but still wanted to keep it.

"Please? We can call it Sooty" He pleaded.

"I don't understand you at all. Cats scratch and bite and smother babies" Erin reminded.

"What if this one's different?" He suggested.

"Its practically a stray, I don't trust it" She justified.

"Why don't we give her a trial run, once she's better. Shay will love her" He requested.

"Shay already loves her, she was so desperate to help it when it was hurt. That's why I had to save it" Erin explained, fearful that if Shay knew the cat was in their home she'd never be able to separate them.

"It'll be alright, we'll supervise them together and keep the cat in the laundry at night" He proposed as the solution, intent on keeping the cat.

"You seem like you've made up your mind" She shrugged seeing the determined look in his eyes. "And I'm okay to keep it around for a little while. If it doesn't work out, if it even looks like its going to hurt Shay then you have to be okay with getting rid of it" She explained in a conditional agreement.

"To a loving home" He clarified.

"Yes" She nodded, she'd invested far too much in the cat to let it wander the streets again.

"Sooty stays" He announced proudly, raising a toast with his glass of juice.

"You realise it only has three legs"

"Stop calling Sooty an it" He replied. Erin sighed, she didn't want a cat but Kelly did. Life was full of compromises and difficult conversations. They ate in silence for a while, Erin waiting until his smile finally faded before asking him a question.

"Did something happen at work?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, stomach sinking as he realised he'd put it off long enough. He'd have to tell her about the radio.

"I was dropping Shay off with Cindy and Chris was being weird. He said he was surprised I was still talking to you so I'm just trying to understand what he meant. Did you do something dangerous?" She elaborated, giving a small supportive smile as she waited for him to answer.

"No, I did something stupid" Kelly admitted.

"Are you okay? You didn't hurt yourself?" Erin questioned assuming he'd done something even riskier than his normal job.

"It's not like that. It's bad and you're going to hate me" He explained.

"I don't think I could ever hate you" She laughed, wishing he would just spit it out.

"You'd be surprised" He laughed in response.

"Just tell me" She requested, amusement gone from her voice.

"How about I get us some ice cream first?" He suggested hopefully, getting up and taking their plates to the kitchen before she could disagree. Erin braced herself for the worst when he presented her with a full bowl of chocolate ice cream, covered in her favourite caramel topping and sprinkled with chopped peanuts. She was nervous to the point of nausea by the time he sat down, watching her expectantly. Erin smiled and slid the spoon into her mouth, waiting for him to explain. "Monday morning..." He started.

"Did you get in trouble for that?" She questioned, relieved that that was all this was.

"Not quite. I had my radio with me" He added, hating that he couldn't just blurt it out.

"You broke it when you dropped it?" She asked hopefully, that she could live with.

"No but that did press and lock the send button" He explained gently, cringing. "They, everyone, heard"

"No" She whispered, dropping the spoon into the bowl so she could cover her reddening face. She slid as far down the chair as she could, remembering every noise she had made. There had been a lot of them.

"I'm really sorry"

"Good" She half shouted, straightening before standing up.

"Erin" He called after her, turning to watch her leave the room.

"I just need some time" She said, making her way upstairs. If it was possible to die of embarrassment she wished it would just happen already. Laying on their bed in the dark, convinced she'd never be able to go back to the firehouse, she'd have to cancel the birthday party as well. It was hard not to be angry at Kelly but he'd been alright with the fence and cat so she tried her best. He gave her half an hour, spending most of the time sitting on the laundry floor talking to and patting Sooty. "I'm sorry" She whispered when he entered their bedroom, slowly and cautiously.

"It's my fault" He accepted.

"You have to go to work and face them, I can just hide here for the rest of my life" Erin reasoned, trying to see the positive side.

"It's not that bad, they'll have forgotten it completely by the end of the week" He comforted, getting up to brush his teeth.

"I was so loud, they probably think that's normal" She groaned unable to keep her horror internalised any longer.

"They were more amused by the way you reacted to my socks" He answered honestly from the bathroom doorway.

"That was normal..." She admitted with a laugh, trying desperately to see the situation as humorous. He returned from the bathroom and joined her in bed. Holding her tight, thankful that he was even in the bed when she could easily have banished him to the couch. "The other night...when you didn't want to...I thought it was because I'm too fat" She whispered softly, it had been on her mind the whole time.

"No!" He cried immediately, sitting up so he could look her in the eye. "You're not fat, you're the most beautiful woman in the world and I love you so much" He assured. "I just couldn't stop thinking about them when I should have been thinking about you."

"That's okay then, because I'm not even halfway" She breathed, smiling into his kiss.

"Next week you will be" He reminded excitedly, moving to kiss the baby goodnight.

"I was wondering if that was an okay birthday present? The ultrasound. I've got you some stuff but I can't find anything meaningful like your necklace" She asked carefully.

"I don't need presents when I have you" He assured, pulling her closer. That might be what he said but Erin still spent most of Friday dragging Shay through shops. Kelly loved opening presents almost as much as Shay did.

**Happy?**

**Question: With the 20wk ultrasound coming up - Do you want to know the gender of the baby? Because I'm happy to write it either way. Leave me a review :D **


	90. Chapter 90

"Happy birthday" Erin whispered as she sat down on the bed, leaning over her sleeping husband to give him a kiss.

"Daddy!" Shay added, as she got up onto the bed. "Wakey Daddy" She instructed when he didn't acknowledge them, climbing onto his chest to wait for a response.

"I'm awake" He announced a moment later as he opened his eyes, already smiling.

"Presents or breakfast?" Erin asked as he sat up, holding Shay's hands as she bounced on the bed.

"That's the toughest decision" He told Shay seriously, he couldn't smell the presents though so he had to go with breakfast. "Food first."

"Food first" Shay repeated as if it was her personal motto, which it pretty much was.

"Let's go then" Erin said as she stood, lifting Shay down to the floor. He held one of each of their hands as they made their way downstairs together.

"Thank you" Kelly grinned when Erin handed him a plate of his favourite bacon pancakes, butter melting in a gooey yellow puddle over them.

"It's your birthday" She reasoned cutting a pancake into small squares for Shay before slathering peanut butter on her own. It was a special occasion and Shay couldn't make a terrible mess with pancake so they sat on the couch to eat. Watching his favourite beaver cartoon as they ate.

"Presents! Presents!" Shay started chanting the moment they'd finished eating, jumping up and down excitedly.

"What do you think?" Erin asked, not sure they shouldn't wait for the end of the program so he could concentrate.

"I think I'll have this one now!" Kelly smiled as he lifted Shay onto his lap, making her squeal as he tickled her. "And I'll unwrap this one later" He whispered into Erin's ear as he leaned across to kiss her cheek.

"Daddy no!" Shay complained as she slid off his lap while he was distracted, moving purposefully towards the stairs.

"Shay doesn't like that idea" Erin challenged, as if it actually posed a dilemma.

"It's my birthday, I can do what I want" He explained swiftly moving to capture her lips.

"Wait for me" Erin called after Shay before turning back to Kelly for another kiss.

"I'll wait" Kelly sighed as she got up, following after Shay who was now halfway up the stairs.

"Presents Mama!" Shay reminded as she continued to scale the stairs, it was quite an effort given her size.

"Do you remember where they are?" Erin asked as she caught up, helping Shay to the top before letting her go again.

"Yes" Shay replied leading the way to the cupboard in the spare bedroom where they had hidden the presents. Shay pulled open the cupboard, immediately selecting the only present she had wrapped; bright yellow paper making it stand out from the others. Satisfied she had what she came for Shay started back the way they had come, leaving her mother to bring the rest.

"Careful on the stairs" Erin reminded as Shay hurtled towards them at top speed, stopping just in time. Holding the present across her chest Shay pulled her pajama pants higher before sitting down on the edge of the top step, proceeding to slide from one step to the next on her backside. They made it to the bottom at the same time, Shay's approach surprisingly effective. Kelly had cleared their breakfast dishes away so Erin set the presents down on the coffee table.

"Daddy presents" Shay explained as she handed over the package, climbing up beside him to watch closely as he unwrapped it.

"What is it?" He asked as he peeled back the layers of tape, it wasn't going to be easy.

"Maked you pretty shirt" Shay revealed. He was too slow for her liking so she took the present off him and tore it open herself. Missing the exchange of looks between her parents, one informing the other that they were just as impatient as Shay. Shay handed him the contents then fought to shake her hand free of the tangle of paper and sticky tape. Kelly unfolded the shirt and held it up to look at it, tiny rainbow hand prints decorating the white fabric.

"Thank you beautiful" He smiled, helping her discard the wrapping paper before giving her a hug.

"More" Shay demanded the moment she was released.

"Which one?" Erin asked her, waiting until she pointed to the second biggest. "You can open that one while Daddy opens this one" Erin explained, ignoring Kelly's confused look. It all made sense when they both ripped away the paper to reveal new ice skates, a matching design in massively different sizes. "Yours looked old and I had to get Shay some new ones" She justified, hoping it was alright that she hadn't consulted him first.

"They're awesome, I can't wait to try them out" He assured, clearly impressed with her choice.

"Good because that's what we're doing today. I know you wanted a party but I left it too late" She apologised, it was an effort to sound disappointed but she felt confident she'd misled him when he pulled her into a hug.

"That's fine, I'm happy" He grinned, keeping her on his lap as he opened the remaining presents, delivered one at a time by Shay. A 'Worlds Best Dad' mug, new leather gloves, cat toys and a Blaze beanie joined the skates. "Thank you" He said seriously, Erin knew he was talking about more than just the presents.

"Thank you" She replied equally seriously, they had so much to be thankful for and being together was top of the list. "Time to start moving" She ushered as she noticed the time.

"We'll feed Sooty" He volunteered.

"Sooty cat" Shay agreed, leaving her toys and skates to run off to the laundry.

"Make sure she washes her hands" Erin instructed firmly, the last few mornings she'd followed them to supervise but today felt confident they could do it alone. After breakfast and a thorough pat Sooty would be happy to curl up and sleep the day away. Erin dressed Shay warmly then met Kelly in the bedroom to check he was ready to go. They all headed downstairs together and made their way out to the car. Erin was glad she wouldn't have to contain her excitement for much longer. The car park was full of familiar cars but Kelly didn't appear to notice as he got Shay out of the car. This was the defining moment and anxiety started to overtake the excitement. Erin wasn't worried about the party but this was the first time she'd be facing his workmates since the radio incident.

"You alright?" Kelly questioned, noticing the way she'd slowed down.

"Yeah fine" She answered quickly, taking his arm because his hands were full. They moved through the first set of doors, he thought it was odd that the sales window was closed but Erin pushed open the second door, holding it for him as he walked through. There were red black and white streamers and balloons hanging from every available space and a massive crowd of people, all faces he recognised. In proper surprise party tradition they yelled happy birthday but Kelly was too stunned to respond.

"Babe?" He questioned, blocking out everyone for a moment as he checked he wasn't hallucinating.

"I love you" Erin explained as she took Shay from him, setting her on the ground before pushing him towards the people. Shay ran off the moment she spotted her Grandpa Hanky and uncles, Erin followed, leaving Kelly to accept birthday wishes from everyone. They hadn't had such a big gathering since their wedding so there were a lot of people for him to talk to. It wasn't long before Shay sought him out, demanding they skate. Erin found a seat and watched as people took to the ice. There was massive variation in the ability levels of those skating, from those who had been doing it from Shay's age right through to people who'd never tried it before. Clinging desperately to the wall as they tried to find traction on the slick surface. Hank and Russ joined Erin, sitting either side as they talked, ignoring their previous disagreement for her benefit.

"You'll have a pro on your hands if she keeps practicing" Chase commented as he walked past, stopping to check in with his uncle.

"Kelly would love that" Erin answered, looking over just as Shay fell. She was up in no time but it was natural to worry, she seemed so much smaller than everyone else and just as keen to take risks. Half an hour later Erin was in conversation with Gabby when the happy little baby she was holding was swapped for a big crying toddler. "What happened?" Erin asked as she rubbed circles on Shay's back.

"She's just getting tired and fell" Kelly explained, feeling bad not to have been able to calm Shay himself.

"I've got her, you go" She encouraged, happy for him to return to the party.

"I'm going to rest for a while too" He decided. They ate and socialised before he opened presents, unwrapping enough socks to last a lifetime from his colleagues, then some particularly thoughtful gifts from those who hadn't been involved. His favourite was the collectors edition of Blaze from Sharron and her husband Bryce, Kelly's instant best friend. Erin didn't understand how an animated movie could have bloopers but was happy Kelly had found someone who shared his strange obsession. Only distracted from his comparative analysis of Blaze and Justice when Jeff Clarke arrived, followed by his friends Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook along with half the Blackhawks team. They gifted Kelly a signed jersey then challenged him and his squad to a game, it took half an hour for the teams to get organised both taking it incredibly seriously.

"Don't get hurt" was all Erin had to say on the matter, happy to sit with Shay and watch as the professionals obliterated the firemen. Twenty minutes into the game they'd made their point, deciding to even up the teams, bringing in people from the sidelines and distributing the professional players so that the game was fair. It ended in a victory for Kelly's team and they celebrated their win with birthday cake before rushing off to play again, this time including Shay. Erin couldn't watch knowing that at any moment one of the adults could fall and crush her little girl. "Chase, can you come help me get something from the car?" Erin requested, hoping to take her mind off the game and fulfil her obligation to Russ at the same time.

"Yeah sure" Chase agreed immediately, following Erin without another word.

"I don't need help with anything, I just wanted to talk to you" She explained when she reached the back of the vehicle, turning to look at him.

"Oh...okay" He accepted, slightly confused.

"Russ..." She started.

"Put you up to this! He can't mind his own business. I'm fine!" Chase exploded. Erin took a step back, increasing the space between them as she waited for him to calm down.

"We all just want to make sure you stay that way" She agreed gently after a long pause.

"He told you about the drugs then" Chase muttered.

"Yeah" She nodded.

"I don't see how it's any of your business, you know my uncle and you're my boss' wife. Why do you care?" He demanded frustratedly.

"You're right I know your uncle and he cares. My husband cares because the squad relies on you and I care...because I've been there... Maybe not as bad but I was involved in all sorts of things as a kid" Erin explained.

"Sure" He shrugged, rolling his eyes like a disgruntled teen.

"I'm serious. I did drugs and got arrested a few times. I didn't think I needed help, I thought it would be easy to stop" She elaborated.

"You're a few years too late. I'm clean" He informed sharply.

"I know. That's not the end though. You need to learn who you are without the drugs and you have to make new friends at the same time. You seem to be doing well with that and you're lucky because the guys at the firehouse are a great family. They'll be there for you if you need help. I know it sounds stupid but you need a support network and I'm a part of that whether you like it or not" Erin stated.

"You really did drugs?" Chase asked after a moment, she sounded like she knew what she was talking about but the admission surprised him.

"Mmhm" She nodded, it still wasn't easy to talk about so she completely understood why he'd been annoyed.

"I never would have picked it" He smiled softly.

"I've changed. And you can too. It takes time and as hard as it is to admit, you're going to need help. Long term. You can always talk to me" She finished before turning to head back inside, she'd tried but she had no idea why.

"Erin" He called after her, uncertainty clear in his voice.

"Yeah?" She replied.

"Thanks and sorry" He supplied before opening the door for her. Erin felt better knowing she'd fulfilled her obligation to Russ. Now keen to get back to celebrating her husband's birthday. The game had been scaled back a little, with a third of the ice now dedicated to the children. Ava was busy choreographing a skating routine for Zoey, Vinessa and Naomi. Shay divided her time between both groups, happy to let the girls twirl her around but thrilled by the pace of the hockey game. There was no official end to the party but eventually it got to the point where everyone was too tired to skate. The Blackhawks players stuck around for a second slice of cake then said their goodbyes. Shay had fallen asleep atop a pile of jackets, still wearing her ice skates.

"Home?" Erin asked Kelly as their paths crossed while cleaning up.

"Yeah" He agreed, farewelling the last of the guests before getting their stuff together. Erin carried Shay, who was totally exhausted, already dribbling in her sleep. They made their way home in silence both having spent a good portion of the day talking, just not to each other. Erin carried Shay upstairs taking her straight through to the master bedroom, Kelly followed and they settled either side of her to rest. Gazes meeting after a long moment spent watching her sleep. Kelly didn't need words to thank his wife for an incredible day, a small smile was sufficient as they returned to watching Shay until they fell asleep. It was dark when they woke, Shay talking to herself as she straightened her legs into the air and reached for her toes.

"Mama" Shay questioned when she noticed eyes on her.

"Hi" Erin whispered in response, looking across in time to see Kelly open his eyes.

"Hi" He smiled.

"Hi" Shay told both of them as she sat up, first crawling to give her daddy a kiss then her mama.

"This has been the best birthday" He stated randomly.

"It's not over yet, unless you want to skip dinner and stay here forever" Erin concluded, highly tempted to remain in bed forever. Kelly sighed as he weighed up his options, a smile spreading across his face as he had an idea. He picked up his phone and called the local pizza place to have dinner delivered. "That is why I married you" She beamed when he put down the phone.

"Hmm?" He questioned, wanting to know if she was talking about something specific.

"You didn't have to look up the number" She laughed, thankful that Shay had moved to the foot of the bed so Kelly could lean across for a kiss.

"Daddy socks" Shay scolded as she started to tug at the green socks.

"Not you too" He groaned, flopping back before pulling the pillow over his head. Erin laughed then apologised, trying to uncover his face so she could make it up to him with a kiss. He held firmly until the doorbell rang, flinging the pillow across the bed so it landed in front of Shay.

"Dada" Shay complained as she fell forward onto the pillow.

"Time to wash our hands" Erin enthused as she picked up Shay, carrying her to the bathroom where she sat her down beside the basin.

"More" Shay requested as the soap was pumped onto her hand. "Stop" She commanded when she had enough, starting to rub her hands together to make foam. It was usually difficult to convince her to wash it away but all Erin had to say was pizza. "Bye bye bubbles." They straightened the covers on the bed and put the pillows back against the headboard before waiting patiently for Kelly to return.

"Dinner is ready" He called as he marched up the steps, placing the pizza box in the middle of the bed.

"Happy birthday" Erin smiled as she opened the box and selected the smallest slice.

"Birfday" Shay agreed as her mother handed her the pizza. She'd had pizza before but it was usually cut into small enough pieces that she didn't have to contend with stringy melted cheese.

"Thank you" Kelly responded as he took a slice for himself. They'd never eaten in bed as a family before, but Kelly wanted it to become a birthday tradition. Shay replicated her parents and managed the pizza well, making it a relatively mess free meal. They all ate more than they really needed then dropped the pizza box on to the floor to play. Shay enjoyed mimicking the animal noises her parents made, trying to name them as quickly as she could. Then they moved on to colour names and numbers.

"How many feet are there Shay?" Erin asked. They counted together before turning to Kelly for the next thing to count.

"How many people are in the bed?" He asked.

"Daddy. Mummy. Shay" Shay named as he pointed to each of them.

"What about this one?" He challenged as he rested a hand on Erin's belly.

"Mama?" She questioned, making eye contact with the owner of the belly.

"Not quite" He encouraged.

"Baby?" She guessed.

"Yes, daddy, mummy, Shay and the baby. One, two, three, four" Kelly informed.

"Four!" Shay repeated.

"Four people in the bed" Erin nodded as she tried to think of something else to count. Forgetting what she was doing when Shay's little hands joined Kelly's on her belly. She smiled at both of them, enjoying the precious moment. It was impossible to tell who was more surprised when the baby decided it wanted to be involved, kicking upwards with all it's strength. Erin and Kelly looked at each other while Shay pulled at her mother's shirt, trying to find the source of the movement.

"That's the baby Shay" Kelly encouraged, placing his hand over hers as it kicked again.

"Happy birthday?" Erin asked, the timing couldn't have been more perfect.

"I love everything else but this is the best present" He grinned as he leaned down to kiss the baby. Shay bent forward but pressed her ear against it instead, listening intently for further evidence of what was hiding inside. Ignoring her parents kissing above her. Shortly later they all got up to brush their teeth and change into their pajamas. Shay didn't understand why she had to sleep in her own bed or why her parents had an argument over which book took less time to read. She did know that there was no way she was staying there once they were gone, tempting her with chuckles and giggles behind the closed door. She managed to sneak in without them noticing and burrow up under the blankets from the foot of the bed. Settling in between her parents, who were kissing again, to sleep. "I can move her" Kelly offered once she was fast asleep.

"I don't mind her staying" Erin answered, looking down at Shay, hand pressed to her cheek with the tip of her pinky in her mouth. "If that's okay with you" She added, happy either way.

"Snuggling with both my beautiful ladies, that's always going to be okay with me" He assured thinking there was no better way to end such a perfect day.

**This one was fun to write :D The baby's gender will be revealed tomorrow! **


	91. Chapter 91

"Why did you let me drink that bottle of water?" Erin complained as they sat in the waiting room.

"It's not going to be much longer" Kelly assured squeezing her hand to try and comfort her.

"Seriously though" She complained wishing she could dash to the bathroom. Knowing her luck her name would be called the moment the door closed behind her.

"You knew this was going to happen" He shrugged giving her a knowing look. He was right, she'd said it was a bad idea before she'd started drinking but had continued to empty the bottle anyway.

"How was I supposed to know they'd be running behind schedule?" She demanded.

"It's going to be great to see the baby" He reminded, hoping to take her mind off her full bladder.

"I'm gonna go" Erin sighed, deciding she couldn't wait any longer. "Keep an eye on Shay" She added as she stood.

"Just five more minutes?" He requested.

"I'm sorry" She apologised as she moved towards the bathroom.

"Erin Severide?"

"I told you" Kelly laughed as he jumped up and moved past Erin on his way to get Shay from the children's table in the corner. Erin crossed to the doorway and waited for Kelly and Shay to join her before they made their way down the corridor.

"Good morning" The sonographer greeted cheerfully as he spun across the room on his chair.

"Morning" Erin replied, wondering why he was in such a good mood. She should have been equally cheerful but her need to use the bathroom was overshadowing everything.

"Twenty weeks?" He questioned as he flicked on the ultrasound machine, pressing buttons without even looking.

"Yep" She nodded, lifting her shirt as she tried to get rid of the mental image of a rainy day. The moment the ultrasound was done she'd be on her way to the bathroom.

"Big one then, measuring everything, checking the heart and other vital organs are developing properly and of course finding out the gender" He explained as he squeezed gel onto her exposed stomach. "If you want to know that is."

"I don't think we've decided yet" Erin said, looking up to try to figure out what Kelly was thinking. His expression unreadable as he tried to work out what to do, she wanted to know so the decision rested on him.

"Well I'm going to start right here" The sonographer explained as he pressed the probe to her skin, looking up to the screen as they got to see the baby for the first time in months. Starting at it's shoulder and moving up until it's head and face were in view. It had certainly grown a developed considerably in that time.

"That's the baby" Kelly told Shay as he pointed at the screen, Shay hadn't been paying attention but suddenly focused on the screen. Watching it more intently than she watched the television when her favourite fairy show was on.

"Looking good" The sonographer commented as he started his measurements.

"Mama" Shay requested as she wriggled to get a better view of the baby. Erin reached out and held her hand, not taking her eyes from the screen for a single second. She'd expected everything to be easier the second time, it made sense seeing as they'd done it all before. The rush of emotion, love, excitement, anxiety and fear, took her by surprise as she watched the baby's arm stretch up to rub against its face.

"Are you going to be a big sister?" The sonographer asked Shay as he used his free hand to gesture at her mother's stomach.

"Baby" Shay answered politely, brows furrowing as she struggled to understand what the stranger wanted to know.

"We're looking at the baby" Kelly agreed as he shifted Shay, taking Erin's hand for himself, desperate to talk with her. He sensed she was thinking very seriously about something and it worried him a little, he just wanted her to be happy.

"It'll be a good size if you go to term" The sonographer predicted. "Organs are all looking good, well formed heart with a strong and steady rhythm, healthy stomach and kidneys. Nicely developed hands and feet."

"I just want to get past thirty-four weeks" Erin informed thinking back to Shay's rushed delivery, it had been absolutely terrifying to have to wait for her cries to confirm she was alive.

"Are we wanting to know the gender or not?" The sonographer questioned as he moved the probe again.

"It's up to you" Erin told Kelly, giving him a small smile.

"Yes or no Shay?" Kelly deferred quickly, unable to make up his mind.

"Mama?" Shay questioned as she looked to her mother to try to work out what he was talking about.

"Yes or no?" Erin asked. Shay yawned, rubbed her eyes with her hands and then nodded.

"That's a yes" Kelly agreed excitedly, wondering if his life could get any better. He'd had a brilliant weekend with a party and plenty of family time and now he was looking at the perfect baby his incredible wife was growing.

"So a little brother or sister?" The sonographer asked himself as he looked at the screen, tilting his head to the side.

"Sistaaa" Shay nodded, remembering the word from before.

"Sister" The sonographer confirmed after a long pause.

"A girl?" Kelly checked.

"Yes, a girl" The sonographer said confidently. Kelly personally couldn't see it even with his head tilted but accepted the professionals word for it and started to grin. Erin hadn't said a word so he squeezed her hand, she responded with a nod and the slightest smile.

"More pink" Kelly smiled, trying to work out what was going on in his wife's head, it seemed complicated.

"How much longer?" Erin requested, speaking specifically to the sonographer.

"You're good to go, I'll just print your pictures" The sonographer replied, handing her some paper towels to wipe away the gel. She did so before standing up and straightening her shirt, leaving the room without looking at or speaking to anyone.

"Um" Kelly managed as the door clicked closed behind her.

"Mama" Shay demanded wriggling until he had to put her down, she ran to the door but couldn't work out the handle.

"Pictures" The sonographer said as he held out the small stack. Kelly was so slow to move that Shay beat him to claiming them, hoping that they would somehow help her get out.

"Thanks" Kelly mumbled distractedly as he picked up Shay and carried her back out to the waiting room. Erin wasn't there so he stood Shay on a chair and looked at the pictures with her while they waited.

"Baby. Baby. Fwee. Nine. Baby. One" Shay counted happily as she looked at the baby, turning some of the pictures upside down as she went.

"Home" Erin instructed, not even stopping on her journey from the bathroom to the car.

"Erin" Kelly complained, unable to follow immediately because he had to stop and pick up the pictures Shay had dropped. He straightened them, putting them in a neat stack before sliding them into his pocket for safe keeping. Finally exiting the clinic with Shay over his shoulder. Erin was tapping her fingers impatiently on the steering wheel when he got in the car. He placed a hand on her thigh, wanting to stop and talk but she ignored him completely focusing on the road and indulging Shay's request for music. He knew she wouldn't be able to keep it up forever and was willing to wait. It was hard not knowing what the problem was, surely she wasn't unhappy that the baby was a girl. The heavy silence continued once they got home, Erin busied herself with laundry, something she had put off for fear of scaring Sooty. Since the vet had visited the day before Sooty was free to roam the ground floor during the day, currently curled up amongst a pile of stuffed toys in the lounge. Kelly kept Shay busy outside and it almost felt like everything was alright for a few hours. Lunch was exceedingly awkward but they powered through, Shay's nap was the perfect opportunity for an uninterrupted discussion so Kelly got her off to sleep as quickly as he could.

"I'm not asleep" Erin informed when she heard him sneak into the bedroom, she'd pulled the curtains so the room was dim enough to sleep.

"Can we talk?" He questioned as he carefully made his way across to the bed.

"I'm sorry. Everything is fine" She assured as she looked up at him, his eyes searching for an explanation.

"I can tell that it isn't" He sighed, turning to lay down beside her.

"I don't know what to say" She admitted, annoyed that she sounded so vulnerable. Kelly didn't know what words to use so he moved closer, trying to communicate physically.

"Oh! That's awesome" He exclaimed as he tentatively lay his hand on her stomach, only to receive a forceful kick from the baby.

"It is" She nodded, smiling but not nearly as enthusiastic as he was.

"I know you wanted to name it after Hank if it was a boy, if that's what this is about..." Kelly attempted, hopeful a constructive conversation would ensue.

"No! It's not that. I'm happy it's a girl, I promise. Shay's proof we make awesome girls. I love this baby no matter what" She was quick to affirm, smiling and nodding to try to convince him.

"Then what is it?" He asked, if she couldn't put forward something meaningful he would know she was lying.

"I don't know. It's hard to explain. I can't help but worry, I think that's part of being a mum, and I thought the ultrasound and being told everything is okay would help. But is hasn't" She explained softly.

"What are you worried about?" He questioned, determined to help in any way he could. That required a slightly more specific understanding of the problem.

"Everything. Getting bigger, it's hard enough to keep up with Shay and lift and carry her now. She's not getting any smaller. Then there's how she's going to react to sharing our attention, she's probably going to hate the baby" She elaborated.

"Mmm" He agreed, acknowledging everything she was saying, processing the information and gradually forming a response.

"I'm just really scared that we aren't going to be as lucky this time. I don't know what happened, none of the doctors could ever tell me why Shay was born so early. I don't want this baby to be that small and fragile, I just want her to be healthy. I was so scared..." Erin explained, hiding the fear in her eyes by pressing her face against her husband's chest.

"I am so sorry" He replied in a tiny whisper, kissing her hair and holding her tight.

"Everything happened so fast" She added without moving.

"Its going to be different this time. I'm going to be there for you" He assured, lifting her chin with a finger so he could look her in the eye as he said it.

"You promised that last time" She reminded, it was unecessary and almost hurtful. He knew he hadn't been there for her when she'd needed him most and he would always regret his actions that day, he couldn't change them though.

"I'll quit my job if I have to" He offered.

"We can't afford for you to quit your job" She mumbled, something else she had been worrying about.

"I've noticed" He said after a long pause, wondering if now was the time to talk about it.

"I'm sorry" She apologised swiftly, again hiding her face.

"Two grand on a cat, six on the fence, the party..." He listed, trying to make a point not rub it in. "And don't think I didn't see your late night online shopping spree" He added.

"That was all stuff we need" She tried to justify, sounding unconvinced herself.

"We have plenty of hooded towels" He argued pettily.

"If I'd known a joint bank account would turn you into such a stalker..." She complained.

"I'm serious" Kelly said, attempting to shift the conversation back to what was important.

"New baby means new hooded towels. Shay will have to share. We only have three and the orange one has a tear in the corner" She explained, settling for somewhere between serious and lighthearted.

"I can't guarantee I won't take a double if Boden asks" He shrugged.

"Why did I marry a fireman? I mean I know you're gorgeous but is it too much to ask that you come home for dinner each night? How many fires happen at dinner time?" She complained honestly.

"Plenty" He supplied truthfully, in the last week they'd been called to two fires caused by poor food preparation practices at dinner time.

"I hate it when you're not here at night" She whinged, cuddling even closer.

"Scared of the dark?" He teased.

"Sometimes?" She asked hopefully, if she was he might be encouraged to stay home. "I should have kept working."

"I know you miss it" He comforted, understanding that her job had been the single most important thing in her life before he'd gotten involved.

"That's the thing, I don't. Not really but I liked where we were financially" She said, expressing exactly what she was feeling again. It was nice to have someone she could be completely honest with, even if it was still hard to open up.

"We'll be fine, the fact that it's a girl is going to save heaps on clothes" Kelly assured. They certainly had enough clothes, probably too many.

"Exactly. And I'll write a shopping list" She agreed, deciding to be more thoughtful about future spending.

"You don't need to worry about money or me or Shay and the baby. Our lives haven't been the easiest so far, the universe owes us" He suggested hopefully, it was as close as he was ever going to get to faith.

"Someone should tell the universe that" She mumbled in disagreement.

"Babe" He reasoned.

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm trying" She amended as she pressed a kiss to his nose.

"Sunday night, here, just the four of us a bed and some pizza. It doesn't take much and those were the best moments of my life" He explained, they didn't need material possessions, not really, they had something of infinite value: Love.

"Our wedding, Shay's birth...?"

"The moment you let me into your apartment the day of the hospital bombing" He added to the list she was forming, it didn't necessarily fit. "That's where it all started"

"That was a tough day...and an incredible night" She grinned, remembering it vividly.

"Exactly, you, me and a bed" He concluded.

"Okay you've made your point, you love the bed..." Erin laughed. "I love you" She added, his reply came via her mouth instead of her ears. "But...I'm going go give Hank a new picture and tell him to think pink and you're going to take Shay to her swimming lesson" She finished.

"Are we telling people?" He questioned enthusiastically.

"Important people, not everyone" She answered, not really sure who that included.

"If I tell Katie she'll tell Nadia" Kelly said, almost asking permission.

"I love that they're friends" She smiled, their lives both made easier now that they had someone to lean on. "And I'm fine with them both knowing" She added to get back on topic.

"Can we do something when you get back?" He asked hopefully, hating that she was already pulling away.

"We could go for a walk along the lake" She suggested, wondering if that was the sort of something he was referring to.

"Sounds perfect" He nodded, watching her move to the bathroom. Shay joined him before Erin emerged but he still couldn't convince her to come back to bed.

* * *

"Lindsay!" Halstead called the moment he spotted her coming up the stairs.

"I do miss people calling me that" Erin admitted as she walked towards him, noting the empty desks. She could see Hank on the phone so she perched on Jay's desk just as she had a million times before.

"It's mostly Mrs Severide these days huh?" He questioned, putting an appropriately juvenile emphasis on both the Mrs and Severide.

"No, mostly Mama" She grinned, holding out the new ultrasound photo destined for the frame on Hank's desk. Halstead was quick to take it for a closer look then pass it back to Alvin.

"Word from the firehouse is that you...well...you certainly aren't bored at home" Jay whispered as he leaned towards her. The speed with which the colour drained from her face was quite spectacular.

"What? Who said what?" She demanded immediately. Kelly had told her it would be forgotten in a week, that hadn't happened, instead it was spreading. The thought of the uniforms at the district, actually anyone at the district, knowing was mortifying. At least they hadn't actually heard it.

"I was talking to Platt who was talking to her boyfriend Mouch, might have told her something about you a radio and the one and only Socks Severide" He teased, knowing far more than he was letting on.

"Don't call him that!" She almost shouted, punching his arm to make sure the point got across.

"Call who what?" Ruzek requested as he slid into his chair. Erin froze, she had two options: she could threaten violence or attempt a more risky approach. It was hard to decide.

"Please?" She asked Jay, it was impossible not to pick up on the pleading in her voice. If Ruzek found out it would be minutes before the entire city knew, and he'd never forget it.

"You owe me" He agreed hesitantly, leaning back and putting his feet up on his desk to show that he was taking it seriously.

"What do you want?" She questioned, hoping she could settle the debt quickly and painlessly.

"I'll think about it" Jay decided.

"Erin" Hank greeted from his office doorway, she stood and walked towards him, collecting the picture from Alvin on the way past. "What are you doing here?" He questioned once he'd shut the door behind her.

"Just wanted to bring you an update" Erin explained as she handed over the picture.

"How's everything going?" He asked as he carefully removed the last picture, sliding it into his desk drawer before adding the new one.

"Good, she's growing well and kicking every now and then" She informed with a smile.

"She?" He asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, we found out this morning that it's a girl" She nodded.

"That's great. What did Kelly say?" Hank was eager to know.

"More pink" She quoted exactly, unable to hide her smile.

"Let me know if you want me to watch Shay, or help in any way..." He trailed off, intently watching what was happening outside his office.

"You've got a case?" Erin asked as she stood, not wanting to get out of the way.

"Yeah, sorry. Great news kid, we'll have dinner to celebrate over the weekend" He concluded, hugging her on the way out.

"Erin, I'll forget everything I heard if you share the secret of getting a Voight hug" Jay proposed when she stopped in front of his desk.

"Um...Tell him his you're pregnant with a girl?" She provided honestly, laughing as his face fell, not particularly worried that everyone present had heard. Jay, Alvin, Adam and Kevin were quick to congratulate her on the revelation before they were ordered back to work.

* * *

Kelly and Shay were home early and had assembled a picnic dinner by the time Erin arrived, leaving almost straight away. It was far colder than they had expected, the wind off the water was icy cold. Shay huddled in the front of Kelly's jacket as they walked, talking about anything and everything. Watching the sunset over the water then pointing out the pretty city lights to Shay. They ate dinner in the car then felt warm enough for ice cream. That was until they cracked open the car doors, happy to go without, Shay wasn't going to let that happen. Kelly ventured out into the could, returning with ice cream that was probably warmer than his fingers. Shivering despite the heater they headed home ending up all snuggling in bed together until Kelly had to leave for work. He hated to leave Erin, Shay, their baby girl and the bed he loved but there was work to be done.

**I don't know how this chapter got so long...I was literally just going to do the ultrasound, ending with the gender reveal...then it kind of took on a mind of it's own, though the conclusion is pretty weak - sorry. **

**Thoughts/reactions to the gender? **

**Massive thank you to: Sandygirl, Sydcasy, Biihzane, LaJoyMechell, Daisyangel and Michnkicks for your reviews and a big thank you to everyone who favourited/follows/reads this story - there wouldn't be much point in writing it without you!**


	92. Chapter 92

Erin woke to the distinctive buzzing of her phone, pulsing like a heartbeat to indicate an incoming call. It was dark and she had no idea how late it was, grabbing the phone to smother the noise as she shifted out of Kelly's arms.

"Hello?" She croaked after straining her eyes, competing with the excessively bright screen to identify an unknown number.

"Erin?" A man asked in a hoarse whisper.

"Yeah?" She questioned as she got out of bed, pulling the blanket from the foot of the bed instead of searching for clothes. No idea who was calling or why they felt it necessary to do so late at night.

"I'm so sorry to call, it's me, Chase. Sorry. I need help" Chase explained in a hurried but hushed tone.

"Okay..." She prompted, finally in the hallway so she could speak a little louder.

"I don't know what to do" He replied, panic evident in his voice.

"What's going on? Where are you?" She questioned starting to worry that something was seriously wrong. He sounded terrified and out of breath, could he be running from something?

"I'm on Hawken road, I don't know where exactly. There's a convenience store across the intersection" Chase provided, trying to give her all the information he had.

"Alright, go into the store and wait for me" She instructed, a plan starting to form in her mind. "I'll be there in five minutes."

"Thank you" He finished before hanging up. Erin knew she couldn't be there in five minutes but she was definitely going to try. Rushing back into the bedroom she dropped the blanket, searching the floor with her foot to locate the clothes Kelly had torn from her body only an hour earlier. It was only just past eleven o'clock meaning a large portion of the city would still be awake. She found her underwear, jeans and Kelly's shirt quickly enough, sliding her phone into her back pocket as she ran down the stairs. Stepping into some shoes before grabbing keys and a jacket as she left the safety of her nice, warm house to help a man she barely knew. With only a vague idea where she was going it took far longer than she would have liked to get to the convenience store, there were three at intersections along Hawken road. At last she spotted Chase through the glass window, pulling up in the loading zone out the front before gesturing for him to join her in the car. Looking around nervously as he exited through the automatic glass doors.

"Hi" Erin greeted as he got into the car, dropping a bag at his feet.

"Thank you" Chase said quickly.

"Are you okay?" She questioned, looking him over carefully, he seemed alright.

"Yeah, I'm fine, sorry" He answered, pulling the seat belt on as she started to drive.

"That's okay" She nodded, knowing the perfect place to take him to talk. Chase made her think of her former self and the places she had frequented as a teen. The diner where they were headed to was the place she had met with Hank as his CI, it was cheap and dodgy but quiet and always open. Chase wasn't sure what was happening but remained silent for the duration of the trip, looking around as if he thought he might be being followed. He settled across from her in the booth, nodding at the waitress to indicate he wanted the same thing Erin had ordered. "What's going on?" She asked at last.

"I left work and went to the gym as usual. Then I went to go home, an apartment up on sixty-third, but there were police everywhere. Raiding the place for drugs" He explained softly, mindful that they weren't alone.

"Did they find anything?" She questioned, blank expression reserving judgment for the time being.

"Yeah of course" Chase nodded eagerly.

"I thought you were clean" Erin reminded.

"I am! But my roommate is a drug dealer" He tried to justify.

"Chase" She reasoned, scorn evident in her voice. They were briefly interrupted by the delivery of two steaming mugs of hot chocolate. The moment the waitress was gone Erin's eyes found his and he was forced to continue.

"I know it's bad but it's the only place I can afford. I'm in massive debt to some dealers. I lost my second job because I kept turning up late and tired" He explained frustratedly. He was trying to turn his life around and do the right thing but his past wasn't going to let go without a fight.

"So how can I help?" Erin asked, she had a plan of her own but it was his life and he needed to be in control. She let a smile flash across her face for a second as she realised she had turned into Hank. When he'd asked her the very same question all those years ago her life had changed completely. At the time she had asked for a place to stay, no idea she'd gain a family and unconditional love at the same time.

"Talk to the cops for me, tell them I'm not involved with the drugs they found. That's the truth, I'm not doing drugs" He said adamantly after thinking hard for a moment.

"I believe you" She assured.

"If my uncle finds out, or my mum, they'll never forgive me" He added desperately, he'd come close enough to prison in the past. If he got arrested for a drug offense now they probably wouldn't believe that he'd ever been clean.

"You haven't done anything wrong. I'll make some phone calls in the morning to keep it that way. Tell me more about the people you owe money" Erin requested, now concerned about the more long term issue. He couldn't continue to live with a drug dealer that much was certain.

"Just some dealers" Chase shrugged.

"Who? Where?" She led, the names were likely to be familiar. 

"I can't tell you that, it's standard procedure to blame the guy in debt if something bad happens, especially something involving cops" He argued. Things were bad enough already, if the police got involved and his name was somehow brought up he'd be killed.

"I can't help if you don't tell me everything" Erin replied, something else Hank's had said.

"I don't need help with that, just with the cops" He assured.

"Alright, we'll talk about it more in the morning anyway. Have you eaten?" She asked watching him wrap his hands around the mug of hot chocolate for the first time before taking a cautious sip. There was no way she was giving up that easily, for the present second getting him somewhere warm and safe was the priority.

"Hmm?" He asked, too focused on the warmth the beverage spread through his body to hear what she had said.

"Are you hungry?" She rephrased so it was more clear.

"No" Chase said, shaking his head as he spoke.

"Okay, finish that and we'll go" Erin instructed, pointing to the mug. She wasn't sure when she'd had the chance but she'd somehow already drained her mug.

"Go? Go Where?" He questioned nervously.

"My place" Erin answered, it seemed strange to call it that. It wasn't her place, it was a family home, shared equally with Kelly and Shay. She didn't even want to think about how she was going to explain this to them.

"You don't have to do that. I'm sorry to have called you so late. And you're pregnant. I'm an idiot. Sorry. I'm fine now" He rushed to say.

"No arguments, you're coming home with me" She insisted, channeling Hank yet again.

"You don't have to..."

"But I'm going to, it's no problem" She cut him off. At this point it was more for herself than for him, she'd never sleep if she didn't know he was safe.

"I suppose I should thank you then" Chase said softly as she placed a ten dollar bill on the table before leading him out of the diner.

"Thank you for calling me" Erin replied once they were on their way. He was shocked by the words and tried to understand them as they drove in silence. The electric gate caught his attention, definitely not the sort of thing he'd expected. As they entered the house he felt distinctly out of place, following her mindfully as she showed him the kitchen before leading the way upstairs. "Bathroom" She whispered, aware that the doors to both occupied bedrooms were open. "This is you" She added as she flicked the light switch in the guest bedroom.

"Thank you" He smiled, looking around the room, clean and warm.

"I'll get you something to wear" She added, leaving him to settle in as she ventured to room at the end of the hall, locating a plain white t-shirt and some sweat pants. Stopping in the main bathroom she added a clean towel and new toothbrush to the pile she then handed to Chase. "Anything else you might need?" She checked, looking forward to getting back to sleep.

"No, this is great. Thanks" He smiled, gratitude visible in his eyes.

"Sleep well" She nodded before leaving him, walking down the hall in the dark once his door clicked shut behind her. After checking in on Shay she was ready to sleep, closing the door before pulling off her jeans and climbing into bed. It was going to be an interesting morning so she needed as much sleep as she could get.

**Sorry it's so short but it's better than nothing and you almost didn't get a chapter today :/ I had an unexpectedly hectic day and then I spent most of my usual writing time planning instead. I'm going to do my best to get the baby here for the 100th chapter... It's going to be an effort and you'll have to forgive me for skipping ahead. I just can't wait any longer :D **


	93. Chapter 93

Kelly always liked to wake up a little bit before Erin, she always looked incredibly happy when she was asleep. He wasn't sure if it was the lopsided smile she wore or because she looked just like Shay with a hand up by her face. This morning she'd stretched her arm up over her head so her hand almost reached the opposite ear. Normally after a few minutes he'd wake her with a kiss, just to make sure he was the first thing she saw. Today her eyes opened before he had a chance to move. "I was just about to wake you" He complained, leaning forwards to kiss her anyway. She laughed, it was soft and a little croaky, the most beautiful sound in his opinion.

"Somebody beat you to it" Erin informed as she took his hand, placing it so he could feel the baby kick.

"Cheeky girl" He commented with a smile.

"Already" She laughed.

"You're so amazing" He said seriously, he'd always known it but very rarely said it. Erin gave a small smile before assuming a serious expression, she had to tell him that Chase was sleeping just down the hall. Opening her mouth to speak she was pleasantly surprised when his mouth prevented her from saying anything. She'd have to tell him eventually but in the mean time she was quite happy to reciprocate his actions. Running her tongue along his bottom lip to encourage him. He expected that they'd stop after parting to breathe but within seconds she was back. She really didn't want to ruin everything by bringing up Chase. "You okay?" He questioned, holding her face so he could catch his breath.

"Yeah. I love you" She reasoned as she tried to pull him forwards.

"I..." He started shocked into silence by a knock on the door, higher and harder than anything Shay could produce.

"Oh. Um...Don't freak out" She requested as she got out of bed, pulling on her jeans before opening the door a crack. Chase looked apologetic, Shay holding his hand and smiling.

"I was on the way to the bathroom but she spotted me"

"Ahh" Erin nodded, bending down to pick up Shay.

"Mama look Chasey!" Shay explained, pointing excitedly.

"Yeah I know" Erin said, the sooner she acknowledged what Shay had said the sooner she'd stop pointing.

"I was just going to have a shower then I can..." Chase started.

"Come downstairs for breakfast" Erin filled in, finishing with a genuinely happy smile. It looked as if he had slept well.

"You don't...thank you" He corrected himself shaking his head as he turned and made his way to the bathroom.

"Erin?" Kelly questioned when she shut the door, bracing herself for the disapproving look she was about to face. "Was that Chase?"

"Yeah. He called last night asking for help, he's going to stay with us for a few days" She explained before he had a chance to make any kind of judgment.

"What? What time did he call? Why does he need your help?" Kelly demanded as he sat up, not sure why Chase would need Erin's help specifically. Surely he could call his mother or uncle if it was something serious.

"He's just got some stuff going on. I talked to him at your party. You were asleep and I didn't want to wake you" She supplied simply.

"What sort of stuff?" He asked, though it was clear he'd already made up his mind on the matter.

"Kelly, he's on your squad why don't you want to help him?" She questioned in response. If it were any other member of his team he'd be doing anything and everything to help.

"Has this got anything to do with drugs?" He enquired softly, he almost didn't want the answer.

"Yes" She answered honestly, about to elaborate when Kelly started to speak.

"Erin, he's not staying in our house, he's not staying on my squad. I don't want him anywhere near you" He decided.

"He's staying here and he's staying on squad, if you have a problem you can leave. You don't get to make those decisions. Especially when you don't have all the information!" Erin protested angrily, ignoring Shay for the time being.

"I don't need all the information, he's a drug addict and you're my wife. My pregnant wife" He defended.

"He is not doing drugs and hasn't been for years" She argued immediately, if nothing else she wanted him to understand that. He gave a curt nod but didn't give the impression he'd changed his mind. "I'm going to go make breakfast, we can talk later" She added before leaving the room. They weren't making any progress so the safest option was to leave before either of them said something hurtful. Erin included Shay in the cooking process as much as was possible. Having her help beat the eggs and watch the toaster, talking to her all the while. Determined to make up for the heated exchange she had had to witness. Chase arrived in time to help her carry the food to the table, Kelly reluctantly joining them to eat. To say it was awkward would be an understatement. Shay was delighted to have someone else to talk to, not understanding why her father was so against it. "Chase can you keep an eye on Shay? Kelly and I need to talk" Erin requested as she got up to clear the table the moment everyone had finished eating.

"Um...sure" Chase agreed.

"Shay will show you how to use the television" Erin encouraged, putting down the plates to free Shay from her highchair. From there Shay took Chase's hand and led him through to the lounge room, babbling nonsensically as they went.

"Upstairs or outside?" Erin asked when Kelly followed her into the kitchen.

"Upstairs" He answered.

"Okay" She nodded, leading the way up into their bedroom, stepping aside to shut the door behind them.

"Erin..." He started, pacing back and forth in front of the window while she settled comfortably on the bed.

"Just listen" She instructed. "Chase is not doing drugs. He does however owe money for drugs. He's been doing everything he can to pay off his debts, working two jobs and living in a dodgy apartment with a drug dealer. The police raided the apartment last night and would have arrested him if he'd been home, he saw them and managed to avoid it. I picked him up and took him somewhere we could talk. I've just summarised the entire conversation we had. I've decided that I'm going to help him. For now that means giving him somewhere to stay and keeping an eye on him. I'll talk to Chase, properly, and try to get him to give up some names. I'm hoping that he'll decide to help and from there I'll get Hank involved. Once everything is settled I'll help him find somewhere to live and be done with it" She assured, pleased that he hadn't interrupted. It was plain to see he was having difficulty, thinking hard about the best way to respond.

"Why?" He questioned.

"Why not? He needs help and I can give it to him" She replied, it sounded stupid but it really was that simple.

"You don't owe him anything. You don't have to be his Hank" Kelly explained, expecting her to be put off by the realisation that that was what she was doing.

"You're right. I don't have to but I'd like to. He's a good person and he deserves a chance" She smiled, having reached that conclusion before she'd even left the house the previous night.

"I don't get a say in it?" He asked frustratedly.

"Of course you do. If you're really fundamentally opposed to helping someone because of who or what they used to be then you can ask him to leave. That would be quite hypocritical though, considering you're married to me" Erin reasoned, it was hard not to see him as a reflection of herself. She had the opportunity to do some good and had never been the type of person to turn that down.

"Do you really want him around Shay?" Kelly enquired.

"You've spent more time with him than I have. If you forget about his history and make the call based on the person on your squad what do you think?" She asked, seriously asking him for his opinion on the matter. Though she knew Kelly wouldn't have left Shay downstairs with Chase if he seriously had any doubts.

"He's a great kid with plenty of potential. He loves making her laugh just as much as the rest of the guys" He shrugged, hating that she was right.

"Exactly" She nodded.

"He's staying then, but I'd like you to talk to Hank today" He accepted as he moved to sit next to her, feeling foolish to have wasted so much energy disagreeing.

"Thank you" She whispered, moving to hug him.

"I'm sorry" He replied. They stayed in each others arms for a long time, until the laughter from downstairs made them feel like they were missing out. Hand in hand they headed downstairs, finding Chase and Shay racing toy cars across every available surface. The sound effects where what made it, one making traditional car noises while the other provided a range of animal noises, accompanied by movements and expressions. The moment Chase noticed them watching he froze, the roar he had been providing died off and he suddenly looked very nervous.

"Mama!" Shay smiled as she looked around to see why he had stopped.

"What have you been doing?" Erin asked Shay enthusiastically, smiling at Chase until he gave one in return.

"Chasey chasey brum brum" Shay explained proudly, holding up the small red car she had been playing with.

"Car racing" Chase provided, putting the blue car down on the coffee table.

"And who won?"

"Shay did" Chase decided as Shay used her car to send his flying across the room.

"You take her to playgroup" Erin instructed Kelly, who was happy to comply. Once they were on their way up the stairs Erin turned her attention back to Chase. "Do you want to sit down?"

"Okay" He agreed, taking the end of couch nearest where he stood.

"Chase, we're fine with you staying here for as long as you need. In return we need you to give any names you can think of to the police" She explained.

"When?" He asked anxiously.

"Today. I'll make a phone call and organise it" Erin informed, hoping it wasn't too much too soon.

"With Hank Voight?"

"Yeah" She nodded.

"He hates me" Chase frowned.

"I'm sure he doesn't, I'll talk to him" She assured, hoping it wouldn't be too hard. It was certainly far more difficult that she anticipated. They left just after Kelly and Shay but didn't return until mid-afternoon. At first they had had to get around the acting desk Sergeant, an infuriatingly strict man who made Platt seem sickly sweet and helpful. Then they had to wait forever for the intelligence unit to even turn up. Then Erin had left Chase in the break room with Nadia while she had a quick chat with Hank, at least that was how it started.

"You cannot be serious Erin, that kid is dangerous. Russ probably told you he assaulted a police officer, it was three actually. Put one in a coma for two weeks after pushing him down the stairs, broke another guys arm and gave the third a black eye. And he tried to punch me" Voight yelled, thankful for his thick office walls.

"I'm still not seeing the problem. When I punched you, you took me home to live with your family! Chase tries to punch you and you're never going to forgive him? He wasn't even himself at the time, you know that" Erin argued just as loudly.

"That's no excuse. He has an issue with authority figures" Hank tried to reason, lowering his voice somewhat.

"And I didn't? Are you going to help or not? Because I'll figure it out myself if you don't" She questioned.

"Erin he isn't you! You're wasting your time!" He decided.

"How many people told you that you were wasting your time on me?" She asked flatly, she'd overheard dozens of conversations so he couldn't deny it.

"Erin"

"How many?" She repeated determinedly.

"That's different" He argued, trying to protect her from the harsh truth. Everyone had told him not to bother, that she wouldn't change no matter how hard he tried, everyone except Camille.

"How many?" She pressed.

"More than I could count" He shrugged at last.

"Don't be one of them. I know Chase has changed, he just needs a little bit of help to put everything behind him for good. That's all I'm asking" She explained.

"Fine, but I'm doing this for you not him" He conceded after taking a moment to think.

"Thank you" She nodded before stepping out of the office for a moment, ignoring the questioning looks of her former colleagues. "Chase" She called, drawing his attention before waving him into the office. The tension was palpable but Chase did all he could, providing names, addresses and all of the details he remembered. Hank in turn vowed full disclosure, going through the list of names and eliminating those who owed him something. It was just a matter of making some phone calls and their list had halved.

"Narcotics are planning something big with Keiko and we'll handle the other two" He assured.

"Thank you" Chase provided dutifully.

"I'll call you when I'm done" Hank concluded, ignoring Chase now that he no longer had any useful information. Erin smiled and moved across the room, hugging him in an attempt to show her appreciation.

* * *

"Could you pass the salt?" Hank asked begrudgingly.

"Sure" Chase smiled happy to oblige or rather happy to annoy the old man with his willingness to be helpful.

"Got any plans for the weekend?" Erin asked when the silence started to get to her again, it was difficult to spark conversation when some of the people at the table weren't speaking to each other. It had taken Hank and the intelligence unit eight days to set Chase free from his debt. In order to thank him Erin had invited him over for dinner, unaware that Chase and Russ would also be present.

"It's open day at the academy" Russ answered.

"That sounds fun" Kelly asked, genuinely interested.

"Yeah, the recruits all bring their families to show off the fun stuff" Russ informed. "You wanna come Chase?"

"Nah, I've got to look for somewhere to live" Chase mumbled, he didn't want to leave but he couldn't stay. While Erin, and eventually Kelly, had made every effort to make him feel like it he wasn't part of their family. It was wrong to continue to impose, she'd fulfilled her end of the agreement so he had to do the same.

"You have thanked Erin haven't you?" Russ was quick to ask.

"He has, every five minutes since he got here" Erin jumped in, earning a smile from both men. She left a long pause then asked "Hank?"

"The usual" He grumbled.

"What about you?" Russ asked looking across at their hosts.

"I don't think we have anything planned..." Erin answered, looking across at Kelly in case she'd forgotten something.

"I'm going to take Shay skating" Kelly provided.

"You should come then Erin, I know they're still looking for a guest speaker" Russ requested hopefully.

"Ha" She laughed before realising he was serious. "No, I don't do speeches. I wouldn't know what to talk about and I'm not even a department employee at the moment" She justified.

"You are, just not actively" Hank corrected unhelpfully.

"Talk about whatever you want" Russ added.

"You should do it" Kelly encouraged when she looked to him for support, her hand quickly leaving his leg when he made things worse.

"I think I'll just help Chase" Erin said, looking at him desperately.

"Yeah, I don't really know what I'm doing" Chase agreed after making eye contact.

"I think it would be a nice change to have a female speaker, one who knows what she's on about anyway" Russ suggested wistfully.

"I don't have time to write something worth saying" She reasoned, not sure how much clearer she could make her refusal.

"You don't need to write a fancy speech, just talk" Hank suggested.

"For how long?" She asked, more to highlight how unreasonable it was with such little notice than to bring them false hope.

"Half an hour" Russ provided, though they were supposed to be hour long sessions with fifteen minutes of questions and answered.

"You can talk for that long" Hank assured with great certainty.

"I'll think about it" She resigned. It had been much easier when Russ and Hank weren't talking, now they were colluding against her and she wished she'd never invited them.

"Shay and I will come to watch if you do it" Kelly smiled despite her murderous glare.

"I'm not going to do it" Erin said finally. Nineteen hours later she stood in front of a hall full of people and made a speech. Loosely focusing on the attributes of good police. Whenever she felt she was losing momentum she integrated a story, somehow speaking for fifty minutes without even realising. Stepping off the stage at the end to thunderous applause was quite baffling, she'd only really been speaking to the five people in the front row: Shay, Kelly, Hank, Russ and Chase. They looked strange all standing together two old cops, two firemen and a toddler in a dragon costume, they were her family and she'd done it for them.

**I could have developed the Chase storyline further (over several chapters) but you all seem keen to meet the new baby so I'm focusing on that. It's pretty much smooth sailing from here on out :D I don't think I'll be able to update tomorrow though - sorry :/ **


	94. Chapter 94

The sound of the front door opening made Erin jump unnecessarily, it was just Kelly arriving home. He took off his coat and shoes as usual then proceeded through to the lounge room to see what he'd been missing. Both Erin and Chase had their eyes fixed on the television screen, scared to blink for fear of missing a single frame. Kelly;s eyes were drawn to the bowl of melted ice cream on the coffee table, connecting it with his unusually pale wife he started to worry that she was unwell.

"Hey" She mumbled softly, tilting her head to the side and wincing as screams filled the room.

"What are you watching?" Kelly questioned, putting aside his concern as he linked her discolouration to the blood and gore on the screen. He moved to sit down while waiting for an answer.

"A movie" She provided simply.

"About Vikings" Chase added, looking enthusiastically from Kelly to the screen as an arm was viciously hacked off by an axe wielding Norseman. Noting the particularly realistic special effects Kelly internally questioned why Erin was watching the movie, she definitely didn't look like she was enjoying it.

"I'm going to have a shower then head to bed" Kelly said, pulling her into a sideways hug.

"Okay" She nodded.

"You don't have to watch this" He whispered, providing an escape route if she felt trapped.

"It's just a movie" She shrugged as she clutched the cushion tighter, it was tucked under her chin, arms crossed over to hold it tight. Almost as if she were lost at sea and it was the only thing keeping her afloat.

"Don't stay up too late, big day tomorrow" He concluded, kissing her cheek before getting up.

"Sleep well" She smiled. He wondered if she actually expected him to sleep without her, after a long hot shower he'd sit in bed and wait for her. Every time Erin felt confident the worst of it was over something horrible would happen, Chase seemed completely unaffected no matter how bad it got so she persisted.

"That was awesome" Chase commented the moment the credits started to roll.

"Yeah" Erin agreed enthusiastically, looking forward to cuddling close to Kelly and forgetting everything she had seen. Unfortunately it wasn't that easy, from the moment she got into bed she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep.

"You alright?" He questioned as she held him as close as she could considering her ever expanding belly. Fistfuls of his shirt made her feel slightly better.

"I shouldn't have watched the movie" She admitted, hating the 'I told you so' look he gave.

"It wasn't real" He tried to comfort, brushing back the hair that fell in front of her eyes.

"It looked real. Trust me I've seen decapitated bodies" She challenged.

"Why did you watch it?" Kelly asked her seriously.

"Chase wanted to..."

"Why is he even still living here? It's been a month" He questioned, they'd talked about it numerous times and he had always agreed to let Chase stay on. He was just frustrated with Chase for interfering with Erin's ability to sleep.

"You said you were okay with it..." She complained before hiding her face in his shoulder.

"Just try to think about tomorrow" He suggested, rubbing her back soothingly.

"Why did you go to Molly's?" She asked a little while later, Kelly had thought she was falling asleep so hearing that she was awake made him groan. That was before he even started to think about what she had said.

"Are you trying to make this my fault?" He questioned, narrowing his eyes.

"Well it kind of is. If you were here I never would have watched it" She reasoned playfully.

"Because I wouldn't have let you" He agreed.

"Exactly, you protect me from stuff like that" She nodded, holding him tighter still.

"Alright, I'm sorry for going to Molly's and I'm sorry that I didn't protect you from the movie. It's time to sleep now so shush" Kelly instructed gently, thankful when she did as she was told. For a few minutes.

"I feel bad" Erin whispered.

"Mmm?" He asked, though at this point he didn't care what she said, all he wanted was to get some sleep.

"We should have done something on Thursday" She elaborated.

"We're doing something big tomorrow instead, it was your decision. Tomorrow is her birthday" He replied firmly.

"But it's not, Thursday was her birthday and we did nothing. We're terrible parents" She decided dramatically.

"No we aren't Shay is going to have a great birthday tomorrow, as long as you go to sleep now" He said earning a few seconds of silence.

"I can't believe she's two already" She sighed.

"We've had two amazing years, watching her grow from a tiny helpless baby. Now she can walk and talk, and skate, she's almost swimming..."

"She's almost fully toilet trained" Erin contributed to the list, proud of her most recent achievement. She couldn't take all the credit though: Cindy had been extremely helpful and the tiny Blaze underwear Kelly had bought were exactly what had been needed to get Shay interested.

"And she's going to be an amazing big sister" He added.

"Yeah she is" Erin agreed. Kelly thought about saying something in response but decided against it, thankful when the silence lengthened and her breathing became deep and even. Hours later Kelly woke with a start as something wet spread across his chest. Once he'd identified what was happening he spent what felt like forever trying to find a solution that didn't involve waking her.

"Babe, you're dribbling on me" Kelly whispered as he squeezed her arm, finally coming to the conclusion there was no way around it. "Erin"

"Hm?"

"You're dribbling" He repeated gently.

"Sorry" She replied sleepily as she rolled over onto her own pillow. Getting back to sleep wasn't an issue seeing as she'd hardly woken up. They both slept soundly until at seven o'clock on the dot Shay entered the room.

"Mama?" Shay asked as she climbed onto the bed.

"Shh" Erin instructed.

"Mama wake up!" Shay demanded, crawling until she was right next to her mother's face.

"It's sleepy time" Erin grumbled before pulling the sheet up to hide her face. Shay sat stumped for a moment then a deep sigh gained her attention.

"Daddy?" She asked, looking over to see him awake and smiling.

"Good morning my beautiful big girl" He greeted, pulling Shay onto his chest so he could kiss each of her rosy cheeks.

"Shhh!" Erin hissed, hoping to discourage him from interacting. Usually if they ignored her they could get an extra twenty minutes of sleep.

"Mama can't sleep on your birthday" He reminded loudly, Erin had expressed her concerns but now seemed to value sleep more than celebrating Shay's birthday.

"Mama birfday?" Shay questioned, clapping her hands excitedly as she looked across at the back of her mother's head.

"It's your birthday princess, you're a big girl now" Kelly explained enthusiastically.

"Big girl?" She asked, seeking approval and clarification.

"Yeah, you're two years old" He enthused.

"Big girl two?" Shay queried using the words he had put the most emphasis on.

"Mhmm" Kelly nodded as he wordlessly encouraged Shay to repeat what she had said for her mother.

"Mama I big girl two" She said, somewhat hesitant despite her father signaling it was okay.

"Really? Do you need special big girl cuddles?" Erin asked as she rolled over, deciding that she couldn't deny her precious princess Shay the birthday cuddles she deserved.

"Yes" Shay nodded excited that her mother was now awake, leaping into her mother's arms the moment they were extended. "Baby!" She complained, frustrated by the way the growing baby was impeding her ability to hug properly. In an attempt to fix the problem Erin sat up, the movement sparking a series of stretches from the baby.

"Your baby sister wants to say happy birthday" Erin explained, as she positioned Shay's hands to feel the tiny hands and feet pushing against her skin.

"Baby birfday?" Shay questioned curiously, finding the concept of birthday's hard to understand.

"The baby's birthday isn't for a few months. Today is all about you" Kelly smiled, kissing Shay's cheek before resting his head on her shoulder and placing his hand over hers.

"What do you want for breakfast birthday girl?" Erin asked, wanting to devote the day entirely to Shay.

"Breakfast" Shay nodded.

"Yeah?" Erin prompted with a nod.

"Bacon cake?" Shay suggested hopefully.

"Bacon pancakes?"

"Pizza" She added.

"And pizza?"

"Yoghurt" She concluded happily.

"Bacon pancakes, pizza and yoghurt?" Erin checked, wanting to make sure there was nothing else she wanted to add to the list.

"You'll be a big girl if you eat all of that" Kelly laughed.

"Mummy has an idea" Erin smiled, throwing back the covers to get up.

"You're not seriously going to?" He demanded immediately.

"You'll see" Erin supplied as she pulled on her dressing gown. "It's her birthday" She reasoned with a laugh.

"Let's go" He said as he lifted Shay and climbed out of bed himself, tossing her over his shoulder to carry her downstairs. Shay shrieked with laughter as he tickled her feet, finally putting her down on the kitchen bench. She knew she wasn't allowed to stand so she sat down, watching as her parents assembled ingredients. Kelly simply followed Erin's lead, not sure what she had in mind. Having a shadow on a delay was annoying so after a few minutes he was banished from the kitchen, going to feed and let Sooty out with Shay's help. Not five minutes after Kelly left Chase arrived, being sent on his way before he even made it into the room.

"Breakfast is ready" Erin called half an hour later, hearing the television turn off before three sets of footsteps approached. All three faces made the same surprised and confused expression when they saw what she had made. Using the bacon pancakes as pizza bases she had added tomato paste, pineapple, more diced bacon and cheese, to turn them into pizza's.

"Yes Mama!" Shay beamed, extending her hands for the plate. Erin ignored the questioning looks of the two men while she took Shay through to the dining room.

"There are normal pancakes there if you don't want to eat them" Erin explained when she returned to the kitchen to find they still hadn't moved.

"I...we were actually just saying that you're a genius. Like seriously they look brilliant" Chase was quick to explain.

"They might taste terrible though" She reasoned before handing them each a plate with one of her creations to sample. Erin served herself one, rolled a plain bacon pancake with peanut butter then joined them to eat, Shay had already finished most of her pancake-pizza. When Kelly went to the kitchen to get another he brought Shay back a tub of yoghurt and a spoon. She wasn't hungry but she still managed to eat half of the faintly pink yoghurt before giving up and playing with it instead. Pouring it from the spoon to the tub with intense concentration to make sure it was a continuous flow. Erin left Kelly with instruction to make more, two simply wasn't enough, while she took Shay upstairs to get dressed. They weren't a birthday present as such but Erin was keen for Shay to wear her brand new denim overalls. Shay chose a stripy purple and green long sleeved shirt to wear with them, playing with the clasps before they were even done up. Her small high ponytail decorated with a purple ribbon.

"Wings?" Shay requested.

"You're going to need those" Erin nodded, unhooking the purple fairy wings from the door handle before helping Shay put them on. With the addition of green socks and her purple leather work boots Shay looked like a very sensible fairy. "Do you want to go play with Daddy while Mama gets ready?"

"No" Shay answered content to sit and 'read' her current favourite library book, full of incredibly detailed illustrations of fairies.

"Stay here then" Erin instructed before leaving the room, starting to think about what to wear. Twenty minutes later Kelly entered the bedroom to find her still looking hopefully into the wardrobe.

"You okay?" He questioned, knowing they didn't have long to get ready if they were to arrive on time.

"I don't know what to wear" She complained, there really weren't that many options because she wasn't big enough to justify most of her maternity wear.

"Wear what you always wear" He suggested.

"One of your shirts and some leggings? I don't think so" She laughed, it was her unofficial uniform.

"Why not? If that's comfortable" He questioned, not seeing why it mattered.

"You're not helping" She informed flatly, narrowing her options down to three dresses or two shirts that went with her elasticated jeans.

"You look beautiful in absolutely anything so it doesn't matter what you choose" He replied encouragingly, pleased when she selected a dress and pulled it on. "Chase wants to come"

"Really? You told him where we're going and what we're doing and he wants to come?" She asked, baffled as to why the young man would want to join them.

"Yeah, I said he could" He answered, now fully dressed in jeans an a red polo shirt.

"Okay" Erin agreed, stepping into the bathroom for a minute before checking the time and ushering everyone downstairs. Once everyone had shoes, hats and jackets on they made their way to the car, Chase putting Shay in the back as he usually did. The drive was short but full of excited conversation, Shay growing more and more excited for her surprise. They hadn't been to the botanic gardens since their wedding and it had changed considerably, plants that hadn't been were now in bloom and several sections had been landscaped differently. They followed the small crowd, composed of small children wearing fairy wings and their parents, and eventually reached their destination. Several large stairs had been cut into the hill and covered with grass, facing a large stage at the bottom. They made their way down until they were suitably close and settled in just as the performance began. A local dance troupe were putting on a fairy themed dance show every morning throughout the school holidays.

"Mama look" Shay ordered the moment the first dancer stepped onto the stage.

"I'm looking" Erin answered.

"Daddy, Chasey you look" Shay added firmly before getting comfortable on her father's lap. She remained silent for the next half hour, thoroughly enchanted by the graceful fairies. At the end of the show the children were invited to the front to interact with the performers, to Erin's surprise Chase volunteered to take Shay.

"Do you think she's happy?" Erin asked Kelly thoughtfully.

"I know she is, look at that smile" He replied confidently, timed perfectly with Shay turning back to wave at them, a massive grin on her face. It only grew wider when Chase lifted her to touch the 'real' fairy's wings.

"Are you happy?"

"Very, are you?" He asked in return, turning to look at her properly.

"Yes" She assured.

"Then what's wrong?" He wondered, not quite understanding where the questions were coming from.

"Nothing. I guess it's just been a while since anything bad happened" She explained, not sure why she was worried that they were approaching a record breaking period of happiness.

"That's a good thing, we're allowed to just be happy" He comforted, pulling her into his side with an arm around her shoulders. They looked at each other for a long time, thinking about the ups and downs in their roller coaster of a life together.

"Mama!" Shay yelled as she raced towards them, she was definitely an up.

"Did you talk to the fairies?" Erin asked.

"Yes and she has wings" Shay beamed.

"Like yours?"

"No. Big"

"Bigger than yours because she's a bigger fairy?" Erin questioned encouragingly.

"Yes. She big fairy princess" Shay agreed as she tried to sit still while her father bent her wing back into the correct shape.

"And you're a little fairy princess"

"Little big girl two fairy princess" Shay corrected.

"Does my little big fairy princess want to look at the flowers?" Erin asked, pointing down a path, it wasn't the way they had come but looped around to the car park so Shay didn't associate it with going home. Shay ran ahead, pointing out the prettiest flowers while Kelly, Erin and Chase chatted as they followed. They had to bribe her to get her in the car, offering 'fairy food' if she was a good girl. A morning tea of strawberries, raspberries and grapes fit the criteria and re-energized Shay ready for watering the garden with her Daddy. The flowers in the front yard had been such a success that Kelly had planted some in the back yard as well. They had a light lunch, leaving plenty of room for party food then tried to get Shay to nap.

"Big girl no sleepy" Shay told her parents firmly.

"Big girls have sleeps, Mama has sleeps" Erin explained with a smile.

"No! I no sleepy" She argued. Erin saw her own look of determination reflected on Shay's face and knew she wasn't going to give in easily.

"Please Shay, no more surprises unless you have a sleep" Erin threatened, feeling stupid the moment she said it. Empty threats weren't going to help her learn.

"But no Mama" Shay refused.

"Then you have to read your book instead" Erin proposed, if she just sat still long enough she'd surely fall asleep. "Big girls read books..."

"Yes. Okay. Fairy book" Shay agreed at last.

"You're so good at that" Kelly laughed as they made their way downstairs.

"So are you. I have to go pick up the cake" She realised as she checked the time.

"Do you want me to come?" He questioned, following her through to the kitchen for a drink of water then back towards the front door.

"No, you should stay and start working out how we're going to transport the presents and food" She decided after thinking on it for a moment. The drive gave her time to think, making sure that everything was organised so the party would run smoothly. The cake looked better than she had expected, the numeral two decorated with rainbow stripes and spots, and she hoped Shay would like it. Erin almost dropped the cake the moment she left the store, a familiar face getting far too close as they collided. Her first priority was to take a step back assessing the damage, or lack thereof, before looking up to see the moment her mother recognised her.

"Erin" Bunny announced, evidently surprised.

"Seriously?" Erin asked, exhaling sharply as she looked down. The clinking of glass bottles had caught her attention but she wasn't surprised to see two bottles of wine though the thin plastic bag. She almost wanted to laugh, if it wasn't as far from funny as was possible. Supposedly sober.

"No, I'm not drinking. These are for the dinner party Johnny and I are hosting" Bunny rushed to explain.

"I don't know why you think I care, because I don't" Erin replied turning to walk away.

"Erin wait!" Bunny called. Erin didn't know why she stopped but she did, giving her mother a very serious look before nodding to encourage her to speak. "Erin, congratulations. How's Shay?"

"Fine" Erin supplied reluctantly.

"I hate missing her birthday's" Bunny said sadly, though Erin had no idea why.

"You never seemed to care about mine" She challenged, wishing there was some other way. They always did this and it never achieved anything. Her firm beliefs that people could change didn't mean she was stupid enough to have endless forgiveness.

"Erin, I've changed" Bunny reminded frustratedly. How many times could she be expected to apologise?

"Good for you" Erin nodded, sounding genuinely pleased but entirely disinterested.

"Oh! You married him? The nice fireman" Bunny grinned when she noticed the ring.

"Yeah"

"I wish I could have been there, I bet you looked beautiful" The older woman gushed with pride she didn't deserve to feel.

"You made the choice not to be a part of my life" Erin replied with a small smile, it might have been seen as rude but she honestly didn't care.

"And I regret that everyday" Bunny assured, reaching for Erin's arm. Her hand fell short as the younger woman took a step back.

"Not my problem" Erin shrugged before walking away, this time she didn't stop when her name was called. Once she was safely in her car she checked the cake,then took a moment to calm down prior to starting the car. By the time she got home she had wiped the chance encounter from her memory, channeling all her energy into making sure Shay had a great day. Kelly had been successful and they were packed and ready to go. They just had to wait for Shay to wake up, from the nap she had been determined she didn't need, and they could leave. The frown on Shay's face lasted a grand total of five seconds replaced by a smile when her father announced they were off for another surprise. This time the route was familiar and Shay knew where they were going before their destination was in sight. The sign on the indoor play center door said closed but it wasn't locked and they made their way inside, Chase occupying Shay by requesting a tour while her parents worked to set up the table along the far wall, food at one end and gifts at the other. The moment they finished the Herrmann's arrived, with enough children to make it feel like the party had started. From there it was a steady stream of arrivals, considerably fewer guests than had been at Kelly's party, friends with children and family only. Erin hadn't expected that quite so many of the adults would want to play as well but it was entertaining to watch them struggle in the small spaces designed for children. Kevin almost got stuck in the slide which gave Kelly and Matt the opportunity to tell a story about a water slide rescue they had conducted recently. They didn't have a very large audience with only Hank and Russ paying attention. Erin, Cindy, Gabby, Sharron and Sam had started their own conversation in a small circle off to the side. They all agreed that having married men who were still children at heart was both a blessing and a curse.

"So have you got everything ready for the baby yet?" Gabby questioned.

"No, other than clothes I haven't really done anything" Erin admitted, she knew Gabby had been ready for Aiden since the very first ultrasound, they were very different people.

"You've still got a few months" Cindy smiled, rightfully possessing the most laid back approach.

"I'm not worried" She nodded.

"Is Chase going to stick around?" Gabby asked uncertainly, she hadn't returned to work so she had no first hand experiences with the young squad member.

"That's up to him" Erin shrugged, it would be nice to have an extra pair of hands and he had proven himself capable of caring for Shay on many occasions. He was also an incredibly kind and thoughtful person, often preparing dinner for his host family and always cleaning up after himself. At this point Erin would be happy for him to stay forever.

"Have you named the baby yet?" Sam asked, hoping to move the conversation back to a topic she was familiar with.

"We've been narrowing down the options" Erin answered thinking that they should probably spend more time on it.

"You'll know when you find it" Cindy assured.

"I hope so, we didn't really have to think about it last time" She reminded, thinking back to how easy it had been to name Shay. It was a good name by itself, short and sweet, but preserving the memory of a truly incredible woman made it even more significant.

"How is Shay feeling about the baby this week?" Sharron asked, well aware of Shay's frequent fluctuations of opinion. Only seeing Shay at yoga, regularly frustrated that her favourite positions had been altered or replaced to accommodate the thing living within her mother.

"She was annoyed this morning because it gets in the way of cuddles but she loves feeling it kick"

"That was the best part, he was too lazy to move very much though" Gabby shared, smiling down at Aiden who slept in her arms.

"He's so relaxed" Sam commented.

"It's great" Gabby nodded.

"I've been meaning to arrange a time to get together, Shay needs to spend some time around a baby so she has some idea what to expect" Erin told Gabby. They agreed to figure it out later as Chase and Jay arrived to explain that they really ought to have cake now. It was considerably more traumatic for Shay than they had expected, first everyone sang at her and then she blew out the candles only to realise the fascinating flickering flames weren't coming back. The cake made up for it though, rainbow on the inside as well as the outside. After washing the colouring from her hands Shay was allowed to open presents, still more excited by the packaging than the presents. Toys, books, art supplies and clothes were all thoughtful and highly appreciated. The pace of play slowed as the afternoon progressed. Kelly tossed a packet of small candy bars into the ball pit which temporarily hyped them up, though the resultant sugar high didn't last long and the party came to a close shortly after. Shay looked like she was about to fall asleep but kept herself awake by helping to clean up, her role mostly involved eating the last of things so the empty containers could be stacked together.

"Would you like another present Shay?" Chase asked seriously in the last possible moment before they moved to the car.

"Please" Shay nodded, knowing manners made presents arrive faster. Chase produced a small rectangular present, wrapped neatly with with pink roses on the paper. Shay didn't appreciate the paper nearly as much as Erin, standing with Kelly a little further back to watch.

"Help?" Chase asked when Shay struggled with the contents a medium sized black velvet box.

"Yes" Shay agreed, handing it over so he could open it for her, producing something small and gold. By now Erin was beyond curious, moving closer to get a better look as Chase did the bracelet up around Shay's wrist. "Pretty Chasey, thank you" Shay said, standing on the table to give him a hug.

"What is it Shay?" Erin questioned once he put her down.

"Pretty" Shay explained as she extended her arm, the small gold bracelet was engraved with her name, followed by the tiny outline of a crown. At first it didn't make sense but then Erin remembered how insistent Shay had been that Chase had to call her princess when he'd first moved in.

"Chase, it's beautiful. You didn't have to" Erin was quick to say, after hugging Chase herself. He didn't say anything, just giving her the look she gave every time he thanked her. Kelly had a look and thanked Chase as well before they gathered everything and made their way home. They woke Shay for dinner then followed her to bed straight afterward. The day had been everything Erin and Kelly had hoped for.

**That was fun to write :D**


	95. Chapter 95

"G'mornin' Mama!" Shay greeted as she walked confidently into the room, that Roary was tucked under her arm and her hair wild the only suggestions she'd been sleeping only minutes ago.

"Good morning Shay" Erin smiled, already sitting up in bed reading the news on her phone.

"Mornin' Baby" Shay added as she climbed up walking on her knees across the bed until she was close enough to pat the baby.

"She's still sleeping" Erin explained as Shay felt her belly for the baby's normal morning acrobatics.

"Why?" Shay demanded.

"Because she stayed up late kicking" She informed, rather thankful that the baby was having a rest.

"Mama why baby kick? I no allowed kick" Shay questioned thoughtfully.

"The baby's kicking because it wants to come out" Erin improvised, not sure how else to justify the baby's behaviour.

"Why?" Shay asked curiously.

"Because she's hasn't got much room" Erin answered, raising her eyebrows as she waited for Shay's next question.

"I have yoghurt breakfast? Please" Shay requested.

"Only if you eat your banana as well"

"I eat nana" Shay vowed with a serious nod.

"Let's go" Erin nooded, picking up Shay as she got up.

"No, I walk" Shay argued, twisting around until her mother put her down.

"Okay then, lead the way."

"Mama?" Shay asked when they reached the top of the stairs, carefully holding the railing as she took the first step.

"Yes?" Erin questioned, never sure what to expect.

"Baby eat nana?" Shay wondered, not sure it was fair that she had to eat one if the baby didn't.

"Not yet"

"When?"

"Well after she's born she'll need to grow for a bit before she can eat banana" Erin explained, smiling at the two year old's endless curiosity.

"Why?"

"Because babies don't eat banana straight away."

"What baby eat for breakfast?"

"You've got a lot of questions today" Erin provided instead of an answer, getting some bowls out of the cupboard before serving yoghurt and cutting banana.

"Yes" Shay nodded, silent for a little while as she watched to make sure the banana was the way she liked it. "Mama?"

"Yes Shay?" Erin sighed.

"Baby play hide seek?" She asked, reaching up to pull her mother's shirt back so she could look more closely.

"What do you mean?"

"Baby come out hide?" Shay rephrased.

"The baby is hiding now but she'll come out soon" Erin explained with a smile. Shay's interest in the baby had steadily increased until now it seemed to be the only thing on her mind most of the time.

"Why soon? I founded her why not she come out?" Shay asked, seriously confused that the baby wasn't playing fair.

"She's not quite ready yet"

"Why?"

"Shay you can ask more questions after breakfast" Erin said firmly, pointing to the barely touched bowl of yoghurt.

"But why Mama?"

"Because once you've eaten we need to go to yoga. Then we're going to play at Caity's house. We'll come home for lunch and a sleep..." She started to explain.

"I no sleepy" Shay protested immediately.

"You will be. When you wake up we'll be able to decorate the cupcakes and then we're going to visit Aunty Gabby and baby Aiden" Erin finished, usually Monday afternoons were spent watching movies but visiting Gabby and Aiden was something she'd been trying to arrange for a long time.

"Baby?" Shay questioned, already smiling.

"Yes a baby" Erin nodded.

"She eat cupcake?" Shay asked, not so keen on sharing more than she had to.

"Aiden is a boy and he doesn't eat cupcakes yet"

"Why?"

"Keep eating please" Erin instructed, Shay was beating her own personal best when it came to asking questions. No longer content with simple answers she demanded as much information as she could get.

"Finish!" Shay announced proudly holding out the bowl.

"There's still some in there."

"No" Shay argued with a frown.

"Here you go" Erin said as she scooped the remaining yoghurt onto Shay's spoon before feeding it to her.

"Finish" Shay smiled, dribbling yoghurt in the process.

"Alright, up and brush your teeth then show me what you want to wear" Erin instructed, helping Shay down from her chair.

"Wings!" Shay yelled in response as she ran off.

"No wings at yoga" Erin called back as she cleared away their dishes before following Shay upstairs. Arriving in time to put the toothpaste on her toothbrush, it had to be kept far out of Shay's reach now that she knew how to get it open. They negotiated extensively before Shay finally agreed to leave the wings at home. Erin threw on some clothes, grabbed the container of biscuits from the kitchen and rushed them out the door. Yoga was kept short to allow everyone time to socialise, it was the last session because the weather was starting to get worse. Shay fell asleep in the car on the way home after running around with Caitlin for almost two hours. It wasn't long before they were on their way again, this time off to spend the afternoon with Gabby and Aiden.

"Where we goin'?" Shay asked in the silence between songs.

"To Gabby's house" Erin answered before remembering that Shay had never been there before.

"Why?" Shay said, more because it was her automatic response than because she actually wanted to know.

"To meet the baby" Erin reminded.

"Baby boy?" Shay checked, remembering the conversation.

"Yes the baby boy, Aiden"

"Okay" Shay agreed, she didn't have a choice but it was nice to know that she was okay with it. Erin had fully been expecting another why so it was quite a relief to hear something else. They arrived and Gabby welcomed them in, surprised by how quiet Shay could be in an unfamiliar environment.

"Did you help to make the cupcakes Shay?" Gabby asked, trying to encourage Shay to speak.

"Mhm" Shay nodded, clinging to the leg of her mother's pants as she looked around the room.

"Are they pink for your baby sister?"

"Baby boy" Shay corrected.

"We're here to visit the baby boy" Erin nodded.

"I'll go get him" Gabby smiled as she stood up.

"Don't wake him for us" Erin was quick to say, not wanting to interfere with their routine when Gabby was doing her a favour.

"He's been awake for the last twenty minutes, I usually let him play until he gets hungry enough to cry" Gabby explained proudly.

"Why?" Shay questioned as soon as Gabby had left the room.

"She's going to get Aiden, the baby" Erin informed, lifting Shay onto her lap for a moment.

"Why?"

"Because he wants to meet you..."

"He certainly does" Gabby agreed, bouncing Aiden so he gave a gummy grin. "Would you like to say hello?" She asked when she'd sat down, gesturing for Shay to come have a look. Shay waited for the nod of approval from her mother before getting any closer.

"Hello" Shay whispered as she looked at the strange small person, she'd seen him before but never when he was awake.

"He wants to hold your hand" Gabby explained when Aiden started reaching for her. Shay was hesitant at first but his small hand gripped hers firmly, drawing it towards his mouth while kicking her arm with his little feet.

"Baby allowed to kick" Shay announced as she used her free hand to touch his foot.

"Yes he's allowed to kick" Erin confirmed. Shay smiled and laughed as she played with his small hands and feet, trying to avoid letting him suck her fingers. It was inevitable that Aiden would eventually tire of the game and cry but Erin hadn't expected Shay to start crying as well.

"He's okay" Gabby assured as Shay quickly backed away bottom lip quivering as tears welled in her eyes.

"Babies can't talk so they cry" Erin explained as Shay cuddled into her side.

"He's telling me he's hungry" Gabby added, wanting to make sure that Shay knew she wasn't to blame before she went to the kitchen to get him a bottle. While she was away Erin calmed Shay down.

"My baby don't cry" Shay justified, placing her ear against her mother's stomach to check.

"She will though" Erin explained.

"Not my fault" Shay whined, threatening to cry again.

"No it's not your fault, you're being a good girl and you're going to be a good big sister" Erin assured, confident that Shay's reaction was a good sign, it meant she cared.

"My baby sleeping?" Shay asked.

"You want to feel her?" Erin questioned in return.

"Yes please Mama" Shay nodded, placing her hand either side of the belly before waiting. Erin just had to sit up straight to make the baby move, kicking in protest.

"Better?" Erin asked.

"Yes" Shay nodded, giving the baby a gentle pat before going to look at the bookshelf.

"Shay, would you like to help feed Aiden?" Gabby asked when she reentered the room, glad to see that Shay was no longer crying. Only after Erin demonstrated holding the bottle did Shay agree, being extra cautious now that she knew what he was capable of. Aiden didn't cry again all afternoon. After he'd drained the bottle and been burped he'd joined Shay on the floor to play until he fell asleep. Shay's good behaviour was rewarded with a pink cupcake and plenty of praise from both adults. Erin and Gabby agreed to meet again when their busy schedules permitted.


	96. Chapter 96

At first Kelly didn't know what woke him, there hadn't been a loud noise and it was still dark, something just felt wrong. It took a moment but as his hand slid across the sheets he realised Erin wasn't in the bed, she hadn't been sleeping well for the last few nights but she normally didn't get up. As he became more and more alert he noticed an unusual noise, footsteps, soft and regular. He listened for a moment then flicked the light switch, squinting until his eyes adjusted. "Erin! Are you okay? Is it time?" He questioned immediately, moving across the bed at top speed. Not only was she pacing the room but she was out of breath and had one hand on her lower back, there was only one logical explanation in his mind.

"No I'm fine, everything is fine" Erin assured.

"Are you sure?" He asked as he moved up behind her, first massaging her shoulders then running his hands down her arms.

"I'm sure" She nodded, thankful he was so caring.

"What's going on? Why are you up? Are you sure you're sure? Because last time..." He started, rubbing her upper arms comfortingly.

"Kelly, stop. You're asking more questions than Shay. I'm fine" She repeated firmly Words rendered meaningless when a second later she cringed and tensed, obviously in pain.

"What was that? What's going on?" He demanded, turning her until she faced him.

"She's just got her foot up here and it's making it hard to breathe" Erin explained, rubbing small circles over the last few ribs on her right side.

"Should I call a doctor? Or the midwife? You should sit down" Kelly instructed, trying to steer her towards the bed.

"No that makes it worse" She explained, pushing back against him.

"What can I do then?" He surrendered.

"Go back to sleep?" She suggested hopefully, wincing as the baby straightened her leg even further to increase the pressure on her internal organs.

"That's not going to happen, let me see if I can get her to move" Kelly proposed in response, feeling her belly carefully to figure out where the baby was positioned.

"I've already tried that" She explained as he tried to get the baby to move by alternating tapping and pressing.

"I really thought..." He sighed.

"Not yet" Erin smiled, reaching down to still his hands.

"Well, you've done it, as of two hours ago you're officially thirty-five weeks pregnant" He announced proudly after looking across at the clock.

"I wish I wasn't" She exhaled sharply.

"You don't mean that" He assured.

"I do, she's been bigger than Shay was for weeks now, she'd be fine" She justified, more than ready to have the baby.

"One more month" Kelly reasoned softly, he hated that she was uncomfortable but knew it was for the best.

"That's a really long time when you can't breathe" She complained.

"She'll move" He replied with great certainty, the baby usually didn't stay still for more than a few minutes when she was awake.

"I just want to sleep" Erin whined after yawning twice in quick succession. Nothing he was doing seemed to help so he settled on distracting her, kissing her hungrily. "Now I really can't breathe" She laughed, suddenly that wasn't such a bad thing. He continued to kiss her until the baby finally gave in and moved just after three o'clock.

* * *

"Breakfast is ready" Chase called after knocking on their door twice, taking Shay back downstairs so she could start eating. She'd already been particularly patient.

"We should go" Kelly mumbled, nuzzling against her shoulder.

"One more minute?" Erin asked as she closed her eyes.

"No, up, now!" He demanded, jumping out of bed before rushing around to help her to her feet as he did every morning. She didn't protest as he draped her dressing gown over her shoulders, and pulled her by the hand out of the room. They took their time moving down the stairs, Kelly providing an arm for balance as she took each step slowly. Erin was quite sure she wouldn't last another month, she wouldn't mind if she didn't have to wait another day. The discomfort of being the size of a house was definitely worse than the thought of holding the baby for the first time. It was everything that had to happen in between that she wasn't so keen on. Chase had made french toast topped with honey and strawberries at Shay's request. He had been cooking increasingly regularly and had improved drastically with Erin's instructions and Shay's help. After they'd eaten Kelly took Shay upstairs to get dressed while Chase cleared away the dishes and made sure the kitchen was tidy. Erin sat there contemplating whether she would sleep on the couch or go back to bed. She loved Kelly's days off more than he did, it wasn't that she didn't love looking after Shay it was just so exhausting now that moving from one room to another had her out of breath. Settling on the couch she listened as Kelly and Shay fed Sooty then promptly fell asleep. When she woke up they'd been outside to play in the snow and painted pictures of the snowmen they planned to build when enough snow had fallen. "Hey" He smiled when he walked past and saw that she was awake.

"Hi" She replied, sitting up properly before standing.

"Where you going?" He questioned as she started to move towards the stairs.

"Shower" She answered as she used the railings to pull herself up at a reasonable pace.

"You sure you're okay to do that? I can get Chase to watch Shay if you need help" He offered.

"I can still take a shower I promise, keep doing what you're doing" Erin instructed, now stopped halfway up the stairs. She wanted him to think it was because if she went any further she wouldn't be able to see him but she actually just needed to take a second to catch her breath.

"Alright, but call out if you need anything" He replied.

"I will" She assured before continuing on her way. She dropped the dressing gown on the bedroom floor and kept dropping clothes as she moved through to the bathroom. First the unbuttoned flannelette shirt, then a singlet that clung tightly to her skin and finally a pair of Kelly's sweat pants. Since outgrowing his shirts and her maternity wear her wardrobe choices had become severely limited. Every time Kelly asked she told him she would go shopping but every day she would end up on the couch before lunch, supervising Shay as she played, read, danced or watched television. Getting up for lunch was always quite an effort but Shay would help by carrying things from the fridge to the bench, using her new stool to reach for the things she wanted. Sandwiches or wraps of varying quality kept Shay fed until after a movie when she could get herself a muesli bar or packaged snack. Erin no longer cooked dinner on weeknights, they either ate something reheated from the freezer, had food delivered or waited for Kelly. Erin's days were all pretty much the same, waiting or sleeping while everyone moved around her to continue their normal lives. If she could travel in time she'd go back and slap her former self for complaining when she was pregnant with Shay. The bigger the baby grew the more hopeful she was it would arrive early. Everything took longer so Kelly wasn't surprised that she didn't emerge from the bathroom until they were halfway through lunch.

"Nice shower?" He enquired, sounding genuinely interested.

"Yeah" She nodded before turning her attention to eating.

"What are your plans for the afternoon?" He asked as he waited for shay to finish eating.

"I'd love to do something with you" She explained, not sure what activity they could modify to be pregnancy friendly.

"Why don't you show me the photo albums you've been working on?" He suggested, she'd been talking about them extensively. Mainly because they were the only thing she felt productive about doing.

"Yeah, okay. Shay can see what she looked like as a baby" Erin agreed. Shay now had an extensive understanding of babies, that didn't stop her asking questions though.

"I no baby! I big girl" Shay argued instantly, she knew that everyone had been a baby at some point, everyone except herself of course.

"You're a big girl now because you've grown but you were a baby once" Erin explained.

"No" Shay disagreed firmly before eating the last mouthful of her lunch.

"You'll see" Kelly assured as he cleaned up then helped his wife through to the lounge room, handing her the album before lifting Shay up next to her. Erin proceeded to show them the first album, featuring a few rare photos of her pregnant with Shay before what seemed like an endless number of Shay's baby photos. Even after spending hours on the computer sorting through so only the best ones were printed there were still plenty. As each page was turned baby Shay grew a little more and big Shay came to understand that she had in fact been a baby.

"Mama you baby photo?" Shay questioned.

"You have your photo of the baby beside your bed" Erin reminded. Shay had taken possession of one of the most recent ultrasound photos, taking it everywhere with her and showing everyone she saw. As it got crumpled and torn around the edges Erin had managed to convince her to keep it somewhere safe, taped beside her bed so she could look at it whenever she wanted to.

"No, photo baby Mama" Shay corrected.

"Me as a baby? I don't have any photos of that" She explained with a small smile, trying to ignore the sad smile on Kelly's face. Erin had no need for photos of herself as a baby, for that she was lucky, none existed.

"Why?" Shay asked.

"We didn't have a camera" She provided simply.

"When baby sister stops hiding we take photo?" Shay wondered as she looked at the final photograph in the album. It was only two weeks old and showed their family at Disney on Ice, Kelly, Chase, Hank and Russ proudly wearing their Mickey Mouse hats while Shay wore her Minnie Mouse versions with her tiara balanced on top.

"Yes, we'll take lots of photos" Erin assured.

"Good, I want photo" Shay agreed as she placed her hand on the blank space. Their contemplative silence was interrupted by Chase's arrival home. "Chasey!" Shay yelled, jumping to her feet to rush and hug him.

"Shay!" He called back as he lifted her easily, swinging her over his shoulder before stepping into the doorway to speak with her parents. "I picked up the stuff for dinner on my way back" Chase explained.

"How were the girls?" Erin enquired, asking about Katie and Nadia whom he visited every spare chance he got.

"They're good" He nodded.

"And?" She questioned with raised eyebrows.

"And what?" He defended, knowing exactly what she was asking. They'd thoroughly discussed how unfair it was to let them both continue to think he liked them. It was the hardest thing he had to deal with at the moment, occupying his thoughts constantly. They were both incredible but he didn't want to complicate things by becoming more than friends.

"Anything else?" She shrugged, taking his thoughtful look as an answer in itself.

"No, we just watched a movie" He explained.

"Chasey look photo I baby" Shay demanded as he lowered her to the ground, dragging him across the room before pushing him onto the couch. Erin handed him the photo album, supervising carefully but remaining silent as Shay showed him the pictures. "This where baby photo go" She added at last, showing him the blank space she thought was more important than any of the images.

"You're little sister is incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful family waiting for her" Chase informed, looking from Shay to Erin and Kelly as he spoke.

"You're in here because you're part of that family" Erin replied as she pointed to the last photo.

"Thank you" Chase smiled, he still said it regularly, because there were no other words to explain how he felt.

"You don't have to say it" She accepted.

"I always wanted a little brother or sister, and I know it's weird but having Shay around is kind of like having a sister" He explained, looking turning back to the first few pages as Shay left him in search of her Minnie Mouse hat.

"That's not weird" She assured.

"After my dad died I knew I was never going to get little sibling..." He revealed softly, Erin looked up immediately because he'd never before mentioned his father.

"Your mum could have remarried" She put forward, wondering how a nine year old could have known something like that.

"Nah, she's never been the same. I don't blame her but were never very close. That's why I'm glad I have you guys, a second chance and a second family" Chase smiled, happy to end on a positive note.

"Mama when I have brother?" Shay questioned, having waited patiently for a pause in the conversation.

"You have Chase sweetie" Kelly answered before his wife had a chance to talk.

"He brother?" Shay clarified, unconvinced.

"Yeah, he's your big brother" Erin nodded. "Not that I'm nearly old enough to be his mother" She added in a whisper to Kelly. Kelly agreed with her on that front but sat back to watch Chase and Shay play until Erin started to fall asleep against his shoulder. He helped her up to bed and left her to sleep, after a little while Chase did the same for Shay. When Erin woke up she finally agreed that it was time to put the crib together, something Kelly was confident he could do in no time. Shay joined her mother in the bed to watch as he struggled to put the pieces together. Misguided in thinking that because he had put it together and taken it apart before he could do it without the instructions, which were long gone. Erin and Shay contributed advice, of varying levels of helpfulness, then Chase got involved and eventually they got it together. Once it was in place Chase and Shay chose the sheets before Erin gave very clear directions on how to put them on. She ended up doing it herself while the other three took what they felt was a well deserved break.

"Now we just need the baby to put in it" Chase smiled.

"I'm working on it" Erin assured.

"My baby?" Shay questioned as she ran off to her room to get her baby doll. After reading an article in a parenting magazine at the library Erin and Kelly had bought Shay a doll. They had sat down with her for a serious conversation, telling her that it was small like a real baby and that she had to be careful with it. Replicating what she had seen with baby Aiden she fed it and changed its diaper before taking it on a walk to the park. Erin wasn't sure she was ever going to read the magazine again when Kelly and Shay returned with the decapitated doll, how was that preparing her for the arrival of her little sister? Kelly had carefully reattached the head before returning the doll to Shay so she could put it to bed. She didn't play with it very often but enjoyed reading to it and tucking it into bed each night. Until her little sister arrived the doll could occupy the crib.

"What's next?" Chase questioned as he stood up, it was the longest he'd ever been in their bedroom and it felt a little weird.

"I don't..." Erin started, only to be cut off by the doorbell. Shay and Chase went to answer it while Erin and Kelly took a moment to look at the crib. The baby kicking as if she were excited.

"Mama! Daddy!" Shay called, requesting her parents presence. They took the stairs slowly and greeted their guests in the lounge room.

"You're a bit early" Erin commented as she checked the time. Hank and Russ came over for dinner every Sunday night but usually didn't arrive until the meal was almost ready.

"We thought we'd come early to make sure you didn't cook" Hank explained as he gave her a sideways hug.

"I wasn't planning on it" She assured, though she had been planning on doing most of the meal preparation. If she felt especially tired she would stand and dictate instructions to Chase or Kelly but Sunday's were the only days she put effort into cooking.

"We're going to" Chase announced, he knew what she was making and had assisted in the past so thought himself up to the challenge.

"We?" Kelly questioned.

"Yeah, we should probably go make a start" Chase answered, there was too much to do alone so getting Kelly's help was essential if they were to get everything done on time.

"Me help?" Shay asked, looking forward to cooking.

"No you stay here with your Grandpa's" Kelly told her before following Chase to the kitchen. Shay greeted them both for a second time, adding hugs and answering questions. She showed off the photo album and talked extensively about how the baby was going to have just as many pictures. They asked about her week and she told them about movie Monday, swimming, Kenny play day, playgroup, and, music and library on Fridays. Erin joined the conversation but didn't have much to contribute happy to talk about the intelligence units latest case to take her mind off the baby. Dinner was edible though not at all what they had been intending to make, Erin didn't feel the need to bring it up seeing as the pie they had made was quite nice. The moment dessert was done Chase took Shay upstairs to put her to bed while Russ checked up on him with Kelly and Erin. Then Hank and Russ left, followed closely by Kelly and Chase off to work, leaving Erin home alone. She tried to find something on the television but after failing to find something worth staying up for she climbed into bed.

**There was more description and less dialogue because of the way I'm skipping ahead - I don't want you to miss anything. The baby will still be born in Chapter 100 so it's really not that far away :D I'm very excited and a little bit nervous about the name I've chosen for her... Also I'd like to thank the new followers and anyone who takes the time to review! **


	97. Chapter 97

**Sorry guys, I had some technical difficulties that meant I couldn't post last night. Enjoy :D**

"You're going to need to pull over at the next gas station" Erin informed as she shifted uncomfortably in the passenger seat.

"Again? Seriously?" Kelly questioned, not sure she wasn't just messing with him by making the same request every twenty minutes. 

"This was your idea!" She reminded, clearly unhappy.

"You'll understand once we get there" He reasoned with a small smile.

"When's that going to be?" She asked as she tried to smile back, she wanted to trust him but at the same time she didn't really feel like traipsing around the countryside at thirty-seven weeks pregnant.

"I don't know, it's supposed to be a two hour drive but with all these stops..." He explained, trailing off because he knew it was wrong to blame her.

"I would say I'm sorry but seeing as you contributed to the fact there's a baby squishing my bladder I'm not going to" She replied, growing angrier as she got more desperate.

"Mama where we go?" Shay questioned from the back seat, it was at least the dozenth time she'd asked the same question.

"Ask Daddy" Erin instructed.

"Daddy where we go?" Shay amended.

"Right now, we're going to that gas station" Kelly answered as he pointed just a little further up the road.

"Is car thirsty?" Shay asked, starting to think the car had a drinking problem.

"No, mummy needs to use the bathroom" He informed, it was the truth and he wasn't trying to be rude but he could still feel his wife's glare.

"Do you need to go Shay?" Erin asked as they pulled up at last.

"No" Shay decided, sounding a little uncertain.

"You sure?" Erin checked, not wanting Shay to have to wait very long.

"Just go, we'll be stopping again soon enough" Kelly sighed. Erin got out of the car and slammed the door, Kelly watched her enter the building before turning to look at Shay. "We're going on an adventure?"

"Why?" Shay asked. Usually she loved the word adventure and would get excited but she knew her Mama wasn't excited so instead she wanted to find out more.

"Because your little sister is going to be born soon and I wanted to do something fun as a family before then" He justified, hoping Erin could see his good intentions.

"Family? Mama, Daddy, Chasey, Me Shay, Baby little sister, Grandpa Hanky, Pa Russ, Sooty..." Shay listed, when she'd asked who her family were her mother had told her that the people at dinner on Sunday's were her family.

"Yes that's our family" Kelly agreed.

"No have fun without Chasey" She declared, Chase was the best person for fun since Daddy was always at work or busy and Mama was always sleepy.

"Chase had to stay home to look after Sooty" He explained as he reached back to get the pieces of biscuit and muesli bar out of her car seat.

"Why?" She questioned as she pointed to where she'd thrown Roary, wanting Daddy's long arms to get her lion back.

"Because someone has to feed her and he had stay so he can work" He justified.

"When baby sister born?" Shay asked once she had Roary back.

"I don't know exactly, soon" He answered, wishing he knew when the baby would arrive so he could be prepared.

"When soon?" She enquired thoughtfully.

"Any day now. That's why mummy's grumpy, she doesn't want to go to the country in case the baby is born" Kelly explained, not wanting to let on that he too was increasingly worried.

"Why?" She questioned immediately.

"Because the doctors that help the baby are in the city" He informed after thinking for a moment to word his response in a way she would understand.

"City home?" She checked.

"Yeah at home in the city" He nodded as he turned back around and saw Erin approaching. "Sshhh mummy's coming" He instructed just before she pulled open the door.

"Mama!" Shay announced excitedly.

"Did you miss me?" Erin questioned, looking back at Shay as she fastened her seat belt.

"No" Shay answered, as if the very notion was completely unreasonable.

"Let's go" Erin enthused with an incredibly fake smile.

"Erin, we don't have to if you don't want to..." Kelly started, looking at her seriously. They weren't even halfway so he didn't mind turning around if it would make her happy.

"Let's just go" She shrugged, beyond caring.

"I don't want to make you do something you don't want to do" He frowned, wishing he'd found something fun to do in Chicago instead.

"Mama grumpy" Shay informed in her best mocking voice.

"Shay!" Kelly immediately scolded.

"You said!" Shay argued.

"Just start the car!" Erin contributed frustratedly.

"Babe I didn't mean..." He tried to explain.

"I don't care" She assured. He did as he was told and pulled out onto the highway while thinking about how to fix things.

"Shay what did I say after that?" He questioned, hoping she'd remember.

"Mama grumpy...because them baby doctors... at home in the city...with Chasey and Sooty and my family" Shay answered slowly.

"Close enough, I was just trying to explain that you don't think this is a good idea" He reasoned, hoping Shay's words were enough to convince her since his attempt failed miserably.

"It's a ridiculous idea but I'm trying really hard to like it and you're just being an... being grumpy" She corrected, mindful that Shay was in the vehicle.

"I just wanted to get out of the city and be a family of three for a little bit" He sighed.

"I understand why you're doing it but we're already a family of four, the baby influences pretty much everything I do at the moment" She replied softly, resting a hand over the baby.

"I'm sorry" He apologised firmly, reaching over to place his hand on her leg.

"I'm sorry too" She answered after a moment of silence. They drove in silence for a long time, both thinking about themselves, each other, and the change associated with adding a baby to their family. Erin only requested one more bathroom stop and they arrived at the small Bed and Breakfast an hour and ten minutes later. Shay had been strapped in for way too long and ran around madly, playing with the two friendly farm dogs while her parents spoke with the owners. Kelly carried their bag through to their rooms while Erin supervised Shay and chatted with Mrs Collins about the differences between city and country life. "I'd love for Shay to have the space to run and play but living in the city is important for work and it's convenient" Erin explained when asked why they lived in the city.

"What do you do?" Mrs Collins questioned.

"I'm...I was a detective" She answered, thinking about work properly for the first time in weeks.

"Wow, and your husband?" Mrs Collins asked, it explained why even in her heavily pregnant state Erin gave the impression she wasn't someone to be messed with.

"He's a fireman" She supplied with a smile.

"Well I feel safer just having you both here, Wilson and Walter are getting a bit overexcited so I might take them around the back if you want to head in and get settled. Dinner's at six" Mrs Collins suggested. It took a few minutes to convince Shay that she could play with the dogs again later before they were able to go inside. They followed the sound of voices through the massive farm house, huge kitchen and dining space on the right and an equally large but cosy lounge room to the left. They passed the stairs that led up to the Collins residence on their way to the back where the guestrooms were located. The first room on the right was theirs, large, bright and airy with mint green floral wall paper and massive windows. It was almost like a hotel room with the bathroom to the left when they entered then a queen sized bed against the wall, a single bed tucked into the corner and a desk and couch nearest the windows. Kelly and Mr Collins finished their conversation as Erin and Shay entered the room and Mr Collins left once he'd checked they had everything they needed.

"Do you like it?" Kelly asked once the door closed behind Mr Collins.

"Yeah, it's beautiful" Erin smiled, hugging him as best she could without squashing their baby.

"Worth the drive?" He wondered.

"Almost" She laughed, wishing their trip had started out this positive.

"Shay what do you think?" He asked next, looking at Shay who had settled onto their bed with Roary in her hand.

"This is our home?" She asked with a yawn.

"Not quite" Erin explained quickly.

"Our country home?" Shay questioned.

"We're just visiting" Erin clarified.

"Can Willy and Walty come to our city home?" Shay asked, Erin had expected something along those lines, just not so soon.

"No, they wouldn't get along with Sooty" Erin answered before Kelly could say anything that would give her false hope.

"Why?" Shay asked with a frown, she liked Sooty but Wilson and Walter were more fun to play with. Sooty just liked gentle pats and sleeping where the dogs liked to play with their soccer ball.

"Because cats don't like dogs very much, especially cats with three legs who can't run very fast" Kelly explained with a smile.

"She run fast" Shay argued.

"She can run faster than you because you only have two legs" He justified, linking the number of legs with speed.

"Two little legs that are going to take you to the bathroom to wash your hands before you put them in your mouth" Erin instructed, watching as Shay reached for her face. With a dramatic sigh Shay crawled off the bed and made her way to the bathroom.

"I'll go" He smiled, wanting Erin to sit down while he helped Shay wash her hands properly. She didn't sit though, instead moving closer to the window to look out at the green, brown and white landscape, there didn't seem to be nearly as much snow as there was in the city. "I was going to take Shay for a walk before dinner if you wanted to have a rest" Kelly informed in a soft whisper when he returned, kissing her neck as he stood behind her.

"I'm fine to walk" She assured, reaching up to run a hand through his hair before turning to watch Shay pulling her shoes back on.

"You sure?" He asked knowing she had already had a big day, usually she slept for a few hours after lunch.

"Yeah, but by walk I mean waddle really slowly" She explained with a laugh.

"You don't waddle" He defended instantly.

"I definitely waddle" She nodded, she didn't see it as a bad thing. There was no way anyone could carry a baby as big as theirs without it changing the way they walked.

"Quack!" Shay announced, automatically associating the word waddle with ducks.

"Ignore our rude daughter" Kelly instructed as they joined Shay in putting shoes on then left the room to head outside. It was getting colder and the sun was starting to set so they walked quite quickly. Erin trailing along behind as Kelly ensured Shay avoided the muddy puddles she desperately wanted to play in. Shay was delighted to see some actual ducks, having one last look around their yard before heading into the barn for the night. Wilson and Walter joined them after a little while and did their best to push Shay into the puddles and patches of snow. She enjoyed it, squealing and laughing each time they succeeded but after the third puddle her parents decided it was time to get back. After her first ever shower all by herself she let her mother dress her, feeling she'd had enough independence for one day. Then they left the room for dinner, enjoying the food and conversation and listening to the heavy rain and thunder in the pauses. They talked with the Collins' until it was quite late then decided it was time to get Shay to bed.

"Leave them, I want to watch the lightening" Erin instructed as Kelly went to close the curtains.

"Does that mean you want to sleep on this side?" He asked, looking across to check that Shay was asleep as he spoke. Shay had curled herself under the pillow, holding Roary between her chest and knees. He was always amazed that she found such strange positions comfortable enough to sleep.

"Yeah" She answered, not sure if it was going to be a problem.

"Okay" He agreed after thinking about it for a second. She was his wife, she was pregnant and she was tired. That meant she could have which ever side of the bed she wanted. Erin changed from the one pair of pants she owned, elasticated jeans with a wide waistband of stretchy fabric she had bought for wearing out, into one of the many pairs of Kelly's sweat pants she had stolen. Then swapped her shirt for a long singlet and climbed into bed to watch the lightening. "Doesn't it make you feel small?" Kelly questioned after a series of bright flashes lit the sky.

"I don't think anything could make me feel small right now" She laughed, placing her hand over his as he drew patterns on her belly. "But I know what you mean" She added seriously after a moment.

"It's not much longer now" He smiled, he had been so impatient but now that the baby was almost here he was starting to get nervous.

"Hopefully she won't get much bigger" She sighed.

"Hopefully" He agreed, certain that the baby was already twice the size Shay had been when she was born. He wasn't really sure how his wife could still move or how exactly the baby was going to get out. Just thinking about it made him feel slightly sick.

"You okay?" Erin asked, noticing the way his entire body had tensed.

"Yeah, sorry" He apologised quickly. She twisted slightly so she could kiss him then smiled before turning back to the lightening, watching in silence until they fell asleep. The morning was filled with farm yard fun for Shay. Before breakfast she was out collecting eggs and milking the cow with Mrs Collins while her parents watched and waved from inside. Then she helped make breakfast and surprised everyone with just how much she could eat. Outside again she learned to drive the tractor with Mr Collins and took feed up to the horses and cattle on the hill. The goats and sheep were very friendly, nibbling at her fingers as she tried to feed them. Then she discovered the pony, named Crumble for his love of apples. After checking with her parents and putting on a helmet and vest she rode the pony around in circles for almost an hour, smiling the entire time.

"We are not getting a pony, ever" Erin told Kelly firmly as they stood nearby to watch her.

"Never?" He checked.

"Never ever" She declared. The pony was only first on the list of animals Shay wanted to take home with them when they got ready to leave after lunch. "They have to stay here but we'll visit again someday" Erin reasoned as Shay tried to lure Wilson and Walter into the car with a half eaten and long forgotten cheese cracker.

"When?" Shay demanded, certain she couldn't possibly live without them for that long.

"I don't know" Erin answered honestly.

"Can we please bring my sister when she stops hiding?" Shay asked politely.

"Maybe" Her mother said, not sure the baby would be ready for farm visits for a few months at least.

"Please Mama? Pleeeeeeease?" Shay pleaded as she realised it was just as much a maybe no as it was a maybe yes.

"We'll see, say bye bye to Mr and Mrs Collins then give the dogs a pat before we go" Erin instructed as Kelly finished packing the car.

"I don't want toooo!" Shay whined, stomping her foot for emphasis.

"Please Shay" Erin requested, watching as Shay dragged her feet all the way over to where the Collins' stood before listening carefully to what she had to say.

"I be back soon. I want to stay our country home but Daddy work and family dinner, my brother Chasey and my Grandpa Hanky and Pa Russ. But I be back soon. I bring Chasey and Sooty and Mama and Daddy. Mama wants them city doctor for my baby little sister, she stop hiding soon and then she come ride Crumble. You feed him more apples so he doesn't get sleepy. Oh...and bye bye" Shay explained before finally remembering what she was supposed to be saying to them.

"It was lovely to meet you Shay" Mrs Collins smiled

"Thank you" Shay nodded before walking away. She hugged each dog around then neck then patted their ears before stomping over to the car. Frowning as her father strapped her into her seat then crying when he started the car. By the time they reached the main road she had calmed herself, eventually falling asleep while sucking Roary's front paw.

"Thank you, I know I said it was stupid but it wasn't, it was nice and Shay had a lot of fun" Erin said, breaking the silence in order to make sure her husband knew just how appreciative she was of his efforts.

"Did you?" He asked.

"As much fun as can be had on a farm when you're the size of a whale" She laughed.

"You're not..." He started but one look at her forced him to change his approach "You're beautiful, absolutely gorgeous, don't bother arguing because it's true, and I love you so much."

"I love you too and I'm sorry if I'm distracting you but I can drive if you want to stare" She offered, conscious of the fact he was spending more time looking at her than the road. Kelly laughed but took the hint and focused on the road from that point on. They made a few stops, Kelly hated to admit that he needed to go just as much as Erin did, but still got home with time to spare before dinner. Chase seemed very glad to see them and listened intently to Shay's lengthy stories, twice as she told them again for her Grandfathers. Both Erin and Shay fell asleep on the couch after dinner and had to be carried to their beds before Kelly left for work.


	98. Chapter 98

"Foot" Kelly requested.

"I do it" Shay complained, pushing his hands away so she could pull on her own sock. She struggled at first but was too determined to ask for help, eventually getting the sock on, backward. After doing the second one she let him twist them until they were on straight then ran and slid along the hall to get her shoes.

"Ready?" He asked when he caught up to her.

"Umm...you got books?" She questioned in return.

"I have the books" He answered, holding up her bright pink fairy library bag as proof.

"Jacket" She listed next.

"You put that on, I'll put mine on and then we're ready" He agreed, handing her her jacket before putting on his own.

"I gloves?" She asked as soon as he reached for the door handle.

"Gloves or mittens?" He questioned, turning around and crouching down to look at her properly.

"Gloves" She nodded.

"You going to leave them on this time?" He asked, it usually took five minutes to get her tiny fingers into the gloves and they usually didn't stay on for more than half that time.

"No" She giggled, at least she was honest.

"Why don't we take them with us and put them on when we get out of the car?" He suggested, tucking the small red gloves into his pocket.

"Yes!" She agreed, happy with his proposal. He zipped her jacket then took her hand in his as they finally made it through the door, down the stairs and into the car.

"You want music?" He asked, knowing how much she loved to sing and dance in the car.

"No, music for Mama" She replied, thinking about her mother who had stayed home to sleep again.

"I like music too" He smiled, noticing the way her smile quickly disappeared.

"No you don't" Shay disagreed with a frown.

"You can't tell me what I like" He countered, wondering why he was arguing with a two year old.

"Yes can" She declared before snapping her head to the side to look out the window, ignoring all further attempts at conversation. Shay didn't speak again until they arrived at the library, demanding her library bag so that she could put her books in the returns slot.

"Where do you find books to borrow?" He asked her, looking at the vast, colourful space and wondering where to begin.

"Sshhh!Library" Shay hissed as she grabbed his hand and towed him to the far corner. There were hundreds of picture books to choose from and he felt incredibly out of place. The last time he'd been in a library that wasn't burning down was in high school.

"I'll wait here while you choose" He whispered as she released his hand.

"No! You help" She whispered back waiting until he looked like he was taking the job seriously before starting to search herself.

"What do you want to read about this week?" He asked after a few minutes of randomly flipping through books, they all looked good.

"Umm...more farms and ponies" She decided hoping that if she kept talking about it her parents would have to take her back to the farm.

"Alright" He nodded feeling more purposeful now that he knew what to look for.

"And baby" She added.

"A book about babies?" He checked as he located a book about a little red tractor.

"No for the baby" She corrected before handing him a book with a sheep on the cover.

"That's a good idea" He smiled deciding to leave that one down to her.

"Is it soon yet?" Shay questioned, adding more farm books to his pile then walking to another section for a baby book.

"What do you mean?" He asked as he followed her closely.

"Is it soon for my baby? I want sister to stop hiding...she make Mama sleepy" Shay explained with a deep sigh.

"It's very soon. But mummy will still be sleepy when your sister's born" He answered gently, wanting to make sure she didn't have unrealistic expectations.

"Why?"

"Because" He supplied.

"Because why?" She demanded unwilling to settle for a non-answer.

"Because it's hard to get her to stop hiding" He explained, hoping she wouldn't have any further questions, at times it was difficult to modify answers to her level of understanding.

"Oh...when will Mama go library again?" Shay asked as she located the book she wanted for the baby, in the toy box that sat on the snakes and ladders rug.

"I don't know" Kelly replied honestly.

"This for the baby" She announced as she held up the book, it had a rubbery spine and fabric pages which made crinkly noises when turned.

"Oh. I don't think we can borrow that" He said hesitantly.

"Why?" She complained, assuming he was being unreasonable.

"Because it's a toy" He justified. "You can't borrow the toys" He explained as he showed her that it didn't have a barcode like the other books.

"But it for my baby" She whined as she tried to add it to the pile.

"Why don't we go to the shop and buy a book just like it so she can keep it forever?" He proposed. It was the best solution he could think of even though he was pretty sure they had a similar one at home already. She thought about it long and hard before giving a single nod and dropping the book back into the toy box. He followed Erin's explicit instructions when it came to borrowing the books, scanning the card first then the books, tucking them all into the library bag with the receipt. "Let's go get a baby book" He smiled, slinging her library bag over his shoulder before offering his hand.

"Yes" Shay nodded as she took his hand, letting him guide her out the door and across the courtyard, telling him about the snow hiding the flowers and fairies. They walked up the street towards the mall as Kelly did his best to explain what snow was and why.

"You look down there and I'll look up here" He explained as they arrived in the baby toy aisle, there were so many colourful toys it was easy to get distracted from their search. By the time he spotted them Shay was sitting on the floor playing with half a dozen other toys. "Found it" He announced, taking it down so Shay could look.

"Yes, she will like this" Shay agreed after inspecting it closely, temporarily leaving the toys scattered on the ground. Once she had compared it to the alternative she smiled and handed it to her father. They cleared away the toys on their way to the check out where Shay told the shop assistant off for trying to put it in a paper bag. She insisted it went in her library bag with the rest of the books, Kelly mouthed an apology and they were on their way.

"Home to show Mummy the books we got" He informed, taking her hand in his as they left the toy store.

"NOOOO!" Shay yelled, relaxing her leg muscles so that the only thing keeping her upright was her father's hand.

"Why? What?" Kelly asked as he picked her up, shocked by the outburst and eager to get to the bottom of it. He had just given her exactly what she wanted.

"We no go home yet" Shay answered, gripping his jacket desperately as tears threatened to spill.

"Why?" He asked.

"We get sister present" She explained pointing to a store that sold boxes in every shape colour and size, they looked a lot like presents.

"Why?" He repeated, feeling a strange sense of role reversal.

"Sister very soon birthday" She added, pointing further up the street to a clown selling balloons.

"Oh! A birthday present?"

"Yes" Shay smiled clapping as she celebrated the way he finally understood.

"We just got her the book" He reminded, pointing to the library bag.

"She need lots presents"

"What else does she need?" He asked, fairly certain they had everything they could need for the baby by this point.

"PJs" She stated as if it were obvious.

"Pyjamas?" He questioned, it was a strangely specific request.

"Yeah"

"She has lots of clothes" He explained. They didn't have much more room for baby clothes.

"No, she have none" Shay declared proudly.

"What about all the clothes you helped Mummy put in the drawers?" He asked, wondering if she'd forgotten.

"They mine not baby...Mama said so" She informed.

"But they don't fit you any more, they're for your little sister now" Kelly attempted, hoping she would understand.

"No"

"Yes, its a big present that you're giving her" He corrected, trying to put a positive spin on the situation.

"I don't want to" She replied determinedly.

"Please?" He requested, making sure she knew it was a formality more than a question. 

"Daddy" Shay whined frowning and crossing her arms, bottom lip trembling.

"What colour pyjamas should we get her?" He asked, sighing with relief at the smile that formed on her face in an instant.

"Red" She giggled as they made their way to the nearest clothes store. They located the baby clothes section easily then looked through the options. The clothes were sorted by gender and the girls clothes were all soft pinks, purples, mint green or yellow. "That one!" Shay decided, pointing to a navy footed sleeper with an embroidered red tractor.

"This one?" He asked reaching down one for her to feel.

"Soft and cuddly and tractor" She answered, rubbing the fabric between her thumb and fingers before starting to make the deep rumbling noises of a tractor.

"That's important isn't it" Kelly laughed.

"Yes" She replied, laughing as he tried to make the same noise.

"Alright we'll get one of those" He decided.

"Yes" Shay nodded watching as he chose the next size up, zero to three months just didn't look big enough when he thought back to his wife's massive belly. He would rather the baby had to grow into it anyway.

"Anything else?" He asked hesitantly, not sure he was really up to a shopping trip with someone who blackmailed him with tears.

"No, we go home show Mama" She instructed, taking his hand to lead him to the front of the store. Then she spotted the same item on a display in every size, from tiny baby right through to adults. "Look Daddy!"

"Yeah" He acknowledged, frustrated that they had to walk past them to get to the checkout.

"That for big babies?" Shay asked.

"No it's for people your size and my size" He explained absent-mindedly as he noticed how long the queue was.

"My size?" She questioned, tilting her head to the side and narrowing her eyes as she tried to work out how to get one of the warm fuzzy garments for herself.

"Really?" He groaned before following her to the display rack. Not feeling like he had a choice he found on in Shay's size and handed it to her. "Happy now?" He asked noticing the queue had grown.

"Daddy..." She started, it was a very distinctive tone. She wanted something.

"Yes?" He questioned, getting ready to say no and explain that she already had presents for the baby and for herself.

"I gots one and baby sister gots one..." She started.

"Mama and I don't need one" He assured quickly cutting her off before she could suggest their entire family own matching pyjamas.

"But Chasey does" She concluded, moving to the far end to grab the sleeve of the largest size.

"No he doesn't" Kelly said firmly, quite sure Chase would laugh in his face if they bought him a giant baby suit.

"Yes...Chasey need happy present" She reasoned looking determined.

"He's not sad" He countered.

"Yes he is. He didn't go farm with us" She explained.

"He doesn't need a present because he didn't go to the farm" He argued, wondering when it had been decided that people needed presents because they'd missed out on something.

"Pleeeeease" She started. Kelly's resistance lasted a grand total of five seconds before he snatched the hanger from the rack and hung the vast quantity of navy fleece over his arm with the other two smaller versions.

"No more Shay, I'm serious" He said firmly as they joined the line, he no longer cared if she cried, screamed or flopped to the ground in despair. While his resolve was strong he would rather not have it tested right now.

"Daddy?" She giggled.

"No Shay" He answered, refusing to look at her.

"But Daddy" She continued.

"What?" He asked in response, frowning before she even started speaking.

"I love you" Shay declared before raising her arms to be picked up.

"I love you too princess" Kelly sighed as he lifted her, hugging her tightly for a moment.

"Daddy?" She asked after a few blissful moments of silence.

"Yeah?" He responded reluctantly.

"We didn't get Mama a present"

"Yes we did" He assured.

"What?"

"She's a had a few hours of sleep without our noise and your questions" He explained as he shook his head, he loved Shay dearly but would have been more than happy to trade places with her mother.

* * *

"Hey" Erin smiled as Shay appeared at the door, smiling proudly.

"Mama" Shay greeted before disappearing to follow her father's whispered instructions and remove her shoes.

"Hi" Kelly smiled as he peeked into the room. "We didn't mean to wake you" He added as he moved across the room, lifting her legs so he could sit down, letting her feet rest on his lap.

"You didn't, it's the middle of the day I shouldn't be sleeping...I just don't have anything better to do" She explained, rubbing a hand over the baby. Every day that her due date approached she hoped for some sign that the baby was going to make it's entrance and every day the baby only grew bigger. "Did you have fun?" She questioned, filling the long pause and taking her mind off the baby.

"Sure" He answered, unconvincingly.

"No?" She asked, a little surprised because adventures to the library were typically pleasant.

"When did she turn into a teenager?" He enquired with a groan.

"Hmm?"

"She's so manipulative" He groaned.

"What did she make you buy?" Erin joked.

"Shay, show Mummy the presents we got" He called before letting his head fall back and rest against the top of the couch.

"Mama" Shay smiled as she dragged the plastic bag across the floor, navy fleece bulging out the top.

"What have you got there?" Erin grinned, sitting up a little so she could get a better look.

"A present for my baby" Shay explained as she produced the middle sized option by mistake.

"I think that would just about fit" Erin laughed, looking at Kelly who gave a sympathetic smile.

"No...that mine...this baby" Shay corrected as she pulled out and handed over the correct sleeper.

"Thank you, it's very nice and I'm sure she's going to love it" Erin said as she draped the outfit over her stomach.

"Yes" Shay nodded.

"Who's that one for?" Erin asked, ignoring Kelly's groan as Shay pulled out the third, much larger, garment.

"Chasey" Shay declared.

"Wow! He's going to love that" She agreed, unable to mask her sarcasm. "He's upstairs if you want to go get him"

"Chasey" Shay yelled as she raced for the stairs, stomping up them before her footsteps faded along the hall.

"I'm disappointed you didn't get one" Erin teased Kelly, grasping his hand so she could sit up properly and turn to sit alongside him.

"We were this close" He groaned holding up his thumb and finger so she understood.

"This close?" She questioned, leaning across to replicate the distance with their lips.

"Mhm" Kelly nodded before kissing her quickly, hearing Chase and Shay making their way back down the stairs. They were both initially surprised by just how much Chase genuinely liked the outfit, unzipping it and pulling it on straight away. Then they noticed the way he looked at Shay and realised he would do absolutely anything to make her smile. Kelly managed to capture a picture of the three, Chase and Shay in their new pyjamas either side of Erin watching the smallest pyjamas move as the baby kicked at them, and felt very glad to have bought them.

**I thought we were about due for a Daddy/Daughter day... unlike the baby which is due very soon :D **


	99. Chapter 99

"What are you doing?" Kelly asked as he entered the kitchen, rubbing sleep from his eyes before getting a proper look at his wife. She hadn't left the bedroom for three days but now she was standing in front of the stove cooking pancakes, it didn't make any sense.

"Good morning to you too" Erin replied with a questioning look, surely he should be pleased that she was up and doing something useful.

"Sorry, good morning. How are you feeling?" He enquired, moving across the room, hands automatically reaching for her, one rested on her lower back while the other settled on her impossibly large belly. He kissed her cheek while waiting for an answer.

"Motivated" She summarised. The disappointment of watching the baby's due date come and go had left her feeling quite depressed. A constant underlying sense of nausea triggered by even the slightest movement hadn't helped and lazing around upstairs had seemed like the best option. She still felt like she was going to be sick but by the fourth day she had worked out that it didn't ever actually amount to anything. Lying in bed moping was boring and wasn't helping so she decided to ignore the fact that she was pregnant at all and get on with her life, breakfast was the first step.

"That's great, you know I love you" He smiled, very relieved to see her smiling.

"I do, and I love you too" She nodded, eyes drifting down to his lips. Straightening from her slight lean she forced their mouths together for a passionate kiss. Kelly was quick to reciprocate and they declared their love with lips and tongues until Erin remembered the pancake, quickly flipping it before it burned.

"You still need to take it easy" He reminded softly, taking the spatula from her hand when she looked back at him. Just because she was feeling better didn't mean he wanted her to overdo it.

"I can make pancakes" She argued, hand moving with surprising speed to snatch the spatula back, putting it straight to use before pouring more batter.

"I know you can, but you shouldn't have to" He reasoned, closing his hand around hers so that he could maneuver the utensil.

"I'm fine, why don't you go tell Shay and Chase that breakfast will be ready in five?" She suggested.

"They're both still sleeping" He assured, now attempting to force her out from in front of the stove by pushing his body against her side. She turned to face him, placing her empty hand on his chest to push him back then she pointed at the ceiling. Chase's distinctive lion roar could be heard, followed immediately by Shay's shrieking laughter. "Okay, I'll go" He conceded, stealing a quick kiss before leaving her alone. The stack of pancakes grew steadily then disappeared suddenly as the three arrived in the kitchen. Chase gave Shay a butter knife so she could spread the jam and honey across their pancakes before he rolled them up.

"Can we eat in the lounge?" Chase questioned, hiding his cheeky grin for a moment to get his way.

"Sure" Erin nodded in response, looking down to see Shay mimicking his every move.

"Let's go little lady" Chase smiled as he led the way. Shay was far from being a lady, stuffing the rolled pancakes she held in each hand into her mouth at the same time.

"I'm not sure that's something we should encourage" Kelly complained as he waited for Erin to finish cooking.

"They're allowed to have fun, and it doesn't hurt" She shrugged, not seeing any real harm in letting Shay eat in front of the television a few mornings a week.

"They put their sticky fingers everywhere, it took me ages to get that Nutella hand print off the TV screen" He grumbled.

"I'll clean up" She smiled handing him a plate before getting her own.

"That's not what I meant, you shouldn't..." He backpedaled with a frustrated groan, if they ate at the table like civilized human beings no one would have to clean up after them. He followed her from the kitchen, sitting next to her rather than across from her. They hadn't spent much time together and he felt the need to keep her close to make up for it.

"Kelly, I understand that the last few days have been stressful for you. Not knowing when the baby is going to arrive and going to work when I'm being useless isn't fair and I'm really sorry. But I need to get on with my life and I need you to let me. I'm still huge and slow so I'm not going to be doing all that much, just some cooking, maybe a little cleaning..." She tried to explain, hating the way his frown grew more severe with every word.

"You need to rest, you could start having contractions any minute and you're going to need energy to get her out" He argued. Erin sighed and returned his frown.

"I'm pretty sure she's not going to come willingly, that's why we're going to the doctor today. Until then I don't want to wait around, I've done enough of that" She added determinedly.

"Fine" He nodded, trying his best to smile.

"After this I'm going to put on some washing then take Shay to the park" Erin informed, making sure it didn't sound like she was asking for permission.

"You should eat more" He recommended, it was first on his list of concerns, he was more than capable of doing the washing and Chase would probably volunteer to take Shay to the park. By this point he'd decided to let her do what she wanted and wait for the resultant slump that would hopefully encourage her to rest.

"You don't think I'm fat enough already?" She questioned, struggling to finish the lone pancake.

"You are not fat!" He argued before he had a chance to see the playful smile cross her face.

"I was kidding..." She sighed, making a point of finishing the pancake before shifting in her chair so she could rest her head on his shoulder. The frustrated groan she had become accustomed to hearing didn't occur, instead he pulled her closer with an arm around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry" He mumbled.

"It's all going to be okay" She assured, pressing a kiss to his cheek before getting up. She set about getting the washing on then took Shay to the park. They spent more time walking than they did at the park but Shay didn't seem to mind, running ahead then returning to her mother's side repeatedly. The park wasn't much fun in the snow but Shay managed to make a game out of creating miniature avalanches on the slide. Playing until her mittens were soaked and she complained about having cold hands. Erin had a shower when they got home then picked at lunch before getting ready for the doctors appointment. Hank stopped by to check in and decided that staying to provide adult supervision to Chase and Shay was important.

* * *

"How'd it go?" Hank asked when they arrived hom. From the look on Erin's face the answer wasn't well. She gestured to her swollen stomach to evidence that she was still pregnant, then, looking like she was about to cry, turned away and marched up the stairs. "What happened?"

"They can't do anything until Monday morning" Kelly explained.

"Okay" Hank nodded, not seeing why that was a bad thing.

"I think she thought they'd be able to do something sooner. She asked him to induce her today but he wanted to give the baby a little longer" Kelly added with a shake of his head. She'd asked, then she'd cried, skipping yelling for whispered threats then she'd stormed out. It had taken a few minutes to calm her down enough to get her back inside but eventually they managed to discuss their options. Natural labor, induced labor or a C section.

"I know it doesn't help her right now but the baby will come when it's ready" Hank shrugged.

"I tried to tell her that in the car, the look she gave me made me think she was trying to work out where to hide my body" Kelly shared.

"She probably was" Hank laughed, he knew the exact look her was referring to, having received it a few times himself.

"I don't know what I can do for her" Kelly said, verbalizing his thoughts.

"You're doing it" Hank assured.

"I don't think I'll go to work tonight" Kelly suggested, looking to the older man for some form of guidance.

"That's probably a good idea" Hank agreed, interrupted by his phone ringing. "I have to go but call me if you need anything" He added as he made his way towards the door.

"Thanks" Kelly managed before the front door closed. After checking on Chase and Shay, painting with marbles in the dining room, he headed upstairs to check on Erin. Taking deep calming breaths and he braced himself, not sure what to expect. "Hey" He whispered as he entered the room, finding her curled on the bed hugging his pillow tightly.

"I'm sorry" She mumbled softly.

"No, you don't need to be sorry" He smiled, curling himself around her before brushing her hair aside to kiss her neck.

"I just want her out" Erin reasoned desperately as he rubbed circles over the baby.

"Well she's being evicted on Monday whether she likes it or not" He reminded with a small smile.

"I don't want to wait until Monday" She whinged.

"I know"

"Being pregnant sucks" She added frustratedly as she rolled within his arms to lay on her back.

"I'm sorry" He nodded, taking full responsibility for his role. She gave a small laugh then shook her head, anyone else would have died of embarrassment at the doctors appointment, she'd thrown a tantrum like a small child. He'd hugged her until she'd calmed down then steered her back into the doctors office.

"I feel ready" She explained after a moment of silence.

"Good, she'll be here soon" He grinned, pulling her shirt up so he could kiss the warm, soft skin. It probably wasn't very helpful to her but he loved the baby despite the fact it was driving his wife mad.

"I'm ready to have her but I'm not ready for her to be here...she doesn't even have a name" Erin elaborated.

"So we have a Baby Severide for a few days, we'll figure it out" He shrugged, naming the baby could wait.

"And then there's Shay..." She muttered.

"Hank, Chase and Cindy are going to look after her while we're at the hospital" Kelly explained again, they had discussed it extensively over the last few weeks.

"I know. But do you think she's ready for the baby?" She asked, wanting nothing more than for her daughters to love each other straight away.

"You know what I think? I think that we're all ready, as ready as we can get" He assured, encouraged by the smile that formed on her face. The slightest movement from the baby quickly saw it disappear.

"I want her out" Erin sobbed, pushing him onto his back before resting her head on his chest.

"And she will be soon. It's all going to be okay" He comforted, rubbing her back as she cried, not sure what more he could do. It seemed to take forever for her to calm down, deep shaky breaths slowing as she gave in to exhaustion and slept.

"Where are you going? Don't leave me" She pleaded, woken the moment he moved.

"I have to call Boden, tell him I'm not working tonight" Kelly whispered, placing a pillow where his chest had been.

"Don't go" She croaked, grabbing his hand and holding it tightly.

"I'll be back in a minute" He assured, leaning down to kiss her before loosening her grip on his hand and getting up.

"Kelly please" She called after him but he had already left the room, it was less than a minute before he returned but in that time she had fallen asleep. Smiling at her peaceful expression he wiped away the traces of tears before laying beside her to watch her, and eventually fall asleep himself. Shay had finally requested a nap and pretended to fall asleep in her own bed so Chase would leave. The moment he did she was up and out of the bed, tiptoeing along the hall to her parents room. They were both sleeping and there wasn't much room between them but she managed to fit, curled around her mother's belly with her fathers chest squishing them together every time he inhaled. It was warm and safe and in minutes she was fast asleep.

* * *

For the second time that day Kelly entered the kitchen to find his wife cooking, this time Shay was sitting on the bench helping. Neither of them noticed as he approached but they both saw his finger dip into the bowl for a taste of the pale pink contents. "Daddy!" Shay scolded, pulling the bowl to her chest to protect it from him.

"I thought I was tired" Erin laughed, reaching up to his cheek to trace the red line left by a crease.

"Mmm...yeah, sorry" He yawned.

"Don't be, but if your snoring wakes me up tonight I'm sending you to work" She grinned up at him.

"Harsh" He complained, kissing her forehead as he urged her to reconsider.

"Maybe the couch?" She amended.

"Yes" Shay contributed.

"Didn't you just tell Daddy off for doing that?" Erin questioned as she turned to watch Shay shove her pink fingers into her mouth, trying to hide the evidence. She shook her head then frowned when her mother took the bowl, carrying it to the cupboard where she pulled out a box of cereal. Kelly and Shay watched as she poured the rice bubbles into the melted marshmallow, mixing them together then spooning the mixture into star shaped molds. They took the bowl and remaining mixture while she put the tray in the fridge, trying to remember where she had put the heart shaped molds. "Naughty" She complained when she saw them helping themselves.

"We thought you were done" Kelly said innocently, holding back a smile.

"Sure you did...share?" She asked as she took some spoons from the drawer, handing them each one before using her own to scoop up some of the sticky pink goodness. By the time Chase joined them with a spoon of his own, panting as he recovered from the near panic attack he'd suffered upon finding Shay's bed cold and empty, there wasn't very much left.

"What's next?" Kelly questioned, holding up his spoon.

"I'm going to go for a walk" Erin smiled as she took their spoons, placing them all in the dishwasher.

"Again? You walked to the park this morning" He asked still feeling a little sleepy.

"The doctor said walking might help" She reminded, taking the bowl before Shay could put her face in it.

"Let's go for a walk" He agreed, lifting Shay from the bench before lowering her to the ground. "Socks and shoes" He instructed, following close behind to help. Chase dried the bowl Erin had just washed, she caught his questioning look and nodded. The four of them left the house, talking, laughing and throwing snowballs as they walked. It got cold and dark much faster than Erin would have liked but first thing the next morning she was up and moving. Pacing the kitchen as she ate a slice of toast then the bathroom as she brushed her teeth, determined that gravity and movement would help. As the day dragged on she found herself leaning, on the kitchen bench, dining room table, walls, door frames and the basin. She had no choice but to give up when Kelly forced her into bed, practically carrying her from the bathroom where she'd just thrown up the little food she had managed to eat at dinner. "No more walking" He declared, pulling the covers up over her before bending down to kiss her goodnight. Exhausted and incredibly frustrated she went to sleep, not caring that she was responsible for snoring until the early hours of the morning. She woke to pain radiating from her lower back, it was gone as soon as she realised what it was. Grinning broadly she almost laughed as she rolled over to tell Kelly, deciding against it at the last minute, she didn't want to wake him until she was sure.

**BABY TIME! Who's excited?! :D **


	100. Chapter 100

**This is it guys! One hundred chapters. That's just a little insane right? You should see the wear on my keyboard (I'm really proud of it). I did the Buzzfeed 'Who is your Chicago Fire boyfriend?' Quiz and got Severide. I don't know why I was surprised, I've been writing him for months! Anyway I'm just distracting you! Please enjoy: **

Laying in the dark waiting to feel pain, pain that she might just have imagined or that mightn't come, was surprisingly calming. The house was quiet, her family far away in dreams of their own. Erin didn't need dreams though because she was living one, or she would be if the baby decided to hurry up. As time ticked by the hope she held began to fade, after an hour of waiting she gave up. Monday would just have to be soon enough she concluded as she rolled over and closed her eyes, determined to put it out of her mind and get back to sleep. She was glad she hadn't woken Kelly because she didn't wish the disappointment she was feeling on anyone. It felt like no time had passed when she woke again, thrilled to feel a stronger pain that lasted almost twice as long. Glancing at the clock she was disappointed, three hours was a long time between contractions. Trying to be sensible she went back to sleep. The third time she woke up it was starting to get light outside and she was far to excited to get back to sleep. Two contractions less than five minutes apart made her think things were speeding up but then she didn't feel anything for three quarters of an hour. Running out of things to think about she listened to the birds and traffic outside, letting her mind drift, though it always found its way back to the baby. "Mama?" Shay questioned, Erin had been so distracted thinking about tiny fingers and toes that she hadn't even noticed Shay entering the room.

"Good morning" She whispered back, providing Shay a hand to help her up onto the bed. Shay crawled over her mother's legs then settled between her parents.

"Mama is it very soon yet?" Shay asked as she frowned down at the belly, it had gradually been invading her sleeping space for months and she was getting sick of it.

"Very very soon" She answered, looking to the clock as she waited for further evidence that the baby might be on its way.

"Today?" Shay questioned, trying to get a more exact answer.

"Maybe" She smiled hopefully.

"Chasey said my baby on Monday" Shay complained, then thought about the possibilities if the baby arrived sooner.

"I don't know when she'll get here, sorry" Erin apologised.

"We have cuddles?" Shay announced suddenly very excited for the baby to get out of the way so she could have proper cuddles again.

"Yeah, come here beautiful" She smiled, pulling Shay into a hug before she could get words out to explain herself. For a moment Shay remained stiff but then she couldn't help herself, snuggling up to her mother. "I love you" Erin assured, kissing the top of Shay's head and rubbing her back.

"I love you Mama" Shay mumbled back, voice muffled by her mother's shirt.

"I love you both" Kelly contributed as he rolled towards them, wrapping his arms around them. He kissed them both then flopped onto his back to stretch and yawn.

"Daddy" Shay squealed, launching herself onto his chest. Kelly groaned then decided to get revenge by tickling her. Erin was thankful that Shay held his attention as she breathed her way through a considerably stronger contraction. She knew he would be insanely excited, likely insisting they leave immediately for the hospital. Not for the first time she felt conflicted, desperate to hold the baby but wanting to make the most of the time they had. Watching Shay and Kelly together made up her mind for her, she would stay until the contractions were strong and regular. Fifteen minutes apart the goal she set in her mind. Until then she would spend time with her family, making the most of every moment. Erin and Shay built a city out of blocks on the coffee table while Kelly made breakfast, they ate quickly before demolishing the city and replacing it with a slightly crooked spiral staircase. Kelly wasn't sure why his wife was in such a good mood but quickly decided not to question it. They painted pictures for the baby, sticking them to the wall behind the crib as soon as they were dry. Both adults were slightly shocked that their paintings couldn't easily be distinguished from those of a two year old. By lunch time Erin had started to slow down, the contractions had grown closer together then eased and were now twenty minutes apart and increasingly difficult to disguise.

"Are you alright?" Kelly questioned, taking her hand as she tensed slightly.

"Yeah" Erin assured. She was a well practiced liar but wasn't committed to deceiving him, as a result it wasn't nearly as convincing as she would have liked.

"Okay" He accepted, conscious of the effort she had been making to spend time with Shay.

"I'm fine" She added with an apologetic look.

"Why don't we watch a movie next?" He suggested.

"What movie?" Shay interrupted, throwing her sandwich crust at her father to make sure she had his attention.

"You still have to eat this" Kelly replied, handing back the crust before turning to his wife, he certainly had a preference but she deserved to choose.

"Shay can pick" Erin answered, watching the smile grow on her daughter's face. "If she eats all her lunch" She added when she caught Kelly's eye.

"I eat" Shay assured, stuffing more bread into her mouth now that the fillings were gone. The moment she was finished she climbed off her chair and ran into the lounge room, returning with a DVD case seconds later.

"What did you choose?" Erin asked curiously.

"Fwozen!" Shay giggled, it was the obvious choice.

"Good idea, lets go!" Erin enthused as she got up, patting Kelly's shoulder as she moved past him to follow Shay.

"I icy princess like Elsa" Shay explained as she supervised her mother putting the disk in the DVD player, then handing over the remote control once she sat down. Erin was sure she'd seen the movie a hundred times over the past few weeks, the moment it had started to snow Frozen had become Shay's favourite movie. The fact that the characters were sisters made her love it even more, she couldn't wait to build a snowman with her little sister.

"I know" Erin nodded, pulling Shay close as she started the movie. Kelly arrived at the end of the first song, trapping Shay between them so she squealed and laughed. He had no idea why Erin kept checking her phone but it was extremely distracting, occurring every twelve minutes exactly. Drawn in by Olaf's antics he didn't realise anything was wrong until she didn't return from a trip upstairs to the bathroom. He was just getting up to and check on her when Hank arrived, momentarily distracted by exchanging greetings.

"Just thought I'd drop by" Hank explained as he made his way inside.

"Yeah, Shay's just watching the end of a movie. Could you keep an eye on her for a sec?" Kelly asked, biting his lip as he looked up the stairs.

"Sure, is everything okay?" Hank called after Kelly, taking the stairs two at a time as soon as he had confirmation.

"Yeah" Kelly assured, looking over his shoulder but not stopping. He had known something was wrong and wished he had done something sooner, bursting into the bathroom without hesitation. Steam blurred the glass but he could still see Erin, standing fully clothed in the shower. Her mouth opened to speak but she was distracted, leaning forward against the wall before moaning appreciatively as the hot water eased the pain of the contraction. "Oh" He gasped, exactly twelve minutes, it all made sense.

"I'm so sorry" She said the moment she could, turning to look at him as a massive grin formed on his face. Kelly didn't have any words and for a moment he was paralyzed by his excitement, the moment he could move he crossed the room not stopping until he held her face in his hands. Chuckling softly before kissing her firmly. "I should have told you" She apologised as she caught her breath, not sure whether the contraction or kiss had been responsible for the momentary lack of oxygen.

"It's okay, it's fine...it's perfect. Hank's here, we don't have to wait any more. I want to see her, hold her... I'll get the bags" He replied rapidly.

"No...not yet" She said firmly, reality clawing back as she turned off the water.

"But..."

"Not yet, we're staying here until they're less than ten minutes apart" She smiled, hating to disappoint him. He busied himself peeling away her clothes as he tried to work out the best way to change her mind.

"Okay, if you're sure" He nodded, unconvinced but determined to trust her. After opening the glass door he pulled a towel from the hook, wrapping it around her before rubbing her arms.

"Yeah, I'm sure. The third ones are just stronger" She explained, resisting his help by taking a step back, holding out a towel as he removed his soaked shirt and jeans. As he straightened he saw the crib through the open bathroom door, not sure it was possible to smile any wider. Erin reached around to drape the towel over his shoulders, feeling the love in his gaze when his eyes met hers. Kelly kissed her again then followed her into the bedroom to find dry clothes. Once they were dried and dressed they made their way back downstairs. As a detective Hank immediately noticed Kelly's change of clothes, as well as his inability to make eye contact, coming to a conclusion about as far from the truth as was possible. Erin completely missed the looks being exchanged, focusing on Shay and the house she was building for her toy badger. Eventually Hank tried to start a conversation, detailing the intelligence units most recent drugs bust, not particularly bothered that no one seemed to be listening. Erin surprised him by responding and they continued to talk while Kelly helped Shay rebuild. Putting the badger in the house she had built had caused it to collapse, so now they were building around it instead.

"I can go if you'd like" Hank said gruffly as he caught them staring at each other again, both smiling like lovesick teenagers.

"No please" Erin replied immediately, breaking eye contact with Kelly as she spoke, eyes asking him to stay. He looked unconvinced so she decided to elaborate. "It's just...the baby is on it's way"

"Oh, okay umm..." Hank responded, a combination of surprise, horror and excitement crossing his face before he put on his usual blank expression.

"I'm fine" She assured. "I'm staying for now."

"Um...yeah...okay...yeah that's good" He agreed, swallowing hard as he processed exactly what that meant.

"I'm totally fine" She repeated for Hank and herself as another contraction rippled through her body, starting in her back then moving around and down.

"You'll talk to...?" He checked, pointing at Shay, singing as she dropped blocks onto her stuffed badger.

"Yeah, in a little bit" Erin assured, Shay noticed the change in their conversation and got up, letting the blocks clatter to the floor as she dragged the badger behind her. Putting it on the couch next to her mother before climbing up.

"Mama?"

"Yes?" Erin asked, looking straight into her bright blue eyes.

"Grandpa have crunchy soft?" Shay questioned, using the name she had made up for the rice bubble and marshmallow stars.

"He can have a crunchy soft if he wants. Daddy will help you get them" She smiled, watching Shay jump from the couch, barely missing the coffee table.

"Yes!" Shay announced with a triumphant smile, taking her father's hand to go to the kitchen. Erin could see that Hank wanted to say something, she assumed he was going to ask what on earth he was about to be offered but he was still coming to terms with the fact that she would soon be having the baby.

"Erin, I know you can do this" He mumbled supportively, struggling to look her in the eye for more than a few seconds.

"I've done it before" She reminded, thankful for the confidence boost but shocked by the concern in his eyes.

"I'll look after Shay for as long as you need, she'll be fine so just focus on yourself for a bit" He smiled wishing he could think of a better way to say what he was feeling.

"I will, thank you" Erin smiled, she would have gotten up and hugged him if Shay and Kelly hadn't returned at that moment forcing a plate of pink stars towards him. Hank had never been keen on sweet things but he pretended for Shay's benefit. As it neared four o'clock Erin felt a change, the contractions were closer together and far stronger but she didn't want to leave Shay yet. An hour later they were between five and seven minutes apart but she still got up to start making dinner. Hank and Shay played in the lounge room while Kelly helped in the kitchen, keeping close to her the entire time. After dinner they sped through Shay's bedtime routine, Kelly wanted to get Erin to the hospital but she wanted Shay to get to sleep first. The words were nearly unintelligible as she read Shay's bedtime story, tucking her in tightly the moment it was over. "Shay, listening?" Erin asked. Seeking Shay's attention in order to make sure she understood what was happening.

"Yes Mama" Shay answered obediently.

"I won't be here when you wake up in the morning. Grandpa Hank will be, but I'll be at the hospital getting your baby sister" She explained.

"Now?!" Shay demanded, thinking it was quite unreasonable for the baby to arrive at bedtime.

"Yeah, now" She nodded, closing her eyes as she fought through a contraction.

"You make her stop hiding so we cuddle and library" Shay instructed after thinking for a moment.

"Sure thing" She confirmed with a smile.

"Mama...you love me?" Shay questioned unexpectedly.

"Of course. Shay, I love you so much and that is never ever going to change" Erin assured, rubbing circles on Shay's back.

"I love you too Mama... and baby sister" Shay replied with a smile.

"She's really excited to meet you" Erin enthused, the mental picture she had of Shay with the baby was so much closer to being real.

"I sleepy Mama" Shay yawned, suddenly struggling to stay awake.

"Close your eyes" Erin whispered waiting until Shay did before leaning down to kiss each of her eyelids. "Sleep well beautiful big sister. I love you Shay"

"Love you more" Shay insisted, her head flopping to the side as she fell asleep. Erin watched her until the next contraction subsided, kissing Shay's cheek before getting up and leaving the room. Kelly had carried the two bags she had packed, one for herself and one for the baby, to the bottom of the stairs and now stood waiting for her at the top.

"Ready?'' He asked, taking her arm so he could help her down the stairs.

"Very" She nodded, stopping on the top step while he moved down one, leveling their faces so she barely had to move to kiss him. He let out a nervous laugh as she pulled away, taking the first step.

"How close are they now?" Kelly questioned as they reached the halfway point.

"Mmm" She supplied, not really wanting to answer.

"How close?" He insisted.

"Between three and five minutes, they're almost random" She laughed, stopping to grip the railing firmly, it hadn't even been two minutes since the last one. It was definitely time to get to the hospital.

"Love you kid" Hank croaked giving her a quick hug as she stopped at the door. "See you soon little one" He added, letting his hand stop on her belly for a moment.

"Love you, I'll call you" Erin replied, letting Kelly help her down the front stairs and into the car. The drive to the hospital didn't take long and minutes after arriving at the hospital they were settled in a room. The midwife introduced herself before asking a series of questions to assess how quickly they would need to move to the delivery room at the end of the hall.

"You're at six centimeters, we'll keep you in here until you're eight or more. Just stay calm, keep breathing and I'll be back to check again soon. Press the call button if your waters break" The midwife instructed upon concluding her physical examination. Erin nodded her understanding trying to breathe deeply though the intense pain and pressure made it difficult.

"Does it hurt?" Kelly asked, dropping his phone onto the table after letting Hank know they'd arrived, now he could focus on his wife.

"Yeah" She laughed, it was a stupid question but she didn't blame him, he was scared and excited, possibly more so than she was.

"Sorry" He groaned, standing up so that he was as close as he could be without joining her on the bed.

"It's okay, it's fine, just talk to me" She instructed, reaching across for his hand, his sweaty palms made her smile.

"Umm" He struggled, suddenly unable to think of a single thing worth saying.

"What did you think the first time you saw me?" She questioned, certain it would be an amusing tale.

"You don't want to know" He mumbled, thinking that the fact he remembered at all should be more important than the thoughts themselves.

"I definitely do now" Erin encouraged.

"It was inappropriate...involved handcuffs... I was a different person back then" He tried to remind her.

"I know" She laughed.

"I saw you as a challenge" He expanded.

"I thought you were an idiot, hot but shallow..." She shared in return.

"Really?"

"Oh yeah"

"What changed your mind?" He questioned, not sure what he had or hadn't done to have given her that impression.

"Meeting you. The way you reacted when Katie went missing.. Everything changed when I actually got to know you" She explained.

"Good. The more I got to know you the less I wanted to have sex with you"

"Nice"

"I didn't want one night with you, I wanted all of them. And I've got that so I'm the happiest man in the world"

"You'll be happier in a few hours"

"I will be, she's going to be beautiful"

"She's going to be big" Erin replied slowly, she had always been the type to grit her teeth and ignore pain but the contraction was so much stronger than all the others.

"What can I do?" Kelly asked, already rubbing her lower back and holding her hand.

"You're doing it, you're here" She tried to joke. He smiled and nodded before betting on the baby's birth weight, diaper changing duty the stakes they settled on. From their the conversation meandered, topics ranging from dinosaurs to boy bands to distract Erin. The contractions seemed to have plateaued, the first one always followed two minutes later by a brutal series of three or four that Erin struggled with. After half an hour the midwife checked in, providing support for a few moments before reporting that she still had a way to go before being moved to the delivery room. Over the next hour Erin found it increasingly difficult to stay calm, the contractions continued at the same rate but nothing else seemed to be happening. The baby's heart rate was still on the healthy side of normal so the midwife was quick to oblige when Erin requested a shower.

"I love you so much" Kelly blurted every time Erin made a noise, even just a sigh of relief. At first it made things a little easier but as he repeated it over and over until she wanted to hit him for speaking.

"Shut up" She growled as he declared his love for the millionth time.

"I feel useless" He reasoned in response, standing from where he had been sitting on the toilet. He didn't care that it was the second time he'd entered a shower fully clothed that day, he needed to be closer to her. Erin didn't have any arguments, positioning him so she could lean forward against his chest, gripping his shirt tightly and letting out a moan as the next contraction hit. She'd tied her hair back in the car on the way to the hospital but her fringe had escaped so every now and then he tucked the hair behind her ears, not sure if it was damp with sweat or shower water. He kissed her as often as he thought was reasonable, holding her face with one hand as the other massaged her shoulder or back. She seemed to appreciate his actions more than his words. The midwife joked about delivering the baby in the shower when Erin argued against getting out after her waters broke. Kelly ended the conflict by turning off the water, Erin glared at him but was thankful for the intervention. Dried and in a hospital gown time seemed to rush by as they moved to the delivery room and talked with the doctor for the first time. She didn't want to wait to start pushing, eager to get the baby out as soon as possible, but she couldn't bring herself to disobey the doctor. After twenty minutes she simply couldn't resist any longer, the doctor gave the go ahead and she didn't hold back. Erin thought she was tired after half an hour but when an hour and a half passed and the baby had barely moved she was exhausted, ready to give up and sleep. She would have had it not been for the almost constant contractions and endless encouragement from everyone in the room, especially her husband. Kelly wished there was something he could do to help, watching her suffer seemingly endlessly was they worst kind of torture.

"Keep it going Erin" The doctor encouraged.

"I don't think I can" She admitted weakly, starting to think that the fear during Shay's birth had been worth it because she'd arrived so quickly.

"You're doing really well" He added as she put in as little effort as was possible.

"I don't think I'm doing anything" She argued, particularly frustrated that she wasn't yet holding her baby.

"You're definitely doing something, each push gets her a little closer" The midwife contributed.

"Hardly" She assured.

"Erin you can't stop now" The doctor said firmly as she tried to resist the urge to push, unfortunately that took almost as much energy to do.

"Stop?! I've barely started!" She complained angrily.

"Stop wasting energy arguing" Kelly suggested boldly, as shocked by his words as she was. After releasing his hand she channeled her frustration into getting the baby out. She made some serious progress over the next half hour then grew so tired that the doctor dimmed the light and let her rest. Pushing when she could as she drifted in and out of consciousness left her feeling as if the whole thing were a dream. It was certainly dreamlike to wake up in a glowing white room as Kelly called her name softly.

"Hmm?" She groaned, squinting as she struggled to stay alert.

"She's so close"

"I want her now"

"You just gotta push"

"Yeah" Erin nodded, a fresh wave of motivation hitting her. Pouring every ounce of energy she could muster into the task at hand. She didn't care that she was loud because it was working, first the head then the struggle to get her broad shoulders out. "Kelly, you have to stop. You're breaking my hand" She laughed, his eyes transfixed on what could be seen of their baby.

"I'm sorry" He gasped, releasing the hand. The fact that he was pale and sweaty made her feel slightly better, she wasn't alone. Brief silences followed moans, grunts and groans as their baby slowly entered the world. It seemed to take forever but it was all worth it the moment their perfect daughter was placed on Erin's chest. Blue eyes unfocused and wild for a moment, locking with her mother's before starting to wail. The most perfect noise in the world. All Erin could do was look at her, she seemed to small, tiny grasping fingers with sharp little fingernails, legs stretching out straight for the first time in months. The sweetest face with big eyes, chubby cheeks, a tiny nose and perfect red lips. She was so much bigger than Shay had been but nowhere near as pink. Everything about her was so perfect. "Hi baby" Erin smiled, pressing her lips to the small forehead, shocking the baby enough that she stopped crying. "I love you"

"More than anything" Kelly added not specifically speaking to either of them. He had been taking in every detail, unable to tear his eyes away until he was sure he'd memorized it all. Erin didn't know why she looked up but she did, looking at her husband she was sure she could see his features in the baby's face. Neither of them had noticed the tears than escaped their eyes, both surprised to see the other crying, a release of the intense emotions they felt. Kelly had honestly never loved her so much, in complete awe of her strength and perseverance, and her ability to make perfect babies. Shay was perfect and small but this baby was perfect and big. They didn't find out how big until a little while later. After kissing each other and the baby countless times the midwife interrupted, handing Kelly scissors to cut the umbilical cord. His hand shook and his eyes were blurred with tears but he managed, she was an independent being.

"Dad if you bring her over here and we'll weigh and measure her" The midwife instructed next.

"Say hello to Daddy" Erin smiled, kissing the baby's forehead before passing her to her father for the first time.

"Hello baby girl" Kelly greeted hands large and sure as he held her to his chest, moving slowly and carefully, regularly glancing back to see Erin watching.

"Wow" The midwife commented, the brief moment of lifting the baby to her mother's chest hadn't been enough to judge her weight. "She's ten pounds" She announced next

"Seriously?" He questioned. She didn't look that big but when he thought back to how much smaller Shay had been in his hands he started to see that maybe she was.

"Yeah, your wife has done an incredible job getting her here without medical intervention" The midwife said, sounding quite impressed. She expertly wrapped the baby in a pink, yellow and white striped blanket before adding a small pink beanie.

"She is incredible, always" Kelly smiled, lifting their new daughter up so that he could carry her back to her mother. Now that he knew how much she weighed she did feel heavier in his hands. Heavy, beautiful and alert: perfect. "Ten pounds of perfect" He informed as he handed her back.

"I told you she was big" Erin grinned, hearing that she was ten pounds made her feel slightly better about how hard it had been to give birth to her.

"Why'd you only bet eight and a half pounds then?" He questioned.

"That's what the sonographer said she'd be at the last ultrasound" She answered, it had been an educated guess and he had won, betting nine and a half pounds.

"We'll you're both wrong but I'll still change diapers" He assured, smiling victoriously not because he had won the bet but because he had a beautiful baby daughter.

"Damn right you will" She agreed with nod.

"What is he...?" Kelly questioned, only just having realised that the doctor was still working away between his wife's legs.

"Hey, no...don't look" Erin requested, holding eye contact until she was sure he would do as he was told. She didn't want to look herself, or think about it for that matter. "Isn't she beautiful" She said softly watching as her daughter reached a hand up, slipping her pinky into her mouth to suck on in the exact same way Shay did.

"Shay does that" He noted, pulling out his phone to take a photo, not sure how long she would stay still. If they put the photo's next to each other they probably wouldn't have been able to tell the difference, Shay had been almost four months old when hers was taken.

"What time is it?" She asked, wondering if they could call Hank and get him to bring Shay. She was a big sister now and Erin couldn't think of anything more perfect than her two girls together.

"Quarter past five" He informed, slipping the phone back into his pocket. It had been there all night, even in the shower but he hadn't kept track of the time. Now he was starting to feel tired.

"This time yesterday I was laying awake imagining this moment" She laughed.

"And?" He questioned, wanting to know how they compared.

"And this is so much better" She assured, reaching for his hand so she could pull him closer. "We have two perfect daughters" She said for the first time aloud, it sounded perfect.

"Thank you, for everything. You're absolutely incredible" He said seriously.

"You're amazing, and I know I was rude but I am so glad you were here" She replied, he had contributed far more strength and motivation than he knew and she wanted to try and thank him for that.

"Here is a pretty awesome place to be" He decided, repeating this sentiment when they were moved back to her room. Holding his wife who held their daughter he wasn't sure how he was able to sit still, so filled with joy that he could have run a marathon or jumped from a plane. It was surprising that Erin fell asleep after watching their baby for a short while. Kelly left the baby in her arms until she started to gurgle, looking forward to a few hours alone with their precious new arrival.

**I was going to announce her name today but I'm actually really nervous about it... I told a friend and she told me it was terrible so that kinda crushed my confidence. Anyways, I hope you're looking forward to Shay meeting the baby for the first time. **

**Oh and... we've got a new life so I think it's about time for a death :O **


	101. Chapter 101

Waking to the sound of Kelly talking to the baby made Erin feel a surge of thankfulness, once again everything had turned out well. There had been moments of doubt, from herself and the medical team but none of that mattered now that the baby was here and healthy. She was still alert, cooing up at her father as he told her all about the home and family she had waiting. Erin wanted to hold her again, just to make sure that she was as perfect and beautiful as she remembered, but watching them bond was so heartwarming that she didn't want to interrupt. Erin wasn't sure if he lost his train of thought or if something had happened when he suddenly stopped speaking. Wondering if he had sensed that she was awake she waited for his blue eyes to look up, but they didn't and after a moment the baby made a small gasping noise, as if she was struggling to get enough air into her lungs. "Is she okay?" Erin questioned, sitting bolt upright if she hadn't felt quite so dizzy she probably would have kept moving.

"Just has the hiccups" He explained with a smile, she wasn't sure if he was proud of the baby or if he was just glad to see her awake.

"Oh" She nodded, breathing a sigh of relief as he got up and moved closer, until she could see the the baby was perfectly fine, chest regularly tightening with her hiccups. He could see the lingering doubt in her eyes so he leaned down, kissing his wife's forehead as he placed their daughter in her arms.

"How are you?" Kelly questioned as he straightened, hand immediately moving to the remote, raising the head of the bed so that Erin could sit back comfortably. He didn't want to admit that he had been waiting to use the controls.

"Good, amazing, I feel like I slept forever" She answered, finding it difficult to explain. It was hard to determine if it was because the sleep had been what she had needed or if she was simply overwhelmed with delight that the baby had finally arrived.

"Just a few hours" He assured, he didn't want her to think that she'd missed very much.

"What have you been doing?" She asked, just as he had anticipated, he smiled at his ability to predict her thoughts before replying.

"Well we talked for a bit, then she slept for a little while, just dozing for half an hour. After that the nurse came in and we gave her a quick bath and got her dressed. We've been talking since."

"When did you sneak this one in?" She questioned, tracing the red tractor embroidered on the navy blue outfit.

"Last night while you were reading to Shay, it's the only one that fits" He explained with a smile, none of the pretty pink and purple outfits she had packed fit their wonderfully big baby.

"Shay's going to love it..." Erin smiled thinking about Shay for the first time. "You said a few hours, does that mean it's morning? can we call Hank?" She questioned excitedly, wanting her daughters to meet as soon as possible.

"It's almost eight so they're probably already awake. Do you want to do it or should I?" He asked, crossing the room to unplug his phone from the charger.

"You can" She declared, noticing his look of surprise. "I just want a moment"

"Okay, just take it easy" He smiled in response, thinking back to the way she had sat up so quickly the colour drained from her face. Even though she looked fine again he wanted her to remember that she had asked a lot of her body in the last twenty-four hours.

"I will" She assured. Kelly stepped out of the room to make the call, wanting to give Erin the moment of peaceful alone time that she desired. Erin wasn't sure she would ever tire of staring into the dark newborn blue eyes, unconsciously rubbing circles on her back, the hiccups had subsided minutes earlier. Looking at the baby she had made over nine long months was completely surreal, she had been there all along but they were still in the process of meeting each other. "Hi baby girl, I love you so much..." She said softly, cut off as the baby's arm reached up, hand grasping at her mouth. "I'll be quiet then" Erin promised, five tiny fingers wrapping around the single finger she used to move the hand from her mouth. It didn't take long for her thoughts to drift to the daughter she had left at home, anxiety growing as she hoped for a smooth introduction. By the time Kelly returned Erin was visibly distressed, she wanted Shay to love her baby sister but had little to no control over it.

"Hey, what's up?" He enquired as he moved to her side, placing a hand on her shoulder as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"I hope Shay likes her" Erin answered, doubt and fear obvious in her voice.

"Shay is going to love her little sister" He guaranteed.

"I wish she had a name" She said, bringing up the other thing that was bothering her.

"She does..." Kelly said softly, unsure of himself.

"You thought of something?" She asked, already smiling.

"Yeah, I wasn't even thinking about names when it came to me...But I don't think you'll like it" He elaborated, uncertainty growing with each passing second.

"But you think it's the one?" She questioned, he had been expecting her to ask what the name was so it took him a moment to answer.

"It might be" He shrugged.

"It is" She decided, there was no rational thought behind it, it just seemed like the right thing to do. Now she had to hope it was a good name.

"You haven't even heard it" He dismissed.

"Then tell me" She requested supportively, adjusting her hold of the baby so she could give his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Don't laugh" He instructed firmly.

"I won't"

"I want to call her Ember" He stated flatly, wanting to keep emotion out of it.

"Ember?" Erin asked, checking she had heard him correctly and testing the name. She kept her expression neutral as she processed the name.

"Ember Colette Severide"

"Colette?" She asked, genuinely curious to hear the origin of the name.

"It has the same arrangement of vowels and consonants as Camille" He provided

"Ember" Erin said again, making Kelly shift from foot to foot in anticipation, surely she knew by now whether or not she liked it.

"Em, Emmy or Emby for short?" He added, it somehow ended up sounding like a question but he was just trying to fill the silence.

"Mmm" She hummed thoughtfully after a long pause

"So?" He asked, allowing himself to sound a little hopeful though he was sure she was trying to think of a nice way to dissuade him.

"Ember" She repeated absentmindedly.

"Do you like it?" Kelly questioned directly when she didn't speak.

"Yeah...yeah I do" She said with a half laugh, surprised herself by the instant connection she had with the name.

"Really?" He demanded, wondering if she was just trying to spare his feelings.

"Don't sound so surprised" She instructed, only just realising how nervous he had been.

"I just... I'm a fireman so I thought you'd laugh" He justified weakly.

"I like it though, it's a pretty name. Ember, not showy like flames. The power of the fire, burning brightly..." She explained, not sure how to convince him she genuinely liked it.

"Exactly" He nodded eagerly.

"Welcome to the world Ember Colette Severide" Erin concluded after another long pause.

"Are you sure?" Kelly asked seriously.

"Yes, it's perfect. Thank you" She sighed reaching up to grab his shirt so she could pull him in for a kiss.

"What's perfect?" Hank asked from the doorway.

"MAMA!" Shay yelled, completely overshadowing her grandpa's appearance with her noise and enthusiasm.

"Good morning Shay" Erin said, handing Ember to Kelly quickly before pulling Shay onto the bed with Hank's help. Shay didn't care about the words, she wanted a hug and went straight for it, wrapping her arms around her mother's neck before settling into the embrace. Happy to be in one of the safest places in the world. "How did you sleep?"

"I miss you" Shay announced, almost scolding her mother for not being there.

"I'm sorry princess, I was busy" Erin explained.

"Is that my baby?" Shay questioned as she turned to look at the bundle in her father's arms, pink stiped blanket hanging loose so the navy fleece was visible.

"Yeah" Erin nodded.

"Daddy me see baby" Shay declared, standing on the bed in her excitement.

"Okay, here you go" Kelly smiled, handing Ember back to his wife so Shay could get a closer look.

"She my baby sister?" Shay checked as she looked at the small human.

"Yes, this is your little sister" Erin explained.

"She baby" Shay reminded helpfully.

"A little baby, she's just like you but smaller. She has a little nose, a little mouth, her eyes and ears are little too. Small hands and feet." Erin enthused.

"Mama, she lived in your belly?" Shay asked as she tried to understand.

"Yeah"

"How she get out?" Shay questioned curiously, unfamiliar with the bewildered looks on her parent's faces.

"Mummy had to give her a push" Kelly supplied.

"A push?" Shay demanded, unconvinced.

"Lots of pushes" He corrected hopefully, Erin wanted him to stop talking, he was just confusing her.

"Pushing mean, hurt others, say sorry Mama" Shay requested firmly.

"Not like that" Kelly tried to backtrack regretting getting involved in the first place. Shay decided to let her parents figure it out in a battle of looks as she paid attention to the baby.

"Mama?" Shay asked after a long time, sitting together in silence.

"Yeah?" Erin acknowledged.

"Me hold baby sister?" Shay asked quietly.

"You can hold her hand if you'd like" Erin substituted.

"Yes" Shay agreed, reaching across for the small hand. "Mama?" Shay questioned again, having had the chance to look more closely at the little fingers.

"Yes?"

"We keep her?" Shay asked, trying not to seem worried either way.

"Yeah we're going to keep her" Erin assured, smiling up at Kelly as she did so.

"She come home now?"

"Not right now but soon" Erin explained, hoping Shay had the patience.

"How soon?" Shay desperately wanted to know, if it was as long as it had taken for her to be born she wasn't going to be able to wait.

"I don't know" Erin answered honestly, not wanting to misinform Shay, she wanted to ask the doctor that herself as soon as she got the chance. 

"Why?" Shay asked.

"Because that's up to the doctor."

"Okay" Shay accepted, sitting on her mother's lap so that the baby was right between them. Shay half holding, half hugging the strange little being. After a little while Erin repositioned them, unwrapping Ember before laying her flat in the middle of the bed, a leg either side with Shay between her feet. Shay seemed quite pleased to talk to her little sister, loving the little kicks and punches into the air she got in response. Erin turned her attention to Hank and Kelly now, listening to their conversation before joining it.

"You did good kid, ten pound isn't bad" Hank congratulated in his typical fashion, she knew he was incredibly pleased deep down.

"Sorry, did you want to hold her?" Erin asked, not sure she'd be able to get Ember away from Shay for very long.

"Looks like she's busy at the moment, I'll look at her properly later" He replied. For a moment all three adults watched Shay, holding her hands out flat as Ember pressed her much smaller hands against them. Then Erin realised someone was missing.

"Why didn't Chase come with you?" She questioned, wondering if Hank had even thought to ask the young man, he was a part of their family.

"He didn't come home last night" Hank shrugged.

"What?" Erin questioned, concerned.

"He probably just stayed for another shift, I'll call him in a little bit" Kelly suggested, it was a perfectly reasonable explanation and Erin accepted it for the time being. A few moments later they were telling Hank and Shay the baby's name, both seemed satisfied with Ember and referred to her by name from that moment on.

"Mama Ember hungry" Shay informed a little while later.

"How can you tell?" Erin asked turning her attention to the pair as Kelly and Hank continued talking without her.

"She bite me"

"She doesn't have any teeth" Erin smiled.

"She bite..." Shay insisted with a frown.

"She's sucking your finger" Erin rephrased for her.

"She hungry"

"Should I feed her?" 

"Yes" Shay agreed. Erin lifted Ember then untied the hospital gown at one shoulder, focusing on getting her to latch properly. "Mama what you doing?" Shay questioned, highly confused.

"I'm feeding your sister" Erin informed. After an extensive conversation on the differences between moo moo milk and Mama milk Shay seemed happier. Their next discussion highlights the difference between hitting and burping, Shay not sure that her mother wasn't hurting Ember by patting her back. Erin looked tired and pale again and Ember had fallen asleep so Kelly ended the visit. Shay was reluctant to leave until she was certain that Ember would still be there when she came back. Hank used watching a movie as bribery and Shay finally complied, hugging both her parents tightly and kissing her little sister on the head on her way out.

"You feeling alright?" Kelly checked, concerned that her colour still hadn't returned.

"Yeah" Erin assured though she did feel a little strange, she didn't want to admit it for fear of doctors and nurses ruining their peace. Her yawns grew closer together and her eyelids started to droop, then she started shaking because she was cold and he knew for sure something was wrong. Seconds after he pressed the call button to get a nurse the machine monitoring her vital signs started to beep.

"What's happening?" He demanded before the nurse even had a chance to look at Erin properly, now drifting in and out of consciousness.

"Her blood pressure is low, I've called for the doctor, he should be here in a minute. Try and keep her awake" The nurse instructed as she left Kelly to see how far off the doctor was. He sat the bed at a right angle and put Ember in the small clear crib before tapping Erin's cheek sharply.

"What?" She questioned immediately.

"You have to stay awake" He ordered, trying to remain calm despite the overwhelming concern he felt.

"Oh" She yawned, closing her eyes for a second then locking eyes with him.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, determined to keep her awake and alert until the doctor arrived.

"Not good" Erin admitted, when she did look around the world spun sickeningly.

"The doctor's on his way, you just have to stay awake"

"I'm sorry"

"Hey, none of that. Everything is going to be fine if you just stay awake"

"I'm so cold" She shuddered, teeth chattering as she leaned towards him. Kelly pulled his wife into a hug, feeling slightly relieved to have her safe in his arms. "I love you" She added as she snuggled against his chest.

"I love you too" He assured, wondering how far away the doctor was. It wasn't until her head lolled to the side that he realised she was gone, unconscious. The doctor stormed into the room, not speaking until he'd checked the monitor and Erin. "What's going on?" He asked the doctor as gloved hands pulled back the blankets and sheets.

"She's bleeding more than we'd like" The doctor explained but Kelly could barely register the words, shocked to see a considerable blood stain on the sheet where she had been sitting.

"Is she going to be okay?" Kelly asked.

"I've asked for a bag of blood and I've given her an injection to help with clotting" The doctor provided.

"But will she be okay?" He questioned.

"Most likely" The doctor said, giving as much information as he could to the man. Kelly still couldn't process it and turned to look at Ember, certain he would find comfort in his daughter. Ember was being lifted up and carried away by a nurse but he was quick to stop it, taking the baby into his arms before she could be taken to the nursery. As the bag of blood started running into Erin's arm he knew he had to do something. The only thing he could think of involved removing Ember's clothes, leaving her in a singlet and diaper before untying Erin's hospital gown so they were skin to skin. It didn't seem like much time had passed before they were hanging another bag of blood, in that moment Kelly decided to call Hank. It took three attempts but finally the grumpy sergeant answered, not even mentioning Shay as he assured the younger man that he was on his way.

* * *

"Mmm" Erin groaned groggily as she regained consciousness.

"Erin, hi" Kelly greeted, kissing her firmly before stepping back. Hank leaned down to hug her next.

"What's going on?" She questioned, the last thing she remembered was Hank and Shay leaving, seeing Hank without Shay didn't help her feel calm.

"You had a bit of a bleed" Kelly explained in as little detail as he could, thinking about the amount of blood she had lost made him feel sick.

"Oh" She acknowledged, that explained the dizziness.

"It's all okay now, the doctors stabilized you and you're awake and looking so much better, I love you so much" Kelly told her firmly as she eyed Hank. He had smiled when he had hugged her but now he looked grim, something was wrong and it wasn't just her minor health scare.

"Hank, what's happening? Where's Shay?" She asked urgently.

"Shay's with Cindy and Gabby at your place" Hank informed simply, answering the question and nothing more.

"Still no sign of Chase?" She asked, looking to Kelly who still hadn't bothered to call and check in on the man who was an adult child to them. She really hoped he was okay and that that wasn't what Hank was thinking about with a sad frown on his face. When she lay back and closed her eyes for a moment Hank took Kelly out into the hall to talk. She couldn't hear what was being said and she couldn't get out of bed, still feeling dreadfully lightheaded. Her resolve to trust Hank lasted all of five minutes when they reentered the room following their man to man in the corridor. "What's going on?" She demanded trying to read their faces. Both Hank and Kelly looked pained, as if they were at a funeral, then she realised that they would only be looking that way because somebody had died. "Who?" She croaked, struggling to get the word out past the lump that had formed in her throat.

"Erin I'm really sorry" Hank started, ignoring the disapproving look Kelly gave him. Neither of them wanted to tell her, especially not right now when her health and her baby were the things that should be on her mind.

"No" She gasped, hand flying to her mouth as she thought of Chase's cheeky grin. He had never not come home from work when he was supposed to so she should have realised something was wrong much sooner.

"Some officers on patrol got called to a domestic dispute last night, as they were leaving they spotted something in an alley. Her body" Hank tried to explain, starting at the start so she had all the available information.

"Her?" Erin demanded, majorly confused.

"Erin your mother was murdered last night"

**Thoughts? Do you like the name? I really wanted to build the tension more but I ran out of time to write - unexpected family visit for Easter :/ **


	102. Chapter 102

Erin's face cycled through all the expressions it could make, settling on the most neutral as her brain fought to understand what had just been said. Hank and Kelly stood watching her, waiting for some kind of reaction but minutes later when she still hadn't moved Kelly couldn't help himself.

"I'm so sorry babe" He said as he moved towards her, reaching for her hand. She didn't turn to look at him but retracted both hands, crossing her arms.

"Erin?" Hank questioned getting impatient, she didn't even hear him, her mind somewhere else entirely.

"Oh" She responded at last, a full five minutes after Hank had broken the news, it was an incredibly delayed response. Completely unemotive as if she was simply acknowledging the fact he had spoken.

"I've got everyone working the case, we'll find whoever is responsible" Hank guaranteed.

"Okay" She nodded, still staring off into the distance, it was as if she didn't really care. Maybe she didn't.

"Kid, are you alright?" Hank asked, he wasn't sure how he'd expected her to act but this wasn't it.

"Yeah" She replied, instantly dismissive. "I'm fine, you can go" She added as he frowned. He had been just as worried as Kelly was, both pacing the room for hours as the bag of blood slowly drained into her arm yet she didn't seem to care. Then he realised that she just wanted him to get back to work, to find the person responsible for her mother's death. Thinking about what would happen if he didn't, she'd probably try to go herself, he made the decision to leave.

"I'll call you when I know anything" He assured, moving to give her a hug. They weren't typically the hugging type but he felt the circumstances permitted, it was awkward to hug someone who sat there stiffly. As he stood back from the hug he caught her eye, she gave a small nod and he smiled before leaving the room. Kelly didn't know what to do so he sat beside her, giving her the time she clearly needed to process the news.

"Where's Ember?" Erin asked, she didn't know why she looked down at her chest, the baby wasn't there.

"Just here?" He explained, the end of the bed blocking her view of the crib.

"Can you pass her here?" She instructed.

"I don't want to wake her" Kelly said softly, looking at their daughter, peacefully sleeping.

"Give me my baby" She demanded firmly.

"Sorry" He said quickly, lifting the baby and handing her over, scolding himself for being so careless. She had not long woken up from the involuntary shut down of her body due to blood loss and found out her mother was not only dead but had been murdered. He needed to be more considerate. "Are you alright? Is there anything I can do" He asked softly. Erin looked up, she had momentarily managed to forget what had happened along with everything going on outside the room.

"I don't know how to feel" She admitted after thinking for a long time. Sad, happy, angry, relieved, there were any number of emotions to feel but she was completely numb. It was easier to put it out of her mind and focus on Ember.

"That's okay" He assured, holding back on his desire to hug her.

"I mean, I don't...didn't like her but she was still my mother. What if our girls feel like this when I die?" She asked out of the blue, taking him completely by surprise.

"No, Erin don't say that, don't think it. I was far too close to losing you today. She was your mother, you didn't get to choose her but you did with us and our girls. We're your family" He answered passionately.

"I want to see Shay again, now" She decided as she thought about what he had said, she was amazed that he had been able to justify what she was feeling when she hadn't. He was right, she had chosen her family.

"I'll call Cindy, she'll bring her in" He suggested, feeling useful to be able to do something. Before he could leave the room the doctor entered, pleased to see his patient awake.

"Erin, how are you feeling?" The doctor questioned as he looked from the monitor to her chart.

"I'm okay" She provided, suddenly struck by the realisation that Shay might not have to come to them. She was feeling much better so surely she could leave.

"Good, you had us a little worried" The doctor replied, still concentrating on what he was doing.

"When can I leave?" Erin questioned, so eager that it almost sounded rude.

"Hmm?" The doctor asked, certain he had misheard her, she had only just regained consciousness after five hours in a critical condition.

"I need to get out of here" She said, it was no longer a question.

"That's really not a good idea, you'll need to stay tonight at the very least. I'd prefer a few days" The doctor insisted, he wouldn't have called her a difficult patient but he wasn't sure that wasn't about to change. It was his responsibility to make sure she was okay and that meant keeping regular observations.

"Ember is fine to go though?" Erin checked, noticing her daughters long fine eyelashes for the first time.

"Yes" The doctor confirmed, the baby had passed all tests with flying colours, her measurements were off the charts and she had been awake and alert for most of the morning.

"Then..." She started.

"Erin" Kelly intervened before she could request discharge papers, she didn't care about going against medical advice herself.

"I can't stay here, I have to go. Shay needs me, we have no idea where Chase is..." She tried to explain, rolling her eyes as her husband sighed. Kelly loved her for her selflessness but at times like this he wanted her to be her own top priority. She never seemed to realise that she wasn't much use to everyone else if she wasn't well herself.

"What if I go? I'll head home and get Shay, then we'll find Chase and drag him in here so you can rest" Kelly suggested hopefully.

"You'd do that?" She asked, he was sacrificing time with Ember just to make sure she stayed in the hospital.

"I do anything for you" He assured with a smile, she'd given him the best gift, twice, and the close call with her health had only cemented his feelings for her.

"Okay" Erin agreed after a long, thoughtful pause.

"Your husband is right, you need to rest. I can organise a late lunch if you're hungry but other than that you need to sleep so your body can heal" The doctor contributed, he hadn't wanted to get involved in their discussion

"I'm not hungry" She replied, the men looked at each other before looking back to her not sure she'd listened to and would comply with the request. Kelly didn't feel like arguing until she agreed to eat so they thanked the doctor then said goodbye to each other, Kelly checking on Ember one last time. "Emmy it's just you and me baby girl, what should we do?" Erin asked the baby after Kelly left, the silence made her think and she didn't want to be doing that. "Oh, sleep? Good idea" She added as she used the remote to lay the bed back a little and dim the light. It was still bright but after a few minutes she managed to get to sleep, her biggest concern was that she was so tired Ember's cries mightn't wake her.

* * *

Erin knew she couldn't avoid the subject of her mother's death forever but when the nurse told her that the police were asking to talk to her she wanted so say she wasn't up to it. She was well enough but completely unprepared mentally. The nurse left to bring the officers back, Erin straightened the blankets and her gown before running a hand over her braid. She'd never known that Kelly could braid but in the middle of the night when she was struggling to take her mind off bringing Ember into the world his hidden talent had been revealed. It had been neat and tight at the time but had since loosened, stray hairs falling to frame her face. With two daughters it was a skill he was going to have to use. The nurse seemed to have been gone for an awfully long time and she contemplated feigning sleep, it wouldn't be too unrealistic. She had simply woken to go to the bathroom, not even considering that it would be a complicated task and had been awake since. The kindly young nurse kept her company while explaining what was in store over the coming days and weeks. Erin almost laughed when the nurse led the two policemen into the room.

"Didn't know we'd have to show our badges to get in here!" Antonio joked softly, conscious of the sleeping baby she held.

"Just plain rude" Jay agreed, giving a nod of thanks to the nurse before stepping further into the room.

"Hey" Erin smiled.

"So?" Jay questioned as he got closer

"Oh, yeah. This is my new baby, she was born early this morning, I'm sorry I didn't call...things have been..." She tried to explain.

"Yeah" Antonio nodded understandingly. "How are you doing?" He asked, highly sympathetic, it was always difficult to talk to relatives but it was even harder when they were a good friend as well.

"I'm fine" She assured.

"Voight said things were a little complicated...and that if we upset you he'd kill us" Halstead said with as much tact as he could muster.

"Probably better if you don't upset me then" She agreed.

"Does she have a name? She looks big" Antonio asked, certain that talking about the baby would cheer her up.

"Her name is Ember, Em or Emmy for short. And that's because she is big, ten pounds"

"Seriously? I thought Diego was big at eight pound twelve"

"Here" She said, offering up the sleeping baby, feeling her weight for himself would help him put it in perspective.

"She's beautiful" Antonio smiled as he held the baby, it had been so long since his kids were little and he honestly found it hard to believe that a human could be any smaller.

"Nice job" Jay commented as Antonio handed over the baby, the tone of the interaction changed suddenly as they all stopped to think about the second word. They were here to do a job.

"You know we hate to ask, and we're sorry for your loss..." Antonio stated.

"I'm fine, she was a bitch ninety percent of the time and the ten percent was never directed towards me. I'm not glad that she's dead but I'm not particularly sad either" Erin clarified before he could continue. Both detectives had formed their own opinions when Bunny had taken Shay from the daycare center sparking a desperate search.

"When was the last time you saw her?" Jay asked, surprisingly comfortable with a baby in his arms.

"Months ago, the day of Shay's second birthday party" She recalled, thinking back to the few words they had exchanged, she couldn't remember specifically but it hadn't been significant.

"You weren't close but was there anything?" Antonio asked, she was a detective and knew the sorts of things they needed to ask already.

"She was buying alcohol, she was supposedly sober for a while there. You'd really be better off asking her husband Johnny" Erin informed.

"Ex-husband" Jay provided.

"He seemed like a nice bloke, please tell me he wasn't involved" She sighed, the man had done nothing more than marry her mother, now he was dealing with the consequences.

"No, his alibi checks out, he's been very helpful" Antonio assured.

"What did he say?" She questioned, the feeling she got while working a case had sunk in.

"He suggested that she probably fell into old habits when they broke up" Antonio continued to explain.

"She was in debt, I don't know who or why but that might be something" She supplied.

"Yeah, we're going down every possible road at the moment" Jay said enthusiastically.

" Anything else that might help us?" Antonio asked knowing there was nothing further for them to discuss at this point.

"Not that I can think of" She reasoned as she tried to think.

"In that case we're sorry to have disturbed you at all, enjoy your beautiful new baby" Jay said, surprising her with the formality of his statement.

"Don't worry about all this, Hank's pretty determined" Antonio added as he placed his note pad in his back pocket.

"I'm not worried" She reminded, it was nice of them to provide reassurance though. As soon as they'd left she wished she had had more to say, that way they could have stayed longer. She wasn't alone for long, at all if she included Ember, Kelly, Shay and Chase entered the room. "Where have you been?" She demanded of the young man, feeling and sounding like the parent of a teen who had stayed out past curfew.

"Everywhere and nowhere" Chase answered, softly and unhelpfully.

"We found him at that diner on Hawken" Kelly informed, taking Ember before moving to the chair in the far corner of the room. He wanted to give Chase and Erin a chance to speak and looking after both his daughters allowed that to happen.

"What's going on?" Erin asked, gesturing for Chase to pull the chair over and sit.

"I just didn't want to get in the way, you have a family, Shay and now the baby. You don't need me hanging around and getting in the way" He explained sadly, she could tell he honestly thought he was getting in the way.

"You're a built in babysitter, there's no way you're getting out of it that easily" She started teasingly before getting more serious ."I don't know if you've noticed but you're part of our family, Shay loves you as much as Kelly and I do and you're so great with her. I want you to be Ember's godfather, it's a serious responsibility, you can't go running off on me" She said firmly, she knew she should have talked to Kelly first but this seemed important.

"Really? Me?" Chase asked with a smile, flattered to have even been considered for the role.

"Yeah. Only if you're going to take it seriously" She reasoned.

"You called her Ember?" He asked with a small laugh. 

"Kelly chose, I like Emmy" She justified.

"I like her too" Chase decided a few minutes later as he held the baby for the first time, so small and innocent that his instincts screamed for him to protect her, from everything. This time it was Erin's turn to capture the moment, snapping a photo of Chase sitting on the chair to hold Ember, Shay standing on the arm, supported by her father, all looking straight at the new addition to their family. Now all Erin had to figure out was how she was going to deal with the recent loss.

**Thank you! There is plenty more to come but I'm taking a day off tomorrow to spend time with family. I hope that you all have a nice Easter/holidays :D **


	103. Chapter 103

"I take it you're a little keen" Kelly smiled as he entered the hospital room, Erin had packed everything into bags and Ember was already waiting in her car seat.

"That's not a bad thing, I've missed everything... Even the damn cat" Erin admitted with a laugh, in the last few weeks of the pregnancy Sooty had started to follow her around, always curling up to sleep right next to her. They had installed a baby gate that the three legged feline couldn't get over in their bedroom doorway. It gave Erin the chance to escape the friendly animal and ensured the cat was far away from the crib.

"Well we've missed you too. We had canned spaghetti for dinner last night" He admitted proudly.

"Please tell me you're joking" She requested, shaking her head in disapproval.

"We were here late, I dropped Chase off at work on the way home so it was just Shay and I. She ate half your dinner anyway" He justified.

"Yeah the dessert half!" Erin laughed, she was quite sure he just wanted her to feel missed and needed.

"That's why you have to come home" He agreed.

"So I can cook for you?" She questioned, feigning offence.

"No, so you can supervise meal preparation" He answered seriously, just to be sure. "Have you got everything?"

"Yep" She assured, scanning the room quickly just in case. Seeing him start to load himself with the bags she picked up the car seat in order to help.

"I can carry her" He offered kindly.

"I'm fine" Erin smiled in response.

"She's heavy though" He warned.

"I can manage her. You can't carry her and all of that anyway" She reasoned sensibly, it wasn't humanly possible to carry the four bags and the car seat. Neither of them were quite sure how the number of bags had doubled or where the extra things came from.

"I'll take this out to the car and come back for you both" He suggested, moving towards the doorway.

"Don't be silly, I stayed the extra day and the doctor is happy for me to go home. He wouldn't be if I wasn't alright to carry my own baby" She said certainly, following him closely. Kelly knew he had a decision to make, it wasn't hard though, she was so happy to be getting home and she was right.

"Okay, just don't go too fast" He allowed conditionally, moving to hold the door open for her.

"I won't" She agreed. They took their time to move through the hospital, Kelly made sure she set the car seat down in the elevator to have a break, finally arriving at the car park. Erin was pleasantly surprised by how close he had managed to park and in no time they were on their way home. They were both glad to have agreed to leave the bags in the car because the moment they opened the front door Shay launched herself at her mother. They had seen each other every day of her hospital stay but it was more separation than either of them would have liked.

"Mama!" Shay shrieked, startling her little sister awake. Both parents looked down as Ember started to cry but Shay demanded their attention, shouting about the magic cupcakes she had made with Aunty Katie.

"I've got Em" Kelly smiled, taking their smallest daughter upstairs to show her everything they had prepared for her.

"Alright, tell me about the cooking" Erin instructed as she watched her husband and baby disappear out of sight. After a quick greeting to Katie the three moved through to the kitchen to see the cupcakes, rich chocolatey brown with lighter brown peanut syrup oozing from within. Shay explained as best she could the process of baking the welcome home treats, Katie occasionally contributing the correct words.

"I asked Shay what you liked, she said chocolate and peanut butter, and I remember the pancakes" Katie said as they finished, pointing to the finished product.

"It's the best combination ever" Erin declared, just accepting one on a plate when Kelly entered with Ember still crying in his arms. Looking from the cupcake to the baby she decided she could handle both at once. Seated on the couch she used one arm to hold Ember as she nursed and the other to eat the cupcake. She was certain there would be a lot of multitasking in the coming weeks. It tasted even better than she had imagined, and compared to anything she'd eaten at the hospital it was absolutely heavenly. Making sure to tell Katie this before she had to leave for work, not before letting them know she would be back later to prepare dinner.

"What should we do now?" Kelly asked when he returned to the lounge room after seeing Katie out, he was looking forward to spending some time with his three beautiful ladies.

"We could go for a short walk, or watch something. I don't mind" Erin provided, Ember was already struggling to stay awake and they could do just about anything while she slept.

"Movie now and a walk if you still feel up to it later, after lunch" He proposed flexibly, more than happy to accommodate any request his wife made.

"Yeah, okay" She agreed. They waited until Shay finished her drawing, a somewhat confusing but vaguely recognizable illustration of their family. She chose Frozen and cuddled between her parents to watch it, holding her sister's feet for the first half of the movie. Erin and Kelly had seen the movie enough times to be able to recite it word for word so they made the most of the quiet time together. Dividing their time almost equally between looking at each other and looking at their beautiful offspring. They had come a long way together but still had the feeling that this was just the beginning of their journey as a family. Once the sisters in the movie were reunited Shay slid from the couch, singing, dancing and watching intently for the duration. Now that they had two girls they valued the message of the movie so much more. Erin wasn't hungry but quickly set about making lunch, leaving Ember and Shay with Kelly after convincing him that he was more help that way.

"What do you think Shay, do you like Emmy?" Kelly asked, curious to get her assessment while Erin was out of earshot.

"Love Emmy sister. She grow up we build snowman" Shay replied with a smile, having a sister had certainly been great so far. She had gotten far more attention over the last few days with all their visitors and been allowed to stay up past her usual bedtime three nights in a row.

"She loves you too even though it will be a while before she can help with the snowman" He smiled watching as Shay stroked her sister's head with the lightest touch.

"Daddy, she stay forever like Chasey?" Shay questioned after a few moments.

"Yes, she's going to stay forever" He confirmed even more pleased when this too made Shay smile.

"When she be big girl?" She asked next.

"We'll it's taken you two years to be a big girl and that'll be the same for Emmy. I know that sounds like a long time but it won't be really" He promised, it felt like just yesterday that he had been holding her in his arms.

"She play me?"

"She'll play with you in a few months" He explained, games of making faces and sounds weren't too far away and Shay was sure to enjoy even minimal amounts of interaction. They were called to lunch and went to eat, Kelly moving more slowly to make sure he didn't wake the sleeping baby. Erin suggested they put her up in her crib while they ate but he wanted to keep Ember where he could see her. His wife had had the opportunity to look at her constantly over the first few days of her life. He regretted the decision the moment Shay knocked her cup off the table, sending it clattering to the floor. Shay blamed herself for the terrible noise the baby made and in seconds they were both in tears, competing for their parents attention. Kelly was already holding Ember so he took her upstairs, this time determined to calm her himself. Erin had Shay under control in no time, encouraging her to finish her lunch before her Daddy returned. They put his in the fridge and played in the lounge while they waited, after almost an hour Erin went upstairs to check that everything was alright, quite worried by how long it was taking. The bedroom was quiet as she approached, stealthily opening the gate though she didn't need to enter the room to find them, both sleeping on the bed. After checking that Ember could breathe properly she took advantage of the free time and spent it with Shay. Visitors had gifted the toddler with various colouring in and sticker books to keep her busy, though she didn't see the point in either activity. Other than a minor tantrum when the sticker she wanted tore they had a peaceful afternoon.

* * *

"Did you have fun?" Erin questioned when Shay and Kelly returned from the park, she had wanted to go with them but feared waking Ember in the process of rugging her up to go outside.

"Yes Mama, Daddy let me slide" Shay explained, turning to show off her damp backside.

"Did he just?" She asked, turning her attention to her very guilty looking husband.

"She was already wet" He assured.

"I cold now. Daddy said I early bath but no have to go bed" Shay explained as she started up the stairs by herself.

"I can help if you want" Erin offered, feeling useless just sitting around.

"You can watch but I don't want you bending down" He agreed.

"I should probably get some washing on instead, I'll come get her clothes" She decided, doing washing would be more useful and she knew for a fact that hadn't done any while she was in hospital. She was a little surprised when he didn't argue but wasn't worried. He seemed tired, having gained some perspective on just how much energy it took to keep up with Shay day after day. Only once the washing was on did she stop in the doorway to watch Shay play, giggling each time she managed to splash her father. It turned out to be too hard a routine to break and after her bath Shay went to bed for a nap, waking when Katie arrived. Kelly and his sister transported the groceries from the car to the kitchen, a space Katie quickly took control of, requiring her assistant in her new little apron. The noise from the kitchen traveled through to the lounge room where Kelly and Erin were enjoying the time alone together.

"We haven't done this in weeks" He realised, referring to simply sitting down together to watch the news.

"We haven't had time" She agreed, it was nice to be alone together.

"I suppose I shouldn't get too excited" He shrugged, realising that between work, dinner preparation and looking after the girls they probably wouldn't get the chance to do it very often.

"We'll manage, it'll be easier this time, we won't make the same mistakes. There are plenty of people to watch them for date night and once Emmy settles in I'll be fine with leaving her. Taking time for us is just as important as making time for them" Erin assured, looking forward to the challenge.

"It's eleven weeks until our anniversary" He put forward, possibly as an opportunity for them to spend time together.

"Yeah?" She asked, wondering if he had anything in mind.

"We could go away, just you and me, for the weekend" He suggested hopefully.

"Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves" She warned carefully, it was a long way off and she wanted to enjoy the moment.

"Sorry" He apologised quickly, worried that he had done the wrong thing by bringing up their anniversary.

"Don't be, I just want to live right now" She assured, leaning across to kiss him. They continued to reacquaint themselves until dinner time. Erin had to retrieve Ember when she started crying the moment they sat down to eat, it was a momentary interruption and soon she was able to savour the delicious meal. Chase arrived in time to say goodnight to Shay before she went to sleep, Katie kept him company while he ate the portion she had set aside for him. Kelly and Erin gave him very different looks, Erin's encouraging where Kelly's warned, before heading upstairs. Ember drank herself to sleep and her parents quickly prepared to follow. The lack of a call from Voight meant that once again there had been no progress in the investigation, she couldn't help but wonder if they would ever find the person responsible. In a weeks time when Kelly returned to work she would be able to check in at the district and potentially help out.

**This was short and not very good, tomorrow will be better! **


	104. Chapter 104

Erin and Kelly weren't sure they had ever needed each other quite so much. They had expected that between them they would be able to manage their two daughters. It quickly became apparent that looking after Ember wasn't a one person job. Since her first night at home she hadn't slept for more than three hours at a time, demanding small feeds and constant attention, it was exhausting. Erin would feed the infant then hand her off to her father who would hold and rock her until she fell asleep. The moment she lost human contact she would wake and fuss, but loud noises or excessive movement also woke her up. It was impossible to do anything productive while holding her but she was never awake unless she was crying.

"This isn't normal, something must be wrong" Erin said frustratedly as Kelly handed over Ember. She wasn't just crying she was screaming and had been for the last half hour.

"I've tried everything. She has a fresh diaper and I've been rocking her, I tried wrapping her like you showed me... I even tried the pacifier she isn't supposed to have" He admitted, just as frustrated as she was.

"I don't think she's hungry but we'll try" Erin shrugged, holding Ember tightly so that she stopped writhing before offering her breast. Her small mouth latched, gave three decent sucks then pushed away to scream again. The brief moment of silence completely infuriating to both adults. "Not hungry" She concluded with a sigh.

"I'm sorry for waking you" He apologised. Neither of them had gotten much sleep but she had definitely had less.

"I wasn't asleep" She said with a small sad smile, it just wasn't possible with Ember's screaming.

"What do we do?" He asked, trying not to let the failure and hopelessness he felt show.

"I honestly don't know" Erin answered, shaking her head in defeat.

"We'll figure it out, there has to be something" He decided determinedly.

"I might take her for a drive" She suggested, throwing back the blankets to get out of bed.

"No, you haven't slept properly in days. I don't want you driving" He stepped in, stopping her from getting up and taking Ember at the same time.

"It's three in the morning, there's no one on the roads" She reasoned though was relieved he wasn't going to let her go.

"I'm sorry for waking you. I'll take her downstairs, you just try to get some sleep" He reasoned.

"No stay, we give it a shot together" She proposed, patting his empty side of the bed.

"You sure?" He questioned, letting her know that he wasn't going to hold it against her.

"Yeah" She nodded. "Em you need to sleep, please" Erin reasoned with the baby while Kelly grabbed her blanket before joining them in the bed. She swaddled the baby and lay her down between them, her screams quieted, becoming pathetic whimpers every few second. It wasn't much but it was better than she'd been in hours so they allowed themselves a moment to stop and smile, thanking each other with their eyes. "Sshh, we've got you" Erin soothed, rubbing circles on her stomach while pressing a kiss to her forehead. Ember gave a massive yawn, hiccuped for a few moments then finally closed her eyes. They looked at each other and relaxed as best they could without moving, afraid to set her off again. Even just a few hours sleep would do wonders for them.

* * *

"Ugh" Kelly groaned as he gained consciousness, reaching up to rub his sore neck.

"Ssh" Erin hissed, placing a hand on his chest. He looked over and smiled, Ember was still sleeping, now nestled between her mother's breasts, both topless but covered by her blanket.

"Sorry" He whispered, moving slowly and purposefully until he could kiss his wife. He couldn't help but feel bad, Ember had moved which meant that at some point she had woken up and he had slept through the process of getting her back to sleep. "Shower and food" he mouthed, waiting for her nod of agreement before sliding silently out of the bed. With a hand on Ember's back Erin was able to get back to sleep, missing her husband's return from the bathroom. Following days of sleep deprivation Kelly felt sure he could run a marathon after five uninterrupted hours of sleep.

"You look like hell" Chase commented when Kelly entered the lounge room, his smile didn't hide the bags under his eyes or his vaguely grey appearance.

"Thanks" Kelly beamed. "What happened to your eye?" He questioned, the young man had a slight black eye.

"Your daughter's foot" Chase answered. Kelly pictured Shay performing a complex series of martial arts maneuvers and wondered if he might still be a little tired after all.

"Okay..." He nodded slowly.

"She came into my room to escape the screaming, wriggly worm" Chase explained, making sure Shay heard him. "Is Emmy okay?" He asked, concern in his voice as he recalled the horrible noises.

"Yeah we think so, she's sleeping now" Kelly provided.

"At first I thought you must have dropped her but then it went on for hours..." Chase said pointlessly, trailing off when he realised he wasn't helping.

"Yeah"

"Sorry, I know you're both doing your best and that's why I'm going to help you out today. If you let me borrow your car I can take Shay out for the day, prevent another straw incident" Chase suggested hopefully. He'd come home after work to find Shay with playing with a handful of colourful party straws, one further up her nose than he'd thought humanly possible, both parents occupied by Ember just a few feet away, completely oblivious.

"I'm really sorry about that" Kelly apologised, though he knew it was Shay he should be talking to.

"It's fine, you had your hands full" Chase shrugged, it had ended well so there was no point worrying about it.

"We've been neglecting Shay..." Kelly said sadly, after eating and showering time with Shay had been sacrificed in order to look after Ember. It wasn't safe and it couldn't continue.

"You can't do everything" Chase reminded, surprisingly wise and helpful at times like these.

"Ember will settle down and we'll get into a better routine soon" Kelly assured hopefully. There were plenty of people with two or more children so a balance had to be achievable, they just had to find it.

"There are more of us than them!" Chase laughed.

"Keys are on the hook, drive safely, make sure she wears her jacket and be home in time for dinner" Kelly listed as instructions for the young man.

"Too easy" Chase nodded before providing a list of his own. "Beer's in the fridge, get some sleep, make sure Erin does too and don't be too hard on yourselves."

"Thanks kid" Kelly added before heading to the kitchen to eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast.

"Daddy, Chasey me adventure" Shay sang as she marched through the dining room, taking her water bottle through to the kitchen the way Chase had asked her to.

"Come here for a sec Shay" Kelly requested, watching through the doorway as she stood on tiptoes and pushed the water bottle onto the bench, waiting for Chase to come and fill it.

"Daddy?" Shay asked as she approached, afraid she was in trouble. She laughed and smiled when he lifted her up onto his lap.

"I love you and I'm sorry we've been so busy with Emmy" He apologised, hugging her tightly though it didn't come close to compensating her for the time and attention she'd missed out on.

"She baby" Shay shrugged, as if she understood that her little sister needed her parents more.

"Emmy will start sleeping properly soon, until then you have to stop kicking Chase in the face" He requested.

"I said sorry" Shay complained, her attitude on display as she frowned and crossed her arms.

"That's okay then, good girl. You want some?" He asked, it was obvious she did.

"Brushed teeth" She sighed deeply.

"Don't tell anyone" He whispered scooping as much as he could onto the spoon before offering it to her.

"I won't" Shay promised as she accepted the spoonful of the forbidden cereal. Her mummy said it had way too much sugar in it and daddy was only allowed to eat it because he went to work. After giving him a kiss on the cheek she jumped down and ran off to find out what was taking Chase so long. Kelly stayed downstairs until Chase and Shay left for the science center then headed up to check on Erin and Ember.

"I thought you'd be asleep" He whispered when he found Erin awake, focused on her phone until she heard him speak.

"I'm tired but I just couldn't get back to sleep so I've been doing some research" She explained, keeping her voice low to avoid waking the sleeping baby.

"And?" He asked, sitting on the edge of the bed beside her.

"I found a sling that might help" She answered, turning the phone to show him a photo.

"What's wrong with the baby carrier we have?" He questioned, it was much sturdier than the sling and he didn't see a difference in their function.

"I got her to sleep in twenty minutes just by taking my shirt off, she likes the skin contact" Erin provided.

"Okay..."

"The sling and a shirt with buttons means I can keep her skin to skin and still move around" She elaborated, just because it made sense in her head didn't necessarily mean it was the answer to all their problems.

"Where do we buy it?" He asked eagerly.

"The warehouse where we got the highchair" She replied, it was the most likely place if they didn't want to buy it online and wait for it to arrive.

"Write down the name and I'll go get one" He volunteered, getting up to find a piece of paper and a pen.

"We can go together. She'll be awake soon" She suggested.

"Yeah alright" He agreed, placing his hand over Erin's on Ember's back.

"Shay might want to come" She smiled, wondering where Shay had gotten to, the house seemed awfully quiet.

"Chase took her to the science center" Kelly informed, matching her smile.

"Oh, okay" She nodded, obviously a little disappointed.

"I said it was alright..." He explained cautiously, not sure that he had made the right decision.

"Yeah it is, I just feel bad that we haven't spent much time with her" She told him as Ember started to move.

"I talked to her and she's fine" He assured, while it might only have been brief the conversation with their firstborn had been quite comforting.

"Good" Erin agreed, wishing she had had the chance to talk to Shay herself. It was probably for the better that they got to buy the sling and test it out before she tried to manage both girls at once. "Hi baby" She greeted as Ember opened her eyes, blinking twice before her tongue started to move in a preemptive sucking motion that told her mother she was hungry. She was essentially already in position so there was minimal hassle in getting her fed. Kelly burped and played with her while Erin showered and dressed, he wouldn't let her leave the house without eating so their outing was further delayed. The warehouse was only open for a few hours on Sunday and as a result seemed extraordinarily busy.

"I found them!" Kelly announced triumphantly, they had decided to increase their chances and go down different aisles.

"Oh wow" She commented as she approached. There were dozens of sizes, shapes and styles, each coming in different colours and designs, it was going to take her a few minutes to decide. Kelly had Ember in her car seat and wandered away while Erin made up her mind, returning with a colourful caterpillar toy he was convinced they needed.

"Got one?" He questioned though he didn't need an answer, her hand was hovering back and forth between three options. "Not that one" He decided, purely on price, he didn't trust that the cheapest piece of fabric would keep his little girl safe.

"Okay, it's that one but what colour?" She questioned having decided on a style.

"Something neutral" He suggested, feeling particularly helpful to have contributed at all.

"Not mushroom or moose" She eliminated based on their labels. "How about this one?"

"Grey?" He questioned.

"Yeah, that's neutral" She smiled.

"Sure, but I like the orange too" He added, loving the vibrant shade.

"But that would limit the colours I can wear" She reasoned as she selected the grey one.

"Anything else we need?" He asked, deciding not to bring up the fact that it really didn't matter what she wore.

"We don't need a toy caterpillar" She laughed, looking at the toy he carried.

"Shay will love it, it goes with that book. Which by the way is the best way to get her to eat, she won't become a butterfly unless she eats her veggies" He explained, proud to have devised the strategy by himself.

"She's going to be disappointed when she works out that she's not going to grow wings" Erin warned, not keen on misleading Shay.

"Well hopefully we're a few years off that. You said you wanted to buy a pram, should we have a look while we're here?" He asked, changing the subject before she told him he couldn't have the caterpillar.

"I guess, but we're not buying one today" She clarified, making sure he understood.

"Why not?" He questioned, not seeing the point in looking if they weren't going to buy one.

"I haven't read any reviews online" She explained, the sensible one of the pair.

"We'll be doing hands on research. It has to be lightweight, maneuverable, fold easily, have the biggest size range possible so it lasts...oh and it has to come in a nice colour!" He listed proudly.

"You sound like you know what you're doing?" She said questioningly, not sure when or how he had become such an expert.

"Matt kind of exploded with pram knowledge on my last shift. Apparently Gabby's been looking for a new one, not that Aiden has outgrown the one they already have, and she wants some fancy European model. Costs as much as my first car did. They had a massive argument and I let him vent but she didn't mention it the other day so I'm sure they've figured it out" He explained as they made their way towards the back of the store.

"Okay. Practical, definitely not European and not too expensive" She added to his list of criteria.

"There are like a hundred choices here, I'll go find a shop assistant to help narrow it down" He decided when they got a glimpse of the section.

"Good idea" She nodded, surprised by the scale of the section. He just happened to return with the best sales person in the establishment. Half an hour later they left, Kelly carrying the large box that contained their new pram. They got home and tested out their new purchases, the caterpillar toy turned out to be the perfect size and shape to support Ember's head so she could half sit up. Keeping her awake now was important if they were to work towards getting her to sleep at night. Erin was surprised by just how freely she could move while Ember was snuggled to her chest, with or without her shirt separating them. Ember cried for almost an hour in the early afternoon but even that was a massive improvement on the previous day. By the time Chase and Shay returned, with Katie and Nadia behind them it was almost dinner time. Chase and Shay showed off Ember while Kelly and Erin discussed what they were doing for dinner. They hadn't heard from Hank or Russ and had no idea whether or not to expect them, or if they should invite Katie and Nadia to stay. They considered the girls family and didn't mind if they stayed for dinner, if they could work out what to feed everyone. In the end the problem was solved without them, Hank and Russ arrived with more than enough pizza for them all.

"Erin can we have a word?" Hank asked quietly when Chase left to take the girls home.

"Sure" She nodded, it was obvious what he wanted to talk about but she honestly hadn't even thought about it while struggling with Ember. "What's going on?" She questioned when they had moved to a quiet space.

"Kid, you know I've been doing everything I can. It's been a week and I've had the unit working late everyday but I don't think we've made much progress. I've been turning down cases but I can't keep that up indefinitely" He explained gently.

"Pass it to homicide" She suggested, it was the most obvious move to make and she understood it completely.

"It's not a high priority case..." He added, she knew that he was suggesting it would end up on the bottom of a pile. There were thousands of unsolved homicide cases and her mother's probably wouldn't get much attention.

"I know, that's okay" She assured. Of course she wanted the murderer behind bars, it just didn't make sense to allocate an entire special unit to the case just because it was personal.

"Are you sure?" He questioned.

"Yes"

"Alright, I'll do it first thing in the morning" He agreed with a small smile. It was nice to know she wasn't after revenge, at least not yet.

"Thank you for everything you've done though, I really appreciate it" She felt it necessary to add, he didn't have to take the case at all or notify her personally.

"Don't mention it. How are you doing? You look tired" He changed the subject, accepting gratitude had never been something he did well.

"We're getting there, today was a good day" She answered with a smile.

"Good. We'll get out of your way so you can get the girls off to sleep" He finished, reaching across to rub Ember's back momentarily.

"Thanks for coming, and bringing food" She added as they started to move back to the lounge room. Russ was being shown the stickers Shay had put on her blocks while holding a conversation with Kelly.

"We thought it was our turn to cook" He reasoned.

"I'm glad you're getting on with Russ" She added as they stopped in the doorway.

"I might have been wrong about the kid" He admitted softly as Russ said goodbye.

"Thank you" She grinned, giving him a quick hug to show how much it meant to her that he finally understood.

"Goodnight" He called generally as he pulled on his coat.

"Night" She called after him, grinning until the door closed behind the two. Turning around she saw Kelly lifting Shay into the air, swinging her up over his shoulder so he could carry her upstairs. "Shay, would you be able to help me with something?" She asked. Kelly put Shay down and nodded to his wife before heading up the stairs alone, remembering the discussion they had had earlier.

"I help you Mama" Shay agreed enthusiastically, the jobs her mother gave her were always fun.

"You don't even know what it is yet" Erin laughed, crouching so she was at Shay's eye height.

"What help Mama?" Shay questioned, lowering one eyebrow in curiosity.

"Can you help me give Emmy a bath?" She asked with a smile.

"Yes" Shay nodded eagerly, happy to help her mother and spend time with her sister at the same time. Erin knew it would mean she wasn't in bed on time but it didn't really seem to matter if they were spending time doing something as a family.

"Okay, let's go help Daddy get everything ready" She said, pressing a kiss to Shay's head before standing up and taking her hand.

"Okay" Shay agreed, leading the way up the stairs.

"We need to choose some pyjamas for Emmy to wear after, and a singlet and diaper" Erin explained as they entered the bedroom, moving towards Ember's drawers.

"Them one" Shay decided after looking at all the choices she had been given, choosing a pink fleece, long sleeved sleeping bag with small white rabbits printed on it.

"That one?" She questioned, wanting to correct Shay's word choice.

"Yeah, and pink sing-et and I get it" Shay smiled, using the shelf of the change table as a step in order to reach the stack of diapers.

"Thank you" She smiled, accepting the diaper. Next Shay chose a hooded towel and then they were ready to join Kelly in the main bathroom. The baby bath sat on the large bench space beside the basin, already filled with warm water. Shay stood on one side of the bath, with her father behind her to make sure she didn't fall, and Erin lay Ember down on the other side, ignoring her cries of protest as she undressed her. After lowering her into the water Shay was able to help by wetting the wash cloth and placing it on her chest. Ember quickly decided she liked the water kicking her legs and slashing as she cooed. "She likes that" Erin commented when Shay squeezed the cloth over Ember's chest.

"I like bath too because we sisters" Shay declared proudly.

"Yeah" Kelly encouraged with a grin, these were the small moments that he would always remember.

"Mama when she bubbles?" Shay asked, they were the only thing that might make the activity more fun.

"When she's a bit bigger she can have bubbles" Erin explained, there were a lot of things Ember would be doing when she got bigger. In the mean time it was nice to have a small baby to cuddle.

"Mama me like helping Emmy" Shay decided as they dried and dressed her before putting her in her crib while it was Shay's turn. Ember surprised them all, waking for a feed when Erin and Kelly returned to their room after putting Shay to bed then sleeping until two in the morning without a noise.

**Now that's what I'm talking about! A chapter that I'm actually pleased with :D **

**P.S - Chase had to go to work after dropping Katie and Nadia home that's why he wasn't involved in the cute family moment. **


	105. Chapter 105

"You're going to be late" Erin warned as Kelly continued to delay his need to leave to work. It was obvious he was worried about leaving Erin alone with the girls for the first time.

"I don't want to go" He complained, pacing back and forth in the lounge room.

"You're going to make Chase late" She added, hoping the added pressure would encourage him to get going.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" He questioned, he'd asked the same question at least a hundred times, rephrasing it so she didn't get annoyed.

"Yes, we'll be fine" She answered with as much conviction as she could muster, it was getting exhausting but she appreciated his concern.

"Really?" He checked, providing her with plenty of opportunity to change her mind and ask him to stay.

"Yes. Shay's a great little helper and Emmy's getting there" She smiled, hopeful he would see that she was confident she could handle it.

"I really don't want to go" He sighed.

"It's one shift, then we have the weekend together" She reasoned, it wasn't the big deal he was making it out to be.

"I know" He nodded, still lacking the motivation to leave.

"You aren't going to be missing anything" She encouraged.

"I'll be missing you and the girls" He complained honestly.

"We'll be right here when you get back" She assured, getting up to stand in his way, stopping his pacing even if it meant waking Ember who slept on her chest.

"You'll wait for me to get home before bath time?" He asked seriously, it was a make or break question.

"Yes" She promised.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow" He resigned, pressing a kiss to her head before turning to leave.

"Kelly, wait" She requested, she had been trying to get him to leave the room for the last hour and now she was the only thing stopping him.

"Yeah?" He questioned, hopeful she had changed her mind.

"Don't go if you're going to spend your time worrying about us. If you go to work you have to be at work, all of you. Focusing on what you're doing" She instructed firmly, the smile that formed on his face at the first two words quickly disappeared as he thought on her words. The thought of him getting hurt because he was worrying about them instead of focusing on his job was unbearable.

"I will" He confirmed. "You sure you'll be okay?" He asked again, out of habit more than actual concern.

"Yes" She nodded.

"I know you can do it, I just don't want you to get too tired" He clarified, worried she would mistake his concern for her with concern about her.

"I plan on napping when the girls do" She explained with a smile. He had to go back to work at some point and she had to learn to manage the girls alone, the longer they delayed it the harder it would be.

"And you'll call me if you need help?" He questioned carefully.

"No, I'll call Cindy or Gabby first. I don't want to distract you" She corrected.

"Fine, you'll ask for help if you need it?" He asked, rephrasing his question to accommodate her correction.

"Yes" She agreed, patting his arm before pushing him from the room.

"Chase you ready?" He called through to the kitchen, keeping his voice low to avoid waking Shay.

"Yeah, I'll wait in the car" Chase called back, taking the keys and walking straight past them on his way out to the car, he had been waiting in the doorway for the call.

"Alright, go to work" Erin encouraged. "Don't worry... Keep an eye on Chase... We'll be fine... Stay safe" She finished, pausing to kiss him between each statement.

"I will. Ask for help if you need it. I love you" He smiled, kissing her passionately before turning to leave.

"Love you too" She called after him, following him to the door so she could lock it after him. Then all she had to do was feed Sooty and turn off the lights before heading upstairs to bed. "You hungry bub?" Erin asked Ember as she moved to sit on the bed, her baby daughter started to wriggle and make small snuffling noises. Enjoying the peace while she nursed she thought about her plans for the next day, they had morning tea with Sharon and Caitlin then she wanted to take Shay to the Library to try to get back to their normal routine. Ember was asleep within minutes, tucked low and tight in her crib before Erin had a quick shower and changed for bed. Erin had just climbed into bed when she started to cry, an hour later she had exhausted herself and settled back to sleep. Watching her sleep for a few moments Erin smiled then looked to the empty bed and sighed before moving to get in. It was two weeks to the day since Kelly's last shift but in that time she had grown accustomed to his presence at night. Without him she found it hard to get to sleep, the steady sound of his breathing, his warmth and thudding heartbeat all missing. It took two hours of dozing for her to reach the conclusion she wouldn't be able to sleep alone. She threw back the covers on his side of the bed before getting out, sneaking down the hall to the first bedroom. Shay was fast asleep and didn't even stir when her mother scooped her up, remembering at the last minute to grab Roary as well, or when she was placed into a different bed. With a smile on her face Erin finally fell asleep, one hand on Shay's chest, calmed by her heartbeat.

"Mama?" Shay murmured as she looked around, confused.

"Sshhh, sorry bub, go back to sleep" Erin replied in a soft whisper, using her free hand to smooth Shay's hair back.

"Mhmm" Shay agreed, pulling the sheet up over her face before rolling over and going back to sleep. Erin reached across and turned the light off, she could finish feeding Ember in the dark then get her back into her crib. Normally she would let Ember sleep on her chest until morning but it was only one in the morning and she hadn't gotten to sleep until late. She could sleep with the baby on her chest but it was never deep sleep, too afraid of rolling and hurting her. Ember wasn't pleased with the change and woke half an hour later, wailing until she was stripped down to her diaper and cuddled to her mother's chest. Shay had burrowed in under the the pillow and managed to sleep through until the sun started to filter in through the gap between the curtains. Looking across to see her mother and sister still sleeping she felt the need to do something helpful. Climbing out of bed she made her way down to the kitchen to make breakfast. She couldn't quite reach the yogurt in the fridge and it spilled on the floor when she knocked it from the shelf. After fighting to get the dishwasher open she retrieved two spoons, scooped as much of the yogurt back into the container as she could and took it upstairs. "Mama breakfast" Shay announced proudly when she got back up onto the bed.

"Okay" Erin nodded before even opening her eyes.

"Mama" Shay complained when her mother didn't wake up.

"Yes?" Erin questioned, this time opening her eyes. "Oh, breakfast. Thank you" She smiled as she sat up slowly, trying not to wake Ember.

"You spoon" Shay explained, pointing to the green plastic spoon.

"Yummy" Erin nodded as she scooped some of the yoghurt into her mouth, noticing that the container was almost empty. Trying not to worry about where the rest of the yoghurt had gone she enjoyed the impromptu breakfast in bed. Then they were up and getting ready for the day ahead, Shay helped dress Ember who was then secured in the sling on her mother's chest. Erin let Shay dress herself while she went downstairs to feed Sooty, clean up the yoghurt and retrieve some of the breakfast muffins Katie had made them. Shay appeared with her shirt back to front and inside out but had managed to get her pants on correctly and wore matching socks. Accessorized with her tiara and four sparkling hair clips.

"I dress Mama" Shay said as she entered the kitchen.

"Good job" Erin praised. "Should we fix your shirt?"

"Yes please" Shay agreed, lifting her arms to make the job easier for her mother. It was difficult not to dislodge the hair clips but Erin worked slowly and only had to replace one of them.

"Alright, you can watch telly while eating this, then teeth, shoes and jacket" Erin instructed, handing Shay one of the muffins to make up for the lack of yoghurt they had eaten.

"Yes Mama" Shay nodded as she marched off to the lounge room.

"Thank you" Erin called after her, stopping in the dining room to feed Ember while eating her own muffin. Minutes later she was getting the girls into the car and driving across the city for Shay's play-date. Shay hadn't seen Caitlin in almost a month but the adults couldn't tell as the girls instantly started a game and played quietly by themselves.

"So how are you doing?" Sharon questioned as she handed Erin a glass of juice before sitting down across from her.

"I'm fine" Erin answered confidently.

"Really?" Sharon checked.

"Absolutely. We're starting to get used to it" Erin assured, proud of the progress they had made over the last week, certain there was more to come.

"Good, Shay doesn't seem at all fazed by the change" Sharon smiled, it had been one of Erin's greatest concerns. While Sharon could see that Shay would make a great big sister she was hardly a reliable source as the parent of an only child.

"She's been wonderful, loves to help and entertains herself when Emmy's fussy" She smiled.

"Is that often?" Sharon asked curiously. It would be rude to tell Erin she looked tired but it wasn't hard to see that she wasn't getting much sleep.

"More than I'd like. It's as if she's crying for no reason" Erin shrugged, there wasn't much she could do to change it.

"That must be frustrating" Sharon empathized.

"It is a little" Erin admitted with a smile. Other than Ember's tendency to cry for half an hour to an hour shortly after being fed she was a happy and healthy baby. At least Erin had thought so until she started coughing, waking herself and crying which only made it worse. It took a little while to settle her down but then their conversation could continue, discussing upcoming activity registration dates so the girls could see each other a few times a week. Their new schedule varied greatly from the last, with the girls hoping to start a dance and gymnastics class as well as giving Spanish another chance with a different teacher. Yoga was starting again soon in a church hall Gina had organised to they could begin to get back to normal, Erin thought the timing was very convenient. Ember screamed when Sharon tried to hold her then coughed again when handed back to her mother, who was increasingly concerned. After morning tea the girls continued to play until lunch time when they had to say goodbye. Erin called the pediatrician from the car and organised an appointment first thing on Monday morning, until then she would have to monitor for a fever or any other symptoms.

"Where we go?" Shay questioned when they started to drive, having spent the duration of the phone call pulling faces at her little sister to keep her quiet.

"Umm..." Erin said, delaying so she had a chance to think. The library trip she had planned probably wasn't a good idea anymore, worried about exposing Ember to the wider community in case she caught something and developed more than just a cough. "Home for a movie" She answered at last. "Not Frozen" She added quickly.

"No fair Mama" Shay complained, it was the only movie she wanted to watch.

"I think Sooty wants to watch Blaze" Erin suggested hopefully.

"Yes she does" Shay agreed, suddenly determined that the cat meet her namesake. It made for an interesting afternoon, Sooty was compliant and curled up on the couch but Shay insisted she actively watch the television when Sooty was on screen. Thankfully for both the cat and Shay the animated animal didn't have a prominent role. Shay fell asleep sprawled across her mother's lap and Erin's plan to nap with them was abandoned, unable to get comfortable with both girls using her as a pillow. There wasn't much on television but she managed to find an ancient police show to watch, laughing regularly at the ridiculous story lines. When the girls woke they had a late lunch then played together on a blanket on the floor until Ember got tired. Putting her down for a sleep gave Erin and Shay time together to read a book, do a puzzle and colour in a picture of horses on a farm. Ember woke up and went back in the sling while Erin prepared dinner with Shay's assistance. Before she knew it Kelly and Chase were back from work, both rushing off to shower before dinner. Kelly bathed the girls then everyone gathered in Shay's room for the bedtime story. Chase sat on the end of the bed, holding Ember cautiously, worried that at any moment she might somehow slip from his arms. Erin sat on the corner beside Chase's feet and Kelly joined Shay in the bed, only partially due to his size. They all enjoyed the story and the silly voices he put on for each of the characters as much as the chance to spend time together as a family.

**I have a lot planned for little Ember :) **


	106. Chapter 106

Kelly was worried, not for Ember with her persistent cough but for Erin who hadn't slept properly for two nights as a result. She refused to let go of the infant, keeping her in the sling or on her chest the entire time. He tried everything he could think of to help her, she laughed in his face when he offered to take Ember so she could shower and sleep, so he stayed out of her way and kept Shay busy. He didn't think her reaction was warranted given that it was just a cough, it didn't seem to be causing Ember much discomfort and there were no other symptoms. As Sunday night arrived, without a family dinner because Erin refused to let visitors through the door, Kelly wasn't sure he should leave them and go to work.

"Hey, you okay?" Kelly questioned, looking across just as Erin's head fell forward. He moved across the couch towards her, placing one hand on Ember's back while stroking Erin's cheek with the thumb of the other. His wife's eyes fluttered open and she quickly pushed his hand off Ember, checking the baby before looking up at him.

"Mhmm" She nodded, there was a fifty percent chance it was the correct answer to whatever he had asked.

"Why don't you head up to bed?" He asked, though it was a combined suggestion and instruction.

"I'm not tired" Erin argued immediately.

"You know I love you right?" He smiled, deciding on a different approach.

"Yeah?" She questioned, there absolutely no doubt that she loved him, but she wasn't sure why he was asking.

"And I trust you" He added softly.

"What are you trying to say?" She asked, exhaustion made her impatient and she wanted him to get to the point.

"I'm worried about you" He explained, cupping her cheek so she had to look at him.

"There's no need for you to be, I'm fine" She assured, hoping her smile was enough to convince him.

"Emmy's fine too" He suggested.

"Please" Erin groaned, pushing him away. She had no idea how he had spent the whole weekend at home but still refused to believe there was anything wrong with their daughter. Ember had cried and coughed her way through the last two days and nights. Just because she hadn't let him help care for her didn't mean it wouldn't have been obvious that something was wrong.

"Alright. What can I do to help? I can call Boden.." He proposed, running out of ideas.

"No, go to work" She cut him off.

"And leave you alone with the girls?" He questioned realising too late that she would perceive the question as a lack of confidence.

"Yes. I am perfectly capable of looking after our children" She declared.

"You're tired" He reasoned, wishing he could pull her into a hug and hold her until she fell asleep.

"No I'm not!" She argued even though she was struggling to stay awake.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'll go to work, just let me spend some time with Emmy first, I haven't held her all weekend. Why don't you go take a shower? I'll keep an eye on her and then we can put her to bed together" He suggested gently. It was obvious she had dismissed the request without even considering it so he tried again. "Please? Just while you have a shower." He could see the indecision in her eyes.

"Okay, but you have to watch her. Pat her back if she coughs, keep her upright" She agreed after thinking for a moment.

"I've got it" He nodded, reaching across to take Ember.

"Just..." She tried to intervene so that he was holding her correctly.

"Erin" He smiled, letting her know he was perfectly capable of holding their baby.

"I'm sorry" She apologised, rubbing her eyes as she moved to get up.

"Don't apologise for being a good mum" He instructed firmly.

"A good mum wouldn't have taken her out, she's so little and I let her get sick. This is my fault" Erin argued, almost crying when Ember started to cough. The moment she stopped Erin got up and left the room, rushing upstairs to shower so she could get her baby back. Kelly followed a few minutes later, putting Ember down in her crib, hopeful he could convince Erin to leave her there for a few hours at least.

"It's not your fault" Kelly said the moment his wife emerged from the bathroom, drying her hair as she surveyed the room, immediately crossing towards the crib. "Leave her" He instructed as he got up, standing in her way.

"Just let me check her" She requested softly.

"Promise me you'll leave her there?" He asked in return, willing to move aside the moment she agreed.

"Go to work" She argued, placing her hands on his chest so she could push him out of the way. All she wanted was to be left alone with her baby, she was responsible for whatever was making her cough so she had to be the one to take care of her.

"I can't do that, not until I know that you're going to be okay" He defended, taking her wrists with as little force as was possible.

"I'm fine, it's Ember you should be worrying about" Erin shrugged, stepping back to pace the bedroom like a caged animal.

"Come here" Kelly ordered, his tone suggesting there was no point in arguing. It took her a moment and her frown remained but she moved towards him. He pulled her into a hug and held her until she relaxed then he steered her to the bed. "Lie down" He said, waiting until she complied before speaking further. "Erin you are an amazing mum and you have been doing everything you can for her, that's why I'm not worried. You are so good at looking after her but the best thing you can do for her right now is get some sleep, she'll wake you if she needs something. Just sleep so you're ready for her doctors appointment tomorrow."

"Okay" She nodded, fighting the urge to yawn.

"Just sleep" He repeated soothingly, pulling the covers up over her shoulder.

"I have to feed her first" She said, opening her eyes again the moment they closed.

"No, she'll wake you when she's hungry. Just sleep."

"Thank you" She murmured, smiling up at him.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" He questioned.

"We'll be okay, I'm sorry" She whispered, shifting to get her arm free so she could hold his hand.

"Sshhh, sleep" He instructed, wishing he hadn't asked because it only undid his efforts to get her to sleep. After kissing her softly he replaced his lips with his thumb, preventing her from speaking any further. In no time at all she was sleeping heavily, snoring softly. He checked Ember and, once satisfied everything was alright, went to work.

* * *

Erin woke with a smile on her face, the type of smile that accompanied a night of uninterrupted sleep after working herself to exhaustion. She stretched and rolled over, questioning whether or not she would be able to return to her dreams, it was light out but the room was still dark enough. Her smile disappeared when her eyes locked on the crib. She could see the outline of her baby daughter, panic setting in when she realised Ember hadn't woken her all night long. Surely that meant something was wrong. She was used to being woken by her cries every few hours, without them she had no way of knowing that her baby was alright. Maybe Ember had cried but she had been sleeping too deeply for it to wake her fully. Launching out of bed she rushed to the crib, heart racing until she felt Ember's thudding away as well. Placing her hand on Ember's chest had woken the infant, who smiled widely before opening her big blue eyes. "Hi beautiful girl. I love you" Erin whispered softly as she picked up her baby, relieved just to have her in her arms. "Did you have a big sleep? Mummy had a big sleep. You must have been very tired. I bet you're hungry now. Are you hungry?" She asked, conversing with her daughter, who's gurgles and snuffles suggested she was ready for breakfast. After changing her diaper she settled back into bed, leaning against her pillow as she set about feeding Ember.

"Morning Mama" Shay grinned as she opened the door and peeked in, pleased to see her mother and sister awake.

"Good morning Shay, how did you sleep?" Erin greeted as Shay flung open the door and entered the room.

"I sleeped good, I dream unicorn" Shay informed as she jumped her way across the bed, flopping onto her belly next to her mother.

"You had a dream about a unicorn? A big one?"

"Bigger than daddy's big red firetruck" Shay explained, rolling onto her back before making a big starfish shape to indicate the size of the unicorn.

"That's very big" Erin agreed.

"Is Emmy sad?" Shay asked as she sat up, looking curiously at her little sister.

"No, she's okay" Erin answered quickly, worried to think Shay was concerned for her little sister.

"Daddy said she grumpy, but I think she sad" Shay explained, moving onto her mother's lap so she could hold Ember's hand.

"Why would she be sad?" She questioned, eager to hear the child's explanation.

"Because she doesn't get to swim inside you anymore, or kick your guts" Shay supplied with the same cautious confidence she had every time she repeated something she had been taught but wasn't sure was right.

"Oh? Who said that?"

"Chasey... He said I no 'cuse for kicking him 'cause I not baby... but he said Fwozen not real...It is real isn't it mummy?" Shay questioned, determined to know the truth.

"Umm..." Erin stalled, trying to think of a way to avoid the truth without blatantly lying.

"Snow is real and it gotted here 'cause of Elsa. She sad like Emmy but I good sister Anna and I give her cuddles and we make snowman's like Olaf and I take her icy skating when she bigger. Emmy have my baby skates that don't fit big girls but she won't be big girl 'til she two like me. Daddy said I go skating and I can be ice dancy princess but Chasey said me be hockey pro... I be both so Daddy and Chasey happy and when I get my own grown up house it will be Elsa ice castle so I skate in my room. I not allowed to skate here 'cause it scratch floor. Sooty scratches the couch but she doesn't scratch me 'cause she loves me, I telled her I look for her leg. It's missing, you seen it?" Shay questioned, pausing to catch her breath, her one-sided discussion had continued only because her mother kept nodding to encourage her.

"I will keep an eye out for Sooty's leg. What should we have for breakfast?" Erin asked, she loved it when Shay shared what she was thinking but knew she would ramble forever if given the chance.

"Strawberries" Shay answered easily.

"And?"

"Cereal"

"Okay, I'll make our breakfast when Emmy finishes hers, you can go watch TV if you want" Erin allowed, they had plenty of time to get ready to go to the doctors. Questioning if it was even necessary, with a full nights sleep she was convinced she had been overreacting and Ember seemed fine.

"No, I want see Emmy. She make funny faces" Shay replied, holding her sister's hand out of the way so she could peer down at the side of her face.

"She does make funny faces when she's eating" Erin agreed.

"Dribbles" Shay giggled when her little sister tried to look up at her while continuing to drink.

"You're distracting her" Erin laughed, reaching for the cloth on the bedside table to clean up.

"Sorry" Shay said seriously before doing it again, seeing how close she could get before Ember gave up sucking at all. She squealed when Ember grabbed her face and tried to suck her nose, continuing to play but keeping her face well back from then on.

"Alright silly, let her finish" Erin instructed, it was great that Shay was involved and having fun but it was important that Ember wasn't left hungry.

"She not hungry" Shay declared as she moved back, rolling across the bed to lay against her father's pillow. It took a few minutes but Erin eventually reached the same conclusion, wondering how Shay had been able to tell.

"Breakfast? or should we get her dressed first?" Erin asked, not sure how hungry Shay was.

"Me pick?" Shay questioned.

"Yes you can pick her clothes" Erin agreed with a smile, she loved her girls and they loved each other.

"Dress first" Shay decided, already moving towards the drawers where her baby sisters clothes were kept. She held up half a dozen options then let her mother decide, though she insisted the Blackhawks jersey be part of the outfit. Erin talked her way out of it by convincing Shay that they would take it just in case Ember got cold. Once Ember was dressed they made their way downstairs for rice bubbles with strawberries on top, Shay liked to save the strawberries and mush them into the milk to make it pink. Erin hoped it was a long time before she discovered flavoured milk because they would probably never get her to drink the regular variety again. They watched television then went upstairs to brush their teeth and get dressed themselves. Shay sat on the bed and held Ember while her mother braided her hair, it was a great way to get her to stay still.

"Alright, ready to go?" Erin asked as they exited the bedroom.

"Where we goin'?" Shay questioned, hoping it was somewhere exciting.

"We've got to take Emmy to the doctor" Erin explained, shocked by Shay's reaction. The toddler screamed, crumpled to the floor and started to kick and cry. Taking a step back Erin let her go until she started to calm herself. "What's wrong?"

"No!" Shay said, slamming her head against the floor so hard Erin moved to stop her. "No take Emmy doctor" She wailed.

"Why? Shay stop being silly, use your words. Tell me why" Erin requested as she bent down, grabbing a hand to try to get Shay to focus.

"We keep her, she my sister, we build snowmans..." Shay sniffled, rubbing her head as she frowned.

"Oh, the doctor is going to make sure she's healthy. She's ours forever, he's not going to take her" Erin explained as soon as she understood. If the doctors had given her a sister she believed they could take her away as well.

"She mine" Shay nodded as she sat up.

"Okay. She's coming home with us" Erin calmed, surprised by how suddenly Shay could go from smiling to smacking her head against the floor.

"Promise?" Shay questioned, fresh tears still falling down her face.

"I promise" Erin assured, pulling her into a one armed hug. Shay was more interested in hugging her little sister but Erin was still able to kiss her head.

"I love her Mama" Shay said firmly before starting to go down the stairs by herself. Erin stood and thought about that for a moment, she knew it was true and it was easy to see in her actions but for her to say the words was even better. Shay helped to make sure Ember was clipped into her car seat, and tucked the blanket around her before they made their way out to the car. Even though Shay could do up her own seat belt her mother always checked it before getting in the drivers seat. Erin had expected the wait in the doctors office to be difficult for the typically impatient Shay but with Ember still awake she was kept entertained until their name was called.

"Good morning" The pediatrician greeted as he led them through to his office.

"This is my baby" Shay said firmly when he looked at Ember for the first time once they were all seated. Shay had her mother's phone but wanted to watch the doctor and protect her little sister more than she wanted to play games.

"Is she? You're a big sister now?" He questioned with a smile.

"Yes, she mine. She comin' home with us" Shay answered with a frown.

"Shay, can you please tell me your little sister's name?" The pediatrician asked nicely.

"Emmy" Shay supplied.

"And how old is she?"

"She baby" Shay answered with a small smile, it was quite obvious.

"Thank you. You're a very helpful big sister" The pediatrician decided.

"Two weeks yesterday" Erin answered softly.

"How's she going? Quite the opposite to her sister in terms of size" He commented, dividing his attention between the notes he had on file for Shay and the notes he was composing for Ember.

"She's fine, I just made the appointment because I was worried she had a cough" Erin explained, genuinely feeling as if she'd spent the last few days worrying over nothing.

"Had or has?" He checked.

"I'm not sure, she hasn't coughed this morning" She answered.

"Okay, well I'll have a look at her. I'll weigh and measure her, just a general check up" He agreed, rubbing hand sanitizer into his hands before getting up and moving to the examination space at the back of the room.

"No" Shay argued as he reached out to take Ember.

"Quiet Shay" Erin instructed.

"Emmy doesn't like him" Shay argued, now standing between her mother and the doctor.

"Sshhh" Erin added, using her free hand on the top of Shay's head to move her out of the way.

"I think you're right Shay, Emmy's going to cry when I try to look at her. Do you think you could help me by playing with her?" The pediatrician asked, fully focused on the protective big sister.

"Yes" Shay agreed.

"Hop up here then" He instructed, helping her up onto the bench. Ember cried when she was undressed but Shay held her hands and pulled faces to try to distract her. "She seems fine" The pediatrician commented after a thorough look at the infant. "Her birth weight was...?" He questioned, looking to Erin for the answer as he placed Ember on the scales.

"Ten pound"

"Hm" He frowned.

"What?" Erin questioned.

"She's at nine pound four today, weight loss in babies isn't unusual but it's a little more than I'd like considering her age. She's eating well?" He asked tilting his head to the side as he thought for a moment.

"Yeah, I feed her every few hours" Erin answered, the doctor mightn't have been but finding out that her baby had lost weight instead of gaining it was quite alarming.

"Okay. She looks happy and healthy so keep doing what you're doing. Bring her in if you notice any changes but I'll see her in a month for her vaccinations anyway" He smiled.

"You're not worried about her weight?" Erin questioned, still trying to process the numbers.

"If you're feeding her and she's eating there isn't much to worry about" He concluded with a shrug, not exactly giving her much confidence in his medical knowledge. "We can talk about your diet..." He added when he saw her face.

"No, you're probably right. I'll just keep an eye on her" Erin agreed. She hadn't returned to normal portion sizes since Ember's birth, still eating more than she felt she needed.

"Call if you have any problems" He nodded. After he said goodbye to Shay and gave her jellybeans for being such a good big sister they headed for the car. Once the children were secured Erin sat in the front trying to work out what she was doing wrong. If her baby was losing weight when she should have been gaining it that was down to her, she had to be doing something wrong. Before she knew it she was crying, frustrated that she had spent the whole weekend worrying and when things had finally started to look up she had learned that she was starving her baby.

"Mama what wrong?" Shay questioned, not used to seeing her mother upset.

"Nothing" Erin answered sharply, wiping her eyes before starting the car. As soon as they arrived home she sat down and tried to feed Ember, who had fallen asleep in the car and wasn't happy to be woken. Ember refused to eat and screamed with each attempt.

"Mama she not hungry" Shay said softly.

"Shay shush" Erin instructed, determined to get Ember to eat.

"But she not hungry" Shay repeated, climbing onto the couch next to her mother.

"Shay, go play"

"But Mama" Shay whined, reaching across to stop her mother.

"Shay stop!" Erin exploded. Both girls were crying, and the look of betrayal in Shay's eyes made Erin's heart ache, she knew she had done the wrong thing but didn't know how to fix it. She did up her shirt, placed Ember on her blanket on the floor and removed herself from the situation, heading upstairs to breathe and think. With the door shut she couldn't hear the girls. She desperately wanted to know that they were alright but didn't trust herself to find out. Pulling out her phone she dialled the first number she could think of.

"Hey, how'd the appointment go?" Kelly asked cheerfully.

"I need you to come home" Erin requested flatly, trying not to sound as unstable as she felt.

"What? What's going on? Is everything okay?" He questioned, immediately thinking that something dreadful had happened.

"Please just come home" She answered, pacing the room as tears continued to flow, she had never felt so out of control.

"Erin..." He tried but she'd already hung up.

**Sorry, this was the best place to put the chapter break. **


	107. Chapter 107

Kelly stuffed his phone into his pocket and ran through the firehouse, ignoring the questions and confused looks from his colleagues. He reached his locker and fumbled to get the right combination into the lock before grabbing his keys. Chase had followed him, equally concerned given Kelly's reaction and what he had overheard, they were his family too. "What's going on?" Chase demanded, Kelly made eye contact then walked straight past him, breaking into a run as they left the locker room. "Kelly?" Chase called after him, giving up when they reached the doors, not wanting to follow him out into the snow without a jacket. The rest of the squad joined Chase at the door, watching their Lieutenant's mad rush to get to his car, pulling out and speeding away before they knew what was happening. Kelly's mind was working at almost the same speed he was traveling, trying to narrow down possibilities. Erin had sounded distressed but not completely panicked and he hadn't heard any crying in the background, both good signs. He was thankful for the light mid-morning traffic as he took the back way home, the route with the least traffic lights to slow him down. Pushing open the car door before he was even stationary he didn't care about his terrible parking as he dashed through the gate and up the stairs. The keys slipped from his hand, delaying his entry temporarily. Bursting through the door he stopped, listening for any indication the house was occupied. Total silence. "Erin" He called, moving through into the lounge room.

"Daddy?" A small voice questioned. It took him a moment to locate Shay, hiding between the couch and wall with Ember in her arms, sleeping wrapped in her blanket. Held carefully the way she had been shown. His girls were both okay.

"Shay sweetie what happened? Where's mummy?" He asked as he bent down, taking Ember before pulling Shay out of the space.

"Sh...Sh...She...She yelled...at me" Shay cried, cuddling against her father as she sobbed.

"Hey don't cry. It's okay. She didn't mean it. Where is she?" He questioned, trying to calm Shay while also getting the information he needed.

"Mama upstairs" She answered, lip still quivering.

"Okay, let's put Frozen on for you, Emmy can sleep in her bouncy chair" He thought aloud, putting the DVD in the player and handing Shay the remote, she found it hard to remain upset when thinking about Frozen. Ember was fast asleep so after tucking the blanket around her he was sure she would be fine.

"Daddy stay" She called when he started moving towards the stairs.

"One second" He promised rushing through to the dining room in search of the solution to the problem. He found what he was after and went back to the lounge room, placing Sooty on the couch next to Shay. "Sooty hasn't seen Frozen, she's going to watch it with you while daddy goes and talks to mummy okay?" He checked, hopeful it would be enough.

"Yes daddy" She nodded, pleased to have company.

"Keep an eye on your sister" He added, looking down at Ember who was smiling in her sleep.

"I will" She promised, pulling Sooty onto her lap as she pressed the play button. He stood in the doorway, watching Shay to make sure she was okay and thinking about his wife upstairs. Shay hadn't given him much to go on and he wasn't sure what to expect. There was no point in delaying any further so he smiled at his girls and turned to climb the stairs, quietly making his way towards the closed door at the end of the hall.

"Hey" He said softy as he opened the door a little, if he had opened it fully she would have walked into it, pacing back and forth mindlessly. She was deep in thought and it took a moment for her to realise he was there.

"Are they okay? Is Shay okay?" She demanded desperately, grasping his forearms as she pulled him into the room.

"Yes, they're fine" He answered, the girls might have been but Erin certainly wasn't. She looked lost, completely out of her depth, more out of control than he had ever seen her and that scared him. Something had to be seriously wrong.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" She cried, releasing him before losing her balance, leaning against the wall for support. Then she remembered what she was apologising for and slid to to floor, curling into a ball as more tears fell.

"It's okay" He comforted as he sat down beside her. She looked up, about to argue that it most certainly wasn't but before she could speak he did. "What the hell happened Erin?" He questioned, anger growing as he spoke. It was the second time he had seen that look, she was just as scared as Shay had been when he'd first arrived, his little girl had been scared and that wasn't okay.

"I yelled at her" Erin answered softly, his forcefulness taking her by surprise. She knew it was wrong, she had the moment it had happened but she couldn't take it back.

"Why?" He questioned, struggling to think of a situation that would justify yelling at their two year old. Even then it was difficult to think of Erin as the one doing the yelling, typically calm and infinitely patient with Shay.

"I don't know! I was trying to feed Emmy... She was crying... Shay kept telling me she wasn't hungry..." Erin explained through shallow gasping breaths.

"Just breathe. You got frustrated and you shouted at her... Is that it?" He questioned, not sure why he had been expecting something worse. Her reaction was completely over the top if that really was all it had been and his anger, or concern, dissipated immediately.

"Ember wouldn't eat" She answered. Given how sensitive she had been about the new baby he wasn't concerned by the statement. One good night of sleep couldn't make up for two days of stress and he completely understood, blaming himself for the situation. He had known she was struggling but he had still left her alone with the girls to go to work.

"That's okay" He assured, taking her hand so he could give a comforting squeeze.

"No it's not! She's hungry. She needs to eat more. She's losing weight because I'm not feeding her enough. I'm starving her. I'm killing her. She isn't growing..." She ranted, barely pausing to breathe.

"Stop" He requested, she was using a lot of words and he was having difficulty processing them so quickly. At least half could be eliminated as catastrophization.

"This is all my fault. I can't do this" She decided, wiping her face before attempting to get up.

"Erin" He said, doing his best to calm her as he pulled her onto his lap. Everything else about the situation was new but the way she always blamed herself was something he was used to.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry but I can't so this" She repeated, fighting against him.

"Okay, so Emmy needs to eat more. We can talk about that later. That's not the problem right now..." He suggested when she gave in.

"I scared her didn't I?" She asked sadly, turning in his arms to see his face, convinced she would see nothing but hatred in his eyes. What sort of person yelled at a toddler for trying to help?

"Yeah" He nodded.

"I didn't mean to..."

"I know and Shay knows that too. You're more upset than she is. You did the right thing by calling me. It's all going to be okay, you know how to fix this" He assured, feeling bad for not comforting her sooner. None of this was her fault, she was under a lot of pressure, whether he understood and recognised it or not.

"She doesn't want to see me... I made her cry... She hates me" Erin declared, resting her forehead against his shoulder as his hug made her stop speaking.

"She loves you just as much as you love her, come on" He encouraged, lifting her as he stood, almost carrying her down the stairs and into the lounge room. Shay lost interest in the movie the moment she saw her parents, frowning as she tried to understand their body language. Kelly left Erin standing in the doorway, turned the television off and picked up Ember before leaving the room.

"Mama I sorry" Shay said quickly, making sure she spoke before her mother got the chance to. Erin closed her eyes and took a deep breath, finding it hard not to break down again.

"There is nothing for you to apologise for, I did the wrong thing. I shouldn't have yelled at you and I am so sorry baby" Erin replied, pulling her daughter into her arms, holding her tightly in the hope that they would both be able to forget.

"It's okay Mama" Shay comforted when she felt tears dripping onto the top of her head.

"I'm really sorry" She added, feeling as if she could apologise continuously for the rest of time but it still wouldn't be enough. Shay didn't know what to say so she hugged even tighter, hoping her gentle, patient mother was back for good. It hadn't taken much but they were both emotionally exhausted, falling asleep in a matter of minutes. Kelly had to smile when he found them, it had been a turbulent morning but he was confident everything was resolved. Everything except what was going on with the baby in his arms. Ember mightn't have been hungry earlier but after sleeping on her father for an hour she was, sucking on his finger while he tried to work out what to do. He had spent the time sitting next to his wife, their small family taking up just less than half the couch, thinking long and hard about everything that had happened over the last two weeks.

"Erin" Kelly whispered before leaning across to kiss her softly, their lips had barely touched when she started to kiss back. Adding as much pressure as she could without moving too much she savoured the moment. "Emmy's hungry" He explained when he pulled back, neither of them had wanted to be the one to end the kiss but they both needed air.

"Okay" She nodded, carefully moving Shay to one side to make room for Ember, she didn't want to let her big baby go just yet. Ember couldn't have cared less about being almost vertical, there was only one thing on her mind and she drank with great urgency for almost half an hour.

"Emmy definitely doesn't look like she's starving" He commented softly.

"She's not starving" Erin admitted. "But she hasn't put on any weight, she's two weeks old and she weighs less than she did when she was born" She explained, stating the facts without any emotion.

"That's not good" He frowned.

"I know, I wasn't just being dramatic, there's something wrong" She sighed. It was obvious that the something had to be what she was doing as the sole provider of food for the infant.

"What did the doctor say?" He questioned, trying not to worry unnecessarily.

"Keep feeding her" She summarized, the pediatrician was typically great and she usually left with a smile but the appointment had left her doubting him.

"So that's what we do" Kelly smiled.

"That's what I'll do" She corrected, not sure how he was planning on helping.

"Okay, you focus on feeding her and I'll feed you, lots of good food. She'll be big and strong in no time" He assured, smoothing Ember's light, soft hair forward.

"It is lunchtime" Erin grinned, her day had been a roller coaster but she was determined to make it an upward journey from then onward.

"I'm on it" He declared, stopping to kiss each of them before rushing off to the kitchen. Erin only felt a little squished beneath her two girls, while Ember wasn't growing Shay certainly was. Everyone loved that Shay hadn't lost her baby weight the moment she'd started walking, big cheeks and pudgy fingers remaining. For a moment both girls were dribbling on their mother, Shay's mouth falling open to dribble on her shoulder just as Ember's did the same as she drifted off to sleep. "Erin Severide, you are the best mother in the entire world" Kelly announced, quickly placing the plates on the coffee table so he could take a picture, the girls mirroring each other as Erin patted both their backs slowly and gently.

"I'm trying" She nodded, doubting his statement very much given the morning they had had.

"Good. Now you have to eat all of this, no arguments, it's for Emmy" He smiled, selecting the most stacked plate to hand to her.

"I don't actually think I can eat any of it" She laughed, showing him the limited range of movement her arms had.

"Oh, that's okay" He shrugged offering a grape and a piece of apple, she nodded at the apple and he fed it to her. They both laughed when she tried to chew it quietly, worried that the excessive crunching would wake the girls.

"We should do this more often" She decided as he continued to feed her, the sliced apple and bunch of grapes were followed by a ham, cheese and tomato sandwich, an apricot, a handful of almonds, two squares of chocolate, celery sticks with peanut butter and a tub of Shay's strawberry yoghurt. All followed by a glass of apple juice, using a straw that hadn't been up Shay's nose. Kelly had somehow managed to feed himself at the same time, so the only plate remaining belonged to Shay. It couldn't last forever but in the end the timing was perfect, Erin had just voiced her need to use the bathroom when Shay woke up, shortly followed by Ember starting to cry. Kelly showed Shay her lunch while Erin went upstairs, checking Ember's diaper on her way to the bathroom. Ember continued to cry as her mother collected her from the crib on her way back downstairs, rejoining the others in the lounge room. They put Frozen on from the beginning at Shay's request, it didn't matter that Ember cried through the first half because Shay already knew most of the words. No matter how many times Erin said she was full she still managed to eat everything Kelly brought to her, including enough ice cream for three people.

"Oh crap" Kelly muttered when his phone started to ring, speaking to himself since he was once again the only one left awake. He suspected his squad had covered for him for as long as possible but the phone call from Boden was inevitable. After making his excuses and apologising he agreed to work an extra shift at some point as penance, but was allowed to stay home for what remained of the shift. While he had his phone out he called Chase to explain, giving as little detail as possible and conveying a comprehensive shopping list to the young man. He managed to watch Blaze and Justice before Chase arrived home with dinner and enough food for a small army. Chase fit perfectly onto the couch with them, Erin in the middle with a daughter on each side, the firemen on either end as they ate, burgers followed by cake and even more ice cream. Food and family their biggest priorities.

**Food, Family and Fanfiction make me very happy (so does alliteration) :D I'm not sure I managed to get what I pictured onto the page in this chapter but I tried... **


	108. Chapter 108

"You have to buy a cake" Erin instructed the moment Kelly answered his phone.

"What?" He questioned, it was a strange request given she'd sworn never to eat cake again only two days earlier.

"Buy a cake, chocolate" She repeated simply, not understanding how he could be confused, it was a simple request. Then she remembered that Ember was crying and though she had become accustomed to the noise it was probably making it difficult for him to hear.

"Why?" He asked.

"We're having a party" She informed as if it were obvious.

"Because she's a month old?"

"No, because as of this morning she weighs thirteen pounds" Erin announced proudly, bouncing slightly in her excitement which quieted Ember for the time being. For the last two weeks she'd been weighing the infant morning and night, keeping track of her growth.

"That's more than a pound a week" He realised, it was easy to tell that he was smiling.

"You can tell me how much you love me later, I need cake" She explained, while Ember had put on three pounds Erin had lost five. It was challenging to set aside so much time for eating but as long as Ember was growing she didn't mind.

"Alright. We will bring cake, see you soon" He laughed, she could hear Shay squealing about cake in the background.

"How soon?" She questioned instead of returning his farewell.

"Half an hour?" He suggested, based on the traffic and Chase's cautious driving.

"Okay" She smiled.

"Just cake?" He asked, there was always something written on the whiteboard on the fridge that they had forgotten to buy.

"Yeah...well you know, party stuff as well" She added as she moved through to the kitchen.

"Like?"

"I don't know, buy anything you want" She shrugged, there was plenty of food in the pantry but buying more never hurt.

"Careful what you wish for" He teased, thinking about all the things he would like to spend money on.

"Food! Buy the food that you want. Hank and Russ and the girls are coming" She explained seriously.

"We're actually having a party?" He questioned, he had assumed she meant the five of them eating cake and ice cream.

"Yeah, I'm not messing around" She assured.

"We might take a little longer at the shops" He warned. When he had just been getting cake the plan had been to leave Chase and Shay in the car but now that there was more to buy he would have to take them with. Depending on their behaviour his estimated time frame could easily quadruple.

"If you could buy plastic plates and cups so I don't have to wash dishes that would be great" She added as she continued to think about things they might need.

"We have a dishwasher" He reminded, just in case she had forgotten that they didn't need to wash dishes.

"And I seem to be the only one who knows how to use it. Plastic cups and plates, cake and party food, sausages and bread for dinner. Oh and tea bags. Got it?" She questioned, if she thought of anything else she would have to send a message.

"I got it" He confirmed, though he was quite sure he had already forgotten at least one item.

"Thank you" She smiled.

"Love you" He finished, yet to share the planned stop with the driver of the vehicle.

"Love you too" She replied before hanging up, slipping the phone back into the pocket of her jeans. Erin had plenty of things to be thankful for but the discovery that her normal jeans fit again, with four functioning pockets, had been a recent addition to the list. Ember started to cry again but that didn't stop her mother from preparing for their visitors. Ember did three things, cry, eat and sleep but Erin didn't mind all the crying because she knew her daughter was healthy, she had to be if she was gaining weight. She had come to accept that she had a fussy baby and was starting to get better at functioning on extremely limited sleep. Most people would think that hosting a party on four hours of sleep was insane but she would have done it on as little as two. She'd only managed two on Sunday night but she had still gone to yoga on Monday morning, then they'd had lunch with Sharon and Caitlin before an afternoon watching movies at home. It was usually possible to doze in the afternoon but she never got any proper sleep between Shay's mischief and Ember's wailing. Stifling a yawn she continued to tidy and decorate. Just as she tied the thirteenth balloon she heard the car pull in, she was out of breath but went to greet them anyway.

"Mama!" Shay yelled as she wriggled out of Chase's grip and was set on the ground.

"Hey gorgeous girl" Erin replied with a laugh. Shay wore baggy pants and a Blackhawks jersey, with her beanie on she could easily be mistaken for a boy and had been a few times at the ice rink.

"Daddy show Mama the sprinklers" Shay instructed, moving to the back of the car where Kelly and Chase were gathering their shopping.

"Sprinkles" He corrected holding up the container of rainbow sprinkles.

"For fairies bread" Shay explained, taking the container from her father and carrying it carefully up the stairs to her mother.

"Are you going to help me make it?" Erin asked, leading Shay inside before holding the door open for Kelly and Chase.

"Yeah" Shay agreed, taking off her shoes before running to the kitchen. Erin closed the door and followed them, rubbing Ember's back until she stopped crying. Kelly and Chase were putting away the shopping while Shay had climbed onto the bench to wash her hands.

"What can we do to help?" Chase questioned as she stepped in to assess their purchases.

"Stick the thirteen to the wall" Erin suggested, gesturing for them to follow her into the lounge room. She showed them the numbers she had made, cutting two of Shay's paintings into the numbers one and three which she then wanted stuck to the wall. Chase set about putting the numbers up while Kelly followed Erin back to the kitchen offering to take Ember when she started to whimper. She knew it wouldn't make any difference so she handed the crying baby over and turned her attention to making fairy bread with Shay. Letting Shay take control of the sprinkles turned out to be a bad idea, those that didn't end up on the bench or floor were poured straight into her mouth. In the end Shay was sent out of the kitchen to help Chase so that her mother could organise the rest of the food. Kelly had miraculously gotten Ember to sleep but it didn't last long, Erin was just arranging the food on the coffee table when Ember woke demanding milk. Eternally thankful for the sling Erin was able to feed the baby while making final preparations and as she greeted their guests. Once full Ember was in the mood to play, happy to be passed around between family members.

"She looks healthy" Hank commented when he held the baby, sucking on her bottom lip as she looked around curiously.

"She's definitely growing" Nadia agreed as soon as she lifted the baby, not only was she heavier but her legs were big enough to make the seams of her stretchy pants bulge. The next size up were far too long and they didn't have a pair in the right purple to match her shirt.

"You'll just have to keep doing what you're doing" Russ concluded, Erin laughed and reached for more food.

"My first cat, Wobble, weighed thirteen pounds when he finished his diet" Katie shared proudly resulting in a laugh and a search for Sooty. Their cat wasn't even close at eight pounds, her slight frame and the absence one leg made it unlikely she would ever weigh much more. Shay enjoyed the process of weighing her though, first standing on the scales without her and then with her so the adults could calculate the difference. The moment Chase took Ember she started to cry and he quickly passed her back to her mother. The worried looks from their guests when Ember's screams continued forced Erin to take her upstairs until she calmed down.

"Is that normal?" Russ questioned, he didn't have much experience with babies but that noise coming from any living thing would have worried him.

"Yeah, she's very fussy" Kelly explained. While the amount of screaming varied greatly she cried at least half the time she was awake. Nothing seemed to help and it had gotten to the point that they hardly tried to make her stop anymore.

"Fussy? Sounds like she's in pain. Justin had really bad reflux and he didn't scream like that" Hank contributed, suggesting there was something wrong with Ember.

"The doctor said she was fine and she's growing..." Kelly defended, attempting to dismiss their comments.

"No wonder Erin looks tired if Emmy's like that all the time" Hank added. Kelly couldn't help but take the words as a personal attack and quite frustratingly he knew they were right. For the first few weeks he had tried to help with Ember, after being pushed away when she had her cough he had stopped trying. He assumed she was doing better since she only woke him once each night but Erin did seem tired all the time.

"She spends most nights down here on the couch" Chase informed shocked by Kelly's confused look.

"What?" Kelly questioned, he had no idea that Erin left their room at night but understood why she would. To let him sleep.

"Erin brings Emmy down here when she cries at night. They watch TV and sleep out here, when Em's not crying. That's why Erin's always down here watching the news when we wake up. I thought you knew" Chase explained feeling as if he was interfering where he shouldn't be.

"You let your wife and baby sleep on the couch?" Hank asked, clearly unimpressed.

"I didn't know" Kelly admitted rubbing his forehead as he tried to think. He had been so preoccupied with work and constantly providing food that he hadn't even realised she wasn't sleeping.

"Daddy?" Shay questioned, forcing her to stop mentally kicking himself.

"Yeah?" He nodded, encouraging her to continue.

"I show aunty Katie, aunty Nada my pictures?" Shay questioned, holding one of each of the girls hands. Her 'pictures' were a series of photographs she had taken on her mother's phone, they were blurry snapshots of her favourite things stuck to the wall next to her bed.

"Yeah, just be quiet upstairs" He agreed, hopeful Ember had settled. Shay's 'aunts' were dragged out of the room and Chase quickly followed, leaving Kelly alone with two men that currently though he was a terrible husband and father. Instead of worrying about them Kelly was trying to work out when he decided that providing Erin with food was all he had to do. He wanted to hug her and apologise when she joined them, trying not to think too much of the awkward silence.

"Sausages on bread with salad for dinner?" She questioned, stopping in the doorway on her way to the kitchen.

"Sounds good" Russ and Hank agreed, both turning to look at Kelly pointedly.

"I'll do it" Kelly volunteered, jumping up and leaving the room before she could argue. Slightly confused about what had happened Erin shrugged and took her husband's place on the couch, temporarily relieved of parenting duties. Ember had exhausted herself and Shay had three adults watching her. Dinner was over in no time and they waited for Ember to wake up before having cake for desert. Erin had expected a simple chocolate cake from the grocery store but Kelly had bought one from a bakery instead, requesting a large thirteen instead of a typical message on top. She wondered why Kelly was being so helpful, cleaning up, farewelling their guests and getting Shay to bed without hesitation or being asked. Walking into the bedroom to find Erin rocking Ember as she wailed made Kelly realise there was still plenty to be done. "Babe can we talk?"

"Um.. yeah sure" She agreed, adjusting the way she held Ember before smiling up at her husband. She hoped it wasn't anything too serious.

"What's going on?" He asked softly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I don't know?" She questioned, he was the one who wanted to talk and he could have been referring to anything.

"At night. Chase says you've been sleeping on the couch" He elaborated.

"Oh" Erin nodded, she hadn't intentionally kept it from him and she hadn't expected it to become a long term arrangement. It started when he got home from a double shift, absolutely exhausted, but now she did it every night even when he wasn't home. She would get a few hours sleep in bed then take Ember downstairs when she started to cry, watching late night television on mute until they both fell asleep.

"I am so sorry" He apologised as he stood up, taking Ember from her. After laying the baby on the middle of the bed he pulled his wife into a hug.

"The TV's better?" She joked against his shoulder, hoping he understood that it wasn't his fault.

"No more, you have to stay here so that I can help" He instructed, holding her face in his hands so she had to look at him.

"It's okay, you're working" She argued softly.

"Looking after our girls is a job, the most important job" He countered, she was working just as hard as he was and deserved just as much sleep. She didn't want for him to be right but she knew he was, she couldn't continue to look after their girls when sleep deprived.

"You're right" Erin admitted. "I'm going to go have a shower if you could put her to bed."

"She's making it easy for me" He commented as Erin left the room, confident that Kelly would be able to manage. Ember had soothed herself by stuffing her fist into her mouth and it took him less than five minutes to get her to sleep, drawing a line with his fingertip down her nose repeatedly until her eyes closed. Tucking her into her crib he stood and watched her sleep for a few minutes, wishing she could be so beautifully peaceful all the time. Erin was taking her time in the shower, he entered the bathroom to brush his teeth but couldn't resist the urge to join her.

"What are you doing?" She asked as he placed his hands on her hips, moving her slightly so he could stand under the water.

"I love you" He answered simply, leaning down to suck her earlobe.

"I love you?" She replied, questioning his motives not the fact that she loved him. It was hard to think and impossible to resist to his advances, twisting her around so he could claim her lips. A whole month had passed since they'd been in a shower together and it was a very different situation. Erin wasn't sure there was a problem in the whole world her husband's lips couldn't fix. Forgetting the rest of the world they enjoyed focusing on each other, then the water temperature dipped and reality stole their attention. "I love you" She said again, kissing him hard and fast while pushing him back under the stream of cold water so she could get out.

"I love you" He chuckled, letting the icy water wash away his thoughts about her. By the time he climbed out of the shower he was shivering and she was sitting on the bed feeding Ember. He got dressed and joined them, talking softly until Ember finished. She cried for half the time she normally would then yawned widely and fell asleep, letting her parents do the same.

**Ember's gaining weight but there's still something wrong with her... Sorry but I won't be able to update tomorrow :( **


	109. Chapter 109

**One day without using my laptop and a spider crawled out when I opened it... That's Australia for you :/ **

**Warning for coarse language. **

Doubt. A seed once planted that grew and manifested into something Erin couldn't control. On Sunday morning, after a long night with little sleep, Kelly brought up his concerns for Ember. The conversation with Hank and Russ had been on his mind all night and while they both hated to say it they reached the same conclusion. There was definitely something wrong with Ember. The fact that she was gaining weight wasn't enough and should never have been because they both knew that she was crying for a reason. They could distinguish her hungry or wet cries from her 'just hold me' cries and then there was the screaming. Neither of them knew what it meant but they couldn't continue to brush it off as fussiness. At first Erin doubted herself, any problem with the infant was most likely a direct result of her actions, then the doubt shifted. The pediatrician she had always trusted was cast aside in the desperate search for a doctor who would be able to identify the cause of Ember's discomfort. Over the week she took Ember to nine different doctors. As a result Shay spent Monday with Sharon and Caitlin, Tuesday and Thursday with her father, and, Wednesday and Friday with Cindy.

"Do you want to take blood?" Erin suggested hopefully at the tenth doctors appointment early on Saturday morning.

"No" The old man answered, giving the question little thought. Erin needed to know what was wrong and felt terrible to push for tests that would cause her baby pain. Just looking at Ember's tiny arm, with as many needle marks as a junkie, had caused Erin to breakdown the previous night. Nothing Kelly could say or do comforted her, she wanted answers and was determined to get them.

"Any tests at all?" She questioned, doubt growing in her mind as she came to the conclusion that he was just as incompetent as the others. Young doctors, old doctors and foreign doctors all agreed that there was nothing wrong with Ember.

"All babies cry" The doctor replied condescendingly.

"It's not crying it's screaming! I've done this before, I'm not some stupid new mum freaking out over nothing. There is something wrong with her" Erin argued pointlessly, furious as she got up and left the doctor's office. She wanted to refuse to pay the four hundred dollar bill at the reception, seeing as the useless old doctor hadn't even looked at Ember with his glasses on, but she swiped her card punched in the four digits and walked away. "You know I love you baby? I'm so sorry about all of this" Erin apologised to Ember as she crossed the road, the nearest car space she'd been able to find was on the other side of the park so they had a fair way to walk. Ember gurgled a response and flapped her arms wildly, giving her mother a smile. "Oh, you're hungry" Erin laughed when Ember started sucking on everything she could get into her mouth, first a fist then her foot and finally her mother's fingers. Finding a quiet bench in the shade, overlooking a busy playground, Erin sat down and undid the first four buttons of her shirt. Usually she had the sling or a blanket to cover herself but she'd left the diaper bag in the car and didn't want to make Ember wait. Feeding her was the one thing she knew she could do for her daughter. She wasn't particularly self conscious and the four second delay between exposing her breast and Ember latching was negligible. Tiny hands kneading against her chest as Ember drank hungrily, a steady rhythm of sucking and swallowing that calmed them both. Erin was so focused on Ember's perfect little face that she didn't hear him approaching.

"That's disgusting, you can't do that here" A man shouted, making Erin jump and startling Ember enough that she froze. It took Erin a moment to realise that he was looking straight at her and another to work out what he was even referring to. She most certainly wasn't doing anything wrong.

"Excuse me?" Erin questioned, rage bubbling in the pit of her stomach as she encouraged Ember to continue. Glaring up at the middle aged man in his striped shirt, jeans and thongs with socks, wondering if the two children lingering just behind him were his. Feeling sorry for them even if they weren't, he was setting a dreadful example.

"That's just wrong. There are children here!" He replied angrily. The children behind him flinched as he turned to gesture to the playground, they were his and it appeared his behaviour was always unpredictable.

"Some of those children were probably fed in exactly the same way as babies. Stop embarrassing yourself and leave me alone" She recommended, trying to stay calm for Ember's sake. Heart pounding just below the tiny hand.

"Don't tell me what to do, you're the one embarrassing yourself with your tit out in the middle of a fucking park, stupid bitch!" He ranted, moving closer so he could loom over her. She hated to give in to him, she was genuinely concerned for herself and Ember, who had started to cry. Focusing on clipping up her bra and buttoning her shirt she didn't notice the heavy footsteps crunching towards her until another man spoke.

"Is everything alright here ma'am?" A young policeman asked, ignoring the seething man in the hope he would calm down.

"Thank you officer. Tell her to go home, it's just indecent to be doing that here where the kids can see it. It's just plain wrong. Absolutely disgusting. No wonder her kid is so messed up..." The man started. Erin didn't even think. She stood, handed Ember to the policeman and punched the idiot squarely in the jaw. He wasn't expecting it and fell to the ground heavily, suddenly sitting in the dirt with a stunned look on his face.

"I can arrest him if you like" The policeman smiled, handing Ember back as soon as Erin reached for her.

"Arrest her!" The man yelled as he scrambled to his feet, face glowing red with humiliation.

"You can apologise and leave or you can come with me down to the district, your choice" The policeman offered kindly, stepping between Erin and the man to make sure he didn't retaliate.

"Fucking idiots the lot of you" The man raged, grabbing his two children around the wrist before dragging them off towards his car.

"Do you...?" The policeman, whose name badge read Watson, asked her, unsure what he should do.

"Take out your notepad and write down his number plate, run it when you get back to the district, organise a DCFS visit to the address and check the children" Erin instructed, arresting the man wouldn't help anyone.

"Oh, oh yeah... good idea" Watson nodded, working quickly to get the letters and numbers down before the car pulled away.

"Watson, what are you doing now?" An older policeman grumbled as he approached, looking at his young partner with an amused frown. The young officer was always rushing off to help people without saying where he was going.

"Heroically saving a damsel in distress?" Erin suggested with a small laugh, she really didn't want Watson to get in trouble.

"Hardly, you got him good" Watson defended, unwilling to take the extra credit.

"I'm sorry about that, I really shouldn't have..." She apologised, it was a terrible example to set for her daughter. If it weren't for the added stress of not knowing what was happening with Ember she wouldn't have let the man get to her.

"It was great! He totally deserved it. Is your hand okay?" Watson questioned, his partner, Fifield, looked confused but didn't say anything.

"Yeah" She assured, checking her hand for the first time, from experience she knew her knuckles would soon be coloured with bruising.

"And your baby?" He asked next, concerned that Ember was still crying. Hungry, upset by the yelling and being held by a stranger.

"She's okay, just hungry" Erin answered as she started to bounce Ember gently.

"We'll make sure nobody else bothers you" Watson guaranteed, taking a seat on the bench before gesturing for her to do the same. With a policeman seated on either side Erin continued to feed Ember. Watson explained what had happened for Fifield, exaggerating where he felt necessary to make the way he had stepped in sound vital.

"So other than being a kickass mother what do you do Erin?" Fifield asked when his partner finished.

"I ah...I'm on leave with Emmy but I was a detective at twenty-one" She explained, not quite sure how to phrase her response. She still wanted to go back to work but Ember's health was her priority, if that delayed her return she would have to accept it. Though she wasn't sure she'd be able to keep going for another five months if Ember didn't show signs of improvement.

"Awesome" Watson smiled, reminding her of Chase with his endless enthusiasm.

"Which unit?" Fifield asked curiously.

"Intelligence" She answered softly, not sure how the pair would react.

"Hank Voight?" He questioned, she could hear the judgment in his voice. There were two broad categories of police in Chicago, those who had heard of Voight and his antics, and, those that had worked with him or watched him work. Fifield was clearly the first type.

"I wouldn't want to work for anyone else... And he's a wonderful grandfather too" She explained, wishing she'd sounded more proud when mentioning her unit. They were her family and she didn't care about their reputation, she knew they were good people who worked hard to make the city safer.

"How old is Emmy?" Fifield enquired quickly, eager to change the subject. Generally women loved to talk about their children so he thought it would be a safer topic to discuss.

"Five weeks tomorrow" She answered after a moment, the change of subject surprising her.

"They're more fun when they start talking" He smiled, clearly thinking of his own children and possibly grandchildren as well.

"I don't know. Shay, my two year old, talks non-stop. It can be quite exhausting" Erin smiled, it didn't last long though as she thought about her firstborn. They hadn't spent much time together all week since she was constantly busy getting Ember to and from doctors appointments.

"Is she over there somewhere?" He asked, looking across at the busy playground.

"No, Emmy just had a doctors appointment. We were on our way home" She explained.

"Is she okay?" Watson asked, he'd known Ember for maybe ten minutes and had held her for no more than one but seemed particularly concerned for her.

"I don't know. I think there's something wrong but the doctors can't seem to find anything" She shrugged, it was hard to explain and they while they were nice they were also complete strangers.

"My daughter-in-law saw dozens of doctors before my grandson was diagnosed with epilepsy... Professor something... Professor Milne was the guy, not your average baby doctor, knows everything there is to know. Came to Danny's christening and everything, great bloke, you should pay him a visit. He'll know what's going on" Fifield advised strongly, it was obvious he had a high opinion of the Professor.

"I look him up, thanks" Erin nodded, at this point willing to give anything a chance. Their conversation was cut short by a call over their radios, requesting the officers for a robbery in progress at a gas station a few blocks away.

"No worries, hope everything turns out okay" Fifield said as he stood up.

"Yeah good luck" Watson added before following his partner off to their patrol car. Erin waved for a moment then turned her attention to Ember, only now starting to slow her frenetic sucking. It was another ten minutes before she started to fall asleep, trying to maintain eye contact with her mother as her eyelids grew heavier. Erin looked forward to getting home, if Ember continued to sleep she planned to do some washing and cleaning before making lunch for Kelly, Chase and Shay. Hopefully it would be ready by the time they returned from the ice skating rink. Her plan was forgotten the moment she found that they had beaten her home.

"You're home early" She commented as she stepped out of her boots, careful to keep the car seat still so Ember didn't wake.

"Mama" Shay whined, Erin knew something was wrong and put the car seat down before crouching to look at the toddler walking slowly towards her.

"She's okay" Kelly assured just as Erin got a good look at Shay, eyes instantly drawn to the graze on her chin.

"What happened?" Erin questioned as she pulled Shay into a hug, she wanted to get a better look at the wound but Shay hid her face against her mother's shoulder.

"Skater girl had a bit of a penguin slide, grazed her chin and palms" He explained gesturing to his hands to try to show the extent of the injury.

"Oh baby" She said before pressing half a dozen kisses to Shay's head.

"I'll take Emmy up if you've got her" He volunteered, watching as Erin stood, lifting Shay to continue cuddling the distressed toddler.

"Yeah we're good" She assured, rubbing Shay's back soothingly as she moved through to the lounge room.

"I am so sorry" Chase apologised immediately, she could tell he was nervous.

"Why?" Erin questioned as she sat down brushing Shay's hair out of the way so she could kiss her forehead.

"I was watching her, I saw the kid headed towards her and assumed he'd seen her. He didn't though, ran straight into her, sent her flying across the ice. I got there as quick as I could. Is she okay?" Chase asked, concerned that Shay wasn't her usual bouncy self.

"You're okay aren't you Shay?" Erin asked, giving the toddler an encouraging smile.

"Mmm" Shay answered uncertainly. "You kiss 'em better Mama?" She questioned hopefully, cuddles and kisses from her mother all she needed to feel better.

"Of course" Erin nodded, peppering kisses across Shay's face then from her hands up her arms.

"All better Chasey" Shay announced with a giggle, trying to get her mother to stop tickling her arms with kisses.

"All better" Erin confirmed, holding eye contact with Chase until he knew she didn't hold him responsible for Shay's minor mishap.

"I hate it when she cries" Chase explained softly.

"Me too" Erin nodded as she released Shay, miraculously healed and keen to get back to playing with her toys.

"Any luck at the doctor?" Chase questioned, the thought of crying made him think of Ember. In his opinion she was the sweetest girl in the world when she was quiet and happy, unfortunately that was rare.

"Nope" Erin answered, unable to keep the frustration from her voice.

"If there's anything I can do..." Chase replied with a small smile, leaving the offer open because he was willing to do absolutely anything that would help.

"Thank you" She nodded. They sat in silence, watching Shay and reflecting on their week, hopefully the next one would be better. Erin knew she couldn't keep passing Shay off to other people and resolved to only make one doctors appointment a day so that both girls could stay with her. Chase wanted to help more, there was nothing he could do for Ember so he hoped to contribute by cleaning and cooking whenever he was home. Deciding not to put it off Chase took Shay off to the kitchen to make lunch while Erin went to investigate what was taking Kelly so long. From halfway up the stairs she could hear Ember's screams, stopping for a moment she searched deep within herself for motivation before taking a deep breath and continuing. "Want some help?" She questioned as she entered the room, Kelly looked like he could use it.

"Yeah" He nodded, thankful that they were again working as a team. The nights were long but a quiet week at work meant he wasn't nearly as tired as Erin. He was doing everything he could to help her, continuing to provide food as well as taking turns at calming Ember and caring for Shay.

"Come here noisy girl" She said as she held out her hands to take the baby, too focused on the bright red, scrunched up face to notice as her husband's expression transitioned from pained to shocked.

"What happened?" He demanded as he reached out and grasped her right hand, turning it to get a better look at the vaguely purple knuckles. She always returned from the appointments frustrated but this time he suspected she had taken her frustrations out on the doctor before leaving.

"I punched a man who was yelling at me for feeding Emmy in the park" She answered honestly, still not proud of her actions.

"Seriously?" He questioned, punching a doctor seemed more likely.

"Yeah" She nodded, though he didn't look like he believed her. "After the appointment Emmy was hungry so I stopped in the park to feed her. A man walked over and started going on about how disgusting breastfeeding is... so I shut him up" She explained carefully, taking Ember from him when he released her hand at last.

"By punching him?" He asked, back before she'd become a mother he would have expected it but in recent years she had become a strong advocate for words over force.

"I know... and I'm sorry but you weren't there. Emmy wasn't in any danger, a patrolman was holding her when I did it" She added, she didn't need him to agree with what she had done but she wanted him to understand.

"The police were involved and you still had to punch him?" He questioned.

"He said Emmy was messed up" She whispered, covering Ember's little ears. Most would think it was unnecessary but she was justifiably sensitive.

"Sorry. I might try to come to doctors appointments from now on, that way I can punch anyone who bothers you" He suggested, quieting Ember as he squished her between them, resting his cheek against his wife's.

"I'm perfectly capable..." Erin argued, she couldn't help herself.

"I know, but it's my job as your husband" He reminded, leaning back to press a kiss to her forehead.

"I knew there was a reason I married you" She teased.

"Just one?" He asked, feigning hurt. She nodded enthusiastically then rose on her toes to kiss him properly, thankful that Ember was still quiet.

"Maybe two?" Erin shrugged, kissing him again before moving away to settle Ember in her crib, stroking her eyebrows gently until she fell asleep.

"Only two?" He laughed softly, right next to her ear, placing his hands on her hips as he joined her in watching Ember sleep.

"No, there's definitely only one" She corrected after thinking on it for a moment.

"Hmm?" He questioned sadly.

"Because I love you" She explained, turning to look up at him. Running her thumbs along his jaw before pulling his mouth down to hers, she loved these moments.

"That's the best reason" He agreed. They both wanted to stay that way forever but there was much to be done.

"Can I borrow your phone?" She asked, the first priority on her list was looking into Professor Milne, just in case he was as good as Fifield suggested.

"Sure" He smiled, pulling the device from his back pocket before handing it to her. Her focus shifted and he left her to her research, collecting the washing basket from the bathroom on his way downstairs. She joined them downstairs for lunch a little while later, having made an appointment for Tuesday afternoon.

"I made an appointment with a Professor, on Tuesday afternoon so you can come" She explained in response to his questioning look.

"This is going to be it, Emmy's going to get all better and we're all going to be happy" Chase proposed positively, holding up his slice of pizza for a toast. Shay immediately imitated him, giggling when the pizza slices collided. Erin and Kelly shared a look then followed the pair, thankful for the comic relief they provided in times of stress and hopeful that he was right.

**Tomorrow we will ****finally**** find out what's going on with Ember and from there things should start to look up for our beautiful family :D**


	110. Chapter 110

"Chase can you stop her shoving that crayon any further into her ear?" Erin requested as she watched Shay across the waiting room. She would have gone herself but Ember had just fallen asleep in her arms. Of course the plan had been to keep her awake for the appointment but when she had started to cry Erin was left with no choice but to feed her.

"Sure" Chase nodded as he got up, rushing across the room to prevent Shay needing a doctors appointment herself. After taking the stub of a purple crayon from her hand he redirected her attention to the drawing she had been working on, encouraging her to finish it.

"She wouldn't be so crazy if we didn't have to wait an extra hour" Kelly said unhelpfully, wanting Erin to know that he wasn't enjoying the long wait.

"I didn't want to be late" Erin reasoned with an apologetic smile, while it had only been a week she had become used to waiting for doctors appointments. Usually by herself she didn't account for the impatience of her family. Kelly had agreed to come and Shay had refused to stay behind, Chase just didn't have anything better to do.

"I love you both and I want to know what's going on with Emmy just as much as you do" He started, smoothing Ember's hair as she continued to sleep. "But I don't want you getting your hopes up. He's just going to be another clueless old guy" He warned, seeing the flicker of pain in her eyes.

"I know..." She nodded, well aware that she had let herself invest far too much hope in the appointment.

"Show Mummy your drawing" Chase instructed as he lead Shay back over to her parents. He didn't like their serious expressions but was sure that interacting with Shay would get them smiling again.

"Look Mama!" Shay enthused as she held up the picture.

"Wow" Erin smiled, thankful for the distraction as she looked at the blobs and scribbles on the page.

"This you, Daddy, Emmy and Chasey" Shay explained as she pointed to each of the blobs, the biggest her father and the smallest her little sister.

"What about you?" Erin questioned, wondering if Shay had intentionally forgotten herself.

"Oh..." Shay realised, saddened that her artwork wasn't perfect.

"Go get a crayon and you can add yourself right here in the middle" Erin instructed.

"Woah" Chase commented, expressing his surprise as Shay shoved her hand into her pants, pulling out a green crayon.

"Shay, no" Erin scolded, shaking her head in disapproval.

"No crayons in your pants little lady" Kelly elaborated, noticing the confused look on the toddlers face, she had no idea what she had done wrong.

"Why?" Shay asked, she thought it was a great place to store crayons. Her parents stored things in their pants: phones, keys, wallets, hair clips and a wide range of other small objects. Hers pants just didn't have pockets like theirs.

"Because it's not nice. They don't belong to you" Kelly reasoned gently, finding it difficult not to find the Shay's actions amusing.

"I put back?" Shay questioned, not sure what she needed to do to fix the problem.

"Yeah, you go put it back" Erin agreed. Chase got up to take Shay back to the childrens table in the corner, almost bent in half as he tried to talk to her while walking. Erin and Kelly exchanged a look then smiled, both proud of Shay's ability to question them and provide a solution. She seemed to be getting bigger and smarter every single day. They praised Shay and clapped softly when she returned, presenting the completed artwork. Kelly bounced Shay on his knee as they continued to wait, Chase tapping his fingers nervously on the arm of his chair. Erin was increasingly frustrated by her own excessive punctuality.

"Ember Severide?" The doctor called at last, smiling broadly as the young family stood up.

"I might take Shay for a walk outside" Chase volunteered, suspecting the appointment would be boring for Shay. After waiting an hour to go in he didn't want Shay being disruptive when her parents were trying to focus on Ember.

"Yeah, thanks" Kelly nodded as he handed Shay over.

"Good luck!" Chase added as they started to move away, completely unprepared for Shay to start squirming wildly. 

"Mama!" Shay called, wriggling her way to the floor so she could run after her mother to give her the drawing for good luck.

"Thank you" Erin smiled as she accepted the drawing, bending down to kiss Shay before directing her back to Chase and turning to follow Professor Milne. They were both surprised when they entered his office, overwhelmed by the photos, letters and drawings stuck all over the walls. Hundreds of smiling faces with accompanying thank you letters, he might just be the miracle worker they were looking for. Both smiling as he introduced himself, shaking their hands before patting Ember's arm softly, acknowledging that she was the reason for their visit. Erin could tell that Kelly was nervous, almost tripping over the chair as they sat down, a good first impression didn't mean anything.

"Lovely to meet you both, let's get straight into it. What seems to be the problem with little Ember?" He questioned, straightening his glasses as he sat back to listen.

"I... We really aren't sure. Emmy's very unsettled and she screams, sometimes for hours, like she might be in pain..." Erin explained, listening to Ember's screams was only slightly harder than describing them. Professor Milne hung on every word, mind spinning as he narrowed down possibilities, eager to find the cause of the problem.

"Screaming? Not crying?" The professor clarified thoughtfully.

"Definitely screaming" Kelly confirmed with a nod, wondering if any of the doctors Erin had been too were as intense.

"Does she wake up screaming or does it only start when she's been awake?" He asked next, looking from Erin to Kelly as he waited.

"Both, she wakes up upset sometimes but it's random" Erin answered, if it was regular she would have been able to narrow down the cause.

"So there's no pattern?" Professor Milne checked, somewhat surprised.

"Not as far as I can tell" She replied, feeling useless for not being able to provide more for the doctor to go on.

"She's breastfed?" He enquired, she looked very healthy, but sleeping baby's almost always did. That was the challenge, parents were the best source of information when the child couldn't yet communicate and he needed as much as they could provide.

"Yes" She nodded.

"Any trouble with eating or growing?"

"We had some trouble to start with, it took almost a month for her to start gaining weight. She eats well though" Erin explained, she still weighed Ember once a day she hadn't yet lost a single ounce she put on.

"And you? Are you eating normally" Professor Milne asked, turning his attention to Erin after giving Kelly a small comforting smile. Kelly really didn't know what to make of the old man but he was pleased with the level of interest he was showing.

"Yeah, a normal balanced diet, just twice as much" She said with a small laugh, it had been fun at first to eat whatever she wanted whenever she wanted to, but it had quickly become a laborious task.

"Interesting..." The professor mused as he continued to think. "How long ago did you feed her?"

"About half an hour" Erin reported after checking her phone for the time.

"Does she ever scream immediately before eating?" He asked, the answer would cross out a few conditions.

"No"

"After?"

"No"

"A few hours later then" He assumed.

"Yeah, she usually sleeps after being fed then wakes up screaming, but not always" Erin

"The timing isn't consistent" He commented, more for himself as he turned in his chair to reach for a textbook.

"It could be a few minutes of a couple of hours" She supplied as he flicked through the book, it was obvious he knew what he was looking for. Settling on a page he scanned the text then looked up at Erin.

"Do you mind if I have a look at her?" He questioned, reaching for her.

"Not at all" Erin smiled, more than willing to hand Ember over to the professor with strong, steady hands. Only four of the ten other medical professionals she'd consulted had conducted a physical examination. As gently as he could, to avoid waking her, he palpated her abdomen then used his stethoscope to check her heart rate, breathing and digestive tract. Frowning slightly as she started to stir.

"Hello sweetheart" He greeted as her eyes opened, a cry immediately rising as she failed to recognise him. "I know, I'm sorry" He said softly as he fastened her clothes and handed her back to her mother. "Just keep her awake for me, upright"

"Anything?" Kelly questioned impatiently, reaching for Ember's foot as she continued to cry. The professor didn't appear to have heard the question, watching Ember as her cries started to turn into screams.

"Aha... definitely screams" He nodded, turning the textbook pages carefully.

"Nothing we do helps" Erin said, patting Ember's back even though she knew it wasn't going to make a difference.

"Any gastrointestinal issues in the family?" Professor Milne asked looking up at them the moment he had scanned the relevant passage of text.

"No" She answered immediately, she hadn't been expecting the question.

"Allergies, food aversion or intolerance?" He pondered, smiling at Ember as Erin turned her around to face him.

"No" She shook her head, thinking for a moment before turning to Kelly to make sure he didn't have anything to contribute.

"Nothing at all?" He questioned, sounding surprised.

"Not that I know of" Erin answered, her family history wasn't particularly accessible.

"Same" Kelly answered when the professor turned to him.

"Okay" The professor nodded, mentally running over all the information he had gathered before he said anything. "It's possible that she's lactose intolerant" He supplied at last, unable to think of anything that contradicted his hypothesis.

"What does that mean?" Kelly questioned instantly, though it was fairly obvious.

"That just means that she isn't producing lactase, the enzyme that helps break down the sugar in milk and most dairy products, lactose. It's quite rare for a baby to be born lactose intolerant, more so if there isn't a genetic component but it isn't impossible. There's no evidence to suggest reflux or colic, of all the options it makes the most sense" Professor Milne explained.

"So what do we do?" Erin asked though she had a fair idea.

"Well first we need to confirm that it is lactose intolerance" He suggested.

"I need to stop eating dairy products?" She questioned to confirm her suspicion, estimating that that was almost a third of her diet.

"Yes, it'll take a few days but by the end of the week you'll be able to tell" The professor nodded.

"And if she is lactose intolerant?" Kelly asked, concerned for the long term implications for Ember, the thought of having a child that couldn't drink milk, eat cheese or ice cream worried him.

"I'd recommend a lactose free formula. She might grow out of it but there isn't a lot of research at the moment" He summarised.

"Why wouldn't I just give up lactose?" Erin asked, thinking that was the most sensible solution.

"I suppose you could" He smiled. Parents that questioned his recommendations were his favourites, advocating for their children with the same passion he showed for diagnosing them.

"Surely that's better than bottle feeding her" She reasoned. Shay had hated drinking from a bottle and had only done so after crying for hours due to hunger, she wanted to avoid the trouble with Ember if it was possible. She loved taking time out to connect with Ember through breastfeeding and didn't want to give that up even if it was for selfish reasons.

"Yes, it's better for her but it isn't going to be better for you. You'll need a high calcium diet" The professor advised, placing a call to his receptionist while he gave them a moment to process all the information.

"Okay" Erin nodded when he put down the phone. Kelly looked less convinced, worried about the massive impact it would have on the things they were able to eat. If she had to give up ice cream they were hardly going to eat it without her.

"Trial it for a week. If Ember is still screaming after that make another appointment, if not leave a message with my receptionist or I'll worry about her" He admitted, some would see his attachment as a negative but it was his driving force. Erin appreciated it, smiling broadly now that she knew what the problem was.

"We will. Thank you so much" She replied as she stood up, holding Ember in one hand while extending the other to shake the professors, she wanted to hug him but didn't think it would be appropriate.

"Yeah, thanks" Kelly nodded as he got up, following them back out to the waiting room. Professor Milne provided an extensive guide to living with lactose intolerance, explaining his need to call his receptionist. Erin thanked him again then they paid and went to find Chase and Shay. Out in the courtyard Shay was walking around the edge of the raised garden bed, holding Chase's hand firmly for fear of falling. Her mother told her off for trying to peel the scabs on her palms a hundred times a day and she didn't want to add to that number. Chase immediately picked up on Erin's grin though Ember continued to scream so he knew it hadn't been a quick fix situation.

"And?" Chase asked hopefully, lifting Shay into the air before letting her down so she could run to greet her parents.

"She's lactose intolerant" Erin answered with a sigh of relief.

"She might be" Kelly corrected, they hadn't proven anything yet.

"No she is. It's the only thing that makes sense, days when I have yoghurt for breakfast she's really fussy. The other night after ice cream. I had toast on Sunday and she was fine until after the Nachos for lunch, with cheese and sour cream" She provided as evidence, absolutely no doubt in her mind.

"Oh... you have to stop eating that stuff?" Chase realised, it took him a moment to make the connection between what Erin ate and what Ember would be eating as a result.

"Yeah" Erin nodded.

"What can you eat?" He questioned, suddenly unable to think of a single meal without milk based ingredients.

"Plenty of stuff" She laughed, leading the way back to the car. Later that night she stood staring into the fridge, focusing on all the foods she wasn't allowed to eat. Kelly had managed to make a lactose free dinner, steak and vegetables. It wasn't going to be as easy as she initially thought but she was going to make it work for Ember.

**Emmy is lactose intolerant. I am not a doctor but I am lactose intolerant myself and have been since birth, the only person in my entire family. It took my mother nine weeks and a dozen doctors to figure it out so that side of it is very realistic. I wanted to write the week trialling no lactose in this chapter but I ran out of time, there'll be more on that tomorrow. **

**Thoughts/Questions/Reactions :D **


	111. Chapter 111

"Daddy?" Shay questioned as she entered the kitchen, her father standing in the soft glow of the refrigerator light. She had no idea what had woken her, it was the middle of the night, but when she'd heard strange noises downstairs she had been compelled to investigate. Surprised to see him after he'd missed putting her to bed because he had to work late.

"Shay? What are..." Kelly started to ask before rethinking his plan. "Do you want to help me?"

"Yes" She nodded, straightening her pyjama pants as she walked towards him.

"Ice cream of yoghurt?" He asked, retrieving the two containers before holding them up so she could see the choices. It was a very difficult decision for her to make, two of her favourite foods on offer.

"Ice cream" She answered slowly, forehead creased in a frown as she committed to the frozen treat. She was allowed yoghurt everyday in comparison to ice cream once or twice a week.

"Good choice, here you go" He smiled, handing her the tub before turning to get her a spoon. Shay looked from the orange plastic spoon to the ice cream and then at her father. Staring at him with disbelief in her eyes, an entire tub of ice cream instead of a single scoop in a little bowl. She suspected it was too good to be true, it had to be some sort of test, so she waited for approval. "Eat up" He encouraged as he took the lid off the container of yoghurt.

"Why?" Shay enquired, sitting down so she could put the ice cream down before her hands got any colder.

"So mummy doesn't get sad" He answered. The moment he knew Erin was asleep he had crept down to the kitchen. The plan was to make her life easier by getting rid of the dairy products he knew she would have trouble resisting. He hated the idea of throwing away food and this way they could at least have some fun eating some of it.

"Why?" She repeated, ice cream made mummy happy when she was sad and it was yummy.

"Mummy isn't allowed to eat this anymore" He explained, closing the fridge before sitting down next to her as he started to eat the yoghurt. The full moon out the kitchen window providing enough light to see each other.

"Why?" She asked a third time, remaining unconvinced.

"Because it's not good for Emmy" He supplied, glad that she was curious but not sure how to explain Emmy's lactose intolerance in a way she would understand.

"How?" Shay persisted, determined to make sense of the strange midnight ice cream offering.

"Emmy can't have milk..." He began.

"Don't be silly Daddy!" Shay scolded wondering if he was still sleepy. "Emmy have mummy milk 'cause she baby" She explained remembering the numerous times she'd been told off for trying to share her food with her little sister.

"Emmy can have mummy milk as long as mummy doesn't have moomoo milk" He attempted to resolve. Shay continued to frown at him as she stabbed her spoon into the ice cream, beginning to eat before it melted while remaining skeptical. If he had gone insane she was at least going to take advantage of the opportunity to eat ice cream. She was on her third mouthful when Chase entered the kitchen, he didn't even notice them as he crossed to the fridge and started to drink milk straight from the bottle. "Chasey" Shay scolded firmly, feeling like the only sensible person in the room. Chase jumped and milk poured down his front as he spun to look at them.

"What are you doing?" He asked sleepily, capping the milk before putting it back in the fridge.

"What you doing? Naughty boy!" Shay threw back at him. Not only did she know not to drink from the bottle but she was also forbidden to touch it after spilling milk all over the kitchen floor three mornings in a row a few weeks earlier.

"Getting a drink little miss. You should be asleep" Chase defended with a smile.

"Daddy made me" She blamed throwing a triumphant look at her father, getting him in trouble could be fun.

"Ahh..." Chase nodded, getting a spoon before sitting down beside her, helping himself to the ice cream. They sat in silence to eat, occasionally swapping the ice cream and yoghurt when they started to get headaches from the intense cold. Between them they finished the yoghurt easily but the tub of ice cream had barely been touched and just shy of the halfway mark they decided to stop. Shay was yawning having slowed to a spoonful every few minutes and they were starting to feel sick. Kelly ventured outside to put the containers in the garbage bin while Chase helped wash Shay's sticky hands and face.

"Now Shay, this is our secret, you can't tell mummy" Kelly explained as he carried her towards the stairs, Chase following along behind.

"Secret?" She checked, familiar with the word.

"Yeah, don't tell mummy" He nodded, she gave a single serious nod in response and let him tuck her into bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

* * *

"Mama, Daddy maked me and Chasey eat ice cream in the night time" Shay announced early the next morning as she entered her parents bedroom. Her mother was sitting up feeding Ember while her father was still sleeping, pillow held over his head. She climbed onto the bed, stopping to kiss her little sisters head before making herself comfortable between her parents.

"Shay!" Kelly groaned, muffled by the pillow. Wondering why he had expected the two year old to be able to keep quiet.

"He said it was a secret and not tell mummy!" Shay explained, looking to her mother for approval. They had had a very serious conversation about secrets and Erin was pleased that Shay remembered what she had been taught.

"Thank you for telling me Shay" Erin smiled, pulling Shay to her side for a hug.

"You little monster" Kelly grumbled as he emerged from beneath the pillow, grabbing Shay around the middle and dragging her in under the covers before he started to tickle her. She squealed with laughter and kicked at him to make him stop, instead he caught her little feet and tickled them as well. Erin shifted slightly to give them more room then pulled a face at Ember to indicate that they were being silly. The corners of Ember's mouth turned up in a smile before she started to laugh, her mother sighed and sat her up, unwilling to risk her accidentally inhaling milk as she continued to laugh.

"Daddy" Shay shrieked as he rubbed his stubbly chin against her foot.

"What?" He questioned.

"Your face prickly scratchy" Shay explained as she twisted her foot free of his grip, crawling up to sit on his chest.

"Time to stop anyway" Erin instructed looking at her husband seriously.

"Why?" He questioned with a childish pout.

"Emmy needs to settle down so she can finish her breakfast"

"Is Emmy a happy baby? Is she? A happy baby who's laughing? What are you laughing at? What's so funny?" He questioned as he sat up, Shay sliding into his lap with a huff as he pulled faces at Ember, flapping her little arms wildly as she reached for him. Her laugh a million times more beautiful than her screams, thankfully something he hadn't heard since Tuesday afternoon.

"You Daddy, she laugh at your silly face" Shay explained, moving between the pair to steal her father's attention. Placing a hand either side of his face to make sure he was looking at her.

"My silly face? I think she's laughing at your silly face" He suggested, gently pinching Shay's chubby cheeks.

"Mama!" Shay complained immediately. "My face prettyful not silly" She argued, looking to her mother for support.

"Your face is pretty and beautiful. Why don't you take Daddy and go get some breakfast?" Erin questioned. It was lovely to spend time smiling and laughing as a family but she wanted to finish feeding Ember so she could get up and get on with the day.

"Can't" Shay answered.

"Why not?" Erin enquired, waiting for the no doubt amusing response the toddler would come up with.

"Daddy eated all the yoghurt" Shay frowned, pointing a chubby finger in his direction.

"You had some!" Kelly defended, not sure if Erin would be annoyed at him.

"But you eated it all" Shay clarified.

"You can have some of Daddy's cereal instead" Erin proposed watching Shay's face light up at the thought of the sugary goodness.

"Really?" Shay asked, wondering why her parents were letting her eat all her favourite foods.

"Yeah, just make sure you brush your teeth properly" Erin added as the only condition.

"Yes Mama!" Shay vowed before launching from the bed, running towards the stairs. When she looked back and saw that her father was taking his time she rushed off to tell Chasey the exciting news.

"Are you sure?" Kelly asked, as he reluctantly got out of bed.

"Yeah, she has playgroup" Erin explained with a smile, it was the one morning a week Shay could eat as much sugar as she liked and still nap after lunch.

"Can I take her?" He questioned hopefully.

"If you want" She agreed, not fazed either way. It was fun to watch Shay play and talk with other parents but there was plenty to be done around the house. Things she had been too busy to even remember to do since Ember's birth.

"You just have a nice quiet morning with our smiley girl" He instructed, leaning across to kiss them both before leaving the room to find Shay. The crazy two year old practically bounced from the walls after breakfast, pulling on the clothes that had been laid out for her before jumping on her bed and racing to brush her teeth. Chase was sure someone had accidentally pressed a fast forward button when he entered the bathroom to find Shay brushing her teeth at double speed. After slowing her down and supervising to make sure she brushed properly he watched as she sped off down the hallway to find her father, singing about playgroup as she went. Chase enjoyed playgroup almost as much as Shay did and rushed to get ready so that he could join them on the outing. Both men showed had little interest in talking with the other children's parents and instead focused on Shay. By the time they made it to the car they all felt ready for a sleep but Kelly didn't take them straight home, stopping at the shopping center on the way. He walked the aisles finding lactose free and high calcium foods while Chase followed, Shay fast asleep on his jacket in the trolley. Kelly wasn't sure he'd ever bothered to read the labels before but it took twice as long to buy the few things he had in mind, and they cost almost twice as much too. Erin appreciated his thoughtfulness though.

"Looks like you bought everything" She commented, holding a block of lactose free cheese in one hand and a container of sorbet in the other.

"I tried" He grinned handing her the yoghurt and milk so that she could put them in the fridge as well.

"Thank you" She smiled, stopping to hug him before sorting through the rest of the groceries he had purchased.

"Thank you" He replied, elaborating when he noticed her slightly confused expression. "For making our babies big and strong."

"How did our big baby go at playgroup?" She asked instead of lecturing him on how it was a team effort.

"She was good, no throwing balls at the other kids this week" He answered proudly. Teaching her new skills was fun but unteaching them was difficult, what started as a game of catch had quickly morphed into a vicious game of toddler dodge ball in the ball pit.

"And Chase?" She questioned, not sure that it was normal to feel quite so maternal towards a grown man.

"Just as tired as she is" He laughed, taking her hand to lead her through to the lounge room, the pair curled together, sleeping deeply on the couch.

"The kids are asleep and the house is clean. What do we do now?" She wondered, it was a novel experience and she honestly couldn't think of anything.

"Well..." He suggested with a look she knew well.

"You know we can't... that appointment's next week though, Emmy's getting vaccinated at the same time" She explained softly.

"We could just sleep...together... seeing as I'll be at work tonight" He joked with a grin she expected he had used a lot as a teen.

"I actually did a lot of cleaning this morning" She reasoned, trying to justify a midday nap to herself and her husband as they made their way upstairs to their bedroom. After checking on Ember they cuddled on the bed, one kiss turning into many as they made the most of the quiet time together.

**Based on the reviews I've received I understand that you want more Linseridey moments and I'm trying to incorporate that sort of thing but Erin has just had a baby and they're a busy family a lot of the time. They do have their first anniversary coming up soon though (when Emmy's 11 weeks old). Suggestions or requests? (I'll credit you if I use your ideas). Anything could happen between now and then though... ;)**


	112. Chapter 112

"Babe just because I'm at work doesn't mean I'm awake" Kelly grumbled as he answered his phone. Almost falling out of the single bed as he rolled to grab it, if only to stop the incessant buzzing.

"Sorry" She apologised, losing her enthusiasm as she realised she'd woken him. It was just before seven but she had assumed he would be awake, he usually was.

"What?" He questioned sharply as he sat up, rubbing his eyes as he fought the haze of sleep.

"Oh...um..." She sighed, it suddenly didn't seem very important.

"I'm sorry. We were called to three dumpster fires and a car crash this morning" He apologised, explaining why he was so irritable, he'd only had a few hours of sleep.

"I'm sorry... I just wanted to tell you that Emmy slept through the night, from ten last night until just now... she's not even six weeks old" Erin explained with a broad smile, excitement returning as she spoke.

"Really?" He asked, just as surprised as she had been when she'd first woken up.

"Yeah" She nodded.

"That's awesome" He smiled trying to sound as thrilled as he was starting to feel. Even though she was a month and a half old they felt like they were just getting to know their baby, so much happier without lactose in her life. If sleeping through the night was part of that it was certainly something to be celebrated.

"That was it... Go back to sleep" She shrugged apologetically, it really wasn't important enough to wake him for and she regretted making the call.

"Hey I'm sorry. Do you think you could stop by on your way to the library? I'd love to see you and the girls" He asked hopefully.

"Alright, Emmy might like to meet everyone properly" Erin agreed, wondering if Ember would be more sociable when happy and well rested.

"Thank you" He smiled, acknowledging that she was going to extra effort to make up for waking him even though he had been grumpy.

"I'll send you a message when we leave" She finished, not sure what else to say.

"Can't wait. Love you" He replied.

"Love you too" She added before hanging up and placing the phone back on the bedside table. "You can't still be sleepy" She told Ember, little eyelids fluttering closed as she struggled to stay awake even though she was hungry after not eating all night. While Ember was tranquil Erin seized the opportunity, getting up slowly before moving across the room to retrieve the tiny nail clippers. With Shay they had worked together, one person holding her tiny hands while the other trimmed her nails. Alone Erin found it slightly more difficult, especially since Ember kept waking up, sucking vigorously for a moment then drifting back to sleep. Once her left hand was done Erin had to swap her around to be able to do her other hand at the same time. Fearful of hurting Ember the intense concentration required was quite tiring and Erin didn't even consider doing her toenails at the same time. "Should we go find Shay?" Erin asked Ember, essentially talking to herself since the baby was fast asleep.

"Mama?" Shay questioned the moment her mother appeared in the doorway, peeking out from the blankets.

"Good morning" She greeted, stepping into the room.

"What is the day?" Shay asked as she unrolled herself from her blankets, locating Roary under her pillow in the process.

"Friday" Erin answered though it was a strange request, they had slowly been talking about the names of the days but Shay didn't yet understand their significance or order.

"When is it Satday?"

"Saturday is tomorrow" She supplied, curiosity increasing.

"Oh" Shay nodded, turning her attention to untangling her sheets and tucking Roary in. Chase had recently taught her that Roary was nocturnal like an owl, sleeping during the day and standing guard all night long.

"Why do you need to know the day?" She asked since Shay wasn't going to explain herself.

"'Cause" Shay shrugged, almost looking ashamed. Then she kissed Roary and crept from the room the way her parents did when she wasn't quite asleep.

"Okay" She nodded, taking Shay's hand so they could descend the chairs together. They worked together to let Sooty out and feed her then set about getting breakfast. Shay's two small uncoordinated hands considerably helpful since Erin only had one free, Ember sleeping soundly held against her chest. Erin didn't like the fortified high calcium cereal, but watching television took her mind off the too crunchy then suddenly too mushy flakes.

"Mama" Shay started, placing her empty cereal on the bowl on the coffee table before turning to look at her mother seriously.

"Yeah?" Erin asked as she copied Shay, sensing she wanted to talk about something serious.

"I don't wanna go icy skatin' 'morrow" Shay mumbled quietly, avoiding making eye contact.

"Oh...why?" Erin questioned. Shay had loved the last few weekends, skating every Saturday morning with her father and big brother. Then Shay looked up and it made sense, the bright pink skin on her chin reminding Erin of the fall she had had.

"I don't want to" Shay repeated more firmly.

"You don't have to if you don't want to" Erin smiled, wanting Shay to understand that she was never going to force her into sports or anything else for that matter.

"But daddy be sad" Shay reasoned, he was always teaching and encouraging her and she didn't want him not to go just because she didn't want to.

"Daddy won't be sad" Erin assured though she knew Kelly would find it difficult. It was perfectly reasonable for Shay not to want to skate again after getting hurt but she didn't want her to be afraid. "I can talk to him if you want" She offered, it was the best solution she could think of.

"No, I tell daddy" Shay insisted.

"We're going to visit him before we go to the library. You can tell him then" She suggested after a moment of silence.

"Yes Mama" Shay agreed though she sounded almost as reluctant as when her mother had asked her to take her Elsa doll out of the freezer.

"Should we go get ready?" Erin asked as the program ended.

"One more 'toon?" Shay requested.

"Okay, one more cartoon" Erin agreed, finding it difficult to see Shay so troubled over something that was supposed to be fun. She just hoped Kelly would know what to say to make it better. Unfortunately the next cartoon that came on was one Shay wasn't allowed to watch, they changed to documentary featuring flamingos. Shay liked the silly pink birds and watching them land on the water and eat made her giggle. They weren't having much luck as the segment quickly ended and suddenly crocodiles were launching from the murky water to capture desperately thirsty wildebeest. Not wanting to scare Shay with the gruesome footage Erin tried to find something better to watch, there wasn't much to choose from so in the end she turned the television off. They sat in silence for a few minutes and just as Erin moved to get up Shay found a new way to delay the visit to the firehouse.

"I can hold Emmy Mama?" Shay questioned.

"Yeah, but lets go upstairs first. You can sit on the bed and I'll do your princess hair" She proposed, Shay knew it was part of getting ready but agreed anyway. Looking forward to holding her baby sister and having princess hair at the firehouse and library, wearing a tiara was tedious and a braid was much more comfortable. Ember didn't even stir as she was handed over and her mother started to worry about how sleepy she was given she'd slept soundly all night, she was probably just growing. Shay liked Ember's little fingers and lips the best, kissing each finger before tracing her little lips, making her turn her head and suck reflexively. Erin stepped out of the bathroom, comb and hair tie in hand, and was hit with a sudden surge of happiness. Her girls were perfect and there was nothing more beautiful than seeing them together. She didn't want to interrupt and was thankful that Shay continued as if she wasn't there as she combed her hair and started the braid, tricky with short hair and a constantly moving head. "All finished" She announced as she stopped to look at the braid, tucking in loose strands of hair and adjusting it slightly.

"Now Emmy get dressed?" Shay asked wanting to avoid getting ready herself.

"Yep, what should she wear?" Erin questioned in response, walking across the room to start looking at Ember's clothes.

"A pretty dress" Shay requested hopefully.

"Okay..." Erin accepted as she looked through the drawer for a particular dress, a teddy bear printed long sleeved dress that would be warm enough with a pair of woolen tights. "This one?" She asked Shay though there was no real alternative. Erin was thankful when Shay agreed, taking the cream dress with brown teddy bears and a pink singlet and tights across to the bed. Shay helped to take Ember's pyjamas off then watched as her mother struggled to get the tights up Ember's chubby baby legs. Leaving her mother to finish dressing the baby Shay searched the box under the change table for a headband to match, selecting one that had been crocheted for her when she was little. Soft pink wool with an oversized flower that when placed to the side made Ember look very cute. Leaving Ember in her crib for the time being Erin chose clothes for Shay and left the toddler to put them on while she went to get ready herself. After collecting Shay on the way past they stopped in the bathroom so Shay could brush her teeth then gathered her library books and headed downstairs. It was then a matter of putting Ember in her car seat, pulling on shoes and jackets before venturing out to the car. Before starting the car Erin took a moment to send the messaged she had promised.

"Music!" Shay demanded and four songs later they were pulling up out the front of the firehouse, waiting in the car until the last one finished before Shay would get out.

"Time to go see daddy" Erin enthused as she opened Shay's car door on her way around to get Ember out. Usually Shay would run ahead to find her father but today she waited for her mother and sister, almost hiding behind her mother as they entered the building. Erin stopped to talk to Casey and Hermann, showing off Ember who had just woken up, before continuing on her way. Her little shadow rushing after her to keep up. The squad table was deserted so they checked the kitchen, finally finding him in his office writing reports.

"Hey" Kelly greeted as he stood up, dropping his pen to the desk before moving to kiss his wife and cuddle his baby daughter. "Does that taste good bub?" He questioned with a laugh as Ember continued to suck her fist, drooling as she tried to smile at him. "Where's Shay?" He asked after focusing on Ember for a few moments.

"She was right... Oh... She found Pouch" Erin explained, looking behind to see Shay on the other side of the room, hugging the sleeping dog. "Umm... Shay wants to talk to you" She informed.

"What's she been saying now?" He laughed, convinced she must have learned an amusing new phrase, then he saw Erin's serious expression and knew it was something more.

"No. She doesn't want to go skating tomorrow. She's scared of getting hurt again. I didn't know what to say to her..." She answered carefully, it was better to give him some warning so he could start thinking of an appropriate response.

"Alright, I'll talk to her" He nodded. Erin sighed, he didn't appear to be taking it as seriously as she thought he should. This could be a defining moment in Shay's life, determining if she would be give in to her fears or fight them.

"We can do it together" She suggested gently, she wanted to trust him but it seemed too important to risk.

"No, I can. Brett made some really great biscuits, you should go try one..." He encouraged, he didn't need to think because he already knew what he would say to Shay, certain he could handle the situation without any assistance.

"Okay" She nodded, taking Ember from him before turning to leave, she took three steps then turned back to him. "Don't pressure her" She warned before taking a deep breath and leaving him to sort it out.

"Morning princess" He smiled as he approached the toddler, she had Pouch's head resting on her lap, stoking her soft ears.

"Daddy" Shay nodded, slightly surprised when he joined her on the floor.

"How did you sleep?" He asked, extending his arm around her shoulders so their sides were pressed together.

"In my own bed" She answered flatly.

"Mummy said you wanted to talk to me. What did you want to say?" He questioned, even though he already knew the exact words she used to tell him would explain a lot.

"Sorry Daddy" She whispered, holding back tears and frowning so her bottom lip couldn't give her away.

"You don't need to be sorry. I think you're being very brave" He told her as he moved Pouch, pulling Shay onto his lap so he could give her a hug.

"It hurted..." She explained, not even realising that she hadn't given him any context.

"I know" He nodded.

"I don't like getting hurted... nasty big kids" She reasoned thinking of the boy who had knocked her over, too busy showing off to his friends to see the little skater. She hadn't stood a chance given his size and the only thing she could think of as she slid across the ice at high speed was stopping herself before she hit the wall. Her chin had been grazed on impact but the only way she could slow herself was sacrificing her hands. What made it worse was that she had just promised to be careful after giving her mittens to her father.

"When I was little I broke my wrist after falling over ice skating, the bones not just a graze" He shared, showing her where he meant before pointing to the same place on her little wrist.

"Ouchy"

"Yeah it was ouchy, for a long time, but it got better and as soon as it did I wanted to go skating again. Do you want to know why?" He asked, encouraging her to participate in the conversation.

"Why Dada?" She questioned, reverting to the name she had used as a baby.

"Because I like skating, its really fun to glide across the ice and you can go really fast or spin around lots" He answered, picking her two favorite things so that she could see the similarity.

"But you gotted ouchy" She reminded.

"I got hurt doing my job too. Do you remember when I hurt my leg?" He enquired, quite sure she wouldn't since she hadn't even been a year old at the time.

"No"

"Well there was a fire and I wasn't fast enough and I got hurt. But I still come to work because I love it" He explained, hoping that she would start to see the common theme.

"Mama said you work dangerous" Shay confirmed, she knew her Daddy was brave like a lion to face fires everyday.

"Yeah it's dangerous, like ice skating, and I could get hurt. I still do it though. You love ice skating and it's fun too. It can be dangerous but sometimes its worth taking the risk to have fun doing something you love. Shay if you don't want to skate we'll find something else to do but skating is fun, you don't need to be scared. I'll hold your hand and make sure it doesn't happen again" He vowed seriously. It had been his fault anyway, leaving Chase to supervise when he went to the bathroom. Returning to see Shay crying and bleeding, Chase near tears and shaking with anger, it had been difficult but together they had handled the situation.

"Can Chasey hold my hand too?" She asked as she thought about his proposition.

"Definitely, I'll hold this one and Chase can hold the other" He agreed, practicing holding her little hand in his own.

"Okay... I want to go skating 'morrow please" She decided, smiling as she thought about going fast and spinning.

"Good girl. We can put your gloves on too" Kelly added, along with her helmet he would make sure she didn't skate without them as an added precaution.

"Yes please Daddy" She nodded, planting a slobbery kiss on his cheek before hugging him around the neck.

"I love you baby girl" He whispered into her hair.

"I not baby" She argued, so much like her mother in the way she could never let it go and enjoy the moment.

"You're my baby, my big baby" He clarified, no matter how big or brave or smart she got she would always be his baby.

"Love you Dada" She replied, accepting his justification.

"I think we need biscuits, you want some biscuits?" He asked as he stood up, shifting her to his hip as he did so.

"Yes" She agreed immediately, snuggling against his chest as he started to walk. "C'mon Pouch" She called and the dog was quick to get up and follow, though if any of the firemen had given she same command she would have gone back to sleep. Erin was a little surprised to see Shay smiling, no evidence of tears being shed, as they entered the kitchen. She thanked her husband with a kiss and pretended not to notice when he gave Shay four biscuits, one went straight to Pouch. Chase played with Ember on the couch, ignoring Mouch's frustration when baby giggles meant he couldn't hear every word of the news. They stayed much longer than Erin had planned but Shay was having fun, proudly showing off her scars to everyone before explaining that she was going to be an ice skater when she grew up. Ember was fed and went back to sleep and though the offer was extended Erin left with the girls just before lunch, wanting to avoid awkwardly picking the cheese off her food. Lunch at a cafe near the library was a treat for Shay and they borrowed all the picture books they could find about ice skating. Erin desperately wanted to know what Kelly had said to Shay but left it alone, content to spend time with her happy little girls.

**I love the chapters that leave me smiling madly... My only concern with this chapter was that I might have misrepresented a two year old by giving Shay such complex emotions. I don't have much experience with small children (I work with school aged kids) so please forgive me. **

**~ INSANELY LONG AUTHORS NOTE THAT YOU SHOULD PROABABLY READ ~**

**Talking about work: I am going to be insanely busy over the next few weeks so I won't be able to update daily (or even every other day). I would love to and I've been sacrificing sleep to keep it up for as long as I have. I'm a full time university student and I work part time as a swim instructor as well (winter means a 3 month break from work which is great for my writing but not so great financially). Planning, writing and editing this fic is like having another part time job on top of that, one that I find insanely rewarding and I wouldn't give it up for anything. I will write and post when I can but there are no guarantees. I would rather post good chapters than short, crappy, rushed ones. Worst case scenario is two chapters a week :'( **

**Please don't stop reading (follow the story and you'll get an email notice when I update) in fact now is a great chance to go back and reread from the start! If you read five chapters a day starting with 'A New Beginning' you've got a whole month covered. I feel like the person on an infomercial trying to sell you something you don't want... **

**I am incredibly sorry and I wish it was different but if I put the time and effort in now it should all work out. I love you all, please stick with me, I have some massive ups and downs planned for our Linseride family. I can't wait to share them with you! Sorry again. **

**Roxie :D**


	113. Chapter 113

"Ready Shay?" Kelly questioned as he stood up, he had taken every precaution he could think of in getting her ready to skate. She wore an extra layer of clothing as padding in case she fell, her skates were sharpened and laced tightly, her helmet was on the right way around and her gloves were tied at the wrists so she couldn't pull them off.

"Yes Daddy" Shay nodded, rubbing her hands together in anticipation.

"Chase?" Kelly asked. The younger man was still lacing his skates, then he stood and zipped his jacket before answering.

"Ready" Chase nodded as he straightened his beanie.

"Let's go then" Kelly enthused.

"Have fun" Erin contributed from her seat. She'd join them on the ice despite her limited skating ability but someone had to stay with Ember. The baby was tucked into the front of her mother's jacket, safe and warm, sucking her thumb in her sleep.

"Good luck kisses!" Shay requested walking awkwardly in her skates before climbing onto the empty chair beside her mother. Standing on her knees as her mother kissed each of her cheeks for good luck.

"You can do it" Erin assured as she helped Shay down, handing her off to her father and brother. Hand in hand they made their way down to the edge of the ice, assessing the slick surface and the other skaters. They had left home early so it wasn't very busy, two twirling figure skaters in the middle and half a dozen recreational skaters making their way around the icy oval.

"Ready ready?" Kelly checked. The determined look on Shay's face was answer enough and together they stepped onto the ice, gliding for a few feet before starting to move with purpose. It took a few moments for them to synchronise their movements, both adults accommodating for Shay's little legs. Their first lap was slow and steady but in no time Shay was gaining confidence.

"Go faster!" Shay ordered, temporarily pulling them both along as she encouraged them to pick up speed.

"Fast enough?" Chase asked when they reached the point where Shay was barely able to keep up.

"Faster!" Shay encouraged though she knew she wouldn't be able to keep up. Kelly and Chase exchanged a look, made sure they held her hands firmly then started to increase their speed. Shay offset her feet slightly, bent her knees and kept her blades straight so that she could maintain her balance as they pulled her along. "Faster!" She shrieked, urging them on. In an unspoken competition both men continued to gain speed, equally matched in size, strength and determination. The world blurred around them as they concentrated on maintaining their speed, Shay squealing and giggling as they took the corners dangerously fast. "Stop!" Shay requested suddenly, laughing as she waited for them to react. Kelly and Chase both let out a sigh as they slowed, then stopped propelling themselves, gliding the length of the ice.

"Having fun?" Kelly asked Shay as he panted from the exertion.

"Yes!" Shay answered, pulling their hands together so she could hug them to her chest. "Mama!" She yelled, releasing them so that she could wave excitedly at her mother who clapped her gloved hands and waved back. Erin peeked into her jacket to check Emmy then got up and made her way down to the barrier. "I go fastest Mama" Shay explained as they came to a stop in front of her.

"You were very very fast" Erin nodded, glad that Shay was having fun.

"Awesome!" Shay beamed as she jumped up to high five her mother. Erin was slightly concerned but Shay seemed quite capable of catching herself on the slippery surface.

"Think I need a nap" Chase laughed, leaning heavily on the barrier before pretending to sleep.

"No Chasey, again" Shay instructed as she tugged on his arm. "Mama make Chasey 'gain" She requested when he refused to budge.

"You can go fast without him" Erin suggested, not sure that it wasn't too soon to be encouraging her to skate alone. Shay looked scared for a half a second then nodded and smiled.

"C'mon Daddy" Shay demanded, grabbing his hand before starting to pull, angling her skates outward for traction.

"Okay" Kelly agreed, waving goodbye to the others as he started to follow Shay, taking both her hands to reduce the risk of her falling.

"Em sleeping?" Chase questioned, gently resting his hand on the lump in the front of Erin's jacket.

"Yeah, I think she's growing" Erin answered unzipping a little so that Chase could see Ember's little face, one fat cheek squashed against Erin's chest.

"Awesome" He smiled, stroking Ember's cheek with his gloved finger before she was tucked away again. Erin couldn't help but smile back, now she knew where Shay had learned the word.

"What are your plans for the rest of the weekend?" She asked after looking across to check on Shay's progress.

"Sleep and chillin' with the girls; Nadia and Katie, and, Shay and Emmy. I told Shay I'd take her to the park with the bumpy slide" He supplied, listing his two planned activities in order of importance. "Oh and Nadia told me to tell you that we'd babysit together if you wanted to go out for like a date night or something..."

"Okay, thanks"

"Oh!" Chase said as if he had remembered something important to tell her. Erin raised her eyebrows expectantly but his face fell as he thought about it. "Never mind" He shrugged.

"Tell me" Erin requested with a supportive smile.

"Later"

"Chase" She instructed more firmly, using the same tone she as when disciplining Shay.

"I'll tell you later" He groaned, wishing he hadn't remembered in the first place. Then he pushed himself off the barrier and skated away before she had the chance to ask any more questions. Erin waved as Kelly and Shay passed before making her way to the café, purchasing herself a hot chocolate hopeful it would help her stay warm. Then she made her way back up to her seat and settled in to watch them. With confidence came independence and soon Shay was happy to let go of her father's hand. She still stayed between her father and brother, protected from the increasing number of people on the ice as she sped and spun across the ice. Erin made a second trip down the barrier when she got up to dispose of the paper cup. Watching and clapping as Shay showed her that she could skate backwards just as quickly.

"Three more" Erin mouthed at Kelly when Shay started to pull him away again.

"Five?" Kelly tried to negotiate, overestimating his ability to keep it up. He was glad that he followed her instructions, herding Shay and Chase from the ice after three laps, once his skates were off he could barely walk. Chase complained loudly and frequently about his aching muscles but Shay stayed quiet. Her legs hurt but she had had a lot of fun and hadn't even come close to falling over. Erin and Kelly couldn't help but laugh when they arrived home, all three backseat passengers fast asleep. Kelly shook Chase awake while Erin carefully lifted Shay from her car seat carrying her upstairs to her bed while he brought Ember inside.

"Lunch?" Erin questioned as she lifted Ember from the car seat, patting her back so she continued to sleep.

"What do you want?" Kelly asked, offering to make food even though he felt like he was about to fall asleep. He wanted to crawl into bed and sleep the afternoon away but spending time with his wife was more important.

"Ice cream… but I'll make a salad" She answered, adding a small smile at the end, not wanting him to think she was complaining about giving up lactose. It wouldn't matter if she was restricted to a diet of disgusting high calcium cereal, she would do anything to keep her baby happy and healthy.

"I have something for you to try! After lunch. It's an experiment but I think it'll make you smile" He announced as he made his way through to the question. Lactose free ice cream did exist but he hadn't been able to find any, the closest thing he could think of was frozen yoghurt, which Erin loved. He had put one of the small lactose free vanilla yoghurts in the freezer the other day so it would definitely be frozen, hopefully it would taste vaguely like vanilla ice cream.

"I'm already smiling" She grinned, kissing Ember's forehead. The baby now smiled constantly and it was ridiculously contagious, so much so Erin's cheeks were starting to hurt.

"Awesome" He smiled back as he pulled open the fridge.

"Awesome? Really? Is everybody saying that now?" Erin questioned as she traded the baby for a bag of baby spinach leaves. It had taken some experimentation but she had learned to replace the feta cheese in her favourite salad with chopped walnuts. Combined with cubes of beetroot and baby spinach leaves it was simple, fresh and healthy.

"Chase started it" He shrugged as he watched her throw the ingredients into a bowl.

"Shay's doing it" She informed with raised eyebrows.

"She copies everything he does" He laughed, not at all surprised to hear that Shay was now talking like Chase. She also tried to dress, eat, laugh, walk and run like him. It was rather adorable to watch her running around after him in her khaki shorts, Kelly had even caught her pulling the same confused face and scratching the back of her head in what seemed to be Chase's default expression.

"It's cute, I just hope he doesn't find it too annoying" She agreed. The speed with which Shay could go from a tutu and tiara to the boy's shorts and t-shirts she had thrown massive shopping centre tantrums for was absolutely astonishing. The change always occurred the moment she knew Chase was on his way home.

"He loves it" Kelly assured. It wasn't until he'd caught a glimpse of one of Shay's paintings on the door of Chase's locker at work that he'd fully understood how much Chase loved his little sister.

"I love you" She reminded when she turned to see him kissing Ember's fingers.

"I love you, forever. And with all the green leafy stuff you make me eat I'm probably going to live forever" He suggested amusingly as she handed him a bowl.

"I don't make you eat it, you can eat whatever you want" She reasoned. "Just don't get fat."

"You'd still love me though…?" He questioned cautiously.

"I dunno" She shrugged, making sure to flash him a smile so he knew she was only teasing.

"Really?" He asked more seriously as he took a seat next to her on the couch, resting his lunch on his knee as he changed the way he held Ember so that he could eat.

"If you bring up the fact that you loved me when I was fat I will hurt you" She replied, matching his level of seriousness. "I wasn't fat by choice, if there was any other way to make beautiful babies with you I've done it" She justified.

"Pregnant and fat are very different, I must've told you that a million times. All I was trying to say is that I'll love you forever, even when you're old and wrinkly" He explained, not sure why he felt the need to say it aloud. He was never usually one to affirm his love verbally, he just didn't have much of a choice.

"Okay" She nodded through a mouthful of salad.

"You're supposed to say it back" He told her when she continued to eat without any regard for his declaration.

"I've already said it and signed it, that's what getting married means" She reasoned.

"Just say it" He requested softly. "Please"

"I will love you forever, even when you're old…and bald…and probably a little fat…and as wrinkly as a raisin" She said, though the words were meant to be funny she made sure he knew how seriously she meant them. For a moment she got lost in his eyes, the emotion behind them surprised her a little. He loved her with every fibre of his being, and then there was the desire, so much that it was hard to resist. She wanted to throw her lunch across the room, put Ember somewhere safe, and tear his clothes off.

"Don't look at me like that" He whispered huskily. First Erin laughed because it was clear he knew exactly what she was thinking and then she groaned, resisting him for another two days might just kill her. Thankfully a gurgle from Ember provided the distraction they both needed, trying to cool their thoughts as they turned their attention to the baby. From deeply asleep to fully awake in a moment she flapped her hands and kicked her legs as she cooed at her parents.

"Emmy's awake, and she's happy. Baby girl giggles, give me a big baby girl smile?" Erin asked as she moved closer, resting one hand on Ember's stomach to calm her jerky movements.

"There's the smile, what a beautiful smile it is, just like her Mummy" Kelly agreed as he bounced her gently, lunch completely forgotten.

"Is Daddy being silly? Should we laugh at him? Yes we should" She teased though she was quite enjoying how open and relaxed he was. He smiled softly then continued to bounce her as he finished the last two mouthfuls of salad. Erin remembered hers and did the same, stacking their bowls on the coffee table before snuggling up against him. They took turns making Ember smile and laugh, tickling her cheeks, tummy and toes and pulling faces. "You hungry bub?" Erin questioned when she started to grizzle. The way she turned her head when her cheeks were touched, drooled more than usual and sucked on everything she could get in her mouth were clear indicators.

"I love you" He told Ember, kissing her forehead before handing her over to her mother to be fed. They discussed their plans for the week and seriously discussed the possibility of having a date night. Erin surprisingly reluctant to leave Ember, it would have been unthinkable a week ago but even with the massive improvement in her temperament Erin didn't feel ready. Kelly didn't want to force her but tried to discuss it rationally. In the end Erin agreed to leave the kids with Chase, Nadia and potentially Katie, on Wednesday night. On the conditions that Ember slept well on Tuesday night, wasn't too fussy during the day and was in bed asleep before they left. Ember slowly drank herself to sleep and Erin took her up to her crib so she had two free hands for washing and cooking. Kelly planned to go outside and throw grass seeds on the patch of dirt that had once been their back yard. Erin stopped to check on Shay, still fast asleep, and peeked into Chase's room as well, chuckling softly to herself when she saw that he'd changed into his footed tractor pyjamas. Washing basket in hand she made her way to the laundry, stop to pull a face at her husband who still sat on the couch, and put on a load of washing. Sorting the remaining clothes, towels, bibs and burp clothes into two more before going to check on him again.

"I don't want to have to tell Shay that she can't play outside because Daddy's too lazy to grow grass for her" Erin complained as she entered the lounge room, he had moved but was now laying down, feet up over the arm of the couch.

"I'm tired" He argued, it wasn't fair that Shay and Chase got to sleep when he'd done the same amount of exercise.

"Please?" She requested with big, pleading eyes.

"Motivate me"

"Umm…There'll be cupcakes when you finish" She encouraged enthusiastically.

"But there for yoga" He reminded. Food she prepared for yoga was always ruthlessly defended.

"I'll still let you have one" She assured.

"Just one?" He asked, it was more than he'd normally get but still not enough to get him off the couch.

"Two if you give Sooty her worming tablet"

"That's like a three hour job, worth at least four cupcakes" He grumbled not sure what she was thinking. Sooty was particularly difficult when it came to taking the tablets, refusing to swallow them no matter what they tried.

"One. No such thing as a fat fireman" She revised, she'd ask Chase to handle Sooty.

"There are plenty of…" He tried to argue but she cut him off.

"No. Up. Now"

"Make me" He demanded stubbornly.

"Whatever" She muttered as she decided not to waste any more time, it was clearly hopeless.

"One kiss" He volunteered, sitting up and reaching out for her hand. After rolling her eyes and sighing deeply she obliged, stepping forward to bend and kiss him.

"No" She squeaked when he grabbed her waist, pulling her onto his lap as he came to the conclusion that one kiss wouldn't be nearly enough. She fought against him for a moment before his lips and tongue won her over. They parted for a moment to fill their lungs but then she was the one pulling his mouth back, a hand on either side of his face to take control. His lips found her neck while his hands made their way up the back of her shirt, ensuring they were as close as possible. Erin bit her bottom lip but it did nothing to silence her soft sighs and moans. Mouths somehow crashing together again simultaneously. For the longest time all they could think about was each other, lips soft then hard, kisses gentle then rough as they desperately sought as much of the other as they could get. Then they became acutely aware of the approaching footsteps, too heavy to be Shay. Springing apart like anxious teens they tried not to look flustered as Chase passed the doorway, barely even looking at them on his way to the kitchen.

"Wow" Kelly breathed with a massive grin on his face.

"We should…" She started, the sensible thing to do would be to get up but her body seemed to be moving of its own accord. Lips drawn magnetically back to his.

"Yeah we should" He agreed when they stopped to breathe. Neither of them the wanting to be the first to make a move, unless of course that move involved reducing the space between them. Then Chase returned, finding them sitting in an awkward silence save their panting.

"Sleep well?" Erin questioned, running a hand through her hair in an attempt to regain composure.

"Yeah" Chase nodded as he took a bite of the peanut butter sandwich he had made.

"That's good" She smiled, far too enthusiastically to convince him that nothing strange was going on.

"Yeah" He repeated, narrowing his eyes now that he was awake enough to notice the not-so-subtle clues.

"Yeah" She said as she got up, trying to think about the cupcakes she was about to bake.

"Erin wait" He requested, she stopped mid stride and turned to look at him expectantly. "Can we talk?"

"Sure" She nodded. Sensing it was serious she returned to the couch, sitting a comfortable distance from her husband, both focused on Chase.

"Mum. Dad" Chase started with a small smile, rubbing his palms together nervously. A small nod from Erin was all he needed to continue. "Can I invite my girlfriend to dinner tomorrow night?"

"Girlfriend?" Kelly questioned immediately, Chase had only shown interest in two young ladies and one of them was Kelly's sister.

"Nadia" Chase answered, colour rising in his cheeks.

"Tomorrow night with Hank and Russ?" Erin questioned making sure he knew it wouldn't just be a case of meet the parents. Not that that really mattered considering they all knew each other already.

"Yeah" Chase nodded after taking a deep breath.

"Sure, if Nadia wants to. She's been before" Erin answered after checking that her husband agreed.

"Thanks" He sighed.

"So how long...?" Erin enquired gently, dying of curiosity but not wanting to pry.

"Wednesday" Chase beamed, he was still in shock. When he'd asked to take her to a movie she'd agreed on the condition that it was an official date. Feeling the pressure he'd chosen a terrible movie but made up for it with dinner and a long walk, during which they decided to make it official. He'd been too excited to sleep when returned home and joining Kelly and Shay for a midnight dairy binge seemed like a fitting way to celebrate the success of the evening.

"And you're already making her meet your parents?" She teased.

"Well I wouldn't normally…" Chase rushed to explain before realising she wasn't serious.

"It's totally fine" Erin smiled, looking to Kelly to supply a nod of agreement.

"Cool, thanks… And I don't mind but maybe try to keep the making out to a minimum when we have guests" Chase advised with a smug smile. Erin laughed guiltily before shoving her husband, she knew he'd be grinning like an idiot. With a triumphant smile Chase got up and left the room, planning to finish his sandwich in his room.

"He's all grown up" Erin exclaimed proudly, forgetting the last sentence of the conversation.

"Will you teach me how to shoot?" Kelly asked out of the blue.

"What?!"

"Shoot. Guns" He clarified.

"Um…yeah. Why?" She questioned, more than a little confused.

"Shay's going to want to date someday" He answered flatly, looking surprisingly agitated.

"Honey you won't need a gun, she has me, Hank, the intelligence unit…" Erin listed as she got up and left the room. The thought made her equally antsy but she managed to stay calm, anything of the sort was at least sixteen years away she told herself.

**Shay's already tomboy. Chase is dating Nadia. All in all a good chapter :D Thoughts?**


	114. Chapter 114

Nadia stood at the front door of the Severide home and took a deep breath, she had absolutely no idea what to expect. Hoping it would be exactly the same as the other Sunday dinners she had attended she knocked twice. From the outset she was making it different though, arriving an hour early with a box of chocolates as a peace offering, just in case. She didn't want to seem impatient but after a moment she knocked again, this time there was movement from behind the blinds and the door handle rattled.

"Princess Nada!" Shay shrieked excitedly, opening the door for the guest as she jumped up and down excitedly.

"Princess Shay" Nadia returned smiling broadly at the little princess, dressed in a bright pink dress with Blaze socks up to her knees and a Blackhawks cap backwards on her head. Looking around for an adult Nadia didn't notice the red stain all over Shay's little hands until the toddler started clapping. "What's that Shay?"

"Paint…finger paint" Shay declared as she held out her hands proudly.

"Oh gosh, is that nail polish?" Nadia questioned as she got a closer look, thick red nail polish coating her hands.

"Um…" Shay answered, suspecting she was about to get in trouble. It had seemed like a grand idea to have pretty red fingernails and borrowing her mummy's nail polish had gone unnoticed, Ember the perfect distraction. Unscrewing the lid was easy in comparison to applying the liquid, which seemed to want to go everywhere but on her nails.

"Where's your Mummy?" Nadia asked as she moved to check the lounge room, evidence of Shay's nail painting misadventure all over the coffee table.

"Shower" Shay supplied.

"What about Daddy?" Nadia enquired as she stood up the almost empty bottle of red nail polish.

"Him putting Emmy dressed" Shay explained, pointing up the stairs. Nadia had to catch her hand before she grabbed the railing of the stairs, no doubt she would leave a red mark on the wooden surface.

"Chase?"

"Kitchen"

"Alright, come with me" Nadia instructed, taking Shay's wrist to lead her through to the kitchen where they would be able to source help and equipment to clean up the mess.

"I not finish" Shay complained, holding up the little finger on her right hand, the only one without a trace of red.

"Don't worry about that"

"But I want princess nails!" Shay whined, refusing to take another step.

"I'll help you get princess nails but we have to clean up first" Nadia reasoned, not sure how she was going to explain to the toddler that the best option was to wash it off and start again. Every passing second was precious as the spilled nail polish on the coffee table dried.

"NO!" Shay screamed when Nadia tried to lift her up, desperate to get to the kitchen for help.

"Okay, okay. Sorry" Nadia apologised quickly, almost thankful for the dreadful noise when Chase came running. "Nail polish everywhere" She informed.

"Oh, what were you trying to do little lady? Re-enact 300?" Chase questioned as he saw her hands and the coffee table.

"Princess nails" Shay complained.

"Okay. I'll clean this up if you wash her hands" Chase suggested though he wasn't sure which task would end up being more difficult.

"Yeah sure, okay" Nadia nodded as she looked down at Shay, the toddler frowning in frustration and confusion. Everything had been going perfectly well until the adults started to interfere. Chase rushed off to the kitchen to get something to clean the mess while Nadia bent down to talk to Shay, she didn't want her screaming again when she tried to pick her up. "Shay, I want to help you with your princess nails but you have to do what I ask. We need to wash this off first, princess nails not princess hands" Nadia explained gently.

"Promise?" Shay requested seriously.

"I promise" Nadia agreed as she picked Shay up. Once upstairs they made their way to the bathroom, Shay sat on the bench while Nadia washed her hands. Thankfully the nail polish was so thick it remained wet underneath and after peeling the top layer it rinsed away. With a lot of soap foam to make Shay smile and plenty of warm water her little hands were back to being soft and pink.

"Now princess nails!" Shay demanded as she was helped down, drying her hands thoroughly at the same time.

"Yep" Nadia confirmed as they left the bathroom, hopeful that Chase had been as successful downstairs. He was still scrubbing away at the red stain but Shay was far too impatient to let Nadia help, stomping her little foot until she started to comply. "Stay still" Nadia instructed as she tried to get some of the remaining nail polish onto the brush. The tiny fingernails only took one brush stroke to paint and in no time she was finishing Shay's right hand and instructing her to blow on it. Chase was triumphant upon removing the last of the nail polish and they breathed a collective sigh of relief immediately before things got worse.

Erin turned off the shower as soon as she realised the dreadful alarm was coming from downstairs, wrapping a towel around herself as she rushed to find out what was happening. Almost tripping over the contents of the bathroom cupboard, strewn across the floor in a way that only Shay could be responsible for. Kelly sat on the bed, looking bewildered with Ember screaming in his arms, they'd been napping and he was still waking up. Erin didn't see the point in trying to talk over the sound of the smoke alarm so she gave him a wave that signalled she would handle it on her way out of the bedroom. Nadia continued to paint Shay's nails, remaining calm and distracting the toddler, Erin was surprised but much more concerned about the smoke wafting through the house.

"Sorry" Chase yelled the moment she entered the kitchen, a flaming frying pan sat on the stove while he stood on a chair trying to make the smoke alarm stop. Trusting that he had things under control, even if his priority was stopping the noise not the flames, she stayed out of the way. Once he got the alarm open he removed the battery, the awful noise was replaced by an eerie silence. Chase didn't stop though, jumping down from the chair before smothering the fire with a damp tea towel.

"Everything okay?" Erin asked after a moment.

"Yeah… Incinerated onion is totally trendy right now" He joked, hoping she wasn't too annoyed at him.

"Just as well you're a fireman then" She nodded with a disapproving look well masked beneath a playful smile.

"Exactly" Chase agreed. The crisis seemed to have been averted and her hair was dripping everywhere so she left him to clean up, stopping to open windows on her way back upstairs.

"What happened?" Kelly asked sleepily as she searched for clothes to put on.

"Chase set some onion on fire… I didn't ask how but he sorted it out. Is she okay?" Erin asked, looking at Ember, bottom lip still wobbling as she clung to her father's shirt. 

"Yeah, it just scared her. Me too" He answered, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head.

"You're a fireman" She reminded.

"I'm only still alive because I have a healthy fear of fire. That sound, in my house… of course it's scary" He explained, she wasn't sure why she was so surprised by the admission. Feeling the sudden need to hug him she finished buttoning her shirt and took a seat next to him on the bed. Placing one hand on Ember's back and the other on his before kissing them both. Ember was fascinated by her own hand and simply watching her wriggle her fingers made them smile.

"I think we should go see if Nadia'll paint our nails too" She suggested in a whisper as Ember closed her eyes following a perfect little yawn with one eye open. Kelly laughed softly and gave a nod, after settling Ember in her crib they went downstairs to find out.

"Mama! Look!" Shay ordered the moment they appeared in the doorway, launching herself from Nadia's lap before racing across the room to show them her right red nails.

"Wow. Very pretty" Erin commented, not entirely sure if she should approve. It seemed like harmless fun but Shay was only two, surely that was too young for nail polish.

"Pretty princess nails" Shay explained proudly, rushing back to show them that Nadia's matched.

"Did Nadia arrive early to help you get ready?" Erin questioned, it was still half an hour before Hank and Russ were due to arrive for dinner.

"Yeah" Shay confirmed quickly.

"Shay let me in and showed me her nails, they were a little messy so we had to do them again" Nadia explained, her hand gestures suggesting the mess had in fact been huge.

"Chasey setted the house on fire Daddy" Shay interrupted, though Nadia had simply explained what a smoke alarm was.

"Did he?" Kelly asked, trying to take the accusation seriously.

"Yes, he naughty boy" Shay complained. The first of many times she'd use the phrase that evening, along with the accompanying glare she had mastered. Her excitement at having Nadia over for dinner was short lived, not at all fond of the way the visitor seemed to draw Chase's attention. After complaining for the first half hour of the meal that she didn't get to sit next to Chase, even though she didn't normally, they were all glad when Shay fell silent.

"Emmy seems so much happier" Hank commented, keeping the conversation neutral so Shay would have a chance to eat.

"And bigger" Russ agreed. He had somehow ended up with the baby, probably because he had finished eating first. Unlike the last time he had tried to hold her she didn't scream, cry or even pull a face.

"She's doing well. I spent the morning sorting her clothes, three to six months exclusively with her chubby legs" Erin explained proudly.

"When you sit her up she has four fat rolls" Chase added excitedly.

"Babies are so much cuter when they're fat" Nadia commented with a smile. A thud under the table and the scraping of chair legs drew everyone's attention. Shay had slid from her seat and disappeared, completely horrified to discover Chase holding Nadia's hand under the table.

"Chasey" Shay growled, as she pulled their hands apart, climbing up onto his lap.

"Hello" Chase greeted as she turned around and sat down.

"Shay come eat your dinner please" Erin requested, wishing they could reintroduce the highchair so she couldn't escape.

"No" Shay declared firmly.

"Shay" Erin warned carefully, the last thing she wanted was a massive tantrum.

"Chasey naughty boy" Shay explained, turning their attention away from her.

"What did he do?" Erin asked. Hopefully it was something small and easily solved, an apology from Chase was usually sufficient.

"Don't know" Shay shrugged as she helped herself to his dinner, happy to eat now that she was with Chase.

"You don't know? How can he be naughty if he hasn't done anything wrong?" Hank asked, looking to Erin for permission before getting involved. He had plenty of experience when it came to questioning people.

"He my brother" Shay elaborated.

"That doesn't make him naughty" Erin tried to explain though she suspected there was more to it, was it possible for her to be jealous already. Nothing appeared to have changed between Chase and Nadia; Shay had been thrilled to have an extra guest. It didn't make sense.

"Yes!" Shay whined, frustrated that they didn't seem to understand the problem.

"Shay, I need you to come eat your food before you're the naughty one" Erin requested.

"I not naughty" She argued, slamming her fist on the table.

"Show me, back over here and eat your own food" Erin insisted, pointing to Shay's untouched dinner.

"Chasey hands where I can see 'em" Shay demanded before making her way back under the table, thankfully missing the looks exchanged between the adults.

"Told you she'd be police" Hank beamed.

"No way, she's definitely going to be a firefighter" Kelly disagreed cautiously, he usually kept quiet when his opinions differed from his father-in-law's.

"I'm pretty sure she's going to be a professional ice hockey player" Chase contributed with great certainty.

"She's going to be whatever she wants" Erin corrected as Shay climbed back onto her own chair.

"I want ice cream… with sprinkles" Shay smiled having only heard the last three words of her mother's statement. It was quite simple, she wanted to sit with her brother and eat ice cream, possibly while watching Frozen.

"You can have cake if you eat all your food" Erin encouraged, they didn't have ice cream but Chase had baked a cake for dessert.

"I not hungry" Shay frowned.

"You won't need cake then."

"No! I hungry for cake now Mama" Shay complained loudly, convinced she mustn't be speaking loud enough since they didn't seem to understand any of what she was saying.

"Eat your dinner or there's no cake" Erin said finally, no longer willing to argue with the toddler. She was glad to hear that the others had continued their conversation, still debating Shay's future occupation. Shay did manage to eat most of her food but the moment she noticed Chase's right hand no longer rested on the table she exploded with rage. Nadia had to duck as Shay's fork, plate and cup came flying her way, the two year olds aim was terrible and she couldn't reach anything else to throw. Erin and Kelly looked at each other, horrified and completely clueless about how best to handle the situation. Before they could do anything Shay vanished under the table, kicked Chase in the shins and ran for it. She knew for sure that she had been naughty this time. "I'm… so sorry" Erin managed to Nadia as she got up, moving around the table to take the wailing baby from Russ.

"I'll go talk to her" Chase decided as the awkward silence extended, squeezing Nadia's shoulder on his way past, after all it was his fault. He knew Shay would be in her bedroom, everyone had heard the door slam. After knocking before entering he walked slowly towards her bed, sitting down on the end as he waited for her to emerge from her blanket cocoon.

"Go 'way" She said, the request muffled by the blankets as well as Roary's paw.

"Shay I'm very sorry" He apologised softly, at least now he knew which way up she was.

"Why?" Shay questioned, peeking out from the blankets. She had done the wrong thing and he was supposed to tell her she was naughty and say she wasn't allowed cake or ice cream ever again.

"I didn't listen to you… or consider your feelings when I invited Nadia to dinner" He explained calmly, reaching across to pull the blanket off her face so he could talk to her properly.

"You my brother… not Nada's" She grumbled, unable to make eye contact.

"Absolutely, you and Emmy are my only sisters" He assured, starting to understand her opposition slightly better. The last change she had faced was the introduction of Ember to their family.

"What 'bout Nada?" Shay asked curiously, if she was't his sister why was she at their family dinner?

"Nadia's my girlfriend" He answered.

"I a girl!" She argued instantly, as a girl and his friend she definitely didn't understand.

"Yes but she's a special friend, you're special because you're my sister but Nadia is special in a different way…" He began, unsure about how best to explain their relationship to a two year old.

"How?"

"Umm…you know Mummy and Daddy are special friends" He replied, smiling internally at the brilliant idea, she had to understand now.

"Oh…with special kisses?" She enquired, tipping her head to the side as she tried to understand.

"Yeah just like that. But Nadia and I just hold hands for now" He agreed with a nod.

"You still hold my hand at skating?" Shay asked hopefully after taking a moment to process the explanation.

"I will still hold your hand when we go skating, and when we go to the park, and when you walk on the edge of gardens..." Chase listed.

"So I don't fall?" She checked, struggling to see how holding hands was special.

"I won't let you fall. I promise. I'll always be here when you need me and I'll always love you. I want to love Nadia too, that doesn't mean I'll love you any less" He assured, lifting her onto his lap for a hug. Shay smiled and hugged him back as best she could with Roary and all her blankets between them.

"When will you have babies?" She questioned when he loosened his hold after a few minutes.

"Oh…not for a very long time" He replied quickly, not at all the type of question he had expected from her. "You remember when I moved in?" He asked when she looked confused.

"When Mummy 'dopted you?" She corrected.

"Yeah, when Mummy adopted me. You didn't know me at first but then we became friends and after a while I got to be your brother right?"

"Mhm" She nodded, following him so far.

"Well Nadia and I are friends but I'm just starting to be special friends with her" He likened.

"Okay" She accepted quickly.

"Are you sure? Because you're really important to me and I don't want to make you sad" He checked though it was foolish because there wasn't much he could do if she said she wasn't.

"I like princess aunty Nada" Shay answered suddenly regretting throwing her dinner at the person who had cleaned up her mess, not told Mummy and painted her nails.

"She'll still be your friend" He agreed.

"You can hold both our hands!" She declared with a grin, she knew there was a reason he had two.

"Yeah"

"Chasey…" Shay started as she snuggled to his chest again.

"Mmm?" He encouraged.

"You the bestest brother" She announced proudly.

"You're the best sister, Emmy and I are very lucky" He smiled, kissing the top of her head.

"I gotta sorry Nada" She explained, it was very important or she wouldn't have stopped the cuddle.

"Let's go say sorry to Nadia" Chase agreed, untangling her from the blankets before carrying her down to the dining room. Everyone fell silent as they arrived and Shay wanted to cry, they all knew she had been silly. Chase set her down next to Nadia and held her hand, giving her a reassuring smile.

"Nadia" Shay started, saying the name properly for the first time. "I real sorry. For throwing and…and stuff. You can be Chasey special friend but he still love me more" She explained before rushing to hug her.

"Thank you Shay" Nadia nodded as she lifted her up, not sure what to say or do when she felt tears on her shoulder.

"Better?" Chase asked, noticing Nadia's discomfort and taking Shay from her.

"I hungry" Shay whispered to him, loud enough for the entire room to hear.

"For cake?"

"No…" She shook her head.

"More dinner?" He questioned, a refusal of cake was very uncharacteristic.

"Yes please" Shay nodded.

"I'll go" Kelly volunteered, clearing away their empty plates as he left. Chase sat back down and tried to join their conversation, discussing the differences between the new patrol cars and the ones the older pair had started out in. Erin and Chase exchanged a series of looks and she was glad to see that everything was alright. Evidenced when Shay grabbed his arm, moving it across until his hand rested atop Nadia's. They remained at the table until Shay finished her dinner and a slice of cake, though Nadia had to ask her nicely before she'd even touch it, then moved through to the lounge room. Shay was happy to share her toys with Nadia, Chase and Ember. Erin didn't even both to listen to the conversation, enjoying watching the four youngest play together. Shay sat on Nadia's lap while Chase held Ember, they built a tower as tall as Shay, did a puzzle and showed Ember her textured book. Two young adults who had overcome adversity, she refused to take credit for their success but did acknowledge that she was as much a part of their lives as they were of hers, alongside the two little people she had made. It was easy to be happy when everyone else was happy.

**I'm hating that I can't update daily but I'm getting good grades which makes it worth it (13/15 on one assignment and 92% on a quiz). I have another assignment due tomorrow and two weeks of prac placement then I'm all yours again! It should really settle over the next week as I get into more of a routine. In other awesome news I was awarded the scholarship I applied for so I don't have to pay for textbooks for the next two semesters! Sorry, enough about uni :P**

**Thank you so much for your patience. I know the last few chapters have been focused on Shay/Chase but before that it was all about Emmy! The next chapter should be getting back into normal life. Reviews really motivate me... Love you all :D **


	115. Chapter 115

**Submitted my assignment then celebrated by writing this for you... sort of :/ **

"Girl day?" Shay questioned, jumping on the bed while her mother changed her little sister's diaper. They were almost ready to leave for yoga having had a perfect morning in Shay's opinion: They snuggled and dozed in bed for an hour, phoned Chase and Daddy at work to say hello, ate Daddy's cereal, had a shower together while Ember slept and now she was allowed to jump on the bed.

"Yes, we're having a girls day" Erin confirmed, looking forward to a quiet day with the girls. "You wanna hold her for me?"

"Please!" Shay answered, stopping jumping immediately and sitting down to show that she was ready.

"Here you go" She murmured as she carefully positioned Ember on Shay's lap, making sure that her head was supported.

"Chubby bubby" Shay commented, tickling Ember's belly with her free hand.

"You got her? I'll be one minute" She asked as she stepped into the bathroom, washing her hands before looking at herself in the mirror. After applying mascara, fixing her hair and double checking her clothes she headed back into the bedroom. Taking the baby, laughing uncontrollably, from the beaming toddler on the way downstairs. Packed into the car they were off to yoga, parking was always an issue so Erin tried to arrive early to secure a space. It gave Shay and Caitlin a chance to play before the class started, running and dancing wildly in the massive empty space. Ember slept in her car seat the whole time giving Erin and Shay plenty of time to play together, under the guise of yoga, with lots of sneaky tickling when Gina the instructor wasn't watching.

"So what's the secret?" Sharon enquired as they stood around eating cupcakes after yoga, watching the girls play with a few of the other children.

"To?" Erin asked, confused at what seemed to be half a question.

"Looking that hot six weeks after having a ten pound baby!" Sharon exclaimed, gesturing up and down at her friends entire body.

"Um...running after a two year old?" She answered after a moment, there wasn't a secret and there certainly hadn't been a conscious effort.

"It's gotta be more than that? I call it baby weight but Caitlin's two and I don't think it's going anywhere" Sharon laughed. They were of accord when it came to not caring how they looked most of the time, feeling good was far more important.

"Breastfeeding helps, but I'm eating so much at the moment..." She shrugged.

"You're lucky" Sharon sighed, adding a smile afterward to show that she wasn't being serious.

"Yeah...I really am" Erin agreed as she turned to check on Ember, Shay had sneaked around with Caitlin and they were both crouched down watching Ember and whispering as quietly as two year old's could.

"I'm so glad Emmy's doing better" Sharon smiled.

"I don't think I could handle a screaming baby and a toddler who throws plates at dinner guests" She agreed, interested in Sharon's advice on managing Shay's wild behaviour.

"What happened?" Sharon asked, surprised to hear that the polite and relaxed toddler had done something so drastic.

"She got jealous of Chase's girlfriend" She summarised.

"Oh"

"I don't think she meant to hurt Nadia" Erin defended, feeling especially embarrassed.

"Nadia...the one you met through work?" Sharon asked, not sure how to phrase it politely.

"Yeah" She nodded.

"Rehab and now matchmaking?" Sharon teased as she encouraged Erin to try one of the biscuits she had made.

"I had nothing to do with it...It's not like that..." She tried to explain.

"But it must be nice, they wouldn't be where they are without you, and they wouldn't be together" Sharon reasoned seriously, trying to ignore the frown on Erin's face. "Okay, I'm sorry little miss modest" She shrugged after a moment, she knew how much Erin hated a fuss being made over what was in her opinion just part of her job.

"It is nice that they're happy" Erin conceded.

"Back to Shay. I'm all for the time out approach, I send Caity to her room or make her sit on the bottom step to calm down then we talk it through" Sharon contributed as she reflected on the original topic.

"That's what Chase did. I had no idea what to do... She knew it was wrong though and she apologised" Erin finished trying not to feel like a complete failure as a parent.

"Don't worry about it, Caity bit Bryce's mum the other day. They're little and they're learning."

"I guess" She nodded.

"We're learning too" Sharon reminded comfortingly.

"Definitely" Erin agreed, pausing to think for few minutes. They continued to chat until the girls joined them, hungry and tired, indicating that it was almost time to go home. After seeing Caitlin's new shoes Erin had to make a stop at Target first, eager to get a matching pair for Shay. The little black leather boots with silver studs were almost identical to a pair she owned, if she liked them for herself she absolutely loved them on Shay.

"Mama!" Shay hissed, her voice little more than a whisper. It instantly caught Erin's attention, the toddler rarely did anything quietly, especially at the shops. Shay raised her arm, pointing to the end of the shoe aisle where a display of Frozen merchandise was visible.

"Let's buy your awesome new shoes and then we can go home and watch Frozen" Erin enthused, more excited about the footwear than Shay and desperate to avoid buying more than they needed. Not working meant that she was more careful about spending money on Shay, it was incredibly easy though.

"But Mama..." Shay started, mind racing to find a reason to buy something Frozen related.

"You don't need any more clothes" She cut her off, even the two year old could understand given the daily struggle to get her drawers to shut.

"What 'bout Emmy? She not got clothes" Shay questioned with a small smile.

"She has plenty of clothes too" Erin shook her head, sliding the car seat up her arm so she could hold the shoes in that hand, using the other to take Shay's.

"But not Elsa clothes" Shay reasoned, a vital part of any decent wardrobe.

"No, she doesn't need Elsa clothes" She said, trying to sound final, unfortunately the best way to the check out was past the display.

"Please?" Shay asked, her manners had to work.

"Not today"

"But please Mama...Please" Shay attempted again.

"Thank you for using your manners but it's still a no Shay, Emmy doesn't need clothes" Erin explained firmly, glad that they were almost past the display, she couldn't resist for much longer.

"She need blankie?" Shay questioned excitedly, grabbing the edge of the fleece blanket, Elsa and Anna with Olaf and Sven printed in the middle.

"A Frozen blanket?" Erin nodded, asking herself if it was a sensible purchase, blankets were practical.

"Pleaseeeee" Shay begged. Now they were stopped in the middle of the walkway, Shay had created a blanket barricade so there was little room for other shoppers.

"Maybe, let's look" She agreed, the start of a slippery slope.

"I got Blaze but Emmy need Frozen blankie 'cause sisters" Shay reasoned, pulling her mother like a little tug boat to the stack of blankets.

"Mmm" Erin considered, still unconvinced.

"Please Mama... I just wanna be the bestest sister" Shay pleaded.

"You're already the best big sister Shay, you don't need to get things for her" She informed gently, if buying the blanket taught Shay that love could be bought and traded for objects walking away would be easy.

"Yes" Shay nodded, sensing the sudden seriousness.

"You don't want one?" She asked, it was sweet that Shay wanted something for someone else and she didn't want to read too much into it.

"No it for Emmy" Shay smiled.

"You're sure? I'll get one for you as well."

"No Mama for Emmy" Shay argued, taking the second blanket from her mother and shoving it back up onto the shelf.

"Alright" Erin smiled, at least she knew Shay couldn't be bought. Not with blankets anyway, the stop at the bakery suggested otherwise, her stomach always her biggest weakness. Shay seemed convinced that the world would end if she didn't get the pizza role with three olives instead of four. "The second one back please" Erin instructed the young man serving them, both trying to work out which one the toddler was pointing to. She wasn't sure why she was bothering, she had already caved once and the number of olives seemed completely irrelevant.

"Thank Mama" Shay nodded when he put the one she wanted into the paper bag. Shay carried it carefully through the shopping center and held it possessively in the car all the way home. They put Frozen on then cuddled on the couch, under the new blanket, to eat their lunch. "Three olives for Mama, Emmy and Me!" Shay explained triumphantly pulling them off her roll before distributing them.

"Very good counting" Erin replied, waiting until Shay wasn't looking before taking the olive from Ember's hand. It quickly found something else to hold, playing with her mother's necklace as she continued to feed hungrily. Past the stage of absolute loathing Erin was starting to like the movie again, the early days when Shay had wanted to watch it constantly had settled to a more reasonable once or twice a week. The moment the girls were both asleep Erin lost all interest in the movie, their soft, even breathing completely synchronized. Looking at their sleeping faces the similarities and differences were obvious, most attributed to age. Ember's eyelashes were already darker and longer than her sisters and Shay's cheeks were a rosy pink, they were both perfect. There was plenty to be done but time seemed to slow as she watched them, it wasn't long before sleep claimed her too.

The alarm on her phone woke all three of them some time later, reminding them that it was time to leave for the doctors appointment. They were in the car five minutes later, but it still looked like they were going to be late. Even with the music Ember always managed to fall asleep in the car and it made waiting in the waiting room so much easier. There was no need for the rush given the doctor was well behind schedule. Entertaining Shay was simple, challenging her to find things of certain colours in the magazine. A message from Kelly, checking that they were at the doctors, made her smile. He wouldn't let her miss this particular appointment for anything. After asking Shay to find something 'salmon' she formulated a response: '_Yes we're at the doc. You + Me + Shower tonight xxx_'

"Severide" The doctor called the moment Erin hit send. After stuffing her phone into her pocket and getting the magazine off Shay she followed the doctor. She wasn't sure if her six week postpartum check up with Shay had been conducted with by a lazy doctor or if this one was just especially curious. They seemed to discuss everything in detail, frustrating Erin who desperately wanted to get home, it didn't make much sense given Kelly wouldn't be home until eight. It was just a strange feeling. Putting it aside she was thrilled when the doctor moved on to vaccinating Ember, the last thing before they could leave. Holding Shay back was more of a struggle than Erin had anticipated, the first needle had Ember whimpering and Shay couldn't believe the doctor was going to do it again. While it was tense it only took a few minutes and soon enough they were in the car on the way home.

"Mama!" Shay demanded after a few minutes of silence, she hadn't yet requested music and her mother was enjoying the peace.

"What?" Erin questioned in response, focusing on driving.

"Mama!" Shay repeated more urgently.

"Music?" She suggested, reaching for the dial only to let her hand relax when she heard Shay's answer.

"No"

"What then?" She asked when Shay didn't elaborate.

"Mama stop" Shay instructed firmly, making eye contact with her mother through the rear view mirror to communicate her seriousness.

"What for?" Erin prompted.

"Mama STOP" Shay yelled, increasingly unsettled.

"We're almost home, do you need to go to the toilet?" She asked. Shay always got anxious if she needed the bathroom when they were in the car which made sense of her behaviour. Erin was quite sure she could hold on for three blocks.

"NO MAMA!" Shay shouted, fighting against the car seat restraints.

"Shay, what's wrong?" Erin questioned, starting to think she should have insisted Shay use the bathroom at the doctors.

"MAMA STOP!" Shay instructed, sliding as far down in her seat as she could to kick the back of the drivers seat.

"Why?" Erin asked, she needed more information and there was nowhere to pull over even if she wanted to.

"EMMY... MAMA STOP!" Shay tried to explain, now crying as she did everything she could think of to stop the car, pulling on the lock and door handle, both child locked.

"What's wrong with Emmy? Did she spit up?" She suggested, though she knew Shay wouldn't be causing such a fuss if it wasn't something serious.

"She sick Mama" Shay nodded, crying suspended for a moment.

"Okay, not long" Erin agreed looking for somewhere safe to stop, suddenly every car in the world seemed to be parked along the side of the road.

"MAMA STOP NOW!" Shay screamed desperately. Erin's heart sank, there was something majorly wrong. Miraculously the car behind them turned off and there was no longer any traffic behind them, flicking the hazard lights she got out of the car. The need to vomit rose suddenly but she continued around the car, concentrating on getting to her baby as fast as she could. Through the window she could see that Ember hadn't been sick, she was fine, sleeping. Heart pounding, stomach churning she decided to be more thorough, opening the door to get a better look. Shay was watching on in silent horror as her mother's hand came to rest on Ember's chest. Erin just realising that the window tinting hadn't made her baby's lips blue. Ember wasn't breathing.


	116. Chapter 116

**Stay calm, remember to breathe. **

"No. No. No no no no no no no... No!" Erin's mouth and hands were moving of their own accord, undoing the restraints and lifting the limp infant from the car seat. Slamming one car door shut before yanking open another, laying Ember flat on the passenger seat. On autopilot she instantly got to work, checking for sure that Ember wasn't breathing, heart and lungs still in her tiny chest, before giving two rescue breaths. Then she searched for a pulse, tearing at the fabric of her tiny white and purple shirt. Desperate. No change. Starting chest compressions was next, a few fingers all that was required for such a small baby. Erin couldn't think and she couldn't feel, mind refusing to process anything for the time being. Counting. Thirty compressions, two breaths. Over and over. Depressing Ember's chest and breathing for her. Erin didn't know if she was bringing her back or simply working to delay the alternative. It was too horrible to even consider. Healthy, perfect, beautiful babies didn't just die. They had everything left to live for. No first words, or first steps. It couldn't end like this. Erin refused to let it. She'd give her own life in an instant, if only that was possible. Nothing mattered more than seeing those big blue eyes open again, sparkling as she gave a gummy smile. Adrenaline and desperation powered a fresh wave of motivation. Pressing just a little harder and making sure her lungs filled completely with each breath. It was a seemingly endless cycle.

Then it happened, not like in the movies, she didn't open her eyes or cry. Erin just felt a single beat of the tiny heart against her fingertips. Followed by another then another. A gasping breath. Ember was alive. Erin felt like she could scream or cry or collapse to the ground at any second but she didn't. Lifting the baby to her chest, clutching her tightly while carrying her around the car. Then it became a matter of dividing her attention between driving and monitoring each breath, the pause between them forcing her well over the speed limit. They needed to get to a hospital. "Mama?" Shay questioned uncertainly from the back seat.

"Shay!" Erin answered after a moment, the red light ahead making her angry. "Shay come here" She instructed. It took a moment for the toddler to comply, pressing as hard as she could to get free of the car seat. Then there was the matter of climbing over the central console and sliding into the passenger seat. "Phone"

"Got it" Shay replied a minute later, now sitting in the foot well with the phone in her hands.

"Okay, go to the numbers" Erin told her, if she wasn't driving like a maniac she would have done it herself.

"Numbers!" Shay announced.

"The one on at the bottom on your side, the circle with a tail, nine, and then top on my side, the straight line, one. Press it two times. Then the little green phone in the middle at the bottom and give me the phone" Erin talked her through dialing, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder as she waited for the operator.

"911, what is your emergency?" The operator questioned calmly.

"I'm a detective with the CPD" It was a lie but it worked in their favour, immediately the lady knew she meant business. "I've just...shit...sorry one second..." Erin started, before realising it had been too long since Ember's last breath. She was gone again. Just like that. "Shay" Erin requested desperately as she dropped the phone, the toddler scrambling to pick it up. It would have been impossible to recreate but somehow Erin managed to start CPR while continuing to drive. One hand working to keep them on the road while the other fought to get Ember back.

"Hello?" Shay asked the phone, her mother didn't seem to want it back and she really wanted to talk to Daddy. She was scared and he would know what to do.

"Hi. Hello sweetie, what's happening?" It wasn't Daddy but the lady sounded nice.

"Umm...We in car" Shay answered hesitantly.

"We're on our way to the hospital, Chicago Med. Resuscitating an infant. I need a medical team on stand by" Erin contributed as loudly as she could, hoping the operator would be able to hear her.

"Is that your Mummy?" The operator asked, fingers tapping away on a keyboard in the background.

"Yes" Shay nodded.

"And a baby?" The operator prompted, trying to get a better idea of what was happening.

"Emmy's sick" Shay explained, worried by the way her little sister was being flopped around. Mummy wasn't being very gentle but Ember wasn't crying.

"She's not breathing?" The operator suggested, desperate for more information to feed the medical team as they assembled.

"Mama's kissing her..."

"Okay...Ask your Mummy her ETA" The operator instructed, the baby wasn't breathing and somehow the angry detective was driving and resuscitating her.

"Eeetay Mama?" Shay relayed quickly.

"Two minutes, if this idiot GETS OUT OF MY WAY!" Erin answered, losing her patience with the driver in front of her before performing an illegal overtaking maneuver.

"Tell her there is a team waiting at the emergency entrance on the north side" The operator informed, feeling the desperation in Erin's shouting.

"Team waiting...'mergency etrance...norff side..." Shay supplied urgently, climbing up onto the passenger seat so she could look around.

"North side?" Erin confirmed, it was the closest. It was logical to have two, one, on the east side was the main while the second was largely unused, except in situations like these.

"Yeah" Shay nodded as they took a sharp turn at speed, forcing her against the door. Erin gave two last breaths, not even counting the compressions as she slammed on the brakes. Stopping just short of the waiting medical team. Three doctors, a nurse and an orderly standing ready. Erin didn't hesitate to surrender Ember, watching as half a dozen hands poked and prodded her then continued CPR. They talked to each other in rapid foreign words Erin couldn't understand, rushing to get to the equipment they needed. Stumbling after them as they started to move, wheeling Ember through the glass doors and along the stark white corridor, Erin could only think of one thing. What if she hadn't done enough?

* * *

Shay had been left behind in the rush, only just climbing out of the car, thankfully she wasn't alone. The nice emergency services operator remained on the phone to her, encouraging her to follow her mother into the hospital. That wasn't possible though, the glass doors had locked to anyone without an identification tag.

"Alright kiddo, stay where you are I have someone coming to get you" The operator informed after a long silence, switching lines to talk to the hospital. Shay was crying loudly, thinking her phone friend had abandoned her as well.

"Mama" She pleaded with the door, kicking and banging against it.

"Someone will be there soon" The operator assured gently, wishing there was more she could do for the little girl.

"I...want my...Mama" Shay sniffled.

"You'll see her soon"

"Soon now" Shay whined, starting to look around for another way into the building. Soon was how long it had taken for Emmy to be born, she couldn't possibly wait outside for that long.

"What's your name?" The operator asked hoping to distract her for long enough for the hospital staff to arrive.

"Shay"

"That's a pretty name" The operator commented, wondering why it was taking so long.

"I pretty" Shay informed, almost rudely, as she wandered away from the doors. Having looked in both directions she picked one randomly and started walking.

"I bet you are. How old are you?" The operator enquired, tapping her fingers impatiently.

"Big girl two" Shay answered, maybe once she got around the corner she would be able to see people.

"That's awesome" The operator smiled.

"Chasey... I want my Chasey... And Daddy" Shay cried loudly, the corner was a long way away, Mummy was gone and Ember was sick. It had turned into a horrible afternoon, she wanted her family and she wanted to go home.

"Who's Chasey?" The operator sighed, almost sure that she could have gotten in her car and driven to the hospital faster. Everyone remembered the terror of getting lost in the supermarket as a kid so she had some idea what the little girl was feeling, alone in a foreign place and only two years old.

"My big brother" Shay answered, thinking of him cheered her up for a moment and she increased her speed. Determined to get to the corner.

"Shay, you're still waiting at the doors aren't you?" The operator asked, noticing that the dot on the map that traced the phone had moved slightly while she watched the computer screen.

"Yes" Shay lied easily, making sure to keep the crunching of her feet on the gravel to a minimum. She felt bad, the lady on the phone was trying to help, but she could already hear sirens around the corner, that meant there had to be people.

"Good girl, stay there for me. I'll be back in one second" The operator explained, maybe calling the hospital again would speed them up. Shay was gone by the time she got back, having stuffed the phone into her pants so she could run to the corner. She could see more cars, some of them moving, and two ambulances parked near doors. Open doors. Sure enough as Shay made her way towards them she saw people, wiping away her tears as she rushed towards them.

* * *

Erin watched on in shock, struggling to process what was happening. Feet planted at the end of the bed, unmoving. This couldn't be real. She hoped with every fiber of her being that this was a nightmare. That any moment she would wake up, sit up and see Ember sleeping peacefully in her crib. A living breathing baby not the lifeless, pale blue form on the hospital bed. Wires stuck to her chest to monitor her heart rate, or lack thereof, alarms on the machines beeping urgently as the doctors and nurses kept working.

"How much does she weigh?" A doctor questioned Erin, acknowledging her presence for the first time.

"Almost fifteen pounds" Erin supplied quickly, hating that she hadn't been more specific. "Fourteen pound twelve this morning" She corrected but they'd already emptied half the syringe of clear fluid into Ember's arm. Tilting her head back before forcing a tube down her throat, attaching a small bag, that a nurse squeezed to force air into her little lungs more efficiently. The doctor called for chest compressions to stop so he could press his stethoscope to her chest, checking the placement of the tube. Then the large hand was back, depressing her chest with such force that Erin wanted to intervene, her little ribs protesting as bruises started to form. Erin knew she couldn't though, she wasn't supposed to be there and drawing attention to herself wouldn't help. These people were the difference between having two daughters and one. Where the hell was Shay? Looking around for the toddler she missed the call for the defibrillator, turning back when the doctor made the call.

"Clear!" Erin could almost feel the shock herself, Ember's tiny body tensing horribly for an instant.

"Nothing" A female doctor supplied.

"Go again" The male doctor, middle aged and apparently in charge, called.

"Charging" The third doctor informed.

"Clear!"

"Again" He requested when there was no change. "Clear" He called, more quietly than before. Erin could feel it and see it, already he was losing hope. They couldn't have been in the hospital for more than five minutes. Tears suddenly welling up and spilling down her cheeks as she let the thought cross her mind for a second. This could be it. She might have seen Ember's last smile, felt her firm grip on a finger for the last time and stroked her eyebrows as she slept for the last time. A strangled sob escaped her, ripping free, alerting everyone to the pain she was feeling. More intense than anything she had felt before. Clamping a hand to her mouth she tore her eyes from Ember to look up for a split second, praying to a god she didn't believe in, begging for her daughters life.

"Pulse! I've got a pulse!" The nurse yelled, disbelief clear in her voice. The lead doctor's hand replaced hers, pressing two fingers to Ember's neck while adding another two in under her arm. Eyes fixed on the the green line of the heart rate monitor, rising and falling in a steady rhythm.

"Get that up" He instructed tapping the screen, the value representing her blood oxygen levels. Then he turned to Erin and gave the most comforting look she had ever seen. He looked calm and completely in control, she understood, that was his job and it wasn't his baby. Understandably she was a mess in comparison, watching them continue with tubes, wires and needles, ignoring him until he touched her arm gently. "What's going on Mum?" He asked, looking back at Ember for a second to make his question clearer. Now that Ember was alive they needed to know what had happened.

"I..." Her voice cracked and she stopped for a moment. "I don't know."

"How old is she?" The doctor enquired with a small, caring smile.

"Six weeks. I don't understand, she was fine... we were at the doctor" She tried to explain, starting to come to terms with the reality of what had just happened.

"Her first vaccinations?" He questioned.

"Yeah" Erin nodded, not sure how that was connected.

"Okay, that's alright then. In that case I believe she's having an allergic reaction. A very severe one. We'll have to run some tests of course but...she's stable for now. Take a deep breath for me" The doctor requested, stepping closer and gripping her arm carefully.

"I just..." She gasped, feeling breathless and lightheaded. All she had been trying to do was keep Ember safe from disease but she'd almost killed her. She had killed her, twice.

"I know. It's scary, but she's okay" He comforted, pleased with the vitals displayed on the monitor.

"No she isn't. This happened before, she came back for a while...then she was gone again" Erin argued urging him to keep watching her.

"We're monitoring her very closely" He assured. "Come sit down for a minute."

"No" She replied flatly, though sitting would probably help, feeling her blood pressure change.

"She'll be okay. You on the other hand look like you're about to faint. Deep breath for me" He encouraged.

"I can't leave her" She explained weakly, trying to regain control of herself.

"April, can you get a chair?" He requested of the woman walking past.

"Sure"

"Okay, here you go" The doctor said softly a few moments later as he helped her sit down. Erin sat forward, elbows resting on her knees, head in hands as she breathed deeply. "I'm Doctor Ward by the way" He introduced when she straightened, feeling considerably more relaxed.

"Erin and Ember, Severide" She replied accepting the glass of water April offered, hating how pathetic she must look.

"Severide?" April questioned, surprised to hear the familiar name.

"Yeah?" Erin nodded.

"Sorry, can't be..." April dismissed, looking at the tiny baby on the massive hospital bed.

"Oh god, where's Shay? Has someone got Shay?" Erin demanded as she stood quickly, all the colour she had regained drained.

"Woah, just sit. Who's Shay?" Doctor Ward asked, forcing her back into the chair.

"My daughter, she was in the car, she's only two..." She started, the emergency situation with Ember had been such a distraction she had forgotten Shay.

* * *

Shay had made it to the main entrance of the hospital and was facing the complete opposite problem, there were now far too many people. Rushing and bustling past as they went about their day, seemingly oblivious to the toddler weaving amongst their legs. There was a kind looking lady with a baby that Shay tried to ask for help but she was on the phone and didn't hear her. Regretting not staying at the door she pulled out the phone, hoping the nice lady would be able to help. But she wasn't there and the phone wouldn't turn on. An ambulance, arriving with lights and sirens, caught Shay's attention and a group of people in white coats rushed towards it almost knocking her over. Worried about their return Shay had no choice but to put an end to the madness. "MAMA!" She screamed as loudly as she could, becoming the center of attention and forcing the adults to stop.

"Shay?"

"Peter Mills!" Shay squealed running towards the man she recognised immediately. He stepped away from his patient, safe in the hands of his partner and half a dozen doctors, and crouched down as she approached. Shay threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she hugged him tightly, finally feeling safe.

"What are you doing here Shay?" Mills asked when she finally released him.

"Mama?" Shay questioned, relieved to have found someone she knew and trusted but still desperate to find her mother. 

"Where's your mum?" Mills questioned, looking around for any sign of Erin.

"Don't know" Shay answered, on the verge of tears, finding her mother in their house during a game of hide and seek was hard enough. The hospital was ginormous, it was going to take forever and Mills wasn't even looking in the right place.

"Are you lost?" He suggested, lifting her up as he continued to look around.

"Mama hostible" Shay explained, pointing urgently towards the doors where Brett was now waiting, having passed the patient off to the doctors.

"Okay, don't worry. We'll help you find her" Mills assured, joining Brett at the entrance to the hospital. Brett wanted to talk to Shay but the toddler refused to be delayed any further, squirming free of Mills' grip before running off, further into the building. Mills and Brett caught her in the waiting room, leading her through another set of doors before stopping at the central nurses station.

"Shay? We've been waiting for you!" A cheerful young doctor greeted, encouraging the trio to follow him. Around a corner and down the corridor they approached the cubical where Erin was pacing anxiously. Conflicted between staying with Ember and searching for Shay herself. Thankfully she'd found Will Halstead, who was now leading the toddler and her entourage of paramedics towards her.

"Mama!" Shay shrieked as they neared. Erin didn't think she was capable of more worry but seeing Shay with paramedics made her question Shay's health as well.

"Baby" Erin replied with a concerned smile. She took the toddler from Brett and checked her over carefully before hugging her tightly. Erin thanked Brett and Mills profusely, squashing Shay in the process of hugging them both, not even bothering to hide her tears of relief. The young paramedics were alarmed to see Ember but quickly found something they could do to help, notify Kelly and get him to the hospital. By the time he arrived Ember had been moved up to the pediatric intensive care unit, Erin rocking Shay as she slept at the foot of the crib.

"Er..." Kelly whispered softly as he entered the room, not wanting to startle her by walking up behind her. He got a glimpse of Ember, tubes and wires everywhere, but tried to focus on his wife, it hurt less. Erin turned to face him and he could see how close she was to breaking, rushing to pull her into his arms. Everything she had been holding in poured forth and he held her as she cried softly, even at her lowest point she was still mindful of Shay sleeping against her shoulder. They were all alive and together, that was the most important thing.

**That was intense and it's not over yet. I introduced some Chicago Med characters...which is totally inconsistent with my time line (please forgive me). What do you think? **

**I am not religious and I am massively pro-vaccination, just in case this chapter had you questioning either of those things... Both my older brother and sister experienced severe allergic reactions (cardiac arrest) when being vaccinated as infants, as a result I am completely unvaccinated. I have seen dozens of doctors and specialists and have finally found an allergist who is willing to vaccinate me (at one tenth of the standard dose). I hope to be fully vaccinated by the end of the year :) Next time you see your doctor please check your vaccination status. People like me count on those who can be vaccinated for herd immunity. Sorry for getting all serious on you but it's life and death for me!**


	117. Chapter 117

"I'm sorry" Erin muttered against his chest, having exhausted herself crying all she wanted to do was sleep. She couldn't though, ever again, her baby needed her and she had to be awake in case anything happened. Kelly had known it was coming but he still felt insanely angry to hear the words, she had nothing to be sorry for.

"Don't say that" He replied, sounding far harsher than he intended.

"I am. I am so sorry" She argued, taking his words as a denial of what she'd said. Of course he hated her, it was only fair given what she'd done to their baby. With this realisation came the need to distance herself, he was only holding her because he felt sorry for her.

"No. Erin…please" He requested, groaning in frustration. Why did she have to do this every time something bad happened? She seemed to think she was somehow meant to be in control of everything at all times. It wasn't humanly possible and she needed to accept that. If she could have changed things he had no doubt she would have, but she couldn't. Nobody could have.

"Please what?" She questioned, unable to work out what he was trying to say.

"Stop blaming yourself, you didn't do this. Even the doctor who vaccinated her didn't do this. It was completely random. There's no need for blame anyway, she's okay. She's going to be okay" He reasoned, looking across at Ember quickly, he couldn't do it for more than a few seconds without feeling sick.

"Mmm" Erin agreed softly, moving to the edge of the hospital crib, cage-like when the sides were raised but given Ember's unconscious state there was no need for them to be. Erin didn't want to think about it, preferring to let her mind wander as she stared down at Ember. Her little arms were both wrapped with bandages, holding the cannula in place, so Erin grasped her little foot. Smiling when it was warm and soft just the way it was supposed to be. The room was silent for a very long time, Erin watched Ember while Kelly watched the heart rate monitor.

"Good Evening" Doctor Ward greeted as he entered the room, introducing himself before shaking Kelly's hand. The two doctors that had followed him into the room then introduced themselves.

"Will" Doctor Halstead supplied, giving Erin a small smile. He wasn't supposed to be there but after calling his brother he'd started asking questions about Ember's condition, hoping to provide support until Jay could get there.

"Doctor Blackwell" The third man added softly, more interested in looking at Ember than speaking with her parents.

"We thought we'd come have a word about Ember, let you know what we're doing and to talk about possible outcomes" Doctor Ward explained gently. It wasn't what Erin and Kelly were expecting to hear, 'outcomes' didn't sound particularly positive.

"Okay" Erin nodded, letting go of Ember's foot as she turned to look at the doctors.

"Alright. Ember is stable and we expect her health to improve steadily from here. We're assisting her breathing at the moment and managing her heart rate and blood pressure. Over the next few hours as the sedation wears off we'll reduce the amount of medication and hopefully get her breathing on her own. Best case scenario is that she is fine without intervention, and we just monitor her carefully for the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours. Worst case would be continuing the medical intervention and giving her time to recover" Doctor Ward explained as Doctor Blackwell familiarized himself with Ember's chart.

"How much time?" Erin questioned, she knew it was the worst case scenario but she needed to prepare herself. There was nothing she could do but gather information.

"As long as it takes. Essentially her body was so shocked by the vaccinations that it shut down, completely. She needs to perform some systems checks and reboot, the time that takes is dependent on her, a few days at most" He answered using the computer metaphor because he knew they would understand.

"But after that she'll be fine?" Kelly asked, hope evident in his voice.

"We will have to assess her for brain damage. Her brain was without oxygen for some time, we don't know how long and she might be perfectly fine" He paused to work out what to say next but Erin spoke before he could.

"She might not." It was a sobering thought.

"What does that mean for her?" Kelly demanded, trying to ignore his wife.

"Depends on the extent of the damage, slowed development, learning difficulties… She stands a good chance of a full recovery, CPR was commenced immediately and she's young. Both those things are working in her favour. Don't worry about that now though, we need to get her breathing first" He replied seriously, as a doctor he couldn't give definitive answers but if Ember had inherited her mother's fighting spirit he had no doubt she would be absolutely fine.

"The nurse will be assessing her vitals every half hour, she should regain consciousness in the next hour at which point we will work on getting rid of the breathing tube. Keep an eye on her and press the call button when she starts to wake" Doctor Blackwell instructed flatly after pressing buttons on the machine helping her breathe.

"Okay" Erin nodded, turning back to watch Ember.

"Is there anything else we can do?" Kelly asked, feeling quite useless. He hadn't been there to help when Ember had stopped breathing and he couldn't have helped get her to hospital. He needed there to be something he could do.

"No, she just needs time" Doctor Blackwell answered on his way out of the room. Erin much preferred Doctor Ward even if he wasn't the most specialized, even if he didn't really he at least appeared to care about Ember.

"You've already done everything you can, she's in the right place. You just need to be patient" Doctor Ward comforted.

"Thank you" Erin said with the biggest smile she could muster.

"You're the reason she's still alive. She's going to be okay" Doctor Ward assured firmly, though it definitely overstepped the mark. There were no guarantees in medicine. Erin looked like she needed to hear it and Kelly's eyes brightened at the certainty he conveyed. They all watched Ember for a few moments, willing her to get better faster, Kelly finally taking in the wires and tubes keeping his precious little girl alive. He knew he had to be strong for his family but if he'd been alone nothing could have stopped the tears he was working so hard to blink away. "I'll be back in an hour or so. If you need to contact me I'll be down in the ED. The cafeteria is down one floor, at the front of the building, they're open all night for coffee and sandwiches" Doctor Ward farewelled, it was clear they weren't going anywhere.

"Thanks. For everything" Kelly croaked, the doctor nodded then turned and left.

"My shift is over" Will supplied when Kelly looked across at him, standing a little way back and to the point completely silent. "Oh…ah these are yours I believe" Will remembered after a moment, pulling Erin's car keys from his pocket.

"I completely forgot… Did I even turn the car off?" Erin asked as she accepted them, they didn't seem at all important so she placed them on the side table. Pressing a kiss to Shay's head and rubbing her back, reflecting on the way she'd forgotten her in her rush.

"Yeah you did. I just moved it around to the staff car park, I can show you later" He answered softly, his antics in med school and the resultant party lifestyle didn't mean he couldn't empathise with them. Having a sick kid had to be awful, she was far too little to have had to fight for her life.

"Okay" Erin agreed though she had no intention to leave.

"I hope its okay… I called Jay. He said he'd get here as soon as he could and that he'd tell Voight" Will relayed carefully, these people were almost complete strangers and he felt very out of place.

"We were busy on a bust" Jay contributed from the doorway, having stopped when he heard his name. He turned to gesture for Voight to leave the nurse alone and follow him then entered the room. Erin had looked around to identify the voice but then her focus had returned to the baby again, each rise and fall of her little chest calming her a little more. There were now five adults and two little girls in the small room, it was starting to feel crowded. Hank and Jay didn't know what to say, when Will had called he'd explained that Ember had had an allergic reaction. They had no idea it would be so very serious, seeing her like that was a shock and they both stood staring.

"She's going to be okay" Kelly explained when the sound of so many people breathing started to get to him.

"You can't say that" Erin argued, turning on him so suddenly that Shay started to stir, the sharp movement startling her from her sleep.

"Don't" Kelly warned seriously. Hank and Jay didn't know what to make of the terse exchange, looking at each other questioningly.

"Mama?" Shay asked after a moment, looking up at the familiar face.

"I've got you beautiful" Erin confirmed softly, watching as Shay sat up in her arms, balling her fists to rub at her eyes. Clearing them before looking around the room, the people she knew but everything else was strange.

"Mama, Emmy!" Shay squeaked when she got a proper look at her sister, twisting around to do so. Her mother had taught her that part of her job as a big sister was making sure Ember didn't put things in her mouth.

"She's alright, she's just sick and the doctors need all that stuff to make her better" Erin explained quickly.

"I hungry" Shay complained after processing the information, as if on cue her stomach rumbled.

"I'll take her to get some food" Jay volunteered immediately. He wasn't sure he could bear being in the room another minute.

"Do you want to go with Jay? He'll get you food" Erin questioned, she'd put the two year old through enough and wouldn't blame her for any separation anxiety following her afternoon adventure. If that meant she had to leave Ember to get Shay food she would.

"JayJay, we back?" Shay questioned, looking from Jay to her mother.

"Yeah you can come back when you've had something to eat" Erin answered, handing Shay over to Jay, feeling the loss of her warm little body acutely.

"Do you want anything?" Jay asked, while he was eager to get out of there he knew none of the others wanted to be their either. Erin and Kelly shook their heads, Hank asked for coffee and Will decided to accompany his brother to the cafeteria.

"So what's actually going on? Is she going to be okay?" Hank demanded as soon as they were gone.

"Yes" Kelly answered, pulling the crisp white hospital blanket higher up Ember's bare chest.

"Maybe" Erin corrected, maybe he couldn't comprehend how serious it was because he hadn't seen Ember blue and lifeless. She had already died twice that day and Erin couldn't be convinced it wasn't going to happen again.

"The doctors say she's going to be okay, it's just a matter of time before she's off the machines and drugs" Kelly explained for Voight, increasingly annoyed at Erin's pessimism.

"They also said she could be brain damaged" Erin added. She didn't want to think of her baby as anything less than perfect even if the lack of oxygen had damaged her brain but it wasn't something that could be ignored.

"Could Erin. Could. Not would, not will be! Nothing is certain!" Kelly argued angrily, losing the battle not to raise his voice.

"She might not be okay. You just have to know that" She reasoned, grabbing his arm and forcing him to make eye contact. Tears blurred her vision but she didn't look away, she couldn't let him keep believing everything was going to be alright. It would only hurt him more when Ember wasn't the same baby she had been.

"Just try to think positively" He encouraged.

"That's not going to change anything!" She almost yelled, if thinking could make anything better they wouldn't be standing in a hospital.

"Stop. Both of you" Hank ordered, reminding them that they weren't alone. "Can't people in comas hear you? Do you really want Ember listening to this?" He questioned seriously.

"She's not in a coma" Erin informed blankly.

"You know what I mean. Arguing about whether or not she's got brain damage doesn't help. Right now you're both being selfish! You need to be thinking about Emmy and each other, this isn't fun for anyone. We all want her to be okay" Hank rationalised, doubting their relationship for the first time.

"I'm being selfish?" Erin laughed coldly, feeling almost betrayed by his harsh words. She set her jaw and waited for him to apologise, he had absolutely no right, not after she'd done everything humanly possible to save Ember. Not when she was just trying to protect Kelly from the horrible disappointment of their baby being less than perfect. That wasn't selfish. Or was it? Deep down she knew what was motivating her words, she needed Kelly to hate her because she hated herself for letting it happen. She had done this, she had killed their baby and abandoned their little girl. Even if everything was okay now she still couldn't shift the guilt and that was selfish. "I'm being selfish" She gasped, pressing her hand to her mouth, more guilt. Kelly grabbed her as she wobbled, holding her tightly as she cried silently, hand still covering her mouth.

"I'm sorry kid" Voight mumbled, resting a hand on her back to comfort her. He couldn't help but smile softly to himself, she didn't even know it but little Ember was so very loved that the people who loved her were hurting so badly they had started to hurt each other. It appeared he needed to take his own advice so after communicating with Kelly in looks he pulled Erin into his arms. He'd hugged her six weeks ago but he hadn't held her while she cried since he'd been shot and before that when she'd blamed herself for a child's death. It was rare and special, Erin could feel him willing her to be calm and she simply couldn't cry anymore. Snuggling her face through his open jacket so she could feel his heart beating against her cheek. Closing her eyes led to her falling asleep on her feet, weight supported in his surprisingly strong arms. He had just decided to move her to the chair in the corner when she jolted awake.

"Em" She uttered, stumbling towards the baby. Leaning heavily on the bed as she lay a hand on the baby, feeling her warmth, the rise and fall of her chest and her faint heart beat through the blanket.

"She's okay" Kelly assured gently, coming up behind her, placing a hand on her arm.

"She's going to be okay" Erin said determinedly, looking at Kelly so he knew she meant it then leaning down to kiss her baby. It was a dreadful shock then when she opened her eyes to see Ember's blue ones staring back at her. A small squeak escaped her as she thought about what to do, reaching for the call button at the head of the crib. It wasn't called the intensive care unit for nothing, doctors and nurses flooded the room almost the second she released the button. Thankfully since Ember was suddenly fully conscious, crying silently and grasping desperately through the blanket. "It's okay, it's okay baby" Erin tried to comfort as the doctor held her chin firmly to keep Ember still.

"Ah…good girl" Doctor Blackwell smiled as he watched her carefully.

"What?" Erin questioned desperately, Ember seemed to be struggling horribly but he was pleased, she didn't like him but this seemed far too cruel.

"She's fighting the ventilator, breathing for herself" He summarised, working with a nurse to remove the tube, Ember choking, spluttering and gagging against it. They continued to watch intently as she took her first unassisted breaths, gasping and crying feebly, still unable to make noise. "This is the best case scenario Doctor Ward explained, the sedation has worn off, smooth extubation and she's breathing" Doctor Blackwell smiled.

"Thank you, thank you so much" Erin managed, crying and laughing at the same time, cupping Ember's cheek as she wailed soundlessly.

"Nurse Grayson will stay for a little while to keep an eye on her" The doctor added before leaving the room. Erin didn't know where all the other doctors and nurses had gone but she didn't care. Her baby was okay.

"Can I hold her?" Erin asked the nurse hopefully.

"Yeah, just don't be alarmed if the monitor goes, you'll probably twist some of the leads" Nurse Grayson cautioned. Mindful of the two IV lines and the countless wires stuck Ember's chest Erin lifted her carefully. The last time she held her was very different. Nothing in the world could beat the bliss she felt to have her baby squirming in her arms again. Kelly held Erin from behind, his long arms extending around to hold Ember as well. Hank gave them a moment before moving to join them, brushing a finger across Ember's cheek. It took a few moments but soon her face softened, no longer crying but still displeased. Erin felt greedy for wanting a smile but it appeared Kelly did too, pulling faces and tickling Ember gently until she could no longer resist. Big blue eyes twinkling as her cheeks rose, the corners of her mouth turning up as she gave the widest smile they had ever seen. Watching Ember and keeping her smiling distracted them from the departure of Nurse Grayson and the arrival of the Halstead brothers and Shay. Thrilled to see Ember awake and happy though it was strange to know she was laughing when she couldn't make more than a breathy squeaking sound. Shay was particularly relieved now that the tube was gone, peppering kisses across her little sisters face before asking to hold her.

"Okay, just for a minute" Erin agreed, waiting until Shay sat nicely before settling Ember in her arms. The alarm on the heart rate monitor beeped but Erin quickly found the problem, reattaching the lead and straightening it. Then she stopped for a moment and stood back. For a painfully long time she had questioned whether this would ever be able to happen again, her two little girls happy and healthy.

**How was that? I don't mean to be dragging this storyline out over so many chapters but I've been working really hard to describe what I 'see' happening and that takes longer to write. It's very difficult to write chapters based in a hospital, I feel like I need a medical advisor, and to try to keep it accurate I have done a fair bit of research. **

**I'm off to bed for three and a half hours sleep before getting up to attend an ANZAC day dawn service. I should get to spend most of tomorrow writing… If I don't fall asleep! Night :D**


	118. Chapter 118

Kelly struggled not to move when just before one thirty in the morning a cramp in his foot made sure he was awake, not that there had been any doubt. Unlike his wife, dozing intermittently on his lap, Chase, sleeping in his chair, and daughters, cuddled together as they slept deeply, he hadn't yet succumbed to the exhaustion he felt. The pain in his foot was so intense that he had to shift and stretch it, accidentally waking Erin in the process. Just like every time she had woken she immediately got up and crossed the room to check on the girls. Ensuring that they were both still breathing before tucking the blanket around them, smoothing their soft hair and kissing their foreheads. "They alright?" Kelly questioned in a whisper, though he knew they were, just like every other time.

"Yeah" Erin nodded in response. Kelly stood, shaking Chase's shoulder on his way to stand beside her, she wasn't going to like what he was about to say.

"It's time to go home" He stated, it wasn't a question. They had only avoided being kicked out by the staff because Chase and Erin had been asleep. He wasn't going to argue though, they all needed to get some sleep if they were to face the next day and the uncertainty that lay ahead. Hank had left at midnight, his back already aching from the uncomfortable hospital chair, and the Halstead brothers had left an hour later, vowing to return first thing in the morning. While it was indirect, caring for themselves was all they could do to help Ember.

"Please" She protested weakly. She knew he was right, they needed to sleep but she didn't want to leave her baby. Kelly looked at his wife carefully, then kissed her softly before shrugging his jacket from his shoulders to wrap around Shay as he picked her up. Then he took Erin's hand in his and after a moment of resistance she started to move. Chase stumbling along behind them, still half asleep.

"I'll stay with her" Ember's nurse assured when they almost walked into each other in the corridor, giving Erin's arm a comforting squeeze before proceeding into the room. It was then that Kelly struggled most to get Erin to move again, she was glad to know that Ember wouldn't be alone but reluctant to leave her with a stranger. Dragging Erin through the corridors, initially she fought to free her hand then started sniffle when she couldn't, they slowly made their way to the car. He helped her in, finding it hard to see her so distressed, and did up her seat belt trying not to take her teary glare personally. The drive home didn't take long but it gave Chase time to wake up enough to volunteer to put Shay to bed. Kelly agreed and nodded his thanks, taking Erin straight through to their bedroom. She was so tired that he had to help her get ready for bed, right down to pulling the blankets over her after almost carrying her to the bed. Using every last bit of energy she had to stay awake, trying desperately to figure out a way to get back to the hospital. Her tears and pleading did nothing but exhaust her further and in the end Kelly simply pulled her tightly to his chest and held her until she slept.

Erin was astonished at just how energized she felt waking up after only five hours of sleep. Carefully wriggling out of Kelly's embrace she sat up slowly, running her fingers though her hair as she planned her course of action. The aim of course was to get back to the hospital as quickly as possible but there was plenty to be done before they could leave. The most dreaded task came first, relieving the pressure caused by missing several feeds. She refused to let her nemesis, the breast pump, win on this occasion, though it had dozens of times in the past. An hour later, feeling considerably more comfortable having showered and dressed as well she checked in on Shay, still sleeping, before heading back down to the kitchen to make breakfast. Pancakes were easy to cook and keep warm so she made enough for everyone, eating the first few herself then leaving the rest for the others. Finding her phone on the dining room table she took it upstairs and plugged it in to charge, though she hoped to leave well before it charged fully. Kelly continued to sleep but Shay was starting to wake up so Erin gave her a quick kiss then set about selecting clothes for her, giving her a chance to wake up in her own time.

"Mama?" Shay asked, confused when she realized she hadn't fallen asleep in her room.

"Good morning" Erin greeted as she placed the outfit she had chosen on the end of Shay's bed and sat. down.

"When we home?" Shay questioned as she kicked back her blankets, stretched and yawned.

"In the night, you were sleeping so Daddy carried you" She explained, leaning down to kiss Shay again. Thankfully the toddler was in a cuddly mood and was happy to be held for a few minutes as her mother made sure she knew how much she loved her. Having helped Shay get dressed they stopped at the bathroom on their way downstairs where Erin served her breakfast and left her to eat. Packing a bag with snacks and water bottles for everyone and another with some toys and books for Shay kept her busy while the toddler ate. Chase joined Shay at the table to eat breakfast, that he finished at the same time she did was testament to his speed eating abilities.

"I'll help her brush her teeth before I shower" Chase informed Erin as he took Shay upstairs with him, she was thankful for his thoughtfulness and willingness to help. She followed them after a few minutes, on her way to wake her husband so they could get going. Just pulling away the pillow covering his face woke him but she added a kiss for good measure.

"We're leaving in twenty minutes. Have a shower. Breakfast is ready" Erin instructed with a small smile, kissing him again to motivate him.

"Alright" Kelly agreed though he desperately wanted to go back to sleep for a few more hours at least. Erin found herself blocking his way, remaining seated on the edge of the bed as she stared numbly at Ember's empty crib. Questioning whether or not she should pack some clothes for Ember. Kelly sat up behind her, placing one hand on her leg and the other on her upper arm. "I love you" He whispered softly, brushing her hair out of the way before kissing her neck softly, hoping to provide some comfort.

"I love you" She replied, turning to look at him before resting her forehead against his for a moment. Then she got up and left him, heading downstairs to join Shay on the couch, eyes fixed on the cartoon though her mind was elsewhere.

"Mama" Shay said softly as she climbed onto her mother, also disinterested in the television.

"Mmm?" She acknowledged.

"Emmy hostible?" Shay questioned carefully, she didn't understand what was happening with her sister and she hated to think they had left her behind.

"Yeah, Emmy's still at the hospital" Erin answered, hating the horrified look Shay gave her.

"Why?" Shay demanded angrily.

"She's sick" Her mother provided, wishing there was an easier way to explain it to her.

"Why?" Shay repeated, when she was sick she didn't have to go to hospital. Mummy had been to the hospital but that was different because she was a grown up and could look after herself. If they were all at home Shay didn't understand who was looking after her sister.

"I don't know" Erin sighed.

"I want Emmy" Shay complained, face scrunching up as she started to cry. Erin didn't know what to say for a moment, hugging her sad and confused toddler while trying not to cry herself.

"We're going to go see her when Daddy and Chase are ready" She encouraged, clearing her throat to sound cheerful.

"I go Daddy hurry up" Shay mumbled to herself, sliding down to the floor before marching determinedly up the stairs. Erin didn't expect Shay to have much success but moments later she returned with both men. Kelly rushed to grab something to eat while Chase helped Shay with her jacket and shoes. Erin got up quickly and rushed to retrieve her phone, deciding to take some clothes for Ember at the last moment. When she descended the stairs they were all ready, Kelly eating a pancake while Chase held the bags she had packed and Shay had the Frozen blanket they had bought for Ember bundled up in her arms. After stuffing the clothes she had grabbed into the bag of things for Shay, Erin put on her jacket, slipped her shoes on and grabbed the keys. They felt like they were moving in as they made their way to Ember's room, all surprised to see half a dozen doctors and nurses standing around her crib. Erin tried not to assume the worst but it was difficult until Doctor Ward gave her a grin and a thumbs up. The family stood aside as all but two of the medical staff left, Doctor Ward and Doctor Blackwell. Chase quickly stepped in, helping Shay put the blanket over Ember before taking her out of the room to give the adults time to talk.

"It's all good news" Doctor Ward started before explaining that they always held a case review with all the available intensive care unit staff prior to releasing a patient to a normal ward. Ember appeared happy and her smooth, coordinated movements indicated not only that she hadn't sustained major brain damage but also that she was classed as developmentally advanced for her age. While it was wonderful news Erin couldn't stop herself crying at the thought of what could have been, massively relieved and suddenly more exhausted than before.

"We want her to stay for another night just to keep an eye on her, we've disconnected everything we can so we're looking to see that she's alright on her own" Doctor Blackwell explained as Erin noticed the lack of tubes and wires. They even disconnected the heart rate monitor in preparation for her move to a room on the nearest pediatric ward, leaving them waiting on an orderly to make the move. Erin and Kelly both thanked the doctors and called Chase and Shay back into the room.

"Emmy's going to another room because she's getting better" Erin explained to Shay who seemed happy with her mute but smiling sister. The doctors had explained that it would be a few days before Ember started to get her voice back following the rough emergency intubation.

"Magic blankie" Shay nodded, as if she'd known all along that the blanket was the answer.

"I think so" Erin agreed, able to smile properly. Shay started a game of peek-a-boo with Ember, using the blanket to cover her face before pulling it away for breathy giggles. Chase had to hug Erin, almost more relieved than she was to find out his precious god daughter was going to be alright. The Halstead brothers both almost died of shock when they entered the room to see the heart rate monitor blank, Chase and Erin hugging tightly and a blanket over Ember's face, Shay leaning over to hug her sister. A moment later though they joined the celebratory hugging, very glad that their first impression was furthest from the truth. Hank arrived just after the orderly and the small crowd followed along as Ember was wheeled to her new, brightly coloured room. It was a much more cheerful space with rainbows, balloons and smiling animals painted on the walls, matching their mood perfectly.

* * *

Ember was discharged the following day, Doctor Ward requesting plenty of sleep and lots of cuddles for Ember and the rest of her family. While it was against hospital policy Ember had had plenty of visitors during her stay and had amassed quite a collection of stuffed animals as a result. Will volunteered his services as a doctor if they had any questions or concerns, giving them an outdated business that he had to scribble his new number on the back of. Kelly was slightly worried that Erin didn't seem very excited to be taking Ember home but understood her hesitation to leave the medical staff and equipment behind. She kept such a close eye on Ember that there was very little risk of a change in her condition going unnoticed. That night when everyone left and it was just their family of five on the couch Erin brought up something she had been thinking about a lot.

"We never had a party for her, we had one for ... but we haven't with Emmy" Erin explained, pointing to Shay instead of saying her name in case it woke her. Sleeping on Chase, the only one who didn't seem to mind her dribbling.

"The one at Molly's?" Kelly checked.

"Yeah, we need to introduce her properly and name her godparents officially" She declared eagerly, Ember hadn't had the easiest start but they needed to move past that, celebrating her arrival.

"Does she have a godmother?" Kelly questioned, wondering if he'd missed the announcement, Erin had spontaneously made Chase her godfather and it was possible he hadn't been paying attention.

"Not yet" She smiled, though she had someone in mind for the role.

"I think we should ask Cindy" He suggested hopefully.

"Yeah" She agreed straight away, having been about to volunteer her herself. If it weren't for Gabby's help with Shay's birth they probably would have chosen Cindy the first time.

"So we're having a party for Emmy at Molly's?" Chase clarified, he hadn't been present at Shay's welcome to the world party but liked the idea.

"In a week or two" Erin added, wanting the time to get back into a routine and to make sure Ember wasn't exposed to anything while her immune system was still vulnerable.

"It'll have to be next Friday because after that they're having live entertainment in every Friday night to boost profits" Kelly explained.

"Okay, can you organise that?" She asked him, it was very convenient to have friends who owned the perfect venue for almost any celebration.

"Sure, I'll drop by the firehouse in the morning" Kelly agreed before yawning, quickly followed by a yawn from Erin and Chase.

"Bedtime I think" Erin smiled as she pointed the remote at the television and turned it off.

"Yeah, I'll feed Sooty" Chase agreed, handing Shay to her father before lifting the cat from the arm of the couch. Erin and Kelly looked at each other for a moment then got up and took their girls up to bed. They had already tucked Shay in once but she hadn't been able to sleep so she'd joined them downstairs where their conversation had bored her to sleep. Erin freed Ember from the sling before feeding, changing and dressing her ready for bed, still anxious about her being so far away. It was just the other side of the room but she had no way of knowing Ember was still alive, not that the doctors would have discharged her if they had any concerns.

"You coming?" Kelly questioned, he'd put toothpaste on her toothbrush and had been waiting for her to come and claim it. Instead she tucked, untucked and retucked Ember three times before she was satisfied she would be alright. Kelly had to pull her away when she went back to do it again before getting into bed. "She's fine" He assured, pulling back the covers so she would get into bed.

"I know" She nodded, it was hard not to get up and check her every few minutes though, just in case something went wrong.

"So there's no need to worry" He reminded, hoping she would be able to get a good nights sleep.

"Sorry. For everything. I've been stupidly emotional over the last few days" She apologised after a few minutes, laying on her side to look at him.

"It's completely understandable" He accepted, sliding a hand under her shirt to rest his hand in the curve of her waist.

"Don't make excuses for me, you were just as worried but I didn't bother to ask if you were okay" She argued gently, Hank's words about selfishness had made her think and he was right. A lot of the time she didn't bother to think about Kelly and how he was feeling.

"I'm fine" He smiled, kissing her nose before laying flat on his back.

"Are you sure?" She questioned seriously, sitting up to look down at him.

"I was scared, really terrified, when Brett and Mills came rushing at me to tell me what was going on. Knowing you were there helped though, I knew you wouldn't let anything happen to our babies. So yeah, the last few days have been emotionally tough. For all of us. But we're together and that's what matters most" He explained softly as she rest her head on his chest, looking up towards his face.

"I love you so much" She whispered, reaching for his hand.

"I love you just as much" He assured, holding her hand tightly as they took a moment to think.

"Maybe we'll get around to having a shower in the morning" She suggested with a wink, laughing at herself for being so juvenile.

"Maybe" He agreed, pulling her face to his for a kiss before letting her head return to it's place on his chest. She was almost laying at a right angle to him, curled up across the bed with a foot sticking out the side, surprised by how comfortable it was. When they were both quiet they could hear Ember breathing, both glad to have their family together again.

**So I ended up sleeping all morning, after the dawn service which was absolutely beautiful. I attend the dawn service every year and usually there are only forty or so people (in my small country town) but today there were over two hundred. While it is important to commemorate the centenary of the Gallipoli landing I think we need to remember our service men and women every day... Sorry, I keep forgetting that I'm supposed to talk about the story! Not sure if I'll be able to update tomorrow so I tried to sum things up today for you :D **

**Oh and...If you're Aussie/Kiwi and have Anzac biscuits handy you should really try sandwiching two with peanut butter, it's amazing I promise.**


	119. Chapter 119

**This one is for Sandygirl, thank you so much :D**

Erin inhaled deeply and smiled before opening her eyes, she could feel her husband watching her, his grey blue eyes instantly meeting hers as a smile spread across his face. "Hey" He greeted softly as she blinked a few times to focus in the surprisingly bright room. The gap in the curtains and the angle of the sun streamed light onto her face. Kelly loved that he could see every tiny detail, the ordinarily invisible, tiny, soft hairs on her cheek catching the light just so.

"Hey" She smiled back, feeling the love in his gaze.

"You sleep alright?" He asked, unable to resist the temptation to stroke her cheek for any longer. His thumb almost feeling rough against her soft, sun warmed skin.

"Yeah" Erin nodded as she shifted slightly, bringing their bodies closer together, almost chest to chest.

"Did you have to get up?" He questioned tipping his head to gesture to Ember's crib.

"Twice. To feed her" She answered, shifting onto her elbow to get a better view, comforted by the sight of Ember's chest rising and falling. She had never been quite so thankful that she was alive, not happy or sleeping, just alive, that was the most important thing. Yet until a few days ago she had taken the miracle of life for granted.

"I checked on her a few minutes ago" He assured, fingers running down her arm as he tried to draw her attention back. She nodded absentmindedly, deep in thought, only looking back at him when his cold fingers reached the gap between her shirt and pants. Sliding his hand to the small of her back, pulling her even closer.

"Hi" Erin laughed softly, pressing her hands to his chest.

"Hi" He replied, smile disappearing for as he leaned in, she closed her eyes in anticipation before he kissed the tip of her nose. She had been expecting his lips on hers and felt disappointed for a moment. Returning the gesture by kissing his chin, smiling triumphantly as she pulled back to look at him. Narrowing his eyes and shaking his head, wondering if she had felt the same sudden rush of heat at such slight contact.

"I love you" She nodded, answering his unasked question. She was right, it was a feeling he could only describe as love.

"I love you more than anything" Kelly said seriously, holding her face in his hands before kissing her softly.

"Except the girls" She agreed.

"No. More than the girls, you made the girls, you're the reason we have girls" He justified, he didn't expect his words to have the effect they did. Her eyes glazed over and he could tell she was remembering Monday afternoon, while it was true he felt insensitive for saying it so bluntly. Girls. Forcing her to relieve what had to have been absolutely awful. He couldn't even imagine having to perform CPR on someone he loved. "Sorry" He apologised gently, regretting his choice of words not the meaning behind them.

"No, I'm sorry" She rejected, focusing on him for a little while wouldn't make her a bad mother so she looked over at Ember one last time. Surprising him with particularly forceful kiss when she turned back. Rolling him onto his back as she continued to kiss him, again and again, working to satisfy a hunger she didn't know she had. Kelly relaxed after a moment and started to kiss back properly, running his tongue across her teeth as she smiled before delving further into her mouth. Soft, warm and familiar. Over the last few weeks they had had plenty of opportunity to improve their technique, something they were both now thankful for.

"Oh" He gasped when he realised, astounded that he had been able to forget for even a single second.

"Mmm?" She questioned, sucking on his bottom lip for a second before allowing him to answer.

"Shower" He answered with a mischievous grin.

"I know I said last night…" She started stopping when his face transitioned from sad to angry. "No! I'm not saying no to sex you idiot! I'm just…she's asleep" She tried to explain, finding it hard not to laugh at his horrified expression. She understood that it had been far too long and she didn't want to wait another minute either. But she was hesitant to leave the room when Ember couldn't cry to get their attention.

"Okay" He approved immediately, she had been the one who had been against sex with a baby in the room in the first place. He didn't care.

"We'll just have to be quiet" She warned, raising her eyebrows challengingly though she had a feeling she was going to be the one to struggle to comply. Not only did he love making her moan he also knew exactly what he had to do to get one.

"It'll be fine, don't worry" He comforted though he was very much looking forward to making her squirm. He didn't have to look forward to it though, there was nothing stopping them so he promptly set about removing her shirt and rolling her onto her back. Supporting himself on his elbows over her, kissing her hungrily as she tugged at his shirt. Erin knew what he was going to do the moment they broke for air so she tried to resist for as long as she could. Burning lungs only heightening her senses further. It gave her the chance she needed, while he was recovering from the lack of oxygen she flipped them again. Starting on his neck even though she was still breathless, trailing kisses downward to the collar of his shirt. She caught his eye for a moment as she shifted further, mouth join her hands on his chest, pushing his shirt up and out of the way. Kelly hastily removed it, tossing it aside before running his hands up her arms, resting one hand on her shoulder while the other cupped her chin. Erin caught his wrist, kissed his palm then smiled at him before letting her teeth graze across his chest. He would normally have groaned at the exquisite sensation but conscious of her request for quiet he exhaled loudly instead. Thrilled by the control she had Erin continued to torture him with her mouth, hot breath evaporating the moist trail left by her tongue as she slowly continued down his body. "Babe" He whispered when he simply couldn't take it any longer.

"Shh" She instructed softly, running her fingers along the skin just above the waistband of his pyjama pants.

"Er…" He tried again after a moment.

"Shh!" She repeated more harshly. Kelly considered his options for a second, struggling to control himself and think at the same time. Then he sat forward, one hand found her arm while the other threaded fingers into her hair both pulling until their mouths met. A scorching battle of tongues and teeth, both seeking dominance. Utterly breathless Erin decided to relinquish control, curious to know what he would do. His hands found her waist, lifting her until she stood on her knees over him so he could tear away her pants. Kissing her chest as he pushed her pants further down her legs. Then he slid himself backwards, pulling her down over him and wriggling out of his pants. Erin gave a soft laugh at the strange but surprisingly effective shift then kicked her pants off completely. Grasping for the sheet she drew it up over them as she settled above him. His gentle questioning look made her heart race impossibly faster, shuddering in nervous anticipation at what came next. A single nod was all he needed, using every last ounce of self-control to enter her slowly, eyes locked with hers. Slow, then fast and now slow again, reading her carefully to provide exactly what she wanted. Gradually increasing the speed of his movements until her whispered stream of demands and expletives ceased, her mouth finding his. She hadn't forbidden all noise and moaning into his mouth did reduce the volume so she didn't hold back. They were never going to last long but Kelly still got to enjoy his favourite part, the moment of complete silence, breaths held, as they neared then plummeted over the edge.

A contented sigh left her lips as she relaxed completely, head resting under his chin, hands gripping his. Completely still for a long time, neither knew if the other was still awake, it would be understandable if they weren't. Kelly moved first, releasing her hands so he could wrap his arms around her. She moved then, kissing his chest as she turned her head to face the other way so she could see Ember if she lowered her chin. Erin didn't know if it was the knowledge that Ember was okay or her husband's fingers tracing random patters across her back that caused her to fall asleep. Watching her sleep again Kelly couldn't help but smile, she was so completely calm and peaceful, one corner of her mouth turned up in a lopsided smile. He twisted her hair around his fingers, hypnotised by the way the light danced with the movements of his fingers. A yawn coincided with Erin snuggling closer so he shifted to get comfortable, rolling to his side before letting sleep claim him.

Erin didn't know why but she woke up and looked over at Ember just as the baby woke, starting to wriggle and kick. Making soft mewling noises like a tiny kitten as she tried to cry. Kissing Kelly's chest before carefully slipping from his arms, Erin got up slowly. She picked up his shirt, pulling it on as she moved to the crib, smiling when Ember settled as soon as they made eye contact. "Morning bub" Erin greeted, kissing Ember's forehead as she lifted her up. Moving back to the bed she straightened the covers a little then sat down. With her knees bent she sat Ember up, holding her little hands and pulling faces until she smiled and grunted softly. She didn't expect Kelly to reach over and tickle her little tummy and immediately apologised for waking him.

"Don't be silly, I'd rather do this" He smiled, putting his hand out so Ember kicked at it.

"Okay" Erin accepted, shifting slightly to angle Ember towards her father.

"Well actually, when I think about it... I'd rather do this" He explained as he sat up, leaned over and kissed her. Erin smiled, kissing him again before turning her attention to the dribbling baby.

"Emmy, we love you. Yes, Mama loves you. And Daddy loves you. We love you lots and lots baby girl. We do, we really really do beautiful girl. How much? More than anything. To the moon and back, with all our hearts. Promise" Erin told her smiley baby, sitting forward to kiss her regularly.

"Em. Hey Emmy. Em bear" Kelly said, trying to get Ember's attention, only at the last name did she turn to look at him. "Little Miss Em Bear, I think we should tell Mummy that we love her too, lots and lots. More than anything. To the moon and back with all our hearts" He replied, trying to get Ember to hold her hand open long enough to look like she was blowing a kiss. It was hopeless and he decided to kiss his wife himself as a substitute.

"Thank you. I love you both too. What about Daddy Em? Do we love him? Do we?" Erin questioned as Ember grew more and more excited, arms and legs moving wildly. "We do. We love Daddy lots and lots. More than anything... To the moon and back with all our hearts hey? Yeah we really do!" She encouraged, turning to see Kelly watching her instead of Ember. "What?" She questioned when he continued to stare.

"You're beautiful" He shrugged, even after watching her most of the morning he was unable to look away. Her heart swelled at just how incredible he could make her feel with two words, he really was a perfect husband.

"Thank you. You're beautiful too. Or handsome. Or whatever word you use to describe the sexiest fireman in the entire world" She laughed, trying to be deep but struggling for the right word.

"I think handsome works" He answered with a laugh.

"Me too" She agreed, kissing him until she was sure he understood how thankful she was to have him.

"What about Em?" He questioned when she snuffled loudly, demanding their attention.

"Emmy? She's perfect... and hungry!" Erin described with ease surrendering a finger to the baby's mouth for the time being.

"Hungry? Better feed her then, I like having a chubba bubba" He declared looking appreciatively at his wife before gently poking Ember's little round belly.

"Hold her for a sec?" She requested.

"Absolutely, come here Em Bear the chub" He smiled, lifting the dribbling baby up, letting her stretch her legs and reflexively move them as if to walk on his chest. At first he didn't realise what his wife had done but looking across to see her topless, throwing his shirt back to the floor, definitely caught his attention. He had planned to spend time focusing on her incredible breasts earlier but she had taken control before he got the chance, smirking as he stared now. She had exposed herself for Ember though and given the last few days he didn't mind waiting his turn. Fascinated by the process as his wife took their baby, well practiced in getting her to latch and settle into a steady rhythm of sucking. He marveled at the beauty of the moment, seeing Erin with a baby seemed so natural, he had almost forgotten what she had been like before becoming a mother. And Ember, she was absolutely perfect in every way and he couldn't believe how much he loved her, how much love he was capable of containing. Between Erin, Shay and Ember he often wondered how his heart hadn't yet burst, in moments like these it certainly felt like it could.

"You okay?" Erin asked, questioning his deep, thoughtful expression as she ran her free hand over his cheek and along his jaw.

"Yeah" He nodded, still distant in thought.

"What ya thinkin' 'bout?" She enquired lazily, struggling to divide her attention between him and their daughter.

"I don't know. What are you thinking about?" He asked, turning the question on her because he simply couldn't put his feelings into words.

"This feeling, I've had it before but never as strong" She started to explain.

"Mmm?"

"Loved, I feel completely and totally loved. It's a wonderful feeling, unconditional love" She answered in barely a whisper. It was still a big thing for her, a feeling she hadn't experienced until as a teenager she'd been taken in by the Voights. The certainty of true unconditional love was something she had thought she'd lost with Camille. Hank loved her but he could never show it, not really.

"I guess I was thinking the same thing. I'm so lucky" He whispered back kissing his daughter's foot and his wife's shoulder in quick succession.

"Ugh...Em" She complained as the baby stopped eating for a moment only to bring up everything she had consumed. Ember's pyjama's soaked up most of the baby vomit but Kelly was quick to get up and find a burp cloth. "So lucky" Erin laughed as she accepted it, wiping Ember's chin before spreading the cloth across her chest. Removing her baby's damp clothes, soaked through to her skin already. Kelly took the soiled pyjama's and singlet, hanging them on the edge of the washing basket to dry before returning to the bed. Erin had pulled the sheet up, holding it under her arms as she sat forward, staring down at their baby. The crisp white diaper made the purple and black bruises on her chest stand out, a side effect of the CPR that had saved her life.

"She's okay" He assured, pulling a tiny white singlet from the top drawer before moving to put it on Ember. Erin gave him a look of disgust and he didn't need words to know what she was trying to say. Covering them doesn't mean they aren't there. She refused to take Ember back, shaking her head as she got up and rushed to the bathroom. He listened as the shower started to run and realised she wasn't coming back any time soon. Ember had already started to cry with hunger so he got dressed and took her downstairs to bottle feed her. Unlike with Shay, Ember was so hungry that she didn't care about the foreign plastic device, as long as her belly was filled she would be happy. Kelly joined Shay and Chase on the couch, the pair eating french toast and strawberries while watching the latest adventures of Dora and Diego. As Ember started to drift to sleep he left the loud room, Shay particularly fond of the interactive element of the cartoon, heading back upstairs to snuggle with her in bed. She couldn't quite drain the contents of the bottle before she fell asleep. He didn't often get time alone with her so a few quiet minutes was something he was especially thankful for.

Erin emerged from the bathroom feeling much better, though Kelly could instantly tell she'd been crying. His heart ached for her and he wished he had been able to follow her, to convince her that the bruises, that **none** of it, was her fault. Only comforted when she joined them on the bed once dressed. Her white shirt matching the sheets and Ember's singlet in a way that made them both think of fancy family photos. The type found in magazines, real life far too messy for that much white. Relaxing together they let their eyes do the talking, professing their love for each other as loudly and clearly as words could. Everything changed so very suddenly as Erin's eyes drifted away, spotting the unfamiliar object on the bedside table, feeling betrayed. For some reason she had assumed he had settled Ember himself, holding her and rocking her to sleep not feeding her with cold sterile plastic, completely replacing her. She knew it was stupid so she got up, collecting washing on her way downstairs, distracting herself with housework. With Ember in her crib he went after her, desperate to talk things through and at least force her to eat some breakfast, though it was nearing lunchtime.

"Kelly?" Chase questioned as the older man passed the lounge room doorway, about to follow Erin up the stairs to strip sheets from beds for more washing.

"Yep?" Kelly asked, stopping on the spot.

"Can we build a blanket fort?" Chase asked hopefully, he'd spent hours planning and constructing them then hours dreaming inside as a child. If he was forced to say another word of Spanish he was sure he would explode so it was time to turn off the television and provide Shay with something else to do regardless.

"Yeah, sure. Of course. Use whatever you want from the linen closet" He agreed before rushing upstairs to catch up, shadowing Erin all morning. Shay and Chase had so much fun working together, laughter echoing through the house as they played with blankets, sheets, pillows and cushions. Kelly provided them with lunch, leaving Erin at the table to join them in their tent-like structure. Erin was determined to resist the urge to crawl in there with them and forget the last few days. Something she managed right up until Kelly collected Ember from her sleep, changing her diaper before taking her into their sanctuary. It wasn't long before her tiny croaky shrieks of laughter joined theirs and Erin's resolve faded. Feeling foolish for not realising sooner that she was causing herself unnecessary stress, she couldn't change the past, couldn't predict the future, but could enjoy the moment. "This is a positive space" Kelly explained as one of their rules when Erin sought to enter.

"I know" She agreed, glad for Chase's superior construction abilities when she squeezed in, leaning heavily against a wall in the confined space. If she had been feeling the love in bed that morning she was feeling twice as much in the blanket fort. Chase and Shay joining them in openly declaring their love for each other, snuggling together and talking until dinner time.

**I almost gave up and went to sleep halfway through writing this but seeing as I won't be able to update tomorrow I thought I'd better give you something. This week is really busy for me, I'm studying Education (I don't think I've told you that before) and it's my first practical placement at a school! **

**I hope you didn't think I overdid the love in this chapter. I thought it was important for them to reassess their priorities given recent events. I wish I could have gone into more detail regarding their afternoon, but like I said above, I'm falling asleep here. Thank you and good night :D**


	120. Chapter 120

**Did you miss me? Because I did. I have no idea what happened but everything kind of fell apart for me this week and I've been trying really hard to put it back together. It's not my practical placement, thought that has been a struggle because my supervisor/mentor isn't the type of teacher I ever want to be. My personal life is challenging and the crossover crushed my soul in a way I never thought possible. I guess this could be called my very first case of writers block, though I have written plenty in the last week. I just didn't like any of it and the backspace key became my best friend and an easy out. It's taken me three days to write this tiny little scene and I know it isn't great but I just needed to post something so you know I'm still here. I'm trying. You have been incredibly patient and I'm thankful for that, please bear with me. **

"Is the princess of the castle ready for bed?" Erin asked, voice muffled by the walls of the blanket fort.

"Yes Mama!" Shay answered quickly, bouncing up and down at the opening of the blanket fort.

"How about Chase the court jester?" She questioned next, working frantically to ready the small space from the impending invasion.

"Ready" Chase nodded seriously, lining up behind Shay.

"Ready Mama!" Shay corrected, turning on him as she pulled a face.

"Ready Mum" Chase amended quickly, using a hand on the top of Shay's head to force her to face the right way.

"What about Daddy…the uh…" Erin attempted, falling short when it came to thinking of a role for her husband in their little castle. The roll call was an attempt to buy more time, straightening the blankets and pillows she had stripped from their beds. Furnishing their castle for the night.

"Prime Minister?" Chase suggested, scratching his head as he tried to think of a better idea, Shay was in charge so Kelly couldn't outrank her by becoming king.

"You know what? Daddy can be the dragon" She announced triumphantly.

"Yes Daddy dragon!" Shay agreed.

"Daddy dragon is ready for bed and so is Em Bear" Kelly supplied impatiently, it was obvious she was working hard and he wondered if she needed help.

"Why bear?" Shay questioned, struggling to see the logic behind the choice.

"They have bears in castles" Kelly explained quickly, ignoring the fact that they were usually stuffed on pedestals or on the floor as bear skin rugs.

"Mamaaaa" Shay complained, reaching for the blanket that hung across the entrance to their castle.

"Alright, ready" Erin nodded as she poked her head out, smiling at the childishness of what they were about to do, squash into a blanket fort for the night. It had been her idea to start with, but the moment she suggested it to Kelly and Chase it had become a concrete plan. They had worked hard to make sure the construction wouldn't fall in on them as they slept while she had taken the girls upstairs for their baths. "One little princess" Erin smiled as she moved aside, holding the blanket out of the way as Shay entered, squealing with delight before flopping down on her pillow. Chase was next crawling on his hands and knees to the far side where his pillow was placed. Kelly handed Ember to his wife before crawling in himself. The fort had seemed spacious when they were sitting up but as they lay down it was cosy to the point of overcrowded.

"Shay, there isn't enough room for you to be a starfish" Chase complained, always surprised by Shay's ability to take up as much space as an adult.

"Yeah you're going to have to move over or I'm not going to fit" Erin added, waiting until there was more room before lying down. Chase pulled Shay, already tangled in her blankets, until they were almost touching. Kelly shifted slightly making space for his wife to lay down, Ember content to sleep on her mother's chest.

"Better?" Kelly asked as they shifted into comfortable sleeping positions.

"Yep" Erin nodded as he slipped a hand in under her, pulling her against his side.

"Now what?" Chase asked after almost a whole minute of silent, soft breathing the only sound that could be heard in the blanket fort.

"Now we sleep" Erin answered, snuggling closer to her husband as she closed her eyes.

"Story!" Shay complained, unwilling to break with her normal bedtime routine when it came to story time.

"You didn't bring a book" Erin reasoned with a shrug, hoping the toddler would accept that she couldn't have everything. It was well past her bedtime and moving out of the way so she could get out would render their efforts to get comfortable useless.

"I get one?" Shay asked, even without opening her eyes to look she could tell the toddler was ready to cry if she didn't get her own way.

"What about if I tell you a story Shay?" Chase offered.

"Yes please" Shay nodded, rolling to face him, waiting as he tried to think of a story to tell. It didn't take him long and soon he was telling the story of how he had come to join their family using fantasy characters. The evil dragon who liked to hurt people stood for his substance abuse issues and subsequent debt while the good dragon and female knight were his new parents, defeating the evil dragon once and for all. They were always accompanied by two little princesses for the great big adventure that was their life. The moral of the story was that they could overcome anything together as a family.

"Thank you Chase" Erin smiled when he finished, pleased to see that Shay had settled down and would hopefully be able to get to sleep.

"Thank you Chasey" Shay agreed, moving to hug him tightly.

"Thanks man" Kelly added so that Chase knew he had appreciated the sentiment as well.

"Does anyone need anything before I turn the light off?" Erin questioned as she transferred Ember to her husband's chest. No one said anything so she got up and flicked the switch, it had been dim in the blanket fort but now it was completely dark. A few minutes of whispers and yawns later they were all trying to get to sleep. Shay quickly drifted off leaving the three adults alone with their thoughts, a dangerous thing. They had all experienced the same rush of relief when Ember had been discharged from the hospital but it had quickly worn off, replaced by the harsh realisation that they weren't, and had never been in control. It was something they had to accept while changing what they could to ensure they never felt the same hopeless dread again.

Kelly had quickly identified something he could change, making a call early in the afternoon to negotiate a few days off. He needed time with his family. He hated that he hadn't been there when his wife and daughters needed him the most, quite hypocritical considering how desperate he had been to stop Erin blaming herself. It was difficult to know that he hadn't truly appreciated his family and the life they had built until he had almost lost an integral component. His girls were his everything and it was time to stop thinking it and start showing it.

In the darkness, alone with her thoughts it was easy for Erin to find the thing she should really be blaming herself for, her greatest flaw. Wasting energy hating herself when she could be using it to love her family. Her mid-morning breakdown had forced her to think, and she was now strangely proud of the deep purple bruises across Ember's chest. It had been an instinctive reaction to initiate CPR to save her baby, she had good instincts and they made her a good mother. She didn't need to think, she needed to let go, to relax and trust herself. It wasn't going to be easy but she was going to give it everything she had.

Chase knew the world was cruel, he had experienced it firsthand on many occasions. He had never felt like this though, perhaps because he had never had as much to lose. Determined to protect his family to his last breath he started to think of the bigger picture. Everyone deserved someone looking out for them the way he would his family. Being a fireman was part of that but it wasn't enough, there was more he could do and given time he would come up with a way to channel his energy efficiently.

They knew what they needed to do but for the moment they just needed to be together and to sleep. Erin clung to her husband, one hand on Ember's back and one leg up and over his, keeping him close. Kelly didn't know what motivated him or how it happened in the complete darkness but he reached across and found Chase's hand waiting. Then there was a perfectly timed collective sigh as they closed their eyes.


	121. Chapter 121

Once again Molly's bar was decked out in pink to celebrate the arrival of a baby Severide, all that was missing were the guests. Even though it was a Friday night the three owners had been happy to close the bar to the public such that the Severide's could host a family friendly party. Reverting to the same layout they had used the first time the tables at the front were covered with pink plastic table cloths. A stack of colouring books and a container with crayons, pencils and markers were waiting along with a box of Lego to entertain the children. The pink theme continued through the establishment and Erin couldn't help but smile, a vase of vibrant pink gerberas had been waiting on the bar when she'd arrived. She had never liked the colour as a child, rebelling against the girly stereotype, or simply rebelling because she could, having girls had changed that. Frilly dresses, fairy wings, tights, sparkly shoes and headbands were now an unavoidable part of her life, and she wouldn't change that for anything. The girls would be getting dressed right about now she realized as she checked her phone, not too much longer. Spinning on the spot, looking over her afternoons work the glittering paint on the banner caught her attention. Some of the hardest days of her life had occurred in the last six weeks but she still couldn't believe they hadn't officially introduced Ember to their friends and family.

"Woah!" Gabby commented as she entered the familiar space, eyebrows raised at the transformation Erin had managed in just a few hours. Giving her the keys had been the easiest way to organize the event, given she had been busy with Aiden teething. Just like Erin she had left her child home with her husband, arriving early to render assistance.

"Is it okay? I didn't go overboard?" Erin checked, smile disappearing as she started to doubt herself. The hundred glittering pink coasters she'd found online now sat waiting along the bar and on the raised tables, there was nothing wrong with the ones they usually used but she wanted it to be special.

"It's great, absolutely perfect, you've done a wonderful job" Gabby assured, taking a moment to look around.

"Are you sure?" Erin questioned anxiously, she had left her girls at home to decorate and she hoped it was worth it.

"Yes, don't worry. You want a drink?" Gabby asked, rounding the bar.

"Hmm?" Erin asked, she had heard the questioned but sought clarification.

"A drink?" Gabby repeated unscrewing the cap on a bottle of beer.

"No thanks, I'm still breastfeeding" Erin supplied with a small smile as she slid onto a barstool across from Gabby, checking her phone again.

"Oh. Right. Sorry" Gabby apologized immediately, shaking her head at her own thoughtlessness. Aiden's fussiness and the resulting sleep deprivation were seriously effecting her ability to function.

"Don't be. I'll just drink sparkling apple juice out of a wine glass and pretend" Erin laughed reaching for the bottle and accepting a wine glass from Gabby before pouring her own drink.

"Well if it helps at all I think this is probably a bad idea" Gabby admitted as she held up the bottle, glasses clinking together before they both drank.

"How is the little man?" Erin enquired after a long pause, thinking and sipping her drink.

"Teething" Gabby groaned, knowing she didn't need to say more.

"In which case that's understandable, keep drinking" Erin encouraged with a sympathetic smile.

"How are the girls?" Gabby asked in return.

"They're both alright" Erin supplied.

"Ember?" Gabby questioned, she hadn't been sure what to do when she'd heard about Ember's hospitalization. Other than a supportive text message she had decided to give them space.

"She's absolutely fine, coping better than we are I think" Erin reflected quietly, it hadn't even been a week but she just wanted it all to go away. She wanted to be able to close her eyes and not see Ember, blue and lifeless in her car seat. She wanted to be able to leave her without reminding people on correct CPR procedures.

"I can't even imagine" Gabby almost whispered, she could imagine though and the thought alone hurt.

"She's okay now. I hope…" Erin nodded nervously, retrieving her phone from her pocket to check for messages again. She had been very insistent when it came to Kelly and Chase having fully charged phones, just in case they needed to contact her in an emergency.

"Oh, I'm sorry" Gabby sighed, feeling particularly insensitive to have brought up something so unpleasant right before the party.

"It's just the first time I've left her. She's been in the sling all week" Erin explained, setting her phone down on the polished wooden surface of the bar.

"She'll be totally fine. How's your big boy? I heard him calling you Mum when I stopped by the firehouse the other day" Gabby commented, quickly changing the subject to something lighter.

"Chase? He's great" Erin replied, just thinking about their goofy adult child made her smile. His endless ability to entertain Shay and make both girls giggle and smile with nothing more than a look seemed like a superpower at times.

"And you're okay with him calling you Mum?" Gabby questioned, not sure how she would feel if she were in Erin's shoes.

"Yeah, I mean I know he's twenty-two and not my kid but he's family, I love him" Erin revealed seriously.

"I love you too" Chase replied unexpectedly as he pushed through the door, carrying Ember in her car seat and leading the way for Shay, Kelly following behind. Both women turned to look at the group. "The guest of honour has arrived" Chase announced as he handed Ember over to her mother, who quickly placed the car seat on the table to take the baby out. Straightening Ember's little pink dress as she lifted her up, the dress Shay had worn wouldn't have fitted their big baby the day she was born but Erin had found a similar one for the special occasion.

"I love your wings Shay" Gabby smiled as she moved to greet her goddaughter with a hug.

"I fairy princess" Shay explained, trying to turn and look at her own wings before reaching up to adjust the butterfly hairclip and smoothing her tutu following the hug. "Mama, Dada letted me wear my pretty princess bracewet" Shay added as she turned to her mother, holding out her arm to show off the bracelet Chase had bought her for her birthday.

"Very pretty" Erin nodded in acknowledgement, smiling at both men to thank them. The girls were both dressed in the clothes she had set out, though Shay had clearly accessorized herself, and they were both happy.

"Daddy said I could drink pink bubbles" Shay reminded, looking from her father to her mother the way she often did when she was telling on him in for doing the wrong thing.

"Yeah you can, but not until the party starts" Erin agreed, hoping to limit her sugary drink consumption.

"When that?" Shay asked, frowning at the injustice, she wanted to drink pink bubbles straight away. They never had fizzy drinks at home but she loved the tickly sensation of the bubbles in her nose.

"When people start arriving" Erin explained just as the door was pushed open to admit the Herrmann's, the two adults ushering their five children into the building.

"Ken-Ken" Shay squealed, rushing over to greet her friends, Kenny wasn't nearly as impressed by Shay's wings and bracelet as Josie was. The little girls talking excitedly while Kenny followed the older boys to the table with the Lego. Gabby asked the men to help her carry some boxes from the storeroom leaving Cindy and Erin to watch the children and catch up.

"She's beautiful" Cindy smiled as she moved to get a better look at the sleeping baby.

"Do you want to hold her?" Erin offered, yet to discuss the role of godmother with Cindy, now seemed like a pretty good opportunity.

"Of course" Cindy nodded immediately, she didn't get to hold babies very often now that her own children were growing up. Ember woke as she was transferred from her mother's to her soon-to-be godmother's arms but didn't cry, returning the smile instead. "She's so precious, are you sure I can't keep her?" Cindy questioned hopefully. "I hear she's been causing you some trouble…"

"I'm sure you can't have her. The trouble's all worth it for that smile. Isn't it Em?" Erin answered quickly, taking one of Ember's hands as she spoke to the baby, only making her smile grow.

"I suppose I'll just have to make do looking after her when you go back to work" Cindy sighed, though it was early days she was still looking forward to having the little girls in her care, it was awfully lonely with just Kenny at home.

"Does that mean you're not interested in being her godmother?" Erin questioned softly, smiling at the way Cindy's expression changed from confused to excited in an instant.

"Really?" Cindy asked cautiously.

"Yeah. You taught me almost everything I know about babies, and you've always been there for me and Shay" Erin explained, there was so much more she wanted to say but she could feel herself getting emotional so she conveyed the rest with a look.

"Thank you" Cindy said softly to Erin before turning her attention to Ember. "Hello beautiful girl, I am always going to be here for you, but you've got to stop scaring us."

"Mama?" Shay questioned, tugging on her mother's pants.

"Yes Shay?" Erin replied as she looked down at Shay, noticing she had given her wings to Josie.

"We have pink bubbles now?" Shay asked hopefully. "Please Mama."

"Okay" Erin agreed, checking that Cindy was alright with Ember before making her way to the bar, pouring pink lemonade into plastic cups for the girls. Then carrying some over to the table for the boys at the same time. "Sorry, are they allowed…" Erin questioned on her way back, realizing she should have asked permission before distributing soft drink to the five Herrmann kids.

"Yeah, Nate asked for a soda stream for his birthday. It was the only thing he wanted so we couldn't say no. We've relaxed the rules a little and it doesn't seem to make any difference to their behavior" Cindy shrugged. Erin returned the bottle of lemonade and stack of cups to the bar then was distracted by greeting the new arrivals. Antonio and Alvin arrived with their families followed by Matt and Aiden then more of the intelligence unit. She didn't know how it happened but seconds after arriving Hank had his youngest granddaughter in his arms, leaving Cindy to make sure the boys were sharing the Lego with Diego and Vinessa. Kim and Adam arrived together, followed by Platt and Mouch, Nadia and Katie then the rest of their firehouse fifty-one family. Erin quickly left the conversation she was having with Katie and Nadia when Sharon, Bryce and Caitlin arrived. Just like at Kelly and Shay's birthday parties they felt a little out of place amongst all of the police, firemen and paramedics. Erin quickly introduced them to everyone, Bryce joined the men at the bar while Sharon met Cindy and started a conversation. Ember was quickly returned to her mother when she started to cry, Russ apologizing as he handed over the baby.

"Are you having fun baby?" Erin questioned as she took Ember through to the bathroom to change her diaper. Ember cooed softly in response, fussing when she was placed on the change table. "It's your party, everyone is here for you because they all love you. I love you more of course" She explained as she pulled Ember's tights back on, clapping her feet together as she babbled. "You hungry? I don't really want to go back out there. I don't want to share you. You're all mine gorgeous girl" She nodded, packing everything back into the diaper bag before folding away the change table and pulling the chair away from the door so she could sit down to feed Ember.

"Er? Is everything okay?" Kelly questioned through the door a little while later, worried that changing a diaper was taking so long.

"Yeah" Erin confirmed smiling as he hesitantly pushed open the door to look in and check on them.

"You don't have to sit in here to feed her, nobody cares" He guaranteed, she didn't normally worry about breastfeeding in front of friends and family so he knew something was wrong.

"I know. I just wanted some quiet time" She explained softly as she encouraged Ember to focus on feeding instead of squirming to see the source of the familiar voice.

"You sure you're alright? Did someone say something?" He asked, preemptively angry.

"No. I'm good, I promise" She assured, smiling broadly to make her point.

"Can I stay?" He enquired, still not satisfied.

"If you want" She accepted though she would have preferred being left alone. Leaving Ember, even just for a few hours, had been incredibly stressful and she didn't want to let her go ever again. It had been hard to keep up the pretense as her baby was passed from one person to another, though that was the purpose of the party.

"I love you" He smiled, moving to stand next to them, resting a hand on his wife's shoulder comfortingly.

"I love you too. And I trust you completely…but leaving her this afternoon… was really hard" Erin explained, voice cracking as she tried hard not to cry. Ember was fine and she knew it, only making her feel pathetic.

"I know, I knew it was going to be. I didn't think you'd be able to but you did and I am so proud of you" He answered gently, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "There's a reason I took the week off work, I couldn't do it either. I didn't want to leave Em and I didn't want to leave you. But you're so much stronger than you think. We're going to have a nice quiet weekend then I'm going to go back to work so we can get back to normal okay?" He asked pulling her up for just long enough to slide in under her, holding her on his lap as she continued to feed Ember.

"Okay" She agreed, his certainty was calming.

"I'm going to take Shay and Chase skating in the morning, so you can have some time with Emmy. Or I can take her to Cindy or Katie and Nadia if you want to sleep…" He suggested after brushing her hair aside to kiss her neck.

"I just want some time with her" Erin answered, preferring the first suggestion, a nice morning in bed or on the couch with Ember.

"Ah…That's why you're hiding in here, sorry" He apologized as he realized, rubbing his hands up and down her arms to encourage her to get up so he could fulfil her desire to be alone.

"I'm glad you're here" Erin smiled, turning as far as she could, capturing his lips for a moment before looking deeply into his eyes. Then his mouth found her neck, kissing, biting and sucking tenderly until her head fell back, granting him greater access. It was an interesting position to be found in.

"Oh! There they are, I told you we'd find them" Gabby announced as she led Shay into the room, tear streaks running down her rosy little cheeks.

"What happened?" Erin questioned, concern for Shay tearing away the bandaid that their moment of peace and calm had been.

"I losted you…" Shay sniffled, trying to climb up onto her mother's lap.

"Don't squish Daddy" Gabby laughed as she intervened, lifting Shay to her hip as her parents both shifted. Kelly kissing his wife once more before moving out from under her, taking Shay who continued to cry. "Sorry" Gabby added quickly before leaving the little family alone in the bathroom.

"It's alright baby, you found us" Kelly comforted as he rubbed Shay's back.

"Not you Daddy... I losted Mama 'gain" Shay complained, twisting to watch as her mother fastened her bra and straightened her dress.

"You didn't lose me, I was just in here feeding Emmy" Erin explained as she took Shay's hand, kissing the back of her hand before adjusting her hold on Ember.

"Mm" Shay frowned as she crossed her arms across her chest.

"What's wrong?" Erin questioned. She understood Shay's extra separation anxiety given the way she really had been lost at the hospital but was confused as to why the toddler was still annoyed after finding her.

"No" Shay grumbled as she wriggled her way down to the ground, struggling with the heavy door until her father helped then waving them out of the room.

"We were starting to wonder where you went!" Adam commented with a laugh as they returned to the bar. Shay used her mother's concern to demand more pink lemonade, spilling it down her front as she ran to see what she was missing out on. Otis and Cruz had befriended Will Halstead and were at the front entertaining the children, making them laugh as they crashed their Lego planes into each other. Erin and Kelly stopped with the intelligence unit to talk. Erin didn't say anything but no one asked to hold Ember, her body language incredibly possessive, clutching the infant to her chest with both hands.

"Speeches?" Chris asked as he walked past, tapping his watch to indicate it was getting late. Erin nodded and upon returning to the bar he turned off the music, drawing everyone's attention.

"Hi…uh… We just wanted to thank you all for coming. It means a lot to us, especially Emmy" Erin started, stepping forward so that she wasn't too near any of the tables. "Even though she's six weeks old we haven't really had the chance to introduce her or to name her godparents." She continued, laughing as they raised a toast for Ember the moment she stopped talking.

"Chase is her big brother and godfather, because families are messy like that. And Cindy we'd love it if you'd take special care of this one as her godmother" Kelly finished, speaking from the heart even if it was only briefly. After toasting each godparent and Ember's good health they were ready to start the music and continue the party but Cindy had something to say.

"We all love you and your beautiful girls, and you throw the best parties, so we decided it was about time we did something for you. This is a voucher for a two hour session with a family photographer, good luck getting the girls to cooperate for that long. Professional photos are always better and babies grow so fast you'll need something to help you remember how small they were" Cindy explained with a smile, handing over the voucher before accepting Erin and Ember's hug.

"Thank you" Kelly smiled at everyone before hugging Cindy himself, they might all have contributed but it had definitely been their idea. With that the party continued, Erin sat with her former colleagues while Kelly roamed between groups of friends, the bar, and, the children's tables. Soon the Herrmann's left, followed by the Dawson's, Casey's and Atwater's, leaving Shay to quietly colour a Frozen picture with Caitlin. Shay was moved to the bar when her friend left half an hour later, scribbling away as her parents made eye contact, questioning if it was time to leave. "Time to go?" Kelly asked as he stopped beside his wife.

"Waiting for…Chase" She explained, cut off by a yawn.

"Bathroom?" He asked as he looked around for the young man, unable to see him.

"Storeroom, with Nadia" Erin supplied with a small smile, having watched them leave hand in hand.

"Why don't you head home? I'll wait for him" He proposed, digging the car keys from his pocket.

"No, I'm good" She shook her head, just the thought of being alone in the car with the girls again woke her up.

"You're tired, go home" He instructed firmly.

"No" She insisted.

"Fine, I'll go hurry him up" He threatened, she shrugged and he realized he would actually have to go through with it. Swallowing hard as he started down the corridor, feeling incredibly awkward given they were all adults. Almost relieved to hear Chase and Nadia arguing loudly through the door. He stopped to listen for a moment, Chase wanted to do something and Nadia was telling him that it was a stupid idea. When Kelly realized what he was doing he knocked twice and rushed back out to the table. The pair followed a few minutes later, looking surprisingly pleased with each other given the frustration Kelly had heard in their voices. They hugged cautiously then went their separate ways, Nadia joining Katie at the bar while Chase collected Shay and caught up with his family at the door. After a quick, general goodbye to everyone, they headed out to the car. Eager to get home to bed. Overall the party had been everything they had wanted it to be.

**Feeling much better today :D Hope you liked the chapter and thanks again for your patience and support. **

**Daisyangel: I haven't forgotten your request but I'm having a little trouble fitting it in with what I have planned. I'll try to get it in sometime this week.**


	122. Chapter 122

Some mornings were undeniably better than others. For Erin, waking up next to her husband automatically made a morning better. However, since he had taken the week off work the novelty had dissipated to a degree. For Kelly it had become quite clear that Shay had inherited her tendency to occupy the entire bed from her mother. He didn't mind having Erin sprawled across two thirds of the bed, but he didn't appreciate being woken by her fist. Thumping down on his chest as she rolled from her side to her back, the first sign she was regaining consciousness. Kelly groaned, frowning before he even opened his eyes, expecting an apology for the rude awakening. However, his wife slept on, oblivious, using her grip on his shirt to pull herself to his side and snuggle against him. It was usually hard to hold a grudge, especially when he took in her utterly relaxed sleeping face, but as she woke slowly, almost blissful given her uninterrupted sleep, he couldn't help it. A dimpled smile formed as she opened her eyes, Kelly sighed frustratedly in response and scrunched his eyes closed, pretending to sleep as she blinked to focus. Erin could have sworn she'd seen a flash of blue but wasn't certain enough to risk waking him. Instead she cuddled closer and closed her eyes, content to doze until his alarm sounded.

Neither of them could get back to sleep, thoughts of the day ahead, the uncertainty of when the alarm would force them out of bed and suspicions about the other's state of consciousness keeping them awake. Boredom overcame them and soon they were both stealing glances, cracking open an eye just enough to get a glimpse of the other. When, inevitably, they made eye contact they both shied away, a deep sense of being caught doing the wrong thing hitting each of them. From there it became a game, with undefined rules but a definite sense of competition. Struggling to stifle laughter as they rapidly transitioned from staring to 'sleeping'. In the end Erin decided to claim victory, waiting until her husband's eyes were closed before shifting as quietly as possible over him, noses almost touching. Kelly could feel her breath on his face but managed to keep a neutral expression until he opened his eyes, returning her grin immediately. Mornings that started without words were the best, their own language of looks followed closely by a series of wake up kisses. Heart rates accelerating from resting to thudding with exhilaration.

"I don't want to get up" Kelly grumbled between kisses when he knocked his phone from the bedside table as he tried to silence the insistent alarm. The moment the piercing sound was gone his mouth returned to hers, ignoring the call to action, he would much rather stay in bed with his beautiful wife. It was the weekend after all.

"So don't" Erin shrugged as she moved further onto his chest, until all her weight rested on him.

"I have to take Shay skating" He breathed against her cheek before turning his head a fraction to meet her lips. The reluctance in his voice made her smile into his mouth, the ability to turn something he wanted to do into a chore, made her feel powerful. Erin had no issue delaying the routine Saturday morning outing, kissing him until she saw stars and felt like she was flying. Dizziness hit them both, intoxicated by the taste and feel their heightened senses delivered. Hands with minds of their own exploring warm, soft skin despite having memorised each other's bodies long ago. Erin drew her teeth across her bottom lip and the force of her husband's response shocked her slightly, mouths connecting as he rolled atop her, his substantial mass pressing so firmly against her that he stole the air from her lungs. Her soft frown satisfying Kelly's need for revenge, a moment of discomfort just like the one her fist had supplied. Taking his weight with his elbows after a moment, letting her catch her breath before she encouraged him to continue his assault, gripping his tensed biceps.

"You should go" She panted when the sound of movement in the next room made her think of Shay. Her brain kicking into gear making the tables turn completely in seconds. Shay had been through enough in the last week that it didn't seem at all fair to keep her from doing something she loved.

"Mmm" He agreed with a serious nod before his willpower waned and he found himself grasping her hands, holding them either side of her head as he kissed her fervently.

"No" She argued as he sought to remove her shirt, it was hard to be firm when she wanted his hands and lips to roam across her body. Kelly would never force her do anything against her will but he noted her hesitance and continued regardless of her verbal request. Taking advantage of her conflicted state he pulled her shirt higher as she tried to reason with herself.

"I. Don't. Want. To. Go" Kelly countered, punctuating each word with a searing kiss. He didn't want to go and deep down she wanted him to stay, so he did. He silenced any thoughts she had to the contrary by preventing her from speaking with an onslaught of rapid kisses. Feeling accomplished when he worked her shirt up over her head and felt her hands tugging at his.

"Mornin'!" Shay announced as she threw open the door, unfazed by her parents actions for as long as she remained their center of attention. Two pairs of eye fixed on the toddler as she bounced across the room towards the bed.

"Good morning beautiful girl" Erin laughed as she sat up, pulling the sheet around herself while Kelly flopped face down on his pillow, struggling to balance amusement at the toddlers timing with immense sexual frustration.

"Daddy up" Shay demanded as she made her way onto the bed then onto his back, completely ignoring her mother's greeting.

"Say good morning to your mother" Kelly instructed firmly, requiring a few more minutes to compose himself. It wasn't intentional but as Shay shifted forward, to sit between his shoulder blades, her foot collided with his head. He groaned far more dramatically than the minor bump warranted and Shay was quick to scramble off his back.

"Sorry Daddy. Mornin' Mama" Shay smiled as she shifted onto her mother's lap, cuddling against her shoulder in a hug.

"How did you sleep?" Erin asked Shay, smoothing Shay's wild bed hair.

"Goodly... Roary went on a 'vencha but" Shay answered, pushing away from her mother so she could tell the story properly.

"Where did Roary go?" Erin questioned encouragingly when she looked across to see that Kelly was yet to move.

"He felled down the wall to the underbed" Shay explained dramatically, using her hands to indicate a very large fall.

"Oh, could you rescue him?" She enquired, interest piqued.

"Yep, but I gotted to move them boxes first" Shay added with a tired sigh, indicating that it had been difficult to do. The heavy boxes of clothes and toys conveniently stored under her bed had been quite an obstacle in her rescue mission.

"You moved the boxes... Did you put them back?" Erin asked, though she knew it wasn't likely. She was quite surprised that Shay hadn't burst into their room sooner, demanding help to move them in the first place.

"Nope. Sorry Mama my room messy piggy sty" Shay shrugged, it had been absolutely vital to recover Roary the moment she realised what had happened. The state of her room had been the farthest from her mind as determination consumed her.

"As long as Roary's okay that's all that matters" She nodded. Erin had been meaning to get out some toys for Ember and Roary's adventure had provided the motivation she had been lacking.

"Him need bandaid" Shay suggested, trying to look sad and serious in order to convince her mother.

"Really?" She questioned, hesitant give Shay what she wanted unless she really had to.

"Yep" Shay was quick to answer.

"What for?"

"Ouchy?" Shay provided hopefully, sitting up on her knees as she waited for confirmation or denial of her request.

"You go get him and I'll get a bandaid" Erin conceded, Shay's smile would be worth it.

"Okay!" Shay agreed, nodding enthusiastically at the proposal. She loved sticking purple Tinkerbell bandaids to her fury friend, though the adhesive residue often meant a ride in the washing machine and dryer. "Mama?" Shay started as she climbed off the bed.

"Yeah?" She answered, taking a moment to ruffle her husband's hair before turning to the toddler.

"You room messy piggy sty too! 'Cause you dropped this" Shay announced as she held up her mother's pyjama shirt.

"Mhmm. Thank you for picking it up for me" Erin acknowledged, holding out her hand.

"No it washing" Shay argued, trying to impress her mother by putting something away.

"Not yet. Can I please have my shirt?" She asked seriously.

"No Mama, dirt clothes washin'" Shay explained, moving towards the washing basket while wondering how her mother could have forgotten something so basic.

"It's not dirty"

"Why on floor?" Shay demanded, eyebrows raised the same way her mother's did when she suspected she wasn't being told the truth. Holding the shirt out over the washing basket, threatening to release it at any moment.

"I dropped it" Erin reiterated, thinking they had already established that it had been dropped.

"Why?" Shay persisted, loosening her grip slightly to let the shirt slip closer to falling. Erin wondered why she was hovering at the edge of the bed over a shirt.

"Well... It was dark and I was feeding Emmy so I took it off and dropped it" She lied. "But I want it back. Now" She instructed firmly, letting Shay know her game was over.

"You silly Mama" Shay shook her head as she made her way back to the bed and handed the shirt over. Quickly remembering what she was supposed to be doing and running from the room to retrieve Roary.

"She's so cheeky" Kelly chuckled as he shifted behind his wife, having sat up to watch the exchange, trying to hide his smile. While Shay's lion rescue had made him think she'd make a great addition to an elite fire fighting squad he now suspected she would be better off as a supervillan.

"She gets it from you. You should know better than to drop my shirt" Erin laughed as she pulled the garment on, getting up to find a bandaid in the bathroom before the toddler returned and accused her of being lazy as well. "She's smart too, the other day she was telling me that Roary is Simba and Nala's baby, she knows because he's a lion. Though the first time she said it she called him a liar so I had to correct her" She continued as she made her way back to the bed.

"When was that?" He enquired, he had been home all week and surely she wouldn't have brought it up if she hadn't been watching The Lion King.

"When you and Chase were out 'fixing' the mower" She answered with a dry laugh.

"I didn't mean to break it" He complained, having tried to justify it to her a dozen times already.

"There was nothing wrong with it so you shouldn't have been fiddling" She reasoned, more amused than frustrated by their typical male approach. Rather than waiting an hour for Ember to wake up they had spent three breaking and attempting to fix the lawn mower.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to make it quieter so I didn't wake Emmy" He snapped back playfully though he was more than a little embarrassed by his foolishness, blaming Chase hadn't been an option either.

"I don't care, just as long as the next time you 'fix' it you actually fix it" She requested with a smile, turning her attention to putting the bandaid on the stuffed lion Shay held. The sleeves of the Blackhawks training jersey she had trained into covering her hands.

"Daddy, you wakey now. Up, up, up! Sat'day skate day!" Shay enthused, putting the lion aside after kissing his injured arm. Now focused entirely on getting to the ice rink promptly.

"You know how Daddy is old? Well that means he needs more sleep. Why don't you go wake Chase and then I'll get up" Kelly tried to explain to the sceptical toddler.

"Mama... Daddy being silly" Shay whined, as a big sister she knew that babies were the ones that needed more sleep, Ember presently evidencing that fact of life.

"I'll talk to him. You go knock on Chase's door" Erin instructed with an encouraging smile.

"Chasey!" Shay yelled as she rushed from the room, sliding in her socks on the wooden floors. Continuing to call before stopping to bash on his door.

"Get up, take her skating, tire her out and I'll let you drop my shirt while she naps" Erin suggested with a wink.

"But I want to drop your shirt now" Kelly grumbled before grabbing her wrists forcefully and pulling her back into his arms, wrapping his legs around her to trap her in place. Sucking and biting at her neck as she overcame the shock and tried to push away from him.

"Please" She requested softly as he released her hands, only to slide his up under her shirt. While it was nice to have his mouth on her skin it wasn't the same thrilling feeling it had been earlier. Potentially because she knew Shay and Chase could arrive at any moment. Trying to be considerate of his desire she turned in his arms and used a passionate kiss to put a stop to things.

"Time for breakfast" Chase declared loudly from the hallway just outside their bedroom. Giving them the warning he suspected they would need. "Shay and I are going to make breakfast" He volunteered, peering through the doorway for a moment. "Half an hour" He added before scooping Shay up to take her downstairs, pulling the bedroom door closed behind them.

"God I love that kid" Kelly beamed before turning to look at his wife, feeling particularly triumphant.

"Don't get too excited, you're going to go have a shower" Erin informed flatly, getting up to stand awkwardly next to the bed.

"What?" He asked, smile lingering as he suspected she was kidding.

"You. Shower. Now" She clarified harshly.

"Why?" He demanded, almost angrily, as she distanced herself further.

"Because you smell" She joked before looking at him seriously. "Go get ready to take the kids skating, I told you, while she's napping this afternoon."

"But we have half an hour now" He reminded, wondering what he had done to annoy her.

"No we don't. Emmy'll be awake any minute. Please just go" She requested softly, avoiding his stare to look at Ember instead.

"But.." He tried.

"No" She answered firmly.

"Fine" He muttered before getting up and stomping his way to the bathroom. Waking Ember as he slammed the door. By the time it opened again they had both had time to relax, Erin feeding Ember while Kelly felt like he was defrosting after a chilly shower. It didn't stop him trying to get her attention, emerging in only a towel so his magnificent physique was on display.

"I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood right now" She explained as he got dressed, failing to look her way or acknowledge her presence in any way.

"I'm sorry too" He replied after a long pause, it was in no way an apology. Erin decided to let it go, thankful for the distraction of feeding Ember. "I'm really really sorry this time" Kelly attempted genuinely ten minutes later, presenting a plate with a bacon and egg sandwich to make up for his terrible behaviour.

"You didn't have to" She smiled softly, though she was very glad he had. Not only was she hungry but she didn't want him to leave without clearing things up. "Later, I promise" She assured as she accepted the plate, balancing it between her wrist and chest so she could multi-task.

"Don't, it's fine. I'm so sorry. Have a nice morning with Emmy, stay in bed, doze, do whatever you want. We can do something as a family this afternoon" He rushed to explain, leaning across to kiss her forehead before saying goodbye. Wishing he could stay to talk with her, Chase and Shay had already been waiting for fifteen minutes and their patience was wearing thin.

**To be continued...**

I'm still alive! I know this isn't much but it's better than nothing right? On top of my prac placement I've been quite unwell (I've never had a good immune system and working with 24 kids didn't help - I'm getting better now though). Good news is that as of Wednesday I should be able to resume daily updates! I thought writers block was bad but knowing exactly what I want to write and not having time to write it is so much worse.


	123. Chapter 123

**It's been a while since I've put up a disclaimer... basically if you recognise something it isn't mine :) **

They hadn't even arrived at the skating rink but, if there was such a thing, they were already having too much fun. Kelly's face hurt from smiling while both Shay and Chase were struggling to breathe as they continued to laugh, curled forward with aching stomach muscles. Shay and Chase were both naturally funny people so when they joined forces nobody stood a chance, even themselves. It had been Chase's idea to pass the time by singing along to the mix CD of Disney songs he had made, distracting her from the unusually thick Saturday morning traffic. At the time he hadn't realized that Shay didn't actually know the lyrics very well, her interpretations were far more amusing but it took a few songs for her to gain the confidence to sing loudly enough to be heard. Replacing the actual lyrics with words that sounded similar but meant very different things, not particularly surprisingly most songs quickly became about food. Chase didn't have the heart to correct her, or to admit that he knew all the lyrics, so he simply joined her. Learning her version of 'Let it Go' which somehow included a variety of foods and sea creatures. Ice cream, butter, seals, clams and lemon all featured recurrently.

"Hey Shay…" Chase started as the song finished.

"What?" The toddler snapped from the back seat, suspecting that he had been laughing at her instead of just enjoying the song.

"Would you sing that again for me? I'll make a video so Mama can hear your beautiful singing" Chase proposed with a genuine smile, hoping to encourage her to repeat her highly amusing performance.

"You're not putting it online" Kelly warned quickly.

"No, it's just for Erin and Nadia" Chase assured before turning in his seat to give Shay a pleading look.

"What I get?" Shay demanded, if her father got to reason with Chase it only seemed fair that she could do the same.

"I'll get you a seal" He answered thoughtlessly.

"Wow!" Shay marveled, already thinking of all the fun she could have in the bath with bubbles and a pet seal.

"You'll have to comb its fur" Chase laughed, comb seal was her way of singing conceal. Still caught up in the humor of the moment he didn't realize what he had done until Kelly gave him a stern look. Face falling as he tried to work out how to get Shay a seal, the closest thing he could think of was a visit to the aquarium.

"You can't have a pet seal" Kelly told Shay apologetically, frowning at Chase as they stopped at a red light.

"Sorry princess, it might have to be a toy seal" Chase attempted, equally apologetic. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah" Shay nodded, not particularly disappointed despite her earlier excitement. Having a seal in the bath tub wouldn't leave her much room and would make washing her hair even trickier.

"Ready?" Chase asked plowing ahead even though he felt bad for getting her hopes up. He skipped tracks on the CD until he found the right song then waited for her confirmation.

"Yeah. Music!" Shay agreed, clapping excitedly.

"It can't be too loud or we can't hear you" He explained as he pressed play, adjusted the volume and hit the record button on his phone screen. Making sure Shay was fully in view so he could capture her hand gestures as well as her singing. She made their previous attempt look like a warm up. He wasn't sure if she was exaggerating for the camera or just trying to make him laugh. She hadn't made it halfway through the song when he started to laugh, she sang a few more lines, wrongly worded and badly timed before she joined him. Kelly couldn't help but grin when he looked in the rear view mirror to see Shay laughing as hard as she could. It was a contagious sound and soon they were all spiraling downward to the point where they were simply laughing at each others laughter. Kelly was massively relieved when they arrived at their destination, it had taken almost an hour to get there and he could no longer hold back the tears of laughter. It took a few minutes to recover, still bursting into fits of giggles, before they got out of the car and grabbed their skate bags.

"Have you still got energy for skating little diva?" Kelly questioned as he took Shay's bag from her, it was quite big but she didn't normally struggle to carry it inside.

"Course" Shay laughed as she slowed for a moment, only to step behind him, pushing until he was walking at twice the speed. To further prove her point she was the first to get her skates on, Chase laced on while Kelly did the other. Bouncing around as she waited for them to catch up, no mater how excited she was they always stepped out onto the ice together.

* * *

Erin had completely lost track of time. What had started as a side trip on their way downstairs now had her lying on her stomach on Shay's bedroom floor. "You can do it baby. Come on big strong Em Bear" Erin encouraged as she shook the toy, trying to get the infant to lift her head. It was a massive feat given her disproportionately large head and weak neck muscles, that was why she had to practice. "So close" She commented as Ember paused to rest on her chin before looking up at the toy. A grunt of exertion was followed by the briefest smile then a wail of frustration as she relaxed again. "You did it!" Erin celebrated as she rolled Ember over onto her back and offered her the brightly coloured toy. Ember grasped for it and was soon happy and smiling again, untucking her shirt with her vigorous kicking. The bruises on her chest had faded to grey and yellow but Erin barely saw them as she pressed her lips to the exposed skin and blew a raspberry. Ember shrieked in response, grasping and kicking as she started to laugh at the strange sensation. After giving her a chance to settle down Erin kissed her hands and feet before rolling her back onto her front. Ember wasn't at all pleased, crying loudly in protest as Erin pulled another toy from the box. "One more go, for Mama" She tried though she suspected Ember had exhausted herself. The toy Erin had picked, a fluffy red ball that squeaked and jingled, fascinated the infant and she fell silent as her determination to reach it grew. "Em?" Erin questioned, catching her daughter's attention and driving her to look up for a moment, reaching for the toy as soon as she saw it.

"Gahh!" Ember managed as she took the toy, holding on to it as her mother lifted her until she was upright.

"You did it, yes you did! Good job bubba" Erin celebrated proudly, kissing and cuddling Ember who was more interested in getting the toy into her mouth. The exercise was good for Ember and Erin would repeat it daily until the infant could hold her head up for herself. It was something she had done with Shay and making a fuss over the slightest success was her favourite part. It did mean finding more encouragement though so she set Ember down on the rug and turned back to the box of toys. The rest of the boxes had been stuffed back under the bed, which Erin had also moved until it was flush against the wall. Preventing the need for any further Roary rescue missions. Determining which toys Ember liked was difficult, especially since she was preoccupied with the one she held. Erin spent almost an hour dangling and dancing toys to gain Ember's attention. The dozen toys Erin chose in that time would provide motivation to Ember and greatly increase her toy choices. For the first six weeks of her life Ember had only had a stuffed owl and the soft book Shay had gifted her to play with. Most likely as a result of the fact that she hadn't had much time to play, that was something Erin was looking forward to incorporating into their routine. First though she had to get on with the housework she had planned to do. Packing away the rest of the toys she straightened Shay's sheets and generally neatened the room before scooping up Ember and continuing on her journey downstairs. Ensuring their breakfast dishes were all in the dishwasher before putting Ember into her sling so she could use both hands as she set about cleaning.

"Yes you can buy lunch" Erin answered the phone a short time later, assuming it was her husband. She had just paused for a moment to consider what she was going to make them for lunch and the call seemed perfectly timed.

"Oh. Sorry. I'm calling for Erin Severide?" The female voice questioned, Erin almost dropped her mobile in shock and embarrassment.

"No I'm sorry. And... ah, you've got her" Erin shrugged as she shifted nervously, not sure who she was talking to but certain she'd broken phone call etiquette enough to feel that she'd lost the right to ask.

"Hi" The woman greeted cheerfully. "My name's Amanda and I... I really probably shouldn't be calling you..." She paused.

"Okay. So why are you?" Erin questioned impatiently, confused and frustrated by the peculiar phone call.

"I just... I don't know... I'm a 911 operator, I took your call on Monday. I'm not supposed to... Sorry... I'm breaking all the rules... I just wanted to ask how your girls are. Shay specifically. When the phone call ended I was so worried about her but I assumed she found you, or someone to help. This was a bad idea" Amanda finished, her slow explanation still hadn't given Erin enough time to prepare herself to answer. Reliving the afternoon for the hundredth time as she forgot what she was doing.

"They're fine. Both girls are fine" Erin answered abruptly, not sure why she was agitated by the phone call. This woman was part of the reason that Ember was alive and peacefully sleeping against her chest.

"Thank goodness. Shay was really brave" Amanda sighed, relief evident in her voice.

"Yeah she was. Look, thanks for everything you did but..." Erin started carefully.

"Right, yeah sorry. I'd love to meet Shay but I understand if you don't..." Amanda hesitated. It was a strange request and a lot to ask of someone she had spoken on the phone with for a maximum of thirty seconds during a medical crisis.

"I don't think that's a good idea. Thank you though. We just want to get on with our lives" Erin answered firmly, not even considering the possibility to meeting with the complete stranger.

"That's fine. I'm sorry for bothering you" Amanda supplied disappointedly.

"Don't be. Bye?" Erin finished, frustrated that it came out sounding like a question.

"Goodbye" Amanda replied as the phone call ended. Erin set the phone down on the bedside table and sat down on the bed for a moment. Questioning when, if ever, they would be able to get past that dreadful afternoon. Feeding Ember was made more difficult as the infant picked up on her mother's stress then took twice as long as she normally would to fall asleep. The moment she did Erin tucked her into her crib and got back to cleaning. Letting her anger motivate her as she scrubbed both bathrooms, vacuumed the house and put on a third load of washing. She was in the lounge room folding and sorting the first while watching the news when Kelly, Chase and Shay arrived home. Erin was careful to internalize her frustration and smile as she left the washing to make lunch for the three tired skaters. The sandwiches were far from spectacular but they were all Shay had time to eat before she fell asleep at the table. Erin carried her upstairs, put her to bed and checked on Ember before heading back down to find her husband watching television. She was hopeful it would distract him from the promise she had made earlier, intimacy the last thing she wanted to think about as she continued to fold washing angrily. Increasingly frustrated that she couldn't rationalise the surge of emotion, she wanted her life back to normal but knew this wasn't helping.

"You okay?" Kelly questioned as his wife seemed to intentionally knock a pile of washing over so she could fold it again.

"Yeah" She answered quickly.

"Can I help?" He asked gently, turning away from the intense basketball game he had found instead of ice hockey on their sports channel.

"No" Erin replied as she left the room, returning with more washing after a few minutes. The moment she set the basket down Kelly reached over and took a shirt to fold. "You don't have to" She snapped as she snatched the shirt from him.

"I just wanted to help" He argued softly, increasingly confused by her behaviour.

"No, you just want me to hurry up so we can have sex!" She almost shouted, Chase was in the shower and the girls were asleep so they didn't need to worry about being overheard.

"What? No I don't. I wasn't even thinking... I'd completely forgotten about that" He defended, reaching for her hand so he could make her stop and talk. He didn't know what had upset her or if talking would help in any way but it was worth trying.

"Sure. You're a guy, you can't help it" She replied sceptically as she pushed him away, pointing at the television to encourage him to watch it. He pretended to for a moment as he contemplated his response.

"I said I was sorry for this morning, I didn't mean to pressure you. It's fine, we're fine. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do" Kelly assured, before Wednesday he'd been without for months, if it was what his wife wanted or needed he'd do it again in a heartbeat. He'd wait forever because she would always be worth it.

"Whatever" Erin shrugged.

"Did something happen?" He questioned following a pause, giving her time to calm down a little.

"No!" She denied so vehemently that he knew she was lying.

"Alright, what happened?" He rephrased, now certain that something other than their morning disagreement was fueling her rage.

"I was thinking we could make some cupcakes when Shay wakes up, then we could take them to the park for a picnic" Erin suggested, changing the subject completely.

"Sounds great but..." He began.

"Chocolate or vanilla?" She asked as she rapidly sorted clothing between the five piles.

"Hmm?" He wondered, feeling left behind as she stormed ahead.

"Cupcakes, I always want chocolate so if you want vanilla you just have to say" She explained, for a moment she had considered telling him about the phone call with Amanda but he didn't seem to be listening.

"I don't care about the cupcakes babe, I want to know what's going on with you" He sighed.

"What do you mean? I said no to sex this morning and now there's something wrong with me?" She demanded, aggravated by the suggestion.

"Erin, I did not say that. There is nothing wrong with you" Kelly groaned, rubbing his forehead in frustration.

"Yes there is, I just don't want to talk about it right now" Erin answered seriously. His expression softened into something bordering on sympathy as he nodded at her.

"I'll be here when you're ready, I just want to help. Please let me help" He requested gently, reaching for something to fold though his words extending far past helping with washing.

"Can you go check on Emmy?" She asked as they ran out of washing to fold.

"Sure" He agreed, taking two piles with him as headed up the stairs. Ember was still sleeping so he put the washing away, giving Erin time alone to think. She left the washing and started cleaning in the kitchen, putting everything in it's place and slamming as many cupboard doors as she could. Kelly stopped in the doorway and watched her for a moment, desperate to find the source of her anger. After checking the time she started to gather the ingredients for the cupcakes, dropping a glass bowl in her haste. "I'll do it" Kelly offered when she stopped to look at the mess of glass fragments.

"I'm sorry" She nodded as she stepped past him, now that he was downstairs she could take the rest of the washing up to put it away.

"I'm off to the toy store, anything you want for the girls?" Chase questioned when she handed him his washing. No matter how many times he told her he'd do it himself she always seemed to beat him to it.

"No" She shook her head.

"You okay?" He asked. 

"Yeah" She answered, trying not to be frustrated by his good intentions. Chase didn't believe her but knew it wasn't his place to press for more information. Erin was thankful not only for Chase but for her husband as well when she noticed that he had put her washing away. She dropped his on the end of the bed anyway and moved to Shay's room, waking the toddler as she swore loudly having slammed her finger in a drawer she was shutting.

"Mama you no say that" Shay complained as she crawled out of bed.

"Sorry. How about we go do some cooking?" Erin proposed as she lifted the toddler, if she hadn't just woken up Shay would have demanded her independence. It was so much easier to put aside her worries when Shay was watching her every move, baking and icing chocolate cupcakes together while Kelly observed silently. They packed them into a plastic container then got ready to leave for the park. Ember woke just in time and enjoyed the way Chase bounced her as they walked, leaving Erin to carry the cupcakes and Kelly the picnic blanket. It was a lovely sunny afternoon and a great opportunity for a family outing. Ruined slightly by Erin only participating in conversation when Shay was involved and by Ember's unexpected right hook leaving her father with a split lip. The smallest of his girls responsible for the most serious of the three minor incidents he had had that day. Chase tried to lighten the mood with his video of Shay singing but the moment it ended their smiles and laughter did too. They all lacked motivation as they meandered back home, stopping for Shay to smell and pick the flowers she found. At home they had a quiet afternoon, everyone seemed to want to spend it alone so when Erin called them to dinner they all seemed to start out in whispers. Unaccustomed to the sound of their own voices after the prolonged silence. Getting through the girls bedtime routine was also something that occurred wordlessly. Kelly and Erin coming to a consensus that they wouldn't go back downstairs to watch television as they normally did when the girls were in bed.

"Good shower?" Kelly questioned when Erin emerged from the bathroom after taking a shower, letting her wet hair drip down her back.

"Mmm" Erin nodded slowly, watching him carefully as she released her hold on the towel. Fluffy fabric pooling on the floor at her ankles, leaving her completely naked. "Oops, I dropped my towel" She shrugged, giving him a half smile as she made her way towards the bed confidently.

"I'd rather talk" He offered as she slid into the bed next to him.

"We can talk after" She proposed, pulling at his shirt as she settled over him, a knee either side of his waist.

"Promise?" He questioned seriously.

"I promise" Erin assured.


	124. Chapter 124

"Al…right" Erin panted as she flopped down on her side of the bed, holding the sheet around herself as she settled back against her pillow, fanning her still damp hair out over it. "Time to talk" She smiled, starting to catch her breath. Kelly almost laughed, she had promised to talk after but he didn't think she meant immediately after, he would need a few minutes for blood supply to return to his head before he could think properly.

"Give me a minute?" He requested breathlessly, rolling onto his side to look across at her. The room barely lit due to the shirt she had thrown over the bedside lamp. Pausing to try to work out why they seemed to always be at odd of late. The moment he stopped wanting to talk she started to.

"Fine" She nodded, it would take her a moment to collect her thoughts and feelings into a vaguely rational explanation. Even in the low light he could see her forehead, creased thoughtfully, very different to the carefree smile she had worn seconds before. In an attempt to give her that feeling again he leaned down and kissed her. Tongue passing her lips in seconds as he deepened the kiss. Still perplexed by the minty tang of her toothpaste, he normally couldn't stand the flavour but from her mouth he couldn't get enough of it. Erin made the most of the temporary respite, relaxing into his embrace as his mouth continued its furious mission. Feeling safe with his arms holding her securely to his chest, which was still heaving and dotted with perspiration. He pulled back to look at her, eyes searching hers though he wasn't sure what he hoped to find. Erin threaded her fingers through his soft, dark hair she pulled his forehead down against her own, maintaining eye contact the entire time. He could see the change in her eyes and suddenly found himself on his back as she pushed him away and sat up, pulling her knees to her chest. "The 911 operator from Monday called this morning. That's it, it's nothing really, I just couldn't handle it" She explained softly, resting her chin on her knees.

"There are rules about that, following up on calls is against the rules for all of us" Kelly replied, acknowledging that she had spoken but keeping his response technical as he tried to work out where his wife was emotionally. Thinking about Monday unsettled him so he could understand that she didn't like to be reminded of it. Anger wasn't her usual response though so he suspected there was more to it.

"Yeah she knew that" Erin sighed, looking over her shoulder at him.

"Then why did she call?" He questioned gently.

"To see how things turned out I guess. What would she have…? What if… if Ember had died? How could she have thought it would be appropriate to call?" She demanded, the phone call had made all her complex emotions resurface and Ember was perfectly fine. It could have been so much worse and she questioned whether or not she was overreacting.

"Babe. She should never have called" He concluded seriously as he sat up beside her, placing a hand on her back supportively. It wasn't hard to see that the rules were in place for a reason, he would remember this the next time he felt the urge to follow up on someone. "We need to move past this" He said firmly, lifting her chin so she was forced to look at him, they couldn't keep doing this but she wasn't finished.

"She, Amanda, wanted to meet Shay" Erin expanded hesitantly.

"You said no right?" He checked, rubbing her back encouragingly to override his previous statement. He hadn't been there on Monday, he hadn't been there for the phone call this morning so the least he could do was be there to listen.

"Yeah, and I thanked her for everything she did but I just... No you're right. I want to move on. I need to move on" She finished dismissing what she had been thinking as she realised she was making herself miserable

"And we are. Together" He assured as he pulled her into his arms.

"You are, I'm not" She argued trying to fight against his hold as anger bubbled in the pit of her stomach. "I'm just really angry... At everything, the phone call just made it worse..." She explained, looking at him fiercely.

"You have every right to be angry, what happened was really shitty. Completely unfair given everything we've had to deal with. Emmy isn't even two months old and she's been to more doctors and spent more time in hospital than Shay. I'm angry, she's our baby and we just want to protect her from all of that stuff" He replied truthfully, she certainly wasn't alone. The only difference was that he had been able to cork the bottle he stored his anger away in.

"Exactly and Shay's our baby too. I thought it was going to be hard to divide attention between them but I left her behind… Amanda was there for her when I should have been. That's probably why she was calling, to check on Shay because she thinks I'm a bad parent" She realised, slamming her fist down into the mattress to express what she was feeling. He could almost see the anger radiating from her body and decided to let his own emotions flow.

"Maybe we should meet her then because anyone whose met you would know that that's crap!" He announced with as much conviction as he could. "You are a great parent. We have to meet her, with Shay. It'll help… closure or something" He finished weakly though he managed to keep his sincerity.

"I don't want to meet her! I don't want to remember, I want to hit my head hard enough to forget that day forever. I don't want it" Erin argued as she threw herself backwards, only narrowly missing a collision with the headboard that could have granted her wish.

"You're right. I'm sorry, forget I said anything, forget it all" He declared after a moment, resting on an elbow at her side.

"I'm trying" She laughed, there was no humour in her voice though.

"We'll put it behind us and get back into our routine. If you think you'll be okay with the girls I'll go back to work tomorrow night. We haven't really had normal since Emmy was born but we will now, I promise" He assured, his free hand fitting perfectly in the curve of her waist.

"I'll be okay" Erin replied after enough of a delay that Kelly couldn't tell if she was replying to his suggestion specifically or speaking generally.

"We'll be okay together" Kelly agreed, pulling her onto his chest as he rolled onto his back. "When are we going to get our family photos? I'm going to need plenty of beauty sleep... and we should do it before our anniversary" He added lightly, hoping to distract her.

"Definitely, I'll call the photographer on Monday and see what she has available on weekends" She agreed, running her thumb along his jaw.

"I'm a little hurt babe..." He stated sadly when their eyes met, the playful twinkle in his let her know he wasn't serious.

"Why?" She questioned straight away, trying to sound genuinely concerned.

"You didn't say that I don't need beauty sleep" He explained, trying to look especially attractive.

"I am very sorry. You definitely don't need beauty sleep" She laughed softly, kissing him in an attempt to wipe the almost constipated expression from his face.

"Neither do you" He whispered, brushing her hair from her eyes so he could look at her properly, pretending to double check. Holding her face with both hands as they both took some time to reflect. "Are you alright now?"

"I think so. I don't feel as angry" She answered with a small smile. He gave a nod then pressed his lips to hers for a quick kiss.

"What do you feel?" He requested with a cheeky smile, hands leaving her face so he could slide them down her body, leaving no doubt in her mind about what he was really asking.

"Sleepy" She supplied apologetically "I do love you, I'm just tired and the girls are sleeping" She tried to explain, though she knew they were weak excuses. "I'm sorry"

"For?" He asked, letting her know that he felt no need for an apology.

"For being such a bitch?" She suggested as she thought carefully. "I have an idea though..."

"Mmm?" He questioned, feeling that he had lost track of what she was talking about.

"I'm always the one who dictates when we have sex. That isn't fair to you. So it's your turn, maybe just for the week, you'll have work and the kids to compete with but I'm not going to say no" She explained with a wicked grin.

"Babe, you don't..." He sighed, there was nothing wrong with the way things were.

"I want to. Please? It'll be fun" She tried to persuade.

"Why?" He questioned, of course he wanted to agree but he needed to know that she was doing it for the right reasons.

"Why will it be fun?" She joked, "I expect we'll be having more sex. No, but seriously. I want to do this, it's as much for me as it is for you. It could be good for us... And we could start right now" She reasoned, sensible until the last sentence.

"Babe, you didn't even last ten seconds. I'm in control so I get to decide when..." He chuckled, not expecting a celebratory kiss to cut him off.

"Sorry, decide away" Erin apologised, waiting eagerly for him to seize the opportunity. His hands remained on her lower back and she gave him a questioning look when he didn't move.

"Oh I will" He assured after a moment, turning away to yawn before shifting her head to his shoulder as he got comfortable. Erin was confused but didn't have a chance to say anything, he kissed the top of her head and without much warning she fell fast asleep.


	125. Chapter 125

"I told you it'd be fun" Erin grinned, dripping as she crossed the tiled bathroom floor. She checked on Ember from the doorway then turned back to her husband, raising her eyebrows appreciatively as he continued to shower.

"She's still asleep?" Kelly questioned, speaking up to be heard over the water.

"Yeah" She nodded, stopping on the bathmat as she started to dry herself with the towel she'd claimed when she had stepped out of the shower.

"You coming back then?" He asked hopefully, wiping away the condensation at eye height so he could look through the glass at her, hand reaching so he could open the door for her.

"Nah, I'm getting all pruny. Plus, the view's better from here" She answered taking a seat next to the basin, legs dangling as she watched him intently. He popped the lid of his body wash and let the scent fill the room as he started to lather it over himself. To his surprise she was able to resist his cunning plan to lure her back, distracting herself by drying her hair and brushing her teeth. Looking over her shoulder at her own reflection she sighed contentedly then continued to smile. Catching the glint of sunlight on the hooks next to the shower, her towel was still on the bedroom floor so she was using his. H turned the water off before she had a chance to do something about the dilemma.

"Oh. Babe?" Kelly enquired when he noticed his towel was gone, looking across to see his wife laughing softly.

"Sorry" She revised as she regained composure.

"Are you gonna? ... It's cold!" He complained when she shrugged, crossing her legs before resting an elbow on her knee, holding her chin as she waited to see what he was going to do.

"But you're hot" She teased, her eyes requesting forgiveness.

"Just get me a towel" He pleaded.

"You want this one?" She asked, pointing to the towel she wore.

"Yes! Please, I'm freezing to death" He replied hurriedly, if he wasn't frozen in place he would have moved to take it from her. Erin paused to analyze her options for a moment then slid from the bench, untucking the towel as she moved towards him.

"Fine. Here" She said as she held it out, offering it to him. He gave her a questioning look, certain she was going to snatch it away when he reached for it. He extended his hand slowly and when she didn't move he took it quickly, pulling it around his shoulders as she started to back away.

"Wait, where are you going?" He requested, glad to have the towel but more interested in his naked wife.

"To get dressed, it's too cold to stand around like this" She answered, gesturing over her shoulder into the bedroom, laughing when he growled in response. Not only had she made him stand, cold and dripping, for a whole minute but she was also about to cover herself. He pulled a face at the mirror then followed her, trading one damp towel for another as he moved to retrieve clothing. After pulling on jeans and a t-shirt he hung both towels up to dry then stopped to watch her. The way she freed her hair from the collar of the shirt was beautiful in his opinion. Catching his gaze she threw him an expectant look, questioning if she looked alright. Kelly nodded and smiled as he approached, pulling her into his arms for a kiss, hands moving stealthily to undo the top button of her shirt. "Really?" She questioned when she noticed what he was doing. Surely he had had enough of a chance to look in bed and in the shower.

"Yeah" He assured, kissing her again before moving to scoop Ember up from her crib, she was only just starting to wake up so if he hurried he could change her diaper before she started to cry. Erin looked down at herself, she would be unbuttoning for Ember in a few minutes anyway so she let it go. Taking Ember's toy from the top of dresser she joined him, entertaining the baby as he fastened the tabs on her diaper and the snaps of her pyjamas. "You want her?" He questioned when he finished.

"Yeah, thanks. Let's go see what Shay and Chase are up to" Erin suggested, lifting the baby from the change table before grabbing a burp cloth and leading the way downstairs. Shay was using her new toy seal to hit Chase in the head, climbing all over him as she ranted furiously about Dora being a princess. "Shay, stop" Erin instructed quickly.

"Mama! Tell Chasey… he a meanie Mama" Shay complained, swinging the seal at his head yet again, Chase caught the toy and held it away from himself.

"It's my fault" Chase informed.

"I don't care, no hitting, with hands or with toys" Erin told them both firmly, Shay released her hold on the seal, glared at her brother then jumped off the couch. Chase gave an apologetic look but Erin didn't see it as her attention turned to Shay.

"Mama, I hungry" The toddler explained, turning to poke her tongue out at Chase before gripping the fabric of her mother's pants.

"She's had breakfast" Chase called after them as they walked to the kitchen, they had been having a good morning until seconds before Erin had arrived.

"What do you want to eat?" Erin asked, the answer would tell her if Shay was actually hungry or just bored.

"'Nana" Shay requested.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted…" Kelly started when Erin entered the kitchen spreading avocado over some toast for her.

"That looks great. You want me to cut it Shay?" She asked, nodding at her husband before taking a banana from the fruit bowl for Shay.

"No, I be monkey" Shay giggled, until recently she had always had her banana chopped into bite sized chunks. Given her mother's preoccupation with Ember she had lazily handed Shay a banana, opened and partially peeled, explaining that Shay could be a big girl monkey and peel it for herself. It was now the only way Shay would eat the fruit.

"Sit properly" Erin warned as she handed over the banana, Shay nodded and carried it as proudly as an Olympic torch as she walked through to the dining room. "You didn't have to make me breakfast. Thank you" She acknowledged, rubbing his back with her free hand before taking the plate he offered. Kelly shook his head and smiled before ushering her through to the dining room, moving quickly so he could pull her chair out for her. Thanking him again she sat down, starting to feed Ember before eating the toast. Chase joined them a few minutes later, crunching away on an apple as he sat down next to Shay. She appeared to have forgiven him and was soon offering to trade her mushed and slobbered on banana for his apple.

"So… do you have any plans for the day?" Chase questioned, looking up as he slid his phone back into his pocket. Shaking his head to decline Shay's mangled banana yet again.

"Dora!" Shay interjected, shifting onto her knees in her chair in excitement. She would watch the cartoon all day long if she was allowed.

"Sit and eat Shay. We don't have plans. Do you?" Erin replied curious to know why he was asking but distracted by the need to find something for them to do. The week home without any of Shay's normal activities had exhausted most of their options. The park was never as much fun two days in a row but she didn't want to stay indoors, the overgrown grass in the backyard probably ruled it out as well.

"Nadia wants to know if she can come over later" Chase explained with a small smile.

"Of course she can" Erin answered without needing to think, it was nice that he still felt the need to ask.

"Awesome. Until then I have no idea" He shrugged, lost in his phone until Shay dropped her banana peel onto his lap. "Thank you princess, but I think that belongs in the bin" He told her as he handed it back and pointed in the general direction she would need to take it.

"Help me Chasey" Shay requested, giving her best smile as she took his hand.

"Okay, let's go" He nodded, looking from his phone on the table to his little sister a few times before smiling and getting up. Chase didn't get a chance to check his phone again until lunchtime, kept busy by the demanding toddler. First she forced him into his room, pacing back and forth at his door as he got dressed. Waiting to see what he was wearing before she could decide what to wear herself. Then she refused to brush her teeth unless she got to put the toothpaste on her toothbrush. Throwing quite a tantrum when she realized he had already done it for her. Her father stepped in to diffuse the situation, letting Shay put toothpaste on Chase's toothbrush instead. Of course because he was an adult he needed more toothpaste and she managed to dispense half the tube before he could stop her. Chase banished her from the bathroom while he cleaned up and Shay took the opportunity to find the books she needed to settle their earlier argument. Sticking a dozen tiara stickers throughout her Dora the Explorer book to prove that she really was a princess. Leaving the book on Chase's bed she rushed back to her room, searching for her tiara until Chase arrived.

"Chasey, I wanna 'splore" Shay requested when he asked her what was next, pulling her hair up before placing the tiara on her head.

"What?" He questioned, he was accustomed to her abbreviations and poor pronunciation but he had no idea what she was trying to say.

"Princess Dora 'splora. I wanna 'splora too!" She explained, tugging at his pants until he bent down and picked her up.

"Explore?" He clarified.

"Yeah" Shay nodded enthusiastically.

"Princess Shay the Explorer?" He checked wondering how they were going to have fun exploring the house, if he had had warning he could have hidden toys for her to find.

"And Prince Chasey 'splora too" She promised, twisting in his arms until he set her down.

"Alright, where do you want to explore?" He asked, encouraging her to lead the way. She took him downstairs, did a lap around the coffee table then headed straight to the backdoor.

"Outside" She demanded, jumping for the door handle which wouldn't turn because it was locked.

"We'll have to ask Mummy and Daddy first" He explained, lifting Shay over his shoulder before turning to see Kelly waiting expectantly.

"What's up?" Kelly asked when Chase didn't say anything.

"Can we go outside?"

"Umm… sure. Just make sure she's wearing a hat…" Kelly answered slowly, trying to think like his wife. Finding their hats required some exploration but soon enough they were standing on the bottom step in the backyard looking at the overgrown space. Kelly had crushed a trail through the grass on his way to the garden shed, hoping to find the owner's manual so he could fix the mower. Chase was regretting the idea of exploring outside, the feeling intensified when Shay shrieked.

"What?" He questioned as he crouched down to see what was wrong.

"Look!" She said, jabbing her finger at the grass.

"What is it?" He asked, trying to work out what she was pointing at.

"What is it?" She repeated, her finger as close to the strange bright green creature as she dared get.

"It's a caterpillar" Chase explained as he held the blade of grass still so she could look at it properly.

"I pat?" She asked. It didn't look much like the toy caterpillar she had in her bedroom, or the picture in one of her favourite bedtime stories so she decided to exercise caution.

"You can hold it" He agreed, peeling it from the grass and placing it in her hand. "It's curling up because it's scared."

"Why?" She asked, poking it softly with a finger.

"Because it thinks you want to eat it" He explained, holding her hand flat so she wouldn't accidentally crush it.

"I eat it?" She pondered, both disgusted and thrilled by the suggestion.

"No, you're not going to eat it, we're going to put it back" He decided, ready to take it from her.

"No! I show Mama!" Shay argued, pushing him away with her free hand.

"Mama's putting Emmy to bed… Wait there. And don't squish it" He called over his shoulder as he bounded up the stairs with a solution in mind.

"What that?" Shay questioned when he returned a moment later, her mother was nowhere in sight.

"A container to put it in until we can show Mama" Chase explained, holding it out for her to put the caterpillar in.

"Okay" She nodded.

"Gentle with him" Chase warned as she tried to pick it up between her thumb and pointer finger, her coordination had improved greatly but he was still anxious to see if she could perform the delicate task.

"Not him! It her and it name…umm… Charlie" She claimed when the caterpillar was in the container. Borrowing the name of one of the girls she played with at playgroup sometimes.

"Charlie the Caterpillar?"

"Yes" She nodded.

"Okay, that's good exploring. What else can you find?" He encouraged, holding the container carefully as he followed her through the grass. She couldn't catch the butterflies that fluttered out of the grass as she walked through it but she managed to catch a ladybug before it flew away. She chased a grasshopper for a few minutes then made her brother catch it for her. Chase went to get a lid to keep their most recent acquisition contained and returned to find Shay excavating a small section, determined to catch the worm she had seen. It didn't get along with the other creatures in the container so she decided to hold it as she continued to explore.

"What are you two up to?" Erin asked from the top of the steps, wondering why Chase and Shay were crouched in the middle of their jungle of a lawn.

"Mama! Come here look! We 'splored some bugs!" Shay answered, bouncing up and down as Chase added a second caterpillar to their collection.

"Bugs?" Erin asked as she joined them, looking into the container. "Good job"

"Chasey won't let me eat them" Shay complained, hoping her mother would be able to amend that particular rule.

"That's yucky Shay, we don't eat bugs. Princesses certainly don't" She explained, retrieving the tiara from amongst the grass before placing it on top of the hat Shay wore.

"But we keep 'em" Shay reasoned.

"I don't know, I think you should set them free" Erin answered carefully.

"I show Daddy and Emmy first? And Nada?" Shay requested, that way she would at least get to keep them for the day.

"Alright, but you might want to put some grass in there for them" She suggested, smiling at Chase to let him know that she didn't mind Shay playing with bugs.

"I make them a home" Shay agreed, pulling at the grass before twisting it into something resembling a nest.

"Okay" Erin nodded, kissing the top of Shay's head before leaving them to go back inside.

"Mama, I has 'nother 'tainer?" The toddler called as she ran after her mother.

"What for?" Erin asked. Not particularly fond of her food storage containers being used to capture insects.

"Will the worm" Shay answered, holding out her hand to reveal the slimy looking pink creature.

"I'll get you one" Erin agreed, wondering if she could retrieve a takeaway food container from the recycling bin. Remembering that it had been emptied recently she made her way back inside, rifling through the drawer when the doorbell rang. She let Nadia in, handed her the container and instructed her to take it out to the backyard while she went upstairs to calm Ember. The baby didn't want to go back to sleep so Erin took her outside. They stomped a patch of grass flat then spread a blanket for Ember to play on, her mother sitting with her, supervising the two young adults and toddler. Nadia helped Shay sit still long enough for a butterfly to land on her knee, a moment Erin managed to capture with her phone camera. Along with dozens of photos of her happy baby, squirming and kicking in the sunshine. It was a great way to spend the morning but two screams and a yell forced them all inside. Nadia had always hated spiders and having one crawl across her shoe had been too much for her to handle. Shay had swatted a bee from the air, stunned when the insect stung her hand. And Kelly had learned not to try to start the lawn mower while his fingers were still near the blades, cutting a few of his fingers. Chase looked after Nadia and Ember while Erin played doctor, using tweezers to remove the stinger from Shay's hand and applying ice before attending her husband's hand. Making it very clear that he was no longer allowed near the mower. Then they sat in the lounge room, drinking juice and exchanging stories of first bee stings to assure Shay that she would be alright. Erin tried not to let on that she was worried by just how swollen Shay's hand had gotten, chubby fingers now huge and puffy. Sneaking upstairs to call Gabby when she couldn't relax into the conversation the way the others had, even Shay didn't seem as upset anymore. The paramedic and fellow mother was quick to provide the reassurance Erin needed. Then Nadia provided the perfect distraction, soon Erin had forgotten it completely.

"I wanted to come over so I could show you this… it arrived yesterday" Nadia explained as she handed the letter to Erin, looking quite confused as she opened it and read the first few lines.

"Oh! Congratulations, I told you you could do it!" Erin announced, pushing Chase aside so she could give her friend a celebratory hug.

"Um what?" Kelly and Chase enquired at the same time.

"It's the invitation to her graduation ceremony, two weeks and she'll be in uniform" Erin explained proudly.

"Awesome" Chase agreed, fully understanding why she hadn't told him first.

"Wow!" Kelly nodded in approval, before explaining to Shay in words she would understand.

"You Police like Mama!" Shay beamed as she hugged her honorary aunt. Erin made lunch and they sat in the lounge room to eat. Nadia had brought her favourite childhood movie, she had watched it with Erin twice before, the night she got out of rehab and again when she'd been accepted to the academy. It seemed fitting to watch it again now and Shay instantly fell in love with the characters. Her favorite a bossy triceratops named Cera. It was her first experience with dinosaurs and she was very disappointed to learn that she couldn't ride one to school when she was a big girl. Nadia ended up staying for dinner and felt better knowing that between Voight and Platt she was sure to be assigned to the right district. It had turned into a great day and Erin was sad that it had to end, Hank leaving shortly after desert, followed by Russ once he'd read Shay a bedtime story. Then the two couples watched television until Kelly and Chase had to leave for work. Erin and Nadia continued to talk well into the night, it got so late that Erin insisted she stay over. It was nice to have someone else in the house and Erin didn't have any trouble getting to sleep.

**I feel the need to incorporate Nadia into my story more now (for fairly obvious reasons), I hope you don't mind. Also the movie is called The Land Before Time, a classic that I highly recommend if you haven't already seen it :D **


	126. Chapter 126

"Morning" Erin greeted cheerfully as she stepped into the kitchen. It wasn't really morning yet in her opinion, the sky more grey than blue, but her guest was up so she was making an effort.

"Hey, I didn't mean to wake you. Just grabbing coffee on the way out" Nadia explained quickly, tilting her head to the side as she tried to work out how to operate the coffee machine.

"I was up with Emmy" Erin smiled, rubbing circles on her baby's back with one hand. Ember was feeding hungrily, secured in the sling and tucked into her mother's dressing gown. Using her free hand she reached past Nadia and flicked the power switch, the appliance burst to life as Nadia gave a defeated chuckle. The kitchen was soon filled with the wonderful aroma of hot coffee, Erin tried desperately to convince her brain that she was hungry not craving a caffeine hit. "Can I make you breakfast?"

"I'm already running late" Nadia answered with a disappointed shrug.

"To what? It's just going on seven" Erin questioned, suspecting the young woman was lying.

"Okay so I'm not running late... I just don't want to get in your way" Nadia admitted softly as she moved past Erin taking a moment to choose between the two cartons of milk in the fridge. A reminder that they were in very different life stages, Erin with a house and family while Nadia shared a small apartment with her best friend. They never had milk in the fridge. Usually because Katie had used it experimenting with a new recipe not because they were too lazy to buy any.

"You're not and you never have. I'm making breakfast and you're going to sit and eat it before you go anywhere" Erin assured as she turned to the fridge, selecting the ingredients she would need to make a decent morning meal.

"Yes mum" Nadia laughed leaning on the bench as she sipped at her coffee.

"You can't call me that... it's too weird now that you're dating Chase" Erin reasoned as she adjusted Ember slightly, washed her hands and started preparing ingredients.

"That's not fair! I knew you first" Nadia argued immediately though she thought of their relationship more like that of siblings than of a parent and child. Having her big sister be her boyfriend's mother was just as strange though.

"Sorry" Erin sighed, concentrating on what she was doing.

"He already has a mum! I don't!" Nadia added to further her disagreement, starting to realise she was jealous of the time Chase got to spend with her friend.

"Do you know what the story there is? I know he's calls her now and then but they never see each other" Erin probed, hopeful that the young man would have disclosed more about his family background.

"You're his mother, you should know!" Nadia answered, no more of an idea than Erin seemed to.

"You're his girlfriend. How's that going anyway?" Erin questioned curiously, trying not to sound too interested.

"Slow. Because I really like him. Like really really..." Nadia revealed, trailing off as her thoughts drifted to the sweet and caring fireman.

"He's a great guy" She agreed.

"And you've proven that the fireman/policewoman thing can work..." Nadia smiled, wondering to what degree she wanted their relationship to emulate her mentors.

"Policewoman, I'm so happy for you kiddo" Erin beamed, the word sounded good and her heart filled with pride at the thought. There could be no comparison between the Nadia she had first met and the Nadia standing in her kitchen now, she had come so far.

"It doesn't feel real yet."

"Trust me it won't feel real until you're pinning on your badge for the first time. Then there's meeting your partner, fighting over who drives and who buys lunch, your first arrest, firing your sidearm on duty... You have a lot of firsts to look forward to" She finished, reflecting on her personal experience.

"I have a real life to look forward to, because of you" Nadia declared boldly.

"You've worked so hard for this" Erin contested, playing down her part the way she always would.

"You gave me a push in the right direction... or a few pushes" Nadia continued.

"I didn't push too hard did I? You want this for you right?" Erin questioned suddenly, turning to look at Nadia seriously, worried that she had forced the career on her.

"Yeah absolutely! You just helped me see it... My own potential. To become more than I was. You helped me put the past behind me, to close that door and never look back because this is my life now. That's important too" Nadia justified, eyes locked with Erin's to prove just how serious she was.

"It is, bad things happen and sometimes we make bad choices, you learn from them and you move on. It's going to be hard and you're going to make mistakes, you have to promise me that you'll be careful, but you're going to be damn fine police" Erin assured.

"I've got a great role model" Nadia concluded, not sure why she felt the need to thank Erin now more than ever, maybe because she was so very close to having her dream job.

"I love you, you love me. Let's eat" Erin shook her head, grabbing some plates before serving their breakfast.

"Sure thing... Mum" The young woman added for good measure, accepting the plate and following Erin through to the dining room.

"MAMA!" Shay yelled the moment her mother sat down.

"Downstairs Shay" Erin called back softly, conscious that Ember was very nearly asleep.

"Mama!" Shay tried a second time, closer but sounding more desperate.

"Start eating" Erin told Nadia as she went to find Shay. The toddler was taking the stairs as quickly as she dared, gripping the railing firmly as she dropped from one stair to the next. Moving much faster than Erin expected given she had just woken up.

"Where my baby?" Shay demanded when she spotted her mother.

"Emmy?" Erin asked, before pointing to the large lump in her dressing gown. "She's right here."

"Oh, okay" Shay nodded, wriggling her hand up in under the soft grey fabric until she found her little sister's foot.

"Why?" She asked the toddler, it wasn't unusual for her to be interested in the baby but she wasn't usually completely fixated.

"Just checkin'" Shay shrugged, releasing the small foot slowly.

"Come on then, we're having breakfast" Erin encouraged, taking Shay's hand as they walked together into the dining room. The toddler noticed the unusual presence immediately.

"Nada? What you doin'? That Chasey chair, you can't sit there. Move!" Shay demanded, rushing across the room to start pushing Nadia from the chair.

"Where do you want me to sit?" Nadia questioned as she stood up.

"No" Erin told them both. "Shay she can sit there. Chase isn't home now so it isn't his chair" She explained firmly.

"But I no sit next HER!" Shay argued, raising her voice as Nadia sat back down.

"Shh. No need to yell, we'll just put your chair here" Erin provided as a solution, moving Shay's chair to the end of the table.

"NO!"

"Shay" She tried to calm, letting the toddler know that being loud wasn't going to get her what she wanted.

"That Daddy" Shay explained, still agitated but momentarily in control of herself.

"Okay, next to me or you can sit on the floor" Erin shrugged.

"Next you. Mama I hold EmEm?" Shay asked as she settled into her chair.

"Not right now, it's breakfast time. You eat this, and be nice. I'll be back in a second" She instructed the toddler, placing her own plate in front of her. Cutting one of the slices of toast into small pieces before turning towards the kitchen.

"Don't go Mama!" Shay pleaded, wondering if she could blackmail her mother into staying by refusing to eat with the grown up fork by herself.

"I'm just getting some food, why don't you say hello to Nadia? You can ask her if she slept well" Erin suggested enthusiastically. The toddler decided against causing any more trouble at that moment and obediently followed her mother's instructions.

"You sleeped well?" Shay questioned gruffly, though she clearly didn't care for the answer.

"I did sleep well, thanks for asking Shay. What about you? Did you sleep well?" Nadia asked, attempting to continue the conversation with the grumpy little girl.

"Yes. No" Shay frowned, she had slept very well but waking up to see her mother and little sister gone, then finding an unexpected visitor in Chase's chair had unsettled her.

"Oh?" Nadia asked, genuinely interested in understanding what the toddler meant.

"Shh and eat your food Nada!" Shay scolded firmly, stabbing her fork into the scrambled eggs before her while glaring and Nadia.

"That doesn't sound nice Shay" Erin warned from the kitchen, having kept quite so she could listen to the conversation.

"But Mama" Shay complained immediately.

"She's a visitor and she's Chase's friend so you need to be nice to her" Erin informed finally, sick of Shay being hot and cold with Nadia just because she was jealous.

"Yeah them special friends...them does kissing!" Shay announced, not completely sure how it was going to further her cause but certain it needed to be brought up. Feeling victorious when Nadia flushed pink and kept quiet. She decided she needed to sneak around after being put to bed more often if it meant she could catch people doing things they weren't supposed to.

"Mhmm. Eat Shay" Erin dismissed as she finished in the kitchen, stopping to do up her shirt and make sure Ember was comfortable before stepping into the dining room. Not quick enough to control the natural reaction of raising her eyebrows when she saw Nadia, she should have known that Shay wasn't capable of constructing a lie like that.

"I'm sorry" Nadia mumbled as she continued to eat quickly.

"Why?" Erin asked before realising "Oh, don't be, it's totally fine" She almost laughed, Shay needed to learn that some relationships involved kissing.

"Mama I eated! Now I watch TB?" Shay asked hopefully, using the back of her hand to wipe some egg from her face.

"TV. Two more mouthfuls" Erin replied, pleased that everything had gone to plan. As usual Shay had only eaten one of the slices of toast, leaving the other for her mother, who had only made one on her second trip to the kitchen.

"Done" Shay declared through a mouthful of crust.

"Chew properly. And that was only one" Erin instructed without looking up.

"No!" Shay argued.

"One more or no TV" She reminded but the toddler still wasn't happy.

"Mamaaaaa" Shay whined, at just the right frequency that Erin would do almost anything to make her stop.

"Shaaaay. Eat. Now" Erin talked over the top as Shay continued.

"Done?" Shay asked hesitantly as she pushed her plate across to her mother.

"Done, off you go. Cartoons, no animals" She was sure to add, letting Shay watch documentaries alone had two consequences. Endless questions about mating and fear of being eaten by crocodiles and hippopotamus in the bathtub.

"So that's where you use your negotiations training" Nadia joked once Shay had run from the room, narrowly missing the doorway in her haste.

"Absolutely" Erin sighed, looking down at Ember, she would have to do this all again soon enough.

"You're a great Mum" Nadia assured, amazed that Erin was able to keep up with the toddler all day while losing sleep due to her baby at night. All without coffee and ice cream. She was sure she'd have a mental break down in her shoes.

"MAMA I HOLD EMMY?!" Shay shouted from the lounge room, her mother couldn't see but she was sitting nicely in preparation for holding her sister.

"DON'T YELL SHAY" Erin replied before groaning. "Shit. I'm totally not!" She told Nadia as she rapidly finished eating, on her feet and out of the room in seconds.

"YES YOU ARE" Nadia yelled after her, collecting the plates and taking them to the kitchen before wiping down the table and following Erin. "I've got to get going, thanks for breakfast" She told Erin, now sitting on the couch supervising the toddler as she cradled her sleeping baby sister.

"Anytime. Seriously, I mean anytime, you don't have to get Chase to ask us. Have a nice day" Erin smiled as she looked up.

"You too" Nadia nodded, returning the smile.

"Bye Nada" Shay surprised them both in saying.

"Bye bye Shay" Nadia answered, waving at the toddler as she turned to look for her jacket.

"And Emmy!" Shay requested.

"Bye Emmy, you have the best big sister in the world" Nadia added over her shoulder, looking at Shay instead of Ember.

"NADA I LOVE YOU!" Shay yelled in response, always elated when people said she was a good sister.

"Shay, yelling" Her mother reminded with a frown.

"Sorry Mama" Shay apologised quickly.

"I love you too Shay, goodbye" Nadia interjected from the doorway, giving a final wave before leaving the house.

"Oops Mama" Shay commented softly when Ember started to cry, the yelling had startled her but the talking prevented her from settling back to sleep.

"You woke her up with your yelling" Erin explained as she took the baby back, the firm hold of the sling calming her in no time.

"No" Shay gasped, best big sisters didn't make babies cry.

"Why don't you go get out the clothes you want to wear today? If you hurry we might be able to visit Daddy and Chase before yoga" Erin instructed, to distract the toddler before she could work herself up about waking Ember, her lip already quivering preemptively.

"Hurry, hurry, hurry!" Shay sang as she slid from the couch and headed up the stairs to her bedroom, already thinking hard about the options she had. Yoga days were almost always leggings days but she had so many colours and patterns to choose from that that hardly restricted her choices. She quickly came up with the idea of dressing like on of the insects she had found the day before, definitely not the bee though. Wasting almost ten minutes taking everything yellow or black from her drawers and stuffing it in the washing basket, the closest thing she had to a bin in her room. She hadn't made any progress when her mother arrived to check her selection, still smiling broadly after finding that Nadia had cleaned up after breakfast.

"What are you doing? Where are your clothes?" Erin questioned, there were clothes spilling from the drawer but the toddler stood looking confused.

"Mama my no like bee... My hand hurty" Shay complained, ignoring the question to stare at her hand.

"It's hurting? Let me look" She requested, crouching down to get a better look. Her hand was still a little swollen with a small red bump marking the site of the sting. "Let's get dressed and then we'll put some ouchy cream and a bandaid on it. You still have a few Tinkerbell bandaids or there are Mickey Mouse ones in the kitchen" Erin reassured, hoping the numbing cream and a bandaid would help take her mind off it.

"Umkay" Shay nodded.

"What do you want to wear princess?" She asked, trying to put everything back in it's place as the toddler pondered the question.

"No wings yoga?" Shay checked, wondering if she could be a butterfly.

"No wings at yoga" Erin confirmed.

"I be lady bug" Shay decided as she pulled out green and yellow striped leggings and a red and black spotted long sleeved dress. Erin added some underwear and socks then approved Shay's selections.

"Okay, get dressed quickly, I'll get your toothbrush. Hurry, hurry remember" Erin reminded, knowing that time was slipping away. She still had to get herself dressed then dress Ember, restock the diaper bag and tame Shay's hair. A visit to the firehouse wasn't looking likely despite their early start.

"Hurry, hurry" Shay repeated as she shed her pyjamas and started to pull on the dress backwards. Erin was conflicted, it would take the same amount of time to fix it now as it would later. With a sigh Erin changed her plans, getting Shay ready and leaving her to jump on the bed before she organised herself and Ember.

"I'm sorry Shay, but we're going to have to visit Daddy after yoga instead" Erin explained as she pushed Shay out the front door, forget visiting they were going to be late for yoga.

"Okay" Shay accepted with a shrug, climbing up into her car seat as her mother secured Ember, trying to stay calm though her hands shook. She helped Shay with her seat belt then checked Ember again. "Mama I phone?"

"You want my phone?" Erin asked, certain her heart was breaking.

"Yep" Shay nodded.

"What for?" She questioned, hoping against hope that the toddler simply wanted to play a game. Erin leaned across Shay to pull Ember's shirt down from her chin so there was nothing obscuring her face. Hating herself for conveying such uncertainty to her toddler.

"Just in case" Shay explained cautiously, desperate to be prepared for any eventuality. She hadn't had to worry when Chase was sitting in the back with them on the way to and from Molly's for the party, but now it was her responsibility again.

"Shay, Emmy is fine. You don't need my phone" Erin told the toddler firmly, wishing her two year old didn't have cause for such concern. "But if you really want to you can help me by watching her" She decided, kissing Shay's forehead as she stepped back, ready to close the door.

"Please Mama, just in case" Shay requested, hoping her manners would make the difference.

"Alright, but don't press the numbers unless I tell you to" She agreed, handing over the phone as she watched Ember, little tongue moving to suck in her sleep.

"Yep" Shay replied, replicating her father's reassuring look in response to her mother's worried frown.

"It's okay, we're all okay" Erin smiled, attempting to convince herself as much as Shay. Then she stepped back, took a deep breath and closed the door, moving quickly to get into the car. The sooner they arrived at their destination the sooner she could be sure that Ember was alright. Forced to park on the street given they were almost fifteen minutes late. "Sorry" She apologised as she entered the hall, moving quickly but not very quietly to the nearest empty space. Shay waddled along behind her mother, trying to carry their yoga mat between her legs as she held the phone carefully with both hands.

"I didn't think you were coming, sorry" Sharon apologised from directly in front of Erin.

"That's okay" Erin whispered back, Shay had put the phone aside and started to replicate the position everyone else was in. Making their late entrance even worse Ember started to wail loudly after only a few minutes, the only guaranteed way to silence her was to feed her. It would have been easy to get flustered but the understanding smiles of the other mothers and Gina's encouraging nod left Erin surprisingly relaxed.

"Come on, we'll let the girls play outside" Sharon suggested when the class finished, taking each of the girls by the hand to lead them outside.

"Mama...bees" Shay hissed when they reached the small garden between the church and hall, though there were no flying insects in sight.

"You won't get stung unless you try to catch one again" Erin reasoned, stopping to take Ember out of her car seat as Shay started to tell Caitlin about her encounter with the bee. Showing off her bandaid proudly before they started to play, chasing each other in circles around their mothers. Sharon found it hard to mask her amazement, for someone who'd had a week from hell Erin seemed to be handling everything exceptionally well. Other than appearing distracted it was as if nothing had happened. Erin was working hard to keep up the facade as thoughts swirled in her mind. Kelly's words. Nadia's words. The fear in Shay's eyes. All resurfacing to make her feel sick. She couldn't move past it, she couldn't close the door and Shay couldn't either. She had to do something so they said their goodbyes and got back in the car, stopping at the mall on their way home. Erin fitted the mirror to the headrest in the backseat and felt a little better, but there was still something else she had to do.

"Mandy Reynolds, how can I help you?" The woman answered on the fourth ring.

"Amanda? It's Erin... Severide" Erin replied, giving the phone call context.

"Oh, hello" Amanda said, sounding more than a little surprised.

"Hi. I'm sorry about the other day. I'd really like to meet you. And so would Shay. If that's okay" Erin requested, trying to sound confident. Determined to prove that she was a competent parent, if she could convince Amanda she might be able to forgive herself. She thought it would help Shay too, teaching her that the operator she had spoken to was a real person and that help was only ever a phone call away.

"Of course. When?" Amanda agreed without hesitation.

"Anytime that suits you."

"I'm working all week, except today" Amanda informed.

"We're not doing anything this afternoon" Erin suggested, now that she had taken the step of making the call she wanted to meet her straight away. If she gave herself time to think she would come to the conclusion that it was unnecessary.

"Okay, today it is" Amanda accepted.

**Thoughts? **


	127. Chapter 127

Two hours and thirty-nine minutes. That was how long Erin had to prepare herself and the girls for the meeting she had arranged with Amanda. The idea of visiting the firehouse pushed aside as she made a list of things to do when they got home. The girls would both need to eat and nap, then she needed to make sure they were both clean before dressing them nicely. Appearance wasn't everything but the first impression they made would be vital to convincing Amanda they were a normal, happy family. Mentally slapping herself Erin sighed, this wasn't about her or Amanda or Ember. This was meant to be for Shay. Even with the mirror and the explanation that she no longer needed to watch her sister as they drove the toddler couldn't bring herself to look away, concentrating on every breath her sister took. Grasping the phone in both hands so she was ready for the moment she stopped breathing. She understood that much. But no matter how many times her parents told her that Ember wasn't sick anymore her two year old brain couldn't understand that it had been a one off situation. Ember hadn't been sick the first time so there was no way of knowing if, or when, she would get sick again. Shay was so focused that she jumped when her mother's fingers brushed against her arm, reaching to depress the seat belt button now that they were home.

"You okay Shay? What're you thinking?" Erin questioned as she checked that the gate had closed before lifting the toddler out of the car. Shay didn't seem to have heard the question and stood at her mother's side as she took Ember and the diaper bag out as well. "Are you falling asleep? We have to have lunch first, then you can sleep" She tried again, a little concerned that Shay wasn't her usual talkative self.

"Mhmm" Shay nodded, following her mother up the stairs to the front door.

"What do you want for lunch?"

"Umm… egg?" Shay suggested kicking into action to remove her shoes and jacket, putting both away before they moved to the kitchen. Leaving Ember to sleep in her car seat on the bench in the corner.

"We had egg for breakfast" Erin reminded, it wasn't a refusal but she wanted to be sure the toddler was actually asking for more egg.

"Cheeses?" Shay questioned seriously, opening the fridge to assist her mother in getting the ingredient she desired.

"Melty cheese or cubes of cheese?" She asked, taking out a tomato and some sliced ham as she waited for Shay to answer.

"Both" Shay decided.

"Okay" She agreed, selecting a small carrot and some celery at the same time. Then Erin set about making their lunches. Half a toasted cheese sandwich and cubes of cheese with carrot and celery sticks for Shay and a ham and tomato sandwich and the remaining carrot and celery for herself. Settling Shay at the table before returning to the kitchen for Ember and her own lunch.

"Why carrots orange?" Shay pondered as she held up a carrot stick.

"Because" Erin answered, not sure she actually knew the answer. She did know that carrots could be purple as well but didn't think that now was the right time to explain that to Shay.

"But why?" Shay persisted.

"I don't know Shay, just eat it please" She encouraged, taking a bite of carrot to demonstrate. Adding sound effects to prove it tasted good.

"Why cheeses yellow Mama? Does you know that?" Shay asked, putting down the carrot before selecting a cube of cheese.

"Because of the fats in the milk" Erin answered with a smile, relieved that she actually knew the answer.

"No cheeses" Shay corrected with a very adolescent scowl.

"Cheese is made from milk" She explained though she was certain they had discussed this before.

"How?" Shay demanded, the cheese hovering before her mouth as she waited for an answer.

"Good question, keep eating" Erin supplied, looking at her own food to discourage further conversation. She couldn't see but the toddler put down the cube of cheese she held before picking up another, shoving it into her mouth without hesitation. Then she started on the celery, enjoying the crunchy texture enough to eat it all.

"Can I has milk Mama?" Shay asked after taking a bite of her sandwich, poking at the refused piece of cheese with her other hand.

"Really hitting the dairy today aren't you" Erin commented, wishing she could have added cheese to her sandwich. They had run out of the lactose free variety and she hadn't added it to the shopping list because she knew it was twice as expensive. At the time she was sure she could go without. "You can have some milk when you finish your sandwich" She suggested, low level bribery at its finest.

"But Mama it too hot" Shay complained, dropping the sandwich she had been eating happily up to that point.

"It's not too hot" Erin answered, finding it hard not to laugh at Shay's attempt to get her milk sooner.

"Yes is!" Shay argued.

"Okay, blow on it then" She recommended with a shrug.

"But I want milk now!" The toddler demanded, scrunching up her face to evidence her frustration.

"Then eat your sandwich now" She reasoned, smiling with satisfaction as the toddler picked up the sandwich and took a bite.

"It too melty" She complained, dropping it to her plate before spitting out the piece she had in her mouth, smearing it on the corner of her plate before wiping her hand on her shirt.

"It's exactly the same amount of melty as it normally is" Erin told her seriously.

"But it too melty" Shay insisted, tearing at the sandwich to show her mother what she meant.

"Stringy?"

"Yes, too stingy" Shay agreed, it was a very serious problem in her opinion. Just because she had eaten the same thing without complaint before didn't matter to her.

"Strrringy" Erin corrected, emphasising the 'R' sound. "Do you want me to cut it?"

"Triangles? Pleeease" Shay nodded, quick to slide her plate across the table.

"Okay, if I cut it into triangles do you promise you'll eat it?" She asked, starting to wish Shay had remained as quiet and compliant as she had been in the car.

"Yes" Shay vowed seriously, climbing up onto the table to poke her little sister's cheeks the moment her mother was out of sight. Erin busy in the kitchen cutting the two small squares into eight bite sized triangles so the toddler couldn't possibly complain further. Pouring Shay a cup of milk while she was there so she wouldn't have to get up again. "Milky!" Shay squealed excitedly as she slid back onto her chair.

"Eat first" Erin instructed, placing the plate before the toddler but keeping the cup of milk in her hand.

"But Mama me real thirsting" Shay appealed pathetically.

"Really thirsty? You can have water then. Finish your sandwich, it's only a few more bites" She encouraged, standing by her declaration.

"No it twenty-fifty Mama. I no hungry no more" Shay growled, pushing the plate away.

"No milk then" Erin shrugged, tempted to threaten to drink it. She knew by now not to make threats she couldn't follow through, Shay quite enjoyed testing her if she did.

"You meanie Mama. I no like you no more. I like Daddy bestest" Shay grumbled, unable to make eye contact.

"Eat that, drink this, go to the toilet then into bed please" Erin instructed, ignoring the toddlers words as she slid the plate back towards her, placing the cup of milk down next to it. "We have a lot to do this afternoon"

"Dada?" Shay questioned as she stuffed the sandwich pieces into her mouth, trying to drink the milk as she chewed. Even though she could have just drank the milk she couldn't bring herself to disobey her mother completely.

"After something important" Erin explained, hoping to have a conversation with Shay about the meeting with Amanda when she woke up from her nap and could pay attention.

"What 'portant?" Shay pondered, unclear as to whether she meant the word or the activity.

"I'll tell you when you've had your sleep" Erin answered as she checked her phone for the time, still two hours to go.

"Umkay. Me kisses EmEm first? And snuggle-cuddles hug?" Shay requested as she climbed down from her chair.

"Go to the toilet, wash your hands properly and you can cuddle her when you're in bed" She listed for the toddler.

"Hurry, hurry?" Shay asked, clapping her hands excitedly.

"Yes, yes" Erin nodded, breathing a sigh of relief when Shay rushed off to do as she was told. She wasn't sure she had the energy to argue with the toddler about the necessity of naptime. After finishing her own lunch and Shay's untouched carrot sticks she cleaned up and took Ember out of her car seat, leaving it near the front door as she went upstairs. Shay had left her socks and hair clips on the stairs and Erin had to be careful to avoid them. The toddler could hear her mother on the stairs, shrieking as she turned the tap the wrong way, splashing herself with water before turning it the other way until it stopped. Drying her hands on her shirt she jumped down from the stool and ran as fast as she could towards her bedroom, determined to be in bed and ready when her mother arrived. Erin had to shake her head at the way the toddler hyped herself up as she ran to her bedroom to sleep, about to call for Shay to slow down. It was too late though, Shay had been checking over her shoulder so she miscalculated the size of the doorway, running at full speed into the doorframe. Thrown backwards onto her back with the force of the impact. "Shay" Erin yelled as she took the remaining stairs two at a time, certain the lack of noise meant the toddler had been knocked out. Then came the screaming. "It's okay baby, you're okay" Erin muttered as she knelt over the toddler, grasping at her head and writhing in pain. Ember was quickly displaced as Erin made space to lift the toddler, talking to her soothingly as she carried her downstairs. Placing Ember in her bouncy chair in the lounge room she left her unattended to get ice for Shay's head.

"MAMA OUCHY!" Shay managed to yell, her first coherent words since the accident. Erin was relieved, setting her down on the kitchen bench, noticing that her nose was bleeding for the first time. She had thought the wet warmth was tears against her shoulder.

"It's okay" Erin assured as she reached for paper towels to stem the flow.

"Ma…ma…BLOOD" Shay screamed when she noticed it. She seemed as alert and articulate as she normally was but Erin wasn't sure she shouldn't be taking her to the hospital. Her nose could be broken, she was most likely concussed and she was still screaming intermittently.

"Shay. It's okay. You're okay. You just had a bit of a crash. Is your nose hurting or is it just bleeding?" Erin questioned, fearful of feeling her nose in case it was broken and did hurt Shay.

"Hurting Mama… It hurting lots and lots and lotses. I hurting Mama" Shay sniffled.

"Okay, hold this for me" Erin requested, moving Shay's hand to hold a fresh paper towel in place. She pushed the toddler back so she was leaning against the wall then grabbed a bag of peas from the freezer, wrapping them in a hand towel before pressing it to Shay's swelling forehead.

"Oh Mama!" Shay sobbed at the startling cold and pain radiating from her nose and head.

"Oh baby" She replied, grabbing a handful of paper towels to stuff into the back of her pants as she lifted the toddler, keeping the ice on her head as she carried her through to the lounge room. Setting her down on the couch and making sure she was comfortable before pulling out her phone.

"Erin? Twice in two days! I know you love me but…" Gabby answered.

"I need your help…" Erin started, about to launch into a description of what had happened when Gabby cut her off.

"Don't tell me it's Shay again?" Gabby joked.

"Yeah" Erin replied "she ran into a doorframe. Really hard. Sent her flying backwards. Her nose is bleeding and her head is bruising and swelling. Should I take her to the hospital?" Erin questioned, holding the phone with her shoulder as she replaced the paper towel yet again. Thankfully the bleeding seemed to be slowing.

"Is she conscious?" Gabby questioned, the first of many diagnostic questions she would ask.

"Yeah. Yes. Or we'd be in an ambulance by now" Erin answered quickly.

"Okay, how much blood? Is it broken?"

"I don't know? How do I know?" Erin demanded, feeling well and truly out of her depth.

"Does it look normal? Straight"

"Kind of, I don't know"

"Feel it" Gabby instructed, her voice echoing as she connected her phone to her car so she could continue talking while driving.

"I don't want to hurt her" Erin hesitated, Shay was moaning softly every few seconds, already in enough pain according to her mother.

"Right, don't worry about that. How bruised is her head? How swollen? Is she talking? Lethargic?"

"It's… oh shit… it's purple already" Erin responded after peeling away the bag of peas to get a better look. "Quite a big lump… like um… sticking out as much as her nose would if it were in the middle of her forehead. Oh god is she gonna be okay?" She demanded, wondering how best to convey both her girls to the car. Preparing for another emergency dash to the hospital. Fucking Mondays.

"You've got ice on it?" Gabby asked, leaving the question for the time being to being treatment.

"Yep" Erin confirmed.

"Good, keep it there. I'm on my way. Talking? Is she talking?"

"Yeah, she was" Erin answered rapidly.

"Is she alert?"

"Shay, look at me baby. No she's sleepy. What do I do?" Erin started to panic.

"Keep her talking, try to keep her awake but don't freak out if she loses consciousness. I'm gonna hang up so I can focus on driving, I'll be ten minutes alright" Gabby explained calmly.

"Yeah. Yeah okay" Erin nodded, daunted by the task already. "Shay Shay? Hi baby. Talk to Mama. Umm… What's Dora's favorite colour?" She questioned, trying to think of something, anything, that would get Shay talking.

"I no know" Shay answered, it wasn't something she remembered being mentioned.

"Okay, what's her friend called? The monkey?" Erin continued.

"Boots" Shay provided quickly.

"Why is he called that?"

"'Cause he wears boots Mama. Red boots. You no pay 'ttention does you? Chasey don't neither… Him saided Dora not a princess but she is. Isn't she Mama?" Shay questioned seriously, it was very important to her.

"Yes, Dora is a princess. Just like you" Erin agreed, knowing Chase had been clubbed over the head with a stuffed seal for saying otherwise.

"I princess when I wears pretty dresses and tiaras and my specialest bracelet from Chasey" Shay explained with a small smile, moaning again when that made her head hurt.

"It's a very pretty bracelet" Her mother nodded, wondering if the peas were doing anything to numb Shay's head.

"It got my name on, Chasey showed me the letters… all them letters is my names. S for Shay." She announced proudly but slowly, pausing for a long moment before continuing. "And him says I gots a miggle name. Him miggle name…umm…Edbud. Just like Eddie the Teddy on TV Mama. My miggle name not Edbud but it um…"

"Camille?" Erin provided, understanding that it was a hard name for Shay to say.

"Yep. Camel" Shay agreed.

"Close enough. Do you like that name?"

"Sorta. Maybe. Kind of… Don't know" The toddler shrugged indecisively.

"Did you know Emmy has a middle name too?" Erin questioned, sensing the conversation was losing momentum.

"What is it?" Shay asked excitedly, she liked learning new things about her baby sister.

"Colette. Because it starts with a C just like your middle name."

"Wow!"

"Yeah, that's pretty special huh?"

"Very very special" Shay nodded, before blinking one eye at a time, causing her mother's concern to grow. "Do I have go hostible? I feel sick"

"Don't worry about that, you're okay" Erin guaranteed, though she remained uncertain.

"No I feel si…" Shay managed before vomiting all over herself.

"Oopsie" Erin mumbled, glad for the excessive number of paper towels she had grabbed. She started at Shay's chin and wiped away as much as she could before pulling out her phone again. She couldn't call Gabby but she was hesitant to take the step of calling for an ambulance. This made it certain, she really was a terrible parent. Scrolling through her contacts she found Will Halstead, hesitating for a second before pressing the call button.

"Doctor Halstead" Will answered, so quickly that he had to have been holding his phone.

"Will, it's Erin. Shay's hurt. She ran into a wall, hit her head. She's conscious and talking but she just vomited, that's bad right? Should I bring her to the hospital? Call an ambulance?..." She questioned, only stopping when she couldn't think of an alternative.

"Um… You might want to bring her in. Or I can come to you? I'm on a lunch break so it's no trouble" Will offered, already on his feet and walking towards his car.

"Okay. I'll text you the address" Erin accepted, extraordinarily thankful to have friends with medical expertise.

"She'll be okay" Will assured before ending the phone call. Erin quickly sent a message with their address before starting to talk to Shay again, letting the toddler lead the conversation this time.

"I sorry Mama…them cheesy triangles was real yummy and not too hot melty" Shay cried a little while later when she linked her poor behavior with the loss of her lunch.

"Don't worry baby. You can have more cheesy triangles later. Are you feeling better? Or are you going to be sick again?" Erin questioned, not worried by the change in subject. She'd rather talk about vomit than Dinosaur Dragon Fairy Princesses with butterfly wings, too much to keep track of. Before Shay could answer there was a knock at the door, Erin quickly got up to let Gabby in.

"She still conscious?" Gabby questioned as she followed Erin through to the lounge room.

"Yeah. But she vomited" Erin informed, stepping aside so that Gabby could assess Shay properly.

"Hi sweetie, how are you feeling?"

"My hurty and I frewed up all my cheesy triangles and milks… and celery. It yucky. But I can't smell it 'cause all the bloods comin' out my nose. Not snot it blood… see" Shay answered, seemingly thrilled by the strange bodily fluids.

"Ah… I do see. Do you mind if I have a proper look?" Gabby asked as she knelt down in front of Shay.

"You need glasses like Grampy Russ?" Shay asked seriously, he always had to get his glasses before he could have a proper look.

"Nope. Can I touch it?"

"Why?"

"I just want to make sure your nose is alright" Gabby explained.

"Ask Daddy! He steals my nose all the time" Shay complained with huff.

"She seems fine" Gabby laughed as she turned to Erin. "I don't want to steal your nose, I just want to touch it."

"Yes" Shay answered with a single nod, her head still hurt, just not as much.

"Does that hurt?" Gabby enquired as she applied pressure to the bridge of Shay's nose.

"My hurty" Shay sighed.

"Does it hurt when I poke here? Yes or no?"

"Or no" Shay decided after a moment.

"You sure?"

"Yep"

"Doesn't feel broken and she seems to think it's okay. And it's stopped bleeding" Gabby told Erin, taking the paper towel from Shay before the toddler could push it any further up her nostril in search of more red ooze.

"So she'll be okay?" Erin asked, it had seemed so much worse in the moments before Gabby had arrived.

"WILL! I frewed up!" Shay proclaimed as the doctor made his way into the lounge room, the door had been unlocked so he had entered unannounced.

"Hi" Will nodded, looking from Shay to Erin and then to Gabby.

"Didn't trust me?" Gabby questioned, a smile already forming.

"Sorry" Erin apologized, failing to pick up on the intended humor.

"No. A second opinion, from a doctor, is probably a good idea. Her nose doesn't feel broken and she's quite alert" Gabby assured, first talking to Erin and then to Will.

"She did hit the doorframe pretty hard. It's solid timber…" Erin tried to justify, hoping they didn't think it was an overreaction.

"I'll have a look" Will smiled as he crossed the room, taking a seat next to the toddler. "Hi little worm" He greeted, replacing her hand with his own to hold the peas in place.

"I not worm. You worm, I caughted a worm. It was slimy" Shay informed. Will had called her a worm in the hospital cafeteria a week ago and he didn't seem to have forgotten.

"And am I slimy?" He questioned seriously, removing the peas as he looked at the bump on her head.

"No…" Shay answered, distracted by the silly look on his face so much that she didn't feel his fingers pressing on her forehead.

"So I'm not a worm" He reasoned.

"I not slimy!" Shay agreed, proving that she wasn't a worm either.

"But you threw up! That made you slimy. Like a worm" He argued playfully.

"That was 'cause the cheeses too melty and I crashed real bad" Shay explained, looking up at his finger for the first time.

"Here's a worm. Look at the worm. Now he's here. Over here now. Up high. Wriggly wormy. He's coming to get you" Will supplied, taking advantage of her attention to force her to track his finger with her eyes. "Okay kiddo, rest up and stop running into walls!" He instructed, handing the thawed bag of peas to Erin as he stood.

"It accident" Shay frowned, laying back on the couch as she yawned widely.

"She seems fine. The rate at which head injuries swell and bruise always makes them seem worse than they are. She probably hit the wall hard but she's little and kids tend to bounce" Will explained.

"You're not worried about her sleeping?" Erin questioned, noticing that the toddler was starting to drift off.

"Doesn't she normally nap now?" He questioned. He remembered that she had been napping when he'd checked in on Emmy after his lunch break so he assumed it was part of their routine.

"Yeah she does" Erin nodded, feeling embarrassed for appearing so paranoid.

"I promise she's fine. Minor concussion at best. There's nothing they could do at the hospital that you haven't done or can't do here. Let her sleep. Give her some children's Panadol when she wakes up and keep an eye on her. If she vomits again, has problems balancing, has a seizure…" He stopped when he noticed the alarmed look on Erin's face. "That's not likely. She might have a headache for a few days, only give her medication if she asks for it and always follow the instructions on the packaging" He finished, the last part something he had said hundreds of times before.

"Okay" Erin acknowledged, though she continued to check on Shay every few seconds, just to be sure.

"You did the right thing" Will comforted, knowing from experience that parents often struggled as the adrenaline of a situation wore off. "I've gotta get back to work but I'll keep my phone with me, call me if you need anything at all."

"Thank you so much" Erin replied, doing her best to smile.

"She's Jay's godkid, she's cute and it's an excuse to get out of the hospital" He shrugged as he walked backwards towards the doorway, turning into the hallway to let himself out.

"I've got to go pick Aiden up" Gabby said apologetically, breaking the silence they'd fallen into as they watched Shay sleeping.

"Where is he?" Erin questioned, only now realizing that Gabby had probably dropped everything to rush over and help.

"Daycare, I start back at work next week so he's on a trial and I've been hitting the books. Thanks for the opportunity to practice" Gabby laughed, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"No problem" Erin shrugged, taking a deep breath before giving a genuine smile.

"You alright?" Gabby asked, pulling Erin into an unexpected hug. When Aiden had split his lip on the coffee table she had completely lost her mind, barely catching herself before dialing 911.

"Yeah" Erin replied after a moment, only hesitating because she wasn't sure when she was going to be released from the hug.

"You sure? I can call Severide if you want" Gabby offered seriously, holding eye contact until Erin looked away as Ember started to cry.

"Please don't. She's fine. I'm fine. Emmy's hungry" She assured, moving to pick up her baby before she woke her sister with her wailing.

"Alright, take it easy. Call me anytime for anything" Gabby concluded sincerely.

"Thank you" Erin nodded.

"Anytime" Gabby repeated as Erin led the way to the front door, holding it open for her then waving from the doorway until she got in her car and pulled away.

"Okay baby, time for lunch" Erin muttered to Ember as she closed and locked the door making her way back to the lounge room. Cracking open a window before taking a seat at Shay's feet, seeing Shay hurt made her feel nauseous and the smell of vomit lingered. Only letting the toddler sleep in her soiled clothes because she didn't want to wake her to change her. At least not until she had settled Ember, scratching with sharp fingernails in her search for her mother's breast. "Shh" Erin soothed, trying to relax herself as much as her baby, stroking Ember's cheek until she found a steady rhythm. Ember was happy and Shay was asleep, for a moment that was enough. Then she remembered the meeting with Amanda and her heart rate rose again, leaning forward to get her phone from the coffee table to check the time. There was still an hour and fifteen minutes, meaning she had forty-five minutes to get the girls ready before they needed to leave. She wasn't sure that was possible so she was forced to consider postponing for half an hour to an hour, if that suited Amanda, or canceling all together. Not only was her hope of making a good first impression ruined, given the substantial swelling and bruising to Shay's head, more importantly she had no way of knowing if Shay would be up to an outing.

**I had every intention of covering the rest of the day in this chapter but somehow this got really wordy... Okay so that somehow is mostly in Shay's dialogue. I really love the way she's developing (Do you?) and writing her makes me smile. Hurting her makes me cringe! Oh and I hope you don't mind that I slipped the F word in - it's the first time I've used an expletive outside of dialogue but it 'felt' right (if you know what I mean). Anyway this was the best place to cut it and I promise that Kelly and Chase will feature in tomorrow's chapter! Sorry :D**


	128. Chapter 128

"Amanda?" Erin asked as she approached the table, the redhead was the only woman sitting alone in the café so it was a fair assumption to make. Erin was glad she had given up caring about first impressions because she was sure she looked flustered, though internally she was strangely calm. For the moment anyway. Carrying Ember's car seat in one hand, with Shay on the opposite hip and the diaper bag slung over her shoulder it was hard not to appear ruffled.

"Erin, it's lovely to meet you" Amanda smiled as she stood up, wondering how to render assistance to the overloaded mother. Erin had everything under control though, placing Ember down next to the vacant chair, dropping the diaper bag and giving it a shove with her foot until it was stowed safely under the table then taking a seat. Shay remained in her arms, cuddled into her mother's shoulder as she sucked her little finger.

"Sorry we're late, Shay had a bit of an accident and we had to see a doctor" Erin explained before Amanda saw Shay's bruised forehead. Given the circumstances surrounding their meeting it was important to Erin to establish that she did in fact take good care of her girls.

"That's fine. I didn't expect you to be on time with two little ones. Is Shay okay?" Amanda accepted, looking at the toddler with great interest.

"Yeah, you're alright aren't you bub?" Erin asked Shay, pulling her hand away from her mouth to encourage her to talk. From the moment she had woken up on the couch she had barely stopped. Until now, when her mother's anxiety and the foreign environment subdued her.

"I tough like a dinosaur!" Shay answered quickly before making her best angry dinosaur noise. Erin wasn't sure she wanted to see the expression on the other woman's face so she kept her eyes on Shay.

"Say hello to Amanda" She coached, hoping that the toddler didn't repeat the entire phrase as she sometimes did.

"Hello" Shay complied, looking up at her mother instead of at the stranger. She didn't sound anything like the lady on the phone and Shay remained skeptical that they were the actually same person. Despite the most serious conversation she could remember having with her mother, it had lasted so long that all the bubbles in her bath dissolved before they were finished.

"Hello Shay, it's lovely to meet you. I love your shirt. Orange is my favourite colour" Amanda replied enthusiastically.

"So…um" Erin filled when the toddler didn't say anything.

"How's uh… Sorry, what was your little one's name?" Amanda questioned, looking around the table to where Ember continued to sleep in her car seat.

"Ember. She's fine now. It was an allergic reaction to being vaccinated" Erin explained, reinforcing that she had been in no way responsible for the emergency situation.

"Emmy my baby sister you know?" Shay asked Amanda seriously, turning in her mother's lap to place both her hands on the table.

"I did know that, did you know that we talked about her on the phone?" Amanda responded, giving the toddler a friendly smile.

"She was sick" Shay nodded.

"But she's better now" Erin assured, patting Shay's little thighs as she spoke. "Thank you, it could have turned out very differently" She added to Amanda.

"Just doing my job" Amanda shrugged, Erin knew she had said the same thing on numerous occasions. It wasn't something they were trained to say, it was the truth. Their jobs involved helping people, knowing that was enough of a reward. "I'm very glad that everything turned out alright. Your call really stood out for me; I didn't know that Shay was safe and she's the youngest person I've ever taken a call from. She's very bright for two" Amanda finished.

"Big girl two" Shay contributed, much preferring being the one doing the talking than being the one talked about.

"Thank you" Erin nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of Shay's head.

"So Shay, can you tell me what happened after we stopped talking?" Amanda asked hopefully, particularly curious to know how long the toddler had wandered for before being found and reunited with her mother.

"Um…" Shay mumbled, looking to her mother for more information.

"At the hospital"

"I sorry" Shay whispered looking uncertainly at her phone friend, now real person, across the table.

"You don't need to be sorry. The phone ran out of battery" Erin explained quickly, she was the one who was supposed to be sorry. Leaving Shay behind was something she would always regret.

"No Mama. She tolded me stay at door and I went walkin' all the loooooong way 'vencha to the hostible" Shay argued, hating to admit that she had done the wrong thing.

"You walked to the front of the hospital?" Amanda asked, encouraging Shay to continue. She had and adorable way of speaking and was surprisingly easy to understand at such a young age.

"Yep. Big 'vencha" Shay agreed, sighing dramatically to emphasis just exhausting her journey had been.

"Then what?"

"Um…" Shay stumbled, having lost her train of thought she sought her mother's guidance again.

"Who did you find?" Erin prompted.

"Peter Mills!" Shay exclaimed, not sure she had ever been more thrilled to see the paramedic her father always referred to using both his names.

"You found Mills and Brett and they brought you in to me" She finished, kissing Shay again as she cuddled her to her chest.

"And Will!" Shay added, remembering the way the silly doctor had made her laugh even when she was scared.

"Yeah" Erin nodded.

"I'm really glad you went on an adventure and found help. The hospital sent the nurse to the wrong entrance. I forgot to tell them... so I should be the one saying sorry" Amanda explained, frustration and guilt mixing in her voice. The revelation made Erin raise her eyebrows, seeing the parallels in the way they blamed themselves. It also helped to explain why Amanda had followed up on the call even though it was against the rules.

"It okay" Shay comforted, both women had slipped into contemplative thought and were surprised by Shay's intuitive response.

"Well you were so very brave that I brought you a present" Amanda said as she snapped out of her thoughts, reaching down to her bag. She rifled around for a moment then pulled out a fluffy white teddy bear, dressed in the navy uniform of a paramedic. Holding it out for Shay, the toddler was instantly mesmerized. Wondering if the toy was as soft as it looked.

"Mama?" Shay asked, looking to her mother for approval.

"Wow, a teddy bear. What do you say?" Erin urged, taking a moment to give Amanda an appreciative smile as she took the teddy and handed it to Shay. The toddler was too occupied clutching the toy to her chest, stroking the synthetic fur on its face.

"Please thank you excuse me?" Shay provided out of obligation, not looking up from her new toy.

"Thank you" Erin elaborated, wanting the toddler to show her manners properly.

"Thank you" Shay repeated happily, this time making eye contact.

"I hope you like it" Amanda smiled, pleased to see the toddler happy. The women looked at each other for a long time, an unspoken understanding forming between them. Looking away to notice Shay's grin fading.

"It not my birfday… For Em Bear?" Shay realised, holding the toy out to the side for her little sister.

"No Shay, it's for you. Sometimes when you do really good things, like helping me with the phone and being brave, you get presents" Erin explained, making sure to put parameters around the statement so the toddler didn't expect presents every time she did the right thing.

"But Emmy?" Shay persisted, her sister was the reason she had received the present at all and no matter how soft, no toy could ever replace Roary.

"It's for you Shay" Her mother said firmly, bringing the toy back to her chest.

"Can I share?" Shay pleaded hopefully.

"Of course" Erin conceded, helping Shay to place the bear in the car seat on Ember's feet.

"Shay, do you like colouring in?" Amanda asked, surprised that Shay had been so quick to pass on the gift but not unprepared. The question was so unexpected for Shay that again she waited for her mother to answer for her.

"Yes?" Shay managed with great uncertainty following her mother's nod of encouragement.

"Well then, you share the teddy bear with your sister and this can be just for you, she's too little for colouring" Amanda explained as she handed across a booklet. It was an educational resource designed for older children but the first few pages were illustrations of emergency service vehicles and their passengers to be coloured.

"Thank you" Shay almost squealed, looking at the cover and clapping excitedly.

"That's okay. Do you know what that is?" Amanda asked as she reached across the table to point at the first picture.

"Firetruck!" Shay answered without needing to think. "And that Daddy!" She added, jabbing her finger at the fireman that stood next to the firetruck.

"Oh, is your Daddy a fireman?" Amanda enquired, looking to Erin for confirmation.

"And Chasey" Shay added.

"Your brother right?" Amanda checked, trying to remember the details of the brief phone conversation she had had with the little girl.

"Big brother Chasey" Shay confirmed.

"Do you know what this one is?" Amanda continued, enjoying the interaction.

"Polices" Shay provided just as quickly.

"You're so smart."

"Mama it JayJay? Or 'tonio or Uncle Adam-Kev, or umm...'linsky, Grandpa Hanky…" Shay listed with ease, thinking of her favourite uncles.

"What about if it was a girl? Who could it be then?" Erin challenged, wondering how the toddler would respond.

"Aunty Kimmy? Or Nada… Or you Mama!" Shay remembered at the last moment, shaking her head and laughing at her own silliness.

"You said you were a detective!" Amanda recalled triumphantly after a moment, she had been trying to work out how the toddler seemed to know so many police officers.

"Yeah, my…" She froze, wondering what to call them. Unit just didn't seem to signify just how important they were.

"Family" Shay supplied unexpectedly.

"Yep, they're our family" Erin agreed, pressing her lips to the toddler's cheek for a second.

"I think you'll know this one too then" Amanda interrupted, drawing Shay's attention back to the booklet.

"Um…" Shay struggled, not knowing the word.

"She doesn't. It's an ambulance Shay, to take people to the hospital when they're sick or hurt. The people who drive ambulances are called paramedics" Erin taught her inquisitive daughter.

"I know them!" Shay declared, though she wasn't yet brave enough to test the new words. They were very long and she'd like to hear them a few more times before attempting to say them.

"Yeah you do. One of them visited today after lunch" Erin led.

"Aunty Gabby?"

"Yes and Brett and Mills are paramedics too" Erin added, only increasing Shay's wondrous look.

"Will the worm?" Shay questioned, tilting her head to the side a she tried to work out if she had seen him near an ambulance.

"Will's a doctor, he waits at the hospital for the ambulance to bring people to him" Erin informed.

"Sicky hurty" Shay nodded sympathetically.

"Exactly" Erin replied, smoothing Shay's hair back carefully to avoid the lump on her forehead.

"And you see the numbers on all of these pictures, nine, one, one. They're the numbers you call in an emergency, when someone is sick or when there's a fire..." Amanda added, deciding it was an opportunity to further Shay's understanding of emergency protocol.

"I did them" Shay announced proudly, she didn't often get to press the numbers but she had done so successfully when she'd needed to.

"Mhmm, that was special though. Usually the help comes to you but we were already driving so I just needed Amanda to tell the doctors, like Will, that we were coming" Erin expanded.

"Have ask Mama before visitin'" Shay replied, it was a rule that usually applied when she talked with her friends but she could see how it would translate.

"Yes, you always have to ask Mama or an adult before calling. Do you think you can remember all of that?" Amanda asked, it seemed like a lot but Shay had already put parts into practice so she had quite a head start.

"Yes" Shay answered determinedly.

"Good girl" Amanda smiled, pleased to receive a smile in response.

"Mama I want my carrots and cheeses" Shay requested now that the conversation was coming to an end.

"Okay" Erin nodded, leaning down to retrieve the plastic container from the top of the diaper bag, unclipping it and setting it before the toddler. Glad she had packed the food even though Shay had argued that she wasn't hungry. She was but she didn't want to risk vomiting again.

"Did you want coffee?" Amanda asked with a laugh, they were supposed to be meeting for coffee.

"Uh… no… I'll just get a juice" Erin answered hesitantly, working out how best to get up without disturbing Shay too much.

"I'll get it. What type?" Amanda offered.

"You don't have to..." Erin assured, suspecting that an outright refusal would be impolite.

"Please" Amanda persisted as she got up, with ease given there wasn't anyone occupying her lap, or at her feet.

"Apple?" Erin provided, both questioningly and thankfully.

"Sure, I'll be right back" Amanda smiled as she got up, heading across to the counter to order,.

"Make sure you chew properly" Erin reminded Shay, the crunching of carrot reminding her that Shay needed to be careful. If she ate too quickly she could make herself sick again, something they both hoped to avoid.

"Mmm" Shay acknowledged, slowing her eating as much as she could. Erin looked down to check on Ember and was surprised to see her awake, tongue protruding in concentration as she reached for the teddy bear before her.

"Do you want your own chair?" Erin asked, offering independence to Shay.

"Not really"

"Okay well I'm going to get Emmy so don't wiggle too much" She explained as she bent to the side, pulling faces at the baby as she lifted her free of the car seat.

"I snuggle cuddle?" Shay enquired hopefully.

"Later" Erin answered, they were close enough already and the café wasn't the right place for the sisters to snuggle.

"Umkay" Shay accepted, turning back to her food for the time being. Amanda returned and the two adults discussed the weather as they sipped their drinks. Shay interrupted to demand some of her mother's juice then had an idea of something she could do to entertain herself. "I colour?"

"If you can find your pencils" Erin agreed, helping the toddler down to the floor so she could search through the diaper bag for the small pencil case. While the women kept the conversation very general they had both found an inner peace in the knowledge that even though they had both made errors, everything had turned out well.

"Thank you so much for meeting me" Amanda concluded as she got up, her coffee was long gone and Shay had scribbled across all three of the pictures. Ember had returned to sleep after enjoying the sound of her mother's voice, curled awkwardly to suck on her foot.

"Thank you too" Erin replied as she stood to farewell Amanda. Exiting the café was much easier than entering had been, not just because Shay was happy to walk along behind her mother. "Now we can go see Daddy" Erin enthused as she packed the girls into the car, smiling as Shay cheered and clapped. She didn't ask for her mother's phone this time and Erin knew she had done the right thing, now she just had to tell her husband.

"Woah Shay! I know you like Triceratops but you didn't have to become one!" Chase exclaimed in surprise as the toddler came into view. Stopping in her tracks then bursting into tears as the entire squad turned to look at her. She didn't see her father's concerned look, only half a dozen pairs of eyes staring straight at her forehead. Erin arrived then to scoop up the toddler, frowning at the men who sat transfixed.

"What happened?" Kelly asked as he got up, crossing the space between them and placing a hand on Shay's back. Rubbing soft circles as she burrowed further into her mother's underarm, angered by the attention she usually loved.

"She wasn't looking where she was going and ran into a doorframe" Erin explained handing Ember over so she could adjust the way she held Shay.

"Is she okay? Are you okay?" He questioned. He had been hoping that the lack of communication meant they were having a nice quiet day. They deserved and needed one but it appeared their day had been anything but.

"Can we go talk in your office?" She asked, looking past him to the rest of the squad. Erin didn't intend for it to come across that way but he immediately assumed that that meant the answer to his questions was no.

"Yeah of course" He agreed, placing an arm around his wife's shoulders as he guided her through the firehouse to his office, flicking the light then closing the door and blinds once they were inside.

"Snuggle cuddles?" Shay asked as she emerged, knowing her mother would be more likely to agree to keep her happy.

"Okay" Erin answered, taking a moment to settle the girls on the bed. Shay curling around her little sister to cuddle her, while a pillow tucked on Ember's other side kept her safe.

"Come here" Kelly requested when Erin stepped back to watch the girls. She didn't seem to hear him so he went to her instead, pulling her into his arms to hold her safely.

"I met Amanda" She confessed flatly.

"Who?" He asked, annoyed with himself, he should know and it did sound familiar. He just couldn't remember.

"Amanda, the 911 operator" She explained quickly.

"Why? Er... I thought you didn't want to" He said softly, confusion growing at her change of heart.

"I didn't... I needed to. I had to. For Shay. When you said 'closure or something' you were right" She told him, smiling up at him before cuddling against his chest. Returning his sure grip.

"Okay, but when did you decide? I would have come with you..." Kelly vowed, feeling like he should have been more present for her. His time off had been used to entertain Shay so Erin could focus on Ember, he should have known by now that leaving his wife alone with her thoughts was dangerous.

"Shay asked for my phone. When we were going to yoga she wanted my phone so she could call 911 when her sister stopped breathing. I can't, we can't, let her think that that's ever going to happen again. I don't want her living in fear. So we talked about it and we met Amanda, she was nice, it was a chance for her to learn that it's not going to happen again... but if it does... or any emergency... She knows what to do. That's important" Erin explained seriously.

"I understand that but I just... It's fine, totally fine. You did what you felt you needed to do for our girls. I love you for that. But you didn't need to do it alone, I'm here for you always" He reminded, placing his hand on the back of her neck, fingers tangling in her hair.

"And I would have asked you to come but I just had to do it. I feel so much better now. Amanda was too busy feeling guilty to judge me. I don't care about that anymore though, I'm done. We're fine and it's behind us now" She promised. Sliding her hands into the back pockets of his pants, warming them and ensuring they were held close together.

"Look at me" He requested unemotively.

"I'm serious, I've moved on" She argued, hesitant to look at him in case he saw something that made him think she was lying.

"No... I need you to look at me so I can kiss you" He laughed, moving his hand from her neck to her chin, turning her head up so she was force to look into his steely blue eyes.

"Okay" She smiled, relaxing into his embrace as his mouth found hers. Other than looking over her shoulder to check the girls they remained like that, the temperature in the room seeming to increase until they had to break apart.

"We'll stay here for dinner" He told her, smiling broadly as he ran his fingers through her hair, making sure she looked just as perfect as she had when she'd arrived. She didn't realise it was that late already but didn't argue with his declaration, relieved not to have to cook. They each took one of their daughters and made their way back into the communal space, staying together even when they led separate conversations. Chase made a point of apologising to Shay but she didn't forgive him until he gave her strawberry flavoured ice cream for dessert. Then, with both girls fast asleep, it was time to get them home and put them to bed. Looking forward to getting home to bed themselves, it had been a long day for both of them. "I'm proud of you" Kelly whispered to his wife, holding her close as he felt himself slipping into a deep slumber.

"I love you" Erin replied, his words making sure she fell asleep with a smile on her lips.

**Not exactly what I had planned but not too bad either. I would have liked more Linseride time but once again this seemed to grow very rapidly. **

**Today I did something I've been wanting to do for a little while: I started an Instagram account (HogwartsPrincess11587) for all things Baby Severide/Linseride. If you have an account go follow me and check out the face morphs I made of Shay and Emmy. I'll follow back and try to post whenever I'm not writing, studying or sleeping :D**


	129. Chapter 129

**Hello! Massive apology. I was having such a great day that after posting 'Choice' I went out for lunch. Long story short I ended up having an allergic reaction to the food and I couldn't take my medication (well I tried and then proceeded to throw it up) which made it a whole lot worse. I am okay and I hope this is long enough to make up for it :D**

"Shh" Erin soothed, continuing to pat Ember's thigh as the infant sucked slowly but rhythmically, not yet full enough to give up and return to sleep. She always took her time during early morning feeds, unlike any other time of the day when she simply couldn't drink fast enough to satisfy her hunger. At times it was annoying but, despite the early hour, Erin was in an incredibly good mood, enjoying the quiet moment with her baby. Normal was perfect. Her baby was perfect. Folding back the mitten cuffs of her pyjama sleeves to hold her little hands, reminding herself to cut her tiny sharp fingernails when she fell asleep. Erin could feel that she was being watched, the sleepy gaze intensifying into a steady stare until she couldn't help but look at him. Kelly was smiling broadly, all traces of sleep gone from his face as he watched his wife and daughter. Heart filled with peace and joy at the sight. Her body cast a shadow across his face, the lamp on its dimmest setting beside her so he wouldn't be disturbed by the light. "You should sleep" Erin whispered, releasing Ember's hand so she could reach across and run her fingers through his hair. Massaging his scalp with soft circular motions to lull him back to sleep.

"Mmm" He agreed, though he made no attempt to comply. Keeping his eyes locked with hers as his hand broke free of the blankets, grasping hers so he could press it to his mouth. First a single kiss on the back then more, trailing his way up her fingers to her fingertips. Watching her try to resist the urge to smile, trying to hide it as she turned to look at the clock. It wasn't quite two in the morning but she didn't feel at all sleepy. Her husband clearly didn't either. But Ember did, eyelids starting to droop as she slowed further, dribbling as she forgot to swallow.

"Sorry" She apologized as she pulled her hand away, placing the burp cloth in under Ember's chin before tracing her eyebrows. Waiting until her eyelids stopped fluttering and her tongue stopped moving, mouth agape as her mother lifted her carefully. Patting and rubbing her back for a moment before getting up slowly. Erin rocked her gently, just to be sure she was asleep, then kissed her forehead before lowering and tucking her into the crib. She turned, hesitating for a moment as she tried to read her husband's expression, soft, forgotten smile, eyes looking through her, forehead creased. It didn't change as she approached, climbing into bed beside him she gave him one last chance before reaching over to flick the light switch. Not that there was much point, she wasn't tired and even if she was he was thinking far too loudly. She rolled away from him, hoping he would come to his senses and curl around her. He didn't and after a few moments she found the position uncomfortable, rolling the other way instead. Face on the edge of her pillow, mirroring him, his breath warm on her face. It was calming for a little while and she felt guilty for wanting more, maybe if he relaxed she would be able to sleep she reasoned as she reached across. He acted as if he'd been electrocuted, body stiffening almost violently before relaxing again. "Sorry"

"I'm sorry, I was just…" He started, suddenly alert.

"What were you thinking?" She enquired gently, using her thumb to relax his forehead.

"Oh… ah… nothing" He dismissed quickly.

"Okay" She accepted, sighing softly before moving towards him. If he didn't want to talk he was going to have to deal with being cuddled. He attempted to resist, shifting nervously, but she persisted. Almost laughing when she pressed against him, strange behavior suddenly making sense. "Aw babe"

"I'm sorry" He apologized, she could hear his embarrassment and knew she was a terrible person for smiling.

"I love you" She assured, pressing her thigh against his arousal teasingly.

"I love you too, just, stay on your side of the bed" He groaned, pushing her away as he rolled onto his back.

"Seriously? Get some initiative!" She demanded in a harsh whisper, everything seemed much louder when the world around them was silent.

"Shh! And I would but that isn't fair on you! You're not supposed to say no and I don't want to you to lose sleep… I was being considerate" He explained.

"You're being an idiot. If I wanted to sleep I'd be on my side of the bed. Sleeping. I'm not though, I'm here" She encouraged, snuggling even closer, if that was possible.

"Are you sure?" He questioned seriously, taking her hand from his chest, a kiss, a squeeze and then he released it.

"Yes" She nodded grabbing his hand, fingernails digging in as she dragged it to her chest.

"Really?" He asked, though the way her heart rate soared beneath his fingers left little doubt in his mind.

"Yes. No more questions. Just kiss me" She commanded.

"Anything for my beautiful wife" He sighed, feigning reluctance as he rolled, trapping her beneath him as his mouth neared. Anxious that he would somehow miss in the darkness, wanting her to breathe or speak so he could double check his trajectory. He should have known that she wouldn't leave it to chance, hands gripping either side of his face as she leaned in to him. Dominating the kiss from the moment their lips met, hard, fierce, determined to get what she wanted. Satisfied that she had provided a thorough demonstration she busied her hands removing his shirt. Just to torment her Kelly grazed his lips over hers repeatedly, pulling back each time she tried to capture them, crushing the shirt between them to make her struggle. With a growl she let go of the fabric, desperate for more of his mouth. Kelly's strong neck and back muscles gave him the advantage, no matter how hard she tried to force their faces together he managed to resist. Turning his head to kiss her tense arms softly.

"Babe" She whined.

"Shh. Just slow down" He instructed, kissing her until she tried to take control whereupon he reverted to resisting.

"I don't want slow" She complained, hooking a leg around him as she ran her hands up what she'd managed to expose of his back.

"I know" He chuckled softly, holding her jaw firmly as he kissed her again. Erin remained frustrated but quickly learned that he would give her exactly what she desired if she just relaxed. Occasionally testing him with her tongue or teeth, always surprised and disappointed at the resultant untimely termination of a perfectly good kiss. She knew it was risky but allowed herself to smile when his hand slid down the back of her pants. They were both wishing them gone, along with the rest of their clothes, but apart from continuing to tug at his shirt Erin didn't dare act on the compulsion. When they were finally discarded it happened very quickly, tossed anywhere and everywhere. Neither could wait a moment longer and Erin was so grateful he didn't make her. The need to keep quiet all but forgotten in the heat of the moment. Or perhaps that was just a result of the proximity of her mouth to his ear, sucking his earlobe when she remembered to between breathing and moaning. Noises that evaporated his self-control entirely, frantic movements resulted in more moans and an exhilarating cycle was born. It couldn't and wouldn't last long. A sharp grunt followed by silence, the pain of her teeth on his ear lost in the sensory overload. Breathlessness, then his lips, dancing across every inch of skin he could find. Recovering unhurriedly.

"I love you" She reminded, feeling privileged that he allowed her to maneuver his mouth to hers.

"I know" He nodded.

"And I'm sorry" She added after a moment, he knew the look she'd have in her eyes well enough that he didn't need to see it.

"Why?" There were a number of things she could be apologizing for and he was curious to know how her mind worked.

"I'm a control freak" She admitted.

"I knew that when I married you" He shrugged, kissing her nose.

"But still… We can go slow next time" She offered hopefully.

"What makes you think there'll be a next time?" He questioned, there was another apology she had to make first.

"I'm sorry about that too" She assured, running a thumb along the curve of his ear, extra gentle when she reached the lobe, both quite surprised that she hadn't pierced the skin. "I'd offer to kiss it better but I think that would make it worse."

"Keep your mouth away from my ear and I'll consider it" He supplied truthfully.

"Please" She nodded.

"Well… seeing as we're going slow... I might just… start… now" He proposed, fingers moving her hair aside as he turned his attention to her neck. Making her shudder with his breath alone.

"Mhmm" She agreed, it would be a challenge but she determined.

"If you're sure I'm not keeping you up" He reasoned, leaning back to await her answer.

"I'm sure" She answered lazily, drawing a fingertip along his arm at the same leisurely pace.

* * *

"Mama? Daddy? Wakey!" Shay announced as she climbed the foot of the bed, standing at their feet with her hands on her hips as she looked down on them. Unmoving, limbs tangled beneath the sheet. "Mama! Daddy! WAKE UP!" She attempted again, clapping her hands and stomping a foot. Nothing. She couldn't see them open an eye, look at each other for a second then close it again, a silent agreement. "WAKE UP! It morning!" She informed, trying to plot a route to their heads, considerate enough not to want to walk on them. "MAMA. DADDY. WAKE UP. IT MORNING" She yelled, they probably couldn't hear her because she was so far away so she increased the volume.

"Shay shhh!" Erin hissed, unable to ignore her screeching any longer. If she woke her little sister there would be no chance of getting back to sleep.

"It morning" Shay informed, bouncing on their bed, delighted that it had worked.

"Shay, go play" Kelly instructed sleepily, burying his face in his wife's hair.

"We play dinosaur Daddy?" Shay questioned excitedly. "Please" She added when he didn't reply.

"No, go play in your room" He encouraged, careful to be gentle so she didn't think she was in trouble.

"Why?"

"Because we're sleeping" He answered, ignoring his wife's groan. The questioning had begun and in typical two year old fashion Shay would continue to hound them relentlessly until she got her way.

"Why? It morning you know" She explained, with their curtains closed it was still quite dark in their room.

"Shhh" Kelly replied, deciding not to talk to her any further. They were both waiting for the next question, certain it was going to be a big one given how long it was taking her to formulate, but then she climbed off the bed. Two sighs of relief in place of the cheers they felt like giving. Their joy was short lived though, her footsteps didn't lead her out of the room, just to the window. Shay was barely tall enough but she managed to pull open the curtains, flooding the room with light, turning quickly to look at her parents expectantly. Erin moved to drape her arm over her face but otherwise there was no reaction. Shay frowned, both at their messy room and the lack of reaction.

"I hungry Daddy" Shay informed as she crossed back to the bed, pulling on the arm that hung over the edge. "Daddy?" She questioned, tugging harder to get his attention. It was very difficult to know if he was listening when she couldn't see his face. "I hungry, really hungry Daddy" Shay explained, trying to make it sound urgent. "I starvin' hungry Daddy… My belly rumbly Daddy… It hurty hungry Daddy" She reasoned, using the arm to pull herself up onto the bed. "Daddy?"

"Shay. Play" He replied, feeling her little hands on his back.

"Daddy I hungry" She whined.

"Shay" Kelly groaned, a small knee to the kidney followed by little fingers in his ear.

"Weakest link babe. Feed her" Erin mumbled to her husband, giving him a shove.

"Mama!" Shay squealed, leaning over to look closely at the partially obscured face.

"Ha" Kelly provided.

"Daddy? I still hungry!" Shay reminded pressing her face down into the gap between their heads, knowing he was hiding. "Wake up Daddy… Pleeeeeease" Shay requested, both adults recoiling from the very loud noise.

"Ugh, give me a minute" He requested, lifting the toddler from the bed to place her on the floor, flopping back to bed the moment she stood on her own two feet.

"Hurry, hurry, hurry" Shay sang encouragingly, reaching across to stroke his hairy arm. It didn't seem to be helping him so she decided to try helping properly, bending down to pick up the clothes from the floor. Dragging the shirt and pants across the room to the washing basket. There were clothes on her mother's side of the bed to be collected as well, leaving the shirt incase her mother had dropped it again. She was very surprised to see her father sitting up when she finished. Squealing with delight, though he seemed to be having trouble, thankfully her mother was there to provide assistance. "Thank Mama!"

"No problem Shay, Daddy's going to make you breakfast" Erin smiled, continuing to force him out of bed.

"I don't see why I have to do it" Kelly complained, throwing a hurt look over his shoulder.

"Because I said so" She shrugged. A momentary lapse in the pressure she was applying that allowed him to lean further back.

"You also said you weren't tired" He reasoned.

"That was before you bored me to death" She countered, giving him another shove.

"Hungry?" Shay interjected, suspecting they had forgotten her.

"Go!" Erin ordered finally.

"Fine!" He grumbled.

"DADDY! WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS?!" Shay demanded so loudly it was quite possible that their neighbors had heard.

"Shhhh!" Kelly requested, pointing to Ember.

"MAMA! Daddy not gots pants!" Shay complained, only lowering her voice when she saw his grumpy face emerge.

"Mhmm" Erin nodded, trying to laugh.

"Daddy… did you lose them?" Shay asked watching as he made his way across the room.

"Yep" He nodded digging through the washing basket for his clothes.

"You so NAUGHTY DADDY!"

"Mhmm" Erin contributed, hoping her smile would lighten the mood.

"Not helping" He muttered as he continued to get dressed, stepping into the bathroom before making a point of shutting the door behind himself.

"Mama… Daddy losted his pants" Shay explained, shaking her head in disapproval as she neared the bed.

"Mhmm" She agreed with a yawn.

"You room was messy 'gain… I cleaneded up… You dropped your shirt" Shay informed as she climbed up onto the bed, siting on her knees over her mother. "I get it for you" She volunteered, being as careful as she could when crawling over her mother. Dropping to the ground for a moment then returning with the garment. "Here you go" She said as she deposited the shirt on her mother's her face.

"Thank you" Erin smiled, ruffling her daughter's messy hair after pushing the fabric aside. Kelly couldn't help but express his frustration with a huff from the bathroom door.

"Come on, let your mother sleep" He instructed, wriggling his hand for her to come claim.

"I want snuggles" Shay requested, laying down next to her mother.

"Shay" He warned but she snuggled closer, pulling the sheet up and over herself to burrow away and hide.

"Daddy… I not hungry" Shay explained tentatively when she heard him approaching, knowing he could easily pull the sheet away and pick her up.

"What?" He demanded, not even slightly amused.

"Oops" Shay giggled, peeking from under the sheet to smile at him.

"Shay, come here. It's breakfast time. You're going to eat" He ordered abruptly.

"No Daddy!" She squealed. "I snuggle Mama… we sleepy" She explained, looking to her mother for support. Erin bit her lip, eyes drifting from the toddler to her husband and then anywhere else as she tried to decide what to do.

"No time for snuggles, we're going to go have breakfast. All of us. Even Emmy" She declared after a moment, pushing Shay aside so she could sit up and put her shirt on.

"Okay" Shay accepted, rolling off the bed before running to the crib. Pressing her face between the wooden bars to get a good look at her little sister. Feet starting to move under the blanket as she began to wake up.

"I'm sorry" Erin tried to apologized, looking up at him seriously before pressing her lips to his chest, wishing he hadn't put his shirt back on. Kelly didn't budge or acknowledge her in any way, seriously considering getting back into the now unoccupied bed. She shrugged and moved to retrieve her own pants, glad their Shay wasn't yelling at her for not wearing any. They each carried a daughter downstairs, Shay amazed to see that her mother's hair was as messy as her own.

"Morning" Chase greeted as they entered the kitchen, hiding his smile when he saw Kelly's glare.

"Chasey Daddy losted his pants!" Shay announced, she liked telling on him when he did silly or naughty things.

"Shay no" Erin intervened, as Chase suddenly became very interested in selecting the right spoon.

"But Mama… Why did he not gots pants on?" Shay enquired.

"He was probably too hot" Erin explained straight-faced.

"Oh"

"You should say sorry" She recommended.

"Can I has Daddy cereal?" Shay asked, always looking to get something in return for an apology.

"If you say sorry and ask Daddy nicely" Erin agreed, putting Shay down to get two bowls and a plate from the cupboard.

"Sorry Daddy I have cereal? Please" Shay said, smiling so intently that he ended up smiling as well.

"Fine" He conceded with a nod, watching her run to find the box before looking down at Ember. She would probably be just as difficult at Shay's age, at least they were getting practice now. "Hey Shay, can you show Mama how to pour the cereal slowly? She's not very good at slow" He requested as she started to tilt the box.

"Yes Daddy!" Shay nodded, concentrating hard on pouring the cereal slowly and carefully. Missing the glare her mother gave her father. It wasn't the last time he asked Shay to do something slowly and soon Erin was encouraging the toddler to use the word boring for slow things.

* * *

"I'll take her" Chase volunteered, hoping to settle the argument. Erin and Kelly had spent the last half hour discussing it, changing their minds repeatedly, now back to where they had started having made no progress at all. Exhaustion a contributing factor in their need to bicker over everything. Chase didn't have anything planned for the afternoon and his proposal seemed to be the only win-win resolution.

"To dance class? Tutus, frills and scary mothers…" Erin questioned, carefully assessing if he was serious instead of denying the suggestion. There were no tutus or frills most of the time but the mothers were truly terrifying.

"Yeah, it'll be fun" He smiled, wondering how watching two year olds dancing could be anything but amusing.

"You don't have to" She reminded.

"I know. I want to take my little sister to dance class, and neither of you do. Or you both do? I lost track…" He pondered, genuinely forgetting who had been on what side when he had interrupted them.

"Sorry" She mumbled, looking first to Chase before extending the apology to her husband.

"Don't apologize, just say yes then go take a nap" Chase advised.

"Are you sure?" Kelly questioned, knowing he should probably man up and take her himself. When their Tuesday afternoon activity had been swimming it had always been his responsibility so it was quite reasonable for Erin to want to reintroduce that aspect of their routine.

"How bad could it be?" Chase shrugged.

"I'll remind you you said that" Erin laughed as she shook her head.

"Go sleep" He instructed. "Pants on, hands to yourselves, sleep" He clarified, making sure he was very clear that it was an opportunity to catch up on sleep, nothing more. It made him feel like the parent in the relationship, there was a first time for everything.

"Okay. You'll have to help her change, she knows what she has to wear, her hair needs to be up, glittery purple hair tie and a there's a black headband somewhere, she needs to have matching socks, ask her which water bottle she wants and make sure you hold on to it because the other girls will try to drink out of it and I don't want her getting sick… her bag is by the door…" Erin listed as she thought of all the things that would need to be done in the half hour between Shay waking up and them needing to leave to be on time. Relieved that she wouldn't have to do any of it but slightly guilty at the same time.

"I've got it. Go. While you still can" He encouraged, checking his watch, Shay would be awake at any moment while Ember would sleep for another hour or two.

"Thank you" Both Kelly and Erin added as they left the room, hand in hand despite his warning. Chase sat back, found the remote and changed to something he could watch until Shay arrived. It didn't take her long, her parent's voices arguing about making the bed carried through the shared wall to her bedroom and woke her up. Shay knew they were in their bedroom but she could also hear the television so after a moment of indecision she headed down the stairs.

"Chasey I wakey!" Shay announced as she entered the lounge room, stopping after a few paces to look around the room.

"Awesome! Did you sleep well?" Chase asked, forgetting the program completely.

"Yeah" She nodded, not quite sure either way.

"Do you want to sit here with me for a minute? Until you wake up properly" He offered, patting the couch to his right.

"Yes" She agreed, starting towards him before stopping to yawn widely. As he suspected she was still quite sleepy and snuggled against him she dozed for another ten minutes. "Oh!" She marveled when she snapped awake suddenly.

"You were still sleepy" He laughed, the quizzical look on her face was priceless.

"Oops" She mumbled softly, certain she had done the wrong thing.

"No, it's good that you had more sleep. You're going to need all your energy for dancing" Chase enthused.

"I go dancing?" Shay questioned. The week before they had been at the hospital with Ember and had completely forgotten about the class.

"Yep, and today I'm going to take you instead of Mummy or Daddy" He explained, waiting to gauge her reaction.

"Really?" She squealed, clapping her hands to her face in excitement. Not the reaction he had been expecting but he wasn't going to complain.

"Yeah. I need your help though. There's lots of getting ready to do and we can't be late" He continued, trying to maintain her excitement at the slightly less fun element.

"I gots get dressed… and Mama do hair princessy…" Shay explained, running her hands through her hair.

"I'm going to do your hair today" He corrected.

"Yes… lots get ready go" She smiled, lifting his hand to the top of her head.

"Alright. Let's start by getting you dressed" He agreed, lifting her over his shoulder as he stood up, turning the television off and dropping the remote to the coffee table at the same time.

"My room" Shay instructed as she giggled one hand holding his shirt tightly while the other pointed wildly.

"Yep, we're going up to your room" He smiled, making her squeal with laughter as he bounced up the stairs. The closed bedroom door at the end of the hall reminding him to keep quiet. "Do you need to go to the toilet first?" He asked as he set her down.

"Nope" She answered, shaking her head from side to side so rapidly that he worried she might fall over.

"Okay, can you get your clothes out for me?" He asked, instead of answering she ran off to her room. Making his heart race as she narrowly made the doorway, clearly she hadn't learned from her collision. Other than finding matching socks it was easy to get her dressed. Black leggings and the purple shirt, dance school logo on the front and back in glittery black print. Matching the trim on the purple frilly hair tie they dug out of the container to put her hair up with. They couldn't find the headband and after searching for a few minutes Chase decided she could go without, taking her downstairs to organize her water bottle. Talked into letting her eat some biscuits as she tried to decide between the blue and purple Frozen water bottle or the dark blue one with sea creatures. He could only find the lid for the Frozen water bottle and was glad when that was her choice. Packing it into her bag where they then found the headband on their way out the door. Shay pressed the gate button and twisted in her car seat to watch it as Chase tried to fasten her seat belt.

"Sing Chasey!" Shay demanded and soon they were cruising along with the Fozen soundtrack very near full volume. Chase only knew where the dance class was held because Shay pointed it out every single time they went ice skating. His first encounter of the dance mothers he had been warned about occurred in the car park, a horrified glare when he stayed in the car, singing and dancing, until the song ended.

"Alright, lead the way little lady" Chase instructed, slinging her purple bag over his shoulder and taking her hand as they walked away from the car. Shay did as she was told and dragged him in to the building, along the corridor to a large room with mirrored walls. A bench seat along one side was where the parents, all mothers, congregated, preening themselves and their children as they waited for the class to commence. Chase was happy in the corner, sitting down and taking Shay's water bottle out of her bag so he looked ready. They pulled faces at each other through the mirror to pass the time ignoring the disapproving looks from the mothers and jealous gazes of the children. Sharon and Caitlin arrived just as the class started, Chase got the impression he'd be shushed if he tried to say hello though so he remained quiet. Fourteen little girls seemed to be the absolute maximum the instructor could handle, struggling to keep them all on task as they stretched warmed up. It seemed very serious considering they were toddlers but Chase didn't have enough experience with dance classes to know if that was normal. Shay at least seemed to be having a good time as they practiced picking fruit from trees, touching their toes and flying like butterflies. The middle portion of the session involved combining the moves into a routine, which they had been practicing since the first class and would perform at the showcase in eight weeks' time. They looked like they could use twice as much and still be mediocre at best, most of the girls trying too hard. Coming across as false and stiff where Shay and Caitlin were far too relaxed to remember the moves most of the time. Then there was a five minute drink break, Chase's favourite part of the lesson.

"Drink" Shay demanded as she approached, taking the water bottle from his hands before shoving it into her mouth for the briefest moment. "Chasey, you s'pposed open it!" She complained, handing back water bottle for him to open, unfazed by the fact it was covered in saliva.

"Better?" He questioned as he handed it back, she nodded, dribbling water down her front as she drank thirstily.

"I tired Chasey" She told him as she sat down, continuing to sip from the water bottle.

"Well you're doing beautiful dancing" He praised, taking the water bottle from her. Making sure the lid was closed before putting it down between his feet, protecting it from the other girls as he had been instructed.

"It's hard to be beautiful" Shay sighed as she lay back on the cool wooden floor.

"I'm sure it is" He chuckled, smiling at Sharon who had overheard the declaration and was also laughing.

"Is Erin okay?" Sharon enquired after a moment.

"Yeah, just tired" Chase answered with a smile, he wasn't sure they'd ever said more than hello to each other before.

"Oh?" Sharon questioned, clearly asking for more information. Confused when Chase then stuttered and blushed as he answered.

"Emmy" He supplied with a final nod.

"Poor thing" Sharon nodded, not being specific as to whether she was talking about Erin or Ember. "Did you have an accident Shay?" She asked as the toddler rolled across the floor to Caitlin.

"Yeah, see" Shay answered, pointing to her bruised forehead.

"What happened?" Sharon asked carefully.

"I crashed the door… And my nose bleeded and I threw up!" Shay answered proudly, neither had been fun at the time but in retrospect it was very exciting.

"Wow. Are you feeling better now?"

"Yep… tired but" Shay replied as the flopped her arm over her eyes, replicating her mother's sun avoidance strategy.

"You had a big sleep though so go do some good dancing for me" Chase tried to motivate as the other girls started to move back to the front of the studio where the instructor stood waiting.

"I don't want to" She shook her head, remaining on the floor.

"Please" Chase requested, trying not to sound too serious just yet.

"No" She decided.

"For me" He instructed firmly, leaning down to pick her up, setting her down on her feet.

"With me?" She pleaded, eyes wide, bottom lip protruding.

"Hmm?" He questioned.

"You dancey with me Chasey… please?" She asked, using her manners so he had no cause for denial.

"I'm not allowed to" He apologized, if not for the other mothers and the instructor he would have been quite willing to get up and dance with a bunch of toddlers. They were as coordinated as each other and while they always spoke the truth their criticisms were never judgmental.

"Yes are… Georgie sister Gracie dances and you my brother so you dances too" Shay reasoned, grabbing for his hand.

"No Shay" He said seriously, turning her around to face the group as they started to dance again. Caitlin waving her over as they fluttered around in a circle.

"Pleeeease" She begged, refusing to let go of his hand.

"I'll dance here while you go dance over there with the rest of the girls. Caity's waiting" He conceded.

"Okay… buts you gotta do it proper" Shay commanded as she ran off to join in, watching him carefully as he started to flutter his arms.

"Good luck" Sharon murmured from beside him, moving slightly to give him more room. He was going to need it. The girls danced madly as they 'let their bodies flow with the music' and Shay regularly looked across to check that he was doing the same thing. Shutting the harsh whispered comments out he started to enjoy himself. The class ended with the instructor giving them 'free time' leaving the music on as she left the room. The room emptied surprisingly quickly, leaving Shay, Caitlin and one other girl dancing. Seeing Sharon distracting the other mother Chase didn't hesitate to join them, demonstrating the moves he had learned from watching Shay. Letting her correct his hands and following her commands to speed up or slow down. Rose and her mother left after a moment and Sharon didn't hesitate to take a few photos, sending one to Erin, congratulating her on 'raising him right'. They were forced out of the room when the next class arrived, agreeing to afternoon tea in the café across the street with Sharon and Caitlin. The girls continued to dance after eating their cupcakes, leaving Chase to converse awkwardly with Sharon. That was until they started talking about Shay, he could talk about her endlessly.

"She made me dance" Chase informed his parents when they arrived home, joining them in the kitchen while Shay raced to the bathroom. Their sympathetic smiles lasted no time, replaced by laughs as he pranced around to demonstrate. Shay was thrilled and forced her parents to join in for an impromptu dance party. Their dinner was burned as a result but their smiles remained through dinner, dessert, bath time and story time.

**So Chase at dance class wasn't originally part of the plan but I couldn't help myself. Hope you liked it :D**


	130. Chapter 130

"Chase that's enough" Erin cautioned, no longer able to watch in silence as they spread crumbs and flicked egg across the table. She didn't often tell him off and for a moment he hesitated, eyes narrowing at her disapproving expression, then he dropped the piece of toast he'd been using as a catapult. Shay froze too, fascinated by the effect the three words had had on her older brother. "It's time for eating not for playing" Erin explained to both of them, locking eyes with Shay until she surrendered her toast as well.

"When we play?" Shay demanded. It was as defiant as she dared to be, fingers creeping back to the piece of toast as she pondered the declaration. Playing with her food was forbidden but as with any rule there were exceptions, and since Chase had started the game she assumed this was one of them.

"We play after breakfast" Erin answered, picking up her toast and taking a bite to end the discussion and demonstrate for them.

"Sorry" Chase mumbled, still coming to terms with the fact he had let them down. He had to be a better role model for Shay and someone that Erin could trust and rely on. Especially now. Not that he really knew what had happened, just that something had upset Erin. Light from his parents bedroom had still been visible under their door when he'd ventured to the bathroom in the middle of the night, accompanied by muffled voices. As if he was somehow projecting his curiosity she frowned and looked away quickly, turning her attention back to her breakfast. Bite, chew, swallow. Purpose. Simple enough to execute that she could still think. For a few minutes all that could be heard in the room was the scape of forks and the muted crunching of toast as they ate. Then Shay giggled. It caught Erin's attention, Chase was probably doing something to distract her from her food yet again. Prepared to tell them off again she was about to turn on them when she hesitated. Why did she want Shay to stop laughing? Surely she should want her to continue to have fun, even if that did mean she had toast crumbs and egg in her hair and butter stains down the front of her shirt.

"Finished!" Shay declared, drawing Erin from her thoughts.

"Good job" She smiled, feeling so much better the moment she did. The toddler would have needed to do a lot more damage before her mother could look at her and not smile. Toothy smile, big red cheeks, and captivating blue eyes that stared straight into her soul. Of course there were the bits of egg around her mouth and somehow in her eyebrow, there was still sleep at the corners of her eyes, and her hair was a greasy mess of butter and toast crumbs. "Ah..." Erin started when she realised the toddler was waiting to be told what to do next.

"Come on, let's clean up" Chase encouraged, intervening to redeem himself, lifting Shay from her chair before handing her their plates. They were off to the kitchen were Chase made Shay laugh by providing funny voices for the various appliances. Erin listened for a moment then looked back to her toast, getting colder by the minute and already far too soggy for her liking. Convincing herself that Shay would notice if she tried to throw it away she continued to eat, setting a good example. "Do you want me to get her ready for playgroup?" Chase enquired as he reentered the room, stopping to wipe away the mess they had made on the table.

"Yeah, then she can play until it's time to go" Erin agreed, checking her phone to see that they were well ahead of schedule. There was probably enough time for Shay to have a bath but in that moment she didn't care enough about the other parents judgments to organise one.

"After breakfast" Shay contributed with a smile, hoping her mother would be impressed by her ability to remember.

"I love you Shay" She replied, the toddler clapping for herself at what she thought was pretty good praise.

"Love you Mama" Shay assured.

"And you too Chase" She added quickly.

"Love you Er" The young man smiled, bending to lift the toddler up and instructing her to flap her wings as he helped her fly out of the room and up the stairs. Erin wasn't alone for long as her husband made his way through the room, hair damp and smelling strongly of body wash. She joined him in the kitchen, clearing away her dishes while he made his own breakfast.

"You alright?" Kelly asked, stopping what he was doing to look at her carefully, as if he was expecting a specific emotional response.

"Mhmm, I'm going to go do it" She explained.

"Good idea, then we can put it out of our minds" He agreed, very thankful that she was going to make the phone call on her own terms.

"Until the appointment" She clarified, her two day taste of normal life would have to be enough for another few weeks. Worry was certainly going to get to her and she'd already resorted to reading scientific research papers and other parents blogs, neither helping very much.

"And for good after that" He enthused.

"Sure" She nodded, trying not to sound as sceptical as she felt.

"Babe I know I wasn't there. And hopefully I'll never know what it was like for you but... I don't want you to forget it, that's not what moving on is about..." He started, attempting to revise the previous night's conversation to motivate her.

"Kelly I'm fine. I'm sorry I freaked out about the letter" She apologised. There had been no warning and just seeing the logo on the envelope had sent her mind spiraling backwards to that afternoon. "I'm kinda sorry I told you at all..." She admitted softly.

"No. Talking lets me know how you're feeling, so I can help" He encouraged.

"Its not fair for me to dump all my problems on you the moment you get home from work" She countered, stepping around him to press the button on the toaster so his breakfast didn't burn.

"You didn't. And most importantly they're our problems" Kelly corrected, reaching for her hand. She was too fast though, on her way to the door the moment he stopped speaking.

"Yep" She acknowledged over her shoulder.

"Babe? Did you want to call the photographer when you're done? To book a session" He asked, pulling the gift voucher from the fridge and rushing after her. Glad it had been there to provide a positive distraction for her.

"Okay" She agreed, taking the voucher and kiss on the cheek he gave before releasing the card. Then it was upstairs, dodging a soccer ball within seconds of stepping off the stairs.

"Mama play?" Shay stopped laughing to ask, rushing towards her mother as she followed the ball.

"Maybe later" Erin supplied, closing the bedroom door behind herself. She stopped to check on Ember, happily sleeping, then retrieved the letter from her bedside table and dialed the number. Doctor Andrew Dinham, an allergy specialist, was highly recommended by Doctor Ward and according to the text messages she'd exchanged with Will Halstead a genuinely nice person as well. Even so Erin was conflicted about taking Ember to see him. On one hand she wanted to know exactly what Ember was allergic to so they could avoid it at any cost. On the other she had read enough to know that some testing methods involved exposing the patient to potential allergens. The thought of Ember having any type of allergic reaction ever again was enough to cause her great concern. Before she knew it the appointment was made, in two weeks time at one in the afternoon. Erin couldn't help but realise how lucky she was, her husband knew her well and booking a session with the photographer had her smiling again. He was right, the could return to normal now, worrying wouldn't help.

"Mama play?" Shay repeated the moment her mother stepped out of the bedroom and Erin very nearly agreed. Then she remembered what the time had been when she'd looked at her phone and rushed the toddler into her room to get dressed for playgroup. Chase followed and was quick to apologise for letting the soccer ball distract them, taking Shay to brush her teeth as soon as she had been dressed. Erin made her way downstairs to check on Kelly's progress wondering how the had gone from being early to barely on time yet again. He was ready and waiting so Erin packed a snack and water bottle for Shay for him to take.

"Are you ready?" Erin asked as Shay and Chase jumped down the stairs.

"Ready Mama" Shay confirmed, pulling on her shoes without assistance.

"Alright, have fun" She farewelled, ready to wave from the doorway as their adventure began.

"But Mama you come play? Shay requested, reaching for her mother's hand.

"No I'm going to stay here with Emmy, you go have fun though" Erin explained gently.

"No Mama! It after breakfast, we play" Shay reminded, tugging on her mother's pants as she tried to drag her to the door.

"Not today, sorry" Erin apologised. She wasn't going to get away with it that easily and in seconds Shay had dissolved into a kicking and screaming heap on the floor. Shocking the three adults with her anger and immense determination. There would be no compromise. If they wanted her to go to playgroup her mother was going to have to come with them. Erin considered it for a moment but knew Ember wouldn't get as much sleep in her car seat and sling as she needed after a long night.

"I can stay if you want" Chase offered when they started to discuss their options, Shay continued to scream at their feet. Erin didn't really have a choice, it wasn't giving in when she had made a binding verbal contract, in the toddler's opinion, to play later. Kelly had been talking about playgroup since their phone conversation the previous morning or he would have been happy to stay with their youngest. He knew that given the night they had had Erin wouldn't want to leave Ember so he moved to hang the car keys up, stopping when she started giving Chase care instructions for their baby. "I can do it" Chase assured when she finished, lifting the limp toddler off the floor.

"Call me if you need anything" Erin instructed seriously, questioning everything as she stepped outside, leaving Chase alone with Ember for the first time. The young firefighter quickly learned that it was very different to looking after Shay. Fearful of missing her cries he had moved the bean bag from his room to his parents, settling in front of the crib to watch his littlest sister. It was the most boring activity and he was almost relieved when she started crying. He changed her diaper and she instantly settled back to sleep. It was the most eventful two minutes of his morning which Erin was very glad to hear when she arrived home.

**This chapter was kinda boring, mostly just setting things up for future chapters, sorry.**


	131. Chapter 131

"...And blue fish got his wish" Kellly finished as Shay leaned forward to look more closely at the illustration in the book. Running her small pointer finger over the words before tracing the outline of the main character from the story, a very shiny blue fish who had just wanted a friend. They had only read the library book half a dozen times but he had already memorized the simple, rhyming story, it made reading easier given Shay's head often obscured the text. He let her finish before closing the book, placing it on top of the stack at his feet. "What's next?" He questioned as the toddler looked up at him. He pointed to the pile of books they hadn't read yet, waiting on the bedside table. When he had promised Saturday morning story time, in place of skating because the rink was closed for a competition, he had expected to read one or two stories. Shay had woken him at the crack of dawn by piling a selection of her favourite books on top of him, it took her several trips to carry them all and he hadn't noticed at first. Rolling to escape the increasing pressure on his chest he'd sent the books clattering to the floor, waking himself as well as his wife and youngest daughter. Thankfully, it hadn't taken them long to get both girls back to sleep, tucking them in under the covers for another few hours. Now they were all awake again.

"Me play EmEm Bear?" Shay asked, not sure if that was an option considering how eager she had been to read. Looking enviously at her little sister, propped up on her mother's knees playing with a set of brightly coloured toy keys.

"Yeah, we can play with Emmy Bear if you want" Kelly agreed, Ember's gurgles were hard to resist and soon they had both moved towards her. Shay knelt right next to her while Kelly slid across until his side was pressed against his wife's, arm around her shoulders.

"Mornin' Emmy" Shay greeted, leaning down to kiss the baby softly.

"Morning Shay" Erin replied, bouncing her knees a little so that Ember started to laugh, reaching up at Shay to express her own morning greeting.

"Mornin' Mama" Shay added, crawling quickly up the bed to kiss her mother's cheek as well. Erin used it as an opportunity to give the toddler a hug, releasing her to play with Ember when she sensed her husband getting jealous.

"Good morning" Erin whispered softly, nuzzling against his neck as she leaned in to his embrace.

"Good morning wonderful wife" He replied, lips moving against her forehead as he spoke. They stayed like that for a moment, enjoying the closeness after being separated by their girls as they slept.

"Do I get a good morning kiss handsome husband?" She questioned, pulling back slightly to look at him. Glancing across to check that the girls were alright. Shay had pulled Ember's socks off, one purple and the other green, and was fascinated by her tiny, wriggly toes, splaying and scrunching when touched. 

"Absolutely" Kelly answered, using a finger under her chin to get her attention back. He understood completely, knowing that if he looked at the girls he wouldn't be able to stop, addicted to their happy faces. They paused to smile at each other for a moment, both silently thanking the other for their contribution to the creation of the two perfect little girls before them, then their lips met. Very soon the girls were forgotten. Selfishness, or rather a desire for each other, consuming them. One kiss became many, stopping only when there was a knock on the door.

"You awake?" Chase enquired, cautiously quiet, not wanting to wake them if they weren't.

"Have you got pants on?" Another voice added curiously.

"Yes" Erin called back, it had taken her a moment to work out who the second person was, Kelly remained baffled but pulled a face at the mention of the now infamous pants incident. Shay looked like she was about to explode, shaking as indecision struck her full force, she could run to the door and greet Chase or she could stay with her little sister. Before she could choose either her father grabbed her around the middle, dragging her back up against his chest to hug her as the door opened.

"Good morning" Nadia greeted cheerfully, stepping aside to let Chase into the room. Holding the door open for him since he had his hands full, a plate stacked with pancakes in each.

"Nada!" Shay exclaimed, very surprised to see that they had a visitor so early in the morning.

"Good morning. How did... When did you get here?" Erin questioned with a small smile, trying not to look as confused as she felt.

"About half an hour ago... we've been cooking" Nadia explained quickly. "Blueberry pancakes for everyone but you, we went with raspberry instead because I know how much you hate blueberries" Nadia answered gesturing to the plate with distinctly pink pancakes in Chase's right hand.

"Uh... thanks?" Erin supplied, fighting a losing battle as her confusion and curiosity intensified.

"Shay. We left your breakfast down on the coffee table, Dora's on the TV waiting, you just need to press the button on the remote" Chase informed, watching as the toddler quickly broke free of her father's hold to launch herself of the bed.

"I have creamy fluffy?" Shay questioned, looking at the magic ingredient on top of the blueberry pancakes.

"Yes, I put extra whipped cream on yours princess" Chase assured, handing one of the plates to Nadia so he could pat Shay on the back as she stopped to hug his leg.

"Whippy cream!" Shay squealed, out through the door in seconds. "THANK CHASEY" She remembered to add as she reached the top of the stairs.

"Careful on the stairs" He called over his shoulder in response. The last thing he wanted to do was cause Shay to have an accident, especially considering what they were about to ask.

"Guys, what's going on?" Erin demanded, losing patience as possible reasons for their peculiar behaviour flooded her mind.

"Well..." Nadia started, looking to Chase to confirm that he didn't want to talk. "We made you breakfast... but you have to agree to something first."

"Okay, what?" Erin asked, deciding to go along with it for the moment.

"We'd like to take the girls out for the day. There's a dinosaur exhibit opening at the museum and I, we, think Shay should go" Nadia explained.

"Girls or girl?" Erin sought to clarify, she had used the plural then talked only about Shay. 

"Girls. You need a day off and Emmy's easy to look after, she'll probably sleep most of the time" Chase answered, the fact that Ember was awake and playing only made him more certain she would sleep nicely.

"You can take Shay. That's fine but..." Erin began to reply.

"I looked after Emmy by myself on Thursday, I know I can look after her, and together we can definitely manage both girls" Chase cut in before she could refuse them.

"How long are you planning on going for?" She asked, she had absolutely no intention of changing her mind but wanted them to think she was considering it.

"A few hours, we won't be leaving here before ten and we've got food packed for lunch. There's milk in the freezer for Emmy" He persuaded.

"I checked online and the parents room at the museum has a bottle warmer" Nadia interjected enthusiastically, wanting to prove that they had thought it out carefully in order to maximize the likelyhood of Erin agreeing.

"Umm... I appreciate what you're trying to do, and thank you, but I still don't..." Erin said, trying to let them down gently.

"Let them go, it'll be fine" Kelly assured, understanding her reluctance to let their delicate daughter out of the house but certain that Chase and Nadia wouldn't let anything happen to her. Erin tried to think rationally, pushing aside the sense of betrayal she instantly felt. Then Kelly slid his hand across to rest on her thigh, encouraging her to think of the fun they could have with the house to themselves. Erin frowned at him but was quickly coming to the conclusion that it could be a good thing for all of them. She had been thinking about restarting their date night tradition, all attempts since Ember's birth had failed miserably, but the concept in reverse might succeed.

"Okay" She agreed. Chase crossed the room then, handing a plate to each of them while smiling broadly. Erin was hesitant to accept. "I have some... conditions" She explained, not sure how best to describe the series of requests she had regarding their care of the girls.

"Sure" Chase nodded eagerly, willing to do just about anything.

"Shay has to be holding someone's hand at all times, or the pram if you want to take it. Do not let her out of your sight, that means in the toilets as well. She tends to wander off and its easy to lose her in a crowd... Actually Chase you could probably wear Emmy, that way you can keep a closer eye on her. In the proper baby carrier not the sling, I'll find it and show you how to use it. You have to be home by two, at the latest, so that Shay can have her nap... And you have to call me if anything happens or if you have questions... about anything" Erin listed, it didn't seem like nearly enough information but she couldn't think of anything major she had missed.

"That's it?" Chase questioned, surprised that she had summarised everything that had to be running through her mind so neatly.

"I'll keep thinking about it" She shrugged, smiling as she took a second bite of the incredibly good raspberry pancakes.

"Alright well enjoy your breakfast, we'll get Shay dressed and collect Emmy in a bit" Chase concluded, taking Nadia's hand and squeezing it firmly, the first stage of their plan had been a success.

"It might rain later so make sure she's wearing her boots, otherwise she gets wet feet when she jumps in puddles" Erin requested.

"Actually... I kinda bought her new shoes" Nadia contributed hesitantly. "Go get the bags" She instructed Chase, he was quick to comply, leaving his girlfriend with his parents as they ate breakfast in bed. It could easily have been awkward but it wasn't.

"You bought her shoes?" Erin asked, certain she had misheard.

"Well a whole outfit actually..." Nadia elaborated, still not certain she hadn't overstepped the mark.

"You didn't... You don't have to do this" Erin reminded carefully, she didn't want to seem ungrateful.

"It was my idea, I love your girls and spending time with them is so much fun... you need to learn to share" Nadia reasoned, from serious to teasing in an instant. "And it's pretty much my last weekend of freedom, graduation next weekend and then after that I'll be spending weekends catching up on sleep after working all week" She continued when Chase seemed to take forever to return. Finally arriving with two plastic bags and a box. Nadia quickly took the box, opening it and pulling out one of two tiny trainers, triceratops faces on the toes with tiny little horns.

"Cool!" Kelly commented, knowing Shay would squeal over them.

"They light up when you walk" Nadia demonstrated, hitting the bottom of the shoe until red and green lights flashed in the heel. "They don't make them in my size..."

"She's going to love them" Erin agreed.

"And the shirt I got them, it's the same print but each size was a different colour. Emmy's is green and Shay's is... this one" Nadia explained as she pulled out a bright pink shirt. The phrase 'You DIG it?' and a dinosaur skeleton on the front, an adorably bad pun. Next where a pair of cargo pants, torn at the knees with muddy looking dinosaur footprints up the legs. Bright pink thick explorer socks were Nadia's attempt at cushioning the gap between girls and boys shoe sizes to make sure Shay's new shoes would fit. Then there was a hat and utility belt set that immediately made Erin think of Jane's dad in Tarzan. And to finish off there was a packet of bone shaped hair clips to keep her hair out of her eyes. Shay was going to look like quite the little explorer or archeologist when she was dressed.

"Wow... You really didn't have to..." Erin commented once the bags were emptied onto the end of their bed. She suspected Nadia had spent her first paycheck already, on clothing for the girls, it was a lovely gesture but it was definitely too much.

"I wanted to so I did. I'm going to spoil her for one day and leave you to deal with the consequences like any good aunt. I've already cut off all the tags, and washed everything with the special sensitive laundry detergent you use, so you can't make me return it" Nadia smiled, knowing the moment she had finished her shopping spree that Erin would find it difficult to accept.

"You found out what laundry detergent I use?" Erin questioned, if nothing else the pair seemed to have everything figured out, she wondered how long they had been planning.

"I made Chase find out... I'm surprised he knew where the laundry was" Nadia teased, clearly giving her boyfriend a hard time for making his mother do all his washing.

"It's not his fault, I just beat him to it most of the time" Erin defended quickly.

"Anyway, we have to get going. Shove your boob in that ones mouth and fill her up. Then get her dressed into these and we'll get out of your hair" Nadia encouraged lightly, handing Erin the little green shirt and tan dinosaur print leggings she had purchased for Ember.

"Okay, let me know if you need help with anything" Erin replied as the pair packed everything back into the bags and left the room. "Stop it" She requested when she saw her husband's childish expression, imagination already running wild as he planned their day.

"It's still my week baby and I'm going have my way with you whenever and wherever I want" Kelly guaranteed kissing her cheek before stealing a piece of her pancake. "Don't pretend you're not looking forward to it" He added when he saw her displeased look.

"You're not supposed to say things like that in front of the baby, baby" She warned, tickling Ember's stomach, pleased that the baby had managed to entertain herself for the duration of the conversation.

"You're not supposed to be so damn sexy all the time" He retorted.

"Stop. They're not in the car yet, don't get too excited we might have another tantrum to deal with first" She reminded. Finishing her food before handing him her plate, lifting Ember and positioning her before undoing the clasp at the shoulder of her singlet to feed the infant.

"I doubt it" He snorted, quite sure that Shay would happily leave them behind in exchange for the clothes and accessories Nadia had bought. It turned out that he was indeed correct, the toddler had to be asked three times before begrudgingly farewelling her parents. Erin was in the kitchen running Chase through everything he could need to know about feeding Ember for the second time while Shay had been stomping up and down the stairs to make her new shoes flash while she waited.

"Bye bye Mama, bye bye Dada" Shay said quickly, pulling Nadia through the door before she even finished speaking.

"Bye Shay" Erin called after them.

"Bye guys, have fun. We'll let you know when we get there... and when we're coming back" Chase smiled, zipping up the backpack and putting it on before picking up Ember.

"And if you have any questions or concerns. Remember to put the carrier on before you put her in it" She reminded, gesturing to the baby, tucked up and sleeping in her car seat.

"Have a nice day" Chase replied, knowing that if he said anything about Ember she would start to quiz him again.

"You too" Erin nodded, following him out the front door to wait at the top of the steps as they left. Waving as they piled into her car, pulled out and drove off. Telling herself that it was stupid to miss them already, they were going to be having a heap of fun. Kelly waited for her hand to drop to her side, grabbing her wrist before dragging her inside. Pressing her hard up against the wall before starting to kiss her, very much looking forward to the fun they would be having themselves.

**I watched the finale. I don't know how to feel. I am so glad to have my little escape in this fic. I'm busy studying (three weeks to go until the end of the semester) so I'm sorry the chapters aren't as long (I planned to have the museum trip as one chapter but spreading it over two just seemed more sensible)... It'll pick up from here in the next chapter ;)**


	132. Chapter 132

**REWRITTEN **

"Chasey, when dinosaur time?" Shay asked, sliding forward in her car seat to kick the back of his seat. From the moment they had told her what they were doing, her eyes had widened and she'd realised she would have to be on her best behaviour. That had been an hour and a half ago and they didn't seem any closer to seeing any dinosaurs so it was understandable that she was starting to lose her patience.

"Soon Shay, we just have to find a car park" Chase explained, weaving the car through the underground car park in search of an empty space.

"There one!" Shay supplied immediately, jabbing her finger up against the already fingerprint smeared glass window. Chase couldn't help but look.

"Yes, but it's got a car in it... We need one without a car in it so we can put our car in it" He elaborated, smiling at her perfectly innocent response. She was technically correct, they were surrounded by car spaces, all occupied.

"Oh..." Shay understood.

"It's very helpful that you're looking though" Chase encouraged, thinking it might just take three pairs of eyes to find an empty car space before the other dozen or so vehicles, circling just as he was.

"We're going to have to walk forever" Nadia complained, frustrated that her idea was so unoriginal, or rather that there would be so many people in Chicago interested in the museum's dinosaur exhibit. She was still determined that they were going to have a fun filled day. Even if the game of car park hunting was getting a little boring and it looked like they were going to have to walk all the way across the parking structure to the only elevator.

"I didn't think it would be this crowded" He agreed, distractedly.

"Maybe go down another floor?" She suggested after a moment. They were as far from the elevator as they could get and there was still no sign of an empty space, there was one more level below them but it only had half the capacity.

"I'm going to have to" He accepted. "Hopefully we'll be able to get a little closer to the elevator."

"Yeah" Nadia nodded, deciding to channel her optimism.

"How soon Chasey?" Shay whined, she had never enjoying being restrained for so long, especially not when she had had such an exciting morning.

"Very soon princess, we've got to go down again though" Chase informed, bringing the car around to the top of the ramp.

"Umkay" Shay smiled, the lighting was sparse down the ramp and by kicking her feet against her car seat she could light up the darkness with the red and green flashing lights in her shoes.

"Why didn't we do this sooner?" Nadia demanded as the lowest level came into view, almost completely deserted. Three cars parked alongside the elevator then rows and rows of empty spaces.

"No idea" Chase sighed exasperatedly, quickly and easily pulling into a space right across from the elevator.

"DINOSAUR?!" Shay shrieked the moment the car was stationary.

"Almost Shay, don't wake..." Nadia started, only to be cut off by a cry from the infant she was about to name.

"Oppsie, Emmy wakey" Shay whispered as loudly as it was possible to whisper, not particularly apologetic for waking her little sister. This way Ember might be able to see the dinosaurs as well.

"That's alright" Chase smiled, looking across at Nadia before climbing out of the car, pulling open the back door to set Shay free. Reminding her to stay within the lines of the car space even though there wasn't another living being in sight. He was happy to relax some of the rules that governed what she was and wasn't allowed to do, but not this one, it was for her own safety and there was plenty of space within the car park for her to stretch her legs. Jumping and skipping to keep her shoes lit up. Nadia had taken Ember out of her car seat, bouncing her to settle her while Chase moved to the back of the car, getting out the baby carrier and starting to put it on. "Do you remember where this one went?" He questioned Nadia after a few moments, struggling with the endless straps and buckles.

"Yeah, just there" Nadia explained, guiding his hand up behind his back to secure the buckle.

"Alright, that's all of them" He confirmed after checking twice that everything was where it was supposed to be. Erin's tutorial had been very thorough and it felt the same way it had when she'd demonstrated by strapping him in, as a result he was confident it was done up correctly.

"Now you just need the baby" She laughed nervously, adjusting her hold of Ember to prepare to hand her over, limited experience with babies evidenced by her extra caution.

"Come here Emmy" Chase smiled, talking to the dozing baby.

"Got her?" Nadia asked before releasing Ember into his hold.

"Yeah, I got her" He assured, getting her settled into the baby carrier with only a little help from Nadia. Ember was easily settled back to sleep with his hand on her back, patting and rubbing circles to imitate the way he had seen Erin calm her. Even when he knew she was sleeping deeply he kept a hand on her, it felt strange not to have to hold her and he wasn't sure he'd be getting used to it any time soon.

"Shay come here sweetheart" Nadia called, extending a hand for the toddler now that they had loaded themselves with the backpack and diaper bag they would be lugging around. Starting to comprehend the enormity of the responsibility they had taken on.

"Dinosaur?" Shay questioned as Chase locked the car.

"Dinosaur" Nadia agreed, taking the toddler's hand to lead her across to the elevator. Shay insisted on pressing the button and Nadia used the journey to ground level to dig through the bag for hand sanitizer. Dispensing some onto Shay's little palm before helping her rub her hands together. Shay had used it hundreds of times before but was happy to pretend she hadn't if it meant Nadia would help her. Once out of the elevator they crossed a large paved courtyard before the entrance to the museum came into view. The usually perfectly manicured lawn had massive dinosaur footprints gouged into it to set the scene. Shay noticed them almost immediately.

"LOOK!" She shrieked, unable to walk and point so enthusiastically at the same time.

"What's that?" Chase questioned looking forward to hearing her answer.

"It dinosaur…" Shay whispered, suddenly fearful. "It gonna eat us like Littlefoot Mama… I wanna go home Chasey… I no like dinosaurs. Nope nope nope!" She whined, tugging on Nadia's arm to pull her back the way they had come. Chase's smile quickly disappeared, she was genuinely afraid. Looking down he checked Ember before crouching, holding Shay's shoulders so she was looking at him.

"Shay, we talked about this. Dinosaurs don't live here anymore" He explained seriously, not sure that she could grasp that they were real at the same time as understanding that they no longer occupied the earth. He didn't dare to bring the concept of death into it, she seemed much too little for that.

"But look!" Shay complained, twisting to point at the footprints.

"Princess, you know when you went digging in the garden for Will the worm? Well somebody went digging in the museum garden to make dinosaur footprints so that people would know what was inside" Chase explained simply.

"No" Shay decided, she trusted him but it was hard to believe a person would be able to dig such big holes.

"Yeah, I promise" He assured, watching her little mind grapple with the new information. He could tell that she wanted to believe him but also that she didn't quite understand. "They were made by a person."

"Really truly promise?" Shay requested seriously. "I no wanna get eated."

"I wouldn't let a dinosaur eat you. We don't let dinosaurs eat the people we love. Let's go have a closer look" He encouraged, keeping her hand in his as he led her across the lawn to the nearest footprint. He wasn't sure that they were allowed to walk on the grass but he didn't really care, she needed proof and he hoped they would be able to find some.

"It so biggest dinosaur ever" Shay exclaimed as they neared, her little feet seemed incredibly tiny next to the massive footprint.

"The type of dinosaur that made footprints like this would have been very big but this one was made by a person. They used a shovel, and if you look around the edges they used some paint to mark out where to dig, see" He showed her, pointing to the occasional white blade of grass around the edges. Thankful that they were new enough for the proof of their human origin to be fairly obvious.

"Umkay, but you still hold my hand?" Shay questioned, hesitant to accept the proof if it meant he wouldn't hold her hand.

"We'll both hold your hands princess" Chase smiled, checking to see that Nadia was happy as they both took a little hand in their own.

"When we go inside there are going to be lots of big toy dinosaurs, they look real but they're plastic I promise" Nadia explained as they approached the large glass revolving door. Shay had never seen one before and waited to watch a few people use it before she was ready to step in, keeping a firm hold of Nadia and Chase as they entered the museum. Entering the museum was like stepping back in time, and stepping into a jungle at the same time. Everything was covered in greenery with ivy covering the walls and some of the high ceiling. Pterodactyls flew overhead, suspended on wires and mechanized to flap their wings slowly and evenly. To their right was the shop and information desk, on the left were the toilets, lockers, cloak room and presentation hall. Immediately in front of them were a group of museum employee's, dressed as explorers and archeologists, waiting to hand out maps and programs. Leaving the revolving door they moved aside out of the walkway as Shay's head spun from side to side, up and down, trying to take everything in. Her stunned silence evolved into squealing then to talking non-stop about everything she could see. The head of a Brontosaurus visible at the back the building and Shay struggled to work out which of Littlefoot's relatives it was. Grinning at each other Nadia and Chase led Shay to the entrance to the exhibit.

* * *

Now that the house was all but empty there was no need to hold back, mouths collided, hands roamed and soft moans filled the air. It took Erin a moment to relax enough to reciprocate and another to remember that she could make as much noise as she wanted. Kelly was doing his best to take advantage of the fact, leaving her mouth to focus his attentions on the soft section of skin just below her ear, coaxing the most wonderful sounds from her parted lips. It was almost liberating to be allowed to express what they were feeling aloud after months of holding back. A hum of approval vibrated against his lips as he ventured down her neck to her collar bone, hands working their way up the back of her singlet. Easing it up over her head with one hand while the other pulled her closer, keeping her pressed firmly to his chest as he turned to drop the garment. Taking a moment to appreciate the fact that he was removing her clothing right inside the front door. Keeping his arm around her he grabbed her jaw, almost roughly, pressing his mouth to hers for a searing kiss. Feeling the temperature rise he almost thanked her for removing his shirt, bare chests crushed together sending it soaring ever higher. She couldn't remember a time when he'd had so much raw determination to have things his own way. Mouth hungry, hands searching, every point of contact burning as she felt herself losing control, knees so weak that he was the only thing keeping her upright. "You okay?" He questioned as he released her face to hoist her up with both hands.

"Better" She assured, wrapping her legs around his waist to ensure that there was no space between them. He lost momentum for a second then gained it, kissing her deeply before stepping back. Carrying her easily through the house, stopping against the lounge room doorframe for another kiss then dropping her unceremoniously to the couch. She didn't get a chance to complain with anything more than a grunt as he crawled over her, swirling his tongue over each of her breasts as he tore her pants away. "I need..." She gasped.

"Need what baby? What do you need?" He demanded, equally breathless.

"Washing... I was supposed to put on washing" She explained, sitting herself up on her elbows as she remembered the mental list of housework she had created. She didn't want him to stop but it made sense to put on a load of washing now, before they got anymore carried away, that way it would be finished when they were. Kelly gave her a look that left her in no doubt, she wasn't going anywhere, then laughed, pushing her shoulders back down to the couch.

"That can wait. I need you" He replied when it stopped being quite so funny, drawing a line up her body with the tip of his nose. "Just you Erin. Just you."

"You've got me" She argued, replacing thoughts of doing washing with confusion about what he meant. Surely being naked beneath him on the couch was enough.

"No I've got Mummy Erin, and trust me I love her more than anything but this is our day off… our one day off… Forget washing and housework, we can do that later. Right now I want you, the woman I fell in love with, to stop thinking and start feeling" He requested, desire abundant in his husky tone.

"Uh…okay" She breathed, nodding as his tongue traced the valley between her breasts, stopping when he reached her collarbone. Smiling triumphantly he shifted ever so slightly forward for a tantalizingly soft kiss. Her hands moved quickly to the back of his head, forcing him to meet her for the complete opposite, deep, hard, fast and full of love.

"Now what do you need baby?" He questioned, lips moving against hers as he spoke, exchanging hot breath.

"I need you…all of you… Now" She invited, pressing her lips to his once more, rolling her hips at the same time.

"Much better" He concluded.

* * *

"What all them colour rainbows for Chasey?" Shay asked looking at the timeline with great curiosity. It was designed to appeal to as broad an audience as possible, with bright coloured bands, diagrams and plenty of text.

"The colours are different time periods" Chase explained, struggling to think of a better way to phrase his answer so that she might understand.

"How?" Shay questioned, seeming to understand that her usual 'why' didn't fit the situation.

"Well, these numbers are different times, very long ago times when the dinosaurs were here. See up that end with the person, that's now but this is like rewinding the video all the way back in time and spreading all the pictures out on a wall" He attempted, wishing he could think of a better analogy.

"To the 'ginning" Shay pondered, pointing to the graphic of a cosmic explosion right at the entrance.

"Back to the beginning, that's what the red is there… then there were little fishies and stuff… then there were dinosaurs and now… there are people like us" Chase replied, walking her along the wall to point out the different features. She seemed to be taking in some of the information, he just didn't know how much she would remember.

"What them people?" Shay asked, pointing to the last drawing before the photograph of a crowd of people to represent modern life.

"That's a caveman"

"Why?"

"Well, he lived in a cave. Before he had enough money to buy a house and build farms and cities" He attempted, ignoring Nadia's snort of laughter, she could appreciate that he was doing his best but it was a massive under exaggeration.

"Okay, we gots house so we them one" Shay concluded with a nod, wondering if she would be able to find herself in the photograph. There were a lot of people but they all looked like grownups.

"That's right" Chase smiled, stepping back for a moment so Nadia could finish reading the information.

"Nada we them one" Shay explained when she saw her aunts look of concentration. Chase had explained it to her but it looked as if Nadia still didn't understand, Shay was sure she would be able to pass along the information.

"Yeah it is. Good job. Now Shay which dinosaurs would you like to look at first, the ones that swim or the ones that walk?" Nadia asked, taking Shay's hand as they turned to look at the two options, one a dark blue tunnel and the other a corridor painted to look like undergrowth.

"Um…" Shay mumbled not quite understanding the question.

"We only have time to look at one before the puppet show, we'll look at the others after" Nadia continued, hoping to speed Shay up a little.

"Puppy show!?" Shay demanded, excited and mightily confused at the same time.

"Puppet, not puppy, you'll see in a little bit" Nadia corrected, turning to Chase for assistance.

"Let's look at the walking on land dinosaurs" He suggested, letting go of Ember for the first time so he could hold his girlfriend's hand as well as his little sister's. They walked along the corridor together, not caring about the fact they were blocking the way for the other patrons. Shay's little legs could only stretch so far and she was more interested in her shoes than watching where she was going. Dozens of scale models of all the types of dinosaurs they could think of where placed around the edges of the massive space. In family groups or alone according to their social behaviours. The middle of the room had skeletons and fossils and the far corner was a children's play area. The first dinosaur they stopped to look at was a huge Triceratops, Shay's favourite.

"It Cera Daddy!" Shay informed, rushing to the barrier to get a closer look. Chase leapt after her, aware that they had broken Erin's rule of keeping her at arm's length. He crouched to identify the features of the dinosaur with Shay while Nadia read the information then summarized it for Shay, leaving out the part that informed them that the model was a female. Shay was fascinated by how vastly different the types dinosaurs were, often asking about their families or favourite foods. "That Tryranosaurauraurus REX!" She announced as they stopped to look at the first skeleton, towering above them.

"Yeah it is" Chase smiled, ignoring the alarmed look on the face of an elderly woman trying to take a photograph of the skeleton. It wasn't long before her loud commentary drew positive attention, a family with three boys couldn't help but laugh as she informed them that its guts were missing and that it didn't eat popcorn or blueberries, only steak. She loved being the center of attention but for once was more interested in making sure they were paying attention to the dinosaurs. Chase and Nadia unsuccessfully tried to quiet her but other children and their parents were interested in her insight.

"Them ones eat leaves, like spinach, lettuce and green stuffs" Shay explained loudly, pointing to the Saurolophus half an hour later. "Oh!" She gasped, pushing past people to drag Chase right up to the barrier, hanging into the display to get a closer look. Amongst the ferns was a nest with eggs and tiny hatchlings. "Them babies" She giggled, not sure that Chase and Nadia had seen them yet.

"Yeah, dinosaurs had babies too" Nadia smiled, lifting Shay so she could get a better look.

"Emmy you gots to look" Shay explained, twisting to grab onto the shoulder strap of the baby carrier, pulling Chase closer so she could look at her sister. Horrified that she was sleeping through such an amazing activity. "Emmy wakey, looky" Shay requested.

"She needs to sleep Shay" Chase explained, stopping Shay before she could hit her sister on the head.

"But Chasey…them babies like her… she looks. Please" Shay pleaded, not wanting her to miss out.

"Maybe we can come back when she's awake. We'll have to come back later anyway, we have to go if we're going to make the puppet show" Chase informed, looking to Nadia who quickly checked her phone before nodding in agreement.

"NO!" Shay screamed the moment she realized Nadia was carrying her back the way they had come.

"Shay we're coming back in a little while" Nadia explained quickly, struggling to keep a hold of the squirming toddler.

"I no wanna go puppy show… I want dinosaurs" Shay tried to reason calmly, unable to stop herself from whining.

"It's a puppet show about dinosaurs, you'll see. I promise we can come back if you don't like it" Nadia assured her, putting her down but continuing to hold her hand as they walked.

"Promise?" Shay demanded, walking as slowly as she could.

"I promise" Nadia supplied seriously.

"Chasey, you promise?"

"I promise" Chase agreed.

"Do you need to go to the bathroom Shay?" Nadia asked, they were just near the entrance to the presentation hall and the show ran for half an hour.

"I brushed my teeth!" Shay complained, thinking Nadia was being rather unreasonable.

"Do you need to go to the toilet?" Nadia rephrased, lifting Shay again to speed up their progress now that she could see the steady stream of people entering the hall.

"No… me thirsty but" Shay whinged.

"You can have a drink when we find seats" Nadia explained, taking Chase's hand so they couldn't be separated as they joined the crowd. Most of the families had abandoned the first few rows in search of three or four seats together. They only needed two if Shay sat on Nadia's lap and managed to get great seats right near the front.

"Nada… them dinosaurs not puppies" Shay explained exasperatedly as the characters in the show were introduced. Nadia accepted the criticism wordlessly, ignoring Chase's barely masked laughter, she probably deserved that too.

"Shh" Nadia requested as the lights were dimmed so the puppet show could begin.

* * *

"I didn't realise I was that unfit" Erin panted, pulling open the fridge, desperate for a drink.

"You're not unfit" Kelly assured, accepting the bottle of milk she offered. For the first time Erin was thankful that she was restricted to lactose free milk, it meant they could stand in the cool draught of the refrigerator, drinking milk straight from the container without needing to share.

"I love you… but I totally am. I really should start running" She laughed between sips of milk, watching milk dribble down his chin as he guzzled it.

"You don't have time for that" He shrugged, trying to be understanding. Unlike him, with days off, her work was never done, being a mother was a true full time job.

"Just every other day? When you're home with the girls?" She explained, not sure why it sounded like she was asking for permission.

"That's time we could be spending together as a family" He mumbled, he wasn't going to stop her but he would much rather spend that time with her.

"I know… but I'm never going to get back to work if I don't get fitter" She justified, keeping a neutral expression as she waited to see how he would react.

"It's a bit soon to be thinking about work isn't it?" Kelly questioned, unable to conceal his surprise, Ember still seemed so small and new.

"Four months. I have to recertify and pass a medical and fitness test" She answered, she was confident she would pass all three if she had to take them right then and there, but she didn't want to pass, she wanted to excel.

"Okay" He nodded.

"You're alright with me going back to work aren't you? Cindy is happy to have the girls and Emmy will be so much bigger" Erin reasoned softly.

"You can start working whenever you want" He assured. "It'll just give us less time together."

"Yeah, but we'll get back into date nights" She smiled, waiting until he'd wiped his chin to cuddle against his chest.

"And we have Chase and Nadia for days like today" He added, hoping that they were having enough fun that they would want to do it again at some point.

"Exactly, we'll manage."

"Can I run with you? Chase can watch the girls" Kelly suggested softly.

"Um… yeah I guess. If you want to" She agreed hesitantly.

"Worried you won't be able to keep up?" He joked.

"Other way around honey" She teased, stepping out of his embrace to put the milk away. Looking at him sceptically as he tried to work out a way to answer without annoying her.

"Sure" He nodded, totally unconvinced.

"I can totally run faster than you" Erin complained, tempted to drag him upstairs so they could get dressed and prove it.

"I'm not going to waste our wonderful day off arguing. I have plans…" He dismissed, trying to ignore the insistent beeping of the fridge, protesting being left open for so long.

"Plans?" She questioned innocently.

"Plans" He repeated, hand darting into the fridge before he closed it with an elbow, bending to pick her up.

"What're you…" She squealed as he hung her over his shoulder. "Put me down! Now!" She ordered seriously.

"No" He answered simply, starting to walk.

"Kelly put me down!" She tried, more forcefully this time.

"Stop struggling or I'll drop you" He warned, voice cold and calculated, distancing himself to maintain control.

"Don't you dare! If you drop me…" She started to threaten, falling short when she couldn't think of anything particularly important she could withhold from where she was.

"You're so confusing. Put me down! Don't drop me!" He mimicked. "What do you want?"

"Put me down nicely. And don't think I haven't seen what you've got in your hand" She answered, hating just how much she sounded like a mother.

"I'll put you down nicely if you promise to stay still" He offered, as if he would be fine with either option.

"While you do what?" She enquired, glad that he couldn't see the smile on her face.

"You said you saw what was in my hand" He supplied.

"I did... Kelly no" She complained, suddenly aware of exactly what he wanted to do.

"No? Really? I can hold you like this all day baby" He assured. Erin frowned then folded her arms to raise herself enough to get rid of the awful dizziness associated with being upside-down. Looking down his body she shrugged, at least she had a nice view. They both knew how the stalemate would end but she surprised him in just how long she held out.

"Fine… Put me down! Cover me in whipped cream… Do whatever you want to me!" She announced, loudly and dramatically. He complied immediately, setting her down on the dining room table as he popped the lid on the can of whipped cream.

"That's the plan gorgeous"

* * *

Shay thoroughly enjoyed the puppet show, though it was more educational than fun and had been created for an older audience. The moments the lights came back on she forgot that, two much more pressing issues on her mind. "I go toilet hungry" Shay requested, standing on her knees on Nadia's lap, looking from her aunt to her brother.

"You need to go to the toilet?" Nadia questioned, not sure if the toddler needed the bathroom, food or both.

"Yeah and hungry" Shay confirmed, both it was.

"Alright we'll go to the toilet then we can have lunch" Nadia smiled, helping Chase up once she had stood.

"I'm pretty sure that smell is Emmy" Chase shared, pulling a face as he looked at Nadia.

"I'm taking Shay" She volunteered immediately, even though there was no real alternative she had to make sure he knew it.

"Yeah" He groaned, he didn't really mind changing dirty diapers, he just didn't really want to do it with people watching in the parents room. "You might have to ask to go ahead, she probably can't hold on for that long" Chase encouraged when he realized that the line for the ladies room extended all the way out to the entrance hall.

"Good luck, we'll meet up at the revolving door" Nadia added quickly as she lifted Nadia to her hip.

"Okay" Chase acknowledged before leaving her to enter the parents room. Trying not to be offended by the horrified gasp of a breastfeeding mother sitting in the corner. Just because the sign on the door had a woman and baby didn't mean that he couldn't go in to change his little sister's diaper, men's restrooms never had fold down change tables the way women's typically did. Keeping focused on the task at hand he unzipped the diaper bag, getting out everything he would need so he was prepared when he took Ember out of the carrier. Once everything was ready he undid one of the side clips and slid her out, careful not to wake her as he lay her down. Keeping her socks on as he removed her pants was impossible but he made sure to collect both of them before moving to the next step. Assessing the damage.

"Your daughter is beautiful" A woman smiled, from the next change table across, currently in the process of doing the same thing for the baby she was with.

"Thank you, but she's my sister actually" Chase informed hesitantly, thinking it would have been a better idea to keep his mouth shut and accept the compliment. Now not only did he have to change a diaper but he had to do so while making small talk, he wasn't sure any guy was up for that much multitasking.

"Oh… sorry" The woman smiled, trying to laugh it off.

"Don't worry about it. How old is he?" Chase questioned, hoping that if he got her talking about her kid he could focus on what he was doing.

"Four months, what about your sister?" The woman asked, it was clear that she was questioning the fact that she was his sibling as much as she was asking about her age.

"Two months tomorrow" He supplied, taking a moment to double check that he had the right dates in mind. She had only been part of his life for two months but he didn't want to think about times without her.

"She's big for two months" The woman said, clearly under the impression that he had made the number up to save face when he didn't really know.

"She was born big, ten pounds" Chase defended, wondering why people always felt the need to compare and comment on babies. Just like adults they came in all shapes and sizes.

"Ahh... Well, good luck" The woman said as she finished, placing the baby in his pram before stuffing everything into a very disorganized diaper bag, Chase was very glad he didn't have to contend with such clutter.

"Thanks" He smiled, though he knew it looked fake. "Alright Emmy, lets finish this and get back to the girls" He mumbled as he opened the fresh diaper with one hand. Ember didn't wake up until he was putting her socks back, he decided to take the extra few minutes and heat the bottle while he was there. After putting her back in the baby carrier and washing his hands thoroughly of course. He let the bottle warm for just a few seconds more than it needed then held it carefully as he left the room, hoping Shay and Nadia would be waiting for him. There was no sign of them but after testing the temperature of the milk he knew he could relax, it would have to cool for a few minutes and surely by then Nadia and Shay would be finished. Five minutes ticked past and there was no sign of them, he was tempted to call and find out where they were but knew it would be awkward for her to answer if they were still in the bathroom. Ember's bottle was the perfect temperature and she was awake, her fist could only keep her entertained for so long. He was starting to get worried when all of a sudden he spotted Shay, running towards him as fast as she could, Nadia weaving through the crowd behind her.

"Chasey! Nada called names… cranky old bat" Shay almost yelled at him. He nodded at her to acknowledge that he had heard then looked up at his girlfriend.

"You okay?" He questioned seriously, knowing from the set of her jaw alone that she certainly wasn't.

"Yeah, let's go have lunch" Nadia smiled after a moment.

"Sounds like a good idea" He agreed, eager to know what had happened but more than willing to wait until she was ready. She carried Shay through the revolving door and Chase kept his hand resting at her lower back, hoping to provide support. They stopped for Shay to look at the dinosaur footprints again then rounded the building to the small playground and grassed area. Most of the families seemed to be in the café at the far end of the building so there was plenty of space for them to spread their picnic blanket.

"Here you go" Nadia told Shay as she opened one of the plastic containers, taking out a beautifully prepared ham and salad wrap that had travelled particularly well. Katie had promised her that they would and in return Nadia had promised that she would tell Shay that they were a present from her other favourite aunt.

"I no want" Shay argued, refusing to take the food.

"Shay this is lunch, you said you were hungry" Chase reminded, stepping in so that Nadia wouldn't have to contend with the two year old.

"I hungry like a dinosaur! I want meats" Shay demanded, reaching forward to search the bag for food that she did want to eat.

"This has ham on it, ham is a meat" He explained quickly, pointing to the highly visible slice of ham.

"No! Red meats with bloods and guts" Shay requested with a frown.

"People don't eat blood and guts, they taste yucky. If I was a dinosaur I would much prefer a nice yummy wrap from Aunty Katie than blood and guts" Nadia explained quickly, jiggling the wrap in front of Shay.

"Aunty Katie?"

"Yeah, Aunty Katie made these especially for you" Nadia encouraged. Shay sighed then took the wrap, if she couldn't eat dinosaur food she was at least going to eat like a dinosaur. Shaking her head to tear through the wrap, stuffing so much in her mouth she could hardly close it enough to chew. Chase had taken Ember out of the carrier and started to feed her the moment they had sat down. Nadia took a wrap in each hand, offering one to Chase now and then so he could eat whilst feeding Ember.

"So what happened?" Chase asked after a few quiet moments.

"Just a rude old lady telling me that I was a terrible mother because I couldn't control the bodily functions of my two year old…" Nadia summarized.

"I don't understand why people can't keep their mouths shut" He supplied understandingly.

"I overreacted" She admitted.

"I doubt it" He laughed, knowing just how calm Nadia usually was.

"I don't care that she assumed Shay was mine but the moment she realized that made me a 'teen mum' she refused to let us go ahead of her. I pushed in and we went next anyway, Shay was busting. But when I was holding her up to wash her hands the lady started going on about how terrible society has become because of teenage mothers and how the future will be so much worse because there's no way our kids will be raised properly. She didn't even have the guts to…"

"GUTS!" Shay growled, having difficulty eating her entire wrap, the word seemed to motivate her.

"…speak to us, she was just ranting at the mirror for the benefit of everyone waiting. It was embarrassing and she was wrong so I told her that. I'd have called her a lot worse than cranky old bat if Shay hadn't been there. Doesn't that make me a good mum? Even if I am only her aunt" Nadia questioned seriously, frustrated that she was still so annoyed at the woman. She had friends who were teenage mothers, one she had met at the academy had a six year old son who she wanted a better future for.

"It does, you're a great mum… you'll be a great mum…" Chase assured, watching her carefully as he was sure he'd overstepped some invisible boundary.

"Do you mean that?" She asked in barely a whisper.

"Of course. Just not anytime soon" He nodded.

"Thank you. You're a wonderful big brother and you're going to be an amazing dad… But this is weird, we haven't even been dating for a month" She shook her head.

"Is it really weird that I can picture a future with you?" He questioned, putting down the empty bottle so he could place a hand on her knee.

"No, that's kinda sweet" Nadia confessed.

"Talking about sweet what's next?" He questioned, knowing there was plenty more food in the bag. Nadia laughed at his not so smooth segue then leaned across to kiss his cheek quickly, checking to see that Shay wasn't about to throw her food before turning her attention to finding the slice Katie had baked.

"I can't remember what Katie called it, it's good anyway" She supplied, placing the container in the middle of the blanket so he could have a piece when he finished burping Ember.

* * *

"How on earth are you going to keep a straight face at dinner tomorrow night?" Erin questioned, watching as her husband's mind wandered back to not quite an hour earlier when they'd been using the table very differently.

"I'm never going to be able to look at this table and not see you naked on it" He beamed, not sure that was a bad thing.

"I wasn't naked… I had whipped cream for modesty" She reminded.

"You know I love you" He informed seriously, reaching across the table for her hand.

"I kinda got that impression. And I love you too… though your methods are questionable" She teased, squeezing his hand before releasing it to pick up her sandwich.

"You enjoyed it" He declared.

"I… Maybe I did…" Erin replied, blushing profusely.

"Can we do it again?" Kelly questioned carefully.

"Find me some lactose free whipped cream and I'd be happy to" She shrugged, it was the only downside.

"Four months" He smiled.

"Hmm?" She enquired, failing to see how her return to work was going to impact their ability to have fun with whipped cream.

"It won't have to be lactose free" He smiled.

"Yeah it will, I'm still going to breastfeed her. For as long as I can, it's good for her. It was fine with Shay when I was working, just morning and night until she starts biting" Erin explained slowly.

"Okay"

"What?" She questioned, getting the distinct impression that his 'okay' meant anything but.

"What What?" He asked.

"That wasn't an okay okay" She frowned.

"I just don't think it's good for you. You've lost so much weight so quickly" He supplied cautiously.

"I had a baby" She reminded with a soft laugh.

"No I'm serious, I don't like being able to see your ribs" Kelly clarified, certain he was digging himself into a lot of unnecessary conflict.

"I guess you've only ever really seen me pregnant or after having a baby. I didn't lose weight as quickly after Shay because I wasn't as active. I'm fine, this is normal for me" Erin smiled. He was right though, if not for her larger breasts she'd be wearing clothes she hadn't been able to fit in since her academy days, not that she knew why she even kept them.

"I want you to eat more, lots more if we're going to start running" He requested gently.

"It's my body… I don't really care what you think" She disputed immediately.

"Okay" He shrugged, willing to give up before she got any more annoyed.

"I don't" She added more forcefully. Kelly was silent for a long time, thinking.

"Erin. You're beautiful and I love your body the way it is now, the way it was a week ago, a month ago, a year ago. I will always love you, I just want you to be healthy. If this is normal then forget I said anything but if it isn't…" He wasn't sure what more to say.

"Okay" She accepted.

"That wasn't an okay okay" He contended.

"I'm sorry" She supplied quickly.

"Why?"

"What are we doing this afternoon?" She asked, genuinely interested in what he had planned for the rest of the day. She had a feeling they wouldn't be messing around with whipped cream even if they had another can.

"You didn't answer my question" He said gruffly.

"I love you too… lots. And I'm sorry that you're worried. I'll try to eat more" Erin trialed, smiling just a little to let him know that she was serious. It worked because she was, even though she felt like she was eating twice as much as usual she was determined to eat even more.

"I'll try to cook more. And I'm sorry for saying anything" He apologized, taking her hand to try to revert back to that point of their conversation, before they had touched on something he thought was a serious issue.

"There's plenty of housework that I suppose we should get on with" She explained when she finished her lunch, taking his empty plate on her way to the kitchen.

"Yeah, okay" He agreed quickly, stepping in to dry as she washed dishes. Only the obscure ones that didn't fit or wash well in the dishwasher. Once the kitchen was spotless they moved on to laundry, collecting sheets, towels and clothes from around the house before meeting up to sort it all. He volunteered to take care of the bathrooms while she vacuumed, stopping once to get more washing on. They had not long started a third load, the second in the drier and the first, sheets, already back on beds. Nothing else really needed to be done and they were both starting to miss the rest of their family.

"Do you think they'd mind if we gatecrashed?" Erin questioned as she wiped down the table yet again, keeping her hands busy and silencing her paranoid mind.

"How?" He enquired, not sure what that would involve.

"We drive to the museum and find them, join them for the rest of the afternoon, it's got to be better than sitting around here…" She explained.

"Why don't we go ask them?" He asked after a moment.

"My handsome husband is a genius" She grinned, kissing him as they walked to the front door together.

"My wonderful wife wants to drive doesn't she?"

"Yeah" She nodded, taking the keys from his hand with ease. Wondering what Nadia and Chase would think when they found them.

**I got a little carried away and ended up just extending this out to what I originally planned instead of getting another chapter up. Bad news on that front but good news for me: My specialist called this afternoon and has moved my appointment forward so I'll be receiving my first vaccination on Thursday! In order to get that done I'll be travelling to the city tomorrow so I probably won't be able to update… Assuming everything goes well I'll be back on Friday, sorry guys, I really wish my life wasn't so hectic at the moment :D**

**P.S – I spent a fair bit of time trying to work out the differences between Brachiosaurus, Diplodocus and Apatosaurus/Brontosaurus. Littlefoot is a Brontosaurus but more than that I do not know. I might have to ask my brother (because he went through a massive dinosaur phase not because of gender stereotypes)... **


	133. Chapter 133

**My appointment went as well as could be expected and I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to update yesterday. **

"Alright pruny princess time to get out" Kelly requested, turning from where he sat on the edge of the bathtub to reach for her towel.

"But Dada…" Shay pleaded, voice small, eyes huge, bottom lip protruding to form a highly effective pout.

"One more minute" He conceded instantly, without even thinking, there was something about that look that he just couldn't resist. Thankfully it was replaced by a smile in mere seconds as she slapped at the last patch of bubbles, splashing herself in the process. "Bye-bye bubbles" He waved.

"Bye-bye bubbles" Shay repeated, opening and closing her hand to wave goodbye and flick water at the same time.

"Let's pack these away" Kelly encouraged, picking up the two rubber ducks floating in front of her. Shay had dozens of bath toys, some remained in the basket while others were bobbing around under the water.

"Thems gots no waters in 'em" Shay checked with a giggle, watching as he squeezed both the ducks before dropping them into the basket. She knew what was next and quickly grabbed the biggest toy, a bright orange octopus. The game began; the water needed to be drained from the toys before they could be put away, the most logical way to do that was to squirt it at each other. Shay had terrible aim and Kelly only made it worse by keeping a constant stream of water directed at her face. He didn't want to end up soaked and her squeals and gurgling laughter let him know he wasn't being too mean. Once the toys were all put away Shay started thinking about their next fun activity. "I want twenty-nine-seventy-teen stories before sleeping Daddy" She demanded.

"You can have two" He reasoned as he pulled the plug, not sure he liked the way she had been learning to use numbers, she seemed to be growing up much too quickly. He didn't know if she had accepted his answer or was simply too fascinated by the water swirling away down the plughole to complain. The moment the last of the water was gone he took her hand so she didn't slip as she stood up. Wrapping the towel around her he lifted her out onto the mat, staying seated as he helped rub her dry. Tickling her just enough to make her laugh before turning her around so he could run the comb through her damp hair. Then he helped her into her pyjamas, hung her towel up and dispensed toothpaste onto her new dinosaur toothbrush, the souvenir from the museum trip her mother had bought.

"Finish" Shay grinned, showing off her very clean teeth as she rinsed her toothbrush carefully and stood it nicely in the cup.

"Beautiful, let's go get some books" He smiled turning to lead the way to her bedroom.

"Daddy" She whined unexpectedly, making him stop to look at her.

"What?" He questioned, worried they he had somehow forgotten part of her bedtime routine.

"Up!" Shay requested, raising her arms so he knew exactly what she wanted.

"You want me to carry you?" He verified, surprised that she had suddenly abandoned her struggle for independence.

"Please" Shay nodded, wriggling her fingers in the air until he moved to pick her up.

"Okay, up it is little monkey" He smiled, loving the way she cuddled against his chest. After pressing his lips to the top of her head he remembered what they were supposed to be doing and exited the bathroom.

"I love you Daddy" Shay said seriously as they reached her bedroom, little hands placed on each of his cheeks.

"I love you too Shay, lots and lots" He confirmed, concerned by the shift from happy to solemn he hugged her tightly as he crossed the room to her bookshelf.

"I love you more than dinosaurs" She added, giggling at her own silliness and squeezing his cheeks until he smiled as well. Just like that she was back to normal but Kelly couldn't quite shift the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"I love you more than anything. What stories do you want?" He asked, holding her on his knee as he crouched in front of her overflowing bookshelf. Shay was quick to pull the two books she wanted from the shelf, causing a few others to crash to the floor at the same time. Using the books as wings she flapped her way across to her bed, continuing to flap and jump until her father lifted her onto the bed. She dropped the books and crawled to the end of the bed where her stuffed T-Rex lay, throwing it across the room before settling on his lap as he started to read, ignoring the way she had thrown the toy. Kelly couldn't remember the last time she had managed to stay awake through both stories and wasn't exactly sure what to do next. "Sleep time" He said softly, tucking her in under the covers and making sure she had Roary. Shay didn't say a word and was struggling to keep her eyes open as he leaned down to kiss her forehead. He got up quietly to put the books away and turn the nightlight on, mightily confused when he looked over his shoulder and saw her bed empty. Spinning wildly he cleared the room, stepping out into the hallway just as Shay stumbled into their bedroom. By the time he arrived she was fast asleep in the middle of their bed, sheet pulled up to her chin, using Roary as a pillow.

"Daddy no" Shay mumbled when he tried to scoop her up, determined to get her back into her own bed. His wife would already be annoyed if she knew he hadn't followed through when it came to getting Shay out of the bath.

"Time to sleep in your own bed" He clarified in a whisper.

"No Daddy… dinosaur" Shay argued, releasing Roary to grip the sheets so he couldn't pick her up.

"There aren't any dinosaurs in your room" He assured, understanding why she wanted to sleep in their bed a second night in a row.

"But Daddy" Shay appealed, the look was back, twice as effective with her sleepy eyes.

"Okay, but stay on my side of the bed and don't wake your mother up in the morning" He instructed, shifting her to his pillow to tuck her in a second time.

"Love you Dada" She barely managed as her eyes closed.

"Love you too Shay" Kelly whispered after watching her for a moment. He stopped to check on Ember then grabbed his bag and headed downstairs. "Shay's asleep" He announced proudly as he entered the lounge room, taking the only free seat next to his wife.

"That was quick" Erin commented, it wasn't by their usual standard but she had fully expected that Shay would make a fuss over sleeping in her own bed.

"Yeah… She's in our bed…" He admitted, Erin nodded then turned to look at Chase.

"Sorry" Chase apologised, giving them both a sympathetic look.

"If it's still a problem tomorrow night she's sleeping in your bed. Last time that happened she gave you a black eye…" Erin reminded with a small smile, it was his fault and he might just have to deal with the consequences.

"I'll talk to her" Chase promised, he'd go do it now if she wasn't already asleep.

"What happened?" Hank enquired, feeling quite lost.

"Chase bought her a toy T-Rex at the museum, it growls and roars when you squeeze its foot. Of course Shay took it to bed with her and woke up screaming when she rolled onto it in the middle of the night. Now she's convinced there's a dinosaur living in her bedroom, it's very good at hide and seek and it's waiting to eat her guts…" Erin explained, using the toddler's exact words.

"I am really sorry. Her screaming woke me up as well… I just saw her bedroom light on and knew you had it under control" Chase explained, regretting not taking the few extra steps to check on them. It wouldn't have cost more than a minute of sleep and could have partially redeemed him for the foolish purchase.

"I thought she liked dinosaurs?" Russ questioned, she had spent most of the afternoon and evening talking about them.

"She does, until it's dark and she's supposed to be sleeping" Erin shrugged, the batteries in the toy dinosaur had since been removed and they had searched her room thoroughly in the daylight but Shay remained unconvinced.

"Ah… Well good luck. I have to get going but I'll see you at the graduation next weekend won't I?" Russ checked, smiling at Nadia.

"Yeah. Thanks for fixing the lawn mower" Erin added before she forgot.

"No problem" Russ dismissed, it had taken him less than five minutes to fix the fireman's mechanical blunders and to reduce the sound it made by half.

"Thanks" Kelly muttered after his wife elbowed him as subtly as she could manage. As usual they chorused goodbyes and goodnights without getting up.

"I should get going too" Hank explained as he stood.

"Sir, would you mind dropping me home?" Nadia questioned softly, not sure how he would react to the request.

"It's Hank, Nadia. And that's no problem" Hank smiled, seeing so much of Erin in the young woman that she jogged all sorts of pleasant memories.

"We can take you on our way in to work…" Chase quickly supplied as an alternative.

"It's the opposite direction" Nadia reasoned quickly. "Be careful at work and text me about that thing we discussed."

"That thing?" Erin couldn't help but pry.

"Doesn't concern you" Nadia assured before giving Chase a quick goodbye hug and getting up.

"You might have beaten the polygraph but that's a lie" Erin almost laughed, keen to hear the truth.

"Good night Erin" Nadia supplied from the doorway, she didn't want to have to explain herself and she definitely didn't want to inconvenience Hank by taking too long.

"Good night" Erin called after her, turning on Chase for answers instead. He frowned and shook his head, another dead end. She would get to the bottom of it sooner or later so she decided to let it go for the time being.

"We'll have to get going soon too" Kelly informed, pulling his wife onto his lap.

"I know" Erin half complained, resting her head against his chest for the time being.

"Did you watch this earlier?" He questioned after a few moments of silence, pointing to the weather forecast on the television.

"No" She shook her head, looking to him for an explanation instead of watching the weather lady, whose annoying voice was one of the things she complained about regularly.

"Well there's a massive storm on the way so no yoga in the morning" He summarised.

"Yoga's still indoors at the church hall" She explained, not sure that she had ever told him that the switch in venues was permanent.

"I'll text you after Boden briefs us, that way I'll know the media are exaggerating or if this is actually going to be as bad as it sounds, if it is I want you to stay home" He reasoned, kissing her forehead to get rid of her frown.

"Okay… but only because my Monday's seem to be cursed" She agreed after a moment, even after almost a year of marriage she couldn't help but feel the need to argue when she suspected he might be trying to control her. The fact that it was a sensible request that her logical brain could rationalise only made it slightly easier to comply.

"I'm sorry" He added softly.

"Don't be, if I have to look after Shay indoors all day you'll be cooking dinner" She informed with a smile.

"I'll know more after the briefing but we'll probably be late home tomorrow night" He extended cautiously.

"So you'll buy dinner? For me? Shay can have leftovers" She suggested.

"Sure, what do you think you'll want?" He asked, he was more likely to double her order than say no to bringing her food.

"I'll text you when I decide" She laughed, just because she felt like pizza at that moment didn't mean she would be feeling like pizza in more than twenty-four hours' time. Then there was the depressing sight of bought pizza without cheese to think about.

"Time to go?" Chase enquired, tossing the remote to Erin now that the show he had been watching was over.

"Yeah" Kelly nodded. "Love you. Don't feel bad if Shay ends up watching eight hours of television tomorrow and call me if you need anything" He finished, kissing her softly before she shifted off him so he could stand up.

"Love you both. Stay safe" She requested as she got up to see them to the door, it was something she did every time they left for work.

"Love you Mum" Chase replied, giving her a quick hug before joining his mentor and boss at the front door. Never breaking from their routine they paused at the bottom of the stairs until they heard her lock the door then proceeded to the car. Kelly always drove and Chase always grinned when he got to press the button for the gate.

"You think you're ready for this?"

**To Be Continued…**

**It's about time we went to work with the boys (we've never seen Chase in action) and I have quite a shift planned for them! See you tomorrow :D**


	134. Chapter 134

**I wasn't happy with it so I decided not to post yesterday…**

* * *

**20:34**

* * *

"As you can see seventy percent of the city is in the red extreme danger zone. We're looking at the monthly average rainfall in just a few hours along with eighty to one hundred mile an hour winds and thousands of lightning strikes. The bureau of meteorology have issued a state wide warning, the fact that it's going to hit us so early in the morning should to work in our favour; most people will be at home. We're still looking at flash flooding, trees and power lines coming down, houses losing roofs… It's going to be bad but we are going to do everything we can to minimise casualties" Chief Boden explained, pointing to the print out weather map stuck to the whiteboard in the briefing room.

"So what's the plan chief? Are we just going to wait for it?" Mouch questioned from his seat in the front row.

"Absolutely not. A few of the local public schools have opened their halls for the homeless, trying to get as many people off the streets in advance. You certainly picked a good day to start back" Boden commented, looking to Gabriela Casey. Everyone clapped and cheered to welcome her back, temporarily forgetting the massive storm system headed their way.

"Looking forward to being able to help Chief" Gabby supplied in response, smiling broadly.

"I want the three paramedics - thank you for coming in on your day off Mills - and Cruz to man the kitchens. As much soup as you can make and transport to the schools. We cannot force people inside but free hot soup should help. You are also responsible for getting blankets from the storeroom. Quick as you can because I want to be doing our first drop-off in an hour. The later it gets the harder it's going to be to get people indoors" Boden continued.

"What about the rest of us?" Herrmann asked, sliding his feet off the table to sit up and lean forward, suddenly looking like he was taking the situation seriously.

"Truck and squad are going to be patrolling the streets of the neighbourhood; door knocking to get people to secure loose outdoor furniture, clearing drains, cutting back trees overhanging power lines… There are two rapid response guys coming in from the power company to help out later on when the storm hits. Just to refresh your memories, the rain is going to hit around midnight but it shouldn't be too heavy until around three in the morning when the red section blows in. It's going to be dark so I want the generators and lights on standby… This is what we train for people" Boden finished, scanning the room as everyone nodded their understanding of the situation and the tasks they had been assigned. He paused for questions but none came so he gave a nod of dismissal.

"It's just a storm" Otis shrugged, it had been intended for Cruz but nobody had really started to move yet so it was quiet enough that everybody heard.

"One hell of a storm Otis, don't underestimate it. People are going to die" Boden warned seriously, the last time he had heard those words he'd been a rookie firefighter and the storm in question had killed over a dozen people. The atmosphere in the room changed, some began to comprehend the level of danger while others silently vowed to prove the chief wrong.

"Let's get going then" Severide suggested, bringing everyone back to reality as he started to move, leading the way to the door, eager to get to work.

"Make sure your radios are on" Boden reminded as the chairs started to scrape and doors were held open.

"Lights and chainsaws then we move out, we'll stop for gas on the way" Severide requested as they neared the squad table. He picked up his phone but didn't get a chance to look at it straight away.

"We've got half a tank" Tony spoke, having checked their truck over at the beginning of the shift just as he always did.

"Who knows when we'll next get the chance to fill up" He insisted, half a tank would get them through a normal shift with two or three call outs, this wasn't going to be a normal shift. Tony nodded then moved to join Capp in hefting out the chainsaws they carried, one heavy duty for whole trees and two smaller ones for branches. "Get moving kid" He added when he noticed Chase had come to a halt next to him.

"Are you gonna call Erin?" Chase asked rather than doing what he was told.

"Yeah, why?" Kelly questioned in response.

"I think I left my bedroom window open" Chase explained, he had been standing there trying to retrace his steps when his superior had called on him. If the rain was going to be heavy he didn't want to risk having everything in his room being soaked.

"I'll ask her to check. Go help out with the lights" Kelly instructed, pointing to emphasise that the time for talking was over. Balancing their relationship had been difficult, at first it had been non-existent with Chase doing what he was told when he was told and nothing more, then when he'd moved in and joined the family they had become friends and avoiding preferential treatment had become the issue. Now they seemed to get it right most of the time, equals and friends at home, friends with boundaries at work.

"Yes sir" Chase smiled as he practically bounced away to do as he was told. Kelly shook his head, resisting the urge to call after him to get him to conserve his energy then distracted himself with his phone. He was halfway through composing a very long text message when he decided to give up and call his wife instead, it would be quicker.

"Hey babe, I wasn't sure if you'd be awake" He started the moment the line connected.

"Yeah, my show's on" Erin explained, realising that he had no way of knowing her favourite medical drama now aired on Sunday nights.

"Oh, sorry. I don't want you to miss it but…" He trailed off trying to work out the most concise way of saying what he wanted to say.

"Ad break" She interjected.

"Ah, okay. We've just gotten out of the briefing; the storm is going to be quite bad. Lots of rain, wind and lightning. Promise me you'll stay there" He requested gently.

"I promise" She assured quickly and honestly.

"And can you check that Chase's bedroom windows are shut, he thinks he left one open" He remembered to add.

"You just made me promise to stay here…" She reminded playfully, here could mean the couch or their entire house since he hadn't been specific.

"Babe" He complained, knowing the exact look she'd have on her face. A half smile with a kinked eyebrow.

"Sorry, I'll check when I head up to bed. We'll be fine so stop worrying and promise me you'll be careful" She demanded.

"I promise" He supplied with a nod she couldn't see.

"You'll look out for our boy?" She questioned, the advert for Chase's favourite ice cream reminding her of him. Realising that while she was no more worried about either of them than she usually was she certainly sounded it. It was just a storm after all.

"I always do" He dismissed.

"Thank you" She smiled, not sure why she felt the need to thank him but deciding to go ahead and do it anyway.

"I love you" He concluded after pausing for a moment to think.

"Love you too, stay safe" She replied understanding that he probably had plenty of work to go and do.

"Goodnight" He added, not quite ready to hang up.

"Night" Erin finished, hanging up the second her television program came back on. Kelly stowed his phone in the inner chest pocket of his jacket then went to join his men. They left ten minutes later with extra lights on board and three well-oiled chainsaws.

* * *

**23:41**

* * *

The rain started lightly, dancing on the soft breeze, only noticeable where street lights illuminated road before them. With no moon or stars visible due to the cloud cover the city buildings in the distance seemed far brighter than usual. From where they were the edge of the haze of light pollution was distinctly visible. If light and dark were battling dark had the clear advantage, seeping in to surround light on all sides. The cabin of the squad truck was unusually quiet, occupants staring out the windows as they made their way back to the firehouse. Having lost count of the number of tree limbs they had pre-emptively removed, pieces of yard furniture they had carried into garages and sheds, drains they had cleared and concerned citizens they had comforted in the last few hours. Only now, when Chief Boden ordered them back, were they taking a break. No one spoke as they pulled into the firehouse, the sound of water dripping from their truck seemed ominous. The massive garage door banged to the ground and they snapped awake. "Maintenance then sleep guys" Kelly instructed, getting to work straight away to lead by example.

"It's bad that I'm tired already isn't it?" Chase questioned.

"Kid if you're tired we're screwed" Capp informed, clapping him on the back as he passed.

"We have a few hours to sleep before the storm hits, hurry up and make the most of it" Kelly tried to motivate them. They were all tired and that was definitely a bad sign.

"You think we should set the coffee machine for 3am or ten to?" Tony pondered aloud.

"Ten to" Capp recommended, preferring to drink it lukewarm than scalding.

"I still don't get how you drink that stuff, smells vile" Chase commented, pulling a face at the thought.

"So the coffee here ain't the greatest…" Capp shrugged.

"That's 'cause you make it strong enough to wake the dead. Adding instant coffee and sugar to the machine made stuff is just mental" Tony exclaimed, as far as he was concerned Capp didn't have a leg to stand on.

"Keeps me going" Capp justified, throwing an oily rag across the bench.

"Oh and kid, you'll come to love the stuff. Give it…say five years. That'd make you what? Fourteen?" Tony teased, passing on the oily rag.

"Just because you're ancient…" Chase started, not hesitating for a single second before tossing the rag directly at Kelly's head. The lieutenant caught the scrap of fabric without even looking up, dropping it to the table before testing the chainsaw while holding eye contact with the younger man.

"You wake up with as much energy as the little princess after four cupcakes so you can't possibly be tired" Tony challenged, referring to Shay and the red icing incident.

"Not as if you even lifted anything" Capp added.

"That branch slipped!" Chase was quick to defend himself, they had been teasing him for the last two hours.

"Sure" Capp nodded sceptically.

"I didn't have gloves on, you did" Chase persisted.

"Mhmm" Capp continued to nod, patting the younger man's cheek with oily fingers.

"It was the lichen"

"Lichen?!" Capp laughed.

"Mossy stuff! Anyway if I hadn't've caught you you'd have fallen on your face getting out of that dumpster" Chase brought up in a final attempt to be forgiven for dropping the damn branch.

"It was your fault I was in the dumpster" Capp reminded.

"That was actually a great idea Ace" Kelly stepped in, the use of the nickname was praise in itself and Chase smiled smugly at Capp. By putting the branches they removed into the dumpster they guaranteed that they wouldn't become debris when the wind picked up later on. "Now shut up and finish up" He added, moving to put the chainsaw he had been cleaning away. They did as they were told and were following him to the locker rooms in no time. They changed out of their damp shirts, wet with sweat not rain due to the combination of high humidity and physical exertion, and headed to bed. No one had had the chance to short sheet the beds so for the first time in weeks there was no fuss surrounding going to bed.

* * *

**02:53**

* * *

The flash of lightening illuminated the room and Kelly was startled awake just in time for the booming clap of thunder and resultant shudder of the building. The rain was deafening, though the thunder had been louder still, forcing Kelly to question if the thunder had just started or if he had seriously been able to sleep through it. Rubbing sleep from his eyes he glanced at the clock, there was no denying it. The storm had arrived. He stretched as he sat up, surprised by the difference a few hours of sleep could make. As he pulled on his pants and boots he noticed movement through his open blinds, clearly he hadn't been the only one woken by the now steady rumble of thunder. Congregating in the kitchen they sipped on steaming mugs of coffee as they waited to see if the building could withstand the assault of wind and water. "Good morning everyone" Boden greeted cheerfully as he entered the room, the only person in the building who hadn't had a wink of sleep.

"Good morning" They collectively mumbled in response.

"Ready…" Boden started, cut off by the wail of the alarm calling them to work.

"_Squad three, blocked drain, corner of twenty-seventh and Marsh streets. Truck 81, Ambulance 61, MVA at 461 Kennedy street"_

"Time to go" Kelly enthused, slapping Capp and Tony on the back as he passed them on his way to the truck. The firehouse burst to life, moving as one towards their vehicles then going their separate ways. It wasn't often that the squad got called out alone but it meant there weren't any lives in danger and that was a good sign. They were forced to take a slow and steady approach given they could hardly hear their own sirens over the rain and limited visibility. They had half a second between the blur of the windscreen wipers and the torrential downpour pounding against the glass. There was no traffic or signs of life until they pulled up in the intersection, the railway overhead providing a partial barrier. Two police officers, three city council workers and a civilian stood waiting, all drenched. "What's going on?" Kelly questioned in a yell over the rain and blustering wind, getting a good look at the situation as he approached. The storm drain on one side of the road couldn't be seen as murky brown water pooled, spreading further by the second, spilling over the curb as they watched.

"Somethin's blockin' it between here and there" One of the council workers contributed rather unhelpfully, pointing to the manhole in the middle of the road. Capp and Tony had the cover off in an instant, hanging down into the aqueous abyss to look upstream for the blockage. The water level beneath them was much lower but some water had to be able to get through or the building would already be flooded.

"We need more light" Capp called and Chase was quick to answer, grabbing one of their high powered, practically indestructible, torches from the truck to give to them.

"Can't you go any faster?" The civilian demanded, moving to stand on the footpath between the rising water and what had to be his shop.

"Get some sandbags down ASAP" Kelly instructed the police and council workers before wading through the water to the drain, getting help to pull up the grate. More water bubbled up and the music store owner started to yell at them. "I'm trying to think!" Kelly shouted over the top of him, thankfully it was enough to silence him. Making his way towards Capp, Tony and Chase he continued to try to think of a solution. "What can you see?" He asked, more information would hopefully help him plan their next move.

"Looks like a hunk of wood or metal, hard to see with all the water, it's shifted a bit already under the pressure. It's only a few inches shy of the pipe opening out into the main sewer channel" Tony explained as he stood up, taking a step back from the manhole to discuss the problem with the rest of the squad.

"Can we give it a jab with a pike pole?" Kelly questioned.

"Won't reach" Tony shook his head.

"We could repel down" Chase suggested.

"The moment it's out the way all that water is coming through" Kelly reminded, pointing to the water now lapping at the door of the music store.

"Do we have something smaller but heavier to drop down the drain and push it through?" Capp suggested, using hand gestures to explain what he meant in greater detail.

"Like a person?" Chase proposed, bending down to check the diameter of the pipe, if it was the same as others he'd seen he knew a person would fit.

"No" Kelly dismissed instantly, it was far too dangerous to waste another moment considering.

"It would work though. The pipe's big enough for me and an oxygen tank. On a rope and feet first" Chase explained, adding the two safety precautions to persuade his boss.

"No" Kelly repeated firmly.

"Have you got a better idea?" Chase questioned seriously, pointing across at the rising water level, now spilling into the shop.

"Chase no" Kelly said finally.

"You don't do you?" Chase demanded, certain he was right on the edge of what was considered appropriate conduct.

"It's too dangerous" Kelly spelled out for him.

"How?" Chase requested, wanting a chance to defend his idea point by point.

"If you can't move it the pressure of the water will be too much for us to pull against and you'll be trapped. It's a one way trip. How would we get you out again? Or are you planning on water sliding until you drown?" Kelly asked seriously.

"Pull me up through there, keep me on just enough rope at that end, transfer me to a different rope and pull me up" Chase explained, pointing to the manhole then the drain and the manhole again.

"What else have we got?" Kelly questioned, turning to the rest of his men for ideas, there had to be a better way.

"Severide I can do it!" Chase yelled, intentionally using his last name to remind him that they weren't at home, he wasn't a kid and he could do it. Severide didn't say a word so Chase turned and walked to the truck pulling out a wetsuit, oxygen tank and two heavy duty ropes.

"Not gonna happen kid" Kelly argued, pushing Chase so hard against the side of the truck that he dropped the ropes.

"That's sorted for now so let's stop and think" Tony encouraged, stepping between the two men before pointing across at the half dozen or more police officers dropping sandbags at the music store door.

"It's the only way" Chase pleaded.

"We'll think of something else, the saw on the telescopic pole…" Kelly suggested, though he already knew it wouldn't work.

"Won't be able to get enough force through it and the angles are wrong. I get what you're saying but the kid's idea might work. We can hook the rope up to the winch and drag him up if we have to" Tony reasoned rationally.

"Keep thinking" Kelly growled.

"Come on Sev, those other stores'll be flooding soon" Capp prompted.

"Fine, but I'll go down" Kelly agreed after a long moment of thinking very hard.

"You're better off on the ropes" Tony argued, giving Chase a stern look to let him know he had done all he could and would be better off keeping his mouth shut.

"I have more experience underwater than he does" Kelly explained, taking the wetsuit from Chase.

"Exactly, if something goes wrong we can send you in after him" Tony implored seriously.

"Oi! Where's the next grate on the main line here?" Kelly turned to yell at the nearest council worker.

"It says on the manhole cover, the number over the arrow is feet to the next opening, halve that and there's a grate" The oldest of the trio explained.

"So it's ninety feet that way" Capp provided. "The grate will catch you and we can fish you out from there, worst case scenario."

"All that water is going to take a while to clear" Kelly complained, still unconvinced.

"He might have to hold on for a bit, he'll survive" Tony concluded, taking the wetsuit from the lieutenant and handing it to Chase. Kelly frowned then snatched the ropes of the ground, climbing up into the truck for some electrical tape before getting to work. He lay one of the ropes out from the drain to the manhole, taping the distance between the two and then a foot later to mark the absolute maximum amount of rope he would be giving Chase. Then he used the six feet of rope he had overshot the drain by to tie one of their torches at the end of the rope then Chase at the zero point he had calculated.

"Don't fuck around, in and out" Kelly advised as Chase approached the drain, fiddling with the dials on his oxygen tank to make sure everything was right. "You won't have any visibility so try to slow yourself down when you feel the torch hit. Two tugs, good firm tugs, and we'll pull you back up this way" He explained.

"Got it" Chase confirmed as he sat down at the lip of the drain, lower half of his body already lost beneath the murky water.

"Your mother is going to kill me" Kelly grumbled to himself as Chase gave him a quick smile then dropped out of sight into the drain. Unfurling the rope slowly he watched the rest of his squad ready themselves at the manhole. Kelly had never felt so nauseous on the job, paranoid that he would miss the two tug signal as the rope jerked with the force of the water, pushing Chase along as if he were going down the plughole. It only took him a few seconds to reach the square bottom of the drain, feeling the water flow around him to work out which pipe was which. One was an inlet and the other the blocked outlet, the current was strong enough that it would be impossible to choose the wrong one. Crouching down he let the water carry him along the tube, eyes closed since there was nothing to see anyway. The torch thudded and he spread his arms and legs to slow down before colliding with the object. He had expected it to shift free on impact but it didn't. Dismissing the sinking feeling he had that arguing with Severide hadn't been the smartest move he started to kick. The force of the water behind him forced him down into horizontal crouch as he continued to kick at the object. He tried to take deep even breaths but was soon panting, knowing he was chewing through his oxygen supply so quickly the hour worth he had started with was almost half gone. He calculated it would take five minutes for Kelly to hurl him out if he gave two tugs so at this rate his still had enough time to keep trying. Letting the water force him further down he felt around the edges of the object, it was definitely wood. There were small sticks and twigs plugging the holes around the stump which he pulled at to loosen the stump.

"Won't be long now" Tony yelled to comfort the clearly agitated lieutenant at the top of the drain. Kelly did not enjoy waiting, six feet of rope from the first piece of electrical tape meant Chase had located the obstruction and had been working for nine minutes to get it free. The pull was so sudden that even his lightning fast reflexes lost four feet of rope before he caught it, mentally apologising to Chase for halt he passed the last two feet hand over hand then looked to the manhole.

"You should have him" He called across to the three men hunched over waiting.

"Too much water" Capp yelled back and Kelly knew what he meant, the six inches he had been standing in were gone. The water was retreating down the drain at a steady rate and more and more of the rope was becoming visible.

"Did you see that?" Tony questioned, certain he had seen a flash of red that could be the wetsuit. Capp decided to use his initiative, grabbing the pike pole and holding it firmly, extending it down into the water. Using the muscles in his forearms to keep it pointed in the right direction so he didn't accidentally stab Chase. He found the opening of the pipe and fished around for the rope, hooking it before dragging it up to the surface. Chase emerged from the water looking triumphant, holding the stump to his chest proudly. It took two men on the pike pole to drag him up, leaving Tony crouched to grab Chase.

"You got it?" Chase questioned as he lifted the stump up over his head, voice muffled by the oxygen mask but still audible.

"Got it" Tony confirmed, hefting the large lump of wood up through the manhole. Chase let go of the piece of wood, keeping his hands extended to be retrieved himself, waiting patiently when the rope snapped. Tony was fast though, throwing the wood aside to grasp one of the hands before it disappeared. The water was strong and soon the pike pole had been forgotten as Capp dived onto Tony's legs, the only part remaining out of the manhole. Kelly had felt the loss of weight on his rope and ran to help, pulling Tony out slowly, one of his hands reaching back to grip his rescuers. His other hand remained out in front of him, gripping Chase's as tightly as he could. Once Tony was firmly back on the road Kelly took Chase's right hand, then his left as he pulled him up out of the water, through the manhole, not releasing him until he had dragged his entire body out onto the road.

"I told you it would work" Chase beamed as he took the oxygen mask off. Kelly frowned and shook his head as he helped the young man to his feet, punching his upper arm firmly before turning and walking away. After replacing the grate over the drain Kelly had calmed down enough to supervise the packing away of all their equipment. Capp inspected the hooked end of the pike pole and was shocked by how sharp it had become, surprised it hadn't cut straight through the rope to begin with. Apologising to Chase by agreeing not to bring up the slippery branch ever again.

"You realise we're technically only half an hour into the storm…" Tony brought to their attention as they piled back into the truck. This was just the beginning.

**How was that? I feel like I need a diagram to get across exactly what I mean but I tried to write descriptively… Not a firefighter so terminology is questionable. **

**Also not trying to be rude or anything but I feel like I deserve a round of applause for 'aqueous abyss'... I think that's the best wording I have ever used... I'm gonna stop now :P**


	135. Chapter 135

**I am still alive… but unfortunately my laptop is not :( I sent it to my brother for repairs but it isn't looking good, and document recovery is unlikely. I had to rewrite the first half of this which took a few attempts because I can't get it quite as good as the original. **

* * *

**9:04**

* * *

"Hello?"

"Shay? What are you doing answering Mummy's phone?" Kelly asked, surprised to hear the small, uncertain voice. Shay knew she wasn't supposed to answer the phone in case it was a stranger, but given the time of day she assumed that it was either her father or big brother for their usual morning conversation. "Good morning princess" He added when she didn't say anything, he only knew she was still there because he could hear her breathing.

"Mornin' Daddy" Shay replied with a smile, he didn't sound like he was about to tell her off.

"Did you sleep well?" He enquired, curious to know where his wife was but equally eager to speak with his little girl.

"Daddy them was stormin' and flashies and thudder!" Shay exclaimed dramatically, he couldn't see her little hand opening and closing to demonstrate the flashes of lightning as she bounced up and down on the spot.

"It's a big storm isn't it? With lightning and thunder" He agreed, trying to substitute in the correct words so Shay could learn.

"All gone bye-bye" She giggled as she turned to the window and waved, the thunder and lightning had ceased but the heavy rain continued, making the room far darker than usual.

"Not quite, there'll be more thunder and lightning in a little bit" He explained gently.

"NO!" She yelled as she flopped backwards onto the bed, taking a moment to control her emotions before she sat up again.

"Don't you like it?" He questioned curiously, wishing he could have experienced her reaction first hand.

"I don't like storms Daddy" Shay explained seriously, looking from her little sister to the window, she desperately wanted to get up and look outside to see if he was telling the truth.

"Why not? You're safe it's just lots of rain" He tried to comfort, wondering where his wife was and why she hadn't intercepted yet.

"I no like them flashies… but them dinosaur stompies thudder" Shay elaborated, voice quiet and fearful then excited as she thought about dinosaurs again.

"Dinosaurs stomping?" He asked, nodding to himself as he assessed the theory, it certainly wasn't bad for a two year old.

"Yeah them dinosaurs stompin' real stompy makes them thudders…Mama saided" Shay clarified, aware that he might think she was making it up.

"Did she? Well you're not scared of dinosaurs so it's okay if there's more thunder. Is Mama there?" He questioned aloud, unable to stop himself thinking of her.

"She goed to get foods" Shay provided simply, crawling forward with one hand until she was right next to her little sister.

"She went downstairs to get breakfast?" He rephrased to check that he understood what she was saying. It was going on nine o'clock so it made sense for them to be considering breakfast, he certainly was.

"Yesss" Shay confirmed, drawing out the 's' as she leaned down over her sister.

"Can you take the phone down to get her?" He suggested, he had no way of knowing how long it would take his wife to organise breakfast but he did know the time before they received another call was limited.

"NO, I gots a job" Shay denied, reaching her free hand forward to rest it on her little sister's stomach. Ember lay before her, wrapped tightly in a soft cotton blanket, sleeping deeply with a pillow between her and the edge of the bed.

"You have a job? What's your job?" Kelly enquired, pleased to find that Erin was letting Shay help, even if it didn't turn out to be an essential task, and that Shay was taking it seriously.

"Watchin' Emmy" Shay whispered, patting her little sister the way her mother did while leaning forward until their noses touched.

"What's Emmy doing?" He asked, thinking of his smallest daughter and hoping he would be lucky enough to catch one of her baby giggles.

"Sleeping… My job watch EmEm so she don't rolly of the bed 'cause she baby" Shay explained, sitting back as she reached across to make sure the pillow was exactly where it was supposed to be.

"That's a very important job" He agreed, suspecting the infant hadn't had a calm morning, there was no other reason for Erin not to put her in her crib when she left the room.

"Mhmm"

"Can I keep talking to you while you do your job?" He thought to ask, giving her the choice and reiterating that it was an important role.

"Umkay Daddy" Shay answered, it was nice to have company since Ember was being boring and sleeping.

"Did the storm wake you up?" He led wanting a clearer picture of their morning so he would be prepared to speak with his wife.

"Yeah it waked up ebrybody" Shay declared loudly.

"Even Emmy?" He added, trying to remind her to be quiet if the baby was sleeping.

"She cried lots 'cause she hungry. I hungry… Mama's coming!" Shay announced as she heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Okay" Kelly smiled, not sure what was happening, the rustling suggested the toddler had dropped the phone in her excitement.

"Shay who are you talking to?" He could hear his wife question as she approached.

"Daddy" Shay answered having retrieved the phone, holding it to her ear again.

"Bye Shay" He said, knowing his wife would have her hand outstretched for the device.

"Bye Daddy I loving you lots" Shay said quickly.

"Love you too princess" He finished, though he wasn't sure if she heard as the phone was transitioned to a much bigger hand.

"Hello?" Erin questioned hesitantly.

"Good morning gorgeous" Kelly greeted enthusiastically.

"Ha… Yeah" She laughed dryly.

"Bad morning?" He asked sympathetically, she had missed sleep because of the storm but he wondered if Ember had been unsettled before that as well.

"The girls didn't like the storm so we didn't get much sleep… I don't think gorgeous is the right word" She justified, running her fingers through her hair as she got comfortable sitting on the edge of the bed at Ember's feet.

"You're always gorgeous to me babe" He assured, undeniably trying to get her in a good mood.

"I'm covered in baby puke, snot and peanut butter…" Erin informed as proof he was wrong.

"You're still gorgeous" He argued, none of those substances were out of the ordinary.

"How has your morning been? Busy?" She questioned, deflecting the attention and genuinely interested to know.

"Not too bad, six calls before six. I've been catching up on sleep for the last few hours" He replied, thinking back to the hectic early morning, bouncing from call to call with little respite. The moment the sun had started to rise, casting an eerie half-light over the city, the savage storm had lost some of its power. The calls had stopped coming and at some point while he had slept the thunder and lightning had calmed. The rain and wind continued but the well timed break gave people the chance to get to work or school.

"I'm sorry" Erin mumbled, the silence as he reflected made her think of how selfish she had been.

"What for?" He demanded, tone dismissing the apology immediately.

"Complaining, I didn't miss out on that much sleep" She explained. "Why are you awake?" She asked, knowing that she wouldn't be awake if she had the choice.

"I can smell bacon" He laughed, sitting up in his bed to look through the open blinds at the communal sleeping area.

"Have something to eat and get back to sleep" She suggested gently.

"That's the plan" He nodded, yawning as he used his elbows to push his pillow up behind himself.

"We're all fine here" She assured, trying to ignore the crumbs Shay was dropping on the sheets as she crunched away on the peanut butter toast.

"What's your plan? Breakfast in bed, more sleep then movies on the laptop?" He questioned, closing his eyes for long enough to pretend that he was in bed next to her.

"Depends on when the storm picks up again… Our eldest is afraid of lightning" She answered, careful not to use their daughter's name so she didn't know they were talking about her.

"Not thunder?" He asked, thinking her nightly fear of dinosaurs would be magnified by what she thought was the sound of dinosaurs stomping outside.

"She likes the thunder. I know, it's strange but she was terrified. I tried to keep her calm but she wouldn't stop crying" Erin explained, subconsciously reaching for Shay, rubbing her thumb across the top of her little foot as she spoke.

"Poor thing. It'll be harder to see now that it's light out so it shouldn't be so bad. Distracting her shouldn't be so hard now that you're not trying to sleep. Don't forget you can play hide and seek if you need a break, you don't have to find her straight away" He recommended, only half joking.

"I don't know about that… I'll be fine" She said with a soft laugh.

"You've got an hour 'til the weather gets bad again" He approximated, trying to remember exactly what the chief had said before ordering them to bed.

"Okay, go get something to eat… Is Chase awake? I'd like to talk to him" She requested, handing Shay another toast triangle and checking on Ember before she stood up.

"I think so. You don't need to worry about him, I'm not going to let anything happen to him" Kelly supplied, feeling as if he should have added the word 'else' into his statement. "I promise" He risked, just to let her know that he was taking her concerns seriously.

"I know, I trust you… I just want to say good morning" She explained with a shrug, pacing to use the abundance of nervous energy she suddenly had.

"He's not in bed, I'll find him for you" He replied as he made his way through the firehouse, slowly coming awake as the smell of bacon grew stronger.

"Thank you. I love you" She reminded.

"I love you too… Aha! Found him" He announced as he approached the subject of their conversation. Chase was hanging over the back of the couch feeding Pouch pieces of bacon as he joked with Mouch about the medicinal qualities of bacon.

"Be careful, stay safe and call me when you can" Erin concluded before he could pass the phone on.

"Will do, speak soon" Kelly finished, tapping Chase on the shoulder before holding the phone out for him.

"Good morning" Chase greeted cheerfully, launching himself off the couch and making his way into the briefing room.

"Is it?" Erin questioned seriously, forcing the young man to think carefully.

"Um… I think so?!" He supplied when he felt he couldn't hesitate any longer.

"What happened?" She demanded, his hesitation enough to set off alarm bells in her head. Kelly had been quick to tell her not to worry, and that could only mean one thing. That he was worrying himself and he wouldn't worry unless there was some reason to.

"No! Nothing happened!" Chase argued rapidly but not convincingly enough, suspecting that Kelly had said something to her.

"Chase" She warned, not sure the look she usually reserved for interrogating criminals would translate effectively through the phone.

"I'm fine, just had a few close calls" He dismissed, settling on honesty as the most appropriate response to her intense questioning.

"A few?!" She squeaked, barely managing to keep her voice down. Shay looked up to see what was happening then continued stroking Ember's hair.

"Mum please don't freak out its part of the job. I took a risk to stop some shops flooding, slipped off a ladder when lightning hit the antenna on the roof I was climbing onto and took some roof tiles to the helmet because of a gust of wind… It was beyond my control. I'm okay and I am being careful" Chase assured.

"Sorry. Good morning, eat up then get some rest before…" She started when the thing she had been predicting occurred, the bell sounded and they both remained silent until they knew which emergency vehicles were being requested, all three. "Stay safe, make sure you eat!" Erin ordered, speaking over the top of the loud speaker so Chase had no idea what to expect.

"I will, tell the girls I love them" Chase concluded as he slipped the phone into his pocket, dashing through the firehouse towards the truck. He managed to arrive ahead of the rest of the squad, holding open the door as his squad mates piled in. "

"All good?" Kelly questioned, looking to the young man specifically then shifting his gaze to the rest of his men. They were all used to working when tired so it barely showed on their faces, unlike the determination they were all feeling.

"Yeah" Chase nodded, handing over the phone before settling back to look out the rain streaked window. "Oh…I ah missed it, what are we going to?" He questioned as they pushed their way through the traffic, thankful that Truck 81 was clearing the way for them.

"That" Tony supplied as they turned a corner, he tapped the windscreen twice and Chase nodded, a plume of smoke visible in the distance. Even with the rain pouring down the smoke continued to billow higher and higher, getting darker by the second. It didn't bode well and Chase knew they were all feeling the same surge of adrenaline, planning every move they would make the moment they arrived. They spilled from the truck, ignoring the rain pouring down on them as they did exactly what they were trained for.

"Severide, you've got two minutes to clear it… If you're lucky. Neighbours say there's a woman inside" Chief Boden barked at them.

"Capp with me, you two see if you can get through the back door, Chase stay with the truck" Kelly ordered pulling his helmet on after fitting his mask to his face, halligan in his right hand.

"But…" Chase started, about to argue when he remembered how anxious his mother had sounded on the phone, the look of fear on his father's face each time he'd come close to being injured already that morning. "Good idea" He nodded to himself, leaning back against the truck before pulling his helmet down to keep the rain out of his eyes. Chase wasn't sure if it had been Kelly's intention but he quickly realised how dreadful it felt to be the person waiting on the outside. A few tense minutes listening closely to the radio led to him waiting at the door the moment Capp and Severide emerged, carrying a middle aged woman between them.

"BENJI" The woman screamed once before being overcome by the smoke, coughing uncontrollably as she was deposited in Chase's ready arms. By the time he handed her on to Mills and Gabby they had disappeared back into the flaming building. "Benji, you gotta save my Benji!"

"Who's Benji? Where was he?" Chase questioned, crowding into the back of the ambulance to get out of the rain.

"Times up Severide, get out of there" Boden's voice ordered, crackling over the radio and forcing Chase to turn back to the woman.

"You have to get my Benji!" She repeated as she continued to cough, Chase held the radio in his hand ready to convey any information he got from the woman.

"Deep breaths Ma'am" Gabby instructed, Chase hung out the back of the ambulance to watch the front door of the house. The thick smoke was had turned black, pouring from the second story windows, smashed out by the truck team to vent the building.

"Benji, he's only a kitten… I was tryin' to dry him with the hair drier when it started smokin' at the socket" The woman elaborated finally. Chase leapt from the ambulance, rushing to the front of the house as he spoke into the radio.

"Severide, it's just a cat, get out now!" There was no response and time seemed to stand still as the structure groaned before the top floor collapsed in, sending a cloud of smoke towards Chase. He was lost for a moment, doing everything he could not to run into the building.

"We're out" Severide croaked over the radio, stepping through the side gate and into view, leading the rest of the squad out onto the street.

"About time" Chase groaned, ignoring the urge to hug his boss and father figure. Kelly laughed as he unzipped his jacket, pulling a seal point birman out by the scruff of its neck. The animal writhed, claws unsheathed as he carried it through the rain to the ambulance. Gabby frowned then tipped the contents of the first aid bag onto the floor before accepting the animal, partially closing the bag to contain the cat. The woman poked her hand into the bag and quickly calmed it, sharing her oxygen mask with the slightly singed feline.

"Thank you! Thank you so much… Oh Benji you silly boy" The woman sighed as her cat started to purr.

"What happened Ma'am?" Kelly questioned as he helped Gabby pack medical supplies into cupboards and another bag.

"Benji was out in the storm so when he came in this mornin' he was soaked. I was worried he might get sick so I tried to dry him with my hair drier… I don't know what caused it but all of a sudden it was smokin' and Benji was runnin' off. I tried to catch him, chased him all 'round the house. I didn't notice the fire until… It just happened so quick… Thank you" The woman explained, the gravity of the situation just starting to sink in.

"A full investigation will be conducted. Right now it's important that you get checked by a doctor" Kelly replied, giving Gabby a nod before climbing out of the ambulance. He slammed the door closed, waved to Mills in the side mirror then jogged back to the truck to get out of the rain. They made the journey back to the firehouse in silence, Chase seemed to have learned his lesson, still recovering from the stress of not knowing where the squad had been when the house collapsed. He cheered up over breakfast, polishing off three bacon sandwiches with little difficulty. They had barely dealt the cards for a game of poker when their next call came in, coinciding with a rumble of thunder. Taking the two men from the power company with them they isolated the power line and cleared the debris, a lawn chair and outdoor table tangled fifteen feet up thanks to the gusting wind. Just as they were getting ready to leave a scream beckoned them down the street. A woman had fallen down the stairs while carrying her groceries inside and was stunned when five elite fire fighters ran into her front yard to help. Her ankle appeared sprained so they carried her inside, iced her ankle and put away her shopping before being called to patch another roof. By this point they were experts, Tony tied the ropes for their harnesses around the chimney in less than a minute, Chase and Kelly secured the tarpaulin while Capp manned the ladder. Working like a well-oiled machine they did the same thing at two other houses before starting back to the firehouse for lunch.

* * *

**19:27**

* * *

"Thank god this day is almost over" Chase commented as he tossed his terrible hand of cards to the middle of the table. Looking forward to spectating instead of trying to bluff his way through another round.

"It wasn't so bad" Tony shrugged. After a busy morning they had relaxed after lunch, only taking two calls all afternoon. They had caught up on sleep and performed all the necessary equipment maintenance before resuming their poker game.

"Considering" Capp agreed, it had been one of the worst storms he had seen in years.

"Two fatalities though" Kelly reminded, they hadn't been involved in either but it meant the chief had been right despite all their preparation and hard work.

"On the other side of the city…" Capp dismissed, if he didn't know the lieutenant better he would have thought it was a ploy to distract him from the game.

"Still" Chase acknowledged, understanding exactly where he was coming from.

"Won't get another storm like that for a couple of years" Tony declared, relief clear in his voice, he couldn't remember the last time they'd gone through two full tanks of gas in a single shift.

"Erin'll be glad" Chase sighed, pulling out his phone to check that he hadn't missed anything. He couldn't help but smile at his background picture, a photo of Nadia holding Shay on the edge of the fountain at the museum.

"The girls were asleep last time I called" Kelly shared, wondering if both girls would make up for their restless morning by going to bed early.

"Yeah, did you get her text about dinner?" Chase questioned, eyes drifting to the message from his mother before he tapped Nadia's name to compose a response to her most recent enquiry.

"Burgers?" Kelly checked, wanting to be sure she had sent the same request to both of them.

"Mhmm" Chase nodded, focused on assuring Nadia that he would call her when he got home at the end of shift.

"Remind me about the cheese" Kelly mumbled, to himself and the young man sitting next to him.

"Sure thing" Chase assured as he hit the send button.

"Stop distracting me!" Kelly groaned when he caught a glimpse of the triumphant look on Capp's face, suddenly worried he had missed something that could cost him the game.

"Sorry" Chase laughed, eyes traveling around the table to read each of the players before he leaned across to check Kelly's hand.

"No, no please keep going…" Capp encouraged.

"Yeah… How old's Emmy now?" Tony joined in, prompting a discussion he knew Kelly couldn't resist.

"Shut up… Two months…" Kelly answered with a groan.

"That's gone fast" Tony nodded, feigning interest.

"Not really" Kelly spoke before he could stop himself. They continued to question him about his girls until he threw in his cards, getting up to stretch his legs and check his phone. If it wasn't so close to the end of their shift he would call his wife just to say hello. Capp's seated victory dance drew him back to the squad table, not wanting them to deal him out of the next hand. He had just dropped into his chair when the alarm sounded.

"_Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61 – car crushed by tree, three…four… three occupants. Papoutis Avenue"_

"What's with that?" Chase demanded, the information they received was always brief and clear, he had never heard an inconsistency before. Nobody bothered to answer him as they rushed to the truck, unsure what to expect. The size of the tree would determine the seriousness of the situation and the likelihood of the number of occupants decreasing, something they wanted to avoid at all costs. This time they led the way, Tony driving evasively and taking back streets to get them to the scene as soon as possible. The windscreen wipers on their lowest setting now that the rain had slowed to a drizzle. Light would be their first priority and Severide radioed Casey to ask him to reminded Cruz to park where the truck lights would be most helpful. The car they were looking for seemed to appear from nowhere before them, a massive pine tree that looked capable of cutting the vehicle in half leaning across it. They pulled up and were out in seconds, the streetlights giving them enough light to assess the scene before them. Kelly was immediately aware of the fact that the maroon car was the same model as the blue one he owned. He hoped that was where the comparisons ended because he dreaded to think that the occupants could be children.

"HELP!" A man screamed, the driver of the car who held his hands up, doing his best to take the weight of the tree. Kelly and Chase didn't think he was doing anything but as the neared they realised he was keeping a branch from crushing the woman in the passenger seat. They both rushed to help him, Kelly standing on the door tread to take some of the weight with his shoulder while Chase climbed into what remained of the back seat, minding his head on the crushed and torn roof.

"Capp, Tony chainsaws now, Casey see if you can rope the tree and winch it up with your truck… Oh and get someone to get the woman out… She's pregnant" Kelly commanded hands slipping on the rough bark of the tree as he tried to adjust the way the trunk sat against his shoulder.

"Oh god the baby… I think I'm having the baby" The woman cried from inside the vehicle, the man must have let go for a moment because Kelly was suddenly forced to bear the weight almost by himself.

"Don't worry Ma'am we'll get you out" Kelly comforted. "Sir do you think you can hold it again, so I can get to your wife?" He questioned, only able to do one thing at once or he'd yell at Chase to get him to help.

"No, I'm sorry. Kylie it'll be okay" The man assured, holding his wife's hand as she cried out in pain, the baby would certainly be making its appearance soon. Now Kelly understood the confusion in the number of occupants, the woman was heavily pregnant so the baby could possibly be counted. Then he remembered that it had been three or four not two or three.

"What about Tully? Is she okay?" The woman, Kylie, asked as she sobbed.

"Who?" Kelly demanded, he hadn't heard anything from Chase.

"Our daughter, she's in the back" The man informed, moving away from his wife to help hold the tree up again.

"Chase is there a kid there with you?" Kelly yelled, wishing there was light coming from a different angle so they could see into the backseat.

"Um…yeah" Chase supplied uncertainly.

"Capp take this… Tony that branch first, get Herrmann and Otis to help you so it doesn't drop on her when you cut it" Kelly ordered as his men arrived, Tony carrying the biggest chainsaw, giving it a test whir before climbing onto the bonnet of the car.

"Yes sir. Herrmann, Otis get over here" Tony called as Kelly swapped out with Capp, leaning into the vehicle to check the two occupants before ducking under the tree to see what Chase was doing.

"Chase how's the kid?" He asked softly.

"P..p..paramedic" Chase stuttered, his pale sweaty face appearing in the darkness, illuminated by the headlamp attached to his helmet.

"Gabby? We need you over here" Kelly called, looking carefully at the vehicle to work out how to get her in to help. Chase hadn't provided much information but it was enough for Kelly to know it was bad. They couldn't pop the trunk or the car would crumple in entirely so he had to come up with another option. "If I take out the back windscreen do you think you can climb in and help Chase?" He asked Gabby as she stopped beside him, awaiting further instructions.

"Sure" She agreed, standing back as he smashed through the glass with ease then offered a hand to help her up.

"Careful on the glass" He reminded as he released her hand.

"I got it, what seems to be the prob…Oh shit!" Gabby couldn't contain as she got a look at the little girl she was supposed to be helping. The toddler was pinned in her car seat, the roof crushed in by the tree and cutting into her leg. Chase had found a t-shirt on the back seat and used it to soak up the blood spilling from just below the girl's knee, looking hopefully at Gabby who remained still, thinking for a moment.

"Shh, her parents are right up there, I'm trying but she's stuck" Chase explained, dropping the knife he had used to cut the restraints to attempt pushing against the misshapen metal again.

"How old is she?" Gabby gasped, feeling unprepared to handle such a bad injury on her first shift back.

"Doesn't look much bigger than Shay…" Chase gulped, shaking his head to get rid of the thought, their only source of light shifting with him.

"Brett! Get me the other bag. Severide get this tree off us now!" Gabby yelled, getting to work, inserting an IV into the small limp arm.

"We're going as fast as we can" Kelly supplied from the front of the car.

"How long?" Gabby demanded.

"No idea. Casey?" Kelly deflected, looking to the man across from him.

"What?" Casey asked, having missed the question.

"How long?" Kelly repeated for him.

"Five minutes" He supplied as they finally managed to free Kylie, sliding her out onto the spinal board where Mills stood waiting.

"Gabby I'm going to need help delivering this baby" Mills called a moment later.

"I'm a little busy, Brett help Mills" Gabby instructed as she took the bag she had asked for from the younger blonde. Brett did as she was told, meeting Mills and Kylie in the back of the ambulance just as the baby started crowning.

"You can get out now man" Kelly informed tapping the man before him, no doubt in shock.

"Jason. What about Tully?" Jason demanded, refusing to let go of the tree in case it crushed his little girl.

"We'll get her out. I promise. Go be with your wife" Kelly instructed, pulling Jason out of the car and pushing him towards the ambulance.

"Yeah" Jason muttered, stumbling away towards the ambulance. Kelly watched until Jason climbed into the ambulance, then turned to see what was happening in the back.

"How is she?" He questioned, sliding in behind Chase to see the girl for the first time.

"Not good, we need to get her out now… she's losing a lot of blood" Gabby informed, keeping her fingers pressed to the toddler's neck so she could monitor her decreasing heart rate.

"Casey's setting up the winch right now" Kelly assured, patting Chase on the shoulder before getting out of the car to help the truck guys with the winch.

"Okay good" Gabby nodded, there wasn't much more she could do until the tree was out of the way. "Keep the pressure, as hard as you can" She told Chase who redoubled his efforts to slow the blood, dribbling between his fingers and dripping from his wrists. It was a long few minutes but soon they heard the Casey's call, the truck's ladder was extended over the car acting like the arm of a crane as they started to lift the tree. Chase could feel the change in weight against his shoulders instantly, moving to force the metal roof of the car as much as he could. It took all he had but finally the pressure against her leg reduced enough for him to start pulling it free. Chase had made almost an inch of progress when there was a shout followed by a massive bang as the tree slammed back down on top of them, followed by a bloodcurdling scream. The rope had snapped, the little girl's leg was trapped again and now she was conscious.

"It's okay darling, you're okay" Chase tried to comfort, free hand cupping her cheek as she continued to scream.

"I can't" Gabby explained when Chase gave her a pleading look, she had already broken protocol in giving the toddler pain relief, she couldn't sedate her as well.

"We'll get another rope on it" Kelly yelled as he reached the side of the car, letting them know that truck and squad were doing everything they could. Tully gave a final scream before losing consciousness again, Chase sighed with relief but Gabby looked terrified.

"We don't have time" Gabby shook her head, looking seriously at Chase then back at Kelly. "Is her leg broken?" She questioned, wiping the sweat from her brow with the back of her hand before reaching over to tie the rubber tube around the little leg as an improvised tourniquet.

"What?" Chase demanded.

"Move the fabric, feel it, is it broken?" Gabby instructed, making eye contact with Kelly for a split second before he disappeared, running at full speed to help get the tree lifted again, chainsaws buzzing to reduce the weight while Cruz and Otis secured a second rope. He knew the last resort option Gabby was setting in motion and wanted to avoid it at any cost, especially given the promise he had made Jason.

"Um, yeah I think so" Chase supplied, fingers probing the wound to feel the break in the bone.

"We'd your knife go?" Gabby enquired next.

"There" Chase gestured with his head, reaching across and grasping it with his free hand before holding it up for her. "Gabby?" He squeaked when he connected the look on her face with the sharp implement in his hand.

"It's our only option, she's going to die if we don't get her out now" She answered urgently.

"But…" Chase tried, certain he was going to vomit at any second.

"Chase, make the cut, just press where it's broken, it's already half done… she can live without the leg" Gabby insisted, pouring a bottle of isopropyl alcohol over the wound.

"Oh god" Chase cringed as he held the knife in his dominant hand, moving carefully to press the blade to the wound as gently as he could.

"Kelly, tell me there's an ambulance there for us" Gabby demanded over the radio, knowing they would have to be quick.

"Yeah, do you want me to send you the paramedics?" Kelly replied after a moment, looking across at the ambulance just pulling up. Mills and Brett had driven off with Jason, Kylie and their new baby moments earlier.

"No, we're on our way" Gabby relayed, knowing it would urge Chase on. The young man took a deep breath, swallowed the lump in his throat then applied as much pressure as he could. It was surprisingly quick and Chase froze in shock as Gabby slid over the back seat, pressing gauze to the wound that was now the end of the toddler leg. Bandaging and taping it tightly before forcing the girl into Chase's hands as she climbed out. Chase moved quickly now that he had purpose, carrying the girl while Gabby held the bag of IV fluids and applied pressure to the already blood soaked, bandaged, stump. Everyone stopped what they were doing and moved out the way as the little girl was rushed to the ambulance. Chase put her down gently then climbed out, closing the back doors before the vehicle drove off, lights flashing and sirens wailing. Nobody moved or spoke for what felt like an eternity, then Chase took a few steps backwards, turning to continue around the squad truck. The last thing he wanted was for everyone to watch as he lost his lunch. He didn't hear him coming or see him until the water bottle was held out before him when he sat back.

"You did what you had to" Kelly assured as Chase rinsed his mouth and stood on shaky knees.

"Mhmm" Chase nodded, pulling the handle to climb into the truck, closing his eyes as he leaned back, breathing deeply.

"We'll finish up" Casey assured when Kelly returned to get back to work.

"Thanks, mount up guys" Kelly ordered his men, no reason to argue with the offer. Tony took his time getting them back to the firehouse, they all needed the time to process what had just happened. "We'll debrief in ten" Kelly said softly, breaking the silence as they climbed out of the cabin.

"Can we just go home?" Chase asked in a whisper, Kelly thought about it for a moment, certain he could pretend not to have heard the request.

"Yeah, alright" Kelly agreed, resting a hand on Chase's shoulder as they stopped around the squad table. "You all have my number if you need to talk, call me whenever. Go home and get some rest" He dismissed, steering Chase through to the locker room so they could pick up their bags. "Are you sure you don't want to talk?" He asked once they were in the car on the way home.

"I'm sure… for now anyway…" Chase answered, feeling strangely numb. Kelly nodded and accepted the silence that consumed them for the rest of the trip. The light in the lounge room was on but they didn't knock on the door, Kelly unlocked it with his key and they moved quietly into the house. Dropping bags and stepping out of boots before continuing into the lounge room.

"Daddy! Chasey!" Shay yelled, sliding off the couch to run at them, leaving behind her mother and the story book they had been reading. Kelly scooped up Shay, holding her tightly to his chest in a hug. Chase stood awkwardly for a moment then wrapped his arms around them both, burying his face in Shay's hair as he tried not to think of the little girl he had just damaged irreparably. Erin remained on the couch, it wasn't hard to see that something major had happened, the way they were holding Shay suggested they had lost a child. Her stomach twisted as she empathised with them, already thinking about how best to support them over the coming days and weeks.

**The end was a bit rushed, I skipped a huge chunk of time… I could pick flaws all night but it isn't going to help. I tried not to be too descriptive to avoid grossing people out… I know a lot of you expected one of our boys to get hurt and technically they did - emotionally rather than physically. This is the beginning of Daisyangel's 400****th**** review prompt :D**

**Assignments due Monday and Tuesday then I'm FREEEEEEE! Apologies but because of the loss of my laptop I won't be updating before Wednesday. Please forgive me for the delay. **


	136. Chapter 136

"Do you want to take her up to bed?" Erin questioned softly, turning off the television as she turned on the spot to look at them. Kelly and Chase had remained in contact with Shay since their arrival, moving their combined hug to the couch where she had quickly fallen asleep. Both men alternated staring at the peaceful toddler and absentmindedly watching the now blank television screen. Erin had been waiting patiently, understanding that they needed time to process whatever had happened, but as the quality of the television programing degenerated she decided it was getting late. Kelly looked up, acknowledging the question as he formulated response, quite content to stay exactly where he was for the moment. Erin raised her eyebrows to prompt a response.

"Yeah" Kelly nodded, shifting his gaze to Chase, wordlessly indicating that the young man should take his little sister upstairs to bed.

"Okay" Chase mumbled, giving a quick nod, it made sense seeing as Shay's head was resting on his shoulder. He stood slowly, repositioning her floppy arm before making his way out of the room. Watching her little feet bob up and down so intently that he almost tripped up the stairs. The thought of hurting her, another little girl, made him stop to take a deep breath before continuing on his way. Back in the lounge room Erin shifted nervously, not sure if she should take the chance to ask her husband what had happened or if she should interpret his distracted expression as a sign he didn't want to talk. The silence grew more and more uncomfortable for her but he was clearly somewhere else. He didn't hear the soft growl of her stomach that compelled her to make a move, having forgotten the need to eat dinner. While Kelly and Chase were supposed to bring dinner home she was hardly going to mention the fact, she knew food would be the last thing on their minds. Crawling across the couch she settled next to him, resting a hand on his shoulder instead of cuddling against him as she posed another question.

"What do you want for dinner?"

"Oh…" He almost gasped. Thankful for her cautious approach he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close. Their eyes met and Erin wasn't sure if she was reading him correctly, there was loss but the blue orbs conveyed far more guilt than she could have anticipated. He caught his mind drifting again and opened his mouth to speak.

"Don't. What do you want?" She cut him off, certain he would offer an apology instead of a food suggestion.

"I'm not hungry" He shrugged, wondering if they could forget dinner altogether and head upstairs to bed. If he could stop analysing every second of their final call for long enough to get to sleep he was sure he'd feel better.

"Pizza?" Erin suggested, hoping the idea of his favourite food would encourage him to eat.

"You don't have to" He shook his head, not wanting her to go to a lot of effort when they weren't going to appreciate it.

"Frozen pizza, it'll take twenty minutes" She explained, certain there was a store bought pizza in the back of the freezer that she could simply shove in the oven.

"Okay then" He agreed.

"Come on, keep me company" Erin encouraged, patting his leg as she got up, catching the hand from her shoulder to haul him up.

"Yeah" Kelly nodded, shaking his head to fight to remain present. He understood why Chase had wanted to leave the debriefing for the time being . Not wanting to relive something that just the thought of made Kelly feel sick, he hadn't even been in the car let alone the one responsible for making the cut. Until he knew his squad had done everything they could he would continue to struggle to concentrate. "Chase…umm" Kelly attempted.

"He looked pale" Erin commented, trying to remain sensitive while desperate for more information. It was true though, she was used to her boy looking like he had just walked off the beach lightly tanned and smiling. Maybe it was the smile she missed more than the colour in his face.

"It was bad Er… Really bad" He elaborated.

"Mmm" She said, sympathetically and noncommittally.

"A tree fell on a car, the whole family were trapped inside, dad, pregnant mum and a kid in the back. We got the mother out before she had the baby, it was okay I think… Don't really know. The kid was little… about Shay's age and ah… Chase and Gabby had to. To get her out they had to… to amputate her leg" He explained, it sounded so clinical when said like that. "It was bad."

"I love you" Erin whispered, hugging him tightly. The only other thing she could think to say was thank you and that didn't seem at all appropriate so she kept quiet. Being there physically would have to do because she couldn't comprehend how he was feeling, having never been in a similar situation. She could understand how it felt to lose someone, but life changing physical injuries weren't something she had to deal with as a detective.

"Chase… I don't know… He didn't want to debrief" He sighed after a few moments of silence, the soft hum of the oven the only noise in the room.

"He'll be alright" She assured, rubbing circles on his chest with the palm of her hand as she pulled back to look at him. "He's got us" She reminded.

"Yeah" He settled, mind working as his body relaxed, leaning on the bench with his wife pressed to his chest, supporting her own weight as best she could. He hadn't realised how physically exhausted he was until that point, it had certainly been a demanding shift. Directionless thought had his mind dwelling on the dull ache in his shoulders then a sudden itch behind the knee brought it all back. Chase rapidly carrying the little girl, Tully, to the ambulance as blood soaked the bandages and stained Gabby's hand. The oven timer made him jump but he was glad to be pulled from the memory.

"Do you want to go get him?" She asked as she took the pizza out of the oven, moving around the kitchen as he remained where he was.

"Sure" Kelly agreed, trying to sound motivated. "Wait… What are you going to eat?" He questioned as she cut through the thick layer of melted cheese.

"We made some savoury muffins this afternoon. Go get Chase" She instructed more firmly. Kelly did as he was told, the smell of the pizza in the confined kitchen made him hungry so he was quick up the stairs, not sure where Chase was. The hall light was the only one on so Kelly dismissed the idea that the young man had decided to take a shower and moved to Shay's open bedroom door. Leaning against the doorframe he saw exactly what he expected, Shay tucked into her bed, sleeping deeply while Chase sat at her feet, watching every rise and fall of her chest.

"Dinner" Kelly croaked, keeping his voice low so he didn't disturb his daughter.

"Okay" Chase whispered, losing the startled look as he turned from Kelly back to Shay, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead before tucking Roary in next to her. After flicking the switch on her nightlight he took one last look at her over his shoulder then followed Kelly downstairs. Erin had placed plates, four slices or the equivalent of half a pizza on each, at their places on the dining room table. Then she sat in her seat, eating a muffin with sundried tomatoes and olives. She let them eat in peace, concentrating on her own small meal, only enough to sustain her because she'd eaten half of Shay's dinner.

"Chase. I know you don't want to talk about it. You probably don't even want to think about it. You need to know that we're here though. I don't doubt you did what you had to, and technology these days is good. You might not feel good about it but you cannot go back and change it. I'm not trying to sound harsh… I just want you to know that we love you and that we're here" Erin found herself saying once she'd finished, not sure where exactly the words came from because she wasn't thinking them. "I love you" She concluded, reaching across to take his hand, giving it a squeeze before standing up. After taking her plate to the kitchen she stopped in the dining room. "I'm just going to have a quick shower" She explained pressing a kiss to her husband's head as she went.

"Er" Chase called when she'd barely taken two steps, the scrape of his chair made her stop and she smiled as he pulled her into an unexpected hug. It was over as quickly as it began and he quickly finished eating as she disappeared out of the room. Chase took both their plates and turned off the kitchen light so they could follow her upstairs. Shadowing each other as they checked on Shay just as usual, breaking from the routine when Chase stepped into the bedroom at the end of the hall to see Ember as well. They nodded at each other before Chase left, closing the door behind himself. Kelly plugged his phone in to charge then stepped into the bathroom, brushing his teeth while he waited for access to the shower. He spoke briefly to his wife as they passed each other then again when he slid into bed next to her, keeping conversation light as they prepared to sleep.

* * *

It was late, Erin had no idea what the time was and since Ember wasn't crying she couldn't think of a single reason to be awake. She watched through heavy eyelids as her husband got out of bed and crept from the room, the door clicking behind him. It wasn't hard to work out where he was going and Erin sighed before rolling over. Waking again sometime later she was surprised to see that he hadn't returned. Having assumed he had just been checking on Shay she fed Ember and settled her back to sleep before going to investigate. The dim glow of the nightlight was enough to distinguish between the three sleeping bodies. Chase was curled around Shay in her bed while Kelly slept on the floor next to them. Hand outstretched to grip Shay's he seemed to be comfortable enough to sleep. He had briefly mentioned his sore muscles and a night on the floor certainly wasn't going to help so she tried to work out a way to get them all into bed.

Crouching down she shook her husband awake as gently as she could, he looked confused but didn't speak as she helped him to his feet. He stood watching curiously as she removed Chase's arm from around Shay's middle and lifted the toddler, waking Chase in the process. Carrying the sleeping toddler she led the two men to the master bedroom, placing Shay in the middle of the bed. Kelly immediately climbed in on his side, resuming his hold of his daughter's hand before drifting back to sleep. Erin rounded the bed, pulled back the covers and pushed Chase encouragingly until he climbed in. Once they were tucked in and settled she turned off the light and left the room. She looked at Shay's bed for a moment then stepped into her room to turn off her nightlight before continuing down the hall not hesitating as she climbed into Chase's bed. Worrying for a moment about Ember waking Shay and the boys she fell asleep trying to think of an alternative configuration.

**I'm back for good and ready to go with daily updates so I hope you're excited :D As a result the chapters won't be as long… I really hope you're still interested because I have so much planned for the next few weeks of their lives… Nadia's graduation, Emmy's allergist/immunologist appointment, Linseride's first wedding anniversary (which I am particularly excited about) and so, so much more! Feel free to send me additional suggestions in reviews/PMs. Love you all and thank you so much for reading!**


	137. Chapter 137

Chase had the worst room in the house. It was closest to the street, a street that Erin had previously thought to be quiet. The blinds didn't stop light pouring in from the windows at the head of the bed and by six o'clock the room was far too bright for sleeping. "Ugh" Erin complained as she sat up in the strange bed, turning to double check that the blinds were actually closed. Baffled by the inability of the black aluminium strips to stop the dawn light, groaning she contemplated the possibility that the earth had shifted closer to the sun. Watching the second hand on the clock tick slowly around the face, once then twice, she hated that she was missing sleep. Flopping back to the bed she muttered to herself about how dreadful blinds were and how the first thing she would do in the morning was invest in curtains. Yawning she lifted the pillow, dropping it on her face to block out the light and street noise as she tried to get back to sleep. She had no way of knowing how much time had passed when the weight of someone lying down next to her roused her. Of course if Ember was awake it made sense that Chase would want to return to his bed. And if Ember was awake Erin really should get out of bed, instead she rolled over, doing her best to pretend she hadn't noticed. The hand on her upper arm surprised her but then when the body, smaller than she expected, certainly not Chase, cuddled up against her she knew she had to do something. "Umm?" Erin questioned, rolling as she lifted the pillow.

"Erin? What?!" Nadia demanded with an appropriately horrified look on her face.

"Sorry" Erin apologised, running her fingers through her hair as she sat up, it was just as much a shock for her as it was for Nadia.

"What? Where's Chase?" Nadia asked more slowly sitting up and moving away as she continued to look at the bed, completely perplexed by the absence of her boyfriend.

"We swapped" Erin explained quickly, glad to see it was quarter past seven, a much more reasonable time to be awake. That didn't mean she didn't still feel tired, covering a yawn before stretching as she tried to wake up.

"Sorry for waking you" Nadia mumbled, considering her options carefully. She had only wanted to stop by and check on Chase since he hadn't called when he promised to.

"How did you get in?" Erin pondered aloud.

"Uh… He gave me a key" Nadia answered hesitantly, not sure if he had cleared it with his parents first. "Is that okay?"

"That's fine… ah… They just had a really tough shift" She provided, getting back to the original topic.

"And being in the same bed helps?" Nadia asked, raising her eyebrows as she tried not to appear amused by the notion.

"With Shay… Yeah it does" She justified.

"Oh…" Nadia nodded, suddenly feeling dreadful. "Could you just tell him I stopped by?" She requested.

"No. You can tell him yourself, come on" Erin instructed as she got up, taking Nadia's hand and giving it a tug.

"We shouldn't wake them" Nadia protested as she was essentially dragged down the hallway.

"Emmy will be waking them any second now" She explained as she quietly opened the bedroom door, stopping to take in the perfect scene. Shay lay sideways, her head resting on her father's chest while her legs bridged the gap to Chase, one little foot pressed to his cheek. They each held one of her hands and had peaceful expressions on their faces, Erin almost felt like she was intruding. Ember's soft cooing drew her attention so she left Nadia in the doorway to check on the baby, whispering to her softly as she picked her up. Having intercepted in time to keep Ember quiet she decided it was best to let them sleep.

"Mama?" Shay questioned, voice full of confusion. It took her a moment to work out where she was and another to realise that if her mother stood by the door the second person in the bed had to be someone else.

"Shh" Erin requested, gesturing to the men sleeping either side of the toddler.

"Mama!" Shay squeaked as she sat up, face screwing up as she started to cry. Erin stood confused for a second then handed Ember to Nadia and went to retrieve the toddler, crying for no discernable reason.

"Hmm?" Kelly mumbled as he started to wake up, his wife leaning over him to lift and soothe Shay.

"You're okay, I'm here" Erin comforted, rubbing Shay's back as the volume of her sobs increased. Kelly sat up and reached for Shay as Chase opened his eyes, wide and alert the moment he identified the sound. Erin didn't have a choice but to let them take the toddler, both hugging and fussing over her. There was little they could do to help until she calmed down enough to tell them what was wrong.

"Ma…ma" Shay hiccupped, and Erin joined them on the bed concern increasing with every pained squeak Shay produced.

"Shay take a deep breath, then use your words to tell me what's wrong" Erin instructed slowly and calmly.

"I… I sorry" Shay started, brow furrowed, bottom lip quivering.

"Why?" Erin pressed, taking Shay's hand.

"It a accident" Shay added, pulling her hand away to slam both down on the bed in frustration.

"Mmm?" Erin encouraged.

"I sleeped in my bed… I a big girl… I not scared… not dinosaurs or flashies! I sleeped in my big girl bed, Mama I sorry" Shay explained, sniffling then wiping her nose on her sleeve as she took her time to convey her anger.

"Oh Shay, I carried you in here sweetie, 'cause Chase and Daddy wanted to snuggle cuddle you" Erin amended gently, pressing a kiss to Shay's forehead. "And I want to tickle you…" She added with a grin, not yet moving to put her words into action.

"Tickles?" Shay squealed, smiling as she recoiled into the arms of her father and brother.

"Yeah, big girls need big tickles!" Erin nodded, hands creeping up the bed to Shay's feet, legs then her stomach and sides. Shay shrieked with laughter and a moment later both men had joined in, alternating between defending her and making her laugh. Nadia was glad when Ember started to cry, drawing the three adult's attention from Shay for a moment. After kissing Shay three times quickly Erin got up to take the baby. "Breakfast?" She questioned as she bounced Ember, wishing she was as easy to calm as Shay was.

"Yes Mama! I soooo hungries" Shay answered, pushing her way up to crawl off the bed and skip her way towards her mother.

"What do you want Shay?" She asked, as she took Shay's hand, staying in the bedroom in case someone else had a suggestion for breakfast.

"Cuddles?" Shay suggested uncertainly.

"For breakfast?" She clarified, pulling a face then smiling at Shay.

"'Nana pancakes" Shay decided.

"Good idea" Erin enthused, about to leave the room when she remembered Nadia, looking uncomfortable as she stood to the side. "Are you going to stay?"

"Uh…" Nadia said, deep in thought as she looked from Chase to Erin for assistance.

"Please" Chase requested, getting out of bed to greet his girlfriend with a hug.

"I'd love to. I have to leave in an hour though" Nadia agreed, smiling as Chase released her hand in order to grab Shay around the waist. Hoisting the toddler over his head, he threatened to drop her as he bobbed under the doorframe making her squeal in delight he continued to play as he led the way downstairs. Nadia joined the pair on the couch to watch cartoons after checking that Erin didn't need any help. Kelly made the pancakes as Erin sat on the bench feeding Ember, keeping conversation light as they brainstormed activities for the day. Getting out of the house and keeping Chase busy were their priorities so after breakfast they farewelled Nadia and prepared for an outing to the park.

"Hat on your head Shay" Kelly instructed as he crouched down to untuck the leg of her overalls from the orange and black striped Blaze sock she wore.

"But Daddy!" Shay complained spinning her hat on her hand.

"Hat on or we can't go" He warned with a shrug, making sure her shoes were done up properly while he was bent down.

"Why?" Shay questioned, dropping her hat over her shoulder so she could launch herself at him, gripping his shirt with both hands as he stood up.

"Because" He reasoned, placing her back on her feet and retrieving her hat.

"Why but Daddy?" She pressed, raising the hat as if to put it on before stuffing the brim into her mouth.

"I don't want you getting sunburnt" Kelly explained as he took the hat from her, avoiding the wet patch as he put it on her head.

"Why?" Shay demanded, taking the hat off before throwing it, thankfully Kelly could catch it.

"Because I love you" He concluded handing it back to her. "Hat on now so we can get the pram out of the car for Emmy… To help Mama" He explained enthusiastically.

"Helping? Like a job?" She questioned, spinning the hat again as she waited for the answer.

"Yeah, a job to help Mama" He encouraged, pointing to the hat.

"I do it, go 'way Daddy, I no need you" Shay said as she pushed past him, twisting the door handle as she tried to get outside. Kelly leaned forward, applying just enough pressure to keep the door closed.

"Hat Shay" He reminded.

"Daddy" Shay groaned, he could have sworn she rolled her eyes before putting her hat on, leading the way down the front stairs to her mother's car. "I press the button Daddy?" She requested when she heard the jingle of the keys.

"Okay" He agreed handing her the keys, she pressed the unlock button with practiced ease then gave him back the keys. She struggled for a moment then looked to him for help, refusing to admit the need aloud. He complied immediately, shoved aside again to watch in awe as she managed to get the pram unfolded.

"Thank you princess" Erin smiled as she approached, letting Shay help do up the restraints and tuck the blanket around her little sister. Chase finished locking the front door and joined them as they reached the gate, lifting Shay to carry her on his shoulders as they made their way to the park.

"Where'd you sleep?" Kelly enquired, taking his wife's hand he slowed their pace to let Chase get further ahead, looking forward to talking to her.

"Chase's room, remind me to buy him curtains" She requested, leaning into his side until he slipped his arm around her waist.

"I'm sorry and thank you" He replied softly.

"How are you?" She questioned, looking up at him to leave no doubt in his mind that she wanted a real answer.

"I'm alright, Shay's fine, I wasn't even in the car" He dismissed, eyes instantly finding Chase, ducking under a low tree branch as Shay giggled.

"He's alright too, you don't have to worry about him, he's an adult" She reminded, putting aside her own worries in order to sound genuine. It appeared to have been a matter of them reassuring themselves that the little girl wasn't Shay and that the act of saving her they hadn't actually ruined her life.

"He's a kid… He's our kid… I should have been in the car…" He shook his head, frustrated by his own actions.

"Don't blame yourself" She instructed firmly. "He's our kid, he'll be fine, he's got us."

"I didn't think we'd have an adult son for a while" Kelly nodded, relaxing as he once again realised he had done all he could.

"Yeah, seeing as we have daughters" She laughed, not sure he knew how thankful she was that he had allowed Chase to join their family.

"For now" He shrugged.

"Oh really?" Erin challenged, shaking her head as she looked at their two month old daughter, hoping he understood that another baby was a long way off.

"Mhmm" He winked, halting suddenly so he could kiss her forehead.

"I love you" She sighed, kissing him quickly before continuing on their way, lagging so far behind that Chase and Shay had already reached the park. Opposites evident as they played, Shay small and giggly while Chase was too big to fit down the slide, smiling but silent. Erin and Kelly settled on a park bench to watch them, making up for the lack of proximity overnight by snuggling together. Ember woke up and was quickly freed from the pram to play with her parents, kicking and reaching while laughing and dribbling. Kelly groaned when his phone rang, wishing he had left the device at home as he got up and moved away to answer it. Erin was quick to react to the frown on Ember's face, assuring her that her daddy would be back soon. In response Ember kicked her in the chest then sneezed forcefully.

"Sorry" He apologised when he returned, looking tired again.

"Everything okay?" Erin enquired, handing Ember over once he had sat down.

"Good news, bad news. That was Boden. We get tomorrow off. But the dad from the accident last night has just been rushed into emergency surgery… A bleed on the brain or something. It's not good, that family has the worst luck" Kelly explained, keeping his tone cheerful so that Ember kept smiling.

"He's in the right place" She comforted, not sure what more she could say.

"He seemed fine last night… Once they're done I, we, might head over to the hospital for a bit" He said softly, looking across to Shay and Chase, carefree just as they should be.

"Yeah okay" She nodded, smiling as she decided to make the most of the time they had together.


	138. Chapter 138

Chase couldn't remember the last time he'd been under so much pressure to make the right decision in a retail setting. Tilting his head to the side he took a deep breath, scanning from the top left of the display again. There were so many options, bright colours assaulting his eyes as he called on all the knowledge he had regarding flowers. A poorly timed trip to the bathroom meant he had been volunteered for the job of buying flowers for the Webb family. The firehouse 51 family had passed around Cruz's hat in the waiting room to pool money he could spend in the hospital gift shop. Everyone had been generous and there were no financial restrictions to help narrow down his choices.

"Do you need any help?" The shop assistant enquired, approaching the baffled looking man who had stood unmoving for almost ten minutes.

"Um… Yes please. I need flowers that have a congratulations/get well soon vibe…" Chase explained hopefully, scratching his head as the assistant processed his request.

"Okay, what about these?" She suggested encouragingly gesturing to a bouquet of orange, yellow and white roses.

"More colourful? With some pink?" He questioned uncertainly.

"These then?" She offered, pointing to a combination of soft pink, peach, yellow and orange instead.

"Yeah, they're pretty" He agreed, he had been tossing up between those and the sunflowers to begin with.

"Very, is that all you're after today?" She asked, taking the flowers to the counter.

"Yes, thanks" He nodded, reaching into his pocket for the assorted money he had been handed.

"Which card would you like?" The teen requested, pointing to the options. Faced with another decision Chase barely contained the urge to groan and ask her to choose, pointing to the most neutral after a moment of thought. "And the message?"

"Oh… Best wishes, Firehouse 51?" He suggested weakly, unable to think of anything better on the spot.

"Easy" She smiled, proceeding to write the message in swirling calligraphy with expert precision.

"That's very pretty" Chase couldn't help but comment as she decorated the blank space with delicate flowers and twisting vines.

"I get plenty of practice, but thank you" She laughed, flicking the card to ensure the ink was dry before slipping it into an envelope and tucking it amongst the flowers. "You're a fireman?" She enquired curiously.

"Yeah" He answered, not sure why she was asking.

"These are for someone you helped?" She continued.

"Mhmm" He nodded, extending his handful of crumpled cash towards her.

"Don't worry then" She shook her head, sliding the flowers across the counter.

"Hmm?" He questioned, not sure what she meant.

"Thanks for everything you do" She grinned, lifting the flowers to hand them to him.

"Are you sure?" He asked, extremely surprised by the suggestion that he needn't pay for the flowers. Conflicted between insisting on paying and accepting her random act of kindness.

"Absolutely, I hope everything turns out" She assured with a nod.

"Thank you" Chase smiled, stuffing a ten dollar bill into the tip jar – making her laugh – before turning to leave the store. Smiling broadly and shaking his head, he inhaled the light fragrance of the flowers as he walked towards the glass doors he had entered through. There was nothing extraordinary about it but a bright pink teddy bear on a shelf next to the door caught his attention, he stopped midstride and made the split second decision to buy it.

"Did you… Oh, couldn't resist the fluffiness?" The shop assistant questioned as he placed the bear on the counter and pulled out his wallet..

"I could practically hear my little sister squealing. I just hope that all little girls like pink teddy bears…" He trailed off, wondering if he was making the right decision in buying the bear for Tully.

"I'm sure she will" She assured, placing the bear in a gift bag while he swiped his card and punched in his PIN.

"Thanks" He concluded, slipping the bag onto his wrist so he still had one free hand. His second attempt to leave the store was successful and he made his way to the nearest elevator, tapping his foot as he waited. Chase barely recognised the familiar face in the back corner.

"Hey, Chase isn't it? Are the girls okay?" Will Halstead questioned, having briefly met him when Ember was hospitalised.

"Will, yeah Shay and Emmy are fine. These are for a kid we rescued on the job" Chase explained quickly.

"That's okay then" Will sighed, glad his favourite little worm hadn't had another accident.

"Actually… Would you be able to help me?" Chase questioned, he had dismissed the idea as impossible but with a member of staff he might be able to pull it off.

"Do what?" Will asked, checking his very expensive watch.

"Just some minor surgery" Chase answered softly, still receiving strange looks from the other people in the elevator.

"Um… okay" Will agreed, intrigued.

"We're gonna need scissors, a suture kit and a bandage" Chase listed as he started to seriously consider the feasibility of what he was attempting.

"We'll go back down then" Will nodded, pressing the button for the ground floor where he had free access to the emergency department store cupboards. Will remained silent then until they were in the storage room, away from prying eyes and ears. "So what are we doing?"

"Amputating the leg of this teddy bear" Chase explained, holding the bag open so Will could see their patient.

"Okay?" Will laughed, as confused as he was amused.

"We had to amputate a little girl's leg and I think it'd help if she had a toy she could relate to" Chase continued.

"I think we even have pink silk thread somewhere…" Will smiled, valuing the cause and becoming more invested. After searching for a few minutes he found what he was after, retrieving a small bandage at the same time then leading Chase through to the staffroom. They got the teddy bear out and after Chase pointed Will made the cut, carefully so he could close it cleanly. They stuffed the upper leg nicely then Chase held the furry fabric together while Will made neat little stitches.

"Perfect" Chase confirmed as Will started to bandage the shortened limb.

"I hope she likes it" Will smiled, checking his watch again to see that he was now running late. "You know your way back?"

"Yeah, thanks man" Chase nodded, placing the teddy back in the bag before collecting the flowers.

"No problem" Will added, waving over his shoulder as he rushed off down the corridor, dropping the severed teddy bear leg in the nearest bin. Chase didn't really know his way back but it only took him a few minutes to find the elevator and from there he retraced his steps to the waiting room.

"We thought you'd run off!" Herrmann joked as Chase handed the flowers to Gabby, whose idea it had been.

"Just got a little side tracked" Chase explained as he dug into his pocket to return the money.

"Did you steal them?" Gabby demanded, certain it was the same amount of money he had had to begin with.

"No, the shop assistant was really nice" Chase answered seriously, though he sensed she had only been joking.

"What's that?" Otis questioned, pointing to the bag Chase kept a hold of.

"A present for Tully" He smiled, proudly showing off the teddy.

"They sell amputee teddies?" Gabby exclaimed, not sure if she should laugh or cringe.

"No, Will and I modified it for her" He explained.

"Good job" Kelly nodded.

"Yeah, great idea Kid" Tony added, prompting a few similar statements from the others.

"Come on then, we'll go see Kylie" Gabby encouraged Chase after watching the clock for a few minutes to be sure it was visiting hours on the maternity ward. They got up, leaving everyone else to wait on news from the neurosurgeon regarding Jason. Gabby spoke with the nurses and got the room number, continuing to lead the way. Kylie looked incredibly pleased to see them, near tears when she accepted the flowers. After thanking them she showed off her perfectly healthy baby girl, Zia. They continued to make small talk and keep her company until a nurse came in to tell her that her husband's surgery had been a success and that a full recovery was expected. Chase got up the courage to apologise before showing her the bear and asking permission to go see Tully before they left her in peace. Neither was sure what to expect and even with years of experience Gabby was just as nervous as Chase.

"Tully? Tulitha Webb?" The nurse confirmed before leading them down the corridor, wall murals of a farmyard making Chase smile. Before long they were arriving in the little girl's room. She looked bigger on the bed than she had in the car, surprising them both with her wide smile as she watched Dora the Explorer on the television. "You have some visitors Tully" The nurse explained with a smile.

"Mummy?" Tully questioned, looking past them to the door in the hope of seeing her mother.

"No, your Mummy can't visit until later remember" The nurse reminded calmly, straightening the blankets around the little girl.

"Okay" Tully accepted, looking at the two strangers critically. "I know you" She said, extending a little arm to point at Chase.

"You remember me? My name's Chase and I…" He started, not having expected her to be so healthy looking so soon after losing a limb. She had had emergency surgery upon her arrival at the hospital, spending the night recovering before waking up with her father by her side. With the help of a doctor and a psychologist he had explained what had happened before collapsing and being taken away for treatment himself. Since then the nurses had kept a close eye on the little girl, who seemed to be taking the loss of her left leg below the knee extraordinarily well.

"You was there when the tree squished us!" Tully nodded, his gentle face and calm voice made her feel safe.

"Yeah we were there to help" Gabby explained, having been suffering with massive guilt for making the call when she had.

"Press the magic button if you need me" The nurse reminded before leaving the fireman and paramedic with the little girl.

"Do you like Princess Dora?" Chase questioned when the little girl ignored them in favour of the cartoon.

"Dora isn't a princess! That's silly" Tully shook her head, clearly big boys were just as clueless as little boys when it came to Dora.

"You're right, sorry. I have something here for you" He changed the subject, handing her the bag.

"A present?!" She smiled excitedly.

"Yeah" He encouraged, eager to see her reaction to the personalised toy.

"It's not Christmas! Or my birthday for another half!" Tully explained as looked cautiously at the bag, remembering something her parents had said about presents from strangers.

"Another half?" Gabby asked, making use of the chair next to the hospital bed.

"I'm three and a half, so I gotta wait another half for my birthday" Tully justified, running her fingers along the edge of the bag.

"It's a present for being really brave" Chase explained, not sure what more he could say to convince her to look at it.

"Thank you" Tully smiled politely before opening the bag to reveal her fluffy pink present. "He's like me!"

"I thought you might need a friend" Chase nodded, her grin reflecting back on his own face.

"He's the best bear ever, I'm gonna take him to the park for the teddy bear's picnic soon… When Mummy and Daddy come get me…" Tully trailed off sadly.

"We saw your Mummy and your baby sister, she's very cute" Gabby assured.

"I wanna meet her but I not allowed until Mummy and Daddy are all better too" Tully frowned, she had been looking forward to her sister's arrival and was frustrated that she couldn't see her.

"Are you all better?" Gabby enquired, noting the way the little girl worded her statement.

"Yeah" Tully nodded emphatically, quite sure that much was obvious.

"That's good to hear, I'm sure it won't be long until you get to meet her" Chase smiled, settling on the end of the bed.

"Have you got a sister?" Tully asked after a moment.

"I have two sisters" He answered with a proud smile. For years he had been certain he would never have siblings, or a real family.

"Are they big sisters or little sisters?" She questioned curiously.

"Little sisters, even littler than you" He replied, wondering how many more questions she would have.

"How old are you?"

"I'm almost twenty-three."

"That's old!" She gasped, that seemed incredibly old. Gabby was very glad when her phone rang so Tully couldn't ask her the same question.

"Yeah" Chase agreed, watching Gabby curiously.

"Do you have to go?" Tully asked disappointedly.

"No, if you like I can stay here until your Mummy comes to visit" He offered.

"That's a long time" She warned, he might be old but he didn't seem very serious.

"Until after lunch" He nodded to evidence that he was aware of just how long it would be before her mother came to visit.

"Okay" Tully agreed, still sounding a little cautious.

"I do have to go sorry sweetie, it was lovely to meet such a brave girl" Gabby apologised before turning to Chase "I'll tell Kelly that you're here."

"Thanks" He smiled as Gabby turned to leave.

"Who's Kelly?" Tully demanded and Chase suspected the questioning was going to start all over again.

"My dad."

"Your dad? But you're a grown up!" She laughed.

"I still have a dad" He defended quickly.

"My daddy's sick" She sighed, cuddling her new bear to her chest as she lay back.

"The doctors are making him better" Chase attempted to cheer her up. At first he wasn't sure his words had any effect, she seemed to remain deep in thought for the next few minutes.

"Do you want to play a game?" Tully suggested, ending the silence. Chase agreed though he had no idea how they were going to play a game. Tully was particularly good at making rules for games, taking twice as long to explain her game as it did to play it. They only managed one round before her lunch arrived. Chase enjoyed getting to know her and was glad he had decided to stay. Every little smile she gave made him feel better about what had happened though he had to credit her parents for raising such a resilient child. Tully clearly enjoyed his company, requesting his phone number so he could come over to her house to play when she got better. He supplied the number, mentioning it to Kylie when she was wheeled into the room, she thanked him yet again before he said goodbye and left them alone.

Shay was angered when he wouldn't stop talking about Tully over dinner but Erin did her best to keep the toddler distracted. Pleased that Chase had had the opportunity to spend time with Tully, it was clearly an important step in the process of forgiving himself. Tully was completely forgotten the moment dinner was over. Chase was keen to spend time with Shay, giving her a bath while her parents bathed Ember. He read to Shay and put her to bed as well, realising that his words had prompted her dinnertime stabbing spree, desperate to make amends. Chase was glad that they didn't then have to go to work, looking forward to spending the next day with Shay. He was already planning something big if only he could get their parents' permission. Their bedroom door was closed for the night so he left them alone, getting ready for bed then talking on the phone with Nadia until quite late. It wasn't until he looked up when lying down in bed that he realised he had new curtains, falling asleep with a big smile on his face.


	139. Chapter 139

"Do you want to go see what's on the TV Shay?" Chase questioned as he spooned the last of the milk from her cereal bowl into her mouth. Shay could feed herself proficiently but at times used the task as a way of asserting control over the people around her. In this case it was a test of loyalty, despite his extra efforts at bedtime Shay still hadn't fully forgiven Chase for speaking so highly of another little girl. She was his best sister and sharing with Ember and Nadia was hard enough, in her eyes Tully was a definite threat.

"Yeah" Shay nodded, stacking her bowl in his as she stood on her chair, stepping across to stand on his lap.

"Go on then" He encouraged, putting her down on the floor.

"Come with me Chasey" She demanded, when she couldn't grab his hand she took a handful of his shirt to pull instead.

"No, I need to talk to Mummy and Daddy" Chase explained after turning in his chair and bending slightly to be closer to her eye level.

"I wait" She shrugged, making to climb back up onto his lap.

"It's a grown-up talk Shay" He added, setting her back down.

"But Chasey…" Shay whined, combining a wide eyed demanding look with a frown.

"Go turn the TV on, I'll be there in a few minutes" He requested with a smile, tapping his finger on the tip of her nose to force her to relax her frown. She nodded and started towards the door, walking as slowly as she could, dragging her feet and regularly looking over her shoulder. Noticing that not only did she have Chase's attention but her parents were watching as well.

"I miss you but Chasey" She sniffed, pressing her chubby cheek flat against the doorframe as she hugged it.

"I'm sorry princess, I'll be really quick" He assured with a serious nod.

"Promise?" Shay questioned, releasing the doorframe to match his seriousness.

"I promise. Now off you go" He instructed, waving as she took a moment to sigh exasperatedly then turned to continue her slow walking. His eyes remained on the doorway until he was unable to hear her footsteps in the hallway. Erin and Kelly looked at each other then to Chase as they waited for him to explain himself, both adopting curious expressions. "I didn't want to get her hopes up if you don't like my idea" Chase explained.

"Which is?" Erin prompted impatiently.

"I'd like to build Shay – well both girls actually – a sandpit in the backyard" Chase began as he retrieved two folded pieces of paper from his pocket one a rough sketch and the other some printed instructions. "As you can see it's a pretty straightforward design and Shay really enjoyed the sandpit at the museum" He continued, knowing they would remember having to bribe the toddler to leave the interactive activity. "Obviously ours won't have a dinosaur skeleton at the bottom…" He clarified when they didn't speak straight away.

"Where exactly?" Erin enquired, filling time while Kelly read the instructions thoroughly.

"Back left corner, under the tree for shade. Of course wearing a hat will be a condition of playing in it. The weather at this time of year is perfect for playing outside and this way she can play outside without you having to pack both girls up to leave the house. If you use the baby monitor Emmy can sleep upstairs while Shay plays in the backyard" He rambled persuasively, attempting to convince them that it was a good idea.

"Mhmm. What do you think?" Erin questioned, turning to her husband for his opinion. She thought it was a brilliant idea and Chase seemed to have put a lot of thought into it, only a little hesitant due to the potential for construction related injuries.

"It's a good idea, I think if we work together we could get it done today" Kelly decided, handing the instructions back to Chase.

"Is that factoring in having Shay as a 'helper'?" Erin asked, making it clear that Shay could be just as much of a hindrance.

"Yeah, it's just four planks of wood and some weed matting" Chase answered dismissively, quite sure he could find jobs that were appropriately difficult to keep the two year old entertained and out from underfoot.

"Okay, just promise me this won't be the lawn mower all over again because I don't know who to call to fix a broken sandpit" Erin requested, partly serious but mostly teasing.

"Are you ever going to let that go?" Kelly complained as he threw her a frustrated look.

"Probably not" She answered honestly. "You also need to think about how you're going to cover it" She added, resisting the urge to take control so it was done the way she wanted.

"We'll figure it out" Chase confirmed.

"Shay needs to wear sunscreen and a hat. Long sleeves would be great if you can get her to cooperate, she's quite argumentative" She cautioned them.

"Yeah" Kelly agreed, recalling the difficulty he had had getting her hat on the previous day.

"Set a good example, hats and sunscreen for you too" She insisted, suspecting Chase would have no trouble getting Shay to be sun safe given that she loved to copy him.

"Yes mum" Chase accepted with a small smile, starting to gather all of their breakfast dishes.

"What are you going to do?" Kelly enquired, rubbing circles on the back of his wife's hand with his thumb.

"Have a day with my baby girl. I'll be around if you need help and… try not to have too much fun" She laughed softly, noticing the Ember was starting to look tired.

"Off course" He assured, kissing her head before following Chase to questioned. She listened to them planning as they no doubt made ridiculous gestures and pointed through the kitchen window. When she heard them unlock the back door she got up to see what Shay was up to and keep her company, Chase had clearly forgotten his promise.

"Mama! Where Chasey?" Shay demanded when the wrong person entered the lounge room.

"He's talking with Daddy, they'll be inside soon" Erin explained, taking a seat next to the toddler on the couch.

"What they doin'?" Shay questioned, sliding forward so she could go investigate if her mother didn't answer sufficiently.

"They're planning something…for you" Erin whispered as if it were a big secret, hoping Shay would like the idea.

"What?!" Shay squealed, climbing across onto her mother's lap in her excitement.

"I'm sure they'll tell you when they come in. It's a surprise but they're going to need your help. Make sure you listen and do what they say" She requested as she modified the way she was holding Ember to make room for Shay.

"Okay…" Shay nodded, massive smile and wide eyes remaining as she cuddled against her mother. "Can I holds EmEm?" She asked when there was no sign of her father or brother a moment later.

"She's very sleepy" Erin warned.

"I cuddle her to sleep" Shay accepted, extending her arms for the baby.

"Okay" Erin nodded, carefully lowering Ember into Shay's hold, a hand on the toddler's elbow to help support the baby's head.

"I sing her lullby?" Shay suggested enthusiastically, turning her head to look up at her mother.

"Could you whisper a lullaby?" Erin questioned using her free hand to rub Ember's back as her eyes started to remain closed for longer with each blink.

"Listen, I whisper-sing Mama!" Shay declared loudly.

"Ssh, I'm listening" Erin encouraged in a barely audible whisper, providing an example of an appropriate volume.

"Rocket bye babeeey, in tree flops. When the wind blows there's lots of rocks…" Shay started in a harsh whisper, forgetting the rest of the words she mumbled to the rest of the familiar melody then composed her own song. "Sleepy-time EmmyBear, close you eyeeeeesses… Sleep 'cause you s'pposed to, when you all tired. Then you can play with me and Daddy and Chasey and Mama…" Shay finished, about to list the rest of her family when her mother pointed to the already sleeping baby. Leaning forward to kiss Shay's cheek, heart swelling with happiness to be able to cuddle both her little girls at once. A few minutes later Kelly and Chase arrived, apologising when Ember was woken by the rapid transfer from her big sister to her mother, Shay rushing at them and bombarding them with questions. Erin calmed Ember with ease then took her upstairs to her crib, approving Shay's outfit and braiding her hair before the trio left for the hardware store. The next time Erin saw them was through the laundry window an hour later, the two men carried a massive piece of wood between them while Shay led the way. They repeated the job three more times as Erin sorted the next few loads of washing and scratched Sooty's chin until she purred loudly.

"They're going to make a mess aren't they" Erin muttered to the cat as she refrained from yelling through the window, Shay tangled in the thick black weed matting and seconds away from an accident. Instead she went upstairs to check on Ember, still sound asleep, continuing to tidy as she moved around the house. It was easy to lose time when one job led straight to another. Taking a break to get a drink led to her organising their cookbooks, then searching through them for inspiration for lunch. Feeling adventurous she successfully turned lactose free milk into ricotta cheese, combining it with spinach and bacon pieces as filling for pastry triangles. Her additional effort almost went to waste as she left them to bake while attending Ember, rushing to turn the oven off when she did remembered them. Some were slightly darker and crunchier than she would have liked but nobody seemed to mind. Lunch was followed by a second trip to the hardware store, the entire family arguing over the best way to secure the four wooden edges together. One shop assistant and eight huge screws later Kelly, Chase and Shay returned to work in the backyard. Erin played with Ember on the lounge room floor, making her work her neck and arm muscles to retrieve toys. Talking softly to encourage her very easily frustrated baby to persist.

"Er, come look" Kelly called from the kitchen door just as Ember started to cry from exhaustion.

"Good timing huh bub" Erin commented as she scooped the baby up and made her way outside. The weed matting was in place, lining the bottom of the skilfully edged sandpit, looking surprisingly good. "That looks great."

"Mama it my sandpit" Shay announced proudly, stepping into the square space.

"Well ah… actually… at the moment it's just a pit… we need to go back to the hardware store for sand" Chase explained softly, eyeing Kelly before accepting the unsurprised but highly amused look on Erin's face.

"You didn't buy sand the first time?" She questioned, unsure how the most vital element of their construction had been forgotten.

"No…" Chase admitted with a scowl.

"Well I think the boys should go get some sand while we have a bit of a rest" Erin suggested to Shay.

"I wanna play sandpit Mama" The toddler argued, not wanting to miss out on the fun part after hours of hard work.

"I know, and when you wake up it'll be all finished so you can play" Erin explained enthusiastically.

"Chasey you gots to make sure Daddy doesn't break it" Shay instructed as she climbed out of her sandpit and made her way to her brother.

"Sure thing princess, have a nice big sleep for me and then we can play" Chase smiled, crouching down to give her a hug before ushering her towards her mother.

"Can I have a hug Shay?" Kelly questioned as his daughter continued past him.

"Yes! Silly Daddy" Shay laughed as she changed direction at the last second, hugging him before skipping to claim the hand her mother offered. They went upstairs together, Erin putting Ember down to sleep while Shay went to the bathroom and settled in her bed.

"Sleep well princess" Erin said softly as she tucked the blanket around Shay and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Love…you Mama" Shay replied with a big yawn, hand searching for Roary then pulling him in under the blankets before going to sleep.

"I love you too Shay" She whispered, smoothing Shay's hair back from her face as the toddler tried but failed to keep her eyes open. They remained closed for the next thirty-seven minutes, flying open as Shay remembered what would be waiting after her nap. Smiling the whole time she rolled out of bed, pulled her shoes on and rushed down the stairs, keeping a hold of the railing until the second last step which she always jumped. Rushing through the house she ignored her mother's greeting from the laundry and proceeded out the back door. Kelly and Chase sat on the back stairs, beer in hand to celebrate the completion of the project, and were thrilled by the wondrous look on Shay's face.

"Come on kiddo" Chase smiled, leaving his beer on the step as he lifted Shay into the air, carrying her across to the sandpit to help her remove the canvas cover, revealing untouched soft, white sand. Shay couldn't help but shriek as she climbed in, running her hands over the smooth surface to leave even grooves. Kelly appeared with a dinosaur themed bucket and shovel a moment later making her squeal loudly as she put them straight to use. They worked together to try to make a sandcastle but the sand was too dry to hold together. Chase retrieved the watering can from the shed to remedy the problem, though their first attempt failed when the sand was too wet to slide free of the bucket. Having mastered the technique after a few more tried they continued to play, having a competition to make the best castle, oblivious to Erin taking photos from the top of the stairs. Shay remained outside for the remainder of the afternoon, the idea turning out to be far more of success than they anticipated.

"Shay you need to come inside now, its dinner time" Erin informed, moving from the kitchen window to the back door so that Shay could hear her.

"I'm not hungry" Shay yelled back, not looking up from her sand sculpture of a dinosaur-unicorn.

"Shay, now please" Erin requested, stirring the pasta sauce before leaving the stove unattended to retrieve the toddler.

"No Mama I not hungry" Shay argued, still concentrating on the sand.

"Too bad, it's dinner time" Erin reasoned, holding out her hand.

"No" Shay shook her head as she looked up, determining that her mother was serious. It didn't lessen her determination to keep playing though, returning to shaping the sand with her hands.

"Yes, dinner then bed, you can play again tomorrow" Erin said more firmly, stepping closer so she was right at the edge of the sandpit.

"No" Shay repeated flatly.

"Please Shay."

"Nope" Shay denied recoiling from the hand that attempted to grasp hers.

"It's too dark to play Shay" Erin justified as she took a seat on wooden edge, not sure how best to physically remove the toddler without spreading sand everywhere.

"Mama I maked my bed" Shay explained and she moved further away to run her hand over a smooth mound of sand.

"Yeah? Come have dinner so you can sleep in it" Erin encouraged, slightly confused by the statement because Shay had been in such a rush to get outside following her nap.

"I maked a sand bed Mama" Shay elaborated as she lay down, resting her head on the mound before giving a very fake yawn. Erin sighed and got up, leaving Shay without a word.

"Chase!" She yelled the moment she was inside, deciding to delegate the task as she returned to cooking.

"What did I do?" He questioned when he entered the room.

"She wants to sleep out there. Go get her for me?" Erin requested politely, giving him an encouraging smile.

"I'm just about going to have to sell my soul aren't I?" He nodded, looking out to Shay in the fading light, playing happily in the sandpit it had been his idea to make.

"Good luck" Erin laughed as he took a deep breath and ventured outside. He didn't have to sell his soul, just his sleep, vowing to take Shay outside to play first thing in the morning if she came and ate her dinner. The toddler accepted instantly, standing up and dusting herself off before following him inside, spreading sand across the kitchen floor when she took her shoes off. Chase regretted every word when at six o'clock the next morning Shay burst into his room, dressed haphazardly and with streaks of sunscreen running across her face and limbs. Exhausted he agreed to test out her sand bed, waking up half buried some time later. Shay encountered the same problem they had had with her at the beach, a thick layer of sand sticking to the sunscreen that forced them to hose her off in the late afternoon. She had remained outside all day even eating her breakfast and lunch, both topped with plenty of sand, outside.

**The day we built my sandpit is one of the most memorable from my early childhood and I wanted Shay to have that. It was also a nice quiet family day for them all. I keep wanting Emmy to play but she's still too little… I'll be skipping time here and there to keep things interesting :D **


	140. Chapter 140

"Can you put these in your pocket for me?" Erin requested, handing her husband a small packet of tissues as she emerged from the bathroom. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen the form fitting dark grey dress before; combined with the smoky makeup and black heels she looked utterly breathtaking.

"Sure" He agreed when he conquered his slack jawed expression, plastic crinkling as he reached around to carelessly stuff them in his back pocket.

"No your front pocket so you can reach them" She insisted, pointing to the pocket she meant.

"Uh?" He questioned, mind still struggling to function with so much of her skin on display, eyes lingering on her flawless curves. Erin had no idea the outfit had effectively short-circuited his brain, snatching the tissues back to put them where she wanted them.

"This one is for quick access and these are spares" She explained as she tucked one into the front right pocket of his jacket then put the rest into the left inside pocket. Taking a step back she looked him over critically, smiling softly when she was satisfied the tissues didn't make a visible bulge. Kelly finally found her eyes, pushing aside the disappointment of being deprived of the perfect view of her cleavage to return her smile.

"Why?" He asked, his brain had caught up enough for him to notice that her fuss over something so inconsequential was out of character. Her eyes darted to the floor at the single word question leaving him more confused than before. It was a momentous occasion but her body language read dread rather than excitement.

"I can't…" She started stepping closer to him again, eyes slowly moving to meet his questioning gaze, surprising him with her sudden vulnerability. "I can't guarantee I won't cry" She admitted in barely a whisper, visibly bracing herself for the ridicule the statement would no doubt bring. If not from his lips than from the voice inside her head, already telling her she was being pathetic.

"Babe" He smiled sensitively, running his hand down her arm as he gave an understanding look, ignoring the electric feeling the contact sparked.

"I know, it's a celebration but… it's a really big deal" She tried to explain, already struggling to keep her emotions in check.

"Absolutely" He nodded emphatically, trying to smother his concern in order to be supportive.

"This is the beginning of the rest of her life, leaving everything behind…" She continued quietly, wondering if her intense emotions were a result of the memories she couldn't seem to push from her mind. Thinking back to the day when it had been her.

"Babe, I get it. Cry all you want, I'll have tissues at the ready" He assured, stepping in to hug her, pressing his lips to her hair as he massaged her tense shoulders.

"I used waterproof mascara" She laughed, pulling away a moment later with a determined look on her face. He could still see the conflicting emotions beneath, he was her husband and it was his job to know her well enough for that.

"And you look amazing, but we have two girls to get ready and if they take as long as you did we're going to be late" He responded, moderating his tone skilfully to elevate the mood.

"We can't be late!" She replied anxiously, rushing to the bedside table for her phone to check the time. He was right, she had taken far too long to get herself ready and if Shay threw a tantrum they would never get there on time.

"Which one do you want?" He questioned, hoping that offering to help would allow her to relax a little.

"Shay, I'll just get out Emmy's clothes for you" Erin answered as she crossed the room to the drawers of baby clothes, pulling out a soft, apricot coloured knit dress and some grey spotted tights.

"Oh god, not tights" He complained always struggling to get Ember's kicking legs into the small leg holes.

"I'll send Chase to help you" She offered before stuffing the clothes into his hands, retrieving a grey crocheted hat and soft black leather shoes to complete the infant's outfit.

"Thanks" He smiled, looking down at the clothes then across at the sleeping baby. Erin gave an encouraging smile then left him, headed down the hallway to the furthest bedroom door.

"Chase" She called as she knocked twice sharply. "Can you help Kelly with Emmy when you're ready?"

"Sure" The young man answered as he opened the door, looking smart in tan dress pants, a blue button down and navy blazer. Erin couldn't help herself, automatically reaching across to straighten his tie, making sure it sat flat before smiling and giving him a nod of approval. Only when he sped off down the hall ahead of her did she notice his odd socks. She was still laughing to herself when she entered Shay's bedroom. The dress she had chosen for the toddler was hanging ready but getting Shay into it could prove difficult, depending on her mood when she woke up.

"Shay, time to wake up beautiful" Erin whispered as she sat down on the toddler's bed, placing a hand on Shay's shoulder. "Time to wake up Shay" She repeated a little louder. Waking her gently was vital to ensuring her cooperation for the rest of the afternoon and evening.

"Mama?" Shay mumbled as she started to stir, drawing Roary up to hide her face.

"It's time to go to Aunty Nadia's special graduation" She explained cheerfully.

"Princess Nada party?" Shay questioned, waking up slowly but already starting to feel excited.

"Yeah, the party is after the graduation" She nodded, having explained everything to the toddler when she had overheard her booking the restaurant for a celebratory dinner party on the phone. Taking Nadia out to celebrate at her favourite Italian restaurant had been Erin's idea but Chase agreed it was exactly what Nadia would want, even if she didn't know it yet.

"I wear my dress?" Shay enquired as she pointed over at the dress, alternating horizontal stripes of grey and apricot. Erin didn't want the girls to match but by dressing them in coordinating colours it looked like she had put in more effort than she ever actually would.

"Mhmm, let's get your dress on" Erin smiled, lifting Shay up as she stood. Unable to resist hugging the warm and snuggly toddler, kissing her plump cheek before moving across the room towards the dress.

"I got toilet first" Shay decided as she wriggled from her mother's hold.

"Okay, I'll wait here for you" Erin nodded, using the time to find a matching ribbon in the overflowing box of hair accessories Shay owned. If it wasn't for Ember she would agree with her husband that it was an excessive collection.

"You do my hair pretty Mama?" Shay asked when she returned and saw what her mother was doing.

"If we have enough time" She answered, helping the toddler out of her clothes before pulling the dress on over her head. Shay enjoyed stretching her arms through the arm holes then twirling to test the skirt.

"Stay still so I can do your hair now" Erin instructed, as she started to run the comb through Shay's hair, thankful it was behaving for once.

"I want Elsa hair Mama" Shay requested quickly, knowing that she would miss out if her mother started before she told her want she wanted.

"Elsa braid or Elsa bun?" Erin questioned, having caused many a tantrum by doing the wrong one.

"The twisty one" Shay answered, hands momentarily getting in the way as she reached up to demonstrate.

"Okay" Erin complied, parting and twisting the hair to the side in her best attempt at Elsa's coronation hair style, something that was difficult with the toddler's relatively short hair. The bun was tiny and the ribbon made it look awful so Erin discarded it before steering Shay in front of the mirror to look.

"I pretty princess" Shay beamed at herself, twisting from side to side to make the skirt flare.

"Yes you are a very pretty princess. Can you go put on your sparkly princess shoes for me?" Erin asked as she led Shay out of her room and to the top of the stairs, voices from the bedroom indicated that Ember wasn't yet ready.

"I… okay" Shay decided, thinking better of arguing when she saw her mother's grumpy face starting to appear, brought on by the thought of being late. Erin watched the toddler bounce down the stairs then went to see what she could do to hurry them along. Thankfully Kelly and Chase were almost finished dressing Ember, each easing a little foot into a shoe.

"All ready" Chase smiled, gently putting the hat on her head as her father picked her up.

"Good, it's time to go" Erin replied taking Ember from her husband so that he could put on his shoes. Chase was reminded of the need for footwear and dashed off to his bedroom to grab the pair he had bought specifically for the occasion. In fact other than his socks and underwear his entire outfit was new.

"Do we have to go?" Kelly asked as he stood up, smoothing the black jacket his wife had insisted he wear. He knew he was lucky she hadn't forced him into a full suit, compromising on his best jeans and a charcoal button down.

"Yes! Why?" Erin demanded, swaying from side to side to keep Ember happy.

"I'm not sure I should let you out looking like that" He teased, raising his eyebrows as he let his eyes wander, heart rate increasing uncontrollably.

"We don't have time for this" She complained as she turned swiftly, the rapid spinning movement enough to make Ember throw up. "Shit" She cursed as she looked down to assess the damage, of course the baby had had a full stomach.

"I'll take her, you change" Kelly intervened, secretly proud of his very intelligent daughter. What other two month old would register her father's words and act so quickly. Much to Erin's frustration the massive stain on her dress was the worst of it, other than wiping her chin Ember was clean and didn't need to find a new outfit, at short notice. Kelly watched his wife wordlessly; he knew she would kill him if he presumed to make a suggestion. Not that he wanted her to find another dress, she looked perfect the way she was. Sleek heels and black lace.

"Zip" She commanded abruptly, holding her hair out of the way once she had pulled on a suitable replacement. An unextraordinary black dress that, while still looking good, certainly wasn't as flattering as the grey had been.

"One sec" He requested, placing Ember on the bed instead of risking a repeat incident. Reluctantly he zipped up the dress, unable to resist the urge to kiss the back of her neck, the intoxicating scent of her shampoo and perfume combining to drive him insane.

"Don't you dare" Erin warned turning to look at her husband – his stunned expression questioned how she had read his thoughts – then down at Ember. Cautiously lifting the infant she grabbed him by the tie, dragging him out of the room and down the stairs. "Shay your drawing is on the table, go get it. Chase have you got your present?" She asked, releasing her husband to put Ember in her car seat and retrieve the diaper bag.

"Got it" Shay and Chase confirmed at the same time, handing a crayon drawing and a small box, wrapped in blue, to their mother. Erin carefully put them in the diaper bag along with two wrapped gifts of her own before ushering them out the door. It wasn't until she was checking that Shay's restraints were done up that she noticed the toddler's shoes. Shay had decided against her sparkling silver ballet flats in favour of white lacy socks and her favourite flashing dinosaur footwear. Erin sighed loudly checking the clock on the dashboard, there wasn't enough time to run inside and change them so they would have to do.

**This is just part one of Nadia's graduation – there's more coming tomorrow :D **


	141. Chapter 141

"And you told us not to be late" Adam Ruzek scorned as the Severide family filed into the row of seats ahead of him. Other than throwing him a quick glare Erin didn't have the chance to respond, steering Shay ahead of herself with a hand on top of the toddler's head. Chase took the seat nearest Hank, who greeted the family with a nod, pleasantly surprised when a moment later Shay chose his lap to occupy instead of her brother's. Kelly had taken his place next to Chase, cradling Ember in one arm so he could keep a hold of his wife's hand as she sat down in the last seat of the row. Erin looked around, breathing a sigh of relief when she noticed they weren't the last people to be seated.

"Calm" Kelly instructed in a soft whisper, leaning across so that only his wife could hear him. Her grip on his hand was on the verge of unbearable but the single word had the desired effect and she relaxed her hold. Turning her eyes to the front as the official presentation began. By the end of the brief introductory speech Shay had shifted from her grandpa's lap to Alvin's then she dropped down to the ground and crawled amongst their legs until Chase lifted her up. She remained seated on her brother's lap for the next speech then wriggled free, making her way under his chair to greet her aunts and uncles in the next row. Katie and Kim tried to keep her entertained and quiet but Uncle Adam, already bored despite it being the first academy graduation ceremony he had attended, resorted to pulling faces and making her giggle. A disapproving look over the shoulder from Erin was enough to motivate the toddler to behave, moving on to sit with sensible Uncle Jay. Finally the graduates entered, moving stiffly in their perfectly pressed formal uniforms.

"LOOK!" Shay announced, standing up to point and get a better view.

"Shh Shay" Jay requested as he nodded to confirm that he was indeed looking. They all spotted Nadia at around the same time, at the far end of the front row, eyes forward with a hint of a smile on her otherwise serious face. Kelly grinned when he noticed that his wife wore the exact same expression. As long as it stayed that way he wouldn't need to worry. That didn't stop him though, panic hitting him the moment he realised he couldn't retrieve the tissue for her if she needed it. Not without releasing her hand and shifting the sleeping baby in his arms. He was torn between trusting the instincts that said she wouldn't need it and doing something proactive, like signalling Chase to take Ember. Before he could act her name was called, so distracted he had missed the names of all the graduates before her.

"Nadia Decotis." Nadia took a single step forward, greeted the head of the academy formally then beamed as the badge she had worked so hard for was pinned to her chest. Erin felt overwhelmed with emotion, happiness and pride dominating as her heart soared. She had anticipated the inability to contain the feelings but didn't realise a smile was just as effective as tears in releasing them. Grinning and clapping as Nadia stepped back. Erin was certain that their two rows provided twice as much noise as the rest of the hall combined. Cheering and clapping so enthusiastically that there was a pause in proceedings until they settled. Erin couldn't have cared less as the rest of the graduates received their badges, impatient to hug and congratulate Nadia. Before Chicago's newest police officers were dismissed there was the small matter of determining whose name would grace the honour board for the rest of time. Erin knew who deserved the honour the most but it was up to the teaching staff to nominate, negotiate and ultimately decide. All she could do was wait, ignoring Kelly shifting beside her. "… demonstrating truly exemplary conduct in all areas, displaying skill, determination and hard work in equal measure. Though I do not know her personally I feel confident she will serve this city…" Erin knew in that moment she was going to cry, either from delight at the recognition of Nadia's efforts or in horror and protest if someone else had been chosen. Eyes scanning the cohort Erin quickly dismissed the other female graduates, it couldn't just be bias. Surely he had to be. Who else could he be? "Nadia Decotis." A half sob half laugh bubbled forth at the utterly stunned expression on Nadia's face. The hall erupted in applause but Nadia didn't move, eyes searching until they locked with the one person she thought deserved the recognition. Erin didn't even feel the tears spill from her unblinking eyes as she argued across the hall with a single look. Nadia deserved the credit because she had done the work, it was a lot to convey with her eyes and she had no idea how much time passed before she managed it. "Nadia?" He called again, prompting their return to reality. Erin nodded encouragingly, only now feeling the tears drip from her chin, and Nadia stepped forward at last.

"PRINCESS NADA!" Shay yelled as she waved frantically, only just recognising the person beneath the uniform. There was a chuckle, starting with her extended family before spreading through the crowd. Nadia risked waving at Shay as she moved back into her place, followed by applause from almost everyone in the hall, including her fellow graduates. Chase wished he could clap properly, holding back to avoid waking the baby he had just been handed.

"Told you" Erin sighed as she accepted the tissue from her husband, thankful for the arm around her shoulders pulling her to his side. Even after wiping away the evidence of her overflowing happiness she hid her face against his chest, self-conscious for crying in front of her family and former colleagues.

"They'll understand" Kelly assured knowingly, focusing on comforting his wife instead of listening to the closing address.

"I love you" She concluded when the ceremony came to an end, graduates tossing their hats into the air cheering and laughing as they hugged each other. They scrambled for a hat, not particularly fussed if their name was the one written inside, then rushed to celebrate with their friends and families. Nadia was incredibly grateful to see them waiting to congratulate her, she had found her true family and proven, to herself and anyone else who had ever doubted her, that she was worthy of association with such elite. They were all eager to congratulate her on her success but Erin took Ember and hung back. Urging Kelly to retrieve Shay before she strangled Nadia so that she could have a moment alone.

"Forgive me now?" Hank questioned in his low rasp, his unexpected presence just behind her made her jump.

"I don't know" Erin shrugged, sending a playful smile in his direction.

"Really?" He chuckled, reaching over to take Ember from her so she couldn't use the infant as a distraction.

"You're Hank Voight" She justified simply.

"You're my kid. I was proud of you" He challenged with raised eyebrows.

"I forgive you, I should never have teased you about it… I didn't realise how…" She fell short, not sure how best to describe the feeling.

"Proud? Relieved? Redundant?" He offered, listing the emotions he held responsible for making him shed a tear at her graduation all those years ago.

"Yeah" She agreed with a nod.

"You did good with the kid, kid. You're doing good with all the kids" He smiled, patting her on the back before bouncing Ember as she started to wake up.

"Thank you" Erin accepted after a moment, feeling the weight of his words acutely.

"Go give her a hug, I've got this one" Hank instructed, pulling a face and making Ember smile to evidence his ability to entertain her. Erin nodded, smoothing Ember's hair before leaving them to fight her way through the crowd to Nadia.

"How does it feel?" She enquired as she pulled Nadia into a hug.

"I don't know yet. Thank you" Nadia answered, unable to wipe the smile from her face.

"You did it!" She reminded and enthused, glad Shay had momentarily become the center of attention with an impromptu tap dance to show off her light up shoes.

"Yeah, I did it" Nadia realised with a small laugh.

"Exactly. So it's time to celebrate. Go have a drink for me" Erin encouraged, pushing Nadia towards Chase, who had been watching them the whole time. The couple walked off hand in hand, leaving Erin smiling but deep in thought for a moment.

"Mama!" Shay called as she wriggled from Kevin's hold, rushing at her mother. Erin caught the toddler, using her momentum to lift her up.

"Yeah? What's up beautiful?" Erin asked her excited daughter as she tucked stray strands of hair behind her ear, wondering if she should have used hairspray on the two year old.

"Did ya see me dancin'?" Shay questioned as she caught her breath. After she'd finished tap dancing she had coerced her uncles into helping her jump the highest, convinced that the higher she jumped the brighter her shoes would flash. Even with them doing most of the work to hoist her into the air it was still exhausting.

"Mhmm, you're a wonderful dancer but don't waste all your energy here. We still have the party later" She reminded, starting to think she should have put Shay down for her nap earlier so she would make it through until dinner. Hopefully Shay's aunts and uncles would realise it was a public event and focus on mingling instead of playing games and exhausting the toddler.

"Umkay Mama" Shay agreed, little fingers reaching up to play with her mother's dangling sparkly earring. Mesmerised for long enough that Erin had time to scan the groups of two or three people, deep in conversation, that packed the hall. Looking for her husband, it took longer than she would have liked to spot him, unaccustomed to seeing him dressed semi-formally. He seemed happy chatting with Alvin so Erin turned away, intending to find Hank and Ember. "Look it Pa Russy!" Shay announced, pointing to a group of people, half of which Erin immediately recognised as academy instructors. Russ spotted her and waved her over, keen to escape the conversation with his colleagues.

"You can go say hello" Erin told Shay as she put the toddler down, not wanting to face so many former teachers at once.

"I show him my dancin'" Shay informed her mother before running off at full speed.

"Slow down Shay!" Erin called after the toddler but she either didn't hear or pretended not to, continuing at the same pace.

"Hey" Kelly greeted, having noticed her looking in his direction he had ended the conversation and made his way towards her. "Where's Em?" He asked when she smiled to greet him.

"With Hank" She explained, pointing across at Hank, seated where they had been for the ceremony, jiggling his keys for Ember.

"You've got that look" He sighed, caressing her cheek for the briefest moment.

"What look?" She questioned, instantly forming a frown.

"The look you get when you don't have anything to do, when the girls are happy or asleep and you lose your purpose for a moment" He answered gently, running his hand down her arm before taking her hand.

"Yeah, maybe it's more than a moment" She shrugged, looking out across the space. Nadia was laughing with Katie and Kim over near the caterer's tables.

"She's still going to need you. She'll still come over for dinner on Sunday's, might even be over more now that she's not studying" Kelly assured after struggling for a moment to work out what she meant.

"This is it though. I know it's not serious but when we joke about Shay's future… No matter what she chooses, this, the fire academy, even just school. It's all going to end in a graduation a lot like this one" She attempted to defend.

"She's two" He reminded seriously, imploring that she not get caught up in something that was sixteen years away.

"I just don't want her to grow up anymore" She complained, rotating into the circle of his arms she looked past him at Ember. Shay had been that small once.

"Enjoy this moment babe, don't stress about the future" He suggested. Erin nodded, smiled and then used the height advantage of her heels to lean in and kiss him. It wasn't exactly what he had meant but he certainly wasn't going to complain deepening the kiss as far as he dared in public.

"Love you. I'm gonna go get a drink, you want one?" Erin asked when they pulled apart, taking another step back to counter the temptation to forget everyone.

"Nah, I'll just go see what Shay's up to" He shook his head, looking around to see his toddler being held by the Chief of Police, jabbing at the colourful stripes decorating his chest .

"Good idea" She nodded, waiting and watching to see how he would handle the situation. It turned out that Russ was proudly showing off his granddaughter, Shay delighting the older men with her bizarre but difficult questions.

**To be continued…**

**I hadn't seen my mum and sister in three months so catching up with them was a priority yesterday. Also I'm not really happy with my writing at the moment. I feel like I'm super repetitive in my word choices and my scenes aren't half as good on paper as they are in my head. I didn't plan for the graduation to span three chapters but I don't have the time to write more at the moment. I'm really trying to update daily… Sorry. **


	142. Chapter 142

**Answers to recent questions – **

**Sandygirl: Nadia is not on my hit list. I will continue to diverge from the show in that regard.**

**NacyBadVamp: Erin will be going back to work as planned when Emmy is six months old (she's two months old at the moment). **

"Erin Lindsay?" The deep, even voice questioned as Erin slid her empty glass back onto the table.

"Mike Riley" She replied, turning to look at the familiar face, aged slightly but easily recognisable and just as attractive. He moved swiftly and before she knew it he held her in a hug, his hands resting lightly in the middle of her back while hers were tucked between them at his chest. Erin knew he was just being friendly but couldn't help but feel slightly uncomfortable in another man's arms.

"You look… incredible" He said as he released her, the pause perfectly weighted for ultimate flattery, a true master of charm. Eyes scanning her body as he gave his signature smile. Maybe the hug was more than friendly and her discomfort warranted after all.

"Thank you" Erin accepted, holding eye contact and exercising self-control to stop colour rising in her cheeks, determined to show that his words had no effect on her. Even so it was enough to derail her train of thought, providing ample opportunity for her mind to wander back and reflect on their shared history. That damned smile. "I should have known you'd be here somewhere. Did you ever leave?" She questioned somewhat harshly.

"I did six months in homicide over on the south side" Mike answered flatly, eyes clouding over as he recalled the ever growing pile of cases on his desk, so many faces. It was clear he was deeply affected and Erin felt bad for asking.

"That must've been rough" She nodded sympathetically.

"It was, makes me glad to be back here. I'm range master now" He smiled, supressing memories in order to boast of his new position, reverting back to charm.

"You'd be good at that" Erin suggested, remembering the way his offhanded advice at the range had influenced her accuracy when she had just been starting out.

"I hope so, for this lot" He laughed, gesturing broadly to the hall full of graduates and their families. "Oh! I should have realised. You taught Nadia to shoot. I thought her technique was familiar, that and the mysterious past. When the best recruit has a sealed record you don't go digging. You taught me that. So how long ago did you give her your card?" Mike questioned with a triumphant smile, a mystery finally solved.

"A few years" She admitted, not comfortable with his familiarity with her past. He had been the first person outside of the Voight family she had ever opened up to, not much, but he still knew more about her past than a lot of her friends.

"I can't believe I didn't make the connection sooner, she's so much like you" He continued, shaking his head as he laughed at his own foolishness.

"You never could tie the clues together in the cases we studied..." Erin recalled, swallowing the rest of the statement when she realised it might come across as rude.

"That's why we made such a good team, your brains, my marksmanship" Mike shrugged, pleased to highlight the way they complemented each other. He was quite sure they still would. "What have…" He started to ask, cut off by her raised hand signalling quiet. The level of chatter in the room remained the same, the only auditory difference he could distinguish was a toddler screaming for her mother.

"Sorry, that one's mine" Erin smiled, turning towards the noise, spotting Shay just as the toddler came running towards her.

"MAMA!" Shay wailed loudly, tugging at her mother's dress until she was lifted up, eyes watering and nose running.

"What's wrong Shay?" She asked, focused on her toddler but not unaware of the poorly masked look of surprise on Mike's face.

"My foot… is broken" Shay answered with a sniffle.

"What happened?" She rephrased, there didn't appear to be anything physically wrong with her either of Shay's feet.

"Nada tolded me but I no listened and… It brokened Mama, it died… Them bratteries… No more flashes… Ever" Shay explained sadly, shifting awkwardly in her mother's hold to grasp the shoe she spoke of. No matter how much she danced or how high she jumped there was nothing she could do about it running out of battery.

"Your shoe stopped flashing?" She clarified, gripping Shay carefully as the toddler tugged her shoe off to show her mother more closely.

"Yesssss" Shay whined, hitting the sole of the shoe to demonstrate that it no longer produced bright green and red light. Then she dropped it and growled like a dinosaur before burying her face against her mother's chest, small hands pulling at the edge of the dress to expose more soft warm skin. Erin lifted Shay a little higher, hating the black dress which, unlike the grey one that had been purchased following Shay's birth, didn't accommodate her larger breasts well, fighting to stop her bra showing.

"I was going to ask what you'd been up to, guess I don't need to. She's cute" Mike commented as he bent to pick up Shay's shoe, keeping hold of it because it was clear Erin had her hands full.

"Thanks, Shay do you want to say hello?" She asked hoping to discourage Shay from pressing her face any further into the front of the dress.

"'lo" Shay supplied, voice heavily muffled.

"Hello, it's nice to meet you" Mike greeted, smiling at Erin who gave a frustrated sigh as Shay sat up sharply, disregarding the fact she was being held as she turned to look at the stranger.

"Who that Mama?" Shay demanded, pointing her finger at Mike as she gave her mother a confused look.

"This is Mike, a friend from when I used to come here" Erin explained.

"See Pa Russ?" Shay questioned, he had always been their reason for visiting the academy as far as she could remember.

"When Russ was teaching me, he taught Mike too, we were in the same class" She elaborated for the curious toddler.

"I baby?" Shay asked, struggling to understand that there had been a time before the extent of her memory in which hadn't been present.

"Before you were a baby, a long time ago" She answered, wondering how best to include Mike in the conversation. He seemed content, smiling as he watched the little girl question her mother.

"Umkay…" Shay accepted for the time being. "Hello Mike. My foot is broken 'cause I danced too lots" She explained for the strange man, eyes following her mother's before spotting her shoe in his hands.

"I'm sorry that your shoe stopped working, I had ones like these when I was kid, mine didn't have horns though" Mike shared as he extended the shoe to the little girl, her frown suggesting she didn't like him holding it. Shay took the shoe for a second then thrust it back into his hands, pointing at her foot.

"They 'ceratopses like Cera" Shay explained as Mike did his best to put the shoe on gently. "Cera my favouritest dinosaur 'cause she bossy like me, right Mama?" She sought confirmation.

"Yeah Shay, you can be bossy" Erin laughed, the fact she had a relative stranger putting on her shoe a prime example. "Thanks" She added when Mike stepped back, having successfully fitted the broken shoe.

"How old is she?" He enquired, not sure if he should distract the toddler who seemed happy playing with her mother's earrings.

"Two" Erin answered simply, thankful that Mike was making an effort to hide his astonishment at the fact she had a child.

"And you're married?" He continued, nodding at the rings on her finger.

"Yeah" She smiled, wondering what her husband was doing given he they had only separated so he could retrieve the toddler she now held.

"Still working intelligence?" Mike asked a moment later. Erin realised she wasn't exactly making it easy to converse, supplying single word answers and took a second to compose her next answer more carefully.

"No, I'm at home. Ember, our second daughter, is only two months old…" She started, about to ask if he had a family, no ring was no real indication, when Shay interrupted.

"Emmy my baby sister" Shay announced proudly.

"Really? Are you a good big sister?" Mike questioned overenthusiastically, so much so that it was clear he wasn't used to small children. Answering her question before she had had the chance to ask it.

"Mum?" Chase blurted as he approached cautiously from behind, he usually used her name but the word had slipped from his mouth before he could think. Either because he was unsure how best to tell her or because he felt an instant dislike for the man she was speaking with.

"The bestest sister, Chasey saided so" Shay supplied, peeking over her mother's shoulder to point at her brother before turning back to Mike.

"We've been looking for her" Chase sighed, relieved to see Shay safely in her mother's arms having run off the moment her shoe had stopped working, easily lost in the crowd.

"She's fine, I've got her" Erin assured, wanting to avoid introducing Mike and Chase.

"I Chasey" Shay whined, extending her hands, opening and closing them to indicate her desire to be transferred to her brother.

"You want to come with me?" Chase asked, looking at Erin as he spoke.

"Yes, my biggest bestest brother!" Shay agreed, leaning so far towards Chase that he couldn't not reach for her, worried that she would topple to the ground if he didn't. Erin looked displeased, taking the opportunity to straighten her dress before giving Chase a nod.

"Reservation's for six" Chase reminded before swinging Shay up over his shoulder as he walked away.

"He's not?" Mike enquired cautiously, the man certainly didn't look young enough to be calling Erin mum.

"No" She shook her head emphatically.

"Another card recipient?" He questioned thoughtfully.

"Yeah he is" She answered defensively, finding him incredibly hard to read.

"We could have made a real difference" He reflected, his shrug contradicting the seriousness his eyes conveyed.

"I don't know about you but I am making a difference" Erin snapped.

"No of course, I'm sorry" He apologised immediately, reaching across to touch her arm, fingers barely making contact with her bare skin before she stepped back out of his reach.

"That was a long time ago Mike. You're the one who ended things so just… don't" She requested, losing forcefulness with each word until her voice was small and pleading.

"You're right and I'm really sorry. If I'd known…" Mike attempted to remedy.

"Babe, who's this?" Kelly demanded, the veil of friendliness particularly thin as he slid his arm around her waist, eyeing the other man critically.

"Kelly, this is Mike. We were at the academy together" Erin explained, suspecting Chase had pointed Kelly in her direction.

"Nice to meet you" Kelly nodded, extending his hand for a firm, warning handshake. "I was wondering where you got to" He added to his wife, taking her by surprise when he leaned down to press a kiss to her lips, tightening his arm around her.

"Mhmm" Erin smiled, eyes anything but amused as she glared at her husband and his ridiculous insecurity.

"We should get going" Kelly suggested, the conversation had stalled due to his presence, something he was glad for but also frustrated by.

"Yeah, just give me a minute?" She requested, the distinct lack of questioning in her voice suggested there was only one answer.

"Okay, I'll get the girls into the car" Kelly agreed reluctantly, kissing her hair before letting his arm fall to his side.

"I'll meet you there" She nodded, giving him a subtle shove in the right direction.

"How long have you been married?" Mike queried, her husband gave the impression that it hadn't been long.

"Almost a year. I'm happy Mike. I have everything I could possibly want; a family and a great job waiting for me. I've helped people, not a lot but that's not what it's about and you know that. At least the Mike I used to know did, I hope that Mike is happy, I really do" Erin summarised frankly.

"I'll be happy if you take this. You know what it is" Mike smiled as he handed her a crisp white business card, his contact information in neat black print across the front while the academy emblem covered the back. "Call me anytime, for anything… superstar" He winked.

"Goodbye" She managed, the use of the nickname he had given her only increasing the pace of her already speedy retreat. Marching as quickly as her heels would allow she passed the seats the intelligence unit had occupied before continuing on to the car park, satisfied everyone would be there. The sight of Nadia in her immaculate uniform reminded her why they were there and Mike was forgotten as they made their way to the restaurant.

"What's going on?" Nadia questioned as Erin arrived, everyone had disappeared the moment six o'clock arrived. Chase had refused to answer her questions before getting in the car with Hank. Katie had driven off in their car without a word leaving her feeling forgotten, waiting at the front of the remaining car despite Kelly having gestured for her to get in more than once.

"We're taking you to dinner to celebrate" Erin answered, wrapping her arms around Nadia for an impulsive hug.

"Oh, okay" Nadia accepted, following Erin to the car.

"Don't mind the music" Erin warned before they pulled open the doors, entering the vehicle synchronously as a song from the Lion King soundtrack filled their ears. Shay was excited by the prospect of the party, doing her best singing and car seat dancing to entertain Nadia until they arrived at the restaurant.

"Aw, thanks Er, you didn't have to" Nadia beamed as she helped Shay out of the car, eager to get inside and sit down to a huge serve of lasagne. So eager that she didn't recognise the cars in the car park and therefore didn't expect the massive cheer when she stepped inside. Four tables had been pushed together at the far side so there was room for everyone, a couple and a family the only other people in the small family owned and operated establishment. Everyone that had attended her graduation along with a few extras from the district, Platt with Mouch, Roman, Garcia and some other patrolmen she knew well, and the families of those already in attendance. Laura joined Antonio with their two kids, Hayden's wife Sam was present and Meredith made a rare public appearance to sit with Alvin and Lexi.

"Lasagne is on its way" Chase smiled as Nadia was guided into the seat at the head of the table.

"Awesome, thanks guys" Nadia nodded, feeling rather overwhelmed.

"Enjoy" Erin encouraged as she left Nadia to join Kelly and the girls at the far end of the table. She hadn't held Ember in what felt like forever and was happy just to cuddle the baby and make small talk with those seated nearby as they waited to eat. The most amazing cheesy garlic bread followed by the best lasagne in the city of Chicago, wine and juice flowing freely as the two waiters joined the celebration. Shay had never been allowed to feed herself lasagne before and revelled in the messy task, her dress gaining red smears and spots as she played and ate. They finished eating in waves, those who had seconds finishing before the slowest eaters, Erin second last having stopped to feed Ember. Finding yet another reason to hate the black dress when she was forced to ask Kelly to partially unzip her, covered with a blanket she had to free an arm to gain access. Once everyone had finished eating the chair swapping began, almost rotating through so that everyone got the chance to speak with Nadia for a few minutes. Shay initiated gift giving, presenting Nadia with her drawing before promptly falling asleep on Grandpa Hank. The presents ranged from practical and thoughtful like the Saint Michael's medal from Antonio to humorous and downright bizarre like the half used memo pad from Ruzek. Chase had chosen a beautiful silver necklace with a sapphire pendant which Nadia absolutely loved, glad to have ditched her tie to Shay so she could wear it proudly. Erin waited until most people were occupied in their own small group conversations before placing her gifts before Nadia. "I hope you like these."

"Thank you, for your help, for tonight, for presents. I love you Er" Nadia smiled, hugging her friend.

"Love you too" Erin smiled, pointing to draw Nadia's attention back to the presents.

"Awesome" Nadia nodded when she pulled the paper away to reveal a stainless steel travel mug with her name in blue on the front.

"Coffee will become your best friend, and if your name isn't on something it'll be stolen before you can use it" Erin advised, hoping Nadia would see the value in the personalised gift. She certainly did, thanking and hugging Erin again before opening the next present, a small rectangular prism.

"Oh, Er!" Nadia smiled as she opened the plain cardboard box to reveal a stack of freshly printed business cards. To an outsider it would seem like a strange thing to give as a graduation present but Nadia understood what they meant. This time the hug was a chance for both women to hide their tears.

"I thought a hundred would get you started…" Erin joked as she sat back and wiped her eyes. Looking across at Hank as Nadia laughed, his nod of approval worth as much as Nadia's constant thanking from that point on. The chocolate mud cake for dessert helped counter the effects of the alcohol, neither consumed by Erin. She took the chance to use the bathroom, smiling through the mirror at Platt as they washed their hands at the same time.

"How have you been Erin?" The older woman enquired.

"Good, you?" Erin replied quickly, not sure how long their conversation would span she focused on washing her hands thoroughly.

"Great, until today when my boyfriend's car broke down and we missed the graduation" Trudy grumbled, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"You made it here. That matters to Nadia" Erin assured with a smile.

"I suppose, would have liked to have been there though…" Trudy shrugged uncharacteristically.

"You'll look out for her won't you?" Erin questioned after a moment, not sure if she should ask for such a favour.

"Of course, hate to break it to you but she's my favourite now" Trudy laughed.

"Oh?"

"You used to be but she's better than you were, nicer too" Trudy justified when she finished reapplying her lipstick.

"Why though? Why was I ever your favourite?" Erin pondered, she knew that the desk sergeant liked her but she had a strange way of showing favouritism.

"You reminded me of myself" Trudy admitted seriously with little pause for thought.

"Okay, well thanks… I think" Erin frowned at herself before leaving the older woman alone in the room. It was getting quite late and Erin was already considering leaving for home to put both sleeping girls in their beds. Nadia was sitting comfortably on Chase's lap and Kelly had resumed his conversation with Alvin so she found a seat, which led to a conversation. Before she really knew it there were only a few people left, taxis and designated driver agreements getting everyone on their way home safely. Katie had been conscious of her full day at work the next day, leaving early to get some sleep after asking Erin to drop Nadia home. They were asked twice by the staff before they finally cleared up and left piling into the car. Erin completely forgot about taking Nadia home but it didn't seem to be a problem, Chicago's best new police officer following her boyfriend to his bedroom when they arrived.


	143. Chapter 143

**I figured it out: My work feels repetitive to me because I spend hours planning, choosing words, writing, reading and editing it. On average I read each chapter eight times before it's published… just some random trivia. Enjoy :D**

"Morning" Kelly smiled, reaching across to brush the hair back from his wife's face. He had no idea how long he'd been watching her sleep, having woken up to the sound of Ember crying. The fact that his wife didn't wake up was testament to her exhaustion, continuing to sleep as he got up and changed Ember's diaper, bringing her back to their bed to play with then snuggle as she drifted into a peaceful slumber. Turning his attention to his wife, she had stepped out of her dress and heels before stumbling into bed, makeup now sleep-smudged, hair wild, still beautiful.

"Yeah" Erin croaked, blinking to focus her eyes as she rolled onto her side to face him, noticing Ember just as a yawn momentarily distracted her. "Sorry. Good morning babe, how did you sleep?" She started again.

"Not as well as you did" He chuckled softly, running a finger along the red line left on her cheek by a crease in the pillowcase.

"Did Em wake you? I didn't hear her" She questioned, raising herself up onto her elbow so she could see past his arm to check on the sleeping baby, sucking slowly on her bottom lip.

"She wasn't very loud, it was just her diaper" He answered with a shrug.

"Oh, okay. I was up with her at five so she shouldn't have been hungry" She continued, frustrated that she hadn't heard the cry and concerned for the infant.

"She's fine. It was nice to spend some quiet time with her and let you sleep" Kelly explained, using his free hand to give her a gentle push, forcing her to lie down again.

"Well thank you, I was really tired" She smiled, tucking her hands in under her head comfortably as she complied with his nonverbal request to relax.

"We all were, or the house wouldn't still be quiet at nine in the morning" He pointed out, pausing to let the novelty of Sunday morning silence sink in.

"Mmm" Erin agreed, filling her lungs completely before closing her eyes and smiling broadly, letting all her worries disappear as she exhaled slowly. Embracing the moment. Opening her eyes to take in the incredible man lying beside her, strong but soft, tough and kind, perfect quantities of all the right qualities.

"I love you" He whispered, apparently reading her mind.

"I love you too" She answered automatically, seeing in his eyes that there was more to the declaration. "But why?"

"Why do I love you?" He attempted to clarify.

"No, why are you telling me now? Is everything okay?" She pressed, sensing that something was troubling him.

"I've just been thinking" He dismissed, not sure he wanted to delve into the issue so soon, or at all for that matter. She would surely take any inquiry the wrong way, gaining her trust hadn't been easy and he wasn't willing to risk losing it now.

"And?" She demanded, unwilling to leave it there.

"And I love you" He reiterated.

"You know you can talk to me, about anything" She reminded encouragingly, never liking not being able to tell what was on his mind.

"Yeah I know, same goes for you…" He trailed off, eyes darting away in a way that piqued her curiosity.

"Oh" She realised. "What do you want to know?"

"What's the deal with Mike?" He supplied hesitantly.

"Kelly, there was no need for you to be jealous like that" She shook her head, still not forgiving him for his embarrassing behaviour.

"I wasn't jealous! I just didn't like him" Kelly defended.

"Well he's a great guy, you didn't give him a chance, other than his name you know nothing about him" She argued straight away.

"So I have no reason to be jealous but the first thing you do is defend him?" He asked, the question pouring from his mouth the moment it was formed. No consideration for the implication it would have on her and the rest of their conversation.

"Now you're just being ridiculous, he's just a friend Kelly, I'm allowed to have male friends. I have plenty: Jay, Antonio, Alvin, Adam, Kevin, Chase… Get over it" Erin requested with a sigh, trying to release some of the tension that had built up, not only between them but internally as well.

"Erin, you're right, I don't know the guy but he made it fairly obvious he wants to be more than friends" Kelly tried to reason, understanding her frustration and wishing he could phrase what he was trying to say in a more eloquent manner.

"And I told him that's not going to happen. I'm married to you" She justified seriously, finding it difficult to keep her volume down. They stared at each other for a moment, Erin tense and clearly enraged while Kelly opted for a neutral expression and thoughtful approach.

"But if you weren't?" He posed, again he regretted speaking, his brain didn't seem to be cooperating and he wondered why. Other than some minor uncertainty about the nature of her relationship with her partner in the beginning he had never had any issue with her male friends.

"Really?" She questioned, voice dangerously calm, it was impossible not to see the hurt in her eyes.

"I didn't mean that" He tried undo the damage his words had caused but it was too late.

"Mike and I dated briefly when we were in the academy. It didn't work out, he broke up with me, we both moved on. I have two beautiful children and I love my husband very much… when he's not being a jealous idiot" Erin finished, giving him a thoroughly disappointed look.

"Why did he break up with you?" Kelly couldn't help but enquire, latching on to the revelation that unknowingly fuelled all the insecurity he suddenly felt.

"Kelly, please" She pleaded, thinking she had given enough.

"No, he broke up with you Erin" He explained emphatically.

"So?" She demanded, furrowing her brow in confusion.

"So he broke up with you…" He led, far more in what he didn't say than what he did.

"You think I still have feelings for him?" She said the instant she realised what he was implying. "I don't. I haven't seen him since I left the academy! We bumped into each other last night. It was a coincidence. I didn't go looking for him. Our relationship ran its course. We were young, it was never going to last. He was a really good friend for a long time and we ruined that by ever becoming more. I don't regret it. I wouldn't be the person I am without him. He pushed me to look past it all, to see the bigger picture. We were going to change the world together, he was so busy planning our future he didn't study. He was relying on my notes to pass our final exams and I refused to give them to him. Mike called me selfish and ended things, we didn't speak again until yesterday. Maybe I do have feelings for him… I feel sorry for him, he never got his dream job, he never pushed himself and he's alone" She concluded, furiously wiping away the tears that betrayed her angry façade. "Happy now?" She snapped when he didn't say anything.

"Did you love him?" Erin didn't think it could possibly get worse, but then his second four word question was uttered, unlike the last time there was no regret or hesitance in his eyes. He meant it.

"I told him I did, but I didn't" She answered unemotively. "Kelly I didn't know what love was until I found you."

"Really?" He questioned, he remembered that she had said it before and hated himself as much as he was sure she now did. She was right, he was a jealous idiot and Mike had brought out the worst in him. Only because of his self-doubt though, he had never doubted her loyalty, not really. Seeing her, in grey and then black – she looked incredible in anything, at the graduation, showcasing the massive difference she was making in people's lives, and the way she was with their girls, tucking them in with care and grace even when she was exhausted, constantly tending their needs. How could he ever be worthy of that?

"Yeah, I loved Mike as much as I love cheese… or chocolate or sunny days in August… I can live without those things. I can't live without you!" She declared. "Mike was right, I am selfish… I want to die first so I never have to live without you" She accepted before beginning to laugh, on the verge of hysteria as the raw emotion peaked within her.

"Er" He exhaled, not sure how to respond to that.

"Kelly I love you." She was done. No more reasoning with him or explaining herself. His eyes held hers as he shifted carefully over Ember, leaving her behind as he lay over his wife. Trapping her beneath him as their bodies pressed together. Leaning on one elbow he caressed her face, still staring into her soul as their mouths collided. The smooth movements of his tongue sending her eyelids fluttering closed as he wanted more. He sat back, pulling her up with him, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed as he guided her onto his lap. Erin held his face with both hands as she kissed him, still slightly confused by their early morning conversation turned argument but very much enjoying the moment. It was more than a moment though, hands searching for the places that yielded the most pleasure for the other person. Tearing away the lace then lifting her to draw his tongue across her breast before he divested them both of their underwear. Filling her completely as he lowered her slowly, she raised herself on her knees to provide the first strokes of glorious friction. They were both so absorbed in each other that it wasn't until he stood, turned and lowered her to the bed that she remembered Ember, tiny feet filling her vision for a moment as he altered the angle of his thrusts. Looking back up at him there was little she could do, promptly losing herself.

"I'm so sorry" He apologised as he surfaced sometime later, reality seeping back in as he moved from above her.

"Don't doubt me" She implored.

"I…" He shook his head, mouth returning to her body as he sought forgiveness and fought for words.

"Or yourself" She added, fingers tangling in his hair to pull his face upwards, claiming his lips slowly and lovingly. They stayed that way for a long time, lying across the bed with Ember above and beside them, continuing to sleep as they exchanged tender kisses. Restating their devotion. "They have to be awake by now" Erin concluded when her eyes drifted to the clock on bedside table when they came up for air.

"I'm awake now" Kelly assured, leaving a trail of soft kisses down her body as he stood up. Pulling on his boxers before handing her the shirt he had discarded before bed, leaving it hanging over the corner of the headboard so it wasn't a crumpled mess. Then he slid the lace panties back up her legs and helped her up. Proximity called for further kisses, clinging to each other until Ember finally voiced dissatisfaction.

"Oh baby" Erin cooed as she retrieved the infant, if she wasn't so hungry she would have stopped to feed her but instead they left the bedroom. Kelly and Erin shared an alarmed look when they found Shay's bed empty, she wasn't in the bathroom and there was no noise rising from downstairs so they crept to the end of the hall to investigate. They knocked softly then opened the door a crack, laughing quietly when they located their daughter. Shay occupied the majority of Chase's bed, spread across the middle while Chase and Nadia both slept precariously close to the edges. After watching them for a few moments Ember started to fuss again, forcing Erin down to the kitchen, unbuttoning the shirt she wore as she waited for her toast. Kelly had been sent to the bedroom for a phone to get a photo of the three little monkeys in bed together, joining her at the dining room table to present proof of his success. Erin continued to eat for as long as Ember drank, doing her best not to drop toast crumbs on the baby as she ate her own then her husband's breakfast. Kelly was happy to facilitate her desire for more food until she then voiced her plans to go for a run. She negotiated victoriously and they headed upstairs to get dressed, leaving a note for Chase as they prepared to leave. Ember was thrilled to be strapped into the pram, staring up at her mother as her parents jogged the suburban streets surrounding their home. Taking the rare opportunity to fill their lungs with fresh air and clear their minds completely.

**I'm not sure how good that was but you guys really deserved some Linseride love… I just couldn't help myself from shoving some conflict in first. This is not the last we will hear of Mike but the next few updates are leading up to the much anticipated anniversary (I really hope that the stuff I have planned lives up to your expectations) and after that Erin's return to work will be the priority. Thank you and good night :D**


	144. Chapter 144

"I told you I'd beat you home" Erin grinned triumphantly, handing Kelly a glass of water as he stepped through the door, Ember in one arm and the folded pram in the other. He had taken so long to catch up that she'd had time to make it to the kitchen and back, now regretting rushing as she tried not to appear out of breath.

"Yeah well you could have stopped and waited when she started crying" He complained as he tucked the pram away next to the shoe rack and accepted the glass, drinking so rapidly that water dribbled down his chin. She grabbed his shirt and pulled it up to wipe his chin, twisting it awkwardly to avoid wiping the sweaty patch across his face. Preventing water dripping down onto Ember, who she then took into her arms anyway.

"You wanted to swap" She defended with a shrug as she stepped back, popping the snaps of the infant's onesie to check her diaper.

"They're awake?" He questioned, gesturing to the back of the house where a cheer and laughter could be heard.

"Making a mess in the kitchen" She nodded, having found Chase, Nadia and Shay making pancakes on her brief stop in the kitchen. Ember's diaper was dry so she straightened her clothes and offered a finger to test if she was hungry.

"Wonderful" He groaned, though he was only ever asked to clean in the kitchen if he had made the mess himself or been caught encouraging Shay.

"I told them I was having a shower… we could have a shower. Since we're already hot and sweaty" Erin offered with a cheeky smile, rising onto her tiptoes to capture his lips in a feather light kiss. Tipping her head to the side and wriggling her eyebrows before turning her attention back to the gurgling baby.

"Sounds like a plan, but what about the little miss?" He enquired, suspecting his brilliant wife had already devised a solution to the obstacle.

"Emmy-bear can watch them cook since she's not sleepy" She supplied, watching as he drained the remainder of the water in the glass and handed it over.

"I'll get the shower started" He volunteered with a smile and a nod, turning on his heels to go running up the stairs. Erin stepped into the lounge room, planning on placing Ember's bouncy seat on the dining room table so that Chase could keep an eye on her.

"Mummy and Daddy are being naughty again sorry bubba" She explained to Ember, chuckling when the baby gave a gummy grin and giggled in response. They were still cooking in the kitchen so after placing the bouncy seat squarely on the table she took Ember to see what was taking them so long.

"Mama look! Snowflakes" Shay shrieked standing on the bench next to the stove, holding up a delicate lace-like pancake, made by carefully swirling the batter around the frying pan.

"Wow. Sit down for me Shay" Erin instructed, wondering what had inspired the highly creative breakfast endeavour. While she had been surprised by Chase's out of the box thinking in the past she suspected the idea could be traced back to one of the two females.

"Did you want some?" Nadia asked, offering up a plate of finished pancakes once she'd helped the toddler to sit down on the bench. Those at the bottom of the plate were plain, followed by some shaped like the first letters of each of their names and then the thin lacy ones.

"No thanks. I'm still on my way to the shower. Can you watch Em?" Erin asked, Chase turning around just in time for her to direct the question at him specifically.

"What's?… ah… sure" Chase agreed hesitantly, handing the spatula to Nadia before taking the baby. Bouncing Ember to smooth the transition as he swapped places with his girlfriend, making her responsible for pouring the batter. Shay was busy deciding on the best way to wear the pancake on her head, staring up at it and turning it until a pointed edge lined up at the front.

"Thanks, pop a movie on while you eat" She recommended, knowing Shay would latch onto the idea and insist they did so. It defeated the purpose of moving the bouncy seat so she took it back to the lounge room on her way upstairs, stopping to remove her shoes and socks first. Kelly's shoes, socks, pants and shirt littered the floor leading to the bedroom and then through to the bathroom. She collected them up, making a neat pile beside the bathroom door, stepping into the steamy room she flicked the switch for the extraction fan, her husband had forgotten it in his hurry. Though he had realised upon entering the shower that it didn't matter how fast he was, his wife was the crucial element. He watched her intently, wiping away the condensation to get a better view as she peeled off her exercise wear slowly and teasingly. Bending once nude to find a hair tie in the drawer then using both hands to twist her hair up into a messy bun on top of her head, making little effort but still conscious of putting on a show for him.

"You're so beautiful" Kelly beamed as he held open the door for her, encircling her in his arms from the moment she stepped in.

"I love you" She reminded, sliding her hands down his glistening chest as she maneuvered under the stream of water, which he had somehow managed to get at exactly the right temperature.

"I love you, no one else would forgive me so easily… I was a complete arse this morning" He replied, regret heavy in his voice and crystal clear in his eyes.

"You think I've forgiven you? Not quite, you'll need to work for that. And yeah, you were" She set him straight, his hands already making quite an apology, one thumb massaging the base of her skull while his other hand held her close from the waist.

"Any special requests?" He asked, tilting her head up so they could feel the air moving between them on their lips.

"Go slow" She presented uncertainly, the only thing she could think of in particular. Fast was her preference and it had been exactly what they both needed earlier, now while they worked on borrowed time she wanted to make the most of it and feel everything.

"Are you sure?" He questioned, unable to hide his surprise, those words sounded so different in her raspy, dripping with desire voice.

"My version of slow not yours…" She reasoned, running her tongue over her lips as she waited.

"Ah" He nodded. "Your wish is my command gorgeous."

"Kiss me" She just about begged, she could easily initiate one but wanted him to take control. She wanted him to have what he had always desired, to prove that she loved him and only him while absorbing every ounce of love he extended her way.

"My pleasure" Kelly agreed in a whisper as his mouth covered hers. Their bodies were made for each other and it was moments like these in which that became very clear. His kisses were powerful and highly addictive, so much so that she forgot there could be more. The sensation when his hand then cupped her breast enough to send a shiver down her spine, shuddering against him and emitting a deep moan. Her hands fell to her sides, remaining limp because she simply couldn't control them. Kelly delighted in the ability to overthrow her cognitive capacities, her forehead pressed to his shoulder as he nipped and sucked at her neck. Only when he grew concerned that they were running out of hot water did he move to quicken the pace, pressing her against the wall. Erin whimpered then regained enough function to angle his head for a kiss, holding his neck and shoulders as he found a slow, steady and satisfying rhythm within.

"Kel…" She couldn't form anything more but she didn't need to,

"I know baby" He sighed, mouth hungry against hers as he increased the speed. "You're mine" He declared as a single expletive left her mouth, followed by a cry of pure pleasure, the likes of which he'd never heard from her before. She almost missed his words and as she slowly started to process them she wished she had. Normally it would be enough to spark another conflict but she decided to erase the claim from her memory and forget the issues they raised for her. Holding each other until the water ran cold then stepped out of the shower and returned to normal, getting dressed without a word, brushing their teeth before joining their family in the lounge room. Shay held a hand over the mouths of her two older companions, it was unclear if they had been talking through the movie or doing something more. The toddler was allowed to commentate as the young dinosaurs banded together for the eighth time in three days, but everyone else had to remain silent. Shay was somewhat lenient towards her younger sister, allowing her to cry for a moment before glaring at their mother and pointing severely. Erin fed the baby as the movie reached its conclusion, her husband's arm around her shoulders to keep her flush against his chest. Paying more attention to playing with his happy and alert daughter than to the movie.

"You probably have to get home" Erin nodded understandingly to Nadia when the credits started to roll.

"I should but I promised Shay we'd play outside for a bit… if that's okay" Nadia explained, removing Shay's hand from her mouth and holding it instead.

"You don't have to" Erin assured, knowing it wouldn't hurt the toddler to not get her way for once.

"She just wants to show off her sandpit" Nadia shrugged, certain it wouldn't take more than twenty minutes for the little girl to point out the key features of the construction.

"Sandy Nadie" Shay chimed in, flopping across Nadia's lap with a victorious smile.

"Grab something else to wear from my wardrobe" Erin instructed Nadia before turning to the troublesome toddler. "Shay, Nadia is only staying for a little bit so you can show her your sandpit. Go upstairs and get dressed properly, brush your teeth – top ones and bottom ones – and remember your hat." Nadia looked like she was about to argue that she didn't mind wearing her dress pants out in the yard when a look from Chase convinced her otherwise. Erin left Ember to sleep on her husband and followed the trio upstairs, helping Shay get ready and forcing Nadia into a bright, floral sundress she hadn't worn since she was a teen. She only kept it hanging up with the rest of her dresses because the print made her smile every time she saw it. "You can keep it, it looks good" Erin smiled when Nadia stepped out of the bathroom in the dress.

"No…" Nadia immediately started to argue.

"It doesn't fit me, no point keeping it if I can't wear it. And it looks good on you" Erin concluded, a look communicating that the discussion was closed. Nadia narrowed her eyes then gratefully accepted ownership of the lovely dress, she had no idea that Camille had bought the dress or that it had been worn on many occasions. Even, Erin hated to recall, her first date with Mike.

"Wow, you look great" Chase complimented when his girlfriend emerged dressed beautifully, making his daggy t-shirt and cargo shorts look even worse.

"Thanks" Nadia laughed, acknowledging her boyfriend then the previous owner of the dress.

"You pretty princess Nadie" Shay decided, raising her arms to be lifted up. Shay wore the perfect combination of the two young adult's outfits, torn and worn grey cargo pants and a relatively new floral t-shirt.

"Show me this sandpit princess Shay" Nadia requested as she took the toddlers hand instead, Chase quickly took the other and allowed Shay to drag them outside. Erin stripped their beds of sheets to wash then peeked out the kitchen window to watch Chase distract Shay as Nadia buried her toy dinosaurs for an archaeologists excavation game. Nadia ended up staying for a late lunch, trading Shay's delightful mud pies for sandwiches and fruit salad, then headed home to prepare for her first day. Shay napped then built a castle out of blocks before her grandpa's arrived for their tour of the sandpit. Happy to spend the late afternoon outside with her while Kelly joined Erin to observe Ember's tummy time, pleased with her increasing ability to support her own head. His wife and girls were happy but he couldn't help but feel like he'd narrowly avoided a serious conflict, deciding to be more careful about what he said from then on.


	145. Chapter 145

The alarm sounded, breaking through the early morning hush with a harsh repetitive beeping, the phone pulsing with vibrations as it trembled its way across the bedside table. It teetered on the edge for a second then crashed to the floor, a final beep preceded the sound of the device breaking apart. Erin, who had been trying to ignore the alarm, sat up and peered over the edge of bed frowning as she assessed the damage. Not only had the phone had broken into its three main components, the screen, battery and back panel, but the electronic noise had been replaced by the wails of an unhappy baby. The individual phone pieces appeared undamaged so after scooping them up and tossing them onto the bed she crossed to the crib. "I'm sorry baby" Erin apologised, sympathising with her daughter. Setting the alarm had seemed like a good idea the night before but she was now regretting the decision. Erin took the time to change, dress and feed Ember before getting dressed herself, glad she had anticipated the delay when setting the alarm. With a renewed sense of purpose and plenty of motivation she got on with executing her plan for the morning, only hesitating when it came to the last step. "Shay, time to wake up princess" She whispered softly, pressing a kiss to Shay's forehead.

"No" The toddler denied out rightly, surprising her mother by acknowledging the request at all.

"You can sleep in the car" She suggested gently, pulling back the blankets before lifting Shay onto her lap.

"No" Shay argued pathetically, trying to fight free of her mother's hold, too sleepy to do more than push away and grumble. It was a futile attempt and soon she relaxed, snuggling closer as she tried to get back to sleep.

"Shay" Erin tried, letting her daughter's head flop back against her arm to look at her sleepy face. The toddler opened her eyes to assess her mother's mood then burst into tears, sobbing loudly as fat tears ran down her face. "Shay?" She managed in a squeak, shocked by the sudden outburst. "What's wrong?"

"I baby" Shay explained, her crying ceasing as quickly as it had started.

"You're a baby?" Erin questioned, amazed by her daughter's impressive acting skills.

"Ga!" Shay nodded, wriggling her body and flailing her arms in an attempt to imitate her little sister.

"Well it's time for baby to get dressed" She sighed, struggling with the large limp 'baby' she was glad she had already laid out Shay's clothes for the day.

"Waaa!" Shay screeched, when her pyjama shirt was removed following considerable effort on her mother's part. Shay's squirming increased as Erin's patience started to wear thin, stuffing her arms into the sleeves then tugging and twisting to get the shirt over her head.

"Shay please" She requested when she couldn't even remove the toddler's pyjama pants without being kicked. Shay froze for a second then poked her tongue out before rolling over and crawling back up the bed. "Shay, you're not a baby. I need my big girl's help, we don't have time for playing right now" Erin tried to reason, holding up the pants then making them dance towards Shay, conscious that they were losing valuable time.

"No" Shay shook her head, scowling and pushing the pants aside.

"Alright, well you'll just have to wear your pyjama pants" Erin shrugged, stuffing the pair she held into the back of her pants as she carried Shay to the bathroom, holding the toddler on the toilet instead of bowing to her demands for a diaper. She wasn't used to lugging the toddler around and doing everything for her and hoped the game would end soon. It was almost impossible to carry Shay, Ember in her car seat, the diaper bag and the lunch bag of breakfast foods out to the car but she somehow managed.

"I hungry Mama!" Shay pleaded, stopping her babbling for a moment while her mother fastened the car seat restraints.

"You want some banana muffin?" Erin offered, reaching into the lunch bag one of the three muffins.

"No! I baby. I eat mushy baby foods" Shay scolded, wondering how her mother could possibly not know what babies ate.

"I have yoghurt" She suggested hesitantly, placing the lid back on the container of muffins before retrieving a tub of yoghurt and a spoon. She dug through the diaper bag for a bib and a burp cloth, spreading it over the toddler's lap before peeling off the lid and handing the toddler the spoon.

"Feed me Mama" Shay requested, refusing the spoon.

"No, I can't. I have to drive. You can feed yourself if you're hungry or you can wait" Erin presented her options seriously.

"You a bad Mama" Shay grumbled as she took the spoon.

"Love you too Shay" She smiled sarcastically, speaking more to herself as she slammed the door shut and climbed in to the driver's seat. Checking Ember in the mirror, smiling and drooling, having two of her would be easy but a toddler pretending to be a baby was far more difficult. Erin hadn't driven the route very many times and was cautious to pay attention, oblivious to the splattering sounds in the backseat until she parked on the street out the front of the apartment building and got out of the car. Seeing the purple smears on the window made her pause, taking a deep breath to combat the intense frustration she was feeling. She would love to be able to walk away and let someone else sort out the mess but that wasn't an option. Waiting until she was as calm as she was going to get she opened the door, taking the tub of yoghurt and spoon from Shay, scooping as much of the yoghurt back into the container before placing it in the foot well.

"Mamamamama" Shay started to chant, kicking her feet and hitting her hands on the arms of her seat to gain her mother's attention. Erin continued to ignore her, using baby wipe after baby wipe to clean away as much of the yoghurt as she could, deciding that Shay was never allowed to eat in the car again. Only once the mess was contained did she grab the two bags and Ember, leaving Shay until last. Kicking the car door shut with her foot since she held Shay on her hip, sympathising with pack horses as she made her way up the path. Thankfully a man on his way out of the building held the door open for her, she still faced four flights of stairs so her joy was short lived. Shay continued to whine and flail as her mother marched up the stairs, stopping on a landing to catch her breath and ask Shay nicely to stop spreading yoghurt over her shoulder. Then when they finally reached the apartment Erin had to knock with her foot. "No Mama! You gots to do the Frozen knock!" Shay demanded angrily.

"Shh, babies can't talk Shay" Erin rebutted with a shake of her head, kicking the door again, she was impatient only because she was quite certain her arms were about to drop off. It was another minute at least before the door swung open.

"Erin?" Katie questioned, stepping back in surprise before coming to her senses and reaching across to take Shay.

"Hi, thanks – watch out she's covered in yoghurt – I just wanted to see Nadia before her first day" Erin explained, wishing she had spent more time wiping the yoghurt of Shay so she was presentable.

"Oh, sure, come on in" Katie smiled as she stepped aside, closing the door after Erin before turning to her niece. "How are you princess?"

"BAAA!" Shay shrieked in response flopping forward uncontrollably to catch her aunt off guard, almost dropping the sudden deadweight.

"Shay's being a baby today…" Erin explained apologetically as she placed Ember, in her car seat, on the dining room table.

"Erin?" Nadia questioned, emerging from her bedroom when she heard the commotion of three extra people in the tiny apartment. Continuing to braid her hair as she stood in the middle of the lounge space, already in her uniform, neat if not for the untucked shirt.

"Good morning! Are you excited? I hope you haven't eaten, I brought breakfast" Erin answered enthusiastically unzipping the lunch bag to reveal the options she had prepared. There were banana and bran muffins, yoghurt, three different types of cereal in individual serving sized containers, three bacon and salad breakfast wraps and a bottle of fruit and vegetable juice. She was glad to have used so many plastic containers when she thought about the awkward angle everything had been in while she had carried it.

"Oh… Okay, thanks" Nadia nodded, feeling out of her depth and incredibly overwhelmed.

"Not excited?" She frowned.

"Nervous, seriously it wasn't like this before my final exams" Nadia answered softly, she had worked so hard and wanted it so much that she had expected her excitement to outweigh her anxiety. It didn't though, the massive responsibility hitting her just after two in the morning.

"Anything in particular that you're worried about?" Erin enquired, recalling the advice Hank had given her on her first day, she was sure she could do better than 'don't screw this up'.

"All of it" Nadia groaned, turning to check herself in the hall mirror once she had finished her hair.

"You weren't nervous before your exams because you studied bloody hard. You've done the book work, you've done the drills, this is exactly the same" She comforted, exuding calm.

"With a partner" Nadia added.

"If you get a shitty partner just talk to Platt, she'll sort it out. She likes you so you're already doing better than most" Erin reminded reassuringly.

"She won't like me if I'm late" Nadia realised, looking across at the clock, forgetting that it always ran fast so that they could never be late.

"Sit. Eat" Erin commanded, handing a muffin to Nadia once she had complied with the first instruction. She wasn't sure where Katie had taken Shay but there was no screaming or crying so she didn't really mind that the toddler was missing. It gave her the chance to give Ember some attention, kissing her forehead then dodging her slobbery hand as she spoke softly to her baby.

"God this is good" Nadia informed after a few moments of eating in silence, already halfway through the muffin.

"You'll feel better for it" Erin smiled, thoroughly enjoying the ability to mother the adult one last time before she spread her wings and launched what would no doubt be an amazing career.

"Mama?" Shay questioned when she entered the open plan living area, Katie following behind. The difference in appearance was immediately noticeable, Katie had washed away the yoghurt and braided Shay's crazy bedhead of hair.

"What Shay?" She replied, still frustrated that Shay had chosen this particular morning to be difficult, and by the looks of it she was only being difficult for her mother.

"I watch 'toons?" Shay asked with a smile.

"Babies don't watch cartoons" Erin reminded, watching Shay's reaction carefully, an immediate look of horror followed by a thoughtful frown.

"But Mama? I not baby, I big girl" The toddler argued hopefully.

"Promise to be a big girl for me? We have yoga in a little bit and I can't take two babies" She requested seriously, hoping her oldest really was done being a baby.

"Promise" Shay confirmed with a nod.

"Okay, if it's alright with Katie you can watch cartoons. But you need to eat more too. Do you want a muffin like Nadia?" Erin asked, watching as Katie helped the toddler up onto their couch, handing her the remote. Shay didn't move to use the television, twisting in her place to hold eye contact with her mother.

"Yes please" Shay answered.

"Beautiful manners Shay" Erin thanked as she handed Katie one of the muffins to convey to the toddler. Katie stopped for a plate first then decided to cut the muffin into small pieces before taking it to Shay and joining her on the couch to watch the beaver cartoon Shay loved.

"What if I shoot someone?" Nadia demanded, looking up with panic filled eyes two bites into a wrap.

"I doubt you'll even need to draw your gun. Platt'll assign you school crossing duty or something easy. If, and you won't, but if you do, remember to flick the safety before firing" Erin recommended particularly strongly.

"Pfft…" Nadia scoffed, certain muscle memory would take over in an emergency. The look Erin gave her suggested she shouldn't be so quick to dismiss the possibility. "Wait did you seriously forget?"

"I was nervous and everything happened so fast… It was really embarrassing" Erin warned, the sickening feeling she had gotten when nothing had happened upon pulling the trigger had returned. "And it could have ended badly" She added in a whisper, that she had drawn her gun indicated that it had been a hostile situation. That she had then pulled the trigger as well meant it had to have been really bad.

"Okay, anything else?" Nadia accepted, seeing the potential to avoid mistakes by learning from her mentor's.

"Write down the names and details of anyone you talk to, you'll think you can remember but you can't" Erin advised.

"Right" Nadia nodded, getting the feeling she should write that down as well, just in case she forgot.

"Breathe, stick with familiar food for lunch and trust yourself… Don't argue over who drives, just get where you need to go. Fill up the patrol before you hand the keys in, Platt will go out and check. Double check the frequency on your radio before saying anything" Erin listed, searching her brain for more hints and tips for the new police officer.

"What would I do without you?" Nadia questioned after taking a moment to process all that information.

"Drugs?" Erin suggested.

"Er!" Nadia gasped, stunned that the older woman had brought her past up so offhandedly.

"Go make a difference" Erin encouraged, hoping Nadia would understand why she had said what she did. "Call me if you need anything."

"Alright. Bye-bye Shay, see you later Em-bear. Katie" Nadia farewelled, hugging Erin before moving to the couch to give Shay and Katie a quick hug as well.

"Nada why're you goin'?" Shay asked, confused as to where Nadia was going since they had come to her home to see her.

"I have to go to work princess" Nadia explained quickly.

"Why?" Shay persisted.

"To make this city a better place for you."

"Umkay. Has goodly fun Nada!" Shay accepted, sending crumbs flying as she waved rapidly.

"You have a nice day too Shay" Nadia replied as she neared the door.

"You can do it!" Erin called after her, a wave of worry hitting her the moment the door closed behind Nadia. This was it, the real deal, from now on Nadia would be in the line of fire. It took her a moment to conquer her emotions, looking back at Katie and Shay as she reminded herself that Nadia would be fine. "Did you want something?" Erin asked Katie, plopping the half full lunch bag on the coffee table as she moved to sit down. She always felt strange when offering the trained chef samples of her average, rushed food.

"Thanks" Katie smiled as she took a muffin, one piece of Shay's had been enough to convince her that they were good.

"Thanks" Erin returned, gesturing to Shay. Katie laughed it off and sat back to enjoy her muffin while Erin leaned forward to remove Ember from her car seat at last. Feeding her for a few minutes then passing a happy and full baby across to her aunt after burping her thoroughly. It was bad enough that Katie had had to deal with a yoghurt covered toddler, she didn't need baby vomit as well. They had to cut the visit short when Erin noticed the time and calculated the distance to the church hall for yoga. Katie reiterating her willingness to babysit when seeing them out. Shay was thrilled to bounce down the stairs ahead of her mother, being sure not to venture beyond her sight while making the most of her independence.

"It yucky yoghurt" Shay complained when she reluctantly climbed into her car seat, understanding that she couldn't refuse because it was her fault there was a mess at all.

"I'll clean it when we get home" Erin answered, deciding to retract her no eating in the car rule since Shay was already remorseful. The toddler ate half a wrap before passing the rest forward, while stopped at traffic lights, for her mother to finish. Erin was glad to finally have something in her stomach, not sure she could make it through the session of yoga without eating. They arrived just in time to snap up the last car park in close proximity to the church. "Do you want to put your pants on now?"

"Yes please Mama" Shay nodded, accepting her mother's help because it was hard to balance on one leg in the backseat of the car.

"Shoes too" Erin requested, handing Shay some shoes from the back of the car when she dug out the yoga mat. Shay put the shoes on and took the mat excitedly. Holding the handle of the car seat her mother carried up the stairs into the hall. The toddler ran off to play with the other children before the class started, giving Erin the chance to catch up with Sharon and settle Ember to sleep. The baby slept through the rest of the class, giving Erin a chance to spend some one on one time with Shay, amazed by the two year olds ability to remember the next position. She was amazed by Shay in general, from the small, quiet baby she had first brought to yoga to the talkative, smart and cheeky toddler wiggling her bottom in the downward dog position in front of her. It wasn't until Shay dug through the diaper bag for a water bottle at the end of class that the three pieces of her mother's phone were brought to the surface. Erin pieced them together quickly, noting that the top right clip of the back panel had sheared off, leaving it slightly ajar. Her greatest concern was that she had missed a call for help from Nadia, fear only intensifying when the phone wouldn't turn on. Everything important, including her photos, was saved to the memory card so she wasn't worried about losing the phone itself. Sharon suggested a phone repair shop but Erin decided to kill two birds with one stone, stopping by the district to check in on Nadia and get Powell to fix the phone.

"Erin, I thought you'd be in today" Platt greeted when Erin made her way to the desk, Shay preoccupied holding her little sister's hand gently instead of the car seat handle like usual.

"Why?" Erin questioned, she couldn't remember the last time she had dropped by and there was certainly no schedule or routine in her visits.

"I knew you'd want to check on Nadia. She's fine, not long made her first arrest, processing the guy right now if you want a photo for your scrapbook" Platt answered, teasingly towards the end.

"Thanks, I just need to head upstairs for a minute" Erin requested, ignoring the suggestion that she scrapbooked, she might be a stay at home mother but she certainly didn't have time for arts and crafts.

"Alright, follow me" Platt nodded, surprising Erin by not complaining or being rude. "Nice to see you Shay" She added when she rounded the desk and laid eyes on the toddler, she had seen her briefly at the dinner for Nadia but hadn't been close enough to get a real idea of how much she had grown.

"Why?" Shay asked in response to the unfamiliar comment.

"Because you're the damned cutest thing I'll see all day… all week maybe" Platt answered with a smile, slowing her pace so the toddler could keep up with her.

"Who are you?" Shay put to her next, looking up at the sergeant with a quizzical expression.

"Sergeant Platt little lady and don't you forget it" Platt informed, being firm but not enough to scare Shay, who took her time to assess the response.

"Umkay" Shay accepted, only now returning the smile.

"See you later" Platt nodded as she held the gate open for Erin, well aware that she was more than capable of taking the rest of the stairs unaccompanied.

"Thanks Sarge" Erin smiled.

"It's Trudy, Erin" Platt reminded with a serious look.

"Yes ma'am" She accepted, refusing to call the desk sergeant by her first name. It would make life too difficult when in a few months' time she returned to work.

"Ma'am" Shay repeated, the word composed of the same elements as her mother's title but arranged differently to refer to the strange, slightly scary, desk sergeant. Platt shook her head and released the gate, trapping herself on the far side of the metal grid. Shay jumped at the loud clang the barrier made but caught herself and ran up the stairs seconds later. "HELLO!" She announced, coming to a halt at the top of the stairs, smiling at her uncles.

"Hey" Erin added when she arrived next. Once they knew the toddler wasn't alone they were quick to supply greetings in response, welcoming them upstairs with great enthusiasm. Voight emerged from his office and joined in the opportunity to socialise for a little while before demanding they all get back to work, taking Shay with him to his office to play as they worked the case. Erin took the time to make a few suggestions before heading downstairs to talk to Hayden. He assured her he could get her phone back to normal, except a case would be required to hold it together, which he was happy to organise as well and sent her away so her could work in peace. She played with Ember, worked the case and observed Hank and Shay until Hayden delivered her working phone in a sturdy looking black case. It felt bulky in her hand but she was sure she would get used to it, thanking him before saying goodbye to everyone and retrieving Shay. Since they were in the area they decided to stop by the firehouse on their way home, staying for lunch with Pouch and Daddy, Shay's priorities in order. Ember was increasingly awake through the day and for the first time enjoyed being passed around to say hello to everyone. It was clear that she liked some people more than others, Gabby and Mouch her clear favourites amongst her extended family members. Shay enjoyed playing snap with Mills, though she didn't understand that the cards had to be the same before slapping her hand down on them and screaming 'snap' at full volume. As was bound to happen eventually they were called out to a fire and Erin took the girls home, hoping that she would be able to get a nap in while they slept.

**This chapter and yesterdays may feel like fillers but I'm just writing what I 'see' and I'm having a lot of fun doing it so I hope you don't mind. **


	146. Chapter 146

"You done with the shampoo?" Erin questioned, tearing her eyes away from Ember for a second to look over her shoulder at her husband. Kelly was sitting on the edge of the bath tub, one hand holding Shay's chin up while the other massaged shampoo into her hair.

"Yeah, just a sec" Kelly answered. "What colour is the ceiling Shay?" He questioned, pointing up as he removed his hand from her chin, prompting her to remain in that position while he fumbled for the shampoo bottle.

"Sealing? Arp! Arp!" Shay replied, imitating the seal noises she had heard on the television and learned from her big brother. Thankfully she remained looking upward anyway; even though the shampoo was specially formulated not to cause irritation to eyes she always cried if any got in her eyes.

"There you go" Kelly smiled as he placed the bottle into the hand his wife held out. "Did you know there's a seal in our bath" He added as Shay stopped clapping her arms like flippers and tried to balance the toy octopus on her nose, the closest in shape to a ball.

"Thanks. Oh! Make sure it's a clean seal" She acknowledged, eyes remaining fixed on the pudgy baby in her little bath. Both adults returned to the task at hand, Kelly kept a running dialogue with Shay the seal as he rinsed her hair while Erin maintained a one sided conversation with Ember as she lathered the Shampoo in what little hair she had. Shay had had a similar lack of hair at that age but she had been so much smaller than her little sister that it didn't seem as obvious, the small patch of hair on the top of her head either stood straight up on bad days or sat forward nicely.

"I finished. I help Mama baby now!" Shay declared, launching herself to her feet the moment the froth from the soap dissolved into the water.

"Don't you want to play?" Kelly encouraged, sending a jet of water at her face via a toy penguin.

"No Daddy. I help Mummy baby Emmy bath time" Shay explained, hitting the purple penguin from his hand unpredictably. Her father's quick reflexes were employed a second later when saved her from slipping as she tried to climb out of the bath, being set back down on her backside.

"I don't need help right now thank you Shay. You can help me get her dressed in a little while" Erin interjected, a squeak from the tub suggesting Shay was trying to get up again. Erin was enjoying watching Ember kick and squirm as she poured a cup full of water down her chest, keeping her warm in the shallow bath.

"But Mama!" Shay complained, it was at least the hundredth time she'd used those two words that day.

"I don't need help" She reiterated. "Emmy's all finished, we're just going to play for a little bit. You can play with Daddy" She recommended, tipping the cup to rinse Ember's hair as she spoke, thankful for the high sides that prevented Shay spotting the lie.

"I play Emmy" Shay argued, grabbing one of her toys, a rubber sailing boat, and throwing it across the room at her mother.

"No throwing Shay" Kelly warned firmly, the boat had fallen well short of the target but he leaned across to retrieve it before it became a tripping hazard. He then confiscated a second toy, pulling it from her grasp as she lined up the shot.

"I play helping Emmy!" Shay rephrased, cupping water in her hands before standing up and throwing it at her father, soaking the leg of his jeans and distracting him as she made another escape attempt. Kelly looked down at the patch of dark darkened denim before catching her yet again. Keeping a hand on her shoulder when he sat her back down, handing her the penguin and octopus to keep her entertained.

"Okay" Erin nodded as an idea struck her. "If you sit nicely you can play with Emmy" She clarified, knowing she shouldn't give in to the toddler's poor behaviour and demands but eager to see how it would work. "Now" She added in response to Shay's baffled expression.

"I sittin' goodly" Shay provided as she discarded the toys and straightened her legs.

"No splashing" Erin requested, emptying the cup over Ember one last time before lifting her out of the water. Instead of wrapping her in her purple hooded towel straight away she turned and took two steps, carrying the dripping baby to the big bath. Bending to stand on her knees on the bath mat she lowered Ember into the water.

"Oh Mama!" Shay marvelled, eyes and mouth wide as she realised what her mother was doing. She exhaled slowly, worried that Ember would have to go back to her own bath if she wasn't especially careful.

"If you grab the cup and wash cloth" Erin directed her husband, using her head to gesture back at the bench.

"Sure" Kelly smiled, releasing Shay's shoulder as he got up, certain she wouldn't be making a break for it anytime soon. Returning seconds later with the orange cup and blue wash cloth, handing both to Shay since his wife's hands were occupied.

"Just like when you play with her normally" She instructed the toddler.

"Yes please Mama" Shay nodded, moving forward cautiously before wetting the cloth and spreading it over Ember's chest, pouring water over it with the cup. Ember vocalised her joy in grunts and breathy giggles, kicking her legs and reaching for the cup, pulling it to her mouth when Shay let her hold it. Erin relaxed somewhat as the girls played happily, returning to the one handed grip she normally used. Fingers extending down Ember's back while her thumb gripped her upper arm, head supported by her wrist and arm, angled so that her head remained well above the surface of the water.

"Don't hurt yourself" Kelly told his wife, running a hand across her shoulders as she leaned further forward, resting an elbow on the edge of the bath.

"I'm fine" She shrugged, making his hand fall away as she did so. It was only for a few minutes. Kelly discarded his frown as he joined in, replacing the cup Ember held with a red rubber duck so he could pour water on her. Shay quickly worked the cup out of his hands and resumed her sisterly duty of pouring it slowly. Even though they were all enjoying the moment Erin knew Ember was a long way off being able to bathe with her sister regularly, maybe once she could sit up reliably they would be able to abandon the baby bath.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry Emmy, I'm sorry. I'm real sorry, I sorry, sorry" Shay continued to apologise. Ember had knocked the cup with her fist which made Shay tip it quickly, splashing water onto her sister's face and making her cry loudly. "Sorry, sorry. I sorry Emmy baby, I super sorry" She sustained, doing everything she usually did to calm her sister, stroking her cheek, tickling her feet and offering a finger for her to suck.

"She's just tired Shay" Erin explained, a few droplets of water on her face would never cause this much upset otherwise.

"Time for bed?" Shay asked, patting Ember's tummy gently as the baby continued to cry.

"Yeah" Erin agreed, using her free hand to rub Shay's back, thanking her for being such a good big sister. Kelly got up and retrieved Ember's towel, holding it out so that when his wife lifted the baby he could wrap it tightly around her. "Daddy will help you get ready and then you can help me with Emmy" She added, smiling at her husband as he helped her to her feet.

"Umkay" Shay accepted, leaning forward to lie on her stomach in the water, carefully pulling the plug, keeping her fingers well back the way she had been taught. Erin rocked and bounced Ember until she transitioned from crying to whimpering occasionally, allowing her to drain and pack away the baby bath while Kelly helped Shay. First he dried her thoroughly, hanging her upside down over his knees to dry her hair before combing it quickly but gently. Then he helped her into the pyjamas she had requested, the purple ones with 'baby foots', that had narrowly avoided getting wet when she had thrown water at him. Erin handed the baby bath over Shay's head to her husband, who placed it upside down over the bath to dry properly, then got Shay's toothbrush ready for her. Even though the dinosaur toothbrush was relatively new it already looked like it had been used on a dinosaur, getting her to use a new one was a fight for another night though.

"Don't forget this side" Erin reminded, tapping Shay's cheek with the tip of her finger. Shay frowned before starting to brush that side as well, making sure her teeth were cleaned properly.

"Done" Shay smiled broadly.

"Rinse" She instructed, handing the toddler her little cup with the tooth fairy on the front. Shay complied as quickly as she could without her mother telling her to start again.

"Done!" Shay announced with great certainty, jumping from the stool before grabbing her mother's hand.

"I'll do Sooty" Kelly whispered to his wife as he shadowed her out of the bathroom, knowing that if Shay heard she would want to feed the cat and help with her little sister at the same time. Erin nodded to acknowledge what he had said then continued, arm jerking as Shay skipped along beside her towards the bedroom at the end of the hall.

"What's Emmy wearing to bed tonight?" Erin questioned, moving straight to the drawers, opening the one that contained the pyjama options for Shay to choose from.

"This" Shay decided after a moment, selecting the coverall that was the closest to matching her purple pyjamas.

"Okay, grab a diaper and I'll get her a singlet" She smiled accepting the outfit from the toddler then shutting the drawer, opening the next one up where singlets, socks and hats were stored.

"The lellow one with the flutterby" Shay requested as she climbed up the change table for a diaper.

"The yellow one with the butterfly is for daytime, how about yellow without the butterfly?" She suggested as an alternative.

"Yes 'kay" Shay agreed, hoping she would remember to request the butterfly singlet in the morning.

"Alright bubba, let's get you all dry and then you can have something to eat" Erin said softly to Ember as she lay her down on the bed, noticing that the baby had stuffed the corner of the towel into her mouth to suck.

"Up" Shay demanded, struggling to climb onto the bed with the diaper in her hand. Erin pulled her up then placed the diaper with the clothes, partially unwrapping Ember to start drying at her feet. Shay liked to hold them, giggling when Ember tried to pull away or kick, as her mother carefully dried between the little toes. Then they continued up her chubby legs. "Dryin' all them creases!" Shay reminded, bending forward to wobble Ember's belly.

"I'm getting all the creases" She assured, focusing on the backs of Ember's knees and her underarms particularly. Then they worked together to put the diaper on, Shay pulling and securing the tabs according to her mother's instructions. She helped straighten the singlet once it was over Ember's head and wiggled her little feet into the feet of the pyjamas she had chosen.

"All done" Shay clapped, though Erin still had to finish the snaps the toddler had attempted to close.

"Thank you for your help Shay, give Em a goodnight kiss then go choose a book. Daddy will be there to read to you in a minute" Erin instructed, holding Ember facing away from herself so that the toddler could kiss her cheeks and forehead, pulling her into a gentle cuddle as well.

"What Emmy doin'?" Shay enquired, wanting to stay with her baby sister.

"I'm going to feed her and then I'll put her to bed" She answered, offering a hand to help Shay off the bed.

"I read her?" Shay questioned, avoiding looking at the hand so she could pretend she hadn't seen it.

"Which book?"

"Fishy, I know all them letters" Shay answered confidently, she didn't know all the letters and certainly couldn't read but could recite the story based off the pictures given how often it had been read to her.

"Alright, go get Blue Fish's Wish and we'll read it together" Erin agreed hoping that her talk with the toddler at lunchtime had contributed to her helpfulness. While Shay had abandoned her baby like behaviour by midmorning on Monday she had persisted for the entirety of Tuesday, forcing her father and brother to fuss over her. With them back at work all day Erin was left with a grumpy baby-toddler who didn't like not getting her own way. It didn't help that Ember had been being difficult, or maybe Erin just wanted to think she wasn't behaving normally, either way it was too much. A very serious conversation with the toddler had pointed out that if Shay helped with her little sister her mother would have more time to play with her. It turned out that helping with her little sister was just as much fun as playing and Shay was making a huge effort to be extra helpful.

"Lub you Mama" Shay smiled as she slid off the bed.

"I love you too Shay" Erin smiled, watching as Shay walked sensibly out of the bedroom. Shay found the book easily, the worn blue spine making it stand out from all the other books on her shelves. She held it to her chest as she carried it back to the bedroom, waving at her father as he came up the stairs.

"Where are you going with that?" He asked, normally Shay would climb into her bed and wait for him to come read.

"I read Emmy. Mama said" Shay answered before picking up the pace and dashing into the bedroom. She put the book on the bed then climbed up after it, pushing it along to sit next to her mother against the pillows. Ember was happily feeding away, using both hands to stuff as much of her mother's breast into her mouth as she could.

"Er?" Kelly questioned from the doorway, not sure he shouldn't be ordering Shay back to her own room.

"Come on, Shay's going to read to us" His wife encouraged, shifting towards the middle of the bed so there was room on either side. Shay wriggled after her, kissing Ember's head before turning her attention to opening the book.

"Uh, okay" He smiled, slipping his shoes off before taking a seat on the bed.

"You listen!" Shay commanded, looking at them both before kissing Ember again, struggling to hold up the book the way Daddy did so they could all see the picture. "Blue Fish was a little blue fish. Blue Fish lived in a tank. The tank had: a castle, a plant and…a…a um…rainbow…" Shay stumbled, forgetting the word for the stuff at the bottom of the tank. She had already surprised her parents by making it to the third page without assistance.

"Gravel" Kelly supplied after letting her try for a little while longer.

"Gravels. It was a nice place to live. But Blue Fish wasn't happy. There was something… missing… from hims tanks" Shay smiled, pausing to adjust her hold of the book.

"What was missing?" He asked, trying to encourage her to continue.

"Shh! I reading Daddy!" Shay hissed, forgetting where she was up to she took a moment then started again. "Um…Blue Fishy was all alone. No friends. So Blue Fish maked a wish" She rushed, deviating considerably from the text of the story. "The next day after eatin' breakfast Blue Fish swimmed over the gravels, past the plant and around the castle. Blue Fish sawed something new. A red fish in the tank. Blue Fish and Red Fish made friends and Blue Fish got his wish. Theeeeeeee End" Shay finished, grinning as she closed the book. "Did Emmy like it?" She questioned, putting the book aside as she stood on her knees to get a better look at her sister.

"She loved it Shay, thank you. That was wonderful reading" Erin congratulated, she hadn't read the story word for word but it was close enough considering she was relying on the illustrations and her memory.

"It was the best two year old daughter reading I have ever heard Shay" Kelly agreed, reaching over his wife to pull Shay into his lap for a celebratory hug.

"That's silly Daddy" Shay laughed.

"No it isn't, that was great reading" He disagreed, trading his proud smile for a serious expression so she could understand more easily.

"You silly 'cause I only two year old daughter readin' you ever heared" Shay explained to him, poking him in the chest to emphasise her point.

"Alright you got me, but it's awesome Shay" He agreed, sending a questioning look to his wife, when he had left the night before Shay had been drinking from a bottle in her bed, insisting she was a baby, and now, twenty-four hours later, she was reading confidently.

"You can read to Emmy to practice and you'll get better" Erin smiled, offering a comforting hand squeeze to her husband, they could talk later. Now it was time to conclude the reading session and get Shay to sleep in her own bed.

"She sleeps now?" Shay questioned, crawling from her father's lap to her mother's, looking down at her little sister. Ember continued to suck, her hands had relaxed and her eyes were closed.

"Yeah she's asleep" She nodded, letting Shay wipe the dribble from the corner of Ember's mouth. Watching intently as her mother finished feeding her sister, fastening her bra and buttoning her shirt with her free hand before holding Ember up to her shoulder while burping her without waking her.

"I tucks her in?" Shay asked hopefully. "Please."

"Okay" Erin agreed, her recent experience with 'baby' Shay meant she could carry them both easily to the crib. She lay Ember down then helped Shay tuck the blanket around her, holding the toddler over the crib to kiss her little sister goodnight. "Time to tuck you in now" She added, stepping away from the crib as she turned Shay around, cuddling the toddler to her chest as she left the room. Kelly grabbed the book before getting up to follow them through to Shay's room. Their oldest daughter didn't speak as they lay her down and tucked her into her bed, saying goodnight and kissing her, flicking the nightlight before turning to leave.

"Mama" Shay called, sitting up as both parents stopped and looked towards her.

"Yeah?" She nodded, wondering what was stopping her from sleeping.

"You don't gots to worry 'bout Emmy. I be good sister an protectin' her" Shay informed before flopping back to her pillow, fast asleep before Erin had a chance to ask her what she meant. Standing unmoving as she processed the toddler's wise words, it wasn't until her husband took her hand and pulled that she left the room.

"She's right, you don't need to worry" Kelly agreed, when Erin did finally move of her own accord it was straight towards the crib, checking her sleeping baby and tucking the blanket more tightly.

"Mhm" She replied with a half-smile, kissing her daughter before heading to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Kelly followed, watching his wife carefully as she got ready for bed, stopping by the crib twice more before getting in. "How was your day?" She enquired when he joined her, keeping with their nightly routine. She always asked the question over dinner as well but this was his chance to talk to his wife instead of to his whole family.

"Good, not too busy. Yours?" He asked in response, far more interested in how she was feeling than in detailing his boring shift, it couldn't be hectic all the time or the city would be little more than smoking ruins by now.

"Good" She dismissed, there had been nothing vaguely like Monday's yoghurt incident and therefore she didn't feel there was anything to complain about.

"How did you get Shay to stop being a baby?" He prompted, especially curious given his endless attempts to lure his big girl back the day before, using every bargaining chip he had to try and make his wife's job a little easier.

"I just talked to her" She shrugged, that was all it had been. A sit down talk at the table, admittedly she had used the firmest vocabulary the toddler would understand to convey her expectations for behaviour.

"Ah, well you did a good job because she's certainly grown up. Soon she'll be reading properly" He smiled, wondering if his wife was purposefully laying at the edge of the bed to avoid him. He wasn't hurt if that was the case, he had been through this process enough times to know that it was a coping mechanism employed in times of stress.

"I doubt it, she doesn't even understand letters. She just repeats what Chase tells her half the time" She informed crankily, she knew he wasn't serious about Shay reading but couldn't seem to let it go the way she normally would.

"I know, but she is getting bigger" He reasoned, rolling to face her as he extended his hand across the bed towards her.

"Emmy isn't, it's been three weeks since… and she's only just over fifteen pounds" Erin changed the subject to align with the thoughts swirling around her head.

"But isn't that off the charts for her age anyway?" He questioned, certain that his not so little baby daughter was a healthy weight.

"Yeah but still" She argued, looking over at him only to frown.

"She can't keep putting on a pound a week, she'd be huge. She's using more energy to stay awake for longer during the day" He justified, locating her hand he gripped her wrist, tugging to pull her closer.

"I know" She snapped, shaking her arm free before batting his hand away.

"What time is the appointment?" He enquired gently, ending the frosty silence by getting straight to the point. Refusing to skirt around the stressor that was Ember's allergist's appointment the next day.

"Two o'clock" Erin answered flatly.

"We can sleep in" He offered, easily finding the upside.

"Mmm" She acknowledged softly, at the mention of sleep she sat up, looking across at Ember before reaching to turn off the bedside light. Now that the room was dark she could be left in peace with her thoughts while her husband slept. It didn't take her very long to realise that that wasn't as good as it sounded, finding herself fighting the urge to get up and retrieve her baby. His breathing indicated he was still wide awake, his own mind working on a way to comfort his wife. "I'm scared" Erin admitted, shuffling across the bed and into his arms, sniffling as she lost the ability to hold back the tears.

"Shh. Hey, she's okay" He whispered softly, holding her to his chest, rubbing soft circles on her back. "She's going to be okay I promise" He added, as his eyes adjusted to the lack of light he gained confidence, moving the hair back from her face and wiping the tears away with the pad of his thumb. "You know how I know?" He questioned, when after a moment she showed no signs of calming down.

"How?" She croaked, sounding oddly waterlogged.

"Because she's as tough as her Mama" He answered, pressing his lips to her forehead, keeping them there as she gained some control and sighed deeply in response.

"Kelly" She complained softly, he clearly wasn't taking it seriously. That was because it wasn't his fault there was something wrong with their baby. The baby she had made. Taking the time to compose herself she pushed away from his chest, settling back onto her pillow, well away from him.

"Erin. I'm serious, it's just a doctor's appointment. Ember is going to be fine" He assured, rising onto an elbow to look down at her as he spoke. She didn't say anything at first, she really hoped he was right, his sincerity enough to trigger more tears.

"Hold me?" She pleaded, covering her mouth to muffle the sob that escaped without warning. There was nothing she hated more than crying, it was messy and ugly and embarrassing. She was supposed to be better than that, becoming a mother had changed her in so many ways but this was the worst.

"Forever" He vowed, keeping her safely in his arms as her body shook. Eventually she calmed down, breathing evening out before a yawn and a whimper suggested she had exhausted herself. Kelly waited until he knew she was asleep before even considering closing his eyes, shifting slightly to look across at their daughter before settling back to sleep.

**I don't even know how this ended up over 4000 words - that's nine and a half pages… It just happened!**


	147. Chapter 147

**I forgot to mention yesterday that 'Blue Fish's Wish' isn't a real children's book. I made it up for Shay (it was referenced in Chapter 131 as well). Enjoy :D  
**

Standard maternal worry had escalated to intense fear and dread, the impending allergist's appointment all she had on her mind most of the night. As she woke up, cheek pressed to her husband's chest, it was all forgotten. She didn't want to move, not only was she more than comfortable in his embrace but she knew he would wake the moment she did. He had been so amazing all night. First he had freed her from the grips of an awful nightmare, her exhausted brain and vivid imagination forcing her to watch her baby die over and over again. It had taken him quite some time to calm her enough to get her to consider sleep again, Ember's cries pulling her from the lightest sleep soon after. Once she had the baby in her arms it was clear she wasn't going to let her go, holding her long after she finished her early morning feed. Kelly had been awake through all of it, cuddling them both in his arms, whispering comforting words to his wife. It was around then that he lost his shirt, she had insisted before leaving Ember with him when she went to the bathroom, the baby still fond of skin contact. They shared her then, concerned parents staring at their content baby as she slept peacefully, oblivious to their distress. Erin lost the fight to remain conscious and in seconds Ember was back in her crib, Kelly taking the time to tuck her in the way his wife did. Her anxiety had started to rub off on him and he was glad for the comfort his wife's sleeping form provided as he remained true to his word, holding her through the night.

Erin now suspected that she was crushing his arm, potentially cutting off blood flow, doing what she could to ease herself off it while waiting for him to wake up voluntarily. His discomfort the only concern her quiet, well-rested mind held for the time being. It wasn't very long before his bleary blue eyes looked down at her, returning the small smile on her lips. Part of him, the part that had complained about waking up in the night, was asking to go back to sleep since she looked fine. The majority vote went toward staying with her, something he was rewarded for seconds later when she moved just enough to align her mouth with his. Their typical verbal morning greeting replaced by the collision of lips and then eventually tongues, actions speaking far louder than words could. Kelly rolled, pulling her with him to lie on his chest, refusing to acknowledge the sensation of pins and needles in his left arm. Erin had anticipated that though and massaged his arm, hand and fingers to restore circulation, all while his right hand held the back of her head so he could keep her mouth on his. They were of a consensus and despite the heat building between them it wasn't going to progress to anything more, ending when they pulled apart to catch their breath. Erin shifted off her husband to lie along his side, her head resting on his chest, his heart beat the loudest thing she could hear. It had to happen eventually and as much as she didn't want it the fear and dread returned. Kelly sensed the change immediately, kissing the top of her head while he still had the chance. Seconds later she was pulling away, turning and sitting up at the same time, eyes finding the crib. "What?!" She demanded hoarsely, launching out of the bed and hurrying across their bedroom, her husband close behind her.

"It's just Shay" He answered softly, one hand on the railing of the crib while the other found itself wrapped around her shoulders. Just as surprised by what lay before them as she was. The unusually large lump in the crib was their two year old daughter, cuddled around her little sister, both sleeping. Ember's little hand held Shay's, it was clear who had initiated the comforting gesture, Shay exceptionally considerate and caring, her back exposed to ensure her little sister had most of the blanket.

"How did she?" Erin asked, hand reaching then falling back to the wooden rail a few times as she struggled to react.

"I don't know, climbed I suppose" He replied, resting his hand on top of hers to stop the instinctive need to do something.

"We should…" She started.

"Leave them" He finished, they weren't the type of couple that finished each other's sentences and this was a perfect example of why, completely opposite thoughts. "They're perfect" He clarified softly, turning her body to face him he forced her to hold his gaze, he didn't often claim the dominant role but it was clear he was making a stand. Just as his wife needed him his girls needed each other, he wasn't going to question that or interfere and he was going to make sure she didn't either.

"You're right! They are perfect" Erin announced having had an epiphany, suddenly awakened to the truth in his words. So amazed that it had taken her so long, or that there had ever been any doubt, she forgot to keep her voice down.

"Okay?" He questioned, almost inaudibly quiet to balance her noise.

"I mean they're our kind of perfect" She explained in a whisper. "With flaws and rough bits… and allergies… But I still made them perfect. They're perfect sisters and they're our perfect daughters" She finished excitedly, losing heart when her husband then sighed. It almost hurt that she hadn't always felt that way.

"There was never any doubt babe, they're our babies, of course they're perfect" He nodded, putting aside his sadness to reinforce what she was saying. "You made them absolutely perfect and you're the perfect mother for them too" He agreed firmly, pulling her into a hug.

"I just… No" She tried to justify, catching herself before she could revert to negative thinking, instead she took his face in her hands and kissed him hungrily, heart humming.

"I love you" He breathed, head bowed forward to rest his forehead against hers, eyes closed.

"You're too good" She shook her head softly. "The perfect Daddy to our girls and a better husband than I thought possible. I love you too, so much" She smiled, falling into his eyes.

"Does that mean you'll let me plan our anniversary?" He questioned after a long silence, alternating staring at each other and at their sleeping daughters. "Because I have some ideas… but we've left it pretty late" He added, his smile failing to mask the scheming look in his eyes. The last time he'd brought up their anniversary she had said it was too soon to plan, now they were nine days out he suspected they faced the opposite problem.

"Ah… Can we stay here?" She requested, hating to disappoint him. "In Chicago?" She clarified in response to his less than pleased expression. She didn't necessarily want to stay home but she didn't need anything grand either.

"Chase and Hank can look after them for a weekend" He reasoned. This was exactly what they had just been talking about, the perfect mother of his children didn't want to entrust them to anyone else.

"I just don't want to go too far, I'll worry" She explained, using her eyes and a sad expression to manipulate him somewhat.

"I'll see what I can do" He sighed, reaching the conclusion that it wasn't going to be as easy as he'd expected.

"We could just do dinner" She suggested weakly.

"No way! I've put up with you for an entire year. I'm getting a fancy hotel room and lots of really hot sex for my anniversary" He argued.

"Oh are you? Well in that case I want a spa bath and room service" She requested, smiling as she started to see how much fun it could be to take some time out with him.

"Pfft, you're so easy" He snorted, hands on her waist pulling her forward, catching her off balance to steal a quick kiss.

"Mean! If I'm easy what does that make my husband?" She challenged.

"I love you" He conceded quickly, raising both hands in surrender.

"Thank you" She smiled victoriously, holding his chin firmly to dominate a rough kiss.

"Dada? Mama?" Shay questioned, opening her eyes to look straight up at them.

"Good morning princess" Erin greeted, quickly releasing her husband to turn back to the crib, watching as Shay sat up, kissed her little sister and straightened the blanket across her chest.

"I just 'tecting" Shay explained apologetically, avoiding eye contact.

"You're not in trouble" Erin assured quickly. "Thank you for protecting your sister" She smiled, kissing her fingers before pressing them to Shay's cheek, unable to lean far enough to kiss her properly.

"I saided I would" Shay declared seriously, laying back down before snuggling closer to her baby sister.

* * *

"NO!" Shay screamed again, face pressed to the car window so that the sound reverberated back at her.

"Shay, stop" Erin requested calmly but firmly. "Unlock the door. Now" She added when the toddler didn't immediately start screaming again.

"NO! YOU NO TAKE MY BABY HOSTIBLE" Shay answered, pressing her face against the window to make her frown even more severe.

"You're going to have to grab her" Erin told her husband, standing on the other side of the car, baffled by the siege taking place before him. Shay knew they were taking Ember to see the doctor to make sure she didn't get sick again. The moment she had recognised the main entrance she had started crying, pleading with her parents that Ember wasn't sick and didn't need to go to the 'hostible'. Now, along with her little sister as a hostage, she was locked in the back seat of the car. The explanations and negotiation attempts from her parents had fallen on deaf ears, not that they hadn't been speaking loud enough to be heard through the glass.

"She's locked this side too" Kelly explained, testing the handle again to prove his point. The child lock stoped Shay opening the doors herself but it didn't stop her locking them manually, trapping herself inside and keeping her parents away from her baby sister. It had been a game at first, rushing to lock the doors again when her mother pressed the button on her keychain, but now it was a serious stalemate.

"Fine, I'll do it" She grumbled, he was just as capable though as a fireman he hadn't even realised it was a possibility, the only solution he could see was breaking the window. Erin pulled open the front door, sitting awkwardly on the glove box as she reached back for Shay.

"NO! NO MAMA! NO!" The toddler screamed, her only real defence given she couldn't kick or hit effectively without risking hurting her sister. Erin caught Shay's wrist and used it to pull the toddler into reach, taking her under the arms as she retreated. Kelly had opened the passenger side door and had his hands out ready for the writhing toddler. "NOT MY BABY. SHE NOT SICK. I DON'T WANT TO!" At that point Shay stopped using words, resorting to screaming as loudly as she could. Drawing attention from people making their way to and from the hospital car park, from the noises she was making they probably thought she was badly injured. Kelly did his best to calm Shay while Erin climbed out of the car, shut the door then pressed the button to unlock the vehicle, taking Ember straight from the car seat. The baby was red faced, small lungs rivalling her sister's to produce piercing screams.

"Fuck! Shay!" Kelly cursed, shaking his hand to disperse the pain. Shay no longer had the advantage but that didn't stop her fighting, forcing her father to physically restrain her. One arm had been wrapped around her body, trapping her arms to her sides, preventing her from hitting, punching, scratching and pinching. The other hand had covered her mouth, the only way to stop the awful noise. That was until she had decided to sink her teeth into the heel of his hand, biting down as hard as she could to hurt him enough that he lost his ability to filter profanity.

"Kelly" Erin warned, doing everything short of tearing her shirt open and offering a breast to calm her small daughter. Ember had really worked herself up, on the verge of going blue and already losing her voice. "Shh, shh Emmy. Please baby, it's okay, you're alright" She attempted to soothe, though Shay had started screaming again so she didn't stand much of a chance at being heard. There was nothing for it but to abandon ship, turning to see Shay slipping free of her husband's hands, noting that he was too busy to render assistance she simply walked away. Keeping an eye out for moving cars she continued until Shay's screams had halved in volume, almost the entire length of the parking structure, talking softly to Ember who was finally starting to lose momentum. "That's better, breathe bubba, you're okay. Shay's just being silly. We're doing this to keep you healthy" She explained, glad she wasn't talking to Shay who would sense her uncertainty. Having concluded that her girls were perfect as they were she no longer saw the point in seeing the allergist. She could easily keep Ember happy and healthy by just staying at home. Erin's phone beeped in her back pocket, the sudden noise scaring Ember into silence, ending the pathetic half cry her raw throat created. _'Gave in to demands but she's calm now. Come back?'_ The text message she had received from her husband read. _'What demands?'_ She sent back before starting the return journey, thankful her husband and daughter were recognisable enough that she could find them again.

"Ember is going to come with us to McDonalds after the appointment, she is not staying at the hospital and she definitely isn't sick" Kelly explained verbally instead of via text message when Erin neared.

"And ice cream" Shay reminded, voice breaking as a result of her screaming.

"And I'm going to buy Shay an ice cream that she doesn't have to share" He clarified with a nod to the toddler, giving his wife an apologetic look.

"And toy" Shay added.

"And I will do everything I can to get the Happy Meal toy she wants" He agreed, having been careful not to promise in case they had run out.

"And them Santa boots" Shay smiled, reaching up to affectionately pat her father's cheek. It instantly reminded her mother of Grandpa Hank, he did a similar thing to suspects in the cage when they gave him enough to go on and not a single syllable more. She had used the move a few times too, most recently, but still a long time ago, when threatening to plant drugs in a car to protect Justin.

"And at least two of her nuggets will resemble Santa's boots" He explained weakly, knowing that was going to be the hardest to follow through with. It had been just the distraction Shay needed and at that point he would have said anything to stop her.

"We have to get going" Erin nodded, unfazed by the two year olds specific requests.

"I carry Emmy?" Shay attempted to add to her list.

"No Shay, you can hold my hand while I carry Emmy" She offered, it was the best Shay was going to get.

"Dada?" Shay turned, seeking the opinion of the other authority figure in her life.

"Listen to your mother" He instructed simply.

"I kiss Emmy first" Shay requested, it wasn't a question, taking a deep breath to prepare to scream if she was denied that small chance.

"One quick kiss, we're going to be late" Erin conceded, bending so that Shay could plant a wet kiss on her sister's head.

"Oh no! Too late, let's go" Shay shrugged, moving to get back in the car. Deciding not to respond verbally Kelly scooped her up with one hand and took the diaper bag from his wife in the other at the same time, carrying both as he followed along behind. Erin had allowed extra time to find the specialist's office but since that had been consumed by one hell of a tantrum she didn't hesitate to ask directions from the first person she saw. The first three people looked at her like she was speaking another language but the fourth knew who she meant and where to find him, waiting with them to press the number five in the elevator then listing a series of left and right turns in the corridors that would lead them to their destination. Stepping out of the elevator they felt more confused with the instructions than they had been without. They were lucky then to find the corridors well signed, 'Dr Andrew Dinham' and a corresponding arrow appearing at each junction.

"See just a doctor" Erin explained to Shay as she pushed open the surprisingly heavy glass door, stepping into a very small waiting room, the receptionist's desk and three seats filling the space.

"No" Shay argued, that was it though, just a single word.

"Hi, appointment for Ember Severide at one o'clock" Erin greeted the receptionist as Kelly and Shay took two of the three seats.

"Certainly, fill this out and Dr Dinham will be with you soon" The receptionist informed, handing over a clip board with a standard looking form attached. Erin didn't even move, using the edge of the desk to support the clip board as she jotted down the answers in the boxes. It was essentially just requesting information, personal and medical. After handing the completed form back she moved to sit down. Somewhat surprised they had made it this far at all.

"Be ready to take Shay out if you have to" Erin requested in a whisper exclusively to her husband.

"We should have left her home" He replied, hoping that wouldn't be required. He wanted to hear what the doctor had to say and support his wife far more than he wanted to wrangle an unruly two year old.

"Well we're here now."

**That might seem like a bit of a disappointment but you're lucky I didn't cut it at the scene break halfway through… I took my little sister to see Minions and by the time we got home I was too tired to write much more. Sorry.**

**I don't own McDonalds… obviously… I used it because I believe they are as prolific in America as they are in Australia? And they sell similar things? I could be wrong.**


	148. Chapter 148

**I said I wasn't happy so I rewrote this, adding another 3000+ words… I'll explain why at the bottom, enjoy:**

The waiting room was exactly what the small family needed. Completely silent save their breathing and the tapping of false nails on a keyboard, there was no expectation for them not to talk but the receptionist's look of concentration certainly discouraged it. An ideal environment for reflection and preparation. Kelly was reflecting on what he could have done differently to get Shay out of the car calmly, resorting to brute force wasn't something he wanted to do again but the two year olds emotional immaturity and lack of understanding made it difficult to isolate an alternative approach. Shay was feeling the effects of her outburst, energy levels dropping considerably to leave her drowsy but no less determined. Compliance was working in her favour for now, sitting still and silent on her father's lap, but she remained prepared to strike. Erin was reflecting not on the afternoon so far but on Ember's entire life, she seemed to have spent far too much time in doctor's waiting rooms. Logically she knew the appointment was necessary but emotionally she was struggling to prepare herself, focusing instead on getting Ember to sleep. Her eyelids were heavy and as her mother rocked her gently her blinking slowed. She didn't close her eyes completely though determined to stay awake in the unfamiliar environment. All progress towards sleep was lost when a voice drew them all back to reality. "Good Afternoon, I'm Andrew Dinham" The man introduced as he appeared on the far side of the receptionist's desk, accepting the form from the woman as he maintained eye contact with the almost dazed looking family.

"Doctor" Kelly nodded, taking the initiative and standing up first, sliding Shay around to sit on his hip as he greeted the man with a handshake. "Kelly. This is my wife Erin…" He started, watching as she stood up more slowly, trying not to rouse Ember any further.

"Just call me Andy" The specialist cut off before Kelly could introduce his daughters, deciding against correcting the man that he was technically a professor, maintaining his preferred informal approach. "And this must be Ember" The stranger greeted, reaching across to greet the baby Erin held.

"NO!" Shay defended immediately, moving like lightning to throw herself as far as she could, trusting that her father wouldn't drop her as her hand fell just short of slapping the professor's. The sudden rapid movement startled Ember awake, crying to voice her confusion.

"Shay" Erin cautioned, giving the medical practitioner an apologetic smile before turning to Shay to convey her disapproval. The toddler looked concerned to have caused her sister distress when she had just wanted to protect her, reconfiguring her expression to a scowl when she made eye contact with her mother. Erin needed to make sure that Shay knew that carrying on the way she had in the car park would not be tolerated. As they continued to communicate in looks, Shay trying to remain angry and dominant, Erin had lifted Ember until she was upright, settling the baby against her shoulder as she patted her back. Kelly took the opportunity to gather information on the professor, his pin-striped suit conveyed professionalism while his colourful tie would appeal to children, he was younger than expected and he was yet to come to a conclusion on whether or not he trusted him. That would have to be based on more than appearance alone.

"Didn't mean to skip you sweetheart, what's your name?" Andy attempted to resolve the conflict when the toddler gave in to her mother and looked away. Erin and Kelly traded loos then, not sure what to make of the specialist or his sudden enthusiasm for Shay.

"Don't touch my baby" Shay growled, glaring at the now thoroughly confused professor. At first he had suspected her reaction was jealousy, typical between siblings when one had health issues and therefore received more attention from the parents, now it was clear there was more to the situation.

"How old are you Shay?" Andy continued without skipping a beat, as if the toddler had provided her name, doing well to hide his confusion at the strange first impression she was making.

"I don't like you" Shay answered matter-of-factly, maintaining her hostile body language toward him even as her father returned her to his hip.

"Shay" Erin warned again, looking straight at her husband this time. Shay felt the disapproving look anyway, simply because she expected to, refusing to look away from the professor should he move any nearer her baby sister, his friendly smile wasn't fooling her. Erin was struggling not to feel at least partially proud of Shay's possessiveness and determination to protect Ember, of course she wanted them to love and look out for each other. It wasn't appropriate behaviour though and she made it clear to her husband that it couldn't continue.

"Well it's lovely to meet you all, come on through" Andy requested giving up on the toddler in order to keep the appointment on schedule. He turned to lead them along the short hallway that ended with the door to his office, slowing his usual walking pace to accommodate them. Erin and Kelly both hesitated, Erin stopping to grab the diaper bag before looking at her husband and older daughter as she passed them. Kelly still hadn't moved, mind working rapidly to phrase what he was about to say optimally.

"Shay, you don't need to protect Em right now, that's what Mama and I are doing. Please be good so we can have McDonalds" He whispered, ignoring the look of the receptionist as he moved around her desk to start down the hall. While he hadn't said they wouldn't go to McDonalds if she wasn't good it was implied strongly enough that the two year old understood.

"Umkay Dada" Shay agreed unhappily as they entered the office, Kelly closing the door softly as he surveyed the room. Plain white walls, rough grey carpet and the strong scent of disinfectant the first things he noticed, cold and sterile. The black glass desk was littered with papers, the keyboard was missing a few letters and the storage unit along the back wall was stuffed with dog-eared books and boxes of medications in no particular order. Conflicting senses of cleanliness and untidiness. Erin was already seated, at the end of the desk instead of across from the doctor as he expected, feeling awkward to sit opposite the doctor and diagonally behind his wife.

"There are some toys in the box there if you'd like to play Shay" Andy suggested, pointing to the clear plastic container on the floor just across from the little girl.

"Hmph!" Shay replied, crossing her arms as she sat back against her father. "No fank you" She corrected when her father's large hand came to rest on her shoulder, turning her small body until she looked up at him.

"Alright, let's get started" Andy smiled, reading over the form Erin had filled out before looking up at his small, sleeping patient and her mother. "So how old is Ember now?" He enquired, too lazy to do the mental math based on her birthdate when her parent was sure to know.

"Emmy's nine weeks old" Erin answered, relaxing back in the chair as she readied herself for the endless questioned doctors always seemed to have.

"And she was six weeks old at the time of the adverse reaction?" He confirmed. It took Erin a moment to understand what he meant, adverse reaction was hardly how she would have referred to the situation that almost cost Ember her life.

"Yes" She nodded.

"That aside she's a normal baby?" He prompted then, picking up his pen so he was ready to take notes, shuffling papers on his desk to find a blank page to write on.

"She's lactose intolerant. Other than that she's great" Erin agreed, smiling as she looked down at her perfect sleeping baby.

"What brand of formula are you using?" He stopped writing to ask, pen ready to scribe the vital information.

"I breastfeed her; I'm on a lactose free diet" Erin explained, turning to check her husband and daughter, both looking reasonably calm.

"Wonderful."

"Do you think her lactose intolerance and the allergic reaction are linked?" Kelly asked cautiously, it made him feel participant and therefore validated his presence in his own mind.

"I can't say. Allergies are immune responses. Lactose intolerance is a non-allergenic hypersensitivity caused by an enzyme deficiency, the digestive system not the immune system. It's unlikely they're linked but I can't answer definitively. I was more curious to discuss her medical history, at nine weeks I doubt there's much point in narrowing that down to focus on allergies" The professor justified.

"Yeah, okay" Kelly nodded, gaining a slightly better understanding of the reasoning behind the professors questions and as such a greater appreciation of his medical expertise.

"Other than the lactose intolerance she hasn't had any health problems, that did have an impact on weight gain early on though" Erin inserted, returning to the question that had been put to them.

"She's certainly a good size. How much does she weigh?" Andy questioned. "If you happen to know" He added, not expecting the exact answer she provided.

"She was fifteen pound, three ounces this morning."

"You weigh her regularly?" It was more of a comment then a question, surprised and intrigued. Of the three non-patients Erin was definitely the most difficult to read, Shay had been angry but now looked subdued, Kelly was focused, intent on absorbing and understanding as much information as he could, but Erin didn't appear to be expressing any one emotion particularly strongly.

"Yeah, it's a habit I guess" She shrugged. Most mornings it just happened as part of getting ready, sometimes she didn't even weigh herself properly and therefore couldn't determine an accurate weight, when she did though she added the numbers to a document on her phone, just in case they ever needed to know.

"Not a bad habit to have. You seem quite proactive regarding her health. Over the last nine weeks has Ember ever exhibited signs of an allergy? – Still excluding the adverse reaction and hospitalisation – Possible symptoms include but are not limited to: sneezing, coughing, runny nose, itchy eyes, wheezing, breathlessness, hives, nausea, diarrhoea, swelling of the face, lips or tongue and associated breathing difficulties" He listed off the top of his head.

"No. Nothing like that" Erin confirmed, having eliminated them one by one as he spoke.

"She had that cough" Kelly offered cautiously, looking to his wife for approval.

"Oh yeah. She had a cough for a few days when she was really little, maybe two weeks old. I thought she must have caught it from someone" She expanded, sending a small smile over her shoulder before looking back to the doctor to find out what was next.

"Alright that's good to know, it's likely she hasn't been exposed to many of the more common allergens. I suggest you keep those symptoms in mind in future and speak to your GP or her paediatrician if you're at all worried" Andy recommended as he continued to think.

"You think she'll have other allergies?" Erin enquired, fear for her daughter immediately growing.

"It's possible. Statistically speaking multiple allergies are more common in those who exhibit anaphylactic reactions, like the reaction she had to her vaccinations. The degree to which she reacted is considered extreme and is thankfully very rare as well, it indicates a hypersensitive immune system. That isn't necessarily a bad thing unless her immune system decides harmless substances are threats, causing allergic reactions. There's nothing we can do about that. Unfortunately a lack of understanding and research make diagnosis and treatment the focus instead of prevention" The professor explained expertly, the concern he could now read on Erin's face informing him that they hadn't been provided enough information following the initial incident.

"What's the point of this appointment then?" Erin questioned, doing her best not to sound frustrated. The doctor had basically said that Ember probably had other allergies, or was going to develop them, and that there was nothing they could do to change that.

"Essentially I'd like to conduct some tests, analysing her reaction to hopefully prevent anything of the kind happening again. Educating you both is important as well" Andy reasoned gently.

"Tests?" She pressed, eager for more information.

"The more data the better. I would love to conduct extensive testing, however, given her age and the life threatening nature of her immune response I'm sure you'll agree that exposing her to potential allergens is to be avoided. That narrows down my diagnostic options to a blood test" He concluded.

"They did blood tests" She informed, somewhat defensively but largely enquiring as to why he couldn't just use the information gathered from the samples taken upon her hospitalisation.

"Yes they did, I have the results right here. They were looking very specifically at what was causing her to react so badly. I want to look more broadly at potential environmental triggers to hopefully make your lives easier. I am also very curious about the mixed nature of her reaction, severe reactions are almost always immediate so it is strange she didn't react until –what would you say? Ten to twenty minutes after being vaccinated?" He questioned, diverging from the direction he had expected the discussion would take to seek more information.

"Yeah something like that, I don't know exactly. Sorry" Erin apologised, it had been fast enough in her opinion, that entire afternoon a blur in her memory. A painful blur.

"Well I've looked at the timeline, the doctor's appointment, the 911 call, arrival at the hospital and subsequent resuscitation and treatment. I spoke to Doctor Ward and Doctor Halstead…" Andy stopped, noting the effect his blunt deconstruction of the afternoon had on Ember's mother. Kelly shuffling his chair forward to place a hand on his wife's shoulder, even though he couldn't see her face he knew she needed the support. "I'm so sorry" The professor said gently, expressing his regret for his poor word choices, giving her as much time as she required to forcing the most vivid memories she had from her mind.

"I never want it to happen again, if that means tests then we do tests" Erin decided with a brave smile. "I don't want her exposed to anything though" She added, though the professor had ruled that out she wanted to make her wishes very clear. There was no way she would willingly put her baby at risk, no matter the potential for medical gain.

"The blood test I'm talking about is a IgE test, that's allergen-specific immunoglobulin E, IgE antibodies are unique to different allergens so we can assess Ember's degree of sensitisation to known allergens, the components of the vaccinations, and common allergens like pollen, mold, animal dander, dust mites, insect venom, foods and other medications. Sensitisation doesn't always correlate with future allergies but by conducting a mini-panel test we have a baseline to work from" He explained, doing his best to use terminology they would understand easily.

"That sounds good" She agreed.

"We can do that right now and I'll have results in seven to fourteen days" The professor said as he stood up, walking to the back of the room where he pumped hand sanitizer onto his hands, rubbing the strong smelling gel around then opening a cupboard to retrieve and retrieved the necessary equipment for the blood test. He pulled on purple nitrile gloves as he returned to his desk, inadvertently making eye contact with the fascinated toddler. "Actually first I forgot to ask about Shay, she doesn't have any allergies?"

"No" Erin answered instantly.

"She eats peanuts, eggs, milk and shellfish? Doesn't suffer from hay fever?" He prompted, hoping for a more considered answer, though on second thoughts he realised she would know if her child had an allergy. It also made sense of her concern if her older child was allergy free.

"We don't really eat shellfish, or she hasn't as far as I'm aware but yes to the other foods and no to hay fever" She elaborated for him, wary of the way he was attempting to multitask.

"I eats nuggets and ice cream" Shay informed, voice small since she wasn't sure speaking wasn't forfeiting those things.

"Mhm" Kelly smiled, kissing Shay on the head as he watched the specialist carefully. Purple fingers grasped Ember's ankle roughly, pulled off her sock, swabbed her heel with an alcohol wipe then pricked it with the lancet in rapid succession. Ember woke with a scream as her blood spilled into the vial but Erin was more concerned about Shay, turning to make eye contact with her husband for a split second before the toddler exploded with rage.

"STOP! NO STOP. YOU STOP HURTIN' MY BABY! STOP! PLEASE!" Shay begged, Kelly barely grabbing her around the middle as she sprang toward the desk, sending a stack of papers flying as she was drawn back to his chest.

"Shay she's okay, it's okay" Erin attempted to calm, her husband saying something similar that she couldn't quite hear as the toddler continued to plead desperately. The professor continued what he was doing as well, collecting blood despite the ruckus, not even looking up from the little foot in his grasp. It left Erin completely powerless, trapped in place holding Ember, the infant far less distressed than her big sister. Shay's screams echoed off the bare walls, as unnecessary as they were it was still hard for her parents to hear, the sound synonymous with pain and suffering.

"Come on" Erin could hear her husband say when Shay stopped for a second to suck in air. He adjusted his grip on her small, twisted body as he stood up, struggling to free a hand for the door. If anything Shay got worse once they left the room, screaming eventually replaced by the loudest crying he had ever heard from her. Kelly didn't know where he was going other than 'out' hoping that escaping the confines of the hospital would at the very least lessen the volume of her wailing. He soon found himself in a courtyard, dull grey walls melting into matching pavement, surrounding a raised central garden bed, overgrown with equally lacklustre shrubbery. After walking around the garden to ensure they were alone, Kelly concluded that it was safe to put Shay down; she was too tired to run, channelling her energy into whimpering and moaning.

"I HATE YOU!" Shay announced when her feet hit the pavement, where she had learned the strong word a complete mystery to him. It took Kelly by surprise and he barely felt her subsequent assault to his shins, anger resurfacing in kicks and punches. Kelly had barely released Shay before he was lifting her again.

"I love you" He corrected gently, holding her tightly despite her protests, rocking her from side to side. "I'm sorry but the doctor needed the blood, to make Emmy better" He tried to explain.

"Why?" Shay squeaked, grabbing a fistful of his shirt to wipe her eyes and nose, deciding to give him a chance to justify the blatant torture she had witnessed.

"Blood is made up of lots of little bits, and the doctor needs to take some of Emmy's blood so he can look at the bits. Her blood has different bits to ours and that's why she got sick and had to stay here at the hospital. Looking at the bits will stop that ever happening again so it's very important. You don't remember but you've had blood tests before, when you were little" He explained as best he could, hoping he wasn't teaching her the wrong thing or confusing her even more.

"I 'member gettin' pokes for lollies 'fore Emmy was my sister" Shay nodded, remembering her most recent series of vaccinations, before that she couldn't recall.

"Yeah, you had some needles to stop you getting sick" He encouraged, she seemed to have understood what he meant. At the very least the conversation was a distraction.

"Emmy-bear gotted pokes before she gotted sick you know…" Shay considered suspiciously, remembering that she had gotten angry at that doctor as well. She didn't mind receiving needles in exchange for lollies but her sister was too little for lollies so it wasn't fair.

"That's a bit different" He reasoned carefully.

"I stop cryin', hittin' and I real sorry" She apologised after a thoughtful pause, he had thought she was going to challenge his brief explanation of vaccinations, worried he wouldn't know how to answer her.

"Mmm" He acknowledged, still trying to think of a better way to explain it all.

"We go 'pointment now?" Shay requested, nuzzling against his neck in an attempt to persuade him that she was going to be better now.

"Nah, let's just wait here for Mummy" He smiled, looking around the frankly rather depressing space with faux wide eyed excitement. The last thing he wanted to do was cause another interruption to the appointment and he suspected Shay would easily be riled up again if the specialist so much as looked at Ember in a way she didn't like. As wrong as he felt about abandoning his wife he had to trust that she would be alright alone.

"I wanna go" Shay whined, stroking his cheek encouragingly.

"No" He shook his head, deciding to remain true to conclusion.

"Please. I sorry" She reminded, bottom lip making an appearance.

"Nope, do you want to walk on the edge? You like walking on the edge with Chase" He suggested, moving to stand her on the edge of the garden bed. Shay looked at him, shook off his hand then marched into the undergrowth, muttering to herself. Kelly shrugged, watching her disappear amongst the greenery, it wasn't doing her any harm so he let her go. After a moment he turned and sat on the edge, running his hand through his hair before noticing the marks on his arms. Tooth and claw marks from his baby girl turned overprotective beast covered both his arms, red but not painful or actively bleeding. He couldn't help but wonder if he was fit to be a father after all.

"Kelly?" An woman's voice questioned, forcing him to look up, it was the last person he expected to see.

"April" He returned, he would have recognised her anywhere. They weren't anywhere though, they were in the same Chicago Med courtyard at the same time after not seeing each other for years.

"What are you doing here?" April enquired with a small smile as astonished as he was at the chances of them meeting like this.

"I uh… specialist" He replied poorly, memories clouding his mind. "You work here?"

"Yeah, I'm a nurse. What are you doing?" April asked, not caring if the question was interpreted in respect to occupation or more generally.

"I'm a fireman" Kelly answered, looking over his shoulder, no sign of Shay.

"Followed in your daddy's footsteps after all" April concluded coldly, it was easy to see she held a grudge over something but Kelly was too focused on the word daddy to know what she meant immediately.

"Not…" He started when Shay decided to join the conversation, harsh dinosaur noises emanating from the garden.

"What is that?!" April questioned, grabbing his arm to pull him away, even if it was small it still sounded like it could be dangerous. Possibly some sort of injured animal.

"That's… actually that's my daughter" He answered confidently, moving to stand beside her, watching the garden for any signs of his little girl.

"You have a daughter?" She questioned, rather shocked.

"I have a dinosaur shaped like a two year old" He shrugged as the noises continued, on a good day better delivery would have her laughing at the comment but today had not been a good day.

"Congratulations, what's it like?" April enquired, spotting a little hand shaking a branch before there were sounds of stomping and roaring.

"Hmm?"

"Being a dad?" April clarified, pointing to the bushes.

"It's… tricky" He answered honestly.

"Dada?" Shay called suddenly, still undistinguishable from where they stood. If the garden had been tended in the last decade they probably would have been able to see her.

"You coming out?" He called back gently.

"You hurty me Dada!" Shay cried, sitting down where she stood to stare at her barely bruised wrist.

"I didn't, she's okay" He defended quickly, looking fearful as he turned to April. He knew she was already judging what he was like as a parent and he needed to make it very clear that he hadn't hurt his child.

"Don't worry, I know you wouldn't hurt a kid" April comforted, surprised to see him looking so stressed. "How old is she?"

"Two" He supplied, anxious expression remaining as he looked into the distance.

"What's her name?" April continued still trying to come to terms with the fact he had a child. He certainly looked like he'd changed since high school and for his daughter's sake she hoped he had.

"Shay" He smiled.

"Not bad" She delivered her verdict.

"We named her after a friend, a colleague who was killed… My best friend" He explained, he wasn't sure there was anything he had such mixed feelings about. Shay was such a blessing, arguably the best thing that had ever happened to him, but losing her namesake had been the absolute worst moment of his life.

"Oh, that's a good way to remember someone. I'm sorry" April nodded gently, it was his choice to disclose the information so she didn't feel bad about asking, just sad that he had lost a friend. She wondered if she still counted as a friend, at one point he would have called her his best friend.

"Daddy. I will come out and not tell Mama you hurted me if I still have McDonalds afternoon tea" Shay declared, the mention of her name got her thinking and she had just finished formulating her demands.

"Is she blackmailing you? I thought you said she was two" April laughed.

"Alright Shay, but I didn't hurt you. You hurt yourself by being silly" He agreed, knowing he would have given in just as easily without the company of a former classmate.

"I already sorried for that" Shay shrugged as she emerged from the garden, raising her arms once she reached the edge to be picked up by her father. Kelly was quick to comply, dusting her off and picking the leaves from her hair before turning back to April.

"Shay, this is April one of my friends from a long time ago" He introduced hesitantly.

"Hello" Shay smiled, opening and closing her hand to wave at the stranger. Kelly's phone started to ring before the toddler could say anymore and April could respond.

"Can you?" He questioned, setting Shay down on the edge of the garden bed as he tried to get his phone out of his pocket. April's nod meant she understood and he moved away before taking the call.

"Hello Shay" April greeted, keeping her distance as she approached the toddler, taking a seat on the edge of the garden a little way away from her.

"You doctor?" Shay demanded, noticing the blue scrubs and instantly becoming wary.

"No, I'm not a doctor I'm a nurse" April answered cheerfully.

"Umkay" Shay accepted, she didn't look like an immediate threat so Shay moved a bit closer then sat down, dangling her legs.

"So… what's your favourite colour?" April attempted, struck by a sudden inability to strike up conversation. It wasn't a difficulty she usually had as a nurse.

"Rainbows" Shay answered after considering the question for a moment. She like purple and pink and Elsa's ice dress blue, fire engine red, yellow like the sand in her sandpit, green like leaves and grass, all the colours found in a rainbow.

"Fair enough" April agreed, quickly coming to the conclusion that this was no ordinary toddler.

"You?" Shay posed.

"I like blue" April answered, pointing up to the clear blue sky far above them.

"Blue fish my book I read" Shay shared, making her hand swim like a fish then paddling her arms the way she did when she tried to move through the water.

"You can read?" April enquired, further evidence.

"Yeah. I read my Mama and Emmy" Shay confirmed, she could only 'read' one book but that still counted as reading as far as she was concerned.

"That's cool, your mama must be nice" April stated inquiringly, very curious to know more about Kelly's family, specifically the wife his ring indicated he had.

"She real nice 'cept she don't give me ice cream like Daddy. Mama gets sad 'cause she nots allowed to eat ice creams… It gets in her boobies and makes Emmy sick because of the milks. Emmy is my baby and she gets sick sometimes, I don't like it" Shay finished sadly, looking up at the building surrounding them. Ember was in there somewhere with that mean doctor.

"Oh, I think I know your mama" April realised as she thought back to the woman she had found a chair for.

"Sorry about that" Kelly apologised as he returned, picking Shay up as April stood.

"It's fine. Shay and I were talking and I actually think I've met your wife. A while back when she brought a baby in, Emmy I'm guessing, she said Severide but I didn't realise you'd have a family already" April explained, hoping she had linked the clues correctly.

"Well you'll know in a few minutes if you hang around" Kelly nodded. "Mama's gonna come get us" He informed Shay, rubbing at her knee to try to get rid of a soil stain.

"With Emmy?" Shay demanded.

"Yeah, Emmy's all finished with the doctor, he says she's going to be okay" He nodded, smiling with her.

"Yay!" Shay clapped before using his shirt as a handle to climb up and kiss his cheek.

"That's good news" April added with a smile, it hadn't taken too long but she'd made up her mind. He was a good father.

"Very. Emmy has a really bad allergy, or allergies, that's what the specialist's for" He explained, not sure if it was the fact that she was a nurse that made it so easy to tell her things.

"Mama!" Shay squealed a moment later, pointing to one of the four glass doors around the sides of the courtyard.

"That was quick. I should go…" April commented, she recognised the woman and that was all she had wanted to know.

"Oh, can't I just introduce you? It won't take a minute" Kelly requested, releasing the toddler so she could run over and greet her mother, and more importantly her little sister.

"Alright" April agreed, smiling as she stood beside him to wait.

"Erin, this is April. We went to school together" Kelly introduced when his wife neared, giving him a questioning look before she returned the pretty nurse's smile.

"Nice to meet you" Erin smiled, hoping April would understand that her hands were full. Ember slept in one arm while Shay sat on the opposite hip, reaching across to hold her sister's hand.

"You probably don't…" April started to explain.

"I do and thanks but that doesn't really count as meeting you" Erin nodded, knowing exactly what she was going to say. The memory might be a blur but she had been trained not to forget a face.

"True, Kel was just saying that Emmy is okay, that's great" April congratulated politely.

"Yeah it really is" Erin smiled, laughing internally. 'Kel', really?

"I can't imagine" April continued sympathetically, placing a comforting hand on Kelly's shoulder as she maintained eye contact with his wife.

"Daddy it 'Donalds time?" Shay demanded, no idea how desperate her father was for some form of distraction for the two women.

"Yeah, good idea! It was lovely to see you April" He summarised enthusiastically.

"You too, and to meet your little family" April agreed, emphasising the word little almost too much. She threw a challenging look in Erin's direction then pulled Kelly into a very tight hug, he had no choice but to return it. Stepping back the moment he was released.

"Bye" He concluded quickly, Erin had already started to walk away so he moved quickly to catch up with her. Placing his hand on her back as they walked together through the glass doors and into the building. April stood to watch them go before remembering to continue her journey to the cafeteria. The Severides too were in search of food. For once Erin didn't mind not driving, relaxing in the passenger seat as her husband drove them in the direction of the nearest McDonalds. It wasn't until they pulled up out the front that she identified a number of potential threats, grubby looking children playing on the playground. One in particular, a boy, picking his nose then chasing a girl with the finger he used.

"Can we use through the drive-through?" Erin requested, looking seriously at her husband.

"Why? Don't you want to go in?" He questioned, he didn't really mind but with the colourful playground in sight it would be difficult not to let Shay play.

"I think we should eat at the park near home, more fresh air" She suggested, finding the toddler's eyes through the rear view mirror.

"But Mama I want McDonalds" Shay complained, already upset to have her treat taken away from her when they were so close.

"Yeah we'll get some food then go to the park, wouldn't that be special?" She asked, trying to motivate Shay to agree.

"I wanna play but" Shay whined, wondering if this was punishment for not really doing what she had been asked and getting expelled from the doctor's office.

"We can play at the park" Erin assured.

"But I wanna play tunnel-slide" Shay pressed, pointing to the enclosed slide that she loved going down, it was just like the one at the indoor playcenter.

"What about the swings? They don't have swings here and swings are your favourite!" She reminded excitedly, nodding to her husband.

"Yeah, the drive through is a car tunnel anyway" Kelly reasoned. "I'll push you a hundred times" He added when he wasn't sure he'd done enough to convince her.

"Really?" Shay requested, not quite sure she wasn't being tricked out of what she actually wanted to do.

"Promise" He agreed definitely.

"Umkay" Shay conceded, she liked the park and as long as she was still getting her snack she didn't mind. As they pulled into the drive-through the colourful boards reminded Shay of exactly what she wanted. "I wants nuggets and ice creams and um… that pony with the rainbow" She declared, assuming he could see what she could. It was the most difficult McDonalds order he had ever performed, ensuring Shay got the pony she wanted and negotiating carefully for correctly shaped nuggets. Then there was the fancy decaf, soy milk latte his wife wanted along with a cheese-less cheeseburger. His order was simple, burger, fries and a drink then they had to negotiate ice creams, Shay wanted the biggest most colourful variety but had to settle for the plain cone he ordered, along with the last minute request for a hot apple pie from his wife. They seemed to pay for their complicated order by waiting forever, when they finally did get their food Shay's toy was missing, forcing them to go around the block since he'd already driven off. Kelly went in and got the pony called 'Daydream' not 'the one with the rainbow on its ass' as he referred to it in his hurry. Shay was munching away on his fries by the time he returned, leaving greasy smears on the window when she waved at him. Getting to the park was no hassle and in no time they were sitting under a tree enjoying their meal. "This real goodly" Shay smiled as she mashed her boot shaped nugget into the ice cream she had been told she wasn't allowed yet.

"Yeah it is greasy monkey" Erin teased, offering the toddler a napkin instead of telling her off.

"I play?" Shay asked as she stuffed the entire nugget into her mouth, chewing messily.

"Keep eating" Erin encourage, pointing to her closed lips as she ate one of her husband's fries.

"I all fulled up" Shay declared when she finally managed to swallow it all.

"One more and then you can have your ice cream" Erin reminded, holding up the last nugget for the toddler.

"I want play but" Shay shook her head, pushing away the hand that held the nugget.

"Your ice cream will melt" Kelly warned, only now feeling the need to join the conversation, previously too focused on eating the few fries he had left before his wife or daughter could.

"I drinks it?" Shay reasoned. "Pleaseeee"

"Okay, go play. Wave to me from the top of the slide" Erin agreed, deciding to eat the nugget since she held it anyway. Shay ran off the moment she knew she could, looking forward to having the entire playground to herself.

"So?" Kelly enquired generally.

"So?" Erin repeated, wanting him to be more specific. They could discuss any number of things.

"How'd the appointment go?"

"You were there" She reminded, wondering if he realised he hadn't had to take Shay out until they were two thirds of the way through the appointment.

"When I wasn't?" He groaned, eyes asking her to be serious.

"Andy was great, really caring. He explained everything and we talked about delaying her vaccinations, she shouldn't be allergic to any of the others but I don't see the point really. She's hardly going to get Polio… I don't want to vaccinate her at all. It's our choice but I don't want to risk it" Erin said, sharing her decision not asking his opinion. "We can talk about it again when she's older" She added.

"What about Measles? There was an outbreak on the news just the other day" He questioned, not sure that avoiding all vaccinations was actually the best decision.

"We just have to make sure the people around her are vaccinated, and not expose her to unvaccinated children – Gross, sick kids like the ones on the McDonalds playground. It also means she can't go to daycare but that doesn't matter for us…" She reasoned.

"Okay, I agree, we'll keep her safe" He nodded, they could always revisit the subject at a later date, for now he just wanted his wife to be able to relax.

"You'll need to talk to the guys at the firehouse about booster shots" She requested after smiling at him for a moment, glad that he understood.

"I will" he confirmed.

"I'll talk to Chase" She added though she knew it wouldn't be hard to get the young man to agree. If it protected his little sister he would make the appointment as soon as he could.

"What's going on with him?" Kelly questioned now that they were on the topic of their adult son, feeling out of the loop not to know why Chase was acting so strangely.

"He hasn't seen Nadia since she started working. Did I tell you that her partner, Watson, is the cop who held Emmy when I punched that guy in the park? The one who yelled at me for breastfeeding" She shared, having called Kevin the moment Nadia had told her her partners name. As expected the Intelligence Unit had already conducted a background check on the guy, sending a digital copy of his records to her phone so she could read up on him.

"Is he a good cop?" He asked.

"Young, not much more experienced that Nadia but I think he'll be good" She answered, he had probably grown a little since she last saw him but he would still be considered green until he had a few years worth of on the job experience.

"You didn't happen to speak highly of this guy in front of Chase did you?" Kelly pondered.

"Yeah… why?" She enquired, failing to see the link.

"He probably thinks Nadia likes what's-his-name" He explained, tone suggesting that was the most obvious thing to think.

"Watson's her partner! She's just busy" Erin defended, again failing to see why women should have to avoid male friends.

"Tell the kid that when we get home" He requested.

"Fine"

"Talking relationships I'm sorry about April" He took the chance to apologise, knowing it had been a tense and awkward encounter.

"Doesn't bother me" She shrugged, looking away from him to check on Shay.

"Sure" He accepted sceptically.

"I'm serious, you're going to have to try harder if you want me to be as jealous as you were of Mike" She informed.

"That's not what it was about, we didn't even go out. April was just a friend" He rushed to defend.

"Sure. Hate to break it to you honey but I think she wants to be more than friends with you" Erin teased, throwing his own words back at him.

"Shut up" Kelly dismissed, loudly scrunching up the packaging littered between them.

"You love me" She reminded, rocking Ember's car seat to keep her asleep.

"I do, that's why I wanted to be honest with you" He explained.

"Aha" She smiled.

"The girls are both going to want to sleep when we get home" He suggested, feigning an innocent motive for the reminder. His logic intrigued her, they had argued over Mike before making up, there was no conflict over April but he almost seemed to want there to be. It wasn't hard to understand.

**I think that was better. Anyway the main reason I edited/extended this instead of just moving on to the next chapter is because I want their anniversary to begin in chapter 150 (my OCD writer tendencies require significant things to happen in significant chapters... I know I'm weird, not going to apologise for that though). I have lot to get through so the next update will be another big one. It won't be tomorrow though because I'm going to the city to celebrate my little sister's birthday with a bunch of family and it'll likely be a whole day thing when you factor in the 6 hours in the car… Good thing I like driving! I'm rambling and I just realised that when I say tomorrow I actually mean today because it's 1am… Soooo I'm going to go to sleep now! **


	149. Chapter 149

**Long AN followed by my longest chapter ****ever****! You know how crazy I am... sorry it took so long but this is at least 3 chapters worth (knowing me I would have stretched it out over four or five if I wasn't so determined to have Chapter 150 be their anniversary). I also have some really awful blisters on my fingers at the moment which make typing rather difficult so that didn't help me get this up any faster. I've divided it into three sections for your convenience, you still might want to make a cup of tea or find somewhere comfortable to sit. Or even better you could savour this in three sittings as I work on their anniversary over the next few days (it will be multiple smaller chapters not one massive one so it shouldn't take me quite as long to update). I do so hope you enjoy this :D **

"Hello?" Erin questioned, looking back up at the road after pressing the little phone icon on the steering wheel with her left thumb. It had taken her a moment to work out why the music had suddenly stopped and another to find the button that would accept the incoming call. Shay had been halfway through a sing-along rendition of 'Let it Go' and grumbled when she was then suddenly shushed.

"Morning" Kelly greeted gleefully, flopping back into the recliner at the end of the squad table, resting his feet on the sacred wooden surface.

"Daddy!" Shay cheered when she instantly recognised the voice filling the car, ignoring her mother's request for quiet and completely forgetting that she had been singing.

"Good morning princess. Are you driving?" He asked his wife after returning his daughter's greeting.

"Yeah" Erin answered.

"We goin' library Daddy!" Shay explained loudly, since she wasn't holding the phone she didn't know where to direct her voice, increasing her volume was the only logical thing to do.

"That'll be fun. I can call back later if I'm distracting you" He reasoned gently, surprised she had taken the call in the first place. The loss of confidence following her car accident meant she had always been sure to disable the Bluetooth capabilities of her phone, something she had forgotten after transferring photos to her laptop earlier that morning.

"I can drive and talk at the same time" She defended, certain Shay would fill any gaps in the conversation if she paused to concentrate.

"Okay" He accepted, the last thing he wanted to do was convey a lack of trust or confidence in her driving abilities. As strong and certain as she appeared he knew her insecurities pervaded her self-confidence.

"How was your night?" She enquired, deciding to get the conversation started promptly now that she had agreed to it. She appreciated that he had given her the opportunity to opt-out without bias toward either option.

"Not too bad, which way are you going?" He asked almost urgently now that he was thinking about his shift so far.

"The same way I always go, why?"

"Good, you might want to avoid Clive Bronson Bridge" He suggested, making it very clear that something serious had taken place. Erin hadn't had a chance to watch the news and suddenly felt very out of touch with the world, or even just her city.

"What happened?" She questioned curiously, it wasn't too much of a concern given she had never taken that particular route and would likely get lost if she tried.

"A car went for a swim" He informed, mindful of the fact his two year old daughter was listening in.

"Swimmy fishy Daddy!" Shay contributed excitedly, clapping her hands as she pictured a car swimming in the river.

"Yeah Daddy went for a swim too, in the river" He added, it wasn't nearly as much fun as she thought it was. Water rescues in training had been his favourite but the extreme time constraints made the real life situations some of the most challenging and physically demanding in his line of work. His shoulder was still sore from levering the seatbelt bracket from the inside roof of the car to free the fully submerged, trapped driver.

"How do you even drive off a bridge?" Erin asked aloud, still baffled by the concept.

"Intentionally… most dramatic suicide attempt I've ever seen. Struggling actor" He answered easily, having listened to the police questioning the man he had fished from the river in the back of the ambulance. Remaining on the scene until the truck team had roped off the bridge, which would be closed until the section of railing could be replaced.

"Daddy what books you wantin'? Fishy ones?" Shay requested before her mother had a chance to acknowledge that indeed it would be easy to drive off a bridge intentionally.

"Whatever you want Shay, I liked the ones you got with dinosaurs" He recalled, she had borrowed an entire series, each book had a different dinosaur protagonist and a dinosaur appropriate complication to resolve. They were written specifically for educational purposes to teach children not only about dinosaurs but about appropriate social conduct as well.

"I think we've read all the dinosaur books" Erin informed, not sure that there were any more picture books about dinosaurs in the section that corresponded with Shay's literacy level. There would certainly be more in the next section but if Shay was interested in reading she didn't want to scare her off by reading books with double or triple the amount of text on each page.

"All of them?" Kelly asked, surprised and then disappointed in the library for not having a broad enough reading range on a topic his child enjoyed.

"I does lots of readin' Daddy" Shay justified keenly.

"I know you do princess, how about... why don't you see if you can find a book with a sandpit in it" He proposed as a challenge, finding something else she had expressed a great interest in recently.

"Yeah!" Shay agreed excitedly, now very much looking forward to scouring the library for a book featuring a sandpit.

"What are your plans for the rest of the morning? You coming here for lunch?" He asked, finding it difficult to hold a conversation with both of them at once, he wanted to talk to them about different things.

"We'll probably get lunch in the city, I have some shopping to do" Erin informed, glad for the brief gap in conversation while merging in the impatient early morning traffic.

"I thought we were going shopping together tomorrow" Kelly reminded, just in case she was so busy she had somehow forgotten. They had had so much going on he would totally understand if it had slipped her mind.

"Well the photographer called to confirm the session tomorrow afternoon, which I completely forgot about and you didn't remind me…" Erin trailed off, there was no real cause to blame him.

"How was I supposed to remember?" He defended lightly.

"Anyway… She wants us in white so I need to hit up a Target after we go to the library" She explained, remembering clearly the face she had pulled when the photographer recommended they dress in white and denim.

"I already have white, so do you, and the girls. I'm pretty sure Chase does as well" He listed slowly, he didn't know his way around the girl's wardrobes the way she did but he did recall them both having at least one plain white shirt.

"One white shirt each isn't going to be enough, we need back up and back up to the back up... Have you met our daughters?" She pressed to make her point, they would be lucky to get out of the house without a major staining incident. As evidenced by her need to change rapidly before Nadia's graduation.

"Once or twice" He joined in, laughing softly as he began to understand what she meant, looking down at the coffee stain decorating the chest of his easy to launder navy shirt. Perhaps it was genetic.

"Daddy!" Shay squealed all of a sudden.

"What's up princess?" He questioned enthusiastically.

"Did ya know twice means two?" Shay demanded, sharing her most recent discovery exuberantly.

"I did, but how do you know that?" He returned, knowing it was wrong to feel sad when she proved just how big she was getting; going on two and a half when it felt like only yesterday she had been their delicate premature baby.

"Mama saided she wasn't gonna tell me twice… And she didn't!" Shay gasped, caught by the thrill of sharing something new.

"No instead I told you what I meant and then you put your shoes on like a good girl" Erin imputed for the benefit of both, it gave Kelly context and reinforced Shay's understanding that being asked once was enough.

"Mama feeded Emmy twice this mornin' and I sneezed twice and I watched 'toons twice" Shay listed animatedly.

"Ah… very good" He nodded, struggling to know if he should burst her bubble and correct her for the misuse of her new favourite word.

"You watched two cartoons you didn't watch cartoons twice" Erin interjected before her husband missed the opportunity to teach Shay to use the word properly.

"No, Dora and Beavers that's twice" Shay disagreed, holding up her fingers for her mother to see.

"Not quite, that's two" She corrected, stalling as she thought of the best way to explain the idea to her.

"Why?" Shay demanded frustratedly.

"Hey Shay, Chase wants to say good morning" Kelly interrupted, leaving the two versus twice discussion for a later date as the young man waved his hands and smiled madly to indicate his interest in speaking with his sister.

"Umkay" Shay nodded though the phone was already in the process of changing hands.

"Good morning pretty princess" Chase greeted when he positioned the phone between his ear and shoulder, hands busy using his own phone to text his girlfriend at the same time.

"Mornin' Chasey" Shay sang in reply.

"Good morning Chase" Erin supplied, although she mightn't classify as a 'pretty princess' it was important to let him know that he wasn't just speaking to the toddler.

"Am I on speaker?" Chase enquired, surprised by the third voice.

"We're in the car" Erin informed, trying to sound calm while struggling not to have a bout of road rage directed at the driver of the car in front, speeding and weaving excessively in the two lanes of congested traffic.

"Are you good to drive and talk like this?" Chase asked simply because she had never done it before.

"Yes. I can drive and shoot too" She confirmed, just a little tersely given both men had felt the need to ask. If she didn't think she could do it she wouldn't have answered the phone in the first place.

"Mama what is shoot?" Shay enquired, fingers dancing along the windowsill to distract herself from the teenager pulling faces at her from the car next to them.

"How are you Chase?" Erin redirected, avoiding explaining guns to her two year old seemed like the smarter choice.

"Good. Shay guess what Pouch did this morning" He paused to build tension, the toddler had recently learned that he wasn't actually asking her to figure it out on next to no information.

"What?" Shay replied quickly.

"She stole three sausages!" He informed, the mischievous canine would probably have accumulated that in contributions from her firehouse of owners on a normal day but her enterprising nature had her exiled from the kitchen for as long as they remembered.

"Oh! Naughty-smarty Pouch" Shay giggled, torn between recognising that as bad behaviour or simply intelligence.

"She said you told her to do it…" Chase informed to tease her.

"No! I didn't… I telled her to snuggle cuddle you when you sleepin'… Did she do that?" Shay enquired, quick to dismiss any role in the wrongdoing by drawing his attention to an act of kindness instead.

"She slept under my bed last night" He agreed.

"Pouchy loves Chasey" Shay beamed, holding her head in her hands as she gave a dreamy sigh.

"I don't know, she gassed us… we had to evacuate" Chase continued, starting to think that Pouch had outdone herself so far that shift and that he should be cautious in the future.

"What that?" Shay questioned, confused by the lack of information.

"She did a big stinky" He supplied in terminology he knew the toddler would understand.

"Yucky!" She said, giggling automatically nonetheless.

"Mhmm" He agreed.

"Can I talk to Kelly again Chase?" Erin requested as she turned into the library car park, surprisingly full given the time of day.

"Sure thing, have a great day girls!" Chase farewelled, waiting to catch Shay's drawn out response before handing the phone back to his boss. Failing to supress an apologetic look when the older man took the device with his left hand, Chase blaming himself for acting like a rookie during their water rescue and forcing Severide to do all the hard work. Injuring himself in the process.

"Byeee"

"Hey" Kelly said just to inform them that he was back on the line.

"We're in the car park, have a nice day and don't get hurt… I don't want you looking damaged in my photos" Erin rationalised playfully.

"Good to know you've got your priorities straight. Have a nice day. Shay be good for Mama. Emmy-bear I know you're probably asleep but give Mama a smile for me when you wake up. I love you all" He concluded, picturing each of his beautiful girls in turn.

"Don't you want anything from me?" Erin enquired, not particularly bothered either way.

"Erin relax and have fun with the girls, don't spend all our money on clothes that will never stay white… but do feel free to buy something lacy for next weekend" He encouraged, ignoring Chase's brief look of horror, it was his own fault for listening in on the conversation.

"What is lacy?" Shay questioned, Chase wasn't alone but at least Shay didn't understand what their parents were discussing.

"Uh…Pretty girly stuff princess" Kelly supplied, neither lying nor providing a serious answer to the question.

"I want lacy Mama!" Shay demanded, always seeking to be a fashionable little princess.

"Me too" He agreed, nodding eagerly.

"Say good bye Shay" Erin instructed, not even trying to keep the amusement from her voice. His growing excitement for their anniversary was rather flattering though she suspected it was more to do with his plans than because they had been married for an entire year.

"Bye-bye Daddy! I love you" Shay rushed to say, waving frantically with both hands.

"Love you too Shay" He added quickly.

"Emmy says goodbye too, love you babe, stay safe" Erin finished as she applied the brakes to complete an expert reverse park in the closest and smallest of the three available car spaces. It was somewhat difficult not to stare at their baby every time she looked in the rear view mirror.

"Sure thing, love you, bye" He concluded, not surprised to hear the beep of the line disconnecting only a second later. Erin hadn't intentionally ended the call so quickly but didn't realise removing the key from the ignition would terminate the call. They had ended it anyway so she shrugged and got on with what she was doing. Shay had undone her seatbelt and was fussing over her little sister, only waking up because her big sister was poking her cheeks. Erin grabbed Shay's library bag and their reorganised and much lighter diaper from the back then buckled the baby carrier on as she returned to the door on Ember's side. Once the baby was in the baby carrier Shay jumped out of the car and claimed her library bag. They held hands until they reached the front entrance then Shay ran ahead to return her books, struggling on her tiptoes to feed them into the slot one by one. One of the librarians thanked her then she skipped off to the children's section. Erin followed along, talking softly to Ember and wondering how on earth she was going to help Shay find a book featuring a sandpit.

"Shay, I'm just going to go over to that computer, stay here and keep looking" Erin encouraged when the toddler had made it to the 'H' section with no luck, taking her time to check every single book. She hadn't used a library computer to find a book since high school and wasn't sure what search terms to use, that became a less urgent issue when a woman approaching the same computer accelerated to get there first. Erin was happy to play with Ember while she waited, the alert baby turning her head to look around at their surroundings. It would only be another month or so before she was able to support her head enough to face outward and observe their world more easily. As fun as it was to play with Ember the woman on the computer seemed to be taking forever and the way she then started coughing was enough to get Erin to abandon the idea. Instead she returned to Shay's side, helping her pull out books and look through them quickly, any books that distracted Shay from her search were set aside for borrowing. Two little boys, not much older than Shay, arrived and were soon helping her look, their mother leaving them to find books for herself.

"SANDPIT MAMA!" Shay screeched when she finally found a book with a sandpit on the front. "Oops!" She gasped when she realised how loud she had been in celebrating her success. "I sorry Library" She apologised in a whisper before handing the book to her mother.

"Sandy Andy" Erin read the title, flicking through the colourful pages before adding the book to the stack she already held. "Good job, you happy with these?"

"Yeah" Shay nodded, happy to have met her father's challenge but slightly disappointed for the fun of the search to end.

"Time to go then, say goodbye to your friends" Erin instructed, even with sandpit quest the library visit had taken the same amount of time as it usually did.

"Bye-bye" Shay called softly to the boys, Erin had decided they had to be twins, waving when they turned synchronously to respond.

"Bye" Both boys rushed to reply, clearly trying to compete with each other they then started shoving each other. Erin took Shay's hand and led her away before she was left to break up a fist fight between the pair. Shay found her library card in the zipped pocket of her library bag, checking the book she was borrowing as her mother put them on the desk one by one. Shay usually liked to use the self-serve borrowing station but Erin didn't want to have to lift Shay since she was already wearing Ember.

"Sandpit huh?" The librarian asked the little girl as she took the card and scanned it.

"I sorry, I please have them ones?" Shay questioned, hoping her rule breaking didn't result in a loss of borrowing privileges.

"Of course you can borrow these. We have a book about sand sculpting, building sandcastles, if you're interested" The librarian smiled as he started to scan the books.

"Yes" Shay answered with a nod, not really sure what had been said except that there was a book about sandcastles.

"We can put these aside for now, come with me" The librarian instructed after seeking Erin's approval with a questioning look. Shay did the same, looking up at her mother before following the stranger. Erin trailed them through to the non-fiction section where the librarian quickly located two books, one featuring photos of sand sculptures, varying from traditional sandcastles to movie characters, and another with pages of instructions on how to achieve such results.

"I borrow?" Shay asked as she looked at the books she had been handed. "Please."

"Absolutely" The librarian laughed before starting back to the desk, Erin had to place a hand on the top of Shay's head to steer her as she lost herself in the book. She only surrendered it when it had to be scanned for borrowing. An awful beep suggested something had gone wrong. "Oh, you're only on a junior card. How old are you?"

"Two" Shay answered, holding up her fingers proudly.

"Ah..." The librarian realised, looking at the stack of books that had already been scanned.

"She's only allowed six books at a time" Erin informed, apparently more familiar with the library policies than the employee before her. That or he was terrible at judging age, she thought it was pretty clear that Shay, knee high next to the librarian, wasn't yet eligible for a children's card.

"Yeah, sorry" The librarian nodded, adjusting his glasses as he pondered the dilemma.

"You can put one of these back for next time if you want both of those" Erin explained to Shay, who was standing on her tiptoes just to see across the desk, bottom lip large to exaggerate a sad and confused look. Personally she thought that the instruction book would be useless to the toddler, page after page on sand moisture levels and other inapplicable information.

"Um…" Shay mumbled as her mother slid the books towards her so she could choose which one to put back, pointing to the top one as a silent suggestion. The toddler was clearly going to take a while to come to a conclusion on the matter, all she knew for certain was that the sandcastle book and 'Sandy Andy' were definitely coming home with them.

"Don't worry, I'll put you on a children's card" The librarian proposed as the simplest solution. "You'll have to sign the agreement again" He added to Erin as he pulled out a new membership application form.

"Is that allowed though? Doesn't she have to be five?" Erin questioned, recalling their very first outing to the library and her surprise at learning that a two year old could get their own library card in the first place.

"I'll sign off on it, she's never had an overdue book" The librarian justified with a shrug as he slid the form and pen across the desk. Erin smiled at Shay, who had retracted her lip and now looked hopeful, then filled out the form as quickly as she could while maintaining some legibility. The new card was ready in no time and the librarian rescanned all the books before handing Shay her new card, making sure she didn't see him cutting up the old one. Erin helped Shay put the books into her library bag then thanked the librarian before following her daughter.

"Do you want me to carry them Shay?" She asked as the toddler dragged the bag over the lip of the front doors. Shay didn't normally carry her own library bag so having her carry it when she had more books than ever before was a rude shock.

"I do it" Shay complained as she hefted the bag up over her shoulder, desperate to prove that she didn't require assistance. Not half an hour later she was again attempting to prove herself, this time by taking charge of the shopping trolley. Despite being too short to see where she was going Shay was doing quite well, her mother's hand guiding the trolley unbeknownst to the toddler.

"Okay, stop there for me" Erin requested when they reached their first stop, the baby clothes section.

"I no want to" Shay groaned as she stopped for a moment then attempted to continue, without her mother's assistance she ran straight into the clothes rack.

"Please, you can push again in a minute" She reasoned. "We need to buy some clothes for Emmy" She enthused, hopeful the toddler wouldn't be able to resist the chance to be helpful.

"For Emmy?" Shay questioned as she released the trolley, leaving it behind as she looked at all the tiny clothes along the aisle.

"Yeah, would you like to help me pick?" She asked as she lifted the toddler to her hip, checking over her shoulder to see that Ember was still sleeping, wrapped in her blanket and buckled into the seat on the front of the trolley.

"I pick this" Shay decided immediately, pointing to a dress, shiny sparkling blue fabric on top with a puffy rainbow tulle skirt. The complete opposite of what they were looking for but an obvious choice for the toddler who loved bright colours.

"It has to be white, like this one, do you like this one?" Erin explained as she held up a simple white dress, cotton with flowers embroidered around the hem.

"Why?" Shay demanded, reaching forward to grab for the hanger of the dress she wanted her sister to wear, she actually wanted to wear it herself but it didn't come in her size.

"Because those are the rules" She justified, offering up a second option.

"What rules?" Shay requested, certain her mother was making that up just to restrict her choices to boring white.

"The photographer's rules. You know how you like to take photos on my phone?" Erin questioned, deciding that now was as good a time as any to explain to her daughter what would be happening the next day.

"Mmm" Shay nodded.

"Well tomorrow we're going to go visit a person whose job is to take special photos with a proper camera…" She continued.

"With Chasey?" Shay enquired urgently, she didn't have any nice photos of her brother, he seemed to always end up taking the pictures instead of posing for them.

"Yeah, they're family photos, you and me and Daddy, Chase and Emmy. The rules are that ee all have to wear white and denim, like your overalls."

"I wear my oberalls?" Shay smiled, if Chase was going to be coming she didn't want to wear a puffy rainbow dress, Chase would never wear one but he might wear overalls if they made them big enough. He wore his fleecy footed pyjamas which were kind of like overalls with sleeves.

"Maybe, we'll look at clothes for you in a minute, right now we're looking for Emmy" Erin reminded, placing both the dresses back before turning back to the trolley and her baby. In the short time it had taken her to explain the photograph session to Shay an elderly woman had approached their trolley, standing there stroking Ember's cheeks affectionately. "Don't touch her" She demanded harshly, anger surging within as she stormed back to the end of the aisle. As tempted as she was to shove the woman away from her baby her presence and tone were enough for the woman to step back, startled.

"She looks like my granddaughter" The woman justified. Erin knew that it had been completely innocent but she still felt unsettled by strange woman's proximity to her vulnerable baby. It was her own fault for leaving Ember but anger continued to motivate her, guilt would come into play later when she was reflecting on the situation.

"Please don't touch her" Erin repeated more calmly as she started to steer the trolley away, down the next aisle.

"I'm sorry" The woman apologised gently but Erin kept moving away, Shay poking her tongue out as she looked over her mother's shoulder. Very glad her mother had defended her little sister, saving her the trouble and another sore throat. It turned out the aisle they were now in was the one they wanted anyway, jeans designed for baby boys far more likely to fit her chubby daughter. Along with half a dozen, bright white onesies, long and short sleeved, Ember was set. Manoeuvring the trolley through the narrow aisles was difficult but Erin refused to leave it at the end ever again. Shay didn't like to stand still while her mother held clothes up against her and downright refused to wear the denim skirt her mother added to the trolley, tossing it out at every chance she got. She had however decided that standing up in the trolley while her mother pushed was far more fun, as long as her mother followed her instructions exactly and didn't stop suddenly.

"Which one for Chase? Collar or buttons?" Erin asked, seeking the toddlers opinion since she didn't have one either way.

"Them one" Shay pointed, choosing the stark white polo shirt for her brother, he normally wore striped polo shirts so it was a style she was familiar with.

"Buttons for Daddy then" She concluded as she dropped two shirts into the trolley.

"No them one" Shay complained, handing back the short sleeved button down which Erin had to admit would look rather strange on her muscular husband.

"They can't wear the same shirt" She shook her head, looking at the options again, there were plain white undershirts but otherwise they were the only white shirts in the entire men's section.

"Why?" Shay demanded, her father and brother owned a few of the same shirts already and laughed if they found themselves wearing the same one on the same day.

"I'll get them one of each and they can decide. Then we can go" Erin decided as she added another two shirts to the trolley, double checking that the tags corresponded with the sizes marked on the hanger.

"What about lacy Mama? I wanna be pretty princess" Shay requested with her softest ladylike smile.

"Daddy was being silly sweetie, they don't make those sort of lacy things for little girls" She explained carefully, mentally thanking her husband for forcing her to have this conversation with their two year old.

"That no fair" Shay grumbled, arranging their purchases to cushion the bottom of the trolley when she sat down.

"Yes it is, trust me sweetheart, you wouldn't like it anyway. It's not the most comfortable and you can't wear it in the sandpit" Erin explained as they made their way out of the menswear section.

"I no like lacy" Shay huffed as she lay back, the seat where Ember slept shaded her from the fluorescent lights above.

"Exactly, but Mama does need a new shirt…and maybe some jeans" Erin remembered, she didn't really need more clothes but it wouldn't hurt to get some that actually fit.

"Then we visit Daddy, Chasey and show them all these whites?" Shay asked as she pulled a large white shirt up over herself.

"We'll see" Erin agreed as she found herself in the maternity section automatically. It took her almost half an hour to decide that jeans with an elasticated waistband were practical not a cop out. In which time she found three nice white shirts and a new nursing bra. With both girls asleep in the trolley she didn't feel bad about buying more than just the white clothes they had come for. She did look for a moment at the lacier underwear options but quickly concluded there was nothing there for her. It was a struggle to unload the shopping at the checkout without waking Shay or leaving her in the unpadded trolley but it was far more manageable than both girls and a large bag of clothes in the car park. Since the new rules meant the trolley wasn't allowed out of the shopping centre. Made worse when the old lady she had told off was parked right next to them, waiting to pull out of the space while Erin juggled the girls to get them into their car seats. Shay in particular seemed twice as heavy when asleep. Thanking innovation she bought lunch at a drive-through bakery, eating a sundried tomato and olive roll as she drove to the firehouse.

"Where are the girls?" Kelly demanded when his wife entered unaccompanied.

"Sleeping, in the car. I left the doors open but I'm not carrying them both again" She justified promptly, she had parked as close as she could to the entrance without obstructing the path of the large emergency services vehicles. If either of them woke up and got upset she would likely be able to hear their cries.

"Chase go get the girls" Kelly ordered, thumping the younger man's shoulder.

"They're asleep, we're not staying I just wanted to say hi" Erin explained, stopping Chase who had gotten up straight away, eager to do as he was asked.

"Hi" Chase nodded as he sat back down, keeping an eye on his boss in case he was wrong to have accepted Erin's request.

"Hi" Erin smiled in return.

"Hi" Kelly added before he could be left out.

"Bye then" She shrugged, waving over her shoulder as she turned, laughing softly to herself as she questioned why she bothered to go out of her way to stop by.

"Wait, I'll walk you out" Kelly called after her, jumping up to follow after her, jogging until he caught up. "I have some good news…" He started.

"Ooh, what?" She questioned excitedly.

"The chief overheard me ordering the squad guys to get vaccinated and he dragged me into his office, I thought I was in trouble but it turns out we have money in the budget for that type of thing. A nurse is coming out next shift to vaccinate everyone, it's not compulsory but I'm pretty sure everyone'll do it if I tell 'em to" He smiled, certain he could emulate his father-in-law and intimidate everyone into getting vaccinated.

"That's great, thank you" She smiled, sounding almost distant. Not because she wasn't pleased with him but because she had fully expected he would forget, selfishly thinking she was the only one worried about Ember.

"You alright?" He questioned, taking her hand to stop her getting in the car once they had reached it, her expression seemingly unreasonable.

"Yeah of course, I just got annoyed at an old lady for touching Em… I don't want to take her out and expose her to anything but I can't exactly leave her home" She shared reluctantly, seeking reassurance for what she now knew was an excessive response.

"I know. At least she'll be safe to come here from now on…" He attempted, there was nothing he could do about the rest of the population.

"Daddy?" Shay called, head flopping to the side so she could see the source of the familiar voice.

"Princess, what are you doing sleeping so early?" Kelly asked as he stepped into the open car door to greet his sleepy daughter.

"I no know, we buyin' all them whites, then I sleeped" Shay explained rubbing her eyes before yawning as if she hadn't just slept for an hour.

"That's okay, Mama's gonna take you home now" He explained, looking up when his wife shut the door on the far side in preparation to leave.

"But I cuddle?" Shay pleaded, grasping for the seat belt release button, pressing with both thumbs to free herself.

"One quick cuddle" Kelly agreed, lifting her out of the seat for a hug.

"Daddy, I gotted sandpit books… but no lacy 'cause Mama said no lacy 'llowed in the sandpit" Shay explained as she sat back in her father's arms, waking up again.

"Ah…" Kelly nodded, giving his wife an apologetic smile when she gave him a pointed look. "I'll read one of the books when I get home tonight, if you've been good for Mama and you're ready for bed" He clarified, kissing her forehead before lowering her back into the car seat.

"Please, I goodly" Shay vowed, holding his hand with both of hers to keep him close.

"I'll see you tonight princess" He smiled, squeezing her face to give her a pouty fish face when she moved her lips to blow kisses at him.

"Bye-bye Daddy" Shay managed between him releasing her face and slamming the car door shut. He waved through the window instead of replying then rushed to open the door for his wife, standing between her and the car.

"One quick cuddle" He demanded as the price of admittance.

"I love you" Erin mumbled against his chest, sliding her arms inside his jacket instead of around it.

"Love you too" He assured, adding a kiss to the agreement before stepping aside so she could get into the car, moving away so he could wave at the vehicle until it was out of sight. Shay ate her lunch, a pizza roll, in the car on the way home. She helped her mother by dragging her library bag up the front stairs then put Frozen on to occupy herself while Ember drank her lunch. The second half of the movie was background noise as they sat on the floor, fetching toys for Ember and jiggling them until she got bored of them. They went outside at the end of the movie, Erin and Ember playing on a blanket while Shay brought them an assortment of mudpies from her sandpit. The three enjoyed a quiet afternoon in the backyard with plenty of smiles, lots of laughter and only a little sand consumption.

* * *

"Kelly get off the computer and at the very least get yourself dressed!" Erin very nearly yelled when she stomped into their bedroom, finding him in exactly the same position he had been in when she had left the room to take the breast milk she had spent the last hour pumping downstairs to the freezer. He didn't even look up from where he sat on their bed, scrolling seemingly mindlessly on the laptop with a stupid lopsided grin on his face.

"One sec babe" He replied distractedly, clearly not sensing the frustration in her tone.

"Kelly please" She groaned, throwing a pair of jeans at him, the heavy blue fabric shut the screen on his fingers.

"In a minute Erin" He growled back, tossing the denim to the foot of the bed. "Aren't you about to have a shower anyway?"

"We're leaving in fifteen minutes and nobody is dressed! Yes I'm having a shower. I want all four of you ready by the time I get out" She demanded, moving to the end of the bed to lay the jeans out flat so they wouldn't end up creased before he even put them on.

"Don't stress, just have your shower" He attempted to calm.

"Don't stress…" She repeated furiously as she stepped into the bathroom, slamming the door after herself. It only took a moment for the calming flow of hot water to wash away her frustration, allowing her to put everything back in perspective, the photos were supposed to be a good thing not the cause of stress and conflict.

"Babe?" Kelly questioned as he entered the bathroom not more than five minutes later, hopeful his wife wouldn't get annoyed at his intrusion. "Babe?" He repeated more loudly when his wife didn't seem to hear him, preoccupied rinsing her hair.

"Yeah?" She called, finishing rinsing before turning to see him standing on the other side of the glass holding a naked baby out in front of him. She was very much used to having interrupted showers but this was a new experience.

"Can you wash Emmy?" He enquired, straightening his arms so that Ember was even further from his body.

"What?" She asked, her voice echoing as she struggled to understand what was happening.

"Her diaper exploded…everywhere" He explained, raising his voice so she would be able to hear him.

"Oh, great" She accepted sarcastically. "Hand her here" She commanded, opening the door to take the baby from him, positioning Ember carefully on her chest so the water ran down her small, surprisingly hairy, back. Ember wasn't sure what to make of the strange environment, eyes wide as she looked around, comforted by her mother enough that she didn't feel the need to cry.

"You good?" He checked, watching his wife gently rinse their baby, he had taken care of the worst of the mess with baby wipes, or rather Chase had under his instruction.

"Can you grab a towel for her?" Erin requested, watching as he left the room before turning her attention back to getting Ember clean. When Kelly opened the door on his return journey Shay could be heard screaming loudly in the background.

"Towel" He supplied, hanging the towel up before pausing to watch them, wishing he could have a photo of this moment rather than a costumed portrait with false smiles.

"Get dressed!" She snapped when he was still just standing there staring a minute later, sighing as he scurried away, she just wanted the afternoon to go to plan so they could have nice photos. With two small children and a husband who didn't seem to care she suspected that was too much to ask. Luckily she had mostly finished washing herself before being handed the baby and so once Ember was clean they both got out, Erin coordinating their towels so that they were both wrapped before entering the bedroom. Kelly had gotten dressed but remained on their bed, grin swapped for pure concentration as he scrolled rapidly. The lack of screaming suggested Chase was having some luck with Shay, even if he was their time was running out fast. "What are you doing?" Erin asked softly, resigned but curious.

"Nothing" Kelly mumbled, looking up before turning the laptop even further away from his wife so there was no way she could see what he was up to.

"Any chance nothing can wait? Can you dry Emmy for me?" She questioned, laying the baby down on their bed so she could dry herself, keeping the towel around herself until she had crossed the room to shut the door.

"Sure, in a minute" He agreed, Ember seemed happy to suck on her foot, the way she got it up into her mouth a clear indicator of a flexibility superpower.

"Don't bother" She shrugged, getting dressed in her new jeans and the soft, flowing white shirt she had bought.

"I'm sorry, I should have done this yesterday. I just didn't think" He apologised, clicking rapidly to speed up whatever it was.

"What are you even doing?" She asked again, hanging up her towel before moving to the bed to dry Ember.

"Nothing" He repeated more firmly, though the unfamiliar little red memory stick was flashing wildly, that narrowed it down, he was copying something to the external storage device. It wasn't much to go on but it was better than nothing, all she needed now was to know what he was copying and why. One thing was certain, the answers to the questions had nothing to do with getting ready for family photos. Soon enough Ember was dressed, three out of five as far as she knew. Leaving Ember in her crib with a toy she had both hands free, ready to capture Shay and force her into the white shirt and denim skirt she had picked. The toddler was in the bathroom brushing her teeth, she wasn't in the outfit her mother had planned but it was still white and denim, her overalls and a plain long sleeved shirt. Plain unless you counted the smears of toothpaste up her right sleeve, the red and green stripes in the minty paste staining the fabric.

"What happened Shay?" Erin enquired as she stepped into the bathroom, pointing to the problem area.

"I dropted my toofbrush… Chasey putted it ready but I drop and cleaned up" Shay explained softly, swapping the toothbrush to her left hand as she demonstrated the way she had pulled her sleeve up and used it to rub up the mess on the bench. She had been trying to do the right thing in cleaning up after herself but her mother didn't seem as pleased as she ought to be.

"Ah… Well keep brushing then you'll have to change" She requested, holding the toddler's wrist as she applied more toothpaste to the bristles of the toothbrush. Hopefully Shay's clean white teeth would be on display in their photos.

"I no want to" Shay whined, trying to rub the toothpaste back onto the bench so she could stay dressed the way she was. Chase had tried desperately to get her into the skirt but she knew if her mother tried there would be no compromise.

"You'll be too hot with long pants and long sleeves, we'll just swap for a t-shirt" She reasoned gently, guiding the toothbrush to the toddler's mouth so there could be no further argument. Making eye contact with herself in the mirror she realised there was much to be done and rushed back to her own bathroom. First she dried and styled her hair in neat waves, almost defeating the purpose by tucking it all behind her ears to keep it out of the way as she applied some makeup. Ideally she was aiming for a natural look, back before her natural look was washed out with bags under her eyes, but she was quite out of practice. By the time she managed a fairly even, somewhat symmetrical appearance Ember was screaming and Shay was jumping on the bed. Kelly had shut the laptop and slid it onto the bedside table, memory stick nowhere to be seen, begging Shay to stand still for long enough to change her shirt.

"Please Shay, just stop bouncing for a minute" He pleaded, starting to wonder if he'd gotten too far ahead of himself. With the shirt bunched up in both hands so that it would slip over her head easily he had no way to catch her.

"Shay" Erin added to reinforce her husband's plea.

"Mama, you look silly" Shay contributed as she did what she was told.

"Thanks Shay" Erin acknowledged sarcastically, handing Ember the toy she had thrown to stop her screaming.

"You look fine" Kelly nodded, giving his wife a small smile.

"I was going to ignore our rude two year old, but fine? Thanks a lot…" She complained, retrieving the toy again before easing Ember's chubby legs into the tiny pair of jeans. Even the straight, wide cut boys denim pants were barely big enough, and they already had to be rolled up at the ankle.

"You look great, beautiful, wonderful, incredible, amazing, perfect…" Kelly listed as he moved up behind her, moving her hair aside to kiss her neck.

"Too late" She retorted, moving away from him as she turned to look at their bed. "Where's Shay?"

"Bathroom?" He suggested looking at the mess of pillows and covers where Shay had last stood. Could toddlers teleport?

"Shay come back here" Erin called as she headed for the bathroom.

"I look like Mama!" Shay announced as she appeared in the doorway, lipstick in two thick lines across her face.

"No, Shay go wipe it off... NO!" She called, hoping volume would make the toddler freeze, instead she moved more quickly, pulling the collar up around her chin before wiping the reddish-pink lipstick on her white shirt.

"Oops" Shay giggled when she looked down at the mess she had made of the front of her shirt.

"I'll fix it" Kelly offered, moving past his wife, who looked like she was about to explode, to scoop up the troublesome toddler.

"Give her to me" Erin managed calmly, extending her hands for her daughter, Shay looked uncertain with a hint of fear.

"I can…" He tried.

"Give her to me" She repeated taking a step forward to take Shay from him seeing as he wasn't going to hand her over. Erin stood the toddler on the bed, undid her overalls, peeled off the marred shirt, did the overalls back up then carried the toddler into the bathroom. Emerging minutes later with a lipstick free Shay whose hair had been braided across the front then curled at the back, her light brown hair holding the ringlets far better than Erin had expected.

"Daddy I pretty?" Shay enquired as she twirled a curl on her finger, thrilled by the magic hair powers her mother had.

"The prettiest girl I know… apart from Mummy who looks gorgeous" Kelly agreed, noticing his wife had modified her makeup slightly, not that it looked bad before but now it was near perfect.

"Ready?" Erin asked, ignoring the shallow compliment her husband offered in an attempt to get back on her good side.

"I'll get Em if you've got Shay, Chase should be ready by now" He nodded, adding the little white headband his wife had left out so Ember looked a little more girly before picking her up.

"Chase we're leaving!" Erin called down the hallway on her way to the stairs, almost colliding with her husband when she changed directions at the last second. Returning to Shay's room for her third and final new white shirt, she would put it on once they had reached their destination.

"Coming" Chase called as he rushed to join them, laughing then high fiving Kelly when they realised they were wearing the same white polo shirt. "Whoa, princess where'd your shirt go?" He asked when he noticed Shay wasn't wearing anything under her overalls.

"I have it" Erin answered, holding up the shirt before folding it and putting it in the diaper bag next to three of Ember's new white onesies.

"I did put one on her" Chase defended, scratching his head as he tried to recall the exact order of events.

"I lipslicked it…" Shay answered sadly. "Sorry Mama."

"That's okay, into the car" Erin accepted waving her free hand to indicate that they could head out without her, busy getting shoes on Shay's feet.

"Chasey" Shay whined, grabbing the sleeve of his shirt when he moved past her to get through the door.

"Hold her still" Erin instructed, handing Shay to Chase so she had both hands to do up the tiny buckles on the toddler's shiny leather shoes. "Into the car" She added once she was finished, giving Chase a shove before looking around to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything, after dashing to the fridge for the voucher she locked up the house and climbed into the car. Fifteen minutes had become thirty, time Erin knew she could make up using a few shortcuts and some creative interpretation of the road rules. Arriving at the studio they were only five minutes late but Maryanne, the photographer, didn't seem to mind at all, in fact she seemed rather surprised to see them.

"You're all looking lovely, let's head right on through" Maryanne said cheerfully as she locked the front door and led them into the bright white back room, a series of background choices hung on rollers on the back wall. Then lights, props and equipment took up the rest of the space.

"Chase can you put Shay's shirt on" Erin requested, putting the diaper bag down on an empty bench along the side and retrieving Shay's white shirt.

"Actually if you could leave it off I have some ideas… Sorry we should stop and talk, it's your session, what do you want?" Maryanne remembered to ask, stopping in the middle of the room.

"I'm not really sure, you're the expert" She answered, looking to her husband in case he had any specific requests. Her priority had been on getting everyone there on time in the right clothes, she hadn't even considered what would happen next.

"Well the little ones seem happy…" Maryanne said, smiling at Ember then at Shay.

"I happy Shay!" The toddler interrupted, deciding the stranger was friendly.

"Happy-Shay I'm happy-Maryanne and I'm going to take lots of pictures of you pretty girl" Maryanne assured before looking back to the adults. "I'll start with them, then we'll figure out the rest as we go: kids together, portraits, family and you two of course…" She listed as she took Ember from Kelly, gestured for Shay to come with her. "Feel free to take a seat" She called over her shoulder, nodding her head at the couch. Chase put Shay down then moved to sit with his parents on the white leather couch. The three adults watched intently as Maryanne set up to take photos of the girls, talking to both of them as she selected a background, a field of soft looking golden wheat with grey and purple clouds behind in the two dimensional backdrop. A raised platform was added then Ember's jeans and Shay's shoes were removed, Shay helped to keep her sister happy as she was placed on a fluffy lilac blanket in the wicker basket. "Alright Shay, you play with Emmy and I'm going to take some photos" Maryanne explained as she picked up her camera.

"They look cute" Chase whispered when Shay was handed a dried piece of wheat waving it for Ember to grasp at.

"Mmm" Erin nodded, taking her husband's hand to apologise for her crazy behaviour. Having a moment to sit and relax, just watching the girls having fun made her feel terrible for putting so much pressure on her family to look perfect. The camera continued to click away as Maryanne joked with Shay, no doubt getting some great shots of the toddler. Erin knew it didn't mean much but she had never seen a photographer who was so relaxed with such unpredictable children. Shay played peek-a-boo behind the basket and put the straw hat she had been given on Ember instead. Once Maryanne was happy, having taken hundreds of pair and individual shots, she changed just about everything. Shay had her shirt put on and sat in front of the stark white background holding Ember carefully for the next lot of photos. Mr Tumble the puppet was introduced to keep both the girls smiling as they started to get tired.

"Chasey, you come photo!" Shay declared when she looked over and saw him staring into the distance, bored.

"Go on" Erin encouraged, looking forward to seeing the three of them together, by now she had discovered that the photos appeared directly on the computer screen and had been watching it instead of the girls directly.

"Yes mum" Chase grumbled teasingly, looking to Maryanne for instructions. She had him sit down, with Shay on his lap then Ember on hers. At first he was stiff, trying to look good so he didn't ruin the photos, once he relaxed they looked far better and Erin couldn't help but smile. The time seemed to fly, the kids had portrait shots taken individually, Maryanne focusing particularly on Ember, tiny hands and feet particularly photogenic as she slept peacefully. Maryanne worked with Kelly, Chase and Shay while Erin fed Ember then got them all assembled for a family photo. It took a while to get a single shot with five pairs of eyes open and even longer to get one with Ember smiling, Maryanne noting the number of the one perfect photograph. Chase stepped out and took control of Mr Tumble, something Kelly decided he could do better when he got sick of smiling and left his wife and girls to be photographed. Unfortunately the lack of a nap started to show, Mr Tumble ignored in favour of a tantrum when the light changed and the camera started to flash.

"Oh I'm sorry, don't you like the flash Shay?" Maryanne asked calmly though the toddler's wailing made it very clear.

"NO! Stop…please" Shay replied as she started to calm down, snuggling up against her mother. Maryanne complied with her request, turning off the flash pausing for a moment before take a few more photos, unable to resist now that both girls were asleep on their mother's chest. Chase carried the girls out to the car one at a time then sat with them to wait while Maryanne refused to let Erin and Kelly leave without one decent photo together, explaining that she would go through and get the best ones printed up by the end of the week as she worked.

"Thank you" Erin added when they were finally being seen out of the studio, from the front door they could see that Chase had fallen asleep in the back seat. There was still the chance they could get home and get the white shirts off the trio before anything happened to them.

"You have a beautiful family, makes my job easy" Maryanne assured, waving from the door as they made their way to the car.

"Oh! I forgot my shoes" Kelly exclaimed, Erin looked first to his feet then to his face, narrowing her eyes suspiciously, it sounded far too rehearsed but his feet were bare.

"Hurry, I'll wait here" She accepted, climbing into the car as he dashed back into the studio.

"Maryanne?" Kelly called as he pushed through the glass door.

"Back here" Maryanne answered. Kelly followed the direction of her voice and found her on the studio computer in the back room.

"I need your help. I forgot those and ah… Is it possible to get the good family one and this photo printed on big canvasses by next weekend?" He questioned urgently, trying to pull on his shoes and hold up the memory stick at the same time. The huge photo of Shay on their lounge room wall didn't seem quite right now that they had two girls so he had spent time on the laptop, searching through his photos until he found one of Ember that could go next to it. The idea hadn't struck him until he'd stopped to look at the photo after lunch, now he was frantically trying to set the idea in motion.

"It's possible" Maryanne nodded, just a little confused by the sudden, odd request.

"I'll pay for it, I'll have to pick them up on Friday during my lunch break. Here's my number. You might have to enhance that one a bit, I took it on my phone… Thanks" He finished, surrendering the memory stick and a crumpled piece of paper with his contact details.

"What's it for?" She enquired, getting up to follow him as he hopped back the way he had come, still trying to get his shoe on.

"Anniversary presents" He explained breathlessly.

"Take one of my cards and text me the dimensions you want..." Maryanne requested, handing him one from the card holder on the front desk. 'Big' wasn't particularly specific and 'last time' suggested he wanted it the same time as a pre-existing print.

"Thanks" Kelly added as he took a deep breath and tried to appear composed as he pushed through the door, smiling innocently at his impatient wife. "Sorry" He sighed as he joined her in the car.

"So you have two choices: We can stop by the district and I can interrogate you, or you can tell me what that was and we can get ice cream instead" Erin offered in return, a confusing mix of playful and dead seriousness in her voice.

"Babe, there's something important happening next weekend, you might not want to ask too many questions" He suggested gently, alluding to their upcoming anniversary. That was enough of a hint to entertain her imagination and he didn't plan on giving her anything more.

"What has that got to do with our anniversary?" She demanded, intrigued by the suggestion that his peculiar behaviour was connected to the momentous occasion.

"Are we really going to get ice cream while they're asleep?" He changed the subject, using the rear view mirror to check that all three were still asleep, the angle was wrong to see Ember but Shay and Chase were definitely asleep.

"Yes" She nodded. "I need more information" She pleaded, she wasn't stupid. It was obvious whatever he had been doing on the computer was for their anniversary she just didn't understand the deliberate act of forgetting his shoes. They were going to get their photos by the end of the week anyway.

"You need more patience. What flavour you getting?" He persisted, taking her left hand and squeezing it reassuringly. "Trust me" He requested, releasing her hand so she could reverse into the car space right near the door of the gas station.

"You're going to get me a raspberry sorbet, two of those choc-banana monkey shaped ice creams for the kids and one of whatever you want. I'll wait here" She smiled, handing him cash because she had been caught by the lack of EFTPOS at this shop before, purposefully avoiding responding to the last two words he had said.

"Okay" He smiled, undoing his seat belt before getting out of the car, careful to close the door quietly.

"Babe?" Erin summoned, depressing the button so the passenger side window slid from between them.

"Yeah?"

"Can I have your phone?" She questioned, extending a hand in anticipation of his affirmation.

"Got a warrant for that detective?" He challenged.

"Hand it over" She coached, leaning until her hand was right in front of him, fingers wiggling encouragingly.

"Erin, I love you, you're only going to ruin the surprise for yourself" He said sadly, shaking his head before surrendering the device. Once she had it he headed straight for the small convenience store attached to the gas station. Erin sat back and looked at the phone, thumb hovering over the button that would turn the screen on.

"Ugh" She groaned when she realised he was right, drowning in curiosity she tried to rationalise that he wouldn't have given her the phone if it contained anything to spoil a potential surprise. At the same time he might have known she wouldn't be able to bring herself to search through it and therefore didn't care that it contained top secret information. She didn't get a chance to decide which was more likely the phone replaced by a small cardboard tub of sorbet and a plastic spoon the moment her husband returned. "I love you" She offered as an apology, locking eyes with him as he turned his body to fasten his seatbelt.

"If you're gonna make out I'm gonna go back to sleep…" Chase interrupted from the back seat.

"Ice cream?" Erin offered, taking one of the monkey shaped treats from her husband and passing it back to the young man.

"Me?" Shay asked, waking up to the sound of plastic wrappings crinkling, she recognised the sound immediately.

"Let Chase help you" Erin told the toddler as she handed Chase a second monkey.

"I love you Mama" Shay beamed before stuffing half the ice cream into her mouth.

"Yeah I love you too" Chase nodded, retrieving a napkin from the seat pocket in preparation for Shay's realisation that she couldn't actually inhale ice cream.

"Me too" Kelly nodded, squinting to see the ice cream he held as the same monkey that decorated the packaging.

"I love you all too" She assured, placing her ice cream in the cup holder as she started the car, it was somewhat melted by the time she pulled up at the nearest park. Their white shirts all had brown smudges when they returned home, a mostly dried up duck pond the perfect source of mud for the troublesome toddler.

* * *

"You're home early" Erin commented from the lounge room doorway, she had gotten up from the couch when she heard the front door open unexpectedly, admitting her husband and adult son. They were both pulling off their boots and hanging up their jackets, looking up at the sound of her voice.

"I sent you a text saying we were staying for dinner…" Kelly rushed to explain, assuming she was being sarcastic given they were far later than usual.

"Yeah" She nodded. "I didn't expect you for another half hour or more; I know how quickly you can eat but you'll make yourselves sick" She cautioned, shaking her head with motherly disapproval, at times it was a struggle to stop the younger man initiating speed eating competitions. Chase had a naturally competitive nature, constantly seeking to push himself through healthy competition with his squad mates and family.

"He didn't send the text until we were already eating" Chase supplied, justifying their early arrival and hoping to dispense any concern she had for their digestive capabilities.

"I'm sorry" Kelly apologised sincerely, knowing he should have contacted his wife sooner. If Gabby hadn't taken over in the firehouse kitchen and tortured them with the smell of barbeque ribs cooking for six hours they would have been home on time.

"That's fine, if my phone hadn't died I'd have told you not to rush, the girls are out cold" Erin explained returning to her spot on the couch, the fabric still warm, while they followed her through and sat down.

"Big day?" He enquired, sitting down beside his wife, arm resting across the top of the couch behind her shoulders.

"Yeah, we went to that nature reserve at the end of Walden Terrace with Sharon and Caity after yoga. The girls played dinosaur hide and seek, we had a picnic lunch. Emmy did some push ups, she's getting so much better at holding her head up, and she rolled over for the first time! I don't think she meant to though. I recorded it on my phone for you" Erin reflected, pointing to the presently useless device on the coffee table when Kelly gave a pained look of disappointment at missing a milestone.

"Thank you" He smiled, pulling her into his side with his extended arm.

"But…" She started.

"Don't say it, please" He requested, releasing her and pulling away to turn towards her instead of facing the television.

"You don't even…" She began to argue, mirroring his movements despite the fact she knew she was missing important dialogue that would carry over to the next episode of the series.

"Maybe we should just stay home this weekend and spend time with the girls, so we don't miss anything…" Kelly said, exactly the way she would, words, emphasis, everything.

"How did you…?" She demanded, entertaining the possibility that he was actually reading her mind for a moment.

"He's been married to you for a year…" Chase explained, watching them carefully. "Anyway speaking of this weekend, you don't mind me having Nadia over while you're away do you?" He enquired. "To help out with the girls" He added almost too quickly.

"I made a booking today, non-refundable" Kelly added.

"Where?" Erin requested, frustrated that he hadn't consulted her first, they had agreed to talk further before committing to anything but apparently he hadn't listened.

"It's a surprise" He answered, smiling regardless of her frown.

"You can have Nadia over, I'll probably still ask Hank to drop by on… How long for?" She enquired, trying not to sound as annoyed as she felt.

"Friday and Saturday, we have to check out by eleven on Sunday. So we can still have dinner with everyone" He supplied, pleased with himself for being so thoughtful. Originally he had been willing to pay for the extra night, leaving for his shift on Sunday night instead of spending any of his weekend with the rest of his family.

"I'll even cook" Chase volunteered enthusiastically. "You don't need to bother Hank though, Nadia and I can manage the girls for two nights."

"It's a big deal Chase, Emmy wakes up in the middle of the night to be fed" She reminded, not that she really thought he wouldn't be able to handle it.

"It's only two nights, we can sacrifice a couple hours sleep to feed her" Chase justified sensibly, eyes conveying his certainty clearly.

"She could get really fussy" She attempted weakly, giving her husband a pleading look as she thought about leaving Ember for such a long period of time. She had spent a whole week away from Shay almost a year ago so being away from the toddler wasn't nearly as much of a concern.

"We're going. End of discussion" Kelly concluded. He wasn't sure he would get away with ending the discussion so abruptly or making an executive decision.

"You're making me miss my show" Erin grumbled, reaching for the remote to turn up the volume.

"I thought your show was on Sunday nights" He complained when he recognised the somewhat familiar characters of her favourite TV show on the screen on a Monday night.

"I'm gonna go have a shower" Chase informed, hoping to distract them enough to diffuse the tension as he stood up.

"Thanks Chase" Erin called after him.

"For?" He questioned, thinking it would be a wise move to find out what he was doing correctly.

"Offering to look after the girls" She smiled.

"Offering" Kelly snorted once the younger man was out of earshot, about halfway up the staircase.

"Babe, I love you and I would love to spend a weekend alone with you but for the next few years at least our girls have to come first, you know that. We'll have heaps of anniversaries together" Erin rationalised, ignoring the television purposely so he knew she was being honest.

"You think so?" He asked distantly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She enquired, deliberately indifferent.

"Not like that… That sounds good, great, perfect, that's what I mean" He corrected, searching for the right word, almost gasping when he realised the opposite interpretation of his question. His tone certainly hadn't helped, too occupied thinking about their future together to modulate his voice appropriately.

"I married you to spend the rest of my life with you" Erin specified seriously, shifting to settle on his lap.

"I love you" He whispered, wrapping his arms around her as she curled into him.

"I love you too" She agreed a little while later, resting her head against his shoulder as she turned to watch the television.

"Is that the end?" Kelly asked when the show returned from an advert break only for the end credits to roll.

"Yep" She sighed, snuggling into him instead of bothering to see what was coming on next. Kelly twirled her hair around his fingertips rhythmically, breathing in her warmth as they enjoyed a quiet moment. Screams from the television coincided with an epiphany that had Kelly on his feet, Erin gripping his shirt automatically to remain upright.

"I'll be back in a sec, put a jacket and some shoes on" He instructed, ensuring she was stable on her feet before releasing her and rushing into the hall.

"Why?" She asked as she followed, still processing his words.

"Because I said so" He answered, taking her coat from its hook and pressing it into her hands.

"The girls" She reminded, it was clear he wanted to leave the house but he clearly hadn't considered their dependants sleeping upstairs.

"I'm going to tell Chase… they're asleep… I'll check on them" He explained, voice growing softer as he ascended the stairs. Erin stood bewildered for a moment then pulled her coat on as she made her way back to the lounge, turning off the television then moving through to the laundry to feed the wailing black cat. With Sooty purring as she ate her pouch of strong smelling sardines and tuna Erin stopped in the kitchen to dispose of the rubbish and wash her hands. Kelly was waiting at the door with his jacket and boots on, car keys in hand, her shoes set on the door mat so that she just had to slip them on.

"Where are we going?" She requested as she put her shoes on and let his hand on her back guide her out of the house.

"Out" He supplied promptly, taking her hand he walked with her down the stairs, along the path to the driveway, letting go so he could open the car door for her.

"And Chase knows?" She questioned before sliding into the passenger seat, it would be hard for her to drive if he wasn't going to share where they were going.

"Yeah" He assured, continuing to nod as he rounded the car and got in himself.

"He was in the shower" Erin stated, refusing to press the button for the gate until she felt certain her girls would be okay while they did whatever it was they were doing.

"And?" He questioned, not seeing the problem.

"Yelling through the door would wake the girls" She explained, wondering if she shouldn't duck inside to check that they were still sleeping in their own beds. The ease with which they'd fallen asleep indicated it would take far more than some yelling to wake them but she didn't want to risk them waking up to find her gone.

"I didn't yell through the door, I went in and told him" He justified calmly, calculating the speed and force required to snatch the gate controller from her hand but remaining motionless.

"Kelly! You don't think he deserves some privacy?" She demanded, the level of concern in her voice outweighing the injustice of the brief invasion.

"It's my house" He reasoned with a shrug.

"Our house, his home" She clarified seriously.

"You're just annoyed 'cause you don't know where we're going" He suggested, taking the controller so quickly that she didn't even know what had happened. Frowning as they reversed she decided to focus on figuring out where they were going before they got there.

"Can I have a clue?" She asked once they were sufficiently far away from home that nothing struck her as particularly familiar. A shop here and there triggered something but more than that she was lost in her own city, maybe everything had just changed since she'd been in this area last.

"No" He shook his head, turning the radio on to interrupt her thoughts and silence any further questions. It didn't work for long.

"Is it somewhere we've been before?"

"No" He repeated as they circled the roundabout.

"Hmm…" She pondered, turning off the radio as he slowed to comply with the speed limit, it took a few turns but he seemed to be following one particular set of arrow shaped signs. "We've been to the botanic gardens before" She guessed hopefully, "we got married there" she reminded.

"I should have blindfolded you" He teased, not enough to confirm or deny her prediction.

"Ha, good luck" She replied seriously, anyone who even attempted to blindfold her was likely to suffer broken bones or end up winded and sprawled on the floor at the very least.

"I'm saving that for the weekend" He vowed, looking over to raise his eyebrows challengingly, winking then laughing softly as he turned back to the road.

"Oh…" She gasped in understanding, body temperature rising several degrees in response to his husky statement.

"Mhmm" He assured, flicking the indicator then waiting until the road was clear before turning into and underground car park.

"A car park?" She questioned, that would serve her right for expecting something vaguely romantic.

"Patience" He requested, pulling into a vacant space.

"I don't have any of that" She muttered as he got out of the car, opening her door for her and taking her hand. They took a flight of stairs then crossed a courtyard with a high hedge before entering a modern hotel through automatic glass doors. The plush red and black patterned carpet matched the deep reddish brown of the wooden walls and front desk, gold light fittings complementing the dark colours, sparkling either because they were so very clean or because they were brand new. It was evident an interior designer had had their way and that no expense had been spared, Kelly paused for a moment to allow his wife to marvel at the architectural brilliance then continued.

"Blend in" He whispered the command in her ear as they passed the desk and joined the queue for the elevator. By the time they got in someone had already scanned their room key, doubling as a security tag to stop people doing exactly what they were doing. Kelly pressed the button with the number eighteen then pulled his wife to his side with his arm around her waist, ignoring the masked baffled look on her face. They were the least well-dressed but years of undercover training kicked in and Erin wouldn't have been singled out for anything.

"What are we doing?" She hissed when the elevator doors closed after the last couple, leaving them to rise the last four floors alone.

"It's an adventure" Kelly answered stiffly, taking her hand when the ding of the elevator suggested they had reached their floor. Stepping out Erin noted that the lavish style wasn't restricted to the lobby, where they were going was slightly less glamorous though.

"Um!" Erin cleared her throat when he pushed to open the door of the fire escape at the north end of the building. Finger jabbing at the sign on the door that read 'Alarmed. Do Not Open. Emergencies Only'. Kelly proceeded anyway, slipping his finger onto the small red button in the top right corner of the doorframe. She had momentarily forgotten that he was a fireman, heart pounding as their adventure continued. Just because eighteen was the highest number in the elevator didn't mean it was the top floor of the building and Kelly pulled her up two flights of stairs. The door out onto the roof wasn't even locked.

"Ta-da" He announced as he led her out into the chilly night air, stars visible high above the city lights surrounding them so bright that it didn't matter the roof wasn't lit.

"This is… incredible" Erin managed when her ability to speak returned, turning on the spot to take in the unbelievable view.

"So are you" He nodded, pulling her towards the front of the building, stopping short of the raised concrete edging he positioned her in front of himself. "What do you see out there?" He asked pointing very specifically and hoping she could figure it out.

"Chicago" She answered teasingly before following the direction of his finger. "The apartment building on Jessamine street" She answered correctly after a moment.

"And that?" He questioned, shifting his arm slightly.

"That's our park" She replied softly.

"And the eighth white roof that way is?" He prompted, altering the directing his hand pointed once more.

"Light grey" She corrected before answering. "Our house"

"Mhmm" He nodded, kissing the top of her head.

"Cool" Erin agreed, not quite sure what else to say.

"I booked a room here for the weekend, the honeymoon suite on this side of the building. Two floors down from where we stand, so you can still see home" He explained softly, arms tightening around her waist.

"Kelly" She breathed, struggling to comprehend the considerate gesture, regretting all the horrible things she had thought when he had told her he had booked a room. Sniffling when the emotion became too much.

"Er, don't cry baby" He implored, turning her in his hold to face him.

"Stop being so fucking perfect!" She complained, fist connecting with his chest in exasperation before her entire body followed, seeking as much contact as possible.

"I'm sorry" He apologised, a grin on his face. He'd never gotten this reaction previously and he suspected it was the right thing.

"No, don't be. Please. Thank you so much. I love you" She amended hurriedly, looking up at him, face returning to his chest when she finished speaking.

"I know, that's why you married me, almost a year ago" He reasoned in the faintest whisper, lips millimetres from her ear. That was until she pulled away, hands gripping his neck she dragged his mouth down to hers. She relaxed against him but her kisses were no less urgent, wonderful view forgotten as she saw stars of a different kind, the kind that resulted from oxygen deprivation. They sucked cold night air into their scorched lungs, Kelly forcing her back then lifting her up to sit on the edge of the building.

"Shit" Erin gasped when she looked down, hands tightening on his shirt as he held her securely. No matter how dangerous it was she felt completely safe in his arms, his lips working to eliminate any traces of fear as they danced with hers. "You weren't serious about the blindfold were you?" She questioned when they next stopped to breathe, that was something she wouldn't admit to being terrified of. The thought of losing her vision was far worse than the feeling that looking over the edge gave her.

"No" He laughed, cupping her face in his hand.

"You could pack for me if you want…my thank you for this" She suggested, thinking back to how much fun that had been on their honeymoon, not that she would have admitted it at the time.

"Ooh, that could be fun. I'd like to see that grey dress on you for more than five minutes" He agreed running his hands down her body, fingers easily finding the curves the dress exaggerated.

"Mmm" She smiled, loving the plotting look in his eyes.

"I booked dinner at the restaurant downstairs on Saturday, you'll get your room service over the rest of our stay" He explained, earning another searing kiss.

"Oh… can I… could I pack for you?" She questioned when she pulled away.

"Depends" He answered, indicating that he wanted more information before making his decision.

"That suit you have, not your wedding suit. The other one" Erin requested, if he thought she looked good in the grey dress she knew he looked handsome in his slightly lighter grey suit.

"Yeah, what else would you pack?" He encouraged.

"Not much" She laughed. "Those black silk boxers you wear sometimes… I like them."

"Anything else?"

"Um… some socks, Severide?" She teased, as expected usage of his infamous nickname had died down, she hadn't forgotten it though, one of their more memorable nights together.

"I hope you like lace babe" He beamed, kissing her swiftly.

"You do, that's what matters" She winked, small hands sliding into the back pockets of his pants.

"Home?" He enquired not long later.

"Yeah, but not for that" She decided, saying the words as the idea formed in her mind. "No sex until Friday."

"What? Why?" He questioned, looking to file an immediate complaint.

"It'll make it more special" She suggested, sliding off the edge to stand before him.

"I can promise you it won't" He whinged, grabbing her smaller body roughly for a heated kiss, releasing her when his shoulder screamed in protest.

"Patience" She proposed, the way he had flinched and let her go replaying in her mind.

"I don't have any of that" He grumbled in response.

**Absolute last chance for anniversary prompts/requests… Review or PM! **

**Shout out to Suchagrandromance for all the follows this evening! Love you all :D **


	150. Chapter 150

**I hate myself for how long this took… **

"Were you looking for anything in particular?" The shop assistant enquired gently, startling the customer in question despite her best efforts not to.

"Uh… An anniversary present for my husband" Erin supplied after clearing her throat, looking hopelessly at the display before her, despair evident in her tone. She had been shopping for two hours, except 'shopping' implied making purchases, that she hadn't done, at least not relevant ones. Erin loved her husband, there was no doubt there, and she knew it was going to be difficult to find anything to represent that love. The previous night kept coming back, the thrill of breaking rules, heart pounding in her chest, the circle of his arms the safest place in her universe. How could she compete with that? He could draw out such intense emotion with such little effort. She didn't deserve him. And so, standing in the jewellery store, looking at the limited range of men's jewellery, she felt utterly defeated. The shop assistant had sensed that.

"They're so hard to buy for…" The younger woman empathised, Erin's eyes drawn to the gigantic diamond on her finger to check that she did indeed understand the struggle.

"Yeah" Erin agreed softly, taking a step forward to peer into the glass cabinet more closely. There had to be something she could buy him. "I definitely need some help" She realised, deciding that she wasn't going to go down without a fight. She was going to find the perfect present for him even if it took the rest of the day. It was the right mentality but already she knew it wasn't that easy, she had half an hour maximum before her breasts started leaking and Kelly and Chase resorted to feeding Ember milk from the freezer, milk she was stockpiling for the weekend.

"That's my job. Have you got any ideas?" The shop assistant asked, the customer seemed eager to find a present so making a sale was almost guaranteed. Now she just had to gather information so that the purchase would be meaningful.

"Not really, what sort of thing do people normally get?" Erin replied, stepping back again, nothing in that cabinet would work. Maybe nothing in this store, she couldn't leave now though, not without making excuses to the shop assistant who seemed genuinely interested in helping her find the right gift.

"Rings, dog tags, leather bracelets are popular this year… watches?" The shop assistant listed, gesturing across the store to a cabinet of watches. Kelly wouldn't wear another ring, he never took off his personalised dog tags and he laughed at men who wore bracelets.

"He can't really wear much at work…a watch would be practical I guess" She shrugged, not trying to be a difficult customer but succeeding anyway.

"We have quite a range" The shop assistant nodded, leading her across to the display cabinet.

"Any that are indestructible? Or fireproof?" Erin questioned, trying to distinguish between those that looked good and those that listed lots of features on the lables.

"I don't think so, sorry" The shop assistant answered, puzzled look disappearing quickly as she searched for a specific model that might appeal to her customer. "This one looks fairly durable" She offered, holding up a rugged, old fashioned analogue watch with a khaki fabric band.

"But it's flimsy here" Erin highlighted, taking the watch from the shop assistant to flex the joint between the band and face. It would be a perfectly suitable watch for most men, but Erin knew how rough Kelly's job was, whether he meant to or not it definitely wouldn't survive more than a few shifts.

"Leather would be stronger? Or stainless steel?" The shop assistant suggested, placing the watch back before offering up two alternatives. One watch black leather and the other shiny silver stainless steel.

"I like this one, can I see it in black though?" Erin asked as she spotted the one she wanted, sturdy but not chunky, brushed black stainless steel, a simple analogue face, silver hour and minute markings, without the clutter of any fancy digital functions.

"This one?" The shop assistant clarified, pointing to the watch.

"Yeah" Erin nodded, turning it over in her hands a few times to check that it was even close to something her husband might want. "It seems a bit heavy" She commented as she assessed the viability of purchasing this particular watch for her husband.

"They're all about the same" The shop assistant commented softly.

"I think he'd wear it, I'm not sure he needs a watch but at least it's useful…" Erin weighed up aloud, still holding the watch. It seemed far too big in her hands but she could see it on him and she suspected it was the best she was going to be able to do on this shopping expedition.

"We can engrave it if you'd like, to personalise it and make it a little more meaningful" The shop assistant offered with a small smile.

"Yeah, that would be great" Erin agreed, already thinking about what to put on the shiny silver backing plate, all she could think of was the date of their wedding.

"And you're happy with this one?" The woman paused to check once she'd taken back the watch.

"Yes" Erin confirmed with a nod, watching as the case was lifted from the display. She followed the shop assistant to the main desk, payed for the watch and engraving, writing three dates on the form instead of one before arranging to pick it up on Friday. Leaving the store she felt slightly better, at least now she had a present for him, it wasn't much but it was something. Checking her phone for the time she sent her husband a quick message saying she was on her way and instructing him not to feed Ember under any circumstance. Then continued to navigate the mall, the box of light globes and bag of sugar she'd come for in the plastic bag in her hand. One particular window display caught her attention, again. On the way in she'd pulled a face of disgust but now the vibrant orange, lace trimmed silk nightgown on the lingerie shop mannequin held potential and she decided to stop in and see if she couldn't find a second present for her husband. She would have to be quick though and there was no way she was trying anything on. The male shop assistant caught her off guard but he was surprisingly helpful, and his shallow flattery persuaded her to buy a few items, the short, black silk robe her favourite. Not ten minutes after entering the store she had made it back to her car, impulse purchases or not she concluded that the outing had been productive. She wasn't done by any means but she had had enough for one day. Being handed a screaming baby when she arrived home indicated that she had made the right decision.

* * *

"Shay, you coming back?" Erin called up the stairs, five minutes was usually long enough for the toddler to go to the toilet, any longer and chances were she had been distracted. The absence of the sound of water running indicated she wasn't just playing with soap foam again.

"Yes" Shay answered innocently, completing the soap art she had been making on the mirror before sliding off the bench onto her step stool. Jumping down off that she ran from the bathroom to the stairs and jumped down them as well, wiping excess soap onto her shirt as she discovered her mother had vacated the lounge room. They had finished the puzzle they had been doing so it made sense to move to the next activity, Shay hoped it was lunch.

"There you are, did you wash your hands?" Erin questioned as the toddler marched into the dining room, smiling when she located her mother. The soap slime on her shirt didn't go unnoticed and Erin knew the answer before Shay spoke.

"Yep" Shay nodded, stopping where she was to watch the clear plastic tablecloth fly through the air then fall to the table, draping over the edges.

"Alright, come here then" Erin requested after straightening the tablecloth, checking Ember's head was supported adequately in the sling before bending to lift the toddler up onto her chair.

"What we doin'?" Shay enquired as she watched her mother set out an assortment of craft supplies on the table, small fingers fiddling with the edge of the tablecloth.

"I need your help" Erin said encouragingly, shaking a container of glitter to draw Shay's attention before setting it down beside the toddler's favourite thing.

"I help Mama, promise" Shay agreed, shifting forward in her chair, immediately reaching for the glue, her favourite substance on the planet, the stickier the better. Erin intercepted and moved the container, along with everything else to the middle of the table, far out of the toddler's reach.

"Thank you princess" She smiled, pulling a photo frame from a plastic bag and tearing away the packaging.

"What we doin' but?" Shay asked, standing up on her chair before sliding forward on the table until she could reach the jars and containers, unable to decide which to play with first her hand hovering between the glue and glitter. Her mother had intervened when she went for the glue so perhaps the glitter was a safer option, and it was certainly a close second favourite.

"We're making a present for Daddy" Erin answered, helping Shay to sit back on her chair before putting the photo frame down in front of her. Broad white wooden edges, ideal for the activity Erin had devised, glass temporarily covered by a display image of a flowers in a vase.

"Oooh!" Shay squealed as she clapped excitedly, rubbing her hands together then pushing her hair back behind her ears to show she was ready. "Why but?" She demanded as she ran a finger around the edge of the photo frame.

"This weekend is a special celebration, kind of like a birthday, because a year ago Daddy and I got married. It's called an anniversary and I want to give Daddy a pretty anniversary present. Do you think you could help Emmy and I make this photo frame pretty?" Erin asked encouragingly, gesturing to everything she had set out. If Shay agreed it wouldn't be long before the plastic tablecloth was put to use.

"You, me, Emmy!" Shay giggled as she pointed to each of them in turn, Ember tucked away securely but awake and sucking her thumb contentedly.

"Yep, the three of us are going to work together. You can't tell Daddy though because it's a surprise" She reminded playfully, glad that Shay was excited by the idea of working collaboratively, though in practice she might not be so keen.

"Shhh, s'prise!" Shay whispered, pressing her finger to her lips to demonstrate her understanding.

"Mhmm."

"Then we wrappin' and givin' and eatin' cakes" Shay listed, performing a corresponding action for each word before standing up on her chair.

"Not quite. Anniversaries are a bit different, Daddy and I are going to go away for a few days. You're going to stay here with Emmy, Chase and Nadia, she's going to have a sleepover" She explained, trying to make it sound like they would be having far more fun at home. The craft activity temporarily forgotten as Erin decided to seize the opportunity and explain their upcoming absence to Shay.

"Where you goin' but?" Shay questioned, sitting back down as she processed the disappointing revelation that she wouldn't get cake, or a weekend with her parents for that matter.

"We're just going to a hotel" Erin answered, almost sounding glum. Telling Shay was certainly testing her resolve; having successfully been persuaded that going away was a good thing she had almost completely overlooked that it still meant leaving her girls behind.

"Why?" Shay asked, she understood the concept of going away and staying somewhere but she didn't see the point unless there was something fun to do. Like their trip to the country before Ember had arrived.

"So we can spend time alone together" Erin contemplated, sounding more positive but still not convinced. The last thing she wanted was to confuse the toddler so she was doing her best not to let her inner conflict show through.

"I can come?" Shay suggested hopefully.

"No, you're going to stay here. Chase and Nadia will need your help looking after Emmy" Erin assured, knowing her little helper was going to be home looking out for her baby sister made the idea of leaving them more bearable. She was also careful not to give Shay the impression she had any choice in the matter. They were going away, they were going to have fun and the girls were going to be fine without them.

"You come back?" Shay questioned softly, half out of her chair to be closer to her mother.

"Yes, we're coming back on Sunday, we'll be here for dinner with your Grandpas" She confirmed with a certain nod. "But I'm not going anywhere until Friday" She added when she sensed the toddler was still unsure about the arrangement, that was her own fault for giving such mixed signals initially, they would likely revisit the conversation over the next few days.

"Umkay" Shay accepted, shifting back to sit properly, just about to question whether or not her mother would be leaving before or after they went to the library when her mother spoke again.

"Should we decorate this now?" Erin questioned, pointing to the photo frame before selecting the red glitter and glue.

"Yay! Glitters!" Shay cheered as she extended her hand for the sparkling metallic flakes.

"I'm going to regret this aren't I?" She laughed as she twisted the lid on the glitter so that it would sprinkle rather than pour its contents when upended.

"Me Mama, me glitters pleeease" Shay begged, bouncing up and down in her chair as she stretched as far as she could for the container.

"Here you go" She surrendered quickly, handing the toddler the glitter before she fell off her chair in excitement. Shay was absolutely fascinated by the container but knew she wasn't allowed to twist the lid so the opening was big enough to stick her fingers in. That always led to a grumpy Mama. "Sprinkle, sprinkle" Erin instructed having taken the time to spread glue across the frame, leaving some small stripes where silver would be added later.

"Sprinklin' glitters" Shay nodded, sounding serious as she tipped the container, the first few pieces of glitter drifting calmly to the table, only one lonesome fleck actually hitting the frame and even then it missed the glue. Seconds later Erin was quite sure there was more glitter than air in the room, Shay shaking wildly to cover the frame, table, universe in shiny red glitter. To Erin it was a chaotic glittering mess but she reminded herself it was also an anniversary present for her husband and that made it infinitely more valuable. Shay's contribution to its creation would also be something he valued. "Mama will Chasey read me stories 'fore sleeps when you anniversaring?" Shay enquired while her mother took the glitter from her, insisting that it was finished.

"Yeah of course, or Nadia maybe" Erin smiled, lifting the frame carefully to tip the excess glitter off.

"Can Nada read?" Shay demanded, sounding rather too surprised by the revelation.

"Yep" She confirmed, making sure her glitter free stripes were clear before adding lines of glue.

"But Mama you can't go" Shay argued, mind racing as she thought of all the things her mother was responsible for.

"Why?" Erin enquired as she spread the glue right to the edges of the red glitter coating.

"Sooty, you gots to feed Sooty and me, I be hungry starvin' if you no cookin' me dinners" Shay whined dramatically.

"Chase can do that. Daddy even taught him to make pancakes" She comforted, handing the toddler the silver glitter.

"I no eat pancakes for dinner! That's silly Mama" Shay grumbled, putting the glitter down as she continued to see that her mother leaving would be a complete disaster.

"He can cook other things too, you won't be hungry" She replied more firmly, pressing the glitter container back into Shay's hand to redirect her back to the activity.

"Oh! No! No you can't go 'way leave us Mama" Shay cried suddenly, dropping the glitter as she raised her hands, first covering her gasp then scrunching her hair, a clear sign of distress.

"Why not?" Erin put to her, not sure how much was acting. At this rate Shay wasn't going to be a firefighter or a policewoman, she was destined for stardom, bright lights and high drama.

"Emmy needs your boobies!" Shay wailed, flopping back in her chair as she struggled to work out how her mother had forgotten something so important. If it came to it she could climb into the fridge and eat something, that wouldn't work for her little sister though, their mother would have to stay.

"She just needs the milk they make, and I've been putting some of my milk in the freezer for her. Emmy won't be hungry either, you can help Chase feed her the bottle" Erin explained gently, trying to take Shay's concerns seriously when they were adorably amusing.

"She likes your boobies but" Shay reminded, though Ember didn't actually seem to be able to tell the difference.

"I know…" She accepted, starting to sprinkle the glitter before the glue dried.

"And you gots to pat her just goodly when she cryin'" Shay added, convinced her mother didn't realise how important that job was.

"Chase can pat her, or you can" She suggested.

"But you her Mama, that's your job you know!" Shay prompted incredulously, her mother couldn't have gotten enough sleep if she was being so silly.

"Well I need a break from that job so I'm going to go away with Daddy, if you don't want to stay with Chase and Nadia I can ask Papa Hank and you might be able to stay with him" Erin proposed as the only available alternative, suspecting that Shay was using Ember as an excuse because she didn't want her mother to go.

"Hmm…" Shay pondered for a few moments, still staring up at the ceiling. "I stay Chasey-Nada… 'cause they watches Frozen" She reasoned.

"Papa Hank watches Frozen" Erin stated in his defence, he had watched the movie at least a dozen times, though that was probably the least amongst Shay's regular carers.

"But he make faces Mama, with hims tongue… like this… Papa Hanky does not like Frozen. He doesn't sing with me" Shay explained, poking her tongue out and giving a very Voight frown. They mightn't be genetically related but Erin could definitely see her father figure in her daughter's displeased expression.

"Chase and Nadia will sing with you, I'll tell them to" Erin confirmed as she tried to remember the last time Hank had watched Frozen, he certainly didn't sing. Chase and Nadia probably wouldn't want to either but if that was what it took for Shay to have a good weekend she was definitely going to mention it to them.

"Thank you Mama" Shay smiled as she sighed loudly, still not happy about the prospect of a parentless weekend but distracted by the urge to watch Frozen.

"And I'll call on the phone at bedtime to say goodnight" Erin added, handing the glitter over to Shay now that the toddler had calmed down enough to sprinkle silver around the rest of the frame. Erin concluded that it looked rather festive but wasn't sure how to remedy that without ruining what they had already done.

"Umkay… If I has ice creams… And bubbles in my baths" Shay negotiated for no particular reason.

"That can be arranged" She laughed, she would definitely miss these crazy conversations over the weekend.

"Who?" Shay questioned, finding it hard to sprinkle and concentrate on listening.

"Not who. I will arrange for Chase to give you dessert and put lots of bubbles in your bath… as long as you promise not to eat them" She requested, remembering the way Shay had cried during bath time the night before.

"They tastes yucky" Shay remembered sticking her tongue out the way she had after shoving the handful of foam in her mouth.

"Why did you try to eat them then?" Erin questioned, at first she had suspected it was an accident but her husband's description of the incident indicated that it had been quite intentional.

"So I fly" Shay explained.

"Ahh…" She could see the logic, flawed as it was. "What do you think? Finished?" She asked as she steadied the toddler's hand and pointed at the liberally glittered photo frame.

"No, gots to puts sticky sparkles and cheese" Shay argued as she pointed to the packet of stick-on plastic jewels.

"Cheese?" Erin repeated, not sure Shay even knew what she had said.

"I hungry" Shay complained.

"Alright, let's put some sticky jewels on and then we can clean up and have some lunch" She encouraged, putting the lid back on the glue and placing it with the glitter in the middle of the table. They stuck a jewel on each corner then set about cleaning up, since Shay hadn't had contact with the glue it was far easier than usual, shaking the tablecloth out in the backyard requiring the most effort.

"Who gon' make my lunches when you goed 'way?" Shay questioned as she shadowed her mother into the kitchen.

"Chase or Nadia" Erin answered simply as she started making Shay's lunch, half a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich with cheese, carrot and celery sticks on the side.

"Does Nada know I has PB-'tella triangles?" Shay asked seriously.

"You can ask her to make peanut butter and Nutella triangles and as long as you say please I'm sure she'll do it."

"If she does it wrongly but… I calls you telly-phone and you get grumpy at silly Nada?" Shay requested with a cheeky grin.

"No, Nadia is going to be doing her best. I know you probably don't want us to go away but we are and you're going to have to be on your best behaviour for Chase and Nadia. If you're good I'm sure they'll try to make the weekend fun. Okay?" Erin questioned, lifting the toddler to sit on the bench.

"Can we still go library?" Shay asked softly, that remained her biggest concern since she knew Chase could look after Ember.

"Yes" She answered though she was a little annoyed the toddler seemed to have ignored her.

"Okay then, I be goodly bestest, promise" Shay decided, sneaking a cheese stick from the chopping board while maintaining eye contact with her mother.

"Thank you princess" Erin nodded, leaning forward to kiss Shay's forehead when the toddler launched herself, lucky to be caught in a hug.

* * *

"Can I just…?" Erin questioned softly as she stopped a few steps behind her husband, bent over and digging through her underwear drawer. She had noticed the open bag on the bed so it was clear what he was doing, packing for her, but since it was only Wednesday night his timing was questionable.

"Hmm?" He asked, dropping the scrap of lace as he turned and backed away.

"Pyjamas" She answered, hiking the sagging towel up around herself before closing the top drawer to retrieve clothing from the second. "You haven't packed me any" She noted, looking first at the contents of the drawer and then the bag on the bed, he had made quite a start on undergarments though.

"I have" He defended, tearing his eyes from her exposed thighs for long enough to cross to the bed, pulling two of his own t-shirts out from the bottom of the bag. "Pyjamas."

"That's totally cheating! Pack these" She demanded, offering the pyjamas she had just selected.

"No! I get to pack for you, I like it when you wear my shirts, they look better on you and you wear them to bed half the time anyway. Plus, nobody's going to see you in them… Except me" He argued, pleased with his ability to justify in a way that she had to see was reasonable.

"Fine, I might just have to pack some of my clothes for you" Erin shrugged as he tucked the shirts back into the bag.

"My clothes fit you babe, be reasonable" He requested, he could see what she was saying, if he was packing for her and, to be honest, making less than sensible choices that she would be forced to make do with it was only fair that she had complete control over his clothing choices as well.

"Okay… speaking reasonably those don't fit, neither do they, or those…" She informed, pointing to the three bras he had selected, one for sentimental reasons, the red she had worn on their honeymoon, the other two were simply the most revealing. This was tested by holding the bra cup up to the face and assessing how much of the room could still be distinguished. He was glad she hadn't entered the room during the testing phase, if she had she probably would have volunteered to go topless, not seeing the appeal in wearing something that he just wanted to see through.

"Oh" He accepted, removing them, and the matching panties, from the bag and moving back to the drawer.

"I'm sorry" Erin apologised, observing the look of disappointment on his face as he put his favourite lacy items away, following her very strict drawer organisation method carefully.

"What about this?" He questioned, digging a lacy article out from amongst the pile of boring normal bras in the everyday pile.

"That's a nursing bra… but it fits if you like it" She attempted, taking it from him to point out the extra clasps.

"I'm sure you could make that sexy" He joked weakly.

"One of these has to fit, the white one I bought after Shay…" She said, more to herself, as she pushed him aside and started going through the drawer herself, his caution purposeless as she ignored order.

"What erm… what size would you be?" He enquired offhandedly, taking the nursing bra to check the tag.

"So subtle…" She teased then groaned, half of the bras in the drawer were never going to fit her again but for some unknown reason she kept them. She couldn't bring herself to ruin the surprise and tell him about her purchases from the day before.

"Just out of curiosity" He deflected quickly with an innocent shrug.

"Here it is" She announced triumphantly as she found the item she was looking for, holding it up proudly. Kelly remembered it instantly, one of the hooks was slightly bent and undoing it was difficult, at the same time he didn't need to hold it up to test transparency.

"And it fits?" He asked excitedly, resisting the urge to hug her because letting go would be hard, especially since she was still only wearing a towel. Even though she gripped the towel firmly with one hand it had still slipped slightly, barely covering her, something he couldn't help but notice.

"I'll have to try it on" She concluded, watching him swallow hard as he struggled not to stare.

"Mmm" He managed after a moment.

"You gonna be okay?" She questioned, stuffing the bra into the hand holding the towel before taking his chin in her hand, tilting his head up until his eyes met hers.

"I'm fine" He frowned, shaking his head as he stepped back, just in time to get a full length view of her naked form as she dropped the towel. Erin struggled not to laugh as he turned his head to look away, breath catching in his throat as he thought of anything but the woman before him. Closing his eyes he tried to picture his wife, hair stuck to her forehead with sweat, remembering Ember's birth in all its terrifying detail. Usually that worked.

"Ta-da" She uttered softly, knowing he wouldn't be able to look, smiling smugly to herself as she struggled with the clasp for a second. The flash of blue was unexpected, Kelly risking a glance just as the lace came loose, transfixed by the strap sliding down her perfect arm he couldn't look away. Then she let a deep laugh escape and his eyes went from bulging to tightly closed.

"Ugh" He groaned as he stumbled blindly, falling back onto the bed he tried desperately to control himself. Taking deep breaths as Erin dropped the bra into the bag and pulled on the pyjamas she had left on the end of the bed only a few moments ago. He hadn't moved and continued to groan so she found some matching underwear and dropped them into the bag before crawling onto the bed over him.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to tease you…" She whispered, it was one hell of a lie but it had the desired effect and he squirmed beneath her, shying away from her breath.

"Get off" He pleaded barely audibly, opening his eyes to watch as her lips descended for a light kiss.

"I'm sorry… for not fitting into the underwear you like. I'm not at all sorry for this" She tried again, his hands sliding up under her shirt as he leaned in to the kiss.

"Don't you dare be sorry for these, these are amazing, you are amazing" He said firmly as he rolled her on to her back and cupped her full breasts in his hands. "Emmy loves them… almost as much as I do, but this weekend I don't have to share with her. I'm happy to wait for that" He concluded, kissing each breast through her shirt before releasing her and sitting up. His only disappointment was that now he knew exactly what she would be wearing on Friday night, with three sets there would have been an element of surprise.

"Oh, don't go" She requested, he knew what she was saying and turned to look at her, shocked. That was where Shay's big bottom lip came from.

"I'm gonna have a shower" He informed gently, giving an almost apologetic smile before getting up.

"No…" She groaned, seizing his hand before he could get any further away, the tables had turned but she was the one who had made the rule.

"Ow" He complained, pulling his hand free, surprised that the red marks were still there almost an hour later. "Shay bit me when I said she had glitter in her hair, any idea why?" He asked, curious and hoping to provide a distraction and get rid of the rejected look on her face.

"Kelly please, I don't want to wait anymore" She tried, regretting ever starting it, knowing she deserved to suffer just as much as he had.

"Try to get some sleep, you won't be getting any this weekend" He chuckled, waving playfully as he made his way to the bathroom. Closing and locking the door just in case she tried to come after him, that he certainly wouldn't be able to resist. Erin groaned loudly before Ember started to grizzle in her crib, her unhappy noises summing up exactly how her mother felt.

"Bubba wants the boob" Erin acknowledged as she got up slowly and retrieved the hungry baby.

* * *

"Daddy!" Shay shrieked, lurching excitedly in her mother's arms as her father looked in nervously from the other side of the glass window.

"Hmm?" Erin questioned distractedly, busy looking at the photos laid out on the bench before her, ignoring the toddler who had always been wriggly.

"These turned out really well, didn't they Shay?" Maryanne encouraged, pointing to the photographic Kelly in their family portrait. With the fireman's help she had rearranged her storeroom enough to let him out the back door, escaping with the two printed canvasses just as his wife entered through the front. Of course now he realised how much easier it would have been if he had said he'd pick the photos up on the way home from work. Except he wasn't going home, Erin needed the photos for his present and she would have had even more reason to suspect he was up to something. Which, admittedly, he was. He just had to get to the car. Shay had spotted him though and if Erin turned to see what the toddler was carrying on about he would be caught red handed.

"Daddy, Mama look Daddy!" Shay exclaimed, pointing wildly as her father dashed from the side of the building to his car, parked right out the front, one over from his wife's. How she hadn't noticed he had no idea but right now was not the time to question it.

"Shay" Erin complained as the toddler slid down to the floor, narrowly avoiding her little sister in the car seat at her mother's feet. Shay wouldn't be able to get through the heavy glass door so Erin let her go, not taking her eyes off the incredible photographs. Maryanne had captured what she couldn't, something she didn't know was possible, the two dimensional images somehow radiated love. Their happy faces as much for the camera as they were for each other. That was all she had ever wanted, a family that loved each other, now she realised she had had that all along, from that first night with Kelly to now, with a family of five. Chase looked natural amongst them and Shay and Ember were beautiful, and it wasn't just because she was their mother that she thought it. Getting photos of the girls looking so perfect was something she struggled with, they always seemed to be pulling faces or mid-sneeze when she remembered to pull out her phone and capture a moment. The professional photographs were mesmerising and Erin couldn't tear her eyes away even as Shay continued to carry on, mere background noise to elated mind. Maryanne tried to distract the toddler as she watched Kelly place the canvas prints in the back seat then climbed into the car himself. "Thank you" Erin remembered to say to the photographer, coming back to reality and realising Shay's calls for her absent father had become cries, about to turn around when something smashed to the floor.

"Oops!" Maryanne gasped, feigning surprise and horror as she rounded the bench to look at the shattered vase, large shards of glass spread across the floor. Perhaps it wasn't the best improvised distraction but it had certainly been effective, Shay was quiet and Erin wasn't going to turn around and see her husband.

"Oh" Erin managed in genuine surprise, crouching down to retrieve Ember from her car seat, the vase had fallen only a few feet away, waking her with a nasty shock. Maryanne had forgotten the baby and felt dreadful, apologising profusely as she instructed them to stay where they were and ran for a dust pan and brush to clean up the mess.

"Mama, Dada" Shay sobbed, exceptionally frustrated that her mother hadn't listened, and now, looking over her shoulder she could see that her father was gone. He had driven away while they were distracted by the broken vase, the triumph of a clean getaway in his mind was an absolute disaster in his daughter's.

"Which photo should we put in the frame we made for Daddy?" Erin questioned, raising her hand to indicate that Shay should stay where she was, the floor between them littered with glass fragments.

"Dada!" Shay repeated desperately, turning to slap her hand against the glass door. It was no use taking the time to find the words to explain, her mother would never believe that he had been right there when he was supposed to be at work.

"Shay, I know you're going to miss him but we're both going to call tonight before bed and in the morning when you wake up… we won't be far away and you'll be having fun with Chase and Nadia" Erin explained gently, suspecting that the toddler had just now realised she wouldn't be seeing her father again until Sunday. It was the only thing she could think of that explained Shay's behaviour but it still didn't feel right.

"No Mama! Daddy!" Shay yelled, hitting the door twice more for good measure.

"Alright, if you promise to be good while we're away we can stop by and visit him on the way home" She conceded, they would be driving in that direction anyway and the footsteps were fast approaching from the back of the studio.

"Sorry" Maryanne apologised for the hundredth time as she stooped to start sweeping nearest Shay, making her way across towards Erin, who had managed to settle Ember with her fingertip and some soft bouncing as she spoke with Shay.

"Accidents happen" Erin dismissed, trying to be friendly as she put the calmed baby back in her car seat, ready to make a quick exit when Maryanne was done. Even though she would be spending the next few days with her husband she was looking forward to stopping by the firehouse, hoping for another round in their ongoing competition to taunt and tease each other.

* * *

"Ahh, Severide nice of you to show up. Chase here was just telling me that not only have you had two lunches in a row but you're also getting an early mark tonight…" Matt Casey started, his accusatory tone immediately catching his fellow lieutenant off guard.

"Ace?" Kell demanded as he looked at the younger man.

"I didn't say it like that!" Chase defended rapidly, almost falling out of his chair in his haste to set Kelly straight.

"Relax, I just wanna know what I have to say to the chief to get the same flexible work arrangement going on" Matt laughed trying to diffuse the tension he had unintentionally created.

"It's anniversary stuff Matt, Boden doesn't want me to end up on the couch for a week the way he did" Kelly justified as he took a seat at the end of the squad table.

"Couch? I'm pretty sure Erin would kill you if you forgot" Matt corrected, not afraid to admit he was more than a little scared of the dangerous detective turned protective parent.

"This is the squad table, what do you want?" Kelly questioned, Matt's comments unnecessary and doing nothing to settle the uneasiness he felt. Not only had he made a narrow escape from the photo studio but he was seriously having second thoughts about Wednesday's lunchtime outing as well.

"You know how I said I was good to do those reports for the last few calls we worked together…" Matt began slowly.

"Yeah" Kelly prompted, starting to get an awful feeling about where the conversation was going.

"Well it turns out Aidie's learned to kick the ball so I'm going to go home and have a lounge room soccer match while the wife goes to some chick flick for 'me time'… And you're gonna write the reports" Matt smiled, paperwork just couldn't compete with Aiden tripping over a ball and laughing madly.

"Anniversary – you said you'd do them!" Kelly reminded, really hoping he could persuade Matt to stay true to his word. On today of all days Kelly just didn't have the time or patience to write reports.

"I did them last time and you still haven't bought the beer you owe me" Matt shrugged, letting Kelly know there was no chance of negotiation.

"You said yourself, Erin will kill me" Kelly recapped, holding his head in his hands as he tried to calculate if it was even possible to finish the reports and still get to the hotel in time.

"Nice knowin' ya" Casey offered as he got up, leaving Kelly in momentary shock. They had always gotten along, sure they had their differences but they remained friends and always did what they could to help each other out.

"Casey, I'll buy the beer, all the beer you want. Please, those reports will take me all afternoon… longer if we get called out" Kelly called desperately after the Truck lieutenant, who kept walking. Groaning while he ranted internally Kelly's eyes drifted to Chase, guilt written on his face.

"I'm really sorry, I'll help with the reports… right after I get back from lunch" The young man assured, pausing to check his watch midway through his sentence.

"What? Who said you could take lunch?" Kelly demanded, it would be so easy to take his frustration out on the kid.

"You did, when you asked me to cover you again today I figured it was a reciprocal arrangement. So…ah… cover me…boss?!" Chase attempted to joke as he got up, wondering where the line was but suspecting he had already crossed it. "I'm having lunch with Nadia at the diner down the street, you can stop by and pick me up if we get a call" He added before turning and leaving the angry lieutenant alone.

"Chasey" Shay squealed, spotting the fireman leaving the firehouse she was about to enter.

"Princess, Er, littler princess" Chase greeted, lifting the toddler up before making eye contact with her mother and catching the hand of the infant reclining in her hold.

"Hey, what's up?" Erin asked casually, bouncing Ember so she smiled up at Chase while Shay stretched, using his ear as a handle so she could play with his curls.

"I'm headed to lunch with Nadia, Kelly's inside… you might wanna give him a minute though…" Chase warned cautiously, he felt like he'd made his exit just in time but he'd never seen Kelly that angry when his family were present. One look at Shay and he understood why, the little girls made the little things seem irrelevant.

"Is he okay?" Erin enquired, face falling as she tried to work out what could possibly have gone wrong on what was supposed to be a good day.

"Yeah, just a communication…thing" Chase brushed off, wishing he hadn't said anything, especially now he was just worrying her more with his pathetic explanation.

"Right" Erin accepted, if he wasn't going to tell her what was happening his warning was completely pointless, it was still more than she would have had to go on otherwise.

"I don't want to be late" He mumbled apologetically, as he moved around her, Erin turning with him so that they just rotated one hundred and eighty degrees.

"Say hi to her for me" She requested with a smile, wanting Chase to know that everything was alright between them.

"Sure, see you tonight princess" He nodded before setting Shay down carefully, brushing her hair back out of her eyes before pulling a face to make her smile.

"Bye-bye Chasey" Shay called after him as he half skipped half jogged off down the footpath.

"Let's go see Daddy" Erin encouraged, offering a hand to Shay.

"I seed Daddy already" Shay reminded as she rushed off, ignoring her mother's hand entirely. She had explained in the car that he had been at the photography studio but her mother had just dismissed her claims and returned to the big question in her mind: which photo of put in the frame they had made him. "Daddy… you 'kay?" Shay questioned as she popped up between him and the table. Kelly still held his head in his hands, trying to motivate himself to get up, trudge to his office and start on the paperwork, and hadn't heard Shay coming.

"Oh! Hello big girl" He greeted, lifting her up for a hug, just what he needed in that moment.

"Hey" Erin smiled, leaning on the corner of the squad table.

"I didn't think I'd see you 'til tonight" He replied, returning her smile as he promptly forgot all the paperwork he had to do.

"You thought wrong. Tough day?" She asked, concerned eyes searching his face for any clue as to what was bothering him.

"No, everything's fine" He shrugged.

"Didn't look it" She pressed, letting him know that she hadn't been far enough behind Shay to have missed his slumped posture.

"I just… turns out I have a fair bit of paperwork to get through, I'll call you if I'm going to be late though. Are you having a good day? Just stopping by?" He questioned, turning the conversation back on her the moment he felt he had provided enough information.

"I seed you Daddy" Shay interrupted, narrowing her eyes as she jabbed a finger at his chest.

"Hmm?" He asked quickly, pretending not to have heard her while he tried to figure out how to play it.

"She thinks…" Erin started, only to be cut off by the toddler.

"I seed you at them photo shop" Shay informed, frowning as his forehead crinkled in confusion.

"What?"

"Daddy" Shay growled, his confusion only served to make her even more certain.

"I've been working sweetie, ask Chase" He suggested gently, looking to his wife for support.

"No" Shay denied, his refusal only making her more certain he had been up to something. If she wasn't so good at keeping secrets she would have told him about the photo frame just so he knew he could trust her. His baffled expression remained so Shay wriggled out of his hold and stomped away.

"Shay, where do you think you're going?" Erin questioned as the toddler got further away and showed no sign of stopping.

"Pouch" She yelled back before increasing her speed, running for the kitchen where she would no doubt find the friendly dog.

"How'd the photos turn out?" Kelly asked, ending the momentary paused as they watched Shay go. Catching then kissing Ember's tiny hand as he listened to his wife's response.

"Great, they're in the car, I didn't think to bring them in. Shay must have seen someone who looked like you, she was crying. I thought she was just upset that we're not going to be home tonight" Erin explained, finding the whole situation odd, Shay seemed adamant but Kelly wasn't quite as convincing.

"Tonight" He grinned, the wait was almost over.

"Mmm… we could go to your office for a preview…" She offered, letting her bottom lip slide slowly through her teeth before letting her tongue take center stage, swirling in slow motion to lick her lips.

"Ha, nice try, only thing happening in my office this afternoon is paperwork" Kelly informed miserably.

"Well go get on with it, send Shay out if you find her. If I were you I wouldn't want to be late tonight…" She motivated softly, looking around to make sure no one was listening.

"I love you, I'll see you tonight, all of you" He replied, a determined look spreading across his face as he got up.

"Hm" She acknowledged with a satisfied nod.

"I'll call you" He added, so daunted by the stack of reports waiting for him that he felt it necessary to reiterate his contingency plan.

"I'll start without you" Erin stepped closer to him to whisper, winking for good measure.

"Start what exactly?" He questioned, mouth suddenly as dry as a desert.

"Don't be late" She repeated, her words having the desired effect when he flinched as she placed her hand on his upper arm, steadying him as she kissed his cheek. Going in search of Shay while he shook his head, laughed because the alternative was to cry and marched off to his office, determined.

* * *

"Sorry I'm late" Nadia apologised as Shay led her into the lounge room by the hand, not stopping to let her take off her shoes or jacket.

"Oh, I hadn't noticed" Erin shrugged, stroking Ember's cheek as the baby fed slowly, already full when her mother had swapped sides, encouraging her to keep eating.

"Mama tell Nada" Shay requested, releasing Nadia's hand to point at the DVD player.

"Nadia, could you please sing along with Shay when you watch Frozen" Erin relayed, fulfilling the promise she had made to the toddler. A small apologetic smile directed towards the young adult at the necessity for such a stipulation and the considered choice of words in choosing 'when' instead of 'if' they watched the animated film.

"Of course" Nadia nodded, shrugging her jacket off and stepping back out into the hall to hang it up, slipping off her shoes at the same time. Making her way back to the lounge room she couldn't help but smile, Shay had climbed up onto her mother's lap cuddling around her little sister. She felt somewhat like an intruder and seriously hoped the girls would remain this peaceful when their mother left.

"I'm just going to finish feeding Em then I'll…"

"Go have fun" Nadia finished firmly. "We'll be fine won't we Shay?" She enthused, moving Roary so she could sit down across from the cuddling trio of Severides.

"Nada sleepober Mama" Shay reminded, patting her mother's hand increasingly hard until she was released, sliding to the floor then rushing to snatch Roary from Nadia. She cuddled the stuffed lion to her chest for a moment then climbed up next to her aunt, sitting Roary down on her other side. Erin breathed a sigh of relief at what could easily have turned into a massive drama for the two year old, apparently she was the one feeling especially sensitive due the looming separation.

"Are you sure you'll be okay by yourself?" Erin questioned, desperately searching for some reason to stay, even if it was just for a little bit longer. Chase wouldn't be home until after eight which meant Nadia would have to get through dinner alone. Erin knew Nadia was capable or she never would have considered her for the role in the first place, she just had to trust that she had made the right decision and that her new found hesitance was a result of concern clouding her judgement.

"Yeah, Emmy looks like she's gonna take a while to digest, Shay and I will find something to do" Nadia assured, smiling at Shay when she looked away from Ember, snuffling softly as she started to doze, obviously overfed.

"Nada gonna read me Mama" Shay declared, her mother insisted that her aunt was capable of reading but she wanted to make sure before bedtime.

"Okay" Nadia accepted, of all the requests the toddler could have made reading seemed quite reasonable.

"That's a good idea" Erin agreed, untucking Ember's shirt to rub her bloated stomach, attempting to keep the baby awake so she would keep feeding.

"Let her sleep, I promise I'll feed her" Nadia suggested gently, it was clear Erin thought that if she kept Ember feeding she would never have to leave. "Why don't you come show me how you want me to make her bottles" She encouraged instead, knowing her friend well enough to know that she wouldn't be leaving without giving thorough instructions on just about everything.

"Yeah, okay" Erin agreed, taking her time with Ember and listening carefully to the conversation Shay had initiated, asking Nadia if she knew what ice hockey was. Usually she would have left the sleeping baby in her bouncy chair but there was no way she was letting her go just yet, performing her demonstrations one handed. First teaching Nadia to read the dates on the frozen milk then taking her through warming, feeding and washing the bottles. Then came the attempts at delaying, a brief guide to operating their oven, under the premise that she would need to reheat the dinner pre-prepared for them. The whiteboard on the fridge was covered with information, including a rough schedule, and the jumbo sticky notes next to the phone had every possible contact number they might need. They stopped in the laundry where Erin came to the conclusion that she was being slightly ridiculous, handing Ember to Nadia then heading upstairs to get their bags. She hadn't brought them down earlier for a reason, she knew she would need a moment to remind herself that she wasn't a terrible parent for leaving her two year old and eleven week old for two nights, sucking in deep calming before descending. Erin suspected Shay's complete lack of a reaction was because she took the bags out to the car then returned to say goodbye. The toddler probably thought she was just going out to the car again, squirming free of the hug to play with the shoelaces on Nadia's shoes. Ember also couldn't have cared less, not stirring for a second as her mother hugged and kissed her goodbye. And that realisation was what did it, the knowledge that her girls would be fine without her.

"Er, I'll look after them" Nadia assured confidently, not sure what more she could say to the toughest woman she knew, in tears at the front door.

"Mmm, mhmm" Erin sniffled, doing everything she could to contain her emotions as she let Nadia take Ember. Shay opened the door and held it for her, a squeaky sob burst free but she kept walking, not stopping to think until she sat at traffic lights a few minutes later. The weekend had better be worth it. Erin arrived at the hotel and checked in with as few words as possible, swiping her card to enter the same elevator she'd been in at the start of the week, up to the eighteenth floor then to the door at the far end of the corridor. Even in her dazed state she had to gasp at how stunning the room was, spacious, light and airy but still warm and just a little homely. The bed dominated to the left while a large lounge and dining space occupied the right hand side of the suite, the far wall floor to ceiling glass with spectacular views of the city. Leaving the bags at the end of the bed she poked her head into the bathroom, fumbling for the light switch before grinning at the huge spa bath in the corner. Set on the shelf over the bath were a bowl of bath bombs and a bottle of incredible smelling bath oil, Erin sat on the edge inhaling the wondrous light scent of rose, vanilla and somehow the ocean as well, for a full minute. Admiring the bottle, which was in itself a work of art, she placed it back, eyes passing over the toilet, shower and double basins as she stood up. Only just realising the wall behind the door was actually a huge mirror, allowing her to see two white waffle weave cotton bathrobes hanging on the back of the door.

Satisfied after exploring the room she settled on the plump white leather couch and sipped a bottle of water, noting the sticker that informed guests that the contents of the bar fridge were complimentary. She ended up lying on her stomach, chin resting on the arm of the couch as she stared out at the city, cars looking like ants far below, planes and helicopters defying gravity as they soared overhead, the perfect vantage point to see the things she usually overlooked. In no time at all the sun was setting and, yawning, Erin sat up, pulling her phone from her pocket to check the time. Starting to feel excited she got up, padding across the plush carpet to her bag, or rather his bag, which contained the shirt she wanted to change into. Deciding against working out how the electric blinds worked she stepped into the bathroom, floaty black satin singlet and black lace bra in hand. The temptation was simply too strong and before she knew it she was stepping into the bath, settling back to pass the time until he arrived. Even if she did have to get out to let him in she was sure he wouldn't mind if she returned; in fact he would probably be happy to join her, if he wasn't still at his desk working away, time forgotten.

Erin had no idea how long had passed but she knew it was too long. It wasn't just that she hadn't been left undisturbed for such a long period in years nor the fact that she was running out of things to think, it was almost pitch black and the water was getting cold. The lights reflecting in from the city weren't enough to illuminate the vast bathroom but her eyes had adjusted with the waning light, allowing her to see well enough to wrap a towel around herself and slip her feet into the fluffy white slippers. Trudging out into the room, using her phone as a light source, she located the switches and became just another one of the bright rectangles in the sky. He was over an hour late so she gave dialled his number, nothing, his phone must have run out of battery or been turned off. Muttering to herself she made her way back to the bathroom to get dressed, black lace undergarments hidden beneath denim and satin, letting her half damp hair down from its messy bun. She located the remote and lost herself in the television, repeats from the first season of her favourite show, back when the characters were interns at a fictional hospital in New York. Then came the room service menu, ordering for herself but finding the huge bowl of pasta enough for a small army, putting it aside for her husband, if he ever decided to turn up. Long having given up she was drifting in and out of sleep on the couch when the rap of knuckles on the door roused her. She got up slowly, turning the television off and tossing the remote onto the coffee table before running a hand through her hair as she walked to the door. There he stood, still in his work clothes, a combination of terror and sorrow on his face. "Hey" She said, voice soft due to a lack of use, almost surprised to see him.

"Hey" He returned, pausing to look at her instead of to seek admittance, he knew he was in serious trouble. "I should have called…I know" He confessed and just like that her eyes lit up, fatigue forgotten as her frown became a smile and she stepped forward, just a half step, confident.

"You don't ever have to call" She answered, struggling to hide her smile but managing to keep her eyes downcast until the last word. Now he understood, he could never forget those words or the glorious way she said them. Even better was what came next, in order to continue to replicate their first night together all those years ago he would have to kiss her, now. So he did, watching her intently before leaning down to capture her full lips, holding it for a second as her hand found its way to his neck. Pulling his entire body forward instead of just his mouth. He advanced, one step then two, idle hand pushing the door closed before finding her waist, losing no time in sliding up under her shirt. Mouths, now reacquainted, began a furious battle, joined moments later by nimble fingers. First his jacket, then her shirt, his tossed aside, stepping out of their pants at about the same time as she backed towards the bed, leading him as she had the first time. He paused for an instant to admire her body then freed her breasts, sliding the remaining lace down her silky legs as they fell to the bed together. Above her now they both slowed, lips hypersensitive, trading soft kisses as they stared raptly. "I just have one request" She gasped, trying to get the words out and air in at the same time, hurrying before his lips descended again.

"Yeah?" He questioned, that sounded wrong, that was wrong, what on earth had he said?

"Name it" She supplied, just a little disappointed.

"What?" He asked, beyond confused, that definitely wasn't right.

"Name it, you're supposed to say name it, don't you remember?" She demanded, shifting beneath him as she sighed, that night had been perfect and for a moment she had been back there again, not a care in the world. Except her city had crumbled that day and her life had flashed before her eyes in the glint of a hunting knife.

"I remember that night… just not the words" He answered softly, wishing his mind could remember the little details the way hers obviously could. At the time he had felt far more invested in their budding relationship than she was, the morning after she had almost seemed to regret answering the door, letting him in, all the way in even if it was just for a little while.

"Mmm" She smiled, the words definitely weren't what mattered, but there was magic to them. The way he made her feel safe, that it was okay to open up, in a dozen words or less.

"Okay, alright. Name it?" He requested, hoping to get things back on track.

"Stay the night?..." She replied, pausing while her heart thudded away, producing an identical feeling. "Stay all the nights" She finished, improvising, it wasn't great but it worked.

"You didn't say that" Kelly complained, if he had to remember she had to stick to the script as well.

"I modified it to fit the situation, husband" She justified with an exasperated growl.

"Sorry" He whispered before saying his next line confidently, "I'm not going anywhere" He assured, arm wrapping around her shoulders as she pressed against him for a kiss. Her tongue swirled across his bottom lip, hungry for more, he granted her access just as she did him. His hand sliding further and further down, taking hold just above her knee to part her legs, gaining what he desired most. Erin moaned, she hadn't the first night, scared to let him know just how incredible he felt, wanting to keep something for herself. Smiling into her mouth he rolled, letting her set the pace as he took her hair in his fist, angling her head for maximum access to her neck. Her hands coursed down his body, muscles tensing beneath her fingertips. Hands entwined moments later as she initiated a change of position, kissing him quickly before his mouth claimed a breast, one hand assisting while the other held her hip, on top of her again. It was impossible to distinguish her moans, soft whimpers and deeper, primal, noises of pleasure a constant. Building up to a climax that hit them simultaneously, they weren't individuals anymore, merely two parts of a whole.


	151. Chapter 151

"Thank you" Kelly whispered softly, pulling back from the kiss to look at his wife, blowing lightly across her face to send a few strands of hair back to where they belonged.

"For?" She questioned, thumb smoothing his eyebrow affectionately.

"Marrying me" He answered with a smile.

"Thank you" She returned after pausing for a moment to wriggle upward slightly, legs still tangled, on top of the bed rather than in it.

"Mmm?" Erin could feel the vibrations in his chest as he wordlessly sought elaboration, one arm trapped beneath her, hand at the small of her back, the other traced the curve of her breast mindlessly. They didn't often have the chance to enjoy this time, the after when they were neither fully awake nor tired, savouring the atmosphere of unity.

"For asking…" She sighed, "I didn't ever think I could want this."

"Or you didn't think you deserved it…" He analysed, realising too late that his timing was off.

"I have it and I want it, so thank you" She reiterated before pressing her mouth to his, smiling as she couldn't help but reflect on her past. He was right, four or five years ago she never would have dreamed she could have so much happiness, so much love. Enough for a husband and two beautiful daughters, they would never have featured amongst her predictions for the future. Kelly knew what she was doing and for a moment did the same, meeting April not too long ago had brought back a chapter in his life he would rather have forgotten forever. The uncertainty he had felt, unloved and unwanted, it had been a bumpy ride but the destination was so very worth it.

"You're going to have to put these back on at some point" He suggested some time later, fingers trailing from her breast down her side then across the bed to where her panties lay discarded. Holding them up now for her to see.

"You like them?" She laughed, letting him admire the intricate geometric pattern, she had felt compelled to buy them instantly given their diversity from the usual floral designs.

"No" He replied flatly.

"Oh…" Erin couldn't help but sound disappointed as she acknowledged his denial.

"No, a bit of lace is pretty insignificant really… put it on you and well…that does something to me" He continued, justifying his response as he used his thumb and forefinger to inch his way around the waistband of the garment in question, viewing them from every angle.

"I wanted to say something on Wednesday… but I thought you'd prefer a surprise" She explained, feeling much better now that she knew she hadn't wasted her time and their money on something he didn't like.

"You know me so well" He beamed, kissing her forehead, then her nose and finally her lips.

"I have been married to you for a year" She reasoned.

"And you deserve presents for that, but it's a year tomorrow so we'll open presents tomorrow yeah? Thanks for these though" He added, not really sure what to do with the panties.

"You think I bought you presents? These are for me…" She laughed as she snatched them from him, ribs meeting the arm beneath her as she moved.

"Put them on then" He encouraged, fingers drifting down her side, almost to her knee given how much smaller she was than him.

"Okay" She agreed, sitting up and moving to the edge of the bed to comply. "I have to call Chase though, he was supposed to call me when they were putting Shay to bed but he must have forgotten" She continued as she stood.

"They'll be fine" He assured gently, missing her warmth against his side instantly.

"I cried" She admitted as she crouched at the end of the bed, pulling the matching lace trimmed silk robe from the bag she had packed for him.

"When?" He demanded, she was his wife, if something was bothering her it was his responsibility to fix it.

"This afternoon… I don't know why I married you… you and your daughters have turned me soft" She grumbled meaninglessly, looking down at him while he marvelled at how perfect she was. The robe covered more than most swimsuits but she hadn't done it up so there was plenty of skin still on display.

"Very soft, I meant to ask, new moisturizer?" He questioned, eyes still transfixed on her exposed skin, she had felt incredible beneath his fingertips and already he longed to touch her again. She raised her eyebrows and frowned, giving him the chance to formulate a more appropriate response. "I don't think that's a bad thing."

"No, I know it's not. I know why I married you, you're a good person and a wonderful father. Our girls are the most precious gift and you gave me them" She felt compelled to clarify even though she was quite sure he knew she was just complaining and didn't mean what she had said.

"It was teamwork" He corrected softly, leaning forward until he caught her wrist, pulling her back down to the bed, wrapping his arms around her to hold her to his chest.

"Why me?" She asked in barely a whisper.

"Hmm?"

"The night of the bombing, why did you pick me?" She repeated, filling out her statement to give him context.

"Er…" He requested, it wasn't an easy question, not now. Not from his wife.

"I know you're not who you were then… but I've always wondered why, when you could have had anyone, you chose me?" She persisted.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you, I had to see you. Cruz and Mills told us what happened, the bomber taking you hostage" He provided, it was the best answer she was going to get.

"He was just an accomplice" She corrected, that was one of her reasons for letting him in. Life was short and even when a near death experience was just a normal aspect of her job she couldn't pretend it hadn't affected her.

"I could have lost you, but I didn't have you… I wanted you…and that night, I knew you needed me too" He added carefully.

"I thought you were Hank, before I answered the door I thought you were Hank checking in on me… I was fine" She explained, she really had thought it was her father figure doing his fatherly duty. Normally he would have stopped by but that night he called instead, leaving a message when she didn't answer, respecting her desire to be alone, or at least not with him.

"I know" He smiled, never would meant to have suggested that she was anything but fine; tough, strong, capable and resilient.

"I'm gonna call our boy to see if the girl we made that night is asleep" She decided, he fought for a second then released her, allowing her to cross to the coffee table and retrieve her phone, double checking that she hadn't missed a call since her husband had arrived and distracted her.

"I might have a shower, just quickly, I smell all smoky" Kelly said, screwing up his face as he turned his head and smelled himself. He typically would have showered at the firehouse but tonight he didn't want to be any later than he already was.

"Okay, I had a bath already" Erin smiled, wanting him to know that he had chosen the perfect room and that she hadn't minded the time alone.

"Fair enough, I'm sorry by the way, fire at a tea shop" He explained, realising he hadn't yet given any reason for his delayed arrival.

"Is that why you smell so good? There's dinner too, room service, the microwave's in the cupboard" She pointed, holding the phone to her ear as she waited for Chase to answer.

"Well those were your two demands for the weekend, looks like we'll just have to work on the hot sex part" Kelly concluded as he sat up, not sure he shouldn't take the phone from her and carry her back to the bed.

"Let me talk to Chase first" She requested, apparently reading his mind.

"I'll be in the shower… waiting" He announced, eager to see the bathroom in person, hoping it was as good as the photos on the website suggested.

**I know it's not much but it's a start and it's better than nothing right? I'm going skiing (well technically I snowboard) for two weeks but I bought a portable internet modem thingymajiggy yesterday so I should still be able to post chapters… I'm not sure I'll have much time to write but I'm really trying. My recent absence was because I have been working really hard on lots of scholarship applications… **


	152. Chapter 152

"Oh, sorry" Erin rushed to apologise when he stepped out of the bathroom half an hour later, a less than pleased expression on his face. She sat up straight after slouching on the couch for most of his absence, still trying to process the information her phone call had yielded, the idea of joining him in the shower long forgotten.

"That's okay, I figured you were still talking to Shay" He shrugged, disappointed but confident they would have plenty of opportunity over the remainder of their stay.

"It's almost ten" She reasoned frustratedly, looking at her phone before tossing it carelessly onto the coffee table, if not for the case Powell had put it in the device would likely have succumbed to such rough treatment, clattering loudly on the hard surface.

"What's wrong?" He asked gently, dropping the towel from his hips and pulling on boxers and sweat pants, she had been far more practical, though now he looked properly he noticed a distinct lack of shirts in the bag she had packed. That didn't bother him in the slightest and he smiled softly as he straightened, shirtless.

"She's not in bed yet! They decided to watch Frozen after dinner and they've been rewinding all the songs because Shay wants them to sing properly so it's going forever. They're messing around. We never let her watch movies after dinner, its bath, book and bed. That's the routine. Chase knows that. Nadia should too. I told her… I wrote it on the whiteboard" She explained knowing it was irrational, she needed something though, anything that would serve as an excuse to go home. She didn't consciously want to leave but she had to, it wasn't even Shay she was worried about. Nadia had assured her Ember was fed and fast asleep despite their antics but it still didn't feel right to leave her, eleven weeks seemed far too young and her medical history wasn't making it any easier.

"So are you annoyed that Shay's not in bed or that we're not there to put her to bed?" He enquired, picking the towel up off the ground, hanging it over his shoulder until he had a chance to return to the bathroom. "On two nights out of thousands" He added, a nudge towards his opinion on the matter. They dedicated a majority of their time to their daughters, but now, for less than forty-eight hours they needed to focus on themselves and each other. That was how their marriage would survive for another year, for many more years, and Erin understood that, it was just hard to switch off.

"What's that?" She demanded as he neared, the large, square, flesh tone self-adhesive bandage on his upper arm coming into view. Her eyes had been scanning his muscular body, drawn upward by the flick of his towel.

"Hmm?" She hadn't given him any context and when he turned to look around, past himself, for whatever had sparked the change of topic, he couldn't see anything out of place that would catch her attention so suddenly.

"Did you get hurt? Are you okay? What happened?" She questioned rapidly, pointing as she got up, rushing at him to inspect the injury. Wondering how she hadn't noticed it earlier and why he hadn't mentioned it before now. It was the reality check she needed, once again she had been being incredibly selfish.

"Oh that? Self-inflicted, have a look" He suggested, turning to angle his arm towards her, almost proudly.

"Is it bad? I don't want to see it if it's gross" She hesitated, pressing a kiss to the rounded tip of his shoulder before cringing and tracing her finger lightly around the edge of the waterproof dressing.

"Squeamish?" He enquired, wondering if the aversion to blood and gore she had acquired while pregnant had persisted.

"When you're involved, yes" She supplied, concern etched on her face as she looked up at him, fingers still moving softly across his upper arm.

"Have a look, it's not gross… I hope" He added, looking a little worried himself as she held eye contact with him for a moment longer. Then her fingertips found the corner of the dressing, pulling with even pressure to peel it away from his skin as carefully as she could. With the top free she started on the left side, revealing the last thing she expected to see. Not a wound at all, but a brand new tattoo. "What do you think?"

"Umm…wow" She managed, shocked, she recognised the numbers immediately, three dates in two fonts decorated the breast of a phoenix, covering the majority of his deltoid, flaming feathery tendrils extending around and up his arm. The middle date, in a neat script, a year ago tomorrow while the top and bottom numbers marked two and a half years ago and less than three months ago, their daughters birthdates. They were important numbers, she wouldn't have asked for them to be engraved on his present if she didn't think they held significance for both of them but a tattoo. That was permanent. The abundance of room below Ember's birthdate didn't go unnoticed either.

"Mmm?" He prompted, smiling broadly now. She might have said that she bought the lingerie for herself but the tattoo was genuinely and entirely for himself.

"I don't know… It's permanent" She stated matter-of-factly, opening and closing her mouth a few times as she tried to think of something more to say.

"Permanently inked right there." He nodded, still smiling. "Not quite finished though, I'll get some more colour when this has healed up" He added, running his finger up the wings of the mighty beast, currently looking a little less magnificent as his body tried to heal the hundreds of tiny punctures.

"Are you sure? I mean it's too late now I guess…" She shook her head, replacing the dressing so she could look up at him instead of staring at the red, orange and black permanent marking.

"Our girls are forever and I married you forever, the guy who did it was a professional and it's clean and as safe as it gets… I wanted it" He tried to justify, as much as he wanted the tattoo and had done it for himself he desperately wanted her approval on the matter. He liked that she wanted to see him without a shirt and he didn't want a tattoo to change that.

"Mhmm" She acknowledged, they were valid points but she still couldn't believe he had actually done it. Getting married forever, wearing a ring forever was very different to having the date on his body forever. As happy as they were she couldn't help but anticipate it wouldn't always be so.

"You don't like it?" He questioned, seeing no point in dodging the question any further, a simple yes or no all he sought.

"It's not my body. If you're happy and you want it forever then it's none of my business" She answered diplomatically.

"But you don't like it?" He repeated, reaching out to cup her cheek so she was forced to look at him as she answered, a frown indicating her displeasure at that fact.

"I don't like that you left space for three more…" She smiled, shaking her head so his hand fell away as she risked a soft laugh. "I am not having three more" She clarified more seriously, a ten pound baby should count for two in her opinion.

"Two?" He bargained, letting his eyes course down her body, the gap between the sides of the black silk robe had increased leaving a hand width strip of skin on display.

"One. If you're lucky" She counter offered.

"I'm married to you, I think I'm pretty damn lucky…" He reasoned seeking an increase with his charming smile.

"One more, when Shay starts school" She said finally, his face falling at the thought of only one more baby Severide. "We'll negotiate after that…" She conceded in a whisper, not entirely committed.

"I think we should keep trying until we get a boy" He suggested enthusiastically, hands at her waist to pull her in closer, rubbing smooth circles over the low friction fabric and her soft skin.

"No way" She disagreed instantly, either way a third would be enough, three girls or two girls and a boy. Kelly pulled her body flush against his, hands slipping under the silk to rub across her stomach. "There are parts of my body you don't like" She sighed, trying to bring the conversation back around to where it had begun.

"No there aren't" He denied forcefully, forehead creased.

"I thought we were being honest… But in that case I love your tattoo, you should get more…" She replied sarcastically, stepping back out of his reach. She valued honesty far more than being lied to for the sake of her feelings. There were things she didn't like.

"I was being honest Erin, please, I love your body, all of it. I think it's freaking awesome that you get stripes" He argued, running his fingers across the darker coloured, but exceptionally smooth skin. Her stretch marks showed the way her body had changed to accommodate their daughters, they were dark now but would fade again the way they had in the months following Shay's birth, the only visible evidence of her strength and patience.

"Sure" She disagreed, voice heavy with scepticism.

"I had a toy tiger as a kid, Ra, she was my best friend. Just like Shay has Roary. I have photos of myself, black and orange paint everywhere one Halloween. I'll find them for you. Stripes are awesome babe" He assured, steering himself to sit on the arm of the nearest chair so he could undo the robe and kiss his way down each of the half a dozen most prominent marks.

"You're jealous of my stripes?" She asked softly as he continued, making it very clear that his earlier conviction had been real, doing his best to persuade her to see the stripes as strengths rather than weaknesses.

"Absolutely" He assured, "and what you had to do to get them."

"I love you" She whispered a little while later, it sounded as if she had had a realisation, and she had. Each time she declared her love for him she was referring to a different aspect of his personality, falling more and more in love with him. Surely that couldn't last forever, though he had already surprised her. She decided to surprise him then, bending slightly to kiss him hard and fast, needing to feel his love. "You don't talk about your childhood much" She commented as they separated, his head coming to rest against her chest, both her hands holding it in place.

"Neither do you" He countered, sucking at the side of her breast since it was so close and so readily available to his mouth.

"That's because I didn't have one" She shrugged, pulling his head away, kissing him quickly before moving away from him and retying the robe. As much as she wanted to get caught up and carried away by the sensation she had neglected him enough that asking him to forgo food any longer seemed wrong.

"I'm sorry" He rushed to apologise, assuming her need for distance was a result of his statement bringing back things she didn't want to remember. He didn't talk about his childhood because it made him feel guilty that her early life had been so very different, deprived.

"My earliest memory, I would have been three or four, is of accidentally cutting my finger on the foil lid of a microwave meal…" She shared as she placed the leftover pasta in the microwave, hesitated for a moment as she attempted to decipher the unfamiliar buttons then punched at them until it started to heat.

"Why would you remember that?" He asked softly, moving to stand next to her. In his experience happy memories endured far longer than bad ones, of course there were exceptions but they were typically significant events.

"I still have the scar" She answered, bending her pointer finger to show him the faint silver line across her middle finger. It would have been a nasty wound at the time, her finger much smaller. "…And it's the only memory I have of my dad… he washed it, put a bandaid on and kissed it better" Erin added, the beeping of the microwave preventing an immediate response.

"You've never said anything about him before" Kelly noted as he accepted the bowl and sat at the table, looking out at the city lights before giving her a small smile.

"Sure I have."

"Telling me he's in prison doesn't count babe" He contended between mouthfuls, shovelling pasta into his mouth as hunger hit him suddenly.

"Well that's all I know about him" She supplied gruffly, wishing she had kept the memory to herself.

"What's he in for?" He asked through a mouthful of pasta, letting his curiosity override his sensitivity.

"Drug offences, armed robbery… rape" She listed quietly, she hated to be associated with such violence, to think there could be any genetic link. Relentless bullying through high school had taken years to erase, to prove that the apple could at times be thrown far, far from the tree.

"So…?"

"Life" She answered, not needing the question to know where his mind was going, whether because he wanted to protect her or their girls she wasn't sure.

"Mmm" He acknowledged as he used the last piece of pasta to mop up the remaining sauce.

"I can order more if you're still hungry" Erin informed quickly, suspecting his need to get every last drop was a result of not having eaten enough. It had been a huge portion for her but she knew he was capable of eating that much, or more, alone.

"No, thank you" He shook his head, the time it would take for food to arrive outweighing his need to eat. There were better things he could be doing with his time.

"Don't thank me, you're paying for it" She dismissed, staring out the window while she waited for him to change his mind and request more food.

"I suppose" He accepted, not sure what else he could say in response. He had absolutely no issue being the sole provider for their family, in fact he saw that as his responsibility.

"A few months and I'll be contributing again" She was quick to add, standing up to get a better view, leaning against the glass almost recklessly as she chose one car to focus on, speeding along the streets below.

"Er, baby, you contribute every day" He comforted softly, getting up to take his plate to the kitchen bench, not really sure what to do with it but eager to be doing something.

"You know what I mean" She sighed, initially their savings had remained completely separate, with income redirected to a new, shared bank account for their mortgage payments and living expenses. As her personal savings dwindled she had started using money from their joint account for every day purchases, he encouraged it but she still didn't feel like she had any right to spend money she hadn't earned. Even with paid maternity leave, something she had exhausted before Ember was even born, she had no chance of catching up and evening things out again. At least when she went back to work they would be able to start saving properly again.

"I love you" He reminded, coming to stand behind her moments later when numbers had stopped swirling in her head.

"I love you too" She nodded, leaning back against him. They stood together looking out at the city for the longest time, thinking at first then just enjoying the peace. Tired of standing Erin took her husband's hand and led him over to the couch, sitting down right beside him. "Let me look at it again" She requested when she went to snuggle against his arm, he shifted forward slightly and she peeled away the dressing. "When did you get it done?" She enquired, no more than a few days based on her limited experience with tattoos, Antonio the only person she really knew with multiple. 

"Wednesday, extended lunch break, Chase covered for me" He answered, it had been a spur of the moment decision but he was glad he had gone through with it.

"You didn't get his birthday… its next weekend" She commented, she knew why and was glad he hadn't. As much as Chase was their son he was old enough to start building his own family.

"Twenty-three?" Kelly questioned, he had forgotten the kid's birthday so he wasn't confident he knew how old he would be turning.

"Yeah. What were you doing at that age?" She wondered aloud, not knowing much about that period of his life.

"Honestly?" He paused to ask, she nodded so he supplied the first answer that had come to mind. "Cheerleaders."

"Yuck! Babe…" She complained, not surprised by the admission nearly as much as she was by the frank delivery.

"What about you?" He cut off before she could voice her disapproval any further, he already regretted opening his mouth.

"Work… Saving for my own car…" She supplied, quite the contrast. Saving had been the last thing on Kelly's mind at that age, any money he earned was very quickly spent on beer and entertainment.

"You didn't have a boyfriend?" He queried, if she was working that meant things had ended with Mike, he suspected there would be plenty of others. He understood why, wishing he could have known her back then.

"Nah, just a friends with benefits thing with my partner…" She provided honestly, thinking back to the stress free relationship.

"Wow" Kelly couldn't help but react.

"It worked. Until he wanted more, I requested a new partner the next day. He transferred to a different district, never heard from him again" She explained with a shrug, clearly not bothered by the loss, then or now.

"Wow" He repeated, less energetically.

"What? I'm human you know, I have needs" She defended, wondering why he was surprised when he had likely had a similar arrangement at some point.

"Mhm" He grinned. "More shocked that you were breaking rules" He tried to deflect.

"I wasn't the best cop… I argued, I disobeyed orders, broke rules, got a bit rough… I got the job done though, better than most. The brass can't argue with that, results" She shared, her career had been in question from her first day but since joining intelligence, working with a competent team she trusted and respected, she hadn't had nearly as many issues.

"Well…" He began.

"Don't bring him into it, he's good police, always has been" She argued instantly, knowing exactly what he was going to say. He was going to blame Hank for her questionable conduct, she would never be able to let that slide, she knew she was biased in his favour but given everything he had done for her she thought that was justifiable.

"Reading my mind now?" He asked instead of trying to pursue his line of thought.

"We're married, that's supposed to happen" She laughed softly, placing her hand in the middle of his chest as she rested her head against his shoulder.

"What am I thinking then?" He questioned with a wry smile.

"You're still stuck on the fact I admitted I have needs" She answered confidently, feeling his fingers trailing up the back of her thigh.

"You're good" He chuckled, reaching the edge of the lace.

"Very" She assured.

"Prove it" He challenged, voice hoarse.

"Is that a challenge?" She asked lightly, leaning back to trap his hand beneath her, preventing any further teasing.

"So what if it is?" He pressed, eyes locked on hers as he tried to free his hand, if he could just regain use of it he would be able to lift her into his lap.

"If that's what you really want…" Erin shrugged, biting her lip as colour rose in her cheeks, heart rate increasing steadily.

"I want you" He agreed, releasing the breath he had been holding when she rose on her knee, moving to straddle him without breaking eye contact.

"I like your tattoo" She whispered, voice velvety against his ear, sending a shiver down his spine as she leaned in to his neck. Pausing for a moment she inhaled the faint vanilla and coconut of the hotel shampoo he had used, hands running from his shoulders to his neck. Up, into his hair as she breathed across his ear, letting her lips brush over the cartilage before pressing them to his temple. "You smell good" She commented as she shifted backward to look down at him, forcing himself to inhale while there was some distance between them. She smelled amazing too, so good that the intoxicating scent made it difficult to breathe, not sure there was enough air to stop the burning in his chest. It wasn't the only contributing factor though, her skin was beyond silky, so incredibly soft beneath his hand, trailing up and down her thighs, addicted to the sensation.

"You feel good" He returned, letting his fingertips round her knee, finding more soft skin as he neared her ankles. Her eyes shone as she smiled, thumbs caressing his angular jaw, teeth, dimples, crinkled eyes, he couldn't help but smile back. Favouring a soft, lightly stubbled patch of skin just below the hinge of his jaw she replaced the pad of her thumb with her lips. Taking advantage of the expanse of neck before him he bit down softly, nibbling at the pronounced tendons until she exhaled a shuddering breath. Pressing her chest firmly against his she held his mouth to her skin, fingers gliding through his hair to angle his head just right, tongue tracing the shell of his ear before sucking his earlobe into her mouth. A moment later she released it, holding his head stationary she moved around him, hungry to feel as much of his glistening skin as she could. Hands finding their way to his shoulders, down his strong arms then up his torso, over muscular ridges to his broad chest. This time when she stopped to look at him he could see the fire burning in her eyes. The effect she had on him so spectacularly swift, moist heat forming between them. His fingers struggled with the silk tie of her robe, both pairs of eyes watching them work, Erin already breathing heavily.

"I can…" She offered when he paused for a moment, his frustrated tugging had only tightened the knot.

"I've got it" He assured, beads of sweat forming on his brow as his level of concentration peaked, determined. It took another minute but then he got it loose, quickly slipping the fabric from her shoulders, down her arms, to the floor behind her. Drinking in the sight before licking his lips and descending, replicating the path she had travelled across his chest while she sighed and, very occasionally, gasped. Impatient she gripped his head, pulling him away so she could access his tanned chest, she started on his collar bone, travelling down his sternum until she was almost bent in half. Kelly let one fingertip brush across the bottom of her foot, eliciting a very un-Erin-like squeal, while he fisted her hair in the other hand, almost roughly drawing her up. Mouths meeting, tongues swirling, teeth colliding, lips sucked until bruised and burst. The metallic taste of blood slowed them both, not sure where it originated but determined to apologise, concern and regret filling their eyes. The lull was a chance Kelly took, lifting and twisting to lay her down across the couch, following her a second later. It wasn't quick enough and the lack of pressure made Erin groan, grabbing for the waistband of his pants to speed his movement. He fell short intentionally, lips closing around an already erect nipple, one hand supporting himself while the other snaked down between them to supply the pressure she desired.

"Mmm" She moaned, moving beneath him while he continued to feast on her supple flesh. He tried to divide his attentions equally between her breasts but failed miserably, unable to think with blood rushing from his head, coursing to more useful parts of his anatomy. It didn't help that she brought her knee up under him after what felt like only a few moments. "Bed?" She requested hoarsely.

"Bed" He repeated, taking a steadying breath before lifting her from the waist, carrying her one step then another before she wriggled from his hold, dropping to her feet. She halted him by biting his shoulder, hands free to remove his pants in one swift motion. He grabbed her chin then, kissing her firmly before hoisting her up, hands cupping her lace clad backside. He carried her to the edge of the bed then dropped her unceremoniously to the already crumpled sheets. She squealed again, pulling a face at the unusual noise she had produced, he laughed at her expression until she started to frown. Her eyes flickered, thinking, before she raised her eyebrows in challenge, backing away across the bed. He let out a growl before catching her foot, dragging her, along with the bedcovers, back towards himself. Biting his way along her leg she found herself paralysed, urging him on wordlessly, moaning because she knew that would encourage him. He seemed to hesitate at the back of her knee for far too long, teasing her, only continuing up her thigh when she fell silent and shuffled forward. Eventually lace started to tickle his lips, abandoning that path he swirled his tongue in her navel and continued up her body, his hands working with her hips to shed the black lace. She kissed him fiercely when he froze to look at her, pushing him hard until he conceded and rolled onto his back.

"I'm supposed to be showing you how good I am" She reminded, short of breath but not conviction. Biting her lip as she ground against him, hands on his shoulders as she leaned over him, stealing his breath with a searing kiss. He delighted in bringing forth noises of pleasure and now she endeavoured to do the same, mouth, hands and hips working to see what she could achieve. A sigh her first reward, then a groan and finally a moan so wanton that she felt wrong to deny him any longer. Slowly, she rose up, one hand guiding him as she closed her eyes and smiled, sinking down to consume him. Taking her time she made sure she was in control, rather than driven by desire, before beginning to move against him; slow, circling, clamping.

"Ugh…fuck" He panted when she was only just starting to find a rhythm, so close so soon. Erin gritted her teeth as she hastened her rising and falling motions, letting his hands pull her down against his chest, moving with her then for his own gain.

"Let go" She commanded, voice clear and firm, so close. Resisting his retreat she clenched around him, for a second he fought against her then he pressed into her as hard as he could. Silent as his release hit with the force of a tsunami, washing over him in waves as she drowned with him, internal muscles rippling.

"You win" He surrendered when he surfaced, looking down to find her already asleep, snuggled against him, a small, contented smile on her face. Twisted and entangled as they were it was difficult for him to right them, trying not to wake her as he moved purposefully, flipping the nearest light switches before pulling the covers up and closing his eyes.

**SNOW! I know this took forever but I am having so much fun snowboarding (everything aches) and I haven't been able to get an internet connection before now :D **


	153. Chapter 153

**At long last… I would call the start of this M rated ;) **

Movement had Erin ascending through layers of consciousness, it was behind her, large hands shifting from where they had rested all night to new places, hip, thigh, knee. He drew her leg up, parting it from the other, rolling her forward slightly, seeking admittance. "Hmm" She sighed, not quite awake but far closer than she had been seconds earlier, slowly becoming aware of what was happening. She had just started to think on the hot hard flesh between her legs when Kelly lost the fight he had been having with himself, sliding into her forcefully. The noise she made in response was one of surprise rather than displeasure or discomfort, lost to his ears anyway. All he could hear was the rush of blood, heart pounding in a rapid rhythm he was attempting to recreate with short, sharp thrusts. Gripping her body to keep her angled away from him so his strokes reached her deepest point each and every time, he didn't consider how hard he was holding her. Between breathing and burying himself faster, harder and deeper into her his brain had enough to concentrate on.

Erin was definitely awake but hadn't yet dared open her eyes, the red tinge through her eyelids told her it would be bright. The wall of glass allowing the harsh morning light into the hotel room. Without such a clue she had been lost as to time and place, this being the point at which she'd soared from cognizance the previous night. While his actions were certainly having an effect his breathing was far too ragged for him to last much longer, he'd surely collapse from exertion if he attempted to wait for her. That was the reason she shifted, stretching her arms and shoulders to push herself back again his chest, turning her head to look up at him, risking watering eyes for a glimpse. Kelly's vision had been firmly fixed on where they were joined right up until she obscured his view by increasing the amount of contact between their bodies a hundred fold.

"Ugh" It was a rough grunt from deep in his chest, eyes meeting hers, anything could be happening behind the dark, stormy blue. "Morning" He gasped a second later, blinking three times fast, between thrusts that had muscles tightening pre-emptively throughout her body.

"Morning" Erin purred, running her hand along his arm until she could loosen his grip on her leg, just above her knee. He groaned then sucked in air to breathe out loudly, right across her ear, his now unused hand had a purpose, kneading her breast for a second before coursing down her body. The pad of his finger circling hypersensitive nerve endings to send her spiralling as he penetrated further than ever before, entire body trembling as he succumbed. He curled into her while she pressed up against him, back arching as far as it could while her brain screamed for her to release her lip from between her teeth and allow oxygen, rather than blood to flow. The mixed signals had her shaking, emitting a sound heavy in pleasure before gasping for air, turning her head into the pillow to stop the noise travelling as it came again with her exhaling breath. Kelly repurposed his hand yet again, roughly tugging her hair until he could hear her, softer with each breath, whimpering as he moved instinctively, on his own high as he filled her. "Uh" The last noise she managed before using a handful of the sheet to pull herself forward, curling into a ball as she panted for air. With a shuddering sigh he rolled to his back, closing his eyes as he steadied his breathing.

"Fuck, baby I'm so sorry" He rushed to apologise when he opened his eyes, which had been shut so tightly that it took a moment to see anything at all, seeing her curled away from him on her side, breath catching in her throat as she struggled for air. "I didn't mean to wake you" He continued, reaching for her as he noticed the light, finger shaped shadows on her hip and leg, he'd hurt her. "Erin, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry baby. I didn't…"

"Shh" She tried to quiet, taking the hand he had extended, using it to pull herself around until she lay with her chest against his, both still heaving.

"I didn't… Baby…" He started, first pulling her in then releasing her quickly, fearful of hurting her again.

"Shh" She repeated softly, pressing her lips to his to quiet him for a moment longer.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't… I just couldn't" He ranted, pulling away from her, afraid of himself for a moment. She was his wife but he had invaded her being without permission, without control, and he'd hurt her in the process. From the moment he'd woken with her small, naked body cuddled into his he had been fighting. Not sure what had come over him to make him so very frantic, he hadn't even been able to wait until she was awake, not a single second longer, taking advantage of her body in a way that left him feeling more than unsettled.

"It's okay" She smiled, wondering what on earth he thought he'd done that was so terrible. It couldn't be the mind blowing early morning sex that still had her quivering.

"But…" He argued, eyes wide with horror as he stared at her hip, unbreathing as he reached across, fingers hovering over, but never touching, the very faintly purple skin.

"I'm okay" Erin assured, following his gaze until understanding hit, she snatched his hand and roughly placed it against her skin, holding it firmly in place until he stopped trying to pull away and his breathing calmed.

"I'm sorry" He couldn't help but add when she finally released him, dragging the sheet up over their bodies as she started to feel the cool air on her skin.

"Shh, please" She requested, kissing him again, persisting until he responded.

"I didn't mean to wake you" He reasoned, eyes still concerned and apologetic despite her frustrated sigh.

"Wake me like that. Anytime. I won't complain" She guaranteed with a laugh, deep and sincere. "My heart might though, feel this" She instructed, taking his hand and placing it between her breasts, directly above her thundering heart. The rapid acceleration rivalling any adrenaline high she had ever had.

"Mmm" He acknowledged, still uncertain.

"Mr Severide you make my heart go funny" She laughed, heart rate settling until his thumb twitched, restarting the wild rhythm.

"But I… I'm sorry" He removed his hand and sat up, running his hands through his hair, scrunching even though it was too short, before settling with his head in his hands. Erin couldn't help but think of Shay's reaction to their going away for the weekend, such a similar stress response.

"Please stop apologising, that was amazing. Unexpected… but incredible. You have no idea do you?" She demanded, she tried to get him to face her but he sat so rigidly that she moved in front of him instead. Making eye contact as she threw her question at him.

"Hmm?" He had heard but had no idea what she was really asking. If he had taken two minutes to wake her with soft kisses none of this would be happening, how could he have become such an animal that he couldn't control himself.

"You wanted me. You wanted my body so badly that you couldn't stop. My body. Me. After two babies, one literally bigger than a watermelon, and you still wanted me… Please don't apologise because that… that means something to me… that makes me feel… I don't know… You wanted me" She tried to explain, not sure he was even listening let alone following. It felt good to say it though. She hated how insecure she was, it was her weakness, her flaw, she knew it but she couldn't seem to change it. The stupid voice in her head constantly telling her that she could never compare; as a woman, a mother, a detective. She could never be enough because no matter how far she came, those were the first things that she had been taught about herself. That she was nothing, a burden, trouble, useless, bad news.

"I needed you, I need you. I'm always going to need you. Mrs Severide I really wish you could see yourself the way I see you because baby you are the most amazing woman in the universe. You had our babies, and they changed your body but I love you more because of that, they made you better. They make us better. I need you. I want you. I'm always going to want and need and love you. You make my heart go funny too baby…" He countered, lifting her into his lap so he could look her in the eye and hold her as he spoke, mind searching for anything he had forgotten that he could put into words. There it was, the flicker of questioning in her eyes, it always came eventually. Kelly took heart in the fact that each time he opened up like this it would come sooner and go quicker. One day he hoped he could extinguish that doubt, it was the only thing he had ever wanted to change about her, He'd only had her for a year and so far progress had been steady. Erin, once she'd accepted that he was serious, wanted nothing more than to tell him how much she loved him as well, but when her words failed all she could do was kiss him. Letting her mouth convey what she couldn't, bruised lips becoming even more so until they were both breathless. "Happy Anniversary" He winked after a few moments of silent appreciation for each other.

"Happy Anniversary" She nodded, unable to contain her smile, grinning broadly as she cuddled against him. "That doesn't sound right" She mumbled against his chest, trying to share his enthusiasm while mentally testing alternatives to the strange phrase. Kelly chuckled softly then pushed her away until she looked at him.

"That's just because it's the first, you'll get used to it" He assured, fingertips making her shiver as he ran them up and down her arm and across her lower back. She was tangled in the sheet, trying to keep it tucked under her arms, with his wife in his lap for warmth he didn't feel the need to bother with the soft white cotton.

"I'd like that" She beamed, kissing him again before turning her head to search for a clock, there had to be one somewhere in the fancy hotel room.

"Me too" He agreed, twisting to follow her eyes.

"Do you…?" She started to ask.

"Probably" He answered surely.

"…want to open presents? Is what I was going to ask Mr Presumptuous" She informed, pulling a face.

"I love me a lady that uses big words" He mumbled in a backcountry drawl, she laughed dryly then silenced him with her mouth. Feeling she had the advantage he evened the playing field by tickling her mercilessly, Erin writhing and laughing as she tried to get away from him. Eventually their truce held and she settled back into his arms, eyes narrowed as she waited for him to resume his attack, all he did was smile smugly and lean back against the headboard.

"What did you think I was going to say?" She questioned, wondering if his assumption had been anywhere near close.

"Do you think the girls are awake? They probably are, it's almost eight" He stated then answered, apparently mind reading only went one way. They could work on that.

"Ahh… Also since when have I been a lady?" She enquired, thumping her fist against his chest lightly, not sure it wasn't an insult.

"You've always been a lady, a tough, capable, ballsy lady" He clarified with a wink, his hand left her skin for a moment and she tilted her head in questioning, refusing to repeat the previous night's uncharacteristic squeal the way he clearly wanted when his hand slid between her legs. She bit her lip instead of giving in to his attempts to prove that she was a lady.

"That's mine" She announced the moment her phone beeped from across the room, eager to get away from him before she was forced to concede with what he would term a lady-like whimper, moan or gasp. Much longer and her teeth would pierce her already bruised lip anyway. She reached the device so quickly that the message was still displayed on the screen. "Oh god."

"What?" He squeaked as he sat up straight, her reaction indicated that something terrible had happened. She crossed back to the side of the bed, pulling on the robe she had retrieved, and turned the phone for him to see. She had received a photo from Chase, Shay sitting on their couch at home with the curved pillow supporting her baby sister on her lap, one hand holding Ember while the other held the bottle, looking up and smiling though she was clearly still concentrating on the important job. "That's a good one, she's smiling" He comforted, it was an adorable moment and as much as he wanted to see it in person the photo was just as good.

"Mhmm" Erin mumbled as she looked at the accompanying text, the carefully composed message informed her that the girls were fine and that they were all having fun. "I'm gonna go have a shower" She explained as she dropped the phone onto the bed and turned away.

"What about presents?" He questioned, a desperate attempt to take her mind off the girls.

"Later" She dismissed, voice raspy, eyes full of sadness as she rotated on the spot to look at him, jaw set.

"Aw babe" He empathised, the two dark patches of silk indicated that her body was reacting to the loss of proximity to her baby and several missed feeds. He just wanted to hug her, bring back her smile and laughter. "Mind if I join you?" He enquired, just because he wanted to be close to her didn't mean she would want him near, it was best to give her the choice.

"If I ever say no to that you'll know there's something wrong with me…" She called over her shoulder, throwing him a small smile before disappearing into the bathroom, it certainly wasn't his fault.

* * *

"I in charge!" Shay announced loudly, jumping on the couch while Nadia stood in the corner of the lounge room, facing the wall.

"Shay please shh! Emmy needs to sleep" Nadia explained as she rocked the screaming baby, trying to remain calm despite feeling like she was personally responsible for their disastrous morning. It all stemmed from promising Shay they could watch Frozen to get her to eat her dinner instead of throwing it across the room. The toddler had demanded her reward immediately upon finishing her dinner and so, against the rules and routine Nadia had put the movie on. Chase had arrived home from work a few minutes in and Shay had insisted they restart it for him. Three minutes didn't seem like much so began the rewinding that by the end of the movie had added almost an entire hour to the runtime. An incredibly late night for the two year old, who thankfully didn't push for more than one book before going to sleep. Nadia and Chase had stayed up to tidy the lounge room, dining room and kitchen before giving Ember her first bottle of the night, pushing their bedtime even further back.

Ember's second feed and diaper change was taken care of by Chase just after one in the morning. That meant that at five twenty it was Nadia's turn to get out of bed and care for the infant, finding Shay already in the crib tending her. Ember was cooperative and back to sleep by half past, Shay wasn't so compliant, refusing to go back to sleep. She hadn't stopped bouncing since. On her own bed when she was put down, on her parents bed because it was bouncier and then, when bored of that, on her brother's bed, doing everything she could to wake her aunt and brother. After half an hour, when Ember woke up with a dirty diaper they gave up sleeping, Chase taking care of Ember while Nadia took the toddler downstairs for breakfast. Following a quick breakfast Shay was happy to jump on the couch while watching cartoons, giving her carers a chance to doze, but never sleep. Now just after eight the television was off, Shay continued to bounce and Ember wailed for no obvious reason. Chase had had her sitting still feeding her sister, leaving for a shower once they had messaged the girl's mother. Nadia had taken the sleeping baby once she had finished her bottle, freeing Shay who squealed loudly at being allowed to jump again, professing that she was in charge each time anything was said. Seven minutes had passed since Chase left for the shower. Seven very long minutes in which Shay had yelled the same three words two dozen times, fighting to be heard over her crying sister. Nadia was quite sure she was going insane. The constant noise and movement had forced her to retreat to the corner, the furthest she could go without letting the toddler out of her sight. The serene photograph and now blatant lies in the text message she had sent the girl's mother seeming more and more ridiculous as each second passed. They were by no means fine and having fun was the last thing on Nadia's mind. She just needed to survive until Chase came back downstairs.

"I…" Shay started, only to be cut off.

"IN CHARGE! I know Shay, you've said! Since you're in charge why don't you go do something fun, draw on the walls, eat whipped cream from the can…" Nadia stopped, realising she had finally snapped, feeling dreadful before she even saw the stunned look on the toddler's face, at last standing motionless. "Shay I just need five minutes of quiet to get Emmy to sleep and then I'll play with you. Okay?" She reasoned gently, ignoring Ember's cries as she moved to sit on the couch next to Shay.

"I can has fluffy-whippy cream?" Shay asked, clapping as she bent her knees to jump.

"No" Nadia said firmly. The toddler straightened, tipping her head to the side like a puppy as she tried to work out what was happening. "Shay I said that because I'm not feeling good at the moment. You're being crazy and Emmy's sad" She justified, exaggerating her facial expression so that the two year old could understand.

"Oh…" Shay frowned, sitting down slowly.

"Could you help me get Emmy to sleep?" Nadia requested, bouncing the baby who continued to scream.

"You gots to pat her… like Mama" Shay explained, reaching across to demonstrate the gentle patting motion on her little sister's pudgy stomach. Nadia imitated her and the toddler nodded.

"Okay, I'm patting her" Nadia smiled, though Ember showed no sign of stopping.

"And shhhhhs. You say shhhh lots… real whispa like" Shay added hopefully, making Ember happy and quiet was a good game.

"Shhh" Nadia repeated endlessly, noticing that after a few moments in competition the small, bright pink, baby's cries started to lose volume.

"Yeah and rockin' and this finger you pops in her gobs and then…. she sleeps" Shay continued until at last Ember was asleep, mouth and eyes closed.

"Thank you" Nadia told the attentive toddler. "Shhh" She added when the baby stirred.

"Now she go bed" Shay whispered softly, pointing first at her sister then out of the room and up the stairs. Nadia nodded and got up slowly, shushing softly as they went upstairs together and tucked Ember in to her crib.

"There we go, now Em's in bed what do you want to do?" Nadia asked as she lifted Shay, leaving Ember alone in the bedroom at the end of the hallway. Feeling so much calmer than she had just a few moments ago, if this was life with kids she definitely wasn't ready.

"Umm… I brush my teeths?" Shay suggested as she pointed to the closed bathroom door before rubbing her finger over her bright white teeth. Erin had made clean teeth a priority, writing over the item on her list three times to ensure the words were bolded. Shay liked looking at herself in the mirror far more than she liked actually brushing her teeth, it was even better if someone had just had a shower and the mirror was fogged over with steam to write in.

"Chase is in the bathroom" Nadia reminded, though when she paused she could hear that the shower wasn't on, he wouldn't me much longer. She didn't have to tell him about the chaotic seven minutes that would scar her for life, or the next few days at least.

"Mmm… we eats whippy-creamy fluffs?" Shay proposed as if that were a comparable activity.

"No" She laughed as she bounced Shay on her hip, shaking her head vigorously then frowning.

"You still sicking?" Shay enquired, looking sympathetic.

"Hmm?" Nadia replied, raising one eyebrow.

"You not feels goodly, you sick" Shay explained with a sigh, she had no idea how grown-ups could be so smart and so stupid at the same time. More often than not they forgot what they had said before she did.

"I'm not sick Shay, I'm just tired. We stayed up really late didn't we?" She questioned, pulling a face that let the toddler know staying up wasn't a good thing.

"Frozen! Nada we watches Frozen… Now please" Shay requested, pitch rising, clapping excitedly as she wriggled. If she could get her aunt to lower her she would drop the last foot to the floor and rush off down the stairs, putting the movie on for herself.

"Okay, let's go watch Frozen" Nadia agreed, keeping hold of the squirming toddler as she started down the stairs.

"You sing?" Shay pleaded, with wide eyes and big pouty lip.

"I'll sing for you, just like you showed me."

"Thank you Nada" Shay shrieked as she was set down on the couch, standing up in excitement as she watched her aunt read the brand names on the remotes to work out which would start the movie. "Nada STOP!" She demanded the moment they were on the right channel, the machine whirring as it spun the disc to speed.

"Why? What?" Nadia asked, freezing in place.

"We wait Chasey… him watches Frozen too" Shay squealed, clapping again as she bounced.

"We can wait for Chase" Nadia decided upon hearing the bathroom door open upstairs in the silence as she considered it. In the mean time she decided to see if she could drain some of Shay's energy, hoping for a mid-morning nap or at least some down time through the movie. Lifting the little girl high into the air just as she'd seen Chase do then pretending to drop her, catching her just before the ground while she shrieked and giggled. Nadia quickly came to the conclusion that her boyfriend's arm muscles were entirely thanks to this game, Shay's smile was worth it though and the rest of the morning was forgotten. Maybe trying to get the toddler to behave wasn't the best approach, joining her in her crazy, energetic fun seemed much more manageable.

"You make me PB-'tella lunch please" Shay panted as she was put down after a particularly swift descent. She didn't want to play anymore, the slightly sickening feeling of falling so quickly made her realise her stomach was empty.

"It's not lunch time" Nadia laughed, checking her phone to see that it wasn't even nine o'clock.

"Yes" Shay argued, reaching for the phone to see what was so funny.

"No, you woke up too early. It's only breakfast time but you've already eaten breakfast" Nadia reasoned as she handed her phone over.

"No" She grumbled, handing back the phone when she couldn't locate the icons for her favourite games.

"We'll have lunch later. After Frozen" Nadia reminded, suspecting the two princesses and their songs would take the toddler's mind off food.

"Frozen?" Chase questioned as he entered the room, not at all surprised to hear his girlfriend adding the movie to their activities.

"Chasey… I hungry and Nada not feedin' me…" Shay whined, turning on Nadia she crossed the room and pulled at the leg of his pants until he picked her up.

"It's not food time princess" Chase explained, returning the face Nadia was pulling before looking seriously at his little sister.

"I hungering but" Shay complained, rubbing her stomach and sticking out her bottom lip.

"Well maybe you shouldn't have spilled so much of your cereal" Nadia returned, remembering the mess Shay had made.

"Cereal?" Chase enquired, looking alarmed.

"What?" Nadia demanded.

"Which cereal did you give her?" He pressed, looking Shay over carefully.

"I don't know what they were… brown and white stars…" Nadia explained, she had done exactly what the toddler had told her, believing that was her normal routine.

"She's not allowed to eat those" He informed, looking at Shay and then Nadia.

"Nobody told me that! She said she was" The young adult complained, frowning at the toddler.

"Shay?" Chase narrowed his eyes, if the toddler was smart enough to lie and convince her aunt she was allowed her father's sugary cereal she was smart enough to know what they were saying.

"Chasey… you love me" Shay reminded with her cheeky grin, rising up to press her lips to his cheek in a sweet kiss.

"You're a naughty princess" Chase complained lightly, there was nothing he could really do other than supervise the manipulative toddler more carefully. Nadia was quite glad she had given Shay the wrong cereal, it explained why the toddler had been so hyperactive. Even though the bouncing had started before breakfast she would never have been able to sustain it if not for the extra sugar. Just like the late night Frozen fest she put this down as another rookie mistake, a learning opportunity and something to refrain from telling Erin about.

* * *

"You're so naughty" Erin laughed as she turned to face her husband, stepping back out of his reach as he lunged forward, trying to catch her towel again. She had only just pulled it up around herself again.

"You're so beautiful" He justified, lunging again, he would much rather look at her dripping body than the fluffy towel, held firmly under her arms.

"You're so handsome" She retorted, taking a risk and releasing her firm hold to see how he liked it. He froze in shock when she caught the towel, slung and tucked expertly around his hips, years of showering at the firehouse ensuring he could keep it up. She was almost equally surprised, hesitating for a second, a second that he used to grab her towel. They both tugged, Erin hard, Kelly less so, as if he didn't really want to succeed. It was a game though and she laughed when the fabric came loose in her hand. The fact that her towel gave as well didn't matter, for a moment she had full view of his body just as he did hers. Then they used the towels they had won in their roundabout exchange to cover themselves, turning their attention to drying, sneaking looks though neither of them knew why. Almost a full hour nude in the shower together should have been plenty of time.

"Come here" He growled when she straightened and moved to the doorway. The mirrored wall, which she seemed to have forgotten, had provided him an unobscured view of her body from behind. Wonderful curves everywhere he looked, from her calves to the lock of hair that hung free in a curl from her messy, half damp, bun.

"No" She shook her head, as much as she wanted to fall into bed with him and make love for an eternity there were other things to do. Breakfast a priority followed by presents and talking, not just the nonsense exchanged after sex, real talking, the deep type they didn't often get the opportunity for without a two year old seeking the definition of every other word. Or interrupting by randomly and at times disturbingly pondering the meaning of life, thoughts pouring from her swirling with rainbows and dinosaurs head with no regard for their conversations.

"Come here" He repeated, following her out into the now glaringly bright room, sunlight reflecting off every chrome surface, and there were plenty of those.

"Not going to happen" She said seriously, lifting the bag he had packed her up onto the end of the bed.

"Babe…" He began softly.

"Mmm?" She questioned, not taking her eyes off the clothes in front of her, the obvious selections along with a few more obscure garments, navy cargo shorts he'd never voiced an opinion on joining her most revealing shirts.

"Look!" He commanded, voice urgent as he pointed randomly.

"At?" She demanded harshly, frowning when his ploy worked, he had again divested her of her towel. "Happy now? You and half the city can see me naked" She complained, gesturing to the vast expanse of glass.

"Ooh…" He realised, frowning slightly before concluding that he didn't really mind. "Very happy, because unlike half the city I'm married to you" He added cockily, she groaned and rolled her eyes. He stepped in, offering the towel as he gave an apologetic smile. They had been having fun until he took it too far, coupled with her underlying exhaustion and hunger he should have anticipated her reaction. She did not handle a lack of sleep well, nor a lack of food, in recent months she had been eating very regularly, three decent meals at regular times and snacks of whatever she felt like whenever she felt like it, barring dairy of course. If she were to remain civil she needed food and the possibility of an afternoon nap was looking more and more likely too.

"What am I wearing?" She questioned, pushing away the towel before turning back to the bag of clothes, surely he'd packed with outfits in mind rather than just by grabbing random clothes. At least that was the way she had packed for him, logically.

"Well, sit there and look gorgeous while I figure it out" He suggested, taking her by the shoulders as he steered her to sit on the bed, kissing her forehead.

"I'm hungry" She complained seconds after he released her.

"I know, just give me a minute" He requested, pulling out the navy shorts, sensible, comfortable underwear, even a singlet to go under the transparent shirt he chose. It was meant to look like a business shirt, a few sizes too big and made of a much thinner fabric, with the sleeves rolled up and the belt he was searching for she would look nice.

"Hurry up or the kid who delivers room service is going to see me naked too" She grumbled, laying back on the bed as her stomach growled. She regretted not forcing herself to eat the entire bowl of pasta the night before, certain she wouldn't be as ravenous now if she had.

"You wouldn't…" He started before deciding that her statement didn't really require a response.

"Had a nice chat with him last night…" Erin teased, watching as he pulled out a small bag and retrieved the necklace she always wore with that particular belt, she had never considered the rest of the combination but looked forward to trying it out.

"Clothes" He supplied, handing her the neat pile.

"Thank you" She smiled as she accepted the clothes, getting up and placing them where she had been sitting, she dropped her bag to the floor and bent to follow it. A moment later she produced a pile for him. Knee length tan shorts and a rusty red t-shirt, plain and simple, the shirt accidentally misprinted with his size though it was tight enough to show off his muscular torso, a genuine mistake she was thankful for. The shorts were a novelty as well, he wore jeans and work pants far too often. "What are we even doing today?" She questioned as she got dressed.

"You expect that I have plans? I booked the room baby, it's your turn" He replied, honestly having nothing planned for the day. He wouldn't mind staying in, though if that was her decision the effort they were putting in to dressing would be short-lived. They could just as easily go out, a number of small shops and café's lining the street below.

"Hmm… well I had room service last night so we could head down to a café if you want…" She suggested moving to look out the window as she let her hair out.

"Are you sure you won't starve?" He asked, more interested in avoiding her hungry rage than the venue of their breakfast.

"It'll probably take just as long for room service to get here" She decided, grabbing her phone and handbag before making her way to the door, slipping on shoes as she waited for him. He retrieved socks, pulled on shoes and found his wallet in his jacket pocket before he was ready to join her.

"What about presents?" He remembered as they waited for the elevator, she looked down the hall to their room as her stomach rumbled.

"Later" She postponed as the elevator dinged to announce its arrival. They stepped in, she pressed the button and for the first few floors of their descent they stood stiffly, close but not too close. "I love you. I'm sorry too, I'm just looking forward to our very first anniversary breakfast" She shared with a wink and a smile, slipping her hand into his before resting her head on his shoulder.

**It's not much but it's a start. The trouble I'm having writing this is that I see a lot of small moments which are hard to write into any form of continuous prose… Most likely because I've had such limited opportunity to think on it over the last two weeks. I wrote this on the plane so apologies for spelling/grammar/inconsistencies, it was incredibly awkward to write the first bit with a stranger reading over my shoulder… I got the impression from the reviews I've received that you wanted to see Chase and Nadia looking after the girls so I included some of that as well. **

**Anyway, I'm home now and as much as two weeks of snowboarding was a fitness bootcamp I feel recharged and I'm ready to write a whole lot more for you (I have at least another 50 chapters planned with some twists and turns nobody will see coming). More tomorrow :D **


	154. Chapter 154

Her laugh. When she'd asked moments ago what his favourite thing about her was he hadn't been able to narrow it down to just one. Now, taking a moment to stop and watch her, he knew the answer. "I love it when you laugh" He was quick to share. Unfortunately his words had an undesired effect, she stopped. Face becoming serious as she rolled slightly to look at him, head tilted as she processed what he had said. He wished he had a camera because she was so beautiful, sprawled on the grass, golden hair fanned out around her head, shirt crumpled. the less she cared about how she looked the more beautiful she became in his eyes.

"I love it when you laugh too" She shook her head, smiling as she sat up, running a hand through her hair absentmindedly. "Again?" She questioned. Not waiting for an answer before jumping to her feet. He raised an eyebrow, wondering if this was the first time he had felt like the more mature adult. Fun was usually his department, she was the sensible mum to his goofy dad, keeping the balance. Without Shay around to set a good example for Erin was taking advantage of the opportunity and having a great time doing it. She pulled a face and poked out her tongue, just because she could. He squinted then decided he didn't mind, it meant he got to hear more of that glorious sound.

"That's the thing I love about you most. Your laugh. I love the rest of you too but I love your laugh the most" He explained as he stood up, less enthusiastically, dusting himself off.

"Really?" She enquired with a snort of laughter, shaking her head when he smiled and nodded emphatically in response.

"Mhmm" He assured, linking his fingers with hers before taking off up the hill at a run. She almost tripped as her legs struggled to compute the sudden burst of energy, he slowed just enough that he would be able to catch her if she did fall. She didn't though, laughing breathlessly as she overtook him, shaking her hand free as she initiated a race with a look over her shoulder. It was his turn to laugh then, just for a second, quick to make up the distance between them, sprinting beside her, legs burning as the incline increased.

"I win" She announced gleefully, stopping just short of the crest of the hill. Kelly continued, touching the rough trunk of the hundred year old tree.

"Actually I think I do" He argued, turning to lean against the tree, crossed arms the only sign of seriousness.

"That means you get to go first" She shrugged, stepping aside and gesturing down the hill.

"I don't want to go first" He protested, quite comfortable regaining his breath right where he was.

"See you at the bottom then… loser" She teased, stopping to tuck her singlet back into her shorts before laying down flat on her back. She was about to shift her weight to the left, downhill, initiating a dizzying roll down the slope, when he stepped over her. With a foot either side of her hips he held her in place, towering over her.

"I'm not a loser" He contended, bending at the waist to tickle her sides, it was a strategy for gaining an apology he typically used with Shay. Erin couldn't help but laugh, hands grasping for his while she kicked her legs and squirmed to get away from him. She knew what would make him stop but wasn't going to give him the satisfaction while she could still breathe. Sensing her determination he redoubled his efforts, taking both her wrists in one hand so he didn't have to fight her.

"You win" She announced, sucking in a lungful of air as he paused for a moment.

"No…" He chided with a soft chuckle before tickling her again, noticing that she was near tears she was laughing so hard. His fingers danced up under the thin button down shirt, a moment later up under her singlet as well since she had wriggled so much it had come untucked.

"You're not a loser!" She conceded, his fingertips directly against her skin too much stimuli. He smiled victoriously and dropped to his knees, laughing as he used his free hand to wipe away her tears.

"I'm sorry" He said, still laughing as he leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead. "See you at the bottom!" He added, throwing himself right, off her and down the hill, rolling sickeningly fast. Erin frowned, wiped her eyes herself then followed him. Her last blurred glimpse of him, before she closed her eyes against nausea as she gained speed, he was just coming to a stop, sending his limbs out like a starfish to steady himself. That was her favourite part; the feeling of spinning when lying on the soft grassy flat at the bottom of the hill. Except that barest glimpse set off alarm bells, she was lighter and would travel further. They were going to collide if he didn't move. And he had no intention of moving, this was Kelly's least favourite part, the wind rushing past his face felt amazing, feeling like he was spinning when he was lying completely still wasn't. Erin couldn't just stick an arm out without risking hurting herself, but she couldn't think of any other way to lose momentum and with each passing second she was getting closer and closer. "Oomph!" It was more the noise of air rushing from his lungs than anything voluntary. She had tried using an elbow at the last second but it wasn't enough to soften the impact very much.

"Sorry" She apologised, settling her cheek against his chest as her mind spun. The thudding of his heart just audible below the steady whoosh of the fluid in her ears trying to figure out which way was up. Her calming presence was possibly the only thing that stopped him losing the lone pancake he had eaten for breakfast.

"No more" He declared when he opened his eyes only to see the clouds moving rapidly across the sky, taking more deep breaths.

"Sorry" She repeated, wiping the perspiration from his forehead back into his hair with a cool hand. Keeping her eyes closed as she tried to make the spinning feeling last. She associated the feeling with being arrested and being arrested was being safe. An odd association but one that made sense when she remembered the long day she had spent spinning on Hank Voight's office chair before having perhaps the most difficult conversation of her life. Juvenile detention or feeding him information, the risks for which he didn't hesitate to highlight. She had made the right decision. Seeking that feeling hadn't been her intention when she'd dragged her husband up the road, postponing the exchange of presents further in order to explore the nearby botanic gardens. It seemed more than a coincidence that their wedding venue was so close but Kelly insisted he had chosen the place purely because it had affordable rooms facing their home. Erin, having been made responsible for the day's activities, liked the idea of a morning walk. They had argued playfully as they walked that she wouldn't feel the need for exercise if she hadn't eaten his pancakes along with her omelette. And then, skirting the garden bed and admiring the tree, her intention had purely been not to fall on her face as her foot caught a root. They both laughed as she recovered, lying flat on the ground, Kelly too amused to give her a hand up. That was when she had seen the children across the grass rolling down the opposite hill, seizing the moment she had decided to give it a go.

"You asleep?" He questioned softly, she was so calm and quiet that he was sure she had drifted off to sleep.

"Just thinking" She answered with a contented sigh.

"About?" He enquired.

"You."

"Mmm?"

"I love you, all of you. But you like my laugh… And I think I like your eyes most" She concluded, it was something she had been thinking on since asking him what he liked most about her, just in case he returned the question. It was a hard call to make, and she understood why he hadn't answered straight away.

"Really?" He checked, looking down at her to find her eyes closed, she hadn't opened them since landing on his chest.

"Yeah, they're just so… deep… I can look into them and see all of you. Well maybe not see you but feel you… feel really connected to you. And I like that feeling" She explained as she carefully, being considerate of the fact that she had just rolled into him at high speed, moved up his body to look into his eyes. That was all she needed to know she was right.

"Your laugh means you're happy, I like it when you're happy" He replied, feeling the need to justify his own decision now that she had hers.

"They twinkle too, not just in a certain light, it's from inside of you, when you're happy" She added, falling into his bright blue orbs. Her happy place. She loved the way they seemed to change colour, dark with desire, twinkling with happiness, bright with curiosity. Shay had her father's eyes, all evidence suggested Ember would too, knowing that she could grow something that was so clearly him made her heart sing.

"I like your lips second best" He stated for the record before lifting his head to claim them. Slightly swollen from the sheer use they had had so far, not that either of them would change that, if anything it intensified their sensitivity.

"Mmm… I like your lips second best too" Erin agreed, slipping a hand in under his head to support it as she kissed him, tongue lightly grazing his bottom lip to find the skin broken in two places. She pressed a light kiss to each when she pulled back, looking at him she couldn't help but laugh, just because she knew he liked it. It was only fair given how easy it was to make herself feel warm and fuzzy inside by simply staring at him.

"Mmm" He hummed, wrapping his arms around her, one hand at the small of her back while the other held her head, tucked in under his chin. His fingers weaving through her hair as she sighed again.

"I don't have to be laughing to be happy babe, I'm happy all the time… or I should be! I honestly didn't know life could be this good and it's because of you that it is" She mumbled slowly, saying what came to her mind, the words that felt right for that moment.

"It's just as much because of you" He assured, squeezing her for a moment before turning his chin to kiss her hair.

"I know you wanted to open presents but can we just stay like this for a little bit?" She asked hopefully, snuggling her herself down

"I don't plan on moving anytime soon" He smiled, relaxing into the soft grass, closing his eyes after watching the clouds roll on by for a few minutes. Chest rising and falling steadily beneath her as his mind meandered.

"Good" She breathed, a one word summary of her feelings in that moment. She wasn't sleeping, just so very relaxed, almost meditative. Their little patch of grass, with the big blue sky hig above them, a slice of nature in the middle of their city. A tiny insignificant city, no more than a speck on the surface of the earth, a coloured dot on a map, filled with even smaller, even more insignificant people. It didn't feel like that though, in their little bubble, removed from reality they were the most important people in the world.

"I love you, I know we say those words a lot but I mean them. I think about what they mean just as much as the first time we said them to each other, they're little words but they mean a lot…" Kelly smiled as he led her along the crushed gravel path some time later, holding her hand. An ant bite and the potential for sunburn had eventually sparked their move, now they walked hand in hand through the botanic gardens. Disoriented at first, it was clear though that Kelly had purpose. He was taking her somewhere in particular, distracting her with his words until they reached their destination. It wasn't far.

"I love you too, with all my heart" She vowed when she saw where they were going. A bench seat, an arch, white climbing roses in full bloom just as they had been on this day a year ago, their sweet fragrance filling the air and their nostrils as they moved to sit down. Erin had struggled in her dress, fearful of dirtying the most valuable garment she had ever worn if she sat, Kelly, then and now, ever the gentleman, had pulled her into his lap.

"To infinity and beyond" He murmured as she cuddled into him, the curves of her body fitting with his as if they were part of a jigsaw puzzle, made to fit together.

"To infinity and beyond… Buzz" She replied with a laugh, making sure he knew she wasn't blinded as to the origin of the downright corny phrase. Kelly just smiled.

"Do you think Shay's big enough for Toy Story?" He questioned later, not familiar enough with the movie to remember if it was suitable for a two year old. It was a kids movie but seeing Shay wrestle with the themes in The Land Before Time had him wondering what that really meant. A lot of movies were classified as children's movies, and a lot of their content was beyond the two year old's grasp, but that didn't mean he was going to let her watch them.

"No" She shook her head, she couldn't remember if the creepy spider-like beheaded doll was in the original or one of the many sequels but it featured somewhere and that made the entire franchise off limits to her innocent baby.

"I guess it's a bit scary" He agreed, thinking of the same toy, cannibalised by the creepy kid.

"Life is scary… and I'm an adult" She concluded, gazing off into the distance as she thought about expanding on her statement. Kelly tightened his hold around her waist and waited. "It's less scary when you're here. Shay and Ember have both of us. To protect them from the scary parts of life" She smiled, for that she would always be thankful; then came her serious face. "But if… for some reason we're not both there I know you'll be okay, and our girls will be too. You'll protect them…"

"I'm going to protect you, so that never happens" He said certainly, looking deeply into her eyes.

"I know but if…" She reasoned, it was hard to say let alone think.

"Erin" He warned, not at all liking what she was saying. It hurt too much.

"We do dangerous jobs… I need to know… that between you and the rest of the family we have that our girls would be alright" She managed to get out, only pausing to swallow the lump in her throat twice.

"I don't want to lose you" He squeaked, wishing she would look at him, then she would know that he was just as conscious of the dangers involved in their occupations, that he was just as affected. It made sense for her to bring this up now. She had wanted serious adult conversation and what was more serious than this?

"And you aren't going to, just like I'm never going to lose you… It's just if" She assured, it was easier to speak this time, letting herself revert to the naïve belief that they would be together forever, inseparable for an eternity.

"If… I'd live for them, Shay and Em, because part of them if you" He provided. It was what she needed to hear, especially if she was considering the prospect of staying true to her word and returning to work in just over three months' time.

"I'd do the same" She smiled, blinking away tears that she hadn't let fall as she looked at him, kissing him lovingly before resting her forehead against his.

"I don't ever want to live a day without you" Kelly whispered.

"It's a good thing I plan on sticking around then" She answered with a wet laugh, leaning back to watch his expression change.

"Yeah" He agreed plainly, kissing the cheek closest.

"As long as you know I'm staying for the pancakes and the sex…" She clarified with an unconvincing shrug, hiding her laugh as he growled.

"You mean there's more to it than that?" He demanded, feigning shock as she laughed openly. He laughed too then, he had to do something to erase the tension and seriousness that had fallen over them. It was important but that didn't mean he had to like it. His wife's ringtone had them both falling silent as she withdrew the device she had completely forgotten, somewhat surprised it hadn't been lost during their hill rolling fun.

"Hello?" She enquired as she lifted the device to her ear, Chase's name on the screen meant it could be any of the three verbal individuals back at home.

"MAMA" Shay screamed, nearly deafening her mother in her excitement to hear her voice.

"Shay sweetheart, how are you?" Erin asked as Kelly reached for the phone.

"Hey princess" Kelly added as his wife tapped the speaker icon.

"DADA… I misses you" Shay scolded once she had concluded her celebration of his presence with another screech.

"We miss you too. How's Em-bear?" Erin was quick to enquire, wishing her tiny baby could talk.

"Goodly… Me too… I being goodly… you no listen Chasey… He bein' silly" Shay warned, clearly distracted by something.

"Oh is he? Is he there Shay? Does he want to talk to us?" Erin asked before her husband could speak, not even conscious of the fact she was dominating the conversation.

"Umm… No" Shay answered hesitantly.

"Shay, give that here" Chase called from somewhere in the background.

"Shay, maybe you should give the phone to Chase" Erin suggested gently, knowing the toddler was more likely to comply with an indirect request than a direct one.

"But I gots to do talkin' first… I tells you everythin'. Promise" Shay explained as she sat down on the edge of the sandpit, opposite her brother. Chase was currently buried right up to his middle, trapped in the soft yellow sand while the toddler chattered into the phone.

"Okay baby girl, tell us everything" Erin requested, relaxing back against her husband as she prepared for the long, and potentially confusing, recount of everything they had missed that the toddler thought important.

**Just another piece, I like this one more than yesterdays though. I'm enjoying exploring Erin, Kelly and their relationship in a way I don't usually get to because the focus of the story, and their lives, is their girls. **


	155. Chapter 155

"Ooh, someone must be getting married" Erin beamed as they rounded the building in which their wedding ceremony and reception had been conducted; the restaurant portion of the building filled with well-dressed people.

"They do other events" Kelly reminded. The large glass windows gave everyone inside the chance to look out at the gardens while also allowing the pair to look inside. There didn't seem to be any specific order to the tables, they had seated eight people at each table for their wedding he remembered, since seating arrangements had taken Kelsey and Erin two whole weeks to figure out perfectly.

"Mmm" Erin nodded, admiring the building and remembering their special day. "Look!" She announced suddenly, making her husband jump as she simultaneously grabbed his arm and pointed.

"Where's the fire?" He questioned, confused by her urgency as he searched for whatever it was she pointed at.

"Oh haha! No the sign, under new management, open to the public..." She read aloud before turning to give him an excited look.

"Hmph" He exhaled, frowning.

"What? We could do a date night here" Erin suggested enthusiastically.

"If I hadn't already booked a table at the hotel restaurant I could have brought you here…" He explained, there was no reason for him to have but he still felt foolish for not checking. It would have been perfect to celebrate having spent a year together at the same place it had become official.

"Baby… The hotel restaurant is closer to our room… and our bed…" She offered with a suggestive wiggle of the eyebrows, moving around him to stand leaning against his chest. It was clear he felt he had failed; that was the cause of her saddened look not the fact that they weren't going to the restaurant.

"But this place is special" He muttered disappointedly.

"We'll just have to remember for next year" She provided with a shrug and a smile, desperate to convey that she really didn't mind where they ate dinner, just that they were together, going out was already a bonus. She didn't know how to explain that without sounding ungrateful.

"I'm going to see if they have a table" He decided determinedly.

"What?!" She questioned, alarmed when he then immediately grabbed her wrist and tugged.

"Lunch. I'm hungry" He justified abruptly, strategizing as they approached the entrance.

"Babe they're going to want a reservation, look how packed it is" Erin argued, pulling him to a halt in the hope that he would see sense before the couple at the door could be taken to their table.

"I can see empty tables" He reasoned, losing his determined look and forgetting everything he had been rehearsing in his head. "I just want to ask."

"Yeah, yeah okay. Just ask… nicely" She agreed, at least when they were rejected he would feel that he had tried.

"Good Morning Sir, name?" The man in the bow tie questioned as Kelly stepped up confidently, holding his wife's hand and smiling softly.

"Hi, Lucien, I don't have a reservation but I was wondering if you had a table for two…" He started, glad for the shiny name badge on the man's chest.

"We do prefer that our patrons reserve a table, I think you'll be pleased to know that as a relatively new establishment we have extensive availability. Here's a card with our number" Lucien tried to dismiss politely.

"Thanks and I totally understand. I normally wouldn't ask but I can see that you have empty tables and it's our wedding anniversary, we held our wedding and reception here last year… It's a special place for us…" Kelly attempted gently, he had tried being up front, now he needed to win him over on compassionate grounds.

"Congratulations, but unfortunately those tables are reserved." Kelly narrowed his eyes slightly at that.

"It's early though, we'll be in and out, you can even kick us out you need the table… please…" He persisted, injecting just enough humour into his very serious plea.

"I'll speak with my manager, stay here" Lucien granted, leaving them standing at the threshold. Kelly expressed mixed emotions, happy that his words had some impact while bracing for the managers impending rejection. Erin was pleased though, not at the prospect of getting a table, but at the fact that her husband looked happy once again.

"Don't thank me yet" Kelly warned, misinterpreting her smile.

"Thank you for trying" She corrected, maintaining her smile. "I'm not hungry. It's nice to see it again…" She added to ensure he knew she appreciated his efforts.

"Ruzek slipped over there… And Shay danced with Hank in that corner" Kelly pointed out sentimentally.

"Mhmm" She smiled, remembering the fun they had had that night.

"Mr and Mrs…?" A second man asked, dressed in the same suit and bow tie as Lucien, obediently following his superior.

"Severide" Kelly supplied.

"We'd love to offer you a table, if you'll follow me" The manager requested with a broad smile. Kelly and Erin shared a look before entering the restaurant properly, immediately identifying the few things that had changed. There were the obvious things like the place settings and table cloths, now black instead of off-white, and then those that took a little longer to notice, new angular, chrome, light fittings and a shiny black grand piano in the corner. Both did a double take as they noticed the soft music was emanating from the piano, keys moving though there was no one there to press them. The manager stopped before a small round table next to a window, overlooking a garden bed of red roses, in the distance Erin could see the top of one particular tree, the starting point of their rolling fun. Kelly winked before moving to pull her chair out for her, stooping to kiss the top of her head once she was seated. "On behalf of everyone here at _Of Eden_ I'd like to wish you a very happy anniversary" He paused to beckon over a white aproned member of the wait staff. "Marco here will be your waiter today."

"Thank you" Erin smiled as the manager gave them a quick nod before rushing off to do something, more important no doubt.

"Good morning" Their waiter, Marco, greeted, he appeared young and friendly. He was about to continue when the smiling manager returned.

"A gift, to many happy years to come" The manager, who had either lost his name badge or thought he was too important for one, announced as he offered a bottle of wine.

"Oh…" Erin began, raising her hand a second too late as the upside down wine glass before her was taken, rich red liquid splashing into the crystal before she could explain that she didn't drink.

"A Napa Valley Red Bordeaux" The manager informed proudly, taking her noise as one of interest rather than an attempt to stop him. He clearly had years of experience, swiftly pouring an identical amount of wine into both their glasses and placing them softly on the table.

"Thank you" Kelly responded, eyeing the intricate pattern on the label of the bottle of wine before looking up.

"Marco" The older man barked roughly, turning to give the couple a friendly smile as he backed away.

"Our menu" Marco supplied softly, offering a leather bound menu to each of them. They accepted gratefully and immediately set about reading the options, just because the manager had been kind enough to give them a table didn't mean they weren't still liable to being kicked out if someone more important arrived. "If you don't mind I'll leave you to have a look, please don't hesitate if you have any questions" Marco finished evenly, looking across to see an elderly man waving his napkin wildly in an attempt to get his attention. The moment Kelly nodded in acknowledgement the waiter was gone, giving the only man in the room in a t-shirt a moment to think about everything that had just happened.

"Is this okay?" He questioned, as much as he wanted to be there he felt out of place. Wishing he could clear the space of everything but the table they occupied, maybe then it would feel like their wedding night again. Time had passed and he started to accept that they would never have that exact night again, they could still have a nice lunch together though.

"Absolutely, I feel special…" She answered, fighting the urge to examine her surroundings she looked into his eyes instead. "I underestimated you on this one, but I shouldn't have… Kelly Severide you are my hero."

"Because I got us a table?" He clarified, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah" She decided after a moment, lowering her menu so she could give him a small smile that she hoped conveyed a lot.

"Okay…?" He tried to accept, hesitant to be thought of as a hero for simply acquiring a table. He hated the word generally, all the men and women he worked with were heroes but for some reason the title was very rarely used to describe them when a fuss was made by the media.

"It's more than a table though babe, you try so freaking hard all the time. You care. You risk your own safety for complete strangers, you're selfless. And don't try and say that I'd do the same because I'm not sure I would anymore. I'm selfish, especially for the last few years, not selfish as such just really focused on is our family… I don't know how you do it because it's not as if you care about us any less. You just have a really big heart and I love you and that's why you're my hero" She justified, putting down the menu then forcing him to do the same, taking his hand and maintain eye contact as she spoke. "And it's a really nice table..." She added softly, thinking she might have overdone it.

"If I'm a hero it's because you taught me how to be…" He reasoned, voice thick with conviction. For a moment he thought she was going to argue but she left the topic behind, feeling she had said everything she needed to.

"You gonna have the steak?" She enquired, raising the menu, it was his typical order when they went out. At first it had bothered her that he always got the same thing while she tried to get something different every time, often asking for a recommendation from the waiter in order to expand her horizons and try new things. Only when she then found a recipe and tried to recreate a meal did he know she had enjoyed it.

"Yeah I was considering it, you're looking at the chicken Caesar salad aren't you?" He replied, an educated guess given the page she was on and approximately where her eyes were pointing.

"I was but I think I'll go with the fish" She decided, flicking back a page to reassess the option. As much as it was an indicator of the calibre of the restraint she hated when the price of a meal wasn't listed, brought up on whatever was cheapest it was still her go to method for decision making.

"Yeah?" Kelly pondered, surprised.

"I mean they let us in wearing t-shirts and shorts so why not mix red wine and fish at the same time…" She shrugged, running her finger down the delicate stem of the wine glass as she looked around at the other diners.

"You want to drink it?" Again surprise filtered through in his tone.

"Well maybe… Em's not going to get drunk because of it… It would be rude not to… and one glass won't hurt… but really it all just depends on whether it tastes any good" She concluded at last, the words she was saying didn't necessarily correlate with what was happening in her head.

"Mhmm" He agreed lifting his own glass to give the inhale the scent of the crimson liquid.

"Is that okay?" She asked, voice surprisingly small, genuinely seeking his approval.

"Of course! Babe…" He sighed in disbelief. "You say I'm selfless but you gave up coffee and alcohol for our girls" He reminded, attempting to counter her earlier statement.

"That's different, I did that for selfish reasons, so that they'd be healthy" She disagreed, knowing selfish wasn't the right word, she just couldn't think of another that described what she meant.

"That's the opposite of selfish, you did it for Shay and Em" Kelly reasoned exasperatedly.

"Selfish for us though, just us, our little family. I can't even remember the last time I did something for someone else that didn't directly benefit us as well" She put to him flatly. Kelly frowned and shook his head, he would never think to put the word selfish in a sentence featuring his absolutely kind-hearted wife. "See you can't think of anything either" She claimed moments later when he hadn't thought of an example to prove her wrong, not surprising considering he wasn't even trying.

"No, Erin… Just stop, I don't want to argue" He tried to calm.

"I like arguing with you… its part of our dynamic" Erin rationalised, expression softening with each word, hopeful he saw the humour.

"That's why you put it in your vows…" He acknowledged with a nod, smiling to himself, sometimes it was hard to remember that she'd had a decent education once the Voight's had taken her in.

"You can't possibly remember them!" She announced loudly, again he was proving that he was too good suddenly making her feel awful for failing to remember his vows word for word, she had the general gist, a few segments, but that was it. "Look we can argue or we can talk about the girls, those are the only topics I've got at the moment" She explained, returning to her state of calm in seconds.

"What about the weather?" He suggested, having a feeling he was choosing the first option by default.

"It's a nice day, might get some rain later though. That'd be cool to watch from our room… It's starting to get warmer but that's kinda how seasons work so I don't know why people always bring it up…" Erin began defiantly.

"Okay weather's boring, girls then… but only if you promise not to get sad" He requested, setting aside the menu before reaching for her hand.

"I promise. This is going to sound crazy but I actually feel so much better after that phone call…"

"How is that crazy?" He demanded before she could explain. It made perfect sense that she would feel better after talking to their girls. Nadia had even sent them a photo of Ember's confused face, snapped while her parents spoke to her through the phone, looking around for the origin of the familiar voices, baffled and unable to locate them.

"Were you even listening? Chase and Nadia are exhausted, Shay is a sleep deprived monster and Em's grumpy and gassy… It's crazy because I'm glad they're struggling, I'm glad it's normal at home, they're not all happy smiley perfect photo moments and they definitely aren't doing a better job than me… That's important. Plus I don't miss Shay as much now that I know she's in a bad mood and I certainly don't envy whoever's dealing with Emmy's diapers…" She finished, screwing up her face at the thought. She had changed hundreds of diapers but it continued to be an unpleasant but unavoidable task.

"That's a little bit crazy but you justified it well" He accepted, raising her hand to his lips, staring deeply into her eyes as he pressed a kiss to the soft skin of the back of her hand.

"Apologies for interrupting; I was wondering if you'd had a chance to look over the menu" Marco enquired courteously.

"Yeah we have, thanks Marco" Kelly answered, reluctantly breaking eye contact with his wife to look at the younger man.

"Wonderful. And what did you decide upon?" Marco continued, whipping a notepad out of the pocket in the front of his apron, flicking it open before resuming his attentive look, pen hovering, ready to write down their order.

"I was going to try the fish" Erin started when both men turned to her first.

"Brilliant choice, lovely at this time of year, sustainably caught and delivered fresh each morning, our head chef's personal favourite. Sir?" Marco turned, finishing his well-rehearsed spiel then looking to Kelly.

"I'm going to be boring. Just the steak thanks, medium rare with the mushroom sauce and roast vegetables" Kelly answered flatly.

"I assure you our steak is far from boring. Was there anything else you required?" Marco asked as he tore the page from his notepad, dropping all but the slip of paper back into the pocket.

"I don't think so, thank you" Erin supplied with a smile.

"I'll just take these then" Marco nodded, reaching for their menus, a second later he was gone, fading away to leave them to their conversation. Except neither of them could quite remember what they had been talking about.

"How long has Shay been calling the baby monitor the..." Kelly started to ask.

"Emmy-belly-phone?" Erin finished for him, grinning at the adorable name for the device. "Just a few weeks" She answered when he nodded. "It's my fault though because every time I hear Em crying I say she must be hungry, Shay thinks it tells me how full she is…"

"It's cute" He laughed, Shay had come up with creative names for a lot of things, 'splishsplosher' instead of dishwasher for example.

"You don't like it do you?" Erin asked, referring back to the baby monitor, she wasn't sure he had ever used the device that she relied upon so heavily. It would be so much more difficult to spend the day catering to both girls needs if she had to stay within earshot of their bedroom.

"Nah" He shook his head when he worked out what she was talking about. "All those buttons make it worse than the radios at work" He grumbled making the gadget with straightforward, logical operations, sound far more complicated than it was.

"And we all know you can't operate those…" She reminded with a dry giggle.

"Everyone's forgotten that except you" He defended thinking back to that night, or morning rather, utter bliss followed by the desperate desire for the earth to crack open beneath his feet and swallow him whole.

"And Jay… And poor Chase" She supplied. It was possibly worse for Jay, as thankful as he was he hadn't been present for the auditory assault his imagination provided a graphic substitute. Chase hadn't even been living with them at the time, he barely knew them, it was awkward enough to hear his new boss in bedroom and while they hadn't ever openly discussed it the knowledge that he had heard them in such an intimate setting was sufficiently troubling.

"It feels like he's been living with us for more than…" Kelly started, pausing to do the maths.

"Seven… maybe eight months" Erin provided, the numbers handy since she had been thinking about it only a few days ago when considering their son's upcoming birthday.

"Yeah, I can't remember what we did before he was there to help out" He admitted honestly.

"Well before Chase it was just Shay to run around after" She tried to help, it was hard for her to think of their lives before he had arrived as well.

"I guess I've just gotten so used to having him around all the time" He shrugged, from colleagues to so much more from the moment her wife had dragged the kid into their home, and lives.

"Is it hard to work with him? I mean since you spend almost all of your time together" She questioned, not having really considered the fact they practically lived in each other's pockets, constantly at home or work together.

"No, he's great, listens, learns quickly. He'll have his own squad in five years tops" Kelly declared confidently.

"Really?" She asked, taken aback by his forwardness rather than the suggestion that Chase could advance through the ranks.

"Huge leadership potential" He nodded eagerly, a mixture of pride and certainty in his tone.

"You should tell Russ that" She requested, Chase's uncle would love to know that the young man was doing so well.

"Next time I see him I will. Ace is going places, and as long as it's not my spot he's gunning for I'll support him" He committed firmly.

"It's hard that he's not actually ours" Erin reflected sadly after a short pause in the conversation.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean he has already has a mother, do I need to include her in birthday plans?" She pondered.

"Ask him" He suggested, at first Chase had been hard to approach, now they could talk about almost anything.

"He's never talked about her before, I don't even know her name. And then there's the fact that Shay absolutely adores him, he's a great big brother to her, but he's not always going to live with us. He'll get his own place someday, or a place with Nadia… And he'll always be family but I can't imagine only seeing him for dinner on Sunday" She sighed, he was part of their family and she was very much using Shay as a means to express her feelings. Even though Chase hadn't voiced intentions of moving out since the end of his first month with them she couldn't help but dread the idea.

"He hasn't mentioned leaving anytime soon, and why would he? He's practically living for free" Kelly reasoned, drawing on exactly what she had just been thinking.

"I don't mind" She shrugged, they weren't struggling financially and even if they were she wouldn't seek rent from their boy, they had bought a family home not a share house or investment property. Chase was family.

"Mmm" He agreed noncommittally, to be completely honest he didn't mind either. It certainly wouldn't hurt for their son to have a healthy savings account for whatever came his way.

"But you're the one actively earning the money so it's your call I guess…" She conceded submissively.

"Talking about money I actually have one of your presents here if you want it" He announced, avoiding her very uncharacteristic statement.

"Money?" She questioned. He had teased her about giving her money so she could get something she actually wanted but they had both decided they would buy and exchange gifts, no matter how difficult that proved to be.

"Kinda…" He answered mysteriously, removing his wallet from his back pocket and setting it on the table.

"Yeah okay" She agreed, deciding to play along and see what happened.

"Ta-da" He announced as he produced a thin, rectangular, piece of plastic; A magnetic stripe on the back, her name stamped in silver on the front, a bank card. No ordinary bank card though. Instead Kelly had spent three hours in their local bank branch to get it personalised. A photo of their girls printed on the front instead of the usual black and grey pattern. He had captured the photos of the sisters lying on the blanket looking deeply into each other's eyes during Ember's tummy time one day. The baby had been tired and frustrated, the toddler confused by her little sister's incapacity to lift her own head, imitating her to try to understand.

"Aww… that's perfect, and really cool. Now I'll always have a photo of them on hand" Erin smiled, brushing her thumb over Shay's wild hair affectionately, it was definitely going to make her think of them with every transaction. Maybe that was his strategy to get her to budget.

"I hoped you'd like it" He replied, pleased with her reaction.

"I do. Thank you. It's very thoughtful" She continued more seriously, wishing there wasn't a table in the way to keep her from kissing him. Instead she tried to convey her appreciation by admiring the card.

"I'll hold on to it for now if you want" He offered a moment later.

"Thank you…" She agreed, handing it over and watching as he slipped the image of their girls into the leather slot. "I'm sorry, I don't have anything for you here. We'll open presents when we get back."

"Your presence is a present."

"Please tell me that was you practicing a dad joke…" She cringed.

"No… you didn't laugh" He retorted, pulling a face since he had been trying to be serious, choosing his words poorly.

"Sorry" She snorted sarcastically before laughing.

"How do you do that?" He questioned, unable to distinguish between her current laughter and that of genuine amusement and happiness.

"What?"

"That was just really real…" He tried to explain.

"Honey I'm trained for undercover work, I can fake laugh" She dismissed, almost feeling as if she needed to tell him that just because she could didn't mean she went around faking her displays of emotion.

"I don't know if I should let you go back to work" He knew it would be an inflammatory statement, deciding to take hold of the topic since she had raised it.

"Why not?" She questioned, not submissive but certainly open to his opinion on the matter.

"Because I'll miss you bringing in all the yummy things you bake" He provided, as if that were really enough reason for her to stay home. "You won't be able to taxi Shay around to all her activities either" He added more reasonably.

"Will you be able to take the afternoon off for Shay's dance concert?" She asked, she had been meaning to all week.

"Uh sure… When is it?"

"Not this Wednesday but next" She informed, having mixed feelings about their little big girl performing on a stage in front of a live audience.

"She's two, does she really need a dance concert?" He posed, clearly thinking the same thing.

"She's two and a half… she'll be three before you know it" She consoled, Shay had been rehearsing for months, it would be wrong not to let her perform just because they didn't want to deal with the fact that she was growing up.

"She's already so big" He complained.

"That's why we have Em, between the two of them we should both get to experience all the good bits" She smiled triumphantly, thinking of all the things she had overlooked with Shay that she was enjoying so much more the second time around. Quiet midnight feeds, talking about anything and everything because the sound of her voice was enough to calm the baby, tiny fingers and toes, baby fat rolls and all those creases; she loved it all.

"I suppose… might need another" He added with the subtlety of a rhinoceros on a rampage.

"I already said yes to a third, when Shay starts school" She clarified.

"In three years…" He grumbled.

"Ember is three months old, I'm not having another any time soon" She reasoned, very fairly considering it was her body. Kelly was about to make it very clear that just because he wanted more didn't mean he wasn't incredibly grateful for what he had when Marco appeared, plates in hand.

"The fish and the steak" The waiter supplied as he placed the plates before the radiant wife and grinning husband, a truly happy couple.

"Thanks Marco" Erin said as her eyes devoured the incredibly artistic presentation of her meal.

"Enjoy" Marco added before disappearing again.

"Looks good" Kelly commented, speaking of neither dish specifically.

"I love you" She delivered firmly as she raised her wine glass.

"I love you too" He committed, replicating her movements until the crystal clinked, producing a high sharp note that buzzed for a moment as they brought their wine glasses to their lips. Eyes making it very clear that they'd rather the mouth of the other.

* * *

"I can't believe you got me drunk" Erin giggled as she swayed in the elevator, tilting her head at the Erin before her. A reflection in the mirror that didn't quite match up to eyes that couldn't see straight.

"Shh" Kelly calmed, readjusting his hold on her waist to keep her upright and at his side.

"I bet that was your plan… smartypants" She declared loudly, the other couple in the elevator appeared quite amused by her intoxicated state.

"Erin" He warned softly.

"Yeah baby?" She asked, concern written across her face, heavily exaggerated as she leaned in to his body, hands clutching his shirt as she looked up into his eyes with a drunken innocence he'd never seen in her eyes before.

"I love you" He provided since he couldn't think of anything else.

"I love you too" She affirmed, sliding her hands down then around his body, not stopping she let her hands roam. He almost yelped when she squeezed his backside through the thin fabric of his shorts. "I'm gonna show you" She vowed adamantly, whispering more loudly than Shay did on average.

"Shh" He reverted to saying, taking her hands in his and pressing a kiss to her slightly warm forehead. If he thought the alcohol would have such an effect he never would have let her have another half glass when she'd finished her first. It turned out to be very nice wine, so nice that he had felt bad about leaving any behind, he couldn't drink what remained after their first glasses alone so he had poured her a generous half and finishing the rest. She'd been tipsy on her third sip so in hindsight it should have been obvious that her alcohol tolerance was non-existent after such an extended period without.

"Ding!" She announced loudly when at long last the elevator arrived on their floor, the other couple were on this floor as well. They had no trouble exiting the metal box. Erin was suddenly very curious to see what would happen if she pressed all the buttons at once, except she didn't have twenty-four fingers, it took her a painfully long time to realise that even with her husband's help they still wouldn't be able to press all the buttons at exactly the same moment. She pressed all the floors then had to be physically removed, deciding that the doors would shut if she wasn't actively depressing the 'Open Doors' button.

"A glass and a half and you're this drunk" He mumbled as he practically carried her to the door of their room.

"You poured" She reminded, hands feeling massive and clumsy as she searched her pockets for the key, more in control now that she was away from the glowing buttons of the elevator.

"You drank it" He countered as he took the key from her and opened the door. He was ready to help her through the door but she didn't seem to need his help. She stepped into the room and immediately her hands fell to her belt, unbuckling it before throwing it over her shoulder, narrowly missing hitting her husband in the face. Erin had stepped out of her shoes at the same time and now worked bottom to top on her buttons, her shorts falling to her feet then the button down. She stretched as she removed her singlet, finding herself dressed only in underwear she rotated on the spot. "What are you doing?" He enquired gently, he had removed his shoes and socks but nothing more.

"We're going to have sex now… you're going to make love to me and I'm going to moan the way you like when you…" She was cut off before she could finish.

"I think it's best if we just lie down for a bit" He suggested, pointing to the bed, which he only just realised had been made.

"Yeah we can make out first, that's cool" She accepted, licking her lips before reaching her hand up behind herself for her bra clasp.

"I just want to lay with you, come here" He requested, closing his hand around hers before she could get the tricky clasp undone.

"Touch me" She requested as he led her by the hand over to the bed.

"I'll hold you. Just lie down for me" He instructed, pulling back the covers before guiding her into the bed. "That's it, nice and slow."

"Don't forget… condom" She murmured, eyes struggling to stay open from the moment she lay her head on the pillow.

"Okay baby" He agreed softly as he climbed in after her, pulling her against his body to hold her as he had during the night. She sighed deeply before her breathing evened out, she was asleep. Peaceful. Now he just had to cross his fingers and pray she wouldn't have a hangover when she woke up. He didn't hold much hope though, not if she was that drunk on a glass and a half of wine. Not a particularly potent wine either.


	156. Chapter 156

**Yesterday I had an asthma attack... seeing as I didn't have asthma until yesterday it was pretty scary. I was too busy trying to breathe to even think about updating, not going to apologise for that. I had a whole heap of tests done and now I'm on medication that will hopefully stop it ever happening again :D**

The signals, transmitted from bladder to brain in an instant, kept coming. At first there was no urgency, just a reminder that a bathroom would be required soon, overridden by peaceful slumber. Reaching full capacity the reminder became an alert, rousing her with a desperate need to get to a toilet. Normally, at home, during the night, she would get up and stumble her way to the bathroom, not opening her eyes until she needed to find the door, even then they remained half shut. She couldn't do that in this foreign room though. Head still fuzzy with alcohol induced calm it took her far longer than it should have to realise she wasn't seeing double. In fact the Erin before her was restricted to the small screen of her husband's phone, forward facing camera reflecting her first few seconds of consciousness back at her. "Wha…?" She mumbled, extending a hand to push the phone away. "What are you doing?" She demanded sleepily, voice raspy, face screwed up in a confused frown as she turned to look at him.

"Sorry baby, I just wanted a photo" He explained softly, kissing her forehead to encourage her to relax the increasingly severe look she wore.

"Why?" She rasped, seeking clarification on both parts, the desire for a photo and the accompanying apology.

"Because you looked happy… peaceful. I don't have many photos of you, especially not ones like that… looking so calm" Kelly answered with a soft sigh, in the fading light her skin positively glowed. The irresistible urge to capture the moment had fallen over him, giving up dozing just to look at her. He was sure he could watch her sleep forever and never tire of her beauty and tranquillity. A photo would at least enable him to reflect on this day and the deep sense of peace he felt.

"Creep" She scoffed, starting to move away from him as her bladder sent another plea for relief.

"I'm sorry" He rushed to say, trying to pull her back.

"Don't squeeze me or I'll pee my…pants. Where are my pants?" She demanded, feeling the crisp cotton sheets against her bare legs, concern crossing her face as she turned on him. "What happened… we didn't… did we?" She questioned, trying desperately to remember. Everything was just so hazy, her mouth tasted funny, making it difficult to concentrate and think. Propped up on her elbow she could see the trail of clothing spanning half the room.

"Babe you were drunk… really drunk for a glass and a half" He reasoned, unable to mask his amusement completely, remembering how rapidly she had removed her clothes once they had entered the room.

"Mmm…"

"We didn't have sex" He assured, somewhat offended that she thought he would consent under those circumstances. "You wanted to though" He smiled, leaning after her to kiss her shoulder.

"So what… I just took my clothes off?" She questioned, not quite believing that she would have done such a thing, even in a drunken state.

"Yeah, you don't remember?" He returned, his sympathetic look followed by a laugh.

"I remember the elevator buttons, but it's fuzzy… I feel weird, kinda tingly" She shuddered, frowning at the lack of control. At one stage she had enjoyed using alcohol to set her mind free, now she felt irresponsible, wishing she had stopped when the buzz first set in. That was comfortable, that she could handle; A buzz that allowed the conversation to flow unhindered by her tendency to overthink and overcomplicate everything. Not getting drunk, not taking off her clothes and forgetting how they had gotten back from the restaurant almost entirely. That wasn't her. That couldn't be her. It was far too strong a reminder and just like that her calm was gone, replaced by loathing, hatred for herself. She was a mother. She was not her mother.

Kelly sensed the change in her thoughts, and though he couldn't decipher what she was thinking he could tell it wasn't good, moving to comfort her in an embrace. She flinched so suddenly and sharply that it made him jump, pulling away from him to get up. She couldn't even begin to count how many times she'd picked up her mother's clothes as a child, left strewn across their tiny apartment on drunken nights. Looking at her own on the floor she felt sick to the stomach, leaving them where they were she rushed to the bathroom, closing the door behind herself. She froze, realising that if she started emptying her bladder she wouldn't be able to vomit simultaneously without making a mess. She didn't actually feel nauseous though, she just remembered that that was next, holding her mother's hair, fetching a glass of water, applying toothpaste to her toothbrush, helping her into the shower or bed. Then there were the nights where she'd done it all under the watchful eyes of strange men, helping her mother, doing what she was told before putting herself to bed. Trying to sleep through the strange noises coming from her mother's bedroom; lying there for hours looking up at the half dozen glow-in-the-dark stars that had been stuck to the ceiling by a previous tenant.

"Er, you alright?" Kelly questioned as he knocked on the bathroom door, he wanted to go in, he didn't know why he wasn't. "Erin?" He called again, more loudly, knocking harder. It worked and through the door Erin was shaking free of the hold her memories had on her, a firm grip, strengthened by the alcohol. "Erin? I'm…" He was about to turn the handle when her voice reached him.

"I just need a minute" It was all she could think to say as she looked at herself in the mirror. She wasn't and would never be that mother, she wasn't an alcoholic who had relapsed, she was a good mother, and wife, enjoying their first anniversary. Something her mother had never been able to do. She used the toilet and brushed her teeth before stepping out into the room, Kelly sat waiting anxiously on the end of the bed, so deep in thought he hadn't heard the bathroom door open. "I'm sorry" Erin said, startling him enough that he almost fell of the bed as he stood. She was apologising for ruining their lunch as much as for whatever it was that had just happened, rushing to collect up her clothes though she didn't put them on. Dumping them in a pile next to their bags she fished through his and pulled out the hoodie she had packed him, pulling it on while he watched, carefully evaluating each of her moves.

"You alright?" He enquired gently, searching for eye contact she wasn't going to give.

"Yeah… sorry" She apologised, adding to the list, this time for making him worry.

"Shh. I love you" He assured, making sure to move predictably as he stepped towards her, tucking her hair behind her ear before tilting her chin up. Her eyes were dark, the look of uncertainty he had been working so hard to banish so much more pronounced.

"I love you too" Erin confirmed, letting his strong arms hold her as she turned her head to rest her cheek on his chest. Exhaling in a shuddering sigh before biting her lip to calm herself, the alcohol would wear off soon enough, she just needed to regain control.

"You sure everything's alright? We could talk…" He offered tentatively.

"Or we could open presents!" She suggested enthusiastically, eyes bright with a smile as she looked up at him for agreement.

"We could…" He nodded, words heavy with concern, making it very clear that he would prefer to talk.

"Kelly, I'm fine, I promise. I was just…thinking about my mum. And how drunk she used to get… and how I promised myself I would never ever be like that if I had kids" She explained, it was hard, made worse by the fact she could feel her eyes starting to burn.

"B…" He tried to argue but she continued so he closed his mouth and listened instead.

"I know! I know it's a ridiculous comparison. I'm nothing like her, and I would never drink around our girls. It just took me a minute to stop freaking out because I'm still a little… off" She justified.

"Okay. Thank you for telling me…" He smiled, kissing her head as he pulled her flush against his chest.

"Please don't let me drink like that again… I don't like it" She requested, voice muffled as she snuggled against him.

"I'm sorry for pouring you more…" Kelly apologised as he rubbed her temples, massaging lightly to help her relax, pleased he had taken the photo when he did but eager for her to feel that way again.

"Babe, it's not your fault, I wanted to drink it… I knew it was having an effect…" She dismissed, blaming him certainly didn't help.

"You are nothing like your mother" He declared adamantly, turning her head with his hand then tilting his own to look at her as he spoke.

"You never even met her" She complained, thankful for the gesture no matter how hollow it was.

"But I know you and what you've told me about her, I wouldn't like that person. I love you though" He defended before tipping her chin up with a finger so he could kiss her, sucking her bottom lip in between his.

"Enough to give me presents?" She enquired when he released her, laughing softly at the look on his face. Excitement of the likes she hadn't seen since Christmas morning, the type of excitement only the thought of unwrapping presents could bring.

"Only if you give me some" He agreed, glad that they weren't going to put it off any longer.

"Of course" She agreed, pulling away from him. "Thank you" She added, then, knowing he would ask she clarified. "For always knowing what to say." They both crouched to dig around in the bags they had packed, Erin found what she was looking for before Kelly, keeping the small silver wrapped box behind her back as she got comfortable on the bed. A moment later he joined her, a small silver wrapped box held behind his back.

"Happy anniversary" He smiled as they simultaneously revealed their presents.

"Oh" She commented, noting that the wrapping paper was the same colour, the box he held only slightly smaller than the one she did. "Happy anniversary babe" She remembered as they traded gifts, silver wrapping paper had to be fairly common for anniversaries. They were used to opening presents one at a time and struggled to divide their attention between unwrapping and watching the other person unwrap. Curiosity and anticipation peaking as they peeled away the silver paper to reveal plain black boxes.

"Hm" He noted as he turned the box in his hand, it looked incredibly similar to the one she held, slightly bigger but otherwise identical. Then, holding eye contact they let their thumbs slide off the lids of the boxes, eyes dipping to see what the other held.

"NO!" She squeaked as her eyes finally reached the present she had received. It was the watch she had bought him, in a smaller size with gold markings on the face instead of silver.

"Cool" He commented as he pulled his watch from the box, slipping it onto his wrist to test it out.

"But how?" She demanded, taking her own out to look at it closer. She was glad it was much lighter than his had been in the store.

"I didn't like any of the women's ones, they were pretty but flimsy. I knew you'd want something practical so I got the men's one in the smallest size it comes, and the gold will match your ring" He explained, worried that she wouldn't like it because it was designed for men. It would outlast anything in the women's cabinet though, designed for rough treatment.

"I wanted something that you could wear to work, to… Really?" She questioned as she felt the even indentions on the back, it was engraved, she turned the brushed black stainless steel piece over to find those three dates.

"What?"

"You got it engraved?"

"Yeah, same dates as my tattoo" He smiled, rather proud of himself for connecting the present he had bought himself with the present he bought her. Of course the woman in the store had suggested, rather strongly now that he thought about it, getting the watch engraved and then when he didn't know what to put she had suggested the date of their wedding, just the cue he needed.

"Look at yours" She requested, trying to smile through the disbelief, how could it be a coincidence?

"Great minds?" He offered as he beamed at the numbers, thinking of the saying.

"I think so. Thank you by the way, I love it, wouldn't have bought it for you if I didn't like it. I hope you like the silver, I just thought it looked cool on the black" She explained, sliding it on to her wrist, she knew it was just about everything proof so she didn't plan on taking it off any time soon.

"I like it, thank you" He returned, putting his back on before extending his hand, holding hers as he admired not only the differences between the watches but between their hands as well. Hers soft and small, his calloused and larger, hers were lighter too, with just a few freckles sprinkled across the back, both scarred in different places.


	157. Chapter 157

"I did buy you another present but they were too big to bring so they're at home" Kelly explained as he accepted a third gift from his wife. He wore his new watch and a glittery photo frame containing their new family photo decorated the bedside table on his side of the bed. Soon enough it would stand alongside a few others on his desk at work, a reminder of his family and motivation when it came to paperwork.

"That's okay, this is beautiful" She grinned as her now empty hands returned to her second present, carefully lifting the baby book into her lap. She had filled out one for Shay religiously but hadn't even bought one for Ember; far too busy managing two little ones, a toddler with endless energy and a newborn with health problems. Kelly loved to look at Shay's, a great prompt for many happy memories, and wanted to be able to do the same for Ember in years to come. His search had begun online to find the same book and once it had arrived he began filling it with photographs and information whenever he had a spare moment at work. It was now up to date, ready for a photo of Ember at three months old. Erin looked fondly at the photo on a page she hadn't been able to fill in for Shay, meeting siblings, her two beautiful daughters and her handsome son wearing the same outfit, navy fleece footed pyjamas. Kelly was glad she liked it and after watching her for a moment turned his attention to peeling away the sticky tape that held together the firetruck wrapping paper. He had no idea that she'd used the paper intentionally, thinking it was just the first variety she had found at home.

"Ooh! Awesome!" He announced cheerfully as he pulled the red fabric out, opening the folded t-shirt to see his favourite animated animal, Blaze the fire dog.

"You always seemed to want to wear Shay's so I found one online for you. It's from Japan so don't be offended that it's like a four XL. If it doesn't fit I'll send it back and get you the next size up" She informed, watching as he pulled the shirt he wore up over his head with one hand, quickly replacing it with the new one.

"It fits" He assured, wriggling his arms and puffing out his chest to test the garment.

"I know it's not much" She shrugged.

"Babe I've been wanting one of these since the movie first came out, thank you" He replied, tossing the shirt he had been wearing and the crumpled wrapping paper to the end of the bed.

At some point following the exchange of presents they had settled together at the top of the bed, Kelly resting against the headboard while Erin used his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her small, warm body. Her bare legs had soon felt the chill, quickly tucked up under the hoodie without even stretching the fabric. The sky outside provided ample entertainment, bold colours highlighting the clouds as the sun sank further and further into the distance. Oranges faded through peach and soft pink to a vibrant purple followed by the deep blue of the impending darkness. The city buildings provided a fixed reference that allowed them to observe just how turbulent the upper troposphere was; clouds travelling at incalculable speeds towards the city. That was interesting to watch as well, traffic on the roads, planes and helicopters in the sky, teeming with life there was movement everywhere they looked. Eventually the sun dipped over the horizon, colours fading with the light as the city buildings became harsh silhouettes. The brightest stars became visible just as windows across the city were illuminated, darkness creeping in until the points of light were almost indistinguishable.

It was a comfortable silence and neither felt nor suppressed the urge to speak. Fingers twisting and intertwining as they tried to decide if it was cosmic brilliance or a mundane necessity that caught their eyes. Any amount of time could have passed and they wouldn't have known, too far back to see the cycle of traffic lights that would provide some hint. It didn't matter though, time would continue to pass whether or not they were conscious of it. The complete darkness limited what they could see and their interest in the outside world dwindled. Both sighed as they dragged their minds back to themselves, to their thoughts and feelings. And there, with the peace and mild happiness was something new. A sense of togetherness they'd never experienced before; like upgrading from dial-up to broadband if it could be likened to an internet connection. Heart rates and breathing had synchronised; and when they then turned to see if the other was feeling the same thing they did so simultaneously. A soft sigh then a smile were exchanged as they became accustomed to being physically, mentally and emotionally connected. The staring began, eyes dancing as they delved deeply into the consciousness of the other, right down through countless layers until it was all on display. Opening their very souls to each other. Her eyes darted away for a second and he knew, instinctively, exactly what she wanted. Cupping her cheek he held her head just so, lowering his mouth for a gentle but rapid kiss. Eyelids fluttered for a second then their eyes locked once again, this time nothing internal could break their trance. The force of nature could though, clouds finally becoming too heavy the air outside was suddenly filled with millions of droplets, the sound of them impacting the building penetrated the room. A gust of wind sent the droplets squarely at the glass expanse causing them both to look up. They watched the water for a moment then Erin yawned softly, the distraction suddenly welcomed as she realised how draining it was to unite so intensely. Her forehead found his mouth, but neither were sure who moved to make contact, as she closed her eyes and moved to rest her head on his chest, almost in his lap she was so tightly curled against him.

"We should get ready for dinner" He whispered after a moment, not wanting her to fall asleep, using his watch for the first time.

"Yeah" She breathed, making no attempt to move despite acknowledging that he was quite probably right.

"It takes me five minutes to get dressed" He added as he watched the seconds tick by thanks to her gift.

"It only takes me longer because I want to look good for you" She grumbled, slipping her hand between his back and the pillow so she could hug him.

"You always look good" He reasoned gently, brushing the lock of hair that fell between her eyes back. Her second hand was keeping warm in the hoodie pocket or she would have done it herself.

"Okay, I'll just wear this then" She concluded, challenging him to argue.

"Uh…" He stalled.

"What?" She encouraged, narrowing her eyes until a smile crept across her face.

"I think they have a dress code" He suggested after thinking hard for almost a minute, they likely did have guidelines but the hoodie was long enough to compete with the dresses he'd seen on some women at the restaurant at lunchtime.

"Fine" She sighed, squeezing him tighter. "I suppose I'll get up then."

"Mmm" He nodded, kissing her forehead before she pulled away, leaving his side feeling suddenly cold as she slid to the edge of the bed and stood up.

"Two fancy restaurants in one day… It's just so tedious" She complained facetiously.

"I know right!" He agreed, rolling onto his side so that the top half of his body lay across the pillows while his legs extended out down the bed at a right angle. It was warmer and allowed him to stretch his back but was otherwise quite uncomfortable; his body depressing the pillow so that his head and neck had no support.

"If I have to be up you do too" She demanded, grabbing his hand and tugging.

"Okay, I'm up. Reservation is for six thirty so you have half an hour" He explained as he straightened, watching her head into the bathroom. She was back a few minutes later, enough time that he was half dressed, tucking his black shirt into the grey pants he wore. Erin had the hoodie off in seconds, trading her underwear for the lace he had been so quick to remove the previous night. Then came the dress, all traces of baby vomit gone.

"Babe?" Erin requested once she had slipped into the dark grey dress.

"Sure" He nodded, stepping up behind her to draw the zip up her back, hiding away her lovely soft skin. Nuzzling against her neck he left a few soft kisses before she pulled away and returned to the bathroom. Kelly pulled on his socks and shoes, leaving his jacket hanging on the door handle prior to following her to see what was taking so long. She had been dressed in no time at all, she just needed to put on some shoes and she would be ready as far as he knew, except instead she was staring at herself in the mirror applying makeup. "You don't need that stuff baby" He commented as he crossed to the basin to watch her more closely.

"Shh" She sighed, concentrating on the black eyeliner she was applying, more heavily than usual. Three shades of eye shadow, blush that made her cheek bones seem far sharper and a deep cherry red lipstick all combined for a dark, striking look.

"Gorgeous, done?" He questioned, she was packing away so he was confident they'd be in the elevator soon enough.

"I haven't done my hair" She informed exasperatedly, running her hand through the soft waves that had formed naturally.

"It looks great" He informed, obviously eager to leave.

"Two minutes" She requested, it was a dramatic underestimate but he didn't need to know that. Her phone beeped on the bedside table. "Make that twenty" She revised as she dropped the comb and handful of hair pins to the bench.

"I'll check that, you do your hair" He ordered, leaving the bathroom before she could argue.

"If he's asking if it's a good time to call say yes, we can always be fashionably late…" She called from the doorway, forgetting her hair as she worried her husband would send a reply before she could intervene.

"It's just another photo" He dismissed, stuffing the phone into his pocket alongside his own.

"Show me my babies" She demanded, extending her hands to make the grasping motion Ember had not long perfected.

"Er" He shook his head.

"Give me the phone." She wasn't playing anymore, voice cold as she stepped up to him, ready to use force to get the phone from his pocket.

"Don't freak out" He pleaded as he turned over the device, knowing she would see it eventually any way. Erin turned on the screen and opened her messages to find the image, brow furrowing as she analysed it. Shay and Ember were in the bath. Together. There were no adult hands supporting Ember, just her big sister's.

"Aren't they perfect" She smiled as she handed the phone back, hoping she was making the right decision.

"Yeah… you're okay with it?" He asked, shocked.

"My two minutes starts now" She informed as she rushed back into the bathroom. He looked at the photo again, just to check that they were looking at the same picture, before moving to the doorway so he could watch her work. She, seemingly randomly, took sections of hair, twisting and pinning until it was all piled up, fastenings invisible even in the bright light. She added a touch of hairspray then looked herself over in the full length mirror, she fussed with her necklace for a second then was satisfied.

"You look incredible babe, really hot" He assured, unable to keep the grin from his face as he watched her.

"Hot enough to make you want to stay here?" She enquired as she pushed past him and into the room, locating her heels. Her calf muscles suddenly defined, the height difference between the pair considerably reduced.

"Definitely" He provided, knowing it was the right answer.

"Good, let's go" She smiled, making sure he had a key before leading the way to the door, walking confidently he had to increase his pace to catch up before she reached the elevator.

* * *

"That one, the really bright one that's twinkling lots, that's my favourite" Erin informed as she pointed up at the second brightest star in the sky.

"You have a favourite star?" Kelly questioned, it wasn't something he had ever considered.

"Yeah, stars are safe, whenever I couldn't sleep as a kid I used to open my window and climb out onto the fire escape to look at the stars… It was quiet, nobody knew, my safe place. Then when Camille died… it just helps me remember she's up there watching over me" She explained softly as she leaned back to rest her head against his shoulder, sitting with her bare feet dangling over the edge of the roof. Nothingness tickling her toes, or rather a warm breeze that made sitting as she was possible, having dried the ledge following the brief shower of rain.

"Fair enough" He accepted, stroking her cheek with the back of his pointer finger.

"Stupid actually, I don't believe in heaven for anyone but her. If there's a heaven she's definitely up there" She shrugged, turning her head to look at him, wanting to know what he thought of her selective beliefs.

"You miss her?" It was a statement but his unintentional rising inflection made it a question. One Erin didn't hesitate to provide an answer to.

"All the time, she would have been the best grandma, sneaking Shay sugary treats and taking the girls to the park… She would've cried at our wedding" She smiled, able to picture it so clearly, standing there in the front row with Hank. She would probably have held Shay through the ceremony too.

"She'd be so proud of you" He insisted despite never having met the woman.

"I think she'd like you" She sighed, though picturing an interaction between the two was far more difficult, both devoted to their family to such a degree that it would take a long time for them to trust each other.

"I wish I could have met her." He voiced a desire he didn't know he had up until that moment, he knew she was gone so he hadn't really put any further thought into it.

"Stars are good for wishing on…" She told him, a statement not entirely disconnected from his but still bewildering. Her mind had wandered so far that he wasn't sure she had heard what he said, eyes wide and focused on the night sky. Kelly readjusted his hold around her waist and shifted his weight from foot to foot until he found a more comfortable stance, waiting patiently. It was only a few minutes before she started to blink rapidly, clearing her head as she gave him a questioning look, as if she needed a prompt for their conversation. He hesitated for a moment then decided to share what he had been thinking.

"You're my star. I know it sounds corny but you and Shay, Leslie not our Shay, are the two brightest lights in my life. It's almost like I wasn't meant to have you both at the same time, you can't put two stars that close together…Every time I find myself missing her I just think about how little time she had, and how much she would want me to do something with the people I love instead of wasting time missing her… We can't control time, how much we have left is anyone's guess, but I know I'm going to be spending my time with you" He vowed, sealing his words with a kiss that left her breathless.

"All our time, that's why we need these, to make the most of our time" She justified as she tapped the face of his watch lightly.

"Yeah" He nodded, realising that it wasn't wasting time to reflect on the people they had lost, as long as he didn't let it consume him. For the first time since his return to the city following her death he allowed all the memories to flow freely. There was nothing but the gentle breeze for a long time, both lost in silent reverie.

"Shay's that one there, next to Camille, with the red tinge" Erin decided, pointing her finger a touch to the left of Camille's star.

"I think you're right" He nodded, he knew Shay would scoff, flicking her blonde hair aside before laughing. She had always been surprised by just how emotive he could be, not your average robot-man only capable of expressing pleasure, pain and anger. She would have felt flattered too, masking it with laughter, uncomfortable in the knowledge that she had had such an effect on his life that he was remembering her more than three years after, she was like his wife in that regard, blind to her own worth. "Do you think Camille would like Shay?" He posed since she knew both of them, Shay not as well as he would have liked but enough to get a sense of her character.

"Definitely, that would be a shopping trip I'd want to skip" She said, laughing at the prospect of her mother and her husband's best friend having any sort of relationship.

"All damn day looking for a pair of shoes to match a dress she didn't even like" He nodded, chuckling, feeling he had a better sense of his wife's mother figure if she could see her shopping with Shay. Not to say he hadn't enjoyed the occasional shopping day, it was just she knew exactly what she wanted and refused to compromise, he much preferred nights at bars and strip clubs with her. The fact that he could be a guy around her and not worry about offending her, in fact at times she was worse than he was.

"When I moved in with them I had two pairs of jeans and half a dozen shirts, when I moved out I had to leave stuff behind because it wouldn't all fit in my wardrobe... She said shopping was the best way to bond with the women in your life" She shared, it was good advice and she'd never made friends with someone she wouldn't shop with.

"She was the best wingman" He concluded, eyes fixed on the bright, orangey-red star. His wife was right, it was nice to think she was up there watching him. That she wasn't entirely gone, missing out on life and the happiness he had found.

"She was the best mother" Erin replied, looking to her husband, perfectly angled to see his watery eyes, to watch as surface tension and rapid blinking prevented the hot, salty tears from spilling. "You don't need a wingman anymore" She comforted, giving his hand a squeeze as she looked up at the sky again.

"You've become the best mother" Kelly returned, opening his other hand so his palm rested against her stomach. Silence shrouded them again until a cloud blew across and obscured their view of the stars, coinciding with a drop in temperature.

"Thank you" She whispered as he draped his jacket around her shoulders, her shiver rousing him; she had meant to say the words sooner, in response to his compliment but they had been caught up in her thoughts and memories.

"Thank you." He paused for a moment, the cloud thinning enough for the light of the star to shine through. "How's your head?" He questioned, returning to the present, tucking the strands of hair that had come loose over dinner behind her ears.

"Better, the fresh air is helping" She answered as she breathed deeply, rubbing her forehead to ease the headache further. Punishment for drinking to excess at lunchtime in the form of an evening hangover, at least it was a sign the alcohol was on its way out of her system.

"Good" He said as he pushed aside her hand and took over, letting the five fingers of his free hand massage her forehead and scalp, being careful to avoid messing up her hair or pressing on hair pins. She let her head fall back against his shoulder and closed her eyes, breathing deeply as the pain signals dulled. His hand stopped but she didn't open her eyes, even as he twisted her around to face him, completely in control of her body despite the precarious nature of her position, twenty floors straight up, or down. He struggled with the knowledge that she trusted him that much, she just didn't want visual stimuli to bring her headache back but he didn't know that. He stared at her for a moment eyes tracing the curve of her lips, still perfectly tinted by the lipstick then rewarded the her trust and took advantage of it at the same time, mouth closing over hers. Erin let his tongue work its way into her mouth, meeting hers in a familiar dance. Then she opened her eyes as he did when they broke apart, feeling herself being pulled in.

"Kelly, this afternoon… I liked that" She uttered softly.

"Me too" He agreed, blinking before she got too deep.

"Could we…?" She questioned hopefully, afraid he would continue to resist.

"Yeah, just not here. Let's head in, the wind's changed, I think it's going to rain again" He explained, unwilling to tell her that the drop in temperature caused by sacrificing his jacket meant he was starting to shiver.

"Okay" She accepted, letting her hand find his they paused to take one last look at the incredible view. They both saw it, the briefest glimpse of a shooting star falling toward the horizon, below the clouds, view obscured by a building in the distance. A minute passed as their eyes scanned the sky, searching for another though the chances were beyond slim. She felt his body shudder as a gust of wind hit them and realised how selfless he really was, pulling him by the hand to the door, back inside into the bright light and out of the wind. Setting a steady pace they made their way down the stairs together, not speaking as they reached the door and entered their room. Kelly's prediction was correct and again rain splattered the window as he unbuttoned his shirt and shed his shoes, socks and pants. Erin discarded her heels and dress after setting her hair free and brushing her teeth. Deciding while her husband used the bathroom to remove her underwear as well, the bra in particular uncomfortable to her engorged breasts. He turned off all but one of the lights before crawling into bed next to her, somewhat surprised by her nudity as they found a comfortable position facing each other, not too close so they could still see each other completely. "How…?" She began but his finger came to rest on her lips and she stopped.

"Shh" He requested, removing his finger and using it to stroke her cheek as he looked into her eyes. When it didn't happen immediately she started to lose patience, finding it difficult to concentrate on her husband and ignore the rest of the world. Kelly too struggled with maintaining focus, knowing that her naked body was so close clouded his thoughts.

"It's not working" She sighed, looking away after what felt like forever of trying.

"Just relax, it'll happen" He assured as he turned her head back, kissing her lightly while realisation dawned that he had been the only one initiating affection all afternoon. She wanted it but didn't act until he did. He took her hands and placed them against his chest, letting her know that it was okay to touch him. It wouldn't change what they were trying to do, they had been in contact the first time around.

"I love you" She mumbled before clearing her mind, doing everything in her power to find the frequency his brain operated on and tune in. So committed that in no time at all she felt it simmering deep within, the feeling of togetherness flowing as he reached the same point. Their breathing slowed and synchronised along with their blinking as they were enveloped in a bubble that cut them off from the rest of the world. Truly disconnected from everything but each other they worked on maintaining the connection. As with anything new there came a time for experimentation to better understand what was happening. She moved first, trying to keep eye contact as she leaned in and kissed him, the feeling dipped momentarily then swelled when they pulled apart. They continued, one kiss at a time until they could maintain their connection even as their eyes closed and lips connected. It took practice but eventually the need to look at each other at all diminished, Kelly pulling his wife closer as held her mouth to his.

"I love all of you" He murmured, taking a break from kissing to look at her, the way he held her head brushed her hair back from her forehead. The light just right to highlight the faint silver line, the scar left following her car accident. In the past he had held a dislike for the marking but now he realised it was a part of her, pressing his lips to it before tracing it all the way back into her hair with a fingertip.

"Shh" She requested, a tide of memories from that night were slowly wearing down the barrier that she had erected in order to maintain their connection. He complied, kissing her repeatedly until she couldn't think of anything but him. His eyes. His mouth, lips, tongue. His soul, merging with hers in a way that felt magical.

"Stop thinking about sex" He ordered, fighting to maintain control as he fed on her thoughts and feelings.

"Sorry" She blushed, if kissing felt so electrifying in this state she couldn't imagine more.

"You're beautiful" He tested, holding her jaw firmly in his hands so that he could analyse her eyes as she processed the words. It never came, he waited for it, the flicker of doubt, but it never surfaced. She believed him with every fibre of her being. He had to look away, fearful of burning up as his heart swelled with the magnificent feeling that he had achieved something he wanted more than anything in the world. His wife had accepted the compliment, believing his words and everything they held.

"This is us" She explained, guiding his fingers to the necklace she wore. Two interlinked gold hearts forming an infinity symbol. A gift he had given her years ago when she was pregnant with Shay, symbolising exactly what they were feeling now, in that moment. Hearts and minds interlinked by the infinite love they shared. Soon bodies would tangle amongst the web of intangibles to create something real.

**Edited a little bit since yesterday, thanks sandygirl :D**


	158. Chapter 158

**I changed the end of yesterday's chapter a little, nothing major but I feel better about it now. The beginning is M rated... **

It was morning, just like that, all of a sudden, as if they had closed their eyes and opened them a moment later only to find the night had passed without them. Lying in the same position they had been in when they'd fallen asleep; possibly because it was the most comfortable position to exist, his arm extended as her pillow, her leg draped over his. Deciding they had had enough sleep they opened their eyes, they didn't need to exchange a morning greeting, their eyes automatically doing the work, faces forming half smiles as the sighed and yawned and stretched. Erin allowed her husband to stretch his arm, only resuming use of the relaxed muscle pillow when he indicated that it was alright, settling back into the same position. The sun cast light across the city but barely any into their room, the soft light making the linen appear grey not white. They took a moment to analyse one another before she closed her mind and deviated from their harmonious existence. Kelly watched her carefully as she shifted, almost nervously, he could see the change in her eyes but found himself incapable of reading her. She didn't want to be read; she wanted one moment in which the contents of her mind were hers alone. The hand he had on her stomach felt her heart rate quicken as his eyes noted the colour flooding her cheeks, preceding her movement by seconds. "My turn" She informed as she rolled onto him, knees either side of his hips, sitting up slightly so that her bare chest was directly before his face.

"Mmm" He hummed in agreement as she rose onto her knees, hand reaching down between them. Springing to attention in her hand he sighed as she closed her fingers around him, gliding painfully slowly up and down his length until she seemed satisfied by the level of resistance. Releasing him she let him point the way, positioning herself to accommodate him instead of the other way around, holding his eyes as she started to lower herself. "Don't forget the condom" He teased as he pushed up against her, completing the job for her.

"WHAT?!" She demanded loudly, flustered, his hands holding her hips to steady her before she could react physically. His words so far from the realm of expected, especially considering their compromising position and his tactless timing.

"Sorry" He rushed to apologise when he realised she didn't remember, it had been thoughtless to think she would. "That's what you said yesterday… I thought it was cute."

"I was drunk" She informed when she looked back at him, having taken a moment to calm herself.

"Not drunk enough for unsafe sex" He assured with an amused grin.

"This isn't 'unsafe'. I can't… I haven't… It's only been a few months…" She reasoned quickly, slapping his shoulder as she frowned harshly. Wishing she'd remembered his tattoo so she could have actually caused some pain when he grinned smugly in response.

"I don't think we even own any…" He remarked, knowing they would need to buy a box eventually if he was to stand any chance at a normal sex life. Maybe once Ember started sleeping through the night consistently they would have enough free time.

"Can we stop talking about condoms and just have sex?" She urged, tilting her body slightly so that he would be reminded they had actually already started on the latter, at least she had.

"Never thought I'd hear you say that" He dared add.

"Shut up, you're ruining this… we have to go home today…" She complained, placing her fingers firmly over his mouth as she began slowly rocking her hips. He seemed to get the message at that, swirling his tongue over her fingers. She groaned at his childishness, wiping the saliva across his chest as she sped her movements slightly, making sure to alternate between short and long strokes by angling her hips. He took a breast in each hand as an apology, her movements did the work he just kept his hands still and consequently provided support and light kneading. Next he attempted to sit up, core muscles tensing as he aimed his mouth at her breast and hoped, she slammed him back to the bed before he'd gotten more than a glimpse of what was happening below, her hand on his shoulder as she ceased her rhythm to circle her hips instead. Leaning forward she kissed him hungrily, teeth capturing his lower lip, dragging them as she pulled away, releasing the traumatised flesh with a pop.

"Ouch" He complained as he ran his tongue over his lip, burning pain reducing as she followed his tongue with her thumb, across his lip then down to his stubbly jawline. She traced the bone then roughly turned his head to the side, nudging at his ear with her nose before sucking at his neck. Kelly wrapped his arms around her middle, pulling her down against his body before raising his hips and taking control. She shifted to rest her forearms either side of his head, hoping she wasn't smothering him with her breasts as she let her head fall forward, right next to his ear, a short, sharp moan escaping.

"Please" She pleaded, it was nice for a moment but now she wanted to sit back up and take back the reigns. He muttered something that she didn't catch as she reached around behind herself, pulling his hands apart before running her hands along his arms as they loosened. Upright she paused to look at him, reaching out to ruffle his hair, which to that point stuck out at odd angles. He smiled at the gentle touch and returned it by tucking as much hair as he could behind her ear, most of it fell back across her face immediately but it was the gesture that mattered. The time for soft touches passed quickly, both increasing in determination. Erin increased the speed of her movements to the point that was required to fold an arm across her chest, the other remained on his shoulder to steady herself. He fought against her upward movements, thrusting after her to remain inside of her. It conveyed his point but achieved little.

"Er, baby" He murmured as she fought back with rapid circling movements that forced his head back into the pillow, accepting the loss of the battle. Celebrating her victory she rose a little too eagerly, whimpering when he then slipped free. Kelly commiserated with a low groan then saw the opportunity for more, launching himself forward he held her waist and cradled her head, tipping her backward and twisting her around so that her head came to rest on a pillow. He crawled on his knees around her then placed a hand either side of her torso, lowering himself slowly until his mouth found her left breast, drawing his tongue over it instead of sucking like he usually would. Taking his time he moved to the other side and gave it equal attention before trailing kisses down her stomach, she'd writhed then, opening her legs as he turned his head up, resting his chin against her stomach to give her a devilish smile. His hand caught her knee and pulled it upright, touching his lips to the spot of skin just below his thumb. He worked his way upward then, biting, sucking, trailing his tongue and occasionally combining his movements into kisses most of the way up her inner thigh. One hand extended to trail fingernails from between her breasts to her navel, the other held her knee firmly. Only when her sounds grew frequent and desperate did he move to enter her again, teasing her with just how slowly he went about it. She tried to dominate but from her position below him he made it nearly impossible, ensuring that he had ultimate control. She wrapped her legs around his middle as he sank back onto his shins, hands on her hips to keep her with him. He curled over her and began his even tempo of thrusts, mouth perfectly aligned with her breasts. Warm milk flooded his mouth when he accidentally sucked instead of inhaling, nose pressed flat against her supple skin.

"Um?" She questioned, it took her by surprise but if that was what he wanted to do she didn't particularly mind.

"Sorry" He sputtered as he pushed himself up onto his hands. She shook her head to dismiss his apology before grabbing his arm and using it to pull herself up, sliding her hand up to the back of his neck where it remained as she kissed him. Thumb rubbing soft circles over the tiny hairs at the nape of his neck as she encouraged him to lay down with her. They divided their attention, Erin focused on mouths, kissing and nibbling, while Kelly worked with hips, rolling and grinding. It soon reached the point that his actions overshadowed hers, struggling to breathe and moan at the same time kissing was soon forgotten. Arriving at the precipice he let his biological urges take over, thrusting continuously as she tensed beneath, drawing in a gasping breath before cursing and moaning. He gritted his teeth and held off, waiting until she was surfacing to plunge deeper, pelvis grating against sensitized nerves to send her spiralling again. A sense of mastery fell over him immediately before he let himself go, forehead resting against her shoulder as their bodies melted together in fiery passion. He came down from the high long before she did, clinging to him as her body spasmed uncontrollably. Just to see what would happen, and to test his confidence in his newfound talent, he moved rapidly in an attempt to draw a third orgasm from her already overstimulated body. Erin gave a grunt as he succeeded, potentially, it was impossible to determine if he had simply lengthened the climax she was already experiencing. He let her recover then, holding her while rubbing her upper arm slowly to encourage her to breathe deeply, worried that she would burn up if he continued. Thoroughly sated he almost felt guilty for draining her, the smile she wore as she opened her eyes quickly extinguished any doubts he had. She let her hand slide from his neck, holding his cheek before allowing it to drop to his shoulder, resting there for a moment.

"Oh shit!" She cursed suddenly, coincidentally timed with his withdrawal.

"What?!" He demanded, freezing in place, almost exactly halfway he didn't know if he should pull out or thrust back in. Unsure of how to interpret her tone he tried to remain calm as the fear that he was somehow hurting her grew.

"What time was checkout?" She questioned urgently, eyes fixed on her watch.

"Eleven, why?" He supplied as he sighed with relief, falling to the bed beside her as he let his worry dissipate. She was just worried about how long she had to get ready.

"It's eleven thirty…" She informed, if she wasn't staring at her watch she wouldn't believe her own words. The chances that the watch was malfunctioning were slim so she shared her discovery with conviction. He frowned then looked at his own watch.

"Oh" He responded calmly.

* * *

"I'm really sorry" She apologised twenty minutes later, handing over the bag for him to heft into the back of their car.

"Don't be sorry" He scolded, giving her a serious look.

"But the late checkout fee…" She argued, stepping out of the way so he could close the car.

"Was worth it, you're worth it… And it really wasn't that much" He justified, wishing the moment he finished that he had picked one answer or the other, combined they contradicted each other. Before she could point out his error he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in, kissing her repeatedly until he was sure she had forgotten. Letting her go as a group of giggling teenage girls wandered past, whispering loudly amongst themselves that the couple should get a room. They'd had a room.

"I guess we're lucky housekeeping didn't barge in" She noted as he led her to the passenger side door.

"That could have been interesting" He laughed as he opened the car door for her, she was tempted to complain that this was the wrong side of the vehicle but instead she thanked him. He rounded the car and climbed into the driver's seat, a minute later they left the hotel car park, turning out onto the relatively clear road.

"Can't you drive any faster?" She complained as he slowed in anticipation of a red light, stopping when it was orange though he could have made it if he hadn't decelerated.

"Baby five more minutes and you'll have your babies back" He reminded, trying to calm her.

"The longest five minutes of my life at this rate! What if Emmy's forgotten me? What if Shay hates us?" She listed, hands gesturing wildly, sighing dramatically when she finished.

"What if they're perfectly fine and happy to see us?" Kelly countered, placing his hand just above her knee as he looked her in the eye.

"I could handle that" She conceded, slipping her hand into his.

"Well that's what's gonna happen so calm down" He requested as they started to move again. "Why don't you put the radio on?"

"You said five minutes!" She cried out in response.

"Three now" He revised as he waited to turn left across an intersection.

"Ugh…" Erin grumbled, sliding down further in her seat so she had a clear view of the clock on the dash.

"Two" He provided exactly sixty seconds later, eyes scanning the road, checking his speed then flicking to his watch for just long enough to find the seconds hand.

"Hmph…." She sighed, straightening to look out the window as they made two more turns, another corner and they'd be on their street.

"One?" He questioned as he rounded the bend, their house visible in the distance.

"That's Hank's car" She announced, hand flying to the door handle though she knew better than to open it while the car was moving.

"Doesn't mean anything, he's probably just visiting" Kelly comforted quickly, flicking the lock button to slow her escape.

"Antiono's, Alvin's, Jay, Ruzek, Atwater, Powell… What's going on?" She demanded, turning on him as if he wasn't just as surprised as she was to see all the familiar vehicles parked along the street out the front of their house.

"Nothing to do with me I promise" He answered honestly, pulling into the driveway, waiting for the gate to roll open.

"Just let me out" She demanded when the door handle didn't work, still locked.

"Babe" He sighed, giving her a stern look before flicking the button. She was out of the car in seconds, trying not to run as she sped up the front path, stairs and through the unlocked front door. The house was silent.

"MAMA!" Shay shrieked from the top of the stairs, wiping her wet hands on her dress before grabbing the railing and descending at top speed.

"Hey princess, how are you?" Erin asked as she lifted her daughter to her hip, cuddling the toddler to her chest and peppering kisses across her hair and face.

"Gooding" Shay answered as she cuddled back.

"What's going on?" Erin enquired after taking a moment to enjoy the warmth of Shay's hugs.

"Umm… party" Shay explained as she pointed towards the back of the house.

"A party? Where?" She questioned, holding eye contact with the toddler until she smiled.

"Sandpit" Shay giggled, knowing it was a silly answer.

"Outside" She accepted.

"Yeah" The toddler nodded, pointing excitedly and bouncing as best she could while being held. Erin took three steps before stopping, eyes immediately noticing something new in the lounge room. The one large picture of baby Shay had been moved to the left, making room for a canvas of their family portrait to take center stage. That wasn't the image that drew her eyes though, a photograph of Ember to the right, one that she had never seen before.

"Oh, wow" She gasped as she stepped into the room to look at it more closely. Ember, no more than a few weeks old at the time, asleep atop her father's boots and turnout gear.

"I putted them there Mama, wif Chasey helpin'" Shay explained as she followed her mother's gaze to the pictures.

"Emmy didn't fit in Daddy's helmet" Erin sighed as she looked at the two photographs, the firefighting theme strong but not taking away from their adorable sleeping babies.

"Do you like it?" Kelly questioned from behind his wife, stepping into the room once he'd dropped their bags in the entryway.

"I love it, I can't believe you did it again! You need to stop taking sneaky photos of our babies and hiding them from me, it's incredible. Thank you" She gushed, she started out handing over Shay but then ended up in his arms as well, careful not to crush the toddler in their hug.

"They're the present that was too big to bring" He explained, pressing a kiss to her forehead, she looked like she was about to cry.

"Shay?" Nadia called from the dining room, trying to track down the tot who couldn't possibly take that long on the toilet.

"We're in here" Erin called back, kissing her husband quickly before stepping back, moving to stand beside him to admire the photographs.

"Oh! You're here at last! We thought you might have gotten… lost…" Nadia trailed off, suspecting she knew exactly what they had been doing.

"What's going on?" Erin enquired before the young woman could picture anything too graphic.

"Come on, we're having a barbeque" Nadia explained as she led the way.

"We don't own a barbeque…" Kelly whispered to his wife as they passed through the dining room into the kitchen, able to see a few of the car owners through the window.

"They're here!" Nadia announced gleefully as she held the door open for them. The small crowd cheered and clapped as the couple stepped out onto their small back deck, a well-proportioned barbeque standing at the far end, tended by Hank Voight, while the rest of the intelligence unit stood around, most with beer in hand.

**As great as all the Linseride time has been I miss everyone, hence the surprise barbeque! Hope this was a fitting end to their anniversary getaway :D **

**UKgirl71 – Glad to hear you're enjoying it, thanks for the review. **


	159. Chapter 159

**My computer decided not to save this so I had to rewrite it all… Okay it was my own fault for not plugging it in to charge but it also said it had 10% battery when it died :( Sorry for the delay. **

For a few moments Erin allowed herself to get carried away greeting friends she hadn't seen since Nadia's graduation. Hugging Antonio and Alvin, waving to Hayden and Kevin, playing with little Ruby in the sandpit, and calling greetings to Jay and Adam sitting on the bottom step talking baseball and drinking beer, Kim sat with them, not drinking or participating in their conversation. "So what is this?" She couldn't help but enquire as she approached Hank, as their boss and her father he was in the best position to answer her inquiry.

"An excuse to drink" Adam contributed, toasting his own comment before emptying his beer, eyeing Kim in a way that made Erin suspicious there was something going on between the pair.

"A barbeque, what does it look like?" Hank demanded grumpily.

"But we don't own a barbeque" She countered, using her husband's words and matching her father's unimpressed expression.

"It's your anniversary" Kim supplied with as much enthusiasm as she could muster, which in that moment wasn't very much at all.

"They just turned up with it …" Nadia supplied with a shrug, no provisions had been left for that scenario. Getting the barbeque through the house had been thoroughly entertaining, the men replacing expletives with the word 'bother' at her request. For almost an hour it had sounded like a very odd episode of Winnie the Pooh. Shay had enjoyed 'helping' and all Nadia needed to do was occasionally step in to stop her getting trampled. Only once the barbeque was erected on the back deck did they locate the side gate. They grumbled over beer as they sat back and waited, watching the clock as lunchtime neared, having worked up an appetite Hank let his impatience get the better of him.

"It's an anniversary present" Hank expanded, closer to a smile but still not quite there.

"Oh, well thank you" Erin nodded as she avoided the tongs in his hand and leaned in for a hug. He held her to his chest for a second then turned away to check the meat, keeping his arm around her waist and smiling at last.

"It's the first weekend of summer. I thought since Severide is sticking around I could teach him to grill… That way we can have Sunday dinners out here for the next few months, I'll get you a proper table… The girls can play outside while the weather's good" He explained just for her, Erin scoffed a little at his second sentence, they'd been married for a year but together for three, but was touched by his thoughtfulness.

"Just like we used to…" She sighed, their summer evening family barbeques had been some of the best nights in her life at a time when she really didn't have any memories that could compete.

"Yeah, I was thinking why not carry on the tradition, you loved it when you were a kid" He nodded, enjoying the moment of shared reflection.

"So you bought us a barbeque" Erin concluded, shaking her head in disbelief, how had she been so lucky? Finding the only cop in Chicago who didn't want her to rot in a cell, eventually earning a place in his family, his heart and then his unit.

"And I had to test it out, make sure we set it up right" Hank resolved as he released her and turned his attention back to the job at hand.

"Thank you" She replied, genuinely grateful for the barbeque but thinking more or everything he had done for her over the years, all the opportunities he had given her. The look in his eyes told her he understood. "But I just have one question" She added, the heavy emotions getting to her.

"Yeah?" He accepted.

"Why can't you teach me?" She challenged.

"I thought…If you want…" He stumbled, it definitely wasn't the question he had been expecting. And now that she asked he had no real answer, because it had always been the man's job wasn't going to go over well with her, not when she had worked so hard to succeed in a male dominated workforce, overcoming stereotypes and boundaries at every turn. Just when he was about to open his mouth to try to explain tactfully she smiled, laughing a little as she left his side.

"Babe, my dad's gonna teach you how to use that thing" She informed her husband, smiling at the way Shay had cuddled against his chest gripping his shirt with both hands to show just how much she had missed her father.

"Cool, thanks Hank" Kelly nodded, getting the impression that his father-in-law was finally coming to terms with the fact he wasn't going anywhere.

"Get over here, not with the kid though that's rule number one isn't it Shay?" Hank requested, harshly at first then softening his voice and expression as he spoke to the toddler.

"I no go near the brarbrecrew…" Shay repeated, stumbling over the very difficult new work.

"Good girl. You want to stay here with me?" Erin questioned, holding out her hands to take Shay, hopeful the toddler was in a cuddly mood.

"No Mama, I sandpit Uncy Adam hey Unc' 'Tonio" Shay requested, wriggling from her father's hold to approach her uncle, standing on his foot as she tried to climb onto his lap.

"Yeah, let's bury Uncle Adam in the sandpit!" Antonio cheered, lifting the toddler into the air as he stood up. They rushed off down the stairs together, first chasing Adam then arresting him and dragging him over to the sandpit, careful not to knock over Ruby's sandcastle as they sat him down and started burying him. Adam wriggled to make it more difficult for them, promising to sit still if they fetched his beer. Shay called out to her Uncle JayJay and soon they had a much more cooperative prisoner, happy to sit and sip as they piled sand higher and higher. Erin watched and laughed as the men turned on Shay, deciding it was her turn to be covered in sand, Antonio careful to tuck the dress around her so she wouldn't end up with sand everywhere.

"Chase and Em upstairs?" She asked as Nadia came to stand next to her, leaning on the railing.

"Yeah" Nadia nodded, yawning at the thought of the infant alone.

"Nope" Chase corrected from the doorway, grinning as Erin rushed towards him.

"Oh hello baby, hi bubba. Aw, you've grown haven't you Em? You're so big Emmy-bear. Look at her" Erin requested as she took her baby, fingers no longer touching as she held Ember under the arms, holding her to her chest to turn her around for Kelly to look at.

"Looks about the same size to me" He supplied apologetically from next to Hank at the barbeque, if he wasn't annoyed that he still hadn't been allowed to do anything more than watch he would likely have been more supportive.

"Has she been eating? Sorry! Hi Chase" She rushed to greet, replicating the way he had been holding Ember, with an arm extending across her chest and down between her legs, so she could give him a one armed hug.

"Hi, yes she's been eating well" He assured, laughing softly at how excited she had been to have Ember back, he would be happy to never have to look after the infant again. He liked being able to sleep undisturbed for eight hours, or more, and he could definitely do without the smell of baby vomit or dirty diapers.

"She looks hungry" Erin frowned as Ember turned her head as far as she could, tongue working rapidly as she scrunched her hands and drooled everywhere.

"She's not long finished a bottle, then I changed her or I would have come straight down when I heard you pull up. Nice weekend?" Chase questioned as he caught Ember's hand, holding it and stroking her cheek, trying to distract her from the breast she certainly didn't need.

"Yeah, it was great. How was yours?" She asked, trying to sound interested as she readjusted her hold on the baby. As soon as Ember was facing her mother she was grasping for her shirt, pulling herself in before pressing her face against the exposed skin of her chest, sucking and salivating as she searched. "I'm gonna feed her" Erin told herself, taking Antonio's empty seat as she started to unbutton her shirt.

"Not too bad, tricky and I have no idea how you do it by yourself but once we figured out the teamwork and the communication it worked well" Chase shared as he moved to stand next to Nadia, the look on her face suggested they had more to figure out. Chase gave his girlfriend an apologetic smile as he decided to let Erin have a moment with Ember, who she had clearly missed a lot.

"Do you want me to hold her for you?" Alvin offered as he watched the young mother struggling to get her arm out of her singlet and hold the baby at the same time. She hadn't even stopped to think about the baby as she'd tossed clothes on, wishing she was wearing something that allowed easy access to her breast.

"Thanks" Erin nodded as she accepted his offer, handing over the baby. She got her arm out exposing her nursing bra before pulling her over shirt back on, the black button down actually her husband's shirt from dinner the night before, she wasn't dressed for a barbeque with family either.

"Oh bub" She sighed, taking back the baby and positioning her at her breast. Ember grasped the fabric of the shirt in one hand, placing the other flat on the side of her mother's breast, snuffling and grunting until she latched. "Thank you both, you've done a wonderful job" Erin remembered to tell the two young adults a few moments later, feeling she was interrupting something when she saw their faces. Something had definitely happened between the pair but now didn't seem like the right time to ask, she'd just have to watch and see if she could figure it out.

"Chicken's five minutes off" Hank called, forcing Erin to look away from the couple, realising how hungry she was as she appreciated the smell of the chicken for the first time.

"Do we have a salad or bread rolls or something?" She enquired, as much as she would love to eat a meal entirely comprising Hank's incredible marinated chicken she knew it wasn't likely.

"I made a salad… though I underestimated how hard it is to cut cucumber, and red peppers! Those seeds go everywhere. I tried to call Katie but she's at work so I googled it and that didn't help much…" Nadia shrugged, having celebrated the small victory that she hadn't cut herself instead of looking at the rather disastrous salad.

"Nadia I'm sure you did your best…" Erin assured with a smile, talking about more than just the salad.

"Two minutes" Hank revised.

"I'll…" Erin started as she moved to get up, well used to moving around while feeding Ember though she would prefer to do so with the sling.

"Don't get up, I'll do it" Nadia announced hurriedly.

"Just stack up the plates… Hank have you got a plate for the chicken?" She asked.

"Yep" He nodded, holding up the serving plate.

"Plates at this end, Hank will send in the chicken to put next to them and then salad, condiments and cutlery… Where are we eating?" She asked as she finished explaining to Nadia.

"Out here" Hank grumbled, again feeling like he was stating the obvious.

"I can get the picnic blanket" Chase suggested, two chairs and a tiny table was hardly going to work, the adults would be fine to sit on the stairs but Shay certainly wouldn't be able to eat independently like that.

"Plastic plates then Nadia, for that lot anyway" She reviewed as she gestured to the very crowded sandpit. "Thanks Chase."

"Anything I can do to help?" Kim questioned as she reached the top of the stairs.

"Drinks?" Erin offered, continuing when she received a nod. "There's a bottle of juice in the bottom of the cupboard, plastic cups… If you put it in a jug and add ice it won't matter that it wasn't in the fridge."

"Sure" Kim nodded, following Nadia and Chase through the back door.

"Thanks guys" She called after them. "I feel lazy but you're the lazy one, did you forget how this works bub, you gotta suck a bit harder than that" Erin encouraged, speaking to Ember though everyone on the deck could hear her.

"She okay?" Kelly questioned as Ember started to cry, her mother cradling her head as she pulled her away to get her to latch properly.

"Yeah, just frustrating herself because she's not sucking hard enough to get anything" She explained as she tried to stuff more of her breast into Ember's mouth, ranting in her head about how stupid bottles were.

"She'll remember…" Kelly comforted as Ember started to cry again.

"Mama!" Shay screeched as she rushed up the stairs.

"What's wrong Shay?" Erin asked as she took in the frown on her daughter's face.

"Why my baby cryin'?" Shay demanded, using the arm of the chair to try to pull herself up, there wasn't enough room on her mother's lap so she settled standing on tiptoes, stretching up with her hands on her mother's knees.

"She's alright Shay, just hungry" Erin explained gently.

"I bottle her?" Shay offered, little hands getting in the way as her mother tried to settle Ember by rubbing her back.

"No she doesn't need a bottle, I'm home now" She reasoned.

"I good bottler but" Shay argued, looking around for Chase or Nadia, they would validate her claim.

"Thank you but she'll be okay. Do you want to go in and wash your hands? It's almost lunch time" She encouraged, reaching across to brush Shay's hair out of her eyes.

"What lunch?" Shay questioned, the answer would determine her levels of compliance.

"Grandpa Hank's chicken and yummy salad" She supplied, exaggerating her excitement to motivate the toddler.

"I want PB-'tella triangles" Shay declared balling her hands into fists then thinking better and crossing her arms instead.

"Go wash your hands please, then we'll figure out lunch" Erin negotiated, letting Shay think there was hope of peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches if she washed her hands.

"He let me turn the chicken" Kelly whispered with sarcastic enthusiasm as he bent to kiss his wife's cheek on the way past, glad to see Ember had settled, even if it was obvious she was just sucking for comfort.

"Don't drop it" Hank barked as he twisted dials to turn off the barbeque.

"Go!" Erin encouraged, watching the plate, piled high with chicken cooked to perfection, wobble in his hand as he straightened. Kelly gave her a panicked look then rushed into the kitchen, the sooner the food was on the bench the sooner responsibility shifted away from him if anything were to happen.

"Everything ready?" Hank questioned, draining the last of his beer as he entered the kitchen, not surprised by the chaos before him. He waited a minute then decided they were set up enough, turning in the doorframe before calling loud enough for everyone to hear. "Foods up!"

"Make sure you wash your hands" Erin ordered as Kevin, Adam, Antonio and Jay came running up the stairs.

"Yes Mum!" Adam mocked, rolling his eyes as he stepped inside.

"Do you want me to make you a plate?" Kelly offered once he had fought his way through the crowd to get to the doorway.

"Nah, I'll be there in a minute" She answered, unable to thank him for thinking of her as he was bustled around in the small, crowded space. "Come on Em" She encouraged, squeezing her breast to stimulate a steady flow of milk for the baby. Ember's eye's widened as she finally got what she was after, two little hands with very sharp little finger nails kneading as she finally built enough suction to feed for herself.

"Hey" Hayden greeted as he made it to the top of the stairs at last, holding Ruby's hands and taking half steps behind her as she practiced walking.

"Hey, hi Ruby" Erin smiled, waving at the cute redheaded toddler.

"'llo" Ruby replied before raising her arms to be lifted by her father.

"Figured I'd wait" Hayden explained as he pointed to the kitchen, through the window he could see Adam eating before he even reached the salad, bored waiting in line while Kevin served himself salad slowly, avoiding the red pepper.

"Seems like a good idea" Erin agreed, even though she couldn't see inside from where she sat.

"Mum, can you hold this?" Chase requested urgently, placing his plate on her knee and dashing down the stairs before she could reply.

"Sure" She mumbled to herself as Hayden laughed. "So how have you been? Where's Sam?" She enquired, not sure she had ever seen him with Ruby unless his wife was around.

"Spa day with the girls. We're good aren't we Rube" He answered, looking to his daughter for a response, nodding to encourage her.

"Yep" Ruby provided with a nod and a smile.

"She's getting so much bigger" She commented, trying to work out how old Ruby was, somewhere around the one and half mark.

"I know, feels like yesterday she was that big" He replied, pointing to Ember.

"Baby" Ruby informed as she imitated her father and pointed.

"Yeah, Emmy's a baby" Erin nodded.

"Thanks" Chase interrupted as he took his plate back, not planning on stopping he turned on his heels, destined for the picnic blanket spread in the shade provided by the garden shed.

"Chase, did you see Shay?" She called after him.

"Yeah, Kelly's getting her food" Chase answered quickly, waiting for some indication that he was dismissed.

"This food?" She asked, hoping her husband hadn't caved to their daughter's demands and made her sandwiches.

"Yeah" He nodded.

"I'd better go" Hayden smiled as Kevin, Jay and Antonio filed out the kitchen door.

"Sure, thanks for coming, see you later Ruby."

"Bye-bye-bye" The toddler sang as she waved over her father's shoulder, eyes fixed on the baby rather than the origin of the voice.

"Chase, come back here" She called as he took the first step, trying to leave while she was distracted.

"What's up?" He questioned, narrowly avoiding Adam, with his arm around Kim's shoulder, as he moved to take the seat next to her.

"Good question, is everything okay?" She returned, narrowing her eyes as she tried to read his body language.

"Yeah?" He shrugged, not sure if she was referring to anything in particular.

"Nadia didn't look happy… I don't want to pry or get involved or anything I just feel responsible, looking after the girls can be stressful and people say things they don't mean when they're stressed" She explained cautiously.

"Mum it's all good, not your fault, it's mine, I'll sort it though. It's no big deal" He assured, now acutely aware of what she was talking about. He had totally screwed up with his girlfriend, all she had done was ask if there was anything in particular he wanted for his birthday.

"Alright" She accepted, seeing the apology in his eyes. "You don't have to hang around, you could take her somewhere and talk after you eat" She encouraged.

"I don't think she wants to talk to me right now. We're having a lunch date tomorrow though" He informed, they often scheduled to meet up for lunch but often work got in the way.

"Shay, what have you got there?" Erin questioned as the toddler barged through the door. "Slowdown" She added when the toddler continued toward the stairs at the same rapid pace, Chase forgotten as she tried to prevent an accident.

"No!" Shay screamed in response, taking two stairs at once and almost losing her balance, the plastic plate tipping dangerously in her hands.

"I've got it" Chase assured, patting her knee as he launched himself out of the chair, careful with his own plate as he caught up with the toddler. "Shay, princesses don't carry their own food down the stairs, I'll help you" He reasoned as he took her plate, placing it along his arm like a waiter so he could give her a hand as well.

"Daddy saided goodly sittin' eatin' or no icy" Shay explained quickly, desperate to get her hands on one of the fruit juice ice blocks in their freezer.

"Okay, come on, we'll sit together" Chase smiled, leading her across to the already crowded picnic blanket, Adam, Kim and Jay moving to sit on the edge of the sandpit so there was more room.

"Have fun" Erin yelled after them, Ember emitted a soft cry in response, protesting the sudden loud noise. "Sorry bubba, you're a sleepy girl aren't you?" She questioned in a whisper as Ember returned to sucking, having drifted off previously it didn't take long for her to return to sleep. Erin left her singlet half off and only did up her bra and buttons before getting up to take Ember upstairs to get some undisturbed sleep, ushering those remaining in the kitchen outside on her way through. She took her time to settle Ember and turn on the baby monitor then changed into different jeans and one of her own shirts, stopping by the bathroom before making her way downstairs. The kitchen was empty but it was clear they had over catered for the occasion, happily leaving food for those hungry enough to want seconds. Or those who had fallen in love with Hank's chicken the way she had, unable to help herself pulling off a piece and popping it in her mouth before serving some salad. She paused to take a sneaky photo from the deck then joined everyone. Antonio and Jay had carried the chairs and table down the stairs, the chairs for Hank and Alvin, and the table perfect for the jug of juice and stack of plastic cups.

"Is everyone here now?" Adam questioned as Erin found a place on the edge of the sandpit next to her husband.

"Not another one of your jokes" Antonio complained loudly.

"No actually something serious…" Adam defended.

"As if" Alvin snorted, knowing his young partner well enough to know he wasn't capable of seriousness.

"Shut up Al. Now I don't want to be rude or anything, because today is about you guys and your anniversary and really awesome food but I just thought it was a good opportunity, while we're all together, to announce that Kim and I are engaged" Adam informed, holding eye contact with Kim who gave her first genuine smile of the day.

"Third time lucky" Kevin informed, having been dragged in to two, increasingly elaborate proposal attempts previously.

"Congratulations" Erin started, joined quickly by everyone else in celebrating the big milestone for the couple. They returned to eating not long later and playing a little while after that. The biggest drama of the afternoon was Shay dropping her ice block in the sandpit, continuing to sob even after she'd finished her mother, father and grandpa's frozen treats and gotten a new one to herself. Her upset ended peacefully when she fell asleep waiting for Chase to give her his ice block as well, taken upstairs to nap by her father. Hayden left with Ruby sleeping against his shoulder soon after, giving them an hour kid free. Russ arrived during that time, finishing the last of the barbeque chicken as he caught up on what his former students had been doing over the years. Ember's cries called Erin upstairs, bringing the baby back down and sitting in the same seat to feed her while people rotated through to keep her company.

"Time for some sophisticated conversation?" Kim questioned as she shoved her fiancé aside and sat down next to Erin.

"Sure" Erin agreed enthusiastically, tucking the burp cloth into the front of Ember's shirt as she sat her up to burp her.

"So… Did you see yesterday's episode of 'The Bachelor'?" Kim enquired jokingly.

"Now that is some sophisticated television" She replied, straight-faced. "Tell me how Adam proposed, must have been good" She requested, knowing Kim wouldn't get much interest on the topic from any of their colleagues.

"It was just in my kitchen actually" Kim shrugged.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, we had dinner, talked, then he asked, didn't even have the ring on him but I'd seen it before… I just decided now's the time" Kim explained, extending her hand so that Erin could see the diamond ring.

"If he makes you happy" Erin agreed simply, knowing Kim would hear enough squealing from her flight attendant friends.

"He loves me, I love him. It's pretty simple really."

"You've been together for a few years now and he's asked before…" She started stopping when she realised she didn't know what she was saying, she certainly wasn't asking for justification though that was exactly what it sounded like.

"I didn't want to become Wendy" Kim supplied flatly, it was clearly something she had come to terms with.

"Hm, didn't consider that" Erin acknowledged, glad she didn't have to deal with that kind of complication.

"He never meant for anyone to get hurt and she didn't like what he does but I still felt bad about it, for longer than I should have. And now I just want to stop wasting time and start living my 'happily ever after' instead of worrying about everyone else… It's my turn" Kim announced passionately.

"Mmm, sounds like the right attitude for wedding planning" She teased, expecting their conversation to turn in to one about wedding planning. Instead Kim remained silent, ignoring the teasing as Ember's kicking foot caught her attention.

"Can I…. could I hold her?" Kim questioned as she continued to stare at the baby.

"Of course" Erin nodded, handing Ember over without a second thought, it was rare she was asked permission. For example Shay was currently sitting on Kevin's shoulders, observing from high above while she slowly woke up from her nap. "We really should talk more."

"Yeah" Kim agreed distractedly, anxious about dropping the baby as Ember squirmed and kicked.

"Why don't we?"

"What do you mean? You're busy, I'm busy…" Kim answered, she didn't have to think to answer that.

"But still, we should get together sometime, without this lot" She suggested.

"I'd actually love to be able to talk to you about some stuff" Kim said softly, sniffing and blinking rapidly, keeping her head down as she focused on the happy baby. Erin wasn't sure what 'stuff' she was referring to but she definitely wanted to, even if they had never been close it made sense to stick together since they both knew what it was like to be the only woman in intelligence.

"When are you free typically?" Erin enquired, just because she had made the suggestion didn't mean it would be viable. So curious about 'stuff' that she was willing to reschedule if she had to.

"Saturday mornings?"

"I can do a Saturday morning" She confirmed with a nod.

"This Saturday, nine-thirty for brunch" Kim put forward.

"Uh… yeah I can do that" She accepted, hesitating because Saturday was Chase's birthday and she still hadn't decided what they were doing.

"Awesome" Kim replied, it almost sounded as if she were thanking Erin.

"Do you mind holding her while I got to the bathroom real quick?" She asked, hoping to use her thankfulness to her advantage.

"Oh, um… what if she cries?"

"I'll be two minutes."

"Okay" Kim accepted

"Just in case she spits up" Erin explained as she handed over the burp cloth, making sure Kim took the folded corner instead of the damp patch. With one last look over her shoulder she headed inside, confident Ember would be fine. She almost fell up the stairs as realisation hit her, quickly running though evidence before coming to the conclusion that Kim was pregnant. She hadn't had a beer though she usually had no trouble keeping up with the guys, she had accepted Adam's proposal after years of turning him down and she had asked to hold Ember, getting emotional when she did. It made so much sense that Erin couldn't believe she hadn't seen it sooner. Shaking her head she continued up the stairs, deciding not to mention or suggest anything until Saturday, when she was going to miss some of Chase's birthday to find out, wondering if she could act surprised.

It was hard to hold eye contact with Kim after that, struggling not to smile on the few times she couldn't avoid it. Their lunch barbeque became a dinner barbeque with a very interesting trip to the shops between, Hank and Antonio arguing about meat while Erin and Jay had a chance to talk while gathering the makings for sides, potato salad and assorted vegetables for roasting. The last time they had done a lunch and dinner like this was their engagement party/Shay's first birthday party. It was a lot of fun though and they all decided that they should do it more often, Erin agreeing even though she knew that meant they would be hosting. The girls were both in bed asleep long before anyone even suggested going home, then it turned out Kelly and Chase had to leave for work anyway.

**A Burzek baby?! How do you feel about me including them a little more? **

**A Chase/Nadia fight?! They need a couple name… Suggestions? Do you like them? What do you want to see happen between them?**


	160. Chapter 160

"Mama? Was you Dada goed date?" Shay asked as she slapped her mother's cheek for the third time. Only a desperate desire for more sleep allowed Erin to ignore the behaviour, and the questions. Shay had skipped good morning and gone straight to questioning, the mark of a long day. Erin seriously wished they had spent more of their anniversary weekend sleeping, because now that she was home she had Ember waking her up every three hours to check that she was still there and Shay slapping her when she tried to sleep.

"Mmm" Erin groaned as she pulled the covers up over her face.

"Mama? What is date?" Shay posed as she wormed her way in under from her father's side of the bed.

"Shh, let's snuggle" She whispered, wrapping an arm around the toddler and pulling her close, holding her tightly so she couldn't escape.

"But Mama" Shay whined, taking a handful of her mother's hair and using it to pull herself up enough that she could tap her mother's cheek.

"Shh" Erin requested as she rolled over.

"What 'bout 'oga?" Shay questioned, flopping over to lay across her mother's back.

"Yoga" She grumbled, sliding out from under Shay, only just catching herself on her feet as she emerged from the bed.

"You growlin' Mama" Shay complained, launching out from under the covers to stand up and bounce on the bed.

"Mama's a growly bear this morning, be good for me?" She asked hopefully, muffling a yawn with the back of her hand as she read the clock. Ember had only been asleep for two and a half hours so she wasn't likely to wake up for another thirty minutes, time enough to start getting ready for yoga.

"I goodliest ever" Shay announced, struggling to comprehend that there had been any doubt.

"Mmm" Erin nodded sceptically. "Shower?"

"Umkay" Shay accepted dropping from the bed to the floor with a thud before following her mother to the shower.

"We've got to be quick though, Emmy will be awake soon" She explained, turning on the water so it had time to heat up.

"I want Dada 'poo!" Shay enthused as she rubbed her head as she would to help wash it.

"You want Daddy's **sham**poo" She corrected, enunciating carefully so that the toddler wouldn't make the mistake again.

"Pleases" The toddler nodded.

"Get your 'jamies off" She instructed as she pulled off her own clothes. She had found herself putting her husband's business shirt back on, missing him already, along with her own grey and pink cow spotted three quarter flannel bottoms.

"I go first!" Shay shrieked when her mother opened the shower door to add some cold water to the stream of pure hot. Almost tripping as she hurried to get her pyjamas off in time to be the first one into the lovely warm waterfall.

"I need to check that it's not too hot, I don't want you getting burned" Erin justified as she stepped into the shower.

"Chasey saided but…" Shay argued, cut off suddenly when her mother picked her up.

"Up we go" She said lightly as she grabbed the toddler around the waist, standing up under the water as she closed the glass door with her free hand.

"MAMA!" Shay screamed as the water started to hit her back.

"Shh" Erin requested, turning so the water coursed down Shay's leg instead.

"I down" Shay ordered, jabbing her finger at the tiled floor.

"Okay but you need to get your hair wet if you want Daddy's shampoo" She reasoned as she set the toddler down.

"Move Mama you takin' up all the waters!" Shay complained instantly, pushing at her mother's knees so she could stand under the water to wet her hair, apparently she required the shower head to be directed at her solely for that to work.

"Shay, stop whining, I'm bigger than you I need more water" She argued, remaining where she was but directing the water dribbling from her elbow to the top of Shay's head.

"I shower by-self Mama, I big girl" Shay requested, attempting to push her mother towards the door.

"Alright here comes the shampoo" Erin informed as she turned her hand over above the toddler's head, using one hand to massage it carelessly into Shay's hair.

"NO!" Shay screamed, hitting at her mother's hand, convinced it was being done wrong.

"Chin up or it'll get in your eyes" She warned, continuing regardless of the toddler's protests.

"I do it" Shay demanded, raising both her hands to rub the suds around in her hair.

"Okay, make sure you get all your hair" Erin accepted, realising she could wash her own hair if Shay was happy doing hers. And for half a minute it worked perfectly, Shay massaging the shampoo around her head while her mother worked shampoo into her own half damp hair. Then Shay got distracted.

"Mama, what that?"

"What?" Erin questioned, looking down in an attempt to follow Shay's eyes to the subject of her enquiry.

"That" Shay repeated as she jabbed her finger into the purple-grey mark just above her mother's knee.

"Ow, it's a bruise" She explained, hoping that was the end of it.

"Why?" It wasn't the end, it was just the beginning.

"Shay, Daddy's shampoo" Erin encouraged hardly rinsing the toddler's hair before pouring more of the thick silvery fluid onto her head.

"But why Mama? Why you booze?" Shay pressed, smiling as her fingers became coated in dense foam again, wriggling her fingers in an attempt to imitate her mother.

"Bruise" She corrected sharply.

"You gots 'nother bruise" Shay informed, leaving a white soap print as she reached for her mother's hip and jabbed a bruise there too.

"I know, wash your hair please Shay."

"But hooooow Mama?" Shay asked, dragging out the 'o' sound until she made a similar noise to a wolf howling.

"Oh crap" Erin gasped as she looked down at the toddler only for the soapy water to run straight into her eye.

"What crap?" Shay questioned immediately, of course she had no trouble pronouncing that word.

"No Shay, don't say that, Mama got shampoo in her eyes 'cause you made her look down" She muttered, mostly keeping her voice low enough that the toddler couldn't hear her complaint.

"Silly Mama" Shay sighed, sending foam flying as she shook her head.

"Yeah, silly Mama, time to rinse."

"But how you them bruise Mama?" Shay persisted as she was lifted up, tilting her head back as her mother ran a hand through her hair to rinse it thoroughly.

"I bumped into a table" She lied, it was an answer and the toddler oughtn't have too much of an opinion on the matter, expecting another 'Silly Mama' in response.

"On you date?" Shay questioned instead.

"Yeah, on our date" She nodded, going along with it just to keep the toddler happy.

"What is date?"

"A date is just a dinner or something where you spend time with someone you love, like my weekend with Daddy" She explained, thankful she wasn't being slapped this time around.

"You love Daddy?!" The toddler asked incredulously.

"Yes, I love Daddy very much" Erin assured, giving the toddler a serious look.

"Why?" Shay asked, equally seriously.

"That's enough questions for now little lady, Mama's gonna finish washing her hair, you want the soap?" She asked, offering the white block of soap to the toddler.

"Bubbles!" Shay commanded, refusing the block of soap and instead pointing to the bottle of body wash.

"We don't have time for that Shay."

"I want bubbles" The toddler whined, threatening tears if she didn't get her own way.

"Okay, hold your hand out" She conceded, popping the lid and tipping some of the body wash onto Shay's small hand.

"That no bubbles" Shay complained, used to her mother lathering the goo on a washcloth before spreading it over her body.

"Rub your hands together, rub, rub, rub" Erin encouraged as she first demonstrated then got distracted rinsing her own hair.

"Why?" Shay demanded as her mother rubbed the left over conditioner on her hands into Shay's hair.

"Because that's how you make bubbles" She reasoned, noting the toddler was getting the hang of it as she reached for the block of soap.

"Mama, what comes after hundred-fifty-seventy-teen-two?" Shay posed, as if that were a perfectly reasonable question to ask in the shower.

"I don't know" She shrugged in response, deciding that was easier than trying to teach the toddler that numbers didn't work like that.

"You don't know?!" Shay gasped in disbelief.

"I don't know," She repeated, "save that one for Daddy."

"But Mama you knows Wednesday…"

"Shay, shh!" Erin requested as she steered the toddler in under the water, rinsing out the conditioner and washing away her soapy coating at the same time.

"I has more bubbles please" Shay asked politely.

"Nope, it's time to get out" She explained, making sure she was entirely rinsed herself before turning off the water.

"Oh no!" Shay moaned as she was lifted up so that only one pair of wet feet ended up on the bath mat.

"What?" Erin questioned in response.

"I no no towels" The toddler informed dramatically.

"You can use Daddy's" She assured, unhooking both towels and moving to wrap one around Shay.

"Really?"

"Mhmm" She confirmed as she set the toddler down, the towel seemed huge around her shoulders. "Come on, Emmy's crying."

"Why?" Shay demanded as she lifted the towel with her arms outstretched so she didn't trip over it as she walked, in awe of her mother's coordination, already mostly dry with the towel wrapped and tucked around her torso.

"Because she's hungry and her diaper's probably wet" She explained.

"Yuck" Shay announced in response, she liked helping with bottles, but she definitely didn't like helping with dirty diapers.

"Would you like to choose what you wear to yoga or would you like to brush your teeth?" Erin offered, remembering reading something about toddlers cooperating better if they were given options instead of instructions.

"I no breakfast!" Shay reminded, barring her teeth in a cross between a growl and a grin.

"Right, choose your clothes or…help me with Emmy" She revised quickly.

"I clothes please… I helpin' Emmy lots when you date" Shay explained as she marched towards the door.

"Okay, no dresses, no wings, no gloves, no pyjamas…" Erin listed quickly.

"Mama, I big girl" Shay reasoned, turning to scowl at her mother before disappearing down the hallway.

"Good morning Ember, how did you sleep baby? I'm so glad you can't talk yet…" Erin cooed as she lifted the baby, almost losing her towel in the process. Just undoing the tabs of the diaper when Shay's voice echoed down the hall.

"MAMA!"

"WHAT?" She shouted in reply.

"Is these dresses?" Shay enquired in the same method.

"Yes!" Erin answered though she couldn't see the items of clothing in question, operating on an 'if in doubt' strategy. She changed and dressed Ember, encouraging her to suck on her own hand as she placed her on the bed while she got dressed. Black yoga pants with a fold down waistband and a sporty looking nursing t-shirt she hadn't worn in a few weeks. She pulled her hair into a high ponytail and slipped on a pair of socks before turning to see Ember right at the edge of the bed. "Em! Did you roll over? Are you a rolly girl?" She questioned as she scooped the baby up, overcoming the momentary fear as she cuddled the smiling baby to her chest. It would be inconvenient not to be able to leave her on the bed and she needed to remember to use the safety belt on the change table as well, it was good to see that Ember was growing and developing though.

"Mama, I dressed" Shay smiled as she walked into the room, well aware that she was only supposed to lay out her choices and await approval.

"Good job" She congratulated, winking at the toddler before taking her hand and leading her toward the stairs. They discussed what they were having for breakfast as they descended, Erin quick to organise Shay's bowl of yoghurt and chopped banana before making toast for herself, too lazy to add more than a smear of peanut butter to each piece before joining Shay at the table. It only took a moment to get Ember nursing happily, having had plenty of practice overnight.

* * *

"So, how was your weekend?" Sharron asked as Erin rolled up her yoga mat, after arriving late she hadn't wanted to be disruptive by talking as well.

"Good" Erin shrugged, as she stuffed the yoga mat into the back of the pram, checking on her youngest, Ember happily playing with the toy hanging above her. Shay was off running around with Caitlin, trying to stay in the shade as she'd been told but getting caught up in whatever game she was playing. It was lovely to be outside in the fresh air and sunshine, yoga returning to the park now that the weather was reliably good.

"Good? I need details" Sharron requested, tucking her own yoga mat under her arm as she moved to stand nearer her friend.

"We had fun. We spent some time at the botanic gardens - where we got married, in the hotel room and on the roof of the hotel. Then we arrived home to a surprise barbeque yesterday" Erin summarised, smiling as the fresh memories played in her head.

"Nice, but you know those aren't the details I'm after" Sharron persisted with a smile of her own, a very different type of smile.

"I know exactly what you want to hear, but you'd need to buy me a drink for that and I don't drink" She informed with a shrug, smiling right up until she deadpanned the last four words.

"C'mon, I haven't had a date night in six weeks, Bryce has been so busy with the new contract…" Sharron tried to persuade.

"But you're in a much better position financially because of it" She reasoned, helping Shay who had come running over in search of her water bottle, rifling through the storage pouch of the pram.

"Who you date?" Shay questioned, panting to catch her breath as she thrust the water bottle back into her mother's hand once she'd had a mouthful.

"She dates her husband, Caity's daddy, just like I date your daddy" Erin explained to her daughter. "New word" She added when she looked back to Sharron.

"Ahhh. You're trying to distract me!" Sharron realised, retaliating by hitting Erin's arm playfully with the foam yoga mat. "Details please" She pleaded.

"We had sex" She conceded, laughing as her friend groaned.

"And?" Sharron pressed, unwilling to give up now that her pestering was starting to work.

"But we… I don't know… we did something else that was better" Erin decided to share.

"Better than sex?" Sharron demanded loudly.

"Shh! Yeah better, it was weird though, it was just this really weird feeling when we were just lying there together. Looking into each other's eyes… that kinda romantic crap from movies where you just look at each other and see so much more than a person, you see all of them…" She elaborated, not sure how best to describe the feeling or if she should even be disclosing that much information.

"Sounds sweet" Sharron nodded, momentarily forgetting her purpose.

"I don't know, it was intense and exhausting and since Shay woke me up at eight twenty by slapping me across the face I almost wish we'd spent that time sleeping" She explained, laughing a little as she thought back to how terribly she'd missed the two and a half year old.

"You just don't like that while you were learning about him he was learning about you, all of you" Sharron contributed, having learned early on in their friendship that there were massive grey areas in Erin's life that she would probably never discuss.

"That too" She nodded, dragging her bottom lip through her teeth as she turned to look for Shay, skipping around a tree with Caitlin.

"You want to come over to ours for coffee and a play?" Sharron offered, checking her phone for the time.

"Sure, but you're not getting details" She clarified seriously, shaking her head at the notion.

"It's no fair though, your husband is a freaking fireman. He's got the muscles and everything going on" Sharron complained with a frown Erin recognised as identical to Caitlin's.

"Bryce is good looking" She reminded, Sharron seemed to have forgotten her own husband, he certainly wasn't Erin's type but he wasn't completely unattractive either.

"Yeah, he's good looking he isn't 'holy crap my ovaries are exploding' hot!" Sharron argued emphatically, again slightly louder than was appropriate considering they were at a public park.

"That sounds like a health hazard…" She quipped with a smirk, enjoying the fact that her friend wasn't entirely exaggerating.

"Erin" Sharron groaned.

"Shay, would you like to go to Caity's to play?" Erin asked, very thankful for the toddler's timely arrival.

"A date?" Shay questioned hopefully.

"Yeah, a playdate" She agreed, waiting to see if the addition of the word 'play' would influence her daughter's decision.

"Umkay" Shay accepted after a moment in thought.

"Please Erin, I'll give you the recipe to my carrot cake" Sharron returned to pleaded once she had conducted a very similar conversation with her own daughter.

"Ooh, tempting…. but no. Do you have carrot cake or do you want me to buy something on the way over?" Erin questioned, if Sharron didn't have anything prepared at home, and she often didn't because they didn't schedule post-yoga playdates, Erin would stop by at a bakery on the way. It seemed a rather equitable arrangement given she never had to worry about tidying the lounge room before and after having guests in the house.

"Haven't been in the kitchen in three days" Sharron informed, a clear 'no'.

"See Bryce cooks too" She added, wondering if her friend needed a reiteration of the 'it's what's on the inside that counts' lesson. Kelly cooked, and cleaned on occasion, he was incredible inside and out but Erin could hardly brag about having found the best husband in the world.

"But he's so OCD about it" Sharron complained as they started toward the road where their cars were parked.

"Kelly makes me pancakes in bed…" She couldn't stop herself from sharing, the words rolling off her tongue before she could consider the impact they would have on their argument. He only cooked dinner on occasion but if they were having a cooked breakfast nine times out of ten it was him standing at the stove.

"Before, during or after sex?" Sharron leaned in to question, making sure the girls didn't hear.

"We'll see you there" Erin replied after a moment, ignoring the question entirely as she turned the pram away and took Shay's hand, sighing as Sharron's laughter carried.

"Mama I go Caity?" Shay asked, slightly confused since they had parted ways so quickly, her mother had asked her opinion and she had affirmed but there had been no mention of when her playdate was going to take place.

"Yeah, we're going to go to Caity's but we have to go in our car and stop at the bakery on the way. I need your help choosing a cake" Erin explained as she placed Ember in the car, double checking her safety harness before stowing the pram and helping Shay into her car seat.

"Elsa cake!" Shay decided immediately, every time they went to the bakery nearest Sharron's house Shay would demand the cake with an Elsa doll surrounded by an edible skirt instead of the traditional Barbie variety.

"Not a birthday cake, I'll show you which ones you can choose from when we get there" She explained, using the classification system she had used dozens of times in the past. Cakes with lots of frosting were classed as 'birthday cakes' and cakes without were the options Shay would get.

"But Elsa Mama, Elsa cake" Shay pleaded, convinced the cake would taste better simply because it looked like her favourite princess.

"You can have an Elsa cake for your birthday" She put forward as an option, though she suspected Shay would want something else by then.

"How when soon my birfday?" Shay asked once she had processed her mother's statement.

"You'll be three in six months" She answered, thinking about how quickly the two and half years they'd had together had gone.

"How soon that?"

"We've had Emmy for three months so twice as long as that" She supplied, not sure that the toddler was capable of comprehending time like that.

"Twice!" Shay squealed, she usually loved the word but wasn't sure she did in this sense.

"Yeah, two lots of three months" Erin tried to clarify, struggling to think of a better way to explain it to the toddler, she was just starting to get the days of the week, introducing months as well would overcomplicate things.

"Forever" Shay determined in a pained moan, flopping her head back to thump loudly against her car seat, a sign of frustration more than an attempt to hurt herself.

"A long time but not forever" She reasoned gently, understanding the toddler's disappointment, she couldn't afford to set a precedent by buying an elaborate cake without an occasion though.

"I wants a Elsa birthday cake but" Shay concluded gloomily.

"Well it's Chase's birthday on the weekend and if you ask him nicely I'm sure he'll consider an Elsa cake" She suggested, it wasn't a commitment but the smile that rapidly spread across Shay's face made her feel much better.

"Please! Please phone Mama" Shay requested excitedly.

"You don't need to call him right now, I'll remind you to ask at dinner tonight" She assured, looking back at the toddler since they were stopped at traffic lights, it was frustrating that they always seemed to catch the red light at the intersection immediately before the bakery.

"What dinner?" Shay asked, thinking regularly about food.

"I don't even know what lunch is yet…" Erin replied, wondering if she should look for something at the bakery.

"Can we has Grandpa Hanky chicken?" Shay enquired, licking her lips at the thought.

"No, I don't think so" She answered, as much as she would like to it just wasn't possible.

"Why?"

"Because Grandpa Hank has work so he can't come cook for us" She explained absently as she turned into the car park.

"Why?" Shay repeated, unsatisfied with the answer she had been given.

"Come on, cake time" She encouraged instead of attempting to answer, getting out of the car in the same movement she used to remove the key. Shay was out of the car as soon as her mother opened the door, moving to the front of the vehicle, staying within the lines, while her mother retrieved Ember, leaving the now sleeping baby in her car seat. Holding Shay's hand they stepped up the curb and walked along the pavement into the bakery.

"Ooh, that one Mama, Elsa!" Shay cried as soon as the cake of her dreams came into view. Erin kept hold of her hand, pulling her to the opposite end of the display case to look at the actual choices.

"We can have that one, that one or that one" She offered as she pointed to an orange and poppy seed cake loaf, a chocolate cake and a glazed lemon sponge.

"Them one" Shay answered pointing to both the orange spotty cake and the sticky looking yellow cake.

"One or the other" She pressed.

"Why?" Shay whined, wanting some of both.

"We only need one cake."

"I hungry" Shay reasoned.

"It's just morning tea, we'll have lunch at our house. Which one?" Erin urged, trying to get a decision out of the toddler before the man behind the counter decided to serve another customer instead.

"Umkay… that one!" Shay provided, closing her eyes and waving her arm to point randomly.

"The lemon cake please" Erin told the man, despite the toddler pointing at the shelf between the cakes.

"Certainly" He nodded, busying himself putting the cake into a box. Erin released Shay's hand as she moved to see if anything took her interest for lunch.

"Mama!" Shay called.

"Shay?" She returned, suspecting the toddler had momentarily lost view of her.

"Mama Elsa!" Shay squealed as she crossed to grab her mother's hand, tugging her across to a set of shelves with boxes of cake mix in just about every variety imaginable. The box that took Shay's interest though had Elsa printed on the front, cartoon hand raised to look as if she had summoned the finished product with her magic powers, white glittering cake pops that closely resembled snowballs.

"Mhmm, very nice" She nodded.

"Please Mama, pleeeeeeease! For Chasey… for my brother birfday…pleeease" Shay begged, little hand grasping the box but not lifting it from the shelf, she had been on enough grocery shopping adventured to know that was a certain way to not get what she wanted.

"Alright then" Erin surrendered, nodding as the toddler gawped, surprised she had been granted permission. Shay took the box she held while Erin took the one behind it, placing them both up on the counter to pay for along with the cake. Having scanned the back of the box she was confident they would be a fun but simple cooking activity for the afternoon, with the added bonus that if the finished product was any good they could take some in to the firehouse.

**This was getting really long so I had to cut it here. **


	161. Chapter 161

"You have my phone number…" Sharron reminded as Erin noted the time, placing Ember back into her car seat, a clear indicator she was getting ready to leave. It made sense, two cups of herbal tea, a slice of cake and some decent conversation had helped the morning fly by.

"I do" Erin confirmed with a nod, knowing exactly what Sharron was referring back to, she still hadn't gotten the details she was desperate for.

"So if you change your mind…" Sharron continued, not even trying to be subtle.

"I'll see you on Wednesday" Erin finished. "Come on Shay, time to say goodbye" She added as she stood up, slinging the diaper bag over her shoulder and picking up Ember before moving to where her daughter sat cross legged, playing quietly with Caitlin and her princess castle dollhouse.

"You wanna take the rest of the cake?" Sharron offered quickly as she stood up, worried she had pushed Erin too far on the subject.

"No it's fine" She assured, taking Shay's hand the moment the toddler stood and mumbled a 'bye' to her friend, heading for the front door. Ignoring Shay's complaints Erin lifted the toddler to her hip once she had the front door open, continuing on down the garden path to the gate.

"Erin wait!" Sharron called after her, carrying Caitlin as she bounded down the path. Erin paused, hoping it was a case of a forgotten sock or something irrelevant, though she would never say it for fear of losing her only 'normal' female friend she was well and truly over her fact finding mission. What had happened over the weekend was none of Sharron's business, it was private and intimate and meant a whole lot more to Erin than the frivolous gossip women were supposed to exchange. "I'm sorry, I was just teasing" Sharron apologised seriously.

"It if was bothering me I'd have said something" Erin rationalised, face neutral, eyes certain.

"Are you sure?" Sharron questioned, it was uncharacteristic for Erin to leave so quickly, the first mention of going home typically came an hour before any move was made to go about leaving.

"I just want Shay to have lunch on time, to get back into a routine" She explained with a small, almost apologetic, smile. Body language confusing Sharron who put herself at fault for the untimely end to what could have been a nice morning.

"I'm really sorry. I won't mention it again. I'm glad you had a nice weekend, just jealous to be honest" Sharron added, accepting Erin's reasoning despite her better judgement.

"Its fine, I promise" She assured.

"Mama I hungry" Shay interrupted, Erin struggled to internalise her joy at the simple statement, additional evidence to hopefully rid the doubt that was so obvious on Sharron's face.

"I promise" Erin reiterated before looking at Shay. "We're going home for lunch" She informed gently as she passed through the front gate and across the verge to their car.

"See you on Wednesday" Sharron called as she closed the gate, settling behind it to wave.

"Mama what 'bout my date?" Shay questioned as her mother clicked Ember's car seat into place, untucking the blanket for a moment to check her harness.

"Your playdate is finished bub" Erin explained as she finished with Ember, taking Shay's hand to lead her around the car to her own door.

"Why?" Shay enquired, holding her mother's wrists as she was lifted up into her car seat.

"Because it's time to go home for lunch" She reasoned, helping the toddler with her seat belt. Shay seemed to think that was a good enough reason, mind drifting to thoughts of food as her mother closed the door, waving to Sharron and Caitlin before climbing into the car. She flicked the indicator the moment the car was on, looking at the side mirror then performing a shoulder check before pulling away.

"Can I has date for dinner?" Shay requested hopefully, thinking about lunch led to thinking about dinner and dating was a constant on her mind as she tried to learn more about the word and its strange meaning.

"No Shay, that's not how it works" Erin answered, smiling at the toddler's innocent obsession with a concept far above her maturity level.

"How works then?" Shay pressed, intent on building an understanding of the term her brother had taught her but refused to explain.

"Like I said this morning, a date is just a nice way to spend time with someone special, it doesn't have to last for very long. A playdate, like you had with Caity, is just a type of date where you play together for a little bit, and mummies have a talk normally" Erin explained, hoping to confine Shay's enquiring mind to knowledge of playdates instead of anything romantic.

"Oh" Shay said, frowning as she considered this new information. She didn't remember ever sharing her mummy so that Chase could go on a playdate with Nadia, who she knew didn't have a mummy, yet she understood that dating was part of their special friend relationship.

"Do you understand what I mean?" Erin asked, noting the puzzled look via the rear view mirror.

"No" Shay answered honestly.

"Right" She accepted, realising she would have to give the toddler more information, it was just a matter of ensuring she explained in a way Shay would understand. "Well a date is usually an activity or a meal" She supplied, feeling that those were the two main categories. "Going to see a movie with someone could be a date or it could be for breakfast, lunch or dinner. You meet up and spend time with them, talking or just being together…" She expanded, satisfied that would clear things up.

"Kissin'?" Shay asked, puckering her lips and opening and closing her mouth to demonstrate what she meant.

"Maybe… depends on the type of date" She provided, very curious to know what was going on in her two year olds head.

"What type kissin' date?" Shay asked after a short pause.

"You'd probably do some kissing if you were on a date with your boyfriend or girlfriend…" She justified, knowing that Shay was familiar those roles thanks to her brother and aunt.

"Umkay, thank you Mama" Shay smiled.

"Anytime Shay" She nodded, of course she wanted Shay to feel comfortable to discuss anything with her, she just hadn't suspected dating would come up as a topic so soon. Watching Shay in the mirror she saw the toddler think for a moment before turning in her seat and reaching for the boxes of cake mix they had bought at the bakery. Shay grasped one and pulled it up onto her lap, spending the rest of the car trip tracing over the text on the back and using the pictures to tell her mother the ingredients they would need to add.

* * *

"Oh really?" Erin questioned, watching her daughter intently, pointer fingers held in Ember's firm grasp as she vocalised, cooing and babbling in an early form of conversation. The infant was happy to pause and listen before responding, encouraged by her mother's facial expressions, and occasionally, when she surprised herself with her own sounds, a soft laugh. Erin was thoroughly enjoying slouching on the couch, feet resting on the coffee table, knees bent to prop the infant up as they conversed. "You like my watch? I like it too, Daddy gave it to me" She informed as if the baby had enquired about the metallic object that held her gaze, dark blue eyes focused on the gleaming article adorning her mother's wrist.

"Aah" Ember squeaked.

"I love Dada too" Erin filled in response, nodding and smiling. "And I love you. I missed you lots but I'm home now, and I'm not going anywhere" She assured, leaning forward to kiss Ember's fists. After a gummy smile and a gurgle of laughter Ember released her mother's fingers, splaying her own tiny fingers before clapping her hands to her face. Another shriek was followed by the rather uncoordinated stuffing of a fist into her mouth, leaving her other hand pressed flat to her cheek. Erin ran her fingertip between the five small fingers to stroke Ember's cheek, the fingers curled at the light touch, arm straightening until the baby almost punched herself in the eye. "Careful" Erin whispered as she caught Ember's fist between her finger and thumb, not expecting the moist slap of the second little hand against her wrist, slobbery fingers grasping for the watch. "Ahh, you want to touch it bubba?" Erin asked as she slipped the watch free and handed it to the baby. Not unexpectedly the first thing Ember did with the black stainless steel device was press half the face into her mouth, the cold metal and glass feeling good against her gums and tongue. "Lucky its waterproof huh?" Erin cooed as she eased the watch from Ember's mouth, unable to work it free of her hold she wriggled the links of the band until they made a soft metallic clink. Ember thrust her hands out straight, forcing her mother's hands away as she shook the watch to try to make the noise, smile turning to a frown as she struggled.

"Uhhgh" Ember grunted as she moved her hands sharply, increasingly frustrated. Erin was just about to intercept when Ember's slimy grip faltered, sending the watch flying. Following the arc of its flight with her eyes Erin could see exactly where the watch was going to land, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Saving Shay from the rude awakening of a watch hitting her in the stomach would risk dropping Ember. She had no choice but to watch as the metal projectile neared, bouncing from the soft landing, then lost as Shay's startled scream filled the air, eyes drawn up to the source of the sound.

"It's okay Shay, you're okay" Erin comforted as she reached for her daughter, hand closing around her little foot since that was as far as she could reach.

"Ma!" Shay gasped, eyes wide, hands clutching her stomach as if she'd been seriously injured.

"Come here" She encouraged, pulling the foot as Shay sat up, dragging the toddler across the couch into a one armed hug, keeping the other hand on Ember so she couldn't roll. "I've got you, it's okay. I'm sorry. Emmy was playing and she threw my watch by accident" She explained after pressing half a dozen kisses to Shay's head.

"Naughty EmEm!" Shay cried, trying to give her little sister an angry face but finding it difficult since it was clear the baby had no idea what was happening.

"She didn't mean it, she's very sorry" She assured.

"It hurted" Shay moaned, shifting back to rub her stomach, bottom lip quivering.

"Do you want me to kiss it better?" Erin offered softly, wishing she had kept hold of the watch.

"No" Shay shook her head, looking to the person that had caused the injury. "EmEm kissy."

"You want Emmy to kiss it better?" She asked, not sure how the three month old would manage the task but willing to let her try if that was what Shay needed to calm down.

"Yeah" Shay nodded a smile forming at the thought.

"Okay, show me where" Erin agreed, Shay lifted her shirt and pointed to her a patch of smooth white skin, the watch hadn't even left a mark. Erin lifted Ember and tried to align her mouth with the spot, providing the kissing noise herself as she touched Ember's face to Shay's stomach.

"All better" Shay sighed, grinning as she pulled her shirt back down, she turned and dug between the couch cushions for the watch, dangling it above her little sister but not letting her hold it again. Erin watched as her girls played, occasionally encouraging Shay to let Ember touch the watch to stop her getting cranky. It was inevitable though and soon the baby started to cry informing her mother she was hungry again.

"She's hungry now Shay" She explained when Shay looked to her, big blue eyes searching to see if it was her fault Ember was crying.

"Umkay" Shay conceded, handing the watch to her mother then launching across to help by unclasping her mother's shirt.

"Other side" She informed as she did up the watch with one hand. Shay quickly abandoned that clasp, crawling back across her mother's lap to get the correct side of the shirt undone, tugging the fabric down so that Ember wouldn't have to wait any longer. "Thank you Shay."

"You boobies the bestest Mama" Shay complimented, resting her head just above Ember's against the firm, rounded, flesh.

"Thanks?" She accepted hesitantly, bringing her hand across her body to hold Ember so that she could use the other hand to hug Shay to her side.

"I hungry" Shay mumbled a moment later.

"Um…" Erin managed as she tried to work out what the toddler was saying.

"I real hungry" Shay urged, bringing a hand up to her cheek, squeezing until milk overflowed from the corners of Ember's mouth, Erin couldn't get the burp cloth in place in time since Shay's head was in the way.

"You didn't eat all your lunch, I put your PB-'tella triangles in the fridge" She offered encouragingly.

"No I no want that" Shay shook her head, kneading with her hand to keep Ember dribbling milk as she sat back to look at her mother.

"What do you want then?" She asked, drawing her arm back from around Shay's shoulders so she could steady the biggest of the three hands and her breast.

"I get" Shay supplied as she crawled backwards to the edge of the couch, dropping down to her feet before crouching to get under her mother's legs.

"Shay, what are you getting?" Erin questioned as the toddler retreated.

"I get" Shay repeated as she reached the doorway, disappearing out of sight toward the kitchen. Erin was relieved Shay hadn't asked for 'Mama milk' which was where she thought the toddler was going but worried about what it was the toddler wanted instead. She cleaned up the spilled breast milk as she waited for Shay to return, carefully drying the creases of Ember's neck. "Please Mama" Shay pleaded as she returned, holding something behind her back.

"What is it?" Erin asked, tilting her head slightly to peer around the toddler, Shay swiftly backed up against the wall so she couldn't succeed.

"Say yeses" Shay urged.

"Not until I know what it is" She reasoned seriously.

"Please Mama, please" Shay pleaded desperately, almost losing her grip on whatever it was.

"What is it Shay?" She asked, tone indicating she was losing patience.

"You say yeses, we gots practrice" Shay explained frantically.

"Practice?" She suggested, it was the only word she could think of that the toddler might mean in this instance.

"Yes practrice Chasey" Shay nodded as she dropped the box, quickly moving to pick it up and show it to her mother, Elsa's face obscured by her fingers.

"Yes" Erin nodded, agreeing to make the cake pops.

"Yes?" Shay demanded, it wasn't the answer she had expected.

"Yes, that's why I bought two boxes, so we could practice. We'll make those and take them for Chasey and Daddy to try. To make sure they like them" She explained, thinking more about how seeing her husband than providing samples of potential birthday treats to her son.

"Yes!" Shay shrieked, jumping and doing her own little happy dance before rushing to the door.

"Once Em-bear's finished eating we'll do cooking" Erin reasoned, stopping Shay in her tracks.

"Yes!" Shay accepted, continuing to bounce with excitement for a moment before stopping suddenly, she walked sensibly to the coffee table and put down the box before climbing up next to her mother. Seconds later she returned to kneading, squeezing and releasing methodically to help Ember feed more quickly. The sooner Ember finished the sooner they could make the delicious looking snowballs on sticks.


	162. Chapter 162

"Shoes please Shay" Erin called as she headed up the stairs, Ember's car seat in hand, continuing on towards the bedroom once she turned to see Shay pulling on a pair of socks. Ember was still fast asleep and remained so as Erin carefully transferred her into the car seat, slowly removing her little finger from her mouth as she slid the limp arm through the harness. Ember's tongue continued to suck as she slept on, mouth open just wide enough for her mother to ease the finger back in a moment later. The need to move slowly ceased and Erin hurried back down the stairs to find Shay wearing one sparkly ballet flat and one silver studded black leather boot. "Those shoes don't match silly" She shook her head as she placed the car seat beside the door and crouched to help Shay.

"No Mama!" Shay argued, pulling her foot away when her mother tried to remove the sparkly shoe. Erin attempted to take off the boot instead and received the same complaint with an increase in volume.

"You want to wear silly shoes?" She asked, tone making it very clear that the toddler should reconsider.

"Yes" Shay answered defiantly, pushing her mother aside as she stood up, the shoes couldn't be pulled from her feet if she was standing in them.

"Why?" She pressed, certain she could persuade the toddler otherwise if she at least had a reason for the strange behaviour.

"This Elsa favourite and this Anna favourite. I Elsa-Anna big sister Emmy no wear shoes" Shay tried to explain, though the statement didn't make much sense even to her mother who was used to deciphering her obscure sentences. Erin paused for a moment, thinking about the 'choose your battles' section of an article she had read on navigating the terrible twos.

"Okay then" She accepted, slipping on shoes before retrieving the keys, diaper bag, container of cake pops and Ember.

"But Mama" Shay whined as she started to follow her mother, the difference in the thickness of the rubber soles making her steps uneven. Regretting her decision more and more with each step.

"Come on, let's go see Daddy" Erin encouraged, tucking the plastic container under her arm so she could help Shay down the stairs.

"And Chasey" Shay added, keen to work her magic on her big brother so she could have the Elsa cake. Not that she wanted the cake, she just wanted the doll with its long braid of white blonde hair.

"And Chase" She nodded.

"And Pouchy-poo" Shay smiled as she paused to watch a dog being walked on the other side of the street.

"And Pouch. Up you get" She instructed, opening the door so that Shay could get into the car exactly how she always did.

"Can't" Shay shook her head.

"Yes you can, hop up" She requested with a corresponding gesture.

"No! Can't" Shay denied, raising her arms to indicate that she wanted to be lifted.

"Alright, don't move" Erin ordered, unable to lift the toddler with everything in her hands, she looked to the gate as it opened mechanically then gave Shay a serious look before starting around the back of the car. The fence and gate were there for a reason and letting Shay out of sight while the gate was open worried her, likely more than it should have.

"Mama, Sooty!" Shay squealed, feet rooted to the spot but pointing eagerly at the black cat. Erin felt sick, this was the exact reason, though it didn't make any sense considering the cat hadn't set foot outside the house since the day she had been hit by the car, not willing to try her luck with only three legs. In seconds she had reversed the three steps she had taken to see the toddler pointing up at the windowsill where Sooty lay. The toddler's arm glued to her sides as she did her best not to move, as she had been instructed.

"You can wave to Sooty" She permitted, leaving the toddler again as she quickly put Ember into the car.

"Soot-Soot Chasey window" Shay informed when her mother returned.

"Mhm, up we go" She acknowledged as she lifted the toddler into the car, the sparkly shoe falling from Shay's small foot. "Ahh, see you should have worn matching shoes" She reminded as she put the shoe back on, understanding the toddler's reluctance to climb into the car.

"No" Shay whined as she did up her seat belt for herself.

"Are you gonna hold these for me?" She changed topic, offering the plastic container to the toddler.

"Please" Shay answered with a smile, accepting the container, hands immediately trying to remove the lid. The stiff plastic was something Erin struggled with so she wasn't too worried, deciding at the last minute to comment anyway.

"You can't eat them."

"Why?" Shay asked, face falling as she looked to her mother for one good reason she couldn't take the lid off and eat one of the glittering snowball cakes she had made.

"Because they're for Daddy and Chasey, and you already had one" Erin reasoned, running her thumbs around the lid of the container to make sure it was sealed.

"Umkay… but I share pouchy" Shay decided, smiling at her own quick thinking.

"We didn't make very many so you can only have one more or there won't be enough for everybody" She explained clearly.

"Oh no!" Shay moaned as she looked at the container, unlike her mother she had eaten one of the cakes, she knew how good they were and she definitely didn't want to share.

"Just hold them or I'll put them up the front" She warned, shaking her head at the toddler's antics as she closed the car door. Ten minutes later they pulled up along the street out the front of the firehouse, their usual parking space occupied by a tangle of thick red hoses.

"DADDY!" Shay shouted as she was set down on the footpath, her father nowhere in sight but clearly forefront on the toddler's mind. Shay waddled with her odd shoes and the large container in her hands, Erin following along behind, trying not to laugh. They rounded the red brick fence and were about to start up the driveway when movement to the left caught their eyes. Two bodies, or one Erin thought at first given how tightly they clung together, pressed up against the inside of the fence. "Chasey" Shay squealed as she recognised the man from the back of his head alone, not having the advantage of the name on the back of his shirt the way his mother did. Chase held Nadia to the fence, her hands tangled in his curls as they kissed, both freezing at Shay's call.

"Um" Nadia squeaked, looking over her boyfriend's shoulder to see Erin, she could hear the little footsteps approaching too.

"Uh…" Chase supplied as he stepped back rapidly, turning to see his mother, trying to look unfazed when it was clear they were both just as shocked as each other.

"Sorry" Erin offered as the pair rushed to straighten themselves, backs of hands wiping over mouths before they exchanged a look. Chase ran a hand through his hair while Nadia did up the top two buttons of her shirt, both looking anywhere but at the person who had just caught them.

"Chasey up!" Shay requested, tugging at his pants when she reached him, having left the container on the ground next to her mother.

"Shay, I'm just a little busy at the moment, why don't you go inside with Mummy and I'll be there in a minute" Chase suggested hopefully, tucking his shirt in as he looked down at the toddler then across to Erin again.

"Chasey" Shay warned, tugging twice hard before stepping up on his foot, if he wasn't going to pick her up she was going to climb into his arms.

"Come on Shay" Erin called, voice light and cheery.

"But Chasey…. What you doin'?" Shay questioned, ignoring her mother.

"I'm just…saying goodbye to Nadia" He supplied, that was how it had started anyway.

"Aunty Nada what you doin'?" Shay enquired as she pushed off Chase's leg and stumbled toward her aunt, dressed for work but definitely not working.

"Nadia came over for a lunch date princess, go on inside. I'm just saying goodbye, I'll be there in a minute" Chase rephrased, more firmly in a tone Shay didn't often hear from him, in fact she wasn't sure she'd ever heard him speak like that before the weekend when fun Chase had been replaced by serious Chase.

"A date!? Mama! Chasey-Nada datin'" Shay announced loudly as she skipped back over to her mother, retrieving the container before looking back at the couple. Chase and Nadia were whispering harshly to each other as they both glowing red with embarrassment.

"Mhmm" Erin nodded as she placed a hand on Shay's shoulder. "Let's go show Daddy your cakes."

"But Chasey" Shay whined, resisting the pressure on her shoulder steering her towards the large opening to the building.

"Chase can look after Daddy" She assured as she spotted Kelly at the far end of the building, facing away from them in his seat at the end of the squad table.

"DADA!" Shay called as they neared, leaving her sparkly shoe behind as she ran at him, holding the container to her chest.

"Shay! How are you?" Kelly questioned as he rushed to put aside the wire and pliers he had been using so he could pick up the toddler.

"I cooked" Shay announced as she held the container out for him to see.

"What did you cook?" He asked reflecting the delight in her eyes without thinking to.

"Umm… Elsa snowballs… Mama?" Shay stumbled, unable to remember what they were called on the box even though her mother had read it to her multiple times.

"We made some Frozen cake pops" Erin provided enthusiastically, winking at her husband.

"Ooh, that sounds yummy" Kelly smiled, licking his lips as Shay giggled.

"Mama, there 'nough Daddy?" Shay questioned as she started on the lid, forehead creased as she strained against the tight lid.

"Daddy can have one. I'll open that for you" She offered, setting Ember down as she reached for the container in order to help.

"NO! Daddy big strongly" Shay argued, shoving the container at her father's chest instead.

"You want me to open it?" Kelly checked, looking to his wife for approval. She nodded.

"Pleeeeease" Shay begged until he turned the container and started trying to open it, looking to his wife when he couldn't get it to budge.

"Use the tab on the corner" Erin suggested softly.

"Oh, that's tough" He commented when he finally got the lid off, reaching across to place it on the table.

"Daddy eat" Shay ordered, hand closing around one of the plastic sticks before aiming the cake at her father's face and straightening her arm.

"Careful Shay" Erin warned as Kelly barely caught the toddler's hand, slowing the cake sphere just before it hit his face, leaning forward to take a bite.

"Yum!" He announced as he chewed the lightly vanilla flavoured, white chocolate covered, glittering sponge cake orb.

"Daddy likes Mama!" Shay beamed, looking to her mother and clapping once her father took the plastic stick from her hand, finishing the rest in a single bite.

"That's good, why don't you take the container and offer them to everyone else" She suggested, lifting Shay down to her feet before handing her the container, conscious of the rest of the squad eyeing the treats.

"But Chasey!" Shay reminded, pointing outside as she started to suspect it had been more than a minute.

"Save one for Chase" She instructed simply, dismissing Shay's concern.

"I save one Chasey" Shay repeated with a smile.

"Go on, make sure they use their manners" She added loudly enough for the men to hear as she turned the toddler towards them.

"Thanks Erin" Capp called back sarcastically, feigning offence at the suggestion they would be anything but polite toward the toddler, their boss's kid.

"No problem" She returned voice sickly sweet.

"How's your day been?" Kelly questioned, dragging his wife's attention away from his colleague.

"I missed you" She complained, sad eyes forcing Kelly to his feet.

"I missed you too" He replied, rubbing his thumb across her cheek a few timed before pulling her head against his chest. "We can go to my office" He put forward in barely a whisper.

"Yeah" She nodded as she looked up into his eyes. Jumping back in fright at the volume of his next phrase.

"Oh, Em! What a stinker!… Shay we'll be in my office changing Emmy" Kelly informed the toddler standing on the table, waiting for the men to say please. Shay looked over her shoulder and nodded that she had heard before catching Tony playfully trying to reach into the container, she slapped away his hand and started telling him off as her parents disappeared hand in hand.

"Smooth" Erin commented with a snort of laughter as they made their way down the corridor.

"It worked" He argued, setting Ember's car seat on his desk before taking the diaper bag from his wife.

"True" She accepted, though it was clear she didn't really want to. "Now kiss me" She requested, closing the gap between them in one determined stride.

"Gladly" He breathed, pulling her flush to his chest with one arm while the other hand held her head, angling her mouth to meet his. His tongue was quick to invade, skimming her teeth before delving deeper into the familiar warmth. She couldn't help but moan into his mouth when seconds later his fingers made contact with the line of skin revealed when she reached up to hold his neck. Neither wanted the kiss to end but it would be beyond awkward to be discovered passed out on the floor from oxygen deprivation, still in each other's arms. She pulled away first, bowing to his superior lung capacity as she stepped out of the embrace entirely, feeling giddy and a touch dizzy as she panted heavily.

"I think I lied…" She informed, conflicted feelings carved in her face, only stopping to breathe.

"What?" Kelly demanded, her statement far too broad.

"I told Emmy I wasn't going anywhere, but now all I want is to go away again, to be able to do that forever" She explained, placing her hand in the center of his chest, keen to feel his heart beat beneath her fingertips.

"We can do that forever right here baby" He assured, lowering his face towards her when the door swung open.

"Dada can my girlfriend come to dinna?" Shay questioned flatly, watching from the doorway as her parents separated.

"Forever?" Erin reminded with a shallow laugh as she turned to face the toddler, only just processing her question.

"No dinner, silly" Shay corrected at her mother's soft statement, forever certainly wasn't a reasonable request and as far as she understood dates couldn't last forever anyway.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Erin asked, deciding to play along until Shay's motives became clearer.

"Yes, Caity" Shay supplied with an exasperated sigh, thinking it was rather obvious, she played with Caitlin twice a week on average, at yoga and at dance.

"Isn't Caity just your friend?" She decided to run by the toddler, wondering when their relationship had evolved and how it had done so without her knowledge. Chase had explained that special type of friendship to her and it was possible the weekend with the young couple had reintroduced the role in a way she wanted to replicate.

"No. I'm gonna kiss her, on my date" Shay informed with a determined look.

"Oh really?" Kelly chuckled as he looked to his wife, shaking his head slightly in amusement, a hint of concern visible in his eyes.

"Yeah, Mama-Dada kissin' datin', Chasey-Nada kissin' datin'… I gonna kissie Caity on my date" Shay justified, it was only fair to get to engage in the same behaviours.

"You don't just kiss on a date" Erin reiterated, wondering if she had said too much in response to the toddler's questions. Shay seemed to have been curious about the concept since the moment she had woken up.

"No, we eatin' Dino-Getti and juice, you can cookin' us Mama" Shay offered sweetly, trying to assure her mother that she would be included. "And… and we watches Frozen 'gether."

"Sounds like you've got it all planned out" Kelly commented, if Shay's idea of a date was Dino-Getti, juice and Frozen he wasn't worried, in fact the longer it stayed that way the happier he would be.

"Caity me talkin' 's mornin'" Shay provided, thinking back to the hushed conversation at the dollhouse.

"Ah, is that why you were asking about dates?" Erin linked, the toddler had been talking dates all day but the hardly supervised play with Caitlin had led to this new line of questioning. She felt better knowing she hadn't been solely responsible.

"Please?" Shay asked optimistically, blue eyes wide and bright, prepared to smile or cry depending on the outcome.

"I'll talk to Caity's mummy and see if we can organise something, maybe after dancing on Wednesday" Erin permitted, not the conclusive answer Shay wanted but that didn't stop the toddler celebrating, rushing to hug her parents about the knees.

"Thank 'oo Mama-Dada, love you…" Shay finished happily, turning and skipping out of the office with a smile on her face. Erin and Kelly looked at each other, both more than a little confused by what had just transpired.

"You okay with that?" Kelly questioned reviewing his daughter's word choices in the same way his wife was.

"Which part? The girlfriend part or the letting our two year old go on a date? Which'll most likely be in our lounge room?" Erin asked in response, only calling it a date because that was clearly what Shay wanted, the idea of having Caitlin over had potential.

"Girlfriend, Shay'd be proud" He laughed, knowing his best friend would have been thrilled to know the little girl wasn't just named after her but was already taking after her as well.

"She's two, don't read too much into it" She dismissed seriously, it was way too early to think about that sort of thing, not that she particularly minded if Shay decided on girlfriends instead of boyfriends. It was likely because Shay didn't regularly play with any little boys, especially since she'd stopped going to the Herrmann's.

"I know, it's just cute… And weird, our little baby can't have a date" He shook his head, he'd already thought about Shay's first date, scaring the kid who came to pick her up senseless, making sure his little princess was going to be treated right, respected and valued the way she deserved.

"No she can't" Erin nodded, moving to check on Ember. "But Shay can. It's actually a great idea…"

"Why's that?" He questioned softly, fatherhood fantasy disappearing as he joined his wife in fussing over Ember, smoothing her hair, stroking her cheeks, holding her hands and tucking the light cotton blanket in around her feet.

"Well if I look after Caitlin for a night Sharron will have to stop complaining about her lack of sex" She informed triumphantly.

"Ew…" He groaned.

"Sharron gets the date night she wants, I'm a great friend, Shay gets her 'date', win-win-win. Unless you have a problem with it hubby dearest…" She added at the end of her list, curious to know how her husband would react to having the final say on the matter.

"Are you really gonna let her kiss Caitlin?" He asked, without that aspect it wasn't any different from an extended playdate, at their house, with their rules and supervision.

"No, definitely not. Caity goes to daycare two days a week, Shay might catch something" She assured, not yet sure how she was going to go about discouraging the behaviour. It was definitely something she would have to think on and approach carefully.

"I wouldn't mind trying to catch whatever you've got" He winked, laughing as he lifted her up onto the desk, kissing her hungrily as his paperwork was shoved aside. It was their turn for embarrassment a few moments later when Chase entered the room without knocking, mid-sentence informing them that Pouch had taken Shay's shoe when he realised what he had interrupted.

**Time-wise I can't really afford to write more than 2500 word chapters if you want daily updates, that might mean chapters like this one that just stop instead of really ending. I could easily spend half an hour or more trying to work out where I would take the dialogue from this point or, since it's irrelevant to the overall plotline, I could move on to the next chapter… I'm trying really hard on daily updates but my real life is hectic at the moment, thank you all for your patience. **

**Sandygirl – I love your reviews, it's so great to hear your honest opinions on the highs and lows of each chapter. I look forward to that email notification from the moment I post each chapter. Sorry for letting you down over the weekend, I felt really awful considering how you'd just said you were enjoying the daily updates…**

**Michnkicks – Thank you for taking the time to review. I love the way you end your reviews with 'please update soon' or 'can't wait to see what happens next' it ****really**** motivates me. As a writer there's nothing better than knowing someone wants to read MORE of what you write! Oh and before I forget I was going to PM you re:your last review but it won't hurt to share with everyone who reads this: With regards to Shay asking to try 'Mama milk' I'm not actually 100% sure how Erin would react. Probably a gentle explanation that Shay's a big girl (with teeth) and doesn't need it and then possibly a sip via a bottle so she doesn't feel left out… That's just speculation seeing as it isn't part of my plan I just like to remind everyone at times that Shay is unpredictable and that the characters can't read each other's minds. **

**Sydcasy, UKgirl71, Clodge6 (guest) and Daisyangel thanks for your reviews too :D **

**Alright, I'm done now. High-five if you read that all!**


	163. Chapter 163

Tuesday was the most difficult day they had had as a family in a long time. Shay was distraught, bursting into tears every few minutes, her parents constantly trying to console or distract her. It all came down to one word at dinner the night before, no. Chase had said no to the Elsa birthday cake. And that in itself was crushing enough for the two and a half year old. But then he had gone on to say he didn't want a cake at all, or for anyone to mention his birthday again, please. Throughout the twenty-five words or less statement the young man had remained calm and polite, getting up and leaving the room, and his half eaten dinner, to hide in his bedroom the moment he had finished. Neither Erin nor Kelly had known what to say or how to react, taming Shay mid-tantrum became their priority. A tearful bowl of ice cream later the toddler had allowed herself to be manhandled through her bedtime routine. Erin couldn't bear the thought of her two year old crying herself to sleep, that would resemble her own childhood far too closely, so Shay had come to bed with them, watching a cartoon on the laptop until she had fallen asleep. It had been a peaceful night, Shay snuggling her father so she wasn't interrupted when her mother got up to feed Ember, only four times, half as many as the night before. Hopefully another night would halve that number again and then they'd be back to normal.

Back to normal was what Erin had expected when she woke up the next day, Tuesday, the day from hell. The reality of waiting another six months for her own birthday for the Elsa cake seemed to hit Shay in the first five seconds of consciousness. Sobbing and wailing while she reflected on what had happened and how, assigning blame led her to hit herself in the head repeatedly until her parents intercepted and restrained her. She had continued to cry after that. At first the distractions had come easily to her parents, cooking her favourite choc chip raspberry pancakes together, then decorating them with honey, jam and whipped cream. The sugar gave Shay a rush of energy and the freedom to choose her own outfit was lost amid another explosion of emotion, crying, screaming and kicking that time. Dora helped for a moment then cake was mentioned and Shay was gone again. Beavers. As many cartoons as she wanted, her parents wary of setting her off again. They'd done a puzzle together, but one of the upside down pieces somehow reminded her of cake.

Kelly should have known better than to serve her morning tea on a Frozen themed plastic plate, grapes, cheese and crackers flying across the dining room. At that Erin very loudly announced that it was time to play outside, and it must have worked because a crushed grape on the dining room floor indicated Chase had come down for food. His bedroom door remained closed. And for that they were thankful, he had gone from being her idol to a trigger for upset with one word. Shay's throat grew increasingly sore as she cried her way through lunch, lunch dessert, a new movie and her allocated nap time. Erin force fed the toddler an electrolyte icy pole, concerned she was dehydrated when she ran out of tears. Kelly and Erin did washing and played with Ember when Shay did finally nap, sleeping until dinner time. Chase didn't come down to eat. Erin knocked and left a plate at his door. Sooty enjoyed the treat, twice the size and on the brink of a food coma when Shay caught her coming down the stairs, snuggling the cat until she fell asleep on the couch.

Chase timed his descent perfectly in that regard. Looking sullen as he slid into his boots, grabbed his bag and took the keys so he could wait in the car. Kelly watched from the lounge room doorway, then checked his watch, sighed and returned to the couch. Erin gave him a questioning look but didn't say anything, the last thing she needed was to wake Shay up so she could cry over her father leaving for work as well. "Let him stew" Kelly offered gruffly.

"You sound like Hank" Erin informed coldly, as much as she loved the man who had raised her she loved her husband more, her husband who could forgive just about anything.

"We're buying the damn cake anyway, I'm gonna make my baby girl smile and I don't give a shit that he doesn't want a birthday" Kelly grumbled, keeping his voice low. If it were up to him they'd have driven to the bakery first thing, but Erin had argued. He understood her logic, they couldn't just buy the cake or soon they'd be buying cakes all the time, but he hated seeing his little girl suffer. He hated the accompanying feeling of helplessness more.

"He probably has a reason. Promise me you won't give him a hard time on shift" She requested seriously, harbouring mixed feelings. As much as she felt Chase was in the wrong she had seen how hard it was for him to say no to his little sister, his request that his birthday be forgotten had been directed at them not her. They had enabled Shay all day and she accepted responsibility for that, but it couldn't continue.

"Erin, he upset Shay" He put flatly, underneath all the words and upset that was what really mattered.

"He didn't mean to, please babe" She compelled, urging him to adopt the same attitude.

"As long as he's giving me the silent treatment I'll do the same. I'd give him the day off if I didn't think him hanging around here would be worse" He replied, frustrated at Chase for ruining what could have been a perfectly good day with his family.

"Kelly, go to work, focus on the job. Shay'll be fine in the morning. She has Caity coming over tomorrow" Erin reminded, the toddler would be over it in the morning and she needed to know that he would to. The kid had just said no to a cake and asked that they not celebrate his birthday, she felt guilty that they'd chosen Shay over Chase when there was obviously something wrong with him.

"Why couldn't he just say yes?" He frowned, starting to wonder if he'd last a shift without cornering Chase and demanding an apology.

"I don't know, I want to. You wanna make Shay happy?" She questioned, he nodded. "Then stay safe, don't let this get to you. And like we said, no matter what he's still our boy, keep him safe to" She finished, giving him a forceful shove.

"….sit in the fucking truck…" She heard him mumble as he got up and left the lounge room. After carefully slipping out from under Shay's legs she followed him to the door, one last thing on her mind to say to him.

"I love you" Erin said seriously after grabbing his arm so he was forced to turn and face her. Speaking far more than those three little words with her eyes, she was asking a question.

"I love you too" He nodded, accepting that loving her meant being on his best behaviour when it came to Chase. After giving her a quick hug and a kiss he repeated the words and left.

"Mama?" The sleepy little voice called from the lounge room. Erin took a deep breath, ran her hand over the top of Ember's head, just peeking out of the sling, and went to answer the call.

**I've had a really terrible day. I don't know if anyone saw what went down on Instagram today but I spoke up for the fact that you can't own a name, specifically the name Ember and it's usage in Chicago Fire/PD fanfiction and then all hell broke loose. I DID NOT STEAL the name Ember from anywhere, I came up with it in December last year (before Shay was born). I have a sticky note next to my desk that I wrote that day. It has three names on it. Until today I didn't realise how serious cyberbullying can be, I honestly feel sick to the stomach because of some of the stuff that's been said. I'm sorry but I just couldn't focus on writing.**


	164. Chapter 164

"I'm sorry" The road was being resurfaced, with only one lane operational, and the silence had finally become too heavy for Chase.

"Mmm" Kelly grunted in response, shrugging his shoulders in dismissal as he looked out the window, wishing he'd taken Seymour Street and avoided the delay. If the man holding the stop sign right in front of them didn't turn it around in the next thirty seconds they would be late. Something he didn't usually mind. "Your mother's worried about you" He added after a long pause, frustrated that the silence had given him time to think, and therefore time to see that she was right. Chase really hadn't done anything wrong, perhaps he could have been a little gentler but none of them could have predicted Shay's reaction. He had only just convinced himself to forgive the young man when Chase scoffed in response. "I don't know what your problem is but you're not a teenager cut the attitude or…" He stopped himself, Erin might never forgive him if he said what was on his mind.

"My problem? I just had a bad day… I said no to a birthday cake I don't want. To a birthday I don't want…" Chase tried to reason, he didn't want to be having this conversation. And he definitely didn't want to be having it as an argument.

"I'm sorry you had a bad day, but we're here for you, scoff all you like but your mother and I…"

"She's not my mother and you're not my dad! He's dead!" Chase cut off explosively, slamming his fist down onto the window ledge with such force that Kelly was surprised the airbag didn't go off. Overcoming the shock it took the older man a moment to even start to think of anything to say in reply. Thankfully in that moment the stop sign was finally turned, the momentary distraction of driving through road works good for both of them.

"And I'm sorry about that kid. You're right, we're not your parents but we are your family. So talk to us… I feel like I've missed something" Kelly admitted honestly, if he stopped to think about it Chase hadn't been himself since this time last week. They'd been far too caught up with their anniversary to notice or ask though.

"Kids always have a thing, they like Easter, or Christmas or birthdays more than the others… I don't like my birthday… I don't want to talk about it I just want to work" Chase answered flatly, as if he were too exhausted to care, as the firehouse loomed in the distance.

"Okay" Kelly accepted. "But make sure you eat something. And next time Erin makes you a meal you'll eat it, we can't afford the vet bills if Sooty explodes…" He tried to lighten the mood once they arrived, pulling into their usual car space before grabbing their matching bags from the backseat and heading to the entrance.

"Sorry" Chase mumbled, he'd had his headphones in, blasting music that matched his mood. When he'd got up to use the bathroom his dinner had already been devoured, Sooty sitting across the hall licking her paws and cleaning her face. He was remembering how conflicted he had felt about leaving the plate there on the floor when Kelly stopped abruptly in front of him.

"Leave it at the door, you're here to work Ace" He reminded firmly. Chase stopped just short of the threshold, took a deep breath and cleared his mind completely before continuing.

* * *

"MAMA?" Shay called from the top of the stairs, tears already dripping off her chin though she hadn't even been out of bed for a minute.

"Down here bub" Erin replied, pulling a face at Ember as she listened to the toddler make her way down the stairs, certain it sounded more like trudging than walking. Ember tried to mimic the expression but a sneeze distracted her, little fingers then exploring her nose instead. "Good morning" Erin greeted Shay cheerfully, she didn't care how forced it seemed, she wasn't going to let the fussing continue.

"You naughty Mama… I losted you" Shay complained between sobs, harsh frown remaining as she used her chubby toddler fingers to wipe her tears away. She desperately wanted to cuddle into her mother's side but that wouldn't do since she was trying her hardest to be angry.

"Don't be silly Shay, you just woke up, you have nothing to cry about" She reasoned sensibly, keeping her tone completely neutral.

"ELSA!" Shay reminded, running straight at the couch, top half flopping flat on the seat while her legs dangled behind her, pressing her face into the gap between the cushions to cry dramatically.

"Oh Em, you want to bounce bubba?" Erin asked, turning her attention to her younger daughter, Ember's legs bending and stretching to bounce against her stomach. She was determined not to have a repeat of the previous day and ignoring Shay's behaviour seemed like the best response in that moment.

"MA" Shay squeaked, looking up and across at her mother, frustrated she wasn't getting the attention she desired.

"Shay" She replied, keeping her eyes on Ember as she continued to play. Shay's sobs grew louder for a few moments but when that didn't work she stopped crying and inched her way across the couch to her mother. Resting her head on her mother's lap Shay slipped her little finger into her mouth and promptly fell asleep. Erin couldn't help but smile, gently brushing aside the hair that had fallen across Shay's face. Settling Ember up against her shoulder she found the remote and changed to her favourite twenty-four hour news channel, watching the headlines before growing bored and choosing to continue playing with Ember instead. The baby seemed to have decided that now, while her big sister was asleep and in a fragile mood, was the best time to experiment with how loud she could be, growling, babbling and then squealing. It was inevitable that the noise would wake Shay eventually but Erin was surprised how long it took for the toddler to give up dozing to sit up.

"Mama I hungry" Shay informed as she rubbed her eyes and yawned, it was amazing how exhausting crying could be.

"What would you like for breakfast?" Erin questioned gently, pulling Shay's pyjama top down to cover her stomach then pausing to stroke the toddler's cheek. Balancing affection and sensible parenting was the thing she struggled with at times like these, Shay needed to know that she was loved unconditionally but that there were acceptable and unacceptable behaviours. As big as she had grown she was still very much a little person with a lot to learn.

"'Nana and strawberries" Shay answered without needing to stop and think. "Please" She added a second later.

"Okay. You want to help me wash the strawberries?" She enquired.

"Please" Shay nodded, taking the hand that was offered when her mother stood up, it seemed like a good idea until Erin realised she wouldn't be able to take Ember's chair through to the kitchen or dining room. Shay did everything she could to help her one handed mother though, opening the container of strawberries, turning the taps on and off herself, washing the bright red berries then peeling the banana while her mother cut off the leafy heads. Erin knew exactly what she was doing when she put the roughly chopped banana and strawberries on the plastic plate to cover Elsa's animated face. She grabbed a tub of soy based yoghurt from the fridge for herself, thinking that was a reasonable breakfast in addition the toast she'd eaten earlier, and followed Shay to the table.

"You can have some yoghurt too if you're still hungry when you've finished your fruit" She informed the toddler who looked mildly envious when her mother offered a yoghurt dipped finger to her little sister. Ember pulled quite a face at the strange taste, Erin could sympathise having found the yoghurt offputtingly acidic when she'd first started eating it as a lactose free alternative.

"Mama" It wasn't a question, it was just a serious request for attention. "Why me not get Elsa cake?" Shay asked diplomatically, popping half a strawberry into her mouth as she waited for an answer, no sign of the emotion she had shown previously.

"Well Shay cakes like that are for special occasions, like birthdays. It's not your birthday and Chase doesn't want it for his birthday so you'll just have to wait. We eat plenty of cake anyway, you had lemon cake with Caity on Monday and cake pops with Daddy and Chase. You don't need an Elsa cake" She finished, feeling she had summarised the situation sufficiently for the toddler.

"Umkay" Shay accepted with a quick nod, refusing to make eye contact she continued to eat her breakfast in silence for a few minutes. "Mama. I no want Elsa cake" She decided.

"Why?" Erin almost snapped, stunned by the sudden revelation that the simple logical reasoning with the toddler had worked. She no longer wanted the cake.

"I no Elsa cake, I Elsa… I want princess hair" Shay tried to explain, threading banana covered fingers through her knotty bedhead hair.

"I don't understand."

"I want princess hair. I Elsa hair… you, you um… my hair princess I wanna Elsa hair princess" Shay elaborated, stopping when her mother started to nod her understanding. Though Erin wasn't sure she had ever felt so stupid.

"You don't want the cake, you want the doll because she has lots of hair for you to play with" Erin put to the toddler, clarifying that she understood.

"Me play" Shay agreed, smiling and clapping her hands. "Please."

"Well that's very different. Why didn't you say that yesterday?" She pondered, though at no point the day before had they stopped to ask the toddler why she wanted the cake.

"'Cause" Shay shrugged.

"Right, well it's still not your birthday and I'm not just going to buy you an Elsa doll for no reason. But if you help me this morning and clean up all your toys, and keep them where they belong until Caity comes over, I will buy you an Elsa doll" She conceded, hoping that would be the end of the upset. And it was, for Shay at least. They worked together while Ember had her mid-morning nap, cleaning the entire downstairs of their house, Shay ended up not only cleaning up her toys but also putting all the shoes into the shoe rack and pushing in all the chairs at the dining room table. They weren't big jobs and two year old had a lot of fun doing them, along with pressing the button on the vacuum cleaner which never failed to make her giggle, though Erin wasn't sure what made it funny. The house wasn't exactly a mess so it didn't take them very long for Erin to be satisfied, though she wasn't sure why she was cleaning in preparation for another two year old visiting.

Off to the nearest department store they went, Ember in her pram with Shay alternating pushing and riding on the front. There were so many Elsa dolls to choose from that they both quickly became overwhelmed. It took them a long time to go through each of the options, eventually finding the perfect toy. The odd looking plastic head and shoulders resembled the Disney princess and had plenty of hair and accessories for styling it, exactly what Shay wanted. As they passed through the checkout Erin couldn't help but feel a sense of relief, it was one less thing to have to worry about. Unfortunately the situation with Chase probably wouldn't be solved by buying him a toy.

**I promise the next chapter will be a lot more fun. Thank you all for your reviews/messages/support, it's meant a lot to me. We're nearing 600 reviews (which is kinda crazy right?! Trust me I've been doing a happy dance about it) and again I would love to reward the author of that review with an unrelated one shot – or maybe something more, it's a pretty big milestone so I'm trying to think of something special to commemorate; I'll keep you updated on that front. Just a reminder however that having an account is necessary in order to communicate effectively and claim the 'prize'. **

**Any guesses as to what's going in with Chase?**


	165. Chapter 165

"Mama we gonna be lates" Shay complained as she stopped in the lounge room door way, dressed and ready to leave only to find her mother sitting on the floor, leaning back against the couch, busy feeding Ember.

"No we're not" Erin assured, checking her new watch just to be sure.

"We gots to get Caity but" Shay reminded, shifting her weight from foot to foot in excitement, she had hardly been able to sit still at lunch. If not for her new Elsa toy she likely would have been ready for dance class hours ago, buying Dino-Getti while they were out was just the prompt Shay had needed to get excited about her first date.

"I know, but your sister is hungry and if I don't feed her she won't sleep while you're dancing" She reasoned, loving the huff of frustration Shay gave, closely followed by a squeal of excitement.

"But late!" Shay shrieked, stomping across the room to grab her mother's arm, attempting to read the strange new device, she knew it was supposed to tell time but couldn't figure out how. At least on the phone she could see the numbers, even if she couldn't name them correctly, the numbers on the watch didn't change so she grumbled that it was broken and skipped back across towards the doorway.

"Shay, we still have plenty of time. You're just ready early, why don't you play with Elsa some more?" She suggested, pointing across to the somewhat disturbing decapitated Elsa sitting proudly on top Shay's toy crate. The packaging had the princess's body printed on the front, an assortment of hair accessories hidden within.

"'Cause my toys gotted putted away for Caity!" Shay explained, peering out at the front door once she had gestured at the unusually clear expanse of carpet. There was nothing on the coffee table, the small cushions were lined up neatly on the couch, which her mother had taken the vacuum to; sucking up all the crumbs that seemed to accumulate even though they didn't often eat on it, soft grey suede all brushed in one direction by the vacuum. The bookshelves had been cleared of toys, toothbrushes, socks, fridge magnets and all the other things Shay had put there since it had last been cleaned, so long ago that Erin couldn't remember precisely, except she was sure Ember hadn't been born at the time. Everything was in its rightful place and Erin had been too proud of her efforts to ruin that by sitting on the couch, happy cross legged on the floor.

"I said you could leave Elsa out, crazy girl" Erin teased playfully, pulling a crazy face to match the word.

"What that?" Shay questioned, she had heard the word before but now that it was being applied to her she needed to know exactly what it meant. If it was anything like her mother's face suggested she didn't want to be called that.

"That's what Daddy called you when I told him you didn't want the cake, just the doll. Crazy girl" She repeated, chuckling softly at the expression she pictured on her husband's face in that moment. As much as she would have liked to have seen it in person she suspected there would be a decent amount of anger bubbling below the surface.

"Crazeeee?" Shay repeated, testing the sharp 'z' sound.

"Yeah, crazy, that means really silly" She expanded, she should have defined the word then explained when it had been used.

"I not!" Shay argued, finally deciding she didn't like the new word.

"You'd be crazy to stand there for the next ten minutes while your sister eats, play, go to the toilet, make sure you have your headband in your bag" She listed as things the toddler could better spend her time doing. It would be a long ten minutes if Shay continued to swing herself off the doorframe, thankfully not leaving handprints like the ones she had wiped off earlier.

"I ready now but" Shay sighed.

"Do you want to tell Emmy-Bear a story so she goes to sleep faster?" She offered next, knowing Shay would do just about anything for her little sister, the added bonus of making Ember finish sooner also served to motivate the toddler.

"Umkay" Shay accepted, bringing her thumb and finger up to stroke down her chin in a way she had seen cartoon characters use to think.

"Come on then, sit with us" Erin encouraged, beckoning Shay over then helping her to sit comfortably alongside. Shay grasped her little sisters bare feet, admiring the tiny toes as she started to tell a story about a cat, named Sooty and how she had been hit by a car then 'dopted by a royal family, befriending the little princess Shay. It was an embellished version of a story she had heard repeated many times, most recently over the weekend when her Uncle Adam noticed they had a cat for the first time. By the time Shay had finished Ember was fast asleep, the toddler affectionately patting her baby sister's hair flat now that her head was closest. Erin watched as Shay kissed Ember's head then let her eyes fall to her wrist to check the time again, it was still early but picking up Caitlin could take a little while so it wasn't unreasonable to leave. "Are you still ready?"

"Mhmm" Shay nodded, keeping quiet so she didn't disturb Ember.

"Can you get Emmy's car seat for me?" She asked next, it would be much easier to put Ember straight in and it seemed like a reasonable task for Shay, who knew it was an important part of getting ready to leave.

"Yes" Shay answered with a smile, on her feet and out of the room in no time. She returned with the car seat hanging awkwardly, handle behind her neck, the bottom of the seat pointing at her mother while it rested against Shay's chest, hands looped up over the handle to support it. The toddler narrowly missed the doorframe, lifting the handle up over her head then dropping the car seat to the ground in a clatter once she got nearer her mother. Ember remained asleep but Shay apologised anyway, helping with the buckles to make up for it.

"Are you sure your headband is in your bag?" Erin checked once they reached the entry way of the house, knowing Shay had used it on Elsa earlier.

"Sure" Shay vowed, lifting the bag from the doormat, pulling it open, digging through and presenting the headband with a grin. Erin placed Ember down before pulling the headband down over Shay's head, smoothing her hair as she lifted it over Shay's face and into position. The headbands were a recent addition to Shay's dance uniform, having been handed out two weeks earlier to help the girls get ready for the headbands they would wear while performing in their upcoming dance concert, now only a little more than a week away. Erin still wasn't sure how she felt about letting Shay take to the stage but today's dance practice would be a good indicator of how much coaching and at home practice they would be doing.

"Let's go then" She smiled, opening the door with the diaper bag and car seat in hand. Shay carried her own bag after stuffing her water bottle into the mesh pouch on the side so it didn't fall. They were packed into the car a minute later and at Sharron and Caitlin's twenty minutes, or five and a half Disney songs, later. "Do you want to knock?" Erin asked as they reached the front door. Shay squealed then knocked, starting with 'the Frozen knock' then continuing to bash loudly until her mother seized her hand and told her to wait. Caitlin came running toward the door not long later, pressing her face against the glass panel as she waited for her mother.

"Good afternoon" Sharron greeted as she swung the door open, letting the girls shriek their own greetings to each other as Erin returned the phrase.

"Caity you ready to go?" Erin asked once they'd exchanged a typical 'how are you?'.

"She needs her bag" Sharron reminded, disappearing for a second before returning to slip the backpack onto Caitlin's back. "Be good for Miss Erin okay, I love you" She added as she crouched in front of Caitlin.

"Mummm" Caitlin whined as a kiss was pressed to her forehead.

"I'll look after her" Erin assured. "Have fun."

"Car seat!" Sharron remembered suddenly, she had left it sitting beside her car in the garage and rushed to retrieve it, following Erin out to her car.

"I already moved Shay's over so it should be pretty easy, I wish Kelly were here though he's so good at it" Erin shared as she placed Ember on the footpath, instructing the girls to keep a hand on the handle while she popped the back of the car and worked with Sharron to get the car seat in properly. Then it was just a case of getting all three girls in and clipped up before closing the door, reassuring Sharron as she rounded the car, instructing the girls to wave once she was in. The CD came back on automatically once the car started and the drive to the dance studio was filled with a song from Frozen and lots of excited toddler chatter, it was a miracle Ember remained asleep. The dance class itself was fairly standard with Erin reading on her phone and rocking Ember with her foot at the back as the girls expended energy in front of the mirror at the front.

"Erin, where's Sharron?" Melita, the scariest of the scary dance mums, demanded at the end of the class.

"Uh? Why?" Erin asked, shocked to be addressed directly by someone she'd only received dirty looks from in the past.

"She said she'd make the headbands" Melita explained before turning to the rest of the group of mothers and continuing. "Of course I should have known better, she's probably never even been to a dance concert before! Doesn't realise how important presentation is to the judges. The headbands need the feathers and the rhinestones or they'll never be able to complete with Miss Belinda's class. They won last year and Daphy was devastated, it had to be the costumes because the girls danced so much better." Erin couldn't control the baffled expression that overtook her face, of course Melita was rude and obsessive, that was to be expected but to that point she had never considered her mad. The information they'd been given about the concert was that all the classes in the youngest age group got the same participation award, with older girls competing to ascertain grades not prizes.

"I didn't know there was a winner" One of the other quiet mothers contributed much to Erin's relief.

"Well there isn't officially but you can always tell… It's the order they give out the certificates in" Melita defended, Erin managed to keep her composure though she would have loved to laugh at the ridiculous suggestion.

"If it's really that important surely you can make the headbands" Erin suggested once the group fell silent again, having dissolved into gossip at the revelation their little girls were actually taking part in a competition.

"I'm already doing the legwarmers! I know you missed the meeting but seriously…" Melita sneered. Erin nodded dumbly; she had never been invited to a meeting, in fact that was something she would need to bring up with Sharron who must have gone if she'd been assigned headbands.

"Well I'll do the headbands but someone will need to show me" Erin volunteered softly, certain the idea would be shot down by Melita anyway, it felt just like high school all over again. The type of drama she definitely didn't miss.

"You just follow the online tutorial, Jackie send Erin a link to the tutorial, Margot get the stuff" Melita snapped, gathering her things, now the crisis had been averted and she'd delegated the jobs she saw no point in hanging around.

"Erin, I'll need your email address" Jackie informed gently, pulling out her Ipad, she clearly intended to fulfil her commander's orders instantly.

"Yeah sure" Erin nodded, checking Ember before getting up so that she could type the email address herself, that way she would know for sure she had the tutorial. The last thing she needed was to do something wrong and have to ask for help.

"Don't screw it up, our girls deserve to win" Melita hissed in Erin's ear as she pushed past, emphasising the 'our' far too much for Erin's liking. She watched as Melita crossed the room and noted that she was right, Shay and Caitlin stood out from the group, but not in a bad way. They looked like they were having fun. Margot handed Erin a plastic container of velvet ribbon, elastic, bright royal blue feathers and half a dozen packets of rhinestones in various sizes, the moment she had given the Ipad back to its owner.

"Good luck" The woman who had questioned Melita about it being a competition smiled, following the rest of the women to collect their children and leave.

"Right" Erin said to herself, not entirely sure what had just happened, moving to collect Ember before calling the girls over and thanking their teacher. Shay and Caitlin skipped ahead, holding hands as they made their way to the car. The journey home was uneventful and as expected Shay and Caitlin started a game brushing, twisting and clipping Elsa's synthetic hair the moment they arrived. It gave Erin a chance to change Ember then feed her while watching the twenty minute online tutorial video. Even though it was long it didn't actually look too difficult, the steps repeated a number of times to make the process clear to even the most inexperienced crafter. She could probably make the dozen in an hour or two, except she didn't have access to a hot glue gun.

"Mama I hungry" Shay shared, tearing her mother's mind away from hot glue and feathers.

"Would you like to go on an adventure before dinner?" She replied energetically.

"Yes!" Shay nodded instantly, Caitlin hesitated, only speaking when Erin looked to her expectantly.

"Yeah" The little guest agreed, not really sure what that meant.

"Well I need to get some glue and the craft store is right next to an ice cream shop!" She enthused, knowing from conversations with Sharron that Caitlin was a big fan of chocolate ice cream.

"But we haben't had dinner" Caitlin reminded, voice small as she wondered if this was normal for them.

"I know, but we can put the ice cream in the freezer until after, that way you'll know what you're having for dessert" Erin reasoned, giving the little girl a reassuring smile.

"Please Mama" Shay practically begged, eager for ice cream though she had eaten more in the last forty-eight hours than at any other time in her life. One of the few benefits of spending almost an entire day in tears.

"Caitlin, would you like ice cream?" She asked, ignoring Shay for the moment.

"What flabor?" Caitlin returned cautiously.

"Any flavour you like, even triple chocolate swirl" She informed, noting the grin that consumed the toddler's face at that.

"Yes please Miss Erin" Caitlin nodded, trying to remain sensible though one look at her friend had both toddlers squealing and giggling.

"Okay, shoes on then girls" Erin prompted when they had calmed down slightly. She lifted Ember from her blanket on the floor and followed the girls, leaving the lights on as she slipped on shoes and grabbed her handbag instead of the diaper bag. She narrowly avoided the two matching dance bags, pushing them aside with her foot as she ushered the toddlers out the door. What was meant to be a twenty minute trip to the craft store and ice cream shop turned into an hour long outing. Caitlin didn't want triple swirl because it had white choc chips not milk chocolate. Shay didn't know what she wanted there were so many choices, one for every letter of the alphabet. Erin didn't want any but was increasingly conscious of the other patrons, the constant shrieking and squealing quickly becoming annoying. The man behind the counter tried to hurry the girls by offering them a sample but that resulted in two fierce tantrums when they couldn't try all the flavours. Erin ended up making the choice for them, Nutella flavoured for Caitlin and Strawberry for Shay, and as a result the car ride home was very quiet. Ice cream safe on the passenger seat, girls worried they wouldn't be having dessert if they didn't behave. "Upstairs and wash your hands before dinner" Erin instructed as they stepped through the door, feeling exhausted as she lifted her disgruntled baby out of the car seat. She quickly dropped the craft supplies on the dining room table and put the ice cream in the freezer before heading upstairs to change Ember's diaper, check the girls and find the sling.

"And then we does this" Shay was instructing, standing in an open drawer since her stool at the sink wasn't big enough for both of them. She painted the soap onto the mirror, rubbing it vigorously until it created a foamy layer on the cold glass. She managed to scribble a few characters into the mess before her mother stepped in. Caitlin burst into tears thinking she was in trouble, and therefore surrendering her dessert, and took precious dinner preparation time to console. Shay hugged her best friend then dragged half the roll of toilet paper over so that Caitlin could wipe her eyes and blow her nose. By the time Erin finally made it to the kitchen Ember was fast asleep in the sling and the girls were setting the dining room table. Thankfully the Dino-Getti didn't take more than five minutes to prepare, and carrot and celery sticks weren't difficult either.

"Shay, Caitlin, dinner's ready" She called as she carried the bowls and plates out to the table. The girls had put out placemats and cutlery but were now nowhere to be seen. "Girls?"

"Mama, I gotted flowers for date" Shay explained as she rushed back into the room holding a dusty bunch of plastic flowers. It took Erin a moment to work out where the faded bluebells had come from but then she recalled stuffing them into the bottom of the linen cupboard not long after finding them in the cupboard under the stairs when they'd moved in. She had no idea how Shay had found them.

"Very nice, I'll pop them in a vase, you both hop up and start eating" She accepted, after shaking the dust off over the sink she dropped the stem into a drinking glass, placing it on the table between the girls. Once she'd given them cups of juice as well she was dismissed rather sharply by her daughter, leaving them to eat she put Ember to bed and sorted through the materials in preparation for making the headbands. When Shay hadn't called her back after twenty minutes she decided to check on them, just in case Shay had decided to carry through with her plans to kiss Caitlin. What she discovered was, in a way, much worse. Dinosaur shaped pasta had been flung across the table, both girls were covered in the thick red sauce and both were having the time of their life, carrot and celery sticks their weapons of choice. "What's going on?" She asked the pair, who's smiles quickly faded, eyes wide and fearful as they noticed the mess they had made while playing.

"Oops" Caitlin giggled as she released her carrot catapult, sending a pasta dinosaur straight at Erin. It hit her squarely in the chest and for a moment she pretended it had hurt, tossing it back at Caitlin and laughing a second later. She missed by a long way but there was pasta everywhere anyway so it didn't seem to matter.

"Mama, you play" Shay suggested, holding out a sauce covered piece of celery, her catapult preference because she could load multiple little dinosaurs into the groove and the increased flex helped improve her chances of hitting her companion.

"I'm sorry girls but it looks like you'll need a bath, finish eating please" She shook her head, they'd had their fun and she had joined them briefly but now they needed to clean up. The girls finished their food then helped collect the pasta from the floor, scooping more into their bowls than Erin remembered serving in the first place. "Bath time" She reminded when Shay and Caitlin stopped to watch her load the dishwasher with their dishes. Thinking better of telling Shay to get Caitlin a towel with her sticky hands she started the bath then gathered towels and clean pyjamas for both girls, guessing Caitlin was a size or two bigger than Shay she mentally thanked Cindy and Josie Herrmann for the purple set she found. Shay had been left in charge of the bubble bath and it surprised Erin that she had been so sensible. There were still enough bubbles for the girls to have plenty of fun though, Erin kept their clothes folded up next to the sink to avoid the splashing and was careful with her phone when she took photos of the bubble buddies. They were clean well before the water started to cool but remained in until the last of the bubbles were gone. Getting two little girls dried and into pyjamas was novel but Erin had fun. Shay brushed her teeth while Caitlin went to the bathroom then they all headed downstairs to watch Frozen.

The girls giggled and played while singing along before eventually falling asleep. Erin enjoyed the peace as she finished constructing the headbands with relative ease, setting them out on the coffee table to dry she went to clean the dining room. There were pasta dinosaurs in both half drunken cups of juice that had swelled to twice the size in the purple liquid, plopping into the garbage bin disgustingly as she tidied. With the girls asleep and the headbands dry she packed all but one into the container the supplies had come in and sat down to wait for either Bryce and Sharron or Kelly and Chase, both due at any moment. The house was quiet but for the soft murmur of the movie and considering there was an extra child to account for Erin marked the evening thus far as a success.

**Gosh that was fun to write, I hope you liked reading it. Will the rest of their evening be as much fun? **


	166. Chapter 166

Erin had not long finished the ham and salad wrap she had made herself for dinner when she heard a car pull up outside. She looked over the girls, Shay's feet just shy of Caitlin's face, and straightened the blanket spread over them as she got up. Crossing to the window she didn't even need to look outside to know it wasn't the people she was expecting. Sharron and Bryce were well over an hour late while the text message Erin had received from her husband had explained that they were staying back to eat at the firehouse unless she had already cooked. She had jokingly asked if Dino-Getti counted and they had briefly exchanged messages about Shay before he had been called away. She had since eaten and turned off the television, allowing her mind to wander as the soft sleeping sounds of two little princesses filled the silence. Peeking through the curtains she watched as her husband glared at Chase from behind, the young man walking just a few paces ahead. He reached the door first and had vanished up the stairs by the time she made it to the hallway. "Hey" Erin greeted her husband, trying to mask her sad smile, she had hoped to at least let Chase know that Shay had forgiven him.

"Evenin' babe" Kelly answered as he pulled off his boots.

"Good shift?" She enquired hopefully.

"Not bad" He shrugged, leaving his boots on the floor even though there was a space on the bottom shelf of the shoe rack for them.

"You didn't talk to him?"

"You didn't want me to" He reminded.

"No! Well yes but… But I hoped he'd talk to you" She sighed, looking up the stairs as the bathroom door shut. He could see in her eyes that she cared too much, and he cared far too much about her to think to relay what Chase had said in the car.

"Don't worry about him" Kelly requested, taking her hand to lead her through to the lounge room. "Where'd that one come from?" He questioned as he noted the extra child sleeping on their couch. He had every expectation that Caitlin would be long gone and that Shay was upstairs in her bed.

"Haha" Erin returned dryly, keeping her voice low as she explained. "Sharron and Bryce haven't come to pick her up yet."

"Isn't a sleepover? Why else would she have pyjamas?" He questioned, thinking there may have been a miscommunication at some point in the organisation of the date.

"Those are ours, I told you the girls needed a bath after dinner. I could hardly put her back in dirty clothes" She explained frustratedly.

"Oh, you want to give them a call?" He suggested after watching the girls sleep for a moment. Caitlin was so deeply asleep that she didn't even react when she took a foot to the face, Shay rolling over to avoid falling off the edge of the couch.

"Not really… I don't want to interrupt anything" She justified giving him an appropriately informative look.

"Fair enough" He accepted with a frown. "What have you been doing then?"

"Not much" She shrugged, looking at the place at the end of the couch she had occupied prior to his arrival. "I made something though, you wanna see?" She asked excitedly as she remembered the headbands.

"Yeah sure" Kelly nodded, watching as she grabbed a container and something feathery from the coffee table. He hadn't even noticed them, though he had noticed the toy dinosaur was no longer perched on the bookshelf.

"Headbands for Shay's dance concert" She explained as she showed him the headbands, dark blue velvet ribbon with an elastic section at the back to make sure they fit, one large rhinestone covering the stems of the three feathers while others decreased in size around the band, alternating between clear and blue in colour.

"You made these?" He questioned, taking the one from her hands to look more closely at the join of the ribbon and elastic, they looked machine made. Then he compared the one he held with the ones in the box, all the rhinestones were evenly spaced and the feathers angled identically.

"Mhmm" She smiled as he gave the elastic a tug to make sure it would stretch over a toddler's head. Kelly had no idea what he would have done if the elastic had given way and quickly handed the headband back.

"They're awesome" He declared loudly, looking at the girls the moment he realised, both stirred then slept on as Kelly sighed in relief.

"Just wait 'til Melita sees them… I'm sure she'll find something wrong…" Erin muttered to herself as she put the container back.

"Who?" He asked, having heard every word now that he was making a conscious effort to be quieter.

"The bitchiest dance mum" She provided with a sigh, she wished there was something she could do but there was only one class and the concert left to get through and hopefully she'd never see the woman again.

"But you care what she thinks?" He pressed, intrigued by a side to his wife he hadn't seen much of before.

"No… And she'd have learnt that lesson by now if it wasn't a toddler's dance class" She snapped confidently.

"There's my girl" He chuckled, pulling his wife in for a hug.

"Shut up" She grumbled before giving in and pressing her face to his chest. He held her tightly for a moment, breathing in her familiar scent, relaxing. His shift hadn't been strenuous but he had spent most of it deep in thought about Chase, the kid was home safely so for the moment he could permit himself to think about something else.

"But seriously, they're asleep so we can't watch TV, what do you want to do?" He asked, lowering his head to brush his lips across her cheek, a few ideas in mind.

"I'd love to, but we can't" She sighed, pointing at the girls before using the same hand to cover a yawn. Nothing had come from the baby monitor so she assumed Ember was sleeping through.

"I can wait up if you like" He offered, making sure she knew he was being genuine as he ran a thumb across her cheek.

"No, head up and have a shower, if they're not here by the time you get out I'll make the call" She decided, taking his hand and pressing a kiss to his palm before releasing his hand and stepping back from him.

"Okay" He accepted, as much as he wanted to argue a quick shower might get him just what he wanted. Erin settled back onto the couch, tucking her feet up under herself as she pulled out her phone. She listened intently to the low soft sound of Kelly and Chase speaking to each other, she couldn't discern what they were saying but they didn't exchange more than a few words before continuing in separate directions. Chase's bedroom door closed, their shower started and then the doorbell rang. Erin leapt to her feet instinctively at the unexpected noise, checking over her shoulder before rushing to the door.

"Hi" Bryce greeted, standing alone at the door.

"Hey, come on in" Erin smiled, stepping aside so that he could pass. This was always the awkward part, Bryce not sure where he was supposed to go, Erin behind him.

"She behave herself?" He questioned softly, noting how quiet the house was.

"Yeah, she was no trouble at all. They both fell asleep pretty early" She replied as they entered the lounge room.

"Well thanks" Bryce nodded before moving to scoop up his sleeping daughter, the blanket gripped tightly in her hand.

"You can take the blanket" She offered in a whisper, worried that between the doorbell and attempts to get the blanket out of her hand Caitlin would wake up. He gave a thankful smile then started back towards the door, stopping to take the dance bag with his daughter's Blaze water bottle in the side pocket. "I'll just grab her car seat for you" Erin added as she followed him out the front door, car keys in hand.

"Thanks" He repeated as she moved around him , it wasn't a difficult task but with Bryce watching closely it seemed to take forever to get the car seat out of her car. Then he held the gate for her and offered to swap so that she held Caitlin while he installed the car seat. Erin refused, Sharron laughed from the passenger seat then got out of the car to help.

"Hey" Sharron greeted, pulling her husband's jacket tighter around her shoulders as she moved to fasten the seatbelt Erin passed her.

"Hey" Erin returned, not wanting to waste time she gave the seat a wobble to check it was in securely then moved out of the way so Bryce could put Caitlin in. "I'll wash her clothes and bring them to yoga" She added from the footpath.

"Thanks Erin, I owe you one" Sharron concluded as she moved to get back into the car. Erin waved for a moment but was inside the gate by the time they pulled away. She moved Shay's car seat back to its original position because it was on her mind then headed inside. Hearing the shower still running she rushed to lock up and put Sooty to bed, turning off lights as she went. Shay felt heavy in her arms for the first time she could remember, reflecting as she carried her big girl up to bed and tucked her in; remembering to place Roary beside her before leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. Chase's light was still on and for a moment Erin considered venturing down the hall to talk to him, then she sighed and turned in the opposite direction. Pulling her shirt up over her head she stepped into their bedroom, lit by a single bedside lamp, closing the door quietly beside herself. She'd just stepped out of her pants, tossing them into the laundry basket, and placed her hand on the bathroom door handle when the shower stopped.

"Turn it back on" She requested huskily as she entered the room.

"She's gone?" He questioned, smile creeping across his face as he let his eyes scan his wife's barely clothed body.

"Yeah" She nodded, undoing her bra and dropping her panties to the floor as he watched, hand fumbling with the taps to send first a jet of scalding water then an icy one down his back. He turned his attention to get the temperature right and Erin stopped to apply toothpaste to her toothbrush, beginning to brush as she stepped into the shower.

"Now I can't kiss you" Kelly complained, tapping her nose with his fingertip before turning her around so that her shoulders rested against his chest.

"B…oo…an…wait" She tried to communicate as she continued to brush. Kelly ignored her, trailing kisses across her shoulder and up her neck instead, one hand at her waist while the other rested comfortably on her stomach. In that moment Erin lost all regard for dental hygiene, ignoring the fact she wouldn't let Shay get away with brushing for such a short period of time she rapidly got rid of the toothbrush. Rinsing her mouth with warm water she almost choked when her husband's hands found her breasts.

"Sorry" He laughed as she recovered, giving him a playful glare as she turned to face him, rising onto tip toes. She flung her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a fire and ice kiss, the menthol in the toothpaste confusing her brain with cold signals. Kelly deepened the kiss then lifted her, pressing her up against the wall as she shifted her hands to his shoulders. They pulled apart and Kelly was moving back in when she placed a hand on his chest to still him, trying to hear over the shower and blood pounding in her ears. The moment of silence was enough for her to recognise the extra noise. Ember was crying, noise travelling through the open bathroom door and reverberating off the tiles and glass.

"That's Em."

"Yeah" He nodded, waiting to see what his wife was going to do about the revelation.

"Sorry" She apologised, turning off the shower and stepping out, handing him a towel before wrapping one around herself.

"Don't be, we can pick up right there after we see what's wrong" He shrugged, she couldn't control when the infant cried so he didn't understand why she was apologising for it.

"She'll be hungry" She informed biting her lip as she moved to the doorway, Ember's cries intensifying.

"Don't worry babe" He assured, moving with her to the crib to soothe their baby. Crying was soon replaced by laughter, Kelly doing his best to help dress his wife while she fed Ember, kissing her seductively as he pulled the pyjama pants up instead of down. He felt as if someone had pressed the rewind button right when things were about to get interesting. It was much easier to control himself when she was at least partially clothed though, shirt remaining unbuttoned. They curled comfortably in a sitting position together, Erin leaning against his shoulder while he leaned against the headboard, arm reaching over to hold Ember's hand. "She's getting so big" He commented softly.

"She is, not as big as her sister though. When I picked her up she just before felt heavy. She's never felt heavy before" She shared, a little sadly.

"That's because she walks everywhere on her own. And she had her first date tonight. She's growing up" He reasoned, their daughters were bound to do that and while it made him feel like he was doing an okay job as a parent it was still difficult to come to terms with the fact they would both only ever get bigger.

"I wish I took a photo" She frowned, not sure she could get Dino-Getti everywhere to the same degree even if she staged it.

"You've got it in here though" He reminded, kissing her head then moving his hands to lightly massage her temples.

"Forever" She smiled, leaning her head back against him as she relaxed further, Ember almost cross eyed as she focused all her attention on drinking her fill and getting back to sleep. He thought his wife might have fallen asleep but then she sighed and he knew exactly why she had remained so still and quiet. She was thinking. And he knew exactly what was on her mind.

"He did talk to me a little" He admitted, voice rough from a lack of use.

"I heard you before your shower" She nodded, thinking that was what he was talking about. She didn't even stop to ponder how he had known Chase was on her mind.

"Do you know anything about his dad?" Kelly asked a moment later, curious, he understood his wife was closer to the boy emotionally, they had been typical men and kept it strictly a friendship.

"No, I mean I know he died when Chase was a kid but we've never talked about him. Why?" She enquired in response, trying to remember everything Chase had ever said about his childhood and family. There wasn't much there to go on but it wasn't because she had a bad memory.

"I just get the feeling that's the problem" He offered with a sigh, Chase's reaction in the car all he really had to go on.

"I'm going to ask him" She decided, moving her hand to stroke Ember's cheek the way she did when trying to speed the baby up.

"No."

"What?" She replied quickly, questioningly, shocked by his abrupt response.

"Don't ask, I'll do it" He assured, Chase's words echoing in his head: _She's not my mother and you're not my dad! He's dead!_ He also feared she meant right away, the young man might be even harsher if he was tired after their shift.

"I'm his mother, he'll talk to me" Erin reasoned certainly.

"Please trust me on this one" He requested seriously, moving from behind her enough to look her in the eye.

"I'll call Russ and ask first" She promised, having already thought to prepare herself by getting as much information as possible beforehand.

"Okay but just… just be careful with Chase" He added, hoping he would be able to argue his way out of it and change her mind in the morning. 

"Why?" She asked, suddenly getting the feeling there had to be more to it.

"No" He shook his head in refusal.

"Kelly tell me, right now" She demanded, eyes ablaze with determination to get answers.

"No."

"Tell me" She repeated, even more forcefully.

"No, it'll just hurt your feelings" He justified, taking a deep breath as he tried to reinforce the wall he had built, as determined as she was to know not to tell her.

"What will? Just tell me, please. I'm your wife, no secrets" She pleaded, playing on the promises they had made to each other.

"It's not a secret if I'm trying to protect you" He reasoned, he needed to hear the words to remain strong, it didn't matter that they came from his own mouth.

"From what?" She pressed, convinced she could protect herself from whatever it was.

"Chase… He got annoyed at me and he… he just reminded me that we're not his parents. That you're not his mother and I'm not his father…" He blurted, trying unsuccessfully to stop himself at several points.

"Oh" She acknowledged with a single nod, turning her head sharply to look at Ember. Blinking rapidly and sniffing sharply, she didn't want to but she could picture Chase saying those words.

"See, I knew it would upset you" Kelly complained, holding her tightly to his chest.

"I'm not upset, I'm just thinking" She dismissed, voice higher than normal as she tried to mask what she was feeling.

"It's okay to be upset, I was. I told him that I knew we weren't his parents but that we were still his family…" He continued, hoping to alleviate some of the pain she was feeling by sharing how he had responded.

"Good" She nodded, lifting Ember to her shoulder, first her fingers moved to do up her buttons before working the wind from the baby's stomach with practiced ease.

"I'll put her down" He offered, sliding out from behind his wife and taking the baby, so very asleep that her little limbs flopped limply.

"Thanks" Erin murmured as she watched him tuck Ember in. She moved in under the covers, flicking the light switch the moment her husband turned around. Kelly found the bed, climbed in and curled around behind her.

"Good night beautiful, I love you" He whispered against the back of her head.

"I love you too" She replied weakly, hating the way her voice wavered.

"Shhh" He hushed, kissing her head as he snaked his arm in underneath her so that he held her in the circle of his arms.

"Maybe I'm a little upset" She confessed before a hollow sob echoed from deep within.

"Please don't cry" Kelly pleaded as her body started to shake, she had fought for control over the sounds she produced but that came at a cost. "I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry…"

"I just… I love him… He's our boy" She managed to stammer.

"I know" He agreed, manoeuvring carefully such that she ended up lying on his chest, cheek pressed to the grey cotton of his shirt. He didn't tell her not to cry, it didn't matter what he said, what mattered was being there to hold her. The hot drips of tears escaping seeped through his shirt until he could feel the moisture against his skin. Rubbing circles on her back until she took a deep shuddering breath, exhaled it all at once and then was asleep.

**That got a little heavier than I expected but it just felt right and practically wrote itself so I'm happy. We'll find out what's going on with Chase next chapter but I'm glad my foreshadowing was sufficient to lead you all in the right direction! Thanks for reading :D**


	167. Chapter 167

"Shh, let's let Mama sleep" Kelly whispered to Ember as he lifted her from the change table, checking over his shoulder to see his wife sprawled across the bed as he left the room. It was clear the baby didn't understand what he had said, her cries getting louder as they descended the stairs.

"Dada?!" Shay called from the couch as she spied her father walking past the doorway, forgetting the cartoon she had been engrossed in to that point she got up and followed him into the kitchen. They had been watching cartoons together for almost an hour when the soft mewls Ember made before crying had come through the baby monitor, still on the coffee table from the night before.

"You wanna help me feed Em?" He questioned when they reached the kitchen.

"Yeah" Shay confirmed with a smile and a nod, lifted up to the bench a second later she watched as her father made a bottle, checking the temperature three times before he was satisfied it was just right. Shay held the bottle while Kelly carried both his daughters back to the lounge room, getting comfortable he helped the toddler hold the baby. Shay proudly showed off her ability to feed her little sister, holding the bottle at the correct angle and patting her little sister's back with her free hand.

"You're good at this" He encouraged, kissing Shay's head before leaning forward to get a better look at Ember, milk dribbling from the corners of her mouth.

"Mhmm, when you goed way I feeded Emmy all her bottles" Shay explained, pulling the teat from Ember's mouth for a second to make the baby swallow the milk she already had in her mouth.

"All of them?" He questioned, knowing it wasn't true but going along with it anyway.

"Yep" She nodded, frowning as Ember grasped for the bottle, trying to pull it further into her mouth.

"That's a big job" He accepted, wishing he had thought to grab a burp cloth, there was going to be milk everywhere by the time Ember finished. There would be less of a mess if he fed Ember but Shay wasn't doing badly and it was a good opportunity for the sisters to bond. He didn't know what the future held for his girls but he suspected it wouldn't all be precious moments like these.

"Big sister job but… I gots to do it" She replied, turning her head to look up at him for approval.

"You're a very good big sister Shay" He assured, kissing her plump cheek before placing his hand over hers on the bottle, returning the teat to Ember's mouth since it had popped out when Shay twisted around then helping the toddler hold the bottle steady.

"I know" Shay smiled, feeling confident again. "Please don't take Mama 'way 'gain but" She added when she realised the possible implication of her words. It was her job and she would always look after her baby sister but she didn't want to have to do it all the time, not without help.

"Mama and I aren't going away again anytime soon" Kelly assured gently, Shay sighed with relief, it would be an absolute disaster if her parents left while things were the way they were.

"Daddy…" Shay started, stopping as she wondered if it was a good question to ask.

"Yeah?" He nodded, urging her to continue.

"Will you play wif me?"

"Of course, when Emmy's done her bottle" He agreed without needing to think, Shay didn't like the cartoon on the television and he needed to keep her quiet so that Erin could get some sleep. He hoped she was alright without him, not that his presence had helped stop her tossing and turning most of the night.

"No… playgoop" Shay complained, planning further ahead than he expected.

"Oh, yeah I'll play with you at playgroup."

"Good 'cause Chasey not comin'" Shay informed, sadly but with an undertone of superiority he hadn't heard from her before.

"Did you ask him?" Kelly enquired, thinking Chase might have ventured to the kitchen while he was collecting Ember and changing her diaper.

"No… He naughty boy in hims room" She shook her head, she didn't want to associate with Chase if he was in trouble, then she might get in trouble too. Kelly thought for a moment then came up with a response, not that he would be able to justify it if the toddler asked.

"Chase isn't naughty Shay" He said flatly.

"Why him rooms then?" She demanded, just as he had expected.

"I don't know" He shrugged, shaking his head as he thought about the flow on effects Chase's mood was having on their entire family.

"I gonna ask 'im" Shay resolved, allowing her little sister to keep sucking rapidly, milk dribbling down Ember's chin and neck then dripping onto the arm that held her securely.

"I thought we were going to play, with your new Elsa" Kelly reminded, hoping it was enough to distract the toddler, tilting the bottle a little less extremely so that Ember had a chance to catch up. It would be frustrating if she remained hungry after the bottle, there was no more breast milk to be had unless it was directly from the source.

"Playgoop?" Shay asked, they had agreed to play together at playgroup, not now.

"We have time to play before getting ready for playgroup, you woke up early" He explained, Shay nodded her understanding and smiled a little as she looked back to Ember, looking forward to playing with her father all morning.

"Caity goed home" She announced a few moments later for no particular reason at all.

"Yeah Caity went home. Did you have a nice date?" He questioned, suspecting she was remembering the previous night.

"I not getted to kiss her" She complained, that was the only thing missing from an otherwise perfect date, a good meal and fun activities.

"Ah well, maybe some other time. Kissing isn't that important" He assured, pulling a face that she didn't get to see at the thought of her kissing anyone on a date at the age of two.

"You likes my kisses but" She reminded seriously, frowning up at him as she tried to work out if he'd been lying to her the entire time.

"I love your kisses baby girl, because I love you so much. You should only kiss people if you really love them" He justified, finishing by kissing the top of her head.

"Emmy kissie me" Shay concluded with a grin, it was often difficult to know if her little sister loved her back but if he was right Ember's kisses, no matter how slobbery, were evidence enough.

"That's because she loves you" He nodded, not sure he could smile any wider as Shay leaned down and kissed her little sister's head.

"I love you Dada" Shay added, letting him take the bottle then squirming out from under Ember so that she could stand on the couch next to her father, holding his face in her little hands before pressing a kiss to his cheek. He returned the sentiment then kissed her until she squealed and pulled away, light stubble tickling her skin. Kelly was sure that Shay saw him kiss Ember as well then sent the toddler off to see if there was a burp cloth in the diaper bag. Ember finished her bottle and he cleaned her up, changing her into a dry shirt from the diaper bag Shay had dragged to him instead of looking through. Dividing his attention between bouncing Ember in her bouncy chair and brushing Elsa's hair the way Shay ordered wasn't a bad way to spend a Thursday morning in his opinion.

Erin yawned as she sat up, giving up on sleeping as shrieks of laughter mixed with deeper chuckles, rising up the staircase and through the closed over door. They were clearly having a lot of fun and she'd rather play with them than mope in bed no matter how tired she felt. She used the bathroom, trying not to let her eyes linger on the dark shadows under her eyes as she passed the mirror, then pulled on her dressing gown and twisted her hair up into a messy bun. Stepping out the door as she tied the fluffy gown around herself she didn't see him until she was nearing the top of the stairs. "Hey" Erin greeted automatically, smiling despite having spent the night dreading this moment.

"Hey" Chase replied, returning her smile without hesitation. They stood in silence for a long moment, trying to read each other. Chase regretting every moment since they had returned on Sunday. Erin was trying to figure out what to say to him, there was no denying it, something had changed and the words didn't come easily any longer.

"You don't need to hide in your room all day…" She informed when she finally found what she had to say, her efforts to control her tone left her sounding completely disinterested though. There was nothing else to say and his hurt look made her angry so before she could say something thoughtless she didn't mean she turned away and made for the stairs.

"Mum?" Chase called after her, fully expecting her to stop. She didn't. He realised. "Mum I'm sorry!" He tried again, a note of desperation in his voice as he followed her with his eyes. She didn't look back, she didn't stop. Gritting his teeth until his jaw hurt he returned to his room, slamming the door because he honestly didn't care anymore. Erin made it the bottom step then sunk down, sitting there until she had composed herself. Shay fastening glittering snowflake hair clips in her husband's short hair was exactly what she needed to see when she finally decided to join them. And just like that the problem was pushed aside for another day.

* * *

They took the ice cream to playgroup, making sure Shay and Caitlin were hyped up before allowing them to run free, Kelly chasing after them to fulfil his promise to play. Erin waited until after Sharron had thanked her a dozen times and apologised for being late to bring up the headbands. Another apology followed the explanation that Sharron hadn't thought the meeting with Melita and her cronies was at all important the week Ember had been hospitalized. Erin had to forgive her for that and was quick to protest when Sharron tried to make up for it by telling her something special. The last thing she wanted was to hear were the kind of details Sharron had been fishing for on Monday. It turned out that all Sharron wanted was to inform her friend that the date night had been a great chance to discuss the future, and the possibility of adding to their family. Erin smiled and congratulated Sharron the way she was supposed to but couldn't help wondering if another baby was the right move for them when they hadn't even had time for each other until she had stepped in to organise it. It wasn't her place to comment though and the knowledge that Sharron had defended her at Melita's costume meeting made her feel like she owed her friend the benefit of the doubt. People had likely thought she was mad when they announced the second addition to their family not even three months after their wedding.

* * *

Erin knew things couldn't continue and on Friday night she felt thoroughly prepared to get everything out in the open with Chase, even though Russ hadn't yet returned her phone call. She had the girls in bed by the time Kelly and Chase arrived home and had practiced the conversation in her head over and over. "Chase, we need to talk" She informed seriously as he stepped through the front door, exactly as rehearsed.

"Can't tonight, I'm late" The young man fired back as he almost fell over in his rush to get his shoes off.

"For?" She demanded, moving to stand between him and the stairs.

"I can borrow the car right?" Chase questioned, ignoring her question entirely he shifted nervously as he tried to figure out a way past her.

"Chase…" Erin pleaded, tone betraying the cool exterior she had built.

"Not now!" Chase snapped, checking the phone he held in his hand for the time.

"Chase don't talk to your…" Kelly started, finishing short when he thought about the rest of that statement, exchanging an apologetic look with his wife. "Or you'll be walking!" He added in a yell when the young man pushed his way past Erin and ran up the stairs.

"Shh, the girls are asleep" Erin scolded sharply, glaring at her husband though she knew she was blaming him for something that wasn't his fault. This was not how the conversation had gone in her head.

"Sorry" He whispered, not sure what more he could say.

"Did he mention going out?" She questioned, turning to look up the stairs, the shower had barely started when it was turned off again, then doors opened and closed.

"No" He shook his head.

"Do you think he's just trying to avoid talking?" She asked. Chase wasn't stupid and if he wanted to get out of the house he could easily find somewhere else to be, pretending it was pre-planned.

"I don't know, what's for dinner?" Kelly asked, taking his wife around the waist as he tried to steer her toward the kitchen.

"Kelly I can't keep living like this!" She complained, shoving him away.

"I'll talk to him" He declared determinedly as he pushed past her and headed up the stairs himself.

"That's all I want to do…" Erin muttered to herself as she crossed her arms and waited. Kelly had clearly forgotten the girls again, knuckles rapping against Chase's bedroom door loudly enough that she could hear from downstairs. Chase didn't open the door in response but Kelly did, throwing it back against the wall. Not more than a few words were exchanged before Chase started down the hallway, shoes in hand. Giving up on getting any more dressed as he proceeded with his plan for a quick exit, otherwise he was definitely going to be late.

"At least tell us where you're going" Kelly requested as he followed the young man down the stairs, tempted to grab him by the collar and force him to stop.

"I'm just going out" Chase explained, trying to get them both to relax, he was an adult, he had every right to go out on a Friday night.

"Dressed like that?" Erin demanded, gesturing to the formal attire he had changed into so rapidly. The same thing he had worn to Nadia's graduation, except he still held his shoes and his tie hung undone around his neck.

"Yeah… I'll be back late. Don't wait up" He finished as he grabbed the car keys from the hook and rushed through the door. Erin and Kelly both wanted to go after him but neither moved, standing side by side at the bottom of the stairs.

* * *

Four and a half hours later Erin sat on the bottom step, dressed in her pyjamas and dressing gown, hands tucked in under her arms to keep them warm. She had tried to have a normal night with her husband, eating dinner with him, watching television with him and then going to bed with him. Kelly didn't seem nearly as worried as she was, maybe because he had spent more than five minutes with Chase since the weekend. Sleep hadn't come so when her husband had started snoring she had crept downstairs to wait. Sitting in the dark, engulfed by silence, mind screaming that she needed to do something before her son slipped away for good. She had left it too long, she had let him go without putting up a fight. And now she desperately needed him back, heart feeling just as empty as their home did without him. It was nearing midnight, she could just see the hands of her watch in beam of light streaming through the door; because of course she had left the porch light on for him. Yet she had no intention of returning to bed, not without knowing he was home safe. In all the time she had spent waiting one question had been circling in her mind: When did he become mine? In eight months she had somehow developed such a strong maternal bond with him that their relationship didn't differ from those of her biological children. As far as she was concerned Chase was and always would be her son, just as Shay and Ember were her daughters, the love indistinguishable. He had told her not to do this, wait up for him, but blaming herself for letting him down – for causing this – she couldn't not.

"Mum?" Chase asked softly, one hand on her upper arm, leaning over her with a look of concern on his face.

"You're home" She sighed as she looked up, not sure when her head had grown so heavy in her hands that she'd slumped forward.

"What are you doing? Go to bed" He hissed, helping her to her feet, steadying her when stiff legs threatened to give way.

"It's my job to tell you that" She argued in a whisper, looking at him seriously, eyes well adjusted to the dim.

"Mum" He shook his head, wondering if she was awake enough to make it up the stairs yet.

"Shh" Erin replied as she took his hand. She dragged him through to the kitchen and flicked on the light, squinting against the glare to stop her eyes watering as she filled the kettle and turned it on the boil.

"What are you doing?" He questioned softly, wondering if the lack of sleep and sudden awakening had confused her.

"Hot chocolate, it'll help you sleep" She answered as if it were obvious, finding mugs and sachets in the cupboards.

"Mmm" He accepted, he had planned on lying in bed with his headphones in until he'd drowned out everything going on in his head. Hot chocolate sounded better though, especially if his mum made it, the thought of sipping something that spread that warm feeling through his body made him feel more relaxed already.

"There you go, don't burn your tongue" She smiled as she handed him the steaming mug.

"I told you not to wait up… I'd have been home hours ago if I knew you were waiting" He reasoned as he followed her through to the lounge room, it was the first time he had ever seen the floor lamp in use, finally learning what the second switch down operated.

"Where were you?" She asked once he'd settled beside her on the couch.

"I had dinner with my mother" He informed coldly, wishing he hadn't.

"Oh" She accepted, she very rarely considered the other woman, his actual mother. He never seemed to mention her so it wasn't entirely her fault.

"We do it every year, to remember my dad. He died fourteen years ago today, well yesterday, but we didn't find out until today" He explained freely.

"Happy birthday" She acknowledged unenthusiastically, understanding at last.

"Yeah" He snorted, the way she said it captured his feelings perfectly.

"I'm so sorry" She added, massaging the back of his neck with her free hand, thumb working in the same direction as the soft, dirty blond, curl beneath it.

"Since then my birthday has always been about remembering him. I've done some stupid stuff on this day… drugs… hurting Kiera… I've changed but for one week each year I remember it like it was yesterday, I think it's some sort of punishment… for everything" He continued to explain, breathing the last two words in a frustrated sigh.

"For your dad's death?" She questioned, not trying to sound like she was analysing his feelings.

"I don't know. She blames me, my mum, my mother… For life being so tough after Dad died. You see he didn't have a proper will so the state put all his money away for me, until I turned eighteen, she filed a petition but they never let her access it… We had to move house, she hated that… she hated me. That changed when I got access to the money, she wanted it so bad but I wouldn't give it to her… I spent it starting college, I felt guilty though, so I bought fake ID, started drinking, then doing drugs… a little gambling… before I knew it the money was all gone. That's when I asked her for help… I knew I had a problem… but she didn't want to pay for me to go to rehab… not a worthwhile investment in her opinion… It just happened to be that day. I got pissed, high… That's when the thing with Kiera happened… I didn't mean to hurt her… I don't even remember how I did it… I don't remember hurting those cops… But I remember your delightful dad, Voight, punched him square in the jaw, he sent me flying. Locked me up…not in a cell, this weird…" He stopped, not sure what the word was.

"Cage" She supplied, she could picture it clearly, she'd seen Hank do it so many times, she'd closed that door herself and she'd been on the other side of it more than once as well.

"Yeah. He recognised my name somehow, called my uncle… He paid for my rehab. I lived with my mum for a bit after that… Uncle Russell told me to pick an academy and he'd make it happen… I didn't want to be a cop – What if someone remembered me? – So I started firefighting. Really applied myself and I did well, it was good. It has been good. Except for this week every year where I let myself wonder what it would have been like if Dad hadn't've died… I remember it all and I… I was so stupid… I regret it all… it just fills me up, all the regret… And then my mother demands my presence for dinner. We don't even see each other for Christmas… My birthday hasn't been about me since I was eight… To remember my dad. I hate it" He finished, feeling so much lighter, he had never told anyone so much before, never dared be so open.

"So why do you go?" She questioned after giving him a moment to breathe.

"She's my mother" He provided with a shrug.

"I used to say that about mine, despite all the shitty stuff she'd done she was still my mother, surely that meant I owed her right? Wrong…You don't owe her anything Chase" Erin assured, extending her arm to hold his far shoulder, pulling him into an open sideways hug.

"Maybe I won't go next year… Maybe I'll have a party instead… A birthday party" He suggested boldly, feeling suddenly optimistic, he hadn't had a birthday party since he was eight but it had been so much fun. He would love to have that opportunity with all his new friends and most importantly with his family, his real family.

"I think that could be arranged" Erin laughed, taking his empty mug and placing it alongside hers on the coffee table so she could hug him properly. Even though he was so much bigger than her she still managed to get her arms all the way around him, holding him tightly, safely and securely.

"Mum, you're the best mum in the world… thank you" He concluded, hugging her back with everything he had.

"You don't need to thank me" She assured, releasing him. He held her for another moment then let her go as well.

"For listening though… I know it's late" He yawned, feeling as if he hadn't slept in years.

"Shh, that's my job" She reminded softly, pulling his head down to rest on her shoulder, palm resting against his cheek. Slowly she moved her hand up into his hair, massaging his scalp until he relaxed against her completely.

"I love you" He sighed some time later.

"I love you too son, now go to bed!" She ordered, pressing a kiss to his hair because she was his mum and she could.

"Yes mum!" He accepted, sitting up straight then nodding eagerly as he offered a hand to help her up. "I'll take those, you head up" He smiled, taking the mugs from her before following her up the stairs. Ready for the best night of sleep he had had all week.

**I got out everything I wanted but I'm not sure if feels right… I hate that awkward single paragraph chunk in the middle but I needed to explain why Sharron didn't tell Erin about the meeting. It was really nice to finally share more about Chase's history with you all! I've known all this since I introduced him but couldn't find the right time to explain it in detail. I hope you like him and understand him a little better now. **


	168. Chapter 168

"Ugh" Erin groaned as the loud noise neared, not awake enough to discern what it was except that it came in bursts, sharp at first then softening into a momentary lull before returning even louder than before.

"Sorry" Kelly whispered as his fingers started on the buttons of her pyjama shirt, she rolled away but he leaned over and continued, quick fingers exposing her breast. Then he lowered the wailing baby down, tucking Ember in along his wife's front. Ember didn't need any help from there, aligning her mouth before her cries were replaced by loud sucking.

"Uh…" Erin acknowledged groggily, not even opening her eyes as she moved her heavy arm to support the baby.

"Sorry" He repeated, not sure if he should back away and leave them in peace or if he should keep an eye on Ember since his wife appeared to be deeply asleep once again. The fact that she had slept through Ember's noise in the first place was quite surprising.

"Babe you gotta take the kids skating" She mumbled, face contorting into the expression she usually gave prior to a sneeze as she tried, but failed, to open her eyes.

"What time did he get in?" He asked softly, sitting down beside her before placing his hand along the side of her face. Accepting what she had said before continuing with his own line of questioning, Shay and Chase were still asleep so he could hardly wake them off and drag them to the rink that instant. He had known what she was doing when he'd woken in the night to find her side of the bed unoccupied, now he just needed to know how much sleep she had lost so he could plan the rest of their day.

"Midnight" She supplied weakly, still teetering on the edge of consciousness.

"And it's all sorted now?" He enquired, tucking the blankets around her shoulders as he realised he should stop questioning and let her sleep.

"Mhmm" She nodded, snuggling down into her pillow as she sighed, deciding not to answer any more questions.

"Sleep well babe" He smiled, shifting his weight forward to lean down and kiss her cheek, patting her thigh before getting up and heading for the door. He found Shay playing hide and seek with Roary in bed and took them downstairs for breakfast, enjoying making voices for the tattered stuffed lion as Shay growled her way through a bowl of cereal. Then she scribbled a birthday card for her brother and dragged her father upstairs to deliver it. Despite not having much it was the best sleep Chase had had all week and being woken by Shay, who had clearly forgiven and forgotten, was the perfect way to start his birthday. When Shay announced they were going ice skating as well he couldn't stop himself from crushing his little sister in a hug with his dad, thrilled that everything was finally back to normal. Kelly slapped his son on the back then tasked him with getting Shay ready, leaving to check on his wife and baby daughter and get dressed himself. Erin was snoring, Ember snuffling and suckling but very close to joining her mother in slumber. As happy as he would be to watch them all day laughter echoing down the hall made him eager to leave before they were disturbed.

* * *

Erin woke with a start at the sound of her phone vibrating violently on the bedside table, frustratingly the sound ceased the moment she was fully alert. Before she moved to reach the device she looked down at Ember, sucking lazily, eyes half closed, the corners of her mouth upturned in a drunken smile, clearly enjoying herself. "Piglet" Erin informed as she rolled and shifted, keeping Ember cradled in her arm as she stretched for the phone, which had started vibrating again. She had received two messages from Kim Burgess. The first one confirming that they were still meeting for brunch, the second questioning the location since they hadn't decided on Sunday. It had completely slipped Erin's mind and despite having only been awake for a moment it interfered with the plans she had made for the morning. The birthday party she desperately wanted to give Chase would have to wait. She sent a reply telling Kim to choose then had a quick shower and got dressed while awaiting a response. Hating that it was such short notice she wasn't surprised when Hank said he couldn't possibly take Ember for the morning. Kelly and Chase weren't answering their phones, and even if they had they wouldn't have made it home in time. So Erin had to move to plan B, dialling a number she hadn't called in months.

"Erin? Hi" Cindy answered after a few rings.

"Cindy, how are you?" Erin started with a smile, wanting to ease her way into a friendly conversation before asking for something.

"Great thanks, how are you?" Cindy returned, stopping what she was doing and waving away her kids so she could focus on the unexpected call.

"I'm good… but I need to ask a favour?" She cringed, knowing it was too soon, she should have commented on the weather, not that she'd even looked out the window yet.

"Okay" Cindy encouraged.

"Is there any way you could look after Emmy for the morning?" She presented, knowing she sounded desperate.

"Ember? Yeah of course!" Cindy agreed instantly, she had never looked after the youngest Severide before but was more than happy to spend her morning with a tiny baby, reminiscing while her rowdy crew were ferried around to sports matches by their father.

"Are you sure?" Erin questioned, stunned that it was that simple.

"Definitely, how old is she now?" Cindy asked, picturing the infant the last time she had seen her, surely she had grown since but Ember still beat a grumpy almost four year old.

"Three months" She smiled, looking down at the baby, dressed simply in a stretchy cotton coverall with pale purple and lime green stripes.

"Aww! That's gone quickly, I bet she's so much bigger" Cindy fussed, excitement growing as she wondered if Ember still had that new baby smell she loved more than any other scent in the world.

"You'll soon see. If I leave now would you…" Erin began, hoping she didn't seem pushy or ungrateful.

"I'll be waiting" Cindy agreed.

"Thank you so much" She smiled, tickling Ember's belly.

"Just bring me the little cutie" Cindy requested seriously, dismissing the thanks since it was hardly a job, she'd call and ask to look after other people's little ones if she wasn't always busy.

"Yes Ma'am" She nodded sharply, making Ember giggle, before hanging up and lifting the baby. They were out the door five minutes later and out the front of the Herrmann's twenty minutes after that. "Now I didn't pack any milk for her but she's eaten so much this morning she shouldn't need to eat for a week" Erin explained as she handed over the diaper bag, keeping the car seat and sleeping baby as separation anxiety hit. Surely Kim would understand if she called and said Ember wasn't well, then she wouldn't have to leave her baby at all, even with someone she trusted infinitely.

"Really?" Cindy smiled, after placing the diaper bag down on top of the side table, bending to look closer at the baby as she spoke.

"I fell asleep feeding her and she went a bit crazy, little piglet" She nodded, frowning as Cindy tried to smooth the wrinkles in Ember's outfit, only to find that they were fat rolls.

"She looks so much like Shay! We'll be fine, have a nice morning" Cindy assured rapidly, starting off stroking Ember's cheek then taking the car seat handle and tugging until Erin released it. Erin's frown remained for a second but then her phone buzzed in her back pocket and she gave in.

"I'll be back by eleven thirty… thanks again" She added, kissing her fingers before pressing them to Ember's chubby cheek in a silent goodbye.

"Ta-ta Mama" Cindy supplied, waving Ember's hand from the front door as Erin made her way down the path. She stopped and waved at the gate then didn't turn back as she climbed into the car, pulling out her phone while still parked. She was late and still had a fifteen minute drive so she let Kim know she was on her way.

"Hey, sorry I'm late" Erin greeted, sliding into the seat opposite Kim, trying not to appear out of breath after running all the way from the nearest parking space she could find, two and a half blocks away, all the while thinking about how much later she was going to be.

"You're a busy mum so I'll forgive you this time" Kim shrugged, taking a sip of her half empty coffee.

"Thanks, I owe you one?" She questioned, looking to the mug of coffee, if she bought her friend's next hot beverage the time she had been absent would be negated.

"No I'm good. Anyway, how are you?" Kim ploughed ahead, dismissing the idea completely.

"I'm fine, tired but I'm used to that by now so no complaints" She smiled, late nights were part of being a parent, she had foolishly thought it was a part of infancy soon left behind, unfortunately Chase allowed her to look ahead. There would be many nights spent waiting on the stairs in years to come.

"The weather's getting better…" Kim commented, losing momentum now that the conversation had actually started.

"Yeah" She nodded, taking her first look at the sky all morning, clear, blue, beautiful.

"I mean I know I live in Chicago but winter is a bitch" Kim informed shaking her head at the injustice.

"Not going to argue with you on that one… I grew up on the streets, I know just how much of a bitch Chicago can be in winter…" Erin assessed dryly, waving over the waitress and requesting a cup of tea before Kim could reply.

"Erin, I'm really sorry… I didn't think" Kim said the moment the waitress was out of earshot, feeling like she had already ruined their brunch.

"No I'm sorry, I just hate small talk" She returned, wishing she had kept her mouth shut, apparently being tired stopped her brain filtering what she said.

"Right, and I did want to talk to you…" Kim acknowledged.

"That's why I'm here. If it's about wedding planning though I have no clue; I borrowed magazines from Gabby Dawson and hired a planner…" Erin felt the need to clarify.

"It's not about the wedding."

"So what is it about?" She pressed when Kim didn't continue, looking around as if she were about to reveal a secret.

"I don't want you to feel like I'm dumping my problems on you… but I couldn't really think of anyone else to talk to about it and… Adam's been great but I just need to talk to someone and you're a mum so…" Kim stopped, not sure what to say next.

"Just tell me" Erin requested, the second last word reminded her of her suspicions from the previous weekend; Kim was pregnant. She had been so busy she had completely forgotten the basis of their meeting, the unspoken one.

"See you won't judge me… or if you do at least I'll know about it, you won't go gossiping behind my back. You'll tell it like it is… no messing around" The younger woman blurted, saying everything that came to mind in an attempt to avoid saying whatever it was.

"Kim."

"Sorry, I just haven't told anyone… I don't actually know how to say it…" Kim frowned, looking deeply into her coffee for the longest time.

"Just say it, please" Erin practically begged, she understood that it was a difficult announcement to make, having done it more than once. There were typically a lot of questions that followed but first came congratulations.

"I uh… I um… had a, a miscarriage" Kim managed at last, looking more nervous than any suspect Erin had ever sat across the table from.

"Shit" Erin swore immediately, quite loudly too, there was the lack of a mental filter again. "Sorry. I am so sorry. That's…awful… I'm sorry" She didn't know what to say but the more she processed the situation the more her heart broke for the woman across the table. Someone she had never considered herself close to, their circumstances had never permitted a close friendship, yet here Kim was disclosing something highly personal.

"It's not as if it was your fault" Kim assured, taking Erin's hand to calm the older woman.

"It wasn't your fault…" She began before stopping, hoping her eyes weren't betraying what she was thinking. If Kim was working and something had happened…

"No, I wasn't working at the time. It just happened. The doctor said there was probably something wrong with it" Kim explained with a knowing look.

"It's still got to be hard… It's okay to be sad…" Erin comforted, though she couldn't make eye contact, not when she knew how transparent she was being.

"Yeah… Yeah and I was… I am. But it's almost been a good thing… That makes me sound like a terrible person doesn't it? I mean after… that's when Adam proposed, he was so mature about it… I've never seen him that upset but he was so adamant that it wasn't my fault… he just kept saying it… That he loved me and wanted to spend forever with me… Nothing about it or having kids, just me… He said nothing would make him happier than me, just me. And after seeing him so sad, I couldn't say no" Kim shared in her own time.

"You are not a terrible person" Erin provided, feeling completely left behind, she hadn't thrown herself out of bed an hour ago expecting to have to face something quite so serious.

"It wasn't planned. I only found out two days before I lost it… I was so scared, and I didn't know if I could do it. I didn't really want it…"

"That has nothing to do with…" Erin cut her off, pulling her hand out from under Kim's so she could be the one giving a comforting squeeze.

"I know but it's made me think. I do want kids! I don't want to wait until everything's perfect, stable, because that might never happen… if we're sensible we could afford a bigger place and it would always be loved – that's important right?" Kim questioned, she hadn't even stopped to breathe, suddenly wide eyed and enthusiastic.

"Yeah" She nodded, swallowing hard as she struggled not to cry, she had no idea how Kim could be remaining so collected. Her perfect and stable had come from having kids, even beginning to imagine what Kim had been through was enough to devastate her.

"So after the wedding we're going to start trying, properly, and I wanted to ask if you were still planning on coming back to Intelligence" Kim paused, it wasn't technically a question though her rising inflection made it one.

"Yeah, when Emmy's six months old" She replied, thinking of her baby, how much she wanted to hug her, only made her feel worse for Kim.

"And we've decided on a Fall wedding so that lines up… you can have your spot back and I'll… well hopefully I'll get pregnant. I have three months of paid leave saved up… I know it might take longer than that but it's a start…"

"Yeah" She offered in the pause, it was a neutral statement, indicating that she was still listening.

"Sorry, I've been doing all the talking. I'll stop now" Kim realised, looking expectantly at her companion.

"No, yeah… I mean it's a lot to take in but it seems like you've thought about it" Erin started, gaining confidence the more she spoke, though she had a feeling she was giving very generic responses.

"Nonstop for the last two weeks" Kim nodded.

"And it's good to have a plan…" She continued.

"But don't get bogged down in planning and forget to live…" Kim supplied, having thought the same thing when Adam asked if they could have a dog named Spot.

"Yeah" Erin fell back to, wanting to hit herself for the lack of response she was giving.

"Sorry, I'm doing it again" Kim groaned, placing her fingers over her mouth she communicated with her eyes that she wanted Erin to speak.

"I don't know what to say…" She answered truthfully.

"The truth. Do you think I'm crazy? Do you think I could be a mum? Like a good one. Because until I found out I hadn't really thought about it… not anytime soon anyway, it was always a few years away…" Kim finished, barely catching herself before deviating further from the questions she had asked.

"That's not something I can tell you. I don't think you're crazy… I just think it might be a little fast – getting married and then trying for a baby straight away… but who am I to talk? Shay only came about because of a one off when I needed someone and he was there… Ember was conceived on our honeymoon… I'm hardly a model parent… or wife" Erin answered slowly, cautiously, thoughtfully.

"You needed someone?" Kim questioned, she had seen Detective Lindsay in action and Erin as a mother wasn't that different, it was hard to believe that either ever needed someone.

"Yeah, as hard as it is to believe I'm actually human" Erin sighed, thinking again about how lucky she had been.

"Something happened at work?" Kim suggested knowingly, that was the only situation she could think of, even then it was hard to know how Erin had ended up in bed with the fireman instead of her partner; there had always been an obvious bond between the pair.

"The hospital bombing" She replied, thinking that day through yet again. Kim had been there, busy hoping and praying that her niece would survive.

"Oh, I didn't realise" Kim accepted, if she had gone home instead of spending the night watching and waiting with her older sister she would have wanted someone as well. The thought of being alone after that day, even years later, was troubling.

"Yep" Erin nodded, changing her go to response slightly for herself as much as for Kim.

"And you got pregnant?" Kim enquired, though that had been implied.

"Mhmm. And Shay, Kelly, Em, Chase… they're the best things to happen to me since Hank took me in" She answered seriously, thinking about each person individually and then what they made as a whole, a family. Her family.

"I know Adam will make a great dad… I know he's a big kid a lot of the time but he's a really great person and he can be serious" Kim volunteered, it was clear she was picturing her fiancé with a child, likely playing and smiling.

"Good, be happy with him… let nature decide, don't try to force it. And you know that I can talk to Hank and we can both work Intelligence. Just because I'm coming back doesn't mean you'll be out of a job" She offered, wondering if she was urging a slow approach because that was what she wanted, she didn't want another baby anytime soon and the thought of losing one, while it had crossed her mind during both pregnancies, had never really seemed real until that moment. She already had two happy healthy children though, Kim deserved that chance.

"I really want this though" Kim replied determinedly.

"Okay, and if it's still what you want after the wedding then do it!" Erin urged.

"I'm so glad I told you" Kim sighed, feeling so much better now that she'd spoken about it with someone she trusted.

"I'm glad you thought of me… I'm always here if you want to talk" She reminded with a soft smile, not that she was sure she wanted the sick feeling that accompanied such a disclosure ever again.

"Thanks" Kim smiled back.

"It's no problem" She dismissed, keeping her mind firmly on task, dangerous things could happen if she let it wander.

"I should let you get back to your family…"

"We haven't even eaten yet... Kim, seeing you with Emmy last week – I'm sorry I did that to you so soon after – but you were a natural. You'll make a great mum one day" She felt the need to say, confident it was the truth.

"One day" Kim agreed.

"And I'll be happy to help out when that day comes. Just please don't ask me to help with the wedding – I've done enough wedding planning to last a lifetime" She rephrased, making it very clear she wanted no role in organising the wedding,

"That's the point I think" Kim laughed softly, a genuine laugh. They ordered and continued to talk as they ate, opening up slowly until they felt they really knew each other. Erin still didn't feel quite right, not sure she had said the right things at the right times, or that she would ever be able to think about pregnancy without thinking of loss ever again. It was certainly a lesson in life.

**Okay so this one was hard to write for many reasons. First off I'm on prac again so I'm very busy and have very little time to write – well I have time to write but not so much to type it up. Secondly no one seemed too interested in the addition of a Burzek storyline… I went with my gut and wrote it anyway. Lastly miscarriage is a sensitive topic, not one I have firsthand experience with (though I did discuss it with my mother extensively), so I was hesitant to include it. As much as this is a story categorized as Family/Drama I don't ever want it to seem like a soap opera… I insert drama/obstacles where I feel realistic. Sorry to make you wait, I will update as frequently as I can but I can't make promises as to when – I can tell you that the next chapter will be lighter though :D**


	169. Chapter 169

"Straight upstairs and wash your hands please" Erin requested, holding the door open as her family arrived home. Immediately noticing the brand new Blackhawk's jerseys worn by Shay and Chase, tags hanging out the back of the neck hole, several sizes too big on both of them and predominantly black.

"Yes Mama" Shay acknowledged, kicking off her shoes before starting up the stairs at a run.

"Yes Mum" Chase replied, tripping over his own foot as he tried to keep up with Shay, taking the steps three at a time before scooping the toddler up and tossing her into the air. Shay screamed in delight when Chase caught her and slung her around his shoulders in a traditional fireman's carry.

"Morning babe" Kelly greeted as he stepped through the door, carrying Ember in her car seat out in front of himself, bag straps crisscrossing his chest as he brought the diaper bag and skate bag in at the same time.

"Hey" Erin smiled, taking the car seat and turning it to get a look at their sleeping daughter. "How was she?"

"Cindy said she was no trouble at all, she was a little disappointed she slept the entire time, 'cause she's forgotten what that's like, and she'll take her again whenever you want" He relayed as he took off the bags and put them away.

"Good" She sighed, relieved that Ember wouldn't even know they had been separated. "How was your morning? I saw the new jerseys" She commented as the laughter upstairs peaked, unable to stop herself smiling at the happy sound.

"It's his birthday… and he forgot his jacket" Kelly justified, waiting for a disapproving look.

"Shay's looks huge" She laughed instead, the jersey had come down to the toddler's knees and the sleeves had been rolled to half their original length. If Chase didn't roll them further or push them up past her elbows it was likely they would be damp when they came back downstairs after washing their hands.

"It was the smallest size they had, she'll grow into it… eventually… end of season clearance sale at the rink shop" He explained, feeling it was important that she know he hadn't paid full price for something that likely wouldn't fit Shay properly until she was school aged and eligible to play.

"It's fine" She assured, placing the car seat on the floor before moving until her chest met his, taking some of his jacket in each hand so she could part the extra layer of fabric and rest her cheek against his t-shirt.

"You okay?" He questioned gently, wrapping his arms around her.

"Yeah. Thank you" She nodded, pulling him even closer for a moment then releasing him and stepping back out of his hold. "You should head up and wash your hands too" She instructed, giving him a tired smile.

"Are you cooking?" He asked, noting the distinct smell in the air.

"Yeah, birthday lunch" She nodded, blinking a few times to clear her head before pointing up the stairs.

"Smells like pizza" He informed, looking past her as he wondered why he couldn't wash his hands in the kitchen.

"You'll have to wait and see, go wash your hands and tell the kids to hurry up" She urged, pushing him towards the stairs.

"Okay" He accepted, taking the first step before turning back to look at her. "Do you want me to take her?"

"No" She shook her head, pointing again and frowning until he continued on up and out of sight. "This little piggy is due for some Mama snuggles" She told Ember as she unbuckled the sleeping baby and lifted her from the car seat, tucking it away before making her way to the kitchen. With Ember cradled in one arm she checked the oven and turned it off, leaving the contents until she had set the table, with real plates, cutlery and glasses for all four of them. Chase's favourite juice, a blend of fruits and vegetables with a hint of ginger, and his two favourite types of salad, green leafy with a balsamic dressing and a pesto pasta salad with big black olives, sat waiting in the middle. Erin looked over the table as she stepped back, it looked fit for a special occasion, which was exactly what she wanted.

"OoOoh!" Shay offered as she entered the dining room, stopping suddenly as she looked around, eyes drawn to the red balloons bobbing about on the ceiling rather than the table.

"Watch out" Chase warned as he nearly walked into the toddler, never more than a few steps behind her, taking her by the shoulders to steer her aside before looking up. "Oh! Wow" He gasped, smiling for a second then schooling his expression as he looked to Erin.

"Happy birthday" She informed gently, nodding encouragingly as his smile returned. For a moment he had doubted himself enough to speculate that there must have been something else going on that he had forgotten, it was so unexpected that his birthday be recognised.

"Thank you" He beamed, lifting Shay up and tickling her to share his joy.

"Could you grab Emmy's chair?" Erin asked once he'd had his fun with Shay, setting her down on her chair and instructing her to sit nicely.

"Sure" He nodded, taking a long look around the room before starting down the hall, skipping, he collided with Kelly but masked it as a hug then continued, leaving the older man wondering what was going on. Kelly didn't need to wonder for long, laughing softly as he admired the effort his wife had gone to in the dining room.

"Looks amazing babe" Kelly complimented as he stepped into the kitchen. Erin looked up but remained focused on what she was doing, arranging the pillowy looking golden brown creations on a serving plate, not sure if he was referring to the food or the dining room. "Smells good too" He added, mouth watering as he tried to work out where the pizza smell originated.

"Could you?" She requested, stepping back when she was satisfied and gesturing to the plate, she didn't want to risk carrying it and Ember at the same time.

"Course" He nodded, taking the plate and leading the way back through to the dining room.

"… wait for Mum and Dad" Chase was telling Shay when they arrived, both valuing the affectionate titles more than ever before.

"Almost ready" Erin agreed, taking the bouncy chair from Chase while Kelly put the food down. Once Ember was settled in her chair on the clear half of the table Erin sat down and used her eyes to indicate that Shay do the same, the toddler standing on her chair and leaning across the table, eager to eat. "Alright, it's nothing fancy. Happy birthday Chase" She summarised once everyone was seated.

"Birfday!" Shay contributed, on her feet again.

"Thank you" Chase returned as he sat Shay down again, handing her a fork to keep her hands occupied until he had a chance to serve her food.

"Happy birthday Ace" Kelly added before he was left out.

"I found the recipe online, they're pizza pockets, the ones with the E on top are mine..." Erin explained as she placed one on each of their plates.

"What's the difference?" Kelly questioned, cutting into his to assess the filling, gooey cheese, bacon cubes, diced tomato, a herb and tomato sauce, chopped mushroom and mini pepperoni all contained in a crust the perfect thickness to be both crunchy and doughy.

"Cheese" Erin explained, having treated herself to a block of lactose free cheese since it was such an integral component of the pizza experience.

"Ah" He nodded, accepting her response as he waved his fork to fan the steam rising from the cut he had made.

"Can you cut hers?" She asked Chase pointing to Shay's food.

"Sure" He agreed, sliding the toddler's plate across the table so that it was at a better angle for cutting. "It's hot" He informed, pulling his hand away, having tried to steady it with fingertip.

"Don't burn yourself… too late?" She began to warn then questioned in concern.

"No it's fine" He assured, picking up his fork and using it instead, he probably should have thought to use the implement from the beginning. Finishing the task and sliding the plate back into place.

"Okay, forget food for a second" Erin requested as she stood up, leaning across the table to pull Shay's plate away from the toddler, fork forgotten as she reached for the steaming food.

"I hungry but Mama" Shay whined instantly.

"I know, but they're too hot to eat, I should have taken them out earlier… Anyway, come with me" She instructed the toddler, leaving her chair to move around the table, making eye contact with both men as she went.

"Why?" Shay demanded, though she had climbed down off her chair and was making her way to the end of the table.

"We'll be back in a sec" Erin informed as she lifted the toddler to her hip, leaving the room before Kelly or Chase could say anything. On the bench in the laundry sat three packages, wrapped neatly in red and blue spotted paper.

"Presents!" Shay announced loudly as soon as she saw them.

"Shh" She suggested though it was likely already too late. "Presents for Chase."

"Oooh" Shay smiled, rubbing her hands together as she was put down.

"You take this one for me" She instructed, handing the toddler the middle sized package before taking the other two herself.

"Give to Chasey?" Shay questioned as she played with the present she held, flexing the paper as far as she could to try and work out what was inside.

"Yeah" Erin nodded, closing the laundry door before following the toddler, who had skipped ahead in her excitement. By the time Erin caught up Shay had thrust the present into her brother's hands and climbed up onto his lap.

"Open! Open!" Shay commanded, though it was impossible for Chase to comply with her wriggling on his lap.

"Okay, sit still" Chase replied, sounding just as excited, containing his little sister with an arm around her waist so that he could open his present with one hand. He had no patience for peeling away the sticky tape carefully, simply tearing the paper to get at the contents. A shirt. Unfolding the navy blue t-shirt before turning it around to see the front. 'World's Best Big Brother' written in green, wobbly, child-like letters below two brown cartoon owls, the bigger one with its wing around the smaller one.

"Read me" Shay requested as she stood up to run her fingers over the letters.

"It says world's best big brother" Chase answered.

"Best big brother! That you Chasey" Shay informed, turning to give him a hug before tugging the shirt from his hand and hanging it over his head.

"Thank you princess" He laughed, pulling the shirt from his head and folding it carefully before placing it next to his plate. "Why don't you go sit on your chair like a big girl now?"

"Umkay" Shay accepted though if anyone else had made the suggestion she would have flat out refused to budge. From her own seat Shay watched as he opened his next present, a packet of his favourite biscuits along with a block of his favourite chocolate and a bag of the pretzels he always professed his love for. Erin hadn't been sure it was a very good birthday present but the smile on his face made her reconsider, the fact that she knew all his favourite foods meant a lot him. He was more careful opening his last present, savouring the moment. It was a photo frame, again featuring cartoon owls, this time perched on the tops of the letters along the bottom, forming the words 'My Family'. Already in place was their family portrait, four toothy grins and one gummy one, radiating happiness.

"I thought you might like to might like to put it in your room…" Erin suggested as Chase carefully placed the photo frame at the bottom of Ember's chair.

"Yeah, thank you" He nodded, waking up to that picture every morning would remind him just how lucky he was, starting each day in the best possible way. "Seriously. Thank you" He added, not feeling that he'd successfully conveyed what he was feeling.

"We eats now?" Shay interjected before Erin could brush off the thanks.

"Yes, let's eat. Make sure you leave room for cake though" She recommended.

"Cake?!" Shay squeaked, making sure she had heard her mother correctly.

"Mhmm, presents and cake. That's how we do birthday's isn't it Shay?" Erin questioned as if the toddler were in charge of celebrations.

"Yeah" The toddler nodded, smiling at her brother before stuffing a handful of pasta salad in her mouth, abandoning the full sized fork before she had even used it. They ate in silence for the most part, Chase and Kelly both commented on how good the food was while Shay tried convince her mother that she would need more cake than her father and brother because she had skated faster than them. Kelly offered to clear away the dishes but Erin needed to go to the kitchen to get the cake ready anyway so she asked him to look after Ember instead. Chase was holding the baby when Erin returned with the cake though, twenty-three candles flickering as she set the cake down before him. While it wasn't anything magnificent, a standard bakery birthday cake, it still had a personal touch. 'Happy Birthday Chase' and a little red fire truck iced on top, neat and precise, exactly what Erin had asked for. They sang, he blew out the candles, struggling to think of a wish when he had everything he wanted, and then they ate cake; Spongy, sugary goodness that provided an abundance of energy, enough to get them all through the early afternoon. Playing together with the dozen red helium balloons, even Ember joined in, bouncing wildly in her bouncy chair as she tried to reach the balloon they had tied to the safety harness, it took just under an hour for her to work out the red orb grew closer when she tugged the string. Shay didn't have nearly as much patience, a tantrum sparked by a balloon popping turned into a timeout and then her afternoon nap as she finally collapsed.

"She's in bed" Chase sighed as he dropped down to the couch with a sigh, having carried his little sister upstairs and tucked her into bed.

"Thanks" Erin acknowledged, sitting Ember up to burp her, the baby had not long settled into a steady rhythm, still full from her extended morning feed.

"Thank you, for all this" Chase replied a moment later motioning to the balloons bobbing about on the ceiling.

"It's your birthday. We'll still have your big dream party next year, I just didn't want to wait until then to celebrate. You can close the door on all that stuff right now" She advised wisely, knowing it was very much easier to say then do.

"I owe you both an apology" He started, knowing that to move on he had to take back what he had said in the car. "I should never have said…"

"It's in the past" Kelly contributed before Chase could say anything more.

"I should let it go?" Chase questioned, only thinking of the song with those words once he had finished speaking.

"Yes, Elsa's right, you just have to let it go, we have" Erin agreed, speaking for both of them even though she wasn't sure how her husband felt. He had been in the car, the target of Chase's outburst, while she had only heard about it, she wasn't sure that had made it hurt any less though it might make it easier to forgive.

"Thank you" Chase accepted, wondering if he would ever have seen Frozen if not for his little sister.

"Alright, since you're so desperate, get over here" Kelly said in a feigned grumble, shifting across before patting the couch between himself and his wife, smiling at the young man. Chase got up and took the place, feeling safe and loved when they both wrapped arms around him in a hug.


	170. Chapter 170

"What's going on in there?" Kelly questioned softly, opening his eyes and meeting his wife's gaze as he ran his thumb across her cheek, her eyes remained unfocused. He could feel her thinking, something was troubling her, he wanted to know what. For a moment he thought she hadn't heard, rubbing at her temple until she blinked rapidly, inhaling sharply as she refocused.

"Hmm?" She asked, having heard him speak but been too preoccupied to process his enquiry.

"What'cha thinkin' 'bout?" He rephrased, letting his hand relax and return to his side before rolling onto his back, sighing deeply when she didn't answer. He suspected she had been consumed by her thoughts again, perplexed by the conflicted look on her face.

"Nothing" She breathed when she noticed him staring.

"Nothing? Nothing at all?" He probed sceptically.

"Mhmm" She confirmed with a determined nod.

"Babe" He reasoned with a frown, it was so obvious she was lying. She knew he knew but she still didn't feel compelled to open up. Disappointment crept in and Kelly found himself frowning even more severely, he had hoped that the level of harmony they had achieved the previous weekend would remain. He had done what she had asked when it came to Chase, he had been holding up his end of the silent agreement, but here she was doing what she always did, refusing to let him in.

"Shh" She offered pleadingly, asking him to abandon his line of questioning and the accompanying discontent, rising up onto her elbow and shuffling across the bed towards him. After moving his hand aside she lay down next to him, head resting on his chest, arm around his middle, one leg bent and tucked between his, she settled for a moment then reached behind herself to move his hand into place. It felt so right to have her nestled at his side that he quickly forgot his frustration, pressing a kiss to the top of her head and moving both hands to hold her more comfortably. He relaxed then, though she was still thinking loudly he was able to block out that feeling since he knew she was safe, trying to nap while they still had the chance. It had been his idea, Chase had almost fallen asleep against his shoulder following their brief reconciliatory conversation. Erin had ordered their adult son up to bed for a nap and with nothing better to do and both girls asleep as well he had suggested they follow suit. He was tired from a morning skating after Shay, and despite having done everything he had thought of at the time to let his wife sleep in she still appeared exhausted.

"Babe?" Kelly squeaked, stunned by the sudden wet warmth against his chest, dripping steadily.

"I'm sorry" She replied, voice breaking, wiping her eyes rapidly and sniffling as she tried to contain her emotions.

"What's wrong? What happened? Baby…" He managed, pulling her up as he would Shay after a tantrum, she flopped in his hold only moving to hide her face against his shoulder, hugging her tightly and pressing soft kisses to her hair.

"I'm…"

"Don't. Look at me" He commanded roughly, speaking over her, rolling to the side and tugging at her hair until she was forced to face him.

"It's nothing" She croaked, scowling as she shoved against him to break free of his hold, rolling away, pulling her pillow to her chest and curling around it. Kelly frowned, biting his bottom lip before moving after her.

"Erin, baby, I love you. Is this about Chase? Did I do something? What happened?" He asked slowly and gently, sliding his hand around her body to rest over her stomach, pulling her in until her back met his chest, curling around her small body with ease.

"I just can't imagine…" She sobbed, knowing it was irrational, knowing he had no idea what she was on about, knowing that she should have better control of herself.

"Imagine what? Please baby" He just about begged.

"Baby" The word slipped from her lips, cold, devoid of emotion. "I can't even… it's just so awful" She managed calmly, drawing in a shaky breath as she began to think of the best way to explain what she was feeling.

"Shh, take your time" He nodded, brushing her hair aside as she turned her head to look up at him.

"I…I'm just being stupid… But I just... How could she be so calm? I'd be a mess. I am a mess! And it wasn't even me" She blurted suddenly, wiping at the fresh tears that streamed uncontrollably down her cheeks. "I've got my babies. They're fine. She… She never got to meet her baby. I can't imagine losing a baby… she never even got to hold it… her baby…"

"Woah, who are we talking about here?" He asked as soon as he felt he could without interrupting and missing out on information that might help narrow it down.

"Kim."

"Kim lost a baby?" He recapped, not sure that could be right. Kim had seemed fine, normal, at their anniversary barbeque, but then he had to ask himself if there would even be any external indicator if it was early days.

"Yeah" She nodded after sniffing loudly.

"That is awful" He agreed, taking some time to process the revelation. He remembered how terrified he had been while his wife was pregnant with Shay, then getting another glimpse following the car accident with Ember. It would be devastating and he could begin to understand her upset. Except he could also distinguish that they weren't at risk of a similar occurrence, that even after everything that had happened with Ember there was no immediate danger to their family. It was selfish, as much as he could empathise he could also compartmentalize.

"Mmm!" She nodded vigorously when his eyes refocused on her.

"Oh! You had that girly breakfast thing with her!" He remembered suddenly, having been trying to work out how Erin had found out herself. It was hardly the kind of thing to be shared after bumping into each other at the shops.

"Brunch" She offered, he had argued that it sounded like a girly activity when she had mentioned it to him shortly after organising the meeting at their barbeque, asking him to remind her. In the end they had both forgotten.

"I forgot all about that, I'm sorry" He apologised, realising that he'd grossly overestimated the amount of sleep she'd gotten, that made her level of distress far more understandable.

"It's not your fault. She… she wanted to tell me… and I was good. I tried really hard but my… everything… just… hurts thinking about it" She managed, searching hard for the right words when it felt like there were none that fit. The lump in her throat felt impossibly large. "Isn't that the worst thing you could think of? Losing a baby?" She questioned desperately, looking away, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand then burying her face in her pillow when she realised it wasn't going to work. Thinking about it again led to a fresh wave of upset, body shaking with sobs.

"You said yourself though, our kids are fine" He assured, rubbing her upper arm as he repeated himself countless times, reinforcing that their kids were alright because he simply couldn't think of any other way to respond to the torrent of emotion.

"But what if…" She croaked angrily, rolling to look at him with red puffy eyes and a streaming nose.

"No. You don't even need to think about that, let alone worry about it. Er, Kim's dealing with it her own way, you don't need to worry about that either. You're a good friend and you're a good mum. There are so many things you can't control or change…" He offered, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in tightly, ignoring her attempts to resist. After gasping and hiccoughing for a few minutes she sniffled and nodded.

"I know."

"So let's just focus on what we can do: be with our kids, that's what Kim would want" He suggested calmly.

"Yeah" She agreed, letting herself be distracted by the way he had used the word kids instead of girls to be inclusive of Chase. It was enough to make her heart flutter blissfully, such extreme feelings an indicator that something more was at play, a lack of sleep wasn't entirely responsible. "I… I think it's just hormones…" She mumbled.

"I love you" Kelly replied, forehead creased by a frown she couldn't see. He simply didn't want her to be unhappy, be it because of hormones, a lack of sleep or something external, she'd cried herself to sleep once that week already.

"I'm tired" She whispered, nuzzling into his shoulder.

"Yeah, you've used all your energy stressing. We can sleep until Cyclone Shay hits…" He proposed at the same volume, giving a breathy laugh at his own joke.

"And Em's still sleeping off her breakfast" Erin joined, trying hard to laugh though a pang of guilt made her chest ache.

"Mmm" He sighed, even when forced her laugh was an enchanting sound.

"I forgot" She muttered, wriggling until she was staring into his eyes. "I love you too."

* * *

"But Mama" Shay whined, dropping her head back to her mother's stomach and kicking her legs in frustration.

"We had pizza for lunch" Erin reasoned, ruffling Shay's hair as she pulled a face at the toddler. The conversation momentarily forgotten as Kelly grabbed Shay by the feet, hauling her up onto his chest as he pretended to nibble her toes, keeping a firm hold so she couldn't kick him in the face as she tried to squirm out of his grasp. It was something he'd learned the hard way. Cyclone Shay had struck just after five, beating her personal best as far as nap duration was concerned, joining them for snuggles, then a story. Their three bodies had formed a 'H' as they discussed what the moon was made of before the topic of dinner was raised.

"I think we should have Shay toes for dinner" He suggested jokingly, making her squeal as he adjusted his grip and made chewing sounds as her feet neared his mouth.

"Oooh, good idea! Dip them in sauce like little nuggets" Erin agreed in a monster-like voice, shuffling across the bed before taking one of Shay's feet and joining in. With one hand free each they were able to tickle the toddler, carrying on until Shay stopped giggling and kicking.

"NO!" Shay screamed before relaxing her entire body, surrendering.

"We're being silly aren't we?" Erin offered, slapping her husband's hand away to give Shay the chance to recover. The way Shay's bottom lip was emerging made it obvious she was on the verge of tears.

"We're not really going to eat your toes" Kelly assured, taking her hands and pulling until she sat upright.

"Yes, it pizza dinner" Shay informed flatly, smiling broadly since she thought her surrender would be reciprocated in the form of pizza for dinner.

"No, we had pizza for lunch" Erin shook her head.

"No! That was not pizza" Shay argued, frowning as she stuck out her bottom lip, ready and willing to explain herself. If it didn't resemble a traditional pizza it couldn't possibly be a pizza, two year old logic.

"Yes it was, just all rolled up so the toppings were on the inside" She justified, the pizza pockets had contained everything she would normally put on pizza and, if she had ever gotten around to making her own dough, it would have been essentially the same recipe shaped differently.

"But pizza is for dinner" Shay countered, determinedly.

"No, I was thinking we could get burgers from Rollo's, Chase likes them and so do you" She suggested, looking to her husband for approval.

"I likes pizza" Shay reminded hopefully.

"But we can't have pizza twice" She reasoned, trying to settle the matter once and for all.

"Yes can" Shay frowned, just as adamant as her mother.

"Why?" Erin posed, accepting her daughter's strong will and deciding to change strategy.

"Cause it Chasey birfday. Pizza how we do birfday Mama" Shay explained as if it were obvious.

"What do you mean?"

"Dada birfday we pizza'd on bed 'member?" Shay asked, moving off her father and drawing the circular shape of a pizza with her finger in the middle of the bed.

"I do remember that, I didn't know you did" Erin smiled, sitting forward to tickle Shay's stomach affectionately before giving her husband a surprised look.

"I 'member pizza-ing" Shay sighed dismissively.

"That was the first time we let you eat pizza like a big girl" Kelly recalled, it was one of the best nights of his life.

"Yeah and Emmy was in Mama guts" Shay nodded, crawling up the bed to jab a finger at her mother's stomach.

"That was a long time ago" Erin nodded, taking Shay under the arms and lifting her to sit on her lap properly. Eyes scanning the room to see Ember sleeping in her crib as she cuddled Shay to her chest, patting her leg softly and smiling contentedly.

"Yeah, but that how we Chasey birfday" Shay insisted, looking first to her father then up at her mother.

"So you think we should get pizza and eat it on Chase's bed for his birthday?" She asked, starting to think the toddler was right to advocate for her brother's right to a Severide birthday tradition.

"Pleeeease" The toddler pleaded, raising her hands up to hold her mother's face.

"Ask Daddy what he thinks, because Mama thinks that sounds better than cooking or buying greasy burgers…" She proposed turning to her husband for his opinion.

"Daddy says yes but I'm not paying that ridiculous delivery fee, calculating it by the number of traffic lights from there to here is just stupid, half of them are bound to be green…" Kelly ranted passionately, he had complained endlessly the last time they had ordered pizza from their small local shop, under new management the delivery fee structure had changed. That hadn't been made clear over the phone so when their pizza had arrived they'd had to rush around finding enough cash for the delivery kid.

"Okay babe, why don't you take the princess on an adventure? I'll try and wake up Em for some exercise" Erin offered calmly, understanding her husband's frustration and finding it rather sweet.

"I didn't think she'd just keep drinking…" He said by way of an apology next, moving on to talk about their small, though after her morning binge feed he wasn't sure she deserved that title, daughter.

"It's not your fault, it was only an hour and she's growing anyway" She dismissed.

"Growing? Again? Could you tell her to stop? I don't like it when they grow" He grumbled, reaching over to pat and press on Shay's head playfully trying to make her smaller.

"Daddy! You so silly" Shay giggled.

"Am I? Am I silly? I think you're silly" Kelly argued, squinting and pulling faces as the toddler tried to copy him.

"No!" Shay shrieked.

"Go get pizza. Leave it much later and you'll be waiting forever… actually could you stop by the pharmacy on the corner there and get more of my vitamins while you wait?" She questioned hopefully.

"Vitamins?" He returned with a perplexed look.

"Yes, I take them every day, you've seen me, the pregnancy and breastfeeding ones. About halfway up the first aisle on the left, top shelf, in the purple, white and gold box" She listed.

"Do you think we can remember to get those for Mama?" He asked Shay with an unsure expression.

"Yeah course" Shay assured.

"Of course we can gorgeous, the usual?" He questioned, looking back to his wife after winking at the toddler.

"Yeah, unless you see anything Chase might like for his birthday. We've got ice cream and cake for dessert though" She clarified before they started to move, Kelly taking Shay as he stood up.

"We'll be back soon, say bye Shay" He instructed.

"Bye-bye Mama" The toddler waved, grinning as she was carried from the room.

"Bye" Erin called after them, getting up off the bed she followed them for a few paces then stopped at the crib, watching them through the open door as they headed down the stairs. She scooped up the baby and took Ember for a walk along the hall to begin with, while their bedroom door had been open all afternoon, Chase's had been closed. Since it remained so she continued on down the stairs, getting a drink before setting the slowly waking baby down on her blanket, squeaking her toy and shaking her rattle to motivate her. At first the stimulus was too much for Ember, who turned away and held her hand over her ear, then as she woke fully she started to play, Erin encouraging grasping and kicking to get her moving. Having slept most of the day asleep she was worried the baby wouldn't sleep well through the night. It was her hope that Ember would remain awake through dinner and a bath. A solid kick at the butterfly toy her mother held turned into a rolling motion that had her straining to keep her head up. She hadn't yet worked out how to roll back and upset herself trying, a quick cuddle followed by Erin's tummy time games passed the time effectively. Kelly and Shay arrived home with three pizzas, two garlic breads – one with cheese, and one box of pregnancy multivitamins.

"Upstairs?" Kelly checked as he stopped in the lounge room doorway, Shay sitting on his shoulders, pizzas balanced in one hand so he could hold on to the toddler as a safety precaution.

"Yeah, Shay can head up and wash her hands, you get some napkins, I'll head up and wake Chase" Erin delegated, offering a hand to hold the pizza as he helped Shay down.

"You seriously think he's sleeping?" He asked with a sceptical look, taking the pizzas back.

"What else would he be doing?" She questioned, ignoring the look her husband gave her as she marched off up the stairs. Did he have to be so immature? Shay followed her up the stairs and after dispensing soap so the toddler couldn't make a mess she proceeded to the door at the opposite end of the hall to their bedroom, Ember reclining in her mother's arm. Erin knocked twice quickly but didn't hesitate to lower her hand and turn the handle, opening the door. She expected to see Chase sprawled across his bed, sleeping. Even as a fully grown adult she thought he looked cute when he slept, maybe as his mother she would always think that about him. He wasn't sleeping though he was sprawled, beneath Nadia. Beneath naked Nadia, two pairs of very wide deer-in-headlights eyes snapping up. "Hmm" Erin managed in a squeak as she closed the door just as swiftly as she'd opened it, closing her eyes at the same time. Trying to get the image out of her mind, though it seemed to have burned deeply in the seconds she had had to take it in. Next she looked down at Ember, the baby had likely seen as much as she had, thankfully she wouldn't remember it. Thankfully she hadn't sent Shay, they'd had some close calls but had so far managed to avoid difficult explanations. "Sorry" She called through the door, feeling the need to say something thought she wasn't sure what.

"Oh my god!" Nadia could be heard exclaiming on the other side of the door.

"Sorry" Chase replied, hesitantly, quite sure he was dying of embarrassment.

"Um… Pizza for dinner when you're… be safe?" Erin finished weakly, feeling her cheeks redden at the thought.

"Got it" Chase called back.

"Chasey!" Shay sang as she approached, hands freshly washed, ready for dinner on her brother's bed.

"Uh, Chasey's busy at the moment, we're going to start without him, in Mummy and Daddy's room" Erin informed, taking the toddler's hand and effectively dragging her away.

"What's up?" Kelly questioned, reaching the top of the stairs just as they passed.

"Nothing" She shook her head.

"You're blushing" He commented as they arrived in their bedroom, the brighter light making the colour in her cheeks very obvious.

"No I'm not" She argued.

"Oh… I tried to warn you" He shrugged, giving her a knowing look.

"No he wasn't… Well… Did you know Nadia was here?" She asked softly, raising an eyebrow to make what she wasn't saying very clear to him.

"Nada?" Shay piped up excitedly.

"Mmm pizza, which one do you want Shay?" Erin redirected, opening the pizza and pointing to the different types, Shay ate them all without complaint.

"Them" Shay decided, pointing to the closest variety.

"Here?" Kelly enquired with a confused look.

"Well…in there…with our son" She informed, gesturing over her shoulder in the direction of Chase's bedroom, doing everything she could to stop her mind thinking about what the two young adults were currently up to.

"Uh… No. No I didn't know that" He answered with a nod, a pink tinge spreading across his cheeks as he realised. There was a lot of blushing and avoiding eye contact fifteen minutes later when Chase and Nadia joined them. Not sure if they should pretend nothing had happened when they awkwardly entered the room and took places at the end of the bed. As uncomfortable as it was to start with it soon became the fun family time Erin had hoped for when she'd agreed to Shay's request. They ate pizza, laughed, joked, sang a little more and generally enjoyed each other's company, all in the name of celebrating Chase's birthday. It was the best birthday he had had in a very long time.

**:O **


	171. Chapter 171

"What are you doing here?" Hank as good as growled the moment Erin reached the top of the stairs, it was the first time she had been to her former work place in what felt like forever. Not much had changed, except Kim Burgess sat in Erin's chair, at Erin's desk. It had to be difficult for the younger woman, knowing she was only ever filling in.

"Nice to see you too" Erin returned with as much attitude as she could muster.

"You tryin' to get shorter or somethin'?" Hank questioned, pointing to Shay.

"Shorter? No. Fitter? Yes" She threw back, unable to stop herself swaying slowly to keep both girls content. While readjusting the baby carrier for Ember, referring back to the manual, she had learned that it was rated all the way through to thirty-six months. At first she had been sceptical that she would ever be able to get her thirty month old into the contraption, curiosity growing as she continued to adjust well past Ember's size. Shay had been very willing though, remaining in the carrier on her mother's back while they had done the grocery shopping. The carrier had been left in the car while they took the groceries home and put them away, having lunch before visiting Kelly and Chase at the firehouse. Erin knew she had to stop by the district and decided it was close enough to walk, Shay was ready for her afternoon nap though so the carrier emerged. Kelly didn't like the idea but helped his wife get it on properly, testing the shoulder and hip straps more times than he would a repelling harness. Erin had added the sling and Ember on her front to balance herself out and keep her hands free. It required equal measures of effort to running a mile and she had taken a moment to catch her breath before entering the district, more aware than ever at her changed level of fitness.

"What are you doing here?" He repeated, as if her presence were an inconvenience. "You didn't call" He added, gesturing to the whiteboard, covered in gruesome images. Erin couldn't help but scan over what they had, figuring out the case based on the pictures and notes. A dodgy drug smuggling operation where the drug mules were being killed and practically cut in half so that the power players could access the product more quickly

"She's asleep" She argued, normally she'd get Platt to call up so that the board was covered, keeping her girls protected.

"What do you want kid? We're busy" Hank enquired for the third time, adding the term of endearment to soften the harsh reality of what he was saying. They didn't need her, she was a distraction.

"Lunch break?" Antonio requested hopefully, looking at the time in the bottom corner of his computer screen.

"Can't do much until Herrera calls back" Olinsky agreed, knowing it was enough to persuade his old friend to relax a little.

"Kids getting killed Al, there's got to be something you lot can do" Voight contended seriously.

"Have lunch, take a break, refocus. How are the girls Erin?" Alvin asked, surprising Erin, it was uncharacteristic for him to push Hank, especially publicly.

"Fine" She answered, unwilling to elaborate while Hank's fierce glare was in play.

"That one looks like she's grown since the barbeque" Alvin continued, pointing to the lump in the sling that was Ember, little face visible to her mother but no one else.

"She has" Erin nodded, still cautious.

"And Shay's out for the count?" He asked, though his tone made it obvious it was his last attempt at welcoming.

"Mhmm" She supplied as she held eye contact with her father figure. He wasn't going to ask again. "I just wanted to stop by to issue an open invite to Shay's dance concert this Thursday afternoon… It's just watching a two year old prance around on stage for five minutes. We're leaving straight after, I don't blame you if you don't want to come…" She explained.

"I'll be there" Jay assured, his goddaughter's first dance concert wasn't something he would miss, as lame as it sounded.

"Mmm" Hank agreed, allowing a small smile to cross his face. He never could have predicted he would attend a dance concert but it was important to Erin and Shay and he loved them.

"I'd don't have any plans for Thursday but if something better pops up I'm taking it" Antonio agreed conditionally.

"I've had my fair share of dance concerts" Alvin shook his head, he'd endured that torture enough times over the years, between the ages of seven and thirteen Lexi had dedicated herself to dance.

"Oh yeah, Lexi and the ballet obsession" Erin recalled, having babysat for the Olinsky's whenever she needed extra money as a teen and young adult, something she now knew Hank had organised.

"It was tap dancing that did it in the end" He groaned, remembering the six months of incessant tapping.

"Don't you dare introduce Shay" She warned seriously, she could picture it and she didn't like it.

"I'm not sure I'd be able to babysit if she tap danced" Nadia agreed as she took the last two stairs, her partner following behind. "Hi… sorry" She apologised when they all looked to her, surprised by her presence. "Sergeant Voight, you wanted to see us?" She prompted when still nobody started talking.

"Yep. Need you as backup" Hank accepted.

"For a raid we don't have an address or warrant for yet?" Antonio questioned, frustrated that Hank seemed to think they were making far more progress on the case than they were, still in the initial stage of gathering information and meeting CIs.

"Just hang around, we'll call when we need you" Hank requested, not ignoring Antonio but not dismissing the two uniforms either.

"Yes sir" Nadia nodded, Watson, her partner, parroting a second later before they both turned and headed back down the stairs, getting the impression their presence wasn't required.

"I might go too. I'll text you the details" Erin explained rapidly, looking to those who had agreed before giving a small wave. She had achieved everything she set out to do and wouldn't mind a quick word with Nadia.

"Adam and I will come" Kim added suddenly, looking to Erin who had stopped mid turn.

"What? Why?" Adam complained instantly.

"We'd love to watch Shay dance" Kim justified, giving Adam a well-practiced look.

"Ugh" Adam groaned, flopping back into his chair which creaked under the sudden pressure.

"I'll text you" Erin reiterated, waving again before starting down the stairs, not fast enough to risk a fall given she was still getting used to the new weight distribution. "Nadia, wait up" She called, rounding the corner to see the young policewoman stepping through the gate Watson held open for her.

"Do… do you want me to go?" Watson asked as Erin caught up with them, she had acknowledged that he was there but it was clear she only wanted to speak with his partner.

"Watson, no you can stay, how's the twenty-first treating you?" She questioned, smiling as she turned her attention to the young policeman.

"Great thanks" Watson nodded, remembering meeting Erin in a park a few months earlier, when his old partner then retired he put in a transfer to stand a better chance of getting where he wanted to go, intelligence. If he hadn't met her he wasn't sure he would have such an ambitious goal.

"How do you two know each other?" Nadia questioned, she knew Erin kept an eye on her, in fact it made her feel safe, but she didn't think she'd go so far as to meet with her partner.

"I know everyone" Erin laughed, not wanting to go into any more detail then and there. She wasn't proud of her actions that day, she'd snapped and become violent, even if the man had deserved to be punched.

"How's Emmy doing?" Watson asked, turning Erin's attention back to the baby on her front, one hand subconsciously patting the sleeping baby.

"She's great, thanks" She smiled, moving the fabric of the sling slightly so that Watson didn't have to crane his neck to see the infant's face. The young man seemed relieved to know that the baby was doing well, he seemed like a good person and a fitting partner for Nadia. "I just wanted to let Nadia know Shay's dance concert is Thursday night at five, Shay… and Chase would love it if you could come" She shared, looking to Nadia, fingers tucked into the front of her vest, replicating the default stance of her friend and mentor in her detective days.

"I'll chat with Platt" Nadia agreed, wondering if it was too soon to ask to leave an hour early.

"Okay. Have a nice day, stay safe" Erin finished, making sure Watson knew she was speaking to him as well.

"Er, um… could I come over tonight?" Nadia asked, leaving her partner behind as she hurried after the older woman.

"Do you mean for dinner or to sleep over?" Erin enquired evenly, hoping Nadia understood that it was because she wanted to know not because there was a right or wrong answer.

"Both?" Nadia suggested optimistically, worried she was misreading Erin's body language.

"Okay" She agreed, a little to enthusiastically to dispel the worry written across the young woman's face. "Look Nadia I don't want this to be awkward…" She trailed off not sure how to expand on what she was saying.

"That won't happen again, I promise" Nadia vowed, blushing as she remembered.

"Just lock the door" Erin shrugged, laughing as she turned away and left the building, she didn't want to interfere, they were young and in love and part of her thought it was a beautiful thing. The other part was conflicted.

* * *

The last thing Chase wanted was for karma to strike, knocking firmly, loudly enough to wake Erin and Kelly though he had heard the soft murmur of talking as he approached their closed bedroom door. They'd had a normal family dinner, Nadia's attendance excused by Shay because she promised to be at the dance concert. Though she hadn't yet spoken to Platt and had a dreadful feeling the desk sergeant wouldn't think a toddler's dance concert was a good enough reason to leave early. "Yeah?" Kelly called in response to the knocking, looking to his wife but otherwise remaining still as the door opened slowly. They were cuddled together comfortably and had been talking up until that point.

"Mum, can I talk to you?" Chase questioned seriously, feeling bad that he was asking her to get out of bed. He just couldn't imagine his father being participant in the discussion he needed to have. His mother was so much more relaxed and open, more approachable too, perhaps that was just because he felt closer to her.

"Sure" Erin nodded, patting her husband's hand until he released her, slipping out of the bed and grabbing her dressing gown before following the young man into the hall. Closing the door behind herself.

"Look ah… I appreciate what you're doing but…" He stumbled throat closing of its own accord he was so very stressed.

"What am I doing?" Erin asked, hoping to encourage him to continue long enough to provide some context.

"The condoms… everywhere. Two boxes in the bathroom cupboard, another three in my room… literally everywhere. Nadia wanted my phone charger BAM! Condoms… She thought I bought them! Do you know how hard it is to explain that my mum put them there?" He demanded, voice high with a combination of mild anger and embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. I know I went a little overboard… I just want you to be safe" Erin tried to justify, though now she thought on it she was quite convinced she had done the wrong thing.

"Nadia's on the pill, we talked about it before we ever… We're not stupid kids" He rationalised.

"I know. And I'm sorry... If it helps the ones in the bathroom aren't necessarily all for you" She informed, though the moment the words left her mouth she regretted them, not sure how that would ever help a situation.

"That does not help" He said flatly, face contorted in disgust. "Shay might find them!" He complained after a moment in contemplative silence.

"I'm sorry" Erin extended, fully accepting that she had done the wrong thing. The poor kid at the checkout when she'd bought them hadn't been able to look at her after scanning them.

"Just… I'm sorry too" Chase nodded, he had gotten his concerns off his chest and felt much better, maybe even able to sleep.

"It's happened to all of us" She dismissed, more than ready to move on, thinking back to Saturday night for what she hoped was the last time.

"Really? Voight walked in on you?! Did he kill the guy?" Chase demanded, rather amused by the thought.

"No… not quite" She answered in a whisper, it had certainly been a close call.

"How old were you?" Chase asked, grinning broadly and barely containing his laughter.

"Good night kid" She shook her head, she wasn't going to go there.

"Night mum" He accepted, giving her a quick hug before they turned away from each other and returned to their bedrooms, to beds occupied by people they loved, to a refreshing night's sleep.


	172. Chapter 172

**Sorry for the delay. I have pneumonia. **

"Mum, you feelin' okay?" Chase questioned, he just asked her to pass one of Ember's toys from the coffee table but she didn't look like she'd heard. Erin had worn the same uneasy expression since they'd arrived home from their Wednesday shift, mind someplace else despite their attempts to spend time as a family. Kelly had not long taken Shay upstairs for her afternoon nap but before that the five of them had been out in the backyard together, playing with Shay's new spiky ball on the grass. Ember had loved to suck on the rubbery nodules while Shay preferred to sit and roll around on the ball.

"Yeah" Erin dismissed. Once again she didn't seem to comprehend what he was actually saying.

"Mum!" He tried again, more loudly.

"Mmm?" She nodded, blinking and shaking her head as she turned to look at him.

"What's on your mind?" He asked, a simple question he hoped would result in a simple answer. Even if it wasn't simple he was an adult and perfectly capable of deep and meaningful discussion, he just wanted to know what was on her mind.

"Nothing" She shook her head adamantly. Chase frowned and sighed, ready to pursue his line of questioning when Kelly entered.

"She's out" The older man informed triumphantly, taking the toy Chase had wanted from the coffee table before sitting next to the pair so he could use it to play with his daughter. Chase held Ember under the arms to stand on his lap, bending and stretching her legs to bounce and play while he supported her weight. The toy was something for her flapping arms and scrunching hands to reach for.

"We have to leave in an hour. Do you think she'll get upset if we have to wake her? It'll put her off all afternoon… Maybe we shouldn't go" Erin said to no one in particular, eyes focused intently on nothing important, forehead creased, deep in thought.

"What?!" Kelly demanded, surprised by the words as much as the almost blank delivery.

"Shay's dance concert" She reminded, giving him a frustrated look, as if he had forgotten the most important event in their calendar.

"We're going" Kelly argued, tilting his head in confusion. "Shay's so excited. It took two stories to get her to sleep she's looking forward to it so much. She talked about it non-stop at dinner last night…" He wasn't sure what more he could say to convince her but she still looked uncertain, biting her lip, still half dazed.

"I know but…" She sighed returning to biting at her lip.

"But what?" He pressed, handing the toy off to Chase and turning his back to the younger man in order to focus completely on his wife and the confusing situation they seemed to be in.

"Nothing" She dismissed softly, staring at the wall for a moment though she could feel her husband's eyes on her. "I'm going to go… iron" She declared as she got up.

"Hmm?" Kelly grunted, demanding clarification.

"I have to iron the dress I'm wearing" She explained, stopping at the doorway to give him a chance to formulate a response to what she had said. Impatience written in the creases of her face.

"Oh… really?" He questioned, they owned an iron but it was used very infrequently, preferring to take garments to the dry cleaners and pay for the convenience.

"Yeah" She threw back, clearly unimpressed, turning on her heels and walking away. Kelly honestly couldn't discern if she was stomping or if it was just that he wasn't used to her walking around with shoes on.

"Chase, you mind?" Kelly asked as he stood to go after his wife, looking to the young man who had returned to playing with Ember. As curious as Chase was he didn't mind letting Kelly do all the heavy lifting when it came to working out what was up with Erin.

"Yeah, no. Go. I've got Squeak" Chase assured, using the nickname he had only given his little sister that morning in response to the squeaking noises she had started to produce. Kelly found his wife in the laundry, crouched down to pat Sooty. The cat associated that room with food, since she was fed there morning and night, and always got up to investigate when she heard someone enter it.

"Want some company?" Kelly asked, not wanting to scare her now that he realised he hadn't made much noise on approach. She jumped anyway, frowning over her shoulder at him as she straightened getting to work taking the dress off the hanger on the cupboard door.

"I'm fine" She shook her head.

"What's going on?" He asked, taking a step into the room to show her he wasn't going away that easily.

"Nothing. I'm fine." She practically growled.

"Erin, baby, please" He requested, giving her his best combined hopeful and pleading look.

"I'm just…" She started, again her voice turned to nothingness as he bit her lip instead.

"Just?" He prompted, nodding in a say she read as pure condescension.

"I don't know if Shay's ready for this…" She managed after a long silence getting the dress onto the ironing board, plugging in and turning on the iron.

"Of course she is" He assured without any hesitation. Wondering if she was trying to misdirect him or if their two year old's dance concert was really the thing troubling her.

"You didn't see her at the practice yesterday, she wasn't listening…"

"She's two" He reminded gently.

"I know but…" She sighed, his tone and manner made her feel like her concerns were completely invalid. That she was crazy to be so hung up about a toddlers dance recital.

"But what?" He urged, just as frustrated with her as she was with him.

"I want her to do well… Is that wrong?" She demanded, not moving her hand fast enough and channelling the pain of a burnt finger into her question.

"No!" Kelly answered immediately.

"She's two and it's meant to be fun… but the other mums are so serious about it… What if she gets scared? She's never done anything in front of a big audience before" Erin explained, frustration giving way to fear.

"Maybe you shouldn't have invited so many people" He attempted to joke, suddenly conscious of the need to lighten the mood, there wasn't even a flicker of amusement in her eyes so he continued. "Seriously though, our Shay scared? She loves to be the center of attention! Babe, she'll be fine. I talked to her about it just before, she's going to look for us and dance for us and have fun… Who cares about the other mums? They're bitches and after today I might just tell them that!"

"No" She shook her head, embarrassed by the thought alone. Trying to process his rationalisation, though her emotions seemed to be getting in the way. Again. It didn't help that she was angry at herself for feeling so unstable about the whole thing.

"Well I won't but you know I would…" He offered with a soft laugh, hoping she understood he would do anything for her, battling blazes or standing up to a hoard of bitchy dance mums.

"Not helping" She groaned, running her hand through her hair as she tried to disperse some of her nervous energy.

"I don't understand" He stated flatly. "You've been fine about it all week, excited even. Now you're… worried?" He guessed. "What are you really worried about?"

"I don't know…" She answered exasperatedly. "It not being something Shay wants to do? Shay getting scared?" She tried to justify, that seemed the most reasonable explanation for what she was feeling.

"You'd be scared?" He questioned, feeling he was on to something.

"After yesterday's rehearsal? Yeah, I would be" She nodded emphatically. While the other girls had taken their last rehearsal seriously Shay hadn't remembered a single move or sequence, making up her own dance routine when she wasn't tripping the other girls or laughing at them.

"We don't want our girls to have our fears Er, maybe getting her up on stage now will make it easier in the future. We're not forcing her, if she doesn't want to do it we're leaving… It's meant to be fun" He reiterated. After taking the iron from her hand and standing it at the far end of the board he took her by the shoulders, looking deep into her eyes. "We're going to have fun."

And they did. Shay woke up mega excited for her concert doing everything her mother asked in order to get ready more quickly: Wriggling into flesh tone stockings and her blue leotard, standing still as her mother tied the little skirt around her waist and did her hair, smoothing it back with hairspray before adding the best of the headbands she had made, being patient as her mother tied the ribbons of her tiny ballet shoes and for the whole car ride to the community hall. Each of the three adults contributed to a pep talk that seemed forgotten the minute they arrived, Shay running off to play with the other girls. Erin struggled to converse with friends and family while keeping an eye on the toddler to make sure she wasn't messing up her costume or missing her teacher's call to gather but did manage to relax a little as the afternoon progressed. She wasn't completely calm and collected but Kelly and Chase were especially supportive, Chase distracting her while Kelly escorted Shay through the door to the side of the stage and out of view.

"How come they're not up first?" Jay questioned, looking through the dodgy little program he had bought in support of his goddaughter.

"I don't know… They're third aren't they?" She asked, looking bewildered as she tried to remember exactly what Shay's teacher had said the previous afternoon. She was also wondering if her husband was coming back, thoughts spiralling out of control. What if Shay was having a tantrum? What if she refused to go on stage without seeing her mother? What if seeing her grandpa's, aunts, uncles and godparents had put the toddler off? What if they were there for nothing because she decided she didn't want to do it?

"Yeah… and you said five minutes" Jay grumbled facetiously. 

"What?"

"Program says the songs six minutes forty-eight seconds…" He informed, holding out the home printed, crooked stapled, booklet for her to look at.

"Sorry" She apologised insincerely, pulling a face then looking up at the stage as the head of the dance school started speaking into the microphone. "Shhh" She hissed because he looked like he was going to speak when she checked to see his response. They all settled then, watching the stage and the first group of dancers, the most advanced class. Erin could almost feel the lack of care radiating from the row her invitees occupied. Hank and Russ were front and center, with Antonio, Gabby, Kim and Adam occupying the same row. Then there were a series of empty seats, intended for Chase, Nadia and Kelly, a spare seat for the camera bag, diaper bag and Erin's hand bag, next to her where she could reach them easily. Erin sat in the second last seat of the row with Ember in her arms, Jay sitting next to her because he had refused to sit alone. The rest of the hall was packed and she felt bad for holding so many empty seats. That was all forgotten as the second group finished, palms sweating profusely as if she were the one about to go on stage.

"What?" Jay demanded, noticing the way she was looking around, almost panicked.

"Chase said he'd go up and record it… but he's not back yet" She whispered, pointing to the camera bag and then the group of parents gathering in the aisle ready to record the performance.

"I can do it" He volunteered.

"Would you?" She sighed, trying to get the camera bag open with her one free hand.

"Yeah sure, give it here" Jay smiled taking the entire bag on his way past to join the other parents. The curtain fluttered but didn't open, harsh whispering could be heard from behind it, the teacher trying deseperately to get the toddlers into position. Erin was so focused she barely noticed Chase and Nadia slipping into seats at the end of row, Trudy Platt taking Jay's empty seat to sit right beside her.

"Hope you don't mind" The desk sergeant whispered, pointing up at the stage. Erin gave a surprised but not unwelcoming look before nodding and refocusing. Kelly pushed through the door but didn't make it to their row before the curtain opened, music starting. He stopped where he was to watch the toddlers on stage. One girl screamed and ran from the stage, two started crying, another simply lay down, four were frozen in fear leaving Shay, Caitlin, Rose and another girl the only ones actually doing the dance. Shay was doing exactly what she was supposed to be doing, in time with the music, leading the other girls. Erin wasn't sure she had ever felt so proud, she wanted to stand up and yell and point so that everyone knew Shay was hers. Theirs.

Shay stumbled on the girl who remained lying down, Erin felt Trudy's hand on her leg, it was likely the only thing that kept her seated as she tried desperately to make eye contact with her daughter. Shay was looking elsewhere though, to the left, to her father who gestured to encourage her then demonstrated the next move, a twirl. Erin knew Jay was recording Shay's dance so she didn't feel bad about watching her husband, astounded that he knew the routine, dancing one step ahead so that Shay could mimic him. Ember started to cry but before Erin could even react Trudy had taken the infant and was making her way to the back of the hall, rocking and shushing softly. Erin couldn't bring herself to turn and see that though, loving the six minutes and forty-eight second routine.

Then it was over. The audience applauded, Erin unashamedly loudly, the majority of the girls managed a bow and then tiptoed off stage. They sat through another two groups of toddlers dancing before they were all led onto stage to receive participation medals. Shay's class were awarded theirs first so Melita would be pleased. Then the teacher brought them to the back of the hall to be reunited with their parents as the head judge took the stage to begin the official competition. Most of the families with toddlers left then so they weren't alone as they gathered in the car park, celebrating the toddler who was hyped up and hungry. It was Grandpa Hank's idea to take their celebration to the pizza place across the road, crowding the small establishment.

"Mama?" Shay questioned some time later, leotard smeared with pizza sauce, shoes and headband long gone.

"Yeah ballet-Shay?" Erin asked, using the name Gabby had come up with.

"I dancey more?" The toddler asked hopefully.

"We'll see" She answered, unwilling to give a definite answer.

"But fun" Shay reasoned with a smile.

"You sure?" She checked, looking over at her husband to see if he had coached Shay to say that, Kelly was busy talking with Chase and Antonio.

"Yea…" Shay tried to answer enthusiastically, yawning before she could finish.

"You tired now?" She questioned, lifting the toddler up onto her lap.

"All funned out" Shay nodded, curling up in her mother's arms as she yawned again, eyelids drooping, ready to dream of dancing on stage.


	173. Chapter 173

"Uh-uh" Erin commanded, surprisingly firmly considering she'd not long woken up. She had slept well, taking up the entire bed, she'd been contemplating getting up when the bedroom door opened, the only noise that of wood softly gliding across the carpet. She hadn't wanted Shay to know she was awake, that was the fastest way to miss out on snuggles in favour of breakfast. The toddler didn't want to snuggle with her mother though, and was halfway into the crib when she'd been caught.

"Mornin' Mama" Shay greeted cheerfully, sending a toothy grin in her mother's direction while lifting her leg slowly to keep climbing.

"No Shay" She attempted, again the toddler froze, thinking for a moment before reconfiguring her expression to the most innocent look she possessed.

"No mornin'?" Shay asked sweetly.

"You know what I mean" Erin sighed frowning playfully, serious enough to encourage the toddler to listen but not actually annoyed because Shay hadn't technically done anything wrong. "Get down you cheeky monkey" She ordered in a laugh since the toddler remained perched precariously on the lowered railing of the crib, Ember sleeping obliviously just below. The toddler thought again for a moment then slid down to the ground, walking confidently across the room toward the bed. Erin smiled and offered a hand, preparing herself for the cuddle she was about to receive. Shay took the hand, hesitantly, big blue eyes looking up apologetically.

"I hungry" Shay informed softly.

"Again?" She complained facetiously, scoffing and sighing dramatically as she rolled out of bed and lifted the toddler. With one arm around Shay's middle she moved across the room, turning on the baby monitor before handing it to Shay to carry then tucking Ember's blankets around her before leaving her to sleep. They laughed all the way down the stairs to the kitchen. "You're getting so heavy!" Erin gasped, pretending to be out of breath after placing the toddler on the kitchen bench.

"Hungry! No Heaby!" Shay denied, shaking her head.

"Oh sorry! What does the hungry monkey want for breakfast?" Erin questioned, stepping away from the toddler to look at the options. There didn't seem to be many.

"Cupcake!" Shay suggested.

"Do we eat cupcakes for breakfast?" She asked, shaking her head to hint toward the answer she was looking for.

"Yes…no…no um… muffing?" Shay corrected, taking her time to search for the correct word.

"Muffins? Hmm… we don't have any muffins" She shrugged, moving to the fridge to look for other options.

"Make dem?" Shay asked as the easy solution to that problem.

"What type?" Erin enquired as she scanned for a main ingredient.

"'Nana!" Shay squealed, crawling across the bench toward the fruit bowl where three bananas sat, on the verge of overripe with brown spots beginning to mar their yellow skin.

"But we have raspberries" She offered, reaching for the punnet on the bottom shelf of the fridge, her favourite and like the bananas ready to be used.

"And 'nana!" Shay nodded, cheeky monkeys had to have bananas.

"Banana and raspberry muffins?" She recapped, if Shay ate some of the fruit as they cooked she wouldn't be too hungry as they waited for the muffins to bake.

"Oh yes please Mama!" Shay enthused, grabbing the bananas from the bowl in a way that made Erin glad they were going to mash them in a moment. Following a basic banana cake recipe that Erin had memorized they made the mixture, adding the raspberries last to avoid crushing them. Spooning the mixture into the bowl was always the messiest job with Shay 'helping' but soon enough the muffin trays were filled and in the oven cooking away. Shay ate the left over raspberries, having already eaten half a banana, while her mother washed the dishes they had made and placed the cooling rack on the bench. The baby monitor let them know Ember was awake so they headed upstairs together to retrieve her, turning off the oven upon their return. The muffins had risen and smelled delicious making waiting for them to cool enough to eat particularly difficult for the toddler. Erin did her best to distract Shay, starting a game with Ember, pulling faces and poking out their tongues until the baby copied them.

"Alright, I think they're ready now" She announced after calming Ember a little, the baby was hungry and no longer had the patience for games, moving to the kitchen to feel that the muffins were warm rather than hot. She could hear Shay squealing excitedly from her chair in the dining room and didn't hesitate to double check their breakfast, making muffins was fun but the novelty would be lost if the toddler burned her mouth. The one she had cut into quarters for Shay was cooler than the rest so she juggled plates with muffins and cups of milk, making multiple trips to the table as she bounced and sang softly to Ember.

"Thank ya Mama" Shay smiled politely before taking a piece of muffin in her fist and dunking it straight into her cup of milk. Erin sighed as she forced a smile back, turning her attention to feeding Ember as she ate her own muffin, there was little point trying to stop the toddler now. The muffins were dense and moist the way they ought to be and the ingredients had combined to make plenty, more than she had expected. Even saving some for themselves there would be enough to give to those who had attended Shay's dance concert as a small thank you. Not sure how she would coordinate that she put the thought aside in favour of time with her girls. Cleaning up the soggy muffin and splashed milk wasn't particularly arduous once Shay was out of the way, playing with Ember on the lounge room floor. "Mama, Emmy-bear sleepsy" Shay informed softly as her mother returned, finding the toddler cradling her baby sister in her lap.

"Mmm, should we put her to bed?" She asked gently, crouching down in front of her girls.

"No" Shay answered, holding the baby possessively. Erin accepted that with a nod and a smile, watching the toddler until her little shoulders started to slump.

"How about we move to the couch so you're more comfy…" She suggested as the toddler slouched further, the weight of her sister considerable in her small arms.

"Umkay" Shay agreed after looking across at the appealing cushions, adjusting her hold to let her mother take the sleeping baby. "P'llow" She said to herself as she climbed up onto the couch, grunting in exertion as she crawled to retrieve one of the cushions. Getting herself comfortable and putting the cushion in place so Ember would be as well. Erin handed over the baby, making sure her head was supported, before sitting down next to the pair. She watched them silently for a few minutes, until Shay got bored of watching her sister sleep and started looking around.

"Now what? Cartoons?" Erin asked, pointing to the television.

"No wake Em" Shay shook her head.

"I could read to you. Before we take your books back" She offered after taking a moment to think, because of the dance concert they hadn't yet read all of the library books Shay had borrowed.

"Mhmm!" Shay nodded eagerly, face crumpling as she turned serious. "But you gots ta be shh for Em-Em" She reminded, rubbing soft circles on the baby's stomach.

"Okay, wait there then" Erin requested, leaning across to kiss the top of Shay's head before getting up and leaving to find her library bag. Erin started with the book they hadn't read before continuing on to reread the others at Shay's request. Halfway through the second book Erin got what she had wanted all morning, Shay deciding she didn't want to hold her little sister anymore, preferring to snuggle against her mother. Ember didn't mind being transferred to her bouncy chair. They had not long settled back into reading, Shay waiting patiently for the pause that cued her job of turning the pages, when the doorbell rang.

"Who dat?" Shay demanded, thinking it was the height of rudeness to interrupt her story time.

"I don't know, let's go see" Erin answered, putting the book aside before getting up, Shay frowning as she was positioned on her mother's hip. Since they weren't expecting anyone Erin took her time getting to the door, they were still in their pyjamas and she questioned her decision to bring Shay right up to the moment that she opened the door and recognised the person on the other side.

"Morning" Cindy Herrmann greeted cheerfully.

"Cindy, hi" Erin returned, trying not to look as surprised as she felt.

"'lo!" Shay squeaked as she lurched forward, arms outstretched as she reached for their visitor, a person who had cared for a loved her since she was born.

"Hello big girl!" Cindy smiled as she took Shay, giving the toddler a hug before looking her over properly, she had grown since the last time they had seen each other. "I tried to call" She added to Erin, who without Shay in her arms felt awkward and exposed in her pyjamas.

"Oh, sorry, my phone's upstairs. Come in?" Erin offered, stepping out of the doorway and out of sight of the strange man staring at her from across the road, angry red scars that resembled burns covered half of his face.

"Thanks" Cindy nodded, following Erin inside and along the hall to the lounge room, though both women chose to keep standing.

"So ah…?" Erin asked after a moment of silence.

"I need a favour…" Cindy began after a pause, it seemed as if she had focused all her energy on getting there but none on what she would say or do when she actually arrived.

"Yeah sure, anything" She accepted sincerely, given everything Cindy had done for her over the last few years she would seriously do almost anything for her.

"Could I look after your girls… for the morning or for the day? Or just hang around here?" Cindy questioned cautiously, ignoring Shay who had started playing with her sparkly earrings.

"Uh?" She managed, stalling for time as she tried to work out what was going on.

"Kenny's been at kindy four days a week for a month now… The house is spotless… Nathan was home sick most of last week but now I'm home alone and I don't have anything to do… I was on just passing by after dropping the kids off…" Cindy explained as soon as she noticed the younger woman's confusion.

"Oh sure" Erin nodded, giving a sympathetic smile as her mind worked rapidly to try to work another person into her plans for the day. "We usually go to the library on Friday mornings."

"I can take them" Cindy offered immediately.

"If you want…" She agreed, not entirely convinced but seeing as many advantages as disadvantages.

"Is that okay Shay? Let Mama have a break and I'll take you to the library" Cindy asked, looking to the toddler for her opinion.

"And Em-Em?" Shay questioned, pointing at the baby in the bouncy chair, head tipped to the side so that her chubby cheek pressed against her shoulder.

"Of course" Cindy ensured enthusiastically.

"Unkay" Shay smiled, looking to her mother for approval the moment she finished the word.

"Okay" Erin added. "We'll go get dressed" She explained as she reached across for the toddler, planning to set her down on her feet before collecting the baby as well.

"No Mama, Cindy helps me" Shay argued, clinging tightly to their visitor.

"You could ask her" Erin suggested to Shay, though her tone made it clear there wasn't an alternative option.

"Cindy helps me?" Shay started, redirecting her gaze to the person who held her. "Please?"

"Yes I can help you get dressed" Cindy agreed once she received a nod from Erin.

"You don't have to take Emmy as well" Erin felt the need to tell Cindy as she lifted the baby slowly, she wouldn't mind a morning of baby snuggles since she'd barely had ten minutes with Shay.

"It's no trouble, I'm sure there are things you need to do" Cindy dismissed as she put Shay down, taking the hand Shay extended instantly. "Lead the way Shay."

"This my room" Shay announced when they arrived at her bedroom door, using her toy box to reach the light switch since she couldn't reach the curtains to let in natural light.

"Wow, this is lovely" Cindy smiled as she looked around the room, she'd never been upstairs before let alone into the toddler's bedroom. It was so obvious that it had been decorated by someone who loved the little girl.

"Mine" Shay reminded looking around the room the way the adult was before rushing to the bed. "This my Roary" She explained as she held up her stuffed lion.

"Yeah, I've met Roary before, you used to bring him with you to my place" Cindy replied, the wear on the synthetic fur combined with how much Shay had grown made her realise how long it had been since she'd looked after the toddler.

"This my photos" Shay continued, climbing up onto her bed to point to the collection of photographs she had amassed and adhered to the wall adjacent to her pillow.

"Very nice" Cindy commented, looking over the photos of varying quality. "Who's that?" She asked, pointing to a torn and worn ultrasound picture.

"Emmy-bear when she was hidin' in Mama's guts…" Shay explained, tracing the rough edge carefully.

"Wow, that's special."

"Specialistest" Shay agreed, taking one last look at the picture before climbing down off her bed.

"What do you want to wear?" Cindy asked, knowing that it was a dangerous question. Shay showed uncharacteristic restraint in choosing a plain green t-shirt and some orange and teal patterned skorts. She stood still as her hair was pulled into a high but off center ponytail then slipped on a pair of socks before leading the way to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth under semi-attentive supervision, Cindy taking the chance to look around the bathroom, simply curious not nosy.

"How are we going?" Erin asked, appearing in the bathroom doorway, dressed in jeans, a plain black singlet and a soft white chunky knitted cardigan. Ember slept up against her shoulder, wearing the inverse pattern of the blue and purple footed pyjama suit she had slept in. Erin would have been perfectly happy to take her out in the outfit she had worn to bed but settled on the clean partner of the matching set for Cindy's sake.

"Ready" Shay informed, dropping her toothbrush into the ceramic cup before jumping off her step stool.

"Can you go put your books in your library bag?" Erin instructed, tugging gently on the toddler's ponytail before ushering her out of the bathroom. Shay skipped off, looking back once she reached the stairs to make sure she was being observed.

"Is this okay? I'm so sorry…" Cindy apologised, thinking Erin had intentionally sent the toddler away in order to talk with her.

"It's fine, you're right, there are things I need to do. I just haven't got any milk to pack for Em so it's probably best if she stays with me" She justified, she didn't mind Cindy taking Shay to the library but looking after both girls was more difficult and completely unnecessary. Erin planned on using her Shay free time driving across the city to distribute muffins to those who had attended the toddler's dance concert.

"When's she due to be fed next?" Cindy asked trying to remember how often three and a half month olds needed to be fed. 

"Two or three hours" Erin offered, as often as she told herself she needed a schedule it was far easier to feed Ember on demand.

"We'll be back before then, don't worry. If she gets too fussy she can have water until we get back" Cindy shrugged, unfazed by the minor problem.

"Are you sure?" Erin questioned, she could probably be done in half the time if she didn't have to get the car seat in and out at each destination.

"Yeah, she looks happy to me" Cindy smiled gently, reaching across to place a hand on the baby's back, making eye contact with Erin as she did so. "Are you happy with this?" She enquired, the last thing she wanted to do was make Erin feel lonely the way she had been without her children in the house. Erin thought about it for a long moment, then came to the conclusion that there would be plenty of time to cuddle her girls later on.

"Absolutely" She affirmed with great conviction and a serious nod, handing over the baby before she changed her mind. One morning without the girls would give her a taste of what was to come, entire days apart when she returned to work.

**I am so incredibly sorry for how long this has taken but I have been particularly unwell and simply haven't been able to write… This chapter was pretty pathetic but it's something and hopefully my writing will get better as I do (here's hoping a second course of antibiotics and different steroids for my lungs works!). **

**Sandygirl – Thanks for your review, it motivated me to write every chance I got.**

**Biihzane – It's great that you've caught up. Trust me there is plenty of drama just around the corner… I just have live long enough to write it!**

**Michnkicks – Might not have been soon but it's an update right? Sorry!**

**To all my readers and reviewers – Thank you for your patience, love you all :D**


	174. Chapter 174

**I felt the need for some Linseride time – M rated beginning.**

From the moment her jeans met the floor she felt exposed. The blinds were closed, as was the door, leaving her standing in the soft half-light that still managed to spill into the small office space. Erin stepped out of her jeans and bent to pick them up, folding them before placing them on top of her singlet and cardigan, a neat pile on the office chair. Then she stopped, doing the thing she had been trying to avoid, thinking. What was she doing? She had no idea when the thought had entered her mind, nor when she had decided to act on it. Convinced it had to be her subconscious at work rather than a coincidence that she wore the black lace undergarments she had bought for their anniversary. Her eyes found the glittery photo frame on his desk and settled on his face, maybe that was why. She ached for his touch, desire burning in the pit of her stomach.

Closing her eyes she took a deep steadying breath, a smile gracing her lips as she saw him, spinning on the spot with his arms raised. Opening her eyes again she gave an almost inaudible laugh and moved toward the bed, sitting on the edge. After pulling the hair tie from her hair she flicked it across to the bedside table and settled back, the covers cold against her skin for the briefest moment. She tried a few positions, laughing at herself and the awkwardness she felt in her attempt to appear alluring. As time drifted by, slowly at first, she allowed herself to relax, continuing to avoid thinking anything more serious than adding moisturiser to her mental shopping list. Boredom took its toll and soon she was struggling to keep her eyes open.

She jolted awake some time later feeling disoriented and cold. Goose bumps covered her arms and legs and even curled tightly in a ball on her side she shivered. Inactivity had allowed her body temperature to drop so moving slowly, stiff with cold and suffering from a severely foggy mind she stumbled to his desk. Her clothes hit the floor as she grabbed the sleeve of her cardigan and yanked, pulling it on and holding it closed around herself. She moved back to the bed and sat down, a yawn interfering with her ability to hear him approaching. The distinct sound of a hand on the door handle cleared her mind in an instant, his laughter came next, his colleagues were teasing him about the closed blinds, making insinuations that weren't far from the truth, he didn't know that though. Even with the advanced warning Erin didn't have time to get into the position she had settled on so instead she stood next to his bed, cardigan hanging open and half off one shoulder, when he opened the door. "Hey" She whispered softly, his eyes took a moment to adjust to the low light, searching for her.

"Hey" Kelly returned, blinking rapidly, not entirely sure he wasn't dreaming. "Gorgeous" He commented as he closed the door swiftly.

"Hey" She repeated, letting the cardigan fall but otherwise remaining as still as a statue. A beautiful statue in his opinion, he had no control over the initial rush of blood but managed to calm himself slightly by looking into her eyes, not wanting to presume that she was there in his office in her underwear solely for that purpose. She was so incredibly complex.

"Ah?" He questioned, confusion taking over his flushed face.

"I saw you" She provided mysteriously.

"Hm?" He asked, more confused not less.

"I saw you dance. For Shay" She clarified, as if that were enough to explain why she was in his office in her underwear at half past ten on a Friday.

"Oh?" Kelly acknowledged, at least now he had some idea what she was referring to. Erin didn't say anything more for a few moments, alternating between looking confident and uncertain, eyes blazing as she stared into his eyes or searching the floor as she bit her bottom lip. She wanted to tell him that he was the best father, that she was lucky to have him, that their girls were lucky to have him, that he made their family but she didn't want him to think it was a new thought. She had felt that way about him for a long time.

"You don't dance with me" She said instead, voice flat and neutral, a statement of fact.

"We danced at our wedding" He defended softly, wondering if he was ever going to be able to shift the confusion he felt. His Erin, the woman who had complained endlessly and done everything in her power to sabotage the tradition of a first dance at their wedding reception, was impossible to read accurately but his gut was telling him his wife wanted to dance.

"That was more than a year ago" She argued, though there was still no emotion in her tone.

"Hmph" He scoffed, taking two steps to close the space between them before pulling her into his arms, one hand at her waist, the other tracing the length of her arm and closing around her hand. "If you want to dance, we'll dance" He assured, moving slowly, feet planted, swaying aimlessly. "Though I don't get why you're in your underwear" He teased, thumb moving in circles over the smooth skin of her side.

"I… it's not about dancing with me… it's about dancing for our girl… I wanted to thank you for that" She explained, shaking her head a few times before moving her hand from his chest to the back of his neck, rising up onto her toes to kiss him.

"So we don't need to dance?" He asked when she pulled away, releasing her hand in favour of having a hand either side of her body.

"It is kinda nice though" She shrugged, giving him a look that challenged him to bring up how much she had loathed dancing for their wedding.

"You want to dance then?" He resigned, no longer allowing his confusion to bother him, too focused on the feel of her skin under his fingertips and the view he had of her body.

"I'm not saying that" She answered with a playful smile, it was exactly what she was saying but she knew if she used those words he'd feel like he'd won. Kelly scoffed pulling her body flush against his, one hand flat against the small of her back the other keeping her hips moving with his. She kissed him again, his rhythm faltering as he responded eagerly, hands finding their way to either side of her face. Everything else fell away, unimportant, as they took a moment to reacquaint lips and tongues. The lack of a goodbye kiss was something that Erin had thought about while trying to get to sleep the previous night, dropping them off at the firehouse on the way home from the impromptu celebratory dinner they'd had for Shay. They were definitely well on their way to making up for that, breathing ragged as they focused on maximising the time their lips were in contact.

In the end it was Kelly who decided they needed a break, using his hold on her head to tuck it in under his chin, her ear against his chest, fingers lost in her hair, hips beginning to move again. Erin shifted her hands one just above his hip the other resting over his relaxed bicep, swaying with him. He grew bored of the side to side motion and natural rhythm after a while, hand returning to her lower back as he closed his eyes and thought of a song, adjusting his posture slightly before starting a figure eight pattern against her. Erin let out a soft sigh and relaxed in his hold, staying silent until she realised. A tiny hum of approval was all he got but her heart fluttered and sped when she figured out the song he was remembering to time their movements. It was the only song from a list of a dozen that they'd been able to agree on, the song they'd danced to more than a year ago at their wedding. Their slow, loving dancing soon degraded into the desperate grinding motions teens tended to perfect at high school dances, desperation overwhelming them both. Her hands slid up in under his shirt and their mouths met once again as soon as he'd tugged it up over his head, dropping it to the bed carelessly. The tempo had doubled but he continued to think of the song, the stressed beat coinciding with the moment of maximum pressure.

"I. Love. You" He panted between barely there kisses, exaggerating the rocking movement to force her one step back. His hand found the clasp of her bra and quickly divested her of the delicate garment, both hands trailing down her body to meet the other half of the set. Moving his mouth to her neck allowed him to remove the last of the lace and gave her the chance to speak.

"I love you too… so much" She agreed, moaning as his tongue found her ear. She grabbed him roughly, fingernails digging into his back as she tried to reduce the space between them further. His skin, already moist with a layer of perspiration , moved smoothly against hers. Kelly groaned, his pants impossibly tight by that point, he lifted his wife and lay her down gently on the narrow single bed, kissing her as his hands moved to the button and zip. He stood to peel off his pants and boxers, keeping his eyes on her face though hers didn't meet them. Quick thinking made sure he flicked the lock on the door before crawling onto the bed, a breathy giggle leaving her lips when he ran his fingers lightly over her stomach. His fingers continued down her leg, painfully slowly in her opinion, lifting from behind her knee to hook it around himself. She wriggled beneath him as he leaned forward, resting on his elbows above her as he kissed her and began rocking his hips. She moaned along with his first movement and again to encourage him as he took a deep breath and started the song over in his mind. A moment later she groaned, finding his hips with her hands and angling her own to try to meet them, she needed more than the friction he was providing.

"Trust me" He requested but his own body gave him away, hips jerking sharply when she closed her hand around him.

"I trust you" She promised, nodding and smiling triumphantly when he didn't try to still her guiding hand. Erin made a show of having two empty hands before resting one on his chest and the other behind his neck, pressing her lips to his as he gave in. Pleased with her small victory she didn't mind that he returned to his practiced pace, as slow as she deemed it. The slowest she had ever allowed, distracting herself with his lips, taking complete control and showing incredible restraint at the same time. She was astonished by the level of intensity they had reached, it almost felt sudden given how little effort she was putting into it. It felt so natural to him, deep even strokes, leaning heavily on one elbow so he could cup her breast with the other hand, her tongue working deliciously against his. He couldn't help but wonder if he was boring her, pulling back to send her a questioning look. "Don't stop."

"But…" He started, needing to know that she was enjoying it as much as he was.

"Shh" Erin cut him off, nodding in response to the question he didn't get to ask. He smiled and gave a short, relieved sigh, continuing as he had been. She smiled and nodded, letting him brush away the hair that had fallen across her face, stroking her cheek tenderly and looking deeply into her eyes. Her heart rate settled once more into a steady but thunderous beat, enjoying the building anticipation as she kissed along his jaw. Her greatest concern was that she wouldn't actually be able to get to the edge, to find the release she needed more than anything in that moment, with his pleasant but unspectacular speed. As if reading her mind he started to roll his hips such that pubic bones met for an extended period of time, returning to the figure eight motion he had discovered earlier. "Oh fuck…" She muttered in response, eyes closed tightly, head tipped up.

"Yeah?" Kelly questioned delightedly, watching her head flop from side to side as her back arched to prolong the sensation.

"Mmm" She moaned softly, one hand pulling his hips in at every opportunity, the other gripping his shoulder as if her life depended on it. He couldn't wipe the smile from his face, taking in her dark, lust filled eyes when she did manage to open them, loving the pleasure only he could create. Erin gasped, he shifted again, her second leg wrapping around his waist as he returned to holding himself up on both elbows. Keeping the majority of his weight off her while his hands reached for her face, thumbs sliding over her cheeks before pushing hair behind her ears, dipping his head down to kiss her lightly a few times. The song playing in his head had reached the final chorus, stirring and swelling to a climax he was determined to match. His wife's breathing grew shorter and sharper, placing him in the ultimate position of power, able to trigger her release as soon as he was ready. Gaze drifting from her scrunched eyes to her moist parted lips then further down to her breasts, pressed firmly to his chest. Her chest rose as she inhaled in anticipation, taking his head in her hands and pressing a hard kiss to his forehead, all he needed to give a final push. Explosive best captured the instantaneous eternity they shared before he was able to move voluntarily, rolling off of her to lay alongside instead.

"I like dancing with you" He shared, cheesy grin at its best, letting his hand roam freely.

"Hm…" She didn't want to admit that she had thoroughly enjoyed it and she definitely didn't want to say something in the heat of the moment that he could use against her. She just wanted to lose herself in his eyes.

"… a wonderful surprise but… just one question" He paused to request, only saying half of what he thought aloud.

"Mm?" She nodded, impatient.

"Where are the girls?" He enquired, feeling somewhat flattered that she had planned this.

"Cindy" She answered, dismissing the thought of getting up to check her phone, she'd much rather cuddle against him, safe, warm, loved.

"Ahh" He accepted, leaning down to kiss whatever skin he found as as he reached for his discarded shirt, it had been beneath his knee so he knew where it was, pulling it up over her.

"Thanks" She smiled, arranging the fabric for maximum warmth before cupping his cheek and angling his head to look at him better, thumb playing with his light stubble. They stayed that way for a long time, attentive to the slightest movements of facial muscles and attuned to each other's thoughts. Their peace shattered by the alarm, communicating their dismay in groans and looks. "Duty calls" She shrugged, knowing he'd stay if he could, in fact he still hadn't moved and was seriously considering staying exactly where he was.

"Hmph" He frowned, wrapping his arms around her tightly and burying his face in the crook of her neck, wondering if he could pretend that he hadn't heard.

"Go on" She ordered, kissing his hair as she tried to peel him away. He played dead weight for a moment then got up, rounding the bed to retrieve his pants. Erin sat up, reluctantly surrendering the warm cotton shirt to its rightful owner, laying back down the moment he took it.

"Tell me you'll be like that when I get back" He sought optimistically, unable to tear his eyes from her sprawled, naked form.

"I'll have dinner ready when you get home tonight" She offered as an alternative, appealing to his stomach.

"Mmm… I suppose I can live with that" He accepted, running his hands through his hair to smooth it.

"Go, I married a hero, save some lives. Stay safe though" She added, having risen from the bed and pulled the long cardigan around herself, knowing he'd stand a better chance of leaving if she was at least partially covered. Still he hesitated. "Eat this" She bribed, moving quickly to his desk where her container of muffins sat, removing one and stuffing it into his hand.

"God I love you" He sighed deeply, accepting her kiss on the cheek before turning away and opening the door. By the time he'd taken two steps and a bite of the muffin he felt in the right frame of mind to work. Erin watched through the blinds until he was out of sight then turned to look over the room. There wasn't much to be done before following him out of the office, gathering her clothes and dressing the obvious first priority, straightening the bed and tidying generally before collecting the plastic container from his desk. She opened the blinds slowly, checking that the coast was clear before leaving, stopping by the bathroom on her way out of the abandoned firehouse. Outside she experienced one of those strangely still and quiet moments, where the possibility of being the last living being on earth creeps into the mind of its own accord, walking the length of the block before she spotted a moving vehicle. Shaking off the unsettled feeling she crossed the street before pulling out her phone, calmed by the lack of messages. Once she had delivered the last of the muffins she would be able to get home, hopefully before Cindy in the girls.

"Erin, lovely to see you" Platt greeted, reaching across her desk to shove two uniforms aside so she could see the person she was speaking to.

"Ah… It was great that you could come to the concert, I made these…" She smiled, brushing aside her sympathy for the officers as she placed the muffin on the desk, swallowing when she then attempted the impossible in trying to read the desk sergeant. "Anyway, thank you. It meant a lot to Shay" She finished, wondering if a quick escape was her best chance.

"Well thank you!" The older woman positively beamed, the biggest smile Erin had ever seen her wear, causing her to remain where she was. "Never been to one of those things before but Shay is a beautiful little thing, Nadia mentioned it… I know I wasn't invited" Platt raised.

"I'm sorry" Erin apologised immediately, she hadn't even ever considered that Platt would want to attend that sort of thing.

"No, no, you're busy" Platt brushed off, though Erin wasn't sure if she should read more into the conflicting look she received. "It's busy being a mum, isn't it?" It sounded like a serious enquiry so after a moment of confusion Erin answered as if it were.

"Uh, yeah, it can be" She nodded, the silence extended uncomfortably until she continued. "Ember's almost big enough for the uniform you made Shay…"

"Does that mean you'll be coming back soon?" The sergeant enquired, turning the muffin three hundred and sixty degrees as she inspected the patterned paper, trying to look as if she didn't really care about the answer.

"I guess" Erin allowed, unwilling to commit in that moment. "I'll bring you a photo" She smiled, effectively ending the conversation. Shay had been such a small baby in comparison to her little sister that the size of the outfit had little bearing on age and therefore a return to work. She just wanted to hand out the muffins and get home to her girls.

"Can't wait, I'll buzz you up. Take care now" Platt called after the younger woman, watching her walk confidently toward the stairs.

"You too" Erin returned without looking back. "Thanks" She added out of obligation when the metal gate buzzed and clicked unlocked, allowing her upstairs, the part of the building where she felt most comfortable.

"Hey" Burgess greeted, looking up from her paperwork at the sound of footsteps approaching.

"Hi, where is everyone?" Erin asked, moving a little further to check that Alvin wasn't hiding around the corner before stopping in front of her old desk.

"Voight and O are downstairs with a suspect, Dawson and Halstead have one in interrogation and Adam and Atwater are out babysitting a witness" Kim listed, dropping her pen and leaning back in her chair.

"And you got stuck on paperwork?" She nodded, giving a sympathetic look.

"Somebody has to do it properly" Kim joked.

"Powell?" She enquired, Kim hadn't mentioned their tech expert in her overview.

"Off sick."

"Oh?"

"I think it's his wife. Dunno though, I'll ask tomorrow" Kim decided aloud.

"Tomorrow?" Erin questioned, she didn't want to seem nosy but she also didn't want to miss out on something important.

"Adam and I are babysitting Ruby. I think… I'll have to double check now though" Kim realised, wondering if she should be expecting a call from Powell to cancel the arrangement. She had planned a picnic at a park for their morning with the little girl, it was a test for her fiancé more than anything.

"Good idea" She agreed, depending on the circumstances she could see herself forgetting to cancel a babysitter. She leaned against the corner of Halstead's desk and cleared her throat, looking around once more before asking. "How… how are you?" It was clear she intended the question far more deeply than usual.

"Getting back to normal" Kim assured with a small, sad smile. "Well normal plus wedding planning."

"Have you picked a date yet?" Erin asked, trying to sound genuinely interested.

"We're trying, his parents are impossible… mine aren't much better, they think some cruise to Australia is more important than my wedding" Kim grumbled.

"I'm sure they don't" She defended, though she hadn't met the people Kim seemed like the sort to have a decent family.

"Australia… what's the bloody appeal? Sharks, snakes, spiders… weird accents… 'Mate'…" Kim ranted, flicking her pen and slamming the top desk drawer shut in frustration. "Sorry" She apologised the moment she made eye contact following her outburst.

"Vent away" Erin shrugged, unfazed. Kim looked startled and remained silent so Erin took the opportunity to bring up why she was there, maybe a muffin would do the frazzled officer some good. "I just wanted to bring these around to thank everyone for yesterday… there are some for Al and Atwater, and Nadia too… They can fight over Powell's" She explained as she set the container down in front of Kim.

"Oh, that's great, he doesn't let us out for lunch most of the time" Kim commented offhandedly, paling slightly when the man she was referring to appeared.

"Erin" Hank greeted gruffly, wiping blood from his knuckles with a square of paper towel, quickly scrunching and tossing into the bin beside Halstead's desk when she noticed it. There was no question what they'd been doing, Alvin sliding into place behind his desk without acknowledging anyone, typing rapidly.

"Hank, don't worry I'm leaving. Not here to distract anyone" Erin answered, raising her hands in surrender before backing away slowly, abandoning the idea of retrieving the last container she had brought baked goods in from the break room.

"My office… for a minute? A word? Please" Hank revised continuously, trying to put the suspect and case out of his mind.

"Sure" She nodded, hands dropping to her sides as she followed him into his office, he closed the door then paused to pull out a chair for her.

"Where are my girls?" He questioned as she sat down, expecting him to do the same on the other side of the desk, instead he remained standing.

"My girls are with Cindy at the library… I thought I was your girl, and I'm right here" She teased playfully.

"You are my girl" He assured, running his fingers through his hair before sitting on the edge of his desk, almost leaning over her, posture that worked well in interrogation on occasion. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about" He continued.

"Really?" She asked, unsure where he was going.

"Yeah, you know we always used to get everyone around for the fourth…"

"Mhmm. Back in the day" She nodded, thinking back to summer days in their backyard as a teen, wearing shorts he'd constantly complain about being too short and tight singlets emblazoned with the flag, supposedly in the name of patriotism.

"Well I figured you'd do it this year now you've got the grill all set up" He shared with what he hoped was a persuasive smile.

"Um…" She hesitated, mind working quickly to process what he had said.

"Don't worry" He started, hands gesturing softly to calm her wide-eyed expression. "I've got an outdoor setting being delivered to your place tomorrow morning, table with bench seats – plenty of space for everyone. And I'll buy the meat and tell everyone to bring a plate, it shouldn't be too much work for you" He comforted.

"Uh" She still didn't know what to say.

"You can say no…" He shrugged, thought he clearly had already planned it. She wasn't sure she'd heard him correctly, would he really buy and organise the delivery of a table and seats without so much as mentioning it to her? "We could try and get a spot at the lake, flash a badge or two…" He allowed.

"No, no I don't mind" She nodded, deciding that it wouldn't hurt to have everyone over, in a little over two weeks. "It'll be good. I just hadn't thought that far ahead. The fourth… already?"

"Year's going quick, they all do" He shrugged cynically. "It'll be Thanksgiving and Christmas before you know it…"

"I'll be back by then" She realised, July meant Ember would be turning four months old, she still hadn't come to terms with going back to work in three months, before she knew it it would only be two.

"Plenty of time for that" He dismissed, sensing she was distracted. "You up for hostin' or not?"

"Yeah, sure. People aren't staying for the fireworks are they? They seem to get later each year. Shay doesn't like that sort of thing anyway… hopefully she'll sleep through it" She trailed off, mind somewhere else yet again.

"That's up to you, it's still a while off. I just wanted to get in early" He justified, two weeks was more notice than he'd given for their anniversary barbeque, two days more like it, with compulsory attendance.

"Okay, I'll start thinking about it and I'll bring it up with Kelly tonight…maybe" She agreed, not wanting him to think she would defer to her husband on the matter.

"Tell him I'll let him help on the grill, I think he liked that. Has a lot to learn before I hand over the tongs though…" Hank reflected, far more seriously than Erin expected given the topic.

"I'll be sure to tell him that…" She nodded, though she wasn't sure bringing that up would actually help the situation at all.

"I can talk to him on Sunday if he needs persuading" Hank assured.

"No, I can handle it" She shook her head, her phone beeped in her pocket but she didn't move to check it. "Look I've got to go get the girls… I brought muffins, promise me you'll eat one?"

"I promise."

"Be careful yeah?" She questioned as she stood, wrapping her arms around him lightly for the quickest hug before moving to the door.

"Get out of here" He complained, ruffling her hair as he held open the door for her, she pulled a face and pointed to the container of muffins before saying goodbye to Kim and heading for the stairs. It wasn't until she reached the footpath out the front that she pulled out her phone, expecting a text message from Cindy. Instead it was her husband '_Done being a hero. Come back?_' She smiled and sent him a reply, lying to say that she was already home, glad she had parked around the corner from the entrance to the firehouse and wouldn't have to sneak by. He didn't respond and she was somewhat amused to think she had annoyed him, she concentrated on making her lie the truth though. Cindy's car wasn't anywhere in sight but Erin left the gate open for them, expecting them any moment. She didn't waste the child free time, busying herself putting on a load of washing, changing sheets and giving the bathrooms a once over before becoming concerned that she hadn't heard from Cindy. Erin hoped they were just having fun at the library and had lost track of time, refraining from calling until another half hour had passed. The phone rang out so she left a message and sent a text, pacing in front of the window until the pale blue minivan pulled up.

"Hey" She greeted, out the door and down the stairs by the time Cindy got out of the car.

"Hey" Cindy replied, surprised by Erin's eagerness.

"You didn't get my call?" She asked and explained at the same time.

"No, sorry. Is everything okay?" Cindy paused to check.

"Yeah. I was just… Is Emmy alright?" She questioned, not sure that the baby had ever been so long without a feed.

"She's fine, put herself to sleep sucking her little finger" Cindy calmed, sliding open the door so that Erin could see her girls, safe and secure in their car seats.

"Good, thank you. Hey princess, you have fun?" She smiled as Shay wriggled her way out of the seat and made her way to her mother.

"I gotted new books Mama" Shay explained, holding up her bulging library bag.

"Come on inside and you can show me" Erin encouraged, setting down the toddler so she could take Ember's car seat from Cindy.

"I wasn't sure how many she was allowed… How did you get her children's borrowing privileges?" Cindy enquired, watching as Shay dragged her library up the path toward the stairs.

"I don't know, it's great though" Erin summarized, now wanting to tell the whole story. "Your five could probably borrow half the library if they worked together" She joked, though when she thought about that seriously it would be a lot of library books to read and return on time.

"Working together?! And keeping track of five library cards… just you wait" Cindy shook her head, laughing softly.

"No way I'm having five" She set straight instantly.

"You know what I mean though" Cindy shrugged.

"I've got it easy with one?" Erin questioned, teasing the older woman with an offended look.

"Something like that…" Cindy nodded then cringed apologetically.

"You want to stay for lunch?" She asked, getting rid of any tension there might be.

"I'd love to. There's something I want your opinion on…" Cindy agreed, following Erin.

"I'm intrigued" Erin admitted, watching Shay pull off her shoes once they were inside.

"It's why I missed your call" Cindy explained, keeping the younger woman in suspense.

"Shay sweetie, pop your books away and wash your hands, I'll read you one before your nap and you can show me then" She instructed the toddler.

"Umkay" Shay agreed, a little disappointed but looking forward to the time she would have with her mother before her nap.

"Come on, you can talk while I make lunch" Erin told Cindy, keeping Ember's car seat in hand as she led the way to the kitchen, placing it on the bench before gathering ingredients and giving Cindy an encouraging look.

"There was a lady at the library, works in recruitment for the community college. We got talking and she says I could become a teacher's assistant if I did some classes while the kids are at school… Apparently lots of people are doing it, and I don't want to go back to working for my dad. I always wanted to be a teacher, of little ones, a preschool class maybe?" Cindy shared excitedly.

"Wow, that…that sounds great."

"I'll still be able to look after your girls if Kelly has them two days a week like he used to. And it'll be eighteen months at least before I'm qualified so Shay'll be old enough for Kindy, maybe preschool even… I don't know about Emmy" Cindy continued, she'd put some thought into it.

"Don't worry about that, they're my responsibility, you should do what you want to do. If you've always wanted to then why not? You're not exactly old…" She reminded, not one to think that a career had to be built from an early age.

"Thanks. And the extra money would be nice, two incomes…" Cindy contemplated. "Do you really think I could do it?"

"Absolutely, give it a go" Erin motivated, not seeing a downside to trying it out.

"I'll talk to Chris and the kids, see what they think" Cindy decided, sounding less and less convinced by the minute.

"It's just a few days a week… and I can look after your kids anytime you need" Erin offered, it was only fair and might be the push Cindy needed to take the idea seriously.

"Yeah… You're right. I think I'm going to do it" Cindy declared after thinking for a moment.

"Great. Now, apple or orange juice to celebrate?"

"Orange please."

"Ooh, what are your plans for the fourth?" Erin remembered as she cut the sandwiches and placed them on three plates.

"Uh… that's like two weeks away… I think Nate has a baseball game in the morning… Why? Are you planning something?" Cindy asked, accepting one of the plates and a glass of juice.

"Yeah, I was going to invite everyone around, from the twenty-first and fifty-one, just people who don't already have family plans. Hank bought us a barbeque and some furniture…" She expanded, stacking the plates and hooking the car seat over her arm so she could carry everything in one trip.

"Sounds great, we'll come as long as I can make my Nan's pretzel cheesecake" Cindy agreed, it was a long held family tradition.

"Sure, I can't wait to try it."

"Mama what lunch?" Shay asked, watching the plate and juice being set down at her place from the doorway.

"Sandwiches and juice" Erin explained gently, beckoning the toddler over.

"I muffin" Shay requested, pointing to the kitchen instead.

"The muffins are all gone."

"You eated 'em!" Shay accused, disbelieving but outraged by the only explanation she could think of.

"No" Erin shook her head. "I gave them to your aunts and uncles, and Daddy and Chase, Grandpa Russ and Grandpa Hank…" She clarified, thinking of her busy morning delivering muffins across the city.

"Umkay, I eat that" Shay shrugged, climbing up onto her chair so she could peel open the sandwich and look at the fillings. She seemed to decide it was good enough and began to eat.

"Thank you" Erin extended to the little girl, letting her know that she was pleased with her decision.

"You sure I can't keep her?" Cindy asked quietly and hopefully, gesturing to Shay who didn't demonstrate any of the fussiness her kids did when it came to eating.

"I'm sure."

**So this was long and not too great… I feel like I rambled on a bit and gave too much detail when I could have cut scene and moved through the Hank conversation and Cindy conversation much more quickly... It just didn't feel right. Sorry. I'm trying to stay true to my plan even though I would have liked some of these events to line up with the real thing… eg. 4****th**** of July – I need help on that one!**

**American readers: Are there any important foods/games/traditions I need to include? For Australia Day we usually have a barbeque, chill by the pool and play backyard cricket… So that's kinda what I picture but with American flags everywhere! In my last year of school we had an American exchange student and she made an amazing pretzel cheesecake (perfect combo of sweet and salty – not sure if it's a common thing but it is distinctly American and the only thing I could think of so I went with it…).**

**Again I'm rambling… Hope this was bearable :) **


	175. Chapter 175

"Hand me the screwdriver" Hank requested, looking at Chase, who was nearest the tool, then Kelly since he didn't appear to be doing anything.

"Sure" Kelly nodded after making eye contact with Chase, twisting the Allen key awkwardly in the 'V' shaped bracing of the upturned wooden bench seat. He lifted the ratcheting screwdriver, one of his favourite purchases, flipped it in his hand then extended the handle to Russ, who was closer to Hank and would be able to pass it on.

"Shit" Russ swore openly, knocking the bag of screws with his elbow as he leaned across to give Hank the screwdriver.

"I'll get 'em" Chase volunteered, knowing his uncle wouldn't stand a chance locating them in the thick grass without his glasses on, glasses he had lost and been unable to find. His vision wasn't particularly bad but the fiddly activity of getting the small screws into the pre-drilled holes was difficult enough with large fingers when he could see. Earlier he had been using his prescription lens sunglasses, as the sun sank lower though and was obscured by the house the darkened lenses made it impossible to see.

"Thanks" Russ accepted, shifting slightly to get out of the younger man's way, trying to make it easy for Chase to locate the screws.

"Don't move, you'll flick them everywhere!" Chase complained loudly, leaning heavily on the older man's shoulder to keep him in place.

"Sorry" Russ apologised hurriedly, attempting to shift back into his original position, Chase held him in place, though, crouching down to start picking shiny silver screws out of the grass.

"Make sure you get them all" Hank contributed unhelpfully.

"I'm trying. How many am I looking for? Three, four…five…" Chase counted aloud as he waited for an answer.

"Uh… four less than last time?" Russ offered uncertainly.

"That's…" Chase hesitated.

"Thirteen" Kelly supplied before Chase could form the word.

"Seven… eight. Stop moving, you're making them fall further into the grass" He complained frustratedly, worried he wouldn't be able to find them all.

"When was the last time you mowed this?" Hank questioned, brushing a hand over the thick grass, it was a vast improvement on the patch of dirt they'd started with but it seemed Kelly had let it go a bit, on the verge of five inches by his measure.

"Only a few weeks…" Kelly shrugged, he liked it a little longer because it was softer when Shay inevitably fell over.

"We'll you'll have to do it again before the fourth" Hank informed flatly, never one for small talk Kelly had been surprised by the question, now it made perfect sense. Erin had told him her dad was determined to recreate a fun family fourth, an attempt to maximise quality time with them and going to a real effort perhaps for the first time since his wife's death.

"I will, I've been busy."

"Busy" Hank almost snorted, a confusing mix of amused and annoyed. "Helpin' out with the kids huh?" He pressed, clearly unhappy about something.

"Yeah, I try to do my bit" Kelly nodded, fumbling with the nut he was trying to screw onto the bolt, nervous.

"When was the last time you changed a diaper?" Hank demanded, brown meeting blue in a clear challenge.

"This morning" Kelly answered flatly. "I help with their baths and I read to Shay before bed every night I'm home" He added when the older man's unsatisfied look remained.

"The easy jobs…"

"He cooks too, he cooked last night. It was really nice" Chase defended, forgetting the search for lost screws as the tension rose.

"Erin's got to feed Emmy all hours of the night" Hank reminded seriously.

"She's got her in a good routine, eleven and half past two" Kelly nodded, thinking he might get a break for knowing what times Ember was fed during the night. There could be no argument that he'd been doing everything he could save feeding the baby himself, he just wasn't sure Hank had ever forgiven him for letting Erin sleep on the couch when Ember was tiny.

"She wake you up?" He took his time to come up with the questions, never long or complex, each making a point of its own.

"No, not normally" Kelly conceded, it didn't make sense for them both to wake up for the baby when only her mother could feed her.

"See, you're on a full night's sleep. You could help out more…" Hank was happy to leave it at that, knowing he'd made his argument.

"Hank, give the guy a break. He works you know" Russ reminded, it was a public space so he didn't feel bad about getting involved in their discussion. He had argued with Hank enough over the years.

"I know" Hank accepted casually. "I'm just sayin' Er keeps this place going…"

"And I really appreciate all the work she does" Kelly assured, hoping Hank could see that he meant what he was saying.

"You tell her that?" He was at it again.

"Hank" Erin warned, having heard only the last bit of the exchange, suspecting that if Russ were involved it wasn't a new topic.

"There's my girl" Hank smiled, reaching out an arm to gesture at her.

"You're unbelievable!" Erin scoffed, shaking her head.

"I'm just lookin' out for you" He defended, scowling at the way her husband assumed a kicked puppy expression, it was pathetic.

"I don't need you to look out for me" She made very clear, commanding him to stop nonverbally. "Drop something Chase?" She asked, giving a severe frown before looking away to the youngest man.

"Just some screws" Chase replied, counting those he had already collected and held in the palm of his hand. Twelve.

"Well you'd better find them, we can't afford to get sued if this collapses on people" Erin teased.

"You saying it'll collapse?" Russ asked, feigning offence.

"Doesn't exactly look sturdy" She admitted softly, not wanting to criticize their work but letting them know they had some way to go.

"And where's your engineering degree?" Russ pondered with a wiggle of the eyebrows, he'd often teased her like this over the years. She'd make a statement and he'd demand evidence or proof that she was qualified to make that call.

"I was just bringing you beer and sharing an opinion. I can go if you'd prefer…" She shrugged, raising the four beer bottles as she turned and started to walk away, making it a few paces before turning back. Offering the first bottle to her husband.

"Thanks babe." Then to her son.

"Yeah, thanks." Father.

"Thanks." And finally to Russ.

"Thank you" He exaggerated, bowing as best he could for a middle aged man sitting on the grass.

"The girls back yet?" Chase asked tipping the screws into the bag and taking a sip of his beer, chuffed to have found the last one.

"Not yet" She shook her head. Nadia and Katie had taken Shay shopping, not that they'd said what they were shopping for, just that they'd be back in time for dinner. Chase seemed satisified with her response and moved back to his original position, getting back to work with the Allen key. "I'll come back and check in a bit" Erin declared when they seemed to have forgotten her in favour of the project at hand. "You want the light on?" She paused to ask.

"Not yet" Kelly answered quickly, an executive decision. It was dumb but it made him feel better, like he had some control. "Thanks though" He added, giving her a small smile. "Emmy asleep?"

"Yeah, exhausted herself rolling over. She's getting really good. I videoed some of it, I'll have to show you when you're done" Erin shared, proud of her baby's achievement.

"You can test these out for us" Russ suggested, patting one of the bench seats.

"No way" She denied instantly, laughing as she shook her head.

"You've got to be the lightest, it's a safety precaution" Chase contributed lightly, just trying to join in the fun.

"Haha, sure" She finished sarcastically, heading back up the stairs and into the house

"Never mention a woman's weight! Didn't you learn that when you had Mrs Sanderson in grade three?" Russ scolded, reminding his nephew of a particularly embarrassing childhood moment.

"Erin doesn't care…" Chase defended, unlike the insecure grade school teacher she was hardly going to cry over a light-hearted comment, especially one that pointed out she weighed less than they did. Russ still made it clear with a look that it wasn't acceptable and Chase knew better than to argue, turning his attention back to the job at hand.

"So you and Nadia pretty serious then?" Russ raised sometime later. They'd fallen into silence but the simple repetitive task he was performing called for some form of mental stimulation, even if that was just giving the kid a hard time.

"Uh…" It was an unexpected question so Chase didn't even have the beginning of an answer in mind.

"I'd say so" Kelly contributed without looking up.

"Oi… I've never complained!" Chase reacted, immediately defensive.

"I meant you never shut up about her" Kelly clarified, giving the younger man a punch in the arm for jumping to inappropriate conclusions. "I'm with you 24/7 or close enough and she's on always on your mind…"

"Well, she's pretty amazing" Chase confessed after a moment, eyes glazing over as he left the backyard in a memory.

"Almost as good as your 'mum' in a car" Russ added, it was clear he wasn't entirely comfortable with the young man's use of the word. As often as he'd disagreed with his sister regarding his nephew he didn't think it reasonable for Chase to renounce her role in his life entirely.

"She's good on patrol, her partner's not too bad either" Hank offered, he'd been watching the pair closely.

"Watson" Chase named in a grumble.

"You don't like him?" Kelly questioned, his wife had told him about the young man, speaking rather highly of him, it was interesting to hear someone else's opinion.

"Nah… looks at her funny" Chase justified, not sure he would like any man who spent more time with his girlfriend than he did.

"Well he's good police, has her back" Hank offered, his best attempt at being friendly.

"You pulling your weight around here? Or are you too busy writing shit love poems? She's not the type for that so don't waste your time" Russ started back in, feeling left out of the conversation.

"I don't write love poems!" Chase snapped with a disgruntled expression to match.

"You did when you were twelve" Russ teased.

"Shut up… I do stuff around here. I change diapers and look after the girls too… I do the dishwasher a lot and I take the garbage out…sometimes" He defended, using Kelly's earlier response as a scaffold.

"Should be doing more than that if you aren't paying board... My parents charged us fifty bucks a month from the day we turned fourteen" Russ informed, not for the first time.

"And you started working at the gas station, five a.m. starts… peddling your bike in the snow… I know" Chase dismissed, they'd had this exact conversation a few months after he'd moved in with the Severide's.

"So you should be a little more grateful of what these people are doing for you!" Russ exclaimed, frustrated.

"Kelly I'm real grateful" Chase turned to deliver sincerely, looking to his uncle for approval.

"You don't have to say it Ace, you're family" Kelly shrugged, if the older men, who didn't live with them, decided that they weren't doing enough around the house the least they could do was stick together.

"Gosh you lot gossip like hens in a hen house, shut up and screw! My end's done. Need me to come over there and help?" Hank questioned gruffly, getting up to stretch his stiff legs, not serious about helping them.

"No, we've got it. Could you get Erin to flick the light?" Chase asked as the older man collected their empty beer bottles and making his way across the yard.

"Hopeless, never used a damn light switch before?!" Hank seethed facetiously, loud enough for them to hear.

"You playing nice with the other kids?" Erin questioned, pulling the door open for Hank just as he reached it.

"Mmm" He grunted, moving around the kitchen with familiar ease to dispose of the glass bottles in the recycling bin.

"Hank, I thought you'd moved past giving him a hard time for everything" Erin said, sounding disappointed. "He works twenty-four hour shifts… He deserves a break on his days off" She justified.

"So he gets four days off a week? How many do you get?" He questioned seriously, wondering if she was blind to the blatant disparity.

"That's a choice I made. I'm an adult, I'm a mum" She established. "And I get time off too."

"Yeah when Cindy Herrmann watches the kids – not your husband" He grumbled, maybe it was hypocritical given the lack of time he'd spent at home but she was his daughter and he wasn't going to let her hard work go unrecognised.

"Just stop. I can stand up for myself, you taught me that!" She argued, leaning back against the bench, physically distancing herself.

"You taught yourself" He assured moving after her to reach out and touch her arm softly, he couldn't take credit but it forced him to remember how much she'd taught herself, how inherently tough she was. She could and would stand up for herself, it was just difficult for him to stand back and let her when all he wanted was the very best for her. "We're picking on the kid now anyway…" He chuckled.

"Do I need to come out there and supervise?" She questioned seriously, shaking her head at the level of immaturity four adult men combined could achieve.

"No, but more beer'd be nice" He shrugged, giving her a small smile.

"I'll be out in a sec" She agreed, not sure her words had been what did it in the end but satisfied he was finished.

"Thanks kid" He nodded, patting her upper arm before making his way back to the door, turning on the light before going outside to see if he could harass the others enough to get the table and seats assembled by sundown. The baby monitor crackled to life on the far bench, soft wails making Erin to take one last look outside, to her surprise the four men were laughing, turning she shook her head and walked away.

"I'm on my way bubba" She comforted through the baby monitor as Ember grew more distressed, usually the sound of her voice was enough to calm the infant. Erin wasn't sure what it was exactly, volume, pitch or something else that set her heart racing, mother's instincts perhaps, but she sped up the stairs and along the hall. The moment she stepped into the bedroom she could see the problem, Ember had rolled onto her stomach right along the side of the crib, one little arm sticking out through the railings. Red faced and screaming the baby tried to right herself, left arm flapping in the air while her right tried to do all the work, she simply wasn't strong enough. "Hey, hey Em, you're okay, it's okay, I've got you" Erin assured as she lifted her baby, settling her upright against her chest. She rocked and soothed her daughter, stroking Ember's hair and cheeks and patting her back as she headed downstairs, mindful she had told Hank she would provide beer promptly. Chase had beaten her to it though, adjusting his grip on the four bottles as he tried to get the back door open. "Sorry, I'll get it."

"Thanks, I can open the fridge though" Chase sighed, stepping aside so that she could get to the door.

"I know you can" She assured as they took the stairs together, she suspected either Russ or Hank had forced the young man inside to fetch the drinks. "How's it going?" She questioned as she approached their work space, deciding not to comment on the lack of visible progress.

"Almost done" Hank provided, sitting on the only completed seat to watch the other's work.

"Em okay?" Kelly asked, leaving his beer resting on the underside of the table as he got up to check on Ember, whimpering softly.

"Yeah, she just scared herself" Erin shrugged, bouncing the baby though that didn't seem to make a difference. Kelly was quick to extend his hands, scooping up Ember and pressing a kiss to his wife's head in one swift movement.

"What'd she do?" He asked, attempting to calm the baby his own way, cradling her in his arm and tickling her stomach.

"She just got a little stuck. Couldn't roll herself back over" She explained, taking a little foot as it kicked out at her. She didn't mean to upset the baby, quickly releasing the foot and moving away when it became clear she had.

"Aww, poor Emmy-bear" Chase cooed, moving closer and giving Kelly a questioning look. The younger man seemed to have a talent for quieting his little sister so Kelly handed the baby over without hesitation, placing a hand on his wife's back as he stood next to her.

"Give her here, you keep working" Hank ordered gruffly as soon as Chase had stopped Ember crying, the young man obeyed reluctantly. Ember fussed for a moment as she was transferred then settled in her grandpa's arms, not yet her usual smiley self but subdued and content to observe.

"I should…" Kelly told his wife softly, rubbing her lower back before returning to work on the table, knowing his father-in-law would soon have something to day about it if he didn't.

"MAMA!" Shay shouted from somewhere inside, announcing their arrival.

"How about you give her to me and you can all keep working?" Erin suggested, taking the baby from Hank and gesturing to the way the other three were all busy securing screws and bolts. "If it's not done in the next half hour we're eating inside."

"It'll be done" Russ assured, determined.

"Could you send the girls out to help?" Chase requested hopefully, a few extra pairs of hands would seriously help, especially when they had to lift and orientate the massive table.

"Sure" She nodded.

"Might actually get done" Hank concluded, sounding surprised. It was done, righted and set fifteen minutes later, though the men all seemed to agree for the first time that evening when they refused to admit it was down to Nadia and Katie's help. They credited the young women for setting the table but nothing more, Erin remained impartial.

"Thank you all…" She began, emphasising the last word.

"ME!" Shay interrupted loudly.

"Yes Shay, thank you, shh" Erin requested before starting again. "Thank you all for getting this together, when I saw it was flat pack I almost backed out of hosting... Hank, I'm sure we'll spend a lot of time out here over the coming months and it's perfect for the fourth" She finished.

"I'm thinking we could put up one of those shade sails next weekend…" Hank suggested, sitting out in the blazing sun all day wasn't appealing and he didn't think it would be much work. Kelly and Chase exchanged a look, already trying to figure out how to get out of it, even Russ didn't appear too thrilled by the prospect. Erin and the two young women barely contained their laughter.

"Anyway… I'm going to take the girls up" Erin added, Ember was full, sleepy and ready for bed, and Shay had tomato sauce smeared across her face and hands, ready for a bath.

"No, we are" Chase volunteered, giving Kelly a shove as they both rose to their feet.

"And we'll clear up" Nadia declared, looking to Katie before they stood and started to collect plates.

"Okay…" Erin accepted, she hadn't expected that they would abandon their evening on her account.

"I've got to get going" Russ shared, checking his phone before getting up and giving Erin a sideways hug.

"Me too" Hank said as he followed the other man's lead.

"Oh, okay. Bye" Erin waved, finding it odd that she had said she was leaving only for almost everyone else to do so before she could. "Come on then princess" She shook her head, taking one of Shay's slimy hands to help the toddler down from the seat.

"We've got it" Kelly assured, taking Ember before she could do anything to stop him. She released Shay's hand as Chase tugged the toddler away, standing stunned as she watched everyone making their way up the back stairs. It took her a moment but she gathered the placemats, the only things left on the table, and carried them inside. Wiping them down and putting them away as Katie and Nadia stacked the dishwasher.

"We've got to go too" Katie explained once they were finished, sensing Erin was about to suggest they do something together.

"Okay."

"We have work tomorrow" Nadia justified, sensing Erin's disappointment.

"It's fine, thanks for coming and for helping with the table and buying Shay that colouring book…" She trailed off, walking with the pair to the front door.

"It was fun" Katie dismissed, not needing the thanks.

"I think some people thought we were her lesbian parents though…" Nadia laughed, she was used to receiving strange looks when she took Shay out with Chase but when accompanied by her best friend the number seemed to increase dramatically.

"You're a bit young…" Erin remarked, hopeful that the majority of the population were above making such absurd judgments based on nothing more than a look.

"Don't judge!" Nadia teased, knowing what Erin was trying to say. They laughed then exchanged goodbyes before leaving, Erin closing the door after them. She locked the back door, turned off the outside light and fed Sooty before heading upstairs, planning to join the remainder of her family in the bathroom.

"We've got this under control" Kelly assured when she dipped her hand into the bath he'd run for Ember, checking it was the right temperature.

"I know" She defended, allowing him to lower the baby into the bath even though she could see he'd forgotten to remove her socks.

"We don't need help" He added, peeling off the wet socks and sending her a frustrated look, she could have warned him. It made sense that she hadn't but it was still annoying.

"Well what exactly am I supposed to be doing?" She demanded, handing him the wash cloth before he even reached for it.

"I don't know…go relax" He suggested with a shrug.

"So Hank got to you both?" She accused.

"Pfft!" Chase spluttered in a poor attempt to cover that she had picked it first go.

"No! You just deserve a break" Kelly reasoned lightly.

"Sure" She frowned, leaving them to bathe the girls since it was clearly what they both wanted. It wasn't what she wanted though, she wasn't sure there'd be time for that though so spending time as a family was the compromise she decided upon, now she didn't even get that. She laid out clothes for Ember and changed into her pyjamas, brushing her teeth and settling into bed. Closing tabs on her phone she sighed deeply.

"See, don't you feel better?" Kelly asked, making his way into the room, Ember dozing wrapped in her towel in his arms.

"Mmm" She mumbled.

"What's wrong?" He questioned, focused on dressing Ember but turning to look over his shoulder at her.

"I just wanted to talk to you…" She shrugged, it was far from urgent.

"Well this little one's almost asleep. Chase is reading with Shay and we still have three quarters of an hour before I have to leave for work…" He comforted gently.

"Okay" She smiled, looking across at the clock to see that he was right, it was earlier than she thought. "Just make sure you tuck her tightly so she can't roll" She requested as she watched her husband putting their baby to bed, he was so gentle and loving.

"All done. Now what did you want to talk about?" He asked as he left Ember and moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Well…" She hesitated, laughing nervously. "To be completely honest I'd rather 'dance' with you…"

"Oh?"

"I've been wanting to all day…" She admitted, biting her lip, never sure if men liked it when women were forward. "Please?"

"Babe" He whispered. Erin looked up, eyes meeting his, it was clear he didn't mind at all, that he would never deny her that particular request. He didn't hesitate to lean down and kiss her, pulling at the sheets to join her beneath the covers without letting their mouths part.

"There is one condition though…" She informed softly, his hands had just reached her pyjama pants but now she pushed him away lightly, leaning across to retrieve something from the bedside table.

"Really?" He questioned, surprised to see her hold up the small, square, silver foil package.

"Yeah… see I figured it out – why I've been so emotional lately – I did some research and it makes sense. Hormonal fluctuations associated with starting to get my period back…" She paused, waiting for his reaction, they had been very open in the past so it wasn't a difficult topic in that regard.

"Oh… I didn't…" He started.

"Neither" She nodded. "I just assumed it'd take as long as last time… Shay was almost eight months old and I'd stopped breastfeeding exclusively… Apparently it varies heaps… it's normal. And it explains everything perfectly. It really just means that we have to… stay safe" She finished lightly, laughing softly at the way he raised his eyebrows at the familiar words.

"Okay" He accepted with a dutiful nod, winking as he kissed the back of her hand and took the condom.

"Thank you" She smiled, "for everything."

**I really just wanted to see Hank, Kelly, Russ and Chase interact in a scene and the rest of the chapter just happened. Like I've said before I don't have kids but I have researched/learned so much about pregnancy and parenting to try to bring you an accurate representation of family life… Feel free to PM me about anything along those lines though - I'm always willing to learn and improve my writing! **

**I was also wondering how you'd feel about me skipping some time? I skipped a few days between this chapter and the last but I've still only covered the first thirteen weeks of Ember's life in 75 chapters! You'd think by the 175****th**** update I'd have this sorted but balancing day to day and event to event writing is hard… Maybe I just have too many ideas. In order to keep you interested and get through all the plans I have for this fic I'm thinking I'd like Erin's first day back with Intelligence to happen in the 200****th**** Chapter. That's just my rough direction at this point – thoughts? Out of curiosity what do you want to see between now and then?**

**Not speaking to anyone in particular but some reviews just make my heart soar… I love you all 3 **


	176. Chapter 176

"What time did he say he'd be here?" Kelly questioned, running his hand up his wife's arm until he could see the face of his watch. Erin knew exactly who he was talking about, the apprehension in his voice a dead giveaway.

"He didn't" She answered, thinking back to the brief phone conversation she had had with her father figure that morning. "Around threeish maybe…" She supplied, a very rough approximation given her limited knowledge of a typical Saturday for Hank. She remembered what they had been like when she was a teen: he'd take an early morning walk to the newsagent for the newspaper, they'd eat breakfast together as a family, newspaper aside, discussing plans for their limited free time, after that she wouldn't see him again until mid-afternoon, avoiding the backyard for fear of being grumbled at if she trampled on his perfectly manicured lawn.

"Do I have to stay and help out? 'Cause I will and I'm not complaining but… Do I have to?" Chase asked cautiously, interrupting her trip down memory lane. The dread he had felt when he'd found out Hank was serious about erecting a shade sail in their backyard unparalleled.

"You can do whatever you like, you're an adult" Erin permitted.

"But…" Chase started, only to be cut off by Kelly.

"I'm an adult too!" The older man complained, twisting slightly to look at his wife, he knew the same didn't apply to him. He was expected to stay and help out even though in reality that translated to hours of being told what to do while being reminded he was the world's worst husband and father; in his father-in-laws opinion at least.

"I'll help him then" She reasoned, patting her husband's leg comfortingly though her voice held a hint of condescension. "How hard can it be?"

"I help Mama!" Shay volunteered, looking up from what she was doing to grin at her mother.

"For you? Not hard at all… He actually likes you" Kelly muttered softly to his wife, her ear close as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Babe" Erin warned seriously before sitting forward slightly. "What about Grandpa Hank Shay? You want to help him?" She questioned, smiling and nodding to encourage the toddler.

"Yeah! Papa Hanky play wif me" Shay justified as if trying to convince her father.

"He just wants to play" Erin teased, making Hank out to be misunderstood and well intentioned. That didn't mean she wouldn't have something to say if he was rude to her husband again. "And he does like you…"

"He's got a strange way of showing it…" Kelly complained, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her back against his chest, being careful not to interfere with the way she held Ember.

"What would you prefer? You want him to hug you or something?" She enquired, snuggling against him.

"No! that'd be weird" He groaned, firm handshakes and the occasional slap on the back the most physical they had ever been.

"Exactly, he's helping us establish ourselves and he's teaching you to 'man' the grill… what more do you want?" Erin asked seriously.

"Mama?" Shay demanded, flicking the tiny paint brush in her hand as her head snapped up, she clearly had something urgent on her mind.

"I don't know…" Kelly sighed, willing to drop the argument and pleased Shay had provided a distraction.

"What's up Shay?"

"I can princess Papa Hanky?" The toddler posed, eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Maybe. You'll have to ask him" She answered gently, not at all sure how Hank would react to the prospect of a princess makeover like the one Shay was giving her brother.

"Hmph…" Chase exhaled loudly, clearly conflicted about something.

"What?" She questioned flat out, looking to the young man who had remained silent since receiving his pardon.

"I'd pay for a photo of your dad like this…" He explained, gesturing to himself, lipstick smeared across his face, curly hair bunched in sparkly clips, foot resting in Shay's lap as she slathered pink nail polish across his toes. "But I don't know if it's worth it…" He added, knowing she would understand what he meant.

"If he agrees to a princess makeover I'll be taking plenty of photos" She assured, being careful not to laugh so Shay didn't come to think there was anything wrong with what she was doing. "Why don't you go hang out with Nadia for the afternoon?"

"Could I take the car?" He enquired hopefully, it would make doing something with the girlfriend he hadn't seen in three days so much easier.

"Yeah" She nodded, they weren't planning on going out and even if they were they wouldn't need both cars.

"Do I have to be back for dinner?" He asked after a thoughtful pause, trying to take the important things into consideration as he planned.

"No. Sunday dinners are compulsory, the rest of the time you can eat wherever you want... As long as you eat" She clarified, unable to stop herself from mothering him.

"Awesome. Shay how much longer you gonna be?" Chase asked, cringing as he looked down at the pink mess for the first time.

"Stop wigglin' Chasey or I starts 'gain" Shay threatened, waving the brush at him before dipping it back into the little bottle and starting on the next toe, tongue poking out the corner of her mouth.

"Sorry" He apologised quickly, remaining still even though her little fingers were tickling the bottom of his foot. Shay was too focused to respond so Erin gave Chase a nod of thanks.

"I'd like your dad to treat me as an equal… sort of… I respect him and all but he just… hates me? It's like he doesn't think I'm good enough for you… and maybe I'm not… but he doesn't have to remind me" Kelly offered finally, having spent the time considering his wife's question.

"Babe don't overanalyse it. You're good enough, if anything you're the one that's too good… He's just like that" She shrugged, turning her head to kiss his cheek.

"I hope me and Nadia are as gross as you two in like twenty years" Chase shared, smiling softly at the thought before realising just how bold a thought it was.

"Twenty?" Erin questioned.

"Ten?" Chase swiftly revised down, swallowing hard as he contemplated admitting his serious feelings for someone he had only been dating a few months. "You done yet princess?" He changed the subject.

"Yep! Finish… Look Mama Chasey prettyfulest princess!" Shay announced excitedly, dropping the nail polish brush onto the newspaper Erin had laid out pre-emptively, then sitting back to admire her handiwork. It looked like he had dipped his toes into thick pink paint but Shay's smile was worth it.

"So pretty" Erin agreed.

"You turn now Mama?" Shay asked hopefully reaching for the brush.

"Is it? Lucky me!" She gasped, making the toddler giggle as she rushed to get up from her husband's lap, handing Ember to him before pretending to be impatient as Chase lowered his feet to the floor. The nail polish was supposed to dry in less than sixty seconds but Shay had applied it thickly and he didn't want to get it on the floor. "Shay, is it okay if Chase takes the clips out? And washes this off? We don't want Nadia to get jealous…" Erin proposed as she hauled Chase up, gesturing to the hair clips and lipstick.

"Hmm… Umkay… But you gots ta keep the princess foots, 'kay?" Shay checked, giving him a conflicted look. She'd put a lot of time and effort into making her big brother the perfect princess and didn't want it going to waste.

"Okay" He accepted. "Thank you for making me so pretty" He added as he bent to kiss the top of her head, her smile returned.

"I can do princessing wheneber you wants Chasey… And I makes Nada prettier for you too!" Shay offered excitedly.

"What about me?" Erin asked as she sat down on the couch, rolling up the leg of her pants before extending her foot out to where Shay sat on the coffee table. Chase took the opportunity to leave while Shay was distracted, wiping at the lipstick on his face as he made his way up the stairs.

"You gots to be patient Mama… I does you fingers princessy" Shay explained and then promptly complained, shoving her mother's foot away and reaching for her hands instead.

"But I want princess toes" Erin argued, letting her husband see the momentary panic on her face. Shay had made a mess of Chase's toes, but toes could be hidden away in socks and shoes, fingers couldn't.

"No you don't" Shay declared.

"Okay then… Princess fingers it is" Erin agreed after hesitating for as long as she could trying to think of some reason to keep her fingernails unpolished. "Daddy will put Emmy down for her nap won't he?" She enquired.

"Yeah sure" Kelly nodded, drawing patterns on the back of Ember's little hands as she slept. "But I was going to head out and mow so do you want her down here?"

"Don't mow for him!" She advised sharply, receiving a glare from Shay who had placed her hands out flat on the table and was arranging each finger carefully.

"I have to do it before next weekend and you're having fun" He reasoned, thinking quickly since he really was just doing it so that his father-in-law had one less thing to complain about.

"You just don't want…" She started, risking wiggling the fingers of her left hands to finish her statement without Shay knowing.

"That too" He smirked, not that he would really protest if Shay wanted to give him a princess makeover as well.

"Alright, as long as you're not expecting it to change anything. She'll be fine there if you make sure she's clipped in" Erin answered changing from one topic to the next without pause, Kelly placing Ember down in her bouncy chair.

"I'm not and she is. I learned from Thursday" He reflected as he double checked the safety belt was done up. It had been a tense moment when she had almost rolled off her change table due to his inattention.

"Mmm" She nodded, giving him a small smile as he finished tucking the blanket around the baby. He gave a stoic smile in return and ruffled Shay's hair on his way out of the room, listening as his wife turned her attention to the toddler. "Okay princess, you getting the brush ready? Dip it in – not too far. You only want a little bit of polish so it dries nice and quick. That's it… try to get it on my fingernails…"

* * *

"You've ruined the lawn" Hank commented as he made his way down the back stairs.

"Dad!" Erin cried instantly, glaring as sternly as she could at him, if she was closer she probably would have given him a firm thump.

"He's cut it too short…" The older man explained, shaking his head in disapproval as he surveyed the yard. He was only trying to be practical, with the increased traffic of furniture and people on the fourth the grass would likely struggle to recover.

"Don't. Please" She almost begged, it surprised Hank to see her react so strongly. "It looks great babe" She assured her husband, rubbing his back in support.

"So where is this thing going?" Kelly asked, holding up the box that had been handed at the front door. If the picture on the front was anything to go by it contained a large grey triangular shade sail.

"Over the table" Hank stated bluntly, as if it were the dumbest question he had ever heard. And Kelly understood that it wasn't the smartest thing he could have asked, he had only used it as a lead in to discussing the reason Hank was there at all. "It's a triangle, one point to the tree, one to the shed and the other to the back fence or to the house… You can decide" Hank explained after receiving yet another glare from Erin, giving a weak smile at his own generosity.

"Fence" Erin suggested as she looked at the space and pictured it in her head. If Hank had been drinking at that moment he would have spat the liquid everywhere, baffled that he had been told off excessively for being mean to poor pathetic Kelly when she was snatching away the opportunity he had presented for the man to have some input.

"Yeah" Kelly agreed, avoiding looking at Hank and instead nodding at his wife.

"You gonna get a ladder then?" Hank asked when nobody moved for a few moments.

"Sure" Kelly accepted, handing the box to his wife before trudging off to the garden shed.

"Hank, what is your problem?" Erin demanded the moment her husband was out of sight, she had run out of patience while Shay spent half an hour painting her fingernails, getting the pink polish everywhere but on her nails.

"I don't have a problem" Hank defended, giving her a look that roughly translated to: 'I'm always like this, get over it.'

"Kelly and I can put it up, you can leave if you're going to be an ass" She offered the ultimatum without consideration for the toddler crouched just behind her, poking at a ladybug with a blade of severed grass.

"Mama what is…?" Shay immediately spoke up.

"Grass… Do you like the grass Shay?" Erin covered quickly, pointing to the greenery.

"Nope…It was good 'fore Daddy ruined it…" Shay offered, looking to her grandfather as she shared 'her' opinion. Hank smiled at the toddler, Erin frowned at him, starting to think she'd have a tension headache before they'd even gotten the shade sail out of the box.

"Everything okay?" Kelly asked when he returned with the ladder, looking expectantly at Hank for the next instruction. It wasn't that he didn't know what he was doing, he just knew that any way he did anything would be deemed wrong by the older man. It was easier to ask for instructions then to take the criticism.

"Sure. Let's get this done" Erin requested, heading for the table to get everything out of the box. They worked well together for a few moments, unboxing and laying out the pieces. Then Hank insisted Kelly place the ladder on uneven ground to better reach the tree branch, failing to hold it when the younger man then scaled the ladder. Erin was forced to intervene, it was a very near miss and Kelly was more careful from then on. He had to be since Hank wanted little more than to direct and complain. Erin's ability to help was restricted by Shay, receiving a firm talking to from Shay about ruining her princess nails. Considering nobody had explained it to her Shay had learned the word 'ruined' in record time. With Hank instructing and Erin supervising it didn't actually take very long to get the shade sail in place, secured and tensioned so that it sloped slightly towards the back fence. It would provide decent coverage to the table from morning to early afternoon and it would shade the sandpit after that.

"Now I princess Papa?" Shay questioned once the adults seemed to be finished fussing over the new feature.

"Righto" Hank agreed, frowning at the satisfied smile on Erin's face. He deserved more than a little torture in the form of pink nail polish in her opinion. Shay took his hand and dragged him off up the stairs, leaving Erin alone to wait for Kelly to return from putting the ladder away.

"You okay?" She asked as he approached, looking exhausted. He could climb ladders all day, that was more or less his job, but he'd spent the morning ice skating and the added pressure of not having anyone to stabilize the ladder meant he'd been concentrating hard.

"Yeah, that wasn't so bad" Kelly dismissed, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as she snaked hers around his waist for a sideways hug.

"I'm sorry" She sighed, leaning in to his side and patting his chest softly.

"It's done now" He reminded, kissing the top of her head before guiding her towards the stairs. Shay and Hank hadn't progressed past the kitchen, they had started out washing their hands, an important part of being a princess was having clean hands. Hank had tried to make it fun by blowing some of the soap foam into the air, Shay was squealing as she tried to catch the floating clumps of bubbles. She stopped when she saw her parents and sat back down on the bench to finish washing her hands, once they were rinsed she slid off the bench and retrieved a tea towel to demonstrate how responsible she could be.

"Hurry Pa" Shay requested, shoving the tea towel into his hands once she had finished drying her own.

"I'm hurrying" Hank assured, barely drying his hands before tossing the tea towel to the bench and lifting the toddler.

"I might get dinner started" Kelly mentioned as he moved to the sink to wash his hands, he wished he'd waited until Hank was out of earshot. The older man gave an amused snort but continued on through the dining room, apparently thinking it was staged to gain approval. Kelly sighed frustratedly then groaned when he knocked over the pump bottle of soap he tried to get on with washing his hands. Erin was there in a second, one hand resting at the middle of his back while the other righted the soap bottle and dispensed some for him, kissing his shoulder softly. "He's not staying is he?"

"No" She shook her head, normally she'd leave it up to Hank, this time she wouldn't be extending an invitation. She wasn't sure if she'd actively ask him to leave though, that seemed unnecessary, especially since it sounded like Shay was having a great time. "If you start on the veggies I'll check Em and be right back."

"Sure" He nodded, moving to the fridge as he watched her leave. Erin peeked into the lounge room on her way past and saw that Shay was doing a much better job of Hank's finger nails then she had hers. She'd managed to peel most of the polish from the skin around her nails after taking Ember up to her crib. The baby was laying on her back, kicking at the blanket that had been tucked in to keep her from rolling, something she hadn't quite got the hang of yet.

"Cheeky girl" Erin commented as she neared, listening to Ember's squawks and snuffles as if they were a response. She used the blanket for a game of peek-a-boo until the baby dissolved into fits of uncontrollable giggles. "Okay, calm down" She added when Ember seemed to be struggling to breathe, it only served to make her crack up again. Placing her on the change table was the easiest way to quiet her, she seemed wary of the position now that she'd seen how far it was to the floor below. Erin chatted away as she changed her diaper then took her downstairs to the kitchen. She wanted to help her husband with dinner but feeding the baby took priority.

"Go sit somewhere comfortable" Kelly advised when he turned to see her sitting awkwardly on the bench, the top cupboards making her slouch forward.

"I'm fine" She dismissed, eager to keep him company if she couldn't help cook.

"Er" He grumbled.

"I'll get a chair then" She tried to negotiate, making it clear that that would be an effort.

"No. Go sit on the couch. Take photos for Chase" He instructed, leaving what he was doing to move towards her, helping her off the bench without disturbing Ember.

"But…"

"Please" He requested, bending to press a kiss to Ember's cheek, stubbly cheek brushing across the skin of his wife's breast. She communicated her dissatisfaction wordlessly but did what he asked and made her way to the lounge room. Taking a seat at the far end of the couch, away from Hank and Shay.

"Mama! Look" Shay requested, looking up when she heard her mother sit down.

"Very nice, you're getting better" Erin encouraged, noting the smear of nail polish on the toddler's cheek and the strands of hair stuck to it.

"Ebrybody gonna be so jealous…" Shay beamed as she stuck her tongue out and got back to work.

"They are going to be jealous" Hank nodded, keeping his hands still as he turned to look at Erin. "You should bring her to the district on Monday, she could paint everyone's nails"

"Won't you have work to do?" She questioned, seriously.

"Nah, one of those stu-" He remembered Shay and corrected himself "…slack off days courtesy of the brass. You know how they won't give us a day off but they'll keep us cooped up until we do all our paperwork…"

"Maybe, we have yoga Monday mornings" She explained. Hank frowned but nodded to acknowledge what she had said, about to apologise when Shay spoke up.

"I no wanna go yoga Mama. I wanna princess!" Shay whined.

"We'll see" Erin answered, the toddler's least favourite response.

"Pleeeease!"

"Watch what you're doing" She recommended, pointing to the line of nail polish Shay had just painted across the back of Hank's hand. It had been mildly painful to peel from the tiny hairs on the backs of her fingers, she imagined it would be worse where the hair was denser and longer.

"Hmph" Shay exhaled unhappily, using her free hand to wipe at the pink mark.

"Don't worry, keep going" Hank encouraged the toddler gently. Erin smiled and turned her attention back to Ember, patting her as she fed her then pulling faces to keep her awake while she was burped. After that it didn't take more than a moment of soft humming and rocking to put the baby to sleep. With Ember supported in one arm Erin was able to dig around amongst the couch cushions to find her phone, making sure it was on silent before raising it to snap some photos.

Hank knew exactly what she was doing, keen peripheral vision combined with a tendency to be over observant even in the most mundane setting. He didn't mind though, focusing back on Shay as the toddler swiped nail polish across his last finger nail. For a moment he let himself wonder if he'd have sat still like this for a daughter, if they'd had one, if Erin had been young and innocent enough to play with nail polish when they'd taken her in. He wouldn't have, not five, ten or fifteen years ago, he'd have refused, broken the kid's heart if that's what it took. Now he was at the point in his career where pink nail polish wouldn't do anything to his reputation, might even scare people more. Al would get a kick out of it but the others knew better than to comment.

"FINISH!" Shay announced, slamming the brush back into the bottle and giving it a few crooked turns before grinning at her grandpa.

"Lovely" Hank smiled, unsticking his fingers from the newspaper covered coffee table to get a better look at them.

"Shh" Erin added, asking them to mind their volume and lulling the baby back to sleep at the same time.

"Take photo Mama" Shay ordered, grabbing Hank's wrists and tugging him around until they were within range of the phone camera.

"Okay, hop up and smile" She instructed, watching as the toddler ducked under one arm to climb up onto Hank's lap, smiling as she placed her small hands on top of his. "Perfect" She nodded once she had a few photos, one of them would be good.

"Now you me" Shay commanded, slipping from his hold and retrieving the bottle of nail polish.

"Right" Hank accepted, hesitant because she had tiny fingers and he didn't have his glasses. He was more coordinated than the toddler though and her nails were done quickly and evenly.

"THANKY" Shay squealed, flapping her hands to dry the nail polish.

"Shh" Erin tried again but it was too late, Ember was awake and a second later she was making it very clear she didn't want to be.

"Give her here" Hank requested, reaching for the baby, confident he could calm her. He felt partly responsible for her upset and thought it might help Erin forgive him at the same time.

"No, it's okay. I'll take her up" She shook her head, getting up and leaving the room before he could say anything more.

"Was I bad?" Shay questioned, voice small and shaky.

"No" Hank assured. "No, you weren't bad princess. Emmy's just jealous 'cause she's too little for princess nails" He reasoned, hoping she wouldn't cry, he wasn't sure he could cope if all three females in the house were upset at the same time.

"Oops…I sorry her" Shay explained as she got up quickly.

"Don't worry Shay" He requested, catching her around the middle and lifting her onto his lap. She struggled for a second then relaxed, grasping at the finger he was using tap her nose and cheeks.

"Pretty princess nails" Shay reminded when she caught his finger.

"What's next then?" He asked, twisting her around to face him and brushing the hair back from her face.

"I do you princess hair?"

"You can try…" He agreed, not entirely sure what princess hair entailed or how she planned to do it when he didn't exactly have much hair. "Then we should clean up for Mama huh?"

"Yeah" Shay nodded, leaving his lap for the container of sparkly clips and tiny plastic brushes that had come with her Elsa doll. A few minutes later he was doing his best to stay still as she yanked at his hair, trying to get the clips to stay. When that didn't work she attached them to his ears instead. They pinched terribly and once she had taken a blurry photo on her mother's phone he was allowed to take them off.

"Alright, where does this go?" He questioned, screwing on the lid of the nail polish properly before holding it out to her.

"Bath'oom" Shay provided easily.

"You wanna take it up?" He suggested, she knew where it went so it seemed sensible to send her.

"Umkay" She nodded enthusiastically, bouncing out of the room with the tiny glass bottle in hand. Hank scrunched up the newspaper and took it to the kitchen to stuff into the garbage bin.

"Uh… Thanks" Kelly offered as he moved out of the way so Hank could get to the bin.

"Doesn't hurt to clean up after yourself…" Hank replied offhandedly. Kelly immediately tensed. "Relax. Not everything I say is directed at you" The older man assured, shaking his head at the mess he had made for himself. They were never going to be friends but at least that had gotten along. "I'm sorry about the grass. I just like Shay havin' somewhere green to run around… And last weekend that was just 'cause Er seemed a bit off… She was a mess at Shay's dance thing the other week too. I'm not used to seeing that side of her, emotional. And she looks tired. I thought by hassling you I'd make her life easier… turns out it's the opposite" He admitted. "Nothing against you, she might be your wife but she'll always be my little girl" He finished, leaning back against the kitchen bench while holding eye contact with the younger man. It was an uncomfortable silence but Kelly wasn't going to speak prematurely, wanting to process everything that had been said first.

"I understand that" Kelly accepted at last. "And I'm doing my best." Hank nodded slowly then movement at the doorway caught his eye.

"Hey kid" He greeted, not sure how long Erin had been standing there.

"Hey…" She replied, looking to her husband. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, just chatting" Hank answered regardless of the fact the question hadn't been directed at him. "Emmy settle down?" He asked, trying to turn attention away from what they'd really been talking about.

"Yeah" She nodded, trying not to frown since she didn't really have enough information to determine if one was warranted. She had only heard her husband's response.

"Good, I'll have to have a cuddle after dinner" He answered, too busy trying to be cheerful to think about what he was saying. He didn't usually spend Saturday nights at their house and had momentarily forgotten. Erin's eyes gave away his mistake though and he quickly thought of something to cover what he had said. "Tomorrow."

"Now you've offended me! Don't want to eat what I cook?" Kelly teased.

"Uh…" Erin couldn't contain, looking to her husband with raised eyebrows, both men had laughed for a second, faces falling as they turned to her expectantly. Kelly seemed to realise what she was getting at but waved his hand, as discreetly as he could, to signal that it was alright.

"He's staying. I made too much anyway, forgot Chase wasn't eating with us…" Kelly provided as additional clarification.

"If you say so" Hank accepted hesitantly, Erin was making it very obvious that she didn't want him staying.

"Could you just… go check on Shay?" She asked hopefully, offering him a small apologetic smile.

"Probably just going to the toilet… but I'll go find out" He agreed, giving her a serious look as he passed her on his way.

"Thanks" She added, with the distinct feeling it was too little too late. "What just happened?"

"He apologised" Kelly summarised.

"What?!" She demanded, assuming she'd misheard him.

"He apologised, just before you came in, what'd you think this was about?" He asked, repeating his hand signal, he thought it was pretty obvious.

"How was I supposed to know?" She complained.

"Sorry."

"He apologised? Really?" She asked, not in disbelief that Hank would but that he had, without her intervening.

"Yeah, said he was just worried about you…" Kelly explained calmly.

"Worried about me? Why?" She questioned, feeling as if she had missed something important.

"Well you know…" He attempted.

"No I don't" She assured, gesturing to prompt him to continue.

"You haven't been yourself…" He added, not sure how much information he could give before her recent abundance of hormone fuelled anger would be directed at him.

"He noticed?" She asked, smiling softly.

"ERIN!" Hank bellowed from upstairs, it sounded like he was directly above them. Their conversation became the lowest priority as she rushed off. Hank hadn't ever called out for her like that before.

"Where are…?" She muttered to herself, he'd mentioned something about the toilet so she assumed that Shay had had an accident. As she reached the top of the stairs she saw that the bathroom light was off. Looking around as she checked Shay's bedroom she noticed light spilling across the carpet in their bedroom, it could only come from their bathroom. "What?" She questioned urgently as she met Hank at the bathroom doorway.

"I let you deal with…" He started, finishing by gesturing. Shay sat on the bathroom floor, looking alarmed to have been caught in the act. The act of playing with something that didn't belong to her, a plastic package, containing a dozen or more smaller square, colourful, patterned plastic covered packages. Of course she'd torn one open, unfolding the contents with great curiosity, she had been rather disappointed until she'd peeled off the paper backing to find a sticky adhesive panel. After that one hadn't been enough.

"Oh!" Erin gasped, looking to her father in horror. Hank simply shrugged and backed away slowly, leaving her to deal with the problem. "Shay… sweetie" She started gently, wondering how she was going to get the toddler to stop playing with the pads. "What are you doing?"

"Look what I finded Mama" Shay shared proudly, holding up her arms before shaking her hand to try to fight against the sticky backed white cotton panel.

"I can see what you found" She assured, nodding as she took deep breaths and stepped into the bathroom.

"Stickies!" Shay beamed.

"Mmm, they're sticky…" She continued to nod. Shay had a pad stuck up the length of each arm, another flat across her the front of her t-shirt, one in her hand and another lay twisted, mangled and discarded on the floor with the colourful wrappings. It made sense that they'd appealed to the toddler.

"Diaper! Real soft little ones… for um… baby-babies!" Shay explained slowly but very enthusiastically.

"Right… but you're not a baby-baby so you don't need those" Erin began gently.

"But thems so sticky… I was just looking" Shay promised, eyes wide as she waited to see if she was going to get in trouble.

"With your hands?" She asked, they had talked about the differences between looking and touching.

"Sorry?" Shay offered cautiously.

"Yeah" Erin nodded. "Come on take them off."

"But I don't want to!" Shay complained, crossing her arms and frowning.

"You want to walk around with 'diapers' stuck all over you? I thought you were a big girl!" She tried, a plea to the toddler's sensibilities.

"I am! But them real sticky…" Shay complained, pulling at the corner of a stubbornly stuck pad.

"Mhmm" Erin agreed as she crouched down to help.

"Ouch!" Shay squeaked. "Ow Mama! That hurty!" She cried, trying to get away. Erin employed a bandaid approach and pulled them off in short, quick motions.

"I'm sorry" She apologised, feeling terrible when she saw that she'd essentially waxed her daughter's arms, red and hairless. "We'll just get them off…" She comforted, thankful that it was easier to peel them from fabric. "And put them away" She added, stuffing the packet back into the cupboard under the sink. "Shay please don't play with the things you find in here. They're Mama's" She explained gently, collecting up the mess and stuffing it into the bin.

"Why?" The toddler demanded angrily, wiping at her face to get rid of the tears that had spilled.

"Because" Erin replied, she couldn't think of a better answer in that moment.

"But why Mama you gots them?" Shay posed, narrowing her eyes and squaring her stance.

"Just in case…"

"In case there's a baby-baby in you guts?" Shay asked innocently, if they were getting another smaller baby they would need the tiny, oddly sticky, diapers.

"No!" She snapped. "No" She repeated more calmly. "Shay Daddy hasn't seen your princess nails… and Grandpa Hank's staying for dinner…" She tried to redirect.

"Oooh!" The toddler smiled, taking it as a dismissal and running from the room before she could get in any more trouble. Erin took a moment to check on Ember and calm down, she was sure she'd remember this for many years to come, then followed the toddler downstairs. Shay was cuddling her grandpa and speaking softly with him so Erin continued on through to the kitchen.

"Everything okay?" Kelly asked, noticing her attempt to cover her flustered look.

"Yeah… Shay…um… Shay found" She stopped, finally working out where the packet must have come from. It was a better theory than magic so she went with it. "She found those things you? bought for me…"

"What things?" He enquired, confused.

"Well I didn't buy them… Bathroom cupboard" She added so that he had a little more information to go on.

"Babe you bought the condoms" He reminded, she'd gone on a spree.

"Other bathroom" She corrected, it only took him a second.

"Oh! Oh crap! Sorry" He rushed to apologise. "I just thought it'd be nice for you to have some… so you didn't have to go buy them" He justified.

"I have some… I just don't keep them there… where Shay can be drawn in by the colourful packaging" She shared, smiling as she allowed herself to be amused by the incident.

"Do you know how hard it was to find the ones you like?" He asked, another thing that hadn't been funny at the time.. "Do they have to change the packaging? I had to ask the shop assistant… She said you were lucky…"

"I am lucky" She said, checking to see that their dinner wouldn't burn before moving in to hug him. "Thank you babe, it was really thoughtful of you. You're the best husband" She added, feeling incredibly lucky. Dinner went smoothly, Kelly and Hank talking cars as Shay refused to make eye contact with her mother, stroking her remaining arm hair protectively. Hank got his cuddle with Ember and read Shay her bedtime story, tucking both sleeping girls into bed before joining their happy parents in the lounge room for friendly conversation.

**Every time I think I'm getting better I get worse again. Between doctor's appointments (my GP is a 2 hour drive from where I live, specialists 3 or 4 hours), trying to get well and trying not to drown in university assignments I haven't had much time to write. Thank you all for being so understanding. I have a big assignment due Monday but after that I have a two week break before my next assignment. I'm writing whenever I can and I'm sorry to leave you waiting, it's a little longer to make up for that. **

**On a lighter note Shay's little misadventure is actually based on something I did as a kid... **


	177. Chapter 177

**This probably should have been two chapters so I labelled the days to make it less confusing for you. **

**Monday**

"And what do we have here?" Sergeant Platt asked, grinning broadly as she looked past Nadia and Watson.

"A new recruit" Erin answered with a smile, lifting the car seat up to place it on the desk. Ember made her new signature noise, a shrill squeak, and reached up to bat at the toys her mother had attached to the handle of her car seat, oblivious to the fact that she had just become the center of attention. After all the baby had no control over what she wore, a perfect miniature version of the blue uniform her aunt was standing there wearing.

"Oh. That is just precious" Platt commented, struggling to contain her excitement, she hesitantly extended her hand toward Ember. The moment it was in reach Ember grabbed hold, one hand curling around the pointer finger while the other grasped the thumb, pulling them towards herself. "Gosh she's strong" Platt added as she fought against the pull to avoid having her fingers sucked by the dribbling baby.

"She's good police" Erin assured with a soft laugh, reaching forward to wipe the saliva from Ember's chin before it made it to the shirt. The baby had worn a bib in the car to protect the outfit but it ruined the look so Erin had taken it off when they'd arrived, keeping it in hand.

"Mama!" Shay whined, tugging on her mother's pants to remind her that she was waiting.

"Just a sec princess. Could you watch her while I take Shay upstairs?" Erin asked the beaming desk Sergeant, already knowing the answer.

"Of course" Platt nodded, looking affectionately at the baby. "Get back to work!" She promptly screeched at the two patrolmen standing watching. Erin tucked the bib in under Ember's chin before turning away and pulling a face at the pair. Nadia smiled, Watson barely contained a snort of laughter and they both rushed off before they could get into any more trouble. Erin had taken Shay's hand and made an equally quick exit, helping the tutu wearing toddler up the stairs to the gate. It buzzed loudly as they reached it and she was sure to give Platt a smile and wave before continuing around the corner and up the stairs.

"PAPA!" Shay yelled, taking off at a run as she raced towards her grandpa, throwing herself into his open arms.

"Princess Shay" Hank greeted, conscious of the tutu as he lifted the toddler up for a hug.

"How's the paperwork going?" Erin asked generally, though based on the number of feet on desks they weren't getting much done.

"Ha" Antonio laughed dryly.

"Yeah…" Kevin nodded, shrugging as he twirled the pen in his hand.

"But I can get a pen into that bin from here…" Adam contributed, pointing to the bin that usually belonged next to her desk but was instead positioned atop it.

"Where's Kim?" She enquired, she'd never let them put the bin on her desk if she was trying to work at it.

"Sick day" Adam volunteered.

"She okay?" Erin pressed, giving him a serious look.

"Yeah" He answered certainly, dismissing her concern. She made a mental note to call Kim and check in, Adam had always been easy to read but she got the distinct feeling he was being evasive.

"Where's Emmy?" Jay questioned as he finally realised who was missing.

"With Platt, downstairs" She replied, hoping that everything was alright she looked over her shoulder to the stairs and considered heading straight back down.

"Mama we 'gotted me bag!" Shay complained miserably, walking back to her mother after her cuddle and conversation with her grandpa.

"We didn't forget, it's out in the car. There was a question you had to ask everybody first…" Erin prompted.

"Ebrybody gonna be princesses 'kay?" Shay asked, speaking loudly and clearly so that everyone could hear her.

"That's not the question we practiced" Erin informed gently, looking to her daughter with raised eyebrows.

"Can I pleases do you princess nails please? I bringed all Mama's best colours, in my bag in the car" Shay attempted, it still wasn't the exact question they'd drafted in the car but it was close enough that Erin didn't want to make her try again.

"We didn't know if you meant what you said on Saturday" Erin told Hank, holding up her hand to make what she was saying clearer for him.

"Course I did, she could do with the practice" He assured, looking down at his own pink fingernails proudly. He would never tell anyone that he'd been especially careful not to chip the polish excessively. "No more throwing stuff across the room, paperwork or getting your nails painted by Shay" He ordered his unit.

"Ohh! I'll go first, what colours you got kiddo?" Adam volunteered enthusiastically, willing to do anything to get out of paperwork.

"My bag" Shay reminded her mother before skipping over to her Uncle Adam, climbing up onto his lap then up to the desk, pushing his keyboard aside so she could sit comfortably.

"I'll go get your bag princess" Erin explained as she turned to head back downstairs, ignoring the pleading look Jay gave her. Ember wasn't crying but Erin didn't feel relieved when she saw her, instantly made anxious by the Commander's presence and interest in the baby. He stood talking to Platt, wriggling his fingers to play with Ember, who seemed to be enjoying the attention. "Thanks Trudy" Erin said evenly as she approached and closed her hand around the car seat handle.

"Erin?" Platt returned, clearly confused by the use of her first name, the younger woman had always avoided it in the past. "The Commander wanted to talk to you" She explained, gesturing to him.

"Sir?" Erin greeted out of habit, she wasn't really sure what she was supposed to call him.

"I heard you were looking to come back soon" The Commander began, it clearly wasn't what he wanted to talk about but she was well aware of his habit of easing his way into conversations slowly.

"I am" She confirmed, knowing her tone and expression weren't anywhere near friendly, she knew he didn't mean any harm but she couldn't help but feel protective of her baby daughter.

"That's great, I'm sure the unit's missed you. I wanted to talk about your daughter though…" He explained, pausing to give her an opportunity to weigh in.

"Oh? This one?" She questioned rapidly, suddenly confused and even less pleased to be speaking with him.

"Yes, she's exactly what we're looking for. I've spent the morning in meetings you see, trying to get a new recruitment drive up and running, academy enrolment numbers are down this year…" He paused again, likely on account of the baffled look she was giving him.

"What has that got to do with my baby?" She asked, wondering if she had missed something because he definitely wasn't making any sense.

"The brass decided on an ad campaign and one of the proposals, the one we agreed on, needs a baby in uniform – 'Born to be Police' is the pitch. She's perfect for the role" He finished, Erin finally understood.

"She's um… I…" She started, not actually sure how to respond.

"You'd be paid. It's a thirty second ad, nothing serious, she just has to sit there and look cute. Shouldn't be hard for her" The Commander smiled, clearly trying to persuade her by complimenting the baby.

"She's only three months old, she can't even sit up on her own…" Erin shared, still struggling to come to terms with what he was saying. Her baby couldn't be in an advert, could she?

"Just consider it, you know how to contact me and I'll let the casting company know…" He stopped, again letting her body language dictate how much he said.

"I'll have to talk to my husband but I don't think…" Erin attempted, knowing it was bad to use her husband as an excuse, she just really didn't like the idea. Her protective instincts in overdrive for no reason in particular.

"Just think about it" He reiterated with a gesture to indicate it was all he was going to say on the matter.

"Okay" She agreed. "Thank you Sir." The moment he had closed the door to his office she turned to look at Ember, lifting the baby out of the car seat and cuddling her to her chest before glancing at the silently observing desk sergeant.

"I didn't say a word" Platt defended, not sure why the previously cheerful young mother was suddenly prickly.

"Sorry" Erin apologised, shaking her head at her own behaviour as she turned away and left through the front door. A moment later she was back, Shay's bag in hand, glass nail polish bottles clinking against each other as she made her way back up the stairs. "Hank you busy?" She questioned, turning to look at the man perched on her old desk once Shay was happily painting Adam's fingernails red. Jay held Ember, bouncing and playing with the baby, squeaks and giggles evidencing her delight.

"Nope, my office?" He enquired, standing up pre-emptively.

"Yeah" She nodded, just because she didn't want to distract everyone, or rather Antonio and Alvin, the only people actually doing paperwork. Following Hank into his office she closed the door softly and took a seat across from him.

"What's up kid? You can't back out of the barbeque now…" He told her carefully.

"I know, it's not that. Not at all. It's just… 'never get your picture in the paper,' does that count for babies?" She asked, seriously seeking his opinion on the matter. She couldn't stop thinking about it.

"You're going to have to give me some context" He requested, brow creased in a frown as he tried to work out what she was really asking.

"The Commander wants Emmy in a recruitment ad" She summarized for him, watching his expression transition from confusion to surprise.

"And you're seriously considering it?"

"Why wouldn't I?" She countered, feeling just a little offended. "She's beautiful, unlike those ugly babies they put in diaper ads…"

"My rules don't apply to your daughter, that's up to you" He wanted to make very clear. "She's not going to look like that for long, just look at Shay" He reminded, a little extra justification as to why his rule didn't apply in this situation. No one would recognise Ember because of an advert she did as a tiny baby.

"I might keep thinking about it then" She decided, not that she was sure she could stop if she wanted to.

"How is she doing anyway?" He questioned seriously.

"Well you saw her rolling over yesterday. Shay was a little older when she started rolling but Em's so much bigger. She's making more noises too, Chase calls her squeak" Erin shared, proud that her baby seemed to be meeting developmental milestones early.

"Is she healthy though?" He pressed.

"Ah…" She hesitated, knowing what he was asking, it was something she had successfully put out of her mind.

"What?"

"I've been avoiding making a doctor's appointment for her..." She explained softly, the speed with which an alarmed expression took over his face made her continue. "There's nothing wrong with her, that's the thing, she seems fine..." She attempted to justify, it was weak and she knew it.

"But did you get the results for the tests she had?" He asked, he tried to keep track of everything going on with his smallest granddaughter and had assumed up to that point that Erin had just forgotten to fill him in.

"No" She admitted, surprised by the effect his disapproving look had on her. "That's with our doctor not the specialist" She reasoned, feeling like it was a pathetic excuse.

"And the doctor is the one who made her sick" Hank nodded, adjusting his expression to supportive and comforting. She'd been through a lot and it made sense that she didn't want to return to the doctor that had, inadvertently, almost killed her baby.

"No…well yes. I know, it's stupid… I just feel like…" She sighed, she didn't know how she felt because she had refused to let herself think about it. To the point that she'd blocked the doctor's office phone number after they'd repeatedly called her to book an appointment.

"Like what?" He encouraged gently, doing his best to get to the bottom of the problem. He was still coming to terms with the ways parenthood had changed her but the last few weeks had shown him that she still looked to him for support and guidance.

"It was my fault, not the doctor's but I still don't…" His severe frown made her stop.

"It was nobody's fault, nobody knew Emmy would react like that" Hank told her firmly, thinking she would have forgiven herself by now.

"She's fine now though" Erin reiterated.

"And we need her to stay that way so you need the test results. Make the appointment Erin" He instructed, as wrong as it felt to tell her what to do he knew she needed to hear it.

"Yeah okay" She agreed, it made sense and she should never have let it turn into such a big deal. Letting her daughter star in a commercial seemed so unimportant in comparison yet she had allowed it to occupy her thoughts. "You know you're pretty good at this" She reflected once she'd had a moment to relax, deciding she would make the appointment when she got home.

"Mhm. Know who else is good at this? Your husband" He asked then answered for her.

"Oh and now you like him again?" She teased, he'd redeemed himself over the weekend but she remained a little uncertain about the relationship between the two most important men in her life.

"I never stopped" He defended with a shake of the head. "Go on, tell 'em to get back to work for me" He requested, indicating that the conversation, which had touched on topics far deeper than expected, was over.

"I'll try" She nodded, laughing as she looked through the window. Shay had moved on to painting Kevin's fingernails while Adam shook his hands to dry them and Antonio had joined Jay in fussing over the baby, leaving Alvin the only person actually doing work.

* * *

**Friday**

"How many Mama?" Shay questioned as she looked from the contents of the trolley to her mother then across to the shelves.

"Lots" Erin provided as she rushed to do the mental maths, not entirely sure how many people to expect.

"More lotses?" Shay asked as she reached for another bag of hotdog buns.

"Yeah, more. Four more please" She requested, watching as the toddler's eyes widened.

"Four? That fifty-eighty thousands" Shay exclaimed as she reached for a bag, dropping it on top of the others at the far end of the trolley.

"Not quite, just enough for all the people we have coming over tomorrow" She explained as she moved to help, passing three more bags to Shay before watching the toddler drop them carelessly atop the pile that was already forming. If Shay wasn't careful she'd end up stepping on the buns as they rounded corners. "Do you want to hop out so you don't crush them?"

"Umkay" Shay accepted, quite liking the idea of being free to roam the store.

"Thank you" Erin smiled. Shay had only just hooked her leg over the edge when Erin took over, lifting the toddler before setting her safely on the floor.

"More next?" Shay asked as she started wandering off in a random direction, caught by her mother's hand in seconds. Holding the toddler's hand forced her to lean slightly and greatly reduced the manoeuvrability of the trolley but it was the safest option in the busy store.

"Next we need onions and tomatoes" She explained as she led the way to the produce section.

"Yuck!" Shay shook her head, quite sure they could do without both those things.

"You like tomato" Erin argued, knowing the toddler loved to squirt the seeds across the table, only occasionally eating it as well.

"No" Shay shook her head and pulled her hand free, skipping off towards the nearest red fruit.

"Over here Shay" She commanded gently, the toddler knew to listen though and returned to her mother's side, screwing up her face at the ugly brown onions. "Would you like to hold the bag?" Erin asked, trying to make it sound like a fun job.

"No, but I do it" Shay answered honestly, accepting the bag after intently watching her mother tear it from the roll.

"Good girl, ready to count?" Erin asked, she loved using everyday activities as learning opportunities. "One, two, three, four… is that enough?" She stopped to question.

"Too many!" Shay complained, letting go of the bag with one hand so she could reach in and retrieve one of the onions to put back.

"No. Two more" She enthused, dropping them into the bag and taking it from Shay's hands so quickly that the toddler didn't have time to grab one.

"No!" Shay whined as the bag was placed in the trolley, right beneath Ember.

"Yes, Grandpa Hank really likes onion" Erin countered watching her daughter's expression change.

"I like ongying" Shay declared, stumbling over the word and finishing with a crooked grin. Erin laughed softly then smiled back, seizing Shay's hand before the toddler could move evasively.

"Tomatoes next" She reminded.

"How many thems?" Shay enquired, as she plodded along after her mother, all the other fruits and vegetables distractingly fascinating.

"Hm… probably eight" Erin decided, any that they didn't use at the barbeque she could incorporate into lunches or dinners.

"Eighty-teen?" Shay bragged, recognising the other uses of the same number name. Erin didn't respond, too busy comparing prices and types. Having come to a decision she let go of Shay and got another bag.

"Don't let go" She instructed as she opened out the bag and bent to place it in the toddler's hands. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight"

"Free, four, five" Shay parroted triumphantly.

"Three, four, five, six, seven, eight" She repeated for the toddler as she placed the bag into the trolley.

"I good counter ain't I Mama?" Shay demanded as she rose onto her tiptoes and reached for the roll of plastic bags.

"Aren't" Erin corrected, scooping the toddler up with one arm around her waist before she could get a grip on the shiny plastic. "Since when do you say ain't?" She questioned to distract the toddler as they moved on, Shay huffing and grumbling at being deprived of a plastic bag.

"Chasey saided ain't!" Shay informed in her own defence. "He saided I ain't gon tell anybody, promise…"

"When did he say that?" Erin questioned, interest piqued by the odd conversation fragment.

"Fourty-eleven days ago" Shay shrugged, clearly thinking it was unimportant.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, on the telly-phone with Nadie last night" Shay added, letting her mother know that she had no sense of time but providing little information regarding the strange statement. She trusted that Shay had a good enough memory to repeat phrases word for word even days later. If the phone conversation took place the previous evening it must have been while she was downstairs.

"And what were you doing listening?" She asked when she caught herself trying to think of things Chase's words could be referring to. It was none of her business, or Shay's either.

"I were going to the toilet" Shay provided innocently.

"You could hear Chase from the bathroom? You must have good ears" Erin replied, it would be nearly impossible but she didn't want to call the toddler out on her lie.

"Yeah I does" Shay nodded, sharing a small smile with her mother to indicate that they were allies because they both knew it wasn't the truth.

"What about your eyes? Can you see the ketchup we normally get?" Erin posed, pointing to the shelves opposite where she had just parked the trolley.

"Um…" Shay hummed as she looked up, down and across the shelves for a familiar bottle. "Them one?" She pointed hopefully.

"Close, it's this one up here" She shared, pointing to the bottle in similar packaging on the top shelf.

"I too little for that one" Shay protested, it was an unfair task.

"I was being a bit tricky making you look for the one on the top shelf wasn't I?" Erin questioned as she took two of the bottles and a third of the barbeque sauce Shay had originally pointed to.

"You so tricksy Mama!" Shay sighed dramatically before giggling softly.

"I can be" Erin nodded, laughing with the toddler.

"What next?" Shay demanded as Erin returned to the trolley, adjusting Ember's blanket before pushing it further down the aisle.

"Pickles, Daddy likes pickles on his hotdogs."

"Yuck!" The toddler spat, poking out her tongue and screwing up her face despite never having tasted the food in question.

"Yeah, I'll agree with you on that one" Erin laughed, pulling the toddler out of the way of another shopper as she walked blindly due to her apparent disgust. Erin weaved her way down the aisle, pushing her trolley to the side and as far out of the way as was possible when she reached the section where jars of just about everything lined the shelves. It only took her a moment to locate the right type of pickles, grabbing the jar in the next size up to the one they normally bought.

"What that?" Shay questioned, maintaining her disgust as she tried to get a better look at the contents of the jar.

"Pickles" Erin repeated, lowering the jar so Shay could see.

"No. Yucky! No eat them…them…" Shay looked positively repulsed that anyone would even consider eating the lumpy green pickles in the jar.

"Pickles" Erin repeated, encouraging the toddler to say it. Shay swallowed hard before making an attempt.

"Pickle." Just the word was disturbing to the two year old.

"They're just little baby cucumbers" Erin comforted, finding the toddler's disgust adorable.

"No…" Shay shook her head, looking even more alarmed. "We don't eat babies!" She announced very loudly, gaining the attention of their fellow shoppers.

"Shh. No we don't eat babies, and we don't eat pickles either. But Daddy does so we buy them for him" Erin justified gently, placing her hand on top of Shay's head as she straightened and turned to place the jar in the trolley.

"Yucky" Shay complained finally, grabbing the leg of her mother's pants and holding on as they took a few steps down the aisle and stopped again. Erin took another jar from the shelf and leaned forward around Ember to place it in the trolley. "What that?"

"That is Sergeant Platt's favourite hotdog topping, half my first pay check went to buying her hotdogs…" Erin reflected even though she knew Shay didn't know what she was talking about.

"But what that?" Shay rephrased, poking her fingers through the back of the trolley to poke at the jar.

"Um… It's pickled cabbage… It's German I think" She answered, not even willing to attempt the name scribed on the jar, that would only teach Shay the wrong pronunciation and confuse her since it wasn't a food word she knew.

"Germ-man? Germs makes you snot" Shay grinned, running the back of her hand under her nose in a habit Erin had been trying to break.

"Oh?" She enquired, it wasn't something she had taught the toddler.

"Cindy teaches me clean not grotty-snotty…" Shay smiled proudly. "I gots wash my hands to kill the Germans!"

"Germs" Erin rushed to correct, of course Shay's enthusiasm was marked by an increase in volume, again the other shoppers were staring. "We don't kill Germans" She added just to clarify.

"Why?" Shay asked disappointedly, confused by the conflicting messages.

"Shay, Germany is a country with people. We don't kill people" Erin tried to explain seriously, in disbelief that she was having this conversation with her two year old in the middle of the grocery store.

"Why?" Shay repeated, less disappointed, more curious.

"Because that's bad" She answered, not sure that the toddler really understood what they were talking about.

"It is naughty to kill people" Shay noted as if it were something she needed to remember.

"Mhmm" She nodded, watching as the toddler spotted something and ran off down the aisle. Thankfully her run wasn't more than Erin's fast walk and after grabbing the trolley she followed Shay since she was heading in the right direction for the next item on the list anyway.

"'scuse me!" Shay demanded rudely as she was forced to stop as an elderly man stepped in front of her.

"Shay" Erin scolded as she caught up, slowing to watch.

"Oh, hello there" The man greeted with a smile, looking down through his glasses at the toddler.

"Sorry" Erin apologised rapidly as the toddler pulled a face at the stranger, not quite matching the level of disgust she held for pickles.

"Why you sorrying? Did you kill a German Mama?" Shay questioned as she turned on the spot to face her mother.

"Shay, keep walking please" Erin requested, tone just serious enough for the toddler to consider it. Shay looked to the old man and he looked back, she was standing between him and the product he wanted to purchase.

"Did you kill a German but?" Shay urged. "You go to your room when we get home Mama."

"I'm really sorry, she doesn't know what she's saying" Erin apologised again as she picked up the opinionated toddler. The old man chuckled but didn't say anything, winking to Shay who waved as she was carried away. Erin turned the trolley around and decided to use another aisle to get to where she was going.

"Mama down" Shay requested, eyeing the colourful products that lined the aisle her mother had turned down.

"Nope, you were being silly" She reasoned, keeping her firm hold on the toddler more because she had chosen the deserted confectionary aisle than because of Shay's behaviour.

"No!" Shay argued, twisting in her mother's arms.

"Yes. Germs are little tiny bugs that make people sick, we kill those. Germany is a country where people live, those people are called Germans. We live in a country called America, we're American. It's nothing to do with killing" Erin informed, by the time she finished speaking they were three quarters of the way down the aisle and the sound of her voice had calmed Shay somewhat.

"I sorry" The toddler mumbled.

"You don't need to be sorry princess, I'm just trying to help you learn" She asserted softly, kissing Shay's cheek before putting her down.

"Umkay" Shay accepted, staying near the trolley as her mother moved away to select a plastic package. "What that?"

"This is our country's flag" Erin explained, turning the package so the flag was the right way up as she held it out for Shay to see. It was just a cheap banner of little plastic flags, practically the only thing left in the party decorations section. "I'm going to use them as decorations for the barbeque we're having tomorrow. It's a special day to celebrate America" She decided to take the opportunity to explain.

"'merica birfday?" Shay questioned excitedly.

"Kind of… The 4th of July is the day America became an Independent country, a long time ago, so it's like a birthday because it happens once a year" She said, trying to adjust the concept to a level Shay would understand.

"We eat cake?" Shay asked, an absolute priority.

"Not quite, but there'll be lots of other yummy foods, hotdogs and hamburgers. Cindy's making a cheesecake" Erin answered, keeping a hand on Shay's shoulder to steer her in the right direction.

"Ooh, I like cheese!" Shay reminded, scanning the refrigerated shelves.

"I know you do, and it's the next thing on our list" She encouraged, nodding when the toddler looked up at her for approval. Shay squealed before starting at a run towards the cheese section.

"Cheeses!" Shay shouted to her mother, pointing before starting to reach for a block.

"Cheese" Erin agreed as she approached, quickly adding a block of lactose free cheese to the trolley without looking at the price before stopping Shay. "Good job. That's the one we normally get but today we're going to be lazy and get it already grated."

"Lazy Mama!" Shay giggled as she put slid the block back into place and rushed to get the bag her mother was pointing to.

"Yep. Then we just need ice cream and we're done…" She supplied happily. It wasn't even one o'clock but it felt like they'd had a long day. Shay had woken up extra early to remind her mother that they had to take Caitlin the shoes she had left behind after their play date the day before. Since Shay wouldn't stop going on about it Erin decided to get it out of the way, Sharron's place was on the way to the library so it was sensible and convenient for them as well. They'd spent two hours at the library reading, playing and collecting books to borrow. By the time they got back to their car Shay was complaining about being hungry, Ember was in a good mood and Erin felt the need to eat as well so she took the girls to a café for lunch. Now they were getting the shopping out of the way so they could go home and not have to worry about going out again.

"Ice creams?!" Shay screeched as she ran off towards the bank of freezers.

"For tomorrow" Erin explained as she met the toddler at the right section, loading one big box of Shay and Chase's favourite monkey shaped choc-banana ice creams and another box of Kelly's favourite chocolate swirl ice cream cones into the trolley without stopping to ask the toddler her opinion. She added a packet of fruit juice ice blocks before Shay decided to appeal the decision.

"But I beed so good" Shay reasoned hopefully, standing beside the trolley and not touching anything the way she was supposed to.

"You have been very good, so we might have some after dinner" Erin conceded with a smile, knowing that the moment her son and husband knew there were ice creams in the freezer she wouldn't have a say in the matter.

"Daddy and Chasey too… you not 'lowed any but" Shay reminded with a big smile, her father always said that that meant there was more for them. "For Emmy-bear" She added comfortingly, feeling bad when she saw the look on her mother's face.

"I know, I was going to get one of these for me" She assured, holding up two different tubs of sorbet, reading the ingredients and comparing the flavours. Unable to decide she looked to Shay as if to ask which one she should choose.

"Ask Emmy" Shay suggested wisely, pointing to the sleeping baby.

"Em, raspberry or mango?" Erin questioned, if anything it just gave her a little more time to think.

"She want berry" Shay answered for her little sister, her decision based entirely on the colour of her little sister's headband.

"Okay, thanks Shay" Erin smiled, placing the tub on top of the boxes. "Checkout time?"

"Pizza!" Shay prompted, astounded her mother had forgotten a food Shay considered a staple.

"But Chase is making magic-getti tonight…" She reminded as she took her daughter's hand, leaving the frozen pizza where it was. They had plenty of junk food planned for the next day.

* * *

**Like I said at the top this probably should have been two chapters and according to my plan I was supposed to cover the 4****th ****of July but I got a little carried away. I just love writing Shay… **

**Sandygirl: Thanks for the reminder because I completely forgot that I hadn't covered the results of Ember's allergy testing, hence the slightly OC chat with Hank. **


	178. Chapter 178

"Bubba, bubba, Da-da, Da-da" Kelly chattered to Ember, touching her cheeks then his chest as he exaggerated the sound in the naming words. The baby rewarded him with a gummy smile but remained silent, slapping a slobbery hand to his chest to encourage him to continue. "Bubba, Dada, Dada, Bubba" He continued, pulling faces to make her giggle before looking away to check on Shay. "Almost done princess?"

"Dada, look!" Shay requested, pointing.

"Beautiful" Kelly smiled as he admired the pink scribble on the concrete paver. It had been his idea to direct people to the side gate so they didn't have to continually answer the front door and have everyone traipse through the house.

"Daddy you good drawer too" Shay complimented in return, crawling across the gravel to the next paver to trace her finger over the big red arrow he had drawn.

"Thank you" He accepted politely, smiling down at Ember before moving to collect Shay. "Come on, let's wash our hands."

"Why?" Shay questioned, standing up before stepping back out of his reach.

"Because your fingers are all pink and mine are all red" He explained, holding out one hand to show her the red chalk dust staining his fingers.

"I no finish but" She reasoned, pointing to the unmarked pavers. He had only drawn on every second one, leaving the rest for her, except she'd spent so long perfecting the first one that she hadn't touched the others.

"You're not finished?" He asked, tone clearly indicating she should reconsider, he'd been waiting patiently for twenty minutes and had other plans for his morning.

"I gots more…I do 'em later but?" Shay questioned, she knew it would take her just as long to decorate each of the other pavers and she understood his impatience since he had already finished the activity.

"Later we're going to have lots of friends over, are you going to get upset if they want to help?" Kelly posed, willing to wait and watch now if it saved tears later when there were other, older kids competing for space to draw.

"Nup" She declared decisively, dropping the remainder of the pink chalk to the ground before wiping her hand across her shirt.

"Uh-uh. Put the chalk back in here" He requested, giving her a serious look as he bent and grabbed the box of chalk, holding Ember's foot as she squeaked and giggled at the unusual movement.

"Save it later" Shay stated as she retrieved the chalk and stuffed it into the box with her father's help.

"Yeah, saving it for later" He agreed, placing the box on top of a fence post for later before extending his hand out for the toddler. "Let's wash our hands."

"How?" Shay questioned as they stopped in front of the tap near the garden shed.

"Like this" Kelly answered as he twisted the hose off and turned the tap simultaneously, rubbing his hands together under the stream of water until all the red was gone. He shook his hands to dry them and moved aside, gesturing to show Shay it was her turn.

"Like this?" She enquired as she placed a hand out flat under the water, it splashed back and she almost over balanced as she stepped back to stop the water soaking her shirt.

"Try not to splash everywhere" He suggested, motioning for her to try again. She repeated the action with her other hand, squealing when the water splashed her face. Kelly sighed then laughed softly as he took her little wrist and turned until her palm was parallel to the flow of water. "Not splashing" He reminded as she began flapping her hand back and forth through the water.

"Not my fault! This water all splashy" Shay defended, giggling as the water was sent in all directions by her movements. Kelly let her play for a moment, not minding that his shorts were getting wet since Ember was squealing excitedly at the occasional droplet of water hitting her bare legs.

"Hands please" He urged when she grabbed his shorts and used them to balance on one foot so she could wet the other.

"But Daddy, rainy-bow" She appealed, letting her big blue eyes and pouty bottom lip do the work as she looked up at him.

"Yes it's a beautiful rainbow" He acknowledged before noticing that the water had started to pool at their feet, if the dirt turned into mud she would soon need to wash her feet for real. "Hurry up."

"Whyyyy?" Shay whined, drawing out the sound for as long as she could before trying the pout again.

"Because you're wasting water, just wash your hands please Shay" He requested seriously.

"Fine!" Shay accepted after another moment of admiring the rainbow created in the spray of water created by her foot, sounding particularly exasperated as she thrust her hands into the water and rubbed to get rid of the pink smears. "Daddy I show Uncy JayJay my rainbow when he come 'merica's birfday party this lunchtime?" She enquired, watching him turn the tap until the water stopped.

"We'll see" He answered, refusing to commit to anything.

"What next?" Shay demanded, placing her hands on her hips and tipping her head to the side.

"Next Mama wants all your toys in their basket" He supplied, pointing to the toys scattered across the grass.

"No" She replied flatly, shaking her head.

"Yes" He countered, only doubting going head to head with the toddler once he had already spoken.

"No. Can't" Shay insisted, the one extra word conveying more but still not enough for him to understand why she wasn't doing what she was asked the way she normally would.

"Why not?" He asked gently, crouching so that he was at the toddler's eye level.

"'cause my sand toys go in my sand silly!" She explained with a giggle, rushing at him to climb up his leg so she could look down at her little sister. "Emmy-bear I love you!"

"Emmy loves you too Shay" He assured, placing a kiss on the toddler's head as he set her down on her feet. "Now let's clean up, except for your sand toys, just the ones on the grass. Into the basket now. It's a race and I'm winning" He encouraged, rushing stand and pick up the nearest toys, a ball and a racing car. Ember shrieked each time he bent over for a toy, reflexively gripping at his shirt.

"NO!" Shay screamed as she launched for his hands to snatch the toys off him.

"Yeah" He encouraged, raising his hands and stepping around her to get to the basket.

"NO DADDY! STOP!" Shay continued, trying to block him as tears threatened to spill.

"Shh, hey, shh. It's okay Shay. I'll stop" He calmed, placing the toys back down on the grass and raising his hands in surrender. Shay didn't move or speak until he gave her a questioning look.

"I say when" Shay ordered, giving him a deadly serious look as she maintained eye contact while stooping to pick up the ball he had just put down.

"Okay" He agreed, nodding enthusiastically as she moved to the next toy, keeping careful watch of him. "You tell me when" He reminded when she had scooped up five toys, leaving a single toy that she couldn't possibly carry.

"When!" Shay announced as she opened her arms and dropped the toys, the moment the toys were in the basket she raced for the last one, a string of ducks that quacked loudly when pulled along the ground. Kelly moved towards the toy, slowly enough that Shay was guaranteed success but fast enough that she didn't think he was letting her win. "I WIN!" The toddler shouted as she dropped the ducks into the basket.

"You're too cheeky" He sighed, looking disappointed to have lost for a moment then scooping her up and peppering kisses across her face.

"Mama!" Shay called as she spotted her mother descending the back stairs. "Daddy saided I too cheeky!" The toddler informed as she wriggled from his arms and ran at her mother.

"What did you do?" Erin asked as she lifted the toddler to her hip.

"I winned!" Shay clapped, proudly celebrating her own victory.

"You won?" Erin questioned, pressing a kiss to Shay's forehead. "What did you win?"

"Race to putted all my toys 'cept my sandy toys 'way, 'cause my sandy toys 'way when the cover on my sandy-sand pit… And I winned" Shay finished, clapping again after what felt like a marathon explanation.

"Ah, you won the race. Good girl" Erin praised, patting Shay's back and smiling at the toddler until she noticed how close her husband suddenly was. She barely had the chance to look his way before he planted a kiss on her plump red lips.

"Daddy ew!" Shay complained, leaning forward to push against his shoulder.

"Sorry bub, can't resist when Mama's looking that gorgeous" He explained to the toddler, winking at his wife as he quite obviously looked her up and down. It was a dress she'd worn on a date night months and months ago but now it fit her perfectly, four buttons leaving just enough cleavage on display. It was still more than appropriate for the occasion with navy fabric covering elbow to knee, Erin having chosen it because the front opening allowed easy access for feeding Ember throughout the day.

"Gawjus" Shay repeated, emphasising each sound.

"Yep" Kelly nodded.

"Thank you" She accepted, smiling at the unexpected compliment before taking a step back to look at her husband properly, noticing the splash marks on his shorts. "Why are you wet?"

"We washed our hands" He explained, holding out his clean hands as proof.

"Hands?" She questioned sceptically, noting that since picking up Shay she had acquired almost matching wet marks from the toddler's saturated shirt and dripping leg.

"We made a rainbow, didn't we Shay" Kelly enthused, trying to justify to his wife and get Shay onside at the same time.

"Yeah, a real rainbowy rainbow Mama" Shay agreed, looking wondrously over at the tap that she now considered nothing short of magical.

"That's nice. It's time to head in and get dressed, then you can watch the parade on telly until Grandpa Hank gets here" Erin reasoned with the toddler, dismissive of their fun only because her husband had argued that it would be fine to get Shay dressed in her barbeque outfit straight away, thanks to her better judgement Erin didn't have to come up with an alternative.

"Umkay… but I no wearin' that frillsy skirt" Shay vowed blatantly.

"I bought it for our photos and you've never worn it. Please Shay, just try it" She tried to rationalise for the toddler.

"Nooo. I don't like" Shay complained, worming her way down to the ground in the hope that she could escape the garment.

"Please princess, do it for Mama and Daddy" Kelly requested with a conflicting mixture of pleading and authority.

"I wanna wear my oberalls… 'ay-go gonna see…" Shay whined. It took Erin a moment to work out what, or rather who, the toddler was talking about.

"Diego?" Erin offered as the only name in Shay's vocabulary containing those sounds.

"Yeah... I no want D'ay-go see me looking silly frilly" Shay explained desperately, it was clearly very important to her.

"I'll think about it" Erin allowed, ushering the toddler up the back stairs.

"Please Mama" Shay begged, brushing her hair out of her eyes so that she could give her mother the look.

"She doesn't want Diego to think she looks silly…" Kelly contributed in a high voice, batting his eyelashes excessively and flicking his wrist to imitate a stereotypical female.

"Daddy's being silly isn't he!" Erin told the toddler, slapping a hand to his back far harder than necessary. "And just for that he can change Emmy's stinky diaper…" She informed with a cruel smile, the smell enough to determine it would be a nasty job.

"Babe" He tried to apologise, knowing better than to argue against her chosen punishment.

"She's two years old mister, and its diaper duty or fighting to get her into the skirt…" She elaborated, frowning when he looked like he was seriously considering that option. "And braiding her hair" She added quickly.

"C'mon stinky-bear, time for a diaper change" He resolved, taking Ember's hand and smiling at her before heading up the stairs.

"Shay, I hope you're putting on the clothes I put out for you" Erin called as she followed her husband, Shay had already gone up the stairs so she was either getting dressed or hiding.

"That's a nice dress Er" Nadia commented, stepping out of the bathroom wrapped only in a towel, closing the door after herself.

"Thanks" Erin accepted, pausing for a moment to look at the young woman, or rather hesitating because she really didn't want to fight with Shay over the skirt. "Did you forget to turn the shower off?" She questioned when she realised she could still hear the water running.

"No" Nadia shook her head. "Chase is still…in there" She explained, voice growing softer as her confidence wavered, colour spreading across her cheeks.

"Right" She acknowledged with a single nod.

"Is there anything I can help with?" Nadia enquired, changing the subject. "Once I'm dressed" She added, mindful she wasn't wearing much.

"Uh, I don't think so, thanks though" Erin smiled, ending the conversation by then turning and making her way to Shay's bedroom. "Shay. Put the overalls down" She instructed, firm yet gentle as if she were trying to talk someone down from a ledge.

"But Mama! D'ay-go…" Shay wailed, falling to the floor in her hurry to get the overalls on before her mother could stop her.

"Why do you care so much about what Diego thinks?" Erin asked as she took Shay under the arms and lifted her, sitting her down on her bed so they could talk. Shay squirmed as she tried to get back to the overalls then accepted that her she wasn't going anywhere, that didn't mean she wasn't going to win the argument though.

"'Cause" Shay provided.

"Shay" Erin attempted to reason, giving the toddler a serious look as she turned slightly to retrieve the denim skirt from where it lay at the end of the bed. It wasn't frilly necessarily, just layered and gathered, distinctly feminine.

"No Mama... Please. It 'portant" Shay pleaded, letting the tears well in her eyes as she pointed to her overalls, crumpled on the floor.

"Why?" Erin questioned, placing a comforting hand on the toddler's leg, making it clear that she was open to rational discussion.

"D'ay-go… play…soccer… wif me" Shay took her time to explain, wringing her hands as if she were nervous.

"Diego played soccer with you once, six months ago…" Erin tried to put in context gently.

"No twice" Shay corrected, as if that made a massive difference to the situation.

"Twice… you haven't seen him in months" She reiterated.

"Him still play soccer but. And well Mama, I can't wear this for soccer" Shay finished, taking the skirt from her mother and opening it out so she was looking through the middle.

"You can change into your overalls after lunch" Erin conceded.

"Umkay" Shay nodded, laying back so she could pull the skirt on. Erin had to help make sure it was straight but otherwise the toddler seemed content to wear it. "Is JoJo coming?" She questioned, knowing the older girl would play with her even if she wore the skirt.

"Yeah Josie will be there" Erin confirmed as she helped Shay put on a plastic bracelet Josie had given her during the week.

"ERIN!" Kelly yelled, clearly in need of assistance.

"Shay, can you brush your hair while I see what's wrong with Daddy?" Erin asked as she placed the purple sparkly hairbrush in the toddler's hand.

"Daddy is so wrong" Shay mumbled as she put the hairbrush to use. Erin couldn't help but nod in agreement with the toddler as she left the toddler's bedroom.

"What's wrong?" Erin asked the moment she stepped into their bedroom.

"What did you feed her?" Kelly demanded, almost literally up to his elbows in the contents of Ember's diaper.

"What did you do?" Erin questioned, alarmed by the quantity and spread of the mess, it seemed to be everywhere. "Step back, just stop" She ordered, gesturing for him to get out of the way as she moved to take over, unwilling to touch him.

"It's already on me though" He argued, reaching for yet another baby wipe.

"Get out of the way" She commanded firmly, glaring at him as she snatched a baby wipe from the container the moment his hand was out of the way. Kelly set about wiping his hands and arms while Erin did her best to minimise the damage. The change table cover would already need to be washed, along with the onesie Ember had been wearing. "You can't blame me for this! You have no idea how hard it is…" She objected frustratedly. "I haven't had ice cream or real cheese in months, you try making milk out of lettuce! This is your fault… I could smell it as soon as I got outside, you should've changed her sooner" She criticized, trying to stay in control she took a deep breath and turned her attention to the squalling infant. "Poor bubba was all yucky while Daddy was being silly, Mama will clean you up."

"Erin…I'm sorry. I didn't mean it literally… I really appreciate that you feed her. It's this brand of diapers, they don't seal around the leg very well…" Kelly tried to amend.

"Blame the diapers! It's you Kelly. You did this. It hurts you know… And she's too little to be in the damn advert" Erin exploded, keeping her tone relatively even so as not to agitate the baby, throwing a glare over her shoulder at every opportunity.

"Is that what this is about?" He asked, sounding relieved.

"No! It's about you making a mess that I have to clean up. Again…" She sighed, irritated and exhausted, selecting a clean diaper and unfolding it.

"Erin" Kelly tried to calm.

"Don't interrupt me!" She snapped. "Why don't you do something useful instead of just standing there?" She demanded, noticing that the baby carrier had taken some damage when the diaper had failed.

"Erin" He repeated, this time adding a calming gesture. "The doorbell" He informed flatly, trying not to provoke her further.

"Oh…" She accepted, securing the tabs of the diaper before lifting the baby from the change table.

"Do you want me to wait so you can keep yelling?" Kelly muttered, thinking she wouldn't hear as she left the room, she did though.

"I want you to clean that!" She answered angrily, voice dangerously low, pointing at the baby carrier. She stepped out of their bedroom and stomped towards the stairs, spotting Nadia coming down the hallway as she went. "Nadia. Could you do Shay's hair? Just however it ends up is fine, she'll show you the hair ties we got" Erin asked, in what she hoped was a collected manner.

"Sure" Nadia nodded.

"I'm coming!" Erin called as the doorbell rang yet again, they were impatient and she had already let her frustrations get the better of her.

"Sorry, these are heavy… and there are still some out in the car" Hank informed as the front door was yanked open.

"Sorry, you're early" Erin sighed as she stepped out of his way, turning to look up the stairs. "CHASE!"

"WHAT?" The young man called back, stepping up to the banister as he wondered how she had known he had just left the bathroom.

"Can you come help please" She requested.

"Just let me get dressed" Chase agreed, rushing off in heavy footsteps above her head.

"I cleared a shelf in the fridge for you, I know you'll probably need more space than that but it's the best I could do…" Erin explained as she caught up with Hank who had started to make his way toward the kitchen.

"That's fine" He assured, placing the bags on the kitchen bench and opening the fridge to look at the space he had before turning to look at her. "You look nice."

"Thanks" She accepted, feeling calmer by the minute, regretting almost everything she had said to her husband. "I love the beanie. But you do know its summer right?" She teased, knowing he had worn the same beanie every year for as long as she could remember.

"Where's Shay?" He deflected, rolling his eyes at her.

"Getting dressed" She replied, turning Ember around to rub her back so that she didn't get cold wearing only a diaper.

"Are you the only one ready?" He questioned, stepping forward to stroke the baby's cheek as he noted her lack of clothing.

"No… yeah kind of. Hectic morning" She explained with a shrug.

"Really?"

"No, it was great until twenty minutes ago, Kelly and the girls were outside and Chase and Nadia were doing… whatever they were doing. I practically had the house to myself" She reflected with a distant sigh.

"What happened? He asked, sounding genuinely interested.

"One exploded diaper and two arguments, one with a two year old and the other with my husband who's acting like one…" She shared, his look instantly made her wish she hadn't opened her mouth. "No. I didn't mean that. Kelly's fine" She defended, thinking quickly to come up with an excuse. "I'm just stressed because there's a lot to do and not a lot of time before a whole bunch of people turn up…"

"What did you need help with?" Chase asked as he entered the kitchen, Erin hopeful he distracted Hank from what she had just said. She didn't feel she could handle a whole day of Hank picking on everything her husband did.

"Can you get the rest of the bags out of Hank's car please" She requested, watching as Hank handed his car keys to the young man and gave him brief instructions.

"Sure" Chase grinned, leaving the room as quickly as he'd arrived.

"Erin, I said I didn't want this to add to your workload. I'll handle everything from here on out, you just go relax with your family" Hank told her, surprising her somewhat with his kindness.

"Hank" She shook her head, knowing there was too much for one person to do alone.

"Go on, if you weren't feeding the little one I'd hand you a beer" He justified, steering her out of the kitchen. Erin couldn't stop herself from groaning at the mention of feeding the baby.

"It's ten thirty…" She argued, turning out of his hold to look at him.

"Go. Now" He ordered seriously, pointing toward the lounge room, they could both hear Shay and Nadia chattering excitedly about the parade on television. His expression was all she needed to know it wouldn't be worth it to argue.

"Fine" She accepted as if it were an arduous task, he gave a triumphant smile and turned back to the kitchen. Erin passed Chase in the hallway and suggested that he ask Hank if there was anything else he could do to help. "Fine" Erin repeated softly to herself as she stepped into the lounge room, immediately noticing that Shay was wearing her overalls.

* * *

"CHASE! Stop chasing your sister" Erin began in a yell, decreasing her volume the moment the young man looked in her direction.

"But Mum…" He complained, freezing mid-stride. Shay used the much needed respite to catch her breath, red faced and panting, eyes wide with fear. Chase lowered his foot to the ground and wiggled the pickle he held threateningly, Shay whimpered and readied herself to run again.

"Stop" Erin ordered as she got up and moved across the grass, placing a hand on Chase's arm so that he was forced to remain in place. "You want her to be afraid of pickles for the rest of her life?" She questioned seriously, only loud enough for him to hear.

"No! I just want her to try one" He complained, trying to justify his actions by reminding her that only an hour earlier over lunch she had encouraged the toddler to at least taste the food before refusing it.

"No more. Why don't you supervise the kids while they graffiti the side path with the chalk?" She advised strongly, watching a scowl form on his face, he knew he didn't really have a choice.

"Do I have to?" He complained, knowing the answer but hoping she would reconsider.

"Yes, someone has to or they'll end up out on the street" She explained as she backed away, realising that Shay was long gone as she returned to her seat at the table.

"You should get some bells for your front gate, we have bells on our pool gate, that way we can hear when the kids are out there, can't we Eva?" Antonio offered, speaking to both of them.

"Dad don't" Eva begged, it was clear he was referring to something in particular.

"What'd you do?" Erin questioned, turning away to check that Chase was doing what he was supposed to before leaning on the table to evidence her interest.

"Nothing" Eva answered innocently, glaring at her father.

"Nothing? It wasn't nothing. She thought she could get away with skinny dipping with her boyfriend in our pool…" Antonio shared, still angered by the incident.

"Dad!" Eva groaned, trying to hide her embarrassment by pulling out her phone.

"I thought I told you to leave that at home" He countered, pointing to the device then extending his hand to take it.

"No. Dad please, I'm giving Jacob directions so he can find this hell hole" Eva explained rapidly.

"Apologise or you can wait in the car, without the phone. You're lucky I said he could come" Antonio reminded, it had clearly been the topic of extensive negotiation.

"Dad" Eva grumbled.

"Now" Antonio ordered, knowing it was a matter of time.

"Sorry Erin, your place is nice" Eva provided, frowning at her father the entire time. Erin had been so absorbed by the exchange that she almost jumped when her name was mentioned.

"Without the eye rolling next time!" Antonio called after the teen as she got up and stomped away.

"Ugh!" Eva groaned in frustration as she headed for the side gate, planning to wait out the front until her boyfriend arrived.

"Does it ever get any easier?" Erin enquired, tilting her head and raising her eyebrows as she looked to the antagonised father.

"No" He answered quickly, not stopping to think.

"Mamaaa!" Shay bawled, almost tripping as she reached the edge of the grass and ran at her mother.

"Less bodily fluids the older they get though" Antonio informed, noting the tears and snot streaming down the toddlers face.

"Shh. You're okay" Erin comforted as she lifted the toddler onto her lap, pulling a tissue from her sleeve and wiping Shay's face.

"Chasey…tricked me!" Shay sobbed loudly, jabbing her finger back the way she had come.

"How?" Erin sought, turning the toddler around to get a better look at her.

"He saided I no drawed 'til I tried… pickle!" Shay explained, still struggling to say the word associated with such a disgusting food.

"Oh baby, I'll talk to him" She soothed, hugging the toddler and patting her back as she calmed down.

"I feel yuck Mama" Shay whined, grasping at her stomach. "I si…" She began only to have the pickle and most of her lunch make a reappearance, vomit only just caught in an empty salad bowl thanks to her mother's quick reflexes.

"What a catch! Good one Linds" Adam called, having witnessed the moment from where he sat chatting with Kevin at the other end of the table.

"You're okay, just breathe" Erin coached rubbing Shay's back as she coughed and sobbed. The moment she was confident Shay was alright she turned away and called for the person responsible. "CHASE!"

"What did I… oh" Chase realised, frustrated look turning sheepish as he took in the scene, swallowing hard. He hadn't meant for Shay to get upset and he definitely hadn't expected one bite of a pickle would make her sick.

"I'm not cleaning it up, and you owe her an apology" Erin said as she stood, placing the salad bowl in one of his hands and holding out the toddler for him to take. Shay was too occupied by her sore stomach to complain about being transferred to the perpetrators arms.

"Ugh" Chase grumbled softly as he balanced the toddler and bowl carefully to get up the stairs. Erin reached for a baby wipe from the container that she had placed at the end of the table where the smallest children had been seated for lunch and wiped her hands as she sat back down.

"Shouldn't I be asking you if it gets easier?" Antonio asked, referring to the fact that Erin was parenting a twenty-three year old.

"It doesn't" She sighed. "It's worth it though" She concluded after a moment, thinking at the very least that if she didn't have an adult son she would be dealing with the distressed and unwell toddler herself.

"What's worth it?" Hank asked as he slid onto the seat next to Erin, pointing to the back porch and raising his eyebrows. Kelly stood alone at the barbeque, snapping the tongs in their direction when he noticed them looking.

"Kids" Erin answered, it took Hank a moment to put the word in context again but then he sighed deeply and gave her an contemplative look.

"Mmm… I keep telling myself that" The older man said dryly, watching with delight as she processed what he had said.

"Oi!" She argued instantly, a playful jab of the elbow catching him in the side.

"Just kidding… Grandkids are better though, all the fun, none of the mess" He bragged, though he hadn't spent much time with either of his granddaughters since arriving.

"Don't want those anytime soon" She joked, face falling as she considered the real possibility Chase would become a parent before she turned fifty, the arbitrary age she had suddenly deemed acceptable for that sort of thing.

"Yeah" Antonio agreed, frowning as Eva and her boyfriend Jacob came through the side gate hand in hand.

"Want what?" Nadia questioned cheerfully as she joined them.

"Grandkids" Erin blurted, wondering if whatever Shay had was contagious as she fought the urge to be sick. She simply couldn't imagine her son having a baby, or Nadia either, they were far too young. Or maybe that was just her opinion because she hadn't even started thinking about anyone other than herself until her late twenties.

"Do not look at me when you say that…" Nadia complained, screwing up her face and looking offended.

"I said I don't want them anytime soon!" Erin defended quickly.

"Funnily enough I did get that impression" Nadia quipped, thinking back to the sudden abundance of condoms.

"Oh yeah? Good" She shook her head, happy to end the conversation there even though it left Hank and Antonio wondering what they were talking about.

"How do you feel about being an aunt though? Those two… it's gross" Nadia commented, pointing to Katie and Otis who seemed to have reconnected, fussing over Ember, if not for everything that had happened they likely would have been dating for years.

"I'm just glad Kelly hasn't noticed" Erin remarked softly, waving anxiously to her husband, it was almost as if he'd heard her speak given the way he looked at her the moment she said his name.

"True… I'm gonna go see if Chase needs help" Nadia explained as she got back up again.

"Don't help him!" Erin urged.

"What'd he even do?" Nadia questioned, she'd been too busy chatting with Kim and Watson to know where her boyfriend had disappeared to.

"He made Shay eat a pickle" Erin explained, it sounded like such a minor thing when said like that. "Which she then threw up" She added to give Nadia a little more context.

"Ew! Poor kid" Nadia agreed as she sat back down.

"Exactly, he deserves it" She justified, though only moments ago she had been considering going inside to check on them. Remaining where she was she listened but didn't contribute to the next portion of the discussion, sharing childhood memories of bad food experiences.

"I think she's hungry?" Kim informed uncertainly as she held Ember out to her mother, surprising Erin who hadn't really been paying attention to her surroundings.

"How'd you get her off Katie?" Erin enquired as she took the baby, cradling her in one arm while looking her over. The ferocity with which she sucked her fist a clear indicator that Kim's suspicion was correct.

"I'm a good baby thief" Kim informed as she sat down between Nadia and Adam.

"Right."

"Did Hayden talk to you yet?" Kim questioned casually.

"Uh… I don't think so. Why?" Erin returned, she had greeted the man and his daughter when they had arrived but hadn't really seen them since. She seemed to recall Ruby had been rolling a ball with Aiden but that had been before lunch.

"Nothing" Kim dismissed. "Was I right?" She asked pointing to Ember who had begun to grizzle softly, forehead wrinkled in a frown as she continued to suck her fist.

"Yeah, she's hungry" Erin nodded, moving her hand to pat the baby gently as she watched Kim turn to her fiancé and give him a triumphant look, as if to suggest that knowing Ember was hungry was enough evidence she would make a good parent one day.

"So are you gonna feed her?" Kim asked when she noticed Erin watching her.

"In a minute."

"Sure" Kim accepted, though she was quite keen to learn through observation.

"There's the little movie star!" Trudy exclaimed as she made her way towards them, she had finally had enough of Mouch, Russ and Cruz's conversation.

"We haven't decided anything yet" Erin replied firmly, making no move to give the baby to the older woman.

"What's going on?" Nadia questioned, feeling left out.

"The Commander wants little Ember to be the star of recruitment ad" Trudy filled in, smiling proudly as if she had something to do with the arrangement.

"Aw!" Kim contributed, thinking it was a wonderful idea.

"Wow" Nadia nodded, well attuned to Erin and aware that she clearly wasn't pleased by the prospect of her daughter featuring in an advert.

"Cool, only reason I signed up was 'cause of that ad with the puppy… baby things are a good marketing strategy" Watson shared, though no one was sure when he had joined the congregation. He had been happily playing a game of catch with Diego and the older Herrmann boys.

"So why haven't you decided?" Adam asked, trying to be interested since Kim clearly was.

"Yeah, what factors are you taking into consideration?" Watson questioned, wanting to help her out by analysing the situation, not even considering that it might be a sensitive topic.

"Uh… this baby thing's health is more important than some ad…" Erin answered after thinking for a moment, not meaning to sound rude.

"You don't have to explain yourself to this lot… Just me if you turn it down" Trudy reasoned, resting a hand on Erin's shoulder. "You know we get posters from the ads to hang around the district. I could do with seeing her cute face every day" She pressed, offering a finger to the baby, who removed her fist from her mouth just long enough to squeak loudly. "See she wants to do it" Trudy reasoned. "And If the department knows what's good for them there'll be billboards too."

"She doesn't know what she wants" Erin began softly, feeling under pressure to justify herself. "It's my decision and I've told the Commander he'll have to wait until Thursday."

"What's on Thursday?" Nadia asked, wondering if she'd missed out on an important conversation.

"She has a doctor's appointment" Erin shared, glad when all eyes shifted from her to the baby.

"Oh" Trudy gasped, not for the first time feeling that she'd been insensitive.

"What's wrong with her?" Adam demanded in his usual tactless manner. Erin had to take a deep breath to keep herself from reacting, there was nothing wrong with her baby.

"She's okay though? She looks alright" Watson questioned.

"She's hungry, so if you'll all excuse me…" Erin mumbled as she got up, pushing past Trudy as she headed for the stairs, not looking back.

"Oops… Should I go apologise?" Watson asked, concerned that he had caused Erin's rapid departure by prying.

"No, let her feed Em" Nadia told her partner, reassuring him that he hadn't been solely responsible.

"What was that for?" Adam yelped as Kim slapped his shoulder, if anyone had been responsible it was him Kim decided remembering the look on Erin's face after his tactless question.

"Being mean to Erin, nothing's wrong with Emmy. Is there?" Kim asked softly, looking to Nadia.

"How would I know?" Nadia questioned.

"You practically live here" Kim reminded, thinking it was fairly obvious.

"I think it's about Em's allergies, I don't know though. It's really none of our business, we shouldn't have asked so many questions… Just don't bring it up again, especially the ad thing, I don't think Erin wants her doing it" Nadia asserted, as much as she took responsibility for her part in driving Erin away she felt the need to defend her friend.

* * *

"Hey?" Erin mouthed to Hayden as she sat down on the couch, he was slumped at the far end, Ruby sleeping heavily with her head resting against his shoulder.

"She's out like a light, how are you?" Hayden asked, shifting slightly to face Erin speaking softly rather than whispering.

"Good, you?" She returned at the same volume.

"Yeah, not bad" He answered, only allowing himself to give a small smile. Erin would have asked what was going on in his life if Ember hadn't started crying in that exact moment. Ruby hadn't been disturbed by their conversation but the baby's cries made her start to stir, not wanting to be responsible to prematurely ending the toddler's nap Erin didn't hesitate to unbutton and offer a breast to her baby. Ember grunted and snuffled until she settled into a steady rhythm, Ruby snuggled against her father but remained asleep, the adults exchanged a knowing smile remaining quiet for a few minutes.

"Kim said you wanted to talk to me about something…?" Erin started softly, though Kim had actually only enquired as to whether they'd spoken yet.

"Um… yeah…" Hayden nodded, clearly not sure how to say the next part. "Sam and I are getting divorced."

"Oh" Erin reacted, surprised by the revelation despite not really knowing the couple very well. "I'm sorry?" She offered, not really sure what to say.

"I know it was wrong but we thought we'd be able to keep it together for Ruby" Hayden explained, rubbing the toddler's back gently. "Sam never liked the hours I worked but she always worked a lot too, before Rube came along… Anyway she's in Indiana at her parents place for now."

"You've got Ruby on your own?"

"Yeah… That's why I've been using sick days… Kim did too on Monday, she's been really great. I'm trying to sort out daycare but Rube's almost got separation anxiety. She just wants her mum, doesn't understand where she's gone" He disclosed, frowning thoughtfully. Just like that the puzzle pieces fell into place, she hadn't seen Sam in a while and Kim had mention Ruby the last few times they'd spoken. It also made sense why Kim would want Hayden to talk to her.

"Sam doesn't want custody?" Erin enquired, hoping it wasn't too personal a question.

"I don't know what she wants long term but for now she doesn't seem to care. Her mother wants Ruby…" Hayden shared, stroking Ruby's cheek and looking sad as he considered not being able to see her every day.

"I'm not sure what I can do to help but there's no reason for you to miss work, I can look after her whenever you need. I'm home with my girls anyway and she hardly seems difficult" Erin suggested, it was likely what Kim had expected to happen but it also made a lot of sense.

"You don't have to do that" Hayden shook his head.

"I know, but Intelligence is a family and that's what family does. It's no hassle really, Shay will love having someone else to play with" She assured, a few weeks ago she would have put Cindy forward instead of herself but after looking after Caitlin a few times she was confident she could handle three little ones. Cindy was occupied trying to get into a routine with her community college classes anyway.

"Are you sure?" He asked, an opportunity for her to take it all back.

"Yeah" She nodded certainly.

"If you're sure I'll talk to her when she wakes up" He accepted, placing a light kiss on his daughter's forehead as relief washed over him.

"Okay, tell me more about her?" She requested, adjusting her hold of Ember as she got comfortable, it was a convenient opportunity to multitask.

"Well she's almost eighteen months old, walking, talking – not really sentences but a few words, she doesn't always speak very clearly but it's not baby talk. I guess you know what that's like, you get used to it. She gets frustrated when you don't understand what she means though" He began proudly, it was clear he would be able to talk about his daughter all day. Erin didn't mind at all, listening intently as Ember continued to nurse herself to sleep. "Rube loves Frozen… It was the first movie she ever really saw. I know they say no TV until they're two but that's not really realistic when you're a single parent… I don't know if she really follows what's happening but it keeps her entertained, she laughs and sings along. Her favourite colour is blue, she has a blue teddy called Blue, she'll probably want to bring him with her. She eats just about everything, except pumpkin and avocado, can't stand those. She doesn't really throw tantrums, she's pretty quiet when she's upset, just gets up and walks away. We were working on getting her out of diapers but that kinda went sideways when Sam left… I'll figure it out…"

* * *

"Hi" Kelly whispered as he came up behind his wife, watching as she carefully tucked Shay into bed.

"Hey" Erin answered, pressing a kiss to Shay's head before following him out of the room.

"I was coming to see if you needed help" He explained as she moved through to their room to check on Ember.

"Even after her nap this afternoon she was pretty tired, two books" She replied, the number of books read before bed a fairly standard unit of measurement in their household. In this case it had only been two because having so many people over excited the toddler.

"She ran around a lot though, soccer with Diego" He reasoned, remembering catching the toddler and asking her to stop on more than one occasion, worried she'd lose her dinner as well if she continued such constant physical exertion.

"Yeah" Erin agreed, confusing her husband by untucking the sleeping baby and placing her on the change table.

"Did you manage to get the glow sticks off her?" Kelly asked as he watched her undo Ember's pyjama suit in order to change the baby's diaper, knowing better than to comment.

"Not all of them, she still has one on each wrist" She answered softly, trying not to wake the baby as she exposed her lower body to the cool air.

"It was a good idea" He added, Chase and Nadia had disappeared for half an hour, returning with glow sticks to keep the kids entertained as it grew darker. They'd connected them into bracelets, necklaces, crowns and belts. The older boys had taped some to a football for an interesting game, throws often intercepted by the smaller children.

"Mmm" She agreed, focused on the baby. Kelly was impressed when he saw that the diaper was actually wet. Erin almost managed to change Ember without waking her, it only took her a few minutes to rock the baby back to sleep afterwards.

"You going to come back out for the fireworks?" He questioned in a whisper, gazing lovingly at his wife as she laid the baby back in the crib and tucked the blanket around her.

"Probably, how much longer?" She asked, rubbing Ember's chest to make sure she was asleep.

"Fifteen minutes" He provided after checking his watch.

"I'll just wash my hands" She explained as she passed the bedroom door on her way to the bathroom.

"I'll keep you company" He smiled, following her closely.

"Okay" She accepted, giving him a questioning look as he leaned against the doorframe. She had felt his eyes on her the entire time and wondered what exactly he was looking at. Only when she startled him by reaching in his direction for the hand towel did he make eye contact.

"How are you?" He asked softly, taking a single step into the room and closing the door.

"What do you mean? I'm fine" She dismissed, searching his eyes for some sort of explanation for the question and his actions.

"I'm sorry about this morning" Kelly confessed.

"I wasn't fine then" She reflected, giving a single half-hearted laugh at herself.

"I'm really sorry" He reiterated, reaching for a freshly washed and dried hand.

"No I was out of control" She shrugged, trying to keep her hand out of his reach. He challenged her with a look then took her by the waist and pulled her into a hug instead.

"Still nothing?" He asked cautiously as he released her, communicating with his eyes to clarify.

"Mhm. I don't mean to be all over the place. I'm trying…" She sighed, doubting that she was trying hard enough to prevent or at least disguise the extreme emotional fluctuations she was experiencing.

"I know" He assured, rubbing her back supportively as he spoke, "and I love you, no matter what."

"I love you too" She accepted smiling as he slowly lowered his lips to hers.

"I was really just asking 'cause… I. Need. You" He breathed hotly into her ear, punctuating his words by lightly pressing his lips to the sensitive skin below.

"Babe!" She gasped, pushing away from his chest, eyes big and alarmed at first then softening as she allowed his words to affect her. Heart rate increasing as she bit her lip and tilted her head, waiting for him to make his next move.

"I'm serious… You're so beautiful… and we have time" He justified, appealing to her logical side and adding a dash of flattery to help persuade her.

"We also have twenty people in our backyard!" She argued, taking another step back as he advanced, smiling wickedly.

"Shh" He commanded pressing his finger to her lips as he caught her, trapped against the shower door. Kelly ran his finger down her chin, letting it drop to her chest, remaining central until the fabric started to resist. Then he traced the curve of her breast across while seizing her head with the other hand, pulling and angling so that their lips met. He kissed her hard and fast, distracting her from his fingers at her buttons and the front clasp of her bra. Feeling her hands grasping desperately at his shirt he released her, leaving her on the verge of seeing stars she felt so breathless, breathing heavily as he immediately leaned in to kiss his way down her neck. She couldn't help but moan between panting breaths, his lips on her collarbone, hands cupping her breasts, her skin set alight by his touch. Then he stopped. Hands falling to his sides as he straightened to look at her, eyes so intense that her knees felt weak. "We don't have to" He baited, knowing her initial reluctance was long gone.

"Yes we do" Erin asserted, grabbing him by the waist of his pants and tugging until their bodies collided, flinging her arms around his neck so that their lips could do the same. He chuckled softly when they broke apart to breathe, lifting her easily then walking her across the small room to set her down beside the basin. They were both acutely aware of how much time they didn't have. Erin fell back against the mirror, moaning as loudly as she dared when one of his hands ran up her thigh, serving to push the dress up and out of the way, his other hand kneading at her breast. Mouths remained fused as they focused on the destination rather than the journey, both just wanting to get there as quickly as they could. Kelly's hands soon got to work, one removing her underwear while the other dropped his pants and boxers. Seconds later she was repositioning herself to meet his rapid thrusts, turning away from his kiss to fight for control over her breathing, fearful she would pass out if she didn't. The urgency of his movements increased at almost the same rate as her need to utter expletives. Clinging together for the moment of impact they released each other a moment later, Erin slumping back against the cool relief of the mirror while her husband sagged over her, leaning heavily on the basin as he caught his breath, and her eye.

"Thank you beautiful" He murmured softly, kissing her forehead and brushing the hair from her face.

"Thank you" She returned, pushing him up as she straightened, slipping off the bench to test her legs as the quivering ceased. Looking over her shoulder at the mirror she didn't see the beauty he was referring to, she looked a sweaty mess. Bending to retrieve her underwear led to her pulling his pants up from around his ankles, buttoning and zipping so that he looked reasonably collected. They spent a moment correcting their appearance before sharing a quick kiss and leaving the bathroom. It was dark outside and they hoped it would be enough when coupled with a collaborated excuse about Shay having trouble getting to sleep. Because they returned before the fireworks began there was little suspicion regarding their whereabouts. With only one seat remaining Kelly pulled his wife onto his lap, relaxing back to watch as the fireworks lit the sky. Ending a day filled with family and fun.

**That was one hell of a chapter to write, 21 pages, 8464 words and a little bit of everything! Sorry it took so long but as you can imagine it wasn't done in one sitting like a typical chapter. I'll probably be going back to shorter chapters in the coming updates.**

**I really wanted to portray a fun family gathering but I didn't go into too much detail regarding activities because as an Australian I wasn't overly confident it would be realistic (thanks to Stagediva23 for your advice on the 4****th**** of July). **

**Watson (Nadia's partner) doesn't actually have a first name! I just can't seem to think of one that fits the person he is in my head – he's committed to his work, very compassionate, young and fun at the same time – suggestions would be hugely appreciated. **

**Anything you particularly liked or disliked? **


	179. Chapter 179

"Good morning" Erin greeted calmly, opening the door smoothly and only giving a small smile so as not to scare Ruby with too much enthusiasm.

"Morning" Hayden replied, bouncing his daughter a few times to prompt a response, the little redhead remained silent, giving her father an indifferent look before stuffing her teddy's ear into her mouth. "Uh-uh, say hello" He ordered, slipping a finger into the toddler's mouth to remove the furry fabric.

"Hello Ruby, and hello to you too, what's your name?" Erin asked, taking the teddy's nearest paw and shaking as if she were greeting a person. The toddler looked to her father then giggled softly, it was the first time anyone had ever thought to include her bear.

"Blue" Ruby shared softly, cuddling the bear tighter to her chest as she giggled again, hiding her face in her father's shoulder instead of returning Erin's smile.

"Why don't you come in, my girls are playing. Would you like to play Ruby?" She enquired, not taking the toddler's shyness as a sign of disinterest, she could tell the little girl was listening intently. She led them through to the lounge room where Shay and Ember were playing quietly, Shay knew to be on her best behaviour and Ember was half asleep, propped up by a large stuffed caterpillar.

"Da?" Ruby squeaked, clutching at his shirt as he tried to put her down, hoping the abundance of toys would tempt the toddler.

"I'll play for a little bit" Hayden confirmed, not forcing the toddler to loosen her grip he simply sat down at the edge of the blanket and crossed his legs. They'd discussed this over the phone the day before and Hayden had allowed plenty of time for Ruby to settle in before he had to leave for work. It had meant an early morning for Erin and the girls but hopefully it would translate into an easier day for them too.

"I've got some fun things planned for the day Ruby. I thought we might go to the park and have a little picnic for morning tea. A teddy bears picnic if Blue wants to come. Then we'll come home again, do some finger painting or play with playdough before lunch time. What do you think?" Erin put to the toddler who had turned around to sit on her father's lap, watching everything that was happening in the room.

"That sounds fun doesn't it?" Hayden encouraged.

"What comes after lunch Shay?" Erin asked when it became clear Ruby wasn't going to speak, Shay was curious as to why both adults seemed focused on the other girl and Erin didn't want her to become jealous.

"Nap sleepsy time" Shay answered clearly, smiling at her own ability to remember.

"Yeah, nap time. Then we could watch a movie" Erin added, Ruby mesmerized by the Elsa toy Shay was playing with.

"Fwozin?" Ruby questioned, voice small, looking up at her father.

"Mhmm, Shay likes Frozen too" Hayden nodded, pointing to Shay and her toy.

"E'sa" Ruby named, leaving Blue behind as she ventured from her father's lap to get close enough to touch the plastic doll when she pointed.

"My Elsa" Shay informed flatly, Ruby moved to back away. "You wanna play Elsa? You does the brushin' if you wants" Shay offered, holding the tiny plastic hairbrush out to share.

"Da?" Ruby squeaked, looking over her shoulder, it was clear she wanted to play.

"Yeah, Shay wants to play with you" He told her, smiling and nodding.

"Peas" Ruby told Shay as she took the hair brush, scooting forward on her bottom to reach the long blonde hair, brushing away. Both parents observed the girls for a few minutes to make sure they played nicely, alternating turns and communicating.

"Is there anything you think she'd like for lunch?" Erin asked Hayden, looking away from the girls and noticing just how anxious he appeared.

"She really loves grilled cheese, only if you cut it into triangles though" He warned, knowing how upset his daughter would get if she was presented with a sandwich cut into any other shape. He knew how to calm her down but he wasn't certain Erin did.

"Shay's the same" She smiled, hoping to lighten the mood.

"Oh, great" He commented, looking back to the girls for a moment. "Thanks again for doing this, it's really great of you. I owe you big time."

"Don't worry about it, I'll be having fun finger painting while you're working" She brushed off, not feeling she deserved any thanks for simply helping a friend out.

"It sounds like you've got a nice day planned" He remarked, knowing his daughter would have fun doing all the things Erin had planned.

"It's all stuff we were going to do anyway" Erin assured.

"'cept 'oga" Shay contributed, apparently listening to and understanding their conversation.

"Yeah, except we normally have yoga, but Gina called and said it was cancelled today" Erin provided, adding more information to put what the toddler was saying into context. It was just as well they'd been awake early because otherwise Gina's call would have woken them.

"Yoga?" Hayden questioned, surprised by the revelation that Erin participated in yoga, she seemed much more like the kind of person who would argue against the peaceful activity in favour of boxing.

"It's a mums and bubs group… nothing serious" She justified, glad she wouldn't have to make a phone call to Sharron straight away, taking two little ones to yoga was unprecedented, three would be difficult if not impossible. She would have to figure out something else to do on Monday's if she was to look after Ruby regularly.

"Ahh" He nodded his understanding. "You've got one less to worry about there" He noted, gesturing to Ember who had fallen asleep where she sat.

"Yeah, she'll sleep most of the morning" Erin explained, thinking it was rather convenient that Ember's morning rest would give her the chance to establish herself looking after the two toddlers before having to manage all three. They fell into a comfortable silence again as Shay and Ruby negotiated where to put the last sparkly snowflake hairclip. The girls were playing so nicely together that for a moment Erin allowed their little game to occupy her thoughts entirely, then she checked her watch.

"I might have to…" Hayden nodded, eyes drawn to her movements before he mirrored them to look at his own watch.

"Okay" She agreed. "Just relax. I've got her, she'll be fine" She comforted as he shifted nervously.

"Ruby, Daddy has to go to work now. Do you want to say goodbye?" He asked gently.

"Bye Da!" Ruby answered, barely looking away from the game long enough to do more than flop her hand at him in a wave.

"Can I have a hug?" He pressed, feeling that he needed some finality in the form of a physical farewell.

"S'ay?" Ruby questioned, looking to the older girl.

"You say bye-bye you Daddy now" Shay encouraged, putting the hairclips down so Ruby didn't think she was missing out on anything.

"Bye-bye Da" Ruby shared as she toddled back over to him and let him cuddle her tightly to his chest.

"Bye-bye Rube, you have a nice day. I'll see you this afternoon" He assured, pressing a kiss to her forehead as he released her.

"See you later" Erin waved, nodding encouragingly as Hayden got up slowly leaving Blue sitting on the blanket, hesitated for a second then left. She waited until the front door clicked closed then looked to the toddler expecting some form of reaction, other than a questioning look there wasn't one. "He'll be back later Ruby" She reassured though she was quite sure the toddler just wanted to know if she was allowed to go back to playing.

"Play?" Ruby pointed, seeking permission.

"Yes" Erin smiled, feeling that she must be doing something right since Ruby didn't seem at all fazed by her father's departure. Half an hour later is became apparent that it was simply a case of a delayed response. The girls had played joyously, chattering and squealing away, but the moment they were asked to put the toys away so they could go to the park Ruby started to cry for her father.

"You 'kay Wooby, you Daddy work. You no cry be sad… My Daddy work too and I no sad" Shay tried to comfort wrapping her arms around her little friend.

"DA! Dad…Daaaa" Ruby wailed as she shoved Shay away and ran to the front door.

"Mama" Shay requested, pointing in the direction Ruby had travelled.

"I know, thank you Shay" Erin assured, affectionately running her hand across the side of Shay's face as she moved to go after the other toddler, confident she wouldn't be able to get through the door unassisted. "Ruby" She said softly, taking the toddler's wrist to stop her banging at the front door.

"No! Da!" Ruby screamed in response, pulling her hand free and turning back to face the door, crying loudly as she scratched at the white surface.

"Shh" Erin hushed as she crouched, placing a hand on the little girl's back. "Shh, Ruby. Listen to me please" She instructed gently.

"Daaa!"

"I know you're sad your Daddy isn't here" Erin acknowledged, nodding understandingly and giving the toddler a sympathetic look when she finally turned around. "But he's going to come back later to get you. After we do all our fun activities, like going to the park" She informed cheerfully.

"We park Wooby. I play you…" Shay interjected, standing behind her mother to watch the exchange, concerned by her new friend's upset.

"Blue" Ruby demanded.

"I get" Shay nodded, rushing to retrieve the teddy bear from the lounge room. "Here go, no more sad" She urged as she handed the toy over, Ruby immediately began to suck his ear, nodding in agreement as Shay patted her shoulder gently. Erin knew that Hayden was trying to discourage the behaviour but since Ruby was in a new environment with people she didn't know particularly well she decided to let it slide.

"Blue can come to the park" She reminded as she stood back up, smiling to thank Shay before moving away to check the diaper bag. It took her a few minutes to get organised enough for them to leave, packing snacks for morning tea and getting shoes or socks on six little feet and hats on two heads. Ember slept through being secured in the pram while Shay and Ruby compared their favourite stuffed animals. Blue and Roary looked surprisingly similar in terms of wear and tear, both featuring areas that were sucked and stroked for comfort and one arm a tad longer than the other thanks to constant dragging. Shay was used to walking alongside the pram and for the first block and a half Ruby held her hand, then she got tired and Erin carried her the rest of the way. She had plenty of energy for playing once they arrived though, running after Shay like a slightly smaller redheaded shadow.

"Mama" Shay called, making sure her mother was paying attention before letting go of the sides and sliding down the small blue slide. Erin stopped pushing the pram back and forth for a moment to extend her hands and catch her daughter setting her down on the ground in time to do the same for Ruby. Both girls didn't stand still for long, rushing to climb back up and go again, Shay helping Ruby on the wobbly bridge between the platforms.

"Slow down girls" Erin called repeatedly over the next twenty minutes, pushing the pram around the playground to stay close to them. Ember had woken thanks to the girls delighted squeals but between sucking on her feet and taking in their surroundings she was entertained and quiet. Shay and Ruby eventually stopped running, requiring a break and morning tea to recharge before they were off again. Erin was packing up the picnic blanket and carefully stowing the long forgotten stuffed toys in the pram at Ember's feet when she heard the shout.

"MAMAAAA!" Nothing bad had happened yet, but it was about to. Shay seemed to think that her mother could make it to the bottom of the slide in time to catch her despite already being in motion. Hurtling at full speed down the slide on her stomach, something she had only ever been allowed to do at the indoor playcenter under her father's strict supervision, under instruction not to tell her mother.

"Shay!" Erin yelled back as she started to move. Abandoning the pram she very nearly made it in time, catching Shay's arm so the toddler didn't hit the ground head first, the spongy softfall no barrier to serious injury. Not wanting to yank too hard on Shay's arm and cause an injury whilst trying to prevent one Erin didn't quite lift the toddler high enough, Shay's knee catching the ground as momentum made her swing in her mother's grip. Erin scooped her up and squeezed the toddler in a hug before Shay could even process what had happened and cry. "You're okay, it's okay" Erin murmured softly as she tried to get a look at the toddler's knee without Shay seeing.

"Ouchy!" Shay finally managed to moan, sobbing quietly as she buried her face against her mother's neck.

"I know baby, it's just a little graze" Erin assured, rubbing Shay's back to help calm her down.

"S'ay?" Ruby squeaked uncertainly from the top of the slide, so far she had imitated everything the older girl had done.

"She's alright Rube, slide down on your bottom for me" She requested, holding Shay with one hand so she would have one free to help Ruby when she got to the end of the slide. Ruby inched her way down the slide, gripping the sides the whole way down then slipped off, landing on her feet with Erin's help. "We might go home and get a bandaid now hey?" She suggested rhetorically to both girls, wishing she had thought to keep some in the diaper bag instead of just in the car.

"'kay" Shay nodded, snuggling closer as her mother's bent to the side to take Ruby's hand, leading her over to the pram. Ember appeared not to have noticed her mother's absence but squeaked and squealed excitedly to see her again, kicking and squirming against the harness. "Mama, my too ouchy-hurty for walks" Shay informed as Erin tried to figure out how she was going to get home if Ruby got tired of walking again.

"I know bub, I'll carry you. Ruby do you want to walk?" She asked, pointing to the side of the pram where Shay had held on. Ruby pondered the idea for a moment then nodded, positioning her hand before tugging to get them moving. By the time they got home Ruby sat in the front of the pram with Ember kicking at her back, Roary and Blue stuffed on either side so that the baby couldn't even attempt to roll. Shay had fallen asleep and felt at least twice as heavy in Erin's arms, laid down on the couch the moment they got inside. Ruby pulled out toys and started to play while Erin sat down to feed Ember, enjoying the brief moment of quiet. Shay only slept for another twenty minutes and after fussing over her knee and plastering bandaids on both little girls and their stuffed animals they moved on to finger painting in the dining room.

"Look" Shay ordered, holding up a sheet of paper smeared with green, blue and purple paint.

"'ook!" Ruby copied, displaying her blue, orange and pink handprint art proudly.

"Beautiful work girls, do you want me to put them somewhere to dry so you can do more?" She asked as she reached across the table for the paintings.

"More!" Shay nodded, wiping her hand on the old t-shirt she wore.

"More" Ruby repeated, watching her painting carefully as Erin took it to the far end of the table where the sun spilling through the window would dry it. Shay had climbed onto the table and selected two clean sheets of paper, handing one to Ruby before moving back to her chair.

"Could you paint the park for me?" Erin challenged as she sat back down, slightly alarmed when Shay then splattered her page with red paint, telling Ruby that it was all the blood from her knee. "That's a bit yucky Shay."

"No" The toddler argued, shaking her head adamantly and frowning at her mother.

"No" Ruby agreed. Erin wasn't sure how long it would take her to go mad with everything her daughter said echoed in a smaller voice, it was already beginning to irritate her.

"Shh and paint" She instructed, turning back to her phone to send yet another text message assuring Hayden that Ruby was fine. The rest of the day was uneventful and went quite quickly with grilled cheese sandwiches, playdough and Frozen filling in the time until Hayden arrived to collect his daughter. Ruby was very talkative in sharing that she'd had a fun day surprising her father who noticed she'd picked up several new words. Erin didn't take any credit for that but was quick to point out that the bandaid on Ruby's knee was just so that she didn't feel left out, advising that he take it off after letting it soak in a bath. They arranged a slightly later drop off time for the next day and were on their way, both thanking Erin as she saw them out.

* * *

**A third the size of yesterday's chapter and not quite as much fun but I thought it was important to establish Ruby's character a little. The Powell divorce isn't going to be a big storyline, it's just happening in the background but worth mentioning. I was motivated to write this so quickly because it's Chicago PD day tomorrow(!so excited!) and as a result of Sandygirl's PRICELESS review (thank you lovely). UKgirl71 up next is Emmy's doctor's appointment/test results so there'll be some drama there for you (I feel like I deserve a science degree I've done so much research for it). And after that we might need to go back to work with the boys for some action/drama… **

**I love all the reviews I receive and I take your ideas/suggestions seriously :D**

**Now nobody made any name suggestions for Watson so I went to my backup plan and consulted the baby name generator… Three options to choose from: Brody, Zachary (Zac) or Charles (Charlie). Please let me know which you like best!**


	180. Chapter 180

**180!**

**I'm going to preface this chapter with a reminder: I am ****not**** a doctor/nurse/scientist of any variety. I ****am**** a writer. I do my very best to bring you medically accurate scenarios, I spend hours researching in order to do this. If you are somebody in the medical field or someone with personal experience in this area feel free to contact me so I can edit/correct any mistakes you feel I have made. Please enjoy :D**

"Ugh, what?" Erin groaned before even opening her eyes, pulling her pillow up and rolling away from the soft call of her name.

"Sorry to wake you babe" Kelly replied softly, sitting down as lightly as he could on the edge of the bed next to her.

"Ugh…what…doing 'fore…'larm?" She grumbled, pushing him away with her knee while flopping her arm up over her eyes. It had only been three days in a row but she already dreaded the beeps and vibrations that forced her from her bed.

"I made you breakfast" He explained in a whisper, lifting her limp arm slightly to place a kiss on her cheek. Her left eye opened a fraction as she processed those words, the plate in his other hand evidencing his claim. She closed her eye then opened both, just to double check, not that she was sure why she had automatically assumed he was messing with her, he'd never done anything of the sort before.

"Why?" She croaked, her question sounding far harsher than intended. He smiled, eyes directing hers to the plate. "Thank you" She corrected as tears welled in her eyes involuntarily, rapidly spilling down her cheeks. She sniffed loudly and tried to cover her face with her hand, desperate to hide the ridiculous level of emotion.

"Hey, Babe I'm sorry" He rushed to apologise, setting the plate down on the bedside table before taking the hand obscuring her face, giving it a comforting squeeze. His other hand cupped her cheek, thumb working like a windscreen wiper to brush her tears away as they continued to fall. Taking a massive shuddering breath Erin tried to claw back some control, failing when she blinked enough to see the concerned look on his face. He probably thought he had done something wrong.

"No!" Erin argued the instant the thought crossed her mind, shaking her head so furiously that he withdrew his hand. "Thank you" She squeaked, pushing herself up with her elbows to wrap her arms around him in a hug.

"Shh" He requested as he reciprocated, holding her tightly and pressing soft kisses to the top of her head.

"I'm sorry" She mumbled into his shoulder.

"It's okay they're just pancakes" He joked, pulling away to look at her, hoping his goofy grin coupled with a wink would cheer her up. She sputtered out a laugh then bit her lip as she struggled to keep the tears at bay. "See, pancakes" He continued, retrieving the plate and holding it out to her proudly. Three vaguely pink raspberry pancakes layered with Nutella and peanut butter, topped with a mountain of whipped cream and sprinkled with raspberries. He'd clearly gone to a lot of effort to please her, her expression wasn't one of gratitude though, forehead creased as she frowned.

"Why would you…?" She started, muffling a sob as she shook her head at him, retreating until the headboard stopped her. "Why?" She squeaked, eyes swimming with betrayal she curled her legs up to her chest, hugging them as she tried to contain the anger she was suddenly feeling.

"Oh!" Kelly gasped when after a few seconds he understood what was wrong, pointing to the whipped cream. "No. Baby it's not what you think" He assured. "I braved an extremist vegan store on the other side of the city for this stuff, I don't know what it's made of – and I'm not sure I want to – but its lactose free…"

"You…" She sobbed openly, realising how stupid she had been, wiping her eyes quickly. Now that she knew it became particularly obvious that it wasn't real whipped cream, slightly thinner and paler. "I love you" She blurted, doing her best to give him a look that conveyed her seriousness along with an apology.

"I should hope so, 'cause I love you too Er. Lots" He assured, smiling again despite feeling like he needed a few minutes to recover from the sudden ups and downs of her emotions.

"I'm sorry. You're so perfect" She laughed softly, in disbelief that even after subjecting him to a few turbulent weeks he was making the effort to do nice things for her. At times like these she was surprised he was even still there, eyes glistening as she considered the alternative.

"Stop that, it's okay. Everything is okay" He calmed, patting her thigh. "I don't know if you remember but you said we needed a lactose free variety so you could join in the uh…'fun'" He reminded, tilting his head and raising his eyebrows so it was impossible for her to miss what he was suggesting.

"I remember" She nodded, laughing more confidently as she tried not to blush.

"It was pretty selfish really…" He reasoned with a shrug. "So was calling Hank and asking him to look after the girls tomorrow night. And telling Chase not to come home after shift."

"You did not!" Erin practically gasped, a scandalous look crossing her face.

"I did" He confirmed proudly, it had taken both initiative and bravery to reach out to Hank, especially to request assistance to get some alone time with Erin. "We need the house to ourselves for the things I have planned with that stuff" He finished, enjoying watching her reaction to what he was implying. "Don't give me that look! And don't you dare cry again" He added as soon as he noticed her expression changing. It wasn't that he didn't like to see her vulnerable side, he just wasn't at all used to quite so much of it.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm a mess… There's something wrong with me" She mumbled, blinking away tears and swallowing hard.

"There is nothing wrong with you" He countered immediately. "You're just not bottling up everything you're feeling like you normally do, and maybe that's not a bad thing. We're both just not used to it. But there's a lot going on at the moment, you're tired from waking up so early and looking after Ruby and our girls all day, Emmy hasn't been sleeping well the last few nights. And her appointment is today, I'm worried about that so you must be. It'll all be okay though, things will settle down. I promise. Just eat your breakfast, you'll feel better" He resolved, finally handing over the plate he had been holding the entire time, having essentially forgotten what he was there for the moment she'd burst into tears.

"Mmm" She moaned appreciatively as she ate the first forkful, she didn't usually like sweet breakfasts on weekdays but it was exactly what she craved.

"Better?" He enquired hopefully.

"Mhmm" She confirmed with a nod. "Why does eating food you cook turn me on?"

"I… I don't know" He replied, taken by surprise he couldn't hide his smug smile. Erin giggled when she spotted the red tinge to his cheeks, trying to concentrate on eating though his facial expressions were particularly distracting. "I'm going to go check on Chase and the girls. You eat that then take your time getting ready, the appointment's not 'til ten and we've got everything covered so there's no need to rush" He instructed, leaning in to kiss her forehead before getting up and leaving while her mouth was still full, not wanting to distract her any further.

"Thanks" Erin tried to call after him once she'd swallowed, suspecting that he was already part way down the stairs. "Hmm" She shrugged to herself, looking down at the remainder of her breakfast, cutting another piece of pancake and popping it into her mouth before hearing a squeal from downstairs that didn't belong to either of her girls. Identifying it as a noise Ruby would make she turned to the clock on the bedside table, shocked to see it was hours later than she had thought. It took her a moment to process but then she sighed deeply, realising her husband was even more incredible than she had given him credit for.

* * *

"Severide" The doctor called, recognizing the family in the corner of the waiting room and smiling pleasantly in greeting.

"Deep breath" Kelly reminded in a whisper as he took his wife's hand and stood up, holding Ember effortlessly in his other arm.

"Come on through, it's been a while hasn't it?" The doctor chattered as he led them down the corridor and into his small office and consultation room. Erin nodded her agreement but remained silent as she took the seat nearest the door, wishing she was holding the baby. Only once she was seated did she take her husband's advice, one deep breath followed by another helped her relax. Kelly had been right about that so she convinced herself to trust him holding their daughter as well. "Right. Good morning. I'd like to start by apologising for what you've been through. I was stunned to receive Doctor Ward's report… If I'd suspected anything…" The doctor began apologetically, carefully constructing his statement so as not to assume guilt for the incident.

"Thanks Doc, you had no reason to think anything like what happened would happen…" Kelly dismissed when it became clear his wife wasn't going to speak, smiling thankfully and maintaining eye contact with the other man.

"She looks incredibly healthy though, considering" The doctor commented, turning his attention to the baby, sitting contentedly on her father's lap, entertaining herself by twisting her hands together.

"She's doing well" Erin confirmed, shifting in the chair to face her husband and daughter, suppressing the desire to leave she decided to actively participate in the appointment instead. Kelly's supportive smile and encouraging nod made her sure it was the right decision.

"Now, I received Professor Dinham's report a few weeks ago…" He started, shuffling around the papers on his desk.

"We've been quite busy" Erin defended, almost too quickly, she hadn't yet been completely honest with her husband about dodging calls to make an appointment.

"Nothing bad I hope" He acknowledged kindly.

"No, just our anniversary and family stuff…" She justified, looking to her husband for agreement.

"Congratulations" The doctor extended politely. "Now, back to the report. I read through it initially and again this morning but I thought it would be best if we could get the Professor to explain everything. He was more than willing and I've scheduled a web-conference in few minutes" He explained, bumping the mouse to bring the computer to life.

"Oh, okay" She accepted, stomach sinking as she realised it had to be bad if he was getting the professor to explain.

"Until then why don't we weight and measure Ember, see where she's at on the charts" The doctor suggested after confirming that the time on the screen matched the time on his watch.

"Yeah sure" Kelly agreed, knowing his wife wasn't in a position to, concern getting the best of her.

"If you could just undress her, everything but the diaper" The doctor directed as he stood up, reaching across his desk and rubbing hand sanitizer into his hands.

"Yep" He nodded. Erin had dressed the baby knowing this was likely and it was a simple matter of unzipping the colourful romper and removing the little pink singlet Ember wore.

"How has she been? Eating? Sleeping? Any milestones?" The doctor enquired as he took the baby carefully, trying to keep her settled when he lay her down on the scales. Kelly wasn't really sure what to say so he looked to his wife, taking her hand and squeezing it firmly.

"She's great. Eats well, sleeps pretty well…" Erin began after swallowing the lump in her throat. "She's started to babble quite a bit and she makes a little squeaky noise sometimes. She started rolling over recently, she doesn't have much control over it but she's experimenting."

"Wonderful, it's great when they start learning to move themselves isn't it?" The doctor commented in an attempt to be friendly.

"Yeah" She nodded, not really paying much attention to his words, more interested in the way he held Ember as he transferred her to the bed to me measured.

"It's important to make sure she's sleeping on her back though, not rolling around in her crib" The doctor continued.

"Erin's an expert at tucking her in" Kelly assured.

"Good. There are a number of head stabilizer pillows on the market, to stop her rolling, similar to those in a car seat really. That sort of thing allows freedom of movement for her lower body, the muscles she'll need to develop for sitting, crawling and walking."

"Okay" Kelly smiled, thinking another trip to the massive warehouse of baby stuff was in order. The doctor finished taking his measurements and handed the baby back to her father, Kelly held her until the doctor sat down then passed her across to his wife. It was obvious to him that Erin wanted and needed reassurance and who better to provide that than the baby whose health was in question.

"She's four months?" The doctor questioned as he pulled out a chart, looking to plot the data he had just collected.

"Three months, three weeks" Erin corrected, turning Ember around to hold her up against her shoulder, patting and rubbing the baby's back to still her shaking hands.

"Oh? She's doing very well then, sixteen pound, five ounces, is off the charts. And twenty-five and a half inches tall is in the 95th percentile" The doctor shared looking pleasantly surprised by the information. "And she seems very alert" He added with a comforting smile. A moment later the computer started to make a soft beeping noise, the doctor frowned and put his glasses on before turning his attention to the device. "Right, let's see how this works" He muttered to himself as he clicked icons until Professor Dinham's upper body came into view. It took a few minutes for them to get everything sorted, adjusting the webcam such that everyone in the small office was in view and turning up the volume so they could hear each other.

"Good Morning" Professor Dinham greeted with a small wave at the camera.

"Morning" Kelly nodded in reply.

"Now there's a healthy baby if ever I've seen one" The professor commented as he leaned in to the computer screen to look at Ember. Erin had turned the baby around and sat her on her lap so that she was facing the camera.

"Growing perfectly, off the charts" Their doctor contributed.

"Now you've got the report?" The professor checked before beginning.

"Yes. I just thought you might like to talk Mr and Mrs Severide through the results" He explained.

"Absolutely. I know the appointment was some time ago but you'll likely remember that we were looking into her sensitization to common allergens. The tests we conducted allowed us to narrow down the cause of her reaction to a family of antibiotics…" Professor Dinham paused to check they were keeping up.

"Right" Kelly nodded, confirming that he was following what was being said, Erin took a second longer to respond, just wanting the professor to continue.

"Aminoglycoside antibiotics are simply a residual component of the manufacturing process of the Pediacel vaccine she was given. Ember exhibits a true allergy to those, which is now noted on her medical file. It's highly unlikely that her allergy will ever have any impact on her in her everyday life, you're quite lucky in that regard. And like we discussed we'll just delay vaccinating her, she might grow out of it or we could look into a desensitization process, that's up to you" The professor explained, again giving them a chance to process what he'd said.

"Okay" Erin nodded, urging him to proceed.

"As far as the other common allergens go we didn't find any evidence of sensitization" He stated simply.

"Nothing?" She questioned, surprised and overwhelmingly relieved having prepared herself for the worst.

"Nothing. That doesn't mean she definitely won't develop any further allergies, I could never guarantee that, but it does make it far less likely. Only in the case of multiple allergen sensitization is she at increased risk of developing severe allergies" The professor elaborated, smiling unashamedly as he delivered the good news.

"So it might not ever happen again?" Kelly questioned, unable to hide the absolute relief he felt. He might not have been there to witness it but that didn't mean he hadn't spent the last few months terrified it would happen again.

"That is what these results suggest" He nodded. "However, I think, given everything, for peace of mind it would be a good idea to consider prescribing an epinephrine auto-injector at a 0.15mg dosage. Now that is a higher dosage than recommended considering her size but as a last resort in a life and death situation a high dosage is better than nothing. To be honest you'll probably never use the EpiPen, but chuck it into the bottom of your handbag and know it's there if you ever need it" The professor advised, alternating between speaking to the doctor and his little patient's parents.

"We can do that" Their doctor confirmed with a nod.

"Thank you" Erin was quick to add.

"Yeah, thank you so much" Kelly echoed, reaching across to hold his wife's hand again, thankful for the smile on her face.

"I'm just giving you the results but you're very welcome" The professor returned. "Best wishes for the future. Oh, ah, did you have any questions?" He added at the last second. Kelly shook his head immediately so the man on the computer screen turned his attention to Erin.

"None that I can think of at the moment" She shrugged, too busy thinking of all the unnecessary worrying she had done, it didn't even seem to matter now that she knew Ember would be alright long term.

"Thank you for taking the time Professor" The doctor supplied.

"No problem, goodbye" Professor Dinham nodded as he ended the call, the screen went black and both parents let out a soft sigh.

"There you go, I thought you'd be pleased" Their doctor smiled as he turned the computer screen back to its original position.

"Definitely" Kelly agreed in the silence, waiting as the doctor did something on the computer, the printer whirred seconds later and it became clear what he was doing.

"Here's the prescription we talked about, the EpiPen Junior, it'll expire twelve months after purchase so I'll put a note in her file for this time next year" The doctor concluded.

"Okay" Erin noted, knowing it would be pointless if she didn't make an appointment.

"Now did you have any other concerns?" The doctor questioned as he sat back in his chair, turning away from the computer to look at them.

"No, she's fine… she's absolutely perfect" She beamed, bouncing her happy baby.

"You said she sleeps 'pretty' well" He prompted, wanting to be thorough.

"We've just had a few bad nights in a row… it's nothing" She dismissed. Feeding the baby three times overnight was inconvenient, especially considering she had been waking up earlier but she had put that down to the changes in their routine now that she was taking care of Ruby during the day.

"How is she at self-soothing?" The doctor enquired, seeming to ignore Erin's dismissive response.

"She…uh… she doesn't really" Erin answered honestly. "She wakes up because she's hungry" She justified softly, not seeing why it really mattered. She didn't mind waking up to feed the baby, she was just used to sleeping when the baby slept, even if that meant until eight or nine in the morning.

"Are you sure?" He pressed. "Let me rephrase that, I'm not doubting your ability to know what she needs I just question if she's actually hungry or if she just associates being fed with going to sleep. Which would make sense of the fact that she's quite big for her age…"

"You don't think I should feed her so much?" She asked, trying to understand what he was suggesting.

"Not if she doesn't need it" He nodded. "Producing milk takes a toll on your body Erin and I understand that stress has also been a factor but you're quite thin" He informed, surprising Erin with his blunt approach.

"She eats well though" Kelly defended instinctively, placing his hand on the arm of his wife's chair. The last thing he needed was for the doctor to suggest she was doing anything wrong, not when the biggest stressor had just been eliminated. He distinctly remembered how Erin had struggled when Ember hadn't been putting on weight in the first few weeks. "And it shouldn't matter how big Ember is in comparison to other babies, she's healthy and she's growing" He reasoned.

"Absolutely, she's also almost four months old and that's when we typically start looking to encourage behaviours that will lead to sleeping through the night" The doctor rationalised calmly.

"So you're just suggesting we let her self-soothe?" Erin clarified, glad that the conversation had been directed back toward the baby.

"Yes, see if she'll go back to sleep. If she does she's not hungry. She needs to learn to fall asleep without being fed. Perhaps move feeding her to an earlier point in her bedtime routine, even if it's just a diaper change or a cuddle afterwards" He suggested.

"But… how do I know if she's full? She doesn't stop… she just keeps going until she falls asleep…" She asked, trying to remember what she'd done when Shay was little.

"You should notice a change in the speed she's feeding at, when she slows down enough that you think she's just doing it for comfort stop. She'll let you know if she's still hungry soon enough and if you pay attention over several days you'll be able to work out, on average, how long it takes her to be full" The doctor recommended.

"Alright" Erin agreed, willing to at least tell the doctor she would give it a go while remaining unconvinced.

"Do you think Erin should be eating more?" Kelly put to the doctor seriously.

"Don't" She instructed him, voice soft, eyes hard and pleading. "I eat enough" She told the doctor firmly.

"See what happens when you change how much you're feeding Ember but don't eat any less because of it" The doctor instructed, wondering if Erin's weight had always been a sensitive topic.

"Seriously" Erin muttered under her breath, frowning at her husband before looking back to the doctor. "Okay" She nodded, trying her best for a genuine smile.

"It's your body Erin" The doctor reminded cautiously. "But I we can make an appointment for you or I can refer you to a nutritionist or breastfeeding consultant if you'd like" He offered.

"I'm not the one with the problem… Today is about Ember. I'll look into a pillow to keep her on her back so I'm not restricting her movement at night and we'll work on her sleeping and feeding" She listed diligently.

"Good" The doctor accepted.

"Alright, thanks" She finished, standing up to make it very clear that the appointment was over.

"I won't need to see her again until she's six months old, you can make the appointment now or closer to then through reception" The doctor added as he got up to open the door for them, trusting that they knew their way back to reception. "Have a nice day."

"You too" Erin returned, clearly out of obligation rather than because she meant it. She was done, she just wanted to go home.

"Hmph" Kelly snorted softly in response.

"What?" She demanded in a harsh whisper.

"Nothing" He assured. "Do you want me to take her?"

"No, you can pay" She requested, pointing to the long, high desk of the reception area.

"Okay" He agreed, she stood beside him but didn't join the small talk he made with the young receptionist as she organised everything and guided him through the payment process. They left the clinic a few moments later, Kelly sliding his arm around his wife's waist as they began in the direction of the car.

"Don't say it" She sighed.

"Say what?" Kelly asked, completely confused as to what she was referring to.

"You were right. She is fine" She explained after giving him a look that suggested she didn't believe that he didn't know what she was talking about.

"I wouldn't have said that" He denied flat out, not sure why she would ever think he would. "Erin I was just as worried as you and now I'm just as relieved" He tried to justify, pausing when he realised they were going the wrong way. "Babe the car's this way."

"I thought we'd stop by the pharmacy and fill the prescription first" She explained, continuing in the direction she had led them.

"Yeah, okay" He accepted.

"I like the idea of having it just in case" She added, knowing she would feel much more relaxed with access to the drug that could save her baby's life and stop her ever having to resuscitate her again.

"Mmm, I liked that professor" Kelly nodded, the first time they'd met he hadn't been so sure but without Shay and a blood test to worry about he had easily reached the conclusion that the professor wanted a good outcome for them.

"His kid died of a peanut allergy" She explained, taking Kelly by surprise he inhaled sharply at the revelation. "Will told me" She shared, misreading his reaction.

"Will Halstead?" he questioned, not that he could think of anyone else she knew with that name.

"Yeah" She confirmed, handing him Ember as they entered the pharmacy, she went to hand in the prescription then they wandered the aisles browsing in silence as they waited. By the time their last name was called they had collected a number of other items to purchase, body wash, toothpaste, moisturiser, a different flow teat for the type of bottles Ember used that was supposed to make the transition from breast to bottle easier and some batteries for one of Shay's toys. The pharmacist gave a demonstration on how to use the EpiPen and double checked they had already been advised of the high dosage for an infant, she acknowledged that there was no more suitable product on the market then had a sales assistant complete the transaction. With the EpiPen in the bag in her hand Erin felt the last of her concern for Ember evaporate, a weight lifted from her chest.

"Let's stop here for a few minutes" Kelly suggested as they passed a small coffee shop on the way back to the car. Erin tried to argue but he pulled her in by the hand and started placing an order before she could convince him they needed to get home. They chose a small corner table near the window and Kelly played with Ember as they waited. Erin appeared deep in thought so he assumed she hadn't forgiven him for dragging her into the shop.

"Since she's okay she could do the ads… if you think it's a good idea" She shared after the first sip of her soy chai latte, giving him some insight into what had been on her mind.

"I honestly don't mind either way, I think she's beautiful and I'm sure anyone who saw her would but I understand why you don't want her to do it and that's fine too. It's your call" He assured, taking her hand and rubbing his thumb across her knuckles. She was hard to read at the best of times but in the last few weeks it had become impossible, one minute she was crying the next she was demanding sex and the next she seemed somewhere else entirely. He just hoped that the reduction of stress would help her get back to her normal happy self. If the ad was going to cause her stress he didn't want anything to do with it, making it very clear that she could decide either way.

"I might give the Commander a call and get some more information…" She delayed, squeezing his hand as she put the idea aside for the time being, wanting to enjoy the moment. "We should talk, before we have to go back to the madhouse" She suggested, laughing briefly at her own joke.

"I wonder how Chase is going with Shay and Rube at playgroup" Kelly posed, wondering if the young man would be able to put aside his inner child for long enough to get the girls to do anything.

"At the very least I expect they'll sleep well this afternoon" Erin commented, covering a yawn of her own.

"That would be nice" He agreed, after a busy shift he could have done with a sleep in but instead he'd prioritised his wife.

"Thank you, for everything Kelly. I'm serious, I don't say it enough but I honestly don't know what I'd do without you. I love you so much and you're an incredible father… And I'm really looking forward to tomorrow night" She finished, trying to end on a slightly less serious note even though she meant every word she had said, resolving to do everything she could to make his life a little easier from that point onward.

**Are you're happy with the outcome of Ember's tests? I hope you know by now that I would never do anything too bad to her. Kelly and Chase however… that's a different story ;) **

**P.S – I didn't name their doctor because I think I already did in an earlier chapter but I can't remember and I don't have time to go back and find it at the moment… I do try to write these things down but sometimes I forget! Oops :/  
**


	181. Chapter 181

**So it's been forever. I'm incredibly sorry. It started out as a family situation but then I felt really bad for not updating so I wanted to make up for it. That meant I had impossibly high expectations and really struggled to write anything at all… Anyway it's done now, not my greatest work by any means but everything it needs to be. I wanted to try something a little different with shifting perspectives and I think that worked quite well. Please enjoy :D**

Erin woke gently, a smile spreading across her face as she inhaled the warm familiar scent, his scent. Turning her head to the side she opened her eyes to check the clock, well before her alarm was due to go off, a single giggle escaped before she bit her bottom lip, letting her face press back into the pillow, his pillow. With her eyes firmly closed flashes of the dream she had been having returned, combining with memories until she felt particularly flustered. It was a conscious effort to redirect her thoughts, especially when she kept remembering the hints he had made about his plans for their night together. That alone seemed like a dream coming true but when coupled with the knowledge she wouldn't have to worry about Ember she struggled to contain her elation.

She awoke again sometime later, not entirely sure how she had fallen asleep or why she had to be dragged back to reality just when things were about to get interesting. She didn't think more than a few minutes had passed but a second check of the clock revealed that only half an hour remained until she would have to get up. A sudden surge of motivation had her throwing back the covers, turning off her alarm before padding across the room, pausing for a moment to admire her precious, content and healthy baby then continuing through to the bathroom. Leaving her pyjamas where they fell she stepped into the shower, steam billowing around her as she adjusted the temperature and took a moment to wake up completely.

Despite having mastered the art of showering in no time at all Erin was taking full advantage of the time she did have, both because she could and because she wanted to look good for her husband. She hummed softly to herself as she ran the razor up her leg, amused when she realised the tune was that of a nursery rhyme about shearing a sheep. The fluffy white shaving foam reminded her of the sheep in Shay's new favourite phone game, probably the reason her mind had made the subconscious association in the first place. Barely able to hear herself over the shower there was no audible warning that someone else was in the bathroom. She jumped, dropping the razor, when the fogged over glass door was yanked open abruptly. Shay, naked and half asleep, looked up at her mother for a moment before raising her arms. Erin smiled as she complied with the request, lifting the toddler and cuddling her to her chest as she closed the door, spying the toddler's pyjamas with her own on the floor. She adjusted the water temperature then stood so that the water cascaded down Shay's back, rocking gently from side to side out of habit. The toddler let out a soft sigh and Erin realised she would have to act immediately if she wanted to prevent her daughter falling asleep. "Good morning" She whispered gently, pressing a kiss to the toddler's forehead as she lifted Shay's heavy head from one shoulder to the other.

"Mama" Shay murmured, eyes closed tightly as she wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and pulled herself in close.

"I know baby, it's wake up time though. You can't sleep in the shower" She reasoned in a soft voice, kissing Shay's cheek and rubbing her back to try to energise her.

"Miss you but" Shay countered before a yawn took over, little tongue curling in a way that Erin couldn't help but find adorable. Shay might be the bigger of her two babies but she was still so small. Nuzzling her face into her mother's neck Shay inhaled deeply and just like that was asleep. Erin didn't really know what to make of the comment, the best theory she could come up with was that Shay had woken from a dream where they had been separated, otherwise it didn't make much sense.

"I love you baby" She breathed softly, wet fingers running through Shay's hair. It felt so right, natural and tranquil, to hold Shay close while swaying under the warm water. At the same time she wasn't sure what to do with the soaking and sleeping toddler in her arms, she certainly wouldn't be able to finish showering without risking splashing Shay in the face. With an idea in mind she hesitated, making the most of the opportunity to cuddle her rapidly growing little girl, rinsing off as best she could before turning off the water. Stepping out of the shower she quickly draped a towel over Shay, wrapping it around her small body before even considering taking one for herself. Still dripping she carried Shay into their bedroom, tucking her into the bed wrapped in the towel then kissing the deeply asleep toddler's forehead.

Returning to the shower her thoughts had shifted from the night ahead to the day that came before. She still had to get both of her girls up, dressed and fed before Ruby arrived. It was a Friday so they had to go to the library but she wondered if there was another fun activity they could do in the city. With that possibility in mind she settled on the bed next to Shay once dressed and pulled out her phone, noting that it was only a few minutes after her usual alarm. After sending a quick text message to her husband, '_Good morning, hope you slept well. 13 hours ;) Have a great day, stay safe xox'_, she got on with her research. It didn't take long to amass a list of activities to work through with the girls over the coming weeks, deciding on a trip to the art gallery since it was only three blocks from the library and had free children's activities, fruit snacks and face painting.

* * *

"Nada!" The little girl screamed suddenly, letting go of the pram she had been holding and disappearing amongst the legs of the other pedestrians on the sidewalk before her mother could even begin to react.

"Did you hear that?" Nadia asked her partner, grabbing his arm and forcing him to halt as she turned and surveyed the sidewalk. She knew exactly what she was looking for, but the longer she looked the more time her brain had to rationalise. What were the chances? It was entirely possible she was just tired and hearing things.

"Nope, didn't hear anything" Watson dismissed, shaking his head as he started to walk away.

"Nada" Shay called again, waving her hand rapidly as she darted between two people, her aunt coming into view just a little further up the sidewalk.

"Shay?" Nadia responded, taking a few steps toward the toddler, face paint covered Shay's face but otherwise she was easily recognisable in a green dress she often chose to wear and her brightly coloured sparkly fairy wings. The red balloon tied to the toddler's wrist bobbed as she ran at top speed the wind dragging at it, piggy tails and ribbons bouncing as well. The moment she was within arm's reach Nadia scooped her up, being careful of the fairy wings as she accepted a very exuberant hug.

"Nada!" Shay squealed, clapping her hands to her aunt's cheeks as she sat back, grinning broadly then giggling at the wonderful coincidence.

"Hello princess" Nadia greeted, bouncing the toddler to get a better hold then feeling her joy evaporate as she looked around. Shay was never unaccompanied. "Shay, where's your Mama?"

"There" Shay replied dismissively, beginning to point in the general direction she had come before even turning to look. When she did turn she certainly couldn't see her mother amongst the busy lunchtime crowd of people, moving like a fluid, along the inner city sidewalk. "Mama?" Shay questioned, eyes searching, voice small and desperate as the reality of the situation sunk in.

"We'll find her" Nadia comforted, setting the toddler down and taking a firm hold of her hand before taking a long look at the crowd. "Brody, can you see Erin?" She enquired, leading the toddler back over to where her partner stood, looking impatient.

"Erin Severide?" He clarified, perplexed. Nadia nodded and he looked around, using his height to his advantage. "That might be her over there… she's probably close" He shrugged, making the connection with the little girl, as a typical guy he hadn't paid much attention to Shay at the barbeque and even if he had the multi-coloured butterfly painted on her face made her unrecognisable.

"Yeah" Nadia concluded a little tersely, it wasn't particularly helpful of him.

"Shay!" Came a shout in the distance, almost lost as the wind swept it away.

"Erin" Nadia called back automatically, spotting the older woman after a moment. Erin looked flustered but relief crossed her face as she saw the young police officer. "I've got her, she's right here" Nadia assured, keeping hold of Shay's hand even as the toddler tugged and pulled to get free.

"Mama" Shay celebrated, wrapping her arms around her mother's leg once they were close enough that Nadia released her hand.

"Shay you can't run off like that baby" Erin tried to explain, stroking her daughter's hair affectionately as she let relief flood her briefly panicked system.

"But Nada!" Shay reasoned cheerfully, keeping one arm hooked around the leg as she pointed enthusiastically at the uniformed officer.

"I know, but you can't run off. I lost you and that made me scared" Erin justified seriously, crouching down before the toddler to hold eye contact. It had turned out well on this occasion but that wouldn't always be the case. Shay wasn't in trouble but it was a teachable moment Erin felt she had to use.

"Sorry Mama" Shay replied sincerely. "But Nada!" She added in her own defence when her mother's serious face didn't disappear as quickly as she expected. Erin couldn't help but think of alternative outcomes, some far worse than others.

"Mhmm" Erin nodded as she straightened, patting Ember to keep her quiet as she changed positions. "Hi" She greeted, looking to Nadia at last, "sorry, and thank you."

"Hey" Nadia smiled back, ignoring the thanks.

"It's good to see you" Erin said, putting the brake on the pram before leaning forward to check that Ruby was alright, the toddler didn't seem at all bothered.

"Yeah, you too. Makes our day a little more interesting…" She shrugged, all they had done so far was patrol aimlessly and give a juvenile pickpocket a warning.

"Slow so far?" Erin enquired, she always loved slow Friday's. "Good way to end the week."

"I don't know about that… we're on foot patrol" Watson chimed in, clearly unhappy about it.

"What'd you do to Platt? Spit in her coffee?" Erin prompted with a knowing look and a chuckle that made them both scowl.

"No, we didn't get her a burger at Amigos…" He divulged.

"Oooh" Erin hissed, shaking her head, going to the desk sergeant's favourite burger joint and not buying her a burger was a seriously bad move.

"She only found out because somebody" He gave his partner a pointed look then continued his explanation "left their wrapper in the patrol…"

"I said I was sorry" Nadia muttered, not sure why she felt so embarrassed that Erin knew.

"We had to take the train just to get here" Watson grumbled, making the most of his partners discomfort.

"Train!" Shay repeated, pointing back the way they had come where the train line was visible. Nadia smiled encouragingly and picked the toddler up, partially hiding herself behind the little girl to avoid making eye contact with her mentor.

"You're partners, you both made the mistake and you're both going to have to make it up to Platt" Erin informed, always independent it was a lesson she had had to learn the hard way, surprising herself now with how old she felt coaching them. She watched as they processed what she had said, giving each other a long hard look before turning back to the older woman and nodding. She had a point.

"Any chance we could borrow your car?" Nadia asked hopefully, it was a long shot but with a car they could get Platt the burger she so desperately desired and hopefully the keys to a patrol car at the same time.

"Not likely" Erin laughed, there was no way she was ever taking the train with a child again, especially not three under three.

"What are you doing in the city anyway?" She questioned, trying to pretend she hadn't meant the question seriously.

"Shay, you want to tell Nadia what we've been doing?" Erin asked, wanting to reward the toddler for her patience during their boring grown-up conversation.

"Arp!" Shay announced loudly.

"Hm?" Nadia sought when she realised that was Shay's answer.

"Arp!" Shay repeated as if she hadn't been heard, only continuing when her mother gestured to do so. "Arp, Arp… Grarelly…" She struggled, looking to her mother for assistance.

"Art Gallery" Erin provided.

"Oh" Nadia nodded. "Art, 'cause 'arp' is the sound a seal makes" She explained gently to the toddler tugging on her cap.

"Arp, arp in the baff" Shay giggled, remembering that Nadia had seen her pretending to be a seal at bath time.

"Yep. I was wondering where the beautiful butterfly on your face came from" She commented, touching the edge of the dry, cracked, thick blue face paint.

"It no reeeeel" Shay informed seriously, trying to frown even though she wanted to laugh at how silly adults could be.

"Isn't it? It looks real… are you sure?" Nadia checked, pulling exaggerated faces to make the toddler laugh.

"No! It just paints" Shay cackled, having no reason to think her aunt was being anything less than serious.

"Just paint?" Nadia questioned, face falling somewhat. "It's beautiful paint princess. It matches your wings and everything" She assured, giving Shay's hair a light tug to make her laugh again.

"Arp, Ar-t Grarelly the bestest" Shay concluded then, looking at her mother as a way of thanking her for the extra adventure.

"They're running kid's activities today and over the weekend as part of a new exhibition. Face painting is free as long as you let them take a photo, they're making one of those massive composite pictures…" Erin explained to Nadia, having thoroughly enjoyed watching the interaction.

"We could go… we're due for lunch anyway" Watson joked, though Erin could see he wouldn't mind if Nadia agreed.

"So are we" Erin nodded, knowing the patch of saliva on her shirt was growing as Ember drooled and sucked in the baby carrier.

"Munchie-lunchy!" Shay sang as she squirmed her way out of Nadia's arms, placing her hand on the side of the pram and beginning to pull to hurry her mother along.

"We'll let you get back to patrolling the city streets… on foot" Erin teased good naturedly, drawing a scoff and a chuckle from both officers.

"Yeeeahhhh" Shay agreed in an impatient whine.

"Good to see you" Nadia summarised, wondering how long the brake would hold out again Shay.

"You too, stay safe" Erin finished, it was such a habituated thing to say.

"See you" Watson added just a little out of time, Erin had already disengaged the brake and started away from where they stood. It was only a few blocks to the car and from there she planned to get the girls home for lunch and a nap.

"Sorry about that" Nadia apologised needlessly as she resumed walking in the opposite direction to the mother and children, trying to remember what their plan had been.

"They're a nice family" Watson dismissed as he caught up with her, checking his watch. "What do you want to do for lunch? Probably the only upside of this whole thing, lots of choices" He continued, eyes lingering on the Chinese restaurant they were passing.

"You can choose" Nadia volunteered. Watson had been on the job longer, with two and a half years of experience, but Nadia was aggressively determined and had immediately dominated the partnership, leaving him very few chances to make decisions. He trusted her fresh knowledge, she appreciated his willingness to listen, as partners they worked.

"Oh, you don't like Chinese though do you?" Watson asked, just because he had the choice didn't mean he was going to force her to eat something she didn't like.

"I hate those cheap noodle places and I wouldn't eat sushi if you paid me, Chinese is fine" She shared as she led the way into the fragrant establishment, admiring the cleanliness and clear popularity. She radioed in their location and status while looking over the menu board, noting that even though there were plenty of people eating the line was only a few customers long.

"My shout" He volunteered, taking place in the line.

"Nah, it's my turn" Nadia reasoned with a shake of the head. "Plus it's my fault we're on foot."

"Not really, you tossed the burger wrapper at me because I didn't put my seat belt on…" He explained cautiously, as much as he didn't want her to feel guilty he also didn't want to take all the blame. "And I'm not actually complaining, you drive like a maniac."

"Haha" She returned dryly, stepping up to the counter since it was their turn to order. "I'll just have the regular special fried rice deal, what are you having?" She urged, looking to her partner while the woman behind the counter gave an impatient look.

"Uh, same thanks" Watson provided quickly.

"He'll want the large" Nadia requested, "and a strawberry milk thanks." The transaction complete they found their way to a table, Nadia stopping to get a straw which she stabbed into the pink carton of milk as she sat down.

"You know me too well" He commented before taking a sip, making sure she saw his appreciative look.

"Just as long as you don't puke that if we have to run" She teased, knowing she couldn't possibly drink that quantity of sickly sweet dairy before exercise.

"Iron stomach" He assured. "Did I tell you about the time I got stuck on a roller coaster?" It was a question but he didn't wait for an answer, continuing his story without pause. "Two hours hanging upside down after chugging a milkshake and two hot dogs. I have never had to pee so bad, you'd think gravity'd be on your side when you're upside down. Wrong " He chuckled, it likely hadn't been funny at the time.

"Didn't you ever wet your pants as a kid?" She questioned, picking on his word choices.

"Nope, well…one time on Halloween when I was four but that was 'cause my big brother Ethan jumped out at me dressed as Pikachu" He shared, eyes wide with regret the moment he realised what he was saying.

"Pikachu?" She managed straight-faced, amusement apparent in her eyes.

"The Pokemon" He clarified, hoping her question was because she had no idea what he was talking about.

"No I know that" She dismissed. "But how is a little yellow fluffy thing scary?" She asked, laughing as she waited for a response.

"Long story… Pikachu's my kryptonite" He whispered, he looked surprisingly serious.

"Good to know" Nadia noted, about to say more when her name was called.

"I'll get that" He said as he got to his feet, heading over to the counter to collect their lunch.

"Thanks" She said automatically as he slid her food across the table to her and handed her some plastic cutlery. They both took a moment to look at their food and begin to eat before he looked up and spoke.

"So…"

"So?" She repeated, not sure what he was trying to say.

"You want kids?" He posed as carelessly as if he were asking about the weather.

"What?!" She demanded, trying to keep her volume down as she reacted to the completely unexpected question.

"Children, you want 'em?" He rephrased a little more seriously.

"I don't know" She shrugged, struggling to keep her expression in check.

"You can't not know, you do or you don't..." He simplified, unwilling to let her get away with an avoidant response.

"I don't know" She repeated with the beginning of a frown. "Why?"

"Just curious" He calmed, not sure why she found it so hard to answer a yes or no question. She was probably overthinking it.

"I play with my… niece and you think that means I want kids?" Nadia asked, trying to link his enquiry to reality.

"Not necessarily, that's why I was asking" He urged, determined to get an answer even if he wasn't sure why he cared for that piece of information.

"I don't know… I used to think never ever but seeing Erin with her girls, they're such beautiful kids, so maybe someday. I don't know" She reiterated, he had to understand that she was younger than him, that she hadn't had the type of upbringing that facilitated dreaming about the future.

"They are adorable, but look at all the trouble they've had with Emmy's health and stuff" He reminded, glad the infant had seemed happy and well from what he'd seen of her.

"You're trying to talk me out of it?" She frowned, confused.

"No, I'm just suggesting that it's not easy" He rationalised.

"So you don't want kids then?" She put to him, hopeful her answers had been sufficient that their conversation would remain focused on him.

"No, I do. If I meet the right person" He explained sensibly.

"Yeah?" She prompted.

"Someone who I know would do the right thing, put the kids first no matter what…" He trailed off, feeling uncomfortable he turned the attention back to her again. "You've got Chase?"

"We've only been dating a few months" She brushed off, narrowing her eyes to convey that he should appreciate how difficult it was to answer such questions and therefore should refrain from asking them.

"Would you consider it though? Having kids with him?" He couldn't help himself.

"I don't know" She answered for what felt like the millionth time, tone indicative of her frustration. That one was an easy question though and her answer a lie, if she were to have a child she couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else.

"I'm just making conversation" He defended with a hint of apology.

"I get that it's just… personal" She reasoned, averting her eyes to her food. He did the same and they ate in silence for a few minutes. Despite having the larger quantity of food he finished first, bending and breaking his plastic fork before becoming bored enough to attempt conversation.

"You got any plans for the weekend?"

"We're doing this double date thing tonight, with Katie and Otis" She answered since it had been on her mind, they were having dinner and seeing a movie.

"Oh, I didn't know they were dating" He commented, though Nadia had no idea how he could have missed it given how all over each other they'd been at the barbeque.

"I don't know if they know that's what they're doing. Last time they did everything… everything kinda fell to shit" She summarised, it was the most she was willing to say on the topic.

"Hm" He acknowledged.

"What about you?"

"Molly's tonight, got tickets to the game tomorrow then driving my parents to the airport on Sunday morning" Watson listed as he put down the pieces of broken fork.

"Where're they going?" She enquired more to keep him talking than because she was interested in his parent's vacation.

"Paris, some European bus tour thing" He shared, clearly he wasn't very interested in it either.

"Does that mean you get the house to yourself?" She teased, knowing full well that he had his own apartment, it just happened to be less than a block from his parent's house.

"So funny" He grumbled, rolling his eyes at her.

"Chase still lives with his…family" She shared defending her joke by suggesting that living with or being close to family wasn't something to be ashamed of.

"Erin and her husband? How does that work anyway?" Watson deflected yet again.

"I don't know" She returned, unintentionally using her go to response and making him sigh deeply.

"Sure" He accepted sarcastically.

"Why do you care?" She asked instead of correcting her position.

"I just think it's strange that your boyfriend lives with a completely unrelated couple and pretends he's their kid or something…" Watson stated matter-of-factly.

"It's more complicated than you think, he didn't have parents growing up. Erin took him in and he's part of their family" She explained generally.

"So Shay and Emmy are your nieces but his little sisters?" He asked, pulling a face that indicated he thought it was a bizarre arrangement.

"Not biologically but as far as the roles we play in their lives yeah" Nadia contended seriously, she too treated Erin like a maternal figure at times, Chase had the added benefit of knowing and working with Kelly as well. They were the closest thing he had ever had to a normal two parent family. Watson let silence take over for a few minutes as he thought on the response she had given, he certainly couldn't argue with her.

"You think Erin'd ever let me look after them?" He asked unexpectedly.

"Shay and Emmy?" Nadia clarified, forehead wrinkling with confusion.

"Yeah" He nodded in confirmation.

"Why would you want to?" She questioned, the best interests of the girls came before any consideration of what Erin would have to say on the matter.

"Could be fun" He shrugged, she gave him a serious look and he revised his answer. "Women love that kind of thing…"

"Only if you're any good at it" She countered. "And it's harder than you think" She assured, he seemed like a nice enough person but he hadn't shown any interest in the little ones on the weekend.

"Yeah?" He urged, not entirely sure what she was getting at.

"Emmy's four months old, she's tiny and needs constant attention. Shay's two and half, moves faster than the speed of light and wants constant attention… You can't win" She justified, it was a fact of life she had come to accept.

"Erin does" Watson refuted.

"Erin's got freakin' mum superpowers, I don't know how she does it" Nadia shrugged, in awe of the ease with which Erin seemed to manage the sleep deprivation and constant demands she faced as a mother.

"And who was the kid in the stroller? I thought they only had the two girls" He added to his list of enquiries, with bright red hair she hardly seemed genetically related to Shay and Ember, who resembled each other quite closely.

"That's Ruby Powell, Powell from Intelligence's daughter" She explained, her look telling him that it was something he was supposed to have known.

"And Erin looks after her too" He stated purposelessly.

"Apparently, must be a new thing" She shrugged, returning to eating as her partner turned to look out the window. The wind had picked up, clothes either fluttering uncontrollably or clinging to the bodies of the people walking past.

"It must be weird…" Watson started, stopping himself as he thought better of what he had been about to say.

"What?" Nadia demanded, curious to know what it was he wouldn't say considering their frankly invasive conversation so far.

"Having a big messy family like that" He summarised cautiously.

"Your family's messy… I think all families are" She dismissed, it wasn't the sort of thing that would offend her, not particularly sensitive to the issue of family now that she considered herself part of one.

"Probably to some degree but you've got to admit yours is above average on the messy scale. You live with Erin's husband's sister, you date their son and you're their daughters' aunt… that's messing-with-my-head messy" He concluded after struggling to list the various relationships she was part of.

"Does it matter though? It's about love not blood" She concluded seriously with a small smile.

"Yeah I guess" He accepted, piling everything back on the tray since she had finished eating, about to take it over to the nearest bin when the radio on his shoulder crackled to life.

"All available units Art Gallery, 1248 Belmont Plaza, crowd control."

"Timing!" He beamed before quickly getting rid of the rubbish and tray.

"Copy that control, we're… six minutes out" Nadia responded as they moved together towards the glass sliding door.

"Art Gallery? Wonder what's going on…" He commented softly, words completely lost in the gust of wind that hit them the moment the door opened. They were both taken by surprise but managed to adjust their posture to combat the wind. "Welcome to the windy city!" Watson yelled as he followed his partners lead, starting at a jog in the direction of the art gallery. Even with the wind against them they made it in well less than the approximation Nadia had provided over the radio, taking that extra time to survey the scene before them.

The Art Gallery was a distinctive building, designed to catch the eye with its glass façade and obscure patterned panels hanging vertically. The large metal panels served no obvious purpose but for casting unusual shadows, and in this case life threatening projectiles. The wind seemed to catch them in a way it never had before, breaking the brackets that held them in place and sending them earthbound unpredictably. Two had already fallen, one looked like it could go at any second and another two were starting to bend back towards the building under the force of the wind.

"Get 'em all back!" Chief Boden commanded the moment he climbed out of his vehicle, looking Nadia directly in the eye and gesturing at the crowd of onlookers. She was glad for the direction, frozen in place at the sudden realisation that there was a person beneath one of the fallen panels. She caught a brief glimpse of her boyfriend before turning away and beginning to usher people back, stunned by their willingness to put themselves in harm's way just for a closer look at the horrific scene.

"We can secure those" Severide called over the wind, pointing upward while looking to the chief and gathering equipment in his hands. His men were doing the same, grabbing anything they thought might come in handy since it wasn't exactly the sort of situation they trained for.

"Quick as you can" The man in command nodded, turning to the team emerging from the second big red truck before shouting "Casey, can we risk it?" It was a matter of determination and judgement, the person could be crushed to death if they didn't act but they would be in danger if they did. Squad Three didn't have time to stand around and see what decision the Truck crew made, racing across the sidewalk, up the stairs – the danger zone – and into the building. The main entrance opened out into a cavernous space, their boots echoing in the strangely empty space. Just minutes ago hundreds of people had occupied the space, fleeing the moment parts of the building had started crashing down.

"What's the plan Sev?" Chase questioned as they reached the main elevator, it would take them forever on the stairs with all the equipment they carried and the wait for the elevator was nothing in comparison.

"Secure the panels" Kelly shrugged, mind racing as he tried to account for all the variables of the situation they were facing.

"How though?" Capp asked just as the elevator dinged to indicate its arrival. The last thing the men expected was for two dozen people to emerge, practically at once, barely avoiding them in their rush to get out of the building.

"Oi! Be careful" Severide demanded impatiently as a person bumped into him. "Anyone work here?" He questioned next, though it took a moment for someone to slow from the mob destined for the door.

"I do" An elderly gentleman volunteered, breaking free of the crowd and turning back to the firemen. Severide could almost feel each passing second they were wasting.

"Is there an intercom system? Can you let everyone know that it's safest if they stay inside?" He asked, not holding high hopes based on the man's appearance.

"Yes" The man confirmed, an urgent nod from Severide had him on his way, the rest of the people had heard the instruction and had apparently lost interest in leaving the building.

"Going up" Chase contributed in his best robot voice as he mashed the button with his fingers and set the elevator in motion.

"I'll rappel down and hook up the panel…" Kelly offered as an answer to the long forgotten question, it was the only way but it wasn't necessarily safe. He'd be fighting the wind the whole way down but he couldn't think of another way to secure the panels.

"It's more than just the one panel though…" Chase began, pausing to test his superior's reaction.

"You want to swing in the wind go for it" Kelly shrugged, he had to admire the younger man's enthusiasm. It wasn't that he didn't look forward to the challenge, he was just concerned that they would have been better off hauling the panel off the person and getting clear before a third could detach. It was entirely possible they had missed it whilst in the elevator.

"We'll both rappel down then" Chase concluded, feeling oddly important to have made such a call. The elevator reached the top floor and they exited, moving as one to round the elevator shaft and locate the stairs that led to the roof. Tony and a halligan made light work of the lock and moments later they were bent in half by the wind, Capp and Tony setting up the portable winch while Kelly and Chase tied ropes with nimble fingers. They left pulling on their harnesses to the last possible moment, since they were incredibly uncomfortable, making sure to check each other with a rough shake before screwing their various carabiners up tight and making their way to edge of the roof.

"You ready for this?" Kelly yelled over the roar of the wind, waving his hands to get Chase's attention.

"I hope so!" The young man returned as the slack was taken up, readying them for the most difficult part of any descent, the first step. The men mirrored each other just as their training did, tugging the rope one last time before twisting awkwardly and crouching over the edge, one foot behind the other they took a couple of steps. Spacing themselves a little way apart they kept pace with frequent looks but didn't bother to speak. The first test came when they reached the gleaming glass that covered the building from that point downward, boots good for gripping on just about any other surface. Unable to steady themselves with their feet the wind forced them across the building until they were no longer lined up with the loose panels.

"Use this" Kelly said to match his gestures, maximising the chance of being understood in the case Chase could read his lips. He had descended just a foot more than Chase, finding the join between window panes provided enough grip to inch his way back into place.

"Got it!" Chase acknowledged with a one handed thumbs up as he dropped down to the same level, following. They took a few steps more than they needed, hoping to counter the effects of the wind until they reached the next join.

"Shit" Kelly couldn't help but curse when he went to continue down and found that his ropes had tangled, it was a beginners mistake exacerbated by the wind.

"You good?" Chase got close enough to ask at a moderate volume.

"Yeah, keep going, another gust and it's going to go" Kelly replied, working to undo the knot with his free hand while looking down between his legs to the panel that was their target. It was swinging precariously producing the occasional squeak of metal fatigue, an ominous noise given Kelly could see even further below that the crew of Truck 81 were trying to lift the panel off the person.

Chase had done as he was told and the gap between the pair only seemed to increase in size as time passed. The wind was getting stronger but he was determined to get to the panel before it dislodged, unscrewing the carabiner of one of his spare lines in preparation. He finally dropped to a height, temporarily tying off his line so he could use both hands. It took a moment to thread the line through the laser cut leaf pattern on the rusted metal panel, hooking the carabiner back around the rope to form a relatively secure hold. Chase looked up to see that Kelly had freed himself and was trying to make up for lost time, using the lulls in the wind to his advantage. Plotting a route to the next loosest panel Chase wasn't paying much attention to the metal bracket right beside his hand. It all happened so fast that he had no chance to react. The scream of metal giving way reached his ears fractions of a second before the rope he had attached gave way. The panel began to fall but Chase still had hold of it, he refused to let go even as the weight of it yanked him sideways, pulling his line taught first then tearing his shoulder from its socket. Feeling as if he was moving in slow motion he managed to get hold of the edge of the panel with his other hand, lessening the weight on his now damaged shoulder, it was only a temporary solution.

Kelly had heard the involuntary cry of pain that had escaped the younger man, watching in horror as Chase was almost pulled in two. In response had lowered his feet from the glass and plunged as rapidly as he could to Chase's aid, first grabbing the panel to take its weight then coordinating tying another rope and checking that his man was alright.

"Just dislocated I think" Chase answered, pain written across his face as stoic as he tried to appear, his arm hanging uselessly at his side.

"Okay, we'll get you back up" Kelly acknowledged, keeping hold of the panel as he tried to work out their next move.

"One line isn't enough" Chase warned gesturing towards the rope Kelly had attached to the panel, it was identical to the one he had used unsuccessfully.

"I know, give me your secondary" He requested, between them they'd had a line attached to their harnesses for each of the three panels. Chase had taken two, intended for the lower panels, while Kelly had one for the one he now held, that plan long since discarded.

"What about the other panels?" Chase questioned, fighting dizziness and nausea just to look the other man in the eye.

"Don't worry about them" Kelly assured as he attached the second rope to the panel, it still wouldn't stand up against much wind in but that appeared to have died down for the moment anyway. Without the wind howling their radios came in handy, Kelly ordering Capp and Tony pull Chase up. He watched for a moment then turned his attention to communicating with the chief down below. The ropes wouldn't hold and winching the panel up didn't seem a viable option, their best chance a controlled release.

"Two minutes and we'll all be clear" Boden informed, essentially asking Kelly to hold on and hope, which he did. He watched as Chase was hauled up onto the roof then he watched as the last of the people below scurried out of the way. Then he watched as one of the ropes snapped, causing the panel to swing around and force the air from his lungs as it momentarily pinned him to the glass. He managed to regain control after moment, struggling to get the knife out of his pocket as he held on to the panel with one hand. "Cut it free" The chief ordered, Kelly didn't have a hand spare to tell him that that was exactly what he was trying to do. Triumph filled him for a second as he finally got the knife free, dissipating instantaneously when it slipped from his hand as if it were covered in oil. He could wait for the rope to snap or he could radio up and get Tony and Capp to cut the line, except following the ropes up he realised they were all tangled and that it would be just as easy to cut loose the panel as it would be to cut his line. Better to wait he concluded, sighing deeply as he looked around. It was a beautiful city, known far and wide for one thing. The wind.

Returning with such strength that Kelly didn't stand a chance. The panel swung at him again, he was prepared for the first blow but not the continuous pressure that would follow, unrelenting wind holding him to the glass for a full minute before easing. Just enough that he could start to pull himself up, something that in hindsight he realised he could have done earlier. He hadn't made much progress when the leg of his pants caught on a bent piece of metal, part of the leaf pattern. It wasn't a major dilemma, he simply had to relax, wriggle down, unhook and start again. He had barely begun when yet again the wind returned, this time dragging the panel out from the building, pulling at the leg he hadn't yet unhooked. Kelly was so worried about his leg being caught that he didn't even consider what would happen when the wind ceased. It wasn't the first time he'd taken a dive through a glass window, but it was the first time he'd been hanging seven stories up at the time. He was glad the glass had given way, it didn't hurt at first. It certainly would have hurt to have been crushed. It started as a burning sensation, then came the familiar feeling of moisture spreading, blood. Dismissing it at as a cut from a shard of glass he gave a wave to the startled people in the office then started to using the sharp edge of the leaf cut out to slice through the rope. He wasn't processing the voices over the radio, no matter how urgent they sounded, in fact nothing external crossed his mind until the panel finally fell, crashing to the pavement below. A sigh of relief, except it caught in his chest in a way he hadn't ever experienced before, a painful way.

"Severide, what the fuck was that?!" Casey demanded as he grabbed the squad Lieutenant by the waist band of his harness, dragging him into the building. "Fuck. Holy shit!" His reaction as he caught a glimpse of his friend's back.

"Woah" Cruz offered as he stepped in to cut the rope and free the Lieutenant.

"Oh God" Herrmann was the next to comment, moving to help Casey support their pale colleague.

"Relax, it's just a scratch" Kelly dismissed, trying not to think about it because when he did the pain became almost unbearable. He could feel that it wasn't bleeding too badly, the steady ooze he would expect from a cut to that part of his body.

"Gabby, get Gabby and Mills up here now" Casey ordered unable to tear his eyes away from the shard of glass protruding from Kelly's back, just below his right shoulder blade. It was an impossibly long wait for the paramedics to arrive, getting Kelly to remain still without telling him growing more and more difficult by the second.

"Thank God, Gabby tell them I'm fine" Kelly requested when she finally appeared, looking concerned before she had even had a chance to assess his injury.

"Kelly" She shook her head, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder as she leaned around to look at the damage. She had no way of knowing how deep the glass had gone but she knew that the safest option was to leave it in. "Kelly, just stay calm, breathing normally okay? How's the pain?"

"I'm fine…" He argued, though the longer he looked into her eyes the less he believed it. "I'm fine" He tried again, coughing as the pain in his back, or was it his chest, flared.

"Get him to the ambo, try not to move it too much" She requested, worried by the sounds he was producing.

"Come on, it's just a cut" He tried to reason, swaying as he fought with everything he had to remain conscious. The dozens of eyes on him with varying levels of worry, told him differently but he needed to be sure. Twisting to look over his own shoulder he caught sight of the glass embedded within his body, it explained the terrible pain he groaned his way through in reaction to the movement.

"Kelly you have to stay still" Gabby pleaded, seizing his hand and squeezing until he looked at her.

"You have to get it out!" He urged breathlessly, pain a million times worse now that he knew what was causing it.

"Not yet, come on" She instructed, holding his hand and leading the way as Herrmann and Casey practically carried him into the elevator. He started coughing up blood as they passed the fourth floor. By the time they reached the ground floor he felt like he was drowning, struggling for each breath. He had very little awareness of what was happening around him as he was loaded into the ambulance, lying on his side, Gabby tending his injury while negotiating with Chase. The younger man had refused to be taken to hospital when he'd overheard that something was happening with Severide, he had a sling and that was enough for the time being. Gabby conceded that Chase could ride with them, only because Kelly was quickly losing colour and consciousness, but not before Nadia had made her way over.

"I'm fine. Call Erin" Chase requested as he rounded the ambulance to get in the passenger seat. There was no chance for Nadia to respond before the ambulance tore away from the curb, lights flashing and sirens blaring. She couldn't believe what she had just seen but she knew he was right so she pulled out her phone.

Erin was sitting on the couch at home when he phone rang, Shay sleeping with her head in her lap, Ember nursing contentedly. It took her a moment to reach the device but she moved as quickly and carefully as she could to avoid disturbing her daughters. "Hello" She answered as she put the phone to her ear, smiling at the name that had been on the screen.

"Erin" Nadia began, not entirely sure what to say, fear obvious in her voice.

"What?" Erin questioned, not wanting to waste time with more words when it seemed like an urgent situation.

"You need to get to Chicago Med" The younger woman explained.

"Why?" She posed next, desperate for more information.

"It's Kelly…" Nadia managed, swallowing hard. What was she supposed to say?

"What happened?" Erin asked frantically, already moving, lifting Shay's head to slide out from under her, detaching the baby from her breast and letting her cries wake the two toddlers.

"I don't know, Chase is hurt too" Nadia settled upon, she did know but she didn't want to be the one to tell Erin that her husband looked like death and had a massive piece of glass sticking out his back. "He'll be okay though" She added, clearly referring to Chase. Erin hung up the phone, mind taking that last word and turning it into something horrible as she scrambled to get herself and the three girls into the car. Chase would be okay **though**. Though what? Though Kelly wouldn't?

To Be Continued...

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**Eek!**

**I know little to nothing about abseiling/rappelling so I hope I've used the correct terminology there (least of your concerns at the moment…). I based this scenario off something that happened in a city near me quite recently (nobody was injured IRL so that's dramatic licence). I absolutely promise it won't be too long before the next update – I intentionally ended like this so that I would be extra motivated to tell the rest of this storyline! Oh and I didn't proofread so there are probably heaps of mistakes :/ I'll fix it soon but feel free to point out any major problems. Thank you :D**

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**In response to questions/comments last chapter:**

**Sandygirl: I'm so glad you thought I was right to prescribe an epipen! I could only find one case study where they did for a small baby but in the context of this story I think it's best for Erin's mental health. Thank you so much for your PM, it really meant a lot to me. I hope you liked this chapter, let me know! **

**Daisyangel: They know what she's allergic to and they know it's an unavoidable component of the vaccinations so they won't be vaccinating her any time soon. Maybe once she's old enough to make an informed decision for herself they'll reconsider it – in the modern western world herd immunity should keep her safe. **

**Bella, to answer your recent questions: **

**\- Lara is the friend Erin made at the maternity yoga class, Leah is the teenage mother Erin reunited with her son Lucas (too many 'L' names now that I look back at it, sorry). **

**\- Lara had her baby Willow before Erin had Shay and they drifted apart as a result, they don't keep in regular contact.**

**\- Last we heard of Leah she was working as a hairdresser, she has full custody of Lucas and is dating a man named Lincoln who absolutely adores her son. Leah and Erin remain in contact via text message but this hasn't been mentioned – I don't detail every aspect of their lives or I'd be writing forever.**

**\- These background characters will reappear from time to time but otherwise you can assume they are happily living their lives. **

**\- Regarding your confusion about the different doctors: Ember only saw Professor Milne (the paediatric specialist) once in Chapter 110 to diagnose her lactose intolerance, she saw their everyday family GP (unnamed) in Chapter 115 to be vaccinated. At the hospital following her allergic reaction she was seen by Doctor Ward, Doctor Blackwell and Doctor Halstead. Doctor Ward then recommended a follow up appointment with Professor Andrew Dinham (the allergist/immunologist), this happened in Chapter 147. In Chapter 180 they returned to their GP for the first time since he vaccinated Ember in order to get the results of the tests Professor Dinham conducted. Does that make more sense? I know it's a lot of doctors but that's fairly realistic in my experience. **

**\- Thank you for reading and reviewing :) Any other questions? Feel free to post them in a review but if you want a quicker response you'd need an account so I can message you directly. **


	182. Chapter 182

**Not forever, but a while because it's quite long. Thanks for the lovely reviews. Please enjoy :D**

Easing her foot from the brake pedal the vehicle began to roll through the intersection, keeping up with the cars around Erin accelerated evenly. It wasn't how she wanted to be driving, cautiously, but it matched the calm exterior she was working hard to maintain. Internally she felt like she was trying to put up a tent without the tent poles, the stifling synthetic fabric tangling and sagging around her, growing heavier with each passing second.

"Mama?" Shay squeaked from the backseat. Erin sighed, not entirely sure how long she had been holding her breath, and looked to the rear view mirror. Ember had been lulled to sleep by the movement of the car, Ruby too was fast asleep, both oblivious to everything that was happening. Shay was not. Erin could see in her daughter's eyes that her attempt to conceal what she was feeling was failing. "Mama where we goin'?" Shay asked diplomatically, little hands clasped together in her lap, eyes full of seriousness.

"Shay sweetie…" Erin began, eyes back on the road. Just like breathing the act of speaking was another opportunity for the emotion to break free, her pained voice foreign to her own ears.

"We visit Daddy?" Shay enquired uncertainly.

"Shay…" She tried for a second time, the lump in her throat making it impossible to say anything more. With such little information to go on Erin didn't even know if her husband was still alive, let alone in any condition to be seen by their children. Erin knew it wasn't very scientific but she had convinced herself that she would be able to feel it, if he died. All she felt was a mixture of hope, dread and a need to stay strong for her girls. She trusted that her husband, if he had any say in the matter, would fight for them with everything he had.

"Mama, Daddy makes you happy" Shay proposed, justification for her desire to visit him since she'd misunderstood her mother's reply as a gentle refusal. Erin wasn't sure her heart could take it, the pure innocence of the toddler's words. Not on top of everything she was trying not to feel in that moment.

"Shay, you know Mama and Daddy love you right?" Erin asked after swallowing hard, the direction of the impending conversation still being decided.

"Uh-huh" Shay nodded without taking pause to think.

"Good" She accepted gratefully, hoping that if they could just concentrate on love everything might turn out. "Princess… we're going to the hospital because Daddy and Chase are hurt" She managed to explain when she couldn't delay any longer, despite driving slowly they were finally nearing their destination.

"Hostible!?" Shay cried, smacking her hand against the window as she recognised the building and associated it with her mother's words.

"The doctors in the hospital are trying to make Daddy and Chasey better" Erin comforted, or hoped, she was doing a lot of hoping.

"You can kissy better but" Shay dismissed, a very obvious solution in her eyes.

"I don't know" She shook her head, looking to the toddler as she waited for an opening in the traffic to turn into the hospital parking lot.

"You can, you can make no ouchy Mama" Shay assured, having great confidence in the healing powers of her mother's kisses.

"I'll do my best" Erin vowed, impatience beginning to rise when she couldn't immediately see a parking space. "But I need my big brave girl" She requested, smiling at Shay through the rear view mirror while waiting for a reversing car.

"I good" Shay promised. Erin was distracted by the task of pulling into the just vacated car space but managed to mumble a quick thank you in response. Turning off the ignition she didn't move for a moment, she hadn't expected her stomach to sink quite so sickeningly with the knowledge that she was minutes away from knowing the extent of her husband's injuries. Not knowing was better than knowing bad news. In the end it was Shay grunting and pushing at the door that brought her back from the crushing weight of reality. She just had to take it one step at a time. It took a few minutes to get organised, unfolding the pram and transferring Ruby into it without waking her then unclipping Ember's car seat and ensuring Shay remained close at their side.

Simply by entering the emergency department waiting room they had doubled the number of occupants. Erin didn't know what to make of the lack of familiar faces, not when she was used to the room half packed in a silent vigil the moment anything happened to one of the Firehouse 51 family. She didn't even consider that it could be because she had arrived only moments after her husband. Making her way to the desk that served as triage she readied herself for whatever it was she was about to hear.

"Erin?" From the doors at the side of the desk came a voice, small and a little surprised. She turned towards it, Gabby, looking drained, eyes full of something Erin couldn't pick. Her gaze was fixated on the paramedic's middle, the bloodstain.

"How…?" Erin demanded, closing her mouth quickly before she was sick. It wasn't a lot of blood but the fact that it came from her husband was disturbing and frightening.

"Hey, come sit down for me?" Gabby instructed, zipping her jacket up, demeanour changing completely as she put aside concern for her friend and resumed her job, comforting family members.

"How is he?" Erin almost growled, refusing to move until her question was answered, gritting her teeth and breathing through her nose to keep the nausea at bay. Shay frowned at the tone her mother used, looking up with great curiosity then following her mother's stare. Gabby was nice but she couldn't help but assume her mother's approach, scowling at the paramedic as she hooked her arm around the back of her mother's knee.

"They've taken him straight into surgery, his lung was punctured and it collapsed on the way in…" Gabby summarized, keeping a close eye on Erin's reaction. "Are you sure you don't want to sit down?" 

"I just want to know what's going on" She pleaded desperately, steadying herself with a hand on the pram. Gabby stepped in, taking the car seat from the woman and setting it down on the ground next to the pram before ushering her toward the nearest chair. Erin sunk into the hard plastic chair, lifting Shay to sit on her lap. The toddler snuggled against her chest but her head twisted to watch Gabby carefully as the paramedic moved to sit next to them.

"Okay" Gabby accepted, nodding once as she reached across to rest a hand on Erin's shoulder in a comforting gesture that gave her time to think. "Kelly went through a window… unexpectedly. A shard of the glass ended up embedded in his back. It pierced his lung and might have done some other damage. The surgeon will be able to tell you more. He was fine, in pain but fine, until the glass shifted and stopped sealing the wound. Then he had some difficulty breathing and passed out just after we got him into the ambo. I stabilized him, following procedure, and we got him here as quickly as we could. The surgeon, Doctor Clark, is good, one of the best, we just have to wait and let her do her job" Gabby finished hoping her short, sharp, formal sentences were an effective way of delivering the information.

"What are his chances?" Erin choked out, mind racing as she tried to process everything, picturing something far worse than the injury Gabby had seen. Cupping Shay's cheek in the palm of her hand she held the toddler's head to her chest, making sure that she couldn't look up and see the tears welling in her eyes, she was supposed to be being strong.

"Good" Gabby answered immediately, shifting forward in her chair to evidence her shock at the question. "Good, he'll have to take it easy for a while but he's going to live" She assured, there was a small risk of complications arising during surgery but the doctor was skilled and Kelly strong. Erin squeezed Shay just a little tighter as she nodded in acknowledgement. Trusting Gabby was made difficult by the fact he had been rushed into surgery, if she'd been able to see him first she might feel more confident.

"Chase?" She remembered to ask next.

"Dislocated shoulder, they've taken him up to radiology but he should be back soon, you should be able to see him then" Gabby replied, it was much easier news to deliver. It seemed to cheer Erin up, or at least take her mind off her husband momentarily, and Shay certainly reacted to the mention of her brother so Gabby decided to see what more information she could get. "Wait here, I'll ask" She requested as she got up, squeezing Erin's shoulder before pushing through the doors and out of sight.

"Chasey hurty Mama?" Shay questioned sadly, pushing against her mother's hand and tugging at her shirt.

"Yeah, Chase has a hurt shoulder?" Erin explained, deciding to give the toddler as much information as she would understand.

"Why?" The toddler posed, trying to understand what had happened but using her favourite one word question.

"Because he had an accident at work" She supplied, kissing Shay's head as she tried not to blame the job.

"And Daddy!" Shay sobbed as it finally became too much, the two year old couldn't understand. "Dada-daddddy" She continued to cry, unable to stop, getting louder when she realised she had broken her promise to be brave. It was an unnecessary reminder to the men making their way into the waiting room, already questioning if they had done enough.

"Erin" Matt Casey greeted sombrely as he sat down one seat over from her, giving a sympathetic smile as she tried to calm the toddler.

"He'll pull through" Mouch contributed as he settled in the chair opposite her, view partially obscured by the pram.

"No need to worry" Herrmann assured, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"It's Severide" Cruz reminded with great certainty.

"Any news?" Capp questioned on behalf of the remaining members of Squad Three, they blamed themselves.

"He's in surgery" She answered, not sure why their presence made her feel stronger, it wasn't that she was afraid to cry in front of them. Perhaps it was because she knew that they all wanted the same thing. They were likely the reason Shay had stopped crying, the toddler eager to hear what they were saying as she tried to understand the situation.

"They're saying family only, it's a rule" Gabby informed as she burst through the doors, barely noticing that the others had arrived she was so frustrated.

"We are his family" Erin reasoned as she stood up, no rule was going to stop her seeing her son.

"You can argue that with his nurse" Gabby recommended harshly, wrongly assuming that Erin was implying she hadn't tried hard enough. "Sorry! I'm sorry. Why don't… if you give me your keys I can take the girls home" She suggested, wanting to make up for her rudeness.

"Would you?" Erin questioned, not sure Gabby was being serious. She had only brought them because she hadn't had any other choice, she had been lucky that the younger two were asleep but that could change at any moment.

"Absolutely, you'll have to keep me in the loop but it's going to be a long wait and the hospital's no place for little ones. Is it Shay?" Gabby asked, smiling at the toddler who's only response was to turn away and cling to her mother.

"Daddy!" Shay moaned, pulling at her mother's singlet to try to press her face to warm skin.

"Princess, the doctors are busy making Daddy better. As soon as he's feeling better you can come back and visit him. Until then Gabby's going to take you, Ruby and Emmy home" Erin negotiated, being careful not to end with a question.

"No" Shay flat out refused.

"Shay please."

"No Mama, I be big girl" Shay vowed, sitting up to look her mother in the eye but not loosening her grip on the singlet straps. Shay sensed that her big eyes and bottom lip weren't going to win this argument, neither were tears, so she became serious instead. "Please Mama."

"She can stay" Erin conceded, looking to Gabby for approval despite having reached a firm conclusion. Shay had been clingy from the moment she had woken to the moment she had scared herself by running off to her aunt.

"Okay, I'll just take Em and Ruby" Gabby agreed, accepting the keys and lifting the car seat caringly.

"Thank you" Erin added, hoping she was making the right decision. Ruby would recognise Gabby from the barbeque the previous weekend and Ember wasn't particularly bothered by who cared for her as long as she was fed.

"You'll call me?" Gabby checked with her husband on her way past.

"As soon as we know anything" Matt confirmed with a nod.

"Down" Shay ordered, pointing at the vaguely grey linoleum.

"Shay" Erin murmured as a refusal, adjusting her hold of the toddler as she hesitated for a moment, not sure if she should sit back down. She was more than ready to argue her way in to see Chase but with Shay present she didn't want to set a bad example.

"No Mama, I big girl!" Shay whined, twisting and wriggling until she started to slip down her mother's side.

"Okay" She accepted with a shrug, taking the toddler's hand instead. "Come on" She instructed, making her way across to the desk again. "Excuse me, hi" She began, waiting until the stern looking woman made eye contact before making her request. "I'm looking for Chase Patterson."

"And you're a relative?" The woman checked, giving the impression had negative interest and an abundance of impatience.

"I'm his mum" Erin answered tentatively, regretting not conveying more confidence as the woman looked at her for a long moment. The fact that she didn't question her was testament to how stressed Erin must have looked.

"Alright, come on through" The woman instructed, pointing to the doors. Erin smiled to thank her then led Shay through the doors. The woman looked as if she was going to change her mind when she saw the toddler but Erin simply started walking, hoping that she's be able to find Chase amongst the maze of rooms and curtained off cubicles.

"Mum?" Chase questioned a moment later, he thought he'd heard her voice but he definitely recognised the side of her through a gap in the curtains. Erin turned back to the woman, unable to suppress the 'I told you so' expression that crossed her face before she looked her boy over critically.

"CHASEY!" Shay squealed loudly as she threw open the curtain, she couldn't have cared less about behaving properly, releasing her mother's hand and bursting into the space that seemed small even to her.

"Hey princess, come here" Chase chuckled pulling the toddler up onto the bed with one arm, only wincing when she immediately gave him a very enthusiastic hug.

"Are you alright?" Erin asked gently, moving into the small space with every intention of removing the toddler.

"Yeah" He assured, waving her away as he pushed the pain away and hugged the toddler back. "Just waiting for the x-ray to check they put it back in right" He shared as Shay started to grab at the knot in the sling he wore.

"Did they give you something for the pain?" Erin questioned in a way only a mother could. 

"Ouchy ow ow" Shay sang sympathetically as she stroked the white fabric, fascinated but careful because she didn't want to hurt him.

"I'm fine" He dismissed with a shake of his head, pulling the toddler in and kissing the top of her head. For the split second before his harness had caught him he'd been certain the ropes keeping him suspended were going to give under the weight of the panel. In that time his mind had conjured only one image, his little sister's face.

"Mama kiss!" Shay commanded expectantly.

"Oh, that's a great idea Shay" Chase nodded, smiling in the hope he could convey to his mum that he was alright. "Mama can kiss it better." Erin tilted her head and gave him a questioning look before moving closer, Shay shifted out of the way watching with great delight as her mother pressed a soft kiss to her brother's shoulder.

"All better" Shay announced, feeling left out as the pair stared into each other's eyes, communicating wordlessly. Erin couldn't help herself, reaching out and pulling her boy into a hug, fingers tangling in his messy curls as he pressed his ear to her chest and took in the elevated heart rate.

"I love you" She whispered into his hair, adding another kiss for good measure.

"Love you too" Chase returned when she released him, wanting to look into her eye as he said it. He didn't know how much she knew about what had happened but he felt incredibly guilty, if he had been there to help at least one of them wouldn't have ended up in hospital.

"It wasn't your fault" She clarified, reading him expertly. Chase looked away, to the floor then to Shay, who had crawled back onto his lap and was playing with the fingers of his injured arm.

"Any update?" He questioned after clearing his throat.

"Not yet" She shook her head, looking automatically to her watch. There was something special about hospitals, time never seemed to pass quite right within them. An hour ago she'd been sitting on the couch at home, carefree, planning a romantic night with her husband.

"He's MY son!" A woman yelled from somewhere nearby, Erin didn't recognise the voice and therefore didn't react. But Chase did.

"Ahh…" He sighed exasperatedly, looking desperately to Erin.

"Is that?" She asked, realising what those words combined with his response meant.

"Yeah" He groaned, clearly unhappy.

"Oh" Erin nodded, she had never expected to meet the other woman, but she was doing her best to collect herself in preparation. She straightened her singlet but was well aware she wasn't dressed for anything more than lazing around the house.

"I didn't… they must have…" Chase tried to explain, not sure what to make of his mother's nervous fidgeting.

"I'm sorry ma'am his mother's already in there with him. You can't…" A nurse tried desperately to explain.

"Chase you tell them right now…!" The woman demanded as she marched her way into the cubical, stopping in shock when she saw that her son wasn't alone.

"Mama!" Shay squeaked involuntarily, frightened by the intruder she shrank back before reaching for her mother. Erin scooped up the toddler then stepped back from the hospital bed, waiting to see what the stranger was going to do next. She didn't look anything like Erin had expected because she didn't look at all like Chase, with bleached yellow frizzy permed hair, but she did resemble her brother Russ to a degree. The woman sighed sharply then took a deep breath, apparently steadying herself to say something.

"Stop, please just calm down" Chase urged impatiently, he was clearly well accustomed to this behaviour and could predict what his mother was going to do next.

"I was so worried!" She fussed, pouting as she pushed past Erin and Shay in the narrow space and threw herself at her son enveloping him in a crushing hug. Erin moved to the end of the bed, bouncing the bristling toddler in her arms, even Shay could tell that Chase was being hurt.

"I'm fine" Chase managed through gritted teeth, his unrelenting mother causing considerable pain.

"I've told you, that darn job…" She snapped, giving his cheek a firm tap then stepping back and frowning at him.

"I'm fine" He repeated. "Thank you for your concern but there's no need for you to be here" Chase stated formally in a tone Erin had never heard him use before.

"Don't you want to introduce me?" His mother suggested, smiling sweetly at him before sending Erin a venomous glare that had Shay practically burrowing into her mother's underarm.

"No, I don't" He challenged, looking to Erin apologetically, a hint of desperation in his eyes. Erin understood, he was hurt and tired, in no condition to be dealing with the difficult woman that was his biological mother.

"Ms Patterson, Chase's mother. And you are?" She demanded, forcing Erin to take a step back as she invaded her personal space.

"Erin Severide, Chase's mum" Erin returned confidently, revelling in the look of utter indignation the older woman assumed.

"Chasey" Shay whined in a tiny voice, now that the scary woman was closer she would much rather be in his protective arms.

"It's okay princess, she's going to go now" Chase assured, amused by the childish huff his mother gave. After another round of glares all around she turned and left, almost tearing the curtain from the rail in her frustration. Erin gave in to Shay's request and set the toddler down on the bed, allowing her to crawl to her brother, this time careful of his arm as she snuggled against him. He seemed to relax and enjoy the comforting gesture.

"I'm really sorry… I shouldn't have…" Erin apologised, shaking her head, she didn't specifically regret anything she had said but felt wrong to have made such a bold claim without his permission.

"I'm really glad you did" Chase argued, refusing to accept the apology. "After today… I thought maybe…"

"Chase you are always going to be part of our family… And he's going to be alright" Erin assured, given time to think she had realised that if their places were traded her husband would be encouraging her to think positively about the outcome of the surgery.

"Mama when we see Daddy?" Shay enquired, seemingly understanding who they were referring to.

"Later, the doctors are still working" She answered gently, her new found resolve tested by the sense that she was somehow lying to her daughter.

"Oh…" Shay accepted disappointedly. "Can we see him innn… twice seven minutes?" She proposed next, looking to her mother hopefully, in her opinion that was long enough to stick on some Bandaids and tie on a sling. Erin was surprised to see the same level of curiosity and optimism in Chase's eyes.

"How about I go ask?" She offered with a small smile.

"Umkay, I stay sicky-Chasey?" Shay questioned, stroking the sling again in an attempt to show her mother she was playing an important role in making her brother better.

"Okay" Erin confirmed once she had made eye contact with Chase to check he was alright with Shay staying. Without saying anything more she pulled back the curtain, narrowly avoiding a man in a wheelchair as she stepped out into the crowded walkway. After taking a moment to survey the chaos she started towards the central nurses' station, on her way she realised that Chase's cubical was directly opposite the one where Ember had been resuscitated. She wondered what the universe was trying to tell her, throwing another medical mishap her way the day after they'd finally resolved Ember's health concerns. "April?" Erin asked to get the woman's attention, thankful for a familiar face.

"Uh…?" April frowned as she tried to remember the name that went with the face before her.

"Erin, Severide" Erin prompted.

"Erin, sorry" April apologised quickly, closing the file she was holding to give the woman her full attention.

"Don't be, you're probably busy…" Erin concluded, the correct procedure was to return to the lady at the front desk for information.

"How can I help?" April persisted, setting down the file on the desk.

"I was just wondering if there was any chance of an update, Kelly's been in surgery for forty-five minutes now" Erin explained, looking to her watch to calculate the time. It wasn't very long as far as surgeries were concerned but being in the hospital with limited information made it feel like forever.

"Oh, my shift only started twenty minutes ago. Is he alright?" April asked, genuinely concerned for her high school friend.

"I was hoping you'd be able to tell me" She rephrased, taking the nurse by surprise, she certainly appeared calm for someone whose husband was in surgery. "He was injured at work" She added, that helped April understand a little better, it couldn't be the first time.

"Give me one sec, I'll find out for you" April assured, turning to speak with a doctor then moving further away to a computer and a phone.

"Thanks" Erin sighed after her, she would thank her properly when she had more information.

"Patterson, Chase. Twenty-three year old male, firefighter, dislocated his shoulder on the job. Has the humorous been relocated successfully… Jenkins?" Erin couldn't help but overhear, a senior doctor appeared to be briefing a trio of medical students on her son's case.

"Yes, but a physical examination to assess range of motion is required prior to discharge as well as discussion of follow-up care" The young man replied, looking worried that he might have forgotten something. Erin watched them closely as the senior doctor questioned the other two students to assess their knowledge.

"Righto, lead the way" The doctor declared at last when he was satisfied with their answers. Erin wanted to follow them so she could make sure Shay wasn't in the way as well as to support her son and to learn the prognosis of his injury.

"Excuse me? Sorry" She began, knowing the nurse she was looking at was preoccupied filling in a chart. "Could you let April know that I'm in…trauma bay nine?" She questioned, having to look over her shoulder for the correct number.

"Sure" The nurse confirmed, already having returned to the chart.

"Thank you" She extended before returning the way she had come, moving silently through the opening in the curtains and around past the doctors to the opposite side of the hospital bed. Shay was sitting on her brother, pulling faces at one of the medical students, Erin couldn't catch her eye to discourage the behaviour so instead she lifted the toddler.

"Ma!" Shay complained loudly, twisting to get a look at the person who held her.

"Sorry" Erin whispered as the doctors stopped talking to Chase and looked to her instead.

"This is my mum" Chase felt proud to share, the senior doctor frowned in confusion as he performed the mental maths, his students appeared unfazed.

"Really?" The doctor posed, fishing for more information on the nature of their relationship.

"He 'dopted" Shay explained effortlessly, stunning everyone in the room with her perfect response, Erin more than the others. She would have to remember to be careful about the conversations Shay was present to since she seemed to be listening and following what was being said.

"Yeah, thanks princess" Chase smiled, hoping they could get back to the test they said they had to do before he could be discharged. By proving to his mum that he was alright he would be lessening her concern, allowing them to concentrate on Kelly.

"Right, uh, you don't mind if one of my students performs the test?" The doctor asked after a moment.

"Not at all" Chase shrugged lopsidedly. Erin watched as one of the female students stepped forward and instructed Chase to perform a series of movements, wriggling his fingers and flexing his wrist and elbow amongst other things. His shoulder was obviously sore but after writing a prescription for painkillers the senior doctor was happy to discharge him. April arrived just as the small crowd were leaving to retrieve discharge papers, mother's instinct had Erin hand Shay back to Chase and step out, not wanting her children to hear in case it was bad news. She mentally kicked herself for the negative thought then nodded to encourage April to share what she had learned.

"He's doing well. They've removed most of the glass…" April paused to gauge Erin's reaction to that information, checking that she had context for glass being removed from her husband's body. It had come as a surprise to the nurse. "Doctor Clark is just trying to extract glass splinters from the surrounding tissue. They have a chest tube in place draining his lung and he's only on his second bag of blood…" She announced cheerily.

"Okay" Erin accepted processing the information but failing to see how that was a good thing. 

"Removing the glass caused a bleed but that's resolved now. It shouldn't be more than another hour" April explained.

"Thank you" Erin replied, not looking forward to another hour of waiting.

"No problem, I've got them paging me if anything happens and I'll come find you" April assured kindly, doing her best to relieve some of the stress Erin was experiencing.

"Chase is being discharged so I'll probably be out in the waiting room" Erin provided, glad that it was April she had asked instead of a random nurse who wouldn't go above and beyond like that.

"You should head up to the waiting room on level two, that's nearest the operating theatre and where Clark'll look first" April informed helpfully, pointing directly upwards.

"Oh, okay. Thanks" Erin nodded, adding a thankful smile before she began to back away.

"Erin" April called after her.

"Yeah?" She questioned, expecting directions or a piece of information the nurse had forgotten.

"Kelly Severide, he's done some crazy stuff… but he always manages to bounce back, a real superhero that one" April disclosed supportively, laughing softly as she remembered one specific event from their adolescence, a joyride on a motorcycle that had left her certain of her future occupation. Only someone with a desire for a medical career would be patient enough to pick all the gravel out of their best friend's arm in that situation.

Erin gave a weak smile and nodded in agreement, body language conveying one thing while her mind screamed another. There were no such thing as superheros and her husband wasn't invincible. Swallowing hard she tried to remember something positive, Shay's giggles were enough of a distraction as she entered the room. The toddler playing peek-a-boo with the hospital blanket draped over her brother.

"Paperwork done, I'm good to go" Chase announced, holding up the copy he had been given to take to his GP for a referral to a physical therapist.

"Once you're dressed" Erin reminded, gesturing to the white and navy patterned hospital gown he wore. Chase laughed once before his face fell.

"Any news?" He asked hopefully.

"He'll be in surgery for another hour or so, it's going well" She answered positively.

"Good" He concluded, expression still crestfallen, feeling terrible that he had been laughing and having fun with Shay less than a minute ago.

"We'll go tell the others, you alright to get dressed?" She enquired, not sure how he would manage to get back into his work clothes with one good arm.

"Yeah, should be fine" He nodded dismissively.

"I can ask a nurse…" Erin offered, just in case he was only denying help because he didn't want it to come from her.

"I'll be out in a minute… a few minutes" He revised when he managed to get the sling over his head.

"Come on then princess" She smiled as she picked up her daughter, wondering if she would be able to get another cuddle from the little girl. That might make her feel more positive.

"Bye-bye Chasey" Shay waved.

"I'll be out soon" Chase assured as the curtain between them was pulled closed.

"We see Daddy now?" Shay questioned excitedly, certain her twice seven minutes had passed.

"Not yet" Erin shook her head, wondering how she was going to keep the toddler entertained for an hour, or more since the toddler would want to see her father conscious.

"Chase Patterson…" A familiar female voice stated, as if repeating the name slowly because she had already said it numerous times.

"…We need to ask him a few questions" A male voice insisted firmly, it too was familiar. Erin pushed through the doors and made her way to the desk, the two young police officers looking very relieved to see her.

"Is he okay?" Nadia questioned desperately.

"He's fine" Erin assured, not expecting the thankful hug she received.

"They won't let me in to see him" Nadia informed angrily as she stepped back and tried to compose herself.

"He's been discharged, he's just getting dressed" She comforted, watching relief wash over the young woman in several waves.

"Really? Oh thank god" Nadia sighed, hugging Erin again. Shay was quite enjoying the spontaneous crushing hugs, smiling and clapping. "We got here as quickly as we could… I tried to call you."

"I…don't know where my phone is" Erin mumbled as she patted at her pockets in search of the device, it was likely still in her car, or in the diaper bag or pram pocket, it didn't matter, all of those things were at least twenty minutes away.

"What about Kelly?" Watson asked with an empathetic smile.

"He's in surgery" Erin informed distantly, she hated the surge of emotion that accompanied those words each time she said them.

"Oh Erin, I'm…I'm so sorry" Nadia stuttered as she pulled the woman into another hug, feeling horrible to have completely forgotten about the other man, blinded by her concern for Chase.

"I'm fine" Erin defended, pulling away before Nadia released her completely.

"No you're not" Nadia disagreed instantly, knowing the older woman well enough to decipher the look in her eyes.

"Nadia" She warned, voice low with a hint of pleading, she needed to say it even if she wasn't feeling it. The only other option was to fall apart, and that wasn't something she could afford to do just yet.

"What can I do?" Nadia questioned after a thoughtful pause.

"Take Chase home?" Erin proposed, it wasn't a particularly realistic request.

"Chasey" Shay echoed, pointing to the face that had just appeared between the door.

"He's not going to want to go…" Nadia reasoned softly.

"I know, you'll need to convince him" Erin replied through a smile as Chase approached. She stepped back and gave the couple a moment to reunite before Nadia returned to her side. Chase took a moment to talk with the other people in the waiting room, a sombre celebration as they remembered the missing person.

"What about Shay? And Emmy? Is she with Cindy?" Nadia enquired, allowing the toddler to pull the cap from her head.

"No, Gabby has Emmy and Ruby at home… Shay didn't want to go" Erin explained, thinking about her options for the next hour.

"I Chasey" Shay requested, tossing the cap aside as she squirmed in the hope of getting free and making her way to her brother.

"Do you want to go home with Chase now?" She asked the toddler seriously, adjusting her grip in a way that made the toddler think she would be put down if she gave the correct answer.

"Um…yeah" Shay agreed after taking a second to think.

"Okay" Erin accepted, setting the toddler down on her feet, the waiting room wasn't too big a space and it was half filled with people they knew. "Do you think you can manage that? You don't have a car…" She remembered, the solution she thought they had found no longer viable.

"We'll be fine, I'll get them home safely I promise. You've got enough going on, let me help" Nadia urged seriously.

"Okay. Do whatever you have to, keep her distracted, feed her whatever. Hayden will be there at six to pick up Ruby…" Erin listed, trying to think of anything else that was vitally important to looking after the girls that Nadia wouldn't already know.

"I'll handle it" Nadia guaranteed, looking up to see that Chase was on his way towards them.

"Hey" Erin greeted gently as Chase neared, Shay perched on his uninjured forearm.

"Erin needs us to take Shay home" Nadia shared gently, it took him a second but the exact moment Chase realised what that meant was obvious, brows furrowing severely.

"No way! I'm staying!" He argued determinedly, startling Shay somewhat.

"Chase" Erin requested.

"Mum!" He complained unhappily, he couldn't really argue with her, not today.

"Please. Gabby can only look after Em and Rube for so long, I can only keep her entertained for so long" She reasoned, pointing to the toddler who was fiddling with his sling and singing softly to herself at the same time. "I'll call you as soon as he's out of surgery" She promised.

"Dada?" Shay sought, still listening to the conversation.

"Princess, Chase is going to take you home, but you can come back when it's time to see Daddy" Erin explained to the toddler, holding her hand little hand to keep her full attention.

"Umkay, I hungry" Shay accepted with a shrug.

"I love you both" Erin reminded, pressing a kiss to Shay's cheek and patting Chase's arm as she poured energy into a convincing smile.

"Let's go" Nadia suggested when the silence dragged on and none of them made to move.

"Ta-ta Mama" Shay called as the police officers and the injured fireman began to retreat, scrunching both hands in a wave.

"Bye-bye baby" She returned softly, waving as the remainder of her immediate family left the building. She was glad she wasn't alone but didn't feel the same need to disguise her emotions with those who remained, maybe because she knew they could all see through it. After taking a moment to collect her thoughts she approached the gathering of uniformed men to share the update April had provided. "Umm…" She began, getting their attention before saying anything important. "I just spoke to a nurse and she said the surgery is going well. They've got most of the glass out… second bag of blood and a chest tube or something…" Erin stumbled, unable to breathe as she pictured her husband on the operating table for the first time, blood and glass everywhere, a butcher rather than a surgeon up to their elbows in gore. Christopher stood fractionally before Matt, both sitting right in front of her they didn't have to move very far, the next thing she knew she was sitting down. "We're supposed to wait upstairs" She protested weakly, hating that her body was betraying her.

"Just take a minute" Christopher suggested, though Erin got the distinct impression there was to be no argument.

"He has to be okay" Erin whispered, feeling hot tears building in her eyes, threatening to spill at any second.

"Hey, surgery's going well, he will be" Christopher reminded, rising from where he had crouched in front of her to squeeze her in a tight hug for the briefest moment.

"Mmm, sorry" She nodded, looking away she swallowed and blinked a few times, meeting the concerned eyes of several other worried firemen before reassuming her brave face and smiling at him.

"Don't sweat it, c'mon let's go see if the chairs up there are padded" He encouraged, offering a hand. She took a deep breath before accepting it, the pair heading for the nearest elevator as chairs scraped behind them.

"Going up guys" Matt commanded before following, it took two trips in the elevator, Otis insisting that they adhere to the weight guidelines. The chairs were padded and the space empty but for an elderly couple in the far corner. Erin settled between Christopher and Matt, opposite Chief Boden, wondering for a moment how Chase and Shay were doing under Nadia's command. They all slipped into a meditative silence for the first twenty minutes or so, then Mouch offered to go get coffee and when he returned they chattered as they sipped on the tasteless beverage. Erin remained silent, listening to their conversation it was then that she learned where the incident had taken place. She asked for an explanation then, because the panels had appeared secure when she'd been at the gallery that morning, and everything was explained in such great detail that she didn't even feel the remainder of the time passing.

"Family of… I'm guessing you lot" The woman in scrubs concluded as she stopped before the huddle of firefighters, pulling off the mask she wore and tossing it into the nearest bin.

"How is he doc?" Boden questioned in his low rumble.

"Doing well, considering" The surgeon confirmed, singling Erin out to hold eye contact with. "He's in recovery, one hundred percent glass free. You'll be able to see him once they've settled him into a room" She shared with a small smile, the woman's face remained devoid of emotion but the men around her looked expectant. "If you don't have any questions… I need coffee" She finished, waiting for a long minute before turning to walk away.

"Thank you" Erin offered almost too late.

"Most interesting job I've had in a while…" Doctor Clark grinned as she turned back, continuing to walk confidently despite facing the wrong direction. The combined men of Truck 81 and Squad 3 extended their thanks to the surgeon before watching until she disappeared down the corridor.

"See, that's Severide for you" Christopher smiled, he hadn't doubted the outcome for a single second but he had seen a flicker in Erin's eyes downstairs. Worse was yet to come it turned out. Thirty-nine of the longest minutes Erin paced her way through, despite several jokes about wearing through the floor, she had too much nervous energy to sit and time seemed to slow to a snail's pace. It was all well and good to know that he was out of surgery but until she saw him she couldn't let herself relax. None of the men seemed to understand and Herrmann's attempts to calm her were ignored, she was visibly agitated by the time a kindly looking man in scrubs arrived to speak to them. The rubber soles of her shoes squealed as she whipped around to face him.

"Mrs Severide?" He questioned gently, raising his eyebrows as she stormed towards him.

"Mmm" She acknowledged, not wanting to waste precious time by saying anything more.

"Your husband is still unconscious but you can come see him now" The man, Howard Berk – a nurse according to his staff ID tag, said evenly. Erin would have termed it slowly and she had to exercise a lot of self-control to respond civilly.

"Thank you" She nodded, pointing questioningly down the corridor to urge him to lead the way. She would open every door she came across in order to find her husband but suspected that approach would be frowned upon.

"There's another waiting room that's closer if you'd like me to show you" The man suggested, completely oblivious to Erin's impatience. Christopher was quick to his feet, gesturing for the rest to do the same as he moved towards her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders to prevent her doing anything she would regret.

"Not long now" He whispered comfortingly, starting down the corridor in the hope that the nurse would get the message and provide directions. He did and soon they reached a much nicer waiting room, having travelled so far they were in a new wing of the hospital. The floor was carpeted and there were couches instead of chairs, the firemen almost looking forward to waiting in such luxury. Christopher gave Erin one last squeeze before releasing her, the nurse holding open a door and waiting for her. She used the walk down the corridor to mentally prepare herself for what she was about to see.

"He's just in here" The nurse informed as they arrived at the fifth room on the right, his voice magnified by the silence that surrounded them.

"Thanks" Erin nodded, he left before she had even stepped over the threshold but Erin barely registered his departure, focused. Kelly looked worse than she had expected, and her imagination was quite vivid. The deep red blood flowing into his arm was doing nothing for his pale exterior, face almost blending into the crisp white linen. His head was tipped to the side, mouth slightly agape he didn't at all give the impression he was sleeping peacefully, not with an IV in either hand, chest tube outline visible beneath the thin gown and coloured wires poking out the neck hole. "Hey" She greeted, her mouth moved but no more than a tiny squeak came out as she tiptoed cautiously towards him. There was a chair in place on the far side of the bed so she made her way towards it, taking his hand as she stopped in front of the chair. Comforted by the warmth his hand radiated she squeezed it in one of her own while reaching up to cup his cheek with the other, that too was warm.

With a thumb under his chin she closed his mouth, tilting his head into a slightly more relaxed position so he didn't wake with a sore neck. "I love you" She murmured barely audibly as she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead, running her fingers through his hair. She hadn't told him how much she loved the way his hair had gradually begun to grey, he didn't like that word and the one time she'd used it with him he'd corrected her calling it silver. She would tell him when he woke up she resolved, she wanted to see those blue eyes as badly as she needed his strong arms to hold her. There was no change to his heart rate or any other acknowledgement of her presence at all so after another kiss she sat on the edge of the chair, keeping a hold of his hand and a watchful gaze on his face.

Among other things Erin found herself thinking about the last time she had dedicated this much time to thinking solely about him. She'd spent an entire sleepless night thinking about him when he'd left without a word years back, she was only a few months pregnant with Shay and her namesake had not long died. So much had happened since then. More recently she'd covered a decent section of the riverwalk in free time she had purposely scheduled the week before their wedding, thinking about him and the commitment she was about to make to him. Forever. Their honeymoon had been about planning their future together, a future that included the new life they created that week. She didn't want to use their children as an excuse because even when they'd taken time out for their anniversary she hadn't necessarily spent time thinking about him. Sure she appreciated him and the opportunity to spend time thinking, but it had been with him not about him. Reflecting then just as she was now, it was hard not to get lost in memories. They had made some truly incredible ones over the years and she needed him back, in good health, as soon as possible so they could make many more.

Twisting the wedding band on his finger she smiled at how well-worn it was after only a year, no longer quite circular with scrapes and deep scratches marring the once smooth surface, he hadn't taken it off. She didn't understand how it was still there, not when his other jewellery was gone, watch and necklace nowhere to be seen. It had been an emergency surgery so perhaps they had missed it, or maybe someone had known how important it was and slipped it back on when they were done. She probably wouldn't ever find out and a moment later she had forgotten her curiosity entirely. One of his fingers twitched, after experiencing her entire range of emotions in a matter of seconds she told herself she had imagined it. He still looked deeply unconscious, breathing slowly and evenly, but then his entire hand moved, squeezing hers tightly for a few seconds. Erin stood rapidly, clutching his hand with both of hers, the chair she had been sitting on toppled backwards with a loud thud. His eyes flew open, wide, bright blue, focusing, searching, they found her face then narrowed into a cringe as the alarm on the heart rate monitor beeped loudly. Erin couldn't move, she just stared at him with a complex expression on her face. A nurse burst into the room just as the monitor ceased beeping, she saw that everything was alright and mumbled something about getting a doctor before leaving.

"Hey" Kelly croaked, a smile crinkled the corners of his eyes for a second as he grasped her hand and pulled it up to his lips, pressing a tiny kiss to the back. His arms were heavy and there was a painful pinching in his back when he moved but he was glad to see her and had to let her know. She gasped, biting her bottom lip as she tugged her hand free, trying to cover her face in time. Sob after aching sob spilled forth, tears caught in her palms as she turned away, she didn't want him to see. She was supposed to be being strong. It took him a second to understand what was happening but then he tried to sit up, crying out in pain he surrendered, falling back into the pillows. Sharp panting breaths helped dispel the pain of moving but the pain in his chest grew with every sound she made. A little less enthusiastically he extended his arm towards her, hooking a denim belt loop and dragging her in. She wiped at her face and tried to swallow her sobs as he skilfully turned her to face him. "You weren't worried were you?" He wheezed, smiling to indicate that he was okay when his voice betrayed him. She inhaled before her face screwed up, shaking her head at him. He sighed, grabbed her wrist and pulled hard, continuing until she sat on the edge of the bed and leaned in against his chest. One arm held her, rubbing her back until she eventually stopped crying.

"Of course I was worried you idiot" She grumbled as she sat up cautiously, fearful of hurting him.

"I'm sorry" He apologised seriously, wishing it didn't hurt so much because he'd love to be able to sit up and kiss her.

"I love you... I need you, and I told you to stay safe" She concluded lightly as she leaned in, one soft kiss then another, because one was never enough. She laughed at the face he pulled when she sat back, lips puckered, eyes hopeful. Even as she shook her head she was moving closer, holding either side of his face she kissed him properly, interrupted after only a few seconds by the arrival of several doctors. One week and two months their predictions, one week in hospital, two months before he could return to work. Kelly seriously doubted it would take that long but he didn't say a word to the contrary with his wife present. Apparently his surgeon, Doctor Clark, didn't like the face he pulled, reminding him that she had been removing glass fragments from his back and sewing him back together just over an hour ago. He thanked her for doing her job then kept his eyes on his wife as the doctors poked, prodded and checked everything.

"Visiting hours end at six" Doctor Clark informed almost rudely as she left, the other doctors following.

"I don't like her" Kelly declared with a childish frown as their footsteps down the hall grew more distant.

"She saved your life" Erin reasoned with raised eyebrows, she didn't particularly like the surgeon either but couldn't help but defend her actions.

"I wasn't even close to… I was okay" He clarified softly, careful with his words because the last thing he wanted was to upset his wife again.

"Gabby said you passed out…" She countered with a playful smirk.

"That was because of blood loss" He defended seriously.

"Sure" She accepted, stroking his cheek and pulling a face as she fussed over him facetiously.

"I've just had surgery, aren't you supposed to be nice to me?" He complained, enjoying her hidden smile and relaxed posture, if she was happy to tease him she must have come to realise that he was okay and would continue to be.

"You've just had surgery, aren't you supposed to be quiet?" She questioned, holding her straight face for a second before laughing. It wasn't a witty response but she felt her concern lessening as she leaned in to hug him apologetically.

"How's Chase?" He enquired, remembering that he too had been hurt.

"He's fine, I sent him home" She answered softly, keeping her cheek pressed to his chest, listening to his heartbeat as she watched it on the monitor.

"Good" He sighed, supressing a yawn.

"Everyone else is out in the waiting room though… if you want" She offered gently as she sat up, combatting exhaustion before it overcame her.

"Yeah" He nodded after a moment. "What'd you tell Shay?"

"She's at home… I meant everyone from the firehouse, sorry" Erin apologised, feeling as if she was letting him down by denying his desire to see their daughter.

"No, that's good" He dismissed with a shrug. "Let 'em in for a few minutes" He requested, gesturing towards the door because he didn't actually know which way it was to the waiting room.

"Okay, I'll be back in a sec" She assured, pressing a kiss to his cheek and standing up.

"I'll wait here, quietly" He joked, raising his hand in a small wave.

"Oh really? Thank you!" She laughed, looking back at him over her shoulder before stepping into the corridor.

"She's smilin'!" Herrmann announced, clapping his hands as he spotted her.

"Fifth on the right" She informed as she turned around, she expected them to take a moment to follow but she ended up leading them to the correct room as they chattered excitedly. It was only a brief celebration and they kept it as quiet as possible for the other patients nearby, just checking that he was alright for peace of mind before heading home for the night. Boden stayed back for a word with Kelly while Christopher asked Erin if there was anything he or his wife could do to help out. She promised she'd ask for help if she needed it then returned his earlier hug thankfully. They were both grateful for their extended family but were glad to be left alone together. It only took a few moments for Erin to climb onto the hospital bed with her husband, cuddling into his side. She was tired but couldn't get to sleep, playing with his hands and kissing him repeatedly just because she could.

"Shh" Kelly requested in response to the knock at his door some time later, his wife had not long closed her eyes and he knew she desperately needed to sleep.

"How you doing?" Hank asked, his rough voice unable to really whisper.

"I'm okay" Kelly replied with a smile.

"How's she?" Hank posed next, gesturing to the sleeping woman.

"Better now I think, she was pretty freaked out" He answered honestly, brushing his lips across the top of her head.

"She loves you" Hank justified.

"I know, and I love her too" He affirmed, taking in her peaceful expression before looking to her father figure expectantly.

"I just found out, sorry" Hank apologised, if Erin had been hurt he'd have been the first one there, with Kelly though he had no way of knowing until word had reached him through the grape vine. Even if she wasn't the one injured she could have done with his support, Hank knew better than most how crazy she could drive herself not knowing about someone she loved. So his apology was really for both of them.

"I'm okay" Kelly reiterated, not seeing cause for anyone to stress or fuss.

"Do you want me to take her home?" Hank questioned, not sure either of them were comfortable as they were on the narrow bed.

"Uh…" He mumbled as he thought about it.

"She is not going anywhere" Erin informed, keeping her eyes closed but clearly wide awake. Neither man had any idea how long she'd been listening and exchanged looks that said as much.

"You still want me to take the girls then?" Hank adjusted, knowing he didn't stand a chance at changing her mind. He had been looking forward to spending time with his granddaughters, even if he knew it was going to be a lot of work.

"Please" She nodded, blinking against the harsh light before looking at him. She had completely forgotten about their plans for the night, it would be very convenient for Hank to take the girls. That way Erin could focus on her husband and Chase could rest up as well.

"No problem" He shook his head.

"I didn't pack for them…" Erin began, cut off by a look alone.

"I can pack a bag, you two take care" Hank finished, about to turn and walk out when he remembered something, pulling out his wallet and tossing a few green notes onto the table at the end of the bed.

"What's that for?" She questioned, confused by the gesture.

"A cab. In case you change your mind and want to go home for the night. I have your car" He explained sensibly.

"Okay" She accepted.

"Thanks for stopping by Hank" Kelly added, trying not to wince as he raised the arm on the sore side of his body to wave.

"Hope you feel better soon" The older man remarked genuinely.

"See he does like you" Erin whispered as she nuzzled her face against her husband's shoulder.

"Mhm" Kelly smiled smugly. "And I like you… Well actually I love you but you already knew that" He continued. "And I'm very sorry for not staying safe for you.."

"Not just for me" She asserted.

"For you… and the girls. I didn't think" He apologised, gazing deeply into her eyes.

"We were there this morning, the art gallery. I was wondering if those panels were supposed to move…" Erin shared with a sigh.

"You are not seriously blaming yourself for this?!" He demanded angrily, shifting no matter how much it hurt to give her a frustrated look.

"No!" She shook her head, that definitely wasn't what she had meant, she had just been marvelling at the coincidence.

"Good" He said as he relaxed, pulling her in close for a moment of silence.

"This is about as far from the night we had planned as possible, but at least we're still together" Erin mused sleepily.

"You don't have to stay" He informed, he didn't want her to leave but he didn't mind if she wanted to sleep somewhere more comfortable.

"I'm not going anywhere" She vowed. cupping his cheek. It was partially a lie, she'd have to find a bathroom sooner or later and some food or coffee would be nice at some point in the next twelve hours.

"S'pose we could make out a little then?" He suggested hopefully, leaning in until the tips of their noses touched.

"Are you sure that's okay?" She teased, pulling back because she didn't want to hurt him.

"Certain. Best medicine in the world" He winked, using the arm around her shoulders to hold her body against his as he kissed her hungrily.

**Happy endings... *sigh***

**Just a few little points of discussion:**

**I struggled to write Chase's mum because she's not a villain as such, just a difficult person... **

**Coming up with Chase's surname took me half an hour because I originally wanted to call him Chase Matthews but that's a character from Zoey101…!**

**No spoilers or anything but I'm really not liking the way they portray Severide in the show at the moment. Yes he's a womanizer but I think they're overdoing it and making him seem really shallow – "Oh look a pretty girl, gotta sleep with her"**

**On the other hand I love Christopher Herrmann, if you didn't already get that from the role he played in this Chapter :D **

**Now for the bad news: I ****really**** need just a little bit more of your patience, next week is my last week of uni for the year! And I have three assignments due so I won't be able to update :'( Once I've submitted them I'll have 3-4 months off to dedicate to writing! I can't wait to share what I have planned next for our Severide family but I have to prioritise uni... terrible timing given how long it's been between the last few updates. Your reviews are the best motivation for assignments and I'll be writing this and posting again as soon as I can! Thank you all for sticking around. **

**P.S – 10000 word chapters are easier to write than 2500 word essays :P**


	183. Chapter 183

**So that was a loooong 'week'… I finished uni *happy dance* then I discovered this magical thing called sleep :/ It's surprisingly important and something I've been skipping for a while. Please enjoy :D**

She could see it in his eyes and taste it on his lips, the powerful realisation that his actions were greater than himself. That one mistake, one shard of glass lodged just a little deeper, could have caused a pain more profound than any physical sensation. Like a rain drop into a puddle his actions had consequences, rippling over all the other droplets that had fused to form the pond, his family. He could tolerate pain and to a degree he could bear those he loved being in pain, but even thinking about the grief his death would cause hurt. It wasn't selfishness, anything but.

She could see that he was troubled and feel it in the way his heart was pounding beneath her fingertips. His eyes were darker than they had been just moments ago, they'd been watching the sunrise together through the tiny hospital window, hearts beating synchronously until the nurse had stepped in to note his vitals. Reality slamming into him with the force of that stupid metal panel when the nurse had made an offhanded remark about his wife being able to relax since he'd made it through the night. Erin had had plenty of time to contemplate her husband's mortality so the comment barely registered as anything more than insensitive small talk. Kelly immediately tensed though, too distracted to return her comforting kiss as the nurse left the room completely oblivious to the power of her words. He had known from the moment he had opened his eyes after surgery that his wife had been worried about losing him, it wasn't until that instant that he had truly comprehended what that meant though. What it would mean to those around him, the incredible woman at his side, their son, their little princesses and everyone beyond. He'd do anything, even give up his job, without hesitation just to stay with them and that challenged him. There was a time when his job had been the only thing keeping him going. That had changed, not recently though. And it wasn't that he hadn't had close calls and been injured in the past so he didn't fully understand this strange new feeling. "Sorry" He whispered huskily, he was responsible for the concerned frown she wore.

"What 'cha thinkin' 'bout?" She questioned, it wasn't yet six o'clock but they'd already been awake for over an hour and neither had spoken.

"You" He answered simply, giving her a small smile.

"Uhh?" She grumbled in complaint, frowning even more severely, she didn't want to be the cause of his obvious unease.

"I love you" He replied with an optimistic shrug, her head moving with his shoulder.

"That's not what you were thinking" She denied, letting her fingers drag as she shifted her hand from his chest to his cheek, tipping his chin down so he had to look at her.

"Why ask when you can read my mind?" He posed quizzically, not really wanting to talk about what he had just been thinking, he would prefer to distract her and himself with the peach sunrise. A sunrise he might never have seen.

"Hmm… Well in that case, don't waste your energy worrying about what could've happened, just get better for me" She requested finding the answer inside herself after searching his gaze.

"That's why I love you" He sighed, pressing his lips to her forehead as he tightened his hold around her waist.

"You really do have to get better, not just for me" She clarified seriously, thinking about their girls once again. Even though it had been the plan all along she felt bad about letting Hank take them overnight, especially when it was highly likely Shay was being difficult.

"Yeah" He nodded, just a little too dismissively for her liking.

"Promise me you'll do what the doctors say, don't rush it just for work" She urged, raising her eyebrows as she sat back.

"Work doesn't matter" He assured, shaking his head vigorously in the hope she would realise he hadn't even been thinking about it.

"Babe, I'm being serious" She complained.

"So am I" He protested. "I haven't even thought about work. I've been thinking about you, like I said!"

"You were thinking about me…" She returned tilting her head as she processed that in conjunction with the information she had deciphered from his look. "You were thinking about me…if…oh" She realised, tears welling in her eyes as she made the connection and considered that possibility. She couldn't even begin to speculate on how she would continue living if he hadn't.

"No" Kelly whispered, the last thing he wanted was for her to cry again.

"You were" She argued, swallowing hard as she regained control.

"Well yeah" He admitted, cupping her cheek despite the pain that caused, the strong medication he was on did nothing when his arm was raised, pulling at the stiches.

"Just get better" She concluded, kissing him lightly before sitting back and smiling. "I've had enough of hospitals."

"You don't have to eat hospital food for the next week" He teased, trying to keep the mood light.

"I'll make you food" Erin vowed, smoothing his hospital gown and pulling the blanket higher.

"I'm sure it won't be that bad…" He continued playfully.

"You would be surprised" A voice interjected from the doorway before Erin could speak. "And not in a good way" April finished, pulling a face at the thought of hospital food.

"April, hey" Kelly greeted, overlooking his wife's immature eye roll as his high school friend entered the room, April's comment suggesting she had been listening to their conversation.

"I'm on my way home, but since you're not I thought I'd bring you some coffee" April offered cheerfully, extending the Styrofoam cup towards Erin.

"Thanks" Erin accepted, slipping out from under the blanket and to her feet before taking the hot beverage.

"Where's mine?" Kelly demanded.

"You don't get any, you're supposed to be resting" April reminded, using the same tone she would with an uncooperative patient.

"I've rested" He contended with mock frustration, the doctors had upped the dosage of his pain medication to the point he hadn't have a choice in the matter.

"Rest some more then" April suggested, pulling a face.

"Hmph" Kelly exhaled sharply, frowning as he looked to his wife instead, she was sipping regularly at the steaming cup.

"Not bad" Erin informed the visitor, for hospital coffee it was actually incredibly good.

"Staffroom" April provided simply in explanation.

"Ahh, thanks" She repeated, appreciative of the thoughtful gesture.

"Least I can do" April shrugged, happy to conclude her checking in visit there. "Enjoy your breakfast" She added as she left, laughing at the face she knew Kelly would pull in response.

"That was nice" Erin commented, despite not having been keen on the woman's entrance she did have to acknowledge that April hadn't had to stop by, or bring coffee for that matter.

"You got coffee" Kelly muttered, trying not to let the pain show on his face as he crossed his arms.

* * *

"Grandpa needs coffee princess" Hank informed gently, trying to work Shay out from where she had burrowed under his arm. He had no idea what time the toddler had climbed into his bed, it hadn't been long enough after Ember had stopped screaming that he'd fallen back to sleep. And once she was there – worming her way in under the covers, spreading her limbs in every direction and taking up space like he could never have thought possible for someone barely three feet tall – sleep had become impossible. He simply wasn't used to sharing his sleep space, with anyone let alone a toddler in a cuddly mood.

"Ooh? I has coffeeees?" Shay questioned, sitting up on her knees and flipping the sheets back from over her face.

"Not a chance" He shook his head, throwing back the covers, uncovering her completely in the process. He yawned and rubbed at his eyes as he sat up, feet finding his slippers as the toddler flung herself at his back, her arms catching him around the neck, forcing his fist into his eye.

"But pleeeease" Shay whined directly into his ear, masking the sound of his groan as he moved his hand away from his now sore eye.

"Nope, coffee is for grown-ups" He justified, standing up and reaching an arm around to support her weight. He carried her along the hall, peeking into what had once been Erin's room to see Ember sleeping peacefully in the portable crib, while Shay formulated a response.

"I more growed up than Emmy-bear but" She reasoned as he nudged the door completely open and turned to head down the stairs.

"No" He shook his head, denying her attempt to negotiate for a caffeinated beverage rather than her argument directly.

"Yes am!" Shay growled, tugging at his ear in case he hadn't heard properly.

"No coffee" He reiterated firmly as he set her down on the kitchen floor.

"Why?" Shay huffed, crossing her arms as she watched him jab at the buttons of his coffee machine.

"You don't need coffee" He assured, making eye contact with the reflection of himself in the kitchen window, he sighed deeply and pawed at his hair until it lay flat giving himself an unimpressed scowl. He desperately needed coffee, black, strong and as soon as possible, the toddler was alert and argumentative, definitely not in need of coffee. Shay disagreed though, pouting as she sauntered across the room and cuddled around his leg, giving her best pleading look. "If I gave you coffee your Mama would get grumpy at me and she probably wouldn't let us have sleepovers anymore…" He reasoned seriously.

"I likes sleepin' wif you Papa Hanky" Shay accepted with a toothy grin and a squeeze of his leg.

"Not on me?" He questioned under his breath before bringing the steaming mug to his lips, scalding his tongue as he risked a sip for the sake of remaining conscious.

"Why?" The baffled toddler asked, scrunching up her face in confusion, she hadn't been able to make out the words but she knew he had said something. Tone and body language making her especially curious.

"Nothing, just Grandpa being grumpy" He dismissed, setting his mug down on the bench before lifting the toddler up to his hip. Shay snuggled into his side and apologised softly for making him grumpy, he denied it and she changed topic to the other cause.

"Emmy gonna be grump-grump allllll-day if she no Mama boobies" Shay predicted confidently, swinging her leg to point at the half empty bottle in the sink.

"You gave her her bottle, she's not hungry" He assured, though he'd seen the infant chug a bottle in a quarter of the time and suspected she could well be ready for another feed.

"But she no likes bottling. Mama boobies better-a" She explained, slapping her hand to his chest then giving him a disappointed look as she squeezed.

"Shay" He warned, shaking his head and trying to hold in laughter as he removed her groping hand. "Emmy didn't like her bottle last night because I didn't heat it up right" He admitted, not that he had realised that until he'd been forcing the thing into Ember's mouth for almost ten minutes.

"Why?" Shay frowned, thinking there had to be some reasoning behind her grandpa doing something so foolish.

"Because I didn't want to make it too hot and I wanted her to stop crying" He explained, reaching for his coffee again.

"But she didn't" Shay provided matter-of-factly.

"No she definitely did not" He confirmed with a nod and a pointed look.

"I no tell Mama 'bouts that…" She said, shaking her head a few times before giving him a mischievous smile. "Or coffees" She added reaching her hand toward the mug.

"Nice try" He snorted, seeing so much of the toddler's mother in her defeated look when he shook his head. "What do you want for breakfast?" He substituted, chuckling as the toddler grumbled.

"Pancake-waffle-pizzas!" Shay declared within seconds.

"Try again" He suggested.

"Cerereallll?" Shay posed lazily, usually perfectly capable of pronouncing the word, especially when she was talking about the type her father favoured.

"Good idea" He agreed, moving to the pantry to list the options for the toddler to choose. He didn't buy into the fancy sugary kinds, keeping his pantry stocked with the healthier choices: muesli, corn flakes, weetbix and plain rice bubbles.

"And 'nana" Shay requested once he'd listed the options and she'd settled on rice bubbles, she almost always did, something Hank put down to the colourful box.

"I don't have any banana" He shook his head, taking the cereal box and placing it next to his coffee on the bench. He almost dropped the bowl he had selected for the toddler when she replied explosively.

"What?!" She demanded in utter disbelief.

"I don't have any bananas sorry princess" He apologised, placing the bowl down next to the box.

"But… My Daddy buys me 'nanas alllllll the days" Shay shared as he retrieved the milk from the fridge.

"Well your Daddy didn't buy any for me, he probably took them all to your house and that's why there weren't any when I was shopping" He explained slowly as he set about fixing her breakfast with one hand.

"NO!" Shay screamed immediately at the accusation against her father.

"Shay" He tried to calm, it was clear from the way she was writhing in his hold that this was only the beginning of what she had to say on the matter.

"NO!" She repeated sternly, kicking and prodding until she was released. At which point she took a moment to plaster a fierce frown on her face and consider what words to use to communicate her disagreement. "My Daddy…" She paused to suck in a deep breath "Sicky-bear HOSTIBLE…NOT buy 'nanas!" She informed, punctuating her statement with a firm kick to his shin. When he didn't respond, but for a mildly unamused look, she got even angrier. "You mean Grampy Hanky… you the meanie-est!" She announced, turning on her heels and stomping from the room.

"Shay, come back here please" He requested almost immediately, taking her bowl of cereal and placing it on the table as he moved to follow her.

"No, you too mean. I go home now" Shay replied, having reached the front door.

"But you haven't had breakfast" Hank tried to negotiate, thankful for his excessive security measures. The toddler stood no chance of getting out the front door regardless of how many times she twisted the doorknob.

"I no WANT you breakfast! I want Daddy 'nanas!" She shouted back, concluding that the door wasn't going to open she changed direction yet again, pushing past him on her way to the back door.

"I'm sorry Shay" He apologised before she reached it, it probably wasn't even locked to start with and she'd get through with ease.

"No you not… I Daddy now!" Shay announced as she pulled the door open. Hank bent and wrapped an arm around her middle, preventing her escape. She wouldn't go far but he would much rather contain her little meltdown in the house. Shay screamed, the type of piercing scream he associated with broken bones and terrible injury. He scooped her up but she was far from cooperative, going completely limp such that he almost dropped her then lashing out in a flurry of limbs, fingernails and teeth. "DADDY!"

"Okay" Hank muttered to himself as he took a fist to the eye for the second time that day, keeping a secure hold of the toddler as she thrashed and screamed. It was such a strong reaction that he questioned how much she understood about her father's absence. If nothing else it was obvious she was hell bent on seeing him, hospitalisation and injury or not.

"DA-DDY" She screeched in two distinct sobs, still savagely hitting out at every opportunity she got.

"Shay you need to calm down" He informed, shutting the back door and flicking the lock before carrying her back to the entrance. Perhaps it was because she could tell how serious he was or maybe she had just exhausted herself but she quieted almost instantly as he set her down on the third stair.

"I want dada" She squeaked in a tiny, pathetic, whimpering whisper.

"I know" He acknowledged sympathetically, crouched in front of her. "After breakfast" He added when her big blue eyes met his, watering profusely.

"I. No. Hun-gry" Shay snapped, turning away but keeping her backside firmly planted on the step.

"Alright" He accepted much to her surprise. "You can sit here until you are hungry. I'm going to go have my breakfast so that I can go visit your Dad" He explained concisely before standing up and walking away. It had been his go to approach when parenting, a few words then backing away and letting them stew until he felt they'd punished themselves adequately. He didn't necessarily think she deserved any form of punishment, in fact he felt that she what she deserved was a cuddle with her father, that wasn't an option though and she needed to learn that violent tantrums weren't going to get her what she wanted.

"Hhgh" Shay sighed dramatically as she flopped down across the step, making sure he heard the thud of her skull meeting the wood.

* * *

**I don't feel that this is a 'complete' chapter (#likefatherlikedaughter) but I really wanted to get something posted so you know that I'm still here, plodding (or rather plotting) away :P **

**I have also decided that I'm not going to put a lot of pressure on the whole Chapter 200 Erin's return to work thing – I've looked back on ALL my writing so far and as much as I've improved the choices I regret the most are where I've skipped time to meet chapter deadlines (which I stupidly put upon myself). Anyway, if I'm posting daily (which is the plan, though it might take me a few days to build up some chapters) I'll write and upload what I can and go from there. **

**Are shorter but more frequent chapters your preference? I know that that's what I prefer when I read fics but do let me know… In a review ;)  
**

**I've missed you all and this part of my life so much and I'm incredibly glad to be back, feels like coming home :D xox**


	184. Chapter 184

"Daddy" Shay sighed into his chest, cuddling closer, little hands clutching the fabric of his hospital gown so tightly that Kelly knew she had been worried about him. He didn't understand two and a half year old brains well enough to know whether that worry was directly related to his hospitalisation, or if it had manifested into fear but either way he was glad to have her in his arms and keen to dispel the negative emotions. He moved his hand in slow rubbing motions up and down her back and pressed loving kisses to her temple, doing everything he could think of to ease her mind. "Love you" Shay whispered for his ears only, snuggling closer if that was possible.

"Mmm" Kelly replied, using his thumb to brush her hair aside before kissing her temple yet again, the tiny, soft hairs beneath his lips reminded him of her sparse newborn fuzz. "Love you too baby girl" He returned, bringing his hand all the way up her back to cradle her head as he angled it for eye contact.

"Dada" Shay smiled, placing a hand on his stubbly cheek as if to check that he was really there, that it was really him.

"Princess" He answered with a wink, so absorbed in the moment, enjoying the physical contact with his daughter, that he was missing a conversation between his wife and father-in-law. Erin had taken one look at little Ember before taking her in her arms and beginning to feed the infant. She settled on the plastic chair and tugged a pale blue muslin wrap from the diaper bag to cover herself. They'd exchanged few words beyond his questioning about Kelly's condition and hers regarding when the baby had eaten last. Hank had dropped the diaper bag next to the chair before backing away towards the door, standing equidistant between it and the hospital bed, as if he didn't really feel he fit there. And he didn't, both parents were intently fussing over a child, it wasn't the right time to do the same with his girl though. He would have to check in with her if he got the chance to do so alone a little later, gauging her emotional status and using that information to render further assistance.

She was talking to her baby, stroking Ember's cheek and hair as best she could while feeding, holding her and remaining covered. It was only the five of them in the room but it still felt distinctly public, anyone could walk in at any minute. Kelly obviously felt the same or he wouldn't have been whispering quite so softly to Shay in their own special bonding moment. Hank sighed loudly, not intentionally, it was a sign of his exhaustion and desire to get back to bed or at least to get another cup of coffee. They both heard and recognised what he had communicated, Erin looking across and giving him a thin smile. "Thank you" She began, eyes filled with the gratitude she wanted to communicate. She hadn't had a great night either, it had been almost entirely sleepless, but she knew how much more difficult it would have been if she'd had to go home and look after the girls. "I hope they weren't too much trouble?" Her rising inflection made it a question, one she'd been meaning to ask given his manner towards Shay when they'd arrived.

"Not at all" He shook his head, she didn't need to know that what had started out as a tantrum over a banana had become a full on toddler meltdown to the point that he'd had packed the girls into the car with every intention of performing a drop and run at the hospital. He thought it would reflect badly on him if that came out though, not that he hadn't done his best to understand and minimize Shay's distress. He hadn't been able to bring himself to leave though, not after seeing Erin, the same fears Shay had evident in her creased forehead.

"Thank you" She accepted sceptically, deciding she could question him further later.

"Kid" He urged, his eyes flicking to Kelly and Shay, indication that that was where she should be directing her attention. "What's the plan?" He enquired, stepping closer and placing his hand on her shoulder, massaging tense muscles with his thumb. She gave him a confused glance, not quite understanding the scope of his question, he could be asking about the next five minutes, the next week or the month or so of recovery Kelly had ahead; that was what she was thinking about. "Well you can't stay here forever" He expanded softly. If it was helpful he would take the girls home with him again without argument but he wanted her to think of herself as well. She looked like she needed a solid meal, some decent sleep, a shower and a change of clothes.

"I don't know" She shrugged, she hadn't put much energy into thinking about it up until that point, even though she'd had plenty of time to do so.

"Five" Chase announced as he stopped in the doorway, pointing and peering in then smiling when he recognised his family, all forgetting what they had been doing to look his way. Nadia stepped out from behind him and they entered the room together, her hand captured in his when they halted at the end of the bed. "Morning" Chase greeted softly, getting a good look at Kelly since he'd never seen him that unwell before, pale and sickly, a shadow of the man he was used to seeing.

"Morning" Kelly returned, trying to sound normal, relaxed. The tension seemed to have followed the young man into the room.

"How you feeling?" Chase questioned quickly, giving his father figure a conflicted look somewhere between guilt and concern. He couldn't maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds.

"Fine, I'll be fine" Kelly guaranteed confidently, feeling uncomfortable as the center of attention, he hated the way they were all worrying about him. Even Hank looked off, though Kelly was confident that wasn't entirely because of him.

"Okay" Chase nodded but his uncertain look remained, awkward silence extending as Kelly inspected the younger man closely. He hadn't seen Chase nibble at his bottom lip and scrub sweaty palms on his pants since his first shift on the squad, when he'd been understandably nervous.

"Come here" Kelly croaked, his attempt to add volume failing. Nobody moved except for the toddler on his lap, Shay kissed his hand as she pulled out of his arms, crawling to the end of the bed before rolling herself over and lowering feet to the floor. Kelly made a beckoning gesture, Chase the only one still watching him. The others had diverted their attention to Shay. Taking a deep breath Chase released Nadia's hand and moved around the bed, ruffling Shay's hair as they passed each other. Shay was headed for the doorway while Chase had frozen at Kelly's elbow. The older man repeated the gesture and Chase stepped even closer, leaning down into the hug Kelly offered with his continuing motions.

"Shay" Erin warned, tearing her gaze from her boys being sensitive to see the toddler at the doorway, head poking out to look along the corridor. Hank moved because Erin couldn't and wasn't, missing the atrocious face her daughter pulled at him because she was thoroughly enjoying the going on a minute long hug.

"I'm fine…'s not your fault" She heard Kelly finish as Chase straightened, and found it hard to know where to look. Ember had stopped sucking, Hank had Shay by the hand and was pulling her back into the room and she didn't fully understand what was happening between her son and her husband. Kelly's words suggested the young man was blaming himself but she'd made sure Chase knew that he wasn't responsible, in her opinion at the very least, from the beginning. It wasn't until after he had left the hospital that she had heard a thorough recount, confirming exactly what she knew, it had been an accident. Or two separate accidents really, unforeseeable and uncontrollable. "How are you feeling?" Kelly questioned, indicating the sling. Erin was sitting Ember up and straightening her shirt while listening keenly, awaiting a response.

"I made him fill his prescription, pain meds, and he's doing better since" Nadia divulged when Chase didn't answer immediately. "Rough night though…" The look Chase gave her told her to stop speaking.

"Join the club" Kelly joked half-heartedly, though he had probably slept the most out of all of them, including Shay and Ember.

"You should be resting" Erin contributed, giving her son a look of motherly concern, she felt bad not to have checked in with him, instead focusing all her energy on her husband. She was sure that if she'd asked a nurse she would have been able to contact him, her mobile phone still missing.

"I had to come see him" Chase reasoned softly, giving her an apologetic smile before looking to Kelly for approval. The older man nodded, both communicating and agreeing that Erin had been under enough stress but that Chase had done the right thing in visiting. With Kelly in no position to counteract that it was up to Chase to do what he was told so as not to become any more of a stressor. It was bad enough that Nadia had already said something about his reluctance to take the medication. He was capable of taking care of himself but that wasn't how it had come across.

"Well you've seen me now. And I'm fine, head home" Kelly instructed, something he couldn't communicate wordlessly. The next part was harder but he made himself take a deep breath first, turning to his wife. "You too." Erin's eyes blazed, brows knitting before she gave an almost imperceptible shake of the head, she would have protested further had she not just gotten Ember to close her eyes. She hoped it was enough of a denial that he wouldn't push it.

"We only just got here…" Nadia contended, having watched the reaction of her boyfriend and then her mentor, Chase accepting but obviously reluctant, Erin refusing but also reluctant to do so overtly. "I mean, if you're not feeling well we'll go" She softened. "But we thought it would be nice to keep you company…just for a bit" She finished, holding eye contact with Kelly, a man she didn't know nearly as well as she had had opportunity to, spending time in his house regularly but never having in-depth conversations with. They were acquaintances more than anything, talking about weather and sports instead of more meaningful topics and that made it hard for her to judge his response so she looked to Erin instead. Erin appeared to be trying not to have an opinion on the matter, eyes firmly fixed on the sleeping baby's face until Nadia's stare, boring into the back of her head, forced her to look away to remain impartial. Of course she wanted to stay, and Nadia wasn't arguing on her behalf, but she could feel her husband watching her just as closely.

"Shay, back in here please" Erin requested, she had had to say something, the pressure along with four pairs of eyes were on her, so she had brought up the toddler's impending escape from the room. Hank sighed, blinking a few times in a way that indicated he had been lost in his own mind, then moved to retrieve Shay.

"How long are they saying you need to stay?" Nadia asked Kelly, trying to get the conversation back on track since no one else seemed willing to address her statement; they hadn't moved to leave though so she felt she had their support.

"A week" He answered softly, looking to his wife, he wanted out already but knew he wasn't physically able.

"Weekend" Shay offered hopefully, about to expand on her thinking by asking what day it was when Hank spoke.

"And how long until you get back to work?"

"Hank" Erin snapped, shaking her head disapprovingly as she gave him a glare.

"About a month, give or take" Kelly replied, an even more depressing acknowledgement.

"At least a month" Erin clarified for the sake of being thorough, she could sympathise with her husband but she needed him to recover fully so he wouldn't be injured as soon as he got back to work.

"You're on 75% pay?" Hank enquired next, keeping Shay in his peripheral vision as he took a step forward to speak more directly to the man in the hospital bed. Erin sighed loudly and frowned pointedly but didn't have a chance to respond verbally.

"Depends, the department'll have to do an investigation, if I was at fault it's nothing…or my bugle" Kelly explained, it was possible but not very likely. In that moment he didn't care about his return to work he just wanted to be well enough to get out of hospital.

"You didn't do anything wrong" Erin comforted, taking her husband's hand as she shifted forward in the chair, having straightened her singlet and wrapped the light wrap around Ember to shield her from the chill of the air conditioning as she slept.

"Financially, you'll manage a month? Or more without an income?" Hank pressed, the motive behind his questioning becoming more apparent, not concern for Kelly but their lifestyle during a prolonged period with no income.

"Hank" Erin complained again, she was conflicted between living in the moment, something she always felt the need for following a close call, and thinking long term as he was.

"We'll be fine" Kelly dismissed, trying to do some approximate maths with impaired concentration since the pain relief seemed to be wearing off, they could manage a month if they were careful.

"The department won't pay your medical bills if they find you at fault" Hank remarked in case Kelly wasn't aware that was how it worked.

"Yeah" He nodded, he understood but couldn't help but feel less than confident. The department were thorough but he knew recent budget cuts meant they were more likely than ever to do everything in their power to blame him and keep their money.

"I can contribute more…" Chase suggested after clearing his throat. Erin was surprised until her gaze left her husband's face and she saw Hank eyeing the young man intimidatingly.

"Dad, stop!" Erin commanded, she could see that he was trying to implement his rational, logical problem solving approach to the situation but it just felt like he was interfering.

"He needs to know that this affects all of you" Hank rationalised, pretending not to have involved Chase at all as he turned back to Kelly and raised his eyebrows. Erin was so close to asking him to leave that she literally bit her tongue to avoid saying something she would regret. She scanned the faces of the people in the room, holding eye contact with each for a few seconds, they were a family, they needed to act like one and they weren't. She wasn't sure what that would normally involve in this particular situation, they had the worry element but lacked an atmosphere of love and togetherness that she supposed could promote healing. Hostility and distractions meant that none of the others looked willing to contribute that, even Shay was making for the door again.

"Shay, please!" Erin requested exasperatedly, the toddler had initially seemed so eager to see her father but the way she kept trying to leave indicated her interest had waned.

"But…" Shay began to argue when yet again her grandfather interrupted.

"Don't take it out on her" Hank cautioned.

"Could you just be a little more considerate?" Erin demanded, he might not have any emotional reaction but her husband had nearly died, impeding her ability to think long term. His persistence to do just that and appear unfazed by the possible alternative outcome was increasingly aggravating. "We are well aware of the implications" She continued, she knew her husband had spent most of the morning mulling over the impact his actions had on his family, not strictly thinking of the future though. She didn't expect Hank to know that but when he looked to Shay instead of actively listening she wanted to explode with rage. "Shay what are you doing?!" She questioned frustratedly, the toddler was acting very strangely, darting back and forth in two and three step bursts between where Hank had led her and the doorway. The toddler whimpered and froze, facing her mother with big, horrified eyes. Erin looked her daughter up and down then gave a gentle and encouraging nod before letting her eyes drift down again, attempting to decipher what was wrong. That was when she noticed the fabric of Shay's apricot orange leggings darkening between her legs, moisture spreading out and down. "Oh."

"Oops" Chase breathed, trying to comfort the toddler as he reacted to and processed the highly uncharacteristic behaviour. Shay had never wet her pants as far back as he could remember and he had moved in only shortly after she'd been toilet trained.

"Mama!" Shay blurted in a half-sob, looking only at her mother even though she could feel every other pair of eyes in the room on her.

"It's okay" Erin said as she stood, handing Ember to Kelly who didn't really understand what was going on. He was unable to sit up far enough to see more than the toddler's face without causing considerable pain, trusting his wife could handle whatever it was he focused on the sleeping baby for a moment.

"I toi-wet" Shay informed as tears threatened to spill, shoving her hand down into the front of her pants with a bewildered look on her face.

"Yeah" Erin nodded as she scooped the toddler up, careful to hold her under the arms and knees so that she wasn't in contact with wet fabric.

"I've got clean clothes in the car, I'll get something" Hank volunteered, keys jangling in his hand as he followed her to the doorway.

"Thanks" Erin acknowledged, looking either way to orient herself before stepping out into the corridor, the nearest bathroom was at the far end, around a corner. "Come on bub" She mumbled as they started in that direction.

"I big girl!" Shay moaned loudly, letting her head flop back as she contemplated the disastrous situation. She knew it was wrong but she hadn't been able to find a toilet or ask for one with everyone preoccupied arguing, that didn't mean that they'd missed the most embarrassing moment of her life to date, they all seemed to give her attention then.

"Shh, I know" Erin comforted, finding it hard to carry the distressed toddler. "It was an accident" She assured as she turned to push the bathroom door open with her shoulder, trying to return the smile of the nurse who was walking past. Once they were in the large, wheelchair access bathroom Erin set down the toddler and locked the door. She didn't know what to say or do so she removed the toddler's shoes and peeled off the wet leggings and saturated Dora the Explorer underpants before lifting the toddler onto the toilet.

"I sorry Mama" Shay said seriously, no longer upset now that it was just the two of them. She wiped her damp hand down the front of her shirt as she gave her mother an ashamed look and waited for a response.

"I'm sorry too Shay" She sighed, leaning forward from where she was crouched to kiss the toddler's forehead. "I'm really sorry" She added, feeling like she had given up being a good mother in order to be a good wife. It was possible to do both but she hadn't been, wasn't, in fact it felt a whole lot like she was failing both roles and letting everyone around her down. Thinking of herself as some sort of victim and making up excuses.

"Why?" Shay asked, reaching for her mother's face to comfort her. Erin took the little hand and squeezed it tightly, blinking away tears at the realisation her little girl was worried about her.

"Because Mama should have listened to you" She explained as she released the toddler's hand and stood, turning away for a second to retrieve a wet wipe from the container next to the sink. The nurses probably left them there because they used them with certain patients but it was very convenient to Erin who wiped over her hand then the toddler's. With another wipe she cleaned the toddler thoroughly, trying to distract the toddler by singing a nursery rhyme softly.

"Erin" Hank's rough voice called, coupled with a knock on the door to gain her attention.

"Thanks" She nodded as she accepted the plastic bag of clothes through the smallest possible opening of the door.

"She okay?" He questioned, examining what little he could see of the room behind her, including the face of the half-naked and embarrassed toddler.

"She's fine" Erin answered as she closed the door, focus shifting back to the toddler. "Ooh, your rainbow pants!" She showed off cheerfully as she pulled the pants from the bag along with a clean pair of underwear and a shirt as well. The bright colours alone made her feel happier.

"I choosed 'em for Grampy Hanky tomorrow" Shay explained, taking the underwear her mother offered. She attempted to put them on but needed help to balance since her usual strategy was to sit or lie down.

"Really? I think you should wear them now" Erin encouraged though she suspected Shay had meant to use the word yesterday, confusing the words with her wonky two year old sense of time. "They're Daddy's favourite" She added, an unsubstantiated claim that she hoped would work as extra motivation.

"Daddy-Chasey haded accident" Shay asserted in an attempt to process what had happened.

"Yeah" Erin nodded, pulling the shirt up and over the toddler's head, it was at that point that she realised why Hank had put the clothes in a plastic shopping bag. Thanking him mentally as she gave Shay the clean shirt and put the wet clothing into the bag.

"Them hurted but" Shay noted, trying to understand how the same word applied to her and them in this instance.

"There are lots of different types of accidents Shay, and it's not naughty or bad to have an accident. An accident is something you don't choose or control, they just happen" Erin explained gently, tying the bag closed and washing her hands as the toddler fussed about, tugging and straightening her new outfit.

"You no accident but" Shay sighed, pointing out that her mother didn't have accidents while contemplating the fact that she had never seen any of them have the type of accident she had.

"Mama has accidents, when I burn my fingers or spill something that's an accident" Erin justified, lifting the toddler with an arm around her waist to allow her wash her hands. They were technically clean but she thought it was important to maintain the toileting routine she had taught Shay.

"Car accident" Shay muttered, looking up from the soap froth to make eye contact with her mother. Erin had been finger combing her hair, in what she knew was a futile attempt to not look like she had slept in a hospital, but froze at the comment gaze drifting to the barely visible silver scar.

"Yeah, that's another type, I had one of those. Do you remember?" She enquired coolly, turning the toddler around in her arms after discarding the paper towels, cuddling her tightly as she remembered. Accidents accounted for the majority of hospitalizations within their family.

"It home time now?" Shay posed after a long pause, good indication that she didn't remember, a blessing according to Erin.

"Yeah, I think that would be a good idea baby" She sighed, opening the bathroom door and stepping back out into reality.

"I big girl!" Shay protested immediately, squirming to be freed in a show of independence despite having quite enjoyed the time with her mother. The circumstances had made the relatively short separation from her parents more difficult than longer ones in the past.

"Sorry, you wanna walk big girl?" Erin offered as she put Shay down.

"I run" The toddler answered, eyes alight with the thrill of proving herself, rushing off down the corridor as quickly as her little legs could carry her.

"Don't go too far" Erin warned as Shay neared the door to Kelly's room, beginning to catch up with the toddler who had slowed following the warning.

"Daddy! It home time" Shay announced boldly as she entered the room, trusting that since it was no longer on her mind the others would have forgotten the incident as well. She had interrupted their conversation but they all looked thankful for that fact, smiling welcomingly at the little girl.

"I thought we might…if you're okay… just for a lunch and a nap..." Erin reasoned uncertainly, looking to her husband from the moment she entered the room. He looked awful but content, lovingly cradling their small, sleeping daughter.

"Yeah that's fine" He nodded, voice low and soft. "I'm just going to learn to use the TV and sleep for a bit" He shrugged with as little actual movement as was possible, gesturing to the flat screen mounted in the corner, perhaps the only part of the drab room he didn't loathe already.

"No" Shay shook her head, almost tripping over her own feet in her hurry to the side of the bed, tugging the blanket off him as she tried to use it to climb up.

"What's wrong bub?" Erin asked, moving quickly to assist the toddler; more sensitive, attuned and attentive to Shay's desires.

"No! Daddy you home right now!" Shay commanded firmly, sounding much like her mother as she shook her finger at him, crawling up his legs to sit on his lap.

"Daddy has to stay here baby girl" Kelly explained gently, hoping she could see that he didn't want to.

"No" Shay repeated dejectedly, using her bottom lip to try to persuade him otherwise.

"Just until I get better" He qualified, pushing on before she could ask when that would be and, he predicted, before an extensive conversation on the definition of 'soon'. "Do you want a goodbye cuddle?" He questioned consolingly. Ember's head was supported by the elbow on the damaged side of his body, leaving his good arm free to embrace the toddler if he was careful she didn't end up too near the edge of the narrow bed. "You be good for Mama" Kelly requested in a whisper to his eldest daughter as her arms tightened around his neck, holding on in a way that suggested she didn't ever want to let go. She did eventually though, kissing him half a dozen times before turning to her mother and extending her arms. Erin settled the toddler on her hip and looked to her husband, brainstorming the best thing to say to him.

"I missing you 'ready Dada" Shay informed sadly, clinging to her mother since she was the closest alternative.

"I'll see you later, promise" He assured, biting the inside of his cheek to contain a yawn.

"Lub ya" Shay remembered to add as she was jostled slightly, Erin handing the plastic bag to Hank.

"Love you too princess" Kelly returned, wishing he could go home with them.

"I love you too" Erin smiled, kissing his cheek as she leaned down to take Ember from his arms.

"Mhm, and I love you too" He whispered back, certain that his wife's kisses and cuddles with his daughters were better for him than any medicine doctors could prescribe. "Get some sleep and try not to worry about me" He instructed, as she gave him a questioning look, he rapidly forced the wishful thinking from his mind to satisfy her curiosity.

"Bye-bye" She murmured, the lump in her throat growing by the second as she tried not to get emotional for the sake of their children. Chase in particular had concern etched in the premature crinkling and creasing of his face.

"We'll be home soon, is there anything you need us to pick up?" The young man asked quietly.

"Something easy for dinner… I think we're low on diapers and milk…" Erin listed as she thought hard, feeling put on the spot as her mind transitioned from her husband's needs to those of the girls and everyone else.

"Sure, text me if you think of anything else" Chase accepted calmly, turning to watch her as she slowly made her way further and further from the bed and the man she loved in it.

"Come here kiddo" Hank uttered as he reached for Shay, he had collected the diaper bag and was waiting at the doorway for her.

"Ma!" The toddler screamed before his fingertips even touched her.

"I've got her" Erin dismissed, kissing the side of the toddler's head as she burrowed into her side.

"I'll take Em then" He amended, hands moving with a renewed sense of purpose.

"I'm fine" She denied, tightening her hold on the infant. "Thank you" She added, not wanting him to think he had done anything wrong, she just needed her girls. They made her stronger.

"I'll drop you off at home then I'll come back and sit with him" Hank told her as they made their way through the maze of a parking lot a few minutes later.

"You don't have to do that" She replied, more than a little confused at the prospect of her grouchy, sleep deprived father figure keeping her husband company simply because he wanted to. Sure if she had asked she knew he would do it, but she hadn't, she felt that asking him to look after the girls overnight had been more than enough.

"Yeah I do. I know you, you won't sleep otherwise" He rationalised, opening the door then taking Ember. There was no way Erin could get both girls into the car by herself and the sleeping baby was less likely to react negatively.

"Mmm" She accepted barely audibly when she slipped into the passenger seat, having thought long and hard about the statement. It served to remind her that at times he still knew her better than she knew herself.

"You'll feel better once you've slept and had something to eat" Hank advised softly, leaning across the central console to cup her cheek and look her in the eye. "I'm here for whatever you need kid" He added, leaning further still to kiss her forehead before pulling away entirely and starting the engine.

"Thank you" Erin sighed as she sank into the seat, holding the seat belt with both hands to keep them from shaking and giving away how completely out of control she felt. The drive home was the hardest part, silent time for thinking. Hank made them lunch when they arrived and supervised Erin until she'd eaten a quarter of her sandwich, having stayed for almost an hour he conceded she wasn't hungry and sent her up to bed. Both girls were drowsy, Ember dozing for ten to fifteen minutes before searching for her mother's breast while Shay refused to fall asleep. Erin pulled the curtains and set up Frozen on the laptop, curling up in bed with her daughters either side. By the time the fourth song in the movie began all three were fast asleep.

**Thanks for reading :D **


	185. Chapter 185

"'Nana, 'nana-na 'nana-na-na" Shay was singing joyfully, the first sound Erin heard as she gradually regained consciousness, feeling simultaneously refreshed and in need of more sleep. Shay fell silent as her mother began to stir beside her, Erin rolling from her stomach – a position she only ever slept in when completely exhausted – to her side. "'Nana Mama?" Shay offered enthusiastically rising onto her knees and leaning against her mother's back to try to find her face.

"Mmm?" Erin groaned, not quite comprehending the question as her senses suddenly prickled at something else in their space. Something that couldn't possibly be real, she could have sworn she was hearing her husband's deep rumbling breathing from the other side of the bed. As she went to roll over to prove to herself that she was imagining the noise fear struck her again, she had no idea where Ember was. She had been so exhausted that co-sleeping most definitely hadn't been a sensible decision, the baby that had been on her left side was missing from the small space between her body and the edge of the bed. She could easily have rolled, or been pushed, off. The rude awakening had her heart pounding in her chest and she found herself completely alert by the time she had repositioned to face in the opposite direction. Before she could fully take in her surroundings a slimy lump of banana was being forced at her face by the toddler dominating her field of vision.

"'Nana!" Shay announced proudly as she mashed the chunk of banana, wiping it from the corner of her mother's mouth before pressing it into her lips.

"Shay!" Erin complained as best she could, though speaking meant she ended up with most of the banana in her mouth, not that she had had a chance to identify the food properly at that point.

"Mama, 'nana" Shay informed again, pulling her hand back in response to the negative reaction. She held up the rest of the fruit as proof, mangled and barely attached to the yellowy-brown peel, breaking off a chunk and popping it into her mouth with exaggerated lip smacking noises to evidence that it tasted good – something her father often did to encourage her to try new foods. Erin had begun to chew and quickly swallowed the piece of banana before pushing herself upright. Chase occupied the other side of the bed, sleeping soundly with his injured arm positioned diagonally across his chest, and Ember was propped up in a sitting position against his hip. The baby held a hunk of banana in her fist, sucking it hungrily while dribbling excessively down the front of her onesie. "'Nana" Shay repeated taking another piece for herself before thrusting the sad looking remnants of fruit and peel at her mother. Erin took it, if only to keep it from being shoved in her face, and leaned heavily back against the headboard. She discarded the banana peel to the bedside table, where she saw the laptop lid closed and turned off, before lifting Ember up against her chest. Prying the banana from her tiny hand proved difficult, the baby fussing as she refused to let go, the soft fruit squelching out between her fingers the more she tried to keep hold of it.

"Okay, you can keep it" Erin concluded, raising her hand in surrender she watched Ember draw the fruit back up to her mouth, sucking in the lumps created by her fingers.

"Em-bear 'nana" Shay stated, pointing just in case her mother was too sleepy to have noticed that her baby sister was eating banana.

"You gave Emmy some banana?" She posed to the toddler. Ember was clearly enjoying the new eating experience, though it didn't appear particularly effective with her simple sucking motion

"She shared" Shay answered, trying to convince her mother that the baby had been responsible.

"Oh" Erin accepted somewhat sceptically.

"You know Gampy-Hank no 'nana!" The toddler changed the subject, fearful of the repercussions of giving her baby sister real food when she was only supposed to have milk.

"Mmm" Erin murmured in acknowledgement, rubbing her hand over her face to try to bring back the wakefulness since she was already feeling tired again.

"Sorry I not shared you my 'nana Mama, Emmy eated it all" Shay explained animatedly, looking to her baby sister then back to her mother. Her mother wasn't paying her much attention, heavy-lidded eyes directed toward Chase instead.

"Mhm" She nodded, smiling at the toddler before reaching across to the young man, he looked so young and innocent when he slept that she couldn't help but smooth his hair back affectionately. She'd have to remember to nag him to get it cut when he was feeling better. It was clear that he needed sleep for his body to heal though, the moist trail of saliva extending from the corner of his mouth indicated he had passed out just as she had.

"Mama?" Shay questioned, smearing the banana slime from her fingers down the front of her shirt before shuffling forward slightly.

"Yeah baby?" Erin replied, withdrawing her hand from Chase's hair and wrapping it around the toddler instead, pulling Shay's small body tight against her side.

"Chasey sicky-bear" Shay sighed, fighting her mother's hold momentarily to gesture at him.

"Mmm" She agreed softly, pressing a kiss to the top of Shay's head as the toddler settled back. "Chase and Daddy are sicky-bears but we'll look after them, won't we?" She added, already trying to think of the best way to do that. It would be so much easier if she could be in two places at once, caring for both men and her daughters over the next week was going to be more than one person was capable of but she was going to try her best.

"'Course! An' cuddle 'em lots, wif kissies" Shay enthused, looking up to her mother for approval.

"Like this?" Erin asked as she squeezed the toddler tightly, bending to pepper kisses across her face.

"No!" Shay protested loudly, Ember echoing her with a shriek at after a barely a second of delay. "More gentler 'cause them hurty" She explained seriously, sitting up and demonstrating a more appropriate way to cuddle on her little sister. Ember was concentrating on patting the remaining banana from her open palm onto her mother's singlet and barely noticed her sister's gentle arms sliding around her.

"That's a good idea" Erin praised lightly with a small smile, eager to discourage the baby but unable to do so as Shay lifted her arm and pulled it back around herself, nestling into her side. Erin enjoyed the moment, taking a few deep breaths as she paused to consider how lucky she was, even with her husband in hospital she was surrounded by loving family. "Sorry" She whispered, feeling his eyes on her before she looked over to him, continuing to hold Shay with her elbow so that she could place her hand on his shoulder. "Go back to sleep" She ordered quietly, a yawn escaping his lips before he could respond.

"I'm okay Mum" Chase offered hoarsely as he moved to sit up, supporting all his weight with his uninjured arm. He took a minute to find his bearings, wiping the drool from his chin with the back of his hand. "I hope this is okay" He added, gesturing largely at himself though it was clear he was referring to the space he occupied. "I just wanted…I wanted to be with you guys" He explained, yawning again before looking to her for assurance, he needed to know that it was alright for him to have climbed into bed with them.

"How much sleep did you get?" She questioned, no matter the answer he gave she could tell he needed more. Nadia had said he hadn't slept well because he hadn't taken the pain killers he'd been prescribed and she wondered if she should ask him about them.

"I'm fine" He reiterated firmly, able to tell that she wanted to say something more. "You still look tired" He countered, raising his eyebrows to challenge her as he turned his head to look at her, smiling then immediately frowning. "Ew, what is that?" He demanded, pointing to the chunky brown pureed banana Ember was playing with on her shirt.

"Banana" She answered flatly, unfazed because Ember seemed to be having fun.

"Right" He nodded, face remaining screwed up in disgust.

"Chasey" Shay called to him, pushing out from her mother's hold to crawl across to him, being very cautious as she snuggled into his chest.

"Hey princess, what 'cha doing?" Chase greeted energetically, wincing as he moved his sore arm so that he could hug Shay with the other. Thankfully Erin was too busy assessing the damage done to her shirt to see his look of pain.

"We had nap" Shay provided simply.

"You had a nap? I thought you were going to watch a movie" He replied, expression changing with each syllable to keep the toddler interested. He had devised a plan and was working on putting it into action using the power of suggestion.

"Frozen!" Shay informed, still as enthralled by the movie as she had been the first time she saw it.

"Oh, I love that one! We should watch Frozen while Mummy has a shower…" He suggested, looking to Erin questioningly since he already had Shay on side.

"You saying I smell?" Erin asked, feigning offense.

"Yeah, like hospital" He deadpanned, knowing it wasn't funny. "Hand her here" He commanded, surprising her with his authoritative tone as he motioned for Ember.

"Are you sure?" She checked, hesitation dominating her voice. She was the healthy one, the one supposed to be looking after them, yet it felt a lot like he was looking after of her.

"Go on" He urged, opening and closing his hand rapidly to encourage her to move more swiftly. Another moment passed as she considered her options, the appeal of a hot shower growing steadily, she really did smell like hospital. With a sigh she handed the baby over, wiping Ember's little hand on her shirt, not wanting Chase to be covered in banana as well, before settling her comfortably in his arm. "Pass me the laptop, it's Frozen time!" He instructed next, replicating Shay's excited wiggling. Erin opened the laptop and set it on his lap, watching as he navigated his way to the movie while keeping hold of both girls then making her way to the bathroom.

"You ready for the movie princess?" Chase questioned, adjusting the volume and screen brightness to his liking before slouching into a more comfortable position.

"Chasey?" Shay began seriously, intense gaze directed upward for an unnerving level of eye contact. It was at times like these, when least expected, that she would ask the most difficult questions.

"Yeah?" He dared, bracing himself for whatever it was that took priority over Frozen.

"Daddy hostible" Shay stated defeatedly, still trying to make sense of it.

"Yeah Daddy's in hospital" Chase confirmed sadly, unsure what more to say to the toddler.

"Why?" She posed, not just because she could or to annoy him, she wanted a serious answer.

"Because he's hurt and the doctors are making him better" He summarized as briefly as he could, hopeful she would comprehend.

"But Chasey you hurty and you not hostible" Shay reasoned thoughtfully.

"Oh" He allowed as he thought, her logic was more sophisticated than he had expected. "Well Daddy's a different type of hurt to me."

"Why?" Shay repeated, eager for more information but unwilling to waste time thinking of an alternative question word.

"Because we had different accidents" He extended hopefully, he couldn't detail exactly what had happened for fear of traumatizing her.

"I haded accident" Shay observed softly, there was still a significant element of shame associated with the memory.

"Yeah, but that's okay, you didn't know where the bathroom was" He shrugged, knowing that it would be wrong to make a big deal of it. He remembered wetting his pants in preschool at four years old, she was only two and had been under a lot of stress so it was absolutely excusable in his opinion. "We all have accidents sometimes. You got all cleaned up and you're not going to do it again so don't worry about it. Don't worry about me either, I'm going to be alright" He transitioned, suspecting it was one of the factors that had contributed to her 'accident' in the first place. "I just have to wear a sling for a little while so my arm can rest. It's actually pretty cool huh?" He speculated, pointing to the bedside table where he'd discarded the navy fabric sling. Shay considered the sling for a moment then gave him a look that told him she was well aware of his attempt to deviate from the initial topic of conversation.

"Daddy" Shay reminded with a hint of impatience.

"Daddy" Chase echoed as he collected his thoughts. " He's going to get better too, but he needs to stay in hospital until then so the doctors and nurses can look after him" He explained gently, understanding that it was a complex situation for her. The only experiences she recalled with hospitals were her little sister's birth and ongoing health troubles.

"They pokes hims bloods?" Shay enquired, still struggling to understand why her father, who had seemed well enough when she'd visited, was in hospital when her brother, equally injured in her eyes, wasn't.

"They're going to make him better" He repeated more firmly, confused by her question. He supposed they had probably run blood tests on Kelly but that didn't seem particularly relevant to his recovery or to Shay's understanding. Chase knew that the easiest way to answer her real question was to tell her that her father was more injured than he was, that didn't seem like something a big brother should do when he knew it would upset her.

"Umkay" Shay accepted after taking a long moment to think, watching him carefully.

"We can visit him and take him things that will make him feel better" He proposed, trying to get her to see it from a positive angle.

"Mama?" Shay suggested.

"Yeah, Mama will make him feel better" Chase confirmed, looking across the bedroom to the bathroom door as he thought of Erin. He realised he couldn't hear the shower running and began to suspect that she was listening to their conversation. It didn't change what he had been planning to say next though. "We have to be good for Mama while Dad's in hospital, she's worried about us, but we'll all be okay because Severide's are really tough" He told his little sister comfortingly, heart filled with happiness at the ability to include himself as a part of their family, regardless of his legal surname he felt very much a Severide.

"Sebwide tough!" Shay repeated conclusively, hitting the computer with her fist. Much to her amazement the movie began to play, Chase chuckled before settling back to watch it with her, for the thousandth time or more. With Ember fast asleep in his arm and Shay snuggled against his chest enjoying the movie he got the sense that while he wasn't the best, he certainly wasn't the worst big brother in the world.

* * *

**I'm going to admit defeat on this one, I feel so lost that I can't imagine how you guys are keeping track. I really noticed it in the reviews I got for the last chapter, I never intended for Hank to come across as the bad guy! It was just meant to be a tense interaction for all of them to demonstrate the stresses they're under individually… Which leads me to - Confession time: This storyline totally took on a life of its own and has deviated massively from the two chapter 'Chase gets hurt' scenario I planned to begin with. Oops. That being said I'm going to keep writing it because I'm having more and more ideas on how to dig myself out of this hole everyday but please know that that's why it isn't my best work. The balance and family dynamic is all wrong and I can't seem to get inside the characters heads/emotions the way I normally can… Well except for Shay, that's why she's dominating the story... I'm struggling and it's taking me longer than I would like to write each chapter but I promise I will get back on track and I'll stay there! Sorry guys :/ Feel free to make suggestions for scenes/interactions you would like to see because otherwise I'm probably going to skip straight to Kelly getting home because from there I have some idea where to take things… sort of… maybe…not really… Why couldn't I just stick to the plan?!**

**I also just wanted to note that today marks one year since I posted the first chapter of 'A New Beginning'. What a year it has been! I have learned so much, met some amazing people and been blessed with follows/favourites and hundreds of incredible reviews. THANK YOU ALL, without ****YOU**** I wouldn't still be writing that's for sure. I must be doing something right to have such wonderful readers. **

**Apologies for the long AN, please review :D **


	186. Chapter 186

"Mr Severide, back to bed please" The nurse barked, taking Kelly by surprise and ending yet another attempt to tiptoe past the nurse's station. Perhaps he had been underestimating the nursing staff, they seemed to have eyes in the backs of their heads, consistently able to detect him despite his best efforts to move stealthily through the corridor.

"Why?" He questioned, not unlike his two year old daughter, sighing and adding a frustrated pout for good measure. He didn't even know where he was going, anywhere away from the tiny room he'd occupied for five full days. At first the nurses had celebrated his return to mobility, but now, two days after mastering manoeuvring with an IV stand and chest tube in place, they were no longer amused by his 'exercise' efforts.

"Why are you even out of bed?" She questioned flatly, looking across from the computer screen, her no nonsense eyebrows making him consider the question seriously.

"Look…" Kelly started slowly, taking a deep breath and steadying himself by leaning on the raised bench that surrounded the nurse's station. "I'm not one of those people who's gonna get better just sitting on my ass all day…" He informed, hoping that being frank would pay off. "I can breathe, I can walk, why can't I go home already?"

"Why can't you go back to bed already?" The nurse returned exasperatedly. "It's almost time for your dinner. If your doctor was going to discharge you today he'd have done it at eight this morning, just like all the other patients" She explained bluntly, she didn't want to be rude or mean, though she could see that that was how he was interpreting what she said, frustration and defeat building in his eyes. She just knew that if she gave an inch he'd take a foot and be on his way home before she could blink. That definitely wouldn't help either of them.

"You don't understand, I have a family" He presented weakly, a final argument in the hope she would change her mind and somehow grant him permission to leave. It had become abundantly clear to him that the nurses ran the hospital, or at least his ward, the doctors had the final say on discharging patients though.

"And you're in no shape to be doing anything for them. Back to bed…or I'll tell your wife" She threatened unflinchingly, watching his frown deepen instantaneously.

"You wouldn't" He dared, narrowing his eyes, unable to hide his alarm at the suggestion no matter how hard he tried to bluff. Erin would sooner kill him herself than let him leave the hospital against medical advice. The only way he was getting out was with fully authorised discharge papers in his hand.

"Oh?" The nurse challenged, sooner or later Kelly would come to learn who had the all the power. "You know I would" She finished with a deceptively cheery smile, pleased with the effect her threat had had.

"Okay, fine, I'll go back to bed!" He conceded with great reluctance, straightening and taking a few steps backwards. "But could you remind Doctor Cox that I'm still here? I'm pretty sure he's forgotten me…" Kelly continued to speak over his shoulder as he made his way back down the corridor, dragging his feet as he walked just in case she was watching. She was, intently, chuckling softly to herself when he disappeared from view before turning her attention back to the patient profile on the computer screen and getting back to work. Not more than twenty minutes later she looked up again.

"Mrs Severide."

"Linda, how was he today?" Erin questioned, refraining from requesting that the nurse use her first name, since it would be the fifth time she'd done so, and instead getting straight to business.

"Well he only tried to leave twice… so better than yesterday" Linda reflected, not thinking it was necessary to inform her patient's wife that Kelly had likely made fewer attempts because they had reduced his pain medication dosage. "I threatened to tell you. That seemed to change his mind" She added with a smirk, it was interesting to observe their relationship dynamic.

"Good" Erin scoffed, not at all surprised by the continuation of her husband's escape antics. "Any word on the chest tube?" She enquired hopefully, the doctor had apparently mentioned removing it that morning but she didn't know if that was the truth or just her husband trying to stop her worrying about him.

"Not yet, but I'll be recommending we get it out, he's just going to do more damage if he gets it caught when he tries to fit out the window – and I'd bet my morning coffee that's what he was thinking about when I did his vitals at four…" Linda shook her head so as not to laugh out loud, she could picture the fireman half out the window, regretting the decision.

"Mmm" Erin acknowledged, if the nurse was recommending removal the idea might get some traction. "Blood pressure?" She asked next, Kelly had had a few issues with low blood pressure but the doctor had advised her that that was because he was moving around too much while his body was making up lost blood volume.

"Stable, normal range" Linda provided, not even needing to consult his chart for the information. She had a dozen patients to monitor but Kelly was by far the most interesting.

"Did he finish his lunch?"

"Not quite, refuses to eat his jelly."

"He says it tastes like mouthwash" Erin shrugged, while they had left not long after his lunch had arrived that day, Ember needing her diaper changed and Shay hungry for her own lunch, she had sat with him through it enough times to know his excuse.

"Well I don't know what brand you use…" Linda joked. "I avoid the blue flavour myself so I don't blame him. He's improved a lot Erin, should be out in the next few days" She comforted, not eating bad tasting jelly was hardly a sign he wasn't getting better. "I'll have a word with the doc, he doesn't seem to realise how restless he is in here."

"Thanks" Erin accepted, knowing just how impatient her husband had become, she understood that he wanted to get home but could see that he was just as desperate to get out before the end of the week to prove the doctors wrong. "At least here he has you looking out for him… At home I'm just about going to have to tie him down or he won't be able to resist overdoing it with the kids…" She sighed, she wanted him home but was well aware that that was when the real work would start for her. "Thank you by the way, I really appreciate the way you look out for him. You don't have to, but you do…"

"Oh, no need to thank me…" Linda dismissed, looking indecisive for a second. "I appreciate the way he forgets to tie his hospital gown" She confessed with a snort of nervous laughter. Erin's eyes widened in surprise but she knew exactly what the nurse was referring to. From the first day Kelly had complained about the lower tie of his hospital gown digging in when he was lying down. Erin had been the one who had told him to undo it but she didn't realise he left it undone when trying to sneak out, giving the nurse full view of his muscular form and brief clad backside when he scurried back to his room. "Go make him eat his dinner" Linda finished with a laugh since Erin wasn't quite sure how to respond.

"I'll do my best" Erin managed softly, shaking her head as she started towards her husband's room. "Hey" She greeted as she entered, plastering on a neutral expression, guilt flickered in his eyes and he fumbled with, then dropped, his spoon.

"Shit" He cursed loudly, looking down his front but thinking more along the lines that the nurse had followed through with her threat instead of worrying about the soup staining his chest.

"Is it hot?" She questioned urgently, crossing the room and grabbing for the napkin to wipe at his chest.

"Not really" He admitted sheepishly, not wanting to explain his overreaction if she was just early and hadn't been summoned by the nurse to tell him off. "You know how much I fucking hate soup… When I'm old you can feed me this shit, until then I want something to chew, like steak!" He ranted, he genuinely felt strongly about soup and it helped take his mind off his guilty conscience.

"Babe" Erin reasoned softly, taking the spoon from him and discarding the napkin before pushing the table back slightly so she could sit on the edge of the bed. "I love you" She informed with a smile, cupping his scruffy cheek and leaning in to place a soft kiss on his lips.

"I love you too" He replied, just a little confused as to how it was relevant.

"You need to eat to get better, you need to get better so you can come home" She reminded gently, she had this conversation with him every evening when he decided he didn't like the food that was on offer. He sighed deeply, wishing he could tell her that he was well enough to make it down the corridor and back without getting too out of breath. It still hurt a bit, probably because he had overdone it the day before, but not enough to discourage him. If she knew that he had been out of bed again he knew she would get annoyed again. It hadn't made for a pleasant evening the previous day.

"I'll eat" He conceded, gesturing for her to wheel the table back into place so he could reach the food.

"Thank you" She nodded victoriously, handing him the spoon then tucking a napkin into place at the collar of his hospital gown. "Oh and by the way, I'm not going to feed you when you're old, I'll put you in a home and someone else can deal with that" She added, moving to the other side of the table instead of the plastic chair which she had quickly come to hate.

"I meant cook for me, not actually feed me…" He corrected, trailing off when he noticed her scowl. "Of course you don't need to do that either. I'll cook for you, or we can take turns…" He suggested, just thinking of their future, growing old together, made him feel better.

"Just eat" She recommended, he nodded once to acknowledge her request, thinking it wise to quite while he was ahead anyway. One mouthful of soup followed another but by the third he could tell she was bored, watching someone eat had never appealed to him either.

"You're early?" He put to her, looking past her to the clock that at times seemed to be right in his face telling him how much of his life he was wasting.

"Chase put Blaze on while he was cooking dinner so then they ate in front of the TV. Shay was so tired she went to bed without a book when it ended" Erin explained, she knew he would want to be there watching the movie with his daughter.

"No book? Wow" He commented, surprise and a hint of concern making her continue.

"Yeah, she hasn't been sleeping well. Em and I wake her in the night… and she misses you" She added carefully, not wanting to blame him but mentioning it anyway because it was a significant factor in Shay's behaviour.

"You're still letting her sleep in our bed?" He questioned, finding that revelation more interesting than anything else his wife had said.

"She goes bananas if I don't" She shrugged, it had been hard not to give in to the toddler's every desire that week and when it came to bedtime she was usually too exhausted to even try to get Shay into her own bed.

"Bananas?" He questioned, knowing what the word meant in that context but confused by the familiar ease with which his wife had used the term.

"Super-mega tantrum territory… I don't get it either, blame Hank" She urged with yet another shrug.

"What about Emmy? Did you try feeding her more banana?" He questioned, prompted by the mention of the fruit. He had been devastated to miss what he considered an important milestone – only because he had missed it – Ember's first attempt at eating anything other than breast milk.

"Yeah, I mashed up half a banana this morning, she ate about a teaspoon then decided she didn't like it" She told him, it had taken twice as long to mash the thing as it did to decide that the baby had had enough and eat the banana slop herself. "I don't think she's really ready for food yet" She concluded, it wasn't unexpected that their barely four month old daughter didn't want to eat something as unappetizing as mashed banana.

"You know just because I'm in hospital doesn't mean you can forget what her doctor said" He brought up bravely. "You should let her settle herself. She doesn't need you to feed her all the time, if you let her get hungry she'd probably eat baby food..." Her look was enough to derail his train of thought. "I'm gonna shut up now" He finished, her dangerous glare scaring him a little.

"Good idea" She nodded. He slurped another spoonful of soup and saw that she had calmed somewhat before speaking again.

"But you know what I'm getting at right?" He questioned. "You're busy enough without having to…" Erin had snatched the spoon from his hand, collecting some soup before directing the implement straight into his mouth. "Ugh" He complained, pushing her hand away.

"Open" She commanded, with more soup already on the spoon.

"I'm sorry" He spluttered as she forced the spoon into his mouth yet again, frown replaced by an almost cruel smile. She wasn't angry with him as such, it was just a very effective way to get him to eat his dinner and think twice before telling her how to look after her baby.

"I was wrong, this is strangely satisfying" She informed, spoon returning to the bowl so rapidly that before he could swallow it was pressed to his lips again.

"I'm gonna drown in soup" He groaned when she slowed to let him breathe, suspecting he had learned his lesson.

"You going to stop?" She asked, lifting the spoon menacingly for the response she wanted.

"Yeah, I promise" He vowed, taking the spoon from her before she could change her mind. They both blurted out an apology a few moments later, finding it rather amusing once it was over. Their laughter dissipated the tension but Kelly continued to eat at the rate she had fed him, eager to be done with the meal before the soup got any colder. There was still a bread roll, unappealing wilted greens and of course his cup of jelly for dessert.

"Mr Severide. Erin. Good evening" Doctor Cox greeted as he entered the room, looking first to his patient then nodding to his wife before dropping his gaze to the chart at the end of the bed.

"Hi" Kelly greeted enthusiastically, shovelling an extra large portion of soggy spinach into his mouth in the hope it would demonstrate he was feeling better.

"Your nurse said you wanted to speak with me" Doctor Cox informed without looking up. Kelly immediately regretted the mouthful of spinach, chewing rapidly then swallowing hard, feeling the half chewed mass travel all the way down his oesophagus. He couldn't suppress a cough but tried to cover it by promptly clearing his throat.

"Yeah" He answered keenly before feeling his wife's hand on his thigh. "Ah…" He let the sound die along with his hopes of getting out. Erin had been working so hard to make his hospital stay bearable. She brought the girls in every morning for a visit, often lasting two or three hours, and then as soon as their daughters were asleep at night she would leave the house to visit him alone, keeping him company for hours then returning home in time for Ember's next feed. He didn't feel he could say anything to the doctor without devaluing his wife's efforts.

"We…" Erin began, having been observing her husband closely for the duration of the awkward silence. "Were wondering when you might remove the chest tube..." She finished softly, curious to see what effect Nurse Linda's recommendation would have on the doctor.

"Hmm" The doctor grunted as he moved around the bed, checking the quantity of fluid that had drained from Kelly's chest cavity against the numbers written on the chart. "I can do it now if you want" He concluded unemotively, apparently the numbers suggested the tube had served its purpose.

"Yeah?" Kelly asked, the question on both their minds. That had been so much easier than he had expected, just asking nicely, or rather getting his wife to ask nicely had actually worked. "Sure" He agreed, before the doctor had a chance to think better of the rushed decision.

"I'll order an x-ray, you finish your dinner" Doctor Cox instructed, dropping the chart back into place.

"Thanks doc" He added, grinning at his wife.

"Don't thank me" The doctor informed seriously. "The nurses are sick of you… and they tell me you don't like the jelly. Eat up and we'll get the tube out" He bribed with a chuckle as he left the room. Kelly looked to the cup of jelly on his tray, every other time he'd been stuck with what was supposed to be blueberry blue, today seemed to be his lucky day, grape flavoured purple.

"Awesome" He positively beamed, taking a bite of the stiff bread roll before stuffing in some more of the greens. Eating far more quickly than he had been prior to the doctor's visit.

"You must actually be getting better" Erin commented teasingly, winking at him before nodding to encourage him to continue eating, his fork frozen halfway between his mouth and the bowl.

"You don't want me to be?" He posed, reading between the lines, she wasn't nearly as excited as he was.

"Of course I do" She argued, frustrated that he would suggest otherwise despite the fact that in that exact moment she had been wishing she hadn't asked the doctor. She had been expecting a 'maybe tomorrow' or 'soon' that would give her husband hope, something to look forward to, instead she was worried she had put pressure on the doctor and influenced his decision. She had tried all week to come across as impartial as possible when talking to Kelly's medical team, they respected her, kept her fully informed and valued her questions because of it. "I want you back to normal as soon as possible… I want you home. But you have to take it slowly, getting the chest tube out is just the first step" She reminded gently.

"I know, but it's a step in the right direction. I'm getting better and soon I'll be coming home. I'm just looking forward to spending some time relaxing with you and the girls" He assured, not putting a lot of pressure on the idea of going home.

"There'll be rehab, Chase started yesterday for his shoulder, already hates it…" She warned.

"That's because it hurts and he won't take his medication properly" He disagreed, knowing something was going on with their son but unaware of the exact details. Erin wasn't sure it was the right time but she did have Chase's permission to discuss the matter with Kelly so she decided to do it anyway.

"He's scared, it's hard…" She began, underestimating how hard it would be to even talk about.

"How is hard?" Kelly asked, curious rather than disbelieving.

"Taking something that you know is highly addictive… When you've got the life you want, something to lose, it's hard to willingly take something that could change all of that. No matter how many people tell you that it's alright, that it's different, there's always this doubt in the back of your mind" She explained, hating that she understood, that she had been in the exact same position many a time and had yet to conquer the fear. "I've talked to him about it… a lot, told him he has our support. He wants to talk to you himself but he didn't want to worry you" She shrugged, she'd encouraged the young man and would continue to do so. Kelly wasn't the type to waste a lot of energy worrying, he was all for problem solving.

"The kid can talk to me about anything, anytime. When I call him to tell him the good news I'll remind him of that" Kelly confirmed, gesturing to his soon to be removed chest tube, he was still processing what she had said, starting on the jelly while she checked her phone to see that everything was okay at home. Thinking about Chase made her think of all the things he had done for her that week, big and small everything had helped in some way, caring for the girls, cooking and cleaning, all while injured himself.

"Mr Severide?" A small pale man questioned after knocking on the door frame. "I'm here to take you to radiology" The porter informed flatly, wheeling the wheelchair into the room. Erin could see the urge to protest in her husband's eyes but he didn't comment, smiling at her instead. She really hoped the x-ray showed whatever it was supposed to.

"Okay, thanks" Kelly smiled, putting down his jelly and pushing the tray away. Erin moved so that she could shift the table to the end of the bed and the porter was quick to step in and help Kelly into the chair.

"Do you want me to come?" She asked.

"Not much point, they'll just make you wait outside again" He shrugged, not bothering either way since she couldn't actually be in there with him.

"I'll stay here then, finish your jelly" She teased, taking the half empty cup in hand as he was turned around by the porter, clearly someone who liked to be punctual.

"Aww!" He complained as he was pushed from the room. It was only after he had been gone a minute that she realised his gown was still partially untied.

**You requested some Linseride time… I hope this was okay, I feel better about it than the last chapter.**


	187. Chapter 187

Erin couldn't help but become concerned when Kelly still hadn't returned from radiology an hour later. Pacing the tiny hospital room she couldn't help but think of reasons for the delay, all increasingly dreadful, especially when she had been so hopeful that the removal of the chest tube was the first real step towards recovery, to Kelly leaving that god awful room once and for all. If something had come up on the x-ray, something bad that needed immediate attention, he might have been taken straight to surgery, that was of course assuming he'd made it to radiology in the first place. She wanted to think positively but it was something she had always struggled with, her natural predisposition being toward pessimism, made harder by the absence of anyone to pretend for. She tried to push aside the concern long enough to think what she would do if Hank were there, it was hard, every sound in the corridor drew her thoughts back to her husband. Distract herself. Hank would provide a distraction, she would allow herself to be distracted and time would pass more quickly even if the outcome wasn't changed. Her eyes scanned the room, spotting the television remote on the table across the end of his bed. His dinner tray had been taken away some time ago making it easy for her shaking hand to grasp the lone object on the shiny white surface. She jabbed at the large red button at the top right corner of the remote then waited. The television seemed to take forever to burst to life, it looked like a scene from a movie but Erin instantly recognised a local news reporter standing before the indiscernible carnage. She didn't have a chance to process the information, spinning around at the nearing sound of rubber tyres on linoleum.

"Oh good" Kelly concluded, gesturing to the television and letting out a relieved sigh that lost all momentum when he caught his wife's eye. He hadn't seen her that confused in a long time. "The news…The train crash…I was worried you'd be worried…That's why I took so long" He explained disjointedly, pointing intermittently at the television.

"There was a train crash?" She questioned, looking back to the screen. That made sense of the wreckage.

"Yeah, straight through the barrier at the end of the line, some idiot hijacked the train. No fatalities but there were plenty of bones broken when the carriages hit the brick wall… You right?" He halted his explanation to ask, his wife alternating between staring at the television in horror and at him with relief.

"Mhm" She nodded quickly, feeling conflicted. For a second she had been glad there had been a train crash, it meant that all the awful scenarios she had imagined weren't true. "I only just turned it on, I was worried…" She admitted softly, feeling as if she was displaying her selfishness for all to see. The porter didn't seem to care, getting Kelly situated in the bed and hooking up the bag of IV fluids before steering the wheelchair out of the room, leaving without so much as a glance back at them.

"I know. I'm sorry, come here" He beckoned, holding out his hand for her. She turned the television off and tossed the remote aside, taking his hand then proceeding to sit on the edge of the bed and lean in to his chest. She didn't even notice that he had used his previously damaged right arm without any indication it had been painful. The level of upset she showed was entirely understandable when he stopped to consider not only how much longer the wait would have felt alone in the bleak hospital room but also how tired she had to be feeling after one of the longest weeks of their married lives. "Hey you gotta stop worrying, I'm fine" He reasoned when she sniffled, he knew it was an unreasonable request. He was just as incapable of controlling his anxiety when it came to thinking about her being home alone with their kids, regardless of the fact Chase was an adult. Leaving her alone a few days a week for work was different to almost a whole week because he was in hospital, there was a lot more stress involved. "Doc, the x-ray's clear right?" Kelly questioned as Doctor Cox entered the room, x-ray in one hand. The doctor didn't even have to answer, the nurse behind him wheeling a trolley provided all the response Kelly needed, the x-ray was good enough for the chest tube to come out. Erin stood, wiping her face before giving the doctor a small smile.

"Your x-ray is near perfect Mr Severide. The local anaesthetic needs a few minutes to take effect so if you don't mind I'll get that started then we can discuss the procedure" Doctor Cox informed as he washed his hands, the nurse was ready with paper towels a gown and gloves when he finished but he ignored her in favour of looking to his patient for approval.

"Sure" Kelly agreed, excitement beginning to diminish at the realisation the procedure could be painful.

"Mrs Severide if you could move to the other side of the bed" Doctor Cox requested once he had donned his sterile clothing, drawing clear liquid from a vial into the syringe he held while the nurse approached the bed. Erin positioned herself such that she could hold her husband's hand, his slightly sweaty palms prompted her to rub soothing circles on the back of his hand. The nurse lay the bed flat then undid and folded down his gown before placing a small blue plastic backed sheet under his side. Erin continued to rub at her husband's hand, holding eye contact with him so that she was only watching the doctor through her peripheral vision. The dressing was carefully removed, his side tinted with strong smelling antiseptic solution and then without saying anything further the doctor got to work injecting the anaesthetic. Kelly flinched the first time the needle pierced his skin but smiled at his wife to dispel her concern, making a conscious effort not to react.

"Done?" Kelly questioned as the doctor discarded the syringe.

"Yes, no more needles" Doctor Cox nodded. Kelly sighed, he didn't fear needles or find them particularly painful but watching his wife cringe each time unsettled him. "Now, in a minute, when you can't feel that anymore, I'm going to cut the suture holding the tube in place and pull it out. It's quite simple, you might feel a little pressure but it shouldn't be painful. When I tell you to you will need to hold your breath and tense as if you were trying to exhale forcefully. Once the tube is out I'll dress the wound and after that you should be good to go" The doctor finished, busy preparing the instruments atop the trolley.

"Go? Home?" Kelly enquired opportunistically, fully anticipating a stern look and a firm denial.

"Yes, I expect so" The doctor agreed, not looking up from the three pieces of tape he had cut and lined up perfectly.

"Wait, what?" Erin interrupted, struggling to believe what she had just heard. He'd been in hospital five days, the doctors had said a week, she should be pleased that there was the potential he'd be released early but instead she was questioning the motivation for what felt to her like a sudden change. Panicked that she wouldn't be able to look after him even though she had to admit that he had improved massively in the last forty-eight hours. From pale, in considerable pain and bedridden to his usual self, mobile and attempting to get out even with the chest tube in place.

"Your husband should be ready for discharge in the morning, after a follow up x-ray and a chat about caring for his wounds" Doctor Cox clarified bluntly.

"Really?" Erin couldn't stop herself from checking.

"There isn't anything we can do here to assist his recovery that he won't get at home. He won't be able to lift anything for some time and I wouldn't recommend anything more strenuous than a gentle walk but there's no reason for him to stay here" The doctor replied patiently. That was Erin's greatest concern, Kelly didn't know how to take it easy, he'd be lifting Shay and chasing after her no matter what she said to assure him she had everything under control.

"Okay" She accepted quietly none-the-less, excitement pouring from her husband's eyes and wide grim.

"Thanks Doc" Kelly added cheerfully.

"Okay, can you feel anything?" Doctor Cox asked, extending his hand toward Kelly's side.

"Yes" The reclined man answered without pause to consider the question.

"Babe, he's not even touching you" Erin informed, doing everything she could to supress laughter, concern overpowered the amusement she felt and she gripped his hand tighter and cupped his cheek with her other hand. She could understand that he was anxious, but all her concern had evaporated without her even realising, enabling her to focus on supporting him.

"Oh…"

"Just relax, I'm here" She told him confidently, holding his hand to her chest as the doctor poked his side firmly. Kelly didn't react so the doctor's gloved hand selected the scalpel from the tray.

"I can't wait to sleep in my own bed again" Kelly shared nervously.

"You'll have to evict Shay first, she quite likes your side of the bed" Erin answered calmly.

"I think she'll give it up for a story at bedtime" He suggested, laughing once before freezing, looking down fearfully to ensure that the associated movement hadn't interfered with what the doctor was doing.

"She'll probably want to read to you" Erin contributed quickly, hoping to draw his attention back.

"She's reading now?!" He posed, feigning alarm, he might have missed Ember's first food but he didn't think he'd been in hospital long enough to miss Shay learning to read. It lightened the mood considerably.

"She has a good memory, we've read Blue Fish's Wish to her too many times…" She objected, unable to stop herself watching as the doctor set aside the scalpel and picked up the dressing instead.

"Yeah" Kelly allowed, though it was hard to keep looking at her face when whatever was happening at his side seemed so much more interesting.

"Deep breath and hold it" The doctor instructed. Erin's eyes found his as he inhaled and tried to relax, she allowed them to drift back across when he closed his eyes to focus on holding his breath. The direction of her gaze shifted just in time to see the tube yanked from his side, what looked like watered down blood splattered the doctor's gown, flicked from the tube that had been embedded several inches into her husband's chest cavity. Erin had to look away, swallowing hard to stop herself being sick. She wasn't normally squeamish, the nausea building so rapidly that she was fortunate to be able to contain it. After taking several short sharp breaths she found herself looking back, Doctor Cox taping the dressing into place, his gown still stained by the reddish liquid. It was Kelly that squeezed her hand then, unfazed by the procedure but worried about his wife. "All done."

"That wasn't so bad" Kelly sighed deeply, it had felt strange but not at all painful.

"Mmm" Erin agreed, nodding unconvincingly while shifting forward slightly to lean against the hospital bed. Focusing on her breathing she tried to stay in control, the nausea returned each time she looked at the doctor and she felt disgustingly light headed.

"You sure I can't go home tonight Doc?" Kelly asked, keeping a close eye on his wife, who looked as if she might pass out at any second.

"I'm sure, we'll be keeping a close eye on you overnight, half hourly obs. I'll discharge you in the morning assuming your oxygen sats remain stable and we get a good x-ray. Until then I recommend you rest, call the nurse if you have any difficulty breathing" Doctor Cox advised as he finished tidying the mess he had made, removing the gown and gloves while the nurse retied Kelly's hospital gown and angled the bed slightly so that he was comfortable.

"Thanks" Erin mumbled, when a few moments later the doctor and nurse came back into view, they had been conversing softly at the end of the bed while making notes on Kelly's chart.

"Is there someone I can call to drive you home ma'am?" The nurse asked gently, Doctor Cox had nodded his acknowledgement on his way out of the room, thinking of all the other patients he had to see.

"No, I'm fine" Erin assured, straightening so she wasn't leaning on the bed before giving the nurse her best 'leave me alone' expression.

"Alright" The nurse accepted hesitantly. "You heard the doctor, call us if you have trouble breathing…Either of you" She added daringly, looking Erin in the eye before turning her attention to pushing the trolley from the room. The moment she rounded the doorframe Erin slumped, first sitting on the edge of the bed then promptly lying down alongside her husband.

"Nice deep breaths baby" Kelly whispered as he moved over to accommodate his wife, glad for the analgesia that made moving painless.

"I'm fine" She protested, despite feeling worse than she had the afternoon he'd been brought in.

"You're whiter than these sheets and I'm pretty sure they're ninety percent bleach" He disagreed, brushing the hair from her face. "You didn't have to stay" He sighed, very glad she had. It was the give and take that made their relationship worthwhile, the balance of supporting and being supported, worrying about each other, loving each other.

"I'm sorry, you feeling okay?" She questioned weakly, forcing herself to look at him even though she wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and sleep.

"I'm fine" He returned a little dismissively.

"Sorry" She apologised again, not entirely sure what she was apologising for but feeling it was necessary none the less.

"Hey, I worry about you, you worry about me, that's the way this works" He comforted, pressing his lips to her surprisingly sweaty forehead.

"Mmm" She nodded, snuggling into his side.

"You want me to call Hank or Chase?" Kelly questioned a moment later when he feared she was falling asleep. Hank would drive her home, Chase would look after the girls.

"I'll text Chase" She sighed, digging her phone out of her pocket. "He'll have to give Em a bottle" She concluded as she composed a very simple message telling their son that she would be home late.

"You're not staying the night, you need sleep" He asserted, though he wasn't sure he was in much of a position to enforce his demand.

"Babe… Just a couple hours? I can't sleep without you" She murmured, placing her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arms around him tightly.

"Okay" He conceded, "A couple of hours." He was quiet for a moment but then decided to continue. "It's my last night in hospital I have to prank the nurses or something…" He said, almost solely to test her level of consciousness. He could tell that her eyes were closed and her breathing had begun to even out but she wasn't quite asleep.

"Just stop letting them see your butt" She requested before yawning widely.

"What?!" He was certain he'd misheard her.

"Do up your gown" She muttered, clutching the garment in question in order to hold him close, careful to keep her hand away from the site of the chest tube.

"Oh" He acknowledged as he processed her request.

"I married you, I'm not sharing… It's mine" She added in barely a whisper, slipping her left hand in underneath him.

"Just sleep you weirdo" He urged, smoothing her hair back and placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"Love you…" She uttered right on the verge of unconsciousness.

"I love you too, now sleep" He replied quietly, rubbing her back because he didn't want her getting cold and couldn't think of a way to get the blankets to cover her. He still looked forward to the next night, at home in their bed together, but any time spent with her in his arms was valuable.

**Kelly will get home in the next chapter I promise! I just saw an opportunity for him to show that he's human and had to take it. Erin is really struggling and I don't know that it'll be any easier for her when he's home… I can't wait to have the family all together again though. Thanks for reading :D**

**On a side note I've been using the hashtag #prayforpeace a lot of late, awful things are happening in our world and I really hope that none of you have been directly affected. I am always here if you need someone to talk to, unfortunately distance means I can't do much more than that. Spread love not hate. **


	188. Chapter 188

**The universe conspired against me on this one! A cut under my eye is infected, my desktop computer refuses to work because of the heatwave and Word on my laptop keeps crashing without saving :(  
**

"GLITTERS!" Shay shrieked, slipping off the chair and racing towards her big brother.

"Woah" Chase attempted to calm, lifting the box of craft supplies out of the toddler's reach while being mindful of Ember in the baby carrier on his chest. "Just give me a sec Shay" He requested, nudging her out of the way with his foot so that he could set the box down on the dining room table and assess the contents.

"Dada loooves GLITTERS!" Shay announced loudly and dramatically, flapping her arms about before climbing back up onto the chair. She immediately stood up, looking intently at the craft supplies while grasping at the hem of her shirt to keep her hands at her sides. She desperately wanted the glitter, how else was she supposed to convey just how excited she was that her father was finally coming home. Her mother had told them the good news over breakfast, a meal forgotten as Shay squealed and jumped around, beyond thrilled. She remained unable to contain her excitement, high energy and even higher volume obvious indicators.

"I know, we'll use some glitter" Chase acknowledged distantly, face serious as he concentrated on the resources before him. He wanted to make a welcome home banner, something nice with a personal touch, the problem being that Shay dominated arts and crafts in typical two year old fashion. While Erin might have been able to channel the toddler's abundant energy and produce something spectacular Chase was doubting his abilities and the idea altogether. It was too late to change his mind though, the toddler likely to be just as vocal in voicing her disappointment if he tried to put the craft supplies away. He regretted not putting on a movie like Erin had suggested when she'd left twenty minutes ago. "Okay Princess, you want to make Dad a card?" He offered, hoping it would give him more time to plan and execute his own idea.

"Why?" Shay asked uncertainly, despite seeing dozens of cards in her father's hospital room she didn't understand the premise of giving a card when he was coming home. Her father had explained that the cards were there to make him feel better, he wouldn't need cards to feel better when he was home though, that would be her responsibility.

"Because Dad would like it" He couldn't think of an actual reason why it had to be a card. "You can just do a painting if you want… or a drawing" He revised, wishing he had discovered the pack of coloured markers sooner, drawing was much tidier than painting.

"Wif glitters?" Shay questioned, the most important factor in her opinion.

"Why not?" He shrugged, placing a blank piece of paper in front of her. Next he opened the packet of coloured markers, dumping them on the table, dropping the tubs of paint down next to them and counting out a paint brush for each colour. Shay was swaying in anticipation, doing everything she could not to snatch and get to work. "You get started and I'll help you with the glitter when you're ready" He advised, popping the lids off the paints.

"Umkay" Shay agreed, going straight for the red paint, dipping her fingers in as she fished around for the brush. Chase stepped back and looked at her critically for a second, deciding that she wasn't wearing a good shirt he didn't bother to make her wear the paint shirt, not when the tubs had the word 'washable' in bold.

"Remember to make it nice for Daddy" Chase reminded gently as she slapped far more paint than necessary onto the paper. Shay was too focused to hear him and it didn't take him long to work out that the longer she was occupied by the painting the more time he had for the banner. Ember was asleep so with a stack of paper and a black permanent marker in hand he set about writing a bubble letter on each sheet, if he could get Shay to paint inside the black lines the project might turn out. Then he would just need to fold over and staple the top edge of the paper, thread the letters onto some string and hang them between the stairs and the wall in the entry way. He had no idea how long they had to work but hoped they would be finished by the time their parents returned, not that he had any idea how he would entertain the toddler next.

* * *

Erin wasn't sure what to make of the high giggles carrying down the corridor from her husband's hospital room. Pausing just shy of the doorway she analysed the sound, young and female, she couldn't help but feel a surge of anger. Peering into the room she observed her husband, sporting the type of smile that made his eyes twinkle, perched on the hospital bed wearing nothing but a towel, wrapped low around his hips. The young nurse, not one Erin had seen before, stood behind him, dabbing softly at his back with another towel. Erin cleared her throat and two pairs of eyes snapped up, Kelly instantly knew that he was in trouble, the nurse did too according to the sudden rush of colour to her cheeks.

"Morning babe" Kelly offered with an apologetic smile, hoping to lift the unimpressed expression his wife wore.

"Clothes" Erin informed, holding up the bag she held in her right hand before throwing it at him. He caught it, barely, unprepared for the pain that moving so rapidly would cause. The text message she'd received confirming his discharge had also requested she bring a change of clothes for him to wear home.

"Thanks" He accepted, quick to plaster on the smile again. "I had a shower" He justified weakly, noticing her gaze lingering on the towel.

"Do you need help getting dressed Mr Severide?" The nurse asked sweetly, finished drying the sutured wound just below his shoulder blade. If looks could kill she'd have dropped dead that instant, Erin's glare wasn't redundant though, the nurse realising her work was done when she glanced across.

"No, thanks Callie" He managed only once he'd looked away from his wife.

"I'll be back in a minute to show you how to look after that" The nurse, Callie, replied before exiting the room, closing the door to give them some privacy.

"Er…"

"Don't" Erin commanded, cutting off the apology before he could even make it.

"Babe" He attempted, in the soft husky voice that usually worked when he needed to make her forget whatever terrible thing he had done.

"Please" She requested weakly, he had forgotten how tired she had to be, a few hours dozing beside him followed by a midnight drive home, sharing the bed with Shay and being woken by Ember. "Can we just get home? Chase has the girls and Shay's a little excited to see you…" Erin trailed off, stepping towards him to take clothes out of the bag since he hadn't made a move to.

"You're not…" He sighed, not sure how the statement would better his position, it just made it sound like he was trying to fault her as well. "I'm sorry" He apologised genuinely, holding eye contact with her for a second before her eyes narrowed.

"For what?!" She demanded harshly, wondering how he could apologise if he hadn't done anything wrong, and she wasn't sure he'd class having a young flirty nurse dry his back as something wrong. "What did you do?" She pressed.

"Erin" He groaned. "Nothing, I didn't do anything" He tried to reason. "I should have though. I should have stopped her, told her I was married…"

"Oh she knows you're married" She informed coldly, highly critical of the nurse. "The ring makes it pretty obvious" She pointed out, she didn't care for the symbolism of a ring she just trusted that it would alert others to their relationship status. Erin should have left it there, she normally would have, but so many factors were contributing to make her irritated enough that she had to continue. "Seriously though? I ask you to cover your ass because the nurses are having a fucking field day checking you out and what do you do? Take off the rest of your clothes for them…" She seethed, throwing underwear and a pair of jeans at him before retreating somewhat, enough space that he could observe what she was communicating nonverbally as well. "You wouldn't let me walk around wearing a towel, you'd be… jealous" She spat the word, hating it possibly more than she hated the nurse. For a person who liked being in control she'd spent very little of the week that way, this just another example of that. "And I'm allowed to be jealous! I miss you…" She added in a whisper, eyes pleading for him to make it right, though even she wasn't sure what he could do to achieve that.

"I needed a shower, it was just a shower" He tried to rationalise.

"If you need a nurse's help with that maybe you should stay here!" Erin blasted. She didn't mean it, she regretted it the moment the words left her mouth, she was just so furious. Turning away from him she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Kelly sighed frustratedly but didn't respond instead unfolding the jeans and draping them next to himself on the bed. He took a moment to get the boxers the right way around, but then he untucked the towel and began to try to get them on with one hand. The site where his chest tube had been was so painful that it took him a few attempts, gritting his teeth, to get his feet through the leg holes of the boxers.

"Could you help?" He requested softly, it pained him to ask for help, especially when she was still unhappy with him. If had taken him almost three minutes to get a pair of boxers on, he didn't want to admit it but there was no way he could get into the jeans by himself.

"Do it yourself" She answered, pacing back and forth, refusing to look at him.

"I don't want to bust my stitches" He explained, she looked across at him, assessing how serious he was being. "Please babe" He near begged.

"Ughhh" She sighed noisily, evidencing her frustration as she approached, snatching the denim pants from the bed before crouching to get his feet into the leg holes.

"Tonight, you and me, in our own bed… I'll make it up to you" He vowed as she drew the pants up his legs, stopping as soon as he could reach them.

"Not likely" Erin muttered, adding a scowl as she increased the space between them. Kelly sighed again, a little frustrated by how seriously she was taking such a minor situation. He didn't stand a chance on that subject so he changed to something he hoped would prove less aggravating for her.

"You told the kids?" He pondered, smiling at the thought of being home with them. It might have been more than he got on shift but he wasn't used to being limited to a few hours with his girls each day.

"I was excited" She shook her head.

"Babe. Don't overreact" He urged cautiously, knowing it was both the best and worst thing to say to her. She was so stubborn that she'd never do what he asked in situations like these, yet holding her accountable was the easiest way to persuade her to see how unreasonably she was behaving.

"Oh I'm not overreacting" She assured. "Overreacting would involve slapping that bitch." He gaped at her, clearly having underestimated how strongly she felt, then comprehended the underlying reasoning and tipped his head like a puppy.

"You missed me that much?" He asked, struggling to keep a straight face, it was a nice thought and he wanted to smile at the notion.

"Shut. Up" She commanded, rolling her eyes and turning away again. She was thankful for the knock on the door a moment later, preventing her husband saying anything further. That was of course until the troublesome nurse poked her head into the room.

"Oh good, you're ready" Callie greeted, pushing through the door and past Erin.

"Not much point putting on a shirt" Kelly nodded, smiling at the nurse before frowning at his wife. She had to realise that he was just being friendly.

"Morning Mrs Severide" Doctor Cox supplied, pushing the door all the way open before following the nurse to Kelly's bedside setting down his clipboard on the table at the end of the bed. Erin began to like the doctor much more at that point, at least someone was acknowledging that they were married.

"Doctor, I'm looking forward to having my husband home" Erin shared, looking to the nurse as she emphasised her role yet again, glare and harsh tone gone as she tried to gain sympathy.

"I'm sure you are. And Mr Severide how are you feeling today?" Doctor Cox questioned looking to his patient.

"Fine, good. Ready to go" Kelly answered eagerly.

"Mhm, well this is looking good" The doctor commented as he checked the wound on Kelly's back, poking at it with a gloved finger. "We'll cover it for now but if it isn't irritated or rubbing against your clothing you could leave it uncovered. Just make sure you dry it well." Erin sighed and folded her arms at that. "Another few days and the stitches can come out" Doctor Cox finished.

"Sounds good" Kelly accepted.

"Now your side needs to stay dry and covered for another thirty-six hours or so, after that antiseptic cream and an adhesive dressing just like your back" The doctor informed. "Nurse Michael will demonstrate" He said, gesturing to the nurse, who had a tube of antiseptic cream and a handful of individually wrapped dressings. "You might want to watch since you'll probably have to help" The doctor suggested to Erin. She nodded and moved around the bed, not seeing it as anything particularly difficult. Apply the thick, strong smelling cream then peel and stick a dressing over it, hardly complicated though the nurse made sure her fingertips lingered on his skin.

"Is there anything else I need to know?" Erin asked the doctor, ignoring the nurse as best she could.

"Not really" He shook his head. "Common sense applies: clean and dry to prevent infection, minimal physical activity for the next week at least, follow the instructions when it comes to his painkillers – definitely don't mix them with alcohol – any shortness of breath and you should bring him back in" Doctor Cox concluded his list before looking back to Kelly. "Don't forget the breathing exercises Nat showed you this morning, they'll help in the long run but don't overdo them. Take it easy, as hard as you might find that it's the only way to speed your recovery."

"Okay, thank you for taking care of me Doc" Kelly thanked politely.

"Discharge papers for you to sign…" Doctor Cox said, retrieving his clipboard and taking a pen from his pocket before handing both to Kelly, pointing at the dotted line. "And a prescription" He added, handing it to Erin. "Two tablets three times a day with food – don't operate heavy machinery" Doctor Cox advised them both. "You're free to go" He finished with a smile, taking back the clipboard before tearing off the top sheet of paper and handing it to Kelly. "His belongings and a wheelchair" The doctor told the nurse.

"I can just walk can't I?" Kelly said, doing his best not to sound like he was complaining, it didn't bode well for poor Erin.

"Avoid unnecessary exertion" Doctor Cox reminded, three words Erin repeated in her head, she had the feeling she'd be using them before the end of the day.

"Okay, sorry" Kelly conceded, listening to the doctor had the potential to get him one step closer to gaining his wife's forgiveness. He pulled on a shirt and settled in the wheelchair, she piled bags onto his lap and, after a final word with the doctor, steered him out of the room, waving to nice nurse Linda on their way to the front exit. It wasn't until a few minutes into the drive home that Erin was able to start relaxing, her husband beside her, peacefulness filling her heart.

"I'm sorry" She murmured, softly enough that when he didn't respond she assumed he hadn't heard her. She wasn't going to repeat it though so it was a good thing he had heard and registered the apology. Reaching across she placed a hand on his leg, just above his knee, looking to him when they were next stopped at traffic lights. "I am excited to have you home babe."

"I know, and I'm going to rest, we both are" He assured, no idea what was waiting at home for them. They stopped at the pharmacy but Erin wouldn't let him get out of the car, setting the air conditioner to keep him cool as she filled the prescription and bought a few extra dressings even though the nurse had packed more than enough. She wanted to be prepared for any eventuality, but even with knowledge of Shay's excited state she wasn't totally.

From outside their house there was no sign of the chaos within, Chase had succeeded in getting the banner decorated, with Shay's help, and hung in place, but he hadn't had a chance to clean up before moving to the next activity. There were toys strewn across the lounge from a game Shay liked to call 'Hurri-crane' and the toddler had also had a hand in destroying the kitchen in search of morning tea. Ember was screaming to be fed, Chase had searched the far reaches of the freezer and concluded that they were out of expressed breast milk, when Shay had heard the car in the driveway.

"DADDY! DADA-DADA-DADA-DADA!" Shay chanted as loudly as she could leaving her siblings behind as she raced for the front door.

"Brace yourself" Erin warned as she helped her husband up the stairs slowly, the noise from inside growing louder the nearer they got to the door.

"Daaa!" Shay shrieked as the door opened, tangling her arms around his legs before attempting to climb him. If Erin hadn't been supporting him he would have fallen the toddler's approach was so forceful.

"Shay what did I say? Gentle" Erin reminded, peeling the toddler away just as Chase appeared in the hallway.

"Hey" The young man greeted as he walked toward them, wishing he had remembered to get rid of the baby carrier. Erin had told him in no uncertain terms that he was not to wear it in case it somehow damaged his shoulder further. It didn't hurt so he thought it was fine.

"Hey" Kelly returned quietly, a little overwhelmed by everything after almost a week in the bland hospital room. Chase had stopped just under the banner and just as Kelly noticed it the blu-tack gave way, still wet painted letters fluttering down at Chase. Ember screamed even more loudly, startled by the paper projectiles and Chase's rapid movements to catch them before they hit the floor.

"Sorry" Chase apologised, noticing a smudge of paint on the wall but also the disapproving look on both his parent's faces, or at least that was how he interpreted their expressions.

"Go sit down" Erin instructed, nudging her husband toward the lounge room.

"Thanks guys, I like – liked it" Kelly offered Chase as he passed, knowing the young man was responsible for the banner though the toddler at his heels had clearly helped, the glitter a dead giveaway.

"I told you not to wear this" Erin complained as she removed Ember from the baby carrier, trying to quiet her and avoid the wet paint and knotted string. "It was a good idea, I'll help you clean up when she's settled" She added, feeling bad when it was clear Chase had tried hard to do something nice for Kelly. "Sit" She repeated more firmly as she came up behind her husband, he was catching his breath while leaning against the lounge room doorframe. There was a big difference between getting down the hospital corridor to the nurse's station and getting out of the car, up their front stairs and into their house. She saw the mess in the lounge room a second later, the squirming baby in her arms making it impossible for her to clear off a space for them to sit.

"Might head up to bed" Kelly suggested, the look in her eyes revealing how hard her mind was working to figure out a way to tidy as quickly as possible.

"Babe, you need to rest, there are lots of stairs" She argued, trying to get Ember to cooperate being held in one arm. The baby was absolutely frantic, trying to get to her mother's breast with uncoordinated, flailing limbs.

"Yeah but once I'm up there…" He reasoned, trailing off as he turned away and started towards the stairs, a hand on the wall to steady himself. Chase had detached the disaster of a banner from the wall and dragged it through to the dining room, leaving a clear path for Kelly. Shay looked to her mother as if to ask if she was really going to let him attempt the stairs then rushed after him. Erin was fighting to keep hold of the baby but still managed to make her way up the stairs behind her husband, occasionally freeing a hand in time to assist him, pleasantly surprised by how helpful Shay was being. It wasn't easy but they eventually made it to their bedroom, Kelly slowly sinking onto the bed while Erin calmed Ember enough to feed her. Shay ran off and returned with the pillows from her bed and Chase's, thinking her father might need them since he had had so many pillows at the hospital. Kelly accepted them and a cautious cuddle gratefully.

"I'm sorry baby" Erin apologised, Kelly didn't know if she was speaking to him or the infant she was feeding. He didn't think she owed either of them an apology, doing her best under the circumstances.

"Mmm" He hummed in response, it could sound like an acknowledgment of her apology or simply an exclamation of pleasure at being home and comfortable. They were quiet for a long time if the sucking and slurping noises Ember made weren't counted, Shay content to lay still after a busy and emotionally exhausting morning. Chase joined them some time later, lingering at the doorway then settling on the end of the bed.

"I got the paint off the wall" He informed with an apologetic shrug, almost wishing he hadn't gone to the trouble since it hadn't gone at all to plan.

"Maybe once it's dry you can hang it back up… in here so I can see it" Kelly suggested encouragingly, appreciating the thought and effort more than the finished product.

"Yeah Chasey, glitters makes better-a" Shay contributed before going back to concentrating on patting her father's stomach softly.

"You know what else make me feel better?" Kelly quizzed rhetorically. "Being home with you all."

"Mmm, it is nice" Erin nodded, smiling at each of them in turn.

"Well we're not going anywhere" Chase assured, laying down with his legs over the edge in the little unoccupied space there was, sighing deeply as he got comfortable. They spent the rest of the day together on a bed most would say wasn't big enough for five, napping, talking, reading and enjoying each other's company. Chase and Shay ventured to the kitchen to make lunch, bringing ham and salad wraps back up to eat in bed. Kelly's lunchtime dose of medication knocked him out for a few hours and when he woke he was glad to see Erin asleep. Ordering pizza for a traditional Severide in-bed pizza party celebration he made sure she didn't have to worry about cooking.

**Thank you for reading :D**


	189. Chapter 189

The buzz and trill of the mobile phone cut through the early morning quiet with maddening ease, efficiently waking the person nearest the device. Kelly was used to the low tones and shrill beeps of the hospital monitors, not recognising this other noise until he opened his eyes. It took a second but then he remembered where he was, home, scrabbling for the phone before it woke the other occupants of the bed. "Hello?" He answered groggily after the phone call finally connected on the third swipe of his thumb.

"Lieutenant Severide?" The deep even voice questioned, Kelly had just woken up and his voice analysis wasn't great but he could tell that if the person on the other end wasn't a lawyer he definitely spent the majority of his time in a suit. Kelly grunted affirmatively as he tried to shift out from underneath Shay, her head resting against his shoulder, arm draped possessively around his neck. "Captain Paul Sampson, CFD" The caller identified. Kelly had given up moving with the first sharp stab of pain from his back to the wound on his side, it felt as if he had been run through the pain was so intense. He hadn't made any verbal acknowledgement though apparently the sound of his breathing sufficed as a response. "I'm responsible for investigating the incident that led to yourself and one of your men being seriously injured. I have just been informed you were discharged yesterday, I hope you're on the mend, I'm sure you understand though the importance of beginning the interview process as soon as possible" The Captain finished.

"Yeah" Kelly croaked softly, feeling his wife begin to stir next to him.

"I expect you'll make yourself available on Monday morning then. Feel free to bring your union rep" Captain Sampson stated, making it very clear he thought Kelly would need one to survive whatever blame they were going to put on him.

"Okay, sure" He agreed, not sure how he would manage the outing into the city but determined that he was at least going to face whatever they had to say head on. That had been his approach in the past and it hadn't failed him yet.

"I'll see you then" Sampson finished, giving every impression he was about to terminate the call before adding, "Lieutenant, this isn't the first time..."

"I understand that" Kelly asserted, as if it would ever help to have past mistakes rubbed in his face. "But–" He began, keen to set the record straight.

"Monday, 9am" Sampson interrupted before promptly hanging up, the sudden beep deafening to Kelly's alert ears. With a heavy sigh he twisted his arm and set the phone back on the bedside table, wishing he hadn't bothered to charge it up and turn it back on the previous day. While knew the benefits he also hadn't complained about surrendering the device to the nurses, it had been nice not to let the gadget dictate his existence if only for a week.

"Who was that?" Erin murmured sleepily, adjusting Ember's sleep heavy body from her chest to cradled in an arm beside her.

"No one" Kelly dismissed with a slight shake of his head, reaching for her but falling short, his hand settling on Shay's back instead. He could tell from the way she inhaled that she wasn't satisfied with his answer, after all they had both been woken by the no one. She deserved an explanation. "The department found out I was discharged" He shared softly.

"Oh?" She questioned, wanting more information still.

"Just the usual, go back to sleep" He advised, it was certainly what he wanted to do. She relaxed for a moment but then he heard the rustle of the covers as she rolled to look at the clock.

"You need breakfast and your pain meds" She informed as a result.

"Babe, just lie here with me for a few minutes" He requested, shifting in the hope he could make contact with her. If only their daughters weren't wedged in between them making it impossible.

"Our girls could sleep through anything" She pointed out, slightly amused by their ability to sleep through so much noise and movement. It was getting them to sleep that was the difficulty.

"Mm, pretty much" He agreed, rolling slightly so that at the very least he could see her, and the little people they were referring to.

"When we're both here that is" Erin clarified after admiring Shay and Ember for a moment, they both had perfect cherry blossom pink lips and the finest eyelashes she had ever seen.

"How's Em?" Kelly questioned, looking to the smaller of the two when he'd finished brushing Shay's wild hair back from her face. He had been shocked by how demanding the infant had been the day before, accustomed to the happy smiley baby who visited him in hospital. On her best behaviour though it was clearly not something her mother could control.

"Full now, better" She assured, pulling her singlet back up into place. She'd given the baby the freedom to nurse whenever she wanted overnight, plump abdomen indicating Ember had taken advantage of the opportunity. "I haven't been able to feed her reliably…" She justified on the baby's behalf. It made sense she would fuss excessively when her self-dictated feeding schedule had become non-existent, adjusted to her mother's availability.

"What do you mean?" He enquired, concerned that his wife had been under enough stress that it was impacting her ability to produce milk for their baby.

"I've been busy… I'm haven't been making enough to store for her when I'm out" She explained guiltily, it was easy to feel as if she was starving her baby when she had really only cut down by one feed a day. She had been trying to make up for it by feeding her longer, except Ember had a habit of falling asleep before she was truly full.

"Well you won't be busy now that I'm here, you can rest and eat proper food" He concluded, convinced that if it was an issue it was in the past.

"Pizza was your idea" She defended almost instantly.

"True, sorry… I was thinking with my tastebuds. Hospital pizza scarred me for life, I swear" He vowed passionately, just thinking of the cardboard-like crust, smear of something that tasted nothing like tomato and sprinkle of cheese the hospital called pizza made him angry.

"She's asleep do you want her?" She changed subject, lifting Ember as she moved to sit up.

"You're getting up?" He asked disappointedly, he had been enjoying the time together, it wasn't that they hadn't had any while he was in hospital, it was just far more comfortable in a bed designed for more than one person.

"Mhm" She confirmed as she sat up, dangling the sleeping baby over his chest.

"Yeah, come here Emmy-bear" He cooed softly, guiding her hands to lay the baby on his chest, keeping her in place with a hand on her back.

"You going to be alright? I'm going downstairs" She cautioned, he looked content with a daughter in each arm but if he needed to get up for any reason he would require assistance she couldn't render if she couldn't hear him.

"We'll be fine, promise" He assured, patting both little girls soothingly, somewhat surprised they were both still deeply asleep.

"Okay" She accepted, getting out of bed.

"Babe" He called when she had rounded the end of the bed, tugging her sleep shirt straight then twisting her hair up on top of her head to keep it out of the way.

"Yeah?" She asked, certain he had changed his mind and wanted her to transfer Ember to her crib. It made sense that with the damage to his lung extra weight on his chest would impede his ability to breathe even further.

"Kiss" He requested, jutting out his chin in the best beckoning motion he could coordinate. She sighed, trying to sound frustrated though the smile on her face told another story, and approached. Bending at the middle she pressed a light, lingering kiss to his lips.

"Love you" she murmured as she straightened, on her way into the bathroom before he had a chance to reply.

"I love you" He whispered regardless, kissing the top of Ember's head and Shay's cheek in two smooth movements. Erin took her time in the bathroom, pausing only briefly in the bedroom to pull on pants before making her way downstairs. Kelly listened to her moving through the house for a few moments then turned his attention to his daughters, they looked so serene. Innocent too, back in their father's arms where he could protect them from the evils of the world. "I'm sorry" He apologised, he should never have left them. That thought led him to remember the accident, he was so sure that was what it had been, an accident. He had followed procedure, as much as he could have when there couldn't be procedure for every eventuality in their line of work. The ropes he had chosen were rated to more than the weight of the panel and his men had done the right thing on the roof, apart from the wind everything had been in their favour, correct equipment and set up. It had been a freak accident and that's exactly what he planned on telling Captain Sampson on Monday morning, if he could figure out a way to get that past his wife without causing further stress.

No more than half an hour later Erin returned to the bedroom, followed closely by Chase, both with plates in their hands. Erin was glad to see both girls awake, ushering Shay to her side of the bed before handing over the toddler's breakfast. A smaller serve of the toast and scrambled eggs her father had was still enough to make quite the mess if Erin didn't supervise her closely. With Ember in his wife's lap Kelly was free to prop himself up using the pillows discarded to the floor in the night and begin eating. Erin had set the other dish she held, a small bowl on the bedside table but once everyone else had started eating she retrieved it, mashing the small portion of banana then remembering to retrieve a bib before starting to spoon feed Ember. The baby wasn't as thrilled as she had been when desperately hungry but cooperated in sucking and swallowing a few decent mouthfuls, much to her father's delight. That was the main motivation behind the idea, Erin quite sure the baby didn't need more food.

"Where's yours?" Kelly asked, wiping his plate with the last of his toast before stuffing it into his mouth.

"I already ate" Erin brushed off, concentrating on coaxing the baby to take another spoonful of banana.

"What?" He demanded a little too forcefully, the temperature of the scrambled egg alone was enough for him to deduce that she hadn't eaten any.

"Toast" She snapped back, giving him a warning look before looking back to Ember, scooping the banana dribbling down the baby's chin back into her little mouth. She had eaten, admittedly only because she'd burned the toast and knew that none of them would want to eat it.

"And?" He pressed, toast wasn't enough in his opinion, or the opinion of any rational person who knew she was supposed to be eating for herself and a baby.

"Banana" She added frustratedly, very glad that Chase had taken Shay downstairs in search of a banana so they didn't have to witness what she felt was a humiliating exchange. Ember had given up eating so Erin shoved a spoonful of slightly lumpy mashed banana into her mouth for good measure. Kelly sighed exasperatedly, it drove him mad when she acted as if he didn't have cause to worry. He didn't comprehend that she'd eaten three quarters of the banana she'd mashed whilst cooking their breakfast but he still wouldn't have approved that little food. Thinking back she hadn't really eaten enough the night before either, two slices of pizza, he'd been too busy savouring each of the five slices he had consumed to bring it up though.

"I'm not hungry" She told him firmly, not even sure why she was bothering when whatever she did didn't seem good enough for him. He shook his head, turning away from her to take the two little white pills she'd set on the bedside table alongside a glass of water for him. They didn't communicate but he took Ember while she gathered the dishes, passing Chase and Shay on the stairs. She gave the young man instructions to make sure Shay didn't make a mess with her banana, the toddler wasn't hungry just jealous, then to help her get cleaned up and dressed. She wasn't sure how much of what she asked he would end up doing because when she headed back up to the bedroom after putting away their dishes they appeared to have settled onto the bed.

"Mama" Shay called as her mother, now dressed in denim shorts and a t-shirt, emerged from the bathroom.

"What's up princess?" Erin questioned attentively, attempting to make up for the lack of eye contact as she assessed the contents of their laundry basket critically.

"Dada saided I read him af'er bweckie. I read you too" The toddler explained and offered sweetly.

"I'm a bit busy at the moment sorry Shay, maybe later" She reasoned gently, collecting the basket and heading for the door before the toddler could say something to change her mind.

"Busy?" Kelly enquired curiously.

"The house isn't going to clean itself…" She replied over her shoulder as she left the room. Kelly's renewed frustration with his wife didn't last long, Shay 'reading' Blue Fish's Wish to him, Chase and Ember. Her voice confident and the story smooth and perfectly memorized, it was clearly something she had been practicing given the huge improvement since the last time he had heard her 'read'. He wondered if his wife was aware of the achievement, missing out because she was determined to clean. Admittedly there was a lot of work to be done, given the lounge and dining rooms were still a mess from Chase's morning entertaining Shay, they were at least two loads behind on washing and she hadn't washed the breakfast dishes or taken out the garbage and recycling. She had most of the cleaning done in time to make them lunch, miniature vegetable quiches baked in a muffin tray. Taking them upstairs she made sure to eat one more than she needed to appease her husband, the time cleaning also time enough to think that maybe he wasn't actually being unreasonable.

"Thank you" Kelly mouthed when he caught her eye, proving to her that he had been watching how much she ate. She only found it annoying because it conveyed a low level trust issue, she needed him to trust that she wasn't intentionally starving herself. Unconsciously making poor choices and prioritising everyone over herself except the baby who relied upon her. She gave him an apologetic half smile in response and encouraged Ember to keep drinking, her pace had slowed but she wasn't exhibiting any signs of sleepiness. Erin persisted until Ember's lazy sucking was only causing milk to dribble down her chin, the baby still grasping and playing with her fingers. Shay was just as awake and alert, both girls behaving as if it wasn't their usual nap time, one of the few elements of their routine that Erin had been able to maintain. Chase, who felt guilty for not contributing to cleaning up the mess he had been responsible for creating, wanted to do something to help out his parents.

"I'll take them to the park" Chase suggested quietly, looking to Erin for approval.

"PARK?" Shay screeched unexpectedly, exactly what Chase had been trying to avoid by keeping his voice down. Any chance Erin had had at getting Ember calm enough to sleep was gone, the baby taking her sisters exclamation as reason to start squalling.

"That's a good idea" Kelly contributed, looking to his wife for her opinion.

"Okay, if you want to" Erin nodded, immediately subjected to a crushing hug from the two year old who had been watching them intently for a decision.

"Tire 'em out" Chase reasoned as he reached across for Ember, Shay was already sliding her way off the bed.

"Thanks" She added, stretching after him to tug down the leg of Ember's mint green leggings.

"No problem, is it princess?" Chase asked, catching up to the toddler and taking her hand. Shay looked up at him, face contorted in absolute confusion. "Not at all" He told her, likely only adding to her confused state. "Wave bye-bye to Mama and Dada" He instructed, looking back at the couple sitting on the bed, he sensed they could do with some time to talk. Or sleep, either way he hoped giving them a break from parenting would prove useful.

"Bye-bye" Kelly returned, waving eagerly to the smiling toddler and disinterested baby. Erin waved once or twice, getting up from the bed the moment they left the room. "Er, come back here" He requested firmly the moment he saw what she was doing, patting the space next to him. She hadn't sat there and she hadn't slept there either, the closest they had been to each other all day was during the kiss he'd had to ask for that morning.

"I have stuff to do" She shook her head, backing away.

"Please" He pleaded, she considered it for a second but the thud of the front door closing reminded her of all there was left to do downstairs. There was more washing, vacuuming, probably some wiping down or dusting too if she really wanted to make the place spotless. "Let me tell you what I think you're doing…" He offered, eyes looking deeper into her than she was comfortable with in that moment.

"Cleaning" She snorted, looking away.

"Er" He called softly, tone indicating he was losing patience. She sighed but slowly began to move back towards the bed, setting their lunch dishes down on the bedside table before sitting down with her back to him. "I know you're angry with me."

"No! I'm not" She denied rapidly, twisting around to look at him in shock. He tipped his head and let his eyebrows form a look that made it clear he wanted the truth. She just frowned so he extended a hand out towards her, though she wanted to keep her distance, for reasons she didn't quite understand, she knew it was his sore arm and so grasped it. He pulled steadily until she shuffled backward across the bed, laying back with her head at his middle, bodies at a right angle to each other.

"You are, you're doing exactly what you did when I got back from Colorado, distancing yourself so you don't have to process all the emotions you're feeling. You're angry that I got hurt, that I let myself be in a position where I could get hurt. You're probably a little pissed at me for letting Chase get hurt as well" He started to explain, she didn't know how he was doing it but it didn't take her long to realise that he was right. "You were scared and worried and you don't like to feel those things so you've pushed your feelings aside. You've used the girls as a distraction, an excuse to delay this but it's pretty obvious to me. You don't have to be strong anymore, not for me or for them. Quite the opposite, you need to show them that it's okay to be angry and upset when someone you love gets hurt. That's what love is baby. And we love each other a whole lot, I love you more than anything" He finished softly, trailing his fingers across her bare stomach having pulled her shirt up and out of the way. She didn't answer for such a long time, only the slightest sniffle letting him in on the effect of his words. He began to worry that he'd sparked some sort of meltdown when she curled herself into a tight ball against his side, hot tears soaking through his shirt seconds later. "Baby" He breathed apologetically, rubbing at her back as best he could.

"I love you more than anything" She returned, hiccupping when she looked up at him. "I'm sorry."

"And I'm sorry too" He agreed, pulling her body tighter against his before leaning forward and finding her lips. It was easy for them to get carried away, the emotion thick in the air filling them with thankfulness. "You alright?" He questioned when she finally put a stop to things, sitting up and away from him.

"Mhm" She affirmed quietly, still trying to put herself back together, there was considerably less of a weight to carry but it was still a tiring process to contain everything.

"I need to rest, and I am, but you do to" He told her, recognising the look on her face, masked exhaustion. "I really appreciate everything you've done but we should take a few days to get back on track, take things easy for a bit. Cleaning can wait…" He proposed, not entirely sure how she would react. Her expression remained neutral so he continued. "We need more days like yesterday, just being together as a family and relaxing… But at the same time you don't have to change your schedule just because I'm home, you can still do all the wonderful stuff you do with our girls."

"It's too late to take them to the library and you're right – again" She conceded, even after crumbling before him it was difficult to admit. "I want to rest, hopefully Shay and Em will too when they get back."

"But on Monday…" Kelly prompted, seizing the opportunity to test his powers of suggestion.

"We have yoga in the morning" Erin provided, smiling as she remembered just how much she had hated the prenatal yoga classes she'd taken while pregnant with Shay. So much had changed.

"It'll be good for the girls to get back to normal" He suggested strategically.

"But Chase has a PT session then" She informed, as if that made attending yoga impossible.

"So drop him off on your way" Kelly shrugged, not realising that transport wasn't the problem. "Or even better make him take the train." He had nothing against the young adult but for the way his wife was always coddling the man.

"I don't want to leave you home alone" She disagreed, the real issue.

"I'll be fine by Monday" He assured, hoping that was the truth because otherwise his meeting with Captain Sampson could get interesting. "How long does yoga go for anyway?"

"Two hours, eight thirty to ten thirty" She answered, still uncertain she should be leaving him home alone. She could always call one of their friends and ask a favour.

"But you usually hang around for a bit afterwards? With Sharron and Cait?" He asked, sounding especially interested.

"Yeah" She acknowledged, too busy trying to work out who it would be best to ask over to notice his strange behaviour.

"I'll be fine, it'll be good for you too, yoga's supposed to be relaxing right?" He asserted, determined that she attend the class so he didn't have to tell her about the meeting. He knew she would support him, likely even go with him, if he told her but he didn't want to add stress when she clearly had more than enough on her plate already.

"Something like that" She shrugged, the squirming toddler always made it more interesting.

"Good, you deserve to relax."

"It would be nice to get back" Erin confessed, having missed that time bonding with Shay.

"Oh that's right, you stopped going because of Ruby" He remembered, feeling as if he'd just discovered the one fault in his plan.

"It's hard to manage three…" She said in defence of her decision to not even attempt the class with three children under three.

"Yeah I understand" He assured, about as far from criticising her as possible. "But what's going on with Ruby?"

"Hayden found her a temporary place at a daycare center" Erin explained. "Our old daycare center with Nina… Another kid is on vacation so there was a place and I called in a favour, they owe us for not suing anyway" She justified, thinking of her mother for the first time in a long time.

"I'm still angry about that" Kelly shared quietly, frowning as he remembered how worried he had been that their tiny baby was missing.

"I know, me too" She agreed, though it wasn't true, anger the wrong word to describe how she felt. Disappointed fit better, that her mother had interfered with her baby, that it reminded her of Bunny's failings during her childhood. The woman still hadn't deserved the end she met, a bullet in a dark alley. Erin let it all go at the sound of her children arriving home, giving her husband a kiss before going to greet them. Ember was asleep in the pram and Shay was practically asleep on her feet, Chase unable to carry her with his injured arm. Erin took the toddler up to bed while Chase took the baby. He sought permission from both parents before heading out to pay a surprise visit to his girlfriend. Erin and Kelly both napped while the girls did, Kelly continuing to sleep when Erin took Shay downstairs. They made cupcakes, because Shay wanted to but also with morning tea at yoga on Monday in mind. Remaining in the kitchen they tossed together an Asian-style stir fry with egg noodles Shay loved to play with more than she liked to eat. Kelly surprised them by making it downstairs for dinner, Chase arriving back just in time to join them. It was almost as if nothing had happened, a normal family dinner at the table followed by TV for the boys, a bath for Shay and then a bedtime story they all enjoyed. With everyone in their rightful bed they were guaranteed a decent night's sleep.

**I liked this one, I feel like it's been a while since I've said that… I certainly hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for all the awesome reviews I've gotten lately, keep them coming, I love to hear your reactions and predictions :D**

**Have a wonderful day/night lovely people!**


	190. Chapter 190

"Is that good bubba?" Erin questioned softly, slouching a little against the back of the couch to counter the infant's weight in her arms. Big grey-blue eyes shone up at her and the corners of Ember's mouth turned up at the sound of her voice, causing a temporary loss of suction. "Sorry" She chuckled lightly as the baby squirmed, raising her little hands to press against either side of the breast, turning her head slightly so creamy flesh would dominate her vision, mouth settling back to a steady rhythm, concentrating on the task at hand. "Good girl" Erin whispered, beginning to rub and pat Ember's back as they both relaxed into the moment.

Erin watched her baby intently for a few minutes, stroking soft skin and hair as she admired chubby cheeks, fingers, and legs that had the stretchy sleeper almost bursting at the seams. It had always been a struggle to get Ember into the right clothing size, big but not tall and with brand sizing variation to take into account. She had been wrong to think that having already had a daughter they wouldn't need to buy more baby clothes, with birthday's three months apart the seasons conflicted with the sizes of outfits they already owned. Shay had worn the sleeper at six and seven months old, looking cute in the fluffy duckling print, it was almost too tight around four month old Ember's thighs for Erin to permit; a wakeup call that her baby was growing up. Maybe just another few nights and the ducklings would be retired along with dozens of other outfits the baby had barely gotten to wear before outgrowing. All of a sudden she felt the desire to have another, it took her quite by surprise and Ember must have picked up on it, stopping sucking she gaped up at her mother.

"Shh, it's okay bub, just you and me" Erin promised as she shook the thought from her head. The questions didn't go though: Were the girls she had not enough to make her happy? Was it even fair to associate happiness with new lives like that? Wasn't she already struggling to divide herself in four for her family? She no longer trusted herself to think, resettling Ember before reaching for the remote, the race to get the volume down quick enough occupied her thoughts for a moment, then there was the task of finding something worth watching. Grinning when she found a channel running a rerun marathon of her favourite medical show she settled back to watch. "Just like it used to be huh? You, me and the TV at… two am" Erin told the baby in the first advert break, smiling. Something magical happened after midnight, time seemed to pass differently, maybe it was just her mind realising she wasn't going to sleep or maybe it was that she didn't want the long after-hours moments spent mothering to end.

Erin didn't feel tired at the end of the first episode, even as Ember's eyelids started to droop. Shifting each time the baby stopped sucking she tried to draw out the feed for as long as possible in the hope she could make up for their terribly erratic week. "I love you Ember" She breathed when the baby finally slept, lifting her to lay along her chest rather than across it, letting her lips ghost through the soft brown fuzz atop the baby's head before placing a loving kiss at her hairline. They stayed like that until the credits rolled again, erasing all trace of their presence before sneaking back upstairs.

* * *

"What about this one?" Erin quizzed, flipping the puzzle piece and giving the toddler the chance to see the letter. She knew the two year old would remember it.

"Sss!" Shay provided with ease, snatching the obscure cardboard shape and beginning the task of forcing it into its place.

"You're so smart" Erin praised, smiling encouragingly at her daughter. "Do you know any words that start with Sss?" She prompted, waiting until the toddler was bending the piece to render assistance, turning it slightly so that Shay just had to pat it into place.

"Shay! Das me" The toddler shared excitedly, pointing to herself and giggling before slamming her fist down onto the puzzle, ensuring the 'S' piece wasn't going anywhere but dislodging the first few letters at the same time.

"Any others?" She urged quickly, hoping the toddler would think of words and let her put the puzzle back together. They were having a lot of fun and Shay was quickly learning to recognise the letters and corresponding sounds but she was uncoordinated and destructive when it came to actually putting the puzzle pieces together.

"Shay…Shhh-shoe?" The toddler proposed uncertainly.

"Yep" Erin confirmed. "Sss" She reiterated, wanting Shay to think of words that started with 'S' not 'Sh'.

"Sssss-silly" Shay dragged out until she could think of a word, clapping excitedly at her own ability to come up with one.

"Mhm."

"Sss-Satday" Shay suggested next, grinning gleefully as she tried to think of more.

"Yeah, that's a good one. Today is Saturday" Erin agreed, reaching across give the toddler a high five.

"Sss-at-UuuRrr-DAY!" Shay sounded out slowly before flopping forward onto her stomach to trace the 'S' on the puzzle piece with her pointer finger.

"Which letters are they? Sat-ur-day?" She challenged, gesturing to the puzzle and the nineteen letters they had in place.

"Sss" Shay began, sitting up to reach for the next one. "Aa, Aa-apple!"

"Yeah" Erin agreed, nodding enthusiastically, particularly pleased that the toddler had been able to remember and distinguish the sound. She was eager to see if Shay would be able to keep going.

"T-t-t-t…" Shay tutted, frowning as she looked over the letters before her, she couldn't remember any of them making that sound.

"This one is t" Erin offered when she noticed her mistake, quickly adding the 'T' piece to the puzzle right next to the 'S'.

"Urrrr…" Shay continued, unfazed by the late addition of the 'T'. She leaned forward and touched the 'E' piece, looking up to her mother to check. Erin was preoccupied sorting through the remaining pieces in the stack for the 'U' and didn't notice the toddler's curious gaze until she held up the 'U' triumphantly and placed it next to the 'T'.

"Ur is this one and this one together" Erin explained, pointing first to the newest addition then to the 'R'. "You're good at this" She reiterated when Shay reached touched each of the pieces in turn, committing them to memory.

"UR" Shay repeated, stumped for a moment she had to pause to remember what she was doing. "Satur…DAY!"

"Dd" Erin provided.

"Dada!" Shay recalled, rising onto her knees to point to the letter she'd associated with the person sleeping upstairs.

"Good job. Aa again?" She prompted, letting her hand drift across to just above the letter even though Shay had already proved she knew it.

"A-apple" Shay recited as she tapped the letter.

"Yep and the last one is this one, 'Y'" Erin explained as she produced the final letter from the word.

"Why?"

"Yeah, 'Y'" She nodded, thinking the toddler was repeating the letter name.

"No, why?" Shay questioned, taking the puzzle piece from her mother and inspecting it closely.

"Because that's the sound it makes, Yy" Erin explained, not sure how else to phrase it to enhance the toddler's understanding. Shay seemed to accept that, fiddling and twisting the shape around in her hands as she looked to the next space for reference.

"Mine!" Shay screeched when Erin tried to take the letter from her, planning to set it approximately in the right position for them to come back to when they reached it.

"No, Shay it doesn't go next" She warned, the toddler determined to fit the piece in the space.

"Why?" She demanded frustratedly, pressing harder in attempt to make the piece comply.

"Remember I told you they go in a special order?" Erin asked calmly, she didn't want their early morning game to end in upset, not when they had been having so much fun learning.

"Why?" Shay whined pathetically, giving up on the puzzle piece and instead looking up to her mother for an explanation.

"Um… I don't actually know" Erin shrugged, alphabetical order was alphabetical order, she had no idea why and even if she did she doubted she could explain it to a two year old. "Come on Shay, we're almost finished, put this one in" She urged, handing the toddler the 'V' piece. The toddler immediately slapped it down, overlapping the 'U' such that the protrusion at the top wouldn't clip into place.

"No I do it Mummy!" Shay complained loudly when her mother tried to adjust the piece to prevent any further frustration arising.

"Okay, you can do it" She conceded, holding up both her hands to indicate her surrender. "Try not to bend it though" She requested, the toddler's little fingers struggling to grip the puzzle piece without deforming it.

"Shhh, I do it" Shay snapped, frowning at her mother before continuing to struggle. Erin watched on for a whole minute before reaching over and nudging the piece into place, unable to stop herself.

"Sorry" She apologised quickly, surprised when the toddler giggled instead of glared.

"Sorry…" Shay echoed, knowing she needn't have reacted so strongly when her mother was only trying to help her do it properly. "What 'dis one?" She questioned, pointing to the 'V'.

"That one is–" Erin began.

"Daddy!" Shay shrieked, pointing past her mother to the doorway where her father stood, holding a wide awake Ember in his arm.

"Good morning" Erin greeted softly as she turned to look at her husband.

"Morning ladies" He returned cheerfully, handing his wife the baby before settling on the couch to catch his breath. He was starting to get used to the fact that the stairs were ten times as difficult as they had once been, before the accident he could get up or down them in seconds, now it took him minutes to recover.

"Beautiful girl" Erin mumbled as she cuddled the happy baby to her chest, Kelly getting the same treatment from Shay.

"Ooh a puzzle?" He questioned when he saw what they had been working on.

"I doing letters Daddy!" Shay announced, slipping off his lap to stand over and point at the puzzle.

"Letters?! Awesome, can you show me?" He asked, receiving a smile and nod of approval from his wife as he nodded to encourage the toddler. Shay crouched down and pointed to the first letter.

"Aa Aa for Apple!" She announced joyously. "Bb for Baaa-nana…Cc for Kitty Cat"

"Just cat" Erin interjected, they'd talked about the word 'kitty' when they'd encountered the letter 'K'. She had justified the somewhat confusing similarity of the letter sounds by saying there were too many for only one letter, the toddler had accepted it for the time being.

"Cc Cat…and Dd-Dd Da-da!" Shay shared, thrilled to be able to share what she had learned.

"Wow, that's so cool princess" Kelly praised, beaming at his little girl then looking to his wife.

"I gots more but. I knows 'em all Daddy" Shay informed the moment his eyes and attention shifted away from her. "I so smart" She bragged as she moved towards him aganin, she wanted him to be as proud of her as she was of herself.

"Yes you are" He confirmed, taking her by the shoulders and kissing her forehead when she went to climb back onto his lap. "You can show me the rest in a minute. Let me say hello to Mama first?" He requested gently, not wanting to detract from Shay's excitement but keen to speak with his wife.

"Umkay" Shay accepted, a hint of disappointment in her eyes until she looked back to the puzzle, there were still a few pieces she needed to finish before she showed him properly.

"How long have you been up?" Kelly enquired, eyes finding Erin's as Shay grabbed for the remaining pieces. His wife hadn't been there beside him when he'd woken to use the bathroom in the very early morning but she did look as if she'd slept, just maybe not enough.

"Not too long" Erin dismissed, helping Shay by pointing to the piece that went next. The toddler had newfound patience thanks to her father's presence, twisting and wriggling until the piece slid into place.

"That's impressive" He commented, pointing to the toddler.

"She learns really quickly" Erin shrugged, it hadn't been any effort at all, in fact it had been a lot of fun to think of words that Shay would know. "How are you feeling? Did you get enough sleep?" She questioned, a little concerned to see him up and out of bed already, it was okay for him to come down for dinner but she worried he wouldn't want to go back up during the day.

"Yeah, better" He assured, trying his best to push aside her anxiety.

"I'll get breakfast started if you want to finish that with her…" She paused, realising what she was saying, she did not want to encourage him to sit on the floor. "Or watch TV" She suggested instead, knowing they'd find a cartoon or sport game watch together on the couch.

"I can get myself a bowl of cereal" He grumbled. "Give Em here and you finish it with her, I'll watch" He insisted, wishing he had timed his arrival better such that he hadn't interfered with their game.

"Remote's on the coffee table" Erin informed unemotively when she got up with a sigh after leaning forward to kiss the top of Shay's head. Leaving her husband to frown all he liked, she was going to fuss over him, it was her duty as a wife.

* * *

Erin knocked once, then twice, entering when the muffled response reached her ears. Chase's bedroom was always neat and tidy, there wasn't really enough space for much of a mess but still everything had its place and was in it. "Hey" She greeted as she moved to sit at the corner of his bed closest the door and furthest from the young man. Watching and waiting as he sat up, took off his headphones, hung them around his neck and set the laptop aside, looking to her attentively.

"Hey" He returned, confirming that he was ready to listen.

"How are you feeling?" She questioned, seizing the opportunity to lean forward, snatching the bottle of pain medication from the nearer bedside table. It said a lot to her that he distanced himself from them physically.

"Getting better range of motion, doing my exercises… taking those" Chase replied hesitantly, gesturing to the simple white pills she was tipping onto her palm.

"Mm" She acknowledged, focused on counting in twos for a moment. "You've missed a few doses" She concluded, twisting the lid back on when she'd replaced the contents. He had asked her to keep a close eye on him even after a heart to heart with Kelly, she wished the doctor hadn't told her son that they were highly addictive, scaring him unnecessarily. Chase wasn't tempted to take more than he was supposed to or in any way inclined to return to his former lifestyle, instead avoiding them unless he was in considerable pain. And even then he'd try to take his mind off it with a movie or a nap instead.

"Yeah well… you know" He shrugged.

"Chase, there's a reason I check in like this instead of dispensing them to you. I trust you. I trust that you're doing the right thing with them" She assured, maintaining eye contact so he could see how serious she was. Because he was right, she did know exactly what he was feeling. "But I don't want you hurting, that's just as bad… I trust you to take them when you need them. Like now."

"I overdid it this morning" He accepted softly, blinking rapidly so as not to show any emotion. She handed him the bottle but then took over when his shaky hands couldn't get past the safety seal. He took the medication without complaint, swallowing hard to fight the urge to vomit that arose purely from his mental conflict. Sure his addiction had escalated from pain pills to much worse substances before he'd truly lost sight of himself but that was where it had all started. He couldn't do it again.

"Have you seen Shay?" She questioned, knowing the toddler had likely visited her older brother at some point during the early afternoon.

"Yeah, she came in to tell me all about… Viagra Falls" He snorted, unable to keep a straight face though he had managed for the toddler.

"That was your Dad" Erin defended, shaking her head and massaging her forehead.

"How? Why?" Chase posed, trying to understand but also trying to stop laughing, she was two, of course she hadn't thought it up herself.

"We were doing her alphabet puzzle first thing this morning, it kept her quiet while you were sleeping, coming up with words for each letter. Your Dad took over when I went to make breakfast, I come back and she's on about 'Viagra Falls' and he's trying to get her to stop saying it" She explained. "You know what she's like–"

"The less you want her to say something the more likely she will" He contributed with a knowing look, he'd been caught out more than once as a result of the toddler repeating something he'd said.

"Exactly. Turns out it was the only 'V' word he could think of 'under pressure'… It wasn't until she asked for an explanation that he realised what he'd said. He tried to confuse her with Niagara but we'd already done 'N' so she wasn't going to fall for it… So now I have a two year old who talks about Viagra and I'm not sure I can take her out in public" She sighed, allowing it so sound like a joke though she would have to have a serious talk with the toddler before taking her out of the house.

"It's so innocent though, unlike Dad's thoughts, which have always been questionable" Chase reminded, just in case she didn't already know.

"Yeah... feeling any better yet?" Erin changed the subject.

"Mhm" He nodded, the medication was starting to take effect.

"Good. I wanted to talk to you about your PT session in the morning. Would you be able to get there by yourself? Because I'm going to get the girls out of the house for a bit, take them to yoga, but I don't want to drop you off half an hour early and pick you up late as well…" She reasoned uncertainly, willing to give up on the idea of attending yoga if he wanted her to join him for another PT session.

"You're leaving Dad home alone?" He questioned, clearly surprised by the revelation and thinking it far more fascinating than the rest of what she had said.

"Yeah, he'll just rest, even if it is on the couch watching last year's hockey games like today" She justified, having observed her husband almost all day she was sure he could manage a few hours alone.

"That was fun. And I'm sure I can get to PT, I can use the car right?" He asked, not letting on that the whole situation was a blessing in disguise. He wouldn't be attending a PT session in the morning, an interview with the department considered far more important. He wasn't sure why he hadn't told her about it but figured it was too late at that point and that since he would be driving himself she would never need to know.

"Yeah" She nodded, her husband definitely wouldn't be needing the vehicle.

"No problem then" Chase confirmed, looking rather pleased with himself.

"Okay. I've got to go get the girls up and start dinner, we're a bit late on nap time today…" Erin reflected as she checked her watch and got up. She'd lost track of the girls while busy around the house, meaning they hadn't collapsed from exhaustion until after half past four. Waking them now for a cranky dinner time was her only option, bedtime would still likely be a nightmare unless they were particularly energetic in the bath.

"Mum" He quickly called after her, she halted her retreat and turned back to him. "Need any help?" He questioned hopefully, slamming shut the lid of his laptop and straightening to look somewhat more able-bodied.

"Not really… You could keep me company, maybe peel some veggies?" She offered unenthusiastically, she had no problem with him lounging in his room but if he really wanted to help she could probably find small jobs he could do.

"Sure" He agreed, launching himself up and following her out of the room.

* * *

"You enjoy this don't you?" Kelly questioned grumpily, certain his wife was drawing out the painful task longer than necessary.

"Babe" She reasoned, slathering more of the antiseptic cream onto his back.

"Ow!" He hissed when she dared touch the wound rather than the surrounding tissue.

"Stop being such a baby" Erin requested, starting to feel genuinely bad for inflicting pain. On previous nights she had made sure he took his medication before his shower but their routine had been so messed up by a chaotic dinner and Shay's bedtime tantrum to remember. He always complained but if it hurt when he was on painkillers she could imagine it hurt a lot when he wasn't. In which case he was probably being really brave and she was being unfairly unkind.

"Meanie" He complained, poking his tongue out at her when she looked at him in the mirror. It was just as well he'd peeled off the old dressings in the shower because he suspected she'd probably tear them off with absolutely no sympathy.

"You don't want it infected do you?" She questioned, eyebrows raised in seriousness as he retracted his tongue and pouted instead.

"No."

"So shush" She suggested firmly, reaching for the dressing. She had perfected the technique for opening, lining up and sticking down the dressings, something he greatly appreciated but never thought to thank her for. "There we go. That wasn't so bad was it?" She asked, placing her palm flat over the newly dressed wound to give the adhesive the best possible contact with his skin. Still feeling bad she pressed a kiss to his spine before releasing him to wash her hands in preparation for the second half of the job.

"I can do the other one myself" He told her when she picked up the tube of antiseptic cream in preparation.

"Babe, I'm not trying to hurt you" She promised, not sure why he would think that she was.

"But you're enjoying it" He reminded like a small child who held a grudge.

"I am not" She argued, unamused by his antics. "Now stop it. You sound like Shay."

"Hmph" He sighed grumpily, deciding that he may as well let her get it done.

"Move your arm" She ordered, far more gentle given his obvious sensitivity she had the wound dried and dress in little more than a minute. "All done."

"Thank you" He muttered, clearly just saying it out of obligation.

"Want me to kiss it better?" Erin offered, hoping she could redeem herself.

"No!" He rejected immediately. "You didn't want to kiss me before…"

"Oh! So that's what's wrong? I wouldn't have sex with you in the shower and you're pissed off at me?" She demanded, his bad attitude making a whole lot more sense all of a sudden. "I was protecting you. You're not supposed to exert yourself; sex isn't an option for you right now, especially not like that! Of course I want you…" She softened, running her hand up his chest though he made it very clear he wasn't enjoying the proximity. "No sex, lots of antiseptic. I'm a bitch, I know. I just want you to get better…" She justified as a final remark.

"I'm going to bed" He informed after a thoughtful pause, pushing past her and heading straight for their bed. It was his own fault, he felt guilty for not telling her about the meeting with Captain Sampson every time he looked at her and was trying to punish himself by provoking her.

"Fine" She sighed to herself, brushing her teeth vigorously to get rid of some angry energy before following him into the bedroom. She shouldn't have been surprised to see Shay sleeping snuggled against his chest but following the toddler's tantrum and their combined efforts to get her into her own bed she'd hoped Shay had remained there. He was reinforcing bad behaviour just to annoy her but she wasn't going to give in to it, checking their baby before climbing into bed for a few hours of sleep. She was already looking forward to some quiet time with Ember in the early hours of the morning.

**I toned down the drama for you Sandygirl, it just took a while - sorry. I'm looking forward to a lot of resolutions in the next chapter then some happy days for our Linseride family to give you all a break…**

**Also we're nearing 700 reviews! Honestly its overwhelming to have such wonderful and enduring support. I have been working on a number of one shots/short multi-chapter fics (I've had too many ideas swirling in my mind to be able to focus solely on writing Baby Sev) and I look forward to sharing them with you all soon. I will once again be offering a custom one-shot to the hundredth reviewer* so take a minute to leave some feedback. **

***Terms and Conditions apply... you must have a account so that we can PM. **


	191. Chapter 191

"…And Patterson, did you agree with Lieutenant Severide's course of action?" Captain Sampson enquired, turning to the young man unexpectedly. Chase hoped he didn't look as nervous as suddenly he felt, rubbing his palms on his pants beneath the table as he swallowed hard, trying to work out the correct response, or at least the one the Captain sought. From there he could weigh his options. He knew better than to look for an answer in his colleagues eyes, certain the interviewer would interpret it as weakness.

"Uh, yeah I did" Chase provided with growing conviction. He had the sickening feeling that his Lieutenant and father figure was about to be reprimanded for his conduct on the day of the incident that had left them both in hospital. He was glad that the media had campaigned against the engineering firm on behalf of the crush victim, it gave him some sense of justice when he was sure there was to be none found in that conference room. Chief Boden gave him a nod from the far end of the table, a silent observer but one that approved his response. The simple cue leaving him feeling confident enough to comment further. "I really don't know what could have been done differently, given the same distribution of resources and equipment."

"Hm" The Captain acknowledged from the opposite side of the table, feeling well and truly outranked with a Battalion Chief, two Lieutenants, a union representative and the young Squad member eyeing him for a more meaningful response.

"My men followed procedure and risked their lives to prevent further injuries" Boden reinforced firmly, unwilling to watch on while his men were falsely accused. The Captain scribbled something in his notepad, taking his time, before looking up at them

"Yes. That is clearly the case" Captain Sampson concluded reluctantly. Kelly couldn't quite believe what he was hearing, he'd been waiting somewhat impatiently for the outcome, but certainly hadn't expected anything in his favour. Sitting up straight in his chair and trying to look attentive. "The Department will handle expenses as usual, thank you for making yourselves available" The Captain added as he shuffled his papers into a single pile. Kelly and Chase exchanged a triumphant look before communicating that one of them needed to say something.

"Thanks Captain" Kelly managed professionally, resisting the urge to stand and offer the man his hand. He hadn't really won a victory. All the Captain had done was the right thing, and then only because all the evidence corroborated their recounts. It didn't suddenly make them friends, he was still a paper-pusher in his familiar environment, liable to causing more harm than good. Kelly was a fish out of water in comparison, accustomed to the 'real' side of the job, armed with hoses and halligans instead of pen and paper.

"There is just one other issue…" Sampson informed, that got their attention and tore away any sense of security they had gained.

"What's that?" Casey demanded with as much subtlety as a sledge hammer.

"The acting Lieutenant currently assigned to Squad Three is… on his last legs" Captain Sampson explained, choosing his words carefully.

"I heard Old Rickett retired way back" Kelly agreed, he'd been shocked to hear from his men that the man, closer to sixty than fifty, was supposedly fit enough to replace him and run his squad. Even with a busted lung Kelly could probably outdo the old guy physically, 'Old' had been part of the man's name for over a decade. Kelly respected him, it wasn't often someone managed to avoid taking a desk job past 'retirement age', there was no such thing as an old firefighter for good reason. The decent ones became Chiefs, Captains and Commanders while the rest were either dead, on disability or scraping by on a pension.

"He's doing us a favour being there, but you're right in suggesting he isn't up to the job. I'm not suggesting you can take your place without one of our doctors signing off on it -" The Captain informed, pausing to let the information sink in just in case he had gotten that impression. Kelly tried not to let the disappointment show in his eyes, surely he could do the job if they were allowing Rickett to lead from the back already. "But I was wondering if you could think of a suitable candidate for the role of acting Lieutenant…Someone already on the squad."

"Uh" Kelly hesitated, trying to think rationally. Capp and Tony, his most senior men, had been on the squad together from day one, they'd graduated the academy together and been promoted together, he couldn't risk damaging their friendship like that.

"Patterson, how long is your doctor saying you've got until you'll pass a medical?" Captain Sampson questioned, it was clearly his way of suggesting the young man for the role. Something Kelly had dismissed despite knowing the kid was the best man for the job. Kelly knew Chase would lead a squad one day, he just didn't expect it to be his.

"End of the week…on light duties" Chase added very softly, so keen on the idea he almost hadn't mentioned it.

"And you Severide?" Sampson requested.

"Another week or more. Chase could handle it though, he'd be my pick" Kelly endorsed, he certainly wouldn't be rushing back and angering his wife if he trusted the man in charge. He wasn't even sure how they had even come to be negotiating the matter though and didn't want to push too hard.

"He is the youngest though. Would your men respect his authority?" The Captain questioned seriously.

"Absolutely" Kelly answered without hesitation, he knew that come the first fire or rescue Chase led his men would see what he did in the young man.

"Boden?" Captain Sampson posed, seeking the Chief's opinion on the matter since he technically was the only person in the room with the power to make that decision.

"With medical clearance it's fine by me" The Chief confirmed, trusting Kelly and therefore having faith in the young man's potential to lead. If nothing else it would be interesting to see.

"Okay then, that's settled. Thank you gentlemen" The Captain summarised quickly having glanced down at his watch. He had realised he was late for a meeting with his superiors and rushed to stand and gather his papers, leaving them alone in the cavernous space.

"That didn't go the way I was expecting" Kelly reflected with a relieved sigh as he stood up slowly.

"It went the way it should've" Boden stated forcefully, frustrated by the uncertainty his men faced during routine investigations when it had been obvious from the beginning that they had done nothing wrong.

"Yeah, you did the right thing, we all knew that" Casey confirmed, holding open the heavy glass door so they could file out of the conference room. "I'd suggest beer at Molly's to celebrate but it's way too early, you're drugged up and we've got to get back to work" He added as they waited for the elevator.

"Well thanks for coming anyway guys, I appreciate the support. I'll buy a round next time I manage to sneak out of the house" Kelly promised as they piled into the elevator, Kelly's nightmare about it being out of order and having to take the stairs remained just that.

"Dad, time" Chase alerted, checking his phone at the reminder that they were essentially AWOL. All it had taken was one look, a silent agreement made moments after Erin had left with the girls for yoga. The men hadn't communicated about the meeting prior to that, they didn't need to, they could tell that they'd both received the same phone call from Captain Sampson and made the same decision to keep Erin in the dark.

"Tell me you're joking" Casey pleaded dramatically. "We just saved your ass and your job so your wife could kill you?"

"We'll make it" Kelly assured confidently, glad that his friend understood the stakes. They had no more than fifteen minutes to make a twenty minute car journey, assuming his wife behaved as expected and didn't hang around after the class because she wanted to check on him. In the worst case if they were caught at least they had good news on the investigation front, cleared of any wrongdoing.

"You'd better" Casey warned, he needed his friend back in the Squad Lieutenant position as soon as possible; it was hard to get anything done when you had to constantly communicate verbally instead of the other party knowing intuitively what to do. As a result they kept their farewells brief in the fancy foyer of the building, Chase rushing off to bring the car around so Kelly didn't have to walk too far. He had doubled up on painkillers for the occasion, something else his wife wouldn't take lightly, but was still struggling with the increased mobility. His whole body seemed to ache, a consequence of occupying the stiff leather chair for an hour, his lungs burning and both wounds throbbing with every move he made. As much as he hated to think it he couldn't wait to be confined to the bed or couch again. The moment he was in the car Chase hit the gas, speeding away like they'd just robbed a bank.

"She's going to kill us" The young man fretted as they hit a third red light, he was a good driver, having been taught by his uncle, but couldn't bring himself to break the law.

"Relax" Kelly commanded, though his tone suggested he too was beginning to panic. They weaved through the lanes of traffic and tore around corners to make up for time lost at the lights but the journey still took half an hour. Obeying the residential speed limit along their street they both just about cheered when their driveway came into view, her car nowhere to be seen. Chase was helping Kelly up the front stairs when the sound of a vehicle approaching caught their attention, rushing through the door they slammed it shut peeked out the window. Their fear realised as the gate, which had only just closed, began to open again. "Get changed, act normal" Kelly ordered as he began up the stairs as fast as he could. Chase just about carried him to the top before they went their separate ways. Kelly pushed through the pain to strip out of his formal uniform, stuffing his clothes into a drawer he knew she didn't open often and pulling his pyjamas back on before climbing into bed. Heart pounding in his ears he could barely hear the front door open. A few minutes later there were footsteps on the stairs, he heard those as he tried to control his breathing, wiping away sweat and sliding further down into the bed, messing up his hair a final touch before she appeared at the doorway.

"Hey" Erin greeted softly as she entered the room.

"Hey" He croaked back, trying to sound sleepy, thankful she wasn't analysing his appearance too closely as she took Ember out of her car seat and tucked her into the crib.

"How was your morning?" She questioned, placing the car seat by the door before moving to sit at his side.

"Good, slept some more" He lied convincingly, triggering a real yawn by replaying Shay's from earlier that morning over and over in his mind. Her proximity was no longer alarming as his heart rate steadied, maybe he'd controlled his breathing or maybe she made him feel better.

"I knew you were tired" She whispered, she didn't suspect a thing, smoothing his bedhead lovingly and leaning in for a light kiss. "We're all home now, rest until lunch and we'll spend some time outside this afternoon. It'll be good for you to get some sun" She murmured softly, caressing his cheek then massaging his scalp in a way she knew would put him to sleep. Kelly soon gave in to the fatigue he felt from exerting himself and before he knew it he was drifting off with thoughts of backyard soccer and sandpit games with his girls.

**I'm skipping small chunks of time to tie up plotlines so this is only part one of the resolution I mentioned last chapter. It was too disjointed to just shove in a chapter break and keep going. The good news is I've already got the next part written :D**

**Will Erin find out that Chase and Kelly are withholding information and lying to her? How do you think she'll react? **

**Also just to note, I know choosing Chase as acting Lieutenant might not be a conventional/realistic move but it's a good chance for him to prove himself as a leader and at least this way we'll know Squad 3 are in good hands.**


	192. Chapter 192

"What do you feel like?" Erin questioned as she stared into the refrigerator for inspiration, cold air ghosting across her bare feet and sending a shiver up her spine. "Mmm, me too" She provided a moment later, smiling down at the baby lounging in her arm before reaching into the drawer and retrieving a carrot. As the only source of light in the room she left the fridge open when she moved to the sink, washing the vegetable before chopping it roughly into sticks. Popping one in her mouth she held it with her teeth as she scooped up the rest and crossed back to the fridge, nudging it shut with her elbow.

Ember squirmed uncomfortably as darkness flooded the room, letting out a tiny squeak. Erin bounced her baby gently and waited for her eyes to adjust before moving. The red lid of the peanut butter jar caught her eye as she turned away from the fridge, a beam of moonlight streaming through the window to illuminate the perfect accompaniment to her midnight snack. It was some sort of sign she was sure. With both hands full it took her a moment to coordinate holding the jar between her elbow and hip, moving quickly to the lounge before she dropped it and woke everyone.

The rarely used lamp that stood in the far corner and the television screen lit the lounge room in soft orange and blue, more forgiving on her eyes than the harsh light in the fridge. Dropping the peanut butter on the couch she set the carrot sticks on the coffee table and retrieved the jar to put it next to them, taking the carrot stick protruding from her mouth she placed it on the red lid. With her snack laid out and waiting she took Ember under the arms, holding her upright as she took a seat on the couch. Resting her feet on the coffee table positioned her legs at the perfect angle to prop Ember up facing her.

"No wonder you wanted this, I used to eat it all the time when I was pregnant with you" She told the baby softly as she unscrewed the lid of the jar, immediately plunging her carrot stick into the thick spread. Scooping up a large quantity of the smooth peanut butter she took a bite and chewed. "Mmm" She moaned appreciatively, letting her head fall back against the couch as the cold, crunchy, nutty taste filled her mouth. Ember shrieked and kicked her leg out, jabbing a little foot into her mother's ribs. "Jealous" Erin teased as she looked up and swallowed. Taking another bite she crunched away as she twisted and leaned forward, grabbing a second carrot stick and handing it to Ember.

The infant's hand closed around the cold orange stick and she automatically drew it up to her mouth. Sucking and gumming at the carrot stick she conveyed her enjoyment by kicking her legs and flailing her other hand. All the while she was smiling so broadly that her full cheeks partially hid her twinkling eyes. "Yummy?" Erin questioned, placing a hand flat on Ember's stomach to steady her as she threw her weight around. The baby's arm jerked away from her mouth, apparently involuntarily, and she squealed and babbled until she could get the carrot back.

"Shh!" Erin hissed suddenly, feeling the movement upstairs before she heard it. Ember was too busy enjoying the sensation of cold carrot on her gums to make any further noise. The bathroom door clicked closed, not loudly enough to wake anyone, only audible as the sound travelled in the still of the night. She looked to the muted television, waiting in complete silence until she heard the door open and Chase return to his bedroom. "That was close" She whispered very softly after a few more minutes, continuing to be conscious of the noise level as she returned to eating and entertaining her baby.

Ember had barely begun to fuss when her mother lifted her up, laying her down in an arm before unbuttoning her pyjama shirt and offering a breast. The baby kept hold of the carrot but eagerly accepted the offer, snuffling as she began to drink. The rhythm of her mouth matched that being patted out against her back, calming her to the verge of sleep in minutes. Erin let her eyes drift back to the television, too busy scooping up peanut butter to reach for the remote and unmute. The program wasn't very interesting anyway.

It was an advert that really got her attention, a chubby baby who didn't look too different to Ember smiling and batting at a toy in a car seat. That was until another car slammed into the vehicle in slow motion, crumpling in on the side the baby had occupied. The road safety slogan flashed across the screen but Erin couldn't read it for the tears that had sprung to her eyes. She held Ember just that little bit tighter to her chest, checking on her baby before wiping away the tears, angered by the unnecessarily graphic advert. They hadn't shown the baby during or after the impact but Erin's imagination took care of that. She couldn't believe any parent would allow their baby's image to be used in that way.

It took Erin a long time to calm down, the thirty second ad having a profound impact on her even if it wasn't delivering the message the creators intended. She knew that ads like that were funded by the state government and sponsored by the police department. And she knew that driving under the influence was a serious issue but it still didn't make it right in her opinion. As two o'clock ticked by she turned off the television and resolved to watch her baby sleeping peacefully until she could put the terrible images out of her mind. Telling herself that it was only effecting her because she was tired.

* * *

Kelly wanted to carry her but knew he couldn't without hurting himself. He'd woken up to find her side of the bed empty and cold for the fifth night in a row, refusing to go back to sleep until he knew where she was and what she was doing. He had soon located his wife, downstairs, sprawled across the couch, sleeping soundly with their baby daughter held protectively to her chest. Erin had been in the habit of leaving their bedroom during the night when Ember was smaller so the baby's cries didn't wake him. He assumed she was doing the same thing again in the hope he would heal faster if he got enough sleep. The peanut butter jar on the coffee table suggested she hadn't just been caring for the infant though. If she was eating he certainly didn't want to interfere.

Padding quietly across the carpet he lifted her feet and slipped in under them, setting them down in his lap and crossing his fingers that the movement didn't wake her up. Usually when she slept she looked calm and peaceful, he didn't have to look for long to see that she was exhausted and tense. He knew she was pushing herself to their household functioning, to look after them all and keep the house tidy. She wasn't just doing what needed to be done either, she was still making time to do the extra things. Like whatever her night time arrangement with Ember was, carrying the baby around on her chest all day, feeding on demand and making sure she never cried for more than a few minutes. Like playing with Shay, reading to the her, doing puzzles with her, teaching and nurturing her new obsession with letters and playing outside with her while he sat on a chair in the shade of the tree and watched. Like spending time with Chase, chatting, watching movies and motivating him while he did his physical therapy exercises. All of those things benefitted Kelly too, the knowledge that his family was well looked after. She was making sure to pick up any slack so the kids didn't even realise they weren't getting as much time and attention from him.

His beautiful wife was the hero, the glue, the one that brought them together and kept them together. A few times he'd been about to thank her but had stopped himself, it only took a few moments of concentrated effort to know why he did it. Lately she'd been reacting badly to almost everything he said, usually because he nagged her to eat more, sleep more or generally take better care of herself. There were only so many hours in a day and she was spending all of them focused on someone else. He didn't know how to lessen the burden on her, anything he did only seemed to cause her concern or make more work for her. It didn't help that his conscience was continually scolding him for still not talking to her about the meeting on Monday morning. So many times he'd wanted to say something but hadn't. He'd almost brought it up in the car on the way to his doctor's appointment the previous morning, and again when she'd returned from whatever errand she had done with Ember in the afternoon. It was really the only thing he felt he had any control over. Even then he suspected it would be something else on her mind, a positive that because he'd delayed would become a negative. Relief bound to be overshadowed by the fallout he knew to expect when he admitted he had lied. He would have to tell her the truth eventually, the sooner the better.

Kelly had been rubbing at her feet while he sat thinking, the sunrise making more progress than he was. Soft grey light beginning to brighten the room as his fingers worked to massage and warm her feet. It was something he knew she enjoyed, she'd practically begged him every evening whilst pregnant. She didn't even bother to ask anymore, the baby had arrived and there was no longer any purpose to it beyond indulging herself. He vowed to make more of an effort come morning, she deserved that. A car rolled by and he realised that morning was going to be there sooner than he expected. If he didn't get her up to bed soon she would wake having slept longer on the couch than in her own bed. He still couldn't carry her. His hands stopped and before he had decided on a course of action she began to stir. Her eyes opened just a crack before she startled, jolting away from him, recognising a person but not her husband.

"Ssh, ssh shh, hey, just me" Kelly whispered, waiting for her to relax.

"You scared me" She grumbled, frowning as she raised a hand to her forehead, pushing her hair back.

"Sorry" He apologised, voice low and sincere.

"What are you even doing?" She demanded, having had a second to process what was happening.

"You weren't in bed" He justified, feeling as if she were blaming him unfairly. A small part of him had stupidly expected her to wake up grateful for the foot massage.

"I didn't want to wake you" She countered, surprisingly argumentative given the time of day and barely a minute of consciousness. Pulling her feet away she twisted and set them on the carpet, sitting up straight she decided to take a moment before getting up, rubbing Ember's back as she glanced down at the baby.

"I'll carry her" He volunteered, holding his hands out for the sleep-heavy infant.

"I've got her" Erin shook her head, standing up slowly then trudging in the direction of the stairs. Kelly sighed then pushed himself up off the couch and followed her, using his good arm on the handrail to balance, it was probably for the best that she carry the baby. She didn't wait for him, busy tucking Ember in to her crib by the time he arrived, the new head support pillow in place to stop her rolling. Erin stood patting Ember's stomach reassuringly while Kelly watched on. "Get into bed" She hissed at him when she finally decided the baby hadn't been disturbed, confused by the way he continued to achieve nothing just standing there. He made sad eyes at her but she just scowled as she stepped around him on her way into the bathroom.

"I love you" He reminded gently when she climbed into the bed a few minutes later, moving towards her before she was even situated.

"Love you too" She said with a sigh that made it sound arduous, she quickly realised that he wasn't going to give up until they were touching. Rolling to face away from him she allowed him to curl around her, arm draped around her middle. It did feel nice when she let her mind switch off, warm and safe.

**So I'm addicted to Erin+Emmy time… And I thought it was important to get some of Kelly's feelings across. Not so much a resolution as the build up to one, I'm getting there I promise!**

**4 reviews away from 700... :D**


	193. Chapter 193

"Family meeting in the lounge room" Erin called from the bottom of the stairs, checking her watch as she waited to hear movement. Little feet running along the hallway preceded the appearance of Shay at the top of the stairs.

"Whadya want Mama?" Shay questioned loudly, hands finding her hips for a pose that screamed impatience as she waited for an answer. From the moment Shay had woken up that morning she had been bursting with attitude, something that hadn't been helped by the librarian praising her endlessly for loudly showing off her growing ability to recognise and name letters. Erin was proud of Shay's outgoing personality and obvious intelligence but she wasn't enjoying the lack of respect; the toddler had begun to believe that if she pointed out letters she deserved some sort of reward. It had made their afternoon visit to the grocery store a horrible experience and for the first time Erin could understand why people complained about shopping with small children.

"I'd like everyone down in the lounge room in the next five minutes" Erin clarified, hoping that leading by example would be enough to change the toddler's behaviour. She really didn't want to have to play the disciplinarian role on top of everything she was already doing.

"Umkay" The toddler accepted, letting her hands relax at her sides before reaching up to tug at the snowflake hairclip that kept the hair out of her eyes. Once the clip was free Shay spun on her heels, tossing it over her shoulder as she trotted off back the way she had come.

"Shay!" Erin shouted, wondering why the toddler agreed if she had no intention of following the clear instruction.

"Whaaat?" Shay whined as she backed up and looked down at her mother disdainfully.

"Downstairs please" She reminded flatly, pointing in the direction the toddler needed to travel.

"No! I tell Chasey" Shay argued, already out of view by the time she had finished speaking. Erin sighed frustratedly and looked to her watch, deciding to give them another minute before going up to retrieve them. If she had called to tell them dinner was ready she knew she would have been bowled over as they raced to the kitchen, it felt like Shay wasn't the only one having a bad day. Erin wasn't one to waste a minute, especially not by feeling sorry for herself, instead she stepped into the lounge room and started to tidy up. Shay had refused to put away her toys before her nap but Erin had let it go because at least the toddler wasn't fighting her nap. Hearing further movement upstairs she continued to clean once the minute elapsed, toys aside she cleared the coffee table and arranged the cushions on the couch instead of the floor. "I here!" Shay announced loudly as she marched into the room, climbing up onto the couch and immediately pushing the cushions off the end.

"I just picked those up" Erin informed disapprovingly, hoping Shay would realise she had done the wrong thing and fix it without having to be asked.

"Oops" The toddler shrugged, assuming her sweet tone of voice would be enough.

"No Shay, not oops. Pick up the cushions please" She instructed firmly but politely.

"Why?" Shay demanded, frowning and crossing her arms.

"Yeah Mum, why are we having a family meeting?" Chase asked as he entered the room, dropping a car magazine, a toy catalogue and one of Shay's new library books onto the coffee table before flopping onto the couch and pulling his little sister onto his lap. The young man had recovered from his dislocated shoulder to the point that Erin was eager for him to get back to work. He wasn't doing much to help around the house, though he seemed to think he was when he entertained Shay for a few hours each day. Erin suspected he was amused by the toddler's bad behaviour, his laughter encouraging and reinforcing it as acceptable.

"I'll explain when Kelly gets here" Erin provided, moving from where she stood in front of the television to pick up the cushions. She wanted to make the toddler do it but it just seemed like too much effort to interrupt the tickle fight that had broken out between the two. Erin knew she wasn't in the best mood when their laughter didn't make her smile the way it normally did.

"Oh shit!" Accompanied by a thud on the stairs had Erin dropping the pillows and rushing from the room. Apparently she was the only one who'd heard it though, Shay's shrieks deafening Chase to the cry of pain.

"You okay? What happened?" Erin questioned urgently as she took the stairs two at the time, stopping before her husband who sat on the second step from the top, holding Ember who had started to cry.

"Stood on something" Kelly answered breathing heavily in response to the pain, allowing his to take the baby from his arms before reaching down to squeeze his foot. Erin immediately knew what he'd stood on, the pointy snowflake hairclip Shay had thrown thoughtlessly. She only allowed anger to rise briefly, concern overtaking it as she bounced and hushed Ember, realising how much worse it could have been.

"You alright?" She asked when she'd managed to settle the baby, the pained expression still occupying his face.

"Yeah, but I think it's bleeding" He admitted, exhaling deeply and trying to dismiss the pain as he squeezed even tighter.

"Hold her while I look" Erin ordered, passing him the baby before crouching to look at the bottom of his foot. "You're right. It's not too bad, I'll grab a bandaid" She assessed, brushing a hand lightly over the top of his head as she moved around him and up the stairs.

"What happened?" Chase asked as he popped his head out of the lounge room, finally realising that something had happened to make Erin leave the room after summoning them. He moved to the bottom of the stairs and Shay followed him.

"Stood on…this" Kelly explained as he found the hairclip and held it up.

"MI-ine" Shay claimed, voice fading into nothingness as she took in the unhappy look on her father's face and realised she had done the wrong thing.

"What's it doing on the stairs Shay?" He questioned, he knew his wife had been having trouble with the toddler not picking up her things. She'd come into their bedroom to vent about it when Shay took her nap. After his first workout session at the rehab centre the day before he had been too tired and sore to be of much use, now regretting not having a word with the toddler when she'd visited him for a cuddle.

"Sorry Daddy" Shay apologised, unable to think of a reason that would justify leaving something small and pointy on the stairs. Making her way up the stairs she planned to give him a hug to cement her apology. Before she could get there though her mother returned, tearing open the bandaid wrapper and crouching to stick it in place, blocking the path to him.

"There you go" Erin concluded as she stood up, scrunching the paper wrapper in her hand before stuffing it into her pocket and taking Ember back. She held the baby around the middle so that she could offer her husband a hand to get up.

"Thanks" He mumbled as he stood, testing his foot before trusting it with his full weight.

"Lounge now!" Erin commanded, remembering what she had been trying to achieve she ushered them down the stairs. Seizing Shay's hand and practically carrying the toddler by it when they didn't move fast enough for her liking. She herded them all into the lounge and waited until they were seated before reaching for the remote.

"What's going on?" Kelly and Chase questioned in unison, she had gone to a lot of effort to get them into the lounge room and they had assumed it was important right up until she turned on the television. They recognised the local news, halfway through a story on a baseball player, surely that wasn't what she wanted them to see.

"You'll see" She assured, checking the time and television channel before forcing them to wriggle over so she was between them on the couch. Sitting Ember up on her lap she waited for the sport segment to end so the advert break could start. When it finally did she struggled to remain calm. It wasn't the first advert, or the second but the moment the third started they all recognised Ember in her little police uniform. Her gummy grin and waving hand stole their attention as the voice over went on about fulfilling your destiny and doing what you were born to do.

"Wow!" Chase gasped, the first to react when the recruitment advert ended.

"Good job Em" Kelly congratulated, reaching over to tickle the little TV star's stomach.

"That's where we went the other day" Erin explained softly, seeking her husband's approval despite it being too late to change. Erin had signed forms that gave the police department the right to run the advert for as long as they liked.

"I thought you didn't want to..." He reminded gently, trying to focus on his wife while Chase did his best to explain what had just happened to Shay.

"I might have blackmailed the Commander" She shrugged, they had come to a friendly agreement but the change in Kelly's expression was priceless, from proud but uncertain to alarmed. "The baby they originally cast got sick so they had to delay filming… I volunteered Ember so they would meet the deadline but only if they stopped running a horrible road safety ad" She summarised, there was much more to it but she didn't want to ruin the celebration.

"Okay" He accepted reluctantly.

"I'll explain properly later, it's on again in around seven minutes if you want to see it a second time. Dinner should be ready after that" Erin notified as she got up, passing Ember to her husband so she could get back to the kitchen. She'd been present while the advert had been filmed and didn't feel the need to watch it again when she could use that time to make a salad.

"What're we having?" Chase broke from conversation to ask while he still had the chance.

"Lasagne, Cindy brought it over yesterday" Erin paused momentarily to answer. She hadn't expected the older woman to bring a meal over but she was very thankful she had, exhausted after a long week and what felt like an even longer day. At least Ember's participation in the recruitment campaign had gone over well, for the time being anyway.

"Hey Shay, you want to play?" Chase suggested, lifting his little sister off his lap and onto her own feet before pointing to her toy box.

"No" The toddler shook her head, scrabbling to get back up.

"Please" He urged in a no nonsense tone that was about as serious as he got when communicating with her.

"I play Emmy-bear" Shay tried to negotiate, staring down her brother before they both turned to Kelly to make the final call. He looked to Chase for some reason to decide in his favour, quite enjoying the time with his happy baby.

"We need to talk" Chase persuaded. "This is good" He added gesturing very generally around the room.

"Okay princess. Tummy time with Emmy-bear?" Kelly offered as he moved from the couch to spread out Ember's soft and colourful rug.

"Roly-poly time" Shay corrected, helping her father by straightening the corners before encouraging him to put the baby down. It was a movement that he knew would hurt and was therefore able to prepare for, relieved to sink back into the couch when it was done. Chase shuffled across towards him but waited until Shay began singing at her little sister to speak.

"So I've been trying to figure out how to tell Er that I start back Sunday night… which I think you should probably do. But this–" Again he gestured broadly. "–is perfect. I mean you were just as surprised as I was about the ad which means she's been keeping something from you... You see what I'm saying?" Chase paused to ask, Kelly's expression indicated he was completely lost.

"I think so… You think she'll forgive me because she did the same thing. But she didn't, it's completely different. I told her letting Em do the ad was her decision. The meeting, that wasn't just me and you, that was our family's financial security on the line. I know for a fact she spent two hours the other day finding the cheapest pillow for Ember and then went and picked it up instead of paying postage because she's been stressing about money. I don't know what I was thinking not telling her but it's too bloody late now isn't it?" Kelly reasoned anxiously in the same rushed, hushed tone Chase had been using.

"We don't have a choice, we've got to tell her by Sunday night. Maybe if I'm there she'll take it better" The younger man proposed uncertainly.

"I don't know, let me think about it" Kelly finished just as the subject of their discussion arrived at the doorway.

"What're you talking about?" She enquired, sensing it was something important from their closeness alone.

"Nothing" Kelly dismissed, giving Chase a look before pointing to Shay and Ember to distract his wife. Shay might have been having a bad day but looking at her with her little sister made it hard to tell, the toddler was speaking softly and allowing the baby to select which toy she wanted. Directing play but sharing rather than dominating it.

"Dinner's ready" Erin announced after a moment. She didn't want to interrupt the girls play time, not when the early night she had planned for Shay no longer seemed necessary. Mere seconds after they were all seated at the table it became quite clear something was needed to tame the wild toddler. Erin had simply encouraged her older daughter to use her fork instead of her hands but Shay seemed to think she was being told off, shoving her plate away and refusing to eat before throwing the plastic fork. Kelly and Chase both tried to help but their dinner went downhill from there. They tried to ignore the toddler and converse about the advert but that only brought jealousy into play, the toddler clearly resenting the fact her little sister was getting attention for something other than crying.

Bath time was no better, Shay at first refusing to get in then refusing to get out. Splashing until the bathmat and her pyjamas were soaked she then threw a tantrum because they were supposedly the only pyjamas she could sleep in. Erin tried to cater to the difficult toddler, taking the pyjamas downstairs to the dryer then reading a story while Shay sat wrapped in her towel waiting. Shay wanted to put on the dry pyjamas by herself but couldn't do up the buttons, something else she felt the need to scream about even though her mother offered to help. When she was finally dressed and tucked into bed she demanded another story, Erin almost didn't give in but was glad she had when the story turned out to be about a jealous little girl who was angry at everybody for no particular reason. Shay missed the end of the book and moral of the story, falling asleep with Roary clutched to her chest and the slightest smile on her lips. Erin enjoyed the peace, stroking her sleep-tamed child's hair and pressing a kiss to her forehead before heading downstairs to retrieve Ember.

"You could feed her down here, we could talk" Kelly suggested, made brave by the fact she'd managed Shay's bedtime routine without getting annoyed. He thought it might also help if she was too tired to get angry.

"Right, I promised an explanation…" She recalled after thinking on the proposition for a moment, settling next to him she organised herself with Ember before starting to fill them in on the details. "Commander Fischer called to ask if I'd reconsider, he was pretty desperate because the funding was a grant from the federal government with a deadline, today. I had the upper hand so I thought about it for a little while and got back to him, agreeing on the condition they'd cut the road safety ad. I can see the sense in using babies for recruitment but that ad… It just got to me and didn't even get the message across effectively." She knew that they hadn't seen the advert she was referring to from the looks on their faces and so sped along over the issue that had made the decision for her. "Anyway it happened pretty quickly after that and you saw the finished product. Only took half an hour to get her to wave like that" She smiled, looking down at her baby. Ember really seemed to be thriving with the extra attention, it made Erin wish she had never stopped the midnight one on one time. "And it was decent money… a hundred dollars for the hour. They round up" She justified just in case they still weren't convinced it was a good idea.

"That's good" Chase nodded, he'd been struggling to look at her but was then completely unable. Erin assumed he was interested in the television program, she had unknowingly provided the perfect segue and he was nervous to see how Kelly handled it.

"Babe…" Kelly began quietly, understandably hesitant. "You don't have to worry about money."

"I know but with the investigation…" She reasoned, not really wanting to bring it up when she suspected it had occupied their thoughts far more than hers.

"We were cleared" Kelly stated efficiently.

"What?! When?" Erin demanded incredulously.

"We didn't tell you about the meeting because we didn't want you to worry" He rationalised, watching her process the revelation, anger bubbling behind her fierce eyes.

"When?" She pressed unemotively, she hadn't decided how to react and therefore didn't.

"Monday morning" He supplied, deciding that it was best to give her all the information she wanted before trying to explain himself.

"But…You snuck out?" She thought aloud.

"We were trying to do the right thing" He attempted, knowing it was pathetic.

"We? Who is we? You're in charge Kelly" She snapped, upsetting Ember as she gestured pointedly with her free hand to make her opinion very clear.

"Okay, I take full responsibility, it was my idea" Kelly declared, not only raising his hands palm outwards in surrender but retreating until his back met the arm of the couch.

"You're kidding me" Erin blurted, doing her best to contain her frustration for her baby's sake. "You thought not telling me all week would worry me less than… I just don't understand" She muttered, struggling to process what had to be the most irrational decision.

"Er you've had a lot going on…" He reflected calmingly.

"Not really! I had enough time to do the ad" She argued instantly, no matter what he said he wouldn't be able to justify it such that she forgave him. Not for the time being while her mind was racing a million miles a minute to work out how she had missed the signs. She knew her husband was a terrible liar, usually at least.

"Which you didn't tell me about" Kelly looked to Chase before contributing, the young man was doing his best to remain a spectator.

"What so that makes us even?" She questioned, surprisingly and scarily calm all of a sudden. "I've been… I'm sorry about the ad" She finished, eager to leave the room before she said something she would regret.

"This is not about the ad!" He yelled after her, frustrated that it hadn't gone to plan even if it had played out exactly as he predicted. It wasn't even close to being the outcome he had wanted.

"Well that went well" Chase murmured to himself.

"Could've been worse..." Kelly replied, laying back before grabbing the remote. It wasn't over but he'd give her some time to get Ember to bed and calm down before making a second attempt. It might take more than that but he would just have to acknowledge that he'd made a massive error in judgement and live with the consequences, she was right, he was fully responsible.

**There was a massive hail storm this afternoon so you're lucky I managed to finish this off… My dogs were terrified and part of the roof over our deck has broken but we were quite lucky considering. I'm used to thunderstorms but I've never seen that much hail before. Anyway, I'm too tired to proofread properly, I'll edit in the morning. Hope this wasn't too unexpected a resolution... Night :D **


	194. Chapter 194

Kelly wasn't struggling to get up the stairs for any physical reason, sure his side hurt a little but he was used to it and the breathlessness that remained as his lung healed. He was taking his time because knew that the moment he stepped into the bedroom he would have to face the consequence of what he had done, his wife's wrath. It had made so much sense at the time not to tell her. A lie of omission wasn't as bad as a real lie, lying for selfish reasons, was it?

Aware that he was only delaying the inevitable he crossed the hall and entered Shay's bedroom instead. His eyes took a moment to adjust to the faint pink and purple light produced by her nightlight, gradually able to make out his little girl. Her poor behaviour had clearly drained her energy reserves, requiring deep sleep to replenish. Shay didn't stir as he sat down beside her, stroking his thumb across her soft cheek before pulling Roary away from her mouth and nose to make sure she could breathe easily. He took a small hand in his next, running his thumb along each of her fingers, they were so small and delicate in comparison to his. He wasn't sure how long he lost examining the creases of her tiny knuckles but was brought back to reality by muffled sounds of movement from the bedroom through the far wall. He kissed Shay's cheek lightly and smoothed her blanket as he stood, resigning himself to his fate.

Erin was wrapped in a towel, searching her pyjama drawer for a particular garment when he entered. She looked up but didn't let her eyes linger, silent, she went back to what she was doing. Kelly felt awkward in his own space, as much as he wanted to get it over with he didn't want to disturb her and initiate the imminent argument. Sitting cautiously on the end of the bed he watched and waited. Erin gave up on finding the specific shirt she had been looking for, certain she'd be able to locate it her husband's piercing gaze wasn't directed at the back of her head, extracting a grey nursing camisole from the next drawer instead. She took it, and the pyjama bottoms she had already slung over her shoulder and headed back into the bathroom. It couldn't be interpreted as an aggressive move, quite the opposite, yet it infuriated Kelly since she had always gotten dressed in the bedroom.

The bathroom door burst open a few minutes later, Erin emerged and Kelly sat up so quickly that he had to bite the inside of his cheek not to cry out in pain. He'd flopped back onto the bed, overwhelmed by frustration, and was glad as he sat up that he no longer had stitches to tear. He didn't want this. He was only upset because she was. She clearly indicated that wasn't ready to forgive him, or even discuss it, moving straight to Ember's crib. There was only so much fussing she could do over the sleeping baby though, conscious of every second that ticked by just as he was. He exhaled loudly, impatient. She looked over her shoulder at him and was motivated to act. Taking the baby monitor in hand she moved towards the door.

"Erin" He called in a sharp whisper. She didn't stop and she didn't look back, muttering something that sounded like 'dishwasher' as she twisted the handle. Turning the dishwasher on took her a minute, she used another to consider her options. She was too tired to argue but she couldn't bring herself to forgive him that easily either. Trudging from the kitchen to the lounge room she found herself piling the cushions at one end. She grabbed a fleece blanket from the shelf of the narrow bookcase dedicated to Ember's things because she couldn't be bothered to venture to the linen cupboard. Then, after placing the baby monitor on the coffee table she lay down, doing her best to spread the small blanket over her upper body.

Beyond tired, nearing complete exhaustion, yet Erin couldn't get to sleep, the couch wasn't entirely uncomfortable and apart from her feet she wasn't cold. She lay there for ten, then twenty minutes, trying to coax herself to sleep. Counting usually worked but her thoughts kept drifting back to her husband. After thirty-five minutes she found herself crying. She knew why but at the same time didn't, too tired to even decipher her own emotions. All she wanted was to go back in time, to stop the accident ever happening, to stop herself and her family falling apart. Before they'd been strong, united, happy even. After they were keeping things from each other, lying. There had been a complete breakdown in communication. She hated to feel so alone when surrounded by family. Hurriedly swiping away tears she rolled to face the back of the couch.

"Erin?" His voice sounded strange but she didn't care to analyse it as she burrowed deeper, pulling the blanket up over her head. She didn't need him to know that she'd been crying. She waited to hear him approach, to feel his hand pulling the blanket away, pulling her into his arms where she desperately wanted to be. "Er, baby I know you can hear me" He spoke again, a faint crackle at the end made her sit up and remove the blanket. The bright green light of the baby monitor shone at her from the coffee table. "Please come to bed" He pled seriously.

She reached for the device, holding it possessively in both hands. It was difficult in the dark to locate the button that would allow her to reply. When she found it she didn't press it, she couldn't, she didn't know what to say.

"Please. I'm sorry. I should have told you…It's just… This is all my fault. I got injured, I couldn't be there to help you. And you managed, you did so well babe, looking after the girls by yourself isn't easy… I knew you were hesitant to bring me home, so I did what I thought you wanted! I let you do everything, take care of me... Just me getting injured was stressful for you, and then it was Chase as well and a long recovery and the investigation on top of that… The girls pick up on your stress, I know it sounds like I'm trying to justify it, but I'm not. It was stupid. I was stupid. We're good at this when we do it together. I haven't been there for you… I'm so sorry" He reiterated strongly, pausing for a moment to figure out what to say next. He was determined to keep talking until she forgave him, happy to profess his love and regret all night if he had to.

"Mmm" It wasn't much but he definitely heard it, the slightest murmur of acknowledgement, choked out at the end of a sob when she clutched the monitor too tight. He was saying everything she needed to hear.

"I love you. God I love you so much baby… And I'm sorry and I miss you. Thank you – for everything, I don't even know where to start. Not only would we not be together without you but I think everything would have fallen apart as well… I'm getting better, physically I can't keep up with you but my head's still working. You can talk to me. I think you need to talk to me. We need to talk. We need to be there for each other, this is me being there for you" He knew he was rambling but it was too important to stop. "Could you forgive me? Can we pretend this never happened, we can go out, just us. I'm good for that. We could get dinner… Have the Friday night we were supposed to…"

"You can stop now" She informed with a weak laugh, smiling at him as she slipped through the bedroom door. She couldn't see him well, a faint outline of his facial features at the head of their bed visible thanks to the matching green light of his half of the baby monitor system. He couldn't see much of her either, definitely not enough to see how upset she'd been. Knowing that she was there, that he'd succeeded, he set the baby monitor aside and pulled back the covers from her side of the bed.

She didn't round the bed though, instead crawling up along his body, mouth crashing to his in the darkness. Lips firm against his, pressing then parting, a move he soon mirrored, fingers tangling in her hair as he reciprocated fervently. She had settled astride him, knees holding him at the waist, one hand offsetting her weight so she didn't crush his chest as she melted into his hold. As much as he loved that aspect of their relationship, the making up worth the fighting, he needed to catch his breath. She gave him what she arbitrarily determined was long enough then found his mouth again.

"Er?" He questioned uncertainly as she shifted awkwardly to join him beneath the covers, remaining on top of him. It quickly became clear that she wanted to progress past kissing.

"Shh" She breathed back, hands tugging at his shirt. Her hands found his skin, forgetting the shirt as she enjoyed a type of touch she hadn't allowed herself for fear of leading him on. Her mouth returned to his and for a few minutes he tried to put everything else out of his mind, she was his universe.

"Babe–" He attempted again, gripping her shoulders to keep her at arm's length. She had seized his jaw in one hand and begun to grind against him when she bent forward to kiss him. He was quickly reaching a point of no return and needed to know that she was committed to seeing it through.

"Shh" She insisted, pressing a finger to his lips as she sat up. Reading his mind she set about removing the last remaining barrier, clothing. His pants didn't need to travel far but hers had to go completely. As she struggled atop him, putting all her weight on one knee and then the other, he managed to get his shirt up and over his head. She lowered herself over him again, rocking back and forth, steadying herself with her hands flat against his chest, waiting until a groan signalled he needed more.

Erin rose again and they competed to be the guiding hand that delivered the pleasure they sought. He inhaled as she exhaled, finding great relief in each other's bodies. Thrilled to dominate she soon found a rhythm that had him panting raggedly and caused the occasional soft moan to leave her own mouth. Wary of his injury she slowed, he gripped her sides and urged her to continue, fighting the grey fabric that hid her delicious skin when she hesitated. He propped himself on an elbow and pulled until his mouth found her breasts, at which point she realised he wasn't going to catch his breath. The notion of romance was tossed aside in favour of raw passion, hands and hips finding all the right movements to illicit the desired result, preferably as quickly as possible. Her muted cry of ecstasy was enough to make his hips roll forward, into her downward stroke, his breath catching when he joined her in oblivion.

"Now. We're even" She offered in two gasps as an electrifying energy continued to pulse through her veins.

"Mm" He grunted weakly. Erin rapidly freed him of her weight, lying alongside him, first resting her head on his upper arm then in her own hand as she cupped his cheek. Stroking his stubble she assessed the rate of his breathing, concerned that he was taking so long to recover, unused to his lack of stamina. He tried to breathe in time with the motions of her thumb and eventually managed to calm himself. Sleep claimed him before he could answer her but he agreed, they were even.

**Voila! A complete resolution, on to some happier times now :D**

**I'm experimenting with paragraph size but I don't want to interrupt the flow of the story… Thoughts/opinons/preferences?**


	195. Chapter 195

After several nights spent sleeping alone in the same bed Kelly was almost delighted to have his wife sprawled half on top of him. Her shoulder blade digging into his sternum, head tipped to the side such that her forehead resting against his upper arm. It would have been uncomfortable but he could tell she was getting sleep she needed and very much deserved. He was only awake and aware of her position because Ember had woken him, her soft cries going unanswered as he decided to wait and see what would happen. Whether he got up to settle her or her cries grew loud enough, his wife would be woken. He wanted to delay that for as long as possible.

Kelly didn't even think there was a third option, it was only a matter of time in his mind, but little Ember soon proved there was, settling herself. Realising her crying was futile it ceased, instead entertaining herself. In the early morning light streaming through the gap between the curtains he watched as she began to squirm and kick, gurgling and babbling to herself. Kelly made a mental note to ask his wife where they'd put the mobile now that Ember was of an age where she could interact with it instead of it just being in the way. He thought they would even be able to incorporate the programed lullabies into her bedtime routine, between feeding and sleeping like the doctor had suggested to foster self-soothing. A particularly loud shriek of laughter from the baby made him forget the mobile and turn his attention back to his wife. Breathing changing as she began to stir, rolling away from him, straining to sit up before her eyes even opened.

"Hey, hey no" Kelly intervened in a whisper, taking her by the wrist before she could get too far away, trying to pull her back. "You don't have to get up."

"But… she's crying" Erin murmured, delirious with sleep if she couldn't distinguish between the joyful cackling and Ember's usual cry for attention.

"No, shh listen" He urged, sitting up behind her and snaking his arms around her middle, keeping her in the bed until she realised the infant was fine. Erin was quiet for a moment, waking up, rubbing at her bleary eyes, listening intently.

"Aw" She eventually cooed, watching as Ember squealed and flung her arms out, twisting to grasp her own foot then stuffing it into her mouth and sucking it contentedly.

"Come here, sleep" Kelly ordered softly, sighing as he reclined, keeping hold of his wife so that she was forced to follow him. She yawned then rolled in the circle of his arms to press her chest to his, turning her face away from the light she snuggled into the crook of his neck. Taking his advice instead of fighting it for once she let sleep steal her away. Kelly could feel her body relax, getting heavier or at least slumping more heavily against him. He adjusted his hold of her after a few minutes, settling on his back with her at his side. The position had many advantages, it enabled him to take a full breath and he could alternate between gazing at his beautiful wife and their adorable daughter.

Before long Ember tired of sucking her foot, replacing it with her little finger she too drifted off to sleep. Kelly dozed then, woken by a little hand grabbing his foot what could easily have been hours later. Shay used the foot to haul herself up onto the bed, creeping slowly on her knees until he opened his eyes and acknowledged her presence. "Daddy!" Shay greeted, loudly and excitedly.

"Shh" He requested softly, smiling back at her before throwing back the covers so that she could cuddle in next to him.

"Mama's a sleepyhead" Shay agreed, sliding into the space he had made.

"Mhmm, shh" Kelly communicated again, feeling his wife unconsciously snuggle closer in an attempt to block out the noise. Shay frowned but didn't say anything as he tucked the covers over her as best he could with one hand, patting her leg repetitively in the hope she would stay quiet. The silence lasted all of thirty seconds.

"Daddy… Daddy I hundry" Shay whispered directly into his ear, sounding far louder than she had before because of her nearness.

"Okay" He accepted grudgingly, trying to let his lack of enthusiasm reach his face as he contemplated the best approach to extricating himself without disturbing his wife.

"Now Daddy! I hundry nooow" The toddler whined pitifully, doing her best to be quiet like he had asked while also getting across her desperate need for food. Kelly knew better than to send her down to the kitchen alone but it was awfully tempting. He tried to tell himself that he was selflessly thinking of his wife even though it wasn't entirely the truth.

"Alright" He sighed, having no idea how he was going to accomplish the task but aware the toddler would only get louder and more restless if he didn't move. Starting with a slow wriggle he managed to make some room between them, his arm sliding out from beneath his wife as her head settled against the pillow. With one arm around Shay's middle he scooped her up as he stood, stuffing a pillow into his former place in one smooth movement. He stood stationary for a moment taking a few deep breaths to make up for having held it.

"We hab bwekfast NOW?" Shay questioned in her normal speaking voice as they headed for the partially open door. Kelly froze, gave the toddler a disapproving look then watched over his shoulder as his wife took the pillow and cuddled it to her chest. When he was certain she was sleeping deeply again he continued on his way, closing the door softly behind himself.

"We gotta let Mama sleep princess" He informed gently, wondering if he had experienced a rapid decline in strength or if his daughter was just growing. "You can go down the stairs first, make sure I'm not going to step on anything pointy" He told her as he set her down on her own feet.

"I sorried that!" Shay complained, screwing up her face to give him a dirty look before stomping down the stairs.

"I know, but sometimes just saying sorry isn't enough, sometimes you have to show the person that you're sorry" Kelly explained as he followed her, he hadn't meant to be mean or to dredge up the difficulties of the previous day but since that was the way she had interpreted it he was going to seize the opportunity. Wanting to make it very clear that her poor behaviour would no longer be tolerated.

"I woulda! I woulda s-owed you but Mama gotted in me way… I were gon kissie-cuggle you" The toddler protested rapidly, she usually had quick recall of any situation in which she'd had to apologise.

"Mm, you can show me by not doing it again. Does that sound fair?" He asked as they entered the kitchen.

"I dunno" Shay shrugged, making a beeline for the pantry.

"Uh-uh, wait a sec" He requested, lifting her from behind and hefting her up onto the bench.

"Dada" She grumbled as she jabbed her pointer finger in the direction of the cupboard, trying to communicate that she'd be happy to listen once she'd had something to eat.

"No Shay. You can show me that you're sorry by not leaving your hair ties–"

"Clippies" Shay corrected sharply, her Elsa doll had her practicing hair accessory terminology.

"–Or clips" He accommodated. "Or anything else on the stairs, or on the floor where people walk and might step on them" Kelly attempted to finish, noticing his daughter gazing off into the distance. "Shay" He prompted, using a fingertip to turn her head. He understood that she was hungry and that it was affecting her ability to concentrate but didn't want to abandon the point he was trying to make. "That goes for your toys too. No more leaving them on the floor for Mama to pick up."

"Hmph" The toddler exhaled, struggling to come to terms with that particular assertion. "Eben toys?" She questioned in utter disbelief.

"Yep" He confirmed. "You're big enough to pick up your own toys when you're finished playing with them."

"Umkay…" She accepted slowly, clearly still thinking on it. "I s'pose… BUT I hab bwekie now? I sooo hungry-starving. I tell Mama!" Shay threatened, thoughts redirected by her rumbling stomach.

"Banana?" He offered, ignoring her theatrics.

"No! I want popcorn" She demanded, it wasn't a reasonable request in the slightest and certainly wasn't the answer he had been expecting. They didn't even have the means to make popcorn.

"Popcorn? For breakfast? Not likely" He dismissed, taking a banana from the fruit bowl and presenting it to her.

"But Mama said–" Shay began.

"Your mother did not say you could have popcorn for breakfast" He contended, certain his wife would never say anything of the like. "You can have a banana now or you can wait until pancakes are ready" He suggested as her final option.

"Oooh, pancakes?" The toddler enquired excitedly, she liked pancakes almost as much as she liked pizza.

"Yeah" He nodded, glad to see her smile even if it had been a long time coming.

"Pancakes wif popcorns?" She proposed creatively.

"No" He said, shaking his head as he left her on the bench to gather the ingredients from the pantry. Setting the banana down on the corner of the bench as he went.

"Daddy, I loved ya more when you was sicky-bear" Shay commented randomly a few moments later, swinging her legs to kick at the drawers below where she sat in an even thump-thump pattern.

"That's not a nice thing to say" He replied, giving her a sad look over his shoulder as he collected the flour and sugar containers in one arm.

"Me in troubles?" Shay asked with a small smile and a glint in her eyes that told him she wanted to be. It was possibly the most confusing question she had ever asked him though he understood her words perfectly.

"No Shay, you're not in trouble. I just don't understand why you would say that" He explained gently, placing the dry ingredients on the bench next to her. The toddler shrugged and avoided eye contact, remaining silent until he turned to the refrigerator.

"I hungry now" Shay informed emphatically, when he didn't look at her she assumed he hadn't heard. "I 'nana now Daddy!"

"One sec" He acknowledged distractedly, trying to get an egg out of the carton while holding the bottle of milk in one hand.

"I want my 'nana!" She howled, pointing to the piece of fruit not more than two feet away from her.

"Hop down and get it then" He suggested, if she couldn't think to push the containers out of her way and shuffle across the bench to it she could easily slide off and walk to it.

"NO. You get me 'nana Daddy" Shay denied flat out, extending her arm to point again.

"Please?" He put to her as he closed the fridge and returned to standing in front of her, putting all of the ingredients together.

"'Nana" She urged, acting as if he hadn't understood her.

"You can ask me nicely, say please" He requested, picking up the banana but keeping it out of her reach as he waited. She frowned up at him, blue eyes dark and determined, holding eye contact in an apparent act of defiance.

"Please" She conceded at last, so softly that the sound barely reached his ears, snatching for the banana from the moment her mouth moved.

"Would you like me to peel it for you?" Kelly questioned, lowering his hand slightly, it was the only logical reason he could think of that would explain her desire to have him fetch the fruit.

"No I do it" Shay fussed, her hand closing around the banana before he could react, she soon realised he wasn't just going to let it go. "Please" She added snootily. He sighed in frustration but released the banana before it was crushed sufficiently that she wouldn't want to eat it.

"And?" He encouraged hopefully, despite her already being engrossed by the process of removing the peel.

"Please" She shot back rapidly.

"Come on Shay" He admonished. "You know this: thank you" He coached when she gave him a confused look.

"You so grumpy Daddy!" Shay exclaimed, dropping the peel to the floor between them. "You waked up wrong side da bed didn't cha?" She accused antagonistically.

"Shay" He warned, voice low and indisputably serious, taking a deep breath to keep himself from reacting too strongly.

"Oh please Daddy!" The toddler complained angrily, her foot striking him just below the ribs. It didn't hurt him but she screamed at his immediate reaction, taking the banana from her, he left it on the bench and picked her up carrying her through to the dining room. Shay continued to scream and writhe, fighting to get out of his hold, he ignored her taking the nearest chair and carrying it back into the kitchen. He set it down by the back door and sat the toddler on it.

"It's not okay to kick me Shay" He told her firmly, crouched to her eye level in the hope she would listen and comprehend. He'd barely stood up when she made her first attempt to leave the chair. "No, you sit there and calm down."

"Daddy!" Shay shouted before resorting to screaming again. It took ten minutes and a lot of patience to get her to sit on the chair silently but two minutes after she did he gave her a chance to apologise. She refused so he left her for two more minutes, finally starting on the pancake batter before returning to try again. It didn't sound sincere but she said the words and it was good enough for him. Shay cried against his shoulder when he offered her a hug, clinging to him as he returned to cooking breakfast. He didn't manage to dislodge her until he finished in the kitchen, leaving her on the couch to watch cartoons and eat her own plate of pancakes while he headed upstairs.

"Good morning beautiful" He greeted softly, smiling at his wife as she looked up from the baby in her arms.

"Morning handsome" Erin returned, gazing hungrily at the plate in his hand as he settled on the edge of the bed.

"Breakfast" He announced, angling the plate so that she could see the pancakes he'd stacked up for her. They'd only had enough peanut butter for one so he'd put it on top, the rest slathered with Nutella and sprinkled with chopped peanuts in the hope she wouldn't notice.

"Mmm, looks good, thank you" She said, feeling very spoiled to have her still recovering husband cooking her breakfast in bed. Adjusting the way she held Ember so she'd have a free hand she was confused when he withdrew the plate.

"It'll cost you" He informed with a cheeky grin.

"Oh?" She enquired, face falling to a combination of questioning and disappointed. She smiled into the kiss he leaned in to deliver, placing her hand on the back of his neck to deepen it.

"Not so bad huh?" He winked, offering up a forkful as he sat back. She raised her hand to take the fork but he already had the pancake nudging at her lips. He watched as she chewed and swallowed, brushing off her gratitude before stealing another kiss and delivering another morsel. Convinced it was the best way for her to eat and suggesting that they do it more often, pointing out the perks of hands-free eating and more frequent displays of affection.

"Is Shay alright?" Erin questioned with some trepidation when the kisses began to last longer and the forkfuls became smaller.

"Yeah" He assured dismissively.

"I heard her screaming…" She pressed, hoping he would offer an elaboration.

"Mmm. I'm actually going to take her out this morning… You'll be alright with Em won't you? Chase will be here, and he needs to tell you some good news" Kelly tried to redirect.

"I'm fine, but are you? Taking her out by yourself, is that a good idea?" She asked cautiously, not because she thought he was incapable but because she wasn't sure he was physically up to catching and restraining Shay if she ended up throwing a full on tantrum in public, like she had the day before.

"I'm feeling so much better today, honestly we'll be perfectly fine. And I think she needs it…" He trailed off, thinking about their daughter.

"What are you going to do?" She enquired, trying to look as uninterested as possible.

"Just spend some time with her" He shrugged, clearly unwilling to expand on it.

"Okay, but take it easy" She permitted conditionally. "And if you could stop by the grocery store for peanut butter I'd love you even more than I do right now" She added optimistically.

"I'll get your peanut butter" He promised before capturing her lips for another kiss, savouring the combined chocolate and nutty taste of her mouth.

"Thank you" She exhaled as they parted, Kelly forcing himself to his feet since he knew he wouldn't follow through with his plan otherwise. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do" Erin urged as he crossed the room and began to dress, pulling on his casual jeans and a t-shirt she was pretty sure he'd already worn. She was pleased with his mobility, especially since she hadn't seen him take any of his painkillers. A morning out could be a good thing for all of them, she'd have some time to spend with Ember and Chase while he seemed to think he could handle Shay's problematic behaviour.

**So I ended up at a dinner party until waaaay later than I expected last night and I was ridiculously busy today. I hope this chapter wasn't too much of a disappointment, writing unhappy Shay is hard!**


	196. Chapter 196

"Where we going?" Shay questioned as she turned around to sit in her car seat, straightening her dress before sliding her arms through the seatbelt.

"You'll see" Kelly assured as he reached in, brushing her hands aside so that he could check the seatbelt was secure. Shay frowned but waited until he withdrew his hands to cross her arms and get a severe glare going. Kelly ignored it, closing the car door satisfied in the knowledge he wouldn't have to face her for the duration of the drive. A glance at the rear view mirror when he was situated in the driver's seat told him she was still unhappy but that there wasn't any more of the muttering under her breath that had occurred inside. Of course she had been reluctant to get dressed and ready when he had asked, instead throwing a tantrum that resulted in ten minutes of refusing to sit on the bottom step and six muttering to herself and refusing to apologise.

"I don't wanna go" Shay whined as he stopped at the end of the driveway to wait for the oncoming traffic.

"You don't even know where we're going" He reasoned gently, though he knew he would have been better off keeping his mouth shut. No matter what he said or did she was going to find something to frown, pout, scream, cry, shout or argue about. It was one of those days, and he was used to them now and then when she hadn't gotten enough sleep or was coming down with something, they had never had two in a row before though. He had a radical idea to stop it at one and a quarter, not wanting to lose any more of the time he was lucky to have with his family negotiating with a toddler that claimed she preferred him when he was unwell.

Shay kicked at her car seat and huffed at the response but didn't say anything, instead directing her frown out the window to see if she could recognise something and work out where they were going. The further they drove the more unsettled she became, shifting nervously in her seat and looking at the back of his headrest with wide, almost scared, eyes. "Daddy?" She squeaked when they'd been in silence for just over twenty-five minutes and were nearing their destination.

"Yes Shay?" He replied, concentrating on the traffic that was continually moving around their vehicle.

"I'm sorry… really sorry Daddy" Shay told him, as if it were vital information that would determine her fate.

"That's good" He accepted, his own eyes widening at the packed car park, he couldn't see a single vacant space and began to lose hope.

"Go home now please Daddy" Shay requested politely, concerned that the car had slowed. She wasn't sure she wanted to go wherever he was taking her.

"Nope" He denied, spotting an unoccupied space then seconds later another car heading towards it.

"But I sorry Daddy, I not do it again" She vowed.

"Shay we're not going somewhere bad…" He comforted, trying to be understanding of her objections while also scanning for another car space since the one he had eyed was taken before he could get to it.

"Where den?" Shay enquired seriously, raising her little hands in a questioning gesture he missed as he hit the indicator after stalking a family to their car. It took them a moment to pile into their car and reverse out but while waiting Kelly had a chance to answer his daughter.

"Here, the botanic gardens. We came here for your birthday and saw the fairies" He explained, out of the car almost as soon as they'd stopped.

"Fairies?" Shay questioned as her father pulled open her car door.

"Yeah, we're not seeing them today though. I want to take you somewhere special" He clarified, doing his best to sound calm and gentle, her little hands were grasping the seatbelt clasp so tightly that he knew she was anxious.

"Why?" She demanded bluntly but not rudely, in search of information rather than trying to defy him.

"Because I love you" He reasoned, it was usually an all-powerful answer but Shay still held firm.

"But I been naughty" Shay prompted, worried that if she got out of the car she wouldn't be getting back in. She regretted her bade behaviour to a degree, she was certainly getting more attention because of it though.

"But I still love you" He rationalised, nothing she did could change that.

"Umkay" She permitted after a long moment deep in thought, moving her hands aside, the possibility of seeing fairies outweighing her concerns even if he had said they weren't going to. "But you no leave me behind" She added as she freed her arms and wriggled forward in the seat so he could lift her out.

"I would never do that" He guaranteed, looking her in the eye as he bent to set her down.

"Mama saided she would 'cause I was sooo naughty at the shoppies yesterday Daddy… Did Mama tell you I was the worst naughty?" Shay asked cheerfully as she began to move away from him, putting one foot in front of the other as she balanced on the painted white line that divided the car spaces. It was very nearly breaking one of their rules.

"No she didn't say that" He shook his head, his wife hadn't needed to say something, the defeated look in her eyes when she'd returned home sufficient for him to work out it hadn't been a pleasant experience. "Mama loves you too" He reminded, taking her hand. "Come on, let's go. We can talk when we get there."

"Ooh Daddy I 'member da flowers" Shay shared, slowing as she pointed to a shrub covered in tiny purple flowers.

"Yeah, there are always pretty flowers here" Kelly acknowledged, taking her hand again. He could only hold it for so long, tipping to the side to compensate for his height began to hurt quite quickly either way, crushing or overstretching his wounded side.

"Daddy you walkin' too fastly" Shay complained a minute later, trotting to catch up with him after stopping to poke a bright orange flower. There were so many beautiful things to see but he was rushing past such that she couldn't get a good look at any of them.

"I'll slow down, but you can walk faster too" He suggested, freezing mid stride until she reached his side. "We'll come back and look at the flowers in a little bit. We need to talk first" He added, determined to get the serious business out of the way before having fun, he didn't want her to think that bad behaviour led to fun outings.

"Why?" She questioned, again to understand what was happening rather than to annoy him. She was quite confused about where they were going and now about what they were going to do when they got there, talking didn't sound like much fun.

"Don't you want to talk to me?" He said for lack of anything better to say.

"Maybe… 'Cause I naughty?" Shay posed seriously.

"Shay" He warned, apparently she was already starting to associate doing the wrong thing and spending time with him.

"I am a naughty princess" She declared without hesitation, he gave her a look and offered his hand. Shay took it and quickened her pace to walk alongside him, just as he reached the point where he had to straighten their actual destination came into view.

"Here we are, what do you think?" He questioned, looking at the large dark tree before them, atop smooth manmade contours of turfed space. He couldn't stop memories of his wife laughing and smiling as she'd raced him to the tree and rolled down the hill flooding his mind.

"That the biggly-est tree I eber see-d Daddy!" Shay exclaimed, her short stature making it seem positively enormous.

"Yeah, it's my favourite tree. Do you want to come sit under it with me?" He enquired, starting at a slow walk, the surrounding grassed space was occupied by dozens of couples and families on picnic blankets while the shaded grass at the base of the trunk was clear.

"Umkay" She agreed as she followed him.

"Want to sit on my lap?" He asked next, having lowered himself to the ground, it was more dirt than grass but at least he could lean against a smooth part of the trunk. Shay was gazing upward in awe of the size of the tree but heard his question, looking to him before nodding. "Come here then" He encouraged, patting his knees before extending his hands to take her around the middle, settling her in his lap. She leaned her head back against his chest and returned to marvelling at the tree, it's complex network of branches and leaves along with the occasional bird perched way up high.

"Dis special tree" Shay decided within the first few moments. They sat in silence for a little longer, until Kelly felt it was the right time to speak.

"Mhm, it is a special tree. Mama and I came here when we went away for our anniversary. And we sat over there and I told her all the things I love about her. You know what I love about you Shay?" He paused for a beat then continued, her blue eyes locked on his face he knew he had her attention. "I love that you make me smile, all the time. And laugh too, you can be pretty silly sometimes. I love the way you dance and sing and spin around until you fall over... I love the way you read to me and I love reading to you. I love spending time with you, watching Dora or Frozen or Hockey or going on adventures to the park… And out in the backyard. I love making sandcastles with you and playing soccer with you. I love the way your kisses make me feel better and your hugs are so warm and snuggly. I love watching you with your little sister, you're the best big sister Emmy could ever ask for, sharing your toys, playing with her, reading and singing to her, patting her belly when she sleeps, looking out for her when Mama and I aren't there. I love the way you help your Mama. I love that you always try to help people… I love your eyes and your nose and your pretty little fingers–"

"Me fingaas?" She giggled, looking down at her hands she didn't see anything special about them.

"Mhm. When you were born you were the tiniest baby I had ever seen. Every part of you was small but especially your fingers. You were so small and fragile that I worried that I might break you if I hugged you too tight. But I don't worry about that any more, you've grown up a lot since then. I love that you eat your veggies" He added to his previous list, he wasn't finished by any means but he could feel the conversation shifting to a more serious note. "We've been through some pretty tough stuff… and I wish that I could have protected you better but I love that you're tough, you're resilient. You don't let bad things upset you for long" He provided as an example, one that along with some of his other statements didn't really describe her recent behaviour.

"When you gotted hurted was bad" Shay nodded earnestly.

"Yeah that was bad wasn't it? But I'm getting better now" He insisted, wrapping one arm around her to hug her tightly.

"Mama was sad. And Papa Hanky was grumpy and Emmy cried lots 'cause he didn't bottle her right or let me drinks coffees…" Shay described, remembering the immediate impact with great clarity.

"Mmm" He responded, it wasn't necessarily new information but it was interesting to hear her perspective.

"And Chasey's s'oulder was hurty him so bad he was real upsetted Daddy. And him a growed-up. Him telled me him was real sorry… and he was sad too" She added, frowning a little at the memory.

"What did you feel Shay?" He was curious to know. She didn't answer straight away though and didn't really seem to be thinking about it, suggesting that she hadn't really had a chance to process what it meant to her. "Were you sad?"

"Yeah… I love you Dada" She reasoned, twisting to cuddle into his chest. He could hear her sniffle but her face was pressed so hard against his chest that he couldn't see if she was crying. Shay could feel his heart beating through her forehead though, comforted by the repetitious lub-dub.

"I love you too Princess" He breathed into her hair, inhaling the distinct scent of his daughter. "I will always love you, no matter what you do Shay" He promised, kissing her forehead as she peered up at him, watery eyes and quivering bottom lip indicating that she was still fighting not to cry. "But I love it most of all when you're happy" He enthused, smiling at her to lighten the mood. "What can I do to make you happy again?"

"Umm… I does want coffees… and popcorns" Shay mentioned, the only things she could really think of when her mind had been somewhere else completely a moment ago.

"How about other than food" He urged.

"We can huggle-cuddle-snuggle more please" She requested, rubbing her face against his chest as she took handfuls of his shirt and pulled herself back in.

"Okay" He approved, patting her back before wrapping both arms around her and hugging her close. By the time Shay sat back up she had a few other ideas.

"And play wif me baff times. And reading in my bed and pizza…" She hesitated because that was a food and she was supposed to be thinking of other things. "And skating! I love skatin' wif you Daddy and Chasey."

"Maybe next weekend we can go skating" He considered aloud, he could probably manage a gentle skate already so by giving it another week he ensured he'd be able to keep up with her.

"Are you all better Daddy or is you still hurty-sicky-bear?" Shay queried, noting the way he was thinking about her request.

"I'm still getting better. I can do all of those things with you but I can't go back to work yet" He explained, not wanting to lie to her after they'd managed such a mature conversation. It was hard to remember at times that she was only two and half, struggling in a world with so many adult concepts she didn't understand.

"Good" She accepted with a nod.

"Yeah."

"Can we go zoo?" She asked, excited by the idea but trying to keep it contained in case he thought that was too much.

"You want to go to the zoo?" He returned, smiling, surely that meant it was a good idea.

"Umm… Da zoo wif da fishes" She clarified, trying to remember the special name.

"The aquarium?" He suggested hopefully, certain the zoo didn't have much of a fish display.

"JoJo went to the zoo and the…" Shay paused, looking to him to input the correct word.

"Aquarium" He repeated more slowly, enunciating clearly so that she might learn the word.

"And school!" She practically yelled. "I want to go to school Daddy! I a big girl and I knows my letters and my numbers, like fifty-eleventy-thirty-one – that's a big one – I reads too. I reads you Blue Fishy Wishy goodly doesn't I?" She had spoken so rapidly that it took him a second to realise she was finished, still processing the justification she had provided.

"You do read well. We can go to the zoo and the aquarium but I'm not sure about school just yet" He confessed, proud of her desire to learn but knowing full well she wasn't even close to school age. They could look at kindergartens and preschools but most wouldn't accept her until she was at least three.

"Mama can come… She helpin' me wif me letters and numbers" Shay remedied, taking her mother to school seemed like a sensible idea.

"Who do you want to take to the zoo?" Kelly redirected before she could get too caught up on the idea of school.

"Emmy-Bear!" Shay answered without even thinking.

"And?" He prompted.

"You!" Shay giggled, he realised it was the longest he'd seen her smile in almost two weeks. A sad statement about how preoccupied he had to have been not to notice her uncharacteristic behaviour before it had become extreme.

"Anyone else?"

"Mama and Chasey and Nada and Aunty Katie and Grampy Hanky and…Diego" She listed confidently, adding the last name in a whisper before blushing.

"That's a lot of people, I don't know if we can take that many" He admitted, again not wanting to deny her what she wanted but trying to be realistic.

"But there more Daddy, all my family. I love all my families" Shay asserted.

"I know, and we'll see. Even if it's just you and me, Mama and Emmy I'm sure we'd have a fun time" He hoped to compromise.

"Prob'ly" She nodded, realising she was nearing what could be considered rude behaviour. They were having so much fun she didn't want to ruin it.

"We can do those things. I won't always be able to say yes to doing the things you want to do but I'll always try my best because I love you, you're my big baby girl" He reinforced with another hug and a kiss.

"I love you too, lotsly" Shay mumbled into his shoulder.

"Shay, there are lots of leaves on this tree right?" He questioned, having had an idea on how to better communicate what he was trying to say.

"Yeah, prob'ly forty million" She declared, the biggest number she could come up with, or rather the number she'd heard Lee-Henry claiming was the biggest.

"Well if you ever wonder how much I love you, think of this tree and all those leaves and if every leaf was a reason I loved you there still wouldn't be enough…" He claimed, as irrational as it would sound to an adult he knew it would give his daughter something physical to picture when she tried to quantify his love for her.

"Wow Daddy… I love you them much too!" Shay agreed, nodding seriously before leaning back in his arms, pointing up and beginning to count. "One, two, free, fifty, 'leven…"

"How about that coffee?" He proposed as a better use of their time.

"Daddy! Don't be silly" She shook her head and laughed, knowing he couldn't be telling the truth.

"I'm serious, you want coffee or not?" He asked, pushing off the tree as he began to stand up, keeping her in his arms.

"Yeah" The toddler agreed enthusiastically. He managed to piggyback her all the way to the little café he'd taken his wife to for breakfast in on their anniversary. Once there he also managing to communicate that he wanted a hot chocolate in the same mug as his coffee to the woman at the counter. Shay was none the wiser and thoroughly enjoyed her 'coffee', getting chocolaty milk froth all down her chin and onto her dress as they sipped and discussed, at the toddler's request, exactly how he had gotten hurt. Kelly didn't go into a lot of detail but answered all of her questions, feeling like his morning talking to Shay like an equal had been a success he snapped a picture of his daughter and sent it to his wife to let her know.

**I really appreciated the feedback I got re:Shay yesterday. I hope you liked her in this chapter as well :D I love the relationship Kelly has with her and it's great fun to write Daddy/Daughter scenes. Next up it's Chase and Erin's turn!  
**


	197. Chapter 197

"That's it, come on bub!" Erin encouraged excitedly, jiggling the fluffy pink teddy bear in front of the baby.

"Ehh" Ember grunted in exertion, looking determinedly at the bear before reaching her left arm forward, followed almost immediately by her right. Resting her weight on her elbows she curled her fingers into the carpet, pushing her toes down into it as well. Both pulling and straightening her legs to push herself she moved a few inches. Her stomach didn't leave the floor and it was definitely an army crawl not a proper crawl but it was progress on rolling as far as locomotion was concerned.

"Chase?" Erin called, movement in her peripheral vision surely had to be the only other person in the house. She thought she'd heard him on the stairs but he'd swept past the lounge room door so quickly she thought for a moment she was seeing things. Then his head popped into view.

"Yeah?" He questioned, backtracking to stand in the doorway, looking three quarters guilty and one quarter downright exhausted. He tried to relax under her intense inspection, Erin trying to work out what was causing him to appear so nervous.

"There are pancakes" She explained as soon as she remembered why she'd stopped him. She wanted to ask if he was okay but he didn't seem to want to hold eye contact, his gaze instead drifting to the baby as she made another lurch forward.

"Em! Did you see that? She moved!" He exclaimed, moving rapidly across the room to sit down next to her, taking Ember's hand and shaking it excitedly.

"Aaa!" Ember squealed, delivered in a way that made him pretty sure she'd have said 'ta-da' if she could, showing off her new ability.

"Yeah, she's getting good isn't she? I put her down in the middle of her rug, she got here all by herself" Erin shared, placing a hand on his shoulder as he looked in awe at the baby he remembered meeting at less than a day old, totally incapable of controlling herself.

"That's incredible" He laughed, so shocked to be present for something so precious.

"You want a go?" She asked, holding out the pink bear for him to take.

"Like this?" He checked as he danced the bear around before the baby.

"Mhm" She nodded, smiling as Ember began to move again. In just half an hour she seemed to have worked out how to coordinate her limbs, arms pulling, while her chunky legs pushed. Shay hadn't even attempted anything similar at that age, she had barely begun to roll over but was far more vocal at the same time. As miraculous as seeing the four month old inching along was the most heart-warming part was seeing Chase interact with her.

"C'mon Em, Come on Emmy-bear" He urged, bouncing the bear within the baby's reach. Ember seemed to be struggling though, giving a frustrated cry when she didn't apply enough downward force, her foot slipping along the carpet instead of propelling her forwards.

"Sorry, I probably tired her out" Erin apologised, if she'd known it would make her boy grin so broadly she wouldn't have let the baby exhaust herself.

"One more Emmy" He requested, refusing to end the moment on anything but a positive. The infant seemed eager to try again, bringing her feet up and bending her knees to look a bit like a frog she waited for the opportune moment. They thought she had forgotten to use her arms but instead she had decided to alter the sequence of movements, hand closing around the teddy bear's ankle when she moved. Chase released the bear in surprise, allowing the baby to pull it towards herself, first face planting into the soft pink fur then turning her head to the side and slipping her little finger into her mouth. "That is so cool…" Chase sighed, resting a hand on the baby's back as he looked to his mum, still grinning.

"Yeah it is" Erin agreed, able to see the joy radiated in his eyes, anxiety and tiredness evaporated. "I'll get your breakfast if you watch her" She added once their eyes had drifted back to the baby, Ember's eyelids beginning to droop as she sucked her pinky finger more fiercely.

"Oh…thanks" He acknowledged, she was already on her feet and ruffling his hair by the time he processed her words. Completely mesmerized by the baby's big grey-blue eyes staring up at him, her whole body rising and falling as she breathed deeply. Ember stopped sucking for a moment as a huge yawn overtook her face, Chase stroking her cheek softly as she blinked slowly. She let out a tiny murmur of contentment just as she closed her eyes, feeling her brother scoop her into his arms as she drifted off to sleep. Chase let his little sister keep hold of the pink bear as he settled her in his arms, rocking her gently as he shifted onto the couch.

Erin entered the room some time later with a plate in one hand, a smile on her face and happiness in her heart. It was so obvious that Chase loved Ember; a protective older brother that would never let any harm come to his littlest sister. Remaining quiet out of respect for the baby's need to sleep Erin joined them on the couch, holding up the plate to remind Chase that his food was waiting. She could see that he was conflicted, enjoying the moment with Ember but suddenly hungry as well, the smell of the reheated pancakes slathered in Nutella making his mouth water.

"Swap?" She suggested softly when a minute later he still didn't seem able to make a decision.

"Mm" He accepted reluctantly, leaning down to kiss Ember's forehead before surrendering her to her mother. They returned to a comfortable silence as he began to eat, Erin watching over her baby and keeping an eye on him. She never realised just how deeply the presence of an infant could change an adult's disposition, increasing concern etching itself in the premature wrinkles of his face with each passing second.

"You alright?" She couldn't help but question when he sighed deeply for a third time, onto his last pancake his chewing had slowed to make eating look like a chore.

"Mhm" He dismissed, eyes unfocused when he directed them at her for a brief moment.

"I'm sorry about last night" She offered, thinking the young man might still feel uncomfortable around her since she hadn't taken the news of the investigation very well.

"Hm?" He questioned, head snapping up, eyes widening as he realised she had spoken.

"I said I was sorry, about last night. I don't blame you" She rephrased, smoothing Ember's soft hair with a few fingers as she waited for his response.

"I should have said something, it's not Kelly's fault either. I'm sorry too" He replied after some consideration, it hadn't been something they'd discussed, keeping it from her. It was a silent consensus that hadn't involved much rational thought but that they were equally responsible for.

"I don't blame anyone. I get it, it's in the past. I just don't like being lied to" Erin justified, thinking it was a perfectly reasonable thing to say. Chase's entire demeanour changed, he looked like he wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible but he didn't move, instead giving her a pained look. "Did you do too much at physio yesterday?" She asked, concerned enough to reach out and touch his arm caringly. He wasn't experiencing a physical pain though, just serious mental turmoil that he knew would only end when the truth came out.

"I lied" He confessed, voice small.

"Okay" She accepted, not sure what he was referring to but appreciating the honesty.

"I went to the doctor yesterday. He cleared me for light duties. I start back tomorrow night as acting Lieutenant…" Chase listed rapidly, taking a deep breath and bracing himself for her reaction.

"Wow" She responded, taking in what he had said. "How did that happen?" She enquired, referring to his new role.

"Captain Sampson, the one who led the investigation, asked Kelly who he thought could take over until he goes back… but Sampson suggested me too. I don't know why… Dad agreed and so did Boden so it's happening" He explained, though it was clear he didn't really understand how it had happened either.

"And how do you feel about it?" She posed, feeling very much like some sort of counsellor, it was the type of question they usually asked.

"I don't know… Scared I guess, what if I make the wrong call?" He questioned.

"You won't. There's a reason they picked you, the brass can see it, Kelly can see it and so can Chief Boden. You've got good instincts, you're a good leader… I'm really proud of you kid and I know you'll be great at this. As long as you're physically up to it" She reminded, trying to find a reason for the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew he was fit and well enough, he was young and had put effort into recovering as quickly as possible. Maybe it was just the return to low level worry associated with a loved one going on shift in a dangerous job.

"I am. I'm just tired because I stayed up late reading Dad's textbooks" He reasoned, knowing she was referring to how tired he looked, like the first few nights when he hadn't taken the painkillers and hadn't been able to sleep as a result.

"You already know everything you need to Chase and you won't be alone. If you make a bad call the squad will let you know, you're a team. I'm not saying your Dad isn't a strong leader, he is, it's just a different dynamic to a normal workplace, you work together instead of blindly following orders because of rank… And you can call him if you need help, it's not as if he's got anything better to do. We're here to support you" She reassured, knowing he'd do well if he didn't overanalyse it.

"Yeah I know that, thanks" Chase nodded, at times like that he was especially thankful for his family.

"You know how excited you were about Emmy? Proud?" She posed after thinking for a moment on how best to communicate how she felt.

"Yeah?" He said, not sure how it was relevant.

"Have you ever considered that I might feel like that about you? This is an exciting opportunity for you Chase, to develop your leadership skills and build your career… It's a good thing" She couldn't help but reiterate.

"I love you Mum" He laughed, sliding his plate onto the coffee table before shuffling across the couch and letting her pull him into a sideways hug.

"I love you too" Erin affirmed, resting her cheek against the top of his head.

"Could you tell Nadia all that stuff?" Chase asked after a few minutes, trying to distract himself by holding his little sister's hand.

"She isn't happy?"

"Nah, not at all… I don't get it" He admitted.

"Mm?" She asked, wondering if there was any way she could help.

"A while back she asked me what my five year plan was, I had no idea. She told me hers… I promised I wouldn't tell but she's got it all planned out: promotions, a new car, an apartment of her own…" He paused, not sure he had broken his promise but certain he had said too much. "I told her I'd think about it. I'm just happy with how everything is now so it's hard to think about the future, it never goes how you plan it anyway. The other day I told her that in five years I'd like to have my own squad and that I was going to get to see what that's like starting tomorrow… She freaked out" He summarised, his hand gestures suggested it had been bad.

"She doesn't want you to get hurt again, I worried when you first said you were going back but I have a lot more experience at this. I know the risks and I know that you'll be careful" She tried to enlighten, knowing that if he looked at it from Nadia's point of view it would make more sense.

"But you get what I mean though? She gets annoyed because she thinks I haven't got a plan for the future then I make one and it's not good enough" Chase described, looking for her to validate his feelings. Erin tried to keep her face neutral, seeing nothing but a perfect example of the differences between men and women. He really thought it was that black and white.

"You've just been injured at work and you're going back. I know that her five year plan would have included you, then you got hurt and it reminded her how dangerous your job is–"

"Her job is dangerous too" He countered.

"Yes but she wasn't hurt two weeks ago, you were. I'm not saying it's logical but love isn't" She shrugged, seeing in his eyes that he finally got the message. She gave him a few minutes to think then sought to see if she could be of any further assistance. "What else have you thought about adding to your five year plan?"

"A baby" He disclosed in barely a whisper, stroking the back of Ember's hand with his thumb.

"Don't say that to her" Erin warned instantly.

"I think she already knows. We've kind of talked about it a few times, having a family" He remarked softly, it had come up a few times but she'd never really given a firm answer either way.

"She's younger than you and she's exactly how I used to be, maybe a little more mature because she's got you but don't say something like that to her, don't put a time on it. I'm not saying it's a bad thing – you'll make a wonderful father one day – just don't scare her away by getting too serious too quickly" She advised, not that she really had much weight behind her argument considering the way her relationship had formed.

"You just don't want to be a grandma" He teased, trying to lighten the mood. He knew what she was saying and was glad for the advice, she seemed to far more capable and knowledgeable when it came to the complicated emotional stuff.

"That too" She accepted.

"So what should I say my five year plan is?" He enquired seriously.

"Well where do you want to be in five years?"

"Right here" Chase answered without much thought, it wasn't a bad place to be.

"No, you want to be a Lieutenant, there's an exam isn't there?" She prompted.

"Yeah"

"So you want to pass the exam, you could probably do with your own car too… your own apartment? Or an apartment with Nadia?" She proposed hypothetically, trying to give helpful suggestions.

"Maybe, I love it here with you guys though" He shrugged, not sure he would ever want to leave.

"I know, and you'll always have a place here but you need to have your own life too, you can't have a kid while you're still living here with us" She rationalised.

"So I want a car and to move out?" He queried, wanting to make sure he didn't say the wrong thing to his girlfriend.

"Yeah, that shows that you're taking this seriously, being adult about it" Erin acknowledged.

"Being an adult sucks sometimes" He noted, running his fingers through his hair as he tried to work out what he really wanted his life to look like in five years.

"You can tell her that too, you don't want to get old and boring..." She agreed, so glad they were focused on him because she didn't even want to think about a five year plan of her own. Just like him she didn't want anything to change, happy, healthy and surrounded by family was enough.

"Really?" He asked doubtfully.

"Why not? Be honest with her, she's just checking your life plans don't clash."

"I'd like to travel with her, take her to Paris or Rome… Somewhere beautiful" He mused, the problem with ideas like that was that they always seemed so distant.

"Mhmm"

"I want to do so much…" He realised.

"Start a list?" Erin suggested, knowing she'd had bucket lists of varying forms over the years.

"I think I'm going to have to" Chase agreed, wondering if his girlfriend would like an old fashioned pen and paper list.

"The best things won't be on it though, the best things are the unexpected parts… Like you joining our family" She reviewed knowingly.

"Aww" He fussed mockingly, understanding exactly what she was saying but uncomfortable showing the amount of emotion required to respond adequately. Instead he let his head rest against her shoulder once again. They threw ideas back and forth for almost an hour before Shay and Kelly arrived home. Erin made lunch and they ate together as a family, nobody felt much of a need to talk, all feeling reaffirmed in their roles and positions. They watched a movie together afterwards, Shay fell asleep and Erin and Chase pretended it was the first time they had seen Ember move when she started to inch across the floor. They both knew Kelly would be disappointed to have missed out on a milestone, coming to a silent consensus much the way the men had at the start of the week. It made their choices much more reasonable in Erin's mind, even though it wasn't quite of the same scale, they were putting someone they loved first.

**Thanks for reading :D**


	198. Chapter 198

"Mama?" Shay questioned as she waltzed into the kitchen, small feet slapping the hardwood floor with each step.

"Yes Shay?" Erin answered, looking over her shoulder for just long enough to see the toddler nearing.

"How can I helps you?" The toddler enquired sweetly – a direct result of her father's intervention – taking the hem of her mother's shirt in her hands and giving it a tug.

"Uh…" She thought aloud, there weren't really any toddler friendly jobs involved in dinner preparation that night. "I don't need any help right now, but thank you for asking" She resolved.

"I peel da taters?" Shay offered, despite being unable to perform the task, her limited two year old coordination making it downright dangerous.

"I'm almost done" Erin denied gently, holding up the half peeled potato to show Shay, glad the toddler wasn't tall enough to see that there were three more of the vegetable waiting in the sink.

"Hm" Shay complained softly, conducting a closer inspection of her mother's shirt as she tried to think of another way to render assistance. Her analysis of the garment of course included a test for transparency, holding the light material up to her eyes and attempting to observe her surroundings through it. When Erin looked down she was instantly reminded of her husband just prior to their anniversary, testing undergarments in much the same way.

After rinsing her hands and setting the potato and peeler aside she shook of the excess water and caressed her daughter's head. Pulling a face that made the toddler giggle when she lowered the fabric and looked up. "Wha' 'bout Emmy? She stinky-butt? I diapy her" Shay proposed, releasing the shirt and instead taking her baby sister's foot. Ember gurgled and kicked at the ticklish sensation of the light touch, bouncing herself in the baby carrier on her mother's chest.

"Em doesn't need changing sorry bub. I thought you were playing with Chase" She reminded, rubbing the baby's back to settle her so she could pay more attention to the toddler.

"Nah hims reading to Daddy, the biggest book in the 'tire world!" Shay informed, accidentally smacking her hand against the cupboard door when she tried to show her mother just how big the book was. Erin quickly took the hand and squeezed it tight, pressing a kiss to it in the hope of preventing tears over the minor injury.

"Chase is reading to Daddy?" She checked, genuinely surprised by the statement but also using it as a distraction.

"Mhmm, but it not a story even. The biggyest book and it not a story!" Shay explained, utterly baffled by the concept. "And he saided 'SSH! Shaaaaay!'" She mimicked, sounding only a little like her brother but pulling the exact facial expressions Erin knew he would.

"Oh" Erin accepted nodding understandingly. "I can watch you if you want to go play outside" She suggested, looking out the window into the backyard. She had started making dinner early because no matter what she did her potato bake always seemed to take forever to cook, it would still be light out for an hour or more thanks to the longer summer days.

"Wif Emmy?" Shay asked, making her sister squeal as she stroked her bare leg.

"Yeah okay" She agreed, the baby could do with some fresh air and she'd be able to keep a fairly close eye on them through the window. "If you get her rug" She added, not wanting to put the baby on the grass.

"I be quickest" Shay said before taking off at a run. "I back!" The toddler announced not more than half a minute later, the brightly coloured rug draped over her shoulder. Erin dropped the potato she had begun to peel into the sink and spun around.

"Wow that was quick! I didn't even know you'd gone" She enthused, taking the rug and ruffling Shay's hair at the same time.

"That's silly Mama" Shay complained, patting her hair flat with both palms.

"Mm, a little, you were quick though" Erin maintained, leading the way to the back door. They negotiated over the best place on the grass for the rug then spread it out in the long shadow of the house, directly in front of the window where Erin would be able to see the whole thing. "Now you have to make sure she stays on the rug, and don't let her put anything in her mouth" She requested as she unclipped the baby carrier and extracted the happy baby, laying Ember on her back in the middle of the rug such that any escape attempt would take some effort. She took off the empty baby carrier and tossed it onto the table, hooking it on the leg of an upturned chair.

"'Cept her fingaas?" Shay reasoned, taking the wrist attached to the hand in the baby's mouth, awaiting her mother's orders to decide whether to yank it out or leave it be.

"Yeah, except her fingers" Erin nodded, watching as Shay loosened her grip, tracing the baby's arm then poking at Ember's round belly through the white and yellow chevron print onesie she wore. The baby laughed and Erin couldn't help but smile as her girls began to play, Shay clapping Ember's feet together then tickling her just as she had seen her mother do that morning. "Okay, you alright?" She questioned after a few minutes, not quite ready to leave them and return to the dull task of peeling potatoes. "Do you want me to get her some toys?" She added a second later, having had a chance to think, at least that way she would be able to return.

"Emmy want her bear" Shay declared, though it was quite clear the baby didn't want a thing in the world, grinning gummily at her sister and the attention she was getting.

"The pink one?" Erin asked, wanting to make sure she got the right one. Ember didn't have a comfort toy the same way Shay did but she was beginning to develop a strong attachment to the fluffy pink bear Kevin Atwater had given Shay for her first birthday.

"Yeah, it her fav-rit" Shay nodded when two days ago she'd likely have screamed about the toy belonging to her.

"I'll be back in a sec" She notified as she backed away slowly, watching as Ember rocked from side to side to build up enough momentum to roll over. She could hear Shay clapping and cheering when the baby managed the feat from the top of the back stairs. On her way through the kitchen she grabbed her phone from the bench, intending to take a few photos of the girls when she went back out. Through the dining room and along the hall she paused at the lounge room doorway, Kelly and Chase were sitting shoulder to shoulder on the couch, conversing intently as they looked at the textbook held open between them. They didn't notice her arrival or the way she took the phone from her pocket and snapped a few quick photographs.

"Hey Er, what's your first priority at the scene of an accident?" Kelly questioned as she crouched to take the bear from the top of the toy box, having tiptoed into the room so as not to disturb them.

"Um, keeping everyone alive?" She suggested with a shrug.

"And the lowest priority?" He asked next, giving no indication as to whether her first answer had been correct.

"I don't know, crowd control?" She put forward, straightening before letting her husband know with a look that she didn't appreciate the sudden inclusion in whatever they were doing.

"Mhm, see" Kelly approved nodding as he jabbed his finger at something in the book and looked at the younger man.

"Okay" Chase accepted, beginning to read the passage of the text. Erin suspected the young man had initiated the tutoring session, feeling uncertain and uncomfortable in the responsibility he was to be given in a matter of hours. Kelly had already made it clear he was willing to help and she was pleased to see him keeping his word. She wasn't entirely sure why she felt the need to still be standing there though.

"What are you up to?" Kelly asked his wife, sliding the textbook fully into Chase's hands.

"I just started dinner" She replied, urging him with her eyes to stay where he was and continue doing what he was doing.

"Okay, let me know if you need a hand" He offered, unsure what she was trying to communicate, though the roll of her eyes suggested that wasn't it. "Where'd Shay go?" He changed the subject, her raised eyebrows and swift hand gesture telling him she wanted him to keep answering Chase's questions. He was fine with that as long as the toddler wasn't off sulking or getting up to mischief unsupervised.

"Outside, playing with Emmy" She explained, holding up the bear before smiling at them both, her husband nodded and she took it as permission to leave. Making her way back outside she managed to close the door quietly enough that she didn't disturb the girls, avoiding the bottom stair that creaked to get into a good position to take a photo. Shay was lying flat on her back, arms wrapped around Ember to hold her on her stomach, the baby threatening to dribble on her big sister as she babbled at her.

"Mama!" Shay complained, turning her head to evade Ember's hand she spotted her mother crouched, phone raised, snapping away.

"I got the bear" Erin justified, standing up and putting the phone away before moving towards the girls. She had to look away to stop herself intervening as the toddler lifted the baby off herself and sat up. With Shay dangling the bear to make Ember army crawl the length of the rug Erin made the difficult decision to return to the kitchen. Watching them through the window she continued preparing dinner, the soft murmur of voices from the lounge room joined the girls' laughter in the air.

It was a pleasant atmosphere to work in, Erin smiling broadly as she set about slicing then layering the potato and sweet potato in a baking dish. Ember must have done something funny because Shay cracked up, laughing hysterically and rolling around on the grass. Meanwhile Kelly had to be doing some sort of live-action demonstration given the shifting and thudding coming from the lounge room, accompanied by the occasional shout of an order to an imaginary squad. The sounds produced accounted for everyone in the house so it was confusing then when the sound of footsteps approaching met her ears.

"Hey kid." Came his distinctive deep rumble.

"Hi" Erin greeted, wiping her hands on a tea towel before turning to greet him properly.

"Let myself in, hope you don't mind" Hank explained as he held her in a hug for a brief moment.

"Course not" She shook her head as she stepped back from him.

"Don't know what's going on in there but he looks better" Hank commented as he moved to the fridge, rearranging the contents as if it was his own before sliding a Tupperware container into a newly vacated space.

"They both are, Chase is headed back to work so Kelly's just giving him some tips… or something" She shrugged, a little dismissive even if it was rather amusing to listen to. What'd you make?" She questioned, gesturing to the fridge as she returned to fitting the last few slices of sweet potato into place, she really needed to get it in the oven.

"Just some brownies" He answered, they were nothing special, whipped up in twenty-five minutes so he didn't arrive empty handed.

"Ooh, did you use her recipe?" Erin asked excitedly, not sure why she avoided the name, maybe because she'd looked at a calendar and realised it was nearing that time of year.

"Always do, a few modifications to keep 'em dairy free for the little one though" Hank assured, unfazed by the almost mention of his late wife.

"Thank you" She said with a smile, folding the foil at the corners of the dish before passing him on her way to the oven. He seemed to realise she was busy, making his way to the far corner and back door so he didn't get under her feet.

"How are the little terrors today?" He questioned, watching as Shay folded the blanket up over her little sister, giggling as the baby kicked it off again.

"They're wonderful" She replied without need for thought, turning on the oven before crossing back to the sink.

"Look like they're having fun anyway" He noted, Shay attempting to play peek-a-boo through her uncontrollable laughter.

"We've had a good day" She reflected. A lazy morning cuddling in bed had been followed playtime in the lounge – Ember trying to escape while Shay memorized another portion of the alphabet – a family picnic in the park for lunch had been a success then there'd been naps all around in the early afternoon. Erin had done a load of washing; folding, sorting and putting away two more before conducting a general whole house tidy-up and starting on dinner.

"Good, after the last couple weeks you deserve a few of those" Hank approved, dividing his attention between watching his granddaughters play and observing his daughter make a salad.

"We're planning a day at the zoo sometime this week, and the aquarium too" Erin shared, looking forward to doing something fun as a family from the moment her husband told her the toddler's requests.

"That's a great idea" He agreed, taking over cutting the tomato because even after having showed her a hundred times she refused to do it his way.

"It was Shay's" She reasoned.

"Kids deserve it too, spend some time together before… Listen, I'm not trying to put any pressure on you but Burgess was throwing around some dates the other day, said you'd already discussed it… I wanted to check in with you" He ended up saying, it was clear it hadn't been his intention from the start though.

"What dates?" Erin questioned, she could recall her brunch with Kim but she didn't remember discussing a firm date, just something about a fall wedding.

"Twenty-first of September. Sounds way off but it's not. Emmy'll be six months old…" He reasoned cautiously.

"Yeah" She gasped, trying to mask her surprise by clearing her throat. "Yeah, no that sounds good. I'll be there" She vowed, giving him a reassuring look, he looked far more concerned than she felt about the whole thing.

"It's less than two months… Don't let it interfere with this family stuff, I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry kid, the job'll wait, take all the time you need" Hank urged, shaking his head then gesturing comfortingly at her.

"They haven't even had an engagement party yet have they?" She asked. If Kim and Adam were getting married before the twenty-first of September they had a lot to do in a short period of time. That was of course assuming they didn't already have everything planned, Erin forgetting that she was essentially two weeks behind because she'd been so focused on Chase and Kelly.

"They were handing out invites…" He informed surprisingly calmly, she could see he was angry. He loathed the bitchy 'you're not invited' scenario, having been through it with her enough times when she was a teen doing her best to fit in at a school where she was the anomaly. "Sounded like just another night at Molly's" He added casually, maybe if he didn't let it get to him it wouldn't get to her.

"Oh" She accepted, a little disappointed but certain Kim hadn't left her out intentionally. "Hank its fine, I'm fine" She asserted when she saw the look on his face, she wasn't that kid anymore.

"How are you cooking that?" He demanded, gesturing to the tray of steaks she'd pulled from the fridge, taking her mind off work and parties.

"What do you mean?" Erin asked, pointing to the frying pan she'd already set on the stove.

"Don't ruin them, good looking cut. I'll get the grill fired up" Hank concluded, almost snatching the tray from her hand before pushing through the back door. He'd always been one to take pride in a perfectly cooked steak. "We'll eat out here won't we?" He enquired through the window, pleased to see the barbeque the way he'd left it, positively gleaming it was so clean.

"Papa!" Shay shrieked, abandoning her little sister as she raced up the stairs to greet their visitor. Erin watched as he scooped the toddler up and gave her a hug, keeping an eye on Ember who was nearer the edge of the rug than she would have liked. Hank sent Shay back to watch her sister and set about cooking the steak, Erin finished her salad and checked the oven before the doorbell rang. Chase beat her to answer it but she joined them to greet Russ, welcoming him through and letting them all know that they were eating outside. It wasn't until Nadia arrived as well that Chase abandoned the textbook and ventured outside to socialise.

The back light went on, the chairs came down from the outside table and the girls ceased playing and gravitated towards the adults. Ember had a cuddle with Nadia while Shay occupied Russ's lap and told them all about the different flowers she had seen at the botanic gardens. Dinner was delightfully uneventful, good food and even better company made time stand still long enough for everyone to feel a surge of gratitude.

"I should get going" Chase remarked, the first to let reality reclaim him.

"Sure" Erin nodded acceptingly, completely oblivious to the time it wasn't until after he had headed inside that she realised what her husband's look meant. Chase must have been feeling nervous, there was no other explanation for him giving up family time to start getting ready an hour and a half early.

"Poor kid" Russ sympathised.

"I don't know what to say to him" Nadia conceded softly, looking to Erin even though she felt the same way. The conversation she'd had helped at the time but seemed to have worn off already.

"I'll go" Kelly decided, pressing a kiss to his wife's head as he handed the sleeping baby over and headed inside. Ten minutes later he sat on the front stairs next to Chase, the young man dressed and ready for work, his bag at his feet, keys in hand. "How many times have you suggested a way of doing something that's turned out better than my plan?" He asked Chase to recall.

"I don't know."

"Lots" Kelly answered for him. "You have any idea how nervous I was before my first shift in command?"

"Kinda?" Chase questioned, it didn't seem relevant, he'd only ever known the man as a superior, it was hard to imagine he'd ever even had a first day.

"More than kinda, I was fucking terrified. My hands were doing that sweaty thing, I'd taken a leak every five minutes leading up to it… Then first thing I did was fall on my face. Literally. Walked in ready to give the guys a pep talk, the nerves just disappeared, I was pumped and ready for that first call. Then I tripped on a hose and ended up flat on my face, I thought they'd never stop laughing, never respect me as a leader. But they did, they still do. If you need me to come in there with you tonight and tell them not to give you a hard time I will" Kelly promised despite having begged his own father not to do just that, they were different people. Chase was less self-confident, that didn't mean he wasn't as good though, Kelly would happily admit that the younger man was better, he just didn't know it.

"No" Chase shook his head swiftly; he had to do it himself.

"Right answer, I'd say you're ready" Kelly concluded, thumping the kid on the back for good measure.

"Really?" Chase asked, he hadn't thought there was a right or wrong answer, he hadn't even thought it was a question.

"Definitely" Kelly confirmed. "You've got plenty of time though, come back out" He encouraged, checking his watch for the time. There was still an hour until Chase had to be at the firehouse, at least half an hour could be spent relaxing with his family.

"I think I'll head in early and check over all the equipment" Chase decided, it was an equipment failure that had landed him in hospital.

"Okay. But at least come out and say goodnight to everyone first" Kelly requested, standing up and offering the kid, the closest thing he had to a son, his hand.

"Yeah, alright" Chase agreed, he had rushed off pretty quickly.

"Good man, you're gonna ace it" Kelly teased as he pushed the kid up the stairs, keeping a hand on his shoulder until they were through the front door.

**This one took two attempts, just couldn't get the dialogue right the first time. Still feels a little off but I didn't want to delay any further… **

**Hope this was okay Michnkicks :D**


	199. Chapter 199

**Please note I have been trying to update for quite a while now, recent storms have interfered with my internet access and I live in a rural town so getting anything done about it has been incredibly difficult. I don't know when it will be fixed, I'm using my phone to post this (and it's finally working!). **

**Not a huge chapter but I felt this scene was missing from the end of the last one.**

"Do you think he'll be alright?" Erin questioned as she rolled to face her husband, settling with her head resting on her arm between their pillows.

"Absolutely" Kelly answered without need for thought, reaching across to stroke her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"I'm not doubting his ability to do the job" She clarified defensively after a short pause, he could feel her facial muscles tense into a frown beneath his fingertip. She had no doubt Chase would do well in his new role; it was simply a mother's prerogative to worry.

"I know" He confirmed softly, shifting forward slightly to place a light kiss against her forehead, raising his hand to sweep her hair out of the way before repeating the comforting gesture. Erin sighed, her hot breath warming his neck, trying to let his touch relax her. He let his hand fall from tracing her ear, pulling her body against his and wrapping an arm around her. "Dinner was good" He whispered, lips moving against her skin as he spoke.

"Hank cooked" She dismissed, knowing exactly what he was trying to do.

"The potato bake was cooked just right though, and adding sweet potato was interesting. Shay liked it, Em might too if we mashed some" He suggested as enthusiastically as he could at low volume. It was the distraction attempt she'd immediately identified but he wasn't going to give up so easily.

"Maybe" She shrugged, placing a hand in the centre of his chest with every intention of pushing herself back to her own side of the bed. She wasn't ready to sleep but she didn't have to be keeping him awake.

"I love you" He reminded, tightening his hold.

"I love you too" She replied, pushing back only enough to look him in the eye as she said it. Even in the darkness she could make out the dark and glistening orbs, she knew that in the light they would be bright and full of his love for her. She loved the way he used those three words as a gentle reality check, reminding her that they were in it together. They'd both boarded the same wild rollercoaster, they were strapped in next to each other and would get through the ups and downs together.

His fingers found her chin a fraction of a second before his lips located hers, pressing first then withdrawing slightly in order to part before closing around her bottom lip. Sucking and releasing then tilting his head more significantly for a ravenous open-mouthed kiss, tongue darting into her mouth as soon as she permitted it. If distracting her with words wasn't going to work he had no choice to resort to actions, actions that brought him just as much pleasure as they did her.

He halted suddenly at the tiny whimpering moan she emitted, allowing her to breathe and in fact encouraging it by making her gasp as his hand slid up under her pyjama shirt. She was the one who initiated the second round, again conscious of his efforts to distract her but simultaneously concluding that it was the easiest way to relax herself. The heated battle lasted quite some time, ending only when Ember began to cry for the breast Kelly was so expertly kneading. While he had mastered the art of allowing the infant to self soothe Erin hadn't.

"They're gonna be tired after a day at the zoo…" Kelly suggested with a grin, turning on the bedside light and sitting up while his wife retrieved the hungry baby.

"Mhm" Erin agreed, still catching her breath as she took her place beside him, freeing her breast and allowing the baby to squirm, Ember using her fast developing muscles to orient herself and gain the comfort she desired.

"So what time should we leave in the morning? I think we could make a day of it. Buy lunch there…" He proposed, leaning across to kiss his wife's shoulder and smooth Ember's hair.

"Oh, I thought we'd go on Tuesday, then Chase can come" She explained hesitantly, not wanting to disappoint despite having already made the decision without him. "We have yoga in the morning anyway" She added.

"Tuesday night then, it's a date" He concluded, trying to be grateful for their children even when they made intimacy seem impossible without some sort of schedule.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm just tired and–"

"Don't apologise" He ordered. "Have I told you how beautiful you are today? Right now?" He questioned, resting a hand on her thigh before leaning in to kiss her cheek sweetly.

"Thank you" She mumbled uncertainly, feeling his eyes on her she chose to concentrate on the baby, stroking Ember's fair eyebrows and patting her back soothingly.

"I love watching you feed her, it's almost like watching her grow" He mused softly, resting his head on his wife's shoulder before placing his hand over hers to help support the increasingly heavy baby. He wasn't sure what normal was when it came to babies, Shay had been premature, tiny and delicate, Ember seemed huge in comparison, better described as solid. They were both undoubtedly beautiful, they both resembled their mother to a degree.

"Mmm" Erin hummed in response, seeing the admiration in his eyes when she reached around and let her fingers slide through his hair.

"Are you happy?" Kelly questioned, taking his wife by surprise. With Ember drifting to sleep they'd both fallen quiet.

"Of course" She answered immediately, brow crinkling as she tried to understand where the question had come from.

"Really?"

"Yeah" She insisted, almost offended by the suggestion that she was anything but. "I'm happy. I have you home. I have my girls…" She listed, shaking her head at the compulsion to think of other things, that was more than enough.

"What is happiness to you?" He enquired, with a deep in thought expression that would be better suited to a professor of some variety.

"Kelly, it's almost eleven, we are not doing this" She informed seriously, patting his cheek firmly while giving him an unamused look. Despite the verbal dismissal she couldn't stop herself thinking on the query. "Happy is this, now, here, us!" She answered emphatically. "It's like the whole how much love do you have thing, its perspective, relative, a choice..."

"I know it's late, you're too tired for sex I'm not talking philosophy" He almost snorted, she had definitely misunderstood the scope of his question. "We're going to the zoo because it'll make Shay happy, I was wondering what I could do to make you happy?" He rephrased simply, patting her thigh in a silent show of appreciation for her approach.

"Just having you here makes me happy" She informed, letting him turn her head for a kiss because they definitely hadn't been doing enough of that. Part of her missed the way they had been before the accident, the sense of complacency that had crept in over time, the other part of her rationalised that they would get back there soon enough. There was only so much security in a job like his, the risks and endless danger meant that his presence was enough to make her happy. Kelly seemed satisfied enough with that answer, if only for a moment.

"So you're not worried about Chase because him going back to work made you think about me going back?" He put forward knowingly.

"You don't need to ask me that, you've clearly figured it out" She scoffed, scowling at him only because he'd been able to make sense of her feelings before she had.

"You know I have to go back" He reasoned gently, nuzzling against her neck. He needed her to know that he'd do anything else for her, even if that wasn't strictly true, he would quit his job if it was really what she wanted. It wasn't though and they both knew it.

"So do I" She agreed softly, biting her bottom lip when she met his eye. He'd recoiled as if the words were electrically charged.

"Woah, where'd that come from?" He asked urgently.

"She's growing. I always said I was going back when she's six months old" She justified, shrugging and looking at the baby because she couldn't look at him. Not when he'd be able to read the weakness in her watery eyes.

"Are you sure? That's pretty soon…" He replied, she had said it plenty but he hadn't thought about it ever actually happening. He thought she was happy at home.

"I'm sure" She declared confidently, swallowing any uncertainty for the time being at least. "We can talk about it properly some other time, I'm tired" She reminded, she wasn't the only one, Ember's lips finally still, eyes closed tightly. "You want to put her down?"

"Is that a trick question?" Kelly asked with a quiet chuckle, reaching for the sleeping baby. That he was willing to get up was testament to him finally being on the mend.

"Goodnight beautiful girl" Erin whispered, kissing her daughter's forehead and cheeks before surrendering the infant to her father.

"Night-night bubba" He whispered himself as he lay Ember down in her crib, pulling the soft cotton blanket up over her but leaving it untucked since her disproportionately large head fit perfectly into the curve of her new pillow. He watched her for a moment, rubbing her round belly lovingly before a yawn escaped to remind him he could do with some sleep as well. Crawling into bed behind his wife he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "Now you're not going to go sneaking out on me tonight are you?"

"Nah, there's nothing worth watching on" She teased sleepily, tipping her head back to rest in under his chin. She wasn't yet familiar enough with the late night television schedule to know what was on, but it sounded better than telling him that for once she wasn't craving peanut butter or that she had her fingers crossed Ember would sleep through.

"Priorities" He acknowledged, working a hand in under her shirt to rest just below her navel. A part of her body she had a love-hate relationship with, proof her body had been home to their babies but also a reminder of how much there was to be done before she could return to work.

"Sleep is my priority right now" She told herself as much as her husband, snuggling back against him.

"Goodnight babe" He breathed, kissing the back of her head.

"Night" She murmured back, closing her eyes and focusing on her breathing to relax herself.

**I struggled with Erin and Kelly in this one but I thought some pillow talk was necessary to debrief, hope they weren't too out of character. I'm disappointed not to have been able to update on the 11****th**** which was the one year anniversary of this fic, but I'll get over it. It's been a wonderful year, thank you all for reading. **

**Zoo and 200 look awfully similar in my handwriting ;) **


	200. Chapter 200

**At long last, I present to you… *drum roll*…Chapter 200! Please enjoy: **

"Shay, don't go too far" Kelly warned for the fourth time, they were still in the car park but the toddler refused to hold his hand or listen it seemed, merging into the steady flow of pedestrians making their way to the zoo entrance.

"It's not as if we're going to be able to lose her in that" Erin reminded, referring to the brightly coloured outfit the toddler wore. Kelly had managed to pull off the ultimate loving gesture while they had been at yoga, buying matching outfits for the girls that had appeased all three females in his life. He'd offered to dress the girls that morning and surprised his wife with the end result. Shay had barely been able to contain her excitement at her bright new playsuit, Ember enjoyed the freedom of movement the romper gave her and Erin couldn't help but love it all; her husband's thoughtfulness and the perfect fabric choice. Wavy stripes of orange, green and purple along with black, white and the occasional band of polka dots. The colours alone were enough to make one smile, but handmade into beautiful and practical outfits worn by their adorable daughters had Erin grinning unstoppably.

There had been a moment in the car on the way to the zoo, letting her husband drive because he feared he was getting out of practice, when she'd looked back in the rear view mirror and felt so extraordinarily happy that a grin wasn't enough. Maybe she just had happiness confused with gratitude or maybe it would be the moment she remembered the next time her husband asked her to define the concept. If the day continued as it had begun it could easily become one big happy memory.

"I still don't want her wandering off" Kelly explained, giving Erin a look she was used to giving but not receiving. He likely just wanted a good day as well. "Shay" He called, losing sight of the toddler for a moment. After giving his wife an 'I told you so' look he darted forward and caught the toddler around the middle.

"Daddy!" Shay complained, immediately trying on her pout. It was the most rebellious she had dared to be since their morning at the botanic gardens.

"We all want to see the animals so we all have to stay together" He justified, returning to his wife's side.

"Amnimals!" Shay repeated, wriggling with excitement she quickly realised that being held meant she could see further, twisting her head to try to look in every direction. "Da!" She shrieked a moment later, pointing to a WWF Panda shaped coin collection statue.

"What is it?" Erin quizzed, nodding to agree with her husband's request to deviate from the path. She'd gotten a glimpse through the gates and the line to the admissions desk well exceeded Shay's patience, seeing one 'animal' before going in might help keep her calm.

"Amnimal!" Shay stated, just about rolling her eyes at her mother's foolishness.

"What type of animal? It's one from your cards" She hinted. They had spent hours the previous day going through alphabet flashcards with different animals for each letter, Shay loving every minute of the one-on-one attention. Erin had bought the flashcards almost a year ago when she decided to stay home with Shay, thinking that with a little effort she would have a child genius on her hands. It took more than effort though, the toddler developing an interest and a greater attention span were definite prerequisites. "Pp-Pp?"

"–Andy, Pandy Bear!" Shay exclaimed triumphantly, rewarded by being set down she rushed to the statue, throwing her arms around it for a hug.

"Yeah, a Panda Bear" Erin nodded when the toddler looked to her, eyes full of alarm.

"But Mama!" Shay squeaked, patting the statue's arm to show her mother that it was solid, it also wasn't furry like she'd expected.

"Aw, it's not a real Panda bub" Kelly explained, trying not to laugh at the priceless reaction.

"Why?!" Shay demanded, stomping a short distance away and crossing her arms. "We see weal amnimals at da zoo" She reminded, imitating his voice poorly but getting the words mostly right.

"The real ones are inside" He informed gently, still managing to contain his amusement.

"Why dat?" Shay demanded, jabbing her finger at the statue while frowning severely.

"That one is a pretend Panda to get people to donate money to look after the real Pandas in the wild, and other animals" Erin explained, hoping she had correctly translated and interpreted the toddler's enquiry.

"How?" Shay asked, confused by the totally foreign notion.

"You can put money in here" Kelly answered, closest to the statue he tapped the coin slot on the top of the Panda's head. The toddler gave her mother a disgruntled look before marching back over to the statue to see what he was talking about. Standing on one of the Panda's legs to be tall enough Shay poked her fingers into the slot before pulling herself up to look into it.

"I can?" Shay pondered, a mischievous smile forming on her face.

"Uh sure, here you go" Kelly provided, digging some spare change out of his pocket and tipping it into the toddler's cupped palms.

"Monies. For. Da. Pandas" Shay said, pausing to drop a coin at the end of each word.

"What do you think they'll spend it on?" Kelly questioned, lifting the toddler to his hip before she could lose interest and run off.

"Icy cream" Shay giggled, evidencing that she knew it wasn't a sensible answer.

"Do you remember what Panda's eat?" Erin challenged, she had tried to add extra information about each animal just in case it helped prompt Shay's memory.

"Umm…yes" Shay answered cheekily, covering her mouth to stop the giggles escaping before she answered. "Bam-POO!"

"Well I asked for that one didn't I?" Erin shook her head, raised her eyebrows and tried not to smile, looking to her husband as he snorted out a laugh. "Bamboo Shay, Bam-Boo, boo like when we play peek-a-boo" She corrected, though the toddler was too busy mashing her hands against her father's cheeks. Neither of them gave her response any attention so she continued to lead the way towards the slow moving queue. "Guess we should join" She mumbled, placing her hand on her husband's upper arm to steer him in the right direction since one of his eyes was covered by the laughing toddler's hand.

"What's wrong with that one? It's shorter" Kelly questioned, pushing Shay's hand aside before pointing to the second admissions desk with only three families in the queue. It didn't make any sense to him that there was one massive line and another with barely anyone. It also didn't make much sense that the zoo was so popular all of a sudden.

"That's for pre-purchased entry, online" Erin shared, pointing to the sign he hadn't seen above the desk.

"Oh…" He acknowledged, looking to the vast crush of people with pure dread. At the rate it was moving they'd be stuck for at least an hour, an hour entertaining two small children in very limited space. He was already beginning to say goodbye to the fun day he'd envisaged.

"Yeah, but we have all day so it won't hurt to wait" She shrugged calmly, eager to hold on the optimism she'd felt in the car. "We can play peek-a-boo" She added, bending her knees slightly to bounce the slowly waking baby on her chest. Ember was still at an age where a ride in the car was a guaranteed way to get her to sleep.

"Or I could use my phone to buy tickets and we could spend our time actually looking at the animals" Kelly proposed, the thought striking him when he hadn't even been actively trying to problem solve.

"Amnimals!" Shay issued like a battle cry, eager to see the real ones.

"Would that really be faster?" Erin asked seriously.

"Yeah, I configured it all yesterday…" He informed proudly, how else did she think he had been able to try out online shopping for the first time. Buying the girls outfits from the comfort of their bed and trying not to think of the cost of same day delivery postage as real money. It made her online shopping sprees seem almost sensible, what with everything being cheaper than he'd ever seen it in a store.

"Well okay then Mr Tech-Wiz" She agreed. "We'd better get out of the way" She encouraged, deciding to trust him completely, watching the shrinking online ticket queue instead of the growing general admissions line.

"Daddy, amnimals!" Shay reminded, confused as to what they were doing, especially since he had pulled out his phone even when it wasn't ringing.

"I'm buying us tickets princess" He explained, fumbling with the phone before putting her down. "Can you stand there for me?" He asked, giving her a look such that she would treat it as a serious request.

"Course" The toddler answered confidently, nodding while giving him her serious look, a frown. He nodded and thanked her with a smile before turning his attention back to his phone. Shay kept her feet planted exactly where he had placed her but soon began to fiddle and play with the diaper bag hanging at her father's side. Despite Erin's protests he had insisted on carrying it since she had their heavy baby strapped to her chest, he was sure the bag was lighter than usual anyway. "Mama?" Shay began quietly, dragging the zipper back and forth just a little.

"What's up Shay?" Erin asked, lifting her lips from where they had been resting atop Ember's head to look at the suddenly subdued toddler.

"I'm sorry" Shay confessed, forcing the words out after a short struggle, eyes indicating her inner turmoil.

"What for?" She questioned calmly, focusing on the toddler's peculiar body language.

"I…naughty" Shay stated, too conflicted to hold eye contact she looked back to the diaper bag.

"How are you naughty?" Erin prompted, confusion overtaking pride at the toddler's openness.

"I… I tooked all you stuffs out of da diapy bag… so Roary and Bear fitted" Shay explained evenly, pulling the zip enough that the stuffed toys came into view.

"Oh?" Erin allowed, unsure how best to react.

"It was Roary though, him maked me do it" Shay attempted to convince, pulling a face at the innocent stuffed lion.

"Why?" She posed, curious about the extent of the toddler's reasoning.

"'Cause him want ta meet real lions. Biggly real ones" Shay shared sadly, making sure to give Roary a disapproving shake of the head before directing an apologetic pout at her mother.

"Okay, and Emmy's bear too?" She questioned, trying to assess how much of the diaper bag's contents had been left behind. She couldn't be mad when the toddler had prefaced her confession with an apology, an admission of wrongdoing, and when she was in part responsible for failing to supervise sufficiently.

"Yeah, him too" Shay nodded, sighing exasperatedly at just how naughty the toys had been.

"Well thank you for telling me" Erin concluded after taking a moment to think about it. She brushed past the toddler as she tugged the bag around and opened it fully. Only the very top layer had been removed to accommodate the toys, wipes and the bigger size of diapers that Ember now needed along with a spare outfit and a bag of the bread teething sticks she thought the four and a half month old might be ready for.

"Babe" Kelly complained, his rapid typing and scrolling interrupted by her rifling through the bag he wore.

"Sorry" She extended emptily as she zipped the bag closed again.

"They have a deal on at the moment, a double family pass for the zoo and aquarium, pretty cool huh?" Kelly told her keenly, too lost in the device to have any idea what was going on.

"Yeah. I'm just going to head back to the car for some diapers" She explained, knowing she'd already changed out the emergency diapers in the car for bigger ones. "Shay you want to come with me?"

"No… I am sorry but" The toddler informed sincerely, clinging to her father's leg just in case it was a ploy to get her away from the crowd so she could be punished properly.

"That's okay" She comforted, the toddler's regret sufficient punishment in her opinion. "I'll be back in a minute. Wait here" She instructed, waiting until her husband looked up and acknowledged her request. Glad she too had thought of a way to get around a problem so that their family fun day could get back on track. If buying tickets online and retrieving diapers from the car were the only obstacles they faced it would be a good day.

"We can do that" Kelly confirmed, hitting the 'Add to Cart' button on the screen. With his credit card details prefilled it was simply a matter of hitting the confirm button and waiting for the confirmation email. By the time he had the receipt downloaded and open his wife had returned, stuffing the diapers into the bag before following him straight to the online ticket desk. The woman printed out their tickets without delay, tearing off the end of the animal print ones and stamping the backs of their hands.

"Sorry what was the date on those?" Erin questioned politely as Kelly shoved their zoo tickets into his pocket and the woman slid the metallic blue aquarium tickets across the desk.

"The tickets have to be used on consecutive days, it's in the terms and conditions" The woman informed sharply, it was clearly something she'd dealt with before.

"Oh?" Erin questioned looking to her husband to see if he had known such a condition applied.

"You would have had to tick a box saying you read them and before you ask there's no refund" She added with a cruel smile. Regardless of her manner they thanked her and continued into the zoo, making way for the family that had lined up behind them.

"I guess we're going to the aquarium tomorrow" Erin concluded, dismissing her husband's clueless look with an unimpressed one of her own.

"'Quariuuum!" Shay cheered, clapping as she skipped along.

"Sorry babe" Kelly apologised, knowing she had wanted to go on Thursday so that once again Chase could attend. They had delayed their day at the zoo to accommodate his availability but since he'd actively sought to get out of it Kelly thought it was only fair that he miss out on the aquarium as well. He felt the young man was being more than a little ungrateful by denying his mother and little sister the family day out they had wanted. All because he was sulking since Squad Three hadn't received a single call on his first shift back. Chase thought he was cursed while the rest of the men thought he was some sort of lucky charm. He hadn't even put any effort into his excuse, supposedly too tired when he hadn't done anything at work.

"It'll be fun" Erin assured taking his hand so they could walk together, remembering to relax and enjoy the day. They both smiled when Shay stopped dead in her tracks in front of them, staring at the person dressed as a lion handing out maps, not quite sure it was real. She'd seen mascots for various sporting teams on television but she hadn't considered whether they were human or animal. "What is that Shay?"

"Lion?" The toddler replied uncertainly, it certainly didn't look like the picture of the lion on her flashcard, or the lions she had seen in documentaries. Of all things it most closely resembled Roary.

"Mhmm, a person dressed as a lion" She elaborated, watching as Shay tipped her head to better analyse the strange creature.

"Ooh! I lion" Shay declared an instant later, moving one step closer to the person before rushing back to her father's side.

"Roary?" Kelly questioned, hoping the stuffed animal would make the toddler more confident in the foreign environment.

"Yes Daddy. Roary will like dis" The toddler explained as she raised her hands, opening and closing them expectantly as she awaited the retrieval of her friend. As soon as she had her tattered lion clutched to her chest with one arm Kelly took her little hand in his, there would be no reason for her to be afraid if they were together.

"Okay, let's go get a map" He said encouragingly as he led her towards the person.

"Mama!" Shay called over her shoulder, thinking it safest that they stayed together.

"I'm coming" Erin confirmed, stopping swaying for Ember and instead exaggerating the bounce in her step. The baby wasn't upset, just not yet her usual smiley self, understandable when she'd woken up in a loud and crowded place.

"Would you like a map sweetie?" The person disguised by synthetic fur asked when he spotted the little girl approaching. Kelly could tell from his voice that the person inside the costume wasn't very old, perhaps a teenager working his first summer job.

"Please" Shay provided politely after looking to her father.

"And you sir?" The teen asked, taking Roary's paw between two gloved fingers.

"Rraaawr!" Shay provided, the most reasonable response from a lion of course.

"Oh, another lion! Hello friend" The teen greeted cheerfully, handing a map to a middle aged woman while keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the little lion enthusiast before him.

"Roary" Shay insisted.

"Roary? Now that's a good name for a lion" He exclaimed, clearly loving the part of his job where he got to interact with excited children.

"What you name lion?" Shay questioned, still a little unsure how to address the costumed person.

"My name is Leo" He answered clearly, she seemed a little smaller than his usual fans but was perfectly articulate.

"Leo da Lion. Ll-Ll-Ll" Shay repeated, nodding as she made each letter sound.

"Yeah, good job Shay" Kelly praised, placing a hand on the toddler's head to steer her aside as a man pushed past and snatched a map from the friendly lion. Kelly thought it was quite rude, especially since there was a stand with maps for those who weren't interested in the lion. The kid in the costume tried to turn back to continue his conversation Shay but another family speaking rapidly in another language stole his focus. The toddler was flapping the folded map and swinging her toy by his furry arm, happy to return to her mother, just a few steps away.

"Ah Sir?" The young man asked from within the lion suit, tapping Kelly on the shoulder when he sent the foreign family on their way, spun around and noticed their retreat. "The lions are fed at two-thirty, they sleep most of the day and she'll probably want to see them awake."

"Thank you" Kelly replied, appreciating the thoughtfulness.

"What have you got there?" Erin questioned when her daughter toddled over to her.

"Map" Shay informed, holding it up to her mother, failing to understand the significance of the colourful piece of paper.

"Let's have a look" Erin suggested, unfolding the map before crouching to hold it at the toddler's level. "Where do you want to start?" She enquired, looking at the map wondrously to motivate the little girl.

"Aa, Aa, Aggilator" Shay suggested logically.

"Alligator" Erin repeated as she scanned the map.

"Aa! Dat one?" Shay informed, jabbing her finger at the letter she recognised.

"Yes! Good girl" Erin commended. "That's African Animals" She read, running her finger along beneath the words as she said them. Shay not only learned quickly but also had an incredible memory, even if she couldn't always pronounce the words correctly.

"Aa, Aa amnimals" Shay said to nobody in particular.

"Yep, and that's where the lions are" Erin explained, pointing to the little lion illustration in the irregular orange box she assumed represented the animal's enclosure.

"Yes!" Shay shouted, replacing her mother's fingertip with her own before pulling the map away to show to her father. "We gotta see da lions Daddy!"

"Awesome, lead the way kiddo" Kelly suggested, knowing it wasn't really something the toddler was capable of.

"Where?" Shay asked, thinking it rather unfair to expect her to know.

"Have a look at the map" He instructed.

"Dad-dy" Shay complained, treating it as a completely unreasonable and frankly ridiculous request.

"Oh okay" He grumbled, obviously exaggerating to make it seem a chore. "Hand it here then" He required. Taking a quick glance at the map before declaring, "it's that way." The toddler's expression suggested she didn't really trust that he knew what he was doing but after a moment she turned in the direction he had indicated. Kelly took her hand then reached around until he found his wife's, keeping their hands linked together as they started to walk.

"Hey Shay, what's that?" Erin asked, her eyes had been drawn to the movement and she had quickly identified the animals high in the tree in the enclosure they were passing.

"Aaah!" Shay shrieked, looking in the direction her mother was. "Monkey Mama it Mmm-monkeys!" The toddler informed as she galloped towards the high Perspex fencing.

"Monkeys? Let's go have a look" Erin replied enthusiastically, speaking too late for the toddler to hear her she shifted her gaze to her husband instead.

"They were he favourite last time" Kelly recalled, more than ready for a day of rushing from one enclosure to the next, spotting animals and watching wonder in their daughter's eyes. When they finally convinced Shay there was more to see, and that they could come back to the monkeys later, they moved on to meerkats, hyena, water buffalo and warthogs.

As they wandered between exhibits, led by Shay, Kelly had the chance to tell his wife about the lion show and accompanying feeding. It was a little later in the day than they had planned on staying but when they considered it they could only see the positives. "Shay will love it and if she doesn't nap…" He didn't even need to finish his sentence before she smiled and nodded, leaning in against him as they walked.

Shay had discovered the baboon enclosure, standing right near the fence she told her parents that they were 'different monkeys' and proceeded to narrate what they were doing. Whilst they were peacefully grooming each other it was fine but when the dominant male was interrupted he barred his teeth then chased and began to bite at the smaller baboon. The animal's shrieks of apparent pain concerned Shay and even after the disciplinary attack had ended she continued to cry. Scooped up by her father and comforted by both parents and Roary they were soon moving on to the next animals, hippopotami. She didn't like their scarred skin or the look of their massive teeth when they yawned so they didn't stay very long, moving instead to the enclosure of the most anticipated animal.

"Princess, what can you see in there?" Kelly challenged, watching as his brightly dressed little girl skipped up to the fence, pigtails bouncing. Just as the man in the lion costume had suggested the pride of lions were sprawled out and sleeping under a tree, hard to see when their fur almost matched the dry grass.

"Up!" Shay requested, raising her arms, with a little extra height she was sure she would be able to spot the animals.

"Oh she wants to go up" He fussed teasingly, moments ago having joked to his wife that he was getting in a good work out. Only really saying it because his arm muscles were starting to hurt, he wasn't going to let that stop him though, lifting the toddler all the way up to sit on his shoulders.

"DADDY!" Shay squealed the moment she spotted the sleeping lions.

"What are they?" Erin asked, reaching up to hold the toddler's leg as her husband reached higher still to stop the toddler holding his ears like handles. She knew and could see the sleeping pride from where she stood but loved the excitement in Shay's voice.

"Lions! Mama they lions" Shay exclaimed with a shriek of joy.

"Lions? Wow, they are too. What are they doing?" Erin continued, watching her daughter she didn't even bother to look at the animals, these were the moments she wanted to remember forever.

"Um…" Shay began, excitement dissipating slightly to see that the animals were completely unmoving. "Sleepin', they sleepin' Mama" She informed, closing her eyes and tipping her head a little to demonstrate. "It not naptime!"

"It's not your naptime but it might be lion naptime" Kelly reasoned, the toddler jostled slightly by his shrug.

"Roarrr!" Shay called in a mild attempt to wake the lions, her father didn't realise what she was doing and passed up Roary, thinking she was asking for him. Shay sat the toy on her father's head and settled to watch the animals, her patience rewarded when moments later one of the lionesses stirred. Lifting her head she looked right at Shay before stretching and going back to sleep. It wasn't unexpected that that frustrated the toddler but when roaring and yelling 'wakey' repeatedly didn't work she decided to try something else.

"Kel!" Erin managed, looking across just as the toddler dangled Roary over her shoulder by the tail in preparation for an overarm throw.

"Uh" He reacted, blocking the throw at the last second then taking the toy lion and handing it to his wife while he lifted the toddler down to his hip. "Shay you can't throw Roary in there. I know you want the lions to wake up so that they can meet him but if you throw him over the fence we won't be able to get him back. Then he wouldn't be able to come home with us and play with you" Kelly explained seriously. Erin watched, bracing herself for the impending tears and tantrum.

"Sorry Daddy" Shay replied with great maturity, stunning her mother slightly, enough that she would have missed what the toddler said next if she hadn't addressed her directly. "Mama I has Roary peease. I promise I no frow him" The toddler vowed sincerely.

"Okay, thank you Shay" Erin accepted, handing over the stuffed toy. Though he didn't doubt the toddler Kelly set her down as an extra precaution, or that was what he told himself. Shay took Roary and pressed his face to the fence instead, mumbling to him about the lions and leaving her parents to talk. "Did you expect that?"

"What? Her throwing Roary? No" Kelly answered, though he thought his reaction had made it very clear, if he had anticipated it he certainly wouldn't have risked giving her the toy. He'd do anything for her, but retrieving a stuffed lion from an enclosure with five fully grown and very real lions was better to be avoided.

"No, apologising. I really expected her to snap" Erin explained, wondering if giving their daughter the day she wanted really was the cure to tantrums.

"She's growing up, she doesn't want to ruin this" He put forward as the most likely explanations for Shay's good behaviour. His wife gave him a look, telling him that she thought he was just being modest because his intervention had surely been the turning point.

"I am having fun" Erin felt the need to add in the seconds after her less than kind nonverbal message, reminding herself that it didn't matter.

"Me too" He agreed, hoping that they'd get to the point where the stopped thinking about and making an effort to have fun. Life seemed so much simpler when he looked back on it, but it wasn't, they'd reconciled in that very spot after a fight when Shay had been four months old.

"That's the important thing" She confirmed.

"Mama!" Shay called as she bounded back to her parents.

"Shay?" Erin asked in response, wondering what the toddler was after, apparently unpredictable it could be anything.

"Emmy can't see da lions!" The toddler informed, clearly thinking it was a great catastrophe.

"Oh no" She played along.

"She gotta see da lions!" Shay informed, looking to her mother pleadingly.

"Okay, how 'bout I get her out?"

"Yes" Shay answered instantly, nodding and grinning. Erin took the baby out of the carrier and turned her around, following Shay to the fence before crouching down. Sitting Ember on her knee the girls were about the same height. "Em, look at dat!" Shay began, pressing her finger to the glass to point for the baby who had turned to watch as she spoke. Shay waited patiently for her little sister, continuing only when the baby was looking vaguely in the right direction. "Them lions. Them sleepin' but. That's okay. You still looks them. See" Shay jabbed the glass again even though Ember's eyes had locked on something in that direction.

"I think she can see them" Erin contributed, though she had no idea what the baby was really looking at.

"She see. She see lions. The biggest one, hims names Leo you know" Shay informed.

"Is it?" She enquired, maintaining a level of eye contact that let the toddler know she was interested. She suspected that the toddler was actually correct, the wording on the back of the map suggested Leo was the star of the lion show.

"Yeah. And that one is Simbaa, you 'memba Simba mummy?"

"I do" Erin confirmed, knowing the toddler drew inspiration from the book her father had read her the night before.

"Emmy says them one called 'Nana!" Shay giggled, when her little sister slapped at the glass.

"Does she? That's silly" She chuckled, looking around to see if her husband had heard, he hadn't, too busy reading the sign.

"No, it is. It is name Banana!" Shay insisted.

"Okay, what about the one near the tree?"

"Goldie. That Goldie and dem isssss Fluff!" Shay declared, pointing at each of the lionesses in turn.

"Fluff?" Erin challenged, knowing the toddler had made the name up on the spot.

"'Cause him so fluffy" Shay justified, though the animal had no more fur that any of the others it was slightly ruffled.

"Of course" She accepted, patting Shay's back before returning her hands to Ember's sides. The baby had lost interest in her own reflection, likely never having noticed the lions through the glass, and was squirming to turn around. Shay turned to her little sister, giving a look that clearly indicated the infant was disturbing her lion viewing. "Do you think Emmy's finished looking at them now?" Erin posed, when the toddler looked to her.

"Yeah, Em want boob" Shay stated matter-of-factly.

"I think so" She murmured as she stood, adjusting her hold of the baby. Shay seemed to forget about the lions, trailing her mother for a moment then taking her hand and leading her to the nearest unoccupied bench seat.

"You sit Mama, feed Emmy-bear" Shay instructed kindly, patting the seat then reaching up and making a grasping motion that Erin could only hope was an attempt to imitate Ember's kneading.

"Alright, if you're happy looking at the lions" She reasoned as she sat down, it was probably a good idea to feed the baby before she got any hungrier.

"I so happy" Shay assured, breaking out in a grin and doing a little wiggle of excitement like a puppy.

"Good" Erin said with a proud smile. "Why don't you tell Daddy their names?"

"Yeah" Shay agreed instantly, nodding her head before standing on her tiptoes and leaning forward to check that her little sister was going to be fed. Erin used her free hand to grip the toddler's shoulder, making eye contact to communicate to Shay that she had the baby under control. "Daddy!" The toddler called as she spun around, satisfied with her mother's response she raced off to join him. Erin watched as her husband lifted their daughter to his hip, perching her there while he showed her the sign. A school group moved through but when they had gone Erin was able to hear Kelly and Shay reading together. It turned out that the lion was called Leo, joined in the enclosure by lionesses Kiya, Binalu, Kema and Ellen.

"Shay, would you like to go see other animals now?" Kelly asked when they'd read through the sign twice, translated it into language Shay would understand and applied the information in various scenarios. He'd already made sure his wife was ready to move on, tucking Ember back into the baby carrier since she'd fallen asleep.

"Umm… yeah… but" The toddler struggled to answer, clearly torn between seeing new exciting animals and wanting to stay with the ones she loved most of all.

"We're going to come back later to watch the lions have their lunch, after we've had our lunch" Kelly explained, watching the toddler's mouth drop open in astonishment.

"Really?!" Shay squeaked rapidly, surely the lions wouldn't sleep through their lunch, she would get to see them awake and moving around.

"Yeah" He confirmed, enjoying everything about her reaction.

"Oh! Yes please Daddy" Shay agreed, thrilled by the idea she clapped and hugged his leg, squeezing extra tight before running off to tell her mother. "Mama we gonna see da lions later, eatin' them lunches!" Shay informed animatedly. "Them gonna eats meats Mama 'cause dem uh… carnivores!"

"Wow that's a big word" Erin replied, surprised the toddler had managed to pronounce a sizeable word she had just learned correctly.

"Mhm, Daddy teached me it. It means they only eats meats, we not…" Shay hesitated, readying herself to repeat the complicated word. "Carnivores… 'cause you makes us eat salad" She finished with a giggle.

"Oh" Erin nodded, looking to her husband with laughter in her eyes.

"But that's okay, I likes salads" Shay assured, patting her mother's knee comfortingly.

"Well salad is good for little girls and meat is good for lions" Erin established, flattening the collar of Shay's playsuit.

"When is lunch?" The toddler questioned keenly.

"Not for a little while, why? Are you hungry?" Erin asked in return, supposing that even after a big breakfast the toddler might want a snack.

"Nope, but da lions have their lunch after ours, hey Daddy?" Shay checked, grabbing her father's hand and swinging on it. 

"Yeah, time to go?" Kelly enquired, he liked the zoo because he got to see lots of different animals, not particularly interested in any one in particular.

"I'm ready" Erin agreed as she stood, straightening her shirt beneath the baby carrier as best she could.

"One more looks?!" Shay requested with her biggest puppy-dog eyed look.

"One more" Both parents answered in unison with a matching level of enthusiasm. They had one last look at the lions then continued on, seeing animals of every shape, size and variety as they wandered aimlessly. Eventually, when the time on the clock finally aligned with their hunger they headed for the busy food court, stopping on the way to pet a Koala and take a photo alongside it.

Lunch comprised several elements: For Shay there were chicken nuggets, loosely shaped like animals and drowned in sweet and sour sauce, chips and an apple flavoured drink Erin suspected was at least half sugar the toddler only insisted upon because of its lion themed packaging. Kelly very sensibly chose a ham, cheese and tomato sandwich and Erin only wanted a small serve of fruit salad, justifying to her husband that she would end up eating most of Shay's nuggets and chips anyway. While he wasn't happy about it he didn't want to upset their day over it, keeping his cool even when she only picked at the fruit, leaving all the banana pieces to be mashed for Ember. The growing baby was once again awake and hungry.

Their pleasant, but entirely unspectacular, meal was followed by time spent relaxing amongst picnicking families on the grass. Erin hoping it would take the place of a nap though both girls had other ideas, playing loudly and energetically with Roary and Bear. It hadn't been the plan but Erin didn't mind sitting back watching the girls play, talking intermittently with her husband who seemed intent on making her blush with his bold flirting. It didn't take them long to discover there was more to talk about than work and their children.

**It was getting quite long so I decided this was a good place to cut it. Still no internet but I'm trying to see the positives (no procrastinating) and even though it took an hour I was able to upload this for you :D Hope you liked it! **


	201. Chapter 201

**I won't lie, I was disappointed by the reaction to the last chapter (or lack thereof)... Thank you very much to **sandygirl** and ** .54** for your reviews, I very much appreciate them. Hopefully you'll all enjoy this chapter. **

"Look" Erin instructed softly, tipping her head so that her husband's lips left the skin of her neck. He leaned after her, pressing a trail of kisses along the ridge of her neck muscles to the hinge of her jaw, and tightened his hold around her waist before straightening enough to look around. His eyes immediately identified what it was she wanted him to see, their two little girls playing happily on the blanket just a short distance away.

"Emmy-BEAR!" Shay screeched as she thrust the stuffed toy at her little sister, there was a moment of silence between the two before the baby reacted, emitting a joyous belly laugh as she wriggled and reached. Kelly and Erin both thought that when Shay joined in, giggling along with her sister, they were hearing the most precious sound in the universe. Shay was sure to keep the bear just out of Ember's reach, jiggling it around until the baby pressed her feet down against the blanket, then it was quickly withdrawn before she lurched forward.

"Aaah!" Ember squealed when her hand closed on thin air, the toy she desired evading capture once more.

"Emmy… you want you bear?" Shay teased, dangling the bear closer then brushing its furry leg against the outside of Ember's arm. The uncoordinated baby took too long to respond, the bear well out of reach by the time she had shifted her weight and managed to manoeuvre her arm around. "Come geddit!" The toddler encouraged, sensing her sister was becoming frustrated she resolved to leave the bear in place, Ember easily capturing it with her next lurching army-crawl.

"You getted it! Good girl Emmy" Shay celebrated in a way only a big sister could, pushing the infant almost roughly over onto her back so she could tickle her belly. Ember was delighted by the attention, almost instantly she began to laugh loudly, shrieking and kicking her legs as she clung to the bear. Shay too began to shriek blissfully, fully committed to drawing the maximum response from her baby sister. Without conscious input Erin found soft laughter bubbling forth as she watched on, the kind that sang right from her overflowing heart. Kelly allowed a brief chuckle before manipulating his wife's body in his arms to cover her mouth with his.

"Jealous?" Erin murmured playfully after smiling into the loving kiss.

"I could never be jealous of your love for them" He informed softly, stroking a few fingertips up her arm before dipping his head for another kiss. They might have been surrounded by other families but in those moments they may as well have been in their own little bubble, impenetrable to all things that could diminish their happiness.

A tug of war soon broke out over the bear, both girls determined to possess it shrieks of laughter soon became determined grunts. Shay could easily overpower her little sister but was doing her best to maintain the playful mood, only wanting the bear so they could continue their game. Kelly felt his wife stiffen slightly against him, like a cat readying itself to pounce he could tell she wanted to intervene. He was confident in Shay's ability to handle the situation and so sought to distract his wife, taking her hand in his.

"I love this" He informed when her eyes met his briefly, he went on to look down at their joined hands, the ring on her finger, and then risked a quick glance across to the girls. He needed her to know that it was the little things, not even looking at the animals, just spending time together that he enjoyed most. In the last few years his life had changed so dramatically but he couldn't help but think this was what he had been meant to do all along.

"Mm" Erin agreed, searching his face until his gaze returned to her. His eyes twinkled as he smiled, the corners of his mouth twitching upward, he looked so completely carefree. The next thing he knew their mouths were connected, his wife initiating a fiery kiss, cupping his cheek in her hand as she leaned back heavily against him. "I love this" She breathed against his lips, eyes opening though they were too close together to focus.

"Mm" He hummed before kissing her hungrily in reply, his thumb grazing her side where her shirt had ridden up slightly from sitting on the ground.

"Tonight" She sighed with a twinkle in her eyes that made his heart race. They gazed into each other's eyes for a long moment, Kelly, perhaps more lost in the depths of her soul, didn't realise what she was doing until she sat forward. That time he didn't move to stop her, limbs heavy with the weight of mild disappointment. "Tonight" She repeated a little louder, his expression suddenly eager she turned away, smiling broadly as she walked to the edge of the blanket.

"Mama!" Shay called when she noticed the movement, distracted sufficiently that the baby finally won the battle, Ember holding the bear to her chest.

"Shay, Ember" She addressed warmly, flipping back the corner of the blanket before bending to scoop up the baby. "Have you been having fun?" She asked them both, Ember squealing as she was lifted up to her mother's chest constituted a response.

"Yesss!" Shay answered gleefully, scrabbling to her feet before taking a few unsteady steps onto the blanket, grass flattening out beneath her feet. She opened her arms wide then reached them around her mother's legs in a hug, chin resting just above her knees as she looked up and smiled. "Fank 'ou Mama."

"I love you Shay" Was the best response she could think of. Taking a moment to make sure she held Ember and her bear securely before she had a free hand to caress her daughter's cheek. The toddler scrunched up her face, letting out a laugh as she stepped back out of the hug. "Cheeky monkey" Erin chided playfully, exaggeratedly scrunching her face in return.

"Oh Mama" Shay said as if her mum had told a lame joke that wasn't supposed to be funny but was, clapping her hand to her mouth to stop the giggles.

"Oh Shay!" She returned with the same silly sentiment, plopping down to sit in the middle of the blanket she caught the toddler as she launched onto her lap. Cuddling Shay tightly with one arm and holding Ember around the middle with the other, the baby sucking the foot of her bear.

"I love da zoo Mama" Shay beamed as she snuggled against her mother's chest, reaching across to hold her little sister as well. In her two year old mind the zoo translated to a fun activity, yummy food and a chance to be a happy family.

"I love it when you're happy" Erin replied, enjoying the embrace for a moment longer before deciding it had become too serious, moving her hand a little to begin tickling the toddler. All three were soon laughing, Shay loudest of all, and Kelly was drawn towards them almost magnetically. Taking the diaper bag, which he had been lounging against, he moved to join them on the blanket.

The tickling lost its appeal when their sides began to ache from laughing too hard and instead they found themselves in a messy hug. Limbs jutting out in just about every direction as the girls snuggled in the sanctuary of their parents arms. Kelly managed to steal a quick kiss from his wife but it was clear that the focus had shifted to their daughters. They talked briefly but when Shay showed signs of sleepiness the map was brought out again, plotting a route that would lead them past animals they hadn't yet seen and take them back to the lion enclosure in time for the show.

Erin left folding the blanket to her husband and their eldest, stepping aside with Ember and the baby carrier to organise herself. Despite the assurances of the comprehensive manual that accompanied the baby carrier she had always been too anxious to put either daughter in facing outwards, certain it would damage their little neck and hips. There was so much to see at the zoo though that she decided to give it a chance since Ember was well capable of supporting her own head. She didn't even think about the reverse, that people would be able to get a look at the baby, nor did she see the woman approaching.

"She's adorable" The stranger commented as she stopped before the pair, gesturing to the smiley baby.

"Thanks" Erin accepted, used to the odd comment about her daughters it didn't distract her from the task of adjusting the carrier straps slightly.

"She reminds me of the baby in that ad… the police one" The woman shared, smiling at them both.

"Uh… She actually is" Erin managed, surprised that her baby had been recognised and completely unsure about how best to respond.

"No! Really?" The woman gasped, reacting to the confirmation but not for a second doubting the validity of the claim.

"Yeah" Erin confirmed with a nod and a smile.

"Aw. Well she's even cuter in person" The woman assured kindly, contorting her face into half a dozen expressions as people often did when they looked at babies.

"Thanks" Erin said again for lack of anything better to say.

"How old is she?" The woman enquired, turning her attention back to Erin and giving a interested look.

"Four and half months" Erin answered easily, finally a question to which there was a straightforward answer.

"She's very alert. Oh hello there darling" The woman cooed as she neared a half step and caught Ember's waving hand. Erin usually felt uneasy when strangers tried to touch her daughters but she was in such a good mood she simply smiled.

"Ma" Shay greeted sharply, clearly meaning business as she marched to her mother's side. "That's my sister" She told the stranger clearly and authoritatively.

"Is she just? They're both beautiful, you're so lucky" The woman replied, releasing Ember's hand and stepping back as she looked Shay over, certain the older of the two would be cute too if she weren't scowling.

"Yeah I am" Erin agreed, well aware of that fact.

"Sorry, I should," She said, gesturing over her shoulder to indicate she had somewhere else to be. "Have a lovely day."

"You too" Erin returned, watching as the woman walked away before being startled by her husband's hand at her shoulder. Shay quickly scaled her father, lifted into his safe arms they all stood together watching the woman retreat.

"Sorry" Kelly apologised softly, rubbing her back but keeping his hand on her. "What was that?" He questioned, frowning as he nodded his head in the direction of the stranger.

"She recognised Em, from the ad…" Erin explained, thinking nothing of it though her subconscious was clearly reacting or she wouldn't have been startled.

"She's the cutest baby in Chicago, of course she's gonna get noticed" He informed proudly, stepping around in front of his wife to block her view then bending down slightly to kiss the top of Ember's head.

"Wha' 'bout me Daddy? Ain't I cutie?" Shay questioned, tugging at the front of his shirt to get his attention.

"You're not a baby! But you're definitely the cutest two year old" He explained, kissing her as well so she didn't feel left out. His wife looked relived but he wasn't done, he needed her smile back. "And Mummy's the most beautiful woman and I love you all so much."

"I love lions!" Shay announced excitedly.

"Yeah I know, we haven't forgotten" Erin responded with a laugh and a smile, Kelly wasn't sure whether it had been his comment or their daughter's but he didn't much care. He slung the diaper bag over his shoulder, being mindful of Shay at his hip, then took his wife's hand before they started off down the path towards the next animal enclosure. Big grey African Elephants.

* * *

Watching Shay watch the lion show was easily Erin's favourite part of the day. The toddler was absolutely enthralled, hanging on every word the zookeeper said as he recited information as if he were reading a script. What the presenter lacked in enthusiasm Shay made up for with her hunger for knowledge, rivalled only by the lion's hunger for the whole deer carcass thrown into the enclosure. Leo began to eat first, joined by Ellen who turned out to be his great aunt, Kema his sister then finally Binalu and Kiya his prospective mates.

Standing on her father's lap on the front row of bench seats Shay had a wonderful view of the animals, awake and moving around just as she had wished for. The toddler didn't even blink as the deer was slowly ripped apart, lion fur stained by blood as they ate hungrily. They were only fed twice a week, something Shay found astonishing. Clutching Roary in her hand she didn't take her eyes off the lions even as Brad, the zookeeper and show presenter, concluded and people started to leave.

"Shay did you have any questions about the lions?" Erin asked, keen to support Shay's learning even if that meant approaching Brad.

"When will they have babies?" Shay asked precisely.

"That's a good question, we should go ask" Erin encouraged, standing up before extending a hand to the toddler. Shay slid off her father's lap and Erin communicated with her husband silently, concluding that he would stay there with the diaper bag. Erin, wearing the sleeping baby on her chest, and Shay made their way across to where Brad stood, waiting until another patron had finished talking to him before making their final approach. "Excuse me. Hi. It was a great show but would you be able to answer some questions?"

"Of course" Brad nodded, giving a friendly smile.

"When will they have babies?" Shay repeated for the man following a prompt from her mother.

"That's a good question. Leo, Kiya and Binalu are part of a breeding program that avoids human intervention, that means we have no control over when, or even if, they breed. In the next few years we should see a litter of cubs but they're wild animals so there's no way to tell" Brad told them both, gaze only settling on the toddler when he had finished speaking. Shay was doing her best to process the information but until she could her expression would remain confused. "Oh sorry… Um… By the time you start school we'll probably have some cubs" He attempted to correct for her age.

"Umkay, thank you" Shay accepted politely, convinced that couldn't be more than a week away, not when her father at attended her request to visit the zoo so quickly.

"Was there anything else you wanted to ask? I like your lion by the way" Brad smiled, pointing at Roary and trying to remind himself that this little girl was a lot younger than those that usually approached him to ask questions.

"I like you lions…" Shay returned, letting her gaze drift to the lions in the enclosure, still gnawing on the now unrecognisable remains of the deer. "Um…When is them's bath time?" She posed a moment later.

"Most of the time they lick themselves clean but if you look over just over there you'll see their little pond, it's a bit dry today but we'll get in there and fill it up again when they're in bed tonight… That's their bath, they can go in it whenever they want but usually they don't unless Ell does. Ellen's the oldest and she's like their Mum, she makes them all take a bath on really hot days." Brad informed, wondering if the little girl was even tall enough to see where he had pointed.

"It is not hot here like Afree-ka" Shay told him, something else she had learned from the sign.

"You're right but except for Ellen they were all born in North America, Ellen was rescued from a circus in Colombia. Last year when we had a few days of really hot weather we made them some ice blocks with pig's…blood…" He trailed off, eyes widening with alarm as he looked to Erin, concerned he had said too much in front of such a small child.

"Isn't that cool Shay? They have ice blocks on hot days too" Erin encouraged, rapidly eliminating his uncertainty.

"Today is a hot day Mama" Shay reasoned, raising her little eyebrows hopefully.

"It is. Thank you" Erin smiled at Brad, if the toddler had ice cream on her mind it was unlikely she would come up with any further questions for the man who looked as if he had somewhere else to be.

"Thank you" Shay echoed sweetly.

"No problem, enjoy your afternoon" Brad said gratefully as he watched the pair move away.

"Bye-bye" Shay called a moment later, waving over her shoulder.

"Bye" He returned weakly, thinking they were getting too far away to hear him, smiling nonetheless.

"Can we has icy's Mama?" Shay questioned swiftly when her waving ceased, priorities shifting to her stomach yet again.

"I don't know, ask Daddy" Erin directed, knowing exactly what her husband's answer would be.

"Daddy can we has icy cream?" Shay skipped ahead to ask.

"Absolutely, good idea princess" He praised, hefting the bag to his shoulder but setting the toddler down as he stood. Damaged shoulder muscles fatigued to the point where he would rather chase after the toddler than carry her about.

Shay soon had melted chocolate ice cream smeared across her face and dribbling down her arms in dark brown trails. Erin, with her lemonade ice block completely under control, was quick to take Roary from the toddler's lap before he was dripped on. It wasn't until she was tucking the lion toy into the bag that she realised his pink companion was missing. They retraced their steps looking high and low but couldn't seem to find Bear.

During their search Ember woke, sensing something was wrong she grizzled and fussed quite uncharacteristically. They talked it through and worked out that the last place they had seen the pink bear was in fact at the bear enclosure, Shay had sat it on the railing to try to teach her little sister that they were the same animal. They looked there especially thoroughly but there was no sign of the toy. Neither Kelly nor Erin blamed Shay but the toddler definitely blamed herself, thinking it was a horrible thing to have done to her little sister. She couldn't even begin to imagine the situation in reverse, Roary missing, without crying.

"And hims dis big and pinks and fluffy and da softest like da Fwozen blankie" Shay composed herself enough to tell the woman at the lost property desk when asked for a description. The woman searched the crate of stuffed animals, pulling out a dozen bears, none pink or soft and fluffy like Bear. She made a note and took their number just in case the toy turned up but was honest enough to tell them it wasn't likely. They all felt rather grim as they entered the gift shop on their way to the exit.

From the moment they entered the shop it became obvious Shay wasn't going to leave without them purchasing a replacement stuffed animal for Ember. Unfortunately there weren't any that even closely resembled Bear. Taken out of the baby carrier Ember was able to judge the various toys Shay presented her with. The toddler took her time to gauge her little sister's reaction to each before determining that Ember liked the soft patchwork-style elephant best of all.

Meanwhile Kelly found a sweet little necklace for his wife, a heart shaped silver pendant with the words 'Mama Bear' and a bear paw print in gold on the front. He talked to the sales assistant who was happy to place it in a box so his wife wouldn't see it until he gave it to her. Wanting to find something to take Shay's mind of stuffed toys he sorted through a pile of shirts to find one a few sizes larger than the she currently wore. The one he selected was no plain t-shirt though, pink with several shades of synthetic fur forming an applique lion's face, features embroidered onto the fur with the name of the zoo beneath. It wasn't the greatest memento but every time Shay wore it, and he predicted that would be rather frequently, they would be reminded of the almost perfect day they'd had.

They regrouped at the counter, Shay standing on tiptoes to place the elephant up while Erin added an animal themed mix-and-match puzzle set for Shay. Kelly happily made the purchase and everything but the elephant went into the paper bag, Shay refusing to let the toy out of her sight. Grateful for the day they had had they were all still ready to go home, and Erin wasn't surprised when both girls dozed in the car on the way home. A quiet dinner and calm bedtime would be the finishing touches they needed to finish the day as planned.

**Yesterday I was informed that I won't have internet access until the New Year (the newly installed footpath will need to be dug up so that they can replace all the cables). Even then it won't really matter to me because I'm moving house to the other side of the country early next year… I hope that you continue to be patient and understanding, this situation is completely out of my control, and please also keep in mind that I want to publish just as badly as you want me to update! **

**Name suggestions for Emmy's elephant? **


	202. Chapter 202

**Strong M rating for this one.**

"If I go have a shower are you going to end up watching the clock?" Erin enquired, looking to her husband as she scooped up the sleepy toddler. Shay's head quickly found her mother's shoulder, damp hair wetting Erin's shirt as they left the bathroom.

"No, go ahead" Kelly replied, extending his hands in an offer to take the cuddly little girl. She wordlessly rejected the notion, enjoying Shay's cuddly mood, so he moved around her and pulled back the Frozen themed covers on the toddler's bed to help instead.

"Ni-night Shay, sleep well bub" Erin whispered softly as she tucked the covers around her constantly growing daughter and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Sleepy-night Mama" Shay murmured in reply, already half a sleep according to the slur on her words. "Ma' 'bout Waar?" The toddler asked sweetly, pulling the stuffed lion to her chest she didn't have the energy to coordinate getting him under the covers.

"Goodnight Roary" Erin added, repositioning the lion for her daughter before adding another kiss. Standing slowly she felt her husband's hand on her shoulder, his eyes telling her he could do the rest if she wanted to go. "I love you" She told neither specifically as she left, understanding her husband's motivation and feeling a little pressured to keep her shower short.

"Da-da kissy" Shay requested, blue eyes full of power over him even if they were mostly hidden by heavy eyelids.

"Did you have fun today beautiful girl?" He asked softly as he took his wife's place on the edge of the bed, brushing Shay's hair aside before bending to kiss her rosy cheeks.

"I funned" The toddler uttered with a nod that could simply have been her neck muscles relaxing as she fell asleep, her eyes closed tightly as soon as she finished her response. Kelly watched her for a few moments, until he was sure she was really asleep, then added a kiss to each eyelid before smoothing the covers and beginning a slow retreat. Stepping out from the glow of her nightlight he made for the doorway, freezing when the toddler shifted, pulling her knees up to curl in a ball around Roary, still fast asleep. After sending one last smile in her direction he left the small bedroom.

A moment later he was checking on Ember, the infant already sleeping soundly in her crib, his smile returned as he smoothed her soft hair and straightened the toy elephant she held. The sound of the shower running was easily audible so he was content to spend a few minutes admiring the sleeping baby, stroking her tiny fingers and pressing light kisses to her chubby cheeks. Only when he was certain his wife was almost finished did he move away, changing out of his clothes and placing the small black box on the bedside table before settling in the middle of the bed. Reaching across with his good arm he turned off one bedside lamp to create a better atmosphere for what was to come.

"She's out like a light" Kelly informed in response to his wife's questioning look some time later, Erin wondering as she stepped out of the bathroom just how long he had been waiting for her.

"Thank you" Erin acknowledged, pulling her towel up as she crossed to where her pyjamas hung on a drawer handle.

"Babe" He called as she reached for her nightshirt, waiting until she looked over her shoulder to throw back the covers. Not only was he sitting there shirtless but he also wore the red silk boxers he knew she loved.

"Mmm" She smiled appreciatively, letting her hand fall to her side as she turned to face him. "Is there any point in me getting dressed?"

"Nope" He answered with a subtle shake of the head, gaze intensifying as she untucked the corner holding the towel in place.

"Well then" She said, two simple words punctuated by a flick of her wrists as she opened and promptly dropped the grey towel to the floor. Watching as his eyes trailed up and down her body, drinking in the curves and features he loved.

"God you're beautiful" He told her, eyes narrowing for a second as he tried to work out how he had gotten so lucky, she was the woman of his dreams in every single way. Erin rolled her eyes at the compliment and tried not to scoff as she exhaled sharply, shrugging away his look of disagreement before she sauntered towards the bed. Exaggerating the sway of her hips just enough to conflict with his tendency to focus on the movement of her breasts, ample but perfectly rounded and seemingly unaffected by gravity. She really did look incredible, flawless in his somewhat biased opinion.

"It looks good" She noted in a convenient change of subject, gesturing at the purple-pink scar on his chest as she sat down at the edge of the bed. She was careful to cross her legs and obscure his view of her breasts with her arms when she leaned forward. Drawing a fingertip along the healing flesh she pulled back quickly when he flinched, the shiver up his spine associated with her touch rather than any sort of pain.

"That's because it is, I feel good" He assured, taking her hand and giving it an apologetic squeeze.

"Only good? I think we can improve on that" She informed, flashing her teeth in a devious smile before letting her eyes drift down his body. Despite everything he'd been through he looked good, the extended stay in hospital had helped him shift a few excess pounds he'd gained since Ember had joined their family. His muscular chest becoming increasingly defined as he began working back to his previous level of fitness with rehab approved exercise.

"Come here" Kelly requested, pulling her hand then taking her by the upper arm to bring her even closer. Erin gave a short husky laugh as she pulled her legs up onto the bed, tucking them under herself as she sat next to him. Another tug had her resting a hand on his shoulder as she rose onto her knees, swinging a leg over him before settling over his thighs. He gave her a look.

"Here? Or here?" She questioned, letting him take her full weight where she was before shifting forward to occupy his lap.

"There, definitely there" He answered, running his hands up and down her sides slowly, her skin gloriously smooth beneath his fingertips. She locked eyes with him, shifting her weight to rock her hips at the same even pace his hands moved.

"Oh you like that?" She asked rhetorically as his eyes blazed with desire. It took him less than a minute to figure out that if he moved faster she did too, and soon he had her gyrating above him.

"Mhm, I love that" He confirmed, a rumble from deep in his chest. "I love you. Don't stop" He requested urgently, palms finding her hipbones as she found a rhythm independent to his.

"Wasn't planning on it" She guaranteed, not sure he realised her motive was selfish.

"Ugh" He grunted after a few blissful minutes of increasingly heavy breathing, gripping tightly to slow her hips before he lost control of himself completely.

"Too much?" She questioned breathlessly, eyelids fluttering as she ground into him slowly but heavily, whimpering softly at the delightful sensation.

"No it's perfect, you're perfect" Kelly assured gently, feeling her stiffen slightly, he knew that overt compliments tended to make her uncomfortable. He had no idea what had changed since that afternoon, lounged on the grass at the zoo she'd seemed to enjoy it, now she was clearly signalling that he had said the wrong thing. "We did say we'd talk though… And we have all night" He reminded, stroking her hands down his sides again to rekindle the mood.

"We can talk after" She justified dismissively, cupping his cheeks and staring into his eyes as she rolled her hips before capturing his lips.

"Mmm" He groaned, doing everything he could not to lose himself right then and there. So much for all night. Her agenda was obvious but as seconds past and his brain caught up and he realised he wanted quite the opposite. Both were known for their stubbornness but Kelly was determined to achieve one thing in particular. "Lie down" He instructed, voice totally devoid of emotion.

"OoOoh" She hummed, green eyes alight with arousal as her heart raced at his sudden dominance. "Is that an order?" She enquired playfully, letting her hand grip his shoulder as she sat back.

"Lie down" He repeated identically, the same even cadence and almost harsh tone. She tipped her head and crinkled her eyebrows, uncertain. Kelly lifted her by the waist, with some protest from his shoulder muscles that he refused to let show on his face, laying her flat on her back in the middle of the bed. Her middle was slightly elevated on account of the folded covers beneath her but he repositioned a pillow to make her more comfortable before he slid down to lay beside her. Propped on his elbow he gazed longingly down her body. "You're beautiful."

"Mhm" She acknowledged with a small smile and a nod, though it wasn't at all difficult for him to see that she was struggling to accept it. Again. Whatever magic he had worked on their anniversary seemed to have worn off, not that he had really expected it to last forever. He had a strong suspicion that a four letter word starting with 'w' and the changes it required had something to do with it though.

"I love you" He reinforced, it was a process and he was making a start. She tried to roll towards him, hand running down his chest, eager to continue what she had so easily started, but he stopped her swiftly. "I love you because you're beautiful, inside and out" He informed, dipping his head and seizing her mouth for a passionate kiss before she had a chance to respond. "You're beautiful" He breathed as soon as his lips left hers, the beginnings of agreement twinkling in her eyes when she opened them. "I'm going to keep saying it until you believe it."

"I believe you think I'm beautiful" She attempted, eyes darkening challengingly.

"Uh-uh, none of that crap, you're beautiful Er. The sooner you accept it the better this will be" He explained seriously, shaking his head at her attempt.

"Okay, I'm beautiful" She shrugged as she told him, only trying to insert genuine feeling through carefully calculated body language when she'd finished speaking. It was just another part of the process but he knew it was progress and so rewarded it. One searing kiss after another he hoped to wear her down, kissing her repeatedly until he'd stolen the breath from her lungs and ignited a fire in her soul.

Then as if nothing had happened he sat back and just looked at her, staring into her eyes he waited with all the patience in the world. Long moments passed and she felt the walls she kept up begin to crumble, soon entering the shared meditative state she still was unsure about. It was great right up to the point where she had to acknowledge that he was right, she could see it in every fibre of his being and that wasn't something one could distort.

"You're so beautiful" He whispered as his own desires began to come into play, looking at her like that, really seeing her, made him want her so badly it very nearly hurt. It certainly produced an ache like no other. But again he waited, and again it didn't come, that look of hers that he wished he could banish forever, that he wished she hadn't had to begin with, that he knew stemmed way back to her less than ideal childhood.

"And you're an incredible mother" He added when her hand rubbing at his upper arm reminded him that it wasn't a concern for that moment. He'd achieved what he'd set out to and now it was fair to reward himself. There was one last thing he had to do first though, reaching across her to the bedside table and the box that sat there. Erin's eyes widened noticeably, forehead creased by curiosity she waited as he opened the box and withdrew the contents. Dangling the necklace by its clasp he drew the cold metal up her midline, navel to collar bones before her hand closed around it.

"What's this" She asked as he dropped the clasp, letting the chain pool with the pendant in her palm. Using both hands she unfurled the chain and held it up to look at the inscription.

"From the zoo, just in case you need help remembering today…" He shared, tenderly running a fingertip along her raised forearm.

"It's beautiful. Thank you" She answered, gratitude extending well past the gifting of a trinket, no matter how thoughtful. She needed him, his love, his certainty and the way he knew exactly what was wrong and how to fix it without the use of words.

"Here" He murmured, taking the clasp and helping her put on the necklace while she held her hair out the way. He pinched the pendant between two fingers and positioned it precisely between her breasts, allowing a fingertip to trace the underside of each as he kissed her slowly. As his tongue set about conquering her mouth his hand drifted aimlessly, fingertips then fingernails setting nerves on fire everywhere they went.

They parted for breath and Erin gasped in a deep breath whilst squirming slightly in reaction to his touch, wanting firm and certain where he gave soft. Kelly smiled against her lips in one final kiss before leaving her mouth to explore the abundance of skin on display. Beginning at her jaw he continued on down her neck and across her collar bones.

"Mm" Erin moaned, the vibration of her throat something he loved to feel on his lips. He only caught the end of it though, keen for another he redoubled his efforts, sucking and nipping beneath her ear he was unable to continue an elaborate series of motions with his hand. Instead he resorted to a mindless one fingered stroking pattern up and down her body.

"That's nice" She whispered, body quivering of its own accord. While at first he doubted she was referring to the light touch he continued it anyway, investing more attention when he realised it was superior to kissing in producing the moans he so loved to hear. "Uh!" She gulped when on a subsequent downward stroke he couldn't stop himself delving a finger into her molten core.

"You're so ready" He breathed into her ear before sucking her earlobe into his mouth.

"Mhm" She agreed, eyes wide in desperation as he sat back to look at her again withdrawing his hand from between her legs in the process. He definitely couldn't get enough. He gave her a sympathetic smile, very distinctly giving her the impression he understood her suffering, but then, quite suddenly, he tipped his head and winked, he knew what she wanted but he hadn't finished yet.

She groaned outright when he began to kiss his way down her body, sucking then licking and blowing intermittently. His tongue swirled its way around her nipple, her moan driving him to a compromise, giving her what she wanted: two dexterous digits. The combination of intense sensations soon had her writhing with pleasure. "Stop teasing me or I'll…" She began, biting her lip to keep quiet as he sped his movements.

"You'll what baby?" He questioned, voice sounding loud and harsh though it wasn't raised beyond an acceptable speaking level at that time of night.

"Scream" She threatened, eyes daring though they both knew she wouldn't.

"Ooh, dangerous" He recoiled, pretending to actually be concerned for an instant. "You know what happens if you wake the kids though" He reasoned immediately after, calling her out on the hollow threat.

"Hm? What happens?" Erin demanded, sliding down the bed enough to keep him where she wanted him. He loved this side of her, the way she'd continue to fight even when backed into a corner. It seemed so at odds to the vulnerability he had seen not too long ago but he was so glad she had both.

"Nothing" He put to her simply, freeing his hand for an accompanying gesture.

"No" She gasped, both at the poorly disguised counter threat and the loss of delightful pressure.

"Mhm" He nodded, looking almost as if he were delivering bad news. "So shhh" He ordered, pressing his moist pointer finger to her lips. Her frown was followed by a questioning look he only saw briefly as he removed his finger and replaced it with his mouth, kissing her ravenously.

"You're so bad" She murmured, twisting to press her chest against his.

"What was that? You want me so bad?" He asked teasingly despite having heard her perfectly.

"Please" She replied, running a hand down his chest all the way to the waistband of the boxers.

"Shh" He repeated the request, kissing her to keep her quiet as he shimmied out of the silky fabric.

"How are we–? Oh, like that" Her question was answered before she had the chance to ask it, rolled onto her side away from him he pushed her top leg up and skilfully positioned himself behind her.

"Is that alright?" He asked uncertainly, moving slowly and steadily to begin with.

"Yes!" She answered sharply, moving his hand up her leg to provide greater access. Kelly soon discovered that while there was no stress to his damaged and fatigued muscles he unconsciously associated that particular position with hurting his wife. Seeing the handprint shaped bruises he'd left on their anniversary weekend each time he closed his eyes. By that point his rhythm was near non-existent, hips slowing with each reminder. "Don't stop" Erin very nearly begged, rolling her hips to keep him moving. He took a deep breath, looked at her naked body then replayed her plea in his mind, growing his own need.

"Wasn't planning on it" He answered, returning her words from earlier, kissing her shoulder as he leaned into her, hips beginning to work with hers. Building up until she was burying her face in the pillow to muffle frequent moans. He knew it wasn't the best angle and suspected she was at least in part putting it on to motivate him, something he appreciated. But he also wanted those beautiful noises to be real, something he hoped to accomplish by snaking his arm around her waist and reaching down between her legs to provide additional stimulation. What felt like only seconds later she wasn't just moaning openly, she was panting hard and grabbing at him to force him deeper as well, so close. "That okay baby?"

"So. Good" She moaned breathlessly, tipping her head back. He brushed her hair from her neck with his nose then sucked at the point just below her ear he knew would take her over the edge. Her back arched violently against him and she barely managed to turn her head in time, the pillow just muffling the expletive that left her lips at high volume.

"You like that" He concluded, proud of himself but again using her words, not that she really heard them as her body shook and shuddered.

"Love that" She panted when at last she could speak again, returning to rolling her hips, already feeling very selfish. "Love you" She added, taking the hand holding her breast and raising it to her lips, kissing his palm. She then used her hold on his hand to try to pull herself around, searching for his lips. They craned their necks but Kelly quickly decided it wasn't enough for him, the kisses and their position just weren't having the desired effect. Again taking control of her body he moved out of the way and lay her on her back. Standing on his knees he moved over her, parting her legs he ignored the worried look on her face. He knew he wouldn't be able to sustain the position for long, supporting himself over her would put strain on his healing shoulder muscles and damaged lung, both already sore from the day they'd had.

"Mm" He sighed as he found the right angle, thrusting slowly as he kissed her a few times, appreciative of her patience. Within seconds he was breathing like he'd run half a marathon and sweating profusely with the effort.

"Babe" Erin murmured, finding his eyes and trying to communicate that she was more than happy to provide an alternative. Kelly shook his head though, determined. Erin knew her husband was stubborn , and it definitely wasn't something they needed to argue about, so she bent one leg up and held him a little differently. Putting more effort into kissing and touching to help him along, considerate of his need to breathe she focused mainly on his neck and shoulders.

Tipping to one side with exertion he found her bent knee, using it to steady himself before gripping her shin and pushing her leg until it couldn't bend any further. A moan from his wife suggested she was enjoying the new configuration as well. And that was really all Kelly needed to begin towards the climax he both wanted and deserved. Driven on by her mutterings of pleasure he began to thrust wildly in one final effort.

"Don't hurt… yourself" She pled between moans, cupping his cheek before wiping the sweat from his forehead up into his hair. Her hand found the back of his head just as he found her deepest point, sending her spiralling into an unexpectedly forceful orgasm. He scrabbled to quiet her cry of pure ecstasy with his hand before joining her. Utterly spent he collapsed forth, lungs expanding urgently to oxygenate his body. When the involuntary spasms ceased he did his best to roll off her but ended up crushing her bent leg beneath himself as she rotated with him.

Erin, who had recovered far more quickly, rectified the situation by moving to lie alongside him, resting her head on his shoulder instead of his chest. Trailing her fingertips up and down his sweat slicked chest she tried to help him calm his breathing. Almost the instant he achieved the even pattern of inhalation and exhalation she demonstrated he passed out. She laughed softly to herself for a second then pulled the covers up to his waist, kissing down his side until her lips brushed over his new scar. Hesitating there for a moment she remembered the turbulent few weeks they had had, mind eventually flooded by memories of their wonderful day as she settled in to sleep.

**I'm still not sure I've got the hang of writing these parts… Trying to explain where all their body parts are while keeping it realistic, flowing and somewhat romantic is a challenge. Anyway I hope it was alright…**

**Merry Christmas to those who celebrate and happy holidays to those who don't, reviews are certainly awesome presents to wake up to :D **


	203. Chapter 203

Kelly found himself waking suddenly, not sure what was wrong but certain there was something. Their room bathed in a strange level of early morning light he let his eyes dart around before realising it was his ears that had detected the abnormality: his wife's breathing. Fast shallow breaths that made him think she was having some sort of nightmare, her head moving ever so slightly from side to side. Rolling to face her he reached a hand across the bed, locating her naked body with ease. Erin's eyes flew open, startling him even though it had been his intention to wake her. "You okay?" He croaked, rubbing his thumb across the plane of her sternum.

"I'm gonna be sick" She answered with surprising clarity, pursing her lips and closing her eyes as her stomach muscles began to tighten under his arm. She raised a hand to cover her mouth but otherwise made no attempt to move despite beginning to gag. Kelly leapt from the bed, heart racing with the sudden movement, and crossed to the change table. Taking the lone plastic container from the shelf he tipped various tubs and tubes of creams onto the changing pad before rushing it back to his wife. She gave him a fearful look then turned her head to the side and vomited violently into the container, grasping at it with both hands he was left to contain her hair. With her silky locks in one hand he rubbed her back with the other, amazed at just how much she was able to vomit in such little time.

"Okay, okay" He said, mostly to himself, using a soothing voice as she released the container and flopped back to the bed. Kelly let go of her hair and steadied the near full container, holding it in both hands. Sliding it onto the bedside table he pressed his fingers to her forehead, she was definitely unwell. "Better?" He asked hopefully.

"Uh-uh" She shook her head, unrelenting nausea becoming that hot saliva feeling she dreaded. Kelly saw her tense but only just managed to get the container into place, glad it was only a little bile.

"I have to empty it, don't move" He ordered, caressing her cheek before standing up. With the container in hand he walked cautiously but quickly to the bathroom. Pouring, flushing and then rinsing the container in the sink a few times he set it aside and retrieved the washcloth from the shower, wetting it with cold water and squeezing out the excess. He returned just when Erin thought she was going to be sick again, his patting at her forehead with the cool cloth enough to delay it for a few moments.

That time when she began to vomit he dug through her bedside table, finding just about everything but what he was looking for. Fumbling with something vaguely in the shape of what he sought he found himself looking from a condom to his vomiting wife; reminded that yet again they had been careless. Shaking his head quickly to dismiss the thought he dropped the condom back into the drawer and slammed it shut. Moments later in a brief reprieve he dashed back to the bathroom and returned with a hair tie.

"Ow" She gasped, hanging her head over the container as she waited for the next wave.

"Sorry baby" He apologised rapidly, loosening the messy bun he was forming with his fingers.

"Not you" She informed before retching and vomiting, sparing a hand from the side of the container and clutching at her stomach. He was familiar with the pain of vomiting with an empty stomach but didn't know what to do to help. Long minutes ticked by before she dared lie back again, looking grey-green, clammy and exhausted. Moving the container to the bedside table he wiped her face caringly, not sure how to manage her fever if she was already undressed.

She seemed to settle to sleep and after ten peaceful minutes he began to relax, fiddling with a thread along the seam of his boxers as he watched her. He knew she had been wearing one of his shirts when he'd gotten up to go to the bathroom, that had been when he'd put the boxers on. She must have discarded the shirt in her sleep or woken to take it off as her fever developed. Peeling back the covers so that only the light cotton sheet covered her he didn't expect to have to launch forward and get the container into place, splashing a few droplets of vomit to the bed beside her pillow in his hurry.

"That's it, try to breathe" He coached as she vomited again and again, gasping for air whenever she had the chance. When her nausea calmed again he emptied the container and found a towel, folding it and tucking it in beside her before placing the container on it. The empty container was apparently doomed to be filled again and she was soon coughing and spluttering though what seemed like a tsunami if nausea was likened to waves.

Increasingly concerned for his wife Kelly almost cheered in celebration when her stomach settled, allowing her to lay back. Dabbing at her forehead then wiping her chin he set aside the washcloth, it would need to be rinsed before he could use it again. He ran a thumb over her cheek, her eyes opened then closed in slow motion before she screwed up her face as if to cry. "Hey, it's okay, you'll be okay" He comforted, wishing they could trade places because at least she would know what to do. He glanced at the clock and realised that it was far too early to call for help.

"Baby, I'm going to go empty this again. Then I'm gonna get you a glass of water and something to make you feel a bit better okay?" He explained, telling her his course of action made him feel a little better about it. She gave an almost indiscernible nod and he got up, it felt wrong to leave her but he was quick in the kitchen, delay resulting only when he tried to work out which medicine to give her. Settling on paracetamol he popped two tablets from the sheet and took them back to her. He rubbed her back as she vomited then held the glass as she rinsed her mouth and sipped, eventually swallowing the tablets with a gulp of water.

It wasn't even five minutes before the tablets made a reappearance, not even partially dissolved he doubted any of the medicine had been absorbed. Her upset look returned, teary eyes added to the scrunched face that so strongly resembled their daughter's. "Just try to relax" He suggested gently, trying to smooth her frown with fingertips that felt almost cold against her burning skin. Erin sighed and closed her eyes, trying not to picture herself on a boat as she took deep, calming breaths.

Without medicine Kelly didn't know how to manage her fever, resorting back to using the washcloth he made regular trips to and from the bathroom. Wiping her face and arms before folding it on her forehead as a cold compress, cracking a window to get some air moving he hoped evaporative cooling would kick in.

"Stop" Erin begged weakly though chattering teeth, exerting the most effort she had since waking up to push his hands away.

"I'm sorry, you're burning up" He justified, catching her hands and holding them as he placed the cloth on her forehead. Feeling terrible that he had to restrain her and trying to remind himself that he was acting in her best interests. He knew it wasn't good that she was shaking and shivering, a sign that her temperature was rising not falling.

"Please" She attempted again, sounding so weak that he released her hands. The moment he did she was dragging the washcloth from her forehead and letting it flop to the bed, pulling the sheet more tightly around herself. The movement was enough to trigger another bout of vomiting, coughing and retching horribly since there was really nothing left to expel. Kelly did his best to comfort her through it, her miserable moan making him feel useless as he wiped her brow and chin.

Making what felt like his hundredth trip to the bathroom he took his time wringing out the cloth, examining himself in the mirror. The alertness that came from waking with a start had well and truly expired but he didn't look tired, just troubled. He didn't know how much more he could take let alone his poor wife; watching her suffer while trying to be strong for her, resisting the urge to vomit himself. Again. Movement in the bedroom followed by the noise he'd heard all too often in the last half hour, she was vomiting again.

Erin's whole body was shaking violently, goosebumps covering her limbs she was quite sure she was on the verge of freezing to death. Reaching for the shirt she'd somehow lost to the floor she was determined to add at least one layer to warm herself up. Movement and her stomach weren't on the best terms but she ignored the nausea right up until she found herself sitting on the floor, gagging and heaving as she reached for the container. His hand appeared from nowhere, guiding the plastic tub into place just in time.

"Baby" He complained softly when she pressed the container into his hands and tried to pull on the shirt. Her fever was making her delirious. "How 'bout a shower?"

"Hot?" She questioned, curled in a ball inside the large t-shirt she leaned against the side of the bed. Looking up from where she'd temporarily rested her head on her knees she narrowed her eyes, convinced he was somehow trying to trick her into a cold shower since he seemed to think she was already warm, hot even. What she would give to be hot in that moment. She accepted that she was unwell but it seemed too obvious to her that shivering meant she was cold.

"Come on" He nodded, careful not to lie to her he put the container aside and lifted her easily. She somehow managed to steel her stomach for the short journey to the bathroom, allowing him to manhandle her out of her clothes then sit her on the toilet while he readied the shower. Kelly made sure to fill the confined cubicle with billowing steam before adjusting the temperature to just on lukewarm. His cunning paid off, despite the low temperature she seemed to think it was warming her, the water chilling to him as he stepped in after her to keep her upright. Clinging to him while the water trickled down her back she soon stopped shivering. Slowly relaxing and growing heavier in his arms until he suspected she had fallen asleep.

Wrapping her in a towel he carried her out to the bed, leaving a trail of water as his boxers dripped. He lay her on her towel, readjusting his to cover half her pillow and the gap between her pillow and the edge of her bed where the container would go when he'd rinsed it. He hoped she wouldn't need it, that she'd sleep for the next few hours then wake up feeling better. She didn't. He'd not long gotten comfortable on his side of the bed when she stirred, coughing then turning her head to be sick into the container. Her body seemed to have been busy making bile just for the occasion.

A small blessing came in that she was asleep again when he returned from the bathroom, making sure that the container was in her reach he got into bed again. The clock informed him that he'd slept for twenty-three minutes when he woke and repeated the now familiar procedure, whispering to her and tugging at the curtains to shut out the light the only addition to the last repetition. Morning was coming whether he wanted it or not, ready or not, well or not. Hope seemingly wasn't enough. Woken by her twice more over the next two hours he was ready to drain the container when he was roused a third time just shy of six thirty.

Erin remained asleep though, Ember the one demanding attention with a combination of cries he recognised as hungry and wet. Creeping around the room to avoid disturbing his wife he changed the baby, dangling the elephant toy over her to keep her as quiet as possible. There soon came a point where her hunger outdid any distraction, forcing him to resort to monitoring his wife through the baby monitor as he took the infant downstairs to make a bottle. Shay's drawings on the coffee table when he sat down to feed Ember reminded him, they were supposed to be spending the day at the aquarium.


	204. Chapter 204

**OMG I haven't updated since last year! :P Happy New Year's Everyone! May this year be as Fan-fic-tastic as the last. Please enjoy:**

"Wow" Kelly managed as Shay appeared in the hallway between the hall and lounge room, not only did it feel as if his eyes were under attack but he suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Not physically sick like his poor wife but sick with dread, he had hoped to delay but seeing the toddler dressed and ready for one thing and one thing only he knew he couldn't.

"Good mornin' Daddy" Shay greeted chirpily, swishing into the room wearing just about every blue item of clothing she owned. Shimmering blue leggings with a fish scale print and a blue long sleeved shirt formed the first layer of her outfit, two dresses, a skirt, at least two t-shirts, a singlet with an embroidered sea horse and a fluffy blue faux fur vest almost finished off the look. The toddler had gone one step further though, pulling most of her hair up into three very crooked pigtails while the rest hung down in odd sleep tousled clumps, all decorated with an ample supply of hair ties, clips and ribbons. And finally she'd accessorised with not one but two stuffed animals, Roary in one hand and the seal Chase had bought her in the other.

"Morning Shay" He began, steadying himself for what was to come. Despite having been thinking on this exact dilemma for more than an hour he still hadn't decided exactly how he was going to tell her.

"Is it not good?" Shay posed, narrowing her eyes as she looked him over with her intense blue gaze. "I dressed ready an' we 'quarium t'day!" She reminded enthusiastically, assuming he must have forgotten because he certainly didn't seem excited enough. It was one of the first things she'd remembered when she'd woken up, hence the fact she was dressed before she'd even had breakfast.

"About that princess… come sit here" Kelly requested, patting the couch beside himself, before shifting the sleeping baby he held slightly.

"Is Emmy sleepsy?" Shay asked, stopping at the other side of the coffee table she tucked the seal up under her arm then poked at the plastic nipple of the drained bottle.

"Yeah" He answered though the toddler seemed distracted, attention drifting from the bottle to the baby monitor, running her finger up the short stubby antenna then back down again.

"You puts sleepsy-Emby dere, I sits you" Shay instructed, leaving the baby monitor alone long enough to jab a finger in the direction of Ember's bouncy seat.

"You want to sit on my lap? Yeah okay" He clarified then immediately accepted, getting up to meet the toddler in the middle of what was usually her play space. Shay had already begun to drag the bouncy seat away from the wall, leaving it at her father's feet before retrieving a blanket from Ember's shelf in the bookcase. Ember didn't even stir as she was settled in the seat, Shay draping the blanket over her little sister with great care then pressing a kiss to her cheek before following her father back to the couch. She tried to climb up but refused to let go of either stuffed toy and so had to be lifted onto his lap.

"I love you Daddy" Shay reminded softly when he held her just a little tighter than usual, she was intuitive enough to know that something was going on.

"I love you too Shay and you look awesome" He praised with a wink and a smile. "It was so good of you to get dressed and do your own hair. That's a very big girl thing to do all by yourself" He paused, not wanting to say it, not wanting to let her down. "And I know you really wanted to go to the aquarium today… but Mama's sick so we need to stay home and look after her" He finished, watching realisation dawn in her eyes. Disappointment didn't even get a look in amongst the emotions she was experiencing.

"Mama?" Shay questioned in utter disbelief, she wasn't sure her mother had ever really been sick before.

"Yeah, Mama's not well, she was very sick in the night so she's resting now" He explained, the baby monitor catching his eye as the green lights flickered, transmitting sound down from the bedroom. The crackling rustle of sheets followed by a return to silence.

"Mama's a sicky-bear?" Shay frowned, uncertainty quickly mixing with concern.

"Mhm" He confirmed with a nod, patting her leg though he wasn't sure she'd be able to feel it through all the layers of fabric. Perhaps it was easier this way, at least he wouldn't have to negotiate her out of half her outfit to prevent the heat stroke that would surely occur if they were to go out and about.

"How?" The toddler questioned, either wondering how her usually healthy mother had become ill or asking how unwell she was.

"She was vomit–" He was cut off by coughing and retching as the baby monitor burst to life, feeling very much as if he'd jinxed it. "Can you keep an eye on Em for me? You can watch cartoons" He told the toddler quickly, lifting her as he stood then setting her down where he'd been sitting, passing her the remote before dashing from the room and up the stairs. Out of breath by the time he reached his wife's side he settled on the edge of the bed, stroking her cheek as she pushed back from the container to lie on her side, looking beyond miserable with her eyes just barely cracked open.

"Ugh" Erin groaned, closing her eyes tightly and gritting her teeth as she fought the urge to be sick again.

"Is there anything I can do?" Kelly questioned as gently as he could, frowning out of frustration and helplessness.

"The girls" She requested through clenched teeth, knowing he didn't need her to finish the statement.

"Everything's under control, you just rest" He encouraged, brushing his thumb over her cheek then bending to kiss her forehead as her facial muscles relaxed somewhat, nausea passing at last. She gave a small yawn then snuggled down into the bed, keeping her movement to a minimum because that was what seemed to be the trigger. As eager as she was to get back to sleep she was anxious she would roll over again and wake only to vomit immediately, scrabbling to get to the container in time. Kelly refused to leave her side until she was asleep though, whispering soothingly and doing everything he could to comfort her. Leaving her still without colour in her cheeks but in a peaceful slumber.

"Is Mama 'kay?" Shay questioned the moment he peeked into the lounge room, she wasn't watching cartoons as he'd expected. Instead she sat before her sleeping baby sister, bouncing the baby calmly and rhythmically to keep her asleep.

"Yeah, she's alright" He assured, rubbing a hand over his face to diffuse as much stress as he could before crossing back to the couch.

"More sicking?" Shay asked sadly though she already knew the answer, having heard the entirety of their brief exchange over the baby monitor.

"Yeah" He confirmed with a tired nod. "I'm really sorry" He added, while there wasn't much he could do for his wife he definitely couldn't leave her and take the girls out. Maybe if Chase weren't working and he knew she would stay asleep but since that wasn't the case the day at the aquarium was cancelled.

"Not you faults" Shay shrugged, stopping bouncing Ember for a moment in order to peel off the furry vest, already getting hot in the special but now pointless outfit.

"No… no it's not" He agreed less than certainly, there was that thought again, dangerous at best.

"I makes her better" Shay vowed as she stood, though she herself hadn't worked out how exactly she was going to manage that. It would probably involve some serious snuggles because as much as she hated to stay still she knew her mother loved it.

"How 'bout we get some breakfast first?" Kelly recommended strongly, pushing himself up and offering his hand to the toddler.

"Umkay" Shay nodded, slipping her hand into his so he could lead her through to the kitchen. They returned to the lounge room a few minutes later, both with bowls of sugary cereal, sitting together on the couch to watch cartoons as they ate. Shay lost a layer of blue clothing to the milk that dribbled down her chin when she tried to drink it from the bowl and another of her shirts was soaked when she went upstairs to wash her face.

After splashing water all over herself and the bathroom she stopped, realising that her mother wouldn't be in five minutes later to clean up like she usually was. Tugging Chase's towel from its hook she swiped it first over the floor then up the cupboard and over the bench, going as far as she could reach from her step stool before bunching the towel up and stuffing it into the cupboard.

"How's it going princess?" Kelly asked in barely a whisper, he'd just spent five precarious minutes in their bedroom and bathroom getting ready for the day.

"Goodly" Shay assured, trying not to appear guilty as she pushed her stool back into place and stepped up onto it.

"Brushed your teeth?" He questioned, suspecting Shay had used the toothpaste by herself when she wasn't supposed to.

"No, you gots'ta toofpaste Daddy" Shay answered, shaking her head rapidly.

"Okay" He agreed, popping the lid on the tube even though he still thought she had already brushed her teeth. Knowing his wife would likely be pleased to know Shay was brushing thoroughly after her sugary breakfast, not that he would be cruel enough to discuss food with his wife at present. Shay ran the toothbrush over her teeth hurriedly then pretended to be a shark, showing all her teeth while her father scrubbed them a little more purposefully. "All done."

"Is Mama sleepsing?" Shay enquired once she'd rinsed her mouth, looking at him through the mirror.

"Mhm" He nodded.

"Um… I can makes her a better card?" Shay offered and questioned simultaneously, turning around and grabbing hold of his shirt to swing down from her step stool.

"A get well soon card?" Kelly tried to clarify despite understanding her completely.

"No. Cards will make Mama feeling better. I make cards" She explained very clearly, a little confused by what he had said. Whilst he had been in hospital her mother had explained that people were giving him cards to make him feel better, she had never heard them called 'Get Well Soon' cards.

"Okay, you can make Mama a card" He concluded, deciding that it wasn't the best time for a lesson. They headed downstairs together and Shay waited for the perfect opportunity, when her father was busy trying to settle her little sister, to ask for glitter. Kelly agreed only because Shay informed him she could get it herself, if he'd seen the damage she'd done to Erin's organisation of the craft box he might have regretted the decision earlier.

Shay, ever a fan of glitter, twisted the lid in order to sprinkle the maximum amount at once, accidentally unscrewing the lid and upending the entire container on the card. Of course glitter had a tendency to go everywhere so by the time Kelly had finished feeding Ember a bottle it was spread across the dining room like snow in a blizzard. There was a fair quantity in Shay's hair as well, adding to her the theme.

Of course once she finished the card and had waited for it to dry she wanted to show it to her mother. Kelly was reluctant to agree, not wanting to disturb his sleeping wife. He suggested instead that Shay should sneak into the bedroom and stand it up on the bedside table so it would be the first thing her mother saw when she woke. It wasn't a bad idea except that he seemed to have forgotten that two year olds were incapable of being quiet.

"OH NO!" The toddler announced loudly when the card fell from the bedside table, made of ordinary paper and therefore not stiff enough to stand unsupported it plummeted right into the unemptied container of vomit.

"Uh?" Erin grunted as she was roused, opening her eyes just as the toddler's head crashed into her shoulder. Shay's harsh sobs were the first sound she identified, followed shortly after by thudding feet up the stairs and Ember's startled wails.

"What…" Kelly began as he rushed into the room, quieting so that he could assess the situation. Ember, who had been sleeping soundly in her father's arms, was screaming deafeningly so before Kelly could do anything for his wife, practically drowning in Shay's tears the toddler was so distraught, he had to calm the baby. Bouncing and hushing had no effect so in a final effort he handed her the elephant toy, coaxing the trunk into her mouth to drown out the noise.

Ember settled, Erin finally managed to react to Shay's outpouring of emotion and Kelly decided on a course of action. He lay the infant in her crib and approached his wife and eldest daughter to salvage the card to the best of his abilities. Patting it dry with the towel he was propping it up against the bedside lamp when his wife spoke, one word that altered his priorities dramatically.

"…Contagious" She murmured through one of Shay's glittery pigtails. Kelly scooped the toddler up out of her mother's arms and receiving an ear-piercing scream in response. Shay flailed, desperate to make it up to her mother having just ruined the one thing she thought was able to make her better, and Kelly had no choice but to release her to the floor. Shay didn't put her feet out below herself and so flopped unceremoniously to the floor, immediately pushing up to return to her mother.

Erin, rightfully concerned for her daughter, had shifted slightly and quickly found herself overcome by nausea. Unable to vomit and watch Shay at the same time she hoped her husband would be able to calm the toddler. Kelly hesitated for just long enough to determine who to comfort first then crouched beside the bed and placed a hand on Shay's stomach. The toddler was even more upset, having thrown herself backward when she determined she'd made her mother sick again.

"Your card is alright" He attempted, catching one of Shay's hands to uncover her face while pointing to the card, a distinct line indicated the depth of submersion but otherwise it looked just as it had when she had finished it.

"It… BROKED!" Shay cried loudly, hitting at her father's hand and sobbing even louder. "Ma…Ma… Si-sickky-b-b-bear… I baaaaaaad. I naughty" The toddler explained, turning her hands on herself instead, thumping them into her head to punish herself for throwing a tantrum when she was supposed to be a big girl for her mother and father. "NO 'QUARIUM!" She howled finally, rolling over onto her stomach then stopping completely, emitting no further sound and making no further movements.

"I'm sorry Shay" Kelly whispered softly, rubbing a hand over her back before turning his head to look at his wife. "You okay?"

"Fine" Erin answered coolly, only just in control. "You can't let them come near me… they'll get sick" She warned, breathing deeply.

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry… She just made you a card" He justified weakly, knowing it had been a foolish decision to let the toddler come up to the bedroom alone.

"It's beauti–" She tried to reply, vomiting before she could finish her statement.

"I'll take them downstairs" He suggested, trying to amend his error of judgement. A nod from his wife all the approval he needed to execute the statement. With an arm around each of them and balancing them on his hips he took them from the room. Downstairs he set them on the couch, told Shay to look after her sister then stuffed Frozen into the DVD player, he waited until it played then headed back upstairs.

"They okay?" Erin asked when he returned empty handed, the house silent but for the television.

"Yeah" Kelly assured, taking a seat next to his wife and using the backs of his fingers to test her temperature. Her fever was gone, explaining her return to rational thought, but with the nausea surging every time she moved she was still far from her normal self. "Frozen" He explained, giving in to her unrelenting questioning gaze.

"You have to take them to the aquarium" Erin reasoned, thankful he had sat within her limited field of vision.

"No" He argued instantly.

"For me" She urged, it seemed the most sensible thing to do, keeping the girls away from the sickness and occupied by something fun.

"I can't leave you here alone, you're sick. I can look after you" He rationalised, brushing a few loose strands of hair back behind her ear.

"And the girls? You can't do both" Erin rebutted simply, it wasn't that he couldn't, it was that nobody could do both jobs well at the same time under the same conditions and pressures.

"I can, I'm sorry" He apologised, thinking she was judging his capabilities based on the card incident.

"Kelly, I'm fine. Please take them out, I really don't want them getting sick with this… it's awful" She said, thinking she was defending her position well.

"See!" He accused, pointing at the container of vomit for dramatic effect. "And I can't reward bad behaviour, that tantrum was unnecessary" He added, just to flatten any further arguments from her.

"You're being too harsh, she's two. It won't hurt you to take them out for the day, she'll love it… And I'm feeling better anyway" She attempted, giving the most convincing look she could muster.

"You were vomiting not five minutes ago, you just said you felt awful" He almost laughed, thinking she had put forward the most ridiculous argument. "I'm not leaving you…" He reiterated firmly.

"I can operate a telephone" She reminded flatly. "Please" She almost begged, taking his hand because moving her limbs wasn't nearly as bad as moving her body, that would be sure to end with her vomiting and losing the argument. "Go on without me" She joked, laughing softly to fill the silence that had fallen over them, hoping to demonstrate just how better she was feeling. Kelly thought about it for a good long while then answered.

"Fine, but you call me if you're sick again."

"Thank you" She resolved gratefully, though she would do no such thing, knowing he would come racing home the moment she did. "Could you bring me up some toast before you go? I'm kinda hungry" She furthered.

"Okay… I'll empty this and get you some water too" He agreed, albeit reluctantly, taking up the terrible smelling container.

"And a shirt?" She suggested before thinking, she had no idea how she was going to put it on without being sick.

"Alright, but just for the record I don't want to go" Kelly wanted to make very clear as he stood to comply with her list of demands, still feeling conflicted. The more he thought about it the more he thought a day at the aquarium beat a day cleaning up vomit. It was what she wanted after all.

**Good or bad idea? Poor Kelly!**

**Sorry about the delay in updating. I could say I've made a new year's resolution to update more frequently but not only am I already doing my best but also I'm terrible at the whole resolutions thing… Until next time thanks for reading :D **


	205. Chapter 205

**I must apologise for the delay, there was a mix up with the removalists and I've been so busy trying to coordinate getting everything (and everyone) to Perth. If I have any readers from Perth, WA they should definitely PM me because I won't know anyone when I get there this weekend. **

"Daddddy" Shay whined, slumping down onto the free space between the two car seats in the back of their car.

"Just… one more minute" He requested, doing up the tabs on the fresh diaper he was putting on Ember. Using the passenger seat of the car as an improvised change table in the middle of the aquarium car park felt like such a dorky dad thing to do. He couldn't imagine his wife ever doing such a thing, she'd make the disgustingly foul smelling diaper disappear with little more than a snap of her fingers. But maybe he was delaying intentionally, anxious about the two to one ratio in a public place and still unconvinced that leaving his wife had been a good idea.

"You said that thirty-fifty-ten minutes 'go" Shay informed matter-of-factly, pulling a face as she stood, leaning against the back of the passenger seat so she could look down at Ember. When he had first laid the infant there Shay had panicked, out of her car seat and searching for his phone before he could even begin to understand what was wrong. She was of course remembering the dreadful day her mother had been forced to resuscitate her baby sister. He'd soon worked it out when she started muttering 'Ambibulance' as she searched, comforting her by explaining that he was actually just changing her diaper. Regardless Shay had remained sceptical until she'd seen the contents of the soiled diaper, deciding then that jumping on the back seat was the best way to occupy herself while she waited.

"I did not" He defended reasonably, doing up the snaps of Ember's pink and blue striped onesie.

"Yeah, 'leventy-three-seventy minutes" Shay recalculated with all the accuracy of a clock without hands.

"We're almost ready, thank you for being so patient" He altered his intended course to say, wanting an enjoyable day even if he was going to have to fight for it. He lifted the once again smiling baby and turned her around before sliding her into the baby carrier he already wore, suspecting Ember would like to watch colourful fish swimming about.

"I am da patient-est evaa" Shay accepted with a smile as she slipped down to the footwell, feeling as if she'd been incredibly patient now that she didn't need to be. By the time her father had packed everything back into the diaper bag and worked out a way to carry it without tangling Ember in straps, Shay was pushing the heavy car door open. Kelly launched forward half a step and slid his hand between their car door and the car parked next to them. It was right on the line of the parking space and as a result they were unable to open their doors properly, one factor that had made the diaper change particularly difficult. Shay gave the car door another shove to test it was at its limit then stepped out into the fresh air and sunshine.

"Wait there" Kelly requested, shaking his hand to disperse the pain while the toddler spun around and slammed the door shut. Shay gave him an impatient sigh but thrust her hand straight up in the air, waiting for him to claim it so they could finally get into the aquarium. The man who resembled a packhorse, the squirming, drooling baby and the toddler in blue made their way across the car park together.

Kelly was pleased to see that the aquarium had been constructed much more thoughtfully than the zoo, half a dozen ticket desks open to cater for the increased flow of people over school holidays. He had their tickets in his pocket and so made a beeline for the express lane, feeling that their day might be beginning to look up.

"I need to reset the scanner, do you mind waiting a moment?" The man at the desk asked when Kelly immediately slid the blue tickets across at him.

"Sure" He accepted with a nod and a smile, pleased for the opportunity to show Shay patience in real life. He made eye contact with his daughter and flicked one of her ponytails back before his letting his gaze drift to the next ticket desk over.

"Children **under** five are free, he's five, its eighteen dollars for a children's ticket" The woman behind that desk explained exactingly.

"Oh" The prospective customer acknowledged sadly, looking down at her child then to the wallet in her hands. Kelly could see she had the money, but her reluctance to hand it over suggested it was meant for something else, twenty dollars could buy them food for the next few days. It looked as though they were used to living on very little money, Kelly got the feeling the woman had been going without to save up for the cost of admission. She clearly just wanted to take her son to the aquarium.

"Mummy, it's my birthday" The little boy urged, big brown eyes pleading with her to hand over the money. That was the tipping point for Kelly, it was the kid's birthday, his fifth by the look of him and he'd already been through too much. What kind of person could be so uncompromising that age down to the day mattered? Was the employee seriously suggesting that if they'd come the day before they wouldn't have had to pay when it was so obvious they were struggling financially.

"Ma'am" Kelly greeted as he stepped around Shay, sliding one of the two adult tickets he had onto the desk between the two women.

"Oh no, you don't…" The mother began rapidly, embarrassed to think that other people were watching her, making assumptions about her fitness as a parent.

"My wife isn't going to use it" Kelly explained, comforting the woman with a hand on her shoulder. "And it's his birthday? Happy birthday buddy" He added loudly, giving the boy a smile and making sure the people around them heard. "You'll let it slide just this once won't you? For his birthday. Give her her money back" He ordered softly, tone neutral though his eyes practically begged for the woman in the blue uniform to argue.

"He's five" The employee protested fiercely.

"Ma'am, what time of day was your son born?" Kelly posed with the beginnings of a smile, hopefully she understood what he was trying to do.

"Three forty-two" She answered, pausing for a fraction of a second before clarifying. "In the afternoon."

"So he's not technically five until three forty-two this afternoon" Kelly rephrased, turning back on the woman behind the desk. "If you really feel the need to be that precise" He added, perhaps unnecessarily though he felt better for having said it.

"Fine" The woman snapped, seeming to realise that he wasn't going to let it go. She scanned the ticket and passed it back, gesturing for them to move on.

"Feel free to apologise, and make sure you refund her for the ticket" He reminded casually though his expression conveyed his seriousness. He could tell the employee wasn't going to apologise but her hand slipped back under the desk and retrieved the money the woman had paid for a ticket she no longer needed. Movement in his peripheral vision caught his eye and he realised the attendant at the express lane desk had returned and was waiting for him. "Have a nice day" He told the broadly smiling mother and son before turning away, feeling that justice had been done.

Shay's watchful gaze followed her father as he stepped around her, processing what she had witnessed as he greeted the employee. It had been his intention to teach her patience but instead he'd delivered a much more valuable life lesson.

"Sorry. One adult and two under fives." Kelly explained as he passed the lone ticket across the desk, pleased that he had found someone who truly deserved the spare ticket so it wasn't going to waste.

"Certainly sir" The man accepted, scanning the ticket with a shrill beep he returned it then took a brochure from the holder on his desk. "Here's a map, showtimes are on the back, enjoy your day" He concluded pleasantly.

"Thank you" Kelly accepted gratefully before they started toward the entrance. "Ready Shay?" He questioned, taking her hand as they stepped through the round doorway and into the aquarium. There were tanks of every shape and size in every direction they looked, each occupied by something different. Shay squealed in delight before tugging him over to the nearest tank, pointing at the tiny, brightly coloured fish darting around the tank. They moved from tank to tank exploring the aquarium, playing a game to see who could spot the creature first and taking turns to 'read' the signs.

Shay managed to describe the physical features of each aquatic animal while Kelly contributed information about where they lived, what they ate and what made them special. Kelly absolutely adored the inquisitive look Shay got as he read the information to her and explained it in terms she would understand, it was increasingly clear she wanted to know everything about the world around her. Ember was just as curious, alert and attentive, eyes tracking the movement of the animals that weren't too camouflaged for her to make out. She also seemed to be listening to her father and sister, joining their conversation by babbling each time they stopped talking.

Despite the fun they were having not a minute went by that Kelly didn't think of his wife, imagining how much more fun they could have if she were there with them. Shay's eyes always lit up when her mother taught her something, exaggerated expressions and gestures helping her understand and remember a new concept. Ember was observant to the point Kelly suspected she was worried about being in a new place without the security her mother usually offered.

It didn't much help him when both girls refused the morning tea he had prepared and packed, the one thing he'd done that made him feel like he wasn't doing a terrible job as a solo parent. Shay told him not only that Mama made better carrot sticks but also that Mama would have known she wanted celery sticks. Simultaneously Ember decided that she hated her bottle because she couldn't squeeze it to increase the flow of milk, batting it away and refusing to drink the second last serve of pumped breast milk he had. Kelly tried not to take their fussiness personally, though he remained convinced his wife was the better parent, knowing they missed her just as much, if not more than, he did. Again making an effort not to dwell on it he packed away the uneaten food and got back to distracting them with remarkable sea creatures.

They saw a talented octopus make its way through a maze in search of a crab, which it then proceeded to dismember with seven legs and dozens of suckers. They watched a school of fish swim with absolute synchrony, shiny silver scales reflecting the light in a spectrum of colours Shay was fascinated by. Shay crawled around in and poked her head up through a tank designed to look like a playground, an internal chamber making the toddler seem like an exhibit. Next they learned about different types of coral and watched seahorses wrap their tails around seaweed stems. And then Shay discovered her favourite part of the aquarium, the 'Touch Tank'.

The long, curved, shallow tank on a stepped platform allowed people of any age and height to get right up to the edge, dipping their hands into the water for a hands-on experience. While Shay's excitement kicked into overdrive Kelly developed a serious case of anxiety. Envisaging the toddler tipping into the tank he moved quickly to stay at her side, catching her wrist when she flung out her hand to catch the edge of the tank.

"Look! Looky Daddy!" Shay announced in her elated state, leaning out over the water she used the magnifying properties of the fluid to get a better look at a sea cucumber inching its way across the sandy bottom.

"I'm looking princess" Kelly assured, unable to hold back a smile at her enthusiasm. He didn't have any trouble physically restraining her though, releasing her wrist but placing his hand on her shoulder instead.

"I 'llowed?" Shay posed, seeking permission to plunge her hand into the water just as the other children were. Obviously enjoying themselves as they patted, poked and prodded crabs, sea urchin, molluscs, starfish, rays and a few small sharks, all under the close supervision of parents and aquarium employees.

"I don't know, I think it's too deep here…" He reasoned gently, looking to the other end of the tank where a formation of rocks and corals made the water shallower, unfortunately overcrowded by other families with small children.

"Hmm… Daddy puts you arm out" Shay ordered after a moment spent thinking on the problem she faced.

"Okay" Kelly agreed, interested to see the logic behind the toddler's request he extended one arm out to the side. Shay twisted around a few times then stopped so she was facing him before putting out her own arm, she looked between the two limbs several times and then concluded that his arm was longer.

"You reach stretch Daddy. You get, me pat" She explained simply, making a scooping action with her hand before pointing at each of them in turn.

"Alright, good idea" He agreed, placing a hand over Ember's chest before tipping forward and scooping up the sea cucumber. The baby squealed at the unexpected movement then cackled and kicked as he recovered, keeping the creature submerged as he opened out his hand.

"Now I 'llowed?" Shay asked, though she was already reaching her hand into the water.

"Mhm" He nodded encouragingly, bringing his hand in nearer to the edge while arching around the toddler so Ember didn't accidentally kick her sister.

"Ooooh" Shay emitted as she ran her pointer finger along the length of the sea cucumber, thrilled by the odd slightly slimy texture.

"Pretty cool huh?" He suggested, bending a little more to press a kiss to Shay's head, glad to have finally found something that made their day out seem worthwhile.

"Slimes-y" Shay replied, her adjective of choice for the animal. She aptly chose spiky for the sea urchin and pointy for the starfish he held up after that, giving Shay a chance to pat each of them before making Ember laugh and squirm as he returned them to the exact spot he'd retrieved them.

Feeling a little more ambitious he chose a hermit crab to show the toddler next, lifting it out of the water and urging the toddler to wait for it to emerge from its shell. When it did Shay shrieked so loudly that she startled Ember, the baby beginning to cry just as the crab started to scuttle across his hand. Shay rushed to warn him that it was escaping and that it could pinch him with its 'pinchers' while Ember only seemed to get louder. Kelly wasn't sure who to react to first, his moment of indecision meant that the crab toppled off his hand, falling back into the water with a plop.

"Shh" Kelly told both girls, Shay complaining about the loss of the crab while Ember grizzled. Shaking off his wet hand he kept hold of Shay as she leaned out to watch the crab cross the bottom of the tank, using the other to pat Ember as he bounced her lightly and kissed the top of her head soothingly.

"Excuse me sir, you're not allowed to handle the animals" A female voice, he assumed belonged to an employee, informed before he even had a chance to look up. "The Touch Tank is for touching, not holding."

Kelly intentionally didn't look up straight away, instead taking a moment to compose himself so his expression didn't give away just how sick of overly precise aquarium employees he was. He'd known there were a few staff enclosed between the other side of the tank and a wall with two closed doors, he had hoped they would keep their distance though, attending the crowd since he was definitely not in the mood after the exchange he'd had at the ticket desk.

"I didn't realise" He offered instead of an apology when he finally straightened, her perfectly pressed blue uniform shirt contrasting her dyed bright red hair. "My daughter can't reach the bottom" He tried to explain.

"I understand that, but my supervisor is a stickler for the rules" The employee, Vanessa her name badge read, returned, gesturing over her shoulder at a sign that prohibited handling 'Touch Tank' inhabitants. Kelly accepted that it was a reasonable rule to have in place when it came to the rays and sharks, perhaps the crabs as well, but for the other animals it seemed unnecessary.

"There are a few of those around here… Sorry. I won't do it again" He attempted to amend, not quite sure where he stood with the employee he looked to Shay and hoped he wasn't about to trigger a tantrum. "Let's go see what else we can find princess."

"Sir, wait! **I'm** allowed to handle the animals" Vanessa offered, raising her eyebrows and flashing a smile as if it were a small victory to be able to assist him in breaking the rules.

"Daddy, Arrri-ielllL see, she sea prissecess, sea 'llowed Daddy" Shay said in a rush, keen to stay at the 'Touch Tank' with the woman closely resembling the sea princess Ariel.

"What's she saying?" Vanessa asked him, unable to decipher the toddler's jumbled words.

"She thinks you look like Ariel" He answered, rephrasing what the toddler had said completely in order to offer what he hoped would be taken as a compliment. Thinking only of Shay and the fun she was having learning and interacting with the sea life he wanted to keep Vanessa on side.

"Oh, thank you" Vanessa accepted bashfully, casting her eyes to the bottom of the tank as she blushed ever so slightly, seeming to forget that he was simply translating for the toddler. "Do you know what animals you've seen already?" She questioned a moment later, quickly glancing over her shoulder to check that her supervisor wasn't watching them too closely.

"Um… Daddy?" Shay referred the question on, suddenly unsure about the stranger.

"We ah… we looked at the sea cucumber, that orange starfish there and the sea urchin with the longest spikes" He listed, pointing to each of the creatures and hoping he'd identified them correctly using the various signs around the tank.

"And Crabby!" Shay reminded, her favourite if only for his brilliant escape.

"Yeah, I saw him go for a dive."

"I am sorry about that" Kelly was quick to add, feeling bad about the incident even if it did mean Shay had the chance to learn from someone who knew more about the tank's occupants than the signs could tell him.

"They're tough little things, wouldn't survive in here if they weren't. And you clearly have your hands full… all by yourself?" Vanessa seemed to question, waving a hand absently to gesture to the two little girls while she looked him over carefully.

"Mhm" He acknowledged, patting Ember's chest a few times before trading a warning look with Shay who had returned to leaning out over the water, hoping to spot another crab.

"Now, you've chosen a good spot here. Just down there at the edge can you see anything?" Vanessa enquired, pointing to the edge of the tank right in front of her knees, wobbly and obscured by the water and layers of glass.

"What can you see Shay?" Kelly prompted when the toddler didn't reply. Her blue eyes widened and her pout appeared.

"Daddy" Shay whined in response to his urging gestures, Kelly was desperate for the toddler to say something to the woman kind enough to want to help them enjoy the activity. But Shay wasn't having any of it, instead turning in and pressing her head against his leg, hiding away in a shy response he wasn't sure he'd ever really seen before.

"It's okay, she's trying to show you something. Have a look just down there" He coaxed as he turned the toddler around, spotting movement and instantly making out the animal in question.

"Wha' 'tis it?" Shay murmured, unable to distinguish the movement from the sandy surroundings.

"This is my favourite animal in here, can you see him now? He's very well camouflaged" Vanessa explained as she lowered her hand slowly down into the water, keen to show off to the curious little girl.

"'Im play hide-seek?" Shay suggested, leaning out a little further to try to get a better look.

"Yeah he's hiding" Vanessa explained as she rapidly thrust her hand into the sand, lifting it away an eight legged creature was revealed. "His name is Riccardo and he's an octopus" She shared proudly, letting the animal curl his tentacles around her hand and fingers. It darkened to match her skin tone, really only the size of her hand.

"Ocopus!" Shay exclaimed, not sure where the animal had come from but pleased that it had.

"Doesn't he eat the crabs? We just watched one back there…" Kelly asked, pointing with a thumb over his shoulder back in the direction of the maze navigating octopus.

"Good question!" Vanessa cheered out of habit, giving him an apologetic look the moment she realised how patronising it had sounded. "Riccardo doesn't eat the crabs in here for a number of reasons. He's very well fed, he goes into his own tank each night…" She began.

"Bedtime?" Shay asked, imagining the octopus listening to a bedtime story and curling up under Frozen themed covers just as she did each night.

"Yeah, he has a tank for sleeping in. He's also afraid of the sharks and rays so he hides in the rocks most of the time, except when there are lots of people poking their hands around. And most importantly he's too small to eat most of the crabs in here" Vanessa justified finally, something that was obvious to Kelly once he'd gotten a better look at the alien little creature.

"'cado ocopus baby?" Shay enquired then.

"Hmm?" Vanessa sought, looking from the little girl to her father.

"Is Riccardo a baby octopus?" Kelly translated easily, wondering if Vanessa really couldn't work out what the toddler was saying or if she was just trying to include him.

"No, he's actually in retirement out here" Vanessa informed, wriggling her fingers to make the octopus change position.

"How long do they usually live for?" Kelly asked, if she was more interested in teaching him than Shay he would just have to ask some of the million questions he knew were racing through his daughter's mind.

"Sadly not very long, most don't make it a year" She provided simply, not sure the toddler would have much of an understanding of death but careful regardless.

"Oh" Kelly accepted, surprised and a little saddened to think they had such short lifespans.

"You want to touch him?" Vanessa asked, looking at Kelly though Shay immediately thought she was being addressed.

"Peease" The toddler nodded eagerly, waiting until Vanessa's hand was close enough that she could reach down and stroke the octopus.

"So he's fully grown?" Kelly asked, trying to keep the conversation going as he helped his small daughter, holding her around the waist as she fearlessly stroked the octopus.

"Yes, he's a dwarf octopus, they only live about six months" Vanessa put forward, using her second hand to catch a flailing tentacle so that Riccardo didn't end up attached to the toddler.

"What is six months Daddy?" Shay withdrew her hand to ask very clearly.

"Ah…" Kelly murmured, trying to think of the best way to put it in perspective for the toddler who had very little concept of time.

"How old is she?" Vanessa asked, looking to the baby on his chest, contentedly sucking her fist.

"Five months… A month longer that Emmy's been with us bub" Kelly explained, feeling pressured to utilize her suggestion though he was sure he'd have been able to think of an example that would actually mean something to the toddler with a little more time.

"Him slippy, you touch Daddy!" Shay encouraged, having forgotten her question as she returned to patting the octopus.

"He's not going to bite is he?" Kelly questioned, just a little hesitant.

"No… probably not" Vanessa teased with a soft laugh, eyes twinkling as she looked into his for a good few seconds.

"Probably?" Kelly clarified uncertainly, suddenly wondering if it was even safe for his daughter to be touching. He'd seen an octopus, admittedly more than twice the size, obliterate a crab.

"Scared?" She challenged, eyes narrowing before she bit her lip and raised her eyebrows in a smirk. Before Kelly had a chance to respond Vanessa had taken his hand and was guiding it into the water, her delicate fingers hot against his skin. "I won't let him hurt you" She assured softly, stroking her thumb across the back of his hand comfortingly.

"No" Kelly finally managed, a hoarse croak that barely made it out of his desert dry mouth. Swiftly pulling his hand free he touched the octopus with a fingertip then withdrew his hand completely, wiping it dry against his jeans. It was more than just water he was trying to get rid of, it was the overwhelming feeling of betrayal as well. Since Vanessa had appeared he hadn't once thought of his wife.

It could have been a completely innocent gesture, had Kelly not shifted the frown he'd assumed and looked up into her dark grey eyes. No qualifications were needed to determine what was as good as written across her face, attraction given away by her alluring look, a touch of hesitance because of his reaction but determination too. Vanessa gave him a half smile, eyelashes fluttering as she tilted her head in a questioning look.

"I can give you a… private tourrr" She purred, timing each word carefully, drawing the last out to emphasise the movements of her tongue and lips. A number of things suddenly became very clear to Kelly, she wasn't just being friendly but more importantly she was trying to manipulate him; playing on his desire for his daughters to have a fun and educational day in order to tempt him toward unfaithfulness. Reflecting on their conversation he concluded it wasn't the first statement with a double meaning she'd made, he'd simply dismissed it as overfriendliness. Surely she didn't seriously believe he would take her up on her offer. Kelly didn't even need to think on her proposition, thumb rotating his wedding band as he looked up at her.

"No thank you" He denied flatly, jaw set as he observed the change in her body language, disbelief followed closely by anger at having been rejected. Satisfied she had gotten the message he looked down to his eldest daughter, giving her a comforting look. Shay had lost interest in the octopus when she'd sensed the mood change, tension filling the air she had chosen to watch on silently. Kelly was very glad Shay was looking at him because if she'd seen Vanessa fling Riccardo roughly into the water, as could through his peripheral vision, she would have been upset.

Scooping up the toddler he positioned her on the opposite hip to the diaper bag, careful not to interfere with Ember, he turned and walked away without looking back. It was a pleasant coincidence then that they made their way to the amphitheatre where the midday seal show was about to begin. His wife featured heavily in his thoughts for the duration of the show, interrupted only briefly by Shay cheering and clapping to evidence her enjoyment. Kelly did his best to enjoy the exhibits between the seals and the shark tunnel but when Shay started falling asleep against his shoulder he knew he would have to communicate what he was feeling.

"Shay" He whispered to get her attention, her head lolled to the side, drowsy eyes leaving the shark swimming above them to look at him.

"Mmm" She murmured in acknowledgement, almost elbowing her little sister as she moved her arm to grip his shirt in her hand.

"We can come back another day…" He began, adjusting his hold on his girls as the travelator he stood on juddered around the corner.

"Mhm… Mama" Shay agreed, even half asleep it was very obvious to the toddler what was going on.

"Yeah, let's go home and see how Mama's doing. We can have lunch and a nap there okay" He reasoned softly, stepping off the travelator as they neared the exit. It took a few minutes to navigate out of the aquarium but they eventually found their way out to the car park and to their car. Kelly carefully secured Shay and then Ember in their car seats, kissing their foreheads before closing the doors and opening his own. It was to be a quiet drive home, both girls fast asleep before he even got out of the parking lot.

**Just a few notes at the end of this very long awaited chapter:**

**I have nothing against aquarium employees though this chapter might make it seem like I do with Vanessa and the ticket lady.**

**I love Octopi, my birthday cake was even shaped like one last year! But I also know it isn't realistic to keep one in a 'Touch Tank'… That's purely creative licence. **

**I know the dialogue between Kelly and Vanessa is awful, I kept being interrupted as I was trying to write it so it's pretty disjointed. At this point I just wanted to get it posted. I'll come back and cringe at it some other time :/**

**Next update is likely a few days away and will hopefully be coming to you from Perth. I wish it was different but I'm doing my best and appreciate your understanding at this chaotic time. **


	206. Chapter 206

**Long-time no see, please enjoy:**

Kelly had never been particularly good at multitasking but in the last twenty hours he'd certainly been getting plenty of practice. Tipping the sticky, melted electrolyte ice block down the sink while scrolling through contacts on his phone and reading the instructions on the back of the tin of formula. Returning from the aquarium he had been committed to handling everything himself, though by the time Chase had arrived home from shift he was more than happy to hand over the girls so he could focus on his wife. Erin remained terribly unwell, her fever had returned with a vengeance and she was still unable to move for fear of the intense nausea that consistently resulted.

"Oh shit" He cursed openly a moment later, missing the handle on the kettle and instead grasping at the hot metal surface. Flicking on the tap he dangled his fingers in the stream of cool water, sighing as the pain eased but also as he considered the way everything that could go wrong was. A conclusion he'd come to even before Ember started to fuss, from sleeping to grizzling then wailing in only a few seconds.

"Sorry bubba, you're alright" Kelly hushed, swaying a little and dropping the phone in order to pat the taut fabric of the sling where the baby was resting. He continued to comfort her as he re-read the instructions on the tin of formula, it would only be her fourth bottle of the stuff and he wasn't yet confident to make it without double checking the quantities. Scooping, pouring and shaking were followed by testing the temperature of the watery liquid on the inside of his wrist. Only then was he satisfied to slip the silicone teat into his daughter's mouth, silencing her and allowing him to redirect his focus.

A line of ants were already marching their way across the kitchen bench for the ice block wrapper so Kelly made sure to dispose of it before selecting the right contact, tucking the dialling phone between his ear and shoulder. It was an admission of defeat but having had only a few hours of sleep in between cleaning up vomit and standing in cold showers he was eager to call for help.

"Hello?" A voice questioned, all too cheerfully for sleep deprived Kelly.

"Gabby, hey" He greeted in response, sinking onto the couch and taking the phone in his hand once he'd adjusted his hold of Ember and the bottle she was greedily draining.

"Kelly, what's up?" Gabby asked, the hour alone giving away the fact that it wasn't a social call.

"I need some medical advice, Erin's sick and I've been googling it and I think I might need to get her to a hospital…" Kelly explained, not sure the time he'd spent on his phone while watching his wife had been productive.

"What sort of sick are we talking?" Gabby enquired, keen to get more information since she could hear the concern and exhaustion in her friend's voice.

"She has a fever and she's vomiting, a lot" He provided, a flashback of the previous afternoon overwhelming his mind. The morning at the aquarium had definitely been a bad idea, returning home to find his wife unconscious and covered in slowly drying vomit, Kelly had been alarmed to think she could easily have choked or drowned in the strong smelling bodily fluid.

"How long has it been?" Gabby repeated when he didn't answer, she suspected he was remembering something and hoped to snap him out of it.

"Uh…Since early yesterday morning. She hasn't been able to keep anything down" He replied simply, watching as milk dribbled from the corner of Ember's mouth and down his wrist.

"Anything at all?" Gabby sought to clarify, allowing a hint of concern to creep into her voice.

"Not even a sip of water. She's dehydrated but I can't do anything about it without making her sick" He justified, wishing he'd been able to do more, or at least sooner.

"And the fever? What temp are we talking?" She requested, having no doubt they would own a thermometer and that he would have used it.

"It was 103 before a cold shower at quarter to seven, 101 twenty minutes ago and probably rising again now" He answered, holding the phone with his shoulder again as he checked his watch. Using his free hand to mop up the trickle of milk with the grey fabric of the sling at the same time, so far beyond caring that it would need to be washed as a result.

"Is she even conscious?" Gabby asked, more than concerned, a high fever combined with more than twenty-four hours of vomiting was a recipe for all sorts of complications, dehydration just the tip of the iceberg.

"Barely…" He admitted, feeling absolutely dreadful, the only reason he knew she was conscious was because she'd been groaning every few minutes. A sound that made his heart ache, knowing she was in pain and that there was nothing he could do about it. "It's bad isn't it? Should I take her in to Med?" He questioned then, the light on the baby monitor flickering from the coffee table to confirm his answer.

"Can you do that? Have you got someone to watch the girls? Because I can be there in ten minutes with some IV fluids" Gabby offered hastily.

"Really? You'd do that?" Kelly checked, while he did have someone to watch the girls the last thing he wanted to do was go anywhere near a hospital. It was an absolute last resort but with Erin the way she was he suspected it was only a matter of time.

"Of course" She assured, already figuring out how she was going to get access to the resources she would need.

"That'd be great, I'll leave the door unlocked, just come straight upstairs" Kelly instructed, tipping the bottle to an extreme angle so that Ember could finish the last of the formula.

"Alright. And Kelly don't worry too much, it sounds like the stomach bug that's going around, the hospital is packed because of it but it's just a virus. If we can treat the symptoms she'll be fine" Gabby comforted, suspecting it was something he needed to hear.

"Okay, thanks Gab" Kelly finished, putting aside the bottle as he stood up. There was somewhere else he needed to be, the flickering had turned to a steady glow and yet again sounds of retching and vomiting were being transmitted by the baby monitor.

"See you soon" Gabby added, though she wasn't quite sure he was still there, a beep signifying the end of the call just as she finished. Kelly tucked the phone into his pocket as he made his way up the stairs, already taking Ember out of the sling in preparation for putting her in her pram. He'd set it up as an improvised crib in Shay's room, just to make sure the girls weren't in contact with their mother and at risk of becoming ill. Shay thought it was a brilliant idea though she quickly vacated her room in favour of her brother's when Ember had started crying in the night. Kelly had fallen into a routine at that point, washing his hands every few minutes and making his way back and forth between the rooms as their needs dictated, venturing downstairs to make bottles on occasion.

"Alright chubba-bubba you're full and your diaper's dry, no reason not to sleep okay" Kelly reasoned with the infant, laying her down and tucking the blanket around her before bending to kiss her cheek. Scooping her toy elephant up off the floor he placed it beside her before leaving the room, hoping she wouldn't fuss too much though he was determined to facilitate her learning to self-soothe.

It was no surprise that Kelly didn't want to go back into their bedroom, able to hear his wife's spluttering coughs from the moment he stepped out of Shay's room. At the other end of the hall he could hear Shay and Chase, likely just waking up, a much more inviting option though he knew there was no real choice. Moving slowly and purposefully he sat at the edge of the bed and began rubbing her back, gentle circles letting her know he was there and giving his hands something to do.

"Not feeling any better than?" He posed rather uselessly, using his other hand to tuck some hair that had fallen loose behind her ear.

"Uhhh" Erin moaned, almost tipping the container onto herself as she slumped back to the bed, rubbing her mouth against the towel covering her pillow before sighing. Kelly couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her eyes but as her breathing calmed he hoped she was getting some sleep. There really wasn't much in the container to empty but it gave him something to do so he got up and washed it, along with his hands, returning it just in time. Erin didn't bother to prop herself on an elbow that time, instead just rotating her head and tipping the container slightly as she gagged. The back of her shirt was damp with sweat and Kelly was just reaching for the thermometer to check her temperature when Gabby arrived. If that was ten minutes sleep deprivation had severely damaged his ability to tell time.

"Hey" Gabby greeted, just above a whisper, dropping a bag that looked identical to those carried by Ambulance 61 to the floor beside the bed.

"Hey" Kelly returned, relief flooding his system to be able to shift some of the responsibility of caring for his wife to someone more qualified. Even with Chase doing his best to help out with the girls it had still been a lot to manage.

"Good to see you but I was talking to Erin" Gabby teased as she neared, setting a comforting hand on his shoulder as she looked down at her patient. She would have sworn Erin was green, her skin tinted a sickly shade, dark circles under her sunken eyes, hair sweat-stuck to her forehead, all very obvious signs that all was not well.

"Sorry" Kelly mumbled, shifting out from under her hand and up from the bed, keeping an eye on his wife who had settled for the time being.

"Don't be, how is she?" Gabby asked, turning away from the seemingly sleeping woman to confer with her husband and carer.

"Vomiting again, she did sleep for a bit, I was about to check her temp" He explained, pointing to the thermometer on the bedside table and taking a half step as he tried to get to it.

"I can do it, take a break" Gabby suggested, the smell of vomit lingering despite the clean sheets and towel already starting to get to the steel-stomached paramedic.

"Mm" He acknowledged, with no intention of going anywhere.

"Erin?" Gabby began softly, taking Kelly's place at the edge of the bed before feeling the unconscious woman's forehead. It was slicked with sweat and Gabby almost immediately regretted the move, taking the thermometer instead. It beeped a moment later and again read 101, higher than it was supposed to be but stable at least. "Erin! Open your eyes if you can hear me" Gabby requested. "Erin?!" She tried again when there was no response. "Come on, wake up for me ERIN."

"Ugh?" Erin grumbled when a firm tap to her cheek roused her from the strange semi-conscious state she'd been in. Cracking open her eyes she could hardly make out Gabby her vision was so burry, blinking didn't help, eyes so dry and gritty that she was forced to keep them close.

"How are you feeling?" Gabby asked, loud and clear.

"Shit" Erin conceded, raising her hand to rub at her eyes, clenching her teeth against the nausea that surfaced at even the minimal movement.

"Nauseous?"

"Mhm" She breathed, answer accompanied by the slightest nod, fighting hard not to be sick again.

"Well I think you've probably got a stomach bug, there's one going around at the moment, but I know for sure that you're dehydrated so unless you want to go to hospital I'm going to set up an IV… or two" Gabby proposed, it was the exact same procedure being used on the hundreds of people filling Chicago's hospitals with the same illness.

"No… hospital" Erin murmured seriously, opening her eyes again and pointing them in what she hoped was the right direction as she gave a determined look. Despite feeling absolutely atrocious she wasn't quite at the point where she would willingly go to hospital, not for a stomach bug.

"Thought you'd say that" Gabby smiled as she turned to look at Kelly. "Pass me the bag of saline."

"This one?" He asked, unzipping the first aid kit and taking out the bag on the left.

"No the other one, might use that one next though. I'll need to check her blood sugar first" Gabby thought aloud as she accepted the correct bag, double checking the label before unravelling the clear plastic tubing. "Erin, you're pretty dehydrated so finding a vein is going to be hard, just hang in there for me."

"Mm" Erin accepted wordlessly, eager to be rid of the disgusting feeling that was nausea, a fever and borderline severe dehydration.

"Are you sure there isn't a better way?" Kelly checked a moment latter, watching as Gabby made a third attempt to get the needle into the barely visible vein in the back of Erin's hand.

"Hospital?" Gabby put forward as the only other option, even though she considered herself as good as most nurses.

"No" Erin argued instantly, she would honestly rather stab herself in the hand a hundred times in search of the vein than go to hospital for a stomach bug. After a fifth attempt Gabby sat back to reassess the situation, having little luck with the back of the hand she suggested the elbow. Erin was quick to agree, thrusting her arm forward and scooting down the bed so that Gabby had better access. The nausea swelled with the movement and just as the tip of the needle slipped into place she was forced to pull away.

"Oh" Gabby half complained, holding the needle well clear as Erin rolled slightly to empty her stomach. It was more retching and gagging than actually expelling anything but it was still painful and frustrating to them all. Gabby comforted Erin then helped her lay back, reinserting and taping the IV in place without hesitation, she adjusted the flow accordingly then hung the bag of fluid from the bedside lamp.

"There you go" Kelly comforted, moving to his side of the bed and taking his wife's other hand, hoping the effect was quick enough that he didn't have to watch her vomit again.

"At least I don't have to prick your finger for this" Gabby offered as she dug around in the bag and pulled out a blood glucose meter, using a droplet of blood from the back of Erin's hand instead. "Hm."

"What?" He questioned, the sound indicating that Erin's blood sugar level wasn't right either.

"She's going to need both, she's doing well to be conscious and coherent" Gabby explained, pulling out the second bag, an intravenous sugar solution.

"What's the difference?" Kelly enquired, no matter how much he trusted Gabby he still wanted to know what she was doing.

"That's saline, this is saline with dextrose, sugar, it'll help her get some energy since she hasn't been eating" Gabby explained as she prepared the bag.

"Oh okay" He accepted.

"Reckon I can get it in first try this time?" Gabby asked as she ran the alcohol swab over the inside of Erin's elbow.

"I…gon-be…sick" Erin managed to communicate as she again grasped for the container.

"That's it… Once this is running I'll get you something for the nausea, and once that's under control we'll get on top of the fever as well" Gabby comforted as she rubbed Erin's back, thinking dry clothing would probably be a good idea as well.

"Thanks" She sighed when a few minutes later she was able to relax again.

"Don't mention it" Gabby protested as she sunk the needle into the vein. "Done."

"So how do we stop the vomiting?" Kelly urged, keen for his wife to recover as quickly as possible.

"I have some medicine in here…" Gabby answered as she dug through her bag.

"She can't take tablets, they come straight back up" He warned, grateful for everything she was doing but still cautious.

"They're wafers, Zofran, they're absorbed orally, very effective" Gabby explained as she popped one of the wafers from a sheet that looked just like ordinary tablets. "Pop this in under your tongue, it'll dissolve, tastes pretty bad from memory but they work quickly enough."

"Mhm" Erin acknowledged, carrying out the instructions before closing her eyes and gritting her teeth against the gag reflex triggered by putting something in her mouth. It was a tense minute and a half while they waited for the wafer to dissolve and be absorbed but immediately after the difference was felt. Erin was finally able to move without vomiting, though the two IV tubes limited her range of motion.

Kelly just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep, knowing his wife was okay for the first time in more than a day. If he'd had any idea how stressful an unwell spouse was he'd never have let himself get hurt, he certainly would be doing everything in his power to prevent it ever happening again.

**Hope this was an alright resolution though realistically I have no idea how Gabby would have gotten her hands on a restricted drug…That's the magic of fiction folks :D  
**

**P.S – If you think driving 4600kms in 72hrs is a good idea think again (admittedly there were two drivers) but add a dog and a cat in the car and it was certainly an ambitious journey. Australia is a big country and I am very glad to finally be on the western side of it, though I'm still settling in and learning my way around. **

**I'll have more time for writing in the coming weeks and I'm hoping to get Erin back to work before the uni semester starts back so I'll see you again soon. **


	207. Chapter 207

Kelly watched as a half smile appeared on his wife's sleeping face, woken only seconds earlier by her tugging the covers away from him as she rolled to face him. She was starting to look normal again, improve, colour visible in her cheeks even in the soft light. Even with Gabby's intervention it had been a long time coming. Erin had gradually gotten worse all afternoon, her temperature rising to alarming levels as she fought the virus. The battle had come to an end just before midnight when her temperature finally stabilized to within normal ranges.

They were both exhausted as a result, sleeping for a solid nine hours. Upon realising such Kelly began to wonder how he hadn't been woken already, by either Shay or Ember, surely they too were awake. Sparkling green eyes distracted him, no longer unfocused or bloodshot, just his beautiful wife finally herself again. "Hey" He greeted in a husky whisper, returning her smile as he reached across to cup her cheek, warm and soft, exactly how it was supposed to be.

"Hey" She returned, smile widening as she realised she no longer felt like she was riding a rollercoaster on a boat during rough weather after drinking a curdled milkshake.

"How are you feeling?" Kelly enquired, stroking his thumb back and forth across her cheek. Erin's eyes shone and she let out a tiny laugh before answering.

"Hungry." As soon as the word left her lips she was tossing back the covers and scrambling to her feet. She looked over what she was wearing, a long grey and blue t-shirt that once belonged to her husband but had been repurposed as a nightgown months earlier, something she had absolutely no memory of putting on. She looked back as if to ask if he was coming, noticing the fresh sheets as well, then padded her way out of the room.

Kelly poked one foot out to the side then the other as he slid from the warmth reluctantly, he wouldn't mind another nine or ten hours of uninterrupted sleep. Groaning softly to himself he tried to rub feeling into his face as he made to follow his wife. By the time he reached the bedroom door she was already out of sight down the stairs. Diverted toward Shay's half closed bedroom door by curiosity he wasn't sure what he expected to see.

Peeking through the gap between door and doorframe he saw Shay first, laying in her bed with her knees bent up to support the book she was reading to herself. Or that was what he thought until a little foot kicked out from behind the book, followed by the unmistakable cooing of their baby. He didn't want to think how Shay had gotten Ember, who weighed close to half as much as she did, out of the pram, across the room and up onto the bed. It was precious to see them together like that though so he decided to leave them be, at least until he had a bottle in hand.

Entering the kitchen after stumbling down the stairs he discovered his wife stuffing a slice of bread into her mouth. The loaf was open on the bench and he suspected it was the first food she had seen when entering the kitchen. She seemed to be chewing rapidly only to make room for more, tearing off a remaining corner and adding it as well. "Woah, hey, slowdown" Kelly ordered, taking the last of the slice she still held, just less than a quarter of its original size.

"I haven't eaten… in like days" Erin justified through her mouthful of bread, still chewing away. She swallowed hard then grabbed for the bread in his hand, too slow to catch it she resorted to giving him a big, sad eyed look.

"I'll make you a proper breakfast okay? Pancakes?" He offered, giving her an apologetic look as he dropped the scrap of bread into the bin. Erin was glad he hadn't realised it wasn't her first slice of bread.

"Bacon?" She requested instead. "A bacon sandwich… and a slice of peanut butter toast" She listed, smiling dreamily at the thought. The idea of consuming five slices of bread just for breakfast didn't faze her she was so hungry. "Please" She added as an afterthought when she stopped fantasizing about food long enough to look him in the eye.

"Alright. I'll get onto that. Why don't you make yourself a cup of tea while you wait?" He suggested. Gabby's advice had been toast and sweet tea if Erin still wasn't feeling well in the morning and while she was definitely feeling better he thought it best to at least attempt to comply. At the very least bread and tea wouldn't be too painful to vomit, assuming she'd chewed well, if she did resume vomiting.

"Yeah" Erin agreed with a keen nod, she would rather continue to gorge herself on bread but tried to be reasonable and exercise some restraint. She was pleasantly surprised to find that there was already enough water in the kettle, pressing the button to boil it then gathering a mug and tea bag, one of her favourite herbal varieties. It wasn't until she reached for the sugar jar that she saw the metal tin.

Kelly had busied himself making breakfast at the rush to appease his wife and couldn't immediately identify the sound. He swiftly spun around to try to locate the origin of the noise, a rough sob of anguish and despair. "Er?" He questioned, dropping everything as he moved to be at her side. The tin of formula came into view as he did, as did the way she was holding it, tipping it up to see the front with cautious fingertips, as if it were poisonous. His eyes found her face, the tears flowing in steady streams down her cheeks.

"Baby" He offered softly, placing a hand in the middle of her back, not sure how best to respond. She had been so strong, sure she'd screwed up her face a few times, been right on the verge of tears, but even when her body was rebelling against her she hadn't cried. A tin of formula her undoing.

"Ba-by" She sobbed in reply, shoving the tin away harshly before turning into his chest, hiding her face against the familiar warmth. Taking handfuls of his shirt and twisting the fabric tight as she cried.

"Shh-sh-sh" Kelly tried to comfort, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close as her body shook with raw emotion he couldn't immediately understand. To him it was just a tin of formula, one he'd had Chase pick up at the pharmacy since they'd run out of breast milk, lactose free and the most expensive since they all wanted nothing but the best for little Ember. Trying to think about it from his wife's perspective yielded greater understanding, it wasn't that they had used formula, it was that they had had to. "Er, she's fine. They're both fine. Once you've had something to eat…"

"…'bandon…" Was all Kelly could make out of her interjection, a word that made him hold her even tighter.

"You did not abandon them" He said firmly, wanting to make it very clear that it was a ridiculous thought. "You were sick. You're better now, and they can't wait to see you, they missed you so much. Your immune system fought really hard, for them, to get you back to being their Mama. They're in Shay's room, go up and say good morning" He instructed, suspecting their daughters' reaction to seeing her would be all she needed to forgive herself. For what he wasn't entirely sure, not when she had been the one to sacrifice so they didn't get sick.

Erin didn't need any further incentive, wiping her eyes on his shirt as she released him, looking up at him with big, watery thankful eyes. Kelly held her face in both hands, running a thumb over each cheek before pressing his lips to hers for a brief moment of reassurance. Her hunger completely forgotten she went back upstairs at the same rate she had descended, eager to hold her girls again.

"Mama!" Shay squeaked as her bedroom door swung open to reveal her mother, the toddler hurried to sit up straight and put the book aside. Had it not been for her little sister, squirming around beside her she would have gotten up and rushed into her mother's arms.

"Good morning" Erin greeted, taking a seat at the edge of the bed she hugged Shay, keeping a hand flat on Ember's stomach to stop the baby rolling.

"Mama, was you sicky-bear?" Shay enquired, so happy to have her mother back that she didn't think carefully about her word choices.

"I was sick, but I feel better now" She explained, nuzzling her cheek against Shay's forehead before kissing her softly.

"All betta?!" Shay asked excitedly, she'd quickly learned that having a sick mother was no fun at all.

"Yeah, I'm all better. How are you?" Erin asked, brushing Shay's wild hair back from her face so they could look at each other more easily.

"I no sicky" Shay informed, that was the most important thing, at least according to her father over the last few days.

"That's good" She accepted, smiling because she wasn't either.

"Daddy saided you frewed all you guts up" Shay shared then, reaching up to pat her mother's cheek comfortingly because if nothing else the toddler was incredibly compassionate toward others.

"Mm, feels like it" She murmured, shifting Shay in her lap so that she could look at Ember. "How did you sleep? Are you hungry? Have you had breakfast?" Erin questioned, feeling completely out of touch with her responsibilities as a parent.

"Maaa!" Shay complained, shaking her head before cuddling against her mother, everything else could wait.

"Sorry baby, I just missed you" Erin apologised, making an effort to just enjoy the hug, the simplicity of which she had craved whilst unwell.

"Me miss 'oo more Mama" Shay competed, cheek pressed against her mother's breast she turned her chin up to give a cheeky grin. Erin smiled back before screwing up her face and leaning down for an eskimo kiss.

"I love you Shay" She breathed softly, letting her forehead rest against Shay's for a beat before straightening.

"Love ya Mama" Shay returned, kissing her fingers before reaching up to press them against her mother's cheek.

"How's Emmy?" Erin asked after a long pause, just holding Shay, convinced the toddler had grown again. She was certainly becoming more mature each and every day, not even three years old but highly communicative, intuitive and autonomous.

"I love my sissy-Emmy. I bin readin' her… and she kicked me!" Shay giggled, reaching around behind herself to grasp her little sister's foot. Ember squealed and tucked her leg up to pull her foot free, grabbing onto it with both of her own hands so she could bring it to her mouth to suck.

"Did she really? Do you think she meant to?" Erin questioned, wriggling her fingers to tickle Ember's stomach before stroking a fingertip down the back of her bare leg. Both actions made the baby laugh but the foot in her mouth garbled the sounds.

"She baby, baby 'llowed kick 'cause she stretchin' her leggies" Shay explained, crawling off her mother's lap and almost roughly yanking the foot from Ember's mouth. Keeping Ember's ankle in her hand she pulled the baby's leg out straight to demonstrate stretching it.

"Oh, okay. Do you think she's hungry?" She enquired as she watched Ember fight her big sister to get her foot back up to her mouth. Shay released her grip at the question, sitting back from the baby and giving her mother a conflicted look.

"Mama… Daddy maked milks…" Shay informed slowly and cautiously, as if she were delivering bad news.

"Mmm, I know" Erin nodded, still feeling betrayed no matter how illogical she knew that was.

"Em-bear does not like them milks, you gives her you boob now please" Shay requested seriously, rising up onto her knees so she could jab her mother's breast with a finger.

"Mhm" She agreed, pushing away the toddler's hand because it wasn't a behaviour she really wanted to encourage. "Good morning Em" She greeted as she lifted her baby daughter, concerned when she couldn't feel a difference in size or weight the way she had with Shay. It just proved to her how bad the formula was, how her being sick had starved the baby, how she had abandoned and neglected Ember.

"Wait!" Shay demanded, causing her mother to freeze with Ember held under the arms, out from her body.

"What is it?" She asked as the toddler tried to reach into the small space between her mother and her sister, snaking both hands up.

"Em want dis one" Shay declared after analysing her mother's breasts with a firm squeeze to each. If Erin hadn't had her hands full she would have been able to stop the toddler, since she couldn't she had to bear the unexpected pain.

"Shay, I don't need help with that" Erin assured, not wanting to upset the toddler by telling her off any more strongly. "Why don't you head downstairs and see if Daddy needs help making breakfast" She suggested, she didn't want to get rid of Shay as such but she did want to spend some quiet time feeding Ember, something the toddler would likely find boring.

"No Mama… I stay! I read you-Emmy-bear-love-you!" Shay whined, wrapping her arms around her mother and sister when her mother drew the baby in against her chest.

"Shay, please" She urged, pushing away the toddler's hands again. "I need to get dressed and feed Emmy, you can watch cartoons" She attempted to bribe.

"I watch you" Shay insisted with a frown.

"Okay… you can watch" She conceded, understanding that the toddler didn't want to spend any longer apart than they already had. Together the three made their way to the bedroom, Erin glad Shay had stayed when the toddler volunteered to keep her sister from rolling off the bed while their mother changed into something she could wear whilst feeding. The extended period between feeds and Erin's dehydration made it difficult and painful to attempt to satisfy Ember's hunger but she refused to consider the alternative. Seeing the struggle in his wife's eyes Kelly mashed some banana in the time it took them to come downstairs for breakfast, a quiet family meal that left them all full.


	208. Chapter 208

As good as the documentary was, incredible footage accompanied by lulls and swells of orchestral music and the soothing voice of David Attenborough, Kelly wasn't paying any attention to it. Instead he watched his wife, reclining along the couch with her head resting comfortably against the arm. Her hand had been patting Ember's back, the baby lying atop her mother, clutching a breast possessively with both hands as she fed lazily. Ember couldn't possibly still be hungry but as long as she remained awake she wasn't going to stop, even if the patting did.

Erin simply couldn't keep her eyes open, something she found exceedingly frustrating both because she was so tired and because she had hardly done anything to warrant such exhaustion. She had put on one load of washing, sheets, towels and pyjamas she'd dirtied over the last few days, and taken a shower. The rest of her morning had been spent sitting around; watching from the back stairs as Kelly and the girls played in the yard then waiting at the dining room table while he made lunch. They'd migrated to the lounge room after eating and settled on the couch watching the documentary right before the intense fatigue hit.

Kelly wasn't sure his wife realised just how much her body had been through, fighting a serious stomach bug in under forty-eight hours. He knew she was determined but he could see she wasn't going to win this one, her head lolling to the side as sleep overcame her. There was barely time to blink before she jolted awake, blinking rapidly and pushing herself more upright against the arm of the couch. Murmuring something to Ember she shifted the baby a little then looked around. Both Kelly and Shay had their eyes fixed on the television screen, she didn't blame them, the peculiar looking Narwhals forcing her to do a double take before her eyes settled on Shay.

"Ooo-nicorn" Shay repeated after the legendary narrator, hugging her mother's foot to her chest. The toddler was glad to be back in close proximity with her mother, even if it was just feet resting on her lap. At first she hadn't wanted to be greater than arm's length away, her father gradually growing that distance to line of sight. It had allowed them to play in the sandpit, though it had taken Shay some time to relax and enjoy herself after having been on her best big girl behaviour for so long.

Erin closed her eyes, just to rest them she told herself, but the image of Shay remained for a good long while. They might have been apart for longer in the past but she had definitely missed her girl. The warmth of a little hand gripping her big toe and memories of laughter and smiles at the zoo were the last things on her mind as she again drifted to sleep. Kelly's eyes seemed to leave the screen the moment she relaxed, eager to see if she remained asleep any longer the second time around.

"Er?" Kelly asked when after a few minutes she hadn't stirred, hopeful he could encourage her to head upstairs to bed. She probably thought she had spent enough time in bed, not realising the full impact such limited and broken sleep had had. Erin didn't show any signs of having heard him, her head still tipped to the side, eyes closed, lips parted ever so slightly, face and body relaxed.

Kelly was on his feet and at her side before he remembered, in the past carrying her up to bed wouldn't have required a second thought, he was still recovering from a major injury though and was forced to reconsider. If he couldn't carry her he would have to make her comfortable where she was. He paused for a moment to think on how best to achieve that then got to work.

"Daddy!" Shay complained when he stepped between her and the television, blocking her view of the adorable otter pups.

"Sorry" He muttered as he quickly moved from in front of her, retrieving a cushion before darting back again.

"What you doin' an-way?" Shay questioned, her voice sounding loud only because Kelly was especially conscious of his sleeping wife. The toddler was only curious because the documentary had gone to an advert break.

"Mama's asleep" He justified, still holding the pillow because he wasn't quite sure how to get it in place.

"Yeaaaaah?" Shay replied, not quite sure what he was getting at.

"So I'm trying to make her more comfy" Kelly explained, not sure why he was allowing the toddler to dictate what he did.

"No, you 'sturbin' her… and you 'sturb Emmy too Daddy. She will cry. You sits down, no fussin' puh-lease" The toddler requested sensibly, eying her father seriously.

"Shay" He sighed, wishing she hadn't made so much sense. He looked to his wife again, it wasn't as if her position was uncomfortable or likely to leave her with a sore neck or back so he supposed the toddler was right.

"Daddy" Shay returned in the same tone, releasing her mother's foot to reach a hand out to him. She had been getting a lot of practice when it came to comforting gestures, patting, stroking and squeezing. Kelly was quick to take the hand, letting the toddler squeeze two of his fingers before he ran his thumb over the back of her hand.

"Thank you princess, you alright there?" Kelly asked, giving her a little smile before looking to his wife's usually small feet, seeming rather large and heavy on the toddler's lap.

"Mhmm. Back on! You sit down shhh" Shay ordered when a glimpse back to the screen showed the baby otters once again. Kelly didn't want to move between Shay and the television again so he dropped the cushion to the floor and plopped down onto it, leaning back against the couch he was perfectly positioned within reach of his wife and daughters. By the start of the next advert break he had made himself comfortable, extending his legs out under the coffee table, and gotten lost in the wonders of nature being broadcast into their lounge room.

Kelly and Shay were both completely immersed by the time a big brown bear began to amble across the screen, making its way toward a river where salmon were propelling themselves up a waterfall. They couldn't distinguish Ember's grizzling from the sounds the bear was making as it exerted itself in order to catch one of the fish, sloshing through the water they didn't hear her until she began to cry. Shay forgot the bear and the documentary almost instantly, looking to her little sister while her father continued to watch the television.

"It's 'kay Emmy, you 'kay" Shay comforted as she stood up, managing to squeeze one foot between the couch cushion and her mother's side she leaned forward enough to pat the baby's back. "No fussin'!" The toddler urged when she realised her father was still captivated by the hunting bear. "Emmyyyy" Shay whined when the baby didn't comply, pushing herself up on chubby little arms as her cries became louder.

"What's wrong?" Kelly questioned, snapping back to reality as the documentary went to another advert break.

"She ran outta boob-milky Daddy… but it 'kay, I fix" Shay assured as she leaned further, one knee resting against her mother's stomach as she tugged the other side of her mother's singlet down.

"Hey, Shay, no" Kelly was quick to respond, rolling up onto his knees he stilled the toddler's hands as she tried to shove Ember's face against the newly exposed breast.

"That boob empty" Shay hissed, retreating to standing between her mother's legs she wore a severe frown as she watched her father lift the still squalling baby.

"I understand how they work Shay, Emmy isn't hungry" Kelly tried to explain, bouncing the baby in one arm as he straightened his wife's singlet, amazed she had managed to sleep through the commotion.

"She is still too" Shay argued, believing herself an expert when it came to her little sister's behaviour she knew with great certainty what would quiet her the fastest.

"No she's alright, sit down before you wake Mama" He instructed, wanting to give the toddler something to do, even if it only took a second, to give him a chance to concentrate on what he was doing.

"But Emmy hungry for dat boob!" Shay exclaimed more loudly than he would have liked, not that his wife showed any sign of waking, and crossed her arms, refusing to sit down.

"Emmy isn't hungry, she just wants a cuddle" Kelly reasoned, turning away from his wife he cradled Ember in both arms swaying slowly to help calm her.

"I can cuddle-snuggle" Shay volunteered, still convinced she stood a better chance of calming the baby than her father did. He didn't seem to realise that she had been awake with Ember for hours before he had woken, keeping the baby quiet so he could sleep.

"Maybe in a little bit, let me get her settled first" Kelly negotiated, thankful as always that Shay wanted to be included but mindful that Ember's cries could still wake his wife. The toddler seemed to accept what he had said, staying quiet as he sat back down and turned his attention to Ember. As far as he could tell the baby was crying to protest the loss of contact with her mother. Using a technique he had rediscovered only in the last few days he managed to calm her by holding her to his chest, his heartbeat lulling her to sleep.

Content to cuddle the baby and return to watching the documentary Kelly waited until the adverts to look over his shoulder at the toddler. He had intended to see if Shay was waiting or if she had forgotten her offer now that Ember was quiet. He didn't need to look for long to know it was the latter, sort of. "Shay, what are you doing!?" He demanded, alarmed, head swivelling around to see that he hadn't woken his wife before his eyes returned to the toddler.

"Why I no gots boobs Daddy?" Shay questioned without looking up, she had pulled at the collar of her shirt so she could look down it and was prodding her flat chest with the other hand.

"That's just not how it works Shay, you're only a little girl" Kelly tried to explain, still not over the shock of seeing and hearing such things from his little girl.

"I am big girl!" Shay contested fiercely, pulling a face.

"You're two, two year olds just don't…" He began only to trail off, not sure it was even worth the argument or explanation, she was only two.

"Why?" Shay asked in typical two year old fashion.

"Because" Kelly answered in an attempt to end the conversation there.

"'Cause why?" Shay pressed, unwilling to let it go mostly because she could sense her father was somewhat uncomfortable.

"Because you only get them when you grow up" Kelly provided, telling himself that this was an inevitable part of fatherhood.

"How?" Shay sought next.

"They start growing, when you're like…thirteen?" He replied uncertainly, thinking back to his school days.

"Is that next year?" The toddler asked seriously, her concept of time still under development he knew a year was the longest unit of time she was familiar with.

"Not quite, a little longer than that" He informed, filled with gratitude because if this was what the two year old was like he really wasn't ready for a teenage Shay.

"But why does they… why does they do that Daddy?" Shay questioned, curiosity written across her distinctly toddler features.

"It's part of growing up" He justified simply, not seeing a need for any more detail.

"So growed-ups get boobs?" Shay clarified, almost as if she had already identified something wrong with his answer.

"Yes" He nodded.

"Then why you no gots no boobs Daddy?" Shay posed, pursing her lips and narrowing her eyes almost triumphantly.

"I'm a boy, boys don't get them" He revised.

"Yes they do! I seen-ed them" Shay disputed rapidly, crossing her arms just in case he hadn't noticed her attitude.

"That's different" He tried to dismiss, hoping to conclude the conversation on that point.

"How?"

"Well they don't make milk like Mama's. Only girl ones do that" He explained after rubbing a hand over his face, wishing he was the one sleeping so his wife could field these questions more tactfully.

"So girl boobs are better? And I am a girl" Shay pointed out, again giving a triumphant smile.

"Yeah… You're a little girl though" He reminded with a nod and a sigh.

"So I don't gets no boobs and milks" Shay concluded, rubbing her palms down the front of her shirt to flatten it.

"Mhm… Only women with babies get those" Kelly agreed, thinking the conversation over for a full second before the toddler's face creased in confusion at this new revelation.

"No! That's silly" Shay denied outright.

"That's how it works" He assured, again not sure what she had observed to the contrary but certain he was about to find out.

"But no! No it not" Shay continued to disagree while shaking her head. "Nada gotted boobs but she not got a baby or she woulda showed me."

"Nadia has...breasts…but they don't make milk" Kelly resolved.

"Why?" Shay asked, all smugness gone as she tried to understand the distinction he was making.

"Because she doesn't have a baby" He rationalised gently.

"Umkay…" Shay accepted after taking a long time to think on his answer, processing and applying the new information. "You know lots 'bout boobs Daddy, for a boy" She added.

"Uh, thanks" He acknowledged, taking it as a compliment.

"I gon have baby when I firteen and I gets big milky boobs like Mama's, they the best hey Daddy?" Shay declared sometime later, when Kelly had finally cleared his mind enough to get back into the documentary.

"Mm. We'll see" He answered gently, thinking of the statement as a reflection of her innocence.

"Umkay 'cause I maybe want to be a boy when I firteen" Shay accepted sensibly.

"Maybe…" He smiled back at her.

"But that's not 'til af'er next year… that's a long time, more than three days" Shay justified thoughtfully.

"Yep, definitely longer than three days" Kelly guaranteed.

"Maybe next Friday" The toddler proposed optimistically.

"I don't know about that" He had to say, not wanting her to think there was any chance anything like that could happen in the next week.

"SEAL!" Shay shrieked, his comment furthest from her mind as the familiar animal appeared on screen. "Look Daddy! SEAL!" She repeated even more loudly as excitement took over, pointing at the animal in its natural habitat when she had seen one just the other day at the aquarium. "We see-ed seals!"

"SHH!" Kelly hissed, equally as loud as the toddler.

"What's…?" Erin mumbled as she cracked her eyes open and scanned the room.

"SEAL" Shay yelled, jabbing her finger a few times to direct her mother's gaze to the television screen. "SEAL Mama! Like 'QUARIUM."

"Mm" Erin nodded, closing her eyes as she yawned before looking to her husband, her hand coming up automatically when she saw he held Ember.

"Oh no!" Shay gasped when she remembered, both parents watching intently as the toddler crawled across the couch towards Erin, bursting into tears right before she flopped down on top of her mother.

"Shay?" Erin questioned, still feeling a little disoriented to have just woken up.

"What's wrong?" Kelly added, extending a hand out to rest on the toddler's back as he twisted around to centre them in his field of vision.

"…Mama…" Was all Shay managed to communicate clearly, pressing her face firmly against her mother's stomach.

"Mama's better now, Mama's okay" Erin comforted, not sure why she was referring to herself in third person.

"No! You…Mama no 'quarium" Shay cried, clearly distressed to realise her mother had missed out on seeing the seals and other fun animals.

"Oh, that's okay. I don't mind" She assured, pulling the toddler further up to hold her in a hug.

"Mama's been to the aquarium before" Kelly asserted confidently, shocked then at the almost imperceptible shake of her head. He couldn't stop his eyes widening and was glad the toddler was still snuggled to her mother's chest. Erin shrugged but Kelly shook his head and frowned, thinking about the mother and son they'd met at the ticket desk then considering his wife's childhood. "We'll go again. What do you think Shay, should we take Mama to the aquarium?"

"Yeah" The toddler replied instantly, giving her father a smile before hugging her mother back.

"I'd like that" Erin agreed quietly, kissing Shay on the head then looking to her husband. Kelly was glad for the smile on her face but could see the pain in her glistening eyes, determined to give her another day like the one they'd shared at the zoo.

**Sorry for the delay, I'm starting to settle in, hopefully this was okay. Thanks for reading :D **


	209. Chapter 209

"Are you driving?" Kelly asked, holding out the car keys for his wife, suspecting she had forgotten to grab them in the inevitable moment of chaos that proceeded any departure.

"I thought you would" Erin shrugged, pushing his hand and the keys back towards him with a flat palm.

"I will" Hank volunteered unexpectedly, seizing the keys before Kelly had a chance to close his hand around them, pushing past the couple the older man missed the look they exchanged. Hank proceeded to the door, opening it early such that the chaos spilled out onto their front landing, Shay hopping after him as she tried to get her second shoe on while dragging the diaper bag behind her. She refused to let go because yet again she'd smuggled in a few stuffed animal friends and didn't want them discovered and removed at the last minute.

Kelly took Ember, already settled in her car seat, while Erin slipped on her shoes and collected up everything they'd forgotten, locked the door and took the diaper bag from the toddler before it fell down the stairs and crushed her. There wasn't any verbal discussion regarding seating arrangements, Kelly slipping wordlessly into the backseat between the girls before Erin could say anything about it. She wanted to argue that he'd be more comfortable in the front but knew that he was trying to be considerate and didn't want him thinking she didn't appreciate it. She appreciated everything he had done for her over the last few days, especially organising a second trip to the aquarium for their whole family.

"Everyone buckled up?" Hank enquired, adjusting the driver's seat and mirrors according to his own preferences he peered into the backseat using the rear view mirror to check Shay in particular.

"Yes Papa" Shay assured, tugging at her seatbelt to prove it was done up.

"Mhmm" Erin confirmed, twisting around in her seat to make absolutely certain before doing up her own seatbelt.

"And you've got everything you're going to need?" Hank questioned, looking across to Erin because he knew she was usually behind packing everything the girls might need on an outing. She hadn't lifted a finger though, her husband continuing to take on the majority of her workload despite her protesting that she was feeling perfectly fine. The quick glance she gave over her shoulder wasn't missed by her father figure and even after an affirmative was provided he was hesitant to start the car. Only once he felt he'd given them enough time to think of anything they might have forgotten did he turn the key in the ignition.

"Let's get going then" He muttered to nobody in particular as he looked around before reversing out of their driveway, gazing at his own vehicle longingly as he swung the car around and got a feel for the larger turning circle.

"Go 'Quarium!" Shay cheered in agreement, smiling and kicking her legs against her car seat excitedly.

"Gah!" Ember contributed with impeccable timing, thrusting her into the air as if she had no control over the limb then drooling as she returned her father's surprised smile.

"Yeah Em, we're going to the aquarium" Kelly encouraged, taking the baby's hand and shaking it gently as he nodded and grinned proudly.

"She's getting so close" Erin commented softly, it felt like she'd missed out on more than a few days with her baby.

"To?" Hank asked, too focused on driving to have connected the dots.

"First words" Erin provided concisely.

"Yeah, Shay was about that age wasn't she?" Hank recalled, his first granddaughter saying her first word in his arms was a memory that would forever warm his heart.

"Mhm" She agreed simply, forehead creasing as she realised Ember was already older than Shay had been. The first thing that crossed her mind was the doctors' words when Ember had been hospitalized, 'brain damage', and then the testing they had done. What if their tests had been wrong? What if they were right and she was the one responsible, dividing her time and energy between the two girls causing some sort of developmental delay?

"Shay what?" The toddler interrupted before Erin could be consumed by her negative thoughts.

"Emmy's about the same age you were when you said your first word" Erin explained after a moment, being careful not to bring her realisation to anyone's attention. Everything else about her girls had been different so it seemed reasonable that there would be some difference in the ages at which they reached developmental milestones.

"What dat?" Shay questioned, still not fully understanding the conversation she had been mentioned in.

"Papa was your first word Shay. You said it when I was looking after you once, when you were a little baby like Em" Hank informed, a hint of boastfulness in his tone, trying to explain to Shay why they were making the comparison.

"Papa!?" The toddler asked in disbelief, it was hard for her to comprehend that she had once been a baby like her little sister, babbling and gurgling instead of communicating clearly.

"Yeah, just like that" Hank smiled, winking at her through the mirror as they waited at a red light.

"What Emmy-bear f-worst word?" Shay enquired, looking past her father to her baby sister, gumming at her fist and dribbling Ember certainly didn't seem like she was ready to talk.

"We don't know what it's going to be, one day she'll just say something that's a real word" Erin answered, trying to convince herself that it didn't matter when Ember said her first word, as long as they didn't miss it the way they had Shay's.

"When?" Shay questioned, always curious.

"When she's ready" Kelly offered in reply, holding no concerns at all for his baby daughter.

"Umkay" Shay accepted after thinking on it for long enough to decide that that was fair. "I ready 'quarium!" She added excitedly, remembering why they were in the car to begin with.

"Me too, I just saw a sign so we must be getting close" Erin said, tapping the window with a fingertip as she spoke. She had to admit she was excited too, when she stopped overthinking everything and decided to enjoy herself she saw it as a great opportunity to get out of the house and spend time with her family.

"Sit still, we're almost there" Kelly urged, reaching across to pull the seatbelt straps back into place over Shay's shoulders, something he couldn't have done from the front seat. The toddler was squirming and twisting around in her car seat as she tried to see the sign they'd long since passed.

"Chasey-Nadie dere?" Shay questioned when she finally gave up on seeing the sign her mother had.

"Mhm, we're meeting Chase and Nadia there" Erin corroborated, now certain the toddler had overheard her talking to the young man on the phone earlier that morning.

"Him sleeps-ober…" Shay reminded, in case her parents had forgotten the contentious topic of their dinnertime conversation. The toddler didn't like that her brother hadn't come home the previous night and thought he deserved to get in trouble for it. Chase had called to let them know he'd be staying at Nadia's but other than having to work late he hadn't provided a reason. Even then a call from Capp inviting Kelly for drinks at Molly's had proven it a lie. Usually they were fine with him being an independent young adult but usually he spent all the time he wasn't working at home with them, that definitely hadn't been the case in his first week as acting Lieutenant.

"Yeah he did" Kelly hushed, not really wanting to go over it again. He understood why his wife was worried, not having seen Chase during the week because she had been sick, but felt the young man had the right to live his own life.

"Look Shay, what's that?" Erin asked as they rounded the corner and the aquarium came into view, committed to being present she refused to let thoughts of Chase override her excitement.

"'Quarium!" Shay announced in a high pitched squeak, clapping her hands and kicking her legs to ensure everyone knew how excited she was.

"Mhm" Erin nodded, unable to stop a broad smile spreading across her face, she felt as excited as Shay sounded. It seemed silly for an adult to be that excited over a trip to the aquarium but Erin was very much looking forward to sharing a first with her family. "What animal is that?" She quizzed as she they passed under the metal gate formed into two leaping dolphins.

"Golfin" Shay answered confidently and a little dismissively, thinking her mother should have asked a more difficult question.

"D-dolphins" Erin corrected gently.

"Umkay" The toddler accepted softly. Embarrassed to have pronounced the word incorrectly, especially in front of her grandpa, Shay didn't attempt to say the word properly.

"If you go left there's a space over there in the shade" Erin suggested, having spotted the perfect car space just in time to deflect unwanted attention away from the red-faced toddler.

"Bloody idi…uh… Woopsies…" Hank corrected swiftly when another car almost ran into them in its attempt to steal the car space he had been lining up for, taking a wide arc to compensate for the unfamiliar vehicle.

"Just take that one" She advised with a shrug and a smile, pointing to the opposite space even though it was in full sun. At that point she was really too excited to care where they parked.

"Ugh…" Hank scoffed, reluctantly settling for the lesser space, he would have complained further had his granddaughters not been in the car.

"'Quariam, 'quair-yum! 'quairy-yum-yum!" Shay chanted as she kicked her legs, already getting her hands into position to press as hard as she could on the seatbelt release button, she wanted to be first out of the car and into the aquarium.

"Shay stay in the car until Mama's ready" Erin instructed exactly as she would if she were alone with the girls. She always liked to have Ember settled in the baby carrier or her pram before she let the toddler loose in a car park. The toddler didn't reply but her heavy sigh communicated her frustration, wriggling free of her seatbelt she turned to look at her father, hopeful he would provide an alternative answer.

Kelly shook his head and tried to set an example for his daughter by sitting patiently as Hank and Erin both got out of the car, moving to the trunk to retrieve the diaper bag and baby carrier. There was some muffled discussion Kelly couldn't quite make out from the back seat but when Hank arrived at the door wearing the baby carrier he figured it out. After assisting the older man to secure the chunky baby on his chest he managed to squeeze out past the car seat.

"Now 'quarium time?" Shay posed as her mother opened the car door.

"Yeah!" Erin affirmed, eyes widening just as her smile did before she extended her arms for the toddler, catching Shay as she leapt from the car. "Let's go" She encouraged, not entirely sure how she had managed to end up in the lead when she was likely the only one who didn't know where they were going. With Shay on her hip providing directions they soon made it to the entrance, all looking around for the couple they were supposed to be meeting there.

A very long three minutes later Chase and Nadia joined them, the look in Erin's eye reminding Kelly of her happiness rolling down the hill on their anniversary as they proceeded to the back of the line. With pre-purchased tickets they only had to wait a few more minutes before being served, receiving stamps on their hands so they could leave and re-enter throughout the day.

"Alright, I have a map for everyone. If you get lost we'll meet up near the seahorses as soon as we notice you're gone…" Kelly informed practically as they grouped together just inside, handing out a map to everyone who could hold one.

"Daddy you no map Emmy!" Shay protested immediately, squirming out of her mother's arms and crossing to her baby sister, grabbing a little foot and yanking until Ember squawked.

"Emmy is with Papa Hank, she's not going to get lost" Kelly justified, shaking his head to discourage the toddler from interfering with her sister any further.

"Mmm… But she no lose nuffin' dis time! Emmy-Ephalent need maps" Shay insisted, holding out her hand for the second map she was demanding. The toddler was certain the pink bear wouldn't have gotten lost at the zoo if it had had access to a map.

"Her elephant was supposed to stay at home Shay" Erin reminded seriously, eyeing the diaper bag cautiously now that she suspected it was half full of stuffed animals.

"Yeah…Did… I no touch-ed it" Shay attempted to convince, her expression alone a dead giveaway, the shrug and innocent smile she added only making it more obvious she wasn't telling the truth.

"Okay, then everyone who needs one has a map…" Erin concluded, eyeing the toddler to dare her to continue.

"Where do we want to start?" Kelly questioned, looking from Shay to those who hadn't already been to the aquarium that week. Even though they hadn't spent very long there they still had a definite head start, especially on those who had never been before.

"Right there" Erin nominated when nobody else spoke, pointing to the nearest exhibit. She had every intention of seeing all the animals over the course of the day, beginning with a tank full of tiny neon tetra.

**So obviously this is just the beginning but it's been a while and it was a good place to break it up. Love you all for reading and reviewing :D**


	210. Chapter 210

"I knew you couldn't resist" Vanessa greeted in a purr as she brushed against Kelly, sliding into the unoccupied space next to him at the edge of the touch tank. It was clear she wasn't allocated there that shift, the employees who were all supervising from the other side of the tank, where she had been when they'd first met.

"Uhh…" Kelly stammered, not at all sure what to say, he had no idea where Vanessa had come from but he didn't appreciate her sudden close proximity or what she was suggesting. Looking past the interloper to his wife, Erin had only stepped away from him for a moment, holding Shay around the waist to help her see a brightly coloured sea cucumber further down the tank. His heart and stomach both felt like they were about to make an appearance, bursting through his chest or out his mouth.

"I am so glad you came back… All. By. Yourself" Vanessa persisted despite his overtly unenthusiastic response, stroking her hand down his arm then dancing her fingers along the edge of the tank to his left hand, tapping his wedding band to finish. Kelly instinctively tensed his fist, knuckles turning white as he exhaled shakily.

Of course she wouldn't recognise his wife, standing right behind her, and she clearly hadn't paid much attention to Shay either, the toddler even wearing the same shirt she had on Wednesday. Kelly knew his eyes were wide with disbelief but he still couldn't speak, mouth completely parched. He was doing his best to communicate nonverbally while his eyes darted between the two women, one he loved and one he hated for putting him in such an awful position. He just hoped his wife hadn't heard, not when Vanessa was making it sound like he'd done something to attract her attentions.

Vanessa remained absolutely oblivious though. "Are you ready for your tour? I can show you things you've never seen before" She promised with a highly suggestive wink, though to be completely honest Kelly wasn't entirely sure what she was alluding to. Surely she didn't think they could just sneak off into some sort of maintenance cupboard. No matter what she was suggesting Kelly most definitely wasn't interested, it was only a matter of phrasing before she came to realise that.

"Vanessa" He began, tone and speed measured. Her eyes shone and her chest swelled as she sucked in a deep breath of admiration, he remembered her name. Kelly paused to swallow, thinking hard about how he was going to say what he needed to.

"Babe?" Erin interjected pointedly, turning around to look at him with fierce eyes just as he began to speak. It might have been the first time she'd acknowledged the conversation taking place behind her but she'd heard every word. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, she just felt he could use a nudge in the right direction, a reminder.

"I'm not here alone and I wouldn't ever be" Kelly told Vanessa firmly, gesturing to Erin who's expression remained intently focused on the exchange, Shay on her hip also watching on. "You've got the wrong impression. I'm not at all interested... I appreciated the way you showed Shay the octopus but that was it… that was all it ever was, you doing your job" He explained, watching hurt and confusion grow in Vanessa's eyes, not that he felt he'd given mixed signals at any point. He still felt badly for the young woman, though how she had ever hoped to succeed baffled him. "So thank you but we don't need any help today" He concluded softly, trying to let her down gently even if the damage had already been done.

Vanessa stood silent for what felt like the longest time, though in reality it probably took less than a minute for her to transition from hurt to angry. Glaring at the man who had rejected her before eyeing the woman he had chosen over her. Erin bristled under the inspection, Vanessa's stare conveying that she thought she was far superior. Erin had to laugh at that suggestion because while at times she lacked self-confidence this wasn't one of them, and laughing was a much better option than giving the deluded woman what she wanted by defending herself.

Vanessa snapped at the dry, rising notes of amusement, eyelid twitching as she narrowed her eyes, focusing on the toddler. Shay didn't really have a clue what was going on but she didn't like the woman who resembled Ariel anymore, not when both parents' body language was apprehensive. Erin tightened her hold on Shay and prepared herself for anything, but Vanessa spun away from them to face Kelly again. Both Erin and Kelly suspected a slap was imminent but it never came.

"Ricardo's dead!" Vanessa announced triumphantly, looking between Kelly and Shay for a reaction. Erin's mind automatically provided soap opera gasps at the revelation it sounded so very ridiculous, especially when she didn't know who Ricardo was.

"I'm sorry to hear that" Kelly provided, barely glimpsing at Vanessa before giving his daughter a reassuring look, the toddler the intended target of the biting words. "Come on" He urged, stepping around Vanessa and wrapping his arm around his wife's shoulders, guiding her away from the unexpected drama.

"You know I never believed in mermaids… Sirens though, she could pass for one" Erin commented in a whisper, leaning into her husband's side as they retreated. She was still processing what had happened but relief and an odd sensation similar to happiness were spreading through her as she recalled her husband's swift rejection. Kelly chuckled, shaking his head because he still couldn't quite believe Vanessa's forwardness.

Shay was beyond confused, first her mother had laughed completely out of context, almost intentionally mean, and now her father was chuckling for no apparent reason. That wasn't why she screwed up her face and began to cry though, thinking of a little octopus. She didn't know what 'dead' meant but it sounded bad.

"Hey bub, no" Kelly soothed as he took the upset toddler from his wife's arms, turning her around and cuddling her to his chest. "Ricardo's fine, I promise. That lady was just being mean because she didn't like what Daddy said" He tried to explain in a way the two year old would understand, aware he could be lying to his little girl he only made the promise to cheer her up.

"Whyyy?" Shay questioned, sniffling she wiped her nose on the back of her hand before pawing at her face with her fingers to brush away her tears.

"I don't know sweetheart, she was being silly. I love you and your Mama too much to listen to that kind of thing" Kelly comforted, jostling Shay a little as he freed a hand, gripping his wife's as he looked to her for approval. The last thing he wanted was for Erin to be upset as well, not that he really understood why she would be, sometimes he felt that she was a little oversensitive when it came to that kind of thing, other women showing interest in him. He still couldn't think of a better way to have handled the situation and it was in the past even if he had wanted to change it.

"Love you too" Erin assured softly, releasing his hand to slip her arm around his waist, holding him close and resting her head against his chest so she was face to face with Shay. Erin didn't even feel out of place, standing in the middle of one of the main walkways in the aquarium hugging her husband. She wasn't sure why witnessing his reaction to Vanessa's advances had made her feel so safe and loved but it had. "Thank you" She told him once she'd kissed Shay's cheek and straightened to look him in the eye, he really had proven himself to be the best husband and father over the last few days.

Kelly couldn't accept her thanks, not when he hadn't done anything he thought he deserved to be thanked for, so he pressed his lips to her forehead instead. They shared a look when he pulled back then simultaneously turned their attention to Shay. "Where to next bub?" Kelly asked, rubbing circles on Shay's back as he twisted around to show her all the possibilities, trying to motivate her and take her mind off what Vanessa had said.

"Are you tired Shay? Or hungry?" Erin questioned when Shay didn't offer any form of reply, noticing that the toddler seemed to be running low on energy.

"Mmm" Shay murmured, pressing her cheek harder against her father's chest.

"You just want to snuggle with Daddy?" Erin clarified after a moment, sweeping a lock of soft brown hair from in front of Shay's eyes.

"Daddy" Shay confirmed softly, peering up at him to make sure he was happy to carry her she had to brush her own hair out of her eyes when she cuddled against him again.

"Okay, let's go find Papa and Emmy" Kelly suggested, spotting the pair a little way away. Despite handing out maps and planning to stay together the family group had quickly split into three: Chase and Nadia were using the time to catch up and weren't really interested in the animals. Erin, Kelly and Shay wanted to see every exhibit and display, learning as much as they possibly could about the aquatic animals their idea of fun. And Hank had taken on baby duty, his ulterior motives soon on display.

"Pa-pa-papapa! Pa-pa. Papa" Hank was chanting when they reached him, exaggerating the movements of his lips he held Ember's undivided attention. Bouncing and swaying in time with his chanting Ember was absolutely mesmerised by the movement and sound, head tipped back to look at him, eyes fixed on his mouth, her little hand holding his cheek.

"Aaa!" The baby replied when he stopped to look up at the rest of the young family, smacking her lips Ember was close to the mouth shape required to form a 'P' sound. "Pfff" Ember produced, exhaling rapidly as she moved her lips the rush of air had a distinctly discernable 'P' sound at the beginning

"So that's the secret" Kelly remarked, convinced his father-in-law was some sort of baby whisperer to have held the Ember's attention long enough to teach her something.

"No secret, just repetition. I'll get her sayin' Papa soon enough" Hank guaranteed, taking Ember's hand from his cheek and shaking it.

"Or you could let her figure it out for herself" Erin suggested, not sure why she was against coaching the baby to speak when earlier she'd freaked out because Ember hadn't said her first word yet. They had refrained from overtly teaching Shay but now it seemed Hank hadn't.

"I could…" Hank acknowledged, seeming to consider the option for moment before dismissing it and moving on. "Lunchtime yet? Because there's a little café out and down the boardwalk, or at least there used to be, we got fish and chips there when we brought Justin here when he was little. Ate them on the sand before coming back here for the seal show…" He trailed off, ending his journey down memory lane to return to the present.

"Seal!" Shay beamed, perking up a little at the mention of the ball catching, fish swallowing creatures.

"We can see if it's still there" Erin agreed with a shrug, not fazed whether they ate at the aquarium or somewhere else. If it would make Hank happy to return to a place that held good memories she didn't mind in the least.

"Yeah okay, we'll just have to find Chase and Nadia" Kelly reminded, looking around for the couple he hadn't really seen since just after they'd arrived.

"Seahorsie" Shay reminded him.

"That might take a while" Erin explained, thinking there were easier and quicker ways for them to reunite. "I'll just send them a text" She put forward as an alternative, pulling out her phone and quickly typing out a request to meet up. "Why don't we look at the show times while we wait? Then we can plan our afternoon" She suggested once the message was sent. She was happy to venture out for lunch but she didn't want to miss any of the shows as a result.

"Seal!" Shay repeated, even though she had seen the seal show on Wednesday she was keen to see it again with her mother.

"Definitely, those are on the hour, and they go for half an hour so we can make it to the otter show by quarter to two, then the dolphin show is at three if we want to stick around" Erin thought aloud as she read over the show times on the back of the map.

"We'll see how the girls go" Kelly cautioned, suspecting that by three o'clock both girls would be well on the way to exhaustion.

"Go where?" Chase butted in, looking from Erin to Kelly for an answer as he came to a halt before them, hand in hand with Nadia. It was a good sign, the young couple struggling to find time for each other now that they were both working fulltime.

"We're going to head out for some lunch then come back for a couple of shows" Erin explained, it was nice that they'd had some time to themselves but she wanted them to spend the rest of the day together as a family.

"Sounds good" Chase nodded, looking back to his mum after checking with his girlfriend. And it was. The ragtag group remained clumped together, talking and laughing as they wandered the boardwalk in search of the café Hank remembered. They found it and placed their order then split up, Erin and the kids discovering a small stretch of sand at the edge of the lake, beach-like in the summer sun. Hank and Kelly chatted politely while waiting in the café for their food, Hank only just learning that Erin had been unwell.

Fish and chips soon filled their stomachs along with those of the few gulls willing to entertain Shay and her wild throws. Once they'd eaten Erin found a quiet place in the shade to feed Ember, still having some difficulty getting the baby to latch and suck evenly after her brief use of a bottle. Hank joined her once he'd taken the rubbish off to a bin, not excited by the prospect of splashing in the shallows like Chase, Nadia, Kelly and Shay were. As much as Hank didn't want to interrupt the bonding moment between mother and daughter he had to remind his daughter that her return to work was optional. Kelly had made it sound as though mentioning work had been the trigger for Erin's sickness and while Hank knew Erin would argue that wasn't the case he still felt somewhat responsible.

Their pants and shoes were dry by the time they made it back to the aquarium, though Shay remained a little sandy. Despite their earlier complaints they were glad Erin and Hank hadn't gotten wet when they were asked to show the stamps on the backs of their hands on the way in. Prime positions for the seal show were easy to come by but they had to split into pairs to find seating before the otter show. They reunited at the end of the show and made the call to head home, Ember sleeping deeply while Shay was well on the way. They stopped briefly in the gift shop but only bought one thing, a navy blue shirt for Shay with a furry seal applique on the front to match the pink lion one she'd gotten at the zoo. Two mementos for two glorious days.

**So I know I rushed it towards the end but I was desperate to get this up today for Sandygirl! I miss the daily updates too but to be honest I don't even know how I did it, I thought I was getting better as a writer but it seems to be taking me so much longer to write each chapter :( I hope you're feeling better after the Linseride in this chapter, I was going to have them argue but you were right, they deserve some happier times. **

**Biihzane to answer your question Kelly will back to work in a few chapters but Erin will have a bit longer at home. In the story it's currently the 1****st**** of August and Erin is due to return to work on the 21****st**** of September, I have no idea how many chapters I'll fit into that time… But I'm just as eager to get there as you are. I have so much great stuff in store and I can't wait to share it with you. **

**Thank you all for reading :D**


	211. Chapter 211

"I can get her Er" Kelly offered softly, placing a hand on his wife's shoulder as he came up behind her at the car door.

"So can I" Erin defended grumpily, shaking her head a little before reaching into the car to unbuckle the sleeping toddler, struggling with the clasp for a second only because he was watching so intently she couldn't concentrate. Once Shay's arms were freed Erin lifted her carefully, resting the toddler's heavy head against her shoulder.

"Are you…" He began.

"I'm fine" She snapped before he could finish, almost stepping on his feet as she moved back to close the car door, careful to do so quietly. Not having applied enough force the door didn't click into place so she had to open it again and close it properly, which required a free hand she didn't have. Instead of asking her husband, who still lingered right behind her, for help she jostled the toddler into one arm and rapidly opened and closed the door, only just catching Shay as she slumped forward.

"I can…" He attempted again.

"Kelly" Erin warned, giving him a stern look before heading for the stairs. "Where's Ember?" She asked when she realised he was following her. It was a difficult question to ask because in doing so she was admitting she had fallen asleep in the car between the aquarium and home.

"Hank has her in the lounge, she woke up…I was coming back for Shay then I would have carried you in too" He explained, realising once again that that wasn't an option only after he'd said it. He hoped his wife was too tired to pick up on the error.

"You're not supposed to do any heavy lifting" She reminded flatly, not impressed by the thought of him hurting himself any further.

"You're not that heavy babe" He attempted to amend with a scoff.

"Just shut up" Erin urged, stopping just inside the front door she set about taking off her shoes before proceeding any further into the house. Still juggling Shay Erin was glad she'd worn ballet flats she could slip on and off, even if she did have a blister because of them. Kelly tried to help by holding his wife's shoulder to stabilize her as she stepped out of her shoes but she quickly shrugged off his hand.

"Sorry" He muttered frustratedly, holding both hands up, palms out in surrender, clearly nothing he said or did was going to get by her in her current mood.

"Don't apologise" She almost groaned, gritting her teeth and exhaling sharply as she gave him a look that told him he was completely useless. Kelly kept his hands raised and took a step back, giving in to her because he knew she was just as tired as the toddler she was carrying. Erin readjusted Shay again before taking the stairs, disappearing out of view Kelly allowed himself to relax. Bending down to untie his own shoes he didn't expect to see his wife descending the stairs when he straightened.

"Er"

"What now?" She demanded harshly.

"I thought… maybe you'd like to have a bit of a rest…" Kelly answered hesitantly, suspecting it would be taken badly, just like everything else he'd said since they'd arrived home. It was so clear she needed to sleep, they'd had fun at the aquarium but she'd rushed them along towards the end of the day, almost asleep on her feet as they perused the shop it was no real surprise when she'd drifted off in the car. The fact she was refusing her body what it desperately needed was the surprise to Kelly.

"Well in that case, don't think" She suggested with an appropriately satisfied look, he really had made it too easy. He reached for her arm but she pulled back swiftly, all he wanted to do was hold her until she calmed down and fell asleep. "I have things to do" She informed, softening a little at the hurt expression that had taken over his face.

"I can take care of…" Kelly didn't finish what he was saying, not with Hank's penetrating gaze directed at him from the moment he entered the lounge room after her.

"I might grab a beer, if you don't mind me hanging around for dinner" Hank enquired gently, noticing the tension between the couple and thinking it best to give them a moment.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'm not sure what's for dinner though…" Erin trailed off, preventing him from leaving the room until he handed Ember to her.

"Erin I can take care of Em and dinner, go lie down" He instructed firmly, the kind and gentle approach wasn't working.

"Really? You can take care of…" She had to stop herself before she laughed, taking a moment to compose herself before she was able to speak again. "Last time I checked I was the only one capable of feeding her."

"I…" Kelly tried to interject, it wasn't as if he'd starved their daughter over the last few days.

"No you can't! You give her chemicals, in a bottle made of chemicals!" Erin accused angrily, bouncing Ember a little when the baby began to fuss in response to her mother's tone of voice.

"Babe" Kelly tried to calm, she was starting to sound irrational.

"No! I'm not ever letting you do that to her again" Erin replied, looking at her husband as if he were the enemy she turned Ember away from him and cradled her protectively.

"Okay, okay. I won't, I won't ever give her formula again… I'm sorry" Kelly reasoned, accepting that it was still a sore point for her. She wanted the best for Ember and he did too, even if she couldn't see it in that moment.

"Good" She nodded, frown fading momentarily since she felt victorious. Kelly gave her one last concerned look and she finally crumbled, tears welling in her eyes as her exhaustion exacerbated internal conflict overflowed. "But it's my fault anyway, I… I…"

"No you didn't" Kelly countered, knowing she was going to say she had abandoned them again. A comforting hand on her arm led to a hug when she didn't push him away, Ember sandwiched between her parents. "You were sick, and you're still getting better babe" He reasoned softly, brushing her hair aside and kissing her forehead. "If you want to get better you need to listen to your body and get some sleep. You're tired… Em's not hungry but you can take her up to bed and feed her there if you want, you'll be more comfortable."

"I can't" She shook her head, sounding miserable.

"I know" He consoled. "She's making it difficult but you're doing so good" He encouraged, he hadn't wanted to say anything but he was absolutely in awe of her ability to persist when breastfeeding their baby was so obviously painful.

"No. I can't… I'm too tired to sleep with her… I'll roll and crush her" Erin communicated sadly, never too tired to think of her children's safety.

"Alright, she can stay here with me then. I won't feed her. Go on" He insisted, taking Ember before she could really protest.

"Mhm" She accepted a moment too late, watching as he positioned the baby against his chest and instinctively began to rock her.

"I love you" Kelly reminded when she dropped her hands to her sides and turned away.

"Mmm" Erin barely acknowledged, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other as she trudged from the lounge room. Swiping away her tears and covering a massive yawn meant she didn't see Hank returning from the kitchen as she continued up the stairs.

"She okay?" Hank questioned, holding out a beer for the younger man. He'd overheard enough to know his son-in-law needed and deserved one.

"Yeah" Kelly answered automatically. "Yeah she's fine" He repeated as if he were trying to convince himself.

"Remind me to talk to her later" Hank requested as he settled on the couch a comfortable distance from Kelly, leaning forward for the remote and putting his beer on the coffee table at the same time.

"No!" Kelly blurted, not wanting anything else to upset her. "I mean… what about?" He rephrased carefully, not wanting to assume it was any of his business despite the fact they were talking about his wife.

"Nothing bad" Hank assured, frowning a little because he didn't like the idea of needing to have Kelly's permission to talk to Erin. It wasn't even something he would usually feel the need to take her aside for, her husband's reaction made him want to though.

"Okay" Kelly shrugged and nodded simultaneously, jiggling Ember a little Hank took it as an invitation to take the baby. Hank smiled down at his granddaughter as he sat her on his lap, dividing his attention between her and the basketball game he'd chosen for them to watch. Kelly liked that there was no obligation to be sociable, content to sit quietly and wonder if whatever Hank had to say to Erin was going to upset her again.

* * *

"Can we have a quick word?" Hank questioned as he followed Erin into the kitchen, since her husband had prepared dinner she felt the need to contribute by clearing away the dishes.

"Yeah sure, what's up?" Erin agreed, hoping he meant then and there because she had to put the dishes in the dishwasher before she could focus solely on him. The silence stretched out and Erin knew he was waiting for her undivided attention, water splashing everywhere and dishes clattering as she rushed the chore.

"I'm supposed to give you this" Hank offered when she straightened and looked to him expectantly, the older man rummaged around in his pocket for a moment the produced a crushed and folded silver envelope.

"What is it?" She asked as she accepted the envelope, opening it out then turning it over in her hands, there were no markings on the outside but she could feel that it was thicker at one end than the other. That didn't really give her much of a clue as to what was in it though, the fact that it had been hand delivered by Hank made her even more eager to find out.

"Have a look" He instructed, despite the fact she had already begun tearing along the seal with her thumb. "It's an invitation" He added as she tugged out the thick pale blue card and began to read the details.

"I can see that" She replied dryly as she finished reading and looked to him, unimpressed.

"Kim didn't mean to leave you out" He explained uncertainly, thinking he'd done her a favour by making sure she was invited to the engagement party.

"What did you say to her?" Erin demanded. Sure she'd been a little hurt not to have received an invitation to begin with, especially since she'd gone to the effort of keeping in touch with Kim right up until Kelly and Chase got injured.

"Nothing" Hank assured though it couldn't possibly have been the truth, people didn't just suddenly remember that they'd forgotten to give some an invitation to their engagement party. And even if they had she hardly thought they'd ask Voight to hand deliver said invitation.

"Hank, I know you've got the embarrassing dad thing down but I'm an adult. I have my own kids… I might not even be able to go" She rationalised, thinking she'd spent enough time in quarantine away from her girls.

"It's Friday night. You've had a shitty month, with the boys and now you being sick, I'll watch the little ones so you two can have a night out. You deserve it" He concluded, giving her a look that told her he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"Hank" She pled, it was worth a shot, even though now that she thought about it a night out with her husband sounded wonderful.

"You're going. It's no trouble and I already told Kim to expect you" Hank persisted gruffly.

"Fine" She grumbled, holding eye contact with him for a long time, until he smiled in fact. "Thank you" She conceded reluctantly, checking around to make sure no one was coming before going in for a hug.

"You're doing good kid" Hank was sure to remind as he squeezed her tightly, they didn't do physical affection typically but she needed it. He didn't mind either, thinking it was a reasonable way to end a family day together. Erin was still tired and perhaps a little more emotional than usual, though having a sleep had helped, feeling unnecessarily disappointed that she hadn't been able to manage the whole day.

* * *

"Did you have fun today?" Kelly enquired as his wife climbed into bed beside him, finally satisfied that Ember was sleeping soundly.

"Yeah, of course" Erin answered, brow furrowing at the question because she really hoped he didn't need to ask to know. They had all had a fun morning at the aquarium and maybe she hadn't had the best afternoon, something she regretted immensely, but that didn't mean it wasn't a great day overall.

"Good" He accepted with a small smile, shifting a little to face her as she settled on her back.

"I couldn't say it before 'cause we had company but I'm sorry" She extended softly after a moment, tipping her head to look at him, the frown remained but now apology clouded her eyes as well.

"Hm?" Kelly enquired, eyebrows shooting up at the unexpected apology.

"I'm really sorry for the way I behaved this afternoon" She explained after pursing her lips to tell him he should already have known.

"You were tired" He reminded, narrowing his eyes and shaking his head because he wasn't one to hold a grudge.

"Don't make excuses for me. I was being a bitch" She asserted, feeling as if she were doing it again even though she was just trying to apologise.

"I still love you" Kelly shrugged.

"Babe, I'm sorry" She apologised seriously.

"And I accept your apology" He acknowledged evenly, knowing it was what she was looking for, even if he thought it was an unnecessary apology.

"Thank you" She smiled, instantly feeling a little better about it.

"But that's the second time today you haven't said it back…" He informed with a frown of his own.

"Oh" She gasped, very briefly sporting an alarmed expression. "I love you too. Always" She declared, finding his hand and squeezing it before deciding that wasn't enough. "I. Love. You" She added between feather light kisses.

"Mmm, that's better" He sighed contentedly, rolling onto his back and flicking off his bedside light he effectively communicated that the conversation was over and that he was ready to sleep.

"I love the way you handled Vanessa" Erin decided to clarify instead of mirroring his movements. Suddenly feeling the need to make up for snubbing him by highlighting a moment in which he'd surpassed every expectation she'd ever had of a man. It had been such a peculiar encounter and she wasn't sure it was just her mind playing tricks on her since it already seemed in the distant past, as if she'd woken up to a new day after her nap. Kelly had been so swift and efficient in shutting down Vanessa's advances, something about that made her feel incredibly special.

"I thought you might want to talk about that" Kelly murmured, from his voice alone she could tell his eyes were closed.

"No, not really. You responded perfectly" She summarised, she didn't need an in depth analysis, she had been there and she'd seen exactly what she'd needed to see.

"Nothing happened on Wednesday" He guaranteed, proving that he had been more affected by it than she had in his determination to discuss it.

"I wasn't worried" She assured, he didn't exactly make it difficult to trust him.

"Thank you" He accepted, almost expecting that she would have been more upset about it but glad she wasn't. She was so magnificently uncertain and certain at the same time, vulnerable and self-confident in equal measure, as long as he continued to bring out the certainty and confidence Kelly felt he was doing his duty. "What are you doing?" The questioned came without conscious thought as a reaction to her action, hanging in the air for a beat.

"Uhuhm" Erin responded noncommittally, a very lazy 'I don't know'. She knew exactly what she was doing though, having rolled onto her side she was trailing her fingernails down his bare chest. Toying with the waistband of his boxers she tried to think of an answer. "Loving you?" She offered a moment later, that look in her eyes setting something inside of him alight.

"Mm" He hummed in approval, things were definitely looking up for them.

* * *

**I don't mean for this to be a constant up and down with more downs than ups but to me an overtired and grumpy wife is a realistic outcome after a day out with two small children following a few days terribly unwell. I strive for realism, if you want to read a fairy tale fantasy you're in the wrong place… Though you know by now I'm a sucker for a happy ending. **

**I've had a couple of people say that they miss the daily updates, and as I said last chapter I do too. Sandygirl I didn't take it negatively at all so please don't think that, in fact it was great motivation. I am hard on myself but sometimes I get too caught up in the small, irrelevant details and forget the bigger picture (getting my story across) so it was actually really helpful of you to remind me. At the moment I'm trying to get to a point where I update every other day. I have been writing a few chapters at once to try to stockpile but I'm a little scatterbrained and haven't been able to finish much. I'm working on it… I think that's all I wanted to say right now, sorry to make this so long. As always thanks for reading, reviews are very much appreciated :D**


	212. Chapter 212

**There was some sort of glitch with this website and I didn't get any emails to tell me there'd been reviews so I assumed you all hated the last chapter… oops! Then when I came to post this I saw them so thanks a heap to Sandygirl, Biihzane, Michnkicks, Sydcasy and .54 (it doesn't like your username sorry) for your reviews, even if I got them a little late :) **

"Did you see that?!" Chase questioned animatedly as he looked around to meet his mum's eyes, smiling in a way she hadn't seen all week.

"Yeah, told you she'd win" Erin returned with a victorious chuckle.

"But that's cheating! She rolled, Shay knows she's only allowed to army crawl!" Chase protested immediately, he really didn't want to lose the bet.

"It's called handicapping, makes it fair for a five month old to race a two year old" Kelly justified with a chuckle, he'd taken on the role of umpire since the other two adults had rapidly taken sides. He didn't particularly care which of his daughters made it around the obscure obstacle course first, they were all having fun.

"But you didn't say that before they started" Chase complained, eyes still smiling even as he frowned at his opponent. "Go Shay! That's it, use those legs" He turned away, resuming cheering since the rules they'd agreed upon prevented him from helping any other way.

"Ellie Em, come get Ellie" Erin countered, pointing to the stuffed Elephant.

"That is the most unoriginal name ever..." Chase muttered, still frustrated that Ember had outsmarted Shay and was in the lead with only a few feet left to go.

"If you can think of a better one…" She invited, too focused on the imminent end of the race to even finish her sentence.

"Not right now… But I'll let you know" Chase guaranteed before he too fell into a deeply concentrated state. In the last minute of the race Kelly lost track of what the competition was about, who could cheer the loudest or which of the girls could complete the course first.

Constructing the course had been his idea of fun, using sheets, bubble wrap and a rainbow folding tunnel Erin had bought when Shay was little but completely forgotten about. He'd only found the tunnel when he'd been looking for the mobile to attach to the crib, hoping to give Ember something to occupy herself with when she woke before they did. With the mobile installed he'd returned to find Shay had untied the tunnel and deployed it in their lounge room, where there wasn't really enough space to play safely.

He wasn't sure whose idea the obstacle course had been, or the race for that matter but he'd suggested they take it outside and it had grown from there. They'd laid sheets out to form a right angle, adding the tunnel to the side and a length of bubble wrap to the other end to make a rectangular course. The obstacles were toys they'd littered along the length, distractions for both girls though the bubble wrap had been Shay's undoing. Roary and Ember's stuffed elephant sat waiting at the end to motivate the girls.

"No!" Erin gasped when the sheet began to bunch up under Ember, severely hindering her ability to push herself along.

"Keep going Shay!" Chase shouted, making the most of Ember's struggle.

"No, that's not fair!" Erin cried, looking to her husband then pointing forcefully to encourage him to do something about it, he was the only one allowed to touch the course, another thing covered by one of their many rules. "Come on Em, come on Emmy" Erin encouraged, feeling useless as her baby growled in frustration.

"Hey what? No!" Chase burst out as Kelly bent down between the pair and pulled the sheet flat, pulling Ember to within reach in the process.

"I'm thinking pizza" Kelly teased in reply, loser makes lunch the stakes they'd settled on for their bet.

"Ugh" Chase groaned as Shay reached her Elsa hairdressing doll, the final toy in her path. The toddler gave him a conflicted look then began to fiddle with one of the plaits her mother had done for her in the doll's synthetic hair.

"Ahh… Yay Emmy! You won baby girl, good job. You did it" Erin celebrated as Ember 'crossed the finish line' by making contact with her elephant. Scooping up the baby Erin peppered kisses all over her face, bouncing up and down and making happy faces until the baby cracked a smile.

"'bout me?" Shay pouted, she'd clearly given up on playing with Elsa's hair and the crawling aspect of the race, marching towards her mother with jealousy written across her face.

"You did good, but Emmy beat you" Erin tried to explain gently, she wasn't going to devalue Ember's miraculous victory but at the same time she didn't want to cause a tantrum.

"No! Emmy baby" Shay reasoned as if babies couldn't possibly win anything.

"Shay, Ember won. But it was just for fun" She comforted with a shrug, ruffling the toddler's hair a little before a small hand swung up and slapped her hand away.

"NO!" Shay screeched, rushing the two toddler steps back to the end of the obstacle course Shay seized her little sister's stuffed elephant viciously. She looked back to her mother to see her reaction then raised the toy up beside her head for an overarm throw. The toddler had hardly mastered the technique, more often than not whatever she was trying to throw ended up propelled directly at the ground in front of her. Regardless of her poor throwing abilities Chase stepped in front of her, ready to catch the elephant should Shay go through with her threat.

"Shay" Both parents said at the same time, in the same disapproving tone with the same little shake of the head. There was a moment of indecision but Shay traded a series of looks with her father and decided to do the right thing, lowering the elephant then making her way back to her mother and handing it up to her baby sister. The toddler's mood was elevated slightly by the joyful shriek Ember gave as she grasped the toy and pulled it to her chest but she still wasn't satisfied with the outcome of the race.

"Go 'gain" Shay demanded sulkily, again looking to her father because he had been the one who had called go to begin with.

"Not right now" Erin answered, causing the toddler to frown and redirect her gaze. "We should pack up so we're ready for the pizza Chase is making for lunch" She continued in an attempt to cheer Shay up.

"Yeah about that…" Chase interrupted hesitantly, not entirely confident in his culinary skills.

"I already got the dough out of the freezer, you just have to roll it out, add the toppings and cook it" Erin explained, suspecting it would be quicker if she did it. She was responsible for meals most of the time though and didn't think waiting a little longer would do any serious harm.

"Oh okay, I can do that" He accepted. "Do you want to help me princess?" He added, feeling as if he were the only one who hadn't said something to the toddler, not that that was his responsibly as such. It also seemed fair since it was a consequence of her losing the race, not that he wanted her to think like that, telling himself he was only asking because she usually enjoyed cooking.

"No" Shay answered with a shake of her head, not sure what she was going to do instead. They all heard the creaky second bottom step as Chase headed inside, silent for a moment the adults communicated wordlessly.

"What about helping me collect up all the toys Shay?" Kelly proposed, doing his best to make it sound like fun.

"Yes… My toys not 'llowed on the floor. You so naughty putted 'em dere" Shay scolded before immediately getting to work.

"Mm, I know. That's an inside rule though" Kelly defended, hoping the concept of inside and outside rules wasn't going to overwhelm the toddler.

"Nope. My sandy toys gotta getted putted 'way. Always" Shay provided as an example, pointing off in the direction of the storage container where her sandpit toys were packed away neatly.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Except you're allowed to have your toys out when you play with them, and we were just playing with them" He attempted to justify a second time, realising now that his first response hadn't been correct. It was no real surprise the two year old had called him out on his mistake, she was remarkably intelligent when it came to knowing the rules well enough to get herself out of trouble, and get him into it.

"Playing is fun" The toddler deadpanned, startling both parents with a comment so devoid of emotion. "Umkay, if you says so Daddy" She added lightly a moment later when she'd had the chance to analyse their stunned expressions, swinging around her father's leg as he dumped the last few toys into the toy basket they'd taken from the lounge room.

"I do" He confirmed, maintaining eye contact with his wife to try to figure out the next part of their plan. "Now you and Mummy are going to take these inside, I'll put the rest of this away" Kelly explained to Shay a moment later, enforcing strict eye contact so the toddler knew it wasn't optional.

"But my tun-il but" Shay whined, looking longingly at the rainbow fabric tunnel while trying to do what she was told by waiting next to the toy basket.

"You can play with it again some other time" He assured calmly but firmly, if she hadn't overreacted at the end of the race he would have considered letting her go through the tunnel a few more times.

"Come on Shay, we'll find something to watch while we have lunch" Erin attempted to encourage, the toddler didn't look in the least impressed by the offer. Losing the race had definitely put her in a bad mood since pizza and eating in front of the television combined were just about a dream come true for the two year old. "Maybe something with seals" She added foolishly when the toddler didn't budge, the chances of finding a program featuring seals slim at best she was just saying it to get Shay inside.

"Seealll!" Shay gasped, prodding at the furry applique on her shirt before attempting to lift the toy basket all by herself. Erin stepped in to help, lifting it and balancing it against her hip while she held Ember in the other arm. Shay walked alongside her all the way in to the lounge room, underneath the toy basket, arms raised to help support the load.

"Down it goes" Erin instructed, needing the toddler to move so she could lower the toy basket into position.

"Down, down, down" Shay repeated until the basket was on the floor, adjusting it using the indentations in the carpet to line it up exactly where it had been before.

"Thank you for your help" She praised lightly, smiling at Shay before gesturing to direct her towards the couch. The toddler ran and launched herself, crawling about to collect the remote before sitting with her legs straight out in front of herself and jabbing the red button. Erin had not long settled on the couch with Shay and Ember, miraculously finding a cartoon featuring a fuzzy white baby seal, when the doorbell rang. Erin wasn't expecting anyone and so propped Ember up next to Shay and left them while she went to answer it.

"Where is she?!" A woman demanded the moment Erin cracked the door open to see who it was, taking a moment to recognise her.

"Sam?" Erin questioned, still not opening the door more than enough to make out the agitated visitor's face. She had only worked out who it was because she resembled Ruby so closely.

"Where's Ruby?" Sam tried again, placing a hand on the door to try to force it open, a move countered by Erin with a foot on the inside.

"She's not here" Erin answered calmly, trying to sound authoritative. It was the truth, she hadn't looked after Ruby in almost a month, last she'd heard Hayden had found her a place at a daycare centre.

"I know she's in there. Let me in! She's MY daughter!" Sam raged, thumping at the door such that Erin had to brace her bodyweight against it to keep it from opening any further.

"Sam, Ruby isn't here. Call Hayden and ask him" Erin recommended, not sure how best to talk sense into the woman frantically searching for her daughter. Erin didn't even want to think how much of a mess she'd be if she was in that situation.

"What so he can lie some more? She's my daughter!" Sam repeated adamantly, rising onto her tiptoes to try to look past Erin into the house.

"And she isn't here" Erin attempted yet again, the woman barely listening to her it felt.

"Mama?!" Shay squeaked from the doorway of the lounge room, her voice alone enough to indicate she was in tears.

"It's okay Shay, go watch TV please" Erin instructed in what she hoped was an even and comforting manner. Wanting nothing more than to slam the door, lock it, scoop up her babies and never let them go she had to settle for a quick glance over her shoulder.

"RUBY? RUBY? Mummy's here baby" Sam shouted as she took advantage of Erin's moment of inattention to throw herself against the door, shoving it a little further open. It was still nowhere near enough of a gap for her to get through but regardless Erin knew she had to act.

"Sam. Sam stop" Erin ordered in her most commanding tone as she pushed through the door, forcing Sam back with her presence alone she closed the door. Sam seemed to realise she was losing her opportunity and rushed forth, attempting to push Erin aside. Erin simply caught both her wrists, holding them tightly as Sam continued to struggle. "She isn't here, hasn't been for weeks. You need to stop."

"Er, what's going on? Who is it?" Kelly questioned rapidly as he came storming out the door behind his wife. His size alone was intimidating to Sam, who leapt back and tried to look as if she hadn't been attempting to force her way into their home.

"If I find out she's here…" Sam began, encroaching on Erin's personal space in a show of determination before Kelly maneuvered himself between the two women.

"You'll what?" He enquired in a tone that even scared Erin a little. This was Kelly defending his property and family, something any reasonable person would understand and respect. "Because right now you're just upsetting our children and I'd like you to leave. Now" He commanded harshly, gesturing back down the front path sharply enough that Sam flinched.

"Fine, I'll go, but if she is here I'll be back" Sam hissed as she took a single step backwards, glaring at them both before she turned around and retreated down the stairs.

"Goodbye" Kelly called quite unnecessarily as she slammed the pedestrian gate closed behind herself. They both waited until she had gotten in her car and driven away before moving, Kelly simply turning to look at his wife. "You okay?" He asked softly, grasping her bicep he could feel her shaking in a combination of fear and pent-up aggression. It had been confronting to have someone at their front door like that, with absolutely no idea what she would do if she did manage to get inside.

"Mhm" Erin nodded, eyes distant as she nodded and swallowed hard, trying to process everything. Kelly knew to respect her answer despite thinking otherwise, rubbing her arm until she began to calm. It was then that she remembered that Shay was upset, eyes wide as she spun around, eager to get back to her girls.

"I'll…" Kelly began as he leaned around her and twisted the doorknob, pushing the door open for her to enter. Erin took one step then turned back around to face him, letting emotion show in her eyes for just a moment.

"Promise me that will never be us" She requested croakily.

"I promise" Kelly assured, remembering to lock the door before following her down the hallway to the lounge room. He could tell from the sounds he was hearing that both girls were okay.

"Arp, arp!" Chase barked like a seal, flopping around on the floor he was making both girls laugh, Ember held precariously on Shay's lap. The entertainment was meant as a distraction only and so when the girls' parents took over that responsibility Chase returned to the kitchen. A minute later he presented them with one very hot and slightly burned pizza and four paper plates, setting them on the coffee table before taking in the way Kelly and Erin had curled themselves around their daughters. He considered his options for a moment, one being burning his mouth on the delicious smelling pizza, another being joining them, and unsurprisingly chose the latter.

**There was a little drama but it just brought our family closer together so I hope you don't mind :D**


	213. Chapter 213

"Hey" Kelly greeted squeakily, a note of surprise in his voice as his head snapped around at the sound of the bathroom door opening. He rushed to drop the bag he had been holding, nudging it out of his wife's view behind the bed and masking the sound and movements by sitting on the end of the bed.

"Hey" Erin returned simply, clearly not noticing her husband's odd behaviour. "How did your session go?" She questioned, scrunching her hair with one towel while making her way across the room wrapped in another.

"Not bad. Good. Better…" He answered, searching for the right word to describe the gruelling rehabilitation appointment. "Nice shower?" He enquired, lifting the arm that didn't ache to mop sweat from his forehead, he was certainly in need of one.

"Yeah" Erin nodded, satisfied her hair was no longer dripping wet she hung the towel on a drawer handle, sighing deeply as she looked over to the wardrobe. She still hadn't decided what she was going to wear, likely because she hadn't really decided she wanted to go.

"Er" Kelly called to get her attention, leaning then grasping before placing the blue and white striped stiff cardboard bag on the bed.

"What's that?" She asked, doing her best to maintain a cool and unaffected expression despite the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"What does it look like?" He put back to her calmly, barely containing a smirk at her obvious attempt to hide her delight.

"A present" She conceded softly, biting her bottom lip as the smile spread to her eyes, twinkling brightly as her heart fluttered at the thoughtfulness of the gesture.

"Mhm" He confirmed, pushing the bag a little further across the bed.

"For me?" She questioned flatly, pulling a face and narrowing her eyes as if she expected him to say no.

"Yes" He half laughed, giving the bag one last shove out of his reach.

"Thank you" She whispered, her volume in no way representative of the gratitude she felt. Hitching up the towel she wore before crossing to the bed and reaching for the red tissue paper spilling from the bag, movements cautious and calculated.

"You don't even know what it is" Kelly warned, slightly amused by her reaction.

"It's from you" She shrugged, flashing him a smile before wasting precious time smoothing out and folding the tissue paper.

"Good point" He accepted, wondering if he was more excited than she was, anticipation forcing his heart rate to rise as she continued her slow progress towards the gift. At long last, when the pile of folded tissue paper towered as tall as the bag, she reached into the bag and unfurled something in a rich plum purple. As she drew it up slowly she was able to work out that, not unexpectedly, it was a dress, unlike any of the others she owned. With a square neckline, simple straps forming an intricate lattice of square cut-outs across the back and the flare of a skater dress in a more modest mid-thigh length skirt the dress itself was magnificent.

"Oh" She gasped, almost enviously, twisting the dress to admire it from all angles. It was truly beautiful but almost immediately after admiration came anxiety over whether or not it would fit and flatter her ever evolving shape. "Thank you" She repeated, tearing her eyes from the dress to look into his as she said it, this time there could be no question over its authenticity.

"You didn't have to, you shouldn't have… really I have plenty of clothes" She protested after a second's contemplation, watching the light in his eyes dim she began trying to fold the dress back into the bag. She had quite simply decided she would be more comfortable in a dress she already owned, that and she couldn't help but ponder the cost of such an exquisite garment. They were supposed to be saving money with him effectively out of work.

"I want to see you in that one though" Kelly insisted, yanking the bag back towards himself before flinging it to the floor, all while sending the tissue paper flying. The almost violent action had certainly taken her by surprise, frozen in place watching him uncertainly as he stood. Kelly rapidly closed the distance between them, taking her by the arms but waiting until she looked up into his eyes to speak. "Please."

"Uh" She mumbled, trying to think of some excuse when his stormy eyes were staring deep into her consciousness, exuding such comforting certainty that it was hard for her to think straight. After only a few seconds she had to look away, resolve wilting under the intensity of his gaze.

"Do you like it?" He asked evenly, rubbing a thumb across the bare skin of her arm while tipping her chin up gently with the other.

"Yes, absolutely" She answered, not only to spare his feelings either, it was a truly lovely dress.

"Well I bought the girls new clothes last week so this week it was your turn… And it's our first date night in a while so I wanted to make it special" He justified easily, he didn't want to admit that he'd expected this sort of reaction but he knew his wife. Erin was still visibly struggling to come to a firm decision and so Kelly did something he hoped would persuade her in the right direction.

Cupping her cheeks in his palms and spreading his fingers to accommodate her ears he dipped his head and found her mouth with his. In a single kiss he was trying to convey a lifetime of compliments and assurances, she was by far the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, his wife, his light, his love, his everything. In that dress, he wasn't entirely sure he'd be able to contain himself when the mental image alone was breathtaking. For just a moment he needed her to see herself how he saw her. It was an ambitious move but he knew it was working when she began to respond, deepening the kiss.

"Thank you" She breathed sometime later, their lips had parted moments earlier but now their foreheads separated too.

"I love you" He returned instead of accepting her thanks, she deserved so much more than a dress for her efforts in the last week, month, year even.

"I love you too" She affirmed, her eyes drifting back to the dress Kelly watched happily as a smile spread across her face. The next thing he knew she was rising onto tiptoes and crashing her lips to his, discarding the dress to the bed so she could wrap her arms around him.

Kelly's hands rose automatically to her back, pulling her in close then just catching the towel as it began to slip. He held it at either side but the front had already untucked, allowing her naked body to press against his somewhat sweaty gym clothes, his eyes drawn downwards when they finally remembered to breathe. "We could always just drop the girls off and come back here…" She suggested huskily, feeling powerful under his lingering stare.

"And miss out on making everyone jealous when they see you in that dress?" Kelly contended with a shake of the head, suspecting he would change his mind on the matter once she was actually in the dress.

"Babe" She tried to reason, noting the briefest flicker of hesitation.

"I want to take you out, it'll be fun" He held firm, giving her a look that told her she was wasting energy even considering getting out of it.

"If you'd rather hang out at Molly's than…" She didn't need to finish, he knew what she was saying. She seemed a little disappointed, like he'd made the wrong decision after dozens of increasingly unsubtle hints.

"Babe, we're going" He declared, taking on the dominant role. Erin rolled her eyes and was about to protest further, by proposing putting on the dress just for him, when the pitter-patter of little feet met their ears.

"Daddy!" Shay greeted cheerfully, surprised to see him there when she hadn't noticed him pass her bedroom. The toddler was so focused on her father that she didn't pay any attention to the way her mother was wrapping and tucking her towel back into place.

"Hey princess, what'cha up to?" Kelly asked, holding her under the arms before he remembered just how hard he'd pushed himself in his rehab session. He managed to mask his grimace by making a silly noise and pretending it was part of the fun as he lifted her to his hip.

"I havin' a pwob-lim Daddy" Shay confessed seriously, trusting his hold enough to cross her arms for emphasis.

"Oh? What sort of problem?" He enquired, forehead creasing a little because he was always very receptive to his daughter's needs.

"I no jammies" Shay informed, big worried eyes staring up at him.

"You have lots of jammies Shay" Erin interjected, she'd asked the two year old to put out some clothes for her sleepover while she took a five minute shower. She hadn't expected Shay to have any difficulty finding pyjamas and an outfit for the next day.

"No, Yeah" The toddler answered quickly, both parents requiring further elaboration of the contradictory statement. "No I gots too many lots-es. I no know chooooose" Shay justified, explaining in the most basic way she could the grave dilemma she faced.

"Just pick any" Erin recommended gently despite not being at all amused by Shay's tendency to overcomplicate the simplest things.

"Yeah but no… I wants da bestest jammies for sleeps-ing… You helps me Daddy?" Shay asked sweetly, giving that look he just couldn't say no to.

"Okay" Kelly agreed as he began to lower Shay to the floor.

"No!" The toddler screeched, clinging onto him like a baby monkey.

"You're too heavy for me to carry Shay" He attempted to reason, trying to loosen her grip on his shirt one finger at a time. He did eventually manage to dislodge the disgruntled little girl, Shay catching herself on her feet just as he released her completely.

"No you the biggliest strong-y-est Daddy. Up!" Shay demanded, thrusting her arms straight up before opening and closing her hands in a pitiful grasping motion. It was one of the first commands she'd learned and she was not at all pleased to find that it no longer worked.

"Uh-uh, how 'bout I hold your hand instead?" He offered, easily catching one of her hands in his own.

"Fine" Shay accepted, knowing the alternative was no contact at all she gripped his hand in return and began tugging.

"I want to see that on when I get back" Kelly instructed his wife, looking back over his shoulder as the toddler dragged him from the room.

"Not likely" Erin muttered to herself, the dress was great and it had certainly provided motivation to go which previously she had been severely lacking. However, if she put the dress on now there was absolutely no chance they would arrive on time, she simply couldn't function on the level required when wearing something with a skirt. Kelly was helping Shay so once dressed in sweatpants and a nursing camisole Erin turned her attention to Ember, checking on the infant to find her in a peaceful slumber. Packing clothes only took so long and soon Erin found herself committing the ultimate crime, waking a sleeping baby. "I'm sorry sweet girl."

"Umgh" Ember fussed, scrunching her little hands into fists and scrubbing one across her screwed up face while stretching the other arm out straight. She arched her back and drew her legs up to her chest before opening her dark blue eyes slowly, features remaining scrunched as she analysed the face hovering above her.

"Hey bubba, you hungry? Will you forgive me for some boob?" Erin questioned in an apologetic whisper, lifting Ember and cuddling her for a moment before moving toward the bed. As anticipated Ember seemed to forgive her mother the moment a breast was offered, smiling and drooling so much it took a few attempts to get her to latch properly before settling into a soothing rhythm.

Erin had missed these quiet moments, between Kelly and Shay she felt like she hadn't had a moment alone with her youngest in weeks. It really was only a few moments though, Ember lost interest as her stomach filled and bulged and around the time she gave up completely Kelly returned. He frowned a little to see the dress still lying there but softened as he watched his wife burp their well-fed baby.

"I'm just gonna to have a quick shower. Shay's choosing shoes, I told her one pair" Kelly explained, effectively summarising the last five minutes of conversation with the toddler. Shay had argued that because he'd said 'one pair' twice that meant she actually got to take **all** her shoes. After all she couldn't possibly go twelve hours without her dinosaur shoes or her princess shoes or her boots, even if she was really just going to be wearing them in the car.

"Okay" Erin nodded, checking her watch at his use of the word quick, wondering if he was trying to tell her something. He was, she really needed to get a move on. Trying to be efficient she changed and dressed Ember for the night, packed everything the baby would need from their bedroom then headed to Shay's room to help the toddler finish packing.

Ember rolled and army crawled her way around Shay's bedroom while Erin sorted through the things Shay had decided were essential for a sleepover. She ended up talking the toddler out of taking bath toys, her brother's lost watch, her dance costume, half her stuffed toys and all her hair clips, bows and ribbons. Two daytime outfits, pyjamas, a toothbrush, Roary and a bedtime story all that really needed to be in the overnight bag since Shay already wore the shoes she'd selected.

The toddler's bedroom was a complete mess by the time they were finished but there was no time to waste cleaning it up and the girls were having fun so Erin moved on. After lugging both their bags downstairs and gathering everything Hank would need to feed Ember into a third she was finally able to get ready herself. Checking on the girls on the way back to the bedroom she was confident they could entertain themselves for the five minutes it would take for her to get ready.

It wasn't the 'five minutes' a woman usually requires to get ready for a night out either, stripping out of her house clothes, pulling on more suitable underwear then shimmying into the dress in less than a minute. She lost a whole sixty seconds to admiring herself in the mirror, the exquisite dress somehow fit perfectly, then barged into the bathroom.

Erin managed to make up for lost time by leaving her hair as it was, trusting it would dry with a slight wave by the time they arrived. Keeping her makeup to a minimum was another time saving tactic. Mineral foundation, eyeliner and mascara topped off with her favourite beeswax lip balm since she didn't have lipstick in a shade that would suit her new dress. By the time Kelly emerged from the bathroom, water trickling down his chest before soaking into the towel slung around his hips, she was seated on the bed doing up her shoes.

"You look incredible" Kelly observed, sounding more than a little surprised since he'd had to do a double take. She was in approximately the same position she'd been in moments earlier, except the baby was nowhere to be seen, sweatpants and singlet replaced by a dress that he was so glad he'd taken the time to buy.

"You chose a beautiful dress" Erin answered, not trying to dismiss his comment she simply wanted him to know that he had contributed and that she was incredibly thankful.

"And it looks good on my beautiful wife" He returned, inhaling sharply as she stood. "Really good" He added, glad to see that it fit well since that had been the most difficult part of the purchase. Thankfully the shop assistant had been very helpful, equipped only with his vague measurements.

"Mmm… And as good as you look in that towel you should probably get dressed" She recommended after a moment eyeing him just as intently as he was her.

"How're we going for time?" Kelly asked, having left his watch in the bathroom.

"We'll make it" Erin answered confidently even though her watch was in the bathroom as well. Her wrist felt bare without it but it would look odd with the dress so she found a gold bangle and put that on instead. "No you're not wearing those, you'll make me look overdressed" She told him when she turned around to see him pulling on a pair of jeans.

"Nobody cares what I wear" He shrugged, zipping and buttoning despite her protest.

"I do" She informed with an unimpressed look.

"Which one?" He questioned a moment later, he wasn't changing his mind on the pants but he was willing to give her some input into which shirt he wore. Kelly held up two long sleeved button downs, identical but for colour, one white and the other black.

"That one, with your grey pants" She provided, pointing past him to the charcoal grey pants he wore on more formal occasions. With the black shirt they would make him look particularly handsome.

"Babe its Molly's" He reasoned, though he thought the whole conversation was just wasting time.

"Babe, its Molly's" She echoed with slightly different emphasis, gesturing to what she was wearing. She loved the dress but it definitely wasn't something she'd normally wear to the cosy little bar.

"And you look great" He reminded, finishing buttoning his shirt instead of meeting her eyes. "Are the girls ready?" He enquired a moment later, tension only increasing as he tucked then untucked the shirt, looking far more comfortable and relaxed than she did.

"Yep. I've already got all their stuff downstairs" She revealed, well exceeding his expectations. He had no idea how she had gotten ready so quickly but he wished she'd do it more often since he always seemed to be left waiting.

"You're too good" He complimented, hoping she would forgive him for ignoring her requests.

"I know" She accepted with a half laugh. "But it doesn't hurt to hear it."

"Let's go" He suggested, the alternative was to kiss her and if he did that he knew they'd never make it to Molly's. They exchanged looks and a combination of suggestive and daring eyebrow motions as they stepped out of the bedroom together. So focused on one another they were two full strides out the door before they took in their surroundings and reacted to Ember's precarious position at the top of the stairs.

"Em!" Erin called sharply, forgetting the heels she was wearing as she raced to grab the baby before she pushed herself forward and down the stairs. Kelly knew his wife was going to be quicker but still shadowed her as she scooped up the baby.

"Woah. Shay?" Kelly reacted, lifting Shay from where she sat on the top stair, apparently completely oblivious to what had been about to happen right next to her.

"I didn't do nuffin'" The toddler protested, twisting and squirming in his arms to look him properly.

"Is she okay?" Kelly questioned as a matter of priority.

"Yeah, she's fine" Erin nodded, having thoroughly checked the baby over she had been busy trying to calculate how fast she had moved to get there all the way from Shay's bedroom. It was possible she'd had help from her big sister but just as possible that she'd made it that far all by herself, getting stronger and quicker every day. "Shay she's too little to go near the stairs, she could fall and get hurt" Erin explained calmly, wanting the toddler to understand their response more than trying to tell her off.

"I wouldn't'a letted her hurted" Shay frowned, betrayal evident in her eyes as she stared down her mother. She would never let anything bad happen to her little sister.

"Okay" Erin allowed, not sure she would have liked to have waited to see the toddler's reaction. "It's time to go" She added after a long moment exchanging even more looks, some pointed some comforting.

"Papa?!" Shay asked excitedly, clapping her hands and squealing a little as they moved down the stairs.

"Yeah, we're going to Papa's" Kelly confirmed, smiling at his little girl as the surge of adrenaline began to fade. All had ended well.

"Yay!" Shay squeaked, wriggling such that her father put her down at the bottom of the stairs, leaving his hands free.

"Baby or bags?" He asked his wife, looking at the three bags on the floor by the front door and the diaper bag and car seat, it was a lot to carry to the car.

"Bags" Erin chose, not wanting to risk spit up on her new dress if Ember decided to repeat what she'd done the last time she'd dressed up to go out. It took her two trips but she got the four bags into the trunk, turned out the lights and locked up in the time it took Kelly to secure Ember in the backseat of the car. Since he was still adjusting the shoulder straps to accommodate their growing baby she opened the door on the other side for the toddler.

"Mama you're soooo pretty" Shay informed unexpectedly as she finished her wobbly jog over and paused in front of her mother, smiling broadly and patting at the skirt of the dress.

"Thank you Shay" She beamed, for some reason it meant a lot to her.

"I am sorry" The toddler pressed, struggling with eye contact for a moment as she thought about how her little sister had almost gotten her into trouble.

"It's okay, she's fine. We just need to be more careful, Mama should have been watching too." Erin crouched down before the two year old to be at her eye level as she explained.

"I watch her, promise" Shay vowed, knowing it would be her responsibility to look out for her little sister overnight at the sleepover.

"Thank you" Erin accepted, pressing a kiss to Shay's forehead as she straightened, she loved that her little girl could be so serious. "Up you go" She coaxed, extending a hand to help the toddler up into the car. Soon enough they were all buckled in and on their way.

**No excuses, I've just been tired. Hope this was okay :D**


	214. Chapter 214

"Pa-pa-di-Papa" Shay sung as she skipped along the sidewalk, they'd had to park a little way away since it was normal for everyone on that street to park right out the front of their homes, Hank included. Shay was glad she'd chosen her best skipping shoes, not that such a thing existed to anyone else, regardless the toddler was convinced the shoes had helped her get so far ahead of her parents. Of course it had nothing to do with the way they'd fussed about getting the bags and her baby sister out of the car.

"Wait up Shay" Erin called, not comfortable with the toddler getting any further ahead on the dimly lit street, the toddler going in and out of sight in the light cast by streetlights. Even in Hank's quiet neighbourhood it was still Chicago, no place for a toddler alone at night. Shay did exactly as she was told, stopping to wait patiently in the spotlight of a streetlight right up until her parents caught up, then she was off skipping ahead again.

"Papa?!" Shay shouted as she reached the front of the familiar house, upstairs lights on, a soft glow coming from behind the living room curtains as well. The toddler checked over her shoulder to make sure her parents were following before clambering up the stairs towards the front door.

Shay had her fist raised and poised to execute the crucial Frozen knock but before she could the light just inside the door came on, blindingly bright through the glass. Hank appeared in the light and pulled the door open, the usually gruff sergeant cracking a genuine smile when his overexcited granddaughter threw herself at him. To Erin and Kelly at the bottom of the stairs it was a blur of shrieks, giggles, chuckles and cuddles.

"Good to see you too princess" Hank replied to Shay's unintelligible excited babble, the toddler giggling as he lay her back in his arms, cradling her like a baby. "Goodnight, sleep tight. Up to bed now, I'll be up to tuck you in in a minute" He explained, rocking the toddler a few times before setting her down at the bottom of the stairs, patting her backside to usher her up them.

Shay's eyes widened in horror, she'd been looking forward to seeing her grandpa all day and now he was sending her straight to bed. "It is called a **sleep**over you know" He added, gesturing up the stairs firmly before looking to Erin and Kelly in the doorway. Erin rolled her eyes and his façade cracked, smile spreading and a deep chuckle resonating from his deep in his chest as he looked back to the toddler. The two year old's face was the definition of confusion, eyebrows pitched, eyes darkening as she searched his face.

"Silly!" She burst out in response to a wink, figuring out that he was joking. "It no my bed-y-time Papa! You being silly" Shay concluded, scrunching her face in pretend anger before laughing since she thought she had tricked him in return.

"Yes I was being silly. Now tell me princess, have you had your dinner?" Hank asked gently, feeling a little bad for confusing the little girl. He had completely forgotten that kids that age didn't yet have the ability to tell when somebody was kidding.

"Nope" Shay answered instantly, shaking her head emphatically before realising her parents were standing right behind her.

"Yes she has" Erin corrected, frowning at the toddler.

"I was being silly" Shay defended sweetly, adding a shrug and a giggle for good measure. "But I am hundry Mama" She added matter-of-factly when it didn't seem like there was going to be any repercussion for lying.

"You are not" Erin denied, even if she put it down to a growth spurt the toddler had been eating like a vacuum cleaner, just about inhaling anything and everything put before her.

"Yeah!" Shay argued adamantly. "My belly is so rumbly."

"Well you're in luck, I wasn't sure what the arrangements were going to be so I bought nuggets" Hank informed, looking from Erin to the toddler quickly because he didn't want it to seem like he was seeking approval. As far as he was concerned when the girls were under his roof they were his responsibility, and his responsibility as a grandparent was to spoil them.

"Oh!" Shay gasped, clapping her hands to her open mouth before emitting a sound so high in pitch her grandpa's smile faded to a look of alarm. "FANK YOU!" The words practically exploded from her little body, now quivering with excitement as she wrapped her arms back around his leg.

"They're still cooking so you'll have to wait" He explained, ruffling her hair since her little ponytail was already pretty messy. "Go have a look what's on the TV" He encouraged, knowing it would make for a smooth handover if she was distracted.

"She really doesn't need to eat anymore" Erin was quick to tell him as the toddler rushed off into the living room.

"She says she's hungry. I've never sent a kid to bed hungry" He reminded, giving her a look that told her it was a serious matter.

"I know" Erin accepted softly. Kelly didn't miss the knowing look they shared, he knew his wife's life had been radically changed when Hank and his family had made that house her home. "But she's not hungry, she's just growing again" She reasoned. Erin had always been conscious of what she let Shay eat, wanting her to have a healthy start in life, of course there were exceptions and there really was no reason why this couldn't be one.

"I've noticed, but I got the dinosaur shaped ones especially" He attempted, giving her an excessively hopeful look in an effort win her over. Erin had to mask her immediate reaction, knowing that unlike the ones she bought nuggets in novelty shapes were never one hundred percent chicken breast. "You look nice by the way" Hank provided when that strategy didn't seem to be working.

"Thanks" Erin couldn't help but reply, knowing what he was doing but deciding to let it go.

"I haven't seen that one before" Hank persisted, just in case there was any chance she was going to try to forbid him from feeding Shay dinosaur shaped nuggets.

"It's new" She nodded, looking at her husband in a way that made it obvious to Hank that the younger man had bought the dress as some sort of gift.

"Ahh. Well go enjoy yourselves" He suggested, reaching across to take the car seat, and his sleeping baby granddaughter, from Erin's hand. She wasn't so easily gotten rid of though.

"Take the bags up" She instructed her husband, pointing to the stairs before meeting his clueless look. "Right at the top" She added since he probably hadn't ever been upstairs there before. She'd gotten off lightly in comparison, having carried the car seat in one hand and the bag of feeding gear in the other, Kelly was laden with the diaper bag and a separate bag for each of the girls. "This needs to go in the kitchen" She explained, trying to push past Hank to the kitchen, wanting to make sure everything was stored properly. "Sorry but I only had two feeds of milk to pack…" She trailed off as he continued to stand firmly in her way.

"We'll be fine" Hank assured, making measured movements like some sort of hostage negotiator he took the bag and the baby from her.

"She shouldn't need a bottle until around eleven. And she should sleep pretty well after that, until four-ish" Erin instructed, trying to think of a way to convince her husband that they should come back after the party so that she could feed Ember herself. "Shay please!" She pleaded, the toddler's squeals from the living room were only getting louder, making it impossible to think straight. "What is it?" She questioned abruptly, distracted by the noise she at least wanted to understand why Shay was making it.

"Frozen Fever. It's a mini-movie, like ten minutes or something. It came with the paper last Sunday. I thought I'd win her over with it" Hank explained gently, he could tell she was anxious and wanted her to know that he was trying to make the drop-off as smooth as possible.

"Yeah?" She asked softly, a little surprised but definitely touched by his thoughtfulness. "Thank you. Really. For everything" She managed, feeling like a complete emotional wreck to be tearing up over something so simple. It wasn't simple though, it was one tiny component of what he had done and was doing for her.

"Go on, get outta here" Hank urged as Kelly came back down the stairs, deciding a little tough love was better than drawing attention to her distress. Erin began to back away, although he could tell she was hesitant to leave so soon, eyeing the sleeping baby in the car seat longingly.

"Bye Shay" Kelly called before opening the door, holding it for his wife to pass through. He doubted the toddler would be able to hear him over her own noise but assumed he'd missed out on goodbyes while upstairs. Erin gave Hank one last look over her shoulder, pulling herself together enough to give an appreciative half smile, then let her husband guide her out the house and down the stairs.

"And don't come back!" Hank muttered to himself as he shut the door behind the couple. Shaking his head in amusement then quieting as he watched Kelly pulled Erin in against his side, slipping his arm around her waist. Confident she would be alright Hank turned his attention back to his two little charges.

"You so silly" Shay accused from the living room doorway, little hands on her hips.

"You're the silly one, haven't you got it started yet?!" He questioned as he ushered her back into his living room, the way the cushions were scattered across the room suggested she'd been jumping on the couch. He didn't know what had gotten her so excited though since the DVD was still only open to the menu screen. Setting Ember down next to his seat he placed the bag next to her for the time being, tossing cushions back into place as he searched for the remote.

"I no know 'llowed'" Shay defended, thinking she had been a good girl waiting patiently for him.

"You're allowed. And the nuggets will be ready at the end" He notified, handing her the remote because she could navigate the buttons faster than he could without his glasses.

"Ooh, thank you" Shay answered politely, waiting until he was seated to jab the button that would start the movie. Hank patted his knee and fully expected the toddler to get up and move to sit on his lap but instead she sunk to the floor right where she had stood, eyes glued to the television. Hank tried to pay attention to the storyline but watching his granddaughter devour every frame was far more entertaining.

"Did you like that?" Hank asked as the credits finished, the toddler still hadn't looked away from the screen and he wasn't sure he'd ever seen such intense concentration from the two year old.

"Mm" The toddler grunted as she jabbed the play button again, quickly reimmersing herself in the magical world of princesses and talking snowmen. Hank had to chuckle at her response, surely it was good if she wanted to watch it again straight away. He wasn't even sure she noticed him leave the room, taking the bag Erin had handed him to the kitchen and returning a few minutes later with two plates of nuggets. Shay barely acknowledged him as he put a plastic placemat in front of her then set her plate down on that, craning her neck to keep watching.

The two year old dipped her dinosaur shaped nuggets in the tomato sauce and stuffed them into her mouth one by one, all without looking away from the television. The third repetition was just as well received as the second but by the fourth she had finished eating and made an attempt to interact with the animated characters, laughing and mumbling along with the story. Since watching the movie had long since become boring Hank was glad for the change, learning a lot about the toddler's interpretation of the events portrayed in the movie through her chattering.

"No more Shay, it's time for bed" He said as the credits began to roll for the fourth time, one more run through and he'd likely have the script memorised.

"But…" Shay murmured, she wanted to argue but it was almost as if she didn't know how, not with her grandpa anyway. He had a look in his eye that told her it wasn't even worth trying to change his mind.

"You can watch it again in the morning, its sleep time now" He reasoned, pushing himself up out of his chair he held his hand out for the remote.

"Umkay Papa" Shay accepted, handing over the remote before standing up herself, almost surprised to see the plate and placemat.

"Good girl" He affirmed, turning off the electronics before collecting up the plates. "Head up and find your toothbrush for me" He instructed, seeing no point in the highly capable toddler waiting around for him. Shay didn't hesitate that time, rushing off up the stairs to do what she was asked.

Hank fussed about in the kitchen for a few minutes, making sure everything was clean, turning on the dishwasher and then setting out a bottle ready for Ember. He took the baby with him up the stairs and transferred her from the car seat to the portable crib while Shay finished getting dressed. She had clearly been distracted from her task by the prospect of showing off her pyjamas, remembering only once he'd acknowledged the change.

"I finded it!" Shay announced, thrusting her toothbrush up into the air after rummaging around in her bag for it.

"Good job" Hank praised softly, patting Ember's stomach a few more times before turning his attention back to the more demanding of the two. "I bet your Mama likes it when you brush your teeth" He commented as he applied toothpaste to the toddler's toothbrush in the bathroom a moment later.

"I gotta do it so proper" Shay informed seriously.

"Yep, do it properly" Hank encouraged as he handed over the toothbrush. The toddler immediately set about demonstrating her 'proper' technique, brushing motions slowing as she attempted to tell him something. "Don't talk until you're finished."

"You gotted to brush you teefs Papa" She told him the moment she was done.

"Do I?" He questioned, thinking it probably wasn't a bad idea since they were already in the bathroom.

"Yeah, real proper. I watchin' yooou" Shay warned seriously, narrowing her eyes as he took his toothbrush and toothpaste in hand.

"This good?" He enquired as he began.

"NO Talk 'til you finish!" The toddler snapped, shaking her finger to tell him off. She continued to watch like a hawk and for Hank, who was used to living alone it was almost unnerving having an audience. "Was that properly?" He asked when he'd finished rinsing his mouth, dropping his toothbrush back into the holder.

"Umkay I s'ppose" Shay allowed after taking a moment to deliberate.

"You ready for me to tuck you into bed now?"

"No, I tucks **you **into bed now Papa" The toddler contended with a cheeky glint in her eyes.

"You're going to tuck me in?" He considered, not seeing that it would do any harm to play along.

"Yep. It **is** called a sleepober you know! Goodnight, sleep tight…" Shay mimicked, reaching up to slap at his bottom until he began to move.

"I'm going" He assured, seizing her hand but only holding it long enough for her to get the message.

"In" Shay ordered as they entered his bedroom, the toddler pointing to the bed and giving him a stern look. Hank raised an eyebrow then stepped out of his jeans and unbuttoned his shirt, climbing into his bed in his undershirt and boxers just as he did every night.

"Okay I'm in" He sighed, laying back and pulling up the blankets he couldn't wait to see what she did next.

"'Kay… Up!" She commanded severely, reaching both her hands out to him for help up on to the bed.

"You want to come up here?" He asked her to clarify that was really what she wanted.

"Up!" The toddler repeated just as firmly. He pulled her up onto the bed with ease, holding in a groan when she kneed him in the stomach as she crawled over him. "Nighty-night-night Papa" She began, pulling the blankets up as far as they would go. "You sleepsies so goodly boy. You no wake me up 'til da mornin' now" She reasoned seriously, clearly repeating something she had been told numerous times. She watched him quietly for a minute then reached out and began to pat his chest. "Sleep, sleep, sleep" She uttered half a dozen times before he closed his eyes.

Shay was very pleased with herself for getting him to sleep so easily, looking after grown-ups was so much easier than caring for her baby sister she concluded. Continuing to replicate the behaviours she'd had modelled she leaned down and gave his forehead a big kiss, patting his cheek roughly enough that it would have woken him if he'd truly been asleep. Satisfied with her work Shay crawled across the bed and looked down, it seemed like a long way so she rolled over and tried to slide down. Her feet couldn't quite touch the ground so she grabbed the bedside table to steady herself for the last few inches.

"Oopsie" Shay hissed when the bedside table tipped a little, the lone photo frame crashing to the floor. It wasn't broken but when she looked up across the bed her fear was confirmed.

"That's okay, pop it back up" Hank suggested calmly, shifting over in the bed to help her set the photo frame up the right way.

"Who dat?" The toddler enquired, finally looking at the photograph once it was back where it should be.

"That's my wife, your Nana, Camille" Hank shared, smiling affectionately at the frozen moment in time.

"Oh" Shay said because she couldn't think of anything better, leaning in to get a closer look. "She pretty like Mama."

"Yeah, she was" Hank agreed easily.

"Is she at work?" Shay questioned with such innocence that Hank had to smile.

"Nope" He shook his head, knowing he was approaching difficult territory.

"Where den? She no here" Shay could guarantee once she'd crouched down to look under the bed.

"Oh she's here" Hank assured. "She's right in here" He explained, tapping the middle of the toddler's chest with a fingertip.

"Why?" Shay posed as she looked down at where his finger had touched, a little uncertain.

"Because she loves you so much, even though she can't be here in person she's always here in your heart" He justified, if it was true for him it was true for the little girl too. His wife, her grandmother, would always be right there with them.

"Umkay…" Shay nodded as she processed what he had said, it didn't seem like something he would lie about. "You go sleeps now" She reminded, taking another long look at the picture before moving towards the door.

"Goodnight Shay" Hank called from his bed, watching the toddler as she walked back down the hall to what had once been her mother's bedroom. It was only a matter of minutes before the sound of little footsteps could be heard making their way back to the doorway.

"Papa… You please come tuck me in now" The toddler requested softly.

"Okay."

**This probably isn't what you were expecting for this chapter but I couldn't help but write some sweet Hank and Shay moments. As for the delay I've just taken on a whole lot of responsibility, in fact I'm now responsible for a whole other human being and that's both daunting and time consuming. The Linseride date night is coming soon I promise! **


	215. Chapter 215

**I'm incredibly sorry for the lengthy delay. I've had some family issues to deal with and the stress of it all meant that I've been quite sick as well. Thank you all for your patience and understanding. **

* * *

The drive to Molly's was quiet, the air in the confined space heavy with an oppressive silence. To Kelly it was particularly deafening, unsure whether his wife was deep in thought or if she was annoyed with him. He hated feeling like he was making her do something she didn't want to do and he hoped she would allow herself to relax and enjoy the limited time they had alone together.

Erin was oblivious to the uncomfortable silence, fingers twisting her seatbelt mindlessly as she gazed out the window. Staring out into the darkness, her eyes were drawn to the light spilling from windows near and far. Even if there was only one person for each pinpoint of light there were still too many to comprehend, each with their own life story. Her world seemed so big and so crushingly small at the same time, the events of her daily life almost completely insignificant in the scheme of things.

The glow of neon lights, the realization they were stationary and a gust of cold air as Kelly opened the car door for her brought her back to reality. It was an existential crisis for some other time but even getting out of the house and socializing seemed like a step in the right direction. The momentary delay left her playing catch up, undoing the seatbelt and getting out of the car while her husband waited, holding the door.

"This should be fun" Erin offered in response to her husband's uncertain gaze, he was trying to decipher what she was thinking as he cautiously reached around her to close the car door. Erin was quick to dispel any fears he had, keeping close to him as they began the short walk, nudging him with her shoulder until he wrapped his arm around her.

"Mm… But if it's not we'll make it" Kelly agreed at last, shaking his head a little as he pulled her in tighter against his side. There was a cool breeze carrying away the clear skied summer's day they'd had, blowing straight through his light cotton shirt and no doubt catching her exposed skin as well. The chill made her feel alive, as did his fingertips on her bare shoulder, a content smile spreading across her face as she slid her arm around him. Kelly opened the sturdy wooden door and they entered the bar arm in arm.

"Uhm?" Erin questioned immediately, scanning the practically empty space before looking to her husband in confusion.

"What time was on the invite? Are we early?" He enquired, just as perplexed as she was by the lack of people. Gabby was alone behind the bar, her husband sat before her with a beer in his hand and three rowdy guys that Erin could instantly tell were Adam's friends sat at a table toward the back.

"Eight and no, we're five minute late" She provided after twisting his wrist a little so that she could check the time using his watch.

"Are you sure?" He asked in disbelief, that couldn't be right. An engagement party without the engaged couple or the party.

"Mhm" She nodded, retrieving the invitation Hank had given her from her small black leather handbag. It wasn't hard to locate given the minimal contents of the bag, her phone, lip balm, an old business card and a pen the only other things she kept in it.

"We did the same thing" Gabby called across to them, waving them over to the bar as she flashed an identical invitation their way.

"Figured they must've gotten held up at work" Matt shared his assumption, he couldn't really think of any other circumstance that warranted being late to your own party.

"They can't have. Hank's watching our girls" Erin explained, knowing he was always the last to leave. She couldn't help but look around at the empty space again, it wasn't just the couple whose engagement they were celebrating that were missing.

"Hm, dunno then" Matt shrugged, taking a sip of his beer as he looked his colleague over.

"Doesn't matter, we're here. How have you been?" Gabby asked, gesturing for them to take a seat as she smiled friendlily.

"You're looking better than last time I saw you" The Casey's said synchronously, Gabby speaking to Erin while Matt spoke to Kelly, the statement was true in both cases.

"That's creepy" Erin informed, pulling a face as she slid onto the barstool her husband held for her.

"Mhm" Kelly nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of his wife's head before taking the seat between her and Matt.

"But I'm good and he's getting there so… yeah" She concluded, answering for them both when she looked back to Gabby.

"Good. Now what do you want to drink?" Gabby asked the other woman, setting a beer down in front of Kelly because she knew him well enough that she didn't even need to ask.

"Uh…just water?" Erin replied, with a shrug, there really weren't very many options available to her. She couldn't and didn't want to drink anything alcoholic, all the more reason to feel out of place in a bar.

"Boring. We have sparkling grape juice, it's good" Gabby suggested, holding up a wine glass of what Erin had previously assumed was white wine.

"Why aren't you drinking?" Erin questioned teasingly, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

"No" Gabby was quick to shut down. "I'm just being responsible, somebody's got to make sure everyone gets home safe. And if that lot are anything to go by it's gonna get wild when they do turn up" She explained, frowning at the men who had already dropped and smashed two beer bottles before Erin and Kelly arrived.

"I'll give it a go" Erin decided, pointing to the wine glass to make sure Gabby knew what she was talking about as they switched back to the original subject. "Thanks" She added when a glass was set before her. Gabby made a quick toast to nights out without kids which they all drank to before making small talk as they waited for other people to arrive.

"Ooh" Erin provided, the first to recognise the sound of the door opening and spin around. They wanted to see Kim and Adam but instead Chase and Nadia entered, both quickly assuming confused looks. Chase gestured at the empty space and cocked an eyebrow at his parents, trying to establish where everyone else was. "Don't ask us."

"Right" Chase nodded, exchanging a look with his girlfriend before making their way to the bar.

"How was your day?" Erin asked, automatically reaching across to flatten an unruly curl of blonde hair.

"Good. Mum stop, she was just doing that" Chase complained, frowning at Nadia before taking his mum's hand by the wrist and pushing it away, shaking his head so his hair settled back the way it had been.

"Well…" She began in a tone that told him there was something he could do about it.

"I know, I need to get it cut" He inserted before Erin could say that as well, Nadia smiled triumphantly to hear that what she had told him moments earlier had gotten through.

"Yep" Erin nodded before turning her attention to Nadia. "How are you?"

"Good. Feels like it's been forever but we saw each other last weekend" The younger woman smiled as she stepped closer and met Erin in a hug.

"Yeah, thanks for coming" She replied, even though they hadn't really had much of a chance to talk while out at the aquarium.

"We had fun" Nadia assured, running her hand down Chase's arm as she looked to him for confirmation. Chase nodded fervently as he swallowed the mouthful he'd just taken and set the beer down, he wished he had been able to spend more time with his family but work had taken over his life. In fact he was still thinking about it.

"The guys said they were headed over here, I wonder what's taking them so long" Chase contributed, looking around to the door expectantly.

"Capp always takes forever to do his hair" Kelly informed flatly, a smile spreading across his face at the first snigger. While no one actually laughed it was clear Kelly thought his joke was a success, misinterpreting the head shaking as an inability to express so much amusement when it was really a sign of how bad a joke it had been.

"You're so not funny" Erin broke to him harshly, patting his cheek and shaking her head in faux disgust.

"They laughed" Kelly defended, thinking his joke was even more successful if he'd embarrassed his wife.

"No they didn't" She clarified, urging him to look around with a pointed look he noted several uneasy expressions, she was right. It was a dad joke. Thankfully he was saved from further discussion on the matter by the sound of the door opening.

"Oh here they are" Gabby announced, seeing Adam and Kim before everyone else since they were all facing away from the door.

"Hey! Gosh you're all here early" Kim greeted as she made her way towards them. Adam gave a quick wave on his way past, heading straight towards the table of his friends, who were hollering and banging the table loudly in some strange sort of welcome.

"The invite says eight" Nadia reasoned, not trying to be argumentative, just letting Kim know that they weren't actually early, they were on time.

"Yeah but you say eight so everyone's here at nine" Kim explained as if it were common knowledge.

"Nine?!" Erin questioned, trying to mask her alarm at the realisation the party wasn't actually going to start for another three quarters of an hour.

"You're such a mum Erin! Nine is early!" Kim laughed, quieting quickly when no one else joined her. She mightn't have intended for it to come across as patronising but it certainly did, leaving everyone feeling uncomfortable as her smile fell.

"Well, I'll still be here at nine" Erin assured softly, not really sure what else to say. And while they were still there at nine it was a close call, that exchange seeming to set the tone for the rest of the evening. Erin plastered a fake smile on her face and pretended to enjoy herself, all the while feeling completely out of place. Kelly got caught up with his squad, leaving his wife to sit alone at the bar, occasionally chatting with Gabby or Nadia when they weren't socialising with people Erin had never met.

She briefly managed to hold a decent conversation with Hayden Powell, who began by apologising profusely for his soon to be ex-wife's behaviour, before the music was turned up. Erin eyed the shots Gabby was pouring enviously, it was too loud to think, she was lonely while surrounded by hundreds of people and in that moment alcohol seemed like the only thing that would make being there easier. Instead she drained the last of the foul tasting grape juice from her wine glass and spun around, she located her husband swiftly and waited to make eye contact.

"Hey baby, I'm sorry" Kelly practically shouted over the music as he staggered towards her, unsteady thanks to one too many beers and the crush of people moving with the music. Before she could reply in words or gestures he was kissing her, fingers tangling in her hair as he held her firmly.

"Babe" Erin complained, shoving him away when he attempted to deepen the kiss. Someone must have found the volume control because the music suddenly dropped in volume, Erin could have hugged whoever it was but was too busy frowning at her husband to look around. If she had bothered she would have known the music was turned down because Atwater had stepped up to give some sort of speech.

"You aren't having fun" Kelly deduced after a moment, lowering his voice to speak only to the woman he had neglected so far that evening. It was ironic that he'd been the one to leave her alone given he'd insisted she come out and spend time with him in the first place.

"I don't know anyone, I can't drink and I'm starving" She justified flatly, she hated to say it since he was having so much fun but it was the truth.

"Mm" He nodded, biting his lip as he processed what she was saying and tried to work out what he could do to make it up to her.

"How are you not hungry?" She asked, both genuinely curious and wanting to make the path to redemption clear. It wasn't a difficult question but Kelly immediately became nervous, unable to maintain eye contact. He wasn't a particularly good liar at the best of times but under the influence Erin could read him like a book. "Babe?" She pressed, giving him a chance to come clean.

"I might have gotten a cheeseburger on the way home from rehab" He confessed reluctantly.

"A cheeseburger?"

"Please don't get angry… I worked hard" Kelly defended in a rapid hiss, ignoring the looks they were getting from those around them who were trying to listen to Kim's best friend's speech.

"Do you know when I last had a cheeseburger?" She questioned sadly, giving him a betrayed look and pushing out her bottom lip for extra effect.

"Okay, okay. So let's get out of here, I'll buy you one" He leant forward to whisper in her ear, kissing her cheek as he lent back then tucking her hair behind her ear affectionately. She gave him a look. "Without the cheese" He added in response.

"Thank you" She accepted, kissing him softly before standing up. She looked around for someone to alert to their departure with a wave but couldn't spot Gabby, Nadia or Chase. Allowing Kelly to navigate through the crowd she was glad when they got outside, fresh air and personal space something that had been lacking inside.

"Diner around the corner alright?" Kelly asked, stopping near their car but gesturing in the direction of the diner. The one upside to arriving 'early' was that they'd gotten one of the prime parking spots right out the front.

"Yeah, we'll just have to walk fast" She reasoned, rubbing her hands up and down her exposed arms to delay the inevitable outbreak of goosebumps.

"I can get a jacket out of the car" He offered, she was already a few strides ahead of him, spinning around to walk backwards as she called her reply.

"Cheeseburger!" It came out like a war cry, Erin turning to face the way she was going before beginning a light jog.

"Don't run in those, you'll hurt yourself!" Kelly shouted after his wife, not sure what had gotten into her, the cold air was certainly sobering. He followed the click of her heels and her carefree laughter down the pavement, giving in to her enthusiasm and chuckling as he ran to catch up, getting there just in time to pull open the glass door for her. The moment they stepped inside they noticed the familiar faces at the first booth.

"What are you doing here?" Erin questioned, still smiling but a little out of breath so her voice was low and husky. Kelly cleared his throat in an attempt to stop those particular words having an effect on him, thankfully no one seemed to notice.

"We decided we were too old for parties" Gabby provided with a shrug.

"And hungry" Matt added, holding up a burger.

"Same" Erin agreed, shoving Kelly towards the counter so that he could place their order directly and save her waiting any longer.

"Come sit with us" Gabby urged, gesturing to the unoccupied side of the booth. Erin looked to her husband then moved to do just that, sliding across so that there was space for him when he joined them.

"Where's my cheeseburger?" She questioned as soon as he sat down.

"It's coming" He assured, patting her hand comfortingly, he hadn't seen her that desperate for food since she'd been pregnant.

"And you made sure…" She had to check.

"No cheese" He confirmed before she even had to ask.

"Thank you" Erin smiled, having forgotten they had company until after she'd leaned across and kissed his cheek.

"A cheeseburger without cheese?" Gabby questioned from the other side of the table, as far as she was concerned that was a ridiculous order.

"Emmy's lactose intolerant" Erin explained though she was sure Gabby already knew, she didn't blame her for not remembering though, it wasn't as if they were close anymore.

"That's right. Gosh, you're a better mum than I am" Gabby declared, she'd given up on breastfeeding after a few painful attempts and couldn't really imagine persisting and giving up dairy entirely.

"That's not true" Erin denied, knowing Gabby would do anything for Aiden just as she would for either of her girls. "How is the little man?"

"Not so little any more. He's growing like crazy at the moment, up two sizes in two months" Gabby shared proudly, though she couldn't help but look a little tired as she said it. Having a growing boy was a job in itself but she'd been working alternating shifts to her husband at the firehouse as well. It was the first night she'd had off from both jobs in months.

"Wow. It's been a while since I've seen him, how big is he now?" Erin asked, thankful they had friends with similar lives to their own.

"Are you guys coming to Antonio's pool party next weekend?" Gabby enquired instead of answering the question.

"I don't think we were invited…" She shook her head, not that she was going to ask to be. She definitely wasn't going to let Hank get involved either, that hadn't turned out well though she remained hopeful they could salvage their night.

"Well you are now" Gabby concluded cheerily.

"Are you sure?" Erin checked, the last thing she wanted to do was arrive uninvited.

"Yeah, 'Tonio won't mind. He wants it to be an annual thing, you were there last year. And we've missed seeing you around. When are you getting back to work Mister?" Gabby asked, looking to Kelly, before Erin could ask any further questions and overcomplicate the friendly gesture.

"Well I have my medical clearance appointment with the department doctor tomorrow afternoon…" Kelly began to answer.

"What?! Since when?" Erin demanded, turning to face him she blocked out the presence of anyone else and focused on letting him know she wasn't happy to be learning of the appointment under such circumstances.

"I'm sorry babe" He apologised seriously, placing a calming hand on her thigh. "I meant to tell you... The... The dress distracted me" He reasoned weakly, hoping she would see that he really hadn't been trying to keep it from her. Buying the dress and going out meant it had completely slipped his mind, as important an appointment it might be.

"It's a great colour on you" Gabby interjected, wanting to spare Kelly and distract Erin.

"Thanks" Erin acknowledged, glancing away from her husband before reassuming her disappointed frown.

"Er, I'm sorry" Kelly apologised again, wrapping his arms around her then pulling her onto his lap. In a newer diner the foam in the cushions would have been too firm for their legs to fit underneath the table at the same time so he was glad they had chosen this one.

"Mmm" She grumbled, finding it impossible to remain angry with him when he held her safe and warm in his arms.

"So we'll see you on Monday then?" Matt concluded, confident that Kelly would be back at work as soon as possible but uncertain about bringing up a topic that had caused conflict.

"How does Chase feel about that?" Gabby enquired before Kelly had a chance to answer her husband, she was constantly curious about their family dynamic since they'd taken in Chase.

"He doesn't know yet, and I might not get cleared…" Kelly answered with an indifferent shrug, allowing his wife to leave his lap as their food was delivered.

"You'd better" Erin said, reaching across to his plate and stealing a chip before even touching any of her own.

"Now you want me to go back?" He questioned, confused by her complete change of heart.

"Of course I want you to go back. That would mean you're healthy. I'd just like to know about it beforehand" She explained, though she wasn't sure she really did want him to go back. It seemed awfully sudden and she wanted to be one hundred percent sure he was up to the job before she allowed him out of her sight.

"He's been doing really well, he's so thorough" Matt added, clearly referring to Kelly's prodigy.

"You saying I'm not?" Kelly immediately narrowed in on.

"Yeah" Matt answered honestly, he was probably the only person who could get away with that. "He's got this inventory thing, well he's developing it. It's good"

"An inventory?" Erin asked, sounding a little dismissive because she knew Kelly had to fill out an inventory form every few months, he always complained about it.

"More like a schedule, of equipment maintenance" Matt elaborated, attempting to use hand gestures to communicate, though that proved exceedingly difficult given the subject.

"Oh okay, he hasn't said anything about it" Erin accepted, making a mental note to ask Chase about it the next time she had a chance.

"He hasn't said much at all" Kelly corrected with a sigh, he knew the kid was busy with work but he was envious and wouldn't mind it if Chase didn't make his job seem so easy. As if prompted by the statement they allowed the conversation to die momentarily, turning their attention to the food before them.

"This has been great but we should get going…" Gabby began seconds after placing her napkin on her plate to indicate she was finished. "We'll catch up properly at the pool party" She reasoned, exchanging a look with her husband that Erin wished she had missed, it made it very obvious why they wanted to leave so quickly. "One o'clock next Saturday, bring swimmers, towels… and Shay and Emmy of course. I'll text you" Gabby finished as she got up, Matt taking her hand as he slid from the booth and stood next to her.

"Okay, thanks" Erin nodded, still unsure about the invitation she was likely going to call Antonio just to check.

"Have a nice night" Matt added as Gabby began to drag him towards the door.

"We will" Kelly assured, looking to his wife since he was sure they were already out of earshot.

"Ah…" The young waitress tried to get Matt and Gabby's attention as she rushed over, the door had already closed though, her customers having just left.

"They forgot to pay?" Erin asked as the waitress made eye contact with her, it was clear she didn't want to go running down the street after the other couple.

"Don't worry, we'll handle it" Kelly volunteered, not only was he in a good mood but it was also the right thing to do.

**So the Burzek engagement party wasn't all it was cracked up to be, will their night improve? **


	216. Chapter 216

**I've divided the rest of their night into two parts, this is part one. Both have M rated sections… Enjoy :D**

Kelly had been a little surprised when his wife suggested he drive, not that he wasn't up to the task. The effects of the alcohol had all but worn off thanks to a combination of the greasy hamburger, an extensive public make out session and the windy walk back to their car. He was absolutely astounded though when she slammed their front door in his face. The smug smirk he'd assumed when she'd gotten out of the car hurriedly and dashed up the front path disappeared, it seemed like she wasn't as eager for the next part of their evening as he had previously thought.

"Er, open up" He requested firmly, testing the doorhandle because he didn't quite believe what she'd done.

"Knock" She demanded impatiently, her voice clear and steady as it travelled through the wooden door. It was no more than an inch and a half thick and standing either side they were physically close, yet at the same time completely separated by the barrier she'd imposed. Kelly could get through it in a matter of seconds if he were determined enough, determined to get into his own house. He couldn't quite imagine that though, knocking down his own front door.

"Erin" He attempted to reason, more confused than anything.

"Knock" She repeated, her tone a conflicting mixture of playful and irritated. Kelly sighed loudly enough that she would have been able to hear him before raising his fist. Whether it was habit or an attempt to lighten the mood he timed the five raps of his knuckles just as their two year old would. He wasn't sure why he felt so anxious as the lock clicked and the door cracked open, his wife's face appearing in the gap, a little lower than he'd expected because she'd gotten rid of the heels. "What are you doing here?" She delivered alluringly.

Kelly wanted to roll his eyes, laugh or get her back with mock anger but instead he pushed through the door and grabbed hold of her. Heart thudding rapidly as that hot, tingly feeling spread through him, finding an insane amount of pleasure in the soft gasp she gave as he pressed her to the wall. His mouth found hers, kissing her fiercely while reaching back around for the door, fumbling for a moment then slamming it closed. The thud made her jump and consequently their lips disconnected.

"Sorry" She breathed, partially apologetic but mostly amused, the dark look in his eye enough to indicate her actions had stirred him. His face lost all expression and she couldn't resist the urge to giggle, not when he was trying so hard to be annoyed, his state of arousal completely betraying him.

"Those are my favourite words" He admitted as casually as he could, his breath hot on her face.

"Mmm… You like 'em more than 'I love you'?" She questioned, as if he were revealing something deeply intriguing. He pursed his lips as if to consider an answer then thought better of it, trailing his fingers up her arm before sliding them around the hot skin of the back of her neck, claiming her lips again.

"I love you more than anything" He concluded, breathing heavily as he rested his forehead against hers, leaning down to suck at her bottom lip a few times while he regained his breath.

"Mhm" She reciprocated with a nod, breaking his trance and pushing him away enough to pull his shirt untucked and slide her hands up under it. Kelly gave up on catching his breath as she pulled him close again and pressed her mouth to his neck, nipping and sucking her way up to the sensitive skin just below his ear.

"Ahh" He sighed gratefully, letting his head tip to give her greater access before crushing her to the wall with his pelvis. One hand began a gentle knead at her breast through the agonising obstruction of her not nearly revealing enough dress while the other held the back of her head encouragingly.

Only when she feared she was beginning to leave a mark did Erin slow somewhat, tracing the shell of his ear with her tongue before breathing hotly over it. Kelly's hand went from the back of her head to her jaw in an instant, forcing her head back against the wall as he attacked her mouth. Hoping to return all the wonderful sensations her ministrations had provided.

Erin moaned into her husband's kiss, gripping his hipbones did nothing to stop her shrinking back to standing flat footed as desire flooded every cell in her body. His mouth remained connected to hers, following her down in order to return her efforts. He kissed the tip of her nose and an eyebrow before licking from her ear to her collarbone while simultaneously bending further to lengthen his reach. The square neckline was cut perfectly to allow him to kiss the rise of her breast while his fingertips grazed up her smooth thighs.

Kelly hooked a finger over the elasticated lace waistband of the underwear she'd chosen with this moment in mind, feeling her heartbeat racing against his first knuckle. His actions were driving her crazy and he knew it, moans and mutterings urging him to proceed as quickly as possible. Dragging his finger around the inside edge of her underwear he plunged his entire hand into the back of the scrap of lace, cupping her backside and eliciting another deep moan. One he had to reward with a hungry kiss, tasting her desperation as she clutched at the back of his shirt.

"Babe" Erin panted as they parted, green eyes giving him such an intense look that he knew they weren't going to make it up the stairs, or even to the couch. Fast hands unclasped his belt, tugging it away and flinging it across the entryway with little care for where it landed, nimble fingers easing open a button and a zip soon after. He eased her underwear down her silky legs then hoisted her up, Erin wrapping her legs around his waist as he balanced her against the wall.

He grunted a few times as he fought to get her dress out of the way and free himself with one hand, duly rewarded when their bodies were finally united. They stopped to savour the moment, sighing then inhaling shakily as their eyes connected for a long moment, relief flowing from them both. Then Kelly adjusted his posture and began a steady rhythm, his arm returning to her waist to support her weight.

For the first time in a long time Erin didn't feel the need to worry about whether her husband was overexerting himself, not if his physical therapist thought he was recovered enough to be cleared for work. It was something that had been at the back of her mind since he'd accidentally mentioned the appointment, and it didn't seem to want to leave her thoughts even in that moment. So she held him a little tighter and rolled her hips with him, actively trying to disregard everything but the physical act of love.

Kelly was enjoying the challenge, becoming confident enough to steal a kiss every few thrusts. His entire body was buzzing, building to a climax he was in no real hurry to reach, thoroughly enjoying every second and sensation. He was a little out of breath and sweating some too but felt strong and powerful enough to see it through. Especially with the noises she was making spurring him on, moans, whimpers and soft sighs.

It was Erin's breathing that gave away just how close she really was though, sucking in gasping breaths as she pushed off the wall with one hand, closing any space between them. Her back arched and she let out a low groan as he slowed his movements, reaching new depths on each full stroke. She gave a tiny pained murmur which he quickly sucked from her lips, then her head fell back and he watched her face contort in desperation then bliss and relief in an instant. She didn't breathe for the longest moment but he hardly noticed, too occupied chasing his own orgasm.

As soon as he reached it he didn't know how he'd held off so long, it felt so good, better than anything he'd ever felt before though he recognised he probably thought that in the moment every time. And he didn't mind redefining that feeling every single time, in fact he looked forward to spending the rest of his life with his wife, the beautiful woman who could do that to him. The woman of his dreams had melted against him, learning to breathe again, so quiet and content.

"You good?" He questioned sometime later as she unhooked her legs and let her feet dangle, searching for the floor then keeping hold of him as she tested her ability to stand.

"Mmm, so good" She confirmed in a soft murmur, turning her head to rest her cheek against his chest, the familiar lub-dub of his heart filling her ear. For the first time she wished they were lying down, so she didn't have to move again anytime soon.

"I really needed that" Kelly confessed into the comfortable silence, twisting and bending to find her mouth, kissing her lightly then stroking her cheek as she smiled up at him.

"Mm, me too" She agreed with a nod, wishing she'd had the patience to unbutton his shirt as she slid her hand up under it again.

"But now I need a drink" He continued after a brief pause, kissing her forehead before taking a step back.

"Yeah, me too" She repeated, smoothing her dress as he fastened his pants, no doubt both looking moderately dishevelled. She was still leaning heavily against the wall and he wasn't sure how steady her legs were so he slipped an arm around her waist and guided her down the dimly lit hallway to the kitchen. They always seemed to leave the lounge room light on when they went out and that night was no exception.

"Water?" He questioned uncertainly, leaving her leaning against a bench as he fetched two glasses from the cupboard.

"Sure, cold though" She requested as he approached the tap, she was sure she'd qualify as having a fever if her temperature was taken in that moment. Given their previous activities though it was neither a surprise nor a concern to her. He nodded his acknowledgement and moved to the fridge, filling the glasses before handing one off to her. Erin sipped slowly while he drained his glass, refilling it only to drain it again. "Don't put it back in there empty" She scolded as he went to return the practically empty water jug to the fridge.

"Ugh" He grumbled rolling his eyes and poking out his tongue childishly despite moving to the sink to refill the jug.

"Thank you" She extended gently, feeling a little guilty for making him do all the work yet again. They stood side by side for a moment as she continued to sip, thinking on what she could do to make it up to him. Setting her glass aside a moment later she turned into his chest, undoing the top few buttons of his shirt so she could press her ear to his skin, still a little sweaty. His scent swamped her senses, making her feel safe as she snuggled close and he wrapped his arms around her.

"You okay?" He asked softly, running his fingers through her hair, sticky with perspiration along her hairline.

"Mhm" She nodded, worried she was worrying him she straightened and gave him a reassuring smile. Pressing a kiss to his sternum she smiled again as she backed away.

"What're you doin'?" He enquired as she extracted celery and a carrot from the refrigerator, moving to the chopping board then the sink to prepare the vegetables.

"You want some?" She returned without explanation, thinking her actions were pretty self-explanatory.

"Okay" He agreed, surprised to think she was hungry enough for a snack after having watched her demolish a sizeable cheese-less cheeseburger. Sure they'd exerted themselves some but unlike after a session at the rehab centre he didn't feel the need to refuel.

"C'mon" Erin encouraged, dumping the washed carrot and celery sticks onto a plate and swiping the jar of peanut butter on her way out to the dining room. She put the plate in the middle of the table but kept hold of the peanut butter, unscrewing the lid and promptly plunging a carrot stick into the smooth paste.

"And here I was thinking you only made those sounds for me" Kelly commented as he slid into his chair at the end of the table, watching her moan before beginning to crunch away on the cold carrot.

"Well you and peanut butter… sorry babe" She apologised through a mouthful of carrot and peanut butter. "I don't even know what it is. I seriously hated this stuff right up until I got pregnant with Shay" She defended, feeling that since he had been responsible for that he was also partially responsible with her need to consume vast quantities of peanut butter ever since.

"Mm, I remember" He acknowledged, taking a celery stick for himself.

"It's so good" She exhaled, scooping even more of the brown paste onto the half-eaten carrot stick.

"You just double dipped" Kelly cautioned, pulling a face as she stuffed the remainder of the carrot stick into her mouth.

"So?" She shrugged, already smearing peanut butter into the groove of a piece of celery with a finger.

"So that's gross" He pressed, narrowing his eyes as he wondered how frequently she did it and therefore what percentage of the jar of peanut butter was actually her saliva.

"No it isn't" She argued, making a point of double dipping the celery stick despite it already being overloaded with peanut butter. Not that she believed such a thing existed. He looked genuinely displeased and so after sucking her fingers clean she reached across the table and gripped his hand apologetically.

* * *

**I know it kinda just stops but this was the best place to cut it. I feel a little out of touch with you guys (probably because I disappeared for so long, again I'm really sorry about that). What's been going on? What would you like to see happen before Erin goes back to work? Any questions/comments/criticisms/suggestions/feedback etc. would be much appreciated :D**

**Have a great day!**

**Oh and we're nearing EIGHT HUNDRED reviews! You know what that means... It means that I'm the luckiest writer ever and that I'm looking for someone to write a one-shot for. Leave a review and it could be you! **


	217. Chapter 217

**And here's part two, glad you liked the first part :D**

"Now that's gross" Erin commented, sounding somewhat alarmed as the white liquid dribbled down her husband's bare chest, filling the contours of his chiselled abs and pooling in his navel.

"Did you shake it?" He questioned dismissively, tensing his muscles as he lifted his head from the pillow to look down at her. Erin sitting astride him with a puzzled look on her face and the can of whipped cream in her hand.

"Yeah" She defended snappily, shoving him back down before the liquid could drip to the sheets.

"Give it here" He requested from his reclined position, just about snatching the can from her hand. She crossed her arms and frowned as he shook it rapidly for several seconds before tipping it upside down and depressing the dispensing tab.

"See" She concluded victoriously as she seized it back, she mightn't have be allowed to indulge in canned whipped cream often but she knew how it worked.

"What's the date on it?" He quickly redirected, reaching to take the can again.

"I don't know" She provided, twisting and turning the can until she found a series of numbers printed around the neck of the can. "That's a lot of numbers…" She summarised as she tried to figure out if the use by date was somehow hidden amongst the dozen digits. Kelly let out a low grumble, essentially telling her she was incompetent, before opening and closing his hand to demand the can. She shook her head, keeping a hand flat in the middle of his chest she still moved the can a little further away, catching a glimpse of more numbers on the bottom as she did so. "Oh um, what's the date?"

"August 7th" He provided flatly, it was something he'd lost track of without work, only remembering because he'd seen it on the engagement party invitation earlier that evening.

"It's still in date then…" She determined, in fact the expiry date was still more than a year away, not for the first time prompting her to question what the vegan whipped cream was made of.

"Hm" He complained, he had really wanted purchasing the special whipped cream to be a grand romantic gesture but now that they'd finally found time to have some fun with it nothing was going as planned.

"Stay still, I'll clean up" She suggested, taking note of his discouraged look and resolving to cheer him. She leaned down, collecting her hair in one fist to keep it out of the way before drawing her tongue up his midline.

"Mmm, babe" He groaned appreciatively as she swirled her tongue around his nipple. She smiled then traced her way back down, slurping the watery faux cream from his navel before sitting back to look at him.

"This tastes weird, like really weird" She remarked, dipping a finger into a smear of the liquid then licking it clean. She couldn't help but pull a face in response to the peculiar taste, poking her tongue out and shaking her head a little.

"Don't eat it if it's bad! You'll make yourself sick!" Kelly protested rapidly, grabbing her wrist and holding it tightly to prevent her collecting more. If it wasn't coming out whipped and tasted strange something was wrong with it, no matter what the date on the can said.

"Babe!" She calmed firmly, giving him a look that told him she was making an effort and that he should too. "I don't think it's off, just weird… And anyway you taste good" She shrugged, shaking her hand free of his before leaning forward again, licking and nipping her way along the curved underside of his defined pectoral muscles.

"Mmm" He sighed, folding his hands up under his head as he relaxed, allowing her to take control.

"See, we don't need that stuff" She purred against his stomach, sending a shiver up his spine as her teeth grazed over his skin.

"Nah" He agreed breathlessly, shifting a little in the hope she would continue.

"Just. Need. Each, other" She concluded slowly, sucking and blowing until goosebumps appeared and his hands unfurled to grip her shoulders. Erin noted every tiny noise he produced. His gasps as she bit down, groans as her tongue danced across his skin, sharp intakes of breath as she blew lightly and sighs of relief as she kissed or sucked firmly. Each a clue she used to choreograph her movements for maximum effect.

"Need" He panted sharply after only a few minutes of her wondrous torture, taking her by the upper arms and trying to pull her up. Erin sank back though, reading his face as she gyrated against him, hands working their way down his chest in feather light patterns until his eyelids fluttered closed.

After the briefest second Kelly's eyes flew open, startled as she rose to her knees, depriving him of the contact he desired most of all. Cool air hit him as she tore his jeans and boxers away in one swift motion, fingernails dragging back up his thighs once she'd freed his feet and repositioned herself between his legs. She twisted and pulled lightly at the soft, sparse hair of his thighs, chuckling as his hips jerked uncontrollably in response.

"Aw" She chided softly, licking her lips slowly in one last tease before taking him in her palm. Stoking the fire inside him with measured strokes, she altered her grip and rhythm until he was sweating and squirming beneath her. His hand gripping the sheets then her wrist as she slowed, grasping the base of his hot, hard flesh as she bent forth and ran her tongue up his length.

"Oh fuck, babe. No" He pleaded, every muscle in his body tensing as he resisted, eyelids squeezed tightly shut. And while he said no he meant yes, Kelly waiting with bated breath for his wife to proceed. Erin hesitated though, evaporating the trail of saliva she'd left as she exhaled evenly over him, waiting for his eyes to open. She wanted to make sure he was watching as she engulfed him, tongue swirling then pressing as he roughly took a handful of her hair.

It only took a split second for him to overpower her, throwing her onto her back and scrambling over the top of her. The sound of fabric ripping did nothing to slow him, nor did the way she was still grappling for control. Their teeth collided painfully as he pressed his mouth to hers, hoping to add some semblance of romance while all but consumed by an animalistic need to be inside her.

She exhaled sharply in defeat but her frustration was short lived, paralysed by fascination at his frantic actions. First he yanked her right leg up into the air, plunging into her at such an angle that she couldn't silence an intense moan. Her foot coming to rest at his shoulder as he held her thigh with one hand, bracing himself against the limb as he pistoned in and out of her. All while the pad of his other thumb worked furiously at the bundle of nerves between her legs.

Rather abruptly her vision failed and she lost all control over her vocal cords, writhing in pure ecstasy the last thing she could recall prior to blacking out was the oddly erotic feeling of his eye teeth biting down on her raised calf. Erin had no idea how much time passed before she returned to reality; quite enjoying the sensation of floating on the calm waves of some far away tropical ocean, warm and free. Her husband was there when she opened her eyes, waiting, looking at her through semi-glazed, dreamy blue orbs.

Her arm felt heavy and detached as she raised her hand, groping around in search of his face, fingers brushing over his light stubble then cupping his cheek when she finally found it. His eyes held her mesmerised for another long moment before she mustered the strength to shift nearer, closing the space between them and locating his mouth in one smooth movement. It wasn't a particularly energetic kiss, just lips caressing briefly to solidify the connection they felt.

"'m sor–" Erin began softly when she felt they couldn't be silent for another minute without melting into their surrounds. As much as she wanted those tranquil moments to last forever she couldn't help but feel they had unfinished business to take care of first.

"Sorry" Kelly finished, nodding a little in agreement as he shifted away from his wife enough to see her whole face.

"Did we spend too long with them?" She croaked jokingly, referring back to the way Matt and Gabby had said the same thing at the same time.

"Maybe… What do you have to apologise for anyway?" He questioned curiously, eyebrow pitching upwards as he realised they had been apologising synchronously.

"What are you apologising for?" She attempted to turn around, having lost her confidence a little now that she knew he was fully awake. Erin had half hoped she could get out what she needed to say then dismiss it as drowsy musings the next day.

"Uh-uh," He shook his head, "ladies first."

Erin frowned then exhaled slowly, trying to get her thoughts in order before she opened her mouth, a futile attempt. "Everything. Nothing. I don't know… I don't even know" She shrugged, wishing she had simply allowed him to fade away to sleep.

"Tell me what you're thinking" He requested, using that gentle patient tone that made her want to tell him everything.

"I don't know" She repeated, biting at her bottom lip as she struggled to see what good talking could do. Not when she didn't know what she was feeling or even where to start.

"Hey" Kelly urged, giving her a small, comforting smile as he took her hand and squeezed it. "Just tell me what's on your mind… and I'll try to keep up" He added in the hope of lightening the mood.

"Is this it?" She pondered, eyes searching his for some sort of answer. "For me? For us?"

"Umm" He mumbled as the period of silence extended beyond what would ordinarily be acceptable in conversation.

"Don't answer that" She burst out a second later, rising up onto her elbow to look down at him, her face a mosaic of emotion. "Don't" She insisted. "I'm sorry. I'm happy."

"Okay" He accepted calmly, placing a hand at her waist, encouraging her to relax. The fabric of the dress was bunched such that it took a moment for the heat of his palm to radiate through to her skin.

"I just. I want to do more" Erin began again, desperately wanting to clarify her line of thinking.

"Right" He nodded, motioning for her to continue.

"I **want** to make a difference but I **need** to be a good mum and a good wife" She managed to elaborate. If she was confused by everything she was thinking and the little she was saying she had no idea how he was keeping up.

"You're doing both, all three" He replied confidently.

"Not really, I should be doing more. And getting back to work is part of that but then I've hardly got the wife and mother thing under control… and you're going back to work too" Again she stopped before she could form a complete thought, looking to him for approval or guidance, she wasn't sure which.

"That's what I was apologising for" He interjected, beginning to feel as if he knew what she was saying. He had known they would talk about his impending return to work at some point, he had just expected a coherent reaction.

"You don't need to apologise for that, you love what you do. It gives you purpose" She defended quickly.

"Yeah. And I think that's sort of your problem" He began boldly, hoping he'd gathered enough information. "You know what I mean" He reasoned rapidly with a soothing gesture. Knowing she wasn't in the best frame of mind he didn't want her to get caught up thinking he thought there was anything wrong with her.

"I didn't say anything" She protested.

"You have to break it down. You know where you want to be right? You want to get a work/life balance going where you feel like you're making a difference but you're not missing all the good bits either, and that's going to take time. But that's still a while off…" He analysed prior to being cut off.

"Not really" She disagreed, six weeks hardly made her return to work distant.

"Shh" He commanded, pressing his fingertip to her plump lips.

"Okay" She allowed softly as he withdrew his finger.

"The first step is going to be getting back into our routine, with me working and you doing all the amazing things you do with the girls. Don't overthink it or plan too far ahead, no matter what we're gonna do it together anyway…" He trailed off, wondering if he was actually helping at all.

"Mmm" She murmured vaguely.

"You gotta tell me if I'm on the right track here, if I'm saying the right things" He requested, eyes telling her he wanted nothing more than to support her.

"Yeah you are, you always do" She assured, as usual he was making sense by simplifying a situation when she had a tendency to overcomplicate everything. "And I love you" She offered by way of thanks as she shuffled towards him, snuggling in to his side with her head resting against his chest.

"One more thing" He added a moment later.

"Oh?"

"You have to plan to take time out, do something you want to do all by yourself" He informed, making sure she knew it was nonnegotiable.

"I'm fine" She promised.

"Mhm, but you could be better" He reasoned simply.

"I suppose" She accepted after taking a moment to think on it, she had absolutely no clue what she would do with even five minutes to herself. Clean something probably and she was pretty sure that defeated the purpose. It was definitely something she would need to work on.

"And we need more nights like tonight" He concluded, speaking again just as they began to near sleep. Erin nodded her agreement before twisting and stretching enough to kiss him one last time, or that was what she told herself. It wasn't a goodnight kiss though and his response cemented that it wouldn't be the last of the night. "Again?" He checked as they parted, disbelief in the squint of his eyes.

"Babe" She stated flatly, giving him that look.

"You're serious" He concluded with a half satisfied smirk, the other half was quite sensibly contemplating the energy output requirements.

"You think I'm gonna let some doctor tell me if you're fit enough for work? I need test you out myself" Erin justified seriously, running her hands over his chest in a way a doctor would never dare to.


	218. Chapter 218

**This update is going up a little late because I spent the morning at Ikea and the afternoon assembling furniture. I have a new desk and chair I look forward to using when I write from now on :D **

* * *

"Papa?" Shay questioned, peering out from behind the upside down section of the newspaper she held to look at her grandpa. The toddler was mirroring him almost exactly, sitting on the matching chair across from his in his living room with her legs crossed, 'reading' the newspaper and occasionally reaching for her mug of 'coffee' for a slurping sip.

"Yes Shay?" Hank answered, folding his newspaper closed and setting it down on his lap to look at her.

"When me Mama-Dada com'nd get me?" Shay enquired somewhat distractedly, trying to fold the newspaper the same way he had. The large grey sheets of paper were almost as big as her though and despite her best efforts several of the pages in the sports section he'd sacrificed ended up scrunched. He wasn't much interested in the content though so he didn't really mind if the whole section ended up shredded and slobbered on like the horse racing stats page he'd given to Ember.

"Soon" He offered uncertainly, checking his watch before leaning forward in his chair to look out the window. The girls' parents were more than an hour late but Hank wasn't at all concerned, it wasn't as if they were difficult to look after. Ember had been playing with a single sheet of newspaper for three quarters of an hour and Shay had been mimicking him as he went about his ordinary Saturday morning routine.

"When soon?" Shay demanded, soon was one of her least favourite words. The only word she liked less was no.

"I'm not sure kiddo. You know you can play if you want" He encouraged, pointing off to the toy box in the corner. It didn't contain anywhere near the same variety of toys as the one she had at home but there was still plenty to keep her entertained.

"You want play?" Shay asked hopefully, sitting up a little straighter at the idea.

"I'm readin' my paper" He denied gently, waving the black and grey paper at her. He didn't know what it was in the big blue eyes she gave him but he could just about feel his heart breaking as she processed his refusal.

"'n I'm readin' **my** papers" The toddler concluded determinedly, lifting hers to replicate his wave.

"Okay" Hank allowed, unfurling his paper and relaxing back to read the next article that caught his attention, some white collar's opinion piece on cutting the already lacking police department budget. He absentmindedly cleared his throat in frustration, not even realising he'd made the noise until a similar but much smaller one reached his ears.

Hank decided that since the toddler couldn't read he would make things more interesting for her by giving her something to copy. That way he wouldn't feel as guilty for not playing with her. He took his coffee mug from the table, waiting until the toddler had scrambled to do the same before swirling the lukewarm contents a few times and bringing the mug too his lips. After making big eyes at the toddler he tipped the mug up and drained it.

Shay tilted her mug of warm milk to the same extreme angle but that was the last action she could replicate. Her mouth simply wasn't big enough to contain the remainder of the milk in her mug, instead the liquid filled her nose and spilled over the edge of the mug, pouring down her chin. She quickly lowered the mug but the damage had been done, leaving her coughing and spluttering as she tried to breathe.

"Oops" Hank provided, setting his mug and paper aside as he got up and crossed to help her.

"Oopsie yucky!" Shay agreed, nodding furiously as she wiped her nose on the back of her hand.

"That was silly" He informed frankly as he retrieved Ember's burp cloth, wiping up the front of Shay's shirt in an attempt to stop the milk spreading any further. He allowed the toddler to take the cloth then, Shay scrubbing it over her face and wiping her nose on it before handing it back.

"You maked me Papa!" She accused crossly.

"I did not" He defended, though if he'd known the toddler would copy him regardless of common sense he never would have imitated the short-lived game.

"Yes!" Shay argued, scrunching up her face to frown at him.

"I thought you were big enough to drink your coffee out of a mug" Hank reasoned, he'd certainly been told off when he'd tried to pour her drink into a plastic spill proof cup. Shay had insisted that she was big enough to drink out of a mug and he had conceded when she used her manners to request one just like his coffee mug.

"I am!" Shay objected loudly, frowning even more severely and hitting the mug against the arm of the chair for added emphasis.

"Doesn't look like it" He observed, taking the mug from her, wiping it over with the burp cloth before the milk could drip.

"I am! I am big girl! You maked-ed me!" Shay protested, slipping from the chair in her desperate attempt to get the mug back, reaching up and grabbing at his hands.

"Okay Shay. Let's take these to the kitchen and clean up a bit" Hank suggested after giving in and handing her the mug. Ember's need for a diaper change had distracted him as soon as they'd finished eating and as a result dirty dishes remained on the table, something he would never usually permit.

"Umkay" The toddler accepted readily, as if she hadn't just been on the verge of throwing a tantrum over a mug. Hank ruffled the toddler's hair before moving to pick up the baby squirming about on the rug. Ember was just as skilled as her big sister when it came to sudden mood changes, crying the moment she was lifted into her grandpa's arms. Other than bouncing the baby as he walked he paid no attention to her upset, setting about collecting up the dishes and running a sink of hot water in which to wash them.

Shay used the drawer handles to climb up onto the bench, helping out by poking at the dishes with the dish brush since the water was too hot for her hands. Hank wasn't used to juggling a baby while performing domestic chores, thankfully Ember settled had quickly and he managed well enough. Once satisfied they were clean he stacked the dishes in the drainer beside the sink and checked the time again. Another half hour and he might consider sending a text message, until then he was happy spending time with his granddaughters.

"What do you want to do now Shay?"

* * *

Consciousness swept over the couple like a soft, warm breeze, exceedingly pleasant in its unhurried onset. Kelly moved first, arm tightening around his wife's middle to hold her closer to his chest as he straightened and stretched. Erin stirred then, opening her eyes and yawning despite feeling more refreshed than she had in weeks. They settled again for a moment before seeking each other out, Kelly pressing his lips to the top of her head while hers brushed across his bare chest.

"Morning" He breathed, voice cracking from a lack of use.

"Good morning" She returned, pushing herself up to lay on top of him, chin resting on his chest as she smiled.

"How'd you sleep?" He questioned, running his fingers through her hair in an attempt to tame the wild locks and clear them from her face.

"The best" Erin beamed, dipping her head to kiss his chest before continuing. "I can't even remember the last time I got to sleep like that."

"Mm, too long" Kelly agreed, running his hand down her back, in under the sheet draped over them.

"You passed by the way" She informed with a satisfied grin, very aware of how far his hands had travelled. It was more difficult to admit than he knew, effectively saying she was ready for him to go back to risking his life on a near daily basis. She was trying hard to be at peace with that reality though, not wanting to dampen what had the potential to be a marvellous morning.

"Oh?" He responded, attempting to at least look a little bit surprised. "Thank you baby" He accepted with a smug grin, rubbing his thumb back and forth a few times.

"Mm, thank **you**" She assured before shuffling forward, cautious of her pointy elbows, and leaning down to kiss him. Kelly inevitably deepened the kiss, wrapping one arm around her waist while he threaded the fingers of his other hand in amongst her hair. Erin moaned into his mouth but was mindful they didn't get carried away. "I don't think we have… Shit!" She cursed as soon as her gaze fell upon the clock on the bedside table.

"What?!" Kelly questioned though he didn't really need to ask, he knew what that reaction meant.

"We have to go" Erin told him urgently, already up and searching for clothes to put on.

"Already?" He groaned, watching her pull a shirt down over her head. He knew he should at least make an effort but he was comfortable exactly where he was. If he got up he had to admit that the day had begun, the doctor's appointment he was already anxious about becoming closer by the second.

"Yes" She hissed, hopping on one leg as she pulled pants on, dressed by the time he sat up. Erin spent all of a minute in the bathroom, emerging to find Kelly still digging through a drawer for something to wear. It was a natural response to stressful situations and while Kelly took forever to get dressed and ready she stripped the sheets from their bed, collected up their clothes from the entryway and started a load of washing.

"Can I at least make coffee before we go?" Kelly requested, it didn't matter that he'd slept well, all benefits seemingly lost the moment he'd forced himself up off the bed.

"No" She refused, giving him an unimpressed look before shoving him out the front door. The gate seemed to take forever to open and Kelly was surprised his wife didn't try to fit the car through it prematurely. Her crazy driving made up for any time lost waiting though, swerving between the lanes to avoid anyone doing anything less than the exact speed limit. An outsider would never have been able to tell that she'd been involved in a serious car accident little over a year ago, resulting in a hesitance to drive that had spanned several months.

They arrived in record time but in daylight faced even more difficulty finding a place to park. Kelly could feel his wife becoming more and more frustrated the further away from Hank's house they travelled, halfway down the block when they finally found a space. Erin maneuvered the vehicle into the space in seconds via an expert parallel park, the kind that came from knowing the exact dimensions of one's car. Then she was out of the car and off down the sidewalk before Kelly had a chance to unbuckle his seatbelt. He didn't even try to catch up.

"I am so sorry" Erin apologised as she burst into the living room, unannounced since she hadn't bothered knocking on the front door of her childhood home. Three pairs of eyes had found her face, each identifying the owner of the voice at a slightly different point. Shay had quickly pushed the newspaper aside but it was clear Hank had been reading it to her. Ember must have been listening too, propped up against a pillow, apparently quite content just sitting there.

"Mama!" The toddler screeched, launching through the newspaper as if it were a banner at a football game.

"Don't sweat it" Hank murmured, his voice lost amongst Shay's excitement. Racing to her mother then leaping into her waiting arms.

"Hey bub, how are you?" Erin questioned after kissing each of her daughter's cheeks and receiving a very enthusiastic but slightly slobbery kiss in return. It was clear Shay was happy to see her and even if she felt terrible for being late Erin knew that meant she had to be doing something right as a parent.

"Goodly" Shay answered, smiling broadly such that her teeth were on display while her eyes crinkled to slits.

"What have you been up to?" She asked generally, looking from the cheeky toddler on her hip to the man sitting in his chair, perfectly relaxed with the newspaper in hand.

"Papa bin showin' me da lettas!" Shay informed exuberantly.

"Oh, that's nice of him" Erin acknowledged, smiling at the toddler before turning to Hank and continuing. "Thank you so much, we really appreciate it… I'm sorry" She repeated, feeling as if she'd exploited his kindness.

"Erin" He grumbled, giving her the look he used whenever she tried to thank him for something he didn't feel he deserved thanks for. "We've been having fun anyway, haven't we Shay?"

"Yeah" Shay nodded, wriggling to indicate she wanted to be put down. She was halfway across the living room, on her way back to her grandpa's lap, when she heard the front door could be heard opening a second time. "Daddy!" Shay shrieked, almost falling over her own feet as she spun around and ran to him instead.

"She's a fast learner" Hank said when he caught Erin's eye.

"Mhm" Erin agreed, taking a step away from her husband who was listening intently as Shay chattered excitedly about her night. Ember's gurgling caught her attention and so she picked her up, kissing the baby's cheeks just as she had Shay's. "What about this one? Did she sleep okay? Did you have to feed her–"

"She's fine" Hank interrupted, not sure he'd be able to remember any more questions to answer. "Great actually. Slept through, drank her bottle without a fuss this morning" He summarised simply.

"Slept through?!" Erin questioned in disbelief.

"Mhm" He confirmed with a single nod. "I was up, showered and dressed before I heard from either of them. They're really no hassle to look after. You know I'm happy to do it anytime" He reiterated just in case she didn't already know.

"Thank you" She accepted, giving him a small smile but allowing her eyes to do the work, communicating something words couldn't.

"Would you like coffee–"

"Yes please Papa" Shay piped up, coffee was her favourite beverage even if it did taste like milk when her grandpa made it.

"–Or have you got plans for the day?" Hank finished, ignoring the toddler completely. Erin opened her mouth to answer then quickly closed it again, turning enough to consult her husband with a look. Strangely it was Kelly whose eyes were pleading to stay.

"We can stay for coffee" Erin agreed at last, their late start meant that they would have to be mindful of the time though.

"Fank you Mama!" Shay exclaimed happily. The toddler was keen to have another mug of steaming hot coffee, though she would be mindful not to spill it everywhere again. Evidence of the first mug's terminus remained, staining the front of her shirt, not that her parents seemed to have noticed.

"I hope you haven't been drinking coffee young lady" Erin warned playfully, reaching across to tickle the toddler as she met her husband in the doorway.

"Nope" The toddler was very quick to answer, eyes wide at the very suggestion. "I has bin so goodly hey Papa?"

"You have been good, very good" Hank assured as he pushed himself up out of his chair, leaving the newspaper behind. Since he had offered coffee it was probably a good idea for him to get a pot going.

"You have been good Papa Hanky, bery good" Shay echoed, glad they would be staying for a little longer. She quite liked the game she'd made out of copying him.

* * *

**Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, or so they say. I love Shay so much and her character really brings out Voight's soft side, which is always nice to see. Hope this was an okay chapter, next up is Kelly's doctor's appointment! **

**3 reviews away from 800... Just in case you'd forgotten! **


	219. Chapter 219

**Thank you all so much for the wonderful response to the last chapter, leaving just a few words in a review has the power to make my day :D**

* * *

"Haven't seen you this nervous since the dentist" Erin commented offhandedly, watching her husband's knee rise and fall rapidly as he bounced it subconsciously. The movement was right at the edge of her peripheral vision or she wouldn't have said anything.

"Mm" Kelly grunted, shifting backward slightly so that his foot fell flat and his leg stilled. He couldn't remain motionless for long though, slumping back and running his fingers through his hair, as much in need of a haircut as Chase. He didn't know why he was nervous, it wasn't the first time and it likely wouldn't be the last, perhaps both those things were contributing factors, he didn't want to admit that to himself though. Kelly loved his job, he had to, it was all he'd ever done, he was a Severide, it was in his blood.

"Do you want us to come with you?" She questioned, shifting a little so that she could reach across and squeeze his shoulder comfortingly.

"No" He answered sharply, softening as he looked at her. "You don't have to do that" He rephrased.

"We're your family, let us be there for you" Erin urged passionately before shrugging as if it wasn't important. Kelly replicated her shrug, indecision written across his face. He wasn't sure that having them there would really make it any easier. "What do you think Shay? Should we take Daddy to the doctor and see if he's all better?" She asked, taking the decision out of their hands. The toddler looked up from where she knelt at the coffee table, colouring in the beach scene spot-the-difference activity from the kids section of the newspaper Hank had gifted her as they'd left.

"Yes!" Shay agreed instantly, dropping the crayon to the table as she stood up, colouring forgotten. If that was an option she had no idea why they were still sitting around.

"Okay, go put some shoes on then" She instructed, smiling at the two year old as she toddled off. Her smile fell quickly as a small fist made contact with her chin, Ember unintentionally punching her mother as she stretched. "You want to come too don't you bubba" She said quietly, taking Ember's hand and kissing it loudly to encourage her to wake up faster. The baby gurgled, opening her hand to grasp at her mother's lips. Erin kissed each of the five little fingers and was filled with joy by Ember's nasal chuckle, looking up to see if the wonderful sound was having the same effect on her husband. Kelly had closed his eyes but felt her gaze on him and opened them, trying to give her a reassuring smile.

"You don't have to" He provided softly, giving her a way out.

"We **want** to babe" She insisted, giving him a small sympathetic smile.

"Thank you" He accepted, forcing himself to sit up before leaning across to kiss Ember's chubby cheek. The baby twisted around to look at him, squealing and flapping her arms in delight. "We should get going" He added, sighing deeply as he stood up. Erin stood with him, holding Ember in one arm so she could rub his back supportively. Neither of them particularly wanted to move but after a minute Erin gave a firm pat to motivate him and they both continued through to the entry way. The fun they had had in that space the previous night completely forgotten as they put on shoes and got ready to leave.

Erin drove, with considerably more restraint than that morning. The car was silent but for Shay chattering to her sister in the back seat, Ember occasionally babbling in response. Erin kept a hand on her husband's knee, looking to him now and then when it was safe to take her eyes off the road. She knew it wasn't much but she didn't know what more she could do for him. They arrived with plenty of time to spare, a good thing since Kelly more or less dragged his feet the whole way from the carpark to the doctor's office. The next ten minutes ticked by painfully slowly.

"Kelly Severide…Again" A middle aged man called, the doctor presumably, shaking his head as he eyed the younger man. Erin could almost hear her husband groan internally.

"Do you want us to come in with you?" She enquired, pausing the back and forward motion of the pram by keeping her foot stationary.

"Nah, it'll be boring" He shook his head, shifting forward in the seat as the doctor folded his arms impatiently. "Shay's happy there anyway" He shrugged, gesturing to the two year old who was playing contentedly in the children's corner, passing the colourful beads back and forth over the twisted metal frame.

"Okay, well good luck. We love you" She reminded, kissing his cheek before reaching forward and taking Ember's hand, waving it at him enthusiastically until he got up.

"Love you too" Kelly nodded, taking a deep breath to steady himself before he left them, waving to Shay as he went. Erin watched until he passed through the door and out of sight, turning her attention back to the baby in front of her. Not five minutes later Shay made her way over to her mother.

"Mama me toi-et" The toddler informed quietly, treating it as a sensitive and private matter she didn't want the other patrons hearing.

"You need to go to the toilet?" Erin clarified, looking off to the door her husband had disappeared behind still closed.

"Mhm" Shay nodded.

"Can you wait a few minutes?" She asked, not that she really thought making the toddler wait was a viable option.

"Nope" Shay answered decisively, shaking her head.

"Okay then" She accepted, standing up then instructing Shay to wait while she went to the receptionist's desk. "Excuse me, sorry. Do you have a bathroom my daughter can use?" Erin asked politely, pointing to the toddler because people were often more tolerant when they were being asked to do something for the sweet looking little girl.

"No we don't, there's one down the corridor. Right at the end on the left" The receptionist explained apologetically.

"Thank you" Erin acknowledged briefly before making her way back to her daughters. She muscled her way through the heavy glass door, something that was exceedingly difficult with the pram and Shay to be mindful of, and together they headed down the corridor. "The toilet is down here Shay."

"Umkay" Shay managed, walking rapidly with her knees pressed tightly together in a way only a toddler would think helped. They arrived at the door to the ladies bathroom, though Erin would have preferred a disabled cubical, and attempted to enter, soon establishing that it was locked. "Mama!" Shay squeaked, removing her hands from her hips and instead putting all her weight into pushing the door open.

"It's locked bub. I'm sorry. Stay here with Em, I'll get a key" She explained quickly. "Hold on" She added before rushing off back the way they had come, leaving Shay and the pram at the locked door. It took her less than half the time to get back to the receptionist's desk. "The bathroom is locked" She informed, hoping the urgency in her voice would make the receptionist hand the key over faster.

"They aren't supposed to be locked…"

"Well they are" Erin prompted, gesturing for the woman to hurry up.

"Doctor Mason usually has the key, second last door on the left" The receptionist provided at last.

"Okay, thanks" Erin called over her shoulder as she rushed back down the hall. Shay was hopping from foot to foot and looked hopeful when her mother got closer, Erin giving the little girl a sad smile before pushing through the door to Doctor Mason's office. "Hi, I need the key to the bathroom" She stated clearly for the receptionist, politeness lost in her desperation.

"Oh, are they locked?" The woman drawled slowly, putting aside her nail file as she looked up.

"Yes" Erin replied, still nothing. "It's urgent." Apart from giving her a filthy look the receptionist did nothing for at least half a minute, precious seconds Shay was being made to wait.

"He's with a patient" The woman informed, as if that were obvious.

"Are those the keys?" She asked when a glint of light on something small and metal caught her eye as she turned to leave, not that she had any solution in mind. A set of keys hung on a hook above a large men's coat, behind the desk.

"Yes" The receptionist answered flatly.

"Well can I have them? Please?" She added, in case it helped in some way.

"No" The woman behind the desk denied, squinting as if she believed Erin were up to something sinister.

"Can you come unlock the door then? My two year old daughter is going to wet her pants" She explained pleadingly.

"Alright then" The receptionist decided after a long pause, getting up and moving almost comically slowly. When they finally reached the door Shay was still and silent, signs she was focusing all her energy on holding on. The woman clearly had no idea which of the dozen keys unlocked the door but Erin could immediately narrow it down to three, that didn't stop the receptionist trying them all though. After what felt like forever the lock finally clicked open.

"Thank you" Erin said out of obligation, pushing past the receptionist to hold the door open for Shay, the toddler rushing off into the bathroom. The woman gave a curt nod then began back to the office, leaving Erin to steer the pram into the tight space. If she'd known Shay was struggling to even get onto the toilet without the stool she used at home she wouldn't have taken so long, stepping in to help as soon as she realised. "Good girl. Thank you for being so patient."

"I am so pay-shunt big good girl Mummy" Shay smiled as she finished emptying her very full bladder.

"Yes you are" She confirmed with a nod, handing the toddler a folded length of toilet paper since she stood no chance reaching it from where she was seated. Public bathrooms definitely weren't designed with little people in mind, or prams for that matter. They managed to move about the small space fairly smoothly though, Erin lifting Shay to flush the toilet then again to wash and dry her hands. As they left the bathroom Erin saw her husband standing at the far end of the corridor, looking around cluelessly.

"Daddy!" Shay called a moment later, spotting him as soon as she stepped out from behind the pram, gaining his attention instantly.

"Hey, where'd you go?" Kelly questioned as they were reunited, detaching the toddler from his leg and picking her up so she could hug him instead.

"Sorry, we went to the bathroom. She could have told you that" Erin explained, using her eyes to direct his to the receptionist through the glass door.

"Ahh, well she didn't" He said, stating the obvious before turning back around to find his wife's eyes on him. It made perfect sense that she wanted to know how the appointment had gone.

"Clearly" Erin frowned, raising her eyebrows in the hope that would prompt some sort of response.

"We can go now" He concluded, nodding toward the elevator before leading the way. Erin followed along, not sure what to make of his strange behaviour, she could assume his appointment went poorly but she couldn't be sure. She waited until they were outside and alone to ask.

"So, how did it go?" She put to him hesitantly.

"Good" He answered, less than convincingly. "I start back tomorrow night."

"Well done babe" She congratulated genuinely, patting his shoulder and smiling despite thinking it was all happening way too fast. He had to be thinking the same thing or he wouldn't have had such a sombre expression.

"We-done Daddy" Shay echoed, not sure what they were saying but deciding based on her mother's reaction that it had to be good.

"Thank you sweetheart" Kelly accepted, hugging Shay back as they crossed the road between the hospital outbuilding and the parking complex.

"How do you want to celebrate?" Erin questioned, feeling as if he should have some say in the matter.

"Hhm" Kelly offered in acknowledgement of the question, taking a moment to think about what he really wanted before answering. "Spending the afternoon with my lovely ladies sounds pretty good."

"Okay" She allowed, though personally she thought he deserved something special, she just wasn't sure what specifically. "Do you want to drive?"

"I'm happy to drive, if you want me to" He replied carefully, not particularly bothered either way. Erin thought for a moment then dug around in the pram pocket and produced the car keys, placing them on his palm before closing his fingers around them in a silent resolution. Kelly helped Shay into the car then folded the pram while Erin buckled Ember in and made sure both girls were secure before getting in herself. The moment her seatbelt she pulled out her phone, slouching as she typed rapidly.

"Left up here" Erin ordered, looking up from her phone and breaking the silence. Ember was content with her foot in her mouth and Shay was happy looking out the window.

"Where are we going?" Kelly enquired instead of arguing, taking the turn as she'd instructed.

"You'll see, left at the lights" She requested, reaching across to pat his knee in appreciation of his willingness to trust her. Erin continued to give her husband directions, Kelly constantly narrowing down possibilities as they neared their destination.

"What you doing Mama?" Shay questioned, finding it strange that her mother kept speaking and pointing immediately before they turned.

"I'm telling Daddy where to go" Erin explained, looking back over her shoulder at the toddler and smiling comfortingly.

"Where we go?" Shay asked, unaware they were going anywhere other than to the hospital so her father could see his doctor.

"It's a surprise, you'll see soon. Next right" She had to cut off her answer to the toddler in order to deliver the next direction.

"The lake?" Kelly guessed as they approached the carpark they always used when they took walks along the lake's edge.

"Yeah, Chase, Nadia and Katie are going to meet us here for a picnic later… if you want" She added uncertainly, not wanting him to feel any more pressure than he already had.

"Pitck-nick!" Shay repeated excitedly, tugging at her seat belt the moment the car stopped.

"When did you organise this?" He questioned curiously, she always seemed to be at least one step ahead of him, amazing him at every turn.

"Just then, we don't have to" She repeated firmly, he had already had quite a stressful day and she suspected he would rather relax on the couch with beer and hockey. He had requested an afternoon with family though, prompting her to invite just a few more close family members to join them.

"No, a picnic sounds perfect. Thank you, I love you" Kelly replied gratefully.

* * *

**So Kelly's heading back to 51 at last, I estimate ten to twenty chapters before Erin goes back to work as well. No promises though, I'll get there when I get there. I'm still open to suggestions of things you would like them to do as a family before that. **

**Coming up next is Shay's reaction to her Daddy going back to work…**


	220. Chapter 220

"No Da, like dis" Shay explained, reaching across to still his hand before demonstrating a better way. The two year old flipped the orange rubber duck she held upside down and rotated it, taking a moment to balance it on top of the green duck floating in front of her. Kelly was amazed at her ability to problem solve, the rounded head of the orange duck held in place by the moulded plastic wings of the duck below. It wasn't a configuration Kelly had considered.

"Yeah okay" Kelly accepted, using the red and purple ducks to try to replicate her stack. He knew Shay had been playing with her blocks that afternoon and so attributed some of her proficiency to practice but it still seemed remarkable for a two year old. Even when trying to take his bias into account he couldn't help but conclude that she was highly intelligent. While he was struggling to balance the head of the purple duck between the wings of the red rubber duck Shay was adding a third to her stack.

"See" The toddler giggled, looking up from her stack of three in time to watch the purple duck tip into the bathwater.

"That's pretty cool princess, I bet you can't add another though" He challenged, offering up the purple duck since he clearly wasn't going to succeed in stacking even two of the slippery rubber toys.

"Hm" Shay pondered, frowning then poking her tongue out as she attempted to place it upside down. She was hesitant to actually release it for fear of sending the stack of three crashing down. "Nope" She shook her head, handing the duck back to her father and admitting defeat.

"Well you've done a very good job" He encouraged, wishing he had spent a little more time praising her for making the stack to start with, especially since he couldn't even put one of top of another.

"Mhm" Shay nodded dismissively, slapping her hand down on the surface of the water to splash she knocked down her tower.

"You done then?" He questioned, dipping a finger into the water to see if it was even still warm. He hadn't wanted to ask previously because he hoped to maximise the time he spent with his daughter before leaving for work.

"Uhh, put dese 'way me play be fishy" Shay decided, beginning to collect up the toys. With her father's help it didn't take long to have all the toys out of the water and put away in the mesh bag suction cupped to the wall.

"You get to be a fish in Uncle Antonio's pool next weekend" Kelly informed as the toddler flopped down onto her stomach, kicking her legs and dipping her chin into the water to blow bubbles.

"When dat?" Shay asked, pushing herself up using her arms just as her little sister liked to do.

"Saturday" He answered, reaching across to tuck a wet tendril of hair behind her ear. Shay pursed her lips and gave him a look, raising her eyebrow in the exact same way her mother did.

"What day is too-day Daddy?" She enquired precisely.

"Today is Sunday, so there's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday then Saturday" He listed.

"Forever" Shay concluded, unimpressed. Plunging her face down into the water and blowing bubbles again. Kelly shrugged and waited for the toddler to come up for air, she might be bright and coordinated for her age but there was still so much for her to learn. He wasn't sure she wanted to learn what he was about to tell her, it was something he had been putting off. She deserved to know though and time was running out.

"Shay, hey, Shay" He attempted to get her attention as she surfaced. "You're a very good fish but can we talk?"

"We bin talkin' Daddy" Shay reminded, a little confused by his request.

"Well I'd like to talk to you, like a big girl, while you listen" He clarified gently. The toddler thought on that for a moment before sitting up, putting on a serious, big girl, listening face. "Okay. Thank you" He stalled, not sure where to start. "Shay now that I'm all better I'm going to start going to work again…"

"No!" Shay declared vehemently, standing up so quickly that she almost slipped, only just caught by her father before her head hit the edge of the bath. It was quite the opposite of her behaviour at the lakeshore, unknowingly celebrating his return to work while smiling, laughing and playing with her family.

"I know princess" Kelly calmed as she climbed up into his arms, wrapping herself around him to physically stop him. He didn't mind that his shirt was soaked through, draping the towel over her and rubbing her back. "But I need to" He added resolutely.

"Noooooo" Shay howled, tears streaming down her face, she hiccupped a few times then sniffed loudly reconsidering her approach. "No Daddy, please no. You no go. I no want you go workin'. I sad Daddy" She informed angrily, hitting at his chest but making no attempt to leave his arms. Kelly shared a look with his wife, Erin having made her way upstairs upon hearing the toddler's cries, it gave him strength but no advice on how best to proceed.

"Shay I have to" He insisted, as if he too were reluctant.

"No you do not!" The toddler objected fiercely.

"Baby girl I love you so much. And I want to spend every minute of every single day with you. But I need to go to work, there are people out there that need my help. You know how important it is to help people" Kelly justified, wondering if he was explaining himself in a way she could understand. He wasn't sure how his daughter would respond but his wife gave him a nod and left the doorway.

"But no. I no want you go work Daddy, please" Shay pleaded, bottom lip quivering.

"It's not forever. I'll be home tomorrow night, in time to read to you" He pointed out, trying to make her see the positive side.

"Daddy" Shay wailed, screwing up her face as she began to cry again. Kelly stood up, wrapping the towel tighter around the toddler before patting her back and rocking from side to side.

"You'll be asleep most of the time I'm away" He tried weakly, feeling as if he were backed into a corner. He had to go to work even if it upset his little girl.

"I no tired" Shay replied, smiling a little at the loophole she thought she'd found.

"You will be after I read you a story" Kelly reasoned, scooping up the fresh pyjamas he'd gotten out and taking them back to the bedroom.

"I no want a story" She added defiantly.

"Shay" He warned, setting her down. The toddler stood thinking while he dried and dressed her, adorable and innocent in a little pink nightgown with fairies and flowers embroidered at the edges. Shay frowned as he lifted her up but didn't say anything until he sat her down on her bed, lashing out her foot connected squarely with his chest.

"GO 'WAY DADDY!" Shay shouted, falling back on her bed as she put as much force as she could into kicking him.

"Shay" Kelly repeated, somewhat alarmed by the sudden outburst.

"GO 'WAY!" She screamed, kicking both her legs against the mattress as he moved back out of her reach.

"Shay I need to leave soon. I have time to read you a book and snuggle or I can go see Mama and Emmy, your choice" He offered, struggling to sound detached when really he wanted to kick and scream himself at the prospect of leaving her so distraught.

"Go… go w..w...work den" Shay stuttered, at least having quieted enough to have listened to what he said.

"You know I love you" He assured, patting her stomach as he reluctantly made to get up.

"You makin' me sad Daddy, you not s'pposed make people love you sad you know. You makin' me so so sad Daddy" The toddler informed.

"I don't want you to be sad Shay, but I really do have to go to work. What can I do to make you less sad? I'll still read to you if you want, I'll do anything" Kelly vowed in his own desperate plea.

"You not s'pposed lie" Shay mumbled after a long pause.

"I'm not lying, I'll read to you" He maintained, getting up and retrieving Shay's favourite book of those she'd borrowed from the library most recently.

"But you saided you be home 'morrow and you won't. You won't" Shay reckoned miserably.

"What makes you say that?" Kelly enquired, perplexed by the unnavigable workings of her two year old brain.

"'Cause when you goes work you gets hurty den you go hostible…" Shay summarised matter-of-factly.

"I'm going to try my best to make sure that never happens again. I promise I'll be careful" He proposed, looking her in the eye so she knew he was telling the truth.

"Chasey saided dat but him not come home, he bin sleepin'-ober lots" She contested, unable to differentiate between her brother's return to work from injury and her father's.

"Oh, that's very different Shay. Chase is sleeping over with Nadia. I don't have anywhere else to sleep over, everyone I love is here" He explained. "I promise when I'm not working I'll be here with you" He assured, there was no where he would rather be.

"Mm" The toddler murmured, seemingly in acceptance of what he'd said.

"Is there anything else?" He prompted when she yawned but didn't speak.

"You read me?" Shay asked, deciding that could be a test of whether or not he would be true to his word.

"Mhm, it'll be just like it used to. I'll read to you and tuck you in every night" He agreed, shifting to lie down beside her, Shay snuggled in under his arm and against his chest as he opened the book. He turned to the first page but before he began to read he kissed the top of her head and checked to see that she was alright.

"You stay 'til I sleeps?" She asked, voice quiet and uncertain. He understood that everything that had happened over the last few months was probably confusing to her but he hoped settling back into a routine would help.

"I'm not going anywhere until you're asleep" Kelly asserted with a shake of his head.

"Promise?" The toddler requested seriously.

"I promise" He nodded resolutely.

"Umkay" Shay accepted, yawning again as she turned her eyes to the book, reaching out to trace the illustration.

* * *

"You aren't too tired?" Erin asked, a little hopefully, sitting in bed reading a book when her husband finally emerged from their two year old's bedroom. She had been dreading this part all day, the goodbye. It was time though, if he didn't want to be late.

"No" He denied softly, taking a seat on the edge of the bed, facing her.

"Okay" She accepted stoically.

"Shay's asleep, how'd Em go down?" He asked, treating it an important discussion of their daughter's welfare in order to remain.

"They're fine" Erin concluded, knowing exactly what he was doing. She knew what she needed to do in response, give him a nudge in the right direction and cut the small talk.

"Are you?" He persisted regardless.

"Absolutely" She decided in that moment, he would have a tough time convincing her otherwise.

"I made some promises to make Shay feel better, I intend to keep them…" Kelly began, wanting to see if he could do something similar for his wife. He could see through her answer no matter how determined she was. At the very least he hoped sharing the promises he'd made his daughter would make her feel better about his departure.

"Okay" Erin cut him off with a soothing gesture. "You should go."

"Probably" He admitted reluctantly after a glance at his watch.

"I love you. Stay safe" She said just as she always did before he left for shift, straightening in order to kiss his cheek. Kelly turned his head just in time to capture her lips with his, pouring as much love as he could into that one kiss.

"I love you too" He returned when she pulled away, giving his shoulder a push to force him to his feet. It was hard to see him go, crossing the room slowly and kissing their sleeping baby daughter before grabbing his bag and leaving the room. Kelly made his way downstairs, ensuring Sooty was away and the backdoor locked before turning out the lights and leaving. The front door clicked closed behind him and he made his way down the front stairs in the light from a streetlight alone. His car wasn't in the driveway, Chase had taken it in order to drive Nadia home after dinner, making its way down the street towards him at that very moment.

"Let's go Lieutenant" Chase called once he'd pulled in, leaning across to push open the passenger side door.

"Right back at you" Kelly greeted as he got in. The future was uncertain but the present was for living.


	221. Chapter 221

**I am not happy with this chapter as it is but I really want to keep up with updating every other day. I apologise in advance. **

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"Maaa" Shay groaned sleepily, rolling onto her front to occupy the space her mother had just vacated, sheets warm and welcoming.

"I'll be right back" Erin whispered as she pulled the covers up over the toddler. While Shay was complaining about being woken she would probably find it easier to sleep without her little sister crying for attention across the room. "Shh-sh-shh" Erin comforted as she crossed to the crib, reaching in to rest a calming hand on Ember's stomach. The infant let out one last cry before quieting to a soft grizzle, squirming determinedly until she could capture her mother's fingertip in her mouth.

"Hungry girl" She cooed down at the baby. "Oh, what's that?" Erin questioned raspily, parting the baby's lips and looking into her mouth as she ran her finger across Ember's gums. There was a slight bump but no sign of her bottom front teeth, the thorough examination leading Erin to suspect the baby had hurt herself chewing on a wooden block the previous afternoon.

"Mama" Shay whined, grumbling indistinguishably as she strained to lift her heavy head, looking around to try to work out what was making her mother take so long.

"Come on" Erin murmured to Ember as she reclaimed her finger and picked the baby up. As she turned to move back to the bed she repositioned the baby against her chest, one hand patting Ember's back while the other supported her bottom. Erin was experienced enough to know a wet diaper when she felt one, altering her course in order to change the baby.

It didn't take long and soon she was turning back towards the bed. Shay was sitting up waiting, impatiently by the looks of it. The toddler wore a harsh frown, dark eyes and crossed arms indicating the extent of her discontent. As Erin approached Shay relented, throwing the covers back and shifting out of the way for her mother. Erin smiled at her eldest daughter as she climbed into the bed, laying on her side with Ember cradled in one arm

"Mama" Shay began in a tone that could only mean she was about to protest something. "Emmy is gettin' so bigger" She informed, pushing at her baby sister in the hope of reducing the space she took up.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Erin posed, removing Shay's hand before undoing the clasp and removing enough of her shirt to expose her breast. Ember shrieked, both hands grasping at the creamy flesh before she lurched forward and buried her face in it, sharp little fingernails leaving red crescents as she released her grip.

"I wanna cuggle you" Shay moaned, glaring at her little sister before wriggling closer. The toddler extended one arm, cautious not to touch Ember as she attempted to hug her mother, demonstrating the difficulty she faced.

"We've been cuddlin' all morning little Miss, what's wrong with your bed anyway?" She asked defensively, checking Ember before reaching her free arm over to hold the toddler.

"Daddy goed work" Shay stated flatly, clearly still pouting.

"Mhm, Isn't that a good thing?" Erin repeated, so far failing to see any reasonable grounds on which the toddler could complain.

"Him didn't say bye-bye" Shay contended seriously.

"You were asleep" She reasoned, frowning a little in return before moving her hand up to massage the tension from the toddler's forehead.

"I was just checkin' Daddy really goed" Shay replied with a hint of scepticism. "Mama you gotta stop makin' Emmy-butt bigga" She requested grumpily a second later, shoving her sister again before reaching over and trying to remove her mother's breast from the baby's mouth.

"Shay stop" Erin ordered firmly, holding eye contact with the toddler until she withdrew her hand. "There is no reason for you to be jealous–"

"I not!" Shay denied immediately, though she wasn't entirely sure what that meant, just that it was bad.

"I love you both and we're going to have a nice day, just the three of us" She finished, determined not to let the last few minutes set the tone for the rest of their day. Shay exhaled loudly and pulled a face to show her displeasure, it was hard to stay unhappy though with her mother looking at her hopefully.

"What we doin' 'day? Go seein' Dada?" Shay asked eagerly.

"Maybe, how do you feel about going to yoga this morning?" Erin enquired, they hadn't been in so long but the last thing she wanted was to drag the toddler against her will.

"Caity be there?" Shay requested, wanting to base her decision on whether or not her friend would be present for a long overdue catch-up play.

"I'm not sure, I'll send her Mummy a message then we'll go get ready" She suggested, rolling slightly to grab her phone from the bedside table. She checked the time and sent two text messages, one to Sharron and one to Kelly, curious to know if he was awake and missing her as much as she was him.

"When Em finish" Shay inserted conditionally once her mother put the phone back down, she knew from experience that there was no point speaking while her mother was focusing on her phone.

"She won't be too long" Erin assured, though she had misinterpreted what the toddler was saying since she had left her reply so late.

"Umkay" Shay accepted, patting her sister's back a few times gently before pushing herself up onto her elbow to lean over the baby. "I sorry Emmy-bear-chubby-guts" The toddler apologised, speaking directly into her little sister's ear it was no surprise when the baby turned to look at her. Shay planted a wet kiss on Ember's cheek then urged the baby to continue drinking.

"You used to be this big" Erin explained, knowing the toddler would be baffled by the concept, her little brain couldn't comprehend that she had started out life even smaller than her sister.

"When? Fifty years 'go?" Shay questioned disbelievingly, choosing a random number that seemed big enough.

"Not quite that long" Erin chuckled, sometimes it felt like it while at other times it felt like only yesterday.

"Pretty much" Shay concluded with a shrug.

"Do you want to have a shower with me or do you want to watch some cartoons?" Erin put forward as the toddler's two options for getting ready. They would need to get a move on if they were to make it to yoga on time.

"Showah" Shay answered excitedly.

"Okay, go get your towel then" Erin instructed, looking down at Ember before deciding that if she was careful it wouldn't hurt the baby to join them. Shay's excitement dwindled when she met her mother in the bathroom, Erin peeling off her own clothes while holding a still nursing but now naked baby. Shay dropped her towel to the floor, successfully resisting the urge to say something mean. After a moment in thought the toddler decided that as long as she still got to use her father's body wash it would be alright.

"Emmy!" Shay complained not more than five minutes later, the baby's cries echoing off the tile and glass to sound at least twice as loud.

"Sorry Shay" Her mother offered in apology, adjusting the temperature down and reminding her not to touch the taps before exiting the shower. Shay wasn't sure what to do, she had no idea if her mother was coming back and the worst part was that she hadn't gotten to play with the bubbles yet. Despite the clear instructions she had been given she stepped out of the stream of water and turned the taps, working out which way was off she did her best, giving up when the water was little more than a trickle.

"Dry-dry" The toddler muttered to herself as she pushed the door open rapidly, she was quick to step out of the way when after smacking against the wall the pane of glass swung back at her. Retrieving her towel she wrapped it around herself, leaving wet footprint as she snuck through the bedroom. It was hard to be sensible when she had so many pretty clothes to choose from but she settled on a purple shirt and her black and white leopard print leggings.

"Shay? Where'd you go?" Erin called down the hall, Ember's silence had allowed the barely running shower to be heard. After visiting the bathroom to turn it off properly she went in search of the toddler.

"Here" Shay replied softly, not seeing the point in raising her voice, it didn't really matter since her mother found her anyway.

"Oh, that's it, thank you. I think Em got some water in her ear, yucky huh?" She provided in explanation, still wrapped in a towel herself but holding the fully dressed baby with one arm. Ember even wore a headband, something Erin didn't usually bother with unless it was a special occasion, not when it would only become a bother to make sure the baby kept it on.

"I dressed" Shay pointed out proudly.

"Yeah, you've done a good job" She agreed, smiling and nodding to reinforce what she was saying. It was hard not to take the toddler's independence for granted, Erin constantly having to remind herself that Shay was only two and very capable for her age.

"I ready breakfast" Shay informed, closing the drawer before moving towards the doorway.

"What do you want?" Erin asked playfully, tone indicating the toddler could have anything she asked for.

"Breakfast" Shay answered simply.

"Daddy's cereal?" She offered, the cereal it had gone from being completely forbidden to a bribe that the toddler got as a reward when she behaved well.

"We don'ts gots none" Shay shook her head, her father had suggested her mother forgot to buy it on purpose.

"Oh, yogurt and berries?" She tried again.

"We don't gots that nei-vah" Shay told her mother as she led the way down the stairs.

"Yeah, we have frozen berries" Erin explained, she had bought them because they were good to have in the freezer, intending to use them in smoothies or packet mix muffins when she got around to it. Remembering her motivation for buying them prompted her to question what week it would be for yoga, she typically made muffins for the morning tea they had every other week.

"I toast please, wif peanuts" Shay requested as they entered the kitchen.

"Not Nutella?" She made sure, finding it very strange for the toddler to pass up the opportunity to start the day with sugar.

"No fank you Mama" Shay denied concisely.

"Alright then" Erin allowed, moving around the kitchen to begin preparing the toddler's breakfast. She worked surprisingly efficiently for someone who was trying to keep a towel in place and hold a baby. When Shay was finally situated at the table she went back upstairs to get dressed, returning to find her own toast still cooking, smoke rising from the toaster. Erin swore internally and hit the manual eject button, she considered throwing the charred remains away but couldn't bring herself to waste food, slathering on enough peanut butter that she could hardly taste it anyway.

While her mother ate Shay finished, taking her plate to the kitchen and sliding it onto the bench since she wasn't allowed to go near the dishwasher. She went upstairs and brushed her teeth but her mother was still eating when she returned, taking an awfully long time for some reason. The toddler stopped for a moment to think about what else she could do to help then proceeded to the laundry. It was there Erin found her daughter, quickly intervening to prevent the toddler dispensing even more cat biscuits, scooping some back into the container while explaining that Sooty was only a little bit hungry.

"I am ready yoga now Mama" Shay informed ten minutes later, marching into the bedroom with her shoes on and half her hair pulled up.

"I don't know what I would do without you Shay" Erin replied with a sigh, exhausted just from getting herself and Ember ready.

"I no go wif-out you" Shay assured, concern visible in her big blue eyes as she tried to understand what her mother meant. She might be ready but it was impossible for her to go alone.

"Why don't I call Cindy and see if she can look after Emmy this morning? Then we can go to yoga, just me and you" Erin proposed, already scrolling through her contacts.

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**Sorry guys :( **


	222. Chapter 222

**You are all too lovely. After some sleep I felt better about the last chapter so I've left it as it was. I was frustrated because I didn't check my plan before I started writing so I basically skipped a chapter and messed up a whole storyline :/ I've worked out a way to change the timeline and voila! This is the result… Or part one of the result. **

**Sandygirl – I'm trying to get all the drama out of my system, better days are coming I promise.**

**Biihzane – There will be drama when Erin gets back to work so hang in there!**

**I hope you feel like I listen to you guys, I value your reviews and opinions so much. Though it can be difficult when they're conflicting I try my best to keep everyone happy while telling the story how I want… Alright I'll let you get to reading now. Please enjoy :D**

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"She has grown so much!" Cindy exclaimed, lifting Ember out of her car seat to get a better look at the solid baby. Ember's big thighs made dressing her in anything other than onesies a challenge, Erin thankful it was summer.

"That what I saided Mama" Shay reminded, tugging at her mother's shirt to get her attention.

"Yes you did Shay" Erin agreed, smiling at the toddler before looking back to Cindy, the older woman quite content cuddling the happy baby. "She's doing well" She added, speaking to the other adult.

"She's beautiful Erin, and I get to keep her until eleven o'clock?" Cindy clarified, clearly excited by the prospect of a few hours with the baby.

"Yeah, I'll call you if that changes" Erin nodded, taking Ember's hand to say goodbye before handing over the diaper bag. It would be odd going to yoga without the baby but Shay deserved some one on one time and Erin wasn't at all worried about leaving Ember with Cindy.

"Alright, have fun. I will be, thank you" Cindy said, grinning as she ushered them back down the front path.

"Shouldn't I be thanking you?" Erin stopped to question, laughing as Cindy shook her head adamantly. She watched Cindy bend her head and inhale, enjoying the scent that was distinctly baby, then continued in the direction of the car.

"Bye-bye Emmy" Shay called, turning around to look back and wave at her baby sister as her mother opened the gate.

"Come on princess, it's yoga time" Erin said cheerfully, taking one last look over her shoulder at Cindy and Ember before taking Shay's hand. She helped the toddler up into the car then watched the front door of the house close as she climbed in. 'Let it Go' blasted on repeat in the vehicle as they drove back the way they had come, Sharron had informed them that yoga had finally been relocated to the park near their house for the warmer months.

"Cod nevaaa bovered me anywaayyy!" Shay belted as they pulled up, Erin allowing the last twinkle of music to play before turning the car off. She could see women and babies already assembled on yoga mats across the grass and so rushed to exit the vehicle. Carrying Shay was faster than allowing the toddler to walk and so it was no surprise when her mind was catapulted back in time to their first session. Erin arriving with her yoga mat tucked under one arm and baby Shay on her hip, a little uncertain in the unfamiliar environment. Gina had been quick to make her feel welcome but as she approached that Monday morning she quickly realised the instructor was missing.

"Hey Er!" Sharron called as they neared, gesturing to a patch of grass she'd saved for her friend.

"Hey, hi Caity" Erin greeted both of them, dropping the mat to the ground before lowering Shay to her feet.

"Shay!" Caitlin squealed as she ran at her friend, immediately wrapping her arms around Shay. The two hugged for a long moment before overbalancing and tumbling to the ground, giggling as they released each other and sat up, just in time to get out of the way of the yoga mat.

"How have you been?" Erin questioned, stretching before sitting down a little way away from the girls who were still occupied in a very high pitched exchange of toddler greetings.

"Good, you?" Sharron returned, looking around quickly like a meerkat checking for predators before focusing on Erin.

"Yeah good" She nodded, the word seemed to summarise exactly how she was feeling now that they were starting to get back to normal. Yoga might only be a small part of that but just as her husband had recommended she knew she needed to break it down and take things step by step. And if yoga class was the first step it was probably important for the instructor to show up. "Where's Gina?" She asked after looking around.

"Oh you weren't here…" Sharron began.

"Here for what?" Erin cut off urgently, feeling extraordinarily left out.

"Two weeks ago, out of the blue, some other lady turns up and says she's replacing Gina while she's in hospital…" Sharron attempted to explain.

"Hospital? What happened? Is she okay?" Erin questioned rapid-fire, as if she were interrogating someone for critical information.

"I'll tell you if you stop interrupting" Sharron reasoned with a somewhat frustrated look.

"Sorry" Erin apologised, pulling a regretful face at her own behaviour, hardly better than a two year old.

"Gina has cancer, so she's started chemo apparently but that's not even the worst part! Her replacement Yvonne, is awful, that's her there… you'll see what I mean" Sharron assured, peeking around Erin a few times to keep an eye on the subject of their conversation. Yvonne was moving towards them, greeting other women as she went.

Sharron looked genuinely scared of the woman and so Erin couldn't resist the urge to turn around and see for herself. The new yoga instructor was middle aged and could be described as skeletally thin rather than petite, there was nothing particularly terrifying about her appearance that Erin could distinguish in the three seconds she got to look. "Don't look!" Sharron hissed, grabbing Erin's arm and tugging. "And whatever you do don't make eye contact, she's coming this way" She added sternly.

"Come on, she can't be that bad!" Erin defended, shaking her head at the perceived silliness. Despite being told not to she looked around, smiling when she made eye contact with Yvonne. The new instructor identified the new participant and changed direction to head towards Erin.

"Ladies" She greeted flatly, her voice no real indicator of her temperament.

"Good morning" Erin returned cheerily, ignoring the wide eyed, stunned expression of her companion.

"Forgive me, I've only been doing this a few weeks. Are you new?" Yvonne enquired, politely enough for Erin to completely disregard everything Sharron had led her to believe in their brief conversation.

"No, we just haven't been able to make it for a few weeks" Erin explained, not wanting to go into any more detail than necessary.

"I see" Yvonne replied, looking displeased as a shriek from Shay caught her attention, hawklike eyes darting away to analyse the two toddlers carefully. Erin suddenly felt very uncomfortable, something about the way the woman was looking at her child made her want to shift between them and block Shay from her view.

"Shay, say hello" Erin instructed, trying to keep her voice even.

"Say hello" Shay echoed cheekily, shoving Caitlin aside roughly before sitting up straight to try to make a good first impression.

"Hm" Yvonne offered with a sour expression.

"Who you?" Shay demanded curiously, not sure why her mother was asking her to talk to a stranger.

"My name is Mrs Dunbrook and I run this yoga class young lady" Yvonne introduced sharply, her manner towards Shay making Erin seriously question her motives for working with small children.

"Run? You no run yoga" Shay informed with a giggle, thinking it was the silliest thing for the woman to have said. It didn't help that Caitlin joined in giggling, both stopping when they received a stern glare from the woman. "Where Miss Gigi?" The toddler questioned, using the affectionate name she'd given Gina using sounds she had been confident saying when they'd first met.

"Mrs Howe?" Yvonne attempted to clarify, unnecessarily since it was clear she knew who the toddler was talking to.

"That's what she calls Gina" Sharron felt the need to interject, defending the two year old only felt right since her daughter called Gina the same thing.

"Where Miss Gi-naa? I likes Miss Gi-na" Shay justified, frowning at the woman who had glared at her.

"Well she isn't here" Yvonne stated rudely, shaking her head at the little girl's insolence.

"But where is she? I likes her…" Shay pestered, quieting not because she was finished speaking but because her mother had given her a look that said she should. The two year old seriously hoped her mother wasn't going to suggest she was doing the wrong thing, she was just trying to understand what was happening.

"How old are you? How old is she?" Yvonne questioned, disregarding the toddler in favour of her mother.

"Two" Erin provided, usually when people asked Shay's age they followed up with a compliment, she seriously doubted that would be the case.

"Two years old? You do realise this is Mums and **Bubs** yoga don't you" Yvonne shared, looking around the congregation before returning her intense gaze to Shay and Caitlin.

"Yes I do. We've been coming since Shay was little" Erin explained, having a bad feeling about what was going to happen next.

"Yeah, Cait's older. They love it though" Sharron backed her up, wondering if Erin was regretting attracting Yvonne's attention.

"Well this class isn't suitable for them" Yvonne informed, choosing her words carefully as she stared the two women down. "Or you"

"Uh, we were here last week and you didn't say anything" Sharron was quick to remind.

"I didn't realise how old she was. You'll need to find another class" Yvonne finished, giving them both a dismissive nod before crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. Erin half expected her to start tapping her foot.

"Are you asking us to leave?" Erin questioned despite the older woman's body language making it perfectly clear they weren't welcome.

"I think that would be best, for everyone" Yvonne stood firm, uncrossing her arms only to gesture.

"Half these kids aren't technically babies, are you going to ask them to go as well?" Sharron demanded, standing up rapidly out of anger.

"Please don't make this difficult dear" Yvonne recommended, her tone completely patronising.

"I can't believe this, Gina would–" Sharron began.

"Gina isn't here, **I am**" Yvonne reminded tersely.

"Okay, okay" Erin said as she too stood, worried that things would escalate further if she didn't step in. "Come on girls" She urged, giving the two toddler's a comforting smile before bending to roll up her yoga mat, giving it a tug when she noticed Yvonne was standing on it. The older woman glared before stepping back, gesturing again more pointedly.

"Where we goin' Mama?" Shay questioned as she stood up, her mother's hand at her shoulder gesturing for her to start moving.

"What 'bout Yoga?" Caitlin added when Erin began to guide her as well. Sharron couldn't even speak she was so infuriated by the whole situation and was thankful Erin had remained level-headed, not that she knew how she had managed that.

"Not today" Erin answered, not sure how to answer Shay's since she wasn't sure where they were going. They were about halfway to the edge of the park where they had both parked when Sharron burst out laughing.

"We just got kicked out of yoga class!" Sharron blurted before continuing to laugh, the tension had gotten to her and now as she relaxed the reality of what had happened was hitting her.

"Yeah" Erin nodded, shaking her head in disbelief while laughing softly herself, it was just so ridiculous.

"Gina would never have kicked someone out, no matter how old their kid was" Sharron asserted confidently.

"Mhm" Erin agreed, they were parked a few spaces apart and so Erin stopped, along with both girls, approximately equidistant between the two vehicles. "What are we going to do?"

"Put in a complaint… I'm not sure who to but still, surely that's discrimination! Can you arrest her for that?" Sharron pondered, having reached the point where she wanted some form of justice.

"No. I mean now anyway, since we're not doing yoga anymore" She complained with a sigh, though she would rather not stay in an environment where she wasn't welcome.

"I don't know, what do you want to do?" Sharron asked with a shrug.

"Do you know what hospital Gina's in?" Erin questioned, wondering if it would be appropriate for them to visit her. It was more a question of whether or not she was well enough for visitors since she definitely wouldn't turn them away. Gina had almost become a mother figure in her approachability, always willing to stay after class to talk and offer non-judgemental advice.

"Chicago Med" Sharron answered.

"Fancy paying her a visit?" Erin suggested, wanting Sharron's opinion on the matter so she could work out if it was an acceptable thing to want to do.

"Absolutely, let's do that!" Sharron agreed instantly.

"Okay" Erin concluded, the beginnings of a smile forming on her face. It felt like the right thing to do. They discussed the details briefly, Sharron nowhere near as familiar with the hospital as Erin was, then mirrored each other in collecting a toddler and heading to a car.

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**I never feel like I write the bad guys very well, it's hard to be mean to characters I love. Anyway coming up next we're visiting the firehouse to see how Kelly and Chase are managing the shift in power :D **


	223. Chapter 223

**Sorry for the delay… But not really, I've been busy spending time with family for Easter. On that note Happy (early) Easter, have a chapter to celebrate :D **

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"As former acting Lieutenant I order you to stop pouting Lieutenant" Chase commanded as he slid into the seat next to Kelly at the large dining table in the communal living space of firehouse fifty-one.

"Hm?" Kelly questioned as he looked up, turning off his phone and setting it screen down on the table. Playing clueless was probably his best chance of avoiding a conversation he didn't really want to be having, he'd much rather continue staring at four words in a text message from his wife. '_We miss you already._'

"Erin can handle just about anything, you don't have to worry about them. Anyway, I thought you wanted to come back" Chase challenged, narrowing his eyes as he pretended he didn't know exactly what the older man's problem was. Of course Kelly would miss spending all day, every day with his wife and daughters.

"Mm… Not that I see the point in me being here" He grumbled in response, checking his watch yet again. Time seemed to be passing ridiculously slowly, maybe that was because they hadn't had a single call to help pass the time.

"It's a curse, first shift back, I reckon" Chase hypothesised. He knew from experience that Kelly wouldn't stop missing home until he was reminded of the importance of their job. And that only came in the form of getting into action and saving lives.

"Well at home I could be doing something productive" Kelly concluded flatly, tracing the edge of his phone with one finger but not picking it up. He understood that Chase was only trying to help but if the younger man didn't leave him alone he was going to end up taking out his frustrations on him.

"Or reproductive" Mouch contributed from the couch, barely glancing across at the pair. It was sufficiently intrusive to Kelly's thoughts that it succeeded in distracting him momentarily, long enough to respond with an amused exhale and a shake of the head.

"They're probably at yoga" Chase informed, adoptive or not he'd rather not think of his parents like that.

"SEVERIDE!" Came an angry shout from down the corridor, Herrmann then proceeding to march into the room, his phone held out and an exasperated look on his face.

"What'd I do?" Kelly questioned defensively.

"This!" Herrmann replied as he shoved the phone at the younger man. "Cindy's askin' if we can adopt! Adopt! She wants another baby" He informed dramatically.

"No! Or at least not that one, she's mine. Ours" Kelly contended when after reaching out to still the shaking phone he recognised his baby daughter in the photo. "What's Em doing at your place anyway?" He enquired, taking the phone for a better look. She was so perfect that he already missed just looking at her, her cheeky smile and her chubby arms and legs.

"Don't ask me" Herrmann snapped, still alarmed by his wife's request he took his phone back and frowned at the image that had made the squad lieutenant smile for the first time that shift. Kelly couldn't shift his curiosity though, reaching for his own phone, intent on checking in with his wife. Before he could grasp the device though Chase had seized it, the younger man moving evasively to prevent him reaching it.

"Chase" Kelly growled, refusing to play the game he simply extended his open hand and waited, using his best authoritative look.

"They're fine. Leave it at the door, that's what you always told me" Chase reminded seriously, as much as he believed in the curse he knew the importance of always being ready for a call.

"This is different, if Em's with Cindy then something must have happened. Give me my phone" Kelly commanded sternly, it probably wasn't anything major but he was only going to fret and stress until he knew his wife and daughters were okay. As far as he knew Erin had been looking forward to a morning with the girls.

"Head in the game Lieutenant" Chase recommended, jumping to his feet when his superior launched himself towards the phone.

"Give me my damn phone!" Kelly cried frustratedly as he grabbed at Chase's shirt, despite the struggle he put up Kelly easily pulled Chase back determined to the phone. Chase held the device out behind himself, just out of Kelly's reach.

"What's going on?" Casey barked as he entered, eyes immediately drawn to the scuffle that had broken out between the two men.

"Severide's about to kill the kid" Herrmann provided, content as a spectator. It only took a moment observing the pair to work out what they were fighting over, Casey taking it upon himself to end the increasingly rough altercation. He stepped in behind Chase and easily snatched the phone from his outstretched hand.

"Mine now. You can have it back at the end of shift" Casey informed, shoving the phone into his pocket, he didn't even know which man it belonged to.

"Matt" Kelly began immediately, releasing Chase with a shove only so that he could follow his fellow lieutenant. "Something's going on with Erin" He explained urgently. "I just want to call and check that she's okay… and Shay" He added, playing on Matt's own paternal feelings to motivate him to return the phone. Casey considered that for little more than a second before surrendering the device to its rightful owner.

"Fine" Chase conceded. "But a distracted firefighter is an accident waiting to happen" He asserted, another adage Kelly had spouted wisely in Chase's early days on the job.

"I'm glad I wasn't here when you were in charge" Kelly threw back, he didn't really mean it and they both knew it.

"Oooh!" Otis hissed at the perceived hurt those words caused, completely ignored by the pair. Kelly pushed through the door and selected his wife's phone number, hitting dial his eyes scanned the whiteboard as he waited for her to pick up. After three rings he lent back against the edge of a desk and sighed, hope swelled in his chest before his stomach sank as her cheerful greeting ended with a voicemail tone.

"Hey babe, just wanted to check in. Call me when you get this" He requested before hanging up and shoving the phone into his pocket. There was no explanation for Ember being with Cindy that didn't cause him concern but most importantly he wanted to hear their voices. The only thing that would get rid of the bad feeling he had in the pit of his stomach was reassurance that everything was alright from their mouths. Before he could pace across the room and back the silence was shattered and his presence was required elsewhere. Maybe there wasn't a curse after all.

Thick grey-blue smoke billowed from the windows of the building, the glass of those on the third and fourth stories glowing. Flaming tendrils climbed the curtains flapping about in the hot breeze created by the blaze, a victim hanging from the windowsill below the smashed pane. Boden's voice could already be heard giving orders over their radios, Truck would focus their energy on saving the only visible victim before proceeding to the roof to vent the structure. Squad three were tasked with a severely time limited internal search and rescue operation. Kelly, sat in the front passenger seat of the squad truck, was too busy punching out a text message to his wife to acknowledge the order or even assess the fire before they pulled up.

"How are we gonna do this Sev?" Capp questioned from the back seat, prompted by a look to Chase that revealed a sullen young adult instead of the authoritative lieutenant he had become used to seeing in the kid.

"Search and rescue, pairs, Chase with me. You know the drill. We'll do a quick check of the fourth floor if we can get there – it's probably too far gone though – then sweep the third. You two cover the second floor and we'll get truck in to help on the first. We evacuate, Brett and Mills will triage" Severide conveyed as they pulled up out the front of the building.

"It's a rehab center" Tony shared, the first out of the vehicle he paused to read the sign while waiting for the rest of the squad.

"What kind?" Chase questioned, taking the lieutenants role out of habit he yanked slid open a compartment and began handing out air tanks.

"Drugs and alcohol" Tony answered as he slung the tank onto his back and checked it was operational.

"Squad three, anyone you find send 'em out to the side alley, that's where they're gathering. The fire escape is clear, fire started in the north west corner" Boden informed over the radio. Kelly was particularly relieved to know people had already begun to evacuate themselves from the building, the location of the fire also explained why they'd been able to see it from such a distance.

"You heard the man, let's get to work" Kelly offered finally, accepting the gas tank from Chase he checked it as he strode towards the building. Smoke stung his eyes and filled his nostrils before he fitted his mask at the front stairs, pulling his helmet on and taking a deep breath of clean oxygen. Chase who had been hot on his lieutenant's heels paused next to him, fitting his mask and helmet as well.

Squad three entered the burning building together and immediately got to work. Visibility on the first floor was good enough for them all to make out a line of people streaming towards the fire escape on the eastern side of the building. They seemed calm and orderly under the direction of a middle aged woman and so Kelly modified the plan and ordered everyone up a flight of stairs. The central stairwell was open all the way up and had already filled with smoke, slowing their progress up the stairs as they dodged people making their way down.

Reaching the second floor squad three divided, Kelly and Chase continuing their ascent while the others began a search. Shouts of 'Fire department, call out!' helped orientate the pair as smoke blinded them. They came across an active fire at the landing of the fourth floor and knew they wouldn't have time to clear all the rooms unless they split up, something they communicated rapidly. Before they went separate ways though they paused Chase initiating a steadying grip to the bicep, any traces of animosity forgotten as they silently wished each other luck.

For the first time in his career Kelly struggled to stay calm as he sucked in deep breaths of clean air while wading through a fog of thick dark smoke. He kept one hand on the wall to guide him as he took stumbling steps into the unknown. On the way upstairs he'd seen enough to know the fire had started on the third story, the wooden floor beneath his feet creaked in protest and could potentially give way at any second. He paused for a moment, exhaling slowly as he tried to calm himself, he'd done this hundreds of times. It was his job, a job he loved, not nearly as much as he loved his family though. And it was that realisation that got through to him, he needed to clear the building, do his job safely, so he could return to them.

"Fir–" The shout died in his throat, a rush of air leaving his lungs as something collided forcefully with him. The flailing limbs indicated it was human as they both fell to the floor, Kelly rolled to land on his side but still broke the person's fall.

"Help me!" The woman screamed, gripping onto Kelly's jacket.

"Okay, okay, stay calm" Kelly advised steadily, taking her with him as he stood only because she refused to let go. In such close proximity the beam of light from his torch revealed the woman had her shirt up over her face, reducing her smoke intake but also her ability to see. Kelly tucked his helmet under his arm before peeling away the mask, giving the woman a moment to breathe while he calculated based on strides alone how far he was from the end of the corridor. He wouldn't have time to get her to the stairs and come back so he sat her down and rushed off to clear the remaining rooms.

Those to the right were all ablaze and too dangerous to enter, reducing the rooms he had to check to four. It helped that they were all the same layout and after yelling into and searching each he returned to the woman. Shouting every other step he conveyed her back towards the stairs. Chase was already there, using a fire extinguisher on the landing fire to clear a path for himself and the three women he'd rescued. Once they were on their way he directed the white foam at the other half of the fire and made it possible for Kelly and the woman he'd rescued to get through.

"One floor down" Chase chirped optimistically, tossing the empty extinguisher aside before catching up with Kelly and the woman on the stairs. They passed her off to Tony then dashed back up to the third floor. From the landing they determined that the corridor running northwards was too far gone, fire climbing the doorframes and eating at the walls. Heading south instead they worked together to clear the rooms, working efficiently until they were a little more than halfway. "Severide, it's locked" Chase called just as Kelly was making the same discovery on the other side of the hall.

"This one too. Fire department, call out!" Kelly shouted, unprepared for the cacophony of noise he received in response, calls for help emanated from all of the remaining rooms. Kelly threw his weight at the door, the resultant thud motivating Chase to do the same. It took two more attempts for him to get through. He ordered the man who emerged to wait, not wanting to lose track of anyone, but the man ran for it as soon as Kelly turned away. The man Chase freed was the complete opposite, quickly trying to kick another door down. Thankfully there were more like Chase's than Kelly's and soon there was only one door left to be opened, right at the end of the corridor.

"You can't open that one" The man Chase had rescued first protested, trying to block the door as the other men they'd rescued shifted uneasily. "He's too far gone" He insisted, pushing Kelly back. There were nods of agreement from all of the former captives but Kelly and Chase knew they couldn't leave anyone behind.

"Just let us get him outside" Kelly recommended firmly.

"He's nuts" A different man, young, thin and pale, contributed.

"Your funeral" The man finished, raising his hands in surrender before moving aside. Kelly had the door open with a single kick but there didn't seem to be anyone waiting to get out. Shining his torch into the room Kelly saw the occupant, a shaggy haired middle aged man, lying on the bed peacefully. Kelly grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him to his feet, continuing to pull him out of the room when he failed to propel himself. The man didn't resist at all, dragged down the central stairs then down the fire escape before being seated with the others from the locked rooms, guarded by police.

"All clear" Kelly informed Boden over the radio after speaking with the rest of his squad. Breathing a sigh of relief when he released the radio button, they had succeeded, everyone was accounted for and they were uninjured.

"Your job's done then, pack up" Chief Boden ordered, Kelly nodded to his men, confirming the directive before leading the way back around the building to their truck. While Chase had handed full oxygen tanks out Kelly put near empty ones away, congratulating each of his men on a job well done as he did so. Any fear he'd felt inside the building was long forgotten, replaced by the satisfaction of having saved lives.

"GET HIM!" A policeman bellowed down the street just as Kelly was sliding down the compartment door, the rest of the squad had already climbed into the truck but he'd insisted on signing the return of oxygen tanks form then and there. Kelly spun and instantly recognised the shaggy haired man he'd escorted out of the building making a run for it.

Kelly felt duty bound to act, taking off after the man at top speed it was a swift takedown, tackling him to the ground in a matter of seconds. With a grip on the man's shirt Kelly got up, looking over his shoulder for the policeman. The brief lapse in concentration was enough, Kelly of the opinion that once captured the man would cease trying to get away. The man squirmed though and as Kelly looked around to get a better grip, an elbow caught him in the eye. Thankfully Chase and the policeman were both there to take care of the escapee when Kelly released him, recoiling in pain. Even with Chase and the policeman restraining him the man continued to thrash violently until Mills arrived with a syringe full of a sedative. By the time the man was unconscious on the pavement quite a crowd had gathered.

"Lemme see" Chase requested, having pushed through the crowd he pulled Kelly's hand away from his eye when the older man didn't comply. Chase hissed as he caught a first glimpse at the damage, the eye had already swollen to the point Kelly could barely open it, watering uncontrollably.

"He get you Kelly?" Mills questioned, drawing attention to the injury as he made his way over.

"Ya think" Kelly muttered sarcastically in response, only one thing on his mind. How on earth was he supposed to hide a black eye from his wife?

"You'd better get that checked out" Chief Boden ordered as he joined them. Kelly tried to scowl, he doubted a black eye required medical attention an icepack maybe but definitely not a doctor, but a searing pain in his eye made it a very half-hearted attempt. "Mills take Severide to Med, Chase you get everyone back to fifty-one" Boden clarified, giving Kelly a look that dared him to argue. Kelly groaned in protest but went with Mills, at least with a doctors opinion he might be able to calm his wife.

* * *

**There you go, I didn't do anything too nasty to poor Severide… Erin might though!**

**On a side note I just wanted to let you all know that thanks to the incredible blackwidow90legolas88 Baby Severide is now being translated into French! It's truly remarkable to me that people all over the world are reading my story, I hope this makes it more accessible. **


	224. Chapter 224

**No this isn't an April Fool's joke… I'm actually updating at long last. Please enjoy :D**

* * *

"So I'm kinda glad I don't know my way around this place as well as you do" Sharron informed, half-jokingly, as she followed Erin through the maze of hospital corridors. Already completely disoriented she couldn't have found her way back to the parking lot even if she'd wanted to.

"I'm just following the signs" Erin admitted in a hushed tone that made it sound as if she wanted it kept a secret, briefly pointing to the sign on the opposite wall that read 'Oncology' in bold capital letters. She did have some idea where they were going but suspected it would have changed dramatically in the last decade or so.

"Ahh" Sharron accepted with a nod. "That makes sense."

"Yeah…" She began, about to expand on her confession when a group of people, presumably doctors given their long white coats, came rushing towards them. Erin was quick to tug Shay's little hand, pulling the toddler in close as she stepped back up against the wall and out of their path.

"Where dey goin' Mama?" Shay questioned, her eyes following the gaggle of doctors even as her mother began walking again.

"I'm not sure, we're going this way though" Erin answered, glimpsing back over her shoulder before stopping for a second to pick up the distracted toddler. Sharron had had the right idea from the beginning, Caitlin's feet hadn't touched the ground since they'd left the park. The hospital was a buzzing hive of activity with doctors and nurses swarming around them. Erin definitely felt a little out of place but nowhere near as badly as she had during the confrontation with Yvonne. She still couldn't quite believe that that had really happened.

"We'd better get our story straight" Sharron commented as they finally arrived at their destination, the corridor opened out into a waiting room. There were two other corridors leading away in each direction and a nurse's station directly opposite the entrance.

"What do you mean?" Erin asked uncertainly, slowing significantly so they had time to talk before reaching the nurse's station.

"Well I don't think we should tell Gina we got kicked out, she's got enough to deal with" Sharron elaborated.

"Right, so how are we going to explain that we're here and not there?" Erin posed as she caught on to the idea and decided to go with it, it made sense not to bring unnecessary stress to someone in hospital. Gina would waste her energy apologising and being angry with Yvonne rather than using it to get well.

"Uh…We tell her Kelly had an appointment" Sharron suggested cleverly, thinking out loud.

"Okay" Erin agreed, thinking they could work with that. "He had an appointment so I was coming anyway but you wanted to visit Gina and we met up by coincidence…" She added, knowing how important detail was in constructing a convincing lie.

"Perfect" Sharron concluded triumphantly.

"Yeah but why are you visiting now?" She queried as she ran through the story in her head, more worried about that hospital visit than she had ever been for an undercover job.

"I'll figure something out" Sharron shrugged off, confident she would be able to improvise if questioned.

"That's assuming she wants and is allowed visitors anyway" Erin reminded sensibly, hoping they hadn't gotten too far ahead of themselves.

"True" Sharron agreed, frowning a little at the alternative. "You askin' or am I?" She asked since their slow wander was drawing them nearer and nearer to the nurse's station.

"I will" Erin volunteered, taking another step forward to reach a proximity at which asking a question would be appropriate. Before she could get the attention of one of the nurses Shay was squirming in her arms, trying to get from one hip to the other. The move meant the toddler was fractionally closer to the wonderful bobbing coloured orbs that had just come into view down the corridor on her right.

"Mama!" Shay shrieked in her excitement, tugging at the neck hole of her mother's shirt as if it were a horses reins and would steer her mother towards them.

"Shh, Shay" Erin requested, smiling at the nurse who had looked up at Shay's loud exclamation.

"Mama look!" Shay urged at a slightly reduced volume.

"Mhm" She nodded as she complied with the toddler's directive, turning her head until she could see what Shay was seeing. "There are balloons."

"B'lloons" Shay repeated, completely wonderstruck she wriggled again, extending her arm to reach for the helium balloons. They were tied to the door handle of a tiny improvised gift shop, more balloons could be seen behind the glass doors along with stuffed toys and a variety of floral arrangements.

"Shay they're not for us" She reasoned gently, understanding the toddler's desire but knowing it wasn't the time to indulge it she looked back to the nurse who had stood in anticipation of an enquiry.

"But…" The toddler began, eager to negotiate.

"Shh please" Erin instructed. "Good morning, we were hoping to visit Gina Howe but we're not sure where exactly her room is, would you be able to help?" She asked the nurse politely.

"Certainly" The woman answered kindly, sitting back down to conduct a search on the computer. "Sorry what was the last name?"

"Howe, H-O-W-E" Erin provided, retracting Shay's arm so the toddler stopped grasping at the air.

"Ah, yes. Ms Howe is in East-C17" The nurse provided after a few rapid keystrokes and a click or two.

"Okay" Erin acknowledged with a nod. Her voice must have given away her uncertainty though because the nurse stood, gesturing as she gave more detailed directions.

"So that's in the East wing, corridor C is the third one down and room seventeen will be on the left."

"Thank you" Erin and Sharron contributed synchronously, smiling then exchanging a look as the nurse got back to work. To get to Gina's room they would need to pass the gift shop and the balloons.

"'loons!" Shay reminded excitedly as they began moving in that direction, the toddler's head swivelled to keep her eyes locked on the balloons.

"Yep, we're going past the balloons" Erin replied, voice filled with reluctance because she really wasn't in the mood for the tantrum that would inevitably occur when she refused to buy one for her daughter.

"Me has ba-loon?" Shay asked, tearing her eyes away from them to give her mother that look. Big blue eyes begging as if the balloons were the only thing that would ever make her happy again. Erin leaned forward and kissed the toddler's nose, thankful that the perfect response came to her as she did so.

"They're not for us, they're for the sick people" She explained, pulling a sympathetic face as she patted the toddler's back comfortingly. Shay's bottom lip jutted out and her eyes filled with tears before she got a glimpse into the room on their right, a sleeping man completely alone in a miserable hospital room. As much as she wanted a balloon she knew he deserved one more. In her innocence Shay wished they had gotten one for her father when he was in hospital, then she could have had it when he got better.

"Umkay" She allowed sadly, resting her head on her mother's shoulder as she conceded the loss.

"Should we get something for Gina?" Sharron questioned as they reached the doors of the gift shop. Since they'd all gotten a look inside one of the rooms she thought getting something to brighten Gina's was important.

"If you want" Erin shrugged, kissing Shay's cheek to both reward and distract the toddler. It wasn't particularly kind to stop right near the balloons Shay couldn't have, but it wasn't Erin's idea.

"What type do you think she likes?" Sharron questioned, pulling the door open she held it in a way that left Erin with little choice but to enter the confined space. The smell was overwhelming, some sort of synthetic indiscriminate floral aroma thick in the air.

"Gerbera's" Erin answered, pointing to a bouquet within Sharron's reach. It was a complete and total lie and Sharron must have sensed it, giving her friend a questioning look at the rapid and oddly specific response. "She told me they were her favourite when Shay wore a dress with them" She improvised, again a case of detail making a lie, just enough to make it plausible.

"Well good, I like them too" Sharron concluded. "They make you smile don't they?" She mused as she selected the bouquet and moved towards the counter. When Erin didn't provide a response, too occupied trying to breathe through her mouth to avoid the smell, Sharron continued. "Let me guess you're more of a rose girl right? Kelly buys 'em for you all the time…"

"Nope. I don't like flowers" Erin answered a little too loudly, earning an almost offended look from the woman behind the register. "I mean I like flowers. On plants, where they belong, not on display. It's just sad"

"Somebody's cheerful this morning" Sharron muttered, raising her eyebrows to suggest that Erin shouldn't always be so honest. If only she knew.

"Me!" Caitlin announced, smiling at her mother.

"Yeah me!" Shay agreed, perking up despite not knowing what she was volunteering for since she hadn't heard Sharron's comment.

"I used all my cash money on parking…" Erin explained apologetically when the woman behind the counter provided a price. They were hardly expensive but she felt bad not contributing when it had been her idea to visit Gina.

"Don't worry" Sharron dismissed quickly, handing over a few notes and accepting the flowers in return.

Erin was incredibly thankful for the clean air when they left the tiny shop, pausing just outside to take a deep breath of the very faintly antiseptic scented air. Even after setting Shay down and reorienting herself to lead the way she couldn't shift the underlying sense of nausea she felt. She didn't think she was actually going to be sick though, quite sure she had vomited enough for one lifetime while sick the other week and so continued as if nothing was wrong.

They turned down the third corridor of the east wing, just as instructed, and counted the room numbers as they walked along. The girls counted with them until they reached ten, Shay continued, echoing her mother in a mumble while Sharron slowed and tried to teach Caitlin the numbers properly. As a result Erin reached the door marked seventeen first, waiting until Sharron caught up before stepping into the doorway.

"Hey" Erin greeted in a whisper after knocking twice softly. She didn't want to disturb the woman in the hospital bed if she was as she appeared to be, sleeping.

"Mama, Miss Gigi!" Shay announced loudly as she followed her mother's gaze to the still, pale but still easily recognisable form. Gina wasn't still for long though, opening her eyes and moving her head to locate the origin of the sound, not sure that she wasn't imagining the distinctive voice of one of the little girls she taught yoga. It was where she would much rather be, out in the open doing what she loved. Seeing Erin and Shay was enough to spread a huge smile across her face.

"Inside voice" Erin urged rapidly, moving forward a little she was bumped from behind and ended up taking a full step into the room.

"Oh, it's so lovely to see you both" Gina said, positively beaming as she sat up, adjusting the bed and pillows to get comfortable in the upright position.

"We weren't sure if you were up for visitors…" Erin offered uncertainly, outside of yoga they didn't really know each other and she found herself questioning her decision to visit. Noticing the dark bruises on Gina's arms and the beginnings of hair loss as she sat up brought her diagnosis back to the forefront of Erin's mind.

"Vis-y-tors" Shay explained, jabbing a finger at her chest before poking her mother and pointing at Sharron and Caitlin.

"Yes, thank you for visiting Shay" Gina acknowledged, nodding encouragingly as the toddler smiled proudly at having been helpful. Shay was disappointed then when Gina's gaze drifted away and she was no longer the center of attention. The flowers were fussed about, though Shay thought a balloon would have been a much better gift, and set on the bedside table. There was a lot of boring grown-up talking after that and with nothing better to do Shay soon fell asleep.

"I need to get going" Erin realised aloud during a lull in conversation, she'd been absentmindedly stroking Shay's hair when her watch had caught her eye. As much as she'd enjoyed learning more about Gina and her family she would need to leave soon in order to pick Ember up on time.

"Well it's been wonderful to see you, thank you so much for coming" Gina extended, genuinely appreciative that they had even thought to visit her.

"Hopefully we'll see you at yoga again soon" Erin returned as she stood, pushing the chair aside with her foot so that she could get around it.

"I don't know my way out of here without her" Sharron admitted looking to her friend rather than Gina; neither saw the happiness drain from the older woman in response to Erin's motivational statement.

"Sorry" Erin apologised when she did glance back at Gina, feeling guilty for ending the visit so abruptly.

"We'll have to come back" Sharron concluded cheerily as she too got up.

"No" Gina protested softly. "Don't worry, I've lived a good life" She finished, voice steady as she gave a little wave. Erin and Sharron stood speechless for a long moment before an insistent look from Gina had them exit the confined space.

"Does that mean…?" Sharron questioned sometime later, it could have been five minutes or half an hour, neither could be sure. Erin was still trying to work that out herself and didn't give an answer. It was enough of a prompt though that she started to pay attention to their surrounds a little better, quickly working out that they definitely weren't going the right way.

There was no point getting any more lost and so she stopped, suddenly, right in the middle of the walkway. Sharron took another few steps before noticing, shaking her head and blinking rapidly to clear her head as she turned around. Having both shaken off the fog that had consumed their consciousness they exchanged a look.

"I don't know where we are" Erin confessed, spinning on the spot in search of something that would point her in the right direction.

"Any idea which way?" Sharron questioned hopefully when Erin turned back to face her.

"Uh… If we find Radiology I can get us to the Emergency Department" Erin worked out, checking off the signs overhead for places she recognised.

"To Radiology" Sharron agreed, it was better than her first instinct which would have been waiting around and asking for directions. Erin was true to her word and after passing through the Radiology department she successfully navigated them to the Emergency Department.

"If you could just sit still…" A familiar voice requested from some way away, Erin had no idea why she heard Will Halstead over the rest of the sounds filling the air but she didn't let it interfere with her thoughts. At least not until a second later when she picked up another familiar tone.

"Ow!" He hissed. Erin halted and the nausea returned at full strength.

"What now? We're not lost again?" Sharron complained loudly as she almost bumped into Erin, the other woman had seemingly developed a habit of stopping unexpectedly.

"The exit is that way. I've gotta…" Erin trailed off, moving again. That time at high speed towards the open glass doors of one of the treatment bays. Sharron was confused but since Erin had pointed in the same direction she travelled she saw Kelly at the same time his wife did.

"Erin?" Kelly questioned immediately, even though he could only see through one eye he instantly recognised her.

"What the hell happened?!" She demanded of him as she entered the room, manoeuvring around the doctor as she tried to assess her husband's injuries. She vaguely heard Sharron instructing her to call later but otherwise remained fixated on the bruise blossoming around his eye.

"Nothing, I'm fine. Doc tell–" Kelly tried desperately to reassure her.

"Nothing?!" Erin interjected, voice rising as her eyes shone with frustration. It was too much. He was too much.

"Tell her I'm fine" Kelly pleaded with Will.

"He'll be fine as long as you don't hurt him… Which I can't allow" The young doctor informed quite seriously after his joking offhanded remark. Erin didn't know what to say to that, simply shaking her head and biting her lip.

"Babe, I'm okay" Kelly assured softly, grabbing the arm that wasn't supporting Shay and pulling her into a hug.

"I'll give you a minute but you're free to go" Doctor Halstead explained before leaving the room. Will knew Erin's frustration stemmed from concern and love, he also knew that they would work it out. He'd seen and heard that they'd been through much worse.


	225. Chapter 225

"You gonna help me with the dishes?" Erin questioned playfully, running her hand along the black cat's back when she'd finished sliding the plate into place. Sooty chirruped in response, strutting away then turning back to rub her face against Erin's leg while she continued stacking the dishwasher. The feline was being far more affectionate than usual but Erin was quite enjoying the company.

"Nah you just want me to feed ya" She acknowledged, crouching to scratch under the cat's chin. Sooty purred at that and tipped her head up to give Erin greater access. "Well just let me get this on" Erin explained a moment later, stroking the length of the animal's back as she straightened. She scanned the sink and benches before closing the dishwasher, pressing the well-worn wash cycle button before hitting start.

"Come on" Erin told the animal as she moved across the room, flicking the light as she left. She'd wiped down the table already but took a moment to push the chairs in and neaten the placemats. Dinner had been nice, having their whole little family at the table for the first time in a while. Ember occupied her mother's lap and even had a few mouthfuls of the chicken soup Erin had made at Shay's request. The toddler must have gotten the idea from a cartoon but she was convinced soup would make her Daddy all better again.

Erin had avoided thinking about her husband's newly acquired black eye and so turned her attention back to the cat twisting around and rubbing against her legs. "C'mon Soot" She urged when the cat didn't follow her straight away, probably put off by the risk of being kicked by the larger creature if she continued

. Erin could hear the television from the hallway, turning away from the noise she made her way into the laundry.

"What flavour? Tuna or salmon?" She asked the cat, holding up two sachets of cat food. Sooty yowled and stood up against Erin's left leg so she took that to mean the one in her left hand. "Salmon, good choice Ma'am" Erin played along, dispensing the slimy and strong smelling cat food into Sooty's bowl before presenting it to the animal. Sooty purred loudly as she ate, putting a smile on Erin's face as she washed her hands and refilled the cat's water bowl in the laundry tub.

The smile faded quickly when she took in the mountain of washing that had accumulated in only a few days. Most of the clothing belonged to the girls, both regularly going through several outfits a day, but on top were navy blue uniform shirts and pants. Sighing Erin opened the washing machine and began stuffing clothes in, checking pockets as she went. As she worked her mind drifted back to that afternoon, surrounded by people wearing those uniforms.

Erin had almost lost it completely when her husband had asked to be driven back to the firehouse the moment he was discharged. Only moments before Will had returned with the paperwork Shay had woken, struggling to recognise her father for the bruising the two year old had been terribly upset. Shay's cries hurt more to hear than it did to see Kelly that way, especially when he then insisted on going back to work.

Remaining calm had been Erin's only option though, for Shay but also because they were in public. She'd let him know she wasn't happy about it in once they got in the car and his response had triggered a car seat tantrum. Their two year old daughter just didn't understand why her Daddy would go back to work if he kept getting hurt there. Shay's screams had set off Ember as soon as she was put in the car, Erin had given her husband time to change his mind and call Boden while she went in to pick the baby up. But he hadn't.

Chief Boden had called Kelly into his office the moment they'd stepped into the firehouse though, leaving Erin to receive sympathetic looks alone. Thankfully Boden was able to talk some sense into Kelly, or order him to take the rest of the shift off, Erin wasn't sure which but she was pleased to be able to take him home. They had had a quiet afternoon in, not achieving anything but spending time together as a family.

Kelly knew that getting hurt had upset Shay and really wanted to make it up to her so after dinner Erin had left him responsible for getting the girls into bed while she cleaned up the kitchen. Once the washing machine was on Erin shut Sooty away for the night, intending to head upstairs to help her husband. It had been an emotional twenty-four hours for all of them and she couldn't wait to crawl into bed and put it all behind them.

Erin looked into the lounge room on her way past, expecting to find Chase watching television she planned to say goodnight in case she didn't come back down again. Chase was curled on the chair in the corner though, engrossed in his laptop he wasn't paying any attention to the television. Nobody was.

They had fallen asleep on the couch. Kelly had a bag of frozen corn obscuring half his face because he'd had to swap out the peas after they'd defrosted. Shay lay squashed between her father and the cushioned back of the couch, her head resting on his chest while one hand lay flat on her little sister's back. Ember was curled on the left side of Kelly's broad chest, cradled in his arm and face to face with Shay, thumb tucked into her mouth.

"Cute huh?" Chase said when he looked up to see Erin standing over the trio of sleeping Severides.

"Mhm" Erin agreed softly, keeping her head down, not sure why seeing them like that made her want to cry. They were all safe and sound.

"I'm sorry" He added. After typing another few words he closed his laptop and straightened, eyes apologetic as they analysed what could be seen of her face carefully.

"Hm? Why?" She questioned, blinking away the tears that had welled in her eyes before directing her gaze at him.

"I should have looked out for him" Chase answered, tipping his head to gesture to the sleeping man.

"Chase" Erin said, instantly denying any responsibility he took for Kelly's injury. "It's just a black eye" She told him, and herself at the same time. It wasn't anywhere near life threatening and perhaps by trying not to react she was overreacting.

"Yeah but that's not the point" The young man dismissed. "If we'd both gone after the guy–"

"What guy?" She cut him off to ask, not sure what he was referring to.

"The guy… Didn't he tell you how it happened?" Chase questioned in reply, confused but also concerned because he really didn't want to be the one to tell her the truth if Kelly had already lied.

"No" She shook her head, she'd asked but not at times where he was actually able to answer. "He. He tried but I… I didn't want to hear it" Erin elaborated quietly, embarrassed to admit that hours later she still had no idea how her husband had sustained the injury she was so frustrated by.

"There was a fire at a rehab center, that big one on West Clarkson. We think it was probably started by a cigarette…" Chase began, pausing for a moment when he realised he was getting off topic. "Anyway a patient made a run for it. He was dangerous, court ordered to participate in the program, you know the type. Kelly went after him" He described, pointing his thumb at his eye to indicate that that was when Kelly had been hurt.

"They fought?" She enquired, trying to get a better idea of what had happened when Kelly caught up with the escapee.

"A little, he took an elbow to the eye before he could get a grip on the guy" Chase explained, glancing across at Kelly and the girls to check that they were sleeping through the conversation.

"Oh…" Erin managed with a little nod.

"He wasn't being reckless Erin. He was just trying to do the right thing" He defended though he could tell by the change in posture that she'd already come to that conclusion. "It's not the type of injury that's preventable…" Chase muttered to himself, frowning before looking back down at his laptop.

"What'cha workin' on?" Erin enquired, taking one last look at her content family before moving away from them, perching on the end of the coffee table in front of Chase.

"I'm trying to make the job safer" He shared with a half amused laugh. Registering her intrigue he continued. "I've come up with this schedule for the maintenance and replacement of some of the gear we use" He waited until she nodded to show she was following then gave her more context. "We got hurt because the ropes gave way. Ropes that hadn't been replaced in three years when tensile strength studies have found that the fibres weaken after six months of use…" Chase shared seriously.

"Seriously?" Erin demanded, angered to discover that her husband had almost been killed because of substandard equipment.

"But it's more than just safety stuff" Chase clarified, tapping his laptop to make it clear he was still talking about what he was doing. "I've done some research and there's a local company making dog leashes from old rock climbing ropes, the same ones we use. The department could work with them, or do something similar, with profits going towards the new gear. Because that's the reason they aren't already doing this stuff, budget restrictions" He informed.

"Wow, you've clearly thought this through. What does the CFD say about all that?" She questioned, they'd talked about it for all of two minutes but she already couldn't wait for Chase's system to be put into place.

"I haven't asked" He answered quietly, fully expecting the alarmed expression that formed on her face. "I'm not finished yet" He reasoned, there was still a lot of work to be done before he even began to build up the confidence to approach the department about it.

"It's brilliant though" Erin assured, wanting him to know he had her full support.

"You really think so?"

"Absolutely" She insisted, "Chase this'll save lives."

"I hope so" He agreed, taking a deep breath as determination filled his eyes. What had started as a desire to purchase new ropes had become a complex system to improve safety standards for all firefighters.

"Nadia's been helping" Erin realised aloud, shaking her head at her own foolishness. "That's why you've been staying at her place so much."

"Yeah. What did you think? She's really good at finding safety manuals online" Chase explained, his girlfriend had been the driving factor behind expanding the scale of his thinking.

"I thought you didn't like my cooking" She answered barely audibly, adding a laugh as she reviewed what she had actually been thinking: that he had outgrown their family and was trying to live his own life. She didn't want to detract from his hard work though and so promptly redirected the conversation. "But this is awesome kid. I'm **really** proud of you" She told him, ensuring she put the emphasis in the right place to communicate how she felt.

"That means a lot Er" Chase allowed in a rare display of feeling, leaning forward enough to give her a quick hug. Erin was glad to be wrong, she loved having him around and knew their family would be incomplete without him. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, both thankful for having had the conversation.

"I should probably get them up to bed" Erin concluded at last, taking a deep breath as she turned to look at her husband and daughters, completely undisturbed.

"Probably. Want me to take one?" Chase offered, deciding he could continue compiling his schedule in his bedroom.

"No, you keep working. Let me know if you need any help" She urged, ruffling his hair in the way she always did to show affection as she stood.

"Thanks" Chase accepted with a smile.

"Night" She added, hesitating a moment longer before rousing her husband.

"Goodnight Mum" He replied, as if it were the most natural thing to say. Even after all the time he'd spent with them Erin always felt blessed when he called her that, knowing she had earned the title.

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**This chapter was about two things I miss, my black cat Misty and conversations between Erin and Chase. It's been way too long since I've written them together but I hope this explains why Chase has been missing over the last few chapters. **

**Oh and before anyone asks I have absolutely no authority when it comes to fire department administration/equipment maintenance/rope tensile strength etc. that's all dramatic licence for the purpose of the story! **


	226. Chapter 226

**This one is for Sandygirl – thank you.**

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Erin had woken him with a soft kiss, placed carefully on his cheek with just enough pressure to rouse him. It was a gentle way to be woken, loving. And as a result he concluded that she was at least beginning to forgive him for getting hurt, not that he really understood why he was being blamed in the first place. He certainly hadn't planned for it to happen.

There wasn't time to discuss it right then, there in the lounge room. Erin had wordlessly extracted Ember from his hold, leaving him to discard the dripping bag of corn and scoop up Shay. Chase glanced up from his laptop and volunteered to put the corn away, seemingly sensing the need for them to talk.

Kelly did his best to wake up fully as he carried Shay up the stairs, rubbing his eyes and flattening his hair so he at least appeared collected. He tucked the two year old into her bed, pulling the blankets up to her chin and making sure Roary was right next to her, kissing her goodnight and flicking on the nightlight before leaving the room.

He found Erin sitting on the edge of her side of their bed, Ember half-dressed but cradled in her arms nursing contentedly. Kelly changed for bed then sat beside her, hand finding its way to her thigh. She didn't acknowledge the contact but granted his request to burp the baby when she was finished. He liked it when they tucked Ember in together and that was what he expected.

Instead Erin left him alone, disappearing into the bathroom with pyjamas in hand. Kelly did up the press studs of Ember's pyjama suit before patting and rubbing her back until she'd expelled all the air in her stomach. Then he hummed softly while rocking her to sleep, laying her in the crib and arranging her blankets as the mobile twinkled a lullaby.

Somehow without drawing his attention Erin had come back into their room and was climbing into bed when he turned away from the sleeping baby. He went to do the same but she mumbled something about brushing his teeth and he took the hint.

Returning from the bathroom a few minutes later he found her laying on her back, her bedside light already off. It was a case of mixed signals, the light was off so she was ready to sleep but at the same time she never slept on her back. Maybe now she was ready to talk.

"Er" He called softly as he settled next to her, trying to get her to look at him because her eyes would hold the information he needed. Whether he should push it then or wait for morning. Her eyes remained fixed on the ceiling but she blinked and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry for overreacting" She said, not speaking directly to him, biting her lip before rolling to face him. "It's just exactly what I didn't want to happen – you getting hurt again. Even just a little" She explained tearfully, gripping the hand he extended towards her in her own.

"I know baby" Kelly agreed, hating the fact that she was hurting. He would happily have let the man run away, leaving him for someone else to catch, if he had known the consequences ahead of time. "And I'm sorry too. Really. I wasn't safe enough" He apologised sincerely. She always asked him to stay safe and he hadn't, he'd put himself in a dangerous situation and now he was paying the price. He crushed Shay's little heart and his wife's along with it, all for a selfish split second decision to play the hero.

"I understand that there are risks that come with the job" Erin rationalised, not that she was feeling particularly rational. "But it feels like everything that can go bad does… To you" She explained, frowning and biting her lip to keep control of her emotions.

He mightn't know it but she'd already forgiven him for the black eye. Chase had made it pretty clear there was no point in being annoyed at him. She was upset because she was already wondering what it would be the next time. What she would discover the next time he was rushed to hospital. It was inevitable.

"Sometimes" He agreed, as much as he hated to say it, as if it was some admission of vulnerability. Kelly knew plenty of other firefighters got hurt on the job, perhaps not with the same frequency he did. Maybe he wasn't as good at it as he thought, maybe having firefighting in his blood wasn't enough. He still had no idea what else he could do to support his family, firefighting was all he'd ever known. "Erin you know this isn't a forever job… You don't see old guys on squad very often" He offered, hoping that would comfort her somehow.

She nodded in acceptance of that fact. Erin had always known he wouldn't be on squad forever, she wasn't sure what he would do after that but she seemed to always picture him as a battalion chief like Boden. He wasn't the type who would easily transition to an office job like that, he'd want to lead from the front. "As long as it isn't the job you die doing" She stipulated, struggling to keep her voice even.

"Babe, don't think like that" Kelly almost scolded, frowning at her even though he had steered her thoughts in that direction. At least it made sense of her level of emotion.

"I feel like I have to" Erin defended quickly, "somebody has to." She looked away, sighed and then returned her gaze to his face. "I don't say it nearly often enough but you're it for me Kelly. Seriously. I love you so much and when you risk your life, our lives together. Every. Single. Day. It's hard" She justified, maintaining intense eye contact throughout. "I can't raise our girls without you…"

"Er…" He began weakly, squeezing her hand in an attempt to give her strength. Knowing deep down she felt that way was different to hearing her open up and say it. "I don't want you to feel like that" He stated simply, though it was anything but, he was feeling as guilty as he had when Shay had cried in the hospital.

"Mmm…" She allowed, taking a few steadying breaths as she tried to work out what came next. She felt responsible for making him feel bad again. "I'm sorry, I just… I got hit with the realisation that we're all gonna die someday…" She apologised, knowing it wasn't fair to project completely unrelated feelings onto him.

"Oh, what happened?" He questioned gently despite being incredibly confused.

"Gina has cancer" She explained flatly.

"Which one's Gina again?" Kelly asked, feeling bad for not knowing but thinking it better to be honest and ask straight up instead of pretending to know and trying to work it out.

"The yoga instructor."

"Oh, I'm sorry babe. That sucks" He replied, it was terrible news but Kelly couldn't help but feel relieved to know that Erin's upset wasn't entirely his fault.

"Yeah. And I think its terminal. From what she said. We… I haven't told you yet" She remembered, looking forward to her husband's reaction to the next thing she was going to say. "We…ah…we managed to get kicked out of yoga class" She informed, expression somewhere between shame and embarrassment and outright amusement.

"What?! How?" Kelly demanded, baffled but also a little angered.

"Apparently Shay's too old" Erin scoffed, it was completely ridiculous no matter how she looked at it.

"But…How does that work?" He asked, still confused.

"I don't know" Erin shrugged, she didn't really want to go into detail because it wasn't important to what she was saying, she'd just wanted to explain in chronological order. "The lady who's taken over from Gina is a bitch. But anyway we got kicked out so we went to visit Gina instead…" She trailed off, thinking back to the last few moments they'd spent in the tiny, dull hospital room.

"And the last thing Gina said to us was that she's lived a good life" Erin recalled, disbelief obvious in her eyes. "She might feel that way and that's probably the important thing… But I don't! How can she have lived a good life when cancer is killing her?! For no reason…" She stopped to sniff but then couldn't think of anything more to say. Frustrated in herself for getting emotional again she quickly wiped at her eyes before looking to her husband for some sort of response.

Kelly couldn't think of anything to say, he suspected there was something more Erin wasn't telling him, something that would explain why she was so very upset about Gina's diagnosis. The fact that he hadn't recognised the name Gina immediately was testament to the kind of relationship his wife had with the woman. "Hey, I'm here" He comforted when her green eyes filled with tears again.

"Yeah, thank you" She acknowledged reluctantly after taking a handful of his shirt and wiping her eyes, she could have used her own or the sheet but neither smelt as soothing as his did.

"I'm sorry about Gina" He repeated, not sure why he was apologising but again at a loss for words.

"Camille said the same thing" Erin blurted, pressing her face to his chest as she cried silently. "She said she lived a good life… That it was okay" She continued, choking back sobs as she remembered the way the only real mother she'd ever known had been taken. "It's not fucking okay!" She announced, hitting out to punctuate the declaration she unintentionally punched her husband in the ribs.

Kelly normally wouldn't have flinched but the area she'd hit was already purple with bruising, the black eye not the only damaging blow he'd received; he was hardly going to let on to her though. "You're right. It's not fair" He agreed, swiping away the tear that had escaped his damaged eye before smoothing her hair back from her face and kissing her forehead.

"Life isn't fair and that, that is what sucks" Erin concluded, still upset but no longer crying.

"Bad things happen to good people sometimes… the best people" He sympathized, it wasn't as if he hadn't known loss himself.

"A lot of the time!" She asserted angrily, Camille had been one of those people and she knew her husband was one as well. "If you weren't risking your life you wouldn't be saving other people's. It's just… dumb" She finished pathetically, unable to think of a single word that encompassed everything she was trying to express.

"Yeah it is… But we can't change it. We've just got to live each day we get. Together" He reassured, their conversation had taken another downward turn and it was time to start climbing back up. They were both tired, he knew she would see things differently in the morning and that she would be able to sleep if she just let herself relax.

"I gotta tell you I love you more" Erin remarked, the fragility and mortality of human life the focus of her day.

"Nah, I don't need to hear it" He argued softly, tipping her chin up so that she looked at him; he had to ignore the way her eyes lingered on his discoloured skin and slitted eye. "I can feel it… But I should tell you I love you more, and that you're beautiful, and that I'm the luckiest man on the planet to call you my wife" He turned around, not sure he could ever say any of those things enough.

"I'm gonna kiss you now, you have to tell me if I'm hurting you" She requested as she leaned in slowly, barely brushing her lips against his before pulling away to assess his reaction.

"Not hurting" Kelly assured, using the hand cradling her head to bring her mouth back to his, kissing her slowly and lovingly.

"I love you" She told him as he broke the kiss, even if he didn't need to hear it, it wasn't hard to say.

"You okay?" He asked, rubbing her back.

"Mhm" She answered with a nod. "Thanks for letting me get that out" She added a moment later, taking a deep breath that quickly turned into a yawn.

"That's what I'm here for Erin" He reminded gently, kissing her forehead as she yawned again. "I love you beautiful" He said instead of goodnight, not wanting there to be any doubt in her mind.

"Mm" She murmured softly as she nuzzled against his chest, getting comfortable as exhaustion finally overwhelmed her.

"Get some sleep," He instructed in a whisper, "tomorrow's gonna be a better day."

"Promise?" She requested sleepily.

"Life's too short for making promises… I just seem to break them anyway" He muttered, talking to himself since he knew she was going to fall asleep any second. His broken promises had betrayed Shay's trust, despite that being the last thing he would ever want to do.

"Don't promise then" She reasoned sensibly, eyes remaining firmly closed as she spoke.

"I'll hope instead. I hope tomorrow is a better day" He concluded, unable to stop himself from speaking even though he knew she'd sleep if he did.

"Me too" She agreed groggily.

"And I'm going to do everything I can to make it, alright?" He questioned seriously, tone alone demanding her consciousness for a little longer.

"Alright" She agreed, unfocused eyes drifting over his face before falling closed again. "Don't let me forget the washing" She mumbled, shifting slightly to get more comfortable.

"Just sleep" Kelly urged finally.

"Mm-kay" She accepted, reminding Kelly of the similarities she shared with their daughter and ensuring he fell asleep with a smile on his bruised and battered face.

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**I'm not sure why but I'm quite happy with this chapter, I guess it just feels fairly real… I hope you guys liked it to, feel free to leave your thoughts in a review :D**


	227. Chapter 227

"Ughhh" The toddler grumbled groggily, just barely awake enough to protest her father's movement. Kelly felt the pressure of small body beneath him as he tried to roll onto his stomach and immediately arrested the motion, startled, he woke with a shock. Fearing he had nearly crushed Ember his eyes flew open, taking what felt like an eternity to adjust to the level of light in the room.

Erin reached across and placed a hand on her husband's shoulder, stilling him as he fought to orient himself. The comforting contact drew his still bleary eyes up her arm, noticing the baby safe in her arms. Kelly breathed a sigh of relief and tried to calm his racing heart before rolling onto his back.

"Daaah" Shay vocalised as she was jostled again, ending up on her father's chest. It was then that Kelly realised something seriously adorable, he didn't know how it had happened but Shay was in his shirt. The grey fabric stretched tight over her little body as she snuggled to his chest, the top of her head peeking out of the V-neck.

"Aw, sorry bub" Kelly mumbled hoarsely, bringing his hands up and rubbing them over the bump. Shay squirmed a little, trying to get back to sleep, and Kelly wondered if that was what it was like to be pregnant; another being warm and cosy, tucked away safely, that only he could feel putting unfamiliar pressure on his organs and nudging at him with pointy bones.

"She's taken snugglin' to a whole new level huh?" Erin questioned softly, letting her hand drift down to his stomach and Shay's back.

"Definitely" He agreed, shifting a little further up onto his pillow to get a better look at himself. "Sleepy snuggle-bug" He cooed as he pulled at the neck hole of his shirt, trying to get a look at his daughter's face.

"I don't know how she got in there" Erin said, allowing a small laugh because it was such a Shay thing to do. Kelly chuckled too, releasing the fabric when Shay shied away from the light, allowing her to continue dozing as he looked to his wife. Erin had clearly been awake for a while, sitting up against the headboard with a book he didn't recognise propped open against her bent knees and Ember suckling at her breast.

"Neither" He sighed, one hand leaving Shay's back he took Ember's foot between his forefinger and thumb. If he woke up like that every day for the rest of his life he would die a very happy man.

"How could you not notice?" She demanded, quite sure that if the two year old had tried to get into her shirt it would have woken her.

"I was asleep" He defended, and he had slept well, soundly unlike the night before in the narrow wife-less bed in his quarters at the firehouse.

"Snoring too" She informed accusingly, her eyes remaining soft so he knew she wasn't really complaining.

"Sorry" He offered, genuinely apologetic to have disrupted her sleep.

"Feel any better?" She questioned sympathetically as he ran a hand over his face. The flesh tinted purple by bruising along his cheekbone and around his eye was so tender that he winced as soon as his fingertips made contact.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that" He returned, remembering how upset she'd been before going to sleep. She looked tired but not in a way that required more sleep, emotionally unsettled perhaps. In an attempt to comfort her he shifted again, ignoring Shay's protests as he straightened, kissing his wife's shoulder before leaning his head against it, cradling the toddler in his arm. "What this? Your diary?" He enquired as his eyes locked on the book she was reading, a lined notebook filled with neat cursive that he should have known wasn't anything like her scrawl.

"No… Camille's" She answered softly, running a few fingers over the page before closing the book.

"Oh" He acknowledged uncertainly.

"She wrote it for me" Erin began to explain. "A kinda how to guide, while she was in hospital. Recipes and advice…just stuff she thought I'd need to know."

"That's really sweet" He allowed sensitively, a little surprised to only be seeing it for the first time more than a year into their married life. "Why haven't I seen it before?"

"Because usually I can't get past the first page without crying" She justified with a tight-lipped half-smile and a shrug.

"Don't be sad Mama" Shay offered softly as she poked her face through the neck hole of her father's shirt.

"I'm not" Erin assured, shaking her head to deny the suggestion before smiling at her daughter and her location. "Good morning snuggle-monster Shay, you cosy in there?" She asked playfully, stroking the toddler's cheek with the back of a finger.

"Daddy" Shay answered simply, extending her arms to hug his chest as she nuzzled her face against him.

"Yeah, you're having a snuggle with Daddy" Erin elaborated, encouraging the toddler to communicate further.

"I sleeps-ed" Shay added politely, unsure what her mother wanted her to say.

"Mhm, you awake now? Ready for the day?" Erin questioned, adjusting Ember a little as she waited for an answer.

"Um… Nup. I sleeps more… If you read me" The toddler reasoned conditionally, eyes drawn to the colourful cover of the notebook propped against her mother's legs.

"It's not a storybook sorry Shay" She explained, rubbing her thumb over the glossy cover as she twisted to put the book back in the drawer of her bedside table.

"What den?" Shay questioned, stretching the fabric of her father's shirt tight as she peered around her mother, curious about the book.

"It's a book Mummy's Mummy wrote for her" Kelly provided as he pulled his daughter back in close to him.

"Oh" Shay complained softly, squirming she managed to crawl out from under the shirt, remaining seated on her father's lap but facing her mother, intrigued. Erin was glad for the time it gave her to think of a better answer to Shay's question.

"Yeah, my Mummy Camille wrote me a book of recipes, I found one we might try later. You want to do some cooking today?" Erin asked, that was the only time at which she would consider allowing Shay anywhere near the precious book.

"Cam-meel?" Shay repeated, the name apparently all she had absorbed from her mother's response.

"That was her name and it's your middle name too remember? Shay Camille" Erin reminded, she was as in love with the name as she had been when she'd first given it to her little girl.

"No… Papa saided her" Shay informed matter-of-factly.

"What do you mean?" Erin asked, eye narrowing as she looked at the toddler seriously.

"Papa Hanky saided Cam-meel in here" Shay said slowly, struggling with the new words, tapping at her chest.

"What?!" Erin demanded, barely managing to keep her tone even for the alarm that struck her at the toddler's beautifully innocent explanation.

"Goed way but in here Nana love me" The toddler garbled, clearly repeating fragments of a conversation she'd had with her grandpa.

"Yeah" Erin confirmed softly, nodding as her eyes filled with tears. "That's right. She's in your heart loving you" She assured, looking to her husband for confirmation that he was alright with what she was saying.

"Don't be sad Mama" Shay urged, concern filling her little voice. "Meel in you har-t too" She assured seriously, rising onto her knees to prod her mother's chest.

"I know" Erin accepted, cupping the toddler's cheek. "Thank you Shay" She added, feeling grateful for the toddler's ability to say exactly what she needed to hear. Shay responded by wrapping her arms around her mother and baby sister, hugging them for as long as Erin rubbed at her back.

"Is Emmy finished her breakfast already?" Kelly asked cautiously, having watched the interaction closely he didn't want to speak too soon and ruin the moment. Ember had finished nursing though and his stomach was beginning to inform him that he was in need of sustenance.

"I think she has" Erin replied, waiting until Shay sat back to sit the baby up.

"Mornin' Emmy!" Shay exclaimed loudly, grabbing at her little sister's head with a hand either side as she pressed a kiss to Ember's forehead.

"Oh watch out, gentle" Erin reminded quickly, pushing Shay's hands away before the baby managed to coordinate a similar movement.

"Love you Em-guts" Shay continued regardless, poking at her sister's plump stomach instead.

"Hey, shh. She's trying to sleep" Erin warned the energetic toddler, patting Ember's back to burp her as she drifted off.

"No" Shay protested, at least keeping her hands to herself as she crossed them angrily.

"Yeah" She insisted, immediately regretting entering a petty argument with the toddler.

"It 'wake time but" Shay whined, eager to play with her little sister.

"For big girls, not for babies" Erin explained, something she said regularly that the two year old still didn't seem to understand. If Shay was awake the rest of the world was supposed to be too.

"I hungry" Shay announced, changing tactic because Ember was well and truly asleep.

"Come here" Kelly requested, pulling Shay back into his lap before whispering something in her ear.

"Yeah" The toddler agreed excitedly, leaving her mother and sister behind as she launched off the bed. "Come on Daddy!" She enthused as she reached the doorway using her confident but poorly coordinated little girl strut.

"I'm coming" Kelly assured, gesturing for her to go on without him. Before he got up to follow though he answered his wife's questioning look. "Pancakes."

"Oooh, I'll be down in a sec" Erin agreed, throwing back the covers at the same time her husband did. As soon as she put Ember down she could use the bathroom and once she'd relieved herself she could check on Chase and invite him down to breakfast with the rest of the family. Already she had a feeling it was going to be a good day.


	228. Chapter 228

**Okay so there are two reasons it's taken me forever to update. Confession time: I've been trying to keep it a secret because I said I wanted Erin back at work by the time uni started for the year but I'm now eight weeks into first semester and I'm totally bogged down in assignments… It should ease up soon but you're all so lovely and often remind me to put uni first so I have.**

**Second reason is that I really liked the last few chapters and felt like I was writing absolute rubbish in comparison… I'm not nearly as happy with this chapter as I was with the last three but I feel terrible for taking so long to update. It's a bit shorter too :/ Sorry guys.**

**And lastly it's been a while since I've done this so I would just like to thank: sandygirl, biihzane, Michnkicks, siriusblack1990, UKgirl71, angelsmum, Daisyangel, Grahamgirl93 and Chicago Firestarter for your reviews! I really appreciate you taking the time to leave me your thoughts and making me smile. **

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**Without any further ado, Chapter 228:**

"Shay" Erin warned, raising a questioning eyebrow at the toddler who had just scooped up a handful of sand and was poised to throw it. The smile fell from the two year old's face, Shay scowling as she opened her hand and let the sand run through her fingers. The toddler waited until her mother gave a nod of approval and continued constructing her own sandcastle before turning to check the progress her brother was making. Chase had finally managed to construct a sand tunnel, having dug down to the slightly damp packed sand before digging across and up again. Shay was only trying to start a game when she drove her little yellow dump truck across the fragile sand bridge over his tunnel.

"Shay!" Chase complained immediately, he'd been smoothing out the sides of the tunnel when the sand collapsed around his hand. He spotted the truck and knew instantly what she had done, he wasn't angry as much as frustrated given the time and effort he'd put in.

Shay had recoiled rapidly but couldn't understand why she was being blamed. It was his fault for not making a strong enough bridge that the truck could go over it. So when Chase looked to her expectantly she kinked an eyebrow and turned her gaze to her mother.

"Say sorry" Erin prompted impatiently, not sure the toddler realised that they were all making an effort to spend time playing with her.

"I hungry!" Shay announced in her defence. She momentarily thought it had worked in deflecting the impending scolding but then the confusion on her mother's face faded.

"You can still apologise, that wasn't very nice" Erin insisted. The toddler had already decided she shouldn't have to apologise though, frowning at the perceived injustice. "Shay" She warned for the second time in as many minutes, if the toddler wasn't careful she'd find herself taking a time out on the back stairs.

"Sorry Chasey" Shay muttered, suddenly very interested in the sand under her knees.

"That's okay" Chase accepted, though Erin could hear in his voice that the apology didn't mean very much. It wasn't very sincere and it definitely didn't resurrect his crumbled tunnel.

"I am hungry but Mama" Shay persisted when Chase set the dump truck down in front of her a little more forcefully than was necessary.

"Well yeah, it's lunchtime" Erin concluded, having looked to her watch and realised that in fact it was well past their usual lunch time. The pancake feast they'd had for breakfast likely responsible for nobody being hungry before one thirty.

"What's for lunch?" Kelly questioned from a little way away. Lying on a blanket on the grass in the shade he held Ember's head and neck in one hand and her bottom in the other, raising and lowering her above himself as she giggled.

"Dunno. If you're finished bench pressing our daughter you can make us something" Erin suggested hopefully.

"I made breakfast" He countered quickly, though he did listen to what she had said and set the heavy baby down before his arms started to ache more than they already were. He raised his knees and propped Ember up against them, pulling her shirt back down over her chubby tummy.

"No I make-d it Daddy!" Shay argued, feeling her duties mixing the ingredients into batter counted for more than pouring, cooking and flipping.

"**We** made breakfast, your turn" Kelly corrected, giving his wife a playful smile as she dusted the sand off her hands.

"My turn? If we're taking turns now you…" Erin began, not that she really had a problem preparing the majority of their meals. It seemed only fair when he was working all day, though it did push her further towards the housewife stereotype she was fundamentally opposed to.

"You know what I mean babe" Kelly cut her off before he ended up responsible for dinner every other night. He gave her a moment to calm down, watching as she flattened the sandcastle she'd spent the last half hour building, before returning to the all-important question. "What's for lunch?"

Erin thought on it for a moment, mentally running through the contents of their fridge and pantry. Nothing particularly appetising came to mind but perhaps that was because she wasn't feeling hungry. Once again she was feeling just nauseous enough that she didn't want to move too fast or eat, she didn't have a stomach bug or the smell of the hospital gift shop to blame either. Not that she had given much thought to it.

"Shay do you want to come to the bakery with me?" She enquired, if she wasn't hungry she definitely wasn't motivated enough to go to the effort of making something.

"Oh! Cakes?!" The toddler asked excitedly, folding her hands in her lap and giving her sweetest smile.

"No, lunch" Erin clarified flatly, wondering if it was bad that her two year old already associated the bakery with cakes.

"Cakes arf-ta lunches" Shay agreed seriously, thinking she was exercising great restraint and being very sensible.

"Do you want to come or not? I'm not sure I can trust you to play nicely with your brother" Erin reasoned, though Chase's eyes widened rapidly, confident he could handle the two year old if he needed to.

"I come, but only 'cause I chooses cakes. I not naughty, I sorried" The toddler negotiated matter-of-factly as she stood, a rush of sand emptying from her lap.

"Okay, go put some shoes on" Erin encouraged, dusting herself off as she got up. She gave Chase's hair a ruffle as she passed him, following in her daughter's footsteps briefly before veering towards her husband. "Are you alright with her?" She checked, unable to stop herself from wiping the drool from Ember's chin.

"Yeah, we're cool aren't we Em?" Kelly questioned playfully, tickling the baby until she squealed and squirmed. Erin nodded in acceptance and gave her husband a quick smile as well, the bruising to his face made it hard not to cringe in sympathy. She hesitated a moment longer, uncertain, and didn't mind when Chase then interrupted her thoughts.

"I'll cook dinner" The younger man volunteered unexpectedly.

"You don't have to." Was Erin's immediate response, wondering if Chase had got the wrong idea when they'd discussed taking turns.

"I'm cooking dinner" Chase repeated with a look that dared her to say otherwise, despite the fact he didn't often prioritise it he always felt good when he contributed to cooking or cleaning.

"Thank you Chase" Erin accepted gratefully. "Do you need anything while we're out?"

"Nah, I'm pretty sure we already have everything I need" Chase answered simply, though he hadn't actually decided what he was going to make. Whatever it ended up being it would be something they already had the ingredients for.

"Okay then, bye. We'll be back soon." She farewelled as she moved to the stairs, looking forward to seeing which shoes the toddler had chosen to wear. Shay hadn't been able to decide on just one pair, a studded black leather boot on one foot and a glittery silver ballet flat on the other.

"Mama, I shoed" Shay exclaimed as her mother approached, wriggling her feet as she sat with her legs out straight in front of her.

"Good job, let's go" Erin encouraged, slipping her own feet into ballet flats before hooking her hands in under the toddlers arms and lifting her to her feet. Erin grabbed the car keys and opened the door, gesturing for the toddler to lead the way.

"Ent you gon'ta…" Shay began uncertainly, pointing to her mismatched shoes in case her mother hadn't seen them already. Erin had known exactly what the two year old was doing, yet again testing what she could and couldn't get away with, almost asking to get in trouble. Except Erin could see that it wouldn't be comfortable to walk in the odd shoes and knew the toddler would learn more from experience than she would from being told.

"Nope, you chose 'em. Come on" She urged, ushering the toddler out the door. She followed but not before she had stuffed the second sparkly ballet flat into the back pocket of her jeans.

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**Thank you for reading :D**


	229. Chapter 229

**You seemed to like the last chapter so I decided to continue it... **

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"Shay wait up" Erin called, noticing that while she had stopped to look in a shop window the toddler had continued along the footpath. Shay was doing the right thing, heading straight for the bakery, but Erin had made the split second decision that she was going to reward her daughter's good behaviour. Sure they'd had a few moments where the toddler had tested boundaries and been infuriatingly obtuse but that was only to be expected from a two year old.

Shay had thanked her mother gratefully for bringing her other ballet flat when she decided wearing different shoes wasn't actually a lot of fun. And at the back of Erin's mind the toddler's look of disappointment in the hospital gift shop remained. That along with the immense dread she was already feeling about telling the toddler her father was going back to work that night; a black eye no reason to miss a shift. She wasn't thinking only of the toddler though, the whole family would likely enjoy what she had in mind. And they deserved a carefree afternoon.

"Brake-ery Mama" Shay reasoned as she stopped and turned back towards her mother, pointing towards the origin of the glorious warm fresh bread smell.

"In a minute, we're going to go in here first" Erin explained, extending her hand for the toddler to take.

"Why?" Shay questioned as she took reluctant half steps towards her mother. She was only getting hungrier and she never enjoyed being on her best behaviour and not touching anything while her mother looked around in little shops like that one.

"I thought you might like a balloon" Erin explained with an unfazed shrug, enjoying watching her daughter's face light up at the suggestion.

"Oh!" Shay shrieked in pure excitement. "Pleeeease Mama! I bah-loon please" She added, remembering her manners without having to be told.

"I thought you'd say that" Erin chuckled as she closed her hand around Shay's leading the toddler into the small party supplies store.

"Bah-loon!" Shay squeaked, pointing to the display in the corner while jumping up and down in her enthusiasm. As excited as she was Shay was sure to keep hold of her mother's hand, not wanting to give her any reason to change her mind.

"Mhm" Erin agreed as they proceeded to the counter. "Good morning, could I please get half a dozen helium balloons?" She enquired politely, there were only five of them but when it came to balloons she figured it wouldn't hurt to buy an extra one.

"Of course Ma'am what type" The young woman asked, her name badge suggested she was the owner of 'Polly's Party Palace'.

"Just normal ones?" Erin answered uncertainly, she'd organised balloons for parties a few times but couldn't remember ever being asked that question before. Surely there weren't that many types of balloons to choose from.

"Sure, and what colour?" Polly replied, setting a container of balloons sorted by colour on the counter for Erin to choose from.

"Shay? What colour do you want?" Erin asked, lifting the toddler to her hip so that she could see the choices.

"I dat one please Mama" Shay answered, pointing back to the display and in particular to a balloon with jungle animals on it. A lion that looked a lot like Roary took up the most space and the words 'It's a Boy!' were written above in zebra print. Erin understood why it would appeal to the toddler and considered it for a moment before persisting.

"What colour balloons do you want Shay?" Erin repeated, tapping the counter to direct the toddler's gaze to the options. Shay thought on it for a long moment, only looking back to the lion balloon twice as she decided that it was better to get any balloon then fuss for a specific one.

"Um bl-rrr-orange" The toddler mumbled, wanting blue, red and orange.

"What colour is that?" She questioned with a laugh. "Choose **one** of these" She requested, pointing specifically to the container that time.

"Oh, you can have one of each if you'd like" Polly suggested in what she hoped was a helpful manner.

"Yeah, that's a good idea" Erin agreed when Shay still wasn't able to make a decision. As Polly set about inflating six balloons, red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple, Erin set the increasingly heavy toddler down.

"Bah-loons for Dada" Shay sang as she moved to the end of the counter to watch Polly tie matching coloured ribbon to the red balloon.

"For your Daddy?" Polly asked, trying to interact with her little customer and let her know that it was okay to watch.

"Yep" Shay confirmed with a nod.

"Is it his birthday?" Polly questioned as she finished tying the orange balloon and tucked the string under what looked a lot like a brick covered with wrapping paper.

"Nope. Him gotted hurted" Shay explained with a half sad face, it was impossible to be completely sad while intently watching a balloon inflate.

"Oh?" Polly responded quickly, clearly surprised by the answer she looked to Erin to make sure the toddler was telling the truth. She too looked a little sad before giving a nod and smiling at the little girl.

"Yeah, him gotted hurted at work. Daddy a biggly strongly fireman you know" Shay continued, enjoying the opportunity to talk with someone new.

"Really?" Polly posed, adding that piece of information to the last resulted in a sense of sympathy she wasn't familiar with considering she sold party supplies.

"Mhm" Shay said, nodding exaggeratedly.

"Shh Shay" Erin instructed softly when she caught the toddler's eye.

"But… Umkay" Shay agreed, thinking better of arguing when Polly brought the rainbow bunch of balloons to the counter. The toddler managed to stay silent as her mother paid for the balloons, finding herself wandering towards the display and the balloon she desperately wanted.

"Thank you" Erin finished as she took the balloons and turned to leave the shop, spotting Shay off in the corner, tugging on the string of the 'It's a Boy!' jungle themed balloon. "Come on Shay, let's go put these in the car" She beckoned, not sure why she hadn't just bought that balloon anyway.

"Mama, Roary" Shay made sure to point out as she got the balloon down to head height, releasing the string to point at the lion the balloon rose back up quickly.

"Yeah, that one has a lion, like Roary" Erin answered, her tone letting the toddler know she wasn't really interested.

"Please" Shay attempted optimistically.

"These ones are for us Shay. What do you think Daddy's going to say?" Erin redirected as she headed towards the toddler instead of the door.

"But please Mama" Shay whined, turning her big hope filled eyes at her mother.

"Shay" She repeated with a shake of her head, it was a warning and the toddler knew it, she could go quietly and have fun with the balloons they had or get upset. It was a difficult decision for the toddler to make and so she didn't immediately.

"But Mummy please" She pleaded, not sure why she had opted for the more grown up form of her mother's name.

"She can have it, if that's okay…" Polly interjected from behind the counter, gesturing to the balloon when Erin gave her a questioning look.

"Oh, no thank you. I just want these" Erin answered, wishing she had listened to the toddler in the first place. She really didn't want to go to the effort of conducting another transaction.

"No I mean she can have it, free. It's been on display a few days, so it's getting crinkly" Polly explained, moving towards the display to remove the balloon the toddler wanted as soon as she had the okay from Erin.

"Pleeease" Shay begged, not sure what was happening but excited by the prospect of getting what she wanted.

"Are you sure?" Erin checked, willing to accept the good deed even if she didn't feel she deserved it, Shay did.

"Of course" Polly answered with a laugh, not even wanting to think about the possibility of someone making such an offer and then reneging on it.

"Thank you" Erin accepted at last, making a mental promise to only ever buy party supplies from that store.

"I hope your Daddy feels better soon" Polly told Shay as she gave her the balloon. She'd tied a loop in the end and fed the string through to form a rudimentary slip knot around the toddler's wrist.

"Shay" Erin prompted when the toddler was too enamoured with her balloon to remember her manners.

"Fanks you heapsly" Shay beamed, watching the balloon bob in the air as she crossed to her mother.

"No problem sweetheart" Polly acknowledged, smiling as she watched the toddler go.

"Bye-bye" Shay called over her shoulder a moment later, giggling when the balloon bounced as she waved goodbye.

"Bye" Polly called after them.

"That was lucky" Erin commented as she led the toddler back the way they had come, still trying to work out how she was going to secure the balloons in the car.

"What is lucky?" The toddler questioned, she'd heard it the phrase before but had never bothered to find out what it really meant.

"Um...Being lucky is having good things happen to you, like getting extra balloons from nice shopkeepers" Erin explained uncertainly, at least managing to relate it back to a specific situation the two year old would understand.

"I am lucky?" Shay asked, double checking even though she knew she met the criteria her mother had put forward.

"Yes you are" Erin confirmed, coming to a halt as she waited for a reversing car to pass so she could get to their car.

"Lucky for cakes?" Shay enquired cheekily, knowing she didn't need cake to be happy when she had a brightly coloured balloon at her side.

"Nice try, let's put these in the car" Erin prioritised, making sure not to let go of the bunch of strings as she dug the keys out of her pocket and opened the trunk. She managed to stuff the six brightly coloured helium balloons in before turning to the toddler. Unsurprisingly Shay didn't want to leave her balloon in the car while they went to the bakery, she asked nicely and after explaining that she would have to be careful not to let it touch other people Erin allowed her to bring it along.

Once in the bakery Erin placed their order, four pizza rolls and a vegetarian sausage roll, and stepped back to wait with her daughter. Shay was being particularly careful with the balloon baring a lion and so Erin didn't think anything of it until after she'd paid for and collected their lunch. It was only after one elderly woman smiled at her broadly and another middle aged woman approached that she remembered the message.

"Congratulations" The stranger offered kindly, smiling at Erin. "Are you going to be a big sister?" She asked Shay. Erin's immediate reaction was to frown but she quickly schooled her expression into a semi-pained smile. They thought she was pregnant. She used her reflection in the glass to double check, she looked exactly how she normally did and they thought she was pregnant.

"Yes" Shay answered softly, she already was a big sister and so she agreed, not really understanding the question.

"Thanks" Erin muttered before taking Shay's hand and exiting the bakery promptly, glaring at anyone who chose to look in their direction as they made their way back to the car. The balloon dancing in the rear view mirror was distracting as she drove, both the movement and the message. She tried to understand how people could get the wrong impression but kept coming back to the notion that she apparently looked pregnant. The woman wouldn't have said anything if it looked like they were simply buying the balloon for somebody else. Maybe Shay's possessiveness over the balloon had contributed a little but Erin was still disheartened.

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Thanks for reading :D


	230. Chapter 230

**Continues from the last chapter so you might want to reread that since it's been a while.  
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**230!**

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"Is there something you've been meaning to tell me?" Kelly questioned, sidling up to his wife the moment the kids were all entertained. Ember had a balloon looped around each ankle and was kicking and squirming to make them move. Shay's prized multi-coloured balloon had floated up to the ceiling the moment she let it go, the toddler throwing Roary about in an attempt to get it back. And Chase was using the red balloon he'd claimed as a punching bag, pulling it down and then punching it away on about a foot of plastic ribbon.

Kelly was glad they'd moved the coffee table but couldn't help but think about the contents of the paper bags atop it. Everyone else had apparently forgotten their appetite at the sight of the balloons. He had to give it to his wife, balloons were a great idea. It wasn't often they found something everyone wanted to play with but she definitely had.

"Hm?" Erin questioned, glancing at him with confusion written across her already troubled features.

"It's a boy?" He clarified, pointing to the balloon.

"It has a lion on it. She likes lions" Erin explained brusquely, teeth clenched in frustration. Why did everyone on the planet suddenly think she was pregnant? At a late enough stage that she would know the gender?

"Babe" Kelly offered apologetically, reaching for her shoulder. He had meant it jokingly but the instantaneous look of hurt in her eyes made him regret opening his mouth. It was far too soon. Erin pulled away though and frowned at him before walking off, reaching the balloon she regretted agreeing to down from the ceiling and handing it to their eldest daughter. Polly's good deed had been a curse so far. She sat down next to Ember and was determined to allow the baby's gleeful cackling to improve her mood.

"You know that game with balloons, where you had to hit it up? I used to play that all the time as a kid" Chase shared as Kelly moved closer to him and fished a balloon down.

"Yeah me too" He agreed, alternating grabbing and releasing the ribbon in a game that tested his reflexes as the helium balloon tried to get away.

"How did that work?" Chase pondered aloud, letting his balloon have a little more of the ribbon as he imitated the older man. He remembered spending hours as a little kid bashing balloons about with his cousins at various family gatherings, keeping balloons from touching the floor.

"It doesn't with helium balloons, they float. Genius" Kelly scoffed in reply, shaking his head at the younger man's foolishness.

"Captain obvious" Chase returned in a playful defence of his silliness, unfortunately he hadn't remembered that all-important detail. "But that does make sense…" He added with a laugh when Kelly pulled a face at him.

"Mhm" The older man agreed, wondering how he trusted Chase with his life every shift when the kid couldn't even seem to grasp the concept of helium balloons levitating all by themselves. He didn't have long to think on it though, a little hand tugging on his cargo shorts a moment later.

"Daddy" Shay requested, a slight sense of urgency to her tone.

"Yes Shay?" He returned, the distraction meant that he had just barely caught the end of the ribbon before it went out of his reach. It was strangely exhilarating and his enjoyment for the game of cat and mouse showed in his lack of attention towards his daughter.

"Me bah-loon please?" Shay asked, reaching her hand out for his balloon, hers was once again brushing the ceiling.

"You want this one?" Kelly questioned, raising his hand a little to make sure the tail of the balloon string was out of the two year olds reach. It wasn't the most fatherly reaction, not wanting her to take away his toy, but he was trying. "I can get yours if you want" He offered as an even better alternative. "Rawr. Lion" He enthused when even without an answer he could see in her eyes that that wasn't what she wanted.

"Please" Shay added, stretching her hand up for his yellow balloon.

"Okay" He agreed, knowing he could reach down the orange one and continue his game in a matter of seconds, that way they'd both be happy. Shay accepted the balloon gratefully and took it back over to where Roary sat, crouching over the stuffed toy she chattered away as she played with the balloon. Kelly had only just looked away in search of the orange balloon when he heard the toddler speak again.

"Oops" Shay exclaimed as the yellow ribbon slipped through her fingers, her uncoordinated swats at the balloon string came up empty handed and she was forced to accept the loss. She didn't get upset though, crouching back down and dancing Roary about instead.

Kelly contentedly got back to the task of retrieving a balloon, having just caught the orange ribbon when the tug at his shorts and little voice at his side signalled Shay's return. "Daddy."

"Balloon?" He questioned pre-emptively, holding the orange balloon he'd just retrieved out for his daughter to take.

"Please, thank you" Shay answered with a smile as she accepted the offering. Kelly watched again as Shay went back to crouching over Roary, that time catching the ribbon when the balloon tried to escape.

"What are you trying to do?" Kelly enquired, moving over to where the toddler was to get a better look at her hands, working on wrapping the string around the stuffed lion's arm.

"I uses bah-loon and Roary flies" Shay explained, it was a highly sophisticated concept for a two year old and so he assumed she must have seen something similar on a cartoon. It was harder in practice than in theory though since Shay wasn't able to tie the ribbon, no matter how many times she wrapped it around and around it just kept coming undone.

"Oh, you want to tie the balloons to him to make him fly?" He clarified, impressed by her desire to do something so challenging.

"Yeah" The toddler agreed, not looking up from what she was doing. That time she had wrapped the ribbon around enough that it didn't immediately come loose, only when she poked at the lion to see why it wasn't floating did it come free, caught with ease by her father.

"Would you like some help?" He asked enthusiastically, as fun as his game had been he was quite sure his wife's motive in buying the balloons was for them to spend time together.

"Yep" Shay agreed simply, giving a single nod as she looked to the balloon.

"Okay, we'll start with this one. You hold Roary's arm for me" He requested as he dropped to his knees beside her. They worked well together, wordlessly for the most part, Kelly hoisting Shay up into the air so that she could capture the next balloon. Shay's giggles filled the room momentarily before the pair got back to work, determined at the very least to make the lion levitate, both completely oblivious to the pair of green eyes that lingered on them.

"Da" Shay urged, pointing at the next balloon she wanted before giving him a serious look, a look that communicated exactly what she was asking him to do.

"Chase can we borrow your balloon for a sec?" Kelly enquired optimistically, shifting slightly so that the younger man could see Roary and hopefully understand what they were trying to achieve.

"Oh, sure. Are we trying to get Roary to fly?" Chase questioned as he surrendered the balloon to Shay's waiting hand, tugging the toddler's hair affectionately as she smiled at him.

"Yeah" Shay acknowledged before turning and rushing back to the toy, holding the balloon out proudly for her father to take. He quickly fastened the balloon around the toy's neck, hoping it would give enough lift to make the reasonably light toy rise. "Roary fly up up 'way" Shay encouraged as her father withdrew his hands. The lion didn't float up to the ceiling, or leave the carpet at all for that matter. Precisely nothing happened.

"Hm" Chase replied disappointedly, not entirely sure why he had thought it would work.

"I think we'd need more balloons sorry princess" Kelly summarised for the two year old who had lifted Roary a little, expecting him to remain in the air when she let him go.

"Oh" Shay sighed. "We don't gots no more" She informed sadly, though she did eye the lone balloon providing her baby sister such joy; Ember had already donated one of her balloons to their fun.

"No we don't have any more. Maybe you could go find a smaller toy, then it might work" Kelly suggested after a moments consideration. Shay thought on it then dashed off, they never heard her footsteps reach the stairs and mere seconds later she returned with Ember's elephant. The toy, slightly larger than Roary, had been tucked into the top of the diaper bag hanging in the entryway.

"That one isn't smaller, it's bigger" Chase tried to explain when she presented it to them. Holding his hands out he measured the height of the elephant before comparing the highly imprecise measurement to Roary.

"Big. Grande" Shay said automatically, mimicking Dora the Explorer's accent perfectly. The two year old was definitely smarter than she looked.

"Yeah!" Kelly practically shouted in his attempt to praise the two word statement. Of course his baby girl was going to be smart enough to be learning Spanish at the age of two. "Good girl. Grande means big!" He celebrated, pulling her into a hug and kissing the top of her head.

"Grande effalent" Shay shared proudly as she held the toy out for her father to take. She didn't fully understand why he was so excited all of a sudden but she didn't mind the extra attention.

"Why don't you give Grande Andé to Emmy" Chase encouraged when Kelly didn't take the toy, too busy looking to his wife to see if she'd heard. Erin had been watching them more than she had Ember, the baby perfectly capable of entertaining herself trying to reach her purple balloon.

"Andé?" Erin questioned sceptically.

"Like Andy but fancier. Way more original than Ellie" Chase proposed seriously. He'd been trying to think of a better name for the toy for a while and then just when he'd given up, there it was, the perfect name. Andé. Simple enough but with a good meaning behind it, pretty much every kid would have an elephant named Ellie but he was convinced Ember's elephant should be as unique as she was.

"He doesn't need a fancier name" Erin declared. "Andy is good" She reasoned, she hadn't minded Ellie until Andy had been suggested, it just seemed to fit.

"Roary and Andy" Kelly tested aloud before nodding, they were definitely on to something.

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**I was rereading the other day (my favourite procrastination tactic) and realised I never got around to naming Emmy's elephant. You guys gave some great suggestions but the mental puzzle pieces fell into place and Andy was born. What do you think? **

**Up next is some Linseride time before he gets back to work… Thanks for reading, see you soon :D**


	231. Chapter 231

The family had played together blissfully until exhausted and ravenous before sitting down to lunch on the lounge room floor. They ate without speaking, Kelly and Chase lounging against the couch while Shay continued to eat and Erin fed Ember. The littlest Severide was having trouble staying awake, Ember's eyelids fluttering before she drifted off, starting awake seconds later and suckling hungrily. Erin patted and rubbed the baby's chest, torn between encouraging the baby to eat or sleep. It seemed logical that if Ember ate enough she would sleep more soundly.

"That's it bub" Erin murmured softly as Ember got a determined look on her face, sucking and swallowing in a rapid rhythm.

"She okay?" Kelly questioned, voice husky with tiredness.

"Mhm, just sleepy" She assured, making a face at the baby who frowned at the distraction and reached up to cover her mother's mouth with her hand.

"Me too" Chase agreed, muffling a yawn as he slouched even more dramatically.

"Yeah, must be naptime" Kelly seconded, trying desperately to resist the urge to yawn that tightened in his throat just watching Chase.

"No! Bah-loons!" Shay protested immediately, stuffing the remainder of the sausage roll into her mouth before jumping to her feet. The toddler began jumping about with her arms stretched straight up into the air, reaching for the balloons, almost tripping on her father and brother's outstretched legs.

"They'll still be there after a sleep" Kelly comforted, sitting up and wrapping his arms around his daughter, pulling her against his chest as he lay back. They wrestled for a moment before Kelly trapped Shay's arms against her sides, holding the squirming toddler as he peppered kisses on her face. When the toddler finally relaxed he made sure she was watching as he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.

"Please Daddy" Shay pled, wriggling until her hands were free before placing them either side of his face. "I no sleepsy" She whispered into his face, firmly believing that if she wasn't tired he shouldn't be either. Kelly couldn't bear to disappoint his little girl, not after the day before, and so he blinked a few times and gave the toddler a nod.

"Shay, let Daddy go nap. We can play" Erin interjected, knowing exactly what her husband was thinking.

"Nooo" The toddler whined, sending her mother a dirty look before looking to her father for his response. The frown settled on Shay's face as her parents communicated wordlessly, both insistent in their opposition.

"You have work" Erin reminded quietly, breaking eye contact for a second when Chase shifted uncomfortably.

"No" Shay denied flatly.

"Er…" Kelly began, though he wasn't yet sure what to say to her. He badly wanted things to go back to the way they had been before, before his return to work, before the accident. When he'd spent days off with his girls, nights with his wife and had a job saving lives to fill the rest of his time.

"Can you put Em down for me?" Erin asked before he could continue, setting about detaching the still nursing baby in preparation for his acceptance.

"Sure" Kelly accepted even though he knew what she was doing, giving him the chance to go upstairs and rest. He wasn't sure what she had planned to distract Shay but he was confident she would manage, he simply wasn't tired anymore. He released Shay with little more than an apologetic look and got up, taking the baby from his wife while trying to ignore her pointed look.

As Kelly headed up the stairs he wasn't sure how long it would be before he came back down them, bouncing Ember a little as she looked around uncertainly. "You don't look too sleepy bubba" He told her as he reached their bedroom. Ember leaned in against his chest and pressed her mouth to the fabric of his shirt, sucking futilely to communicate that she was still hungry. "Hm" He sighed, he didn't want to take her straight back down to his wife, that would make her think he couldn't handle it.

He could and so he lay the baby back in his arms, cradling and rocking her slowly as he began to hum softly. Ember grizzled and Kelly automatically blamed his humming, replacing the sound with the lullaby produced by the mobile hanging over her crib. Ember exhaled deeply then yawned before slipping her little finger into her mouth, sucking as she drifted off to sleep. He didn't put her down straight away, moving to the edge of the bed he sat thinking for a long moment while stroking her soft hair.

Erin was glad her husband had listened, even if she hadn't said aloud any of what she'd been thinking. It was easy enough to work out though, if he was tired he was more likely to end up in a situation where getting hurt was a possibility. It was getting to the point where she wanted to go with him to work, actively supervising him so he didn't get hurt again. He couldn't get hurt again, one too many close calls had taken their toll and the latest injury, as minor as it was, was the last straw.

"We tire her out, then we nap" His voice came from behind her, soft, in a tone she recognised as the one he used when he was going against her wishes but only because he thought it was for the best after great consideration.

Erin turned to look at her husband, inadvertently continuing the game she had begun with Shay as she did so; the toddler swiped a balloon from the air, quite a feat considering she was perched on her mother's shoulders and blindfolded by a burp cloth they'd found. Chase, ever conscious of Erin and Kelly's relationship and Shay's happiness, lifted the two year old off her mother and began to celebrate the small victory.

"I love you" Kelly reminded with a shrug, hoping to sway her decision since it didn't look like she'd made one yet.

"Love you too" She returned with a small smile, moving to give him a hug. He was trying, she had to appreciate that.

"Daddy! You go" Shay called when she caught sight of her parents paying attention to each other instead of her.

"My go? What are we playing?" He questioned, though he had seen some of the game he hadn't been paying attention and had no grasp of the rules.

"Catch!" Shay explained spontaneously, the game hadn't had a name or rules, it hadn't needed one. Erin had intended it only as a delay tactic while she thought of an actual game to play.

"Ahh" He acknowledged her answer while his wife retrieved the burp cloth and tied it around his head.

"Just try to get the balloons" Erin directed as she steered him to the middle of the room and let go.

"This is harder than it looks" Kelly announced, laughing as he nearly lost balance, spinning around with his arms up, hoping to feel a ribbon brush against his hand. "You're moving them!" He claimed a second later, Shay's giggles a dead giveaway.

"No we're not!" Erin lied brazenly as she quickly grabbed the balloon he had been about to touch.

"Sure!" He countered, lowering his arms he reached for her instead, finding her hand and trying to snatch the balloon from it. She tried to keep hold of it but he refused to give in tugging so hard she stumbled and collided with him. Kelly abandoned the game but kept hold of the hand gripping the balloon, tearing off the blindfold before leaning down and pressing a kiss to her mouth.

"That not da game Daddy!" Shay protested from where she sat on her brother's shoulders.

"Yeah, time's up. You got one" Chase concluded, unimpressed.

"Shay, your turn" Erin informed as she extracted herself from her husband's arms and released the balloon she'd been withholding. Chase had already picked up the burp cloth blindfold, assuming he'd be next, but gave his parents a knowing look before fastening it around Shay's head. The game degenerated quickly, the improvised blindfold soon discarded as they made another game out of making Shay run about after the balloon. The toddler scrambling on and off the couch as they taunted her with near-misses, they were running about just as much and laughing too. For a few moments they were having so much fun that Kelly didn't want it to end, he didn't want to be tiring Shay out so that he could spend time away from her.

Then the next time he turned around, searching for his wife because he wanted to watch her laugh at the way Shay had momentarily caught the balloon string between her toes, she wasn't there.

"Where'd Er go?" He asked Chase when he turned back to the action.

"Upstairs I think, bathroom probably" Chase answered briefly as he bent over and began to tickle Shay.

Kelly waited a moment but then grew impatient and while Shay was shrieking with laughter he slipped away too, out of the room and up the stairs in only a few seconds. As soon as he entered their bedroom he knew Chase's prediction was correct, quite unusually though the bathroom door was closed. Kelly wasn't sure what to make of it, she was entitled to some privacy but rarely got any. As he neared the door he told himself that his behaviour was perfectly acceptable but as he turned his head and set about listening he knew it wasn't.

He jumped when the toilet flushed on the other side of the door then calmed as water splashed in the sink, she wasn't coming out just yet. But what would he tell her when she did? His mind raced and he panicked trying to come up with an excuse, raising his hand and knocking before he really knew what he was doing.

"Just a sec" Erin answered through the door, frowning a little as she realised that it had to be her husband. "You can use the other bathroom" She suggested, tone just a little frustrated as she ran her wet hands over her face before reaching for the hand towel.

"You alright?" Kelly enquired through the door, setting a palm flat on the wooden surface even though he desperately wanted to turn the handle and see her.

"Yeah, I'm fine. We have two bathrooms for a reason…" She answered as she yanked the door open, surprised by just how close he was.

"I just wanted to check on you" He offered in a soft explanation, reaching out to cup her cheek.

"I'm fine" She assured, placing her hand over his for a second before pulling his hand away, letting it drop back to his side.

"Are you sure?" He questioned seriously, giving her a gentle and supportive look.

"I'm not pregnant" She stated, eyes on the floor as she spoke then quickly darting up to see his reaction.

"Of course you're not, babe I was just-" He defended, assuming she was still upset with him for his off-colour joke.

"No" She cut him off. "I'm definitely not pregnant" She repeated, that time holding eye contact and providing more obvious emphasis.

"Good?" He nodded, still lost as to the greater meaning of her sudden need to make certain he knew.

"Kelly" She added, giving him a look. It took a moment of concentrated effort to figure it out but then his eyes lit and widened.

"Oh!" He gasped. "Oooh! Okay" He accepted, shaking his head a little as he processed the revelation and his obliviousness. "Um… What do you need? Chocolate? Ice cream? Wanna lie down? Blanket? Heat pack? Herbal Tea?" He listed rapid fire, rubbing her upper arm comfortingly.

"Stop. I'm fine" Erin complained, unimpressed by his over the top reaction no matter how well intentioned he was.

"You sure? I mean good, that's good" He nodded fiercely, strangely nervous.

"You realise I can't have chocolate or ice cream" She reminded, trying draw his thoughts away from anything that could make him any more uncomfortable. Not that she could really understand why men always seemed so sensitive about periods, it wasn't as if they had to have them.

"I'll go buy you some" He vowed.

"Please don't" She requested, another look telling him she wasn't happy.

"Sorry" He sighed, running a hand through his hair as if he'd been under some sort of stress. "You alright though? Cramps?" He couldn't stop himself from asking, needing to know what he could do to help.

"Nope, it's really light but uh… I'm not pregnant" She reiterated, as small a victory as it might have been. "I'm sorry I snapped at you before" She added, determined not to mention it further, she needed to get over it.

"That's okay, hormones" He dismissed sympathetically. "It wasn't funny anyway."

"I was oversensitive" She defended, wishing she hadn't let the woman in the bakery's words get to her.

"Hm?" He asked softly, seeking further clarification.

"At the bakery, with Shay's balloon people assumed… A woman congratulated me" She summarised very briefly, as much as she wanted to forget it her memory of the interaction was clear.

"What? That's so rude! Who would do that? You're not pregnant, you're definitely not pregnant. You're beautiful, god Er you're so beautiful!" Kelly ranted, possibly more upset to hear about it than Erin had been when it had happened.

"Mhm" She accepted with a nod, it definitely didn't hurt to hear him say it.

"Don't let those bitches get to you babe, you look great. You had a baby five months ago! A ten pound baby, I am so proud of what you did to give us Emmy" He informed passionately. "Please Er, you look incredible. I look at you and wonder how I got so lucky. You take my breath away baby, all the time, in your sweats and singlets with your hair up 'cause you haven't had a chance to wash it… You're so beautiful but it's more than that, you're an incredible mother, always putting our girls first even when that means getting annoyed at me for taking stupid risks. I love you baby, you're beautiful inside and out" He told her firmly as he stroked her cheek and held her hand.

"That's a pretty convincing argument" She allowed after a brief silence in which she had taken in everything he had said.

"Being pregnant wouldn't change any of that, you're beautiful then too" Kelly added, just to be sure she knew that he always found her exceptionally attractive. "But I'm glad you're not, we need to focus on us and the girls and work for a bit, then we'll make more babies" He winked.

"Baby" She corrected simply.

"Babies" He insisted, wrapping his arms around her as he kissed her forehead. She enjoyed the embrace for a long moment before turning her head to look at their reflection in the floor length mirror of the wardrobe door.

"You're right, I don't look pregnant" She concluded, though it helped her body was pressed against his.

"Uh… Sorry…" Came an unexpected voice, Chase standing in the doorway looking uncomfortable with what he'd just overheard. "Shay's out for the count" He explained when they looked to him.

"Oh, thank you Chase" Erin supplied kindly, the fun she'd abandoned downstairs had been furthest from her mind.

"I…um…" Chase stuttered as he remained. "Uh, you look great Erin, 'cause you are" He concluded with a smile and a nod before scurrying away, not sure if it was an appropriate comment to make.

"Thanks" Erin called after him, feeling better for his second opinion even though her husband had done all the hard work changing her mind.

"C'mon, we might not be able to…" He gave a look that was an obvious substitute for any words before continuing. "But I wanna lay here and kiss you until you forget everything" He urged as he led her to the bed.

"That'd be nice" She agreed, taking a deep breath as she sat down, laying back and getting comfortable with her head resting against his bicep then.

"I love you gorgeous" He concluded, brushing her hair back so he could look deeply into her eyes.

"I love you too handsome" Erin returned with a smile, she loved him for knowing exactly what to say to make her feel better. Always. Kelly smiled back then smirked playfully before he began to kiss her hungrily, if words weren't enough his actions would be.

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**I was almost too tired to finish this, glad I did though. Hope it's okay... Thanks for reading :D**


	232. Chapter 232

"So, what are my girls going to do this morning?" Kelly questioned through the phone positioned between Erin and Shay on their bed. He had been talking to his family for a little while and as much as he had enjoyed every second he also wanted to get up and run some drills, reasserting himself as the lieutenant of squad three.

"Some cooking I think" Erin answered as she twirled a lock of Shay's hair around her fingertip, giving the toddler a questioning look to see if that would interest her.

"Toons!" Shay announced, getting a dreamy look in her eyes as she thought about playing with her toys and balloons in front of the television for the rest of the day.

"What about helping Mummy cook?" He asked his daughter, hoping to encourage her to do something productive.

"Yeah, I always helps" Shay shrugged, as if she had meant to say that all along. The two year old's definition of helping in the kitchen was licking bowls or spoons and occasionally adding or mixing ingredients. It wasn't much but when Kelly wasn't there he liked to know Shay was making Erin's life as easy as possible.

"Good girl" He praised, knowing she was telling the truth. He should have known by then that he didn't need to remind Shay to be good, they had been instilling good values in her from birth. "What are you going to make? I'm hungry" He admitted.

"Did you–?" Erin began to ask.

"Yes" He answered before she could even finish the question. "Yes, I had breakfast. Toast, we were out of milk because somebody forgot it was his turn to buy milk" He explained, looking out from his office to where Chase was sitting on his bunk on his computer. Since becoming a lieutenant Kelly hadn't been part of the rotation but Chase was and without a reminder from him he hadn't known it was their turn to go via a convenience store on the way to work.

"I thought I reminded you" Erin teased because she liked to poke fun at him about menial tasks going away with rank.

"Haha" He offered drily with a deep undertone of sarcasm, he wasn't going to take the bait and explain that he was only involved because of Chase. He'd done that numerous times already and she always ended up suggesting he help Chase study for the lieutenant's exam then. "And now we're out of bread too" He added, trying to garner some sympathy because he really was hungry and they really were running low on food.

"Well the cake we're going to make is for tonight, when you come back to us. The less injured you are the bigger the slice you get" She proposed hopefully, using her hands to gesture to Shay that they would be sharing the whole cake themselves. The toddler looked concerned for a minute but Erin's playful expression eased her nerves and she let out a little laugh.

"We gon' eat all da cakes if you gets hurted" The two year old threatened facetiously, aware that her mother's actions hadn't been translated over the phone.

"Shay, Daddy's being extra careful" Kelly comforted, seeing the more serious side because he knew how worried she was if her tantrum the night before was anything to go on. He hadn't bothered making promises that time, he'd just held her and told her how much he loved her.

"We're just teasing" Erin assured, giving Shay a comforting smile. The toddler looked as if she didn't know how to feel. "Other than cooking I don't really have any plans for the day, which is probably a good thing since it's ten and we're all still in bed" She changed the subject, trying to remind Shay that they'd had a fun morning dozing, chatting, snuggling and reading in bed.

"Shay, can you go give Emmy a cuddle for me, a really big one" Kelly requested unexpectedly, sounding as if it were important and perhaps urgent.

"Yes Daddy!" Shay answered quickly, checking her mother wasn't going to intervene as she slipped off the bed. The toddler marched to the crib and began to scale the side, more skilled at climbing in than she ever had been at climbing out.

"Er, pick up the phone" Kelly instructed, demanding his wife's attention.

"What? Why?" Erin asked as she fumbled with the device before turning off speaker phone and holding it to her ear.

"How are you feeling?" He questioned, using a calm and gentle tone that helped her understand what he was really asking. "Because I was talking to Herrmann…" He started to explain.

"Kelly!" Erin practically yelped. If he was referring to what she had thought he was, it was private information she didn't need him spreading around. "What did you say to him?" She demanded as she overcame the shock.

"No" He provided, a little exasperated by her reaction because he hoped she knew him better than that. "I was just asking what Cindy's plans are for the day" He justified. "She has an assignment due soon so I called Katie instead, she can come over and cook with the girls if you want some time to yourself" He informed, he really had only been trying to help and was disappointed by the poor reception of his attempt.

"No, I'm fine" Erin reassured, wondering why he thought he needed to be finding help for her. "I've been doing this a while you know, I can cope" She pointed out. It was nice of him to try but she didn't want help or need time to herself. Erin wasn't quite sure how to tell him that she'd been wrong, that she'd jumped to conclusions only to discover that it was probably just spotting rather than the beginning of her first period since Ember's conception. She decided to see what the day held and talk to him in person.

"I just want to help, even if I'm not there" He confessed softly, making Erin feel bad for being so dismissive. She could have tried to let him down softly.

"Babe, you're helping, you're working. How else would we pay for all the online shopping I did this morning?" She questioned, hoping to lighten the conversation a little.

"You're not shopping online again! What did you buy?" He questioned, even though she was typically very sensible, only buying things they needed, they would have to be more careful so as not to eat into their savings. Not that he really knew what they were saving for, beyond the next time he couldn't work and had his pay docked.

"Oh I am, bad things happen when you're not here to supervise me" She joked. "I bought the cutest swimsuit for Emmy, for Antonio's pool party on Saturday, and a kickboard for Shay – Who just so you know is practically smothering her little sister" Erin shared, looking across the room to see Shay seated in the crib, holding Ember in a hug and kissing her fuzzy hair. "Shay don't squeeze her" She called across to the two year old.

"Why does Em need a swimsuit? She's a baby, just put her in one of those swim diapers" He suggested as if it were the most logical thing to do.

"She'll get sunburnt, it comes with a matching hat" She countered, feeling like she would need to put on her best sales person act to convince him.

"She has a hat. And what about one of Shay's old swimsuits? One of those should fit her" He proposed, even though it was too late since she'd already bought it.

"Nope, I checked. She's between the sizes we have" Erin defended triumphantly.

"She's just going to grow out of it…" He reasoned, that was something she couldn't argue with.

"But it's so cute, you'll see" She assured.

"Alright" He conceded with a faux exasperated sigh. "What else did you get?" He asked hesitantly.

"A kickboard" She reminded.

"What does Em need one of those for?" He pestered light-heartedly. He was trying to picture their chubby daughter sitting atop a kickboard, it would likely sink a little under her weight; the thought enough to make him smile broadly.

"It's for Shay. It's shaped like a seal, she's going to love it" She informed, a little excited by the thought of giving Shay something she didn't know she wanted.

"You gonna put it away for her birthday?" He enquired, just to stir a reaction from his wife. He could have voiced his mild concern over the idea of giving presents when it wasn't a special occasion but he decided to tone down the teasing they'd been doing.

"Her birthday's in winter" Erin stated flatly in response, rolling her eyes even though she knew he couldn't see her.

"So?" He contested.

"So I want us all to have fun this weekend" She explained, looking forward to the weekend even though it was only Wednesday.

"You can't buy fun" He reminded, it sounded far harsher than he had intended it to.

"I know, stop it. I spent like thirty-five dollars" She defended.

"I'm just playing babe, I'm sorry" He apologised, wishing he had been more careful since she couldn't see his facial expressions. "I can't wait to see. And we'll have fun this weekend, don't you worry about it."

"I'm not, but I am a little worried about Em, I'm gonna have to go rescue her" Erin explained after looking across at the crib to check the girls.

"Okay" He accepted, knowing Shay could be a little too loving when it came to her baby sister.

"Love you" She farewelled.

"I love you too, have a nice day" He returned, wondering if their conversation would be ending so abruptly if not for his unnecessary comment. "Er?" He questioned a second later, fearful she was going to hang up.

"Mm?" She asked distractedly.

"You gotta say it" He urged.

"It doesn't work" She muttered.

"Please" He requested, it didn't matter that he wasn't superstitious he knew something bad would happen if she didn't say it.

"Stay safe Kelly" Erin obliged, she meant it with every fibre of her being.

"You too, give the girls a kiss for me" He finished, as much as he wanted to stay on the phone with them forever he was looking forward to getting through some drills and getting back into a routine.

"Bye" She murmured as she took the phone from her ear and ended the call, tossing the device onto the bed before making her way to the crib. She extracted Ember from Shay's arms, calming the grizzling baby as she retrieved Camille's notebook from the drawer of her bedside table. She wondered if she had the culinary skill to recreate a meal she had helped Camille make during their last summer together.

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**Talking about culinary skill, this evening I took a pie dish out of a 200****º****C oven with bare hands o-O Something I really wouldn't recommend since I now have burned all the fingers of my right hand, some are bad enough they've blistered :( Makes typing a little painful so hopefully they'll heal quickly.**

**Oven gloves are a wonderful invention, please use them!**

**This is only half of what I had planned for this chapter but their phone conversation kinda took on a life of its own, hope the dialogue was alright (lots of playful banter). Thanks for reading :D**


	233. Chapter 233

"Now Mama?" Shay questioned, spilling more than half the milk as she lifted the measuring cup over the bowl. Milk dripped slowly into the dry ingredients Erin had measured out ready to begin sifting.

"No Shay, put that down. Please wait until I ask" Erin requested, trying to remain calm as she guided the toddler's hand away from the bowl. Shay slapped the measuring cup down onto the bench in the middle of the milk puddle, splashing more of the liquid across the bench.

"I helping" Shay argued, her tone accusatory since everything she tried to help with was wrong. First she had tried to get the glass mixing bowl from the top cupboard, they no longer owned a glass mixing bowl but Shay had again tried to help in cleaning up after herself. Shay had wanted to help measure ingredients but after tipping the bag of self-raising flour on the floor she had been set on the bench and told to watch. It was hard to watch though, when her father had asked her to help.

"Well can you please help when I ask?" Erin reiterated, wiping up the milk before the toddler could spread the mess any further.

"I go 'toons?" The toddler asked hopefully, wondering if saying no to her mother would be the better option.

"No, it'll be time to mix soon. Just watch" She instructed, giving the toddler a sympathetic look because she understood that it would be frustrating for the little girl. If she'd known how complicated it was going to be she wouldn't even have bothered, she'd read the recipe while occupied remembering Camille executing each step with the grace only a true housewife could achieve. Erin felt particularly inadequate when comparing herself to the only mother figure she'd ever had, as hard as she might try at times she still didn't feel like she fit in the role.

"How soon?" Shay whined impatiently, pouting as she began to draw in the wet smear left where the spilled milk had been.

"Soon" Erin assured gently, looking up from sifting momentarily before realising her hand had drifted from above the bowl. She was making as much mess as the two year old. "You wanna try–?" She began, cut off by a cry from the baby monitor before she could offer to let Shay try sifting the dry ingredients. "I'll just get Emmy, she can help" Erin told the toddler before rushing out of the kitchen without so much as looking back.

Shay didn't want Ember to help, there were so few jobs already and her father had specifically asked her to do them. Surely she could do everything better than her baby sister could anyway. The two year old suspected she might even be able to do it better than her mother, or faster at least. And so she picked up the sifter and upended the contents into the bowl, much faster already.

Erin was nearing the top of the stairs when she heard the clatter of something falling to the floor in the kitchen. She groaned aloud, she should have expected as much, Shay just couldn't help herself. It was unusual for Ember to start crying so suddenly though and so she didn't want to delay by going back down to the kitchen. The five month old would typically gurgle when she first woke, fussing and grizzling and then crying only if her needs weren't met, giving her mother plenty of time to respond.

"What's wrong Em?" Erin questioned as she entered the bedroom, crossing quickly to the crib. Ember stopped crying for long enough to recognise her mother, grunting a few times before screwing up her face and letting out a loud wail. "Shh bub, you're alright" She comforted as she lifted the baby. The stench was almost unbearable when she did and Erin had to grit her teeth and consciously force herself not to put Ember straight back down. She had dealt with some pretty disgusting diaper changes but already she knew this would be the worst, and at the most inconvenient time too.

Erin could only work so fast, stripping off Ember's pyjamas and singlet before she even got to the source of the noxious odour. She had once laughed at a mother on a reality show for wearing gloves whilst changing a diaper but in that moment it seemed like a great idea. Ideally she would have run a bath for the baby but she didn't have time, sounds of movement below making her wonder what the toddler was doing whilst unsupervised. She had learned her lesson, next time she would drag Shay upstairs with her.

Arriving back in the kitchen with Ember dressed only in a fresh diaper, a towel over her shoulder and a clean outfit in hand Erin almost turned around and walked back out. Struggling to contain her frustration at the sight of the mess the two year old had made in such a small amount of time. Shay was happily sitting on the bench with the bowl between her legs, mixing away, while every measuring cup, dish and container had been dropped to the floor.

By the looks of it the toddler had thrown all the ingredients into the bowl and tossed everything else to the floor. Shay mixing with no regard for the precise steps detailed in the recipe; the recipe in the notebook Erin had left propped open on the bench. It took her a moment to locate the notebook, spotting it on the floor with its pages crumpled and damp. Erin couldn't speak for the anger she felt, stepping over the mess she took Shay around the waist, waiting until the toddler dropped the spoon before lifting her to her hip.

With the girls settled in the lounge room, Shay complaining despite finally being allowed to watch her cartoons and Ember lying on the towel on the floor, Erin returned to the mess. The ink had bled making the cake recipe illegible but the rest of the pages were still mostly readable. That was the most important thing, Erin putting everything else from the floor either away in a cupboard or in the dishwasher. She didn't even care about the cake, leaving the bowl where it was and turning her attention to running a sink of warm water.

Twenty minutes later Shay was helpfully entertaining Ember with a rubber duck, the baby sitting in the sink, splashing happily. While Erin was pouring the salvaged-to-the-best-of-her-limited-baking-abilities cake mixture into a cake tin, ready to go into the pre-heated oven. She had completely given up on the cake turning out anything like the one she remembered so fondly, and the rest of the dinner she had wanted to make to go with it.

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**I know this is short and just another part of a day, that's the best I can do at the moment between my hand and how crazy busy I've been. Sorry for the wait and thank you so much for reading :D More coming soon! **


	234. Chapter 234

The way she walked told Kelly everything he needed to know about how their morning had been. The unexpected visit explained by the look in her eyes alone. And as much as he wanted to disregard everything and rush to her, wrap her in his arms and never let her go, he couldn't straight away.

Erin was only just making her way through the door when Shay reached him, having run all the way from the car. The toddler was grinning broadly, her newest prized possession looped around her wrist and bobbing in the air as she ran. Shay scrambled up onto her father's lap and threw her arms around him, hugging tightly for a moment before placing a wet kiss on his cheek.

"Daddy!" Shay greeted excitedly.

"Princess" Kelly returned, dividing his attention between his daughter and his approaching wife. Kissing the toddler and getting a good look at her. Shay appeared as happy as ever, an indication of something he had already suspected, Erin had put the girls' happiness ahead of her own.

Capp's chair squeaked and Kelly quickly remembered that he wasn't alone at the squad table. Every pair of eye's, except Chase's, had been drawn to the colourful balloon. And, as Kelly quickly deduced from the wide eyed and uncertain looks, the message written on it. 'It's a Boy!'

"Say a word and I will kill you" Kelly hissed, loud enough for his squad to hear but not his nearing wife. The defeat and exhaustion in her downcast eyes were bad enough, he didn't want to add hurt because someone said something about her appearance.

"What about hello?" Tony challenged with a smirk, the playful look in his eyes fading quickly in response to Kelly's glare.

"Hey Erin" Chase greeted casually, choosing the moment she arrived to look up from his computer. He'd been so absorbed in his work he hadn't heard a word of Kelly's warning, not that it applied to him anyway.

"Hey" Erin returned as she hefted the car seat in which Ember slept up onto the table; she really was getting too heavy to be carried around in it. Talking to Chase was much easier than talking to her husband and so she continued. "Could you take this through to the kitchen for me?"

"Yeah sure. Can we eat it?" Chase questioned, accepting the Tupperware container gratefully.

"Mhm" Erin confirmed with a nod.

"Go with him if you want some" Kelly told Shay as he set her down on her feet. The two year old hesitated for a moment but then followed her big brother without another word, leading the way for the rest of the table's occupants.

Once they were alone Kelly got his first proper look at his wife, confirming everything he had suspected. He stood and had her encircled in his arms before she could think to resist physical contact the way she was eye contact. For a few seconds Erin remained stiff but then she allowed his warmth to relax her muscles and mind. She liked the way he could do that.

"You okay?" He asked, his hot breath reaching her scalp with each word.

"Better" She mumbled back, nodding a little against his chest. It was the truth, everything felt so much better when he was there.

"I love you" He reminded calmly, massaging her neck for a minute or so before pulling back to look at her. Her gaze remained directed solely at their feet and he knew that wasn't right. "What's going on?" Kelly requested, using a foot to pull out a chair before guiding her down to sit on it. Erin tried to think of what to say as her husband crouched in front of her, holding her hands and waiting expectantly for her to speak.

"The cake didn't turn out how I wanted it to" She informed sadly. Kelly knew that while that might be the trigger it certainly wasn't the only reason she was upset.

"That's okay. Even if it doesn't look good I'm sure it'll taste alright" He comforted, trying his best to be supportive in the hope she would continue to open up.

"It won't, the smell made me feel sick" She confessed, recalling how overpowering the smell had been before she'd even opened the oven door to see the sunken disaster of a cake.

"They'll still eat it" He shrugged before reading more into what she had said. He released her hand and flipped his, using the back of his hand against her forehead to test her temperature. "You aren't feeling well?" He asked as he brought his hand away, caressing her face then cupping her cheek.

"I wanted to make it for you" Erin replied, not answering his question. Since he was demonstrating such willingness to listen she wanted to explain why she was there. "Camille made that cake recipe for me on my last day at home, before I moved out" She started to explain slowly. "It was so good, she made it on purpose so that'd I'd want to come home… I want you to want to come home, safely" She justified before looking away, she knew it wasn't a particularly logical thought process.

Erin didn't even know how she expected him to respond and so the moment he opened his mouth she spoke again. "I know. I know it's stupid… I kinda just wanted to eat cake too" She said in an attempt to undermine everything, building her walls back up just in case. It seemed so much more insignificant out loud, she was really struggling with the idea that her trouble baking the cake was proof she would never be as good as her only real mothering role model, Camille.

"It's not stupid. It means a lot to me Er" Kelly assured, frowning a little at the way she always seemed to diminish or try to bury her feelings the moment she voiced them. He understood why she did it but it always left him wondering why she didn't trust him enough to leave her guard down. "You have to stop stressing about me, I'm fine. You're making yourself sick worrying about me and that's not okay" He told her firmly, pausing every time she tried to break eye contact. "We have to get back into a routine, with activities for the girls and us" He added.

"_Activities_ huh?" She questioned, not missing the slightly suggestive tone and the way he had shifted his hand to her knee.

"Yeah, plenty of _activities_ for us" He guaranteed, loving the hint of a smile that crossed her face.

"You remember when I was pregnant with Em, how scared I was that I wouldn't be able to manage with two?" She asked, surprising Kelly by directing the topic of conversation back to herself.

"Yeah" He answered, giving her an encouraging nod, curious to know what she was going to say next.

"This morning I just couldn't keep up" She admitted a little uncertainly, as though she thought he would react badly. "Shay was trying to 'help' with the cake and Emmy was being really fussy…" Erin trailed off since that was it, she wasn't particularly tired or unwell, there really was no excuse. She had managed perfectly well under the same circumstances in the past.

"Andy didn't work?" Kelly enquired, trying to work out what she meant when she said 'really fussy'. The stuffed elephant was surprisingly effective in calming the baby in just about any situation.

"Nope" She shook her head. "Actually," She realised, "I didn't try Andy… I couldn't find him."

"I tucked them in together last night" He responded, thinking back to the last time he had seen the toy.

"Well until we got in the car she was crying non-stop" Erin justified. It was a slight exaggeration but the baby had been acting as if she could tell when her mother's attention wasn't completely and totally devoted to her, crying when it wasn't.

"That's no good. You're not going to like me saying it but I bet she's just picking up on your stress, they both probably are. And while that isn't a good thing it kinda is" He reasoned, thankful that she didn't show any signs of being upset by his honest assessment.

"How?" She questioned, more than a little confused.

"Well it's an easy fix. You need to take some time out and relax" He concluded simply.

"Easy?" Erin scoffed, rolling her eyes a little at the suggestion. She couldn't help but think that he was pushing her to have someone else watch their children for a few hours because he didn't think she was doing a good enough job.

"Yep, you can do it right now. Leave the girls with me. Go get your hair done, or have a massage or a nice bath or something" He listed, thrilled by the spontaneity.

"What no! I can't. You're working, I can't just leave the girls here. What if you get called out?" Erin countered, just as opposed to the idea as he was committed to it.

"Don't worry about that, go on, you'll feel better after" Kelly insisted, pulling her to her feet as he stood. "Please" He requested holding her by the shoulders and using his eyes to convey just how serious he was.

"You don't have to do this just because–" She tried to explain, wishing she'd made it clearer on the phone that no special dispensations were required.

"I'm not, I love you" He defended quickly, before she could talk her way out of it.

"Good… because I'm not, it was just…" She finished the sentence non-verbally, making sure he knew what she was implying with a combination of eyebrow movements and hand gestures. "I love you too."

"Does that mean I have _activities_ to look forward to when I get home safe tonight?" Kelly asked hopefully.

"Maybe…" She allowed, a smile brightening her face momentarily.

"Go, please" He urged, his eyes telling her that he would take good care of their daughters. "I love you" He repeated, thinking that should be a good enough reason. Erin was silent for a moment, conducting a complicated evaluation of the pros and cons of each potential outcome.

"I should say goodbye" She decided, agreeing to go despite not knowing where she would end up if she drove off without Shay and Ember. Even just going grocery shopping without playing toddler twenty questions about each item would be a refreshing way to spend an hour.

"No, I'll come get the diaper bag, we'll be fine" Kelly assured as he snaked his arm around her shoulders and led her outside. He was sure he'd be able to explain what she was doing to Shay without causing too much upset and Ember likely wouldn't even notice.

"Pushy much? It's almost as if you don't want to be spending time with me" Erin pouted, he'd successfully persuaded her to take some time out but she would feel better about it if he joined her.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you babe" He informed, halting mid-stride and turning her to face him. "Just take some time to yourself" He implored, unable to suppress the urge he lent in and kissed her, focusing on the bottom lip that had been protruding seconds earlier.

"Are you sure about this? It's a little crazy" She questioned as he pulled away enough to continue guiding her to her car.

"Don't worry about us, go relax" He instructed, opening the driver's door for her.

"Thank you" Erin accepted, reluctance lingering in her voice but not her actions as she slid into the seat. She wasn't sure when or why she had agreed to leave alone but it was happening and she decided she may as well make the most of it. Not that she was sure what that was.

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**I don't know why it took so many attempts to write this chapter, it isn't even particularly good. Better than nothing though, hope you liked it. Thank you for reading :D  
**


	235. Chapter 235

**No excuses, I know I suck. I really am sorry though…**

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Erin's heart rate had not long returned to normal when it was set soaring again by the sight of her husband's car parked in their driveway. Confusion quickly gave way to concern and guilt. Kelly had been so considerate in facilitating her taking time out but it seemed he had done so at the expense of his employment.

The second the gate had opened she threw the car into park and fumbled to get her seatbelt off. She rushed up the front stairs and burst through the door, dropping her bag to the floor before rushing in the direction the voices were coming from. No more than three strides down the hall Erin came to an abrupt halt.

Sight and sound ceased being the most important of her senses as a smell reached her, instantly sending her back in time. For a moment she was entering another house, hearing different voices from the kitchen, in a completely different frame of mind, but the smell was the same. She wasn't in any rush after that, trepidation in each step she took towards the origin of the smell.

Katie was standing at the stove, singing a nursery rhyme while swaying with Ember on her hip, Shay singing along from the bench where she sat turning the handle on a salad spinner. Erin took in the sight silently, giving her mind a chance to catch up with everything. Spotting Camille's notebook open on the bench did nothing to settle the thudding in her chest.

"Mama!" Shay squealed excitedly when at the end of the song she looked up and saw her mother, leaning against the door frame watching them.

"Hey baby" Erin returned, stepping into the room in order to help Shay down from the bench, taking the toddler straight into her arms for a hug.

"Erin, hi" Katie greeted, setting the wooden spoon down on the chopping board before turning to look at her sister-in-law.

"Katie, it's nice to see you" Erin replied, remembering to smile at the last possible moment.

"Kelly said you were relaxing" The younger woman shared, a note of questioning in her voice because it was clear Erin's idea of relaxing differed from the norm.

"Yeah… I uh, I went for a run" She justified uncertainly. Erin hadn't been sure what she was going to say to her husband but now knew the truth would get back to him. With Katie's eyes conducting their assessment she suddenly felt sweaty and disgusting, standing there in her ill-fitting exercise wear. She had planned to squeeze a lightning fast shower in before returning to the firehouse and her mothering duties but Katie's presence had changed the need for that.

"Oh, okay" Katie accepted, still unconvinced that running was relaxing. "I started on dinner, I hope that's okay" She sought approval before picking the spoon back up and continuing to stir.

"Smells amazing." Was all Erin could think to say, torn between snatching away the precious and personal recipe and pretending it didn't have massive sentimental value. Already feeling inadequate since her husband's sister had managed to do what she couldn't, cook and look after the girls simultaneously.

"This recipe is brilliant" Katie informed, high praise given the fact she worked in a multi-award winning restaurant with consistently good reviews and a six week reservation waiting list.

"Mmm" Erin had to agree, as much as she appreciated that Camille had gone to the effort of writing it out she had only cooked it twice, and neither time did is smell as good as it was right then. "Where'd you get that?" She questioned, gesturing to the notebook, certain she had put it away after their baking misadventure that morning.

"Shay gave it to me, she said it was your favourite. And you had all the ingredients already" Katie explained, thinking it was a lucky coincidence. At the mention of her name the two year old suddenly became intently focused on the shoulder seam of her mother's singlet, wanting to avoid getting in trouble.

"Well thank you, you really didn't have to do all this" Erin accepted, knowing Katie's heart was in the right place made her feel less sensitive about that particular recipe being used. The bubbling pot and incredible aroma indicated that the gifted young woman was doing Camille's recipe justice.

"Kelly called" Katie justified, clearly having taken her brother's request seriously. "And I wasn't doing anything important" She added with a smile, hoping her sister-in-law knew she was only ever one phone call away.

"You know how he is…" Erin tried to dismiss, understanding why he had done it but wishing he hadn't. She didn't mind confiding in him when she was struggling but sharing that information with others embarrassed her more than he seemed to know.

"I do" Katie confirmed, tipping her head a little as she tried to read the other woman. "But how are you?" She questioned.

"I'm fine" Erin assured, feeling that her husband had only caused Katie to worry unnecessarily.

"Nice run?"

"Yeah" She nodded, it had been exactly what she needed. Without it she was convinced she would have reacted much worse to Shay and then Katie touching Camille's notebook, especially after the damage it had received that morning. "Katie, I really appreciate what you're doing but isn't it your day off?" She asked, hoping it wasn't too subtle a hint that she could manage from there.

"This just needs to simmer… I'll go if you want but at least let me watch my not-so-little nieces while you take a shower" Katie reasoned, placing the lid on the pot and untangling Ember's fingers from her necklace before looking to Erin.

"I'm sorry" Erin apologised after taking a calming breath, time seemed to have sped from the moment she'd seen Kelly's car and being flustered meant she'd reacted poorly. "You've gone to all this effort, we'd love it if you stayed for dinner" She offered, speaking for Shay and Ember who both seemed to be enjoying having their aunt over.

"Are you sure?" Katie checked, not sure what her brother would expect her to do.

"Absolutely, and I promise to only exploit you a little more because I stink and having a decent shower with these two around is near impossible" Erin joked, reaching across to tickle Ember as she pulled a face at the baby. It didn't seem to matter whether she took them in the shower with her or waited until they were napping, she still only ever managed to get a few minutes of privacy.

"Stinky-Mama!" Shay proclaimed before joining her baby sister in a fit of giggles.

"I promise I'll be quick, you can put on a movie if you want" Erin suggested once the girls had quieted, setting Shay down and then taking the little hand Ember had stretched out to her. "And I'll feed you as soon as I'm done" She promised the infant, shaking Ember's hand a little before withdrawing hers.

"Actually can I take them outside? I started out cooking in my sandpit as a kid…" Katie explained, eyes twinkling as she remembered the glorious hours she had spent outside as a child.

"Of course, have fun. And thank you" Erin repeated, glad she had come to an understanding with the younger woman.

"Take as long as you need" Katie instructed as she took Shay's hand and led her towards the back door.

Erin's shower was delightfully uninterrupted, treating herself to a whole minute just standing under the stream of scalding water. The burn that had set in while running subsided to a more bearable ache in her neglected leg muscles. She dressed comfortably and made it downstairs just in time to stop Ember shoving a handful of sand into her mouth. The baby nursed ravenously, drinking in rapid gulps as if she hadn't been fed for days, while Erin watched Shay and Katie play.

Kelly and Chase arrived home not long after they went inside, just as Katie was putting the fanciest looking Cottage Pie Erin had ever seen into the oven. Shay was quick to initiate a game with her brother, using the balloons that hovered at the toddler's head height since the helium had steadily been escaping. Kelly was glad to catch up with his sister and Erin sat between both pairs, Ember snoozing in her arms and Sooty curled behind her on the top of the couch.

The family ate and talked happily, sharing stories from the past and plans for the future. Katie and Chase discussed organising a double date with Nadia and Otis and plans for Nadia's upcoming birthday. They included Erin in their conversation about potential presents then quickly realised they would have to be more careful about what they said in front of Shay.

Kelly had fun feeding Ember the leftover mashed potato from his wife's plate but wasn't impressed that she hadn't eaten all of the small portion she'd given herself. He kept a close eye on her though and took great pleasure in seeing her back to her normal happy self. Kelly hoped that in the future his wife wouldn't be so resistant, finding great pride in having been able to pre-emptively identify her needs.

"Want some help?" He offered, bringing the rest of the dishes from the dining room to the kitchen where his wife was tidying up. Katie had left hardly any mess but Erin still insisted that since she had cooked she shouldn't have to clean. Chase had taken Ember through to the lounge room, eager to have the baby demonstrate her army crawling abilities for her aunt. Shay had rushed to finish her own dinner before rushing off to join in, leaving her father to clear away her plate.

"I'm pretty much done" Erin answered as she took Shay's plate from his hands and slid it into the dishwasher. "But thank you" She added, smiling up at him before shifting a few of the dishes around and closing the machine.

"What would you do without me?" Kelly questioned facetiously, taking his wife by the waist and turning her around to face him.

"I hope I never have to find out" She answered seriously, patting her hand against his chest and pursing her lips. Kelly leant in as if he was going to kiss them but then at the last second pressed his cheek to hers instead, whispering directly into her ear.

"I love you."

"I love you too, a lot" Erin returned, sliding her arms in under his to hug him close as she kissed the slightly stubbly hinge of his jaw.

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**Thanks for reading, please review! **


	236. Chapter 236

**For Sandygirl.**

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Taking just a few hours to herself had transformed Erin's outlook on life and with new found motivation the rest of the week went incredibly smoothly. She spent time turning organic fruit into purees to supplement Ember's diet, discovering that the five month old simply couldn't get enough apple and mango. The difference in food was linked to a distinct change in behaviour, the baby able to stay awake for longer, laughing endlessly during games of peek-a-boo, and sleep more soundly, soothing herself by stroking Andy's soft fur.

With Erin and Ember happy the rest of the family had no choice but to follow their example. Shay was delighted to spend quality time with her mother while her baby sister napped, doing puzzles, learning to play snap with her animal flash cards and reading together. Each day they would venture out to a local park, running and climbing together while Ember watched from her pram nearby or joined them to ride the slide with her sister holding her protectively. Shay's favourite activity by far was bath time though, her mother finally convinced that with the support of a bath seat Ember could join her in the big bath.

Kelly introduced a new game by piling bubble's on Ember's head, Shay only trying to top off the soapy hat with a rubber duck once. And when they finally finished Erin would be there waiting to help dry and dress the girls before a bedtime story in Shay's room. Chase joined them when Nadia wasn't over to help his grand equipment maintenance and replacement scheme, acting out parts of the story and doing his best to hype up his sisters before lights out. At each day's end Erin and Kelly would meet either in bed or over the phone to talk through their day before heading to sleep.

Come Saturday there was little room for improvement in their quality of life and Erin held some anxiety that their happiness would soon be disrupted. Nonetheless she orchestrated packing everything, including both girls, into the car ready for Antonio's much anticipated pool party. Chase had decided to stay home, suggesting that he might join them later in the afternoon if he could be bothered getting out of bed. Both girls were dressed ready to get straight in the pool while Erin opted for a geometric patterned sundress and Kelly a plain t-shirt and board shorts.

"Are we ready?" Erin questioned as she climbed into the driver's seat, making eye contact with both her daughters through the rear view mirror.

"Pool!" Shay affirmed excitedly, hugging her seal shaped kickboard which had arrived just in time to distract her from the disposal of the deflated helium balloons.

"Ro-ro-ro" Ember contributed in baby babble before pursing her lips to blow a raspberry.

"Shay's ready, Emmy's ready, is Daddy ready?" Erin asked, turning to her husband for a response.

"Sure am" Kelly answered cheerfully, squeezing his wife's hand momentarily.

"Let's go then" She decided, removing her hand from his comforting grip and placing it on the steering wheel.

"Ubber-da-see?" Shay asked no more than a minute later.

"Track seven please co-pilot" Erin requested, glancing across at her husband as she pulled up at the stop sign at the end of their street.

"Aye-aye captain" Kelly replied as he hit the stereo on button. Soon 'Under the Sea' from The Little Mermaid filled the car, complemented by Shay's off key singing which effectively drowned out Ember's gurgles. After the third repetition of the song Kelly allowed the next track to play and turned the volume down, hoping that engaging Shay in conversation would preserve his sanity. "Where are we going Shay?"

"Swimmin'" Shay answered without delay, waving her arms and kicking her legs in the best swimming motion she could perform in the car.

"We're going swimming at Uncle Tony's" Erin elaborated, answering her husband's question more accurately but ignoring the toddler's flailing.

"Shay, that's great but save your energy for the pool bub" Kelly urged, twisting in his seat to shake his head and discourage her enthusiastic car seat swimming.

"I not bub!" Shay argued, momentarily outraged she crossed her arms and turned her head away from her father, jutting out her chin in defiance. As she did so her gaze fell to her baby sister, Ember doing her best to replicate Shay's flapping arms, forehead creased in concentration. "Ohh Daddy! Emmy swimmin' too" The toddler shared excitedly, instantly forgetting her frustration.

"Is she?" He replied, twisting even further around but still only getting a view of one little arm moving up and down.

"Yep, she swimming her arms so good" Shay enthused, moving hers again for a few strokes to demonstrate for him.

"Now Shay, today is Emmy's first time at a pool" He reminded, using a tone that conveyed the importance of what he was saying. The two year old made an oohing sound and began to nod understandingly. "Do you think she'll like it?"

"Yep" Shay answered confidently. "'Cause Emmy-bear likes bath-y time" She added in justification, ensuring her father knew she had actually thought about the question before answering.

"Yeah she does. What doesn't she like though?" He prompted, knowing they had discussed it at length the night before.

"Ta-pay-toe?" Shay provided uncertainly after a long moment thinking deeply, trying to remember if there was something specific they had identified that Ember didn't like that morning.

"Well she doesn't like potato but what about in the bath?" He redirected, finding her pronunciation of the root vegetable's name particularly adorable he knew he had to correct her gently before Erin did.

"Oh! Splishing" Shay announced, remembering the way her father had explained that it was alright when Ember splashed herself but not when Shay did it.

"So let's not splish-splash near her okay?" He encouraged.

"Okay" Shay accepted seriously, knowing she hadn't liked it when the other children in her swimming classes had splashed her unexpectedly. "Are we dere yet?" She couldn't help but question after a few minutes waiting patiently, watching the cars and buildings pass through the window.

"Nearly" Erin answered, a slight exaggeration since they were only just halfway to their destination. She reached across and turned the volume on the stereo back up to try to distract Shay, beginning to sing along to encourage the toddler. Internally she was laughing at herself for knowing the words to the song. Kelly couldn't take his eyes off his beautiful wife, he wasn't sure it was possible but as she sang with their daughter his heart swelled and he loved her even more.

Even though Kelly had joined in singing for the last few minutes of their journey, 'Let it Go' the only song he knew all the lyrics to, Ember had still managed to fall asleep before they arrived. Shay was bashing at the Dawson's front door with her kickboard in hand by the time Kelly had gotten Ember's car seat out of the car and taken the diaper bag from his wife. Antonio pulled the door open just in time to see Kelly take his wife's hand as they came to stand together on the landing.

"Hey guys" Antonio greeted cheerfully.

"Hey-Ooo" Shay returned equally enthusiastically, hitting his leg with her kickboard as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Gosh you're getting big" Antonio commented as he lifted the toddler, pulling a face at her parents as he yanked the kickboard from her hand. "Watch where you're puttin' that thing."

"Sorry" Erin apologised quickly, releasing her husband's hand so that she could reach out and take the kickboard before her daughter could inflict any further injuries.

"I wanna pool!" Shay demanded, twisting in Antonio's arms to try to get the kickboard back from her mother.

"Just a second Shay, we have to say hello" Erin explained to the impatient little girl who scowled at being told to wait.

"You saided it. Now I pool!" Shay pressed as if it were of utmost importance that she get to the pool.

"Shh" She warned her daughter before looking to Antonio, giving a little smile that as a parent himself he knew well.

"Come on in" Antonio invited to break the momentary silence.

"Thanks for inviting us" Kelly replied as he gave Antonio a nod instead of offering a handshake since the older man had his hands full with Shay squirming.

"Little sisters" Antonio grumbled facetiously, since it had technically been Gabby who invited them and several others, speaking mostly to the toddler in his arms but loudly enough for her parents to hear as well.

"I gots a little sista" Shay shared with a knowing nod, demonstrating her growing ability to understand tone and body language. "It her first pool, she gonna swim" She couldn't help but add excitedly, pointing to the car seat.

"Little? What have you been feeding them?" Antonio asked loudly as he peered around enough to see Ember snoozing in her car seat. The baby appeared to have several chins with her head tipped forward, her stomach bulging around the straining seat belt straps and her bare legs roll after roll of baby fat.

"What have you been feeding **him**?" Erin redirected as they stepped out onto the back deck, pointing at Diego who had grown significantly since she'd seen him at their Fourth of July barbeque. "He's almost taller than me!" Erin realised as the teen rushed past them, stuffing a party pie into his mouth as he dashed down the stairs.

"Not hard" Antonio teased as he set Shay down, keeping a hold of her wrist since she looked like she would follow Diego into the pool if given half a chance. Erin's scowl did nothing to deter Antonio. "Littlies pool is down there" He began, pointing to an inflatable paddling pool Gabby and Matt had set up for Aiden. "If you want to go in there you'll have to tell them not to be so rough, I've had to stop them drowning each other twice already…" He continued, gesturing to the churning water where Diego was doing his best to remain above the surface.

Adam and Jay seemed to be coordinating the attack on poor Diego, Erin concerned for a moment before she figured out that the grown men were playing it up for Emmy and Liam Willhite's benefit. They too had grown since she had last seen them and she likely wouldn't have recognised them if not for Alec's shout for them to stop being so rough. Erin couldn't see the children's father from where she stood but she hoped that when they spoke there wouldn't be resentment in his eyes, even if she did still harbour guilt for Jules' death.

"Anyway food is over there, with my lovely wife, and sarcastic teenagers are applying sunscreen just here" Antonio finished, pulling a face at his teenaged daughter before looking back to the newest arrivals. Erin looked as if she hadn't been listening but her husband nodded his understanding and that was good enough.

"Uh thanks" Erin acknowledged, forced back to reality by Antonio's lingering questioning gaze. It was clear he wanted to get back to refereeing the wrestling in the pool but wasn't sure what to do with Shay, continuing to hold the toddler back from the pool. "Come on Shay" She said, taking the toddler's hand and freeing Antonio.

Shay kept her eyes glued to the action in the pool but allowed her mother to guide her down the stairs and towards the little blow up pool. Erin thought it was the perfect spot for her family since there was a vacant bench seat for them to put their things down on and because her little girls would be safer in a little pool.

As they went Erin managed to wave a quick greeting to Alec, hoping then that he didn't see her surprised expression when she spotted a woman she hadn't met before sitting next to him. The relationship between the pair was clear from their posture and Erin had to process it for a moment before allowing herself to be happy for him.

"Kelly" Matt called in greeting, forcing Erin to look away from the doctor.

"Hey guys" Gabby added as they approached, checking to see that her husband was watching their son before getting up.

"Hi" Erin returned distractedly, Shay tugging her arm to try to get to the pool. "Shay, shoes off then you can go hop in. But be nice to Aiden, he probably doesn't like splashing either" She crouched down to explain to the toddler before releasing her. Shay kicked off her shoes, the flats flying in opposite directions, then ran to the pool and went to step in, barely one foot in the water before she shrieked.

"Cold!" The toddler shouted, looking betrayed as she rushed back to the safety of her mother's side.

"Yeah silly, of course it's cold" Erin reasoned, trying not to laugh at her daughter even though it was hard with Gabby already chuckling.

"Come here Shay" Kelly requested, having set down the diaper bag and car seat on the bench he had his hands free to pick up the toddler. Shay complied and he carried her over, sitting next to Matt with the toddler on his lap, hoping she would want to play with Aiden and get used to the temperature of the water that way.

"Sorry, she's been excited all morning. It's good to see you" Erin said as she turned her attention to Gabby.

"Yeah you too, and the girls" Gabby returned with a smile.

"What about me?" Kelly complained, pulling a faux hurt face at the woman.

"I see you at work" Gabby defended quickly, shaking her head and chuckling again because her good mood had only been improved by the arrival of friends. The only thing that could make her smile any broader was the sight of little Ember sleeping in her car seat. "She is too cute!"

"They're always cuter when they're sleeping" Erin commented as she moved to turn the car seat so the baby wasn't in the sun. Gabby moved with her, wanting a closer look at the swim suit Ember wore.

"Aw, Em's a wittle watermelon" Gabby cooed as she reached in and tried to straighten Ember's soft brimmed swim hat. The new swim suit really did make her look like a plump watermelon, a red long-sleeved bodysuit with black seed shaped spots and a green frill around the middle. The hat had streaks of dark and light green to look just like the skin of a watermelon.

"See" Erin told her husband. "Watermelon."

"I said I was sorry" Kelly reminded, narrowing his eyes at his wife because he didn't want her bringing up the fact that he had mistakenly thought the outfit was a strawberry in front of his friends.

"Can I get her out?" Gabby questioned, missing the looks shared between Erin and Kelly as she focused on the sleeping baby.

"Sure" Erin agreed, the worst that could happen would be the baby fussing so much she had to be fed to settle. Still she watched closely as Gabby undid the straps and scooped Ember out of the car seat, cradling her and swaying gently.

"She is seriously the most adorable baby" Gabby gushed as she stared down at Ember.

"You can't say that!" Matt argued, even if it was true she had a responsibility as a mother to say her baby was cuter. Aiden had been incredibly cute as a younger baby but had recently reached the awkward lanky toddler stage, losing most of his baby fat since becoming mobile.

"Baby girl?" Gabby attempted to correct.

"Yeah, Aiden's looking pretty funky with his sunglasses on" Erin contributed, not seeing any reason for things to get competitive. One of the first things Erin had noticed about the little boy was the tiny red sunglasses he wore, held in place with a matching red neoprene strap.

"He hates them though, pulls them off the moment I look away. Don't you Aidie?" Gabby asked her son playfully, continuing to rock the baby subconsciously as she spoke.

"Ma!" Aiden responded cheekily, twisting around to look at his mother, his little hand reaching up to tug at his sunglasses as if on cue. Matt was quick to pull Aiden's hand away, straightening the crooked sunglasses before stuffing a toy helicopter into the little boy's hands instead.

"Ooh, is that yours?" Erin asked the toddler, drawing his attention to the toy he suddenly had possession of.

"No. Mine" Shay protested, having thrown the toy with every expectation of her father being able to reach out and get it back.

"Sharing Shay" She reminded, knowing that Shay had been struggling with sharing since Ember had developed an interest in her toys.

"You dis one Ay-din" Shay offered kindly, holding out the penguin toy to swap for the helicopter just as her mother had taught her. Other than the shape the toys were very much the same, Shay just didn't see it that way.

"Good girl. What do you think of Aiden's sunglasses Shay? Should we get some for you?" Erin asked, smiling encouragingly at the toddler when Aiden simply took both toys, too young to understand.

"Yes" She nodded keenly, her fascination with sunglasses had begun when Chase put his on her and took funny photos. Shay didn't know her brother had sent the photos to his girlfriend to cheer her up, she had just loved the attention. "Please" Shay added quickly, pursing her lips to form a judgemental look at Aiden, thinking herself better than the little boy.

"Good manners" Kelly praised since he couldn't see his daughter's expression.

"I didn't even know they made them that small" Erin commented as she turned back to Gabby.

"We got them specially at the optometrist" Gabby explained, looking uncertain for a second as if the last person she had told had thought she was crazy for taking her little boy to a specialist.

"And they cost way more than they should have" Matt grumbled, making Erin realise that it was a male thing and not just her husband being a grouch.

"But she said that it's important to protect young eyes" Gabby argued, it had clearly been a contentious point for the couple.

"We've never been to an optometrist" Erin interjected, wondering momentarily if that made her a bad parent. "I just assume they can see…"

"Aiden kept walking into stuff so I wanted to get his eyes tested" Gabby justified, looking pointedly to her husband to see what his response would be.

"He's just getting the hang of walking" Matt defended, thinking his wife had overreacted since it made sense for an unbalanced toddler to walk into things occasionally.

"We went to the dentist once, that was fun" Erin contributed again, not entirely sure what to think of the looks the couple were trading. They certainly didn't appear playful. "Wasn't it Kelly?" She asked while simultaneously signalling with her eyes that she wanted her husband to get involved in the conversation.

"Hm?" Kelly questioned, too busy playing with Shay to have been paying attention.

"Do you want me to make you another dentist's appointment?" She rephrased, a wicked glint in her eyes as she teased him.

"Don't you dare!" He threatened way too seriously, fear radiating from him since the moment she'd said dentist.

"I'm sorry" She apologised with a laugh and a wink. If it had created fleeting tension between them it had dissipated that between Gabby and Matt, both laughing at the discovery of Kelly's weakness.

"You are not" Kelly complained, pouting when Shay joined in laughing at him even though she didn't understand why.

"I love you" Erin mouthed, seeking forgiveness even though she knew he wasn't really frustrated with her.

"I love you too" He replied aloud, glad for the distraction that was Aiden tearing off his sunglasses and plunging them straight to the bottom of the pool. Erin nodded and after looking around to check that Ember was happy with Gabby she moved to join her husband and daughter at the edge of the pool. After all that was the most important thing, that they were together and loved.

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**I don't know how this got so long but late this afternoon I made the call to cut this here an split it into two chapters because otherwise you'll be waiting even longer than you already have. Thank you for your patience and for taking the time to read!**


	237. Chapter 237

"You enjoying that bubba?" Kelly questioned, reaching for a napkin to mop up the combination of watermelon juice and saliva streaming down his arm. Ember didn't show any signs of having heard him, so intently focused on gumming the slice of watermelon he held for her. Kelly hadn't expected the five month old to react so strongly to the piece of fruit, offering it only so she could suck some of the juice. Ember had instantly grabbed the watermelon slice with both hands though, sinking her fingers into the red flesh while continuing to suck and chew at it.

"Looks like it" Jay commented as he plopped down next to the pair, reaching across to brush Ember's soft hair back. "It is good" He had to admit, slurping at his own juicy slice of watermelon.

"This was my piece" Kelly confessed, hoping it didn't sound like he was complaining because he was thoroughly enjoying watching Ember eat so enthusiastically. He loved being there to see Ember grow and develop, with every passing day he felt he got to know the little girl they had created better. Their strong, happy and healthy baby was learning about herself and the world around her, exploring new foods and ways to interact.

"I can get you one" Jay offered, halfway to his feet before Kelly shook his head.

"Nah, I'll finish the slimy remains" He explained, confident Ember would lose interest before she finished the large slice.

"Gross" Jay groaned, appreciating his drool free piece of watermelon all the more.

"Gross is cold mashed potato she's sneezed on" Kelly corrected, finding the face Jay was pulling amusing because that wasn't even the worst thing he'd eaten. Kelly never thought he would do half the things he'd done but becoming a father made all the disgusting parts worthwhile.

"I was going to ask why you wouldn't just throw that away but then I remembered, you live with Erin" Jay remarked, not sure he would ever forget how angry she had gotten when he'd thrown out a perfectly fine sandwich in their first week as partners.

"Yeah, she does not like wasting food" He conceded with a knowing nod. It was perfectly understandable and Kelly had become so used to it that he had even stopped Antonio throwing out odd slivers of watermelon, giving them to Shay instead.

"She looks happy" Jay observed, Erin's laugh carrying from where she sat at the edge of the inflatable pool. Shay was laying on her stomach, propped up on her elbows playing a modified game of peek-a-boo where she ducked under the water and blew bubbles.

"I hope she is" Kelly replied softly, turning in time to see the smile on his wife's face.

"She deserves it" Jay agreed, knowing it wasn't anything Kelly didn't already know. "I don't know how she manages both at once" He added when Ember started to grunt and grizzle because her father's hand had shifted when he turned.

"She's amazing" Kelly nodded, looking back to Ember and making sure he was holding the watermelon where she could get it.

"Not going to argue there, I'm looking forward to having her back" Jay informed cautiously, not sure how Kelly felt about the prospect of Erin returning to work. Jay was practically counting down the days, Kim was a great partner and he felt that he had taught her a lot but Jay wasn't sure he could handle another day of listening to her endless wedding planning drama. He was sure he would be hearing about it again soon enough though, since Adam was there having fun at the pool and Kim wasn't.

"Mm" Kelly acknowledged, eyes remaining fixed on Ember in a way that told Jay more than a look would have.

"You don't want her working?" Jay questioned, thinking it an interesting revelation he was curious to find out if Erin knew her husband was so reluctant.

"No, that's up to her. I just… I hope we find more of a balance this time" He tried to justify, not entirely sure what he felt or why he was bothering to answer her former and future colleague's question.

"You will, we're all here to help out" Jay reminded encouragingly.

"You can help by watching her back" Kelly suggested bluntly, giving Jay a look that told him that was far more important than the babysitting he had been implying.

"Of course, always. You don't have to worry about that, she's careful. She knows what she has to come home to" Jay asserted confidently. Erin did what most people struggled with, keeping her mind on the job without ever forgetting what she was fighting for.

"It's been a while though…" He answered, careful not to suggest that his wife wasn't capable. He knew she was, he just worried that given how long it had been she was likely a little rusty.

"I'll take her to the range for some practice. She's good though, you know that" Jay prompted Kelly to keep in mind.

"Yeah I do" Kelly accepted.

"Know what?" Erin enquired as she came up behind her husband, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing to massage it lightly.

"That you were a genius buying this swimsuit for Em, you can barely see the juice stain" Kelly improvised, even though it was obvious he wasn't telling her the truth it was enough of a compliment that she didn't enquire further.

"Are you eating watermelon?" Erin asked Ember, not bothering to acknowledge her husband's response even if it did feel like a small victory given his typical opposition to her online shopping.

"I haven't had any" Kelly explained, sounding surprised since he had hardly been paying attention. While he had been occupied talking Ember had devoured the slice of watermelon, all that remained was the peel and a juice stain that extended from her cheeks to her chest.

"Wow, did you eat all that?" Erin questioned with exaggerated enthusiasm. "Are you all sticky now?" She posed next, unable to resist the urge to step in and clean up. Erin reached past her husband and across the table, taking the corner of the towel he'd twisted into a seat for Ember and wiped her dripping chin with it.

"I thought I'd take her in the pool" Kelly suggested cheekily, wondering if Antonio would get annoyed if he caught him rinsing off sticky watermelon juice in the pool.

"Okay" She agreed quickly, looking around as if she'd gotten caught up in the conversation and lost track of something. "Diego's going to help Shay swim with her kickboard" She explained, pointing down to where Diego had Shay standing on the step in the pool, the teen demonstrating how the toddler should hold her kickboard. "I'll be supervising" She assured in response to Kelly's alarmed look.

"Why don't you come in?" He questioned, partly because he wanted to spend time with her but mostly because he wasn't comfortable with Diego being solely responsible for Shay.

"Don't really feel like it" She answered with a shrug before smiling at Jay, especially curious to know what the men had been talking about given the way he was looking at her. Kelly seemed to sense her curiosity though and went to stand up before Jay could give too much away.

"Nice seeing you Em" Jay said, squeezing Ember's foot as she was lifted off the table before turning his attention back to eating.

"It's a pool party, you have to go in the pool" Kelly told his wife as he led the way back down the stairs to the bench seat where all their stuff was.

"Give her here" Erin requested, completely overlooking his comment as she watched him try to figure out how to take his shirt off and hold the baby at the same time. "Emmy's going to have fun isn't she?" She asked as she took the sticky baby who was still happily sucking the watermelon peel.

"Are you having fun?" Kelly questioned, looking to his wife uncertainly as he dropped his t-shirt to the top of the pile. He loved the way she always reacted to him removing his shirt, sneaking glances as if she thought she wasn't allowed to look, and even though he knew he wasn't in great shape after the accident it still felt good to be admired. That day something was different though, prompting him to show extra concern.

"Yeah" She confirmed as if it was a foolish question, forcing a smile.

"So, are you gonna to come in?" He asked for a second time, hoping that her eagerness to answer his previous question would lead to a change in her answer.

"Nope" Erin shook her head, trying to wiggle the peel from Ember's firm grasp.

"Please" He urged.

"No" She provided more assertively, frowning at him then transforming her expression completely when she looked down at their baby.

"I won't let them splash you" Kelly encouraged, reaching across to take Ember back before gesturing for her to remove her dress.

"I didn't bring my swimmers and even if I did…" She muttered, not expecting her husband to be listening since he had given in to his conscience and was trying to get a baby wipe out of the diaper bag to clean Ember up.

"What?" Kelly demanded, having heard her perfectly he desperately wanted to understand what she was saying.

"Nothing" She dismissed, wishing she hadn't let the comment escape.

"Erin" He said low and serious, looking around to make sure nobody was watching before stepping closer and placing a hand on her arm.

"I just spent the last twenty minutes explaining to Gabby that I'm not pregnant! After that stupid balloon everyone seems to think I am" Erin hissed, even though she sounded frustrated Kelly could instantly see the hurt in her eyes.

"So what?" He questioned after a moment, knowing it sounded harsh.

"Do I look pregnant?" She pressed, eyes desperate for him to tell the truth.

"No. You look beautiful" Kelly assured sincerely, trying to cup her cheek affectionately. Erin shook her head and moved back a step, seriously regretting allowing the topic to air in public.

"I just don't feel like swimming right now" She explained calmly.

"Erin" Kelly offered softly, sounding pained by the hurt she felt. He wanted to march over to Gabby and tell her to mind her own business but knew it was too late for that.

"I'm sorry" She allowed, feeling terrible to have ruined their good day with her insecurity.

"You don't have to be sorry, please don't be sorry… Can we talk about this later? I just wanted you to come have fun with us" He justified gently, bouncing Ember enough that she let out a giggle.

"I'll come put my feet in" Erin suggested hopefully, wanting to forget the last half hour and get back to enjoying herself and her family. Kelly nodded and wrapped his hand around hers, leaning in to kiss her cheek as they walked side by side.

A moment later they were cheering as Shay kicked her little legs furiously, arms outstretched holding the kickboard that Diego was pulling along quickly enough to keep the toddler afloat. The teen was quick to step in and hold the toddler up when she got distracted and started talking to her parents instead of kicking.

Twenty minutes after that Ember had fallen asleep against her father's shoulder, curled like a little frog in the relaxing warm water. Kelly was just as relaxed, his wife massaging his scalp as he lounged against her. Erin's ingenious idea to hook her feet in under his arms kept his head and chest above the surface, allowing him to float safely.

They both knew they would need to have a serious conversation about their feelings and future in coming days. Until then though they were committed to prolonging the happiness they felt surrounded by family and friends.

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**I'm not entirely happy with this chapter but I've tried a few different endings and this is the best I came up with. I didn't want conflict to overshadow the fun family day they were having, which I hope you liked reading more of.**

**IMPORTANT NOTE: You all know that I am doing my very best to update regularly but at times it feels like the world is against me, this is one of those times. I have a number of assignments due in quick succession and I really need to focus on them. That means I won't be able to update for the next week or so. I apologise in advance but can assure you that I will be back better than ever as soon as I possibly can. Thank you :D **


	238. Chapter 238

**SURPRISE! It is so good to be back, I'm not going to go into detail but I am terribly sorry that I haven't been able to update sooner.**

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He knew she wasn't asleep. Her eyes were closed and she looked relaxed but the moment Kelly had stepped out of the bathroom she'd automatically held her breath, just for a few seconds but it was long enough for him to notice. His deep sigh filled the still air as he crossed to the bed, making sure the towel he wore around his hips was secure before sitting in the small space between his wife and the edge of the bed.

Erin's behaviour was juvenile at best but Kelly got the message. She didn't want to talk. She had already made that very clear, ensuring the girls' bedtime routines were out of synch so they had only seen each other in passing since getting home. The Dawson's pool party had been fun, going late into the evening and becoming a barbeque dinner on the back deck. They had had a great family day out but the moment they got home Erin had completely shut down.

"I love you" Kelly told her, not even bothering to whisper since he knew she wasn't asleep. He brushed a few strands of hair back from her face and bent forward to kiss her soft cheek. Erin maintained the façade and didn't respond at all, breathing measured but slightly shaky as she tried to resist the urge to return the sentiment.

Kelly watched his wife for another minute before standing up, smoothing the covers over her and turning away. He proceeded to dry off and dress in his pyjamas, feeling defeated as he slowly got ready for bed. Kelly left the room briefly to check on Shay, picking her pillow up off the floor and tucking in under the toddler's head. The two year old was deeply asleep, unlike his wife, Kelly's eyes drawn to a rapid movement as he returned to their bedroom. He didn't give it much thought though, retrieving Andy from in under the crib and kissing Ember goodnight.

It wasn't until he was leaning over his supposedly sleeping wife to turn off her bedside lamp that he noticed the smeared tearstain on the cheek he'd kissed moments earlier. Flicking the switch and allowing darkness to flood the room Kelly shifted closer to his wife, kissing her shoulder as he curled around her. Erin stiffened momentarily, allowing a sniffle to escape before settling into his embrace.

"I love you" Kelly repeated, voice soft but firm in the assertion, rubbing her arm comfortingly. He could feel her nod in acknowledgment then she rolled in the circle of his arms, tucking her head in under his chin and snuggling against his chest. His shirt was soon moist from her tears but she remained silent, refusing to show anymore weakness than she already was. "I've got you" He murmured softly, breath hot against the top of her head.

Kelly held her tightly until her breathing evened out and her muscles slackened, relaxing more and more as he grew more confident she was sound asleep. He contemplated drifting off then when that didn't work made a conscious effort to try to slow his racing mind. Despite his efforts sleep didn't come easily, struggling with the knowledge he'd allowed his wife to cry herself to sleep. Kelly wasn't sure what he was supposed to have done differently, he could hardly force her to talk, but he didn't feel like he had done nearly enough.

Erin's avoidance strategy continued well into the morning, or that was what Kelly thought until he went upstairs to grab his phone and discovered his wife fast asleep and snoring softly. He felt a rush of relief as he realised her upset the night before had likely been intensified by tiredness. It made sense since they had had a full day, Shay and Ember both sleeping late as well. Kelly had risen early out of habit, getting a load of washing on and watching the news headlines until Shay found him, dragging her blanket along behind her. After a quick cuddle he led the toddler back up to her room and made her bed, collecting Ember just as she began to fuss.

Chase hadn't made an appearance at the pool party, instead leaving a note on the fridge to say he was spending the night with Nadia, so it was just Kelly and the girls going about their morning. For breakfast Shay had toast with strawberry jam while Ember devoured half an avocado much to her father's delight. For the last five months feeding had taken up a large portion of the infant's time awake, something Kelly hadn't been able to participate in until recently. He hadn't had much of a chance to figure out the system Erin had going with fruit purees but remembered his wife mentioning something about Ember trying avocado and figured it wouldn't hurt.

After they'd eaten, cleaned up and gotten dressed they'd set about putting Shay's alphabet puzzle together on the lounge room floor. Kelly had begun singing the alphabet and before long the toddler was trying to sing it too, often blending the letters together and getting mixed up. He had attempted to point to the corresponding puzzle pieces to help the toddler understand that he wasn't just making noises but Ember had grabbed the 'M' piece and was happily gumming at it. As he descended the stairs with his phone in hand he could hear the toddler singing happily.

"ABCBDeeB-EllyManOPeeee" Shay belted, pulling apart the puzzle to configure the letters into groups that showed some resemblance to words.

"Beautiful singing princess" Kelly praised as he sat back down next to the toddler, pulling Ember onto his lap and trying to ease the laminated cardboard puzzle piece from her mouth.

"I da bestest sing-a" The toddler declared confidently.

"Mm, do you want to see Dora singing the alphabet?" He questioned, pulling up the YouTube app on his phone so that he could find such a video for his daughter. Even though he had since learned Erin wasn't still giving him the silent treatment, he had convinced himself that he could earn her forgiveness if he impressed her by teaching Shay to sing the alphabet.

"Aflabet" Shay corrected, full of attitude as always.

"AHH!" Ember interjected in a shriek before Kelly could make a diplomatic attempt to explain to the toddler that he was actually the one pronouncing it correctly.

"Dora! Dora!" Shay squeaked as dozens of videos containing the cartoon character appeared on the phone screen. Kelly tried to keep the phone out of her reach but at that moment Ember decided to dig her sharp fingernails into the inside of his wrist. Taking advantage of the distraction the toddler snatched his phone and darted away, jabbing the screen until the Dora alphabet song began to play.

"Ouch" Kelly muttered to himself, the toddler apparently no longer had a use for him, climbing onto the couch to watch the video, and Ember hadn't yet withdrawn her fingernails. She was still squeezing tightly to the hand that had tried to confiscate the drool sodden puzzle piece. He managed to free his wrist by allowing the 'M' piece to return to the baby's mouth, four tiny bright red crescent shaped cuts left behind. He made a mental note to remind his wife to trim the baby's nails then scrapped that and decided he would do it himself when Ember next napped.

"Coo-R-ess-TU-Bee" Shay chanted along as the alphabet continued to play, briefly glancing up to see what was happening.

Kelly set Ember down, propped up in a sitting position by a rolled fleece blanket, and lunged for a toy to trade for the puzzle piece. His greatest concern was that if it got too moist it would bend out of shape and never fit flat with the rest of the pieces again. After rattling the toy giraffe with rings around its neck he made the switch without a fuss, the five month old taking the replacement item straight into her mouth. He did his best to mold the puzzle piece back into shape before setting it aside on the coffee table to dry.

Ten minutes and as many repetitions of the alphabet later Kelly won back his phone, fearful that he would go mad if it was played again. He promptly set Shay the challenge of getting the puzzle together by herself and took responsibility for keeping Ember out of the way; placing the baby further and further away so that she had to army crawl her way back to him. One second everything was fine and the next both girls were crying, Shay protesting the two minute timeout she'd earned for throwing puzzle pieces at her sister and Ember wailing at her father's stern tone. The toddler quieted to muttering under her breath about her sister ruining the puzzle for the duration of the time out, leaving him to console the baby.

Kelly didn't hear her footsteps over the girls' noise and so was startled when a pair of hands appeared before him, taking the grizzling baby from him before he could react. Erin had Ember nursing contentedly before she even sat down on the couch, holding the baby in one arm while using her free hand to tame her sleep tousled hair. If he didn't know better he would have thought she hadn't slept, dark circles under her bleary eyes and a crumpled expression.

"Morning sleepyhead" He greeted gently, unsure what mood she would be in.

"Sleepyhead!" Shay repeated after him, amused by the name she backed out of the gap between the couch and the wall, narrowly avoiding the tipped over chair she'd done her timeout on. "Sleepyhead Mama" The toddler figured out as she spotted her mother, crossing to her quickly and pulling herself up onto the couch to cuddle into her side.

"Morning" Erin croaked back, stifling a yawn while adjusting her hold on Ember so that she could hug Shay back.

"You sleep alright?" Kelly questioned, the look in his eyes telling her he already knew she hadn't.

"Mm, just could do with a little more" She answered honestly, holding her husband's gaze for a moment to reassure him.

"I can look after them if you want to…" He offered, trying to appease her.

"No, it's okay" Erin dismissed with a shake of her head. "I'm sorry" She added after a short pause.

"How 'bout I make you some breakfast?" He suggested, refusing to acknowledge her apology since he saw no need for it.

"Uh… alright" She allowed with a slight smile, knowing he would only grow more concerned if she told him the truth, that she wasn't hungry.

"C'mon Shay, you can help me" He requested, holding his hand out to the toddler.

"I makes you brekkies Mama" Shay assured, patting her mother's leg affectionately before sliding off the couch.

"I'm not very hungry" Erin called after them uncertainly, not wanting her husband to go overboard and prepare some sort of feast when she didn't think she could manage even a whole slice of toast. He didn't respond so she wasn't sure if they'd even heard her, she didn't have the energy to get up and follow them to check though concentrating instead on Ember. "Good huh bubba" She whispered softly as the baby grunted with frustration at the fact she couldn't drink any faster. Erin patted and rubbed the baby's back before stroking her hair and eyebrows until she calmed, seeming to realise her mother wasn't going anywhere.

Kelly returned with a plate in one hand and Shay on his hip, the toddler making intermittent monkey noises through mouthfuls of banana. Erin had shifted since he left, rotating in place to lounge across the couch, leaning up against the arm and on the verge of sleep by the looks of it. At first he thought she was asleep but then she turned her heavy head and gave him a tired smile, slowly pushing herself up into a sitting position so as not to disturb the baby who had drifted off. Erin lay Ember in her lap before accepting the plate, eyes lighting up when she saw her all-time favourite breakfast, avocado on toast.

"Hope that's okay" He said as he set Shay down beside her mother and perched on the coffee table before them.

"Yeah. Babe I'm sorry" She reasoned sincerely, it was so clear he had been and still was worrying, walking on eggshells around her. "Thank you" She added, mustering up as much energy as she could to say it cheerfully.

"I love you" Kelly replied simply, reaching forward to place his hand on the side of her leg, thumb almost touching Ember's ear as he rubbed up and down.

"I love you too" She answered quickly, dropping the piece of toast and wiping the crumbs from her fingertips before grasping his hand. She squeezed reassuringly and then released, about to let go completely when instead she pulled it up, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand.

"ME!" Shay shouted at that moment, standing on her knees and tugging her parent's hands apart with her own slimy banana covered ones.

"We both love you Shay" Kelly told the toddler as he guided her back to a sitting position and handed her the remaining banana she'd set down on the couch.

"Mhm" Erin confirmed with a nod, not wanting to set a bad example and talk with her mouth full.

"Everybody loves Shay" An instantly recognisable male voice agreed from the lounge room doorway.

"Chasey!" Shay shrieked, trying to stuff the rest of the banana into her mouth and climb off the couch at the same time.

"I love Chase" Nadia confessed, looking to her boyfriend for a reaction. A smile broke out on the young man's face before he lent across and pressed his lips to hers for a rare public display of affection.

"Chasey!" The toddler scolded when she finally swallowed the banana, holding back from hugging his legs the way she usually would and pressing her hands to her hips instead.

"What?" Chase challenged, tone alone indicating the toddler should consider her response carefully.

Shay shrugged, pouted for a second and then like a lightbulb had switched on in her head came up with a response. "What 'bout Emmy?"

"We all love each other Shay, that's how family works" Chase explained, crouching and opening his arms to the little girl. Shay hugged him for a moment and then set her sights on her aunt instead, strutting the one step to stand before her.

"Nad-jah up!" Shay demanded, raising her arms to communicate even more clearly what she wanted. Nadia complied without giving it a second thought, lifting the growing toddler to her hip and initiating a conversation which Shay quickly dominated with stories of swimming with Diego.

"How long were you standing there?" Erin questioned when Chase made eye contact, feeling left out since neither Nadia nor Shay had made any attempt to include him in their conversation.

"Long enough, disgustingly cute by the way" The young man commented, teasing them as he often did when he caught them doing anything more than looking at each other.

"Oh yeah?" She posed, tipping her head to refer to the kiss her son and protégé had exchanged in the hopes of teasing him back.

"Mhm" Chase chuckled knowingly. "Long enough to know that you're going to be fine with us taking the girls for the day" He resolved, making a point of looking them both in the eye and asking them wordlessly if they were okay before seeking their approval.

"You don't need to do that" Erin denied kindly but undoubtedly resolutely.

"But we'd appreciate it if you did" Kelly finished his wife's sentenced but earned a glare in the process, completely contradicting her.

"We had plans anyway, like our adventure to the museum but better this time" Chase informed, the fact they were disagreeing so completely motivated him even more so to give them time alone to figure out whatever they had going on.

"Better?" Kelly questioned, cut off before he could get an answer.

"Where do you plan on taking them?" Erin enquired, still firmly against the suggestion but hopeful she could find a more reasonable position than simply not wanting to be left alone with her husband.

"It's an indoor trampoline center, they're running a kids session today. And it's better because they'll nap well afterwards" He provided, concerned they would read too much into the order he had answered their questions.

"Ember's way too little for that" Erin concluded, offering an apologetic half smile because she knew he was trying to do the right thing.

"Nadia wasn't going to jump, she'll look after Emmy in the little playground they have. It's made of all these brightly coloured foam shapes, we've got it all worked out" Chase explained excitedly, noting his parent's less than enthusiastic expressions he decided to take a different approach. "We've taken care of them plenty of times before… Please" He requested, knowing full well it sounded childish.

"Sure" Kelly consented instantly, momentarily forgetting that there was even another voice to count. "Please" He added as he turned to his wife, not bothering with the pleading eyes strategy Chase was using.

"Alright" Erin allowed reluctantly, "but you'll need to be back in time for their lunch."

"Okay" Chase agreed, turning around to give his girlfriend a quick thumbs up. He had absolutely no intention of having his little sisters back in time for lunch, convinced that once the girls were out of earshot the older couple would lose track of time sorting out whatever was causing so much tension between them.

"'VENCHA?!" Shay shrieked when Nadia broke the news, drawing everyone's attention and reminding them who stood to benefit most from the outing. As the toddler rushed off to find her shoes Kelly and Erin exchanged a look, beginning to prepare themselves for what came next.

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**You probably didn't love that chapter, and some of you are sick to death of the drama in general but I'm not going to compromise my plot. I am so excited to tell this story! Thanks for reading :D **


	239. Chapter 239

The shrill beep of the washing machine finishing broke the silence that followed the click of the front door closing and the clang of the gate sliding shut. Kelly stepped around his wife and continued on down the hallway, heading straight to the laundry. Erin followed, curious to see what he was up to. Kelly transferred the clean washing to the dryer before filling the washing machine a second time and setting it for a wash cycle.

"No distractions" He justified with a small smile, she nodded and straightened from where she'd been leaning against the doorframe.

"Let's get it over with then, I'll have a shower after" Erin accepted, gesturing for him to lead the way.

"You want to talk?" Kelly questioned, unable to mask the note of surprise even though he knew it was harsh. He hadn't yet fully forgiven her for subjecting him to the silent treatment the night before, if they'd talked then they could have used their time without the girls much more productively.

"Not really, but you do" She shrugged, assuming a posture that screamed impatience as he stopped to look at her properly.

"Should we sit?" He asked a moment later, pointing to the dining room table.

"What is this? An interrogation?" Erin posed accusatorily, the statement not coming out as she had intended. "The couch would be more comfortable…" She concluded with a sigh, hating the tension between them.

"Okay" Kelly agreed, not particularly fazed by where the conversation took place, just that it did. "Good?" He checked when they were both seated, further apart than they usually would be but not at opposite ends of the couch either.

"Mhm" She confirmed with a nod, folding her hands in her lap before making eye contact. Several beats passed, both waiting for the other to start speaking, then at last Erin took the initiative. "I'm sorry about last night."

"You don't have to apologise" He told her exasperatedly, not a great way to begin the much needed conversation. "I just don't understand why you were so upset" He tried to explain, blue eyes trying desperately to be understanding.

"Well…" Erin began slowly, not sure where to begin.

"Was it just because Gabby, probably jokingly, asked you if you were pregnant?" He questioned flatly.

"She wasn't joking" Erin informed sharply, replaying the question in her head for the hundredth time in order to reassess her reaction.

"Are you sure? Because I'm sure she didn't mean for you to take it so seriously. You weren't serious when you implied she was pregnant at the engagement party last weekend…" He reminded, stopping before her glare could intensify any further.

"She looked me up and down, eyed my stomach and asked me if I was pregnant. Then when I said I wasn't she gave me this look" Erin tried to rationalise, it was hard to communicate since he hadn't seen the judgement in Gabby's eyes.

"Why does it even matter?" He urged her to consider, shifting fractionally closer.

"You don't understand" She answered with a sigh, moving back just enough to counter his advance.

"Exactly, I don't understand how the strongest woman I know can be so damn insecure" Kelly said far more forcefully than he likely should have, watching his wife's face fall as she processed the statement. For a long moment he wasn't sure if she was going to cry or not, Erin wasn't either.

"What do you mean?" She asked softly, looking him in the eye for the briefest second before twisting her hands in her lap.

"You let a look or a stupid comment ruin family time" He claimed, letting his frustration get the better of him which he knew was the quickest way to end her willing participation in the discussion.

"I didn't ruin yesterday. I got over it" Erin defended, setting her jaw subconsciously. Kelly wondered if she could feel what he could see, the transformation from insecure and uncertain to fierce and determined. He didn't understand why he could get that response so easily but she let what other people said get to her.

"So you're saying that the thought of talking to me was what was upsetting you last night?" He asked after considering what she had said carefully, trying to get her to see that she had allowed someone else's thoughts and opinions to get between them.

"No, Kelly" She groaned, exasperation overtaking her completely. "I love talking to you" She wanted to make clear, resisting for an excruciating second of silence before shuffling forwards into his lap. Erin curled herself around him and Kelly couldn't help but think her behaviour was indistinguishable from Shay's after a timeout, needing physical reassurance to know she was still loved. "I won't do it again, I promise" She vowed desperately.

"Erin, that's not what I want" He said, cupping her cheek and angling her face so that he could look her in the eyes.

"Then what do you want?" She asked, sick of first names, frustration and tension.

"I want you to at least try to explain why you let what other people say upset you" He requested as gently as he could.

"I'm sorry" Erin blurted, scrunching up her face because she knew he didn't want an apology, he wasn't going to let it go.

"Just let me in" He urged, pressing a kiss to her forehead before nodding encouragingly.

"I just… I guess I just keep thinking about what other people think of me and letting that change what I think of myself" She started to explain after a long pause. "It's like they're all looking at me through a magnifying glass and every flaw is huge" She continued, eyes swimming with unshed tears as she looked to him.

"Why does it matter what they think?" He challenged instead of denying that she had any flaws, they all did. If he'd taken time to think he probably could have thought of a better question but he was so glad to finally be getting to the bottom of it he didn't want to wait. It was already making more sense than it had seconds earlier.

"Because it's not as if I don't already see it! I know I'm not…" She stopped and sighed instead of finishing, giving him a weak smile and a shrug.

"Not what?" Kelly demanded, fiercely defensive of his wife even if she was the one making the negative comments.

"Who I used to be" She provided after much lip biting, it was as close to what she'd been thinking as she dared say when he looked so passionate.

"You're a mother now, to two beautiful girls who need a strong role model" He reminded.

"I know" She answered with a nod.

"You're an incredible mother Erin. I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else" He confessed honestly.

"I'm not though. If I was a good mother I wouldn't even be considering going back to work, I can't wait!" She exploded, surprising herself since she hadn't said it out loud until then. "I'm selfish and they deserve better than that" She summarised, pushing herself up off of him and beginning to pace instead. She couldn't look at him but she didn't have the courage to actually walk away.

"So this is about you going back to work?" Kelly asked, they'd talked about it before and he'd known she was conflicted but he hadn't realised it was still weighing so heavily on her mind.

"Maybe" She admitted, forcing herself to make eye contact. She had expected to see frustration there but didn't, instead she saw the beginnings of understanding.

"Well since the moment Hank mentioned going back you've been different, 'hormonal' and emotional or actually physically sick. That's not okay" He asserted.

"You don't want me to go back?" She asked, the prospect of him telling her not to calming her enough that she stopped pacing, sitting on the edge of the coffee table.

"I didn't say that and I'm not going to. It'd be hypocritical if I did" He justified. "I'm lucky, the expectations for dads are completely different. I can have both and nobody questions it, it's not selfish. We're equals here babe and I really don't think it's selfish of you to want to work, not in your job" He finished, adding a soft laugh at his attempt to lighten the mood.

"I felt" Erin began, swallowing hard before correcting herself. "I _feel_, so guilty that I went for a run on Wednesday afternoon instead of spending that time with Shay and Em. Especially if I'm going back to work, I'm going to miss so much."

"No you're not. We both worked when Shay was little and didn't miss anything too important. And financially we're in a much better position because of it" He mentioned even though he didn't want to be influencing her decision.

"Everyone says time with them is more important than money" She argued, realising then that she just needed someone to talk to about all the thoughts running rampant in her mind.

"Who cares what everyone says?" He questioned, that was exactly the point he had been trying to make all along.

"But it's true, half the kids I knew growing up ran away from homes where they got money instead of attention" She reasoned, they had all been just as messed up as she had.

"Our girls aren't going anywhere" Kelly assured with a playful wink, they were far too little.

"You know what I mean though" She complained, rolling her eyes and shaking her head to hide her smile.

"Yeah I do, I pretty much was one of those kids…" He confessed, playfulness diffusing rapidly. "I think we both want the same thing here, to give our girls the life we never had" He put simply.

"Mhm" She agreed.

"The most important thing is that when we're home, we're home, they're the priority. You've been giving them everything for a long time now, that's got to be hard. It's okay to give yourself a break, even if that break is a highly demanding job that you love and are damn good at. That doesn't make you selfish" He reiterated, just in case there was any doubt left in her mind. "I'm probably not the best person to talk to about this because I just want whatever you want, whatever's going to make you happy. But instead of guessing what people think why don't you ask them? Ask them what they would do in your shoes. Gabby is back at work and nobody thinks she's being selfish. Ask people that really matter though, Hank and Cindy, Nadia maybe? Listen to the reasons they give and then make the best decision for you, that'll be the best decision for us, Shay and Emmy too."

"Okay" She accepted, it wasn't much of an answer after his lengthy speech but she was still processing it all.

"And no matter what you decide I love you" He added, reaching across the divide he took her hand, pulling her back onto his lap. He peppered kisses over her hair and forehead as he held her close and let her think for a few moments. "Feel better now?"

"Yeah I do actually, I'm sorry for not talking to you sooner… I just thought since we'd already talked about it… Anyway, thank you" She said with a smile, at times it was hard to remember that she didn't actually have to keep everything to herself.

"That's what I'm here for" He dismissed with a shrug.

"I love you too, a lot" She remembered to say, feeling as if she hadn't been returning the sentiment nearly frequently enough.

"Good" He replied smugly, tilting his head awkwardly to initiate a loving kiss.

"Mm" Erin hummed against his lips, feeling more relaxed than she had in the last twenty-four hours. "I'm sorry that I ruined everything when we were just getting back to normal" She apologised as they parted. "I always wanted to live our whole life together without going to bed angry. I wasn't even angry at you…"

"Shh, just let me love you" Kelly requested, actions contradicting his words when he kissed her eyelids, eyelashes fluttering against his lips at the unexpected contact. He let his lips graze the tip of her nose before pressing them to her mouth for a series of hungry kisses that left them both breathless.

A moment later, as they caught their breath, he lifted her caringly and laid her back on the couch. Supporting himself on his elbows Kelly hovered over her, delivering kiss after kiss until her lips tingled and she'd forgotten everything else. Erin kept her eyes closed, absorbing everything without one of her most dominant senses changed the experience completely, it certainly felt more loving.

After a particularly searing collision of lips and tongues Kelly shifted, taking in her blissful expression as he transferred his weight to his forearms. With his hands free he could trace the skin where her pyjama top had ridden up, pushing it further and allowing his fingertips to explore her hot skin. Erin found herself thinking that people who said men couldn't multitask clearly hadn't met her husband, he was perfectly capable of using his hands and mouth simultaneously.

When Kelly finally finished admiring the upturned corners of her mouth, her dimples and pink flushed cheeks he set about kissing every inch of exposed skin he could find. Beginning with her lips before following her jawline to hollow just below her ear, she shuddered beneath him as he sucked and nipped. Delighting in the scent that was distinctly her, soap and sweat combining, as he nuzzled at her neck.

Erin's hands found his biceps as he withdrew a hand from her shirt in order to pull the V-neck aside and expose a breast. The fabric gave easily, designed to do so to facilitate nursing, but he slid the straps off her shoulders and nipped at her trapezius as well. Kelly continued to work the top down until it was bunched at her waist, lavishing attention on her bare chest. With her head tossing from side to side and her breathing noticeably laboured he knew his actions were having the desired effect.

Hooking a leg around his she attempted to grind herself against his hipbone, groaning loudly when he abandoned what he was doing and sat back on his knees. Unsure what her husband was doing Erin opened her eyes, she instantly remembered where she was and brought her arm up to cover herself, suddenly anxious their family would chose that moment to return. Kelly's eyes focused and his brow furrowed before he pulled her arm away, kissing down the inside of her arm and haphazardly across her body.

With his chin at her navel he stopped to look up at her, she didn't need to hear words to know what he was asking and she promptly gave a single nod. Letting her head fall back against the couch and closing her eyes again whilst also eagerly lifting her hips to allow him to remove her pants. Kelly continued to kiss and touch all the right places as she squirmed and panted beneath him. Still fearful of being interrupted Erin desperately sought release, digging her hands into the gaps between the couch cushions to stop herself taking matters into her own hands.

Kelly chuckled when he realised what she was doing, nipping at her hipbone before tracing his fingertips up the insides of her thighs. An orgasm tore through her the moment he touched her most sensitive flesh, bucking and moaning she thrashed about, completely out of control. He didn't stop to admire his handiwork, undoing his pants and sliding straight into her moist heat before he too lost it. Erin was just coming down when he began to thrust into her, pressing open-mouthed kisses to her neck and shoulder as he found a rhythm. She pulled his shirt aside and massaged his lower back until he stopped moving, shuddering just as much as she had until his arms gave way.

They were still for a moment, Kelly, realising his wife likely couldn't breathe, shifted before she had to push him off. Rolled onto their sides facing each other, Kelly pressed against the back of the couch holding his wife away from the edge, they exchanged slow, sloppy kisses. "I don't regret talking but there are definitely better ways we could have used our time" Erin confessed, listening out for the sound of a car in the driveway that would force them to get up.

* * *

**I never love the dialogue I write 100% but I hope the ending makes up for any unrealistic awkwardness…**

** Sorry I didn't put an M rating warning at the start, I didn't want to ruin the surprise. If that's an issue for anyone please leave a review to let me know and I won't do it again. It's just hard to build tension if you know before you start reading that they kiss and make up at the end. **

**Thanks for reading everyone!**

**I don't plan to write any of Nadia and Chase's time with Shay and Emmy at the indoor trampoline center unless there's huge demand for it. I just don't have any inspiration to write it and so it would probably take ages if I did force myself... It's up to you guys though, leave any thoughts in a review and I'll do my best. **


	240. Chapter 240

**Hey guys! I have had a lot going on in my life so I can't really apologise for the long wait. The most important thing is that I am so much happier now and I really hope this chapter can bring you a little happiness too. It has been a while so you might want to reread the last few chapters (I had to before writing this today). Enjoy :D **

"I thought that was what this was going to be about" Kelly commented as he stepped out of the shower and caught his wife eying herself in the bathroom mirror. She had been bent over drying her hair, a sight he had thoroughly enjoyed, but she'd noticed him looking and dropped the towel in surprise. In the process of picking it up her eyes had been drawn to movement in the mirror, gazing at her naked form expressionlessly. Kelly had transitioned from disappointed at the way she had turned away to concerned that she was looking so critically at herself.

"Hm?" Erin questioned, not having heard or understood him since she had been concentrating so heavily on her reflection.

"I thought you were upset that people thought you looked pregnant" He clarified cautiously, wrapping his towel around his waist without drying himself, dripping as he crossed the tile floor to stand behind her.

"No" She dismissed instantly, there was something in her eyes as she hastily pulled the fluffy fabric around herself that told him she had been thinking it, if only briefly. "No I don't" She provided more firmly, looking determinedly into her own eyes though the mirror.

"No you don't" He confirmed with a nod, placing a hand over hers and relaxing her grip on the towel such that it fell away.

"I look good" Erin added, giving a small smile and making eye contact with her husband. Kelly knew she was seeking his approval, nodding and providing positive reinforcement in the form of a light kiss to her shoulder.

"Absolutely gorgeous" He agreed, breaking eye contact such that his eyes could roam her reflection. Her skin prickled under his gaze, spreading heat through her body. "So why'd you go for a run?" He asked softly, lips almost touching her ear, he didn't want it to sound accusatory but was genuinely curious to know if the two things were linked.

"Uh...Well I… Because" She stammered uselessly, blood momentarily replaced with ice water she looked very much like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. She hadn't put a lot of thought into it at the time, it wasn't until afterwards that she realised he knew her well enough to make that connection.

"I think you're more beautiful every time I look at you" He complimented, voice low and soothing, eyes communicating through the mirror that he was simply curious. He followed her gaze, his hand coming to rest over her stomach, softly rounded where she had once been flat and toned. Beautiful.

"Thank you" Erin accepted with the beginnings of a smile on her face. "And I do think I look good" She reiterated, suddenly becoming serious again as she sensed something deeper in his expression. "Considering" She muttered barely audibly as she looked away from the mirror and down at his hand. Kelly had to take a deep breath and remind himself that he was doing his best. "Don't look at me like that" She requested when she looked up into his sad blue eyes. "I'm sorry that I'm insecure about something as shallow as my appearance but you know that's because of the way I was raised…"

"Babe, I do know. And I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so harsh" He apologised, he was doing his best to understand while keen to put the issue to rest. He felt like they had done this a hundred times and it never stuck for very long. "You've come so far and I love that. You could shave your hair or dye it green and I'd still think you're the most beautiful woman in the world, inside and out" He said, trying to make a point. There was more to beauty than outward appearance, though she truly was stunning.

"I like green" Erin mumbled instead of acknowledging what he was really saying.

"You know what I mean" Kelly replied, unamused.

"I do" She confirmed with a nod. "And I don't want to change the way I look. You were right this morning, I shouldn't care what other people think. But–"

"But?" He interjected, frustration returning to his eyes.

"But I just…I want to feel strong again" She confessed slowly, expression uncertain as she awaited his response.

"For work?" Kelly questioned, careful to keep his voice free of judgement.

"For me" She assured. It was a conclusion she'd come to after her run when she'd felt utterly exhausted but also strangely powerful.

"Okay" He accepted readily. "We can work on that together."

"When? We should be spending our time with Shay and Emmy" She reminded, conflicted by her desire to do both.

"We can't spend every minute with them. Babe don't worry, we'll fit it in somewhere" He comforted, rubbing his hands up and down her arms. Kelly was confident they would figure something out if it was going to make her feel better about herself.

"I really didn't mean to hide it from you, going for a run. I just needed to clear my head" Erin admitted out of the blue a few moments later.

"Did it work?" He asked after clearing his throat, voice still a little husky. Her guilty conscience had triggered a similar response in him since he had been admiring her body while she was preoccupied gazing into her own eyes.

"Yeah a bit, turns out talking to you is a lot more effective" She expressed with a soft chuckle, trying to turn and face him but stopped by his hands gripping her hips.

"I'm glad we talked" Kelly wanted to reinforce before they broke from the wonderfully raw state they were in; nude and partially nude, comfortably close, saying what they truly thought and felt, words punctuated by strange direct-indirect eye contact thanks to the magic of mirrors.

"Me too" Erin agreed, the smile returning to her face in full force.

"I liked the part that came after the talking best though" He whispered in her ear, feeling her shudder through his thumbs as he rubbed them across her lower back.

"Hhmm" She acknowledged before a scoff of laughter escaped her, it was the type of playful comment she was used to from him. Erin tried to play off the shudder as being cold, which she only then realised she actually was, but Kelly continued to massage at her back and hips.

Erin could feel the heat radiating from his body and gave in to the urge, melting back against him and stilling his hands in the process. After wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close he let one hand drift upwards, cupping her left breast and squeezing softly.

"We could start with some cardio" He suggested, just in case she hadn't yet worked out what he was doing.

"We just had a shower…" She put forward, knowing it was a weak excuse but also concerned that they'd hear the front door opening any second.

"So?" He breathed into her ear, nipping at her ear lobe briefly before kissing the hollow beneath.

"I love you" Erin sighed in defeat, tipping her head back to rest against his shoulder and giving him better access. A moment later a groan emanated from deep in her throat as his hands began to knead in time with his mouth. Erin found herself reaching up to hold the back of his neck, supporting herself somewhat while her fingertips played with the short sensitive hair there.

"I love you too beautiful" Kelly managed as he caught his breath, keeping one hand at her breast while the other trailed down soft skin to the junction of her thighs. Erin tried to stifle a squeal but a few surprised notes still reached his ears as she reacted to the touch, arching her spine and pressing herself back against him.

It was then she felt his arousal, hot and hard against her even through his towel, her heartrate increased wildly as she was struck by the effect she was having on him, finally silencing the negative voice in her head. From that moment on she really couldn't care less what other people thought of her when her husband was so obviously attracted.

Erin grabbed at his wrist, using it to pull herself around, spinning on the spot to face him and immediately rising up onto her tiptoes to kiss him hard. His hands found her waist while hers held his face, alternating between kissing and breathing heavily whilst resting their foreheads together.

She could feel her lips bruising with the ferocity of the exchange and suspected he was feeling the same thing but neither cared. After several minutes Erin risked a glance at the mirror, certain they would be glowing white hot with the heat radiating between them.

But for slight flushing and a sheen that was a mixture of perspiration and shower water they looked only a little more dishevelled than usual. The only distinct difference in their appearances was her still mostly wet hair, hanging in tendrils that framed her face.

The moment's reprieve ended when Kelly found her smouldering gaze directly, the mirror forgotten as he lost himself in her. His hands were everywhere, first his fingers combed through her damp hair and massaged at her scalp then they were at her breasts, waist, gripping her hands. Everywhere.

Erin was regularly sucking in gasps of air but felt like she was drowning in him, his love, utter bliss. The way his muscles were twitching and rippling beneath his moist, tanned skin fascinated her. Erin tracked each sensation from its origin in his torso to the point of contact; energy flowing through him and into her until she was positively buzzing with it.

Overstimulated, full to bursting of his love and energy, Erin feared her heart was about to explode. Seizing his hands she grasped them tightly, using their strength to steady herself before planting them at her waist. Kelly laughed as his wife tried to catch her breath but was stunned to silence when his attempt to move his hands was swiftly ended, fingernails digging in as they were placed straight back.

It took a minute of deep breathing and concentrated effort but soon Erin had recovered enough cognitive function to want to redistribute the energy. Kelly groaned outright as she looked up at him wickedly, knowing that the tables had turned. The feather light brush of her fingertip across his nipple sent a jolt of electricity through him, he wasn't sure how much of her sweet torture he could withstand.

Erin's hand grasped almost roughly at her husband's jaw, tipping his head back she drew her lips along his jawline. She pressed firmly for a kiss that had his fingers twitching with anticipation, both pleased and disappointed that his hands remained at her waist. Teasing with soft caresses, firm kisses and the occasional use of teeth Erin was only just getting started.

Kelly moaned and his hips lurched involuntarily while Erin smiled smugly, her new strategy was far more effective. With a single finger she was making him fight to stay in control, tracing the water droplets on his chest and sending them on their way down his abdomen. Each droplet left a sparkling trail, easily evaporated by her warm breath, every blow eliciting a tingle or shiver.

Instead of reaching a balance the scales had tipped the opposite way, Kelly barely able to contain the electricity her touch sparked. When he couldn't bear it a single second longer he lifted her from the waist, carrying her to the bathroom vanity and setting her down. He rapidly nudged his wife's legs apart and stepped in closer, panting heavily as he reached down between them to untuck his towel.

Anticipation had overtaken everything else in Erin's mind, squirming with impatience as he fumbled with the final fabric barrier. At first she thought he was intentionally taking his time but when a groan resonated from his chest she looked down. His hands were shaking so badly it was no surprise he was struggling.

"Hey" She began soothingly, taking his hands and suppressing their movement in her firm hold. "I'm sorry" She apologised softly, looking from their intertwined hands up to his face, his forehead creased in frustration.

"Ss-sorry?!" Kelly stuttered, immediately assuming she was rejecting him.

"For teasing" Erin clarified patiently, he sighed with relief but his gaze still dropped with embarrassment. She'd known that it had taken everything he had to delay for as long as he did while she had had her bordering-on-cruel fun. "Look at me" She requested when his frown deepened, her hands visibly shaking with their effort to contain his.

It took a moment for him to comply but when he did he could see the love in her eyes, desire and anticipation still simmering behind a hint of concern. "You're so beautiful" He told her in a whisper, pulling his dominant hand free he shook it a few times to dissipate the abundance of energy before stroking her cheek. "And strong" He added because even if she didn't think so she was the strongest person he knew, not in a physical sense but in everything else.

"I love you so much" She said, smiling broadly, content.

"I love you too, always" He returned, sealing the sentiment by placing a light kiss on her lips. Lost in each other they stood motionless as time passed them by, staring into eyes and souls. Kelly trembled again only when his wife's hand drifted from above his heart to the bulge where the corner of the towel was tucked.

Erin was curious to find out how long they could maintain eye contact, drifting in and out of the magical shared state they'd discovered on their anniversary. The towel fell away but neither dared break the connection; even when Kelly delivered a slow and passionate kiss their eyes closed only for the beat of a blink. More kisses were exchanged as their hands wandered but their eyes remained fixed.

It was Erin's eyelids that fluttered first but her husband's squeezed shut a second later, a gasp from her followed by groan from him as they were finally united. They fit together so perfectly that she was momentarily overwhelmed by the fullness, letting her head rest against his chest as she inhaled deeply.

His strong hand grasped at her chin with such gentleness, angling her face so he could cover her mouth with his as he used the other hand at the small of her back to pull them together. Their lips parted and eye contact resumed before he began to move, starting with a steady rhythm. Within seconds they were moving together, as one.

She produced none of her usual sounds and he didn't either, their laboured breaths and the sounds of their bodies the only auditory stimulus produced. He was reading the pleasure in her eyes and so hardly noticed the lack of her normal cues. The intensity of her gaze grew and then wavered as her pupils dilated and her eyes became glassy.

She hadn't been able to fight the urge to close her eyes when he had first entered her but with his final thrust she forced them open. They shuddered against each other through powerful orgasms, physical responses second to the twinkle they discovered in each other's eyes. Love.

They came down slowly but not reluctantly, her eyes streaming while he saw stars due to the extended exposure. Erin swiped the tears from her cheeks before Kelly pulled her into a tight hug, the kind that told her he never wanted to let go. She didn't want him to, she needed his strength and certainty.

That morning was only a tiny portion of the time they had spent together but they had learned so much about each other in it that it felt far longer.

* * *

**This chapter doesn't fit as seamlessly with the last but it has been a while and I wanted to take things slow before I get into writing my new and much improved plan… Big things coming soon so keep an eye out for the next chapter! **

**Thank you for reading, I'd love to hear your thoughts :D**


	241. Chapter 241

"I brought you some…" Kelly trailed off when he entered their bedroom, quickly retracting the glass of water he had been holding out for his wife when he saw that she had her phone pressed to her ear. "Who is it?" He mouthed when he caught her eye.

"I missed a call from Chase and now he's not answering" She explained, lowering the phone instead of leaving a message after the beep as instructed by Chase's electronically distorted but still cheerful voice.

"Oh" Kelly acknowledged, holding the glass of water to the side as he stepped in, kissing the top of her head and holding her in a loose one armed hug. "I'm sure it wasn't anything too important. And they should be back soon anyway" He comforted softly, sensing her unease.

"They should be back already" She muttered, resting her forehead against his chest for a moment before pushing away from him.

"Maybe that's why he called, because they're running late" Kelly suggested hopefully, gently extracting the phone from her hand and replacing it with the glass of water.

"Mm, maybe" She allowed somewhat sceptically, she didn't want to always think the worst but sometimes she couldn't help it.

Erin was just bringing the glass of water up to her lips, planning to take a quick sip before seizing her phone back and dialling again, when her phone began to buzz in Kelly's hand. He looked down at the device for a moment, stunned, then out of habit answered. "Hello?"

"_Kelly?_" A voice that definitely wasn't Chase replied.

"Nadia? Just a sec, Erin's right here" Kelly informed, surprised that Chase hadn't answered and conscious of his wife's intent look he quickly passed the phone to her.

"Hello?" Erin asked, more to confirm that she had the phone than anything else since she already knew it was Nadia.

"_Hey. Sorry, I just missed your call_" Nadia apologised.

"That's fine" She assured, not bothering to ask why Nadia had Chase's phone.

"_Chase is jumping with Shay, they're having so much fun_" Nadia explained as if she had read the other woman's mind.

"Good, that's good. Do you know why he was trying to call me?" Erin questioned, relieved to know that Shay and Chase were alright, not that she was really sure why they wouldn't have been.

"_Uh. There's a café here and Shay kept saying she was hungry so we had lunch and then the next session was half price… We just wanted to let you know we wouldn't be back for lunch, in case you were cooking or something. Sorry_" She apologised again, not sure if her boyfriend had meant to tell his parents that they had eaten or that they were staying for longer.

"What about Emmy? I need to feed her" Erin enquired, concerned for her baby daughter she wasn't going to dismiss the apology as quickly as she had the first.

"_We gave her some banana, she fell asleep sucking on it_" Nadia said.

"How much longer do you think you'll be?"

"_Well the session goes for another twenty minutes or so and then there's a ball pit and slide they wanted to play on… And it's a half hour drive so maybe an hour and a half? Is that okay?_" Nadia asked uncertainly.

"Yeah I guess" Erin accepted somewhat reluctantly, "as long as Emmy isn't hungry."

"_She's sound asleep_" Nadia assured, her tone indicating she was close to the baby.

"Alright. Can you, or Chase, text me when you're leaving?" She requested, even though she wasn't entirely sure what she would be doing with that information.

"_Sure_" Nadia confirmed.

"Thanks."

"_Bye then_" Nadia farewelled, the silence on the other end of the line suggesting Erin didn't have anything further to say.

"Bye" Erin returned, keeping the phone at her ear until the low beep signalled that Nadia had hung up.

"Everything okay?" Kelly posed as his wife tossed the phone onto the bed.

"Yeah, they're having too much fun to come home quite yet. Which means we have another hour and a half to ourselves" She explained, relieved to know that everything was alright and that they could continue their alone time a little longer.

"Ooh" He hummed, eyes twinkling playfully.

"Got any ideas-"

"Plenty" Kelly replied confidently, cutting her off before she could finish the question.

"-for lunch? You just volunteered" She announced before laughing victoriously.

"Babe" He grumbled, not all that opposed to the idea since he hadn't eaten since breakfast.

"I'm hungry" She justified simply. Kelly narrowed his eyes and looked her over carefully; of late his wife had rarely been truly hungry, acting as if eating were a chore. Erin smiled then rose up onto her tiptoes to kiss his cheek before giving him a questioning look.

"What would my gorgeous wife like to eat today?" Kelly asked, wrapping his arm around her waist and guiding her out of their bedroom.

* * *

"Shay is so sassy" Kelly chuckled, picturing his fiery daughter's role in the scenario his wife was describing.

"She wasn't though, that bitch was just on some sort of crazy yoga power-trip" Erin defended, Shay certainly hadn't said anything to provoke such an extreme response, especially from an adult who should have known better. The whole situation had been unbelievable and Erin had never had the chance to tell her husband exactly how they had been kicked out of yoga class. Without any little ears around Erin could say what she thought and convey just how ridiculous it had been.

"Well you don't need yoga anyway" Kelly assured, "we'll fit in some real exercise don't you worry."

"Real exercise? You have yoga to thank for this" She informed, gesturing at herself after feigning offence.

"You were surprisingly flexible in the shower" Kelly admitted with a smirk, remembering their morning fondly.

"Yoga" She concluded encouragingly, trying to change his opinion if only because she too had been critical of it before she had tried it.

"We might be able to incorporate some yoga" He told her, as if he had suddenly been converted. "Preferably without clothes and in our bed" He added after a second's hesitation, his wife was making the most of being able to curse but he was quite enjoying being bold and suggestive.

"I'm not sure I like this 'personal trainer' side of yours" Erin teased, slightly concerned that her husband's methods for getting fit would involve a lot of time in their bedroom.

"You know it would be good" Kelly challenged, voice low and serious, just asking her to disagree.

"I'm not arguing that" She allowed, reaching across to run a finger across the back of his hand. "I just think there are some other workout options, different muscle groups" She mentioned, thankful for the light and fun atmosphere they had created by getting everything out in the open that morning.

"Leave that to me. We're supposed to be scheduling, you suck at this" He criticised light-heartedly, flicking the whiteboard marker across the table to her.

"Well it's a little hard to schedule when I have nothing planned. I'll make some phone calls tomorrow and figure out activities for the girls. We still go to the library on Fridays but other than that we've been out of whack since you got whacked" Erin informed looking up at him with a thankful smile when she finished writing the word 'Library' neatly at the top of the 'Friday' column. She had bought the weekly planner ages ago but had never put it to use, instead writing on their calendar until there were so many things in tiny boxes that it became impossible to use.

"Through a window" Kelly added, trying to make it a joke but rapidly filled again with the same sickening feeling he had when he realised he had been impaled.

"Too soon" She provided softly, seeing the change in his body language and reaching across to grip his hand in support. They had talked enough that morning and she really wasn't ready to delve into the emotions his most recent work accident had triggered, she sensed he wasn't either.

"What are you doing tomorrow then?" He changed the subject entirely, looking at the blank 'Monday' column.

"Not yoga!" Erin joked, getting a chuckle from her husband, their scheduling discussion had now gone full circle. "I don't know, we could visit you at work" She suggested, hanging out at the firehouse was the only way to spend time as a family on days he worked. It made her life easier too, their daughters were always happier and better behaved when he was around.

"I love it when you do that" Kelly agreed, knowing it took some organisation to get the girls and everything they needed for a day packed into the car. Regardless he took the marker from the table and wrote in 'Visit 51'.

"I didn't really mean for us to schedule things like that" Erin explained, wanting to keep some semblance of spontaneity and not live with every minute pre-planned. "We don't have to do this today, I just think it will help us get back into our rhythm, having a schedule we can all keep track of" She continued, taking the mostly blank schedule through to the kitchen. She peeled off the backing paper and adhered it to the fridge, above the whiteboard where they left messages for each other or wrote shopping lists.

"A rhythm huh?" He posed as he came up behind her, sliding his thumbs up under the hem of her shirt to hold her waist. It was a perfectly innocent word but for the frame of mind he was in.

"Mhm" She nodded, relaxing back against him, willing to see how far he would go since she knew they had plenty of time.

"Hmm" He murmured as he nuzzled at her neck, placing a single soft kiss on her ear lobe before whispering into it. "Wanna go for a run?"

The question was unexpected yet it only took her a moment to answer. "Yeah, let's do it" She enthused, pulling away from him and getting a head start.

Their hearts were racing by the time they made it back downstairs after getting dressed, both warmed up by the process of removing and replacing each other's clothing and resisting the urge to get carried away. They stretched on the front steps briefly, exchanging hot kisses whenever they got too close, and then proceeded to set off at a jog side by side, in stride, synchronised.

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**Sorry that I didn't get around to the family time I promised, next chapter for sure. **


	242. Chapter 242

**It took me a few tries to write Shay again after so long (sorry again - life is hectic at present) and I hope you enjoy this much anticipated family time! **

"You look how I feel" Chase commented as he climbed out of the car, legs clearly aching from the exertion of jumping about on a trampoline for two hours and chasing after Shay the rest of the time they'd been out.

Erin and Kelly were lounged on the front stairs, still breathing heavily and red in the face, running shoes and socks tossed haphazardly having been removed as they had tried to cool down after their run. They hadn't gone too far, just a circuit around half a dozen blocks, but competitiveness meant that neither had dared slow down the entire time.

"Mama! Daddy!" Shay greeted shrilly as soon as Chase opened the car door, the toddler already had her seatbelt undone and just needed some help getting out of the car.

"Hey Princess, did you have fun?" Erin asked as the toddler came running towards them at high speed. Chase was hobbling along behind Shay and Nadia was still getting Ember and the diaper bag out of the car.

"Yessss. I so bounce-y!" Shay answered energetically, jumping up and down on the spot as if she were still on a trampoline.

"Wow, you are very bouncy" Kelly agreed, waiting until the toddler took her next jump to lift her up into the air. Shay began to giggle almost immediately and so Kelly made a game out of lifting and lowering her as if she were still on a trampoline. Giving his wife a sideways glance after lifting the toddler for the third time, evidencing that they could fit exercise in without taking time away from their daughters.

"Bounce-y bounce!" Shay sang as her father continued to provide springy jumping motions, arm muscles contracting and relaxing steadily.

"Not as fit as you thought you were huh?" Erin challenged Chase as he flopped down onto the stairs next to her. She knew she wasn't looking great after their run but Chase was supposed to be young, fit and healthy.

"Ten minutes on a trampoline is equivalent to running for half an hour" He spouted as if it was the indoor trampoline centre's slogan, which when Erin thought about it, it probably was. "I just did two hours!" Chase concluded, feeling he had adequately justified his exhaustion.

"Nadia said you were having fun" She challenged, wondering why Chase had agreed to a jump for a second hour long session if one was equal to a three hour run. She was also more than a little concerned for her two year old daughter, Shay had plenty of energy but that much exercise at once couldn't be healthy.

"Well it was fun until we stopped. The ground is surprisingly hard" He explained, pulling a face that told her he knew it wasn't a highly sophisticated concept to grasp.

"I suppose it is" She agreed with a chuckle and a nod, understanding that after an hour on a trampoline the ground would feel particularly unforgiving.

"I'm not complaining really, we had a great time" Chase assured quickly when he realised that she could easily take what he was saying the wrong way.

"Good" Erin approved, gripping his shoulder and giving him a smile before Ember's cries caught her attention. "Aw, did you miss me bubba?" She cooed as she peeled herself up off the stairs, reaching for the baby as Nadia approached.

"She needs-" Nadia began, pausing momentarily as she concentrated on depositing the squirming infant into Erin's outstretched arms.

"Smelly girl, let's go get you cleaned up" Erin told Ember as she nonverbally acknowledged Nadia, thanking her for taking care of the baby since Chase had obviously been occupied with Shay. She assumed that Nadia had been trying to tell her about Ember's dirty diaper and so turned away without giving the young woman a chance to finish speaking.

"I can do it babe" Kelly volunteered as his wife passed him on the stairs, giving Shay an apologetic smile as he set her down and moved to get up.

"I need to get changed so I can feed her anyway" Erin dismissed, stopping just long enough to press a kiss to the top of his head for being kind enough to offer. It was strange to feel his soft, short hair against her lips like that, their height difference meaning he was always the one kissing her hair.

"Okay, we'll just…head in" He called after her, response delayed by the time it took him to override the warm-all-over feeling her kiss created.

"Mm-kay" She replied faintly from what he assumed was just inside the front door.

Kelly stood for a moment, unmoving, before catching Nadia's eye and trading an awkward smile. Motivated he bent and collected up two pairs of shoes and socks, offering Shay his little finger so he could guide her up the front stairs and inside. It wasn't until he was stowing the shoes in the shoe rack that Shay found her voice.

"Daddy, guess what I eated?" The two year old questioned excitedly, tugging at the grey fabric of his shorts. Before he had a chance to reply the answer burst out of her with great enthusiasm, "flies!"

"Flies?" He asked, pulling a face and shaking his head a little because he suspected she had used the wrong word.

"Fries" Nadia provided as she hung up the diaper bag on its hook. "She just wanted fries and the egg from my salad" She elaborated.

"Sounds good" Kelly approved, it wasn't a regular occurrence and so he didn't mind the toddler eating for enjoyment rather than nutrition every now and then.

"I tried to get her to eat some of the salad but she didn't want it" Nadia shrugged, expecting he knew how difficult it was to get the two year old to eat something when she didn't want to.

"She liked the tomato" Chase contributed with a lopsided smirk as they made it through to the lounge room.

"Yeah… she chewed it up, spat it out and dipped her fries in it since we didn't get sauce" Nadia detailed for Kelly, unable to hold her smile because it had been simultaneously disgusting, genius and adorable.

"Nice one kiddo" Kelly congratulated while he had the chance, knowing his wife would never allow such behaviour.

"Daddy I draws you me lunches?" Shay asked, digging some crayons out of her toy box.

"Yeah, draw me what you ate for lunch" He encouraged, leaving the room for a moment and returning with a blank sheet of paper. He set the paper down on the coffee table then placed two cushions for her to sit on and went to help her find more crayons.

When Shay was happily scribbling away Kelly took a seat behind her on the couch and looked across to Chase and Nadia who had been talking quietly to each other.

"You should come next time" Chase recommended, though he couldn't quite picture Kelly bouncing around on a trampoline.

"Mmm" Kelly shrugged, as much he liked family outings he didn't want to get involved in an activity and lose potential alone time with his wife. He didn't expect they would go all that often but it was a great activity to get them out of the house. "I used a trampoline in a rescue once" He shared, worried he had been quietly contemplating for too long.

"How?" Chase questioned curiously, always keen to learn about past rescues just in case he ever found himself in a similar situation.

"Well four teenaged boys decided they were going to make a flame thrower out of a butane bottle one Sunday afternoon…" Kelly began, waiting for Chase's expression to change before continuing. "That lit the place up pretty quick so they evacuated themselves out onto the balcony. Another thing they had made themselves" He informed, allowing the tension to build like an experienced storyteller.

"Anyway we arrive to find them crammed on a tiny third floor balcony, right? It's about to go any second and there's fire coming at them out the bedroom door. There's absolutely no time for us to get up to them past the fire and it's too narrow a space to get Truck's aerial in. We grabbed the trampoline from the backyard and got them to jump for it. Last one busted his knee but we got them all down and out of the way before it collapsed completely" Kelly finished proudly. If he recalled correctly using the trampoline had been Capp's idea but he wasn't going to name names and lose the kid's admiration.

"Such a hero" Erin praise lightly as she sat down next to her husband and immediately set about feeding Ember. The baby had settled as soon as her diaper had been changed but like always she began to nurse furiously.

"Mama! Flies!" Shay announced excitedly, spinning around and nearly falling off her cushion seat as she thrust her drawing at her mother.

"Oh… uh-huh" She verbalised as she steadied the picture and then tried to discern anything that resembled tiny insects.

"She means fries" Kelly whispered, reaching across to run his finger up and down the jagged yellow shapes.

"Fries?" Erin asked, looking from her husband to her daughter as she tried to work out where Shay had learned the new word and associated food item.

"Lunches" Shay answered simply, shaking her drawing a little since it was a visual representation of her lunch.

"Have you've had lunch Shay?" Erin questioned then despite already knowing the answer.

"Yep" The two year old replied with a nod.

"Good girl" She commended before beginning to steer the conversation. "What comes after lunch time?"

"Um…Sat-day" Shay stated, giving her mother a crooked smile even though she recognised her answer didn't fit the question.

"No silly" Erin denied, pulling a face playfully to keep the mood light. She knew the toddler wasn't going to like what she said next. "It's rest time."

"No" Shay opposed immediately, dropping her drawing as she recoiled rapidly, frowning severely.

"Yes, you've had a busy morning and you need a little sleep now so we can play some more this afternoon" She argued, trying to appeal to Shay's logic by justifying her request.

"No! I not sleepsy!" Shay protested loudly, folding her arms across her chest defiantly.

"Shh, Shay. We're all tired" She tried to reason, feeling as if she shouldn't have bothered to explain herself to the toddler since Shay clearly thought that meant she got to have an opinion on the matter.

"Nadia and I are going to go have a nap" Chase contributed, hoping that like in everything else his little sister would want to copy him.

"I no ty-id" Shay whined, evidencing just the opposite. The adults in the room exchanged a series of looks, Erin would normally deal with the situation by carrying Shay up to her room and tucking her into bed with a book but she had her hands full feeding Ember and hoped one of the others would take over. Nobody seemed keen to act until a moment later they all witnessed the two year old fighting to suppress a yawn. Chase and Kelly both shifted forward in their seats at that, readying themselves to act.

"Well you can go read a book in your bed instead if you would like" Erin prompted, knowing the toddler could still throw a tantrum if not sufficiently enticed.

"Hmph" Shay grumbled, pouting as she crawled towards the doorway. "Daddy… I no ty-id" She appealed finally, hoping that her father's lack of involvement meant he was on her side.

"I'll take you up and help you choose a book" Kelly enthused as he stood up.

"This one!" Shay shrieked, crawling faster to escape as he approached then seizing a DVD from the television cabinet and holding it out at him as if it were some sort of deterrent and he a monster.

"That's not a book" He told her, his expression asking her to calm down and accept that she needed a rest.

"Mama I rests moobie" Shay pled, turning her big blue eyes and pout to her mother along with the DVD she was clutching desperately.

"Shay, will you lie down and stop fussing if we watch a movie?" Erin asked, tone suggesting it was a rare privilege and not something they would be doing regularly.

"Umkay" The toddler accepted, a little uncertain because it was exactly what she wanted. She knew she was tired and after jumping about all morning would mind a rest, she just didn't want to be left out of anything fun by being in her bedroom. "Pleeeease" Shay added when she noticed her mother shaking her head at her father.

"Alright, but not that one. Choose a movie we haven't watched in a while" Erin requested, more or less ignoring her husband. It was too late to change her mind and she doubted that Shay watching a movie instead of reading a book until she fell asleep would do any real developmental damage.

"Or I could see what's on Netflix, we were just going to watch a movie anyway. I can plug my laptop into the TV and we can watch a new movie" Chase suggested, talking to Shay but awaiting approval from Erin.

"Do you want to watch a movie you haven't seen before Shay?" Nadia posed encouragingly, translating her boyfriend's statement for the two year old since she knew getting Shay's approval would have more of an influence on the eventual outcome.

"Yeah" Shay agreed softly, still unsure.

"Okay" Erin granted, gesturing for Chase to go ahead and get everything set up. "Shay, go to the toilet and then after you've washed your hands get Roary and your pillow and bring them down here for the movie" She listed, confident the two and a half year old would be able to remember the instructions.

"Yes Mama" Shay accepted compliantly and no more than two minutes later she toddled into the room, Roary held in one hand and her pillow and Blaze fleece blanket dragging along behind her. Kelly scooped up the clearly drowsy toddler and wrapped her in the blanket before propping her up on his lap with her pillow against the arm of the couch.

Shay, Ember and Chase were all fast asleep within ten minutes of the movie starting but Kelly, Erin and Nadia continued to watch regardless, each enjoying the opportunity to cuddle with the people they loved most and the simple but entertaining plot of the movie.

**Thank you for reading :D**


	243. Chapter 243

Kelly wasn't ordinarily one to believe in magic but there was definitely something special about Sunday afternoons, or at least that Sunday afternoon. Holding his precious little girls, one cradled in each arm, both sound asleep, all three warmed by the last golden rays of sunshine streaming through the lounge room window. Time had slowed and he was consumed by a need to be present, committing every second to memory, the week ahead, beginning with his shift that evening, looming over them.

His wife had transferred their youngest to him only moments earlier, heading upstairs to the bathroom and then bypassing the lounge room when she came back down. The occasional clatter or thud suggested she was doing something in the kitchen, though he wasn't sure what. His eyes and mind remained focused on Ember, taking in her delicate eyelashes, perfect pouting ruby red lips and full cheeks. He knew Shay had been that size once, or twice really depending on if she was measured by length or weight.

They were very different babies but he honestly didn't have a preference, with Shay everything had been a first and there was often an element of fear or uncertainty in his memories of her. Having Ember meant doing it all again, making new mistakes, savouring each moment, appreciating everything while it lasted but knowing what was to come. Just in the last week Ember had changed so much, trying new foods and becoming more expressive with every passing day. By the time Ember was two Shay would be nearing her first day of school, it was a long way off but Kelly knew it would feel like the blink of an eye by the time they got there.

As long as he remembered moments like that one he would be happy, he worried though that they would be overwritten by bigger events, good or bad. Before Kelly could fall any deeper into his thoughts, memories, hopes and dreams his wife returned, bearing a serving plate laden with snacks. A colourful array of celery, carrot and capsicum sticks surrounded the plate with salted crackers and a tub of hummus in the middle. Erin set the plate down on the coffee table and selected a carrot stick for herself, dipping and then crunching away as she slid back in beside him.

"Happy?" She posed, though she was actually asking him if he wanted her to take Ember back.

"Very" He assured, leaning down to kiss Ember's cheek before turning the other way and kissing Shay's as well. "Now that you're here too" He added, straightening and then tipping his head to rest against hers. If he'd had an arm free he would have wrapped it around her shoulders and pulled her tight, instead he settled for thinking it while looking into her eyes.

A smile blossomed on her face as she swallowed, offering the end of the carrot stick to him instead of finishing it herself. He nodded to accept so she fed the inch long piece into his mouth, wondering as she did it if he had wanted her to dip it again first. When she leant forward again she selected a piece of celery, dipped it in the hummus and then turned and offered it to her husband first.

Kelly could hardly chew he was smiling so broadly, grateful for her considerateness but also for her presence and the ability to spend time with the three people his life revolved around. They were his sun, moon and stars, his entire universe right there on the couch. "Thank you" He murmured when he'd finished eating, being careful not to disturb their sleeping daughters as he twisted and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"It's so peaceful when they're asleep" She replied, looking at him with tired eyes but a content smile. She muffled a yawn before turning towards him more, laying her head against his shoulder and sliding her arm along his to help support Ember.

"Mhm" He agreed softly, wondering if she was going to doze off as well. As much as he wouldn't mind going back to admiring sleeping faces he was enjoying her company on a whole new level. He loved that they had talked that morning, properly. He felt like he finally understood what she was thinking and feeling, that there was nothing more that needed to be said between them.

"Sometimes it's hard to believe we made them" Kelly mused, not really expecting a response from his wife. She shifted slightly though, tipping her head up to look at him questioningly. "You made them" He corrected, knowing far more had been required from her than him.

Erin narrowed her eyes and shook her head. "**We** made them" She croaked, tracing his fingers absentmindedly before shifting her hand and doing the same to Ember's perfect, but tiny by comparison, fingers.

"Our beautiful girls" He breathed proudly, not sure what had come over him that afternoon, he was certainly feeling very sentimental.

"They're gonna be beautiful inside, that's what matters most" Erin mumbled drowsily, nestling against his shoulder.

"Just like their mother" He assured confidently, quieting then as he replayed their conversation from that morning in his head. His feared that his daughters were growing up in a society that valued outward appearance far too highly, he didn't want them to worry about how they looked. He didn't want to see insecurity in their eyes the way he had in his wife's, already and without much effort they were giving their daughters everything she had ever wanted as a child: love and security.

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"Shay no. Don't put that on the floor" Kelly pleaded exasperatedly, breaking from the hushed tones he had been using since the toddler had woken. He felt his wife's body stiffen, her head shifting against his left shoulder, and knew he had woken her.

Chase had woken both Shay and Nadia, who had drifted off towards the end of the movie, by loudly announcing that there was food when he was only just waking up himself. Now Kelly, though he wanted to blame Shay, had woken Erin. Only Ember remained asleep, oblivious to the ruckus.

"I a hockey Daddy" Shay explained, proceeding to place the carrot sticks on the floor and stand on them despite his request. She had decided that carrot sticks resembled ice skate blades and again Kelly could only blame himself. He had switched to a countdown of the top ten ice hockey championship moments from the previous season when everyone had still been sleeping.

"Shay are you wasting food?" Erin questioned before her eyes had even adjusted to the light properly.

"No Mama" Shay denied vehemently, jumping off the carrot sticks and rushing to pick them up off the floor. Holding one in each hand she quickly took a bite of each, chewing rapidly as she tried to demonstrate that she wasn't wasting them.

It was only earlier that week that Erin had had a serious talk with the two year old. Ember had been trying new foods, enjoying most but refusing some, and Shay thought being fussy would gain her mother's attention. It had worked, kind of, without really thinking Erin had told the toddler she was lucky to have any food. She felt bad for corrupting her little girl's innocence but after much discussion they had come to an agreement, only when asked what she wanted was Shay allowed to be fussy. The toddler had tested her new restrictions with her brother and aunt that morning and was satisfied she could still enjoy her food, as long as she ate it.

"Okay" Erin allowed, though Shay could hear the warning in her voice.

"Sorry babe" Kelly apologised, both for waking her and for letting Shay be so unruly in the first place.

"I'm just glad I wasn't hungry" She shrugged, gesturing to the plate on the coffee table, a few pieces of capsicum and carrot all that remained. Truth was she had been hungry when she'd made it, her hunger just hadn't survived the preparation phase. She'd only ended up having half of a carrot and a third of a celery stick before her nap.

"Are you? I can make dinner if you want" He offered, having apparently only taken the word 'hungry' from what she said.

"What time is it?" She questioned, in the process of raising her wrist to look at her watch as she spoke. They gazed at their matching watches and just like every other time they looked at them they felt loved, the memory of receiving the perfect gift from each other hadn't yet faded.

"Are Russ and Hank coming?" Kelly asked next, having accepted that he would be preparing dinner sooner rather than later he wanted to plan what he was making.

"I'm not sure. Nadia are you staying for dinner?" Erin asked the young woman, sitting up straighter though still leaning against her husband as she looked over at Nadia and Chase. Chase sat at one end of the two seater couch, angled towards the television while Nadia sat sideways along the couch, leaning against the arm, legs out straight, feet on her boyfriend's lap, paying more attention to her phone than anything else.

"If that's okay" Nadia answered, dropping her phone onto her stomach as she made eye contact.

"Of course it is" Erin replied, sharing a smile before they both returned to what they had been doing. "Are you sure you're happy to cook? I don't mind" She told her husband, shrugging a little because she wanted him to know that she really didn't mind either way.

"Neither do I, and you'll cook tomorrow night" He reasoned, even though he hadn't verbalised it their discussion about her returning to work made him realise he would need to help out more around the house to keep things running smoothly.

"Or you could eat at the firehouse" She suggested, expression and tone completely neutral.

"Uh, yeah. If that's easier" Kelly managed in response, a little shocked because they had never really talked about it before.

"I was joking" Erin informed before laughing at his stunned response and confused eyes. "I don't mind cooking" She reiterated, feeling a little bad for messing with him.

"You're good at it" He complimented in return. Ember began to stir and so he missed his wife's sceptical look, Erin certain he had been planning to tell her he was joking if he hadn't been distracted. They both watched as Ember stretched and yawned before opening her eyes, Erin stroking her hair while Kelly rubbed circles on her stomach and chest.

"Hey bubba" Erin greeted softly, pressing a kiss to Ember's forehead. A gummy smile spread across the baby's face and her hands came up to try to grasp at her mother's hair.

"Hi Emmy" Kelly said, getting her attention for a moment as he sat her up and turned her around to face Erin. As soon as Ember saw her mother again she shrieked in excitement, kicking her legs and reaching for her.

"Aw, come here" She said as she took Ember from her husband, kissing her smiling cheeks before cuddling her to her chest.

"I see how it is" Kelly huffed with faux disappointment, he really didn't mind that Ember was favouring her mother, he just liked seeing her happy.

"Uh-oh, give Daddy a kiss so he can go make dinner" Erin requested, holding up the baby and pressing her babbling mouth to his cheek, leaving a shiny patch and a smile on his face.

"Thank you sweetheart. What are you going to do?" He asked his wife after thanking Ember.

"Shay and I are going to give Emmy a bath" She replied, it was both something that needed to be done and a chance for the sisters to play and bond.

"Baths!" Shay enthused, rushing towards her mother the moment she'd heard her name.

"Yep, it's time for Emmy's bath" Erin encouraged, smiling as Shay did a little happy dance. "Just cook as if Russ and Hank are coming, in case they do. Shay can have her bath after so don't worry if it's something messy" She instructed him as they stood up together, exchanging a quick kiss before going their separate ways.

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**Thank you for reading!**


	244. Chapter 244

**It's not exactly the chapter I had planned but I'm trying to get over my perfectionistic tendencies in order to update more frequently. Please enjoy :D**

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Hank Voight didn't knock. He did hesitate for a moment before opening the door though, mentally justifying his decision. Erin had long since earned her right to privacy, first in her apartment and now her family home. But he was there close to every Sunday and knew they were home, in the lounge room he determined from the light spilling out into the front garden. It also crossed his mind that it would be nice to get his shoes off before his granddaughter started climbing up his leg.

As he entered their little entry hall and toed off his brown leather shoes he listened intently to the sounds of the house. Nearest were the two hushed voices in the lounge room, close enough for him to identify as belonging to Chase and Nadia but far enough away that he couldn't make out what they were saying. Further away he could hear someone in the kitchen, he couldn't discern who just from the clattering of pots and pans but soon enough laughter from upstairs told him it was Kelly.

He took his time on the stairs, enjoying the way Erin and Shay's laughter combined and drifted through the house like a warm breeze, Ember occasionally contributing with joyous shrieks. Hank could remember the first time he heard Erin laugh as if it was only yesterday, the teen finally feeling safe enough to express herself freely. Halfway up the stairs in his own home there was a photo taken at about that time, when Erin was just starting to let down her walls and join his family, the wall beside him was bare though.

Following the sound Hank came to stand at the bathroom doorway, unnoticed for the time being. Still reflecting on Erin's journey he acknowledged that he had never predicted she could be so happy, or ever have a family of her own. Now that she did though he couldn't imagine her life without them, or his for that matter. Shay was carefully pouring a cup full of water over her little sister's hair, rinsing away the soap suds while trying not to get water in little eyes or ears.

Their laughter had been replaced by concentration, Erin slipping one hand out from under Ember and placing it over Shay's, guiding the flow of water to the areas where soap remained. They brought out the best in her, the love, kindness and patience he always knew she had, even when she'd doubted herself. Hank didn't take responsibility for her successes, Erin had worked hard for everything she achieved, but he was eternally grateful that he had been able to choose her as a member of his family.

It was Ember that spotted him first, eyes locked on his she twisted in her mother's arms, almost slipping into the water in her attempts to get to him. "Aaa! Ah Ah" The baby greeted, surprising her mother and grandpa by how close she was to saying Papa, just missing the 'P' sound.

"Hey" Hank replied softly as Erin's eyes found him, leaning there against the doorframe, perfectly content just watching up to that point.

"Papa!" Shay burst out in surprise, thinking for a moment about sliding off the bench before deciding to wave instead. Showering her mother and sister in water by waving so vigorously with wet hands.

"How are you today Shay?" He questioned, looking to Erin for permission before entering the bathroom. Joining them in standing over the plastic bath Ember was almost getting too big for, the baby's eyes following him while she kicked and splashed.

"Helping! I being helping Mama so goodly" Shay was thrilled to inform him.

"It is good of you to help with Emmy's bath" He agreed, smiling at Shay then placing a hand on her mother's shoulder, a rare loving gesture. He continued to look down at Ember even as he felt Erin's gaze directed at him.

"Yes Emmy baths, see" Shay confirmed, retrieving the cup and filling it before pouring the water over Ember's chest.

"I can see that" Hank assured, offering Ember a finger since she was still trying to reach him.

"We weren't sure if you were coming or not" Erin interjected before Shay could state the obvious again.

"Well I'm here now. Russ sends his apologies, there's some virtual car show thing" He tried to explain, wishing he'd paid a little more attention when Russ had been telling him about it over the phone.

"That's fine, Sunday dinner isn't compulsory. It's just nice" She concluded after shrugging a little. It was only ever meant to be a casual family gathering so they got a chance to spend time together before the work week began.

"It is, I look forward to it" Hank remarked, catching her off guard again with his openness. Erin wasn't sure whether or not she should read into his uncharacteristic sentimental mood, running dates through her mind to try to figure out if they were near an important anniversary. They were still a few weeks away from the anniversary of Camille's death but she herself had been thinking of her more in the last few days and so decided not to say anything.

"Emmy lookies forward baths!" Shay giggled, tugging on the cup Ember had claimed possession of, sucking at the rim then hitting it against her grandpa's wrist.

"She does, but it's time for her to hop out now" Erin reasoned, taking the cup from both of them and placing it beside the bath.

"I gots her towels!" Shay announced excitedly, holding the fluffy orange hooded towel up for her mother.

"Thank you Shay" She said as she accepted it, tucking a corner in under her chin before lifting the baby up against her chest and wrapping it around her.

"Anything I can do to help?" Hank asked as Erin bounced Ember to soothe her, the baby not happy to be removed from her bath even if the water was getting cold.

"Uh, you could empty that if you want? But you don't have to" Erin answered, gesturing to the baby bath, it was normally her husband's job.

"Too easy" He dismissed, waiting until Erin stepped aside to lift the admittedly-far-heavier-than-he-expected plastic bath, tipping the soapy contents down into the bath tub.

"You can head downstairs if you want, I'm just going to get her dressed. Kelly will get you a beer" She suggested once he was finished and Ember was calm, the baby quietly sucking on a fistful of towel.

"Do you mind if I stay?" Hank enquired, looking her in the eye as he tried to understand if she was being polite or if she didn't want him there.

"No" Erin answered with a shake of her head, she didn't mind at all.

"Good" He accepted, smiling a little as he looked from her to Shay.

"Papa I good, good girls get huggles" Shay reminded with a mischievous grin, he had said something like that at some point but he couldn't remember exactly when. Shay just hoped that her grandpa would lift her down from the bench, it was a long way up and her step stool was on the other side of the basin, essentially out of reach.

"You're right! Come here kiddo" Hank requested cheerfully, picking the toddler up and allowing her to get her little arms as far around him as possible, squeezing him tightly. He pressed a kiss to her temple then followed Erin through to the master bedroom. Apart from choosing which pyjama's Ember wore, the blue owl and elephant patterned set, they didn't have much of an opportunity to help and before they knew it were on their way downstairs for dinner.

* * *

Shay had always been a good eater, she might complain on occasion but given enough time she would reliably finish everything on her plate. Kelly didn't take it personally though when she didn't even eat half of her dinner that night, they had all noticed her struggling to eat her pasta. Somewhere between Chase telling a joke about a policeman and a fireman at a bar and Ember trying to stab her mother with a fork the toddler fell silent.

"Aw, look at Shay" Nadia had urged, whispering despite the fact they had been talking at normal volume seconds earlier.

Shay had lost the battle against trampoline induced exhaustion, nodding off to sleep almost face down in her bowl of pasta. Her heavy head resting against the placemat, bowl tipped up so that the pasta obscured her nose and mouth. After ensuring she could still breathe Kelly was quick to pull out his phone and take a picture. When he looked up three more phones had been slid across the table to him, each wanting their own photograph of the adorable moment.

As the only one to have already finished his meal Kelly then took responsibility for putting Shay to bed, the job particularly easy since she was already asleep. He scooped her up off her chair and tipped the remaining contents back into her bowl. Once upstairs he headed for the bathroom, wiping her face gently with a warm washcloth then pausing for a moment as he considered waking her to brush her teeth. While he didn't want his daughter to have to face a dentist he didn't think one night would make that much of a difference.

Erin found her husband in their daughter's bedroom, struggling to get Shay's floppy limbs into pyjamas. After depositing the toddler's pillow at one end of the bed and her blanket at the other she helped him get her feet through the pant legs. Together they arranged her comfortably in her bed, making sure Roary was within arms-reach, then pressed kisses to her cheeks as they said goodnight.

Kelly took his wife's hand and they stood together watching Shay sleeping peacefully for a few moments. In the end it was him who made the first move to leave the room, turning on the nightlight then closing the door over as he left. Shay could clearly use some uninterrupted sleep but he doubted she would get any with her door open since he could hear every word being said downstairs in the lounge room.

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**Love you all, thanks for reading. I hope you have/had an awesome day :D**


	245. Chapter 245

**I'm pretty sad to say that the only reason I got the chance to write this was because I took today off sick.**

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The lounge room was abuzz with conversation, Hank and Nadia trading intense descriptions of memorable arrests while Chase and Kelly discussed the upcoming ice hockey season animatedly. Erin couldn't help but feel left out, holding a largely one sided conversation with an increasingly drowsy baby.

During a pause in their exchange, following a disagreement about the player that brought the most to the Blackhawks team, Kelly placed his hand on his wife's leg. He turned slightly to look at her and they held eye contact for a moment, Kelly conveying encouragement but also apology and sympathy.

Erin shrugged but then, feeling her husband's concerned gaze on her again, attempted to ease herself into the dialogue between her father figure and protégé. The topic had shifted to district rumours and gossip, despite Hank always claiming he never engaged in the exchange of such nonsense, and as such Erin had little to contribute. Her funny story about a uniform getting the key to his patrol stuck in the vending machine took a drastic downhill turn when she was informed that the person in question had recently committed suicide.

Saddened and embarrassed Erin gave up, sighing deeply as she considered her next move carefully. Her husband would do his best to include her if she tried to talk hockey but she had little interest in the subject and after a moment got up instead. Kelly immediately shot her a questioning look but she gestured to Ember and he nodded in understanding.

Erin took her time putting Ember to bed, jostling the baby enough as she climbed the stairs that Ember was awake and alert by the time they reached the bedroom. She fed Ember again, just to make sure she had a full stomach, then changed her diaper and rocked her to sleep. She continued to hum and sway even after Ember had descended into a deep slumber, hardly looking forward to going back downstairs.

As she settled Ember in her crib, pressing soft kisses to her cheeks and forehead, she couldn't help but wish she could just go to bed herself. The dim light and quiet of the bedroom had made her realise just how tired she was, even after her afternoon nap, it had been a big day both physically and emotionally.

Reluctantly Erin left the bedroom, checking on Shay before heading downstairs. Looking for anything to do other than return to the lounge room she was almost glad to see two pairs of socks discarded on the floor in their entry way. She didn't recognise either pair, one blue and yellow and the other black and pink, but on further inspection found the indoor trampoline centre logo embroidered on the ankle.

Taking the sweaty socks to the laundry led to the discovery of two clean loads of washing awaiting folding. At least that would give her something to do if wasn't inclined to socialise with the others. Nobody said a word to Erin as she dumped a heaping basket of washing on the coffee table, extracting items of clothing one by one before folding and sorting them into five distinct piles.

Erin took the chance to observe her family as she worked. It was great to see Hank and Nadia getting along and she hoped it extended into their professional lives as well. Not long after Nadia's graduation she had had Hank promise he would look out for the young woman on the job. Kelly and Chase had each other's backs at work as well and it was highly debatable which career path was more dangerous. That was why Erin tried to put her awkwardness aside and focus on spending time with the people she loved.

Sometime later, when the basket was nearly empty, Erin became the centre of attention when she yawned then promptly fumbled with a half folded pair of Shay's leggings, dropping them to the floor before sneezing loudly.

"Bless you" Nadia contributed automatically.

"Here you go" Kelly said as he handed the leggings back to her, having rushed to pick them up and fold them for her.

"Thanks" Erin mumbled, dropping the leggings onto Shay's pile before yet another yawn escaped.

"Did you want any help?" Chase questioned, feeling bad for not even noticing that she had come back downstairs after putting Ember to bed. The abrupt end to all conversation suggested that the others were feeling similar and were thankful Chase had said something.

"I'm almost done" She shrugged in reply, two pairs of underwear, a dress and a t-shirt remaining in the basket.

"Uh…yeah" Chase accepted, looking to his girlfriend to prompt her to say something.

"Have you had a nice week?" Nadia asked, realising that even over dinner they had hardly spoken about Erin.

"Yeah, I'm fine guys. Just a bit tired" Erin answered dismissively, doing her best to look alert as she smiled at them. If only they had made an effort to include her earlier in the evening she wouldn't have had to resort to doing housework to occupy herself.

"I can head out if you want" Hank offered, pulling out his phone and squinting at it as if to look at the time.

"And it's not long until we have to get to work" Chase added.

"No, I don't want you to go" She tried to explain, though part of her wouldn't have minded, she didn't want to be the reason for ending their Sunday gathering early when she was the one who insisted on it. "I'm just not up for talking all night" She justified.

"You haven't been talking at all" Hank informed, using one of his questioning looks to try to ascertain if there was something more going on.

"Haven't really got much to say" She responded, making sure to convey a firm 'I'm fine' non-verbally.

"Do you want to watch something?" Nadia suggested, gesturing to Chase's laptop and by extension the entirety of Netflix available to watch.

"No, but you can. I'm happy to be getting this done without Shay unfolding and trying it all on" Erin assured, resisting the urge to laugh and instead giving a pointed look as she placed a folded pair of underwear on the top of her husband's clothing pile. The two year old had been quite fascinated by the 'pocket' in the front of her father's underpants when she'd 'helped' with the washing most recently.

"Okay, if you're sure" Nadia allowed with a friendly smile, hoping they hadn't left it too late and that Erin really was just tired.

"I'm sure, it's nice just listening anyway" She concluded, extracting one of Shay's dresses to fold next, hoping they would go back to their conversations and stop staring at her.

Thankfully they did, though their enthusiasm had diminished somewhat and one of the four was always checking on her every time she looked up. It was only a few minutes until she finished anyway, placing the last item of clothing on a pile and adjusting the tallest, Shay's, slightly so it didn't topple over.

"I'll take mine" Chase volunteered quickly when he looked across and saw Erin was finished. He felt self-conscious about having her do his washing at the best of times but Hank's disapproving look made it worse.

"Mhm" Erin acknowledged, clearly unfazed by the matter, she normally just placed his pile on the end of his bed. She loaded the basket with the clothes she had folded belonging to Ember, Kelly and herself, finding it easier to carry up the stairs that way.

Hank and Kelly in particular exchanged a look when Erin left the room without a word, Kelly sighing a little as he got up and went to follow her. From the top of the stairs he could see the washing basket on the end of their bed, and as he entered the room could see his wife stuffing various baby clothes into Ember's drawers.

"Need any help?" He questioned in a whisper, not wanting to startle her or wake the baby.

"No, I'm fine, really" She insisted, moving back toward the laundry basket. Kelly stood between her and it though, collecting some of his clothes before moving to put them away.

"You're tired" He reminded softly as she joined him, Kelly controlling the opening and closing of drawers as they put their clothes away harmoniously. She didn't reply and that alone told him how tired she must have been, that along with the fact she was trying to put a long sleeved shirt into her singlet drawer.

Kelly gently placed his hand at the small of his wife's back, reaching into the drawer and removing the long sleeved shirt. At first Erin resisted, frowning and trying to stop him, but then as the shirt unfolded she realised she had confused it with a singlet of a similar colour. "Thank you" She muttered as he continued to put her clothes away in the right places, having already finished with his own.

"There, all done" He concluded triumphantly once everything was in its place.

"Mhm" Erin acknowledged, rubbing at her face as she started to think about what she could do next.

"Why don't you head to bed?" Kelly questioned as if he had read her mind.

"Won't sleep" She answered quietly backing away from him.

"But you're tired" He argued, following her into their bathroom as she checked to see if there was any washing she could put on.

"But you have work" Erin countered obstinately, stopping to look at him when she turned and saw him blocking the doorway.

"Babe, you don't have to worry" He tried to reassure, no matter how many times he said it he knew she still would. It wasn't something that could be controlled, he knew he would be worrying about her just as much when she started back at work.

"No, I mean yes, I do worry but it's… it's getting to sleep without you…" She confessed, avoiding eye contact as she admitted weakness.

"Er, I'm sorry" Kelly apologised, stepping towards her and wrapping his arms around her. He could feel her body relax and almost instantly she was yawning again. "But you're really tired, you need to sleep" He reasoned softly.

"I know" She sighed sleepily.

"So I'll stay" He asserted, even her tired mind was surprised enough to look up at him questioningly. "Just until you fall asleep" He clarified, rubbing her back soothingly.

"Okay" Erin accepted gratefully. Kelly maneuvered them over to the vanity and squeezed toothpaste onto her toothbrush before handing it to her. A few moments later they left the bathroom and returned to the drawers, Erin looked over her pyjama options then turned to her husband. "Can I have this?" She questioned, running her hand over his chest.

"Of course, what's mine is yours beautiful" He vowed, pulling his t-shirt off and handing it to her before moving past her to shut their bedroom door. When he turned back she was wearing his shirt, looking as gorgeous as ever but also exhausted.

Kelly stepped out of his pants as he crossed to their bed, pulling back the covers so that his wife could crawl straight in. It took them a moment to get comfortable; Erin snuggled into his side, head resting on his chest, hand over his heart.

"I love you" She whispered, tipping her head up to look at her husband.

"Love you too" Kelly replied softly, feeling his wife shift such that their mouths collided when he went to kiss her forehead. He couldn't help but kiss her again purposefully before reminding himself that she needed to be asleep before he had to leave for work. "Sweet dreams sweetheart" He murmured, tucking her head in under his chin and stroking at her hair.

"Stay safe" She returned, exhaling deeply as she relaxed against him, allowing his heartbeat to lull her to sleep.

Kelly knew the precise moment she fell asleep, he could feel it in the way her weight pressed against him and the subtle change in the rhythm of her breathing. He savoured the feeling, hoping he would be able to remember it if he was lucky enough to get the chance to sleep on shift.

Confident that she was sound asleep after he'd extricated himself from the bed Kelly dressed for work and headed back downstairs, checking both of his daughters on his way. Back in the lounge room nobody was surprised that Erin had gone to bed early, dismissing the apology he extended on her behalf. Kelly and Chase left a short time later, Hank and Nadia promising to keep their voices down and lock up when they left.

* * *

It was dark when Erin woke, what felt like only a few minutes after she had drifted off, mouth so dry she felt as if she hadn't had anything to drink in days. Thirsty and somewhat disoriented she searched her bedside table for the glass of water she usually left there, in the process discovering that several hours had passed.

Unable to find her glass she grumbled as she threw back the covers and sat up slowly, hesitating for a moment before getting up. She stumbled down the stairs, failing to process that the lounge room light was on because there were people in there until she stood in the doorway, squinting against the bright light. When her eyes finally adjusted she saw Hank and Nadia at either end of the couch, a black and white film she recognised instantly playing on the television screen.

"Sorry kid" Hank apologised, though he didn't think they were to blame for waking her up.

"'s late" Erin replied croakily, scowling at first then becoming aware enough to feel self-conscious, tugging her husband's shirt down to feel slightly more decent. "Water" She concluded a second later, disappearing from their sight as she continued to the kitchen.

Erin drained the glass twice before refilling it using the jug in the fridge, taking it with her as she started back to bed. She frowned indiscriminately into the lounge room as she passed but saw no change, Hank watching her while Nadia watched the movie.

It wasn't until she was upstairs curled in bed, glass of water on her bedside table as it should have been all along, that she identified the emotion that had washed over her: Jealousy. Knowing what it was only made it more intense, watching old movies late at night was something **they** had done together. Each movie was linked to a treasured memory, a disastrous first date, a report card that didn't reflect her efforts or the end to an argument.

As she lay there thinking about it, his betrayal, being replaced, she knew they were the irrational thoughts of an overtired mind. Still she let herself get all worked up about it. Hank's apology, for being caught she told herself, swirled endlessly as she seethed. Then at last she heard the front door click closed and sleep returned.

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**I'm going to apologise, yet again, for the delay between updates. Yes I'm doing my best but at the same time I feel like I'm letting you all down. I'm terribly sorry, this story will be told, no matter how long it takes me! Until next time and thank you very much for reading :D **


	246. Chapter 246

"Oh come on" Capp complained loudly as Kelly threw his hand of cards onto the table and stood up.

"I'm out" Kelly offered the second Capp finished speaking. It wasn't that he'd been dealt a bad hand, in fact it would be difficult to lose with those particular cards, it was that he knew his wife had just pulled up out the front.

There were no windows on that side of the building, not that he could see past the three fire trucks, but he knew nonetheless. He wasn't sure himself if it was the way her car's engine sounded as she performed her standard flawless parallel park, or the sound of the car door opening, or just a magical ability to sense her presence. But he had yet to be wrong.

"Go fish then?" Capp suggested, collecting up the discarded cards as he looked at the only other remaining participant.

"Yeah sure" Chase agreed, far more comfortable with the rules of that game than he had been with any of the types of poker they'd tried.

A smile grew on Kelly's face as he left the squad table behind, heading through the wide open roll up doors and out into the lovely spring sunshine. He paused, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply before continuing on his way. The moment he reached the sidewalk he could see two thirds of his family.

Shay was doing a surprisingly good mime routine, bouncing around on one square concrete section of the sidewalk and acting as if the edges were sort of force field. He knew his wife would have told the two year old to stay on that square and Shay, their wild child, was struggling to stay within the boundaries. Still she didn't see him on his approach.

Erin didn't either, she was too busy changing Ember's diaper on the front passenger seat of the car. It probably could have waited until she was inside but she didn't want to rush greeting everyone while delaying changing a diaper she knew was wet. It was easier to get it done before she went in. That along with the fact she was still trying to collect her thoughts after a thought provoking morning.

"Need any help?" He questioned from behind them both, Shay inspecting a crack in the concrete closely and Erin focused on pulling Ember's pale purple leggings back up her solid legs.

"Daddy!" Shay shrieked, straightening and spinning around so quickly that Kelly was certain she was going to fall. It wasn't until she rushed at him and stepped off her allocated square of the side walk that she landed on her backside though, throwing herself backwards as she remembered the rules. Kelly shook his head at her silliness but then stepped onto the square before picking his daughter up.

"Hey" Erin greeted while looking over her shoulder, lifting the baby and grabbing the diaper bag before closing the car door and facing him properly.

"Good morning?" He asked, what had begun as a greeting somehow morphing into a question.

"Yeah" Erin allowed, Kelly could see that she was distracted.

"What have you been up to?" He pressed, looking to Shay when his wife didn't answer straight away.

"We goed hostible Daddy" Shay announced flippantly.

"Hospital?! What? Why?" Kelly questioned urgently as his eyes jumped between each of them, looking for any visible signs of injury.

"We visited Gina" Erin explained calmly, placing a hand on his arm to reassure him, removing it to readjust the diaper bag when it started slipping.

"Oh, okay. How is she?" He posed, relieved but then concerned for a woman he had never met because he knew she meant something to his wife.

"They've moved her to a palliative care unit" She summarised simply.

"I'm sorry babe" Kelly offered gently, sympathy flooding his eyes as he looked at her.

"How's your shift been so far?" Erin enquired, changing the subject completely. She wasn't quite ready to talk about it just yet.

"Not bad, car crash at four this morning but otherwise it's been quiet" He replied, far more interested in her morning than his.

"Good" She nodded, looking to him expectantly before turning and starting towards the firehouse.

"Give me the bag" Kelly requested when he caught up with her, having watched her readjust it twice already.

"I can…" She tried to argue but Kelly had a firm grip on the shoulder strap and a determined look on his face. "Fine" She resigned, allowing him to take the diaper bag.

"I love you" He reminded softly, wanting her to know that he was there for her, no matter what.

"Mmm" She acknowledged, her lack of responsiveness concerning him when really she was beginning to think that talking to him about everything that was on her mind might help.

They made their way into the Firehouse as a family but Shay quickly darted off when her father put her down. The two year old ran off into the building that served as their second home in search of her four legged friend. Erin and Chase talked briefly before Kelly guided his wife away from his colleagues and towards his office.

Kelly held the door open for Erin and then closed it behind her, quickly moving to spread his towel on the carpeted floor so that he could take Ember from his wife and put her down. There was probably a blanket in the diaper bag he could have used but he didn't want to waste time, dumping the bag on his office chair.

"I love you too, I know I don't say it enough" Erin began softly, watching him carefully for a few seconds before stepping forward and into his arms.

"Babe, you don't need to say it. I know" Kelly reassured, rubbing her back soothingly as he held her close. He was so glad that she was communicating openly with him, letting out the emotion he knew spending time with someone who was terminally ill would stir.

"Okay… because I need you to know, no matter what, I will always love you Kelly" She reiterated firmly, tipping her head up to look into his eyes.

Kelly smiled down at his beautiful wife, nodded and then pressed his lips to hers for a sweet kiss. Sometimes they didn't need words. He held her for a few moments longer then guided her to the end of the bed, sitting next to her and glancing down at Ember before speaking.

"What made you want to go see Gina? And take the girls?" He questioned out of curiosity but also concern. He knew cancer wasn't contagious but still the thought of the precious little girls he had vowed to protect so close to death was unsettling.

"It's just been part of our Monday routine for so long, we tried to do some yoga in the lounge room but Shay couldn't focus" Erin justified, with so many toys nearby she hadn't stood a chance at holding the two year old's attention for long. "And I wanted to talk to her, like you suggested, we aren't that close but I wanted to know if she had any regrets. I don't want to be in her position and regret not spending more time with my family because I was too busy working." She explained slowly, choosing her words carefully, thankful her husband was giving her the time she needed to answer him properly.

"Okay" He accepted with an understanding nod. "What did she regret?"

"Gina has two sons, David and Andrew. She was a stay-at-home mum until they left for college, that's when she started teaching yoga, but neither of them has ever said thank you. And neither of them have visited her since her diagnosis, and they know its terminal. She regrets giving them all her time."

"That's awful" Kelly replied, placing his hand on his wife's knee.

"I know it sounds bad. I would give our girls all the time in the world but-" Erin started only to be cut off.

"No her sons not visiting, that's awful" He clarified, he already understood what she was going to say and he agreed. In fact he had been the one encouraging her to take time out because he knew it made her a better parent. It wasn't healthy for her to dedicate all of her time to their children, if she wanted to work in her time away from them because she valued contributing and found it rewarding that was her decision to make.

"Mhm, if I…" She paused, looked away and swallowed hard before continuing. "If I had known my mother was going to die I would have at least visited her" she disclosed, frustrated that it still upset her. Kelly knew just how hard that was for her to say since their relationship had been far from functional.

"Babe" He sympathised, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and kissing her hair. "You couldn't have known and you couldn't have changed it" He asserted, familiar with her tendency to blame herself for everything.

"I don't know" She shrugged, his arm falling away though that hadn't been her intention.

"Erin" He warned, urging her to reconsider.

"Kelly" She returned in the same tone, frowning at him a little because he was overreacting, she knew it wasn't her fault. That didn't mean that it was okay that her mother had been murdered and she still didn't have any closure.

"Well at least with Gina you've visited" He offered gently, knowing it wasn't much consolation.

"Yeah, I just want to contact her kids and tell them how selfish they're being…before it's too late" She told him, angry at Gina's sons and devastated for Gina, alone and dying.

"They'll regret it" Kelly said wisely. It certainly wasn't their place to interfere, but the fact that Gina's sons weren't visiting her made Kelly feel somewhat responsible for keeping her company even though he didn't know her personally.

"I hope so" Erin replied, knowing it was a harsh thing to say but really meaning it at the same time.

"We don't want to have regrets like that, you can visit Gina but you can't replace her sons" He reminded calmly, as much as his wife might want to fix the situation she couldn't. The last thing he wanted was her taking responsibility when the inevitable happened. "Where are you at on going back to work?" He asked, unsure if changing the course of their conversation would be well received. He was interested to find out what her thoughts were though.

"I think Gina has a point, spending time apart will make them grateful for the time we do have together. What do you think? That's not selfish is it?" She questioned, suddenly feeling uncertain, it had made so much sense when Gina had said it.

"No. Gina's sons are selfish, you going back to work is definitely not selfish" He reassured, wishing he could erase that word from her vocabulary, it was so far from describing anything she had ever done.

"Good, because I'm kind of convinced…" Erin trailed off, watching her husband carefully to gauge his reaction.

"That is good" Kelly confirmed, smiling unashamedly. "You're gonna do great" He told her confidently before kissing her again.

"Thank you" She said with a smile that seemed to have been transmitted by their kiss. It fell away unceremoniously when Ember started to wail, the infant had squirmed sufficiently to cocoon herself in the towel.

"Oh Em, what are you doing?" Kelly questioned, leaning forward and scooping the five month old up, pulling away the towel to free her arms. With a grunt of satisfaction Ember began to bat at his hands, smiling when she caught a finger.

"She's been a bit cranky this morning, she didn't want to go in the car" Erin commented as she reached across, smoothing Ember's downy hair and then stroking her cheek affectionately.

"Huh, but you gotta go in the car to come visit me bubba" He told the infant playfully, pressing a kiss to the back of her little hand.

"Aaaah!" Ember squealed excitedly in response, dribbling as she gave a huge gummy smile.

"Yeah, Daddy loves visits from his girls" Kelly cooed back at her, oblivious to his wife's delight at seeing the two interact so happily. Erin didn't want to say it aloud but in the last week it had become quite clear that Ember was going to be as much of a daddy's girl as Shay was, especially if her father kept feeding her yummy new foods.

"I should probably go find Shay" Erin remarked when she realised she had no idea where the toddler was. Shay was most likely wherever Pouch was and undoubtedly perfectly safe with so many aunts and uncles around.

"We should" He corrected, standing up enthusiastically. "You're going to stay for lunch aren't you?" He asked as he held his office door open for her, getting a smirk for the way he had worded his question.

"Mhm" Erin answered before they began to move through the firehouse together, keeping an eye out for Shay and Pouch. Finally locating her lying on the canine, both sprawled out on Mouch's couch watching Paw Patrol.

Moments after they sat down for lunch, Erin midway through thanking Gabby for the invite to Antonio's pool party, the alarm sounded, calling them to work. Erin took Ember from her husband as he rushed off, Shay giving her father little more than an unfazed wave as she continued to eat.

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**I hope that was alright, there will be more Shay in the next update – which should be up soon. **

**On a more personal note I'm having some minor surgery tomorrow, please keep me in your thoughts as it will be a few days before the results come back from pathology. I'm hoping that I'll have some time to write since I'm taking a few days off work/study. **


	247. Chapter 247

**I uploaded this chapter but forgot to actually publish it… I blame the medications I'm on! Thank you so much for all the well wishes. My surgery went well but the pathology wasn't good so I had to have a second surgery a few days later. I'm doing well now though. **

**I really hope you like this long-ish chapter, I enjoyed writing it.**

* * *

"Wow, that one's pretty" Erin commented as Shay plucked a dandelion flower from the opportunistic weed growing in a crack in the sidewalk.

"Prettiest" Shay agreed, bending the flower stalk as she stuffed the flower into her left hand, joining the little bouquet of assorted flowers and foliage she had collected so far on their walk.

"That one is special you know" She informed as she stopped, crouching down to Shay's level before extracting the dandelion.

"Whyyy?" Shay demanded inquisitively.

"I'm about to show you" She explained, holding the dandelion up before blowing lightly until the spores began to detach from the bloom and float away.

"MAMA! No! Why you do dat? You breaked my flowah!" Shay complained loudly, stomping her foot in anger, seconds away from a full blown tantrum.

"Shay" Erin warned gently, encouraging the toddler to at least control her temper until she had a chance to explain. Shay frowned and pouted but managed to hold in her tears. "That's what you're supposed to do with those ones. Dandelions. That's why they're special, you blow all the… petals-" she inserted when she couldn't think of a more accurate word that the toddler might understand "-away and then you make a wish."

"No!" Shay refuted, still upset that half her pretty flower had drifted away in the breeze.

"Would you like to try?" Erin suggested and instantly Shay's mood shifted, the toddler nodding eagerly. "Hold it out like this," she instructed, placing the flower in the toddler's hand and making sure it was angled for maximum effect. "And then blow. That's it!" She praised, clapping her hands a little to celebrate the toddler's success. "Now make a wish."

"Mama what a-wish?" Shay questioned with a quizzical expression.

"Uh, a wish is something you want to happen. Like you could wish for ice cream for dessert, a trip to the park or new toy or…" She trailed off, trying to think of anything else she could suggest that was achievable in a timely manner.

"Or a baby?" Shay enquired, about as far from meeting the criteria Erin had set as was possible.

"A baby?!" Erin questioned, unable to mask her surprise.

"Yep, I want a baby" The two year old insisted.

"We have a baby" She reminded cautiously. "Emmy's right here" She added, patting at the baby snuggled up and fast asleep in the baby carrier on her chest.

"I want a new baby Mama" Shay requested, pulling a disgruntled face at her baby sister.

"Why do you want a new baby?" Erin asked, trying to understand why Shay was wishing for a baby.

"Um… 'cause Emmy cried too much and it hurtied my ears in the car when she cried" Shay explained, covering her ears and frowning to demonstrate what it had been like in the back seat of the car.

"Well a new baby would cry too, then you'd have two crying babies and your ears would hurt even more" She pointed out to the toddler, hopefully making it clear that Shay couldn't wish to replace her baby sister.

"Oh…" Shay accepted glumly. "I wants a new wishy" She demanded since it seemed she had wasted the first one.

"Wish" Erin corrected.

"Yep" Shay acknowledged as she scanned the sidewalk for another dandelion.

"Look Shay there's still a bit here, blow it away then you can have another wish" She instructed, twisting the dandelion around so that Shay could see the last few spores on the bud. Shay puffed out her cheeks and blew as hard as she could, spraying the flower with spit until the last spore detached and floated away.

"I wish stramp-O-leen!" Shay announced rapidly and loudly.

"Hm?" Erin questioned, she had no hope of granting her daughter's wish if she didn't know what it was for.

"A bouncy stramp-O-leen" Shay informed, giving her mother a scornful look that told her she should know exactly what she was talking about.

"A trampoline?" Erin checked, already regretting bringing up the whole 'special flower' wish thing. She really had expected the two year old to choose ice cream or at least something food related, Shay proving just how unpredictable children could be.

"Yep, like Chasey took-ed me" She confirmed, bouncing on the spot as she remembered the day before.

"Chase did take you to play on a trampoline and you had lots of fun" Erin elaborated as she stalled for time, considering the pros and cons of buying her daughter a trampoline just to feed her innocence.

"Yep!"

"That's a good wish, now you just have to be really good and it might come true" She informed hesitantly.

"What?!" Shay demanded in a way that indicated to her mother she hadn't grasped the concept of wishes at all, blue eyes now bright with wonder and excitement.

"That's how wishes work" Erin explained reluctantly, wishing she hadn't gotten herself into the situation to begin with. "If you ask nicely and you behave and wait patiently your wish could come true…" She assumed the toddler wasn't comprehending her use of 'might' or 'could' and was beginning to wonder how she was going to explain the purchase of a trampoline to her husband.

"Oh, please I wish!" Shay shouted to the universe, hoping it wasn't too late to remember her manners.

"That's it" Erin encouraged with a forced smile, despair evident in her eyes to anyone who happened to look at her in that moment. "We should keep going" She added a moment later, straightening and taking the toddler's hand to keep walking. First she wondered what the chances were of Shay forgetting her wish entirely and then she realised that after half an hour of 'walking' they were barely halfway.

"Umkay" Shay accepted easily, walking obediently beside her mother for a few paces before pulling her hand away and skipping ahead to look at a purple flower poking through a fence.

"What are you going to do with all the flowers you've collected?" Erin questioned as Shay added the little purple flower to the rest of her wilted collection, the bald dandelion hanging limply from her fist.

"They for Papa" Shay announced, again highlighting to her mother just how unpredictable she had become.

"Oh, that's lovely Shay. I'm sure he'll love that" Erin replied once she got over the initial shock, heart swelling with pride at the sweet gesture her not-so-little girl had thought up all by herself.

"I loves Papa" Shay confirmed, giving her mother a sage smile.

"And he loves you, lots and lots" She affirmed, returning Shay's smile and blowing her a kiss since that always made her giggle.

"Come on Mama, we gots to visit Papa now" Shay encouraged a moment later, increasing her pace and making Erin think they might actually make it to the 21st District in under an hour.

* * *

"What have you got there Miss Severide?" Sergeant Platt questioned as she peered down over her desk at the toddler.

"Flowahs!" Shay answered, giving a crooked smile as she stretched out her fist to show the older woman.

"Ah, and what beautiful flowers they are" Platt complimented as she got a closer look at the toddler's collection of wilting spring blossoms.

"They are for Papa" Shay informed flatly.

"Oh are they just? He is going to love that" The Sergeant chuckled, though she knew Hank Voight had softened considerably as he aged, especially where his granddaughters were concerned.

"Yeah, Mama said!" Shay replied, nodding eagerly.

"I said Hank would love the flowers, it was actually her idea" Erin was quick to clarify, only to receive a less than impressed look from Platt at the interruption. Still Erin thought it was important that Platt know she hadn't put Shay up to collecting flowers as a gift for her grandpa, the toddler had thought of it on her own. She remained very proud of that as the toddler's latest milestone.

"Well Shay, I think we might have a problem" Platt informed, giving the toddler a serious look.

"A pwoblim?" Shay asked, worry spreading across her face.

"Mhm" Platt confirmed with a sombre nod.

"Trudy" Erin interjected, not sure the desk sergeant understood just how fragile a two year old's emotions were. Shay certainly wouldn't handle the kind of joking around Sergeant Platt was used to in her role.

"You can't just give them to your Papa like that" Platt explained incredulously.

"Why?" Shay whined, not really sure what the older woman was saying.

"You need a vase silly! Otherwise they're just going to flop over and die!" The desk sergeant exclaimed, complete with hand gestures and over exaggerated facial expressions.

"Hm" The toddler hummed, still struggling to make sense of what was being said.

"I'm sure there's one around here somewhere, why don't we go find it so your Mama can go talk to your Papa" Platt suggested, looking across to Erin now that her plan all along had been revealed.

"Umkay" Shay accepted even though she didn't really know what a vase was, if it was going to make her present better it seemed like a good idea.

"Uh, thank you?" Erin allowed, giving Shay a reassuring smile even though she was a little uncertain herself. She certainly hadn't expected Sergeant Platt to step in so she got the chance to talk to Hank without Shay stealing all of his attention.

"Come on now Shay, let's find a vase" Platt enthused, beckoning for the toddler to join her on the other side of the desk. She was sure to add a wide eyed look at Erin, as if to question why she hadn't yet moved.

"Um could you buzz me up?" Erin requested, gesturing up at the large metal gate that separated the intelligence unit from the rest of the district. "Please" She added, now more unsure than ever of where she stood with Platt.

"Your fingerprints are still in the system, go on" The desk sergeant encouraged urgently, knowing she couldn't keep the toddler occupied for very long.

"Thanks" She replied before heading off up the stairs. Her fingerprints and old code worked and within seconds she was on her way up to her former workplace. Still baffled by Platt's thoughtfulness she barely managed to get her expression in order before her presence was being acknowledged.

Calls of "Erin" and "Lindsay" along with variations on 'it's good to see you' made her feel very welcome.

Hank had never had a delicate approach and so as he entered from the hall leading to their interrogation room he noted her arrival with a frown. "What are you doing here?" He demanded roughly.

"Just visiting, wanted to talk to you" Erin replied, undeterred by his gruff nature.

"Come on then, we're working a case you know" Hank remarked as he gestured for her to follow him into his office.

"Sorry" Erin mumbled as she closed his office door turning around to find him standing far closer than she had expected.

"Does Papa get a cuddle?" Hank questioned, raspy voice low and warm as he rubbed gently at Ember's back through the fabric of the baby carrier. The moment the office door was closed he could pretend he wasn't at work, priorities shifting dramatically.

"She's asleep" Erin stated, despite thinking that was far too obvious. And given how unsettled Ember had been earlier she wasn't going to risk waking her up just to make Hank happy.

"If you're not here for cuddles then why are you here?" He questioned, reverting to rough and business-like as he stepped back and looked her over curiously.

"Uh… Well I know you're busy at the moment but I was wondering if we could maybe get lunch one day this week? To talk about my coming back" She explained, keeping her tone and expression neutral until she could observe his reaction.

"Okay. Yeah sure, tomorrow? At Ruscio's?" Hank suggested, the idea clearly gaining momentum the more he thought about it.

"What about the case?" She asked, not wanting to be distracting him from something important.

"Should have it wrapped up this afternoon. I'll get the bludgers to do their paperwork in the morning" He grumbled, peering out of his office window to see his employees chatting casually and throwing stationary at each other.

"That works perfectly for me" Erin informed, drawing his attention back into the office. "Kelly can watch the girls and we can talk properly" She expanded with a smile, looking forward to spending time with him.

"Where is Shay?" Hank questioned suddenly after nodding his approval of what she had said. It was as if he only just realised that one of his granddaughters was missing, which would be difficult to do given Shay's ability to make her presence very well-known wherever she went.

"Downstairs with Platt" She supplied, trying not to worry.

"Really?" Hank questioned, at first because it seemed like an odd situation and then because he spotted movement at the top of the stairs.

"Well, over there now" Erin corrected when she turned to see what he was looking at as a smile spread across his face, their timing couldn't have been better. The toddler was walking very strangely but had a huge grin on her face. "She's got a present for you" She added as she stepped aside, allowing him to open the office door.

"There's my little princess" Hank greeted animatedly, Erin keeping out of the way but observing the pair contentedly. Platt however was acting very odd, bent in half and trailing behind the toddler, trying to keep whatever Shay had behind her back steady it seemed. The desk sergeant was certainly going to more effort than Erin had expected, everyone seemed to be exceeding her expectations that day.

"Papa I gotted you... FLOWAHS!" Shay announced, pulling the gift out from behind her back and thrusting it at him excitedly. Water sloshed and spilled to the floor from the ordinary drinking glass, half full of water and assorted flowers. "And a vase, that's 'portant you know" The two year old sassed, giving Sergeant Platt a pointed look before smiling up at her grandpa.

"I do know how important a vase is" Hank replied, overwhelmed with love for the little girl and her adorable gesture. He wasn't sure if it had been Erin or Trudy's idea but Shay had certainly pulled it off. "These are beautiful flowers Shay" He praised, getting a good look at the daisies, weeds, leaves, grass and dandelion bud in the glass.

"They for you, 'cause I loves you" Shay maintained as she pushed the glass into his hands.

"Thank you very much sweetheart, I love you too" He responded, wiping his slightly wet hand on his pants before ruffling her hair affectionately. "Where should I put them? My desk?" He enquired, realising his entire unit was standing there staring at him.

"Yep!" Shay squealed.

"You have to help me put them in the right spot" He requested, taking her hand before glaring at everyone else and leading her into his office.

Erin lingered just outside the room, sharing a look with Sergeant Platt before approaching. "Thanks Sarge" She addressed uncertainly, while the desk sergeant always seemed exceedingly kind to her she also tended to get exactly what she wanted out of every social situation.

"I'd do anything to make that kid smile" Platt confessed, "even if you don't trust me…"

"She's just got a bit of a temper, I was worried she'd overreact not about you" Erin deflected, though there had been moments when she wondered if she was capable of minding the toddler.

"Sure" Platt replied sceptically. "Now as crazy as it might sound I actually have work to do, see you soon?" She questioned, giving the impression she was asking very specifically if Erin would be returning to work soon. It had certainly been rumour for long enough, but each time Erin had visited she seemed quite happy in her stay-at-home mother role.

"Mhm, see you soon" Erin answered without hesitation, feeling pleased with herself for having correctly interpreted Platt's body language.

"You're coming back? For sure?" Jay questioned from behind his desk, having watched the exchange closely.

"I'm working on it" Erin confirmed, rapping her knuckles on her old partner's desk before disappearing back into Voight's office.

"What do you think? Can you see them properly from there?" Hank questioned, sitting on his desk chair with Shay on his knee. He had a good view of the flowers in their vase but wasn't sure if the toddler did, he wanted to make sure she was happy with their placement since he was thrilled to have received them.

"Yesss!" Shay beamed, loving the attention she was being given.

"Perfect, Papa will have something pretty to look at all day. It's time for us to go home though" Erin concluded, readying herself for the two year old's resistance to that.

"No! Too soon" Shay whined, twisting around to wrap her arms around her grandpa. Hank didn't do anything to resist the toddler but liked to think he was remaining impartial.

"We spent a lot of time walking here Shay so we can't stay long, we need to go home so Emmy can sleep properly" She reasoned despite Ember being perfectly comfortable where she was, it was Shay that needed to go home for her nap.

"Wha-bout wish?" Shay posed defiantly, it was the only thing she could think of to even try to delay their departure.

"A wish? What did you wish for Shay?" Hank questioned, ignoring Erin's sigh.

"A stramp-O-leen" The toddler answered matter-of-factly.

"A trampoline" Erin translated, raising her eyebrows to communicate with him that she had been way out of her depth.

"Wow, that's a big wish, it might take a while. Usually wishes like that come true for Christmas" Hank explained, sharing a look with Shay's mother to reassure her. He knew he wanted grant any wish his granddaughter ever made in the blink of an eye but also understood the importance of restraint, keeping big gifts for special occasions.

"Christmas" Shay repeated, remembering everyone getting presents because of Santa's special birthday; or something like that, she didn't know why it happened but she liked it.

"You have to be patient remember" Erin contributed, glad Hank had found a way to put off granting the wish for several months. She hoped that Shay would have forgotten about it by then but at the very least it gave her chance to discuss it with her husband.

"Yeah" Shay nodded eagerly, it was easy to agree to something when she didn't understand quite how far away Christmas really was. While the toddler daydreamed about her Christmas present her mother and grandfather shared a small smile.

"Let's go home now, Papa has to work" Erin reminded after a moment, beckoning for the toddler to get down off his lap.

"Bye-bye Papa" Shay farewelled, turning to face her grandpa before snuggling into his chest for a goodbye hug.

"Bye for now Shay, I'll see you soon okay" Hank assured, rubbing the toddler's back before lifting her up off his lap and setting her down on her feet. "I love you" He added, glancing across at the flowers she had given him.

"Love you too Papa, see you soonly" The two year old responded, waving over her shoulder as she made her way to her mother's side.

"I'll send you a text about lunch" Erin told him, patting the mobile phone in her pocket before bending to take Shay's hand.

"Sandwiches" Shay interjected enthusiastically.

"Mhm" Erin acknowledged the toddler, squeezing her hand a little. She knew Shay would only repeat herself if she didn't receive confirmation she had been heard.

"Nice to see you too kid. We'll talk tomorrow" Hank replied, giving her a quick nod before his eyes drifted to his computer screen.

"Okay, bye" She offered finally, understanding that he had taken time out of working a case to speak with her. Erin had led Shay out the door and turned to ask if he wanted her to close the door when he spoke again.

"Oh and Erin, I'm glad you've got pants on this time" Hank said, unable to resist any longer. He smirked as she rolled her eyes like a teenager, she had hardly been undressed in Kelly's long shirt and her underwear, it had been perfectly suitable attire for that time of night.

Erin left the door open, hoping he wanted it closed just to inconvenience him after his unnecessary crack. The comment got her thinking about him watching one of _their_ movies with Nadia, late and night and in her house. An emotion she didn't want to acknowledge resurfacing.

* * *

**An emotion? That wouldn't be jealousy would it?! Poor Erin :/ **


End file.
